#and she knew that it didn't start with phon's death

[iguessitsjustme]

Genuinely almost cried when Mae walked away after shooting Thana at the end and that is damn impressive

[sunkissedandseraphic]

My Guardian Angel is Crying: Chapter 5

Story Summary: When Rick and Michonne watched Judith walk onto the school bus, calling out a small "I love you!" before the doors closed behind her, they smiled, knowing their family had welcomed another good day. But merely hours later, they receive a call that shatters their world: while going back to the classroom after their time on the playground, someone had managed to kidnap Judith, and there was no trace of who took her and where she was now. Desperate to find their little girl, Rick and Michonne were determined to get to the bottom of this, even if that meant supporting each other and their son in the midst of their own breakdowns. They had to find her, because if they didn't, they'd crumble into pieces too small to put back together

Chapter Summary: The more days passed, the less hope the Grimes family had that their girl would return home safe. That is, of course, until one phone call and two strangers change everything

By the time afternoon began to blur into evening the next day, the bags underneath Rick’s eyes could hold the weight of the world in them. Between working until he was forced to leave every night and having to help Michonne through her constant nightmares, sleep was a luxury that Rick hadn’t been able to afford in the five days Judith had been missing. 

Whilst Rick was scanning every detail of the case file for the thousandth time, to the point where his brain had become nothing more than a pile of mush with no ability to process anything he was seeing, Maggie, a dispatcher at the station, received a call that would radically change everything.

“Hello this is the King County Sheriff’s Department, what are you reporting?” Maggie answered, starting at the top of her routine list of questions, synching the data allowing her to locate the location of the call.

“Hello, my name is Yumiko Okumura,” the woman was soft-spoken, threatened to be drowned out from the hustle and bustle of wherever she was, but her voice carried an edge that caught Maggie’s attention quickly, “my wife and I are waiting to check into a hotel where a woman, who says her name is Lori Walsh, is currently at the front desk with a young girl. She looks about six years old, and the woman keeps calling her Judith. I saw the posts and the arrest warrants that were released a few days ago; both of them fit the descriptions listed,”

The dump of information stunned Maggie. As a friend of Rick and the family’s, she, like much of the department, was hurt watching the three of them struggle through this tragedy. She knew how tolling this was, especially seeing the way Rick worked himself to death day after day, but this one phone call was the hope they had been holding out for. 

Maggie’s fingers moved faster than her brain as she dove into recording the details. “Is she at the front desk with the child now?” She questioned, counting down the seconds until she could announce to Rick that his little girl had been found. “Yes, she’s counting out cash and trying to get her room key,”

Despite the urge, Maggie knew she couldn’t commence the celebration too early; they still needed to get down to the hotel– which she had traced to Atlanta, barely forty minutes out– and keep Lori, Shane, and Judith in one public area so they could proceed with the arrest and returning Judith to Rick and Michonne, seeing as they didn’t have time to seek out a warrant to search whatever hotel room they would be given. She would need to get creative for this to work.

She paused, sifting through her thoughts to come up with something. After a beat, Maggie smiled and nodded. “Okay, I’m going to need you and your wife’s help to ensure that little girl stays safe, can you do that?” And with Yumiko’s enthusiastic agreement, Maggie relayed her the plan.  

Yumiko remained on the phone with Maggie while her wife, Magna, took a gum wrapper from her purse and wrote a note explaining that Judith had been kidnapped and that they were on the phone with the police, who ordered to stall them in the lobby until they could arrive and properly take matters into their hands. She would then hand this to the employee at the front desk and say a prayer that this could be accomplished. Maggie had ordered for this transaction to be discreet, and the wives were prepared.

Once written, Magna casually walked towards the front desk where a younger man was typing away on his laptop, about to reveal Lori’s room number and hand her the key. As she stepped up, she cleared her throat, gaining the man’s attention. “Oh, Aaron, here’s the number for that mechanic you asked me about earlier!”

Aaron, the employee at the desk, tried to mask his confusion as he took the paper from her, but as he unfolded it, Magna watched as the gears turned in his head. She could see when he understood his role in this mess when he nodded and returned the Magna’s grin. “Oh, thank you! Believe me, between me and my husband, Eric, this will be put to good use,” He covered, slipping the paper into his pocket.

Relief came over Magna like a wave as step one had gone successfully, not bothering to hide the smirk that graced her lips as she turned her back to the scene at the desk. As she walked away, her ears tuned to listen in on what Aaron was relaying to Lori, crossing her fingers they would be able to keep Lori, Shane, and Judith in the area until the cops from King County could handle the rest.  

In the meantime, at the front desk, Aaron struggled to maintain his composure. The client he was meant to be checking in was a supposed kidnapper, and he held a sudden responsibility of lying and stalling the family from accessing their room? He wanted to help– he knew if his daughter, Gracie, was the one in Judith’s place he would sell his soul for a stranger to go out of their way and ensure her safety like this– but he couldn’t crack under the pressure. 

With the note tucked out of sight, his fingers glided across the keyboard on his monitor, typing nothing but gibberish in an attempt to appear as though something was wrong. He waited a few seconds, wanting not to seem suspicious, before moving his gaze back up at the woman. 

“Ah, here it is! Lori Walsh!” Aaron announced, his false, customer-service style grin faltering shortly after. “I sincerely apologize, but there is going to be a bit of wait for your room: we had to send in an emergency maintenance team to check on a report from one of the staff members, but it should be done within the hour. You and your family are more than welcome to wait in the lobby until then and we’ll let you know when your room is ready,”

Despite lying through his chattering teeth, the claim seemed realistic enough that Lori responded with a scoff, a mutter underneath her breath, and a sharp grabbing of Judith’s hand as she dragged her back over towards the lobby couches. His eyes followed their movements, carefully watching as Lori placed herself besides Shane, and Judith chose to wander around the area, taking in the sights of who and what surrounded her.

They had believed him. 

As everything unfolded, Rick was back in King County, downing his fourth coffee for the day. He was rapidly losing the battle to stay alert, his head slipping further and further down into his arms the more he poured these useless reports over himself, and his desperate and excessive caffeine intake was not proving effective. Nothing any of the officers had collected was going to aid in finding Judith, and the hope he once treasured was running thin. 

Arrest warrants for Lori E. Walsh and Shane R. Walsh: 4/12/24, 4:36pm

Arrest warrants for Lori E. Walsh and Shane R. Walsh: 4/12/24, 4:36pm

Arrest warrants for Lori E. Walsh and Shane R. Walsh: 4/12/24, 4:36pm

Rick had read that sentence so many times he believed it to be permanently ingrained in his mind. How could he have let this happen? It was his job to keep Judith safe, to keep her away from these two, and he couldn’t even do that right. Rick was the one who had taken Judith and Carl from their mother for their safety, and now? Now Judith was with her again, in God knows where, and for all he knew she could be sick or hurt or dead or– “Rick!”

Rick was released from his spiral of rapid, anxious thoughts when Deanna’s scream erupted from down the hall. His heart jumped into his throat, preparing for the worst news he could dream of being announced when his captain entered the room so rushed the door almost swung off its hinges. 

While Deanna paused in the doorway, waiting for air to reach her lungs once more, the sheriff raised from his seat and restrained the urge to shake the information out of his co-worker. He was about to speak, about to beg for what his mind was convinced of not to be true, but Deanna interrupted him with a grin and a laugh before he had the chance.

“Rick, they found her. They found Judith,”

Six words. Six little words was all it took to break officer Rick Grimes. 

His body moving with a mind of its own, he barely made it two steps forward from his desk before being engulfed with relief. His knees declared their surrender and Rick buckled on the floor, knees digging into the uncomfortable carpet. A sob ripped from his shallow chest, tears of unbeatable joy racing down his face. He couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped amidst the mix of emotions, not sure if this was all just some wonderful dream that he would have to wake up from.

Deanna knelt in front of Rick, clamping her hands onto his shoulders while she spoke, making sure he was listening. “She’s at a hotel in Atlanta with Shane and Lori; someone called saying they were checking in and we have them in the lobby with the staff aware of the situation. I’ll send you the address, but I want you to go home, grab Michonne and Carl, and go get her, understood?” She was hardly able to finish her sentence before Rick nodded vigorously, shaking with overwhelming solace. 

Deanna helped Rick steady onto his feet, leaving him with a warm, comforting hug as she was called for a few offices down. Rick stared at the captain while she took off, unable to peel his eyes away from the woman who’d delivered the most wonderful news he could ever pray for. 

One hand gripping the edge of his desk, assisting in ensuring he didn’t lose his balance once more, he used the other to dig through his pocket until he grabbed his phone, dialing Michonne’s number as fast as his fingers would move. The phone rang twice before her voice came through, but the adrenaline pumping through his body beat her to the first words.

“Get Carl, I’ll be home in five minutes.”

As his voice cracked, the whirlwind of emotions too much to maintain his collected demeanor, it set Michonne up to expect some type of revelation that would crush her. “What? Oh god, Rick, what happened? What’s going on?” She questioned. Michonne, however prepared she was for the most horrid outcome imaginable, was not ready for what her husband was about to reveal. “She… She’s at a hotel in Atlanta, someone called it in,” Rick breathed, afraid if he said it aloud he would manage to jinx it, but when he registered what he was telling Michonne, there was no restraining the cheer in his tone. “They found her.”

[pandasmagorica]

First watch: 3 Will Be Free

tl;dr - Even though I'm not a big crime series fan, I loved this series and had to weigh whether to promote it to my top ten (I didn't, but it was close). There are some cringe moments and plenty of gun violence, not that much assault but still some. The plot holes weren't too distracting. Transgender viewers may be uncomfortable for episodes 1-3, but there's a real payoff for sticking with the series with a super-strong trans character.

This post is intended to be PG but the series itself is rated 18+ (I think for violence) just so you know.

Had been putting off watching this because it's not QL, even though I've watched other Thai non-QL (Gift Shop for People You Hate, 55:15 Never Too Late, and Midnight Museum). But after seeing some positive mentions about it here on Tumblr, decided to give it a try. And was very glad I did. And also questioning the take that it's not QL.

After seeing Tay Tawan in Dark Blue Kiss and the DBK prequels, as well as a guest turn in Midnight Museum, I totally did not expect his Shin character in 3WBF. Mostly mild mannered, a big contrast to his character in the three Kiss series, but don't underestimate him - he can take some wild action as well if that's his only choice at the moment - and there are some moments.

I also knew Gunsmile from his wisecracking ghost in He's Coming to Me. Here he's quite dark as a hitman.

As for guest appearances, I knew Sing from the same series as well as in Not Me and The Warp Effect, and Sine from brief appearances in He's Coming to Me and Secret Crush on You as well as her long-ago star turn in the horror movie Nang Nak. Sing's and Sine's appearances here were quite brief, but the story is the story and hopefully I will see them again in other work.

I've seen director Jojo's work before on Gay OK Bangkok and its sequel, which I liked, well, okay, but didn't love, as well as The Warp Effect, which I greatly enjoyed.

Enough introduction. On to the series itself.

The story gets off to a quick start. Neo (Joss Way-ar), a hustler and stripper, is having an affair with Va (Sine Inthira), the wife of a mob boss. When the husband Mr. Thana (Big Sarut) finds out, he sends hitmen Phon (Max Nuttawut) and Ter (Gunsmile Chanagun) to kill Neo, but Ter winds up accidentally killing Va instead. Neo runs from them to a dance bar run by Miw (Mild Lapassalan) only to discover Shin (Tay Tawan), who he seems to know, in the men's room. Phon chases after Neo only to be killed by Miw after being surprised to discover Shin (who he calls Mr. Shin, because Shin is Mr. Thana's son) and dropping his gun during the ensuing fight.

So now Neo, Shin, and Miw are on the run. The rest of the series is them trying to dodge the people who want to kill them and find a way to safety.

Except...Phon's lover Mae (Jennie Panhan), a transwoman (so is the actress), insists on joining Ter on the pursuit so she can get revenge for Phon's death.

This story had me with severe split allegiances: I wanted Neo, Shin, and Miw to get away safely, but I also found myself rooting for Mae as well. While the show mostly focused on the trio and their relationship, they gave ample time and character development to Mae and Ter. I'd say Mae's character underwent the most transformation of any of the characters, and that's not a pun. In the eyes of this queer, admittedly cis, male, this show has major positive transfemale rep. She is an incredibly strong characters.

On to the cringe moments: For a series that was as positive about a major transgender character, Neo's trans landlady and her roommate were absolute cringe and there only for comic effect. Their screen time was mercifully brief, but instantly too long each time they showed up. It also happens early in the series, before we've been able to fully see that Mae's character is going to be handled well. Their parts could have been eliminated with zero impact on the plot. I am completely mystified as to how a series that handled a major transgender character so well could fail so badly for the guest transgender characters.

So, I would recommend this show to my trans friends with the warning that it might be rocky going the first few episodes.

Spoilers follow

Okay, there are definitely some plot holes, mostly having to do with logistics: Why is Shin in the dance bar when Neo comes in? Why do some characters, such as Boss John, put themselves in danger when they don't need to? Why would the maid give Miw her uniform? How does Mae find Mr. Thana at the end? Why isn't Mr. Thana protected? With all the flashback reveals throughout the series, it's strange these aren't addressed.

But, aside from all the deaths along the way, it's a mostly happy ending for the trio. And Mae gets the right-sized amount of revenge and affirms her existence, at the cost of learning some hard lessons of the lengths she's willing to go to.

Is this QL? I tend to be expansive in what I'd consider QL and I'd say yes. The development of the poly relationship (even though it doesn't stay that way) is fairly queer as in LGBTQ+ and features at least one of the tropes, attraction at first sight. It doesn't matter to me that it's not the main focus of the series. Your mileage may vary.

It's a great series and I could eventually watch it again.

[afaimscorner]

When Anne Rice died two years ago, I was more than a little shaken to put it mildly. Not only because my favorite author just died and we would never get any more books by her, not only because I survived my teenage years and twenties because of her works and words, but also because in hindsight I saw the writing on the wall. My grandmother had also died the same year, only a few weeks before Lady Anne and that didn't help either. Thanks to the Pandemic I had not been able to see her very often in the last years before her death. She had been sick for a long time, and many times we got to hear that we should not come to visit because we wouldn't want to see her "like this". But in-between there were times, when she was fine, but we were in Lockdown, so there was time, that was robbed from us by the circumstances. So yes, that news flabbergasted me ,and my first thought was: "But what about Christopher? Poor Christopher." I knew mother and son had been very close, not only did they start writing novels together, but they also had their great Twitter-Back-and-Forth, which I always thought would have made a nice book of its own. My brother, who never had the connection to either of them that I had and who never read a single book from either of them said it too: "Poor Christopher, they were so close." Again, I think we saw the writing on the wall. I did see it, I feared it. It was irrational of course. The breast cancer had been mild and had been gone for years now. She was healthy. That didn't mean it was not a hit close to home, though, because it was - but there was so much going on in that year, the pandemic was still going strong, Lockdowns were happening again, I mourned, got depressed maybe, but with the end of winter I put my fear behind me. I always get slightly panicked in the dark time of the year, it's instinct maybe. I do not fear the dark, I fear things that might happen in the dark und what the Dark stands for.

Poor Christopher. My heart was always with him. He dealt somehow. I wish I knew how. Especially now.

Death is always sudden. Even if you see it coming, it is sudden. You expect the pain and the slow dying to go on forever. When me aunt died of ALS that is certainly what it was like. She went quickly in the end, but before the end there was a long time of decay. My cousins were distraught of course, but they had time to prepare at least, they knew it was coming to an end in a number of years/months, eventually weeks. When my grandfather died, it was sudden and not sudden. He spend some time in hospital, then went home to die. That was hard, especially for my Gran, but still, we all had time to consider the possibilty of him dying. My other grandfather though, he just died lying in the sun at Easter, waiting for us to come by, I think (there is a story behind that, I am not willing to go into now). That was a big shock. Still, you kind of fear and expect your grandparents to leave you. You certainly think they will be the ones to go first.

2023 was a hard year, and I kept thinking: "God, please, don't take my Gran now, not now, I could not take losing her now." But she is healthy, her father, my great grand-father, made it into his early hundreds. And the thing with fear is: You always fear the wrong things in the end.

But how could I have known?

When Death comes, she comes unexpected like I said. It was an actual rare good day. I was still in rush from Comic Con, which had its ups and downs, but where I actual won (I never win anything) a free cinema ticket, that actually worked. I got to see the movie version of book I love for free with free popcorn, and for a change I actually saw a good adaption again, which made me strangely happy considering what I was watching (it was "A Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes", in case you are wondering). Since I have quite a way to the next cinema and it's a long movie, I had chosen an afternoon screening. Around half past seven, when the credits rolled, I looked at my phone.

We had just spoken before I left for the cinema, she was watching "Voice of Germany" on Joyn and was waiting to get a call to go and pick up her car. It's a ten minute walk to the service station. My first thought was that someone had run her over. I stayed put, watched the end of the credits, got up and got to the toilet. Left the cinema. Then outside, I called my brother.

Then I had to get home somehow. It was simple: We can't have two family members in hospital at the same time, pull yourself together girl, you can lose it at home. You still have to find out what is actually going on.

It was like a nightmare. I haven't managed to wake up yet.

She spend three days in the ICU. The unfair part about it is: They had saved her, her heart was beating again, it actually looked good the first two days after the incident. Yes, sure, they were telling us, it could go either way, but no one was expecting her to die. Not after everything that went down to save her life. Also: How could she die? It was unthinkable. She had been alive and well just a few days ago, bad been joking and laughing and living. She fucking just got a new knee in summer. She was only 71 and had no prior history of heart related health problems.

When I stepped in the ICU on the third day and saw the dialysis machine, I knew. I did not want to believe it though. The Doctor did not know what to say. The staff knew though, they knew it was over and not everyone was good at hiding it.

I never signed up for having to call my 95 year old Gran in the evening to ask her if she wanted to see her dead daughters body before it was taken to the morgue on a Saturday Morning. She had hoped to be able to visit her on Saturday before it would end. But it was not to be, it ended sooner than anyone would have thought.

I have to shoulder it all now - have to the laundry, cook, clean maybe, organize everything around the funeral, help my father doing all the legal stuff, oh and, yes, take on Christmas, because she ordered all those gifts right before ... so, we owe it to her to not just cancel Christmas. I wrote a whole damn fucking Fanfiction about the fact that you should never just cancel Christmas, no matter what.

I haven't even had time to mourn. I have to be there for my Gran, my father, the rest of the family, the old friends, the neighboors, the aquantances ... I can't break down before the funeral, and ten days or actually nine days after is Christmas, so I can't break down afterwards either.

I don't know how to continue. I don't want to without her. I fear everyone is expecting me to be functioning like normal by January. When I don't even know if I can ever function normal again.

My brother is swimming in the River in Egypt and my father is ... I have no idea where in his head. I get panic-y when someone is out and not immeadtly reachable. It's like my worst irrational fear came true and now no fear I have (and believe me I have enough fears for the whole human race) is irrational anymore.

Poor Christopher, I thought two years ago in December, he must be so broken. Now I am the broken one, pretending to be whole because I have to. Because when I let my parts fall, they can never fit together again.

I am not sure I can write anymore (Fiction, the rest is fine, you are reading it right now). I haven't had time to try it yet, and I think not being able to write anymore might be the last straw for me. Maybe it would help me, maybe it would heal me, I don't know, but I am afraid to try and too tired all the time.

Winter has come. Literally. Shipping snow is helping even less then having to wash her clothes. The world might be ending around me, I am not even noticing.

The dogs might have started to understand that she is not coming back. That is the worst part. Seeing that wondering look in my dogs eyes. That and knowing that Christmas Eve will be the one month anniversary of her passing. How can that be? It can't be real, it was never supposed to be her. It can't be.

My mother can't just be ... gone.