#and there’s a giant nature trail that hoes right by it

[strawberryshortpace]

Me applying to get an apartment and live with 2 random dudes hoping it’ll be more New Girl and less True Crime podcast

[sakurology]

I'm not sure if u take requests but if u do could u write a NSFW alphabet for Issei?¿ ♡

So lemme tell you something- I got this req and the first thing that came out of my mouth was BIIIIIIIIITTTTCCCCHHHHHH

And I proceeded to scream cry and yell about this for idk how long. I put so much thought into this- I literally wrote it in almost one night completely. I have SO much to say about this man. My Issei brainrot is only fueled by my stupid horny Pisces brain- WHICH HE ALSO HAS god bless him. Anyway enough about me this turned my mind into soup and it all fell out of my ears enjoy ur fucking horse cock

NSFW Alphabet- Matsukawa Issei

No thoughts head he. 😌

gn!reader focused, obviously nsfw....

𝕬 - 𝕬𝖋𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖊

Best Service Dom. Best Dom EVER. Anything you want you get, you have to only say the words. Food? Already ordered so it would be there by the time you finished. Cuddles? His arms are wide open and his body is very warm. Sit in a bubble bath and scroll through your favorite online stores? The bath is nice and warm and his credit card is at your disposal. He takes amazing care of you, and will stop at nothing to make you feel secure/safe/happy at all times..

𝕭 - 𝕭𝖔𝖉𝖞 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙

Welll…. I… we all know what it is. I’ll explain more later but in addition to that he also has the most amazing arms/abs. He’s very lean, definitely naturally so. Doesn’t need to work out but does so anyway keep toned.

𝕮 - 𝕮𝖚𝖒

Likes to cum inside you, but simply so that he can watch it ooze out of your hole. Sometimes he’ll even keep fucking you after he’s finished to see himself push it back in even after it’s out.

𝕯 - 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕾𝖊𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖙

I hate adding this but he has a foot fetish. Not like a hardcore creepy kind of foot fetish- he just likes to suck a toe here and there. But only if they’re freshly pedicured… he’s very picky. He’ll give foot massages all the time tho if you ask him. He just never tells anyone about it because he knows his friends will clown him.

Not ur foot but close enough he would get you one of those little golden name anklets and kiss it every time he lifts your leg over his shoulder. 👀🦋

𝕰 - 𝕰𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊

Absolutely. He’s done a lot in his life, and is not short on any stories of past encounters. He is kind of a sex encyclopedia, but he’s very casual about it. If you bri bc up something you wanna try, 11/10 times he’s going to not only have done it, but be able to suggest ways for you to make it better- with several anecdotes.

𝕱 - 𝕱𝖆𝖛𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝕻𝖔𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

Doesn’t just like doggy- it is his lifeblood. It’s easier for him to control your movements while also making sure that he can bury himself all the way inside. He can have a vice grip on your hips one moment, his fists full of your hair the next- and if he starts spanking you well… that’s between you two and god.

He does like plain old missionary too, but only bc he can see himself in your tummy.

𝕲 - 𝕲𝖔𝖔𝖋𝖞

It makes him laugh sometimes when you struggle to take him all at once. He thinks it cute that you try, but it’s hilarious how big your head gets sometimes. He has to fuck you dumb and remind you that you can’t do that.

𝕳 - 𝕳𝖆𝖎𝖗

Trims, but not super short. He does wax his happy trail tho bc it makes him self-conscious.

𝕴 - 𝕴𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖆𝖈𝖞

Can actually be very romantic if he wants to. He is a Pisces, after all. He does enjoy foreplay and the sensuality of that to get you prepped, and he takes extra care to make sure you’re fully ready. He is going to be hard on you, but understands that he has to take good care of you, and he does

𝕵 - 𝕵𝖆𝖈𝖐 𝕺𝖋𝖋

Daily. At least once. It keeps the stress away and livens his mood. He does it as soon as he wakes up, and then if he’s having a really hard day or difficulty sleeping, he can do it to ease his nerves.

𝕶 - 𝕶𝖎𝖓𝖐

Size, obvious because everyone is smaller than him Skdkfkf he’s a giant. He’s 6’2 and his cock is at least 3 feet of that.

Daddy Kink, self explanatory mostly. It’s just so fucking sweet on his ears, his baby cooing for their daddy, trying so hard to work his entire cock into their tiny hole, trying to be so good for him… he loses it every time.

Voyeurism, likes watching you touch yourself. He finds it amusing how you think you can get yourself there without his help. You both know that’s impossible, but it turns him on to see you try.

Praise, again- he loves to make you feel special. And you work so hard fitting all of him inside, he has to tell you how good of a job you’re doing, especially because he’s appreciative of you letting him impale you. He has to let you know.

Mutual Masturbation, Kinda goes with voyeurism. If you’re away from each other, you’re definitely going to have sex via FaceTime- he just wants to see you, and also wants you to see him. To him, it lets you know you’re the only one that can get him there, and that your presence alone- even if he’s not touching you, is more than enough.

Lingerie, Loves nothing more than seeing you all pretty for him. He also just really likes the feeling of lace or silk against his fingertips He can get out of control and rip your sets tho- but don’t worry, death is a very lucrative business- He will buy you several replacements.

𝕷 - 𝕷𝖔𝖈𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

LOVES car sex. If the mood strikes, he WILL pull over. But really, he’ll take it wherever he can get it.

𝕸 - 𝕸𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖛𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

He’s very eager to please. A little lazy, yes, but at his core he wants to make sure you’re feeling good.

𝕹 - 𝕹𝖔!

He has done literally everything at least once and the one thing he just can’t get into is piss. One bad experience and a 3 month uti later he’s sworn off it for good.

𝕺 - 𝕺𝖗𝖆𝖑

Not his favorite. He could honestly go with or without it personally, just because there’s so much of him. But he will happily fuck your throat if you want him to, and will go down on you for hours to make sure you’re truly prepped. For someone who’s not a big fan of it, he’s actually AMAZING with his mouth. It’s lazy but in the best way possible.

𝕻 - 𝕻𝖆𝖈𝖊

Starts off slow so you’re good to go, but will pick up the pace as you stretch out. He does enjoy a few slow deep thrusts in between drilling you into oblivion tho. He never tries to make your guts into a smoothie on purpose, it just kinda happens that way.

𝕼 - 𝕼𝖚𝖎𝖈𝖐𝖎𝖊

He will never say no to quickie. The amount of fast food bathrooms and abandoned parking lots you’ve seen is astronomical. The amount of times Makki has kicked you out of his apartment for trying something while he goes to the bathroom is even higher.

𝕽 - 𝕽𝖎𝖘𝖐

He's the classic degen. bf who reaches across the table at the same time as your dad when you go “daddy can you pass the salt?”

So yes, he’s definitely going to tease you under a table at thanksgiving dinner.

He’s really going to have you whenever he wants- even if it comes at the expense of your pride/morals sometimes.

𝕾 - 𝕾𝖙𝖆𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖆

Can go on forever if you let him. Will overstim you to hell and back before he even thinks about cumming. Doesn’t even know he’s doing it- he’s so used to fucking you brainless that he doesn’t realize it’s too much. But he is SUPER apologetic about it and will make sure to treat you extra carefully.

𝕿 - 𝕿𝖔𝖞

He actually has a few for when he’s feeling lazy. He used to run through fleshlights like they were tictacs but he’s since finally found one that he won’t break.

He got most of them for free because he worked in a sex shop during college- he was very popular.

𝖀 - 𝖀𝖓𝖋𝖆𝖎𝖗

Yes. He will 100% rile you up with touches that seem innocent enough in nature, but are a tad bit too low, or linger on for a bit too long.

Will also give you “the look” in public and pretend he doesn’t know what you’re talking about- he definitely does.

𝖁 - 𝖁𝖔𝖑𝖚𝖒𝖊

Vocal in bed, especially with praise. Will constantly tell you how good you’re doing or how good you feel. Doesn’t moan a lot, but they slip out from time to time. Instead it’s a lot of deep breaths, groans, and curses.

𝖂 - 𝖂𝖎𝖑𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖉

If mortuary school hadn’t have worked out, he and Makki were going to start their own porn company. They actually have a very solid business plan. They made a pact to sit on it for now, since Issei is working at the funeral home.

𝖃 - 𝖃-𝕽𝖆𝖞

LMFAOOOOO

Literally a foot long. Longer actually. I’m going to honestly say 13. No I won’t take it back. Perfect thickness too. Honestly it’s like… god really took his time and got it fucking right. Everything about his physique is perfect- it would only make sense his cock is that perfect to match. Color is even all around, the head is bubblegum pink. There’s also one very prominent vein on the underside, and a few tinier trails of veins on the top. The statue of David? Don’t know her. Only know the statue of Issei.

𝖄 - 𝖄𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌

High sex drive, but he can keep it subdued if he has to. Especially because he knows he’s too much for most people. He's not shy about it though. Is CONSTANTLY horny on main. Not that you mind.

𝖅 - 𝖅𝖟𝖟

Service Dom through and through. He won’t sleep until you do, and even if he’s dead tired, he won’t sleep at all if you’re staying awake. He’s going to do everything to take care of you and your needs first. When you do sleep he likes to hold your head to his chest and will press his nose down into your hair so he can fall asleep surrounded by your scent.

Taglist Starseeds (check ur privacy settings if your url is in bold): @honey-makki @crushzone @yumekosgamblingroom @boujiesav @onesingleravioli @ushijimasfarmhat @trouvelle @nekoma-hoe @right-shoe-jpg @atsumusc0ck @ukaic @nivky0-0 @animoozies @charmarsmith

[sellhousefast323]

9 Top-Rated Attractions & Things to Do in Roanoke, VA

Roanoke is a popular tourist destination, whether you're a culture vulture seeking out unique museums and attractions or an active vacationer seeking out outdoor adventures. The city is a four-season destination for avid hikers, rock climbers, recreational boaters, and sportfishing enthusiasts, and is located in the picturesque Roanoke Valley in southwestern Virginia. In-town greenways, cultural diversions, diverse dining, and unique shopping discoveries await urban explorers. Whatever your vacation style, keep our list of Roanoke's top attractions and things to do handy.

1. Mill Mountain Park & the Roanoke Star

Mill Mountain Park, which is home to the famous Roanoke Star (also known as the Mill Mountain Star), has more than 10 miles of multi-use trails (hiking, walking, and biking) where visitors can experience the region's all-season natural beauty.

Take the Mill Mountain Star Trail, a 3.5-mile round-trip from the base trail, to the summit of Mill Mountain, the city's highest point at 1,703 feet, for a moderately challenging hike. Hikers are rewarded with two scenic overlooks atop the mountain after climbing 838 feet in elevation. The Star Trail parking lot, located just off Riverland Road SE at the Star/Wood Thrush Connector, has plenty of free parking and clear signage.

Connect with the short Watchtower Trail for the best panoramic views and photos right at the base of the Roanoke Star, one of Virginia's most famous landmarks. The National Register of Historic Landmarks has listed this unusual landmark, which was built in 1949 as a temporary Christmas decoration by the local merchants association. The giant star, at 89 feet in height, is America's largest star. It is visible from up to 60 miles away and is lit every evening until midnight.

Hikers are welcome to bring their leashed dogs, and there are picnic tables, restrooms, and water along the Mill Mountain Spur Trail en route to the Discovery Center, a naturalist centre with exhibits on the park, local wildlife, and trail maps. Mill Mountain Zoo, a small but lively enclave with local critters such as the Indian crested porcupine, red wolf, and yellow-spotted side-necked turtle, will appeal to children of all ages.

2. Carvins Cove Natural Reserve

Carvins Cove Natural Reserve, with more than 60 miles of trails surrounding an 800-acre reservoir, is known among locals as a haven for off-road mountain biking. The reserve, which is the second largest municipal park in the United States, spans nearly 13,000 acres, the majority of which is protected by the state of Virginia's largest conservation easement.

Trail maps are available for purchase, and bikers can get local advice on which trails are best suited for their experience level at Just The Right Gear, a cycling shop near the Bennett Springs parking lot (one of three reserve entrances — the others are Marina and Timber View). There are also rentals of high-end bikes and gear.

On the Easy Street, Kit & Kaboodle, The Skillet, and Enchanted Forest trails, beginners will find a gentler rise and more flats. On the Comet, Gauntlet, Hoe Trail, and Clownshead, riders seeking more difficult challenges will get exactly what they want. On the most difficult trails, expect to gain up to 2,400 feet in elevation.

Along these well-kept trails, riders will encounter packed dirt, loose gravel, and tamped soil. Canoeing (equipment rentals and instruction are available) and fishing are also popular activities at Carvins Cove.

3. Smith Mountain Lake

Smith Mountain Lake, one of Virginia's most popular — and the state's largest — has nearly 500 miles of shoreline, earning it the title of "Jewel of the Blue Ridge Mountains." Because state fisheries keep the lake well stocked, SML, as it's known by locals, has an especially impressive striped bass population. Anglers can book half- or full-day charters with a number of licenced guides who have plenty of experience traversing the 21,000-acre lake. They'll provide bait, equipment, and all of the necessary expertise to ensure that those fishing have a safe and enjoyable time on the water.

Crappies, bluegills, largemouth and smallmouth bass, as well as stripers, are among the tasty fish that make freshwater fishing at SML a popular tourist destination.

Waterskiing and wakeboarding, boating and sailing, and jet skiing are all fun activities to do on the lake. Swimming is also available at a family-friendly beach, and there are several golf courses nearby.

4. Roanoke Valley Greenways

The interconnected Roanoke Valley Greenway allows visitors to walk or bike along miles of trails in the area, which are safe, well-populated, and well-maintained. A popular trail in and around Roanoke is right along the Roanoke River, where deer, herons, geese, and other wildlife can be seen even in the city. Vic Thomas Park, just off Memorial Drive south of the river, is a great place to start your exploration. From there, you can easily join the Roanoke River Greenway.

A short distance away is the well-known Black Dog Salvage. Every visit to this nationally recognised purveyor of reclaimed architectural, commercial, and industrial fixtures and elements yields a fascinating, one-of-a-kind inventory. Visitors come from all 50 states to see Black Dog, which specialises in doors, windows, wrought iron, period lighting, garden statuary, and other specialty home components.

Head southeast on the Roanoke River Greenway towards Wasena Park after visiting Black Dog. At the Wasena Skate Park, kids can be seen hanging ten on their longboards. The park is always bustling with activity, and the locals' fancy footwork on their skateboards and blades is entertaining to watch.

On your way to the Tinker Creek Greenway, continue on the greenway and cross the Mill Mountain Greenway. Follow that road north for less than a mile and reward yourself with a picnic at Fallon Park's picnic area.

5. Taubman Museum of Art

The Taubman Museum of Art, one of the city's newest attractions (it opened in 2008), is a must-see for art lovers and casual culture consumers alike. The museum's permanent collection of 2,000 unique pieces is spread across 11 different galleries, including works by Thomas Cowperthwaite Eakins, Purvis Young, and John Cage, and is housed in a stunning modern design by renowned architect Randall Stout.

Visiting exhibits featuring work by some of America's best artists, including John James Audubon and Norman Rockwell, to name a few, are common. Photographic, folk art, and design-related exhibits are among the other highlights.

If you're travelling with children, look into children's programmes, such as hands-on workshops and interactive displays. On-site amenities include a café.

6. McAfee Knob

McAfee Knob is one of the most photographed places on the Appalachian Trail, thanks to its incredible vistas and spectacular rock overhang perch. The 3.5 miles of intermediate-to-difficult trails that lead up to the knob from the Virginia 311 parking lot are popular with hikers.

Climbers know it for the more than 70 gnarly sandstone and slick quartzite boulders that make for days of mini-summits. The majority of boulders are between 10 and 20 feet tall, with many crimps, jugs, pockets, and edges. Bring pads, lunch, and a buddy; it's never a good idea to go rock climbing alone, and McAfee is often deserted.

Another popular recreational area in Roanoke is the recently re-opened Explore Park, which is located just off the Blue Ridge Parkway. The park features 1,100 acres of breathtaking scenery, numerous walking and hiking trails, as well as thrilling ziplines and a treetop adventure course that is appropriate for families with younger children. It also has a visitor centre and a gift shop, as well as camping and rustic cabins.

7. Bottom Creek Gorge Preserve

Bottom Creek Gorge Preserve is a popular destination for birders, nature lovers, and photographers. Bottom Creek, located less than 20 miles south of Roanoke, is one of the most important headwaters for the Roanoke River, and it offers visitors several well-marked trails to enjoy the vast hardwood forest, unspoiled landscape, and Virginia's second highest waterfall.

For the best vantage point to photograph the 200-foot cascading waterfall, the second tallest in Virginia, photographers should take the Red Trail (the longest trail here, at five miles round-trip). Bring a long/telephoto lens because the overlook at the end of the trail offers a clear, open shot, but the falls are a long way away. A side path off the Yellow Trail leads to other viewpoints of the falls.

8. Roanoke City Market

The historic City Market, also known as the Farmers' Market by locals, is open all year and offers boutique shopping, local produce, flowers, meat and cheese, local dining favourites, and some of Virginia's best people-watching. Pay close attention to the market's four mosaic tiled entrances, each of which contains over 2,000 pounds of porcelain tiles that reveal a little bit of the history of this storied public space.

9. Roanoke Pinball Museum

We’ve recently started a new family hobby – vintage record collecting! In keeping with this new found connection over the beloved old, we were delighted to take our girls to the Roanoke Pinball Museum and show them how we entertained ourselves long before the internet.

From the 1932 styles to the slightly more modern Munster’s machine which had a baby pinball inside the bigger one to play, you could get lost in here playing over 65 machines for hours.

Prime Home Buyers is a real estate brokerage firm based in Roanoke, United States. We are known for offering an easy and quick house-selling experience to our clients.

We offer upfront selling solutions to our clients, satisfying their requirements. We have been serving as real estate investors for over a decade and know all the tricks of this trade. Prime Home Buyers can provide you with the best real estate offerings and prices. We are the experts you are looking for if you want to sell your house fast and at the best price. Besides our expertise in buying houses, we also provide commercial property investment.

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[maggyme13]

Why Licking (7/?)

Why Licking-Masterlist

Masterlist

part 7

The next time you saw the dwarf, his eyes had changed. No longer did he look at you with pity, but with pure disgust.

You did not know what was worse.

Azog was a monster who had killed and raped hundreds of women before you, you knew that, he had killed your father right before your eyes, and yet had he never harmed you; not as much as he could have.

He had cared for you.

Once your inner heat and cravings had subdued, you started to feel even more conflicted.

Now that you were purely willing, Azog used any possibility to either sleep with you or bring you to your own release; though always careful that no other orcs were around to witness him claiming his mate.

You were no longer afraid of him, and became to enjoy these times as well and a few times even started one of those times.

You were just returning from your quarters , where you had relieved yourself (Ankarth as always at your side), when you noticed that Drago had returned.

But he wasn´t alone. A handful of women kneeled in front of the pale orc as well, one even offering herself to him it seemed.

The male himself was taking a good look at her, his eyes roaming her exposed body and you felt jealousy rise.

Until know he had been yours.

You could not stand the view and thoughts that came with it, and decided to not join him- for now- and started for a way to escape.

Finding it in the form of the other pale orc you knew: Bolg.

“Bolg.”, you whispered submissively and not looking him in the eyes, “Can you take me outside to get some air? I am not feeling well and I don´t want to interrupt Azog´s meeting with Drago.

The orc in question looked you over, trying to find out what might be wrong, before nodding and grabbing the rest of his meat he had just been eating.

“Come. Ankarth, go back to Azog.” , he growled, though you only had been able to figure out the meaning of the first word during your time here.

     Bolg took a position on your right, walking you to the hidden walkway Azog used to bring you to.  

     The warg had reluctantly walked back to her master.  

     For an hour you watched the stars, trying to calm your thoughts. With passing time, you noticed Bolg staring at you and so you sighted.  

“Thank you, Bolg. I feel better now.”, you lied, already walking back to the hidden doorway.

“You are a bad liar.” ,he chuckled, but otherwise kept quiet.

     Back in the great hall, Azog was still speaking to Drago, the woman still in front of him.  

     I can´t run from this.  

“(y/n), where have you been?”, Azog growled, motioning for you to take your usual seat at his side.

“I was not feeling well, so I asked Bolg to escort me outside to get some fresh air.”, you answered truthfully, having a feeling what he just had demanded to know.

The woman sneered at you, her eyes burning with hate. You were in a place she wanted to be in.

The male orcs eyes flickered over you, trying to figure out what had been wrong with you.

Greeting Drago with a curt nod, you began to scratch the white warg behind her ears.

“Drago has returned with his riders and bought presents with him.”, the leader rumbled into you ear, motioning at the larger orc and the woman in front of you.

     The dwarf had been brought to the smithies earlier that day.  

     Please no more slaves. Especially not her.  

“He brought you clothing as well. It was already brought to our chambers.”

His eyes kept wandering to the prisoners in front of them, an evil glint in them.

“What do you think we shall do with these slaves. I promised some to Drago and his men. He offered us one-”, he rumbled and even though you couldn´t understand him, you had a strong feeling what he wanted, due to his body language.

“I don´t want them.”, you told him in a hushed tone, at once fearing you had crossed a line, “I – I mean, there won´t be any use for them. Why not gift them to your men as a reward.”

     His silence was deafening, until a deep rumble vibrated through his chest. He was laughing.  

“You heard my mate. See it as a reward and once you and your men are finished send one or two of them to the kitchens to serve there until you need them again.”

“Yes Azog. My men and I will enjoy your mate´s generous gift.”, the wargskin wearing orc growled, and at once did his orcs grab the women and dragged them through the cheering crowed.

     The one that had tried to woo Azog was silent, though her eyes set with anger towards you. She had heard what you had said.  

     Once you were alone with the giant orc again, you felt the jealousy leave your system with every passing second.  

     You felt his hand move around you side and not a second later you were seated in front of him; his chest strong and warm against you back. His mouth was pressed against your scalp.  

“I know why you did this. Fear not, for I chose you as my mate. Her behaviour just amused me, for she thought she could play me. You will be the only female, as I am your only male. Maybe I need to remind and show you.”, he licked his mark, “The day was long. Come, we will retire to our room and I will remind you of your place at my side.”

Having already learned the words for what you assumed were `your room´, you figured he wanted to leave for today.

Standing up, you walked by his side to your chambers where you found a huge pile of clothing laying on the table.

You felt exited about looking what had been brought for you.

Azog at once got rid of his armour and prosthetic, only to return at your side; his hand was roaming over your body to the hem of your shirt to lift it over your body and leave you naked in front of his eyes.

Arousal burned through your veins and you leaned into his touch.

“You became so responsive since we first met. Join me in the bath, and then I want you to show me what Drago brought for you.”, he caressed your body, almost worshipping your mere existence, “Why should I chose that woman over my own Mate? You were made for me. I don´t want anyone else and one day you will carry my offspring. But for now I will just enjoy having you.”

  It was the next morning.

You laid snuggled against the male´s chest and side.

The Dwarf was still sleeping in his corner (he had returned later that evening and you made sure he was well fed).

“What has you thinking?”, Azog kissed against your skalp.

“I can not understand what you are saying, but you seem to understand me.”

“I understand you just well. But can not speak your tongue. Do you want to learn our language? I will teach you happily.”

“Can you teach me?”, you breathed, your fingers trailing his muscles and scars, earning yourself a soft purr.

His hand took a hold on your blossom.

Laying on his back beneath the furs, his member was visibly erected and you felt arousal gather between your legs; you had come to like riding him, and straddled his hips. A approving growl left his throat.

Rolling your hips, your coated his member with your natural lubrication, before letting him slide into you- very slowly.

“What you are calling me- mhm- what does it mean?”, you moaned.

“Mate?”

“Yes that one. What are you calling me?”

“Mate. Mine.”, he growled, his hand reaching above your chest and then moving to his.

“Love? Partner?- mhm.”

“No.”

“Wife?”, you asked further, “Yours?”

“Yes. Mine.”, he growled, moving to a sitting position, changing the angle of his member inside of you in the process.

“Ohhmhmmm.”, you moaned, letting your head to a rest on against his chest.

     Your breathing became more and more laboured.  

     His hand tangled into your hair, pulling and exposing your neck and his mark to him.  

“Mine.”, he growled one more time before his teeth embedded themselves into your skin, drawing blood and him cuming inside of you.

     Your release followed soon after.  

“You smell even more delicious than usual,”, he breathed into your ear, “I can not keep away from you.”

He stood behind you, while you got dressed into one of the new dresses. His hand and mouth never leaving your skin.

The whole morning he kept touching, licking and nibbling at your skin. A bulge beneath his loincloth.

He could not take his hand of you and when you felt his seed from the morning session leave your body, his whole behaviour changed.

His hand cupped your mound, his prosthetic lifting your dress on your backside and pressing you against his middle. His erection pressed against your core.

 Is he going to take me in front of all these orcs?

“Azog, wha-”

“So delicious, your scent. I will show everyone who you are. I have to have you now.”

Not able to comprehend what was going on, you only realized he had pulled his loincloth aside, when his dick entered you. He kneeled behind you, pushing you to fall forward.

Relentlessly he pounded into you, with such a force, your arms gave out beneath you and your chest rubbed over the furs. Your lose hair covering your eyes.

The orcs hand had a painful grip on your hip, you knew would bruise.

With a roar he emptied his balls, only to sit down again- still inside of you.

“No. We will stay like this.”, he rumbled when you wanted to slip off him.

Embarrassment and heat rose in your face; his little need had caught the attention of every single orc and now the whole cave was staring at you and their leader.

Whimpering in discomfort under their gazes, you felt humiliated even more than the first time Azog had seen you naked.

You wanted to run and hide.

“One more time.”,he growled ,”Than we will go to watch the new wargs. Maybe we can find you your own.”

He hadn´t even stopped talking when he once more pounded into you in front of everybody.

Unbeknownst to you, did this strengthen your place within the orc. With his mark and him claiming you like this, were you proven to be his mate and almost like a queen to them. If anyone would try to harm you, every single orc would come to your protection. Would you give orders, they would follow them.

Now you were really untouchable.

What you did not know, was hoe important that would be in the future.

Finally Azog slipped out from beneath you, straightening your skirt again, before gently pulling you to your feet.

He guided you through the crowed of bowing (?) orcs and into the larger entrance cave.

In the distance you could see the sun shine through the hole in the wall.

Wargs were running freely, and you even saw a mother with a young litter.

 Cute.

It was that female you walked towards, another orc joined you soon.

“Hello Azog. This litter is promising. The father is Grey Fang. Drago´s Warg. They will be strong and loyal, and ready to be trained within the next three moons.”,the new orc stated.

     The mother warg looked manacing, though she tolerated you standing this close to her and her pups. She was of an beautiful brownish-red colour, with her eyes being the colour of honey.  

     She is so beautiful.  

 The pups were of different colours: one looked like it´s mother, two were grey and one was almost black with dark grey dots.

 It was the last one who was the most curious, it tabbed towards you, its head held high in interest.

 You just wanted to coo of cuteness, when its sharp baby-teeth embedded themselves into your calve.

“Ouch!”, you jerked away, unfortunately ripping your skin open in the process. It whined and tumbled away, rolling over it´s back and making itself as small as possible. The mother growled threateningly, making a step towards you, but stopped once she realized no harm had come to her kid.

“That pup will be trained for my mate. It will make a good protector.”, Azog ordered, smiling at the small warg.

“I will see to it.”, the other orc nodded, bowing his head. Their conversation was deaf to your ears. Your own concentration on the pulsing pane in your leg.

     How sharp are these baby-teeth? By the Valar.  

“Show me your leg.”, Azog rumbled, reaching for your leg, “It is not deep, but needs cleaning. Come I will take care of it in our quarters.”

Part 8

[introspectivereflectionz-blog]

Not So Sweet

It was 2014 and 25 17-year-old students, including myself, were in AP English reading Wild: From Lost and Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed. Not many of us knew what a Pacific Crest Trail was or knew how to hike but our teacher was adamant that we read this book. For those of us who haven’t read the book or at least seen the movie, Wild is about a young-woman named Cheryl Strayed who at the age of 26; hikes the Pacific Crest Trail from the Mojave Desert in California all the way up to Oregon by herself. The reason for her journey is that after the death of her mother at the age of 22, she turned to a life of promiscuity and drugs to help her cope with her grief.

           As a 17-year-old reading the book, I did not quite understand the concept of grief and trauma. I just knew bad shit happened and when it does, go cry your river, build your bridge, and get over it. I didn’t understand that grief and trauma can manifest itself in the ways that it manifested in Cheryl Strayed. My images of grief always included people in black crying into handkerchiefs at a funeral; not a woman injecting heroin into her ankle and sleeping with random men. So, like most teenagers I wise cracked about how she used the death of her mother as an excuse to be a hoe.

           Back on Friday, October 5th, I went on a hike with a friend of mines on the Sugarloaf Mountain in Dickerson, Maryland. It wasn’t anything huge or grandiose like the Pacific Crest Trail or the Appalachian Trail, but it was quite a feat for someone out of shape such as me. Most of the time I was alone running into brush and/or slipping down rocks because my partner was an adept hiker and trails like this were just mere child’s play to him and in this alone time, I remember Cheryl Strayed. I remembered the story I laughed at 4 years earlier and in the middle of the Blue trail, I took off my pack and sat on a rock. I listened to the sound of birds, the rushing of the stream down the mountain, and the wind rustling the leaves of the tree. I took a deep breath of the crisp, mountainous air, and I thought, “I am her.”

           Like Cheryl Strayed, I experienced grief and trauma. I am a survivor of sexual abuse, I grew up in a home where I witnessed domestic violence, and my mother early in my childhood was very neglectful and would abandon us for weeks on end. I am also a daughter that was left behind due to parental suicide. At the tail end of 2017, my life started to spiral out of control. On top of the grief and trauma that I was trying to work with; my grandmother, aunt, and uncle died all within a month apart from each other which prolonged the dark cloud that was hanging over my head. Around this time, I also had a horrible habit of drinking profusely and putting my happiness into the hands of men hoping that they will nurture my aching heart back to health but, I always ended up being hurt and back in the bars and on Tinder.

           Two weeks after my Uncle’s funeral in January, I thought I met the man of my dreams. He not only took my heart and nurtured it but, he showed me what love is supposed to look like. He showed me that love was not supposed to hurt and betray you and that it was supposed to empower and uplift you. There were many red flags in the beginning but, I willfully ignored them because I so desperately wanted him to be the answer to my prayers. Unfortunately, in June I drunkenly called him after a happy hour turned into a happy night propositioning him to let me come over for a night of sex only to hear another female’s voice on the other end of the phone. This sent my spiraling down into a suicidal psychosis. I flirted with the idea of suicide throughout my life, but I had had enough of the pain and my ex’s cheating was enough to drive me over the edge.

           I was walking down Southwest Waterfront hysterically begging and pleading for him not to do this to me with him just offering rebuttal after rebuttal. I had a suicide note in my purse and I had a box cutter that I used on the train earlier to slit my wrists to get me to calm down. It was my intention to slit my wrist and drown myself in the Anacostia River that night but, something told me to live. I called 911 and told them that they had one minute to get to me before I turned the corner which led to the Marina in which I was going to make my last stand. At the grace of God, there was a car already on patrol and they arrived and took me to George Washington University Hospital to get treated.

           Now four months later, I was on the Sugarloaf Mountain realizing the power that I had within myself. It’s something about being on a mountain looking down that makes you realize how badass you are. You feel like a giant looking out and seeing how small and insignificant the world is. You start to realize that everything that happened to you leading up to that point was nothing but a test that you needed to pass before you reach your full potential. Like Cheryl Strayed, I dealt with grief, trauma, substance abuse, and promiscuity and like her, nature helped me to start the process of healing. Once I got my ass off the rock, I was determined to summit that mountain. This was a test that I MUST pass.

           As the hike continued, each incline became symbolic of all the adversities I overcame. Every cut and scrape became a reminder to not get too ahead of myself and to stay focused on the path ahead. I blazed that mountain determined that from here on out there was nothing that I couldn’t overcome. I was a goddess who is strong, beautiful, intelligent, brave, and deserving of love from others but most importantly herself. As we got closer and closer to the summit, I was starting to feel accomplished. A wave of emotion started to overcome me. I was finally about to complete this task that was going to kick start my journey to wellness but, shit started to happen. My hiking partner and I got lost and the sun was starting to go down. When we finally found the trail that lead to the summit, we were exhausted, hungry, and hiking up and coming back down would eat up most of the daylight that we had left.

           On the way down the mountain, I grew discouraged. This one task that I set out to do, I couldn’t do it. That same negative voice that nagged at me for years and years was screaming, “Failure!” “Alcoholic Slut!” “Fat Ass!” and for a second, I believed her and that’s when I remembered Cheryl Strayed. She did not hike the full trail. The Pacific Crest Trail extends all the way from the Mojave Desert into Canada. She stopped in Oregon. I picked my head back up and looked at my step calculator on my phone. That day I walked 8.1 miles! I walked the full length of the White Trail (the longest trail on the mountain) and then some. When we finally came out of the forested mountain onto a paved road leading back to the car, I saw the beautiful sunset that painted the blue sky with hues that ranged from magenta to orange and this lush, green field with a pond next to it that had geese dutifully lined up along its edge. I finally saw the sunshine.

           I spent most of my life looking at the bad that I forgot the good that was within me. Looking out onto that sunset made me realize that my goal in life was not to be perfect at everything but, it is to give life the best that I got. It is to try and try and keep trying until I succeed in what it is that God has planned for me. It is going to take some time but, I must be humble and patient. The Sugarloaf Mountain taught me that reaching the summit is not the most important thing, it taught me that giving it the best you got is what counts. On the ride back to the hustle and bustle of Washington, D.C. I told myself that I was going to summit that mountain by any means necessary and I will train and condition everyday if I must. I also told myself that I will take my life back into my hands. I will finish school, be successful, cut back on my drinking, and stop relying on men to make me whole.

           My journey on the Sugarloaf Mountain can be described by the words of Cheryl Strayed that I read when I was 17 years old “Uncertain that I was as I pushed forward, I felt right in my pushing, as if the effort itself meant something. That perhaps being amidst the undesecrated beauty of the wilderness meant I too could be undesecrated, regardless of the regrettable things I’d done to others or myself or the regrettable things that had been done to me. Of all the thigs I’d been skeptical about, I didn’t feel skeptical about this: the wilderness had a clarity that included me.”

           I AM WILD.

           -Tiana Minter 2018

[rauthschild]

I’m From The USNA Slap-A-Hoe Sovereignty Not From You African-American’s City of London, Washington DC and Vatican City 

World events most of which are ‘engineered’ leave a trail that leads to the architects. We next discover that there are 3 cities on earth that come under no national authority, they have separate laws, they pay no taxes, they have their own police force and even possess their own flag of ‘independence’. These 3 cities control the economy, military onslaughts and the spiritual beings of those in powers. The 3 cities are actually corporations and they are the City of London, District of Columbia and the Vatican. Together they control politicians, the courts, educational institutions, food supply, natural resources, foreign policies, economies, media, and the money flow of most nations as well as 80% of the world’s entire wealth. Their ultimate aim is to build a totalitarian rule on a global scale where people will be divided into rulers and the ruled after they have depopulated the world to numbers they wish to rule over. What we need to understand is that the world does not work according to what we have been led to believe. We are drowning in misinformation.

At the center of each city state are giant phallic shaped stone monuments called obelisks.

London obelisk (aka Cleopatra’s Needle): Located on the banks of the River Thames, this obelisk was transported to London and erected in 1878 under the reign of Queen Victoria. The obelisk originally stood in the Egyptian city of On, or Heliopolis (the City of the Sun). The Knights Templars’ land extended to this area of the Thames, where the Templars had their own docks. Either side of the obelisk is surrounded by a sphinx, more symbolism dating back to the ancient world.

In D.C. the obelisk is known as the Washington monument was dedicated to George Washington by the secretive brotherhood of Freemason Grand Lodge of the District of Columbia in 1848. They also contributed 22 masonic memorial stones. 250 masonic lodges financed the Washington monument obelisk including the knights templar masonic order.

Vatican obelisk: Located in St. Peter’s Square, was moved from Egypt to its current location, in 1586. The circle on the ground represents the female vagina, while the obelisk itself is the penis. This is commonly known as occult symbolism.

The Roman Empire prevails through the:

1.   CITY OF LONDON INC 

The City of London was formed when the Romans arrived in Great Britain 2000 years ago and started a trading post on the River Thames. Exactly 1000 years later William the Conqueror (King William III) gave sovereign status to the City of Londoners in 1694 allowing them to continue enjoying separate rights and privileges so long as they recognized him as King. The Kings that succeeded William however, decided to build a new capital city and named it Westminster. There have been numerous instances of the King and the City’s Mayor at loggerheads with each other.

What is peculiar is that laws passed by the British Parliament does not apply to the City of London. 

However the City of London is not an independent nation like the Vatican.

Today the City of London is a one-square mile city. The 2 Londons have separate city halls and elect separate mayors, who collect separate taxes to fund separate police who enforce separate laws. City of London has its own separate flag and crest while London city does not. The Mayor of the City of London has a fancy title ‘The Right Honourable the Lord Mayor of London’ and rides a golden carriage to Guildhall while the Mayor of London wears a suit and takes a bus. The Mayor of London has no power over the Right Honorable Lord Mayor of London (City of London). What’s unique is that the City of London is a Corporation and older than the United Kingdom but has a representative in the UK Parliament through a person known as the ‘Remembrancer’ who is present to protect the ‘City’s interests.

The City of London houses

·        Rothschild controlled ‘Bank of England’

·        Lloyds of London

·        The London Stock Exchange

·        All British Banks

·        The Branch offices of 384 Foreign Banks

·        70 USA Banks

·        Fleet Streets Newspaper and Publishing Monopolies

·        Headquarters for Worldwide Freemasonry

·        Headquarters for the worldwide money cartel known as ’THE CROWN’

The City of London is controlled by the Bank of England, a private corporation owned by the Rothschild family after Nathan Rothschild crashed the English stock market in 1812 and took control of the Bank of England.

The Queen refers to the City of London Corporation as the ‘Firm’  but it is known as The CROWN (not representing the Royalty of Britain). Buckingham Palace is in London but not in the City of London and the City is not part of England.

City of London directly and indirectly controls all mayors, councils, regional councils, multi-national and trans-national banks, corporations, judicial systems (through Old Bailey, Temple Bar and the Royal Courts of Justice in London), the IMF, World Bank, Vatican Bank (through N. M. Rothschild & Sons London Italian subsidiary Torlonia), European Central Bank, United States Federal Reserve (which is privately owned and secretly controlled by eight British-controlled shareholding banks), the Bank for International Settlements in Switzerland (which is also British-controlled and oversees all of the Reserve Banks around the world including our own) and the European Union and the United Nations Organization.  The Crown controls the global financial system and runs the governments of all Commonwealth countries, and many non-Commonwealth ‘Western’ nations as well (like Greece). The Crown traces back to the Vatican, which is headed by the Pope (who owns American Express)  In essence the City of London Corporation would become the “One World Earth Corporation” and would privately own the world. 

 2.   Washington DC (District of Colombia)

Washington DC is not part of the USA. District of Columbia is located on 10 sq miles of land. DC has its own flag and own independent constitution. This constitution operates under a tyrannical Roman law known as Lex Fori. DC constitution has nothing to do with the American Constitution. The Act of 1871 passed by Congress created a separate corporation known as THE UNITED STATES & corporate government for the District of Columbia. Thus DC acts as a Corporation through the Act. The flag of Washington’s District of Columbia has 3 red stars (the 3 stars denoting DC, Vatican City and City of London).

A look at the various Treaties raises the question of whether US remains a British Crown colony. The basis of this goes back to the first Charter of Virginia in 1606 that granted Britain the right to colonize America and gave the British King/Queen to hold sovereign authority over colonized America and its citizens. Colonized America was created after stealing America from the Native Indians. If America was colonized with British subjects these people are subjects of the British Government.

To negate this was the Treaty of 1783 declaring independence from Great Britain. However, this Treaty identifies the King/Queen of England as the Prince of the United States. 

Nevertheless, according to the Bouviers Law dictionary in ‘monarchical governments’ a subject owes permanent allegiance to the monarch in which case the British subjects in colonized America owed permanent allegiance to the monarch.

The reverse is applicable under Constitutional law where allegiance is owed to the sovereign and to the laws of a sovereign government and natives are both subjects and citizens.

The issue is if a war was fought in 1781 and America became victor why would Britain need to sign a Treaty in 1783? When US has won a war, America should not require the British monarch to cede land and refer to himself as Prince of the Holy Roman Empire and of the United States? There is also the issue of the use of the term ‘Esquire’ given that it is a title of nobility again showing allegiance to the Queen/King and when Benjamin Franklin, John Jay Esquire and John Adams signing on behalf of the US use the name ‘Esquire’ it is raising the question of how valid the 1783 Treaty is. John Jay went on to sign the 1794 Treaty between England and US raising again why 13 years after the Paris Treaty the US needs to sign a Treaty with England if US was really ‘independent’.

What needs to be further investigated is why US still continues to pay tax to the City if it is a free nation?

The 1794 Treaty signed between England and the US was negotiated by John Jay Esquire who negotiated the 1783 Treaty. The question is why would US need to sign Treaty’s with England 13 years after the Paris Treaty of 1783 declaring US independent? Why would Article 6 and Article 12 continue to dictate terms to an ‘independent’ America?

Further reading of US history would reveal what happened to America when it cancelled the Charter of the First National Bank in 1811 and immediately afterwards 4500 British troops arrived and burnt down the White House, both Houses of Congress, the War Office, the US State Department and Treasury and destroyed the ratification records (signed by 12 US states) of the US Constitution wherein the 13th Amendment was to stop anyone receiving a Title of nobility or honor from serving the US Government. The 1812 war lasted 3 years and the Bank Charter was re-established in 1816 after the ratification of the Treaty of Ghent in 1815. Note:  13th amendment which was ratified in 1810 no longer appears in current copies of the U.S. constitution.

In 1913 the Federal Reserve was passed by US Congress handing over America’s gold and silver reserves and total control of America’s economy to the Rothschild banksters. The Federal Reserve is a privately owned banking system that does not belong to America or Americans.

It is no better a time to question whether US is a country or a corporation and the US President and officials at the Congress are working for that Corporation and not for the American people. It appears that the US Corporation is owned by the same country that owns Canada, Australia and New Zealand whose leaders are all serving the Queen in her Crown Land and US too has been and remains a crown colony that belong to the Empire of the 3 City States – City of London, Vatican City and Washington DC. The US president is nothing more than a figurehead for the central bankers and the transnational corporations - both of which are controlled by High Ecclesiastic Freemasonry from the City of London the home of the global financial system.

3.   Vatican City

The Vatican City is not part of Italy or Rome. The Vatican is the last true remnant of the Roman Empire. The State of Israel is also said to be a Roman outpost. The Vatican’s wealth includes investments with the Rothschilds in Britain, France and US and with oil and weapons corporations as well. The Vatican’s billions are said to be in Rothschild controlled ‘Bank of England’ and US Federal Reserve Bank. The money possessed by the Vatican is more than banks, corporations or even some Governments and questions why the wealth is not used to elevate at least the Christian poor when it preaches about giving?

Vatican wealth has been accumulated over the centuries by taxing indulgences, some Popes have sold tickets to heaven. Today, they are harvesting souls in Asia as a 3rd Millennium goal.

Together the 3 Cities have under their wing various societies and groups placed globally with their own so that no one contests their global plan and those that do …well all the assassinations will explain what happens.

The Fabian Society is one such entity which written in 1887 is a mixture of fascism, Nazism, Marxism and communism. It is not hard to now imagine that all these ‘ideologies’ would have also been engineered by the same people. It should come as no surprise then to discover that the Fabian Society is accredited with creating Communist China, Fascism in Italy and Germany and Socialism globally as well. How far people have been fooled and also explains the role played by the Fabian Society in formulating policies for the decolonized British Empire. It would also mean that quite a number of British educated natives given the mantle of leading the newly independent nations would have also been members of the Fabian society. The communist takeover of Russia too is said to be the work of the British Fabian Society financed by the City of London banking families.

A closer look at entities like the Bank Of International Settlements (BIS), International Monetary Fund (IMF), Club Of Rome, The Committee Of 300, the Central ‘Intelligence’ Agency (CIA), the Council On Foreign Relations, The Tri-Lateral Commission, The Bilderberg Groups, the ‘Federal’ Reserve System, the Internal Revenue Service(s), Goldman Sachs, Israel and the Israeli lobby, the Vatican, the City of London, Brussels, the United Nations, the Israeli Mossad, and Associated Press (AP) will reveal that they are all part of the Fabian Society which also controls the European Union.

A noteworthy quote is that of Australian Senator Chris Schacht who said in 2001 “You probably were not aware that us Fabians have taken over the CIA, KGB, M15, ASIO (Australian Security Intelligence Organization), IMF, the World Bank and many other organizations.”

From all this we should realize that NOTHING HAPPENS IN ISOLATION. Therefore, every event however small is engineered and orchestrated by a handful of people who control the world and what goes on in the world.

Together they have been responsible for

1.   Global Warming/Climate change – by creating an environmental catastrophe and winning the Nobel Prize, they have created a public awareness for a ‘global government’ that gives them the right to take action over national governments. Known as UN Agenda 21 a closer look at its clauses will reveal how people will need to get permission for everything they do – in other words it is being used to control people.

2.   Federal Banking system – The Fabian Society created the Federal Reserve Act in 1913 handing over the US economy to a cartel of international financiers.

3.   Big Pharma – is responsible for drugging the Third World

4.   System of local government – promoting devolution and new concept of regional councils in a bid to increase a revenue generating system. It is within an overall plan to abolish independent sovereign national governments. Britain is divided in 9 separate regions of the EU. The British will be shocked to discover that EU laws take precedence over British laws and if they have doubts they need to ask why the Queen and British PMs have signed Treaties handing over power.

5.  Abolition of property rights – in 1974 at the Habitat Conference private property was identified as a threat to peace and equality of the environment. Using ‘environmentalism’ as a ploy the quest was to take over earth’s resources and place it under a central authority (UN) and issue licenses for payment. Who owns the UN…the same banking families. In 1987 the World Wilderness Congress was held organized by the Rothschild’s World Conservation Bank which was set up the same year. The World Bank is likely to be replaced by the World Conservation Bank – the aim is to break down national banks and assets will also be diverted to the new bank which is why there is an aim to merge currencies into 2 or  3 major currency groups and replace them with a new electronic currency which is said to be called the ‘earth dollar’. New Zealand has apparently transferred over 34% of its land area into UN Heritage Areas and Conservation Parks and these will all be owned by the same banking families. In 1992 the UN Conference on Environment and Development in Brazil was chaired by Mikhail Gorbachev responsible for dividing the Soviet Union and Maurice Strong, the Rothschild London agent. The topic was Agenda 21 which gave man rights superior to animals, fish, plants, trees and forests.

6.  The Patriots Act, the Human Rights Bill, the European Union Constitution, the Security and Prosperity Partnership are all being manipulated to place power in the control of a few hands. Their plans are plotted annually through the Bilderberg Group and their agents run numerous think tanks that steer Government policy which are funded by the banksters who in real terms run the world. Thus the 13 banking families that run the world control the central banks of the world that print money, give loans on interest and explains how national debt never decreases. Economic crises, oil crisis (simply to increase prices), Arab Springs are all manufactured as are wars. There is a saying that all wars and bankers wars. The danger is when it comes to food as the control is being placed under Monsanto and GMOs. Monsanto is the same company that introduced Agent Orange therefore it is worthwhile reading UN’s Codex Alimentarius and the impeding dangers.

On that note, Slap A Hoe Telling You To Register To Vote In A Foreign Colonial Corporate Slave System. 

Sincerely yours,  

The United States of North America - The Republic of North America 

[magic5ball]

Nature Trail to Hell Arc II: Watt Outta Hell (2)

Chapter 2: I am Captured by Deinonychus Gangsters

           I woke up on a craps table, surrounded by demons. Well, I didn’t know it was a craps table at the time, just that there were a bunch of plastic chips everywhere. I’m just glad I was undead, otherwise the combination of plaster and smoke surrounding me would probably have given me asphyxiation. Normally, I’d try to run, but my body felt like it had just fallen through a building, which judging by the combination of plaster and sawdust around me, it most likely had. If there was one silver lining, the hellions around the table were at least less horrible than a certain purple dinosaur.  

Not to say they didn’t have all sorts of hideous forms, some of which probably weren’t from this plane of existence, but they all had one thing in common: Goodwill clothes. I could tell because the clothes at those stores always have this weird smell of white walls and charity that clings to them no matter where they go, like a ghost constantly reminding their owners they’re hand-me-downs. Weird combinations, too: there were trifolds over bandanas, pinstripe jackets over tye-dye shirts-all odd and mismatched as the abominations that wore them. An insect-looking one was even wearing a ‘shirt’ that was just a baseball cap with arm holes. And in the middle of all of them, at the other end of the table, was the biggest demon of all. I still remember him clear as day: all dark, no face, high as the ceiling with horns as tall as me. I reckoned he was the leader on account of him being the only one with decent clothes, though where he got suspenders and a white button down in his size I will never know. A pair of panama hats were skewered on each of his giant horns.

The demon leaned forward, his empty face mere inches from mine. His breath smelled like bologna.

“I. WIN!” He said, in a voice that surprised me with how human it sounded. I could even hear a tinge of an Australian accent in there.

Then I realized he wasn’t looking at me, but a pair of dice that were next to my head.

“Like shit you did.” Came a voice from the other side of the table. “It only landed that way ‘cause some punk landed on the forking table!”

Its’ source leaned in until his face was right over mine. If it weren’t for the fall knocking all the wind out of me, I would have squealed like a kid on Christmas Day. Towering right above me was the face of none other than one of the velociraptors from Jurassic Park, wearing a plastic green tennis visor. “By the way, you filthy piece of shiv!” he told me “You’re paying for these forking property damages!”

Some other stuff happened, though at the moment I was so caught up in my dinosaur obsession (and several broken bones) I barely noticed.

What I do remember is that apparently the big demon had gotten two sixes, which when combined with his previous two rolls, which were also sixes, which were rolled on the sixth day of the sixth hour of the sixth minute of the sixth second of the sixth Deci second of the sixth millisecond, meant that he had the Porcelain God’s favor and therefore the jackpot. The raptor (whose name turned out to be Shizzle) argued the last six was a three until some moron landed on the table, to which the demon pointed out that there were no official rules against somebody landing on the table, at least when you played by the Rules of Ifnir, which they were. Long story short, Shizzle took out a rulebook while the demon took away all the plastic chips, followed by a posse of lesser demons cheering “Leroy beat the house! Leroy built the house!” as they danced out of the casino.

Schizzle glared at me with a look that could cut glass.

“You rotten piece of shit! I have half the mind to slice you in half right here and now! Too bad for you I’m in a really bad mood, so I’m gonna pawn you off on A-Hole!”

As he dragged me off the table (surprisingly strong given how thin he was) I saw he was wearing an armband and a vest clearly not meant for a dinosaur. We headed through rows and rows of demons playing with bright lights and slot machines, all covered by a lair of smoke.

We stopped in a room that reminded me way too much of a dentist’s office, except instead of a reception desk there was a door with a plaque that read ‘A-hole’ and the television played nothing but Fox News. Shizzle sat me down in one of the chairs and tied me to it using some string from his vest.

“Alright punk. I know what you’re thinking: that because it’s your first day in the underworld, everything is gonna go easy for you. But guess what, shivhead! Life ain’t that simple. Down here, if you scratch somebody, you best be prepared to get scratched hard. And A-hole? He scratches harder than anybody! See this?”

Shizzle turned around, revealing a tattoo of a piece of poop on his tushie, complete with flies and stink marks. I know it doesn’t sound that great the way I’m saying it, but it was like, Da Vinci level artistry. Below it, in cursive almost too fancy to read, was written ‘I am a doo-doo head’.

“That’s from when I forgot to flush. Doesn’t matter if you’re new, doesn’t matter if using a toilet is hard when you have a long-asp tail, A-hole doesn’t give. A. Crap. And not just ‘cause he’s constipated!”

I tried best I could to shake out of my chair, but it was no good. For someone without opposable thumbs, Shizzle had locked me up tight.

Without another word, he went out back into the casino, leaving me along with the roaring voices on Fox News. I struggled against my ropes, eager to escape, until the noise of the television hypnotized me. The weird thing is, I didn’t understand half the things they were saying, though I will say this: I understood it more than my Dad did, and if I squinted my eyes at the right angle the guys onscreen turned into monkeys. Also like with my Dad, someone came to take me away just as the exciting part was happening. (They were about to discuss red paint’s communist agenda). That someone was another raptor, a bit more feathery than Schizzle, but with a floral dress from a 60’s fashion magazine paired with an equally gaudy pair of high heels that I’m still not entirely sure how she got into. A chill went down my spine as I saw the blood flowing down her mouth, at least until I realized it was just poorly applied lipstick.

“Good afternoon, dearie. Welcome to A-hole’s. My name is Hoe, and I’ll be taking you to our main office, where you’ll receive the ultimate punishment shortly.”

Back in school, there was this one kid named Don Beasly who’d sometimes imitate girls’ voices for fun. This lady (at least, I thought she was a lady) sounded just like him. Lifting my chair, she took me into the office, which smelled of dead, even by afterlife standards. It looked dead, too, with the grey walls so shot through with bullet holes it’d look like it would come crumbling down any minute. Not exactly the kind of room I’d want to spend more than a minute in if I’d had the choice. Which of course I didn’t. There was a back window, but it was gated over and blurred by something that looked like mucous. And in front of this window, under his own personal yellow spotlight, was the most mature raptor I’d ever seen. I could tell he was mature because he held a cigar in one hand and a jar of prunes in the other. A tiny handlebar mustache was glued to his face.

“So you’re the asp who lost my money, huh? Landed on the craps table?”

Before I could talk, he added

“Of course I’m right, dumbasp. That was a rhetorical question. But now, onto the real questions: Do you know who I am?”

“A… a velociraptor?”

A-Hole’s cigarette dropped to the table, where it caught a bunch of papers on fire. He looked at me with what can only be described as a death glare, the light from the fire casting shadows under his scaly face.

“What did you just say?”

“V-velociraptor?”

He slammed his claws on the desk, breathing so heavy I could feel it from ten feet away. He just stood there, staring and breathing for several minutes, then he was calm. Too calm, actually.

“You know pal, I was thinking off letting ya off the hook, see? Sure, you cost us over a million Hellbucks in property damage alone, but I’m a nice guy, see? But please-“

He walked right up to me, putting a claw under my chin just enough to draw a trickle of blood.

“Nobody ever, ever compares me and my crew me to one of those dirty, lecherous Velossis, see?”

He returned to his desk; clapped his claws.

“F-Bomb!” he called to nowhere in particular “Give our guest a taste of the usual.” The way he said the last part nearly made my toenails fall off.

Another ra- I mean, Deinonychus, burst in from the door behind us. At first I didn’t think much of him, since he looked more like a fuzzy chicken than the others, and was about the size of one, too. But if I’ve learned one thing about dinosaurs in my journeys through the Underworld, it’s that if the dino is wearing an eyepatch and a fedora, he usually means business. Or tastes good served with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy. If it weren’t for his small size, he would have been intimidating, though the folding table and covered serving platter he carried made him give off more of a waiter vibe.

“Listen the fork up, forkface!” he screeched, setting up the table “The forkin’ name’s motherforkin’ F-Bomb, and I was having a forkin’ good time until you done forked it up with your forkin’ little scene on the forkin’ craps table!”

Now, I had no idea what the hey was on that serving platter, but if the smell coming from it was any indignation, I did not want to find out. Fortunately, even with my limbs tied up, yours truly still has one trick left up his sleeves. It was a gamble, since there was no gurantee it would work on dinosaurs, but at that moment there was nothing else to lose (well, except my dignity).

At first, F-bomb stared at me, clearly baffled by what I was doing. Then he got angry. “What the fork are you doin’ with your forkin’ eyes, you forkin’ punk?! Sweet Porcelain Forkin’ God, they look like forkin’ watermelons! Is this some kinda forkin’ trap?!! Are those forkin bombs? BOSS!! I think this guy has forkin’ bombs in his eyes!!!!!!!!!”

A-Hole was reclining in his chair, clawed feet on the desk, head blocked by a catalogue of L.L. Bean’s winter clothing catalogue (which I later learned was the official catalogue of Hell).

“F-Bomb, ya retarded turd! That’s what the overlanders call a ‘puppy dog face’. Dumb as shiv kids use it ta make their parents inta personal slaves or somethin’. Now would you kindly leave me the fork alone?! I just got to this real engrossing part about the importance of fashionable snow boots, see!”

Though I couldn’t see myself, I know by F-Bomb’s widening grin that it had melted into the look of despair. Especially after F-Bomb scratched me in the face.

“So that’s it, ya forkin’ punk?! You thing you can forkin’ screw with me?! What the actual forkity fork!” He hopped on the table, walking up to me until my nose touched his. “Now get ready to be forkin’ served.” His breath smelled just like I imagined raw meat would.

Stepping back, he lifted the lid of the platter, releasing a foul smelling mist that practically made me gag. When it cleared, I saw the platter had a tiny silver fork, and next to that fork was what I like to call ‘the tree of death’: a vile creation, one that since I was a kid had always stood between me and glorious, glorious dessert, whose tyranny I had sought to escape again and again, but could never escape. It was only fitting that here, in the depths of Hell, it would find me again.

“Now before ya ask, yes, I forkin’ know this is forkin’ broccoli, ya forkin’ genius. But this ain’t your forkin’ retarded fork of a Grandma’s forkin’ broccoli.” He pointed to a little halo that mysteriously hung over the little floret. As he did, I swore I could hear an angelic chorus in the distance. “This is forkin’ holy broccoli, watered with only the purest forkin’ holy water and the son’s forkin’ pee, fertilized in the soil of forkin’ Eden, and grown in the light of the forkin’ Lord himself. The level of vitamin forkin’ K in this forkin’ thing is too good for this sinful world. And when it gets in your forkin’ belly, the rapid influx of vitamins will slowly poison you before making your forkin’ head explode!”

I shook me chair, but it was no good. I wasn’t going anywhere.

“Nice forkin’ try, buster!” he taunted, bringing the flower of death closer to my mouth “But there’s no forkin’ way the forkin’ Lord is gonna come for you now!”

           Now it was my turn to smile. Back at home, I’d watched a lot of movies, and if there was one thing those movies taught me, it’s that whenever a bad guy says something like that when the good guy is in a bad spot they can’t possibly get out of, the direct- I mean, God- swoops in to give them a free pass. And considering I’m telling you this story right now, I’m pretty sure you can put two and two together.

While I was fidgeting, a small piece of paper had fallen out of my pocket. F-Bomb noticed, too.

“What the f-“

Just like that, A-Hole dropped his magazine and sniffed the air.

“Hold it, F-Bomb, I smell somethin’, somethin’ like… money.”

“Boss, it’s probably just a piece of forkin’ paper now could I please get on with-“

But A-Hole wasn’t having any of it. He put his nose to the ground and sniffed like a bloodhound until he found the piece of paper. He held it up in his claw with a delicacy I didn’t expect from a deinonychus, as though he were holding the most valuable diamond in the world. The moment I saw its’ yellowed paper, I recognized it instantly: a $500 dollar bill from Monopoly bill.

“Where’d you get this?” he asked

I took a breath, relieved my death by nutritious flower had been delayed.

“He, ya turd, I’m talkin’ to you!” he cried, slapping me on the side of the face “Where’d. You. Get. This?”

For a second my brain was in a trance. Back at home, I’d always been the dumb one, the one who everyone  except Mom thought was either gonna grow up to be either a dirty hobo or a shameless reality T.V. star. Possibly both. My mind reeled at having someone around who was actually dumber than me. And as I mentioned before, I’m also a Tostig, and if there’s one thing we Tostigs are good at, it’s seizing opportunities by the freakin’ horns!

“Real estate.” There it was, the ultimate blend of truth and lie, or as I like to call it, a tie.

“Sweet Porcelain God, kid! No wonder you- wait a minute! How do I know you ain’t fibbin’?”

F-Bomb, during this whole scene, was sharpening his claws with a nail file. “Maybe forkin’ ask what kind of bill it is, then!”

“Yeah, turdy! What bill is this?”

It was that moment I realized I should have had a backup plan. Not sure what I would have come up with, but it still would have been better than

“It’s a commemorative $500 dollar bill from the failed Philadelphia sesquicentennial exposition of 1926! Very rare! Almost none exist!”

I smiled, hoping they’d buy it like I would have bought Park Place.

Ten tense seconds passed as A-Hole sniffed the bill in places no piece of American currency should ever be sniffed.

“Alright, turd.” He said, holding up the bill. “Lucky for you, I happen to be a collector of all sorts a rare currencies, see? And I don’t know a single person in the Underworld who knows about this bill. So let’s make a deal, see?” He leaned in close, so close I worried he might chomp off my ear. His breath smelled like he hadn’t brushed since the late cretaceous, but in a deliberate way, like he was using some kind of prehistoric perfume.

“I’ll let you off the hook, see? All you gotta do is be a member of my gang for the rest of eternity. I’ll even give ya room and board free of charge, see? So whaddya say? We solid?”

I thought about my parents, still in the land of the living, waiting for me to come home from camp. Then I realized that, knowing Dad, he was probably using my action figures to open his beer bottles. And if my little brother had anything to say about it, they wouldn’t even notice I was gone. As much as I wanted to get home, I’d done goofed and crossed Shel Silverstein. It would take a while, but seeing as I was in hell, there was no harm in joining a gang for a little while, right?

“Sure, why not?”

A-Hole grinned, which was pretty creepy when you realized he didn’t have any lips. “Glad we could do business, kid.” He glared at F-Bomb and me. “But if either of you so much as say the letters of any of the words relating to this piece of moolah, there’ll be Hell to pay!”

“But Boss!” protested F-Bomb “We already live in forkin’-“

“I know what I said, dipschizzle! Sweet Porcelain God, do you realize how forkin’ hard it is to come up with good threats in this dump?! Everyone’s seen it all!”

A-Hole returned to his desk, taking in several breathfuls of smoke clogged air. Once he was calm again, he snapped his claws.

“Anyway, now let’s forkin’ do this. F-Bomb, get the knockout gas! We’re doing some reconstructive surgery!”

“Wait, wha-“

I didn’t even have time to finish before F-Bomb put what I can only describe as a satanic lobster dripping with some sort of liquid over my mouth. As I got woozy, I wondered if there was any type of insurance for falling unconscious, and if so, where I could get it.

[zeemonkey1]

Bill

I hate Bill. He is a garbage person. He thinks he knows everything. I think he calls Curious George a “city kid” in every episode he frequents.

“Hey, city kid, you don’t know how to ride a jetski?”

“Boy, you’re pretty good at cookin’ meth for a city kid!”

“I bet I’m better at choppin’ cotton than some city kid!”

Jeesus. He may not have ever said any of that, but it was kind of like that.

Fuckin Bill. Thinks he knows everything.

Curious George is not a kid, Bill, you sanctimonious know-it-all turd. I always thought he was some sort of chimpanzee, but even if he ain’t, even if he really is some sort of tailless monkey, he is still at least four times stronger than you, Bill. He could eat your face. I know he does that “aw shucks” little squeak every time you tell him how dumb city kids are, but you better believe that if that monkey ever snaps, if he ever REALLY snaps, you better sure as shit not be alone with him and gunless out in the wilderness.

One time I saw a fifteen-year-old female orangutan LAY DOWN, grab a tug-of-war rope with only one hand, stick the other hand two knuckles deep up her own ass, and pull a three-hundred-fifty-pound sumo wrestler right into a dadgum RAVINE, Bill. Youtube it—I ain’t lying.

If she did that, you better believe Curious George could break every bone in your body while eating a banana through a fence, Bill. MYH realizes that—I know he does—because never once has he insulted George, threatened him, or even spoke to him harshly. Can you imagine? The Man in the Yellow Hat (MYH) knows Curious George could skin him and fight off the cops at the same time.

And he wouldn’t go to jail for it. He’s a monkey, Bill. It would be your fault.

This last time, Curious George went hiking to photograph some wildlife. MYH told him the pictures he took—he, a monkey who never says a coherent word—would be part of a new nature exhibit at the museum. So off he went, snapping pictures of possums and snakes and whatever.

And oh boy lookee here, here the fuck comes Bill. Whatcha doin, city kid, betchu don’t know about this and that and etc. You really oughta take a picture of that fawn I saw but I can’t go with you, see,because I gotta fix this trail for the Nature Scouts. They trust me to do it, and then I’m gonna go swimming.”

Bill immediately whips out a hoe and begins to attack the middle of the nature trail. I have no idea what he is accomplishing; he’s randomly scraping the leaves like they’re part of a Zen garden.

George goes off looking for animal tracks to photograph. He does fairly well, too (for a city kid) until he stumbles upon some giant footprints that look like swim fins.

That’s because they ARE swim fins, but Curious George doesn’t know that, and he thinks he’s found a dinosaur.

Also—and this is the best part—there is a small, unbroken ditch running between the swim fins.

What could it be, Curious George? We will never know what he thought, because he ignores the ditch entirely. Does not even mention it. But there’s the ditch, running between the footprints the whole time Curious George is tracking his dinosaur.

Surprise—it’s Bill, who was wearing swim fins because “[he] had new boots and they were hurting his feet.” But the ditch? What about the ditch?

It was Bill’s hoe. He dragged it behind him while wearing swim fins through a forest.

Fuckin Bill.

[sellhousefast323]

9 Top-Rated Attractions & Things to Do in Roanoke, VA

Roanoke is a popular tourist destination, whether you're a culture vulture seeking out unique museums and attractions or an active vacationer seeking out outdoor adventures. The city is a four-season destination for avid hikers, rock climbers, recreational boaters, and sportfishing enthusiasts, and is located in the picturesque Roanoke Valley in southwestern Virginia. In-town greenways, cultural diversions, diverse dining, and unique shopping discoveries await urban explorers. Whatever your vacation style, keep our list of Roanoke's top attractions and things to do handy.

1. Mill Mountain Park & the Roanoke Star

Mill Mountain Park, which is home to the famous Roanoke Star (also known as the Mill Mountain Star), has more than 10 miles of multi-use trails (hiking, walking, and biking) where visitors can experience the region's all-season natural beauty.

Take the Mill Mountain Star Trail, a 3.5-mile round-trip from the base trail, to the summit of Mill Mountain, the city's highest point at 1,703 feet, for a moderately challenging hike. Hikers are rewarded with two scenic overlooks atop the mountain after climbing 838 feet in elevation. The Star Trail parking lot, located just off Riverland Road SE at the Star/Wood Thrush Connector, has plenty of free parking and clear signage.

Connect with the short Watchtower Trail for the best panoramic views and photos right at the base of the Roanoke Star, one of Virginia's most famous landmarks. The National Register of Historic Landmarks has listed this unusual landmark, which was built in 1949 as a temporary Christmas decoration by the local merchants association. The giant star, at 89 feet in height, is America's largest star. It is visible from up to 60 miles away and is lit every evening until midnight.

Hikers are welcome to bring their leashed dogs, and there are picnic tables, restrooms, and water along the Mill Mountain Spur Trail en route to the Discovery Center, a naturalist center with exhibits on the park, local wildlife, and trail maps. Mill Mountain Zoo, a small but lively enclave with local critters such as the Indian crested porcupine, red wolf, and yellow-spotted side-necked turtle, will appeal to children of all ages.

2. Carvins Cove Natural Reserve

Carvins Cove Natural Reserve, with more than 60 miles of trails surrounding an 800-acre reservoir, is known among locals as a haven for off-road mountain biking. The reserve, which is the second largest municipal park in the United States, spans nearly 13,000 acres, the majority of which is protected by the state of Virginia's largest conservation easement.

Trail maps are available for purchase, and bikers can get local advice on which trails are best suited for their experience level at Just The Right Gear, a cycling shop near the Bennett Springs parking lot (one of three reserve entrances — the others are Marina and Timber View). There are also rentals of high-end bikes and gear.

On the Easy Street, Kit & Kaboodle, The Skillet, and Enchanted Forest trails, beginners will find a gentler rise and more flats. On the Comet, Gauntlet, Hoe Trail, and Clownshead, riders seeking more difficult challenges will get exactly what they want. On the most difficult trails, expect to gain up to 2,400 feet in elevation.

Along these well-kept trails, riders will encounter packed dirt, loose gravel, and tamped soil. Canoeing (equipment rentals and instruction are available) and fishing are also popular activities at Carvins Cove.

3. Smith Mountain Lake

Smith Mountain Lake, one of Virginia's most popular — and the state's largest — has nearly 500 miles of shoreline, earning it the title of "Jewel of the Blue Ridge Mountains." Because state fisheries keep the lake well stocked, SML, as it's known by locals, has an especially impressive striped bass population. Anglers can book half- or full-day charters with a number of licenced guides who have plenty of experience traversing the 21,000-acre lake. They'll provide bait, equipment, and all of the necessary expertise to ensure that those fishing have a safe and enjoyable time on the water.

Crappies, bluegills, largemouth and smallmouth bass, as well as stripers, are among the tasty fish that make freshwater fishing at SML a popular tourist destination.

Waterskiing and wakeboarding, boating and sailing, and jet skiing are all fun activities to do on the lake. Swimming is also available at a family-friendly beach, and there are several golf courses nearby.

4. Roanoke Valley Greenways

The interconnected Roanoke Valley Greenway allows visitors to walk or bike along miles of trails in the area, which are safe, well-populated, and well-maintained. A popular trail in and around Roanoke is right along the Roanoke River, where deer, herons, geese, and other wildlife can be seen even in the city. Vic Thomas Park, just off Memorial Drive south of the river, is a great place to start your exploration. From there, you can easily join the Roanoke River Greenway.

A short distance away is the well-known Black Dog Salvage. Every visit to this nationally recognised purveyor of reclaimed architectural, commercial, and industrial fixtures and elements yields a fascinating, one-of-a-kind inventory. Visitors come from all 50 states to see Black Dog, which specialises in doors, windows, wrought iron, period lighting, garden statuary, and other specialty home components.

Head southeast on the Roanoke River Greenway towards Wasena Park after visiting Black Dog. At the Wasena Skate Park, kids can be seen hanging ten on their longboards. The park is always bustling with activity, and the locals' fancy footwork on their skateboards and blades is entertaining to watch.

On your way to the Tinker Creek Greenway, continue on the greenway and cross the Mill Mountain Greenway. Follow that road north for less than a mile and reward yourself with a picnic at Fallon Park's picnic area.

5. Taubman Museum of Art

The Taubman Museum of Art, one of the city's newest attractions (it opened in 2008), is a must-see for art lovers and casual culture consumers alike. The museum's permanent collection of 2,000 unique pieces is spread across 11 different galleries, including works by Thomas Cowperthwaite Eakins, Purvis Young, and John Cage, and is housed in a stunning modern design by renowned architect Randall Stout.

Visiting exhibits featuring work by some of America's best artists, including John James Audubon and Norman Rockwell, to name a few, are common. Photographic, folk art, and design-related exhibits are among the other highlights.

If you're travelling with children, look into children's programmes, such as hands-on workshops and interactive displays. On-site amenities include a café.

6. McAfee Knob

McAfee Knob is one of the most photographed places on the Appalachian Trail, thanks to its incredible vistas and spectacular rock overhang perch. The 3.5 miles of intermediate-to-difficult trails that lead up to the knob from the Virginia 311 parking lot are popular with hikers.

Climbers know it for the more than 70 gnarly sandstone and slick quartzite boulders that make for days of mini-summits. The majority of boulders are between 10 and 20 feet tall, with many crimps, jugs, pockets, and edges. Bring pads, lunch, and a buddy; it's never a good idea to go rock climbing alone, and McAfee is often deserted.

Another popular recreational area in Roanoke is the recently re-opened Explore Park, which is located just off the Blue Ridge Parkway. The park features 1,100 acres of breathtaking scenery, numerous walking and hiking trails, as well as thrilling zip lines and a treetop adventure course that is appropriate for families with younger children. It also has a visitor centre and a gift shop, as well as camping and rustic cabins.

7. Bottom Creek Gorge Preserve

Bottom Creek Gorge Preserve is a popular destination for birders, nature lovers, and photographers. Bottom Creek, located less than 20 miles south of Roanoke, is one of the most important headwaters for the Roanoke River, and it offers visitors several well-marked trails to enjoy the vast hardwood forest, unspoiled landscape, and Virginia's second highest waterfall.

For the best vantage point to photograph the 200-foot cascading waterfall, the second tallest in Virginia, photographers should take the Red Trail (the longest trail here, at five miles round-trip). Bring a long/telephoto lens because the overlook at the end of the trail offers a clear, open shot, but the falls are a long way away. A side path off the Yellow Trail leads to other viewpoints of the falls.

8. Roanoke City Market

The historic City Market, also known as the Farmers' Market by locals, is open all year and offers boutique shopping, local produce, flowers, meat and cheese, local dining favourites, and some of Virginia's best people-watching. Pay close attention to the market's four mosaic tiled entrances, each of which contains over 2,000 pounds of porcelain tiles that reveal a little bit of the history of this storied public space.

Prime Home Buyers is a real estate brokerage firm based in Roanoke, United States. We are known for offering an easy and quick house-selling experience to our clients.

We offer upfront selling solutions to our clients, satisfying their requirements. We have been serving as real estate investors for over a decade and know all the tricks of this trade. Prime Home Buyers can provide you with the best real estate offerings and prices. We are the experts you are looking for if you want to sell your house fast and at the best price. Besides our expertise in buying houses, we also provide commercial property investment.

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