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#and tbh i think we should look at the differences in a way that's not about which is Worse
astraltrickster · 4 months
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I find it genuinely fascinating and disturbing alike how the stereotype of autism, at least in many left-leaning spaces, has shifted in recent years from being a tragic, isolating white boys' disease, that tears families apart and is truly a fate worse than death for the sufferer, to a frivolous and #aesthetic white GIRLS' quirk that never has any ACTUALLY detrimental effects, not even any social difficulties, all these girls on TikTok can mask well and talk Normally and only flap cutely so what's YOUR excuse?
We spent maybe 5 figurative minutes talking about how autism mommy culture is abusively ableist in the way it simultaneously bends over backward to avoid teaching autistic kids - ESPECIALLY autistic boys - any meaningful coping skills, writing the whole concept off as just truly impossible (it's just the nature of The Autism Winning, these poor poor children are just tragically locked in their own heads, and if they're boys, well, Boys Will Be Boys, there's certainly nothing to be done for the meltdowns, stress reduction and clearer communication is a hopeless endeavor, he's just Acting Out completely arbitrarily, no I haven't actually TRIED I don't need to I Just Know), but simultaneously demands that kids learn these skills on their own because their parents just refuse to communicate with them on their own terms - then the fidget spinner trend happened, we got a whole stim toy industry, it blended with influencer and wannabe-influencer culture, and now...we just have a whole new stereotype that's no better; what it reduces in potential as eugenics propaganda, it makes up for in denial of support needs and misogynistic overtones.
In short, I fucking hate it.
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favourite twdg villain?
I'm a fond enjoyer of the St. John's as villains. I don't know if they're my favorite just because they're only in one episode, but I love the concept of this family almost immediately jumping into cannibalism toward the start of the outbreak, dealing in human flesh to bandits, and casually feeding this group their friend's legs.
Like... what the hell was this family like before the outbreak that all three of them were like, "Hey now listen... nothing should go to waste, the dead are eating people so why shouldn't we? We gotta survive and in our defense, we only target those who were gonna die anyway... like y'all."
Dude, Mark was shot in this shoulder with an arrow. He wasn't going to die from that injury. It's so fucked that these seemingly friendly people took the group into their home and then fed them Mark's legs.
If we take the idea that everyone is infected and have the capacity within themselves to become walkers, to become monsters, then the St. John's were infected long before the outbreak, y'know? Not literally, but something was wrong with them and the outbreak just further spread that infection and changed them.
But again, are they my favorite? I dunno if I can say that since I have a lot more appreciation for Lily now. Yeah, some of her writing gets a little wonky in ep3 of TFS when she goes on her monologues and shit, but y'know what? I'm into it.
You have to remember who we're talking about and the fact that she's the antagonist; Lily isn't some anti-hero in TFS who secretly has a heart of gold that's brought to light because she reunited with Clementine... she's a fucked up woman who did fucked up things in the name of survival. She's full of rot now. She sees kidnapping children and turning them into soldiers to protect her home as a means to an end, but she doesn't actually give a shit about the people she's taking. They aren't people to her, they're as the episode title suggests, toys in her game. The only one she sees as a person is Clementine, and while that makes her hesitate at first, she sees Clementine's a prize to bring back.
She remembers what happened in S1; her father had a heart attack and as she tried to save him, Kenny smashed his face in with a saltlick and then expected Lily to just stand up and help him get back to his family because "he did what he had to, he made the hard choice." Yes, Larry was a piece of shit. No one liked him, and you can even question Lily on him and she'll tell you that he has a lot of pain. Yes, it makes him an asshole, but he's still her dad and he's all she has. I mean... the simplification is daddy issues, but in all seriousness, I don't doubt for a second that many of Lily's issues stem from Larry being a shitty father to her.
Then everyone thought she was losing it when she insisted there was a traitor in the group, which she was right about, but she was unstable. She was unwell, but how do you help someone like that when you don't have training to go about it? Then Lily ends up killing either Carley or Doug and the group turns on her, and either she's left behind or she steals the van and runs away.
Then we don't know what the hell happened to her until we see her again in TFS, but like... a lone woman with decay festering inside of her joining the delta? Exposing her to their methods? I mean, what else did she have to lose? She had nothing, she lost everything, and she has a lot of issues. Survival is easy when you're numb, when you don't care about the individual; they're all just cogs churning to make the system run, and if a piece doesn't cooperate, you get rid of it and find a new one.
Plus I think there's something to say about Lily not wanting to be perceived as weak again. That whole display she put on in the cells? Telling the story of what happened to Minerva and Sophie? I get the criticism that it feels like Lily did a 180 between episodes but like... yeah dude, because it's a performance. It's not just her and Clementine anymore. It's a display of power and authority. She's playing the part and thriving in it as she ensures everyone else is terrified of her.
But then when Clementine and AJ get the upper hand? Again, she's not afraid to play up the pleading to earn enough sympathy to spare her- hell, just to let their guard down enough to strike and get the upper hand again. I mean, she's got nothing else to lose, right? If she doesn't go for it, she'll be killed and sure, you can kill her anyway but at least she tried.
Honestly, I look at Lily in TFS and still see that scared little girl playing the tough bitch, just like Carley said in S1. It's just now escalated from "tough bitch" to a downright vile person. She's so... lost? I suppose? Lost within herself and the monstrous means she's taken to survive.
I get the criticisms of how she was used in TFS, but for me, it's like when people complain about Minerva not getting the redemption arc she supposedly should've gotten, y'know? There's no saving her. Lily was never on our side, and there was no getting her on our side. She wasn't ever going to redeem herself. Even if you spare her and she drifts away on her raft, can someone like her actually find redemption? Or will she just find another group that'll feed into her rot?
Truly, I say let her be horrid. Let her be the piece of shit villain with a few fleeting moments of humanity. Let her drown in the blood she's spilled.
#asks#twdg lily#twdg andy st john#twdg danny st john#twdg brenda st john#twdg clementine#twdg minerva#twdg mark#twdg larry#twdg kenny#i know i used to complain about lily in tfs a lot years ago but past cj complained about everything tbh sksksks#now i'm just like babe lily's interesting as shit like not every villain needs a redemption arc just because you think they're hot#and don't wanna feel bad or because you want her to be like she was in s1 when she was sympathetic like... it's been years#that's like being mad that clementine isn't the same person as she was in s1... the difference is we got to see clementine grow#but what happened to lily is a mystery... but that doesn't mean she didn't change especially for the worst#i dunno sometimes i look at lady antagonists in media and then look at people's reactions and i'm like.......... hmmmm#c'mon now- if kenny came back in tfs the same exact way then y'all would be foaming at the mouth insisting he's complex#and morally grey and he's just really sad about his family dying and really he's a sad widdle meow meow but also the best villain#who should be spared because he always cared about clementine and aj and he's just traumatized and sad and amazing unlike OTHERS#like.................... okay sure mmhmmmm#side note but the worst thing about kenny is the fact that he IS a brilliantly written character but his stans tend to just be the worst#anyway i like lily she's a great tfs antagonist like i recognize there are some weak spots and i wish she has more of a presence in ep4#if she lived but y'know... gotta make room for minerva being the final bridge boss so... yeah
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andthebeanstalk · 4 days
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ur post about queerbaiting and the dismissal of people in fandom to critical analysis is so incredibly true thank you. i feel like marcille's writing in the anime has been super misogynistic a lot of the time and every time i bring this up all anyone wants to say is "well maybe this isn't for you! and you shouldn't watch the show!" like. i don't think this is about taste lmao, i am analyzing the text in front of me and coming to conclusions about the craft of it.
[This is in reference to this post]
YES!!! THANK YOU!!!!!
It is so so frustrating!!!!
It's like being at a restaurant and being served a bunch of delicious appetizers, but then one of the bread appetizers is literally just a plate of crumbs; and then when you're like, "Hey, uhh, why are we being served literal crumbs?", a bunch of the other folks eating at the restaurant are like,
"WELL HOW ABOUT YOU JUST DON'T EAT HERE THEN??!? YOU MUST NOT BE THAT HUNGRY, SO JUST FIND ANOTHER RESTAURANT AND DON'T EAT WITH US!!"
And maybe they say it politely, but "Aw, sorry, maybe this restaurant just isn't for you 💖" is just trading out an aggressive dismissive tone for a patronizing dismissive tone. It's the same message.
And it's like! I was honestly happy to move on from the crumbs once my complaint was acknowledged because the meal overall is still delicious, but then all these folks got SUPER WEIRD AND DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT, so now I find myself double-checking all the other dishes -- and, actually, you know what those eggs DO look a Iittle misogynistic undercooked!!!!
#original#queerbaiting#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#falin x marcille#marcille x falin#marcille donato#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi marcille#listen i like marcille but u r right she is basically there to be a wet blanket a LOT of the time and that is a sexist trope#i think the bar is super super low for female characters in adventure anime and the lack of constant ogling maybe makes the female#characters feel better written than they are. i mean falin basically has no personality. she's got an innocent heart but that's nothing.#and i think these conversations are worth having bc no piece of media is perfect and this is how we learn to do better#also like. I've seen media criticisms that make me go 'oh you straight up should reserve commentary bc you#haven't watched the show and you're wrong' or 'i see what you're saying but you are simply incorrect' but like#i don't think I'd tell someone to just NOT watch Hazbin Hotel bc they have a bad take - and certainly not bc they have accurately#pinpointed a real flaw about the show (of which there are more than a few but frankly not what became the biggest subject of Disc Horse)#Angel is actually an amazing character & i think people mistook a criticism on the way abuse is glamourized as actually glamourizing abuse#like his song about abuse is called Poison and he's trapped in an abusive performance contract - bringing to mind Britney Spears#i think it is a wildly triggering and painful scene but i think a lot of people took the pain it gave them to mean it was bad art#but tbh they are still allowed to eat at the table if they so choose!!!#sorry i got sidetracked - as an abuse survivor Angel just matters a lot to me. i have a couple serious criticisms of vivziepop's work but#Angel is very much not one of them#also in regards to the actual subject of this post i think the most audacity of the responses i got was the one that said#that by complaining about queerbaiting I was 'de-incentivizing writers to write any interaction b/t women that could look even a little gay#and I'm just like. good. I hope they stop writing entirely. if the takeaway from 'please don't sell me bread and then serve me crumbs' is#'WELL NOW I JUST WON'T BAKE ANY BREAD PRODUCT' then that person is a bad chef. they should find a different job.#or at least do a whole lot of work on themselves. but either way i wouldn't be too broken up to know i won't be getting any food from them.#'just leave then' is so obviously a gut reaction defense mechanism & it implies media criticism should only be for things you don't like
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ride-a-dromedary · 11 days
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I continue to think about an underdeveloped AU where Halsin was one of the potential new companions for Baldur's Gate 2 (and by continue to think about I mean the oven is preheated).
Because realistically it would have been 24-ish years before they Shadow Curse, which means he wouldn't have yet been Archdruid - would have been in his 220s about, so would have been out of his cynic phase (and likely post Underdark). He'd probably still be on the cusp of being young and idealistic enough that he'd come across a little more chipper and less even keeled/potentially more risky. His personality/disposition and alignment already seems to mesh pretty well with Minsc and Jaheira (in a way I can't quite describe but he's carried much like a BG1/2 era character), who are heavy returning hitters in BG2, so it would likely mean he'd conflict with companions like Korgan, Dorn, possibly Edwin, etc. He'd get along with Aerie (hearing about a "circus" but not experiencing one, then coming into play in BG3 like oh...OH) and Cernd and Mazzy (and Wilson, obviously), and I can see him coming around to Viconia after an initial icy and distrusting head to head.
It would have had to change how he reacted to BG in the third game if he had previously been there, but that's not a huge leap with some dialogue tweaking with less "first time shock" and more "can't believe this place has gotten worse, didn't think that was possible", but unlike Jaheira who begrudgingly grew to like the city after making it her home because it was her children's home (kinda...sorta...), he would have likely gotten right back out of there and held onto the viewpoint for 124 years, with nothing particularly to challenge that, and a particular wariness now of Reithwin's "little market town" turning into an entire city along with the other druids. So the contempt would be further informed by experience.
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the-best-bagel · 8 months
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ok final verdict tiger and bunny 2 is really good and a huge improvement on the og HOWEVER. lunatic's ending was bizzare rushed depressing and went against everything his arc was pointing to. like it felt like some hayes code contrived bullshit
#he did not have to die and thematically should not have died#like his whole arc was changing his view on heroism so why was the ending just his og stance taken to its logical conclusion#also i keep refering to lunatic w fem pronouns in my head lol girlie looks eggy#but yea her ending should have been changing to heroism for the sake of saving ppl rather than punishing them#and not punishing herself#like who thought having her kill herself bc the ghost of her abusive dead dad told her to was a good idea#also she should have transitioned and started going by luna bc thats fucking cute ty kotetsu#tbh i think her arc was planned to be longer but the writers realized they didnt have time for it so. sorry mentally ill abused girlie#ur killing urself#OUTSIDE of that though i liked everything else#could have used an extra episode or two though#suicide mention#i got emotional at the taibani end but my brain was chewing too hard on the lunatic stuff for it to actually hit#they shoulda been a trio#ACTUALLY one more thing kotetsu barely ever used his power he could absolutely keep being a hero without it#and we should have like had an afterwards where he like advocates for useless NEXT rights#or something#once again it feels like this show was made to explore way different things than it does#like its not built for the racism allegory sorry it just doesnt work well#theres an argument for it being disability/ neurodivergence but it really just felt like a race thing#also rip fire emblem lmao she got hit w every kind of discrimination in that universe#sucks shes an oil baron#tiger and bunny spoilers
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asaxophony · 2 months
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Legitimately confusing to still see artists and ppl recommending glaze/nightshade and acting like it's the end all be all when how effective both are is still kind of eeeeeh?
Glaze also tends to chew up and compress your images to the point ppl have to go back in and put filters over it. There also seems to be a really large misunderstanding on how Glaze functions, especially on this site.
Glaze changes a specific range of the art ran through it to be read by diffusion as a different style. Generally it's changing pixels and code within the image so ultimately it does end up changing the image, often adding visual noise in the form of swirls or giving it a crunchy compressed look. Depending on how far you run the art through Glaze it can come out looking like a badly compressed jpeg. Glaze does this using the same sort of AI tech. The end result occasionally needs to be run through filters to get it too not look shit. The ultimate goal of Glaze is if someone is training directly from your art, and it's all been ran through Glaze the person won't be able to get a solid style from it, so the images trained off of it will be off from your specific style and not able to replicate it believably. It does not prevent img2img.
Generally Glaze's adversal noise is now robust enough to not be easily edited or taken out by the ai bros, this definitely was not the case on its release. So definitely use it but just keep in mind how it functions and weigh the pros and cons of like it crunching art, and any art posted on the web has a chance of being scraped.
I've seen some arguments basically being like well its the equivalent of crunching you art down into shitty jpegs, no one is going to train off of something that looks like shit which is I think definitely like yeah art has the downside of ot having to be visually vlear and good looking g for it to function so you can ultimately only change it so much before it deviates too much from the artists original intent and vision.
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fragmentedblade · 7 months
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Fu Xuan calls March "young girl", which is understandable. But she also calls Chengjie "young man from the Artisanship Commission" and like... ma'am how old are you
#I know she is way older than she looks and given the lore she definitely isn't very young even for Xianzhou standards#Chengjie has been in the Artisanship Commission for two hundred years before we met him so he must be considerably older than that#This post really has no point other than to point this out because it's kind of funny#And it's clear that Fu Xuan is an adult woman but it makes her look ancient xD#Which tbh also makes sense. She definitely gives that air. She gives that air even to Qingque to some extent#Fu Xuan refers to Chengjie the same way Master Gongshu did‚ basically#You see her there and she talks to Chengjie as if he were a very young man. He is well over two hundred years#It's so funny and so... strange also compared to the other long-life species in the Xianzhou#Yukong is a mature woman. If it weren't for her lifespan‚ Fu Xuan would consider her a 'young girl'#I wonder if this strains the relationships between species somewhat#It seems it does. We see glimpses of that several times I think‚ like in the Poetic Genius Ingenium quest#The vidyadhara's love is always fresh and passionate and new and really can go on forever even if under different faces#But the Xianzhou native gets tired and drained and old#I don't know. I find this very interesting tbh. I understand them not being able to dwell on it for longer in the game#(longer than they already did) but it's so interesting to think about and how it could shape society in all its forms#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later
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devilsskettle · 2 years
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something i’ve been thinking about recently: kind of crazy how much my Type has changed since the pandemic started like my ex was So my Type and i was infatuated before the pandemic and now their Type hasn’t changed but i probably wouldn’t even look twice at them now, kind of insane
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neverendingford · 2 months
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#tag talk#watched “it follows” and I shouldn't have. didn't know it was horror going in but after a few minutes I did and I should have stopped#I'm apparently still not 100% past self-terrifying as a form of self harm. I knew I shouldn't have and I kept watching anyway#you know. most people don't know what terror is. they know fear. they know worry. they know anxiety.#terror is something different. I wish I could describe it but you really only know it when you have felt it.#that freezing up of your body. I guess some people get terror in different ways though. I freeze. others fight or flight. I just freeze.#that sense of helpless anticipation as you experience the certainty that the object of your terror is approaching. inevitably.#why fight it? you fucking can't. no matter what you do it'll always get you. it's stronger. more powerful.#hmmm. csa moment oops. I am tempted to make a joke here but I don't want to deflect from my issues.#I have trauma and I wish I didn't. I have hurt that I don't even consciously remember but my body does.#I do not have emotional trauma in the way that people have survivors guilt and feeling like it was their fault. any of those surface emotion#not calling it shallow. but like. it's like when you don't look at the needle and you don't even notice the skin prick but you feel it#you feel it hit your vein and you feel that deep body response that Something Is Not Right.#like when I got my wisdom teeth pulled and I elected to not go under for it so I was numbed but conscious for it.#part way through my body started uncontrollably shaking (well. sort of controlled. I'm good at that).#I didn't feel the pain. I wasn't afraid. but my body was feeling objective physical trauma and I had the response anyway.#I don't remember really. I don't have the surface level pain responses to the trauma.#but deep down my body knows something is wrong and I can't stop my bones from shaking even though I don't feel the pain.#hmmm. I should talk to my next therapist about this.#Lear chased off our last therapist when I was having my dissociative week after watching The Hunt.#which. tbh good riddance she was not equipped to handle us in the slightest. and we're talking to our friend/gf(?) again which is really nic#she and Lear had a few solid conversations too. which was funky cause before he snapped he didn't want anything to do with her#but we kinda had a moment where he realized he's just as fucked up as I am just differently.#anyone reading these tag talks might remember so I won't go over it again.#anyway. I'm not sleeping tonight. I think I should start taking the full pill instead of just the half. but it's just suppressing symptoms#I'm acting up because of my inner state. or maybe my inner state is tumultuous because of my outer condition? idfk#either way I'm suffering over here#not a sui risk but damn#I'm gonna finish patching the pair of pants I've been not working on for the past months
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sinterblackwell · 1 year
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i have very mixed feelings on the a time to rise short stories in the interlude: cavatina anthology because i don’t really know what the the author’s trying to tell me with alain & christoph when luca is right there
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hoejosatoru · 1 year
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A quick lil Hantengu/Karaku pussy eating smut bc I need him bad 🧍🏻‍♀️(you could apply this to any of the clones tbh you do you)
Warnings: pussy eating, degradation, not non con but reader is a little scared at first, squirting,a demon is eating your pussy idk what else to tell you. This might be the nasty pussy eating fic I’ve ever written MDNI
You knew the second you saw a humanoid shape moving in the shadows you were fucked. Taking this short cut home through woods had always been a risk and your luck had run out. You knew it was demon before he even stepped out into the moonlight by the ways the hairs on the back of your neck stood up.
“Well, what do we have here?” A sickly sweet voice asked. The demon stepped out from the shadows, tall, muscular and horned. You’d never seen a demon before in real life. You weren’t a slayer, just another villager. There was instinctually fear in having this predator before you, but something else just below the surface. He was… alluring. Handsome when he should be grotesque. You felt sick in the head for thinking so.
The demon was suddenly before you, stunning you with his speed. “You’re a shy thing, are you?” He was walked around your body, sizing you up. Your hear hammered in your chest. He licked his lips. “The pretty ones always are.”
When you looked in his eyes, your blood went cold. His pupils read “upper rank 4.” Even with you limited knowledge of demons, you knew an upper rank was the most dangerous of them all. Your body shook with fear. “Please don’t hurt me,” you blurted out helplessly.
Surprisingly, he chuckled. “Who said I wanted to hurt you?” You flinched slight as he ran a finger along your cheek. “Pretty thing like you would be a waste to kill.” He leaned in, his lips ghosting over your ear. “Besides, I’m hungry for something else tonight.”
Your body shivered, though for an entirely different reason. It felt so wrong to respond to a demon in this way. Your cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “I-I don’t know what you mean.”
In a flash you were on the ground, the demon on top of you. “P-please don’t!” You cried. You weren’t sure what he wanted to do to you, though the look in his eyes gave you a hint.
“Told you I’m not gonna hurt you,” he kicked a stripe up your neck, making you gasp. His hands were pinning down your wrist to stop you from squirming - though you weren’t putting up much of a fight. “I’m going to make you feel good. Pleasure you.”
He stuck his tongue out again and you caught a glimpse of the kanji for “pleasure” tattooed on it. Heat pooled between your legs at the sinful sight. “B-but you’re a demon. It’s wrong.” You stumbled over your words as he sucked at your neck, right over your jugular.
He let out a dry laugh. “Don’t act like you’re not aroused, I can smell it from here.” Your face went bright red, which only made him laugh more. “You humans, so virtuous.” His hands were between your legs, rubbing at your throbbing core over your underwear. “I’m going to devour you.”
You gasped as he ripped your underwear off, exposing your pussy to the his eyes and the cold night air. He was no longer holding you down but you did run from him. Not just because it was pointless, but because, fuck, your pussy was aching and you wanted him to fix it. You were sick with shame and desire.
“My name is Karaku,” the demon said, slotting himself between your legs, “I want to hear you scream it when you cum on my tongue.” You bit your lip, watching him with anxious anticipation. He licked a stripe up your pussy, letting your arousal coat his tongue. “Mmm, fucking soaked. And all for a demon? You’re not as innocent as you act.”
He did just a he said: he devoured you. His mouth moved against with speed and force that you didn’t even know was possible. Well, maybe it wasn’t for human men, but for him it was. He sucked hard on your clit, before grazing his teeth over it, loving how your whole body jumped.
Karaku pressed his tongue into your tight, sopping pussy. He wriggled his tongue inside you and it was the most sinful and pleasurable thing you ever felt. “Fuck,” you whined as he pulled away. He watched your pussy clench around nothing, driving him wild.
“Pussy fucking begging for me. What a dirty girl you are,” he purred. His hands dug into your plush thigh to keep you spread open for him. His nails threatening to cut your skin.
His mouth returned to your wet heat, though less intensely. He wanted to drag it out, to tease you. He circled his tongue around your hole, never dipped in like he knew you wanted. He switched between teasing your hole and sucking on your click, turning you into a whimpering miss.
“Please!” You cried, your need damn near painful. Your whole body was pulsing for him, you didn’t even care how wrong it was. The demon just laughed at you. You were desire over-rid your fear. You went to grip his hair, but your hands wrapped around the solid horns on his forehead instead. You used the grip as leverage grinding into his face.
Karaku let out a deep, feral moan. “Look at you fucking my face. A demons face. You’re sick for wanting me. Nasty fuckin’ slut,” his words were so dirty, but laced with desire. It only made you more desperate for release.
Karaku could easily have stopped you from fucking his face, but he didn’t want to. He loved being buried in your pussy, his tongue fucking you, tasting you. You were sweeter than most humans.
“Karaku,” you whimpered as you bucked your hips against his face. Your were so close; each time his nose nudged your clit pleasure pulsed through you.
“That’s it. Cum on my fucking tongue,” he demanded. He pressed his tongue impossibly deeper into you.
“Karaku fuck!” You cried out as the coil in your stomach snapped. The pleasure you felt was white-hot, more intense than anything you’d ever felt. You squirmed and moaned as he licked you through your orgasm. You were gasping, tearing in your eyes. It was so good it almost hurt.
His tongue flicked relentlessly over your overly sensitive clit. Suddenly your body shuddered, overcome by another wave of ecstasy as you squirted all over his face.
“Oh, fuck you’re dirty,” karaku purred, lapping up every last bit of your release. He finally pulled away, his face glistening with your release in the moonlight. As you caught your breath and came down from your high, fear and shame crept back in. What did you just do?
You tried to scramble away, but Karaku grabbed you by the ankle, pulling you back to him. “Oh, you’re not going anywhere. I’m taking you back to my brothers and we are going to have some fun.”
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three times hyunjin wanted to kiss you plus the one time he finally did | h.h.j
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pairing... bsf!hyunjin x gn!reader tags... best friends to lovers, "unrequited" love, fluff, 3+1 prompt
hyunjin really, really wants to kiss you. but he can't, because that's not what best friends do.
wc... 1.4k words a/n... was supposed to have class today but there was a really bad storm so i whipped this up during my newfound free time <3 this is longer than i planned it to be tbh
⋆。゚☁︎。⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆
ɞ° ‧₊˚ ◡̈° ONE
Hyunjin was bored to death. He had done nothing all day except use his phone, watch tv, use his phone, pretend to work on his laptop, and use his phone. Now, here he was, lounging on his couch, tapping away on his phone and looking for food to order.
He contemplated texting you, his best friend, but decided against it, thinking you were probably busy.
Right as he was about to pay for his food, Hyunjin's phone buzzed and a notification popped up. his eyes lit up, realizing it was a message from you.
y/n <3: hyun! y/n <3: are you busy?
Typing as if his life depended on it, Hyunjin quickly replied.
hyunjinnie: nah hyunjinnie: i was about to order dinner tho y/n <3: do you want mcdonald's? was thinking i could pick u up and we can get drive-thru
Ah, times like this, Hyunjin really just wanted to give you a big fat kiss. You were always spoiling him, after all.
hyunjinnie: YES PLEASE!!!! hyunjinnie: maybe we could watch a movie after too hyunjinnie: i mean, only if you want
He was nervous. He's invited you over many times before, but not since he realized that he was maybe, kind of, sort of in love with you.
y/n <3: definitely!!! sounds like a plan <3 i'll be there in 15
And just like that, Hyunjin's smiling like an idiot. Words can't explain how excited he was to see your face, to smell your perfume, and to hear your voice. And if his eyes trailed from your eyes to your lips, that was his business and his alone.
ɞ° ‧₊˚ ◡̈° TWO
Fifteen minutes had never felt longer. Hyunjin was anxiously waiting for you to arrive, eyes darting between his phone and the clock on the wall. Were you purposely driving slow to make him crazy?
As if on cue, you knocked on his front door, making him jump up off the couch in excitement. He slid his phone into his pocket, grabbed his wallet and keys, and walked over to the entrance of his apartment.
When he opened the door, you were greeted with a huge smile and a big, warm hug.
"Hi! i missed you," Hyunjin said, though it was muffled due to the fact that his face was buried in your hair. You giggled at his affection and replied, "We just saw each other last week!"
"I know, I still missed you, though." Smiling sheepishly, he let go of you and closed the door to his apartment. He took your hand and pulled you towards the elevator. "Come on. I'm starving."
×
After a long wait at McDonald's, you finally paid and got your food. Pulling out of the drive-thru, you began your drive back to Hyunjin's house.
"No way, I've been scammed!" Hyunjin gasps dramatically, raising his hand to his forehead and slumping in his seat. "They only gave me five nuggets when i ordered six. I'm legally obligated to one more!!!"
"What? No way." you quickly peeked inside the box Hyunjin was holding, seeing that there were, in fact, only five nuggets. "Alright, we're going back there."
Surprised, Hyunjin sat up and stared at you. "Wait, huh? No, Y/n- I was just kidding. It's just one nugget difference. It isn't a big deal, let's just go home."
"Don't be crazy, Hyun. you paid for six nuggets, and you're getting those six nuggets." The look on your face was one of pure determination. Your brows were furrowed, your eyes focused on the road, and your lips—god, your lips—looked so pretty and soft. 'Perhaps,' Hyunjin thought, 'I should repay Y/n for all the trouble with a kiss.'
ɞ° ‧₊˚ ◡̈° THREE
Hyunjin's heart was beating a mile a minute. The two of you had chosen to watch a horror movie after eating dinner, which was a bad idea considering you both hated them. But the reason for his pacing heartbeat wasn't the movie, no, it was you.
You were sitting next to him on the couch, huddled under the blanket. Your legs were touching his, your hands were clutching his arm, and your neck was resting on his shoulder. He wasn't even paying attention to the movie anymore, not when you were this close to him. Not even the jumpscares affected him. He was far too focused on how your grip around his arm would tighten, how you would try to scooch even closer to him, how you would hide your face in his neck.
After the movie ended, the two of you stayed in your position on the couch, too comfortable to move. Hyunjin had his arm around your shoulders, keeping you safe in his grasp. You were telling him about your past few days, eyes lighting up as you recalled your happy memories. The corners of your lips perked up when you talked, pulling your cheeks higher and bringing your eyes to a crinkle.
You looked so pretty in his arms, Hyunjin swears he could just lean in and kiss you right then and there. But he doesn't, because that's not what best friends do.
ɞ° ‧₊˚ ◡̈° PLUS ONE
The stars were twinkling in the midnight sky. It was late and you were too scared to drive yourself home, claiming that the horror movie "changed your brain chemistry." So, like any good best friend would do, Hyunjin invited you to spend the night. In his bed.
"Are you sure, Hyun? I'm perfectly happy sleeping on the couch." You were standing by his bedroom door, watching him pull out your favorite hoodies of his. He walked to you with a soft smile, handing you the hoodie so you could change into something more comfortable than your old (and probably a size too small) t-shirt. "Oh come on, it's fine. I'm the one who asked you to stay over, anyway. It's only right that you take the bed and I take the couch."
Reluctantly accepting the hoodie from his hands, you sigh. "Okay, okay. I'll sleep on your bed. But! Only if you stay here with me."
A deep blush crept onto Hyunjin's cheeks at your request, but still, he gave in and nodded. "Sure, anything for you, Y/n."
×
It was a long, nearly sleepless night. Beside Hyunjin, you slept peacefully, lying on your side and facing him. He spent many hours staring up at his ceiling, silently cursing and thanking god at the same time for putting him in this situation.
Don't get him wrong, Hyunjin was so glad to have you with him in his bed, but he was so anxious that he'd make you uncomfortable. Were you okay sleeping while facing each other? Was he hogging too much of the blanket? Was he too close to you?
Eventually, these thoughts subsided and Hyunjin finally fell asleep. After a couple hours of rest, the sun started to seep through the curtains, filling the room with soft rays of light. Opening his eyes once again, Hyunjin was delighted to be greeted by your face in front of his.
You were so beautiful. Hyunjin admired the way your plump lips still curved into a small smile despite being asleep. Your hair was covering your eyes, so he slowly reached his hand to your forehead, gently brushing the stray pieces behind your ear. His hand hovered there as he thought to himself, 'I could just kiss them, right now. No one has to know.' Shaking the thought away, he brought his hand back down to his side, choosing to continue admiring your beauty instead.
"Are you going to keep staring, or are you going to kiss me?" you whispered, eyes slowly opening. "I mean, if you won't do it, I will,"
Hyunjin's mouth dropped open. Did he hear you correctly?
You giggled at his reaction, bringing your hand to his cheek. He immediately leaned into your touch. "Last chance, Hyun."
This is it, he was gonna do it. He was going to kiss you. Closing his eyes, Hyunjin leaned in and pressed his lips against yours. It was everything. He could've sworn he felt fireworks explode in his chest. He placed his hand on the small of your back, bringing your bodies together. You moved the hand on his cheek to the hair at his nape, playing with the soft strands.
Pulling away, Hyunjin took a deep breath and opened his eyes. You both smiled at each other, happy in each other's arms. "Finally. You don't know how long I've wanted to do that."
"Took you long enough," you laughed. "I was so sure you'd kiss me after the movie. I was waiting all night."
Hyunjin chuckled and leaned in for another kiss. God, he could get used to this. "Had I known you wanted me to kiss you, I wouldn't have waited for a single second."
⋆。゚☁︎。⋆。 ゚☾ ゚。⋆
comments, reblogs, and feedback are appreciated! © like-a-diamondinthesky 2023
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punkitt-is-here · 10 months
Note
Sorry to set discourse on your doorstep, but I’m curious: How do you feel about genderbending characters? I’ve seen some people say it’s transphobic but tbh I’m not totally sure if I agree. What do you think, if you don’t mind my asking?
Genuinely don't think gender bending is transphobic and I think coming at the idea of gender bending in the most bad faith way possible is the only way u can really say it's transphobic. Gender bending characters is like....a time honored tradition among fans and it's fun to design someone with the opposite presentation in mind. Like, what stays the same? What changes? How can I keep this recognizable while still showing the character is different in some way or another? These are fun design ideas and goals and it's only if you rigidly subscribe to the idea that gender and sex are the same does that become an issue. like, I guess I can see how it can potentially be transphobic, but like? I feel like it does far more good in terms of making people wonder about gender expression and playing with it? Like, does my Big Macintosh comic count as gender bending? I took a pre-established character and designed her to be a trans woman, and I thought about what that might look like should the character go in that direction. And I've gotten tons and tons of heartwarming comments talking about how much that comic helped them! I'm a trans person, I think we should be doing more fun play with gender and shit.
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umeji-writes · 7 months
Text
Okay, but let's talk for a second about accessibility in M!IK's Netherworld. First of all, I love, LOVE, that the characters in this manga are so heterogeneous in size and shape. I mean, look at MeiMei, they're as big as one of Amduscias's foot, and still taken very seriously :')
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Tbh it kinda makes most other series look pretty boring - and I like it this way, the real world is heterogeneous and media should be to (imo). With that said, different shapes can be treated very differently, right? Say, think about making fat people pay for a bigger seat instead of making bigger seats where everyone is more comfy... Weird right? Specifically this panels really hit me:
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It low-key sent me into a spiral, not gonna lie. "So, we are literal demons and technically we live in a ruthless world, but also we think about the needs of everybody and accomodate accordingly, because why wouldn't we" And that's not it! For instance, not all demons have tails, but all Babyls uniforms have holes for them, and who doesn't have one simply carries on with their life. (Also, the freedom to customize them... Top notch. And you can mix and match like Opera did, or wear a different one like Azz and Ameri, so no real binarism either ♡)
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Honestly, if this is how the Netherworld is, I may just start to summon random demons and ask to be brought there, it's worth a chance if you ask me
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writingmeraki · 1 year
Text
hot & cold I
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READ PART TWO HERE !
a min ho mini series !
summary : Feeling the warm butterflies in your stomach as well as the cold sinking feeling in your heart wasn't the best especially just because of one person nonetheless you think it was worse because that person was none other than the guy you apparently hated with your entire existence.
( or you long crossed the blurry lines of love and hate when it came to Minho and were both just idiotic enough to not realise that until you had to force it out of yourself because of your stupidity.)
genre : angst, fluff, comfort !
pairing : minho x fem!reader, e2l, idiots to lovers.
warnings : mentions of alcohol and underage drinking, kissing and making out, cussing. both being dumb and too high on their ego. kinda blame it on Minho in this one I fear 😨
author's note : and as my obsession goes crazy, I knew I had to write a miniseries on Minho. I honestly have no idea how long it can be this time, it'll mostly depend on your feedback but also how long I make this but expect 2-3 parts more ?? this was written out of nowhere tbh because I had a really different idea for this. anyways enjoy and let me know what you think ! <3 ( not proofread as usual, we die like real men 😀)
based on this request !
word count : 4.3k
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"Maybe you should put that down now."
Kitty said, observing the way you tipped down the cocktail, be it a secret yet not secret alcoholic one.
You winced and shook your head as you smashed the glass down after, Kitty having to shoot an apologetic look to the temporary bartender, who wanted nothing more than to be anywhere else but a party of drunk and horny teenagers sneaking in alcohol and downing it as though they were going through all stages of grief at the moment or in moments of classical teenage stupidity.
"Oh- KAY! I think that's more than enough." She pulled your hands away from the other cocktail that was served up,despite this one now being the only non-alcoholic, she felt it was getting a lot and you whined at her, she narrowed her eyes at you.
"Y/N, you've had more than enough."
"Noooo, I'm fine I can handle ittt." Your words slurred and she gave you a blank stare, holding up two fingers, she asked
"Okay then, how many fingers I am holding up?"
You narrowed your eyes, trying to think hard and giggled as you spoke
"Kitty, Katty since when did you have six fingers?" A drunken smile sat on your face as you leaned forward pointing your finger to count the 'six' fingers.
You vision was blurry but you were still able to make out the outline of what was in front of you.
Kitty rolled her eyes and sighed softly "How much did you even have?"
You put up both your hands, all fingers up and her eyes widened almost comically, it only made you giggle at her expressions,
"TEN? please tell me TEN sips!"
"Nooo silly, of course not…it was just three glasses with that sercret ingredient." You whispered to her as you leaned in closer as though you were telling a top secret and in a way it was, your lips were turned upwards, dimples lightly peaking.
"Alright, we have to get you back to the dorms then! Let me call Q and Florian, then we'll go okay? You stay here. Don't move Y/N!" She pointed at you, her words strict but you couldn't think about anything other than how pretty she seemed at the moment, so without much thought you blurted out,
"You look so pretty, Kit, you really do." Your eyes were half closed but you could see her wearing a tight black dress, her hair done down and straight, her black heels only making her figure look leaner.
Kitty, despite knowing you were drunk, couldn't help but laugh at your words, she shook her head and told you one last time before disappearing to find Q and Florian as soon as she could.
Looking up, the ceiling was multicolored, flashes of blue and green danced across it and you looked in awe as if it was a piece of art.
You looked around you, noticing the way the entire place seemed to be overcrowded but people were having fun, either getting shit drunk or dancing as if it was their last time.
Welcome to your life
There's no turning back
Even while we sleep
We will find you
You smiled when you heard the familiar tune and lyrics, having hearing it from your roommate and also ended up falling in love with it, the beat was slightly altered to make it more party pop but it only made it more better.
Standing up and stumbling slightly as you made your way to the dance floor, the world looking like it was moving fast as you also moved your body along to the crowd.
You felt as though you'd been hit so hard when you ended up colliding harshly into the person and you braced yourself for the fall, feeling as if you're flying high to come crashing hard into the ground.
Acting on your best behaviour
Turn your back on mother nature
Everybody wants to rule the world
And as cliche as it could get, you didn't feel the crash instead a stronger grip on your waist pulled you back up as the side face instead hit something soft yet firm.
You looked up and you felt the same awe when you saw the multicolored ceiling as though it was a piece of art, maybe even more, as your eyes scanned his face.
It's my own design
It's my own remorse
Help me to decide
Help me make the most
Colours shone on his face, highlighting his sharp jawline that you felt yourself get lost in, you continued to scan the bridge of his nose and his cupid's bow. You looked into his eyes and only felt your haziness increase as you felt the tug in your heart. They seemed to drink you in as you did him, and your gaze turned to the way one corner of his lips turned upwards.
The arm around your waist felt warmer than it should and you definitely felt the heat on your face, your entire body even. Your knees felt more weaker as you prayed your legs didn't give up on you, and with this the grip on your waist only got tighter.
Minho looked down at you, his gaze never leaving your face as he held you up. Staring at your lips for a little longer than he should have. The fact that he felt as if there were sparks of electricity running through just by the waist around your arm and most of your body weight on his, made him only want more. More than he should be wanting.
And again, letting your intrusive thoughts take the wheel of your actions, you lifted up one hand and brushed it along his jawline.
"Ouch…paper cut." Giggling at your ridiculous joke, you rested your head on his shoulder now, moving your arms around his broad shoulders.
Naturally, his own arms now fully wrapped around your waist and if someone, which more than a few heads turned, saw you in this position, it'd look more intimate than it should. Considering how far down you both go.
Minho smiled unknowingly, the sound of your giggles always making his heart race more than it should.
"I know you're clumsy as fuck, but I didn't think you'd fall for me this soon, I guess it would happen soon anyways considering how intelligent and good looking I am."
Your eyes moved to look up into his, noticing his lips pulled into a smirk that really only did more things unbeknownst to you,and you narrowed them before slurring out,
"You sound exactly like Minho, I actually thought it was almost you." You continued mumbling,
"But I know it's definitely not him, considering he was already busy with that…Madison." You rolled your eyes, slowly shutting them and you pushed your head back down onto his shoulders and moved closer to the crook of his neck, craving the warmth he radiated.
"Plus I'm sure he'd let me fall face first on the ground if I fell on him the way I just did." You mumbled into his neck, he felt himself control the shiver that run down his spine when your lips touched his neck as you mumbled.
Frowning, he spoke up, wanting to defend himself even if it seemed pointless,
"No, he wouldn't." He said firmly and you looked up at him as you thought of his words,
"Considering how we are, I don't think I'm wrong to assume he'd do that." Even though you were drunk, you spoke the words more smoothly as if it was a whole truth.
"Besides I don't even care what he does, he can go kiss that…that girl for all I care, no I definitely don't care if he does this with her, if he looks at her like that way."
Minho's expression turned down, his eyebrows furrowing and his lips pulled into a frown,
"What way?" He asked softly as he could see your eyes tearing up and you gulped sadly and you put on a dejected smile,
"How I wish, I wish he'd look at me, for once." You said more gently, whispering letting your vulnerable feelings speak up.
He only felt his heart sinking the more he took in the sadness and vulnerability showing on your face, he felt his guilt double than it had before as he recalled why he'd even been making out with Madison in the first place.
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He'd felt his entire focus zone in on the person who'd just walk in the place.
Even as much as he seemed to hate your mere presence, his eyes always seemed to drift towards you much to his annoyance.
His gaze felt heavy as it dragged from the shoes you'd worn to the hairstyle you'd done. Your outfit consisted of a maroon tight dress that had ended just below your knees, a teasing slit running just a little further up your left side, just enough to make someone want to see more.
Your lips were a similar shade of maroon as you smiled, depths forming on your cheeks that tugged at his heart, your hair done down and resting just below your shoulders.
You looked…you looked better than he could even describe.
Beautiful would be a word, but he thinks it underwhelms you.
Kitty was beside you in her black dress and her hair done down but his eyes couldn't stop drinking you in as if it was not enough for him.
He wanted something he shouldn't. He shouldn't be thinking about you right now the way he is.
He forced himself to look away, searching for someone else in the crowd.
He looked better than he should and you hated the way your eyes moved to the dip between his throat and shirt.
Gosh that's such an ugly fucking colour you thought yet you felt fainter as your eyes scanned the way his hair was parted, something you knew only he could pull off. Some loose strands sat on his forehead and you hated the way you felt your legs almost give up in these tight heels as you took in the way the blazer fit his broad shoulders.
Fuck he looked good.
You looked at him, observing him scanning the crowd as he disappeared away.
"Let's get this party started!" Kitty said excitedly to which you lightly laughed,
"Kitty it's already started, we are already like forty minutes late because of a certain someone but sure! Love the enthusiasm! Woo!" You chuckled as you saw her excitement bubble down and then laughing along with you.
"Let's go then girls! The best place at a party, the bar!" Q threw his arms around both your shoulders as he sloshed himself between you, now pulling you towards the bar.
The bartender served up five mocktails which you thought were too beautiful looking to be drank but you raised a toast,
"Here's to meeting new people and ending our bitchless eras!" You toasted as you giggled which was followed by the rest clinking their respective glasses onto yours as you took a sip.
"Guys,I have something." Florian spoke as he pulled a flask from his blazer and your eyes widened at the sight, knowing what it was.
"Oh My God! No way… now you're the real one for this." You said as he winked at you and opened the flask, the smell already indicating what it was as he poured in a bit into yours and his.
"Ohh me too! Me too!" Kitty said as she pushed her glass towards him and he poured in hers as well.
"The last for the best." Florian spoke as he poured it in Q's drink which made him look away and you smirked as you saw him almost blush.
"Now this is a real toast." You finally clinked your drinks for the last time, now taking in a sip, wincing yet loving the bitter taste that contrasted well with the sweetness of the cocktail.
"By the way, Y/N, I don't think you're ever going to be able to meet new people." Kitty spoke which made you turn to her in confusion.
"I mean come on, you won't be able to meet new people because you already are into someone." She continued and now looked towards Q, him nodding in agreement as you still looked in confusion.
"Oh please, don't look like a lost puppy now, we all saw the way you basically bore your eyes into Min ho as soon as you saw him like a hungry vulture or something." Q said which made Florian chuckle and you only glared at his words as though looks could kill.
"You don't plan a murder out loud now do you?" You defended yourself as Kitty rolled her eyes,
"More like you'd kill anyone who'd dare even hurt a fraction of his hair." Kitty said to which now both Florian and Q nodded, feeling betrayal as you looked at Florian, thinking he'd been on your side to which he only raised his hands in his defense.
"Look, Y/N, maybe you don't see it, but you definitely go past the so called hate line you both have." He said as he knew you surely felt more for him than the passive aggressive persona you showed when he was around.
"After all they do say the lines between love and hate tend to blur." Kitty said as she took a sip of her drink and you only scoffed, ready to reply saying you knew where you stood and you were gladly under the hate side, despising Min ho because of his unbearable personality that would make you so mad.
So mad you'd want to punch his pretty face at times.
"Uh oh." Q said suddenly as his eyes caught a sight that he wished wouldn't have but they quickly widened when he realised you were literally right next to him and probably heard him.
Naturally your eyes moved to where he was looking, and oh how you wished you also didn't see what you just saw but for completely different reasons that you couldn't put a finger on at the time being.
Minho stood next to Madison as he whispered something into her ears, which made her laugh, you saw the way his arm was wrapped around her waist, hiding her close to him.
You felt like throwing up as your stomach recoil and churn, moving your eyes, not wanting to think more of this than you should. But it seemed as though it was impossible as the image replayed in your mind.
You felt the tension in the air when your face twisted bitterly, noticing your friends also tensing up and felt guilty for suddenly changing the cheerful mood.
"Guys come one now, I don't care, now go and have fun!" You reassured them as they looked at you skeptically.
"Listen, he can go and fuck around with whoever he wants, I really don't care. We shouldn't let this ruin our moods. Now go." You bit on your tongue as put on a tight smile, no usual dimples peaking, a sign it was fake.
Hearing the firmer tone at the end, Q and Florian nodded as they held hands "Okay then, find us when you need us okay?"
Q said as you just mindlessly nodded and they also moved into the flow of the crowd.
Kitty still looked at you skeptically but you just smiled at her, now a genuine one telling her to go on and finish her agenda of meeting new people.
At least one of you seemed ready to move on.
"Thank you." You heard a voice suddenly speak up from beside you as you sat nursing the cocktail in your hands, it's coolness relieving the warmth your body felt.
"Oh someone with manners, I like that." You said putting down your drink, deciding that if he can fuck around when he wants, who were you to not as well.
The guy next to you turns towards you, him taking in your figure, a smirk forming on his face as he realised who you were.
"I'm Geon." He said to which you smiled.
"Y/N." You spoke up to which he chuckled which made you a bit confused,
"Oh I know." You raised an eyebrow at his words,
"It's an honor to have the hottest girl here talking to me." He said with a grin as you then lifted your drink to take another sip, after which you giggled at his words, even though you didn't think you would have even been phased if it weren't for the alcohol now slowly flowing in your system.
"Oh yeah? Tell me more." You leaned in closer to him with a smug smile, biting your lip lightly to which you think again, this probably wouldn't be happening right now if it weren't for the liquid courage or your mess of an emotional baggage.
This whole spectacle was being seen by someone who'd otherwise think you were both already together. He rolled his eyes, looking away as he clicked his tongue, folding his arms and a scowl of both disgust and jealousy forming on his face.
Of course.
He thought looking back at the pair of Geon and you.
"I think she's better than all the other girls, even Yuri, people say she's the prettiest but don't realize that they are wrong. And Kitty next to you looks so underwhelming but both of them are nothing but plain next to you."
And despite you starting to feel more tipsy, you controlled the urge to just flip him off.
Instead you leaned in closer, raising one hand and cupping his face, bringing your face near his ear, as though you'd whisper about how he was definitely right, a light smile forming on his face.
That's what he thought at least.
Chuckling lowly, you whispered sweetly,
"You know sweety, what type of men I absolutely despise?"
You briefly made eye contact with him when he looked down at you from the corner of his eye.
"The ones who bring women down in hopes of getting into my pants and thinking that will actually work."
You trailed your hand down his neck, fingers lightly touching, he gulped as he shivered under your touch, the grin forming on his face long gone when he heard the venom lacing your tone.
"Let alone the fact that they are my best friends, and trust me, if I wanted to I'd punch the shit out of you right now but,listen to me carefully."
You rested your hand on his collarbone,
"No girl is meant for your judging pleasure especially not for undeserving dickheads like you and if you dare talk to me again, trust me, I can do much worse than you can think."
You leaned back and patted his chest, grinning widely, but your eyes said a completely different story.
"Now. Fuck off."
And fuck off he did as he swallowed nervously, turning around and moving into the crazy crowd,mumbling something under his breath, you not really caring to pay attention to his words as you sighed out, rubbing your forehead with your fingers.
Men are nothing but disappointment, what did I even expect ?
"Hey guess what!- what happened to you?" Kitty said as she suddenly appeared from your right side making you surprised but you smiled at her reassuringly, not wanting her to know what that jerk said for obvious reasons.
"Oh it's nothing, it's getting noisy that's all." Kitty didn't seem convinced at all because she did spot you talking to Geon, not wanting to interrupt when he saw you whispering something to him,
Huh so she really was serious about the whole meeting new people thing?
But when he walked away looking a little paler, she figured it was not exactly what it looked like, deciding that she should intervene now.
"Oh-kay but you know what, I just…" You now looked forward your back facing the bar as you placed your elbows on the counter, leaning onto them, raising an eyebrow at her for her to continue,
"I am glad I came here, I'm glad we all did, I'm happy, for once and it feels so…so good to be happy with you guys who I didn't think would even be my friends."
She said smiling at you, her sitting down next to your stool, and you turned your neck, looking at her now,
You smiled, finally a genuine one and it showed when your dimples showed,
"I'm glad I met you guys as well." You told her and just as she was about to say something, her eyes trailed towards your left, narrowing to make sure she was seeing right.
She froze when she saw you look at her, naturally wanting to see what made her look the way she was looking right now.
"Uh! Well look you know I'm happy you…uh well you agreed to come here!" She pulled your shoulders a little forcefully, the rotating barstool moving and making you now face her.
You looked perplexed at her behaviour, especially how she almost knocked you out but she just smiled at you, a little too forcefully.
"I just think you should know you deserve better than you think and even if it's not-"
"Kitty."
You called out to her, stopping her rambling, moving your hands up from off your shoulders.
"What's got you so…so nervous all of a sudden?" You questioned seeing her eyes still fixated behind you, her hand stopping you again from turning around.
"I just don't think you should see this. Really." She swallowed nervously and you waved her off,
"It's not that deep Kitty chill." You said but how you wished you'd listen to her.
You went rigid, seeing the sight now in front of you and clenched your jaw.
There was Minho in all his glory, kissing, no more like passionately making out with none other than Madison.
He had his arms around her waist as she played with his hair, and you could see her smile into the kiss. His mouth moved from her lips to her jawline and you watched her giggle as he seemed to be whispering something that made her laugh only more.
Fuck.
Why did it feel like someone just ripped your heart out and smashed it right in front of you with their bare hands?
You turned towards the bar, squeezing your eyes shut, holding your head in your hands as you felt the pounding in it get harder.
You gulped harshly trying to squeeze the image out of your brain,
"Y/N." Kitty put her hand on your shoulder, her warm touch contrasting the coldness you felt.
"Ah, I should have listened to you." You laughed but it held no humour. You could feel your emotions go all over the place as you replayed everything you'd seen till now.
Both of them laughing together, him looking at her as if she was the only on there, him focusing on her as if she was the only one there, him making out with her as if she'd slip away from his hands.
"You know what maybe I just need a little drink." You raised your hand up calling for the bartender and asking for two cocktails.
You put your hand out to Kitty expectedly, her frowning at the way you tried to act as if it was all right but she could see the unshed tears on your lash line.
Before she could say anything, you asked her quickly,
"Where's that whisky Florian gave you?" Talking about the flask she'd been hiding in her purse that was given to her by Florian.
"Y/N, you can't just drink away your emotions like this, you can't even handle alcohol-"
"Kitty, I'll be fine, just…just give it to me please?"
She sighed, she knew about your tendency to avoid talking about your feelings. She just opened up her purse and removed the flask just as the bartender served the drinks.
You took it from her and poured a questionable amount but you didn't really care at the moment, wanting to feel the high rather than the heaviness you currently felt creeping in your chest.
Raising a toast to yourself, you grinned up at Kitty, a sorrowness that only made her feel more and more sympathic for you.
"Here's to the most unluckiest person at the moment, me!"
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That was now half an hour ago, and here you were now wrapped tightly around the very person who'd made you feel miserable in the first place.
"You know it's not even his fault. We don't even like each other. I'm pretty sure he hates me but why the fuck does it hurt so bad?" You whined as you pulled away from the supposed stranger's, attractive one at least, body and stood up on your own.
You pushed his arms away from you and you almost stumbles but held one hand out when he tried to hold you again to prevent you from falling,
"Y/N you'll fall-"
"No, I'm fine, I swear. I don't even know why I just dumped that weird emotional baggage onto you, sorry."
"Thank you anyways, for you know saving me from breaking my own face right there, if you want me to repay you, just come to Chemistry class first period on Monday!"
You stepped away from him and trying to not cry because no matter how drunk you were you didn't want to cry over some stupid boy.
Minho stood there, his eyes downcast as he remembered the look on your face, he ran a hand through his hair, exhaling heavily.
How do I even begin ?
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READ PART TWO HERE !
all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri.do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.
writingmeraki Ⓒ 2023
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catboybiologist · 4 months
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Be honest: do you think there are femboys who aren't just eggs?
Yes, and tbh I resent that their existence is questioned so much. And I know this is gonna be considered a Bad Take by many people I've fostered a community with, so uh. Yeah.
As a former femboy, and current dykey/tomboyish trans woman, gender nonconformity within your actual gender is an essential part of a trans or genderqueer identity. In a lot of ways, my transition goals are the inverse of being a femboy- I'm going from a feminine man to a masculine woman. And yet, the trans community doesn't question my feminimity as a masculine woman in the same places where many people would question the masculinity of a feminine man. And don't even get me started on where NB identities fit into all of this. This is largely coming from the same place where people are okay with women wearing pants, but men or AMABs in general wearing skirts is Bad (tm).
Like don't get me wrong. The caricature of the Bad Trans pushing all the femboys to become eggs is a wildly overexaggerated, and I've met many, many femboys online that used that caricature to excuse rampant transphobia. But. I hate that there's a but. But.... I literally experienced it myself many times during my femboy days, especially online. Here's a short list:
-Had a transmed bombard me with harassing messages and comments on reddit telling me that I was a "fencesitter" and I just needed to "fucking transition already and stop making trans people look bad"
-Had a trans woman I knew irl shove an estradiol pill in my face, and try to order me to take it, in front of a group of people I wasn't even fully comfortable presenting as a femboy to, until she was eventually asked by someone else to stop.
-Had several comments indicating that I should be force femmed in femboy subreddits
-Had many, many DMs trying to tell me I was a "failed man" that should just transition already
And to clarify- all of this is so, so mild compared to transphobia that myself and others face. But it is a very real thing that happens. To many femboys, I think this is the first time they've received any kind of queerphobia or questioning of their identity, so it feels far worse in their heads than it really actually is. And, to be fair, I think it mostly happens from the more gender binary minded cis community than it comes from trans people- but as I've said, I've had it coming from trans women both irl and online.
I've also tangentially noticed that it seems to be transmed adjacent. Not saying that this anon is, or others who try to encourage femboys to explore their gender, but there certainly is a correlation. If its difficult for you to acknowledge cis gender nonconformity, then its easy to see that extending to a lack of understanding of nonbinary people or others with different trans experiences.
Every time one of these things happened, it didn't put me any closer to transition. It made me feel unsafe. It made me feel on the spot, and scared, and almost outed.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again- if you want historical parallels to femboys, we have a perfect example in drag. Drag is performative, over the top femininity that has become its own artform, style, and means of expression in a way that is intrinsically tied to gender nonconformity. Being a femboy is also all of those things. And guess what? Many drag queens have used it as a way to explore their own gender and realize that they're trans. There are also many who are cis, and remain confident in that identity. Is the percentage of trans people among people who have done drag at some point higher than the general population? Of fucking course- its one of the few places where exploring gender is encouraged and celebrated. Of course trans people flock to that. And the exact same thing is true of femboys. Are a higher proportion of femboys trans or eggs than the general population. Of course. It's a great venue for trans people to explore their identities. But even more of them are
Am I saying you're a bad person if you encourage femboys and gender nonconforming people to consider the possibility that they're trans? Of fucking course not. It was the gentle, affirming pressure with respect and care for my comfort levels from several incredible trans women I know irl that eventually made me confident enough to start HRT. Their continually support is a key factor in my social transition plans for the future. I needed that pressure, and I think everyone, including people who aren't actively engaging in gender nonconformity, needs some push to question their gender and start unlocking cis+. But to be blunt, questioning whether cis femboys even exist is not gentle, comfortable, and affirming pushes.
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