#and then the leader was like no i’m on my period and also in pain so you have to suffer with me <3

[lunaryuwu]

Ughhhh period cramps hughhhhh period cramps

[phantasmicfish]

So I saw Dune Part 2 yesterday and I was initially super crushed because of the deviation from book canon but the more I think about it the more I sorta like it…

So without further ado here’s a list of stuff I liked about Dune Part 2:

- all the scenes initially of Paul growing closer to the Fremen. You can clearly see that they become friends, accept him as a Feydakin, that they’re laughing, joking, hanging out. (And contrast that to the end of the movie, where Paul has no more Fremen friends, only followers. In the book, this is echoed, where Paul recognizes that he has lost his friends to the Muad’Dib religion. Take book Stilgar, who truly embodies this… by the end of the book, Paul says: “I have seen a friend [Stilgar] become a worshipper.”

- giving Chani explicit rejection of Paul’s messiah status was an interesting choice. Chani’s main thought over part 2 is that they don’t need religion to save them, that through Fremen power and desert power, the Fremen can save themselves. She recognizes that this fanatical worship can be a vehicle to control and enslave her people, and I sorta wish we saw Paul lean into that more… that they found a way to stay together and ‘fight’ the prophecy together based on Chani’s ideals…

- also, I love how engrained this rejection of religion and prophecy is in her character. Book Chani takes no issue with her Fremen name, Sihaya (desert spring), but movie Chani hates it “because it’s part of some prophecy.” Later, we see that despite her rejection of prophecy and religion, that the prophecy does indeed come to pass— the tears of desert spring save Him aka, Chani saving Paul after he drinks The Water of Life. (Interesting how Jessica has to force Chani to save Paul using the Voice… another example of Jessica explicitly forcing Paul to become the messiah).

- adding more depth to Fremen culture— the South being the more religious fundamentalist tribes vs the North being more secular. Early on, the movie paints this immediate divide between the tribes of Fremen who accept Paul and Jessica versus those who treat them as offworlders (who murdered Jamis). In the books everyone accepts Paul and Jessica after Paul bests Jamis and Jessica quotes some scripture, but I think it makes more logical sense that there’d be friction over these two random offworlders coming in

- I love love loved Paul speaking at the meeting of the Fremen tribe leaders in the South. He fully accepts his messiah status, exercises his power of the Voice + his prescience as a way to command all the Fremen under his name

- I’m a big fan of omitting the two-year time skip, so with that I’m glad Leto II was skipped over entirely. I always felt that Leto II was an unnecessary character addition to the book, especially when he just dies and everyone sort of goes “oh well” and moves on, so I’m glad it’s omitted.

- another interesting choice was to paint Jessica as a straight up villain in comparison to the way her book counterpart was not. The movie Jessica we see here is seemingly corrupted by the Water of Life: she walks around talking to herself (Alia) and scheming Paul’s ascent to Lisan-Al Gaib. She knows about the Holy War, which is the very thing Paul is trying to prevent, yet she expresses no concern about bringing it to fruition. (Probably because Jessica knows it’s impossible to prevent, but still.) The very last line of the movie, where Alia asks Jessica what’s going on and Jessica says “The Holy War has begun” is just total villain in my mind— explicit acceptance of the Holy War, like it’s just another stepping stone in her plan. Plus, the fact that Paul has visions of Jessica leading him into this period of great starvation totally cements her as a villian.

- going off of that, I like that we see Jessica undergoing actual agony when she takes The Water of Life. When book Jessica and Paul take The Water of Life they accept it calmly and without obvious pain (book Jessica was sitting with her eyes closed, as if sleeping), so this physical reaction that Jessica has to the poison adds to the idea that The Water of Life did change her in a negative way.

- I feel like so far we’ve been introduced to Alia as just a weird talking fetus who’s been consorting with Jessica, so Paul’s vision where Alia says “I love you” really strikes home, that she really does care for Paul which we might not have understood otherwise

[hannyoontify]

your cherry flavored kisses - choi seungcheol

member | basketball player!seungcheol x student medic!reader ft. the rest of svt

genre | fluff, high school!au, established relationship!au, secret dating!au(?)

word count | 2.8k

synopsis | as his mom always said, kisses are the best kind of medicine for boo-boos

warnings | cursing, kissing, minor injuries, one joke about sex, reader is a bit shy when it comes to relationships and pda, a bunch of romantic cliches but pls js let me have this one 🥲

notes | realized that i can’t write intimate scenes for shit!!!! but also happy (late) birthday to the best leader!! hope your day was full of laughter and love because you deserve all of it and more <33

The entire gym seemed to grimace collectively when Player #1 was shoved over by the opposing team member, and so did you. Choi Seungcheol, the captain and star player of your school’s varsity basketball team rolled over onto his back, clutching his knee and face scrunched up in pain. 

The stands booed when the zebra-patterned referee blew his whistle and signaled it as not a foul. Students and other on-lookers from both sides began to yell, petitioning that it was a flagrant foul, but the referee stood his ground. You and your friend Vernon ran out onto the basketball court with the stretcher as your school’s head coach tried to reason with the referee.

“Hey, hey. Seungcheol, where does it hurt?” Vernon asked as you set down the stretcher. You reached over and scooped your hands under the sweaty athlete’s shoulders, ready to lift him into the gurney. When you first joined your school’s new sports medicine and therapy program, you thought no one actually used the medical device and the school had invested in one just for show. Obviously, you now stand corrected.

“The area-” The brunette gasped for air. Every square inch of his face was glistening in sweat, the collar of his jersey absolutely soaked through. Seungcheol had been giving it his all this entire game, scoring almost 21 points and it was only halfway through the second period. This aggravated the opposing team, who were losing exponentially, enough for them to push Seungcheol over when he was dribbling down the court. “The area below my knee cap. Hurts like a bitch.”

Vernon nodded in understanding and glanced over at you. You returned his gaze with a determined nod of your head and the two of you gently lifted shifted him onto the carrier. 

“Sorry. Would try to help but-” Seungcheol’s words were cut off with a loud groan. “Can’t. Right now.”

You tightened your lips at the sight of his face stricken with pain and with the help of Vernon, heaved him up and carried the injured player out of the gym to the nurse’s office.

Once Seungcheol was laid down on a cot, Vernon ran off to find Ms. Jung, the school nurse who had momentarily left her post to “get some fresh air” while you looked for an ice pack. As soon your friend left the room, Seungcheol grabbed your wrist and pulled you closer from where he was lying down, forcing you to sit on the edge of the cot he was lying on.

You rolled your eyes and tried to pull away but he kept an iron grip on your wrist as he tried his best to make eye contact with you. “Are you mad at me?” He asked with a small pout.

“No, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You huffed, refusing to face his direction. From where he was lying, Seungcheol could catch a glimpse of your side profile. Your lips were jutted out into a firm pout and your cheeks puffed out. 

“I’m sorry, love. I tried to take it easy but you know how I get-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I just… don’t like seeing you get hurt,” You said, in a much softer voice this time. “Damn you and your competitiveness. It doesn’t hurt to lose sometimes, you know.”

Seungcheol smiled when you turned around to finally face him. “Look at me, I’m all fine! I was just fibbing on the court to- OW WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Your boyfriend yelled out in pain when you poked at his knee, right below the kneecap where he said it was hurting earlier. “Fibbing, my ass. Stay here while I get an ice pack.”

Seungcheol whimpered in pain, rolling around on his back with his arms clenched around his leg while you searched through the mini freezer. He watched from behind, staring at your hunched over form. Despite the extreme pain he was currently feeling, he felt a warm feeling blossom in his chest that spread throughout his body all the way past his limbs to the tips of his fingers. God, he cared for you so much.

“Here, I think we ran out of ice packs so you have to use this bag of peas,” You came back with half a bag of iced peas, offering it to your boyfriend who looked up at you with teary heart eyes. 

(FYI, they were only teary because he was in immense pain.)

After sitting up, Seungcheol accepted the makeshift ice pack and pressed to his knee, knowing how to treat his injuries better than you or any other sports medicine and therapy student. You sat down next to him, gathering your knees close to your chest and lightly resting your head on his shoulder. It felt like your heart was going to leap out of your throat because of your close proximity.

You’ve had a crush on Choi Seungcheol for as long as you can remember. In elementary school, you found yourself drawn to him because of how he selflessly gave away all of his candy during lunch. (Looking back on it now, you might’ve been attracted to the candy not him, but that makes it sound less romantic so you like to leave that part out). In middle school, you always caught yourself staring in his direction because he was good. He excelled at whatever he did. He always knew the answers in math and shared interesting perspectives in English for a middle schooler. But he shone in gym class. Choi Seungcheol looked invincible with a ball in his hands, somehow pulling off the tacky and scratchy gym clothes that smelled like a mix of sweat and old socks. It was in eighth grade when you started doodling ‘[Name] Choi’ in the back of your math notebook before erasing frantically whenever your teacher walked by.

In high school, it was no different, except Choi Seungcheol just got really, really tall and really, really, really attractive. He was scouted into the school’s junior varsity basketball team as a freshman and became a point guard for the varsity team as a sophomore. He was completely out of your league. Choi Seungcheol was the star player of your school’s basketball team while you were just a staff member in your school’s newspaper. The closest you’ve ever gotten to Choi Seungcheol was when you assisted Seokmin in interviewing him after winning a game. 

That was, until this past summer. You were taking summer school classes to make room for sports med. and therapy in your schedule, and your seat partner was none other than Choi Seungcheol, who had failed Economics the semester before. It took you by surprise that the smartest boy you knew since third grade had failed a class, but you thought it was impressive that he even managed to take Economics as a junior. 

You found yourself bonding with the star player, joking around during class and taking turns to take naps so someone could take notes while the other slept. The system worked, and the teacher looked like they weren’t being paid enough to be there, so the two of you considered it a win. The entire summer flew by like that, talking and hanging out with Seungcheol, even outside of class. This was when you learned about his performance anxiety, his self-doubt, and the pressure he feels from not only his coach and teammates but also the rest of the school. You offered him the most comfort you could possibly muster; a few words of encouragement and a big, big hug. 

When Seungcheol asked you out on the last day of summer school, you didn’t see it coming at all. From what you knew, he only recently broke up with his past girlfriend, the captain of the cheer team. Everyone had said that they were like a match made in heaven, but evidently not, considering how messy their breakup was. But who were you to say no?

Fast forward two months, to your current situation. You guys weren’t intentionally keeping the relationship a secret, rather you were just shy and Seungcheol understood that. He promised you to wait patiently until you were ready. 

“Can I see your knee?” You asked softly. Seungcheol nodded and took off the bag of peas, revealing his now bruised knee. The skin was discolored in different shades of blue, black, dark purple, and green and you drew in a sharp breath. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Seungcheol pouted and pointed to his cheek, where he had a small nick, probably a scratch from the other player as he fell. You smiled and cautiously brought your hand up to his face. Despite having been dating for well over 2 months, PDA still felt a bit awkward for you. You occasionally held hands and hugged, and you liked to rest your head on his broad shoulders. Seeing Seungcheol’s face this close to yours made your stomach erupt into butterflies and you could feel the heat quickly spreading up to your cheeks.

“Let’s get some ointment on this,” You left your spot and began digging through the medicine cabinets, ignoring the hot burning on the apples of your cheeks. Going through every cabinet except the one that actually held the ointment, you talked loudly to yourself and Seungcheol held back a laugh at the sight. He thought it was cute, how flustered you got at the smallest amounts of physical touch. “Here it is!”

You ceremoniously held up the treatment and bandage box up in the air with a triumphant grin and Seungcheol couldn’t help but return the smile. Sitting back down next to him, you ignored the fluttering in your stomach again as you dabbed on the ointment onto your boyfriend’s face, trying your absolute hardest not to stare into his dark, chocolate-y brown eyes or his pretty pink lips-

“[Name], sweetheart, the scratch is on the other side,” Seungcheol said softly and you wanted to dig a hole, crawl into it and stay there forever. Your lover simply chuckled at your quiet ‘sorry’. “You’re cute.”

Now you really need to dig a hole. This was getting too much for you.

“Psh. Whatever,” You mumbled under your breath as you finished applying the treatment and brought out the bandage kit. “Stay still or else I won’t finish treating you.”

Seungcheol tried his best not to move when he felt your fingers lightly grazing his skin, sending shivers down his spine. It tickled, and he giggled.

You bit back a smile and lightly hit him in his shoulder for laughing. “I told you not to move.” 

“I couldn’t help it! It tickles,” With a small shake of your head, you put the kit away and sat back down next to him. Seungcheol stared at you for a minute before speaking again. “[Name], I think you’re forgetting something.”

You looked at Seungcheol with a confused look. “What do you mean?”

He crossed his arms across his chest with a pout. “Aren’t I supposed to get a lollipop for being a good patient?”

God, he was not good for your heart.

“How could I possibly forget?” With a fond smile, you handed him a bright red heart shaped candy on a stick. “You have been a good boy, have a lollipop!”

Seungcheol’s eyes twinkled at your reference to one of his favorite movies and gratefully took the candy. “Okay, now one last thing.”

“What?”

He pointed towards his injured knee. “You need to kiss it to make it feel better! It’s a part of the official medical procedure. My mom said so, and she’s a nurse.”

You rolled your eyes at your boyfriend’s childish antics but nonetheless bent over to kiss his knee. “And when’s the last time she’s said that to you?”

Seungcheol thought about it. “When I was four or five. But it’s you, so it’s gonna work, I promise,” He beamed triumphantly and pointed towards his right wrist, where he had injured it last season. “Here too.”

Thus began a little game, where Seungcheol pointed at all of his injuries, new and old, and you would follow wherever his finger pointed to kiss it and make it feel better. It was his knee, then his wrist, his elbow, his shoulder blade, his collar, all the way up to his cheek.

Your face is inches away from Seungcheol’s and you were pretty sure he could hear your accelerating heartbeat that thrummed loudly in your chest and ears. The sudden close proximity makes your breath hitch as you glance down at the candy stick that stuck out past his pretty lips. The warmth that radiated off his body sent chills down yours as you locked eyes with him. 

You felt sick. You really, really needed to dig a hole.

With your hands fidgeting in your lap, you leaned in closer, almost feeling drawn to his presence, like a moth drawn to a light or a sailor drawn to the sweet melodies of a siren’s voice. You wondered if Seungcheol would also lead you to your demise, just like those sirens. 

He leans in even more, his warm breath ghosting over your lips. The lollipop was nowhere to be found but you could still smell the overly sweet artificial cherry flavor and you licked your lips. If you moved just the slightest bit, your lips would graze his. 

“Cheol... can I kiss you?” The words leave your mouth without thinking and you want to kick yourself. 

Seungcheol pulls away for a second to get a better look at you, his eyes darting between your eyes and your lips. “I’d be pretty sad if you didn’t.”

That was all the confirmation you needed before you screwed your eyes shut and pressed your lips against his. You felt your teeth knock against his and you winced, but Seungcheol didn’t seem to mind. His hands naturally find the side of your face and waist as he gently pulls you in deeper into the kiss. Your hands remain in your lap, ever fidgeting and fussing at the new feeling. 

His lips tasted like cherry. A swirling combination of the cherry flavored lollipop and his cherry flavored chapstick he always wore before his games. He claimed that his lips get chapped easily during the game when you questioned him about it once. You decided that this was your new favorite flavor. Combined with the feeling of his soft lips against yours, you wondered how you made it this far without kissing him. 

Seungcheol pulls away hesitantly, his hands still on their respective places on your cheek and waist. “Too much?”

You shake your head with a smile. “You taste like cherries. I like it.”

He took that as a sign to continue and pulled you back in. This time you were prepared and angled your face so as to not bump your teeth with his again. You smiled into the kiss, the fluttering feeling in your stomach making you feel even more giddy than before. One hand slowly made their way onto Seungcheol’s shoulder, gripping onto his jersey as his lips captured yours.

“So that’s why our captain’s been in a good mood lately.”

You basically shriek as you frantically pull away from Seungcheol, who seemed just as surprised to see his entire (sweaty) team standing by the entrance. In the front leading the group was Yoon Jeonghan, another star player who co-captained the team and Seungcheol’s best friend. He stood by the doorway with his arms crossed, an amused smirk pulling at his lips. You could see the rest of his teammates standing behind him, noticing Mingyu and Soonyoung who seemed excited out of their minds to catch their captain in love.

“Go awayyyy,” Seungcheol complained, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. “Go bother someone else, I was doing something!”

You heard someone mumble, “More like doing someone,” that was immediately covered up with a cough.

“I heard that, Boo Seungkwan.” 

Jeonghan uncrossed his arms and took a step back. “We all came to check up on you but it seems like you got all the kisses you need to make your boo-boo feel better. I expect you to be on that court once halftime is over!”

You basked in the silence that followed soon after the 10 rowdy boys left. Guess the cat was out of the bag then.

“... Can I seriously play after halftime?”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Choi Seungcheol?!”

“Sorry, sorry! It was a joke!” A moment of silence before, “Can I kiss you again?” 

reblogs and feedback is always appreciated ^-^

[mrsevans90]

Puppy Love

Captain Syverson x OFC Emma Miller Part 10

Summary: Austin Syverson has returned to Texas after retiring from the military and starts his own contracting business. Syverson is used to being alone and thinks he prefers it that way. While at work he stumbles upon an injured and abused puppy. When he meets the new veterinarian in town, Emma Miller, he is immediately smitten with her. It turns out Emma has some baggage of her own. Will they be able to make it work? Or is it just a case of fleeting puppy love?

Pairing: Henry Cavill as Captain Austin Syverson x OFC Emma Miller 

Warnings: smut (oral/m receiving), talks of period intercourse, detailed PTSD flashback, graphic death of character discussed, self-deprecating talk, language

MINORS DNI! Must be 18+

I do not authorize any copying/pasting, stealing of my work, or using my words as your own. 

This story is not beta’d. All mistakes are my own.

A/N: I am an imperfect person who makes mistakes. All that I ask is to please be kind and if you enjoy it then please comment and REPOST! I appreciate any love, comments, and reposts more than you could know. Thank you for reading! 

Author's Note: This is a heavy chapter--- Big time PTSD flashback so consider yourself warned! Also, I purposely chose to not use characters in the flashback from the movie Sand Castle. I just didn’t want to kill off anyone’s fave character, so we are going to pretend this flashback was another mission from another deployment right before Sy retired not related to the movie. It was just easier for my conscious to write it that way. 

Part 9

All night long I have nightmares about the war. I wake and try to reset myself like the therapist taught me with deep breathing, water, change of environment, etc.; but nothing is working. I maybe only get about 2 hours of sleep total and I’m exhausted. I still go on my run to try and exhaust myself even more so that maybe tonight I will pass out into a dreamless sleep. I try to fake enthusiasm for whatever Nana is rambling on about in her phone call to me on the way to work but I’m sure she can tell that I’m starting to spiral. Alex can tell that today is one of those days so he asks me if I’m good and when I grunt at him he keeps his distance. God, I’m an ass but I’m obviously not good and I just can’t talk to him about it. Nobody really understands except the boys that I was with when it happened and several of them are dead now. I’m supposed to be their leader and I feel like I should have my shit together. My nightmares continue to worsen throughout the week and I feel like I overcompensate by working harder or exerting myself in more difficult physical pursuits in hopes of tiring my body and my brain out. I forced myself to run four additional miles on Friday even though my leg quickly protested. I focused on pushing through the pain and ended up having to ice my leg after work.

Friday evening finally rolls around, and Emma shows up at the house as planned with a little overnight bag in tow and homemade banana pudding. I’m cooking us some chicken and veggies out back on the grill when she arrives and I feel like I calm a bit just being in her presence. She still looks absolutely adorable as she shows up wearing comfortable clothes-a tank top and soft shorts. I love that she’s feeling relaxed enough with me to just be her most authentic self. After we eat, I fill my belly up with her decadent dessert and I swear I see stars. She’s quite the chef; as if she needed any more of a direct line to my belly or my heart. Assuming she’s still on her period, I ask her if she’s feeling alright and she nods but doesn’t offer more. I suggest we get in bed and watch a movie and she gleefully agreed. We get all cozied up in bed and she chooses a rom-com to put on. Not my first choice, but I’ll do anything to make her smile like that. It’s nice having someone other than myself warm my bed. We fall asleep easily tangled in each other and I’m relieved that I have no nightmares. Maybe Emma is the cure to my nightmares? Or did I really succeed in tiring myself out enough that I slept too hard to dream. Either way, I’m not complaining.

Saturday morning. I wake up at my usual time and smile to myself at finally getting a decent night of sleep. I lay in bed watching my girl dream before I decide to get up and go for a run. If it’s the exercise that helped me sleep last night, I’m not going to miss the opportunity to do it again. I leave a little note on Emma’s nightstand and decide to only run two miles today so I don’t fuck up my leg more than I probably already have. When I get back home, Emma is still a mess of hair and sheets and I can tell that she never missed me. Her hair is halfway across her face, one of her breasts is almost spilling out of her twisted tank top, and the covers are tangled all in her legs which brings a smile to my face. For someone so effortlessly beautiful, she’s kind of a mess when she sleeps and I can’t help but find that to be one of the most endearing things ever. I attempt to take a quick shower and am surprised when ice cold hands wrap around my stomach as my eyes are closed under the spray of the water and I jump like a cat. 

“Damn woman! Your hands are ice cubes.” I say as she laughs uncontrollably.

“Sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to startle you.” She says as she hugs me from behind. 

“I woke up and heard the shower running so I figured you wouldn’t mind if I joined you.” 

“Always, join me Sugar. My favorite showers are the ones with you.” I tell her as I turn around to see her. She’s got her beautiful hair tied up in a bun on top of her head and I shift her so that the water runs down her body to warm her up. I spy her adjust the temperature higher and I can’t help myself.

“What is it with women taking showers equivalent to the heat of lava?” She smiles.

“We are colder than you are. Gotta warm up somehow.” She presses a sweet kiss to my lips before turning around and washing her body. I can’t help but stand there like a creep watching her but I’ll never turn down an opportunity to see her wet and soapy.

“I hope you don’t mind that I hijacked your shower.” She smiled sweetly.

“Darlin’, I was done anyway. Now I’m just here for the show.” I arch my eyebrow at her as she spies my obvious erection.

“Let me help you.” She seductively suggests.

“I can help us both.” I offer but she shakes her head.

“Still on my period.” She replies without making eye contact.

“So?”

“We can’t have sex when I’m on my period!” She looks completely shocked.

“Says who? You know, sex actually helps relieves cramps.”  

“But..I might get blood on your…”

“Dick? What’s your point?”

“Isn’t that gross?” 

“Sugar, I told ya, I’m a man. A little blood isn’t going to scare me off. Now if you’re not interested because you don’t feel well or you just don’t want too, I have no problem with that. But, if you’re not interested because you think I’m going to be grossed out or something, I promise I won’t be. You can have me anytime you want, Sweetness. There’s no pressure either way. If you’re uncomfortable with it, I won’t mention it again.”

“Maybe give me some time to come around to the idea of it. I’ve never really considered it as an option.”

“Sure thing, babygirl.”

“You are something else, Bear. You mean it when you said I can have you anytime I want?”

“Mmhmm.” I say as her fingertips trail down my abdomen and she wraps her hand around my throbbing cock.

“Can I taste you?”

“Always, but don’t feel like you have too. I’ll be alright if not.”

“I want too.” She says before pushing me towards the shower bench and taking me in her mouth. In no time at all, I’m coming down her throat after receiving one of the best blowjobs of my life. She has my legs trembling from the stimulation and I can’t help but caress her cheek and kiss her gently when I come back to reality.

“my EmKay.” I whisper as I kiss her tenderly.

“Your EmKay?” She asks. 

“Mmhmm.” 

“Funny, I don’t remember being asked to be yours.” She haughtily replies.

“Ya’ ain’t going to make this easy on me, are ya?” Shit, what am I doing. I should have thought this through. She shouldn't want to be with me. The unreal blowjob has me not thinking clearly.

“Now why would I do that?” She retorts with a smile. I palm her cheek so that she’s looking right at me.

“Will you be my woman?” I ask seriously. Fuck it. Why not?

“Only if you’re my man.” 

“Well, I’ve been told that I’m a bear, but I’ll be your man too.” I joke before pressing my lips against Emma’s in a feverish kiss.

As the water gets cold, we finally climb out and get dressed for the day. I decide to take Emma out for breakfast at the diner in town before we go in search of furniture for her guest bedroom. Her parents are arriving next weekend and it was adorable when she shyly asked me if I’d be willing to meet them. I assured her that I’d be happy too and to just let me know when.

We spend a few hours at the furniture store where Emma purchases a matching bedroom set before going to a mattress store and trying out all of the mattresses to determine which would be a good purchase for her guest bedroom. They are able to deliver it same day which is nice so we pick a time for it to arrive that afternoon. We then head to a department store so she can pick out curtains, bed linens, and other odds and ends that I’m told a room requires like lamps and decorations. Being a single man for the majority of my adulthood that was mostly away in the military, I didn’t realize how much work women put into buying all of this shit. Why does she need the guest bath towels to match the hand towel in the bathroom? Or all of the little knick-knack items she bought to go on the dresser? I’m even more confused when she was discussing bed trains? No bed skirts. I’ve slept on friends couches without even a blanket but she’s really rolling out the red carpet for her parents. It’s a bit concerning if they are expecting all of this from their daughter who has lived here for under two months. Maybe they don’t expect it and she’s just trying to show them that she’s a capable adult who plans on settling here. I watch as she spends a small fortune trying to get everything in order for their visit. It’s obvious that she values their opinions. What if they don’t like me? I’m certainly different from the preppy type of guy that they’re used to seeing her with. I’m kind of rough around the edges and although I think I’m pretty smart, I certainly don’t hold advanced degrees. I’m broken from my thoughts when Emma asks my opinion about curtains. It’s sweet that she wants my opinion but I’m a fish out of water when it comes to decorating.

We load up all of the stuff and head back to Emma’s house where I get started hanging curtains as we wait on the furniture and mattress delivery. Emma orders us pizza and we munch on pizza and beer for a while. I’m regretting all of my additional workouts after I finally get the bed put together and the mattress put on it. Emma tried to help but she’s so little I didn’t want her to hurt herself so I ended up just man-handling it myself. She had washed the new bedding and put everything together before we took a look at it and she dove across the top of the bed. Emma patted the space beside her and I laid down next to her on top of the comforter. 

“I’m fucking exhausted and I didn’t even lift the heavy stuff.” She exhaled.

“I didn’t realize it was so much work to put together a bedroom. You sure know what you’re doing though.”

“Thank you. I just pick what I like. I couldn’t have done it all without you though, so thank you, baby. I can’t wait to have them visit and see that I’ve got my shit together here. That I’m not some dumb kid who needs rescuing. I’m able to handle myself.” Ahh, so I was right about that. It’s about proving herself to her parents.

“I think they’ll be impressed, Sugar. I know I am.” I smile at her before yawning.

She kisses my lips before scratching my beard gently. 

“Can we go back to yours, shower and then go to sleep? I’m dead on my feet.” She asks as she stands up and fluffs the new pillows. Why are there like 5 pillows that will just get thrown on the floor? Seems wasteful.

“You still want to come back to mine with me?”

She nods. “I want to be with you and the pups. Since they are at yours, it wouldn’t make sense to get them and come back here. I always sleep really good with you…Unless you’re too tired for a sleep over.” She says sheepishly and I wrap my arms around her.

“Nothing could be better than having my girl in my bed with me.” I tell her because I’m beginning to believe it’s the truth. “Let’s go.” 

We turn out all of the lights and lock up before heading back to mine. Emma’s car is still parked out front from where she left it and it makes me happy that she wants to be here with me. There’s a summer storm approaching and the wind has picked up which has Emma’s hair twirling in the breeze. I pull the patio cushions inside when I let the dogs out to do their business. After a quick shower because we are both too tired to do anything but clean ourselves, we do our nighttime routines before climbing into bed. Emma snuggles next to me with her head on my chest and I’m confident that it’s going to be a good night as we drift off to sleep.

It’s hot, but more than just hot. It’s sweltering. I can feel the sweat rolling down my chest and my back. It’s the type of unbearable heat that has your clothes sticking to your skin the instant you walk out of the mess hall. Then you add your gear, and the added weight from your gear plus your sweat soaked clothes is a certain feeling that I’ll never forget. I smell the smoke of an explosion further in the distance. We have our orders and it’s my job to lead our special forces team in to execute our orders exactly like planned. The problem with that is that most things never go as planned. It would be easy for this to be a cookie cutter mission where we get in and out and go back to base and fuck around for the rest of the afternoon. No, this will require me thinking on my feet at every turn. It’s what I’m trained for, hell, I’m the best which is why I’m the captain. I’ve got seven men with me whose lives rely on me assessing our situation and giving correct orders. They are sons, husbands, fathers, brothers, and friends who have people waiting on them at home. Each order I give is weighted by the knowledge that I’m responsible for them. We’re crouched in different positions behind the old dilapidated building that the informant said our guy would be in. The sun is glaring across our faces but we’re in the best position we could be in for this mission. We’ve been after this specific hostile for months and never been this close to him before. We can hear men inside the building, yelling in Arabic and moving around so we must remain completely silent. If we can hear them, they could hear us. We are ghosts that can’t be seen or heard but must work as a team for this to go smoothly. If one person spots us, it will turn into a close-range gun fight that I can’t imagine we will all win. I inhale deeply and even though there is dust on every inch of myself and the ground, I try to focus my thoughts. 

As I am about to give orders to direct my guys to move on to the next step of our plan, I hear the tell-tale whistle of a bullet zipping through the air. I swivel to the left with my gun and look for the insurgent. I can’t see anyone but the bullet buries itself in the left shoulder of Waites across the way from me. We were fucking set up. I swing my gun back around and that’s when it happens, I hear the bullet and feel it explode into my lower left thigh at the same time blood spews from my friend, Goodwin’s head who had crouched beside me when I stood to look for the shooter. My leg gives out and I instantly drop down into the dirt to where I’m level with Goodwin’s face and it’s obvious, he was killed instantly. His eyes are still opened and he has a massive wound to the head. Anthony. Fuck. His girlfriend is expecting a baby girl in a few months. My leg is burning from the inside out but my adrenaline spike helps me ignore the pain and I grab my gun and instantly start shooting towards the rooftop where I believe the sniper might be. I hear Brown screaming before I realize he’s got Waites against the building and is yelling into the radio for help. I watch as insurgents start coming out of the building we were casing and I start taking them out. Lowell goes down. Setas is either hurt or attempting to provide aid to Lowell. I can’t tell but I never stop shooting. Ramirez is also trying to find the source of the ambush with his own gun. Bullets are flying, many from my own gun as I empty the clip into the only building the sniper could have been on, Browns pleas for backup, along with Waites heavy gurgling breaths fill my ears. I feel a hand on my arm and flinch.

            “Austin! Captain…Captain Syverson. Look at me.” Two hands on either side of my face help me focus in. “St..Stand down. You are safe, the threat has been eliminated. Your superiors have given orders to return to base for further instruction. Do you understand?” 

I blink against the water that’s dripping down my face. Emma?

“My men. The injured men in my unit. Where?”

“They are at base getting medical. Captain, I need you to confirm that you understand me.”

I blink and then nod slowly. “Roger that.” I mutter distractedly. I look around. I’m in the backyard of my house, leaning against the brick exterior in my underwear. I have my pistol tucked in the back of the waistband of my boxers and I’m wearing the boots I leave by the back door. In my hands I’m clutching my old hunting rifle that I keep on the top shelf of my closet. Shit. I’ve done it again. I’ve had a PTSD nightmare, but this is so much worse because Emma is here to witness it. I look over at her. She’s crouching on her knees in front of me wearing nothing but my water-soaked t-shirt and panties while she’s barefoot in the mud. Water is dripping from the ends of her hair from the rain that’s pouring down on us. She looks terrified and concerned. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry.” My throat aches either from unshed tears or maybe I was yelling earlier.

“Austin, baby, are you back?”

I nod. “Emma, I’m so sorry.” I mutter as tears mix with the rain that drips down my face. This is what I was afraid would happen if I got close to her. If I let her in. I would relax and then my past would quite literally present itself.

“Baby, don’t be. You’re okay, we’re okay.” She tells me as she reaches towards my face that’s now aimed at the ground.

“Aika?” 

“I left her inside. I know you said she could help but I wasn’t able to tell if your rifle was loaded and I didn’t want her startling you and there being an accident.” 

Jesus. She was afraid I’d shoot my own dog, because she’s right, I was nowhere near my right mind. Here we are over six months since my last flashback yet this was the most involved PTSD episode I’ve ever had. Thank fuck I keep my ammunition locked and separate from my guns for situations like this. 

She stands and reaches to help me up but I can’t let her help me stand. My leg feels as though it has been shot just yesterday but that could be a result of me crouching on my knees in freezing rain outside in the middle of the night, not just the psychological pain from my flashback. 

“Come on baby.” She takes the rifle from my hand and I don’t protest. I follow her silently back to the house. The air conditioning on our soaked skin has both of our bodies covered in goose bumps. Aika bounds to me whining and crying and I sit down in a chair from the table and run my hands through her thick fur. I bury my face into her back and focus on breathing. My palm clutches my leg that’s radiating phantom pain from where I got shot. Emma appears next to me with a towel but hesitates. 

“Can I help you clean up a bit?” She gestures with the towel.

I nod and she leans down and starts wiping the mud off of my legs. 

“Sugar, I…”

“Baby, nothing needs to be said. I’m okay, and you are going to be. Would you take a warm shower with me?” I look at her and want to just burst into tears. How is she so kind and understanding after what I just did? After what I could have done?

“Please?” She urges and I nod. I follow her to the master bathroom and watch as she turns the water on. Aika stays close and sits down behind me in the bathroom floor. I have no idea what time it is in the night or early morning or how long she’s been awake dealing with me. Emma pulls out two fresh towels for us and then whips the sodden shirt off of her torso before removing her panties. She looks at me and then slowly and gently eases my soaked boxer briefs down my legs before taking my hand and pulling for me to get in the shower. Once I step in, steam surrounds me and I take a deep breath. I’m exhausted, flashbacks always take the energy out of me and it’s not like I’ve been sleeping great this past week. Emma begins lathering a wash cloth with soap and gently starts cleaning me. I stand there perfectly still and let her do what she wants as I attempt to think of anything that I could say to make this situation better. I’m aching with embarrassment. Once she washes me, she quickly washes herself before turning around and caressing her hand on my cheek. She leans down and picks up my wrists that were laying limp by my sides and wraps them around her waist before putting her own around my neck. My eyes are aimed down focusing on the suds swirling around the shower drain.

“Baby, look at me.” She says with the sincerest and worried look on her face and that’s when my resolve breaks. I bury my face into her neck as the hot tears stream from my eyes. I can’t seem to stop them and I ache when I hear myself let out a sob that sounds so painful and broken even to my own ears. Emma tightens her arms around me and guides me back to the bench that we once used for a much different form of intimacy. Emma curls herself around me and holds me tightly while I fully break down. Once my breath starts to come easier, I carefully pull my head from her shoulder and try to clean my face up.

“Let’s dry off and lay down.” She says as she turns off the water and starts toweling me off. I gently take the towel from her, not wanting to be babied but not wanting to seem ungrateful. Once we dry off, Emma hands me some boxers and she tosses on a dry shirt and panties on before we sit on the bed. It’s silent and I feel like I have to say something.

“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be thinkin’ but I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I woke you, scared you and I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I completely understand if this is the last time I see you.” I say quietly and she looks shocked.

“Austin, I’m not going anywhere. This is what relationships are about. Holding each other through the good and bad. I’m not scared and you’re not fucked up. You’re haunted and although I don’t know the details of it, I want to help you through it. Even if you don’t want my help, I’m not leaving you.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this. I should be better. I survived, Damnit! I shouldn’t have any problems. Goodwin, Lowell, Waites, they are the ones who died. I just got shot in my stupid fucking leg after leading them to their deaths!” I sob.

“You are allowed to have problems. Their deaths are hard on you but you are not responsible for it. I don’t know what happened, but I know it’s not your fault.”

“The informant set us up, we were ambushed. Goodwin, God. Goodwin got shot right in front of me. I watched the life drain from his eyes. He has a little girl that he’s never met. If I had questioned the mission from my superiors or done more digging on the informant, they would all be alive right now. I had to look at their family members at their funerals and I’ll never forget the grief from their loved ones. Goodwin’s pregnant girlfriend, Lowell’s widow, Waites’ mom. I still see them sobbing over their caskets in my mind. I didn’t deserve to live when they didn’t get too.” I finally say out loud. I take deep breaths attempting to calm my body from going into another spiral.

“Bear.” Emma reaches for me.

“It’s been years and I still get like this. Hell, it might be getting worse. I don’t think this is something I’ll just get over. I’m too fucked up, Emma. You deserve someone who doesn’t have these types of demons.” My eyes blink heavily.

“You are not fucked up. I deserve you because you treat me better than I’ve ever been treated before.” My eyes droop and I know it’s a result of the flashback. When I have them, my body goes through the trauma all over again so when the adrenaline finally stops coursing through my body, I basically crash.

“Love, you look exhausted. Can you try to sleep for me?” She asks and gently pushes for me to lay down. My head is resting between her breasts as she lays back on her back. We’ve never laid like this before but it’s comforting.

“I’m right here, I’m not leaving. Aika’s here and so is Mills.” She tells me while caressing my head but my eyes are already closed, too heavy to fight staying open longer. I wrap my arm around her waist and within moments, I’m deeply asleep soothed by the steady rhythm of Emma’s heartbeat as she caresses my scalp.

Part 11

Taglist: @shellyshellshell, @henryownsme, @caramariehurst, @beck07990, @mollymal, @kingliam2019, @syversonswife, @identity2212, @starfirewildheart, @hannah9921, @wa-ni, @kneelforloki, @cutedoxie, @enchantedbytomandhenry, @foxyjwls007, @geralts-yenn, @courtlynwriter, @corrie1013, @squeezyvalkyrie, @summersong69, @livisss, @mayloma, @uunotheangel, @warriormirkwood

[gen4grl]

here are my hc’s surrounding characters with scars or tattoos! i feel like most seasoned trainers have some sort of scarring so i kept it to ones that directly affect their character + how they got them plays a large role in their life. a bit of angst sprinkled in cause i can’t help myself lmao

scars within the dragon clans are almost seen as a rite of passage for a trainer. lance’s is by far the biggest with two large gashes on his upper body; one across his chest and the other being on his abdomen. he got them in his very early 20’s at the lake of rage. because of the placement and his more modest/traditional way of dressing, most people beside family have never seen them.

blue has small scars scattered across his left cheek leading up to his temple with the most prominent one being a slit in his eyebrow from his childhood. doctors always told him it was a miracle he didn’t loose his vision because of it. only his close family, red and leaf know how he actually got them as he tells the general public they were acquired via a harsh training session.

silver, similar to blue, has a scar on his face that stretches from his lip to beside his nose from a incident involving team rocket as a older teenager. however unlike blue, silver is quite open to how he acquired the wound, very much as a “fuck you” to team rocket.

dawn has a giant gash that nearly wraps around her upper right thigh from a carnivine attack in hisui. the scar remained on her leg upon her return to sinnoh - a very conflicting & painful constant reminder of everyone she left behind and the trauma she experienced in ancient sinnoh.

40% of leons body is covered in burns from eternatus. the scars mostly spread from his left arm and chest but are as high as his neck and down to his waist. after his initial recovery period, he found it difficult to look at himself in the mirror as the person looking back at him didn’t match the leon persona he spent so long curating.

as for tattoos

both adaman and irida have large tattoos, a tradition passed through clan leaders. both portray the clans individual belief of what almighty sinnoh is believed to look like while also showing each clans respective nobles. adamans reaches from his left arm to chest while iridas stretches across her back.

cynthia has a large back piece that goes down across her spine. truthfully i haven’t worked a lot on this hc but i’m thinking it would be text from the old verses that was passed down in her family from the ancient celestica people.

[manjuhitorie]

Interview with Shinoda(Hitorie) - Ongaku to Hito July 2024 Issue - English Translation

Pain, Never to Go Away

Interview by Usami Yasuyo

2024 has brought Hitorie’s 10th year anniversary with it, along with the 5 year milestone of their current regime. The pillar of the band, wowaka, passed away in 2019, leaving the grieving trio to reform the band. Their newest single, “On the Frontline/Senseless Wonder[ReRec]”, features a modern iteration of a song previously written by wowaka, on top of one song written by each member, Yumao (drums), ygarshy (bass) and Shinoda (vocals/guitar) respectively. They are by no means going against the current structure of their band, they are rather stalwart souls in regards to ensuring that nobody forgets Hitorie’s origins. That they want to remain as four forever more—That’s the exact kind of emotions poured into their new numbers. I sat down with Shinoda to talk about his current perspective come Hitorie’s milestones, thus did he reveal details about his past trauma and his low self-esteem. Afflicted with a pain that fails to ever go away, they press on. What is it like to be in his shoes?

So, Hitorie is now 10 years old… how does that feel, what’s your verdict on the matter?

Shinoda: If it’s been 10 years since our studio debut then that marks year 5 of Hitorie’s metamorphosis. Did leader really leave us 5 years ago? Then that means… have I really been singing for 5 whole years? My mind is swirling. Along the way there was also was a 2-3 year period wherein we couldn’t operate as good old rockers due to the pandemic either so, to be honest it doesn’t feel as if 10 years have passed at all. It all just feels so complicated, and strange.

Do you mean that in regards to becoming the frontman as well?

Yeah. Since about a year ago we’ve been graciously given a fair amount of opportunities to perform in festivals and joint concerts. Thanks to them I’ve been able to watch a bunch of shows and analyse a variety of different frontmen, and you could say that slowly but surely the realization finally hit me: that “Hey, I also stand right up there too.” Up until that point I could never really get the reality that I stand center stage through my head.

You seem so ready to be the focus of attention though, I sense no hesitation in your shows and music.

Of course I’m prepared to do what needs to be done, but on the flip side for a long time I had this itch in the back of my mind that maybe I was somehow only convincing myself and pretending that I was the frontman all along. Like just telling myself “Yeah, you’re the totally the frontman, sure buddy.” I was trying to galvanize myself in a way too though, offering myself words of encouragement. Words strong enough to make me believe “Yeah, I can keep this up.” Nowadays we’re putting on heaps and heaps of shows, but the more we do it the more my weaknesses, or rather my shortcomings, become evident. Of course I’m also improving more and more with every show as well but, there’s still so much more I could be doing better.

When do you specifically feel your weaknesses and shortcomings become evident?

It all boils down to my skill level as a singer, plain and simple. The problem is that I feel I’m still a weak vocalist. I’m constantly comparing myself to people who are way cooler than me as well. Such as Maki-kun from Vanillas (Maki Tatsuya from go! go! vanillas), I just think he’s so cool whenever I see him, and I can’t help but worry how I pale in comparison.

I think there’s no reason to compare yourselves, you and Maki as counterparts both possess things each other don’t.

Hmm, I’m not so sure about that. Or maybe it’s just the way I am. My self-worth is inherently in the pits. As soon as someone or something cool catches my attention, I can’t help but immediately start comparing them to myself. A short while ago I saw the band “Mo’Some Tonebender” in Arabaki, and they were of exceptional nature, their coolness was off the charts. It made me cast doubts on myself like “I wonder if I’ll able to put on an act of their caliber when I’m that age too.” Or when it comes to the younger crowd, such as Akiyama Kiiro, when I saw his concert I thought “Wow he’s incredible, I don’t think I was nearly so capable back when I was that age.” My brain always makes it all about me and jumps straight to the negative. Yet nevertheless at the same time I do also sometimes catch myself wondering “Is there even anyone else fit to be Hitorie’s frontman?” For, it’s partly because I’m the type who suffers from anxiety that I’m able to make music. So, provided that I’m in a band, it’s practically a given for me to live hand in hand with anxieties.

On the same note as anxieties, you once before said that you feel you don’t have a clear-cut, singular core essence to yourself. Is this still the case?

Hmm, I think I’ve since changed a little bit. Last year we made an album titled “PHARMACY”, and for the promo tour we fashioned merchandise. Among them I had designed this cat plush, all just for kicks, yet somehow it took off. It started selling like hotcakes. This strange incident made something click for me (laughs). The plush has since been dubbed “Pharmacy Cat” as well. So after I heard that it was flying off the shelves, I had a revelation: now I know that I’m at the very least someone capable of selling cat plushies.

It raised your self esteem (laughs). I’m in awe that it wasn’t a song or a concert that was the catalyst, but rather a plush doll.

Yeah (laughs). Whenever I see that plush, it patches up the deficits in my heart. For I used to have nothing that stood out as “me” before.

I never got that impression though. When I read the lyrics of your song “On the Frontline”, specifically the lyrics “Get even stronger, I heard a voice say/Stuck in a world with no concept of right or wrong/My one and only heart/I give it whole to the things I want to protect”, they remind me of the exact way you, Shinoda, seem to throw yourself into the fray for the people you care about.

Excuse me, me?

Yes. That could be the reason why you were plagued with such stress 5 years ago, and why you had felt so pressured to take up the mantle to save the band. The song may have been written to be the opening song for the anime “Mushoku Tensei” but the lyrics really do feel like Shinoda manifest.

Those specific lines you mentioned, those had just popped out onto my paper thoughtlessly, earnestly, and with 0 stress involved. Maybe I actually am the kind of guy you mentioned, but, deep down part of me still feels like me being the frontman of Hitorie is just imprudent. I’ll forever be weighed down by the question of whether or not it’s okay for someone like me to receive as much charity as I do.

What exactly are you referring to by “charity”?

Being allowed to exist amongst the big names of the music industry, or sometimes being adored by my juniors, and things like that. “Should this really be happening to someone like me?” I often think. The more it keeps happening and happening, the more I want to meet their expectations; the more I’m flooded with the feeling I need to give something back. So maybe if you unravel it all far enough, the fact that I care too much for people might be at the root of it all.

What do you believe is the reason your self-value is so low?

Back in my 20s, before I joined Hitorie, I was doing music in Nagoya…

You were the vocalist for an indie band, correct?

Yes. In the end it all molded me into who I am today but, back then my music wasn’t received very well, and I felt I wasn’t loved nor needed by anyone.

I can tell you’re not the type to stay optimistic and bide your time in hopes that someone will fancy your songs one day.

Hmm. Back then I was not. I’m not a very wise person, and I wasn’t especially in a situation wherein I could take a step back and view things from a bigger perspective, I was kind of driven into a corner. So nowadays when people tell me that they’re fans of my old songs, such as Akiyama Kiiro, it makes me feel like “Wow, so everything does come back around and does serve a purpose, there was meaning to it after all.” It’s just the time investment required to finally get to this step is a lengthy one, that’s for sure.

The results aren’t immediate.

Exactly, exactly.

So after working with Hitorie, your self-esteem issues began to ease up?

Yeah, they totally did. Previously when Hitorie was a quad piece I stood on the stage as the lead guitarist, but prior to that I was composing all my songs and lyrics by myself on top of singing them all by myself in Nagoya. I was on the verge of my breaking point, at that point I couldn’t stand music that laid myself bare anymore. Until, upon joining this crazy band named “Hitorie” and becoming their guitarist, a large margin of my anxieties eased up. I was finally able to break away from 100 capacity venues, and somehow along the way turned into a rocker allowed on to bigger stages.

You have since returned to making songs that lay yourself bare, and singing them yourself as well. How does that make you feel?

Part of me thinks as if this is my karma, at the end of the day I can’t escape it. However, to be honest, my desire to sing and write songs never fully diminished even back when Hitorie was still complete, and deep down I had always hoped I would be able to do so. The only problem is the shape and form in which my desire came to a reality.

It truly does seem to be something you just can’t run away from.

Is this that thing people call fate? It circles around in the most twisted of ways. Life really is heavier than I ever could’ve imagined, when I think about.

You wrote a song for your newest single as well, and I would like to hear about your insights on it but, first before that there’s one point of interest I would like to touch upon. There’s 4 songs on the single, each written by all 4 members of Hitorie, including wowaka. Was this on purpose?

Yes. We came up with this idea in the early stages. We didn’t want to release just any old single, we wanted to take the medium called the CD and turn it into something with more oomph, more flair. Thus came the discussion of how to achieve this feat, and what you see today is the solution we conjured up. If we’re going to bring something into this world, then it needs to have a good reason and purpose. Which tied into how it’d be a problem if people forgot everything the four of us did together.

I see. The song you composed is named “Sakura no Itsuka”, and the lyrics speak candidly on your feelings about wowaka.

After we decided on our vision for the CD, the only one who didn’t have a song ready was me. I do have a stash of WIP songs which I could’ve pulled from but I instead opted to create a track from scratch. One which would represent the “resolution” part of the dramatic structure, with each of the 4 tracks respectively representing the beginning, development, climax, and resolution. For I thought it would be an effective means to strengthen the CD’s power and purpose, as I mentioned before, and to give it good justification for existing amongst our discography. I’ve written quite a few songs that tackle my feelings over losing wowaka now, that delve into means for us to cope and move on. Starting with curved edge…

That would be the first song Hitorie released as a trio.

Yes. But, unlike that single, this one has a 4 songs each written by all 4 of us so… I’m not sure the right way to articulate this but like, I felt that I couldn’t let the closing track on such a structured single just be run of the mill. I contemplated long and hard as to what exactly would be appropriate. After all that though, in the end I don’t think the song I wrote would appeal much to a special somebody (laughs).

Hahaha. What caused you to assume that?

I dunno, just a sixth sense (laughs). I just have a hunch that he wouldn’t care for the song very much. That he wouldn’t especially want to be written about nor seen in this light. For at the end of the day it’s nothing but an unelaborate ballad, to put it bluntly.

The lyrics are straightforward as well. “Yet again, a song you would probably hate/Keeps polluting the city/And yet a song you would probably love is something that we just can’t write/Something we could never write” gets to the heart of the matter, and from but a glance it’s obvious that the “you” in the lyrics must be referring to wowaka.

If he himself could hear the lyrics, I could just imagine him saying “Shinoda what happened to your alternative rock soul?” or “This isn’t like you at all?” (Laughs). “But, I can explain, everything’s been translated into the J-rock band format!” I would say back. I even refrained from overdubbing the guitar as much as possible too (laughs)! Yet the fact of the matter is that I up and used the man named wowaka as my muse. I’m worried, burdened by the fact that I’m practically expending his existence- and his absence both.

I wonder if anyone out there feels the same way though. From a third person perspective, as someone who has watched you become a wonderful frontman over the past 5 years and listened to the music you’ve created along the journey, I find it difficult to believe you’re “expending” his name, or to see it in that such cynical light.

I think there definitely are indeed people out there who think that way. To each his own, different strokes for different folks y’know. So l understand if people come to resent me over the song, so be it, I totally get it, it’s bound to happen. Yet nevertheless my wish to bring this song into the world and have it be heard no matter what won over all my concerns. What’s most important to me is for people to never forget that Hitorie was once the four of us.

[st3rll1nk]

Period Comfort (2/?)

Synopsis: You’re on your period. How does your girlfriend help you during this difficult time?

Rating: Multi-Characters (Serval, Sliver Wolf, and Bronya) x Afab Reader, Sfw, and Fluff.

Serval

Serval would be very helpful yet worried about yourself being a lot. Especially if you have a very intense cycle, she’ll be on your case all the time. She’ll get you whatever you want; like snacks, and cuddles. She’ll sing songs to you to help calm you from your cramps. If she’s also on her cycle, she’ll be a bit quiet but loving as usual. She recognizes she needs to take care of herself for you and would absolutely do that for you not to worry. Both of you guys would likely depend on each other and be together more.

Serval places your favorite drink and looks at you as you do some paper work in your personal office at your shared home. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Serval asks for who knows how many times. “Yes.. I’m just alright, Serval. You worry too much-” Before you could continue, you dropped your pen on your pen and winced in pain from another cramp. Serval frowned at your pain and grabbed your hand. “You’re obviously not okay. Forget the work and let’s just go to bed, hm?” By now, you would make some stubborn remarks but with how in pain you were, you obliged and went along with Serval, hand in hand.

Sliver Wolf

Sliver Wolf would pretend to be annoyed about it but, is secretly worried about you. If you ask or want anything, she’ll give it to you in a grumpy manner. If you need any kind of affection, she’ll have you sit in her lap as she played video games; occasionally rubbing your stomach while mumbling how needy you are. But, she’s really the needy one. If you get emotional at her comments in anyway from your hormones, she’ll feel very guilty and mumble a apology while focusing her attention on you. If she’s at her cycle with you, she’ll be very grumpy and needy of you. Really needy. The type that’ll straddle you to your shared bed for who knows how long. Best to go into her demands.

You buried your face into Sliver Wolf’s neck as she held you close to her with one arm as she played yet another video game. She sighed, glancing at you and then her game. “You’re so needy. You should be glad I’m even having you on my lap.” She mumbled under her breath, burying the side of her face onto your hair as she played. “Mhm.. Yeah, I’m ‘oh so’ very glad..” You whispered, knowing it was quite the opposite. Sliver Wolf rolled her eyes at that sarcastic comment. “Ugh.. whatever..” She scoffed, kissing your forehead for a brief moment before going back to her game.

Bronya

Bronya would definitely panic. Not enough to make it noticeable on her face but enough that you can slightly tell in her voice. With you, it’s harder to hide. You’re her weak spot! It’s not like she doesn’t know what to do, it’s more about the things you would want. She doesn’t want to mess up! She’s a leader and it’s very much shown in how she helps. She’ll ask and give you whatever you need even if she’s busy or not. She’ll let you sit in her lap, cuddle, and do whatever you want. Might even try to work from your shared home to be with you. She just cares about you too much to mess anything up for you and is very noticeable in her actions. If she also gets in sync with you, she’s definitely staying home with you. She had heavy cramps yet would still act like the hero for you. She’ll crave affection from you yet would feel bad asking something that you might force yourself to do for her! She needs it. Badly.

“Bronya.. Are you sure you’re okay?” You asked as Bronya sat up from your shared bed. Coincidentally, both of you were on your cycle. And, her cramps were.. very heavy. And, Bronya was making some hot chocolate you requested from your cravings in the kitchen. But, Bronya just smiled; which came out as more of a forced grin. It was. “Yes, (Name), I’m just fine.. Just go to our-” Before Bronya could talk any more, you turned off the stove from behind her. You wrapped your arms around her waist and you pulled a few steps back gently from the stove. “Bronya. You’re in pain. I could’ve just made it myself. All you had to do was say it.” You whispered in her ear, rubbings small circles with your thumbs on her waist. Bronya sighed, feeling guilty. All she wanted to do was just to make you happy! “I.. I know, (Name). Sorry..” Bronya replied, knowing you were right against her stubbornness. You sighed and spoke, “It’s alright, Bronya. How about I finish the rest and you head back to our room, hm?” You asked in her ear. Bronya nodded, going back to her room with a lipstick-print lips on her cheek and a soft smile on her lips.

authors note: hey hoped you like it! serval was very hard to write and a bit rushed so sorry if this wasn’t up to your interpretation of her. requests r always open and dm me if u have any writing improvements!

[beforeitrains]

Do you have any Kai and Hiyori headcanons you've been thinking about that may not necessarily fit into the fic you are writing?

Wow, thank you so much for asking this! I’m gonna ramble a bit about how their story plays out in my head. Hopefully, it will make sense in the end. Sorry, this is long.

Alright, so after watching Kai’s story, I’ve got the impression that Asunaro has some cult-like qualities. Like they’ve got science, but there’s also an irrational religious element to their hierarchy. Spiritual leaders can do almost anything, group mentality keeps everyone in check. So I would guess that the Hiyori clan is Asunaro royalty, while the Satous are from a more humble assassin class. These families were never equals, but the relationship between them was polite and civil in the beginning. Momdori would pay Gashu regular visits, and sometimes little Sou would tag along. Whenever that happened, Gashu would bestow Kai with the utmost important task of entertaining the young guest. Even at the age of 8-9, Kai was an extraordinarily obedient, calm and patient child. Unlike other Asunaro kids, he was able to handle Sou’s (~6-7 years old) violent tendencies and intrusive curiosity, considering this challenge to be a part of his assassin training. He introduced Sou to different games, dodged an occasional knife attack aimed at his back, even stopped the younger boy from chopping off a finger or from setting himself on fire.

Sou never caught on that Kai was mostly being nice to him to win father's approval. He adored the older boy to the point of drawing the two of them holding hands, getting married, dissecting people together. Occasionally, Momdori would find those pictures, and her eyebrows would furrow in parental concern. But mostly she’d tell herself that as long as she followed the will of the organization, God would guide her son.

The play dates soured after Sei became part of the Satou family. Sei had zero patience for Sou's antics. And since Sei was older and stronger, their very first game ended with hurt feelings and knocked out milk teeth. Subsequently, Sei perished during the Assassin Game. Gashu's mind started to crumble under pressure. And Kai was faced with the reality of who the Hiyoris actually were and just how much power they wielded. 

So when Sou appeared at Kai’s door with a smug smile, hoping to reconnect with his playmate, things did not go well. Kai summoned all the icy sternness he had inherited from Gashu, going so far as to let Sou know that he never liked him to begin with. Hearing this sent the younger boy running home in tears.

This is the part I’m not sure about. Kai and Sou could have just cut contact, which would have lead to misunderstandings and hatred in the future (1). Alternatively, their relationship could have become more detached and formal (2). I started off writing (1), but (2) would be more realistic, probably, since the two of them likely had classes and other activities together with the rest of Asunaro kids. So let's go with (2).

During the following years, Kai likely got to witness Sou's character go from troubling to monstrous. At school, Sou would scheme against older and more popular kids and use his younger, weaker classmates mercilessly for his own benefit. The influence of Momdori on Sou's character was probably huge during this period (we know from her convos with Gashu that she was deceitful and manipulative). Finally, if we’re to believe that Kai started his assassin training in elementary school, then it is likely that Sou was on his way to become an Asunaro businessman by junior high. 

Now Kai had lots of pain to deal with during his teenage years and early adulthood. His brother was dead. His father was becoming mentally frail and vulnerable. He was starting to question the system he’s been raised to honor. But perhaps he did try to reach out to Sou at some point, in hopes of stopping the younger man from spiraling. Hopefully, after many years apart, they’ve managed to regain some of the shattered trust. Nevertheless, for Sou, the process of “giving up humanity” was already under way, and he would not turn back. Somewhere a contract has already been signed, the date has been set, and the will of the organization was not to be questioned. Maybe, on the night before the operation Sou confided in Kai that he was scared. Maybe, Kai urged Sou to reconsider his decision. Still, the next day Sou was decapitated, and the doll/AI head was attached to his human body. I imagine it was presented as a sacred ritual, a rebirth of sorts, with some high-ranking Asunaro members present at the scene. Kai was too low-rank to attend. He spent that day cooking for his dad and playing board games with himself.

Ok, I’ll stop here. These are my rough thoughts rn. There’s probably lots of inconsistencies, and I might change my mind on some details later on, haha. But I do like the idea of them sharing some important moments, even though they wouldn't refer to each other as friends.

[arrow487356]

MOTLEY CRUE AS HYBRIDS BF HEADCANNONS pt 1

Tommy & Nikki (terror twins)

Warning these are my head cannons and they could be wrong to you but no getting mad. You could tell me what you would change in the comments. I’m sorry if you get mad.

16+ stuff will be red

TOMMY LEE

He gives me hyper dog vibes. The stories that I hear about him and the videos of him that i see make my brain place him as a dog hybrid.

As a dog hybrid he’s very protective over who he loves so if you come to him crying who ever hurt you will end up at the hospital. He is very very clingy and sometimes will just skip practice to just cling onto you. If you have periods, when you’re on your period he will be very careful and will keep you in bed and will help you around if needed.

He doesn’t know that having a orgasm can help with cramps, but when he finds out, expect loving sex or him just fingering you, and if he’s in the mood eating you out, if you’re okay with it also.

He isn’t the brightest bulb so when he learns new things from you his world is blown half the time. When he learns more things about you he will always remember them (by putting them into a notebook) and using them to make you happy.

He loves you so so so much that sometimes when he goes on tour and you couldn’t come with, he called you at least 10 times a day.

Also like I mentioned hyper dog vibes… very very hyper boy. He plays drums a shit ton but when he can’t do that he makes a mess in the house in his dog form or even in his human form chasing you around the house. After that he cleans up apologizing multiple times. After the fifth time you got him an at home drum set.

NIKKI SIXX

Nikki gives me dog vibes also, but almost all of them do, besides mick, but he’s on a different post. Nikki is a lot like a dog to me but also I’d say a wolf since he’s like the leader. He can be serious at times, and when he gets mad there’s a bite to it.

Him being a wolf means just like Tommy, very protective, but he’s also territorial. So if he smells another man on you, he will either find that man or he rubs his scent all of you… nothing else 😉.

He does almost the same stuff as Tommy if you have a period but he takes more of the housewife role. He doesn’t let you leave the bed except when you go to the bathroom, even if you just want to walk he doesn’t want you to move since he doesn’t want you to get anymore hurt, he makes you food gets you pain meds, he’s very gentle with you it’s like you’re a piece of glass.

He has extreme strength so he’s very careful with you to begin with, and if he ever hurts you he’s going to distance himself moving away quickly and looking at you with panic eyes and in a split second he’s gone, out of the room and in hiding. You’ll have to reassure him a lot to even get to see him. But like mick animal self, you’ll have to wait and see what else would happen.

BOTH

Some things about them that they both do

They both have a shit ton of hair so their hair is a mess, if you ever want to you can brush their hair (that’s a good head cannon post also)

They both have sharp canines so if you go a bit too far and make their more animal side come out… you might want to get ready for a bite to the shoulder. It’s a claiming bite just to calm down their animal side.

Chew toys for both. Even though they are part human. They still have those animal instinct to bite shit so either have a chew toy or get ready for chewed up things.

TREATS!!!!

Anyways that’s it, have a good day. I might post tomorrow but I don’t know yet.

[thebluestbluewords]

*Insert Pingu card meme here*

Not quite a Valentine's day fic, but something like one, maybe. Mal & Carlos, shippy if you squint. ~1600 words.

&lt;3

“Valentine’s is…fun.” Carlos says doubtfully. 

“That’s what literally everyone says, yeah.” Mal repeats. “Fun. Because it’s a day about feelings.  And people here like to talk about their feelings.” 

“And it’s fun.” Carlos echoes back, sounding even more mystified about the whole concept. “Having feelings.” 

Mal has lots of fun feelings. She has rage, and anger, and sometimes a terrible hot feeling that bubbles up in her chest and makes her want to scream until everyone around her runs away forever and leaves her alone to die. “Look, I don’t know. Evie told me today that everyone here says it’s fun, and we need to make sure we’re not sticking out. And all the girls in third period were talking about how they’re so excited to tell everyone how much they love them, and Audrey was all, like, ‘buy your Valentine’s chocolate from the SGA table to support my school wide empire on fun’ and honestly I sort of tuned out after she started talking so I don’t actually know if there’s anything else to this stupid holiday.” 

Carlos makes a face that might be trying not to laugh. Or possibly trying not to sneeze. It’s hard to tell. “You heard that there’s feelings, and chocolate, and a chance to humiliate Audrey, and decided that obviously we have to make it a magical day for everyone?” 

Mal also heard that there’s going to be a chocolate fountain at lunch in honor of the holiday, but she’s keeping that part to herself for now. “Pretty much,” she agrees. “Throw me the glue.” 

“Do we get chocolate?” Carlos asks as he stretches up to pass Mal the glue. It means that he has to let go of one side of the ladder, which doesn’t feel entirely great from Mal’s vantage point standing on the tips of her toes on the very top step, but it’s fine. If she falls off at least she won’t have to go to class tomorrow. 

“Of course that’s the part you focus on,” Mal huffs, stretching down to snag the bottle of glue from his fingertips. “And yes, if you’re a very good little boy, we can steal Audrey’s student government chocolate as soon as her back is turned.” 

“I could take offense at that,” Carlos says slowly, returning to his place at the base of the ladder. “I could take it by myself and not share any with you.” 

“But you won’t,” Mal sing-songs, spreading a thin layer of glue over the blades of the classroom fan. Details are essential in wicked schemes, and she didn’t earn an A- in Scheming and Wickedness because she forgot the details, like making sure her magical mess is going to be a maximum pain in the royal behind to clean up. “Because you—Hey!” 

The base of the ladder wobbles again, just for an instant. 

Carlos looks up at her, face blank and innocent. “Did you need something?” 

Ugh, boys. 

“You undying devotion to the cause,” Mal snaps, shaking the bottle of glue in a vaguely threatening manner. “And your support on the base of this death trap, come on. If I fall off this ladder and break my neck I’m going to tell everyone you’re the one responsible for this.” 

“I’m already an accessory to your crime,” Carlos says placidly, but he’s holding on to the ladder again, so it really doesn’t matter what he thinks about the supposed legal system of Auradon Prep. Accessories to crime aren’t real when you’re a student, which Mal knows, because she’s read the student handbook. All students involved in mischief share punishment equally, in some sort of attempt at teaching them fairness that’s more misguided than the maps in wonderland.  “I don’t think a broken neck is really a likely outcome at this point anyway. And if you do break your neck from falling six feet down, I’ll just get all of the chocolate that would have been yours anyway. Really a win for me either way.” 

Mal will not laugh at her brilliant, wicked boy. Laughing will only encourage this sort of smart-ass behavior in the future, and as a leader in her school community, she is a pillar for goodness and upright moral behavior. 

Also, she’s afraid that if she laughs the ladder is going to break.  “Shut up and hold my ladder. If we make it through this alive I’ll get you your very own chocolate later. Legally gained.” 

Carlos, safe on the ground, does laugh. “Ugh, why?” he asks seriously. “Stolen food tastes better.” 

“Obviously,” Mal agrees. She’s actually going to murder someone over the stupid glue bottle designs. Stupid middle schoolers. If they hadn’t been caught doing glue shots at the back of the art classroom, Fairy Godmother wouldn’t have banned full size bottles from campus, and she wouldn’t be in this situation at all right now.  “But it’s not a very good gift if it’s stolen. I’m a good and moral citizen now, haven’t you heard?” 

“What if I’m evil and only take bribes in the form of stolen goods?” 

Mal throws up her hands, and the glue bottle with them. The thing stays firmly attached to her fingers. At least the glue inside it works, even if the bottle is a useless tiny piece of junk. “Fine then! But I’m taking it from Audrey, and you’re not getting it because of the holiday. I’m getting you chocolate because you’re a manipulative little rat bastard who is coercing me into acting as an accessory to your crimes.” 

Carlos grins. “Sure, keep telling yourself that, Malfeasance. Are you ready for the next bottle yet?” 

Mal plucks the glue bottle off her left hand and beans it down at his stupidly cute little curly head. “Yes. Step two, engage.” 

The industrial sized bottle of glitter was worryingly easy to procure. One little call to the craft supply warehouse, one school identification number from the back of their art textbooks, and a few little white lies later, five bottles of pastel pink glitter arrived in an unmarked package to Mal’s student locker. It’s really a security risk, how trusting the mailroom staff can be. She’s practically doing the school a favor. After this they’ll have to assess the contents of each and every package that all the students receive, and the mailroom staff will have more work to do. She’s creating jobs tonight, which is a good thing for the economy. Or something. Maybe if Economics wasn’t her final class of the day, and the classroom wasn’t so warm and comfortable for napping in, she would actually care. 

Whatever. Mal’s actions here tonight are an overall act of goodness that will increase the safety of the student population and therefore what she’s doing is a correct and proper thing and Fairy Godmother won’t be able to give her any crap about it later. 

Also, it’s going to be funny as hell to watch the glitter rain down the moment the fans turn on. 

“I think this one might be done!” Carlos calls up, coughing glitter out of his mouth. It’s possible that Mal could have been a little bit more careful with her placement. “If you wanna get down so I can move the ladder, I can take the bottle. Y’know, before you cover the floor too.” 

Mal flicks her final handful down over him, just for evil measure. 

“I think you’re done,” she calls back, shoving the cap back on the glitter bottle and dropping it down in the general direction of the floor. “With. Life.” 

“Ow,” Carlos calls back, voice completely flat. He catches the bottle that she’s dropped down to him though, which counts for a lot. “You’re not as cool as you think you are, dragon breath.” 

“I’m going to dump the leftovers of this in your shoes,” Mal says cheerfully, hopping down from the ladder now that the fan is fully coated, and there’s no longer glitter resting precariously below her feet. “You’re going to track it everywhere you go for months on end. The teachers are all going to know exactly where you’ve been each day and you’ll never be able to get it out of the treads.” 

“You would not.” 

“Would so!” Mal says brightly. “You’ve been getting too soft if you think I won’t.” 

Carlos rolls his eyes, but he’s already hefting the ladder up to move it to the next ceiling fan, so he can’t be too bothered.  “You won’t,” he says confidently. “Because we’re going to dump the leftovers through the slots on those lockers right by the second floor bathrooms.” 

Ooh, now there’s a thought Mal can get behind.

Next fan. Ladder down. Mal steps up. 

 “You’re thinking of the ones who won’t move their shit out of the hallway to let people by, right,” she asks, just to be sure. Details are essential, after all. “The same ones who clutch their little pink purses when we walk by? Not the ones by the stairs who won’t shut up about how we’re the downfall of proper society?” 

“Those’re the ones.” Carlos agrees. “The purse clutching feels worse somehow. Like, we’re not going to grab it out of their hands.” 

“Right.” 

“We’d totally steal their locker codes instead. Can’t fit a laptop in a purse, and I could use more scrap parts.” 

That’s it. 

“I’m rationing this so we can hit the ones on the third floor too,” Mal says, shaking the bottle of glitter with what she sincerely hopes is a menacing sort of look. She’s rusty. There’s not nearly enough chances for a proper wicked monologue at Auradon Prep. “You’re spared from the glittering for now, furball, but only because I’ve found a more deserving victim, not because you deserve better.” 

Carlos laughs. There’s glitter all over his face now, raining down from the handful that Mal threw into his hair, and he looks happier than… 

Happier than he’s been in a long time. 

Maybe there’s something to this whole valentine’s thing after all.

[silentsockfeet]

tlou hbo s1 ep5 thoughts (spoilers)

i don’t know why but i was surprised that the fedra overthrow happened so recently? in the fourth ep it seemed like it happened years ago and that kathleen had been running the militia group for a while

the parallel of henry telling sam to look at him and not at the rebel activity and joel saying the same thing to sarah in the first ep

reallyyy liked the line about ‘burning the bodies’ because of how it connects back to ep4, where one of the first shots of kansas city was of a giant pile of ash and bones. like you don’t think much of it in that moment beyond maybe like ‘oh shit something happened here’ so getting that extra layer feel very fulfilling

kathleen sitting and talking with all those prisoners caused me so much pain mostly because it reminded me of like every shitty know-it-all teacher with a superiority complex i had in middle/high school. but honestly it kind of works for the character like the fixation on doing what she wants and getting everyone else to fall in line,, idk it was just a genuinely terrifying characterization tbh and for that i liked it

i kinda wish they explained the relationship between perry and kathleen more, perry is literally ride or die for her but we have no idea why and it makes that side of the story feel a lot more emotionless than it could’ve been

i like the fact that sam is deaf in the show, mostly because it’s a new perspective on how people navigate the apocalypse. it was cool to see the different ways he communicates with people, or the ways he and henry have to adjust their actions to account for his lack of awareness. i do think it felt a little cheap in the sense that they only did it to make him rely more on henry, all of the important scenes with sam were the same as the game so it didn’t feel as if making him deaf enhanced those scenes.

absolutely LOVE this henry’s characterization. in the game he seemed way older for his age because he had more experience and was a lot more intense about things, like not letting sam play soccer and that sort of thing. but in the show he actually feels more like his age, maybe even a bit younger. he’s inexperienced, scared, immediately looks up to joel in almost a mentor-mentee way. he’s more lenient with just letting sam be a kid (and this could also be due to the fact that sam is younger here) which gives him a bit of his own child-like wonder. idk i just liked that they made him a bit lighter, a bit more earnest

the re’s all sorts of parallels in this ep i love it. henry having ellie and joel at gun point and he tells joel to look at him, not at sam, the same way marlene tells joel to point the gun at her, not at ellie. just the same drive towards protection

i don’t know why it never occurred to me that fedra could be like. worse or better depending on which qz you live in lol. like the games always characterized them as like a shit government period but never really went into nuance, so it wasn’t until the scene where joel and henry talk about it where it liked clicked to me that some could be worse than others. really makes the whole kansas city storyline feel a lot fuller now

“you ran into two clickers and you’re still alive” this line hurt so much. like he didn’t mean anything by it but he doesn’t realize that actually no they lost so much for it

ellie sticking close to sam, keeping an arm around him or giggling with him or whatever :’) they really nailed their friendship i’m so glad for it

the ish reference 🤌

i had my doubts about the kansas city / kathleen storyline after ep4 but i’m a lot happier with it now that we have more of the backstory. knowing that kathleen’s brother was the leader of the resistance and that on multiple accounts he was a genuinely good man makes all of kathleen’s and the milita group’s actions make a lot more sense. that plus the fact that the revolt happened only like a week ago and like yeah okay i get it now. still think they could’ve afforded an extra 10-15 min in the last ep just to flesh out KC more but at least we got something here

“i am a bad guy because i did a bad guy thing” love this line because it’s like the antithesis of tlou’s main themes, first the idea that there are no bad guys in this kind of world, and then also the idea that joel doesn’t care about good and bad, he cares about keeping ellie safe.

the infected scene was so fuckin sick, i was cheering the whole time!! i get why they’re a little stingy on showing them, it keeps the horror and suspense up and all, but i really do wish we could see more of them. and the bloater!!!! so cool!!!!!! when he killed perry using the same death animation from the game i got so fuckin hype lmfao

the running theme of the superheroes throughout this ep, and then the way it all ties into ellie seeing herself as the hero and thinking she’ll be able to save sam,,, it’s so good but so painful. i could write a whole post about ellie’s characterization and how all the threads connect together (her naivety, her fixation on violence, the way all these things contribute to her hero complex) but i won’t do it here. i just love that we’re getting to explore this more, i feel like the game has more emphasis on the idea that being the cure is an obligation for ellie, so having this side of it helps fill in the gaps for her motivations (and also sets up the foundation for pt2, but that is also a separate post)

also really the love the parallel of henry asking sam ‘do i look scared’ and sam shrugs as if to say ‘i mean yeah kinda’ but then at the end of the ep ellie asks sort of the same question of ‘do i NOT look scared?’ and sam says never and i just love the differences there

i’m not gonna say much on henry and sam’s death, other people have already shared my thoughts in better, more articulate posts than what i can write. while i do wish sam and henry had a happier ending i don’t really know how they could’ve changed the story without impacting that narrative beat. and while i wish that didn’t come at the expense of black people i can’t say i expected them to do anything different. just a small summary of my thoughts

overall did like this ep better than the last, tho the complaint about pacing feeling too fast is still there and sadly i’m expecting it to only get worse through the rest of the season :/

[zorkaya-moved]

Anyways, seems like I deleted my post with a basis for Persona 5 and I’m very sad about it. But basically:

I’m setting it up in P5R timeline / route. I’ll be including P5Strikers later after finishing watching the playthrough.

She is an international student from Russia who is in the second year of Shujin Academy despite being 18, all due to the fact that she turned 18 during summer period before coming to Shujin. She’s in the same class as Sakamoto Ryuji, not Ann and Joker. TBQH, still up to decide. Zarina as a genius can already easily get into any college but she’s just chilling with classes. So I’m trying to decide her year in school rn. International students usually are allowed to join second year of high school to give them time to get used to school and then third year is for entrance exams.

Zarina hasn’t been attending classes in the beginning of the school year up until post-Kamoshida’s change of heart due to ‘family matters’. Said ‘family matters’ happen to be dealing in shady dealings because she’s still coming from a criminal background. Specifically, being the daughter of a Russian mafia leader but, of course, it’s not common knowledge or something known to anyone aside from herself. She lives with her grandparents who are 98% absent from home as they are also extremely busy people but they are working in a hotel industry as owners of a hotel chains within Japan, they’ve been living in Japan and living ‘normal’ for decades after receiving their citizenship.

Zarina’s Arcana is Death. Her Persona is Morana, the Slavic goddess of winter and death. She is a double element character: Ice and Darkness (blocking both elements). She is weak against Fire. Basically, a more hardcore version of Yusuke in terms of battle experience.

She awakens her Persona not like all Phantom Thieves. Similarly to Akechi, it’s awakened off screen so to speak. Phantom Thieves after opening Mementos find her fighting shadows and come to her rescue. What’s later learned is that she was following the group and accidentally got herself trapped in Mementos. She refuses to join Phantom Thieves but offers them help with training and in exchange for helping her learn more about the meta world. She is able to join the party on certain days of the month but she is available for all days when needing to deal with Kaneshiro.

Speaking of Kaneshiro, real!Kaneshiro and Zarina actually knows each other and Zarina is the only person who was able to speak with him face to face without an issue due to her role in Japan and due to her being from a true dark background. Meaning, two criminals be speaking there. She actually scared Kaneshiro quite a lot which allowed her to get information on the dealings within Shibuya and gave her access to places others wouldn’t have.

Zarina travels through Mementos and Palaces alone on certain occasions to study the world and understand it’s dealings. Sometimes, when she states she isn’t going with the Phantom Thieves, she’s actually watching them and following them. Basically, she’s lying on certain occasions and just gathers intel.

Similarly to Akechi, she acts friendly and charming before others but actually is a far more apathetic and cold hearted individual. She’s the frigid prodigy so to speak, she’s a genius who hides her true nature for the sake of being underestimated and for the sake of using it for her advantage, which is something that starts to be ten times more prominent over the course of the game and through her Confidant alongside her battle style.

Zarina was forced to visit Maruki, where she proved herself to be someone in a very stable and calm state of mind but she did give Maruki the chills as they were speaking, the therapist noting how charming her distant Zarina has been during the session and how she refused to come in again. Just like Joker and Akechi, she withstood against Maruki’s change in the world, wishing to return everything back as a ‘happy life for everyone without pain’ is bullshit and she hates being controlled. And in her eyes, Maruki’s act is nothing but controlling and oppressive which is, well, her personal thing to do. Dominate and conquer. :’)

[sneezyminniejo]

My girl Haneul needs love 💞💞

And I'd like to request a Haneul request for her time of the month, and she feels bad as the leader taking a break and she has horrible cramps and she's really nauseous and tired and emotional and moody. But she's doing her best for her members.

Here it is, hope you enjoy

TW period

Santa Claus has Come to Town

Haneul had woken up to her alarm wishing that she didn’t need to get up yet. She had spent pretty much the entire night tossing and turning. In all honesty she probably only got an hour of sleep if that. She was the last one to wake up this morning and she sluggishly got ready for the day. She wasn’t feeling great, and she wasn’t entirely sure why. It wasn’t until she had begun to change her clothes that she realized why she wasn’t feeling well. She groaned as she grabbed a tampon and finished getting dressed.

Haneul wasn’t feeling any better by the time she finished getting dressed, but she wasn’t feeling any worse either. At least not until, she walked onto the living room and found that Christmas music was playing full volume on somebody's phone, with the other four belting along. How she hadn’t heard them until now, well she assumes they just started. Unfortunately, with the loud singing, Haneul realized that she also had a headache. Whether it’s from the lack of sleep or her getting her monthly, it really didn’t matter. She just wanted her members to quiet down. Instead of trying to get anyone’s attention, she just walked over to the light switch and turned off the lights. Joey grabbed their phone and turned off the music and everyone turned towards the leader.

“Can we keep it down please. I didn’t sleep last night and I have a headache.” Haneul didn’t say that she was on her period, in part that her household was her, her father, and three brothers, so she wasn’t used to outwardly talking about something like her monthly cycle. Also the fact that she’s now living with four other women, and all of them will be getting their periods. So she felt it would be a bit weird to complain about it.

Haneul had found that she wasn’t very hungry at breakfast and really only ate one piece of toast. She knew that she needed to go to practice today. The group’s debut was just around the corner, so they couldn’t afford any of them taking time off without due cause. The leader was finishing getting ready and was currently in the process of putting her shoes on, when Jihye stopped her.

“Unnie, would you like some tylenol for your headache?” The eldest asked, holding the small pill bottle. Haneul pinched the bridge of her nose before nodding her head. She truly did not understand why Jihye called all of them unnie, but no amount of correction seemed to work. It would be interesting to see how long it takes fans to realize that she is in fact the oldest and not the maknae. Haneul held out her hand and Jihye handed her a pill and a glass of water. “Thanks Ji unnie.” Haneul said before the group of five went out the door.

The group arrived at the dance studio and set up to begin working on the choreo for their title track. The choreographer already had everything planned out, but the group was still very much learning all of the moves. Unfortunately, today was one of the days that the choreographer wasn’t going to be in, so the group had to rely on the recording they had of the choreographer and other dancers employed by the company.

The five girls had only been dancing for about two and a half hours, when Haneul began feeling pain in her lower abdomen. She had hoped that the tylenol she had taken earlier would have helped, but her cramps were either just that painful, or the pain meds were beginning to wear off. The leader decided to call for a water break and sat down holding her side. Of course, it didn’t take long for the others to notice Haneul’s crouched figure.

“Unnie, are you okay?” Nari asked. Haneul nodded her head, but wasn’t very convincing.

“You’re obviously in pain Hannie. What hurts?” JJ asked

“I’m fine, unnie.” Haneul said as she stood up. Only the way she was slightly hunched over with her hand resting on her side was not the slightest bit convincing. Haneul sighed, she clearly wasn’t going to be able to brush off her symptoms. Her members were far too observant.

“I’m on my period.” She whispered. Only Joey had heard, but the older member had little to no shame and quickly announced to the room, “Santa Claus has come to town girls.” Needless to say, everyone was confused.

“Um, unnie, Christmas isn’t for like another two weeks. What do you mean Santa came to town?” Daeun asked.

Joey just grinned before explaining. “Think about it. Little red dude comes down the chimney-” They were interrupted by Jihye. “Oh my god, Joey stop.” Jihye put a hand over JJ’s mouth and the other three were slowly realizing what JJ was saying. Nari and Daeun started laughing at the ridiculousness of the statement and Haneul looked absolutely mortified.

“Seriously though, unnie if you need to sit for a bit because you’re cramping too badly, it’s not a problem.” Jihye said.

“But I’m the leader, and we still have so much to do before we debut. I can’t just take a break.” Nari snorted at this.

“Unnie, you clearly haven’t been feeling well all morning. Be absolutely honest. What would you rather be doing right now practicing, or be curled up on the couch with a heating pad?” Haneul didn’t even have to think about it.

“Heating pad. I really don’t feel good right now.” The other four nodded and began packing up their things.

“What about practice?” Haneul asked, clearly still preoccupied with their upcoming debut.

“It’s fine if we take a day off. Besides, we can film a fun video of us decorating the dorm for Christmas.” Joey said. The other members including Haneul got excited at the idea of finally decorating the dorm. The leader agreed to pack up her things and head back to the dorm.

Upon arriving at the dorm Haneul wound up on the couch while Nari looked for a heating pad. Daeun went to the closet to find the Christmas decorations they had gotten a month ago when they found out they were going to debut and knew that they could decorate. Joey went to the kitchen to make hot chocolate for everyone. And Jihye, hooked her phone up to the bluetooth speaker and began blasting Santa Claus is Coming to Town. This garnered mixed reactions from the other.

[seeminglyseph]

I am… feeling some extreme sinus pain. And it’s like… hard to do much of anything else with that as a problem? So stupid.

But. I really want someday to play Dayus my tiefling who for a period of time sold himself to a cult leader to the god Asmodeus in DnD before it went a little Jonestown-y and he fuckin’ skeedadled in the midst of the chaos, a story I have not fully fleshed out but the details I do have are “Dayus is a an Asmodeus bloodline tiefling with a strong resemblance to the unholy god, but like a sexy young version” because like. Tieflings kinda already do that. Dayus makes a deal with a powerful dude to work off a revivify spell which is pretty expensive for a broke bitch, which ends up with some fucked up compounding interest, and so he basically gets roped into being a performing “face” for this powerful dude’s Asmodeus cult. For like… at least a year, potentially more, but like. This is DnD and magic and gods are real and things can go very easily sideways and like.

The warlocks or whatever making bargains with Asmodeus have their deals called in and shit goes hella nasty and some demonic entities start getting full sucked into hell and summoning monsters and dimension slipping.

And Dayus is kinda like “you know I didn’t make a deal with Asmodeus, I made a deal with a guy who made a deal with Asmodeus so I’m gonna fucking scamper.” And he bounces on a technicality. He’s a rogue and a liar but like also fully willing to pull a like “technically I sold no soul on nothing, I promised time and money and if that guy’s dead like I don’t owe him shit, and that’s non-transferable. You may be my great-great-grandpapa or whatever but like I didn’t bargain with you nothing, you wanna own and murder these guys that’s all yours. Bought sold an’ paid for but I clocked in and am clocking out and leaving. This isn’t my problem. Not my clowns, not my circus. You have fun with them grandpa I’m leaving.” I have no idea if that would hold any validity but whatever.

I just wanna play him sometime. Fresh out of that bullshit and pretending everything is tooootally fine as he meets a new party and starts a DnD adventure. Like it would have to be a game that starts at like… at least level 3 or something, but like. I really want to play a game of just. “Your character just escaped something horrific and is pretending to be in a normal ‘everyone meets in a tavern’ setting”

[ruscha]

unhinged gta v babbling below the cut

so i’m about 10% through the game according to my save file, and i want to preface this post by saying that i love franklin. he’s smart and cool and nice and his special ability fucks so hard and i’m very excited to see where his character arc goes. i haven’t met trevor yet so we’ll figure him out later. however all of this is to say that this is going to be a hyperfixation on michael type of post so i apologize in advance

here are some things about michael so far in no particular order. just some things. you know

- that one cutscene of him listening to phil collins by the pool turned me into a ghost

- untreated manic depressive episode or mid-life crisis? nobody knows

- normally the meta in gta is doing a lot of missions and making quick cash or whatever but have you considered forcing the main character to keep going back to therapy or taking his wife out on awkward dates that always end with them drunk and screaming at each other

- his house is so fucking ugly dude, not necessarily the architecture because it’s the typical spanish revival type thing which is whatever but everything in it just sucks. rich people really have no taste

- it’s so funny to me how michael carries himself like an 80s movie gangster but he is literally just a guy who used to rob banks (???) and when he moved to los santos he didn’t even bother to learn the names of prominent gang leaders in the area

- he’s going to have long hair forever. i’m never visiting the barber shop again. so

- the way his relationship with jimmy is playing out so far is quite interesting. obviously a lot of their antagonisms stem from michael projecting his own insecurities, dissatisfaction with retirement, general malaise, etc onto jimmy, even though it is only because of michael’s past actions that jimmy lives such a carefree life in the first place. but jimmy and michael don’t exactly fit the “good men create great times, great times create weak men” bullshit either. instead jimmy is just very much like michael— impulsive, kind of self-centered, kind of reckless, and also very willing to speak his mind, notably to his father’s face during one of michael’s pretty violent anger outbursts. jimmy is also a good moral marker at this point in the narrative— even though he knew of his dad’s criminal past (arguably in a sort of “mystical, not-quite-reality” sort of way) before the boat incident, michael returning to killing so instantaneously after such a long “recovery” period with little to no regard for his actions clearly scares jimmy in a very real way.

- don’t get me started on how michael’s budding relationship with franklin mirrors how walter white found a “second son” in jesse pinkman because his real son would rightfully disown him if he knew how many people he had killed in the span of 6 months alone

- i know its the most lukewarm take in the world that this game has Issues With Women but god i hope against hope that better writing is in the cards for amanda and tracey.. they cannot possibly continue be as one-note and badly portrayed as they have been so far. please

- so michael’s original last name was townley, and then after faking his death and moving to los santos he changes it to de santa? painful. just horrible

- he needs shittier suits. i need his outfits to become shittier. i need him to become worse

- [so horny i can barely stand] it’s cool how they give characters realistic chest hair in video games now

- who is the bigger sicko, the violent and depraved protagonist from the car theft video game or the absolutely feral individual who pilots him around like a little puppet and punishes him for fun? tune in next time to find out

[sunmoonjune]

okay here i am because once again you have DELIVERED!!!

as soon as i woke up i jumped on to read and it was so COMFORTING AMD SO GOOD!

your descriptions are so poetic and comforting i can literally feel the words physically, you truly have a talent you should be so proud of yourself! because i am!

so first things first as usual after every chapter i’m crying because the way yunho simply would not leave bugs side :( broke my heart (in a good way) he’s so gentle with her i’m sobbing rn

AND THE WAY HES SO REASSURING AND SOFT TO WOOYOUNG TOO they’re all so soft and loving i’m-

and bug just doesn’t want to be separated from anyone she’s so cute she needs all the kisses in the world

her desperation to see san even though she believes them that he’s okay but she needs to see him and reassure herself that he’s okay and i find that so ARSGDEHBDH

hongjoong having to hold himself back i’m- and when she signed “home” i’m- i’m- im- banging my head on a wall (in a good way)

THEN SANUNION!! YAYYYY the way he was so desperate to see her back and okay that he disregarded his own pain and just needed to give ha the hugs she DESERVES!! and he was so reassuring letting her know that nothing was her fault they’re so cute i’m pulling all my hair out (in a good way)

AND WHEN SHE TOOK HER MASK OFF OMGGGG yeosang respects her sm and stayed turned away the whole time and she trusted yunho enough to put her hand down and HIS KITHES SHE DESERVES ALL THE LOVE AND KISSES she’s gawjus girl she’s pretty girl go get it girl

and all those nicknames i’m heaving this is so cute i can’t handle anymore every time i think i can handle it i cannot! me and bug got the same symptoms girl my stomach also got that nauseating feeling rn (in a good way <3)

idk if i missed anything out, i hope not but if i did just know every single line is artwork and beautiful even the commas and periods are beautifully executed you’re amazing gorgeous beautiful and WONDERFUL!! :D

- 📚 LOTS OF KISSES MWAH

📚 anon my beloved!!

thank you omg :')) truly it makes me so so proud when I get feedback like this <3 I've never squealed and kicked my feet more I think xD

yunbug <33 they did not want to be separated and how could I ever tear them apart again :"D he's so tender and he loves her SO MUCH, fr where do I find me a man like that

also yunwoo too <33 all of ateez adores each other and I'm truly here for it

hongjoong <3 our captain needs a kiss on the forehead and someone to tell him that they love him (I volunteer fr!!!) but that will come soon >:D bug missed her captain too and hongjoong needs a moment where he doesn't have to be a leader you know? he just needs to be hongjoong for a little <3

SAN!!! every time I write san it's always something I can see him genuinely doing irl,, like san throwing himself at woo because he was so worried about him even tho he himself is injured?? yeah that sounds like san, he truly is an angel and we don't deserve him :"))

the last scene!! yeosang didn't even need anyone to ask him, he was already turned around and he was going to give bug all the space she needed,, and yunho AGHH bug trusts him so much <3 no thoughts just yunbug <33

the nicknames also get me too!! I honestly literally write whatever reaction I have to them and that's what you read LMAO all that tummy turning and butterflies swarming is just me being delulu and thinking of san calling me 'love' and woo calling me 'baby' xD

thank you thank you again!! I'm so so happy you enjoyed the chapter <33