#and then my education finally got the upper hand over my weird desperate longing to fully believe in something beautiful and nearly ancient

[canary-prince]

If you catch me posting Bible memes I'm not turning into a Christian or whatever the fuck I was before my intense spiritual crisis 2 years ago (or was it three)? I went to school for academic theological studies (analysis of religion from an exterior view point) and recent books have me nostalgic and hyperfixating.

[lovesanmotion]

yandere!ateez reacts: breaking into your house

💌 This is: requested 

TW: kidnapping, stalking 

Hongjoong: 

It started out first as how a certain white car would always pass by in front of your house morning and night time. Although you never suspected anything because the neighborhood you live in always has new families coming in. But for Hongjoong, he enjoyed the pleasure of seeing you whenever he drives his car pass your house. How he would always find you brushing your hair in front of the vanity mirror on the second floor, how you had your back facing him in the kitchen or just walking in the sidewalk as you get to your destination. 

Until one day, around 4 in the morning, you were awoken to the sound of crashing downstairs. You made a mental note to yourself that you live alone, don’t have a cat nor a dog and you were being robbed at home. Slowly, you reached for your phone on top of the bedside table and dialled 911, informing them how someone broke into your home and is making a noise downstairs. So early in the morning and you were trying to process two things: what the person on the other line is telling you and the noise from downstairs. As the person on the other line was telling you to stay calm and hide while police get to your place, the noise stopped. You whispered to the other person how it all suddenly became quiet and the next thing you knew the door to your bedroom swung open and a man was dragging outside, gripping onto your ankles with a tight grip. The ongoing call on your phone, long forgotten already. 

Seonghwa: 

Park Seonghwa, a once fine young man who was a professor at your university become dangerous and cynical for being obsessed with you. You were forced to move into a different city and acquire your education in a different university once Seonghwa was put into prison after having murdered your family who got in the way with his love for you. 5 years later, you built back the life you once had all by yourself in a new environment, with new people, new places and new ambitions. 

Three days before your graduation, you came home to your apartment and did your usual routine of slipping into your home clothes, getting comfortable first on your bed before making dinner. As you were slowly losing conscious and falling asleep, the chimes of the doorbell rang. Trudging your way to the door, all the sleepiness in your body quickly went away as you were once again came face to face with a man named Park Seonghwa. 

Yunho: 

Yunho thought that breaking up with you was the best thing he ever did. He became more free to himself and lived his life the way how he wants it to be. But about two or three months later, he couldn’t deny the growing feeling of misery as he misses you. He misses your warmth, your touch and hold. And most especially, you. You, on the other hand, is living the best as well. Though you were broken and lost when Yunho broke up with you, it was still thanks to him that you found yourself again and made you love yourself a hundred times more. 

As each day passed by, he slowly became a mad man who’s in desperate need for you. He asked all the people he once knew and asked for your details, anything at all, only to be thrown out the window and say how you were feeling much better without him. He decided to take matters into his own hands and finally, not only found your new contact details, but the address to your new apartment as well. A mad grin paints Yunho’s lips as he watches you struggle out of his grip, screaming on top of your lungs before he throws an upper cut on your stomach, knocking you out and bringing you over to his place. 

Yeosang: 

Watching you from afar is what Yeosang do best. He loves how your hair slides down your shoulders like a waterfall, your fingers tapping slowly on your wooden desk like candles and how your eyes would go into crescent shape whenever you smile. He loves paying attention to the little details about you that no one ever seems to notice. Until one day, he felt like stabbing the guy for asking you to date him. 

He was a threat, a threat to his relationship with you. And he needed to hide you quick before anything else happens. So one day after classes, Yeosang used a drugged handkerchief to knock you out and carry you into a van he once stole years ago to bring you to his place. A place where no one will ever get into his and yours relationship. 

San: 

He has fashioned himself a dummy account and pretended to be interested in befriending you at a certain chatting app. San racked up his brain to relieve all the pick up lines and shameless flirting skills he learned before to use them on you, and capture your attention. When he somehow sensed that you were already right where he wants to be, he asks if he could pick you up at home for a date in the movies. Much to his surprise, you said yes. 

That’s when things started to get a bit creepy, at least to you. While you were preparing for a date with a guy you literally met in an online platform, the lights turned off. Everything was completely dark until you turned up the flashlight on your phone. It was eerily dark and quiet, too quiet. And as you turned around to face behind you, a hand captured your face before dragging you out of your own home. 

Mingi: 

Before Mingi was imprisoned for his crimes of murdering your a classmate in the same section as you, it was reported how he was “professing” his love for you over and over. The police found him irritating but there was nothing they could ever to make him shut up as he would only continue. When the chief of police staff let you hear on the recorder what happened that day, it only brought tears to your eyes. You remembered how Mingi was labelled as a “dead kid” in class. How he never really hung out with anyone and just preferred to himself. Everyone in school made fun of him until you stood up to him. That was the day Mingi’s heart raced for you. And even until today. 

But he didn’t last long in his prison cell, a week after that, it was reported that he escaped and was presumed to be out there and coming for you. And that was exactly what Mingi is doing, laying down besides your bed as you sleep, engulfing you in his hands while he slowly strokes your cheek. Gulping to yourself, you listened to the soft whispers that Mingi was telling you. How he is going to take you out of here and come with him or else everyone you ever love would endure a painful yet silent death. 

Wooyoung: 

It all started out when you moved out of your parents’ home and decided to reside in what they said “a sketchy” town to move into. But you couldn’t blame the people who lived here, the place was indeed creepy. A lot of old but big trees, fern, mosses and grasses everywhere and neighbors were at least 3 feet apart from one another and that the city was too far for your parents’ liking. But you found the place absolutely perfect and to your liking. No matter how much they convinced you to look for more, nothing in this world could ever change your mind. And that made you buy this place. 

And then, the weird things came. A man whose back turned in front of your home, random objects placed on your porch and how you would be able to hear the door from the back opening, but whenever you would investigate it, it was still locked and nothing out of the ordinary happened. Until you came home one day, the backdoor unlocked. Quickly running out of your home, only to be caught in the arms of someone you didn’t know, covering your mouth and muffling your screams before dragging and tossing you inside his van. 

Jongho: 

It felt like you were playing a game called hide and seek. You hide, while Jongho, a classmate of yours who you suddenly grew obsessed with you, seeks you. He was fairly a new kid in your class, he was alright before. And you didn’t know what made him lose his wits and become entirely possessive towards you. 

“My love for you knows no limits!” That was last thing you heard him say until he tugs on ankle, dragging you out of your home and lifting you up in his arms before knocking you out in the head. Only slowly to be dragged into what seemed to be your new home. 

[inugamibeyi]

I actually loooove Kemono Jihen (I'm an anime only) and I wanted to show my love to this adorable squad 🥺

And also How Inugami Could wreck me and I'd thank him.

I'd like to create myself an oc and I couldn't decide which Kemono I should base her on until I realised... That it didn't had to be a japanese Kemono ! (Or I don't think so ?? Correct me if I'm wrong !) So I choose to make a mermaid !

I'll draw her as soon as I Can but here's a few things that happened when Inugami met my dear mermaid : Alma Ievanov !

Alma is now 28 and was born on March 11th in the Waters that are between Japan and Russia, deep in the North. Even if we can't really explain mermaids' origins, Alma looks a lot like the people from nothern east Asia.

Her skin is dark, her hair is thick, black and curly and her eyes are long, slim. The only thing that doesn't match with the typical nothern asian tribes is her eyes, that are deep and blue. She has a few tribal marks on her neck, collarbones and shoulders.

Alma is percieved as very beautiful, but also very singular. She isn't the typical japanese Beauty, with fair skin and shiny straight hair... But people are according on the fact that Alma is captivating.

Under her original form, Alma is 230cm, as a Human, she's 162cm !

As a mermaid, her powers results in creating illusion and spirit manipulation through her voice, shapeshifting and healing, mermaids' tears being famous for healing even the worst injuries and keeping the person who drinks them young and healthy.

Mermaids' powers aren't as effectives and useful in a fight as Shiki's or Kabane's, but they're making great supports and their powers Can Help the group to get informations, manipulate memories to prevent Kemonos from being on display, so unlike our trio, Alma stays behind and make sure to Help them by gaining informations and healing.

Despites her former fear for the Human race, Alma learned from them and realised that not all of them were Bad, leading to her joining the Inugami Office... But it took him long enough to achieve this :

When Alma was 14, she was captured and separated from her family by a wealthy japanese man named Tachibana. The first thing she saw from the Human World was a selfish man, who took her away from her family despite her cries from freedom and begging for mercy, which he neither listened nor understood, as she begged in russian.

After that, only a few minutes After that, she saw Tachibana killing his two accomplices and leaving their bodies drowning in the water as he was taking her away from everything she knew.

After that, Alma was kept captive in Tachibana's mansion, deep in Hokkaido, for Years. She lived in his mansion, swimming in a pool. What seems weird about it is that Tachibana was treating her with love : he was letting her eat, read, educating herself, which allowed her to get a lot of knowledges about the Human World, especially in History, art, languages...

But she knew that the day she said "no" to him, it was over for her. She tried. And it only brought her to get her hair pulled as she was Getting hit by Tachibana.

She tried to sing to enchant him... But it Never worked. Because she had the misfortune to fall on someone that neither felt love nor attraction to anybody but himself. It worked on everyone. On everyone but the person she needed.

And even if it did... What was the point ? She couldn't run. Or she didn't want to try, she was afraid that the second Tachibana realised that she could turn Into a Human, he would use her in the most disgusting ways. He already threaten to force himself on her mouth if she wasn't obedient enough.

She realised at 14 y.o. that she was trapped. She could only sing her sorrow and pain. And any person that was near the mansion could hear a voice so beautiful, yet so sad, so desperate, that They couldn't Help but cry. It was as if, in a small instant, the second they Heard that voice, They were feeling all the pain and sadness that Alma was experiencing for Years. It left them crying for hours, sometimes days...

A urban legend was born from Alma's voice : "The Melody of the sorrowed lovers", saying it was a woman that was waiting for her lover, Dead at War, to Come back to her. She would sing her pain, she would sing her sorrow, letting whoever Heard her voice share her feelings.

Tachibana did his best to hide Alma from everyone. After all, he Wouldn't give up on something that was allowing him to stay young and healthy. But that was What betrayed him.

A man being almost 50 can't keep on looking as if he was 30 without Getting suspicious. Especially when his wrinkles miraculously disappeared.

That sudden youth and the Sorrowed Lovers' legend were enough for a certain blond man to get curious and fly to Hokkaido to see for himself.

When it happened, Alma was 22. Already 8 Years had passed. 8 Years of fear, loniless and pain.

She got very curious when she Heard the window Getting break. When she looked, she saw a small animal that she Never saw before, near the pool. It was watching her quietly, sat down.

At first, Alma was very curious, but also excited : a New Friend ! She Never saw that animal before...

" Aren't you one cute boy... Did you get Lost ? I know How it feels : I got Lost too..."

At this Time, Alma was so desperate to have Anyone to talk to, besides Tachibana, that she could've talk to anything. Anyone. She just didn't want to be alone anymore :

" Well... I didn't got Lost... Tachibana brought me here but... I don't want to be here anymore. I wish I could go back to my family but... There's no point. They probably forgot me... "

When Inugami Heard that girl, that small woman, who was Getting detained here for Years... He couldn't Help but feel sad for her. No one deserves this.

" Where do you Come from, small furrball ? Me, I Come from Russia ! Well... I think I do ! I'm Alma Ievanov ! I'm a mermaid and- oh... Your paw... You're bleeding... Did you do it when you broke the window ?"

Ah. Shit. He didn't realised it. His paw was, Indeed, bleeding. It was the least of his concerns, knowing the fact that for the first Time of his life, he was seeing a mermaid. He couldn't Help but hide his eyes when he saw Alma sitting down on the edge of the pool, leading him to see the upper half of her naked body. And when he felt her take him and sit him on What he guessed was her knees, he apologised to every god he knew for unintentionally seeing the naked body of a woman who didn't want to show anything.

" Here... That's why Tachibana is keeping me. "

He saw her pick a tear that came from her eyes way too naturally. And the second her tear touched his wound... It was gone. Her powers could unfortunately lead to Kemonos' exposure if Tachibana every decided to make money from it. She couldn't stay here.

" Young girl... Don't Scream Please.

- Hm ? Animals aren't supposed to... Speak ?"

As she said those words, he jumped from her knees and... What's that light and... Oh... Oh gods !

Alma threw her hands on her mouth to prevent her screams of fear, as a man was now standing in front of her. She was terrified. She felt herself shaking as she looked him. Was he gonna hurt her...?

" I'm Inugami Kohachi. I'm not a human... "

She felt relieved. He wasn't going to hurt her.

" I'm a detective and I took interest in the story of the voice that made people cry everytime They Heard it. Turns out you have all the reason to cry.

- Are... Are you gonna hurt me too...?

- No. But I Can take you away. If you want me to-

- Please do ! Please do... I can't stay here anymore ! I'll do anything to escape that place... Please... Take me with you... Please... "

As she was begging him, for the first time, she felt herself crying... From Hope. From happiness.

" I'll need you to turn Into a Human. Can you do that ? "

Without asking questions, Alma did, too happy to finally escape to realise that her bare body was embarassing her savior. Well... She was pretty. But he'll cover her in his long coat.

" Can you walk ?

- Yes sir, I Can.

- Call me Inugami, that's fine.

- Yes Inugami.

- Let's escape by the window before that man Comes back. My car is parked near there. "

During the whole Time she was running to the car, Alma was so happy. She was outside. She was escaping. It seemed to good to be true. It must be a dream but... The leather of the car... The smell of his coat... The sounds of the road as he was driving :

" So... Alma... What do you want to do ?

- Me ?

- Yes. You. Do you want to go back to your family...? "

They probably forgot her.

" No... I don't know... I have nowhere to go now...

- Then... Do you wanna work with me ? It ain't much, but it's work.

- ... The way I helped Tachibana or...?

- No. You'll Help me to Help Other people like us.

- Other people like us... "

She looked by the window. Inugami was her savior... She wanted to Help him to do the same with Other people in need. She couldn't find back her family, but she could prevent this to happen to Other people.

" I'll work with you...

- Welcome to the Inugami detective office then, Alma. You're the first employee !"

It was the begining of a New life for Alma. And They Say that the cry that Tachibana left out when he saw Alma gone was Heard in the whole Hokkaido.

_---------_

Since that day, six Years had passed. The Inugami Office gained New recruits : Mihai, Akira, then Shiki and finally... Kabane.

Alma has Never been so happy : she's useful. She's surrounded by people who care about her and she cares about.

And sometimes when Inugami and her look at each Other, They can't Help but heavily blush and look away, making them gain few reactions from the kids.

Akira hoping they'll confess. Shiki teasing them. Kabane asking her questions about love.

"Alma, why Inugami ?

- Ah... Well... Sometimes... Meeting a person opens you to a whole New World. I think that's him to me."

She was happy. She was so happy.

[must-be-brooklyn]

javid on a date? but they keep getting interrupted by their stupid newsie children :p

Honestly, this would 100% happen, probably on every date they’ve ever had 

Ship: Javid

Words: 3.2k

Era: Modern, university au

Okay, so! This kind of ended up being a bit longer than I planned on and also probably quite different to how you might have imagined it - so, I hope it’s okay at least! 

Also! Sorry it took so long to fill this! I’m afriad I got quite busy...

An Anthology of Annoying Newsies Interrupting Jack and David’s Date

Part 1, Les

“But why?” Les moaned loudly and threw his hands down by his side like a stroppy child. “I don’t want to stay here with Sarah! She’s gonna make me cook more Hamantaschen and we already did that all of yesterday!” He threw one last, desperate glare at David. “Please, it’s not even near Purim!”

David sighed and put his hands on his hips, feeling exactly like his mother. “Jack and I have a date. No, you cannot come. Anyway, Sarah makes pretty good Hamantaschen.”

Fixing him with an utterly betrayed look, Les scowled. “No, she really doesn’t.”

“Well, you can help her get better then,” David said. He turned away from Les, toward the front door to pull on a pair of shoes.

Les huffed as he followed him. “Please, take me with you!”

David turned very slowly to face Les and gave him look that he hoped said everything. “You are not coming on my date.”

“Ugh! Fine!” Les stomped away, making each step as loud as possible and slamming every day he passed. At times like these, David suddenly remembered exactly why he did not come home from university except for on breaks. Teenage mood swings.

Part 2, Specs

Jack’s hand was wrapped tightly around David’s and their arms swung between them as they walked down the trail in the path. The light filtered through leaves of the trees, creating a pretty, dappled effect that was almost worthy of breaking the spell of silence on David’s Instagram.

“I’m so glad it’s holidays,” Jack sighed. He squeezed David’s hand tightly. “It sucks not seeing you during term time.”

David laughed lightly. “It could’ve been worse,” he said, “At least we have video messengers now.”

Rolling his eyes, Jack paused for a second and looked at David carefully, as if he was studying every single freckle on his face. “Don’t mean I don’t miss you.”

“I missed you, too,” David said, mouth twitching up into a smile, “But assuming we don’t fail our courses, we’ll graduate in a few months, and then who knows what’ll happen. Let’s just make the most of the time we have now.”

Jack nodded as he grinned. “Suppose so. Includin’ this date. You’re still up for coffee?”

“When am I ever not up for coffee?” David laughed, even though it wasn’t very funny.

Jack’s eyes only grew warmer, though. “Well, yeah, that was a bit of a stupid question.” He started walking, holding onto David’s hand a little more tightly.

“Hey! Jack! Davey!”

David stopped again, looking around where they stood, searching for the source of the voice. Then, his eyes locked onto a familiar figure with a lithe frame and large glasses that he somehow managed to pull off perfectly.

“Specs?” Jack said, sounding somewhere between shocked and confused as he turned towards him. “What’re you doin’ here?”

Specs shrugged. “Just going for a run. I’m back from college for a few weeks.” He gestured to both of them. “What’re you doin’ here, though? I thought you’d both be overtime at this point studyin’ for your exams or something.”

Jack raised their intertwined hands. “Date.”

“Oh…” Spec’s face flushed. “That’s, uh, cool. Still going strong then?” He frowned slightly and backtracked quickly. “I mean, obviously you are. I’ll leave you to it!”

David smiled at him. “It’s nice to see you again. Maybe we could catch up sometime before we all go back to college next term?”

Relaxing slightly, Specs smiled back at him. “Yeah, that’d be good. Me and Romeo were talking about organising a catch up for our old club sometime. Maybe we could do that these holidays?”

“That’d be cool,” David agreed. “Talk later, though?”

Specs nodded. “Yeah, bye. I’ll text you.” He jogged away from them, waving as he went.

Turning to each other and exchanging a look, Jack and David peeled off into giggles.

Part 3, Race

Their phones would not stop buzzing. That in itself was not so unusual; they were college students with busy lives. Notifications in themselves were not out of the ordinary. As they sat down in the park with disposable coffee cups in the hands, though, the text messages kept pinging in synchrony.

David gave Jack a sideward look as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. Even as he scanned down the screen, more text messages kept appearing. All of them were in a variety of barely discernible text-talk, emojis and a lot of capital letters. They were also all from –

“Race,” David said, showing his phone to Jack.

Jack groaned. “Of course it is. Mute him.”

“Jack!” David exclaimed. Nonetheless, he pulled his phone out and muted the new chat that Race had created. “He’ll probably just start another one in a bit if we don’t reply to him,” he said as he did so.

Shrugging, Jack did the same on his own phone. “It’s his problem he’s interrupting us.”

“He won’t see if that way.”

Jack laughed as he shoved his phone back into his pocket and moved a little closer to David. “Well, we’ll deal with that later. For now, I just wanna get back to where we were.” He wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“You’re disgusting!” David exclaimed, unable to hold back a smile, “We’re in the middle of the park!”

Part 4, Mike and Ike

Their coffees were almost finished and Jack had wrapped his arm around David’s shoulders in the overly confident way that he always did when they got to spend time together.

“Have you decided what you’re gonna do next year?” Jack asked.

David crossed his left leg over his right leg and wrapped his hands more tightly around his half-empty coffee cup. “I think I might do a teaching qualification…” He trailed off uncertainly. “But, I’ll need to get a scholarship or re-enrol for a bursary or something so that I can afford it.” He sighed and tapped his fingers restlessly. “Maybe not, though, I don’t know.”

“Like, become a teacher?”

Hesitantly, David nodded. “I love tutoring the kids on the weekend… So, I figure that maybe education would be an interesting job… I mean, I could teach history, or languages, or something like that.”

“You’d be an awesome teacher,” Jack said fondly. He turned to give David a peck on the cheek.

David bought his cup to his mouth and took a sip, humming under his breath. “What about you, then? Have you finalised anything?”

Jack opened his mouth to say something when he felt someone tapping on his shoulder. Freezing, he pivoted slowly until he came face to face with Ike, who was staring at him with wide eyes.

“Uh, hello?” Jack said slowly.

Mike appeared in front of them. “Which way is the exit?”

David went motionless, too. “The exit?” he repeated, sounding completely confused. “What do you mean?”

Ike walked around the bench to stand next to his twin. “Like he said. Quickest way to get to the upper east side?” He grinned but looked extremely sheepish as he rubbed the back of his head with a tense hand.

Pointing somewhere to the left of them, Jack spoke again. “Why’d you need to know?”

“Don’t know this park well enough,” Ike said with a careless shrug.

Mike nodded. “Yeah, we’s from the other side of town.”

David stared at them, not believing them for a second but reluctant to call them out on it. They had been born and bred in New York and knew every corner of Manhattan, as well as a definitely-above-average amount about the other districts.

“Well, we’s goin’, then,” Ike said. “See you later!” He pulled his twin away and they disappeared almost immediately down another path that David had not even noticed before.

Jack crossed his arms in front of him. “That was weird.”

“Someone put them up to it?” David said with an unenthusiastic laugh.

Jack shook his head, eyes still on the corner that they had disappeared around. “Knowin’ our luck? Probably.”

David tapped his fingernails on the carboard cup a few times, drilling some movement back into them. “So, your art, then? What were you saying?”

Part 5, Elmer

Unfortunately, even if the chat that Race had made had been put on silent, the rest of David’s phone’s notifications were still as loud as ever. That became very apparent when, in the middle of their conversation, they were once again disturbed by a phone call.

Rolling his eyes, David retrieved his phone and checked the caller.

“It’s Elmer,” he said hesitantly, “I probably shouldn’t miss it.”

Jack gestured for him to go ahead and focused his attention on the last dregs of coffee in his cup. They were cold by now, and particularly bitter in comparison to the rest of his drink. Nonetheless, he swilled them around a little until they collected and then downed them in one.

All the while, he half listened to David speaking quietly on the phone. It was all in Polish and he could not understand a word, so he drummed his fingers distractedly on his knees and waited for the call to end.

At the rate they were going, Jack was relatively sure that this date would turn out to be more about their friends than it was to do with them. He could not say he honestly had a problem with that – his friends were very important – but he wished that it did not all have to happen when he was trying to have a nice date with David.

It felt like an eternity had passed by the time David hung up.

“What was he callin’ about?” Jack asked.

David pulled a face. “There’s a Special Shabbat coming up soon and he wanted to know if he could do something with my family because his foster family isn’t Jewish, and he doesn’t want to make a big deal about it.”

Jack nodded slowly. “You’ll do that, then?”

“My parents would’ve invited him over, even if he hadn’t bought it up,” David said with a small smile. “He and Les get on really well, too, they’ll be happy.” He glanced back down at his phone and finally turned the whole device onto silent.

Jack watched him do it, smirking slightly. “You hopin’ that they won’t call no more?”

“I think they’d find ways around it even if I tried,” David sighed, pocketing his phone and picking up his coffee cup. Like Jack’s, it was empty. “D’you want to walk for a bit?”

Jack stood up, agreeing with David immediately. “We could go back to my place? Spot’s at work and Crutchie won’t bother us, even if he is at home right now.” He extended a hand to David and pulled him up, too.

“What about Medda?” David asked, wrapping his hand with Jack’s and walking vaguely in the direction of a bin to through their cups out.

Jack shrugged. “Mom? Pretty sure she’s at the theatre, today. She won’t mind, anyway.”

Part 6, Albert

“Albert, why the hell are you standin’ behind a tree?”

“I didn’t mean to watch you kissin’! But It was your fault for doin’ it in the middle of the park.”

Part 7, Romeo

By the time that Jack’s phone rang, David was more or less resigned to the fact that this date was not one that they were actually going to get through without interruptions every second minute. Even so, he could not stop himself from letting out a low moan.

“It’s Romeo,” Jack said to David, pulling the phone up to his ear. “Does this have to be right now?”

They stopped walking and pushed to the edge of the pavement, standing pressed up against the window. David allowed himself to tune out of the conversation, instead trying to remember one date when they had actually managed to get through without seeing or talking to someone else on it.

Given that they had been dating for almost three years – since midway through their senior year in high school – he could only recall a worryingly low number.

Jack turned to look at David with blown eyes. He seemed to be trying to communicate something through his expression, but David had absolutely no idea exactly what it was. He stared back in return, trying to work out what he meant when Jack suddenly pressed the phone into his hand.

“Dating advice,” he muttered.

David looked at him, disbelief feeling like it was swallowing him up.

Jack just shrugged at him and David shook his head, resigned. “Hey, Romeo.”

Romeo wasted no time before getting into the questions. “So, as the resident team Mom, any advice on the best way to tell a guy that I wanna stop fuckin’ him and start properly kissin’ him?”

Spluttering, David struggled to reply. It was going to be a long walk back to Jack’s family apartment.

Part 8, Buttons

“Hey, Buttons,” Jack said reflexively as he walked past.

Buttons spun around, newspapers stuffed messily into the bag swung over his shoulder and a bright yellow vest making sure he stood out a thousand miles from the rest of the people in the street.

“Jack! Davey!” He bounded over too them with far too much energy. “Hi! I can’t stay, I’ve got to finish my afternoon paper route! But it’s nice to see you! I didn’t know you were back for the break!” He spoke very quickly and with an almost unreasonable amount of enthusiasm. Sometimes, David struggled to understand how he was always so upbeat about everything.

Jack waved at him awkwardly. “See you another time, then?”

Buttons nodded excitedly. “Sure! That’d be cool!”

Part 9, Finch

David was immediately thrown off guard by Finch hurling himself into David’s arms as Jack opened the door to his apartment. “Finch?” He detached himself a little so that he could see his face and was alarmed the distressed expression. “What’s wrong?”

“I was-“ His voice was immediately strained and worried. “My Dad called and he said that my brother is sick and I need to pick up something from the chemist on the way home.”

All at once, David was on high alert and out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jack stiffen, too. “D’you need a ride or anything?” David asked carefully, “Or help with the medicine?”

Finch shook his head slowly. “It’s just an asthma refill. And, I’m only living like five minutes away from here, anyway.” He gave them both a very weak smile. “Thanks, though.” David knew not to push the topic. Over the years, he had adjusted slowly to the fact that some people saw the acceptance of help as something to be avoided at all costs.

He knew when to cross that line and refuse to take no for an answer, but David had also learnt that sometimes he just needed to accept that independence was an important virtue.

Jack braced him on the shoulders before he went any further. “Remember to breathe, okay? Your brother is gonna be fine with you watchin’ out for him.”

Finch looked at him, expression still brittle, but eyes perhaps a fraction more determined. “I know.” He walked past them and turned right down a stairwell in the old building.

David looked after him, worried. “He’ll be fine,” he said, more to himself than to Jack.

“Of course, he will,” Jack agreed easily. David could still hear the strain under his voice. “This has happened before. He gets easily worked up about his family and worries a lot about things that don’t need to be worried about.”

Chewing on his lip, David crossed his arms tightly over his chest and nodded. He knew Jack was right.

“C’mon, then,” Jack said, steering him inside the apartment, “Let’s get some food and some privacy.”

Part 10, Crutchie

David was curled up next to Jack, both of them lying on his bed, and hugging him tightly. It was a warm, comfortable position and David was oddly content just lying there and making the most of the moment. His arms were tightly looped around Jack and he snuggled closer to him, treasuring a bit of privacy and quiet.

Jack’s fingers swept through David’s hair, slowly teasing the dark curls and messing up the almost redundant attempt that David had made to control his hair that morning.

“I really love you,” Jack said very softly. He pushed himself up on one arm so that he could lean closer to give David a quick kiss. “You know that, right?”

David looked up at him and smiled. “I know. I love you, too.”

Grinning slightly wolfishly, Jack pushed himself closer to David so that he was leaning over him and then lowered himself down until he was half lying on top of him.

“You’re pretty comfortable, too,” Jack remarked.

David stared at Jack and raised an eyebrow. “I’m, like, ninety per cent bones,” David said with a deadpan face.

Jack did his best to shrug from his position. “Well, I still think you’re a good pillow.”

“I’ll add that to my CV, then,” David said teasingly. He craned his neck to kiss Jack’s lips. Jack relaxed into the kiss and dropped forwards, one hand on David’s chest to balance himself, and the other wound tightly into his hair.

The door opened with a thud and Jack and David jumped apart like they had been burnt.

“Oh, my God,” Crutchie said despairingly, as he covered his eyes with the hand that was not holding his crutch. “Warn a guy, would you?”

“The door was closed,” Jack grumbled, running a hand through his hair in an unsuccessful attempt to control it and sitting up. “That generally means don’t come in.”

Crutchie rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. Mom got home a few minutes ago, and wants to know if you’re stayin’ for dinner, Davey.”

David struggled to look at Crutchie straight in the eyes. He could feel his face glowing with heat. “Uh, yeah, that’d be nice, thanks,” he said hesitantly, exchanging a small look with Jack. “Only if it’s no trouble, of course.”

“It’s vegan or something, so it’ll be fine for Kosher,” Crutchie offered. David nodded with a thankful smile. Neither he, his siblings, nor his parents adhered strictly to Kosher except on special occasions, but it was always touching to see that someone else had remembered it.

“You can get back to your make-out session, now, or whatever you was doin’ before,” Crutchie said. He closed the door behind him as he left.  

Jack flopped back onto the bed with a sigh. “I’m sorry, Dave, this wasn’t much of a date.”

“It was perfect just as it was,” David said, bestowing a small kiss on the tip of his nose, before lying down next to him and staring at the off-white celling. “I mean, let’s be honest, what kind of a date would it be if we weren’t interrupted ten times at least?”

Jack laughed slightly. “Obviously not one of ours.”

[plotbunnyshipper]

Fundamental Cracks - Chapter 32

Fundamental Cracks: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11325564

(Not sure why the word Chapter managed to make it’s way into my link - that’s the only change to this post since last night) Chapter: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11325564/chapters/32569071

If you read the partial draft I posted this has that, plus more...total of just over 12k words because I was trying to cram too much in a chapter and even then ended up splitting it in two. So, this one is still in the past, skipping around right up to Ivy Town which will be the next chapter, then I’m back to storyline ‘present.’

Because it’s so long I’m not posting all of it on here - it’s on Ao3, link is above.

Thank you wonderful people who keep reading, it’s very appreciated.

A sudden wrenching movement tears me from sleep into the dark grogginess of way too early to be awake. “Wh-? What? What’s wrong..happ’nin’..Up, I’m up!”

There is more noise from the person and the bed as the jerky motion stills. A hard breath is followed by a rough, uncertain, “F-Felicity?”

Right. Oliver, not ‘the person.’ “Yeah.” I try blinking but it is still too dark to see where he went. Last night starts flickering into thought and I shake my head to try clearing the remaining fog from my mind. “What’s wrong?”

“I…Nothing, I just didn’t remember…”

Searching my hand over the sheet, even as I stretch I can’t feel him. Did he literally jump out of bed? “’S fine…” I rub my face into the pillow with a yawn, “It’s the first time we’ve slept together, you can freak out a little.”

His voice is immediate, defensive, and the bed shifts as he sits back down. “We’ve slept together and slept together before, it isn’t a first.”

Another large yawn steals my voice when I start to try and argue that last part. Oliver’s fingers lace with mine and I tug him back towards the center of the bed. “We’ve been asleep together when I sleep and you succumb to exhaustion, the closest we got was huddled up in the van or around the table. And after we slept together I dosed you wi-,“ Catching myself both in the fact that I’m still not exactly sure what I put in the wine that night, and the fact that if he’s startled by someone asleep with him in bed that maybe he woke unpleasantly like that a few times during his stretch with the League. That first time together for us was a serious, desperate last chance at a memory before what could have been the loss of each other, forever. Oliver is still learning how to let his guard back down, to relax and be happy, that place is a train of thought I don’t want to remind him of. “You were under the influence of…uh…something, and I was wide awake. So this definitely is another in our soon to be long list of firsts.”

Arms wrap around me, pulling me to rest on him, and I hear his heartbeat under my ear.

What I mean to say is something like, “We’re safe, you can relax…in a week it’ll feel weird to sleep alone.” What I actually say is muffled by his chest and yawns, but Oliver must get the gist, because I feel his breathing slowing to pace mine.

The next time I wake it is to the slow exploration of caressing hands. Oliver Queen, as it turns out, is quite the cuddler.

…

As we drink bitter coffee from the small machine on the bathroom counter, he asks, “You want to do anything today?”

“You,” I say with a terribly exaggerated wink.

He gives a startled laugh at my bluntness. “I think that can be easily arranged, but is there anything other than that?”

“Hmm…Take a bunch of naps unlike any weekday I remember. Let’s relax. Maybe play spin the bottle…box.” I point at the empty wine container.

“With just the two of us?”

“Guarantees I get to kiss the person I want to. Want to give it a whirl? We can order delivery for breakfast later.”

He does.

…

Between lazy touches, showers, and more amorous activities, we don’t get around to eating food until after noon when rumbling tummies demand use of those takeout menus, and the room phone…because I can go a damn week…another six days….five days ten hours without my phone.

…

It takes two full days into the trip, or more accurately two full days and one more blissful night after checking in, to finally decide to leave the room.

Glorious hours of exploring, learning, each other’s bodies, of making vague wish lists of plans that kept getting interrupted by smiles that in turn lead to lengthy, handsy, make-out sessions, which of course leads to taking turns seeing who can make the other forget what we were talking about.

Now, as I lay here I can honestly say that this is the most carefree I can remember being. “The black, green, and red sand beaches…and the lava at that volcano park…maybe splurge on a coffee farm tour…” Talking to myself to help remember, I nudge the wide sleeve of the robe out of the way and scribble down a couple more options for when we leave on the red-eye to Hawaii at the end of the week. Or is it still a red eye when you’re leaving at two in the morning? Those tickets were too awesome a price not to snag before leaving Starling. Either way we still have to get up to Seattle by Wednesday.

I scissor my calves back and forth, pumping them together once more before stretching my toes into the rumpled pile of blankets at the end of the bed. It’s only as his hands slide along my ribs, pushing the robe high to place a kiss over the center of my spine that I realize the shower is no longer going.

He’s trying to get another point in the tally of lost focus, but I’m still ahead by two…must hold my lead.

Trying to focus on a mental globe, avoiding teeny tiny islands, and mountains, and the entirety of China…and Russia, I keep thinking West. “After Hawaii, where do you want to go? Japan, Thailand…?” With loving caresses my hips are lifted and tugged back, inching my upper body along the bed until I’m in a kneeling bow instead of lazily sprawled on my belly. My face heats as a very intimate breath is huffed against my skin.

Focus! My voice hitchs but I press on, quickly writing in precise letters, ”Spain? France? Irelan-nnh!” The pen gouges the small notepad, “Oliver! That’s cheating!”

There is a throaty noise, like a hidden laugh before he shifts to lightly nip the back of my thigh, “Says the gorgeous distraction stretched across the bed.”

“I was trying to write a list of the places we both wanted to visit…there’s also plenty of cool stuff to see here in the States.”

“C’mere.” The pen and paper fall away as he lifts me, then rolls us so that I straddle him, leaving his hands spread across my hips and thighs. “Mmm, I think this is quickly becoming my favorite view of you.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” I retort, grinning with a lean forward to brush our lips together, “but you need to focus if we’re going to make plans.”

“Let’s be spontaneous, pick and go on the same day when we’re ready to leave. This is about you and me, wherever we go that’s the only thing that matters.”

“Having the time for a plan and not forming one? Who are you and what have you done with my…” Oh. What do I call him? Boyfriend? That doesn’t sound quite right. Partner? Not right either. “-my Oliver?” It’s a lame finish, but he doesn’t call me out on it.

“New start. Just us, nothing we need to do except make that flight, nowhere we need to be, though I will say I’m hoping you won’t decide to wander away for a few more minutes.”

I sway my hips in a relaxed motion, it has an immediate effect. A few more minutes of wriggling and kisses until I can reach between us, shift and settle myself down oh-so-slowly as his hips push up into me. Both our breaths catch, Oliver stares like he’s memorizing every slowly scanned inch from my face down to where we’re joined. “Yeah,” it’s soft, and full of emotion, “definitely top of the list.”

His hand slides down, thumb making small circles in ways we’ve spent this stay perfecting, and it is so perfect that it makes me gasp, “Fuck!”

Oliver’s voice is teasing, “I am…unless you want me to stop.”

I laugh, “You just try to stop, I’ll…” the words morph into a gasped moan as he flexes particular muscle sets underneath me with a rather delightful result.

There are a few things that I’ve learned Oliver Queen loves in the hours that we’ve secluded ourselves in this quaint little room. One – he doesn’t mind eating takeout for every meal. Two – I knew the man was always up for a challenge, but the lengths he’ll go to excel rather than just succeed, that was a very pleasant education. And three – the he has a weakness for the sounds of sex. All the other senses involved work their magic, but when he closes his eyes and just loses himself in the actions…if I can work things so the bed squeaks a little louder, focus hard on verbalizing actual words rather than just sounds as I praise and beg and play, unless of course my mouth is occupied with other things…Oh how it works on him. One time, only one time so far, as I held his head in place so I could pant and moan directly into his ear what every thrust and motion he made felt like, goading and begging him on, drawing his attention to the wet rhythm of our bodies joining as it filled the room, being what should have been embarrassingly vocal as he managed to get me off just barely before he lost that carefully held control – I made this beautiful, amazingly strong man come so hard he blacked out for a few seconds. It. Was. Awesome!

There is deep heat to his voice, “You’ll what?”

With his hand playing like that as he helps me ride him I can’t keep focus on my train of thought, “What?”

His thumb moves only in the pauses between his words, “I just try to stop and you’ll…”

“I’ll tackle you and…and…God! Don’t stop or I’ll be very upset with you!”

Whatever he imagines my being very upset with him will or will not entail works, because he doesn’t stop, and keeps not stopping until we’re both exhausted again.

}]}———}>

No plans were made, and we drove until ending up in some small, touristy Pacific Northwestern fishing town, just in time for some seasonal festival, or celebration, or something. Oliver’s right, the only important thing is it’s us. Again we pick a place to stay at random, some motel that’s just a fifteen minute walk from what passes for downtown. The man at the desk recommended a local restaurant, and even was so kind as to make a reservation for us while we checked in.

…

I am quite sure we have thoroughly broken in the room. However if Oliver doesn't finish his shower we're going to miss our reservation and not make it out of here before the rest of the tourists flood the main stretch. As 'It's not authentic but these are some awesome  dumplings' as the delivery food was, we both need something a lot less fried and salty after five straight meals of the takeout that quickly arrived at our door. Besides my sensitive parts are getting a bit tender from this amount of action, no matter how wonderful, so a couple hours break is absolutely necessary.

“Hurry up!” I call towards the bathroom, “We’re going to be late!”

My dress is flirty, not that he doesn't seem to appreciate everything I have and haven't worn since we made the decision to go. But as I’m pulling clothes out for him that compliment the hints of lace peeking out near my knees, and fishing for a pair of socks at the bottom of the luggage, a familiar color flashes in the shuffle. What the...? 

I’m still standing there when he emerges, towel wrapped around his waist. Smile dropping to a look of confusion at my expression, “What’s wrong?”

I lift a fistful of dark fabric. “Are you planning on needing this for something?”

His words fumble, and his eyes dart down at the offending object then back up. “I- That- It’s a great jacket.”

“You already brought three jackets for any weather – hoodie, rain, and cold, why did you bring this one? Is Kevlar in your itinerary of escape?” The reinforced chest and back of this old prototype that was not flexible enough for easily using his arrows with is heavy enough to make my arm ache at this angle. Letting it drop to the floor with a faint thud I just give him a pointed stare.

His hands keep moving, rubbing nervously at his jaw, the back of his neck, the closely cropped hair that is still dark with water. “I don’t know, I guess I didn’t notice packing it.”

“Is that your thing?” I ask point blank, a sinking feeling growing in the pit of my belly.

He blinks, eyes meeting mine, confusion clear, “My thing?”

A step away from the dark pile and my arms wrapping around myself provides no comfort. “The danger, the life and death, do you have to have the adrenaline rush to be truly satisfied?”

“Felicity, I packed it by mistake.” He takes slow steps forward, like I'm dangerous. I'm not dangerous, I'm worried, and the distraction of just a towel blocking him from being nude is not scattering those thoughts as it would have even a day ago, not over something like this.

“That’s not a ‘No,’ Oliver. Is it your addiction, a not-so-secret kink?”

His arms wrap loosely around me, following as I try to turn my head away, “My ‘addiction,' my 'kink,’“ his forehead nudges mine, “is sharing time and experiences with the woman I love.” Eyes stare into mine as his lips hover, just shy of kissing me. “Promise…Pinkie promise.”

I can't help but give a concerned laugh at that, pecking at his lips before pushing him away with a pointed look at the clothes. “A real sicko at heart.”

It takes him mere seconds to pull on each piece, “How about we grab dinner, since you’re worried about that too, then discuss this?”

A glance at the clock that says we have ten minutes to make the long walk, “I’m not going to drop it.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

We arrive ten minutes late, and I’m a bit breathless from jogging close-ish to his slowed pace on the well worn path in these sandals, but they held the table even with the line out the door because the motel owner is a friend of the owner.

…

I present a reasonable case, a set of logical points. The jacket is one not so baby-step back into that. The same thing that left so many marks on the skin I had myself all over for the past few days.

Only distracted by the thoughts of that skin on skin for a moment, Oliver counters with it being an accident; it’s obviously one of the older prototypes, it must have been nestled into a different jacket or sweater.

Accident. Coincidence. Part of the perfection of our escape from reality cracks, splinters off. I don’t know if I can believe him on this.

He must someone see that in my face, he apologizes, and apologizes again. Our fingers lace together. “I promise you, I have no plans to take up my old job in a new location. If you want me to throw it away I’ll trash it as soon as we get back to the room.”

I sigh, “That jacket is the most expensive one you own now.” All the ways this could play out try to make a traffic jam in my brain, “Don’t trash it, that’s just wasteful. But promise me you won’t go searching for Kevlar situations to put yourself in.”

“I promise.” He raises my hand and kisses my knuckles, “Cross my heart.”

A small tug and I pull it out of his grip, dragging it over his shirt, making a wide X over that spot before letting my palm rest. His heartbeat’s soft rhythm feels right. “Keep that promise. I love that heart.”

Our drinks arrive before Oliver can say anything, but he nods as I retreat back to my side of the table. We lightly toast on it. The wine is good, the food, in its low oil, low salt, and bright flavors is better.

…

“Mmm.” My tongue darts out to catch the crumbs that broke apart on my lips. It is only then that I notice Oliver’s intense stare. Following up with my fingers to make sure I didn't miss any since my napkin disappeared, I see him lick his lips at the motion eyes never leaving my mouth. "Oliver...?"

"Mmmhmm?" He blinks, and reflexively takes a large swallow of wine.

“We have made up for lost time and more since we left, you can’t still be that distracted by the newness. If anything you should be dehydrated.” It’s only been a couple hours, even for the honeymoon style start of dating, skipping most of the awkward getting-to-know-you’s, this is a lot of sex. And for me to think it’s a lot of sex, it takes a LOT of sex.

“Felicity, I finally get a chance to show you how much I love you, all of you. My brain hasn’t quite got the memo that it’s not going to disappear in a blink like when we tried dating last time.”

His words send warm tingles through my blood.  Running my fingertip along the rim of my empty water and then half full wine glass, I bite on my lip to dim my smile just a bit, "How about we just finish the wine, skip dessert, and take a walk?"

"A walk?"

Mirroring a stare at his lips, reaching across the table to lace my fingers with his, I nod.

"Let me pay and we can just take the bottle with us." He glances around for the waiter, reaching for his wallet.

Since they still have to print out the bill, instead my hand tips the rest of the wine into our glasses, taking them both back to full. I take the time to savor mine, then a few sips of his, giving extra attention to any traces on my lips, trying to give just a little payback for the many those times he did all that shirtless training. When the total finally arrives Oliver barely glances at it while watching me steal another taste from his glass. Grabbing a few bills before shoving his wallet back in his pocket he covers our meal plus a tip.

It was an unexpected surprise that he mentioned during our drive, extra money for the trip, cash from his account tied the sale of a few of his remaining shares of Queen Consolidated to Ray in his takeover.

The wineglass is gently pried from my hands and raised to his lips. Draining, too controlled to be gulping but at the same speed, his drink down as he stands. Our hands join, within a few steps he’s gently pulling me along. We weave through dark buildings, laughing, making playful little comments. Oliver spins around when I can’t keep up through a tight alleyway, crushing his lips to mine desperately, grabbing my hips and hoisting me up so I can wrap my legs around his waist. Rubbing myself against him like an animal in heat gives me a deliciously buffered friction, I lean in for another kiss at the same time he does and our noses bump hard enough to have me drawing back with a near yelp.

“You ok?” A hand immediately caresses the side of my face.

Rubbing my cheek into that touch, nipping at the thumb that grazes the corner of my lips I give a small nod. “Just startled me more than anything. You?” The look he gives me is full of sarcasm and incredulity that he’d notice something so small as a bumped nose. The buzz is making a wonderful looseness to my muscles. “Fine, macho man, why don't you kiss it and make it better?”

He gives the ghost of a low laugh, rocking himself against me, “I’d rather kiss something else to make you feel better.”

Oh...well..."That sounds delightful."

His hips move and he groans, “It's gonna be a long walk back to the hotel.”

I mock whisper, “Who said anything about the hotel?” I may not be an exhibitionist but there’s plenty of hidden places that I remember from our dash here, and it’s only gotten darker since then. “It’s just us out here, everyone else is waiting for the fireworks to start. I’m not doing anything exposed, but if you find us a bit of privacy…”

We twist through another couple alleys, then end up in an expanse of coastline. We have to slow when I yank on his arm to catch myself from another rock my toes trip over. Oliver’s arm moves under my shoulders and he lifts so it feels like I’m floating. Just another reminder of how strong he is. It earns him another emphatic kiss. When my lips leave his, he opens his eyes, sweeping them over the stretch around us as the first of the night’s fireworks sizzles up and bursts a rainbow of burning chemicals into the sky. “That gazebo over there… looks like there’s sunken seating. Nobody is around, no one will see a thing?”

Looking at the option one minute away instead of at least half an hour from us with the darkness, and stumbling, and touches…probably even longer, another check for anyone else comes up empty and I nod.

He takes the lead, stepping down and helping keep me steady as I follow. Another set of fireworks illuminates the simple seating, a concrete circle with a fire pit in the center, but it’s private and right here, which makes it better than the distant bed. I stay standing, since it leaves me at the perfect height. Oliver drags his hands up my thighs, my fingers over his to guide him to my hips. His thumbs loop in the fabric, slowly inching down my panties as he settles to kneel.

The discarded barrier gets shoved into my purse and I plant my feet in a comfortable stance. Oliver stares up at me, eyes not leaving mine as I hitch my dress up to my hips. His head dips. “I used to fantasize about doing this, tasting you, and now that I’ve had you…those fantasies didn’t come anywhere close to how good reality is.” He kisses the inside of my leg, then the other. “I can’t remember how long it’s been since reality was so much better than a dream.”

My core clenches at the words and the breeze that tickles my exposed skin. "Well you'll almost never find me turning that down...,” I let the smile sound in my voice, “for future reference and everything."

"Good to know," is breathed against my skin, and without another word he leans forward, watching me watch him. A slow, firm, lick parts me open. Shoulders push my legs wider, he goes for another long lick, without breaking eye contact. It lets me see his pupils blow wide, hiding the bright blue with darkness. The hot lingering kiss over my clit that follows makes me gasp.

Finally he looks away, down, stares intensely enough at those intimate parts of me that I flush, and start trying to squirm my legs closed. Oliver doesn't let me, diving into his oral exploration without further hesitation. I cry out a moan, dragging my fingertips against his scalp.

He rumbles a noise of approval, the actual words lost against my flesh. I give half formed requests – “Over...Right th-there!”

He is good, really really good, as proven over the past few days, but not a mind reader. So it is an even better experience for all involved if I continue help teaching him what I like best, knowing he'll reciprocate the knowledge share. Just like we agreed. My mouth waters at the thought of our positions reversed, him standing above me, biting his lip with a moan, hips twitching in an effort not to move, gripping my hair as I...

He calls me out on my distraction, “Come back here.” The fantasy breaks apart as his head dips and he pulls my leg so it is over his shoulder and my weight sinks forward against his face. I only keep from falling by that gorgeous face and my other shaky leg. He doesn't falter, tongue plunging in that tiny bit further as he nuzzles his nose against the most sensitive part of me. He is not quiet and takes my guidance without hesitation, leaving me wanton in my tremulous ride of his face.

Staring straight into the sky, fireworks paint the night with the same intensity as the jolts of pleasure Oliver is coaxing from my body. I'm on the cusp of bliss when loud barking invades our privacy. Instinct has me straightening, shoving his head away as he makes a startled sound. The front of my dress is down before I can even figure out where the noise is coming from.

There is a whine of disappointment from him that goes silent as I hiss, “Someone’s walking their dog nearby!” Oliver’s fingers slide from my knee up near the bare skin his mouth was just buried against as he looks around. I can see the shine of me spread across his face and swipe it away with my palm.

With regret visible he grabs that hand, voice suggestive, “We could wait until they move on?”

“No.” The sounds of people talking and more excited dog noises are getting closer and a large set of fireworks burst, brightening the sky and the no longer secluded seating.

He kisses the center of my palm, licking where his lips part, murmuring, “You were close, I could feel you shaking.”

I hiss, closing my fist so he can’t lick again, “Shut it!”

One lumbering furry bundle of energy comes charging over, barking. I let out a startled shriek, legs squeezing tightly together and my hands block the second overly enthusiastic face from it’s interest in getting up in my business; my missing-a-layer-of-clothing business. The other interested party, Oliver, puts himself between me and the dog before it can touch me, just as a second and third hound come loping over to join in with excited barks, all three animals sniffing and bumping up against him.

Are there no leash laws here? I’m embarrassed by my overreaction, making shooing sounds and motions to try and keep us free of puppy kisses and sneezes when a voice, the owner, calls from maybe a hundred yards away. The tenseness that filled Oliver’s frame at my shriek does not leave him, even as it’s obvious the animals aren’t a danger. A sharp whistle and a command have the dogs sprinting back.

“Sorry, didn’t expect anyone out in these parts,” the man shouts, “They wouldn’t hurt a fly, just forgetting the rules. They get a mite spooked with the fireworks going on so I let them run, they know better than to bother strangers.”

Oliver makes some sort of dismissive response that it’s fine, his face contradicts the words but it’s not like the stranger can see. Our walk back is slow and quiet, and we make it back to the hotel after the fireworks taper off.

A quick rinse off and he tries to go back down on me but it’s not quite the same. The desire is there but he’s not relaxed and we end up settling down into soft touches when our enthusiasm fades. It’s barely past nine when we decide to call it an early night so we’ll be ready for the early flight.

I try to sneak a quick glance at my phone, email withdrawal hitting hard but it’s powered itself off. The battery must have died somewhere on our trip up the coast and because it was in silent mode there was no buzz or chime to warn me. “Hey, toss me your phone, I’ll plug them both in so they’re ready before we leave tomorrow.” Oliver gives me a look that lets me know I’m not fooling him. “I’ll leave them off, just charging!” Mildly chagrined, I do, and get one last kiss before he pulls the blanket up and cradles us together.

The circumstances that shaped this unbreakable fragile man are things I had no control over. I know that I don't know everything. It’s obvious that he shared some, not all, like anyone would do to protect themselves but damned if I'm not going to show him he is safe and wanted with me. Even after these past few years of working together, he’s still so set on being this fortress with all the emotion trapped away inside, but I’ve seen the shift from stoic to that almost startled confusion as I hugged him or John had offered reassurance. The hint of a smile quickly hidden away again that shows the real pleasure in the connection, before he reminds himself that he thinks he isn’t worth it, can’t have it, or whatever other nonsense goes through his brain and steals his happiness.

He has this fortress of protection in his mind, steel gates, stone blocks, moats, mazes, distractions and I'm going to get him to lower the drawbridge and let me in if I have to tiptoe through hell to get there. So I don’t point out that he still doesn’t fully let his guard down. That since that first night he’s made a blanket barrier between us when he thinks I’ve drifted off, or that he doesn’t fall asleep before I do to try and make sure it stays in place.

…

Plane! We’re going to miss the plane!

The thought has my eyes flying open, only to be met with the glow of 10:24 on the clock. Not going to miss the plane…Can’t miss the plane…If I just use my phone as a clock it won’t count, and I can add like five alarms so we are up in time. Stretching my fingers over to the nightstand I snag it, covering the speaker while powering it on.

The thought spills out of me as a yelp, “What the-?!”

Oliver jerks upwards from where he’s snuggled into the pillow-blanket barrier beside me, words slurred as he fights the thick comforter off for his freedom, “Wha’s wrr’gg?” His eyes are fighting to widen while blinking against the glaring brightness of my phone.

“37 messages!”

His eyes flit from me to the phone in my hand, as if trying to figure out how the messages could pose a danger to me. Another look around the room and me again before apparently deciding it’s safe, he wraps an arm around my waist, scoots closer, and spoons against my back, “Too early.”

“I need to set some-“

He nudges the small rectangle back over onto the nightstand and out of my hand. “Not been a week. You set up the wakeup call with the reservation.”

“No, I set the ‘quit molesting your gorgeous self because we need to get out the door’ call. It’s not a private jet, we need to be there early for check in, security, boarding-“

Oliver’s hips press forward as his hand snakes down, “Molesting me? Why wouldn’t I be the one molesting you?” A low whisper, “Was having a very good dream about molesting you.”

“Because you do a better job at distracting me from staying on task...” My words turn into a moan as his fingers nudge along then, just barely, inside me.

“Mmm…you’re still slick.” I press on his hand and that pair of fingertips move deeper. A much more awake part of his body presses against my backside, his hips rocking to settle us flush as he teases his lips against my ear. “You take me off plan all the time.”

Rolling his body over mine, it is fast, messy, still half asleep he continues to do a good job at distracting me, and my phone remains a forgotten task.

[psychohelmet]

Life update and stuffs. Ended up being really long.

So recently I made the decision to take a gap year/ intermission from university. I felt like I was miserable and I couldn’t function anymore. There were so many things wrong with me but I kept going until 2-3 weeks ago, when I just couldn’t handle school and my mind and decided that I really needed a break from everything.

The thought of taking a gap year popped up in my head time and again but I always felt somewhat guilty if I decided to take one. I felt guilty mainly cause my parents were paying for my education and I just wanted to make them proud. I always felt like I was letting them down one way or another and if I had decided to take a gap year, that I would just add onto the long list of why I was a disappointment. They always said I had so much potential but I just kept failing, screwing up and squandering opportunities away. I just kept these feelings inside of me, sucked it up to my best of my abilities and tried to continue life and school as per usual. 

That lead to many other issues tho. Being in art school is obviously a tough interesting experience but overall just stressful and tough. You’re constantly surrounded by people who are talented, that you feel like they’ve figured out what works for them and that are extremely passionate. I initially was hesitant about entering art school cause I had lost my passion thanks to a previous art teacher of mine. I thought why not give it a go? Maybe being surrounded by passionate people who jolt my passion and motivation to do art. Sadly that didn’t happen. I ended up being way more lost and miserable. Ok which student hasn’t felt lost and miserable before? But I just felt like whatever I did wasn’t working out and I was just churning out things to satisfy deadlines and criteria. I just didn’t like what I did and felt that I was slowly driving myself into a corner. I used to be passionated about drawing and illustrations but ever since my previous art teacher happened, I just stopped all together. In art school, I felt like oh I can’t paint, I can’t draw, so what do I do now? I ended up doing a lot of experiment stuff, which was fun, but I felt like I was really narrowing down what I could do and it drove me mad. I felt so dead and unwilling to do work that I would ignore work for a straight month and then panic and rush when I had critique or deadlines were closing in thanks to my procrastination. I may have had an inferiority complex and I couldn’t bring myself to ask any of my classmates no matter how open and chill everyone seemed to be. 

My grades weren’t helping my mental health either. My school has a very weird grading system. Overall we have a gpa, however we never know what our gpa is. Our grades would be out of a 100 with 40 being the passing grade which sounds pretty good and normal. But the thing is that it’s rather rare of anyone to score above 80 unless it was for theory or history. So constantly hitting 50s and 60s made me feel like I sucked and that probably everyone else was doing way better and it just made me even more demoralised. Having parents who were used to the normal grading system sucked cause they would never understand why I was achieving these grades and kept saying do better next time, you have to graduate with at least 2nd upper class honours. 

Nobody seemed interested in my works compared to my classmates and my mediocre grades were hurting me and the pressure of not being a disappointment to my parents just put me in a really bad state. Not to mention my lack of a social life made me more miserable cause everyone seemed to never have the time for me and never bothered thinking about me. I had nobody to lean on. I had nobody to talk to. Everyone was too busy and I felt like I would be bothering them, both friends and family.  There was just a lot of things happening and I just felt empty. I was living an extremely unfulfilling life. There were so many times I just try to disconnect from everything which lead to my parents nagging more at me cause they’d just assume I was being lazy. 

This was supposed to be my graduating year. I did think of taking a gap year before the school semester officially started but I felt like I might as well just suck it up and get through the year. Also cause I didn’t want to bring my parents any stress and disappointment again. The pressure of wanting to do well just overcame me. I felt suffocated. I was just filled with so much anxiety and stress that I couldn’t do anything. There was this back and forth argument going in my head that I should just do it or that I should just quit. Eventually after talking to some friends, I decided I really needed a break. 

Telling my parents that I wanted to take an intermission mid semester wasn’t going to be easy especially cause fees are expensive, I’m not the one paying for them and that there would be no refunds. Persuading my parents was going to be another headache cause, from my pov, they never took me seriously or bothered to understand me. I just let me be and assumed things. I know they do things with good intentions but sometimes it just frustrates me so much and their words can hurt so much. So I wrote them a letter about my situation and that I wanted to take a break and sigh when I handed them that letter, at first, they didn’t take it seriously until I sternly told them both to read it. That lead to probably one of the worse 2 weeks of my life in 2017. They said they would support me no matter what my decision ended up being but I could see it that they just couldn’t let me take the break I needed. They wanted me to talk to professionals like the sch counsellor (imo doesn’t help at all from past experiences), my programme leader and my uncle who’s an art teacher. It really did feel like they were hoping these professionals would tell me otherwise and change my mind. My dad was obviously worrying about sch fees and the fact that he would have to fork out even more money. I can’t blame him but idk money over your own daughter’s mental health? And you said you’d try to support me? It just rubbed off the wrong way. During those 2 weeks, my parents never brought the taboo topic up irl and only texted me about the matter which made me feel like they truly didn’t care. It was a really sucky feeling. It hurts me even more cause my mum did work in a mental health institute for a few years but she couldn’t help or say anything comforting to me. 

So I did as I was told and talked to the necessary people just to please them because I desperately wanted out. A few people were willing to help me if I made the decision to continue school this year. My sis, who’s also an art teacher, offered me help by thinking for me like being my brain and I just needed to execute the works. My uncle offered to buy me the necessary materials I needed to pull off my practice and was also willing to help me. Even with people willingly wanting to help me, I couldn’t bring myself to continue school. I felt bad ngl. I just felt like I was continuously being selfish and letting everyone down but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I talked to my parents again and they finally allowed me to take the gap year I needed and well now I’m here. I just kinda sucks that they took forever to let me be and try to understand me. 

It’s not the first time, I’ve caved in to anxiety, pressure and stress. The last time that happened, I flunked my graduating national exams. I might have passed nearly everything but I got shit grades. I barely had any universities I qualified for. Honestly, I hated how my parents continuously compared me to my sis who keeps achieving in life. I mean I’m happy for her but it sucks. You really feel like a defective child especially if you have dyslexia and adhd like I do. 

This ended up super long but I guess it was necessary. I’m just glad my folks allowed me to do this and that they’re trying to understand and support me. I left out a lot of ugly details but you get what I’m trying to say (even tho this is already longer than an essay). I guess sometimes you got to take things into your own hands and not allow yourself to suffer for others. Stop doing things to please people, just do it for yourself. If you need a break and need help, do it before it gets worse. I still feel like crap honestly but I feel so so relived.

[coughdontfeelwellcough]

Uncertain (OCs sickfic, part 1)

I did it guys! I finally finished something! I’ve been writing this story for months and it currently has a word count of 12400! 

This is a pneumonia fic staring two of my ocs Anna and Jamie. I hope you enjoy :)  

Spring had arrived but only barely, the days were getting longer and warmer but the nights still bit with sharper teeth than a hungry dog. Anna tugged tightly on her coat as she made her way through the trees, the sky was just visible through the trees, a full moon provided a decent light though without a proper torch she still tripped over a fair few branches. When she made it so the clearing she had a few cuts and bruises, something she’d have to lie about later. Anna sat at the bottom of a large oak, her legs crossed over it’s roots. The ground was damp and cold but she didn’t mind, it made a change to be out in nature and away from stuffy textbooks. Normally she didn’t have to wait long but the stars were creeping across the sky with no sign of him. At first she didn’t mind, their meetings were never set in stone and something could have delayed him but after awhile anxiety started to build in her chest. It grow colder and she regretted not bring gloves or at least a scarf. She didn’t know how long she could stay out without arousing suspicion but she didn’t dare leave incase he came and she missed him.

A sudden noise snapped her awake from where she’d been drifting. Someone was walking close by and it could only be one person, no one else knew of the little clearing deep within the forest. She watched as his torch light grew and a shadowy man appeared at the outskirt of the clearing.

“Hello stranger,” she greeted.

“Hey,” he replied, his voice sounding rougher than usual.

The anxiety that had almost vanished at the sight of him stayed settled in her stomach, something felt off.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

He came over to join her, sitting down on the lumpy roots, his head coming to rest on her shoulder.

“Just tired,” he yawned. “It took me forever to get here. My whole body feels like lead.”

Anna frowned and put her arm around his shoulders. She knew his life took a lot out of him both mentally and physically, and that he did what he had to to get by. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d been in a state when they’d met, once she’d found him covered in blood and he had to beg her not to take him to hospital. It was probably no surprise he was exhausted and Anna didn’t mind, not really. It was just nice to have him by her side, it had been over a week since they’d last seen each other and she’d missed him, more than she felt ready to admit.

They stayed like that for awhile, Jamie sleeping on Anna’s shoulder, her watching the stars as he snored in her ear. They probably could have stayed like that all night if Jamie hadn’t shivered and like that anxiety reared it’s ugly read again. Jamie was many things, brave, clever, one of a kind but he was never cold. He ran like a volcano and if he was shivering surely that only meant one thing.

Anna ran her fingers against his skin and felt the fire beneath, there was no doubt he was running a fever.

“Jamie.. Jamie, wake up.”

He stirred before sharply pulling away to cough into his elbow.

“How long have you been sick?” she asked rubbing his back.

He shrugged. “Don’t know, my head started splitting yesterday.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought I’d be okay,” he said before descending into coughs again.   

Anna tried to ignore the way her heart fluttered and continued to pat his back until he was able to regain control over his breathing.

“How do you feel? Honestly,” she asked.

Anna knew Jaime had a tendency not to tell the truth when it came to how he was feeling, it never hurt that much and he was always okay. It had taken her quite some time to start breaking down his walls.

He sighed, his breath cracking but he didn’t cough. The moonlight was making him seem even paler, almost ghost like. His eyes were red and tired, his hair sticking up in weird places from where he’d been sleeping against her shoulder.

“Pretty bad, everything aches, my chest hurts and I’m so damn cold,” he said, pulling his collar up to cover his face and sneezed.  

“You sound terrible,” she said, wrapping her arm around his shoulders and pulling him close.

Jamie shivered again and huddled closer to her, trying to get as much of her warmth as possible and Anna realised how unwell he must be feeling.

She placed her hand against his neck making him shudder, it sounded like he had the flu, poor thing. He needed rest and fluids, in fact the last place he should be was sat on a cold forest floor on a frosty night.

“You should go,” she said.

“What?” he replied.

“You shouldn’t be here, it’s only going to make you worse.”

“Don’t care,” he mumbled.

Anna smiled and ran her fingers through his hair, it was just a little too long and fell into eyes but he didn’t seem to mind.

“You don’t want to get worse honey, come on I’ll help you home.”

It was the first time in their weeks together that either one had mentioned the word home, it was something neither of them like to discuss and the main reason for their woodland meetings. They couldn’t be seen together.

He shook his head against her shoulder, coughing weakly.

“Can’t, there was a fight and....”

His voice cracked and she tightened her arm around his shoulders.  

Anna knew Jamie’s home life had never been great; trapped between his warring parents in a loveless marriage. She knew that was where he got his recklessness, he was nearly always in trouble, having got into a fair few fights but he wore the scars well.

“What happened?” she asked gently. She didn’t want to upset him but he had to spend the night somewhere and under the stars was not an option, not when he was already so ill.

He cleared his throat, his voice already strained and sore, cracking every few words.

“We got into a big fight, they called me ungrateful, I said they act like I’m some thing they got lumbered with rather than actually wanted.. That didn’t go down well. There was lots of yelling and screaming, I got out of there as soon as I could. Haven’t been back since.”

“Oh Jamie…” she cooed.

Anna’s own parents were far from perfect, very far in fact but every time Jamie mentioned his she could feel her heart break a little bit more. He didn’t deserve the trouble he had, he was the best and most kindhearted people she’d ever known.

“I’m okay,” he said before launching into a painful sounding coughing fit. Anna had to resist rolling her eyes.

“Yeah totally okay, and when was this? Where you’ve been sleeping?” she asked.

“Hmm 2 days ago? I’ve been sleeping in my car, not very comfortable but good enough,” he said, sniffling.

“In your car? Why didn’t you tell me I could have….” she trailed off.

“Could have what? There’s nothing to be done,” he said before sneezing.

She wanted to argue but it was true, she didn’t know what she could do. The reason their meetings had to be in secret were down to Anna’s family, or rather her family name. She was the youngest daughter of the James family. And though it would give her great pleasure to stand up to over overbearing, controlling, ‘upper class’ parents she couldn’t, not yet. She needed to get through her education first, they may be the worst kind of people but their money did come in handy.

“I wish there was, I really do,” Anna said, running a hand through Jamie’s hair.

He smiled weakly and closed his eyes, she knew he was feeling awful and wished she could take it all away from him.

Just as he was about to drift back to sleep he was wrecked by a coughing fit, unable to breathe Anna helped him sit upright and patted his back until it was over. He rubbed his chest and winced, Anna tried not to panic at the wheezing sound of his lungs. He either had a chest infection or was very close to it, which was a step toward to him developing pneumonia… She was forced to blink away tears as Jamie leant against her, the last fit had left him so exhausted he was barely holding himself up.  

“We need to get you out of here,” she said more desperately than before.

The wind had picked up, sending an icy blast over them, making Jamie shudder. It was what would probably be the last frost of the Winter before Spring arrived.

“We’ve been over this,” he croaked, his voice raw from coughing. “There’s nowhere to go.”

Anna felt like screaming or kicking a tree out of her pure frustration. She was used to life not being fair, especially when it came to Jamie. Her parents would have disowned her if they knew where she was or more importantly who she was with, trash they’d call him, from an estate and worth less than the dirt on the bottom of their designer shoes. It made her blood boil thinking of them all tucked up in bed, sleeping soundly why Jamie was getting sicker by the minute. It was in her anger she felt for her parents that an idea formed, one that with an incredibly thin line between success and failure it would have been insane to attempt, but as Jamie coughed again Anna saw no other option.

“Come on, we’ve got to go,” Anna said, trying to nuge Jamie into an upright position.

“Wha… Where?” he rasped.

“To my house.”

“Anna we can’t… What if…”

He was cut off with a harsh sneeze, covering his mouth with his arm.

“I don’t care! I don’t care if they find out, I don’t care if they cut me off or send me away I just.. I just can’t let you…”

Her breath started hitching and it was Jamie’s turned to calm her down, a hand on her back and helping her breathe until it passed.

“Please, for me.”

Jamie rubbed his pounding head, the idea of sleeping anywhere other than the car sounded like heaven. Anna had said from the get go that her parents couldn’t know about them, the repercussions could be the end of her dreams of becoming a Doctor and he would never want to take that from her but at the same time he couldn’t get over that look in her eyes, the one of shera panic and despair.

“Do you have any idea how we’re going to pull this off?” he asked.

Anna wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled, a sweet genuine smile.

“Of course I do.”

The dark ink coloured sky had started to lighten by the time they reached Anna’s back door, black fading into a beautiful navy blue. It hadn’t been long into their journey when it became apparent Jamie was sicker than he had let on, Anna had to keep an arm firmly around his waist just to stop him from falling, his skin on fire and he kept having to stop to cough or sneeze, each one leaving him a little bit weaker.  

His breathing sounded even worse than before, wheezing and tight like he couldn’t get in enough air. He kept rubbing his chest and wincing having given up trying to hide his pain.

Anna unlocked the door and quietly as they could they stepped inside. The back door lead into a small pantry complete with washing machine and the smell of clean clothes. Jamie’s breath hitched and turned away to sneeze.

“Bless you,” Anna whispered.

“Sorry, I was trying to be quiet.”

“It’s okay, no one should hear us down here. It’s getting up to my room that’ll be tricky…”

“What’s the plan again?” Jamie asked.

“To be as silent as humanly possible, sneak past my parents room and get to mine, lock the door, get you medicine and then sleep for days.”

“That last bit sounds amazing,” Jamie mumbled.

He sounded so ill and miserable, almost childlike and Anna hoped he couldn’t see her smile in the dark.

“I know but we’ve got to get there first, think you’re up for three flights of stairs?” Anna asked, already aware of how much she was holding him up.

“Three? Is this place a house or a castle?” Jamie asked, his croaky voice taking on a mocking tone.  

Anna laughed, Jamie put a finger to her lips to stop her.

“Shh, remember?”

It was the happiest he’d been all night, Anna was sure he was smiling and it made her heart flutter. Jamie yawned and Anna knew it was time to move, he wasn’t going to stay standing much longer and the long walk through the cold had done nothing to help his abused lungs, even being as quiet as he could she could still hear the wheeze in his breathing.

They left the laundry room and entered the large kitchen, it was probably bigger than most of Jamie’s house. A island stood in the middle, glistening white in the moonlight, everything so clean it was like walking into a showroom not a home. Anna pulled him through, out of the kitchen and into the hallway and a staircase that looked like it was straight out of a real castle.

“Woah…”

“Shhh.”

Anna lead him up, slowly as their footsteps echoed on the marble steps. They had to stop at the top of the first flight as Jamie coughed and fought to catch his breath. Anna waited to hear the sound of her parents approaching, disturbed by the sound and come to investigate but the house was silent. She breathed a sigh of relief and they continued, they reached the second floor and Anna’s heart was hammering in her ears. Her parents room was on the floor below hers, their door only a few meters in front of them. She tried not to breathe at all, not wanting to risk a thing. Jamie stumbled a little beside her and she clammed her hand so tight on his side she was sure he’d have a bruise in the morning. They made it about halfway across the long hallway when a light appeared from under her parents door.

“Shit,” she gasped.

Jamie looked at her in panic and Anna begged that they hadn’t heard them, it was just one of them getting a glass of water and the light would go out. Anna and Jamie stood there in the middle of the hall, half frozen in panic and that’s when they heard footsteps. Anna did the first thing to came to mind, she opened the door behind them and shoved Jamie through closing it behind him  just in time for her dad to appear.

“Anna? What are you doing down here?” he asked, his voice was rough from sleep and his nightshirt was rumbled.

“Couldn’t sleep, I thought I’d make a hot cocoa,” she lied.

She prayed it was too dark for her dad to notice she was dressed in dirty clothes, a cut stinging on her cheek and that she probably smelt of a mixture of mud and Jamie’s aftershave.

“Can’t bare the stuff, I find a tot of whiskey works much better,” he said.

“Thanks dad, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Well goodnight Anna,” he said, his hand patting her on the shoulder as he past.

“Goodnight dad.”

She waited until he’d gone in the oversized family bathroom down the hall before slipping into the room she’d shoved Jamie. She found him sat on the floor, his legs pulled up to his chest as he tried not to cough.

“It’s okay, he’s gone.”

He let out a few heavy, painful sounding coughs and looked up, he seemed so tired she wondered if she’d even be able to get him up again.

“You okay?” she asked, kneeling down beside him.

He nodded. “Even after you pushed me.”

“Pushed you I…”

She realised that’s why he was sitting on the floor, she’d shoved him a little too hard in her hurry to get him through the door.

“Oh Jamie I’m sorry,” she said, hugging him.

“It’s okay, you think he noticed?” he asked.

“Honestly I think I could have been sneaking in an entire circus and he wouldn’t have noticed, probably taken one of his sleeping pills, they always make him a little hazy,” Anna said.

“Is this your room?” Jamie asked.

Even in the very low light the pink walls were noticeable, posters of unknown bands and pictures were stuck on pinboards, sports trophies lined shelves and a collection of fluffy animals sat pride of place in the middle of the bed.

“With all those sporting achievements? Not likely, this was my sister’s room....”

“Oh..” Jamie coughed.

Anna’s sister Katherine was one of the main reasons Anna held such a grudge against her parents. Katherine was the eldest of the sisters, born ten years before Anna she was the golden child who could do no wrong, or so Mr and Mrs James liked to think. She’d became some big hot shot lawyer and married a man very much like Mr James himself. Anna found it rather it sickening to watch but that was what the James’ expected from their children, to be perfect and not to question the status quo. The problem being that wasn’t Anna, she wanted her life to be hers not a repeat of those before her. And if that meant risking everything for the sick boy in front of her then so be it.

They waited until Anna was sure her dad had returned to bed and all the lights had gone out, she stood up and helped Jamie to his feet. He stumbled into her, his head coming to rest on her shoulder as she held him.

“I know you feel awful honey but we’re so close, you can make it.”

“Okay, for you.”

Anna smiled and fought her instinct to kiss him. It had been over a week since she’d last been able to and even when he was sick as hell, burning up with a fever and barely able to stand she wanted nothing more than to feel his lips on hers. Anna took Jamie’s hand and quietly as they could they left Katherine’s room, slipping back into the hall. The light under Anna’s parents room was off and there was the soft sound of snoring coming from inside, she lead Jamie passed and up to the final flight of stairs.

Her room was right at the top of the house, in what had probably been the attic.Unlike her sister’s room Anna’s wasn’t filled with posters or sports trophies, it was books that covered her walls; shelves span every inch of the room, books piled in every available bit of space from the desk, the floor and even in the bed. The large king sized stood out in the middle of the room, unmade with pillows scattered everywhere, large windows casting shadows across the wooden floor as the moon outside began to sink behind the skyline.

Jamie dived straight for the bed and Anna just smiled as he fell face first onto the pillows though her smile faded when he started coughing, long and hard with the pain evident on his face. She was at his side in a moment, helping his sit up with a reassuring hand on his back. Once he was able to breathe without choking he fell against the pillows, his eyes already closed.

“Not yet Mr, you need a drink and medicine then you can sleep.”

He groaned but there was a hint of a smile on his face. Anna went into the enjoining bathroom to search for something Jamie could take, hopefully to help him sleep. She returned with an armful of various packets, bottles and what appeared to be a jar of vicks only to find Jamie sat up against the headboard with a book in his lap. Anna stopped for a moment and just watched, she’d never seen him in a normal setting before. He looked so calm, so peaceful just sitting there, his eyes darting across the page and she grinned.

“Found something you like?”

“Maybe, I never get a chance to read these days. I miss it.”

Anna frowned slightly and sat down beside him, placing the medicine on the table.

“Well that I can definitely fix but first let’s try and get this fever down okay?”

Jamie nodded and Anna started dosing out the various medicine’s she’d collected. He took it without fuss but his blinking started to get slower as he fought to stay awake.

“I think it’s time you went to sleep,” Anna said, running one hand through his hair and feeling just how hot his skin still was.

He laid down and tugged her down with him, his head coming to rest of her chest. She’d forced him to remove him jacket and he shivered, pulling her closer.

“Read to me,” he whispered.

“What shall I read?” she replied.

“I was quite enjoying that one about a dragon..” he mumbled, he was barely awake as it was.

“Okay, the dragon one it is.”

Anna picked up the book that Jamie had been reading and started from where he left off. He was asleep before she’d even finished three pages, snoring softly but resting at last. They’d never had any sort of domestic moments, they’d never even been outside of the forest together but lying there with him, not even doing anything, just sleeping felt right. And as Anna closed her eyes she didn’t know how she’d ever sleep again without him pressed up against her.

[paintedface]

Misfits Prologue

Summary: An introduction into your college life, including your room mates and your crush which you really shouldn’t have

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (ALTERNATE UNIVERSE)

Word Count: 1,679

Warnings: none, really

Notes: This is a demo fic, I’m not quite sure if I’ll continue it or not. This is a rushed prologue, but I hope you like it! This series won’t have much angst, sorry!

Now:

Sometimes life didn’t work out the way you wanted it to. Sometimes it worked exactly how you wanted it to. This was one of those times, and you aren’t exactly sure how you lucked out. Or how you are still lucky.

Then:

Your name is Y/N Y/L/N, a graphic design student in your junior, fourth, year of University. You spend your time doing both online and actual painted commissions, finishing assignments and binge watching Netflix. You’re not the most social person, an obvious introvert. You are quite the contrast to your room mates though.

Natasha Romanoff. How do you even begin to describe Natasha Romanoff? She has so many secrets and you don’t even bother to try find them out. She’s dangerous, has a black belt in karate. She could beat up a 7 foot guy with one perfectly aimed punch. Now that you think about it, she has beaten up a 7 foot guy before easily. No sweat. She’s alluring as well, curves in the right places, thick red curls and long eyelashes. However, if anyone even dared to touch her thigh higher than to be friendly, she would kick them in the groin. With her high heel. She’s incredibly smart too, acing all her classes. She’s studying Physical Education, and it’s a breeze for her. You’re lucky to have her as a friend though, she really is good fun.

Wanda Maximoff. When you first met her and Natasha, you thought they may have been related, because of the endings of their last name. She’s a Dance student, you’ve never met someone so graceful before. She’s quietly spoken, shy and reserved. Something happened in her past that had scarred her, making her a bit afraid of herself. Her parents aren’t around anymore, but you’re not insensitive enough to ask about the situation. She’s a bit taller than you, with long brown hair and a complexion you wish you had. Sometimes you wish you had her fashion sense because she rocks all the clothes she wears.

Pepper Potts. She’s the one who stops Natasha from getting involved with all the frat parties. Well…you all stop her, but Pepper has that authoritative ‘mother’ voice. Pepper is studying law, and rightfully so. She is great at negotiation and arguing, from your knowledge. She’s one of the kindest people you’ve met, which is strange, considering her boyfriend is an asshole. She’s always organised, with planners and to-do lists. Her outfits are clean and sharp, hardly an orange hair out of place. Despite her tidy exterior, she’s extremely funny as well.

Finally, Peggy Carter. Your absolute best friend. She actually deserves to rule the world, with all the damn right qualities. She’s been your friend since Year 5, and she’s been your life support through all the years. She was there for you when you first got dumped, she was there for you when you were being bullied. She, like Wanda, is amazing in anything, having flair and style. She’s the right mixture of work and party, though she knows much better than to ever get drunk. She studies business management, and you know her business would succeed instantly once she’s gotten out of college.

You’re not certain how you ended up with this bunch of room mates, but you’re not complaining. At least they don’t bring in random guys into their beds. No way would you tolerate that.

You’re specifically connected to the dorm above you in the apartment building through romance. You don’t have any luck with love, but your room mates do.

Natasha is dating a young man named Clint Barton, who, for some reason, is a master at archery. Every time he does darts in a bar, he wins. He’s doing a Physical Education course too. He has a great sense of humour, and he’s fun to be around. He also goes out with Nat about every weekend, and is probably really bad for her. They’re both bad for each other, but you can’t argue with love, right? They never seem to get hungover after parties, which is strange considering the amount of alcohol they consume. They also screw at least once a week. On those nights, you blast music through your earphones in an attempt to drown out their moans.

Wanda’s with Vis Midsten, who’s just as quiet as she is. He’s highly intelligent, his brain power probably higher than all of your friends’ ones combined. He’s always dressed well, shirts, sweaters, pants and dress shoes. You don’t talk to him much, but then again, he doesn’t talk much either.

About that asshole Pepper’s with…his name is Tony Stark. You have no idea how such a sweet person like Pepper could be dating someone so arrogant and egotistical as Tony Stark. You, personally, don’t see what’s in him, and you don’t know why Pepper stays with him. Maybe he’s soft and mushy in the inside, you have no idea. From what you’ve heard and seen of him though, he’s taking an engineering course, and is quite good at it. Doesn’t excuse his annoying behaviour though.

When you first saw Steve Rogers, you knew he had to be with Peggy. They were made for each other. Steve had golden hair, which looked beautiful beside Peggy’s brown curls. He was virtuous and would help anyone. Peggy was bold, brave, but you knew the moment her heart melted-when she first introduced herself to Steve. You enjoyed his company, especially as he was studying English and wrote amazing stories. You sometimes drew sketches to his stories, and you always had a good time thinking up ideas with him. You never went further than a strong friendship, though.

Everyone else is paired off, but that doesn’t mean that the last eligible person in that dorm would want you. Because it’s Bucky Barnes.

Bucky Barnes…otherwise known as James Buchanan Barnes. God, the moment when you first properly met him, you fell for him. Literally, you stumbled while walking towards him, and almost fell flat on your face. But luckily, he caught you on the upper arm, chuckling, and pulled you back up. You never believed in 'love at first sight,’ thinking it was extremely sappy. However, Bucky sort of changed that. For the first time, you actually longed to be with someone, desperately hoping that one day, you would find out he would reciprocate your feelings. When he held your arm after you had embarrassed yourself, it felt like shivers were running up your spine. The good kind of shivers, like you were excited about something. And that laugh…it was warm, broad and low. You couldn’t get enough of that laugh, you wished you could hear it more often. You still do. His voice is the same, husky and gentle, every word careful. People would find that quite odd, because, speaking frankly, Bucky’s a punk rocker.

That may be an overstatement, as you know he’s not a punk rocker or a heavy metal, he’s more of an emo, but it’s true. It doesn’t mean he’s not kind, because he is. You’ve seen him stand up to frat boys trying to hit on Wanda. And on movie nights, he’s always laughing and not making rude remarks. He doesn’t make rude remarks in general. He’s extremely smart, studying music and English. However, he’s a person who has a lot of piercings, up his ear, a stud in his nose, a lip ring and an eyebrow bar. He doesn’t have enough to make him look menacing, intimidating, but there’s still quite a few of them. You honestly think they’re extremely hot. He has tattoos too, a sleeve of them on his left arm. A red star with wandering vines trailing out of it, metallic lines across his skin, with different geometric patterns that snake up to his collarbone. You think he has one on his right rib, though you’ve never had the chance to properly see it. You’ve seen a few others dotted around, not big ones though. As an artist, you admire them, intrigued by the designs. You wish you could trace your finger over them one day without him thinking you’re weird.

Bucky wears leathers jackets, dark t shirts with the names of bands that are probably like My Chemical Romance and Panic! At The Disco. His skinny jeans just kill you, defining his long and muscular legs, a few of his jeans having rips in the knees and torn in a few other places, looking scuffed. You liked the non-torn ones just as much as the torn ones. He sometimes wears scarves, thin cloth ones, wound around his neck several times. Belts, both chain and leather, hang loose in their loops, slung down to mid thigh. You hardly ever see him out of leather boots, sometimes rivalling the height of the heels you own.

He wears eyeliner. He…wears…fucking…eyeliner. It kills you. It takes all your strength to not eyefuck him from across the room when he’s got that black, smudged liner around his blue grey, stormy eyes. Especially when he’s smirking, soft pink lips curled up in one corner.

Bucky’s taller than you, probably about a head taller. He fucking towers over you. Maybe it’s just the heels. You also want you to bury your hands in his hair, soft, wavy brown hair almost reaching his shoulders. He often wears it in a ponytail or a bun, but when he wears it loose, you inwardly groan because he looks so good.

Yes, you basically have every detail of him memorised, but you’ve been having a secret crush for over a year now. It’s eating you away from the inside, and if you don’t tell him soon, then you won’t see him for a while, seeing as it’s the second final year of college. But the fear of being rejected is way too much, and you’ve chickened out every time you decided to tell him. Nat keeps teasing you about it, and you tell her to shut up.

You tell yourself that one day, you’ll tell him. But you haven’t yet.

Part 1 

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