#and that hurts so bad and i dont know how to not be that person anymore
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They ruined my work.
TW SH AND SH RELATED RANT!!!!
TW BEANS!!!
Rant :
I hit 🫘 for the first time on May 17th 2024, I was really really happy about it and for the next two days I had my fun with the sharper 🔪 that allowed me to hit 🫘. On May 19th 2024 I hit 🫘 again, only this time my mom found out due to going to the pool. She forced me to show her because the other option she gave me was for a doctor to force me to show them, and I showed her. After she called 988 and asked them what to do because my mom doesn’t want me to go into inpatient. We ended up going to Children’s Hospital and they gave me 54 stitches in my left arm, it took an hour and an half. It was from about 5:00 am to 6:30 am but the whole process of bringing me into the hospital to getting discharged was about 17 hours, it was exhausting. I hated the process of getting the stitches because I have a horrible fear of needles. If you didn’t know already, when you get stitches they have to numb the injury so they stick a small-ish needle into the wound and the surrounding skin, in this case my arm, will get very puffy and you can’t feel it. The rest of it you can’t really feel, it’s just a slight tug. For some people the pain worse and for some people it isn’t that bad, personally it didn’t hurt that bad after the numbing was gone but it also depends where the injury is. But any way, on May 28th, I got my stitches out. I didn’t mind the process at all, it didn’t hurt all that much but they did have to press into some of the healing/healed cvts to ✂️ the stitches which hurt just a bit. I fucking hate how they look. They are so disgusting and ugly compared to all my other scars. My other scars are beautiful and delicate in a way and these just absolutely ruined them. The 🫘 was supposed to heal and be an angelic looking scar not some deformed indent on my skin. I hate it so so much, i feel so ruined by it. Almost everyone around me says that I’ve ruined my skin and now I really believe them, before I thought my scars and 🔪 were beautiful and stunning but now all I can think about is how vile and horrific the stitches have made it look.
In short, don’t get stitches unless you are close to death or desperately need them.
Love yall and stay safe❤️
TW FOR THE PICTURES BELOW!!
JS BLOCK DONT REPORT PLEASSEEE
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Demetri headcanons pleaseee
DEMETRI VOLTURI HEADCANONS
This greek men speaks variety of languages,such as greek,italian,english,spanish,french,latin,and the list could continue…
When it come to his personality,he is possesive,if he has a mate he sees them as his possesion,he has jealous issues due to this.
He loves reading and studying arts,he has degrees also in psychology.
He doesnt get along with Aro,he sees him as his leader but thats all,no father figure and sometimes Aro gets on his nerves.
He wasnt with Heidi,when i first read headcanons about him i wrote about it too,but i just dont see it,actually apart from the mates couples in the castle,i dont really think the Volturi have casual sex with each other tbh.Heidi and him just get along really well.
He is waiting for his mate,has been for centuries,he has much love to give to them but he will struggle a bit,he is not used to be lovey dovey.
He enjoy a good laugh session with Felix,actually his laugh is very loud and is the kind of person to “hit” you while laughing as if he were begging for air .
He cracks very bad jokes,like really shitty ones but surprisingly he makes everyone laugh even the twins.
He is a very respectful men,a gentleman,he is stuck in the old times.
A casanova but just by flirting,i dont really think he had so much “preys”,of course enjoys sex and had some partners here and there but not like people picture him.
Very romantic,the type of writing you love notes,giving you flowers every week and planning stupid cute dates.Its almost cringe to our generation.
About that,he doesnt understand out generation,its funny to imagine him with a gen z mate,he will try to keep up with them but we just mentally drain him.
Very skilled at fighting,it actually make me mad how quick the took him down in the Breaking Dawn part 2 vission,its impossible but anyways.
His favourite movie for some reason is Titanic and will totally make his mate watch it like a thousand times bro.
He enjoys some songs of modern pop but its like a deep secret.
Loves poetry but its so bad at writing it,he had try but didnt success.
Get frustated very quick,he likes thing his way,its a perfectionist and when something get a bit out of schedule he will get frustated and anxious.
Anxiety,he has anxiety,sometimes he swears his heart is pounding again and his chest is hurting from it.
Doesnt like the smell of human food but if his mate eats in front of him its the only time he wont say nothing.
Doesnt know how to drive and doesnt see the point in learning.Tbh i dont think any of them know.
#twilight#the twilight saga#the volturi#twilight saga#twilight headcanon#demetri volturi#demetri volturi headcanons
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Hey. The Finders have no idea that Bonzle was captured. Fritz and Spitz are still waiting, playing video games in the Monastery, for Cole to bring their sister out of hiding now that the blood moon is over. Geo is still sitting by the window, watching and waiting for a dragon on the horizon to return his kid safe and sound. Cole took a very unsure Bonzle, assured them all everything would be okay, and they'd be back soon. He promised he'd find a way to protect her.
Don't think about how they'll smile when Cole finally trudges back, happy to know he's okay. Especially don't think about the Finders stopping, looking out over the group, and how Cole can't look them in the eyes when they turn to him and ask; where's Bonzle?
#ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#lego ninjago#dragons rising#bonzle#finders#cole#cole brookstone#geo#fritz#spitz#text post#angst#talk#LISTEN TO ME#COLE LOST 2 WHOLE FAMILY MEMBERS DURING THAT BLOOD MOON#HES GOING TO NOT BE OKAY!!!!!!! HES DOING SO BAD#mans is a FATHER and he PROMISED he'd keep his kid safe. he promised it to the OTHERS#and hes going to have to walk back up those steps and admit to being a LIAR and a FAILURE#hes not obviously sht just went sideways but you KNOW he blames himself#geo very worriedly stayed behind w fritz & spitz FULLY TRUSTING that cole would keep bonzle safe & bring her back#he loves him so much (in a gay way. u know it to be true) so he trusts him IMPLICITLY to keep them safe. hes done it before#can you imagine the HORROR when cole comes back and hes...alone. with no one else but the other ninja (minus 1)#geo realizing what happened before the kids. the way everything just freezes and drops. cole curled so tight in on himself#and cole cant say hes sorry because he cant even look at them. he lost family hes had for over a decade & a kid he claimed his own for year#you saw how he was w child wu. you saw how desperate he was to keep bonzle safe. AND KAI IS GONE TOO???#homeboy is having the literal worst day ever. imagine him trying to tuck fritz & spitz close while on one knee trying to explain it all#and bro jsut feels like hes literally the worst person in the world#something something 'you dont get to stay with the ninja & be happy. i tried to protect you from what hurt me as a kid'#'and instead your right in the thick of it'
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what if purple never calls him dad
#what if the word ‘dad’ is something purple doesn’t like.#what if it carries a bad connotation for them and a bitter reminder for mango.#family doesnt always have to look like one thing yknow? i dont think those two would have a traditional dynamic in that way#maybe purple does consider him their parent. they just dont call him ‘dad’ unless its in third person#and theyre fine with that and so is he#king is his father figure yes but he’s also a mom. a big brother. a sister. their dynamic just isnt captured in purple calling him ‘dad’#maybe his name is the best way they can say it. the best way they can appreciate him#because for purple a father is someone who hurts you. someone who leaves you#i think ‘purple calls him dad on accident’ is a cute idea#but honestly it would make more sense if they called him mom on accident instead. or if it happened when they were afraid. not comfortable#(this is presuming orchid is his mother and navy his father based on the pronouns used in the react vids iirc)#because why would purple refer to someone he sees as a parent with the title of the one that presumably did not raise them?#and on mangos end#i think u can kinda tell who in this fandom has never lost a loved one in how they characterize him#guys. grief doesnt leave. it never leaves.#you just learn to live with it!!!#mango is not okay just because he has a new kid to take care of. i would know this my bio mom passed and i have a stepmother!!!#she does not fill that void and i do not expect her to because it cannot be filled. but she brings a lot new to ease the pain and is a#wonderful part of my life#the same thing here#mango will never ever just .. go back to how he was#he will never be the same since gold died. and thats okay#purple will not change that. they will merely add something new#their dynamic can be beautiful and nontraditional and a showing of how grief can change you#it doesnt have to be ‘replacement dad and replacement son’#its so much more#oke. tag rant over#fett rambles#ava#uhh should i tag the chars
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sometimes i feel like i hate everyone
#if i ever say “i hate you” dont take it personally#everyone does stupid shit sometimes n thats fine but its happening sm and im sick of it n i need to speak up#chances are if u see this ur not part of the problem bc ur actually reading the shit i post#the fact that barely anyone realized that i relapsed into sh yesterday is crazy#im not doing this for attention its a fucking cry for help and most of yall are ignoring me#you ignore me when im fine and you ignore me when i need you#what am i supposed to do ffs#do i have to show you my bleeding thighs for you to ask how i am?#do you have to wait until i scream and cry and hurt myself for you to care abt me?#do i not matter unless im hurting? or do i not matter even when i am hurting?#do i have to fucking die for any of yall to realize theres something mentally wrong w me?#fuck you all youre just as bad as my parents#except for the four people who talked me out of spiralling last night#two of which were people i barely/dont know#so yeah maybe try harder n actually ask ur friends how they are#dont push them to the point where they need to be comforted by strangers
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#1st my sister was passive aggressive bc i was boiling pasta when she wanted to make her dinner#so she slammed stuff nd chopped veggies aggressively#nd i felt my heart rate spike nd my body go tense nd i always get clumsy nd drop things nd hurt myself when i get that way#but they think i deserve feeling awful bc of mistakes in the past so i cant ask them to stop#i've been walking around w lots of heavy things nd im barely keeping it together#nd i got so mad bc she wouldnt stop so i started slamming the cabinets nd then left when i was done#then my mom nd other sister got home nd i just wanted to ask my mom smth#when i open my door my other sister goes 'omfg already?'#'immediately when we get home i never get a break. it's almost disgusting'#i just got so.. i realized how pathetic nd childish i am so i just went into my room#but then apparently my sister said to mom that *i* was the only one being passive aggressive#so she comes in to talk when i was having my dinner so i said that i plz just wnna eat my dinner#she didnt know nd she's never cared but i wanted to hurt myself so badly i was struggling not to#but then she started screaming at me for being childish nd passive aggressive nd that i never do anything#she left my room. she still talks to my sisters so i know it's onlg me shes sick of#idk.. today is bad bc i cant talk to her nd i dont have ANYONE else to talk to im all alone#and now i barely even wanna go outside my room bc apparently my family thinks i wnna mess w them just for going to the bathroom lmao#i hate myself so much. im so pathetic. im 25yrs old living at home being a burden#nd im just a pathetic nd childish person. i 'need' to talk nd vent nd rant nd#like if i buy some things i have these need to like do a mini haul or if i get books from the library#i wnna show my mom what books i got#it's so childish. i do feel bad for my mom to have to deal w me nd my annoying personality#why cant i jusy be normal. no wonder why i can never keep friends or my family doesnt wnna talk to me. everything abt me fkn sucks#anyway im just feeling so bad and so alone bc my moms mad at me so now i have no one to talk to
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Well bit the bullet and forewarned my parents about the tattoo appt so I don't just show up one day with it, but took the cowards way out and did it while they're out of town and won't be back til Friday so I don't have to face the ire as my mother cools down
#franposting#my nonna on the other hand. im just. i dont think im gonna say anything at all tbh#it just. is what it is.#maybe putting art i have craved for so long on my body#is a way of learning to inhabit myself. of autonomy. of seeing myself as a person#not just like. a use made for a specific end#yes telos has a place but also maybe my telos isnt just to exist and burn myself up for every other person's whim#out of a sense of a guilt and an apology for my own existence#maybe. idk. maybe the duty and martyrs complex is right tho#idk. idk. been thinking a lot about family lately and how everything mostly just hurts.#the good days are just. neutral. theyre good by virtue of not being actively bad#but im realizing i genuinely dont know how to care for people or relate to people properly and its just. well. hm.#that sure is a thing im gonna have to live with for the rest of my life#i feel odd and unsettled and offputting even to myself. alas.#honestly work being unfulfilling and boring is part of the problem#without concrete clear and interesting goals and tasks i lose direction and fall apart#i need to be focused on things and tasks or else I'll die. or navel gaze my way into solipsism
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yeah its important to have interests that arent just for children as an adult because at the end of the day it’s good for you and the way you percieve media overall to have a variety of things that you like but like you also shouldnt make fun of adults who are passionate about childrens media and imply theyre stupid for it. i think both of these takes can exist at once
#i dont like how some people are taking ''read a book for adults'' as ''do this so you are less cringe and stupid in my opinion''#rather than ''do so because its genuinely good for you''#and even so if someone likes childrens media and they like to analyze it and theyre not being a jackass to kids about it#just leave them alone? sometimes that's just what their interests are and thats okay. it makes them happy#and i hate to be That Guy but uhhhh. yeah theres an overlap here w nd adults#not all of us but certainly a good amount bc some special interests are so strong that they last throughout childhood#past an ''acceptable'' age#and again not the case for everyone but like most autistic adults i personally know are into childrens media#and have been into a specific property since they were a young child#and thats just autism like im sure for people with down syndrome and others have a similar experience#and even if they like something recent like bluey like. who cares it is not hurting you#echoed voice#and it also annoys me that most posts like this have people going ''um well fandom moms are annoying tho''#or even worse literally implying there's inherently a sinister motive#as if its not common for adults to get mocked for being childish and naturally get defensive#and as if every single adult into a pbs show or toh is inherently a bad person or something.#bc people will go through several mental gymnastics to defend being a jackass over something not socially acceptable#before they go ''yeah thats kind of rude sorry''
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Seeing your post about toxic doomed Yuri burgertron/spudmuffin changed my brainwaves. I read it and was like woahhh they ARE toxic doomed Yuri
there is a top 10 messiest breakups botvid and spud / burgertron are in the #1 spot and i will not be considering otherwise. they could have been THE power v-shaped polycule with ulf but fate aligned their destinies and it was not written in the stars . pouring one out for the combo meal of all time 😔✊
#botbots tag 🏪#you've got mail 📬#tf botbots#botbots#transformers botbots#i choose 3 believe burgertron Does miss spud btw.#it hurts him a lot and he DOES still keep the photo of them and ulf on his wall in his nest#idk how 2 describe it but it's like. just because he knows what he did was the correct thing#doesnt mean he Isn't going to grieve#spud isn't Dead but he mourns all the same#because he *lost* someone dear to him#there's also the aspect of me hcing burgs w/ bpd and spud was one of his FPs so after everything happens i hc he black and white splits --#-- a lot because he's under a lot of duress (something i do when someone i love does something bad)#botbots dont have therapists so i think the rest of the lost bots'd help him out with that but i am not going to sugarcoat it#he is a DISASTER . (ENDEARINGLY)#and then there's the days he feels like a bad person for even being the reason this happened in the FIRST place#when it wasnt . it was never his entire fault and some of that blame DOES go to spud because he never took the liberty of just Asking#and yes burgertron didnt know but can you really blame someone for setting events in motion when theyre oblivious???#he didnt know. he couldnt have#and that just adds to the tragedy of it. had burgertron known and spud just taken the appropriate course of action the show'd be different#but of course we all know it didnt go like that#i could talk about them for a while and the fallout of the games bc holy shit there is so much and they make me insane#THANK YOU for giving me an outlet 2 speak and im so glad i could open your eyes to burgerspud yuri#they are So tragic i hope they recover and go to therapy
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I have a love-hate relationship (moreso hate) with this quote but will not get too much into it
#I dont have the words to describe how this quote makes me feel#i just feel a bunch of screaming on the inside looking at this quote lmfao#kind of really hate it though. but also love it for acknowledging that physical abuse makes it so hurt someone; even if you want too.#but... repeated violence doesnt always make you gentle....considerate....soft... tender (insert other synonyms here). its okay if it doesnt#its okay if you feel full of rage and wrathful. or cold. or distant. aloof.... not warm... 2 opposites to gentleness#i dont consider my gentleness genuine. its just fear. its literally just meekness and fear and fawning and submission#i personally want to learn how to cultivate genuine gentleness and kindness. i know many survivors do but for me#its just learned behavior. i hate when people say i am gentle or considerate. i am not gentle#i am just scared and frozen to the core. im just fawning. thats not gentleness i think. i dont know.#on the outside it looks gentle. maybe i think too much. too much introspection is usually bad for you; yet here i am.#txt
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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#last night an ex friend who ignored me for 6 fucking months just messaged me saying “oh im sorry i want to make things clear between us”#“i dont want any bad relations before the end of the year blah blah blah”#and she didn't even apologise properly#i told her i didnt accept her apology because i didnt trust her anymore and that i deserved friends who cared about stuff like that#and her response to that? “wow nice to see you're so cocky let me knock your ego down a few notches”#“you're a loud and obnoxious bitch you think you the world revolves around you just cause you read some feminist books”#which tells me that she really didnt mean her sorry#she just wants a clean slate and validation she's actually a good person#im sorry but you dont get to use as a stepping stone for YOUR character development#why apologise if you don't fucking mean it#and the worst part is my friend still thinks she's a good person and whatever blah blah blah FUCK OFF#i know no one really wants to listen what i have to say given that i'm always taken as a joke#but srsly fuck off it's amazing how her friend hurting me isnt a big deal cause she's “not as bad as i think she is”#god i miss my old friends we have such a strong bond but we don't meet that often i just want to hug them so bad#i'm glad i didnt listen to the part of me that wanted to forgive her one of my ex friends was also like her and i've learnt my lesson#vent#personal
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As much as I love overwatch, I am so sick of people being mean. It seems like 90% of games whichever losing side either blames their tank or support when 90% of the time it's definitely not either. Also I only play quick play games so these don't even matter. I can understand being upset if you're playing competitive but people still don't need to be rude. Quick play is supposed to be fun. I usually get people commenting on me being a one trick but if I play anyone else then I get told I suck. How am I supposed to learn new characters if I get bullied from trying them? And especially now that there's only one tank I constantly see "tank diff" in the chat. Like grow up. It is very rarely only one person's fault that a game is lost and that's usually because they leave or they are literally not trying and just running around saying hi to the enemy team. No way was it all the tanks fault. And it's literally always the damage players complaining about it. Like maybe you're losing because you keep saying rude shit in the chat and you're bringing morale down and nobody wants to play with you.
#idk if the age group is just super young or if its literally just assholes that play but they need to do something about it#i feel like in the old overwatch it was easier to report people#but im also still new to this so maybe i just dont know how yet#and i mainly feel bad for the other people that have to play with them or when someone says something about my teammate#like i dont give a shit what people say to me personally#being a mercy one trick will give you a thick skin lol#but like i cant help but think about the next healer they play with#because it still does suck#like i get over it and continue like i dont see the comments but i wouldnt blame someone for stopping from healing them#any time someone on my team says something mean about our other healer i make sure to be extra aware of that healer and keep them alive#and ill take care of the asshole if they stop because i dont expect them to put up with them#the best though is when you start with a really toxic person and youre losing so badly that it genuinely hurts#and then they leave and all of a sudden you win#like yeah it was totally everyone else dude#overwatch
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I just think it’s silly that so many people complain about Villain Amaya as “wasted potential” and that “we were robbed” like-
My pals, post canon fan fiction is right there. The desire to free her husband is right there. Either by touching an evil book while being too eager to remember the obsidian oil, or being possessed by contact (ie what she believes is true loves kiss) when trying to reason with him in the dungeon.
We don’t need a rewrite, we can have a continuation. Both can be true. Amaya is a complex character, she can handle it.
#Wish#Queen Amaya#I assume I'm going to get hate for this but like#I know it's not store bought and you have to still make it yourself but also#I'm kind of just tired of seeing a lot of people sh*tting on Wish because it's not the concept art#And I'm kind of over here like how about we love it recognize it has flaws and THEN try to make something new without bashing the OG?#I just love Amaya and she definitely deserves more#but her good character is so interesting and complex#she still knows how to have fun. She still can be sassy or bite.#Like she's still Magnifico's perfect partner you know? and Magnifico isn't perfect?#A truly pure person wouldn't click with Magnifico the way Amaya does...?#I would rather build on Amaya's character than say she can only be good and boring or a villain?#Amaya is so smart yall. I know you can't see it all just on the movie but like she's read every magic book in Magnifico's library#THOUSANDS OF BOOKS.#And knows basic protection spells#She's a devoted leader.#Like.#Idk#She both loves her husband and recognizes that she has to go against him.#She doesn't /turn/ on him. She addresses his flaws and tells him that it's not okay?#She still jokes with him even though she has to put him in time out. She's complex and strong and wise and kind.#And I just hate seeing so many people so quick to just say 'the concept art was better' when like... the idea might be more appealing to yo#But I hate the level of cynicism and pretentiousness I see of people saying their personal ideas of what Wish should be-#-Is better than the piece of media they claim to care about?#Like their personal vision of Wish based exclusively off the concept art is somehow intellectually superior?#And I'm not saying stop doing your rewrites or AU's or anything! Like there's definitely beautiful creativity happening!#I just hate seeing people so negative and like honestly mean. It hurts my heart to see everyone calling Wish garbage?#It's not great but I really really dont think it's as bad as everyone is saying. Like its no like Oppenheimer but it's a children's movie..#Like I personally love the Teens and Amaya#And everyone saying they stink makes me sad... Because they're just great characters?
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want to make my own tarot deck with my ocs...........
#ive heard people say that you should be gifted tarot#ive only ever had one deck and i bought it at a barnes and nobles like 5 yrs ago#ive been wanting to get back into it with a new deck (its been a while since ive been deep into stuff like that tho so i odnt know if thats#the right thing to do. like how do i tell my cards i have rn that i want a new beggining. will it hurt their feelings)#like not hurt their feelings but like be bad energy#but i dont get out often so ive looked online for them but i feel like thats even more a bit strange then buying it in person#but i really wanna make a deck out of my ocs but it would take me years to finish it all#and my art would get so inconsistent and i love consistency for projects#biggest reason i dont do Projects is because it bothers me within my soul when they dont fit together perfectly
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🐁☁️🌫️
#sorry gnna sound like a shit person now but im not feeling well i just need to rant#nothing good ever happens to me. every aspect of my life is a mess. im constantly miserable w nothing to pull me out of it#it's been getting worse nd worse for years nd if it keeps getting worse im not gnna be able to take it much longer#ofc there are sooo many others who have it way way way worse than i do. so i feel weak nd pathetic for being so affected by it when i know#it could be literally sm worse than it is now. like i get that. i know im not nearly as bad off as many ppl are#but idk still it's rlly tough to have *nothing* that makes me keep going. the literal only thing is that i dont kms bc i dont wanna hurt mom#bc im poor so i cant do ANYTHING. i cant go anywhere. not the cinema not concerts not to the mall not to the bookstore not an amusent park#i cant even go to cafées bc i dont have any money at all to spend on that#i have no friends to hang out w. even if i couldnt afford going anywhere i cant even just take a walk or sit nd talk to them bc there r none#my sisters havent talked for me in over a year#and like yada yada i dont have anything to pull me out of my misery bubble. no friends to comfort me no family to hang out w#nothing to do or nowhere to go. hell i havent even been able to eat for 8 months so i cant even like eat smth yummy nd watch a movie lmao#i cant even read bc of the constant noise! i cant go out into the forest bc there r always subway construction work or choppers or gun shots#i know im 'focusing on the negative' but what am i supposed to do when theres nothing positive to focus on lol?????#im always physically uncomfortable bc of pain nd health issues nd im always anxious nd stressed too so like... yay#and. this is where i sound mean but like after years nd years of nothing good happening to me... idc for others anymore like#when they talk abt their loving relationships and their kind friends nd them going to concerts im like.. wow !! u get to be happy!! i dont!!#im just envious nd jealous nd bitter bc why cant i have ANYTHING good???? not just ONE fkn thing?#other ppl get to have multiple things but i get nothing?????#and its not exactly like i hate them or wish illwill on them im just like wow kinda dont feel sympathy for u bc u have sm things#i've never had :))) nd u can never understand how awful it feels to be deprived of it so idc :))))
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