#and whenever he said tess in the last of us 10 years into my life was added

[farfromtommy]

world’s best surprise PART 2 // dad!Tom Holland x Reader

A/N: part 2 bc lots of you asked for it. dad!tom makes me soft. hope you all enjoy reading this, I loved writing it :))))) I did not proof read/ edit it bc its 3am and I have to be up in 3 hrs and really need to sleep oops

A/N 2: THIS VERSION IS A REWRITE PLS ENJOY <3

summary: y/n goes into labor 

warning: swearing, childbirth, fluff 

word count: 3,330

requests are open!!!!!

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PART 1 

not my gif

Everyone you talked to and everything you read always said pregnancy was the most beautiful thing that could happen. That it was magical and amazing. You felt that way after the morning sickness had subsided and you felt the “pregnancy glow” everyone talked about. But now at 36 almost 37 weeks, you were absolutely over it. 

It was a Friday night and instead of going out and enjoying the last few weeks before the baby arrived, you were on the couch eating ice cream and watching tv. You put your feet up on the coffee table and rested your bowl on your stomach looking for something to watch.

You started your maternity leave when you hit 32 weeks. Nobody told you how boring it was going to be just sitting around waiting for your baby to come. Most days were spent lounging around your new house. 

You and Tom had finally moved into your new house and you spent most of your day unpacking and getting the nursery ready for the baby who could make an appearance any day. You finished organizing all of his clothes and basic necessities. Although your baby would be spending time in your bedroom for a little while, you still wanted his nursery to be perfect. 

You laid back, still using the top of your stomach as a table, and began watching a movie that had piqued your interest. You were about 15 minutes into it when you heard keys jingle and the lock turning. You looked over just as Tom walked in, looking beat and exhausted. He had been trying to finish the last few things he needed to do before the baby arrived so he could take time off to care for you and his newborn. 

He set his things down and kicked off his shoes. He walked over to where you were sitting and as soon as he saw you, everything negative in his body seemed to melt away. 

“I want to take you out somewhere. You can pick the place. I just need to take you out somewhere and show you off.” Tom smiled at you as he leaned over the back of the couch. You twisted your head to look at him and saw the wide grin he had on his face. 

“Is that so? Well you’re pulling me away from my ice cream and a movie, so it better be worth it.” You smiled back. He walked around to the front of the couch to stand in front of you. He leaned down and placed a sweet kiss to your lips. He moved your ice cream bowl, and grabbed your hands to help you stand up. You moved your legs from the coffee table and placed them on the ground, allowing Tom to help you up. 

~

You both sat there in the restaurant taking in the wonderful time you were both having. You were talking about everything and anything that came to your mind. Tom seemed fidgety and nervous towards the end of dessert. You finished your cheesecake and wiped the corner of your mouth. 

You took a deep breath and leaned back in your chair, you were absolutely stuffed to the brim with the decadent meal you just had. There was honestly not that much room left in your stomach but you always managed to throw down some cheesecake. Tom took the bill and you two were heading out the door when he suggested taking a little walk to the park about a block from the restaurant. 

“It’s a beautiful night, it would be a shame if we didn’t take advantage of it.” He grabbed your hand and led you towards the park. A few minutes later you made it to the park and saw a bench that overlooked the whole thing. Tom saw your gaze fall on the bench and chuckled to himself. 

He sat down next to you and let one of his arms fall behind your shoulders and the other rested on your stomach. He moved it around until he felt what he was waiting for. The baby seemed to know whenever it was Tom touching your stomach and almost immediately would respond by kicking as hard as they possibly could. 

“I don’t think that’s ever going to get old.” He said, looking at your bump lovingly. You rested your head on his shoulder and just watched the interaction he was having with your baby. 

“Seeing how excited you get when they kick makes the tiny feet in my ribs worth it.” You said to him. He snorted and pressed a kiss to your hairline. He shifted on the bench a little, allowing you to lean into his body more. As sneakily as he could, Tom reached into the pocket of the jean jacket he was wearing and pulled out what he had been holding onto all night. 

He kept it closed in his fist and moved it out in front of you. He kissed your cheek to get your attention and moved it closer to you. You turned over his fist and he opened up his fingers to reveal a diamond ring resting in his palm. A gasp left your mouth and you turned around and looked him in the eye. 

“I’ve been thinking about what I want to say to you when I propose for years, probably since we got together. I never want to leave your side for as long as I’m alive. I look at you and all I can think about is the family we’re about to start and how badly I want to keep making babies with you. This is the life I’ve dreamed of having, and it’s not a dream anymore. I love you so much, Y/N. I want to marry the shit out of you. So, will you marry me?” He said in a quiet voice, his eyes darting across your face. 

The only word you managed to get out was ‘Yes’ before the tears fell down your face and you wrapped your arms around Tom. You felt him sigh a breath of relief and embraced you as close as he could. You sobbed into his shoulders as he placed kisses into your neck. He pulled back and grabbed your left hand so he could slide the ring onto your finger. The second it was on he brought it to his lips and kissed your knuckles. 

~ 

When you got home neither of you were ready to turn in for the night, opting to get comfortable on the couch.  You and Tom were cuddled up on the couch watching some action movie when you both started to fall asleep. Tessa was sitting at the other end of the couch, loving the company. 

He had you wrapped in his arms and laid between his legs with your back against his chest, your hands resting on your bump, you used his biceps as a pillow and just let your eyes close. You loved falling asleep wrapped in his arms, it’s where you felt safest. 

You were woken up from your deep slumber by a sharp pain radiating from your stomach. Your doctor said it was normal to feel cramping, as your body was getting ready for birth, but this was different. It was worse than anything you had felt. Refusing to let the panic set in, you just sat there trying to calm down. 

You stayed awake for a little bit, wanting to see if it happened again. You and Tom were still tangled on the couch and Tessa still asleep at your feet. You gasped quietly as you felt another sharp pain in the same spot about 10 minutes later, waking up Tessa in the process. She looked at you and started whining. You shushed her as you felt Tom stir from behind you.

“Tess shh ‘m tryin’ to sleep.” Tom mumbled from behind you and shifted a little, trying to go back to sleep. He tightened his grip on your body as he started to fall asleep. 

“Tom, s-something’s wrong. I’m h-having these pains in my stomach. I haven’t felt this b-before.” You stuttered out. Tom’s eyes shot open and he saw the panic spread across your face. He helped you sit up and kneeled in front of you. 

“Let’s just try and stay calm, yeah? Doctor said to get you in a tub with warm water to relax your body. Wanna try that before we call her?” He said in a low voice, trying to keep you calm. You nodded frantically before he stood up and helped you to the master bathroom. 

He helped you out of your clothes and into the tub. You sat there for a while, letting the warm water wrap around your body. Tom sat there next to you, running his hand up and down your back to help you relax. He whispered words of encouragement as you gripped the sides of the tub. 

After about 20 minutes in the tub you hadn’t felt any pains again. You drained the tub and with Tom’s help you started to stand up. When you were out of the tub and wrapped in your fluffy robe, you felt a huge amount of pressure in your stomach drop, and then a gush of liquid come out from between your legs. You gasped and grabbed the nearest surface to try and steady yourself. Tom looked over to you in panic and just stood there, waiting for you to say something.

“I think that was my water, we should probably go to the hospital.” You squeaked and looked up at Tom. He just stared at you with wide eyes until he processed what you had said. 

You were waiting in the living room as Tom frantically ran around your house, trying to get everything you had gotten ready to take to the hospital. The carseat was installed last week, your bags were in the trunk, Tom’s mom was on her way to pick up Tessa and take her back to her house, and your doctor had been called and was going to meet you at the hospital. You were standing by the door with your hand on the wall, trying to steady yourself as your contractions started to come in. 

“Tom can we PLEASE go, we need to go!” You said to him as you saw his whip down the stairs and into the living room. “Yes, love! Let’s go, I have everything.” He said as he ran to the door. He helped you into the car and made sure you were as comfortable as you could be and you made your way to the hospital in record time. You were in your hospital room getting checked by your doctor within 30 minutes of your water breaking. 

The epidural was working wonders after what felt like the millionth hour of being in labor. Only at 6 centimeters dilated, you and Tom were in for a treat for the next couple of hours. He had asked if the lights could be dimmed in your room so you could try and relax as much as possible. His hands were pressing into your lower back as you laid on your side to try and release some of the tension you were holding there. 

“You’re being awfully quiet, Tom. What’s going on in that head of yours?” You whispered, turning your head to look behind you. 

“‘m sorry lovey. I’m feeling a bit scared and overwhelmed but this is about you and the little one, so don’t worry about me.” He spoke truthfully. You motioned for him to help you turn to your other side. He quickly stood and maneuvered your body to a new position. He sat in his chair again and you placed your hand against his cheek. He immediately leaned into your touch and shut his eyes. 

“It’s okay to be scared right now, Tommy. I’m terrified, if I’m being honest. But we’re going to meet our baby today, just try and think about how excited we’ve been. Everything is going to be okay.” He smiled at your words. You always knew how to talk him down when he was feeling anxious about something. 

“We’re about to become parents. How crazy is that?” You chuckled. He opened his eyes and let a grin take over his face. 

“The craziest.” He whispered, moving closer to you. He planted kisses all over your face and hugged you as best 

~

“One more push Y/N and they’ll be out!” The doctor said as you started to push again. A few seconds later you felt an immense amount of pressure shoot out of your body and as you looked down you saw your baby in the hands of your doctor. They were placed onto your bare chest as they wailed out. 

You were there in disbelief as your baby was just placed onto your chest. You couldn’t believe They were here. They were being cleaned up as you just stared in wonder. Not even realizing you were crying, Tom wiped more tears off your face and planted a kiss on your forehead. 

“Go ahead and check and see what it is.” A nurse said as they continued to wipe the baby down. You looked at Tom as you looked to see what gender your baby is. 

“It’s a boy! Tommy, we have a son.” You cried out, tears still streaming down your face. 

“He’s perfect Y/N, oh my god. Just absolutely perfect.” Tom said with amazement in his eyes. You looked at the way he admired his son and how nothing else seemed to matter anymore. 

“We gotta have more Tom, we have to.” You sobbed out, running your hands along your son’s body. All the nurses and your doctor laughed at what you said. The nurse cleaning him up said it’s not the first thing mom’s say after going through labor. Tom just agreed with you and kept wiping the tears off your face. 

You three were the only people in the world. It was perfect. Tom cut the umbilical cord and just watched in pure shock as the nurses did all his measurements and wrapped him in a blanket. They handed him to Tom and you could see how tense he was as they placed your son into his arms, but almost immediately relaxed. 

He walked over to your bed and sat on the edge of it. You moved over as much as you could and watched your son in the arms of your fiancé. You ran your finger along his cheek and couldn’t take your eyes off of him. 

“Hey mate, happy birthday.” Tom whispered when your son opened his eyes. You looked up at Tom and saw the tears forming on his lash line. Tom brought him closer to his face and placed his forehead against the baby’s. It took everything in you to not lose your shit. 

~

“My goodness, Y/N. He is so beautiful.” Nikki whispered as she held her grandson. Dom was standing right behind her looking at the new addition. 

“He looks a bit like Tom did, don’t he?” Dom asked. All Nikki could do was nod and continue staring at him. Tom had left the room to get his brothers and Harrison from the waiting room so they could have their introduction.

Tom knocked on the door lightly before pushing it open with a herd of people behind him. Harrison was the first to lay his eyes on the baby and all the air seemed to leave his body. Tom’s brothers all walked in and had the same reaction to seeing their nephew.

“Bloody hell, he looks exactly like Tom.” Sam managed to get out, moving to get a proper look at him. Nikki turned a bit to move to the center of the group of the boys. Harrison was the first to reach out to hold him. He looked up to you to make sure it was okay and after you gave him a nod, he carefully took the baby.

“I’m going to implode if you don’t tell us what his name is already.” Harry looked up at you and Tom waiting for one of you to say something. You looked over at Tom motioned for him to get on with it. He walked over to Harrison and rubbed his hand along the top of the baby’s head. 

“This is Oliver Thomas Holland.” Tom announced to the room. You smiled as everyone looked over at him. Oliver began to fuss a little bit in Harrison’s arms and he started to panic, looking to Tom for help. Tom laughed at his friend not knowing what to do with the squirming baby. 

“He’s probably hungry. I’ll take him, just hand me that blanket. You guys can stay in here, if you want.” You stretched your arms out and had the baby passed to you. Adjusting your hospital gown, the baby and the blanket, you managed to get Oliver eating without flashing anyone. 

Everyone found a spot in the room and just started conversations with each other. Tom looked under the blanket a couple times just to admire the love of his life feeding his son. Nikki had asked about the IV in your left hand and you lifted it up to show her, forgetting about the extra piece of jewelry you had on your finger. 

“Is that an engagement ring?!” She slapped her hand over her mouth, realizing she may have been a little too loud. Everyone stopped and looked at you. You sheepishly smiled and looked over at Tom. 

Harry walked over to Tom and slapped a hand on his back, congratulating him. Of course he had told Sam, Harry, and Harrison that he was planning on proposing. Nikki started crying and continued looking at your ring. She hugged you as best as she could with the baby in your arms. 

~

Adjusting to life as parents wasn’t easy. Ollie had decided against sleeping and was up every 2 hours screaming, needing attention from his parents. You wouldn’t trade it for anything, though. The middle of the night feedings and diaper changes made the time you spent with him during the day worth it. 

Watching your son start to get a grasp on life and exploring this new world he was in was amazing. Most of your day was spent on the couch with your little one in your arms, or watching Tom interact with him. Tom was super excited when the labor and delivery nurses had encouraged him to continue doing skin to skin at home. 

Breaking the news to Tom’s fans about the new member of your family was almost as scary as him announcing he was dating you. Tom’s instagram feed was filled with pictures of you, so the fans were very aware of your relationship. You had gone to all his premieres and were always spotted in public with him. Luckily, you managed to avoid the public finding out about your pregnancy. 

Tom had agreed with you about keeping Ollie out of the public eye, not wanting his pictures being exploited. You agreed to one instagram post. Tom’s fans were so important to him, and he wanted to include them in the excitement of having a new addition. 

He had Harry come over to your house to take a few pictures. The one you had approved for instagram was of you, Tom and Ollie on the couch. You held Ollie close to your chest, turning his head so it wasn’t visible. Tessa was sitting right next to you looking into the camera and Tom next to Tessa, looking over at you and Ollie. 

Harry had found a shirt for Tessa online that said ‘World’s Best Big Sister’ and decided it was very appropriate for the occasion. Tom posted the photo to his instagram with the caption --

Tessa is very excited to tell the world about her baby brother. Y/N and I welcomed a baby boy into our lives a few weeks ago. We’re both so overwhelmed with love and joy and are loving this new chapter of our lives. I will be taking time off from filming to be with my son and fiancée, but you will see some more from me in the not so distant future. Thank you everyone for your love and support. #BabyHolland 

---

For everyone who wanted a part 2!!!

@ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark @crazy12cinemas @xoluvx @afictionaladventure16 @fab-notfat @tomscuddle 

[do-what-the-knight-tells-you]

Broadchurch: the short story collections. Part 1

Available over here.

The first book contains four short stories, all of which take place before S2, so if you want to read this, it might be nice before re-watching S2.

1- “The End Is Where it Begins”, Ellie, After S1: how she comes to transfer precints and end up as the traffic cop we see in S02E01.

2- “The Letter”, Maggie, a few days before S2: STruggles with Echo finances, works on a story, thinks about resigning.

3- “Old Friends”, Jocelyn, 10-20 years before S1: insight into her past, her career, her character, Jack Marshall, and what was going on in town around the time Danny and Tom were born.

4- “Over the Side”, Tess, months before S1 (three days into the Sandbrook case): a twenty-four hour window into that case, her perspective on the case, her affair, and Alec’s behavior/character/etc at that time. This is the night Pippa’s body is found, from her perspective.

I’ve included summaries, my notes, excerpts, and other Things Of Interest under the readmore. this book was interesting, short, and very worth the read, for me!

1. Ellie- Between S1 and S2.

“Going back into uniform was Ellie's choice, but it usually means demotion. It’s shorthand for disgrace. As far as Ellie is concerned, the uniform helps. Her collar and cravat help her hold he head up high, and she walks easily in regulation flat shoes. This is a move sideways,  not downward; she’s still a Sergeant. Her salary stays the same, and that’s important. Ellie’s staring down the barrel of single parenthood, paying for the childcare Joe used to do for free. Resigning would mean sacrificing her pension, and with a good fifteen years of service left in her, that’s not an option. “But there’s more to it than the money. It doesn’t feel right to go back into CID until Joe’s been sentenced. She’s never told anyone this, but it feels like that way, she’ll be able to put Danny behind her. But going into uniform, that felt right. Ellie understands now what Hardy meant about atonement. [Look! Thinking about him!] by serving another community, she can atone for what Joe did to her own. Leaving the force, taking a sabbatical, all the other things tat people told her to do: none of these was an option. This move is, above all else, a massive /fuck you/ to Joe.  Fifteen years, Ellie's been on the force. When he took Danny’s life, he took Ellie's best friend, their community, and her eldest son. She will not let him have her career as well.”

And in the car with her new loudmouth partner: “after ten minutes she finds herself yearning for Alec Hardy’s brooding and sulks. At least he was quiet. She wonders where Hardy is now: under a doctor’s observation somewhere, she hopes, contemplating the salvage of his own career from the confines of a hospital bed.”

In general her new partner is a bit of a sexist good-old-boy who thinks the problem with youth today is the welfare state... She thinks the problem is lack of outreach and enrichment. She is struggling to get everything in line in her life.

Tom’s voice breaks while they are separated. And her heart breaks to have missed that.

She successfully overrides her partner, follows her instincts, and saves a family, some kids, from a domestic situ while on the job… and then falls to fucking pieces after. Realizes she doesn’t have the emotional fortitude to handle cases without breaking, right now. Calls in sick, and then transfers to traffic.  “She is bitterly aware of the irony that while she has gained her colleagues’ respect, she now understands that she doesn’t deserve it. It’s either this or leave the force, and then Joe’s won. She is hanging onto her career by her fingernails, marking time until his plea next week. “Ellie has always prided herself on putting people before anything else but life as a black rat is about enforcing the letter of the law, or rather its numbers. She’s reduced to the digits and codes of traffic policing: stopping distances, speed limits, milligrams of alcohol and penalty points. Even her fellow traffic officers, infamous for their pedantry, started calling her robocop after he first shift. “Inside Ellie's locker, there’s a photograph of Tom and Fred before the blast. She marks a tally on the picture’s white border, inky scratches in the gloss, to count down the days until Joe stands in the dock at Wessex County court and says the magic word that will give her back her son.”

Aw hell, Ellie.

2- Maggie- A few days before S2 begins. 

Budget cuts are crippling the Echo. Finally, she is ready to submit her resignation in protest, but a story she runs down locally (to do with land use, and, eventually, marijuana), turns out to be leveragable to do some good in town, force some good change, and she figures that's still worth doing, so she'll hang in a little longer.

No mention of Lil, so, still not sure when they broke up/if they are split... oh, and a passing mention of Jocelyn's home. Just, that it is there.

3- Jocelyn- Her story is set farther back, but is fascinating. It's set partially at least twenty, twenty five years pre-S1, and then partially right around the time that Danny Latimer was born. 

It's a little window into who Jocelyn was at that time and what she did. Talks about her outlook on her career, her relationship with her mother, her habit of spending no more than four bank holidays a year in Broadchurch, and staying in London, her preference, her work, the rest of the time.

Also, it turns out she represented Jack Marshall and convinced him to plead guilty so that he would get a shorter jail sentence and get back to the Rowena faster, which he did, and then married her.

Jocelyn was quite reserved even then, but they kept in touch and Jack confided in her after the accident that took his son's life and caused their split, that he needed a new place to go... She suggested Broadchurch because she knew the newsstand was up for sale.

The last scene of the short story is her visiting him at the newsstand. She's noticed her vision is starting to go, she's watching the Latimers with their three-day-old baby boy walk along the beach.

There are references to lots of things and folks there in town, throughout the story, the sea brigade, Oliver, the fact that she's lost touch with Maggie long since and she's a bit grateful for that because otherwise Maggie would surely have sniffed out her connection to Jack and outed Jack's past to everyone. Oh, and Ellie is 10 days overdue and fit to burst with Tom and so Beth (Beth and Ellie had become friends in their pre/antenatal classes) had been dropping by with Danny over there, hoping that holding Danny would maybe induce labor.

... and finally.

4- Tess- Day 3 of the Sandbrook case, well before S1

I didn't look ahead, I totally had no idea that this was coming. But this is Tess' side of a 24-hour period from the Sandbrook case. I'm going to sum some of it, and then I'm probably just going to end up posting big chunks of it. Or you can go read it yourself. That's good too. XD

It's April 2012, day 3 after the Sandbrook girls disappear. She and the other DS she's cheating with were getting it on, for what was clearly not the first time, in the backseat of his car. Made a comment about the fact it next time they would take it back to the hotel, doing it in the car was foolish and uncomfortable. Which also seems to imply that this is a regular thing. Tess thinks a bit on the fact that Dave is present with her in a way Alec isn't, though she feels guilty about all of it.

The cheating is a release for her, like other people might smoke a cigarette or go for a run. She knows Alec is really struggling with how close in age Pippa is to Daisy. 

"Alec works sixteen-hour days, forgets to eat, and gets angry. She hasn’t seen him since they got the shout two days ago. He’s sleeping on the sofa in his office, if he’s sleeping at all. At least Tess got four hours in her own bed last night and a shower in her own bathroom. Daisy was staying with a friend; Tess and Alec rely a lot on the generosity of friends’ parents in the first few chaotic days of a case. The house was too quiet this morning. It’s strange; Alec can stay away for days and Tess feels nothing but relief, but Daisy sleeping somewhere else feels wrong."

Tess knows what Alec is like on these cases. Her affair with what's-his-face went on much longer than the case itself. I’d guess months, at least, prior to this story.

"She hasn’t seen Alec since last night. Tess hopes he’s not in the office. The chances are small; as Senior Investigating Officer, he likes to work the field as much as possible. They used to work so well together – professionally, at least, she’s never been more compatible with another officer, and that includes Dave – but at the moment she can’t concentrate if Alec’s even in the same building. Dave sits opposite her at work, and Alec’s got the corner office just behind them. Every time he walks past, she shrivels with guilt and with contempt for her husband. Guilt over the adultery, contempt that Alec can’t see it.

[Lends more weight to Hardy’s perception of the affair, as we saw it in the S1 novelization-- namely that it was shameful, that he felt ashamed to have been cheated on. I bet she says/said something nasty, along these lines, and he internalizes it]

“If she and Dave so much as brushed past each other at a crime scene, he’d notice. That’s the problem in a nutshell: the tunnel vision that makes him a brilliant detective means he hasn’t seen Tess – really seen her – in years."

[Oh God, I see where this is going. This is the night he finds Pippa, isn't it?]

‘Where’s Alec?’ Tess asks Chrissie, a fellow DS who’s already got three empty mugs on her desk. Chrissie creases her brow. As always, whenever Tess refers to her husband by his first name, it takes her colleague a few seconds to get who she means. But what else can she call him? She can’t call him Hardy and she’s damned if she’ll call him the boss or the guvnor.

[”Guvnor”? is this a British thing, or personal nickname? if the latter, Ellie would laugh herself sick over it, if she ever found out.]

“Chrissie checks a memo on her screen. 

“‘He’s overseeing a fingertip search of the river Sandbrook.’ 

“‘The Sandbrook?’ echoes Tess. It’s right on the edge of their patch, a slow-flowing river with great stretches straying miles from the nearest road and barely accessible on foot. ‘On what basis?’ 

“‘On the basis of it’s the only open space left on our ground that we haven’t covered, and there’s still no trace of either girl,’ says Chrissie grimly, her eyes travelling to the clock. Tess flinches at the reminder of how far behind they are, and boots up her computer, not wanting to waste another minute. When Dave comes in, she looks up with a cool hello...”

She thinks about potential leads in the case, she interacts with Dave a little bit, mostly through facial expressions. And then

“Tess is giving Dave one more warning look when his phone rings. His face loses its colour as he listens; Tess pulls out her earplugs but the call is already over. 

“‘That was the boss,’ says Dave, pushing his chair away from his desk, car keys in hand. ‘They’ve found the body of a young girl in the Sandbrook.’ 

“South Mercia University Hospital is across the dual carriageway from the police station, eight storeys of white concrete and foggy windows. 

“‘I knew it’d be murder,’ says Dave, as they get into a lift marked STAFF ONLY. ‘I knew from the first shout, but it doesn’t stop you hoping, does it?’

“‘You always hope,’ says Tess. ‘But I can’t remember hoping like this for a long time.’ Dave reaches for her hand and circles his thumb on her palm. 

“‘You OK, babe?’ His tenderness melts her, but she can only squeeze his fingers in reply. She can’t afford to soften now. The lift spits them out two floors underground and Tess and Dave walk through a dingy yellow corridor lit with flickering strip lights. It is maybe ten degrees colder here than in the station. This is not the way to the viewing room, where victims’ families see their loved ones still beneath a white sheet. This long walk is for the professionals, the dealers in death. There is nothing beautiful down here: a few laundry bags piled in a trolley, a mop and bucket and a yellow CLEANING IN PROGRESS sign. Tess tries very hard not to think about what gets mopped up down here. 

“‘I don’t understand why it’s just the one body,’ she says. ‘Nothing about this case makes sense.’ 

“‘Just the one body so far,’ Dave corrects her. There’s another fire door ahead; he lengthens his stride to open it for her. Tess isn’t used to these little chivalrous touches. She is astonished to find that she quite likes them. 

“‘Did Alec say if he was staying to continue the search?’ 

“‘He pretty much hung up.’ Dave bites his lip. ‘I’m sure he knows, sometimes, the way he talks to me.’ Tess shakes her head. 

“‘That’s how he talks to everyone.’ But she shakes her shoulders, as though to recalibrate her body language, and by the time they get to the end of the corridor, there’s a big space between her and Dave. When – if – they go public, it must be a long, long time after this case has been put to bed. A technician in mint scrubs is waiting behind a glass door; she punches a number into the keypad to let them in. 

“‘Five minutes,’ says the technician. Her voice is steady but she looks like she’s been crying. ‘Dr Kendall’s just preparing her now. You can wait up here.’ 

“Tess and Dave follow the technician on tiptoe up a short flight of stairs. In the viewing gallery, there’s a row of seats, almost like in a cinema, and the blind is down on the panoramic window so it looks like a blank blue screen. There are a handful of flattened paper bags on the table. Waiting for them is Sanjeev, a newish DC. He’s not long out of uniform so he won’t have worked a case like this before. Tess hasn’t spent much time with him, but she knows Alec really rates him. There’s a weird, stale, boggy smell and for a moment Tess retches, thinking it’s the dead-body-rotting smell she dreads so much. It takes her a few seconds to recognise the smell of stagnant river water, and that it’s coming from Sanj. 

“‘Sarge,’ says Sanj to Tess. ‘How comes you’re not upstairs with the boss?’ Tess doesn’t bother to hide her confusion. 

“‘What’s he doing upstairs?’ 

“‘Don’t panic,’ says Sanj. Immediately Tess starts to panic. ‘It’s just a precaution. He got into difficulties in the water.’

“Tess is bewildered. ‘What was he even doing in the water?’ 

“‘He found her,’ says Sanj, dipping his head. ‘Pippa’s body. He carried her out. You know what he’s like, he stalks off on his own, all impatient, no one can ever work fast enough for him. We didn’t even know he’d gone until he’d got her out. He reckons he went under a few times. He took in a lot of water and they’ve got to be careful about it being in his lungs, or Weil’s disease or something.’ Sanj looks down at his feet; he flexes them, and his shoes squelch. Tess is rooted to the spot, horrified at what Alec must have been through today. She is torn. Instinct urges her to go and check on him; after fourteen years of marriage, you can’t just turn off the concern like a tap. But he’ll be in good hands. He probably won’t even want her, he hates being fussed over. And with him indisposed, she’s the senior officer. 

“She’s still debating with herself when the blinds go up and the theatre is revealed in all its spot-lit, chrome glory, and there, splayed on the slab is— Tess’s vision blurs. There’s a whole team of people, but the pathologist and his team, in their scrubs, are reduced to green blobs. Tess can’t look at anything but Pippa Gillespie’s body. It doesn’t look human. It has been completely bloated by the water; her face is swollen and grey, her limbs pasty and distended. Water has matted her hair and dirt outlines her nails. Tess thinks of the picture they have on the board, that perfect little girl, playing tennis, golden skin, long brown hair, and it is all that she can do to stand. She’s seen bodies destroyed by water before, but never one this young. Tears try to push their way out of her eyes but Tess pushes back harder. She’ll cry later, in front of Dave, but she won’t fall apart in public. She gives silent thanks that Pippa can be identified forensically. Her mother will never have to see her like this. 

“She steps up to the microphone, forcing her voice to hold steady. 

“‘DS Tess Henchard,’ she says. ‘Is there anything you can tell us just by looking at her?’ Dr Kendall looks up to the gallery and nods hello. 

“‘Only that she’s been in the water for at least two days.’ There’s a tenderness in his voice at odds with the gleaming surgical instruments in the tray behind him. ‘So that narrows down your time of death, I suppose. As for the cause … I’ll be frank with you, Sergeant. There’s no obvious wound. Water covers death’s tracks. It gets into the body through the orifices and starts decomposing from the inside as well as out. It affects the tox report. We will work quickly, and to the highest standard, but I can’t guarantee that we’ll find the cause of death. Let’s talk in the morning.’ 

“‘Christ.’ She pushes the heels of her hands onto closed eyes, but the image of Pippa’s face is imprinted on the back of her eyelids. She looks to the door; she ought to check on Alec, for form’s sake as much as anything. Dave doesn’t need to be told what she’s thinking. 

“‘I’ve got this,’ he says. ‘You go to him.’ It is possibly the kindest thing anyone’s ever done for her. He places a hand on her arm, a light gesture but it’s not lost on Sanj. Tess notes his double take, then watches as the horror below wipes the suspicion from his mind, for now at least. She leaves Dave and Sanj to watch the post-mortem. 

“In the lift, her legs go. She has pulled herself to her feet by the time she gets to the front desk. The receptionist points her towards Accident and Emergency. Tess concentrates on putting one foot in front of the other, reading the signs, breathing through her mouth, and trying to close her mind’s eye to the sight of Pippa Gillespie’s body, but the image is imprinted on her for ever. Her badge helps her to jump the queue – she can’t help thinking she gets more respect from the triage receptionist as a Detective Sergeant than she would as a wife – but it still takes her the best part of an hour to find out that Alec has discharged himself. She boils with rage – if he’s gone back to the scene with his health in tatters, she’ll kill him. She asks to see the registrar who treated him; another half-hour wait. 

“She calls Daisy, who’s still at Molly’s. They’re lucky she’s popular. If she has dinner with a different friend every night, that can take them ten days into a case. After that, repeat requests usually get awkward. This time, though, everyone knows the case they’re working on. Friends are falling over themselves to have Daisy for the evening, offering sleepovers, weekend shifts, school pickups. ‘Whatever helps you find those girls’ is the phrase they hear again and again. Tess hopes the goodwill continues into the murder inquiry. Lately, she’s been wondering if the hospitality would extend to a single mother trying to juggle shifts around work and a new relationship. 

“‘It’ll be a little while yet,’ says Tess. ‘Home in time to see you to bed, though.’ ‘Have you found her?’ says Daisy. She has become fixated on Pippa Gillespie; she knows they’re the same age, and she can see what the case is already doing to her parents, three days in. Tess feels a pang for the innocent days when Daisy thought that all they did was direct traffic. Tess and Alec naturally never tell Daisy anything before it’s released to the media. ‘Not yet, sweetie,’ she says. ‘Be good for Molly’s mum.’ 

“Eventually, the registrar comes in, a young man smelling of coffee and sweat. There’s a comet of blood on his white coat. ‘Mr Hardy discharged himself against my recommendation,’ he says. ‘I’m telling you because I’m concerned for his health. Physically, he was fine. I mean, the water doesn’t seem to have done any lasting damage. But he’s suffering from acute stress, and there are more tests we’d like to run. With anyone else I’d recommend that he take time off work, but …’ He spreads his hands. Tess doesn’t know whether he’s implying that the case is more important than one man’s health, or whether he’s simply got the measure of Alec already and knows his advice would fall on deaf ears. 

“There’s a voicemail on her phone from Alec’s second in command, DS Beauman, wishing the boss well and telling him that they’ve got SOCO in now. Alec hasn’t gone back to the crime scene. So where is he? Alec is not at home and he’s not answering his phone. Tess sees Daisy off to bed and opens a bottle of red. She searches Google maps on her iPad, scrolling up and down the length of the Sandbrook looking for patterns, clues, inspiration, until she feels dizzy. 

“She calls the incident room; Sanj answers and immediately asks after Alec. So he’s not there. Dave’s working the scene at the Sandbrook; she texts him to see if Alec’s turned up, then again to see if they’ve found anything new. Both questions come back negative. She deletes the message thread out of habit even though this time there’s nothing incriminating. 

“She’s really starting to worry now. This disappearance is completely unprecedented. She pictures him collapsed behind the wheel somewhere en route to the Sandbrook, and she works herself up into a fury. For all his dedication to his job, he neglects what ought to be his number one priority: making sure he’s in good enough health to do it. There’s real fear under her concern, though, and she’s about to call the hospital when she hears his car on the driveway. It’s 10 p.m. 

“As his key turns in the door, she’s waiting for him in the hall. The sight of him makes her stagger. He’s wearing a grey tracksuit, the police-station-issue kind they give to people whose clothes have been seized as evidence. The trousers are too short and his ankles are exposed, making him look ridiculous. His hair is plastered down.

“She stopped touching Alec a while ago--”

[Oh god, I remember that comment in the first novelization, that Miller is the first person to take his hand in so long he couldn’t remember...]

“-- it started to feel like betraying Dave-- and he doesn’t seem to have noticed, or to miss it.”

[Oh God.]

“She hesitates before going to hug him, and when she opens her arms, Alec folds his and shakes his head. Dave wouldn’t do this, is her first reflex thought. 

“‘Where’ve you been? she asks. It was supposed to come out concerned but it sounds derogatory.

“Alec pinches the bridge of his nose. He closes his eyes nd lets them stay that way. ‘Driving.’

“It’s five hours since he discharged himself from hospital. The thought of him going round and around the ring road in these clothes tugs at the leftovers of her love.

“‘Oh, Alec. What about your clothes?’

“He nods to a clear plastic bag on the doorstep. INside, weeds are wrapped around clothes so muddied that Tess has to think back to what he was wearing when he left for work this morning. His new blue suit. They’ll have to throw it out. Even if the can get it clean, she knows he’ll never be able to wear it again.

“When he pushes past her into the house, Tess can smell the soap from the police station showers on him.

“‘D’you wan to talk about it?’ She pours Alec the last of the wine. He looks into its dark red surface like he’s seeing through it into something else. 

“’I saw her in the mortuary,’ says Tess, ‘It must have been awful for you.’ Alec doesn’t even blink. Dave or no Dave, Tess recognises a man who needs human touch. She puts her hands on his shoulders. When they first got together, she used to massage his shoulder blades at the end of every day, feeling the knots unravel under her fingers.

[An interesting detail.]

“He used to say she had the magic touch, that no one else could relax him like she did. Now, he shrugs her off.

“‘ I’m going to check on Daisy.’

“Tess follows him upstairs and they stand at Daisy’s open bedroom door for a while. She is asleep under a garland of IKEA fairy lights, watched over by a peeling Taylor Swift poster. The tweenage sneer she wears all day has vanished. Her lips are an open rose; her brow is smooth. The difference between their perfect sleeping daughter and the deformed corpse of Pippa Gillespie hits Tess in the guts.

“‘Is she breathing?’ Alec asks suddenly, an octave higher than his usual register. ‘I can’t see her moving.’ Before Tess understands what’s happening, he’s kneeling at Daisy’s bedside. He used to do this when she was a baby, leap out of bed to check she was still alive. Tess had completely forgotten about it until now.

[That’s interesting, does he have past trauma with stuff like that? seems like he already had dead-kid PTSD BEFORE he went into the river after Pippa Gillespie. poor sucker...]

“’She’s not moving!’ He puts his hands on Daisy’s shoulders.

“’Alec, stop it!’ Tess keeps her voice to a whisper even though his was a shout, but it’s too late, he’s already shaking her awake. Daisy’s body flops, but her eyes snap wide.

“‘Daddy, what are you doing?’ She says, as Alec pulls her into a clumsy embrace and buries his face in her nightie.Tess doesn’t have enough hands as she tries to pull him off and calm Daisy at the same time. 

[LET THE MAN HUG HIS DAUGHTER]

“In the end, she has to tug at the collar of his tracksuit top. The pressure on his windpipe seems to knock the panic out of him, and he lets Daisy go.

“‘Out,’ snarls Tess.

“‘I’m sorry, darling.’ Alec walks backwards towards the door. ‘I just needed to make sure you were OK.’

“It only takes Tess a couple of minutes to soothe Daisy back to sleep; she’s confused rather than frightened, still young enough that a few soft words from her mother can chase the monsters away, and Tess hopes that in the morning they’ll be able to dismiss it as a bad dream. She waits until Daisy’s breathing regulates, tucks a stray lock of hair behind her daughter’s ear, and tiptoes out onto the landing.

“Alec sits in the half-dark like a little boy, his knees pulled up to his chest, leaning against the wall as if he has slid down it. Tess kneels next to him on the carpet. His eyes glitter.

“‘I can still see her face,’ he says. He holds out his arms in front if him, palms upwards, elbows bent. ‘I can still feel the weight of her.’ Tess pulls him against her shoulder; he resists for a moment, then collapses and weeps into her neck. This time when she reaches around and starts to work on the muscles in his shoulders, he lets her. His back feels like a sheet of metal; she keeps going until her fingers ache and she starts to feel bone and sinew under his sweatshirt. 

[How is this man constantly portrayed/described as looking like he is shit warmed over, and yet he is one of the most compelling/interesting/attractive characters Tennant has ever played???]

“When Tess shifts position, Alec seems to gather himself, like he’s let out exactly the amount of emotion that was clouding his judgement, and not a drop more. He doesn’t move his head from her breast, but there’s an edge to his voice that almost thrills her.

“‘We’re no longer dealing with a missing persons inquiry. We know where we stand now. We’ll get this.’ Without warning, he leaps to his feet. ‘We know who we’re dealing with now. A monster, someone who can leave a child to rot in a river.’ He starts to pace, his ridiculous bare ankles going backwards and forwards in Tess’s eyeline. ‘This is what we trained for, isn’t it? to get justice for families like this.’

“His new confidence is infectious. Tess often forgets, in all the frustration of living with Alec, what a brilliant detective he is. Or rather, she forgets why he’s so good at his job. It’s the quality that first attracted her to him, that pure, almost old-fashioned belief that good can vanquish evil.

“He is a good detective because, underneath it all, he is a good man.

“It’s going to make leaving him so much harder.”

...

Ouch.

See you next time!

[wynneinrome]

The Three Musketeers

The First Part: https://wynneinrome.tumblr.com/post/160054874630/the-three-musketeers

Part 2: https://wynneinrome.tumblr.com/post/173369185045/the-three-musketeers

The Full compiled version so you don’t have to search my Tumblr Abyss each time for it: https://www.quotev.com/story/9467766/The-Three-Musketeers

If any of ya’ll know how to make links so I don’t have to copy and past these long-ass thing lemme know.

Tag List: If you want to be added/removed just message me and I will do so!

 @midtownsciencenerd @hollandstarks @cringyholland @takemespidey @harrison-osterfield-appreciation @osterfield @intheheartofpeterparker@intheheartoftomholland @gounderoos @softboyhollands

Chapter 3: Dreams, Ships, and OTP Wars Part 1 and Part 2

Whooooo so sorry for how long this took, as this chapter is hella long, I am going to divide it into parts. Not sure how many, hopefully just two.... But knowing me, it will be more. So the hashtag "littlelexithings", is an actual hashtag, so you can look it up on Instagram and find my muse. Hope you guys like part 1! ON WITH THE CHAPTER!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time I saw Tom and Harrison in the flesh, was about a year or so later…. Haha got you there didn’t I? It was actually only like 6 months later. Not too bad, but it felt like forever. I had wrapped filming on the recent season of Suits and was traveling around the world for a press tour for my novel. I had finally finished it and polished it to the point where not even I could come up with stuff. And I’m a pretty creative kid. But anyway, that is besides the point… I was making a stop in London to do a book signing and to talk more about my next book in progress. I was posting some photos on Instagram, showing the view outside my plane window. The sun was just rising over the clouds, piercing through the darkness and spraying the sky with orange and red hues. I snapped a photo and posted. “Mornings over London. #awesome #beautiful #littlelexithings #sunrise #Icanshowyoutheworld #dontletmemissathing”. I put my phone onto the tray table and sighed. I was practically bubbling over with excitement. I couldn’t wait to see London. Suddenly my phone buzzed. I flinched, the noise sounded twice as loud in the silence of the plane.

“Holy crap…..” I looked down. “Awww Harrison!”

Harrison: “Hey Lexi! Saw your post, glad you’re in London!”

Me: “Do you ever sleep?” Me: “Yeah, I’m doing a book signing here.”

Harrison: “You wrote a book?!” Harrison: “Can I read it?”

Me: “Oh my word… fiiiiiiine.”

Harrison: “Yay!”

Tom: “I don’t mind you two talking…. But in the group chat?! AT 2 IN THE MORNING!”

Me: “Shhhhh Tom. Nobody asked you…. And besides, you could just silence this conversation.” Me: “And besides, you know you love us.”

Tom: “Well since you’re in the area you should come hang!”

Me: “I’m only coming to see Tessa and Monty. You two are just second best.”

Harrison: “Ouch…. I feel  hurt.”

Tom: “My brothers can’t wait to meet the girl that caused the media to explode overnight.”

Harrison: “My sister wants to meet you as well.”

Me: “Well I’d be glad to meet them!”

I smiled to myself. Being on a private jet had its perks. Damian was sleeping across from me. He could sleep in literally any place, but then again so could I. Damian would lecture me for not actually getting a full 8 hours of sleep. But now that I had something to look forward to besides my book signing, I felt like I couldn’t sleep anymore. I had already been sleeping since we left DIA, which was about 4 hours of actual sleep. The flight was about 10 hours long, and I had been awake for too long. I snuggled down into my blankets and tried to get another hour of sleep. I was startled awake by Damian poking my cheek.

“Hey Kiddo, time to get ready.” Damian whispered with a grin. “We’re finally here. Time to get freshened up.”

“What? This “I just was on a plane for 10 hours” look isn’t the new craze?” I grinned, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

Damian rolled his eyes and pulled me up to the makeup kit. “It is time for you to be glammed up honey. No one will ever know you don’t always look like this.” He winked and began his process.

I pulled my hair up into a messy bun and sat down in front of Damian. I pulled out my iPhone and opened my Amazon Music app to pick some songs to play while I waited. I picked Sam Smith’s “Too Good at Goodbyes”.

“And every time you hurt me, the less that I cry. And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry. And every time you walk out, the less I love you. Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true.” I sang in a low voice.  I hated my singing voice, but when I was with friends I couldn’t care less what I sounded like.

“Girl, who are you thinking of?” Damian asked, raising a brow. “Actually I have a hunch of who is on your mind, and it ain’t those pretty British boys.”

I shrugged, “Does it really matter Damian? I mean, I’m always the single friend.” I rolled my shoulders and sat up straight. “Now come on, do what you must so I can talk.”

Damian just shook his head. “Honey, I thought you were over that boy a while ago… I mean he was unattainable then. Why now? Don’t glare at me, it makes creases in your makeup.” Damian lifted my chin. “Now it can’t be that boy you had a crush on in middle school, oh what was his name…. Oh yeah, Michael. Stop looking at me like that Lexi…..” He turned my face to the left. “Now we know it isn’t Sam…. you two are like best friends. Now just between two people.”

I pulled away. “Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it.”

“Those two handsome fellows you worked with….. Oh right, James… and Dorian.” Damian smirked.

I groaned. Damian knew I hadn’t really gotten over James… He just teased me about Dorian, because most of my friends thought we were made for each other. But I could never see myself with anyone. No matter how many love songs I listened to. No matter how many times my friends said “Oh he likes you.”. I couldn’t believe a word they said. Call me a pessimist, but that’s how I made it on a day-to-day basis. I’m always crushing on someone, the length of the crush just varies each time. But there were two boys that caused my heart to stop and then beat twice as fast. First it was my friend Sam, I had a crush on him my senior year of high school. But once I knew he didn’t reciprocate my feelings, I made a point of just being friends. He was my other anchor in the world back home. Then there was James…. Oh boy, sometimes I wish our paths never crossed. I worked with him after I graduated and was trying to finish my book. He was literally my perfect man. We bantered like siblings whenever we were around each other. I had never fully recovered from this crush and my heart was always a little tender when he came up in conversation.

“Too soon?” Damian inquired.

“It will always be too soon.” I replied. “Always.”

Damian shook his head. “When will you get over him? You even told me you knew that relationship was never going to happen, because he was a manager and you were not.”

“I don’t know!” I threw my hands into the air. “Besides, I don’t want to talk about it. I’d rather talk about Tom and Haz. Or my book. Anything but this.”

Damian leaned back and shrugged. “What do you think you’re going to be doing with Tom and Haz? It’s been awhile since you two have talked. And both of you have been busy with auditions and other things in your life.”

It was my turn to shrug. I had no idea. Meanwhile, during Damian and I’s discussion. The plane had begun its descent and landed in London. Thankfully, Damian had finished his work on my face and hadn’t decided to give me a unibrow in sharpie. I grabbed my shoulder bag off my chair and stretched. It was time to get ready to be fabulous. I exited the plane and walked to the taxi, oh excuse me, cab waiting for me. I smiled at the cabbie and slid into the back seat. Damian flopped down beside me and grinned.

“Nothing like sitting in a cab after sitting for 10 hours.” I winked, trying to shove those memories Damian had brought back up to the bottom of my mind bucket.

“Oh yes, I can just feel the joy of my poor, poor legs.” Damian laughed.

I turned my face to the sight of London. It was raining and I was speechless. I love the rain and the way it accents the world around me. Rain seems to wash away the pain and the dirtiness the outside deposits. The drive wasn’t much longer than a half and hour. The hotel I was staying at was a simple place, I chose it because fancy wasn’t my jam. I liked Mom and Pop shops and little restaurants that no one really knows about. Also, the less fancy the joint, the less likely I was to be mobbed by paparazzi. Upon arriving, I unloaded my suitcases and wheeled them to my room. I flopped down on the bed and laid there for a few moments. I hated unpacking. My phone buzzed, so I lazily reached over and pulled it to me. It was a notification from Instagram. I had been tagged in a photo.

“What the….” I muttered, unlocking my phone.

The photo was a post on Tom’s Instagram. It was a picture of him with his dog Tessa with the caption “Can’t wait to see my friend @lexis_scanlan! Tess can’t wait to meet you. #Ihopeyoutookyourallergymeds #longtimenosee #goodtimesontheway”. I smiled and liked the photo. I commented, “SPARE I’m only here for the dog. Not you. Sorry boo.”

I set my phone down and began to pulled my clothes out of my suitcase. I wandering the room deciding where I wanted most of my clothes. It took me about an hour to unpack. I grabbed my bluetooth speaker and began playing my music. I picked Watercolors by Will Jay.

I pulled out my blue romper and began to sing along with the song.

“Darling you're in deep, your skin is covered, Loving me with all my watercolors, But I wash out easily.  All we have is this heat of the moment, Won't last on the high of our emotions, 'Cause I wash out easily. Soon I'll be gone, You don't belong with me.”

I’m the type of person who skips songs so I’d be halfway through a song before I’d pick a new one.

“All you have to do is stay a minute. Just take your time. The clock is ticking, so stay. All you have to do is wait a second. Your hands on mine. The clock is ticking, so stay.  All you have to do is... uh, All you have to do is stay…… Oh na na, just be careful, na na. Love ain't simple, na na. Promise me no promises. Oh na na, just be careful, na na. Love ain't simple, na na. Promise me no promises…...And I'm almost there, I'm almost there. People gonna come here from everywhere! And I'm almost there I'm almost there. There's been trials and tribulations, You know I've had my share. But I've climbed a mountain, I've crossed a river. And I'm almost there I'm almost there I'm almost there!.....Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase. Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze! It means no worries, For the rest of your days. It's our problem-free philosophy. Hakuna Matata!”

Suddenly there was knocking at my door. I stopped putting away my clothes and paused my music. I looked through the peep hole.

“Oh hey Damian…. Am I singing too loud?”

“Uh, kinda… But that’s okay. I was just stopping by to let you know that I’m headed out to meet with Cleo about all the makeup and fashion jazz. She agreed that you could explore. Just don’t get lost and be careful!” Damian said poking my cheek.

“Seriously?!” I took a step back. “That is AWESOME! I could go see Tom and Harrison!”

Damian laughed and shook his head. “Hey Lex don’t forget, you have a book signing tomorrow. And I need you back here way before then.”

“Yes sir!” I nodded, grinning ear to ear.

I turned back into my room and shot a quick text to the boys.

Me: “Hey, I’m free for a few hours. Wanna meet up?”

Tom: “Yas gurl yaaaaaaaaaaas!”

Haz: “What the hell Tom?!” Haz: “Where should we meet you?”

I sent them the address of my hotel and quickly got ready to meet them. I brushed out my now auburn hair and pulled on my jeans and Australia hoodie. I grabbed my dark green purse, grey sweater, room key, and walked out the door. I practically bounced down the stairs to meet them, I have an irrational fear of being in elevators alone. I made it to the entrance and was enveloped into a massive group hug.

“LEXI!!!!!!!” Harrison yelled.

“HARRISON?!!!!!” I shouted back, a bit disoriented and terrified.

“LEXI AND HAZ!!!!” Tom yelled.

“Dude why?” Harrison asked.

“I didn't want to be left out.” Tom replied with a shrug.

“Come on you two! Let's get out of here!” I interrupted them and pulled them out of the hotel lobby.

The sun was shining and there was a rainbow. I was practically beaming, I loved this type of weather. Tom and Harrison walked on either side of me. We walked in silence for a good couple blocks as I took in the sites.

“Wait hold up….. did you two walk here?” I asked.

“Nah…. we drove, but the parking is terrible.” Harrison answered.

“Ah….” I replied, nodding.

I fell back into silence as I gazed up at the London skyline. It was surreal for me. Tom and Harrison lead me to where their car was parked. They drove me out of the city into a more rural area, I was mesmerized by the English countryside. If I had a choice I'd live here.

“You ready to meet Tessa?” Tom asked looking at me in the rear view mirror.

“Uh yes. Why is this a question? You know I love doggos!” I exclaimed.

We arrived soon after. Tom's brother Paddy was outside playing with Tessa. I grinned at the sight of them. I loved people canon in life. Faking it was so painful to observe.

“Hey Tom!’ Paddy shouted, waving and pulling Tessa out of the way.

Tom and Harrison waved back. I shyly waved at Paddy and he smiled brightly my way. Tom parked the car and we all hopped out. Tessa bounded over to Tom and almost took him down.

“Whoa there Tess….” Tom laughed, petting Tessa. “Here girl meet Lexi. She’s a friend of mine.”

Tessa bounced around my legs. I bent down and rubbed her head.

“Well hello there beautiful.” I cooed. “Aren’t you just a sweetheart?”

“Come on Lexi. Sam and Harry want to meet you.” Tom said, pulling me away from Tessa.

“Uh excuse me. I like Tessa better.” I objected with a smirk.

“You haven’t even met them yet!” Tom replied.

“If they’re anything like you….” I mused.

“Oi!” Tom exclaimed swatting my arm.

I laughed and stepped away. “I can tell no lies.”

Before Tom could smack me again, his brothers came outside. Sam and Harry waved and walked over.

“Tom is this the friend you were telling us about?” Sam asked, looking me over.

“Yeah, Sam and Harry meet Lexi.” Tom replied, pointing at each of us in turn.

I grinned at them both, “It’s really nice to finally meet you.”

An awkward silence descended between us, as we had nothing to say. I fiddled with my purity ring nervously. Tessa looked at all of us expectantly, clearly she had no issues with the silence.

I, on the other hand, was internally screaming.

Spending time with Tom’s family wasn’t too awkward once we got to talking. His mom was super nice and asked to take some photos of me and Tom. I agreed, as long as she’d send them to me. They were pretty darn cute, if I do say so myself.

We had gone inside, and were all sprawled around the living room. Tessa was laying with her head on my lap. We were discussing my book and the new film opportunities we were getting. They were all excited about my book and I was equally excited to tell them about my fantasy world that kept me sane. Unfortunately, I got a call from Damian.

“Crap…. It’s Damian.” I sighed. “I need to head back to the hotel.”

When I answered the phone, while walking out with Tom and Harrison, I could hear classical music in the background.

“Damian, are you okay? You don’t usually listen to Mozart.”

“Cleo wants you back. She’s pissed that I let you leave.” Damian replied.

“But didn’t you say that-” I began.

“I freaking lied.” Damian snapped. “Do you really think she’d be nice after these last couple fiascos?!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey now!” I retorted. “Don’t you get all pissy with me son! I thought this was too good to be true! I would’ve just stayed in the hotel if you had told me too! Damian this is all on you!”

“Well sue me you little-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. Don’t you fucking dare.” I growled.

“Just get back.” Damian hung up with a dismissive click.

I exhaled and ran my hands through my hair in exasperation. I knew Cleo agreeing to let me be an average teen was too good to be true.

“Hey Tom?” I finally spoke, breaking the silence in the car. “Is there a faster way to the hotel? My manager has her panties in a twist, and I’d like her and my make-up artist not in a fist fight.”

“Yeah I think so.” Tom said. “I’ll do my best to get you there.”

“Thanks Tom.” I whispered.

I leaned back and sighed. Somethings would just never change and I would just have to get used to it. Right?

Wrong. Oh boy was I wrong.

After Tom and Harrison dropped me off at the hotel, I went in to face the beast. Cleo was standing in my room with her arms crossed, tapping her high-heeled foot. Damian was sitting on the bed looking at his hands.

“Cleo.” I said, looking her up and down. “What do you want?”

“Oh I dunno,” She growled. “You to actually take this job seriously!!!”

“Maybe you need to relax.” I hissed. “You seem to forget, that in this business, people are known for losing their shit. Hopefully, I will never have to show you my dark side.”

“Is that a threat?” Cleo gasped.

“No. It is a warning. A warning you should heed.” I shrugged. “Now is there something important you need to tell me? Or did you just want to try to belittle me? Because if it is the second one, get the hell out.”

Cleo huffed and stormed out, slamming the door behind her. I exhaled the breath I didn’t know I was holding. Damian hadn’t moved. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to throw things and cry. I wanted him to hurt like I was. But I also knew that it wasn’t worth it. Just because I’m broken, I don’t need to break others too.

“D? You okay?” I asked softly, sitting beside him.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know. It’s fine. But are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Not what I asked.”

“Let it go. You’re just a kid, you don’t understand anything.” Damian snapped, standing and walking out.

The door slammed making me flinch.

“So much for a friendly talk.” I thought. “God, please let tomorrow go okay… I can’t bear much more drama.”

I fell back on my bed and screamed into a pillow. I clenched my fists and took a deep breath. I needed to prepare for my book signing tomorrow. I looked at my closet, this was one of the few times I was allowed to pick my garb. So I was gonna take it by the reigns and go with it.

After a few solid hours of going “Nope, nuh-uh, not gonna happen, and why did I pack this?!” I finally settled on an outfit. My blue romper, with my beige heels, and a grey sweater. It was simple, but also showed who I really was.

After laying out my clothes, I quickly changed into my pajamas and laid down. It was a restless night of sleep. I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a freight train. I slowly sat up and looked at my phone, it was still dark out.

“Crap. it’s 2 A.M. I don’t need to be awake for at least 5 more hours.” I ran my hands through my hair. “Well I’m wide awake, guess I’ll just make do then.”

I stood up slowly and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I grabbed my earbuds and put them in and began playing “Rise Up” by Andra Day.

“You're broken down and tired of living life on a merry go round, and you can't find the fighter. But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out and move mountains. We gonna walk it out and move mountains. And I'll rise up. I'll rise like the day. I'll rise up. I'll rise unafraid. I'll rise up and I'll do it a thousand times again. And I'll rise up, high like the waves. I'll rise up, in spite of the ache. I'll rise up and I'll do it a thousands times again. For you. For you. For you. For you. When the silence isn't quiet and it feels like it's getting hard to breathe. And I know you feel like dying, but I promise we'll take the world to its feet and move mountains. We'll take it to its feet and move mountains. And I'll rise up. I'll rise like the day. I'll rise up. I'll rise unafraid. I'll rise up and I'll do it a thousand times again. For you. For you. For you. For you. All we need, all we need is hope. And for that we have each other. And for that we have each other. We will rise. We will rise. We'll rise, oh oh. We'll rise. I'll rise up. Rise like the day, I'll rise up. In spite of the ache, I will rise a thousands times again. And we'll rise up rise like the waves. We'll rise up in spite of the ache. We'll rise up. And we'll do it a thousands times again. For you oh oh oh oh oh.  For you oh oh oh oh oh. For you oh oh oh oh oh. For you.” I sang in a low voice.

I pulled on my hoodie and slipped into my knock-off UGG boots. I grabbed my room key and slipped out into the dimly light hallway. I exhaled and continued my trek to the stairs. I had a odd fear of elevators (and escalators but that isn’t the point).

It was raining outside. But I couldn’t care less, rain was my relaxation. I took out my earbuds to listen to the outside world. It was too early for most people to be driving, so it was almost silent. The rain fell steadily, like a woman crying at a funeral. And boy did it feel like a funeral. I let the rain wash over me. It was like a drug to my senses. I could feel my pain rolling off of me like the waves cleaning the beach.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and glanced at my screen. It was only 2:30 A.M. I had time to kill. And I wasn’t gonna lounge around my hotel room if I could go explore. So I began walking down the street. Street lights guided me to a small park. The lights in the park weren’t on and I wasn’t feeling like getting murdered by some vengeful spirit. (I think I may have watched too much Supernatural.) So upon opting out of being murdered, I sat down on a small bench, just outside of the park. “BUT LEXI THAT’S NOT ANY SAFER!!” Yes I can hear you scream that at me. I laughed at my odd internal narration. The rain had stopped and I was left alone with just the sound of my heart beat.

Ba-bum. Ba-bum. Ba-Bum. Ba-bum… Shhhhhh just breathe. Just breathe. You’ll be okay. It’s not over yet. Just breathe. Just breathe. Let me hold your hand. Don’t give in. Don’t forget who you are. Just breathe. Ba-bum. Ba-bum. Ba-bum.

I sat there until the sun began to creep up over the horizon. The bright hues of orange and purple sprayed across the sky. The stars fled to the other side of the world and I wished they’d take me with them. I didn’t want them to go just yet.

I began my silent walk back to the hotel. The world was beginning to come alive. The birds were chirping and hunting for grub. Upon arriving at the hotel, I jogged to my room and hopped into the shower. It was 5 A.M then, Damian and Cleo wouldn’t be up till at least 7.

“Two more hours of freedom.” I whispered, rinsing the shampoo out of my hair. “Remember Lexi, this is your book. Your baby. You’ve done good. People will, most likely, like your book.”

After my shower, I dried my hair and got dressed. It was 6 when I was finished. I sat down on my bed and turned on the tv. Not much was on at this time, which was fine with me. I used the news as background noise as I scrolled through Instagram. My siblings had posted a few things, mainly pictures of my nephews and nieces. My friends showed their activities. My costars posted about their families and movies they were in. I hadn’t posted since yesterday. It was a rare occurrence for me to post, I was like Tom in that way. But I also had less of a fan following than he did. I hadn’t even gotten close to a million followers, which didn’t matter to me… But Cleo on the other hand, well let’s just say it was the one of her main focuses.

Suddenly I heard my name on the tv, I grabbed the remote and turned up the volume.

“Alexis Scanlan, Lyncoln on the hit TV show Suits, has traveled to London, England as her first stop on her book tour.” The woman announced, looking at her cohost. “So what do you think?”

“Well, based off of the Instagram posts, she and Tom are going to hang out. And there are a few pictures circulating the web of them meeting at her hotel and leaving together.” The other female announcer replied. “Now Anna, both have stated, separately, that they are just friends. But the fans have seemed to not believe that much.”

“True Susanna, Tom’s fans are beginning to call the ships Osterland and Toxi.” Anna answered with a wide smile. “It’s beginning to be hashtagged across the internet. And photos are being circulated around fan blogs.”

I rolled my eyes. “Seriously? This is what they want to talk about?”

“Look how cute she is with those two!” Susanna exclaimed. “I mean, Lexi fits perfectly with both boys. Either way it would be perfect.”

“Oh my word, let the ship wars begin.” I thought.“Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!”

“There was a poll put up online, made by Buzzfeed, and so far Toxi is winning the most fans!’ Anna added.

“GAAAH!” I groaned and muted the TV. “Nope, nope, not today.”

I heard a knock at my door, so I rolled off my bed and slid over to the door. Damian was standing holding his makeup kit. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was messy.

“Whoa there Damian, are you okay?” I asked, taking a step back. “Did you even sleep last night?”

“Honestly, I barely slept. But I’ll be okay.” Damian replied, trying to smile. “Now let’s make you lookfaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous!”

I laughed and nodded. I knew that Damian didn’t really want to tell me what was going on. So I let him keep that to himself and began to talk about other things.

“So, any new news?” I inquired.

“Oh honey….” Damian laughed.

“Spill the tea.” I demanded. “Spill it now.”

Damian’s eyes sparkled. “Well, I bet you’ve already heard about the polls about which British boy should be your bae.”

I rolled my eyes, laughed, and nodded, but gestured for him to continue talking.

“Well, I think that is adorable, but also a wee bit creepy.” Damian continued, pulling out his makeup brushes. “I think you’d look good with both…. But I like Harrison the best.”

“Oooooo, you like Osterland!” I laughed. “Cool, I think. That is a wee bit creepy. But that’s fine bro, you do you boo.”

Damian laughed and shrugged. I was glad that I had moderately distracted him from the drama of yesterday.

Damian finished up my makeup and we stood to leave.

“Hey D?” I began. “Remember, I love you and you are a great person and I will personally fight anyone who says otherwise.”

Damian smiled at me. “Thanks, Ally-bug.”

Now I have many nicknames, compliments of my name. So from Alexis, my friends have gotten: Alex, Ally, Ally-bug, Al(I have terrible memories with that one), Lexis, Lexington, Lexi, Lex, Alexa(Seriously ever since Amazon came out with that thing….), Lav(Don’t ask, only Maddy is allowed to use that one).

Damian always calls me Ally-bug when we have a brother-sister moment. I was glad to have him around even when we bickered and just were plain annoying.

We walked out the door and standing outside was Cleo. I inhaled sharply and took a step back. It’s not like I wasn’t expecting her to be there, I just forgot that she had a thing for lurking. I forced myself to smile at her. Cleo smiled back, however it looked like a grimace.

“Ready to go, Cleo?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Let’s get this over with shall we?” She retorted.

I rolled my eyes and glided past her to the elevator. Damian was right on my heels and Cleo took up the rear. She looked as if she was herding cats and I felt like I was being tracked by a Doberman.

We entered the elevator and took the slow, awkward ride to the first floor. When the door opened we were bombarded by paparazzi and my security detail quickly made a large gap between me and the cameras. I smiled at one of the photographers and kept walking. Photography made me think of my two friend Joseph and Patrick. I had a lot of friends that I kept tabs on as I traveled.

We arrived at my entourages vehicles and quickly got in. Cameras were everywhere and the flashes were blinding. As soon as my butt hit the seat, I leaned back and exhaled. Cleo was sitting across from me with her legs crossed and her lips pursed.

“Alright kid, you know the drill.” Cleo hissed.

“Yep! Sign my books, speak a bit about my series, answer questions, and smile for photos.” I replied, giving Cleo a thumbs up.

She nodded, confirming my assessment of the day. Cleo stayed silent for the rest of the drive, looking at her phone. Damian was filing his nails, as he does when he is nervous. So I took it upon myself to gaze out the window like an emo child. The London sights passed by my window in a blur.

Soon we arrived at the bookstore I was featured in. I did a nervous shiver and put a smile on my face. Outside of the bookstore where screaming girls and boys alike. I laughed with surprise and happiness.

As soon as I got out of the car, the screams got louder. I waved at the fans and smiled. I was ushered inside by my security detail. I quickly sat down and picked up a pen.

“Alright ladies and gents! Let the hand cramping commence!” I cheered.

My security guards chuckled and opened the door. A whole flood of people swarmed into the building. I was a bit overwhelmed but I continued to smiled and looked up at the first person at my table. Between young girls and full grown men, my fanbase was actually quite large. After the last person came through the line and was ushered into the seating room, where I’d answer questions and all jazz, my hand was cramping hardcore.

I walked in, sat down on my stool, and smiled.

“Hey everyone!” I waved. “Glad you all made it and got here safely. So according to my schedule, I’m gonna tell you about how I came up with this book series…. That alright by you guys?”

The room erupted into cheers.

“Alright, I’ll take that as a solid yes.” I grinned. “When I was eight years old, I came up for the idea for ‘Drila, Land of the Exiled’. I was, and still am, a very imaginative child. I loved the thought of being able to transform into a dragon or any animal for that matter…. Well any animal except spiders, those things are freaking scary!”

Laughter peppered the air.

“Anyway, Drila initially began as a daydream I would have before I would fall asleep. I was Nickie, the sassy, snarky, badass little sister. The only girl in a herd of boys, which as much as I based this off of my family, my sister and I are combined as Nickie. And unlike, this loveable heroine, I only have four brothers not six.” I took a deep breath before continuing, “Anyway, I felt like a whole world of exiles destined to change the fate of their world and of earth’s was the best freaking idea I had ever had.”

I took a breath and smiled. “And so, I began to write in a little notebook. I didn’t have my own laptop, so I made do with what I could. Also, my brain moved faster than I could type way back then. So thus Drila, the Land of the Exiled began. I wrote as much as I could and when I ran out of ideas, I daydreamed, watched tv, and read to fill up my creative juices. When I finished my baby, I began to type it up. I would also explain my ideas to my friends and anyone who asked. Once, when I was 16, someone told me that I stole my ideas from “The Hunger Games”, to which I replied with a growl and a snap,  “Yeah, I was 8 when I came up for this, The friggin’ Hunger Games didn’t exist then.” Sassy then, sassy now. And that’s the hella short version of how I came up with this book series.”

The crowd laughed and cheered. I beamed and took a sip of my water.

“Next on the agenda, oh how I loathe agendas, is a little Q and A. So what questions do y’all have for me?” I inquired. “And if you wouldn’t mind, introduce yourself. I like meeting new people and I am crap with names.”

The group laughed and a wave of whispers sprayed across the room. Finally a young girl, black hair and hazel eyes, around the age of 12, stood and the microphone was passed to her.

“Hi… My name is Anne and I wanted to ask you about your inspiration for the character Reaper?” Anne quickly spoke into the mic.

“Ah, the infamous Reaper!” I grinned. “Awesome question Anne! So Reaper is like an extension of myself if I was an emo boy. Ha, but seriously, Reaper steams from those negative emotions I have and his quick temper is very similar to mine when I was younger. Reaper feels a lot and understands more than he lets on. Which is what I often did when I was the youngest in the group. Reaper is a major powerhouse and a force to be reckoned with, which again is what I became as I got older. Sorry for the long answer but Reaper, in essence, is me.”

Anne beamed and sat back down. The mic was passed down the line to my assistants in the rows.

More questions flooded in and I answered them all with my own sassy flair. Luckily, no one asked about Tom and Haz. Honestly, it was the farthest thing from my mind as I went to take photos with my fans.

After that event was over, I collapsed into the seat of my car. I was exhausted and felt like I had run thousands of miles. (And honey I don’t exercise.) I sighed contentedly and looked over at Damian and then at Cleo. Both seemed as exhausted as I was, which was fine with me. I opened up Instagram and posted a few photos from the event.“Awesome time with my fans! Love you all thanks for supporting me through this adventure! #littlelexithings #fansmakemyday #drilalandoftheexiled #cantwaittodothisagain”.

I put my phone in my lap and looked out the window. I thought of my friends and hoped they were doing good. I prayed softly for them, it had been awhile since I had heard from the majority of my companions. Most of them were in Europe, while some were in the States. We had met at a Bible school, it was one of the best years of my life.

My phone vibrated and I picked it up.

“OOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I squealed.

Damian and Cleo looked at me with a mix of shock and horror.

“Uh dude, what the hell?” Damian finally spoke, breaking out of his stupor.

“Nothing.” I replied. “Just friend of mine texted me. Sorry, just lemme be excited about this!”

Yeah, I wasn’t going to tell them about my Austrian friend. Damian would lord that over me for the rest of my life. It had been a solid 3 weeks since we had talked. We meet at the Bible school, I had attended in my home state. Now while Damian thought I had never gotten over James, which was sorta true, there were more boys then I let on. Now I was the perpetually single sibling, which sucked but as I probably have said before, I’m used to it. Now I developed a crush on Patrick, the Austrian. Yep, this was my friend who did photography, he also was a hella amazing chef. (You’ll understand soooo much more later) But that isn’t the point, Cleo and I had agreed that once I was done with my book tour, I would be allowed to come back to Europe and travel. During that time, Damian would be given time off and he was going to go visit his family. Cleo, of course, was going to keep tabs on my publicity. I would only have a few security guards with me during this time. So essentially I could visit my brother in Spain and Patrick in Austria and just travel in general. Of course, I would go and visit Tom and Harrison.

After my book tour was finished and I made my last stop. I went home to Colorado to see my family. Most of my siblings came home to see me. Specifically, my brothers and their wives and their kids. And my sister and her girlfriend. They interrogated me about my friendship with Tom and Harrison, which I gladly answered all the questions. We were all sitting in the living room, talking, laughing, and watching the children.

It was good to finally be home and be with the people who couldn’t care less that I was famous. They kept me grounded when no one else could. It was my mission for them.

Soon after, I was all packed and in a plane to Spain. I had my earbuds in and was drawing in my sketchbook. I was wearing my Manly Beach, Australia hoodie, blue jeans, and converse. Thankfully, I had a window seat. Next to me was a preteen girl and what appeared to be her older brother. The girl was reading my book and grinning. The boy had his headphones in and was watching the tv. I went back to my sketching and was switching out my colored pencils when we hit a patch of turbulence and my eraser went flying onto the girl’s book.

“Oh fadoodle cakes.” I hissed, glaring at my wayward eraser.

“Oh here you- Oh my gosh! You’re Alexis Scanlan! You wrote this book!” The girl squealed holding my eraser.

“Uh, yeah… Hi there…” I grinned. “That’s me! And you are?”

“Oh. I’m Piper!” Piper quickly replied, handing me my eraser.

“Nice to meet you.” I took my eraser back and grinned. “So, be honest, what do you think of the book?”

“Oh, I love it!” Piper exclaimed. “I really like the siblings! I mean, I like Connor and Max.”

“Oh awesome!!!! They’re a pretty good pair.” I grinned.

“But Reaper and Nickie are like my brother and me.” She continued.

“Oh awesome!” I nodded. “I let you get back to reading.”

She smiled and reopened her book. I went back to my sketch. The trip didn’t seem to last much longer after that. We landed in Madrid. Piper and her brother exited the plane, I grinned because when she opened to the front cover I had left her a note.

I quickly grabbed my luggage and hailed a cab. I was going to meet with my brother at the train station and I couldn’t wait to see them. When they had come home on furlough, I hadn’t been able to visit them. And I had promised my nieces and nephew that I would come and give them some gifts.

My phone buzzed with a text from Tom.

Tom: “Hey Lex!!!! Saw the photos from your book signing! It looked amazing!”

Me: “Aw, thanks Tom!!! It was really amazing and the fans were so supportive and fun.”

Tom: “So are you coming to London again?”

Me: “I have a few stops before I’ll be coming to visit you and Tessa.”

Tom: “Wait, where are you going?”

Me: “To see my oldest brother A.J. obviously! Well him, his wife, and their kiddos. I haven’t seen them in sooooooo long! So I’m in Spain, then I’m going to be traveling around Europe.”

Tom: “Oh epic! Tell them Spider-Man says hi!!!!”

Me: “Elijah would love that! He loves Spider-Man! Well Batman is first, but Spider-Man is pretty darn close.”

Tom: “Ew no! BATMAN! BATMAN BEAT ME?!?!?!”

Me: “Dude, hakuna your tatas, he’s like 6 dude.”

My stop finally arrived and I quickly exited the train. Most of my luggage, which actually wasn’t that much, was with my security in France. I had my purse, backpack, and a small suitcase with me. I looked just like any other tourist, which was fine with me. Most of the time the paparazzi couldn’t find me anyway.

“AUNT LEXI!” A small female voice shrieked.

I whipped around to locate the voice. Jumping up and down were my two nieces, Rachel and Lissie, and my nephew, Elijah.

“Minions!” I shouted back and quickly walked to them.

I was mobbed by the kids. I hugged my brother and his wife.

“Oh my goodness it is good to see you!” I exclaimed. “You have to tell me everything that you have been up too!”

“Yeah, but let’s get moving to the house and we can talk then.” A.J. said.

I nodded and we began walking. Rachel and Elijah began bombarding me with information on what they had been doing the last couple days. Mainly they had school, but they loved school. Lucky them, just wait till they get hit with Algebra.

We arrived at the house and the kiddos ran off to play with their toys. A.J., Kristin, and I sat in the living room.

“How was your flight?” Kristin asked.

“Actually, it was really good! I was sitting by a girl who loved my book!” I answered with a smile. “She was a sweetheart.”

“Oh that’s really cool Lex.” A.J. commented. “We heard about you and Tom Holland…”

“Oh good heavens, we are just friends A.J.!!” I groaned. “Come on dude, not you too!”

They laughed and A.J. just shrugged. The kids came barreling into the room in their superhero costumes. Elijah was Ironman. Rachel was Black Widow and Lissie was Hawkeye.

“Oh look at that! My favorite heroes!” I clapped. “Guess what Elijah?”

“What?” Elijah asked, looking up at me with his big, brown eyes.

“Spider-Man told me to say hi.”

“Really?!”

“Yep!”

“Cool! Tell him hi!” Elijah cheered.

“Of course dude!” I unlocked my phone to alert Tom to my nephew’s joy.

Me: “Yo Tommy boy! My nephew says hi to Spider-Man.”

Tom: “Awwww, I’m glad. How is it so far?”

Me: “Uh dude, it is freaking awesome! The kiddos are running around screaming and later we are going to go walk around an sightsee. I’m only here for a couple days so I have to spend as much time with them as possible.”

Tom: “Where is your next stop?”

Me: “Uh, France. Why?”

Tom: “Mind if I meet you there?”

Me: “Well of course not! That would be awesome!”

Tom: “Epic!”

The rest of my time with family was fun. But all good things must come to an end. Before I knew it I was back on a plane headed to France. I had hugged my brother and his family goodbye and entered the train station alone. I reflected on all of this on my plane ride to Paris. I knew Tom was gonna meet me there, but it made me worried about everyone else would say. Mainly the media was my concern, but that wasn’t too big of a deal. I could handle shitty press all the time. I leaned back in my seat, Cleo made me get first class seating for this flight. I felt weird being up with all those rich folks. I put my headphones in and began blasting Marianas Trench into my brain.

“And I thought you'd feel the same as me. It's time that I come clean, but, But for now can we just both pretend to sleep. Sometimes the one you want is not the one you need. What goes around don't come around. You should know me by now.” I whispered to myself.

The view from the plane window was breathtaking. The ocean was spreading towards the horizon. The sun was setting so the sky was turning orange and pink. I snapped a picture and posted. “Sunsets, when viewed from the window of a plane, is sooooo freaking amazing!!! As I once read, “When an artist dies, God lets them paint the sky to say goodbye.” #littlelexithings #amazing #stunning.”

I leaned back in my chair, once again, and closed my eyes. I knew I wasn’t going to get any sleep, but I couldn’t keep staring at my phone screen.

The plane descended down to the airport. I quickly grabbed my carry-on and sped walked out of the plane to the baggage claim. Upon retrieving my luggage, I made my way to the front of the airport, since I needed to meet my security detail.

“LEXIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“What in the name of - HOLY SWEET BABY JESUS!” I was glomped from behind and almost fell over.

“Helloooooo.” A voice, sounding like pre-teen boy, met my ears.

“Tom… Your American accent sucks.” I sighed.

“Wow, savage.” Tom commented, poking my side and letting me go.

“As always.” I winked and adjusted my shoulder bag. “You need to not glomp me though you dork, I almost punched you.”

“Oh please, as if.” Tom rolled his eyes.

We began to continue our trek to the front of the airport. People were pointing and whispering. I just pulled on my hoodie and kept my eyes toward the ground. I wasn’t about to be mass mobbed by screaming teenage girls who would murder me if there was an inkling of suspicion that I was with Tom. We made it to the doors and both of us went to our separate enturages.

“Hey Chet.” I said, sliding into the backseat.

“Hello Lexi, how was your flight?” Chet asked starting up the car.

“It was good, first class is weird for me though.” I answered, shrugging off my shoulder bag. “How are you?”

“I’m doing well, thanks for asking.” Chet smiled at me and began driving.

My phone buzzed and I groaned.

“You have got to be kidding me…. Oh. It’s Tom.”

Tom: “Lexi, I know we literally just said goodbye… But would you want to meet by the Eiffel Tower tomorrow at 7AM?”

Me: “7 in the morning? You are a barbarian. -_- Sure why not! I hadn’t made an itinerary yet.”

Tom: “Awesome! Don’t be late!”

Me: “You clearly have never met me…. I’m never late. I arrive precisely when I mean to.”

We arrived at my hotel and brought my things to my room. My entire entourage was chilling in the room moving stuff around.

“Hey boys! Miss me?” I asked, dramatically sliding into the room.

Chet chuckled behind me and set down my suitcase. There was a chorus of “Yeah”s and “Hey Lexi!”s. I hugged each one of the boys and began to pull my clothes out of the suitcases and hang them up. Later that day, I was sitting on my bed inhaling a croissant and minding my own business, when Chet barged into my room.

“HOLY CHEESE BISCUITS!” I yelped throwing my croissant at Chet.

“What in the world?!” Chet exclaimed, catching the flying pastry.

“Have you heard of, OH I DUNNO, KNOCKING?!?!?!” I shouted, throwing my pillow at him.

“Alright, alright, I get it. Breathe Alex, breathe.” Chet chuckled, handing me my pastry and sitting down on the lounge chair. “You need to rest up, which you seem to be doing just fine. And then you’ll have to tell me your plans so we can keep tabs on you.”

“I’m meeting Tom Holland at the Eiffel Tower tomorrow.” I replied, laying down. “That’s all I have planned for now.”

“You sure that is a good idea with all the press?” Chet asked, raising his brow.

“It will be fine!” I exclaimed. “Gooooosssshhhhhhh.”

“Oh don’t you groan at me shortstop.” Chet replied. “I get paid to keep your skinny ass safe.”

“I’m black, nothing on me is skinny.” I snorted.

Chet rolled his eyes and stood up. “Rest up Alex. I’ll check in on you in a bit.”

As soon as he walked out the door, I fell back and closed my eyes. Napping would’ve been great, but for some reason my body decided that it was not time for a nap. Oh no, that would have been nice, but instead I sat up and turned on the celebrity news station instead. They were mainly talking about the French actors and actresses. Now that was refreshing. It hadn’t been very long since the gossip sections blew up with pictures of Tom and me. I fell back and scrolled through my instagram page. Not much had changed, except all the comments on my photo. My small fan following always brought a smile to my face. As I made my way through the comments and replied to them, I got a notification that I was tagged in a post.

“Who would have posted a photo of me….?” I muttered. “Harrison?”

The photo wasn’t recent, because last time I hung out with them both was at least 2 months ago. The photo was one of the many that Tom’s mom Nicki had taken when I was there. However, it brought a smile to my face. I liked the post and stared at it for a couple minutes. It was the three of us sitting on a fence. I was between the boys, we were all laughing our heads off. I was holding a small bunch of flowers with a few scattered in my hair. Tom was pointing at Harrison and Harrison was shrugging. Nicki had told us to just interact like we normally would. And so we did. The photo blew up with likes and comments.

Sassy but Classy “Oh she is so lucky!”

Marzipan “Attention whore! Get lost no one likes you @lexis_scanlan.”

Key “Hey Marzipan leave her alone! She is amazing!”

@osterlandrules “OH YAS OSTERLAND 4 LIFE!!!!”

@lilacsandrainbows “No! Toxi for life! She is waaaaaaaaaaaay to good for Harrison!”

@dreams2befollowed “Ew, who does she think she is? Like girl go get a life. You ugly hoe.”

Marisol “YEAH GO HOME @lexis_scanlan YOU ARE SO UGLY!”

@tearsofangels “Such a stupid bitch. Doesn’t she realized that we’d all be better off if she was gone?”

I put down my phone and rolled my eyes. The hate was hard to read. But the ship wars were getting to be a bit much. I was never going to date Tom, at least I wasn’t planning on it. Relationships and I just didn’t mix. There were too many bad memories from failed crushes and that one relationship that I never wanted to talk about.

I layed down and closed my eyes. I would have sunk into a well of sorrow if it wasn’t for the fact exhaustion took over and I fell into a dreamless slumber. I was out until my alarm went off for the next day, at 6AM. I hit my phone and sat up.

“Good lord….” I rubbed my eyes. “Why Tom, why have I agreed to this? Tell me whyyyyyy.”

I sat up and walked over to my closet. I grabbed my red plaid, sleeveless dress and my red converse and put them on. I clasped on my camera necklace and grabbed my camera themed backpack, phone case and cameras. Today was a themed day and I had no regrets. I grabbed my roomkey and was out the door. As the elevator doors closed behind me, I sent Chet a text informing him that I was leaving for the Eiffel Tower. I stepped out of the elevator and beelined it to the exit. As soon as I was outside the cool air smacked into me.

“Aaaaahhhh yaaaaaaaaaaaaas.” I thought, “Can you feel the love tonight? Oh good lord Lexi this is why you are single.”

I pulled out my phone and put in my earbuds. I turned on “I like me better” by Lauv and began walking towards the Eiffel tower. I bobbed my head along with my music and practically skipped most of the way there. My phone buzzed, which caused me to slow down a bit. (Don’t text and walk kids! You could walk into a pole.)

Tom: “Hey Lexi! I’m almost to the tower, where are you?”

Me: “Well to be honest, I dunno, I just know I can see the tower and it is getting bigger.”

Tom: “Ah yes, because that makes it so much easier to find you.”

Me: “Shut up!”

Me: “Lemme send you a pin of my location at the moment.”

Tom: “Got it.”

Tom: “You are slow.”

Me: “Child I will end you.”

Tom: “Nah, you love me.”

Me: “Debatable.”

I continued walking and got to a crosswalk. Tom called me literally .2 seconds later.

“Duuuude whaaaaaaaaaat?!” I groaned.

“I can see you hold up.” Tom replied.

I didn’t see him, but that wasn’t uncommon for me to not see what was right in front of me. I turned to the right briefly, and regretted it. Freaking Tom grabbed my sides and scared the crap out of me.

“HOLY SNICKERDOODLES IN HELL!” I shouted, removing myself from his grasp.

“Seriously?” Tom asked, laughing at me.

“Child you wanna die?” I snapped, flipping my hair out of my eyes.

Tom held up his hands in surrender and grinned. I rolled my eyes and turned away and started to walk away.

“Aw hey! Lexi don’t be like that.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me to a full stop. “I’m sorry. Don’t leave me here alone.”

“Eh whatever.” I pulled my arm away and laughed. “Don’t ever scare me like that again!”

Tom snickered and pulled me across the street. “Come on Lexi! We’re almost there!”

I stumbled behind him and almost took out a random French woman.

“Sorry!” I called back. “Tom, slow down! As Baymax once said, ‘I am not fast’.”

Tom winced and slowed down. I caught up and grinned at him. We walked in a comfortable silence and I gazed at the sights. After a little while, Tom pulled me to a stop and turned my head. We had arrived. It was as breathtaking as I imagined it to be.

“Holy…..” I exhaled.

“Pretty amazing huh?” Tom asked looking at me with a grin.

“Amazing?! It’s freaking fantastic! I just-  WOW!” I turned to him, bouncing on my toes and began to take picures.

Tom grinned and poked my cheek. I slapped away his hand and rolled my eyes. We stood looking up at the Tower looming above us. I exhaled slowly and turned to Tom.

“Alright, I guess staring at this architectural wonder is great, but now I’m hungry.” I said, my stomach growling to punctuate my point.

“Whoa there.” Tom laughed, tapping my stomach. “There is this really cool French cafe you’d love! I’ll buy!”

“What’s it called?” I asked “Wait no Tom don’t pay!”

“It’s called Bistrot de la tour Eiffel!” Tom replied. “No it’s my treat! I made you get up this early, it is the least I can do!”

“Toooooooommmmmm.” I groaned. “Not cool dude.”

“You’re my friend! And I made you get up and hang out with me.” Tom grinned, pulling me into a steady walking pace.

I rolled my eyes and kept walking. Tom slipped his hand into mine when we walked into a large group of people. He gave me a small grin and I smiled back. I held hands with my friends all the time, mainly so I wouldn’t lose them in a crowd or something. We made it to the little cafe and got seated. The staff seemed to recognize Tom right off the bat. I was just another face in the crowd at the moment, which honestly was one of the reasons I could walk out of my hotel room without having a security detail. Anyway, Tom and I ordered off the menu. I struggled with the French and continued to apologise for messing all the words up. The waiter didn’t seem to mind, just smiled, and told me that he was glad that I tried. As soon as the waiter left, I pulled out my phone to take a selfie.

“Tom lean over. It’s selfie time.” I chirped.

Tom squinted at me and smiled. I took a quick picture and nodded. It was a good one. Tom pulled out his phone, but I paid no mind until he started talking.

“Hey guys! Just chilling in France with one of my favorite humans! Say hi Lexi!” Tom said, looking at me.

“Oh come on Tom! I’m not even wearing makeup! Or even look that good.” I groaned, covering my face.

“Come on! I know you’re not shy!” Tom pleaded.

“Fiiiiiiiiine.” I shrugged, lowering my hands. “Hey everyone!”

“She’s tired. Because we got up at 6 to see the sunrise! So, I’m getting her breakfast, like the awesome friend I am.” Tom said, winking at the camera.

He put his phone down and looked me.

“What?” I asked, cocking my head to the side.

“You look concerned.” Tom replied. “My fans love you!”

“Most of them Tom…. Some of them would rather have my head on a pike and me being burned.” I replied, running my hands through my hair. “Tom, have you even read the comments on your posts with me in them?! Or even Harrison’s?”

Tom looked me dead in the eye and placed his hand over mine. “Yeah, I have. But that doesn’t change the fact that we are friends! Heck people bullied Jacob all the time, but that changes nothing.”

“But-” I began to object.

“Shhhhh no. No buts.” Tom interrupted me. “Oh look! Food’s coming.”

I turned expectantly toward the waiter and grinned. My stomach rumbled in anticipation. Tom laughed at me, as the waiter set down my food.

“Merci!” I chirped.

The waiter smiled at me as he walked away. Tom picked up his phone and quickly took a picture of us with our plates. As soon as Tom put his phone down, we dug into our food. We sat eating in silence, just listening to the tourists and the locals chatting around us. It was nice to just relax and not think about the real world.

We finally began to talk after making it halfway through out meals. We were laughing and talking about basic things. Tom told me all about how his family was doing and gushed about Tessa. I gushed about my nieces and nephews and my family. We discussed future acting jobs and I explained my book tour. Tom told me I should audition for this movie he was trying for. To that, I almost laughed. Me? In a movie with Tom? That was a dream that wasn’t going to happen. But I agreed that I would look into it.

Tom paid our bill. We exited the building and began walking down the street. My phone dinged, so naturally I looked at it.

“Sweet baby Jesus….” I muttered. “Tom, check this out.”

Tom took my phone and snorted. “Wow, they are fast.”

Covering my phone screen was an array of photos of Tom and me. Us at the Eiffel Tower. Us walking hand in hand to the cafe. Us eating our meal laughing.

I was impressed and slightly horrified. With all true honesty, I had never gotten used to the attention I received from the paparazzi. You could’ve been eating a baguette in a bikini on the Caribbean and they would it it up. Y’all think I’m joking. Yeah nope, I’m not.

Anywaaaaaay, Tom and I continued on our way. I took pictures of the flowers and the skyline. Tom was doing a live video next to me, chatting away with his fans.

“Lexi! Rachel Santiago says ‘Hello!!!!!’ to you!” Tom said, turning the phone towards me.

“Oh hello Rachel! Hope you are having a great day!” I smiled at the camera and waved.

Tom beamed at me and continued talking. And I continued to take all the photos. We didn’t need to talk much, because of the livestream. And honestly, walking in silence was okay with me. We walked, the long way, back to the tower.

“Hey Lexi?”

“Yeah Tom?”

“This was fun. We need to do this more often.”

I ran my hands through my hair and grinned. “I would love that!”

We stopped at the bottom of the tower.

“Wanna go up?” Tom asked.

“Oh heeeelllllll no.” I said quickly.

“What? Why?”

“Afraid of heights.” I replied, shrugging. “I thought I told you that already.”

Tom shrugged. “Maybe, I’ll hold your hand if you want….”

“I would rather die….” I muttered.

“If you don’t want to we don’t have to.” Tom replied.

“Well since I’m here, I should…..” I mused. “Alright, let’s do it. Just let me hold onto you for reassurance.”

“Of course, there’s an elevator.” Tom said, guiding me towards the tower. “I wouldn’t make you walk up stairs.”

“Good, cuz that was never going to happen.” I grinned, twisting my ring around my finger.

“Just remember, I’ve got you.” Tom said, looking into my eyes and grabbing my hands.

I grinned at him weakly. I was nowhere near being ready for this moment. But I took a deep breath and began forcing my legs to take me to the elevator. We stepped inside, with a large amount of tourists. Most of them were to busy talking to each other to even notice the fact that to celebrities were pressed up against them, which I was fine with. I grabbed Tom’s hand and squeezed it tight, as I could feel my anxiety kicking in. Tom smiled down at me and squeezed my hand back. We arrived at the top and exited the elevator.

My heart practically stopped beating when the wind met me. I froze and turned to Tom.

“I-I can’t.” I whispered.

I lifted my hands in defeat, every part of my body just froze. Tom seemed to understand my discomfort.

“Alright, we’ll get you down, just let’s get out of the way first.” Tom said gently.  

I nodded, took a deep breath, and moved forward. As much as my body wanted to turn the fuck around and get out, I forced it to move. I inched forward with Tom right beside me. As soon as the people were out of the way, we entered the elevator and began the ride back down. I looked down at my hands in shame. Oh, how I wished I could have just kept it together for a little bit longer. Why did I have to shut down all the time?

The intrusive thoughts took over and I felt the tears brimming in my eyes. Stupid, stupid, stupid….

The door opened and I stumbled out, quickly brushing the tears off my cheeks.

“Lexi? Are you okay?” Tom asked, touching my shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m all good.” I replied quickly, giving him a thumbs up.

Tom cocked his head at me and didn’t reply. I could tell he didn’t believe me. But that wasn’t really what I was concerned about at that moment. What caught my attention was the small mob of paparazzi that seemed to have materialized out of freaking nowhere.

“Oh shit.” Tom exhaled looking the same direction I was frowning at. “They are fucking fast.”

“Yeah, that ain’t right.” I nodded. “Welp, I’m done here.”

I turned around and grabbed Tom’s hand. I pulled him into the crowd, weaving through the tourists. I wasn’t sure if I had gotten us out of the site of the mob of cameras. But, I didn’t really care too much. It was already too late to keep ourselves hidden completely. I shook my head and crossed my arms turning to look at Tom. He stopped and smiled at me.

“You are fast! You liar.” Tom exclaimed laughing.

“Nooooo….” I muttered, running my hands through my hair. “I was just motivated to get the fuck out.”

Tom just shook his head and we kept walking. But all good things have to come to an end, my phone buzzed with the alert that it was time for me to head back to the hotel. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to have to go face the reality otherwise known as “Dealing with Cleo”.

“I hate to do this, but I have to go back and face the wrath of Cleo.” I turned to face him with a frown. “I get to discuss my schedule for my book tour and then some different auditions I might want to check out, ya know.”

“Yeah, that makes sense…” Tom replied, nodding. “I understand completely. I’ll walk you back.”

And thus, that was the end of my day with Tom. Tom didn’t say anything as we walked past the tourists and over the bridges. I kept my hands at my sides and looked at the ground. Cleo was gonna rip into me, that was for certain. Damian told me that I had a lot of clothing fittings and style choices for the evening. Media was screaming at me to date/get my shit together. Tom looked at me with a small smile and squeezed my hand. We arrived at the hotel. I said a quick goodbye to Tom. As I turned to go into the hotel, Tom grabbed my hand and pulled me back. The kiss to my temple was fast, as if it never happened. I stumbled into the hotel. My mind was on a thousand things at once. My dreams. Those ships. And the OTP wars.