#and that was kinda the best character (with the ice robot who ALSO sacrifices himself - but he comes back with a shiny new paint job so)

[beardedhandstoadshark]

You can save 1 fictional character who dies in their story from dying, changing the official plot forever. Who do you save?

Anon, this responsibility is too much to bear for a mere mortal. A pressure such as this can never temper a human soul, only crush it

…also all characters I can think of are either unimportant side characters, come back with a new shiny upgrade, or their deaths are the thing kicking off the heroes journey that starts the whole story to begin with so it kinda doesn’t work ;-;

So uhh… I guess Padme from Star Wars? I don’t even care about SW but confession: I kinda like the prequels, especially the third movie, and if I remember correctly her dying is what drove Darth Vader to the dark side for good, so that. Not happening would be interesting maybe. Also she dies from unidentified big sad or smth weird like that? Genuinely don’t know and they’ve been airing marathons often enough for me to see that end scene multiple times XD

[justletmeplayminecraft]

the three stages of impulse making friends

set in the magic misfits au collated by @haworthiaace! the origin story of how team zt adds the ‘i’. tango has a curse, zed is an elf, and impulse is a demon. could i make it anymore obvious? (yes. absolutely.)

featuring: the least conventional way to make friends, selling your soul is not a decision to take lightly, friends who will Literally die for each other, tango is ferocious when it comes to protecting zed, there’s a fair amount of work to get to a happy conclusion, but the three of ‘em manage it, impulse deserves the world, so does zed, tango... he’s on thin ice.

warnings: life or death situations, using your own blood in rituals, so kinda self harm?, conflict between characters, tango threatens impulse, they resolve things, but here’s certainly some angst before they all become friends, also it’s implied impulse didn’t have the best time as a demon, he has a breakdown, he’s soft ok, they’re making the best out of a terrible situation..

also posted on ao3, link in the replies

1. When Zedaph summons him

Zedaph steps back from the summoning circle, the charcoal staining his hand black as he puts it down. He checks every symbol twice against his book. The required items are around the edge, candles lit with his face pinched in focus. A glance down the hall confirms that Tango's bedroom door is still shut tight. There shouldn't be any interruptions. A good job too, because Zedaph's not looking forward to explaining this one.

He picks up his knife, taking a steadying breath. Zed's never really been one for blood. If it were anyone else, he wouldn't be doing this. But it's Tango. Zedaph can't lose him, no matter the cost. He presses the blade across his palm, slicing just enough for blood to bubble to the surface. He holds his hand out, droplets falling onto the intricate circles.

The symbols he spent so long drawing illuminate in a bright glow, activating like redstone. He gasps as the magic in the room whips his hair. Something tears into existence in the centre. Zedaph takes a step back from the pure magical essence.

The demon springs up in front of him. Bright yellow eyes meet his purple, and Zedaph takes in the demon they belong to. He's surprised, actually. He expected something more demonic. Not that the demon isn't demonic, of course. He has big black horns that Zed could probably spike himself on and a tail that's flicking behind him as he examines Zed. But his face is human, with pale skin and a curious expression. Zedaph thinks his dark hair might even be fluffy. And a t-shirt and jeans? Well, he's hovering sightly too, but-

"You summoned me?" The demon's voice is... Nice, actually. It's friendly, like melted chocolate. Sharp teeth show as he speaks. Zedaph nods, fiddling with his sleeves.

"I did." He tries to keep some confidence in his voice. "I want to make a deal." The demon nods, crossing his arms and sitting back slightly. It's strange seeing someone float in midair like that.

"That's what most people do. You get what your heart desires, I get your soul." Zedaph nods, dropping his eyes down to the floor. He hypes himself up, needing the confidence to commit to this. For Tango. For his best friend.

"My friend's cursed," Zedaph explains. "I want you to save him. In exchange for my soul." The demon tilts his head.

"A curse?" He sounds curious.

"We- we were messing around and upset a witch and-"

"A witch?" Zedaph tucks his arms against his chest. He nods. "I- I can't undo a witch's curse." Zedaph's heart stops.

"No!" He looks up at the demon, stepping close to the barrier circle. "You have to help him, I can't lose him. You don't understand." The demon has opened up in surprise, holding his hands out. He stares at Zed with an open mouth, yellow eyes unmoving.

"Um-" the demon glances away, "I might be able to halt the curse?" Zed jumps onto his tiptoes. "I can't remove it completely but I can lessen its effects and prevent it from spreading. Would that be sufficient for a deal?"

"He won’t get worse?" Zedaph checks.

"He won't get worse." The demon nods. Zedaph returns the gesture, determination returning.

"Then I'll do it. You can have my soul in exchange for that." The demon leans forward, holding out his hand.

"It's a deal, then." Zedaph nods. He steps carefully over the protective ring, clapping his hand into the demon's.

"It's a deal." Zed's grip on the demon's hand tightens, a choked noise escaping him as his chest erupts in pain. The demon pulls him close, his other hand resting on Zedaph's chest.

"Sorry about this part." Something is tearing, ripping at his skin. Zedaph would scream but he can't draw enough air into his lungs. For a second, everything falls away. When he opens his eyes again, he's on the cold floor. The demon has a hand on his shoulder, his other hand holding up something swirling, glowing a radiant purple. Zed can't take his eyes off it. "Are you okay?"

Zedaph nods, "Is it done? Will Tango be alright?"

"Yeah. The deal's done." Zedaph jumps up, leaping onto the demon and wrapping his arms around him tight. The demon falls back slightly, one hand wrapping around Zedaph's back with robotic movements.

"Thank you," Zedaph mumbles, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much, thank you."

"Uh." The demon sounds genuinely confused. "You're welcome?" Zedaph climbs down, realising this is supposed to be a business transaction. He steps back over the circles.

"Sorry I just- you don't know how much this means for me." The demon shrugs. He claps his hands together and that ball of glowing light vanishes.

"It's part of the deal." The demon shrugs. It's like he's trying to come off cool and collected, but he still seems twitchy, a bit nervous. "Will that be all?"

"That'll be all." Zedaph makes sure to keep his next words powerful and concise. "You may go back to your dimension." The demon nods. He bows slightly.

"Pleasure doing business with you." With that, the air twists once more, and the demon vanishes. Zedaph breathes out, placing a hand on his chest. It doesn't hurt anymore. He doesn't feel any different. He was willing to sacrifice far worse for Tango's safety. This is... He feels like he's gotten off quite lightly.

Well, except Tango's wrath. He's just about cleaned up the room when he hears a door slam open.

"What did you do?" Tango demands, storming up to Zedaph. He grabs Zed's shoulders and holds him in place in front of him. Zedaph shrinks down.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean-"

"Cut the bull, Zed!" Tango glares at him. Zedaph looks into his eyes, the solid redstone. It twinkles when the light catches it, like little stars. "You did something, because I can see again, and that didn't happen on its own."

"You can see again?" Zedaph asks, quiet. He squeaks when Tango pulls him closer.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing!"

"Zedaph!" Zedaph curls away at the anger in Tango's voice, even if it's born from worry. Tango's grip holds him in place.

"I may have summoned a demon," Zedaph mumbles it, hoping Tango won't hear.

"You summoned a demon?" Tango exclaims, echoing off the walls. Zedaph takes a breath, his expression shifting as he glares at him. Tango lets go, stepping backwards with surprise.

"It's the only thing I could think of that would be more powerful than a witch's curse!" Zedaph cries, his voice high. "And it was, it worked! He stopped it!" Zedaph holds his hands out to Tango, before waving them down his body, "And I'm fine! No different! I don't think anything's changed."

"Zedaph-" Tango takes a further step back, dragging his hands down his face, "-Please tell me you didn't sell your soul." Zedaph doesn't answer. Tango groans, frustrated. "You need to undo this, you can't just-"

"I'm not going to sit here and do nothing whilst you fade away! Not when I can stop it!" He places his hands over his heart. "And I feel fine, so clearly my soul isn't that important. So just drop it, and things can go back to normal."

"This isn't-"

"I'm not changing my mind." Zedaph pokes his finger into Tango's chest. "I refuse to watch you die, Tango!" They both stare at each other, Zed focused intensely, shoulders rising and falling with his heavy breaths.

"And you don't feel anything?" Tango asks. His voice has turned softer. Zed doesn't fight when Tango rests his hand against Zed's freckled cheek. In fact, he leans into it, all of his fight draining in an instant. "You don't feel worse? No pain?" Zed shakes his head.

"I feel fine," he confirms, squeezing the hand on his cheek with his own. "I promise you. It- it hurt when he took it, but I'm okay now. I don't feel it." Tango sighs.

"Zed, you're an idiot." Zedaph laughs. He pulls Tango's hand down, squeezing it between both of his.

"So are you," Zed replies. "It's a good job we've got each other, huh?"

Tango shakes his head, "I wouldn't want it any other way."

2. When Tango summons him

Tango doesn't know how it took so long for him to realise. It's basic common sense: you can't just sell your soul without consequences. Maybe he was a bit caught up in being able to see again and not having to prepare for his impending demise that he didn't fully consider it. Zed seemed fine. He was fine. For a little while, at least.

It happened slowly. It was first in how Zed spoke. Where his hands would usually wave around in a language of their own, he was still. He stopped coming up with ideas. He yawned, slept straight through afternoons. Then his skin became paler. His ears began to droop. He wouldn't get out of bed until Tango encouraged him. Now, Tango's barely able to get him to eat. He sighs, rubbing his fingers through blond locks. Zed managed some mushroom stew before dozing off, curled up as if he's freezing despite the blankets piled on him. His skin is cold against Tango's hand.

Tango stands, leaving the room without a sound. He's had a lot of time to plan this, with Zed asleep so much. He enters the side room, the summoning circle already set up. It's been a few nights researching, making sure everything's correct. The knife handle is cool as he twirls it in his hand. Hopefully, his cursed soul is still enough to cast this.

He makes a cut across his thumb, letting blood drip down onto the circles. It lights up, the air swirling around the room as Tango stands resolute. Despite all his preparation, he's still a bit surprised it's worked. He doesn't move an inch as the demon appears in front of him. Bright yellow eyes stare into his, black horns like a crown over his head. Tango skips over the surprisingly human features. The pale skin, the fluffy hair.

"You made a deal with my friend," Tango speaks first, crossing his arms over his chest. "Blond elf, purple eyes. Pointy ears." The demon's eyes widen.

"Oh," he says. His voice is smooth and- not very demonic. Tango steels himself. "You're his cursed friend."

"Yeah," Tango replies. "You need to undo that deal." The demon tilts his head.

"Undo it?" He questions. "You realise your curse would continue, right?"

"I'm aware." Tango stares straight into his eyes. The demon shuffles a little. "You need to undo it."

"Okay but you're missing one detail," the demon tells him, mirroring Tango's crossed arms. His tail flicks behind him.

"And what's that?" Tango asks.

"You didn't make the deal." The demon shrugs, his hand up. "Only the person who made the deal can void it. And it feels like he doesn't want to." The demon looks smug, like he's caught Tango out. Tango didn't do all of this research for nothing.

"How about this," Tango starts, reaching for the spellbook he stole from Zed. "I use a binding spell," he continues, holding it up, taking care with the worn pages. If demons could feel fear, maybe it would be there in the way his eyes widen and his tail stills. "And I bind you into my service until Zed agrees to undo the deal."

"That's... A little unreasonable." The demon sounds nervous. Tango grins.

"More unreasonable than the fact my best friend is currently so tired he can barely move?" He demands, stepping forward but careful not to go over the outer circle.

"Hey." The demon holds his hands up. "He sold his soul to me willingly. He knew the consequences."

Tango scoffs, "No he didn't! He had no idea what would happen. You took advantage of him." Tango pokes his finger against the barrier. "So I'm going to take advantage of you right back." The demon shrinks away.

"Okay, okay." He slowly lowers his hands as if Tango will calm down because a demon tells him to. "How about, instead, I give you a month to get your friend to void the deal. I will stay here, no binding spell required. If he doesn't change his mind after that, I'm free to go."

"And if you leave before the month is up, I get to summon you back, bind you to me, and leave you in a salt circle to rot." Tango smirks when the demon flinches. "Sounds like a deal to me."

"Um, uh-" The demon shifts their weight around, not quite making eye contact.

"Or, I go back to my first plan." Tango draws the word out as he flicks through the book. The demon huffs.

"Fine," he declares. "I accept your terms. If I leave before the month is up you can summon me back and bind me into your service." Tango snaps the book shut.

"Then the deal is made." He can feel a ripple of magic at the statement. Nothing strong, Tango's not particularly magically inclined. Hell, it's probably the demon's own magic working against him. But it's enough to make this work. To give Zed a chance to undo this mistake. Tango steps forward, breaking the outer protective circle with his toe. "Well?" Tango holds his hand out, "Are you coming?" The demon steps forward, hesitantly leaving the circles.

"Um," the demon glances back at the smudged charcoal. "I'm not sure how this works."

Tango shrugs, "I'm not happy about it, but I guess you're living here." The demon is looking at the floor, following Tango with light steps.

"Okay." Those yellow eyes glance down a corridor. "Um, yeah. Alright." Tango sighs, looking at the awkward being. Aren't demons supposed to be scary? Or is this one trying to lower Tango's guard?

"Name's Tango," he offers, in an attempt at a truce.

"You're just going to give me it?" The demon sounds concerned.

"I'm not giving it to you," Tango replies, refusing to expand further. "What's yours?"

"Oh." The demon's tail flicks at him. "Impulse. My name's Impulse." Tango nods. He pauses at the door to Zed's room, resting a hand on the wood.

"His name's Zedaph," Tango tells him. "He's... Probably not going to be happy that I've done this behind his back. But he's- don't expect much from him. He's already so bad." Tango can't help how heavy his voice grows as he continues, the weight piling on his shoulders. Impulse nods. If Tango didn't know better, he'd say he looks guilty.

He pushes the door open. Zedaph is still buried in a blanket pile. Tango can just see a hint of pale, freckled skin, peeking out from under messy hair. He hasn't moved an inch. Impulse stills in the doorway, staring at him. Tango turns, giving him a dead look.

"What, you feel guilty now?" Impulse focuses back into his folded arms. His tail wraps around him like a pathetic shield.

"I don't- I don't like this part. I don't usually see it."

"Well-" Tango holds his hand out, mock-bowing. "-Enjoy what you've caused." He sits on the bed beside Zedaph, scratching under his chin. Impulse inches forward. "Hey, Zed, buddy." Zedaph mumbles, rolling into Tango's touch. "Come on. Can you open your eyes for me? Sit up a bit?" Zedaph whines, but he shuffles around. Then, with a bit of effort, he pushes himself up, falling against Tango's side. It's more than he's managed for days.

Zedaph opens his eyes, sees Impulse and squeaks, "Tango?"

"He's fine." Tango gestures Impulse closer. The demon still hovers apart from them, trying to tuck into the corner of the room. "He's here because you need to undo your deal." Zed's eyes narrow, the purple glinting in the light.

"I'm not doing that," Zedaph says, with no room for movement. Tango refuses to listen.

"I don't think you realise how much it's hurting me seeing you fade away like this." Tango tries not to raise his voice. "I don't want to see you suffer."

"So you want me to do the same thing?" Zedaph asks, sitting away from Tango. "You- you want me to watch this curse claim you? And do nothing?"

"It's my curse. You shouldn't get to make this choice for me."

"And it's my fault you got it!" Zedaph's voice has raised, fingers bunching up in the blankets.

"You've got so much more life in front of you-"

"And I've already lived so much of it-"

"You're being selfish, Zedaph." Zed flinches back.

"Fine then. I'm being selfish. What are you going to do about it?" Tango halts at that, not sure what to respond. He wasn't- he wasn't expecting Zedaph to do that.

"Uh-" Both heads turn as Impulse speaks. He curls into himself. "Should I leave? Go to another room or something?" He's pressed himself against one of the walls.

"Go back to your dimension," Zedaph orders. "I'm not changing my mind." Impulse sinks downwards.

"I- uh. I'm here for a month. That's what we agreed on." Zedaph spins back to Tango with fury in his eyes. Tango answers before he gets the chance to talk.

"We made a deal. One I came out on top of. He's not going anywhere." Zedaph presses his hands into his cheeks before waving them outwards.

"You can't just keep him prisoner here!" Tango scoffs. If only Zed knew about the alternative. Maybe it would've angered him enough to void this whole thing. He might have lost his friend, but Zedaph would be able to keep on living.

"He's basically our roommate for a month." Zedaph groans. He holds his hands by his head, mouth opening and closing before he manages to find words.

"I don't even know what a demon eats!" He cries. Tango squawks.

"That's what you're worried about?" Zed crosses his arms, swinging his legs out of bed. He takes a few steps towards Impulse, turning his chin up as he pouts. Tango blinks, something in his head finally clicking.

"Yes, because I'm going to be a good housemate unlike-" Tango holds his hands up.

"Wait, wait, wait, Zed." Zedaph pauses mid-rant, face shifting to confusion. It's mimicked on Impulse. "You're out of bed. Willingly." Zedaph looks down at himself, running his fingers through his hair.

"I- I am," he murmurs, like acknowledging it will break this illusion. "I'm- I don't feel tired. I-" Zedaph looks at Impulse, his eyes widening as he takes a stumbled step back. Impulse holds his hands up, shaking his head quickly.

"I haven't done anything!"

"Then- but you're the only thing that's changed." Impulse squints, clearly thinking before he gasps.

"I still have your soul," he whispers.

"You just carry that around?" Tango asks. He can't force himself to sound angry. He keeps looking at Zed like a miracle has happened.

"I hadn't turned it in yet," Impulse explains, looking like he's solving a puzzle in his head. "Being close to it must mean that it's connecting to you again. Like you still have it." Zedaph bites at his lip, fiddling with the end of his sleeves. Tango really needs to get him into some new clothes. And in the shower.

"And you're only here for a month?" Zed asks. Impulse nods. Tango wishes he could follow the conflict that crosses Zed's face. Understand how he's feeling. Whatever the result is, he stands taller, grinning. "That's a month more than I had before." Trust Zedaph and his overly optimistic attitude. "Right, out of my room. I want to change."

"You're sure that won't-"

"If I'm not out in like an hour come and check on me." Zedaph jumps on the spot, leaping to his drawers. "I've got so much I need to do!" Impulse looks at Tango. He nods.

They leave Zedaph to pick out clothes, even if Tango has to watch him for just a moment first to convince himself this is real. He closes the door after him. Impulse is waiting on the other side. He's... Small. But his face is determined.

"This doesn't change the terms of our deal," he tells Tango. "One month, then I'm free to go." Tango sighs. After all that prep too. He should've just bound the damn demon. At least then he would've got something cool out of this. But-

"Of course," he agrees. Twisting to see Zedaph's door, he shrugs. "Worst case, at least I get to spend another month with my best friend." Impulse's expression is much tighter when Tango turns back. "I'll show you around. You can use the guest room."

"Thank you." Impulse keeps a step between them as he follows Tango. "I'm sorry about this."

"I'd say it's not your fault, but-" Tango's not exactly feeling sympathy here.

"I didn't ask to be born a demon." It's the closest thing Tango's heard to anger from him so far. "We have a quota to fill, and I don't want to fail it again. This is already going to-" He waves his hands. "Sorry, you don't need to hear about all that. Give me the tour." Tango nods, continuing to lead him through the base.

If he's honest, he's not too sure what his plan is anymore.

3. When Impulse decided to stay

Demons don't hang around humans. Especially not ones they've taken souls from. It's one of the first rules, for goodness sake. Don't get attached. You have to think business first, don't start considering the consequences. Mortals are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. There's so many of them, a few souls don't change anything. They're all pretty much the same, greedy lot anyway.

It turns out, Impulse is struggling with all of that.

He's never spent time around mortals before. When the elf, Zedaph, he now knows, first summoned him, he fulfilled the deal, pushed down his guilt, and continued with his life. Then the cursed human summoned him, threatened him with one of his worst fears, and somehow negotiated it into the current situation. Living with them for a month.

He's so out of his depth.

Zedaph seems to gravitate around him naturally. Impulse is pretty sure it's because he has his soul. He's still trying to get used to the feeling being around Zedaph gives him. Warmth, like he's stood out in the sun (a feeling he can properly experience now), mixed with a singing joy. Zedaph's soul is beautiful. It might even make up for Impulse losing a month of work if he handed it in. The downside is it's so beautiful because of the person it belongs to.

Zedaph is funny. He's creative and never seems to stand still. There's a calendar on the wall with the month marked out, filled with all the things he wants to achieve. The elf is facing his impending death and he's going there grinning. Even worse, Impulse is beginning to enjoy being dragged around by the blond. He likes hearing what strange idea he's come up with, helping him build a farm or plot a prank. If it were any other situation, Impulse would like to be friends with him. But friends don't take each other's souls.

Tango, the cursed human who has an aura of Impulse's magic, is understandably standoffish. Impulse would say he feels the same, but if he's honest, he finds the human scary. First impressions count and Tango is willing to do anything for Zedaph. Even if that means imprisoning Impulse like he's some kind of object. Impulse is all too aware of it. They have a begrudging truce between them.

So Impulse tries not to let it sting when he sees how much Tango cares for Zedaph. Those quiet moments between the two of them, Tango brushing Zedaph's hair back whilst the elf sleeps, cooking each other's favourite meals, how he'll watch Zedaph when he isn't paying attention with a sad look in his eyes. Impulse wants somebody to care for him that way. Even worse, he's going to be the reason they're torn apart.

"Impulse!" Zedaph calls through the house, interrupting Impulse's thoughts. He doesn't move, curled up half-asleep on the sofa. Rushed footsteps come to a halt with a scrape. "Oh. He's asleep."

"Still surprises me that demons can." Tango's tone is drier. Impulse wills himself to stay still. Zedaph huffs, a sound he's becoming all too familiar with. The two seem to argue a lot at the moment. It doesn't appear to affect their friendship, but Impulse can feel the strain the situation is putting on them.

"Can you stop treating him like he's some kind of object already?" Zedaph sounds frustrated. Tango sighs.

"Zed, he's a demon. They're not good creatures." A quick thud.

"He's called Impulse, and I think you're being biased." The footsteps come closer. Impulse nearly jumps when a hand rubs through his hair. He reminds himself to breathe. "He's done nothing against us. I was the one who summoned him for the deal. Begged him, even. I don't know what happened between the two of you, but I think you need to reconsider your attitude." The drawn-out silence from Tango is telling.

"Fine," he finally answers. "But don't expect me to be happy about it."

Zedaph answers without pause, "I'm not." The hand brushes against his horn before withdrawing. "Did you see him when we went out to the park? It was like he'd never seen the sun before. And the ideas he comes up with. You'd love them if you ever bothered to listen." Zedaph sighs, moving away. "If things were different, I'd like to think we'd be friends."

"Yeah," Tango's voice is flat. "Unfortunately, they're not."

They aren't. But Impulse can't deny things change after that. He's sat at the table, sketching out plans for a redstone farm he'd never get to make with a book on it open beside him. Tango sits in the chair next to him. He asks what he's working on. Impulse answers. From this emerges a day-long project that they both work on, until they have a working farm and Zedaph is hugging both of them and proclaiming how cool it is.

Impulse doesn't think it's the 'if things were different' they were expecting, but it does the job.

They're two weeks in and Tango asks, "So how does your human form even work, then?" Impulse is reading a cookbook, but he places it on his chest. Zed has poked his head up from his sketches too.

"My disguise?" Impulse asks, waving his hand as he draws on it. The two have seen him use it a few times now. They seem to insist on dragging Impulse with them everywhere. Even if it's the shops.

"Yeah, like, where do your horns and tail even go, dude?" Tango points up at the now absent horns. "Are they still there? Could we bump them or?"

"It's kinda a mixture of magic," Impulse explains. "My eyes and teeth are just simple illusion magic. The horns and tail are a bit more complicated. They're still there, but not in this plane of existence. So like, just shuffled into a different one so most people can't see or touch them." Zedaph nods.

"I've heard about that," he says, turning to Tango as he explains. "It was used as a form of banishment within magical communities. They'd force you into a different plane, so you're still there but you can't interact with anything, and nobody can see you." Zedaph shakes his head at the thought, raising his shoulders in defence. "I'm glad people realise how cruel that is now."

"It's what a lot of demons use when asked to make things disappear," Impulse tells them. "The shift between planes is like second nature for us."

"So you could see things on different planes of existence?" Tango asks.

"If I wanted," Impulse answers honestly. There's no reason not to. "I don't often, though. A lot of things are hiding in those. They don't like being found."

Tango laughs, "How ominous."

"And pretty cool," Zedaph adds. It's the first time someone's called Impulse's powers 'cool'. He's surprised by the warmth it gives him.

They reach the third week. Impulse would've never said it before, but time feels like it's moving too fast. He doesn't want this month to end. He doesn't want to go back to being pushed around by other demons, spending all his time working to avoid punishment. How is he supposed to go back to taking souls knowing these are the people he could be taking them from?

The hushed conversation he caught between Tango and Zedaph keeps replaying in his mind.

"I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either. But one of us is going to die. Even getting another month with you- that's enough for me."

At the start of the fourth week, Impulse has a complete breakdown. He shuts himself in the guest bedroom, sitting against the corner and cries like he hasn't since he was a newly born. He's not made for these kinds of moral decisions. He's been dragged into this and now it's all his fault. He's going to be the reason that the light fades from Zedaph until he's an empty shell. Why a friendship so strong is shattered. Why they both talk in gentle comforts at night as they face the inevitable.

His tears soak into the blanket beneath him, staining it black. The crying doesn't help. It doesn't solve anything. But if he has to stay in this situation without doing something he'd explode. Maybe this is his explosion. A fizzle into the night.

"Impy?" He bolts upright at Zedaph's voice, accompanied with a quiet knock.

"Yeah?" His voice cracks. He's pathetic. Clothing scrapes against the wood.

"Can I come in?" Impulse swallows, fists bunching up soft fabric. He releases one to wipe his eyes.

"Yeah- yeah, okay." The door opens, revealing the elf behind it. His ears droop as he sees Impulse and he's by his bed before the door manages to shut behind him.

"Oh, Impulse." Zedaph wraps his arms around him, pulling Impulse against his shoulder. Impulse has enough thought to vanish his horns, too afraid of scraping Zedaph by accident. "What's wrong? Please talk to me." Impulse shakes his head. Zedaph sighs, cradling him close. Impulse embraces the feeling of warm arms around him, how Zedaph's soul sings at their proximity. Zedaph simply holds him as Impulse cries, and that's all Impulse needs. And it's that realisation that has him speaking in an unsteady voice.

"I don't want to go back." Zedaph shuffles Impulse away to see his face, using his own sleeve to rub Impulse's damp cheeks.

"Go back to what, Imp?" Impulse looks into those bright purple eyes, filled with concern.

"What I was before." Being alone, he doesn't say. "I don't want to keep taking people's souls. I'm so tired of feeling like I won't be enough. I like this. I like it here." Zedaph tilts his head, one of his hands sliding down Impulse's arm.

"Do you have to go back?" Zedaph asks. Impulse pauses at the thought.

"I- I don't really know. I don't know what might happen if I don't go back." He really doesn't. Would the other demons even notice? Would they come after him? He has no idea. He's never heard of a demon... Leaving, before.

"Well, why don't you just stay here?" Zedaph asks. Impulse sits back, his brows drawing together in confusion.

"Stay here? But-"

"No buts!" Zedaph interrupts. "It's nice having you around and it's not like anybody else uses this room. What was the wording of your deal?"

"I stay here for a month for Tango to convince you to void the deal. If you don't change your mind by the end of the month, I'm free to go. If I leave before the month is up, Tango can summon me back and bind me into his service." He recites the deal automatically, eyes closing as he does. Every deal he's made is slotted away in his head somewhere, though this one is certainly closer to the front. When he opens his eyes again, he can see a hint of anger on Zedaph's face.

"I'm talking to him about that last bit," Zedaph mutters, before the anger leaves as quickly as it came. "But, it's right there in the deal. You're free to leave, not that you have to. You can stay if you wanted." Zedaph holds his hand up, moving it as he speaks. "And I'm not just saying that because you have my soul. I've made peace with my fate. I'm saying it because I've grown to think of you as a friend, and I like to see my friends happy."

"You've known me for three weeks."

"I've made friends in less time than that." Actually, Impulse doesn't doubt it. "You still have a week to go. Think about it, okay?" Impulse nods, relishing the smile that brings to Zedaph's face. "Good. Now c'mere." Zedaph pulls Impulse back into his arms. Impulse laughs, closing his eyes.

He certainly hears when Zedaph talks to Tango about it. He goes to bed early, meditating until he can't hear them anymore. They must make up after because they're fine the next time he sees them. Even if Tango shows more than a hint of guilt when he looks Impulse's way.

It takes another day until Tango brings it up. The two of them are sat at the same table they bonded over redstone.

"I'm sorry." Impulse looks up from his book, frowning.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Impulse. For threatening you and blackmailing you into this. It was wrong of me and you're a really cool dude. You didn't deserve that treatment."

"Thank you?" Impulse rests a finger on his page. "Did Zedaph put you up to this?" Tango sighs, sinking onto his palm.

"He strongly suggested I should, but no. I'm doing this because I was an ass, and I'm not going to ignore that anymore." Impulse smiles slightly.

"Just a bit," he replies. Tango seems surprised, and Impulse realises he's not really been playful with them before. Then Tango breaks into a grin.

"You know, I was going to say I wouldn't mind you sticking around. I take it all back now." Then, as if detecting Impulse's worry, he quickly adds, "That's a joke, by the way. I'd love it if you stuck around. Just like I know Zed would, because he hasn't shut up about it these past few days."

"He hasn't?" Impulse asks.

"Nope. He's super excited at the idea of a new roomie. We don't mind what you choose either way. I know I've treated you pretty badly. But, yeah. We'd both be happy if you stayed." Impulse nods. But he gives the same answer as he did to Zedaph.

"I'll think about it."

He does. He really really does. It's all he can think about as the days move far too fast until they reach the evening the deal comes to an end. Impulse can feel the magic buzzing in the air. He thinks the other two can as well. Zedaph is fairly attuned to magic, though he admits it's easier when Impulse is close by. Whereas Tango is involved in the deal. The air is thick with the stuff. Magic. Magic and tension. 

They cook together that evening. The food here is far better than what's in his dimension. Zedaph and Tango have two very different styles of cooking that seem to blend somewhere in the middle. Impulse wishes he knew how to cook better, but he's happy learning from them. They seem to enjoy teaching him, too, if Zedaph's bouncing is anything to go by. All cooked, they settle by the fire, plates balanced on their laps. Zedaph has burrowed under a blanket.

Impulse can't look at either of them when he asks, "You really wouldn't mind if I stayed?" He can feel them watching him.

"No, why would we?" Zedaph leans forward, nearly straight into his food. "You've been a better housemate then Tango is."

"Hey!" Impulse looks up to see Tango crossing his arms.

"He does the washing up," Zedaph replies.

"So do I!"

"Once I bully you into it."

Impulse smiles, "You really mean it?"

"We're more than happy for you to live with us. Hey, we'll put you on the deed for the house if that's what it takes." Tango leans on the arm of his chair towards him.

"Yeah. I think that'd be nice," Impulse can't help but tease a bit.

"Do we even have the documents for this place?" Zedaph asks.

"I have no idea." Tango shrugs. "But Impulse is living with us either way now."

"And he's adopting your sense of humour." Zedaph sighs, falling over the back of the sofa, an arm over his forehead. "Outnumbered in my own home."

"Our home." Tango smiles at Impulse.

"Yep," Impulse agrees. "Our home now."

It's not until later that night, as they head to their rooms, that Zedaph wraps his arms around Impulse just like he did the first time he summoned him. This time, Impulse hugs him back just as tight.

"You know, if I could still cry, I probably would," Tango tells him. He wraps his arms around them both.

"That's 'cause you're a sap," Zedaph murmurs from Impulse's hair as if he isn't crying himself.

"Only for my friends," Tango replies. Impulse laughs, ready to start crying too.

"Yeah." He tugs the two closer. "Wow, I’ve made friends."

"You're stuck with us," Zedaph tells him brightly.

"Not literally," Tango amends.

Impulse shakes his head, his smile hurting his jaw, "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

They wake up in the morning in the same house. The world doesn't end. Nobody's bashing at their door.

Impulse stays with his friends.

[thanksjro]

Before We Begin

Full disclosure: I’m not working off of a physical copy of this story, but rather a PDF download. I live in the United States, and don’t think I’d be able to find a copy of this book if my life depended on it.

When I was looking at the download packets, I chose the one with as many extra materials as I could, so I’d have the best chance at understanding the story without having to rely on the internet too much.

As you can see, there’s a good amount to work with here. I’m especially happy to have the notes- also known as the Story So Far. Thank god for this, because this would be an absolute slog to get through otherwise.

Eugenesis takes place within the Marvel comics continuity, which includes both the American and UK comics published at the time, and The Transformers The Movie. The guide summarizes the millions-year long war between the Autobots and the Decepticons over control of the planet Cybertron. Pretty basic stuff, things anyone who’s ever heard of the Transformers ought to know. The notes assume that the reader knows absolutely nothing about the franchise, which is good, because it means nothing gets left out.

This is already an interesting contrast between Eugenesis and MTMTE/LL, which didn’t need very much extra reading to be understood, if any at all. A rarity in the comic industry. Sure, there were things you could read to get a deeper understanding of certain character motivations- Last Stand of the Wreckers, for example, giving one a better grasp of why Fort Max is so messed up and angry.

But this is about the notes right now, not the comics. So, let’s dive right into:

That’s right, baby, this novel takes place in the far-flung future of 2012, and you better believe the date 12/21/12 comes up at least once.

There’s a lot of stuff that’s covered in the notes, and I’ll bring it up as needed as I progress through the novel. It’s helpful to have, but let’s move on to the juicier stuff.

…Is what I would say, if the notes weren’t completely batshit insane.

It starts out innocently enough, describing the beginnings of the war, establishing that the Transformers didn’t always, well, transform. Transformation technology was developed by Megatron in order to make the Decepticons more combat-effective, and the Autobots followed suit. They fought so hard that Cybertron was knocked out of orbit and got lost for a little while, eventually coming under the rule of a warlord named Trannis while Optimus and Megatron are busy being unconscious for four million years on Earth.

Trannis is a massive technoist, who believes that mechanical beings are the bee’s knees, so he starts cyberforming other planets, until he gets offed by the resistance. He’s quickly replaced with Jhiaxus, who’s basically more of the same, and the Decepticons of Cybertron split up, one team heading into space to do evil robot things, the other guarding Cybertron from the resistance. The Beast Wars are mentioned. The cartoon continuity is mentioned. Shockwave shows up for a bit, gets thrown in a swamp a couple times.

Things go on like this until 1985, when the Earth-based Autobots reestablish contact with their homeworld.

Galvatron shows up- y’know, Galvatron. The revamped Megatron from the movie, which takes place in 2005. He time-hopped from the future to build a weapon to kill Unicron. The Autobots try to stop him. Why they don’t just let him kill Unicron, who is blatantly evil and a threat to anyone around him, isn’t stated, but they eventually trick Galvatron into going back to the future, with a little help from Kup, Blurr, and Hot Rod, who are also from the future.

Galvatron comes back a year later. He causes a bunch of time-travel nonsense to happen, and is basically the worst until the Time Wars happen.

Meanwhile, Megatron heads back to Cybertron to see what’s happened while he was taking a dirt nap. Straxis- who was left in charge by Jhiaxus- isn’t doing so hot, and decides he’s going to steal Megatron’s body for his own. He gets killed for his troubles. Megatron decides he’s just going to head back to Earth, feeling pretty paranoid at this point- which, fair enough. I don’t think I’d feel very safe after someone tried to steal my body either.

Later on, Optimus Prime dies in a video game. Optimus Prime is killed by a human child in a video game. In fact, let me just show you the whole paragraph that covers this, because I don’t know that I’m able to do it justice.

It just blows my mind, and I knew that this happened before I even attempted to read the notes. These notes are eight pages long, and this is on page three.

Now Fortress Maximus is leading a group of Autobots, but he’s really not feeling the fight so much, so he, Kup, and Hot Rod just kinda… leave. They end up on Nebulos and become Target/Headmasters, just in time for the Decepticons to track them down and fight some more. Back on Earth, the Autobots launch Optimus’ corpse into space and elect a dinosaur as their new leader. This goes about as well as one would expect.

Over in London, G.I. Joe finds out that Megatron’s been living in the sewers. Actually, it isn’t Megatron, but a clone, housing the personalities of both Megatron and Straxis. They kill him and throw him in the river. Shockwave catches wind of this and has the body brought to him so he can use it to kill Galvatron. He brings the body back online using a ‘psycho-probe’, and uses the power of suggestion to have Megatron do his dirty work.

Megatron decides to kill Cyclonus and Scourge first, since they work for Galvatron, and through a time-travel mishap, ends up killing one of them before they were created. This displeases the space-time continuum, which promptly rips, and will continue to do so over the next few months.

Are you starting to see why I needed to break this down?

Optimus Prime is brought back from the dead. Hooray.

Starscream finds the Underbase-  an ancient storehouse of Cybertronian knowledge so vast it will literally melt your brain- and wrecks shop until the moment it kills him.

Meanwhile, clone-Megatron has decided he’s not going to kill Galvatron, but rather join forces with him. Everyone agrees that this is a terrible idea, and so the Autobots and Decepticons living in the year 2009 join forces to get Galvatron back to the future. The space-time rift swallows him, Scourge, and Cyclonus’ corpse, solving the problem pretty cleanly. Clone-Megatron finds the original-flavor Megatron, and promptly kills himself.

With the original Megatron back in play, he kidnaps Ratchet and forces him to resurrect Starscream as a Pretender- a robot in a protective shell. Ratchet decides that he’s going to fuck the warlord over as thoroughly as possible, instead bringing back a few of his friends and then exploding the Decepticon base. Both Ratchet and Megatron are presumed dead, but when has that ever stopped anyone in this franchise?

The newly resurrected Autobot Pretenders wind up in the center of the planet, Decepticons hot on their trail, and find themselves face-to-face with Primus, their creator god. Someone shoots the poor guy in the face, and he screams loud enough for Unicron, Bringer of Chaos, Vorer of Worlds, to hear him. So, that’s a thing they’re going to have to deal with in a few months.

Unicron finds a Galvatron from a parallel universe and takes him along for the ride, as the Autobots spend the start of the 90’s looking for the original Optimus’ dead body, which they never bothered to get the Matrix out of for some reason. They better hurry, because space is pretty big, and that Matrix is the only thing that can stop the Chaos Bringer.

Ratchet and Megatron are found- alive- in a pocket dimension, though they probably wish that they weren’t, seeing as they’ve been fused together so hard their brains have to take turns piloting their horrific, melty, shared body.

Unicron shows up in ’91 and kills, just, so many people. Optimus Prime sacrifices himself to save the rest of the population, flinging his body and the newly-recovered Matrix into the World-Vorer’s mouth. This kills God.

Optimus names Grimlock as the new leader of the Autobots- because that worked out so well the last time- and then dies. Prowl does all the heavy lifting to actually get the planet back in shape, seeing as the fight with Unicron wrecked Cybertron so hard its trying to tear itself apart via earthquakes.

Cyberquakes?

Anyway,  Prowl works out a deal with the new leader of the Decepticons, Bludgeon, only to get sabotaged for his efforts, the Autobots being left to die as the 'Cons fly off to find new worlds to conquer.

Shockwave and Starscream- that’s right baby, he’s back- steal the Ark, unaware that there were multiple other people aboard. It’s like they didn’t even check. Galvatron is stowed away, and both Megatron and Ratchet- freshly separated- are stored in stasis pods. Ratchet wakes up and immediately crashes the ship into Canada, hoping to kill the Decepticons aboard. Galvatron lives, only to be trapped under the ice by a nasty fight with Fortress Maximus, the last Autobot left on Earth.

Back on Cybertron, Gridlock has a show of competence and reveals that he had extra ships hidden away, just in case the Decepticons tried anything funny. They get off the planet and go to fight some ‘Cons.

Optimus Prime is brought back from the dead. Hooray.

The Matrix is recreated. Wahoo.

The Autobots fight the Decepticons, defeating them once and for all. Or do they?

No, they don’t.

See, even the notes know what’s up.

Not even a year later, Optimus catches wind of Decepticon forces gathering along the edge of the galaxy. He decides to make Grimlock leader of the Earthforce- because Optimus never friggin’ learns- and they face off against Megatron and friends a few times before the Decepticons abandon Earth altogether. At some point, Fortress Maximus gets killed off. Grimlock disbands the Earthforce to chase the ‘Cons across the galaxy, and finds a Cybertronian empire, which holds at its center Liege Maximo, who claims to have created Megatron.

Well, that’s not exactly right; he claims to be Megatron’s progenitor.

It’s at this point I broke out the TFWiki, because that could mean a lot of things.

Still vague. Hmm. I’m onto you, Marvel comics. Don’t be jumping on the mechpreg just yet, we still have three more pages of notes to get through.

…What did I just say, Marvel comics?

Did I say three pages? I meant two paragraphs. Holy hell, that hits like a punch to the face, it does.

Okay, so this isn’t exactly what you think, believe it or not. This is describing the form of reproduction that was established in the Marvel comics known as budding- some unlucky robot’s body runs away with itself and basically vomits out another fully-formed ‘bot. It’s like their chest was chewing a huge wad of gum, tried to blow a bubble, but did it just a little too hard.

Getting back on track, Optimus Prime finds out about budding from Vector Sigma, but pulls out of their little pow-wow before he can be told about the byproduct of this birthing process- the Swarm, an ink-black cloud of evil energy that left Cybertron ages ago to find something to feed off of.

The Swarm finds its way home, interrupting yet another standoff between the Autobots/Decepticons and the Cybertronian Empire. A lot of folks die, and Optimus surrenders to the Swarm in an attempt to save his compatriots. The Swarm gets introduced to, and I quote: “concepts of nobility, compassion, and sacrifice”, then goes back into deep space to seek enlightenment.

Can you imagine if human afterbirth did that? You just had a baby, and now you have to beat your placenta off with a broom? Then the god-king of the world introduces it to meditation and kindness, and it goes off to find inner peace instead of killing everyone? Comic books are wild.

Other than that funky little aside, it’s business as usual for the Transformers- war! From 1995 to 2003, they’re fighting nonstop. Then the UN decides that Optimus Prime’s allowed to build a giant robot city on Earth. It sure is a good thing Optimus is such a nice guy, because I don’t think they would have been able to stop him otherwise. Imagine telling the thirty-foot tall robot-Jesus from space he needs a permit to build a city in the middle of the desert.

They build the city- Autobot City, in fact- with Metroplex the Titan sealed inside, just in case the Decepticons decide to try anything funny.

They do- it’s called The Transformers The Movie. There’s a slight difference in plot, in that the notes remind us of the fact that Galvatron is a time-traveling ponce, but other than that the movie’s the movie.

To summarize that- though I’d be surprised if I needed to- movie goes like this: It’s the distant future of 2005, ‘Cons attack Autobot City, Optimus gets shot and dies AGAIN, traumatizing thousands of children in the mid-80s, Megatron gets shunted into deep space, meets Orson Welles who makes him a thigh-tastic new body, Megatron-now-Galvatron turns Starscream into a small pile of ash, a bunch of robots get vored, Hot Rod fulfills his destiny and becomes the new space-Jesus, Unicron explodes, YOU GOT THE TOUCH YOU GOT THE POWER-

So after all that happens, the Autobots take back Cybertron and tell the remaining Decepticons to kindly screw off. Hot Rod- now Rodimus Prime- decides he’s not taking any chances and hires a bounty hunter to find and kill Galvatron, who’s off galavanting somewhere in space. Both Rodimus and the bounty hunter follow Galvatron through time- of course- and land in 1987, but return to the future/present empty-handed. While they were gone, Shockwave and a group of Decepticons showed up on Cybertron, resulting in a stalemate between the two factions.

In 2008, the bounty hunter shoots down Cyclonus and Scourge- Rodimus put a hit out on them, too- over the planet of Junk, home of the Junkions. Who else is there? Oh, just Unicron. He’s got the Junkions brainwashed and building him a new body. He uses the bounty hunter to kill Shockwave, instates Cyclonus and Scourge as the new Decepticon leaders, then gets blown up by Rodimus and Wreck-Gar. Cyclonus, Scourge, and the bounty hunter all go through a time portal as this is happening, and the two Transformers end up in 15th century Cybertron, where they’ll become Targetmasters. Their resumes must be very impressive at this point. Nobody’s sure where the bounty hunter’s gotten to- we’ll get back to him later.

Although his physical form has been destroyed, Unicron’s essence lives on inside the Matrix. This can only end well, surely.

Back on Cybertron, Soundwave takes control of the Decepticon forces.

The Quintessons break free from Unicron’s control, just in time to discover that their planet’s about to be torn apart by the space-time rift Cyclonus’ dead body made.

Are you beginning to see why I felt the need to summarize these notes?

The leader of the Quintessons decides that now is the perfect time to attack Autobot City on Earth, as well as Cybertron. This doesn’t go very well for the Quintessons, or their planet.

The time-rift is still causing issues, so Rodimus Prime grabs some Autobots and heads to the past, to go grab everyone’s favorite time-traveling ‘Cons. What happened there we already covered, so I’ll leave it at that.

Rodimus and friends return to the present, only to wind up in a parallel universe, and the fact that this is only the second time I’ve had to write “parallel universe” for this section of the breakdown honestly astounds me. Rodimus gets possessed by the spirit of Unicron, who was hiding in the Matrix as we covered earlier, but he handles it pretty well and they head back home.

Back in their original universe, they find Galvatron, Cyclonus and Scourge, repaired by the space-time rift. Rodimus destroys any and all time machines he can get his hands on at this point- the notes say it’s to keep a promise he made to Optimus, but between you and me, I think he’s just gotten sick of Galvatron’s shit.

A couple years after that, Unicron’s got himself a hot new bod, and now he’s gonna tear up the town. By "tear up”, I of course mean devour with the sole intent of destruction, and by “town", I mean the entirety of Cybertron. Rodimus Prime manages to stop him, by containing him within his body, perhaps his mind? The notes are vague here, but the Wiki seems to imply that he’s trapped within the Matrix again, which Rodimus holds.

Now it’s December 2012, and things aren’t going so great for the Autobots. The Decepticons have control of Cybertron, the remaining Autobots being forced into hiding underground. On Earth, Autobot city is manned by a hundred ‘bots, Ultra Magnus acting as leader. They’re there to make sure Earth’s safe from the ‘Cons, but there hasn’t been an attack in quite a bit.

That’s where the notes end. That’s everything you need to know before reading Eugenesis. So, what did we learn?

We learned that Galvatron and his goons time traveled so frequently they broke the laws of physics. Optimus is just as incapable of staying dead here as he is everywhere else- multiversal constant, that one. Rodimus is smarter than Optimus about confronting the enemy, in that he intends for them to die, either by his hand or one that’s been hired. Good for him, I say. Get the job done, Rodders.

We also learned that the mechpreg really isn’t Roberts’ fault. I mean, yeah, he probably leans on the concept a bit heavily, but he’s just working with what he was given by the franchise. We’ll see how deep that rabbit hole goes later on.

But I think the most important thing to glean from this is that comic timelines are a nightmare. That’s the real lesson here.

Okay! Notes are done! That means we can start on the novel, right?

No.

No, it doesn’t.

We still have the prequel to get through.

[zenosanalytic]

Solo Bouno

So I saw Solo on Tuesday and it’s a Good movie; not great, didn’t make a Huge impression on me, but Fun and Enjoyable and certainly something I’d happily watch once it makes it to cable, with a few quibbles.

The Good:

The acting was (mostly)good

The characters were well-written

The Dialogue was fun, funny, and unforced

While the Plot had Issues, it flowed well and felt natural, and there was nothing really eye-rolling in it.

All the technical aspects -Design, Cinematography, sound work, editing- were Proficient

Establishes the stakes quickly and effectively

Chewie is Great

Lando is Great

L3-37(yes, they REALLY named the robot l33t) is Great

The Quibbles:

It was a VERY Generic origin story

They didn’t set up themes they needed to, and didn’t really deliver a good payoff on the themes they did set up

Related to this, there are important character beats and payoffs that are never really setup(or “Planted”).

It could have done better with its female cast. I’ll get into this a bit more under spoilers

Alden Ehrenreich NEVER STOPS SMILING! I mean, that’s an exaggeration obvsl, but it was REALLY noticeable to me. IDK if this is an artifact of the editing, the directing, or Ehrenreich’s choices about the character(tbf, Han is BSing people A LOT in this film, and the smile was Ford’s BSing expression so...), and it wasn’t really grating or anything but, by the end, it did take me out of the story a bit.

Glover does Williams’ accent for Lando a few times and, while it isn’t bad, I liked his take on the character better without it.

The writing doesn’t really do enough to sell the second job and, while all the action which constitutes it is Fine, I kinda grumbled at how thin and absolutely not convincing that bit was.

Ok I think that’s it. On to my lengthier Spoiler-Quibbles:

Solo falls into the common prequel/origin story trap of trying to explain everything about a character. This is always a bad idea but, with this movie and this cast, it is a particularly Horrible idea. Han, Chewie, and Lando are the perfect sorts of characters for a series of matinee-type adventure movies -think Indiana Jones- and Solo, by shoving his whole backstory into one film and leaving him practically where we find him in Star Wars, really, really, really, makes that unlikely. An added negative of that is it takes what the OS establishes as years -maybe decades- old relationships between Han, Chewie, and Lando and turns them into a one-job acquaintance. That was a Very Bad Idea.

Han starts off speaking Wookie(albeit badly), and I feel like that choice leaves a lot of potential comedy&bonding on the table.

They really misuse Thandie Newton and her character, Val. She dies practically as soon as she’s introduced, and in a way that doesn’t feel honest to the character or situation. If they’d just put the bombs on a timer rather than a detonator this would have been less bad

This is compounded by how little mourning and upset Beckett, her lover and longtime partner, is allowed to displayed over her death(oh, and the deaths of his entire crew. Oh, and the loss of the future they’d planned together).

Half of Beckett’s initial crew disappears between scenes, and this is never explained. It really isn’t a big deal and I didn’t even realize it until thinking about the movie just now, but it seems like kind of a significant continuity error. Maybe they die, and I’m just not remembering it?

This actually could have worked, though, if the movie were a bit more willing to invest in characters other than Han. Later in the movie Beckett betrays Han over what to do with the Hyperfuel they’ve stolen. If he’d been shown as really angry and upset over these deaths, or if he’d been shown to be the sort willing to sacrifice lives for the score, then all of this stuff could have tied into a really neat ambiguous antihero narrative for him. Unfortunately, he’s consistently shown to be sentimental, friendly, even fatherly. He only gets visibly angry at Han once and only for an instant; isn’t angry at the Cloud Riders at all, even though they’re responsible for the deaths of Val and Rio; and only once comes even close to suggesting a score matters more than their lives, and only does that right after Val and Rio’s deaths. As a result, his betrayal feels detached from the character we’ve known up to that point. And what’s his motivation? The life he planned to live once his debts were cleared is gone and, by stealing the Hyperfuel for himself at the end, he’s guaranteed to live under a bounty for the rest of his life. It just doesn’t fit.

The same arc-confusion plagues Clarke’s Qi’ra. She also betrays Han in the end -maybe out of a desire to protect him, maybe out of pragmatism, but most likely from ambition- but the conflict her choice is a solution to is never established. It’s never established that she might be using Han and he’s unwilling to see it. They suggest Qi’ra is morally different from the person Han knew as a kid with(I think?) one passing line of dialogue, but the film doesn’t show anything that’d convince the audience she is, and shows lots of things(like her attempts to hide her brand from Han) which suggest she regrets her current life and wants out, not deeper in. Her making the choice she does thinking it was the best way to protect them both would make sense with the character on the screen(though, given that Han is Beckett’s only living accomplice by the end, it seems more like he’d catch the blame for it too, particularly once Beckett’s dead), but the movie presents it as a power-grab.

There’s a lot of stuff in here that’s either changes to, or taken from, the EU. References like this can be fun, but they’re always a gamble since you’re relying on information from outside the movie which the audience might not be aware of, and thus be confused and annoyed by. The Wookies have, apparently, been forced off their homeworld and enslaved en masse. Darth Maul’s not dead, but rather the head of the Syndicate Qi’ra (literally)belongs to(they even have him pull out the double-headed lightsaber and brandish it while he’s holoing her at the end so people will realize who he is; it’s ridiculous). The Cloud Riders who interrupted their first attempt to steal Hyperfuel turn out to be working with the Rebellion. The last one’s not a HUGE deal, but the others I thought were pretty odd choices.

They give Han a (very generic)rough backstory, but then present him as just a totally unambiguous, noncynical, non-gritty, good guy and softboy. Which, yes, he should have a heart of gold absolutely, but without ambiguity there’s no tension; no concern over what sort of choice he’s going to make. The whole “Rogue with a Heart of Gold” dynamic only works, narratively, when the character is both a Rogue, and kind-hearted to people hanging by a thread. This Solo isn’t really a Rogue; hell, he doesn’t even cheat at poker!

Miscellaneous Spoilers:

They kill off L3 ~halfway through the movie, and I’m ambivalent about it. She dies cheering on an enslaved rebellion she unwittingly started, which fits the character, but I think it would have been more fitting if she’d set it off intentionally, and if she’d died in a more active way; she is shooting at the slavers earlier in that sequence, but during the scene where she’s shot she’s cheering the rebels with her back turned to the danger and gets blind-sided. I mean, just having her get iced while shouting advice, or while looking back to Lando while still fighting, would have been much better. Also, while I didn’t think it was manpainy(Lando is justifiably and visibly upset about it, but that doesn’t become the focus of her death), they do then later strip her harddrive to merge it with the Falcon’s navigation computer, and that sort of direct utilizing of a female-coded character’s death and body to advance the (male-protags’)story didn’t sit right with me in the theater. It’s not handled really terribly or anything, in fact they do it in crisis as a sort of last-resort, but I still kinda |:T’d at it.

Lando has A LOT of capes, and it is Wonderful uwu Also he is an author and possible vlogger, which is Also Wonderful uwu uwu

Erin Kellyman as Enfys Nest has a small but important part, and she makes a big impression with it. We have the whole movie to get to know Han(on top of already liking him from the previous films) and I still found myself more interested in her story and her crew when they revealed their true nature at the end, than with New!Han(who wasn’t really even that bad; I know I’m ragging on Ehrenreich but he did alright with what had to have been an intimidating part). I guess this is also an excellent example of how important Mystique --NOT explaining things; leaving them vague-- can be to character-charisma.

That’s everything I can think of right now. Don’t be fooled by the length of that quibblelist though; it’s absolutely a fun movie and, if you like Star Wars and the Star Wars setting and, if the price of a ticket won’t hurt your wallet, it’s definitely worth seeing. A Fun, Funny, Entertaining, Summer Movie, and a good way to spend an afternoon.

P.S.: Plus, for the more politically minded and spiteful among us(read: Me), it’ll piss off legions of entitled manbabies online who want to get Kathleen Kennedy fired for having the temerity to be a woman while running Star Wars.