#and the sports bra i had been using no longer fits me

[narumi-gens]

boundaries gojo satoru x f!reader

post-breakup!gojo who can't quite follow through on the breaking up. he's as present in your life after he ended things as he was when you were still dating.

he still blows up your phone at all hours with nothing important. he insists on holding your hand when you walk side-by-side. he still uses your apartment key, which you never had the heart to ask for him to return. you've ended up in more than one heated makeout session with him, although you have managed to keep them from progressing past him feeling up your tits over your bra.

and when you end up in the hospital after a mission, he shows up before even shoko can get there. you sigh when his towering form appears in the doorway of the room you've been given.

"looks worse than it is," you say and despite the way you slur your words due to the painkillers, it's true.

your concussion, while serious, isn't something that wouldn't heal on its own. your broken ribs managed to avoid puncturing any organs. even the burst blood vessel in your left eye that's colored the white of your eye a ghastly red is only really a surface-level injury.

but for once, the man who never shuts up stays silent as he pulls a chair close and sits at your bedside. he reaches for your hand but pauses when you wince at the pressure on the two fingers that are fractured and wrapped in a splint. instead, he settles for loosely holding onto your wrist.

"shoko's gonna fix it all anyways," you tell him through a yawn, your eyelids feeling heavy. "'sides, you shouldn't even be here. boundaries, satoru. 'member?"

it's a word that you've tossed in his face so many times since the breakup that it's lost all meaning. and it doesn't help that you've never managed to say it with any sort of real weight. instead, it usually comes out on the end of a resigned sigh.

you can feel his gaze on you even through his dumb sunglasses. normally, even post-breakup, you would reach out and pull them down his nose to meet those cursed eyes of his and make some joke. but with your brain working at a diminished capacity and your arm hooked up to an IV full of the best painkillers japan's doctors have to offer, all you can do is slowly blink at him in return.

"it's always boundaries this, boundaries that with you," he finally retorts with a shake of his head, but offers nothing else.

"'f you didn't want boundaries then you shouldn't've ended things, y'big dummy," you mumble, and no longer able to keep your eyes open, you finally let them close.

"I told you. I don't have room in my life for anyone else – i.e., you," he replies bluntly and you can feel the fit of giggles that you want to burst into, but all you can manage is a soft huff of laughter.

"liar," you say with a sleepy smile stretching across your lips. "can't even be honest when I'm strung out on painkillers. psh. lame."

it takes monumental effort, but you manage to crack open an eye so that you can see him sporting his own cheeky grin.

silence settles over you both and you feel yourself slowly beginning to fall into the blackness as your breathing slows. the soothing sensation of gojo's thumb rubbing circles on the skin of your wrist only aids in pushing you closer and closer to sleep.

"you were considered a suitable match." even on the edge of consciousness, the disgust in his tone at those two words reaches you. "I couldn't let them get what they wanted."

you let out a quiet hum in acknowledgment and wish you had enough strength to open your eyes, curious to see if he's surprised you weren't fully asleep yet.

"still letting 'em control you, hm? s'good we broke up. want someone who's only tied down by me," you mumble.

"baby, if you want to tie me down, all you had to do was say so," he jokingly responds, unsurprisingly choosing to sidestep the gravity of your words, no matter how slurred they were.

"boundaries, 'toru..." you trail off as you finally succumb to sleep.

[blackwidow-bby]

Side to Side -Alcina Dimitrescu x Reader

AN: Hi y’all! I interrupt my absence to bring you this! Thanks for the request @seasonofthebxtch ! I hope you enjoy! I know I did 😂 Sorry to everyone for not being able to put a “read more” break in it since I’m on mobile 😭😭

Warnings: 18+, teasing, dirty thoughts, fingering, strap use (r receiving), Alcina being cheeky and man-handling reader. She just likes to watch you work out maybe 😏

Thumpthump

Thumpthump

The little heartbeats Lady Dimitrescu was so used to tuning in to began growing in speed and intensity. During particularly stressful times, the soothing sounds of her partner’s calm heart rate would help to settle her own nerves. She could settle her own erratic beats.

The sudden change in tempo did begin to worry the Lady. It wasn’t very often her dear partner had such a spike in pulse unless she was scared or…

Hm…

Well, Alcina would hope that her lover would know the rules by now. As much as she enjoyed dishing out punishments, you had been rather good these passed few weeks, she would hate to see you break that good girl streak.

Maybe a little break from work to see what the matter was wouldn’t hurt. She sighed as she stood from her desk and rubbed at her temples. The work load she had taken up was beginning to wear down at her patience. Her feet subconsciously took her up to your shared room.

Thumpthump

Thumpthump

Your quick beat grew louder the closer she got to the room. It effectively enticed her more to know what the cause was. Her mouth was watering just imagining you sprawled out on her bed. Your nude body squirming in the pleasure of imagining your girlfriend over you, giving you the be-…

“Oh, huff, hey Alci.”

A blush crawled across her cheeks when she saw you in the middle of the room. Your body was indeed drenched in sweat. Your breathing was rough as you panted while you moved. Alcina couldn’t believe what she was seeing and how she hadn’t seen it before.

“Is there, huff, something wrong?”

Alcina’s mouth bobbed open and closed like a fish trying to breathe. She could feel her palms getting sweatier the longer she gawked. You had a whole home gym set up in the center of her bedroom. Currently, you were running on the treadmill, only clad in a sport bra and tight fitting gym shorts, hear pulled out of your face in a messy bun atop your head. Some of the hairs had fallen on either side of your face.

Alcina was mesmerized at the sight, completely unable to pull her eyes away from your chest, as it bounced with every step. She was happy you weren’t doing what she thought you were doing. In fact, it was so much better than what she thought.

“What on earth are you doing?”

“Huff, I’m just, huff, working out.”

“When did this start?”

“Like a couple days ago, huff.”

“Well don’t let me stop you.”

Alcina moved across the room, going to her dresser to grab a spare change of more comfortable clothing. As she moved around, she constantly side eyed you. Even though you were probably smelly and sweaty, she couldn’t stop silently fawning after the sight. This whole situation unlocked something deep inside Alcina that she didn’t know about herself.

She loved seeing you disheveled like this.

“How much longer do you have left, dear?”

“Not sure, huff, maybe 15 minutes?”

Alcina growled under her breath. She didn’t want to wait that long.

“Is there any possibility that you could get done sooner?”

“Huff, I don’t know babe, huff. I really want to get the rest of this cardio in, huff, then I’m all yours, huff.”

Alcina let out a delightful moan, all hers? You certainly will be. She paced around before she settled in front of your station. Although she wasn’t looking directly at you, she still maintained your form in her peripherals. You couldn’t help but watch curiously at what she could possibly be doing. No doubt she was up to no good. Sure enough, you were right.

Slowly Alcina began to remove her signature cream dress from her curvy figure. Her fingers danced around buttons with practiced ease, curving around edges and removing her clothing. You’ve never known her to wear undergarments but today she just so happened to be sporting a lacy maroon set. Her demi-cup bra barely encasing her assets and high cut underwear accented her more voluptuous features. Your mouth began to water at the sight. She was a whole meal and then some.

Just as quickly as she revealed herself to you, she covered it all back up with a loose fitting crew neck shirt and baggy cotton pants. When had she removed her hat? You could care less about it now anyway. The thoughts of ravaging your partner sent a shooting sensation straight to your core. You turned the treadmill up higher in hopes it would ease that feeling and get you finished faster.

She sauntered over to the bed, still making sure she had your eyes on her, and plopped down on the bed. Her legs spread out, the position could be seen as salacious had she not been fully clothed. Your mind wandered to crawling up between those legs, placing kisses to every bit of skin she would reveal to you. Worshipping her throne settled between the silkiest porcelain walls. Your core throbbed in time with your racing heartbeat. No telling how much you’d be able to hold off.

Only 7 minutes left of this cardio, you swear it’s going to actually kill you. To show how restless she was, Alcina let out a string of light moans and suggestive groans of impatience. Mostly to try to get you to finish early, but also cause she was just as pent up seeing you work out, as you were seeing her…well…exist. Alcina let her hands wander down her body in boredom. She would drag them up and down her torso causing her shirt to ride up a little. Occasionally she’d stop to grasp at her breasts before moving down, dipping below the waistband of her pants then moving up again. More and more her torso became exposed to you until it rode just below her chest.

You released a low grow. Fuck this cardio. Alcina heard a low beep before she felt you suddenly grab her wrist and force it between your own legs. Her eyes widened at the abrasive gesture.

“Look what you’ve done. Ruined my good running shorts.”

You spoke lowly, a hint of lust lacing your words. Her own heart raced as her fingers toyed with the wet spot between your legs. She did ruin your shorts and now she was going to ruin you. Before you could blink, you were thrown face down onto the mattress. Alcina’s primal growl vibrated by your ear sending an intense shiver down your spine.

“You looked absolutely delicious sweating like that. I’m going to see if I can make you sweat more, draga mea.”

She scented you right behind your ear as her hands roamed down your slick torso before grabbing both cheeks with her large hands. She felt up and down your body, kissing down your neck to your shoulder and shoulder blades. Her nose lightly rubbed at the nape of your neck. Each little movement made you whimper with need. She had always been such a tease, knowing exactly how to make you want more of her. Her right hand slid away from your ass to palm your clothed center. Middle and ring fingers rubbing up and down to soak in how wet she had made you. Pride coursed through her body.

Just as fast as she slammed you down, she pulled away your shorts, fully exposing your rear to her. She kissed down your spine before she began to kiss both of your cheeks. Your arousal was so powerful, she didn’t even need to dip lower to smell you. The heady scent overtook her senses to the point she felt surrounded by only you. Even though it was you that was physically surrounded by her. When her hand came up to finger at your folds, a full forced moan slipped passed your lips. The movement mixed with your slick core played sinful sounds. You arched your hips up toward her to coax her closer. You wanted her inside, wanted her to ease the pain she caused.

As if she was a mind reader, her two middle fingers sunk inside you with little resistance. Your pussy gripped her fingers in a vice at their prodding. Oh, she felt great. The pain and tension ebbing away gently at every slow thrust inside of you. Her left hand moved under your body to hold your stomach up enough that she could fuck you comfortably. Her moans mixed with yours each time she felt your warm and wet walls pulse around her digits. Even though the pain of being pent up left, a new pain of craving more hit you with a new intensity.

You arched your back more, effectively bringing your ass higher for her to hit new spots. Your moans and whines grew needier. Alcina bit at your shoulder blade before pressing deeper.

“Alcina!”

“Shhh, my little dove, I know.”

Her thumb moved down to languidly toy at your clit as her fingers pressed down to her knuckle with each entry but it still wasn’t enough for you.

“More, please. I need more.”

“My dear, you’re already swallowing my fingers whole, how much more do you need?”

“Th-the strap, pleaaasseee.”

Your whining pleased Alcina, she left from the bed, removing her fingers and quickly made her way to the drawer where the toy was kept. Her clothes were feeling a little too confining. She removed all of them from her heated body before she situated the harness around her hips. At this point you were on your knees with your chest flat on the bed, inviting and tempting your love. With a strength all too familiar to you, she flipped you on your back and forced your knees by your head. Thank goodness your prior workout included stretching. She bent you with ease, rutting the toy against your entrance to collect some of your wetness before she slipped in slowly. The stretch felt more amazing than her fingers did. The two of you moaned in unison as she watched the toy disappear inside your wanting core.

“You look delicious, my dear. By the gods, I could eat you right here and now, but I’ll settle for destroying you instead.”

Once she reached the base of the strap, she pulled out slow before thrusting back in quick. The head of the toy hitting that spot deep within. Your screams rang out around the room, waking up the animal in Alcina. A deep grumble vibrated at the base of her chest, her hands grabbing behind your knees tighter. She slammed into you over and over with a growing intensity. The pleasure took over your body. Her eyes stared down at your face as it twisted in euphoria. Your jaw was slack but the sounds didn’t cease. A snarky smirk made its way across Alcina’s lips at the first bead of sweat forming by your hairline.

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you? This is what you wanted isn’t it, little toy?”

“O-oh y-es.”

Your breathing grew erratic trying to catch up. Not a single thought in your mind other than how she was making you feel at this moment. Utterly blissed and fucked out of your mind. Her hips picked up their pace as she slammed again and again. The sound of skin slapping skin and your wanton moans was bringing Alcina closer to the edge herself. She was enjoying this too much. Watching your chest bounce in its confines, utterly at her mercy, begging for more and more even though she was giving you her all just shy of hurting you. She loved this. A much better work out than the one you participated in prior.

“Oh my little toy, I’m so close.”

“A-alciiiii. Cum with me.”

She could feel how close you were with how the strap was met with resistance on every down stroke. She was soaring with energy, her hips pressed more, jolting you with each thrust as she chased that sweet high only you brought her to. One of her hands slid away from its position behind your knee and with razor sharp claws, sliced away the sports bra effectively releasing your breasts to her. The freed hand reached for your pert nipple and pinched the bud, another wave of pleasure shooting to your core.

“Yes, yes, right there! I’m-“

Your orgasm crashed like a tidal wave, hitting you hard. Your screaming and panting caused Alcina to finally reach her own, her hips stuttering to a final thrust as her own high washed over her body. The two of you laid there trying to catch breaths. Her hand still help up one leg while the other rested by your head. Alcina couldn’t focus for a minute, her lids stuttered while you laid under her a drenched mess. You finally were able to pry your eyes open and stare up at her. Her hair was mussed, strands sticking to her forehead. Your hand came up to caress her damp cheek, to bring her sight on you. The hand that was holding your leg finally released it to settle on the other side of your head. After looking into each others eyes for a long while, you were hit with a fit of giggles. Alcina was confused until she too was hit with the contagious fit, the two of you laughing together.

“Maybe you should watch me workout more often. That was way better than my normal routine.”

“Mmm, stick to your normal thing love, I’ll just have to reward all of your hard work with more earth shattering orgasms.”

“Oh, I could get used to that.”

The hand that was on her cheek pulled Alcina down so you could kiss her softly. Her lips were that perfect soft plushness that you missed. You deepened the kiss by sliding your hand to the back of her head to grip the base of her hairline. Alcina moaned into your mouth, tongue sliding in tune with your own. Another quick flip and she rolled over on her back, toy still nestled inside you. Your eyes grew wide but Alcina just looked at you with a teasing gaze.

“Let’s see how well you’ve been working your core, draga.”

[robinsno1lesbian]

i've been boxing at the gym lately and i've just been thinking about boxer!robin as a trainer............... and her wrapping my hands and putting my gloves on homoerotically ...... - 🌼

boxer!robin x fem!reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1466

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 18+ mature content (MDNI), a bit of fluff maybe??, sexual tension, light smut, oral, reader is head over heels for boxer!robin, oh also i don't know shit about boxing so if things don't add up please pretend they do!

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: hi anon! i'm so sorry that it took me this long to get to your request, life has been pretty busy lately and people are flooding my inbox with their thoughts (not complaining one bit!!) either way i'm so sorry and i hope this makes up :)

this is really short but i'm trying to work through my inbox right now so i hope you don't mind!

you truly don't mean to gape at her like that.

god knows you've tried to turn your gaze away from her wandering hands. tried to focus on anything other than her fingers.

how fast they can work while she is securing the tape, using her teeth to hold it in place.

what a sight.

she is sitting across the room from you and her eyes are too busy with her own hands to notice your shameless staring.

she's got her legs the slightest bit spread, giving you just enough of a chance to see her athletically built thighs.

robin has her hair pinned up to keep it out of her face during training. she is wearing a pair of black shorts and a matching sports bra.

she has been doing this for a bit longer than you.

at first, you weren't exactly sure about it.

boxing really didn't seem like your thing. but after the events of 1986, robin had convinced herself (and you, after some time) that it was for the best if you worked on your own physical strength.

and this had been her solution.

and while you might have had your doubts at first, this turned about to be one of the best ideas robin has ever had.

not because you enjoy boxing that much. it's fun, sure, and a great way to keep yourself fit. but it's obvious that robin enjoys it more than you do.

what delights you about the sport is watching your girlfriend.

you hate to admit it but it's hot. it's so hot.

you love watching her during training, slightly bouncing on her feet in front of her opponent, arms swinging forward in hard punches with her newly gained strength.

or after training, when she's panting and a thin layer of sweat is covering her muscle.

when she undresses right in front of you, pulling her top over her head, her back on full display for you and steps under the hot steam of the shower with an inviting smile over her shoulder.

it is hot, there is no point in denying it.

but robin hasn't just gained strength, she has also gained muscle too.

not enough for anyone to notice on a daily basis really, it's always hidden beneath her rather baggy clothes.

you know though.

from all the times you have undressed her ever since. from the way her muscles harden beneath your touch, how her abs flex -caused by your lips against them.

from the way she picks you up with such ease and holds you up against whatever surface she can find and for however long it takes until you're shaking in pleasure.

her hands snap you back to reality. they are all wrapped up now, protected for the training that's to come.

"your turn" she rasps and reaches out.

"oh- y-yeah" you stammer and press your legs together as you give her your hands.

the memories of the previous nights are still running circles on your mind and the fact that she looks so damn good while she is working on your hand wrapping isn't helping.

"are you okay?" robin asks, brows furrowed in concentration while she is working.

"i- uhm- sure" her question has caught you off guard again.

and robin knows, judging by the way she is biting her tongue to press her sheepish grin.

your eyes move down, away from her face and to where your palm is laying in hers.

she's got one hand holding yours in place, thumb securing the hand wrapping, while the other is winding it around your hand.

she does it with such care, it gives your heart a flutter.

always gentle when she turns around your hand by the wrist to give herself better access, her fingers occasionally stroking over your knuckles in the process.

robin is always this careful with you of course, unless you ask her not to be.

but it's even sweeter like this; in the process of getting your hands ready for your shared hobby.

she does a great job in making sure your hands are well protected and she runs her fingertips over your wrists occasionally, soothing you.

the sensation sends shivers down your body. you shouldn't like this the way you currently do.

the shaky exhale falls from your lips on its own accord when she finishes up the first hand and presses her lips to each one of your fingertips.

you look up only to find her staring at you already. her index is ghosting over your wrists, tracing along the visible veins beneath your skin when she drops your hand and picks up the other to repeat the same process all over.

she is still gentle but her hands move with more purpose now, touch firm and not just brief brushes of skin against skin.

robin is biting her lip and her eyes are full of love and adoration and yet there's also something else in there. some hunger.

the kind you know all too well.

you swallow and she smiles, looks around to make sure you're all alone in the changing rooms and leans down to kiss your lips softly.

you sigh against her mouth and you can feel a smile creep up her cheeks.

she means to kiss you softly but you can't help yourself but wrap your arms around her and part your lips to invite her to lick into your mouth.

robin chuckles and her fingers run over the soft skin of your cheeks.

"come on" she whispers against your mouth.

"but-" you're about to protest, but robin cuts you off.

"later, sweet girl"

she turns around and grabs your set of gloves from the bag. you roll your eyes playfully but nod.

"good" she holds the glove for you to slip your hand inside.

there is nothing special about this, nothing scandalous or sexual. and yet you nearly choke on your own spit when she steps closer to put it on.

robin holds your gaze when she finishes tying them together, her fingers doing all the work well coordinated.

god, this is not gonna end well for you...

⋆

as soon as the door has shut on your way in, robin strips out of her sweat-soaked clothes and makes her way to the bathroom down the hall.

just like she has done countless times already. and yet it always works.

you drop the bag to the ground and your jaw practically drops as you stare at her backside: strong shoulders pushing up clothing pieces as she walks.

your mouth is watering at the sight of it.

"will you join me already?" she calls over her shoulder.

that's how you end up pressed against the tiles of the shower, with robin between your legs.

her hair is freshly washed and still wet, one palm flat against your belly while the other is between your legs.

she's got one thrown over her shoulder to allow her mouth the best possible access to your dripping center.

your head has fallen back long ago and you have lost the strength to keep your eyes open.

so you simply let it all happen, allowing robin to have you however she pleases.

"god robin" you whimper when she pushes a second finger into you, perfectly synchronized with the strokes of her tongue. "just like that"

the woman below you pushes her hair out of her face and stares up at you in amazement.

she loves that she can get you like this, that she holds the power to have your body shaking in pleasure.

"fuck- i'm gonna- i'm- god-"

"again?" robin chuckles, tongue still lapping at your cunt. "are you gonna cum for me again?"

she says it as if she's mocking you for it, but you know better than that. you know she wants this, wants her pretty face covered in your release.

pants of oh god, robin, and fuck fall from your lips as your orgasm washes over you and you arch your back against her face to have her just a little closer.

with robin's sweet praise in your ear, the vibrations of it going straight to your center, you cum over her.

[dcbbw]

Coitus Interruptus

This is my submission for @choicesflashfics​; I used the following prompt: “I can’t believe you would even think to leave me like this.” It will appear in bold.

This story is also the answer to a nonny ask: Has Riley ever faked the big “O”?

Thank you to all who read over snippets of this fic.

Thank you to all who will read the story. Your likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated more than you know. 

Please excuse any and all typos, missing/extraneous words, and/or grammatical errors. MS Editor rates me at 98% error free.

Pairing is (future) #Riam

All characters (except the children) belong to Pixelberry

Song Inspiration: Love to Love You, Baby, Donna Summer

Word Count: 2,400

Rating: Going with M/Mature because of lemon-scented Pledge

“You were simply wonderful this morning, love,” the King of Cordonia praised his Queen.

The couple were in the backseat of their chauffeured limousine, returning to the Palace after spending the morning at House Theron for a charity event sponsored by Duchess Joelle:

Gender is a Spectrum: A Union of Art, Fashion, and Inclusivity.

The program consisted of breakfast with the King and Queen, followed by an hour-long fashion show where models of all sexual orientations carried the Duchess’ latest art collection as they strutted and sashayed the runway in the latest haute couture from Ana De Luca, House Beaumont, and a rising up-and-comer from Duchy Domvallier whose works had been discovered on the app Fashion Parade.  

For the fashion show, Liam had been the emcee and Riley, one of the models.

“I starved myself to be able to fit into those skinny, too-small outfits!” Riley complained as she dug in her purse for her cellphone.

“You were modeling the extended size collection,” Liam reminded her as he nuzzled her neck. “And did so beautifully.”

Riley’s head swung around, her blonde bob swinging synthetic hair across her cheek. “Extended sizing begins at SIZE 8, Liam! SIZE 8! NOTHING on my body wears a size 8!”

She sighed as she resumed her search. “I swear, this baby weight … maybe dieting is a good thing.”

Liam didn’t bother to point out their baby, Theodore, was now seven years old.

“You’re on a diet?” he asked in surprise.

“Not really.” With a cry of triumph, her hand emerged from the handbag with the phone. She turned her head once more, her eyes narrowed with distrust. “Are you saying I NEED one?”

Liam shook his head quickly. “No.”

The couple had a rare weekend free; their sons were at Applewood visiting with Regina and their Aunt Lena. Both had plans for their open weekend.

Neither had communicated their plans with the other.

Liam had plans for his wife that involved no clothes, no work phones, and lots of sex. He wasn’t chancing an argument.

“AND you had breakfast this morning, so not starving,” he quickly changed the subject.

“Do you know how long ago THAT was?” Riley demanded.

Liam did know. Riley had eaten breakfast aboard the royal family’s private rail coach at 8am. It was now 11:30am.

“You call TWO pancakes and ONE sausage patty breakfast?? THAT is NOT breakfast! A snack, at best.”

Riley’s plans involved eating food she wouldn’t have to cook or share, simping over Gong Yoo, and finding a new hiding place for her snack wagon and hamper.

Ever since Liam’s children had entered the picture, Riley had no food to herself any longer. From the moment of conception, his kids had been nothing but crumb snatchers stealing all her food. If they had been her children, they wouldn’t do her like that.

Riley often wondered how she ended up a single mother, and sole food source to kids that weren’t even hers.

Liam moved closer to his wife, his lips ghosting her jawline. His thumb grazed against her nipple, hidden beneath a red cotton camisole tunic and black sports bra. His lips curved as he felt it harden beneath his touch.

Riley slapped his hand away. “I’m trying to make a phone call!” she chided snappishly.

“To WHO?” Liam demanded as he rubbed the offended spot on the back of his hand.

“The kitchens! I need sustenance!”

“We’ll be home in a matter of minutes,” the King argued. “You can order from the rooms, and we can … pass the time until it’s delivered.” He raised an eyebrow suggestively as his palm rubbed her thigh.

Riley stared at her husband; her expression was neither agreeable nor amenable.

We’re hungry for two different things, she thought. I’m Team Chicken Kiev.

Her gaze went back to her phone, and she continued dialing. Liam rolled his eyes, annoyance flashing briefly in them.

He knew when Riley was hungry, she was impossible to deal with. He should simply wait until she satisfied her basic hunger before gratifying his baser ones. But Liam was in heat for his wife, which made him obstinate, impatient, determined.

We can have a quickie, and after she’s eaten … she’s all mine, all weekend.

The King pulled his wife close to him, her cheek nestled in the crook of his shoulder as she prattled off a litany of menu items to one the Palace’s chefs: Chicken Kiev (it could be fried or baked, as long as it was crispy); wild rice with mushrooms and gravy; string bean almondine; fried spicy sausages; fried potatoes; devil’s food cake slices; baklava; milkshakes.

Liam smirked down at her. “I have all the sausage you need, love.” He waggled his eyebrows.

Riley’s eyes peered up at him. “Yours isn’t spicy or fried. Just bland and boiled.”

Once safely inside their personal quarters, the parents video chatted with their children, oohing over the excited chatter about attending a magic show the night before, and playing soccer with the local youth in the still-healing orchards earlier in the morning.  

They ahhed at the fact that after lunch, Aunt Lena was taking them to a street fair where there would jugglers, clowns, and cotton candy.

They bid their sons hasty farewells when the twins stated they wanted a dog, and their youngest began begging for a snake. A big snake, like the ones found in rainforests and jungles.

After the chat was over, Riley immediately called downstairs about her food.

Not ready yet. Soon.

She was leaned over, looking inside her nearly empty snack hamper and frowning at two packs of peanut butter and cheese crackers, when she felt Liam’s strong arms encircle her waist. His breath was warm and ticklish as his lips brushed over the raised hairs on the back of her neck.

Despite the rumblings coming from her stomach, Riley’s body responded instantly to Liam’s touch; she straightened up, pushing her back against his broad chest. She wriggled her ass against the crotch of his pants. She felt Liam’s lips curl against her skin, responding with a smile of her own.

And then her stomach loudly growled, and all thoughts of lust and lovemaking left her brain.

Where is my FOOD? How soon is soon? And now this man thinks I want the D.

The Queen exhaled a deep negro-spiritual sigh.

Let me handle this real quick.

Liam, of course, did not realize this. He thought her deep, put-upon sigh was a low moan caused by his roaming fingers and butterfly kisses. His wife’s eagerness in pulling off her clothes spurred him to disrobe in record time. The King did look strangely at his now nude wife as she hurried to their bed.

Riley preferred to saunter and tease him with her body.

“Come here, lover … touch my nakedness,” she purred as she crooked her index finger at Liam.

Riley was definitely never so bold, not when it was the two of them alone and intimate. This was when her vulnerability, her submissiveness to him freely revealed themselves.

But Liam’s need for her touch, her feel, her taste was almost overwhelming, and he began reasoning and justifying her unorthodox actions.

She’s in need more than me!

“I would deny you nothing,” Liam muttered in a husky whisper, his naked body joining hers on the bed.

He positioned himself so her breasts dangled enticingly above his mouth; his lips wrapped tightly around an elongated nipple, and he began to suckle gently. His hand curled around his very erect shaft, lightly stroking himself from head to base. He whimpered softly at the feel of his wife’s fingers in his hair.

“OW!” he yelled as she pulled his hair, hard. “What the HELL, Riley?”

“I want you inside me. Deep inside me,” Riley explained as she settled spread-eagled on the bedcovers. “Come ON,” she whined as she surreptitiously glanced at the clock.

It’s GOT to be soon now!

There was a scowl on Liam’s face as he stared moodily at his wife. His scalp tingled where she had yanked his hair. He wanted nipples on his tongue. But Riley wanted him inside of her.

I did say a quickie first ...

The King pulled himself up on his knees, his gaze trained on his wife’s sex. He plunged two fingers inside her entrance; they flexed and curled against her walls as arousal dampened his skin. The Queen’s hips arched against his hand; slowly, Liam removed his digits, placing them in his mouth before licking them clean. He pinned her wrists above her head as he sank into her.

Immediately, Riley’s neck arched as her hips bucked against his; moans, obviously forced, were uttered along with encouragements such as, “Fuck me harder, baby. Give me your dick!”

Liam stopped his thrusting; if one were counting, he had only gotten in three. His hands released her wrists, and Riley immediately began flailing her arms about. His wife looked like a one-person show consisting of really bad porn, crooked wig included.

Liam slowly pulled out of her tightness; Riley was still gyrating her hips, throwing in a back arch for good measure before her grand finale.

His eyes alternated between widening and thinning as Riley continued her histrionics, oblivious to the fact that Liam was no longer participating.

“Oh baby … oh baby … I’m cumming. I’m cumming, Liam,” she gasped, not a drop of sweat anywhere on her body. No trembles, no panting of breath. Nothing to indicate she had exchanged pleasure with the man she claimed to love.

Because she hadn’t.

“RILEY!” Liam bellowed.

Her eyes flew open, and she grinned up at him. “Was it good for you, too? Yeah? Okie doke, lemme up!”

Liam’s palms were pressed into the sheet-covered mattress, one arm on either side of his wife. “Did you just FAKE an orgasm with me?” he demanded angrily, his complexion reddening with frustration and disbelief.

Chimes rang throughout the suite, indicating that someone had entered the quarters.

“All’s fair in love and hunger!” Riley exclaimed as she pushed Liam off her, leaving her wig behind on her pillow.

“I can’t believe you would even think to leave me like this!” Liam hollered in annoyance, his index finger pointing to his half-erect penis.

His wife didn’t even look his way. In less than 10 seconds, she had tossed her nightgown over her head, grabbed a robe, left Liam alone in the room and was greeting wait staff.

She kissed the startled employee full on the lips as her eyes took in all the food.

After two pieces of Chicken Kiev, two whole sausages, a huge portion of fried potatoes, and some green beans, Riley felt common sense return to her body. Her eyes rolled in ecstasy as she devoured a slice of the chocolate cake; it fully restored her senses and sensibilities. Completely satisfied, she hummed softly to herself as she stored the leftovers in the refrigerator.

Now she was ready to perform her wifely duties.

Happy wife, happy life.

The Queen entered the bedroom, her eyes taking in her still-naked King; Liam’s hands were interlocked behind his head, which rested on two king-sized pillows covered in silk casing. His body stretched the length of the bed, one ankle crossed over the other. He was watching an international news channel.

He did not look at his wife.

Riley bit her lip before standing in front of the television screen. She gave Liam a sultry look before enticingly sliding the robe off her body.

Liam picked up the remote and turned the electronic device off.

Undeterred, Riley slowly licked her lips as she skimmed her palms over her curves. Her fingers tugged at a black lace strap, rolling it off her shoulder.

Liam turned onto his side, away from Riley; he pressed his palms together, resting his hands on the pillows; his cheek lay on the back of his hands.  

“ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?” Riley shrieked as she threw her robe at him.

Her husband lifted his head, his eyes mere slits as he glared at his wife. “I AM AS SERIOUS AS YOU WERE PERFORMING YOUR … “

He sat up, throwing his arms in the air. “I don’t even have WORDS for what the hell you did!”

“I WAS HUNGRY!” Riley stamped her foot against the carpet.

“You lied to me and made a mockery of the most sacred act of our marriage. I have nothing further to say to you,” Liam replied coolly as he laid back down in the bed.

Riley continued to stand, a stupefied look on her face. “I’m ready now,” she whined.

Liam exhaled a loud breath. “I am neither hungry nor horny.”

“I cannot believe you are making a huge deal about me delaying sex,” Riley huffed as she continued to undress.

“This isn’t about the SEX! It’s about you thinking you can get away with faking an orgasm with me! And in such an obvious way, as if you think I’m stupid! You were extremely selfish, Riley and you attempted to play on my intelligence!”

“You KNOW how I get, Liam! You KNOW!”

“Apparently, I don’t.”

Riley pushed her lips to the side as she considered how to make this right without admitting she was wrong. Naked, she climbed into the bed, pressing her ample breasts against Liam’s muscular back.

“Show me on the doll where I hurt you,” she whispered against his tawny-complexioned skin.

Liam attempted to shrug her off, but Riley clung to him like a burr.

“Is it here?” she kissed his shoulder blade.

No response.

“Here?” Her lips brushed the nape of his neck.

Despite his best efforts, Liam felt his cock stir as his erection began to grow.

“STOP THAT, Riley!” His hand harmlessly swatted air.

Riley’s hand reached around to encircle his shaft; she smirked in satisfaction. “Ahhhh, here it is. Let me kiss it better, love.”

Liam frowned as he debated his options: Continue to refuse his wife or receive oral gratification. His pleasure derived from hers; he had never needed her mouth on his sex, but he did want it. He did enjoy it.

Immensely.

She owed him an apology.

He rolled onto his back, his eyes closing in pleasure when he felt her other warm wetness wrapped around his cock.

The couple spent the remainder of the afternoon in bed, lost in each other.

Riley didn’t fake anything this time around.

Liam made sure of it.

Tagging:  @jared2612​​ @ao719​​ @burnsoslow​​ @marietrinmimi​​ @merridithsmiscellany-blog​​ @queenjilian​​ @indiacater​​ @kingliam2019​​ @bebepac​​ @liamxs-world​​ @mom2000aggie​​ @cmestrella​​ @liamrhysstalker2020​​  @neotericthemis​​ @twinkleallnight​​ @umccall71​​ @superharriet​​  @busywoman​​ @gabesmommie1130​​ @tessa-liam​​ @phoenixrising308​​ @beezm​​ @gardeningourmet​​ @lovingchoices14​​ @foreverethereal123​​ @mainstreetreader​​ @angelasscribbles​​ @lady-calypso​​ @emkay512​​ @jovialyouthmusic​​ @21-wishes​​ @princessleac1​​ @charlotteg234​​ @queenrileyrose​​ @alj4890​​ @yourfavaquarius111​​ @motorcitymademadame​​ @bbrandy2002​​ @eversoaringqueen12​​​ @queenmiarys​​​ @choicesficwriterscreations​

[roguestarsailor]

Idk but I am getting extra emotional about the concept of Barbie and the context surrounding Barbie since I saw the movie! For me it bring me back to my childhood and being a girl and still having this sense of wonder and possibilities. I feel like these days I’m boggled down by the idea of a future but it HAS to be “realistic” or feels like I have to “settle” or “compromise” and it wrecks me.

I see everyone around building a life with someone or adamantly trying to and I’m still not there…idk if I’ll ever be tbh and it’s like oh I have to be ok with being by myself? Be ok with friends no longer prioritizing our friendships? It’s like be ok handle my one household income situation? And then thinking about the steps it takes to find someone, learn about them, and make decisions with that person in mind ALL THE TIME, and stay and be in LOVE someone for a very long time is absolutely insane.

When I was still playing with Barbie, she was anything and life could have been anything. Now it feels like I’m questioning what I want, what matters and societal expectations. I know people say don’t give a fuck and *I* am the only one who thinks this way but when everyone is doing this I can’t help but wonder why I’m so different and this anticipation dread of when I’ll slowly lose my friends to their romantic relationships and feeling like I have to figure out how to get human connection as they trickle away.

Besides romantic relationships, it’s that I have to compromise on my dream house/apartment to something that fits in my budget (which is very low) rather than make me feel good to live in. Besides that it’s like I want a good community of people who genuinely care about each other and the environment around us, I want walkability, I hate depending on a car (I hate the suburbs!!!), I want things close by and it’s ALL affordable.

I’m so stressed by my financial situation and it’s like I feel guilty buying things I want yet it’s the only thing that brings me a sense of excitement that feels in control and like the feeling that this is going to change my life for the good (a little bit)! I stress about my health all the time because getting older means I cannot eat whatever I want nor really do what I want physically, AND I have to watch my body and be hyper conscious about it aesthetically and presenting myself in an acceptable way where people will be nice and can respect me. I spend so much time having to find clothes that compliments my body type and hide the “bad parts” and then despite working out three times a week and walking close to 10k steps a day, I still look the same and I still not happy visually (to some degree PLEASE MEN I know I shouldn’t but come on it’s a complex situation). I want to play sports and feel that adrenaline but my knees aren’t great and it’s physically hard to do those things with my body type (even with the help of very very expensive and specialized sports bras and leggings) and it’s upsetting.

Barbie could be anything and I projected a lot onto her! Like in the movies, she was a white Barbie and she’s skinny and can be athletic and she’s got Ken, she got friends everywhere, she’s got homes in a walkable community and it’s what I want! There’s cultural trauma there too and being surrounded by very privileged folks puts a huge lens on the things I missed out on because I didn’t grow up that way and how everyone seems so far in life because they either already went through what I am going through or they never had to wonder what making the “right” decision means, or the fears that guided the choices I made and never having this sense of anxiety about the future, about myself, about myself in the context of the rest of society and even this sense of shame by not having and not participating in what’s common…it’s a lot!!!

[luccorvus]

Hope this isn't weird but I've never tried one of those tops bc I have no idea what bra you'd wear with it? Like what kinda wool do you use if you're just gonna wear it with nothing else 😶 it looks so good I'm just worried I won't wear it bc I feel uncomfortable

Hi Anon! 💖

These tops are usually made from cotton yarn. It's breathable, soft and has good structure. I wear this one without a bra underneath as it has cups built in. That said, I'm personally sporting a C cup, so I get on alright without that much support. If you need that, I would look into patterns that better accommodate wearing a bra underneath and/or are made for fuller chests!

More tips:

I want to mention that I started this project a year and a half ago, when I had just begun learning to crochet, and I used yarn that requires a size 4 hook, even though the pattern uses yarn for a size 2,5. This resulted in the top no longer fitting like it should, and I gave up. Fast forward to yesterday, I picked it up again and free handed the rest of the top to make it fit me. I do not recommend this approach for beginners, but turns out this thicker yarn offers more support than the thinner kind, so that's nice!

I have always been skeptical of these tops as I think they look flimsy, mostly because they are usually backless and tied with thin little single chain strings.

I made a thicker cord to tie it with and attached it really securely to the top (link to cord tutorial):

I also added "flaps" on the back to offer a bit more support

They're basically made like the cups, but without the "cupping" effect. To do that I just made the chain spaces at the tip wide enough to make it lie flat

Also remember to try it on as you go and don't be afraid to add an extra row here and there to add more length/width to make it fit you better.

I hope this was a little bit helpful, anon! Have fun :)

[yellowdaisy2023]

CW dysphoria

hey y'all, little more serious than what I tend to post and not related to any fandoms. but, this last week I've been incredibly dysphoric and I wanted to share some things that helped me in hopes that it might help someone out there as well.

*important note: I'm an AFAB nonbinary person who tends to present more feminine/androgynous. for me, my dysphoria this week was because I wasn't masculine enough and it made me feel bad mentally. I am also curvy with a small waist and pretty wide hips. it's also important to know that I'm still in the closet to my parents so the things I do have to be subtle enough (no fake facial hair or anything like that) because I'm not out yet

binding. I bind with a tight sports bra. I did this three days in a row but it started hurting and effecting my breathing so I had to stop. when I stopped, I used a looser sports bra because it still compresses my chest but not quite so much and it's not as right around my ribs.

shirts. I tend to shop in the men's section for shirts regardless, but I did buy two men's shirts this week because 1. the design helps (I read somewhere that chest designs can help hide your chest so I used that when I couldn't bind) and 2. they fit me better because I get a size up and the chest is a bit baggy. I also recommend layering and thick shirts. they can help hide your chest as well and they really helped me.

pants. like I said, I'm pretty curvy, so when I wore jeans I avoided my curvey jeans that really hug my hips and accentuate that wave. my jeans were tight, especially around the hips just because that's what happens when I wear jeans, but it came pretty much straight down from the thighs instead of hugging the outside of my knee and my calf. I also wore sweat pants that are super comfy and baggy enough that I don't feel like my feminine figure is being as shown off.

makeup. I wear makeup every day because I feel more confident with it (I'm blonde so my eyebrows and eyelashes are very light so I prefer them to be visible). I bought brown mascara and it actually helped A LOT. I love it so much. it's not as bold and obvious as the black mascara I tend to wear but it still made my eyelashes obvious and longer.

jewelry. I wear rings and necklaces every day. the only thing I changed about my jewelry was my necklace and one ring. the necklace I tend to wear is gold and on a chain but instead, this week I wore a necklace with a cord instead of a chain. as for my rings, they're all relatively androgenous and didn't bother me except for one I wear on my ring finger that was kind of dainty and silver that I swapped out for a thicker silver one (from the men's section of the store lol) that I wore on my pointer finger.

bonus, my friends. I'm out to some of my friends but didn't really talk about what I was going through except with one. she really helped, gave me great suggestions (shout out to them❤️) and when they saw me the next day they called me "pretty boy" which made me very happy. I really recommend talking to anyone you can if you feel this way, sometimes friends can give you everything you need.

I really hope this helps anyone. pls feel free to add to this if you have an experience with something else helping tlor just wanna share. if you have any questions, comments, or just wanna talk feel free to dm me I'd love to talk. thank you for letting me share this 💛💛

[im-just-a-random-fandom-girl]

listen, i don’t know if this will reach anyone that could maybe give some advice or perspective but honestly i just need to like talk

long discussion (rant) about gender identity and how i am very confused below the cut

so i’m a bisexual woman and do not feel any distaste of being called a woman. i love it. i love girlhood and sisterhood, even with the challenges that come with it

that being said, i have been thinking about whether i might be non-binary? or like fluid in some regard?

so the reason i’m second guessing or really having a hard time thinking about this is that i know that gender presentation and gender identity are two totally different things, and they do not have to align with traditional norms. i do dress androgynously/more masculine and feel most confident in than clothing style, but that doesn’t mean i’m non-binary. another thing i’m struggling with is that i also, as i said before, really like being a girl and the sisterhood that comes with it (albeit after unlearning some internalized misogyny and i’m-not-like-other-girls thinking)

so then, why do i think i might be non-binary? again, a few reasons.

the main reason is that i’ve always struggled with body insecurities that i now look back and think may have been more accurately described as body dysphoria. having talked to other people about their experiences with puberty, i came to realize that my experience was not the same as other people i know (and at the time, i think i knew this a bit too). i hated every single second of it, to point that even saying the word “puberty” around me would send me totally spiraling and sobbing up until the age of like 15. you can imagine the lengths my parents had to go to try and help me through it and educate me.

growing breasts was awful. i hated having to think about my chest. i hated wearing bras, but i also hated not wearing bras because then you could see my nipples/boobs more. this is still an issue i have, but i didn’t really think about it until it hit me that i sometimes go out of my way to pick an outfit i can wear a sports bra with because it compresses my chest. i also do not have a big chest in the first place! i am an A-cup, and i still feel like this

on the flip-side, though. i also hated growing body hair and still hate that to this day. i was bullied on one occasion about my leg hair when i was 8 and it has stuck with me my whole life for some bizarre reason, so it might be in part a response to that? but having body hair is just not appealing to me. i’m hispanic and have some dark facial hair and i am getting laser hair removal in december for it because it’s been such a problem for me for so long. whatever, my point about this is that i associate giving a fuck about body hair (like not wanting to have any) to be a sign that i’m not non-binary because it’s such a like “feminine” quality, while not caring about having body hair is so much more how i have seen non-binary represented

one of my more recent (like last 5 years lol) insecurities that i feel like might also be dysphoria is my hatred for my hips and a real admiration of the male build. i’m mid-size (28-30) and strongly dislike showing off any curve. when i used to wear skinny jeans (lol), i had to pair it with a long cardigan or loose shirt. now that i’ve actually developed a sense of style, i love baggy jeans. barrel jeans are my current fav. anything that makes my hip-to-leg ratio not look so pronounced makes me feel so good. perhaps a contraction is that i like tight fitting tops equally as much as a love a good baggy tee. i really envy how shirts fall on men’s bodies. when the bottom of my shirt is long enough to fall at or below my hips, it is genuinely the worst. i hate how it bunches funny. the solution is cropped tops or tucking the shirt in… but i don’t feel comfortable in crop tops and sometimes tucking the shirt is not the vibe. i just want to fall so i look like a rectangle lmao. also shorts. i want shorts to be longer and looser and look of me how they look on men. short shorts are a no for me

my preference for androgynous/masculine clothing also feels like less of a preference and more of a need? i don’t know how to describe it the right way. basically, i’ve recently come to realize that the average person’s reaction to having to wear clothing that does not match their typical gender expression would not be to sob uncontrollably or be like wanting to not leave the house or crawl out of your skin. which is what i feel like when i wear clothing that to me feels too feminine. skirts. dresses. frill. sparkle. bright colors. any like funky sleeve (i realize that is very specific). certain neck cuts of shirts, like v-neck or scoop.

although the distaste for skirts and dresses didn’t hit until high school, i’ve had the other preferences since forever. my mom loves frilly clothes and i can’t tell you how many blow-out arguments we had when i was younger about her buying me something frilly or sparkly or bright and me just screaming and arguing about how much i hated it. if she made me keep it, i would never wear it. if i was forced to wear it for like a funeral or wedding or something, i would often throw a fit.

buying a prom dress was the absolute WORST. the process induced my first panic attack, and involved crying every time i tried on a dress. my poor mom and aunt were so patient. i really could not articulate what i didn’t like about the dresses. looking back, i think that because i didn’t have a sense of my style even in my regular day-to-day yet (thank god for college) and i had never once second guessed anything related to my gender, i could not myself even understand that i just didn’t like feeling so overtly feminine. it was overwhelming.

this is not to say that i never present more femininely in my day-to-day now. i do every once in a while, usually if i’m dressing up for an event or going out. i feel like it partially might be that i don’t know how to dress up while maintaining an androgynous look, but it also doesn’t bother me for those situations. that being said, the next day i always have a far swing into masculinity. baggy cargo shorts, my tightest sports bra, and an oversized tee shirt. i had a friend tell me one time i looked like a dad when i was dressed like this the day after a night out and i actually beamed. she thought it was kind of mean and apologized but i ate that shit up.

anyway, this is what’s been going through my mind a lot the last… 2 years maybe?

i feel like questioning for so long is an indication that i may be too, but i’m like so so fearful. am i trying to be trendy? am i just a woman who likes androgyny? i don’t want to feel like a fraud using she/her and they/them pronouns. can you identify as a woman and still use they/them? isn’t that inherently not what being non-binary is? am i more gender fluid, then? i feel no strong draw to any pronouns. my only feeling is that i would rather not be referred to with he/him, and also that i like being called a woman.

anyway

i’m very confused a need help from knowledgeable queer people. i have no older queer people in my life and i just don’t know who to talk to.

[campingtonki]

Sage collective leggings

The Girlfriend Collective tights deliver on all of the above. on weekdays and basically all weekend, it’s imperative that I have a pair that’s comfy but fitted, pill-proof and that I can move around in. As someone who lives in pretty much only leggings after 5 p.m. I wholeheartedly approve! Hilary Hagerman, Lifestyle Managing Editor I’ve been wearing my leggings to run errands and when lounging around the house, and after several washes they still look brand new. The dark green leggings are such a trendy colour right now, and the high waisted fit when paired with the sports bra felt like an option I could not only work out in, but feel good about working out in. I ordered a medium (I’m a size 6) and was really impressed by how much compression the leggings had, while still being comfortable and accentuating my curves. Other leggings that I’ve ordered online have either been too big, or too small and really restrictive. As someone who has more of an hourglass figure, I was worried that it would be difficult to find a pair that fit. I was pleasantly surprised when I tried on my leggings and sports bra from Girlfriend Collective. I love to wear them, but hate how difficult it is to find a pair that’s flattering. I have a love/hate relationship with leggings. This content is not available due to your privacy preferences. Made longer and boxier than what I’m used to, it unfortunately created underarm cleavage I didn’t love. While I now basically live in these leggings during the weekends, I did have some issues with the matching Paloma bra. Thanks to its four-way stretch, the 23 ¾” length inseam comfortably hugged my legs with an above-ankle cut-off, sans the unattractive bunching that typically happens with standard-length leggings. But to my surprise, unlike the several pairs that have defeated their purpose, these Goop-approved leggings fit me like a glove - checking off all the boxes for the perfect length, compression and overall comfort. As someone who often hops between the women’s and pre-teen boys section to shop for athleisure and activewear, I wasn’t expecting much wear out of these leggings. Alyssa Tria, Shopping Editorįalling just under five feet naturally has its woes: one of them being rarely able to find the perfect length of pants. To put them to the test, each of the Yahoo Lifestyle Canada editors tried out the brand’s signature Compressive Leggings and Paloma Bra to see how they compare to some of our other favourite activewear brands.

[kos-mos]

also uuhh had a really rough month, i'm getting my ssi soon but either way i'm opening full regular comms again now

[sukirichi]

defeat (m.)

no thoughts, just sparring with naoya in his black tee and fucking him all sweaty

cw. sweaty sex, breeding kink, naoya and his wife are both ass people, doggy style, naoya is very touchy, lame fight scenes lol, creampie, unedited and just brainrot tbh

note. in honor of naoya being a canon ass man and overall just celebrating his sexiness (plus talking to my wife about naoya genuinely awakened my breeding kink) prompted by this ask!

# part of the trophy wife collection

“Let’s train. Gym, in five minutes,” your husband commands with a playful glare. Rolling your eyes at him, you lean back to make yourself more comfortable on your seat, arms crossed over the robes to show your defiance.

It’s not every day you tease him like this, but training in the middle of the day? You’re not in the mood of it.

One quirked brow from Naoya, though – merely a premise of what is to come if you don’t follow him to the training grounds – has you switching to your yoga pants and a fit shirt to match his outfit. The whole way there, you shamelessly stare at his backside that looks enticing and begging to be squeezed, especially in his light grey sweats that cling to his thighs deliciously.

“You done staring at my ass now?”

“Nope,” you chirp, popping the ‘p’ as he begins to stretch, rolling his eyes at you when you still very much openly stare at his ass. But it’s fine, since he’s doing the same and you’re prompting him to in the first place.

Out of your extensive wardrobe that your husband spoils you with, you had to choose a pair of dark yoga pants that are hugging the outlines of your legs, your shirt barely even keeping you modest as you extend your arms side to side. You and Naoya smirk at one another, cursed energy kept brimmed to the bare minimum as to not hurt each other. Despite always being cooped up in the Zen’in Estate per Naoya’s orders (and you don’t really feel like going out anyway), neither of you doubted your skills in sparring.

Long before he met you, he’s heard of your name spoken in high esteem, another special grade one sorcerer just like he was. This fact remains even as you’re married now, and Naoya closes the gap between your bodies, his gaze directed at your lips and hands trailing up to squeeze your neck, his eyes so hazy that it seems as if he’s not entirely aware of his actions.

“My love,” you purred, clasping the wrist connected by the hand where his thumb is rubbing circles over your vein. “Are we here to train or are you too distracted?”

“A sorcerer must never be distracted.”

“So keep your eyes wide open, sweetheart,” Ducking your head under his grasp, you ram yourself into his chest where he immediately falls on the ground, the wind knocked from his chest. Naoya’s reflexes are fast before he’s up to his feet again to mimic your stance, his arrogant grin showing that he’s not that irritated by how devious you could be, using your allure as his woman to take his attention away, if only for  a little bit. “You look a little tired. Want me to go easy on you, babe?”

“Don’t you dare.”

Cheater, he’s a fucking cheater! Faster than you could comprehend, Naoya already has you pinned before him, your legs locked in place with how he’s shifting his weight onto your ankles. You hated it so much every time he used his technique against you, but then again, there weren’t any rules that stopped him from doing so.

“Well?” he prompts and leans down, hovering his lips right before your ear while you pant under him. “Aren’t you going to fight back? I didn’t invite you here to be boring with me.”

Stifling a laugh, you use your strength to push him off you, and you spar heartily with your husband who seems to be in a good mood, considering the rare influx of compliments leaving his otherwise harsh tongue. It’s no easy feat as he’s skilled even without using his techniques, and the both of you are breathless by the time you’ve delivered and handled the other’s blow by blows, your palms and muscles sore.

Your husband is in no better state.

He’s struggling to catch his breath, his legs bent and his arm drawn over his knee. Naoya chuckles under his breath when you drape your sweaty arms over his back, shameless and wanting as you tap his cheek to urge him in for a kiss.

Albeit grumbling he doesn’t really want to touch you when you’re covered in sweat, he kisses you anyway, smiling before he hitches you onto his lap that you’ve proudly claimed as your throne.

“Where’d you learn to fight like that?”

“Sometimes you forget I’m just like you, Naoya,” you rub your nose with his, foreheads pressed while you rock yourself over his groin. His eyes darken in warning, large hands coming up to knead your ass that you know he worships so much, though he makes no move to stop you, and really, he never would. “Just because I’m your precious little wife who would gladly serve you tea, doesn’t mean I won’t hesitate to hand your ass back to you.”

“Oh, will you, now?” he chuckles, “I’d like to see you try.”

“I already did.”

“Only because I let you,” Naoya mumbles on your lips, his once curious kneading now turning more intentional, more heated. “You’re funny if you think I’m letting you win against me.”

“So then why did you?”

“Because if I do, you’ll let me do this.” This refers to tearing your shirt apart, exposing your sports bra to him that is now clinging to your skin from the sweat, droplets of perspiration dripping from the tips of your hair and down to your flushed chest. Gasping from the torn material, you try to slap your husband’s destructive hands away.

“Naoya, that’s my favorite shirt!”

“Because you like the brand or you know because I go crazy every time you wear it?”

“Both, of course,” you scoff, and Naoya silences your protests by capturing your lips for another feverish kiss. A cheater, a huge, immature cheater he was – he knows so well that you get so weak every time he’s like this, and it really isn’t beyond him to exploit other’s weaknesses for his own enjoyment. And as much as you enjoyed this too, you don’t really want to fuck in a room that smells like sweat.

“Naoya,” pulling away from his sweet lips (which is a shame, really, you could’ve made out with him a lot longer), you ignored the throbbing he’d caused deep within your core. “My love, if you want to fuck me, you should take me back to the room.”

“You’re ordering me around now?”

“You will take me to the room,” you repeated firmly, dragging him down by the collar to force him to look at you. “Be mean all you want, but at the end of the day we both know you want to be buried inside me.”

“You’re not any better, wife,” he remarked, and he squeezes your sensitive breasts as if to prove a point. “At the end of the day, we both know you want me deep inside your tight cunt.”

“So then let’s help each other out.”

Ordering him around was one thing, but compromise? Naoya is a man capable of it, he just doesn’t like to show it because he doesn’t want people questioning his power. Your husband who is mostly anger and greed, his mind clouded by the need to always be better than others, shifts a little just for you as he carries you in his arms, your legs wrapping around his slender waist like second nature.

Naoya must’ve been so eager that you’re back in your room in a flash, with your back bouncing on the mattress and him stripping above you.

“No!” you insist and stop him, “Keep the shirt on. Please?”

“What the fuck for? It’s sweaty and sticky.”

“Exactly, and you look sexy like that.”

“Fucking filthy,” he scolds, but keeps the shirt on anyway and lets you roll it back to his waist. His pants, however, they need to be off. Your husband watches with unmasked interest as you push the band of his pants until you’re throwing it somewhere on the room. In return, you shimmy out of your yoga pants that are now uncomfortably pressed to your skin, discarding all forms of clothing that irritated you. Settling down on the bed, you spread your legs right beside his hips, but Naoya only smirks, groping your knee with a chuckle. “What, you think I wanna fuck you like this?”

“How else then?”

“Oh, come on,” he prompts, “You kept staring at my ass the whole time. I think it’s time I return the favor.”

Without another word, he flips you onto your stomach and grabs you by the waist, giving you no time to relax before your head is pushed back down on the pillows. Naoya’s warm cock is throbbing from your backside and he groans, delivering a harsh smack to the skin before it aches under his touch.

“Such a pretty fucking ass that’s begging to be fucked,” in time to his words, you wiggle your hips at him in a silent complaint to get moving already. Naoya simply grips down on your hips to keep you still, spanking you once more as a lesson. “Don’t fucking move.”

“Naoya, please, just fuck me already.”

“Needy little wife, begging to be ruined, huh?” Another smack.

Shutting your eyes tight, you fist the sheets under you as tears come to life. “Yes, ‘em so needy for you, Naoya, want your cock so bad, please-” Your pleading is cut off when he slides into you in one fluid motion, his deep groans resonating around the room once he’s seated comfortably. Mouth falling open at the pleasure of being stretched so open and shocked by the fact you’d already been so wet, you could barely register the pace he’s started.

Naoya keeps fucking deep into you, slapping your ass repeatedly and calling you his dirty little slut – mine and all mine only, he said. You’re left immobile and whining under him, all of your consciousness centered on the burning sensation between your legs.

Beneath you, Naoya’s hands travel to tug your bra downwards. The material remains stuck under your breasts and you moan around his rough, calloused hands that are expertly kneading your breasts. His pace quickens until his hips are roughly slapping against yours, grumbles and garbled moans mixing in with your little gasps of his name in a desperate plea to be brought to your orgasm.

You feel so raw, so dirty, so filthy like he said.

Sweat and arousal is coated on your skins and everything about this position feels so primal, even more so when he begins to rub at your clit just to push you over the edge. “Oh, fuck!” you grasped his bicep with one hand, the soreness of your muscles extreme.

“Yeah? You like that? You’re such a good fucking girl, taking my cock like a bitch in heat,” he spits in your ear with lust dripping from each word, and his words are enough to make you cum around him.

Walls clamping down on his cock, you hear Naoya grunt above you, his chest now pressed onto your back. You’re crying around him but he only goes faster, he’s so close and like the good wife you are, you help your husband by driving your body back to meet him thrust by thrust. Naoya’s chuckles are stuttered and half mixing in with moans when he runs a hand through his hair, those same hands following in gripping your cheeks to face him.

His kisses are sloppy and short-lived; you’re too busy moaning and he’s struggling to breathe with your pussy convulsing around him. “God, so fucking tight!”

“Hmm, come on, baby, come for me,” you encourage by rolling your hips around his cock, ignoring the fact the oversensitivity is making your legs turn to jelly and your arms are seconds away from giving out on you. But you hold strong, this is the duty of his wife, and you look past your shoulders as Naoya digs his nails into your hips to keep you still while he cums inside you.

“Oh, fuuuuckkk,” prolonged groans spill from his mouth the same way his own cum is released in spurts from your pussy lips.

Satisfied and extremely tired, you fall limp on the bed. Naoya dips two fingers to collect the mess you’ve made and you shudder, but then he lets go of you until your lower body is sliding back down on the bed, eyes droopy from that heated fucking. The minute sounds of sucking is enough to let you know your perverted husband is most likely feasting on your cum, but nothing prepares you for when he pushes them back inside your pussy.

“N-Naoya!” you exclaim and stare up at your husband, whose attention is zeroed in on your pussy lips hungrily encasing his fingers and cum. “What’re you doing?”

“You think that’s enough to get you pregnant?”

“What?”

“Don’t answer that,” he narrows his eyes and begins to pump his cock that is half hard again, the sight making anticipation and arousal throb all over you. You’ve seen that look on him before, and it’s the face he makes when he’s dead set on accomplishing something. “I’ll keep fucking you until I’m sure you can grant me an heir.”

In combat, you’ll most definitely spar with your husband without fear of losing, but having Naoya in bed when he’s determined on breeding you is a different thing.

This, without a doubt, is the one thing you can’t beat him on. And not that you wanted to, anyway, having him fuck a baby in you does sound nice.

Locking your eyes with your husband, you willingly spread your legs open for him again.

[bunkerbucky]

Casual Sabotage *Bucky Barnes x Reader*

Reader is hit with sex pollen. Except she doesn't crave her boyfriend, Steve Rogers. No, it's his best friend, Bucky Barnes, that she wants inside of her. Bucky, in the beginning, is a good bro and refuses. But due to the fact she sucks his dick so good he kinda, sorta, loses that restraint and just fucks her regardless of who she belongs to.

Rating: Explicit [+18]

Warnings: Sex pollen= Dub-Con, Rough Sex, Rough blow-job, rough oral-sex, vaginal sex, praise kink, breeding kink, size kink- Bucky has a big dick in this lmao, choking and biting kink, infidelity; Reader cheats on Steve. 

TW: Dub-con- Reader is under sex pollen, so she actually cannot give consent and also because Bucky is so resistant in the beginning. It turns consensual on Bucky's part, he gives in to the temptation. But, obviously, reader is still influenced so... the lines are blurred.

Yourself and Bucky had searched the Hydra base from tippy-top to bottom. There was nothing out of the ordinary, which infuriated you a little. With the amount of recon work you both had to do, the long nights of watching the agents coming and going, you felt like you both deserved a small win, at least.

A long sigh escaped from your lips as Bucky's fingers typed furiously on the computers keyboard, a USB stick in hand just in case he found something exciting. Your arms were crossed over your chest, eyes scanning around the bases' security room, roaming the shelves and cabinets that held nothing of importance. A week of nothing, you wanted to cry.

"Hmm," Bucky low hum attracted your attention, "It says there's a basement to this building, we haven't checked that out." His steel eyes look over the screen and at you, you respond with a shrug of your shoulders. "We've got two hours before the cavalry arrives to pick us up, let's explore and see if we can obtain something to keep from Rogers from complainin'"

You giggle slightly at Bucky's comment, nodding in agreement with him. Steve would have a lot to say if you went back empty-handed, especially since he sent you both rather than himself. But you couldn't lie and say the thought of seeing Steve after so long didn't excite you. You had missed your boyfriend dearly, you weren't allowed on missions together since finally making things official. Work ethics and all that jazz.

Instead, you and Bucky had started to partner up, Steve didn't trust anyone but himself, and Bucky, to keep an eye out for you. Who better to watch over his best girl than his best friend, plus Bucky was your friend before you got with Steve.

"What if we go down there and there's a great, big monster waiting for us?" Sliding into the small elevator beside Barnes.

Bucky looked down at you with a raised eyebrow, "Then I'll be throwing you out as a distraction, so I can press the elevator door button to leave."

You both ended up laughing at his response, although when the doors finally did open and reveal a darkened basement layer... there was a moment of silence, you both side-eyeing one another at the lack of sound and movement.

Bucky stepped off first and the automatic lighting triggered him to pull his gun from its holster, his reflexes sharp and fast. You step off and follow Bucky down the hall towards double doors, the room through those doors was abandoned and huge. Desks with old computers, all smashed and out of use. Stacks of files and paper scattered on desks and the floor. Despite the mess, it all looks really promising, there had to be something amongst the chaos.

You both separate to cover more ground, you only had a limited time before you had to leave. You looked through paper and files, shuffling through stacks of meaningless bullshit. Hydra certainly kept a record of everything, including all the worthless crap. You wondered if they actually printed this stuff to lead you guys on wild goose chases like this, to make sure you were distracted with searching for something important amongst all their bullshit.

You ended up in the far back of the room, a small desk area had random empty vials littered across it. Files labelled in Russian, that you couldn't translate very well.

"Hey, Buck," You called over your shoulder as you lifted an empty vial, a cork tightly shoved in the top; curious. "Think I might've found something."

The vial itself was black, not black liquid, the vial was just black. It didn't feel weighted, it didn't feel like anything was moving inside of it. So, curiosity got the best of you because you yanked the cork off the vial. Black smoke puffed out and into your face causing you to inhale and go into a coughing fit. Waving your arms in front of your face, coughing at the inhalation of whatever was inside that vial.

It smelt like... old leather, peppermint toothpaste and...something else, like a deep musk. Odd.

"Hey, are you okay?" Bucky suddenly appeared at your side, a hand placed on your back and eyeing you with concern. He then grabbed the vial from your hand, it was clear and no longer black. "What happened?"

Your coughing had subsided, you felt fine. "I think there was some kind of smoke or whatever in there, I don't know. The black stuff just burst out, I was stupid-"

"Damn, right." Bucky looked mad, which was a given. "Hydra is known for making gas poisons, Y/N. That was a rookie move, never open strange vials." He didn't sound too mad at you, a little more concerned and worried.

You nodded, frowning when feeling the back of your neck sweating. You felt... hot. A sweat was taking over your body, your mouth was getting dry and your mind was going fuzzy. Bucky hadn't noticed, his eyes cast down to the Russian files on the desk, his hand flipping through the old pages and taking the information in with wide eyes. You briefly wondered if whatever is written in that file had anything to do with that vial.

"Fuck," Bucky muttered.

"What?" Your throat was scratchy, your breathing was becoming laboured and your palms were sweaty.

You didn't feel hot, though. You didn't feel sick either.

"Well, I'm guessing whatever was in that vial was... to put it plainly, sex pollen. It makes the patient unable to think of anything but sex, all they want and all they feel is lust. It's basically either used to breed or on prisoners- the pain of not getting off thoroughly enough can lead to the patient taking extreme measures: death." He shakes his head, you don't notice the horrified look In his eyes at the thought of maybe it being used on him when under Hydra's control. "You're likely fine, though."

"I wouldn't be so sure," You managed to gasp out, your thighs squeezing together and eyes closed, you wanted to feel embarrassed but you couldn't. "My head is spinning and, fuck, I need to get this off. I feel too hot, I'm burnin' up." Clawing at the collar of your own tact suit, your hands were shaking and you couldn't bring yourself to look at Bucky.

You wanted to look at him though. You knew he was standing close to you because you could smell him, he smelt like the black smoke did. He smelt delicious, intoxicating in the best way. God, you wanted him so badly. You needed him.

"It's going to be okay, Y/N. I promise, we'll get you back to Steve and he can-"

You shook your head and finally pulled the zipper down of your jacket, shrugging the bulletproof material off your shoulders.

"Need you." You managed to mumble out, lifting your gaze to Bucky, who was frowning and shaking his head. "Please, Buck. I need you! I can feel my skin crawling and-I'm in so much pain, please." Your voice a mix between a whine and beg.

"I can't- you're not thinking properly. Steve will be here soon and he can help you, he's your boyfriend, remember?"

You pulled the black, tight sleeved henley from your body and let it drop to the floor, it covered in sweat. You're standing in a sports bra and tact pants, chest heaving as you try to intake gulps of oxygen from your panting. Even with half your clothes off you still felt sweat bead and drip down your skin.

"I can't wait that long," You sniffled but no tears forming. "Please, I want you-I've always wanted you. You read the file, I'm going to die!"

Bucky continued to shake his head. "I won't do that Steve. It says that it took a couple of hours till that point, Steve'll be here soon and I'll explain to him what happened."

You groaned painfully, shaking your own head now. Not understanding why he couldn't just help you now. You were in immense pain and the throbbing heat in your core wasn't letting up.

You didn't want Steve to help you. You didn't need Steve to help you, it wasn't just because he wasn't here. You wanted Bucky. The smell of him, the heat radiating off his body when it was close to yours. You craved for him to touch you, to fuck you. You were sure the moment he touched you that the pain would ease, the flames that were consuming you would simmer down.

And you were certain that he wanted you too.

Taking the initiative you moved closer to Bucky, the short hairs on the back of your neck were drenched in sweat, you could feel it drip down your back. You placed a hand softly on his metal arm, the cool vibranium instantly cooling you down. Bucky let out a shaky breath and looked at you, eyebrows furrowing together as he took in your features. You were sure you could see the fight in his eyes, he wanted to help you. To touch you.

It was frustrating that he wasn't giving in. That he wasn't falling to his desires.

"I won't tell Steve, I promise." You whispered and pressed a kiss to his collar, inhaling his scent and shuddering when it filled your senses. He wasn't pushing you away, but he also wasn't giving in to touching you back. "It can be our little secret. I know you'll make me feel really good, he won't be able to help me like you can."

Her other hand trailed down his chest and stopped at his belt, Bucky was too busy telling her everything he had already been saying. Telling you how you love Steve and Steve loves you. It would break Steve's heart if he found out about this talk from you if he knew what you were saying to Buck. You didn't care, not right now anyway. You had always found Bucky attractive and before getting with Steve you had entertained the thought of Bucky, but he was just getting back his life. A relationship seemed too much for him, well that's what you thought.

You didn't settle for Steve, that was never the case. You love Steve, you know that. But, right now, here with Bucky, you knew that he'd be able to help you with this- more than Steve could. Steve was a peaceful lover, an attentive one. You needed this illness fucked out of you- at least, that's what your hazy brain was telling you.

Your hand slipped under his belt, a wide grin taking over your face at Bucky's shock, words choking out as you wrapped a hand around his dick. A sense of pride coming over you as he began to get hard in your hand, a few quick jerks as started to undo his pants with your free hand. Bucky was stunned into silence and compliance, unable to stop you just from the fact he hadn't been touched like this in a while.

He came to his senses when you noticed you get to your knees, his pants undone and pulled down his muscular thighs. Bucky slapped your hands away and tries to pull his pants back up, but you were putting up quite the fight. You roughly pushed him back, he ended up falling to the ground due to his pants restricting his movements. In the moments he fell down and was trying to figure out what happened, you had pulled down his boxers and gulped dryly at his semi-hard length.

"You're so big," You mumbled before wrapping your lips around the tip, a loud groan echoed through the room from Bucky.

You could feel him growing inside of your mouth as you tried to take more of him down, slobbering up his dick and licking around the shaft. Pulling off to run your tongue around the veins and down to his balls, gently suckling them into your mouth as you jerked his length till it was fully standing erect. You smirked to yourself at all of the noises Bucky was making, a hand being placed on your hair- which normally you hated Steve's hand in your hair, but you'd allow Bucky this time.

"Fuck my throat," spit was around your mouth and down your chin, "fuck my throat with your big cock."

Bucky's eyes were wide and lust-filled, there was still a hesitancy from him. A dilemma going on in that head of his, so you wrapped your lips around his cock again and started to slowly take him down. He was bigger than Steve, so much bigger, but that only spurred you on. You wanted him to roughly fuck your throat, you wanted to feel him at the back of your throat even after this.

You felt both his hands on your head... he started to push your head further down, the tip hit the back of your throat and you still hadn't taken all of him. He started to ease past your limitations, your eyes filled with tears as he stuffed your mouth impossibly full. Your lips stretched wide around his girth, he could feel your throat constrict around him and the slight gag you couldn't help because of how far he was down your throat.

"Fuck, so good." Bucky groaned lowly, eyes completely black and bottom lip trapped between his teeth. You knew your panties were soaking, a slickness collecting on your thighs as you rubbed them together, the flimsy material of your underwear was sticking to you and making you rub yourself just to alleviate the friction. "I'll deal with your pussy in second, right now I'm going to fill this hole up."

It was like Bucky snapped, the trepidation he was feeling before was long gone. It was now replaced with this new Bucky, and you loved him.

He wasn't merciful when he started to thrust in and out of your mouth, his balls were slapping against your chin harshly. The grip in your hair was harsh as he pushed and pulled your head to meet his hard thrusts, your eyes rolled into the back of your skull as he basically skull fucked you. Loud gagging sounds, your throat squeezing his cock as you fought for air, he only eased up when you looked like you were going to pass out. It was seconded worth of air before he repeated his onslaught, spit and cum was dribbling down your chin and onto your chest and sportsbra. Bucky kept his eyes on you, it made you shiver how he was looking at you.

Bucky didn't warn you when he was about to cum, instead, he held your head down, almost shoving his entire cock down your throat as loads of his cum spurted out and shot straight down your throat into your tummy. You hardly tasted his cum because of how far he was down your throat. He groaned as he came, swallowing thrusting his hips into your mouth as he milked his orgasm. He pulled you off his cock, it was still hard, thankfully.

He helped pull you to your feet then undressed you, roughly pulling the sports bra off your chest and yanking your pants down your legs. He ripped your panties to shreds and let the tattered pieces fall to the floor, his hungry gaze took in your shaking, naked form. Your thighs were glistening from your arousal and it was still leaking from your pussy, hardly any attention to it made you needy and wishing to be stuffed full.

"Turn around." The authority in his voice made you shiver.

You turned around and felt Bucky place a hand on your shoulder, bending you over the desk where you found the vial. The pieces of paper clinging to your sweaty skin and making you keen into his touch more. He kicked your feet further apart, a hand tickling the insides of your thighs and collecting your sweet juices. Expecting to feel fingers prodding around your entrance, instead, you felt a firm tongue lick from clit to fluttering hole, it dipping inside and collecting the juices wanting to leak out of you.

Your mouth fell open into a silent scream, his tongue was exploring so far into your pussy, his hands gripped your cheeks apart so he could push further inside of you. Tongue fucking you so roughly and expertly, your eyes almost went crossed out from the feeling. You didn't know you could be tongue fucked this good, but Bucky just lived to prove you wrong. The slurping sounds and moans from the man behind you, he lifted and bent your knee to rest on the table; opening you up further for his trained tongue.

"You're gonna have to let me have a taste of this everyday from now on, baby." Bucky groaned against your pussy, mouth closing around your clit as he sucked harshly, your mouths drowning out his own. "Taste so good," the tip of his tongue running figure eights on your engorged clit.

Bucky must've stayed between your legs for minutes, but it felt like hours. He pulled two back-to-back orgasms from you, only using his tongue. When he was done eating your pussy, he stood up and draped himself over your back, an arm wrapping around your neck as he breathed heavily into your ear. You could feel his cock nudge up against your pussy, sliding and coating himself in your juices.

"You ready for me?" You whined your response, trying to push yourself back against him but his arm tightened around your throat- not restricting your airflow. "Think your little pussy can take my dick, dolly?" You nodded in a rush, needing it inside of you otherwise you was going to die. "I've got you," The tip nudges against your entrance and began to push inside, the stretch was painful but welcoming. "Daddy's got you."

Your pussy fluttered around his length, the more he pushed his thick length in the more you moaned. He wasn't even half-way in when you started to babble about how he was too big for you, how he wouldn't fit inside of you. That only made Bucky want to prove you wrong, want to prove that you were made to take him. He started to thrust shallowly, rocking his length in and out of you, impaling you on him more whenever he pushed forward.

Once he was fully sheathed inside of you, he stopped and remained inside of your tight, heat for a moment. Relishing in the way you were split open around his cock, your walls were spasming around him and he was having a hard time not cumming on the spot. You felt so tight, so warm and wet around him, suddenly envious that Steve got to have you all the time. But he was planning on ruining you, to make sure the next time you fucked Steve it wouldn't feel as good.

He was going to fuck you so hard, so deep that you'd be wishing Steve was this big.

"Hang on, baby." That was the only warning you got.

Bucky started to pummel inside of you, his thrusts were hard and fast, his cock was kissing your cervix. You really could only just lay there and take it, your mouth open as moans were ripped from you, eyes rolling back as he kept impaling his girth inside of you. He was hitting spots so deep you knew you'd be feeling him for days afterwards, you'd be walking with limp and sore, it was worth it.

The way he was fucking you, it was as if he had something to prove.

The sound of skin slapping skin, his grunts and groans right beside your ear. His arm around your neck, clenching and cutting your airflow off at times, had you cumming within seconds and he still didn't let up. He didn't stop and fucked you through your third orgasm.

Your mind was starting to come down from the pollen, the pain and fever you were feeling had gone. Replaced now with pleasure and pain, a mix you didn't think you were into but now couldn't get enough of. All you could think and feel was Bucky Barnes. This was no longer the effects of the pollen anymore, this was pure you and riding on the afterglow of Bucky fucking you like you needed.

"Harder." You mumbled through heavy pants, tilting your head to look at him over your shoulder.

A smirk crossed his features, metal arm holding your hip in a bruising grip. Complying with your order and snapping his hips hard into your heat, grinding his hips against yours before pulling back out and repeating. It causes your back to arch, pressing your pussy back against his thrusts with little mewls leaving your lips.

"Kiss me." You plead breathlessly.

Bucky doesn't falter with that demand either. Draping himself over your body again and pressing his plump lips against yours, the kiss is far more gentle than his thrusts, but it still has you moaning against him. He was kissing you like you was fragile, yet fucking you like you were some kind of sex toy that he was using just to jerk off into. It was making your head spin and your pussy needy for more.

"You gonna come again?" Bucky chuckled against your ear, you nodded sharply and cried in pleasure when he bit your shoulder, cumming on the spot when his teeth dug into your flesh. "Mm'good girl." He mumbled as he licked at the tender spot, you could feel his hips stuttering their pace.

"Cum in me." You grinned and he cursed lowly, eyes squeezing shut. "Want you to fill me up, daddy. Fuckin' fuck a baby into me, fill me up."

The arm around your neck was pulled away, hand splaying across your back as he started to thrust into you in tight, fast and hard thrusts. Using your body to seek his own pleasure now, you were biting your lip at the thought of him filling you up. Not even caring if he actually did knock you up, you needed his cum inside of you.

Bucky found his end after a few careful thrusts, warm ropes of his seed filling you up and then some, he filled you up so much that it started to seep out around his cock. He groaned at the mess he made inside of you, he carefully pulled out of your abused cunt to see your hole clenching, trying to keep his creamy load inside of yourself. He had to look away because if he kept staring he'd get hard again, he didn't think you could take another round or load.

You remained bent over the desk and trying to catch your breath, his human hand was rubbing comforting circles on your back. Before you or Bucky could say something a buzzing sound captured both of your attention, it was coming from Bucky's pant pocket. He left you to retrieve his phone, eyes scanning over the device for a moment before he looked at you.

"Steve is waiting at the extraction point for us," You nodded mutely and you both got dressed in mutual silence.

He helped you to look presentable, ignoring the fingerprint bruise on your hip and the obvious bite mark on your shoulder. You were unsure how to explain any of that to Steve, you were also unsure how to explain what happened to Bucky. Obviously, you had still had those feelings for him, right? Otherwise, you would have been able to wait for Steve, it was like all sense of self-control had left you and only Bucky remained in your mind.

As you both left the base in awkward silence, treking the five miles towards the extraction zone, you wondered if you would have craved for Bucky if you was with Steve. If after all this time it was Bucky and not Steve you wanted.

All you knew was that Bucky had ruined you. You could still feel the impression of him inside of you, the way he had so deliciously stretched you open and impaled you on him. The way he had roughly fucked your throat like it was nothing but a hole to get off into. He had fucked you, in more ways than one.

(Please, let me know what you think! I’m also taking requests too! Honestly, kinda wanna write a part 2 where Reader tries to have sex with Steve but fakes her orgasm just to go to Bucky... I’m a bad person, I just think Bucky would be better than Steve tbh lol~ Lilith)

[hyunjilicious]

what is and what should never be [bucky barnes]

A/n: ok, so. Im really fucking insecure about this. I literally poured my heart into this fic. I'm genuinely unhappy with the beginning, but I promise you, it gets better!! I don't have it in me to rewrite it for the 4th time. I really hope you'll still like it though. If you ask me, this is the best fic idea I even had. Please, please, if you enjoyed it, let me know!!!

Summary: It was you and Bucky. An unlikely couple that shared equally disturbed pasts. When you get a day off, your paradise turns into hell as Bucky's nightmares return, leaving you alone to deal with The Winter Soldier. (FLUFF, SMUT, ANGST) 12k

Warnings: 2 smut scenes - they're graphic but not extreme, fluff, angst, violence, mentions of death and suicide, blood, a fight scene - also quite graphic but it was written to serve the angst. I don't want to spoil the ending, but if you really connect with the characters, you will not hate me!!

This day had been long awaited. After months of back to back missions and endless efforts to climb up the greasy pole of US social standards, words failed to describe how ecstatic you were to know, that for the next 24 hours, your whole schedule would fully be in your hands.

You had the freedom to do just about anything you wanted, and the simple fact that the rest of the avengers left to deal with some paperwork excited you to no end. You woke up when it was time for them to take off, and made a snarky remark about heading to the gym - something along the lines of having a productive day centered on self development.

Just about 20 minutes later, you and Bucky, now also alone in the Stark Tower, decided to start off your day on the right foot. He offered to make protein smoothies as you changed into something comfortable and fitting for a workout, but neither of you got their job done.

You had no idea how that happened, but before you knew it you were wearing your sports bra and still had your pajama pants on, moaning on the counter of Tony's kitchen as Bucky had lodged himself between your legs, hungrily exploring the heated skin of your neck, peppering you with bruise marks that represented his adoration for you. "You heal fast anyway" he shrugged, pulling you closer and digging his teeth into your flesh, sucking profusely and eliciting an erotic moan from your lips. 

With every new hickey he left, another one would disappear, which in turn would make him even more frustrated, “The hell should I do? Tattoo hickeys on you!?” he groaned, moving up your neck. You caught his cheeks into your palms and kissed him back, smiling as he kept getting more and more aggravated. 

It didn't come as a surprise when the blender went berserk, splattering fruit pulp, almond milk and protein powder all over the pristine walls of the room - both of you have long forgotten about it. 

The way Bucky cleaned the mess was the epitome of not giving a shit, and you couldn't find it more endearing. He bitched and whined his way through the whole process, and tears formed at the corners of your eyes at the ridiculousness of the half assed job he just did. 

You eventually reached the gym - of course, against all your pouting and begging to put off this session. "Doll, you're the only avenger who can't fight. A punk on the street could snap your purse and there would be nothing you can do"

Wrong, he was not. You couldn't fight - but at the same time that didn't mean you were defenceless. It was your immense power that for months on end made your teammates consider you a liability. The energy that surged through your veins had been too great for you to handle, and in fact, it still was, but now, thanks to the joined efforts of Tony and Bruce, there was a way for that power to be contained. Their solution came in the form of two massive shackles wrapped around the length of your forearms. They were made of dimeritium and kept all kinds of energy from leaving your body. But, even so, that energy was in full form, buzzing inside every fiber of your being. And so, while wearing them you couldn't attack anyone, but there wasn't a way for them to harm you either. That field of energy protected you from every kind of damage and wounds you had ever encountered, ranging from fist fights to automatic rifles to guided grenades.

"I'm the only one that doesn't need to know" you huffed and puffed, annoyed but still determined to get this first training session done with.

But that never happened. Halfway through your warm up rounds, your teasing side awoke and it took you about ten minutes to go from batting your eyelashes and flaunting your ass, to nonchalantly cupping his cock into your hand.

No one could blame Bucky for not even trying to stop you. Bless him, he did everything he could, but he was never able to resist you. And probably never will be.

By the time you were done at the gym, both your bodies were coated in lecherous layers of sweat, no of them being from actually working out. It was only a matter of time until you managed to break his self control and he had you sprawled on all fours in the middle of the boxing ring, moaning your soul out as he pounded your pussy. 

The momentum made your whole frame rock back and forth, your hair falling around your face, "Holy fuck-" 

The room vibrated with the vulgar slaps he afflicted on your bare ass. You arched your back and cried his name out loud, "Come on, Bucky- I- harder please-"

"How are you already so needy?" he chuckled, caging your waist between his strong arms and pulling you up until your back reached his chest. "I ate this pussy this morning before we got out of bed"

"You know I love your tongue-" you giggled out of breath as you tried to look at him over your shoulder. "But it doesn't compare to your cock"

"What does?" Bucky rhetorically questioned before picking up his pace. He kept slamming his hips into yours, fucking you at full force as with each thrust, his cock rammed against your walls hard enough to make you see stars.

"I'm really fucking close, Buck" you whined, feeling your knees start to refuse to maintain your weight any longer. 

"Don't cum yet" he panted, "Wait for me"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck-" you cried out loud, liquid pleasure seeping out of you in the form of fresh tears streaming down your cheeks. "Please-" you whined, "I can't hold it anymore, I'm-"

"Not yet, baby" Bucky groaned, easily stopping you from wiggling around in his hold. His thrusts became sloppy and the orgasm got the best of him. He buried his face deep in your shoulder as his high forced guttural moans to rip from his throat. 

As he filled you up with his cum, as much as you wanted to comment about him making you wait and then not even bothering to tell you you could cum, you couldn't. Your eyes rolled back in pleasure and your chest heaved as the spiral of bliss seemed to go on and on, tons of ecstasy propagating in long painful waves across your body.

"Fuck-" Bucky panted as helped you up, "I could get used to days like this. We should retire"

"I'm not retiring-" you teasingly shook your head, "not until you find a way to give me a baby"

"I'd give you all the babies" he retorted, tugging your hand.

It caused you to lose your balance and stumble into his chest, "I love you"

"Love you" Bucky kissed the top of your head and spun you around. With his palms on your hips, he started guiding you towards the door, "Let's get you cleaned up"

And then, another wave of unproductivity followed. You showered, ordered pizza, whined about how there was still some smoothie left on the floor, and after you warned him about it, your face fell as Bucky stepped directly in the middle of the puddle of almond milk. He was fuming, the incident wiped any traces of happiness off his face. He mumbled something about that being the last pair of comfy socks he had left and something about Tony's devices being a constant pain in the ass. 

He went on and on until you ambushed him with kisses up his neck and shoved your hands under his shirt. In an instant his bickering turned into soft giggles as he innocently relaxed under your touch. You eventually cleaned up the mess and tried to make yourself busy. Nothing worked, you weren't in the mood for anything and at the same time, even though you did absolutely nothing all day, you felt a wave of tiredness envelop you.

At about 4pm, and you Bucky had already been lazily laying in bed, a mess of tangled limbs under the fluffy duvet. Your conversation started from the tactical gear he swore would look better on you than on him and then wondered how you didn't know how to sow.

"I'll hit you" you threatened.

"I'm sorry" he laughed, holding onto your forearm as it was resting on his chest, "But you know how much I love it when you get angry at my misogynistic jokes"

"It's rude" you scoffed - you didn't mean his jokes, but the fact that when he grew up, women were not anywhere near where they are today. 

"You know I don't mean it"

"I know you don't" you laughed, "Otherwise I'd have actually hit you"

"Don’t worry" Bucky said, "I'd hit myself if I was that stupid"

"Cute" you smiled, kissing his shoulder. Looking up at him, you promoted your chin against his chest, "Do you miss it? The 40s i mean"

He thought about it for a second. "Nah" there was a bit of nostalgia in his tone, but you believed him. "I've kinda made my peace with the fact that everyone from my old life is gone. I wouldn't want to go back now. I got you. I got all of you guys. I'm good now, really good"

"I'm glad" you beamed, feeling yourself warm up from the inside just thinking of the progress he made. After a few seconds, you spoke up again, "But what about the society? Like the day to day life? How do you like the 2010s?"

"I can't lie" Bucky laughed, "I liked Romania better. Much simpler."

"You lived in a dead beat apartment, hiding everyday" you scoffed, "How was that better?"

"I don't know… maybe it was the simple life. Apparently I'm all about that"

"You'd move back there?"

"If you came with me?" he questioned, looking down at you. There was genuine sincerity in his eyes and a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. "Wouldn’t even think twice"

"Maybe one day" you sighed with content. You snuggled back against his side, and closed your eyes. "We're not done avenging yet" you mumbled.

He didn't say anything to that. You didn't know whether he was getting lost in thoughts or if he was starting to drift off, but you would have been fine with either. When he spoke up again, you didn't expect the conversation to take this route.

"About Romania…" he sighed, "What made you come with Steve back in 2016?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean-" he muttered, rubbing his light stubble, "I know why Steve came-" Bucky chuckled, "And Sam's all up his ass, so there's that. But what about you?"

"I-"

"I'm aware of the rift I caused between you guys back then. So that's why I'm asking. What made you stand by Steve from the beginning?"

"I knew how much you meant to him. And I know how this is going to sound, but I felt sorry for you, Buck. I know what it's like to be alone, to have everyone turn against you. You deserved better"

"Love-?" he called softly, his voice nearly breaking. "What do you mean you know what it's like to have everyone turn against you?"

As you maintained the eye contact, you felt tears prickle, "I know it wasn't fair of me to keep my past a secret, but-"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to-" he said softly, his eyes warm. The pain was readable on his features, he hated how your whole demeanour changed.

"It's not that I don't want you to know, it's just that I hate talking about it. Gives me nightmares."

"Then we can just drop it" Bucky murmured, gathering you closer.

"I wish you could know without me telling you" you laughed, "You make everything better and easier. I should've told you, I know. It isn't fair to you. We've been together for almost two years but as far as you're concerned I didn't exist until I joined the avengers. I don't even know how much they know. We never talked about it"

"Love, listen to me. I'm here whenever you want to talk about it. You didn't do anything wrong. There are a lot of things about me that you don't know either. We're not those people anymore. No one can blame us for trying to escape out past"

"Yeah, you're right" you sighed.

Gathering your power, you pushed yourself up and settled beside him, with your legs crossed. You grabbed his hand pulling it into your lap, and intertwined your fingers with his as you spoke.

"Forget the official story, there's no truth to it anyway"

"I really didn't believe your mum was a criminal and that you were in a mental asylum" he joked.

"Good-" you smiled, his words lifting the atmosphere a bit. "Truth is, I don't know anything about my parents. But I have my assumptions. I grew up in that soviet facility so I never met them. I was told it was owned by a group of socialite scientists who wanted our help"

"Our? Who's we?"

"There were 7 of us"

"Did they have the same power as you?"

"Approximately. When we were younger, we used to comply and do everything we were told but as we grew up, things started to change. We weren't happy. Who could be? Considering we were being held in cells and studied like lab rats. We started to act differently and some might even say we tried to rebel, but that didn't work obviously, and that's when the restrictions began. For the last 3 years I spent there, there hadn't been a day where the temperature passed 0°C." 

Your skin crawled as you recaled the endless nights you spent shivering your way to sleep. Everything around you was ice cold. But it wasn't for the sole purpose of torturing you. It was your only weakness. As the temperature dropped, so did the movement of the atoms that made up your body - eliminating your powers to the point where you were barely alive. 

"One day, as spring came, we wanted to break out. We made a plan, and figured that as soon as we were out, we'd be fine. We were wrong. We were off about the weather and they got us before we even exited the perimeter. That's when the avengers heard about us."

By now, Bucky's eyes were wide with genuine curiosity, his mouth agape as he took in the information you provided. With every word you spoke his grip tightened around your fingers and his eyebrows gathered even further. There was discomfort and anger in his features, but he didn't interrupt you once.

"After that, the restrictions got tougher. We realised there was no way out. A lot of things came together in that small time frame. I realised what that place actually was days after we tried to escape. My friends - or that's what I thought they were, figured out another plan. Why fight when you can just eliminate the premise?"

Bucky moved his lips but no words came out. He cleaned his throat and sat up a bit, "What- what do you mean?"

"They tried to kill me" you said, plastering a sympathetic smile on your lips, hoping it would make it easier for him to hear.

"What the fuck. Why?"

"I think my dad used to be part of that team. And I think he made me the way I am. Now I don't know why he wasn't around anymore, but that team wasn't trying to get us to do anything. They were trying to make more of me. So if I was dead-"

"There would be no reason to keep the other kids…" Bucky finished the sentence for you.

You nodded.

"And what happened?"

You bowed your head trying to find a way to put your words together. Bucky didn't rush you, just reassuringly rubbed his thumb across your knuckles, waiting. When a tear from your cheek slipped and landed on the back of his hand, you looked up and took a deep breath. "I killed them. All of them."

He didn't say anything. Didn’t move a muscle, as he waited for you to continue. 

"I didn't even want to do that, Buck" you sobbed, breaking down. "I killed over 20 people because I was afraid. I didn't even move. I was in the corner of my room the whole time, but everyone who approached me was fried to death. I don't even know how I did that. I was just scared"

"Oh, baby" Bucky cooed, pushing himself up to wrap his arms around you. You fell against his chest, crumbling in his embrace. "I hope you know that was not your fault, ok?" he asked, rubbing your back. "You were just a kid, alone and afraid. It breaks my fucking heart, those bastards. Please don't feel sorry for them"

"I feel sorry for the other kids"

"They tried to kill you, Y/n" Bucky countered, "If you hadn't killed them, I would've gone after them. All of them"

"They were desperate..."

"So were you!"

"I can't help but feel like a monster sometimes, you know? Like I'm reckless and out of control. There are times when I'm all happy and excited about what tomorrow would bring, and then i remember what I did, and I have a hard time fighting away the thoughts that try to tell me I don't deserve that"

"What you deserve is the fucking world ok?" Bucky said, tilting your chin so you could see just how serious he was. "This past couple of years, you saved hundreds of lives and I know for a fact you did it out of the pure kindness of your heart, not because you wanted to make up for anything in the past. You're a fucking angel. You're the embodiment of good, you hear me? I know you. You'll never understand how much respect I have for you, and how in awe I am with the kind of person you are. Please, don't ever think less of yourself. Ever, ok?"

Tears rolled down your cheeks as his words proved to be much more than you were able to hear at that moment. "Thanks, Buck. That's sweet of you to say-"

"It's not sweet of me to say, it's the fucking truth" he scoffed, but he somehow managed to make it sound loving. "You didn't even fucking try, but just being around you made me feel like a person again. You're amazing, Y/n. We're all lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have you."

"You're gonna make me cry" you sniffled, curling yourself into a ball against his chest, "I know you were in a dark place when we met. I'm glad I managed to help you through it"

"You pulled me through it" he sighed, tightening his hold around you. "I went from wanting to die, to thinking that I didn't even deserve the easy way out. Look at me now."

"Buck, stop"

"I love you so fucking much" Bucky laughed. 

His whole frame shook as he pulled you back down, safely holding you between his arms, "You're amazing" he added, kissing the top of your head, "Perfect"

"I said, stop" you chuckled, slapping his side, "I get it, you like me, can we-"

"I adore you" Bucky cut you off after grabbing the sides of your face between his palms. "And thanks for trusting me. I know it wasn't easy for you to talk about your past, so thank you. I'm always here for you. If there's anything ever, I got you, ok? Forever"

"I got you too" you added, kissing his cheek and then moving along his jawline, "No matter what happens, you'll always have me on your side. I'm all yours, Bucky"

"Yeah, you are, doll. All mine"

After that talk, how you managed to fall into a deep sleep will always remain a mystery. Nightmares didn't make their way into your mind, and you settled for a dreamless slumber, actually fully content for the first time in a long while.

But not everybody processed grief the same way. And if Bucky mentioned earlier that he was lucky to have you, as you were pulled out of your sleep, you realised that he wasn't as lucky as you were when it came to the mysteries that creep up on you when you least expect them.

-

"Wake up sunshine"

The sound reached your ears, but it wasn't Bucky's voice, so you just groaned in response and rolled over to the other side, completely pressing your face into the pillow.

"Buttercup, it's time to wake up"

The voice seemed uneasy, as if the person speaking was actually terrified. You opened your eyes wearily, and were met with the usual, complete darkness of your room. 

"Come on, Y/n" they spoke again. You turned to see one of Tony's maintenance robots hovering above your body, one small screen lit up on its front. Blinking a few times to rid yourself of the sleep still lingering in your eyes, you managed to make out the faces of Tony and Steve, both staring at you.

"What's going on?" you mumbled.

"You've got incoming," Tony announced, and then shook his head at whatever someone next to him had said. The microphone wasn't performant enough for you to hear what the other person said, but it was not like you cared.

"Incoming what?" you questioned, still confused out of your mind.

He turned his attention back to you, "The asshole"

You frowned and Steve scoffed, "Y/n, it's Bucky. He's not well"

"Wh-" you mumbled, your head snapping to the side, only then realising his side of the bed was empty. You shuffled your arm around the sheets, still warm. "What- what happened?"

"He's gone rogue, Y/n" Steve announced, genuine worry and guilt audible in his voice, "You need to make sure he doesn't leave. You need to stop him"

Tony's workstation. You needed to get the shackles off your arms if you wanted to stand a chance, "Tony? How do I take these off?" you asked, pointing to your cuffs.

"Already taken care off" he nodded, "Get to my desk, it's unlocked. All you need to do is actually get there. If you can"

"If I can-?" you began asking, but a loud explosion sound cut you off, causing the bed to shake as a wind blew through your room. "What the fuck!?"

"He may have found the grenade launchers" Tony smiled bitterly.

"Y/n," Steve called for you, "Please, be careful. And call us. Me and Nat will take the jet but I don't know-"

"Don't worry" you shook your head, jumping off the bed and rushing to your closet. You chose the first clothes you saw laying before your eyes and put them on, ready to go look for Bucky. "I got this, I promise"

"Oh, and Y/n?" Tony said, making you turn to him at the last minute, "Try not to fry my tower"

You nodded and refrained from making any promises you didn't know you could keep. 

As soon as you walked out the door, the sound of automatic rifles going off became deafening. Stepping over piles of broken glass, you made your way to the emergency staircase, heading to Tony's lab. You did so with maximal caution, knowing that if you were spotted, there would be no going back.

Descending the last remaining flight of stairs until his work station, a rush of adrenaline surged through you, knowing just how close you were. Silently rounding the corner, your eyes landed on Bucky's frame, easily holding one of the remaining SHIELD agents up by the neck.

He turned to look at you, eyes cold and empty. Not even rage. There was nothing there. No expression, no empathy, no feeling. It was as if he was dead. This wasn't him. 

"Buck-" you panted, raising your hands up in the air, signaling surrender. You eyed Tony's desk, determined to stall him until you managed to free yourself of the cuffs.

You took a cautious step to the side, hands still up in the air. Bucky watched you as the man struggled against his hold, legs spasming uncontrollably as he kicked and squirmed, even though it was so clearly in vain.

"Don’t mind me-" you smiled, sweat flooding your pores as you slowly approached your destination. "I'll just-"

"You'll just what-?" Bucky groaned, flinging his victim with impeccable ease. The agent's body flew across the room, crushing into the only device that had the power to help you get through this. As the work station crumpled under his weight, so did your hopes of getting out of this. 

"Bucky, hey-" you mumbled, afraid of pissing him off, "I-"

"Who the hell is Bucky?" he frowned, starting to march towards you. Your blood ran cold, knowing you didn't have what it took to keep up with him. You were never able to dodge anyone's blows, let alone his. When he reached you, his hand instantly reached around your neck, lifting you off the floor, "SHIELD?" he asked after taking a look at your attire. Although not carrying the emblem, it was probably the only explanation that made sense to him.

"Well, um-" you huffed, holding onto his wrist in hopes of not running out air, "No, not SHIELD"

"Then who are you?" he growled, tightening his hold on your windpipe.

"Fuck-" you gasped, kicking your legs, even through he didn't even flinch when you hit him. "You're not gonna believe this but, um-"

"Try me"

You looked into his eyes, hoping it would serve as some kind of a memento, that maybe he'd remember you. "You know me, Buck. It's Y/n, I'm- your girlfriend?"

Even saying it made you feel weird. This killing machine, apparently hell bent on wrecking havoc, was not the man you loved, and you cringed just imagining his reaction to hearing your words.

And it did turn out to be worse than expected, as he spun around, doing a complete 180° with your body before slamming you down on the floor. The wood cracked under your bones, knocking the wind out of you. The pain of the impact was excruciating, propagating along your body in waves of some physical agony you had never felt before. The sound of your bones cracking made you sick to your stomach. Your ears caught the sound of your arteries being torn as your organs collapsed.

And if you felt every inch of your body being shattered and destroyed, it was God's way of making you pay for your parent's mistakes, as when your wounds healed mere seconds later, the pain did not go away. Your nerve receptors still registered damage to the tissues, and no matter whether you were actually as good as new, your brain couldn't process that.

What consumed you the most was the fact that as you struggled to stand up, the pain of broken limbs lingered on. But you fought through it, gathered yourself and stood up, facing him again.

You winced with every muscle contraction, but eventually your eyes met his. He showed curiosity, along with something else. Something else which you wished wasn't determination to finish you.

"Can we-" you whimpered, extending a hand, "Can we talk?"

"Talk!?" Bucky raged, grabbing your wrist and twisting your arm to the point where he spun you around, your back pressing against his chest. "Not here to talk" he growled into your ear.

The hairs on your body stood as you heard his voice. Even though it was technically the same voice you loved more than anything in the world, it made you now shiver with a fear you've never experienced before. 

You didn't get a chance to sink too deep in your thoughts before Bucky raised your arm, dislocating your shoulder and busting your humerus into pieces. The pain cut your legs at the knees and you screamed in agony, falling to the floor at his feet.

"Stand up" he commanded, slamming his foot into your side. The momentum made your body roll away, until you settled back on the ground, face deep in the rubble. Your muscles pulled you to your feet with ease, but the pain coursing through you was immense, nowhere near close to what you thought bearable. You felt the skin being ripped from your body and when you looked down, your clothes were torn, soaked in blood, but your skin was intact. It was what you needed to keep going - to get inside your head the fact that you were fine, because at this point, the pain was one bruise away from making you faint.

"Bucky, please-" you cried.

"Stop calling me Bucky!" he yelled, starting to approach you again.

With every step he took, you slowly backed away. "Please, listen to me, just a second, please!"

He shook his head no, a demented smile on his lips as he closed in on you.

"Bucky-"

As a reply to your question, his fist flew up, slamming into your jaw, hard enough to throw you to the ground, "Why do you keep calling me-"

"What else do you want me to call you, huh?" you yelled at him, vision blurred under too many layers of tears. "Tell me, and I'll do it if it'll get you to listen to me."

"I don't want you to call me anything-" he cocked his head to the side, unstrapping a handgun from his thigh. He loaded it as you barely managed to crawl away, "You can take the pain. I respect that. Let's see how well you do with these lead bullets"

You saw them in slow motion, barely managing to duck your head behind the remains of what once was a heavy wooden bookshelf. The bullets missed your chest and face, but you saw them, felt them penetrate your skin, ripping through your muscles. 

The sound of your tissues being pulled to shreds made you feel sick to your stomach. As the bullets left your body, your wounds closed back up, leaving you a crying mess on the floor. Your throat constricted due to the wave of shock that hit your body, and your lungs started hyperventilating. Lightheaded and gasping for air, you struggled to crawl away from him, tears marching down your face and ending up on the floor, nothing but diluting the droplets of blood that had fallen from your body mere minutes before. Your heart was in overdrive and your vision blurred as every fiber of your being threatened to let you down. "Please-" you screamed, your voice breaking as you raised your hand for him, "Let's talk, please. That's all I want. Give me a minute"

But he didn't. He didn't even consider it. Instead, the force that controlled the body of the only man that ever managed to make you feel safe, tortured, destroyed and consumed your body for what felt like the better part of an eternity.

You had been thrown through walls, shattered windows, had glass shards lodged into your body from all angles. He unloaded cannon after cannon on you, used up all the ammo he had on him, only growing more and more annoyed when you refused to give up.

There was no way to know how much time had passed. Now you were standing by the window, inches away from the spot where two nights ago, you and Bucky clicked your glasses, smiling at how far you both had come. He laughed, saying he wouldn't have made it without you. And then he kissed you, confessing that the thought that maybe you couldn't have made it without him either, was what kept him going. 

And then there you were. 48 hours later, again, just the two of you. But now there weren't any champagne glasses between you, just his metal arm, wrapped around your neck, this time, as he said, for the last time.

"I don't get it-" he scowled, teeth gritted and frustration in his voice, "Why don't you fight me?"

"I can't fight you" you whimpered as your tears poured down against his cold hand, "And even if I could, I wouldn't."

"WHY?" Bucky screamed, and for a second, you thought you saw a crack there, a glister of emotion hidden deep in his otherwise beautiful eyes.

"Because I love you" you cried.

But there was none. He rolled his eyes and pushed you back, your body slamming into the window. You should've thought faster, been more witty and considerate, but terror washed over you and in the heat of the moment, you grabbed onto him for dear life, pulling him down with you, plummeting to the ground from what looked like the 70th floor of the Stark Tower. 

If until now you had been afraid of what you'd have to endure, it was now that you met true terror. You'd survive the fall, but he wouldn't. 

Even in the air, approaching the ground at a dangerous speed, he kept fighting you. Even in this state, you admired his determination - he had a job and wanted to get it done - even if that job was killing you. A man of his word.

By now, the pain was unnoticeable. If you wanted to keep him alive you had to act fast. Clinging to his body despite his vicious protests and ruthless blows, you used your momentum to turn the two of you around. And you did so at the last second, as before you knew it, your bodies crashed into the boulevard below, sinking down into the asphalt as it crumpled under your weight. 

The impact cut your breath away and there was a gnawing feeling all over your body, as if you had blades under your skin, pulling your body apart fiber by fiber. But you snapped out of it.

"Bucky!" you yelled, slapping his cheek.

He had fallen completely on top of you, his head pressed against your chest. He didn't move and the continuous buzz in your ears made it physically impossible for you to tell whether he was breathing for not.

"Bucky, please-" you cried, trying to move him so you could see his face. 

Nothing.

"No, no, no!!" you screamed, "You can't die, baby, please! Not like this, love. Please come back to me, Buck, I'm begging you!!"

You remained there and wailed, with him glued to your chest. Your arms had wrapped around his motionless frame, keeping him as close as you could. Nothing could have gotten you to stop. Tens of people gathered around the crater your fall created around your bodies, police showed up, cameras were pointed at your faces, but you didn't care. If he died, so would you. 

"You're all I have, baby-" you muttered, voice hoarse and dry from all the wailing and crying, "Please, you can't leave me. This can't be the end of us. Please, I don't know what to do, Bucky, please!"

You were soaked. In blood, and you didn't even know whether it was his or yours. God, how you hoped it all belonged to you, how the pool of blood you laid in was all yours. Tears soaked your face, pouring down your temples as your whole frame shook with your sobs, that was the true agony. You'd rather spend the rest of your days fighting for your life if it meant he got to see the sun again. You wished he'd hate you, rather than not feel anything at all ever again.

"Please-" you said again but this time your voice didn't even reach your own ears, you didn't hold that power anymore, "Please, you need to come back! You deserve so much better than this. You're the best man I have even known, you can't die like this, not today, Bucky. Not today!"

By now, the people around you had scattered. They knew your identities and for all the wrong reasons, feared you both. You were grateful for that now, you were alone with him again, as the sun began to set and a chilly New York night began to settle. 

Still, you didn't move. You still had faith. Or you were just stubborn. There was no way you'd pull away until someone either pried him off of you against your will, or someone that you trusted showed up promising they'd help.

None of them came, and you remained there, cradling his frame to your chest begging whatever God was listening, to bring him back. You didn't know if one of them heard you, or if it was just blind luck or fate, but you only realised his metal arm was lodged under your body when he moved it.

"Buck!" you cried, cupping his cheeks in your bloodied palms as literal life cursed through your veins. "Oh god, you're ok, you're alive!! You came back to me!"

You managed to hug him close one more time, before he pushed himself off of you. In the process of standing up, his eyes met yours for the briefest second. Again, nothing.

He gathered himself to his feet, wordlessly bending down to grab your hair. He forced you up and you instantly obliged, following him back into the building.

Once inside, he knocked you through a glass door, your body once again absorbing his fury. The pain had dissipated into a dull ache, and this time, you stood up faster. "I can do this all day" you sighed, the lie slipping past your lips with such ease, as if the energy inside your core wasn't running dangerously low.

"What did you just say?" he questioned.

He seemed taken aback, "I said that I can do this all day"

"Who are you?" Bucky yelled, marching towards you, determined to get answers out of you through nothing else but brute force. He slammed you back onto the floor, only to straddle your thighs and pick you up by the collar of your shit. "Why won't you just fucking die!?"

Circling your fingers around his wrists, you searched for his eyes, "Wanna know what keeps me alive?"

"Are you stupid enough to tell me?"

"I might be" you shook your head, "but I'll still tell you"

"Why?"

"Because I know you won't kill me" you cried, "I know you know me. I know you're in there somewhere. The man I love. I know you don't have it in you to kill me"

"Try me" he laughed, drunk with the power you were so willing to give him.

"These-" you panted, raising your arms in the air to show him your cuffs, "These are what's been keeping me alive but I know you won't-"

But you never finished the sentence. He didn't even think twice before ripping them off your arms and throwing them onto the floor, along with all the other mess you two had made.

You never thought he'd actually spare you. So it wasn't a surprise when the first thing he did after freeing you, was reach for his knife with the sole purpose of driving it through your chest.

But you were faster. You framed his face into your palms, releasing the energy from your body and allowing it to flow through his. It felt weird, wrong and chaotic, and the power surge wiggled itself out of your control, until a blast between your bodies sent you both flying back across the room, falling down onto the floor.

And this time none of you stood up.

-

"I leave them alone for what, a day?" Tony sighed, walking out of his Iron Man suit. 

"Holy shit!" Steve cried out, his knees betraying him as he tried to rush to you.

"No, wait!" Nat stopped him, "You can't wake them up until we get them somewhere safe. We need to make new cuffs for Y/n, and find a way to keep Bucky contained in case, you know… he's still not Bucky"

Steve was fuming with anger, nostrils flaring, "These are my friends you're talking about!" he exclaimed, pointing to your bodies on the floor, "Your friends too, Nat. You see them like this and the first thing you think about is restraining them!?"

"We need to make sure we're all safe" she sighed with sympathy, grabbing his hand for a comforting rub.

"You make sure you're safe-" Steve scoffed, "I'll make sure they're alive"

"Hey-" Nat stopped him, "If you touch her and startle her in any way, you die!"

Her words hurt him but he knew you never would. Steve felt his heart shutter just imaging what you must have gone through. He was ablaze with pure determination to prove Nat wrong, and to do right by you and Buck. "I carried her in my arms while she was passed out when we rescued her from that facility-" he fummed, pointing at you, "She never knew a man that didn't try to hurt her before. And when she woke up, she was afraid. Scared for her life. She cried in my arms and begged me to not let them take her again! She was never anywhere close to hurting me! She's good. So good. There's only good inside of her, I trust her to not hurt me more than I trust myself, ok? If I'm wrong, so be it. I die. I don't care. She deserves someone to look after her. If I had to chose, saving her would be the way I'd want to go"

His rant left Nat speechless. She just gave him a simple nod and stepped back. 

Carefully, he picked you up and carried you upstairs, as Tony put his suit back on and carried Bucky.

-

Never in your life had you woken up this fast. Your eyes snapped open and you sprung to your feet. 3 pairs of anxious eyes watched you, all of them ready to jump into action in case the situation called for an intervention.

"What-" you gawked, scanning the room, "Where is Bucky? Is he- is-"

"He's fine, Y/n" Steve assured you. He stood up and slowly approached you, arms outstretched. Your first instinct was to go for it, but when you reached him, you placed both your hands in his, and looked up at him with teary eyes.

"Are you sure?" you whimpered, "Can I see him?"

Sympathy took over his features, but Tony jumped in, "Absolutely not"

"What-" you turned to him, "Why? Did I-?"

"You didn't do anything wrong" Steve hummed, engulfing you in a hug even though you remained stiff in your spot. He rubbed your back, eager to soothe your worried mind, but you were too out of it.

“Can I just go?” you whispered, pulling back just enough so that he could see how serious you were, “I need to see him, please”

“Are you mad at him?” Nat asked with caution and your face fell.

“No!” you gasped, stepping away from Steve’s embrace, “No, not even one bit. I know that was not him, I know it’s not his fault. But when Bucky wakes up-”

“If he wakes up-” Tony sneered, roaming around the room. He nursed a glass of whiskey, as a mixture of disgust and exhaustion was readable on his features. 

“When he wakes up!” you spoke through gritted teeth. Determination coated your words and the hairs on your body stood as you refused to even think of the alternative. “He will wake up. And I have to be there”

“What if the Winter Soldier wakes up?” Nat asked.

“That didn’t stop me last time”

“Oh, no!” Tony butted in, stepping in between you and Nat, arms outstretched, “You know I’m not one to cry after money, but you and your pal left me with $37 million worth of damage. You two are one broken cup away from getting thrown into the streets”

The sum he mentioned made the skin on your back crawl. You didn’t even have $37 dollars to your name, but it made sense. Your body alone crashed through three TV’s, one gamma ray projector and if you thought about it, you remembered Bucky pulling apart one of the Iron Legion robots, and only the thought made you flinch. 

“So-” Tony said, “You two? Never in the same room again!”

“Take these off then” you suggested, pointing at the cuff on your wrists.

“Ha” Tony exclaimed, “A big chunk of that money comes from you frying all my electronics up until the 12th floor. Absolutely not”

“Tony, I’m serious” you whined, “He will hate himself. I need to be there! I need to make sure he doesn’t take all the blame on his shoulders”

He frowned, and sighed. He wasn’t an unreasonable man, and you hoped that core deep inside his chest really made up for a heart. And… it did. None of them were happy about it, but they finally accepted. Nat and Tony would have never probably given up if it wasn’t for Steve - right now, like so many times before, he really did seem like your guardian angel.

They ended up monitoring the room, and Tony waited for your signal, one hand on his cigarette, the other on the Iron Man suit. He was all talk - if anything was to go down and you would actually be in danger again, he wouldn’t even think twice before tearing his towers into pieces if it meant he could get you out alive.

And so you left, thanked them in the form of a simple nod, and headed down the dark hallways.

Oh, how you hated this.

What consumed you now had nothing to do with the pain you had endured in the past 24 hours. Its source was not physical, yet your whole body ached. You felt the weight of the world on your shoulders - and in some way, it was - Bucky was your whole world, and the fear of losing him breathed down your neck.

It had been about 20 minutes since you stopped in front of the door that led to the room he'd been confined in. When FRIDAY announced that Bucky woke up, you rushed over, only for a hazardous sense of anguish to stop you dead in your tracks. Judging by the way he sat in the corner of the room, his fingers aimlessly tracing every indentation in the handcuffs Tony had restrained him with, you had no problem telling which one of him woke up. He broke your heart. His room was equipped with 5 different cameras and 2 microphones. Completely unaware of them, he sat inches away from one, and your heart shattered, sinking 3 stories below when you heard him whimper.

It was soft and quiet. His whole frame shook as he wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve. He was hunched down, brown hair covering his perfect face, but still, his sadness brought you to tears. 

You heard him again. He sniffled as he laid back against the wall. His eyes were bloodshot, lips almost white and dry as his chest raced up and down. His muscles clenched and his feet bounced against the metal floor, it was a sight you never wished you see ever again. 

Softly, you raised a hand, and thought twice before finally knocking.

"Go away," Bucky called, voice all hoarse and dry as it broke halfway through.

You were able to see him on the small screen next to the door, but he had no idea who came to visit.

Out of instinct, you knocked again before typing in the password and ever so slowly walking inside.

Instantly, he looked up. He was surrounded by an air of darkness and despair, ever so obviously tormented to the peak of his capability.

He stared at you for a few seconds as his eyes watered, and then he gathered his lips into a straight line, shaking his head. "Please, go"

"Bucky, I-"

"Please" he cried, head falling forward as he toyed with the metal edges of his prosthetic arm. He shook his head, "Please, don't do this. Just, go"

You took a deep breath, only then entering the room far enough to actually be able to close the door behind you. Slowly turning back to him, your palms sweated as you had no idea what to say to him. 

"Can you talk to me, Buck? Please?"

He chuckled, "About what?" 

"About whatever it is you think you did wrong, I-"

As he heard your words, his hands instantly flew up to cover his face. He was, however, stopped, as the cuffs on his left wrist kept him from moving too much. While a new row of tears flooded his cheeks, his eyes met yours, "Look at me.. I need to be restrained while you're alone with me"

"Those cuffs would literally do nothing to stop you from escaping, and you know it"

"Maybe it's just a sense of reassurance"

"To who?" you scoffed.

"To them" Bucky responded, nodding his head towards one of the cameras. "I'm a monster" he added, wiggling his cuff restrained hand, "I'm a danger to everyone"

"Oh for fucks sake" you rolled your eyes, marching up to him. With absolutely no remorse, you grabbed his hand and harshly pulled apart the metal that had him restrained to the bed. Before he got a chance to say anything, you bent down, unclipped the microphone from the foot of the bed, threw it on the floor, and stepped on it, until it was nothing but a small pile of shattered plastic.

And you kept going, destroying the second microphone along with the 5 cameras on the walls as Bucky watched you with surprise. You finished by going for the door and locking it from the inside. "You think I'm afraid of you?" you asked softly, "For 6 hours you did your best to kill me and failed miserably. Look at me, I'm unscathed"

"Did you hear yourself?" he cringed, shaking his head, "I tried to kill you"

"Ok, I know I said that you did your best-" you said, mentally scolding yourself for the error in communication. "We both know that wasn't you. That wasn't you, Buck. It was Hydra. It was the winter soldier, not you. My Bucky would never-"

"Y/n-" he stopped you, "I know you don't see things the way I do-"

"But I see them the right way"

"Listen-" Bucky sighed, driving his hands through his hair. For the first time that night you actually saw his full face, his cheek and signature scowl, his blue eyes and the tilt of the corner of his mouth - your soul melted when you associated the picture with the words that came out of his mouth. "I can't blame you for being here. I can't. If the roles were reversed, I'd be doing the exact same thing. But, holy fuck-" he sighed, pausing to gather his thoughts. Bucky looked you up and down. His lips quivered and his head fell to the side as a sad smile appeared on his lips. "Remember this morning? How we talked about our hypothetical child?" he laughed and shook his head, "Even if I know we could never have a kid because we're both sterile, it was still the most beautiful thought that ever crossed my mind, Y/n''

"Mine too, Buck-"

"And what did I do?" he dismissed your empathy, "Two hours later I was unloading an AK-47 into your stomach, like the brainwashed maniac that I am!"

"Don’t say that!" you exclaimed, "Don't you dare think about things like this!"

"Why wouldn't I?" he threw his hands up in the air, "What does it matter whose fault it is? I get to live with the consequences."

"But-" you breathed out, "We can work through this. You did it before. You can't let something that hydra did dictate your life, Bucky. You deserve so much better. You deserve to be happy!"

"I tried to kill you!" he screamed, for the first time losing his calm and standing up to be at the same level as you.

"That was not you!"

"So what?" he huffed, "I was there, Y/n! I will never, NEVER get the feeling of crushing your bones out of my head! I felt your neck snap! I choked you with my arms! That is not something I can live with! I can't live a life by your side if every time I look at you I'm reminded of those horrible things I did to you!"

"Buck-" you cried, looking at him from behind too many layers of unshed tears, "Please, don't say that"

"I'm sorry" he responded in the same fashion, his pain coating every word he said. "When I close my eyes I see you laying in a puddle of blood. I can't stop hearing your screams of agony. Agony that no matter how you put it, was caused by my hands. That's not something we can live with, Y/n. You were not made for this. You really do fucking deserve someone that won't wake up one day and try to murder you in cold blood"

"And what do you deserve, Buck?" you quietly asked, searching for his eyes, "To live your life alone? Forever? If you had been with anyone else, this would have turned out so much worse. That cute barista three blocks down that always scribbles a heart on your coffee cup? She's cute, yeah. You deserve to be loved by someone, but if that someone was her, you wouldn't be drowning in guilt right now, Bucky, you'd be mourning her. Yes, you got troubles. Yes, you've got a past more fucked up than anyone else I have ever heard about. That's the kind of shit you can't change. But whatever you do from now on, is in your fucking hands and yours alone. Don't try to tell me you're not worthy of having someone, because that's the fattest load of crap I've ever heard. You're a good man! With a fucked up past! And a dark side that you need to fight! And you have me! I don't care you dropped Tony's piano on my legs, apparently I can take it! I'm here for you no matter what! You don't want to be with me anymore? Fine. But don't you dare push me away, thinking that a ruined future makes up for a ruined past"

"Who's to say I won't try it again?" he asked, "I don't know what triggered the transition. But what if once a week I end up trying to kill you-"

"Apparently you can't!" you laughed bitterly.

"Ok, so I can't" he nodded in approval, "Is that what you want? I should be your rock, your best friend, I should always be there for you. Do you want to have your whole world turned upside down whenever my brain decides to go berserk?"

"See, Buck" you sighed, "Of course I don't want that. I can't fucking stand here and tell you that I do. What kind of credibility would I have then? But you know what I want? You. You and whatever nazi shit that comes along. I want you. To help you. To have you with me. To see you everyday. If every Saturday at 10am you decide you want to kill me, you best believe I'm sacrificing my morning coffee just so we can kung fu around the living room"

He looked at you for a long second, the corners of his lips fighting a hard battle against the hint of a smile that started to show on his features. Eventually he caved and chuckled, shaking his head, "That was a bit funny"

"And fucking true," you cried, going for his hands and bringing them up to your chest. He winced, but you spoke up again, determined to not let his mind torture him.

"I love you, Bucky"

"How do you not hate me?" he choked, shaking his head in disbelief. "Can you seriously look at me and not get even the slightest instinct to run away?"

"Bucky..." you breathed out, cupping his cheek. "How could I run away when I've never seen you in more pain than right now?"

"You're an angel, you know that?" 

"I've been called a lot of things" you giggled, "Angel isn't one of them, but if that's what you want, I'll take it"

"Come here" he whispered, wrapping his arms around your frame. He had you nuzzle against his chest, his hold keeping you tight and secure. His heart beat against your cheek and your eyes watered again. There wasn't one thing in the world you wouldn't do for that heart - to make sure it keeps beating, and that it keeps the man you love alive. And content, above all. All you wanted right now was for him to accept the things that happened. You wanted to take whatever weight he was carrying on his shoulders, and put it upon yourself. "I love you so much, Bucky" you cried against his chest as your hold tightened around him, "I hate to see you torn like this. I don't want anything to ever happen to you. It terrifies me. I love you with all that I am. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. You deserve the world, baby"

"So do you" he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

You felt his chest shake, a deep rumble echoed from the depths of his lungs. You looked up to see him fight back a sob, his eyes wide open, glossy and red, trained down on you, "I love you too much to do this, Y/n. I'm sorry, I don't think I can"

"No!" you gasped, pressing your face back against his shoulder, "Don't do that. You can't do that. No"

"We won't work, Y/n" Bucky said as he brought you even closer, "I can't look at you anymore. I can't look at you without dying inside. You don't want to live with me like that"

"Yes, I do!" you sobbed. "I'll work with anything you give me, I swear there is nothing more I want. Just you. Just you and me. Bucky, please don't do this"

He held you close for what felt like half a second, but rationally speaking, your legs were getting numb. You just stood there, clinging to his body, taking in his scent and listening to his breathing even out until he pushed you away. Oh, how you didn't want to let go. Ever. But you did, and choked back a sob as soon as you felt the cold air of the room brush against the part of your body that had been pressed to his.

"We should get some sleep, Y/n"

"Are you coming with me?" you whimpered, afraid of the answer he might give you.

Bucky shook his head, "I think I'll just sleep here tonight"

That broke you. The shock and terror cut your breath away. It felt impossible - the feeling of losing him. The amount of pain that surged through you. At that particular moment, you felt like cracking your chest open to grip your heart into your hand and pick apart the broken parts. But not even that felt good enough, you were fairly sure you'd be left with nothing. It felt like a slap across your cheek, like a cloth had been placed over your mouth and your legs cut at the knees. It felt like the end. 

Optimistic by nature, not even you could deny the reason he wanted to sleep alone. It was clear as day.

"If-" you mumbled, tears coating your face at their own free will, voice shaking as you barely managed to articulate the words over the violent sobs that ripped their way out of your throat. "If I promise to not do anything to try and convince you to stay… can you promise me that in case you decide to leave, you'll come and tell me first?"

"Oh, doll" Bucky broke down all over again, throwing himself at you again. He collapsed on top of you, molding his body around yours. "I promise, angel"

You just nodded. That was all you could do. It took another few moments for you to gather yourself and stop wailing, but you did, and then, with nothing else other than a sad smile, you left. 

Your feet carried you to your room, and you were ready to collapse on top of your bed. Eager to cuddle into his pillows. They smelled like that shower gel you got him and you hated it. You wanted his scent. Not even caring how ridiculous it sounded, you padded over to the chair in the corner of your bedroom, the one Bucky uses to discard all his worn clothes. 

You wanted to find a shirt he wore, one that smelled exactly like you knew him, but before you reached the clothes pile, your attention was drawn to the window.

Steve was standing there, facing the busy streets outside, hands in his pocket and his head turned in your direction.

"I didn't see you, sorry" you gasped, as your eyes accommodated to the darkness.

"It's fine" he shook his head, "I just figured you'd turn on the lights, you know, like the normal people. Didn't think I'd scare you"

"Yeah, sorry" you sighed, plopping down on the edge of the bed. "I did even think about turning the lights on"

He didn't say anything, but you saw him nod. He knew your pain. He lost enough in his life, and seeing his best friend sink back into his darkness was surely not easy for him either.

"Is he ok?" Steve eventually asked.

You shook your head, "He's too good of a man to be ok"

"That is Bucky" he laughed, and you couldn't help but do the same. The irony.

Steve's curiosity was palpable in the room. Words could not describe the appreciation you had for him for respecting your boundaries and not pushing you in a moment like this. But he deserved to know.

You opened your mouth to explain to him what happened, but as your mind processed everything all over again, you broke down. "I think he's gonna leave-" you cried.

Steve was quick to gather you in his arms, engulfing you in a bear hug, helping you stand on your own two feet. "What do you mean?" he asked, concern tracing his tone.

"I understand him, I do. And I promised I won't try to get him to stay if he doesn't want to. But- but I should've done more, Steve. I should've shown him somehow how much I love him. But I'm afraid he'll leave, and I don't want to live-"

"Hey, hey, hey" Steve hurried to stop you, petting your head softly before urging you to look up at him. "Bucky loves you more than I ever thought possible, ok? There's no question about it. I'm sorry I'm doing this, but I think he'll postpone it anyway"

"What?"

"The man wants to marry you, ok?" Steve smiled, "He asked Tony if he had any work for him so he could raise money. Can you imagine how that went down? He was red like a tomato, but he didn't think twice. James Barnes used the computer to look for rings for you. The Bucky I know? Never would've done this. You brought to life a part of him that no one else has seen before. He loves you. With all that he is. And trust me when I tell you, he won't stand to be away from you. You're his whole world, Y/n. He's my best friend, trust me when I tell you this is something you'll work through. I'll help, we'll all help. You're not gonna lose him, Y/n. He's so beat up about all of this because he loves you this much. He's all yours. If he decides to leave, I need you to be strong because he will be back. I got him back 70 years later. You just need to trust him. Trust his heart, ok?"

"Oh my god" you cried, "I don't know what to say"

"Don’t say anything" he chuckled, "We've been through so much together. All of us. Even if we try, nothing pulls us apart, ok? How many times has Loki died, hm?"

"God, Steve!" you scoffed somewhat amused and pulled back just to hit him, "Did you seriously compare Bucky to Loki!?"

"It got you to smile, didn't it?" he laughed. "But I'm serious. You've both been through so much worse than this. You'll get through this one too. And in case you ever feel like you won't, I'm here, ok?"

"Ok…"

Funny as it all was, it worked. He calmed you down - to some extent. Gave you hope you didn't know existed. If it wasn't for Steve, you probably would have not been able to fall asleep. And even though dreams didn't visit you, and you never relaxed enough to actually get some rest, you just dozed off. All clothed and curled diagonally on the bed, you cuddled Bucky's pillow to your chest as your eyes slowly fell closed.

When you opened them again, it was still dark out. You had no idea what pulled you awake as you struggled to sit up on the bed, but then you heard Bucky's voice again, from the doorway.

"Y/n?"

“Buck?” you gasped, turning around. Only his silhouette was visible, head hung low and hands deep in his pockets. He was leaning against the doorway, silently awaiting your response.

Right then and there, you felt your world collapse. Steve’s monologue made you actually fucking believe things would be fine, but here he was, keeping his promise. In the buttcrack of night, he kept his word, bidding you a much feared farewell.

“Is-” you sobbed, jumping out of bed and rushing towards him. You almost knocked him off of his feet when you flung yourself at him, but he was quick to reciprocate, caging you between his arms. “Is this it? You’re leaving?”

He didn’t say anything which frankly made everything worse. You broke down even further, clinging to his shirt as if it was the only source of oxygen keeping you alive - it sure felt like it.

“Look at me” Bucky urged you, tilting your chin up, “Please?”

You slowly lifted your head, your eyes meeting his.

“I’m sorry, I will make it up to you” he whispered, a frown settling above his tired eyes, “You’ll see”

“What does that even mean?" you questioned, tired and sick of this ongoing conflict that should not even have been an issue to begin with. "You don't have to make up for anything"

"I know you see things like that" he cooed, rubbing his thumb along your cheekbone. He spoke softly, his breath fanning against your skin, somehow, even in this situation, managing to calm you down. "But you can understand me too, right?"

"I don't want to" you shrugged, "I don't care. Why does it matter if I understand you or not if you're gonna leave anyway?"

"I'm not leaving, doll"

"What!?" you beamed, pulling away from his hold and grabbing his face in your palms, "You're not- but you're-"

His whole frame softened, "I'm not here to say goodbye, Y/n. I'm not going anywhere"

"Oh god" you gasped.

"Come on, come here" Bucky chuckled softly, bringing you back into his hold, "I'm staying here. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. You're the most badass woman I know and I managed to break you"

"I love you, Buck" 

"I love you more, Y/n" he sighed, "I'll make everything right, I promise"

"Oh, fuck" you breathed out relieved, "Just do whatever you want, I don't care. You're here. That's all that matters."

"And we also need to teach you to fight-" he added, "For real. And find a way for you to take those goddamn shackles off in case this happens again"

"Tony won't be too happy about it" you laughed.

"Fuck if I care-" Bucky said strenly, pointing at you, "Next time, you need to be able to stop me. And fast"

"Maybe it won't happen again"

"Maybe not" Bucky nodded, "But if it does, we need to be ready"

"Thank you" you said, "I know I didn't play this right. I know I literally dismissed everything that you must have gone through today. I'm sorry"

"You don't get to be sorry" Bucky stopped you, "Not after-"

"Then you don't get to, either!"

"Meh" he shrugged, "We'll see"

"Bucky!"

"I love you" he laughed, bending down to pick you up. He planted his hands on the back of your thighs, picking you up with ease and walking you over to the bed. You plopped back against the fluffy mattress with a huff, and giggled as he crawled his way on top of you. Instantly, his lips met yours. It was exhilarating, the kind that made your chest ache. You moaned against his lips as love transpired through his touch. It was overwhelming and the first happy tears of the day streamed down your temples as you arched yourself against him.

"I'm so weak for you, fuck" Bucky groaned, his right arm reaching around your back and pressing you against his chest. "You're everything" he added as he kissed his way along your neck, "I'm all yours forever, Y/n. I love you too much"

"I'm here, baby" you moaned, hiding your face into his shoulder, "You're mine, Bucky. All mine."

His lips didn't leave your body as he pushed himself up just enough to be able to reach the buckle of his jeans. The sound made your core ache, and your mouth watered.

There was no patience in his movements. He barely pulled his jeans down to his knees before ridding you of your pajama pants. He lodged himself between your thighs, his mouth instantly back on yours again.

"Come on" you panted, steading your arms against his strong back. Your legs found their way around his frame, ready to pull him closer.

When Bucky guided his hands between your bodies to align the tip of his cock with your opening, you whimpered in anticipation. Agonisingly slow, he trailed his tip along your folds before reaching your clit. With a blissful moan, he reached further up, tapping his cock against your bare cunt a couple of times before returning his attention back to you. 

"I got you, baby" he hummed, pecking your lips. "You ready? Is this ok?"

With eagerness, you nodded and wiggled under his weight, your pussy aching for him. "Yes, yes"

When you felt his cock push past your folds, you moaned out loud, your voice cracking with the pure pleasure that took over your being.

He eased himself in, going all the way until he all but knocked the breath out of you, and he stopped. Bucky reached down to kiss you again, his cock motionless, balls deep inside of you.

He bit down on your lip and you giggled.

"Felt your pussy clench around me, doll" he laughed, "You're good to me"

"You may be all mine, Buck, but I'm all yours too"

"Holy shit" he panted, shaking his head in disbelief. It was as if you weren't real. He'd have pinched himself, but if this was a dream, he really did not want to wake up. So he kept going.

Nibbling at the skin of your neck, he started to pull himself out of you. The slow pace was driving you insane. Your need grew so strong you felt everything. His breath, the way his hair tickled your chin, his strong around around your shoulders, his massive thighs rubbing against yours, every small vein along his cock that drove you closer and closer to the sweetest bliss you had ever known. 

He got you all worked up at an agonisingly slow pace, before his thrusts became more and more aggravated. You moaned with each thrust despite your struggles to keep quiet.

"You know how much I love hearing you, doll" Bucky shook his head as he drove himself back inside of you all the way, "Moan for me"

"Fuck, ok" you gasped, and closed your eyes as you started to fall apart. You gripped the bed sheets into your hands and pulled as he kept fucking you, deep and hard.

"You're so good, baby" he groaned, "So, so good for me"

He sunk his teeth into your shoulder, fervently sucking deep, maroon marks all ice your skin. Gutural grounds betrayed his air of self control as a plethora of curse words escaped his lips. "Taking me so fucking well. I can't keep going like this, you're too fucking tight-"

"Cum, baby" you encouraged, voice low and tender as you spoke against his ear, "Cum for me"

"Don’t have to tell me twice" he chuckled.

His thrusts started to become sloppy and irregular, as his eyes flew closed. You missed the blue of his eyes, but his mouth was slightly agape as he panted his way to an orgasm.

His chest heaved against yours, "How do you feel so fucking good?" Bucky cursed, eyes still closed as he barely managed to mumble his words between the numerous grunts of pleasure that forced their way out of his throat.

You gave him no answer, instead just clung to him tighter, "Fuck, Bucky, I'm close-"

"Come on" he encouraged, hurrying to rub your clit. His fingers found your bud in an instant, working experienced, familiar circles that almost drove you over the edge. "Cum with me, ok?"

You nodded, gathering your lips between your teeth. He kept fucking you, harder and faster until he had turn limp under his weight. You came as his name rolled off your lips, and he followed seconds after, pumping his juices deep inside your pussy. 

You felt his absolute pleasure as he breathed heavily against your shoulder. He kept going until you were both spent, and then fell down beside you. 

"Bucky-" you whined, turning over and curling into his side, the lack of contact making you more needy than ever.

"Yes, darling?" he panted, tapping your chin.

"Nothing. I just love you"

"Love you too, doll" he huffed, spinning you around so you laid on your back.

He effortlessly helped you out of your shirt and plopped down on top of you, his head resting on your bare chest. His warm, right hand cupped your breast as he closed his eyes. He wrapped himself around you, "Hold me" he muttered, "please"

"Always, Bucky" you said, engulfing him in the tightest hold you could muster. Only then did you feel him calm down completely, and there was nothing in the world you could ever ask for.

-

If you liked it, please reblog and tell me what you thought? :)

[bestiesenpai]

Acrimony - Choso

Choso is growing on me, and his sudden love for Itadori makes me chuckle. Femme reader

TW: noncon, (face) slapping, choking, blood, choso is an incel

Choso fucking hated you with a passion not unseen by his peers. There was no logical reason for him to hate you as much as he did. He never spoke ill of you, nor made any attempts at causing you harm, but he was coldest to you and often ignored you if you spoke to him, sometimes leaving the room entirely if it was just the two of you in there.

Yes, Choso fucking hated you. You were a strong curse, special grade just like he and the others. You weren’t overly boisterous like Mahito, a nice temperate personality to offset the loud man. You were kind to everyone, even Choso despite the callous way he treated you, and even if he said no you’d leave a few snacks or candies for him so he wouldn’t be left out.

The answer to why he hated you was clear, even though he refused to acknowledge it and shove it deep down inside him and never touch it. It was always screaming right in front of him, no matter what he did, no matter where he was. If you were there, the reason bubbled up like sick bile in his stomach.

He liked you. He liked you and he fucking hated it. It angered him how you made him feel nervous with just a simple glance, how his cheeks would heat up if you sat next to him. He often fumed over the way you were so casual with him, like you had no idea in the world what you did to him.

It made him absolutely sick, it was so vile how innocent you pretended to be. Did you think he was a fool for you to string along like the others? You may have convinced everyone else you were a sweet little thing, but Choso knew better. You were a temptress, a sly fox just waiting for your moment to strike.

Choso wasn’t a fucking idiot. He knew the reasons he liked you were far from pure, but in some twisted way, he knew it wasn’t his fault he felt these things. It was yours. It was all your fucking fault.

Finding you alone one day in the temple Geto controlled, he nearly sneered at your back. The two of you were all alone, no one in the group else was there, and you casually walked around in a sports bra, unknowingly causing Choso great distress with the skin shown.

“Oh! Hi Choso.” You’d just been cleaning up a room the others had occupied before they left on whatever mission they’d set out on. There was a small trash bag in your hand, wrappers from candy you’d given Mahito stuffed inside. “I thought you’d left with the others.”

He’d planned on it, but upon realizing you’d be all alone, he stayed back. No one said anything about it, his absence going unnoticed. Choso grunted in response, his lips pulling into an actual sneer with you now facing him.

Not only was his chest getting tight, his pants were as well. That was another thing he hated about you; you made him aroused beyond all reason. Just seeing the way your top dipped down sometimes, or seeing you being squeezed in a hug by Mahito was enough to get him riled up and hot under the collar.

Choso couldn’t do it anymore. He had to deal with this the only way he knew how. While he was a total virgin, a ‘hopeless lost cause’ in the eyes of Geto and Mahito, he still knew what certain things were. He’d watched porn, a lot of it edging on too dark for mainstream sites, and he knew exactly what to do to rectify the situation.

“Hey, what’re you doing?!” It had taken him only a few seconds to get in front of you and grab you by the shoulder, knocking you out at the knees and forcing you to the ground. You struggled against him but it was futile. Choso was a man on a mission.

“Shut up.” He gave your cheek a quick slap, making you gasp and push against him. Grabbing you roughly by the collar, Choso forced your head to look up at him.

“Let me go!” Your fingers clawed at him, but you might as well have been a struggling kitten and not a fully realized curse.

“Shut up!” He said more forcefully, slapping your other cheek. You began to cry then, tears misting your lashes as he stared down at you. Your hands gripped his tightly, still trying to tug yourself free. “You just don’t fucking listen, do you?”

“What do you want?” Your voice began to shake, lower lip trembling the longer you were in this position.

“I want you to stop the fucking lies.” Choso glared angrily at you, getting more aroused by the second at having you on the ground like this. You were so helpless, eyes wide and scared with tears dripping down your cheeks.

“What lies?”

“I’m not a fucking idiot, (Y/N).” He shook you with every word that left his mouth. His sanity was going to leave him at any minute now from your dumb little act. Letting out a choked whine, you tried again to stand and leave.

Choso quickly wrestled you fully to the ground, getting you on your stomach with his knee on your back. Your legs kicked him, hands attempting to claw out from under him. Choso soon discovered he liked you in this position too.

“Stop!” A shriek left your lips as he pulled down your bottoms, leaving you in just that stupid little sportsbra and panties. Flipping you onto your back, Choso rolled his eyes at your distraught face.

“Pitiful.” Caging in your body between his knees, he roughly squeezed your breasts together, feeling them mold under his fingers and keenly watching how your nipples pebbled underneath the fabric.

“I-I said stop!” Worming a hand out from your side, you slapped Choso hard across the face. It certainly hurt, and it was enough force to turn his head fully to the side. Huffing out a breath, he turned to you.

“Touch me again and I’ll kill you, you little bitch.” His hands flew to your throat, tightening around it so hard for a moment you thought your head would pop off. Your eyes rolled back into your skull the longer you went without air, the hands that had been clawing at Choso to let you go were starting to fall limp.

He let you go soon after. It would be too much of a hassle to explain why he killed you in the first place, so he let you live. Returning his attention to your breasts, Choso yanked down your sports bra until they were free.

Choking and gasping for air, you were too weak to stop him from playing with your nipples roughly. Choso’s hands were rough and unpolished, the dryness of his skin scratching you painfully. He gave your breasts a slap from one side to the other, enjoying the way they moved under his palm.

“You make me sick.” He grunted, a hand going to the front of his pants and rubbing his budding erection, relieving some of the tension. “I hate you.”

But the hate Choso had for you now was different, it was morphing into something else the longer he saw you naked. Was it hatred that made him tear your panties off and force your legs open? Was he truly unable to stand you when he spread your lips with his fingers and felt the urge to stick his tongue inside you?

Maybe it wasn’t hatred, but Choso didn’t want to give it another name.

“Pitiful bitch.” He said when he looked up at your face again and saw you crying and furiously wiping your eyes. The fight in you had been diminished and now all that was left was a sniveling little thing beneath him.

“No, don’t.” You struggled to raise your voice above a whisper as you watched him yank down his pants just enough to free his cock. It was hard, angrily so, leaking a stupid amount of precum already.

Putting a hand on your throat, Choso used the other to guide himself into you. The fit was tight and uncomfortable for both of you, but he made it work. You weren’t dripping wet like the girls in the porns usually were and for a moment it confused him.

Shouldn’t you like this, at least a little bit?

Shaking his head to throw that thought away, he used his elbows to keep your legs spread as he bottomed out. You were crying louder now, a gross and ugly sob filling the room and leaking out into the hallway. Squeezing your neck didn’t do anything to stop the sound, in fact making it worse and causing you to scream.

“I should just kill you, shouldn’t I?” Choso glared down his nose at you, and a small delight went through him at seeing your teary eyes widen in fear. You shook your head as best you could with his hand on your throat, and it made him chuckle. “No? Why not?”

“I- pl-please-” Your babbles were the only thing you could think to say, and even then it couldn’t truly be counted as thinking. The pathetic attempt at keeping yourself alive was just that, a pathetic waste of time.

“Whatever.” Loosening his hand, Choso returned his attention to his cock, currently nestled deep inside you. There was a stain of red surrounding it, a perfect circle of blood. Swiping his thumb along it, he brought it up to his lips and sucked.

The metallic tang of your blood on his tongue excited him and Choso found himself going for another taste. Mixed with the taste of your cunt, it was something he could get addicted to if he wasn’t careful.

Pulling out slowly, there was even more blood coating his cock. It glistened in the light of the room, making Chosos heart pick up speed. Slapping his hips against yours had him letting out a low grunt, pleasure shooting up and down his spine.

“Stop, please.” You whimpered, turning your head to the side to avoid looking at him. Your face was an absolute mess of tears, snot and sweat, and that was something that looked familiar to the porns he watched.

Creating a steady rhythm with his hips, Choso hung his head and watched his cock disappear inside you. He wasn’t a hopeless, loser virgin anymore. With this first taste of sex, regardless of the circumstances surrounding how he got here, he rightfully claim himself an expert.

Putting an experimental roll in his hips nearly made him cum on the spot. He did it a few more times, slower and with more control to keep the almost painful pleasure at bay. The tip of his cock was bumping against something inside you, and no amount of him trying to push past it worked. He wasn’t well versed on female anatomy, but it made his chest puff up a little in pride; he must have a pretty big dick if he’s hitting something.

“I hate you.” He groaned, incorporating his new move into the previous push and pull of his cock. “God, do I fucking hate you!” Planting both hands on either side of your body, Choso couldn’t decide where to look, your face or your cunt.

He could hear your cries easily, they were right below his ear. Every so often you’d let out a little yelp or a hiccup, your neck straining to stay as far away as possible from what was happening.

“Look at me.” It enraged him that you were so distant in this intimate moment, so Choso grabbed your chin and forced you to look him in the eyes. Your sniveling, tear stained face was what gave Choso a shiver down his spine, but there was something else there as well.

In your eyes, deep down inside you, there was hatred. He could see it burning a hole through his head and into the ceiling up above. That unmistakable fire that was usually always present in him was now inside you as well.

“Bitch.” The word came out as a short grunt, caught on the tail end of a wave of pleasure washing over him. Even though he was a self proclaimed expert, this was still his first time having sex. His orgasm was coming faster than he wanted it too and while the option to slow down was there, Choso told himself he didn’t want to savor the moment. He wasn’t about to go soft on you.

“I-I- ugh! Fuck you!” He shouted down at you, making you flinch hard against the floor. With his orgasm mounting, his anger rose as well. The two mixed together in his head, clouding his thoughts and his vision. “Fucking dumb bitch slut!”

He let out a roar and ducked his head down, keeping your head still so he could slam his lips onto yours. The strength of the kiss was enough to nearly crush your skull, Chosos dry and cracked lips rubbing against yours sloppily.

Today was a day of firsts for him: first kiss, first fuck, first time he’s cumming into something other than his fist. Resting more of his weight onto you, Choso slapped his hand against the floor in anguish as he came.

He couldn’t stop himself, couldn’t control his emotions or his actions and he rutted deeply into you, like a miserable animal in heat. It felt too good, all the sensations at once coming over him, and he sunk his teeth deep into your lip and swallowed the pained scream you let out in response.

The taste of your blood once again coated his tongue, lapping it up greedily as it poured out. Despite the urgent need to breathe, Choso refused to part ways. He’d rather die kissing you than go one minute without his lips on yours.

Eventually, he became lightheaded enough that he fell off of you, his body falling limp on top of yours. His thighs twitched, whole body feeling warm and fuzzy in the aftermath of his orgasm. If this was what heaven was like, he would gladly visit over and over.

“I…” Taking a staggeringly deep breath, Choso hoisted himself up on his hands and looked down at you. There was blood smeared around your lips, staining your skin and coating your teeth. There was no doubt you could taste it, he could tell it had coated your tongue the same way it had coated his.

Slowly withdrawing his cock, Choso watched a mixture of blood and his seed spill out of you. It was a sight to behold and if he had a camera, he would have taken a picture of it. Mindlessly, his fingers reached down and swiped some of it up, once again getting the addictive taste of your cunt in his mouth.

Sitting up on his knees, Choso tucked himself back in his pants, mouth suddenly dry the longer he looked at you. You were lifeless, unresponsive to the movement around you. But as soon as Choso scooted back far enough, you scrambled to your feet and ran away, not even grabbing your pants.

With his head no longer fuzzy, Choso could think clearly. There was a twinge of something in his chest, something that missed you and wanted you to still be here so he could do...something to you. He wasn’t sure what he wanted from you, he hated still feeling like he needed you even though he’d taken what he wanted already.

The feeling he refused to give a name to was back, telling him to seek you out once again. But there was no plan in his head, no course of action he wanted to take like before. This hatred was different, even though it wasn’t hate he had. Getting confused even more, he pushed up from the ground.

“Fucking bitch.” He mumbled to himself, letting out a huff. “You could have at least said goodbye.”

[cowboyjen68]

Recently I’ve been debating getting top surgery. I know that some butches get top surgery and seem happy with the results but I’ve also met some who grew out of their discomfort with time. So I guess I’m debating if I should wait to see if maybe the discomfort around my chest will ease with age or if I should look into getting top surgery. The ones I’ve talked to also had this discomfort about their breast growing during puberty but they said after some time it decreased but for mines it seems like a problem that hasn’t gone away.

I am so sorry for the delay, seems work and side gigs are taking up a lot of my time lately. 

I can only speak from my experience with my body and from other lesbians I talk to... and I talk to a lot. I have many friends across generations. Many of my younger friends are butch but not all. My older friends are a myriad of types of lesbians and as diverse as the greater population. This weekend now that we are all vaccinated we had a campfire with 12 lesbian, 5 butches present. We have definitely had discussions about our breasts, discomfort, and the mourning over loosing breasts to cancer (or the danger of cancer).  Most of my buddies, from 19 to 68 share similar stories about learning to be at least “okay” with their bodies in a world where our physical attributes are often used to define our personality, and our worth. 

One thing we ALL share, as women, not just lesbians, is that we were at best dissatisfied that we have breasts starting as soon as they begin to form. I was 7 when mom told me I had to wear a shirt outside. Wow was I pissed. AND as a 7 years old I knew it had nothing to do with me but everyone seemed just fine with the fact that men were the issue but since we can’t change them we must change our own behavior.

 I remember thinking “how is me not wearing a shirt a problem”. Breasts had been neutral for me at that point. Just another part of my body. Once I realized “they” made me different, more vulnerable, more controlled, less “human” than those around me without breasts I turned my hate on my body instead of the people who really were to blame. Just like I was taught, I can’t control the men but I perhaps I could control my body. 

I have raised at least 10 teenage daughters (2 are lesbians now) my youngest adopted is 15 and when her other mom told her to put on a shirt in the summer of her 8th birthday, even in our rural yard she looked at me dead in the eye and said “why haven’t you fixed this yet?” (meaning women’s bodies being subject to the eyes and opinions of men). I wonder.. why haven’t we? She is the youngest, but all the others grew from hating their breasts to at least neutral, some really love their bodies and that is lovely. 

Lesbians are unique in our dealings of men’s opinions because we never need or want the approval of men in relation to our bodies. The opposite in fact.. we would prefer they see us void of anything they find sexual. Many women, straight, bi, lesbian eventually either learn to give no shits about the opinions of men or they learn to work around that feeling.

Ok.. all that being said, my story. My breasts are B cups, perhaps C’s when I was a bit heavier weight wise. I wore regular bras WITH padding and always as tight as a could to make them less noticeable. When I came out i switched to sports bras because i was embracing being butch and no longer wanted to play the game of wearing  “pretty bra” . I never wore tight shirts, always baggy. I wore the tightest bra I could wear to keep my breasts smaller, less visible. FOR YEARS. 

Going to a women’s festival opened my eyes to the many ways bodies can be. The many ways BUTCH bodies can exist. Women went topless and NO one sexualized them. (except when appropriate-- like while flirting etc when it was welcomed). Thousands of people, many topless and no one, not one person was oogled, cat called, teased, or otherwise treated as different than someone wearing a shirt.  What did they all share? Why was it different than in other places? Women. All women and mostly lesbians. However that did not automatically translate to “I am going back to the real world and giving no fucks about the reality of existing with breasts in our world”. It took time.

I no longer wear a bra just an undershirt. BUT I am in control of where I go, who I interact with most of the time. If I was still at my retail job, I’d probably still wear a bra. I no longer dislike my breasts. I love them. They bring me pleasure, they bring my girlfriend pleasure. They are a lovely part of me BUT that does not mean I am not very aware in public of my nipples being visible or of people noticing I am braless. And I imagine it is harder for women with larger breasts. 

Had binders been a “thing”, had I had access to a double  mastectomy, or the idea of it i cannot say that would have pursued either. The pattern suggests I would have. But again., neither were on my radar, not options presented to me or encouraged as a way to solve my discomfort.

 I have  three friends who have had elective double mastectomies. And many who had one to prevent or remove cancer. Several of them suffer consistent and painful nerve damage that is not treatable, is quite common, is unpredictable (they can’t know who will have it) and possibly life long. Of the three who were trying to alleviate the distress of dysphoria, all three regret the decision and none of them are over 30 yet. These women are all lesbians. Those who had the surgery because of cancer are thrilled to be happy and alive with less worry, although they do deal with nerve issues and mourn the loss of a part of their body. 

I have a few trans men friends, although we are not close. A  couple of them have had double mastectomies but their thoughts or feelings have not come up, we are just not close enough for such a personal discussion and none have had the surgery for more than 2 years.  I have had lots of older lesbians friends (and a few younger) who did get breast reduction surgery and their health and mental health were both improved. Their backs are better, their clothes fit better and they feel more active, less self conscious with out the physical risks of a full mastectomy. 

The easy answer and what I WANT to say, is be patient, find lots of older lesbians friends to show you your body is neutral, men are the problem. Give yourself time to understand that your breasts are as butch as the rest of you. They are a natural part of your body and how you are meant to be. Also, I know there is not an easy answer. Men will continue to exist. They will continue to sexualize lesbians (with or without breasts). I didn’t outgrow wishing my breasts could just disappear(in public settings) until my 40′s but it got easier and easier to sort of “live with it”. I am many times over grateful for my healthy breasts now. 

Seek therapy.. and not someone who will just go along with what ever you say. My therapists works me hard. She makes me answer the hard questions. She has me vocalize things that I don’t even want to admit in my head let alone out loud. Find one like that. Find one who is willing to explore all the reasons your breasts cause you distress. Then, if you decide to proceed, you can do so knowing you were worth the hard work and you can feel more confident in making an informed decision. Don’t make any decisions based on the opinions of men. Your body. YOUR decision. Write that down on a post it and keep it somewhere you will see it. 

If you would like to speak to some others who are struggling with how you feel or want to talk to lesbians who can tell you about their double mastectomies, DM me, perhaps I can connect you. 

If  anyone wants to add their experience in the notes please be kind. No judgement for anyone making such a difficult decision. 

One last thing to this long post. From one butch to another.  I care about you and I am saddened and angry at  bull shit you have to wade through in this world. I get it. You are not alone. 

[tanyawritesstories]

Close Encounters | Kit Fisto x Reader

After 6 hours of writing I have finally completed my first request! Which you can view here. I had planned on this being short but then got carried away, I hope the anon who requested this enjoys and so does everyone else who reads it!

@venomous-ko asked me to tag them. @savagesbonergarage @blue-space-porgs I think y'all might like this too 😉

Word count: 4.2k

Warnings: NSFW, smut, oral (f receiving), handjobs, dirty talk, Master and Padawan relationship, groping, cliffhanger, sexual tension for days, kissing, biting, fingering, all the usual good stuff 😋

•••

You waited patiently in the training room for your master to arrive. You had gotten there a little early and decided to stretch while you waited for him, he had told you this morning that you would be practicing your lightsaber combat and more hand-to-hand combat training since you hadn’t gotten much of it yet.

Since you didn't have anything you had to do after this, you were wearing comfortable athletic clothes: knee length leggings, tank top, cute sports bra, and the belt that held your lightsaber. The training room was empty right now, most everyone else in different classes or occupied with important things. You were grateful for the privacy but also scared of it, you knew that same palpable tension would hang in the air the second your master walked in.

Kit Fisto was a unique Jedi. As a Jedi Master and council member he was a strong and dependable individual, he was different in that he wasn’t as serious as all the other Jedi Masters. He was capable of smiling and laughing and had a carefree and kind spirit, it made him a favorite with younglings and Jedi knights alike. Not to mention with the soldiers of his underwater unit, you’d lost track of how many men you suspected had a crush on your Master. You thought made you laugh.

Then there was your relationship with him, it was strong but recently had taken a strange turn. You noticed he was spending a lot more time with you and using nicknames like: ‘starlight’ and ‘little flower’ for you. They were endearing and cute, which was also part of your issue. The crush you had on your Master was against the Jedi code, but again, lately it has gone further. You found yourself daydreaming of your Master with you in intimate situations, thank the Maker your mind was well guarded. The flash images of you and him tangled up in the sheets, how you imagined his lips would feel on your skin, how his fingers would feel as they toyed with your clit, how his cock would feel as-

You shook your head, clearing the images away. There you go again. The dreams and the close encounters with your Master had culminated in a sexual tension between the two of you. For all you knew, you could be the only one feeling it, maybe Kit was unaffected. You were lucky that you were able to hide the fact that he affected you so much, both with your mind and by acting normal and calm.

You stood up and stretched, bending in half to touch your toes, feeling the slight pull in your calves. You took a deep breath and relaxed, making sure your muscles weren’t tight and wouldn’t cause an injury.

“Good evening, my Padawan.”

The cheery voice called out and you froze for a second before standing up and turning around. Your master wore a bright smile and positive attitude that was infectious. You smiled back and greeted him. “Evening, master.” You could have sworn you saw his eyes look you up and down before he turned around. You wondered why and then remembered that you had been bent in half with your ass facing the door. You could feel your cheeks heat up and tried to force the sensation back. Kit whisked off his shirt, leaving him in loose fitting shorts. You sucked in a breath and looked at the floor, admiring the work you had done on your painted toenails. You flinched when he put a finger under your chin and tilted your head up to look at him.

“Are you ready?” He asked. You unconsciously leaned into his touch, melting under his admiring gaze. “Yes, Master Fisto,” you answered. He smirked. “Remember, call me Kit when it’s just us, flower,” he said, tapping your hip next to your lightsaber. “Get ready.” You shook yourself out of your stupor and took your lightsaber in hand, activating it. Kit took his stance and activated his own blade.

You remembered your previous training and took a calming breath before lunging at him. Your blow was easily blocked and shoved aside, you used your momentum to land a kick to his chest with your bare foot. Kit took the kick in stride and rolled backwards perfectly, coming to a stand effortlessly. You sighed, slightly frustrated. Kit swung at you this time, you blocked the first swing easily and just barely blocked the next several. Lightsaber combat was fast and required extreme concentration, one misstep could spell catastrophe.

You exchanged blows, the heat from the weapons increasing the heat in the room. You were sweating, your tank top sticking to your body, making parts of it see through. Without his shirt, you could see the beads of sweat rolling down Kit’s chest. You tried not to notice it but you looked for a second too long and felt a spike of heat near your hip. You pulled away and looked to see your shirt had been burnt through to your skin, which was, thankfully, untouched. You heard Kit sigh lightly.

“You need to maintain focus, little one,” he gently scolded. “Yes, Kit,” you said staring at the floor. Whether or not he had seen you staring at his chest you didn’t know, but disappointing him was never something you wanted to do. “How about we get to hand-to-hand training now, huh?” He smiled reassuringly at you and you nodded. You tossed your saber, and the belt it was held on, away. “What am I learning today?” You asked curiously. “We are going to work on your takedowns,” Kit replied, pulling a cushiony landing mat over. You smiled, the idea sounded fun.

Kit brought you over and stood across from you. “The first maneuver I want you to do is when someone grabs you from behind,” he explained, “let me show you.” You barely hid the nervous gulp you took before turning around and backing up a little. Kit made a noise of affirmation before you felt his arms wrap around your middle and you jumped. “You alright?” He asked, his voice close to your ear. “Yes,” you breathed, placing your hands on his arms, “you just startled me, that’s all.” He chuckled in your ear which sent a shiver down your spine and an aching in the bottom of your stomach. “I’m sorry, starlight. It won’t happen again.”

“Alright, so if someone were to grab you like this...” Kit explained, he tightened his grip around your middle and gently pulled. You gasped at the sensation and hoped he didn’t hear you. “...I want you to swing your elbow back to try and hit my face, alright?” You nodded, your breathing getting shallow as you turned your head and saw how close his face was to yours. You pulled your arm in towards you before swinging it out fast, stopping just before it hit Kit in the head. “Like that?” You asked weakly, your elbow relaxing and you draped it over his shoulder. “Just like that,” he whispered. Fuck, his deep voice was doing things to you, the deep timbre worming its way into your ears and settling in between your legs.

“What you do next is put the same arm around my head, use my shoulder for leverage and jump over my other shoulder, make sense?” You smiled and giggled, honestly not knowing what he just explained. “No, I’m sorry, Kit,” You continued giggling, “I’m going to need you to show me.” Kit pushed a strand of hair away from your ear and chuckled with you. “That’s alright, I’ll help you. Just do as I say,” he instructed. Kit took your elbow and pulled it over his head to his other shoulder. You rested your hand against his back, his silky smooth skin warm and you could feel his muscles move under his skin. You hoped he didn’t know what he was actually doing to you.

“Ok, now push off me and use the Force to help you jump over the shoulder your hand was just on. When you do that, turn and land on your feet, I’ll be dragged onto my back and you will have the advantage. See how that works?” He further explained. You looked away, thinking and rehearsing the moves in your head. "I think I got it," you said. You turned your head to look back at him a little too quick and bumped your cheek on his nose, causing you both to laugh. He maintained eye contact with you for a few seconds longer and you saw his eyes darken in the slightest bit. "Alright, c'mon you've got this," Kit encouraged. He counted down and you moved.

You jumped up, using the one arm to push off as well as your feet. With the aid of the Force, you easily swung your body out of his grip and over his other shoulder. You both went careening backwards but you landed gracefully on your knees while Kit landed flat on his back, his fall cushioned by the mat. “Excellent!” He praised. You smiled wide and stood up, offering him your hand to get up. He took it and you pulled him to stand, you didn’t realize how much strength you had put into it until Kit was standing and still moving towards you with his momentum. You reached out to stop him from crashing on top of you.

“Sorry about that, little flower. Lost my balance,” he apologized. You both held each other’s gaze, the tension in the air was so thick it could probably be cut with a lightsaber. You broke away after a moment and that’s when you realized that your hands were placed on his bare chest. Heat rushed to your face and you promptly removed your hands, murmuring an apology under your breath. You could feel Kit’s eyes linger on you for a little longer before he began instructing you on the next takedown move.

“This one is fairly simple. I swing at you, you grab my arm, turn around, and flip me over your back.” You nodded along with his words, you’d seen this move done before and knew it wasn’t as difficult as the last one. “When I swing at you, grab my wrist, turn and pull me into your back. It has to be one smooth motion to let’s try just that a couple times,” Kit explained. You agreed and took your position.

Kit threw a punch and stopped when his arm was outstretched. “I grab the inside of your wrist, right?” You asked, and Kit confirmed. You grabbed his wrist with both hands and turned your back to him, pulling his arm across your chest. “Alright, good. Now do that again but pull me into your back.” You reset your positioning and breathed. Kit punched again but didn’t stop his arm this time, you grabbed his wrist and turned, pulling his chest to your back.

He collided into you with more force than you thought, you could feel the bare skin of his chest against your back where your top didn’t cover, you also felt something pressing into your ass. You froze. There was no way, this couldn’t be happening, the hardness against your ass was not what you thought it was. You tried to convince yourself and breathed in shakily, you pushed back on him accidentally while trying to move your foot and his other hand gripped your hip tight.

“Shh,” you heard him whisper. You tried to move away but he held you firmly and you just ended up grinding into him more, he groaned in your ear and your suspicions were confirmed. You could feel the wetness pooling at the apex of your thighs and your breathing become shallow. How long had he been hard for? His other arm you still had clutched to your chest and you felt his hand twist slightly, giving him the perfect angle to rest his hand over your breast. He squeezed gently and you barely bit back a moan.

“Master-”

“Just finish the move,” he rasped out, releasing his grip on your hip.

You pulled away and avoided eye contact as you moved to complete the takedown all the way through. You grabbed his wrist, turned, pulled his back to your chest, ignoring the feeling of his erection pressing into your ass again. In one smooth motion you, with the help of the Force, hoisted your master up and over you, sending him sprawling onto the mat. You kept ahold of his arm and your eyes met, you felt your pussy clench around nothing as his eyes were dark as night, filled with lust. You chanced a glance further down his body and saw the prominent tent in his shorts. Your mouth fell open and your eyes flicked between his eyes and his dick.

Tension and silence filled the room until Kit made a move.

He spun around on his back to face you and tugged on your arm that was still holding him, sending you toppling down onto him. Kit cupped your face with his other hand and crushed his lips to yours in a fiery kiss. It took a few seconds for your brain to register what exactly was happening, as soon as it did, you were kissing back. Kit parted his lips and ran his tongue over your bottom lip, nibbling gently, asking for entrance. You opened and Kit’s tongue entered your mouth, your tongues swirling together. Kit pushed off the floor and rolled you both over so he was on top of you, devouring you in his kisses. You wrapped your arms around his back and pulled him closer to you, Kit was holding himself above you with his arms and he experimentally ground his clothed cock against your center.

You broke away at the sensation of him grinding against you, you let out a loud moan and looked Kit in the eyes, he stilled. “Do you want this?” He asked, breathless. “Yes,” you breathed, “more than anything.” You pulled Kit down for another blazing kiss, during which you could feel his hands slipping under your tank top and pushing it up. You broke away just for him to pull it all the way off and toss it somewhere in the room. You wrapped your legs around his waist and Kit kissed you once more before moving down to suck and bite marks into your neck.

You almost couldn’t believe this was happening, had your master really had the hots for you the entire time and you had no idea. It was something you’d have to ask him later. A sharp nip to your collarbone had you crying out again and you wove a hand through his head tendrils. “Kit….” you moaned. He broke away from your neck and chuckled. “Needy, aren’t you?” He teased. He undid your bra and pulled it over your head, throwing that away also and revealing your breasts. You heard him curse under his breath and he gently took them in his hands. “You are stunning, my dear,” he cooed. You bit your lip and whined, watching as his mouth descended on one of your nipples. Your back arched, pushing your chest further into his hands and mouth. You moaned as you felt his tongue trace around your pebbled bud, finally flicking over it a few times and sucking hard.

You mewled, feeling more slick seep out of you as Kit sucked on one breast and his hand massaged the other. He switched and gave your other breast the same attention, his other hand snaking its way down your body. Your nails scratched up Kit’s back but he seemed to be enjoying it, letting out moans and grunts while kissing and sucking your tits. His wandering hand found its destination and he rubbed your heat through your leggings, finding them wet through. He pulled away and sat up on his knees.

“Look at you, soaked through your leggings. Do you need me to take care of you, little one?” He asked. You nodded rapidly. “Yes, please Kit. I’ve wanted you for so long,” you pleaded. Kit chuckled and reached for the waistband of your leggings, pulling them off in one fluid motion. His eyes widened at the sight and he could feel his dick twitch in his shorts. Kit looked up at you. “No panties?” He questioned. “My my, such a filthy little thing you are.”

You whined again, desperate for any sort of attention where you needed it most. Kit spread your legs and watched as your folds parted, he groaned at the sight and ran two fingers up and down your soaking slit. You released high pitched moans and tried to stay still as the pleasure wracked through your body. “You’re positively dripping, starlight. Is all this for me?” Kit asked in awe. “Yes, all for you Kit. You a-always make me this wet…” you said, your body jolting with pleasure. Kit swirled his fingers around your clit and you nearly shouted, he moved them lower and sunk two fingers into your dripping hole. Your eyes closed, the electric feeling coursing through your body as Kit started pumping his fingers.

He kept them at a steady pace and you were about to beg for more when you heard him ask you to open your eyes. You opened your eyes and looked down your body to see that Kit had moved to lay between your spread legs. Before you could say anything he was licking long stripes up your cunt, flicking his tongue around your clit and slurping up all your juices.

“You taste heavenly, little flower,” he purred. Kit slipped his tongue inside and curled it, practically scooping your wetness into his mouth. Your eyes closed and your head flew back, your moans and cries of his name mixing on your tongue. His tongue felt like liquid gold inside you, reaching parts of you that you didn't know you had and dragging pleasure from your body like a talented artist stroking against his pliant canvas.

Kit removed his tongue and replaced it with his fingers while his tongue gave your clit attention. His fingers pumping in and out, their pace picking up and Kit curled them, hitting that secret spot of heaven inside you. Your hands flew to the back of Kit’s head and pressed him impossibly closer, your fingers entwining in his lekku. Kit continued to drown himself in your cunt, he was hard as a rock in his shorts and wanted nothing more than to sink into your warm body and stay forever.

Kit worked on repeatedly hitting your sweet spot with his fingers, he could tell you were getting close and he wanted you a wet slippery mess before you took his cock. He sped up the pace of his fingers making sure to hit that spot with every thrust.

"K-kit," you cried, "I'm, I'm close..” He broke away from your pussy to speak to you. “I know. Cum for me, little flower, soak my fingers,” he begged. Kit returned his mouth to your clit and sucked hard, your hips bucked up and Kit quickly held them down as your orgasm flowed through you. The pleasure was blinding and you threw your head back once more, ecstasy surging through your body, you saw white and opened your mouth to scream Kit’s name.

He worked you through intense bliss, he stopped his ministrations and sat up again watching you catch your breath, your eyes still closed. While you were distracted, he removed the rest of his clothes.

You slowly came down from the mind blowing orgasm that Kit gave you, you opened your eyes and whimpered at the sight before you. Kit was finally naked and Maker he was gorgeous. Now that you were allowed to look at him you noticed his broad chest and strong, toned body. The expanse of his pretty green skin got slightly darker around his thick cock. Kit had a knowing look on his face as you said nothing, only reached out for him, he took your hand in one of his and kissed the back of it lovingly. His other hand traveled down and slowly stroked over his length, you whimpered and mewled as you watched him touch himself. Kit could almost see more of your juices pouring out of you and he smirked. He took your hand in his other one and brought it to his cock where you wanted it.

He guided your hand up and down his shaft and you twisted your wrist as you worked him. His skin was even softer and you wanted it in your mouth immediately, you smeared around the clear and sticky precum leaking out of his pointed and swollen tip. The little grunts and groans that spilled from Kit’s lips were music to your ears, but you wanted to make him moan. You tugged a little harder on his cock and Kit’s chest rose and fell faster with his breathing. He suddenly clamped his hand over yours, stopping your movements.

“Your hands feel amazing, starlight,” he gasped, “but I’m not cumming without being inside you.” You gasped and Kit draped himself over the top of you again. You grabbed the back of his neck and brought him in for another kiss, tasting yourself on his tongue and lips. “I need you to fuck me, Kit, please,” you begged. “I will, are you on-” “Yes, I’m on something, pleeeaasse,” you whined. You could feel his cock resting against your stomach and needed it inside your body. “Patience, little one. I’ll give you what you want,” Kit purred in your ear. He rested his forehead against yours as he reached down and slid his cock up and down your slit, collecting your juices. He pumped himself a couple times before lining up and pushing inside you slowly.

Your breath was stolen from you and your mouth hung open. Lords he was big. His cock stretched you deliciously as he continued to sheath himself within you. “Ooohh, fuck,” Kit groaned, closing his eyes as he bottomed out. You both stared into each other’s eyes, catching your breath and getting used to the feeling of being connected. Kit lowered his lips to yours, your walls were squeezing him so tight he didn’t know how he was going to pull out much. You once again wrapped your legs around Kit’s waist and dug your nails into his back. You had expected it to hurt when he entered you, given his size, but all you felt was mind numbing pleasure that encompassed your entire being.

You nodded once you were used to him and Kit slowly started moving, pulling out halfway before slamming back in. You yelped and begged for more. “Kit, please. I want you Kit, I need you to make me cum. Fuck, please!!” You rambled. Kit chuckled and picked up his pace, knowing he wouldn’t last long with how tight you were and how close he already was. “Stars above, YN,” Kit moaned, “fuck, you’ve got the tightest little pussy I’ve ever felt.” His pace increased again and he was slamming in and out of you, the sound of skin slapping together and panting filled the empty training room.

You kissed again and Kit reached down to play with your clit. Your sweaty bodies sticking together, both of you in a new kind of euphoria previously undiscovered. “Look at you, fuck, you look so beautiful like this. You gonna cum on my cock now, flower?” Kit panted. You had no words, none could enter your mind, the only thing you could think of was how good Kit was making you feel and how you never wanted it to stop. You nodded frantically, moaning loud and pulling Kit closer to you.

He pressed hard on your clit at the same time he bit onto your neck and you were sent over the edge of ecstasy. You screamed his name and convulsed around him, your cunt clamping down on him and gushing all over his cock. Kit released your neck and growled deep in your ear as his balls tightened and, with a few more thrusts, his seed was spilling inside you. You both stilled, connected together and finally sated.

After a couple minutes you fully came down from your highs and your eyes met. You smiled and Kit smiled brightly back at you, before you both started laughing. "This isn't exactly the way I had hoped you'd find out about my feelings for you," Kit confessed. You shook your head. "Me neither, but I'm glad it happened," you said. "Me too," Kit whispered, leaning down to kiss you again. You could feel Kit start to soften inside you but he made no move to pull away from you.

You nuzzled your nose into Kit's cheek. "I love you, Kit," you whispered. Kit in turn kissed the tip of your nose, making you giggle. "And I love you, Y/N," he said. "My little flower." You both smiled and connected your lips in another kiss. You both barely heard the sound of someone clearing their throat until a familiar Kel Dor voice spoke.

"Well, what do we have here?"