#and then having everyone else invalidate your feelings almost immediately after

[bbreaddog]

.

[eyesanddragons]

Rambling incoming. People often remember the book 10 vase scene & the epilogue as poorly written (and they are), but I'd argue that what happens after the vase scene is just as badly written, if not worse.

Being told that Darkstalker not only brainwashed one of her friends, but also attempted to kill off his entire tribe with a plague, should have been the final straw for Moon. She had already experienced a SEVERE breach in trust with Darkstalker before he even emerged from the mountain, so much so that it put her into tears (end of book 8). She should have immediately realized that trying to redeem Darkstalker would necessarily put the lives of her friends, Winter's tribe, and the world at risk, as long as he still had his powers. She should have immediately started focusing on how to neutralize DS as soon as possible. Maybe neutralize him in a way where she can safely try to redeem him without gambling the world on it, but not if it requires the sacrifice of her friend's safety. She should have redirected her empathy towards the friends she KNOWS she can trust. This does not happen. Instead, she throws herself a pity-party, like she is the real victim in all of this. She stubbornly insists that he can still be redeemed much to the dismay of Winter and the questioning of Qibli, and then puts the entire world at risk by betting on him willingly eating the strawberry to find redemption. It is ONLY through the serendipitous hubris of Darkstalker that he is defeated. Yet the books do not hold Moon to task on ANY of this completely blind and genuinely selfish crusade of hers. No, it's everyone else's fault for not believing in her.

A few short pages after the vase scene, Moon outright channels suburban mom energy out of nowhere, infantilizes Winter as if he is a toddler throwing a temper tantrum over spilt milk, and basically tells him to go to his room. All because he was upset that, after being told that DS nearly wiped out the IceWings and brainwashed one of her closest friends, she wanted to go talk to the culprit. She refuses to explain why and doesn't even try to understand why Winter is so upset. Yet she calmly explains her reasons to Qibli on the very next page. This scene alone made me almost quit WoF entirely because it straight-up invalidates Winter's trauma while, somehow, framing him as the unreasonable one.

After their conversation with Darkstalker, they realize they have to tell Winter that Queen Glacier, his aunt whom he genuinely cared about and valued so much that he made it a cornerstone of his identity early in the arc, has been killed by Darkstalker's plague. So, since they are such good friends they would feel genuine empathy and sorrow for him, right? Dreading the task of telling him because it will be a genuinely difficult thing to do, to tell a close friend that a loved one of theirs died? Lmao nope. Instead, all Qibli and Moon are worried about is that he might yell at them. Moon's only response to Qibli's worry is "I've heard worse in his head." Not "he's allowed to mourn," or "he's been through a lot recently, cut him some slack." Imagine if your friends, behind your back, learned of your loved ones passing and went "Oh god, alright let's draw straws on who has to tell this guy."

The 2nd half of book 10 is, to this day, probably some of the worst, most mean-spirited writing I've ever seen in... anything really. It systematically destroyed the found family to resolve a love triangle that nobody wanted, because letting Moon and Qilbi just choose each other was apparently *not* an option.

The Vase scene and how the character's react and treat Winter in the 2nd half of Book 10 is one of the reasons why it's my least favorite WoF book. It really is unnecessarily mean spirited. Though I do wanna touch a bit on what you say here. Specifically about Moon since I think her actions her could of actually been handled in an interesting and impactful way.

This isn't to defend the Vase scene or anything...it's really bad and honestly I think it's worse with this context. I just wanna mention this since I think Moon is a really under-utilized character.

Moon's in a horrifically toxic friendship with Darkstalker, he repeatedly makes Moon feel responsible for his actions, he isolates her from her friends, he constantly pleads with her to stay with him because it'll make him better or make him stop acting horrible. It's notable that Moon is the only one Darkstalker didn't enchant because her Behavior is like someone who was enchanted. Darkstalker doesn't need to enchant Moon, he's already got his grubby in her 13 or so year old mind. Moonwatcher also has a surprisingly black-and-white worldview. Moonwatcher sorts thoughts into bad and good and judges people by them. Darkstalker exploited this by showing Moon all the good things he wants and all the good things he thinks.

If we get rid of all the magic from Darkstalker for a second what we have is a horror story where a much older teenager is manipulating a much younger one to Stay With Them so that They don't Kill Anyone. This is Deeply Horrifying and I'm not even going to touch on how he compares her to Clearsight because it becomes even creepier and I don't want to talk about stuff like that at the moment.

This is why I hate the vase scene even more! Because if we divorce it from the rest of book 10 for a bit it's actually a deeply fucking terrifying scene where Moonwatcher's sense of self is so reliant on Fixing Darkstalker that the idea of him doing something so horrible is something she can't accept because if she Does that means she's at fault.

Plus part of the worry in the vase scene is coming from how Moonwatcher trusts Darkstalker still, and how Darkstalker can read her mind. Winter is putting Moon at risk by telling her this. Could you imagine if Darkstalker Did decide to do something to Moon because of what Winter did? Moon is being put in danger by that information.

Of course we live in a world where book 10 sucks and Moonwatcher is barely a character outside of the love triangle so we don't get that. Moonwatcher's personality changes depending on what the love triangle needs to continue. The clearest example of this is Moon Wanting to Abandon waiting for Winter in Escaping Peril when SHE'S the one who wanted to wait for him in the first place!

I think one of my major problems with Book 10 is that, due to the romance plot, a lot of characters feel like there being given a script by Tui herself for the plot to go like this. So, as you mentioned, instead of acting like concerned friends who just learned that there friend's aunt was practically murdered, Qibli and Moon act really dismissive and even cruel. Complaining about being yelled at rather than the fact that Winter's Aunt is Dead. However this scene is supposed to push the romance further, to show how Winter is less attractive to Moon compared to Qibli.

Now, again, really fucked up to use his aunt's death as the backdrop here, but it is the purpose of the scene. This book is so meanspirited and horrible I Hate it god I hate Book 10-

[dreamwritesimagines]

It’s CMA-

Sorry for my relative absence, I was finishing finals last week lol. Anyway I’m back and ready to read the new chapter!

As a younger sibling, I love seeing Colin roast the shit out of benedict lmao

Ooh perceptive Josie! I was wondering when she’d catch on!

I love how Anthony so clearly thinks that family is #1 in his life and can’t comprehend anyone else thinking differently. I wonder if Ben will lean on him and if he’ll learn about clover’s family, and how he would react. I think it would explain a lot about her to him.

Also the only reason I think Anthony in particular would be involved is because I feel like clover’s parents will try to extort her and Ben in some way, probably financially, in which case they’d probably need to disclose it to Anthony and/or bring him in to consult on how to legally get rid of them.

Also going back to the Anthony and family thing: he so clearly has a set definition of what family means and what you would do for them, and how you would treat them even. It’s very black and white- either your family or you’re not, in which case he’s not going to really care about you. The one exception I can think of to that rule would be Charlie.

I mean, thinking back to the duel with Simon, he so clearly is willing to turn on him in a moments notice as soon as he thought that Simon was hurting his family.

It’s a fascinating dynamic- how far would he go for his family, and how much he would take for them. It’s like the very definition of he would burn down the whole world just to see them safe.

And seeing this with clover is especially interesting because she started very much as an outsider and he considered her basically a hostile threat to be controlled, and then almost immediately after she became family, he’s suddenly expecting everything to be good between them.

Idk idk just a lot of thoughts (I didn’t even read clover’s response, just the first line of Anthony saying “better terms? We’re family.” Lol so idk if what continues will completely invalidate everything I just wrote or not lolololol)

I love how clover kind of bulldozes over Anthony and doesn’t really ever let him speak. She does this a lot but so does he, so it’s interesting to see him be on the receiving end for once. They’re so similar it’s crazy.

(Their dynamic also a really interesting case study of how one instance of severe emotional trauma has significantly different effects than severe, prolonged physical, verbal, and emotional trauma, but also how trauma fucks you up in an overarching way that is similar/apparent to anyone paying attention)

Lmfao clover just asserting to Anthony that his most strongly kept secret is so obvious to her. Love to see it (also yes anthony get off your dumb ass)

THE DUEL IS THE DUEL IN THIS CHAPTER?!!???!!!???!!?? IS EVERYONE GOING TO GET SUPER INSPIRED TO GET OFF THEIR ASSES?!!??!!??!!??!!????

HES NOT EVEN FUCKING GOING TO TELL HER HES GOING TO BE AT A DUEL?!!??!!??!!?!!!

damn I know he’s protecting her because she’ll probably have a panic attack when she realizes, but she’s going to be so fucking pissed and probably still have a panic attack anyway when she finds out. Ben what happened to always being honest with her 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 they were finally having such a nice, emotionally vulnerable, sober moment together too!!!!!!!!

Also at least we know that Anthony is going to get off his ass for Charlie finally. Thanks to clover for inspiring him and everything. Damn, if clover isn’t the maid of honor/best woman at the wedding, then Anthony will have really fucked up. He owes her BIG time.

Damn clover is going to have a crisis about nearly getting what she wanted. Holy fuck, my god, Ben you’re such a dumbass

The duel ended and Ben didn’t even come home!!! Oh my god how could Ben let Lottie be the one to tell her!!!!!!! Oh my fucking god Ben you dumbass!!!

(I know it’s fair because he’s been doing everything perfectly so far and he was bound to mess up at some point, plus I know he’s doing it with the best intentions but still!!!!!!! Ben you can’t do this to her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Wait who was Simon’s second?

Damn for Lottie’s sake, I almost hope she leaves because clover is going to be a fucking Hurricane and I’m worried who she’ll hurt along the way.

Also anthony was so close to having a decent relationship with clover and he just totally wrecked it for the foreseeable future.

Mostly she’s going to be mad at Ben, obviously because they’re the closest, but she’s going to be really pissed at everyone involved. Including Colin because he knew and didn’t tell her; I could see at least some damage being done to their relationship, which is sad because they had such a cute friendship.

Will lady bridgerton know about the duel? Will Eloise? I’d like clover to have at least one person to talk to, though I suppose she could always talk to Josie and Bess and her aunt and everyone.

I wonder if clover will stay in her house with Ben, or if she’ll be angry enough to stay somewhere else for a while. This is already going to wreck Ben, if she stays somewhere else it might break him.

Going back to the Anthony/family thing, this is such an interesting view of how all of the bridgertons are that way for one another and can’t imagine seeing things any differently. It wasn’t just Anthony that took that risk, it was his brothers as well, and daphne by riding out there in the middle of it.

It’s also a really interesting look at how Anthony didn’t even question if Ben and Colin would support him; he assumed they would, he counted on it. It’s a really interesting look at when being dependable goes too far.

I’m not entirely sure if they would count as being an enmeshed family, but I kind of feel like they would be. They’ve got very few boundaries with one another and rely on each other for everything, not even considering personal cost when it comes to the well being of their family. It’s great and amazing until it goes too far; there’s a reason why personal boundaries exist and are important, even within a well meaning tightly knit community like theirs.

Are we going to get any peeks at Ben’s POV for the last portion of the chapter, and/or if he left a letter or anything for her?

I also wonder how much this will damage her relationship with not just the bridgerton boys, but also daphne and Simon as well. I definitely feel like she’s going to resent them for what happened, even though that in doing so she would be a total hypocrite considering what happened between her and Ben.

If Ben hadn’t been so noble, quick on his feet, and willing to save her, they might’ve ended up in a not dissimilar situation to daphne and Simon, though I doubt clover would be willing to think about that.

It’s also so interesting how even though I talked about Anthony’s relationship with his family as a contrast to clover, they’re actually really similar. Anthony just uses the biological definition of family while clover has her chosen family.

It’s really interesting to consider what happens when two people who are willing to burn the whole world down to protect their family end up clashing. (Enemies to lovers clover and Anthony when? Lmaooo)

Clover’s definition of family is so flexible; she can add people and cut them off in an instant, while Anthony’s definition is very fixed: if you’re family, you’re family for life, end of sentence.

In order to protect his world, Anthony was willing to burn down clover’s, and that’s never going to be okay with her.

I wonder if Anthony even really thought about the fact that he’d be sacrificing part of his own world (his brothers) to protect another (daphne), or if he just expected them to be okay with it.

I feel like Josie is finally going to hear the truth about everything because clover’s going to be too mad to keep it a secret. When it was just her life at stake (when their fake relationship began), she was willing to take her suffering to the grave, but now that someone she loves is in danger, everyone is going to know how much pain she’s in.

Wow I know I keep saying this, but Anthony and clover are so similar. Both willing to suffer silently (and needlessly) for themselves, but they’re immediately sounding every alarm the moment they perceive their family as being in trouble.

They are both trying to control everything around them to make sure that their families stay safe. Their control issues show up every time the two of them fight: both fighting for control to make their own family the priority, even if it’s just a conversation.

Weirdly, clover almost has better personal boundaries, even if it’s because she’s practicing self preservation and being overly defensive, because when Anthony tried to walk all over her, she immediately put him in his place, but Anthony pretty much considers himself a martyr for the betterment of his family and would let anything happen to himself in order to let them be happy.

This is kind of interesting because I feel like clover sees herself as a martyr too because she was one for so long. She sacrificed herself over and over again to protect teddy, to the point where she basically burned out. So now every time she gets anywhere near that ledge, she immediately tries to flee.

But she clearly doesn’t realize this because she for so long clearly planned to sacrifice her own life by marrying an old, abusive man and keep it quiet to protect teddy and her family from the truth, and to protect herself in what little ways she could. But again, the moment she thought that that could be a reality, she had a panic attack and ran. (I believe this is in the chapter at the opera house)

Okay going back to this chapter: I’m so mad because Ben and clover are clearly just in a super sucky situation all around, and both trying the best they can to protect each other, only it backfires miserably in this case.

Honestly I’m mad at Anthony on behalf of clover. Like daphne and Simon are annoying, but ultimately they didn’t do anything that clover and Ben didn’t already do, so it’s not as condemnable, but Anthony so clearly is trying to protect his family by sacrificing everyone else, which is admirable in theory but so not cool in practice.

Idk a lot of thoughts, as always. Ugh this cliffhanger is killing me and it hasn’t even been an hour lmao.

Damn this season is fucking wild for the bridgertons lmao I love it

Omg omg CMA honeeeey! ❤️ I have so many thoughts about this! 😱❤️

Aw I hope your finals went well! 🥰

Colin will never stop roasting both Benedict and Anthony 😂 He loves it😁

Josie had her thoughts ever since that dinner...😏

I totally agree with you on the Anthony thing! ❤️ Like, for him family is the most important thing, that's also why he never even implied his feelings for Charlie because he thought Benedict had feelings for her, and he is so used to sacrificing himself for his family that he didn't even consider doing anything else ❤️

He would do anything for Charlie as well🥰😍

And seeing this with clover is especially interesting because she started very much as an outsider and he considered her basically a hostile threat to be controlled, and then almost immediately after she became family, he’s suddenly expecting everything to be good between them. Absolutely! This is such a good point! ❤️

Like, Anthony made up his mind about Clover before even bothering to get to know her, and he was incredibly angry because he thought she somehow caused Lottie's heartbreak😁 But now he knows that's not the case😏

And also, the minute Clover married Benedict, she became family ❤️ So like at this point, Anthony would do anything for her as well because she's a part of his family, regardless of their earlier arguments or future ones😁

They really are so similar😏

Omg different types of trauma for them both, exactly! 😱

Yessss Benedict didn't even tell her he was going to a duel❤️ Like, he was ready to die for Anthony and the only thing he told her was that he loved her 😭

Oh yeah, Anthony definitely confessed his love for Lottie 😏❤️ After years! ❤️

I know it’s fair because he’s been doing everything perfectly so far and he was bound to mess up at some point, plus I know he’s doing it with the best intentions but still Funny you should mention that darling, because when the actual angst hits and Benedict messing up happens... 😈

You're absolutely right, she is a hurricaneeee😈

She will be incredibly angry at Anthony as well for putting Benedict in danger but mostly Benedict for putting himself in danger like that 😏

She will stay in the house but their dynamic...😏 It'll be different!

I don't think they will know about the duel actually! 😱 Because that would lead to them knowing the real reason behind that wedding 😏

That whole family is so ready to die for each other! 😂 No questions asked whatsoever 😁

Oh Benedict didn't leave her any letters or anything 😈

If Ben hadn’t been so noble, quick on his feet, and willing to save her, they might’ve ended up in a not dissimilar situation to daphne and Simon, though I doubt clover would be willing to think about that. Definitely! ❤️ Their situations are so so similar to each other! ❤️

Enemies to lovers clover and Anthony when? I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS FOR THAT AU HELP😁

In order to protect his world, Anthony was willing to burn down clover’s, and that’s never going to be okay with her. I LOVE THIS SENTENCE SO MUCH😍😭 It's so good! ❤️

Both Anthony and Clover get feral when it comes to their family being in any kind of danger and yessss they both have control issues! ❤️ That's also why they clashed that much from the first minute they started talking to each other 😁

She sacrificed herself over and over again to protect teddy, to the point where she basically burned out. So now every time she gets anywhere near that ledge, she immediately tries to flee. Absolutely! ❤️ She is terrified of it and that's also why she is so much in denial about her feelings for Benedict and their marriage ❤️

Both Anthony and Clover would totally die for their families, no hesitation ❤️ Totally martyrs! ❤️

I am very excited for the next chapter 😈❤️

Darling, thank you so much, this is so good! ❤️ You're amazing, ILYSM! ❤️

[punkscowardschampions]

Java Pt.1

Ava: Teddy has your journal

Ava: I don’t know how but he sent a page to me, in case I could decode it, I didn’t, of course

Ava: She knows, except neither of them knows what any of it means, that’s something…

Ava: I’m so sorry, James, tell me you’re okay when you can, please?

James: [Obviously not replying until after this screaming match has occurred and Chlo has to take herself off to bed like an invalid, god knows how long said public argument went on for]

James: I’m sorry, that must have been an alarming message to receive 

Ava: I thought he had worked it out, my name, or something

Ava: I’m almost entirely certain he hasn’t, he wouldn’t be able to bluff that convincingly

Ava: How are you, as ridiculous as it feels to ask

James: Yes, I would’ve liked to warn you, but I was rather tied up and opportunely his inability to comprehend any of what he read quickly became apparent

Ava: What’s going to happen now?

James: In the immediate aftermath of our drawn out confrontation, she has gone to bed exhausted, a response I can’t fault, feeling similar myself

Ava: That doesn’t seem like the worst idea

James: Tomorrow, I don’t know

Ava: You can’t possibly know, predict any of this

Ava: Is Jay okay?

James: She’s picked up on the lingering tension, unavoidably, but she didn’t witness anything, as opposed to everyone else here

Ava: I’m glad that she didn’t, it is bad enough that you had to be part of the spectacle 

Ava: Do you want me to go away, or is there anything else I can do for you?

James: Please don’t, my family are predictably inebriated and the conversation I attempted with my marginally more sensible sister didn’t exactly leave me with the ally I hoped for

Ava: She can’t be on your wife’s side though, surely?

James: No, but she is my father’s, and they are inclined to hold fast to the, admittedly not untrue, belief that it’s my mess and sympathy is therefore limited

Ava: The mess, like the marriage, takes two

James: Yes, but their willingness to vilify her for her part in things doesn’t help me rectify them, I’ve been trying to make her understand that our separation doesn’t mean I’ll abandon her entirely and a witch hunt led by my relatives somewhat contradicts that

Ava: I see your dilemma

James: Perhaps I’m wasting my breath, having given her an ultimatum when she was issuing her threats which hardly lends credibility to those attempts to keep the situation civil

Ava: Or perhaps you can apologise, and undoubtedly she said things she could also apologise for

Ava: I think you should leave, you and her, as you can’t really make everyone else leave you without people having opinions on the politeness of that

Ava: Show you intend to work it out between you and not an entire jury panel

James: She refuses, nonetheless, you’re right, if I grovel suitably there’s the smallest chance she may reconsider

Ava: She’s going to sleep on it, the reaction has to be less explosive by default in the morning

James: All I can do is continue to try

Ava: Precisely, and I think removing the family element will make her feel protected, prioritised…

Ava: and I think I should actually let you do that, without any interference 

James: I can’t insist you go against what your instincts and good judgment are telling you to do when I scarcely trust my own in either case

Ava: I can’t make this any harder for you, however painful it is for me, it could be so much worse for you

James: You’re the lone person making it any easier, but I’m aware, too, I shouldn’t be saying so

Ava: I don’t want to do this

Ava: but I want your separation to work, for it to be as good as it can be, for you all

Ava: Me being in the picture jeopardises that chance for you 

James: It isn’t your fault, we’re sabotaged by my wife’s fixation upon how the situation may look in place of how she or I feel

Ava: I wouldn’t expect anything less than loathing of me from her

James: An amicable split was always a reach, but I foolishly endeavoured to suggest the possibility, because of my desperation to escape the alternative, the blame lands squarely at my feet, not yours

Ava: Maybe not, not if you stay for now, until she feels it’s her decision, or, mostly hers but still enough to do it

James: I already promised to, whilst I was still capable of conducting myself relatively calmly, allowing her time to decide the story she wishes to concoct, as that’s all she cares about, coming out of this whole sorry saga well, or as well as can be expected

Ava: Well, stories are your forte

Ava: Can you help her?

James: I don’t know

Ava: There’s no rush, you’ve told the truth

James: I haven’t, not about you

Ava: You’ve done it before, it doesn’t matter who I am

James: It does to me

Ava: James

James: I didn’t mean to betray you, for today to proceed as it has, I wouldn’t have forced the conversation, allowed it occur in this moment or location, if my hand hadn’t been by Teddy’s antics

Ava: You didn’t betray me, it was him, and I couldn’t say anything, not enough

James: I should’ve acted otherwise, as usual

James: Gia isn’t wrong, my entire life is comprised of a litany of mistakes

Ava: You couldn’t have done anything else, nor more, not in this situation

James: Am I making another by demanding that you stay?

Ava: I don’t know how to answer that

James: The answer I have is that I’d beg, go against your valid points, against all reason, in fact, without hesitation

James: because you do matter to me, I told her the first time my brother stirred the pot after your birthday party, I don’t have a guilty conscience, and I truly do not

Ava: I don’t think I can untangle myself from this now either, from you

Ava: That might sound ridiculous, in comparison to your real potential separation but I truly mean it, the dread I feel at having to begin is unbearably real

James: It sounds like an echo of how I feel

James: I’d repeat these actions, ours, tenfold

James: more than that, I’d begin us over and over again

Ava: I won’t go, I can’t

Ava: I’ll do everything else I can not to complicate things but I have to stay

James: It’s me putting you in unthinkable positions and I hate myself for that, acutely

Ava: Please don’t, I wanted this as much as you, I still do

James: It clearly isn’t wise for your association with Teddy to carry on, which is yet another thing I feel awful for having to bluntly state

Ava: No, you’re right

Ava: He hasn’t intentionally done this to me but he has to you, and I don’t believe he wouldn’t continue so

Ava: He isn’t all that interested in being my friend, it shouldn’t be that hard

James: I’m upset not to have the slightest indication of when and how he became this callous

Ava: I won’t attempt any excuses or reasoning on his behalf

Ava: Sometimes I don’t think he sees the seriousness, other times, I’m not so sure

James: Granted, my sister’s often cold indifference should have prepared me, but it’s different with him, his active delight at participating in the torment of people close to him, there isn’t an adjustment I know how to, or was ready to make in order to accommodate such a nature

Ava: I know what you mean, I have witnessed it too, on a lesser scale perhaps but still, it does ring true

Ava: If he was always like it, it would be easier for you to write him off

James: He’s too young to be written off, as I was

James: but to feel so unsupported has been challenging, the day has been a bleak one, and I supposed, absurdly in hindsight, as we got older we’d provide a measure of it where our parents seemingly won’t

Ava: I don’t think that’s an unreasonable thing to imagine, definitely not to want

Ava: I’m sorry, that it didn’t work out that way, that you’ve felt so alone with it all

James: I know better, still I also want better, for all of us, nevertheless

Ava: If there’s nothing else to do, all that’s left is hope, right

Ava: The disappointment can’t be as bad as giving up feels

James: Agreed, giving up is inconceivable and would be unforgivable

Ava: but I do know, how tempting it can be, I have my own sibling issues that are, somehow, not all too dissimilar to the ones you’re describing so

James: I can’t help yearning for a rewrite in which I exited the car with you and holed up, or we fled in search of a wanted holiday, the three of us, however temporary the fix and unproductive the solution

Ava: It feels so much worse now, you being there, that there’s no quick way to you when you need me

James: I’m most afraid I’ll drink once she and I commit to remaining here alone, she goads me to, prefers the person I am when I indulge and the life we shared before which I barely recall

James: I thought I could explain to Gia and she simply reminded me of the expense as a deterrent

Ava: If you gave her everything she wanted, then this wouldn’t be a separation, things have to change, you have your principles and things you aren’t willing to compromise on

Ava: I know you can do this

James: Everything is tenuous and then there’s you

James: I couldn’t do this if you weren’t with me, Ava

Ava: It doesn’t scare me, for you to ask me to stay

James: I need you, as you said

Ava: I want to be a constant, for you

James: I’m sorry I’m in the state that I am

Ava: I’m sorry for what today became for you

Ava: Do you think you’ll be able to sleep, you said you were exhausted

James: No, if Jay had her own room I’d sleep there but she’s with her grandparents

Ava: Let’s think then

Ava: Is there some kind of indoor pool, you could snooze on a sun lounger

James: I’ll pretend I’m [a character in a book, idk, I’m sure it or something similar has happened]

Ava: Were you swimming when he got the book?

Ava: That was the only scenario I could imagine when I was going over and over it

James: Yes, in light of what happened as a result I may never venture into a pool again though

Ava: It’s such a violation, those are your private thoughts, I’m so angry

James: At least they have been kept private

Ava: Only by your incredible foresight 

James: It throws a devious light upon my habits, but I promise I haven’t written novels about each affair

Ava: It’s okay if you have

James: Be that as it may, it’s a new creative pursuit

James: rediscovered from when I was a small child, one could argue, but I certainly didn’t write romance stories at that age

Ava: You have to tell me what you did write about, it’s too adorable

James: I had a pet hamster for a time, he featured heavily

James: rugby, of course, when I wanted to be a star player as previously mentioned

Ava: Did the two ever crossover, hamster rugby could be a whole thing 

Ava: that is rugby for and played by hamsters, I’m not a sadist

James: They did, I’ll have to scour my parents’ attic as additional bedtime reading for you

Ava: I don’t know if I’ll survive 

James: Please find a way to, you’re extremely important, and not just for further plot of my current book

Ava: I’ll try my best but you are very, very sweet

James: Talk to me about your [the bookshop] adventure, there’s a reason to live

Ava: Yes, luckily I did complete that mission before the world was momentarily turned upside down or I would have horrified even the people on the tube, I think

Ava: [tell him all about it, nerd out]

James: [be a nerd back because you both need this reprieve from the drama]

Ava: Oh I miss you

Ava: I bet it’s nice and warm in there though, like sleeping in a greenhouse

James: Your balcony is my nearest approximate exposure to how I imagine stepping into a greenhouse would be

Ava: When it’s warm here, we can sleep out there, we’ll not need a blanket

James: Summer will arrive soon

James: Would you be warm enough with a blanket, sleeping out now?

Ava: Yes

Ava: and Frank is like a hot water bottle

James: How is he?

James: I fear I may be forced to relent on my daughter having a puppy after all

Ava: I’ve given him so many treats whilst you’ve been away, he is benefitting from my love having no other outlet

James: Oh, I’m happy to hear someone is

Ava: But I think he misses you too, though he’s sworn to secrecy

James: I’ll have to bring him a thank you gift, for looking after you as devotedly as he has

Ava: If you wanted, you and Jay could take him for walks, to let her get an understanding of having a puppy before you commit 

James: You’re incredibly thoughtful

Ava: It sounded a bit like I already can’t be bothered to walk him myself

Ava: but I assure you, my own dedication hasn’t waned

James: I would never doubt you, my darling

Ava: [send him a selfie from your balcony ft the blanket and this pup]

James: [send her one back of this toll boy on his sun lounger]

Ava: It’s so comforting to see your face

James: [send her a voice note, which is just you being a nerd and saying hello to her and Frank basically so she can hear your voice too because we all know them falling asleep on the phone together the way they used to OG is coming, but for now]

Ava: [send him a video back of this pup listening and doing the head tilt thing when they’re like HEWWO because adorable and isn’t just you screaming ILY so we gotta]

James: She’ll be too excited to walk, I’m under no illusion, I’ll end up carrying them both

Ava: I might have to come and give you a hand then

James: You’re always welcome

Ava: I didn’t know, if that would be okay

James: To quote you, as I am want to do when you’re being brilliant, things have to change

Ava: You flatter me, I don’t deserve it 

James: You deserve more compliments than I have the time or energy to pen

Ava: You certainly looked quite cosy

Ava: I should be telling you a story tonight, I think

James: As did you, I’m pleased he has a good listening face for the barrage of questions he’ll be asked during his first walk

James: Oh, will we fight for the honour of storytelling?

Ava: He’s nothing if not a fabulous listener, I didn’t intend for him to be my captive audience but I fear he may be

Ava: We could but fighting with you is just the last thing I ever want to do 

James: Naturally he’s a good boy, you’re his owner

James: Do you really want to read to me or be read to? I haven’t forgotten I owe you tonight’s chapter of [what they are reading] but I’m unopposed to you taking a turn if it’ll make you happy

Ava: I only want to make you happy, you do so much for me, I feel so spoiled

James: What you’ve done and how you make me feel is impossible to put into words, it’s going to forever elude me, I know it

Ava: I feel kinda tongue-tied now too 

James: It’s okay, we can both read, I’ll go first

Ava: I do prefer it when you take the lead

James: [write her a little dancing scene because you can hear music coming from somewhere and you’re in love rn so gotta bring the peak romance with a what if]

Ava: [read this back to him, even though he said he’d go first, you simply gotta because it killed you and you need to be like LOOK WHAT YOU DID]

James: I’m sorry, I can’t go to sleep yet

Ava: I’m not going without you

James: Just to [another bookshop like he’s giving her a clue for this book hunt] and back

Ava: One step closer

James: Another day endured

Ava: But what a day

Ava: how you’ve not passed out is beyond me

James: I had to spend time with you

Ava: I am beyond grateful, I thought you might stop talking to me, fairly so

James: No, you’re mine and these moments are ours, albeit snatched and hurried too frequently

Ava: I was just scared, that you may need to

Ava: but you’re here and I’m here

James: I’m deeply sorry Teddy frightened you with his theft and the subsequent events stopped me from quieting said anxiety as fast as would have chosen to, had I been offered a choice

Ava: You’re a good person, do you know that

James: My heart breaks at the idea of you upset, that’s all

Ava: I promise I can handle it

James: You’re a brave and resilient person

Ava: You might just be my favourite person

James: May I? If you’d allow me to be, I think I’d be content with that

Ava: There aren’t any other contenders but I only want it to be you, no matter what

James: Thank you for bestowing upon me a future I sincerely look forward to experiencing

Ava: Do you believe that things can change, that it will work?

James: I have no faith in her, but I do in us

Ava: That’s enough

Ava: I won’t let you live life only in stolen moments, it isn’t good enough for you

James: It won’t be like this indefinitely, which is so much more than I once dared to consider possible

Ava: [write him a lil what if that is basically how you imagine his life and is him getting to do all the things he wants and actually being happy]

James: Ava

Ava: I can picture it so easily

James: You’re ever that vivid, I understand

Ava: I can feel your arms around me now, if I concentrate

James: And my watch proves any moment is capable of lasting beyond itself, to linger until we’re reunited

Ava: Exactly

Ava: alone feels less lonely, you exist in so many places my senses can comfort themselves, you are my constant too now

James: [tell her about how whatever trinket she gave you from her bedroom has moved from where you were keeping it on your desk at work while you were there hating it to being with you on this holiday, in a more poetic and extra manner but that’s the gist]

Ava: Oh

Ava: a piece of me being there brings me such an intense feeling of comfort, my head is reeling

James: It feels reckless with the fate of my notebook what it was, but I made the decision prior, and I’m not sorry I did

Ava: It could be worse, I had intended to gift you my underwear but that didn’t feel appropriate as work colleagues 

James: [ofc writing a what if for if she could have though, because we all know how feral he’d be being with them rn if she had, much like when he took that pair to work that time to get through it, but even more so because the feels are even higher and he is essentially alone on this sun lounger at this o clock clearly with less chill needed than at his office]

Ava: Around the time you had fucked my ankles behind my head was when I realised my error in logic, definitely

Ava: now the only reason to wear any is to have something to present to you

James: My impatiently awaited homecoming will be faultless, yes

James: you and I have both fervently learned lessons

Ava: You won’t ever want to leave me behind again

Ava: Deciding whether to drop my pants or to my knees first is going to be a tough decision

James: Let me help you

James: [write both of these scenarios for her, as if that won’t just make it harder to decide lol]

Ava: James

James: You have my permission for either, for anything

Ava: I’m thinking about the positions a sun lounger affords us, that’s what I’m picturing now

James: [again write about it, this boy is on a roll, and we’re all buzzing Teddy can’t read this the sneaky rat]

Ava: It can be just like in the car

Ava: but you’re coming back to me

James: Yes

Ava: I want you home

James: A home with you is all I want

Ava: Do you mean that

James: Completely

Ava: Being a recluse has never sounded more heavenly, wow

James: I swear I’ll free you on occasion

Ava: Just take me those unavoidable places you have to go that aren’t our home

James: The absolutely perfect office paperweight, your body on my desk

Ava: Yours, to admire or play with until it’s a quivering mess that begs for you

James: An ideal stress ball too

Ava: I want to feel it, to take on the pressure and absorb it, be so used and useful for you

James: Can you take all of it?

Ava: You know I can, you taught me 

James: You’re a pleasure to teach

Ava: You’re a very good teacher

James: [asking her a revision question, how they do]?

Ava: That’s not fair, sir

James: Have you been neglecting your revision?

Ava: It’s just been hard to concentrate

James: Perhaps, but there are people you’d like to make proud, aren’t there?

Ava: Yes, very much

Ava: I’ll try harder, I promise

James: [asking her the question again like okay go on]?

Ava: [give your best answer after having clearly thought about it and truly done your best here and now]

James: I knew you could do it

Ava: Are you proud of me, sir?

James: You’re top of my class

Ava: then I’m proud of myself

James: As you should be, you’re going to have a bright future and achieve a lot of great things

Ava: I couldn’t do it without you, you push me to be better

James: You could but you never need to

Ava: I need your encouragement

James: You earn it

Ava: I can do anything if it means I earn your approval

James: You’re capable of an extraordinary amount

Ava: You can’t believe it either, how I’ve blossomed under your tutelage 

James: I recognised your potential immediately, from the moment I first saw you, remember?

Ava: I’ll never forget

Ava: I wanted you to take me, uncover every hidden depth, mould me into the woman I want to be, the one you need

James: You have the most unmarred beauty, irrespective of how deep I go

Ava: Nothing is out of bounds for you, you know I want more, I want you to see everything

James: You’ve claimed that word, I don’t hear it in any voice but yours

Ava: I can’t pretend I’m sorry about that

James: No apologies

Ava: I don’t think I’ll be satisfied until you’ve claimed and charted every inch of me, even then

James: Every inch of you is mine already and you definitely aren’t

Ava: No apologies?

James: None

Ava: You can ask me another, I’m ready this time

James: [do, clearly a harder question]?

Ava: [we still gotta slay, I’m afraid, we have been revising, until this latest drama, unlike some people]

James: Good girl, it’s apparent you’ve worked diligently and will reap every reward

Ava: Yours, always

Ava: You know how devoted I am, don’t you?

James: I’d struggle to question your passion even as a shameless ruse to praise you anew

Ava: I’ve never met anyone as encouraging as you, it makes me feel lucky to have you in my life 

James: I’m the lucky one, my life has changed drastically thanks to you

Ava: You’re the one making the changes, and you deserve me, entirely

James: Your strong will inspires me

Ava: You make stubborn sound much sweeter

James: You’ve turned it into a positive trait

Ava: Do I even need to say how worth it I think this all is, if something seems worth pursuing, I just can’t not

James: I’d encourage you to say whatever you desire, especially out loud

Ava: It does feel as if I could speak it to the sky and those thoughts could get to you, undisturbed and unobserved by anyone else

James: And selfishly, I miss hearing your voice

Ava: [send a voice note of you doing that, with the ambience of being outside on a summer’s night and all the extra shit you just have to say]

James: I appreciate not being on the tube considering my reaction

Ava: I’m glad you’re alone too

Ava: I have to admit how thoroughly I enjoy monopolising your attention

James: You did with my drunk brother on my arm and a waiting car in our peripheral vision, my attention hasn’t shifted since

Ava: I’m still not sorry

Ava: I wasn’t then, only in my moments of fear and doubt have I questioned any of this

James: I’ll keep you safer, I promise

Ava: Do you want to?

James: Of course

Ava: I’m not hard work, am I?

James: You aren’t work at all

Ava: Good

Ava: because I want that

James: Then I’ll better protect you

Ava: You do it amazingly

Ava: you think about me more than anyone else, just knowing and believing that makes me feel so cared for

James: No, I let you down earlier

Ava: You didn’t

James: From now on, I refuse to

Ava: [send him a blushy selfie because he’s being so daddy and you can’t cope]

James: [drop a peak romance poetic af line about it which could be a quote but isn’t]

Ava: I feel like I’m getting better at spotting your work, as I should as your biggest fan

James: [see if you can guess what page she’s on because you left her the fancy notebook aka the whole story so far, just dropping a page number without any context like ? because you know she’ll know what you’re asking]

Ava: So close

Ava: [going to say you have read slightly more because keen ofc]

James: Are you going to read the other [however many pages she has left, because he’s so nervous and nearly didn’t pack that lol]?

Ava: Of course I am, I should have lingered and really savoured every word but I can read it at least another few times before you’re back

James: I’ll rewrite it as many times as you think fitting

Ava: But I like it how it is

Ava: I know that rewriting and multiple drafts are key to being a serious author but it’s exactly how it felt, how it happened

Ava: I wouldn’t want that lost on the cutting room floor

James: [tell her how many drafts you’ve done pre-fancy notebook because likewise keen obvs, tis all he do atm haha, like maybe it’s okay to not again and I can still be a serious author]

Ava: The words I can come up with now off the top of my head aren’t sufficient enough to tell you how good it is

Ava: my extraordinary bias taken into account beforehand too

James: The number of pages you’ve read through is a fair indicator, it must be passable

Ava: Absolutely

Ava: I’ve noted my favourite parts but I want to give it back to you so you can read along with my notes

James: Or your bias is substantial enough to overcome my lacklustre efforts

James: but, your notes will reveal more on that

Ava: Do you know any of the English faculty at King’s?

Ava: I bet you could charm one of them for a more expert and unbiased opinion, if you wanted

James: Yours is the only opinion which matters, will ever have any real significance to me

Ava: Okay, then you’ll have to believe me, I love it

James: I adore you

Ava: I adore you too

James: I’m risking getting you into trouble if the bear’s eyes aren’t covered, my apologies

Ava: [do cover them with his paws and send a pic like lol]

James: Crisis narrowly averted, well done, darling

Ava: I’m sure I could talk him ‘round if necessary, after all, he’s got to spend all this time with me and not you

James: True, you are the sweetest talker and it’s I who should be envious of his privileged position

Ava: I may have to find him a new position, pride of place, when you come home

Ava: we won’t all fit

James: And perhaps momentarily, as he is my temporary stand in

Ava: Oh

Ava: that is an idea

James: [obviously wax lyrical about the position this bear should be aka you wanna be in sir, in explicit detail, which at this precise moment of time is head between her legs doing the absolute most]

Ava: Fuck, James

James: That’s my aim, yes

Ava: I’m truly sorry for what I’m about to do to this bear’s face, Jesus

James: He isn’t because I’m not

Ava: You’re still proud of me

James: Didn’t I tell you that you deserve every reward?

Ava: I feel like I’m behaving very badly now though

James: You’re acting on my instructions

Ava: True

Ava: my favourite way to behave

James: So be a good girl

Ava: Yes

Ava: I’m doing it just like you showed me

James: As promised, I’ll look after you

Ava: You can look, hear, whatever you ask of me

Ava: though my blushes may reach catastrophic levels if you listen to the things I didn’t even know I wanted to say to you

James: I’m afraid to ask everything of you, it would form an instant habit

Ava: But that does seem right, as you never leave my mind, nor does the effect you have on my body, so I think you have a right to know at any given moment

James: It would feel right

Ava: [send him video of your unhinged behaviour because literally cannot stop yourself grinding against this bear, nor can you stop the 🥺 noises or the way you are unable to not call him daddy in this moment]

James: Oh fuck

Ava: Is that okay, I’ve felt this way for so long but I don’t have to tell you

James: You can tell me anything, you should

Ava: You’re just so protective and capable and supportive and everything I already have told you, it’s fitting

James: It’s okay, more than

Ava: That’s how I feel too

James: I don’t know how to verbalise what it means that you construct for me an identity I didn’t have, always

Ava: It’s just how you are, to me, what I see

James: Ava

Ava: What are you doing right now, I want to know I’m not alone with how much I’m doing in almost public

James: [send her a video of your own unhinged behaviour, soz to this sun lounger getting abused in this manner but he doesn’t have a bear to]

Ava: I can feel that, the hold you have over my imagination is like nothing I’ve ever known before

Ava: I’ve missed you

James: I love your imagination, I don’t intend to ever leave

Ava: Stay, stay, stay

Ava: Please

James: It’s a home away from home, I won’t

Ava: I’d offer you the key but you have it already, clearly

James: You can have a key when I move

Ava: I can?

Ava: That means so much

James: Yes, I want you to stay as well

Ava: It would be really strange if I started crying now, all things considered

Ava: just know how touched I am

James: You’d have to move the bear to let him hold you as I would

Ava: and I don’t think I can

James: Not yet

Ava: You tell me when

James: When I’m back, a moment prior would be too soon

Ava: The practicalities of this intrigue me and make for a maybe hilarious maybe as tantalising mental image

James: You’ll need to remain where you are

Ava: I would love that, missing you is easier when not surrounded by other people

James: [do a countdown as if she’s really gonna not move]

Ava: [make it a reminder on your phone calendar, again, like you won’t move a muscle]

James: [not this boy writing it on his hand like you do with casual reminders but not at all casually and exactly like when she wrote his name on her thigh, we all remember]

Ava: Being right where you left me feels like where I should be

James: Can you put my watch on without getting up or going inside?

Ava: Without going inside, yes, hold on

Ava: [I imagine you have everything he gave you in the bag out here with you so get to that without moving from this bear and send him the proof]

James: I stand corrected, it’s yours

Ava: I couldn’t possibly keep it but I like wearing it, and the time is memorised and imprinted on my brain

James: Please

Ava: Won’t you miss it?

James: Should I we’ll stop another

Ava: An excellent plan

Ava: I fear nothing we do is replicable but we can try our hardest

James: As long as you’re sure that what you’re doing is something I can, and am going to

James: [write about it again in detail because you are extra and you’ve seen her doing it now so you fully can]

Ava: Obviously it’ll be unbearably better when it’s you

Ava: even the best replacement is only that

James: He has an advantage over me in that he doesn’t require pauses for breath, but I’d gladly sacrifice taking any

Ava: You know you’ll kill me before you run out of breath

James: The only way I’ll permit you to die for me

James: [a countdown for this like die rn immediately because I say so please and thank you]

Ava: Shit

James: [write all the praise and encouragement in all the ways like you did until the moment she was standing in front of you IRL]

Ava: [taking what would feel like ages, for the constant back and forth you have been having, to reply because that killed you, even if it’s just a minute]

Ava: I

James: You can tell me, it’s okay

Ava: I’m still searching for the words to

James: There’s time, you and I have plenty

Ava: So much more to come

James: Absolutely

Ava: You seem confident, in a way you didn’t before

James: I am

Ava: I love it

James: The prospect of you nobly walking away reiterated to me I’m totally unprepared for our separation 

Ava: I am only hypothetically interested in how I intended to pull it off myself, I can’t bear to think about it any other way

James: I crave you, this life

Ava: We’ll find a way to make it happen, we need to, this is so right that any other life is rendered irrelevant 

James: I’m hostile to the mere possibility and exclusively open to actions which help me to hold onto you

Ava: I’m not going anywhere, I want this to be long-term

James: I could die happy if I got to see you every day, to publicly be with you on any number of those days

Ava: The idea that, one day, that can be more than fantasy in my head is wild

James: I had hope before, but I recently have resolve too

Ava: No secrets, no lies, it’s liberating

James: A new leaf

Ava: I don’t know where you’re going to find the time to write about us when we never have to be apart

James: I’ll insist you sleep for the recommended hours

Ava: Hey, what about your recommended hours

James: I’ve been deprived for the last four years, I’ll be fine

Ava: No

Ava: I admit that storytime had the opposite effect tonight but I will work out how to get you to sleep

James: [shade authors how you two like to do being like you could read them to me lol without actually saying that, and then pick some journalists because she is gonna be one who won’t suck, casual list of boring bastards]

Ava: I don’t want to bore you to death, darling

James: I could listen to you recite [something really REALLY boring, like the phonebook but they don’t exist, you know what I mean, maybe he’s sassing school/the revision she hates most, just for fun], and indeed will

Ava: You’ll love running lines with me just as much as I will then

James: I’m really looking forward to it

Ava: There’s a lot I’m looking forward to

James: Me too

Ava: I know this part is going to be really hard for you

Ava: but I’ll be here for you

James: Thank you

Ava: Of course, you shouldn’t be on your own through this

James: Shy of imposing, which I baulk at, I’ll try to embrace your full support

Ava: That’s what friends are for

James: Rarely has anything of the sort been my experience

Ava: No

Ava: A good friend, then, a rarity, not to toot my own horn but I shall try to be one

James: You’re a wonderful companion, along with esteemed faux work colleague, lest we forget

Ava: How could we?

Ava: Our lunch dates are the highlight of every working day

James: They are

Ava: I hope we can keep it up

James: Retirement is far off

Ava: So is Uni for me, I think we can manage

James: A little less so, but yes

Ava: Two whole years before we need to think about that

James: Shh, [a teacher he had that she therefore still has who is that bitch] would despair to hear that you aren’t

Ava: They have bigger fish to fry right now, maybe [this teacher] can beg your brother and the other culprits to do some revision before final exam…

James: It is a tactic he’d be inclined to respond to, unlike [another teacher who we are shading because they either do nothing or they are shouty and go too hard, whichever]

Ava: Mm, more carrot less stick

Ava: He is like Frank in that way

James: Most are partial to honey rather than vinegar

Ava: [this aggy teacher] will have to get some treats in

James: A student council worthy recommendation

Ava: I can assume you had different priorities than my brother and were not on the prefect team in sixth form, right?

Ava: Competition for head boy had to have been thin on the ground 

James: I wasn’t many years into secondary in advance of being deemed an academic lost cause, [the head teacher] would have been taken ill, I fear, dare I utter the words head boy

Ava: I don’t know if I can call that a shame in good conscience, even only as a hypothetical 

James: I’m intrigued what you would call it

Ava: Don’t get me wrong, I’m not wishing death on [the head] and the rest of the faculty 

Ava: I just think [their school] is as questionable an institution as any other people buy their way into

James: You’ll hear no counter arguments from me on the subject

Ava: Even though I apparently give off prefect energy, I doubt I’ll bother with it

James: Undercover journalism is bound to be time consuming, I can’t in good conscience champion the assignment

Ava: Exactly

Ava: My friend Raz will have to report back to me when she invariably decides she must be head girl

James: You’ll have your own hands full with [some hilarious guesses for what the school play might be] once you get the bug this term

Ava: Will you even be able to cope if I go full theatre kid annoying?

James: The weekly dose of baby ballerinas and their mothers stands me in good stead, I suspect

Ava: Oh, well that is just not a favourable comparison at all

Ava: I don’t think I can live with that

James: You’ll have to hold onto the character you’re already endowed with, in that instance

Ava: Or hold onto summer as long as we can

James: I think I can live with that

Ava: It isn’t too late for me to consider other schools, if necessary

James: You have the luxury of time to contemplate all manner of things

Ava: Not that long but, again, the summer

Ava: I hadn’t contemplated anywhere else but it would be less complicated, for numerous reasons, I don’t know

James: Perhaps and one less complication is one less complication

Ava: Sorry, what you don’t need right now is another choice to make

Ava: I’ll work it out, it doesn’t matter right now

James: It isn’t my choice and I won’t make it for you, but that doesn’t mean we’re barred from discussing it, that’s never the case

Ava: I know

Ava: I think the shock has perhaps worn off and I just feel a bit, well, you know

James: Yes, but don’t worry, I’d dissuade you from a hasty decision, as much as I possess any influence

Ava: You possess plenty of influence, I care about your opinion 

James: And I the trajectory of your life, the smaller steps and the larger

Ava: Knowing everyone and everyone knowing you has always seemed like such a negative 

Ava: but if I don’t know anyone at a new school, maybe that’s a different kind of awful

James: There is a loneliness in fresh starts which are seldom talked about

Ava: It must be hard, losing friends because you need to lose a lifestyle, especially so young

James: That said, you’re not me, I believe you’d make new ones

Ava: That wasn’t entirely under your control, don’t say it like a failing

James: It was a failing to relinquish control over the amount of things I did

Ava: If it were possible to resist, you would have

James: Defiance is always possible, if you’re willing to face the consequences, I wasn’t

Ava: You were trying to make it work, whether you see that as a foolish endeavour now

James: A house built on sand, not that I’m poised to make your bedtime reading biblical all of a sudden 

Ava: An interesting proposition

James: You’d sleep for the recommended hours but your dreams may be fascinating

Ava: The Book of Revelation is meant to be a trip

Ava: I don’t want to go to bed, still

James: I’m not ready to let you either

Ava: We could go for a swim, if I was there

James: [write about it ofc, any excuse for a what if scenario and that would be peak romance as well as a hot move]

Ava: Just add skinny dipping to the endless list of things I need to do with you

James: Turn to the back of the notebook and compose your list please

Ava: You told me to so nicely, I have to

James: I’ll contribute my own ideas when you return it

Ava: I’m afraid this list can’t be rushed, what if I miss something and you think I don’t want to do it?

James: The handover doesn’t need to be rushed, I trust you to take care of this draft of my scribblings

Ava: I’ll take all the care deserving, though I fear I will need more drafts than even you, darling

James: Perhaps you deserve your own notebook for this venture

Ava: I doubt the gift shop has any worthy

James: I’ll organise a detour via [where they were shopping the other day, deliberately so]

Ava: I owe you so many presents

James: You don’t owe me a thing

Ava: Okay, owe isn’t the word

Ava: I want to spoil you as much as you do me

James: I am, the sensitivity and attentiveness you show is unparalleled 

Ava: But I want to give you more

James: You’re giving everything you can, I know that

Ava: Don’t forget

James: How could I?

Ava: I know I’m not as mature or as interesting as the girls you’ll be free to see when you’re through all this

James: You’ve approached this with a maturity no one else I’ve spoken with has come close to, not to mention, you’re the most enchanting person I’ve ever met

Ava: It wasn’t super mature of me to bring up my insecurities there though

Ava: I like you, more than just a fling, I want you to know that

James: Well, that’s a relief because this is more than just a fling, isn’t it?

Ava: Yeah

Ava: I hope so

James: I want us to be

Ava: I know, and I do too

Ava: I just know how fast this has been and where you are in your life, I don’t want to be foolish

James: I’d hate to pressure you, I hope you don’t feel that way

Ava: No, not at all

Ava: I told you, I have a habit of getting carried away

James: I’d be suspicious of someone who wasn’t, with emotions as intense as these

Ava: If I had learned any lessons, heeded any advice, we wouldn’t be here

Ava: I’m not mad that we are, by any means

James: I’m typically plagued by regret, but it hasn’t found me here

Ava: I’ll never regret you

James: On the contrary, I’ll pay tribute to you whenever the opportunity arises

Ava: This isn’t too much, it’s the idea that one day it could be taken away, that’s what I was trying to say

James: I’m scared too, again, how could we not be?

Ava: It’s normal, you’re right

Ava: Thank goodness, right

James: Whether or not I’ve learned nearly enough from my copious errors in judgment and bad choices, it’s fair to say I’ve grasped that it’s worth having things you’re anxious you may lose in lieu of having nothing you much care for

Ava: I entirely agree

James: Will you agree to be my girlfriend? I realise it’s just a word, that we can’t actually be together officially, but despite that hurdle yet to be navigated

Ava: Yes

Ava: It means a lot when everything would be simplified by not acknowledging me at all, I know that to be true but to say I don’t want this would be a complete lie

James: You mean a lot, Ava

Ava: I might be floating, I hope that doesn’t break the rules about not leaving here

James: Kindly drift toward me, if so

Ava: I know you can’t possibly guess at this point

Ava: but tell me you’ll be home soon

James: We’ll create a home together soon, I promise

Ava: I can’t even comprehend how happy I would be, to see you that often, get to be with you

James: Until that moment I’m homeless, and aware how dramatic that sounds

Ava: I am a fan of your flair for the dramatic, it matches my own so well

James: It would be awkward for me to disclose something like that if we weren’t perfectly suited to each other, thank you for sparing my blushes

Ava: I do miss them but we need to be in person for me to fully appreciate

Ava: Where shall we live?

James: [send her a picture anyway, just cos]

James: I don’t know, I’ve lived in a grand total of one postcode to date

Ava: God, I can already feel the hours I’m going to spend staring at that rushing past

Ava: I barely have you beat, but that’ll mean it’ll be all the more fun searching

James: I almost feel as though I should get in the pool, then we can both float for a while

Ava: I absolutely think you should

Ava: We all know they’ve had to tolerate worse debauchery from guests who think they can buy their way out of rules, you’ll be fine

James: Shall I? Okay

Ava: I wish I had a pool to get in right now, maybe I’ll get in the hot tub, if I find IV a suitable floaty to keep him, hm, dry is no longer the word 

James: [send her a picture of you on one so she can copy it with this bear]

Ava: 🥺

[s-serendipit-y]

arguing with izuru (then making up)

request: izuru and his s/o (fem or gn is fine) having an argument but then they make up?

characters: izuru kamukura

note: spoilers for the dr3 anime and trigger happy havoc and small changes to the canon timeline

i tried my best to keep it in character but i lowkey can’t see izuru apologizing 🧍🏽‍♀️but i hope you still like it

this is pretty long, i got carried away with this one 💀

——— izuru kamukura

arguing with izuru is hard

mostly because of his personality, he tries to evade any arguments with anyone since he finds it boring

so anytime he sees you getting defensive or upset he would back down letting you cool off before trying to talk to you again

but this wasn’t one of those times

you had found out the izuru was in contact with junko again, after everything she put everyone through he was talking to her again

how could you not be angry? so of course you immediately confronted him about it

at first he tried to brush you off by not responding and walking away from you but you quickly stepped in his path stopping him from walking away.

he gave you his normal deadpanned look as you look at him angrily

“your promised you wouldn’t talk to her again! how could you betray me like that? betray the future foundation?”

“the future foundation means nothing to me.”

“what about me? i thought we were supposed-“

“you’re being irrational s/o.” 

you were hurt, but you shouldn’t be surprised. he’s always been like this, yet he’s never hurt you like this before. maybe everyone was right, why would you date the ultimate hope who worked with the ultimate despair?

“maybe we shouldn’t be together then.”

you storm out of his dorm a heavily feeling in your chest. was this despair? is this what junko craves? it’s almost unbearable.

little did you know izuru had the same heavily feeling in his chest.

it’s been days since you and izuru had last talked

everyone else could notice the tension between you two, you were clearly ignoring him and he would always keep an watchful eye on you

he could tell that you were still mad at him but at the same time he could tell how sad you were

and deep down, he missed you so much

you were the only one that actually helped him open up his emotions so now that he got the feeling to you may be gone, he hates this feeling and all izuru want is to be near you again

so he would wait until you were in you back at your dorm before coming to visit you

“oh, what are you doing here?” you say when you first open the door

“i’ve come to apologize, i invalidated your feelings and that was wrong of me. you mean a lot to me s/o and i don’t want to lose you.”

you turn away from his gaze, of course you were happy that he reached out but there was on thing you needed to know:

“what did you and junko talk about that one night?”

“you.”

you were surprised. you? what could junko possibly want with you.

“her ideal are to spread despair across the world and she failed once, the future foundation restored everything. but that won’t stop her, how boring she threatened to harm you and i would not let that happen.”

you open your door wider letting him inside

“izuru, i don’t know what to say, i’m so-“

“you have no reason to apologize. it’s was my fault, i thought the best possible outcome was to not tell you but for once i was wrong.”

“can i hug you izuru?” you whisper standing in front of him

he doesn’t even respond only pulling you against his chest his long dark hair closing around you.

“is there any way you’d allow me to fix things?” he mutter

you sigh wrapping your arms around him pulling him tighter against you

“i want to fix things too, i should’ve trusted you more.”

[neko-rogers]

But It’s Better If You Do

Trying to keep your relationship with your professor was easy enough, until you learned that someone had found out about it.

words: 7,424 tags: manipulative!peter, explicit noncon/dubcon elements, degredation, implied overstimulation, blackmailing, kidnapping, college student and professor relationship, 

a/n: whew this had a lot of words compared to what i usually write. plus, since im bad at titles, i’ll just use my fav song titles lmao. (ps. erik lehnsherr aka magneto is here and im just glad i could put him in my little fictional world bc im d biggest slut for him)

     A complete lie, you just did not want to deal with college fuck boys.

     The man in front of the class was practically pouring his heart out into the lecture. The chalkboard was filled with white letterings from left to right, not knowing where to start as you take down notes.

     “It is important to keep in mind that bimolecular structure and function are dictated by the properties of the medium in which they are dissolved,” your professor explains while continually pacing from one end to the other among the students seated at the first row.

     You decided to seat around the middle to the last row, knowing it was the least obvious way for other students in the class to notice how much you fawn over your Organic Chemistry professor rather than the subject itself.

     Honestly you could listen to him talk for hours. All those information he had been discussing would not actually process through your thoughts. You knew that better than anyone.

     But who honestly would invalidate your reason? Everyone can probably relate to hating Chemistry, no matter what subcategory it is. 

     Considering that this was probably one of the most difficult courses you had in your program. You were just thankful and lucky enough you landed on one of the hottest professors amongst the campus.

     “Hey what did Professor Lehnsherr say about the problems during synthesis of proteins?” Peter asks.

     In spite of being fortunate about everything else about this subject, you were not quite happy about Peter Parker following you around like a lost puppy. Especially during the classes you both have alike. 

     The boy constantly asks so much questions as if you were the teacher already. In addition, he seemed smart enough to figure things out yet somehow he keeps on bugging you for reassurance.

     You did not want to be rude. He has not done anything to completely deserve your rage, however he was definitely getting on your nerves.

     Honestly you would not want to be infuriated over his consistent queries, but you were just as distracted as he was, maybe even more. With this, you were looking dumber to him each day. 

     To anyones pride, it was probably a kick in the stomach. You knew you were not the brightest in this class, but it was best to leave the information to yourself. No need for anyone to point out how mindless you were.

     And you really were not. You had other Science subjects you totally excel at. Sadly, Chemistry was just not one of them.

     “Well, uh, I don’t think I got that part either.” You look aside where he was seated and awkwardly smiled at him before mentioning an apology, “Sorry, Peter.”

     In return, Peter smiled at you and dismissed the question. You were not so sure whether to forget about it or take even the least bit of offense. You felt a little mocked by how easily he did it and innocently he smiled, but maybe you were just overthinking this through.

     “It’s fine,” he tells. “I just didn’t get the third bullet, but I’ll try to review it in the textbook when I get home.”

     “Oh okay, sure.”

     “Speaking about reviewing,” Again, Peter tries to start another discourse.

     “I was wondering if you got reviewers for the upcoming text for next week? We all know how difficult Professor Lehnsherr’s exams can get, right?” He lets out a forced chuckle, assuming it could lighten the mood.

     As much as he tried to make small talks with you, almost everyday, today you really feel like you did not want to return the favor. Especially after having to bring up the test next week.

     “I don’t really make reviewers, I usually just scan the books I have at home.”

     Lies. You probably have a box full of index cards and sticky notes in your room.

     You tried to use every studying tips every corner of the Internet could give. All those study-life hacks that really did not help much but pile up to your disorganized state of mind.

     You fucking tried to study Chemistry. You really did.

     “What, you don’t?!” He suddenly exclaims, not realizing the loudness of his voice as it almost caught the attention from people at front. “You seem to be busy all the time though. It’s like I always catch your writing or reading something in class.”

     Maybe your mood was just off but it definitely seemed weird for him to say that. Though, you did not want to make something from what he said. It was not worth your time.

     “I guess people are not always what they seem to be, yeah?”

     Again, Peter gives out that soft chuckle and smile, “Then I guess so. You do make a point.”

      He does not argue with you any further.

     “Can I at least borrow your Physics book? I only bought Chemistry and Biotech for the semester. Didn’t know they would actually utilize it for once,” he scoffs. 

     At first you hesitated. You were reviewing for it too, but you already felt bad for being no help whenever he asks a question and often times disregarding him when your mood if off. Plus, you did just make it look like you were not much of a study-freak.

     “Okay.”

     He instinctively fist pumps the air and looks at you with a wide, grateful grin. “Thank you so much. You’re a lifesaver, Y/N.”

     “Don’t mention it.” You grab the book he needs from your bag and hands it to him. He accepts it and places it inside his while also clearing the rest of his things.

     Looking at his digital wristwatch wherein he raised his index finger up as if he figured something out of it, he says, “He’s going to dismiss the class in a few minutes. We should get ready for Cell Biology next period.

     Oh how you hated it. Were you jumping to conclusions? Or was this boy really trying to be too close with you? Or was he just being nice and informing you to prepare ahead?

     God, you did not give Peter Parker the right to cloud up your thoughts like this.

     “Thanks,” you say, “but I need to talk to Professor Lehnsherr after class. Have to, uh, consult him about my concept paper that he made us submit last week.”

     As he tidies his notebooks up and carelessly shoves it inside his backpack, he immediately looks back at you with a confused expression, “Oh, I can always wait for you–”

     “It’s fine, Peter. Thank you though.” Two of your hands were instinctively waving in front of you, a meek gesture for him to stop coddling you or whatever move he had been trying to make at you.

     “Are you sure? I–”

     And if you were ought to be saved further from lashing out over Peter’s incessant attempts, you finally heard the words any student was longing to hear. “Class dismissed. I’ll see you all on Monday.” 

     “Eri–err, Professor Lensherr just dismissed the class. Better catch up to him before he heads out,” you hurriedly said. And with a loud slam from your notebook, you quickly shut him out. In addition, you practically shoved every thing in front of you into your bag without sparing a second glance.

     One strap of your back was slung over your shoulder as you hurriedly flew down the aisle. Professor Lehnsherr was midway into packing his things before you interrupted and approached him.

     “Professor,” you call out. “I have a question. About the paper I handed in last week.”

     “Uhuh.” He faintly furrows his eyebrows, trying to hide his already obvious bewilderment. “I forgot which assignment was that, Ms. Y/L/N.”

     There were students still exiting in class. So you tried your best to make your conversation with him less suspicious. He was most likely doing the same. 

     “It was about the Chemistry-proposal thing.” You snapped your fingers a few times as you gathered your train of thought, but realizing it was not going effectively. “Well I just wanted to confirm it since, you know, I was hoping for any feedback from you throughout this week.”

     “I’m not sure if I have read it. I’ve certainly been busy this week,” he clarifies. “Nonetheless, we can talk about it later. Thank you for bringing it up. I’ll make sure to follow it up in my schedule, Ms. Y/N.”

     Both of you made your way out the door once there were only a minuscule amount of students left in class. You probably had been looking at your professor with gushing stares, but you doubt the other people in the room could notice it. They were farther away from where both of you stood, much less would they be able to hear what the two of your were talking about.

     “Oh thank you so much, sir!” You almost cried out and jumped in joy while reaching through the threshold. Moreover, you composed yourself before mumbling out, “I’ll see you later, Eric.” 

     In which you were certain no one would have heard it besides him.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　-: ✧ :-゜・．

     “I’m sure you’ll get a good grade in the exams, Y/N,” Eric leans back to his seat with a humble smile upon his face. 

     “Really? I doubt so, there’s a kid in your class that keeps bugging me out to a study date, or whatever you call it,” you sneer. You lick your lips as you finish taking a sip around the wine glass, setting it down and looking back at the man you were having dinner with. “It’s getting very annoying though, he surely knows how to get on my nerves.”

     “I’m sure he’s just trying to flirt with you, like any other college boys do.” He optimistically and maturely lays out the options. “It’s pretty normal for anyone to chase someone they are fond of, especially for young adults like you.”

     It was a pretty obvious sign that he was trying to let his message reach you. 

     “Well, I apologize for my standards of men,” you say. “I just want to skip the whole heartbreak in college and character development. All that stuff you usually see in a typical teen romance movie.”

     You sigh, looking down and saying, “I already found a man for me. Why would I stoop down for some guy who’s most likely wanting something from me, and dumping me once he got what he wanted.”

     “Y/N, I don’t blame you for liking men that’s ten years older than you,” Eric assures. “But I want you to realize that you still have a lot to look forward after graduating

     “And I look forward for you too!” You tried to not raise your voice, though having dinner in his house wouldn’t really catch anyones attention. “I can’t wait to finally graduate from second semester and be able to spend more time, publicly, with you.”

     “Yes, I understand, honey.” He places his hand over yours as he tries to calm you down. “Like I said, I just want you to make sure that you’ve clearly thought this through.”

      Eric adds, “There’s plenty of men out there. I don’t want to take away your opportunity of experiencing something new at such a young age.”

     “I’m turning twenty-four! I promise you I’m thinking everything through.” Your voice was much weaker than a few seconds ago. The evident tone of strength fades even with one glance from the man in front of you. You felt yourself shrink in your seat. But you were sure he does not intend to frighten you into compliance.

     “Sorry,” you pout. “Didn’t mean to raise my voice.”

     “I understand, and I won’t pressure you any more tonight, okay?” He tries to uplift your mood, detecting quickly the shift of the room’s atmosphere. “You deserve a good dinner tonight, like I promised, sweetie.”

     His smile made you calmer. It was then that you realized why you were attracted to a man like him even if he was still your teacher.

     The way he handles you in any given situation so sensibly. Though it may feels intimidating at first, he consequently tries to override the tone of the conversation which cheers you up.

     With one hand, he hold yours and gently draws it towards him at the same moment he leans his head down. Eric presses a kiss against the back of your hand and you butterflies immediately fill inside your stomach. “I love you.”

     “I love you too.” Every doubt you had entirely disappeared now. If there were hints of you hesitating to continue seeing Eric, they were certainly long gone now.

     “Let me drive you home after dinner,” he offers, like the gentleman he is.

     Eric always does make sure you get home safe. However, you both agreed that he drops you off at least a block away from your house. Just in case people around your neighborhood might catch you, or worse your parents.

     It was not like you were ashamed of your relationship with Eric. Cautious was the term.

     You were only a few months in seeing him. Fair enough, he was your second semester professor and the both of you met before that period.

     You were not only risking the wrath of your parents once they hear you’re dating an older man, let alone your Chemistry teacher. But you were also putting him at risk if ever his faculty finds out.

     Eventually, the two of you pack up and end your conversation. Other than talking about college, the two of you also talk more about yourselves which has progressed you into learning more about each other’s personalities and likes.

     He helps you out of his house and into the passenger seat of his car. It had been more than thrice wherein he drove you home, and the familiar scent of leather and the typical Glad air fresheners has clung onto your nose. You strap on your seatbelt on just as he was getting inside the driver’s side.

     The ride was not entirely dead silent. Eric made a few more small talks before finally turning a right which was where he usually drops you off. It amazes you how instantly he remembered the way to your home, as you instructed him the first time.

     “Thank you for tonight, like always, Eric.” 

     As always, you made your way out of his car prior to giving him a kiss. You only had to walk straight ahead, glancing at your home which had one dim light illuminating through one window.

     Upon entering the house, you figured your parents were already asleep and a hint of the living room lamp was present. Taking the benefit of not having to be interrogated by anyone, you rushed upstairs to your bedroom, turned on the lights, and immediately closed the door behind you with a sigh of relief. A smile was also visible after recalling your night with Eric.

     As you made your way towards your bed, a piece of paper lays obvious in the middle of it. Your sheets were flattened and tidied, so you could obviously detect when something is placed on top of it. You have no memory of leaving it early in the morning before you left too.

     When picking the paper up, you realized it was a piece of polaroid film. Its back was facing you, having no idea what to expect at the front.

     At that point, the smile from your face turned into horror and all the color in you basically drained away.

     The picture displayed you and Eric at one dinner night out from a few days ago, you still remember. It could have been anything but malicious, but the way his hand was intertwined with yours as both of you laugh away without worries. It was clear as day, the light shining perfectly at the both of you. Anyone can conclude what was happening in the picture.

     You did not know this day would come. The picture was taken from Eric’s home to prevent such things like this from happening. So it puzzled you just as much at it terrified you.

     This was definitely someone who had been stalking either one of you. It was not a mere instance like paparazzis who catch celebrities dating on the streets of New York.

     Someone definitely have been observing the two of you.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　-: ✧ :-゜・．

     Days have passed, a week almost. Examinations are scheduled for tomorrow. 

     And you prayed that the picture you received would be the only thing terrorizing your dreams. But you were completely wrong.

     From thereon, you started to receive more pictures, specifically one every morning and night, from your past hangouts with Eric. It were simple shots but had the power to completely jeopardize either one of you, mostly him at stake though.

     It was obvious that the person behind this was definitely observing the two of you for a while. Probably even during the most earliest weeks when your relationship with him started.

     Though it may seem unfair, you did not mention anything about it to Eric. It was enough the he was keeping with you, his job, and himself private – which clearly was not working out so well. You felt like it was your responsibility to handle this situation. You were so sure you did not try to publicize anything and kept it on the low.

      Nevertheless, it was out there. Eric had not mentioned anything so you assumed he did not receive a picture like you did.

     Currently, you were seated at the farthest row at the back of the room, somewhat near the corner. Physics was your last subject and you could not wait but finally leave.

     In addition, you texted Eric that you would not be seeing him until after the exams. It was an easy excuse not to see him, saying that you wanted to focus on studying for it; however, you knew that you would just be busy thinking about the creepy stalker gallery you have been receiving.

     “Hey.” Unsurprisingly, a familiar voice whispers next to you which disrupts your heavy train of thoughts. “You finished studying for tomorrow? I’m about to end my review with Chemistry later.”

     “Cool.” Probably the one of the most basic replies in the universe. “I haven’t finished studying, I’m kind of dealing with a lot of things recently.”

     You made sure to generalize your answer, but enough for him to sympathize and at least give you some space.

     “Oh, sorry to hear about that.” Peter frowns. He takes his seat a few desks away from your left, leaving you to continue thinking. You were thankful for his gesture too.

     Surprisingly enough the boy barely bothered you for the entire lecture. You were still engrossed on finding out whoever was stalking you, even so dating back to boys you evidently rejected during the first semester – who badmouthed you immediately afterwards. There were not a lot of names, so it was easy to remember who was who.

     You traced back to each boy and remembered what they said after you told them you were not ready to enter a relationship – a complete lie, you just did not want to deal with college fuck boys.

     Just as you expected from any of them, rumors have spread out about you which was mostly shaming you physically or mentally. Some were milder insults than the other yet at the end of the day you did not care.

     “Fuck,” you whisper to yourself. “Who was that boy at Liz’s party.”

     Your eyes were sealed shut, recalling a list of names while using your thumb and middle finger to massage your temples. It was getting frustrating and mentally exhausting.

     After some time, you had so much word filling in and our of your brain that you were not aware that your own name was being called. Your heart practically skipped a beat after hearing it the first time, assuming that you were being called to recite an answer. But you became content after seeing that it was just Peter, who started tapping your arm to get your attention.

     “Huh?” You lightly shake your head before turning your head aside.

     “Oh, class was dismissed a few minutes earlier than usual–”

     “Don’t forget to answer the assignment regarding thermodynamic concepts found it the book. You’ll hand it in immediately on Wednesday.” The professor addresses the class as they were already carrying their bags and themselves out the room.

     You start placing your stationeries inside yours, packing your other things up until it was only a pair of earphones and your phone left in front. Peter stood near the aisle while looking at you just as you were zipping your bag shut.

     “Oh shoot, I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he states out of nowhere causing you to furrow your eyebrows at him. “I forgot I still haven’t returned your Physics book I borrowed last week.”

     Nodding your head and standing up, you shrug it off. “It’s fine. You can return it tomorrow.”

     “Sure, but how will you do your Physics assignment?”

     Oh yeah. Your professor literally reminded the class a few seconds ago.

     “I think I might be able to do it overnight. How many pages is the task?”

     “Eight, or nine I think.” He frowns looking very guilty at you.

     “Shit,” you swore. That was a lot of pages than the usual assignments given.

     “Yeah, professor said it could help add points if you somehow get a bad grade at the tests.”

     “Never mind,” you tried to set his mistake aside. “I’ll try to do it within overnight tomorrow. I can ask for help from my friend tomorrow morning and–”

     “Wait! I realized you can stop by my apartment to get it.”

     “Oh–er, Peter, I don’t think I have time to–

     “It’s just nearby the campus, I promise,” he assures and adds, “it wouldn’t be a hassle, it’s probably on your way home anyway so it won’t make a difference.”

     “Uhm.” You were doubtful of him. 

     However, you did realize that you did not have anything to do after class. You were keeping distance with Eric for the meantime which meant that your schedule was mostly vacant after this.

     “Please,” he begs, “I feel so bad for keeping it the whole week. I swear it’s like a few blocks from here.”

     “Would it take more than twenty minutes?” You purse your lips, convincing yourself that you would rather force yourself to study at home than spend it at someone’s apartment.

     “I only take around ten minutes to walk so,” he answers. “Unless you’re a slow walker, of course.” The tone of his voice seeming to be joking.

     Again, he pleads. This kid will not fucking budge.

     “Fine,” you blurt out. Though, you realized your sudden-almost lash out moment at the boy that you made sure to reiterate it but slower, “I mean, sure. I can stop by your apartment to pick up my book.”

     An awaited smile and sense of agreement washes over you.

     Peter then leads the way as you walked behind him, maintaining a short distance so people would not throw out any suspicious looks. Like in every college, everyone knows just how fast gossips formulate and rumors spread.

     If you think about it though, it might avert anyone’s suspicion – mainly pertaining to your creepy stalker – with you and your Professor. But you were not prepared for that yet, maybe some time when you can finally think about its consequences through.

     True to his word, as the both of you exited the campus, it took a short time before the boy in front of you told that you were about to enter through the entrance to the building of his apartment. You were not so sure if it was really a momentary walk or because you were so focused on thinking and keeping a distance.

     At some points he did often look back in case you got lost from following him. Plus, like always, he asked you simple questions either about your day or your subjects to make small talk. In which case, you were barely answering him but definitely progressed compared to when he attempted for previous times during class.

     In addition, as the two of you walked down the block, the number of faces you could only assume was in college decreased. Meaning that the glares at you eased up.

     “Well, here’s my location.” A loud huff follows as he uses a key to unlock the door for the entrance to the building, “It wasn’t that far, was it?”

     “Yeah, I guess it wasn’t that far.” You agree as he holds the door for you and then walks right after you.

     As Peter leads you upstairs onto around the fourth level, he proceeds to walk along the corridors. The array of same beige colored doors with small golden indents of unit numbers paraded along it too. Eventually he stops and inserts a key into the lock, twisting it until hearing the unlocking sound.

     For a moment you hesitated to follow him. You just wanted your book and you were sure he can give it to you on a shorter span than your walk from campus to here. Was it that troublesome?

     Entering his complex, you discovered how minimalistic it looked. To be fair it seemed quite small, the living room instantly greeting you through the entrance and a kitchenette at the side. But since his things were tidied up, it looked roomy.

     You instinctively close the door behind you, slightly aware that it did not create a locking sound. Following Peter, you took a few more steps until you stood still at the passageway between his living room and entryway.

     “Do you want a drink?” Peter asks.

     “No thank you.” You were still trying to subtle. “I just want my Physics book, Peter. Please?”

     He looked at you and paused for a split second. You could feel the frown behind the expressionless look. “Yeah. Okay. Sure,” he nods for a few times before turning around and proceeding to a seemingly narrow hallway. “I’ll get it in my room. Be back in a second.”

     Your feet faintly paced back and forth, still where you stood a few meters between the entrance and living room. After a few more minutes, Peter emerges carrying the familiar book with one hand.

     He approaches you within a few stops but stops in his tracks, leaving a distance from you. “Well uh,” he starts as his chin was tucked.

     “I just want to tell you something before I hand you back your book.” He looks up at you with really pleading eyes. During other instances in university, you were definitely familiar with that look. However, this one probably ranked as one of the most downhearted ones. 

     You did not want to feel regretful for him. Though it definitely feels like you just kicked a puppy.

     “Was is it?”

     “I love you,” he blurts out as his face goes back from hiding and looking down.

     It seemed awkward. You were somewhat expecting it, but you were also hoping that this day would not come – or not at least until you graduate and leave the university.

     “Oh.” You honestly did not want to react.

     Were you going to say sorry? How about thank you? Would it be better if you said you did not like him back? Or will the best response be that you are already taken?

     “Peter, I–”

     “Are you really dating Eric?” He shots up with eyes appearing almost teary.

     What. The. Fuck.

     “No,” you mutter. It was not much of an answer to his question. It was more on being quite horrified as your mind started jumping to conclusions.

     The amount of things running around your mind right now was immeasurable.

     Firstly, anyone could make two and two out of what he said, especially knowing that no one knows it even so around your circle of friends.

     Secondly, you should have thought better. Your doubts with Peter should have been grater and you totally underestimated him. However, some part of you prayed that he was just an annoyingly awkward nerd who follows his friends regarding flirting tips.

     Lastly, you turned around and ran.

     You probably got your way with opening the door and taking two steps out. It was not long before you felt arms wrap around your waist and either side of your arms. You were then lifted and pulled behind while you tried to kick at the air as an escape. Did not work though.

     Peter was surprisingly stronger than you thought. He already seemed fairly muscular at class, hiding behind those long sleeved sweaters and flannels.

     Eventually the last thing you remember was the image of the door of his apartment open while you get sucked into the room further. Everything went black afterwards.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　-: ✧ :-゜・．

     When you felt that you were slowly restoring to consciousness, you were aware of the pounding at the back of your head and your arms.

     You tried to move your hands, wanting to press against the parts of your body that were aching. But you felt incapacitated as your wriggled your wrists around and felt an unfamiliar sticky fluid enveloping around them.

     “Glad you’re awake,” a voice says. “Does your head hurt?”

     You tried to open your eyes, the dark lighting of the room not cooperating with your vision. A light from the window and a lamp were the only things that helped you form something out of the void. 

     From there you saw Peter Parker sitting closely beside you at the edge of the bed.

     Hell please let this be a nightmare.

     “What–” You groan, “What do you want from me.”

     Your mind was building up your anger yet your body says otherwise. You felt exhausted and heavy.

     Peter shushed you in a caring manner, “We’ll talk when you feel better. I’ll let you get more rest okay, sweetie?”

     “Uhh.”

     That was what you could remember the most. If you have awoken for other times in between your sleep, then you surely did not have an idea of it.

     When you finally woke up, the level of your grogginess felt little to none already. You looked around and saw that the room was still dark and seemingly still nighttime.

     As your head was twisting from side to side, you saw Peter appear from the doorway carrying a translucent cup filled with water in one hand. “Hey, you’re finally awake.”

     Instead of replying to him, your wrists writhe beneath the fluid that you are still not familiar of. You could not really look up to get a good view of what it was, but it was wet, sticky, and felt like super glue.

     On the other hand, both your legs, ankles, and feet were free. The back of your thighs bounced against the bed as you struggled, but it would not do much since your arms were practically stuck.

     “Fuck,” you grumble.

     “That won’t help. You’re pretty much stuck there,” he says, Then he takes a seat at the edge of the bed, alike where you remembered him positioned from earlier, “Might as well talk to me until I let you go.”

     “Okay then, when will you let me go?” Your voice was calm hoping you could talk your way out of this mess. 

     “If you behave for me like a good girl, okay?”

     Shivers went up your spine as you cringed at his statement.

     Immediately, your mood shifts from calm to furious after hearing his disturbing bargain. Then purposely rolling your eyes for him to see. “How the hell will I behave if you’re a creepy stalker! You disgust me!”

     Peter hums, displaying a look wherein he seems like he was thinking. You were not sure if it was sarcastic or not, either way it annoyed the hell out of you. “Creepy stalker sounds overstated, it was more on being curious.”

     You scoff as well as exclaim, “You sent me photographs of me and Eric at his house! Fucking hell, Peter.”

     “Oh yeah that part.” He slyly pouts his lips to the side as he comes to realize what he had done, “I guess it was a bit creepy–”      “What do you mean a bit? That was invasion of privacy!”

     Despite being trapped, both your hands balled into a fist, feeling very furious at his dense answers. “I was living my own life! I kept my relationships to myself,” you cry out.

     “Yes, but you weren’t completely living your life,” he whispers while gently combing his hair through the front of your hair. “You deserve much more than someone who couldn’t proudly tell that you’re his girl. Is he even a man? Do you really enjoy that kind of life, sweetie?”

     “We were happy,” you weep. The evident crack on your voice was a signal that you were about to cry though you were not sure if it was because you were held hostage or because you were worried for Eric.

     No one would understand your situation with him right now. Especially Peter.

     “Trust me you weren’t,” he scoffs. “You deserve so much more, and I can give you that.”

     “I’d rather be alone forever than be with you, asshole!” Your voice was inconsistent, clearly affected by how fast Peter’s mood also shifts quickly.

     You also figured you were not looking entirely fresh while crumbling beneath him. Drops of tears and sweat were all over your face and neck, both your eyelids felt swollen, and your nose was almost stuffed.

     Peter stand from the edge of the bed and advances to his desk from the side. A harsh bang echoed throughout the room as your body twitched out of shock.

     “What does that dick have that I don’t?!” He grits his teeth as the curves of his jaw intensifies. A displeased look was written all over his face. 

     “P-please let me go.”

     “I need you to answer, sweetie. We going nowhere unless you answer!” He was never going to let you go if you were not going to cooperate. 

     Every step he takes closer back to the bed just increases your heart beat further. He had rolled the sleeves of his sweater up to the edge of his elbows and you felt threatened looking at how firm his arms looked.

     “Peter, p-please,” you hiccup.

     As Peter returns to the edge of the bed, he does not hesitate anymore to keep a distance. His hands hover to either sides over your body and sets the left side of his head on your midriff, laying while also getting a good view of your vulnerable state.

     He does not even look life he was struggling to make an effort to keep you down, but you could feel how heavy he was and was barely giving you a chance to move around.

     “I can give you so much more, Y/N.” The way his gaze directs at you was definitely one of the creepiest things you have experienced. He had so much emotions yet completely lacked sympathy for your state of mind.

     Shutting your eyes, you only cried further. You felt a hand cup one of your cheeks as its thumb wipes away the pouring tears. Like a broken record, you only pleaded more, “Please let me go.”

     “I can’t.”

     “Why.” You bawled, realizing he has no plans of releasing you anytime soon despite it. “I won’t tell anyone about this, I p-promise.”

     “I know that,” he says, “but you’re going to run back to Eric, probably tell him too, right?”

     You did not want to answer, merely shaking your head as you resisted a cry from your lips. It was somewhat what you had planned, but now you were just scared shitless.

     “You won’t tell anyone but him cause no one knows about it other than you two, right?” He corners your words. 

     “Eric would lose his job if someone, especially your parents find out, right?” Hell he was correct. He most likely had been stalking you for so long to find out about it.

“You love him so much, you wouldn’t want to hinde

     It was terrifying that someone had been learning about you and your life for a while without your awareness.

     “Please stop. What do you want... money?” you whimper. 

     Peter did not seem likes normal college boy; he does not think like one, too, for sure. Anyone with a right mind would not do something like what he did. No one would have the guts to do so.

     “I just want you, Y/N. I want to give you what you deserve,” Peter answers as he sits up and leans his face closer to yours. His mouth leaves a small gap from your right ear as he whispers, “Let me make you feel good.”

     “No–”

     He cuts off your plea with a proposition, “If you let me, I might consider letting you free.”

     “You want that, right? Want me to let you go...” His hand combs through the other side of your face, “just let me show you that I can do way better than him.”

     Every ounce of your blood was trying not to give in. You were smart, you ought to find a way out of this. However, you realized that it will not be enough. You already struggled so much from the super glue around your wrists and you could not imagine how much more would it take now that Peter was on top of you.

     Eventually you stopped struggling and let him be. There was no way out of this than to let him do what he pleases.

     You feel his lips press against your ear first and then progresses over your cheek. His grip around your arms loosen after detecting that you stopped struggling beneath him. You could feel him smile on your skin, “That’s it, relax for me. Good girl.”

     His hand reaches to undo your pants as his lips drifted on yours to force their way on making out with you. Another hand then presses under your jaw and throat. “P-Peter,” you choke, feeling lightheaded after being unable to breath properly though your mouth until the grip had loosen.

     “Sorry, babe.”

     He soon descends from your face to your neck and collar region. You were so sure he was leaving marks on you as you felt him suck and nibble against your  skin. Like a controlling asshole he was, you expect to see bruises on your skin by tomorrow.

     Despite having your hands fastened, he still moves your shirt upwards past your head. It halts and hands loosely around your arms as you emerge topless beneath the boy.

     “Fucking beautiful,” Peter compliments your body under his breath.

     Although he seemed to have time on his hands, he does not leave a second wasted. He also goes to haul your pants past your legs and ankles. The growing look of impatience on his face says it all.

     Peter moves from your side and welcomes himself between your legs. He spreads them out to have enough space for his body and you could not feel more embarrassed than this.

     You grit your teeth over each other as you felt him press fingers against your cunt. Instinctively, you clench around nothing as he continues to play with your entrance, making sure you get entirely soaked under his touch.

     “You know you shouldn’t hold back. I know you’re loving it so far, your body says otherwise,” he teases before laying on his stomach and moving his head closer to your pussy.

     Without a warning, he licks a strip of you making the back of your thighs quake lightly. Peter senses your reaction and continues to do so, using his tongue to play around and poke inside of you until you were slowly giving in without even realizing it.

     Just as you thought you were getting used to his actions, he then inserts fingers inside you, feeling your warmth around it as he pushes it in and out.

     “Oh,” you moan.

     He continues, making sure he also does not leave your bud of nerves behind. The tip of his fingers and tongue alternate on playing against it, making you throw back your head out of pleasure.

     “I bet he doesn’t please you like this,” he scoffs.

     Eventually, at your vulnerable state, you could already feel yourself closing to an orgasm. Your toes curled as your temples throbbed, sealing your eyes shut as you accepted on giving in.

     You bit onto your lower lip, trying to resist a moan. Somewhere inside you, you were still trying to fight back and not let Peter have the satisfaction he had been craving.

     “You’re being so tight... Just let it out.” He coaxes and you hate how you did what he told you so.

     The extensive grin on his face seemed priceless. He pulled back and you were aware that you seemed exhausted beneath him. You assumed he was done with whatever he wanted to do with you.

     But when he started to take off his sweater and unbutton his pants, you realized it was far from over.

     As he presents himself just as naked in front of you, he again welcomes himself between your legs. This time you get a better view of him and his muscles and abs. He gets a good view of your body too for sure as his hand reaches to start stroking his dick.

     He places one hand on your thigh and pushes it farther to give him more room. Finally, he inserts in inside you and you automatically felt him throbbing between.

     There was a growing heat between the both of you, and it only intensified as Peter started to thrust his hips forward and backwards. There was not even a rhythm from him as he moves harder after hearing you softly moan underneath.

     The slapping sound echoes through the room that would eventually reek of sex and you felt ashamed that your body was enjoying all of this.

     “Ah… ah… ahh… agh….”

     “You’re starting to enjoy this, aren’t you?” He brags as one hand was reaching for your breasts while the other holds your thigh up. “Fucking slut.”

     Your body and mind were tired and could only hold so much longer. It was not a surprise when your stomach started to churn your the muscles in your thighs were cramping up.

     Peter did no help after seeing you starting to wear out. He tried leaning in to make out with you and expect to moan into his mouth. You did for a moment, a combination of both your drools were streaming down from the corner of your mouth.

     “We’re making a mess, huh,” he mumbles. “But I know you’re already a dirty fucking girl.”

     He proceeds to deprave you with statements, “Can’t believe you’re enjoying my cock better than that old man’s... Such a fucking whore.”

     You twist your head aside, trying to hide the fact that you feel like your temperature were burning up. You were so sure he could feel the increasing warmth of your walls either way.

     Your eyes were rolling back as you resist arching your back, which was not really a success as the amount of pleasure was overwhelming.

     As you writhe beneath him, you felt a hand on your cheek. It pushes your head back onto looking at front and at Peter. “I want you t look at me when you’re going to cum, sweetie,” he orders and you could not do much anyways.

     The second time you came was a whole other level. You never felt this with any person you slept with so far, rather not this fast and intense to say. “That’s it, fuck, you’re tighter than I could ever imagine.”

     Peter continues until it was his time to cum. The bed continues to move along with his pace and your body was basically abused to his liking.

     And even if you were not aware of it, the boy was practically thankful that his agency decided to agree to soundproofing his whole apartment – his motive being for personal reasons, which they did not question any time soon.

     You were helpless, you knew that. All you had in mind now was rest. Your eyelids were heavy and your mind was drifting to slumber.

     The last thing you remember was Peter moving over your body to come all around your chest like a painter with its paint brush creating a masterpiece from your chest to your core.

     “I love you.”

a/n: ily pls leave comments <3

[eartht137]

FOR THE BETTER

Hello and greetings to anyone that gets to read this. It is my first story. I wanted to try and see how this was received before continuing so please feel free to let me know how you like it. Please be easy on me it is my first one I am new to this, but I hope you like it. Its a bit slow right now but I swear the chapters will get going as we go along on this ride together. Okay *curvies* love ya! Enjoy!

Dark Clark Kent x (Black)!Plus Size Reader

SUMMARY: (I suck at them but here goes) After working miserable unfulfilling jobs, you decide to go back to school to pursue your dream in writing. You get the very handsome, very smart Mr. Kent as your English/Literature Professor. You've always stayed to yourself preferring to have your alone time and focus on your writing. Mr. Kent comes in to shake that way of thinking up and its all with your best interest at heart (well his best interest at heart){Cheesy, am I right?}

"For the weekend's assignment. Something very simple, almost high school level. Don't complicate it." Mr. Kent said dragging his feet to tell you all what the stupid assignment was.

"Get to the point." You thought out loud as you rested your head in your hand. He glared at you for moment before continuing. You felt your face flush, because-'no way he heard me' you thought.

"I want you all to write me a paper on...one thing you like about yourself and why." He rushed out. "I want you all to be as genuine as possible, if you're going to be journalists you have to capture your audience. If you can sell yourself, then you can sell a story. If you're a snooze fest......I honestly don't know what to tell you" He chuckled

Everyone groaned because why???

"Due next Monday on the dot. NO EXCEPTIONS!" He belted. "If you don't have your paper on Monday, you will stand up and give a 5 minute speech on said topic."

'What kind of teenage topic is this?' You thought.

"Don't give me lip guys, you signed up for this. I didn't make you do anything." He said pointing at all of you. "No complaining. Monday! Class dismissed." He announced causing everyone to scatter. You were just about out the door when he stopped you.

"Y/n, can you stay back for bit?"

"Yeah sure." You immediately got nervous. You weren't used to being singled out, you always managed to stay below the radar. You'd figured out ways to stay out of sight out of mind after always being criticized by your family, so getting asked to stay back wasn't a normal thing. You braced yourself for the "you can do better speech" and hoped it wouldn't take too long. You watched as the room emptied and he gathered his stuff.

"Come on, lets step into my office." He said leading the way with his hands full. "Have a seat." he said motioning to the chair in front of his desk. you sat feeling butterflies in the pit of your stomach. Literally everyone would've given anything to be where you were. Mr. Kent was almost mythical. You didn't know a day where you didn't think 'DAMN that man know he fine!' And you knew he knew it.

"Bet you think I'm gonna talk about your grades." he chuckled. "While I do require your improvement,"

'Require?' you thought hoping your face didn't covey your attitude.

"I wanted to talk about something else."

"O-kay?"

"I've notice, you're very um...to yourself, is everything-"

'Oh there it is.'

"Mr. Kent, please don't analyze me. I am a whole different breed of human. I don't do people."

"I'm sorry?" he asked tilting his head.

"I just value my alone time. You can't have that with people."

"You can still have space with other people in your life." he said shaking his head at you.

"I didn't say space, I said alone time, and that's not the same. That's still with people. Like, no." you said crossing you arms.

He stared at your for a second, the he began to laugh, and rub his eyes. "You really are something."

"Mm-hmm its true."

"I'm just saying its healthy to get out and socialize every once and awhile, not all the time, I mean-don't you get lonely sometimes?

"No, not really. I mean don't give me wrong I'm human. I get the urge to hang out, then I do, then I remember why I didn't want to do it in the first place." you said realizing you were almost ranting. He eyed you as if he didn't believe you.

"I tell you what, I know you say you're fine, but for my sanity, can we be friends? You know just someone to check on you, make sure you're okay? If-if you hate it by the end of the week then I'll let it go."

"Mr. Kent, no offense, but why do you care? I mean, you have your own life, I'm sure you got a nice family you should be there for, so like....I'm gonna need a it all to make sense."

"Its mean, don't get me wrong I enjoy solitude too, and its not because I don't like people," he chuckled, "but I know what its like to sometimes need someone I could just talk to when I really needed it most and not having it. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Its funny because it would always lead me home."

"Well that's the difference between you and me, there is no going back." you sighed. You contemplated it 'It couldn't hurt could it?' "Okay."

"Okay?"

"We can be friends." you resigned.

"Great!" he said clapping his hands together.

"Only til the end of the week." You said standing stretching. "So we good? Can I go?"

"Actually, what are you doing tonight? I mean, my ma is cooking dinner and-"

"Okay anything food related, I'm down." You cut him off.

"Good, well I'll pick you up at 6?"

"Yeah sure." You said trying to get away.

"Uh, Y/n?"

"Yes?" You asked sweetly.

"I'm going to need your address." He said knowing you knew he needed it.

You gave you your information and booked it out of there. You immediately went home and took a nap. The whole ordeal was a bit draining for you.

It was your phones constant vibrating that woke you out of a deep sleep. You let it ring a few more times before picking it up.

"What?" You groaned into the phone.

"Y/n are ready? I'm like 15 minutes away." Mr. Kent asked.

"Ready for what?"

"Food?"

"Food? Food! Oh shit!" You said jumping up remembering dinner plans. "I'll be ready when you get here." You said quickly hanging up and rushing to get ready. By the time you felt you looked decent enough, he called and told he was there. When you walked out to meet him, you saw his girlfriend was with him and you put on a small smile. 'Of course he has a girlfriend, why wouldn't he. Still a bummer though, oh well.' you thought to yourself as you walked toward them.

"Y/n this is Lois, Lois this is Y/n. Lois is one of the top editors at the Daily Planet." He bragged, and you immediately got nervous. You'd read her work and you'd give to be as good, even better at writing.

"It really is nice to meet you, Clark speaks very highly of you and your writing." she said smiling.

"Really? I mean writing is my passion, I'm aspiring to get at least in the door. I'm not an editor or professor, but I think I'm okay." You said realizing you were babbling on because of your anxiety.

"Be confident in your work. It shows when you really mean what you're writing about. It also shows when you're doubting yourself." She said smiling at you. You immediately liked her and hoped to get to know her for advice sometime. You all got in and they fell into easy chatter along the way. Every now and again they'd touch on a topic you'd find interesting or be excited about, and you'd really get into it, smiling and being expressive. You'd catch Clark staring at you, a bit shocked at how much you had to say after months of being so quiet, and you'd retreat like a turtle back into your shell. You tried to not enjoy being around them, but every now and again, you liked talking to people on your level. Every now and again, you'd get lost in the breeze of the night air. You'd look out and get lost looking at the stars and the moon out of the open window of the moving car. You get so lost you forgot the other two people in the car and you'd miss the glances Clark took at you through the rearview mirror. When you all arrived at his moms farm you practically gawked at all the land around. You driven by open field and corn fields, you'd never actually gotten to see it up close.

As you all got out, his mom stepped out and waved at you.

"Well, looks like we got extra family tonight." she said smiling. You immediately felt a bit awkward. "Oh dear don't be shy, any friend of Clark is family." She said pulling you into a big hug.

"Thank you for having me Mrs. Kent." You said smiling.

"No go on now you just call me Martha." she said smiling and leading you inside. "You two come along, you know the routine." She said waving Lois and Clark inside. Dinner was great, you even found yourself laughing out loud. It exhilarated you and scared you to have such a good time around other people. You almost, ALMOST, didn't want the night to end, but you missed your bed. As if reading your mind, Clark announced it was time to leave.

"Looks like someone is ready for bed." He chuckled.

"Yep, I miss my solitude." You said stretching. Clark shook his head at you.

"What?" You asked innocently.

You said your final farewells and got in the car heading home. The ride home was peaceful, there was a calm silence between you three and you smiled watching the love exchanges between the two. You could see how much he loved her and you could understand why, Lois was beautiful woman. Your mind jumped from reasons you weren't in a relationship, to the assignment Clark had given you for the weekend. One thing you like about yourself? That topic was always hard for you and you couldn't even begin to find the words to start. Over the years you'd tried hard to accept yourself, love yourself, and be who you were unapologetically, but the moment you got to the threshold of truly giving yourself a chance, all of the criticism, judgment, and years of being invalidated filled you with fear and dread and you'd go back to your shell and do what you did best. Stay in your own bubble. Tears stung your eyes as you tried to stomp down the voices of doubt and resentment, 'It's okay, I'm good, I do what I have to and I'm happy with it. I'm at peace.' you thought to yourself over and over.

"You okay?" Clarks deep voice full of concerned pulled you from your thoughts and you shook you head to bring yourself back to reality.

"Yeah, just trying to stay awake." you said avoiding his gaze. The ride continued in silence and you couldn't help but drift off. One moment you were letting the ride soothe you to sleep and the next you heard a voice cooing you to sleep.

"Shh shh shh it's okay" Clark whispered. You couldn't help but cover your eyes. You were in Clark's arms as he carried you to the apartment.

"Woah," you said trying to get out of his arms. He gently placed you on your feet like a flower.

"Hey, its okay, calm down." He said gently rubbing your arms.

"S-sorry, I've just never-"

"Had anyone carry you before." He said finishing your sentence. You shifted feeling a bit awkward.

"Well, thanks for dinner. Thanks Lois!" You waved at her before going to your door. "Goodnight." you said one last time as you got inside. During the weekend you were extremely restless and was finding it hard to concentrate long enough to work on your assignment. Even when you sat waiting for words to form in your mind you eventually got busy doing something different. The night before class, you had an idea pop in your head, and you decided to go for it. You just hoped it would all make sense, it was the only think your mind focused on.

[slowly-writing]

Bullying

Natasha Romanoff x Teen!Reader

Word count: 2K

Requested by anon: Can you do an imagine where natashas daughter is being bullied and she finds out?

You have your hands shoved in your pockets, pulling your jacket down and allowing the hood to fall more into your face, blocking you from the harsh stares of your classmates. You should’ve expected your life to turn out like this. You knew what high school was like. Fitting in was the main priority and the mob of insecure students would swarm anything different.

You should’ve known that you’d be the number one target. The adopted teenager living with the most famous heroes in the world. It was dumb to think you’d be able to fly under the radar the way Peter had. The boy had comforted you those days leading up to your freshman year. Having just finished his own he told you that it would be fine. Boy was he wrong.

The freshman hall was far enough away from the sophomores that he never saw your torment, and over the last three years you learned how to make sure he never would. You wouldn’t let the boy who’d always been like an older brother to you get caught in the crossfire. He’d try to stick up for you and blow the only normal thing he had left. You’ve made it to junior year, you can make it the rest of the way.

You’re pulled out of your thoughts by a shoulder slamming into yours, sending you stumbling into the lockers.

“Watch it Annie!” A girl called over her shoulder and you frowned at the nickname. Ever since the kids found out you were adopted they started calling you Annie, after the orphan girl, and you hated it. Rather than saying anything you just quickened your pace and slipped into your first class.

“It’s fine that they call me that,” you mumble to yourself, “that way I don’t flinch at the sound of my own name being called. I’d never be able to hide that from Peter. Or Wanda. Especially not from mom.”

You try to rationalize everything as you settle into your desk, pretending not to see the kids pointing at you and laughing as you become the brunt of their joke.

xxxxx

You manage to ignore it for the most part. The words aren’t what hurt. Well they do, whoever said words will never hurt me obviously didn’t know what they were talking about. But that hurt you could cover with a fake smile and an excuse of being stressed over homework or some other thinly veiled excuse. The giant bruise forming on your forehead was harder to hide.

Some girl named Beverly decided it’d be funny to trip you at lunch, sending you head first into the table. Now you had a lovely purple mark and some swelling by your hairline. Thank god you left a beanie in your locker. It should be enough to cover the injury.

“Hey Romanoff!” The call of your name makes your head snap up in panic, you quickly pull on the hat as Peter makes his way towards you.

“Oh hey Pete, what brings you to my neck of the woods?” you ask, a genuine smile on your face for the first time today.

“I’m heading to the tower to do some work with Tony, wanna walk together?” his smile is wide as he asks, completely carefree, and you wish you could feel that way as well.

“Uh, yeah. Sounds good,” you try to sound casual. There’s no way to brush him off without being obvious. You’re waking the exact same route. Luckily the walk home is fairly uneventful. The assholes seem to be warded off by Peter. The late autumn heat has him in a tank top that shows off his arms, and while he’s not the buffest guy in the school, it’s obvious he can hold his own. If only they knew how strong he really was.

You see a few people staring, more like glaring, but you’re able to ignore them pretty easily. Soon enough the two of you are walking into the lobby of the tower incident free.

“I’m gonna head to the labs. You good from here?” Peter’s question feels heavy, almost as if he was intentionally trying to make you feel safer, but you brush the feeling off with a nod and a wave as you head to the elevator. You’re probably overthinking it. A few moments later you're in the common room and you let out a sigh of relief. Finally a safe place. No teasing here, or at least none with any malice behind it.

“Hey, y/n. How was school?” you look up to see Wanda on the couch and you immediately blush.

“Hey Wan, it was alright. How was...whatever it is you do here during the day?” you tease and she rolls her eyes, a matching blush painting her cheeks. Thank god the kids at school don’t know about this...whatever you have with Wanda. They’d tear you to shreds.

“I do online school and I work, thank you very much. I do important stuff here, ya know, like saving the world,” she’s glaring at you as she says it, but you can see something in her eyes. You can’t quite place it, friendship, something more? Whatever it is, it’s so different from the hate you see from the kids at school.

“A bit full of yourself, aren’t you? I feel like that’s all just fancy talk for free loading and laziness. You gotta get out there, get some dirt under your nails. You’re too spoiled, spending all this time in the tower,” you notice yourself leaning closer to her as you talk and your eyes involuntarily flash towards her lips as butterflies take over your stomach.

“And that uh…that fancy private school you spend your time in. That’s gotta be really...tough?” she tries to defend herself but her words come out weak as she inches ever so much closer. you ‘re about to close the gap when you hear a voice from the doorway.

“I thought I heard you come in. How was school?” The two of you spring apart at your mom’s voice.

“It was good,” you squeak out, adjusting your hat to cover your forehead.

“Yeah, learning a lot,” Wanda mumbles as your mom rolls her eyes. She’s well aware of the weird relationship you and Wanda have, and while she’d prefer you didn’t date until you’re well into your thirties she knows if you’re going to, then Wanda is a good choice.

“What’s with the beanie, love? It’s like eighty degrees out,” your mom’s questions has you panicking.

“I uh...like it. It’s cool,” you defend and Wanda rolls her eyes this time, back to her playful self from earlier.

“I’m sweating just looking at you. Let me help!” she teases and you see the red mist around her hands before you feel it.

“No!” you lunge at her, as if you’d be any match for her powers, but before you even reach her your hat is floating in the air and her eyes are wide.

“What the hell happened?” your mom’s voice is harsh and tears are already gathering in your eyes. You look frantically between your mom and Wanda, who seems to take the hint.

“I’ll give you two some space,” Wanda says before hastily leaving the room.

“Y/n, what happened?” she asks again, gentler this time but you still try to get out of it.

“It’s nothing-” the look in her eyes stops you. It’s the look she sent you when you would try to sneak candy after bedtime when you were little, but this time there’s a pain mixed in that you’re not used to seeing. “It’s just some kids at school. They like to pick on me. It’s really not that big of a deal.”

“How long has this been going on?” She looks...sad and it kind of scares you. That’s not an emotion you’re used to your mom having. Stoicness, yes especially when she’s working. Happiness, yes; more often since you came around your uncles tell you. Love, confidence, bravery, exasperation, even anger sometimes. But almost never sadness or pain and now she’s shown both of those in a matter of minutes.

“Mom,” you try again but she shakes her head, brushing the tears forming in her eyes.

“How long, love?” she asks again and you sigh.

“Since freshman year.” It’s her turn to sigh. Sitting next to you on the couch and pulling you into her side gently. It’s an odd mix of emotions, you can see on her face that she doesn’t know if she wants to cry or burn your school to the ground. You’re sure Wanda is getting a headache trying to sort through the many emotions coming from this room. You ignore that though. You leave the turmoil to everyone else for once as you finally relax, the weight of your secret finally off your shoulders.

“Friday, call Wanda and Peter in here please,” her voice is calm, and you don’t know if you should be scared.

“Mom? What are you-”

“I just want to talk to them,” she cuts you off, and you don’t have time to argue before the two are entering the room.

“Hey Miss Romanoff, Friday said you wanted to-Oh my god! What happened?” Peter yells as he sees the bruise maring your face, and Wanda is silent behind him as he processes the scene. Her eyes are red, almost like she’s been crying. Was she crying for you?

“By that reaction I’m guessing you didn’t know about this. Maximoff, are those tears of sympathy or fear for your life?” your mom snaps and you glare at her.

“I didn’t know, if that’s what you’re asking. I wouldn’t have sat by while she was being hurt,” there’s an anger behind Wanda’s words that you weren’t expecting. You didn’t think she’d cared this much. It makes sense, though, when you think about how you’d feel if the situation was reversed.

“As much as I wanna walk down to the school guns blazing, I can’t go beat up a bunch of kids, so I’m going to need the two of you to look out for her,” you scoff and stand from the couch at your mom’s words, crossing your arms across your chest.

“Excuse me, I’m right here. I’m not an invalid! And Wanda doesn’t even go to my school.”

“I’m well aware, you and I are starting training as soon as that heals,” she gestures to your forehead, “and Wanda will be enrolling in your school. Tony can have it all set up by tomorrow.”

“What? No! I’m not letting her start school just so she can get beaten up too!” you practically yell, but Wanda’s hand on your arm has you looking to her.

“I’m not letting my…” there’s a heavy pause, one that you know you’ll have to find the right word for soon, “friend get hurt when I could help. Plus, they quite literally can’t hurt me, and I want to be there for you.”

Her words have your resolve cracking, but you don’t want to give in that easy. “You’re a year older. You’ll be gone before me,” you try to argue and Wanda looks away, a blush of embarrassment on her cheeks.

“She also missed a lot of school in Sokovia. She tested in a grade below you,” your mom explains, and it clicks as to why Wanda always did school online. Well one of the reasons at least, she’d be two years older than her classmates.

“Well I could tutor you,” you offer quickly, not wanting Wanda to feel ashamed in front of you. “It seems like we’re gonna be spending most of our time together. Plus you’re miles smarter than me. You’ll be the one teaching me in no time.”

“Then it’s settled. This won’t happen again.” Your mom’s words feel more like a promise and you smile. “And I want the names of the girls that did this to you.”

“Mom! I thought you agreed no beating up kids!” you argue, a smile finding its way back on your face as you try to hold back a laugh.

“I’m not going to beat them up. But I never said anything about some light hacking,” she says with a wink and you roll your eyes, not entirely sure if she’s kidding or not.

tag list: @rvgrsbrns @rororo06 @prizmix-and-friends @worlds-in-words @im-salt-but-not-salty @5aftermidnight @riotmaximoff @xxxtwilightaxelxxx 

Marvel women tag list: @imnotasuperhero 

Natasha Romanoff tag list: @indiavance555

[rulerofstars]

i love your writings! but maybe we could have some angst??? like um.. levi had an argument with his s/o before an expedition over something and they made up after they came back to the walls?

Sunsets and Mishaps

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader

Genre: Angst, light fluff.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of blood, gore, deaths.

Word count: 2,600 words.

Angel: Thank you so much for requesting and for the kind words, anon! I enjoyed writing this one. <3

 The taste of the warm, strong tea eased the coldness caused by the chilly morning of an expedition. You have the habit of waking up early and being productive whenever there is one, just to calm yourself down and have a good start before heading outside the walls and encountering titans. Being out there could have two outcomes only, the first, you’d come back alive, and the second, you don’t. Every second spent before every venture is special to you, for no one will ever know what could happen next.

An assuring warmth from the rays that slipped through the window pain sent solace through the dubious mind that bothered your entire system. If the sunrise is this beautiful, then should you be looking forward for the day?

“You’re early, (Y/N)!” Moblit greeted, sitting next to you, and Hanji who has a bunch of different food in their hand sat across you. The latter, your best friend and squad leader had notable dark circles under their eyes, accompanied by the messy hair. Staying up late for experiments, again, you thought.

A piece of bread has been shoved in your hand as Sasha, one of your favorite cadets passed by your table and greeted you with a wink, you smiled at her.

“You are, too.” Hanji scoffed at your reply and glared at Moblit.

“He woke me up!”

“Of course, you told me to wake you up!”

“Not this early!”

“It’s your normal wake-up time! You’re just sleep-deprived, squad leader!”

Because of the noisy quarrel in front, you wanted to walk away and just sleep for a little bit more. These two never seem to hear each other even when they are millimeters close, they always shout!

The atmosphere of the mess hall transitioned from light to heavy when the intimidating aura of the elite squad entered the room. Their mere presence is enough to justify the reasons why they belong in the so called Special Operations Squad, and the number of titans they have obliterated is mind-blowing and you can’t help but to wonder, are they really human beings?

A familiar back profile made your heart flutter, his undercut makes you weak, and the way he held the tea cup as if he’s afraid to break it into pieces.

So he’s up early, too.

“Aren’t you going to kiss your lover?” Hanji asked, making you blush furiously. That question was so sudden!

Moblit immediately interfered, “Lovers don’t kiss all the time, Hanji-san!” He said, earning an approval from you.

Little by little, your whole squad appeared and occupied the empty spaces available. Your eyes occasionally dart onto Levi, who’s quietly listening to the conversation of his own squad and speaks every now and then. You wanted to go to him and spend the rest of your morning with him before you set off outside the walls, but you don’t want to interfere with his time for his squad. You are well-aware of your boundaries. How you should keep your feelings out of missions and focus on the objective. You and him had talked about this kind of matter ever since you’ve started dating.

And how you should keep your relationship as lowkey as possible.

Gentle yet meaningful habits pacified the yearning that burned for the both of you, the littlest things that you make, the slightest details that he considers, is what kept you sane. After all, it was you whom he would come home to.

But, you would not deny how much it irks you. . . to see him too close to another woman, yet not being able to do something to ease the slight pang of jealousy and pain.

“You okay?” Nifa asked, noticing the glint of uneasiness in your eyes, but you quickly shook the feelings away.

To make it believable, you forced a smile on your lips and answered your friend, “Of course!”

You hated how his certain squad mate looked at him the way you do, too. You are too aware of the woman’s feelings towards your lover, and you can’t help but to feel upset. How her small actions that meant something else find their way towards Levi, and how he does nothing about it, how he lets it happen, as if he’s giving her a chance.

Trust is one of the core foundations of your relationship, but you weren’t doubting your boyfriend, you are just. . . jealous. The two of you talked about how you should be open and tell each other everything you feel without any kind of hesitation. It was what made you strong as a couple- the thick line of communication never grew weary.

-----

Preparations weren’t that tedious an hour before the expedition because everything is already put together, thanks to Erwin. Everyone’s already in their uniforms, ODM gears have been checked, so no one is really having a hectic time, or so you thought.

The four corners of Levi’s office sealed every kind of noise from the outside, encaging you both with silence that is sometimes interrupted by the sound of papers shuffling. The captain sat on his chair, facing his desk, while he scanned a pile of paperworks to sign to. Thanks to Erwin.

You sat on the chair in front of his desk, sighing and arranging the scattered papers neatly.

“Levi. . .” You started, trying to gain his attention but to no avail, he did not even raise his head to look at you, but he did acknowledge you.

“Hm?”

Thoughts pervaded your mind, doubts about yourself and the matter that you would bring up to your lover. For once, you became hesitant of the things that you would tell him, but the way your jealousy permeated through the deepest part of your heart offered you no chance to analyze if this was the perfect timing, or not.

“Petra Ral. . .” His eyes focused on you since the mention of his certain squad mate, making you grow slightly more jealous of the girl, “Her actions. . . her actions towards you make me uncomfortable,” You looked at him and tried to read if any kind of emotion slipped through his steel grey eyes, but you found nothing but nonchalance.

“I’m jealous, Levi. I just want to tell you that.” You admitted, looking down and pressing your nails on your fingers. Agitation rushed through every vein of yours, you were nervous and you didn’t know why. Maybe for how her would react or what he would say.

He stopped what he’s doing and sat up straight, staring directly into your anxious eyes, “What do you want me to do?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know, tell her to stop? Tell her about us? About me?” You suggested, and your heart almost stopped when you caught the slightest glint of irritation in his eyes.

“I thought we’d keep it low-profile?” He asked, looking at the papers one more time before arranging it neatly and staring at you again, “We talked about this, (Y/N).” His austere voice sent shivers to every part of your body.

“This isn’t about us,” You muttered, looking down and avoiding his cold stares, “It’s about me, my feelings, Levi.”

A scoff flee from his mouth, making you feel like what you just said was so dumb that he could not stand it.

“You’re being unreasonable,” He spat your name like it was poison out of his lips, and you stared at him in shock. For a moment, words would not come out of your mouth. For a moment, you were frozen and you couldn’t believe what you just heard. For a moment, you were hurt.

You bit your lower lip, eyes furrowed as you stared back at him with the same intensity. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought we were supposed to tell each other things.” Sarcasm coated your voice like sugar on spice.

His fingers flew on his face, massaging his forehead, as if it was too bothersome and stressful to talk with you, “Stop being childish, (Y/N).”

“Then stop being insensitive!” You spat back, raising your voice. Your heart never beat this hard because of a different reason. The way pain and disappointment embraced you right now felt so wrong.

A sigh left his lips, as he pointed towards the door of his office. And you felt yourself drop, never have you ever had an argument so bad that he would resort to kicking you out, or parting ways without talking about it.

“I can’t deal with you right now. . . just leave.”

Tears pooled in your eyes like a puddle being filled by the chilly raindrops of a hail. He made you feel so petty. Your feelings were never invalidated, and you never thought that it would be him to make you feel like this.

-----

You gripped the end of the reins tightly as you waited for the commander’s signal to advance. Hanji questioned your puffy eyes the moment they saw you earlier, and you lied by saying that you accidentally fell asleep while waiting.

What irked you the most is the noise caused by the Elite squad and how they tease their woman to the captain. You wanted to combust so bad because you had no choice but to endure hearing them. Childish? Fine.

As Erwin shouted, you wasted no time waiting and you immediately followed Moblit, with Nifa behind you and your other squad members at the back. You rode your horse like there was no tomorrow, occasionally being told to slow down to not ruin the formation.

Once the big-ass trees greeted your sight, you shifted to your ODM gear and slaughtered every titan that came across your vision. How you are extremely offensive right now surprised your squad mates, because you were never like this before. It was as if you were angry, and hell you are.

You let your body get taken away by the emotions that overwhelmed your system, that you didn’t notice how far you got and how long you were fighting. But you did not seem to care, you were going to fight until Erwin decides to retreat. The good thing is, you knew how to conserve gas, Levi taught you himself.

Like a thunderbolt, a titan rushed towards you, jumping through the branches of trees, and catching you off guard, making a sharp piece of the wood graze the side of your cheek slightly. You hissed at the sting yet resumed slaying the titan.

Time passed by and you lost count of how many titans you have killed, the second to the last blade in your hand is now starting to get weary, and you badly wanted to kill the one in front of you. You advanced in full speed and positioned your blade in a way that it’d execute the titan in one slash, but an arm stopped you before you could cut.

“Stop it.”

Your body shook, not because you were tired, nor exhaustion is starting to creep up your body. But it was because you heard your lover’s voice. And you did not know why, or for what reason could your body react like this.

“It’s time to head back.” He whispered on your ear. His voice was nothing compared to his cold ones earlier, because this one. . . it’s warmer than the sunset.

You bit your lip, letting your emotions take over you once again and yanking your arm away from him just to get back to the formation all by yourself. Your squad mates nodded at you the moment they recognized your form, and you were greeted by the sight of several bodies of people who suffered the fate of being taken too early.

The entire way back to the walls was coaxed with the heat provided with the orange sunset. Gone was the coldness that bothered everyone in the morning, it was engulfed by the warmth that reminded you of how every expedition ends like. The only warmth that reminded you of losing someone important.

-----

On an open field is where you sat, where they had experiments with the boy- the titan shifter. Of course, you knew, you were there. In front of you was the sunset that would soon say goodbye and leave its remnants of purple and deep pink. And the scent of your favorite soap sent comfort in knowing that you are already home, freshly showered, with a piece of snack in your hand.

You felt your lover’s presence slowly approaching you, his heat was greater than anything else. But visions of what happened earlier repeated in your mind, causing you to walk away from him, away from the feelings.

“(Y/N).”

One word from him, and you halted. And you hated it.

Not a minute had passed and you found Levi in front of you, his brown jacket now discarded, and what protected him from the cold solstice was a thin long-sleeves that you used to steal from him. His hand caressed the wound on your cheek, lightly letting his fingers kiss the fresh cut, but your eyes continued to avoid his.

Because of the schedule and trainings, you were deprived of the chance to spend time together. And you would not deny that you miss it. How you would sneak into his office late at night and come back to you and your roommates’ room before dawn. How you would steal food from the mess hall and share it with him. Or the late-night walks that you have done with him, pretending that no one would see. And you were sure that someone did.

You were never a secret, but you were extremely private.

“Look at me.” He said, his hands still cupping both of your cheeks. You pouted, not wanting to look at him because you knew how frail you get when it comes to him.

Your eyes met his, and it felt like you haven’t for a while.

“Look at me,” He repeated, and you stare directly into his, letting him read the emotions you have felt earlier. You looked at him as if you were complaining to him about himself and his actions earlier. “I’m sorry.”

Your lips trembled. Cheeks flushed and puffed, lips pouting, while warm tears filled your eyes once again. And Levi kissed your tears away even before they could paint your pretty face.

“Don’t cry,” He whispers, gone was the harsh tone that he used on you earlier, gone was the Levi that made you feel invalidated and puerile, “Fuck! Don’t cry. I’m sorry, baby.”

Sultry kisses on your forehead, and how his voice burned in apologies saved you from the cold breeze that wanted to touch your skin. He held you so close to him that you could feel how fast his heart beats for you, muttering how sorry he is, how he told not just Petra but his whole squad about you, how much of an asshole he was.

“D-don’t do that again. . .” You sobbed, face still buried in the warmth of his chest while your hands gripped his shirt.

“I promise.” He responds immediately, wiping the sadness and pain you have felt for hours and replacing it with the fire that dwells within him; the fire that you both made.

You were beneath the moon, and tonight, it was more beautiful. It was your witness, along with the stars that smoldered like a fiery heat. And within the coolness of  the dusk had you both realized, that the once searing sunset has kissed you both goodbye.

[teddy06writes]

Gonna Fix It

requested by this anon: “hi!! could you maybe do something angsty and fluffy with Fundy (or anyone really) where the reader is a trans guy? he/him”  

Fundy x transmale!reader

trigger warnings: transphobes, homophobes, some swearing (I used the words tranny and fag) {I am both gay and technically trans please don’t come for me}

premise: When your dead name is leaked, along with photos of you pre transition the entire internet is quick to judge hypercritically, but your boyfriend is quick to take care of it

(y/n/n)- your nickname

(f/l/y/n)- first letter of your name

(y/d/n)- your deadname

“blep” talking

‘blep’ texting/messaging

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“(y/n/n)!”

“Yes Tommy?” You asked.

“How’d you feel about selling drugs?” 

You snorted, glancing up at your face cam and the messages in chat before turning your character to face Tommy’s, laughing, “What?” 

“Do you want to sell drugs with me and Wilbur?” He repeated. 

You blinked, moving your character to look at the van and then back at him, “Tommy, I would love to sell drugs out of a van with you.” 

“Yes! We have secured another one lets go! Pogchamp!” 

You chuckled as Wilbur joined vc, following Tommy’s character over to the van as he announced, “Gentleman! We have a problem, we need to find a better cover for our operations.” 

You looked around the inside of the van, filled with brewing stands and furnaces, “A hot dog van.” 

“Pfff- a hot dog van?” Tommy laughed. 

“It would be a decent cover.” Wilbur admitted, “We should do it.” 

Almost reluctantly Tommy nodded, and Wilbur moved on, “Next on the order of business, we need new recruits beside just (y/n).” 

You grinned, “I know just who to ask!” 

You started to leave vc when Tommy warned, “No Americans and no women.” 

“You got it.” 

You left vc, talking to your twitch chat as you messed around in discord, “Weird lot, them boys. Anyway- apparently I’m a drug dealer in Minecraft now! And I’m gonna recruit someone else!” 

After a few messages through discord your boyfriend called you, “Hello?” 

Upon hearing Floris’ voice chat started spamming about you being a simp.

“Yeah so Tommy and Wilbur kinda roped me into selling drugs on the smp and they told me to get more people, so I’m calling you.” You explained. 

“Angel why didn’t you just come ask me? Was the call necessary?” 

You rolled your eyes, “Shut up chat I’m not blushing! It was easier than getting up. Are you in or not?” 

“Yeah sure.” 

~~

Child: ‘(y/n) big man’

Child: ‘big (f/l/y/n)’ 

(y/n): ‘what do you want Tommy’

Child: ‘get on the server we’re making plans for our country’ 

You sighed, quickly moving to boot up Minecraft, starting stream along with it and quickly giving an intro before logging on to the smp and joining vc. 

“Ayyy! Big man!” Tommy yelled. 

“Tommy!” You responded, though significantly less enthusiastically. 

“(y/n) come to the hto dog van we’re making important decisions.” Wilbur said. 

“Okay.” You headed down the prime path toward the van, listening to the others chatter. 

“Okay so we need a name for our country,” Wilbur said as you arrived, “Something that fits. I am open to suggestions.” 

“Pog something.” Tommy offered.

“ehhhhh.” 

“Pogtopia!” He exclaimed. 

You punched his character, “That’s so stupid.” 

“Well- hmm, we’re all men here soooooooo Manburg!” WIlbur mused. 

“It needs to be more European.” Eret said, tossing you some of the block to start helping with the walls. 

“L’manburg.” You offered. 

Wilbur and Tommy burst out laughing, “Perfect!” 

“No Americans and no women! Just the way I like it!” Tommy yelled. 

Everyone began to laugh at that, and you grinned, entirely unaware of the chaos beginning to unfold all over twitter, and even in your twitch chat.

~~ Later that night you ended up flopped across the couch, Floris sending you a text from his office, ‘Don’t forget to take off the tibby prison angel’ ‘I’ll be done with this soon and we can cuddle’ 

You chuckled, dragging yourself up off the couch and shuffling off to the bathroom to change out of your binder, and pull on a different hoodie, a bigger one that you had stolen from Floris.

By the time you were done and had come back out into the living room Floris had also emerged from his office, and was staring in horror at his phone. 

“What’s wrong?” You asked. 

“You haven’t been on Twitter lately have you?” 

Immediately you were going for your phone, taking it off silence to be bombarded by notifications, “uhhhh.” 

Floris bit his lip, “I think you should read it for yourself.” 

Quietly you opened twitter, checking first the hashtag that appeared at the top of your mentions ‘#y/nisalie’ 

Your breath hitched as you opened the hashtag, immediately seeing the original tweet, ‘#y/nisalie y/n has been lying to all of us a thread: apparently this tranny didn’t have the guts to put out that “he” was lying’ 

You scrolled through the tweets, ‘Man, I can’t believe (y/d/n) thought (y/n) was a good fake name’, ‘well at least we know Fundy isn’t actually a fag’ and then worst of all, ‘Guys I found what (y/d/n) actually looks like!’ followed by a picture of you, pre transition. 

The world felt like it was caving in as you slowly sank down against the wall, tears starting to flow, “How did this happen?” 

Floris was quick to sit down next to your, pulling you into his arms, “I dunno angel.” 

You turned, sobbing into his shoulder, “Why are they like this? Wha- what am I gonna do?” 

“I’m gonna fix this,” He murmured, “I promise.” 

You curled further into his embrace, tears soaking his shirt as he rubbed circles into your back.

“It’s gonna be okay angel, it’s gonna be okay.” 

~~ You avoided the internet at all costs for the next few days, not streaming, not being active on twitter or any other socials, hardly ever leaving Floris’ embrace for more than a few minutes as more and more notifications filled your phone. 

It took a lot of coaxing from your boyfriend to check your twitter notifications after two days, and when you did you were delighted to see dozens of positive messages from real fans, and messages addressing the situation from all of your friends.

Eret: ‘dudes (y/n) is litterally trans, is you can’t deal with that then get out of this community; it’s seriously not okay to disrespect someone like that.’

Wilbur: ‘guys remember when I said trans rights and trans rights until I’m dead? Well that applies to (y/n) as well so piss off and stop bothering them’

Tommy: ‘listen up, serious tweet for once: you guys really need to learn how to recover someone and there pronouns, stop calling big man (y/n) by his dead name or get off the platform’

Along with countless others, and of course one from Floris as well, who had made a thread as soon as he saw what was going on:

‘Guys, listen. My boyfriend is the most wonderful human being in all the world. Whoever leaked his dead name or went looking for pictures of him before his transition is honestly a monster and I hope you realize the weight of your actions. Apparently we as a community have a few things to go over,

1: respect creators boundaries, if (y/n) didn’t want to tell you he wasn’t born male it’s not your business, 2: respect people’s pronouns, if someone tells you to use he/him they probably know if there right or not, 3: you can’t fucking invalidate someone like that, and put them on display as a fucking hashtag.

4: if anyone ever tries to talk about my boyfriend like this, (using the wrong pronouns, misgendering, using his dead name or in any other way invalidateing him) I will personally make sure you are never allowed on social media again’

You looked up from your phone, “Y- you got them to stop?”

Floris smiled, “I told you I was gonna fix it.”

[hopeless-ro-simptic]

Familiar Cerulean Eyes- Pt 19

Click Here for a full list of other parts! Part 20

Warnings: Angsty Shiggy, this gets a little fluffy. Next chapter is worse. 

Word Count: Just under 2k

I would like to say thank you so much to those of you who have been patiently waiting on me to update this story. I got really stuck on this chapter and wasn’t sure how I wanted to get from point A to point B but after for freaking ever it’s finally done. We are having a little bit of calm before the storm and I think this is a really cute idea. Getting to the end guys, things are going to be going down in just a few more chapters. Thank you so much for all the support on this! 

TAGLIST:   @superblyspeedydragon @jparra4587 @flyingowls @emrysaf @imuziawi @sheedaabee @peculiarinsomniac @littlelovebug98 @plutoneu @giftofwonder @kitty-kat-ash @fukyouthink @anarchys-bnha-mess @threbony @orenjineki @toobsessedsstuff @bamf-barnes @x-a-delama-x @inanabsentia @reallyshey @godsblesstheboi @drownedbytears @emilymikado @fluidfandoms  @mikasackrmann @bohica160 @andrastesbeard  @percabethismyotp14 @celestiallustre @moon-spirit-yue @hecatve @bakugoshrimp @vanillanjin @toshiuwuu @rxinbowrena @therealwalmartjesus @callmepopcorn @xxdumb-bitchxx @medicinalkiwis @kat-unzel @headfirst-halo @capricorn-nightmare @annie-daetris @skumtrash @totorotoni @kst-chernish @itsmysticalmystery @the-occasional-artist1125 @beautifulparisiangirl @stanzastic @helena-way07 @aurorahoneybuns @cth-l @nightlygiggless @filledasaf  @hailstorm888 @ozzy-bozzy @girrawr13 @hawkssnugget @dabilittleslut @over-grown-emo-kid @sasageyowrites @littledustyflame @h0wab0utw3d0ntd0that @thefirewasfriendly @babayaga67 @kiegosbby​ @foxes-and-arrows 

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“Sir we have eyes on the target.”

“How many times do I have to tell you coffee is not a target. It’s a beverage. You’re not funny.”

“N-No sir, I mean… S-shigaraki. I have eyes on Shigaraki.” The sidekick tried to whisper so not to alarm the surrounding civilians. They didn’t want to incite a panic.

“What?! Where?!” The hero screamed into the cellphone making the side kick wince and pull it from their ear, gaining a few glances.

“Electronics store, south side.” The side kick rattled off the address, there eyes glued to black hoodied figure, fear freezing them in place as they watched from the café across the street. What are the odds of locating the number 1 villain in Japan while just picking up the team’s morning coffee? The hero continued to rant and ask questions into the cellphone but the sidekick’s brain was numb, watching as the blue haired villain just, casually, wandered over to the electronic stores counter, setting down what looked like some controllers and cords for the new console that was out, and just…. Paid?

What the fuck.

“…Do you hear me? Do not engage, but do not lose him. We need to know where he goes.” The side kick zoned back in on the instructions that the hero was giving. Mentally kicking themselves. They were a professional. They needed to be calm.

“Yes sir. I will track the target…. What should I do about the coffee?”

“Are you kidding me? Screw the coffee!”

------------------------

You watched as Shigaraki walked into the bar, barely giving you an annoyed glare when you took a cautious sniff as he entered the room. He smelled just faintly of honey… and something else… but you left it alone, not wanting to incur the alpha’s wrath again after last time. Still, your brain questioned as to if that soft lingering scent was of an omega… and if so was it just a random one.. or the one that he had been hiding away from everyone else?

“Did Tomura just walk in? I don’t think I’ve ever seen him walk anywhere. I thought he was an invalid since Kurogiri is always just teleporting him wherever he wants to go.” Dabi’s voice made your lips raise in a smile, leaning back against him as he came up behind where you were sitting at the bar, a bowl of ramen in front of you, feeling yourself warm up as he slipped his arms around your waist leaning down and kissing the top of your head.

“He insisted I stay here in case of a raid. A split second could mean the difference between us all getting caught or getting away. We don’t have One for All to save us this time.” Kurogiri shut down the conversation with a pointed look. Clearly, he knew better than to gossip about the alpha behind his back. Or he was trying to keep something a secret.

It didn’t matter anyways, the conversation long forgotten as Toga burst into the room with Twice in tow, an excited look on her face. Her usually soft beta scent sharper and bubbling out around her.

“Twice had the best idea!”

“I really didn’t. I always have good ideas.” The two of them came to a stop in the middle of the room, Spinner looking up from his game that he was playing on the couch in the corner seeming almost interested in what the two had to say. Toga was practically bouncing in place as she looked from Twice to everyone else and back to Twice.

“Well tell them!”

“Toga it was stupid, I really don’t think they are going to agre-“

She interrupted him immediately her wide smile turning towards you.

“We should have a party!”

Dabi snorted and turned around, ignoring the smaller blonde, Kurogiri resumed cleaning up from cooking and even Spinner turned back to his game, checking out of the world again. Everyone else in the room was completely ignoring the blonde whose eyes were focused on yours so intently you couldn’t help but swallow. Even Twice was looking up at the ceiling like he was wishing he could be raptured into the heavens to escape the room.

“Toga… why would we have a party?” You tried to reason with her, shrinking back as she bounded over to you taking your hands between hers, her smile wide and toothy.

“To celebrate! Duh! We all need to have fun and relax.”

“But what are we celebrating?”

She paused for a second, a pout on her lips like she was suddenly upset about something before the pout disappeared completely and her smile was back.

“You two getting married of course!”

Dabi choked on his drink, and you could feel your cheeks growing redder by the second. Even Twice looked back to the two of you confusion written all over his face before it transformed into what could only be described as the joy of  a puppy.

“You’re getting married? How romantic! You should marry me instead.”  He slid up to Dabi wrapping an arm around his shoulder and waggling his eyebrows only for Dabi to push him off a frown on his face as he whirled to face Toga.

“What the hell are you talking about?” You couldn’t help but bristle at the annoyance that was in his tone. Sure Toga was being…. Toga, but he didn’t have to act like getting married was the worst thing he ever heard.

“You’re already bonded, now it’s time to make it official.”

“Bonding makes it official. No one gets married anymore other than rich assholes who want to show off and throw a big party.”

“My parents did..”

“Oh my bad, and dick heads who sell their kids to those rich assholes.”

An awkward silence filled the room as you closed your eyes pretending for a brief moment that he did not just say that. Maybe you imagined it.

“… Y/n?” Toga’s worried voice was soft, and you could smell it as the excitement in her scent was fading quickly, being replaced with a calming beta scent.

Nope, he definitely said that. Taking a deep breath as you steadied yourself before glaring over at Dabi who looked like he was beyond pissed at himself for even opening his mouth.

“Exactly how long have you two known each other?” Shigaraki’s voice spoke up from the doorway that he was watching from, his fingers dropping from his bond mark, it red and raw from previous scratching.

You couldn’t help but sigh in frustration, looking over to Dabi again to see he had his head against the counter of the bar, blocking the rest of them out as he ran his fingers through his hair. For someone who was supposed to be great at lying, he was messing up a lot lately. It was like he wasn’t even trying to hide things anymore.

“How long have I been here?” You shrugged looking back to your ramen and pulling some into your mouth to occupy it. Everyone knew that was a load of bullshit, but you weren’t about to be the one to spill Dabi’s all important secret.  

Toga was still looking at you with wide eyes. Eyes filled with pity but also with unbridled affection. You knew she didn’t have the greatest parent’s herself, no matter how much she tried to play it off and deny it. You knew everyone here had parental issues. You weren’t special. None of them were crying about it, and why should you?

Still, the look she was giving you made your throat burn and eyes prick. You pushed past it though and kept your face as neutral as you could. You barely even remembered what your parents looked like. What they did shouldn’t matter to you anymore.

“How long Dabi?”

“It doesn’t matter.” He grumbled against the counter, tapping it twice to signal Kurogiri to get him another drink. You agreed with his statement, it really shouldn’t matter to the rest of the league when the two of you met, or how long you had known each other, but you knew that Shigaraki would take it personally.

“I said how long!” Shigaraki was fuming now, angry that secrets were being kept from him from those who he was supposed to trust. His alpha ruffling up and itching to come out. How could he trust them if they wouldn’t even answer that simple question?

“How long have you known your omega? Huh? How long have you been sneaking out to see them risking us all getting caught?” Dabi whirled on him, getting up so fast that the bar stool tipped over making a loud crash that had you Toga and Twice all wincing, Kurogiri freezing completely. Even Spinner looked up from his game, slowly putting it down like he was ready to separate the two.

Shigaraki’s eyes immediately turned to you, but before he could even take a step towards you Dabi’s voice continued as he pushed himself between you and the angry alpha.

“She didn’t tell me. We all knew, we’ve all known since the first time you disappeared and came back smelling like fucking lilies.”

Shigaraki stopped, looking wildly around the room, his anger still apparent, his fingers itching for something to decay as he looked at all of the league’s members for confirmation.

Toga frowned at him before nodding, keeping her distance and letting out her best calming scent that she could, only for Shigaraki to snarl at her in annoyance, taking a step towards her.

“Stop with that fucking smell. It stinks. You think I need to be comforted like a fucking pup?”

“When you’re fucking acting like one, yea.” Twice stepped between Shigaraki and Toga and even Shigaraki looked genuinely surprised by the Beta’s act of defiance. Twice was never known to go against the alpha’s in the group, especially toe to toe with the dangerous leader himself.

“Tomura…” The smaller beta peeked her head out from behind Twice who was currently puffing his chest trying to look half as intimidating as the alpha in front of him. “None of us care if you have an omega, or if you want to keep them away from us. We know you just want to keep them safe.”

Shigaraki looked around again, noting the similar looks of slight annoyance and understanding before his eyes landed back onto Spinner, probably his closest friend in the league minus Kurogiri. Spinner only shrugged before speaking softly. “I just assumed you would tell us when you were ready. You know we wouldn’t hurt them.”

Tomura paused, his body relaxing slightly as he looked at the ground, almost like he was ashamed of something, his reaction maybe. It was silent for a moment or two before he finally glanced up at you and Dabi a grumble leaving his lips shoving his hands into his hoodie pocket with a shrug, the topic effectively dropped.

“So are we having a wedding or not?”

The groan that left Dabi’s lips had you pouting until he caught sight of the look on your face and caved, pulling you into him looking down at you, his face neurtral and lazy to everyone else but you knew better, you could see the adoration hiding in his cerulean eyes.

“Fine. If you want to throw a dumb party, we will throw a party. But I am absolutely not wearing a tux.”

You couldn’t lie… the thought of him in a tux had you absolutely giddy.

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Want to show your support? Buy me a coffee!

[sapphire-innit]

Saddest Beach Party Ever :(

Watch out for this one folks, it gets a bit dark -- mind the tags (though nothing outside of what you'd expect for.. this episode)

VOD: Tommy Is Left ALONE at his Exile Party with Dream (Start - 35:30)

(rp) I have Absolutely been putting off watching this one because I WILL cry and I am scared

I can't imagine what it was like to watch live and see NO ONE on the beach

He's keeping up a good face, adding more chairs... I'm not looking forward to it setting in.

like fuck man, fuck Dream for chasing of Ghostbur for MULTIPLE reasons but also because no one else even KNEW about the party :(

He's so excited about maybe seeing Tubbo I hate it Thanks

and now he's putting things down for Quackity and adding more things he's still so happy and excited (though you can occasionally see the mask break - there's a lot of nervous energy here)

"Where... no, well go place this" "why did Fundy leave the game" THANKS I HATE IT

Lazer and Fundy have been some of the people who have visited toooo :(

Tommy's face when no one is on the nether path.............. ouch

.............................................................................................

log off right now green demon

log off RIGHT NOW

just stewing in silence ..... painful....

cc!Tommy really is one of the best actors on the server, this hurts quite a bit

............

I know that's Dream joining the call and I hate it

fuck

"I'm running a little late, sorry :)" >:|

fuck, Tommy apologized and tossed his armor immediately INCLUDING HIS GIFT SHOES AND AXE, Dream didn't even ask

Dream of course taking the chance to be '''''''benevolent''''.... probably as a reward for Tommy doing it immediately and without prompting >:|

and ofc Dream just straight up lies about the invites to rub salt into the wound. Cant have Tommy thinking people CARE ABOUT HIM OR ANYTHING.

Even mentioned Tubbo SPECIFICALLY YOU BASTARD "in L'manburg" was that truly necessary bastard

the sun setting... a symbol of hope... the symbol of their friendship.... disappearing into the ocean... I hate it :(

Dream pushing him into eating the cake.. "I've lost my appetite"

just digging in that Tubbo For Sure got the Invite Definitely and no one came except Dream.

"I didn't mind being a little bit late because I thought everyone else would be here" why did he keep pointing out he was late, kept hammering that point home. Like even Dreams attention is not important to Dream? like it has to be earned maybe ..?

"No one cares about me anymore" "that's not true" *BREAKS CAKE* "None of them care about me anymore"

IS HE BREAKING THE PATH OHNOOO ;-;

"No one cares... other than You(Derogatory)"

"Maybe they had something more important" I hate how Dream hides his digs behind sounding consoling it fucking SUCKS

I hate how depressed he sounds, how resigned

....threw away the chicken, and he isn't eating or healing. I knew to watch out for it but its never been this pronounced before. He's down to three hearts ;-;

"I'm pretty sure he burned it, or lost it" I do not believe that for a SECOND Dream, or at least its not as clear cut as it seems. Tubbo CARES ABOUT TOMMY, I *JUST SAW* a clip of him holding the compass aaaaa

ohno

"at least SOMEONE on this entire 30 person server got an invite" "He said he was going to give it to at least 13 people, and at least one person I saw give it in person"

ohno

ohnooooooooooo

he really is gonna toss the compass isn't he nooooooooo

...............

staring into the lava again. "he burned it. On purpose"

Dream quibbling ... but doubling down i hate it

.......its just... so clear he's not only thinking about the compass in lava

Dream shooting at the Ghast,,, telling Tommy to sleep on it, coaxing him back from the edge "almost fell off, careful Tommy" I hate it here

"I don't sleep anymore Dream" "I just want to go home" "Please can I go home" he sounds so broken ;A;

"why can't I stay" :( :( :(

"It's not like they want you anyway Tommy. No one showed up to your party and everyone was invited" And THIS is why Dream tanked the party on purpose. Because if Tommy thinks no one even wants him, he won't even try to get back, and will just stay under Dreams control. There's such a mental and emotional difference and toll from "Outside forces (Dream) are keeping me from going home and maybe I can subvert or change them" and "Home doesn't want me and they're better off without me"

It truly is creepy how Dream is trying to coax him with the Christmas tree, like he's trying to pull this balancing act because he can tell Tommy is on the edge of really giving up and I hate it so much

He still hasn't eaten

"c'monn you want to see the Christmas tree :)" overwriting his feelings as well ugh

"I'm sure if you asked them, they'd say they care about you" I see you invalidating any future concern someone might show him

ALSO TOMMY CALLING EXILE HOME IS SURE SOMETHING

.....him asking Dream to defend him is... painful. Especially having just watched the latest stream where he asked the same of Tubbo right after being triggered as hell ugh. He really has gotten used to being made helpless and depending on Dream, even on the one day he didn't get his armor and weapons taken away from him. He sounds so resigned :(

(( LOL OK THE DNF JOKE WAS PRETTY FUNNY THO))

he's bribing him with the trident and I hate it. Though at least hes enjoying it??? Mixed feelings on that. He ate too and I hate that Dreams honeymoon stage is w o r k i n g )

that is the most sincere I have ever heard Tommy say Dream cares about him and it FUCKING SUCKS

I know we never could have had "Happy Party AU" because Dream never would have allowed people to come and validate Tommy but man Trident tricks w everyone would have been nice

...lol someone pointed out the red looks like blood. the fake girlfriend bits are so Weird

Dream what do you GET out of this, why are you so OBSESSED. He spends so much time here

"I wont bring it up with them because that would be awkward" oof and I bet he won't believe it if anyone says they didn't get the invite will he oof

.. He pulls out the Axe but lets dream actually kill the skeleton, he already put it away before Dream even got on screen how many times do i have to say THANKS I HATE IT HERE before it becomes meaningless

So this was around the point (or maybe a little bit later, but talking about this point) during dsmp where I started seeing it cross my dash without any context and saw a lot of takes about "oh but they didn't get the invite" and I had NO IDEA why Tommy was so upset about what was clearly a misunderstanding or why he was making it such a big deal.... well I get it now

Tommy really really isn't in a place where he can believe someone when they say they didn't get an invite. And it Really Truly WAS a big deal and actually I'm 100% on Tommy's side on this issue now (though I also don't blame the other characters for this: See Big Green Bastard Man who is truly at fault) I can understand completely why he throws it in their face later though

He's doubting if he wants to go back now.. that was exactly the point of it all :(

"Thanks for letting me keep my armor today btw" I hate how sincere Tommy is about this. I hate how Dream has so effectively done this, where Tommy sees it as a FAVOR that Dream doesn't come and blow up all of his things and hard work and THANKS him for it.

People much smarter than me have pointed out how 1:1 this is to real abusive relationships and how well its portrayed. I don't have anything clever or insightful to say here I guess, just that its exhausting and heavy to watch (but also really powerful as well, because we DON'T see shit like this played this realistically, or in this much accurate detail)

I just want Tommy to be out of here safely and realize what is being done to him is WRONG and not his fault and be given a chance to actually heal. I know the likelihood of that in the future, considering whats to come, is also. complicated to say the least.

[franniebanana]

CQL Rewatch - Ep 21

Note: I will be critical of Jiang Cheng in these posts. If you can’t handle that, please feel free to scroll on.

I really like this hug. I mean, if you've been reading these from the beginning, you know how much I love wangxian, but I'm really glad that Wei Ying's first actual hug after returning from the Burial Mounds is with Jiang Yanli. I'm not counting the hug with Jiang Cheng, because Wei Ying didn't hug him back. That hug was thrust upon him and he did not reciprocate. This reunion is very sweet, and tear-filled, and if I hadn't been up since 3 am, I might be feeling enough to shed a tear, myself. That being said, it's hilarious how they keep showing Jiang Cheng in the middle, looking awkward as he tries to balance joy and sadness. I get what the director had in mind, but it just looks weird lol.

But this part is also super sad, because Wei Ying again makes a promise he can't keep: that the three of them will be together forever. Now, I realize that if you hadn't read the novel or weren't familiar with the story, you should already know from the first two episodes that things do not turn out well for the three of them. However, if you're like me and have the memory of a goldfish, you probably didn't realize who everyone was in the first two episodes and even if you did, you've already forgotten long ago that Jiang Cheng was pissy and angry around Wei Wuxian and that Wei Wuxian's inner monologue reveals to us that JIang Yanli is dead. All that being said, his line about staying together forever hits a lot differently when you're very aware of how the story turns out, because Jiang Yanli dies, Jiang Cheng grows to hate Wei Wuxian more and more every day, and Wei Wuxian, of course, defects to save the Wens from slaughter. I think "let's stay together forever" is something you say and mean, but something that you know can't ever truly be. I think Jiang Yanli is old and wise enough to know that she will eventually marry and leave Lotus Pier, even though she will resist it for a while. The rest is uncertain, but I think at this point, Wei Wuxian really does believe and want to stay with the Yunmeng siblings and to stay at Jiang Cheng's side as he leads the Yunmeng Jiang Sect.

I will never not be heartbroken by this scene--even knowing how everything turns out--by how Lan Wangji looks at Wei Wuxian, how if things had been different in Yiling, he would have gone into that room and greeted him, how Wei Wuxian would have smiled at him and beckoned him inside, how they would have sat and Wei Wuxian would have talked Lan Wangji's ear off, like old friends. It's just so upsetting to me, and I can't ever shake that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know what happens, but these two episodes, until they reconcile, really get to me. It's a horrible feeling when you want to help someone, but they don't see it as helping, and they only get upset with you. I deal with that on an almost daily basis, and I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone. I really identify with Lan Wangji here, and I think that's why I get such a visceral reaction to seeing him like this.

I don't know if I've said this, but Lan Wangji is my favorite character in CQL and in every adaptation of this story. He is kind of my perfect character--he checks off all the boxes: one-sided love, pining, standing by the main character no matter what, practically abandoning his own family for the person he loves. I love that he has an almost child-like innocence, but he's still very wise; he's smart; he's strong; he has a strict moral code and he sticks to it without fail, even if it means going against his friends and family; he's a loner, but he loves deeply. When I first started watching the donghua and reading the novel, I liked Wei Wuxian the best, and he's still my second favorite character, but Lan Wangji has stolen my heart.

Of course, Wei Wuxian goes to this awkward dinner party, after spending three months around ghosts (and then killing a shit-ton of Wen soldiers), and all he can think about is that empty seat behind him, the one where Lan Wangji should be sitting. It's interesting how the Yunmeng siblings each react: Jiang Yanli starts to become concerned and commits it to memory. She's probably wondering why Lan Wangji isn't there, and then seeing how Wei Wuxian wistfully stares at the empty seat, she finds it even more unsettling. Jiang Cheng just seems embarrassed by Wei Wuxian here and his motivation is to get Wei Wuxian back on track so he doesn't make fools of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect in front of the other leaders. He obviously knows what happened between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, and I don't think he's bothered by it at all. He doesn't seem to care whether they're friends or not, and I'd say that even at this point, he'd prefer if Lan Wangji stayed out of Wei Wuxian's life altogether. He knows how close they were, and I think he also knows that Wei Wuxian would choose Lan Wangji over him if given that ultimatum. With Lan Wangji out of the picture, Jiang Cheng gets to maintain more control over Wei Wuxian than he otherwise would. Even later on at Lotus Pier, he wants Wei Wuxian around, helping him, being his right-hand man. He doesn't want him wandering around the city or galavanting off with other cultivators. Granted Wei Wuxian was drinking at the time, but I don't think that invalidates my point that Jiang Cheng wants Wei Wuxian to stay in line and stay at his side where he can control him. You know, because he sees the relationship (as Wei Wuxian suggested) as the same as their two fathers: where Wei Wuxian is in a subservient role to Jiang Cheng. Mind you, that's different from seeing him as a brother, and I think, while there's some of that mixed into his other feelings, it's a very small portion.

No screenshot, but the following scene, after Wei Wuxian leaves the dinner party, Jiang Cheng follows him out. And even here, he asks what's wrong--asks if he's upset because of Lan Wangji--but then scoffs at how that could really be what's bothering him. He says something like, "Why did you come here just to be disliked by him?" I think while he gets that they have a close bond, he doesn't really understand the depth of the relationship. He's jealous of Lan Wangji, but doesn't fully understand why. Ultimately, I think Jiang Cheng, because of his parents and the way he was raised, really doesn't understand what it's like to have a good relationship with anyone. And this ignorance isn't his fault--he's a product of his parents and surroundings, and no one, including himself, has ever tried to fix this. So, without being able to really understand how relationships work, he scoffs at how Wei Wuxian could still be upset over what happened with Lan Wangji. Jiang Cheng essentially gave Wei Wuxian what he wanted in that moment, which was unconditional support to carry out his revenge, and yet Wei Wuxian is hung up on Lan Wangji not being supportive there, and in fact being in opposition to him. Jiang Cheng doesn't even really have friends, so he thinks Wei Wuxian should just get over Lan Wangji and move on with his life, but it's not that simple. Lan Wangji isn't just an acquaintance, he's not just someone that Wei Wuxian partnered up with to fight a battle or carry out a mission--he's a soulmate, a kindred spirit (if you want to go down a less romantic route).

I rarely can say anything bad about Jiang Yanli (except how she's almost always making soup), and here's another example: Chenqing. She's so far the only one who supports Wei Wuxian having a first class spiritual tool. She immediately shows interest in the flute, even encourages him to give it a name. Lan Wangji immediately sees the flute as something bad, while she's completely supportive. And this is really what Wei Wuxian needs right now, and I love her for being there. She's also about the only person he will genuinely smile around. He gives everyone else forced or fake smiles, but not Yanli. At this moment, I think he only wants to be with her, and I can't really blame him when everyone else is either opposing him or just wanting something out of him. She really is coming from a place of sympathy and comfort that's different from how the others are handling things. Lan Wangji wants to help, yes, but he tries to force it.

Imagine being in this room, listening to Jin Zixun (I'm not even sure if that's his name lol) trash talk Wei Wuxian, wanting to say something in his defense, but being unable to, not just because it's not your place to do so, but also because you're not even sure if you can defend him anymore. I think Jiang Cheng is struggling with the same. He stands up to Jin Zixun, finally getting him to shut up by saying that it's a domestic affair for the Jiang Clan and none of his fucking business, but Jiang Cheng also struggles to find excuses for Wei Wuxian. And that would certainly be difficult, because Wei Wuxian is somewhat like a stranger now. He's similar, but he's not the same Wei Wuxian that Jiang Cheng grew up with. He's really a shadow of his former self. But Lan Wangji has the added bonus of not being able to speak on his behalf because he's not even in the same clan--who is he to defend Wei Wuxian? He can't even stand with the others at the table (can't or won't, I'm not sure), so he certainly can't speak to Wei Wuxian's honor in front of all the other leaders. I'm sure the conversation back in Yiling is still running through his mind: this is a Jiang Clan affair--and to have that repeated again to someone else. That very much puts Lan Wangji in the "other" position. He's not in Wei Wuxian's clan, therefore, it's none of his business. He should care about him. He shouldn't try to protect him. He shouldn't try to guide him. But the problem is he still cares deeply about Wei Wuxian, and he wants to help him and protect him and guide him.

These scenes are always hard to watch for me (thank god for the special edition cut). It's really hard to watch the clans doing to the Wens what the Wens have done to the other clans. As if war wasn't already terrible enough, you also have what happens to the prisoners of war. In this case, Wen Qing's sect are all healers and have little to do with the war that the rest of the Wen Clan was waging on the other cultivation clans. However, they are still treated as enemies and imprisoned. It's difficult to watch the other clans, who you want to root for, making the same mistakes and transgressions as the Wens, who we are supposed to look at as the proper enemies in the story.

As we've seen a few times in this episode already, Wei Wuxian is having trouble controlling all the negative energy that's surging through him and the Yin iron, and on some of those occasions, he's touched his old wound. As he does this here, everyone looks at him, but he just looks at Lan Wangji. This is the person he cares most about in this room, the person whose heart his closest to his. I have nothing profound to say--I just like it.

And of course Lan Wangji looks right back at him. He knows Wei Wuxian best, even better than his own "brother", Jiang Cheng. He knows what happened in Xuanwu Cave, he saw the effect the sword had on him. I feel like each time they exchange glances, they are both crying out to each other, but Wei Wuxian is too stubborn to ask for help and Lan Wangji doesn't want to force the issue and strain their relationship further.

The way Lan Wangji hesitates here before saying, "I don't know," kills me. To him, it's just further proof of how Wei Wuxian is getting farther and farther from him, how the chasm between them just keeps growing. He's upset here. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to force Wei Wuxian to do anything--that's against his clan rules, but more importantly, against his own ethics--yet he doesn't want to stand by and do nothing while his friend destroys himself. I think we see Lan Wangji as a character who always knows what to do, someone who always knows the right path, but here we see how that's not true at all. This is a man who is very smart, very clever, but who is also unsure of himself. He's struggling with what's right and wrong. And he consults his brother here, hoping to get a clear answer, so that he'll know what to do next, but he gets nothing of the sort.

It would have been easier for Lan Wangji if his brother has simply said, "Wei Wuxian is wrong and an enemy," but of course he's more wise than that. Nothing is black and whit, and humans cannot be judged for what's on the surface. You have to look deep inside a person, know their intentions, and then you can judge if they are doing what's right or wrong. The problem is Lan Wangji doesn't know Wei Wuxian's intentions. Months ago, he know Wei Wuxian wanted to defend the weak, protect people who couldn't protect themselves, and live by such a just moral code. But now Wei Wuxian seems like a stranger, has murdered many, many people, and has taken cruel revenge upon Wen Chao and Wang Lingjao.

What I've noticed in this episode is that Wei Wuxian will look at Lan Wangji, but he always averts his eyes fairly quickly. It's as if he's afraid if they make eye contact for too long, he'll be letting Lan Wangji in, which he does not want to do under any circumstances. Letting Lan Wangji in means admitting what's going on as well as opening up Lan Wangji to danger. Wei Wuxian does not want anyone else getting hurt or dying because of him, so it's better to reject everyone and focus on his own clan.

Honey, I'd walk away too. It's hard to tell if Lan Wangji is about to cry or about to punch Wei Wuxian in the mouth--either one would have been excellent, but I'm leaning towards the latter. Lan Wangji had to answer Jiang Yanli. She met him by chance, but it was she who initiated the conversation. Of course, angst rules being what they are, we had to have a misunderstanding a la Wei Wuxian walking into the conversation midway and making the asinine assumption that Lan Wangji was just breaking his confidence by telling her EVERYTHING. Of course, anyone who knows Lan Wangji knows he'd never do such a thing. But when Wei Wuxian's shijie comes to him, voicing her concern and asking about him, he has no choice but to empathize with her and tell her what he knows.

I really like this little exchange. Reliving the fight on the rooftop, before they were acquainted, before they were friends--before Lan Wangji fell for him. This time when he attacks, it's not about malice, it's not about breaking the rules and bringing liquor into the Cloud Recesses--it's a man, looking at the one he loves, scared out of his mind, worried that that man is going to destroy his mind and body, using a taboo cultivation method. This fight is a love letter, as far as I'm concerned. It's an act of desperation.

Also I fucking love that around four or five people have asked Wei Wuxian where Suibian is, and each time he makes up a lie: he forgot it, he isn't in the mood, he didn't bother to bring it. But when Lan Wangji asks him, he doesn't respond. He doesn't lie, he doesn't laugh it off--whatever he does, Lan Wangji will know that he's lying, and Wei Wuxian knows that.

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | Or just check out the #CQL Rewatch hashtag

[ssa-sugar-tits]

queen of hearts // chapter four

summary: y/n y/l/n was crushed when she found out about maeve donovan. heartbroken, she left her entire life behind. what happens when she becomes the most prolific serial killer the bau has ever seen?

prologue + series masterlist & taglist

content warnings: swearing, angst, implied/mentioned sex, restraints, blood, head injury, kidnap/hostage, alcohol, gunshot, murder

a/n: reader is a psychotic murderer. this is purely a work of fiction and if you or someone you know are experiencing homicidal urges, seek professional help immediately.

-

The room was filled with tension and an overwhelming sense of despair but no one said a word. No more hellish arguing, no irritatingly random facts, not even discussion to solve the case. Everyone worked on their angle of the case and despite the fact that no one would dare admit it, they all somewhat hoped that Y/N wouldn't be caught. Some hoped more than others but deep down they all felt a twinge of it. JJ walked into the room and spoke, startling the team and ripping them away from their thoughts and guilt.

"I've given a picture of her to the media, it's being circulated."

It pained her-- almost physically-- to have to hand over a picture of someone who'd been like family for so many goddamn years. She felt that she was betraying Y/N and that made her feel indescribably horrible.

"Now what? We just wait?" Morgan seemed to be the only one that really did want to stop her. Maybe he was angry that he hadn't seen the signs. Maybe he was angry that his best friend had just... left. Maybe he was angry that she lost herself so much. Maybe he blamed himself.

"What else is there to do Derek? Call me bad at my job- Hell, call all of us bad at our jobs but we can't profile her. Admit it, we're all biased. Too biased to think straight but there's no way we can give this case to another unit." Emily had always been so close to Y/N and was able to open up to her. Something she couldn't bring herself to do with most people. But you weren't most people, were you? Even with what Y/N could be doing, Emily doesn't have it in her to hate her. The sadness she was feeling must have shown because JJ squeezed Emily's hand and gave her a weak smile. And for the millionth fucking time, everyone stayed silent. Not even Spencer was saying anything and he is not the type to stay quiet this long. Believe it or not, that was actually one of the things Y/N had loved about him. Everyone rolled their eyes or cut him off but she loved to listen to him ramble. To everyone's surprise, she was always genuinely interested in what he had to say and that was one of the first things that made him fall in love with her. She never invalidated him or called him strange. Sometimes when she had a nightmare or experienced anxiety she'd even ask him talk to her about a random topic so she could focus on his voice until she calmed down. 

"Your voice is like... honey. In my ears." Spencer wanted to scream with emotional torture building up as he remembered how she'd laughed when she said that and how he'd had smiled at her with nothing but adoration and love.

"That seems unsanitary Y/N."

"You're such a smartass."

"Am I?"

"Definitely. But it's ok. I love that about you. I love you."

"I love you too."

She'd planted a sweet kiss on his lips before laying her head on his lap and listening to the rest of his topic rant. Still basking in the memory of Y/N, a sharp pain entered his hand and he realized he'd dug his crescent nails into the palm of his hand. And in that moment, he couldn't help but think about how much he'd love to be holding her hand right now.

"Guys!"

They all turned to Garcia, the source of the exclaim, who was walking in with Hotch.

"A bartender downtown says he just saw a woman matching Y/N's description leave with another man."

"She's chosen another victim? Here?" Rossi asked with confusion written on his face. "Up until now she's only killed 2 people per state and knowing the BAU has been called in, why is she staying here?"

JJ stepped in,

"This place is special to her, she has history here. Y/N must have an endgame but what is it?"

"The profile says she'll take as many people as she can with her. Probably suicide by cop."

Derek had accepted the situation. So why did that hurt to say?

"Rossi will go to the bar and talk to witnesses. Reid and Prentiss, stay here with Garcia. JJ and Morgan, PD is surveilling the radius around the bar and setting up roadblocks, come with me to help them."

"There's no way I'm staying here." Spencer objected.

Stay here and do nothing? Like hell.

"Neither am I, what the hell Hotch?"

"Reid, Prentiss that's an order. You're not going."

They both started to argue again but Hotch had already left. JJ and Derek followed and Rossi stood up with to leave for the bar. Apologetic looks were shot at Spencer and Emily because they all know why they have to stay behind. They're the two closest to her, the two that wouldn't be able to keep their emotions from affecting them on the field. And with that, off they all went.

-

Y/N's POV

-

The second you get to his hotel room, your lips crash against the handsome stranger. Your next victim. He pushes you against the wall and you moan loudly. His hands roam your body and you pull back.

"Hey... Go lie on the bed and wait for me."

Panting and staring at you with lust, he complies. Of course he does.

For God's sake. This man doesn't even know your name.

To be fair, Spence didn't even know Maeve's last name. And he still chose her.

You walk over to the eager man on the bed. Your hot breath on his neck, you lean close and whisper to him.

"We're going to do things my way."

He moans and you fight the urge to roll your eyes at him in disgust.

"Yes ma'am."

Taking out a rope, you tie him up and you know he thinks you're just a kinky slut. That's what they all see, isnt it? Suddenly something roars inside of you. Forgetting your usual routine, you pick up the lamp on the bedside table and smash it against him. Crimson stains the bed and you drop it, shocked by yourself. Yes, you've done worse. But it isn't the act that's sending regret and nausea through your body, it's that you're devolving. You're losing control.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Starting to panic, you take the unconscious man and check for a pulse. He's still alive.

Giving him a shower (much to your disdain) and change of clothes, you put his arm over your shoulder and walk out of the room giggling as you pass one of the housekeepers.

"Baby, you're such a lightweight! Let's get you out of here."

The housekeeper barely gives you a second glace but when she enters the room of the man you've taken, she starts to scream and you know you're running out of time.

Run. Drag him. Just hurry the hell up.

Finally at his car, you take him to the small studio you own downtown. No one can find you here. It's been yours for nearly a decade and you aren't stupid enough to have told anyone about it or put it under your name. Granted, you'd never thought you'd have to use it to hide out from the feds, it's still useful. After taking a look at the brightly colored wall in your basement, you feel a sense of sudden pain race through your veins. You used to be normal. You used to have a life.

-

The man is chained up, gagged, and bleeding but you can't even remember doing anything to him. What you need is numbness. They thought the other bodies were bad? Wait til they fucking see what you do with him. Pain shoots through your skull again and you wince and fall to the ground.

"Fuck. I- I need a drink." you stammer to no one in particular but yourself.

A wig and sunglasses make you look different enough from the woman being circulated to take the bus to a nearby gas station. Walking down the liquor aisle of the store, you hum a song to yourself and let the AC blow on your skin. Vision blurred, you bite your lip and taste the unmistakable strong metallic taste of your own blood. Still humming that fucking song. The song you'd danced to with Spencer in your living room before you'd made love for the first time.

"You cannot be serious!"

"Y/N! I can't dance."

"Oh come on. How bad can you be?  Seriously, the songs going to end and it'll be too late."

"Yes, that's what I'm hoping for."

"Psh. Don't tell me Doctor Reid is scared to sway around a little."

"Shut up."

"Make me." you laughed.

With one playful look, you dared him to shut you up in the most passionate, sensual way he could. But instead he put his warm hands on your hips and swayed to the song. You melted into his touch and your breaths synced as you laid your head on his chest. His heart beat was steady and calming. One hand reached for yours and intertwined before twirling you and pulling you back in to dance. He'd held you until it was over and brought your chin up to his face. The kiss was so intense, so loving. He tilted his head and pulled you tighter to get as close as he could to you. His tongue met yours and your mouths bathed in each other's taste. Running a hand through your hair, you'd started to unbutton his shirt. He'd been taken aback at first but then picked you up and placed you in the bedroom ever so softly. Placing gentle kisses all over each other's bodies and undressing for the other, you made raw, breathtaking love for the first of many times.

"Hey lady! Get out of the way!"

"W-What?..." You tremble and realize you're crying on the floor of the aisle.

"I said get out of the damn way, some of us got places to be."

The man is clearly batshit drunk. Probably here to buy his next fix. Shaking and letting yourself actually feel your emotions, you stand and use the wall to balance yourself.  The man that yelled at you curses to himself as his phone rings and he picks it up.

"Hell do you want? Thought you were still mad about Andrea."

Andrea? Mad about Andrea. Another cheater. Another liar. Right? It has to be.

Before you can process what you're doing-- how irrational it is-- the gunshot rings through the store and everyone turns to see the man before you on the ground, screaming and spitting blood. A mix of a laugh and a sob escapes you and you scream.

"Everyone on the fucking ground! If I see any cellphones, I'll shoot you just like this dickhead. Got it?"

Frightened people drop to the ground and you start to yell, incoherent bullshit again. You smash the freezer glass behind you and open an expensive bottle of bourbon.

You practically whimper having to take deep gasps in between words, but in a somehow still confident, fearless tone.

"Now let's have some fucking fun."

-

But what you didn't know was that the cashier in the front had sent a text 5 minutes earlier.

Call 911! The girl from the news, the Queen of Hearts. She's in the store.

What you didn't know was that the woman that recieved the text had called immediately.

911, what's your emergency?

What you didn't know was that the BAU was on their way.

-

[jeanluva]

haikyuu boys as your ex boyfriend

+ why you broke up

[ with; all the boys]

Warnings: this is long af

The ex you remain friends with

Sugawara, Ennoshita, Hinata, Akaashi

Suga

You and suga had a mutual break up.

You both realized the relationship wasn’t going anywhere and decided to end it.

He wanted to remain friends, since you were both good friends before. So you did.

Ennoshita

You both fell for someone else.

You both had a talk and both of you mentioned that you were starting to fall for other people.

As much as it was a relief that he felt the same way you did, it did hurt.

However, you ended the relationship and decided to remain as friends since the breakup wasn’t bad.

Hinata

He was just too focused on volleyball.

You and Hinata were already very close friends before you got together.

But the relationship wasn’t going anywhere and it was going at a very slow rate.

It took you guys almost 5 months to kiss and you had to initiate it.

he just didn’t feel like your boyfriend.

So you both decided to remain friends.

Akaashi

You guys didn’t date long.

You both had small crushes on each other and with the help of some mutual friends, you got together.

You gave it a try and it all just seemed too forced. The cuddling felt forced, the kissint, holding hande. Everything.

He actually brought it up to you first and you were so relieved he felt the same way. So, you went back to being friends.

The ex you still hook up with

Tanaka, Ukai, Bokuto, Terushima

Tanaka

You needed to focus on school and your future. So you ended your relationship.

Thankfully he understood. You guys got to talking one day and you mentioned how you felt uncomfortable doing anything sexual with anyone else.

So you guys started a friends with benefits.

You both still had your needs and neither of you were interested in dating anyone else. It only made sense.

Ukai

An arugument is what broke the two of you up.

You guys just have different points of views on things and you knew the relationship just wouldn’t last.

But, you both just couldn’t get enough of each other. Sexually.

So you continued to have sex and agreed to stop if one of you found someone new.

Bokuto

You couldn’t imagine a future with him. It hurt to tel him, but he needed the truth.

After you guys broke up, he took some time to think and he realized he couldn’t see himself marrying you either.

You two met up to talk about everything one day and one thing led to another.

After that, you both just constantly had sex. But you knew one day, it would have to stop.

Terushima

He flirted too much with other people.

Not that he did it intentionally, but he couldn’t control the words that came out of his mouth.

The relationship didn’t real end in a mess, but he was the one who brought up the topic.

He wanted to still have sex with you because he was only comfortable doing the things he likes with you.

You both know each others likes and dislikes very well and your bodies were perfect for each other.

The ex you despise

Iwaizumi, Kentarō

Iwaizumi

The break up it’s self wasnt bad.

It was the aftermath.

People began to spread rumors about you and calling you names and blaming you for your break up.

And Iwa wouldn’t do or say anything to make the rumors stop.

So you blew up on him one day, in front of everyone.

You thought that maybe there was hope to fix your relationship with him, but after all that. You couldn’t stand the sight of him.

Kentarō

The break up was bad.

One day he just stopped answering your calls and your texts.

So you cornered him one day after school and confronted him. He told you that he didn’t want to be with you anymore and not to bother him ever again.

It really broke your heart and he wouldn’t even give you an explanation.

You’ve hated him since then.

The ex you never speak to again

Kageyama, Tsukishima, Kenma, Ushijima, Kiyoomi, Osamu, Suna, Daichi

Kageyama

Like Hinata, he was just too focused on volleyball.

You weren’t even really sure if he still liked you.

After you broke up, you guys simply just stopped talking.

You didn’t have the same friend group or any of the same classes.

So there was no reason to talk.

Tsukishima

He lost feelings for you.

Tsukishima doesn’t see the reason to keep in touch with his exes.

You weren’t as special to him as you thought and there was never a reason to talk.

Kenma

He never made time for you.

Honestly, after your break up he couldn’t even feel any difference.

You both weren’t ever really affectionate with each other. You tried.

But, he just wasn’t that type of person and you didn’t want to wait around for him to become one.

So you broke up and just never spoke.

Ushijima

You never thought you and Wakatoshi would break up.

But, it happened. You both just had other priorities and couldn’t fit each other into your schedules.

It was a mutual break up and you guys just lost contact.

Kiyoomi

He wasn’t what you wanted.

You blame yourself for having high expectations. It’s not his fault he couldn’t meet them.

You guys also didn’t have much in common or many things to talk about.

So, you slowly stopped talking to each other.

Osamu

He didn’t technically cheat on you, but he was texting another girl and did find himself being a little flirtatious without going too far. Like giving her small compliments, going to her whenever you guys argued, telling her things he wouldn’t even tell you.

You found out from one of his friends and it honestly broke your heart. So you broke up with him.

You couldn’t hate him because, you can’t help who you fall for. But it still hurt and you didn’t want anything to do with him.

He definitely noticed your absence and didn’t like the feeling it gave him. He never dated the girl.

He just didn’t realize what he had until you were gone.

Suna

He kept your relationship hidden.

He never gave you a straight answer as to why.

You both were opposites and seemed like an odd couple.

You were never seen together at school. You only saw him after his practices or on the weekends.

You weren’t getting tired if the back and forth, so you ended it. He didn’t seem to have a problem with it.

You guys stopped talking afterwards.

Daichi

Daichi really did see himself marrying you. He wanted to spend his whole life with you.

But you both had different views on life and wanted different things.

You couldn’t come to a middle ground.

After you both graduated, you lost touch. There was just no point in continuing.

The ex you keep getting back together with

Kuroo, Oikawa, Tendō, Atsumu

Kuroo

Anytime you and Kuroo get into a bad argument. One of you breaks up with the other.

Then you immediately regret it the next day.

Then you get back together. And about 2 - 3 months later it happens again.

It’s toxic but you both love each other and can’t seem yourselves with anyone else.

Oikawa

His fan girls get too much for you sometimes.

You guys argue about them and he always claims that he needs them. It makes you feel invalid and you always end up breaking up with him.

Just for him to sweet talk you the next day and you’re right back together.

Oikawa is too selfish to let you go and he doesn’t really seem to care.

Tendō

You end Tendō have broken up a few times because you guys claim to lose feelings.

But as soon as you break up, the feelings come back and you get right back together.

So, if you break up. There’s no point in dating anyone else, because you will end up right back with him.

Atsumu

Everyone has that ex that they just keep going back to.

There’s basically another girl in Atsumu’s life. Just like Osamu, he liked another girl and he ended things with you, to be with her.

You were okay with it, you were just happy that he was honest and didn’t cheat.

But, whenever he as with her. He couldn’t help but miss you. And whenever they got into arugments (which were all the time) he came back to you.

He realized he liked you both and constantly leaves her for you now. Normally, you wouldn’t allow this. But, when you listened to his rants about her, you realized it was almost always her fault that theu argued.

But, finally one day. You gave him an option. It was eirher you or her. You were tired of the back and forth.

He chose you.

The ex that still has feelings for you

Asahi, Nishinoya, Yamaguchi, Yamamoto, Lev, Aone.

Asahi

Asahi was an amazing boyfriend to you. You never found a flaw in him.

But you didn’t feel like you were good enough for him. No matter how much he said you were, you just didn’t feel that way.

So, you told him you needed time to learn how to love yourself.

He said he would wait for you and he would be there if you still wanted him.

Nishinoya

When he got suspended, your parents didn’t want you seeing him anymore.

He never stopped loving you.

You both promised to wait for each other.

Yamaguchi

You guys relationship didn’t last long.

It was too awkward and you both always had to ask tsukishima for advice.

You decided to end it, but with no hard feelings.

He still liked you and he really wanted to make things work with you.

Maybe one day.

Yamamoto

You have commitment issues.

Relationships just aren’t for you and you gave it your best with him.

You really did like him and it honestly hurt you so much having to let him go.

He told you if you ever changed your mind, he’d drop anything and everyone to be with you.

Lev

Uhh. Lev was just a little too, immature for you.

His personality would have been great if you guys were just friends. But you wanted a serious relationship.

And he just couldn’t seem to give you that.

You broke up with him, even though you both still had feelings for each other.

You told him if maybe if he just matured a little bit, you would give him another chance.

Aone

You guys go to different schools.

The long distance wasn’t the same as being with him in person.

You missed him too much and you couldn’t take it anymore.

So you broke up with him. You wanted him to find someone that you could be there with him.

But, little did you know. It hurt him so much. He hopes he can find the courage to try and win you back. He even thought about switching schools for you.

a/n: this was so long. oof

tags 🏷: @koutarouwrld @velvetvirgos

[tripleaxeldiaz]

maybe one day i’ll fly next to you

chapter 6/8

read on ao3

start from the beginning

Eddie gets cleared with two weeks to spare, and they celebrate by making out on Buck’s couch for so long it actually starts to hurt.

Buck can admit that as excited as he was to give this thing of theirs a go (“You can call me your boyfriend, Buck, it’s not a bad word”), there was still a part of him that was nervous. Nervous about how it would affect him, would affect both of them, especially now, when they’re physically and emotionally exhausted as they hurtle closer and closer to Beijing. For the first week, Buck kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Eddie to realize this was a mistake and break it off cleanly, before they got in too deep. He knows what a monster he can be when he’s strung out on stress, and only Maddie has ever been able to see past the short words and shorter temper and get him to breathe again. 

But one day, after an awful practice that brought the monster out in full force, Eddie found him hiding out in the locker room, fuming by himself and at himself. He didn’t chastise him like he could have (like he should have), didn’t tell him he was overreacting or that he was too much. Instead, he did what had become such a pillar in their friendship: he sat next to Buck and waited. And when all the anger and frustration finally seeped out of him, Eddie was there with a warm, solid, grounding hand to pull him back to his feet and away from the edge he was mentally leaning over. No judgement or invalidation, just genuine empathy. 

And that’s all it took for it to slot into place for Buck. That no matter what, they’re friends — best friends — first, and their very unique life paths means they understand each other on a level that no one else can. Being boyfriends just means they get to do more fun things together now, like making out on couches like the real teenagers they never got to be.

The weeks after Eddie’s clean bill of health fly by, and they’re heading to Lake Placid before he knows it. Buck’s excited — he’s always excited for Nats — but he also feels a looming sense of foreboding, like any minute, something is going to go terribly, terribly wrong. The last time he competed here was four seasons ago, when he won his last Nats gold, two weeks before shattering his leg and Olympic dreams in one fell swoop. Who’s to say it won’t happen again? Maybe the universe has decided that the Olympics are not for him, and this weekend will result in a last place finish or another injury or something else that takes everything away from him again.

He feels a warm palm against his and a squeeze, looks up to see Eddie watching him, framed by the snowy mountains whizzing by the bus window. His brow is creased in worry, like he can see the storm starting to swirl in Buck’s head. That worry, the way Eddie knows him, is strangely grounding, pulling him out of his dark cloud enough to actually enjoy the view of upstate New York they have as they make their way to their hotel.

The pre-competition routine is easy, familiar, and Buck lets himself get lost in it, block out any and all doubts that keep trying to sink their claws into him as the weekend gets closer and closer. Eddie’s there every step of the way too, not at all the distraction Buck had been worried about for way too long, but a welcome calm in the clusterfuck of his emotions, something for him to hold onto and gravitate back towards when it all starts to be too much. He can’t believe he survived this season — or any other season — without this to balance him out, but he knows for a fact that he’s never letting it go.

It’s the morning before shorts, and Buck is woken up by obnoxious pounding on their hotel room door. He feels a groan rumble through Eddie’s chest where it’s pressed against his back, smirks as he feels his arms wrap tighter around his waist.

“If we’re quiet enough, maybe they’ll go away,” Eddie whispers.

“Get up losers, we know you can hear us,” Chim yells through the door. Buck throws back the covers, chilly morning air making him even more irritated, and yanks the door open, coming face to face with Chim and May.

“Oh thank god, he’s wearing pants,” May sighs in relief.

Buck squints an eye at her. “It’s 8:00am, what could you possibly want from us this early?”

“It’s team bonding day,” Chim says with a grin. “We’re going to Mirror Lake. Grab Eddie and your skates and meet us at the bus in 15.”

“What if we had our own plans?” Buck asks, crossing his arms. “How do you know we weren’t gonna spend all day in bed having—” A hand clamps over his mouth from behind him before he can finish.

“We’ll see you guys down there,” Eddie says. He shuts the door on them and pinches Buck’s side, turning toward his suitcase to find clothes.

“What?” Buck asks, laughing. “I was gonna say having a movie marathon, you didn’t let me finish.”

That earns him a sweatshirt thrown at his head, but Eddie’s looking at him all fond and soft when he throws it, so Buck’s not complaining.

Mirror Lake is the very definition of “winter wonderland” — the ice seems like it’s never ending, so clean and smooth you almost feel bad skating over it. Mountains and forests surround it on all sides to hide it away from the rest of the world, and Christmas lights are still strung up in the trees and around houses. It’s fairly empty this early, just a small group of kids playing a pickup game of hockey near one of the inns. A dusting of snow covers and muffles everything, bringing a sense of stillness and calm that’s unmatched anywhere else.

Buck takes a deep breath and revels at the bite he feels in his lungs. All the thoughts and voices filling his head finally quiet down, and he can just be here, enjoy this time with his friends without worrying about what’s going to happen tomorrow or next month. He knows it won’t last long, will all come flooding back as soon as they leave the lake, but he’s going to soak it all in while he can. 

He’s fallen behind the group a bit as they spread out, taking in the sight of everyone — Maddie and Chim holding hands and matching strokes like always, Hen and May making up some kind of obstacle course, Bobby and Athena lost in deep conversation as they glide. He keeps looking until he spots Eddie, a little ways from the group, moving and spinning to the music only he can hear in his head. He’s as graceful as ever, confident in every movement, but there’s peace in him too — he’s at ease, free from the pressure of competition and perfection that Buck knows rests so heavily on his shoulders. The early morning sun bathes him in golden light, but it’s nothing compared to the smile sent his direction when he catches Buck watching.

He’s so beautiful it actually takes Buck’s breath away.

Eddie makes his way back to him, the light following in his wake. His smile is even brighter up close, but Buck only gets to enjoy it for a moment before he’s being pulled into a kiss so sweet and slow and perfect it makes him dizzy. Eddie pulls away just as quickly as he came in, the smile replaced with a smirk, and Buck barely registers the words “Race ya!” before Eddie’s speeding off to the other side of the lake. He’s stunned for a minute before he pushes off too, catching up with Eddie and doing his best to cut him off the rest of the way. Their laughter echoes off the mountains, surrounding them in their own joy, and Buck for the life of him can’t remember the last time he was this happy.

~~~~~~~~~~

Eddie’s in first and Buck’s closing out the group, because apparently the universe gets a kick out of watching him suffer.

They’ve been in this same situation so many times before, and he used to be able to turn his irritation at another flawless skate from Eddie into determination, propelling his own skating to be as close to perfect as possible. Now, though, he feels...proud. And happy for Eddie, because despite the weeks out and any lingering pain, he was flawless again — everything perfectly landed and rotated, a commanding presence on the ice. It’s a weird feeling, but it’s also nice, especially when Eddie winks at him and mouths good luck as he makes his way to the kiss and cry, and Buck’s whole body fills up with giddy butterflies.

Turns out butterflies work better than anything else for him — he’s 10 points in first place after shorts, and he feels so electric, so on top of the world he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Until he sees Eddie again on their way to the presser, costume still sticking to him with sweat in all the right places, hair mussed and cheeks rosy.

Then there’s only one thing he wants to do, and he can’t believe he has to be polite to reporters before he can do it.

He manages to be nice and not stare at Eddie the whole time, but he snaps as soon as they get back to their hotel room, pushing Eddie up against the door as it closes and kissing him fast and dirty.

“Is this your way of distracting me so you win tomorrow?” Eddie asks, breathless from the kiss, fingers threading through Buck’s hair as Buck trails kisses down his jaw and neck, pausing only to shove Eddie’s jacket and shirt off so he can get to more skin. He stops again just as he gets to Eddie’s chest, his breath ghosting over a nipple and leaving goosebumps in its wake. Eddie’s pupils are blown wide when he meets his eyes, and the blush on his cheeks and crawling down his chest is so pretty Buck could write sonnets about it.

He smirks, the novelty of the effect he has on Eddie far from wearing off. “Do you want me to stop?”

Eddie shakes his head, cupping Buck’s jaw to pull him back up. “Fuck no, don’t even think about it,” he says before kissing him hard again, tongue licking into his mouth immediately, and Buck can practically taste the quiet, subconscious sounds Eddie makes as his fingers run down his chest and stomach. He quickly thanks whoever made track pants a part of the Team USA uniform before shoving Eddie’s down his thighs and finally getting a hand on his cock, already hard and leaking. Eddie whines as Buck breaks their kiss, but it settles into a sigh as he resumes his trail down his body. Normally he’d spend a lot longer working his mouth over as much of Eddie’s skin as he can reach, relish in the salty sweet taste of it and hit all the places that make Eddie’s hips buck forward without his permission, but he’s only got one goal in mind at the moment. He’ll make it up to Eddie later.

He finally swallows Eddie down, hears a “fuck” and a thump above him as Eddie’s head hits back against the door. He knows exactly what Eddie likes — the first week of their relationship was pretty much dedicated to figuring out all the best ways to make each other fall apart. Eddie gets a hand in his hair again as he hollows out his cheeks and hums, vibrations sending another wave of shivers over Eddie, making his hips rock even more. Buck looks up, and Eddie looks wrecked, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth, head thrown back and neck bared. It’s a miracle, really, that Buck doesn’t come right then and there.

“Christ, Buck, I’m—” Eddie tugs on Buck’s hair in warning, but it just makes Buck go faster, coaxing and coaxing until Eddie’s spilling into his mouth. Buck just barely has time to finish swallowing before he’s being yanked back to his feet and into a searing kiss, Eddie wasting no time in tasting himself on Buck’s tongue. He barely registers where Eddie’s hands are until he feels one wrap around his cock, steady and determined. He’s so keyed up now that it doesn’t take much — a few twists of Eddie’s wrist and a bruise sucked onto the underside of his jaw has him spilling over Eddie’s hand before he knows it. 

He presses kisses to every part of Eddie’s face he can reach as he comes down, soaking in the warmth radiating from him, only stopping when Eddie not so discreetly tries to wipe his hand on Buck’s pants.

“Hey!” he cries, laughing at the look on Eddie’s face. “Go wash your hands like a normal person and come meet me in bed.”

“Room service?”

“Duh.” He kisses Eddie’s nose before flopping onto the bed and flipping through movie rentals. The rest of their evening is quiet, full of bad movies and french fries and conversations about everything and nothing, and Buck feels an ease that he never feels the night before free skates. Tomorrow may be make or break for him, for both of them, but in this little cocoon of theirs, his face tucked into Eddie’s neck and Eddie’s arms around him as they drift off to sleep, the worry and nerves and anxiety feel too far away to touch him.

~~~~~~~~~~

The worst part is that he knows it’s a dream.

He knows if he jumps in real life, he’ll always come back down. Maybe not gently and maybe not on his feet, but after half a second of air time, he will touch the ground again. 

But now he’s taken off and he just keeps going — it’s completely impossible, but he’s still scared. Scared of the unknown that he’s propelling towards, scared that he can’t control his body or where it’s going, scared that it’s all going to end and there’s nothing he can do about it.

Fear turns to pure terror as his weight shifts of its own accord and starts sending him back to the rink he’s made up in his head. He thinks (hopes) he’ll wake up before he makes impact, but the panic is still clawing at him, sinking into his bones and running all the worst case scenarios though his head. He crashes through the ice but it doesn’t stop — flashes of disappointed faces, snippets of voices tinged with pity for him and the fact that he failed once again. It’s cacophonous and overwhelming, but he catches specific voices — Maddie, Bobby, Eddie — that try to push through, try to pull him out, but it’s not enough. He’s falling into the nothingness of his own failure and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do about it.

He finally wakes up, his skin feels like it’s buzzing, alive with lingering panic. He’s got an arm around Eddie’s waist and his face pressed into the back of his neck, and he takes a minute to breathe him in and get his heart to slow back down. It’s early, barely light out, but Buck slips out of bed, grabs the comforter from the other one, and quietly slides open the balcony door. The snow is just starting to glow from the first rays of sunlight, and everything is quiet, still, a direct contrast with the thoughts and feelings still swirling in Buck. He sits on the little bench facing the surrounding forest, does his best to focus on the chill in the air and the quiet nature sounds around him, tries to shut out everything else and be right where he is.

It takes a while, but it helps. 

The sun is fully up by the time he goes back in, and Eddie’s just finishing packing up his skating bag. Buck’s bag, actually. Eddie’s is already set by the door. He feels on the verge of tears again, but not in a bad way.

Eddie turns to him as he slides the door shut. His eyes track everywhere, like he’s cataloging Buck, taking stock before making a move. Buck’s stupidly grateful for it — he feels like one wrong move could send him cracking all over again, and it wouldn’t be Eddie’s fault, but he’d get the brunt of it. But Eddie knows him better than almost anyone, so whatever move he makes will be a good one.

He watches Eddie move slowly toward him and reach for his hand, giving Buck every opportunity to back up and say no. That’s not at all what he wants, so he meets Eddie halfway and laces their fingers together.

“Do you need another minute?” Eddie asks quietly.

Buck shakes his head. “I’m okay. We have to leave soon anyway.”

“Will you believe me if I tell you that everything’s gonna be fine?”

“Probably not.”

Eddie nods. “Okay.” He tugs Buck toward him, gently kisses his forehead, cheek, and lips. “We need to be downstairs in 30 minutes.”

Buck squeezes his hand and heads towards the bathroom. He steps into the shower and tries to convince himself that Eddie’s right.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Channel your nerves, Buck. Everyone here is rooting for you. Show ‘em what you got.”

Buck nods at Bobby before pushing off the boards. He hears On the ice, representing the 118 Skating Club of Los Angeles, Evan Buckley and the applause that follows, but it sounds tinny and far away. He’s trying to channel everything — his nerves, doubts, fear of failure, whatever — and make it work for him, but it’s not as easy today. He feels heavy, like his body isn’t quite in line with his mind and what he needs to be doing, and he knows he’s going to be fighting himself for every element for the next four and a half minutes.

The music starts and he tries to float with it, use it to push through the extra gravity he feels and lift himself up more. He lands his first jump — his triple axel, usually one of his strongest — but feels himself wobble, knows his GOE will be low. He misses the second jump on his first combo and has to mentally comb through his program to figure out where he can tack it onto to make up points. On and on it goes — he doesn’t fall, there’s no monumental breakdown, but he’s subpar, doesn’t meet his own expectations and probably doesn’t meet those of the USFSA. He finishes with the fakest smile he’s ever slapped on his face and all but sprints to the kiss and cry.

Nats scores are always inflated, so he doesn’t do bad, but he’s certainly done better. There are three skaters left, including Eddie, and a terrible part of him hopes that the other two eat ice so he can still finish on the podium and salvage his spot in Beijing.

They don’t. Naturally. He sits in the green room as they each have the best skate of their season and leap frog over his score. Eddie’s last to go and he lays it all out there, like he’s already at the Olympics, but Buck’s hardly mad about that. He’s a force, attacking every jump but still keeping a softness in his movements to match Jeff Buckley’s voice. Buck’s got chills up and down his back during his last step sequence and into his final pose, and he knows it’s a gold medal by a mile. And he’s happy for Eddie, ecstatic even, but he also feels his heart break a little bit, because Eddie winning puts him in fourth.

The pewter medal. A stupid consolation prize that only the USFSA gives out. He’s technically still on the podium, but it somehow feels worse than if he’d finish last.

“You had a great Grand Prix this year, that counts for a lot more than Nats,” Eddie says on the ride to the airport the next day. It’s the first time Buck’s let him talk about it without changing the subject or kissing him or literally walking into another room. He’s run out of energy to avoid it anymore. 

“They’ll want someone consistent, and that’s clearly not me.”

“You have the second highest overall score in the country this season, fifth in the world. They can’t ignore that.”

Buck shrugs, picks at an errant string on his hoodie to avoid looking Eddie in the eye. He feels lips press to his temple and unconsciously melts, head moving down to rest on Eddie’s shoulder.

“It’ll all work out. We’ll be in Beijing together, I know it.”

Eddie’s always so confident, so sure in his convictions and unwavering in his beliefs. Buck loves him for it but it’s also unnerving, because he wants to believe as hard as Eddie does, but he knows how this goes. He works and works and pushes and pushes but in the end, it’s not far enough. All his hard work, his literal blood sweat and tears, can’t get him that extra inch closer to where he wants to be.

It happened four years ago, and he can feel it happening again. And this time, he won’t be able to blame a broken leg for his failures.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Buck, stop shaking your leg, you’re gonna trigger an earthquake.”

Buck scowls at Chim but stops. It’s been three days since Nats, three days of waiting, knowing that at any minute, the USFSA is going to post their final Olympic team. He’s been on edge for 72 hours because they won’t have an idea it’s happening until it happens, and he thinks he might be starting to go insane.

“It’ll be soon,” Maddie says from where she’s leaning on the boards. They’re all supposed to be warming up, a long day of practice ahead, but they’re congregated around the benches instead, anxiety crackling between all of them like lightning.

He doesn’t even notice his leg starts shaking again until Eddie places a hand on it to stop him.

“Opening ceremonies are in three weeks,” May says as she stretches on the floor. “They’re cutting it awfully close if they don’t announce, like, today.”

Chim groans as he stands up from the bench to join Maddie. “Why is it even taking so long? They’ve seen how the season’s gone so far, there can’t be that much left to deliberate.”

“Do you think they’re actually still deciding, or just waiting because it’s dramatic?” Buck asks.

Eddie snorts. “Probably the latter.”

“Guys!”

They all turn towards the doorway to the locker room, and Buck feels his blood run cold. Hen is there, looking calm as ever on the outside, but he meets her eye, and he knows.

“They just posted the list. Bobby has it up on his computer.”

Chim grabs Maddie’s hand and sprints, and May is hot on their heels. Eddie gets 10 feet in front of him before he realizes Buck hasn’t followed. He’s frozen in place, hands numb, heart beating so hard he’s worried about his ribs. Right now, on the bench, he can convince himself he’s living in a world where his dreams haven’t been crushed, where he still has a chance. Once he takes a step, that all ends.

Eddie comes back for him, grabs both of his hands and waits until Buck meets his eye. When he does, he gives him that small, soft smile Buck knows is just for him, and it feels like he’s saying I believe in you. It’s enough to get him moving.

They catch up with the others just as they get to Bobby’s office, and they jostle and crowd around the desktop, trying to get a clear view. Buck’s thankful for his height and looks over everyone, the world quickly narrowing to just him and the computer screen.

From the top, the list goes men, ladies, pairs, dance, so he starts from the bottom to delay any disappointment. 

He feels the tears prick when he sees Chim and Maddie listed, his smile nearly splits his face at May’s name. Eddie was inevitable, but his heart still soars when he sees it written out.

And then.

And then.

His name. His name, just above Eddie’s. 

Evan Buckley. Right there, clear as day, in Times New Roman font.

He’s glad Chim and May are already crushing him in a hug, because he’s pretty sure his knees have given out.

This is real. This is happening. Eddie is squeezing his hand and Maddie is crying and it’s happening.

They are officially, officially, going to the Olympics.