#and then i get embarassed to hell and back because the band posts the other persons photos instead and i get embarassed to death

[idsb]

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[natromanxoff]

I wasn’t sure about posting this at first but as it is already shared publicly and I have come across with it on Pinterest, I decided that it would be okay. So here is a story of a fan about Jim Hutton:

“ON 23rd of March, there was a Queen Tribute band concert in Goresbridge and my boyfriend told me that Jim would come as well. He admitted that he had arranged with Stephen for Jim to come along. The concert was in the pub called The Spirit Store. What a great name for spiritual meeting, I thought. When I entered, Jim sat at the table with Stephen, Jascqueline, her sister Valeria and other family friends. There was nowhere to sit, so we just stood by the table for a while. When I looked at Jim, he appeared somewhat fragile and tiny, like a man who could easily be overlooked. He didn´t look anything like those photos portraying him in the books.

After a while, there was a free seat by the table and everyone, including Jim, moved in order for us to sit down. It was just one place and my friend Mike wanted to take it. He got up fast but they all stopped him. Jim measured Mike up and down and told him, "Perhaps you should let the lady sit here, you cavalier!" Embarassed, Mike got up from his chair and offered it to me. I got the honorable place alongside Jim. Being a woman sometimes has its advantages! Jim welcomed me with heartfelt "Hi". At first I was nervous, but after a while I felt relaxed and enjoyed Jim's company. I was aware of his behavior, gestures, laughter, and tried to absorb his energy all at once. It was easy to talk to him about anything and everything.

I wanted to know the man Freddie loved so much, so I guess I started giving him many questions.

"Jim, are you still in touch with Phoebe?" Jim looked at me closely and began to talk to me with interest. "I haven´t really been talking to him for a long time. I know he had a hotel in Dubai, then he sold it, and he's in Prague now. He also bought something overthere and I think he's going to settle down there." When I heard about Prague, I jumped up excitedly and told him that I was from there. He smiled a little, though the coincidence like this didn´t overwhelm him as much as me.

He relished glass of Budwaiser and smoked Ultra light Silk Cuts. He offered me one and lit it up for me like a real gentleman. It seemed he wanted to continue talking. We both made fun of the ultralight effect of his cigarettes, which would probably piss off every orthodox smoker, Freddie for sure! He then demonstrated jokingly, how to properly smoke them. He inhaled all the smoke by sucking in his cheeks and widening his eyes, as if he should soon burst like an inflated toad. None of us resisted and we both burst into a mad laughter. I told him about my visit to Munich and meeting Barbara. He smiled and listened, then he rolled his eyes up to heaven and stated that she is one hell of a crazy woman. I totally agreed, and added, that also alcoholic one. It was surreal to talk about mutual aquaintances together, people we both knew. I also mentioned my visit to New York club and I could see how he returns nostalgically into his memories. Then I also tried to make him remember my friend Allison, who told me about him in the first place.

"About nine years ago she visited you in London". He couldn´t remember and admitted, that since then a lot of people have passed through his life and many of them he never saw again.

I continued. "She showed me several of your photos and in one of them you were holding Freddie's portrait that you bought at the auction". Suddenly he jumped up and said he knew whom I mean.

I showed him my miniature box containing a stone and talked about it with almost patriotic pride. "It's a stone from Logan Mews that I had to dig out from under the threshold of his house, because there was nothing else to take." Jim laughed out loud, this time without any hindrance and doubt that I was totally crazy. I also laughed because I knew I sound like nuts. He remarked with smile from ear to ear that I was pretty crazy. "Yeah, I'm crazy, and I'm proud to be. Who isn´t...and by the way.....why not?" I smiled at what I just said, because that´s what Freddie would say, to defend himself. Jim then talked about the medallion that Freddie had given him for his birthday. He said, there were three miniature pictures inside. "The first is that of Miko ", he said gently, looking up at me to make sure I knew who he was talking about. "In the other one is Freddie" ... he continued with kind of fervor and love. Something deep inside me shivered. "In the third one," ... he didn´t answer yet, when I jumped into his monologue ...."Tiffany," I blurted out.

"My mom's photo," he finished his sentence. (and I prayed he didn´t register my answer).

It was nice to hear him remembering like that. He opened up in front of me the way I never dreamt of. I think it was nice for him to share these beautiful moments and to talk about things that meant so much to him. "This rock is my good luck charm. I have been listening to Queen since I´m twelve and I also work in the Fan Club's office. We celebrate his anniversary every year. When I went here, I was kidding with my friends that I might meet Jim Hutton in Ireland... and here you are, sitting right next to me. That´s my dream come true", I said all emotional.

"How do you know Stephen?", he inquired after while.

"I go out with Vinnie and they are good friends" He eyed my boyfriend and indicated that he knew who he was.

"I was annoying the two of them and was constantly asking them to bring you", I smiled.

"Oh, Jacqueline wanted me to come, alright" Jim smiled at the thought. Then he talked about the music talent competition, in which they were selecting the best imitators of Queen.

"What music are you actually listening to?" I wondered.

"I have no favorite, I'm listening to almost everything. Even a radio".

"And do you still have Zig and Zag?"

He only sighed and said in a sad voice that they had both died since then.

"And do you have any other cats?"

"Yeah, I have seven others now," Jim smiled. This number didn´t surprise me. The old habits are hard to kill.

"Do you still keep up the gardening, Jim?"

"Constantly," he said with a loving smile and amusedly showed me his hands dirty from the clay and covered in sores. For God's sake, he must have been gardening a few minutes before going to a concert!, I thought to myself. A complete garden maniac.....

We were joking on the account of the band that was supposed to start playing long time ago, but somehow did not. He told me it would be nice to get drunk, so we didn´t know how terrible they were. That really made me crack up. He could be so funny.

He joked and emphasized to everyone around the table, that instead of a concert he could have been at home watching his favorite movie. In the same breath, he admitted that he was curious about their performance and that he hadn´t been out in ages.

He leaned over to me and confessed, that now he lived a life completely cut off from the rest of the world.

"We are basically the same, I am basically like him. Now I just enjoy loneliness and privacy. I don´t go out anywhere except my garden". I immediately knew whom he was referring to in his speech.

I said that I had discovered his house in Palatine and apologized when I saw his slightly concerned look. I said I was just little curious.

He then recalled a few of his encounters with the fans. One day there was an unknown car with a couple of strangers that arrived to his house. They came all way from Vienna and they found him by questioning people in a town! Not a hard thing to trace him, he said, as every cab driver in the area knows him pretty well. One local newspaper even published a photo of his house, and although they gave a wrong address, a lot of people had found him.

That made me laugh, because I knew what it means to be a devoted fan.

"On the other hand, it's nice to know that someone is constantly looking after you and giving you the feeling that all this is still alive," I added with a smile.

"Jim, do you still have your Volvo?"

"You mean the one that Freddie gave me?.....No, I don´t have it few years now, I´ve swapped it for a new one," he smiled.

He was all too gallant all the time, always lighting my cigarette.

He also wondered how long I would stay in Ireland, so I said that only another half a year.

"And you wanna come back here?" He asked suddenly.

"Oh, I'd love to. I'm trying to find a job either in Carlow or Kilkenny," I said enthusiastically.

Then I fell silent, looked at him and assured him "Definitely."

Each time he looked up into my eyes, I saw an incredibly nice person in front of me. Something in his silent expression suggested that he had suffered great deal of pain in life, but that he was now completely reconciled with his fate. Still, in his eyes shone a spark of unrelenting humor. In his company I forgot all about the world. I was happy to be able to make such an affluent and warm contact with him. The longer we knew each other, the closer we were.

When he wanted to go to the toilet, Stephen told him that the men's toilets were behind the bar and the ladies in front of the bar. It sounded like he wasn´t quite sure which one would Jim prefer.

But Jim didn´t care much and set off to the men's. I admit it made me laugh a little.

Then we continued our dialogue. I mentioned that I read both his and Phoebe's book, but that I couldn´t find his book anywhere in the stores. He confirmed that it´s out of print at the minute.

When I told him that I had stolen his book at the local library, he laughed and said that I should have asked him and he would have given me a copy, but he only had Italian version.

Finally, the band started to play. Everyone in the pub stood up and whole lot of us - as we were tucked in at the back, climbed onto the window ledges. I stood next to Jim, who remained seated.

He looked a little bit run over. I knew he was surrounded by the loneliness and I watched him with sadness. I lacked much power or words to comfort him. It was only after some wonderful songs that we both joined and got up. He could not remain sad in such a loving and friendly company for ever.

When he noticed the enormous, life-vibrant energy that only Queen music could produce in conjunction with a crowd of people singing, I think he forgot his personal pain. I could see pride in his face. He stood up and watched the band. Then he addressed me and made me come up onto the ledge above him to see better. I would not listen to anybody else, but from him it didn´t sound like an order. He wanted me to get the most out of it and it pleased me. Then we sat back and drank. Jim seemed to be getting cheerful and livelier. The more he drank, the more cheerful he was. The guys ordered him Red Bull with vodka. When I asked him if it was vodka, he claimed it was white lemonade! He put a warm glass of "vodka" on my hand, so I almost jumped out of my skin, which he thought was terribly funny.

Whatever he did, he looked at me as though I was the only person who knew what was behind his looks. His faces and funny grimaces reminded me of Freddie. He had a lot of subconsciously inherited poses and gestures from him. Even in his laughter I could detect an influence of Freddie's strong personality. He simply marked all people around him. It was not the same contagious and stormy laugh, but there was a spark of resemblance.

His niece Jacqueline, Valerie and Stephen, danced all the time on the ledge and Jim was pulling them and wrapping himself in between their legs, hugging them, clinging to them, and messing around like a little boy. It was a wonderful sight, as he was so happy and childish.

After some time, Jim lost himself in a crowd of concert goers, so I went to look for him. Without his company it felt such a sad place. It was as if he had fallen through the ground, which made me very nervous. Finally, I found him by the entrance table, where he was joking away with one old blonde, not too different from frivolous Barbara Valentin. I asked him for a photo together. At first he looked impenetrable but as soon as I threw a sad eye and smirked, he brightened up and agreed as if saying "You know you can, anything for you, darling"

His niece Valerie took our picture. He then whispered to me that he hopes I´ll send him some pictures later.

After that he announced that we are going back inside to listen to the band.

I saw them from close-up and I must say that it was much better to just hear them. They looked rather too comic with all their wigs. It was something that would make Freddie laugh too.

I told Jim that they don´t look very natural,which he agreed with, but he said he couldn´t complain about their music. He was totally right, because musically they weren´t bad and the singer had a very authentic voice.

Inside, everybody was dancing and Jim joined in and circled around them like a rogalo.

The whole pub vibrated with intense and loving energy. There was no one who would be bored. Jim then threw himself in the arms of his two nieces, who gently caressed him in his hair and embraced him. He let them take care of him, now vulnerable like a little lost child all of a sudden.

There was something deeply touching about it. He had closed his eyes and sadly lowered his head, as if his tears flowed deep inside, in his invisible world. I realized at this stage, how much he really loved Freddie. I was looking at him and I had a desire to caress him and comfort him but instead, I had to stand aside.

"You can have everything and yet feel alone", Freddie once said. But I was glad Jim had his family and friends around him, who cared and protected him. Jim was going through sorrow and joy,both at the same time, it seemed.

During one of his many shananigans, I caught him messing around with his niece's boyfriend.

He sat him on his knees and imitated sexual intercourse. It would seem offensive and utterly crazy to someone who didn´t know him. But we all did. Jim was laughing like crazy and when he finally looked at me, he seemed a little embarrassed by his behavior and gave me a look that said"I hope you won´t tell on me to Freddie"...but it was hard to take him seriously.

We both smiled conspiratorially at each other. In that sense, our relationship no matter how short-lived, was special. We understood one another in thoughts. He winked at me a couple of times, tapping my beer like an old buddy.

In one moment in particular, Jim leaned over me and whispered: "You as a fan have right to be crazy, but them" ... pointing at our dancing group of friends ... " they are fucked up", he said with smile and he began to knock his finger against his forehead. An international gesture that doesn´t need an interpreter!

Jim then went to the toilets for a while, and I, like a stray sheep, followed him through crowds of oblivious dancers. He was somewhat drunk at that time and barely retained a balance. He staggered a little like a broken tree. No surprise after god knows how many Red bulls and vodkas! I was bit afraid for him, so I supported him inconspicuously by both shoulders from behind. He went to the toilet and cared too little to even close the door behind him. If anyone was looking, he would see Jim Hutton pissing in a toilet bowl in his bright canary shirt.

At that moment they played the most touching song of all, These are the Days of our lives .... I stood by the door and listened, watching the band and waited for Jim. I don´t know why, perhaps because of the fate that brought me here, I suddenly felt terrible sorrow. I was sorry for Freddie and Jim. Tears poured into my eyes. I didn´t cry, but was very close to it. Jim suddenly appeared next to me and noticed my face. "What about those tears? I hope you don´t cry", but at this stage I was lost for words. His concern made me sad even more. Something inside me forced me to caress him. I hugged him gently around his neck and put my head on his shoulder for a moment. I wanted to let him know that I am very sorry about what happened to Freddie. He did not resist. He knew he wasn´t the only one in the world who was missing him. I looked into his eyes, and I told him a sentence that I didn´t know why I said, but I strongly felt it..."Jim, he's here, he IS here." His expression was rather confused at first. "Do you believe me?" ... I said this with a seriousness and a certain degree of self-assurance that he froze for a while. He looked thoughtful. He knew what I was talking about.

I seemed to only confirm his inner conviction. He didn´t say a word. He wiped my tear away with the edge of his hand and without warning, took me firmly by the hand and led me through crowds back to our friends. There was a lot of care and love in his touch. The music was just playing and Freddie just sang "I still love you" and I knew he did.

I didn´t want to leave, but I knew I said everything I needed to. I could not leave without saying goodbye. It would be a sin after all this to just disappear into eternity. I interrupted him from the conversation with someone else, leaned over the table and said, "Jim, I'm leaving now, so I want to say goodbye, it was great pleasure meeting you." I smiled as much as my heart allowed me to and shook his hand. He stared up and thought for a moment, and then, without any hesitance said, "We do not see each other for the last time." I didn´t know at this time how true his words were.

I thought I did not understand well, so I asked again, "sorry?" and he repeated patiently and more resolutely, "I shall surely see you again," while taking my hand into his hands and kissing it gently.

He left me in amazement. I stumbled out from there perplexed but still I could hear him talking about me to someone there. He probably said he hadn´t seen a bigger nutcase in a long time, assuming from his cute teddybear smile. Gosh I loved him so much!

The next day I learned from my friends that Jim was looking next morning for his jacket that he had forgotten in his car. Few days later, I've sent him the promised photographs. Jacquie confirmed that he called in to say he had received them allright.”

2001

“...And then I returned back to Ireland in 2004.

I had the opportunity to welcome Jim to my own home in Carlow sometime in 2006. He was Stephen´s surprise. When the door opened up, I didn´t see him at first.

Then his head popped out from the side of the door and with a laugh he emerged a bit later. He hugged me like we hadn´t seen each other for million years. What I felt at that moment was indescripable. My dear Jim back in my life and in my own house!

We all sat in the living room, Jim settled down on the sofa, I was sitting on the ground and absorbed the precious moments because I knew time spent with him was only borrowed time. Then we watched Queen videos and talked about Freddie as if he were in the next room. It was so surreal. Me and Jim agreed that our favorite video was Scandal, and he just added that Freddie didn´t like it very much because he couldn´t make any creative input in it, although he loved the song.

Then we talked about his illness, about him taking up to 40 pills a day to sustain his health and he also explained the difference between AIDS and HIV, as many people still didn´t know. We have talked so much and - above all - we laughed all night, almost at everything. It was so easy to succumb to his funny personality once again and to his heartfelt laughter. He made jokes about fancying my ex-boyfriend, whom he lied on top of on the sofa. Long time ago, I´ve sent him a letter explaining to him how Freddie has impacted my life. But I've forgotten I´ve ever written it and now I was faced with the horror that I actually have sent it. I hoped he has forgotten about it, but when Jim and I met in the corridor of our house, I couldn´t but apologize to him for that letter, and for being so daring. To my surprise, he looked at me softly with his tired eyes and assured me that my letter was absolutely fascinating. Then we were interrupted by Stephen, who was just leaving a toilet and the conversation was cut short at that point. Unfortunatelly I would never have the chance to find out what was the next thing he was about to say, because I noticed he wanted to continue, if he weren´t interrupted.

When we were saying goodbye at the door, he treated me as an old friend. He simply kissed me on the lips, which utterly shocked me and made me laugh at the same time.

He invited us back to his house to have a little party, but my ex-boyfriend was not in the perfect mood and so we politely declined, which I will forever regret!

About a year after that I bumped into Jim several times in the city where we both lived, or we exchanged text messages whenever I needed to advise what room flowers would be best for our new house. Sometimes I learnt about how he´s doing through my ex-boyfriend, who used to hang out with him and drink few pints in a night bar. Once my ex confessed how Jim told him that I was a great person and he should be happy to have me. They must have been talking about me!!!!

Then I met Jim one night in the nightclub, where he was with his friends. He spent most of his time sitting in the lounge smoking a cigarette, having fun with younger girls. Wherever he was, you heard his laughter. That night my ex-boyfriend arranged for Jim and me to have a dance together.

Jim was just dancing on the dancefloor with some older woman. I remember he had his jumper tied around his waist. I just got onto the dancefloor, he looked at me all serious and pulled me close to him. It was some tediously slow song that I can´t even remember, I just know that we were staggering from side to side like two handiccaped penguins and that made me laugh hysterically.

He was such a clown! Now, however, I consider this moment as one of the most precious memories of him. It was my night.

Back in 2009, I have learned that Jim was diagnosed with cancer. My ex-boyfriend told me how concerned Jim was when informing him. He said, he wept. At that time I didn´t know how serious the situation was and I hoped Jim will get better in no time. I believed the doctors would somehow help him out of it. I saw him a little later at work when he came to our restaurant for breakfast.

I almost served him as another customer, but when I realized it was him, I pulled myself back into the kitchen and let the other girls serve him. He never noticed. I was in such state of shock. I didn´t know what to do, how to act and what to say. He was so thin, just skin and bone. His face was sinking, his eyes full of pain, a small tube leading from his nose to the oxygen device he carried in his backpack and a small canvas hat on his head. I couldn´t believe this was Jim, whom I have remembered being so full of life and joy only half a year ago. I wanted to cry like never before. I also felt embarassed by my own cowardly reaction. I wished more than anything in my life to hug him and say I loved him. I wanted to wish him a happy Christmas. But I was scared of my own tears, which would not help him in his situation.

I wrote him a message on the phone, but he didn´t respond. And then I got the terrible news. Jim died and somehow I also missed his funeral. I took a first taxi and went at least to his months Mass and visited his grave, bringing him daffodils and little white lantern with candle. It was so hard for me. His relatives stood above his grave. I said my prayers in a minute of silence. The air didn´t move and the moon was full in the night sky. It was dark and cold all around but I didn´t care.

I wanted to see him laugh and mess around like he used to. It was as if another star had disappeared and fell to the earth. If only life could last forever.”

2006-2010

Credits to Seraphiel’s blog. Please don’t repost without credits.

[humanbra]

Tagged by @mego42 (thank you! I exist???????)

1. Name/Nickname: Alice

2. Pronouns: she/her

3. Star Sign: Capricorn

4. Height: 1,74m

5. Time: 13h25

6. Birthday: January

7. Fave Bands: Queen, The Pretty Reckless, The Beach Boys

8. Fave Solo Artists: Adele, Ava Max, Billie Eilish, Ella Mai, Khalid, Lady Gaga, Clara Luciani

9. Song stuck in my head: well now that I’ve written the beach boys I have I get around in my head, who knows how long that’s gonna last

10. Last Show: The Good Fight

11. Last Movie: rewatched avengers: endgame for crying and pain purposes (: 

12. When Did I Create This Blog: about a year! still don’t understand shit!

13. What Do I Post: next to nothing! because i don’t understand this hell site! :)

14. Last Thing I Googled: intestines inflammation (i’m having issues. it’s painful. this tagging game is getting way more personal than intended)

15. Other Blogs: i already can’t manage the one i have

16. Why I Chose My URL: inspired by the icon liz lemon <3

17. Do I Get Asks: i don’t think so?????

18. Following: idk :/ not much

19. Followers: idk :/ NOT much

20. Average Hours Of Sleep: 8 to 9

21. Lucky Number: 10 I guess?

22. Instruments: used to play the piano now i play a little ukulele, way easier, except i don’t have any rhythm 

23. What Am I Wearing: jeans & long sleeves (but they are pretty items alright?????)

24: Dream Trip: away from my house and everyone i know

25. Favourite Food: if it’s FOOD then rice, if it’s MEAL then idk too many choices why do you ask, but also salmon spaguetti

26. Nationality: French

27. Languages: well french, english, and spanish (trying to learn german *clown emoji*)

28. Favourite Song: oh come onnnnn that’s too hard (bohemian rhapsody)

29. Last Book Read: Tina Fey’s biography

30. Top 3 Fictional Universes I’d Like To Live In: 30 Rock, Harry Potter (unless I’m a muggle that shit’s embarassing take it back) annnnnnd wandavision 60′s? idk sounds fun

I’m late to the party sooooooo

thanks for coming bye *hand emoji*

[popculturebuffet]

Toons For Our Times: The Loud House: Strife of The Party/ Kernel of Truth

Lana plans her and Lola’s party with copius amonts of dirt and garabage while Lola tries sabotaging it and I struggle to figure out which one we’re supposed to be rooting for exactly.  Meanwhile Lincoln and Co find an abandoned news room and attempt to start their own news show with the immediate threat of cancelation hanging over their heads. You know like most shows on nick. Also Rusty gets hurt a lot which automatically makes this a winner. News Team Assemble, under the cut. 

Well this week was a mixed bag.. which granted could apply to this week as a whole but I meant it specifically for this episodes. Like last week one of them is a true classic that uses the series new status quo to create something intresting, and the other... is the worst episode i’ve reviwed so far. Yes not even one week and the show managed to go from having a boring episode to having a truly odious one. Both metaphorcially and literally as there’s a lot of grossout gags this time around. And unfortuantely since i’ts first in the pairing and the airing, I have to talk about it first. Pitter Patter, let’s get this over with. 

Strife of the Party I”m not exaggerating either. I admit I was hard on Schooled! and Family Bonding, but the former sitll had some good content and the latter was .. well it’s still a boring lazy retread with a bonkers ending, but I admitted to having seen worse. But “I’ve seen worse” is never the best defense. I’ll admit usually I avoided the worse episodes of the loud house. I haven’t seen some of the more infamous episodes of the show like “No Such Luck” or “Kings of the Con”.. because as just a viewer I could skip an episode if it sounded like toilet dinner. Sure i’ve still ran into them: “Study Muffin” was just eh when it aired but now both post me too and post chris savino being rightfully fired for being a harassing dickweasel thanks to said movement, it’s realy fucking creepy, has Lori at her worst (Actively trying to cheat on bobby), and .. I have no third thing. All we really got out of it was Lynn Sr’s obsession with the British. And “The Green House”’s reputation proceeds it and there’s a reason I couldn’t finish it. Point is i’ve been lucky to only step in a few cowpies in the field of this show, and now i’m watching it as it comes out i’m accepting the hard truth that with the show’s hit and miss quality, i’m going to have to go panning in shit creek some weeks if I want to find the nuggets of gold.  Now I will grant this episode doesn’t sound NEARLY as bad as “No Such Luck”.. but as opus would say....

Exactly my Pengy pal. Again not being worse than the worst episode of the show, still dosen’t make you a good episode. It just makes you marginally less terrible. It’s like saying Creed isn’t as bad as Nickelback. While tha’ts true they both still sound terrible, it’s just playing Creed isn’t a warcrime in some countries. And yes I just compared two episodes of a children’s show to bands my audience thankfully likely weren’t aware ever existed, I don’t care. If you haven’t left my blog running and screaming your either new here or tolerate me being an obscure weirdo.  

Before we get in proper, I haven’t covered the twins yet so let’s do that quick. I haven’t really watched a ton of Lola and Lana’s episodes, their not bad characters htey just don’t intrest me much as i’ve seen their gimmicks a lot, but I will say lola’s slightly better and I will say I like Lana more when she’s doing animal antics instead of grossout. Not terirble characters and their acted well, just not my cup of tea is all. Okay enough stalling , pitter patter!

We open with Lola planning the twins upcoming birthday and talking to her stuffed animals which is cute and all.. before a POSSUM CHESTBURSTS OUT OF LOLA’S UNICORN DOLL. 

The.. the fuck. Look i’m all for scaring the crap out of kids in children’s entertainment. I loved Courage the Cowardly dog as a kid and as a grown ass man writing about children’s entertainment. I love the lich from adventure time, i’m okay with scaring kids. But this is just.. a bit too realistic. Yes really. While  doll that size probably can’t fit a possum it could sure fit something else and i’ve seen stuffed animals big enough for a posssum, so yeah.. this could actually happen to one of my nieces and that thought terrifies me. It happening to me also terrifies me but I’m a grown man not a small child who’d be scarred for life. Christ.  The episode does get better, for a second I didn’t bitch for a few paragraphs for nothing. Lana comes in, claims the demon possum, and tells Lola she’ll fix the doll. Uh Lana i’m not sure she wants it back.. you’d be better off burning it and setting the possum free in a republican center’s home where it belongs. 

Anyways Lana has a good point, Lola’s been plannig their parties ‘since before they were born”.. literally as the image above shows which is just.. fucking amazing. I cannot belivie they got to go there and it’s glorious they did. I can’t think of many, if any, other chlidren’s cartoons that showed a fetus on screen so kudos. 

But yeah that was the one good moment of the episode. Next our twins go to a party suply store where Lola, clearly knowing the host well because these kids have connections, has her stash all the poop colored stuff away... which backfires as lana instead goes to the garbage for party favors and decorations. It fails to get better: Next they go to a bakery where Lana makes her own literal garbage cake and then go to flips for entertainment i.e. a bull. NOw i’ll grant both stops have good bits: The cake store guy asks if Lana’s a cop when she asks for grime and Flip has them sign a waver for the bull. And the bull being lana’s idea of entertainment makes sense.. but overal it just comes off as gross and mean spirited. I mean yes Lola’s about to do some terrible stuff herself and yes Lola ouvershadowed lana.. but she dosen’t deserve this abuse and none of this is healthy or tolerbale for.. well anyone, and could get the Loud Parents in serious trouble, which also leaves the obvious plot hole of “why don’t they step in in either situation. “ 

The episode would’ve made more snese if Lana went to them to get them to let her host the party and their guilt over letting Lola always do it means they don't’ reign her in despite wanting to. Instead their just.. there at the end for a great bit we’ll get to. It’s always the bad episodes that paint the loud parents as terrible parents honestly. No Suck Luck had them cast their son out into the cold over nonsense, On Thin Ice had Lynn Sr decide forcing his children to embarass themselves was more important than teaching one of them that maybe sometimes you don’t always get to force your family to obey your whims for dumb reasons, and the april fools eps have Lynn Sr so terrified of pranking retribution instead of you know.. GROUNDING Luann for going full joker on their asses. IN most episodes their kind and reasonable but it’s always the bad ones where they instead make Homer Simpson look like a good parent. 

But yeah my rant aside the episode COULD work if Lola, encouraged by one of her other siblings, Luann would be a good bet as she could easily slide into the party setting when appropriate without being too distracting, realizes she’s been selfish and tries to hold her tounge for lana’s sake. Maybe then she tries sabotage.. or better she DOSEN’T, but both of them realize something; Lola realizes she’s been doing this to lana their whole lives by forcing her into a party she doesn’t  like so LOLA can be happy while Lana realizes she’s being no better. Hell even if Lola did complain, which is in character, this plot woudl still work. instead.. Lana is just as bad as Lola while Lola is still pretty terrible.  See the big problem is that NEITHER girl is likeable. As I’ve made clear Lana pushes a gross, dangerous party on her sister she clearly doesn’t like, and Lola, instead of trying tot alk to her parents or get Lana to tone it down.. tries to guide her to what she wants, then when that fails sabotages the party, makes it so Lana has nothing and gets her party. Both sides are being really bad, but instead of them realizing this, lana is treated as the one we should be sympathetic to when she gets mad when she finds out about Lola even though NEITHER of them are sympathetic or likeable and deserve to win 100%. But Lana does, lana gets her way, Lola apologizes and hte paradigm just shifts from one sibling being unhappy to another. We do get that one gag I talked about where when lola goes to make things right she has Lynn Sr stall and he pulls out a cowbell “You thought I wasn’t going to need this”. No bud, Rita HOPE you wouldn’t need this. There’s a difference. Thank god it’s the end. 

Final Thoughts for Strife of the Party: They should be obvious but to be clear this is hippo excrement. i’ts not funny, it makes both it’s leads look bad, the parents look worse by inaction and  just isn’t pleasant ot watch. I do GET the show has a young audience, and they like grossout, I get i’m not the target demographic, so I probably would just be okay with a good version of this episode.. but even with that in mind both twins come off so unlikeable it’s just not fun to watch or to see Lana win as she didn’t feel like she earned it. It’s bad and it should feel bad, and i’ts the first truly odious episode i’ve had for weekly coverage. I’ve had okay or eh ones, but this one is truly bad and belongs in the pantheon of bad loud house episodes.. or at least in the honrable mentions. Good gravy this blew. 

Kernel of Truth

Okay now we’ve panned the gold nugget out of the crap creek, we can get on with the GOOD episode this week. I was excited for this one.. I was excited for both actually, even not being a huge fan of the twins I liked the idea of a loud birthday but as we just saw,.. didn’t work out so good. But this one while I thought it would just be average, promised another lincrew shenanigan and I like most of those i’ve seen, and plus I knew it’d allow me to refrence anchorman a bunch so i was llike :Fuck it let’s go”.. and this one ended up being REALLY damn good and probably one of the best episodes with this group i’ve seen, right up there with “Be Stella My Heart.” I’ts good stuff. But before we get into it you probably noticed my ranting about girl jordan but turns out, while I haven’t watched that episode, she’s in the sand field trip episode from last season hanging out with stella so I have an answer to if they forgot abotu her, they didn’t they just need to use her more, and a new ship so i’m satisfied and I apologize for bitching about it. Next time i’ll just check the wiki and see before I bitch about something. ON with the review. 

We open with our motely crew searching for a hidden Game Room rusty’s cousin claims exists, with Stellas as lookout and the guys.. er all in stacks that make it look like their doing a team up move from donkey kong country 2? 

I mean I have been playing the game a lot since it came to switch online, seriously if you have the service go play it, but i’m not hte only one seeing this right? Right.  So yeah the kid stack fails and Zach doubts Rusty’s story.. because when has rusty ever been right.. well apparently just this one time, but we’ll get to that. They even checked the boiler room. 

And then promptly vowed never to go back to the boiler room while Principal RAmierz just sighed at having to deal with a freddy kruger infestation again. They loose more children that way and the school board JUST got him out of the high school.  Liam also gets the line of the episodes when he calls the group “Fellas and Stellas” Which is just objectively amazing and needs to be used every time this group appares from now o. Luckily= Stella noticed another closed door, this one taped off instead of just with a keep out sign and the Fellas and Stellas make their way inside and find themselves in.. a news room! But it’s nto a fox news room so it actually had news in it once and not Tucker Carlson, the answer to what happens to an 80′s or 90′s yuppie scumbag villian after they fail to get the orphange paved over for condos

Anyway, our heroes alll ohhh and all while Zach thinks this is where children are harvested. Nah Zach they just call them up on the pa system.

So everyone does what’s natural to them: Zach and Liam inspect the cameras, Stella looks at the old mic because she’s a natural for being an on camera personality and Rusty.. oggles an old group shot of the news team. You know I may not hate him with the hatred of a hundred suns, but he’s still objectively the worst. Zach gets mad at him over it because “That’s my mom”. Rusty defends himself by calling her hot and while th. no please god no dont’ talk about women like that you creepy little weatherbeaten Chucky doll that somehow became a real boy, or had dustin diamond transfer his soul into it befrore he died. Either is possible. The point is Ewww. The other point is while Rusty’s being his usual living proof of while he’ll die alone Zach has no right to get upset , AT FIRST because how the hell would Rusty know that’s hsi mom. You two have the combined braincell of a dead feret. Stella is the only one out of all 6 of you evenmy boy liam who has more than one brain cell. This argument is stupid and I hate you both,  just settle things in the most humane way possible.. or at least THIS is what I consider the most humane way possible. 

So while those two are being as stupid as expected, Lincoln suggets fixing the place and becoming the new school news crew. I mean they’d need new equipment since even if the stuff there still works’ it’s all worn out 80′s tech none of you know how to use but given their seen with a modern camera later int he episode, I assume they just sold this off and got new cameras. Even if the show flopped, more on that in a minute, the principal could still use those for other projects so it’s a win win. Stella Zhau agrees.. and FINALLY has a last name. Like holy shit i’ve been waiting a full season for this and it feels like that bit was JUST to give her a last name. Now they just need to do Liam but still, I needed this one more. Plus it also means we can now firmly say she’s chinese. Neat!

So after that blockbuster reveal Stella wonders where Rusty is, because fuck if I know, and they all find him continuing to oggle zach’s mom at their age....

Zach snatches it away and crumples up understandably annoyed. Rusty’s response is about what you’d expect. 

So once Liam’s done throwing that calender into the school furnace, and saying hi to freddy as he passes the boiler on the way, our team heads to the principal to plead their case. They run into Meryl, the identical in personality, plot function and apperance outside of wearing pink instead of yellow to Cheryl, the receptionest at the elementary school who I really liked and it’s a clever way to keep the character at both schools and pays off the runnig gag of Cheryl asking liincoln or clyde who looks better her or her sister by having said sister show up and ask the same. Good stuff. 

Meryl ends up agreeing to let them go see the wizard, I mean Principal Rameriz, because her soap is on. Also clyde’s a fan to his friends blank stares. Come on guys he watches romance movies, of course he’s going to love drama shows, even the non teen ones. I now imagine he joins the loud sisters on their riverdale nights. Riverdale the clusterfuck that has something for all of them: Teen drama and shirtless hunks for Lori and Leni, Music and scantly clad “teens’ of both genders and neither gender for Luna, something to laugh at for Luann who probably loves mst3king stuff, and violence for Lucy.. dosen’t seem like it’d be Lynn’s thing honestly but I rest my case. Also the rest of the sisters are too young but the parents figure Lucy’s desentised enough to violence and blind enough to sex to make an exception. 

Now that fun headcanons out of the way our heroes pitch the principal whose skeptical, as the 80′s news show ended because it was boring, much like why that 80′s show ended. That and it was a bunch of 80′s pop culture refrences strung together. I do have a minor nitpick that it seems odd a school room would be in disuse for this long, but given the Principal has apparently spent years looking for aformetioned game room as we find out in the end, the school blueprints are apparnelty lost to the ages or if they exist are some sort of ancient treasure map buried beneath the school drawn in blood by an old witch. I mean this universe has cherry hating peach loving spies now, i’ not ruling anything out. 

But our heroes beg them: Clyde has journalism experince on the school paper, Stella has the dedication and heart and Rusty .. thinks people need to see his face on camera. Rusty as far as we know your face functions like the vdieo from the ring and everyone in school is going to die 7 days after seeing it on film. That’s my theroy and i’m sticking to it. Thankfully everyone else is just as annoyed with him as me for once, and we get the glorious shot above of everyone just looking.. done with his antics and wondering why they keep him around. Finally for once I agree iwth the characters on something rusty related. Let’s show that agian. 

Poetry. You can just feel the levels of “So done with this crap” seeping from every poor.. except for Poor Lincoln who just wishes his best friends and rusty woudl stop using him as furniture, and Liam whose covered but probably very much on team “Rusty Stop Being Yourself your blowing this for us”. They even have an action news pose.. which is botha dorable and breaks the principal’s bust of herself, so she relucntantly agrees to get them out of there. Plus as I said there’s really no loss for her here. If their sucessful the school gets a new elective, something to put on the tv’s every morning, a way to do announcments so she dosen’t have to, and free good publicity for her next bonus. If not.. then she has somehwere to store her new cameras she can use for other stuff, and come up with something else to do with the media lab. Either way she wins. Plus iwth phones and stuff noawaydays they only need the one new camera.  Okay before we move on confession time: I was on a school tv news show’s crew myself. Not in middle school, we werne’te that lucky but in high school we had video media, an elective where seniors edited news segments and what not for the school’s WhamTV program. I hope i’ts still around honestly. I started on a field crew doing stories but my awkardenss and a blow up at my partner where my awkward rage prone ass threatned him by accident, got me bumped to doing credits.. which I genuinely loved. I got to something fun, creative and unique, I was still part of hte intros every week, and I got plenty of time to goof off and watch videos. It’s how I found channel awesome and first got to watch atop the fourth wall since it wasn’t on youtube back then, back before you know, it turned out Doug was abusing all of them and younger me was just unaware of it. But it was still good times so this episode does feel a bit nostalgic for me. But enough teary eyed reminciings of ten years ago, back to the plot. Our heroes air their newscast. It’s the Middle School Action News with with your Anchors Lincoln Loud and Clyde McBride, Stella Zhao in the field, Rusty Spokes on Sports for.. some reason, Cameraman Liam Wedon’tknowhislastname and Zach Gurdle somewhere out of the way. Middle School Action News, always on, always free.. no wiat tha’ts pluto. Middle School Action News, Taste the rainbow. Middle School Action News.. The Good Guys Always Win, Even in The 80′s. Yeah that’ll do! 

But yeah while our heroes try their best, and to their credit this does feel like a middle school news show. The writers not our heroes. Anyways Lincoln and Clyde banter and we get our first segment Stella trying to interview mr. Bohlmer about his birthday.. which goes about as well as doing anything for him on ron swansons’ birthday. 

Next we have Rusty on sports.. which I questioned when I first say this but as obonxious as Rusty can be.. yeah this is the best place to have him. Stella has the drive and the talent to be their field reporter, Clyde and Lincoln have a lifelong report that does well for the desk, Liam is nice and patient enough for camera work, and Zach is a paranoid weirdo so he probably has experince editing since thats where I assume where he is since htey ddon’t do weather and even if they did Liam’s just not the right shade of oblivoiusly nuts. 

I do however at least get why they keep him around as Rusty needs someone to get fed up with him.. but as the above moment showed Clyde and Stella can do that easily, as can Lincoln, so he really has no functional purpose other than as a B-Grade dale gribble. ANd I know kids don’t know who that is but they frankly deserve better. Seriously Zach...

Okay getting back to the segement. For starters Rusty does a breath spray first.. but suprisingly despite interviewing a lady, specifically Lynn, he DOSEN’T hit on her and is actually professional and manages to get a quote despite her disintrest. LIke I know it’s the bare minimum but you’ve met rusty right? the Bare Minimum is hard for him to grasp. Earlier this episode he was oggling old pictures of his friends mom and saying he should take it as a compliment which, Hard No. So the fact hours later he’s talking to a woman without radiating creep after that is an achivment. For him and him alone mind you, most kids should know better. But still I may be hard on the kid, because DAMN is it fun and damn if he dosen’t give me plenty of joke fodder, but I will give him credit even if it’s the bare minmum. Good job rust you passed the very basic plateau of human decency. 

Stella wraps things up with a look at the cafteria that’s about what you’d expect from a kids cartoon, shoe int he beans etc. Unfortuantley bean shoes, sportz and angry assholes aren’t enough to float the show and the principal is ready to can it.  On hte bright side they have their first lawsuit from Mr. Bohlmer. I mean John Olvier idnd’t start getting sued by dickheads with no real case till he was 30, nicely done kids. And it’s not even why, it’s just boring and the kids aren’t enjoying it. So Stella, being again the one with her own brain cells here, proposes to let them find a big story, and Ramirez reluctantly but graciously agrees. And that’s why I like her so far. Don’t get me wrong having Steven Tobolowsky as principal was great, but I like Rameriz better: she’s smart, weary of the crap she puts up with and tough but fair.. which is a cliche btu fits here: She’ll be honest with her kids but will give them an honest chance and sees our news team really doees want this bad and her giving htem one more day to find something actally intresting is more than fair.  So our heroes spitball about what to do for news. LIam suggests alien because again he has about one character trait, so everyone tells him for hte last time no. I mean it isn’t much worse than his last suggestion. 

So once agian it’s RUSTY who saves the day, bringing in beet snacks.. which he tries to get them not to stone him over over the fact the popcorn was all gone.. which okay 1) I get the show’s tring to be healthy so maybe ther’es not chips, but I have a hard time buying that there’s no Chez Its, snack packs or other goodies between “Popcorn’ and “something with beetz that only two men would eat” For the record those two men are Dwight Schrute, for obvious reasons, and this guy my boy Tony Chu. 

I highly recommend this comic, Chew for the record, to anyone. Just.. anyone whose not a children it gets voilent, but it is sublime. We’re not here for that, but I thought i’d plug it. It also has a spinoff currently running, Chu, following his criminal sister. Also real good and dosen’t really spoil anything for hte main series thus far so you can hop in there instead. Either way your in for a ride.  Back on topic, while Rusty failed with snacks he actually brings up a good point: The popcorn isn’t just gone because it’s late in the school day, but because as the kids notice, it’s just missing in general despite the trucks arriving. They have their story and head out to investigate.  And suprisingly, unlike last week’s investigation they find something: A mysterious hooded figure bribing the driver for popcorn, and taking it off somewhere. They fail to catch her, as Rusty dives over her telling Liam to “Make sure you get this”.. he instead gets a shrub and video of him attacking a shrub. I’ts a good runner and shows the writers are leanring to use Rusty better.  They take the footage to the principal, who is impresssed, but states they need to find out who dun it for the story to be complete which is fair enough. They stalk out the nexxt delivery time later that night, but find the drivers have been switched and the mystery person has fled to canada. Rusty once again tries catching her and fall sin the water. Liam once again responds with a cheerful “Don’t worry rusty I got it”.. okay this dynamic is honestly better than him and Zach: Cheerful oblivious Liam and scheming dumbass rusty. Why isn’t THIS the “Those Two Guys” dynamic in the group, honestly. 

Anyways Lincoln is dispondent the next day as iwth no leads, they have no programa nd prepares to do a spider-man no more with his anchorsuit.. which okay 1) you can use that for other things man. Peter Parker can’t really use a spider-man suit for anything but spider-manning but you can use that suit for dates and dances and stuff. and 2).. whya re he and the clyde the only ones with outfits? I mean.. it’s clear from this episode there will be more school news stories nad it just looks weird that they get to play dressup in suits but the rest of the crew isn’t. Liam at leat is working the camera and Zach is Zach but rusty and Stella are field reporters. Field reporters, while not always, usually get nice suits too guys. 

ANyways Lincoln finds something in the garbage. And not his sister this time, as Lana oscar the grouched it up lat episode in sadness. Which to be fair will be her future career mark my words. At least I think that’s a career. Anyways, our heros find a ferry ticket meaning whoever fled to Canada is in the building. They trail some popcorn from the ticket to the locked door from earlier, which Rusty, finishing the rule of three, tries knocking it down hwile Liam gets it. Stella, again proving to be the real hero of this tale, uses her hair as a lockpick. Is.. is there anythign this child can’t do? She and Marcy should swap notes sometime damn. 

And the culprit is MERYL! She was using the popcorn for insulation to get a quite room to herself and begs the kids not to tell which. is the weaker part of the episode> We don’t have the investment in Meryl we do in Cheryl, and she did you know.. steal school property.. or at least buy it off under the table. But the kids being the sweet kids they are understandably, schemes or not don’t want her  to loose her job, and agree to not tell on her even if they loose their show. And to their creid and what keeps this from sinking the episode Meryl is genuinely greatful for this gesture, and gives them the scoop.  And as i’ve been mentioning turns out RUSTY WAS RIGHT. Yes Rusty. That Rusty. Was Right about something. The Game Room exists. They find it thorugh a hidden locker entrance and unlock it from the inside, with af lodo of viewers coming in. Granted at first I didn’t know why Meryl didn’t just use this room but then I thought “Oh yeah she’s a full grown adult and can’t fit in the entrance and i’m assuming it was locked from the other side to the rest of the school”. So the kids have a new hangout and as the principal joins them, they havea  show! Turns out she’d been looking for this place for years.. and doesn’t turn it into something else. What a legend. She plays Air Hockey with Meryl, is there something going on there or are my shipping goggles acting up.. probably both. Anyways our heroes have genuine thanks, a fun new hangout at school, their own headquarters and their own news show. It’s a heck of a day but it’s no time to rest as Rusty tells them he has another tip and i’ts off... to pick up a broom to sweep up the gumball machine they knock over.. THEN they can go find the hot tub for the teachers lounge. 

Final Thoughts:  OH me mow, this was a great one. For one the main complaint I had I mentioned at Schooled! of it not feeling like Lincoln’s friends were given enough personality sometimes? Gone enitrely. Everyone except Clyde and Zach get a moment and Clyde is still fully present and has gotten several focus episodes at this point, while Zach again should just leave already. But the rest of them? All on form. Stella continues to prove her competence, energy and adorability, Rusty is not only actually useful for once but was actually really funny his episode. The gag with Zach’s mom was actually pretty hilarious, my jabs at him aside, and the runner of him trying to do some epic stunt, telling Liam to film it and then humiliating himself while his pal cheerfully tells him he got it is just great and Lincoln’s Spider-Man no more moment with his suit was both said and kinda funny and I love him and Clyde’s reporter outfits. It’s why I wanted everyone to have them, especially since this will be a recurring theme and looks to be a fun one. It was fun, creative, and took me back a decade. It was a REALLY damn good one and I’m glad I watched this one first, a true highlight of the series and a true good sign that the season can, even with some hiccups, will apparnetly have some REALLY great episodes on average even with the weaker ones.  That’s it for this week... and somehow for loud house coverage as, for now, their doesn’t’t seem to be any new episodes in October, but that could change. Until then, follow this blog every Monday for regular ducktales coverage and come back in October for more loud house, more the Casagrandes  and some spooky spooky fun Until then, Go team venture. 

[mxbitters]

i’ve been doodling in a random notebook and like yell singing to every song on bullets, then out of curiosity i looked through that notebook and LMAO it was from around the end of my freshman year of high school when i was just coming out as trans,, ok more like that summer,, BRO first of all the difference in my idealized self portraits from back then vs my idealized self portraits now are HILARIOUS (i’ll post later, lmao i can draw so much better than i could back then-) at some point i was having some sort of breakdown and literally HAND WROTE “qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm” (i mean everybody has their methods but what the fuck was happening w me..) and also i’m reading some.. poem?  i don’t know.  about wanting to be a punk and honestly i used the word “purchase” too much for my own good i mean mind you i was talking about hair dye and a leather jacket (lmaooooooooooooooooooooo @ just coming out me,, i have 3,,,, loser <3 ) but like at the same time like damn i gotta say i’ve come pretty far since then wait i’ll type word for word like this is wild.  and mind you i was still hella like stereotypical emo i don’t think i even listened to against me! or anything at that point hell this was before i even saw green day anyway i’m gonna make commentary and bully this kid i unfortunately was in parenthesis 

“i want to go to target (LMAOOO) & purchase (1) black hairdye & spiking hair gel (sweetie.. no not yet), familiarize myself with the sensation of clippers against my head (ok i vibe w that). i want to fill the bathroom with the perfume of the dye & black nail polish. i want to scare them off with a single glance as if i’m a skeleton, the grim reaper, and am coming for them (i am sO glad i write better than this now). i want to go to a thrift store & purchase (2) a leather jacket (sweetie i have 3 now), second hand like my heart and soul (did you have to add “soul?”), & get patches of all sorts (... i didn’t understand “punk,” now did i) to iron on & (stop dOING THAT) paint logos and lyrics on the back. i want to make spikes, boots, and belts my armor. i want to stretch my ears (UMM NO I DO NOT!!!) to the extent that i’m considered a threat (can you tell that i was really into pop punk at the time) i want to be a punk. (there’s a song for that!) i want to spend $35 on a binder (welp there it is) so i can flatten my chest and relax for once (RELAX???? damn i wish). i want to take a weekly syringe(is that what they even call it) full of hormones (just call it testosterone.. this is what taking back sunday meant by “worse than teenage poetry”), deepening my voice, eliminating my discomfort. i want to love myself & hate the government & know what living fast & dying young (NO....) feels like. i want to be a punk. (hon..) i want to make out with someone (nOW WE’RE TALKING!!), boy, girl, nonbinary, i don’t give a shit (i mean i woulda worded it some other way but ok kiddo) i just want to feel wildly in love blind to the rest of the world with passion (yeah ok here’s the thing i was going through a really fuckin’ rough breakup period..) i want to be the skinny shirtless boy jumping into the lake(.....?), pulling my best friends in by the leg laughing like an absolute idiot. i want to be a punk.”

anyway that was embarassing it appears actually i had just gotten into against me! at the time, the four fucking bands i listened to that sorta fit into that genre were am!, pansy division (not too much though i was an innocent littol boy), green day and the menzingers, also i had a serious “&” problem it appears.  anyway glad to go on this adventure with you also i couldn’t draw for shit i think i’d also just gone to warped tour bc i had seen hawthorne heights and i came home and started writing niki fm lyrics everywhere fdsdkjsakjlf

this was also apparently my embarassing phase where i listened to every cliche emo band BUT mcr because fourteen year old me apparently thought he was too cool for that lmao

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hello darling! Are you still doing fic recs? Because I am in dire need of self-conscious Sherlock. Don't ask me why but I am just craving sad, lonely little sherlock getting comforted by John. Help a girl out? Thanks so much either way!

Anonymous said to inevitably-johnlocked: Heyy darling, I just wanna say that I LOVE YOUR BLOG SM! Everyday I spend here looking at your posts and reading thousands of awesome fanfictions, so thank you lol 💜 Also, could you maybe give me a list of all fanfics with insecure!sherlock or insecure!john ? And lots of angst, like reading/watching/seeing things they weren’t supposed to see that has their love on it, stuff like that hahaha Thank you babe 🖤

Hi Lovelies! 

Always! I actually started a list a short while back because someone else asked for one but I can’t find the ask, LOL. I’ve actually done a post in the past for it, but I think I’ll just redo it and stamp it with Jan 2019, LOL. Here we are!

I know I have more but I haven’t retagged all my past readings, so I’ve only included ones that I remember indefinitely is an insecure Sherlock or John

INSECURE / AWKWARD SHERLOCK OR JOHN (Jan. 2019)

See also:

BedSharing Pt. 2 and Insecure Sherlock

BAMF! But Insecure John

Bands by dragonQuill907 (T, 1,017 w. || Established Relationship, POV Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock) – “Her wedding ring. Ten years old at least. The rest of her jewelry has been regularly cleaned, but not her wedding ring. State of her marriage right there. The inside of the ring is shinier than the outside – that means it’s regularly removed. The only polishing it gets is when she works it off her finger.”

Secrets by 796116311389 (G, 1,084 w. || Drunk Sherlock, Drunk Confessions, Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Pining Sherlock) – “He is the best person in the world and sometimes I get sad because I’m not. Not his best person.”

Under The Covers by berlynn_wohl (E, 1,221 w. || Est. Rel., Shy Sherlock, Anal, Fluff) – John would have liked to have the lights on and seen everything, but Sherlock was shy, so they did it this way, always.

29 January 2017 by wearitcounts (Sher_locked_up) (E, 1,765 w. || Anniversary, First Time, Insecure Sherlock, Love Confessions, Post-S4) – “That,” John says, “should have happened years ago. Maybe even the first time.”

Loudly Unspoken by Mount_Seleya (M, 1,871 w. || Post-TAB, Love Confessions, Vulnerable Sherlock, Frottage) – John confronts Sherlock about the words he left unsaid on the tarmac. Set immediately after TAB.

The Marriage Proposal Negotiation by Goddess_of_the_Night (G, 2,161 w. || Dev. Rel., Possessive Sherlock, Insecure Sherlock, Fluff, First Kiss, Post Mary) – Sherlock hasn’t ever really done anything the traditional way, so of course it wouldn’t bother him to propose to John even though they’re not even dating. And the fact that John is already on a date with someone else when he decides to do it? Tedious.

Unmissed by 221b_hound (M, 3,235 w. || Est. Rel., Pet Names, Insecure Sherlock, Worried Sherlock) – John enjoys a good brawl during a case, and Sherlock begins to worry - when they retire, will John get bored? Will John get bored and leave. But even if John isn’t a genius about cases, he knows a thing or two about Sherlock’s panic attacks about them as a couple. With only four days till the wedding, he’s not about to let Sherlock continue with this misplaced notion that John will be bored in retirement. Part 20 of Unkissed

Untouched by KittieHill (E, 3,239 w. || Kissing, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock, Body Worship, Sherlock’s Scars Mentioned, Masturbation, PWP, Rimming) – Sherlock leaked a lot. John had never needed lubricant. John loved watching it, had once spent an entire afternoon edging Sherlock so he could watch as the thick precome drip, drip, dripped onto Sherlock’s belly.

Acceptable Behaviour by bbcatemysoul (M, 3,449 w. || Fluff, Dev. Rel., Miscommunication, First Time) – Sherlock isn’t really sure why John wants to shag him, but he’s certain that if he’s careful to behave properly about it, John can be persuaded to keep doing it. In other news, John is a good boyfriend and Sherlock is an idiot.

In Nomine by Atiki (E, 3,517 w. || Est. Rel., PWP, Anal, Domesticity, Love Confessions, Sherlock Loves John, Overwhelmed Sherlock) – “Alright?” John asks gently, planting a kiss on Sherlock’s left collar bone, smoothing a hand down his chest and belly until it rests in the soft trail of hair below his belly button. John’s smile is all soft and warm. His hand feels tender and solid and real. A soldier’s hand. A surgeon’s hand. A lover’s hand. Oh. “John”, Sherlock gasps. And that’s where it begins. Written for a prompt on the Kink Meme: The only word Sherlock says during sex is “John”.

MR# 1430155 by blueink3 (T, 3,560 w. || Talks of Parentlock, Baby Watson, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Fluff and Angst) – John paces the length of the not inconsiderable hallway and glances at his phone for the tenth time since he exited the hospital room seven minutes ago. Sherlock’s last text was sent at 5:06pm. It is now 5:39pm. He should be here by now. After all, his daughter is 46-minutes-old and if John is going to share this momentous event with someone, it sure as hell isn’t going to be the woman who just gave birth to her.Part 5 of Tumblr Prompts

Rumpled by WhimsicalEthnographies (E, 3,601 w. || Est. Rel., Insecure Sherlock, Fluff, PWP, Proposal, Bottomlock) – Then, halfway through a documentary on river otters that neither of them was paying attention to–how could John, with a gangly, limp consulting detective practically purring in his lap?–Sherlock suddenly bolted upright, looked at John with a perplexed expression and a crinkle above his nose, and blurted, “Marry me.” Part 4 of Longitudinal Cohort

Last Christmas by Mazarin221b (T, 3,911 w. || Fluff, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss) – That Earth-shaking revelation, then, leads to a problem, and one that Sherlock realizes should be solved quickly, before John’s dates turn into girlfriends or boyfriends, because sometimes girlfriends or boyfriends can turn into wives or husbands while your back is turned. Every time John hums happily at the mirror as he shaves, splashes on a little gift cologne Mrs. Hudson bought him for Christmas, Sherlock is drawn back to that night by the fire, and the way John’s touch had made the world stand still.

Hope Springs Eternal by QuinnAnderson  (T, 4,054 w. || Friends to Lovers, Pining Sherlock, Vacation, Anxious Sherlock, Love Confessions, Fluff, Requited Love) – John Watson and Sherlock Holmes go on holiday, and Sherlock has romance on the brain.

Everything by patternofdefiance (E, 4,409 w. || Snuggles and Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Frottage, Vulnerable Sherlock) – John wakes up with an armful of Sherlock.This – situation – is unusual, yes, and definitely unfamiliar, but in no way does it feel wrong.Rather, it feels the exact opposite. Part 13 of I Blame Tumblr

a violent flash of purple by hudders-and-hiddles (E, 4,749 w. || Sex Toys, Friends to Lovers, PWP, Love Confessions, Porn With Feelings) – When Sherlock accidentally drops his towel, he ends up revealing a whole lot more than he’d intended.

Bed-Sharing Between Flatmates by testosterone_tea (T, 5,053 w. || 5 and Ones, Bed Sharing, PTSD John, Science, Whump, Insecure Sherlock, Asexual Sherlock) – 5 times Sherlock had an excuse to share John’s bed, and the one time he didn’t need one.

The Only Available Transportation by blueink3 (T, 5,379 w. || Post S4, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Sherlock, Caring John, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Birthday, Family, Misunderstandings) – It’s possibly the desperation that’s seeped into his voice despite his best intentions, or perhaps it’s just a mother’s intuition, but she knows that whatever he’s calling about is Serious, hangover be damned. “What’s happened?” she asks, tone soft and as comforting as a hot cup of tea on a cold winter’s night. “Mummy,” he begins, voice catching. “I think John may be moving out.”

Tease You Till You Come by phoenix089 (E, 6,090 w. || First Time, Clueless Sherlock, Texting) – Initially, Sherlock was rather put out by John’s lack of presence on the case. But then he starts to receive pictures, several of them, of an unexpected nature. The case is forgotten rather quickly after that.

All the Flavours, Cherry and More by cwb (E, 6,274 w. || Est. Rel., Lip Gloss, Lingerie, Birthday Presents, Insecure Sherlock) – Sherlock feels a blush rising to touch his cheeks, more sensual than uncomfortable now that he knows John isn’t disgusted by him. No, John is responding exactly the way he had hoped.

The Inciting Incident by beetlemate (M, 6,291 w. || Masturbation, Embarassed Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Fluff, Friends to Lovers) – John catches Sherlock in a compromising position. With a secret photograph. He absolutely must know what is in that bloody photograph.

The Strait of Juan de Fuca by mightypog (T, 6,400 w. || Vacation, Love Confessions, Friends to Lovers, Canada, Post-TRF, Love Confessions) – Sherlock is back and all seems forgiven, but something is missing between him and John. Their friendship initially appears intact, but Sherlock doesn’t understand why John seems to be slipping away. Finally, in terror, he tries to reconnect with John by taking him to the one place that seems to inspire any emotional interest in John any more: the Canadian wilderness. While there, Sherlock faces his greatest fear.

Inside by magikspell (E, 6,757 w. || Loss of Virginity, Anal / Rimming, Fluff, Humour, Awkwardness, Shy Sherlock, Bottomlock) – “Being inside someone. Feeling someone inside you.”

Abatement by WhimsicalEthnographies (E, 6,816 w. || Est. Rel., Retirementlock, Fluff, Sherlock’s Self Esteem, Grumpy Sherlock) – “What’s wrong with you? You love the cottage,” John glances over to the passenger seat, then quickly turns his eyes back to the road. Driving was still not his forte, but considering Sherlock still couldn’t properly bend and lift his new knee enough to press and release the clutch, he had to make do. Not that Sherlock hadn’t tried to argue his way into the driver’s seat. “I love the cottage for a week or two, John. Don’t be deliberately obstuse,” Sherlock grumbles, sinking further in his seat. Well, as best he can with a four-week-old knee replacement. “And that’s all we’re going for, love,” John says out loud. But what he’s thinking is, shit. He knows.

High and Tight, Soft and Loose by cwb (E, 7,429 w. || Jealous John, Miscommunications / Misunderstandings, First Kiss / Time, BAMF John, Insecure Sherlock, Clueless Sherlock, Junk Size, UST / RST) – John pressed the knuckle of his index finger against his mouth and sighed. “So, you’re coiled like a spring and ready to be … sprung?” “If you want to be pedestrian about it, yes.” “Like I said, you should do something about that.” “And like I said, pedestrian. What would you have me do? Take up jogging? Yoga? Oh! Unless you mean –” “I don’t mean anything. Let’s drop it.”

The T-Shirt Thief by allroadsleadbacktobakerstreet (T, 7,968 w. || Mutual Pining, Post Canon Fix It, Dev. Rel., First Kiss, Domestics) – Sherlock steals John’s t-shirt from the laundry. John catches him wearing it one evening, fluff ensues with an endeared yet teasing John?

Drive by lifeonmars (M, 9,537 w. || Virginity, Awkward First Times, Minor Injuries) – John and Sherlock are stranded by the roadside, and John is injured. They need to spend the night in the back of a humvee. Sherlock is confused. John is understanding.

The Thin Line by Odamaki (M, 10,809 w. || Virgin Sherlock, Awkwardness, Confessions, First Times, Anal) – John swallows. Keeps his eyes on Sherlock. Begs him not to ruin him.Sherlock leans forward over the witness box ever-so slightly, “I was distracted,” he informs the court, “by my partner, John Watson.”

the first day of forever by darcylindbergh (E, 11,850 w. || Est. Relationship, Domestics, Light Angst, Insecurity, Emotional H/C) – “I’m going to marry you,” John murmurs with against Sherlock’s smile, and they both giggle in the joy of it. “We’re getting married.”“Yes,” Sherlock says, just to hear himself say it out loud. “We are.” A June wedding. Part 4 of things fairy tales are made of

And Here We Are by J_Baillier (T, 12,416 w. || ASiP Fic, Alternating First Person POV, Drama, Friendship, Mild Case Fic, Autism Spectrum Sherlock, Insecure Sherlock, Protective John, Pining, Homophobia, Loneliness, Angst, Humour, Domestics, Morbid Fluff, Kidnapping) – All the little things we never got to see when an army doctor and a consulting detective were adjusting to sharing a flat. And a life.

Let’s Make a Bed Out in the Rain by theimprobable1 (M, 17,664 w. || Pining Sherlock, Angst & Fluff, First Kiss, Unrequited, Jealous Sherlock, Protective Sherlock) – John is devastated after his long-term girlfriend leaves him. Sherlock helps him through it.

For you, there’s only me by shock_blanket (E, 19,557 w. || Jealous Idiots, Virgin Sherlock, UST/RST, Pining, Miscommunication, First Kiss / Time, Insecure Sherlock, Masturbation) – Sherlock realizes he has fallen in love with John, but believes he is unlovable. Cue lots of pining and jealousy on Sherlock’s part, followed by our favorite cuddly marksman making it all better. Because for Sherlock, there’s only John.

A Life Well-Lived by Kate_Lear (E, 20,121 w. || Original Male Character, Sherlock Woos John, Jealous Sherlock, Reluctant Bi-John) – John got scared off men by an abusive past relationship. Sherlock has to try and woo him while not scaring him off with protective possessive rage.

The Real Meaning of Idioms by feverishsea (T, 21,691 w. || Texting, Humour, Post S2, Awkward Romance) - After two weeks away, John finally texts Sherlock. He doesn’t expect Sherlock to respond. He doesn’t expect Sherlock to keep texting him. And he really doesn’t expect things to spiral out of control so rapidly.

5 Times John Got the Girl (and lost her) and 1 Time John Got the Guy (and kept him) by LiviKate (M, 21,695 w. || 5 and Ones, Kissing, Oblivious / Awkward Sherlock, BAMF / Sexy / Stud John, Embarassed John, John’s Scar, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Sherlock) – John has always had good luck with the ladies. He’s charming, friendly and funny, not to mention great in bed. However, his usual skill with the opposite sex is constantly being thwarted by Sherlock and his outbursts. How will John ever get a leg over when Sherlock is always cockblocking him?

State of Flux by Atiki (E, 24,655 w. || Sherlock POV, Slow Burn, First Kiss/Time, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Cuddles and Snuggles, Awkwardness, Insecure/Virgin Sherlock, Romance) – John’s marriage is over and he is finally back home (i.e. at Baker Street, where he belongs). Sherlock is awfully insecure and John is awfully hesitant, and they’re both awkward idiots, of course, but they figure it out. Many First Times happen.

An Acquired Taste by kinklock (E, 31,059 w. || Vampires AU || Vampire Sherlock, Misunderstandings, Bat!Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Humour, Magical Realism, Fluff and Angst, Blood Drinking, Holmes Family, Slow Burn) – At Montague Street when Sherlock was forced to sate his body’s needs, he was at least able to wander about the flat as much as he pleased.At Baker Street, it was mini-bags in a mini-fridge and bedroom confinement.

a good old-fashioned happy ending by darcylindbergh (E, 32,731 w. || Christmas, Frottage, Comfort, Est. Rel., Fluff, Insecure Sherlock) – For Christmas this year, Sherlock wants to get John something special: something every fairytale deserves. Part 2 of things fairy tales are made of

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara’s American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she’s also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she’s placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

Set in Stone by SilentAuror (E, 39,309 w. || Romance, Wedding, Therapy, Fluff and Angst) – Sherlock and John are back from Ravine Valley and planning their wedding. However, as they move past the trial of the human traffickers, Sherlock can’t help but wonder if he’s imagining that John is becoming a little distant. Surely he isn’t getting cold feet about the wedding… Part 2 of The Ravine Valley series

In the Still of the Night by SilentAuror (E, 42,234 w. || S4 Fix It / Post-S4, Sherlock POV, Angst, Drama, Romance, Virgin Sherlock, Awkwardness, Misunderstandings / Miscommunications, Case Fic, Travelling, Pining) – As locals on the Northeastern coast begin to report UFO sightings, life at Baker Street becomes significantly awkward as John brings up his desire for more than friendship and Sherlock refuses him. They embark on the investigation from the confines of the tiny cottage Mycroft has rented for them, attempting to navigate both the clues of the case as well as their own inability to communicate…

Bedroom Tales by Junejuly15 (M, 49,950 w. || Friends to Lovers, Through the Years, H/C, Military Kink, First Kiss / Time, Romance, Insecure Sherlock, Voyeurism, Post-TRF, Ficlets, Fluff and Angst, Fix-It Fics) – Bedroom Tales is a collection of John and Sherlock ficlets. They are set at various stages of their relationship and are in no particular order. Some are fluffy, some sexy, some angsty, there is hurt and comfort, romance and love. What unites them is that they all play in a bedroom, but not necessarily the one in 221B.

In the Dark Hours by hubblegleeflower (E, 51,639 w. || Friends to Lovers, Unreliable Narrator, Closeted Bi John, Angst, Miscommunications, Slow Burn, First Time, John’s Blog / Epistolary) – John, wounded and silent, drifts back to Baker Street for healing…and then goes home again. He visits, gets more upbeat, chattier, smiles, jokes… and still goes home again. Sherlock wants him to move back in - it just makes sense - but John shows no signs of doing so. This is the story of how John and Sherlock learn to say what needs to be said when they’re both so very, very rubbish at talking.

floating through a dark blue sky by Lediona (M, 58,966 w. || Notting Hilll AU || POV John, Celebrity Sherlock, First Date / Time / Kiss, Past Drug Addiction, Angst with a Happy Ending) – Of course, I’d seen his films and always thought he was, well, brilliant – but, you know, a million miles from the world I live in. Or, when John is the owner of a travel book shop and the famous Sherlock Holmes stops in one day.

The Book of Silence by SilentAuror (E, 60,056 w. || S4 Fix It / Post S4, Virgin Sherlock, Rosie / Parentlock, Domesticity, Fluff, Praise Kink, Sex Toys, First Person POV) – As spring blooms in London, John and Sherlock begin to take new cases and cautiously negotiate this new phase of life with John living at Baker Street again. Despite how well it’s all going, John struggles to forgive himself for the way he treated Sherlock following Mary’s death as well as trying to figure out how to finally put his long-time feelings for Sherlock into words. Part 1 of The Book of Silence/Rosa Felicia

Scars by SilentAuror (E, 60,493 w. || Rape / Non-Con / Abuse, Gaslighting, Manipulation, Dub Con Elements, Homophobia, Angst With Happy Ending, Mary is Not Nice) – S3 rewrite, showing Mary’s manipulation of John as he realizes his love for Sherlock. Mary is not having it.

Definitions by siennna (T, 101,528 w. || Dev. Rel., Pining, Fluff and Romance, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Fluff, Cuddles) – Sherlock’s journey in defining his flat mate and stumbling through the muddled world of emotion. {{This feels complete; the chapter count is listed as ? but I feel like it is done}}

Maintenance and Repair by patternofdefiance (E, 106,650 w. || FutureAU, Augmentation || Augmented John, Depression, Body Modification, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Sci-Fi, Self-Care, Body Dysmorphia) – John wants to explain the rush of sensation and data, which is just another form of sensation (or is it the other way around?). John wants to say: Augmentation circuits report temperature, pressure, various forms of quantitative input. Sudden changes are reported as pain, since sudden changes are dangerous, and pain is the quickest way to encourage reflexive extraction. But all John can manage is, “Nng.” Because this sudden touch is not reporting as pain. Part 2 of STATIC

Breakable by MissDavis (E, 117,627 w. || Established, Fluff/Angst, Depression, Paralysis, Happy-ish Ending) – After John is seriously injured, Sherlock struggles to figure out how to help him, keep himself sane, and maybe, just maybe, get their life back to the way it’s supposed to be. Part 1 of Breakable Not Broken

The Burning Heart by May_Shepard (M, 119,150 w. || Canon Divergence, Post-TRF, John’s Sexuality, S3 Rewrite, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV John Watson, John’s Gay) – When Sherlock dies, John Watson feels like his life is over too. He’s completely shut down, until Mark Morstan, a new nurse at John’s medical clinic, catches his attention, and helps him uncover the long buried truth of his attraction to men. Although he’s certain he’ll never get over Sherlock, John plans to move on, and build a new life with Mark, unaware that Sherlock is not quite as dead as he appears, and that Mark is hiding secrets of his own.

Unkissed Series by 221b_hound (T to E, 184,168 w. across 46 works || Established Relationship, Ace Sherlock) – Sherlock returned from the dead a year ago. John returned to Baker Street six months ago. They’ve been in a couple since then. or at least, not NOT a couple. For two smart men, they sure can be dumb. Luckily, an art thief tries to drown Sherlock, Sherlock has a fever dream and things are about to change.

[simplelinesunfashiond]

Highway to Hellsite

Because @abalonetea low-key encouraged me to finish an AU scene despite not knowing what it was, and @idreamonpaper and @drabbleitout actually encouraged this weirdness at one point, and I have no willpower when it comes to both spoiling and embarassing the hell out of Jackson Alistair Lewis. A short non-magical AU about blogging and your obvious crush on a celebrity going viral.

Jackson Alistair woke to the sound of his phone obsessively buzzing in his ear. He moved, stretched, felt something pop in his back and slowly lowered himself back onto the pillow, blinking at the ceiling for far longer than he supposed he really needed to. He had some things to consider, though nothing so much to worry about, he thought. He had survived the gala, uploaded a decent number of shots, and, overall, not completely flopped at his first press event. Good. It all faded out, a little, in comparison to the real reason he was even invited. Being the administrator of the first known DawnShadow fan page wasn’t much for a marketing resume, but damn if it wasn’t good for getting in close with DawnShadow’s marketing team when the band reformed and started catching on. So, maybe his interests hadn’t been one hundred percent professional.

The event certainly had been, at any rate. A fundraiser, a big deal. He hadn’t actually known much about the organization up front, just that it was run by the founder of a network of medical facilities. He knew who that man was, though. And he knew who that man’s second-in-command on his medical staff was. And if there was one thing that was bound to get Nathaniel Ettonridge out into the world, it was his crazy-genious daughter. Even if the band hadn’t been contracted to perform at the more public part of the event (which, thank whatever powers, they had), Nat would be sure to make an appearance. And what an appearance it had been, though the tailored coat was nothing compared to the guitar god on his arm. There had always been rumors, but this was…Well, whatever it was, it felt important. Maybe just because he'd spent so long looking at ancient pictures and wondering, but...maybe not that, really.

The phone buzzed again, and he finally bothered to look at it. A lot of new notifications, more honestly than he’d expected – in fact, suspiciously many. And a few messages from Sydney, who hadn’t dragged herself clear across the country just to watch him snap pictures at an event she wasn’t actually invited to. Understandable. The messages were about what he expected. How was the event, was it exciting meeting everyone, how did he end up getting on stage? And then, a little bit of a different one.

“Did you bring anyone back with you? ;)”

Of course not, and what sort of strange question was that? He asked her as much.

“I’m just teasing. But we’ve talked about this. You can tell me anything. I did figure it was probably a joke, though…” A joke? What was a joke? After a minute of him not answering, another alert snapped him back. “…” And then another. “You haven’t seen it yet?”

He flipped on instinct back to the notifications. A lot of new traffic, likes, reblogs, retweets, notes from all over the series of pages he’d been maintaining across their different platforms. And then, before all that, the ominous truth of the matter.

“Kim ‘at’ed me in something?” he asked, out loud, and then paused to consider the odd sensation of trying to say “@” out loud. What was more, it was a post from another blog, someone he had met the night before. He paused, thought about it before he even attempted to open it, and couldn’t recall anything that had occurred between him and Sarra being interesting enough to go viral. Finally, he went to her account, and stared for a long moment at the odd gradients that served as placeholders for what must have been a completely unreasonable amount of pictures. He glanced over his shoulder to his laptop, and wondered if it was worth another attempt to connect to the hotel’s terrible wifi. Finally, after far too long, the images began to materialize. He scrolled around a little, not looking, just moving the screen up and down, and wondered in an aggravatingly sincere confusion how someone else’s hellsite post had managed to send that much attention to him not just on said hellsite, but across the board.

He scrolled back to the top.

It had only one line of explanation. “The most interesting thing that happened all night.” And the first picture under that wasn’t one she had taken. It was a screenshot of one of his. And so were a few of the ones after that. And there were a few of her pictures, of him, usually of him taking pictures, of…Well, until he saw them all in one place, he hadn’t realized just how many pictures he had taken of the same person. The first large swath of reblogs were all Sarra, adding more pictures to the string.

People, at first. It was just a very striking image, one he couldn’t possibly pass up. The fact that Dr. Orion Lourandera’s other main celebrity contacts were royalty in the fashion industry, and his own siblings, was too good to be true. At first glance, the twins were almost indistinguishable from each other. Jackson wasn’t totally sure if the garments they were wearing would be considered gowns or coats, but the long gauzy material, all blue and green and teal with glints of gold, trailed to the floor like peacocks’ feathers. The sister was the one with her hair swept up and pinned, the one who never took her sunglasses off. The other, with short hair swept back and impractically high heels, was the brother. At some point, his outermost layer – apparently some sort of jacket – was discarded, to reveal that the rest of whatever sort of couture clothing item that was, was open down most of the back. Intricate scrolling tattoos of very small text ran from the base of his neck down his spine to the small of his back, and Jackson remembered wondering just how close one would have to get to actually be able to read it. He did not, on the other hand, remember just how many pictures he'd tried to get of it. Or how long he'd actually stared while wondering, though that was apparently long enough for Sarra to notice and snap a few pictures of Jackson frozen like a statue with his camera half forgotten as the rest of the guests moved around him. It was a decently long exposure, if the motion blurs on everyone else were anything to judge by.

He finally managed to scroll past the vast swath of his pictures of Anderson Lourandera, with its handful of pictures of himself, before the next section started. This one was all pictures of Jackson, posted by an instagram account he'd never heard of before. Something private maybe? The first one had managed to clearly catch the moment the doorman had IDed him, and how much taller everyone else around him was, and was simply captioned, “Whose baby is this??? Why is he here alone???” with a teary-eyed emoji and a random selection of hearts. The one after was Jackson, as well as a few other camera-wielders, and based on the small lock of blonde hair in the corner of the image, this was a picture that Anderson had discreetly taken over his own shoulder while leaning dramatically on the bar. “These media boys think I'm posing for them. They must never learn the truth. #too drunk for these heels #i will literally fall over #no srsly #someone #stop ogling and help me #dammit."

The captions weren't all exactly coherent, but there were…Well, there were a lot of pictures of Jackson. Including a very zoomed in one of him showing his ID to the bartender. His info had, thankfully, been blurred out, but based on the small excited-looking key smash, whatever had been seen was exciting. Oh, Jackson realized, thinking back to the first picture, the fact that this man had thought he was a child, my age I guess.

And then, there was one of him talking to Sarra, who was pointedly side-eyeing the camera. “Askfbsi I've been caught,” and then a very distraught little emoji.

Then, there were the concert shots. A couple of Jackson in the crowd, looking particularly giddy, and captions pointing it out. Then, a few posts with no pictures, just black, with very over-excited and unspecific captions. And finally, the part where he ended up on stage, himself.

Jackson still remembered the feeling of awe, like a coronation, when the strap of the PRS was lowered over his head, the feeling of the strings under his finger, the mother-of-pearl inlays glinting under the stage lights. Nix, with the same ancient red Fender, cluing him in on the set, testing his knowledge on a couple things. No problem. That's why Jackson was here – he was the guy who knew it all.

It was only screenshots but it was clearly a series of videos. When he got to tear into his favorite solo. The moment of shock he'd hoped nobody had noticed when Nathaniel hit that note in Firebird. Nathaniel daring Jackson to do the vocals for Twilight Angel. People cheered, good-natured but egging him on, until he agreed. Sarra had interjected in the next post to add the link to the full video, with a struck-through comment of “no but for real he was amazing go watch it.”

And, in glorious conclusion, a picture Sarra had taken herself, a panoramic view of the scene, of the over-dramatic rapturous look, head tossed back, laughing out loud, of Jackson killing the last solo in the outro of Visions of Midnight on one edge of the image, and, on the other side, Anderson Lourandera, gaze locked on the stage, skin tinted with a faint alcohol-induced blush. One shining with energy, and with the aid of stagelights, the other a vibrant beacon standing out of a sea of dark suits and satin and velvet winter dresses. It was, Jackson concluded, a very odd scene, and it suggested that people had shown up with the image of a more political event in their minds. That seemed like it should have been important, but he couldn't place why. Couldn't quite care. Found himself forgetting, failing to notice, a little more every time he looked back at the picture. He did manage to notice that the artistry of it put every one of his shots to shame.

A few other comments came up under that, a lot of people gushing about various aspects, and a few repeating the demand to know who this kid was. And then, the conclusion, which had been reblogged back to Sarra's page as well. A screenshot of a select few of the posts from Jackson's “house of light" tag, which had existed long before the gala but which now included a couple of last night's pictures, and a screenshot of part of the House of Light's official blog, including a couple of shots of Jackson walking out in a long-hemmed vintage velvet coat that, now that he thought about it, was actually from HoL. The tags underneath included the phrase “#if you see this #call us.” And that was where the “@” appeared. Kim's commentary read, “Admins for @visionsofdawnshadow and @houseoflight-courtofshadow need to quit being horny on main.”

Jackson stared at it for a long moment, then took a screenshot of the whole thing and, after another minute if hesitation, sent it to Sydney.

“Is this what you meant?” he asked.

“Don't freak out,” Sydney answered. “Besides, like I said, I was already pretty sure nothing happened…”

“Why?”

“Well, I know who you are so…I called? The west coast shop. Mostly talked to Eva. (Cuuute accents, by the way).”

Jackson's brain failed to formulate more than “…,” so that was what he sent her.

“It's no secret they work a lot with the band, so he's heading back east with them.”

…

“Aaand it wouldn't hurt to have an assistant/photographer/model/killer musician on board for that kind of project?”

. . .

“…We sort of figured…you might want the job. She thought maybe you could meet with them before you leave? If you don't want to I can totally call her back!”

Jackson switched back to the page of Sarra and Kim's pictures, stared at that panorama for a minute. Saved it. Looked again. Reblogged it to his own page, added a relevantly embarrassed-looking gif. Wrote back to Sydney, “Just tell me where to go.” Then, a second later, “Also, I love you.”

[iwritefanficsometimes]

Cinnamonny Whatever Drink (Or Pumpkin Spice Latte, I guess...) 13 Days of Halloween: Day 2

Welcome back to 13 Days of Halloween, Day 2! Cinnamon Spiced Drink (Or Pumpkin Spice Latte I guess...) I have made myself a Chai tea latte and I am ready to write! Not gonna lie, I’m kind of sad no one else has posted anything using these prompts, but I was kind of last minute, so what did I expect?

Day 1 2(AO3) 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Rating: G

Prompt: Cinnamon Spiced Drink (Or Pumpkin Spice Latte I guess) + “Did you feel that?”

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2,101

Summary: Tony takes Stephen on a coffee date, and pulls out all the stops. Stephen pretends not to be impressed. This is a continuation of day 1, linked above, but if you don’t want to read that, basically Tony and Stephen met in a haunted house that Tony built that was far too scary. They were both shaken up by it and at the end Stephen gave Tony his number now they’re going for coffee.

---

Tony was grinning like a mad man when he met Tony in the staging area. “I don’t want to know, do I?” Rhodey asked, faking ignorance. “I need plausible deniability if you fed him to your actors.”

“Shut up,” Tony said, showing Rhodey the texts on his phone. “I have a date.”

Rhodey read over the text messages and raised an eyebrow apprehensively. “Are you sure? No where here does it say it’s a date.”

“It’s a date, Platypus, trust me. I know it’s hard to believe, because you’re immune, but most people find me charming.” He took the phone back and eagerly responded to Stephen’s last text, “I’m going to take the Audi.”

“Or you could get an Uber, like a normal person,” Rhodey suggested, and Tony waved the idea away.

“I’m not a normal person.” He locked his phone and then used the black screen as a mirror, “How do I look?” He adjusted his hair until it was exactly the way it had been before he started messing with it, and then looked up at Rhodey.

“Well, other than your big head you look fine.” He grinned and just to mess with him ran a head over Tony’s hair.

“Hey!” He yelled, hunting down a make up mirror to fix himself in.

“You look fine. He saw you screaming like a little girl, I don’t think he’s gonna care about your hair.”

“I was not screaming like a little girl. And even if I had been, there’d be no shame in it.” He huffed and pouted when he couldn’t make his hair look nice again. “Jan, please, if you love me, help.”

“Is this about the mystery guy you went through the house with?” She asked from where she was attaching an eyeball to a guy’s face and leaving it hanging down by a tiny fake optic nerve.

“Yes,” Rhodey said at the same time Tony said, “No.”

“I’ll do it.” Jan said before turning her attention back to the cast member whose make up she was doing. “Don’t touch it too much. The spirit gum will hold, but if you pull on it it’s gonna hurt. You have priority for getting that off when your shift is over, okay?” She pushed up his sleeve and attached a yellow wrist band that she was using to remind people to come and see her to get certain SFX pieces removed. She sent him off and then looked back at Tony. “Alright, take a seat in my chair of horrors, let me see if I can fix you.”

“He looks fine.”

“That man is gorgeous, Rhodey, I need to look hella fine, at least. Jan, you know you’re my favorite right?”

“I’m plenty aware. Sit down. The faster I get done with you the faster I can get to installing fake teeth. I need an assistant or a raise.”

“Have both,” he said as he sat down across from her. “Just make me pretty.”

She laughed and pulled out a clean brush and some hair gel from her kit.

Three minutes later Tony was out the door with the keys to the Maserati in hand. Rhodey couldn’t resist seeing the rest of the show, so he met Christine and Stephen at the front of the house.

“You’re both idiots.” Rhodey informed Stephen as he stood beside Christine. The entire block probably heard Tony revving his engine at the other side of the house. Soon enough Tony pulled up in a silver Audi and rolled the window down, flashing his winning grin at Stephen.

“You coming?”

“So much for shaken up,” Christine mumbled under her breath, and Stephen had to agree. But distraction was an effective coping mechanism, so he couldn’t be too upset with himself.

Stephen sauntered down the stairs with a shrug, like he had nothing better to do, and he didn’t miss how intently Tony watched him. “Yeah, sure. You’re buying though.”

“Sure,” Tony returned jovially. “Least I can do after my house traumatized you.”

Stephen reached the door and Tony pushed a button that opened it automatically. Stephen did let on that he was impressed, just got in the car and let the door close behind him. “So do you take all your guests for coffee, then?”

“Just the snarky ones.” Tony revved the engine again, the adrenaline from going through the house still apparently in full swing. He beeped the horn a couple of times to get people to move away from the gate entrance, and once he was sure they were all out of the way he sped off drove at a reasonable speed to May’s coffee shop.

The drive was silent, short, and strangely not uncomfortable. Tony turned on the radio and Stephen seemed to be enjoying his taste in music, so that was a big plus. Big big plus. Tony was gonna like this guy.

The song changed and Tony scrambled to skip it but Stephen was already laughing. “Is that- is that the monster mash?” He was clutching his stomach as Tony skipped to the next track, a blessedly not-embarassing AC/DC song.

“Rhodey picked it.” He grumbled, the tips of his ears turning red. “Because he’s an ass.”

Stephen finally managed to calm down and was smiling harder than he had in his entire time in med school. “Well, you should tell him thank you from me. The- the way you were trying to change it.” He laughed again. “I needed that after that hell hole you called a haunted house.”

“It’s always a pleasure to help.” He said, a little bit stiffly. Stephen wasn’t a particularly touchy person but he reached out and squeezed Tony’s bicep to assure him that it wasn’t bad.

“I needed that.” He smiled softly, and Stephen didn’t know where all his irritation at Stark had gone, but it seemed to be completely gone, in it’s place a fond tolerance he usually reserved for friends. “It’s good to know that the suave Tony Stark can be caught off guard.”

“So my reputation precedes me.” Tony asked, more than happy to change the subject. “All the worst things, I’m sure,” he grinned

“Only the worst. I heard you eat babies for breakfast, disgusting,” He shook his head, but Tony could see the faintest smile on the corner of his lips. “Actually other than the haunted house they haven’t been saying much. Not that I’ve seen anyway.”

“Yeah, the house was probably only really a good move from a PR standpoint. I can’t get into trouble and it keeps the press occupied so they aren’t looking for something to scoop. From a business standpoint though,” Tony made a face and Stephen chuckled.

“Not great?”

“Not even a little. The investors want me to be ‘making something,’ but I’ve been making shit for them since I was eleven, I can take a break.” He rolled his eyes and suddenly Stephen felt a lot more sympathetic of Tony’s ridiculous project.

“I’m sure the house isn’t turning a small profit either.”

“It’s not bad, but I’m putting most of the money back into it, for the staff and crew and stuff. It’s not like I need the money. After the upfront investment the thing is basically paying for itself.” Tony said nonchalantly, and Stephen smiled full out.

“You’re not as much of ass as I thought you were.” Stephen said as Tony pulled into a parking spot.

“That a good thing?” Tony asked, no bluster or obnxious smile to be found on his face.

“Yeah,” Stephen smiled, “It’ll be an even better thing once you buy me a coffee.”

“I see how it is, everyone’s in it for the money.” Tony joked, but it wasn’t as light-hearted as it should have been.

“I’ll get the next one,” Stephen assured him, and Tony’s eyes went wide. “Unless you don’t want to?” he asked with a raised brow and Tony was quick to correct him.

“No, I do. Definitely. Next round’s on you.”

“Good.” Stephen went inside and once again Tony was left staring after Stephen, just a little bit infatuated.

Tony followed quickly, catching the door just before it started to swing closed behind Stephen. The smell of coffee and fresh pastries filled the cozy store and Tony followed Stephen to the line, already craving that cinnamon whatever that may made him once that he orders every fall like clock work.

When they finally made it to the front of the line Stephen ordered first, rattling off a drink order that Tony didn’t follow, but it sounded like it had a lot of sugar in it. Tony could get behind that. He stepped aside and Tony ordered, “that cinnamonny thing, you know the one.” He told May, who smiled at him fondly.

“The cinnamonny, thing, got it.” She write his name on the cup and handed it off to the barista and Tony paid her for their drinks.

“You really don’t know what it is you just ordered?” Stephen asked, as they stepped back to wait for their drinks.

“I asked May to surprise me once, and now I get it every time. It would ruin the novelty of it if I knew what it was.” Tony shrugged, shoving his hands deep in his pockets.

“I’m going to to figure it out.” Stephen said with conviction and Tony looked over at him.

“You’re going to steal my blissful drink order just to boost your own ego?”

“Pretty much.“

Tony tilted his head and raised his eyebrows with a shrug. “I can respect that.”

Stephen laughed just as their names were called. Stephen, with his damned long legs, got to the counter faster and stole Tony’s drink, leaving Tony to grab Stephen’s and follow him to a table. Whatever Tony had to say about Stephen, he certainly kept him on his toes.

Stephen sat down at a two person table by the wall, and Tony sat across from him, placing his drink near Stephen. “Can I have my coffee?” he asked, as Stephen sniffed at it, grinning.

“You really don’t know what this is?” he asked again, and Tony shook his head.

“No, I really don’t, I just know that it’s good. So, can I have it?” Tony reached his hand out to take it, but Stephen pulled away it away.

“Can I taste it?”

“I don’t know where your mouth has been. What if you spend your free time liking sidewalks?” Stephen made a face and Tony waved his hand at him, “Fine, go ahead, what else do I have to lose. If I get sidewalk diseases I’m blaming you.”

“I live in fear of the day,” Stephen smirked before taking a sip of Tony’s drink. He held it in his hand, licking his lip and mulling over the taste. “This is a pumpkin spice latte.”

“No it’s not.” Tony protested immediately, taking the drink back from Stephen and taking a sip for himself. But now that Tony had the idea in his head he could totally taste it. He’d been ignoring the pumpkin before, but now it was the main flavor. “Oh my god this is a pumpkin spice latte.”

Stephen grinned and made to take a sip of his own drink, only for Tony to put his hand in front of his mouth. “IF you got my first sip I get yours. Turnabout is fair play.”

Stephen set the cup down and gestured for Tony to have at it. Tony took a sip and his eyes went wide. The sugariness was intense, but it was otherwise delicious. “I change my mind, this is mine now.” He hummed and when he went to take another sip Stephen grabbed it back.

“If you want one so badly, go order your own.” He said vehemently, but the mirth in his eyes was unmistakable.

“I just might, now that you’ve ruined my favorite drink for me.”

“You can still drink it.” Stephen rolled his eyes and took a sip of his reclaimed drink. “It’s just that now you know you’re literally the most base model of a person that exists when it comes to coffee.”

“Oh shut up, it’s good!” Tony took another sip of his drink, but found it strangely lacking after drinking Stephen’s. He sighed and put it down. “Alright, what are you drinking. I want one.”

“A cinnamon dolce, extra espresso with almond milk and dark and caramel chocolate syrup.” He grinned smuggly, taking another sip of his drink just to taunt Tony. Tony glared, but there was no real heat behind it.

“I’ll be right back.”

“I know you will.”

[ritahasaproblem]

If you want to write about ermal and fabri playing a drinking game like "never have i ever..." and they confess their feelings while playing i would love it! And thank you in advance for trying!!

Ahsjdksk thank YOU for giving me this prompt!!! I’m posting from my phone so lets hope my newfound skill with html doesn’t abandon me lmaoAlso sorry for the delay i’m super slow sigh ;; hope you like it 💖💖

let’s set the scene: it’s the 8th of july, the gig was cancelled due to bad weather, they’re all having a drink after dinner at the hotel’s bar

And Ermal is torn, because on the one hand he hates not performing, he hates disappointing his fans

on the other hand, he gets to spend a lot more time with Fabrizio than he would have had they performed

and he feels guilty as hell, because he had never thought such things before, for anyone

it doesn’t help that Bizio is his usual touchy self and boi, did he miss him

so they’re all laughing, drinks in hand, and Vige is telling Claudio about the last time he had to cover for Ermal not remembering his own songs, when Fabrizio approaches him from the side, “I wish I could’ve been there, at the concert”

“I know you had the kids, don’t worry, and with Libero’s tryouts you really had to be there”

Fabrizio lights up and starts talking about the children

Ermal is: so. Fucking. Smitten. He knows this, it’s not like he doesn’t, but sometimes even he can feel his own face go soft good lord this is embarassing

i promise i’m getting to the point soon

So, to wake himself from the trance he’s gotten himself into, he tries to joke. “Cherish this, soon enough he’ll be out there playing drinking games and you’ll have to drag his hungover ass out of bed on sunday mornings”

Bizio is: confused, and it shows

“Don’t tell me you never played never have i ever” “…” “Okay, neither have i, i just know it from my sister, she was the cool kid in school”

But, you know, it’s never too late to find your inner teenage self and get desperately drunk in front of your crush, so Ermal buys two bottles of red wine (“there’s no way i’m buying whiskey to get us drunk in a silly game, Montanari”), gets everyone except Max and the Sheriff (idk if he was there but let’s pretend he was) to agree to play the game, and they go up to his room

(i mean, “everyone”: it’s just him, Bizio, Claudio, Marco and Vige, most of their respective bands didn’t come to the thing)

It starts with gentle teasing, Marco saying “never have i ever forgot the lyrics of my own songs” (which *is* a dick move but it is also general enough that all three of the singers have to drink)

it gets progressively more personal, as these things are wont to do

First is “worn mismatched socks during a work meeting”, then “puked in the middle of a love confession”

Then Claudio (who was the one the last sentence was referring to) goes “Never have i even kissed another man on the mouth”

“I’ve kissed you at least three times, Clà, you should drink too” “ I meant french kissing”

“oh okay” Bizio says, taking his sip, nonplussed

And that’s how Ermal discovers that Fabrizio has made out with men.

Naturally, he’s taken his sip too, and Bizio looks at him oddly, like he’s rearranging everything he knows inside his brain

listen, i know the common headcanon is “Fabrizio is the first man Ermal has been attracted to” but i cannot stop thinking about rien de va plus that song has no heterosexual explanation and was written kind of loooong before they knew each other so

“Just the once or…?” asks Fabrizio. Ermal is both confused and relieved, because this way he has a good excuse to ask in return. “Well, usually more than once, i’m not that bad of a kisser”

du d e . he says it with self-deprecation but Bizio.exe just stopped working I MEAN WHO WOULD STILL WORK AFTER THAT

“What about you?” “A few times, when i was younger. I just don’t like to label myself, if i fall in love with a woman it’s fine, but if i like a man it’s also fine, capito?”

c a p i t o

[“I also took a sip, why is no one interested in my story?” “do you really want to go there, Vige?”]

After a few minutes of intense staring and one pausa sigaretta, the game goes on (as does the staring tbh but they both try to be subtle about it) (“try” being the key word here)

“never have i ever got so drunk i started waxing poetics about True Love and how magical it must be to meet The One” says Marco, to which Vige replies with “never have i ever had a crush on someone i was working with”, which is clearly a callout to Marco, since he and his girlfriend sort of worked together on her band for a while (y'all really don’t wanna know how i know that, so don’t ask) but OH WELL LOOK WHO’S ALSO DRINKING

Fabrizio, that’s who’s drinking.

Also Ermal, because he’s honest enough not to deny his crush and he’s tipsy enough to be honest, but that’s beside the point

“Was it Bianca?”

“Why the fuck does everyone think i’ve been with Bianca? No, we’ve always been just friends”

“She’s hot, you’re hot, seems natural you’d be all over each other”

Everyone else: is quietly trying to escape without being heard (spoiler: they succeed because the two idiots are too engrossed in each other)

“You’re hot too, yet you don’t seem to be all over me either”

‘SEEM’ BEING THE KEY WORD HERE, BIZIO

Ermal.exe stopped working MR STARK I DON’T FEEL SO GOOD

“You….. Think i’m hot?”

“Who doesn’t?” Fabrizio chuckles nervously. “And what about you? I saw you drink. Any of our colleagues that caught your eye?”

Oh boi

“Uhm. No. Well. Yes. But also no. It’s- it’s difficult Fabrì”

Listen. They’ve been drinking for an hour, he’s not thinking straight -not that he ever really has, tbh

“I mean, if you’re crushing on Fiorella i get it, but she’s happily married, you have no chance” jokes Fabrizio, noticing his discomfort. “Also i got there first, i get to court her before you”

“Then i really have no chance, there’s no way anyone would turn you down”

That’s when Bizio drops the bomb, whispering “Not even you?” without looking up from his glass of wine.

“well, i did say 'anyone’, Bizio ” replies Ermal, heart thundering in his ears, voice as low as the other singer’s.

“Oh”

“Told you it was complicated”

“Soooo” starts the other man. Ermal sees him getting up from the floor where they were all sitting and feels cold dread in his gut. Great. He spent the longest time avoiding this and now he’s driven Fabrizio away.

But no, the other singer is just coming beside him, sitting so near their thighs touch, a shy smile on his face. “If i were to do this” he murmurs, slowly caressing his arm with one finger, skin to skin, making them both sigh, maybe in relief, maybe from the nerves; it’s so clearly a flirty gesture it makes him breathe a little faster. “If I were to do this” Fabrizio keeps saying, leaving it hypothetical when there is nothing hypothetical about his hand travelling from his wrist to his shoulder and back, “would it be okay?”

It’s just a hand on his arm, but it somehow feels more exciting than a lot of the first kisses he had shared with others, goosebumps on his skin

“if i were to do this?” asks again, intertwining their fingers.

Fabrizio is staring at his face, a soft, playful smile; his eyes are searching, tho, looking for any sign of discomfort, even if Ermal knows he won’t find any

he’s probably smiling like a lunatic, and that must be the right signal, because Fabrizio balances himself on his thigh with the unoccupied hand and descends to kiss his neck, just a tiny peck

“And this?” he says, against his skin, and it tickles a bit, so he has to laugh as he answers “You do that all the time already” while squeezing his hand

“Maybe I want to do it more” he replies, as he kisses his neck again, this time a little higher, then another kiss, on his jaw, and Ermal feels like he’s floating, he doesn’t know if it’s the wine or the words or the kisses

“Maybe I’d let you”

And the way Fabrizio’s face lights up in an honest smile is making him feel Things, things like butterflies in his stomach, like his heart is about to burst, like the world is just the two of them. And this time he lets himself get lost in the feelings, in the knowledge that he’s allowed to want this, how fucking lucky he is

All the while Fabrizio has been staring at him, always that soft, fond smile, a hand on his cheek, another in his own.

“Nothing else you might attempt?” asks Ermal, once he has sorted out his feelings long enough. “You know, you’re already con un piede nella fossa (="with one foot inside your grave”, super old), and I’m not getting any younger either. You’ll have all the time you want to get acquainted to my neck, later"

Fabrizio laughs, eyes crinkling, touching Ermal’s forehead with his own.

“Okay then” he says, before kissing him.

[later, when at three am Ermal will wake him to announce triumphantly “SO I AM THE ONE YOU HAD A CRUSH ON!!!!!” he will almost laugh. Before throwing a pillow at his head, that is.]

[chaz-targrin-gw2]

Targrin, Act 3: Scars

(Alright, it’s been a week, so the next part of Chaz Targrin’s backstory is going live! I’m actually going to be posting these two at a time because I’ve accidentally sorta written it in “pairs” chronologically speaking - Stay tuned for the Interlude chapter later on! In the meantime, this part of the story sort of covers the first time Chaz had their scars covered. So... sad charr ahead, be warned!)

NAVIGATION: <- Previous Chapter | Next Chapter ->

Targrin, Act 3: Scars

1328 AE, Rata Sum, Maguuma Jungle

(A few months after the events of Act 2, shortly after the fall of Mordremoth)

Doctor Maakinen moved about her office swiftly, humming a tune to herself, a somewhat soothing melody with rather odd time signatures between octaves. This was her hour - officially she had an hour-long appointment with a patient who needed a lot of work done, but in reality she’d just kept that time booked to herself so she could take a breather between busy and somewhat demanding clients, and make sure her files were arranged.

“Who have I got up next anyways… Ear enhancement, ear reduction, that’s new… ‘can you get rid of this blemish on the right side of my’-yyy goodness I wish I could defer that one to another specialist, I’m going to need a stiff drink after the day’s through…”

BZZ-BZZZZZ. The office buzzer always grated on her ears, and this was meant to be her hour anyway. She shouted towards the door, in a somewhat irritable tone of voice, “Excuse me, I’m not taking walk-ins today, did you not see the sign outside?”

A somewhat timid voice called back, familiar to the Asura’s ears. “Oh, sorry about that, mom. I’ll come back another time. When’s good?”

“…Oh! Oh nonono, I am so sorry, dear, I didn’t realise that was you! I wasn’t expecting you for another week at most! Come in, come in!”

“But I… aren’t you working with a patient right now?” The voice sounded confused.

Maakinen squinted a bit as she put an ear to the door, and spoke in a more hushed tone. “Is there anyone else in the waiting room with you?”

“Uhh…” A pause, some shuffling and a pained grunt or two. “No, doesn’t look like it.”

“Would you mind being my patient for the hour?”

Yet more hesitance. “…Okay?”

“Great, great!” The door cracked open, and Maakinen saw enough of the unexpected visitor to confirm that she was in fact talking to Chaz. “Alright, come in, quick.”

Chaz nodded and quickly squeezed through the door, making sure to bring their tail with them to avoid getting it caught. They let out another couple of pained grunts as they limped towards the nearest chair they could find. They weren’t wearing their usual clothes either, just some drab grey ill-fitting rags.

Maakinen quickly closed the door again, and turned to look at Chaz, noting at first their limp and then seeing a few scars on them. “Goodness, Chaz, look at you! You have to tell me what you’ve been up to!” Her tone of voice was very peppy, her face was practically beaming - she was looking forward to hearing what epic battles Chaz had been in

Chaz chuckled, though it was weak and cut short by another pained grunt. “Actually, I… ow…” they adjusted their position on their seat.

“Are you… here to say hi to your mom or are you here as a patient?”

“…Yes.”

“Oh you smartarse,” she chuckled, “Always with the mathematician’s answer!” Her chuckle faded as her face went a bit stony, and she looked back at the charr. “…You’re being serious, aren’t you?”

A quiet nod from Chaz confirmed it. Maakinen didn’t like where this was going.

“…Alright then. What can I do for you? Ear enhancement, ear reduction? You wouldn’t happen to have a blemish on the right side of your…”

“No, no…” Chaz coughed. “It’s… the scars. I wanted to get them covered up.”

Maakinen looked dumbfounded. Most Charr she knew would be proud to sport their scars, though the only ones she’d seen so far were on Chaz’s face. “Did you get a scar in an embarassing spot? Maybe on the right side of your-”

“No, it’s not that,” Chaz interjected, a bit frustrated. “It’s… just… can you look me over, please?”

Maakinen’s voice was calm and firm as she held an audio recording device in her hand, calmly and clearly dictating each and every scar across Chaz’s body, from head to toe. “All these scars look relatively fresh, probably a few months by this point I’d say, which explains why you’re still feeling them… Straight laceration across the bridge of the nose, leading further towards the left side of the patient’s face, and a shallower cut across the throat, either a near miss or an incredibly careful hand to avoid hitting any arteries. Multiple curved lacerations of various depths and lengths across the torso and arms, seemingly aimed at points known to have a high concentration of nerve endings. Bullet wound in the right thigh…” She leaned aside from her recording device to Chaz, “The, uh… the bullet’s out, yes?”

“Yes, mom.” Chaz tried to keep a calm demeanour, but their voice was shaky.

“Okay, good,” she leaned back towards the recorder, “Lacerations on both legs, aimed again at areas with a lot of nerve endings… All of these are very carefully placed cuts… except for this anomalous puncture wound on the left thigh, almost as if someone stuck a knife in there, then haphazardly pulled it out and plunged it back in again.”

Chaz coughed, wincing slightly as the wounds were poked and prodded. “Oh, that one was an… accident, one of my rescuers…”

Maakinen sounded unimpressed. “…So a first responder accidentally pulled a knife out of you and then accidentally stabbed you again.”

“He’d pulled the knife out and then his friends told him he shouldn’t do it, so he put it back where he found it, yes.”

“But he wasn’t the first person to put the knife in your thigh.”

“That’s correct.”

Maakinen heaved a sigh of frustration, stopped the recording, and fixed Chaz with a piercing glare, causing a shiver to run down the wounded Charr’s spine. “Okay, you have some answering to do, progeny.”

“Wh… what?” Chaz stammered, looking really nervous. Maakinen only ever used the term ‘progeny’ in two tones when referring to Chaz, and this was not the good one.

“You come into my office, looking like you’ve just been in a hell of a fight, and you’re telling me you want these scars hidden?” Maakinen looked dumbfounded as she continued. “Aren’t you proud of the scars you got from this fight? What would your ‘bandmates say if they heard you wanted these covered up?”

Chaz shook their head, slowly lowering their face into their hands as emotions started to clash into one another and boil over. “They… it… it wasn’t…” the charr choked up, on the verge of tears, their thoughts clouded and disjointed, “I couldn’t… they just… ” they hiccuped, tears rolling down their face.

“What are you… oh no. Shh, shhhh, hey, come on now, I’m sorry, dear, I didn’t realise this had you so torn up…” Maakinen moved to comfort Chaz, holding the charr’s head up gently and sitting them down, her eyes looking more gentle, “Take a deep breath, okay? Gather your thoughts… uh… stay with me here…” Psychiatry - not Maakinen’s strong point, and the krewemate who could help was out on other business.

Chaz finally broke down and got the words out. “It was an ambush,” they sobbed, “They shot me and dragged me into their camp… I was being tortured, used as bait, I couldn’t fight back, and the rest of my band, they… they just… one by one, right in front of me…” the Charr cried into Maakinen’s arms, sobbing, hiccuping, sniffling, they were a mess.

The asura’s blood ran ice cold, and she carefully took a step back, giving Chaz some space. Her tone became shaky. “I… I should’ve known. I went in assessing your injuries assuming you’d been in a fight, but… these are far more consistent with a prolonged torture session.” She looked the charr in the eyes, that steely, piercing gaze returning - though Chaz could tell this time that Maakinen was mad at someone else.

“Who.” Maakinen seethed. “Who would dare do this to you, to your whole warband?!” Chaz could tell from the look on her face that she was about ready to find their assailant and invert them (They never did find out what that threat meant, and they daren’t ask now). Chaz sniffled, trying to regain their composure.

“S… Separatists. There was this big one, wearing a scary helmet and wielding a big knife… It was him. He did this to me.” They moved their head to gesture at the rest of their scarred body, still shivering.

Maakinen looked furious. “I’ve heard horror stories of the things those bastards do.” Looking back at the visibly upset, shivering charr, her expression softened again and she moved to give Chaz another hug. “I’m so sorry for making you go through all of that again. And I’m so, so sorry about your bandmates.”

“Thanks, mom.” Chaz sniffled and hiccuped a little more, wincing as they were hugged. “So, about the scars… Can you cover them up?”

Maakinen still seemed hesitant. “Are you absolutely sure you want them gone? You understand it won’t dull the pain, physically or emotionally.”

Chaz nodded. “I understand. I still want them hidden. Every time I see them I… I don’t feel proud, I feel ashamed - to have let down my warband, to have let myself be used as bait… That’s all I can think when I see these scars. ‘They used you.’”

Maakinen was starting to have trouble maintaining composure herself, fidgeting a bit as she paced about her office. “Oh no. Oh dear, oh no no no. You’re experiencing survivor’s guilt. I can’t- I’m not trained in psychology or psychiatry, there’s only so much I can do as a mother.”

“Aren’t you a-”

“A mesmer, yes,��� she conceded, “But I’m not what you need right now. I can cover your scars for you, but that’s all I can do.”

“But-”

“I know, I know, mesmers are known for manipulating minds. My particular approach is rather heavy-handed and uses swords. I could easily shatter someone’s brain, and after everything you’ve told me I’m seriously tempted to make a gibbering wreck out of anyone who would dare lay a finger on you, but… mending the mind is a more delicate process, that takes time, dedication, and a special touch that I’m afraid I don’t have.”

“…Right.”

“Argh… sorry, I should be comforting you and here I am lecturing you on my work as a mesmer. Like I said, heavy-handed. Swords. Rarrgh. Well, you know about the rarrgh part already but-”

“It’s alright, mom, really.”

“I’ll see if I can arrange an appointment for you with Psychiatrist Aada, though our krewe are… not exactly equipped for charr grief counseling, so we might not have the answers for you. We’ll figure something out.”

Chaz sniffed . “I appreciate the thought. Thanks, mom.”

Maakinen smiled, getting ready to prepare a few spells to cover up Chaz’s injuries. “Right then. We’ve still got a half hour until my next appointment, I’ll see what I can do with these scars.”

“Thanks again. Oh, uh, and sorry again, mom.”

“Sorry for what?”

“For, y’know. Spoiling your hour like this.”

“Oh, nonsense,” the Asura laughed, “I’m always happy to see my fluffy progeny, and I’m just glad you’re alive and well! Well, as well as you can be, given the circumstances.”

Chaz laughed a little, sniffled, and smiled. Maakinen only ever used the term ‘progeny’ in two tones when referring to them, and that was the good one.

[mysteryfanfictheatre3000]

Back to the Frollo MST- Prologue

This has previously been posted on Archive of Our Own, but I had to remove it due to copyright. This IS fair use, as it is for the purpose of parody/critique and thus exempt. However, I don’t feel like dealing with the headache of talking to the mods (?) about it, so I’m posting it on Tumblr. 

This is a story by author FrolloFreak/Crazed Writer and part of a universe in which her OC, Danisha, is Claude Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame’s girlfriend. It has elements of the Disney movie, the musical, and the book,  so everything is such a mess I’m not sure what to even list the fandom for this as. There are a TON of stories by this author set in this ‘verse, but this is the main event.

Warning: weird descriptions of a naked elderly priest. 

It had been a grueling day, and Claude Frollo had put in long hours at the Palace of Justice. First there was that band of highwaymen who had terrorized Parisians traveling in and out of town. He had laid a careful trap for these hoodlums, successfully capturing and, ultimately, punished them for their crimes.

You can’t just switch verb tense like that. It should be either “capturing” and “punishing” or “captured” and “punished.”

Then there was that new, dimwitted lieutenant. He had infuriated Claude with some minor insubordination, so much that Claude made sure he was justly "disciplined". So what if this half-brained soldier complained, "I'll never be able to secure another position again! You made sure of that! I'll get even with you, Claude Frollo!"

The way “discipline” is in quotes makes me worry. And making someone forever unable to secure another job due to a minor insubordination is messed up- though, seeing as Frollo had a previous captain whipped and tried to shoot Phoebus off a bridge for refusing to murder someone, this guy probably got off easily. 

The Minister of Justice sneered at this inane threat. "And just WHAT will you do? It is obvious you can't even negotiate a walk across the street, let alone perform your duties! Yes, I guarantee you'll never find work in Paris again - now begone, you idiot!"

Again, this is sort of messed up.

Claude Frollo smiled. It had been a productive day, but oh-so tiring. He needed a release. Claude paced about his study, restless from boredom, yet drained from overwork. A thought suddenly came to him. That's it!, he thought. After all, it was a warm day, and a quick swim would be just the thing to relieve the stress. Claude Frollo's thoughts turned to Danisha, his 14th FSM.

Who the hell is Danisha? That’s not exactly a common name in medieval Paris. And what is an FSM? Do I want to know? And what timeframe does this take place in? If it’s before the movie, what happened to Danisha to leave Frollo free to obsess over Esmeralda? And if it’s during the movie, does he have two obsessions at once? I wouldn’t put it past him, but still… squick. And it can’t be after the movie because he’d be dead. 

She suggested I take up some pleasant past-time, he thought, my lovely wild-honeyed lady. Always so caring, so sweet, so..

Wild-honeyed lady? What does that even mean?

His mind raced back to that magical summer of luscious days and even sweeter nights spent with her. She had maddened him at first with her off-the-wall humor and saucy tongue. Yet, somehow, she had managed to melt his heart and stirred a desire in him so strong that he could not...

Wasn’t the entire plot driven by the fact that he’s a member of the clergy and cannot have sex or fall in love? Seeing as he wanted to either rape or murder Esmeralda her evil sin of being attractive, it just doesn’t seem like he’d have a healthy relationship with Danisha, whoever she is. 

"Stop this!", he muttered to himself. "Thinking about her only stresses you more."

But it good stress! A wicked smile lit up his face as he made his way outside. Mounting his horse, Snowball, he informed his sergeant that he was going for a short swim. "If an emergency should arise, you'll know where to find me." Claude did not notice the just-fired lieutenant lurking in the shadows of the Palace. As Claude rode off, the ex-soldier motioned to some boys playing nearby.

Yeah, there’s nothing that could go wrong with randomly bathing in a pond, telling people that dislike you that you’re doing so, and then leaving...

"Hey kids!", he called to them, "Want to earn a little money?" "Sure", said the oldest boy. "What do you want done?" The soldier grinned. "Let's play a game called "Getting Even with the Boss" The boys nudged each other and grinned back. "Where to?", asked the youngest. "Just follow me." And soon the entire group followed the tall man riding a fine black horse.

  Whatever this guy has in store for him, Frollo probably deserves it.

Claude Frollo reached a lovely, secluded spot just outside of town. The water looked so inviting and refreshing. Besides, there was no one around to spy on him or bother him with petty concerns. Here he could be by himself, enjoy a swim, and collect his thoughts. Claude tied Snowball to a tree, neatly folded his clothes and piled them on the riverbank, and took the plunge. Oh, this is heavenly, he thought, as he allowed the cool water to envelope and rejuvenate his body and mind. It was nearly sunset, he realized, must not stay too long... but this IS wonderful.

This is literally just tempting fate here.

Claude became so wrapped in his enjoyment that he did not notice a group of boys watching him through the bushes. He did not see those same boys quietly lift his clothes and untie his horse. Nor did he see the ex-soldier guiding Snowball down the road. Ah, nearly dusk, must get out now. I'm feeling sooo much better. Claude got out of the water and reached for his clothes. He suddenly panicked. Where are my clothes! Where's my Snowball! He looked up just in time to see that damned soldier and some boys hastily running down the road with his clothes and horse

  How did someone just walk off with his entire goddamn horse without him noticing? Also, I have a feeling that a judge/archdeacon (depending on the adaptation) just casually bathing in a random pond in the view of several people would raise a couple eyebrows. 

"Come back here you thieving vermin!" Claude roared at the top of his lungs. "You'll dearly pay for this insult!"

In their haste, the merry group dropped Claude's cape and something else. A sterling silver, amethyst-studded device. Claude picked up his cape and the small, silvery pager.

This story takes place in the 1400s, does it not? How on earth did this guy manage to get ahold of and use a pager?! And even if he did somehow manage to find one, he’d probably accuse whoever had it of witchcraft and burn/draw-and-quarter them. He doesn’t exactly have a great track record of accepting things he doesn’t understand. 

Wait until I get my hands on them! I'll tear them apart! Make them suffer the worst possible punishment I can... Claude Frollo was livid, as he wrapped the cape around himself, and, clutching the little pager, walked back to town.</p>

He’s fantasizing about torturing some young pranksters?! I get if he’s mad at them, but they’re kids! Jesus Christ!

Judge Claude Frollo slipped back into town unnoticed. Thank goodness no-one's spotted me, he shuddered, his body now shivering from dampness and the cool evening air. Have to make it back to the Palace of Justice and then I'll take care of those thieving ruffians... Just then, he heard a swell of female voices heading up the street. FSMs! How did they find me? That blasted soldier! Now he will clearly pay for embarassing me!

 What the hell is an FSM?! The context here makes me think he’s just referring to women as a whole, which is weird. 

But the horde of young females had already spotted his tall, slender form. "There he is!", shouted Aranxta, "Ooh, he is DIVINE!" 

 There’s nothing the ladies love more than naked old priests/judges who fantasize about torture, rape and murder. Also, what type of name is Aranxta? It makes me think this author is just inserting names of her friends here, because girls from medieval France generally aren’t called things like that. I’m no historian but I generally think of, like, Mary or Agnes when I think “middle ages.”

Their leader, a woman who called herself Belladonna, urged the ladies, "Get him, girls! Don't let him get away!" Claude dashed up a side street, trying frantically to get away. He felt a tug at his cape. It was one of the older FSMs.

You can’t just keep using that acronym without telling your audience what it means.

"MADAM!"

"Just trying to get a peek at that MANLY body!"

Because he’s just such a ladies’ man, as evidenced by Esmeralda choosing death over sleeping with him.

Frollo: Choose me or the fire.

Esmeralda: *spits in his face*

"Ladies, please!", Claude pleaded, "This is not a good time. I have important business to attend to...." Eventually he struggled out of the cape and disappeared down a dark alley, whilst the FSMs continued fighting over him.

And he wanted to burn Esme for witchcraft? I want to know which magic potion he’s using to make people think he's attractive.

Out of breath, cold, and angry, Claude hid in a recess of an abandoned building. He still clutched the tiny pager. 

How and why does he know how to use a pager?! Why does this exist

"Why didn't I think of this before? Yes! She will help me. My beautiful brown-sugared....Darling Nisha..."

His weird descriptions of this Nisha chick are kind of unnerving. Brown-sugared?

Claude took the pager and began pushing the buttons. He cast his eyes heavenward. "Oh PLEASE let this work", he prayed as he began coding a cryptic message.

Seeing as God literally made a gargoyle come to life to fall off the cathedral and “plunge you into the fiery pit,” I really doubt he’s on your side.

And does using a pager really require “coding a cryptic message?” I mean, I’m no specialist, but it just doesn’t seem all that complicated. Maybe for a guy from the 1400s, but seeing as how he both owns a pager and is not surprised/confused at its existence, I’d assume he knows how to correctly use one. 

[midnightbedroom]

UFDT 1819

"After a year filled with voice cracks, busted worn-out shoes, eyecandy talks, shout-singing lyrics of random songs during practice, sleepovers, intimate circles, and competitions swept, my time as UFDT commander has finally ended.

I would like to thank everyone, especially my team and the continuous support from alumni, ASIs, my friends, and my family. Going through this year has been absolutely incredible with their huge amount of support, and I couldn't have asked for a better people to be in this team.

This year, we've swept all comps and I've been absolutely blessed becoming the chosen commander. I am so grateful to have led such passionate girls who are determined to give their all on that drillpad — and we did! We dominated that drillpad. Sweeping first on nationals has been an honor in unarmed. We made history this year, and I'm proud that it was our team.

In recognition, I'd like to congratulate Ariana on becoming the next upcoming commander for next year. Girl, I know you'll do amazing :) I'd also like to congratulate all my first year babies — Caryll, Elisha, Kristen, Carina, and Jesseca :,) I love you all so much, and I could never ask for better first years. Watching you grow all year has been incredible, and I can't wait to see where you go in the future. I hope the team has treated you with all the sincere sisterhood you all deserve. Carry on tradition! For all the seniors and my fourth years, thank you for all your dedication and hardwork. You've been a huge role model for all of us, and we'll all miss you. For my only year sister, Rachel, we made it sis :,) And for all third years, this is it; one more year and we're out.

So this is Laura Masado, CC of UFDT 18-19, signing out.

Thank you for all the tears and laughter :)"

— were my last few words as commander.

I honestly don't know where to begin. I'm way overdue with this post when I was supposed to post it before April ended, but since my body has no plan on sleeping, then I guess it's a good idea to finish this post.

Starting before my freshman year, right after my 8th graduation, I've been honestly lost. I just got out of a really toxic relationship, so I never really focused on what to do after middle school. I didn't know what to do for my extracurriculars, so I went with my friends and joined in band colorguard. As I joined this team, I had no definition of sisterhood or familyhood. I didn't even know these people existed. I just saw them performing in my middle school and found them really cool. With their colorful flags, sturdy rifles, and slick sabre, I thought "why the fuck not?" And so I tried out, and eventually got in after the first few days. I stuck around for a bit, even performed for the Fourth of July Parade down the streets of Mira Mesa. Not gonna lie, I enjoyed it myself. I love spinning that damn 6 feet tall flag and getting to do tricks with it. But after a while, I had to leave for my vacation for the Philippines.

Before I left, there was a volleyball camp available for me, which I attended late because of my colorguard duties. I was offered a spot in the camp and skipped a whole ass week of colorguard just to attend it. I had to lie my ass out of practice just so I can get to camp. Let me tell you, that shit was hard. I was sore for a good ass week, and I did not regret any fucking second of it. I learned so much from positions to the way it's supposed to be hit. The only thing stopping me was how fucking weak I was. I could not fucking hit the damn ball across the net during my serves. I was a good passer and striker, but my skinny bitchass was too damn weak to even get it through JUST for my serves. I was a good teamplayer, even the coach in charge told me so, but I could not fucking serve. I hated myself for it. After that tiring ass week and a half, I eventually got a hang of it and ACTUALLY got a ball over the net. I was so damn happy. My weak ass self was happy. After that, I was on a roll. Though, I was kinda late for getting a hang of it. I should've practiced harder and got myself to get stronger just so I can serve better. Eventually, the camp had to end, and I had to leave for the Philippines.

And so I left. I was burnt as hell — all of my relatives called me out on that. I lowkey gained muslcs from it, and let me tell you, my body was at its prime. I was skinny, lowkey toned, and my skin was flawless. I knew I had all of those, yet I refused to accept it, so I starved myself. I had to make sure I looked good for freshman year. Plus, you know how Filipinos work — they force you to eat all the d a m n time. I started to gain hella weight. I lost my toneness and curves and gained this big ass. I hated it. Regardless of my body, I still had a fun time with my relatives I grew up with in the Philippines. My mind and heart were aligned.

As much as I wanted to stay, I had to go back to America for my orientation. I got back the night before orientation day, and I didn't even sleep because of the damn jet lag. My ass showed up to school looking like trash with my wackass eyeliner, hoping that no one would notice my eyebags.

I went to school with my friends, Jasmine and Daphne, and on the way, we picked up Starbucks because my bitchass was dead as fuck. We lined up for the ID line, and that's when I saw him. My ex. Marcus and I didn't really end up well after our year and a month relationship. It was pretty rocky and toxic to the point where my friends had to actually butt-in and tell both of us to stop. To hell with them. Until I actually realized that they were right after he cheated on me three times. It brought me back to so much memories — extreme memories where one look can just ruin my progress. Both of us knew that we were aware of each others presence. The tension was too strong. A good time has passed, and I finally left his radius.

I bumped into my friend, Rizza, and asked her about volleyball tryouts because I missed it due to my vacation. She told me she was one of the captains, and I expressed my gratitude. She told me that I can still tryout due to how I was close to the coach, and I had a liable fact on why I wasn't there. After that week, I tried out. And I kid you not, I was weaker than I was before during volleyball camp. I tried so fucking hard to get to how I was during camp, but I fucking lost it. I got slower and weaker — even fatter. I lost my skill. I got cut after that week.

As my freshman year started, I was still lost. I forgot I was still involved with colorguard, so I was still assigned to a period with them — that shit was the most embarassing thing ever. I had to be with them for an entire day because my bitchass never told the school that I wasn't interesred with colorguard anymore. So I sat through with them and continued my day.

That's when I stepped up and went to my counselor to talk about what PE I'm going to replace colorguard with. They gave me a list of PE credentials that I can enlist on. JROTC caught my attention since both of my brothers were on it, and so I followed family tradition and continued their legacy in the program.

The next day, I got into JROTC. At first, I was kinda scared because I didn't know how military was going to be. As I joined, I saw a couple of familiar faces like my brother's friends and a few people I had classes with beforehand. I was starting to feel at ease.

It got to the point where drill team tryouts started. I told myself to step it up and join Unarmed because they were pretty fierce girls and they were highly looked up upon in the program. Tryouts was wack. Let me repeat it one more time, T R Y O U T S. W A S. W A C K. Why? Because everyone who tried out were pussies. Their sensitive asses cried after getting yelled at while I'm out here taking in everything they're saying just because I'm used to all the yelling — thanks to my Filipino household. After those two whole ass weeks of getting yelled at in my ear, I got in the team, along with two other people: Rachel and Sydney.

Days turned into weeks, which turned into months of me being in Unarmed. I started to feel this sense of commitment and sisterhood that they all deemed to have. But not the fullest potential. I had a decent freshman year, but it wasn't necessarily the best. Rachel and I were outcasts. The team didn't really welcome us since we were the only freshman, Sydney, in the otherhand, was already a sophomore and she already knew how to fit in. It was a rough road to get to where I am now. Soon enough, sergeant tryouts came, and I got the position. Everyone knew it too.

Sophomore year came, and I had to hella step it up to the point where I had to be a commander to all second years. We had a unit inspection, and out of all second years, I was chosen to lead them. I was given this title where I was superior to everyone else. I took advantage of that and started slacking off which ruined my chance as a Unit Commander.

Junior year came along, and I finally became the Unarmed Commander. I fucking enjoyed every single bit of it. I learned from my freshman and sophomore year mistakes. I did everything they couldn't do and everything they did right. It was a prime year. We got first on all competitions and got sweepstakes for ALL. It was a lifetime achievement as a commander. Eventually, I started to slack off after three comps, again. I gave up the idea of being wing commander so Rachel can have it. I started focusing more on what I can do with my team and what I can do for the unit. Soon enough, nationals came and your fucking girl did it. She did something NO OTHER commander has ever done — got 1st sweepstakes on nationals. After the fucking sweat, tears, and hardwork; after all the fucking thoughts of not being good enough for the team which kept me up all night — the year ended on a good fucking high note.

I am beyond, and utterly, fucking proud of my team.

After this journey of being lost to finding myself, I finally found my identity. This team, right here, helped me. Without this team, I wouldn't have survived highschool and had the motivation to get good ass grades and perform better each time. Without this team, I probably wouldn't have known what sisterhood was. I still probably would've been lost in my own box of thoughts.

This year has taught me nothing but commitment. I look back to freshman year self, and I honestly could't have seen myself get this far. With the support from my family and these girls — especially Tintin — holy shit. I could've never made it.

So here, from the bottom of my heart, I give this team my heart and my soul. My commanding year is finally over. Best of luck to Ariana. I know she'll carry on this legacy and so much better.

[adauntlessangel]

💗

[Long Post Warning][You’ve Been Warned]

Zoey & Dustin

First off, these two are a whole mess of complicated and cute. It all started off on one depressing, and typical, Valentine’s Day. Of course our two lovely hereos here were out and about at the local drinking hole. Dustin was surrounded by a bunch of arrogant lions who were like ‘lmao we can’t get that cute little blonde with our demeaning and jerky pick-up lines.’ and then this little cute cub emerges and is all like ‘I GOT THIS DUDE’ so, of course, our young lioness here is just out to mourn the fact she has no social life, and enjoy a good drink and some cheese fries! That in turn landed here right smck dab where they are right now. Happily in love and in a relaitonship NO ONE saw coming. Because come on, in any other universe Zoey and Dustin probably would have never met. It’s fate, right? Well, these two love birds at the epitomty of abosoltute fluff and smush and just downright friggin’ adorable. 

Down to being serious though. 

Zoey grew up in a home that was less than ideal for a girl like her. She grew up not trusting men because of it, and deep down she was always afraid of being hurt. Or betrayed, hell, even getting stuck in the same scenario her mother had been. So, when she met Dustin at first she fell instantly because he truly was a sweet and honest guy. That, on top of the fact he was a police officer, it added some extra faith into her broken soul that maybe she found a good guy. Somewhere down the line, a few months maybe even nearly a year in, Zoey most definitely would have been getting cold feet. Thing about Dustin is, he knows Zoey, all her quirks, what she likes and oesn’t like. He’s that one rare guy that pays attention to detail. Like, Zoey loves cheesefries but not the soggy crap. No. The fries nee to be crisp but not burnt and if you add either a rootbeer float or some type of milkshake into the mix, you’ve got a very happy Zoey on your hands. Well, I can see Dustin noticing Zoey is pushing him away, that she’s internally shutting down because come on now, lets be honest, no guy is THAT perfect (right?)

Apparently, there is. Instead of letting her push him away, Dustin more thank likely, tries harder. Proving to our broken little blonde here that she’s not alone and once she tells him about her past. About her father and the abuse she and her mother were subjected too, she can only imagine what he would do in response. After all, he is an officer of the law…who knows what Dustin could come up with? 

After the rise and fall of a few months, a new era, so to speak, begins. Zoey starts a healing process. Our big band author turns a new leaf and becomes someone she could have never known to be without her protector, and absolutely adorable boyfriend, Dustin. 

See, he’s not just the boyfriend or the protector. He’s the cuddle monster. He is the guy she can call at 2 am who will come rushing over if she had a nightmare. He is the guy who will check her security system 3 times before leaving if her scary father comes into town with less than good intentions. He is that guy who will bring her flowers and pizza into work and force her to stop and to take a break because she skipped lunch and breakfast. He is that guy who will take her car to get the oil changed and washed because he knows she hates it, and she usually goes about 5000 miles past the ideal time to have it done and he just can’t stand to see a car suffer like that. 

He is THAT guy. He is THE guy.

He’s her guy. 

Their relationship is like yin and yang. He balances her out whens he’s ready to fall apart, and she brings parts of him to life he had never nown before. At the end of the day, they’re like a clown fish and a sea aneneme. One can’t survive without the other. It just doesn’t make sense. 

Bryce & Emilia

Alright, if you thought Dustin and Zoey were complicated, confusing, and irrational. Then. LOL. Jokes on you. 

Bryce and Emilia are…well, like fire and water. 

So this little mondern day version of Romeo and Juliet (No one has died from their love. Yet. It is bound to happen. Will, I mean you. HAHA just kidding. Continue with the story..) Bryce and Emilia met through Bryce’s older brother Will, who was also Emilia’s best friend. The whole thing started off as an act of defiance on Bryce’s end. Platonically disobeying Will’s request to leave Emilia alone becaus she truly was a good girl. Whereas Bryce was never a committed man, and truly, not a good guy at all. He liked to fuck around and play with people, that was all he knew. (We think it’s derived from the fact he has mommy/daddy issues. But we’ll get to that later!) So, when he meets this girl who has limited experience, and she’s genuinely kind…something happens. Emilia knew all too well about Bryce’s reputation. After all, he was her best friend’s brother. Thing of it was…Emilia swore she felt something different when they were together. She’d seen Bryce with other girls now and again, but maybe it was delusion or arrogance. Though our kindhearted girl swore Bryce looked at her differently. Thing of it was, she was probably just seeing Bryce look at her with that ‘I’m purely doing this to piss my brother off, not because I like you’ even though Bryce admitted full frontal to Will of how he thought Emilia was attractive. Our issues with this couple begin in just the start of their relationship. While Emilia thinks Bryce is changing and that they were off to a good start, Mr. Matthew’s here was off sleeping around behind ehr back. Though, he probably still thinks it meant nothing since it was just in the start and they were simply ‘dating’ at the time. Emilia began suspecting things after the honeymoon phase for her wore off. After all, Bryce was known for his behavior and his lack of commitment. So when they surpassed his record for dating (and continued making a new one) the paranoia seeped in. How could it not? Bryce had never been in a relaitonship this long and Emilia wasn’t sure how to react. So, instead of clinging to him and trying to distance herself…it was the little things that kept her involved. Like on the weekends he would come over and they would spend all day watching Netflix and eating take out. Or when they made love, it felt more intense for her than with the one guy before him. (Limited experience was kind of hurting her here). 

Unable to stop herself, Emilia was falling in love with the monster so to speak. Or perhaps a time bomb would be a better comparison? Regardless, it was happening. Maybe, just maybe he was changing for her. Maybe she was finally what he wanted and lord knows he was what she wanted. But, then reality came crashing home like a wrecking ball through a glass house. New Years Eve. It had been Emilia’s will to drag Bryce to one of her friend’s parties to ring in the New Year. Bryce of course, didn’t want to go originally but, somehow he gave in to the girls pleas. Something she would regret before the New Year came in. It was nearly time for the ball to drop and Emilia was talking with one of her friends. Out of arrogance or perhaps blind faith, she assumed Bryce would come find her before the ball dropped. She trusted him that much. She loved him, why wouldn’t she trust him? 

So when the New Year came and everyone was kissing around – everyone except her…that was when she saw the truth. Bryce was kissing her childhood best friend Lindsey. It wasn’t just a quaint little peck either. Alcohol involved or not…she trusted him and he broke that. Sadly enough he didn’t believe he had done anything wrong. He did it to “get her attention”. Then when he noticed his weak attempts at blaming her for his actions didn’t work…did he realize she was truly done. It’s one thing to assume someone was cheating on you but had no evidence. It was something else entirely when that evidence was thrust upon you at a part where all of your friends were. Let alone with your bestfriend.

So, she left that party alone, shattered, and broken. Two weeks went by before she even bothered to leave her room. She was completely ruined, she loved him. She had fought with everyone for so long that Bryce was a good guy, that he was changing. That he would never hurt her. Well, that was her own stupidity at work. You would think a break up shouldn’t hit her so hard, especially when it was with someone like Bryce. The truth of the matter was, he honestly seemed to care for her. Why else would he sleep over, not have sex, and just simply fall asleep holding her at night? Why..why..why..

To make matters worse, Will didn’t seem to show as much compassion for Emilia as she thought he would. Instead, he only made matters worse over some texts and she just refused to speak to anyone after the fact. She could barely look people in the eye, that was how badly Bryce had ruined her. It wasn’t just her, it was everyone. Her best friend, everyone she knew at that party. It followed her around. He truly embarassed her to a point she considered taking what money she had and leaving town for a while. 

Somehow through her despair though, Emilia decided she wouldn’t let him win. Who was he to destroy her entirely? He was nothing. A no one. A jerk. So, by some miracle she stopped crying and she forced herself to believe she was going to be okay. It was easier to believe a liet han face the truth at this point. 

It shocked everyone when she announced she had a date for Valentine’s Day. Perhaps Bryce had made her form a heart of ice, because deep down the only reason she even put as much effort into her outfit (victoria’s secret lingerie and all) was if she and her date bumped into her ex and whatever slut he would have on his arm. 

Finally, Emilia thought she had done something right when Valentine’s Day approached. Flowers had followed her all around town, several being delivered to her home. Cute little notes complimenting and saying things in regard to her looks. She finally felt whole again. That maybe for once she found a nice guy. Only for the true horror to begin when she opened her door and Bryce was standing there. An expensive dress hidden beneath a beautiful box, and the male seemed to have dressed up as well. Apparently he assumed she would have been miserable, in her pajamas and crying over him. The shock on his face was priceless. 

Though he managed to break her again when he confessed the flowers, everything, had been sent from him. Shocking to believe, right? Why would he go out of his way to send her things? Surely it was some kind of trick. A way to get into her panties one last time and boast about how easily he could do it. 

Turns out laides and gentleman, the nice girl managed to worm her way into the bad boys heart. He couldn’t replace her, how could he? She was the one person who fought to see the good in him, the one person who believed in him. Probably the only person to ever truly love him…how could he simply believe he could move on from that? Compared to all of the other girls she was perfect. He couldn’t live without her, granted he had sex with other girls during their break-up. Something he thinks is logical and perhaps in a way he is right. But, at the end of the day, if you really love a girl, you shouldn’t be able to have sex with anyone else. Period. 

After some banter between the two of them, he broke through her walls once again and she foolishly let him back into her heart. 

Right, well, Emilia and Bryce’s second chance seemed to be going an awful lot stronger than the first time. He seemed to have elarned his lesson that Emilia was worth more than a million one night stands, and apparently, for Bryce, that was a good thing. Issue is, Bryce is controlling. It’s hard to explain how he does it without going on for ages, but simply put, Emilia is his, and his alone. He doesn’t want her around her friends (Will especially) encase they convince her to leave him again. The big bad boy can’t handle feeling his little heart be broken by her once again. (He’d probably die if he felt a fraction of the pain Emilia did JS)

Emilia and Bryce’s relationship is the classic old, she’s to good for him, and he’s not good enough for her couple. Emilia wants children and I have a feeling to get them in the future she is having with Bryce, she may or may not need to take things into her own hands. Skipping out on birth control or convincing him to forget the condom. Bryce is selfish, he purely wants Emilia all to himself and no one else. Not even their children. He’s afraid of her loving someone more than him. He’s controlling and compelling, but, Emilia hopes in the future she’ll be able to tame him. 

Since they’ve conquered the crazy part of their relationship, Emilia is going to try her hardest to fully change him. He’ll have to learn that if he wants her in his ife, he’ll have to meet her halfway. Kids. Marriage. The big house wiht a white fence. Thing of it is, will he be able to do it or is this little rendevous a lost cause? I persoanlly have no idea how they will end, but I have a feeling another catastrphoe wills trike before they both get whateve rhappily ever after they recieve. 

[idekwidcfo]

Chapter Two, or three, depending on if I decide to separate the last two posts (which were supposed to be chapter one but two different sections but then why did I upload them separately instead of as one chapter? I don’t know!) 

Prom came and went, and it was whatever. I didn’t go, obviously, but I did check MySpace for my friends-- Mar in particular-- posting their Prom Pics. She looked so great that I felt a twinge of regret for not going. I wouldn’t have had a date, but I would have been able to gawk at Mar in person instead of just in photos. It might have been worth it. 

Luckily, our first date at Steak n Shake then Electric Avenue, the local show venue, was only a week after prom. It was hard to regret not going to some stupid, stuffy school dance when something much more exciting was coming up so soon. 

I bought myself a new outfit in anticipation of my first show and my first date with Mar. I hoped it would be a momentuous and memorable occasion for both reasons. Despite the store’s somewhat embarassing reputation, I went to Hot Topic. It’s the only place I know of, to this day, where I can reliably get a sturdy pair of black skinny jeans for under $50 that actually fit me. Also, hell, sometimes going out and buying something punk was easier than hunting through thrift stores all damn day, even if it was technically less punk to do so. I found a pair of the pants I liked on sale-- lucky me-- and also bought a new t-shirt with a logo for one of the bands Mar and I had ended up agreeing was pretty good. I even got some hair gel, from Target not from Hot Topic. While I was getting ready, I played around with trying on some eye-liner, but it made me feel uncomfortable and dysphoric, so I took it off. 

I had Googled her address to see how long it took to drive there even though I already had the directions figured out. Google said it would take 17 minutes, so I left 22 minutes ahead of time. I figured it would be better to wait in the car outside her house than make her wait around for me. At 6:54 I was sitting outside of the address she had given me, parked on the street and wondering whether I should get out and go knock on the door or just shoot her a text. I decided on the text message. Visions of her parents answering the door and wanting to interview me filled my head and scared the shit out of me. 

I was overthinking the text and kept editing the damn thing, so I was still composing it when I heard a knock on my window. It startled me badly enough that I jumped a bit. I looked up to see Mar looking like some punk princess laughing at me for being jumpy. 

She looked incredible, rocking the fishnet stockings again with a black-and-red plaid skirt that came down to just above her knees. The bottom of a pair of tight black shorts peaked out from under the skirt, proving she was moshpit-ready. She was wearing a shirt for some band I hadn’t heard of before, which probably meant it was a local band. She had mentioned during one of our long AIM conversations that she liked wearing local band tees to local band shows, even if the same band wasn’t playing. Her make-up fit the outfit-- the smear of black around her eyes and purple on her lips somehow came across as ready for the moshpit just as much as her black under-shorts did. 

I stopped gawking at her and unlocked my car doors, being really obvious about it so she would know I was inviting her to get in. “Sorry about that,” I said. “I was working on a text to send you and kind of overthinking it.” 

“No worries, I was just peeking out my window and noticed there was a car outside that matched the description of your car. Figured I’d go ahead and come out. I’m glad you were a little early, I couldn’t have handled it if you had made me wait anxiously for another ten minutes,” she said, smiling at me. Another, I noted, swooning a little as I realized that she had just confessed to waiting anxiously. 

As she got in, she revealed a pair of chunky-soled purple boots that definitely completed her outfit, and made it easy for her to stomp the empty Monster cans littering the floor of my car out of her way. I repressed a frown at myself for not cleaning my car out first-- of all the preparation I had done, that had simply not occurred to me. She didn’t seem to mind it, so I didn’t dwell on it. Instead I put the car back into drive and took off for the closest Steak n Shake, about a 15 or 20 minute drive from her house (exactly 14 minutes according to Google Maps, but I liked to over-estimate, to be safe). I let her choose the music. She informed me that she was playing music by one of the bands we were going to see tonight. I didn’t instantly fall in love or anything, but it was pretty okay. They had a strong drum and bass section that kept a steady, fast beat which seemed like it would be fun to dance to. 

We arrived at Steak n’ Shake and I considered running around and getting Mar’s door, but she hopped out before I could make a decision about it. It was probably for the better-- when I got the door to the restaurant for her, she scoffed at me and made a sarcastic remark about her weak womanly arms. It was pretty obvious that she was just teasing, but I made a mental note to throw the chivarly act out the window. 

It was much harder to talk to her in person than it had been to talk over AIM. My brain was an unhelpful blank. My internal monologue sounded something like this: Wow, I should really say something to Mar instead of just sitting here in awkward silence. Yep. Would be really nice to think of something to say. I don’t understand why I’m not thinking of anything. I’m going to think of something now! Okay, that didn’t work. Maybe I should just tell her I can’t think of anything to talk about? That would be talking. “My brain is doing a very unhelpful thing where I want to think of something to talk about, but all my thoughts are just about how I should think of something to talk about,” I said aloud. 

Mar laughed. “I’ve experienced that before. It’s the worst. Especially when you’re with people you think are really cool and want to make friends with.” 

I smiled at her, glad she was able to relate and didn’t think I was weird. “I ususally have like a thousand random thoughts going through my brain at any given time, so it’s really weird and frustrating that I can’t think of anything to talk about, besides getting meta.” 

“We could do one of those silly little conversation-lubricating games, like 20 questions,” Mar said. 

So we did that for a bit, and it was fun. Our food came, and before I knew it the dinner portion of the date was over. As we went back to my car to get to the “and a show” part of the date, she suggested another round of 20 questions. 

“Ah, okay, uh, can you eat it?” I asked, turning my car on and beginning the drive over the Electric Avenue. 

“It would be a waste, but technically,” she said. 

“Is it alive?” I asked. 

“Not any more, but it once was,” she replied. 

I was already a bit baffled. “What color is it?” I asked. 

“Isn’t 20 questions supposed to be yes or no questions only?” 

“Well, you’re not giving me yes or no answers so it threw me off,” I said. 

She smirked at me and I swear I almost crashed the damn car because I couldn’t look away. Fortunately, I did not crash, and after a moment I was able to focus on driving again. She finally answered. “Okay, okay. The thing I’m thinking of is green and white.” 

That did not help at all. The only thing I could think of was cheerleading outfits for one of the Catholic schools in our area, which didn’t fit with the other answers. “Is it a plant?” I asked. Plants could be white and green and definitely could ‘technically’ be eaten, although I couldn’t quite figure out what plant would be ‘sort of a waste’ if someone did eat it. 

“Yes!” she said, sounding very excited. 

“Is it uh… an herb?” I supposed eating straight oregano or basil would be ‘sort of’ a waste. 

She grinned and I knew I was onto something. Then she gave it away completely. “It is herb!” 

It still took a second for that to click, but she whipped out a little marijuana cigarette and that round of 20 questions was over. I was honestly a bit freaked out. I had never known anyone who did any drugs. Despite my punkish inclinations, our group at school was really just bunch of nerds. 

She seemed to notice my hesitation. “Do you not smoke?” she asked, looking more unsure of herself than I had yet to see her. 

“Just cigarettes,” I said. “I’m not, like, opposed to marijuana, though. I’ve just never done it, or been around anyone who has done it.” 

She laughed. “You’re really calling it ‘marijuana’?” 

I blushed. “Umm, yeah. I guess that does sound pretty nerdy, huh?” 

“It does,” she said. There was a moment of silence, then she asked, “do you want to try it?” 

“Maybe?” I said, truthfully. I had a lot of curiosity about it, but it seemed like a big thing to just jump into on a whim. 

“What’s holding you back?” she asked. 

“Well, mostly, I’m going to have to drive home, and I don’t know how it’s going to affect me yet,” I said, since it was the best argument the part of me that was afraid had. 

“Oh,” she said. “That is a really good point, actually. I wouldn’t want you to have to drive after your first time getting high.” 

“Oh okay,” I said. “A part of me does want to try it but a bigger part of me wants to make sure we both get home safe at the end of the night.” 

Mar gave me a dazzling grin. I definitely wasn’t getting a tolerance to the smiles she gave me, but at least this time I stayed focused on driving and didn’t worry about crashing due to Mar-smile-related hypnosis. “How sweet of you. Well, do you mind if I smoke it? Then you can see how it makes me act and get an idea of its affects.” 

“No, I don’t mind, that’s fine,” I said. She lit up and I recognized the smell. “Oh dammit.” 

“What?” she asked. 

“I recognize that smell. My dad totally smokes pot,” I said. 

We laughed, her a little harder than me and I assumed it was because of the pot or weed or whatever the not-lame term for it was. However, I noticed that she wasn’t acting terribly different, which was comforting to the part of me that really did want to try it myself. 

We got to the venue and I found street parking not too far away. Once we stepped out of my car, she lit a cigarette. I felt like a barely knew her. Despite all the chatting we’d been doing the past week, she hadn’t mentioned smoking anything, let alone both weed and cigarettes. However, I lit one too. Smoking is bad and unhealthy and smelly and so not cool and all that, but at some point when I was 15 my curiosity had gotten the better of me and here I was, now a smoker. I ran with that thought train. “How long have you been smoking?” I asked her. 

She grimaced. “I started when I was 13, unfortunately. Both cigarettes and weed.” 

“15 here,” I told her. “My dad smokes and I nicked one. I was curious. I didn’t even smoke it for months, just looked at it.” 

She smirked at me. “That’s kind of cute. I hung around with some of my cousins who were a bit older and they all smoked, so I kind of just picked it up.” 

We finished our cigarettes outside the doors of the venue, and I was pleased to see Mar put her butt in a trash can instead of littering. I paid the door fee, which was only $10 for both of us, and we went inside. I had been worried about being a bit late, since my phone said it was 8:05, but the band was still setting up their instruments. There was already a little crowd in front of the stage, and I followed Mar as she joined the five or six other people standing there waiting. 

Suddenly a blur of black and blue appeared from nowhere, and it took me a second to realize it was a person. They had launched themself at Mar for a giant, very enthusiastic hug. I bit down some jealousy that I knew was irrational. If it was someone she already knew, which seemed pretty obvious given the way they hugged her, and she liked them, she would have started dating them well before I asked her out. 

Their ridiculously enthusiastic hug ended and I got a good look at the person who had just catipulted themself at my date. They were very attractive, and I felt the irrational jealousy that I really didn’t want to feel bubble up again. They smiled at me and said, “And who is this handsome fella?” 

I blushed and suddenly my jealousy turned into flattery. Mar grinned at me. “This is Vaughn. We’re on our first date.” 

Mar’s friend’s smile got a little bigger. “Oh, you? On a date? Good for you, Vaughn! I’ve been trying to get Mar to date someone for like a year now.” 

“Not you though?” I asked. 

“Oh no, I’m gay. I don’t like women. I mean, I guess if I did like women I would be into Mar since she’s so pretty,” they flashed another smile at Mar, who smiled back, “but nah, I prefer dudes.” 

“Oh cool!” I said. “I’m actually bisexual but Mar’s the first person who-- er, well, heard a rumor that I liked her and made me ask her out. So, here we are!” 

“Oh, a bunch a bisexuals here, huh? You’re still bi, too, right Mar?” 

“Yep. Been that way since I was 14. Still am. It’s actually kind of insulting of you to ask, Derek,” Mar said. 

“Derek? That’s your name? I hadn’t gotten it yet, sorry,” I said. 

“No worries. I am, in fact, Derek,” they said, grinning again. “Nice to formally make your acquaintance, Vaughn.” 

Mar rolled her eyes as Derek and I shook hands. 

“He pronouns?” I asked. 

“What?” 

“Er, it’s polite to ask people’s pronouns instead of assuming and I’m trying to get into the habit,” I explained. 

“Oh! Yeah, he, him, they, she, whatever. I’m a man but I know I’m a little flamboyant so I don’t mind being called ‘she’ sometimes. You?” 

“He,” I confirmed. “Preferably only he, I really don’t like being called ‘she’, and ‘they’ makes me feel like I don’t pass.” 

Suddenly, the music started, drowning out any hope of continuing our conversation. I wasn’t sure Derek had even heard the end of my sentence, which might have been a good thing since I had gone ahead and very awkwardly outed myself. 

The show was everything I had hoped for. The band was very interactive with the small group of people surrounding the stage. There was even a tiny mosh pit-- me, Mar, Derek, and two or three other people. I had a great time, and was disappointed when their set ended. 

“Is it everything you dreamed and more?” Mar asked me. 

“It is! Thanks so much for recommending this place!” I said. 

“Doth my ears betray me?” Derek said. “This is your first time at a show?” 

“It is,” I responded. 

“How nice to see you get right into it! All joining the pit and being right up front. I think it is way more fun than awkwardly standing in the back,” Derek told me. 

“I think so too, so far,” I agreed. 

“Y’all should come to my party tomorrow,” he said. 

“Oh?” Mar asked, another grin on her face. “It’s been a while since you threw a party. What’s the special occasion?” 

Derek shrugged. “Not much of one, just my dad going out of town.” 

Mar turned to me. “We should go. Actually, I’m totally going to go, with or without you, but you should come with me. Derek’s parties are a lot of fun.” 

I grinned. “My dad will be pleased that I’m doing things a ‘real teenager’ should do instead of being shut up in my room on the computer. Let’s do it.” 

Derek, Mar, and I chatted until the next band came on. Before I knew it, the night was over, I was covered in sweat, and Derek felt more like an old friend than someone I had just met. It really was everything I had wanted it to be, and I already couldn’t wait to do it again.