#and the cat is exceptionally evil

[peaopol]

little did he know this cat would go on to kill everyone and everything he would ever know

[blue-blue-blooms]

A Little Crush   

Eddie Munson x Henderson!Reader

Part 1

Summary: In which Eddie develops a crush on the Henderson sister.

You weren't sure exactly when your life had gone to absolute shit. Was it when you found a strange, superpowered adolescent girl living in Mike Wheeler's basement? Was it when you walked in on a baby demogorgan eating your cat? Or was it when you were drugged by evil Russians operating under Starcourt Mall? You couldn't even remember a time when life was normal. If someone had told you that you would become best friends with Steve 'The Hair' Harrington and fight literal monsters from an alternate universe alongside Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan 'The Creep' Byers a few years ago, you would've laughed in their face. Now? You'd survived the most traumatising events of your life alongside these people. You were bonded for life.

The last few years had also made you closer with Dustin. You loved your baby brother and his weird friends, especially since you'd spent so much time babysitting them. But no amount of love could make you say yes to what they were asking of you.

"Please?" Dustin begged, following you down the hallway as you made your way to Ms. O'Connell's class.

"No! I have, like, three essays due this week, Dustin. I don't have the time to sub." You respond.

"It's only for tonight! Lucas can't make it and we really need a sub. We're nearly done with the campaign and Eddie will kill us if we make him reschedule!" Dustin pleads.

You were really happy that Dustin and Mike had found a safe space in high school. Lord knows those two idiots needed it. Freshmen year is probably the toughest of them all. You're new, scared, and lonely. You were really glad that they'd found friends, a place where they could be their nerdy selves and feel accepted. Hell, even you'd dabbled in their interests when you'd babysat them. DnD wasn't half bad, and not nearly as hard to undertand as you once thought. You'd spent many nights in Mike's basement playing with them. The first few times, you'd get your character killed in the first fifteen minutes. But after a while, you started making progress (even though you're convinced that the party was exceptionally lenient with you after you once burst into tears over getting killed off).

"I'll do your half of the chores for a week!" Dustin exclaims.

That makes you stop.

"A week?" You turn around to look at him, "Make it two weeks and I'll sub."

"Two? Are you insane!?" Dustin yells, making a few people lingering in the hallway turn and look at you both.

"Two or no deal, Dusty Buns," You tease, "And be quick, I'm late for my class."

"Fine!" Dustin says, "And stop calling me 'Dusty Buns'"

"Why? Is that nickname just for Suzy Poo?" You tease.

Dustin glowers at you as you walk off.

♡♡♡

"So, who's the DM?" You ask as you walk alongside Dustin and Mike.

"It's Eddie, Eddie Munson. He's a senior. Long hair, wears a hellfire T-Shirt, I talk about him constantly. God, do you ever listen to me?" Dustin claims exasperatedly.

"Oh! Eddie as in your new favorite older male best friend who Steve's weirdly jealous of?" You ask, "I've seen him around. Is he the one who jumps on lunch tables and yells a lot?"

"Yup." Mike responded, "He's a bit scary when he's revved up. Just warning you beforehand in case he comes off...a bit intimidating."

You nod.

"Hasn't he been held back, like, three times?" You ask.

Before either of the boys could answer, you reach the room. The first thing you see is the table where the game is set. There are three boys sat around, all with Hellfire T-Shirts on. Your eyes fleet from one to the other until finally landing on Eddie. You recognise him immediately from the amount of times you've seen him yelling in the cafeteria.

Dustin and Mike failed to mention how cute he was, you think.

His hair was long and wavy. He was wearing multiple rings. And he was covered in tattoos. You're pretty sure you saw a few bats peeking from under his sleeve.

"Who's this?" One of the guys asks, making all three turn around and look at you.

"This is Y/N! She's subbing for Lucas!" Mike says, the words spilling out fast and nervously.

Why the hell are they so jittery?

"Yeah, she's my sister! The one I mentioned a couple days ago." Dustin adds.

"Does she even know how to play DnD?" The other boy asks.

"Okay, excuse me, I wouldn't have come if I didn't know how to play," You finally speak, waving your hand a little to get their attention.

"So, this is your infamous sister?" Eddie finally speaks, his eyes landing on you, "You know, I thought he made you up. What's your class and level? Level One Elf?"

Elf? Is he mocking me?

"Are you mocking me?" You ask incredously.

"Is he mocking me?" you turn towards Dustin and Mike who immediately start gesticulating, probably asking you to shut up.

"My name is Aeren Sirenfall and I'm a level 14 chaotic good half-elf rogue. I will sneak behind any monster you throw my way and stab them in the back with my poison-soaked kukri. And I'll smile as I watch them die a slow...agonising...death." You say, your voice slow and hard as you glare at Eddie, "So, are we gonna play this stupid game or not?"

You're pretty sure you hear one of the boys mutter a 'she's terrifying' to Dustin.

You watch as Eddie's eyes slowly soften and a grin emerges on his face, "Welcome to Hellfire Club."

[aj-lenoire]

i’m gonna rank the invinci-twerps

fully-masked invincible — admittedly i'm compelled by his desire not to conquer the multiverse but reunite with his mother, i wish we'd gotten a scene with our debbie and him. 4/10 mama's boy

unmasked invincible (not pictured) — he seems polite, i like his uniform, and he says he misses william, so again i'm intrigued!! i wish we'd seen them interact, or heard why he misses william. 3/10 lbr probably killed him

scarvincible — i am at least somewhat curious about an evil mark who both betrayed his world and rejected the viltrumite empire. 2/10 fugly on the inside

droopy — what is even the purpose of that stupid little face curtain?? keeping bugs out your mouth while you fly?? certainly didn't help against the zombie robots now did it. 1/10 at least he had a funny line

goggless — the entire point of the goggles was to keep the wind out of your eyes while flying, dumbass. also he is way too hype about murdering even by evil invincible standards 0/10 i AM kinkshaming

bald cap — doesn't know who oliver is, was kind of curious about how he/other marks would react to a half-brother, especially one who's from a 'lesser' species. -1/10 the vibes were rancid

bumblebee — the way he screamed for angstrom after being transported to the sand dimension was so pathetic, but he killed nolan and that ain't nothin! -2/10 NO CAPES

viltrumite — wow you're so cool for doing exactly what your dad told you to do. also you got your ass beat by a furry. -4/10 bootlicker doesn't have an original bone in his body

utility belt — got his neck snapped by the zombie robots that don't even slow our mark down -7/10 try harder

longvincible — what in the 1980s gymrat -8/10 fuck off back to warrior cats

movincihawk — awful name, worse hair, and he sounds exceptionally whingey. i 100% believe this twerp had nothing better to do than someone else's dirty work -10/10 cringe af

armoured invincible — why? aren't you, like, nigh indestructible? what material would be so strong as to provide any worthwhile advantage? -12/10 you look like a knockoff voltron character

the stache — a variant who joined the viltrumite empire should have at least been strong enough to take on one single opponent -14/10 shave that caterpillar off your lip and accept your dad doesn't love you

sporty spice — how is the fleece baggy at the neck but fitted at the hands?? i'm assuming you're the cringefail one who got fried by fuckin POWERPLEX -18/10 OPEN-TOED SHOES

knockoff omni-man — broke eve's leg and killed his own mother -20/10 you have daddy issues and your hair looks stupid

shoulder-markings (not pictured) — might be the leader of the empire in his universe?? -30/10 openly condones enslaving people and eugenics

big ass goggles — you killed rex. fuck you. -100/10

[fallenclan]

Feel free to ignore if it's answered in an upcoming scene but what happens when the cats revoke the lives they gave a leader like Scorchstar did? She absorbed it so I assume she physically took it, so what did they do to her? She looked white and faded in the end so did she give up her right to exist as a ghost in the process and fade away? Sorry if im overthinking all of this

it's probably not going to come up, so I don't mind explaining! essentially when a Starclan cat Gives a life to a new leader, that life has to come from somewhere, right? now, I could go the exceptionally tragic route and have that Starclan cat give up their Own ghostly life as sacrifice, but I'm not quite that evil, so the lives they give are essentially just... not quite Lives. more like Power. starlight and energy and so on. Scorchstar didn't really absorb it, just carried it back to Starclan when she left--she's still up there ghosty as ever!

[dvilsdesire]

"I much prefer a cat." - Raphael

So I have this Raphael headcanon that he's actually very attracted to defiance. Or perhaps I should say... a challenge.

Now, this comes sexually and simply just as a general attraction. There's some lines that Raphael says about how he is not impressed by suck ups, and especially the line about anything being duller than a loyal dog, he much prefers a cat "meow" (silly devil actually meows, I love him haha).

I think that this can stem directly from Raphael being 1. half human, 2. an intellectual, and 3. sadomasochism (his own disgust in himself when it comes to his feelings of self worth).

So let's delve into this a little deeper.

1. Raphael's a half devil.

One might think that a devil would fall in love with obedience, and while I definitely agree that Raphael IS in love with obedience, this comes from simply his devil side. Devil's are Lawful creatures, which mean that they strive in order, and that they do believe in their laws, and follow the laws of Baator. They are strict, rigid, and if they are broken, there are severe consequences, such as demotion (which is worse than the true death for devils). They have this super strict caste system, which means ALL of society KNOWS and you are only worth your level (until you are able to be promoted, which is NOT easy in the Nine Hells). Devils can be promoted only by devils higher than ones self, and you've got to suffer the legitimate PHYSICAL pain of promotion to be worthy, not to mention there has to be a position available for you to take.

Raphael, in my hc, grew up in Cania alongside his (absent and neglectful) father. Raphael would have been watched CLOSELY, and taught all of the laws of Cania and Baator in general, and grew into a very Lawful Evil being. Now, being lawful and breaking the rules are two very separate things. Devils use loopholes, trickery and twisted words to con people. They use desperation, and eliminate other choices so there is all but one remaining: theirs. They prey upon mortal ailments and suffering to get the souls they need and want. No law breaking needed. It's not hard to break a person that's already desperate, so there's loads of options on the Material Plane which is an excellent feeding ground.

So, down to obedience, Raphael would like it by default. Especially because it gives him a sense of empowerment. This is a devil who (in my opinion) suffered a LOT of neglect and feeling worthless because, as a cambion, he was seen as a lesser devil. I also headcanon that Raphael exiled HIMSELF from Cania and left for Avernus because Mephistopheles refused to promote him, so Raphael, scorned, went elsewhere, to the land of opportunity within the Hells (Zariel is more than willing to allow outcasts to live in her realm, though I imagine they have some kind of a deal going on with each other and Raphael likely aids her in other ways). Also note that Raphael still goes to Cania, so his father likely still holds tabs on him, and despite his self exile, likely still summons his son from time to time. Raphael likely isn't able to refuse... (re: control factor).

Most devils are exceptionally self absorbed, and we know Raphael isn't any different. Obedience, naturally, would be a turn on. HOWEVER, since I am talking about disobedience, this is where this shift happens.

Raphael is still half human, and in that regard, he has been neglected and oppressed by his own people. This causes a sense of REBELLION within Raphael. We see this in his act to thwart his father, and to gain revenge on the Archdevil that stole the Crown of Karsus from him. If we go off the assumption that Raphael is living in Avernus for other reasons, it still seems to be an act of rebellion against remaining in Cania--unless he was exiled or told to be there. I guess we could scratch that out and say he's still working for Meph, but to me, it feels like father and son pretty much detest each other, and Raphael would prefer to be as far away as possible to his father (he does not speak highly of Mephisto at ALL, calling him a frigid archivist, speaking out of spite in the name of, who we could presume, is his lord if he was living in Cania, and is still his father). It's not Zariel that devours his body, it's Mephistopheles, so I tend to presume his soul went back to Cania after his death.

As a human, many children naturally rebel from their parents. It's a part of growing up, maturing, following ones own path, etc. In the name of Baator, however... this would be seen as a SERIOUS no no. To speak out against your Archdevil. Worthy of serious punishment imo.

As a half human, Raphael carries emotions inside him that full devils would not even begin to understand. Humans are exceptionally complex, and cambions are at war with themselves CONSTANTLY when it comes to their mortal/devil halves. Becoming rebellious is not generally (I say generally but it's not impossible) the nature of a devil, who are law abiding citizens in their caste system, only wanting promotion to gain power to the next level.

So, this attraction to disobedience as a human, I believe, stems from an almost inner appreciation, in the fact that Raphael, himself, wishes he could be MORE disobedient himself within his devil society, that he even may admire such a thing in someone else--as frustrating as it would also be for Raphael. A jealous man, I consider, would likely even be envious.

2. Raphael is an intellectual.

Canonically, Raphael IS intelligent. We see that he obviously studies a lot of things to gain knowledge, let alone his own creativity and interests in leaning and gaining knowledge (his tales of poetry, dreams/nightmares, his ideals, chess talk, etc).

I believe that Raphael is attracted to a challenge. Korrilla says that Raphael enjoys puzzles, which is why he's interested in Tav and Co (no, I don't believe he's sexually attracted to Tav, I believe he's intellectually attracted to Tav because he finds them interesting and useful to his cause). I don't believe, in general, Raphael is sexually attracted to anyone other than himself.

In saying that, sexual attraction (and/or romantic attraction), does not mean an attraction in general. Hope, as an example, has become Raphael's obsession over the years, and that's because of her disobedience. He wants to BREAK her, he wants to break her down so much that she turns into a good follower and worships him just like Korrilla. He insists, and keeps on trying, despite her defiance. It keeps him coming back, more and more, harder at each time, despite the fact that she spits at him, calls him nasty names, and he could... quite easily... just kill her. No, instead, Raphael thrives on the idea that he can CHANGE her, he thrives on getting what is downright near impossible with Hope.

And yes, we can say that that is all because he wants her to become a loyal little pup, because the greater they are, the harder they fall, right? No doubt that would absolutely give Raphael satisfaction. But what after that? I can see that he would grow exceptionally bored with her afterwards, because the thrill is no longer there. The satisfaction of breaking her down, yes, but then that's another little puzzle piece finished... and it would grow tepid without that challenge, without that bite. Quite honestly... she'd become that dull, loyal dog.

Haarlep, I feel, is another great example. This is a creature that openly defies Raphael and insults him. If you're bedding the devil for years and years, you've learned a fair few things. Taking away the fact that I am an avid Raphlep shipper, I tend to try and break things down logically and unbiased (but forgive me if I can't entirely lol).

Haarlep, for all intents and purposes... could be killed, gotten rid of, banished, whatever from Raphael's HoH. Sure, he might be a personal incubus from Mephistopheles, and one I believe Raphael likely couldn't deny, but Raphael has options. Lock Haarlep in the dungeon, punish Haarlep, make Haarlep the toy in this relationship. Instead... Raphael is the one that keeps Haarlep around in the boudoir. ANY incubus could wear his face. ANY. But Haarlep has been in service for an extended period of time.

Haarlep does not come off as the type to be obedient. In fact, everything Haarlep oozes is cheeky and mischievous. Playful and cocky. Haarlep's personality definitely seems dominant in the little that we see, and I've made so many long headcanons and analysis of his character, I'm not going to delve into it here, lol. Either way, Lep seems to ABSOLUTELY be the kind of fiend that is disobedient, challenging in nature, and defiant.

I believe that this relationship wouldn't have stood a chance if Raphael didn't ENJOY the banter. He didn't enjoy the challenge of Haarelp's personality against his own. Someone that could stand up to him, challenge him and make him feel alive and thrive in that environment.

I'm not saying Raphael enjoys being told he sucks in bed (he's absolutely 110% a sore loser), but I believe he would be exceptionally bored in bed if Haarlep didn't pose as a challenge. Raphael still has his standards and appearances to keep up, but let's not forget that Raphael is also an actor. He's also canonically, an exclusive bottom in the bedroom.

Haarlep is absolutely an advantage to have around the house, they can please guests and play with them in the boudoir and offer their services etc, and ofc... Raphael has his own personal mirror that can fuck him into oblivion.

Which, let's speak about that next.

3. Raphael is a sadomasochist, which I believe stems from feelings of inadequacy and lack of familiar love.

I'd say it's pretty common for any devil of Baator to enjoy sadism and/or masochism. And, personally, I think that Raphael IS a sadist, but I also believe he's a masochist in the bedroom, particularly with Haarlep.

Raphael enjoys seeing others suffer. It's natural. It's part of being a devil. He tortures people and gains satisfaction from it re: Hope. I do believe that he finds sexual excitement from watching this (but again, I don't believe he had any romantic or sexual attraction to Hope, the sexual satisfaction was purely from a sadistic point of view).

Masochism can be traced back to feelings of inadiquacy and a lack of love, a feeling that one needs to be punished because they do not live up to standards and ideas of others (mostly... parents). This is a very generic psychological point of view, and not everyone shares the same experience. Sexual interests and behaviours have been studied for YEARS, and it's flexible. This is, however, how I see Raphael (you do not have to agree with me).

Raphael, the son of Mephistopheles, who we all can pretty much agree on that would not have won Father of the Year. On top of that, Raphael is a cambion--a half devil, and seen as less efficient than many other higher devils. Cambions are used as mercenaries, messengers, and pretty much cannon fodder for the Blood War, if not outright ABANDONED and live as outcasts on their own. The fact that Raphael makes a living doing so many deals and collecting so many souls is a pretty good achievement.

Let's remember that not ALL devils can travel to the Realms either, so cambions are actually very good for being able to travel back and forth between the Nine Hells and the Material Plane. Something that I feel is exceptionally undervalued due to their caste system. Raphael, despite being the son of an Archdevil, is still JUST a cambion, and therefore a lesser half-breed devil.

The insult that would come with that, the pressure of being overshadowed by an Archdevil father, would likely be exceptionally oppressive. Thus, Raphael has never felt good enough or worthy, despite what he tells people.

Deep down inside, I believe that Raphael's narcissistic tenancies, are actually linked to this deep seeded feeling of being unworthy and inadequate, because of what he is: a mere cambion. A devil that requires sleep, requires food, requires mortal needs, unlike other devils that can continue working all day and night because they don't NEED any of those things.

In a well oiled machine, Raphael is seen as inefficient. And that in itself is SUCH an awful thing to feel, like you're never good enough simply because of what you are. He didn't choose to be a cambion, he was MADE that way, but he has to live with the consequences of actions that were not his, and if he complains about it? Well who the fuck is going to listen or care, and in the end, him bitching about it likely only made him prove their point. Thus, he denies his inadequacies as a way of feeling worthy and better, and became narcissistic as a ways to battle against that deep self loathing and personal hate that surrounds him. It's denial. It's a psychological protective barrier.

That, in itself, is an act of defiance, even if it's also an act of denial, and a means for him to hide those feelings of inadequacy and bury them so deeply beneath his self love for himself. No one else loved him, so he would love himself, and he would prove them all wrong by being the best damn devil he can be. By winning, by taking over the Nine Hells, this suicide mission of his that we ALL know isn't possible. He is destined to fail, but failure is NOT an option to Raphael.

But, in many ways, it's obviously worked. He's in Avernus, he's got an ascended form, and he's clearly more powerful than many other devils to be scheming so much and Meph hasn't killed him yet, or anyone else for that matter. I won't delve into my hc about any of the social structure and what I think Raphael is in a devil world, though.

This is about his act of rebellion and defiance, which I believe he's also done. He's also attempting to overtake the Nine Hells, which in itself is a MASSIVE act of defiance. In a world where devil law is the LAW and no one questions it, when devils are like bees to hive, and everyone has their duty and place within society, but Raphael wants more.

Ambitious? Yes, but also challenging and rebellious. Raphael makes such a good fucking villain because his failure is not an option, because if he doesn't believe in himself, then who will? No one. His battle is as much internal as it is external. To prove himself and others that he IS worthy.

Sexually, I believe this allows Raphael an attempt to feel punished and worthy by BEING punished. His repentance for his unworthiness. A means for himself to actually feel better about all of these mixed feelings he has. And, ofc, he gets off on it, because it brings a sexual high.

There's also the aspect that Haarlep wears his skin, and Raphael is able to watch that version of himself PUNISH someone else (including himself). I absolutely believe that Haarlep has wild sex with others in Raphael's form while Raphael watches. I believe Raphael absolutely loves watching his glamour fuck someone else in the harshest ways possible. Sadism plays a part in that, and sadism can also stem from the pleasures of watching others suffer because THEY suffered unspeakable things in childhood (which... Hells... Mephistopheles... all of that).

This is getting really long, sorry, I didn't want it to be SO LONG I just kept rambling! And likely went on 1000 tangents LOL. But this is why I think Raphael is attracted to a CHALLENGING personality vs a blindly loyal one. It keeps his mind going, it keeps him active and thinking, and that's enjoyable for him.

To put it simply, however, and the very basic TL;DR version: Cats vs dogs. Dogs are seen as exceptionally loyal creatures, and "man's best friend". This comes from a place of not just loyalty, but a dog's friendly and devoted nature. Loving, compassionate and deeply devoted to their human. Some people would even consider them "blindly loyal".

Cats, on the other hand... are arseholes (affectionately lol). No, but on a serious note, cats are incredibly independent creatures that thrive on their own terms. Cats can also be deeply loyal and protective, just as much as dogs, but generally by nature, they do not need as much care and compassion as a dog, they are happy to be on their own, and unlike dogs, they can be much harder to train. Cats, overall, enjoy solidarity, and are much more independent, taking away the "blindly loyal" factor, and instead, implementing a more "critical thinking" aspect, and even a "you must earn my attention and affection."

ANYWAY... that's my headcanon that got WAY too long...

[luvlyycy]

.ﾟ+. : summary — You're an ordinary girl who works at an even more ordinary Café. Although, you've been having sleep paralysis lately— what happens when a devil tells you he's dedicated to keeping you alive?

ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎ details -> this is porn with plot, mentions of murder, daigo gets off on seeing reader cry, reader has a cat, daigo takes multiple personalities to heart, porn porn, i cannot stress this enough, there is porn, fluff at some points, angst at some points too, p in v, reader is a female, blowjob, ass eating, face sitting, daigo can take his mask off in this, excessive cum, creampie(s), pain kink if u squint, its just daigo being a sex freak tbh. enjoy :3c !!

a / n — .txt : this is specifically for the daigo lovers. i love him. i want him desperately. i want him carnally. and i strived to make a great daigo fic cs i wanna fuck him!!!!!!! (this will be cross posted on ao3!)

ू ꒰ ♡ - ˕ - ꒱ word count : 5,428

It started off slow, not being able to move during specific times in the night. It scared you a bit, but eventually you got used to it.

You never saw anything. You never heard anything. In the beginning, anyway.

You weren’t religious by any means, but you always believed there was something worse out there– worse than any murderer, or any criminal. You believed there was true evil out there.

Maybe that’s why it— He– Targeted you; or at least, that’s how it felt.

You were out late, closing up at the cafe where you worked. You were antsy to get home and sleep, fatigue settling into your bones. You wave goodbye to the last customer before cleaning up the tables, chairs, and counters. Usual tasks, taking out the trash before switching the sign from open to closed. You grab your keys and head home, the summer heat brushing against your face despite it being at least midnight.

The ride isn’t long, but it isn’t that short. The usual bustling of cars dwindled down to a few passing you on the way home. You enter through the driveway, twisting your key and exiting the car.

Once you get to your door, it takes a few moments of fumbling before you get the door open.

You step in and are welcomed by your cat purring and rubbing against your leg, you smile before shutting the door behind you. You lean down to pet her head, “Aww, did you miss me?” she meows back in return.

Leaning upwards, you toss your bag onto the table, along with your keys. You ponder whether or not to shower, ultimately deciding yes. The shower lasts about thirty minutes. You step out and grab the towel, taking two minutes or so to dry off.

After that, you shimmy yourself into your sleeping clothes and climb comfortably into bed. You feel your cat climb into it with you, nuzzling against your leg before she, seemingly, gets ready to sleep along with you.

It’s easy to fall asleep.

One hour.

Two hours.

Three.

Your eyes shoot open, the room feeling exceptionally cold. You don’t feel the presence of your cat anymore, but you do feel something. Something— Someone’s gaze. You attempt to look around before realizing—

Can’t move again.

Your eyes can barely spot anything, and the room is so dark it feels like you’re looking through a void. You try to move despite knowing you can’t. It takes a few minutes before your eyes get accustomed to the dark.

That’s when you hear it.

Breathing.

You hear it to the left, just out of your sight. The bed dips to your left, right next to your arm— like someone or something is pushing it down to let you know it’s there. Tears well up in your eyes from the fear, before you hear something again.

“Shhh.”

If you could scream, you would, but you’re lying there– defenceless, useless, and most of all– terrified. You shut your eyes tightly, your chest heaving as your heart thumps wildly in your throat. You feel your heartbeat everywhere: chest, throat, stomach, and ears. It almost hurts.

Something cold touches your arm, and your heart nearly stops. You’re convinced this is how you die.

It’s a finger. One, two, three, four, five. Five fingers wrap around your arm. Sweat builds up on you from the adrenaline, and then it makes a sound.

It’s like it growls, low and guttural. The hand travels to your chest, then to your throat. Instead of being cold, the palm heats up when it makes contact with your neck.

The bed dips down even more, and you finally open your eyes to attempt to get a glimpse of what— or who- exactly, is tormenting you right now.

Bright blue eyes stare back at you, glowing above your head— no mouth in sight. You can tell that it’s something against its face, a mask maybe. The mask is golden, adorned by two big horns on the top that slowly turn gold near the edges.

It blinks.

You blink.

You choke– “What—” you’re confused as to why you can suddenly speak, but you don’t let that stop you. “What, what are you?” it comes out in a pathetic stutter.

You feel its chest against your arm, his other hand pressed beside your head— he tilts his head to the side.

“You can speak?”

He has the voice of a man. Deep, flat, and dead. His husky voice startles you. You don’t want to speak again, and he senses that.

His palm leaves your throat and caresses your cheek, his eyes seem to be searching for any discomfort— he finds it. His claws graze your cheek, and you flinch, fat tears rolling down the apple of your cheeks.

“Don’t cry,” he whispers, “I would never hurt you.”

You don’t know why, but the longer you look into his eyes, the faster your heartbeat stabilizes.

“So..” you gulp, “what are you?” you ask again.

He stays silent for a second, his eyes squinting as if he’s thinking. The mere fact that he’s thinking about it makes you wonder if he’s human.

“I’m something of an attachment, you could say,” he starts, eyes locked onto yours, “although, unlike other attachments, I’m far more powerful.”

Your body shakes underneath his gaze, “Are you like…a demon?”

He chuckles, and you can see his eyes move in a way that seems like he’s smiling beneath the golden mask. “Stronger than that.”

“The other thing stronger than a demon is—” you stop yourself before you can even speak it. It scares you to say it. Could this man— this being– actually be? Could he actually be—

“Devil.” he finishes.

You freeze, everything freezes. Your body heats up, and the thumping of your heart returns.

“You’re going to kill me, aren’t you?”

“No. I remember specifically saying I wouldn’t hurt you, do you not trust me?”

You don’t know why, but you find it in yourself to scoff.

“No, I don’t trust you!” you shout, voice trembling, “You just told me that you’re a devil— A fucking devil! I’ve never even believe you— they– were real! This is crazy!”

“Calm down,” he sharply hisses, both hands making contact with your shoulders and pushing you against the comfort of your bed, “I’m here every night. You just don’t see me.”

He watches as your face trembles, the familiar face of you crying, slowly building up to burst into full sobbing. He groans and adjusts his position, nearly straddling you. He places your legs over his and wraps his arms around your body; engulfing you.

“Don’t cry. I’m not here to harm you. I’m your attachment.” he sighs out, his cold mask rubbing against your chest. Your hands tremble as you raise them to finally touch him, grazing over his back– your fingertips outline the shape of a face. He has details everywhere, there’s no way you could possibly remember every part of him.

He whispers your name into your skin, fingertips tracing shapes into your hip and your back.

“I-I just, don’t understand,” you sob out, voice crackling as you do, “How are you even attached to me? What did I do to make this happen?”

“It’s complicated. Let’s just call it fate.” he mumbles into your chest.

He hums, “Your breathing..” he sighs, “You’re going to pass out soon.”

You whine into nothing as you feel your fatigue catching up to you. “No..” you croak, and he just raises his face toward yours, a dark strand of hair falling over his mask.

“Good Night.”

Darkness engulfs you.

When you open your eyes, it’s daytime and you feel your cat against your leg. Was it a dream? Your breathing is heavy when you drag yourself to the bathroom to wash up, the sweat from last night causing your body to be sticky and moist.

You look into the mirror and let out a pitiful, ear-numbing shriek. You spot the devil behind you. Finally seeing him in the light, he’s like something out of a novel. Faces of agony carved into his chest with stone spikes poking out from his shoulder pads. You notice that a few spots of his body have black and gold smoke pouring out from the cracks. He towers over you, at least 6’1.

“Holy shit— You almost gave me a heart attack.”

He stays silent, just tilts his head and steps closer, eyes locked onto you within the mirror. He curls his hand loosely around your waist, and you turn around to see with him— you’re met with emptiness. Your eyes lock back onto the mirror, and you still see him with his hand around your waist.

He gives your stomach a quick squeeze before speaking, “Since you’ve seen me, I can show myself whenever need be.”

You wiggle in his grasp, “This is so weird.” you mumble, and you see his eyes crinkle again, a small chuckle escaping him.

“It’s time for work.” he reminds you.

“Oh.”

You get ready with his help, but then it hits you when you grab your keys– head tilting to the side, turning around to see where he his, you don’t see him, but you ask anyway, “What’s your name?”

You hear him speak from behind you, “Daigo.” It startles you, but you turn around, seeing him near the door.

“Oookay, Daigo. Can you not scare my customers?” you plead.

His eyes crinkle, “They can’t see me. I’ve only put my energy into your eyes, which makes it so that I can do whatever I want with you— I’d have to do the same with them if I wanted them to see me.”

You clasp your hands together, “Great! Then let’s get to work.”

Honestly, you thought having a devil attached to you would be a lot scarier than this. It’s like having someone to talk to at all times.

He stands with you behind the counter and even hands you cups! It’s a bit awkward having to tell him to stand outside when you use the bathroom, but you’ll get used to it.

When there are no customers, that’s the only time you get to talk to him.

You lean on the counter, and scroll mindlessly through your phone, “Were you always a devil? Like, were you born this way?”

He stands directly behind you, “It’s complicated. I died a long time ago.”

“Oh,” you turn around and look at him, “can I ask how?”

“I may not answer.”

“How?”

He sighs heavily, “I was murdered. So, as I was looking for vengeance, it consumed me as a whole. There were multiple spirits around me, and I heard that my murderer had died. I,” he spares a moment to look down, “I had stopped them all from passing on, and consumed their souls into mine. That caught the eye of a demon– He was a shogun. He told me in order to get what I wanted, I would have to be a devil.”

He explains that turning into a devil wasn’t easy, how he had abandoned his brother and sister simply so he could return the favor of his murderer. It’s a sad story.

“Why did you attach to me then? Did someone in my family murder you?”

He squints.

“No.”

You let out a sigh of relief.

“In the realm—” he pauses for a moment, as if worried someone might hear, “We watch over people who are soon to die in disgusting and vulgar ways. Most of the time, it’s our job to make sure they happen. However, it’s against the rules to stop it.”

He looks down, ashamed.

Your face twists into one of confusion, “Wait, wait, so you’re saying… You saved my life, Daigo?”

“He would have killed you last night.”

Oh.

“Who?” you ask.

“Robber. He followed you home from work and was planning on robbing you as you slept. I saw into his mind– It was terrible.” he winces, “He wanted to do horrible things to you, I couldn’t let that happen.”

“What did you do to him, Daigo?”

“Don’t ask.” he looks up from the floor, his hands raising to be placed on the counter behind you, “I won’t let anyone hurt you. Do you understand?”

You gasp, “Yes. I understand, Daigo.”

His head swings to the door, and he hisses, “Customer.”

You turn back to the counter and continue working, silently thanking Daigo for saving your life even though you didn’t know he did. The day goes on until it’s time to go home again, this time, instead of being followed unknowingly, Daigo follows you like a guard dog to his master.

Once you get home, you watch as he phases through the door and opens it for you from the other side, his bright blue eyes staring back at you.

Your cat purrs and rubs against your leg like usual, and Daigo shuts the door behind you.

“Is it time to shower?” he asks as you walk to throw your bag on the counter, along with your keys, again.

“It is.” you answer, walking upstairs and to the bathroom.

As you enter the bathroom, the question suddenly stings your brain like a bee, and you swing around with such vigor that you see his eyes widen.

“What’s the problem?” he asks in a concerned tone. You look at him with your mouth gaping like a fish out of water, “You said you’ve always been here, right?” Your body begins to heat up.

“Yes?” he tilts his head to the side, confused.

“Have you seen me like... naked?”

His eyes crinkle.

“Perhaps.”

“Daigo!” you shout, slapping your hand against his arm, “Why would you do that?!”

“I don’t see the problem,” he growls, seemingly in defence from being hit all of a sudden.

“My body is very special to me!”

“Just take the shower.” he hisses, hands reaching to your top and tearing it with ease. Your boobs shake from the force and your hands fly to cover your breasts, despite still having your bra on. You shout his name again, and he just turns you around, reaching into the shower to put the water on, he does it just how you like it.

After that, he simply exits the bathroom, and you’re free to be as stunned as you want to. Once you recover, you take a shower.

Once you leave, you go into your room with the towel wrapped around your body before changing into your lounging clothes, and hop into bed.

Daigo phases through the wall and slithers into bed beside you. He curls into you, head above yours, with his arm over your waist. You squirm and he groans, “It’s sleeping time. Don’t move.”

You huff, “I’m trying to get used to you smothering me. You act so differently at night.”

He hums, “I do?”

“Yes,” you laugh, “You do.”

He presses his mask into your cheek and inhales your scent, “Get used to it.”

It’s been a few months since then. You’ve gotten used to Daigo being quiet in the day and clingy by night. Although recently, something has changed– something about Daigo’s changed.

You’ve noticed.

He stares at you for longer than usual, and his touches linger. You don’t know why they do, they just do. You feel strongly about him now as well; the thought of him being your attachment forever doesn’t make you fearful anymore, in fact, it makes you happy.

Tonight was the night it solidified the fact.

You’re lying in bed, he’s standing in the far corner, just staring at you.

“Daigo? What’s wrong?”

He takes a few steps forward, his body leaning over the bed and over your face– his face hovers over yours. His eyes looked pained, and his pupils are dilated, the black nearly engulfing the light blue you’re so used to.

“Daigo. What’s happening? You’re acting so weird.”

“I wish to engulf you.”

“Wha?” you make a confused sound, crossing your arms over your chest with a pout, “I thought you said you weren’t going to hurt me.”

He shakes his head with a huff, “That’s not what I mean.”

You suck in a sharp breath, his tone catching you off guard. It’s different from how he usually speaks to you.

“Then what do you mean, Daigo?”

“I want to ruin you.”

The silence lingers. Your mouth opens but nothing comes out. He climbs into the bed, body dipping right in between your legs with his eyes facing yours. You whisper his name against his mask, and he hums– you feel the vibrations when he presses his mask against your lips.

“Say you want me to ruin you—”

You sigh against him and melt into his body. “Say it,” the vibrations are sent to your core, straight to the heat between your legs, “Please.”

“Daigo– I,” you gasp when he rolls his hips against yours, eliciting a groan from himself, “I want you to ruin me.”

He leans his body backward and hooks his fingers underneath his mask, the gold on the side of his cheeks retracting into his skin as he removes his mask. Despite the dark room, you can tell he’s handsome.

You don’t get to dwell on it for too long before he presses his mouth against yours. He audibly groans into your mouth and lets his cold tongue fall into you. You whine and hold onto his shoulders, spreading your legs a bit as he presses his knee into your core.

“I want you,” he growls out between kisses, “I need you.” Your eyes roll back at the sheer amount of force he’s using to kiss you. It’s heated, like a volcano erupting. His hands slide up your stomach, underneath your shirt, and to your breasts.

You suck on his tongue as he kneads your left breast, his other hand pulling and rubbing circles around your perky nipple. His hands are hot, his whole body is hot. He hisses when you nip on his tongue, causing him to pull away for a gasp of air.

When he does, you can finally look at his face— black surrounds his eyes almost like a domino mask, except it’s built into his skin. You notice that his eyes aren’t white like humans; instead, the white around the blue is black.

“You’re staring.”

“I,” you’re cut off by him pulling on your nipples with a scoff, “I can’t help it.” you whine out.

He breathes heavily through his nose before pulling your shirt over your head. He ogles your breasts for a second before diving in. He bites at your nape, licking at your neck. He drags his tongue down the middle of your chest, sucking deep marks into your skin.

His tongue laps all the way over to your nipple, sucking on the areola before licking at your nipple. Fingertips pull at your other nipple, twisting left and right before pulling again.

“Oh my god, Daigo–” you moan out, grinding your clothed cunt against his knee.

He groans into your boob, “I’m gonna fuck a baby into you.” he growls.

Daigo pulls away from your body and adjusts his position, pulling you onto his lap. Now lying on his back, his hair falls messily over your pillow. You feel him fumble with something near his crotch, and it sounds like he’s ripping something off— the heat grows when you feel his heavy cock slap against your stomach.

“Rub against it.” he says in a breathy tone. “So fucking hard it hurts.” he hisses.

You oblige. Grinding your clothed pussy messily against his cock. You see his eyes roll back, the black engulfing them. His clawed hand rises up to your waist, thumb pulling at your shorts, smoothly tearing them. He reaches behind your ass to discard the torn material before using his other hand to press his swollen cock between your slick folds.

His tip rubs against your stomach as your pussy slides against his base, his balls grinding against the curve of your ass.

Your hands slide down his chest, to the tip of his dick to rub in circular motions as you grind against the rest of his dick. He sucks in a breath before bucking his hips upwards, “Put it inside–” he moans out, watching you bite your lower lip.

“Can I suck you off first?”

“I want to fuck you.”

“Daigo, please.”

He groans, sliding his hand through his hair, a few strands sticking to his sweat soaked skin, “Suck it after.”

He hooks his hands underneath your ass, lifting you until the tip of his cock prods at your soaked entrance. Your body is shaking in anticipation, his claws digging into the fat of your ass.

He lifts his hips, his cock not entering and slipping against your clit— you let out a small whine and grab ahold of his base to assist him.

“Is it gonna fit?” you breathe out, eyes flicking to his face to see his jaw tighten.

“I don’t care.”

He sighs for a moment, retracting what he said.

“I do care– I’ll just make it fit.”

The tip of his cock pushes at your entrance again. You place your left hand against his chest, using your right to hold his cock straight. You slowly sink down, feeling his thick dick stretching your hole. He hisses, the sheer warmth of your pussy overwhelming him.

It takes a few agonizing minutes before you finally get down to his base, feeling his bulbous tip poke and prod at your cervix.

“So–” he cuts himself off with a sharp intake of air, “So fucking tight.”

Your head is reeling, and you feel dizzy. “You’re too big, Daigo.”

“Please—” he groans, wrapping his hands around your waist, “Please, just fuck me.”

You whine, dragging your hips off his cock, to the tip before slowly going back down. You feel his cock twitch in your stomach, the usual scowl on his face rewritten by pleasure. You continue going slow, not noticing the way his eyebrows are knitted together in frustration.

“Faster.”

“Daigo–” you start, lips trembling, “Your dick is way too big for me.”

He groans, sitting up so that his chest is now pressed against yours, “Sit up a bit.” you listen and lift your ass up just slightly into the sky. He wraps his arms completely around your body, his hand digging into your ass cheek.

He slowly adjusts his position, now on his knees with his feet against his ass. You wrap your legs around his waist, still feeling his swollen dick twitching inside of you. He pulls his hips back, slowly pushing them forward.

You let out a slow whine, your hands digging into his shoulders. “I’m sorry if this hurts,” he moans against your ear, “Your pussy just feels too good.”

He slams his cock into your pussy, causing your eyes to swell up with tears– the tip of his dick bullying your cervix. The pleasure nearly overwrites the pain. Feeling his thick cock recklessly fucking into your cunt– it drives you crazy.

You can’t help the tears that stream down your face, your lips falling open as strings of moans escape.

He leans his head back once he hears you choke out a sob, his eyes searching your face for any amount of pain. He presses his lips against yours, drinking up all your broken sobs before mumbling against you, “Don’t cry– Please,”

You respond with a broken sob of his name. Each sob you make causes his dick to twitch, silently but surely pushing him toward his edge.

You feel the coil in your stomach. Muscles tensing as he fucks his cock into your spasming cunt. Your eyes roll back as he nips at your lips, licking up all the drool that spills from your gaping mouth.

“Squeezing me s’good. Pussy must fucking love me, she doesn’t want me to leave. Isn’t that right?” he growls into your lips, grinning when you stupidly nod against him, “That’s right,” he whispers, delivering a sharp smack to your ass, “This slutty pussy loves me.”

You whine out his name, “Daigoo– It’s too much,” you attempt to say, it comes out as babbling, but he still understands you nevertheless.

“I know, I know.” he sighs out, increasing the force in which he fucks you with. Your pussy squelches loudly, his heavy balls slapping against your ass. Your legs shake, heels digging into his back as he pierces into you.

The pressure keeps building, bubbling up into your stomach. Your cunt spasms, squeezes, trying to milk his cock. You’re so close to cumming that you can feel the fireworks dancing on your tongue, the pressure nearly hurting your stomach.

He presses his tongue against your cheek, licking up your salty tears– large fangs pressing against the fat of your cheek, “I feel it. You squeezing around me…” he breathes heavily against your skin. “Cum on me. Do it.”

He angles his dick just right so it slams against your sweet spot each time he thrusts. It doesn’t take you long before you’re pushed over the edge. It feels like an explosion, his hips rutting into you as you reach your release. White dots spray over your vision as your eyes roll back, and you babble out please, without even knowing what you’re asking for. His hand yanks your head back before he sinks his teeth into your neck. Squirt sprays from you in tiny spurts, splashing against his abdomen and coating his cock in even more of your juice.

You borderline shriek out his name, and he growls into your neck. His thrusts frantic as he chases his own high. He growls out a muffled ‘cumming’ into your neck before he thrusts; one, two, three, more times before emptying his sticky cum inside of you.

It seeps out, overflowing from your hole. You can feel it slide against your asshole, sticking to the insides of your thighs and bloating your stomach. It stains your sheets, and he makes a mental note to remind you to change them.

Your body is overwhelmed, feeling too full. You don’t realize that his cock still stands at full mass. He stays still inside you for a few minutes, just letting your sensitive pussy massage his dick— which unbeknownst to you, causes a few more spurts of cum to exit from his swollen tip.

“Take it out..” you whimper. He simply mumbles a quick, ‘sorry’ before laying you down on your back. Once he does, he spreads your legs and watches his cum spill from your used cunt.

He feels sort of bad for fucking you raw, but not really.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“Sorta..” you reply slowly.

“Can you.. Still suck me off?”

You glance at him, squinting your eyes as your legs spasm from just him spreading them apart.

“Really? You’re asking me that after you just fucked the shit out of me?”

“I really would be grateful.” he gives the best kitten eyes that he learned from your cat, before you sigh heavily.

You place your hands on your face, before mumbling, “I’m not moving though.” He replies with a quick ‘ok’ before moving to be by your face, getting on his knees.

You move your hands to grab ahold of his already leaking cock, still seeing a frothy ring of cum around his base and some dripping from his balls. You place your hands around the base, slowly jacking him off before letting your tongue loll out from your mouth, licking circles around his tip.

He sighs, placing one hand on your boob and the other on your throat. You pull his tip into your mouth with ease, looking up at him through your lashes.

“Your mouth feels amazing too..”

Your lips twitch upward as you increase the speed of your hands, jacking him off in a circular motion as you lick beneath his tip and suck at the excess skin there.

His eyes roll backwards before landing back onto your face, his hand kneading into your breast before hesitantly, sliding down your body and to your sensitive pussy.

He dips two fingers into your hole to scoop out some of his cum, using it as lube to rub your puffy clit. You whine onto his cock, the vibrations shooting pleasure throughout his veins.

You take him deeper into your mouth, your hands bumping into your lips every now and then– you bob your head up and down his cock. He’s rewarding by seeing the outline of his cock in your cheeks.

He lets out a tiny groan, letting his head fall back.

“Gonna cum.” he sighs out, letting his head fall to the side to watch you attempt to swallow his cum. You definitely cannot swallow it all. He shoots spurts of sweet, candied cum down your throat. The taste is salty and sweet, almost like caramel. It sticks to the roof of your mouth and lingers on your taste buds. You pull back with a gasp as he continues shooting more and more of it over your body, your hands still working on his cock. It drips down your chin, seeps into your hair, and pools around your neck.

It dribbles from the tip of his cock as he attempts to catch his breath, eyes wild with lust.

You try to catch your breath too, “Why do you cum so much? It tastes different than I thought it would.”

He laughs for a second, wiping your eyes of the tears from earlier.

“Devil things, I suppose.”

You hum in response, his hands dipping underneath your body to pick you up.

He lays back onto his back and sits you directly on his face, instead of your pussy at his mouth– it’s your ass.

“Daigo– I really don’t think I can handle much more…” you whine, squirming as he licks at your hole, using his thumb to spread it a bit more.

“You can, for me. Bear it a little longer, please?”

“Daigo..” you sigh.

He continues doing what he wants. Sucking on your perky hole, extending his pointed tongue to lap up the mixture of your pussy juices on your ass and the taste of your hole. He presses his lips against it in a soft kiss before sucking on it again, the tip of his thumb rubbing the side of it as he pushes his tongue deeper and deeper.

His nose rubs against your other hole, feeling it cutely squeeze around his nose, almost like she still wants something inside her.

You can’t help but grind your ass down into his mouth, the feeling nearly overwhelming your senses again. He groans into your asshole, mumbling about how good you taste and how your body was made for him.

It doesn’t take long before you’re cumming again, grinding your ass against his face and fucking it on his tongue. He uses his hands to place you beside him on the bed, eyes scrutinizing your face.

“Was that too much?”

You giggle out, relaxing against the bed, face squished against his big arm, “You care a lot for a devil.”

His lips purse in a thin line, “I know, it’s only for you.”

You look up at his face in the darkness, raising your hand to lightly trace the darkness around his eyes, “I think..” you start.

“Yes?” he hums in response, his head leaning into your touch.

“I think I love you, Daigo.”

It lingers. Heavy. The thought of being rejected by this foreign object sinking into your chest like a knife, slowly but surely wounding you.

“Is that so?”

You nod into his arm, eyes full of worry as you watch his face. His lips curl into a soft smile, his hand caressing your hair.

“I believe I love you, too. Very much actually. More than I should. I would die for you— again.”

Your grin widens, and you nuzzle your face into his muscles, feeling him tense for a moment before relaxing again. “Stay attached to me forever, Daigo. I don’t want you to ever leave.”

“I won’t. I would never even dream of leaving you. I love you.” he says as he readjusts his position, wrapping his arms around you in an embrace, your face pressed against his chest.

“I won’t let anyone or anything tear us apart, even if it causes the Earth to collapse. I love you.”

He loves me. He loves you. The devil is in love with you, and you fell in love with a devil.

[twisted-tales-of-all]

Until We Meet Again

Summary: Although San is left alone to watch the shrine after his friends move onto the next plane, he faces someone who reminds him of his past love. Pairing: Naga!Choi San x afab!reader Genre: Fluff, one-shot, event, rated PG Tropes: reincarnation, fated lovers Word Count: 3.5K Contains: discussion of death and past lives, sense of not belonging due to bullying/othering (essentially racism) A/N: Apologies for the lack of banner and poor editing. I've been in quite a slump recently, but wanted to ensure I finished up this piece for the spring event. Please check out all the other pieces submitted as well!

Although he's grown accustomed to the lack of visitors, San finds himself exceptionally bored as the cold weather melts away into the beginnings of this spring. Decidedly, he exits his usual post within the forgotten shrine for a walk in the nearby gardens. Despite donning his human form, people can clearly tell that he's different. Feeling everybody's judgemental looks, he tries his best to focus on the well-trimmed stylized bushes and the pruned bunches of flowers that dared to bloom this close to winter's edge.

"Mommy, why are his eyes like that?" A child asks far too loud for their mother's liking, who rushes away with them quickly.

With a sigh, San brings a hand to his temple. Immediately greeted by the cool touch of scales, he only grows more frustrated by the clear differences between him and the humans. Despite his intense respect towards the deity who made him their shrine guardian, he cannot help the feelings of resentment in giving him this specific form. So often, guardians get beautiful animal forms - cats, foxes, dogs - but his deity did not follow these typical choices. Instead, San got the powers and form of a snake. Thanks to various stories about evil snake monsters - Quetzalcoatl, Leviathan, nagas, lamias, gorgons, etc. - most humans steered clear of the shrine for fear of a malevolent deity.

Finding his attempt at a calming walk frustrating, San turns on his heel and heads back towards his home, unaware of the pair of curious eyes watching the whole ordeal. Unlike the judgemental glares of most people in the garden, you look on with an almost naive sense of genuine curiosity. You've heard stories of the guardian spirits of shrines, but this is your first time seeing one. Guided by your urge to learn more about the stranger, you secretly follow his path to the shrine. You witness him drop his human disguise to reveal a far more snake-like appearance before phasing through the closed panels of the shrine, disappearing completely from view.

After a few blinks to reassure yourself that you aren't in a strange dream, you head back to the garden as you think about how to meet him again. As you pass by the flowers he admired earlier, you notice the winter jasmines and smile.

"Elegance and graace; symbolizing good fortune." Repeating the text from a book you read on flower symbolism, you decide exactly how to approach the interesting snake man.

Carefully reviewing your notes over the next few days, you coax a flower away from its friends, thanking it for blooming beautifully to help you. You bring it with you as you make your way to the quiet shrine. Despite not knowing anything about the deity honored there, you respectfully perform a basic prayer to them. After, you feel the presence of someone - or, rather, something - there with you. Trying to hide your smile, you present the carnation upon the stone slab resting between you and the shrine.

"I don't know whether you know the meaning of flowers, but I think it must be fate that you were admiring the winter jasmines. I have a feeling you are similar to them: elegant and graceful. Even if nobody else can see you as anything but a monster because you look different, I refuse to judge you like that. If you'd please, I hope you accept this flower as a testament to my fascination of you. I'd like to get to know you more. Maybe a name, to start."

He doesn't greet you, but you pique his curiosity with your flower knowledge. Peeking through the shutters while hidden by invisibility magic, he commits your image to memory. However, he doesn't have to go searching for you like he expected, as you return to the shrine the following day. For the first time in over a decade, San opens the shutters, allowing you to see the representation of his deity.

Very androgynous, the long-haired figure stands there, dressed in an ornately decorated red and black hanbok. Next to them, a small dragon reaches the height of their knees, threatening whoever it may be. You study the visual, trying to locate anything that might identify what kind of god they are.

With the same intensity, San studies you, wondering whether you have ill intent in coming to the shrine. Today, as well, he remains hidden from you, but he quickly chooses a plant for you. Using his powers, he commands a breeze to drop the mint at your feet.

After a chuckle, you pick it up and question the choice, "This could mean so many different things. I wonder which you thought of when choosing it for me. Are you suspicious of me, or maybe openminded and interested in me? Or maybe you just think I'm a stroke of good luck! Have I healed your loneliness? Give me some more information here!"

Before he realizes it, a smile creeps across his face. Your knowledge and playfulness entice him. Moving out of view and lifting his invisibility, he walks out of the shrubbery and clears his throat to get your attention. As you turn, you're greeted by his human form once again.

"Nice to meet you. You don't have to put up that disguise, y'know. Just be comfortable; I'm not scared. Oh, I'm Y/N, by the way."

"How...? You- How are you so nonchalant about it?"

Tilting your head in confusion, you remind him of a small puppy, naive and trusting in a horribly untrusting world. He can't help but laugh, at your naivety and at himself for suspecting you of ill intent.

"You can call me San. That's the name Bo-in gave me when they took me under their wing."

"Nice to officially meet you, San. Is Bo-in the name of your deity? What did their powers entail?"

"Balance, mostly. Water to fire; earth to sky; shadow to light. Ensuring nothing overpowered its counterpart. They brought me and Soo-ah to their temple, teaching us and granting us our own powers after some time. When it was time for Bo-in to move on from this world, they knew that dragons would soon be hunted, so Soo-ah remained by their side while I stayed to watch over the shrine."

As he talks, his disguise slowly fades away, showing his growing comfort around you. He continues by explaining that Bo-in gave both pupils more unique creature forms than typical spirit guides. Although he doesn't mention why, you assume that it was another attempt to balance things out. From choosing one man and one woman, giving them names that balance, and bringing one while leaving the other, everything was truly done in the name of balance.

While you enjoy learning everything, you have to get home, as the sun has almost made its full path through the sky. As you say your goodbyes, you promise to return another day in the near future.

"Y/N," he calls after you've taken a few steps. "Thank you."

"Hm?"

"Just... thank you."

He'll never say it aloud. Never admit that you remind him of her. If he admits it, he'll have to acknowledge his feelings once again, after all this time. He'd have to recognize that he thanked you for returning to him and repairing his trust in humanity. That he can feel Bo-in looking down on him and smiling as everything goes according to plan.

"Y/N isn't Soo-ah." He says it aloud to convince himself and snap at his god for planning it.

When he rises the next morning, a bright red flower rests beside him. Since nobody has access to his magical abode, he immediately deduces it as a message from Bo-in. Wiping the residual sleepiness from his eyes and sitting up straight, San picks up the crimson petals to identify them. Camellia.

"Is this a joke, Bo-in? I only know two meanings behind the red camellia: love and a graceful death. What could you-?"

As it hits him, the words stop flowing. There's no way that's what they mean, right? But what else could this particular flower mean? Is it really a confirmation of Soo-ah's return? Hers is the only graceful death he can think of. Not to mention his love for her over all these centuries still holding strong.

The next time you go to meet San, you want to bring out another plant, but you can't figure out any that stand out, so you ask the local florist to choose a meaningful flower for you, essentially leaving the choice up to fate. When he comes back with a bright red flower that you don't know the meaning of, you find it quite a good match to your new friend, whose hair radiates a similar tone. Especially so after the florist explains that camellias are often used to symbolize overcoming adversity. After learning his story the day prior, you decide that this flower fits perfectly. Thanking him, you pay for the flower and begin heading towards Bo-in's shrine.

As you arrive, you're shocked by how grim the area feels. Usually bustling with greenery and a freshness in the air, you become overwhelmed by the thick, heavy air. Looking around at the bushes, it appears as if a tornado had focused its chaos upon the small pavilion. Dropping the flower, you rush to the shrine, tearing the shutters open and calling out for San.

"Quit your yapping."

Hearing a voice above you, you search the trees for a sign of him but cannot find one.

"San, come here. What happened?"

Plopping down behind you, he answers vaguely, "Bo-in is testing me."

With the momentum of the spin to face him, you nearly trip over your own two feet. Expecting to find his face at its normal height, you look around confused when that isn't the case.

"Down here."

You feel a light pressure on your foot and look down to find a red and brown snake atop it. Your gut reaction is to jump and kick it away, but you manage to stop yourself knowing that the creature is your friend.

"I can't change. Bo-in left me a flower, and, after a few hours, I felt my control over my powers weakening at a rapid rate. Now I'm here."

Squatting down, you hold a hand to the snake to bring him up to your level again. He wraps his scaly body around your arm, keeping his head near your palm. You try not to smile at his appearance, but it creeps through anyway.

"Laugh all you want." He huffs.

"I'm not laughing! I just think you're cute like this, that's all."

If a snake could blush, you're certain you'd see it right now. Tripping over his words and looking anywhere else but your face, San fails to respond to your comment. Your comment clearly flusters him, so you make a note to compliment him more in all of his various forms.

"So, what do we have to do to get you out of this form? It isn't some 'true love's kiss' type thing, is it?"

Although you were joking entirely, the silence that follows makes your heart drop a bit.

Eventually, he answers, "I sure hope not." Turning away from you and constricting more around your arm, he adds, "Let's try anything else before we assume that's the solution."

"You... don't have a clue?"

"No. Bo-in left the flower and then this happened. Nothing else. No clues."

Suddenly reminded of the flower you brought him, you look around to find it. He catches sight of its vibrant hue and everything immediately clicks in his mind.

"That's a camellia, isn't it?"

You hum in agreement as you bend down to pick it up, adding, "I didn't know much about it, but the florist told me that it's a sign of overcoming adversity. After hearing your life story, I-"

"That's the flower Bo-in left me."

"How strange. Do you think it means something?"

"Y/N." He pauses, and the emphasis in his voice sends a shiver up your spine, "That flower screams Soo-ah. It means perishing with grace, and symbolizes a strong, long-lasting love."

A strong gust blows at you, harshly ripping a few petals from their pistil. San carefully watches where they land, hoping for a coincidence rather than another part of Bo-in's scheme. Despite his wishes, however, each petal lands precisely in the center of the place it softly floats to the small pond, the shrine's entrance, and the zen garden.

"Water, earth, and air. With a flower as vibrant as flames."

Slowly, you approach the petal at the entrance. Looking in, there's now a cloudy but reflective surface in place of Bo-in's engraved likeness. Focusing on your reflection, you find a completely different image. Rather than you holding a snake, you see two people holding hands. You quickly identify San despite the longer dark hair and wedding-style suit, but you don't recognize the other figure who matches in an elegant white dress with red and gold jewelry. As you move, she moves with you, but this definitely isn't your own reflection.

"That's Soo-ah, isn't it?"

"You're Soo-ah, Y/N." Another booming voice responds before the snake in your hand gets the chance.

Quickly, you spin on your heel. There, just as androgynous as the carving, stands Bo-in. Despite the initial shock, standing there together feels normal. Comfortable. Familiar.

"It's like San says. Although your memories have been wiped upon reincarnation, you were once Soo-ah. Somehow, you were drawn back to this place despite my best attempts to keep you away. Therefore, as I promised you before approving the reincarnation, I will offer my explicit approval for your love. As a gift, I can also return your memories to you, should you want them back."

"Bo-in, revert this magic." Annoyed, San blurts out, interrupting the conversation. "I'd like to change this form again. It is awkward to stay like this while you both have physical human forms."

Despite the interruption, Bo-in appears unfazed, holding out a hand for San to slither onto. A dim light radiates from their palm and surrounds the small snake. Shortly after, San returns to a humanoid form. This interaction buys you some additional time to comprehend the situation and figure out how to answer such a difficult question.

Bo-in returns focus to you, "Have you decided, Soo-ah?"

A shiver runs up your spine, making you twitch from the discomfort. Although you understand that you're Soo-ah's reincarnation, being addressed by her name irks you. You haven't been Soo-ah in decades. You've been yourself all these years, not her. Meeting San was coincidental, even if there might've been outside forces influencing you to do certain things.

With this revelation, you decide, "I appreciate your offer, Bo-in, but suddenly acquiring memories from a past life feels like something that the human mind cannot handle. It'd likely send me down a spiral about my identity. I have to reject your offer."

A smile creeps onto Bo-in's face as you talk, but it's San who speaks first, "Man, you really ARE the same person."

Confused, your wide-eyed gaze hops back and forth between the two people in front of you. Neither cares to give any further context, and Bo-in confuses you even more by breaking out into bellowing laughter without comment. San quickly joins, and soon their laughs are too contagious to avoid. Although you can't pinpoint the reason for the laughter, it lightens the load in your heart.

Shortly after the laughter settles, Bo-in says goodbye and wishes you both luck. Leaving you and San alone, the air tenses again. You quickly go to apologize for not reviving Soo-ah's memories, thinking that may be why things feel awkward. However, before you can say three words, you feel lips on yours and hands cupping your cheeks. Your face heats up from the sudden affection, but you also melt into the sensation. You've been on your own for so long that you didn't realize how much you longed for someone to kiss you.

The interaction feels quick, but San pulls away with a heavy breath. The air is thick and warm between you, and you can't find the words to say after such a sudden interaction, but the silence that follows feels fresh, as if the kiss extended into the depths of your souls. When his breathing returns to normal, the silence finally breaks.

"I'd apologize, but I actually don't regret it."

You can't help but laugh. His confident aura lends to the cockiness of his comment, but he fully jokes. Despite his words, you know he's sorry for the sudden invasion of your personal space.

"Don't worry, San. I enjoyed it. You don't need to apologize."

"Okay, good. I mean, surely it must've felt like all those plays describe, right? Where you're swept off your feet by the man of your dreams."

Rolling your eyes, you refuse to give him the satisfaction of any answer whatsoever. Instead, you change the subject, asking him to adapt a little to the current culture. Although he finds current technology difficult to manage, you convince him to trade in the flower-passing messaging for a simple flip phone.

After suggesting that you'll be back next time with a phone, you give him a hug and take your leave. He kisses your forehead, and you think about it the whole trip home. You can feel the smile etched across your face. It's not just your lips either; you just know there's a twinkle in your eyes and more light on your full face. Although unusual, you rationalize it with the thought that it's simply because it's been too long.

It takes a while for him to adjust to the phone, but once he does, you'd be easily convinced that he never puts it down. Multiple calls daily make you glad you didn't teach him how to message people. Meetings become more frequent and in new places as you show him some of your favorite places. Slowly but surely, he begins adjusting to the lifestyle you've known.

Although he's had a few slip-ups, calling you Soo-ah a few times, he immediately corrects himself and apologizes each time. You understand that you likely resemble her in numerous ways, so you don't get upset. And, just as you intended by refusing your past life memories, San begins falling for Y/N rather than simply seeing Soo-ah in you. The name swaps happen less and eventually completely fade away. You feel it in his demeanor, too. Rather than being restrictive and apologetic about his feelings, his confidence soars, and his actions towards you feel fuller, more genuine and complete.

A few months pass; the next season comes. You barely even notice before San points it out.

"The colors of spring are wonderful, but there's a serenity that comes with the beginning of summer. Don't you think?"

Caught off-guard by the sudden question, you look around so you can respond. Expecting the cleanness that comes when all the flowers of spring fall to the ground and get whisked away by the wind, you actually find yourself stuck staring at a rarity. Once something unrecognizable to you, your eyes catch onto a camellia. However, this one isn't as striking as the red one from before. Rather, as if someone stripped the color clean out, this lone flower stands a bright white, still managing to stand out against the browns and yellows of the season's transition.

Shocked at your silence, San follows your unwavering gaze to the bush. When he catches sight of it, his eyes widen, and he curses under his breath. Even without knowing the specifics behind the various color meanings of this flower, something about the striking white feels haunting to you. You remind yourself that the flower means long-lasting, mutual love, but San's words ring in your head: it means perishing with grace. Is it a bad omen? Bo-In hasn't interfered since that day, so there's no way they'd speak to you now, right? Is it a warning? Are you overreacting?

"San..."

"They don't bloom this late. It shouldn't exist." Flatly, your boyfriend declares, a poorly-hidden concern painted upon his face.

Standing up from the bench, you approach the flower with San trailing a step behind you. Reaching out and touching it, the whole thing falls apart. Characteristic of camellias, the petals and sepals all collapse together at the slightest touch of your finger. With your arm frozen in position, you turn your head to the boy on your left, shooting him a concerned look.

Placing an arm around your shoulders, he files through a dozen statements to try and reassure you both that it's pure coincidence with no meaning. Even though you're certain both of you have worries in the back of your mind, you drop your arm and the topic all at once. Bouncing back into a happy state, you begin walking away and finally answer the question from earlier to segue into a new conversation.

"Summer really gives off that sense of a new beginning. Everything is changing, just like us. I think it's really appreciated in the cycle of seasons."

"Just like us... You're right. Here's to our new start with the season change."

[wildtales1973]

Smeardyakov is the perfect illustration of Dostoyevsky’s philosophical concerns. The burden he bears over being a child born of rape reflects the authors obsession with the idea of inherited sin. His decision to commit murder in the midst of exceptionally compelling circumstances (abused his whole life, forced to serve his mothers rapist, excluded and berated by the whole town, unable to assimilate into Russian culture due to his homosexuality), his murdering of the cat as a child juxtaposed with the dehumanizing treatment he receives at the hands of his adoptive parents. All of this directs back to the ideas that preoccupied Dostoyevsky: the question of whether you are born evil/doomed, the question of personal responsibility for one’s life and one’s sins.

And to think he was a last minute addition who Dostoyevsky himself had little pity for. The reviled son reflects back just what he sees inside the fathers mind.

[starcrossed591]

CDrama Year in Review 2023

I'm still very much a CDrama beginner--I just started watching them in the summer of 2022--but since this is the first year I got into them in earnest, I figured I might as well do a year in review a la @dangermousie (whose lists I have found incredibly helpful in deciding which CDramas I really, really need to go back and watch as part of my CDrama education--so thank you!). So, without further adieu, here is my ranking of 2023 CDramas, in order of least enjoyed to most enjoyed*.

(See also: KDrama Year in Review 2023)

*Disclaimer: *not* a measure of objective quality

10. Royal Rumours: This drama was not great? Meng Zi Yi and Jeremy Tsui were fun, but the story started out messy and got messier. For some reason I still finished it, I think because I had a lingering cold and it was all my brain could handle at the time *shrug*

9. Gone with the Rain: I actually really enjoyed this one! The pacing was inconsistent, but Zhang Nan was fun as the irreverent Mo Xi, and we love a grizzled general. Special shout to the teacher who was not actually evil, just a sad lesbian whose gf disappeared on her

8. Love You Seven Times: Intriguing concept, not a strong enough FL to carry it through. The reincarnation stuff really worked for me at first, especially in their first mortal tribulation (as people, not CGI animals), but I got tired of it pretty quickly. I admit, the gifs of Ding Yu Xi as a sexy cat demon *did* pull me back in, but not enough for me to actually finish the thing, alas

7. Destined/Chang Feng Du: Started out really strong, and then stalled out on me. I think I only got up to about episode 22 or so, after their epic desert crossing and new start in a new state--they lost all narrative momentum for me there. I stopped watching and then just...didn't start again. I do, however, remain a big Bai Jing Ting fan, and will be keeping on eye out for whatever he does next

6. Hidden Love: (Contemporary) Age gap romances are hit or miss for me, but Zhao Lu Si absolutely stole/carried the show for me in this one. Although more fun imo when the main couple are in the the will-they-won't-they phase than in the family melodrama after they get together, still the only contemporary CDrama to get me to give it a go this year--and I'm glad I did

5. My Journey to You: Featuring my favorite murder girlies Esther Yu as Yun Wei Shan and Lu Yu Xiao as Shanguan Qian! Gorgeous costumes and sets, sweeping cinematography, and plot that kept me on the edge of my seat. Full disclosure, I have not actually watched the last two episodes because I got busy and then saw weird chatter about them, so I have no comment on the allegedly weird ending

4. Till the End of the Moon: Look, I know the ending wasn't ideal, but for the majority of its run, this drama owned my entire soul. It also introduced me to Bai Lu as Li Su Su, who inspired my first actual tumblr post (that wasn't a reblog) because I was so obsessed with her. And everyone knows that Tantai Jin is the CDrama ML of the year. 10/10, no regrets at letting it take over my life (and the OST my Spotify) from April to May of this year

3. The Story of Kunning Palace: More Bai Lu is always a good thing, and she's extra fun here as the transmigrated former evil empress and totally-over-your-nonsense Xiang Xue Ning here. The reverse haremness of it all totally shows why Bai Lu is the chemistry queen, especially with the princess (Liu Xie Ning) and cranky, morally grey, would-fail-gym-class strategist Xie Wie (Zhang Ling He). So glad this drama made it out of the CDrama vault and didn't languish indefinitely in censorship hell

2. A Journey to Love: Finished this one two days ago as of this writing and am still not normal about it. Ren Ruyi (Liu Shi Shi) and Ning Yuan Zhou (Liu Yu Ning) lead an exceptionally strong ensemble cast in this wuxia that explores the complicated relationships between love, duty, loyalty, loneliness, and companionship. Ruyi and Yuan Zhou are far and away one of my fave OTPs of the year, but just as compelling are the relationships between friends/brothers/fellow assassins Yu Shisan, Yuan Lu (ugh my heart), Qian Zhou, and Sun Lang. This drama definitely has one of the strongest ensemble casts of the year. And the character growth of Yang Ying from little princess abandoned in the cold palace to who she becomes by the end will stick with me for a long time. Plus another 10/10 OST!

1. Lost You Forever S1: I'm not normally a reverse harem girl, but the longing, loss, and hard resolve portrayed to perfection by Yang Zi as Xiao Yao really did it for me here. This whole drama struck an emotional chord for me, and where TTEOTM consumed my soul, LYF took over my heart. Xiao Yao's relationships with her power hungry, overprotective cousin Cang Xuan; hot snake demon Xiang Liu/playboy archery shufu Feng Feng Bei; and perfectly devoted Tushan Jing are all equally compelling to me, and while I may know who she ends up with in the end, who I *think* she should be with changes based on who's on screen at any given time. And A'Nian, my favorite bratty princess who really just needs some strong parenting, holds a special place in my heart. I know we may never get S2, and even if we do, censorship means it probably won't be what the drama makers are capable of, but I'm so glad for this little piece of absolute perfection. And, again, a top notch OST!

Fave Drama: Lost You Forever, by just a hair over A Journey to Love. See above.

Least Fave Drama: Royal Rumours--truly why did I finish this, what was past me thinking

Biggest Disappointment: 2023 is also the year I read Dreamer in the Spring Boudoir, my very first CNovel! But then I didn't even bother checking out its adaptation, Romance of a Twin Flower, because it got rid of everything that made the novel such an addicting read, including a brilliant, strategic, ice cold FL and an ML who actually kind of sucked at the beginning, only to grow on you very, very slowly over time. I'm grateful that the chatter around the drama is what brought the novel to my attention, but other than that, hard pass.

Favorite Male Character: Lots of good ones this year, but I'm gonna go with Cang Xuan (Zhang Wan Yi) from Lost You Forever. The conflict he faces between getting enough power to protect the people he loves the most and that power making him incompatible with those loved ones is so compelling, and his yearning for Xiao Yao even when she's right in front of him is wrenching. Full disclosure, I also just really love the sound of his voice

Favorite Female Character: This could easily have gone to Li Susu (TTEOTM), Xiao Yao (LYF), or Ren Ruyi (AJTL), but I'm gonna go with Bai Lu's Xiang Xue Ning in The Story of Kunning Palace. Something I really loved about this character was just how jaded Xue Ning really was, even in her second go round at life. Yeah, she wants to make amends for the harm done in her previous rise to power, but that has hardly turned her into a good--or even pleasant--person. Instead, she's incredibly skeptical and still plays most things ice cold, especially with her family. As a bonus, we got plenty of Bai Lu's fantastic side eye as she basically had to do high school all over again when she gets called into the palace despite her very best efforts not to be.

Favorite Ship: Ren Ruyi and Yuan Zhao from A Journey to Love have got to be it. They balance each other out so well, and over the course of the drama, learn to communicate effectively with each other whenever they have a problem. They also recognize that not all problems can be solved by ~love~, which makes their relationship even more compelling when they decide to prioritize each other in a way that respects what the other wants from life.

Favorite Secondary Ship: Little princess Yang Ying and Yuan Lu absolutely broke stole my heart in A Journey to Love. Doomed love even more than the main OTP, these two's youthful romance was such much fun to watch, especially as they egged their respective mentors on in their own romance. Yang Ying's recognition that her first love did not have to be her only love is also something I always love to see, even as it broke my heart that (spoiler) she and Yuan Lu never really had a chance at an HEA. Their relationship really exemplified a key theme of this drama: that you should love the people you love while they're still with you because tomorrow is never promised.

Non-2023 Dramas that I Watched: Two non-2023 dramas I watched that deserve a special shout out are Love and Redemption and The Sword and the Brocade. Love and Redemption prepared me to really appreciate the big swings that Till the End of the Moon took, and The Sword and the Brocade went a little way to filling the Story of Ming Lan shaped hole in my heart. The Sword and the Brocade also had absolutely searing critique of the concubine system, even as it featured one of the most genuinely good-hearted FLs I've seen. Would recommend both!

Most Looking Forward To: Yes, I'm a sucker and the censors (not to mention the characters) will probably break my heart, but I'm still crossing my fingers that Lost You Forever S2 will live up to the promise of part one. See above: still a CDrama beginner, have not yet had all the optimism knocked out of me. Sue me.

[doctorho]

you've heard the stories. everyone has. it's half-rumor and half cautionary tale, at this point;

the hermit living in the abandoned library. the only evidence of his presence the golden light in the windows at night and sometimes, a trail of smoke coming out of the chimney.

there's whispers of him: how no-one really knows what he does, where he came from. who he really is. someone thinks they saw him outside at night, but they don't know for sure.

the only thing they know is this:

he is a vampire.

or, so you're told.

there's all kinds of things you hear about him, and you're pretty sure that most of it is exaggerated. but... you never really could figure out why people seemed to be afraid of him. sure, he lives in an abandoned building alone and seems to be mostly nocturnal, but he doesn't actually seem to bother anyone. if anything, there's a strange trend of mechanical appliances getting mysteriously fixed in the dark of the night. that's it.

mostly, he doesn't seem to interact with anyone, not that you know of at least. there's exactly one man that seems to visit the library and you don't know what he does there, he doesn't go often and he doesn't seem to be very talkative about it. you think he might be a delivery of some sort, but you're not sure.

the man's gotta eat, right?

you refuse to think too much about what it is exactly that he eats.

you don't really have a reason to get anywhere close to the library. it's in a pretty secluded part of town, surrounded by old tall trees that were slowly all turning shades of orange, and there isn't really anything close by. just some trash and the old forges.

the leaves on the ground make your every footstep silent, making you feel like a ghost.

and with every step, you try to convince yourself that actually, this isn't stupid, and you're totally just there to see the pretty trees. just on a walk. nothing more. nothing weird.

it's a lie, of course. a pretty see-through one; it feels too light for you to even pretend it's true.

you're curious.

that's the only reason you're out there.

it doesn't make much sense, and wouldn't make a waterproof explanation if you had to explain yourself to anyone, but it's the truth. you want to know more about him, you want to know if what people are saying is really true.

and... you've seen him through the windows a few times. and... if he really was some sort of an evil demonling, shouldn't that scare you? shouldn't that be hard-wired into your instincts?

it isn't. it's like watching a deer in a forest; staying still so it won't see you and run away, barely daring to breathe.

but you know the deer won't hurt you. it's just not used to humans.

you think.

you know it's a stupid idea, going there. you don't even try to tell yourself otherwise. the knowledge that being there is stupid, and potentially dangerous, is like a wave passing over your thoughts with every passing heartbeat. it's a shadow of everything you've been told over the years; you don't believe the stories, but they have to come from somewhere, right?

it's just a library. just a guy in a rundown library. there isn't anything inherently dangerous about that.

except that the whole town seems to agree thah he is the danger in that, and... you know that. it coats the inside of your head like a layer of honey, heavy and sticky and making it difficult to think straight - all your thoughts seem to circle back to what if. but it's still not enough to get you to leave. you've been curious about him for so long, and it doesn't seem to be fading. besides, you're staying a safe distance away. it's not like you're going up to the door and knocking.

he is no longer at the window.

he is standing in front of you.

in the darkening night, he's little more than another shadow, but once you see him, he's impossible to ignore. the kind of still-calm that reminds you of an exceptionally intelligent cat, and watching you intently. with his eyes a shade of golden you've never seen on anyone before, and his face a picture of calculating neutrality. his eyes seem to almost be glowing, and they are deadset on yours.

you don't really even need to form the thought before you know it;

you're not sure which one of you is the deer.

[araneitela]

@kafkaisms replied to your post “Knowing/talking to @astrxlfinale is like this...”:

your cat is cALLED MARA

​Yes, YES, she is! I didn't name her, it was already given to her by the rescue I got her from. But in HSR, it always makes me laugh, and I do say it to her often, just in that silly pet voice and I go 'It's good you're nothing like the evil mara that plagues our poor Bladie who we love so very much. (She's a Tortie, so she's quite talkative, so she'll usually meowpurr in response here) Yes, I know, we feel very bad for our Bladie--"

But she's exceptionally sweet, she's almost 16 now and as a typical pet owner, I must now showcase little miss to the world:

[cinderswife]

happy new year! as a treat, i have finished snow's outfits :D she's the last in the series after cinders and rose :3 as always, lore under the cut!

nude

much like cinders, snow was designed to be in compliment to rose! we know from the album that she was beautiful and had long black hair but beyond that i wanted to make sure she looked like she could feasibly be rose's sister. she is also a bear girl <3

snow is fat! it was very important to me that she was fat with stretch marks and still extremely beautiful. so, here she is !!

i gave her a beauty mark because it's very classic hollywood beauty

you also probably couldn't actually see her tail at this angle because tiny bear tail but its so cute!

since this is pre becoming general white, she's a lot softer and gentler than her sister

fun fact: snow is actually her middle name but nobody ever calls her by her first name adelaide ever

also. this woman is so busy do you think she has the time to think about her gender and sexuality ever

dressing gown

snow is exceptionally wealthy and powerful so of course she has a monogrammed silk dressing gown. she doesn't actually wear it to sleep; she overheats way too quickly so she wears very little to bed.

entering the first appearance of snow's favorite color to wear: light blue!

yes, snow is wearing a wedding ring. since she's 29 and the head of a noble house, i figured she would be married. it was an arranged marriage to darr, the youngest child of some count somewhere because ze is entirely unambitious and willing to let snow do her thing

they also have a son together. his name is eret, he is 3, he looks up to auntie rose a little too much, his favorite animals are snakes and penguins, and he will quote space-disney at you incessantly.

duchess work dress

snow is the grand duchess of the duchy of delinore. she is the only grand duchess in the entire empire; this is the title that is equivalent to crown prince. yes she is technically his majesty king cole's heir due to being the current hereditary grimm on the throne of delinore. this is mostly a ceremonial fact since his majesty is immortal. delinore is 12 inhabited planets large and covers an entire star system which makes her perhaps the most powerful woman in the galaxy. snow is very tired all the time.

i was watching disney's snow white while designing this and the next outfit; i really like the blue and yellow look on her

this is a modular outfit! she can put on and take off the vest and cape depending on how formal she needs to be.

snow wears a lot of jewelry. this earring and necklace set was an anniversary present from her spouse!

the silver circlet atop her head is that of the duchess. you'll see it in almost every other outfit afterwards; it's like a wedding ring but for her noble status

court of stars

as his majesty's heir, snow is required to take part in the irregular meetings of his majesty's inner court: the court of stars. much of the lesser laws are handled by the council of stars and the other, lesser nobility. full disclosure: snow fucking hates this. she uses her position to do much good in the world and views his majesty like an extremely shitty and powerful grandfather she has to put up with in order to do what she needs to do. if the wedding day slaughter hadn't happened, she would still have eventually caused his death through an insane game of "political assassination cat and mouse." Y'know, different from the war.

this is the evil queen type fit. i just wanted to draw her as an evil queen okay

lorewise, this is the ceremonial outfit of her status tailored to her feminine appearance. black and red cape, deep purple dress, shiny gold jewelry, all designed to be as evil as possible

the bear clasp is the same as rose's! its the grimm family's symbol (cuz. they're all bears lol)

the dress sparkles like stars

she absolutely didn't have to go this hard with the makeup but she had fun with it. a small relief when dealing with his majesty

basically i just went really hard on the star motif

the crown is the ceremonial black iron crown of the grand duke that only ever comes out in court meetings. it's a smaller version of his majesty's black iron crown. its really heavy :(

casual

the return of the blue and yellow! this is snow's favorite color combo to wear ever <3

snow likes to wear pants when she doesn't have to deal with the many duties of being the grand duchess. it's her casual fit!

this particular set of jewelry has the snowflake motif. it's extremely on the nose which is why she likes it.

i dunno what tank tops with the extra shoulder straps are called but i thought it suited her <3

she would fully wrestle rose in this fit btw. she wouldn't win but it'd be fun!

ballgown

snow's ballgown for wearing to formal events (that she typically hosts). technically she owns a lot more, but this one is representative of her usual style. the bodice is typical, though it is a bit risque because it has no sleeves. the skirt is even moreso but she pulls it off because of her status and because she is commonly named the most beautiful woman in all the galaxy.

i thought it would be fun to put her in red! its such a loaded color in ouatis but she really pulls it off

and here's the light yellow she's so fond of <3

the boots are big and shiny and quite excessive; fully a display of wealth (especially since she's showing them off)

the drape of her skirt, rather than being modest and layered like cinders', is very form fitting and attention grabbing even without the slit

she would put her hair up but i did not have the patience to try and redraw her hair more than i had to lol

the gold jewelry she wears is big and heavy and almost armor-like. she likes it a lot

she put glitter on her makeup for this one <3

[bashfulkisser]

You have no choice but to answer Rainbow Dash, Princess Cadance, and Queen Chrysalis for Bashful :3

I see you, I see you- And I will deliver!

Rainbow Dash - Is there anything you or your FO are really good at, like exceptionally great at? What's the fastest either of you can do it?

Oh it's a no brainer for Bashful: Hiding. Exceptional at blending in, truly a little Chameleon, and being able to hide an entire group in 5 seconds flat?? It's 100% a talent. As for me... I? Am not entirely sure?? I mean, I can bake and cook fairly well, but I'm nowhere near expert level- And even then I take my sweet time with both 😭

Princess Cadance - Does your FO believe in true love? Do you believe in true love? How about love at first sight?

Bashful does, no doubt about it. Even if it takes time to find him, he absolutely believes it's a thing. When it comes to love at first sight.. A little less keen on it- I mean, if his initial reaction to a cursed cat witch was to faint then it's not for him. I'm iffy on both- Yes I am hopeful on true love, and have fallen in love at first sight in the past, but I try to be at least a smidge realistic ^^;

Queen Chrysalis - What would be the telltale sign(s) that your FO had been replaced by an evil changeling? What about your telltale signs?

2 things: Way less focused on staying fully hidden, since posing as him is enough to count as hiding, and not saying "Floom" at the slightest inconveniences. It might be a little harder to tell for me, buuuut the biggest giveaway? I squeak. A lot. Embarrassed, startled, excited, doesn't matter how I feel, I will be squeaking-

[velvetvexations]

i would love to know more about npd, i have suspected my mother has undiagnosed npd for years now. i'm not one to self diagnose at all or to diagnose people with surface level knowledge. i have been doing my research for ages, i am 99% sure she has npd. she is so abusive and awful, i thought all people with npd were like this ngl and now i feel bad because i have been reading ur blog and been looking at actually npd tags on here and trying to understand more. i know not all npd ppl are abusive but they can be. i feel bad even more cuz i think shes evil, and cuz i am sure she has npd i guess i associate everyone else with npd as evil. i'm trying not to now, i guess i was uneducated on the topic. it's hard when u have bad experiences with ppl with npd and bpd etc.

i guess the point of this is to thank you for sharing your thoughts & feelings and showing me a diff side to npd through ur blog.

also wondering if she can ever change. she will never accept she has npd i know that, she's only getting worse and i cant deal with it. i want to cut her off badly. should i? i guess im asking you because you are someone who has it and i just need to understand from someone who has it, i can read all the academic sources in the world but i think it helps to talk to someone real as well. sorry if this is too much or if its triggering, i really don't mean for it to be. i'm just so upset today because she's rehomed my cat and i can't take it anymore.

People with NPD can most definitely be abusive and you have nothing to feel bad about. Most people who obsessively hate narcissists are not even themselves actual victims of people with NPD. The fact that you so heavily suspect your abusive mother is but are still this open to learning more and empathizing is a beautiful thing.

Undiagnosed NPD is well and truly a bitch. If your mother does have NPD, she's certainly suffering on some level as well, but that doesn't excuse the way she treats you. Whether or not she can change is...difficult to say. I discovered I have NPD when I was a teenager and there were a lot of particular things about me and my life and my worldview that made me adapt exceptionally well to it. To go past middle-age with it being undiagnosed, that's very, very difficult. My own mother was an abusive narc and no matter how I tried it always felt impossible, literally, bleakly impossible, to get her to understand anything from my point of view or to treat me more fairly.

Ultimately, though, it doesn't really matter if she can or can't. You don't owe her that generosity. She's treating you awfully no matter the reason, and if you want to sever that relationship, do it. You don't need that in your life and it's her loss.

When my mother died, I was let down that I didn't get the chance to leave and tell her I never wanted to see her again like I'd looked forward to doing for years. I wasn't sad that she died but I was sad that I wasn't sad, that our relationship had gotten that bad. If I had left at your age I may still never wanted to see her again but would have at least had a much better opinion of her to look back on, because it only got exponentially worse as the years marched on. You aren't your mother's therapist. You come first.

[orderoftheavengers]

Cosmic!

Summary:  While getting ready for her first year at Hogwarts, Kamala Khan discovers her grandma's old wand in the attic, and unlocks her own Jinn heritage.    

House: Gryffindor  

Blood Status: Halfblood and “half-breed”

Species: Human/Jinn hybrid

Wand: Deodar Cedar, 6 inches, Djinn hair from her great-grandmother

Broom: Cleansweep; has since upgraded to crystal air-steps 

Patronus: Marbled Cat

Specialties: Conjuring, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Divination

Sorting:

It was a tossup between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, due to her craftiness and imagination. But Kamala's true power is daring, and her true desire is to join the heroes she idolizes. 

Jinn:

The Khans are an average half-blood wizarding family—muggle father, magical mother. While getting her trunk together for her first year at Hogwarts, Kamala finds an old chest in the attic that belonged to her estranged grandmother, containing some interesting items: a Gryffindor scarf, a bangle, and an elegant wand. Her controlling mother demands she forget all of this "junk" and use the boring wand they bought from Ollivander. But Kamala sneaks the effects onto the Hogwarts Express with her. She rides the train with her muggleborn friend Bruno, and her half-blood friend Nakia, a third year Gryffindor Prefect. At the Sorting Ceremony, Kamala and Bruno go into Gryffindor and Ravenclaw  respectively. 

During her first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson, Kamala discovers that her grandmother's wand can do things no other wand can. And her bangle is a Portkey. Bruno analyses the wand and discovers that its core is a Jinn's hair, from someone sharing DNA with Kamala. With Bruno's help, Kamala begins uncovering her buried family history. Kamala practices her new magic on the roofs of Hogwarts. At one Care of Magical Creatures class, she saves Fleur Delacour's irritating nice Zoe from a rabid niffler, and gains an ally. During a fight in Hogsmeade with some evil Jinn, Kamala discovers that the Portkey bangle is also functionally a time-turner, and completes a Stable Time Loop to save her half-Jinn grandmother as a child.  Also on Kamala's tail is a zealous Ministry of Magic agent named Dolly Stoher-Umbridge, Dolores's less interesting niece. The most incompetent agent in Ministry history, Umbridge 2.0 spends the entire school year failing to capture Kamala, then loses her job after nearly blowing up Hogwarts.

Mom finally comes around and supports Kamala joining the Order of the Avengers, even making her new robes. Kamala then does some missions for Mad-Eye Fury, with Carol Danvers and Monica Rambeau. 

Patronus:

Kamala leaps and bounds through the air in the constraining urban landscape very much like a small cat hunting in the rainforest, trailing her long scarf like the marbled cat’s exceptionally long tail. She has a cat's disdain for doing as she's told, but also a feline's stealth to break the rules under her opponent's nose. She is overall harmless, yet hunted simply for standing out. 

AN: I've yet to see "the Marvels," but I'm looking forward to when I do. I enjoyed "Ms. Marvel," and meant to do this entry a while ago. 

[dstortedstudios]

out-of-context markiplier Resident Evil: Village quotes as ask memes - PART 1:

man we drink a lot of wine in this house

yeah well you know the the moral of the story is um there's nothing free in life so don't assume there will be

why did they cover the mirror up to save resources or to save me from looking at myself?

oh okay weird uh uh i do not like the look of this baby

that's horribly cringy

okay well he said no can't do anything

probably means that the baby uh ain't so normal

definitely more important than this very urgent conversation yeah that's definitely a priority

you really just gotta ask who is this i think that if it was a secure channel you would stop talking and then hang up immediately

i'm gonna ignore that oh yeah i'ma ignore that definitely a whole lot of nothing

yep whole lot of nothing, weird growls in the forest

hmm this is uh normal um very normal

i think it just decided to be quiet now

to be perfectly honest i'm-i'm very disappointed. i'm like exceptionally disappointed

absolutely nothing in there was useful

i love fiddling with random crap as soon as i enter someone else's home

blood's a good sign

hey i'm not robbing you i am looking through all your stuff but i just like to observe

so i am i am kind of questioning why i came out

your friends are all dead you might want to run away

all right so i'm not gonna bother with it

someone want to tell me what my grand mission is

good thing he's a bad shot

oh no…they're coming

well there he go, goodbye friend

do you need to say all this out loud, is this necessary?

well that's a bad start

am i infected now? oh my god, holy crap!

okay well you got more life in you, a little more pep in your step

all right that took a lot of bullets

good thing my hand is missing

maybe double tap just in case

all right well i am bleeding profusely, maybe i shouldn't have come back in

maybe coming back in was a good idea

that's fine that's totally fine, i'm going to try to kill the next one with a knife

i just want to get used to the idea of killing things with knives because i'm going to have to do it when i run out of ammo which is going to be soon

what did you deliver that for me like a cat thinking that i can't hunt for myself?

they're robots that's the secret truth behind all this they is actually robots

yeah when they see me explode their friend's head, i think they all were dissuaded from their course of action

all right okay well i guess it's all done now i guess i'm free to go that's what i'm gonna do i'm leaving

oh no they have weapons

all right buddy looks like it's time for me to kick ass and…kick ass, and hide i'm a bitch, i'm very cowardly

i'm so stealthy

where am i going?  why is there arrows shooting?

i can't go that way that's all locked up

oh my god okay well this is uh bad for me um-holy shit

i legitimately have no idea where i'm supposed to go, i truly do not know, i am in pain

you know you're tall but uh quite tall enough you know not tall enough for me to really respect you