sorry Sanji not only am I late for your birthday but also all you get is pain shdjjd
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I really wanna draw a happy birthdayboy Sanji all smiley and wobbly 💗💗💗 but cant sketch anything new rn and cleaning the comic is much easier, no thoughts, head empty
Anyway, ramble time
I don't have much experience with making comics, the żabka AU one being the one I roughed out first, but it was much less complicated. I dont recall making a serious comic effort before that... I now have a newfound admiration for drawing fight scenes, found it extremely hard lmao Generally I keep second guessing myself, always thinking I should have added more panels to make what's happening more clear, not sure if the flow of it is right. Even though I already moved onto cleaning I still keep making changes to the sketched out panels that were supposed to be final lol I also second guess the plot I'd planned, maybe I didn't think this characterization through enough? What if people dislike it?
But! If I keep tweaking and overthinking it I'll end up never posting it and I don't want that. And if I focus on other people's judgement I won't find joy in making art and I don't want that either.
So here's to sharing art! Regardless of mistakes and doubts 💗
I'm a firm believer that Edwin does NOT have internalized homophobia ☝️ repressed his sexuality? sure, obviously. but internalized hatred for himself? NO!!!
My man immediately confessed his love to Charles once he realized what his feelings were. He was going to even earlier but literally got dragged to Hell in the middle of it !!! He did not question the validity of his feelings and he definitely didn't question whether he was allowed to feel them !!!
Edwin has a lot of complexities when it comes to dealing with and acknowledging his emotions, but this is not one of them. Charles is not one of them.
always happy about the fact that in 2012, mikey often asked donnie questions if he didn't understand something and donnie always answered no matter what
this can be seen in a bunch of episodes but my favorite example of it it's the one in half shell heroes where mikey is extremely excited to be in the museums and is the one actively asking donnie questions about the exhibits they saw and also actively listening to donnie's explanation (before raph got silly lmao). he was very excited to learn!!!
And while it's true that mikey would lose interest quite fast if the explanation got too lengthy with too many technical terms, it doesn't change the fact that he does retain the info donnie is always rambling on about different things!!! (even if mikey himself doesn't notice he's doing it lol) and also i find it very sweet that no matter if donnie himself got annoyed, donnie would always answer the questions. no matter what. he would always try to explain if he didn't understand something
This is prob because mikey is the one brother who is often seeking out donnie to pass time around him Meaning that donnie might have used mikey as his rubber ducky whenever mikey hangs out with him while he's working (explained him a lot of his experiments and theories while trying to solve them himself and in this way mikey also learnt in the process WHILE spending time with his brother! win win!)
it also helps donnie because accompanies him while not letting him get lonely in his lab 24/7, sometimes explaining things to someone makes it better to understand it yourself AND it's shown in the comics that donnie is quite used to his brothers just Living as background noise and literally cannot function without it lmao
They are literally the two smart kids in the family even if none of them notice it and it's all because mikey looks up to his brother and is like an sponge with donnie around. donnie is actively teaching mikey and mikey is learning! even if they have no idea they are doing it
imagining Charlie having an Oh moment when she finds Vaggie napping in a chair one day, early on, with Razzle and Dazzle sprawled out over Vaggie like they're trying to cover as much of her small body as they can with their own even smaller ones-
Charlie pulls out her phone and stealthily inches closer for a picture (she's doesn't' wanna wake them she swears) (she's just never seen something so cuuuuute-)
but a floor board squeaks and Razzle cracks an eye open to glower while Dazzle shushes her
and Charlie stops
There's another Oh... moment, because they've never shushed her before. They were brought to life to keep her safe and they've always only cared about that one thing- it took months for them to stop following Vaggie around the house suspiciously, like they always did with anyone Charlie tried having a relationship with, like a pair of silent, plush guard dogs-
(glaring at Vaggie from shadows, from across the table at breakfast and dinner, from the pillows directly over her head when Charlie finally convinced her maybe sharing a bed would help with the night terrors)
-but that'd all changed, at some point. Only, Charlie hadn't noticed until now
now she does. Now suddenly, she wonders
Charlie creeping over on silent, careful hooves, to gently stroke between the tiny wings of her childhood friends, looking from them to Vaggie's relaxed and sleeping face (getting a little lost watching her, for moment) (reaching out to tuck back a strand of the hair Vaggie is growing out long, accidently stroking Vaggie's cheek, forgetting to take her hand away afterwards) (the longer hair is hard not to play with, she excuses)
Charlie leaning in and asking Razzle and Dazzle, in the softest whisper-
"....are you keeping her safe for me?"
a pair of soft little churrs rising up in answer. Two little plush demons, snuggling closer to Vaggie as Vaggie frowns in her sleep, shifting restlessly, stirring-
Charlie freezing bc she has NO idea what to say if Vaggie wakes up and finds her- well. looming kinda?? while Vaggie SLEEPS???
it feels different than just already being there when Vaggie wakes up in the night, different in how waking up like that was normal when they'd gone to bed together, but crouching down to STARE at someone like this, with your hand still on her cheek, scared to move it in case that REALLY wakes her up when she DIDN'T get much sleep last night and DIDN'T wake you up that time for some reason so you couldn't snuggle her or make her feel better and now you might startle her instead or make her feel awkward which you hate- you don't want her to ever feel awkward around you-
it doesn't matter though
because Vaggie settles down again, as Dazzle croons quietly and Razzle reaches out a little paw to gently press her arm
she used to jump and flinch a little every time she saw them
when did that change?
these days she flicks little snacks at them from off her plate, no matter how many times Charlie reminds her they have their OWN plates and their OWN donuts and are just begging to get ATTENTION, the little show-stealers-
(not like Charlie's doing that too by complaining) (noooooo) (not like she grins like an idiot when Vaggie smiles and says cute things deserve a little extra attention, while looking over at Charlie instead)
these days any annoying demon who comes looking to curry favor with Lucifer (or trying pulling one over Morningstar's "naïve" daughter) gets pinned by THREE dangerous glares while waiting at the door for Charlie to hurry downstairs and meet them
(or rather shoo them away before they say something too not nice and Vaggie grabs her spear while Razzle and Dazzle get within ankle biting range)
when she thinks about it, things have been different for a while now
better. They've been better, and Charlie still doesn't know when or how it happened, and maybe that part doesn't matter so much anyway
in the present, Charlie takes the chance to retrieve her hand (reluctantly..) so she can slip off her jacket and tuck it around the three of them- Razzle, Dazzle. Vaggie- her two old friends and one new but very important one-
important enough to be considered part of her, by them as were created to protect her
and that's a new idea too. but she likes it a lot, she thinks
she likes being part of a family again
-
Vaggie wakes up a good solid two hours of nap time later with Razzle and Dazzle draped over her like furry boas and Charlie's head in her lap, a former Exorcist absolutely COVERED in cuddly demons-
she stays completely still for another hour more afterwards, stiff neck be damned, watching the three of them sleep. Smiling.
.... (it's only the three of them, later)
(when vaggie flutters up and finds razzle curled up on dazzle's memorial, the night after the battle. when she tucks him into her shoulder and heads back to her and charlie's rebuilt room. as a relieved and teary eyed charlie scoops him up and the three up them huddle together under vaggie's reformed wings)
(it's only three of them... but part of why charlie cries that night is knowing dazzle did his job- vaggie is still here)
(dazzle did his best. and for everything charlie lost, the old hotel, too many of the cannibals who followed her, almost all the egg bois, sir pentious, dazzle himself, the faith that she could solve all this without anyone getting hurt...)
(she didn't lose the part of herself that'd held her together the night before the battle, held so many other times, through family calls and failed meetings with heaven) (she didn't lose vaggie-)
(and some of charlie's tears that night, for dazzle, are grateful)
(he died trying to keep charlie safe. and he did. he did)
its actually so insane how cute ive gotten just on 9 months of hrt and growing out my hair. i always figure i kinda just look the same as i did like a year or two ago but then i actually look at old pictures and i look at myself in the mirror and its like a whole different person. like there really are chemicals that have been inside me for months and theyre having an effect and. well im just so happy
something about perspective, representation, or finding beauty in imperfection, i don't know. i mostly just wanted to say that fake pep looks like shitty ice cream.
number #1 tactic that people use to not sound as racist as they are when they talk to black people: 'uhh so you AMERICANS need to stop pretending everything is about YOU. why should i know this im not from the us :/' (= is talking about like. a phenomenally internationally well-known black artist)
i keep coming back to 'i was a functioning alcoholic til nobody noticed my new aesthetic' because i do distinctly remember conversations about how taylor seemed to be drinking a lot more and getting drunk at like every awards show she went to. and those conversations were coming from a place of concern and of hoping that she was alright and that this wasn't a problem.
so to then say 'ugh i can't believe no one noticed this problem i had' when i know that people definitely did, and on the same album say that fans who are genuinely concerned about a new relationship that you are in are just 'bitching and moaning'? what do you want from them? you're talking about so many people who do at least believe that they are coming from a place of care and concern, and you are totally dismissing them on both ends of a scale!
not to mention that her implying that since nobody (???) was noticing her ~aesthetic~ drinking problem she just stopped having it is a bit of a kick in the teeth to people who do have drinking problems and can't just stop having them, since that's not how it fucking works.
the shibuya arc is almost over, i still cant believe it started off with 5 episodes of teen gojo and suguru having the best and then the worst time of their lives all to the back drop of a slice of life setting. I think i will always chose to live in those first 5 episodes they dedicated an entire marketing campaign to.
whenever sam brings up his childhood, its always like "awww so cute <3333" followed by "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST" approximately 2 seconds later
like "awww he had an imaginary friend, thats so sweet! i love sully!" and then "oh jesus, his imaginary friend is real and was there to fill in the gaps so that sam didn't fall through them :((("
or "aww sam had a dog friend" followed by "sam lived with his dog friend in an abandoned house cause he ran away for TWO WEEKS, apparently one of his happiest childhood memories wtf"
or "awww dean read to him" and then "oh the whole time he was thinking about how he was dirty and wrong haha 0_0"
there's a post floating around on here somewhere about a ceramics class where half the students were instructed to make as many pots as possible no matter the quality, and the other half were instructed to make only one high-quality pot. by the end of the class, the students who had made lots of pots were making better pots than the ones who were supposed to make one perfect pot, and the lesson there was that you get better at things by making more things and letting yourself be bad at it, rather than trying to make one perfect thing.
you have to make shitty things because you have to make things, because making things at all is more important than making good things, because making shitty things is how you make better things.
a friend made the joke that "maybe not THAT shitty though, like that's not even a shitty pot anymore that's just a plate," and while i kind of agree (that's a whole different post), i also immediately went another layer deep with the metaphor: even if it's not a pot, a plate will still teach you things. a plate has its own purpose, independent of a pot - it's job isn't to be a pot, it's not going to teach you the same things that a pot would, but it has a purpose too. just because it's not what you wanted to make or meant to make doesn't mean it's not useful! nothing made is ever wasted.
He's an amalgamation of Thancred and Ran'jit, his face, his voice and his weapon is Thancred's, but his body, his fighting style and his words are Ran'jit's.
Throughout the fight Fatebreaker constantly makes comments about how only he can protect Ryne, only he can provide for her, only he has even the right to so much as stand beside her, to be in her general presence. He's possessive and obsessive, repeatedly asserting that she is HIS and his only. Which is exactly what Ran'jit says basically every time we encounter him.
But this time it's in Thancred's voice. This time it's with the voice and face of a man she actually cares about.
Ryne isn't scared of Thancred, she never has been. Even when she first met him she was barely even nervous (as clearly shown in Thancred's short story). There's a lot of different feelings happening between those two, but fear has never been one of them.
But now, after things have gotten so much better, she is scared of Thancred becoming like Ran'jit. Because if Thancred was just a little further gone, if he was just a little less compassionate, he would've. It wouldn't be hard for him to go down the same path as Ran'jit did, to be incapable of letting go of the ghost of that girl he loved so so much to the point he'd stubbornly grip anything close to her he could. He didn't, but the fact he could've is terrifying.
It makes his final words, words that are Thancred's, so very important. This is her deepest fears made manifest, but he still says he wants her to be happy. Her happiness not only matters, but is important to him.