#and to see it true and real... its beautiful
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What your True Love will be like, how they’ll act, how the love will change your 🤍,
based on your 5H 📝
⭐️BELOW⭐️
Aries 5th House
Love shows up bold and unfiltered. They take risks for you without hesitation and make you feel like the most alive version of yourself. Expect direct eye contact, quick action, and zero games. Your heart will feel wild, brave, awake. This love does not tiptoe. It kicks down doors and dares you to feel everything at once.
Taurus 5th House
They come into your life steady and soft like a song you never realized you needed. They might cook for you, stay close, make you feel safe without even trying. Their voice calms your nervous system. Your heart feels full without drama. Love becomes something real that you can touch, taste, and return to every day.
Gemini 5th House
They make your mind feel electric. You will laugh without effort and speak about everything and nothing for hours. They flirt through curiosity and charm you by listening closely. Your heart feels playful, curious, and wide awake. True love here feels like a game only you two know how to win together.
Cancer 5th House
They show up with quiet devotion and emotional depth that feels familiar. They might bring you soup when you are sick or remember the smallest things about you. Their love feels like protection. Your heart feels deeply understood, softened, and nurtured. They make you feel safe enough to let your guard down.
Leo 5th House
Love will enter your life loudly. They celebrate you in public and adore you in private. You feel like royalty in their eyes. They are expressive, magnetic, and unafraid to claim you. Your heart will light up with pride and passion. They make you feel like you matter more than anything else in the room.
Virgo 5th House
They love you through the details. They show up when they say they will, they notice the things you try to hide, and they help without being asked. Love is quiet but incredibly loyal. Your heart will feel safe in their structure. They teach you that devotion does not have to be loud to be powerful.
Libra 5th House
They glide in like a song or a well-placed word. They are charming, graceful, and intentional. They create beauty just by being near you. Your heart will feel warm and adored, like you have been chosen for something rare. They love with harmony, not noise. With them, everything feels softer but more real.
Scorpio 5th House
They arrive with eyes that see straight through you. Intense, magnetic, private. They do not fall in love casually. They study you, unravel you, choose you with their entire soul. Your heart will feel raw, alive, slightly terrified. This love does not skim the surface. It digs deep and pulls you back into your own power.
Sagittarius 5th House
They come in laughing with a wild story and a heart full of freedom. They want to take you somewhere new and teach you something true. Your heart will feel like it is expanding just by standing next to them. They do not just love you. They invite you to grow, to explore, to believe in something bigger than fear.
Capricorn 5th House
They show up with quiet strength and deep focus. They take love seriously. They do not rush and they do not play. They build slowly and prove everything with actions. Your heart will feel safe, seen, and respected. This love feels like a vow that keeps its word long after everyone else has left the room.
Aquarius 5th House
They walk in different. Quirky, brilliant, a little removed. But when they choose you, they show up with honesty and vision. They love you for your weirdness and teach you how to own it. Your heart will feel like it finally has space to breathe. With them, love feels like revolution wrapped in curiosity.
Pisces 5th House
They come in like a dream. Gentle, creative, emotionally vast. They may feel like a song or a soft tide you do not want to leave. They love you with their presence more than their words. Your heart will feel like it is floating and still safe. This love is not practical. It is poetic. And that is what makes it real.
#astrology#astronomy#numerology#spirituality#twin flames#spiritual awakening#spiritual growth#spiritual healing#spiritual journey#intrusive thoughts#Aries#Taurus#Gemini#cancer#Leo#Virgo#Libra#Scorpio#Sagittarius#Capricorn#Aquarius#Pisces
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tw dubcon
I love your coraline au with sae! Both blurbs about it have a really yummy mixture of horror and sadness. While rereading the second one with sae watching you from behind a barrier (which was a really cool visual you wrote!), I was just thinking of sae having to watch and listen as other!sae fucks you in your bed you are meant to share with the real sae (hence the dubcon heads up, as you’re technically consenting to have sex with the real sae and not other!sae)
I think it’d be absolutely torturous for him, especially since if the two of you hadn’t had sex in forever or engaged in really loveless sex due to your strained relationship
jesus christ nonnie you should've seen the ways my eyes bulged out when i kept reading ,,,, your BRAIN IS HUGEEE (☆▽☆)!!!!!! i love the voyeurism of it all, and would it be insane to say this is kind of .. inching towards self-cest territory ...?
regardless, the jealousy that sae would feel would be levels above a normal person, because in his head, he's not exactly thinking "that should be me," but moreso "that Is me, but i'm not experiencing it." a fiery surge lighting within him as he can only just watch as other!sae rakes over your body that true!sae hasn't felt up in that manner in months. not only that, but it's clear that you miss his touch from the way you melt into other!sae, only racking up his jealousy more.
it had been awhile since sae had even seen you naked, so seeing your bare form in front of someone that technically isn't actually him so openly boils his frustration. how dare he forget how much of a beauty you were, and how you've been right in front of him this entire time with sae barely noticing it until now. other!sae smooths his hands across your skin, and sae swears he can feel its warm softness under his own palms as he watches with gritted teeth.
it's not only that, but also the way that sae feels almost the mirror touch when other!sae slips into you, a subtle warmth embracing his own dick that grows too tight in his pants as he watches as other!sae fucks you out prone bone. "he" murmurs into your ear these artificial declarations of love, ones that sae hasn't said to you in months but vows to say them every second if you'll have him, the true him, again.
#꩜ ; the rabbit hole#may just write abt this more bc holyyy shit my brain's stirring... if that is ok nonnie! lmk in the inbox if u see this#✉ ; letters to wonderland#itoshi sae#blue lock#tw ; dubcon#cw ; selfcest#< just in case GAHHA
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metamy is insane. like.
what if i was the hero you loved gone wrong. defeated and destroyed. rebuilt as my own greatest enemy. what if i lost everything. what if i had been reprogrammed to despise all i had once fought for. what if i couldn't even remember why i had fought at all.
and what if you were made of roses. what if you represented every beautiful thing i once died trying to protect. what if you wore flowers in your hair and cared for small creatures and had eyes the color of the forests i used to call my home. what if you were everything i once loved.
those memories are just out of my reach. infuriatingly. maddeningly. but if anyone knows who i am (who i used to be) it's you. if anyone can make me feel like who i used to be (who i really am) it's you. i can't speak, i can't breathe, i can't remember anything (but you).
you are the world i have been ordered to burn. i am the weapon you have chosen to resist. i was (am) the hero that you loved.
you are my only memory.
#sonic#metamy#metal sonic#amy rose#like. the motifs man. the robot falls in love with rose.#he fought and died to protect nature. her name is AMY ROSE.#he fought and died to protect nature and HE WAS CONVERTED INTO A METAL WEAPON. used against his OWN DREAM.#you are a weapon against yourself. what do you remember? i remember her (i remember failing her)#he's cold. (un)dead. sharp. made of metal. enemy of life. LITERALLY AT WAR WITH HIMSELF (metalsonic v sonic).#she's so so warm. bright. soft. covered in flowers. the only thing that could be good and patient and loving enough to endure him.#it's about his unspoken obsession. he has no mouth he makes no sound he cannot blink or smile or cry.#so he stares in silence at a girl so beautiful and gentle he almost remembers. almost. almost. almost.#all she sees (at first) is a tool. a cold imitation of her love. staring unblinking. unthinking unfeeling.#and then. confusion. and then curiosity.#and when she figures it out. it turns to horror.#BUT THATS FOR LATER!#the best part to me is that weird phase where amy is like. what is this thing doinggg😭 (secretly affectionate) while metal stares at her👁👁#and composes love poem death threats (2 sonic) in his mind.#its about jealousy. im the true sonic. you say you love sonic and im sonic why dont you love me? love me. love me#-> you are kind to me. i had forgotten that feeling. i wont lose it again. so im gonna kill your boyfriend . if thats okay😁beepboop!#the dynamic between amy and sonic and sonics weird undead evil robot clone WHO WANTS TO BE 'THE REAL' SONIC SO BADLY is sooooo yummy.#esp if sonic in turn is like. 'is. is he actually a contender in this. AMY. YOURE BETTER THAN THIS.'#sonic's own sense of ego and entitlement (/pos i love him hes a rat) clashing in two separate forms. two separate lifetimes.#but! that rose! that same rose!!!!!!!!!!!#(clutches head in hands)#.txt
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i know a lot of people like to make fun of young queer people who use a bunch of microlabels and engage in niche or "cringe" aesthetics but im gonna be so honest, i love them so much. i 100% was that kid and while now i don't really use or think about any of the labels i used back then, that doesn't make that time any less valuable and valid (and it doesn't make someone less valid if they do keep using that terminology into their adult life!). queer kids who are figuring themselves out and are learning about new fun words for genders and pronouns and sexualities deserve to run wild and be loud and happy and not carry and be impacted by the shame that many of us have been taught to hold.
my cousin is a year younger than how old i was when i first realized i was queer and they've vaguely known they were queer for a couple years now. personally, i think that's pretty awesome. recently they've gotten into the very stereotypical scene kid aesthetic and i make a point to compliment them on it every time i see them. almost every time i see them they have a new adjustment as to how they view their gender/sexuality and i always tell them that that's really cool and i give them a hug. recently they told me they have a boyfriend and listed like 3 separate labels as to how he defines his gender and i asked them if i was remembering the definitions of all those words correctly (which i was because, like i said, i was that kid lol).
it's just all these small things that seem so trivial or "weird/cringe" that so many people look down on queer kids for engaging in and i'll never understand it. i think it is so unbelievably cool that these people are figuring themselves out and finding new terms and identities and things that they can be and they're just so excited by it. being excited by queerness is cool! wanting to engage in niche subcultures is cool! allowing yourself to be who you are in that moment without the worrying guilt of having to get it "right" is wonderful and awesome and cool and how it should be!! please do not teach the queer kids to be ashamed of themselves in a time where they should be able to run wild and figure out their identities in a way that truly makes them happy!!!!
#sorry for rambling but this is something im genuinely very passionate about#theres this idea of “oh theyll grow out of it”#okay and??#something something “show me a permanent state of self”#and even more infuriating is the idea of “they make the queer community look bad by having all these microlabels!!”#or “those labels/sexualities/genders arent real!"#fun fact buddy#gender and sexuality and even LANGUAGE#ISNT REAL#NONE OF ITS REAL#ITS ALL SOCIALLY CONSTRUCTED FICTIONAL CONCEPTS#IT MAKES NO SENSE TO WANT OTHER PEOPLE TO PLAY BY THESE FICTIONAL RULES YOU MADE UP FOR THESE FICTIONAL CONCEPTS#also cishet people aren't gonna respect you any more as a queer person just because you're one of the “normal” ones#and if they do. boy oh boy i have news for you.#they never respected you and your queerness in the first place#the purpose of queerness is not and never has been to be palatable#it is about being yourself and self expression and radical acceptance of the full range of human gender and sexuality#it is about finding joy in the very thing that people deem you an outcast for being#will these kids likely “grow out of it”? yes but that doesnt make their experiences any less real and true and valuable#imo queer kids exhibit one of the most true forms of queerness which is self-discovery#the way they radically embrace this thing about themselves they are largely taught to feel shame for is beautiful and commendable#we should honestly all be learning from them#and also supporting them!! this is a very crazy stage of life! let queer kids in your life know you love and support them!!#in every stage of their journey!!!#sorry ive been having a very rambly day today#but i just think about this every time i see my cousin#and i see myself in them and i know how awful i felt bc i had no one who cared/supported me in that#and i just want to make sure they have at least one person#who they know thinks theyre cool as fuck and is on their side 100%#also my cousin thinks im cool! which is crazy!! and i wouldve gone WILD if i knew that someone i thought was cool that *I* was cool!!!
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Knocking them over and watching them scramble to get up with those big ass heads
#kelperambles#captainshipping#tw eyestrain#eye strain#the captainshipping brainrot is so bad right now oh my god it’s like something wormed into my brain and started destroying everything#to constantly think about them but not have enough time to draw them. torture.#Nintendo yaoi is what could save me.#the last time I tried to draw Captainshipping I drew ONE (1!!!!) line on Falcon’s chin and went ‘ok that’s pretty good. I should lay down’#AND THEN I FELL ASLEEP FOR 5 HOURS#wiping a tear from my eyes as I look at captainshipping photo album on my phone before bed#life is beautiful#I love drawing them and just looking back at my art months later and thinking ‘dude I actually killed it. this is everything I ever wanted’#because it’s true!!! It’s exactly what I want to see because it came from ME?!? CRAZY IDEA.#I imagine their dynamic as something genuinely so sweet. hopefully I can articulate it well enough here#Like from subspace emissary you can already see how Falcon (quite literally) pushes Olimar to try new things and be more adventurous#(even if Olimar doesn’t need it after his time on PNF-404 LMAOO)#and Olimar encourages Falcon to slow down and live in the moment#plus. between the two Olimar definitely talks the most about nearly anything and everything#EXCEPT for his true feelings because if there’s one thing he’s good at. it’s bottling his emotions until he explodes in the worst crash out#But falcon is observant and provides Olimar the space he needs to vent any issues#even if Olimar thinks they’re probably insignificant in the face of CAPTAIN FALCON of all people#like dude…the infamous bounty hunter and rich award winning F-Zero racer? CRAZY.#Falcon doesn’t mind though. He cares about Olimar and genuinely wants to listen.#if its about financial issues he could definitely help but olimar adamantly refuses#Olimar doesn’t want to ‘take advantage’ of his relationship with Falcon and he’s always been super self-reliant so it’s hard to adjust#and guess what. Falcon could care less. he has too much money to count and would probably spend it on another custom racetrack#istg he’s so obsessed with racing I wouldn’t be surprised if he LIVED in the blue falcon instead of getting a place to stay#Olimar and Falcon are opposites attract taken to the extreme dude I love it so much#and consider the tropes????? LIKE DUDE FALCON IS LITERALLY GETTING HUNTED DOWN BY VILLAINS IMAGINE IF THEY FOUND OUT ABT OLIMAR#AND THE HELMET. THEYLL NEVER BE ABLE TO KISS AND ITS SO GOOD I EAT IT UP!!! FOREVER YEARNING LONGING REALNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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so here's the deal guys. in the past week i reread my way through prisoner of azkaban, goblet of fire, order of the phoenix, and half-blood prince. i am currently halfway through deathly hallows. and as i was eleven the last time i seriously read harry potter. i forgot that it allows me to unlock secret shrimp emotions that humans aren't normally capable of feeling
#I HAVE BEEN ROYALLY MESSED UP. AGAIN.#I HAVEN'T FELT LIKE THIS SINCE I WAS A LITTLE BABY NERDLING AND NOW. OUAGHHHHHH#also it's been really interesting reading them through the eyes of an older and wiser person#because i'm picking up on a whole bunch of things i just didn't have the capacity to understand as a kid y'know#good gravy ESPECIALLY ron and hermione's relationship and its development#like the first time i read the series i was pretty meh about them but NOW. OH MY GOSH#it's the fact that they didn't even like each other when they first met and then became best friends#it's the fact that they fight and bicker and squabble SO much but it's never been permanent#and any time one of them is in danger the other doesn't even think twice about burying the hatchet#it's the fact that they've loved each other since at least their third year but didn't know that cause they were thirteen#it's the fact that they spent so long as friends!!! before!!! they started really considering romance!!!#like even once they did realize they were in love they went about it in a fashion appropriate to their age and the state of their friendshi#IT'S THE FACT THAT RON'S HEART WAS NEVER REALLY IN HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH LAVENDER#THAT THE WHOLE TIME HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH LAVENDER WAS BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED HERMIONE TO NOTICE HIM#AND THE FACT THAT THERE WASN'T ANY REAL SUBSTANCE TO HIS FLING WITH LAVENDER#BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T FRIENDS FIRST#AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW EACH OTHER ON THE INTIMATE LEVEL THAT YOU ONLY GET TO IN FRIENDSHIPS#IT WAS JUST A WHOLE BUNCH OF EMPTY PHYSICALITY#BUT EVEN THOUGH I DON'T THINK YOU EVER SEE RON AND HERMIONE KISS IN THE BOOKS#(and if they do it's like. one time)#YOU CAN TELL THEY DON'T NEED TO TO PROVE HOW MUCH THEY LOVE EACH OTHER#AND IT'S THIS BEAUTIFUL COMMENTARY ON WHAT TRUE LOVE ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE AND ANYWAY I AM. FINE AND NORMAL#WHY DO YOU ASK#margin rambles#harry potter
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I finished reading Victory Conditions by astolat on ao3 and I will never recover. That fic has fuckin’ rewired my brain. It has rocked my world view. It is a core memory now. I will never be the same.
#transformers#transformers stuff#my posts#tf fic#victory condition#I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME#I stayed up all night reading it#and I will never be the fuckin’ same#it’s got banger ass lines like#‘this too is true.’ and#‘I will not be there. To see the shining city my absence is a preexisting condition.’ and#‘if he could explain it in something other than poetry he wouldn’t have to write a poem to say it’#and it’s got messages like#‘happiness and peace is paid in suffering. the only reason you can sleep well at night is because we were forced to pay for it in blood.’#but also ‘but this too is true. this joy and happiness is real and beautiful’#and ‘love persists. despite everything love is true and persists’#READ IT ITS SO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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BEATLES '64 PHOTO DUMP BECAUSE I TOOK A GAZILLION SCREENSHOTS!!!!! WHAT A GOOD DOCUMENTARY!!!!! (it's 98% JUST ringo and george though ough)
#absolutely beautiful#nearly cried but i kept it together!!!#LOVE IT SMMMM TY TO EVERYONE WHO WORKED ON IT!! including olivia harrison the only Ever#that lady is augh.... so amazing.... so pretty...#scratches head. anyways!#i was fed so well#i loved seeing how silly they were especially george#literally was like 😯😯😯 at everthing#and ringo was a blast i laughed#paul looked so lost BUT he was super funny too#i love everytime he points out that chimpanzee#john was also really great to see#the GIRLS were SOOOO real ngl... insane but real#i nearly died when they put parts of the ringo and george interview in#interview?? they were on a show or something BUT its one of my fav things ever#im so quoting the white christmas part#“whats your favorite song right now?” “....white christmas! :D”#probably watched that part WAY too many times#OH ALSO RONNIEEEEE I WANTED TO SEE MORE OF HERRRR#WAS SO HAPPY SEEING HER you dont even KNOW#and brian and smokey and and literally everyone in it#“i am full of octopuses” ringo#seriously love that documentary#excuse for me to quote george a bunch...... yes#its true its true!#OH GUYS.. LITMW CD COMING FRIDAYYYYY SO POST ABOUT IT VERY SOON#anthology 1 cd post soon as well i need to relisten ngl
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poäng appreciation post 💛
#i forget if i said but Baby Sister and i stopped off at ikea on the way back from picking her up at the bus stop on monday#and finally replaced the ruined-by-a-succession-of-cats-(in-ways-both-unsightly-and-gross) Accent Chair in the living room#with a poäng rocker (bc the shape is a little more interesting and less instantly recognizable than the regular chair) in birch (my beloved#also they make fancy tufted cushions for it now! wish they came in more colors but it's a real improvement on sad options past#and anyway it's like. now you can actually sit here in the morning and look out the window at the extremely beautiful view#and the chair actually supports you??? like i could see down the road trying to work out some kind of custom cushioning that's thicker#but the shape of the frame is so ergonomic for me that it's genuinely quite comfortable regardless. bentwood exocorset…#anyway. not a very original post but i just DO really love ikea#like yes it's a mixed bag but also honestly if you're buying particle board—#(i was going to say 'and expecting it to hold up' but. honestly i think it's just. if you're buying particle board period)#—that might be on you.#(like. if you're being pressed in from all sides by budget constraints and immediate need and no accessible better-made used alternatives—#obviously you do what you have to. but it's like buying pleather—you know‚ or should‚ that the material is going to disintegrate.)#but the things ikea makes with decent materials are remarkably well-designed and affordable for what they are‚ has been my sense?#you just gotta shop carefully but like. that's true literally everywhere.#anyway. in conclusion i love my new buddy with its clean lines. …do people name chairs ever.#i've never before had the urge but this one feels like a little assembly-line friend that deserves its own identity. like a star wars clone#(lol what if i gave it a little nametag somewhere hidden. secret identity talisman 4 chairpal.)#(& yes i promise i'm as aware of the‚ uh‚ itself-ness of this tag spiral as you are. :) )#domesticities
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there are people on twitter (and tiktok apparently) that are upset about people drawing mlp characters as people of color and/or fat. which is hilarious to me, because all of the real ones know pinkie is a fat person of color since like 2016
#personal♡#the show is long over and its for real beating a dead horse. pun intended#& i talked about it before but seeing a black pinkie or black twilight is just so real and true to me that i forget they are horses#or that their human versions are just pastels in equestria girls#its like a nonspoken canon to so many people in the fandom and thats beautiful to me
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i feel like i should probably just wtch boruto. biggest issue is just that im pretty sure the central conflict is fucking dumb. in addition to the fact that the story's existence depends on the worlds biggest He Would Not Fucking Do That
#txt157#was bound to happen. i still dont think its real ever like they owuldnt do all that. well to be real nrto might but thats a different post#but the fact that theres more content of these charas that exists and im just choosing not to see it is a little painful to me. i have to#know it all#not until im done w this installment of kuwtu though#but i need to actually watch it for the sake of my 3 canons (brto (embellished); brto 2 (no brto); kuwtu)#nrto#i talked already abt how sakuras crush being validated is a disservice to her character i think. but i talked abt it w a friend today for a#while and it is really so very true. im so sorry#<- fully unrelated. make a new post idiot. the beauty of me still posting at 2:52 am is stream of consciousness tags. no pony cares rival!
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Went to visit stevie last weekend and ofc I visited her mom too bc that's what friends do and her mom saw me and in a super happy and complimentary voice she went "awww, you never stopped looking like a 12 year old boy" 💀
#my posts#when u spell it out like this it sounds like she was roasting me which lowkey she was But im pretty sure it wasnt intended that way#it was like she was overwhelmed with nostalgia since when she met me i was the same size as her daughter#and stevie really bloomed into a beautiful big lady but i stayed the same height forever#little baby me 👼 buying liquor and cigs is going to be fun and not at all annoying#😭 every time i go to the pool they assume im a kid lololol. 2 arm tats and one sternum tat isnt enough to convince anyone im a Real Adult#tbf tho my big arm tat is on the inside of my arm so im sure from the right angles u almost cant see it#ofc its also big and black like its over 10 inches long. so its not That discreet#omg i should start telling men who assume im a minor that ive got tattoos bigger than your dick#statistically it will be true!
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Brienne of Frickin' Tarth!!!! best girl!! best girl brienne!!!!
Oh my god oh my god oh my god but thinking about Brienne and how she didn’t reject her femininity by choice but everyone else rejected it for her because she wasn’t conventionally attractive so the only role she felt she could fit in to in society’s eyes was that of a warrior and how she was in love with Renly because he was nice to her and danced with her and treated her how all the other girls her age were treated even if it was just for a night and how she never feels like she fits in as a woman because she’s ugly but she never fits in as a man because she isn’t a man but she can’t go back now that she knows what its like to be free from those constraints but there is still a small part of her that wonders what it would be like if maybe, just maybe… and I just… George had absolutely no right to write a character that good
#brienne of tarth#asoiaf#god i love brienne shes the absolute goddamn best character ever.#For all the obvious reasons but also her story really really really appeals to me as a trans woman.#like omg!!! shes just like me fr!!!#this post is exactly why her entire story works so well as a transfem allegory. (you put it more eloquently than i ever could have though!)#like obviously brienne herself isnt a trans woman and theres no way gurm was even thinking about it like that when he wrote it but still#that scene where she pours her heart out to the elder brother!!! i swear to god ive never felt so fucking seen#your honor! shes just like me fr!#i even get to the point where like#i find it strange that so many people think Brienne's whole thing is like amazing revolutionary characterisation written by gurm#when like these feelings of Brienne's are literally my whole entire life experience?#so her complicated relationship to her gender actually really doesnt feel very out-there or revolutionary to me??#cause its literally almost all of my own gender feelings/memories!! on paper!!#i probably might sound like a smug asshole saying that - i hope you see what i mean?? no idea if anyone else feels the same way#i probably sound like one of those weirdos whos obsessed with patrick bateman lol i promise its not like that#i just love the characters of brienne samwell arya tyrion bran sansa joncon etc etc etc theyre so so so important and special to me.#this goddamn book series man#to think i almost didnt even get into it. like i got so close to never picking up the books at all lol#i only looked into ASOIAF in the first place cause someone got my name mixed up with one of the characters lol#if not for that i might never have read it!!#real talk though im fr worried that Brienne might not survive the series#even if she doesnt though itll still all be worth it just to know her and see her in action.#a true knight fighting for whats right! no chance and no fuckin' choice baby!!!#so even if she does die defending jaime from the brotherhood or die in the long night or whatever#it will ALL be worth it. “Men's lives have meaning not their deaths."#if brienne does die in book 6 or 7 i fully trust gurm to give her the most fitting possible death for her character arc.#Doesn't mean i wont cry for weeks!!!! But still!! 100% trust in gurm that he'll deliver excellent beautiful closure for her story.#My dream is that brienne will end up making the best sweetest most wholesome sisterly friendship ever with Sansa Arya Jeyne Poole etc#and in the end she lives happily ever after in winterfell with the stark girlies their brothers and assorted friendos. And Pod of course!
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i miss being a construction worker cause honestly a lot of my time on the job i wouldnt do anything LOL but i do genuinely also miss like. the job itself. i miss how a lot of my work revolved around going into empty buildings and go anywhere inside of them. fix them nicely ... whenever there's construction work in the offices and bathrooms and stuff it makes my heart hurt so badly. i love getting glimpses of the utility closets. i always felt like a fly on the wall maintaining an office or building but not really being APART of the culture inside of it yannow. being there transiently
#i try and say things to the custodians and the construction workers that always made my heart sing to hear#and now out of all the people who work in my building a lot of them recognize me and say hi to me specifically lol#i still remember the man who stopped while i was painting the door and said ''thank you for making our office more beautiful''#i still think about that man ... the color i was painting was atrocious honestly LOL but he was so nice to me ..#its funny how much of my assumptions on supervisors and managers and office work turned out to be true#not that im an office worker now#but i work for the people who work in the offices LOL. and ..... yeah ...#but i always felt a kinship with factory workers and warehouse workers too#but i miss being a fly on the wall. i miss maintaining a building lovingly#i miss seeing these secret intricacies of the buildings. of the world#every time i get a glimpse behind a ceiling tile .. i love to see it ... i miss working in it ...#it was painful and tiresome and really worked my shit out differently#but i miss it ....#im glad i have that skill now. i like how i know HOW to patch walls and paint and sand and install shit and everything like that yannow#but i miss how i used to see the world. now my everyday is sort of soulsucking#i hate my job........ with construction work i felt some sense of love about it. some sense of DOING something real#what im doing now doesnt apply to ANYTHING .... its so STUPID#im filled with USELESS knowledge on something so specific its like worthless outside of here#construction skills are like some home ec shit u just like can use in your everyday life#what im doing is like. like its REAL right but its like. REAL STUPID also#i know its not like completely nothing and im learning valuable shit in there right. in SOME way. but god does it feel DUMB .......
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I need to talk about this because it's making me feel insane.
Last week, my white leftist goyisch friends sat me, a wholeass antizionist Jew, down for a "talk" because they "needed to check in about Palestine" and make sure "our values aligned before we hung out again". They apparently needed to "suss out" where I stood on Palestinian rights, despite having had several conversations about Palestine and them being some of my closest friends. They needed to check, to search for and uncover my true values, because I had said some "disturbing things" that had made them "suspicious".
Disturbing things included:
Supporting IfNotNow which is a "liberal zionist organization" because it normalizes Jewish heritage in the Levant
Not bringing Palestine up enough, despite them also not bringing it up (this was apparently a test)
Mentioning that the Houthi's flag talks about cursing all Jews
Saying Stalin was antisemitic because of the "all the paw-grihms"
...and apparently other things they wouldn't specify, but had been tracking for months.
To clarify, I am an antizionist Jew from three generations of antizionist Jews. I have been vocal in my support of Palestinian liberation and in my condemnation both of Israel's actions and its violent founding as a state, and of zionism in many of its forms. I am a regular donor to Palestinian and Jewish NGOs and advocate for Jewish antizionism in person, at temple, and online. I have been talking about Palestinian liberation before they could point to Gaza on a map. But they needed to make sure, they needed to "suss out", they needed to check. And it's notable that the majority of moments that made them suspicious of me were times where I talked about antisemitism: not about Palestinian liberation, not about Israeli decolonization, not about anything actually relevant to Palestine. It was talking about antisemitism that made them check to see if I was a cryptozionist.
One of the most pervasive and insidious forms of antisemitism is the idea that Jews are inherently untrustworthy and suspicious. You have to constantly be on guard, track what they say and do, "suss out" the real truth. You have to keep them in line and and watch them carefully because they're liars and sneaks, and if you're not looking closely they'll return to their real values (and drag you down with them). This is where the idea of "cryptozionist" comes from and what it's directly building off of: the inherent untrustworthiness of Jews and the need to check. Because no matter how close you become you can't actually trust them, and any upstanding gentile should make sure to avoid associating with Jews before "sussing out" their real allegiances and intentions. You have to make them turn out their pockets, just in case.
I'm the first and only Jew they actually were friends with; I know because they've told me (strangely proud of it in the way white Americans are proud of that kind of thing). They've asked me questions about Judaism and fawned over how beautiful and unique it was for me to be connected to my community and culture. Pre-October 7th, one of them had even mentioned being interested in coming to services at my temple. She still has my copy of our siddur. But now she needed to "check" before she could be seen with me in public. Which is what it was: it wasn't a "you're my friend and I need to give you some feedback because you're fucking up" kind of intervention (which is normal and important to have), it was a trial. It was a last chance for me to prove to them that I'm clean-enough that they could afford to risk being seen with me in public, just in case someone noticed them fraternizing with a hypothetical Enemy and their leftism was compromised. It was a test to make sure that I behave properly when required to, that I'd play along and do what I'm told and turn out my pockets if asked (because any refusal would validate the notion of having something to hide). And above all it was an opportunity for them to reaffirm their own cleanliness by putting my imagined immorality in its place.
I did what I needed to do: I smiled. I apologized. I "didn't know that". I "appreciated the feedback". I turned out my pockets because what else could I do? They'd decided who I was and what I believed, regardless of what I said or did, so there was no point in explaining that they were wrong about me. If I had told them they were being antisemitic, it would just have been proof that they were right. Caring about antisemitism is a dogwhistle in the spaces they've chosen: it's not a real form of oppression, it's a tactic for sneaky, lying Jews to weasel out of admitting their true alliances. There was nothing I could say.
Nothing's really changed for me. I'm going to continue my activism for Palestinian liberation rooted in my culture and my faith. Antizionism is still not antisemitism. But I got a reminder that many white goyisch leftists fundamentally just don't trust Jews, and that the activist spaces they're in not only exacerbate their antisemitism in an increasingly insular echo chamber, but also allow them to finally vent their internalized bigotry in a socially-acceptable way. In my former friends' eyes, what they did was activism—disavowing a Jew (and making me feel humiliated, scared, and unclean in the process) as a cathartic stand-in for doing fucking anything for actual Palestinian liberation—but for me it was a grief that I'll be feeling for a long time: not only over losing friends I loved and trusted, but also over my sense of belonging and security in leftist spaces.
#jumblr#I need to talk about this because I feel like I'm losing it a little#its incredibly disconcerting to have this come out of nowhere from people I trusted and it's hard to not blame myself somehow#antizionism#antizionist jew#judaism#jewish#jew#jewblr#leftist#leftism#leftist antisemitism#antisemitism#Palestine#Israel#again to reiterate: I am just as committed to Palestinian liberation as ever and antizionism is still not antisemitism#but fuck do some leftists put in the legwork to making it seem like it is huh#free Palestine
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LOVE IS REAL is a simple three word statement but can be pulled apart in infinite ways. it is on my mask, and when buckaroos ask me why, my most common response is 'what else is there?' weve been blessed with a moment to exist and we try on other ideas, but in the end, love is what holds substance
could have said 'love is good' or 'love wins' or 'love is love' and these are all fine ideas i suppose, but TO ME it is kind of burying to lede. for any of these to be true, we are assuming that LOVE EXISTS and the implications of that are so mind bending and powerful that i think its all i need
the grand cosmic curve of existence always bends towards love. it takes some LONG DETOURS thats for dang sure, and theres plenty of turbulence, but what strikes me is that for some reason the finger of fate is out there pressing the scale and THAT IS WILD. THAT IS BEAUTIFUL. THAT IS ALL THERE IS.
some may think this is an inherently religious argument and it is not, unless you want it to be. personally i am not a religious bud, i just see the way that posturing alpha goofs say that violence and hate wins, then i look at nature and see community and grace and love eventually rise to the top
i see the nature of all things pushing back against the endless void, filling it with creation and existence, which thrives on community and love. a big bang filling the empty. mold working together to crawl across stone. fish swimming in a school. humans building a community center. TIME ITSELF
so i think to myself ‘go wild discussing what love is or how to make the most of it' and thats a great talk to have. THATS IMPORTANT. getting out and helping and PROVING LOVE is to wield the power of the universe. but the thing i want on my forehead is the basic level, the square one: LOVE EXISTS
yes, the times undulate between easy breezy and ULTIMATE HELLSCAPE. do not forget this. fight against it. but if you are ever exhausted and you wonder, why am i here? why am i existing? does this matter? remember that LOVE IS REAL and by simply existing you are hoisting the flag of love. WAVE IT
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