#so I need roommates if I’m gonna get approved

[strawberryshortpace]

Me applying to get an apartment and live with 2 random dudes hoping it’ll be more New Girl and less True Crime podcast

[lesbiansanemi]

I have started to accept I am a bit more (re a lot more) psychologically unstable than I thought for a long time and man…. I’m tired of it

[fandomnerd9602]

Square Dance: Two Step

Country!Wanda x Male!Reader

It all started when your best friend Pietro ‘Piet’ Maximoff invited you to leave the city for a week. He saw how much city life and work was wearing you down, how much you needed a detox from all of the stress and anxiety.

He picked you up in his pick up truck from your apartment on a Sunday morning. Piet was a track star in college, full ride, and your best friend / roommate. Now he works as a mechanic in his home town. He never really talked about home but he loved it.

“I promise, pal” your Southern accented friend told you, “you’re gonna love it. I’m taking you to the best watering hole in the area tonight.”

“Are you still trying to get me to settle down?” You laughed.

“I just wanna see my bud happy. A little tail can help that” he gives you a playful wink.

First things first he helped you drop off your stuff at the guest room in his modest two story homestead. “Sorry I can’t give you the master bedroom” he chuckled, “my traveling sister came back to town, she called dibs”

“I don’t mind.” You said with a shrug, “your sis deserves it” You never met Piet’s sister but you did know about their constant teasing due to having seen their text exchanges.

“Come on, bud” he said practically pulling you out the door. “Let’s live a little!”

You and Piet made your way to the local watering hole and dance hall. Didn’t take long for Piet to make the rounds and chat up a couple people.

“Does Crystal approve of you being here?” you asked your pal with a laugh.

“Speak of the angel and she’ll appear” he responded as his longtime girlfriend made her way towards the two of you. Didn’t take long for Piet and her to go to the dance floor.

The band took to the small stage a second later. The announcer made his way to the microphone.

“Evening fellas, ladies, please give a nice warm applause to our guest singer the Good Witch, Scarlett.”

And with that introduction, the most beautiful woman you had ever seen made her way to the microphone. Her confidence, the sort of kind way she carried herself, it made your heart beat fast.

“Howdy everyone” she said with a southern twang. “Glad to see so many familiar faces in the audience…”

Her eyes locked with yours. Her eyes looked at you with pure adoration. A small smile made its way across her face.

“And so new faces too” she gave you a little wink, “so let’s start shall we?”

Her keyboardist began playing a simple melody:

(Can Love Stand the Test - Don Henley & Bonnie Raitt)

Did I lose your love a long time ago

Or did I just wear it out? Baby, I don't know

Seems like anymore we're not on the same page

In the same book, or on the same stage

We say the words, but they feel all wrong

Like a happy blues, like a sad love song

How two people can bow and scrape

For every shred of tenderness

Can love stand the test

Of times that surround us

Memories that astound us

Joy and happiness

Can love stand the test?

Her eyes were locked on you. Did she feel some sort of connection to you, as you could feel with her? You hadn’t spoken a word and yet it was like you knew her somehow.

We said forever, for always, for good

But the years were not impressed

Can love stand the test

Of time that surrounds us

Moments that astound us?

Can love stand the test

Of time that surrounds us

Moments that astound us?

Joy and happiness

Joy and happiness

Joy and happiness

The audience cheered as the song ended. The mystery singer offered a humble little bow. “Alright” she said with a giggle, “who’s ready for a little square dancing, huh?”
The crowd cheered and began asking for their own partners as the singer got off the stage and began making her own way towards you. Everyone else faded away, it was like it was only you and her in that entire watering hole.

“Howdy there” she flashed a gentle smile at you

“H-Howdy” you managed to answer back.

“You’re not from around here are ya?” her twang just made your heart flutter.

“No. I’m in town for a couple days”

“Well City Boy” she gave a little twirl in her hips, “do you wanna dance?”

“I-I got like two left feet” you said with a little embarrassment. She only giggled in response and took your hands.

“Don’t worry” she reassured you, “just follow my lead”

You and this amazing gal danced a couple square dances together that night. Time seemed to blur, you found yourself falling deeper and deeper into what felt like love. You could spend an eternity on that dance floor with her and it wouldn’t feel like enough time with her.

The way she smiled those pearly whites at you. The way her reddish brown hair bounced. The way she looked at you with those emerald green eyes that made your heart beat practically out of your chest. You didn’t think it was possible to feel this way about someone so fast.

Sadly the song came to an end. She offered you a quick bow and a tip of her own hat to you. “Ya know” she smiled at you, “you sure can dance, city boy”

“You’re not too bad yourself, ma’am” you complimented her back.

“How long you in town for?” She drew a little closer to you.

“A week, maybe a little longer”

“That’s an awful long time” she wrapped her arms around your neck, yours wrapped around her waist.

“M-my name’s Y/N”

She offered a gentle, sincere smile, “my name’s-”

“Wanda?” Piet spoke up, staring in shock at you and the gal before you. She gave a slightly embarrassed tip of the hat to Piet.

“Hey bro” Wanda said to Piet

“I see you met my bud Y/N” Piet said.

“He’s a great dancer” she answered back, giving you a gentle smile.

Part of you was horrified. Another part of you was on cloud nine. Your life was supposed to be structured, not on a whim. And yet here you were. Not only had you fallen in love on your first night out of the city, you had fallen for your best friend’s sister.

To Be Continued…

Tags: @lifespectator @aloneodi @deafeningsharkslimeempath @iamnicodemus @holiday-house-of-m @family-house-of-m @supercorpdanbeau @scarletquake-n7

[mollywog]

Roommate

Fake Fic Ask Game by @vasilissadragomir

🐑 (fake set of fic tags): modern au roommates, mutual pining, jealous!katniss, hot chocolate, meddling!Prim, misunderstandings

She’s smiling down at her phone when Prim snaps her fingers in front of the screen, “Are you even listening?”

“Oh! Yeah! Sorry,” Katniss says, placing her phone face down on the table.

“Who are you talking to anyways?” Her sister eyes the phone with curiosity and Katniss covers it with her hand lest Prim resort to snooping, “are you seeing someone?! You’re giddy, it’s weird”

“God no,” she has no desire for that, “Peeta’s doing a grocery run and asked about snacks.” They were going to watch Jurassic Park tonight and he’d sent her a picture of a bag of frozen Dino nuggets.

“Sounds cozy. What does Nutmeg think about her boyfriend Netflix-and-chill-ing with his super hot roommate?”

Katniss rolls her eyes, “Clove’s not in the picture anymore.” She doesn’t get it. Peeta’s the best, but his taste in women is the worst. She’d taken to giving them petty nicknames rather than learning their real ones. The latest had been a real cloven hoofed bitch.

“Oh,” Prim perks up, “So, are you gonna make a move?”

God, not her too! Maybe she’s been talking to Finnick. He keeps insisting she’s in love with Peeta. She’s not and the accusation is annoying, “No,” She says, tone firm, “Peeta and I are friends. Just friends.”

“Hmm” her sister sounds unconvinced.

“Hmm what?”

“I think you like him.”

“Of course I like him, he’s my friend.”

“Come on Katniss. You talk about him constantly, you spend all your spare time together, and you’ve hated every girl he’s ever given a second look.”

“Yeah, because they all sucked.”

“- his dick, and you were jealous.” Prim adds.

Katniss bulks, “don’t talk like that. Who raised you?”

“We all know who raised me. Don’t try to duck the topic! So, you’d be fine with him dating someone you approve of?”

Katniss shrugs, “of course,” it’s a trick question, because she can’t imagine anyone good enough for him.

“What about me?” Prim says, as if following her line of thought, “I must meet your standards. What if I started dating Peeta? You wouldn’t have a problem with that?”

“Didn’t know you were interested.” Why does her voice sound so high all of the sudden?

“I don’t know; maybe it’s all your glowing about how great he is. Answer the question.”

“I mean it would be weird, because you're my sister,” she says haltingly, “but obviously I think you’re amazing,” she briefly imagines Peeta leading Prim to his bedroom, and wants to vomit.

“So you’d be completely fine if I asked him out?” Prim eggs.

Her discomfort is overcome by a flare of annoyance at the challenge. “Want me to put in a good word for you?” She snarks.

“Nah.” Katniss exhales, feeling a little lighter. Maybe this will finally put the whole thing to rest, but then her sister continues with a smirk, “I’m a big girl, I don’t need your help.”

Part 2 | Part 3 or Ao3

[youcalledmebabe]

webgott pretty please!

75. “I’m going for a swim. Do you wanna join me?” (preferably it’s joe who asks. if you are so inclined. 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂)

send me a pairing and a number and I’ll write you a Drabble

happy Webgott Wednesday yna!! enjoy some hot pygmalion summer Webgott. full disclosure this will 10000% be a fic someday.

Waves crash onto the shore. David can just barely make them out from the porch of the summer house. The moon shines bright tonight but his vision isn’t what it used to be; all the straining to see his journal in the dark in Europe has caught up with him. Or maybe he’s just getting old. Twenty-six tomorrow.

He lights a cigarette and takes a contemplative puff. Laughter and chatter filter out through the windows. It seems nobody has noticed the guest of honor has absconded.

The screen door creaks open and David sighs. Please don’t be his mother. He glances up to see Joe, offering him a glass.

“Water,” Joe says. “You’ve been mainlining gin all night.”

David takes a sip and pats the step next to him. When Joe sits, he offers him a drag of his cigarette. Joe doesn’t give it back.

“People keep asking me if I’m Bobby.”

David grins. He supposes Joe does have the reediness of the Kennedys but one word out of his mouth would disabuse anybody of that notion. “My roommate from Harvard. He’s in Hyannis for the summer. But maybe you’ll get to meet him.”

“You really think I’m gonna stick around the whole summer?” Joe says, but it’s a half-hearted barb. He’d come to Long Island at David’s request, had endured a week of the Websters already and earned the affection—if not approval— of everybody but his father. And David hadn’t even managed that in twenty-six years, so he could hardly fault Joe for it.

“Maybe,” David hums and lights another cigarette.

David watches Joe smoke his cigarette, how his face looks marble under the moonlight. Age is doing him nothing but favors. He feels a little guilty for not being completely honest with Joe.

“I lured you here,” he blurts out. “Under false pretenses.”

Joe stubs out his cigarette, amusement flickering in his expression. “I miss you and I want you to come to my summer home was a pretense?”

“Well, no. But it wasn’t the entire truth.”David sighs and takes a drag. “My parents want me to get engaged this summer. Or to go to law school. ‘War Hero’ got me through 1946 and Harvard student got me through now but my mother needs a new accomplishment of mine to brag about at her functions.”

“Just go to law school, Web, Jesus. You talk enough for it.”

David shakes his head. “Bobby’s going but…it’s not for me. I want to write. Lawyers have to actually work.”

Joe flicks his arm. “You’re a spoiled brat.”

“I invited you out here because I want you to get engaged.”

“So that’s why you tried to marry me off to Ann the second I walked through the door,” Joe muses.

“If you marry some wealthy heiress, your life is set, Joe. And we’ll see each other every summer. Maybe even during the year, depending on who the lucky bride is.”

Joe smirks. “I want no part of this life. You’re all crazy. If I were a writer like you I’d write some great piece on this place.”

“Very Nick Carraway,” David says, frowning. Joe was supposed to want to marry rich.

Joe snaps his fingers. “Gatsby.”

David stares at him, surprised he remembered. But then, he shouldn’t be surprised. Joe had read it too, and Joe had a great memory. So sharp, so intelligent.

“You look like you want to kiss me. Just because I get your little book joke. You’re so easy.”

“Maybe,” David sighs. “But it wouldn’t be very ethical to do while I’m trying to marry you off.”

Joe snorts. “None of these women want to marry a cab driver from San Francisco.”

But what if they did? David knows plenty of rebellious young women, plenty of fathers who would be indulgent enough to let Joe slide into the family. If David could just teach him how to walk the walk, talk the talk, he’d be in.

“I bet that I can get a girl to want to marry you. Probably more than one. I’ll teach you to be a perfect gentleman. It’ll be like Pygmalion.”

David would do Pygmalion right though. There was absolutely no danger of him falling in love with Joe. A bit of fooling around in Austria wasn’t love; Joe had made that very clear. And David was much older and wiser now. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

“Whatever that means. We can talk about it in the morning. Speaking of luring,” Joe says. “Can’t believe you haven’t tried to get me in the ocean yet.”

The truth is David doesn’t entirely trust them to be around each other in a state of undress. He glances out at the water, waves pushing into the shore. It does look inviting, and so do Joe’s eyes. But his party persists inside.

Joe sheds his jacket and loosens his bow tie, scowling. He stalks down the steps. “I’m going for a swim. If you want to join me.”

“Well when you ask so nicely, how can I say no?” David retorts, but he’s taking off his own jacket and running after Joe anyway.

By the time they reach the beach, Joe’s only in his trousers. David’s itching for him to take them off; to see moonlit skin.

“You hate swimming. You just want to see me naked,” David says. “Now who’s easy?”

“Nobody hates swimming, Web. It’s just that nobody else is as weird about it as you.”

David grins at him. How he’s missed Joe’s affectionate ribbing. It just doesn’t read the same in a letter. A whole summer of Joe’s teasing; a whole lifetime of summers if he can just get Joe to marry one of Ann’s ditsy friends, or maybe one of the women being offered up to him. “I’m so glad you came.”

Joe waves a hand. “Just here for a free vacation,” he says, but he’s smiling back, and inching closer.

“Kenyon? Kenyon! Come inside. You need to say goodbye to the Gilmores.”

David turns and squints at the porch. His mother is framed by the lights, martini glass in hand. He looks back at Joe and the water longingly.

“Duty calls, Kenyon,” Joe says but his expression softens. “Come meet me back out here when the party is over. We’ll go for a birthday swim.”

“You’ll be okay out here alone?” David asks.

“Survived a war, Web. What the fuck could go wrong in rich person USA?”

Plenty, David wants to say, but it’s mostly psychological. Joe will be fine. He nods at Joe and slouches back up the beach to a woman his parents want him to marry, already counting the seconds until he can be in the water with Joe.

[milkywaydrabbles]

dubcon with Alucard Castlevania? If you don't feel comfortable doing it, I will understand! By the way, excellent job! I have read all your writing and it is perfect!

A/N: I'm gonna need everyone to look away from me with this one I cannot be perceived. More modern day AU, roommates, yadda yadda. I'm just gonna drop this here hope you like it smoochies

Dubcon x Alucard

Alucard can’t help but poke fun at you, his silly little roommate. You’re so dumb, the way you sit there and let others take advantage of you. He’d sigh when you come back from another failed first date, cooing and coddling you. ‘Such a silly girl, I told you he’s no good for you’ he’d say, letting you sniffle into his shirt after telling him you got stood up again. ‘I thought he was better’, you’d say, grasping at his shirt when he pet your hair, devilish smirk plastered on his face when you couldn’t see. It’s not his fault you kept choosing bastards that weren’t good enough for you. But you couldn’t see that, you kept finding the worst of them. All he did was make sure they didn’t show up, that’s all. So that you can see how awful they really were. 

He’d dry your tears, mirroring your pout--taunting you. “You need to start listening to me, precious. I know you better than yourself, you’ll keep making the same stupid mistake. Yeah?” You whined, nodding your dumb little head when he spoke to you. “Don’t be mean, Alucard..” You would mumble, letting go of his shirt and rubbing your eyes. He’d coo, kissing your forehead when the two of you would stand up and patting you on your ass, urging you to your room. “Sorry, sweet girl, forgot how sensitive you were. Go get some sleep.”

He’d leave you alone for the rest of the night, jerking off in the room next to you while he envisioned your crying face again. 

You found yourself in front of him, again, ready for another date. You tugged at your dress, wanting his approval more than anything for your attire. “Is this okay, Alucard? Do you think he’ll like it?” He sighed, frowning--his cock twitched in his pants, deciding to ignore it for now. He’d have to go and persuade another mystery date to leave you alone tonight. “I think they’ll love it,” He started, seeing you light up. Poor thing. “Anyone would, you look like a whore.” You teared up, looking down at the hem of your dress, hands bunched up at the edge. “I didn’t think it was so short..” You’d mumbled, before feeling his hands wrap around your waist. “Aw, don’t cry darling girl. Change into something more....modest. I don’t think you’re a whore, but I know how men think.” He spat out his last words with disdain. You listened to him, like always, changing into something he’d approve of.

Much to his dismay, Alucard wasn’t able to get a hold of your mystery date beforehand. Opting to stalk the two of you during and after, finding where he lived. He would take care of it quick. He came home after you, seeing you beam at him with stars in your eyes. He hated it, knowing you looked like that because of another man. It should be him, always. “Alucard! He was wonderful! Really, such a gentleman.” You sighed, taking your phone out, sending the idiot a text. “We said we’d make plans for another date, isn’t that great?” Alucard’s eye twitched, and you looked up at him after hearing him sigh. You frowned, cute pout on your lips like always. “What?” 

“Nothing, let’s just hope he sticks then.”

-

Of course, he didn’t. You didn’t know what you did wrong, crying again into Alucard’s arms as you babbled away how he ghosted you, how you thought everything was good after the date. And Alucard, the ever loving and doting roommate he was, let you cry, bringing you into his lap with a click of his tongue. “They’re not good enough for you, dumb girl.” He taunted you again, running a hand on your thigh as you hiccupped into his neck. “How many times do I need to tell you that?” His voice was steady, light, but you knew he was reprimanding you all the same. “I’m lonely, Alucard.” You huffed with a sniffle. “Don’t you get lonely? Don’t you want someone?”

All he could ever want is you.

“What a silly girl..” He whispered, wiping away your tears and pinching your jaw between his thumb and index finger, making you look up at him. “You have me, I’m all you need.” You pursed your lips, heat flaring on your neck as you looked away. “You know what I mean..” You heard him exhale through his nose, deep, before forcing you to look at him again. “They all hurt you, leave you, make you think you’re not worthy.” You couldn’t help but tear up again, he’s right. They did do that to you. It hurt. “But I wouldn’t--I don’t do that. Isn’t that right, my darling girl? Who do you go to when you’re upset?” He waits, tapping on your forehead expectantly.

“You..”

“That’s right~” He smiles. “Who do you come home to every night?”

“...You.”

“And whose lap will you always, always end up in, hm?” 

“...Yours, Alucard.”

“I knew you could use that brain of yours.” He teased, bunching up the long shirt you opted to wear for the day--his shirt, that he gave you and made him promise you’d wear as often as you could around the house. You tried to close your legs, even on his lap, knowing you wouldn’t get too far. “Come on, sweetheart. Don’t you wanna feel good? Don’t you want me to make you feel less, what was it, lonely?” 

Alucard was a cruel man, but you loved him all the same.

You nodded, and in and instant you were picked up and being dragged into his bed, clothes thrown off and his mouth on you, licking and biting and suckling at all the skin he could mouth. 

“They’re not good enough for you,” He’d remind you, with each thrust of his fingers in your wet heat, taking in your teary face as he finger fucked you stupid. “None of them are. But you have me, you’ll always have me.” You cried out, legs trembling with each curl of his fingers, making you gush on his fingers, first orgasm of the night. 

“They’re all liars, degenerates.” He’d remind you, bending you in half underneath him, bullying his fat cock into your swollen little pussy, kissing the salty drops away. “I’d never lie to you, sweet girl. You know that, right?” He’d thrust into you harder, fucking you until you couldn’t speak. You simply nodded, breathless and whining underneath him. Your ankles up by his ears, hands grabbing at your hips, digging in so harshly you swore there’d be bruises. 

“You’ll always have me, you’re my favorite girl in the whole world.” Alucard wasn’t sure if you could even hear him with how loud you were moaning, how wet and sloppy your pussy sounded, squelching and drooling over his cock. He slapped you lightly on your cheek, trying to get you to focus on him again, fucked too stupid to even open your eyes properly.

“I love you, darling. Do you love me?” He panted over you, pummeling himself deeper inside of you with each thrust. You nodded, getting a harsher slap to the face. “Come on, you can use your words sweet girl.” He spat out, grinding into your hips waiting for your response. “I love you! I love you, Alucard, I love you, I love you, I love you--”

You squealed feeling electricity in your bones, covering his thighs in your cum as you continued to cry stupid on his cock. He let up, just enough to bring your legs back down around his waist and continued to fuck into you, pushing away your hands as they tried to claw at his stomach, begging for just a minute to catch your breath. Alucard wouldn’t stop until he shot his load into your womb, and even then--wouldn’t stop until he fucked his cum deeper into you.

“No one will ever be better than me for you, silly girl.”

[princelylove]

Part two of my interpretations of la squadra esecuzioni. 

Ghiaccio is like a smaller Risotto. He doesn’t have a very distinct waist. He’s so picky with his food that it’s a wonder he even got that much distinct muscle- or maybe it isn’t, cutting is effective (in moderation, starving will only set you back on your progress). He mainly works out for his job, Ghiaccio doesn’t really care what he looks like. 

He has a strong nose, and although his lips are small they aren’t quite in the thin category, he has really nice bone structure… He just doesn’t realize it because he’s horribly insecure and feels inferior. He copes by not trying, so he can always rely on the ‘Well if I actually tried it’d be better’ type of logic. Once a year Prosciutto gets to wax his eyebrows. 

Not only does he know what mogging is but he knows where it originated. Because he was there. I’m dying on the hill that Ghiaccio knows what green text is. He’s appealed countless bans that all sounded like “I’ve never even fucking been on /mu/ you stupid fucks” (that all got approved the night of). He fills his mind with toxic masculinity, but isn’t into alpha male bullshit. Somehow he thinks hunter eyes are a thing but he draws the line at “smooth brained jock bullshit.” 

I cap Ghiaccio’s height at 5’9” or 175 cm. 5’10” or 177 cm with his shoes on. He’s got fantastic posture for someone that sits at a computer all day. Ghiaccio’s sensitive about it, teasing him about his height is a death sentence. What a good way to end up in a freezer. 

While he has a horrible temper, he cools off the second he gets it out of his system. Just moves on after smacking the shit out of his designated rage pillow like nothing happened. At least he’s coping. Not well, but an outlet is an outlet. It’s the same when you piss him off- he gets upset, says things he doesn’t mean, and then moves on. He apologizes like a father would- none at all, but brings you a snack or buys you something you’ve been asking for. He’s a big fan of the “Check if there’s mail.” approach. He genuinely does feel bad, but he’s not a little bitch that’s gonna tuck his tail in between his legs because he made his darling a little sad. 

He smells like absolutely nothing at all. It’s actually a bit frightening. Zero smell presence. 

Melone keeps every medicine known to mankind in his room, under his bed. He’s a great person to befriend if you find yourself in the hands of one of his roommates, but to be entirely honest with you, he’s selfish. He doesn’t really care about your agony because it’s got nothing to do with him, how does it benefit him to give you meds when he doesn’t even know you? (He budges if you belong to Prosciutto or Ris- he’s not pissing off his pseudo mom and dad.)

Melone is thin and mainly gets his exercise from running. His stand takes care of hits for him, he just needs to worry about the set up, so it isn’t really an issue. There’s no need for him to lift heavy, or really lift at all. Doesn’t really matter if he’s stronger, he just needs to be faster than you are. Sure, bash his head in, pick him up, aren’t you getting tired, though? Real sleepy? Go to sleep, it’s gonna be ok. 

Mel’s stand is possessing an actual computer he modified. He runs tests consistently with the blood samples he’s managed to store in his room- he knows the best combinations to get him what the boss wants, and as long as he’s got ample blood left over, what’s wrong with killing a few juniors off in the name of science? 

I classify Melone as apathetic and a bit mean. He’s an asshole. He gets a lot better once he’s comfortable with you, look at how much he plays with the rest of his ‘family.’ It’s just that he doesn’t know you, and doesn’t want to waste time on you if you’re going to get in his way long term. When you do spark his interest, of course, he gets obsessed and oh-so-curious. 

He’s still very playful- Melone likes to hang off of Formaggio’s shoulders and tease Ghiaccio, but he’s calm. He’s not very smiley, he’s not very giggly, he just can’t force himself to react in the ‘correct’ way most of the time, but he’s totally having fun! Melone loves you a lot, he just doesn’t look like he’s having fun most of the time. It’s hard for him to care about things, but you quickly rotted his brain- isn’t that testament enough? 

His seemingly cold nature makes it hard for him to form genuine bonds. Melone thrives with other difficult types- he shares a room with Ghiaccio (alternatively Formaggio) because they’re short on space and Prosciutto won’t share a room since The Incident they get along surprisingly well. 

In the beginning of your new life, it isn’t uncommon to hear Formaggio gently push Melone in the right direction. “Come on, Mel, you’re scarin’ the poor thing. Smile a little.”  (Which is normally met with “I’m running tests, go away, Formaggiooo…”) Melone’s shy- he’ll just stay off to the side, and speaks to you in a very formal manner. You might feel like you’re being tested on by a medical student. Which is wrong! Melone doesn’t have any medical experience! I mean, he’s taken classes, but he’s a genetics student. Oh, yeah, he’s in university. 

Once he gets used to you, he falls into his normal, playful routine. He still doesn’t smile too much, but he’ll speak more openly, which… is it better to not know what the iv in your arm is, or to fully understand? Melone’s quite the talker, and is happy to (over) explain. 

Melone doesn’t hide you like the others would- it isn’t shameful to him to kidnap a whole person, and he needs them to keep you here when he isn’t. Morals aside, you need to be socialized. It isn’t good to keep someone isolated and cramped in a room they don’t like. If you don’t want to talk to him, talk to anyone else. You’ve got options. Maybe not Prosciutto, or Illuso, they’re not going to play host as easily… (Although Prosciutto might ask what Melone’s “little friend” is gonna be having for dinner)

Formaggio’s body type is similar to Guido’s. He’s fairly bulky. Formaggio spends all of his free time playing whatever sport he can think of, neglecting to do his chores (You’re starting to think he likes Prosciutto yelling at him), annoying Melone, and blowing your phone up. He spends a lot of time working out, but he considers that to be more of a daily ritual than a hobby. 

Since his only real responsibility is taking care of his cat and his job, he’s not stressed at all. He’d be a lot more stressed if he had to cook, and clean, and, I don’t fucking know, be an adult or whatever- like the shit Pro and Ris do all day!

If you ever ask him about it, he’ll go “I mean, it sucks that Boss is watching us and all, but to be honest, who cares? You don’t like being on camera? It loooves you.” and leaves it at that. 

His psychology is a bit odd. He seems like a typical, immature guy- the type of guy you meet at college that does sports and seemingly nothing else. No interest in philosophy, religion, general culture, etc. While I think that his personality is close to a casual type like Guido or Squalo, he seemingly lacks any depth at all. There’s no “Oh, he’s actually very smart!” thing going on here, Formaggio is painfully average. There’s no reason for him to be a mafioso other than bad timing and a lack of drive to get away from it.

He’s actually pretty simple. He’s just a guy that wants to relax and have a little fun- who doesn’t like fun? But Formaggio is crazy insecure. He takes almost every negative reaction as a jab- neutral ones, too. If you’re not into his lifestyle, what, he isn’t fuckin’ good enough? Huh? You think he’s some fuckin’ nobody that doesn’t have the real talent it takes to be where he is? 

You can calm Formaggio by stroking his ego, and by that, I mean stroking him. He’ll forget about any transgression if he finishes a few times. 

He only speaks italian, and will “Huh?” you to death if you do not. He’ll buy you an italian-english dictionary to help you understand him, but won’t make any real effort to learn english.  

Formaggio’s kitty was a stray before he snatched her up. She’ll try to comfort you while Formaggio is gone- but she’ll abandon you if he comes back. Little traitor. He calls her a ridiculous amount of pet names- sometimes he’ll reuse whatever name he calls you on her, and will pretend he’s always called her it. Awww, my little pwincess, my cuuuutie, my baby, my angeelllll. He treats her very well- she’s a bit pampered.  While Formaggio’s cat is able to relax fully in his arms, you probably will not, unless you’re a masochist. He loves good, old fashioned sadism- no prissy mind games or punishments, he does it for absolutely no reason other than how funny your reactions are. He’s like that asshole boyfriend that throws a basketball into your face and laughs when you groan. Come on, it’s just a ball, don’t be such a baby. It’s just a joke. Aw, your face stings? You want some ice? Hey, that’s a great idea, why don’t you go get him something from the fridge?

[hockeylovee12]

I’m Not Looking for Approval-Luke Hughes

Chapter One-House Party

Summary: After returning back from the world juniors tournament in Canada, Luke Hughes roommates decide to throw a house party where Luke meets a girl.

Warnings: underage drinking, use of nicotine device, throwing up

January 6th 2023

When Luke Hughes arrived back at his house in Michigan which he shared with his four roommates Mackie, Dylan, Ethan and Mark he walked straight into his room still contemplating the past few days.

Luke was happy they won the bronze medal he just really wished he could’ve brought home the gold. He was given the honor of being captain and he had felt like he let his team, his family and his country down.

Despite all the people close to him telling him he did his best and there is nothing else he could do. His brothers never won the gold it doesn’t mean they aren’t good enough except Luke wasn’t his brothers and he wanted to prove that he felt a need to prove that. It’s always been that way and when he took that bronze medal out of his bag and set it on his desk he couldn’t help but feeling a little aggravated.

Luke hears a knock on his door and walks over to open his bedroom door and sees his best friends Dylan Duke who was also a member of the bronze medal winning team standing there. “Hey” Dylan says

“hey what’s up?” Luke responds inviting Dylan into the room before taking a seat in his desk chair.

“I know you’re a little bit upset still but we tried our hardest we still won a medal you know and we got our Michigan team and we got the game tonight and it’s gonna be really fun getting to cheer the guys on also afterwards we’re hosting a little party” Dylan tells Luke

Tonight the Michigan wolverines play an exhibition game against a team from the National Teen Development Program a program Luke was apart of not too long ago.

Due to NCAA rules players who competed in the World Juniors Championship which ended on the 5th were required to take a maintenance day meaning they would be healthy scratches for tonights game.

Luke who is generally not into the whole party scene was definitely not looking forward to an after party especially not one being thrown in his house. However he knew he didn’t have much of a choice.

“Sounds fun” Luke replies Dylan gives Luke a slight smile and a pat on the back before exiting his room and walking downstairs to join the rest of his roommates.

Luke gets up from his seat to close his door which his roommate left open when he begins to overhear the conversation taking place downstairs.

“Is he ok?” Ethan Edwards asks

“I don’t know he’s still upset not mad just down I’m sure it’ll just take a few days for him to get over it” Dylan explains

“I hope so because we do kinda need him to win our games” Mark says

Luke still standing by his open bedroom door on the second floor shakes his head before gently shutting his door and making his way to his bed deciding to take a little nap before he has to get ready to meet the guys at the ice rink.

———————————————————————

College sophomore Jade Brooks was arriving back in Michigan after spending the past three weeks in her home town Lexington, South Carolina.

Being the only child of a set of divorced parents always comes with some problems but when one of them remarries when you are 14 years old and suddenly you have two new siblings and a new step mom who you don’t get along with going home isn’t always your definition of a relaxing break. Which is why Jade decided to book her flight home the Friday before school started back up instead of spending the weekend in South Carolina.

After spending her first year in the dorms Jade opted to rent a four bedroom apartment with her previous roommate and two of their really close friends.

So far the experience has been amazing. All three of her current roommates are from out of state just like her and they all chose to stay in their hometowns until the Sunday before classes started meaning Jade would be arriving home to an empty apartment for the next two days which she was fine with she could use the peace and quite.

That was until her next door neighbor a girl who has become quite close with the four girls decided to make it her mission to take Jade to a party tonight.

A party being hosted by the hockey team.

———————————————————————

The Michigan Wolverines ended up wining 7-6 against the programs team and Luke along with his five other teammates who participated in the world juniors tournament watched their team play from the press box in Yost arena.

After the game the boys met up with the other players in the locker room to congratulate them.

Luke enjoyed seeing his teammates having to leave in the middle of December Luke hadn’t seen some of them since before the start of winter break.

After chatting with a few of them the majority of the team dressed out and took showers.

Luke talked with his teammate Dylan Duke as they waited for their three other roommates to finish getting ready.

The majority of the team was coming to the party tonight except a few players who opted out.

Their team captain Nolan Moyle was tasked with buying the liquor being of age and having a in with the guy at the local liquor store who provided him with a pretty decent discount.

Around 10:30 a handful of the team had joined Luke and his roommates at his house and Moyle came shortly after bringing a very large amount of liquor.

“How many people are coming tonight?” Luke questions his roommates

“um I don’t know maybe like 70 or something Mark estimates.

Around 11:30 is when the party really starts going and soon the house inhibited by the sophomores of the university of Michigan hockey team was filled with around 60 people, drinking and dancing.

“Come on Jade hurry up the party started an hour ago!” Kelsey the next door neighbor and good friend of Jade complains

“I’m coming you’re the one who didn’t like my outfit” Jade defends walking out of her bedroom wearing a pair of black leather pants and a blue corset top.

“Ooo remind me to borrow that top from you next time you look great! Now come on let’s go!” Kelsey says

“ok ok just let me put my shoes on” Jade says reaching for her white platform converse. Kelsey waits impatiently as Jade takes her time double knotting the laces and finally Jade stands up.

“Finally let’s go!” Kelsey exclaims the two girls start walking in the direction of the hockey house and after a ten minute walk which consisted of Kelsey listing off and describing all of the boys on the UMich hockey team the two blondes arrive at the house.

They are invited in.

“Make sure you leave your location on tonight” Jade requests the second the two enter seeing the amount of drunk shenanigans happening in the house.

“ok ok I will do you want a drink?” Kelsey asks

“no I’m not drinking tonight” Jade says

“come on Jade it’s a party let loose” Kelsey encourages

“I have a essay I have to do for a summer internship tomorrow so I’m not gonna drink tonight” Jade lies just not really feeling like drinking tonight

Kelsey rolls her eyes and mumbles buzzkill as she makes her way towards the drink table leaving Jade alone in the crowded room.

Jade starts walking getting pushed left and right in the crowd and eventually makes her way over to the staircase which has been taped off at the top to prevent people from going into the boys rooms.

She takes a seat on the first few steps and pulls out an elf bar and her phone.

She spends a few minutes scrolling through her Instagram and taking occasional hits of her vape allowing her a somewhat buzzed feeling that unfortunately goes away in under five minutes.

Jade stands up and takes another hit then turns her head to release the mango flavored vapor from her lips and accidentally blows it directly into the face of a 6’2 tall brunette standing next to her.

He does a slight cough

“sorry I didn’t mean to blow that into your face” She says assuming he’s just as drunk as the rest of the crowd and will just laugh it off moving past her however she is a little surprised to see the half drinking water bottle in his hand

“no you’re all good” he replies

“are you drunk?” Jade asks without thinking.

The boy lets out a slight chuckle before replying “no I’m actually one of the few people in this room who is still sober? What about you?”

“I’m not drinking tonight” she tells him

“cool I’m Luke by the way” He introduces

“I’m Jade” She responds

“do you want a water” Luke offers

“ya thanks” Jade says and the two begin the normally easy journey of making there way to the kitchen which has became increasingly harder due to the amount of underaged drunk people in the way.

Getting about three steps in and already being pushed around Jade feels a hand on her waist guiding her forward and realizes it’s Luke helping her.

Eventually the two make their way over to the kitchen where the music is coming from and Luke opens the fridge and hands Jade a water.

“Do you live here?” Jade asks seeing a very blurry photo of what appears to be Luke and a few guys hanging on the fridge.

“What?” Luke asks unable to hear over the music

“I asked if you live here?” Jade repeats louder “oh ya” he confirms

“so you play hockey I’m assuming?” Jade says loudly

Luke still unable to hear her completely points to the door assuming they are about to start a conversation and willing to do it in a quieter place. Jade shrugs unsure of the meaning

“I can’t hear you that well so do you wanna go outside?” Luke says Jade understands part of it and nods yes.

With Luke guiding her again to ensure she doesn’t get pushed and pulled in a million other directions the two make their way to the back door which has a do not enter sign on it and step outside into the much quieter backyard.

“Sorry I couldn’t hear a single thing in there” Luke says taking a seat on the steps.

“No worries it’s crazy loud” Jade says taking a seat next to him

“where are you from?” Luke asks

“Lexington, South Carolina” Jade answers

“oh nice my grandparents have a house in Myrtle beach there I use to visit every summer when i was a kid I remember they had this festival sea of something every year it was my favorite thing!” Luke says

“ya the sea of stars festival I went that all the time it’s my favorite too do you still go?” Jade asks

“nah not anymore I typically have hockey stuff going on so I’m not able to make it out in time” Luke explains

“So you’re a hockey player?” Jade asks

“ya I uh play for the wolverines and I got drafted a few years ago to play for the New Jersey Devils” Luke says

“really that’s awesome! I don’t know too much about hockey but I know a few of my friends like to watch it” Jade says

“ya I got two brothers playing in the NHL right now one of them is in Jersey the others in Vancouver” Luke says

“oh so you’re a big hockey family” Jade says

“ha ya ya kinda in my blood I guess” Luke says

“that sounds nice you always have people in the game your close with” Jade says

“ya ya it’s nice I’m probably gonna go play with my brother at the end of my season” Luke says his smile breaking a little

“are you not excited?” Jade asks getting a surprised look from Luke

“I’m sorry that wasn’t a great question” Jade says

“no no it’s fine it’s just people don’t usually ask if I’m excited because they assume I am”

“well are you?” Jade asks

“I think I am I think you know it’s every kids dream to play at that level and to get there is amazing but at the same time im gonna miss my friends and playing on a team with my brother where he’s already achieved so much and is constantly getting better I just I don’t know im not at the same level and being at Michigan I get to play as me but in jersey it’s him and I and ya I just I don’t know” Luke explains

“you don’t like getting compared to him” Jade spells it out

“ya ya that’s pretty much it” Luke chuckles “I’m different from my brothers and I just wanna make sure that’s known and I don’t wanna be in his shadow for my whole career” Luke continues

“I get it I mean I don’t get it completely but I do get it a little” Jade says

“what about you do you have any siblings?” Luke asks

“uh I have two step brothers” Jade answers

“ya that’s cool” Luke replies “are you guys close?”

“not really one is 27 and the other one is 23 and our parents got married when I was 14 so I never really lived with them but they are nice they both went to school in South Carolina” Jade says

“oh cool so why’d you choose Michigan instead of South Carolina?”

“I’m not that close with my parents I grew up mainly with my dad and he worked a lot and my mom was busy a lot and I don’t get along too much with my step mom and my friends were all going out of state so there was nothing really tying me down there and Michigan gave me a pretty good scholarship”

“ya that’s cool” Luke says

“So do you just not drink or just not tonight?” Luke asks

“just not tonight I wasn’t feeling it but my friend dragged me out so how about you?” Jade replies

“ya just not feeling it but couldn’t really escape the party being thrown downstairs so” Luke says

Jade laughs then she reaches into her back pocket and takes out her elf bar taking a hit and blowing it in the opposite direction of Luke before turning back to him.

“Do you want a hit?” She offers

“nah I’m good we get tested for drugs so I can’t” Luke explains Jade nods and puts the vape back in her pocket

The pair continue talking for an hour talking about hockey, growing up, family stuff and everything. Until the back door swings open.

“Hey sorry uh there’s a girl who’s really drunk I think she needs some help her names uh Kelsey says she knows you” a somewhat drunk Mark Estapa says

“oh shit” Jade says starting to get up Luke stands up as well and the pair walk inside to the almost empty space.

There were only about 20 people left and most of them were from the hockey team and almost all of them were drunk.

Mark escorts the pair to a hallway where the bathroom is and Jade sees her friend hunched over the toilet close to but not yet throwing up.

“I’m gonna go grab her a water” Luke says rushing to the kitchen

“thank you” Jade says walking towards her friend and pulling her hair back.

Kelsey begins throwing up and after a few minutes Luke comes back just in time with a bottle of water and a clean towel.

Kelsey flushes the vomit down the toilet and leans up against the wall accepting the towel and bottle

“water?” Kelsey asks

“ya it’s just water don’t worry” Luke says

Jade helps her friend twist off the cap and encourages her to drink the bottle.

“Where do you guys live?” Luke asks

“in the apartments about two streets over I’m gonna walk her home once she finishes the water” Jade says

“no look I haven’t had a sip of anything other than water all night let me grab my keys and I’ll drive you both home” Luke offers

“no no it’s ok I can’t ask that” Jade says

“you’re not asking I’m offering and it’s 2 in the morning you shouldn’t be walking home” Luke says

Jade flashes a slight smile at Luke and thanks him Luke returns the smile and walks out of the bathroom and upstairs to grab his keys.

Once he returns back down he shuts off the music still playing and checks on a few of his teammates all of them had been drinking except two sober ones who were watching over the rest of them.

Luke sighed knowing probably most of them were going to sleepover and he’d wake up in a house full of hungover people.

Once he got the all good signal from Jackson Hallum and Eric Ciccolini the two sober players Luke headed back to the bathroom where Jade was helping Kelsey onto her feet.

Luke took over and easily got her up and helped walk her to the door with Jade following.

The trio made it to Lukes car which was parked on the street and Jade sat in the back with Kelsey while Luke got in the drivers seat.

It was a short 5 minute drive. Jade thanked Luke again for driving them and Kelsey was falling in and out of sleep.

When they arrived at the apartment complex Jade swiped them in and Luke helps Kelsey get to Jades apartment.

Jade unlocks the door.

“You can just put her on the couch” Jade says

Luke helps Kelsey to the couch and she puts her legs up and cuddling into the couch

“you know you’re kinda cute” a drunk Kelsey says Luke and Jade laugh

“how did you manage to find a nice cute sober guy that’s like rare findings or something” Kelsey continues

“don’t let this one go” she says before finally resting her head down and falling asleep

Jade shakes her head and then places a glass of water on the coffee table in front of her.

“Thank you again so much” Jade says

“ya of course I’m glad she got home safe and she’s lucky to have a good friend to take care of her” Jade blushes a little bit which Luke notices

“um let me walk you out” Jade says

The two start walking towards the front door when a drunk Kelsey wakes up and says “don’t forget to get her number” clearly directed at Luke Jade shakes her head and laughs

“well it’s not a bad idea” Luke says Jade smiles and pulls out her phone and hands it to Luke having him type his number in she saves the contact and the two walk out of her apartment and back down to the lobby.

Luke flashes one last smile at Jade before exiting the building and getting back into his car driving back to his house.

A few of the guys were getting into Jackson and Eric’s cars with help from them and Luke called out to them to be safe before entering his house and seeing two of his roommates asleep on the couch and three of his freshman teammates asleep on the floor.

Luke shakes his head and heads upstairs into his own bedroom and lays down pulling out his phone and seeing a new message from an unknown number.

Thanks again for all your help and I had a really good time talking to you tonight :)

A/N I do intend for this to be a series I really hope you enjoyed reading it! I did write this in one sitting which is how I typically write meaning I do not always go back and proofread so I apologize for any errors! I would also like to state this is completely fiction not based on any true facts or stories! My requests are open if you have any blurbs you would like me to write!

All photos are from Pinterest

[humanjadewingletaskblog]

Chapter 4: Winter

Winter laid down on the top bunk of him and Qibli’s shared bunk bed.

He just came back to this school today and was relieved.

To be back with Qibli? Of course not, he had no opinion on Qibli whatsoever.

Winter was just relieved to be away from his parents again.

Breaks from school were awful, having to live with being a disappointment to his parents and them having clear favouritism towards his siblings all day.

School was his only escape.

The only place he could be himself without anybody caring.

Well, except his twin sister Icicle.

Icicle was his parents favourite child.

She did what she was told.

Never acted up.

Was never unordinary.

Winter had always had a feeling of being unordinary from everyone else, and it didn’t help that this summer he was diagnosed with depression.

After his diagnosis his parents got worse.

They never took his mental health problems seriously.

They just saw him as a baby who needed to calm down.

Everyone at school though was much more accepting.

Especially Qibli.

Qibli was perfect, a kind boy who was the only person he’s ever met that could perfectly tell what he needed, when he needed it.

Winter felt his face growing warmer the more he thought about him.

‘NO! I can’t be into him! My parents haven’t approved of him even as a friend. They ESPECIALLY wouldn’t approve since he’s a boy. I don’t like boys, never have, never will. I have to be what my parents expect of me. I need to grow out of this phase.’ He thought.

Winter heard the rustling of keys at the door.

He quickly grabbed his sketchbook to look busy.

The door opened and Qibli walked through the door.

He had a short, low ponytail in his hair.

Winter remembered before summer break started Qibli mentioned wanting to grow out his hair.

“Winter!” Qibli said while quickly putting his stuff down. “Get down here!”

Winter reluctantly agreed and Qibli wrapped his arms around him.

“I missed you so much! How was your summer? Mine was great! Sorry I took a while to get here I was helping out my mom and sister do some things.”

“My summer was…alright. You grew your hair out.”

“I DID! I’m so glad you noticed! Does it look good?”

“UH-UM, NO, NOT AT ALL! GET A PROPER HAIRCUT WILL YOU?”

“And what would you determine a ‘proper haircut’?”

“I- uh- well…okay maybe I didn’t think that far BUT FIND ONE!”

“Glad you’re still as stubborn as last year, I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t so stubborn.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Your stubbornness makes you very fun to tease,” Qibli said, smirking.

“I AM NOT FUN TO TEASE!”

“You really are, anyways, We’re gonna meet up with my friend and her roommate tonight for dinner just so you know.”

“Do I have to go?”

“Yes.”

“Why can’t I just eat dinner on my own?”

“Winter I know you, if I wasn’t bringing you with me you wouldn’t even go to dinner because you have ‘better things to do’.”

Winter fell quiet.

“Come on, it’ll be fun for you to get to know new people!”

“I would much rather perish than do that.”

“Ha! I know, but it’s good to try new things.”

“For you, maybe.”

“Look, trust me Winter, it will be fun! I promise my friend is nice and I bet her roommate is too.”

“Ugh, fine, I’ll go.”

“Yay! I mean, I was gonna make you go anyways but I’m glad you’re actually willing too!”

“A little.”

[angedemystere]

The Chosen S3: Ep 1 & 2 reaction

Ok ok ok I saw the first two episodes of Season 3! Initial thoughts that, yes, are at least a little spoilery. Don’t look under the cut if you want to avoid all that.

Something I kept in mind watching these is that this is only the beginning of the season, meaning there are plot lines that are just getting started and will be left dangling by the end of episode 2. It definitely makes me eager to see the rest of the season, but there’s also this unsettled feeling. That just comes with the territory.

But they also resolved concerns from last season, pretty much all in positive ways. It even had a sweet moment between Andrew and Mary M that would be easy to overlook because of other things going on, but it was important. It was good for both Andrew and Mary in terms of what they’ve gone through and how they will progress.

Always love a cameo from Creepy John! Looking forward to some more (which is gonna hurt I know). And surprise introductions of Joanna and Jairus! I honestly wasn’t sure what to expect of either of them, but ohhh this is going to be interesting.

Also loving what we’ve seen of Judas so far. Little hints here and there of his eventual downfall but also so much hope in him about helping Jesus and changing the world for the better I just 😭

The scene between Jesus and Little James is going to garner a lot of reactions, positive and negative, because it’s tackling a tricky topic. The scene brought tears to my eyes and I think it was well done, but I’ll need to rewatch and reflect on it to see if there are things I might have issues with. It’s going to be controversial, I don’t doubt it. 

Some character interactions were awkward in, I think, an intentional way. Awkward roommates, awkward acknowledgements of differences (especially between Tamar, Mary and Ramah). Believably awkward, but they still made me go “get me out of here” a couple times 🤣 Although Simon P and Eden getting interrupted from a little personal time was hilarious.

One thing I’m not completely sold on is Thomas and Ramah’s romantic feelings. The show points out that romantic love occupies a different place in 1st century Jewish culture than in modern Western culture. It wouldn’t have been considered a priority for marriage, nor something openly acknowledged or discussed outside marriage. That I can buy. But the other characters, at least Mary M and Tamar, are convinced Ramah is in love with Thomas. And I’m like...really? She’s fond of him, sure, but we don’t see much in the way of close, meaningful moments between them to make me think they’re mutually in love. Thomas, sure, but Ramah? Part of a running joke last season was how Thomas was trying to get Ramah’s attention or approval and almost always hit a wall. There is a little change when Ramah assures Thomas that he has done everything he can to help Jesus with the sermon prep, but that’s it. Seeing Ramah suddenly eager to marry him was a little jarring for me. I expected more buildup to her realizing that she has feelings for Thomas. 

Uggh I can’t wait to see the rest of the season! 

[jodilin65]

MONDAY, AUGUST 31, 1992 I’m on my patio which is very well-shaded. We need a massive thunder and lightning storm.

I went down to check the mail but there was nothing. I hear if any day he’s late, it’s Mondays. I’ll go check again in an hour.

I called for my test results and it still shows that I have a bacterial infection. Now I have to use a cream that’s been called in. That’s bad enough that I always have one fucking infection after another. What’s a whole lot worse is that in two months I must have another pap smear! No way. Those things are too painful. The nurse said to see if I can bring someone with me. Yeah, right. Get real. Like anyone cares?

I also called the phone company and found out two new things today. One is that I can get a letter of credit from CT to waive the $170 deposit. Two is I don’t have to pay $5 a month for long-distance blocks.

I will go talk to Tara later about her taking me to Hatcher St. with the form I had my doctor fill out. After I show them a rent receipt, proof of income and all that crap, they send the form to someone else. They’re the ones who either approve it or deny it. I have a feeling this is gonna take forever and I’ll be waiting there for 3 hours just like at the food stamp office. Also, one worker says you need to make an appointment, another says they don’t make appointments. That’s typical, huh?

I hope Andy can take me to Goot’s pharmacy. I’m so glad I was switched from Alupent to Proventil. I like it so much better cuz I get less of a pounding and racing heartbeat and I don’t have to use it as often. My asthma’s improved so much and today was the first day in years I did not have to take my Proventil when I woke up! I always used to have to take the Alupent or Proventil when I’d first wake up, but today’s the first day in years where I didn’t have to! I only took my Theodur and the Azmacort which are preventions, not meant to be taken whenever you feel like it. The Alupent and Proventil are the ones you take as needed to wipe out the wheezing instantly unless it’s so bad that you must go to the ER.

I think I will go and check the mail now, then go for a swim. I hope I’ve got a letter from Kim or somebody.

Later…

As usual, I didn’t get any mail at all. I think UPS will come tomorrow, rather than today.

I’ve spoken to Tara and Tonya a few times and we’ve had some really good talks. Tara said she appreciates having a woman around to talk to.

I’m gonna bring them my manicuring books and also an extra pair of scissors they mentioned needing. Then I’ll see when it’s convenient for Tara to take me to Hatcher St. I’m gonna have to wait till around the 15th, though. That’s when I can get a current rent receipt.

In the meantime, you know my rule. I’ve made the first move, now let them come to me. I sort of want to quit while I’m ahead and not see them too often to avoid problems just like I don’t see Kara every day. But Kara is a good friend and I do like her.

I’m gonna see if Andy wants to pay for us to go see the Twin Peaks movie, Fire Walk With Me. I’ll pay him back my share in food stamps if he wants.

The other day was so funny when Stephanie saw me coming to the pool with Tara and Tonya. She grinned and winked at me. I told Tara and Tonya that she was gay too and that I think she thinks we’re together. They laughed and thought that was funny. I told Stephanie alone, that they’re really nice and that they’re roommates who just moved in. I told her I doubted anything would happen, but I’d keep her posted.

That was the day I played volleyball in the pool with Sue, Steve, Robert, his cousin and a few others. It was lots of fun and Kara, Tara and Tonya were shocked at how many people I know around here.

Andy and Steph were talking about Tara and Tonya and Andy says Steph really likes me as a friend. That’s cool. I like her too.

A few days ago, due to Kara’s helping me, I gave her some cigarettes and made her, Ashley and myself a hot dog. We had lots of fun swimming, too. I put on my nose clips that time so I could go underwater and use both hands to do somersaults and handstands. Whenever I’d do a backflip, my hair would be in my face. It was really goofy looking and the look on Ashley’s face was so funny. I’m gonna go grab my nose clips and see if they’re home and want to go swimming now.

Later…

I went over to Kara’s and we all went swimming. You can tell Ashley’s getting to know me and recognizes me. Hopefully, she won’t be so fussy tomorrow when I babysit her. Kara’s mom got her a playpen for $5 at a yard sale. She’s gonna bring it over tomorrow which is great. That way I won’t have to be chasing her all over.

I now see Fay heading towards the other pool.

Last night, there was a knock on my door and it was Ellie. She goes, “Grab a cough of cuppee and…”

I cut her off saying I was busy and then I shut my door on her.

Today’s the kids’ first day back to school. Man, was this always a depressing day for me! Any miserable times as an adult sure beats my childhood. What a miserable kid I was. I hated school, and when I wasn’t in school I’d have to deal with my mom. Or Brattleboro and Valleyhead.

My nieces start school this Wednesday. Lisa’s excited, so thank God at least she enjoys school.

Tammy told me they’d get a letter out to me as soon as they get situated. I’ve got to get a letter out to Tammy and mom and dad. I have Sarah’s b-day card ready. I can’t remember if she’s gonna be 2 or 3. Becky’s 5 and Lisa’s 9.

I can’t wait till my family can come see me. I really do miss all of them and I’m dying to show off where I live and how happy I am.

Oh, guess what happened yesterday? When I went over to see Andy he asked, “Have you any idea why the Norwich police dept. would call at 5:11 in the morning?”

At first, I couldn’t think of any reason, then I remembered my letter to Debbie. The way I see it, it’s my constitutional right, there was nothing threatening or sexual. Just very very strange, but I’ll write no more letters to her. I told Andy to just ignore the call and that if he got a call and he didn’t recognize the voice and they asked for me, to say there’s no Jodi there. I mean, what the hell are they gonna do about a letter that makes no sense with a few pieces of hair in it?

Going for another swim now!

Later…

I am out on my patio now and I have been in such a good mood. Since I moved here I have had so many happy days despite the money problems. I wish I moved here a long time ago. I have had more happy days since June 9th than I’ve had in years. After being miserable for so long, I really appreciate being so happy now. It feels great. It also feels great to have my asthma be so much better.

Tomorrow marks two special anniversaries for me. One is that 7 years ago I began losing 40 pounds. Two is that it’s been 3 years with no Navane. I knew as well as other supportive and understanding people that I didn’t need any drugs. I needed a life with good people who were willing to deal with me, let me be myself and be there for me during my good and not-so-good times. No drug can replace what I have now, even though I’d still like to be a singer.

When I last went to the pool, Andy came in for a swim and we had a nice talk. We admired the beauty around us and compared it to back east. Here everything’s so new, cheap and beautiful. Back east everything’s old, dumpy and expensive.

There’s been an awesome breeze out and we’re due for a storm, I hear.

Andy and I made burgers and hotdogs on the grill. It took forever to get it lit cuz it was so windy. We also made collect calls from the payphone. He’s coming over in an hour or so and we’re gonna play cards.

I’m getting tired now, so if we do get a storm and he wants to go drive on top of the mountain, I don’t think I’ll go. I told him I would, but now I really am starting to tire down. I got up at 7:30.

I think I’ll go to the Jacuzzi now and later I’ll write about Tara. I really really like her!

Later…

It’s dark now and I’m on my patio. But I have my light on just inside my sliding glass door so I have plenty of light.

I went into the Jacuzzi a little while ago, then went to see Tara, but there was no answer.

Andy may have fallen asleep by now as he’s been up so long. I’m getting tired myself now so I’ll finish tomorrow.

Later…

I hope I get my package tomorrow!

Tara’s gonna take me to Goot’s, then I gotta be back by 3:00 at least so I can babysit.

Even though Kara’s moving two minutes away, I wish she wasn’t.

I met another girl who lives above Kara who’s also named Kara, but she prefers to use Linda which is her middle name. I’ve seen her boyfriend around several times as well as her.

I saw Sue today, too. Also, Stacey. Not Kara’s sister, but the other one who I couldn’t figure out why she left me hanging. Her son was in the hospital with pneumonia for 4 days and she hasn’t gone out cuz he’s still not quite over it. I told her to let me know if she needs me.

Andy was so funny at the pool earlier when we were cooking and on the pay phone. I had my suit on under my skirt which I took off to go for a swim. He put it on and started dancing around. Two people I didn’t know, along with Tara and Kara were cracking up. Then Paula was on her way around the corner showing apartments to people when I yelled out to him that she was coming. He quickly slipped it off, thanking me for the warning. Then says, “And these are the people that live here.” We were laughing our asses off, then I went and had a nice talk with Tara. I really do like her and I’m glad we met, but I’ll write all about her another time.

Current Location: Arizona

SUNDAY, AUGUST 30, 1992 Well, now I have to wait another month or so before I can lie out in the sun. I have this hideous sun poisoning. It’s an itchy rash all over that looks like lots of reddish zits. What a bummer, huh? Just when I’m beginning to really tan. I spoke to Dad earlier and he said to wear a T-shirt till it cools down.

He also said he called SS and for me to tell them to take a little at a time. I have 30 days to talk to them or ask for another waiver form, even though that’ll do no good. He said that September’s check will be the full $426 as they can’t touch it till they send me a letter stating how much they’re gonna take per month. The whole thing is so stupid. They’re doing this cuz I didn’t tell them sooner that I’d be moving.

All states are different as far as what they pay. New York and Massachusetts are the highest. Connecticut’s lower and Arizona’s nothing as far as SSI goes.

There’s a special edition of Unsolved Mysteries coming on, so I want to get a bite to eat. During commercials, I’ll write.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 29, 1992 I just polished my toenails and I’m writing while they dry.

Mark next door is occasionally fun to be around, but overall I’ve come to hate him. His attitude stinks and he hates the whole world. All he can do is rank on my friends, talk about sex and pressure me about getting stoned with him. So, yesterday when he knocked on my door to go swimming, I said I’d go and decided to turn the tables around. I reminded him of how he said he likes aggressive women who dish back to him what he dishes out. After all, I do give what I get. So, I started pressuring him into things I know he’s not into and ranking on all his friends. He said he no longer has any friends cuz they moved. I really gave it to him good at the pool. It was fun for both of us and when I said something that wasn’t too funny in his opinion, he pretended to laugh anyway.

Later…

I didn’t see Fay or Andy yesterday but Kara left a note on my door. They’re moving next Tuesday and I’m gonna babysit Ashley. Not that I’m looking forward to it, but it’s helping a friend while earning a little money.

Robert has his cousin visiting from Santa Fe. Luckily I woke up at 6:00 as at 8:00 he was running around up there to get the place cleaned up. It would’ve woken me up if I were sleeping and I’d have been pissed. His cousin’s getting up tomorrow at 6:00 and he says he’s a gorilla. I told him he better not be or I’ll be a gorilla. I have a right to my schedule, too.

I had a great time yesterday with Tara and Tonya. So far they’re super nice for such good-looking girls. We talked about all kinds of things and they’re definitely very open-minded and accepting of me.

Tara’s an awesome artist! She showed me an awesome airbrush painting she did and Tonya’s done some modeling. She showed me portfolios and several pictures and they were beautiful.

Their apartment is gorgeous. They have a 2-bedroom and there are also 2 bathrooms. One bathroom is just like mine and the bedroom’s the same size as mine. That’s the one Tonya has.

Tara’s room is huge and her bathroom’s big, too. She has a sliding glass door off of her bedroom that goes out to the patio along with the sliding glass door off the living room.

They each have their own car so they told me to let them know if I’ve got to go anywhere.

I showed them my place and my drawings, too. Tara’s drawings make mine look sick, though. I also showed them all the pictures Andy took. You know, the ones my mom flipped out about.

I had begun to tell them stuff about themselves I shouldn’t know. I thought, oops! I was afraid I’d freak them out, so I explained it to them. They thought it was so neat. They said they always wanted to meet someone like that and that they wish they could do that.

Well, there’s so much more to write, but I need to lie down for a little bit.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 28, 1992 I got up at around 3 AM and now I am eagerly waiting for the pool to open. It won’t be open till 8:00, said maintenance. I have my sliding door open and my windows. My ceiling fan’s on.

Every morning the maintenance guys go around the grounds collecting garbage with these tong-like things. They do various other stuff too, like repairs in apartments, painting, cleaning the grills and taking care of the pools and the grounds. Monday mornings suck. That’s when they mow the lawns.

While I was asleep, Kara left a note on my door. She wants to know if I’ll babysit Ashley next Tuesday. God knows I don’t want to, but I will to help my friend and earn a little money.

It amazes me that I never heard her knock.

Fay came over with a peace offering. A little table for my patio. We had a good talk and I told her how I felt. She is a nice person, she’s funny, and she’s helped me and cheered me up, but if there are any more lies, I’ll end it with her permanently with no peace offerings. She promised me that if she has anything to say about me, she’ll come say it to me.

I haven’t really seen Ellie and I don’t miss her. I think I’ll only be able to handle her if I see her very occasionally.

I got more color yesterday at the pool but I have this obnoxious itchy heat rash.

I didn’t see Sue at the pool, the girl I just met who works for the children’s protective services. Instead, I saw Angel, Brian, Bonnie, Stephanie and Tara.

At 11:00 I had gone to Tara’s to tell her the truth, but there was no answer. She said maybe she was in the shower as she’s home all day unless she’s got errands.

Fay gave me good advice. She said to go over, be honest, tell them the truth and what happened with Rosemarie. Fay said to tell them to make up their minds and keep them made up. Don’t go jerking me from one extreme to another and contradict themselves as Rosemarie did.

So, while I was using the grill I saw Tara at the pool. I told her I must be honest with her up front and she’s to take it or leave it. When I told her she laughed, saying she thought I was gonna tell her some big horrible thing, like I killed someone. She said her aunt’s gay and she and Tonya both had gay friends back in Colorado.

I told her I’d stop by her place sometime today. I’ll go see Kara also.

When Robert came down to go to school, he said to let him know if I find a black wallet. I asked if it was finder’s keeper. He said there was no money in it. Only his driver’s license. Oh well.

I’m waiting for Mark to come out to go to school. I’m gonna pounce all over him. I’ll write about that one later. Now I’ve got to have a bite to eat while I’m waiting for Mark and waiting for the pool to open. I need a good swim to wake me up.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 27, 1992 Yesterday my food stamps came! I was so psyched and I literally cried tears of relief. Angel’s husband Brian took me to the store cuz Andy was asleep at the time. Once I finished shopping and was in the checkout line, I saw Andy at the courtesy desk. He ran over to the thrift store, then brought me back. It feels so great to finally have a full refrigerator and full cabinets. I will now eat quite well.

Andy and I spoke yesterday at his place. He was very upset with the people who are supposed to fix his car.

He also said several things Fay and Ellie said that were bullshit. I’m so sick of Ellie’s delusions and moods. Her mood changes every 5 minutes and the woman is a nut.

Also, I’ve been catching Fay in more and more lies that are just adding up too much. I also know she was the one who lied to Rosemarie and Rick and got them to come over here. She said that if she did, it was her business. Yeah, well they really made it my business too, though, in the end, she did me a favor.

Andy told me other lies that he said he knew were lies. He also says he thinks Fay’s jealous cuz I’m tiny and she’s a 270-pound bitch. Also, she said she was gonna dump me (to Andy) and Andy feels she doesn’t want me to have any friends. She won on that one, cuz I’m not gonna have many friends.

I went over to her place and told her I’ll dump her and do the job for her. I told her how I feel and that she and Ellie cannot have a 24-hour-a-day friendship with me. They said they understood my schedule’s crazy, but naturally, they contradicted themselves on that one.

I’m tired of both their games and attitudes and I told them both I no longer want anything to do with either of them.

Andy says all this is still worth meeting people. What, does he want to get hurt? And see others get stepped on? I’m sorry, but I have self-respect and if I allowed myself “friends” like them I wouldn’t be a true friend to myself. Hey, that’s what happens when you lie. You do lose friends. True friends don’t do the things they’ve done.

I’ll write more later. I need a smoke now.

Later…

I got up last night at 2 AM. I’d have preferred to sleep till 4:00 or 5:00, but at least I have food and cigarettes.

I washed my hair and I’m gonna make sure I don’t get it in the pool today. When I go tanning I’ll put it up. I got some good color yesterday and I want to get more today. The only obnoxious problem is that I get a heat rash. Heat rash and break out with lots of little itchy bumps that look like thousands of zits. Mainly on my chest, stomach, thighs, and a little on my shoulders.

So far in the 3 months I’ve been here, or almost 3 months, I’ve been stabbed in the back and dumped by two people, and I dumped one liar and 1 nut job. Real good, huh?

Every time I want to be left alone and ignored, there’s somebody else there. Do I have a sign on me that says: Be my friend and real nice at first, then dump me or give me a good reason to dump you?

I was in the pool on my raft when some girl called out hi to me as if she knew me. She spoke more than I did and we discussed many things. Mainly about Arizona, other places and people. She told me she studied a lot about human behavior and when she mentioned her very good job as a children’s protective worker and all about the school, it scared me. Her job’s no match for one on disability and once again, just cuz I know I’m not stupid and I know myself, am happy with who and how I am, know my feelings, and I don’t need her coming down on me. She didn’t, though my head was saying not to talk to her. My heart was saying don’t prejudge her by others, wait till she does something. I told her this up front too, and that I’ve had a lot of problems with some of the people there.

Well, she’s OK as a pool buddy. Then again, I wonder if pool buddies are a cool idea. When they fuck me over, I’m gonna want to go to the pool and I’d appreciate not having to see them or know they’re there. Makes me wanna puke when I see Donna or Rosemarie and now Fay and Ellie.

Tonya wasn’t at the pool but Tara was. She wrote down her number which I never asked for. There are 3 things I could do, and I don’t know which one I should do. One, I could go over there and say nothing. Two, I could tell them I’m gay, accept it or leave it without changing their minds later on down the road. Three, ignore them. God, do I hate this! What do I do?

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 26, 1992 Well, I didn’t sleep as long as I’d have liked to. I slept till 12:30.

My neighbor, Cliff, who lives above Mark, says he’s got the day off tomorrow and can take me to the store. I hope I get my food stamps tomorrow, but I doubt it’ll be that soon. Yesterday, though, I did get my food stamp ID card. I hope they’re on their way for once, but if not I’ll have to use the few dollars I have to get a few things. I need to spare my cash for cigarettes and I hope mom and dad have money on the way.

It seems like 80% of my journals are all about my need for money. Is this how it’ll be for the rest of my life? But of all the reasons I can come up with that are not worth living for, this is another one. Who wants to go through life having no food half the time? You don’t have to feed a dead person and mom and dad don’t have to worry or help a dead person financially. A dead person can’t worry about not being a singer. A dead person can’t be burned by jerks. A dead person can’t want to be with someone.

God, I hate feeling this way! Especially here. It’s too beautiful here to have to worry about food and money. I’m glad that it’s gotten much easier these days knowing I cannot have a career as a singer, or the ideal relationship, or a child, but I’d be super, super, super happy if I could eat, pay the rent and bills and have a little left over for fun.

Thank God my parents and their place is OK. Dad says within two months I’ll have the rest of my stuff back.

Yesterday I sent out my electric bill and letters to Lisa, Fran and Nervous. I sent out Andy’s letter as well as Debbie’s letter. I also had junk mail with no-postage-necessary envelopes. I’ve sent in Debbie’s request for a jewelry catalog as well as for a Visa card. In a few months, Barbara will get a letter. Meanwhile, whenever I have a no-postage-necessary envelope for whatever, I’ll send it to Barb and Debbie along with various other people. I have to get a letter out to Mark, Tammy and my parents next.

Later…

I am dead tired today. I didn’t even sleep 8 hours and wish I’d slept a few hours later. Once I’m up, though, I’m up. I’ll just feel groggy all day. What would really perk me up would be to get my food stamps today, go shopping, come back and go swimming and work on my tan.

I spoke to Ellie and Fay briefly yesterday. As usual, Ellie started off cheerful, then she got crabby.

I helped Fay fill out a form for her yearly food stamp review. I left her alone in the apartment for a few minutes to go tell Mark I’d get a ride from someone else (he was drinking) and she stepped out saying she’d be right back. I hope she didn’t steal anything which I haven’t discovered yet. You know how paranoid I am about that. I also do a damn good job of attracting people like that.

I very quickly spoke to Stephanie and Angel yesterday. Angel’s sister Grace has gone back to Idaho where they’re from and now another sister of hers is here. I guess her name’s Bonnie. On my way out of the pool area, Angel asked me how things were going. I told her I’d be friendly and say hi, she’s never done me wrong, but I’m being cautious and keeping my mouth shut. I told her thanks for her concern, she’s a nice person, but I’ve been burned twice unfairly. I’m keeping to myself.

I also met two really nice girls who are roommates named Tara and Tonya. I met each one once before. They both have cute faces and medium-length hair blond hair. Tara’s a little heavy and Tonya has a very nice figure.

Tara says she plays the keyboards and they both want to get together with me. Once again, they all seem nice in the beginning, so I really hope they don’t pursue my friendship. I don’t think they’ll really bother seeking me out. They seem fairly stable and not the type to do such things. I have no idea how open-minded they may or may not be, but they seem like the dumpers, more than the dumpees.

The maintenance man came and fixed my bathroom faucet which dripped. He also moved my underwear almost behind the toilet but left my shorts and tank top where they were. I gave him permission to come in if I wasn’t here and I guess males are always males no matter what. I shouldn’t have left the clothes there either. The maintenance men stare me down all the time. They’re shabby scabby Mexicans. The exact type that would stare me down. I gave a show on my patio the other day. I pretended to be fighting with someone in my apartment.

I got some more CDs in the mail. That was fast.

When I go to the store, it’ll be after the mail gets here, but I doubt my food stamps will come today. Fay said Friday or Saturday, but I hope sooner.

Later…

I just spoke to Mark briefly, then went into the Jacuzzi.

Fay was on the pay phone and I headed over to Ellie’s for coffee but she was asleep. I could see her in bed through the side of her blinds.

I borrowed Andy’s vacuum yesterday and I woke him up. Well, I didn’t, his door did. He’s got a very squeaky door. Sometime today, I’m gonna vacuum my bathroom and kitchen after I scrub them down.

At 9 AM I’m gonna watch a talk show.

MONDAY, AUGUST 24, 1992 I am a little anxious now as I’ve heard on the news Florida’s gonna be hit by Hurricane Andrew. It’s supposed to be the worst in history. We’ve been hit here with tropical storm Lester and we’ve had lots of rain. I guess Miami’s gonna get it worse, but they say the coast is always the main target and I’m worried about my folks. No one in this family needs any more shit. We’ve all had enough and should they lose their home I’d be just as affected. I don’t mean to sound selfish, but my pictures and other things of mine are there. Also, I need their help financially. All they need is that crisis on top of what’s happening to me now. I’m scared for them and I’m scared for myself. This hurricane is supposed to be worse than Hurricane Hugo in 1989. They’ve also already estimated 10 billion dollars worth of damage.

Not only do I pray to you God to lift the curse off of me and allow me to be OK real soon money-wise, but leave my parents alone, too! Don’t let this hurricane destroy them. What is it I must do to make everything OK? With my parents and with me? If you can hear me up there, please spare my parents and find a way for me to go to the grocery store fast. For a huge shopping order. Please let them send me my food stamps this week. I promise to behave and keep out of trouble if you make sure I have enough food and cash. Also, please let my test results be OK and the visit with my parole officer be OK. Take care of my parents and me in the way that I ask and I will try to be as good as I can and I will keep to myself. Remember how happy I was when I first came here, even though I had a bad vibe? Allow me to feel that again, worry-free with no bad vibes. All I can say is that I’ve been through too much. Enough is enough and I don’t want to “prove” my strength anymore. I miraculously went through the crap I did in CT and with money here and never cut myself. Isn’t that enough? Isn’t that good enough proof for you? Let me be OK so I can relax and be happy. Free me from worries, fears and anxieties. Take care of my parents. There’s nothing else I can say as I’ve nailed it to the point.

Later…

I’m watching Matlock now and I think I’ll go to bed after Oprah. I’ve been up since 8:00 last night. I hope no one knocks on my door or Robert walks too hard so I can sleep hopefully much later than 8:00.

Starting at 8:00 Eastern time I began trying to reach my parents and got no answer. At 9:30 Eastern time, I got in touch with Tammy after the line was busy for a while. She’d just spoken to Ma and they’re fine and so is the island. She did leave on the 1st but they went other places before getting to Mom and Dad on the 10th. On the way back a suitcase of clothes fell off the top of their van. Dad said the same thing happened on the way down.

I spoke to Mom and Dad and they’re fine.

I do have more to say, but I’ll write later. I’m getting very tired.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 23, 1992 I’m watching Little House on the Prairie. The Twin Peaks movie is finally out. It starts on the 28th. It’s called Fire Walk With Me.

Last night I thought of a great way to mail letters free with no stamp. You write the address of the person you want it sent to as the return address. Put a phony name and address as the one you’re gonna send it to and it’ll get sent to the one you want it sent to returned for postage.

I made up a letter for Robert upstairs with some of the hair my dad sent. I also got a new and better letter for Debbie back in Oakwood Knoll with some hair. Next will be Barbara a few months from now. I want to space them out. I also have several others to send mail to in MA. Besides Nervous, Fran and Kim.

When I get a phone I’ll contact Jessie collect. If it won’t go through, I’ll try from a payphone or write her a letter. I also am gonna send Andy a letter. It’s got his address as the return one, of course, and Jayke in Chicopee, as who he’s sending a letter. He always says he never gets letters anymore since I moved here. It’ll be a surprise as I haven’t said anything about it.

I’ve got to stop for something to eat. I’m fucking starving!

Later…

I’m boiling water now to make some noodles.

Earlier I ran into Robert and two of his buddies. He introduced us (I forgot their names) and I joked once again about how I saw him profiled on America’s Most Wanted. He laughed and said he saw me on his milk carton. I told him I ran away from Taxachusetts.

We all went to the Jacuzzi and were laughing and telling all kinds of jokes.

He reminded me of our little arrangement and asked if I knew of any girls for him. I told him I didn’t and he knew of no one either.

He asked if it was me who made those funny calls and I burst out laughing. He said he knew of some pranks for me and they were all laughing at my calls to him. I told him about the letter and I gave it to him when we got back.

I have to send a letter to Mark next door. Then again, I’d rather send one to Donna. It’s been a long time since she’s heard from me. I have to try this on my mom and sister, too.

I wonder if my sister’s back home now. She said she’d call me when she returned but I have not yet heard from her.

Monday I need to call my bank about my balance. Also, I’ll call Peggy Sue at DES (Dept. of Economic Security) about my goddamn mother-fucking food stamps. Will I ever get them? If I don’t and what with SS fucking me over, my parents are gonna need to send me around $300 a month. I mean, they’re absolutely gonna have to. I can’t be evicted and totally starving. So they may have no choice.

I’m managing fairly well to try to keep my fear, anger and anxiety in check and smile and laugh. I’m also nervous about the results of my pap smear and when my parole officer comes to see me. I also want a phone!

Now with no more babysitting jobs except for Kara’s baby occasionally and not knowing what the fuck’s going on with my money, I better wait on getting a phone. I hate babysitting with a passion but I do need the money. I’m gonna call up Stacey, or go over there and thank her for leading me on, rather than telling me what’s going on.

I’m so sick of worrying about money! My stomach problems are worse since I have no choice but to not eat right. I never ate right all the time when I did have food money, but now it’s been so long since I’ve eaten right or enough. Not since last May. What is my purpose in this world? I wanna try to enjoy myself here the best I can without worrying about money, bills and food. And mind my own business, stop being so friendly and stop making friends. Just say hi to people and leave it at that.

I wish I could go to bed now and get up at 1:00. That way I can tan. Tomorrow’s gonna be a great day for that at only 94º.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 21, 1992 Not too much happened today. Andy and I went to get my meds. I got my Theodur and Azmacort, but they say as of Aug. 1st, the state will no longer pay for Alupent. It figures there’s got to be some problem for me. The woman there is gonna call Dr. Kareus and see if it can be changed to something similar like Proventil or Ventolin.

I’m really nervous about the results of my pap smear. This bloating stomach of mine, along with the funny feeling in my lower belly and the discharges has been going on too long. It’s really obnoxious. I am DES-exposed after all, and I do have a much higher chance of cervical cancer.

I swear that if I ever did need surgery again in my life for something that serious, I’d refuse. I’d rather die first and I still feel there are more reasons to want to drop dead than to live for. There are too many more problems in this world, even though things have improved as far as my living conditions. Too many more fucked up people than good and too many second-best and settlements to live for.

I still feel there’s a curse on me and there’s still a long way to go to getting food stamps and financial security. Something’s out to get me and get me good. It would’ve sounded crazy to me a long time ago, but now it’s rather obvious. So much goes wrong that I didn’t deserve. People shit on me I never shit on.

The horriblescopes, as we call them, in the TV guide are always accurate. What I read scared me. I went over to say hi to Fay. She gave me some cups and mugs she no longer wanted and whenever she’s got the TV guide I read the horriblescopes. I can remember reading these from TV guides a few years ago and what they said was true. The only thing it was off on was romance cuz it doesn’t apply to me. I read the horriblescopes from last Sat. to this Sat. It said to keep isolated and distance myself from people, otherwise, they’ll burn me whether I ask for it or not. It was right. The horriblescope from this Saturday to next Saturday was scary, but I figured as much anyway. It said delays and frustrations are right for me now.

Gee, thanks a lot! When is this shit gonna end with food stamps and SS? Taking away my dream of becoming a singer and having lust is enough. Making life one big settlement’s enough, but can’t I eat and pay my bills?! When it’s over, you know it’s over, but I can still sense more trouble ahead. Sometimes I wish I would come down with some terminal disease. One that’d wipe me out quickly and painlessly. I doubt there’s any such way to go, but I have had just way too much physically and mentally. Why can’t I just have one solid year of non-stop happiness and peace? This crap with Rosemarie was one thing. That much I can deal with. I’m so used to it, but give me my God damn food stamps and get SS off my back with their lies and bullshit! That way, settling will be easier and the smaller problems will be more tolerable. I have too many major setbacks which all hit me at once. All can go OK for a while, then I’m hit with several major issues and problems. Space them out and cut them down in size and severity, please God!!

Later…

We’re having a thunder and lightning storm which is awesome. We’re also having a cool spell. It actually feels cool and very comfortable. It’s around 75º but it feels so much cooler. If it were 75º at home, it’d be hot. Probably muggy, too. We do have some humid days here but nothing like back east. Notice how I refer to it as back east, rather than back home. Anyway, it’s very dry now and there’s a fantastic breeze. I always open my two windows and my sliding glass door when it’s windy to air out the place. The storm’s over now but before, during and after a storm it’s very windy.

Now I see what Andy means when he tells me it does get chilly in the winter. Too chilly to swim and when it gets below 60º it’s chilly. It feels cooler than it actually is but when it’s 110º, you feel it!

My asthma’s doing great. Tomorrow it’s supposed to be only 94º! That’ll feel like 80º and today they said it was 102º. I slept all day, of course. I think I can stand to turn off my AC tonight, or at least push it way up. I wish I lived on the 2nd floor so I could sleep with my windows open and have more privacy. I’ll just keep the blinds down. The girl on the second floor next to Andy’s moving out. He’s gonna talk to Stacey, the complex manager, about breaking up the $95 transfer fee in payments over the next year. I doubt she’ll go for it, but we’ll see. I have all the free time in the world so it doesn’t bother me. It’s something to do.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 20, 1992 I’ll now write about what happened with Rosemarie and Rick the other night. I was already in a bad mood due to that letter from SS. I still hadn’t gotten ahold of my dad yet at that time. I was making coffee when there was a knock on my door. It was Rosemarie. Apparently, Rick was hiding around the corner cuz at that time I didn’t see him. I guess she felt she needed his protection. She said she came to “set me straight.” I told her she did that a month ago when she told me she wanted nothing to do with me. She was the one who went from claiming to be so open-minded and accepting to being unable to accept people who aren’t just like her. She stabbed me in the back and prejudged and misjudged me.

Then she said she heard I was running around telling people I want her body. That’s bullshit, of course, as I’ve only told Andy, Fay and Ellie and I don’t see why they would tell the whole complex this. She also said something about me saying she was beating the shit out of me. I have no idea about that one either, but I just hope I didn’t misunderstand what was really her threatening me and me not jumping her for it, with or without Rick’s protection. She said not to leave letters on their door. Well, of course, I know all about that one but denied it, even though a red flat with Fay’s name went up on that one. Could she have told her about that? Would she tell her about that?

She added that she and Rick are fighting, though I don’t know what this has to do with me. I told her they’re all worked up over nothing, and their paranoia and fighting is their problem, not mine.

Then she said, “So, you’re saying she’s lying?”

I asked who’s “she” and she said she couldn’t say cuz she promised she wouldn’t say her name.

Yeah, sure. Whatever. It was probably Fay she misunderstood or something unless now it’s Fay’s turn to turn into a backstabber. Anyway, they made up everything except the letter, which I denied, of course.

Then as I opened the door and she was leaving, Rick appeared. He said, “I’m bothered, but I do understand your fantasy. Leave us alone. Don’t hang by the pool, don’t lurk.”

I said that I don’t “lurk” and if I want to swim in the pool, that’s my choice and my right. And sure he understands my “fantasy!”

Then they left. I’m sure the reason why they never attacked me was cuz they didn’t know how it’d come back on them by way of management or the cops. Plus, I know where they live. They sure as hell pissed me off. Big time. I was already in the foul and shittiest mood and I snapped. I’m sick of being the nice one, not asking for the shit I get, and people getting away with giving it to me. I wanted to show them who they were dealing with and who they just pissed off and over the edge.

As I opened my door to walk out, Dave the security guard was there. He said he was just coming to knock on my door and I told him exactly what happened. Then as I headed over to their place, my anger building more and more, his supervisor heard it all over the walkie-talkie and thought I was trying to commit suicide. I was really throwing rocks up to their place yelling for them to come down and face me again. I was so pissed! I really wanted to fight and get my anger out! It would’ve been on the right people, too. I know they heard me, but they never had the guts to open their door. Again, even though I wasn’t threatened (at least I don’t think I was), I was so pissed and wanted their asses so bad. I was sick of being shit on. Maybe I should’ve gone up and tried kicking their door down, even if I would’ve gotten arrested.

Then I headed back to my place and Dave followed. We talked and he began to calm me down. He said he understood I’m not usually like this and knew I’d never go off like that without a good reason. He said, “Smoke your cigarette and calm down. You’re doing well. I’ll get you a glass of water.”

So then two cops came and they were very friendly and I told them what happened. They said not to worry and that all will work out fine. Gee, I hope so cuz I’m really, really sick of this shit with the people here!

I saw him earlier tonight and he gave me a hug as I thanked him for talking with me.

Now I really, really mean it when I say no more friends other than the people I already know! I’m not talking to any new people. And now I have to try to figure out if Fay really is a friend or not. How else would Rosemarie know it was me who left the note on the door unless she or Rick saw me?

After I go make coffee, I do have more to write about concerning Kara.

Later…

Everything on TV was boring tonight, so now I’ll write about Kara. She came over and asked if I was OK and she told me she saw 3 cruisers pull up. I told her what happened and we ended up having a long, very nice talk. Between her and her mom and sister, I always took a liking to her most of all. I could sense she was the most open one of them all and the easiest to talk to. I could sense she and her sister were complete opposites like me and my sister. She told me her sister is a bitch and they were never close. She also says Stacey’s not very dependable. As in babysitting. I told her to tell Stacey to tell me if she’s not interested in a babysitter flat out, rather than leave me hanging.

I also wonder about the other Stacey, too. If I don’t hear from her in a week or so, I’ll call her. I will tell her just the same. “Tell me you’re not interested, but do not lead me on, keeping me wondering and waiting.”

Kara and her mom are moving across the street to a 2-bedroom apartment at the Via El Camino complex. She told me she’d always need me to babysit here and there, but especially so if she gets a job.

I also had another “sense” about Kara. When I told her why Rosemarie shit on me, I told her she could run out, too. I’m used to it. She said she knew gay people back in Michigan where she’s from as well as here and that she’s slept with women, too. Mostly during threesomes. I told her I wasn’t shocked. I sensed it. She also said she’s got a good 6th sense and she suspected I was gay. It’s funny how in the bars they all swear I���m straight, yet more and more people outside of bars tell me they’ve suspected me. And you know I look far from dyky. Maybe it’s my muscle tone and firm “don’t fuck with me” attitude I give off at the same time I give off an open, sensitive attitude and have a sense of humor. I know she’s bi, but she’s more into men. The funny thing about Kara is that she’s plain and homely, but she’s not. I don’t know why but I constantly think of her. Naturally, I’d never ever dare tell her. I know she’d never turn around and punch me out, but I’d still never tell her. It’s my secret and she’s more into men and could think I’m ugly for all I know.

She did ask if I’d like to go out to this place near the Metro Center. A place with pinball games and stuff like that.

She said anytime I need to talk, she’s there. I was so afraid and so hesitant about being her friend and she said she understood why. I said I hope our friendship does stick and she said it’ll stick with utter confidence. That’s cool and I really do like her and appreciated her talking with me. She came over a few days ago too, to visit with me.

I’m gonna go out on my porch and have a smoke. I really shouldn’t smoke in the apartment.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19, 1992 My God, I cannot believe all the things that have happened since I last wrote! In less than 24 hours my whole world turned upside down once again. There’s always one problem after another that I don’t ask for. Mainly with money and backstabbing people. I’m cursed no matter where I live but the problems are mainly food and money. I’ve been so damn happy here otherwise, so why can’t whatever’s cursing me leave me alone?

Upon arriving here in Arizona, I had a horrible vibe about money and food. It’s like I could hear something telling me it’ll only allow me so much to eat. Enjoy food when you’ve got it cuz it won’t last long. Something’s out to starve me and get me real good. The only thing I can think of as to why this is happening is cuz I billed a couple of calls to Gloria, but the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. What happened with Rick and Rosemarie is enough. Why keep me with money problems, very little for me to eat, and keep the food stamps stalling? Gloria’s fucking rich!

Rosemarie’s a bitch who’s no surprise. I mean, typical happenings with the ones I’m attracted to and I’m used to that. But sex with Rosemarie or other gorgeous women isn’t a necessity. Food is. And paying the rent and the electric bill.

Ellie never came to my door like she said she would and I fell asleep at 9 AM. Kara knocked on my door asking me if I could babysit her daughter Ashley from 2:00 - 3:30. I said I would and she went to a job interview. I was psyched, and she gave me $10 in food stamps.

I woke up in a fine mood even though I was quite hungry.

I told her I was gonna go check my mail, then get the baby. As I walked closer to my mailbox, my hopes for any food stamps began to fade. A bad vibe came on stronger. I knew they were gonna come after my SS check! They pulled the same shit they pulled when I moved to CT. They say I’m overpaid and are gonna snatch $231 out of my $426! But I never even was overpaid. Then they said I didn’t tell them I was moving in time to prevent the overpayment. Also, they proved that me paying the money back wouldn’t put a financial hardship on me. Ha! How do you call using $200 to pay rent of $277, the electric bill and food no financial hardship? Oh yeah, that’s really easy.

These people are fucking fucked in the head and they don’t give a shit about no one but themselves and taking away people’s money to spend it on garbage. The food stamp people only care about minorities and single mothers.

While I babysat Ashley I sat there crying, wishing I could enjoy my happiness here without worrying constantly about food and money. Wishing I could drop dead so as not to worry about being able to eat, pay bills, depend on others for help and live a second-best life. Life is one big settlement. Any curse here is better than being in Norwich. However, I feel like life’s one big sentence and I’m just waiting till my time’s up. Whatever it is up there took away my music and I’ll never have real serious lust, but why this? Can’t I have smaller problems less often? Can’t I eat OK and pay my bills easily enough? Kara gave me a couple of TV dinners and I tried calling mom and dad. As usual, when it’s urgent and you really need them, they’re not home. If you’re happy and just gonna say hi, they answer. Next time something important comes up, I won’t even bother calling right away. And with one curse after another, I know it won’t stop at this point. I finally did get in touch with my parents at around 8:30 my time. Dad answered and I told him the whole story. I told him I’d send him a photocopy of the bullshit letter from SS. He said not to worry and that it was a minor problem he can take care of. He said let them take it out of my check and he’ll send me some money. Meanwhile, he said to call the food stamp people and tell them I need my food stamps.

But I’ve been doing that since June 9th!

I have tons and tons more to write about, but I am way too tired. I’m sneezing my ass off and I hope I’m not coming down with anything. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Also, I think Terros is coming out.

Later…

I am here now at Dr. Karius’ office and I guess it’s a good thing I brought this journal. The receptionist told me he’s way behind.

I never could fall asleep last night till nearly 6 AM. I couldn’t stop sneezing. I got up and took some Suditab my mom sent me, then fell asleep. Right now, I am still very tired. I kept waking up constantly. Every hour or so. I’m not sneezing too much now but my eyes are a little swollen and puffy even though Andy says they’re perfectly white.

I still haven’t gotten my food stamps today but am I surprised?

I left off last night with my talk with my dad. After I ask the receptionist if there’s a place around here where I can get some coffee and a bite to eat, I’ll continue with Rosemarie and Kara.

Later…

I am home now, thank God. I was at the doctor’s for so long. Around two hours. The doctor said never to make appointments on a Wednesday. Shouldn’t he have told me this before?

Hunter’s going on now so I’ll write when it’s over.

Later…

We’re having a humongous thunder and lightning storm now.

There’s not much to say about the doctor’s visit. But he did say there’s still a funny discharge. I’ll call in a week to find out the results of the pap smear. It certainly didn’t tickle and I was bleeding afterward. He said that can happen.

I weigh 99 pounds. He also filled my prescriptions. They filled out my TAP form and photocopied that letter from SS. I hope it’s not raining inside the mailbox I threw it in.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 18, 1992 I am not in the best of moods right now. Two other people I know got their food stamps. What in the hell is going on with me? Why do they continue to do this to me? I can’t keep eating only soup and crackers on a daily basis! If the food stamp people still plan on never sending me my stamps, I’ll starve cuz for all I know my next babysitting job could be ages from now. I only have a few bucks on me and a little in the bank. That’s got to be used for my electric bill. What did I do to deserve this? Is this compensation for my moving here? Just cuz I moved, God’s got to take away my food? Taking away my singing career and good sex is enough! Can’t I just have enough food to eat every day? Please, God! Take away the singing, take away Rosemarie and other people like her, make them dump on me, but don’t take away my food! Let me eat! Please let them send me my food stamps this week!

The only good news is that I got that journal through priority mail from Kim.

Later…

I thought I’d get up early today, or yesterday, I should say. I thought the lawnmowers would wake me, but I thought wrong. I was actually falling asleep as they were mowing the lawns.

Ellie is gonna wake me up at 1:00 with coffee.

I desperately need to go tanning. I don’t know about that, though. I just heard them say on TV it’ll be 112º tomorrow! I may have to hold off on my deep dark tan until September or October.

Wednesday I have a doctor’s appointment and I sure hope I’m not told anything I don’t want to hear. Andy says he’ll pick up my prescriptions the next day on his way home from work. I hope he remembers. He’s got shit for memory but he claims to be giving up pot for a few months.

I still haven’t made up my mind on whether or not to slip Rosemarie that note. I’m sure I’m wasting my time, and again, if it were meant to be I’d have found that out long ago. I’ll never be able to sleep with a woman as beautiful as she is. With my luck, she’ll refuse to even take the note when I hand it to her. If I do. Hey, why not one of these days? So what if I know it’ll come to nothing. The game of it is still fun.

Later…

Speaking of notes, I almost forgot to mention what Andy did. He delivered the same note Mark got to Rosemarie. At 11:30 or so, he was out taking a walk and he taped it to their door. Fay said she thinks Rick leaves before Rosemarie and I hope she’s wrong. I hope she gets it, but even if she doesn’t, naturally she’ll hear all about it. What a confusing way to start off your morning, regardless of who gets it first!

MONDAY, AUGUST 17, 1992 I can’t sleep so I figured now’s a good time to write. I still have some updating to do. Well, my sister’s 35 now. I guess she, Bill and the girls will be home in a few days. I sent out a letter to Becky and now I’ve got to get one out to Lisa, Tammy and my parents.

When in the hell will I get the rest of my picture collection sent to me?

Stacey, Justin’s mom, got fired from her job last Monday. She still says she and her husband will need a regular babysitter. She says she’ll let me know when she needs me to babysit. The other Stacey said that too, and I hope they both hurry the hell up. I need the money. I swear God’s out to starve me! He just doesn’t want me eating on a normal and regular basis. But why? I still don’t believe I’ll ever get food stamps till I see it. It’s been 3 months now. Why are they doing this to me? Last Friday I got the form to sign from the woman who did my phone interview. I signed it and enclosed a rent receipt and my electric bill stub. I mailed it out that day. I’ve done all that’s required of me, yet for all I know, they’ll wait another 3 months. Even a whole month is too long unless I can babysit.

I learned how to use the grills here, which is easy. Very convenient, too. No dirty frying pan to clean after I make a hamburger.

I ran into Ellie that night and I played with her head a bit and teased her. She also trimmed my hair at midnight on the 16th. I had her take off 2”, trim my bangs, and blend my antlers, as I call them, to make it look better as it grows out. She did a very nice job and of course, my hair is now in shock. If you only trim your hair once or twice a year, it will go into shock. It appears 3 or even 4 inches shorter, but the great thing about it is, is that in only a week it’ll be back where it was. Then, it’ll fly. I mean, it’ll grow so fast. When my birthday comes, I’ll be sitting on it without having to put my head back. It’s still very very very curly. Spirally curly. When I pull the curls straight, it is 4” longer. Pulled straight, it was to the crack of my ass before she trimmed it. Now when you pull it straight it’s at my waist. Let go of it and let it curl up and it’s just above the waist. Mark and Andy said they didn’t notice it at all. Maybe that was cuz I had it all brushed out.

Later…

Now to finish the sick, cruel, mean and unfair Rosemarie story. Typical, though, cuz this is what I always get from the ones I feel a “spark” with. It comes as no real surprise to me. I asked for it by wasting my time with her and set myself up for what happened but it was fun till I got burned.

After I gave Rosemarie a piece of my mind for dumping on me, Stephanie jumped in the pool when I jumped in with her. She asked me what was up and I said, “That goddamn mother-fucking son of a bitch!” She asked me who I was referring to and I gestured towards Rosemarie and said, “That one!”

Then I told Stephanie and Harriett what happened. Right away Stephanie understood, but Harriett was sort of holding it against me, saying something about me having a lot of anger. Yes, I did, and I had reason to, as I pointed out. Then she asked me if I always take my anger and misery out on everyone, though I don’t know who she thought I was supposed to be taking it out on. I thought, gee, here we go with another winner out to judge a person and a situation they don’t even know. Just as I was saying, “Hey, you don’t even know me or what happened” (I was actually talking to Steph), Stephanie defended me and told Harriett that she’d be pissed and go off, too. Afterward, I did chat with Harriett and it was nice. I’d never want to be buddies with her, though.

Rosemarie heard everything we said and eventually got up to leave, never once saying a word or even looking at me. Stephanie, Harriett and I were yelling out all kinds of weird shit along the way.

I still think she was influenced by Rick (probably cuz he knew I wouldn’t include him in the sex I wanted to have with her). If she were single and living alone, then just maybe she’d have a mind of her own. For now, I’ll never know what she’s really thinking and feeling. I doubt I ever will, either.

Later…

Since I still can’t sleep, I’ll finish with Rosemarie. I’m pissed that my schedule’s all fucked up again. For the last two days, I tried setting my alarm to get up earlier, but it never worked. The hard part is pulling myself out of bed. If I could just pull myself up out of bed, have a bite to eat and some coffee, I’ll be OK. Tired, but at least I’ll be up. Then I can go lie out and relax by the pool all day. Or as long as I can stand it. It’s hot. I mean, really fucking hot! I’m losing all my color too, and that pisses me off. Tanning will be easier and more tolerable in a month or two from now when it gets cooler. I do have my Walkman and nothing to do tomorrow.

Andy and I went out for Chinese food earlier and I withdrew a little money. I need my food stamps!

He and another gay guy he works with were gonna go out to a bar, but I guess they never did. He mentioned doing karaoke tomorrow night but he’s got to have dinner with his friend Anita who’s moving to Florida. I hear she hates it here, mainly cuz of the people. Andy and several others have said the same thing. That compared to several other states, Arizona has the worst people. People come off as friendly at first, then they stab you in the back. Donna and Rosemarie are perfect examples, but I say people are screwed up everywhere. There are sick, cruel, vindictive, insensitive, narrow-minded, stupid and judgmental people all over the world. Again, leave it to those who are pretty and emotionally and financially stable to screw you up and over. On the other hand, I really believe that people like Donna and Rosemarie are what you call “great pretenders.” They’re the ones who do the best job of seeming as if they’ve got their shit 100% together. Rosemarie has no backbone of her own. She’s got to kiss society’s ass as well as her boyfriend’s. If she really is curious and or not completely happy with Rick, why doesn’t she leave? Or say how she feels? Is it that difficult? I’m 98% sure she can support her own self and she seems like she could survive on her own. She does not seem like the so-called desperate type.

Why can’t people associate with those who are different? Can’t she tell herself, “OK I’m not into what she’s into, but she’s who she is and I’m who I am, just be friends,” and that’s it?

Life would be too boring if we all were the same and did the same thing, said the same thing, thought the same thing, wore the same clothes, did the same job. What’s wrong with variety?

Rosemarie and Rick had claimed they were so open, accepting and fascinated with all types of people. Ha, Ha. Donna said the same thing.

Fay spoke to Rosemarie in the laundry room and I guess the fear of AIDS came up. Fay simply reminded Rosemarie that straights can get AIDS, too. And straight women are more at risk than gay women. Fay said Rosemarie said she felt bad and didn’t mean to hurt me. Also that Rick was in fear of losing her and she’s in fear of Rick as he supposedly beat up some other girl. She really did want to come and see me, she claims, but Rick was watching her like a hawk. Lastly, she’d communicate with me through Fay, and for now, I shouldn’t say hi to her at the pool cuz of Rick.

So the next night at 10:00, Fay and Rosemarie were to meet in the laundry room. Fay waited half an hour and she never showed up. At 10:45 I went to the pool and made it look like I was looking for someone. I saw Rosemarie and Rick outside their door. It seemed as if they were arguing, but I couldn’t make out any words. I ran and told Fay, who said they do have their fights.

The next day Fay told me that shortly after that, they both showed up at her door. Rosemarie had changed her story and went along with Rick. Fay said Rosemarie was kissing Rick’s ass but agrees that she may handle things differently without Rick in the picture. I told Fay I already figured as much. Fay also said that if I were straight, Rick would have no fear of me hanging around with her. Also, if I were bi, I may have been able to go in on a threesome with them. God only knows there are plenty of folks into that scene.

One day while I was tanning I saw Rick as he was walking by. Shockingly, he did say hi. Then the Saturday before last, Rosemarie was leaving the pool area as I was walking in. She shocked the shit out of me and said, “That’s a pretty bathing suit.” My head told me to tell her to fuck off, go to hell and die. My heart was jumping for joy and I said thanked her while I tried to hide the grin on my face.

It’s so hard when it comes to the ultimate attraction like this, but not as hard as it used to be. Once similar situations happen over and over, they get easier to deal with. I’ve been dumped numerous times and they were all usually by the beautiful ones. You do get used to it and immune to crying really badly. You learn to pretty much expect it. Back when I knew Mary, Norah and Nissan, them dumping on me was very hard on me. I was young and still inexperienced as far as being dumped was concerned. Now it’s far from anything new.

I must get a bite to eat.

Later…

God, I wish I was just waking up. When I do fall asleep, not sleeping too late should be easy. Monday’s the day they mow all the lawns at 6 AM.

I wonder if I should slip Rosemarie a note? I’d probably be wasting my time, but once again, the chase is fun. It can be a fun game if you make it that way. Wondering is fun even though I’d die to get her in bed just once. Ellie says that once you get that ultimate attraction, you won’t want it anymore. Sort of like the end of the race at that point. I hope she’s right and if so, I especially hope I get it soon. Yes, I know I am only dreaming when I say that. Maybe in my next life. I have a note written up anyway. In it, I ask if we can meet up in the laundry room at 10:00 tonight. I don’t know exactly when and if I’ll really ever give it to her. We’ll see.

God, just send her to me! Have her tell me she’s curious to try it once but to never tell anyone. I can keep a secret. Other than with Andy, of course.

My fortune cookie last night said a letter of great importance will come in the mail. It better be good and about my food stamps! I hope I get some letters and packages. I also hope Kim lives up to her promises of a letter, a journal, and blank tapes. I still have tons of editing to do.

I’m also gonna get 3 people in trouble. Donna, cuz I can’t stand her, and 2 others who have cats. They live on the 1st and 2nd floors where they’re not allowed. Donna’s got blinds hanging up on her patio to block the sun. Those are not allowed. Why should everyone else be allowed to break the rules while I was forced to give up my cat?

Well, I guess I’ll try to get some sleep now.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 15, 1992 I don’t think I’ll write too much tonight as I am kind of tired. That’s good, though.

I got another job from another girl here named Stacey. This job seems like it oughta be better than babysitting for Justin. By the way, she’s from Taxachusetts, too. Haverhill, which is about a half-hour from Boston. She says she’s very flexible and I will be working at night for her. She may need me to clean and babysit her 13-month-old son on Saturday nights when she goes out. She works for MCI and has very little free time so she goes out on Saturday nights usually from 7 PM - 1 AM.

Soon I can get a phone and do some very serious shopping. Andy and I did go to the mall earlier and I bought 3 new journals. I also got cigarettes and some ice cream.

I hope I fall asleep by 3:00 and can get up at 11:00 or noon. I need my tan back!

FRIDAY, AUGUST 14, 1992 Two days ago was my parent’s anniversary and I asked Dad, when I spoke to them on the phone, how many years it’s been. Dad said 41 years and I said, “Wow, 41 years with the same person!”

Dad said, “Yeah, I gotta get used to it.”

Ma said, “And almost 27 years with the same daughter.”

Well, at least I got one thing in my favor over Tammy. She’s been Tammy’s mom for 8 years longer than mine.

Who can I send the hair I got to? There’s enough to send to a few people. I’ll mail Nervous Dad’s letter and perhaps mail Bob’s letter to either Rosemarie or Donna. It was the same letter I stuck on Mark’s door.

When you’re just hanging around talking to Mark, he’s a good guy. If he’s drinking or with his friends, they’re all weird together.

I took an old address book over and asked him if he knew anything about it. I said I found it by my door. I did it cuz he never asked me about the letter. I knew this would bring up the subject and it did. He said it had his name in it, along with Michelle’s (some chick he screws), and he read it and had no idea what the hell it was. I asked him if I could have it to play a joke on Andy. Sure, he said.

I don’t know Rosemarie’s or Rick’s last name, but I sure wish I knew that along with their phone number and Ellie’s. I’ll get Ellie’s eventually.

One of Mark’s friends says he’s moving back to Texas and he may give me a small table for my porch. It’ll be nice to do my writing out there once the weather cools off and becomes more bearable. I don’t know. You know I never buy anything unless I see it. I may eventually buy a medium-sized color TV for $25 from Mark. We’ll see.

I still have so much writing to do even though I’ve got tons of other stuff to do. I want to get letters out to Tammy, Becky and Lisa so they’ll all have them when they get home. I guess they’ll be home on the 20th, according to Tammy.

Because I slept till 3:30 PM, I’ll be up till around 9 AM and I’ll only get a few hours of sleep. I want to get up and call the bank to inquire about my balance and also I must get on with my tan. I promised to be very dark by now and I’m not. It’s hard to keep patient about it and tolerate the heat. It’ll be about 107º tomorrow. I think in a month or two from now, it’ll be much easier to tolerate tanning.

Even though I will be exhausted, at least I can make money under the table, at home. The hard part tomorrow will be pulling myself up out of bed. If I can just do that at noon, take my meds, and have coffee, I can lie down, close my eyes and relax at the pool. I’ll take my Walkman which has fresh batteries. Andy took it to use on the plane and he put new batteries in it. I still have to get batteries for my wall clocks here. Once you put them in, they last forever. My flashlight will need some, too.

So, the only stressful part of tomorrow is chasing the kid all over here trying to keep him out of my stuff, but at least I’ll be paid tomorrow. The first day he was OK and he took a nap for an hour and a half. When he woke up he cried for an hour or so. The last time the little beast cried for 3 hours. I couldn’t shut it up and I have no idea in hell how people do it on a regular basis whether they’re single or not. It’s not worth it and it makes me wonder how and why I wanted one for a while. First, there’s the physical part of it. The morning sickness, the labor, delivery, being forever fatter, and the baby blues. Then there’s the screaming and crying while you never can sleep and are tied down unable to go anywhere while they trash your place and cost thousands and thousands of dollars.

Well, it is at home, under the table. I need the money and it’s not my kid. I told Stacey that I’ll only take him from 4 PM-8:30 PM, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I’ll do a very occasional Saturday. It’ll be around $130 a month and they’ll be paying me weekly. She said it’s $30 a week no matter what unless I do more than that. This week I’ll get a bit more.

When Andy came back he said, “Remember your $150 debt with me? Well, that’s over now.” Now he’s paying me around $40 monthly to clean.

My food stamps will be about $111 whenever the hell they get here. The lady there is sending me a form to sign and I must send her a rent receipt and a copy of the electric bill. That was only $55 this month. I have a doctor’s appointment next Wednesday at 4:45 PM, and I’ll bring that phone form to him.

I’m no longer cleaning for Ellie as she’s a sorry, bitchy paranoid nut with a million problems. She goes on and on for hours complaining about this and that. She says she’s gonna die and that there are 5 organizations after her. She’s another one who goes back on her word and says I never said things I really did say. First, she swore she could afford to pay me $100 a month to clean for her and now she’s sorry she said that. Her son needs her money yet her son hates her and never comes to see her. She bitches and complains about how I clean and she’s always argumentative. One minute she’ll apologize for being a bitch, then she’s bitchy all over again.

Dave, the security guard and I were laughing about some of her delusions. The things she hears and sees. GI Joe, the physician, management putting petroleum through her vents to kill her like a cockroach along with those 5 organizations. She really is funny and you can have a field day playing with her head at the pool. You just wouldn’t want her at your apartment and you wouldn’t want to clean hers. Every so often I’ll go over to her place to play with her head.

I need to take my meds, eat and have some coffee. Maybe listen to music, too.

Later…

I’ve got to ask Andy to take me to the Metro Mall so I can buy more journals. I spoke to Kim who swears she’s sending me a blank journal she has, a letter and some blanks to make her funny tapes with. Edits, the complex argument, and other conversations with Bob and I.

She also says that next year she wants to travel across the country and she’ll see me when she does.

I guess Mark’s moving out but she’s not sure if she’s staying there on Elm St. She said she’ll let me know if she moves and I told her that I’ll mail her my number when I get a phone.

I still have other odds and ends I must buy. Like a pail for the kitchen, and I once saw a $14 electric typewriter at the thrift store that I’d like. As soon as I get money saved, I’m going shopping! If I got an electric typewriter, then Mom and Dad could keep my portable one and not bother to ship it. It isn’t the greatest typewriter. You have to really slam the keys down and my fingers always fall through the keys. Between them, I mean, and I cut my fingers. Electric ones have a closed keyboard.

I still haven’t contacted Jessie, Paula or Jai. I sent Jai a wacky letter and maybe I’ll write him a serious one, one of these days. Maybe try to get ahold of Jessie by calling her collect from Andy’s phone. She’ll accept the charges. I wonder if Steve moved and if he’s made any attempts to contact me. I’m sure Ann Marie has tried calling. Ha, ha to her! Bet she never thought I’d up and disappear and blow her off!

I am definitely no longer open to any new friendships whatsoever. I’ll keep Fay for now but I must stop being so friendly. If someone starts chatting with me at the pool, I’m just gonna be like yeah, yeah, yeah, till they get the message and screw off. People are so fucked in the head and I really do hate them. The same old pattern goes on where I’m either the dumper or the dumpee.

If I didn’t dump Ellie, she’d have stuck to me like glue forever. All I get are the metal cases while the so-called “better” people dump me. Same old shit. I keep to myself more and more cuz I’m tired of running around dumping people and getting dumped. Also, being dumped on by those that I dump or am dumped by. Rosemarie helped to continue to reinforce it in my head along with Donna and so many other queen snobs and mental cases.

Now for the Rosemarie story which is typical of what I get. Especially from a girl who’s gorgeous and has a good job. She works for some lawyer. She’s the ultimate attraction and she’s doing OK financially and emotionally as far as I can see on the surface. She’s the opposite of the Nervous, Fran and Ellie’s I get with no problem. She’s been steady with Rick but they do have their fights like every couple. I am not in the least bit shocked over what happened. I left off by saying how great my visits were at their place. They made me feel very accepted and welcomed. They said not to think they felt anything less about me cuz I’m gay. Their place was always open to me. They seemed so open and we laughed, joked and had nice talks. Rosemarie said don’t worry about other people being so snobby due to my getting SS. Oh, and she knows what I’m going through.

Does she? When has she ever gotten SS? She has a good job.

After two weeks went by where they seemed to be avoiding me, I caught Rosemarie alone at the pool. I walked up to her and said, “OK, what did I do?”

She said, “You didn’t do anything, but I’m not going to lie to you. We’re kind of religious and I thought about it and I decided I don’t want to have your type around.”

Can you believe how quickly people change? From white to black, instantly. And doesn’t religion teach people to accept everybody as they are? I’ve heard that they do, but then others say it bashes gays. Either way, what’s religion got to do with what we’re attracted to? It shouldn’t matter.

I pointed out that she said the direct opposite; that my gayness wasn’t a problem, and she said that she thought about it after I left.

I wondered if Rick may’ve influenced her. I always got the feeling that he was the type to boss her around.

I asked if we could talk about it and she said she’d rather not. At that point, I said what I had to say anyway. I said, “As far as I’m concerned, any prejudiced person is insecure with themselves. Why do you want people to be just like you? Can’t you be around different types of people? Why throw away good people over who they sleep with? And what’s religion have to do with who you’re sexually attracted to?”

I called her a lying, contradicting, backstabbing bitch and she was silent the whole time I spoke and never said another word. Then, Stephanie and her new roommate Harriett came into the pool as the other pool was closed. I’ll pick up the story from there another time. My hand is killing me.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 13, 1992 Now, I’m going to write about several things before I get very backed up again. I have several things to write about so I may jump from subject to subject as I remember things. Sometimes I find it’s better to write something right away before I forget.

The major topics are Ellie, Rosemarie, Fay and babysitting.

Then there are little things like Ray, the parole officer. He’s going on vacation now for two weeks and he’ll drop by when he returns.

Yesterday I had my unexpected phone interview with a lady at food stamps. Just when I was about to give up after being jerked around for 3 months the notice came in the mail. Know why it took so long? It had been returned to them for postage. That’s welfare for you!

I still have lots of editing and editing down to do. Also, letter writing, and coloring the poster Fay gave me.

I got a couple of packages from Mom and Dad. The other two chairs to my table which are out on my patio, more tanning oil, lotion, napkins, toilet paper, paper towels, baggies, garbage bags, a nice shirt with a floral pattern that fit perfectly, and some coupons. There were 3 small notepads with Barbie on the cover.

Also, a bag with a glob of hair in which Dad taped a note saying, Jodi, I got a haircut, Dad.

I know it’s not his hair cuz this hair was brown. If it was his hair, he’d be bald due to the amount that was there. It’s cute anyway and when I get my hair trimmed, now that I can afford to have Velma trim it, I’ll send some their way.

I got a $10 bill along with Dad’s letter today.

The evening of the 11th I called Florida collect from Andy’s phone while he was out at bingo. I spoke to Mom, Dad and Tammy. The girls and Bill, who I don’t miss, were staying in someone else’s place. I could’ve spoken to the girls, but I’ll write to them.

Tammy said she and Lisa sent out a letter before they left, but I never got it.

Tammy originally told me she left on the 1st. Before, she thought she’d be around during Andy’s week at the beach and she was gonna join him there. Dad said in his letter she was to arrive on the 10th so obviously, she was afraid to tell me. Maybe she decided she didn’t want to visit Andy and thinks I’ll be upset knowing she was there when he was. As you know I wrote in a previous entry how glad I was they wouldn’t get together so they wouldn’t talk too much when I wouldn’t be around to defend myself. If she had really left on the 1st and mailed me a letter before going to Florida, I’d have gotten it by now. If she left on the 10th and mailed it the day before, I should get it tomorrow or the next day.

If everything I just wrote is true and is really what happened, and I do believe I’m right on the money, Tammy will be shocked. I’ll catch her off guard and she’ll be like, gee, how’d she figure all this out? Maybe she is too smart to fool.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 11, 1992 Tonight Reasonable Doubts will be on. Thank God the Olympics are over. Of course, it’s a repeat but Marlee Matlin’s worth it. Someone will surely knock on my door but I won’t answer it. Ellie, Fay or Mark next door will knock. Mark and his friends get drunk and stoned and have nothing to discuss but sex. I’m getting really sick of it, too.

Guess what I found on my door while I was out last week? A card from Ray M, a parole officer. I called the number and asked why I was on parole when I’ve never been to prison. I’m on probation, not parole, but I guess that cuz I came from another state, this is how they do it. Maybe I’ll call his office tomorrow. Or maybe he’ll come here.

Andy had a great week back home. He enjoyed the beach and his cottage after so many years. He saw the M's and Charlotte. Supposedly the M's are friends with his family, and Andy’s aunt Joyce got permission to park in the M's driveway. Then someone supposedly overheard Charlotte saying, “Let’s get this car towed.”

Why? After so many years, I wouldn’t even bother starting shit like that. Why can’t people let dead dogs lie? I never realized Charlotte was that vindictive and was such a grudge-holder. I’ve also been told my folks and Charlotte and Jim had some kind of falling out a few years back and are no longer buddies. What else is new? No friendships seem to last any more than relationships. Is this why they live 90 miles away from each other? Aunt Ruth and Uncle Marty live an hour away, too.

Andy told Char how I love it here and have met lots of people. He said she said that’s good as she heard I had a hard time in CT.

Yeah, I’m sure you did, Char! I’m sure you heard all about it and so much more, thanks to Dureen’s big mouth.

Well, I always knew I was the most talked-about member of my family. That is, regardless of how much is true, blown out of proportion, or total bullshit.

Andy’s friend Brian thought of a great name for Connecticut. We’re so shocked we never thought of it - Connecticunt. When I first met Nervous he told me two great names. Ofelia Cunt and Ivan Cutchacokoff.

During Andy’s trip back east, Nervous and I had a great talk. The best chats we’ve ever had and I fully believe he’ll come visit me someday when he’s got the money and time off from work. He’d come out to visit me long before he’d write a letter. I’ve gotten no letters from anyone. Not my nieces, Tammy, Kim, Bob, Fran or my folks.

I spoke to Fran and Bob, but I wonder if Tammy’s heard anything about Barbara and Debbie’s collect calls? Oh well. Neither of them has yet to get letters from me. I’d like to wait a while till they think I’m long gone out of their lives. Their letters, of course, will have no threats or anything sexual. They just won’t make much sense and will be very confusing.

I have the talks with Nervous and tons of stuff on tape which I gotta edit and edit down. Even Fay spoke to Nervous. First I must edit before I edit down. If you take a 20-minute conversation and the first 10 minutes are boring and erase it, you could be throwing away a few good edits, at least. This is why I edit, then edit down, omitting any boring parts.

MONDAY, AUGUST 10, 1992 A lot has happened in the last 10 days. Both good and not-so-good. I still feel so much happier than I ever have in eons, so that’s worth a lot to me.

Believe it or not, I am now babysitting an 11-month-old boy named Justin. So far he is very well-behaved. Totally the opposite of my niece Sarah who was always crying and fussy. Justin is quite calm and has not cried or broken anything. Right now he is drinking his bottle and I’ve got CDs playing.

Andy came over earlier and he’s gone to the store now to get a few things for both of us.

The food stamps are history and even though I know I’m eligible and by law, they can’t deny me, they have by jerking me around and playing with my head. I filled out a second application and they were supposed to call me with an appointment and they never did. Then, they went ahead and told me they’d send a phone appointment in the mail to do an interview over the phone. That was bullshit, too. If they were gonna give me food stamps they’d have given me them by now. Anything they say, I don’t buy, as they’ve lied to me only about 10 times. They say one thing and then another. They bullshit me by saying they misplaced my application and all kinds of things like that.

I had put ads up in the laundry rooms letting people know I was available for housekeeping and babysitting. Justin lives with his mother, Stacey, who doesn’t live here. Her sister Kara does, though, with her own 8-month-old daughter, Ashley, and their mother. I guess Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 2:00-8:00, I’ll be babysitting and possibly Saturdays, too. I could be making $130 a month and $160 if I babysit on a Saturday.

I’m hungry, so I wish Andy would hurry up and get here.

Last night I left an old letter from Bob on Mark’s door. I wonder if I’ll hear about that. Of course, I’ll be playing dumb and trying not to laugh if I do.

I have several other things to write about later about Rosemarie, Fay and Ellie.

Later…

Justin slept from 5:00-6:30. When he awoke he was crying and still is. So much for this being a peaceful kid. Stacey should be here in half an hour and boy, I can’t wait to hit the pool!

I’ve got to do Ellie’s laundry tonight and mine, too.

[blonde-reverie]

Why does basically every roommate listing I look at say “must be clean, QUIET, mature, no smoking, no drugs, no parties, no pets, basically no hobbies or personality traits that I don’t approve of, also if I hear or see you in the kitchen last 8pm I’m going to get the leasing company involved” like what do you mean by quiet????? Like actually quiet as in I don’t talk loud or slam doors or do you mean some other definition of quiet that I don’t understand???

These people are ISO a ‘roommate’ but they might as well just say “yeah I need help paying the rent/mortgage but I HATE other people so I need you to be as undetectable as possible and avoid bothering me at any costs”

If you’re gonna be that uptight then pay the rent yourself you miserable asshole

[itsallyscorner]

“Move the plans”

Pairing: Florence Pugh x actress!reader (platonic)

Summary: Florence tells you to cancel your plans when she ends up in New York.

Warnings: Nothing really bad. Mentions lactose intolerance? Idk if that’s sensitive to people. Probably some spelling errors.

A/n: Hello darlings! I’m back from my unannounced break. I decided to write a platonic Florence fic because she’s a sweetheart and I loved her as Yelena! Also for those who follow me, don’t worry, I will be working on a sequel to my Tom Holland “Sour” fic!! But for now, please enjoy this fic!😚💕

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

(Loml)

✧───── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *. ☽.* :★. ─────✧

You stood backstage in front of a mirror, looking at your appearance and making sure there were no wrinkles on the dress you wore. Your hairstylist was behind you, fluffing your hair and managing the stray baby hairs on your head. You were currently at NBC Studios in New York City, about to do an interview with the infamous, Jimmy Fallon. Tingles buzzed through your skin as you heard the cheers and music from the stage. Jimmy’s voice can be heard faintly backstage, only adding to your growing excitement.

The sound of heels clicking approached you, it took less than a second for you to feel the warm presence of Florence behind you. The both of you were starring in the upcoming Black Widow movie alongside Scarlett Johansson; after months of working together and spending days hanging out, you and Florence had become very close friends. She was, without a doubt, your favorite person in the world. Since the moment you met her, she had always been the most sweetest and caring person you’ve ever met—and you were proud to say you had her in your corner.

You met Flo’s eyes in the mirror and bright smiles were instantly on your faces. Turning around, you open your arms wide, and wrap them around her. Bear hugs were a must in your friendship with Flo, you both just loved receiving hugs from each other.

“Ahhh! I told you that dress would be perfect for tonight, you look stunning!” She squealed, tightening her arms around you. A day before Jimmy Fallon, you and Flo had been at your place with your stylist, picking out which dress you should wear for the interview. The dress was casual, but the color was so ever vibrant that it made the dress pop.

You pulled out the hug and looked at what she was wearing. Her gorgeous blonde hair was curled into loose locks and her dress was just as vibrant as yours. The pink of her dress and the orange (yellowish?) of yours complimented each other. Which coincidentally enough, was a parallel of your lovely friendship with Florence.

“Me? Flo, you look gorgeous! I’m so obsessed with this look!” You help her twirl, hyping her up as she showed off her outfit. After sneaking in a little mirror selfie and posting it onto Instagram, the two of you were given a five minute warning from one of the crew members. You and Flo were moved to stand behind the curtain, waiting for your cues to walk onto the stage.

While the two of you were getting mic’d up, Florence leaned closer to you.

“Can I be completely honest with you?” She mumbled, her stare remaining on the curtain before her. Your brow raises in curiosity as your head slightly turns to look at her.

“Of course, hun. What’s up?” You ask, your attention on her. She sighs and leans even closer so only you can hear her.

“I feel like I’m about to shit my pants.” She admits, swallowing nervously. Your mouth gapes, “Did you have iced coffee too?”

Flo’s face scrunches up in confusion, “N-no! That was me telling you I was nervous! Did you have iced coffee?” She fully turns to look at you and judging by the look of guilt plastered across your face, you did in fact have iced coffee.

“Maybe?” You answer, though it came out more like a question. Florence rolls her eyes at you.

“(Y/n), how many times do you have to be reminded that you’re lactose intolerant?” She scolded you.

You scoff, holding a hand up at her, “Trust me, I’m reminded every time I sit on a toilet.” You shake your head, trying to refocus the conversation.

“This isn’t about my poor digestive system—why are you nervous?”

She sighs, “I don’t know why I’m so nervous, I’m used to doing interviews and stuff. But I haven’t been on Jimmy Fallon, and there’s an audience out there and I don’t want to mess up or accidentally spoil the movie.”

You place a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “You may be British, but you’re not Tom Holland. You won’t spoil anything.” You start. She quickly shoots you a look that screams, “you’re not helping”. You make a gesture physically telling her that you’re getting to the point.

“You’re going to be fine! I mean you did Jimmy Kimmel right? This shouldn’t be that different, it’s the same thing—just different studios, in different states, and different Jimmy’s.” You point out. She nods along as you continue, “Plus, I’m gonna be up there with you. You won’t be alone.”

With the help of your reassurance and witty little comments, Florence felt her anxiousness simmer down. They weren’t completely gone but the fact that you were gonna be up there together made her relax more. Being part of Marvel had its pros and cons. Sure, the movies are spectacular and the actors are outstanding. Though when it comes to doing promo for said movies, it can be quite stressful. It’s a known fact that Marvel and it’s executives can be quite strict when it comes to interviews with anyone involved in the making of their films—their strictness made sense, although for first time MCU members, it took some getting used to.

Florence smiles at you, “Thank you.”

You playfully nudge her shoulder with yours, “Don’t worry about it.” You say with a kind smile.

The wholesome moment was interrupted by one of the stagehands telling you and Florence that the two of you were on in 15 seconds.

“Our guests tonight are making their big MCU debut in the new Black Widow film, please welcome (Y/n) (L/n) and Florence Pugh!”

⚘

“So in the movie, there’s three of you guys—where’s the other one?” Jimmy asked, motioning his hand to the small space between you and Flo.

“She’s at home I believe.” Florence answered, glancing at you. “She’s busy doing stuff, you know—adult things.” She added.

You took the opportunity to make a joke and said, “Yet here we are promoting her movie.” You roll your eyes playfully. The crowd bursts out laughing, along with Jimmy, who smacked his desk.

“You know, we deserve a raise for this.” Flo considers, going along with your joke. She slightly snorts and nudges your arm with her elbow. “We could take Scarlett’s check and just split it in half for ourselves.”

“Problem solved.” You shrugged, high fiving her.

Another round of laughs fill the room as Jimmy says, “So you’re both taking Scarlett’s money?”

Jokingly, you nod in approval, “By the end of this interview? Definitely.”

Dropping the bit, you shake your head with a grin on your face. “I’m kidding! I’m only joking, I wouldn’t do that to her, even if I were forced to.”

Jimmy moves on as a picture of you, Florence, and Scarlett pops up on the screen. The picture had been posted on your Instagram and was taken while the three of you were filming in between takes. You were taking the selfie while Scarlett and Florence were poking their heads out from behind you making funny faces.

“I can’t imagine how exciting it is to be on a Marvel set, and to even work with one of the first ever heroes in the MCU—that must be insane!” Jimmy exclaims, motioning to another picture of the three of you.

“It’s unbelievable. To work alongside Scarlett and to follow this kind of path that she’s paved in the MCU is an honor. She really was like our older sister behind the scenes, because she was always guiding us and taking care of everyone. She’s the best.” Florence responded while you nodded in agreement.

“I watched the movie last night and one of the things I enjoyed the most was the dynamic the three of you had. You guys were like actual siblings.” Jimmy mentioned, motioning between you and Flo.

Florence giggled before squeezing you into a tight hug, “Yeah, she’s my big sister.” You smiled beamingly, patting her cheek before she let go.

“No, really! She’s like my actual younger sister.” You tell the audience, who “awed” at the hug you both shared. “We spent months on this movie and we spent every single day with each other. By the middle of production, we were basically roommates.”

“Roommates?” Jimmy questioned, leaning his elbows on his desk.

“Because I was always at her house.” Florence answered in a ‘duh’ tone. “I’ve actually grown an attachment to (Y/n), she’s like my comfort blanket. So I need to have her with me at all times. If she’s not with me, I just won’t leave the house.”

“Speaking of your attachment to (Y/n), there’s this video of you that you apparently sent her?” Jimmy gestured at you, “And you posted it on your Instagram and now the whole internet is obsessed with it.”

“Yup, that’s the one.” You confirmed.

“I know there’s probably some people who haven’t seen it, so here’s the video.” The video of Florence popped up on the screen and began to play.

(This fic was based on this TikTok😭)

Jimmy looked at you and Florence in amusement, “Can we get some context?”

Florence waved her hand at the screen and said, “As you can all see, I’m very persistent.”

“This wasn’t your first time sending her these kinds of videos?” Jimmy asked. You shook your head, a feign look of annoyance on your face.

“No, she does this all the time.”

“In my defense, I was unexpectedly flying out to New York for a project. I knew I was gonna be in the city for a few days, so I decided to call (Y/n) and make the most of my trip.” Flo defended herself, slightly pouting.

You leaned your head on her shoulder, “To be fair, it was also our first time seeing each other since we wrapped Black Widow, and we really missed each other.”

“(Y/n), did you have to move any plans?” Jimmy turns to you. Florence does the same.

“You know what, you never told me if you had plans or not.” She squints her eyes at you. Your arms crossed while your body slowly sunk into the couch.

You pretend to fix your lipstick, quickly muttering, “I might’ve moved some plans around.”

Florence’s mouth gapes in shock, her entire body freezing. She grips onto your shoulder, “Wait, you actually moved plans for me?”

“I might’ve rescheduled a lunch with someone, but that doesn’t really matter.” You replied, trying to move on from the topic. Jimmy pointed at you, a giant grin on his face, “You actually moved plans for Florence!”

Florence’s mouth was still wide in shock, “I can’t believe you actually moved plans for me—(Y/n)!” She whined.

“I missed seeing you, so of course I had to move them.” You bashfully explained, the corners of your lips turning upwards. Florence pulled you into a hug.

“Gosh, you really do love me!” She exclaimed.

“I really do!” You said, your arms wrapping around her as well.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

🏷 Tags:

*if there’s a line through your url, Tumblr won’t let me tag you :(*

Marvel cast/Avengers x reader tags ↴

↪︎ @ximaginx @lozzypoz321 @sunwardsss @pokemonbong @pjokotlcmarvel201 @whoslili @marvel-is-a-mood @blckyungblood @astroponyo @universemarvel @imthebadguyyy @roseke @this-is-gg @httpscarletwitch @msminutes @cristin-rjd @swords-are-cool @melaninfalconbucky @deamus-liv @elvish-sky @catsandbooksandstuff @ellajoy419 @moonlight-babe99 @teti-menchon0604 @bestillmystuckyheart @captainwans @mischiefmanaged144 @marvelfan2300 @hello-yoi

General tags (besties) ↴

↪︎ @bucksmotel @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @agustdowney @thegirlwiththediary @rqmanoff @sesamepancakes @stardustofreading @alyssathesoftie @ifyouknewhowmiserylovedme @kaitieskidmore1 @6r4cie @bi-lmg07 @pogueslandia

[usermischief]

♞Pairing: Steo ♞Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Theo Raeken, Matt Daehler ♞Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Possessive Behaviour, College-AU, Mutual Pining ♞Words: 4843 ♞Prompt: The aftermath of a bad fight + "If you think I don't feel anything for you, then you're more stupid than I thought." (for @amatchinwater) ♞ ao3

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boyfriend material

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“Everything all right?” Theo asks. His voice is soft, his brows furrowed in slight concern. If anything, Theo knows exactly how to play the perfect boyfriend. 

Stiles hates it because this fucking act made him fall for Theo. But after this charity event, it’s just one more week of this charade. Then everything will finally go back to normal. So, Stiles will grin and bear it. He shakes his phone. “Just my roommate asking if I’ll come home tonight.” 

“A roommate.” Tara clicks her tongue, exchanging a meaningful glance with Mrs. Raeken. “Delightful.” 

It is truly admirable Theo’s only plan of revenge is to date someone who his family will not approve of. Bringing Stiles here and showing him off makes a statement. Stiles would’ve probably paid someone to kill his whole family while he was away at college. But he’s not going to bite the hand that feeds him. 20 thousand bucks are going to get him a long way. He can finally repair his mom’s jeep and help his dad out with the bills for his stay in Eichen House. All he has to do is play Theo’s boyfriend for four weeks and not lunge across this table to strangle his fake boyfriend’s sister.

Well, at least that was the plan. Against better judgment, Stiles somehow managed to develop a crush on his fake boyfriend. But since his life is not one of Lydia’s cheesy romance novels, it’s better if Stiles pretends that’s not the case. This is made basically impossible by Theo squeezing his thigh. To make matters worse, his hand has moved a little higher than Stiles would’ve preferred, and his fingertips press against the seam on his inner thigh. The touch alone makes Stiles feel uncomfortably warm. 

Pushing his phone into the pocket of his jeans, Stiles leans over to Theo. “I’m gonna go grab a drink,” he says because his anger management has never been the best, and he needs distance. Kissing Theo’s cheek, he raises to his feet. There are merely a handful of people at the bar, so he can cool off a little. 

“Don’t stay too long,” Theo says.

Mrs. Raeken makes a sound of disdain. “I hope he knows how to behave in a public setting.” It’s over soon. It’s over soon. All he has to do is to push through a couple more hours without giving Theo’s family everything they deserve. They fucking suck. 

Theo makes a noncommittal sound, which is really not helping Stiles’ mood right now. Yes, Theo pays him for this bullshit, so, yes, this is a more than fake relationship. Stiles is a boyfriend for hire, but he is supposed to play Theo’s boyfriend. The least this fucking asshole could do is defend him in front of his family. 

Theo keeps watching him and despite knowing he’s just doing it for appearances, Stiles feels a thrill running up his spine. Sometimes it almost seems as if Theo wants to slam him against a wall and fuck him senseless. Today especially. Of course, it’s all an act because Theo is around his family, business partners, Beacon County’s rich and famous, and a few journalists, and yet. There’s an intensity in his eyes that makes Stiles’ head spin. 

Sighing, Stiles slides between two bar stools and leans against the counter. Both bartenders are tall and stupidly hot. If he weren’t here with Theo, he’d probably try to get his or her number. Maybe he should at least try to figure out their names, so he can look them up on Social Media for when his job inevitably ends. Jumping into an affair with a hot bartender sounds like the perfect remedy for a broken heart. 

Fucking hell, he’s so pathetic. 

Tall, blonde, and handsome turns towards him with a smirk. “What can I do for you?” 

Stiles cuts his gaze to the name tag. Brett. Okay. That’s a name he can remember. “You guys have Szarlotka?” 

Brett quirks a brow. “Not that I know of, but if you explain it to me, I’m sure I can help you out.” This is certainly one of the perks of attending a rich people event. They have whatever you are asking for, and if not, they are willing to get it. 

“It’s a Polish drink. One part Vodka and 2 parts apple juice with a dash of cinnamon.” 

“You got it.” 

“Thanks.” Stiles doesn’t drink much. To be fair, he isn’t even the biggest fan of alcohol in the first place, but tonight is one of those nights he needs to numb his feelings a little. And a Szarlotka sounds perfect. All he can hope for is that Theo isn’t going to make them stay too much longer. But considering how this evening has been going so far, Stiles is pretty sure they will not be leaving before this event is over. As much as Theo acted like all he wanted is to piss his family off, he’s still being extremely polite and does whatever his mother told him — including making sure Stiles won’t ‘behave in a way that could reflect badly’ on their family even though Theo made a point that this was his goal for tonight. Stiles doesn’t care either way. 

Brett reappears with his drink in his hand and a disarming smile on his face. “I hope it’s to your liking.” 

“I’m sure.” Stiles pulls out his wallet. “What do you get for this?”

Before Brett has the chance to reply, someone pops up right next to Stiles, bumping against him as if on purpose. Josh. “Theo would like you to put it on his tab.” 

Brett raises a brow. “Theo… right...” Something about Brett’s demeanor changes. He straightens, becomes more polite, and more distant. Stiles truly hopes it has everything to do with his family’s and not Theo’s reputation, but Josh popping up shows a very different picture. 

Huffing out a breath, Stiles puts some money on the counter. “Thank you for the drink.” 

Brett nods, glancing from Josh to somewhere in the distance before meeting Stiles’ eyes again. “You’re welcome.” 

Stiles pushes away from the bar, not acknowledging Josh any further, and heads out of the dining hall. The adjacent balcony is exactly what he needs. A few people are standing around bar tables, talking and smoking, sipping on their drinks. Stiles moves to one of the empty tables close to the balcony rail. The view over Beacon Hills is stunning, and Stiles wishes he had actually time to meet up with his father, but their flight back is tomorrow at 6 am and then Stiles has to go right back to studying for his exams. 

Someone joins him at the table, and Stiles closes his eyes. Please, don’t try to talk to me. Please, please, don’t. Although ignoring whoever sat down next to him would probably have been the better idea, Stiles can’t help but glance to his right. The second he does, all he sees is a camera uncomfortably close to his face. There’s a click, and the camera vanishes. “What the—?” 

“I’m sorry,” Camera Guy says in a soft tone, “it’s just… you’re not like the others.” 

Even though Stiles can relate to that, he’s not entirely sure how he could make this kind of judgment without having talked to him. To be honest, Stiles isn’t even entirely sure if he’s seen him before now. Then again, he hasn’t exactly been too invested in this whole event while being hidden at the Raekens’ table. “So you’re just shoving cameras in strangers’ faces?” 

The guy chuckles as if Stiles’ annoyance was somehow amusing to him. “I’m a journalist,” he says, which isn’t exactly an excuse. “My name’s Matt. Matt Daehler.” 

Stiles shakes his head and glances around his surroundings. There are certainly much more interesting people on this balcony than him. His gaze falls on a figure trying his best to hide in the shadows at the far corner of the balcony. Corey. Is Theo seriously sending his friends after Stiles so they’d keep an eye on him? What the fuck? Rolling his eyes, he sips on his drink — and gets the worst burst of homesickness he’s had in years. This tastes so much like Poland, like home. Shit. Maybe he should talk to Theo and take a later flight. He’s in Beacon Hills, might as well visit his dad for breakfast. He never had issues with an exam anyway. It won’t kill him if he doesn’t study as much.  

There's another click.

Stiles turns to Matt again, eyes narrowed. "What's your damage, Daehler?"

"Oh, Heathers! You know your classics." Matt stares down at his camera, eyes wide with something that looks almost like fascination. It leaves a sour taste in Stiles' mouth. "Your eyes are insane, you know that?" He looks up now, leaning closer as if Stiles were a painting to be studied instead of an actual human being.

Stiles takes a step back, not quite willing to give up his space on the balcony. He'd rather deal with this guy than Theo's family. "Can you back off?"

Again, Matt chuckles. "You're much mouthier than Theo's previous call boys." Call boys? "And prettier… and smarter. Clearly."

"You insult everyone you’ve just met?" Stiles really can't tell if this guy is socially inept or just a fucking idiot. 

"Oh. Oh, no." Matt looks genuinely apologetic. "I didn't mean… you're like a breath of fresh air in this stinkin' place. I'm…" he ducks his head, chuckling again. "I'm not good with the whole… flirting thing.” Flirting thing. This guy truly is something else. Why the fuck would he risk flirting with Theo’s boyfriend? That’s just stupid. “It's why I'm usually behind here." He raises his camera again.

Stiles covers the lens with his hand. “That’s the worst fucking pick-up line I’ve ever heard.” 

Matt chuckles —  a sound that is starting to grind Stiles' gears — and shrugs. “Don’t worry. That’s just Plan A.” 

Stiles raises his brows, slowly lowering his hand again. His gut tells him ‘no’, but Matt doesn’t look particularly threatening with his mop of curls, too large clothes — even Stiles managed to find a nice black pair of jeans and a white dress shirt, and he never wears shit like this — and lopsided smile. “So what’s Plan B?” He can’t believe the guy managed to rope him into a conversation after all. 

“To take you hostage.” 

Nevermind. “Get fucking lost.” 

Matt places a hand on Stiles’ arm, thumb brushing over his wrist in a way too intimate gesture. “It was just a joke.” 

Stiles yanks his arm away and steps to the side, backing into a body behind him. 

“And nobody’s laughing.” Theo’s voice is dry, and for the first time since hanging out with him, he sounds like the snob his family probably raised him to be. It’s not a good look on him. 

Despite that, Stiles’ body relaxes around him — and he hates it. 

Theo pushes his hand into the back pocket of Stiles’ jeans, acting like he’s done it a billion times before. But he didn’t. Their contract states that any sort of physical contact is to be reduced to whatever is necessary. Theo basically grabbing his ass? Not necessary. “Also, have your parents never taught you not to touch what isn’t yours?” Touch what isn’t yours. Theo may pay him, and Stiles very much would like this asshole to fuck him into a mattress — or a car seat, or a wall, whatever surface, really; he isn’t picky at all — he’s not going to let Theo claim ownership of him. 

Especially not if people already think he’s just Theo’s call boy.

Matt’s hand vanishes around his wrist. “This is a misunderstanding.” For what it’s worth, the poor guy looks actually terrified as he hugs his camera to his chest like it’s gonna somehow shield him from whatever he’s worried about.  

Theo hums, pulling Stiles closer to him, and nods at said camera. “I’d like to have the memory card.”

“Why?” Matt covers it with a hand. 

The chuckle sounds dangerous, and Stiles gets the weird feeling that he’s about to see a side of Theo he’s never seen before. After all, there’s gotta be a reason Theo doesn’t manage to find someone who’d pose as his lover without paying them a lot of money. “Because I’ve asked you nicely.” The smile falls from his lips, and his expression hardens. “I can also take your whole fucking camera from you.” 

“Theo,” Stiles whispers, pressing his free hand to his chest. 

But Theo isn’t having any of this. His blue eyes don’t leave Matt for even a second. “You think I wouldn’t notice you following my boyfriend around the whole evening?” His voice becomes dangerously low, “or that Corey wouldn’t tell me you’re being a fucking creep?” When Matt doesn’t immediately react, Theo snatches the camera straight out of his hands. 

“Hey!” Matt yells, but before he has the chance to surge forward, Josh has grabbed him by the back of his oversized shirt. 

Stiles glares at Theo, but he doesn’t even acknowledge him, too focused on the picture of Stiles that pops up on the little screen. It’s the last one he took. It’s too close to his face, intimately close almost. Theo shifts a little, obscuring the view of the camera. 

Without turning the camera off, Theo ejects the memory card. “I think that belongs to me.” 

“No, Theo, please.” Matt looks at Stiles, reaching out a hand. 

Josh yanks him back again. 

“I just told you,” Theo says in a very low voice, pulling his hand out of Stiles’ pocket to approach Matt, “not to touch what isn’t yours, didn’t I?” 

“Theo.” Stiles grabs his suit jacket, but Theo isn’t even bothered by it. 

“What did you tell my boyfriend, huh?” Theo asks, tapping his finger against the camera — a gesture Matt follows with wide eyes. “That you’re a journalist? Or did you immediately tell him that you’re a freak and a stalker?” Anger slips into his tone seamlessly. This site may be new to Stiles, but it’s nothing new to Josh and Corey that much is clear in the look they’re exchanging. “If you even think about coming near him again, this—” he raises the camera higher “— isn’t the only thing I’m breaking.” Without thinking twice about it, Theo lets go of the camera. 

Stiles flinches when the crack of the lens sounds like a gunshot in the silence. He didn’t even notice people stopped having conversations, but now he’s hyper-aware of everyone looking at them. Swallowing, Stiles steps away from Theo and crosses his arms in front of his chest. He has absolutely no fucking desire to stay here any longer. At all. Theo is overstepping boundaries, not just Stiles but also Matt’s.

“Now piss off before I do something else.”  

Josh is shoving Matt forward, who grabs his camera before stumbling back inside. It doesn’t take more than a nod from Theo for Josh and Corey to follow him.  

This is fucking ridiculous. Absolutely fucking pathetic even. If Theo acts like that all the time, it’s no surprise nobody wants to be his friend. Stiles has no clue what Josh and Corey get out of this, but they’re clearly doing whatever Theo asks them to. For all Stiles cares, Theo can shove the last payment up his ass. He’s going to finish his drink, then he is going to leave — and not return. Shaking his head, Stiles grabs his cocktail. “If that’s how you’re treating everyone around you it’s no surprise I’m here.” 

Theo turns to look at him, eyebrows raised in confusion. “What?” 

“You heard me.” And Stiles didn’t care at all that the other people on the balcony heard him as well. 

“I…” Theo sighs, pushing the memory card into the pocket of his suit jacket. “I know what this looks like, but Matt isn’t who he says he is.” 

“Nothing happened, Theo.” Stiles shakes his head. “Absolutely nothing happened other than you sending your fucking lackeys after me.” Lines are blurring. So much. Stiles shouldn’t be offended about whatever Theo is doing right now. He’s just one of Theo’s employees. Then again, maybe that’s the issue. Stiles licks his lips, stepping closer to Theo. “Are you afraid,” he whispers, careful that nobody hears the next part… yet, “I’m going to tell people why I’m really here? Is that why Josh and Corey are following me everywhere?” 

Theo shakes his head. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” 

“Okay,” Stiles echoes and scoffs. “You know what I think? You’re just as much of a fucking bully as the rest of your family, and you’re loving the rush of power all that fucking money gives you. And people know that about you.” While Stiles is angry with Theo, the biggest part of his anger is directed at himself. He should’ve known this site of Theo existed. He should’ve known he wasn’t just the hot guy trying to publicly show his family the middle finger. He’s talked to Lydia about it over and over again. How could someone who looks like Theo need to pay someone for a fake relationship?

How could he be so naive?

“And that’s why I’m here,” Stiles lowers his voice even further. “Because you’re just another rich kid with mommy issues who treats everyone like they’re beneath them.”

Theo’s expression hardens, and his gaze flicks up, taking in his surroundings before fixing his eyes back on Stiles. “Can we not do that here?”

“You’d rather do it somewhere your mother can tell you how I have to behave?” Stiles shakes his head and takes a step back. Part of him hopes Theo will blow up on him if only to prove him wrong — to show him that he doesn’t care about his image, that he really doesn’t care what his mother thinks, that he’s not like them. Stiles doesn’t want to be this wrong about Theo. He doesn’t want to admit that he’s fallen in love with a fucking act. 

Theo works his fingers through his neatly styled hair, messing up the strands in a way that makes him look even better. It’s pissing Stiles off so much. “Matt is—”

“This isn’t just about Matt.” Stiles puts his drink back on the table before he gets the urge to drench Theo with it. “It’s also about Josh sneaking up on me to inform Brett that I’m your property.” He needs to leave or at least cool down because he is overstepping about every single line there could potentially be between an employee and their boss. But he can’t help it. He’s hurt, and he shouldn’t be. No feelings. Those are the unwritten rules. 

And yet, here he fucking is.  

Theo purses his lips. "We're not going to talk about this here."

Fine. Without another word, Stiles heads back inside. Absolutely not. He’s not standing by and watching his fake boyfriend bully someone and treat him as property. Theo can shove the last five thousand up his ass. He’s already got 15k. With that, he can easily fix his jeep and help his father out. 

“Babe.” Theo catches up to him before he’s made it out of the door. “Stiles, wait.” 

Stiles pulls his hand away. “No.” 

But Theo’s not good with no. He grabs his hand, this time intertwining their fingers tightly. “Please,” he says in a voice so soft, “let’s not do this here.”

“Then let me leave.”

“No.” Theo squeezes his hand and pulls him close, “I’m not letting you go like this.” 

Like this? Angry? Disappointed? Before finishing the four weeks? Before getting through this fucking evening? Stiles sat through enough of the Raekens’ bullshit for one night just because he’s a poor college student at a prestigious university. Fuck them. And fuck the stupid journalists, who are probably going to have a field day with this one. If his face is going to end up in those fucking rags then so be it. At least he’s not standing by while his fake boyfriend parades him around and bullies other people. Just because Matt is clumsy at flirting doesn’t mean Theo had any right to break his camera. 

“Well,” Stiles says, yanking his hand away, “then we’re doing this here.”   

“Listen, just because Daehler acts awkward and looks like he’s getting his clothes out of a dumpster doesn’t mean he’s an innocent little angel.“ His features harden, but he doesn’t look angry. Not really. Not like Stiles is.

“Oh my god, you are such a spoiled fucking brat.” 

“I’m sorry?” 

Stiles folds his arms over his chest. “You really think I give a shit what people are wearing? How very shallow of you.” More people are turning towards them, and Stiles takes a step back. He should calm down. He should not lose his shit. Why can’t he just keep his cool? Theo is his boss. He is his fucking boss. So, he is aggressive. So, he acts like he owns him. Who cares? This shit is over in a week, and Stiles can move on, and everything is back to normal. 

“Theodore.” Mrs. Raeken strides over to them, followed by her dear husband and eldest daughter. “What is going on?” 

“Nothing, Mother.” But Theo doesn’t look at her when he says it. His shoulders drop as he watches his family rally around him — not to support, but to make sure there aren’t too many eyes on them. Mrs. Raeken looks furious, her husband highly disappointed, and Tara’s lips turned white with anger. She clearly hates that her little brother makes a fuss minutes before she has her first big speech. 

Mrs. Raeken narrows her eyes at Stiles. “Then get nothing under control.” She folds her arms, still trying to stare him down. Like that’s going to help her. Didn’t Theo tell his dear mother that Stiles grew up with a sheriff and spend half his childhood at the police station? He’s used to deputies staring him down. This rich woman basking in her husband's money isn’t going to scare him. 

Theo whips around, and for the first time since Matt, he appears to be positively pissed.

Stiles quirks a brow. “With all due respect—” which is none, something nobody here misses “— but I don’t remember asking for your opinion. So, how about you shut the fuck up while your son and I discuss this matter without your unwarranted input.” He’s been listening to her comments about the ‘common folk’, which certainly includes Stiles, for the better part of the evening. To be honest, he’s been waiting for an opportunity to rip into her and her goddamn family for a while now. 

“Young man,” Mr. Raeken says, which does come as a surprise after he hasn’t said a word for the whole evening, “if you don’t calm down, we are going to call the police.”

“Please do,” Stiles says, without looking away from Mrs. Raeken, and pushes his hands in the pockets of his jeans, “I haven’t seen my dad in a bit. He’s the sheriff here, you know, so, he’s always very busy.” 

Mrs. Raeken’s face falls, but it takes her only a few seconds to recover. “Get him under control, Theo. This is embarrassing.” 

“Don’t bother. I was on my way out anyway.” Stiles frees his left hand for a little wave, very much fighting the urge to flip them off, and takes a step back. If he doesn’t leave now he’s going to do something he might regret. But he is going to be the bigger person. He is going out of this with his head held high. “Oh, and Theo,” Stiles says, finally turning to look at him again. This is going to be the hardest part because this is where his fucking heart comes in. But Theo is just staring at him, expression completely neutral. Stiles swallows. He can do it. It’s like a bandaid. Just rip it off. “Lose my number, okay? I think it’s best if you fuck off with the rest of them.” 

Without any warning, Theo is in front of him. Stiles backs off, hitting the wall behind him. His heart jumps into his throat, and for a few seconds, Stiles isn’t even sure if he’s supposed to be scared or not. He’s feeling all sorts of things. He should probably say something. Anything. Maybe he should apologize. This was too far. Theo is his boss. He’s his— he is leaning over and presses their mouths together. 

Stiles is pretty sure he’s suffering some severe hallucination. This— that— what? He freezes, but Theo’s hand moves from his arm to the side of his neck, thumb brushing over his jaw. This never happened before. The kiss to the corner of their mouths? Yes. That… that was normal. Theo decided that would be a good way to be intimate without being too intimate. But kissing? There’s— there’s got to be something in the contract about that. Because— because…

Chuckling, Theo pulls away. Not far, just enough that he can speak against his lips. “I told you already that I’m not letting you go.” His right arm curls around Stiles’ waist with confidence as if he knows how he’s feeling about him. But… but how could Theo know? It doesn’t make any sense. “On the pictures, Matt took of you,” Theo whispers, and he’s still so damn close they’re breathing the same air — Stiles is sure the other boy can hear his heart racing in his chest, “I saw the way you looked at me when I wasn’t looking at you.” He brushes their noses together, a gesture so soft, it almost kills Stiles on the spot, “And if you think I don’t feel anything for you, then you’re more stupid than I thought.” 

“What?” 

But Theo kisses him again and everything snaps into place. Stiles raises his hands, curling them into the hem of Theo’s stupidly expensive suit jacket. A groan makes its way past Stiles’ resolve as he is crowded against the wall, and Theo doesn’t miss his chance. Theo deepens the kiss, pressing their bodies together in the most delicious way possible. The world shrinks until there’s nothing but Theo’s body, his tongue slipping past his lips, fingertips pressing into his skin. He’s been dreaming about this for the better part of two weeks, craving Theo’s touches, his kisses, praying whoever was listening, that he’d fuck him — that would have been enough before. 

But with how desperate Theo is kissing him right now, Stiles doubts that will be enough for either of them. 

“Theodore!” 

Theo growls against his mouth. He actually fucking growls — and if that isn’t the hottest thing Stiles has ever heard, he doesn’t know what is — before pulling away. “What?” he asks in the same tone he used on Matt. But he doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t turn away from Stiles. 

“This is—” Mrs. Raeken cuts off, ringing for the right words, “you are embarrassing us!” Her voice is shrill enough for everyone in the room to hear. 

Stiles quirks a brow, not even bothering to hide his grin. “Good thing we’re leaving anyway, aren’t we, Babe?” 

Intertwining their fingers, Theo nods. “Yes, we are.” He kisses him again, putting everything he intends to do to Stiles in the near future into this kiss, and turns to his family. “See you around… or something.” Theo shrugs once, grins at Stiles, and then starts to walk in the direction of the exit, pulling Stiles along with him — not giving a damn about his mother cursing at him from behind the doors. 

Theo slams the side of his fist against the elevator button and pulls Stiles against him again. “So much for my grand romantic gesture.” 

“You had a grand romantic gesture planned?” Stiles says, drawing his eyebrows together. “Before or after you saw Matt’s pictures?” Pictures Stiles needs to get his hands on. He doesn’t like the fact that a stranger apparently followed him around, and Theo is the only other person who saw everything. 

The elevator dings, and the door slides open. Theo shoves him inside, chuckling dangerously. “Why do you think I chose you, huh?” He glances in the corner of the ceiling, watching the camera for a few seconds before his grin turns into a smirk. “I had my eye set on you for a few months, but since you didn’t talk to me—” he cuts off, crowding Stiles in the corner of the elevator. “I usually get what I want.” His hands slide into the back pockets of Stiles’ jeans, and he pulls him closer, grinding their groins together in full view of the camera.  

Stiles is pretty sure his head is going to explode. “Like I said,” he whispers because he doesn’t trust his voice, “you’re a spoiled brat.” 

“I think your exact words were ‘spoiled fucking brat’.” Theo leans up to kiss him, “but tonight? Tonight I’m going to spoil you.” 

Stiles crashes their mouths together again. He can’t wait.  t

[marcnutz]

Hiya, I saw your imagine on a poly dream team and I was wondering if you can do another one except where the male reader is shy and ends up losing a bet with them and has to wear a maid dress for a whole day and do what they say. Could you also make the male reader a bit feminine and also if you do anons, could I be anon 🧋

Ofc you can! this is a fun switch up from the last one i like it :D Reader is GN but I did kinda write this with an M!Reader in mind, hence the feminization tag. However they can be read as F!Reader as well.

18+ Minors DNI

Masterlist and Info

Tags: Poly!Dteam x GN!Reader, ~750 words, Dom!DTeam, Sub!Reader, feminization, maid dresses, praise, blowjobs, thigh riding

You needed to stop gambling. You weren't good at it and you almost always lost. That's exactly how you found yourself in this situation.

Your outfit would've been cutter if it weren't so embarrassing. This pink, frilly dress just managed to cover your ass, which was also covered by matching pink panties. Your roommates had also purchased you thigh-highs that attached to garters that indented into the soft flesh of your thighs.

The absolute worst part of the entire outfit was the glittery pink butt plug currently vibrating in your ass.

The position you were in was uncomfortable, to say the least. On your hands and knees, George's cock in your mouth as Sapnap sat beside him, stroking himself.

George let out breathy moans as he trusted up gently into your mouth. Sapnap would moan every time you gagged on George's long cock.

You were so focused on how full you felt that you didn't even notice Dream walk into the room. "Well, what do we have here?" He asked with a smirk on his face.

Sapnap turned to face him. "We asked them to suck us off, but George got greedy."

Dream let out a soft laugh as he walked over to you. He brushed George's hair out of his face and tilted his chin up to give him a chaste kiss. "Why don't you let Sapnap have some fun? Look how desperate he looks."

George whimpered as he pulled out of your mouth. You sat back on your heels as you awaited your next order.

"Do as you please, Sapnap." Dream said as he reached down to begin palming George's cock to hold him over until it was his turn again.

"Come sit on my lap, puppy," Sapnap commanded.

You quickly scrabbled to your feet, sitting on Sapnap's thigh facing him.

"I want you to ride my thigh as you stroke me. You can cum when I cum if you'd like."

You just nodded as you began to thrust yourself down on his leg as your hand quickly wrapped around his thick cock. You would give anything to have it inside of you right now, to feel it stretch you out so much it would leave you sore in the morning.

Precum leaked out of Sapnap's cock, and you were quick to run your thumb over his tip to smear it down his shaft. He let out a loud moan as you fondled his balls gently.

"Awww, look at them, George," Dream said as he watched you two. "They're being so good for him, don't you think? Doing just as we say. So obedient."

The praise went straight to your core, and you were getting closer and closer to your finish.

"Sirs, may I please cum?" You asked. Sapnap had told you to wait, but you hoped that the others would convince him. If Dream wanted it bad enough you would be able to. He controlled the other two almost as much as he controlled you.

"I think they've been good enough, don't you boys?" Dream asked. Sapnap just nodded as George let out a pathetic noise as Dream squeezed his cock slightly. "Alright, go ahead puppy, you can cum."

With Dream's approval, the coil in your stomach quickly became unravelled as you came on Sapnap's thigh.

"Good puppy. Our boys still haven't finished yet, have they? Why don't you suck them off again. But this time you better listen to their orders and pleasure them both, bot just George."

You nodded as you got back on your knees, Sapnap scooting closer to George as you reached up and took both their cocks in your hands. You moved the both to your mouth and took their tips into your mouth the best you could.

It was hard to fit both of them in your mouth, but you made do. Often you would take one in your mouth and stroke the other with your hand, before switching over.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum." George said as he gripped your hair, his head thrown back.

"M-me too..." Sapnap said as he watched you lick both their cocks.

You took both their tips into your mouth and sucked, hard. That was all it took before both boys were spilling all over your face at the same time.

Dream laughed as he smeared some of their cum on your face. "Such a good puppy." He sat down on the couch and pulled you into his lap. You sat there for a few minutes, basking in the afterglow of pleasuring your boys. Slowly but surely, you drifted off into sleep.

[egcdeath]

finders keepers

summary: did captain america just steal your cat?

pairing: steve rogers x reader

word count: 2.5k

warnings: tooth rotting fluff, strangers to lovers

author’s note: it’s been way too long since i wrote some pure, self indulgent fluff. this has been quite the refreshing experience for me but i think it’s back to our regularly scheduled program after this ;)

you can find my masterlist and taglist here

Miso had an air of arrogance that you admired. She took the world by its kitty balls, doing whatever she pleased whenever she pleased. Your cat left the apartment for sometimes days at a time, and frequently led male cats to your door. To you, your cat was more like a roommate than a pet, hogging up most of your bed, standing on the counter while you attempted to make food for yourself, and leaving most areas dirtier than she originally found it. 

Okay, maybe you were personifying your cat a little too much. But after moving out to D.C., you were unspeakably lonely. Most days, it felt like Miso was all you had, and that you were all Miso had (save for her army of cat boyfriends). 

This made things all the more concerning for you when you’d realized that you hadn’t seen your cat companion in five days. Five whole days without the comforting vibration of her purr, her ungodly hours of wakeup calls demanding to be played with, or pet. The cherry on top was that the cat food outside your door appeared to be completely untouched.

In your frenzied realization of your missing cat, your mind raced with a thousand different terrible situations your dear Miso could’ve found herself in. You frantically clicked through pictures of her on an online album and attempted to find a photo that would capture her white fur with large blobs of auburn, and her vibrant blue eyes to put on your ‘MISSING’ sign. The longer you clicked, the more that you began to worry that she had been caught and kidnapped by some terrible person with bad intentions. 

You finally threw together the poster, sending it to your phone so that you could print it off at the OfficeMax down the street. Luckily for you, you didn’t make it that far, as the moment you began to lock the closed door of your apartment, you saw the unmistakable figure of your cat. 

In the arms of your neighbor.

Now, you’d never met Steve. He was an Avenger, Captain America to be exact, and you were just… you. You’d convinced yourself that attempting to introduce yourself to him would ultimately end in failure, and an embarrassing one at that. Maybe he’d scoff and walk away, or call Tony Stark in front of you and tell him about the crazy woman he just encountered. 

But none of that mattered. Captain America was stealing your fucking cat. 

“Excuse me, sir?” You asked, stepping away from your door and approaching the Greek God of a man to the right of you. 

“Oh, hey! We must be n-“

“You have my cat,” you said bluntly.

“I’m sorry, what?” Steve seemed to do a double take

“My cat, y’know, the feline in your arms.”

“Well, maybe we just have similar looking cats. This is Arabella.”

You nearly scoffed at this, shaking your head. First, Captain America kidnapped your cat, and now he’s trying to convince you that it’s not your cat? Yeah, you’d know Miso from a mile away. And what kind of name is Arabella?

“Arabella is a great name for her,” Steve retorted, pulling the cat closer to his chest. Shit, did you say that out loud?

“Well I think it’s time for Miso to come back home,” the cat’s ears perked at this, and she glanced over at you. The sight of you made her wiggle and hop out of Steve’s tight embrace, landing on her feet and trotting over to you. The damn cat rubbed her face against your calf and purred as if she hadn’t been cheating on you for long enough to have gained a new name.

You squatted down and rubbed the back of your hand against her cheek, and shook your head at your pet, “you’re getting put on probation, young lady.” 

She didn’t seem to mind, pacing back and forth around you. You glanced up and saw Steve with a rather neutral expression on his face, as if he was masking whatever it was that he was feeling.

“I’m sorry about that, ma’am. Uh, maybe I’ll see you both around sometime,” disappointment coated his every word before he opened up his apartment door and promptly closed it behind him. 

You were surprised at how quickly he conceded, but you weren’t particularly mad about it either. You weren’t sure what you’d do if you never got your Miso back.

——

A whole day later, you’d been in your apartment typing up an email when a soft rapping at your door got your attention.

“Just a second!” you called, hopping up and hurrying to the door. When you opened it, Steve was standing in front of you, waiting with an oversized box in his hands.

“These are some of Ar- Miso?” he trailed off, waiting for you to confirm the name, and you gave him a tiny nod. “These are some of Miso’s toys. I just figured if she’s not staying at my place anymore…”

As if on cue, Miso strolled up to the door, and stretched her arms up on Steve’s leg, begging to be picked up. The man glanced at you for approval, and you gave a dismissive shrug before he set down the box, and held up the cat.

Steve frowned as he held her, and frankly, it pulled on your heart strings. You had to remind yourself that this man had been holding your cat captive for at least a week, and at most… who knows. 

She clearly had a connection with him, and that was what intrigued you most. Miso was a very picky cat, and it was only occasionally that she found someone that she genuinely liked, let alone wanted to be picked up by. If you continued to watch the display of affection in front of you, you might just cave.

“Uh, I left something in the oven for a little too long, so I should probably go get that. Thanks for stopping by.”

Steve nodded, understanding that it was time for him to exit.

——

You should’ve seen this coming the minute Miso was back in your home. You stepped out of the shower one morning to find your front door slightly ajar, and your animal nowhere to be found. 

You huffed, frustrated that just three days after you told yourself that your cat was completely indoor from that point on, she had escaped. She could literally be anywhere at this point.

In a whirlwind, you threw on a sweatshirt and pants, ready to go print out the missing posters that you had designed just a few days ago. As you slipped on sneakers, you realized something very crucial. She might just be at Steve’s place.

You groaned aloud, rubbing your temple as you thought of how difficult your cat was being. You were becoming a bit nervous to approach Steve, you hadn’t gotten off to the greatest start, and if your cat wasn’t there, things might just be awkward.

Regardless, you knew you needed to try, so you exited your own home, and knocked on the door of Steve’s.

A few moments later, he appeared with your cat in tow. 

“Hey!” he paused and trailed off, “I never got your name before.”

“That’s what you care about right now?” you glanced down at your animal. “It’s Y/N, by the way.”

“Hi, Y/N. Miso and I were just enjoying breakfast, if you’d like to join us?”

Was Steve shooting his shot? 

“I appreciate your offer, but I think I’m alright. I have to get back to work, and my cat is still in your custody,” your eyes flickered down to the animal who stood proudly by his side. 

“Maybe some other time,” he shrugged. “You work from home?”

You nodded, then squatted down to get eye level with your cat. 

“I’m jealous,” he chuckled. “Alright, I’ll stop bothering you now. Bye Miso, see you around, Y/N.”

You picked up your cat, who briefly dug her nails into the ground in resistance before submitting to her capture. As you brought her back home, you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d made the right choice.

——

Ever since you’d discovered Miso, or Arabella’s secret life, it’s like you couldn’t stop noticing her connection to Steve. 

Some days, she’d be gone until the dead of night, when she’d meow and paw at your front door until you woke up. Other times she’d be laying in bed with you, and she smelled distinctly of your neighbor. Your cat had single handedly turned a stranger into a thoroughly integrated part of your life.

It was as if Miso was now your child, and Steve your ex-husband in a Cold War style custody battle, where Miso seemed to prefer her father. It was slightly disheartening. At the very least, you knew she was in good hands. 

You held a throw pillow to your chest while you watched a rerun of a sitcom on your television, procrastinating in your work for as long as you possibly could. The sound of a knock on your door pulled you from your trance, and as you peeked through the peephole of your door, you saw a slightly distorted Steve.

Opening up the door, you gave him just the faintest hint of a smile, “what’s up, neighbor? Need me to grab you some treats for Arabella, or something?”

“Kinda the opposite,” he gestured with his head down to the cat squirming in his hands. “I’m gonna be gone on a mission for the next week or so. I just wanted to let you know that if Miso gets out, she’s not with me.” 

Steve set her down on your carpet, and she happily collapsed at your feet, “keep her safe for me, alright?” 

——

You took a deep breath as you approached his door, hoping he hadn’t left just yet. You fiddled with the sticky note containing your number, and polaroid photo of your cat in your hand, considering turning around and scrapping the idea all together. 

It was silly to think that an Avenger would ever bother reaching out to you. You were probably overstepping anyway. Steve would think you were a freak and take full custody of your beloved Miso once and for all. 

Going against your better judgment, you set down the polaroid-note combo and quickly slid it under Steve’s door. Whatever happened happened.

The next morning, you were pleased to receive a notification from an unknown number. 

Send Miso pics?

You were more than happy to oblige. 

——

Over the course of Steve’s week-long mission, you’d sent several pictures and videos of your cat doing random things. Trying to get on the table, sleeping on top of your dryer, and even playing with one of the toys Steve provided.

Surprisingly, Steve wasn’t as dry of a texter as you thought he’d be. He was eating up all of the Miso content, and would occasionally even ask for you to send more photos. 

The final night of his mission, you were surprised when you received a FaceTime request, at first writing it off as a technical error (he was from a different time period, after all), but the follow up call demonstrated his intentions.

You cautiously picked up, the knot in your stomach growing as you did so, “hello?”

“Hi!” Steve greeted optimistically, the phone just a bit too close to his face. “Any Miso sightings?”

“Yeah, she’s actually sleeping on my foot right now,” you chuckled, flipping the camera so you could show her off in your dim, lamp-lit bedroom. 

“So cute,” he hummed, “how have you been?”

“Me?” you laughed quietly, “I’m not the one on a top secret mission in god-knows-where. But I’ve been fine. How are you?”

“Honestly? I’m pretty tired. Kinda can’t wait to get home and see you and Miso,” he said in a quieter voice. 

Your brain stalled out for a second. Steve was excited to see you? You hoped that you were reading this the right way, as you were more than willing to go with whatever it was that Steve was putting down.

“We’ll be expecting an immediate visit from you, then. I’ll let Miso know that she needs to start kneading a bread loaf for you as soon as possible. Any idea of what time you’re getting into D.C.?” 

“Probably late morning, but it really depends on when Natasha gets up.”

You had a moment where you realized that you were talking to a real life superhero, and he had just referenced his friend… who was also a superhero. You paused for a second. 

“Y/N? Hey, you still here?”

“Yeah! Yeah. I just zoned out for a sec. Well, you better get here safe or else someone is going to be very annoyed with you.”

Steve laughed softly across the line, and you adjusted yourself in bed, yawning softly.

“I’m sorry, I forgot how late it is over there,” Steve apologized.

“Don’t worry, I was up anyway. One of Miso’s boyfriends is pretty upset that he can’t come in here and spend the night with her.”

“Which one?”

“I think that grey one. I don’t really know what his voice sounds like, but she’s been leading him on lately,” you responded, eliciting a laugh from both you and Steve. 

“Try to get some sleep, okay? I don’t need you snoozing while I come to visit our girl.”

“You are something else, Steve Rogers,” you said fondly, adjusting your phone one last time as you hugged a pillow. “I’ll get to sleep. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow. Sweet dreams, Y/N.”

You hung up, and cuddled into your pillow with a sigh. Calling your dreams that night sweet was an understatement. 

——

You seemed to be Steve’s first stop after his mission, stopping at your door with his duffel bag still attached to his arm, and wearing a slightly dirty and much too small white t-shirt.

Expecting his presence, you quickly got the door and gave him a toothy grin. 

“It’s so good to see your face without a screen,” Steve commented. Internally, you swooned. 

“I could say the same for you, Steve.”

Miso had been summoned by the sound of Steve’s voice, practically sprinting to the door and meowing at him on the top of her lungs. 

“Miso really appreciates you coming here to see her first,” you added as he lifted her up and quietly cooed into her wrinkly head. “Feel free to take her for the next few days. I’m sure she’s getting tired of me.”

Steve shook his head at you, and grinned, “that’s so sweet of you,” he briefly looked down at his wristwatch, and his brows raised.

“Shit. I have to go, but I promise to see you soon. I’m glad to see that everything is well. Take care, Y/N,” Steve began making his way back to his own apartment, and you watched him with the semblance of a frown. 

You really needed to stop longing for the unobtainable. 

——

You hadn’t heard from Steve in a few days following his return, and your brief interaction with him. Part of you wondered if he was avoiding you for some  reason. 

Your phone lit up the room as it went off, and you grabbed it to look at the notification you received.

A picture of Steve grinning with Miso sitting on his chest looked back at you with a simple message connected to it.

Wanna come over? :D