#and then the term for transphobia that boys face because i dont know they got insecure

[pronounpinbadge]

post blew uo and i got annoying pieces of shit in my notifs again so ill aay it one last time transmisogyny is the word for when transphobia and misogyny intersect. trans*ndrophobia is a special word for transmascs transphobia and is redundant

you are not effected by "androphobia", since that doesnt exist in any substantial way outside of where you've placed it into transphobia and im not gonna entertain your 'i want a special word too'

trans*ndrophobia truthers stay mad i gueessss ¯\_("3)_/¯ im literally dropping out of this debate because not one single one of you have ever actually read what i say on this and just say shit like "A TRANS MAN GOT BEAT UP TODAY IS THAT NOT TRANS*NDROPHOBIA" no you fuck he wasnt assaulted for being a man its always transphobia (assault for being trans) or misogyny (assault for being trans AFAB)

[dauntless-dragayn]

the dsmp c!kids are queer

a hc post for tommy, tubbo, ranboo, and purpled (all in regards to the characters)

tommy is a trans guy! naturally. he is straight and loves women So Much

for a long time he kept it on the downlow that he’s trans and didnt really like people knowing

he consistently binds (safely!) and his voice is naturally kind of low

he identified as a guy from a pretty young age, probably around when he first met tubbo

tubbo is pan and ace. he doesnt really think much about labels though. his gender is goat boy (in other words he’s cis/doesn’t think about his gender too much either)

you’d be surprised by the ace part because of all of his raunchy jokes but thats how it be sometimes

number #1 person who will kick your teeth in if you misgender tommy (but transphobia isnt a thing in the server so its fine<3)

purpled is agender and aro. he doesnt really care about pronouns but he/him is what he uses most commonly

he has an aro patch on his hoodie and he just thinks its so very cool that aro colors go so well with purple

he’s not romance repulsed, he just doesnt care to ever have a romantic relationship himself

he can Not wrap his mind around gender. he likes to joke if he had one it would be Dagger 

“too sharp to touch and extremely dangerous”

ranboo is nonbinary and uses he/they!!!!!!! he has no idea what his sexuality is but if he had to put a label on it he’d say queer

ranboo figured out he’s nb recently (around when he moved in with tubbo in snowchester) which tubbo was naturally super supportive of. he asked his husband if he could do anything to affirm his gender 

ranboo was very flustered and didnt really know how to answer that (besides updating his pronouns) but appreciated it

tommy and ranboo talk about gender and transness sometimes and finding out about ranboo is what allows tommy to gradually be more open and proud of his identity

some time later when he and tommy have gotten on good terms, ranboo offhandedly mentions how hes identified as nb for a bit now but doesnt have any pride merch to show for it

tommy instantly sets to making him a scarf with the nb colors and then decided to make a trans one too for good measure

hes too embarrassed to present them to ranboo’s face so he hands them off to tubbo to give him, with a note that says “pick your favorite genderboy. or keep them both i dont care”

ranboo nearly cries 

he decides he likes the nb one and next time he sees tommy he’s wearing it. tommy cant help but grin but he laughs and makes some joke about how ranboo has got all of these colors now and he’s practically a rainbow. gay lol

ranboo just grins and asks tommy if he can hug him. when tommy says yes and he does, ranboo then pulls out the trans scarf tommy made and wraps it on tommy’s shoulders

“now we match :D”

tommy is extremely soft but blusters his way through and says something like “well i guess i’ll need a scarf if im gonna be going to snowchester more often”

at some point when he visits and michael sees that his dad and uncle have matching scarves, he says he wants one

tommy makes him a rainbow one (with some help from michael. its a little bit patchy)

and then of course tubbo has to have one to fit in, so pan colors scarf it is

they put up a big ol gay and trans pride flag up outside snowchester so everyone knows how queer they are

[shoezuki]

This might be hella ignorant but I just??? Don't get what the big deal is on Twitter rn with the lesbian discourse? I feel like labels are all well and good for people who wanna use them and then they will, so if a lesbian wants to call themselves a lesbian they'll probably have a good reason to and then that's none of my business? Like idk it feels to me like twitter beef that doesn't actually have any real reason? I'm part of the lgbt+ community and I've never even HEARD about that wiki much less give a shit about it, does anyone? Is there really an army of men out there trying to call themselves lesbians? Idk if this is a take that just fully ignorant bc I'm not on Twitter much or if this is a case of twitter weirdness, I was just baffled by it

oh god no i fucking feel you like. im the same fuckin way tbh if someone identifies as a man AND a lesbian, i dont doubt they have an interesting and complex relationship to both gender and attraction. ppl who find identities and labels for themselves that ppl consider 'outside the norm' arent going to jus be like 'hahah wouldnt it be funny??' like. ppl who GENUINELY go by such identities. theyve thought through it. no doubt they ARENT just a cishet dude yknow.

if there ARE cishet dudes genuinely trying that shit yea fuck Them. but i dont know how exactly the rage and strict definitions of identities would Keep Them Out? genuine lesbophobes who are mistreating identities wont be affected. the people with complex relationships to gender and sexuality within the lgbt community. like

ive seen SO MANY more nonbinary lesbians getting shatt on and mistreated and facing horrible transphobia by ppl making these 'petitions' n shit on twitter. i have a mutual over there who had ppl telling them they have to change their identity and 'cant' be a lesbian because they identity as a nonbinary man. they had to drop a whole thread defending their own identity. im p sure their main account got restricted with all the death threats n bullshit gettin sent to em

its just. its more infighting and closing lgbt ppl out of their own identities. its promoted so much transphobia and ppl thinking they can dictate ppls gender identity and determine their entire gender based off of gendered terms like 'boy' and 'man'

[nothorses]

I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, and I worry about saying this off anon but I want to actually, be a face as I do. When I came out I knew I wasn't cis, and I was lucky enough to have the support of two wonderful trans partners, but I had an extremely hard time finding my place in the trans community. I am pro MOGAI and new, hyperspecific terms because I know how important it can be to want to put a name, a flag, and individual pride to your identity. 1/?

I switched my own terms quite a lot, from demigirl to genderfae to genderflux to where I am now, genderfluid. But I remember there was a moment, because I was so sure I was only female aligned, where I thought for just a moment that I might be a boy, and I was terrified, I didnt want to be a boy, I didnt want to be "that trans." Like every trans person, I struggled with internalized transphobia, not feeling valid or true enough in my identity, 2/15

But that dreadful feeling of being Scared of being a boy is something I think about a lot, and something I think is truly telling. I'll admit I primarily (only) use tumblr because social media honestly isnt my thing, so I can only speak to what I've seen here, but I remember seeing so little about trans men, other than the occasional mention in broad positivity posts, the even rarer info about binding or passing, but I did see how much people hated men. 3/15

It was always implied to be about cis men, I've been spared the more modern issues regarding overt hatred of trans men, but I saw the constant anger and vitriol and genuine hatred for men. And I realize now I wasnt just scared of being "too trans" I was scared of being hated. So I made myself nonthreatening, I called myself a boy, I performed femininity to an even higher, though subversive standard, because I was still so scared of being a man. The enemy. The oppressor. 4/15

It took many more months to dare say I wanted to call myself a man, and even then I was scared, in the comfort and safety of my girlfriend's company. I felt dirty saying it, and I still do. I always only dare to refer to myself as a trans man, instead of just as a man. And I do want to sidetrack for a moment and say my relationship to gender, as a genderfluid person, is admittedly more complex than just when I feel this way, in other ways people are also particularly hateful towards, 5/15

But even with those other facets, and my fear of being open in them, pale in comparison to my relationship with masculinity. Because when I did come out and admit to myself that sometimes, I am not a woman, or nonbinary, I am a man, I became more aware of things. I exited wonderland, so to say. Suddenly I became so much more aware of how much people simply did not care about me or people like me, and especially not our problems or concerns. 6/15

I saw how invisible I was, and worse than that, I saw a very subtle malice. The only mention of trans men were in those broad positivity posts including everyone under the trans umbrella, or in the rare case something was positive exclusively for trans men, it was always reblogged with "dont forget trans women/enby people" tacked on, I remember once I looked in the trans tag and counted how many posts it took to find one exclusively about trans men that didnt mention binding 7/15

I got into the forties. Because on other posts, I would see people make passive aggressive remarks about how "trans men are talked about too much" or "there's all these resources for trans men, what about trans women" and I wanted to know on what earth the people who said that were living on, because the only, and I mean the only thing people tend to talk about in regards to trans men is how to safely bind, and rarely, the effects of HRT. 8/15

This happened a while ago, but I remember seeing a number of posts on my dash about how much representation trans men receive. I believe there was a panel about trans people, where a majority of the panelists were trans men, and trans women were less represented than them. They encouraged people to complain, said we received too much attention, and pointed at mythical trans male rep in media that in reality, I could count on one hand. I remember being so angry and passionate about it 9/15

Now im honestly just tired. I dont feel accepted by the trans community, and even the trans male community is iffy (I fit in amongst mogai people most, but I cant deny trumeds are particularly prevalent, and it wore on me), and it's so tiring to have every post made by trans men for trans men have to be preambled by belittling themselves and downplaying their own suffering. I just want to exist in peace, but I feel like that's too much to ask. 10/15

I've reached a point of exhaustion that I have become entirely apathetic to my own gender, what was once a deeply important aspect of my identity. I feel disconnected from it, and as a consequence from my own body. I don't bother examining it anymore because I can't feel it, as someone who suffers from dissociation, I feel dissociated from it in order to protect myself, something I was once so openly proud about. 11/15

Im scared to try and push for transition, for my own personal reasons, but now on top of those Im terrified of being silenced and belittled and hated for something that should make me happy. I've tried so hard not to feed into the lateral violence and become embittered towards trans women, because that's not fair, but I won't lie and say it hasnt been hard when I have seen more than I ever would've liked be so willing to ignore or outright throw their brothers under the bus 12/15

And of course there are even more who do show their support for their brothers, and for that im thankful, but this invisibility effects how I perceive everything. I feel like I've been pushed back into the closet, I say im trans because I know I'm not cis but I don't even know who I am, what my place is, and I'm scared to explore because I'm scared that who I am will be violently rejected by the people meant to support me. I want to be free to even explore who I am. 13/15

I wish people would listen to my experiences and what I have to say, but in every microaggression every act of ignoring I feel silenced. Trans men are viewed as predatory, just in a different way; trans men are fetishized and have chasers; trans men face higher rates of violence and sexual assault for being trans men; research about transmasc transition is almost nonexistent, and new, better surgeries are not even thought about; transmasc history is erased and silenced. 14/15

I, feel like im rambling at this point, and I'm sorry I've been so longwinded, I just. I want to thank you, for creating a space where I can speak my truth, because before finding your blog I didn't think anyone would care. I feel like I have so much more to say but honestly im scared, and too tired, and have said enough for now. I just want this feeling of loneliness to go away and hopefully I'll find a way to accept myself. Thank you for listening to me, and giving me a platform to speak 15/15

(Edited the numbers for accuracy)

Thank you for trusting me with this, and to other folks: I think this is an important narrative to listen to and share!

[its-an-inxp-again]

Hey

Idk if you ever got the answer to your thing. But I’m a person who is queer but regularly uses the term lesbian to make things simpler. I can tell you why I hate the phrase monosexual- it feels transphobic to me- I am not attracted to men at all, but I am attracted to women, non-binary folks, gender queer folks, and agender folks. If I was with a partner and they transitioned to be a man I would still love them. That wouldn’t change. Sexuality is fluid and calling someone monosexual seems to erase that and really put people in boxes. Everyone has exceptions. And as someone who has identified as bisexual and pansexual in the past and find those not to suit me and fit right (especially since I am not sexually/romantically attracted to people physically/based on appearances- it’s more about personality and what I could do with a person)

I don’t mean this in an antagonistic way, I really hope it doesn’t come off that way(I’m bad expressing myself sorry).

(I’m sorry, I know you’re not trying to be rude. My answer, however, will sound rude and upset because you touched upon some stuff that needs a lot of unpacking to me lmao. Just know this anger is not necessarily directed at you but at biphobia in general.)

Why do bisexual people may need to use the term monosexual?

A. It is descriptive

I see what you mean but as you said you're queer and lesbian is a term to make things simpler, right?

So I wouldnt call you monosexual because you’re clearly not attracted to only one gender (but if you want to who I am to stop you?). Monosexual is someone who is almost exclusively dating/is attracted to people of one gender. There are plenty trans people that are straight or gay that would NOT date a partner if they realized they were a different gender. For real: kat blaque made a video (here it is if youre interested) on youtube about this - she’s trans and she wants to date men and wouldnt feel comfortable on continuing dating if a partner of hers realized they were actually a trans woman all along. She wants to date guys not girls and that's FINE it just means A. She actually recognizes the girl gender, obviously B. She's straight af and that's wonderful! It’s not a box if that’s how her experience is and she likes it that way!

Also how is being monosexual transphobic? Cant a girl just like guys exclusively (both cis and trans) or like girls exclusively (both cis and trans)? It's not even enbyphobic since you dont need to be attracted to a person to support their rights. (Gay men arent attracted to women but can be 100% feminists.) Being open to fuck somebody is not the same as supporting their rights: fetishization is a thing. Again, I refer to the video Kat Blaque made.

Sexuality IS fluid but to some people (like me and you) it is more than others. Some people don’t feel comfortable dating people that dont fall into the gender theyre usually attracted to and thats 100% okay.

B. It helps in talking about biphobia and panphobia in society

Biphobia and panphobia are for the large part based on the assumption that you cant be attracted to more than one gender (not even non-binary and so on) and that if you do you're weird/disgusting/mentally ill/a sexual predator. I can tell you 100% that's the narrative both straight and gay people can and may perpetuate since I struggle w this kind of shit every single time Im attracted to someone no matter their gender (YES, EVEN IF THEY'RE A GUY, BECAUSE THE OTHER DAY I WAS ATTRACTED TO A GIRL AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL THAT CANT CONTROL ITSELF, even though it makes NO sense because if it was two girls or two boys the actual number of people my hormones activated to wouldnt change, but it would make my experience not subjected to biphobia!). I’m not saying gay people are the same as straight people. But I do feel alienated BOTH from heteronormative society AND from (subtly biphobic) gay spaces because of my bisexuality. I costantly feel like I’m outside both of those worlds and you know how humans are: I just need a term to encompass it all easily, to say “I don’t identify with any of this” (which is both straight and strictly gay spaces: ie, monosexual). To me is literally the same as saying non-bisexual/non-pansexual.

I dont mean to say lesbians or gays have it easier or are just like straight people. But we do have different experiences and I need terms to express that. It honestly doesnt matter to me if you identify as lesbian or queer (though I think you’re implying you’re more queer than anything). But I do need a term to talk about how society at large treats sexuality; ie, as a monosexual thing. Another concept that’s been thrown around is bi erasure. A strictly monosexual society is bound to view a girl dating a girl (or girl presenting) as if theyre both LESBIANS and erase a queer person the moment they’re in a m/f relationship, because people cant COMPUTE that it may not be the case and that the girl dating a cis straight dude isnt betraying her queerness.To think so is basic biphobia.

In some ways, I think it’s the same as when transgender people started using the term cisgender - which is applicable to both straight people and queer/gay people. They simply needed a term which meant “not-trans” as they were saying “I dont identify with this” (ie the cisgender experience). Does it imply that cisgender people, no matter if queer, have something in common? Yeah, yeah it does. Does it imply that queer people are just the same as straight people, or face no oppression? Of course not. Seeing people being offended upon being called monosexual feels like people being offended upon being called cis to me.

Also, saying that the terms bisexual people use are transphobic is almost implying that bisexuality is inherently transphobic? Or reeks to me of that kind of rhetoric. I use the terms I need to use, just like any other marginilized group does, and nobody outside of that group has any right of denying me that. It’s like I’m trying to create a safe space for myself and people like me and yall come around to judge us YET AGAIN. And I'm just tired of hearing this bullshit. I could accept this kind of criticism only if it came from a trans person themselves, I guess? But it’s not usually trans people who accuse us of being transphobic, in fact, many trans people identify as bisexual and use bisexual terminology lmfao.

“Hearts not parts” rhetoric

Finally, about personality being superior to physical appearance. That's amazing but I do want to note that, not you necessarily, but many people who are into the “hearts not parts” rhetoric are, how can I say this. Slut-shaming people? I’m not sure if you are doing this but I feel it needs to be said just to be sure. A lesbian trans woman can be just attracted to a girl for her physical appearance and just want to fuck her - and THAT'S OKAY. That's fine. I am a sexually attracted to people and that doesnt mean I have to form a deep bond first. Sex positivity is about accepting that people can feel like this and not shame them for this. "Hearts not parts” rhetoric has in the past infantilized, sanitized or outright shamed other queer experiences. It's fine if you feel that way but dont start acting like you're morally superior because of that. That's catholicism with extra steps. My bisexuality its not the symptom of some predatory and animalistic thing that should be purified into something more palatable and less sexual. That’s the same thing they used to say about gay people and now gay (biphobic) people are using this against us. That’s also the kind of thing trans women (especially if they’re sapphic) constantly hear every fucking day. Queer people have a good part of their discrimination rooted in the shaming of purely sexual desires. Forcing ourselves to be more palatable and less sexual is just respectability politics. I’m tired of it. (This is obviously different from being on the asexual spectrum: but you dont see ace people going around pretending they’re morally superior than everybody else, and many are actually very sex positive)   You would still love your partner if they were a different gender: that’s great, but that’s not how some (most) people feel, and they aren’t superficial because of this, just different from you.

Also, I think you’d really benefit from hearing a trans person say they don’t care if someone has genitalia preferences. Here it is. This obviously doesnt mean that every trans person will feel like she does, but it does mean that we can’t generalize trans experiences/preferences/what they feel transphobia is. Just like straight people dont get to say what’s homophobic or not, cis people dont get to say what’s transphobic or not. The definition of those terms relies entirely on the community that is targeted by these things.

I hope this wasnt excessively confusing but I wanted to make my point clear.

[diversemymedia]

i remember a while back i got an ask from an anon asking me if i thought that john boy*ga could reach out to letitia since theyre good friends and educate her on her transphobia and her beliefs. i cant find the post so i'll just make a new one and expand on what i said because i dont know if i was clear or not, but i just wanna say it again. just because you like a celebrity because they're a "poc" or because they may seem like a nice person, don't hold them up to high standards because that doesn't mean anything. the quote "actions speak louder than words" is true. until you see someone you adore or fangirl over doing something that proves they're on your side, then you can assume that they probably care about said issues. because just like letitia & that annoying mandolorian actress, you don't know people's true beliefs. for all we know, celebrities just say what they want (and they do it when asked, because i also made a point about how i feel like the only people who truly care are the ones who bring it up without prompt) because they're in the limelight and they want to save face and avoid being canceled or whatever. so please take note that just because someone famous is nice on a surface level and plays a fictional hero doesn't necessarily mean they're leftist. and this isn't to say you cant be a fan of certain actors and actresses, you certainly can. but just be a bit realistic and dont hold them to such high standards because there is a slight chance you will be disappointed. i've had to come to terms with that when i started this blog, so yeah.

[sugarglider-s]

We sharing out enby discovering stories? Mind if I share mine plus my other discoveries to ya?

Warning, homophobia and transphobia from parents. Also a high chance of spelling and grammar mistakes. Sorry I'm just ranting and sharing.

So until the end of 7th grade I had no idea the LBTGQA+ existed, and when I did oh boi did the fact I was an asexual b***h slap me across the face. Only until the beginning of 8th grade, after a summer of heavy debate, did I tell my friends I was ace.(I then found out that most of my friends were part of the LBTGQA+ too or had siblings involved, really happy that day)

Now see, I had only discovered bits and pieces of the community in the beginning and upon further research, and a wonderful man named Thomas Sanders, I had found more. And one of the things my brain wrestled with the most was being transgendered. Because in a way I related to it. I didnt feel like I belonged to my sex assigned at birth, but I also didn't feel like a male. I didn't like either options and though maybe that just means I'm female.

This part below is the trigger warning, go to the part with larger words to skip over the homophobia.

Add to the fact that around this time my parents started bringing up how homosexuality and being transgender is a sin, weird, unnatural, and the people who identify with it are messed up in the head or have chemical imbalances in their brains/systems didn't help me out at all. Especially when this behavior started to effect my brothers who started (and still do) use the community as degratory terms and constantly say, in summary, mean things about and towards the community.

BELOW IS SAFE

So, I ignored any feelings or idea I had about being anything else besides ace in fear of what might happen if my family found out. Their was also the fact that I didnt feel dysphoria(even if I was uncomfortable with some of my female parts) so that further solidify my choice to ignore whatever I was feeling towards it. See the thing was, my brain wouldnt drop it so easily and kept bringing it to my attention. Which resulted in quite a few nights of crying myself to sleep because I didn't want to hear what I was thinking.

Then, my brain started to give me dreams and if there was one thing that I always remembered during those dreams was gender. The dream would start off were I was unsure of it and the dream would continue as normal until I either figured out i was a male or female. Which immediately left me with a terrible feeling that would stay during the dream and with me as i woke up. The thought just wouldn't leave me alone.

And then one day towards the beginning of summer, as I was watching some LBTGQA+ Tik toks on youtube(cringy, I know) and in the mix was some non-binary tik toks. Which left me confused and immediately curious as to what it was. A long night of research later and I had this new term and part of the community, non binary. And boi did I like it. However, my resolve to ignore thoughts like that and my family had stalled my acceptance of it. And it didnt help that I started thinking that I was panromantic as I got a crush on best friend.(oh dont worry. this caused many nights of internal debate about whether to ask her out or not and the consequences of asking her out. Still haven't but as I am getting more accepting of myself and when this whole covid thing is over and we've hung out a bit I'd like to tell her)

Anyway, after debated during the beginning of the school year I had desided to think about it again, this time with non-binary in mind. And I really liked it, online with new people I introduced myself with they/them pronouns. And I always felt so happy when they used them!

Then, my first in real life experience happened. I was walking my husky pup in the field when he started booking it towards this girl walking by. I apologized and she laughted and said how she was new around here and I found out she was in my grade. She said her name and pronouns, and then asked for my in turn, adding a they to the end of her asking. ( I felt the smile admittedly form on my face when she did) however, my youngest brother was around so I introduce myself with the wrong pronoun/the ones he though I was. We ended up hanging out more. After a while I asked her if she remembered when she first asked for my pronouns, she said yes, and I told her I was actually non-binary. She said she kind of figured having notice me admittedly smile and how large I did.

There are more little stories, but those are the first that helped me realize my identity and acceptance as a non-binary, panromantic asexual person. And though things aren't the best, I am really happy with that and that I got passed my family's homphodia and accepted myself(I guess it's just harder when it's for yourself since I never did see the issue they had with the community. Nor did i have issues with my friends when they came out to me. It still makes me upset the way my family acts, and I'm honestly not ready yet for me to come out to them. That's going to happen when I'm sure I can support myself.)

Anyways sorry to ramble and sorry if I overshare with you. It's just so awesome and nice hearing these stories and learning about you that I wanted to share my own.

Woah!!! It’s awesome that you figured yourself out despite those circumstances my fellow enby friend! 🌟🌟🌟

[therezastarman]

Ok so totally invasive question that I’m ok with if you dont feel comfortable answering, but how did you know you were nb?

Oh don’t worry, I’m so happy to help you!

So my journey with my gender started about two years ago. It started when I realized that I liked girls, not because gender and sexuality are the same, but because I started doing a lot of research on sexuality, and ended up reading a lot about gender. That just planted the idea in my head. 

Every once in while, when someone would call me a girl, I’d get really depressed and angry almost. I didn’t think much of it, though, because it wasn’t happening often, and I was dealing with an addiction to self harm, and things that made me doubt myself would trigger me. 

So I didn’t think about it for a while, until one day, I heard the chorus of If I Was a Boy by Beyonce, and the line “If I Was a Girl” flashed through my mind. It kinda freaked me out, so I just tried not to think about it, but it just kept on nagging me. 

While this was going on, I started feeling a lot of dysphoria towards my face and my hair, so I started tying my hair up in buns on the back of my head. 

I turned towards a lgbtq+ group on Facebook, which was helpful, but a bunch of people were calling me a snowflake, which just really hurt a lot. 

I started doing a lot of research online, and found the term demigirl, which felt like it fit at the time. (This was about a year ago). Whenever I would start to feel very dysphoric, I would dress a lot more masc, and refer to myself with they/them pronouns. 

Because I wasn’t talking much about it, I just felt like I didn’t have a right to feel what I was feeling, I would try to convince myself that I was a girl, and that I was okay with being a girl, but it was so hard to keep doing that when I just knew that it wasn’t true. 

I decided that I needed to tell someone, so I started mentioning offhand to people that sometimes I felt more masculine, and then I finally built up the courage to tell my sister and my mother about the term demigirl that I had found, but of course I decided that I just needed to tell them while my father was having a high school band reunion at my house, so my mother didn’t really hear me. (I ended up talking to her later that night). 

I left it alone for a while, until a few month into the lock-down (may-june I think), I started to accept myself a little bit more, and by the time the next school year started, I knew that I was comfortable with they/them pronouns (I wasn’t sure about she/her pronouns at that point, and was convinced that I would never really come out, so I just was sucking it up). 

One day, someone asked me if I was comfortable being called ma’am, and it triggered a really bad panic attack. I ended up texted the Trevor Project, and texting with someone for about an hour, and then coming out to three of my friends as demigirl that day. After that I thought that things would get better within my mind, but I kinda just freaked out for a whole weekend, and just got so angry at the world for making me this way, I just wished that I was cis. 

I started doing a lot more research, and watching videos about people’s experiences, and I was getting more confident with who I was, and decided to come out at school (I go to a tiny (I mean tiny, there are like 40 students 9-12) and religious school) so I was surprised when it was taken pretty well. The same day, I came out to my other sister and to my father.

I started exploring my gender more and more, and started using the term non-binary demigirl to define my gender. 

After a while, I started using exclusively they/them pronouns, and a wonderful teacher emailed all of the staff and faculty, and I made an announcement at school. (This was about two months ago). 

I bought myself a binder and got my hair cut (YOU DO NOT NEED TO PRESENT ANDROGYNOUSLY OR USE EXCLUSIVELY THEY/THEM PRONOUNS TO BE NON-BINARY, I just happen to be someone who does).

Then after a while, I realized that the only reason that I was not just using the term non-binary was that I was just holding on to the notion that I was just a girl going through a phase. (This is not to say that demigender people do no exist, I just do not happen to be one). 

I am still dealing with a lot of internalized transphobia, and I think that’s connected to how much I get msisgendered, but I’m working on it. 

I hope that this mess of my story is helpful to you. 

And please don’t ever hesitate to drop an ask or pm me. : )

[my-gender-journey-journal]

I did it

I came out to my parents.

it went about as well as I expected it to, which is to say it did not go well at all. 

(warnings: transphobia, religious bigotry.) Putting in a read more because this is going to get long. (i was right, it did)

my Parents listened to me, and that is about all the good news I got. They refuse to believe that nonbinary people exist. They believe that God only created two genders. only two sexes rather. They refuse to use my pronouns and dont believe that what happened last night was actually me coming out to them because they don’t think that what I told them was true. 

they think I am telling myself a lie and choosing to believe a lie about myself. My mom thinks that the experiences that i have had with some unresolved past trauma because of my disabilities is what is making me believe I am nonbinary. My dad thinks it is that mixed with me being involved in the lgbt+ club at school. He blames them for giving me the words to express this, almost like they indoctrinated me. He is disappointed with my experiences at my college but he is in no place to have any opinions about them because he has no idea what my experiences have been like. 

My dad said that me coming out to him as nonbinary carries the same weight as if I came out to him as black (i’m very white)... to him I just simply am not nobinary because it is not possible just like me being black is not possible. He thinks I am hurting myself by telling myself a lie about myself that makes me think im less than. (which is wrong on many levels). Even if my dad believed that this was real he would never support me in it. He said he has prayed about this and has realized that he “respects what (he thinks) God has to say about people more than whatever they may believe about themselves”. 

My mom says that if I can put what it feels like to be nonbinary into words and give a thorough list of times that I didn’t feel like being a girl or a boy fit then maybe just maybe she might believe me. Not accept me, not be okay with me being how I am, not use my pronouns or support me in this, but believe that I am telling the truth. The bare minimum. I honestly don’t know if it is worth the emotional effort that it would take to write all that out for her to only maybe possibly theoretically believe me, because I don’t think it would convince her. 

My mom is sad that I am “throwing out” the label of girl and “throwing away or giving up” womanhood and the gifts that come with it. I don’t think that is what is happening and I tried to tell her that isn’t what i am doing, I still dont think it is what I am doing. However for the sake of comparison,  I think now I would compare it to a jacket that I have been wearing for as long as I have been alive every minute of every day that is now way too small and doesn’t fit or feel good or right when everyone else’s clothes seemed to grow with them as they did. because honestly there was a time where the term girl, and female, and lady seemed to fit, seemed right. I thought I had to wear that too small jacket, I didn’t realise there were other jackets out there I could wear that were better for me, that would grow with me as if it was made for me instead of holding me captive in these expectations I was handed without my consent. 

My mom said it would’ve been easier if I came out as lesbian. She is right. At least they believe lesbians exist. 

it hurts to hear these things from my parents. it hurts and it is hard, but it isn’t surprising. I am disappointed and frustrated and upset that I am stuck inside with them until who knows when. But now they know. I don’t feel like I am hiding anymore. I am not responsible for keeping my parents happy, that is not my job. My job is to be myself, be open with them, and know that their beliefs about me don’t shape my reality. 

I can go back to school when this is all over and introduce myself at the lgbt+ club and tell them all that they can use my pronouns everywhere now.

 Im not hiding anymore. 

I wont get a worse reaction than the one I just got from my parents. and I lived through it. I made it. If I can face that from them, then I can face anyone. 

do not reblog

[pronounpinbadge]

transmisogyny isn't just misogyny and transphobia; its the oppression you get for being a trans *woman*, experiencing the combination of both because of your unique identity. i really enjoy your blog but i may have to unfollow if you continue with the whole.... "transmisogyny affects all of us" thing because thats a dangerous slope to transandrophobia truthing. think of it this way; the oppression i, as an indigenous person face for being not just a poc but an indigenous poc is unique to only me. while all poc are oppressed in their own unique ways, an asian poc or black poc cannot relate to my experiences being indigenous unless they themselves are also indigenous.

while the anti-indigenous oppression society (not just whites, but all non indigenous folk) force onto us can affect other types of poc as well, they aren't the main target and aren't nowhere near as affected by it as we are

(i dont mean this in an upset way just trying 2 educate)

this ask ill entertain because its not hate nonsense

transmisogyny is the intersection of transphobia and misogyny, two major discrimination thinktypes coming together. its not just Trans Misogyny, misogyny for trans women, even though it absolutely affects trans women and transfeminine people disproportionally more. it was coined as an intersection of these two schools of discrimination.

if youve at all been on my blog, you should know that i dont stand for transandrophobia (or any other microlables for oppression) whatsoever, so youre most likely baiting with that (and it worked), and id argue your stance of 'only women can experience transmisogyny!' is one of the things that actually pushes those transmascs to coining their own words for their 'special oppression', because they dont understand that transmisogyny isnt just transphobia for girls but the transphobia that hinges on misogyny as a societal constant

stay with me for a second, and read all of this sentence before replying. transmisogyny does effect us all, BUT it is massively more focused on trans women and transfeminine people, and those it perceives as transfem. im not unaware to the fact i have it a LOT easier than my transfem friends, BECAUSE of the misogyny i face as a visibly queer, non-passing trans person. i am assumed to be a stupid woke teenage girl going through her rebellious phase, which is a LOT safer for me than being assumed to be a teenage boy trying to prey on girls through the woke agenda. i am not unaware of this privilege, and all i do is use it to protect girls rights in my outside-of-tumblr life

Race is an immutable thing, but gender and sex is not. your analogy is good and i agree with the examples you used, but not in terms of comparing them to transmisogyny

If you want to continue this discussion absolutely feel free to dm me, or send more anon asks (but thats kind of a janky way to communicate) im totally open to continuing this if youve got things to add