#and she’d sit on my lap and we’d watch silly movies together

[sinistersinister]

For all my violent toxic hand in unloveable hand murderlust, sometimes all I want is a stacked Italian gf, a weed edible, and a luxurious morning in fresh flannel sheets

[buckyownsmylife]

Follow you - Chris Evans smut

The one where Chris becomes your roomate and finds out he has a domesticity kink... and more

Warnings: Smut, breeding kink, domesticity kink, friends to lovers, rommates au, pandemic mention, hair-pulling kink, daddy kink, cockwarming, kind of allusion to an age gap, but can be read as reader being into teasing chris

Word count: 4.1k

A/N: Thanks to @mollygetssherlockcoffee​ for reading this over and helping me make it better! You’re the sweetest person ever!  this is for my own birthday celebration challenge! Like I explained here, I’m going to try to fill every single AU I listed with the characters I picked for the challenge, and since the deadline if May 27, these fics will be posted randomly, as I finish them. Hope you guys like it!

Chris’ P.O.V.

“C’mon, sweetheart,” I’d been trying to convince her to close her laptop for the last two hours, unfortunately without any luck. She just glanced at me before returning to her document, and I groaned as I left the living room in search of what I knew we needed.

“Close the laptop and I’ll give you a sip.” This time when she looked up, she found me holding a bottle of my most expensive whiskey, the one she’d been dying to try ever since she first got invited to my place.

It was a tense moment of evaluation while she took in my offer and her workload, her head turning from her computer to me and then back to the device again, and I found himself growing anxious because of how desperately I wanted her company that night.

“Please?” I tried to convince her, even going so far as to pout - which at least earned me a giggle. I considered it a win, especially with the way it made my chest warm up. “C’mon, we deserve it! After the week we had?”

She frowned when she thought back on the stresses we had confided in each other for the last couple of days, and I watched with glee when she slowly closed her laptop, prompting me to wave my arms around in victory. “We?” She teased, getting up to stand before me with her arms crossed in front of her body, making me laugh.

“Alright, so maybe just you.” I couldn’t really deny that my work “problems” paled in comparison to hers. “Listen, I’m only trying to help.” She narrowed her eyes at me, reaching out for the bottle and unscrewing it before taking the sip I’d promised.

“Shit, this really is good.” A smug smile took over my face as I wrapped my arms around her, walking us back to the couch before making us fall over it.

“Only the best for you, babe.” I watched her roll her eyes at the pet name, snickering at how it affected her. I knew it made her giddy and she hated it, it’s why I insisted on doing it - or so I told myself.

Something deep inside of me whispered differently, though. I tried to ignore it. She was my best friend and we were going to be living together for the foreseeable future. No one knew when this pandemic would let up.

And lord knows that nothing positive had ever come out of my investments in romantic relationships. So every rational thought in my mind was begging me not to overcomplicate this. I couldn’t stand to lose her friendship, anyway. That’s why I had invited her to spend lockdown with me - my need to know she was okay, and be able to have her around whenever I needed to vent.

She was the only one outside my family who got my anxiety well enough to help me work through it when I was feeling bad, and she had even been able to prevent me from having panic attacks more than once.

I just couldn’t imagine going through this with anyone other than her. I simply hadn’t anticipated how fucking horny this period of forced sexual privation would make me, and I never expected her to become a willing victim to my needs.

But boy, once the liquor hit and she ended up over my lap, shivering as she rode my thigh without a care in the world, was I glad that she did.

“Is this what you like?” I asked, looking up at her with my mouth hanging open, unbelieving of how fucking sexy she looked as she used my body for her pleasure. I didn’t even care that my cock was straining against my jeans, begging me to move her on top of it. As long as I could keep enjoying the show, being a part of it, I was satisfied.

“I wanna learn it,” I pressed, moving my hands to hold her ass, squeezing it the way I’d always wanted to do but never allowed myself to dream about. “I wanna learn how to please you.” She made me feel something I hadn’t felt before, in any of my past relationships. There was attraction, of course, but there was also this deep, familiar feeling that made me feel at home. It made me feel safe, and with the help of alcohol, I was desperate to explore it.

“Ugh,” she groaned, letting her head fall back, drawing my attention to her breasts, the way they bounced in front of my eyes, unfortunately still covered. My mouth watered at the sight of it, wanting nothing much than to strip her bare and wrap my lips around one of her nipples.

“Don’t say stuff like that, Evans.” The comment threw me off, making me frown as I took a hold of the hair on the back of her head and yanked her to me, devouring her lips. They were soft - so much softer than I’d ever allowed myself to imagine.

“Why not?” I panted against her mouth once I was forced to separate from her taste of whiskey to search for some oxygen. She kept moving, her eyes hazy and glossed over, and it sent a pang of lust straight down my body when I realized it wasn’t completely due to the drinks we shared. There was also desire in there.

“You want to learn?” She asked, hands bunching up my shirt as she used her hold to grind against me faster. “Then fuck me, Chris.” She molded her body to mine, engulfing my lips once more as I laid her down on the couch, excited to have her underneath me - excited to see her naked body, explore it, get to know every little thing that made her tick.

I knew it would be a moment I’d forever remember, regardless of the amount of bourbon in my blood. I just never expected it to become something I was so eager to relive over and over and over again.

It was supposed to be a one time thing. When I woke up in the morning, I was ready to go back to being roommates. We were good at that. She was a morning person, by the time I woke up every morning, she already had breakfast ready for me, and then we’d go out to the backyard to let Dodger out together.

We’d sit and talk and then I’d go for a run - she’d have done her yoga already, while I was still asleep - I’d answer some e-mails, she’d work on her laptop by my side and the silence was just as comfortable as all of our late night conversations.

She’d sneak out to the kitchen and come back with a few sandwiches for our lunch, and then the rest of the day would go by with us doing whatever mundane task we had in mind, together even if we were doing separate things, and I didn’t feel suffocated.

I didn’t even run out of things to say. By the time dinner rolled around and I followed her back to the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes while she fixed us dinner - I wasn’t allowed to cook in my own stove, mostly because she was terrified of my food but hid it under the excuse of that one time when I started a fire - then we’d eat together, watch a movie together, talk until we fell asleep - always together.

I was shocked. It’d never been this way in any of my previous relationships. In fact, I was certain it was the reason why they had never worked. I’d given up on any realistic expectation of settling down precisely because of this: I just never expected to find anyone with whom a day-to-day life wouldn’t eventually grow boring.

It’d been three months and I still loved to wake up to her coffee. We still fell asleep every night side by side, too tired to move into different beds because we had laughed our asses off after skyping Scott.

And now that sex came into play in our relationship? I just knew there was no way I’d ever go back to being nothing but friends - or living in a place where she wasn’t the first person I saw when I woke up.

It sucked that it took a pandemic and a night of alcohol to make me realize that, but damn, was I grateful that I decided to open a bottle of whiskey that evening.

I kept waiting for the catch, the moment it would all go to shit, but it never came. Our lives resumed to how they used to be, only now I had this ongoing inner battle to not just bend her over the nearest piece of furniture when we were busy, and the ability to do exactly that whenever there was nothing else to do.

And for a while it was bliss. There wasn’t a nagging voice inside my head questioning this arrangement because it was theoretically perfect. I had a best friend, a roommate and a fuck buddy, all wrapped into one single person that I adored.

Life couldn’t possibly get better - until I realized that I wanted more. Talks of lockdown being over started and she had plans of going back to her place, of course, but I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her.

I wanted to see my family too, but I wanted to take her with me. Introduce her to my mom, see her get along with my sisters. Witness how she’d be with my nephews and nieces - I knew how much she loved kids. And that’s when it hit me.

I’d given my heart to her. Somewhere between the morning coffees and afternoon runs, the nights where I’d rant about all of my silly problems and she actually listened to them - really listened, never making me feel bad about what could only be described as rich people problems.

All the innocent little gestures, and the not so innocent ones - when I discovered she was exactly the nasty slut I’d always dreamed of, the way she would randomly drop to her knees and suck me off, even while I was on the phone. Most times she didn’t even let me repay the favor. She just genuinely liked to blow me.

She also liked to play with me randomly, like when we were watching a movie and she mindlessly reached for my crotch, rubbing me until I got hard. It almost always ended in sex, and I just loved it.

I loved it, and I loved her, and the idea of her ever sharing this idyllic lifestyle with anyone else made me irrationally jealous.

And that’s how I knew it. I didn’t want to mess it up. But how could I not fuck this up?

Xxx

“Chris…” Her sweet voice called out to me, reaching my ears while I was hiding in my office, trying to get my thoughts in order so I wouldn’t just randomly blurt out what I was feeling for my best friend to my best friend.

To her credit, she didn’t try to force me to keep her company - but that only made me fall even deeper for her, leaving me a complete and utter mess while she went about her day as if nothing was wrong in the world.

“Yes?” I looked up to see her by the threshold, clearly reticent about invading my privacy. It made me smile, thinking back on all of the times my exes hadn’t been as understanding, even after I let them clearly know what I was needing.

“I made cupcakes, do you want me to bring you one?” The thought of her in the kitchen, baking a sweet treat just for me had my cock twitching in my pants. Biting my lips, I pushed away from my desk to finally get up and stretch my legs, taking advantage of the monitor to hide my hard-on.

“No, I’ll come eat them downstairs with you.” She smiled before leaving, and I soon trailed after her, walking into the kitchen to find the most delicious-looking little treats, just waiting to be devoured.

Much like her, I supposed.

I was reaching for one of them, already licking my lips in anticipation when something caught my eye, prompting me to raise my gaze and look at her again, but really look at her this time.

She was wearing an apron.

There was nothing inherently sexual about the damn thing, but the way she looked with it, going about her business in my kitchen like she owned the place… It just felt right, seeing her there.

And suddenly I couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Y/N…” I started, leaving the cupcake back on the counter and brushing off the crumbs as I circled the kitchen island to go stand in front of her. She hummed before turning to meet me, smiling slightly to signal that she was listening to what I had to say.

But I didn’t know how to say it. So we just stood there, staring at each other until eventually her smile became a frown. “Chris, what’s going on?” I still couldn’t speak. Much to my absolute surprise though, she just sighed, wiping her hands on the apron while shaking her head, a knowing smile on her face.

“You’re stressed, aren’t you? You’ve been working so much, that’s why I thought the cupcakes would be a good idea,” she explained nodding towards the tray where her sweet treats laid. “They’re a reward and a break all wrapped in one delicious cake.”

The comment was like a punch to the stomach - or a scalding wave of desire rushing through my body, straight to my groin. The idea of her thinking about my needs and catering (quite literally) to them just did something to me, and I didn’t know how to explain it - I don’t think I understood it myself.

“But since they didn’t work…” she continued, blissfully unaware of the conundrum she had put me into. “I know something else that will definitely work.” And just like that, the woman dropped to her knees in front of me, reaching for my sweatpants before I could find a way to close the mouth that was hanging open.

“I guess I’ll grab a sweet treat for myself.” She looked so devious, small hand encircling my already pathetically engorged member, that all I could do was whisper an, “Oh, shit,” when she immediately wrapped her lips around it,  starting to suck me off without any preamble.

My fingers were white as I held onto the counter behind me to keep myself up. She looked so good, staring up at me with her lips wrapped around my dick, I felt like I was about to blow already.

Why did she have to be such a fucking tease?

“Oh, God,” I moaned when she managed to engulf the entirety of my member inside her throat, the choking noises getting to my head. My hand instinctively laced with her hair, first to hold her lips close to my navel, then to pry her completely off of my member.

“What’s wrong?” She questioned once she was able to speak, surprise written all over her features while I was still staring down at her slightly teary face and trying to find my voice.

“I-I have a problem.” There. I said it. I had finally made some progress in my goal to let her know what was going through my head. Only instead of curiosity, what I got was a confused expression from the woman still holding my dick, her eyes darting from my own to the member throbbing between her fingers.

“No, you don’t!” It would have been funny if I wasn’t so fucking frustrated. Yanking her by the hair, I complained, “Not that kind of problem!” pulling her to the living room so I could throw her on the couch, trying to ignore her moans of pleasure in the process.

I’d figured out pretty early on that she had a pretty serious hair-pulling kink, and if my plans of sitting down and having a level-headed conversation were ever in motion, they surely went out of the window the second she pulled my body down to cover hers and adjusted my cock so it would easily fill her.

“Son of a…” I groaned, letting my head fall down against her chest as the little vixen gleefully giggled underneath me, legs wrapped around my torso as she tried to thrust up and tempt me to move.

“Just wait a second,” I managed to reason, but she just shook her head.

“Fuck away your problem, Chris. Use me. I want you to.” Motherfucker. I really couldn’t catch a break with her. Just as she started to make me move again, my hand instinctively wrapped around her neck, lightly squeezing it just enough to get her to shut up.

“I wanna start a family with you,” I finally spilled, looking deep into her eyes as I tried to ignore that I was still balls deep inside of her. Her eyes widened, and now her mouth was the one hanging open.

I couldn’t really relish in it because she looked absolutely delicious and she felt stupidly heavenly to my throbbing dick.

A few seconds went by without as much of a reaction from her and I was about to pull out - despite still being achingly hard - but her legs held me tighter, stopping my plans of leaving her tight haven.

“You know…” She started to speak, a little out of breath, catching my attention as I finally gathered the courage to look her in the eye again. “When I first met you, I thought you were the epitome of a fuckboy.”

The unexpected sentence had me snorting, and then I just couldn’t stop laughing. Finally pulling away from her, she fixed her hair when she sat up and I did the same, shaking my head slightly as I rubbed my eyes.

Our own relative nakedness - well… mine, she was wearing her usual dress with no underwear under the damn apron - didn’t affect anything when I pondered over her words, until I decided to break the silence.

“I mean… I think I was?” She chewed on her bottom lip as she took in my response, analyzing it, weighing its validity in that gorgeous head of hers. I was nervous, but she hadn’t blew me off yet. And quite honestly? I’d do anything for that little hope that was growing inside of me.

“What changed?” Was her question, so unexpected I couldn’t help but question, “Huh?”

“What made you change?” It wasn’t an unwelcome inquiry, especially when the response became clear to me, lighting up my brain and warming my chest, spreading all over my body until I had no choice but to voice it.

“I realized I could have a future with you.” My smile was vulnerable but honest, and in her eyes, I could see that she knew that. When she threw one leg over my lap, straddling my hips, I allowed myself to breathe deeply again, leaning on the soft cushion while taking a hold of her ass.

“So, how are we gonna do this?” She non-nonchalantly asked, slowly rubbing herself against my still half-hard member. I groaned when I realized the implication of her words, knowing that the meaning paired with the feeling of her wet lips dragging along my cock would get it back up in no time at all. “You wanna do me right now?”

The brashness of the question made my eyes light up, as weird as it may sound. In that moment, it became clear just how perfect for me she really was, giving me what I needed exactly in the way I didn’t know how to ask for it.

“See? This is why I’m in love with you.” She rolled her eyes at that, making me laugh. I’d anticipated the gesture, I knew it’d take her longer to say it, but it was alright. The fact that she was willing me to give me a child was more than enough proof of her feelings for me, if her entire behavior ever since she moved in wasn’t already.

“Shut up and fuck me, Evans.” Throwing her back against the couch, she yelped in surprise when I took off my shirt and slapped the inside of her thigh, assuming my usual position of hovering over her smaller frame.

“Spread your fucking legs, darling. I’m gonna fuck you real good.” The way she bit her lip as I slowly penetrated her again showed me just how excited the prospect got her, and as I started to make good on my promise, her moans told me just as much.

“Holy fuck,” she commented as I pounded her ruthlessly, weeks of frustration and the rush of anticipation getting the best of me, and I was glad for the feeling of her nails biting into my skin because otherwise, I’d probably run over the edge of not even caring about her own pleasure as I chased mine.

“You gonna cum inside of me, honey? Make me a mom? Finally fulfill your dream of becoming a daddy?” Her words detracted me from my task of sucking bruises on the skin that was now mine to bruise, mine. I threw my head back, yelling a, “fuck yes,” as my hips sped up, desperate to fill her up, but I was determined to get her to cum before me.

“Say it,” she ordered, small hand circling my throat as best as she could, a throwback to what I’d done only moments prior. It wasn’t enough to choke me, but it did catch my attention. “I wanna hear you say it.”

Tears escaped the corners of my eyes as I blinked, the intensity of the moment overwhelming in the best of ways. “God, you are such a fucking tease…” She chuckled underneath me, giving my throat a squeeze before she raised up on her elbows to kiss my jaw.

“Better get used to it… daddy.” And just like that, I realized that I had yet another kink I hadn’t known about before her. Or maybe it was just her, and I was obsessed with the damn woman, painfully turned on by every little thing that she did.

“I’m gonna cum deep inside your little pussy, sweetheart,” I finally gathered myself enough to do as she asked me to. “You’re gonna belong to me forever now. Give me kids, make me happy. How do you like that?”

The mischievous grin she gave me told me everything. “I love it.” I knew this was her way of saying what she couldn’t yet voice, and I’d take it. I’d take anything she gave me, any chance I got to love this wonderful woman.

We came together, both riding our highs in deep ecstasy. I moaned when I felt myself empty all of my seed inside of her, incredibly excited about the prospect of starting our future together right then.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” I cradled her face in my hands as I struggled to catch my breath, but she turned it to the side and pressed a kiss to my palm and I was breathless all over again. It was such a simple action, why did it get to me so much?

“You’re not too bad yourself, Chris.” I didn’t want to part with her warmth, so I just adjusted us on the sofa in a way that kept me inside of her, sighing contently as I realized I’d never have to sleep away from her again.

“I’m gonna stay right here all night.” I adjusted myself so I was resting my face on her boobs, perfectly happy to do just so, but by the tone of her voice, I knew she had a teasing smile when she called me an, “Old man.”

“And here I was, thinking you’d be able to go again.” Warmth filled my chest at the realization of just how badly she wanted me - just as much as I wanted her too. I was so damn ecstatic. Not even her pokes at my age would be able to affect me.

“Oh, darling… better get ready,” I warned as I adjusted myself to hover over her again, taking notice of the excited glint in her eyes, the way she bit her lip as she stared back at me. “I’m never gonna get enough of you.”

The next morning, I added a new kink to the list of random bits of information that were driving me slowly insane as I felt the overwhelming need to bend the woman that I now got to call ‘mine’ over the nearest piece of furniture and rail her until I had cummed deep inside her pussy: seeing her in my shirt while cooking breakfast.

Yeah, I was going to live a happy life by her side.

[mviswidow]

what if we did?

Thérèse Raquin x Reader

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: slightly suggestive, but otherwise, just fluff

Summary: After having to make excuses to spend time alone together for far too long, Thérèse proposes that she and R run away together.

A/N: i loved writing this so much omg, thérèse is def one of my top 3 fav lizzie characters and she’s so sweet. if you haven’t see in secret, i highly recommend it. i also tagged wanda in this for exposure because the movie isn’t very well known but the lizzie/wanda stans might enjoy this (i also write for wanda, a few other lizzie characters, and like a bunch more people btw). i also couldn’t find a gif for this, so i just used a photo <3

“Madame?” Thérèse calls out after pulling away from your lips when she hears footsteps on the metal spiral stairs.

“I’m bringing tea up for you ladies, it should help with your migraine Thérèse,” She replied, and continued walking up the stairs.

Simultaneously, Thérèse’s eyes and yours widened. You backed away from her after she pecked your lips again, whimpering quietly, and pulled her towards the vanity, ushering her onto the chair and starting to rub her neck.

When the door to the bedroom opened, you and Thérèse both gave Madame Raquin innocent smiles. She conversed with Thérèse for a short while as you took the tea from her and set it on the surface of the vanity, putting sugar in yours.

“I think I might take a nap, Madame, my migraine is getting worse,” Thérèse said, which caught your attention.

“And Y/n? Are you going home?” She asked, now talking to you.

“I, uh-” You shot Thérèse a look before blinking a few times, trying to formulate a response, but coming up with no excuse to stay. “I suppose I should if there’s no reason-”

“No,” Thérèse interrupted suddenly, and you had half the mind to groan at how obvious you felt you were being, but you knew the last thing Madame would ever think was that her ‘dear Thérèse’ was a lesbian.

Madame raised her eyebrows, urging Thérèse to say something.

“I mean, it’s silly to send Y/n all the way home when she’ll have to return tonight for dominos with us. She can borrow a book and read- or she could nap with me? It’s that time of the month for you, isn’t it Y/n? You were complaining about your cramps earlier, weren’t you?” Thérèse gave a look, and you stopped yourself from smirking. She lies so easily.

You nodded in agreement, “Yes, Madame, my stomach has been feeling terrible today.”

She sighed and shook her head, “If it’ll have you both feeling better for tonight, I suppose there’s no harm in a nap. I’ll be back in two hours if you haven’t already woken up, we don’t want you sleeping for too long, you both have to be appropriately dressed when Camille and Laurent arrive early.”

You looked over at Thérèse and watched her bite back a smile as she nodded.

Your heart raced a little as Madame looked around the room halfheartedly, hoping she wouldn’t think too much of the state the bedsheets of Camille and Thérèse’s marriage bed were in already. She took her leave after telling Thérèse to drink the tea before she napped and closed the door behind her. 

Thérèse immediately let out a breath, resting her head on her hand, “It’s getting harder to keep coming up with excuses, Y/n.”

“I know,” You nodded and kneeled beside her, resting your head in her lap the same way you had done earlier that morning and she unpinned your hair from its bun before threading her fingers through your locks gently. “We got lucky this time though, remember what you said to me? ‘I want to fall asleep in your arms, I want to touch your body while you sleep, I want to wake up with your tongue inside-’” You quoted, before she giggled and nudged you.

“Yes, yes, of course I remember.”

“Well we can do two of those things now,” You lifted your head from her lap and smiled softly up at her.

She bit her lip and nodded, “I would love that.”

She looked so beautiful. “I could attempt the third but I would actually like to take a nap, too.”

Thérèse rolled her eyes playfully and put sugar in her tea, stirred it, and started to drink it before speaking, “If you don’t drink your tea Madame will be annoyed when she comes back up here.”

You groaned and stood from where you were kneeling, “I’ll have it, just let me get my torturous skirts off.”

Thérèse chuckled, you always complained about your skirts. At least thrice a week. “You know,” she started, watching you undress to your undergarments. “Considering how many times we’ve almost been caught, we’re quite lucky. And now we’ve been presented with this amazing opportunity to have an excuse to not be in clothes together, but we’re sleeping.”

“Did I do so good earlier that you need me again already?” You teased with a raised brow. “Besides, it isn’t like we can be naked-”

“Yes but we have the timeee,” She interrupted.

Your smirk fell a little and you sighed, running your fingers back through your hair, you thought she’d be excited at the opportunity to actually be able sleep beside you.

Thérèse wasn’t stupid though, and she could read you well, so she took your hands into hers and pulled you to sit on her lap, resting her chin on your shoulder, “I’m sorry, my love. I do want to sleep next to you, we can go again another time. I just feel like we barely get to do anything and now we have so much time. I just want to enjoy it with you.”

You nodded and kissed her nose, “I know, darling, it’s okay. Sometimes I wish we could just-”

“Run away?” She asked, and you noticed the gleam in her eye as she said it.

“Yes, exactly.”

“What if.. What if we did?”

You wanted to scoff because you didn’t think you’d be able to pull it off, but you saw the hopeful look in her eyes and you knew in that moment you would do whatever it took to give her the world.

Thérèse smiled when you didn’t reject her idea immediately, “I know, it would take a lot of planning and preparation, but I’ve been thinking about it.”

“I could ask Laurent to buy us train tickets,” You suggested.

She started to shake her head, “He would know where we’re going then, I don’t want him to tell Camille or Madame, we’d be done for if they found out.”

“My brother wouldn’t tell. He’s already asked about us, I didn’t confirm or deny anything, but he said he’s glad to see us both happy.”

Thérèse bit her lip and sighed softly, “If you trust him-”

“I do.”

She nodded and smiled. You felt your heart flutter and you leaned forward to kiss her tenderly before speaking against her lips, yours brushing hers as you spoke, “We could go somewhere quiet, buy a house or an apartment, it would have to be small-”

“I’d live in a shoebox if it meant I could be with you forever.”

“Then it’s settled?” You asked, pulling back to look her in the eyes.

Thérèse nodded her head eagerly and her eyes got watery, “Yes.”

[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

FEMSLASH FEBRUARY 2021 #15: in which Cameron and Donna are up late

[CN: food and snacking]

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After yet another long day of not being able to go anywhere and not doing much other than staring at the news, Donna gave up on trying to sleep, and went down to the den, where Cameron was sprawled on the couch in front of the tv, under her weighted blanket, listlessly flipping through channels while Licorice, curled up near Cameron’s waist, watched. Standing behind the couch, Donna stuffed her hands into the pockets of her sweatshirt, “Hey. Anything good on?”

Tired, Cameron flatly said, “You just missed your girlfriend and future second wife, Rachel Maddow.”

“I said I liked watching her report the news but wished that she’d wear her glasses on air one time! And besides,” Donna said teasingly, “you know that I’m already on my third wife, Mackenzie Davis.”

“The former Mrs. Four Eyes Emerson and her Oxford degree must be heartbroken,” Cameron said.

“It was pretty mutual actually,” Donna quipped. “I was thinking about making some chamomile tea. Want some?”

Cameron thought about it for a few seconds, and then she said, “That actually sounds kind of nice.”

Donna returned a little while later, carrying a tray with their tea pot, mugs, creamer and honey, and dessert plates with buttered slices cut from the loaf of Irish soda bread that Cameron had anxiety baked just the day before. She set the tray down on the coffee table, and Cameron sat up and stretched her arms up over her head, moving carefully to not disturb Licorice, who also then sat up, and took the opportunity to use a hind leg to scratch an itch behind her ear. As Donna sat down, Cameron reached over and scritched Licorice behind her itchy ear, who purred in response. From the edge of the couch, Donna poured a mug of tea, and then added a large dollop of honey, and plenty of creamer, and handed the mug to Cameron, who accepted it gratefully, and then grabbed one of the plates, and sat back, close to Cameron, making herself comfortable. She pulled the blanket over her lap, and then took a large bite out of her soda bread. Then she took the remote, and said, “There’s gotta be something on. Or, there’d better be with what we’re paying for all these g.d. channels.”

Cameron thought about fighting her for the remote, just to bicker about something silly for once, but didn’t, and instead contentedly sipped her very sweet, hot tea. 

Donna paused on each channel, just long enough for Cameron to comment. Cameron looked over at the bread and thought about taking a slice, and then glanced back at the television, just as Donna found a late night showing of one of the John Wick movies. She couldn’t be sure which one it was, but stopped there, knowing Cameron would want to watch it.

Cameron sat up, interested. She took another sip of tea, and then she sighed, “Man, Keanu Reeves. Have you ever thought about his hair? And just been like, ‘Man, he is blessed’?”

Bemused, Donna said, “He is, isn’t he? I don’t think I’ve given much though to his hair, unless I’m watching one of his movies?”

“I have definitely thought about his hair when I’m not watching one of his movies,” Cameron said. They watched in silence for a few minutes, and then when the movie cut to a commercial, Cameron somberly asked, “You wanna know something that I used to think about a lot?”

“Always,” Donna smiled at her.

Eyes still on the commercial, Cameron said, “I could never imagine dating men again, if we broke up. Like, in theory, maybe I could, but I couldn’t imagine actually being with a man again. If you know what I mean.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” Donna said. “Because I know I couldn’t ever be with a man again even in theory.”

Skeptically, Cameron said, “Really?”

Donna sighed. “I mean…I barely liked Gordon most of the time? And I really did love him, more than I’d ever loved anyone, but still!” 

Cameron laughed. “Oh man, I know, right? Like how is it possible for a person to be so brilliant, and so wise, and so loveable, while also being such a smugly gigantic pain in the rear?”

Donna cackled, and then in a sing-songy voice said, “Takes one to know one, Cam!” Which made Cameron laugh harder.

A few seconds later, the movie came back on, and Cameron said, “The only man I’d consent to be with at this point? Keanu. And I guess not even really Keanu? It’s more like, a hybrid of Keanu and his character in My Own Private Idaho?”

“Ugh, River Phoenix,” Donna sighed miserably. “Do you think there’s fan fiction about the two of them in that movie?” She got up, and grabbed her mug, and poured herself some tea.

“I would be shocked and deeply disappointed if there wasn’t,” Cameron said. 

“We’re gonna have to look that up at some point,” Donna said. Sitting back, she sipped her tea, and then she said, “Well, if we had to part ways, I hope that you and Keanu would come over for dinner, Me and Jodie Foster would be delighted to have you.”

Incredulously, Cameron said, “Wait, seriously?! Jodie Foster?”’

“Yes! Acclaimed actress and director Jodie Foster!” Donna snapped, mildly offended. “We would make a lovely couple, and I’ll thank you to not make any further unsolicited comments to the contrary, Cameron!”

Cameron snorted into her tea, giggling silently at Donna’s exaggerated outrage, which to her, of course, was the height of comedy. And then she said, “Do you really think we’d be having dinner together, after we broke up? You think we’d survive that?”

“I know we would,” Donna said. “And I’m not just saying that because I would love to have Keanu Reeves and his hair over for a meal.” 

“Right?” Cameron said. “He seems like he’d be the perfect guest, doesn’t he?! But ttill.” She grinned over at Donna. “I’m very happy that this worked out.” 

Donna leaned back into the couch, and quickly smooched the side of Cameron’s head. “Same,” she agreed. 

[moon--vixen]

Today, June 28th 2019 around noon, my baby boy Kit passed away in my arms. He was 17 human years old, 95 cat years old. He outlived his kidneys, but he hung on for two days, so we could prepare and give him the end he deserved.

Today, I’d like to share the life of the little angel that changed mine forever.

Some time in October 2002, when I was 9 years old, my Mother and I walked into a pet store we’d never been to before, and right at the front doors was a large cage holding one mother cat and a full litter of kittens, all around 5 months old.

The one little black kitten caught my eye, and in that instant I knew. I knew he was meant to be mine. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I begged my Mother to let me hold him, and she eventually agreed. The store clerk opened the door and let me pick him up, and he instantly melted in my arms, and completely stole my heart. He was completely and utterly relaxed, and even though I was a complete stranger, he was completely at peace letting me cradle him in my arms like a baby, looking up at me with the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen.

I knew in that moment that I couldn’t leave the store without him. I just couldn’t. I begged my Mother to let me have him, but she worried about the logistics of introducing two cats in a very cramped two bedroom apartment that already had 3 people and a 2 year old cat that was notorious for not liking other animals.

She eventually forced me to leave him behind for the night, assured by the store clerks that he would still be there tomorrow. I spent the rest of the day making my case. He’s a black cat, we love black cats. His (temporary) name is Uncle Fester, Wednesday and Morticia Addams were my role models and the Addams Family movies were our favorites to watch around Halloween, alongside Hocus Pocus. And once I pointed out to her how he let me hold him, how relaxed he was, she too was convinced, and it was time to tackle convincing Dad.

But that too didn’t take long. He captured all our hearts, and the next day I walked out of the store with my sweet boy, whom we renamed Kit, after the witches’ familiar from the TV show Charmed. A name I very quickly came to love and took as my own nickname, leading to many funny looks when I would talk about him.

One of the first things we did upon getting him home was give him a bath. The cage he had been in was small, but tall, but it seemed only the mother cat ever left the bottom half. Holding a litter of at least 8 kittens, there was only one small litter box and one food and water bowl. My sweet baby had poop dried on the end of his tail and old food all over his feet.

He didn’t mind the bath. He was so curious about the water, and even played with it, splashing around in it and exploring.

Our other cat, Tiggeriss, knew something was up, and she clawed and hissed at the door. It seemed Mother’s worries were well founded. We couldn’t keep them apart. He was curious about her, and she, the Queen Bee of the house, demanded loudly to be made aware of who had entered her kingdom.

We couldn’t get in or out without them trying to dart in or out. Eventually, we put him back in the carrier and brought it into the tiny living room. Tiggeriss was on it in a second, sniffing wildly. I opened the carrier and he walked straight out, innocent little boy that he was. but in that moment, magic happened.

She hissed at him, and in an instant he plopped over onto his side and exposed his belly to her, submitting to her completely. She sniffed him for a bit, and began giving him a bath.

20 minutes later, they were curled up together taking a nap, like they’d known each other their whole lives. Inseparable, as they’d be for the next 17 years.

He fit into our family perfectly, though it still took some adjusting. We had a black mat at the front door, and often on our way out we’d see nothing but two little green eyes looking back at us, the void swallowing the rest of him whole.

Tiggeriss was still always the Queen Bee, but she clearly considered him her son and treated him as such. When they’d eat, she’d let him have any extra of hers he wanted. When we tried playing with her, all strategic and allowing her to track and hunt the toy, he’d come plowing in like the silly little kitten he was and go nuts.

But it also went the other way. Tig hates car rides, panicking every time we have to take her somewhere. She’d scream and yowl and pace around the car staring out every winder desperate for an escape. But Kit? He was as calm as he ever was. On trips where we’d have to hit the highway he’d get a little car sick at first, but otherwise he stayed calm, and that in turn kept her calm.

We moved into a nice house, and bought them a brand new large scratching post, one twice as tall as I was, and almost still is. They loved it, of course. and it still sits beside me as I write this now, showing all the love it’s gotten for the last 17 years.

He was the snuggliest, most affectionate baby. His relaxed and trusting nature never wavered, even around rowdy children. My friends dubbed him “Mush”, for how he would just melt in your arms without a care in the world, and “Mr. Underfoot” for how he’d always follow you around, and constantly be “underfoot” and in the way, just to be around you more.

And he was always, so, so curious. Always wanting to discover new things, new smells, new experiences. Seemingly he’d forget about his exciting adventures the year before, so every winter he’d discover snow all over again.

He became our wonderful Halloween cat, always enjoying being outside and seeing all the kids coming around with us. Sometimes it’d get to be a bit overwhelming, but he’d still enjoy sitting inside the glass door and watching. He was the best living Halloween decoration we ever had.

My Father, who always claimed to dislike cats and felt dogs were so much better, warmed up to him very quickly, deciding Kit was his cat. We would playfully argue about it often, fighting over who got to lay claim to the cat he didn’t want in the first place.

His days were spent ether on Dad’s bed, my bed, or at the foot of my recliner, snuggling with my feet or in my lap, when he wasn’t playing with one of us or Tig.

He was the most loving cat you’d ever meet. I was always horribly bullied in school. I always assumed that if my classmates themselves didn’t kill me, the stress would. I never bothered to think about my future because I assumed I’d never have one. I had resigned myself to a short life, but then I’d come home to his squeaky little meow, the meow that never deepened no matter how old he got because he was neutered a little too early. And I knew I’d be ok. I had to be. I couldn’t leave him behind. He needed me and loved me and I refused to die on him or Tiggeriss, no matter how bad things got.

Because I knew, as soon as I looked into his eyes, those eyes that loved me unconditionally, who didn’t care about me being gay, or my terrible pimples, who didn’t think I was stupid and ugly and worthless, and I knew that was all that mattered. HE was all that mattered.

Those big, beautiful green eyes, gems adorning the velveteen little rumbling furnace that was our beloved never ending ball of fluff.

In fact, we even got a very nice, fancy comb we were warned was so good it was known to cause a balled spot if we combed him in the same spot too much.

We tried once, just to see if we could. We never made a single dent in his fur, no matter how hard we tried.

And his fur was the softest thing I’ve ever felt. It was like owning a large chinchilla, lost in the void of a starless night. Soft, and shiny, with a rumbling motor boat underneath that you could hear from the other side of the room, especially when he got chin scritches, his favorite place for affection.

Once he hit late adulthood, he developed arthritis. It became hard for him to walk and climb, which meant he spent more time snuggling with one of us than he did playing and exploring anymore, but he seemed to get just as much comfort out of it as we did. He always knew when one of us needed a snuggle, like when I got home after having my wisdom teeth removed. I crashed in my chair instantly, but according to Mom, he climbed right up with me and curled up under my arm and napped with me all day.

No matter how much changed as he aged, how active he was, how well he could walk, how aware he was of himself and his surroundings, some things never changed.

He still loved making things difficult because he just wanted to be close to you,

He still loved lying in the sun and munching on the grass just outside our home,

He and Tig would still climb all over me when morning rolled around and they were hungry,

He still loved his favorite spot next to me on my bed,

And snuggling with his loved ones. Even on his last days.

He knew the end was near. When we took him to the emergency vet, she said she was shocked he was still alive, as he was in such bad shape he could go at any moment. He could have just as easily died the night before, but he hung on. He hung on one more night for us. So we could prepare, so I could have one more night with him in my arms. Just one more night.

And there is nothing in the world I am more thankful for than him, and the love he showed me for the last 17 years.

Rest in peace my angel.

You will forever be loved, and never, ever forgotten.

[obeymefanfics]

Caught in the Middle

Pairing: Solomon X Ester X Asmodeus

Summary: Dating the human sorcerer was one thing, but having the avatar of lust’s constant flirting and advances was becoming a bit of an annoyance to Solomon. 

“Oh Ester you look so stunning today! I love what you did with your hair,” Asmodeus said in a flirtatious manner twirling a lock of pink around his finger. Resting my chin in the palm of my hand, it irks me to see the avatar of lust fawning over my girlfriend as even if it was expected of him there were times when the demon was pushing it. Watching them chat as the moment Asmodeus started hugging them and rubbed his face against hers was when I scoffed ever so lightly. 

“Excuse me but do I need to remind you who’s girlfriend you’re getting a bit too touchy with,” I said catching both of their attention as Asmodeus didn’t seem phased by it in fact the demon just started to smirk and continued with what he was doing. “Oh I’m sorry, did I make you jealous while I’m being more affectionate than you,” he teased, though it almost sounded like he was taunting me and honestly I was starting to question our friendship. It seemed that she caught on to the tension that was being created by the way she shifted away from him.

“H-Hey let's not start anything please,” Ester jumped into the conversation as she really didn’t like when friends argue or fight. Shuffling her way over to me, she must have thought she’d just sit in her spot next to me. “I still can’t see how you two are together,” Asmodeus said, only rolling my eyes at his comment. I carefully grabbed Ester and pulled her onto my lap resting my chin on her shoulder. “Because even though Ester’s an underrated witch, she’s my beloved underrated witch,” I simply replied in a teasing manner which I instantly got a response from her as she shifted slightly with this small glare and softly smacked me. “Even though you’re a complete pain in the ass, you’re my pain in the ass,” she said as I saw that small smile she had, causing me to chuckle and kiss her cheek. The bell rang signaling that classes were in session which I let Ester go letting her sit next to me as Asmodeus went off to his seat.

~~~ Later That Day ~~~

I was getting ready for my date with Ester, brushing my hair. I picked up my d.d.d to text her to make sure she was ready as I typed “Hey I’m going to be heading over soon I hope you’re ready” After hitting send I set it down briefly so I could finish fixing my hair. The vibrate of my device going off I picked it up to see what she said only to see it was Asmo who replied.

Asmo: I didn’t know you were coming over, where are we going???

Ah shit I texted our group chat instead of just my girlfriend. I saw the little dots showing someone was typing:

Ester: Yup! I’ll be ready by the time you’re here 🥰

Asmo: 😱

Asmo: You two are going out on a date?! And DIDN’T tell me!

Rolling my eyes did he always have to be this nosy. I ended up texting “We don’t have to tell you whenever we’re going out all the time.” Putting my device in my jacket pocket I set out as I should get over there before Asmodeus tries to cut in or try to tag along.

Thank god for magic as it definitely saved me some time as I was finally making my way up the steps to the front door of the house of Lamentation. The door opened as there was Satan as he opened it wider inviting me inside which I walked in thanking the avatar of wrath. “I’m assuming you’re here to see Ester; she’s in her room,” Satan said before walking off and I made my way to her room.  Giving a small wave to some of the other brothers I passed by I eventually got to my girlfriend’s room, I was going to knock but then I heard talking so I just stopped to listen for a moment.

“Bibi come on, can’t you guys have a stay at home date, we could watch movies together,” I heard Asmo’s voice as I gritted my teeth. “Asmo there are plenty of days where the three of us can hang out, but tonight’s just not one of them,” I heard her say and it brought a smile to my face. Deciding not to waste any more time I turned the knob and opened the door, inviting myself in. 

“Hey babe I’m here,” I said announcing my presence as I got to see she was beautifully dressed in a white halter top and a long harvest orange skirt with a small slit on the side. She jumped and looked over as I couldn’t help but chuckle as she really was so easy to startle; so cute. “I’m sorry did I keep you waiting,” she said with a small look of guilt and panic as I shook my head in a no manner before wrapping an arm around her waist holding her close. “Nah I thought I’d just come in and grab ya, you look great,” I said kissing her cheek as I saw the small glare Asmo had. “Well we should really get going, we’ll see ya later Asmo,” I said starting to leave the room with Ester by my side until Asmo stood in the doorway. 

“Awww you sure I can’t come with you guys?? It’ll be fun, just the three of us together! We’d be the best looking couple,” Asmo said, batting his eyes, causing me to let out a sigh as this wasn’t the first time he'd asked me if he could join our relationship. “This really isn’t a conversation for today, can’t we save it for another time,” I asked as I just wanted to have some alone time with her but apparently it was too much to ask for. “No because that’s what you’ve always said and before you two even started going out you knew exactly how I felt about her, yet still hogged her to yourself. I may care for you too but Ester is very… Special to me,” Asmo said with a small sad pout on his face as I hated it when he made that face, it always made me feel bad. 

Ester was silent but by the small glimpse of her face she had a guilty look on her face as her freckled shoulders slumped a tad. “.... If she accepts, will it make you stop,” I asked, letting out a small huff in defeat as if this just kept on going who knows how things would turn out. Ester slightly pulled away from me as her face was bright pink before I heard her stammer, “W-Wait accept what?” Walking to her in a small stride I watched as Asmo wrapped an arm around her waist and a big smile on his face before I heard him respond with “To accept me as your second boyfriend silly.” Walking over to join them I held her chin with my hand. Getting to witness her grow more and more red in the face was entertaining as her eyes looked at me and Asmo. 

“I-I...I mean you’re both really important to me and- I uh... umm- I suppose… It couldn’t hurt,” Ester answered slowly which Asmo smiled brightly immediately showering her in kisses. “This is probably the best day of my life~ You’re so cute when you make faces like that my dear Ester,” Asmo cooed, leave it to him to be the overly affectionate one, though going with it I chuckled. “Looks like you’re caught in the middle babe,” I said before joining in on showering our girlfriend in kisses; I couldn’t let him have all the fun. “You-You both are t-teases,” I heard her sweet voice only able to laugh a bit against the soft skin of her neck. Needless to say there was a change in plans as our dinner date turned to a private bedroom celebration and none of us were going to be getting any sleep tonight.

[americanowrites]

All I Want

CHAPTER 7

It was movie night. Apparently this was a tradition; one Harry had made up when I tried to back out of it. He was adamant, armed with the idea that I ‘hop on the tube and come over’, even after I’d pointed out the time. Lucy wasn’t home or else she’d never let me leave the house at nine in the evening. So that was how I found myself sat on Nick Grimshaw’s sofa, with a glass of specially bought Dr Pepper, holding a bowl of popcorn whilst trying to avert my eyes from Harry Styles’ bum.

It was a sight I was finding hard to resist, especially since he kept wriggling about. It was like he was trying to make me faint. His bum was all I could think about, concentrating on the curve and the tightness of his jeans, feeling very much like a pervert. But it was better than thinking about the other thing. The thing that had plagued me day and night since it happened.  

Seventy two hours ago we were kissing.

I didn’t even know why I kissed him, why I fooled myself into thinking it was something he wanted. I think I caught a couple of his glances and added them up with the touches and smiles and his overwhelming kindness and came up with some warped sum that he liked me.

He hadn’t mentioned it, so neither had I. I wasn’t even sure if he even remembered it, but judging by how much he complained about his hangover and the headache he’d had, I found it hard to believe he remembered anything from his party. I remembered it though; every detail was etched into my skull, replaying over and over. I kept thinking about the feel of his hands on my back and the way his breath mixed with mine, the minty taste of his tongue mixed with the vodka we’d been drinking.

 I needed to know if he remembered; I was going mad thinking about him thinking about it. Was him not talking about it his way of telling me it was a onetime thing and that he regretted it? I knew Harry Styles; I could only imagine the list of girls he’d kissed. Maybe I just happened to be there at the right time, when his mind was cloudy enough and his hands and lips desperate for the taste of someone. There were a lot of girls at his party; it could’ve been anyone.

 But he picked me. Surely that meant something?

 Of course there was the possibility that he was so drunk that he didn’t even know who he was kissing. I thought I remembered him saying my name, but I was convinced that I’d imagined it. I was deliberating with the idea that I’d dreamed the whole thing.

 I was beginning to wonder if that’s why I was here, so we could talk because I was thinking that it was something was needed to do. If we both remembered the kiss then we couldn’t just ignore it. Friends didn’t kiss each other at parties. No one kissed like we had and then pretended it didn’t happen. Nick was out, we had the house to ourselves, we could talk about it, about what it meant and what was going to happen. But so far all we’d talked about was the weather and the new teabags Harry was trying, he was bored of Twining’s and had found a little tea shop in Camden earlier. We’d talked about everything but the kiss and we’d definitely not had another round of kissing, and while I knew it was silly, a part- a big part- of me wanted to have another taste of his lips, I wanted to practise with him a bit more.    

“This had better be good.” He interrupted the imagined scene I was beginning to conjure of us kissing on the sofa I’d snuggled myself into, and lifted the DVD case above his head, one hand still fiddling with wires behind the TV.

“And you had better not break that TV, are you sure you know how to work it?” I was sceptical about his ability to work anything; he wore a confused expression whenever faced with something electrical, let alone the 3d widescreen TV that he was currently faced with. I had visions of him electrocuting himself and going up in flames. “Because you kinda pose a fire risk with the amount of product you use on your hair.” I shovelled a mouthful of popcorn into my mouth, the bowl already half empty, I would have been embarrassed but Harry had eaten most of it, I was just getting my fill before he came back.

“Hey, this is all natural. I just shake and go.” He dropped the case onto the rug and gripped the entertainment cabinet, the TV wobbled above him.

“It’s going to fall and you’ll die.” I mumbled through my full mouth, but he had no trouble hearing.

“It won’t fall.”

“How much are you willing to bet?”

“Shh April. I’ve nearly got it.” I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see and hauled myself off of the sofa. This needed a woman’s touch.

“Move out the way.” I pushed his shoulder, causing him to lose his balance and topple to the floor. He lay hunched up, staring up at me with a scowl on his face.

“I nearly had it then.” He pouted like a two year old, all he needed to do was stamp his foot and his transformation would be complete.

“You’ve been saying that for the past half an hour. I’ve got things to do tomorrow, I can’t be late home.” Harry scrunched his face up at my comment and lifted his arm, glancing at his watch.  

“You’ve got plans? I thought we could do something.” He frowned slightly and my heart leapt at the adorable look on his lovely face.

“Next time ask a girl in advance,” I jammed a wire into the back of the TV, causing the screen to illuminate and Harry to groan. “There we go.” I grinned down at him, failing to contain the smugness inside of me. I watched as he rolled his eyes and stood up, his legs bending in ways I didn’t think natural.

 “Is twelve hours not enough warning?” He stuck his hand into the bowl, dropping a few pieces of popcorn as he stuffed his mouth. He looked at me whilst he chewed, rising his eyebrows.

“Your eyebrows are like slugs,” I pointed out, making him scowl and pucker his lips. “Like cute fluffy slugs.” I tried to amend my observation.

“Slugs are not cute or fluffy.” He dramatically swooped his face away from me, causing me to laugh and him to look even more offended.

“Now, now Curls, don’t get upset.” I reached across and messed up his hair, the softness never failed to amaze me, neither did the pure scale of it. How he had so much hair, I’ll never know.

“Too late. I’m devastated.”

“Aw. How do you feel about the nickname fluffy? Because I’m liking it.” He jabbed a button on the remote, I guessed that was my answer.  

“This had better be good.” He repeated his earlier statement, one which I’d ignored. We’d argued enough over the film, with me finally winning after promising I wouldn’t talk all the way through, apparently I had a habit of doing that.

“I love a superhero film.” Harry sighed at my side, acting like it was a huge toll on him to watch. We were sitting fairly close together his weight causing me to lean into him, so I felt the sigh as well as heard it.  

“I hate them.” I spun my head to face him, my mouth hanging open in disgust.

“What? Who are you? How can you hate them?”

“Because,” He shrugged, like it was no big deal. It was a big deal, superhero films were my favourite kind, rivalled for my affections with horrors. “They’re just ridiculous, and so unrealistic, and they cause loads of damages with like no care about the cost. Who pays for it? Who has to clean up the mess left by dudes flying around saving the world? That’s what I’d like to know, why don’t they ever show you that?” We sat staring at each other, him with his brows raised like they so often were and me with my mouth hanging open.

“That’s not what they’re about. And who wants to see that? I reckon you’re the only person who’s ever even thought that.”

“Well more people should. It’s something that needs addressing.” He was smirking now, his eyes failing to meet mine.

“So what, you hate an entire genre of film, because it causes too much of a mess? That is so beyond ridiculous.” I was shaking my head, so I didn’t see him reach into the bowl and lift a handful of corn out, and I didn’t see him launch it at me.

 Popcorn splattered across my face, jabbing me in the eyes before falling to my lap, one piece even hit my tongue before falling. I stared at the clusters in my lap, before I glared over at a smirking Harry.

“Do you want me to knock that smirk off your face?” I spat at him, the smirk growing and his eyes twinkling.

“Ooh, is that a threat? Gonna try some superhero moves on me?” His eyebrows wriggled at me, the slugs were taunting me, goading me.

“Oh yeah and I plan on making so much mess.” Harry laughed at me, rolling his head back against the sofa; he didn’t see me fling myself at him. It wasn’t as agile and fluid as I would have liked, our arms and hands collided, and I fell into the arm of the sofa, my face squished against the cream velvet. Harry wriggled underneath me, attempting to knock me off, laughing whilst moving. And before I knew it, I was laid on my back, my legs hanging off the sofa and Harry spread out on top of me. He was grinning down at me manically, his hair falling around his eyes; he shook his head in an attempt to move the brown strands out of his eyes. His smile never faltered and neither did mine.

“Are you reconsidering your threat now?”

“No.”

“You sure?” He shook his hair against my face; an overwhelming scent of Coconut smothered my nose. I could feel the warmth of his mouth ghost over my face, washing over my lips, I felt my tongue dart out, wetting my lips as I struggled to inhale as much of him as I could.  

“Get off me. I can’t breathe.”

“Repent!”

“Never,” He wriggled around, trying to shake me; all he did was stick his elbow into my chest. “Your elbow is stuck in my boob!” He didn’t let a second pass before he sprung off me and stood up. I could see a tinge of red on his cheeks, and I couldn’t decide if it was because of embarrassment or excitement about our little fight.

“Um. I… I’m s- sorry. Did I hurt you?” He pressed his teeth into his bottom lip slightly, the sight made me feel dizzy.

“No, it’s just fat. Hardly any feelings at all.” I shrugged it off, because I didn’t know what else to do. He smirked a little before replying.

“That’s not what other girls say.” He added a wink that had me rolling my eyes.

“You are terrible. I dread to know what chat up lines you use.”

“Shall I hit you with a few?” This time he added a pout to his wink, resulting in a rather attractive face, which had my heart twisting and my mouth turning up into a smile.

“Save it. It’ll take a lot more than chat up lines and a wink to get me in your bed.”

“Who said anything about a bed? I was thinking the rug would be a good place. Nick had it steamed the other day.”

“Eat your popcorn and watch the film Styles.” I laughed, trying to disguise the sound of my heavy breathing.

  Captain America had just flown the plane into the ocean when Nick walked through the door. My stomach immediately started churning; I’d met Nick before, at Harry’s party and again the day after the party when Harry kidnapped me and forced me to come and look at Nick’s new rabbit. Harry said it was the coolest rabbit ever yet all I saw was a ball of grey fluff that didn’t do anything but stare at us. Harry and Nick were insanely offended by my lack of enthusiasm and demanded I make dinner as an apology. After being bugged for over an hour, I finally relented and made fajitas. Nick and I had chatted whilst he chopped the peppers and I fried the chicken, but Harry had been there acting as a buffer, adding puns and jokes whenever he saw an opening, which was often. I still felt nervous around Nick and I didn’t even know why.

 But, I mean it was Nick Grimshaw, I listened to Radio One every morning but in all honesty I found him a bit annoying, so I didn’t know how to act without letting him know that I wasn’t his biggest fan. Plus I was sat on his sofa, with a sleeping Harry Styles on my shoulder. I wasn’t sure if this would strike him as odd or normal. Did Harry often have girls over?

“He actually let you watch this? You must have magic powers; he normally acts like a right bitch whenever I want to pick the film. Odd seeing as it’s my house,” Nick’s voice echoed around the room, causing Harry to mumble something and press himself further against my body. His face now pressed against my collarbone and his knee resting on top of my leg.

 “He’s asleep? Is this a recent development?”

“I think he lasted about ten minutes.” Nick shook his head and grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl at my side.

“Kid falls asleep anywhere. I once found him on the toilet, dead to the world. Who falls asleep on the toilet?”

“Fucking hell Nick. Stop talking so loud.” Harry grumbled and stirred next to me, his voice rougher and lower than usual, the words almost catching in his throat. He made no attempt to move away from me as he reached up to rub his eyes.

“Don’t fall asleep on the sofa if you don’t wanna be woken up. You’re practically dribbling on the poor girl.” Nick pointed at me, Harry replied with a middle finger.

“I don’t dribble.”

“Her shirt would suggest otherwise, Harold.” Nick laughed when Harry lifted his head; sure enough there was a dark patch on my t shirt exactly where Harry’s mouth had been. “Either that or you were trying to suck her.” I laughed, failing to stop my cheeks from turning red. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve seen him try.” He laughed as he strolled into the kitchen.

 The way Harry groaned and tutted, I think it was Nick’s favoured way of annoying Harry. He was now sat up, with his legs crossed, just like me. His fingers were rubbing against the hem of his jeans, which he was watching with interest.

“Sorry for dribbling. Must have been comfy.” He laughed softly, it sounded tame compared to his usual laugh.

“No worries, I guess I make a great pillow. Nice and plump.” I tried to laugh but the sound caught in my throat.

“April.” Harry sighed and shook his head; I don’t know why he was disagreeing. But then again, it was the polite thing to do and everyone knew Harry was polite.

“Do you mind driving me home?” I looked out of the patio doors, a black mirror greeting me, we hadn’t pulled the curtains on, and so I could see our reflection staring back at me. Harry lifted his head and stared at it too.

 We looked odd; he was over a head taller than me even whilst sitting and his long lean body contrasted with my short round one. However we were both wearing plain white t shirts and black skinny jeans, almost like we planned it. He looked perfect and all I could see was my messed up hair, my patchy skin and my fat roll straining against my t-shirt.

 He smiled at me in the reflection, it was a lovely smile, one I wished he used more. It looked confident but was hiding a tinge of shyness, not a trait I usually linked to Harry. He was so charming and boisterous that it was hard to imagine he ever had anything to be nervous about.

“Have you two eaten? I’m calling for Chinese and I need someone to share the spring rolls with or I’ll eat them all.” Nick called from the kitchen, the sound travelling easily through the open plan layout.

“Stay?” Harry’s voice was quiet, only I could hear the hilt of the words and see the desired answer in his eyes.

“Will you drive me home after? I don’t have enough money for a cab and it’ll be too late for the tube.”

“I meant stay the night.” His reply left me stumped. He wanted me to stay over? We didn’t do things like this; he always made sure I was home or that he’d left my flat well before midnight. Sleepovers were not what we did. It wasn’t what friends did. At least not friends like us.

“Harry… I don’t know.” I was biting my lip with such intensity that I was expecting to taste blood soon. We’d kissed a couple of nights ago, I didn’t think it was such a good idea to be sleeping over, not when the kiss was clearly not remembered by one of us.

“Why not? I’ll drive you home in the morning. You said Lucy was in Berlin, so she won’t miss you,” Lucy was in Berlin, I can’t remember telling him that but I must have. My brain was working to find an excuse, but I knew I’d told him I had no plans tomorrow other than reading a book I bought earlier. I had no out. And I was a little bit glad of it. “If it’s sleeping arrangements, I’ll sleep on the sofa and you can take my bed. Nick’s messing around with the other spare room so it can’t be used.” His voice was slowly gaining volume, but he still sounded uncertain.

“I have work to do, lots of work.” my mind flashed to the pile of books waiting for me.

“Are your books here or Leeds?”

“Leeds.” I admitted, a smug grin forming on Harrys face. He was good.

“So you can’t do it anyway, come on.” He nudged me, his eyes shining brightly. He was dazzling to look at when he was like this; cheeky and happy.

“Are you two ignoring me or do you have your tongues down each other’s throats?” Nick’s voice cut through the stare off taking place between Harry and I. I blushed again at his comment, he had no shame.

“Fuck off Nick,” Harry spat back, not breaking eye contact with me. I wanted to stay, I really did. I just didn’t know if it was right. “Come on April, I won’t bite you during the night and my sheets are clean.”

“I don’t have a toothbrush.” Or knickers, I added mentally.

“I have spares.”

“You have spare toothbrushes?” I knew my tone was questioning and I knew he could see my mind working to figure out why he had spare toothbrushes. This was clearly a regular thing.

“I like to take a new one whenever I go away so I buy them in bulk. It’s cheaper.”

“Guys,” Nick came and stood behind the sofa, hands on his hips. “I’m gonna pass out any minute. I need food.” I turned my head to see Nick frowning down at us. I never did anything impulsive, everything I did was thought out. I never made plans on the spot, I need advance notice. Harry was quickly changing that.

“I’ll have Chicken Chow Mein please.” I grinned at Nick, seeing his face light up at finally getting an answer. I flicked my eyes down to Harry to see him grinning too, his face was alive and I love that I made that happen.

  “I’m never eating again.” Harry groaned and rolled around on the bed, the blue cover crumpling beneath him, his hair sticking up around his head in every direction looking frizzy and knotty.  

“You’ve said that three times in the last ten minutes. No one forced you to eat the last spring roll. Or the rest of my rice. Or the Magnum.” Shooting him a hard look through the open bathroom door. From my position stood on the cold bathroom floor, curling my toes at the icy sensation, I could see him rubbing his belly, his eyes closed as though in physical pain.  

“My pride made me do it. What sort of man would I have been had I let food go to waste?”

“What type of man are you going to be when you’re sick down the toilet? I’m not holding your hair back.”

“I have my bobble. I’ll be fine.” He groaned again, I ignored him and started scrubbing my teeth.

 A few minutes ago Harry had rummaged around in a drawer and produced ten toothbrushes, in a variety of colours and told me to pick any I wanted. The way his eyes narrowed when I went for the pink had me backtracking and choosing purple. He wanted the pink apparently. I thought it was a little weird how comfortable he was at Nicks, it wasn’t like he was staying over, it was like this was his house too. I wanted to ask why he was here and why his clothes were hung up and the drawers full of his stuff, but I didn’t think I was allowed, I didn’t see why I had a right to know.

 I had decided on leaving my makeup on, I didn’t have any with me and there was no way I was letting Harry see me without it. My eyeliner would be a bit smudged but I figured I could try and work it, or rub it off. I was more concerned about my lack of knickers. Harry hadn’t seemed to realise that I didn’t have a spare pair, unless he thought I carried them with me. Or went without them.

 I could see him in the mirror of the en-suite, still dramatically rolling around on the bed. I almost wanted him to be sick, so he would learn a lesson, no one should eat that much food in one sitting, though him and Nick had both rivalled each other in terms of consumption levels. I finished my teeth, spitting the paste into the sink before rinsing it down the drain. I looked down at my legs, still covered in my jeans. I wasn’t going to sleep in them, but I didn’t want to take them off while Harry was still here. He would look and I couldn’t deal with that.

“Are you going to bed soon?” I called to him, causing him to stop his rolling and lift his head to look at me. His eyes were open now and I saw him drop his eyes to my legs; he was looking before I’d even taken the jeans off.

“I have some pants you could wear. And when I say pants, I mean boxers.” He looked back up to my eyes, I couldn’t see the green from my distance, but I could see the kindness. I was so thankful that he hadn’t offered me his sweats, I couldn’t bear the thought of trying to squeeze myself into them and having to tell him they don’t fit.

“I am not wearing your boxers.” I told him, turning the bathroom light off and closing the door.

“There’s nothing wrong with them! They’re clean and they don’t have holes. What more could you want?”

“An asteroid would have to hit the Earth before I wore your boxers. Maybe a T-shirt though?” I was fairly sure I could fit into one of his tops. He wore them big and baggy. “A big one.” I added as an afterthought.  

“So demanding,” Harry jumped from the bed, his sickness seemingly forgotten and opened a chest of drawers. I wandered over to him, revelling in the plush carpet beneath my feet, Nick had good taste.

 A view of a mass of cotton filled my eyes. Harry’s wardrobe staple was a T-shirt and this drawer contained most of them. There was a sea of black and white, the only colours he seemed to own and I watched as he reached in and pulled two out. “Floyd or Stones?” He held out two T-shirts, a black and white, I took the white one from him.

“Stones.”

“Great choice.” He pushed down the remaining T-shirts and closed the drawer; I took it as my cue to change.

 “Looks good.” Harry told me as I stepped into the bedroom; he was lounged against the headboard, with his ankles crossed. I pulled the hem, trying to get it to cover more of my legs. I’d decided to take the jeans off, Harry would have to avert his eyes and maybe he would take it as a hint to leave so I could sleep.

“Charmer.” I sat on the side of the bed, my legs dangling and toes brushing the carpet.

“So do you need a bedtime story? I think Nick is very willing.”

“I think I’ll be fine,” I smiled at him, seeing him close his eyes. “So are you going to bed?” His eyes remained closed, but I heard him sigh.

“Oh yeah, I mean I still feel sick. But I guess I can run up stairs if I need to.” He pouted his lips, a trick he used when he wanted to get his own way. I looked away, unable to look at his lips without thinking about them against mine.

“Nick doesn’t have a downstairs bathroom?” I raised my brows at him, I was sure I’d seen on.

“It’s broken.” Harry replied matter-of-factly, his voice level and serious.  

“I’m sure you’re a fast runner.” I patted his leg, his eyes pinged open at my touch.

“Yeah, I mean it would be easier and safer if I was in my own bed.” He slowly lifted his shoulders to his ears, the pout still present.

“I’ll take the sofa. I don’t mind.” The words hadn’t fully left my mouth before he was shaking his head. I wasn’t sure what else he was suggesting, other than me going home.

“No, no. I want you to sleep in here. It’s cold downstairs.” He drifted his eyes to the mattress, looking at in with a longing gaze. When our eyes met again I instantly knew what he was thinking.

“Oh. I mean. I guess you could. You can stay in here too if you want?” I struggled with my words at first, before throwing them all out, in a jumbled mumble. Harry grinned and started nodding.

“If you’re okay with that. I promise I won’t touch you,” I couldn’t ignore the way my heart sank when he said those words. I knew he wouldn’t, but he sounded slightly disgusted by the idea. “And I’ll even sleep in a T-shirt and I never do that.” My mind couldn’t stop itself of imagining him sleeping in just his pants; I just prayed my cheeks didn’t betray me and flush.

“Come on then, I’m tired.” I managed to speak in a normal voice, my comment causing him to once again leap off the bed and dive into the drawer.

 I watched as he pulled out the black Pink Floyd T-shirt, and then casually cross his arms before hauling the plain white tee from his back. I thanked all the gods that his back was facing me, because I don’t think I could have survived the sight of his chest. The back was bad enough.

 I distracted myself from his tanned, toned back muscles by slipping into the bed. The white sheets felt soft against my bare legs and the duvet was like a cloud. I wanted to move into this bed. I stared at the ceiling, refusing to allow my eyes to move towards him again.  

“Floyd and the Stones in bed together. How exciting.” Harry laughed at his own remark, causing me to also chuckle.

“Can I tweet that? It’s good.”

“Tweet away, maybe don’t mention.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” I couldn’t imagine the furore that would start if I tweeted about him and bed in the same tweet. It was bad enough if I tweeted anything remotely related to him. I tweeted a photo of a smiley face drawn on a banana the other day, and everyone replied talking about Harry. Some even said I was using him to get more followers. Which was crazy, I was already perplexed about the amount of followers I had because of Harry. I’d simply tweeted a photo of a banana Tom had thrown at me, and all hell broke loose.

  @AprilSummers “Floyd and the Stones in bed together. How exciting.”

The notifications started almost instantly.

“Your fans are fast.” I told Harry as he pulled the other side of the covers back and slid in, facing his body towards mine. He sighed lowly as he dropped his head against the pillows. I’d had a similar reaction. The pillows were so soft, that the weight of his head caused the sides to push up and restrict his view. He pushed his hand against the pillow, so he could fully see me. My body involuntarily turned towards him, my chest facing his, my eyes meeting his vivid green ones.

 I was desperately willing my mind to forget the other night and the feeling of our bodies and lips pressed together. We’d shared kisses, but this situation was a lot more intimate, there was something different about sharing a bed with someone. I was regretting my agreement to stay; I shouldn’t be doing this to myself. He didn’t remember and if he did, he clearly wasn’t happy about what happened.

 “Why?” He raised his eyebrows in question, as we sat in identical position, staring at each other.

“They’re already tweeting me. Everything I say they think is about you.”

“Well this one is.”

“Yeah but not everything. It’s just odd.”

“Does it annoy you?” His voice was gentle but probing, I could tell he wanted an honest answer.

“I find it funny. It’s the questions that annoy me.” My response had him frowning; his green eyes had dulled in the lack of light, making him looked dark eyed and a little bit dangerous.

“The questions? What questions?” He brushed a lock of hair away from his eyes; nothing was going to block his view of me.

“I get asked a lot of questions.”

“About me?”

“Yeah. And the other boys. And us.”

“They think there’s an us?” He concluded, a note of resentment colouring his tone.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.” He sounded sad, a tone of voice that didn’t suit Harry. He was meant to be happy.

“You don’t have to apologise Harry.”

“Yes I do. I’ve seen this happen before, some people we know can’t even tweet anymore and I don’t want that to happen to you. I’d tell you to ignore them, but that’s useless advice. I guess I don’t really know what to say. Just sorry.” He sighed, sounding frustrated at either himself or the situation. Or both.

“I can deal with it. I mean I have to, if I want to be your friend.” His eyes looked sad, like he was used to hearing it. Or hearing worse. I was willing to bet that some people couldn’t handle his fame or the attention; I desperately didn’t want to be one of those people. I wanted him in my life, and if I had to deal with a few fans then I would.

“I might not be worth it.”

“Oh I’m not so sure; I think this duvet alone makes it worth it.” I rubbed the top of the sheet, humming in appreciation.

“You’re using me for the bed?” he gasped, dropping his mouth in shock.

“And your sensational wit.”

“Unbelievable.” The shaking of his head caused a few strands of hair to fall across his forehead. He’d been wearing his hair pushed back lately, the fringe was gone and I kinda missed it.

“Suck it up kid,” Harry laughed, before his eyes dropped shut, I knew he wasn’t asleep, but he was going to be in a few moments. “Goodnight Styles. I’m real glad I’m in your bed.”

“Goodnight Summers, I’m real glad you agreed to be.”

 @Harry_Styles How much Chinese food is too much Chinese food?

 shes with harry, you know she is

I hate her

Shes rubbing our faces in it.

I hope a camel shits on her

[giranswife]

More Babies, More Chores

Summary: It’s bed time at the Shirogane household, and that means wrestling with the kids for their baths and last minute chores. There’s a little surprise in store for the couple, who had no idea that they’d have more bodies to attend to in the near future.

W: self-insert x canon, fluff

(( Note: This is the announcement we’ve all been waiting for! Coming soon on March 19th, is our sweet baby girl! We didn’t plan this, but we are super excited for our cutie pie. I might actually have her come a bit earlier in terms of fics, just because I can’t wait that long to write another XD but that is going to be her birthday! This fic also takes place in the summer, because that’s around the time whenever she was technically conceived. This is my self-insert shipped w a canon character. Also let me now if you’d like to be tagged in my next baby and pregnancy fics I make! ))

@self-shipping-angel

The beginning of summer is always an exciting time in our household. Especially with a three year old and two middle schoolers. It’s the time that Ariana and Sage are finishing up their schooling and about to be on their break. It was definitely a lot to handle, but after Hiroshi was born we got into a good groove of things. We were finally figuring out what worked good for us and what was great for the family.

It seemed like we had just such amazing kids. Hiroshi was definitely a bigger handful than Ariana was, and definitely a lot more playful than Sage at times. But he just has so much personality that I love so much. I want him to embrace that, especially since it’s mainly just about him being a happy baby.

He’s also using his words a lot, which warms my heart. Shiroe works with him constantly just like he did the twins, and I can just see how curious and fun loving of a child he’s going to be. Just by how he’s constantly looking at the world around him. I couldn’t imagine having such a full life before than I do right now with my babies.

Tonight was the first of many nights of the summer, which meant that none of the kids wanted to go to bed or get ready for bed. Ariana is the worst at this, just wanting to spend more time with me and her dad. But we still wanted to keep them on a schedule, especially with them still being young.

After dinner we let the twins watch a movie with us, and Hiroshi mainly played on the ground in front of me. Sometimes Ari would jump down to play with him or he’d climb up onto the couch to sit in my lap. It was pretty much a nice, calm time with the family. But once it was over it was time to get ready for bed.

Which is my favorite time of the day.

“Alright, who’s getting a bath first?” I asked, clapping my hands just as Shiroe turned back on the lights.

Ariana pushed out her bottom lip, standing up on the couch beside me.

“But Mooommmyyyy-”

“No buts, sweetie! It’s getting late, and you guys still need your baths!”

“Don’t worry, princess. We can watch two movies tomorrow, how does that sound?” Shiroe asked, ruffling her hair.

She giggled, fixing it and mumbling about him messing it up like she always does.

“Can we watch Rapunzel?”

“Of course, we can watch whatever you two want!”

She squealed happily, jumping down and zooming towards the bathroom before I could even ask Sage. Shouting behind her that she was going first and not to let anyone help her. She was getting to the point where she wanted to do just about everything on her own, unless it was having to do with anyone else. With us she is just super hyperactive and silly, which is what I love about my little lovebug.

Shiroe cracked the bathroom door behind her, making sure that if she needed us at all we would hear her.

“What about me?” Hiroshi asked, tugging on my pant leg that dangled from the side of the couch.

I felt like he wasn’t as worried about the bath as he was that Ariana was doing something that he wasn’t.

“You’ll get a bath after Sagey, baby,” I said, poking his nose, “He’s bigger so it’ll be faster. Do you want Mommy to bathe you or Daddy?”

“I want you.”

“Alright, well, looks like I’m on bath duty.”

I giggled, standing up and giving Shiroe a little smile.

My dead felt a little dizzy from standing up too fast, and I felt all of my dinner settle in my stomach. I knew it was only a matter of time before I got nauseous again. It was a good thing, though, because it reminded me of something that I needed to do tonight once the kids went to bed.

I was a little nervous to tell Shiroe what was going on, considering I wasn’t for sure. And I didn’t know how I was going to tell him until I knew for sure. It wasn’t that I thought he’d be upset, more like I just knew we weren’t expecting it.

“Oh, baby,” I said, holding my stomach as I felt it churn a bit, “I forgot to finish the laundry, could you do that for me while I get the kids ready for bed?”

“Sure thing.”

He gave me a kiss on the forehead, leaning down to kiss Hiro on the top of the head.

“There’s quite a bit, though. I tried to do a majority of it, but I forgot when I started dinner.”

“No worries, sweetheart. I’m happy to help.”

He walked passed the two of us to get my basket that I left in our bedroom, and I tidied up the living room and left Sage to play with Hiro. Hearing the two of them chatting together was always adorable. I knew that Sage, even at a young age, was worried that he wouldn’t be a good older brother. But he was the best.

Him and Ari both are the best siblings to Hiro. She tries to help me, even though she’s still small herself. If she wasn’t taking a bath she’d want to help me bathe Hiro or have them take a bath together.

Shiroe walked back into the living room with the basket, that was a lot more full than I expected. I felt a little bad that I had forgotten to finish a load, knowing that a family as big as ours wasn’t easy. But it was me who usually did the laundry before he came home, so I guess it was only fair.

“I’m sorry again, baby,” I mumbled.

He shook his head, “It’s fine, Ashley. Really.”

He chuckled a little, adding on at the end as he passed me.

“At least this is the biggest that it’s going to get.”

I pursed my lips.

I had to tell him. I couldn’t just let him say that and not make a comment.

Turning around, I gave a little giggle as my face turned red. It was really a big, dead give away. And if Shiroe was looking at me, then he would have noticed.

“Yeah, uhm… about that…” I mumbled, turning around to walk away.

Shiroe practically dropped the basket in his hands, fumbling a bit and I was rushing towards the bathroom to check on Ari. It was more about me just wanting to be cheeky than anything else. I really didn’t want to start it all this way, but it was better than waiting.

“Ashley… what does that mean?” He asked.

“Huh? What?” I asked, “Ari, baby, you okay?”

“Yes, Mommy. I’m almost done.”

“Ashley…. Ashley!”

Swallowing hard, I spun around and slowly shut the door behind me. Shiroe turned around to look at me, lifting his brows and I almost lost it. I gave him a little motion to my stomach, shrugging my shoulders a bit. Hopefully he would get the idea, and I almost giggled when I saw the color drain from his face.

We didn’t want to say anything around the kids, so Shiroe basically followed me around trying to get me to say something. I kept telling him I didn’t know about the bun in my oven and I had to check it later. Which was a really funny thing to do with him. He didn’t really say anything other than that I needed to tell him when I checked.

The rest of the time that I got the kids ready for bed it was tough. Because I was so anxious to finally take a test. I’ve been having similar symptoms to my other pregnancies, and I just knew that I was pregnant. But I needed to be sure.

Finally, Shiroe and I were done with the rest of the chores and we both laid the kids down for bed. Ariana and Sage were still sharing a room for now until we could move into a bigger place, which would hopefully be soon. Though, if we have another baby on the way… we’d need a bigger house than that. An actual house, but in all honesty my dream home would be enough.

I sat down on my bed after the bathes and the tuck ins, pregnancy test in hand. I was waiting patiently to look at it, nervous that it wouldn’t be what I wanted it to. Shiroe didn’t seem to talk much, but he squeezed my hand so tightly. It was very comforting, and I could tell he was just anxious as I was.

“I know we said that we weren’t going to have another…”

“We did, but… another wouldn’t be so bad.”

Shiroe smiled a bit, and I could see the happiness in his face. He was the exact same as me. We didn’t expect to have another child and we were fine with our kids now, but that didn’t mean we weren’t excited. We loved our kids and we always wanted a big family. It was just a lot bigger than we originally planned.

It just means more love.

“Alright… time’s up,” I mumbled.

I shoved the stick in his face, sheilding my eyes.

“Baby, you look at it first. I can’t do it.”

“I can’t look at it first!”

“Baby! Pleaaassseeeee??”

“Okay, okay.”

He took it from my hands and I waited with my hands covering my face.

Shiroe paused for several seconds, not saying a single word. It made me very nervous, and I could barely contain the shaking of my hands and entire body. I hated the silence, and I just wanted to know what was going on.

“Shiroe? What is it?”

I slowly uncovered my face, glancing over at him and meeting his eyes.

“Am I…”

He nodded, a smile forming on his face.

“We’re gonna have another baby?” I asked, my eyes watering a bit with tears.

“Yeah, sweetheart… Yeah, we are.”

I pressed my forehead against his, closing my eyes and pulling him closer into a hug.

Even though just a few short days ago we never dreamed of this, I was still more than happy. We were both going to have another baby together. Our family was just getting bigger, and we were the luckiest in the world in that moment.

[chocobabyporcelain]

Could you please write a fic, where Gladio offers his best friend, in which he has been in love for a long time, to become his girlfriend? (It's mutual, but they both do not know about it). Part with NSFW on your own.

Just so you know, the friends-to-lovers trope gives me life! I should apologise, though, I was halfway through writing this at the start of my time away, so I guess you’ve been waiting a while… Sorry.

Also, I ended up not going down the NSFW route with this one. I seem to have some kind of mental block with it comes to actually writing NSFW.

Tagging:  @nemo-ne-impune-lacessit @itsmootothecow @insomniasix @mp938368 @insomniacapples @itshaejinju @expectogladiolus @bluechocobo @airlea-sicarius @diadyn @birdsandivory @alicemoonwonderland @mandakatt @zacklover24 @eternallydaydreaming2015 @1000wolflover @stopmopingstarthoping @dreamiggy @grumpyoldmoogle @unerring-connoisseur(If you want to be added or removed from the tag list, let me know asap)

It wasn’t thephone ringing that woke Gladio. Nor was it the blinding light of hisscreen displaying caller ID. Gladio wasn’t sure what woke him, buthe was certain he was awake before his phone started playing BonJovi.

Without looking,he reached across his bedside table and grabbed it, sliding to answerand pressing it against his ear. “Y/N,” he grumbled. “are youfucking kidding me?”

“Movies24 isshowing Breakfast Club in, like, ten minutes,” you replied, noteven acknowledging his clear irritation. “You can get here thatsoon, right?”

Gladio grunted,running a hand through his hair. Of course he could get there thatsoon, its not like you lived miles away. “Y/N, it is,” he pulledhis phone away from his ear to squint against the harsh light andread the time, “almost 3 AM. Again, are you kidding?” He knew youweren’t. This was far from the first time you’d called him atsome ridiculous hour asking him to come over for a random reason.

On the other endof the line, you scoffed. “We nevermiss Breakfast Club, Gladiolus. It’s our thing!”

“Don’t you have the Blu Ray?”

“Notthe point!” you saidthrough a mouthful of what Gladio assumed was popcorn,“It’s playing onTV, are you gonna come watchit with me or not?”

It was pointless arguing with you, and Gladio knew that. Which iswhy, twelve minutes later, he was letting himself into your apartmentwith his key, a convenience store bag hanging off his wrist.

He found you in your room, sat up against your headboard, bed mostlycovered in snacks. The television in your bedroom was tuned toMovies24, the opening monologue of Breakfast Club already starting toplay. You had your hair tied up in a loose bun on the top of yourhead, wearing some lounge shorts and a ratty old hoodie that Gladiowas certain used to be his.

“You’re late, asshole,” was the first thing you said as yourbest friend entered your room.

Gladio shook the bag off his wrist and emptied it onto the bed. Twobags of sweet popcorn and multiple bars of chocolate fell on top ofyour snack pile. “Yeah, but I thought my contribution to your sugarfix would grant me pardon.” He moved some empty crisp packets andchocolate wrappers out of his way, before settling himselfcomfortably beside you on the bed.

You felt his eyes on you as you sifted through his additions to yoursugary feast. “What?” you grumbled.

“You’ve got caramel on your chin.”

Gladio had been one of your closest friends for… Gods only knew howlong. You still had very fond memories of the time you ‘defeatedthe point of prom’ by going together instead of getting dates.You’d lost count of the amount of time he’s pretended to be yourboyfriend so some creep would leave you alone, and although you oftenjoked about how he was literally the worst person you know, youhonestly weren’t sure what you’d do without him.

People frequently mistook you for a couple, and your mother wasreally starting to annoy you, always asking when you weregoing to ‘make it official.’ She seemed to think you hadone of those ridiculous sit-com deals where if you weren’t bothmarried by the time you were thirty, you’d just marry each other.

Which is what lead to the conversation you were currently having.

“It’s just a generally bad idea.” You were lounging, upsidedown on Gladio’s couch, flicking through the channels and snackingon a Nutrigrain bar. You’d usually only eat the strawberry ones,but Gladio only had the apple ones, and they were kind of rank, butyou’d opened it now so you were gonna finish it.

“How so?” asked Gladio. You weren’t convinced he was reallypaying attention to you, he had his nose buried in a new book, whichis how you had free rein over his television.

You shrugged, knowing the action was useless since he obviouslywasn’t looking at you. “Well, think about it,” you tossed theremote onto the coffee table. “If we got married just because wewere both single when we hit thirty and then I met my ideal guy a fewmonths later, don’t you think I’d just end up resenting you?”You’d given this scenario a great deal of thought after watching anold romcom that was playing on late night TV.

Gladio hummed. “We’d just get a divorce, right?”

“But then you’d resent me for leaving you.”

Marking his page, Gladio put down the book, turning towards you.“Will you sit properly?” he grumbled when he came face to, well,knee with you. “And anyway, I think if that happened, I’d just behappy that you were happy.”

You threw your legs over his lap, pulling your upper body to restagainst the arm of the couch. “Quit being cute,” you snorted,stretching your arms above your head, “it doesn’t suit you.”

Gladio shoved your legs off his. “Why’re you talking about thisanyway? Did something happen with Adrian?” he asked.

Ah, Adrian. Your ex-boyfriend, as of about two hours ago.

“You could say that,” you muttered. What had happened, was youhad found out you were actually one of three women Adrian was in a‘serious and committed’ relationship with. You decided tokeep that part to yourself (Though, you had notified his othergirlfriends). “He’d never seen The Wall, and when I tried showinghim, he just kept talking over it, y’know? And I’m just thinking,‘do I really wanna spend the rest of my life with some dick whothinks he’s more important than Pink Floyd?’”

With a loud guffaw, Gladio petted your head. “Good to see you gotyour priorities in order.”

You chuckled along, running a hand through your hair as you moved tosit against the back of the couch. “What about you, anyway? How’dit go with that girl? I never asked,” you said, quickly turning theconversation away from Adrian.

“You mean Lucille?” Gladio groaned tipping his head back. “Neveragain.” He brought a hand up to his face and covered his eyes, asif the thought of his recent date was giving him a headache.

You felt a little ashamed of the fact that you were glad to hearthat. “How come? She was pretty.” And she was. She had an almostmovie-star beauty, but you could tell she was painfully shallow bythe way she looked down her nose at you when you met.

Gladio hummed, shrugging one shoulder. “Yeah, she was kindapretty,” he said in a disinterested tone, “but she was soshady. She was talking shit all night. And besides,” he threw andarm around your shoulders, “no one calls my Y/N a messy slobexcept me.”

“She didn’t!”

“She did.”

Okay, maybe you weren’t exactly looking your best when you’d metLucille, but really? Maybe if she’d been up all night playing videogames, she’d look like shit, too! You huffed, scrunching your nose.“Is that bitch looking to lose her teeth?” you growled.

Gladio laughed, rubbing your upper arm. “Sounds like it to me.”

Pouting, you rested your head against Gladio’s arm as he rested hishead on yours, both of you watching the soap opera playing on the TV,but not really paying attention to it. His hand moved from yourshoulder to idly twirl the ends of your hair between his fingers, thealmost subconscious act of affection bringing a smile to your face.You’d thought it before, after almost every break up you’d evergone through, but you didn’t need a boyfriend. Not when you hadGladio.

Come to think of it, he was the reason for most of your break ups.Silly boys who couldn’t handle how affectionate you were with yourbest friend. You wondered if they’d have the same problem if yourbest friend had been female.

Then you wondered how many of Gladio’s break ups had been becauseof his jealous girlfriends not liking your closeness. Was it yourfault Gladio was still single?

Gladio let out a deep sigh, wrapping his free arm around you. “Maybewe should date,” he mused.

You snorted a chuckle. “Stop playing and make me some tea.” Youpushed his arm from your middle and wriggled free. You moved yourselfup onto the arm of the couch, shaking your head at his daft comment.It was far too late in the game to catch feelings.

Or acknowledge them.

It seemed Gladio couldn’t figure out quite where to look. At you?At the floor? He leaned forward, clasping his hands together betweenhis knees. “No,” his tone was sincere. “I mean it.”

You sighed, choosing to flippantly inspect your nails rather thanfacing this with any seriousness. “Honey, no. I’m a nightmaregirlfriend, you have no idea what you’d be putting up with,”you replied.

“Are you fucking serious?”

You tensed. You’d always hated when Gladio used that tone, but thiswas the first time it was ever directed at you. And that was so muchworse.

He grabbed you by the shoulders, a little rougher than what would becomfortable, and forced you to meet his gaze. He was upset. Not angryand not entirely sad either, just upset, almost disappointed. “Youthink I don’t know you?”

Hurt. Youcouldn’t put a name to that emotion before, but when you heard hisvoice, the way it wavered ever so slightly, it finally registered. Hewas hurt.

“Youtell everyone your favourite movie is Breakfast Club, but I know fora fact it’s The Little Mermaid.” Gladio’s grip on yourshoulders tightened as he spoke. “Red wine makes you wretch, butyou still drink it around your friends because you don’t want to bethe only one drinking Rosé. You’ve been playing Ocarina of Timefor fourteen years and I stillhave to playthe Shadow Temple for youbecause you can’t get passed it onyour own. You have adifferent scented candle in every room in your apartment, and I canname most of them. You drink apple & elderflower tea when youread and honey & camomile when you’re going to bed. Speaking ofwhich, you can’t sleep unless all the doors and curtains in yourapartment are closed.” He sighed, resting his forehead againstyours as he ended his infodump. “We grew up together, Y/N. You’vebeen my best friend since we were five years old. Don’t you daretry telling me I don’t know you!”

Ofcourse he knew you. You knew that. And now, you also knew that hewasn’t going to drop this because of you listing off your badhabits. He’d had years of dealing with you, he knew what he wasgetting into.

Withanother sigh breaking the stretch of silence, Gladio let yourshoulders go. “I guess I’m just… trying to tell you that I loveyou,” he said, softly. “I get it if you don’t feel the sameway. Just say so.”

Butyou did. You had to wonder why you were trying to discourage him. Youwere scared, honestly. Your friendship with Gladio was more preciousto you than anything, and you didn’t want to jeopardise that.

“Youknow I love you,” you replied. “But you’re my best friend, andif we cross this line we can’t go back. It’ll never be like it isnow.”

Ofcourse, you realised, you could never go back anyway. After you’veboth confessed to having feelings for each other, it was always goingto be awkward. Maybe, with time, it would fade and you’d only feelthe occasional twinge of awkwardness, but things would never be thesame.

Youmoved back onto the couch’s seat, once again resting your headagainst Gladio’s arm. “It would be so worth it if we couldmake this work,” you whispered.

“Wecan,”Gladio insisted, wrapping his arms around you. “I can’t promisethat we’re gonna spend the rest of or lives together, but I canpromise that I’m gonna be here for as long as you want me.” Hemoved one hand under your backside and pulled you into his lap, anintimate position that you were semi-familiar with. With one handfinding it’s way into your hair and the other moving from yourbottom to the small of your back, Gladio eased you forwards, holdingyou against his chest ashe gently kissed your forehead. “Youcan’t be in your head about this, Y/N. You see it as you want tosee it, in the simplest terms and most convenient definitions.”

Youlaughed. You couldn’t help it, the laughter bubbling in your throatas you pushed yourself away. “You can’t misquote Breakfast Cluband expect me to date you, asshole,” you said through your giggles.

Gladiopressed your foreheads together with a chuckle of his own. “Not amisquote, just bent it to suit the situation.” Hewrapped his arms around your waist. “I really do love you, Y/N.”

Yousmiled. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to give this a try. “I loveyou, too,” you whispered, before leaning in and pressing your lipsto Gladio’s. “We can make this work.”

[batterymonster2021]

"A Christmassy Ted" | Christmas Special | Father Ted | Dead Parrot

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/a-christmassy-ted-christmas-special-father-ted-dead-parrot/

"A Christmassy Ted" | Christmas Special | Father Ted | Dead Parrot

i have been doing various thinking just lately in well I I just don’t consider i’m reduce out for the priesthood I feel it’s time you and that i faced data you need us as priests within the country if now not the best safe haven sub percentage what i’m talking about don’t you yeah yeah I feel I do i’ll be off then come here here would you love a peanut peanut you stroll me down for me a peanut god do go oh sorry stated go to mattress you competent right here we go one two three whats up Dejan Oh the airhead oh wait no what good again yeah wait we get this sort of soft again again go on back Duggal just take a seat down Oh Ted can i open an extra window and the advent calendar first all right then however don’t forget you’re simply allowed to open state-of-the-art window Oh Shepherd first rate stuff oh god Ted are not able to open the other two no Dugan Ted I cannot wait to find out what’s behind the next day to come’s one I guess it can be a donkey or whatever all right so you might have transformed out of your preliminary prediction workplaces once more rude howl it can be sitting on a shared wasn’t God Almighty do go where do you get these things scorching i might say it is most commonly only a lovely angel what would you say is at the back of you Marvin to father Jack well who knows sure lady’s neck oh yes Father sure message understood God Almighty Dougal depart the calendar except the next day to come one other 12 months long gone it is rough to consider isn’t it I imply what’s all of it about Dugan good it doesn’t fairly have a story Ted you realize it’s just about football and stuff no dougela I imply existence you understand your slave away attending to the needs of your parishioners and what do you get a one-method ticket to Palookaville you realize I regarded in the reflect this morning and i noticed a center-aged grey-haired man staring again at me who used to be that me do woman oh yes of path it can be simply that I bought a Christmas card the day prior to this from father Jeff laughing he’s in Montana he makes $50,000 a yr and 2000 and pointers awesome how does he control that I do not know a lap dancing or some thing after which there’s father buzz Dolan in Canada he’s his own exhibit on cable and i hear he is landed a big phase in the new Bond movie all started for him when he received that golden cleric award let’s be nice to be famous have you learnt what i would love about being noted humans hearken to you they take heed to what you ought to say and i’ve quite a bit to assert what about when you’re doing all of your sermons Ted people take heed to you then do not they i know dude I mean folks I recognize you see you simply talked correct across me there even you do not take heed to me that’s no longer reasonable well I do are you watching forward to Christmas i’m indeed mrs.Doyle a quality quiet Christmas that is what I want a first-rate quiet Christmas without a distinguished incidents or unusual humans turning up that would go well with me all the way down to the ground a excellent quiet ordinary day-to-day Christmas oh there is the door i’m sorry is this mrs. Reilly’s residence no ed that is it simply down the road oh thanks very so much who used to be that Ted simply anybody we’re looking for Riley’s apartment she had a baby together with her for a moment I idea somebody had simply left it on our doorstep cut Ted could you imagine what would have happened if she’d left it with us yes we’ve been watching after and the whole thing and coming into all kinds of hilarious jams the entire thing would have been very very funny good it wouldn’t have been that humorous Ted definitely no and the drinks just come out here now you might have already punched on your resolution from milk and sugar so all the work is taken out of it even the state-of-the-art woman a lot of time for scheming sympathy glitch and might access coffee hot chocolate or Horlicks sure tea grasp rather takes the misery out of making tea well what do you believe probably I just like the misery for mrs.Doyle good suggestion Ted perfume is the ideal woman reward isn’t it yes that is why God invented fragrance so you do not must put any notion into whatsoever I used to stay Jack in the end oh they’ve obtained this exceptional pressed head where that you may put persons who do not wish to go looking they are able to simply stay there and have a laugh now we have on no account heard of that but there other men and women there are lots of individuals dead you can be quality perfume you suppose you’d be capable to scent it very precisely how we all know good we’re within the Hindi striking around close females secret matters it can be justice appear this manner oh no extra Underpants I imply I failed to want so many forms of Underpants huh I imply what did the parade around of them watching in mirrors always we received a little lost in the retailer that is why we’re right here gonna bit lost right here I feel that’s why you are here as good misplaced yes correct yeah that is it that is it examples you understand how over here it is ireland’s greatest Landry section I realize yeah I read that someplace the excellent strategies for us to get out of right here as rapidly as viable you understand for clergymen hanging around the freely section sure I see what you imply yeah let’s try this approach we’ve been here I recall these brows from the primary time round they all look the same to me no no these ones have double padding and the black clay sometimes lonely factor to reduce the physical games and additional-force straps for those who cross by way of a bra with a center artwork support and single pilot and the flight lace define then I think we’re on the correct track any individual’s coming to see you good not in view we have been watching for the toilet so we desired in right here with the aid of mistake it can be large it can be Ryan’s largest lingerie section I comprehend like this is the drawback we have eight clergymen striking around the lingerie part with one or two of us that’ll be embarrassing but rate we’re speaking countrywide scandal Oh the heels seem the equal proper very first thing don’t panic we’re in this factor let’s try to get out of it ok Billy i need you on factor for the clearly father D can you are taking up the again let’s go and hold it quiet I harm any individual maybe i’m just going loopy laundry section so long i do not think this sauce you are taking a rest image for the correct you go on factor however assume this kind of factor of the priest handiest two weeks in the past a good phase is to send me off to a couple bloody cat oh isn’t it i am gonna make you a promise at some point you and that i we’re gonna be in that new parish of yours sipping iced tea on the garden it can be somewhat bit only a memory can you hold onto that idea okay can you do that for me as good it is my silly fault for messing with the brass go ahead slowly sluggish you down pay attention we’re a team stick together there’s the exit thank God God appear in any respect those persons they most likely see us coming out perhaps for those who honestly purchase some Underpants then it would not seem so unusual they’re ladies’s Underpants awareness who’s received the most boring voice wash off the fanatics who’s bought probably the most boring voice this set were you inquiring for a dramatic pleasing voice no Newton said of boring he wanted an boring voice if so you have to excuse me for my impetuous interruption listen this is what we’re going to do what is going on on I think Ted has a plan no I mean customarily anyway after the laundry section females and gentlemen would you please convey your purchases to the checker because the steward selected clothes what’s mistaken Google took three lads pointing at a stare at head disappointing hi I’ve bought to do with Christmas oh honey how there is nothing within the Catholic scandal supplement in regards to the lingerie episode I suppose we bought away with it hi there Craig Holland parochial condo father Ted Crilley talking k Tom McCaskill right here hi there Tom how are you and the place are you you left a brand new north and hurry i’m in room oh when are you coming again when matters have died down a bit of I might have to head off to South the us for a while you realize she’s going to make a bloody fuck about it ah no that is now not fair catch up with you about that Lourdes factor looking a wee bit dodgy thus I washed it simply let me stop you right like proper there tom that money was once simply resting in my account anyway Ted we owe you a large favor forgetting the lad Joseph’s trouble the other day we’d like you to have a golden cleric the golden cleric you are no longer critical i am lethal serious Oh God i don’t think helpful when I consider of all of the other monks who bonnet you deserve it you managed to have but an extraordinarily intricate main issue and restrict one other rip-off when the church father bully in the relaxation of the lads will drop the award over to you the next day to come oh and is the reps are about this register em is there any sort of cash prize with – i’m afraid no longer tag but somewhat strapped for money here on the second anyway see you quickly doodle high-quality information you’re getting married natural is that a shaggy dog story yeah no i’m being given a golden clerical battle definitely excellent it is not everyday you went into Wars who’re no father you cannot have an award why not award a colossal yes there you’re exceptional balls all snapshot doodles take a photo Oh Ted can i keep up the next day night time to watch the scary movie oh no no no no the final time you watched a horrifying movie you needed to sleep in my mattress i would not mind but wasn’t even that horrifying film come on no Ted a Volkswagen with a intellect of its possess long past mad if that’s now not frightening I do not know what’s don’t it’s a children’s film if you can’t handle that how on this planet are you gonna be equipped to take a movie a couple of burglar who runs into individuals’s houses and kills every body is that is that what this one’s about sure if you want to make reward your possess age this movie the modern gossip or comfortably have a little bit of fun oh please chat back and speak to veggies you want to know right I got the presentation case for my award our exceptional ed notable I think i will put it right here over the creaky floorboard any robbers got here in and tried to rob my award will hear them only a few cheerful to get this award you realize it let me not be probably the most high monks in the nation once I get my award all proper zero saying there i’m probably the most high purpose within the country did you hear that I stated there only a second in the past I did yeah well it’s now not earlier than time father I constantly thought you have been one of the vital fine clergymen within the nation thanks very so much mrs.Doyle one of the pleasant or might be the first-rate just right one mrs. Doyle truthfully would you say i am the great priest in the nation at the second you don’t pass over new nation just say so I actually is not going to intellect i would say you perhaps the 2d first-class no it can be all right i’m now not the best priest in the country i’m honey the second quality there may be a person higher than me it seems that father I was once simply pondering of those clergymen working very poor areas oh yes of course those lads father Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the likes is a Protestant man all proper oh first-rate so Protestant is healthier than me proceed this i’m now not the satisfactory i am simply 2d fine it sounds as if the golden cleric is a runner-up prize good i’m so sorry definitely i’m simply an idiot without doubt I can’t even say Mass safely father don’t take it back that is what you said you said i’m no longer the quality peaceable in the nation that is high-quality just want to be aware of where I stand obviously now i am gonna have to jack it in priesthood i will write a letter to Bishop Brendan asked me for early retirement and perhaps after I go you can ask the other priest father Peter perfect the ultimate priest to return right here and you can work for him in view that he is definitely this type of satisfactory priest welcome to priest chat bank if you’re underneath 18 or now not a priest please hang up now you desire to communicate in regards to the Pope’s visit to Mexico say sure now if you wish to speak about being vaguely sad however not being in a position to determine precisely why say yes no wait yes yes whats up hi there no is that being vaguely sad but not being competent to determine precisely why no that is learn how to damage the information of a dying we were simply speakme about techniques I say it’s nice to just get it over with rapidly your husband’s lifeless and he is now not coming back get used to it yes but mostly a number of little hints support like keep in mind how your husband used to like a excellent snort my drawback is that I should be on top of the world due to the fact i’ve been given an award however the truth of the subject is that i know this can be a priest only line you know why Wow there while you were out on your stroll we had a cell call I consider you had been imagined to do a funeral today fully forgot about it can be all correct father McGuire mentioned he three it can be little need i am just so thinking about Christmas I can’t sleep do you under no circumstances get to sleep like that i am simply writing my speech for the following day god it’s extremely good up to now what do you set in speeches you told me thank every person would not you no now not on this case Dougal you see I bought this battle to my own initiative and rough graft so there may be nobody else to thank him except myself that is a excellent concept i’ll thank myself Wow is that the speech no he is just the notes fairly see right here for instance this can be a list of individuals who’ve really fucked me over down the years father Jimmy Fennell he particularly wishes taking down a peg or two and father PJ coward oh wait a minute he is on the incorrect list he will have to be beneath Liars as a substitute than twats final I obtained a risk to shine to face out to be well-known I respect it no dude I imply awareness of my my advantage of my achievements all right and what achievements of those hope Larry Duff’s coming capture my massive moment I shall supply him a name hope he makes it Larry’s tremendous phony frustrated he loves award ceremonies oh wait no he’s on holidays well i’ll disturb them anyway i am gonna try and get to sleep an extra time that’s little need Dooley she’s an effective way to fall asleep simply excellent empty your head of all pots i’ll provide it a go but I quite don’t amazing quite a lot of persons within the steady Ted it’s the one factor I did not count on do be taught to and open your grants I fully forgot about the grants first the calendar no offers I obtained any better than this you know I was racking my brains looking to feel what would mrs.Doyle particularly love for Christmas and then I idea you understand something to take the distress of creating tea mrs. Doyle the times of housekeepers making tea are over we can not reside in the dark ages you might have made your last cup of tea in this residence if i know individuals the way in which I consider I do she quite loves that present how were you aware i do know do not think I had observed these little recommendations he left mendacity around the place reward present reward gift reward gift rack off who would that be sermon is just not till – I’ve overlooked the ceremony hover no no in no way yeah have not transformed slightly yeah rascal and also you look at you you haven’t transformed either what well what about the hair all right from the hair it’s a it can be a it’s one other form color colour colour of course it it was purple brown blonde hey there hi there there are you back I suppose you instructed me all about it no why did you stick the ancient title and deal with in the the e-book you understand specifically the name very fundamental that you simply write the identify very very naturally i might love to inform however I can not fairly write you see one time last yr I used to be rollin with scissors and it fell and the close of the controls handwriting used to be totally severed father are you now not going to introduce me to the brand new father all correct fee of path really i’ll inform you what see if that you can bet Godfather certain it might be some thing nonetheless dog provide us a try father Andy Riley no father Desmond coin father George burn for the David Nicholson father chook ditch i will provide you with a clue ken Sweeney for their Neil Hannon father Keith : for the Ciaran Donnelly but their Mick McAvoy for the Jack White there Henry huge begging them for his or her Hank tree father Hiroshima Twinkie property bubble braveness so johnny has a poppin father Luke Duke but they are Billy funny father chewy Louie Papa John hoop fucker Harry Keitt Lynam additional nebula conundrum so the PB Stairmaster lifeless lips father Jemima rock Julie father Jerry twig father Sporto komodo for the Tuttle chest yes is that quite did she get ah come on Ted you knew already sure sure of path I used to be just amazed that she received it in Wow well underneath an hour good carried out mrs.Doyle so todd todd todd todd todd they are now Todd good old Todd how you get down there Todd how are you constant for a cup of tea Todd i would you prepare a hot toddy Todd do you want Todd whatever at all todd todd what time is the ceremony Ted good Todd it’s now not quite a ceremony i am sure to be just a very simple simple affair yes grandchildren about me i will be looking sir also is not going to be ok so Oh look dad what you love he knows salivate for them inform you i’m going to alternate the dominant stick palace however sorry i am sorry what’s the title Shan Shan sorry i do not ought to get into it but it just we want you there on the day you recognize a 2d or two and i’m day that is here any individual geared up round right here don’t talk to me you do not speak that place over there who loves when the rhythm kicks in and the track reveals itself through the counter rhythm which is there know what you equipped ok i do know first harder tell me what you see this hi who’s Ted and who’s Duggal hi there i’m Ted and that’s doogal there i’m doback he’s lifeless he’s over his dead father why does he want you via the stage he he need to be me dick man howdy i’m clearly a Shinto the golden cleric thanks very so much Ted have you ever idea about doing any tv work had crossed my intellect miss jeren agent no i’ll inform you what I supply this ad call still wonders for me well then right thank thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks good afternoon and welcome to the fifth annual presentation of the golden cleric each 12 months the Catholic Church offers an award to a priest for superb fulfillment this year’s winner is any one who’s overcome controversy in the past when rumors of monetary irregularities no no no however following a radical investigation no formal expenses had been ever made again so he was once simply resting in my account authorities have been burdened by what they saw as weird irregularities in his bills however he’s overcome all these personal setbacks oh come this year’s golden cleric ladies and gentlemen I give you father Ted Grilli who does not discontinue i’m on it rather of sticking with scores in public well well good good hi-yah I see some familiar faces here in these days some welcome some now not so welcome looks as if I’ve had the last chortle and quite a lot of men and women who particularly did not believe I had it in me to grow to be a tremendous priest good what I say to these persons is seem at me now but finally I obtained out of his headlock and now the place are you father a person hunter or give you some pygmies within the South Seas and where am i right here accepting a golden cleric award for being a prime priest he suggestion it will be a high-quality idea fine enjoyable to pour water on this young beginners mattress but of direction 30 years later the smile has been very a lot swiped a father Barry Kiernan’s face and now we transfer on to Liars follower Peter Sorensen farther Desmond Cairns recollect him well performed first-rate speech Ted it went good failed to it inform me you as wandering around in there for three hours sure it is eire’s largest land resection I realise all right oh no mr.Doyle that you could put that away and calm down sir we’re gonna check out the tea grasp how does it work Ted what am i able to not simply put the milk in no you see what you do is solely depart the cup there slide them this kind of cartridges here when the teachers comes in the market clutch so that’s superb yes well be aware of that I’ve gained an award i will be able to infrequently be seen consuming tea that is just been made in a pot the inspiration it just appears too good to be true watch the trap i’m sorry father your voice is just so boring i could not pay attention well do you have an incredibly boring voice I was just saying what’s the seize sorry failed to get it there both I imply excited about the tea master factor there need to be some kind of a catch oh oh there is no seize no watch this see perfect father there is any person there there may be virtually any individual like their father what do woman placed on that song good on the song that makes father Jack rise up what sorry about that Jack likes Assad to face up and up in the track comes up identical-identical it is only a bit fun yes good we we style of concept father Jack was once jumping by means of that window a little bit too traditionally that is why we put within the plexiglass anyway my speech what did you believe of us we all have a seem on the Christmas film yeah and now a distinctive elevated Latin Mass from san martin’s cathedral in dublin oh quality mass god I just remembered I supposed to be doing some thing terribly fundamental and the object I used to be imagined to be doing I simply remembered I’ve bought a mobilephone this fella on dying row that I befriended recently considering the fact that it is been finished the following day for mass homicide so i’d say he is pretty low on the second God Almighty did you do it oh you already know yes no sure do you want any support talking to him in view that he would get hysterical and crying and that i would say pull yourself together man all proper there may be been a colossal accident so I must go to I’ve received a cellphone name there the place you have been all someplace else proper so we’re not off saw father anxious you are coming too I might get you lift ah no house there was once a high-quality mass Alton Cosby is doing us i’m a giant fan of his he gives good mass but he really he really is aware of methods to work the altar appear at that chalice work effortless oh well we would be off so see you soon bye thanks for coming to the award ceremony where I acquired my award now on BBC one the director’s reduce of Jurassic Park with additional dinosaurs well that was a super day God was once dead it was a remarkable day incredible enjoyable i’d say it used to be one of the nice Christmas days ever Duggal I was once being sarcastic all proper hi there so used to be i who’s that fellow huh puppies I did not invite him did you yeah no that’s proper I barred you from inviting persons to the house after that tramp stayed for a week wasn’t a tramp Ted that used to be the high Minister of France no dooble he simply lied to you Todd honest i do not keep in mind him in any respect who the hell is he maybe he had a nickname like you recognize Terry Wogan what you imply that’s his actual name anyway don’t fear about it h ere you be gone in the morning seem at you mendacity in there like a enormous agent good right here all of us should not the entire plenty just like within the historical days they consider the entire enjoyable we used to have in the showers do you still do you continue to have the big oil bushy arse fluffy bit of downy fluff ah God memories remember the time you ancient Mitch go to the diner concert i could not go since I was recovering from a colossal automobile accident did he exhibit you the scar there you might be see that gift ship there acquired Jesse’s and that series of tiny little indentations all alongside me inside thigh the run the whole approach as much as me developing see the great food ah Tara’s half prior 1:00 within the morning you go off to sleep I was once just wandering around typically I are not able to sleep and i need a excellent walk to calm myself down you don’t mind do you no no you do that each one right so excellent night time and happy Christmas Ted God Almighty – i’m no longer going out of this room except the following day i do not danger bumping into that weirdo bina snootiness you see them turn off the light before you come up need you and please do not watch why Mackenzie panic it’s a damaging however my god the very fact I think it is dependable to say the burglar is without doubt within the street of nightmares Duggal I thoroughly instructed you not to watch that movie Ted no I wasn’t gazing a Ted I simply got here down to carry the milk round hello your holiness president Robinson well accomplished on the whole thing mr.De Niro good good I loved you in Godfather too he won’t be doing any more burglaries the place he is going Oh where’s that well let jail sure of course sorry however sergeant tell me how do you know a lot about me i’m enthusiastic about that myself anxious if that’s your actual title I already informed you it wasn’t how were you aware so much about father Crilley is that this off the record of path good I wasn’t selridge a few days ago bought speaking to this historical priest in a bar he used to be a bit cagey at first but a number of pictures of JD and he was singing like a chicken the golden cleric they name it giving it to an ancient friend of mine Ted Crilley met him on dolly mound strand as a listening a plan fashioned in my head we drank long into the night time me pay in a path him spilling his guts on a subjective maintaining an additional tanta cruelly you bought a mane a white hair kinda like it get on a mule wet the mattress ascend columns enormous bushy sure the longer he talked the better at gut and historic-timer named Jack Hackett and a poor strange idiot boy after that every one I needed was the proper costume priest I mean ye yeah that’s an extended story i was such as you a completely normal bathroom average run-of-the-mill cleric then I gained first prize in the country west meet priest to the ear competition the guess it went to my head after that I began hitting the altar wine too hard going convenient on persons in confession getting backhanders for doing quicker plenty all I wanted was once trophies and prizes however the person who rather bought me rough was once the golden cleric no no no today what I was once going to ask you as you’re a priest I imply why did you are taking the opposite monks garments i do not understand it used to be just going our method good I’ve got dangerous news for you so referred to as Tong juice that wasn’t off the record i’m making use of that as evidence in opposition to you ah that’s completely unfair take them away thanks sergeant they’ll be lucrative this father you both will have to be very pleased with yourselves now not one of these bad day in any case i’d say it is a useful one thing you will have pricey mrs.Doyle huh modern science it’s wonderful isn’t it it’s certainly and thanks once more father it’s the fine Christmas reward ever what about the tea laptop oh sure i’m going to go on crank it up correct now no i don’t just like the sound of that in any respect i’m sorry mrs. Doyle we’re simply gonna must get it constant oh no father don’t please what father i really like the whole tea making thing you know the playful splash of the tea is it hits the backside of the copper path of including the milk and gazing it accept a second before it filters slowly down via the cup altering the colour from dark brown to a lighter brown perching an not obligatory jaffa cake on the saucer like a proud soldier standing to awareness beside a big cup of tea oh just think father take into account the entire best instances we had when I used to make the tea tea mom you’re right mrs. Doyle you already know T out of computing device is like milk out of a baby’s bottle the baby does not need yet another bottle he desires it out of his mom’s make us each a nice natural cup of tea proper your father and do not you fear it’s going to be extremely good exquisite bloody hell have you learnt Dougal priesthood it’s no longer about awards and glamour it can be about difficult graft and attending to the religious needs of your parishioners you recognize that Tunxis fella that might had been me really that explains lots Google i don’t consider he picked up on what I intended there I would were a nasty priest you recognize i am gonna be lazy conceited now not giving a damn about the desires of my parishioners Ted it is mrs.Kill Cody she needs you to do a kind of remembrance plenty i’m nothing you already know doodle i’m sorry about my contemporary silliness you recognize you deserve this award as a lot as me rather thanks Ted that’s quality thanks very so much simply go away it oh you bet higher I consider yeah and my name on the plaque we will not trouble changing that each one right I i do know the awards mine and that’s good sufficient for me yeah there isn’t a gonna have a bat you understand help me calm down after the day k what are you doing simply having somewhat of fun .

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"A Christmassy Ted" | Christmas Special | Father Ted | Dead Parrot

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"A Christmassy Ted" | Christmas Special | Father Ted | Dead Parrot

i have been doing various thinking just lately in well I I just don’t consider i’m reduce out for the priesthood I feel it’s time you and that i faced data you need us as priests within the country if now not the best safe haven sub percentage what i’m talking about don’t you yeah yeah I feel I do i’ll be off then come here here would you love a peanut peanut you stroll me down for me a peanut god do go oh sorry stated go to mattress you competent right here we go one two three whats up Dejan Oh the airhead oh wait no what good again yeah wait we get this sort of soft again again go on back Duggal just take a seat down Oh Ted can i open an extra window and the advent calendar first all right then however don’t forget you’re simply allowed to open state-of-the-art window Oh Shepherd first rate stuff oh god Ted are not able to open the other two no Dugan Ted I cannot wait to find out what’s behind the next day to come’s one I guess it can be a donkey or whatever all right so you might have transformed out of your preliminary prediction workplaces once more rude howl it can be sitting on a shared wasn’t God Almighty do go where do you get these things scorching i might say it is most commonly only a lovely angel what would you say is at the back of you Marvin to father Jack well who knows sure lady’s neck oh yes Father sure message understood God Almighty Dougal depart the calendar except the next day to come one other 12 months long gone it is rough to consider isn’t it I imply what’s all of it about Dugan good it doesn’t fairly have a story Ted you realize it’s just about football and stuff no dougela I imply existence you understand your slave away attending to the needs of your parishioners and what do you get a one-method ticket to Palookaville you realize I regarded in the reflect this morning and i noticed a center-aged grey-haired man staring again at me who used to be that me do woman oh yes of path it can be simply that I bought a Christmas card the day prior to this from father Jeff laughing he’s in Montana he makes $50,000 a yr and 2000 and pointers awesome how does he control that I do not know a lap dancing or some thing after which there’s father buzz Dolan in Canada he’s his own exhibit on cable and i hear he is landed a big phase in the new Bond movie all started for him when he received that golden cleric award let’s be nice to be famous have you learnt what i would love about being noted humans hearken to you they take heed to what you ought to say and i’ve quite a bit to assert what about when you’re doing all of your sermons Ted people take heed to you then do not they i know dude I mean folks I recognize you see you simply talked correct across me there even you do not take heed to me that’s no longer reasonable well I do are you watching forward to Christmas i’m indeed mrs.Doyle a quality quiet Christmas that is what I want a first-rate quiet Christmas without a distinguished incidents or unusual humans turning up that would go well with me all the way down to the ground a excellent quiet ordinary day-to-day Christmas oh there is the door i’m sorry is this mrs. Reilly’s residence no ed that is it simply down the road oh thanks very so much who used to be that Ted simply anybody we’re looking for Riley’s apartment she had a baby together with her for a moment I idea somebody had simply left it on our doorstep cut Ted could you imagine what would have happened if she’d left it with us yes we’ve been watching after and the whole thing and coming into all kinds of hilarious jams the entire thing would have been very very funny good it wouldn’t have been that humorous Ted definitely no and the drinks just come out here now you might have already punched on your resolution from milk and sugar so all the work is taken out of it even the state-of-the-art woman a lot of time for scheming sympathy glitch and might access coffee hot chocolate or Horlicks sure tea grasp rather takes the misery out of making tea well what do you believe probably I just like the misery for mrs.Doyle good suggestion Ted perfume is the ideal woman reward isn’t it yes that is why God invented fragrance so you do not must put any notion into whatsoever I used to stay Jack in the end oh they’ve obtained this exceptional pressed head where that you may put persons who do not wish to go looking they are able to simply stay there and have a laugh now we have on no account heard of that but there other men and women there are lots of individuals dead you can be quality perfume you suppose you’d be capable to scent it very precisely how we all know good we’re within the Hindi striking around close females secret matters it can be justice appear this manner oh no extra Underpants I imply I failed to want so many forms of Underpants huh I imply what did the parade around of them watching in mirrors always we received a little lost in the retailer that is why we’re right here gonna bit lost right here I feel that’s why you are here as good misplaced yes correct yeah that is it that is it examples you understand how over here it is ireland’s greatest Landry section I realize yeah I read that someplace the excellent strategies for us to get out of right here as rapidly as viable you understand for clergymen hanging around the freely section sure I see what you imply yeah let’s try this approach we’ve been here I recall these brows from the primary time round they all look the same to me no no these ones have double padding and the black clay sometimes lonely factor to reduce the physical games and additional-force straps for those who cross by way of a bra with a center artwork support and single pilot and the flight lace define then I think we’re on the correct track any individual’s coming to see you good not in view we have been watching for the toilet so we desired in right here with the aid of mistake it can be large it can be Ryan’s largest lingerie section I comprehend like this is the drawback we have eight clergymen striking around the lingerie part with one or two of us that’ll be embarrassing but rate we’re speaking countrywide scandal Oh the heels seem the equal proper very first thing don’t panic we’re in this factor let’s try to get out of it ok Billy i need you on factor for the clearly father D can you are taking up the again let’s go and hold it quiet I harm any individual maybe i’m just going loopy laundry section so long i do not think this sauce you are taking a rest image for the correct you go on factor however assume this kind of factor of the priest handiest two weeks in the past a good phase is to send me off to a couple bloody cat oh isn’t it i am gonna make you a promise at some point you and that i we’re gonna be in that new parish of yours sipping iced tea on the garden it can be somewhat bit only a memory can you hold onto that idea okay can you do that for me as good it is my silly fault for messing with the brass go ahead slowly sluggish you down pay attention we’re a team stick together there’s the exit thank God God appear in any respect those persons they most likely see us coming out perhaps for those who honestly purchase some Underpants then it would not seem so unusual they’re ladies’s Underpants awareness who’s received the most boring voice wash off the fanatics who’s bought probably the most boring voice this set were you inquiring for a dramatic pleasing voice no Newton said of boring he wanted an boring voice if so you have to excuse me for my impetuous interruption listen this is what we’re going to do what is going on on I think Ted has a plan no I mean customarily anyway after the laundry section females and gentlemen would you please convey your purchases to the checker because the steward selected clothes what’s mistaken Google took three lads pointing at a stare at head disappointing hi I’ve bought to do with Christmas oh honey how there is nothing within the Catholic scandal supplement in regards to the lingerie episode I suppose we bought away with it hi there Craig Holland parochial condo father Ted Crilley talking k Tom McCaskill right here hi there Tom how are you and the place are you you left a brand new north and hurry i’m in room oh when are you coming again when matters have died down a bit of I might have to head off to South the us for a while you realize she’s going to make a bloody fuck about it ah no that is now not fair catch up with you about that Lourdes factor looking a wee bit dodgy thus I washed it simply let me stop you right like proper there tom that money was once simply resting in my account anyway Ted we owe you a large favor forgetting the lad Joseph’s trouble the other day we’d like you to have a golden cleric the golden cleric you are no longer critical i am lethal serious Oh God i don’t think helpful when I consider of all of the other monks who bonnet you deserve it you managed to have but an extraordinarily intricate main issue and restrict one other rip-off when the church father bully in the relaxation of the lads will drop the award over to you the next day to come oh and is the reps are about this register em is there any sort of cash prize with – i’m afraid no longer tag but somewhat strapped for money here on the second anyway see you quickly doodle high-quality information you’re getting married natural is that a shaggy dog story yeah no i’m being given a golden clerical battle definitely excellent it is not everyday you went into Wars who’re no father you cannot have an award why not award a colossal yes there you’re exceptional balls all snapshot doodles take a photo Oh Ted can i keep up the next day night time to watch the scary movie oh no no no no the final time you watched a horrifying movie you needed to sleep in my mattress i would not mind but wasn’t even that horrifying film come on no Ted a Volkswagen with a intellect of its possess long past mad if that’s now not frightening I do not know what’s don’t it’s a children’s film if you can’t handle that how on this planet are you gonna be equipped to take a movie a couple of burglar who runs into individuals’s houses and kills every body is that is that what this one’s about sure if you want to make reward your possess age this movie the modern gossip or comfortably have a little bit of fun oh please chat back and speak to veggies you want to know right I got the presentation case for my award our exceptional ed notable I think i will put it right here over the creaky floorboard any robbers got here in and tried to rob my award will hear them only a few cheerful to get this award you realize it let me not be probably the most high monks in the nation once I get my award all proper zero saying there i’m probably the most high purpose within the country did you hear that I stated there only a second in the past I did yeah well it’s now not earlier than time father I constantly thought you have been one of the vital fine clergymen within the nation thanks very so much mrs.Doyle one of the pleasant or might be the first-rate just right one mrs. Doyle truthfully would you say i am the great priest in the nation at the second you don’t pass over new nation just say so I actually is not going to intellect i would say you perhaps the 2d first-class no it can be all right i’m now not the best priest in the country i’m honey the second quality there may be a person higher than me it seems that father I was once simply pondering of those clergymen working very poor areas oh yes of course those lads father Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the likes is a Protestant man all proper oh first-rate so Protestant is healthier than me proceed this i’m now not the satisfactory i am simply 2d fine it sounds as if the golden cleric is a runner-up prize good i’m so sorry definitely i’m simply an idiot without doubt I can’t even say Mass safely father don’t take it back that is what you said you said i’m no longer the quality peaceable in the nation that is high-quality just want to be aware of where I stand obviously now i am gonna have to jack it in priesthood i will write a letter to Bishop Brendan asked me for early retirement and perhaps after I go you can ask the other priest father Peter perfect the ultimate priest to return right here and you can work for him in view that he is definitely this type of satisfactory priest welcome to priest chat bank if you’re underneath 18 or now not a priest please hang up now you desire to communicate in regards to the Pope’s visit to Mexico say sure now if you wish to speak about being vaguely sad however not being in a position to determine precisely why say yes no wait yes yes whats up hi there no is that being vaguely sad but not being competent to determine precisely why no that is learn how to damage the information of a dying we were simply speakme about techniques I say it’s nice to just get it over with rapidly your husband’s lifeless and he is now not coming back get used to it yes but mostly a number of little hints support like keep in mind how your husband used to like a excellent snort my drawback is that I should be on top of the world due to the fact i’ve been given an award however the truth of the subject is that i know this can be a priest only line you know why Wow there while you were out on your stroll we had a cell call I consider you had been imagined to do a funeral today fully forgot about it can be all correct father McGuire mentioned he three it can be little need i am just so thinking about Christmas I can’t sleep do you under no circumstances get to sleep like that i am simply writing my speech for the following day god it’s extremely good up to now what do you set in speeches you told me thank every person would not you no now not on this case Dougal you see I bought this battle to my own initiative and rough graft so there may be nobody else to thank him except myself that is a excellent concept i’ll thank myself Wow is that the speech no he is just the notes fairly see right here for instance this can be a list of individuals who’ve really fucked me over down the years father Jimmy Fennell he particularly wishes taking down a peg or two and father PJ coward oh wait a minute he is on the incorrect list he will have to be beneath Liars as a substitute than twats final I obtained a risk to shine to face out to be well-known I respect it no dude I imply awareness of my my advantage of my achievements all right and what achievements of those hope Larry Duff’s coming capture my massive moment I shall supply him a name hope he makes it Larry’s tremendous phony frustrated he loves award ceremonies oh wait no he’s on holidays well i’ll disturb them anyway i am gonna try and get to sleep an extra time that’s little need Dooley she’s an effective way to fall asleep simply excellent empty your head of all pots i’ll provide it a go but I quite don’t amazing quite a lot of persons within the steady Ted it’s the one factor I did not count on do be taught to and open your grants I fully forgot about the grants first the calendar no offers I obtained any better than this you know I was racking my brains looking to feel what would mrs.Doyle particularly love for Christmas and then I idea you understand something to take the distress of creating tea mrs. Doyle the times of housekeepers making tea are over we can not reside in the dark ages you might have made your last cup of tea in this residence if i know individuals the way in which I consider I do she quite loves that present how were you aware i do know do not think I had observed these little recommendations he left mendacity around the place reward present reward gift reward gift rack off who would that be sermon is just not till – I’ve overlooked the ceremony hover no no in no way yeah have not transformed slightly yeah rascal and also you look at you you haven’t transformed either what well what about the hair all right from the hair it’s a it can be a it’s one other form color colour colour of course it it was purple brown blonde hey there hi there there are you back I suppose you instructed me all about it no why did you stick the ancient title and deal with in the the e-book you understand specifically the name very fundamental that you simply write the identify very very naturally i might love to inform however I can not fairly write you see one time last yr I used to be rollin with scissors and it fell and the close of the controls handwriting used to be totally severed father are you now not going to introduce me to the brand new father all correct fee of path really i’ll inform you what see if that you can bet Godfather certain it might be some thing nonetheless dog provide us a try father Andy Riley no father Desmond coin father George burn for the David Nicholson father chook ditch i will provide you with a clue ken Sweeney for their Neil Hannon father Keith : for the Ciaran Donnelly but their Mick McAvoy for the Jack White there Henry huge begging them for his or her Hank tree father Hiroshima Twinkie property bubble braveness so johnny has a poppin father Luke Duke but they are Billy funny father chewy Louie Papa John hoop fucker Harry Keitt Lynam additional nebula conundrum so the PB Stairmaster lifeless lips father Jemima rock Julie father Jerry twig father Sporto komodo for the Tuttle chest yes is that quite did she get ah come on Ted you knew already sure sure of path I used to be just amazed that she received it in Wow well underneath an hour good carried out mrs.Doyle so todd todd todd todd todd they are now Todd good old Todd how you get down there Todd how are you constant for a cup of tea Todd i would you prepare a hot toddy Todd do you want Todd whatever at all todd todd what time is the ceremony Ted good Todd it’s now not quite a ceremony i am sure to be just a very simple simple affair yes grandchildren about me i will be looking sir also is not going to be ok so Oh look dad what you love he knows salivate for them inform you i’m going to alternate the dominant stick palace however sorry i am sorry what’s the title Shan Shan sorry i do not ought to get into it but it just we want you there on the day you recognize a 2d or two and i’m day that is here any individual geared up round right here don’t talk to me you do not speak that place over there who loves when the rhythm kicks in and the track reveals itself through the counter rhythm which is there know what you equipped ok i do know first harder tell me what you see this hi who’s Ted and who’s Duggal hi there i’m Ted and that’s doogal there i’m doback he’s lifeless he’s over his dead father why does he want you via the stage he he need to be me dick man howdy i’m clearly a Shinto the golden cleric thanks very so much Ted have you ever idea about doing any tv work had crossed my intellect miss jeren agent no i’ll inform you what I supply this ad call still wonders for me well then right thank thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks good afternoon and welcome to the fifth annual presentation of the golden cleric each 12 months the Catholic Church offers an award to a priest for superb fulfillment this year’s winner is any one who’s overcome controversy in the past when rumors of monetary irregularities no no no however following a radical investigation no formal expenses had been ever made again so he was once simply resting in my account authorities have been burdened by what they saw as weird irregularities in his bills however he’s overcome all these personal setbacks oh come this year’s golden cleric ladies and gentlemen I give you father Ted Grilli who does not discontinue i’m on it rather of sticking with scores in public well well good good hi-yah I see some familiar faces here in these days some welcome some now not so welcome looks as if I’ve had the last chortle and quite a lot of men and women who particularly did not believe I had it in me to grow to be a tremendous priest good what I say to these persons is seem at me now but finally I obtained out of his headlock and now the place are you father a person hunter or give you some pygmies within the South Seas and where am i right here accepting a golden cleric award for being a prime priest he suggestion it will be a high-quality idea fine enjoyable to pour water on this young beginners mattress but of direction 30 years later the smile has been very a lot swiped a father Barry Kiernan’s face and now we transfer on to Liars follower Peter Sorensen farther Desmond Cairns recollect him well performed first-rate speech Ted it went good failed to it inform me you as wandering around in there for three hours sure it is eire’s largest land resection I realise all right oh no mr.Doyle that you could put that away and calm down sir we’re gonna check out the tea grasp how does it work Ted what am i able to not simply put the milk in no you see what you do is solely depart the cup there slide them this kind of cartridges here when the teachers comes in the market clutch so that’s superb yes well be aware of that I’ve gained an award i will be able to infrequently be seen consuming tea that is just been made in a pot the inspiration it just appears too good to be true watch the trap i’m sorry father your voice is just so boring i could not pay attention well do you have an incredibly boring voice I was just saying what’s the seize sorry failed to get it there both I imply excited about the tea master factor there need to be some kind of a catch oh oh there is no seize no watch this see perfect father there is any person there there may be virtually any individual like their father what do woman placed on that song good on the song that makes father Jack rise up what sorry about that Jack likes Assad to face up and up in the track comes up identical-identical it is only a bit fun yes good we we style of concept father Jack was once jumping by means of that window a little bit too traditionally that is why we put within the plexiglass anyway my speech what did you believe of us we all have a seem on the Christmas film yeah and now a distinctive elevated Latin Mass from san martin’s cathedral in dublin oh quality mass god I just remembered I supposed to be doing some thing terribly fundamental and the object I used to be imagined to be doing I simply remembered I’ve bought a mobilephone this fella on dying row that I befriended recently considering the fact that it is been finished the following day for mass homicide so i’d say he is pretty low on the second God Almighty did you do it oh you already know yes no sure do you want any support talking to him in view that he would get hysterical and crying and that i would say pull yourself together man all proper there may be been a colossal accident so I must go to I’ve received a cellphone name there the place you have been all someplace else proper so we’re not off saw father anxious you are coming too I might get you lift ah no house there was once a high-quality mass Alton Cosby is doing us i’m a giant fan of his he gives good mass but he really he really is aware of methods to work the altar appear at that chalice work effortless oh well we would be off so see you soon bye thanks for coming to the award ceremony where I acquired my award now on BBC one the director’s reduce of Jurassic Park with additional dinosaurs well that was a super day God was once dead it was a remarkable day incredible enjoyable i’d say it used to be one of the nice Christmas days ever Duggal I was once being sarcastic all proper hi there so used to be i who’s that fellow huh puppies I did not invite him did you yeah no that’s proper I barred you from inviting persons to the house after that tramp stayed for a week wasn’t a tramp Ted that used to be the high Minister of France no dooble he simply lied to you Todd honest i do not keep in mind him in any respect who the hell is he maybe he had a nickname like you recognize Terry Wogan what you imply that’s his actual name anyway don’t fear about it h ere you be gone in the morning seem at you mendacity in there like a enormous agent good right here all of us should not the entire plenty just like within the historical days they consider the entire enjoyable we used to have in the showers do you still do you continue to have the big oil bushy arse fluffy bit of downy fluff ah God memories remember the time you ancient Mitch go to the diner concert i could not go since I was recovering from a colossal automobile accident did he exhibit you the scar there you might be see that gift ship there acquired Jesse’s and that series of tiny little indentations all alongside me inside thigh the run the whole approach as much as me developing see the great food ah Tara’s half prior 1:00 within the morning you go off to sleep I was once just wandering around typically I are not able to sleep and i need a excellent walk to calm myself down you don’t mind do you no no you do that each one right so excellent night time and happy Christmas Ted God Almighty – i’m no longer going out of this room except the following day i do not danger bumping into that weirdo bina snootiness you see them turn off the light before you come up need you and please do not watch why Mackenzie panic it’s a damaging however my god the very fact I think it is dependable to say the burglar is without doubt within the street of nightmares Duggal I thoroughly instructed you not to watch that movie Ted no I wasn’t gazing a Ted I simply got here down to carry the milk round hello your holiness president Robinson well accomplished on the whole thing mr.De Niro good good I loved you in Godfather too he won’t be doing any more burglaries the place he is going Oh where’s that well let jail sure of course sorry however sergeant tell me how do you know a lot about me i’m enthusiastic about that myself anxious if that’s your actual title I already informed you it wasn’t how were you aware so much about father Crilley is that this off the record of path good I wasn’t selridge a few days ago bought speaking to this historical priest in a bar he used to be a bit cagey at first but a number of pictures of JD and he was singing like a chicken the golden cleric they name it giving it to an ancient friend of mine Ted Crilley met him on dolly mound strand as a listening a plan fashioned in my head we drank long into the night time me pay in a path him spilling his guts on a subjective maintaining an additional tanta cruelly you bought a mane a white hair kinda like it get on a mule wet the mattress ascend columns enormous bushy sure the longer he talked the better at gut and historic-timer named Jack Hackett and a poor strange idiot boy after that every one I needed was the proper costume priest I mean ye yeah that’s an extended story i was such as you a completely normal bathroom average run-of-the-mill cleric then I gained first prize in the country west meet priest to the ear competition the guess it went to my head after that I began hitting the altar wine too hard going convenient on persons in confession getting backhanders for doing quicker plenty all I wanted was once trophies and prizes however the person who rather bought me rough was once the golden cleric no no no today what I was once going to ask you as you’re a priest I imply why did you are taking the opposite monks garments i do not understand it used to be just going our method good I’ve got dangerous news for you so referred to as Tong juice that wasn’t off the record i’m making use of that as evidence in opposition to you ah that’s completely unfair take them away thanks sergeant they’ll be lucrative this father you both will have to be very pleased with yourselves now not one of these bad day in any case i’d say it is a useful one thing you will have pricey mrs.Doyle huh modern science it’s wonderful isn’t it it’s certainly and thanks once more father it’s the fine Christmas reward ever what about the tea laptop oh sure i’m going to go on crank it up correct now no i don’t just like the sound of that in any respect i’m sorry mrs. Doyle we’re simply gonna must get it constant oh no father don’t please what father i really like the whole tea making thing you know the playful splash of the tea is it hits the backside of the copper path of including the milk and gazing it accept a second before it filters slowly down via the cup altering the colour from dark brown to a lighter brown perching an not obligatory jaffa cake on the saucer like a proud soldier standing to awareness beside a big cup of tea oh just think father take into account the entire best instances we had when I used to make the tea tea mom you’re right mrs. Doyle you already know T out of computing device is like milk out of a baby’s bottle the baby does not need yet another bottle he desires it out of his mom’s make us each a nice natural cup of tea proper your father and do not you fear it’s going to be extremely good exquisite bloody hell have you learnt Dougal priesthood it’s no longer about awards and glamour it can be about difficult graft and attending to the religious needs of your parishioners you recognize that Tunxis fella that might had been me really that explains lots Google i don’t consider he picked up on what I intended there I would were a nasty priest you recognize i am gonna be lazy conceited now not giving a damn about the desires of my parishioners Ted it is mrs.Kill Cody she needs you to do a kind of remembrance plenty i’m nothing you already know doodle i’m sorry about my contemporary silliness you recognize you deserve this award as a lot as me rather thanks Ted that’s quality thanks very so much simply go away it oh you bet higher I consider yeah and my name on the plaque we will not trouble changing that each one right I i do know the awards mine and that’s good sufficient for me yeah there isn’t a gonna have a bat you understand help me calm down after the day k what are you doing simply having somewhat of fun .

[the-spoony-bard]

A Matter of Leverage - 10

Fandom: Fire Emblem Awakening

Style: Leverage!AU; modern setting; adventure/drama

Word count: 2,654

Read on Ao3

The young man fidgets in his seat, tugging at the collar of his shirt. There’s a stiff crispness to the light gray fabric to suggest that he’s never worn it before past the first ironing, the unease in his posture further ratifying Robin’s guess as this being a person attempting to be formal who has had little practice in doing so. His youth only serves to add further to the effect, sheepishly requesting water after Stahl had carded him, lowering the brim of his baseball hat to better cover the dusting of pink over his nose and cheeks.

 “I prob’ly should’ve made an appointment ahead of time,” he says apologetically with a notable southern twang, fingers tapping nervously on the table.

 “Don’t worry about it,” Robin replies kindly. She can feel Stahl watching just as he had a fortnight ago when Sumia and Cordelia were the ones seeking out Robin’s help, the latter with far less enthusiasm than the former. She continues to give the young man more time to pluck up his courage. “You did let me know ahead of time when you called this morning, and I happened to have an open afternoon, so it all worked out in the end. Besides, I’d hate to have you come all this way from Alabama for nothing.”

 Robin had been planning on staying in for a day of old movies and a bowl of popcorn, but this hardly warranted as important information to divulge.

 “Yes’m. Thank you, ma’am,” the young man nods rapidly, falling back to etiquette drilled into his head from infancy.

 “I don’t believe I ever caught your name.”

 “Donny,” he supplies, immediately stumbling over himself to retract it. “Er, Donnel, I mean. Donnel Spangler.”

 “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Donnel.” Robin extends her hand.

 Donnel looks at it nervously for just a moment before he realizes she means to shake. His own hand shoots out quickly to meet her, giving a couple enthusiastic shakes before he sets his hand awkwardly in his lap, not knowing what to do with it.

 “Would you care to tell me what happened, Donnel?” Robin prompts, firm but kind.

 “I’m sorry,” Donnel hesitates, unable to meet Robin’s eyes with his own. “Now that I’m here it just seems so hard to say it.”

 “It’s okay. Take all the time you need.”

 “That’s just the problem, ma’am,” Donnel says with more strength behind his words, finally matching Robin’s gaze. “We’re running out of time and I don’t know what can be done now.”

 “You leave that part to me.” Robin pats Donnel’s hand reassuringly atop the table. “First I need to know everything you can tell me.”

 “Okay.” Donnel nods to himself as he takes a deep breath.

 ○

 “Ma, what’s going on?”

 Donnel’s mother turned around as he stepped out through the front door to join them on the lawn. There was no way to not notice from how it creaked—the farm was old, showing its age as well as announcing it with every creak and groan.

 “It’s your eviction notice,” one of the men provided nastily. A glitter of gold sparkled in his toothy grin.

 “But that can’t be!” Donnel’s mother cried, brows furrowed as she wrung her hands in her apron. “There’s just no way… How could this have happened?”

 “How about you talk to the new owners about that?” the gold-toothed man replied, voice sickly sweet with feigned innocence.

 Right on cue, a car pulled up and parked in the drive. Three men stepped out in short order, surveying the area casually. Donnel turned to his mother for any clarification, but she didn’t look at him, keeping on a brave face despite the beads of sweat forming on her brow.

 “I don’t understand,” Donnel whispered to her furiously, fists clenched to his sides.

 “It sounds like you didn’t make your payments in time,” the gold-toothed man answered instead.

 “But we did!” Donnel’s mother turned on him in a righteous fury as the three new arrivals watched with mild interest. “And after that they never even bothered to fix anything back up decent! The roof still leaks, floorboards are missing from the porch… I fired them, they shouldn’t be able—”

 “Doesn’t matter.” With a shrug, the gold-toothed man twirled the house keys from their ring around one finger before he walked over to the oldest of the three men with slicked back auburn hair, beginning to gray, and tossed them into his waiting hands.

 “Mr. Roddick!” Donnel’s mother called, putting on a brave face even as her voice wavered, hurrying over to the older man. “Please, you can’t do this! Where will we go?”

 “I truly am sorry that it’s come to this, ma’am,” Mr. Roddick replied, not sounding sorry in the slightest.

 Donnel watched in silent horror as Roddick pulled a piece of paper from his pocket folded unevenly into quarters. With no further discussion, he passed it along to Donnel’s mother before he and his two sons got back into their shiny SUV and drove off, the two men sent ahead getting into their own less expensive car to follow after them.

 “Ma, we can’t let them get away with this!” Donnel took his mother’s free hand, the other holding the eviction notice shakily.

 “There’s nothing that we can do, son.”

 “No! No, I’ll—I’ll find help. Ma, I promise! I’ll leave right away!”

 ○

 Donnel leans forward in his seat, his hands clasped together in a desperate plea.

 “I’m still a little confused on the how of things, but Ma says that it’s all to do with some legal loophole they used once we’d fired them. We were trapped either way, losing all our money on workers that didn’t even fix anything. We’ve been living in hard times ever since my pa passed away—gods rest his soul—so we had to take one of those loans on the house.”

 “An equity loan,” Robin provides.

 “Yeah, that’s the one. There’s so much work to do just between the farm and my schooling, and Ma felt it’d be for the best if we hired contractors to work on the house for us so I wouldn’t have to give up on my learning… I wish that I had now. They took so long to do absolutely nothing, and the value of our house dropped.”

 “In short, Roddick’s taken your house and property as collateral,” Robin sums up grimly.

 “That’s right, ma’am.”

 “Just Robin will do,” Robin says kindly.

 “Miss Robin, the farm has been in our family for generations. It means everything to Ma. After Pa died… well, it’s the last thing she has from him that really matters ‘sides her wedding ring. I can’t let that dirty crook take it away from her like this!”

 “And we won’t let her,” Robin assures him, resting her hand on top of his for a few seconds. “My team will make sure that your house is given back to you and your mother.”

 “Thank you, ma’am—er, Miss Robin.”

 “In the meantime, go back to your mother. My team and I will keep you apprised of our progress.”

 Donnel nods helplessly as he murmurs more thanks, first to Robin, then to Stahl as he passes him at the bar. He pauses for a moment at the door, his fingers wrapped around the handle. Robin gives him a reassuring smile as she sits down on one of the barstools.

 “They won’t get away with this, Donnel.”

 Donnel smiles back, even if the twitch of his lips suggests less surety than Robin projects. Robin watches him leave, walking down the sidewalk on the other side of the glass before she turns back around to Stahl watching her. She pauses at his expression, almost not recognizing him without his usual sympathetic eyes.

 “You look better than you have been,” Stahl notes. Robin can’t help but hear the sincerity. In all their limited interactions, she’s never seen even a hint of a mean bone in the man’s body.

 “Just busier,” Robin replies, far more guarded than he. It is, after all, easier to look better when one drinks themselves silly only in the privacy of their own homes instead of in front of well-meaning bartenders like Stahl.

 “It looks that way from the meetings you’ve been having here,” Stahl says knowingly. He quickly holds his hands up in an automatic response for one well versed in de-escalation. “Not that I eavesdrop on private conversations. But I can see it.”

 Robin nods, absentmindedly tapping on the smooth wood of the bar with her fingers. She’d had no intention of making a secret of her new work, and she still doesn’t.

 “If there’s anything I can do to help,” Stahl continues, “you can let me know. All you have to do is ask.”

 Robin grins, looking up at that innocent smile. He’s been trying to crack this nut ever since the bar became Robin’s regular haunting grounds. She rests her elbow on the bar, leaning her head against her propped up hand.

 “There is something…”

 Stahl’s eyes widen almost imperceptibly at Robin’s acceptance. Robin points lazily behind Stahl’s head before he can get too excited at his progress in befriending her.

 “Could I just get the whole bottle to go? It seems I’ve got some work to get to.”

 Stahl sighs, shaking his head with a wry smile.

 “You could get in trouble drinking on the job,” he jokes wearily, but takes it down anyway.

 “There’s perks to being your own boss,” Robin replies cheekily.

 She hops off the barstool, taking her bottle and leaving with words of thanks to Stahl. There’s a shuffling from over her com as she steps out into the street, readjusting her scarf with her free hand to block out the crisp autumn chill in the air. Robin cringes as the very distinct sound of someone loudly chewing crunchy food echoes in her ear.

 “Hey, I noticed your earpiece is gone from its bed,” Nowi announces from around a mouthful of potato chips. “Is this about the guy who called earlier with a job?”

 “Yes. And you’d better not be eating those on the couch. You leave crumbs everywhere.”

 There’s a pause as Nowi presumably moves to a different position than Robin’s couch.

 “I’ll get to work on looking this guy up!” she deftly changes the subject.

 “Good. I think the others are still around.”

 ○

 Robin shrugs off her coat, raising her eyebrows at the collection of people in her kitchen.

 “You’d think you people didn’t have your own places to live the way I always find you in mine.”

 Olivia opens her mouth to speak upon spotting the bottle clutched in Robin’s hand, but quickly shuts it.

 “You’re the only one that actually keeps your cupboards stocked, so there you go,” Gaius shrugs, having been caught in the act of pulling food from her fridge when Robin walked in moments earlier. He unabashedly finishes constructing himself a sandwich even as Robin rolls her eyes to hide her amusement.

 “I’ve got our briefing all ready to go whenever you are!” Nowi calls from the other room.

 “Good,” Robin says, motioning the others to go on ahead as she pulls out a glass for her alcohol. Both glass and bottle hit the table without ceremony as she sinks into her seat in the other room. She can feel everyone but Gaius—who’s rather more interested in his sandwich—looking at her, so she waves Nowi on with her free hand as she pours her first glass. “Run it.”

 “Okay,” Nowi hesitates for just a moment before she forges ahead, turning on the three screens with a swipe of her tablet. “Our target is a Mr. Roddick.” She gestures dramatically as the man himself appears on screen, sporting the classic greased back look one expects from a used car salesman, the graying hair and crow’s feet around his eyes betraying his age. “He’s a contractor, and as crooked as they come. He’s got construction contracts spread out over Alabama and some in neighboring states as well, most of them residential. And that ties into his really shady trick of earning his millions of dollars.”

 “Robin,” Olivia whispers as Robin makes quick work of her first glass. “A-are you o-okay?”

 “Fine,” Robin replies, more short than she intends to be.

 “So what’s his deal then?” Gaius cuts in loudly, looking at Robin out of the corner of his eye. She nods gratefully. “How did he scam the Spanglers?”

 “It’s actually pretty simple,” Nowi says, puffing out her chest. “He takes the contracts, then stretches them out by doing horrible work on the houses that doesn’t actually fix anything. After about a year or so, most people—Donny and his mom included—figure that after all this time and no progress, they’ll just cut their losses and the contract and not pay him anymore. That’s where Roddick gets people. He’s able to file for a contractor’s lien on the property because the work done, no matter how poor it is, isn’t being paid for. Then it’s all a matter of waiting until the family runs out of money, the bank forecloses, and Roddick steps up to take ownership of the house.”

 “That’s just wrong,” Lon’qu rumbles, the muscles of his arms tightening as they’re crossed over his chest.

 “Wrong, yes,” Robin agrees. “But still completely legal.”

 “When I was looking up their history, I found out that Roddick’s been investigated before a few years ago, but the FBI could never find anything to really stick,” Nowi adds.

 “Th-there’s got to be s-some opening, i-isn’t there?” Olivia asks, fidgeting nervously with her cat sticker pen.

 “I think there is,” Robin says vaguely before taking a long sip. “Nowi, what do you have on Roddick’s sons?”

 “I was hoping you’d ask!” Nowi claps her hands together excitedly. “Roddick’s got his two sons in on the business—Norris and Murray.” Nowi swipes at the tablet and brings up pictures of two younger men, one sullen and the other much more enthusiastic. She points out the latter. “Murray is Roddick’s oldest son, but it doesn’t look like he’ll be inheriting the family business anytime soon. He’s the playboy of the family. Spends more time travelling the world doing crazy sports like jet skiing and snowboarding. The only authority he’s ever seemed to have is being a judge in a bikini competition.” She sticks out her tongue to clarify her own disgust.

 “What about the little guy?” Lon’qu nods his head at the picture of the other son.

 “He’s like his brother’s polar opposite. While Murray is all fun times, Norris is always working. Roddick is definitely the face of the company, but from what I could tell, Norris is the one doing all the actual work.”

 “Hmm,” Robin leans back in her seat, squinting her eyes as she surveys Nowi’s carefully collected pictures. “We can’t underestimate them. They’ve already squeaked past a state investigation before and they’re covered by the law. Attacking them from the outside can be difficult.”

 “I think I know where you’re going with this,” Olivia says quietly, even as her eyes keep flitting back to the bottle Robin absentmindedly taps against her own thigh.

 “So you’re talking about striking from the inside?” Gaius finally speaks, wiping his fingers off on the front of his shirt. Robin resists the urge to go hunting for a napkin for him.

 “A house divided against itself,” Lon’qu recites.

 “That’s the idea,” Robin confirms, rising from her seat. She looks down to see her glass empty again, so she takes a swig straight from the bottle instead, ignoring Olivia’s flinching. “And Murray… he’s our weak link. Nowi, where is he now?”

 “His recent activity looked like plane tickets to a ski resort.”

 “Hmm…” Robin sets the bottle heavily on the table, looking to Olivia. “How familiar are you with Olympic sports?”

[batterymonster2021]

"A Christmassy Ted" | Christmas Special | Father Ted | Dead Parrot

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/a-christmassy-ted-christmas-special-father-ted-dead-parrot/

"A Christmassy Ted" | Christmas Special | Father Ted | Dead Parrot

i have been doing various thinking just lately in well I I just don’t consider i’m reduce out for the priesthood I feel it’s time you and that i faced data you need us as priests within the country if now not the best safe haven sub percentage what i’m talking about don’t you yeah yeah I feel I do i’ll be off then come here here would you love a peanut peanut you stroll me down for me a peanut god do go oh sorry stated go to mattress you competent right here we go one two three whats up Dejan Oh the airhead oh wait no what good again yeah wait we get this sort of soft again again go on back Duggal just take a seat down Oh Ted can i open an extra window and the advent calendar first all right then however don’t forget you’re simply allowed to open state-of-the-art window Oh Shepherd first rate stuff oh god Ted are not able to open the other two no Dugan Ted I cannot wait to find out what’s behind the next day to come’s one I guess it can be a donkey or whatever all right so you might have transformed out of your preliminary prediction workplaces once more rude howl it can be sitting on a shared wasn’t God Almighty do go where do you get these things scorching i might say it is most commonly only a lovely angel what would you say is at the back of you Marvin to father Jack well who knows sure lady’s neck oh yes Father sure message understood God Almighty Dougal depart the calendar except the next day to come one other 12 months long gone it is rough to consider isn’t it I imply what’s all of it about Dugan good it doesn’t fairly have a story Ted you realize it’s just about football and stuff no dougela I imply existence you understand your slave away attending to the needs of your parishioners and what do you get a one-method ticket to Palookaville you realize I regarded in the reflect this morning and i noticed a center-aged grey-haired man staring again at me who used to be that me do woman oh yes of path it can be simply that I bought a Christmas card the day prior to this from father Jeff laughing he’s in Montana he makes $50,000 a yr and 2000 and pointers awesome how does he control that I do not know a lap dancing or some thing after which there’s father buzz Dolan in Canada he’s his own exhibit on cable and i hear he is landed a big phase in the new Bond movie all started for him when he received that golden cleric award let’s be nice to be famous have you learnt what i would love about being noted humans hearken to you they take heed to what you ought to say and i’ve quite a bit to assert what about when you’re doing all of your sermons Ted people take heed to you then do not they i know dude I mean folks I recognize you see you simply talked correct across me there even you do not take heed to me that’s no longer reasonable well I do are you watching forward to Christmas i’m indeed mrs.Doyle a quality quiet Christmas that is what I want a first-rate quiet Christmas without a distinguished incidents or unusual humans turning up that would go well with me all the way down to the ground a excellent quiet ordinary day-to-day Christmas oh there is the door i’m sorry is this mrs. Reilly’s residence no ed that is it simply down the road oh thanks very so much who used to be that Ted simply anybody we’re looking for Riley’s apartment she had a baby together with her for a moment I idea somebody had simply left it on our doorstep cut Ted could you imagine what would have happened if she’d left it with us yes we’ve been watching after and the whole thing and coming into all kinds of hilarious jams the entire thing would have been very very funny good it wouldn’t have been that humorous Ted definitely no and the drinks just come out here now you might have already punched on your resolution from milk and sugar so all the work is taken out of it even the state-of-the-art woman a lot of time for scheming sympathy glitch and might access coffee hot chocolate or Horlicks sure tea grasp rather takes the misery out of making tea well what do you believe probably I just like the misery for mrs.Doyle good suggestion Ted perfume is the ideal woman reward isn’t it yes that is why God invented fragrance so you do not must put any notion into whatsoever I used to stay Jack in the end oh they’ve obtained this exceptional pressed head where that you may put persons who do not wish to go looking they are able to simply stay there and have a laugh now we have on no account heard of that but there other men and women there are lots of individuals dead you can be quality perfume you suppose you’d be capable to scent it very precisely how we all know good we’re within the Hindi striking around close females secret matters it can be justice appear this manner oh no extra Underpants I imply I failed to want so many forms of Underpants huh I imply what did the parade around of them watching in mirrors always we received a little lost in the retailer that is why we’re right here gonna bit lost right here I feel that’s why you are here as good misplaced yes correct yeah that is it that is it examples you understand how over here it is ireland’s greatest Landry section I realize yeah I read that someplace the excellent strategies for us to get out of right here as rapidly as viable you understand for clergymen hanging around the freely section sure I see what you imply yeah let’s try this approach we’ve been here I recall these brows from the primary time round they all look the same to me no no these ones have double padding and the black clay sometimes lonely factor to reduce the physical games and additional-force straps for those who cross by way of a bra with a center artwork support and single pilot and the flight lace define then I think we’re on the correct track any individual’s coming to see you good not in view we have been watching for the toilet so we desired in right here with the aid of mistake it can be large it can be Ryan’s largest lingerie section I comprehend like this is the drawback we have eight clergymen striking around the lingerie part with one or two of us that’ll be embarrassing but rate we’re speaking countrywide scandal Oh the heels seem the equal proper very first thing don’t panic we’re in this factor let’s try to get out of it ok Billy i need you on factor for the clearly father D can you are taking up the again let’s go and hold it quiet I harm any individual maybe i’m just going loopy laundry section so long i do not think this sauce you are taking a rest image for the correct you go on factor however assume this kind of factor of the priest handiest two weeks in the past a good phase is to send me off to a couple bloody cat oh isn’t it i am gonna make you a promise at some point you and that i we’re gonna be in that new parish of yours sipping iced tea on the garden it can be somewhat bit only a memory can you hold onto that idea okay can you do that for me as good it is my silly fault for messing with the brass go ahead slowly sluggish you down pay attention we’re a team stick together there’s the exit thank God God appear in any respect those persons they most likely see us coming out perhaps for those who honestly purchase some Underpants then it would not seem so unusual they’re ladies’s Underpants awareness who’s received the most boring voice wash off the fanatics who’s bought probably the most boring voice this set were you inquiring for a dramatic pleasing voice no Newton said of boring he wanted an boring voice if so you have to excuse me for my impetuous interruption listen this is what we’re going to do what is going on on I think Ted has a plan no I mean customarily anyway after the laundry section females and gentlemen would you please convey your purchases to the checker because the steward selected clothes what’s mistaken Google took three lads pointing at a stare at head disappointing hi I’ve bought to do with Christmas oh honey how there is nothing within the Catholic scandal supplement in regards to the lingerie episode I suppose we bought away with it hi there Craig Holland parochial condo father Ted Crilley talking k Tom McCaskill right here hi there Tom how are you and the place are you you left a brand new north and hurry i’m in room oh when are you coming again when matters have died down a bit of I might have to head off to South the us for a while you realize she’s going to make a bloody fuck about it ah no that is now not fair catch up with you about that Lourdes factor looking a wee bit dodgy thus I washed it simply let me stop you right like proper there tom that money was once simply resting in my account anyway Ted we owe you a large favor forgetting the lad Joseph’s trouble the other day we’d like you to have a golden cleric the golden cleric you are no longer critical i am lethal serious Oh God i don’t think helpful when I consider of all of the other monks who bonnet you deserve it you managed to have but an extraordinarily intricate main issue and restrict one other rip-off when the church father bully in the relaxation of the lads will drop the award over to you the next day to come oh and is the reps are about this register em is there any sort of cash prize with – i’m afraid no longer tag but somewhat strapped for money here on the second anyway see you quickly doodle high-quality information you’re getting married natural is that a shaggy dog story yeah no i’m being given a golden clerical battle definitely excellent it is not everyday you went into Wars who’re no father you cannot have an award why not award a colossal yes there you’re exceptional balls all snapshot doodles take a photo Oh Ted can i keep up the next day night time to watch the scary movie oh no no no no the final time you watched a horrifying movie you needed to sleep in my mattress i would not mind but wasn’t even that horrifying film come on no Ted a Volkswagen with a intellect of its possess long past mad if that’s now not frightening I do not know what’s don’t it’s a children’s film if you can’t handle that how on this planet are you gonna be equipped to take a movie a couple of burglar who runs into individuals’s houses and kills every body is that is that what this one’s about sure if you want to make reward your possess age this movie the modern gossip or comfortably have a little bit of fun oh please chat back and speak to veggies you want to know right I got the presentation case for my award our exceptional ed notable I think i will put it right here over the creaky floorboard any robbers got here in and tried to rob my award will hear them only a few cheerful to get this award you realize it let me not be probably the most high monks in the nation once I get my award all proper zero saying there i’m probably the most high purpose within the country did you hear that I stated there only a second in the past I did yeah well it’s now not earlier than time father I constantly thought you have been one of the vital fine clergymen within the nation thanks very so much mrs.Doyle one of the pleasant or might be the first-rate just right one mrs. Doyle truthfully would you say i am the great priest in the nation at the second you don’t pass over new nation just say so I actually is not going to intellect i would say you perhaps the 2d first-class no it can be all right i’m now not the best priest in the country i’m honey the second quality there may be a person higher than me it seems that father I was once simply pondering of those clergymen working very poor areas oh yes of course those lads father Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the likes is a Protestant man all proper oh first-rate so Protestant is healthier than me proceed this i’m now not the satisfactory i am simply 2d fine it sounds as if the golden cleric is a runner-up prize good i’m so sorry definitely i’m simply an idiot without doubt I can’t even say Mass safely father don’t take it back that is what you said you said i’m no longer the quality peaceable in the nation that is high-quality just want to be aware of where I stand obviously now i am gonna have to jack it in priesthood i will write a letter to Bishop Brendan asked me for early retirement and perhaps after I go you can ask the other priest father Peter perfect the ultimate priest to return right here and you can work for him in view that he is definitely this type of satisfactory priest welcome to priest chat bank if you’re underneath 18 or now not a priest please hang up now you desire to communicate in regards to the Pope’s visit to Mexico say sure now if you wish to speak about being vaguely sad however not being in a position to determine precisely why say yes no wait yes yes whats up hi there no is that being vaguely sad but not being competent to determine precisely why no that is learn how to damage the information of a dying we were simply speakme about techniques I say it’s nice to just get it over with rapidly your husband’s lifeless and he is now not coming back get used to it yes but mostly a number of little hints support like keep in mind how your husband used to like a excellent snort my drawback is that I should be on top of the world due to the fact i’ve been given an award however the truth of the subject is that i know this can be a priest only line you know why Wow there while you were out on your stroll we had a cell call I consider you had been imagined to do a funeral today fully forgot about it can be all correct father McGuire mentioned he three it can be little need i am just so thinking about Christmas I can’t sleep do you under no circumstances get to sleep like that i am simply writing my speech for the following day god it’s extremely good up to now what do you set in speeches you told me thank every person would not you no now not on this case Dougal you see I bought this battle to my own initiative and rough graft so there may be nobody else to thank him except myself that is a excellent concept i’ll thank myself Wow is that the speech no he is just the notes fairly see right here for instance this can be a list of individuals who’ve really fucked me over down the years father Jimmy Fennell he particularly wishes taking down a peg or two and father PJ coward oh wait a minute he is on the incorrect list he will have to be beneath Liars as a substitute than twats final I obtained a risk to shine to face out to be well-known I respect it no dude I imply awareness of my my advantage of my achievements all right and what achievements of those hope Larry Duff’s coming capture my massive moment I shall supply him a name hope he makes it Larry’s tremendous phony frustrated he loves award ceremonies oh wait no he’s on holidays well i’ll disturb them anyway i am gonna try and get to sleep an extra time that’s little need Dooley she’s an effective way to fall asleep simply excellent empty your head of all pots i’ll provide it a go but I quite don’t amazing quite a lot of persons within the steady Ted it’s the one factor I did not count on do be taught to and open your grants I fully forgot about the grants first the calendar no offers I obtained any better than this you know I was racking my brains looking to feel what would mrs.Doyle particularly love for Christmas and then I idea you understand something to take the distress of creating tea mrs. Doyle the times of housekeepers making tea are over we can not reside in the dark ages you might have made your last cup of tea in this residence if i know individuals the way in which I consider I do she quite loves that present how were you aware i do know do not think I had observed these little recommendations he left mendacity around the place reward present reward gift reward gift rack off who would that be sermon is just not till – I’ve overlooked the ceremony hover no no in no way yeah have not transformed slightly yeah rascal and also you look at you you haven’t transformed either what well what about the hair all right from the hair it’s a it can be a it’s one other form color colour colour of course it it was purple brown blonde hey there hi there there are you back I suppose you instructed me all about it no why did you stick the ancient title and deal with in the the e-book you understand specifically the name very fundamental that you simply write the identify very very naturally i might love to inform however I can not fairly write you see one time last yr I used to be rollin with scissors and it fell and the close of the controls handwriting used to be totally severed father are you now not going to introduce me to the brand new father all correct fee of path really i’ll inform you what see if that you can bet Godfather certain it might be some thing nonetheless dog provide us a try father Andy Riley no father Desmond coin father George burn for the David Nicholson father chook ditch i will provide you with a clue ken Sweeney for their Neil Hannon father Keith : for the Ciaran Donnelly but their Mick McAvoy for the Jack White there Henry huge begging them for his or her Hank tree father Hiroshima Twinkie property bubble braveness so johnny has a poppin father Luke Duke but they are Billy funny father chewy Louie Papa John hoop fucker Harry Keitt Lynam additional nebula conundrum so the PB Stairmaster lifeless lips father Jemima rock Julie father Jerry twig father Sporto komodo for the Tuttle chest yes is that quite did she get ah come on Ted you knew already sure sure of path I used to be just amazed that she received it in Wow well underneath an hour good carried out mrs.Doyle so todd todd todd todd todd they are now Todd good old Todd how you get down there Todd how are you constant for a cup of tea Todd i would you prepare a hot toddy Todd do you want Todd whatever at all todd todd what time is the ceremony Ted good Todd it’s now not quite a ceremony i am sure to be just a very simple simple affair yes grandchildren about me i will be looking sir also is not going to be ok so Oh look dad what you love he knows salivate for them inform you i’m going to alternate the dominant stick palace however sorry i am sorry what’s the title Shan Shan sorry i do not ought to get into it but it just we want you there on the day you recognize a 2d or two and i’m day that is here any individual geared up round right here don’t talk to me you do not speak that place over there who loves when the rhythm kicks in and the track reveals itself through the counter rhythm which is there know what you equipped ok i do know first harder tell me what you see this hi who’s Ted and who’s Duggal hi there i’m Ted and that’s doogal there i’m doback he’s lifeless he’s over his dead father why does he want you via the stage he he need to be me dick man howdy i’m clearly a Shinto the golden cleric thanks very so much Ted have you ever idea about doing any tv work had crossed my intellect miss jeren agent no i’ll inform you what I supply this ad call still wonders for me well then right thank thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks good afternoon and welcome to the fifth annual presentation of the golden cleric each 12 months the Catholic Church offers an award to a priest for superb fulfillment this year’s winner is any one who’s overcome controversy in the past when rumors of monetary irregularities no no no however following a radical investigation no formal expenses had been ever made again so he was once simply resting in my account authorities have been burdened by what they saw as weird irregularities in his bills however he’s overcome all these personal setbacks oh come this year’s golden cleric ladies and gentlemen I give you father Ted Grilli who does not discontinue i’m on it rather of sticking with scores in public well well good good hi-yah I see some familiar faces here in these days some welcome some now not so welcome looks as if I’ve had the last chortle and quite a lot of men and women who particularly did not believe I had it in me to grow to be a tremendous priest good what I say to these persons is seem at me now but finally I obtained out of his headlock and now the place are you father a person hunter or give you some pygmies within the South Seas and where am i right here accepting a golden cleric award for being a prime priest he suggestion it will be a high-quality idea fine enjoyable to pour water on this young beginners mattress but of direction 30 years later the smile has been very a lot swiped a father Barry Kiernan’s face and now we transfer on to Liars follower Peter Sorensen farther Desmond Cairns recollect him well performed first-rate speech Ted it went good failed to it inform me you as wandering around in there for three hours sure it is eire’s largest land resection I realise all right oh no mr.Doyle that you could put that away and calm down sir we’re gonna check out the tea grasp how does it work Ted what am i able to not simply put the milk in no you see what you do is solely depart the cup there slide them this kind of cartridges here when the teachers comes in the market clutch so that’s superb yes well be aware of that I’ve gained an award i will be able to infrequently be seen consuming tea that is just been made in a pot the inspiration it just appears too good to be true watch the trap i’m sorry father your voice is just so boring i could not pay attention well do you have an incredibly boring voice I was just saying what’s the seize sorry failed to get it there both I imply excited about the tea master factor there need to be some kind of a catch oh oh there is no seize no watch this see perfect father there is any person there there may be virtually any individual like their father what do woman placed on that song good on the song that makes father Jack rise up what sorry about that Jack likes Assad to face up and up in the track comes up identical-identical it is only a bit fun yes good we we style of concept father Jack was once jumping by means of that window a little bit too traditionally that is why we put within the plexiglass anyway my speech what did you believe of us we all have a seem on the Christmas film yeah and now a distinctive elevated Latin Mass from san martin’s cathedral in dublin oh quality mass god I just remembered I supposed to be doing some thing terribly fundamental and the object I used to be imagined to be doing I simply remembered I’ve bought a mobilephone this fella on dying row that I befriended recently considering the fact that it is been finished the following day for mass homicide so i’d say he is pretty low on the second God Almighty did you do it oh you already know yes no sure do you want any support talking to him in view that he would get hysterical and crying and that i would say pull yourself together man all proper there may be been a colossal accident so I must go to I’ve received a cellphone name there the place you have been all someplace else proper so we’re not off saw father anxious you are coming too I might get you lift ah no house there was once a high-quality mass Alton Cosby is doing us i’m a giant fan of his he gives good mass but he really he really is aware of methods to work the altar appear at that chalice work effortless oh well we would be off so see you soon bye thanks for coming to the award ceremony where I acquired my award now on BBC one the director’s reduce of Jurassic Park with additional dinosaurs well that was a super day God was once dead it was a remarkable day incredible enjoyable i’d say it used to be one of the nice Christmas days ever Duggal I was once being sarcastic all proper hi there so used to be i who’s that fellow huh puppies I did not invite him did you yeah no that’s proper I barred you from inviting persons to the house after that tramp stayed for a week wasn’t a tramp Ted that used to be the high Minister of France no dooble he simply lied to you Todd honest i do not keep in mind him in any respect who the hell is he maybe he had a nickname like you recognize Terry Wogan what you imply that’s his actual name anyway don’t fear about it h ere you be gone in the morning seem at you mendacity in there like a enormous agent good right here all of us should not the entire plenty just like within the historical days they consider the entire enjoyable we used to have in the showers do you still do you continue to have the big oil bushy arse fluffy bit of downy fluff ah God memories remember the time you ancient Mitch go to the diner concert i could not go since I was recovering from a colossal automobile accident did he exhibit you the scar there you might be see that gift ship there acquired Jesse’s and that series of tiny little indentations all alongside me inside thigh the run the whole approach as much as me developing see the great food ah Tara’s half prior 1:00 within the morning you go off to sleep I was once just wandering around typically I are not able to sleep and i need a excellent walk to calm myself down you don’t mind do you no no you do that each one right so excellent night time and happy Christmas Ted God Almighty – i’m no longer going out of this room except the following day i do not danger bumping into that weirdo bina snootiness you see them turn off the light before you come up need you and please do not watch why Mackenzie panic it’s a damaging however my god the very fact I think it is dependable to say the burglar is without doubt within the street of nightmares Duggal I thoroughly instructed you not to watch that movie Ted no I wasn’t gazing a Ted I simply got here down to carry the milk round hello your holiness president Robinson well accomplished on the whole thing mr.De Niro good good I loved you in Godfather too he won’t be doing any more burglaries the place he is going Oh where’s that well let jail sure of course sorry however sergeant tell me how do you know a lot about me i’m enthusiastic about that myself anxious if that’s your actual title I already informed you it wasn’t how were you aware so much about father Crilley is that this off the record of path good I wasn’t selridge a few days ago bought speaking to this historical priest in a bar he used to be a bit cagey at first but a number of pictures of JD and he was singing like a chicken the golden cleric they name it giving it to an ancient friend of mine Ted Crilley met him on dolly mound strand as a listening a plan fashioned in my head we drank long into the night time me pay in a path him spilling his guts on a subjective maintaining an additional tanta cruelly you bought a mane a white hair kinda like it get on a mule wet the mattress ascend columns enormous bushy sure the longer he talked the better at gut and historic-timer named Jack Hackett and a poor strange idiot boy after that every one I needed was the proper costume priest I mean ye yeah that’s an extended story i was such as you a completely normal bathroom average run-of-the-mill cleric then I gained first prize in the country west meet priest to the ear competition the guess it went to my head after that I began hitting the altar wine too hard going convenient on persons in confession getting backhanders for doing quicker plenty all I wanted was once trophies and prizes however the person who rather bought me rough was once the golden cleric no no no today what I was once going to ask you as you’re a priest I imply why did you are taking the opposite monks garments i do not understand it used to be just going our method good I’ve got dangerous news for you so referred to as Tong juice that wasn’t off the record i’m making use of that as evidence in opposition to you ah that’s completely unfair take them away thanks sergeant they’ll be lucrative this father you both will have to be very pleased with yourselves now not one of these bad day in any case i’d say it is a useful one thing you will have pricey mrs.Doyle huh modern science it’s wonderful isn’t it it’s certainly and thanks once more father it’s the fine Christmas reward ever what about the tea laptop oh sure i’m going to go on crank it up correct now no i don’t just like the sound of that in any respect i’m sorry mrs. Doyle we’re simply gonna must get it constant oh no father don’t please what father i really like the whole tea making thing you know the playful splash of the tea is it hits the backside of the copper path of including the milk and gazing it accept a second before it filters slowly down via the cup altering the colour from dark brown to a lighter brown perching an not obligatory jaffa cake on the saucer like a proud soldier standing to awareness beside a big cup of tea oh just think father take into account the entire best instances we had when I used to make the tea tea mom you’re right mrs. Doyle you already know T out of computing device is like milk out of a baby’s bottle the baby does not need yet another bottle he desires it out of his mom’s make us each a nice natural cup of tea proper your father and do not you fear it’s going to be extremely good exquisite bloody hell have you learnt Dougal priesthood it’s no longer about awards and glamour it can be about difficult graft and attending to the religious needs of your parishioners you recognize that Tunxis fella that might had been me really that explains lots Google i don’t consider he picked up on what I intended there I would were a nasty priest you recognize i am gonna be lazy conceited now not giving a damn about the desires of my parishioners Ted it is mrs.Kill Cody she needs you to do a kind of remembrance plenty i’m nothing you already know doodle i’m sorry about my contemporary silliness you recognize you deserve this award as a lot as me rather thanks Ted that’s quality thanks very so much simply go away it oh you bet higher I consider yeah and my name on the plaque we will not trouble changing that each one right I i do know the awards mine and that’s good sufficient for me yeah there isn’t a gonna have a bat you understand help me calm down after the day k what are you doing simply having somewhat of fun .

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"A Christmassy Ted" | Christmas Special | Father Ted | Dead Parrot

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"A Christmassy Ted" | Christmas Special | Father Ted | Dead Parrot

i have been doing various thinking just lately in well I I just don’t consider i’m reduce out for the priesthood I feel it’s time you and that i faced data you need us as priests within the country if now not the best safe haven sub percentage what i’m talking about don’t you yeah yeah I feel I do i’ll be off then come here here would you love a peanut peanut you stroll me down for me a peanut god do go oh sorry stated go to mattress you competent right here we go one two three whats up Dejan Oh the airhead oh wait no what good again yeah wait we get this sort of soft again again go on back Duggal just take a seat down Oh Ted can i open an extra window and the advent calendar first all right then however don’t forget you’re simply allowed to open state-of-the-art window Oh Shepherd first rate stuff oh god Ted are not able to open the other two no Dugan Ted I cannot wait to find out what’s behind the next day to come’s one I guess it can be a donkey or whatever all right so you might have transformed out of your preliminary prediction workplaces once more rude howl it can be sitting on a shared wasn’t God Almighty do go where do you get these things scorching i might say it is most commonly only a lovely angel what would you say is at the back of you Marvin to father Jack well who knows sure lady’s neck oh yes Father sure message understood God Almighty Dougal depart the calendar except the next day to come one other 12 months long gone it is rough to consider isn’t it I imply what’s all of it about Dugan good it doesn’t fairly have a story Ted you realize it’s just about football and stuff no dougela I imply existence you understand your slave away attending to the needs of your parishioners and what do you get a one-method ticket to Palookaville you realize I regarded in the reflect this morning and i noticed a center-aged grey-haired man staring again at me who used to be that me do woman oh yes of path it can be simply that I bought a Christmas card the day prior to this from father Jeff laughing he’s in Montana he makes $50,000 a yr and 2000 and pointers awesome how does he control that I do not know a lap dancing or some thing after which there’s father buzz Dolan in Canada he’s his own exhibit on cable and i hear he is landed a big phase in the new Bond movie all started for him when he received that golden cleric award let’s be nice to be famous have you learnt what i would love about being noted humans hearken to you they take heed to what you ought to say and i’ve quite a bit to assert what about when you’re doing all of your sermons Ted people take heed to you then do not they i know dude I mean folks I recognize you see you simply talked correct across me there even you do not take heed to me that’s no longer reasonable well I do are you watching forward to Christmas i’m indeed mrs.Doyle a quality quiet Christmas that is what I want a first-rate quiet Christmas without a distinguished incidents or unusual humans turning up that would go well with me all the way down to the ground a excellent quiet ordinary day-to-day Christmas oh there is the door i’m sorry is this mrs. Reilly’s residence no ed that is it simply down the road oh thanks very so much who used to be that Ted simply anybody we’re looking for Riley’s apartment she had a baby together with her for a moment I idea somebody had simply left it on our doorstep cut Ted could you imagine what would have happened if she’d left it with us yes we’ve been watching after and the whole thing and coming into all kinds of hilarious jams the entire thing would have been very very funny good it wouldn’t have been that humorous Ted definitely no and the drinks just come out here now you might have already punched on your resolution from milk and sugar so all the work is taken out of it even the state-of-the-art woman a lot of time for scheming sympathy glitch and might access coffee hot chocolate or Horlicks sure tea grasp rather takes the misery out of making tea well what do you believe probably I just like the misery for mrs.Doyle good suggestion Ted perfume is the ideal woman reward isn’t it yes that is why God invented fragrance so you do not must put any notion into whatsoever I used to stay Jack in the end oh they’ve obtained this exceptional pressed head where that you may put persons who do not wish to go looking they are able to simply stay there and have a laugh now we have on no account heard of that but there other men and women there are lots of individuals dead you can be quality perfume you suppose you’d be capable to scent it very precisely how we all know good we’re within the Hindi striking around close females secret matters it can be justice appear this manner oh no extra Underpants I imply I failed to want so many forms of Underpants huh I imply what did the parade around of them watching in mirrors always we received a little lost in the retailer that is why we’re right here gonna bit lost right here I feel that’s why you are here as good misplaced yes correct yeah that is it that is it examples you understand how over here it is ireland’s greatest Landry section I realize yeah I read that someplace the excellent strategies for us to get out of right here as rapidly as viable you understand for clergymen hanging around the freely section sure I see what you imply yeah let’s try this approach we’ve been here I recall these brows from the primary time round they all look the same to me no no these ones have double padding and the black clay sometimes lonely factor to reduce the physical games and additional-force straps for those who cross by way of a bra with a center artwork support and single pilot and the flight lace define then I think we’re on the correct track any individual’s coming to see you good not in view we have been watching for the toilet so we desired in right here with the aid of mistake it can be large it can be Ryan’s largest lingerie section I comprehend like this is the drawback we have eight clergymen striking around the lingerie part with one or two of us that’ll be embarrassing but rate we’re speaking countrywide scandal Oh the heels seem the equal proper very first thing don’t panic we’re in this factor let’s try to get out of it ok Billy i need you on factor for the clearly father D can you are taking up the again let’s go and hold it quiet I harm any individual maybe i’m just going loopy laundry section so long i do not think this sauce you are taking a rest image for the correct you go on factor however assume this kind of factor of the priest handiest two weeks in the past a good phase is to send me off to a couple bloody cat oh isn’t it i am gonna make you a promise at some point you and that i we’re gonna be in that new parish of yours sipping iced tea on the garden it can be somewhat bit only a memory can you hold onto that idea okay can you do that for me as good it is my silly fault for messing with the brass go ahead slowly sluggish you down pay attention we’re a team stick together there’s the exit thank God God appear in any respect those persons they most likely see us coming out perhaps for those who honestly purchase some Underpants then it would not seem so unusual they’re ladies’s Underpants awareness who’s received the most boring voice wash off the fanatics who’s bought probably the most boring voice this set were you inquiring for a dramatic pleasing voice no Newton said of boring he wanted an boring voice if so you have to excuse me for my impetuous interruption listen this is what we’re going to do what is going on on I think Ted has a plan no I mean customarily anyway after the laundry section females and gentlemen would you please convey your purchases to the checker because the steward selected clothes what’s mistaken Google took three lads pointing at a stare at head disappointing hi I’ve bought to do with Christmas oh honey how there is nothing within the Catholic scandal supplement in regards to the lingerie episode I suppose we bought away with it hi there Craig Holland parochial condo father Ted Crilley talking k Tom McCaskill right here hi there Tom how are you and the place are you you left a brand new north and hurry i’m in room oh when are you coming again when matters have died down a bit of I might have to head off to South the us for a while you realize she’s going to make a bloody fuck about it ah no that is now not fair catch up with you about that Lourdes factor looking a wee bit dodgy thus I washed it simply let me stop you right like proper there tom that money was once simply resting in my account anyway Ted we owe you a large favor forgetting the lad Joseph’s trouble the other day we’d like you to have a golden cleric the golden cleric you are no longer critical i am lethal serious Oh God i don’t think helpful when I consider of all of the other monks who bonnet you deserve it you managed to have but an extraordinarily intricate main issue and restrict one other rip-off when the church father bully in the relaxation of the lads will drop the award over to you the next day to come oh and is the reps are about this register em is there any sort of cash prize with – i’m afraid no longer tag but somewhat strapped for money here on the second anyway see you quickly doodle high-quality information you’re getting married natural is that a shaggy dog story yeah no i’m being given a golden clerical battle definitely excellent it is not everyday you went into Wars who’re no father you cannot have an award why not award a colossal yes there you’re exceptional balls all snapshot doodles take a photo Oh Ted can i keep up the next day night time to watch the scary movie oh no no no no the final time you watched a horrifying movie you needed to sleep in my mattress i would not mind but wasn’t even that horrifying film come on no Ted a Volkswagen with a intellect of its possess long past mad if that’s now not frightening I do not know what’s don’t it’s a children’s film if you can’t handle that how on this planet are you gonna be equipped to take a movie a couple of burglar who runs into individuals’s houses and kills every body is that is that what this one’s about sure if you want to make reward your possess age this movie the modern gossip or comfortably have a little bit of fun oh please chat back and speak to veggies you want to know right I got the presentation case for my award our exceptional ed notable I think i will put it right here over the creaky floorboard any robbers got here in and tried to rob my award will hear them only a few cheerful to get this award you realize it let me not be probably the most high monks in the nation once I get my award all proper zero saying there i’m probably the most high purpose within the country did you hear that I stated there only a second in the past I did yeah well it’s now not earlier than time father I constantly thought you have been one of the vital fine clergymen within the nation thanks very so much mrs.Doyle one of the pleasant or might be the first-rate just right one mrs. Doyle truthfully would you say i am the great priest in the nation at the second you don’t pass over new nation just say so I actually is not going to intellect i would say you perhaps the 2d first-class no it can be all right i’m now not the best priest in the country i’m honey the second quality there may be a person higher than me it seems that father I was once simply pondering of those clergymen working very poor areas oh yes of course those lads father Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the likes is a Protestant man all proper oh first-rate so Protestant is healthier than me proceed this i’m now not the satisfactory i am simply 2d fine it sounds as if the golden cleric is a runner-up prize good i’m so sorry definitely i’m simply an idiot without doubt I can’t even say Mass safely father don’t take it back that is what you said you said i’m no longer the quality peaceable in the nation that is high-quality just want to be aware of where I stand obviously now i am gonna have to jack it in priesthood i will write a letter to Bishop Brendan asked me for early retirement and perhaps after I go you can ask the other priest father Peter perfect the ultimate priest to return right here and you can work for him in view that he is definitely this type of satisfactory priest welcome to priest chat bank if you’re underneath 18 or now not a priest please hang up now you desire to communicate in regards to the Pope’s visit to Mexico say sure now if you wish to speak about being vaguely sad however not being in a position to determine precisely why say yes no wait yes yes whats up hi there no is that being vaguely sad but not being competent to determine precisely why no that is learn how to damage the information of a dying we were simply speakme about techniques I say it’s nice to just get it over with rapidly your husband’s lifeless and he is now not coming back get used to it yes but mostly a number of little hints support like keep in mind how your husband used to like a excellent snort my drawback is that I should be on top of the world due to the fact i’ve been given an award however the truth of the subject is that i know this can be a priest only line you know why Wow there while you were out on your stroll we had a cell call I consider you had been imagined to do a funeral today fully forgot about it can be all correct father McGuire mentioned he three it can be little need i am just so thinking about Christmas I can’t sleep do you under no circumstances get to sleep like that i am simply writing my speech for the following day god it’s extremely good up to now what do you set in speeches you told me thank every person would not you no now not on this case Dougal you see I bought this battle to my own initiative and rough graft so there may be nobody else to thank him except myself that is a excellent concept i’ll thank myself Wow is that the speech no he is just the notes fairly see right here for instance this can be a list of individuals who’ve really fucked me over down the years father Jimmy Fennell he particularly wishes taking down a peg or two and father PJ coward oh wait a minute he is on the incorrect list he will have to be beneath Liars as a substitute than twats final I obtained a risk to shine to face out to be well-known I respect it no dude I imply awareness of my my advantage of my achievements all right and what achievements of those hope Larry Duff’s coming capture my massive moment I shall supply him a name hope he makes it Larry’s tremendous phony frustrated he loves award ceremonies oh wait no he’s on holidays well i’ll disturb them anyway i am gonna try and get to sleep an extra time that’s little need Dooley she’s an effective way to fall asleep simply excellent empty your head of all pots i’ll provide it a go but I quite don’t amazing quite a lot of persons within the steady Ted it’s the one factor I did not count on do be taught to and open your grants I fully forgot about the grants first the calendar no offers I obtained any better than this you know I was racking my brains looking to feel what would mrs.Doyle particularly love for Christmas and then I idea you understand something to take the distress of creating tea mrs. Doyle the times of housekeepers making tea are over we can not reside in the dark ages you might have made your last cup of tea in this residence if i know individuals the way in which I consider I do she quite loves that present how were you aware i do know do not think I had observed these little recommendations he left mendacity around the place reward present reward gift reward gift rack off who would that be sermon is just not till – I’ve overlooked the ceremony hover no no in no way yeah have not transformed slightly yeah rascal and also you look at you you haven’t transformed either what well what about the hair all right from the hair it’s a it can be a it’s one other form color colour colour of course it it was purple brown blonde hey there hi there there are you back I suppose you instructed me all about it no why did you stick the ancient title and deal with in the the e-book you understand specifically the name very fundamental that you simply write the identify very very naturally i might love to inform however I can not fairly write you see one time last yr I used to be rollin with scissors and it fell and the close of the controls handwriting used to be totally severed father are you now not going to introduce me to the brand new father all correct fee of path really i’ll inform you what see if that you can bet Godfather certain it might be some thing nonetheless dog provide us a try father Andy Riley no father Desmond coin father George burn for the David Nicholson father chook ditch i will provide you with a clue ken Sweeney for their Neil Hannon father Keith : for the Ciaran Donnelly but their Mick McAvoy for the Jack White there Henry huge begging them for his or her Hank tree father Hiroshima Twinkie property bubble braveness so johnny has a poppin father Luke Duke but they are Billy funny father chewy Louie Papa John hoop fucker Harry Keitt Lynam additional nebula conundrum so the PB Stairmaster lifeless lips father Jemima rock Julie father Jerry twig father Sporto komodo for the Tuttle chest yes is that quite did she get ah come on Ted you knew already sure sure of path I used to be just amazed that she received it in Wow well underneath an hour good carried out mrs.Doyle so todd todd todd todd todd they are now Todd good old Todd how you get down there Todd how are you constant for a cup of tea Todd i would you prepare a hot toddy Todd do you want Todd whatever at all todd todd what time is the ceremony Ted good Todd it’s now not quite a ceremony i am sure to be just a very simple simple affair yes grandchildren about me i will be looking sir also is not going to be ok so Oh look dad what you love he knows salivate for them inform you i’m going to alternate the dominant stick palace however sorry i am sorry what’s the title Shan Shan sorry i do not ought to get into it but it just we want you there on the day you recognize a 2d or two and i’m day that is here any individual geared up round right here don’t talk to me you do not speak that place over there who loves when the rhythm kicks in and the track reveals itself through the counter rhythm which is there know what you equipped ok i do know first harder tell me what you see this hi who’s Ted and who’s Duggal hi there i’m Ted and that’s doogal there i’m doback he’s lifeless he’s over his dead father why does he want you via the stage he he need to be me dick man howdy i’m clearly a Shinto the golden cleric thanks very so much Ted have you ever idea about doing any tv work had crossed my intellect miss jeren agent no i’ll inform you what I supply this ad call still wonders for me well then right thank thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks good afternoon and welcome to the fifth annual presentation of the golden cleric each 12 months the Catholic Church offers an award to a priest for superb fulfillment this year’s winner is any one who’s overcome controversy in the past when rumors of monetary irregularities no no no however following a radical investigation no formal expenses had been ever made again so he was once simply resting in my account authorities have been burdened by what they saw as weird irregularities in his bills however he’s overcome all these personal setbacks oh come this year’s golden cleric ladies and gentlemen I give you father Ted Grilli who does not discontinue i’m on it rather of sticking with scores in public well well good good hi-yah I see some familiar faces here in these days some welcome some now not so welcome looks as if I’ve had the last chortle and quite a lot of men and women who particularly did not believe I had it in me to grow to be a tremendous priest good what I say to these persons is seem at me now but finally I obtained out of his headlock and now the place are you father a person hunter or give you some pygmies within the South Seas and where am i right here accepting a golden cleric award for being a prime priest he suggestion it will be a high-quality idea fine enjoyable to pour water on this young beginners mattress but of direction 30 years later the smile has been very a lot swiped a father Barry Kiernan’s face and now we transfer on to Liars follower Peter Sorensen farther Desmond Cairns recollect him well performed first-rate speech Ted it went good failed to it inform me you as wandering around in there for three hours sure it is eire’s largest land resection I realise all right oh no mr.Doyle that you could put that away and calm down sir we’re gonna check out the tea grasp how does it work Ted what am i able to not simply put the milk in no you see what you do is solely depart the cup there slide them this kind of cartridges here when the teachers comes in the market clutch so that’s superb yes well be aware of that I’ve gained an award i will be able to infrequently be seen consuming tea that is just been made in a pot the inspiration it just appears too good to be true watch the trap i’m sorry father your voice is just so boring i could not pay attention well do you have an incredibly boring voice I was just saying what’s the seize sorry failed to get it there both I imply excited about the tea master factor there need to be some kind of a catch oh oh there is no seize no watch this see perfect father there is any person there there may be virtually any individual like their father what do woman placed on that song good on the song that makes father Jack rise up what sorry about that Jack likes Assad to face up and up in the track comes up identical-identical it is only a bit fun yes good we we style of concept father Jack was once jumping by means of that window a little bit too traditionally that is why we put within the plexiglass anyway my speech what did you believe of us we all have a seem on the Christmas film yeah and now a distinctive elevated Latin Mass from san martin’s cathedral in dublin oh quality mass god I just remembered I supposed to be doing some thing terribly fundamental and the object I used to be imagined to be doing I simply remembered I’ve bought a mobilephone this fella on dying row that I befriended recently considering the fact that it is been finished the following day for mass homicide so i’d say he is pretty low on the second God Almighty did you do it oh you already know yes no sure do you want any support talking to him in view that he would get hysterical and crying and that i would say pull yourself together man all proper there may be been a colossal accident so I must go to I’ve received a cellphone name there the place you have been all someplace else proper so we’re not off saw father anxious you are coming too I might get you lift ah no house there was once a high-quality mass Alton Cosby is doing us i’m a giant fan of his he gives good mass but he really he really is aware of methods to work the altar appear at that chalice work effortless oh well we would be off so see you soon bye thanks for coming to the award ceremony where I acquired my award now on BBC one the director’s reduce of Jurassic Park with additional dinosaurs well that was a super day God was once dead it was a remarkable day incredible enjoyable i’d say it used to be one of the nice Christmas days ever Duggal I was once being sarcastic all proper hi there so used to be i who’s that fellow huh puppies I did not invite him did you yeah no that’s proper I barred you from inviting persons to the house after that tramp stayed for a week wasn’t a tramp Ted that used to be the high Minister of France no dooble he simply lied to you Todd honest i do not keep in mind him in any respect who the hell is he maybe he had a nickname like you recognize Terry Wogan what you imply that’s his actual name anyway don’t fear about it h ere you be gone in the morning seem at you mendacity in there like a enormous agent good right here all of us should not the entire plenty just like within the historical days they consider the entire enjoyable we used to have in the showers do you still do you continue to have the big oil bushy arse fluffy bit of downy fluff ah God memories remember the time you ancient Mitch go to the diner concert i could not go since I was recovering from a colossal automobile accident did he exhibit you the scar there you might be see that gift ship there acquired Jesse’s and that series of tiny little indentations all alongside me inside thigh the run the whole approach as much as me developing see the great food ah Tara’s half prior 1:00 within the morning you go off to sleep I was once just wandering around typically I are not able to sleep and i need a excellent walk to calm myself down you don’t mind do you no no you do that each one right so excellent night time and happy Christmas Ted God Almighty – i’m no longer going out of this room except the following day i do not danger bumping into that weirdo bina snootiness you see them turn off the light before you come up need you and please do not watch why Mackenzie panic it’s a damaging however my god the very fact I think it is dependable to say the burglar is without doubt within the street of nightmares Duggal I thoroughly instructed you not to watch that movie Ted no I wasn’t gazing a Ted I simply got here down to carry the milk round hello your holiness president Robinson well accomplished on the whole thing mr.De Niro good good I loved you in Godfather too he won’t be doing any more burglaries the place he is going Oh where’s that well let jail sure of course sorry however sergeant tell me how do you know a lot about me i’m enthusiastic about that myself anxious if that’s your actual title I already informed you it wasn’t how were you aware so much about father Crilley is that this off the record of path good I wasn’t selridge a few days ago bought speaking to this historical priest in a bar he used to be a bit cagey at first but a number of pictures of JD and he was singing like a chicken the golden cleric they name it giving it to an ancient friend of mine Ted Crilley met him on dolly mound strand as a listening a plan fashioned in my head we drank long into the night time me pay in a path him spilling his guts on a subjective maintaining an additional tanta cruelly you bought a mane a white hair kinda like it get on a mule wet the mattress ascend columns enormous bushy sure the longer he talked the better at gut and historic-timer named Jack Hackett and a poor strange idiot boy after that every one I needed was the proper costume priest I mean ye yeah that’s an extended story i was such as you a completely normal bathroom average run-of-the-mill cleric then I gained first prize in the country west meet priest to the ear competition the guess it went to my head after that I began hitting the altar wine too hard going convenient on persons in confession getting backhanders for doing quicker plenty all I wanted was once trophies and prizes however the person who rather bought me rough was once the golden cleric no no no today what I was once going to ask you as you’re a priest I imply why did you are taking the opposite monks garments i do not understand it used to be just going our method good I’ve got dangerous news for you so referred to as Tong juice that wasn’t off the record i’m making use of that as evidence in opposition to you ah that’s completely unfair take them away thanks sergeant they’ll be lucrative this father you both will have to be very pleased with yourselves now not one of these bad day in any case i’d say it is a useful one thing you will have pricey mrs.Doyle huh modern science it’s wonderful isn’t it it’s certainly and thanks once more father it’s the fine Christmas reward ever what about the tea laptop oh sure i’m going to go on crank it up correct now no i don’t just like the sound of that in any respect i’m sorry mrs. Doyle we’re simply gonna must get it constant oh no father don’t please what father i really like the whole tea making thing you know the playful splash of the tea is it hits the backside of the copper path of including the milk and gazing it accept a second before it filters slowly down via the cup altering the colour from dark brown to a lighter brown perching an not obligatory jaffa cake on the saucer like a proud soldier standing to awareness beside a big cup of tea oh just think father take into account the entire best instances we had when I used to make the tea tea mom you’re right mrs. Doyle you already know T out of computing device is like milk out of a baby’s bottle the baby does not need yet another bottle he desires it out of his mom’s make us each a nice natural cup of tea proper your father and do not you fear it’s going to be extremely good exquisite bloody hell have you learnt Dougal priesthood it’s no longer about awards and glamour it can be about difficult graft and attending to the religious needs of your parishioners you recognize that Tunxis fella that might had been me really that explains lots Google i don’t consider he picked up on what I intended there I would were a nasty priest you recognize i am gonna be lazy conceited now not giving a damn about the desires of my parishioners Ted it is mrs.Kill Cody she needs you to do a kind of remembrance plenty i’m nothing you already know doodle i’m sorry about my contemporary silliness you recognize you deserve this award as a lot as me rather thanks Ted that’s quality thanks very so much simply go away it oh you bet higher I consider yeah and my name on the plaque we will not trouble changing that each one right I i do know the awards mine and that’s good sufficient for me yeah there isn’t a gonna have a bat you understand help me calm down after the day k what are you doing simply having somewhat of fun .