#and the rammies of that are frightening

[gouinisme]

thinking about who i'd be if i didnt watch steven universe in middle school

[purpleminte]

Sorry if this is a bit long but my brain is made of sand

Under the circumstance of being transformed into one of your characters, would you rather:

- stay in the human world as it is, with all possible ramifications (the rammys)

- be transported to a world where everything is roughly the same (the same sorta people talk to you, everything important still exists), but everyone is furries and furry-specific technology exists

- be transported to like, pokemon world with humans but also pokemon, maybe anthropomorphic. Most things are very different but there is an equivalent to the people closest to you

- be transported to pokemon world without humans, only pokemon

Pokemon-only world seems like mega complicated and honestly I feel like fights in school would be way more dramatic if instead of girls pulling each other’s hair one of them had fuckin hydro pump, and the other was like an actual ghost. Though I assume when you say only pokemon you mean like mystery dungeon type very sparse “tribes” of pokemon that’s like very far from the modern world we have irl, and in that case I’m not sure if I would go so far as to wish everyone was like,, regular (albeit humanly intelligent) animals. Anthropomorphic is typically preferred.

Pokemon normal world also seems wild cuz like instead of businesses just kinda being dicks with rights and wages and shit, they would be taming legendary pokemon and monetizing the weather or time or some shit like that… or some ten year old has the power to do that. OR the pokemon that can do that is like,, anthropomorphic and a celebrity or something and that still seems very concerning. Either way though pokemon world seems frightening.

I’d be fine with either staying in the regular world or the furry regular world. Though in the furry world I’m not sure whether or not I would want to keep my memory of the old regular one, I feel like it would just make things confusing for me and me alone.

[rodneyfuncomiccollectiontwo]

Rammy: We are no longer frightening... Rammy: We have fans now. *pulls up a webpage titled "Demon Lovers❤"* Teriyaki Yoko: *puts on her reading glasses to get a good look at the page* Teriyaki Yoko: ...what the hell.

[thenamesellen]

I’m making a speculative zoology series similar to The Teeming Universe. I lost interest in the speculative evaluation thing I was working on. I thought a thing like this would be more flexible for me, and I can just draw the planets, ecosystems, and creatures and describe them below. Now let’s get to what the Ramlings are.

The Ramlings are a humanoid and ram-like alien species that are their planet’s equivalent to humanity. They live on the planet of Mithras, which has similarities to our own Earth. Their societies are mainly lead by the females of this species, while the mostly gentle males stay and raise the Rammies (or child Ramlings). They come in many different shades of red, brown, gray, blond, black, and white.

They have mouths on their abdomen, and scientists are unsure way. Heck, the Ramlings question why is humans don’t have mouths on our torso. Inside these mouths is an organic and sharp spear that is attract to the mouth like a tongue. Inside the spear is a piece of sharp metal. The semi-thick flesh of the spear prevents the metal from cutting out of it. This spear is used to climb difficult terrain, hunt for food, protect themselves and each other, and to threaten.

All of the Ramlings, regardless of age, have these inside of thier inferior mouths. Yes, even the new borns. There was one time where a researcher accidentally frightened one of the baby Rammies, and the spear jumped out and stabbed his eye.

As said before, the females are the dominant ones in this species. Female Ramlings are more feisty than their male counterparts, and they normally approach stressful situations with an intelligent but passively or actively aggressive approach. They are naturally reserved, and they could mate with one male or none during their lifetime. They can be pregnant for eight to nine months before giving birth. She helps the father take care of the newborn Rammy until the child doesn’t need her breast milk anymore, and she goes out to the outside world once more, only visiting from (at most) time to time.

The male Ramlings are more gentle than their female counterparts, but that doesn’t not mean they wouldn’t fight for their children. When they know that their child is endanger, they become more beast-like and demolish whatever is endangering their kids. Other than that, they work similarly to a traditional housewife, except that they are their families’ child support. During the early stages of puberty, they act like fun-loving and horny boys, sometimes having same-sex relations with each other. To female Rammies their age, they are annoying abd normally they push them away. Late during their puberty, their hormones settle down, and they become gentle and caring giants; though, they can possibly still engage in relations with the same sex.

Deviantart post: https://www.deviantart.com/thenamesellen/art/The-Ramlings-899753804

[zerodaystars]

zeroday stars are back

So I disappeared from Tumblr for about 4 years. Didn’t write stars for 3.5 years. Got really sick. Got really better. Been posting on Instragram but it’s not as much fun as Tumblr. I’m a bit rusty so be gentle! 

Mahalo :)

Aries (21 March-21 April)

You’re not just a pretty face are you Rammy Ram (non gender specific btw). As you pop your skates on to get to the million things you have to do today, you kinda hope that someone notices how goddam awesome you look on wheels. Life is a roller derby, maybe wear knee pads.

Taurus (21 April-20 May)

Work, work, work. Why do you feel like a work horse Big Bull? Maybe have a chat to the people around you to figure out a plan that doesn’t feel so hard. You’re surrounded by beautiful and valuable people. Recognise them. Listen to them. And life will get easier.

Gemini (21 May-21 June)

Can you feel a swirling of emotion trying to find its way to the surface Gemmy Gem. Either that or you ate some dodgy sushi. The trick will be to let that emotion register in your heart and mind, rather than skimming across the surface like a water skeeter on absinthe and Red Bull.

Cancer (22 June-22 July)

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why do you keep reflecting the shit I don’t want to deal with? Mirrors can feel mean can’t they Courageous Cancer. The thing is, it’s actually your mind and eyes that are being mean. Today is a great day for letting go of any mean the past three weeks have brought up.

Leo (23 July-23 August)

We know you know how to get shit done Leapin’ Leo, even if the rest of the world doesn’t always see it. If detail was a million cockcroaches scuttling across your desk you would lock down every last little sucker. You are getting’ shit done today. Mmmmm…satisfying.

Virgo (24 August-23 September)

The lines are smudgy today Very Virgo. Things, people, emotions, events – nothing will stay neatly in its lane. Trying to Whack-a-mole everything back in its box will only speed up the craziness, and maybe prompt an emotional outburst. Try to go with the flow, it’s bigger than you.

Libra (24 September-23 October)

Somebody left the door to spirits cabinet open and your late great grandma stops by for a nightcap. Rather than be frightened out of your nightie (not gender specific) Luscious Libra, take it as an opportunity to learn something from the old and wise. Forget about the method of delivery.

Scorpio (24 October-22 November)

Could you be any more motivated to concentrate on relationships at the moment Super Scorp? Not in an undies-off kind off way. Rather a considered discernment of who to hang out with. How much love are they givin’? And how much are you prepared to return? Remember to use your heart and your head.

Sagittarius (23 November-21 December)

The devil has been hiding at the bottom of a heap of things in the detail drawer. And you, unwittingly, open the drawer only to find a list of things you may have forgotten to do. Problem is, it was written by someone you respect. You got this Saucy Sag, go have a chat and sort this shit out.

Capricorn (22 December-20 January)

The hard work continues Billy Goat, but someone notices how fucking awesome you are today. You didn’t even know you wanted to be noticed, did you? It’s a good day to think about the beliefs you have strapped yourself to and have an ideological spring clean. A new perspective can be liberating.

Aquarius (21 January-18 February)

Your creative soul figures out how to use a compass today Actual Aquarius and your due north pops fleetingly out of the crowd. Maybe, just maybe, you can give your overworked brain a rest and engage some of your other energies. They’d love to come to the party. Breathe it out to the world.

Pisces (19 February-20 March)

It’s the people outside your pond that make the most difference today Little Fish. The trick will be to discern the difference between criticism and assistance. Arseholes are arseholes, you can safely ignore them. If you share your opinions, there are some folks who will catch them and treasure them.

[ladyramora]

Rammy fucked an Ascian

Lolz knocked on Ramora’s door with one hand, her normally cute and serene face twisted with fury as her other hand held a white knuckle grip on Elezen Zenos (who she’d been calling ‘Zenis’ during their travels to keep anyone from figuring out who he really was)’s cloak. 

He didn’t seem bothered by it, in fact, he seemed rather pleased to be back here. 

Ramora opened the door, confused by the expression on her friend’s face, “Lolzy?”

“We need to talk.” she said darkly as she dragged Zenis inside by his cloak and Ramora closed the door behind them, concerned now.

Lolz turned around, released his cloak and pointed to Ramora, “Tell her." 

Ramora looked back and forth between her furious and slightly frightening friend and the supposed stranger in her front hallway, wondering what the seven hells was going on here.

The Elezen smiled at the Hyur and purred, "I believe introductions are in order.”

The pink haired midlander looked ready to rip him limb by limb, but instead she turned and indicated Zenis with one hand, “Rammy, this is Zenos, he killed himself because he wanted to escape his family, who apparently are part Ascian, and made a new body to roam around in with old magic tech, His old body is currently being used as a flesh suit for a different and non related Ascian so they can fuck with us more than usual.”

There was a long silence that sufficated the room as Ramora struggled to comprehend what her tiny pal had just said.

“…. What?” Ramora finally replied.

“YOU FUCKED AN ASCIAN!” she shouted, “AND NOW HE’S IN A NEW BODY AND ANOTHER ASCIAN IS PARADING AROUND IN HIS OLD ONE AND WORKING TO DESTROY EVERYTHING WE WORKED SO HARD ON, LIKE RECONQUERING THOSE COUNTRIES WE LIBERATED!!” She sucked in a breath, “OH! And I’ve been calling Zenos’ new body Zenis because he’s been a huge dick about all this!”

“I still have a huge-” he began.

“One more Gods damn word and I swear to all of them I will cut it off!” Lolz snapped, 'Zenis’ seemed amused by this threat, but he motioned for her to continue instead of baiting her to fight him. Most likely because Lolz had pointed out that, due to this body being new and how he probably wasn’t used to fighting in it, she had an advantage against him and that she had no problem using it if he pissed her off too much.

Ramora looked from one to another, noting that the Elezen in her home did resemble Zenos as she looked to Lolz, still confused, “But we-”

“Saw him nearly cut off his own bloody head.” She growled as she glared up at him, “Yeah, I thought he was dead too, until Asahi came around looking for a fight. I told him to fuck off, that Zenos was dead and he needed to stop following me. But then he told me that Zenos was alive. I thought he was crazy until my Echo showed me that he’d talked to Zenos with shorter hair and a bandage around his neck. So I decided to check his grave and found it empty. After that, I freaked out and then I went back to the memory I saw from Asahi and figured out that his body was probably possessed by an Ascian after seeing that something was off about him…”

“What do you mean, 'off about him’?” Ramora asked.

“Didn’t talk like how he normally did, walk was off, wasn’t nearly as blood thirsty, and wasn’t obsessed with killing you or me or any other warrior of light. You know, just the little things a girl picks up while eating with a person after he sleeps with your best friend.” She said lightly with a shrug.

“Oh-kay.” She said, “So what happened after that?

Lolz thumbed back at 'Zenis’, "Then this asshole walked up to me and started asking about you. Bringing up old conversations we’d had and asked if Asahi was still hunting me as his 'beast’” she made a disgusted face and shivered a bit, “After that, I asked him how he survived and he told me that the Garlean royal family had Ascian blood and that, thanks to the Echo and his damn Ascian blood line, he could transfer his aether into a new body that he had sitting in a special pod. Apparently they were kind of like the ones that he had Krile in, only they had empty bodies just floating in there.” She looked up at him, “Which is so gross and messed up…”

Zenis let out a laugh, “Have you met my family?!” he asked.

The two women looked at one another, recalling how they had defeated his grandfather ages ago.

“He’s got you there.” Ramora said. Lolz rubbed at her temples, “Yeah, I don’t know why I thought he would care…” she relented.

“And is it really that shocking that mine kin were Ascian?” He asked.

“YES!” Both of them said in unison.

“We didn’t even know Ascians could fuck!” Lolz blurted,“Let alone breed!”

“And how exactly do you think they came into being?” He asked.

“We were more focused on how to kill Ascians than make more.” Ramora said plainly. He seemed to consider that for a moment, then nodded, “Understandable.” He then looked around the house and then looked at the two women before him, “So what now?”

“Now you explain why you decided to switch bodies and kill yourself in public like that.” Ramora said firmly.

“That could take some time.” He warned, “And in her haste to bring me here, Lalafell did not feed me.”

“Lolz.” Ramora and Lolz corrected.

“And since when has that been my bloody job?” She asked.

“You do bring food to me a lot.” Ramora pointed out.

“That’s different. That’s YOU. He’s him… sorta, kinda…” she shook her head, “The point is, I make food for you because you’re my friend and I bring food for any guests you bring here, even the evil, murderous ones, because you forget to go grocery shopping a lot and it’s rude not to feed one’s guests.”

“Am I not a guest now?” He asked.

Lolz opened her mouth, her pointer finger aimed at him as if it were a gun, but Ramora stopped her with a hand on her shoulder and a shake of her head. Lolz closed her mouth and glared at him before stomping off into the kitchen, muttering curses under her breath.

“If you hold out on me, you will suffer unlike anything I’ve done to you before.” Ramora threatened.

“Don’t tempt me, beast.” He purred back as he walked towards her kitchen. Ramora scowled and followed the others there and sat at the table, glaring at him as he happily took a seat and made himself comfortable.

“Now let’s see, where to start…” He said, rubbing his chin.

(submitted by @lolzwaitwhat)

[grubhivemind]

-- decastichAmazifier [DA] began pestering devicefulFlightrisk [DF] at 22:42 --

DA: howdious rowdious rugby

DF: Oh hey Kavi.

DF: I forgot I was online... But thats okay.

DA: oh snap... everything ok Peapod?

DF: Yeah.

DF: ... No.

DF: :(

DA: :( wanna talk about it champ?

DF: I guess so... Its just embarrassing.

DF: Embarrassing and kind of frightening but mostly I feel stupid.

DF: I just found out Ive been hanging out with the guy who murdered Rammie.......

DF: And I really liked him.

DA: oh

DA: well damn

DA: ....sorry man

DA: that's.... wow ok so yeah that's pretty scary and upsetting

DA: ....

DA: you want some froyo buddy? :(

DF: Um...

DF: Yeah, actually... I think Id like that.

DA: sweet i'll bring some you-ward

DA: where you at?

DF: Im at my apartment.

DF: Let me... Tidy up a little bit...

DA: ok but mind you i'm not gonna mind

DA: i'll say things in a posh accent

DA: judging vocally with jokes

DA: but not really give a shit

DA: but do you sweetpea

DF: Ill at least clear a path to the door... Hehe.

DA: bitchin, catch you in 20

KAVI: *It doesn't take him long to gather said froyo and head on over to Jace's Place. They're gonna eat it straight out the tub like heathens. This is his plan. He has waffle cone chips and some other fixins in space ziplocs. Knockity knock knock*

JACE: *Jace's Place™ is a studio apartment in one of the older parts of town. a little run down, but the isolation was some of the appeal, on top of the aesthetic. he peeps out the peep hole before opening the door for his brother, putting on a smile, but his big old glasses only magnify his red puffy eyes.*

JACE: Hi Kavi... Come on in. *stands aside, pushing some more junk out of the way with his foot. which, yes, it's a bit of a disaster in here. he's been living here for a few months but there's still unopened boxes everywhere. a good portion of the floor is cluttered with gadgets and gizmos aplenty, but he's got a living area with a tv! and a bed! so that's something.*

KAVI: *aww... baby. Kavi makes his way in. He might tidy up after making Jace take a nap* sup broski *cheek smooch*

KAVI: brought some froyo for your soul yo

JACE: Thanks... Go ahead and make yourself at home. Sorry about the mess... Again... *closes the door and then goes to shuffle towards his couch. time to drape over it, dramatic and sad.*

KAVI: it's ok you should see my vanity *It's a goddamn disaster.... and his closet. And his life*

KAVI: *goes to sit on the couch and pops out all the froyo and fixins* i got spoons

KAVI: and toppings for what we load on the spoons

KAVI: we're gonna eat this whole tub

JACE: *holds his hand out for a spoon. he's ready.* Okay, good.

JACE: I hope you have gummy worms.

KAVI: *gives him the spoon and pops the top* dude, of course i do

KAVI: bears too

KAVI: and soul patch kids

KAVI: just in case you like to suffer

JACE: Apparently I do... :( *casually steals ALL of these toppings to put on his froyo.*

JACE: I um... Well... Ive gotten up to some other things, aside from hanging out with friend killers.

JACE: But you cant tell anybody about it, okay? *looks at him with big eyes while also stuffing his face.*

KAVI: my ears are always open for the gossip but my lips are sealed for your secrets

KAVI: *dumps a bunch of sprinkles on his spoon then scoops froyo*

JACE: I was on Odimist sometime... last week? You know, Ive been trying to study all the weirdness going on there.

JACE: I was creeping around Colts house... And Finn heard me. He thought I was like a home invader or something... But anyway, to make a long story short, I ended up hanging out with him and we were watching movies and stuff.

JACE: I got the bright idea to tell him I liked him... Which I guess was obvious to everyone BUT him. *sighs* He said he didnt feel the same way, but since I was being all mopey he tried telling me I was still... I dont know! Desirable? Ahhh.

JACE: So then I got the even BRIGHTER idea to-- Oh gosh. I dont even know how to say this... *covers his face and sighs*

JACE: I?? Made a move on him???

KAVI: .... *listens to this.... puts his fist up to his mouth*

KAVI: *considers*

KAVI: was there a weenie slip in there

JACE: *sweats...*

JACE: Ummm... You could say that.

KAVI: i could say it in other ways, should i do that?

KAVI: but also i mean...........

KAVI: that's..... you're business?

KAVI: i mean

KAVI: whoever you wanna bang that's up to you, you're an adult man

KAVI: i fully support you shopping to fill your sexual appetites

KAVI: i feel like it goes without saying i would kneecap anyone if it was funny business

KAVI: but if you're cool i'm cool and that's your choice.... but i'm sorry you didn't have your feelings returned

KAVI: *rubs his shoulder*

JACE: Thanks... *accepts the shoulder rubs, but he's a LITTLE FLUSTERED about everything else he said. kavi, please.* I dont regret doing what I did exactly??? But...

JACE: Maybe it wasnt the best decision for my heart in retrospect. And then Kougah... Bluh. *slumps and shovels more ice cream, eyes getting watery again.*

JACE: I must have pretty poor judgement or something.

KAVI: well...

KAVI: i can say

KAVI: that sometimes... an asshole isn't that bad but they're still an asshole

KAVI: so it's not bad judgement on your part really...

KAVI: because you saw all the potential non-dickery???

KAVI: but it's still kind of pretty big dicking in the bad way

KAVI: your judgement is fine but people are complex

KAVI: so it's hard to tell shit off the bat

JACE: *looks at him, pathetic and sad, but he's trying to believe what he's being told* :(

JACE: I guess so...

JACE: I just wish... I could meet someone that wasnt so completely wrong for me. Even just a little bit wrong for me would be preferable.

KAVI: yeah... you will

KAVI: you just have to draw the line of what you will and won't put up with

JACE: I guess murder is a pretty clear place to draw a line, huh??? *sighs deeply*

KAVI: i mean.... i personally don't endorse it and that's also pretty goddamn danger

JACE: Im just bitter about it... *looks at kavi again.* But thank you for listening.

JACE: I didnt really know who to talk to about this...

KAVI: you can talk to me, just so you know man

KAVI: i cast no judgement and i'm only moderately nosy

KAVI: i would ask how good a lay Finn is but i tend to stay away from meatsticks

KAVI: also you're still a little upset

KAVI: so it's a dish for another day

KAVI: *pat pat*

JACE: *wheezes gently about it, but then he laughs.* Yeah... Lets put that topic aside for now.

JACE: *squirms closer to lean on him. he's feeling cuddly after sharing all those emotions... exhausting.* Do you want to watch a movie or something? ... While we eat all this frozen yogurt? *ALL OF IT*

KAVI: most def Peapod *nudges him and readies his SPOON*

KAVI: *And so they totally didn't get bellyaches*

[ladyramora]

With friends like these...

Lolz walked up the path to her friend’s home with a basket full of food held carefully in both hands, rolling her eyes every two minutes or so that the young man in Garlean robes following her was being so Gods damn obvious. She was a Warrior of bloody Light and this bastard thought his trailing behind her and peaking out of things and being loud enough to wake the dead was the right amount of stealth to use here?

She was a bit insulted by that assumption, looks like she’d have to dish out some pain after she pulled some more information out of him like she did with many other Garlean guards.

She had a good idea why the man was following her, and decided that she’d find out for sure as she turned the next upcoming corner.

She slipped around the corner and through hedge into a small area between the hedges and the side of a house, waiting for a moment before hearing a male voice hiss out a swear.

That was her cue.

She popped out of the bushes behind the man and asked, “Excuse me, sir, are you lost?” she asked, feigning confusion.

He jumped and she bit back a smile as he quickly put on an innocent face and said, “Oh, you frightened me, I hadn’t seen you there!”

“Really?” She asked, tilting her head, “Because you’ve been following me around all morning, so I highly doubt that.” she said.

He seemed a bit taken aback, “I’m quite sure I don’t know what you mean…"he tried.

"Save it.” She said, her tone still innocent and sweet as it was before, her basket now hanging off of her arm and her weapon out and pointed at his neck, “I have a pretty good idea why you’re here and I can tell you right now, the giant jackass you’re looking for probably left hours ago, so you’re shit out of luck.”

“J-jackass!?” He spat, his false innocence quickly shifting into anger before he snapped, “My Lord is the heir to Garla-”

Lolz placed a finger in front of his lips, silencing him as she said, “I know, I know, Zenos is an all powerful psychopathic prince of evil, I get it. I fought him before. He’s still not here…?” she moved the hand in front of his face to motion for him to introduce himself.

“Asahi!” The man declared, a crazy look in his eye as he continued on to say, “His right hand man and most devoted of his servants!”

Lolz rolled her eyes, “I’m sure you are. I’m Lolz and Zenos is still not here. And it’s a good thing he’s not, I don’t even really like him and I feel bad for him to have a creepy stalker like you around.”

“Stalker!?” he blurted.

“You’ve been stalking me all morning just to try to find him! You ever think that maybe he leaves because he prefers having some time to himself… or with some sane company?” she asked, “I mean, considering that he’s a fucking crazy man who enjoys long swords in innocent flesh and painting tragic scenes out of the blood of his enemies, I think that, if anything, a devoted follower would be happy that he’s calming down a little, for your own safety at least!”

“Lies!” he accused as he took out his sword and sliced at her free hand, leaving a deep cut in the palm that made her let out a pained hiss as he ranted that, “My Lord’s skills and bloodlust cannot be dulled by the likes of a whelp like you and your comrades!”

“Then why are you here if you apparently have nothing to worry about on that front? If there is no risk and he’s a big bloody boy who can wipe his own arse than why are you going this far to escort him back?!” she asked, exasperated, “He’s pretty good with directions and there are people he can ask if he does get lost, so why come out here? Why follow me?”

“You’ve been seen collecting and making large amounts of food for days now and rumor has it, you’re taking it to the home of the whore-”

Lolz didn’t let another word leave his mouth before sending him flying through a few fences and smacking into the side of a sturdy house, dazed before she grabbed him by the collar and whammed him back into the house with a swift wave of her weapon and a venomously sweet snarl, “My friend is not a whore. She’s a good person with a good heart and who likes having company over.”

She put more pressure on his neck by pressing the back of her hand into his throat, and with the sweetest smile she purred, “Insult her again and I will make sure that there is barely enough left for Zenos’ lackeys to identify you with. Although, if I were being honest, I don’t see him even so much as blinking at your death, let alone losing sleep. A clingy bastard like you is more of an annoyance than an asset to any leader, murderous monster or no.”

With that, she pushed his head so hard against the house that he went limp and she let him slump onto the ground. She paused for a moment before she stuck both of his hands in his pants before she continued on her way to her friend’s house snickering like a child as she reached the property and knocked on the door.

“Rammy! I brought you brunch!” she called.

The door opened to a massive wall of naked flesh and she jerked her head back, “For the love of the Gods, Zenos! Either put on some bloody clothes or calm your Zenis before you take my eyes out!”

“My what?” Zenos asked as he glanced down at the tiny midlander before him, “You constantly say that to me and I have yet to understand what you mean by ‘Zenis’? Is that a Midlander phrase?”

“It’s a nickname Ramora came up with for your penis, you know, the 'special sword’ you plunged into her repeatedly last night?” She said, using one hand for air quotes before holding up the basket to him, “I brought more food.”

He perked up and let her through, taking the basket with an eager expression as she began searching the house for her friend, finding her only wearing stockings and searching through the discarded clothing for something in her bedroom.

“Rammy.” She called, the elezen in the room stopping, her ears perked up as she turned around and greeted her pal with a smile that made her mismatched eyes twinkle, “Lolzy! You’re rather early today!”

“It’s two in the afternoon, if anything, I’m late.” She replied, before thumbing behind her, “I brought food, better head out there and get some before the holder of the Zenis decides to claim it as an offering to his giant dick!”

“It would be a well deserved offering!” Ramora joked, both girls snickering before she threw on a dress and walked to the doorway.

“Thank-” she stopped, mid-sentence and stared at her friend, her eyes quickly clouding with anger, “Lolzy, what happened to your hand?”

“Hm?” she asked, holding both palms up to get a look at them and remembering the cut that the creepy man had left in her hand, which was now crimson colored and was starting to throb with pain, “Oh, I met Zenos’ stalker lackey today on the way over.” she said, trying to dismiss it as nothing, “Think his name was Ass-something, I dunno know. I told him your boy toy down there wasn’t here, he said he was… Long story short, Ass the Yandere is sitting bashed up a few doors down and we might need to add some security measures around your house,” she said as she began putting more pressure on her bleeding hand.

“Lolzy…” Ramora warned.

“I have it handled, white mage, remember?” she said, pulling out her staff and feeling her wound begin to close back up.

“Lolz…” she growled.

“I’m fine.” She assured her, “Really, you should see the other guy. After I knocked his arse out, I stuck his hands in his pants. Considering that he was probably seen following me all morning, if anyone found him like that, well, it wouldn’t be hard to assume the worst and lock him up for indecency and maybe even assault…”

“He was following you around all morning?!” Ramora cried out, horrified as she inspected her friend for more injuries, even going as far as beginning to undress her right then and there to make sure there weren’t any wounds she was hiding from her.

“Ramora!” she squeaked, her face pink as she tugging at the bottom of her blouse as the Elezen carefully inspected her torso and began poking about her small clothes, “I said I’m fine! The little shit is about as stealthy as I am fierce looking!”

Ramora struggled for a moment to contain the smile that was threatening to break through her concerned expression as she continued her check before dragging her friend to the nearest sink to wash her hands and then the two worked to heal it within seconds before joining Zenos at the table. 

He refused to share, as Lolz predicted, so she made her friend some eggs and toast and began chatting about exploring a new weapons shop later on that day before Zenos gathered his belongings, got dressed and started towards the door.

“Rematch?” Ramora purred at him.

“But of course my beast.” He replied, his eyes bright and eager at the suggestion before looking at Lolz, “Lalafell.” he dismissed, although if he couldn’t tell if she was one or not or if he forgot her real name, neither woman at the table knew…

“Zenis.” She replied coolly with a sip of her tea and a flash of her middle finger.

Ramora sighed and shook her head as he left.

“And here I thought you two were starting to get along.” she said.

“Not at chance.” Lolz said, “I just put up with him because you’re my friend and he, oddly enough, makes you happy. If that changes, I’m killing him and having his Zenis made into a trophy for your wall.”

“Daww, Lolzy!” Ramora cried as she gave her friend a hug, the two embracing before she said, “If you see the cur who cut your hand, next time call for me, okay? I’ll repay the favor to him tenfold!”

“He’ll be too busy being locked up in chains to be either of our problems for a while.” Lolz assured her, “I wouldn’t worry too much about him…” Ramora scowled at her and she sighed, “but, considering he could start stalking me too, if I do see him, I’ll let you know.”

“Thank you!” she said sternly before the two got up to leave for the new weapon shop to drool over blades and staffs.

“Hey Rammy?” Lolz said.

“Hm?”

“Thanks for worrying about me.” She said, “Even though I can probably handle that little creepy fuckboy myself, I’m glad that you want to look out for me.”

She smiled back, “Any time, Lolzy, after all, that’s what friends are for!”

—-

Asahi returned to the Garlean base a fortnight later, still fuming at the false accusations of him stalking and then trying to assault the wench who had gotten in his way!

If he ever saw that tiny bitch again, he’d kill her where she stood! Little lying demon! Hiding behind an innocent face and tone of voice and seeming so honest and sincere!

THAT WAS HIS THING!!! 

He stomped up towards his Lord’s throne room, hoping he could calm down a bit in his presence. After all, his Lord didn’t deserve to endure his lingering frustrations, he only deserved him at his best.

He opened the door and practically ran up to him to bow deeply, “My Lord, my apologies for not returning sooner-”

“I had not been aware of your departure.” Zenos said simply, barely sparing him a glance.

“I’ve… I’ve been gone for a fortnight, my Liege.” he said, shocked before scowling as he recalled the little mage’s lies, 'he wouldn’t even blink at your death, let alone lose sleep.’

Zenos’ eyebrows rose for a moment before he let them sink back down and got up from his throne and squinted down at him.

“You seem different than you had been before.” He said, thoughtful.

“A fortnight in a prison cell does that to a man, Sire.” He said, his fury forgotten as his beloved Lord bent forward and smirked, “Surely being locked away has not made you thirst for blood like you just did.”

He stood up as tall as he could and locked his eyes onto his Lord’s gorgeous blue depths, “No my Lord, I crave catharsis! Vengeance! I want payback on a warrior who has smeared my good name and reputation! I-" 

"You have a beast you want to hunt.” Zenos purred, excited, “And here I thought you were only satisfied with serving me! Come, come! Let us train and chat!” He said, motioning for him to follow.

Asahi dashed after him eagerly, not sparing the pink wench a second thought as they made their way to the sparring grounds. 

He just found a way to have his Lord notice him and he sure as hells wasn’t going to fail him!

(To sum up what happens after: Ramora keeps getting the d, Lolz keeps dealing with a d and Lolz wishes she put more into her luck stat. Zenos and Asahi keep having 'beast talks’ with Asahi barely paying attention as they train together, which is probably for the best as Zenos spends most of it talking about Ramora.)

(Submitted by @lolzwaitwhat)