#and this time ill be accomplished

[laikahh]

not depressed but not Not depressed either but a secret 3rd thing

[anonymouscheeses]

Spending one day with a mentally ill mermaid (She almost kills me 😱😱)

[tangledinink]

MY CHILDHOOD LOVE, WARRIOR CATS MY ONE AND ONLY

I MADE MY FIRST OC'S, SELF INSERTS, AND PERSONAS FOR THAT SERIES

WE WARRIOR'S FANS STAND TOGETHER IN OUR SEA OF BLOOD AND PILE OF BONE

oh BIG MOOD. i was obSESSED with warrior cats for AGES. like. lowkey baby's first true hyperfixation. i deVOURED those books. they were typically too expensive for my family to buy (esp coz there were SOO many of them) so every time a new one would come out i'd beg my mom to bring me to the bookstore and then i'd straight up just sit in the aisle and read the entire thing then and there.

warrior cats is definitely, like, a huge part of what truly got me into drawing/writing/storytelling. i used to dedicate hours to illustrating scenes from those books. i had four HUGE handmade posters up on my wall as a tween with each and every cat from each and every clan that i'd update as the allegiances changed in the books. i used to design 'warriorsonas' for each and every one of my classmates because i was a super normal child. warriors is how i got into roleplaying, which was definitely a huge influence on my writing-- i read in an interview when i was, like, 11 that the erins sometimes got inspiration for warrior names from roleplay sites, and i was like!!!!! omg i have to start roleplaying on roleplay sites so that one of my warrior names get into the books!!!!

(they never did lol)

but i still obSESSIVELY roleplayed online for YEARS, i'd draw all my characters and draw my friends' characters, too, and scenes from the rps. we'd all write PARAGRAPHS upon paragraphs with, like, proper grammar and everything (because at that age and in those circles, roleplaying *with actions in asteriks* and stuff was CRINGE and everyone KNEW that the LONGER you wrote the BETTER your writing was, obvs, and that was the only factor--) i spent, like, every waking moment on this massive chatroom-based site called kugyay that had, like, hundreds and thousands of users in its heyday. granted, like, most people had more than one account (so you could have a custom profile for each character, obvi) but i remember everyone freaked out when we hit more than 10,000 accounts.

i could talk about my experience with warrior cats and all my various ocs for... like.... ages. also like. this is random and won't mean anything to most people, esp coz i only posted, like, a few pages about it, but i also want y'all to know that this graphic novel that i desperately want to bring to life and do justice someday and that i've dedicated SOOO much time thinking about is... like....... 1000% inspired by/based on warrior cats lowkey. like. i am infected. forever and ever.

[felidaeng]

pokemon scarlet and violet can be really niceys to me sometimes

[xamaxenta]

Kind of whelmed

[echoesofadream]

so many books on my tbr and also so many books i have started but not finished and im thinking about reading dostojevskij instead

[sheilaerinniperonista]

riz wip 👍

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the problem with not having any new fics to read bc they havent been posted yet is that when Invisible Tigers Are Hunting You, there is no distraction

[astromechs]

figuring out i have published nearly 60,000 words of rebelcaptain fic to ao3 in the past year, and that's just the stuff i've published

[the-cookie-of-doom]

for a while now, I've really been doubting my career choices with nursing. I know a lot of it is burn out and depression, and being so overwhelmed between work, school, and clinical, that I didn't have time to breathe. I was in the hospital/on campus for 60 hours a week last semester, and that's not counting the time I had to study outside of that. It was awful. I quit my job because of it, I was almost involuntarily committed because of it.

But the scariest part for me has been how much I've hated clinical. It makes me miserable. And that's terrifying, because once I graduate? That's what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. So if I already hate it now, what does that mean for my future?

Sometimes, though... Sometimes I'll have a clinical that is just so good, it reminds me of why I'm doing this. Why I'm putting myself through the pain and suffering of becoming a nurse, which is honestly one of the hardest careers a person can have. It's mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. It destroys your body and your mental health. Most of the time it's thankless. It doesn't pay nearly enough for what we go through.

Despite all of the reasons there are not to become a nurse, there are some patients that will remind you why it's all worth it anyway.

Last week, I had a crotchety old bitch of a patient. She had been in the hospital for 10 days, was refusing all of her treatments, screamed at anyone that came in her room, and demanded dilaudid around the clock, despite having no injuries to justify it. Everyone hated her. Her own nurses went in her room as little as possible; I think in the entire 12 hours I was there, her nurse spent maybe a total of 20 minutes in her room. I was in there for hours. A couple minutes at a time in the beginning just so she could warm up to me. Then I spent 2 straight hours at her bedside just talking to her. Letting her tell me her life story. Which was tragic, of course, and no wonder she was so run down and bitter and wanted to get high off narcotics. She was miserable, lonely, and in chronic pain from a body that was deteriorating around her.

So I spent as much time with her as possible. Sure enough, she didn't ask me for any pain medications a single time, once she realized she could trust I was going to look after her. I Explained her medications and her treatments, and the reasoning behind them. I offered to reach out to out chaplain when I noticed she was hyper focused on some televangical broadcast. I got her to call her son to come visit her. I got her to agree to take her medications and allow us to take blood sample for her labs, which were days overdue. I got her up and working with physical therapy so she could start walking again.

By the end of the day, that patient loved me. Not a single complaint all day, she wasn't screaming down the halls and cursing everyone's existence. She was still crotchety and mean in that way old hillbillies are, but she wasn't angry. She wasn't lashing out. She was finally being cooperative. All because I took the time to talk to her and offer her company.

Tonight, I had a shift in our mental health unit. There was a patient who I noticed was very withdrawn and avoiding everyone, mostly just standing in a corner at the end of the hall, by a window. I went down and talked to him. Kind of stilted at first, but slowly he opened up to me. I really only meant to talk for a few minutes, mostly for my own sake, to get used to interacting with mental health patients like this.

Instead, we talked for hours. Nearly 3 hours straight at the start of the day alone, and then more throughout the day. My feet were killing me by the end of it, but it was completely worth it to see the way this poor guy came to life. We talked about everything from social topics like music and movies, to his medications and treatments, and how to manage his depression once he leaves. Something I was able to connect with him about on a personal level in a way his nurse hadn't, because I've been living with depression for a decade, I've been on antidepressants, and I understand. I think that was the point it clicked for him, when he really started reaching out to me, instead of answering when I prompted him. Because humans need connection and understanding.

By the end of the day he was talking freely and smiling nearly non-stop. We'd made plans for him to get back into an old hobby he hadn't touched in years, and he seemed genuinely excited to start it back up again. He was nearly bouncing in place when I went to say goodbye to him at the end of the night, and thanked me for talking to him all day. Even the staff nurses noticed the way his demeanor had completely changed.

Another patient (my actual patient for the night) started the day very combative. To the point she had to be redirected to her room (not locked up, just strongly encouraged to go and cool down). She was screaming at everyone, having some very serious and severe delusions. Same story; I talked to her throughout the day, little bits whenever she was feeling calm. I noticed she had a tattoo from an old semi-niche XBox game I used to play, and we bonded over that. By the end of the shift she loved me. Kept asking me if I'd gotten lunch/dinner, made sure all the other patients on the unit got their snacks, told us all to get some rest once it was curfew for the unit (we had to stay another 2 hours) and said we could use the spare bed in her room if we needed. Which sounds really weird but coming from her was incredibly sweet. Again, total attitude change.

I am very cognizant of the fact that the way I approach my patient care is largely a privilege of still being a student. It's easy for me to stand at a patient's bedside for 2 hours straight and listen to her life story when I have nothing better to do, let alone 3 other patients to take care of. But that nurse didn't talk to her at all. Even when she was in the room, she dismissed everything the patient said. The mental health nurses? Most of their time is spent in the nursing station gossiping and messing on their phones. There's no reason for them not to put in the extra effort of spending time with their patients. And especially there, it can have such an impact.

All of that is to say, I love the relationships I'm able to build with my patients. It's so important for me to be able to connect with people like this, to make them feel seen and cared for and important. No one wants to be treated like an inconvenience, especially not while they're in the hospital, sick and hurt and exhausted and in pain.

Nights like these are why I'm going into this field. I love medicine and I always knew I would end up in the hospital, I've always wanted to be able to save someone's life. But I think now that I've grown up and I'm actually working with these patients, I've come to see not only how rewarding it is to save someone's life, but to nurture that life, too.

[drippyboycunt]

i need another job so i can get tattoo money or i'm gonna go insane

[that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick]

Bang Chan more like Dang Chan

[nexus-nebulae]

odd thing we've noticed. the less okay we are the smaller our active system gets

[quietwingsinthesky]

if i ever have to play beyond two souls again im going to kill someone someone’s life ends with me

[icewindandboringhorror]

We should bring back that thing some websites used to do where whenever you made a post you could also list a bunch of random details alongside it, like the mood you’re currently feeling while writing the post, what you’re eating, music you’re currently listening to, what device you’re writing the post on, some random emoji, your personal motto at the moment, etc. It’s like additional character lore 

[gilliontidestriderchampionoftheu]

iam. procrastinating this animatic now lol