#and why does it still hurt so much its been so long it shouldnt still hurt me this much

[lonelydncers]

.

[yourlovermumu]

 yandere!husband who loves you so much that all he has ever wanted is to make you his wife and have you by his side forever. 

he just really loves you. and the fact that he gets to come home to his pretty little wife greeting him with a ‘’welcome home honey!’’ makes his heart beat against his ribcage so loud that his almost sure you heard it too. 

at first it was a little hard for him to get used to all this. you greeting him with a hug and a warm smile when he comes home, cooking him delicious food, feeding him with your own hands from time to time, cuddling him, and the fact that he gets to see your face first thing in a morning when he wakes up. 

yandere!husband can hardly keep up with everything without blushing like crazy from the littlest things. poor man just loves his girl so much. 

so it shouldnt come as a surprise when he just cant take things anymore sometimes and ends up fucking you like a dog in heat near the closest surface he can find. 

its still hard for him to process sometimes that your his, he gets to have you, you agreed to be his forever. and his so grateful for it. 

and he just loves to come home to you in the kitchen with an apron on, cooking him delicious food. 

theres just something about you in an apron..that drives him insane.

just coming home to his pretty little wife in an apron..wow

he would come behind you and hug you securely from behind while your stirring the food. burying his face in the crook of your neck, sniffing it a little to inhale your scent. ‘’mhm...you smell so good sweetie..’’ he whispers as he places soft, gentle kisses on your neck that tickle you. 

you giggle at his kisses as you tell him to stop but he just smiles and pouts with a ‘’no baby, let me give you my love’’ he says as he continues trialing kisses from your neck to your shoulder. slipping your shirt down on one shoulder where his trailing down kisses. he eventually starts biting you softly. 

‘‘love, whats gotten into you- mh- ah..your..uhm..please wait till the the food is done baby.’‘ 

he doesnt say anything, just keeps kissing, biting and licking your tender skin. 

you reach your hand behind to grab his hair to somehow pull him away. and it does seem to work as he lifts his head up and comes to whisper in your ear, ‘’sweetie, dont be so cruel to your husband, dont deny my love and affection. it hurts me’’ he says with a fake pout. 

you sigh at his behavior, ‘’mhm, sorry love, i just need to get this done, you dont wanna eat burnt food now do you?’’ as much as you wanna give in you cant possibly do so when your cooking, you would hate to feed your dear husband brunt food after all. 

his hands stay wrapped on your waist as he hums, as if his considering it. but then a smirk quickly makes its way to his lips. as he licks your earlobe and then whispers, ‘’then..why dont you just turn the stove off and give me a little of your time darling? just for a bit, i promise. wont keep you for long baby.’’ he says as he places gentle feather kisses on your neck again. trying to slowly convince you. 

you gulp, trying to fight the little voice in you head that tells you to just give him what he wants. ‘’can’t you wait a bit longer baby?’’ 

‘‘can’t, can’t wait anymore baby.’‘ he responds

‘‘been thinking about you all day.’‘ he says as he nuzzles his head into the crook of your neck. 

‘‘do you know what seeing you in this cute little apron is doing to me baby? do you know what its making me want to do?’‘ he asks as he flips you around, lifting you up into the kitchen counter. as he leans in close to your face. both his hands on either sides of your thighs ‘’hm?’’ 

you shake your head at his question. he chuckles when you do so. ‘’guess baby, guess’’ he says with a smile, waiting for you continue. 

‘‘its..making you really needy..isnt it, love?’‘ you ask, giggling. 

‘‘thats right baby, its making me so, so needy...its making me want to..take everything off besides the apron.. thats what its making me want to do.’‘ he says sternly. 

he smiles when he sees you flustered by what he said, a small chuckle leaves his lips, ‘’and tell you what’’ he pauses to look right into your eyes before speaking again, ‘’i dont think you’d stop me’’ 

‘‘aahh-! ah-! wait-! mh-mhmm..’‘ you moan as your left hand tightens on his hair. pulling and tugging it. but his not moving an inch. his too lost in pleasure to just stop and give you a moment to breathe. this whole moment, situation, is so amazing to him he cant possibly just stop. especially right when your about to cum again. 

‘‘make a mess of my face baby...dont hold back.’‘ he says as he moans into your pussy. sending vibrations through your cunt and making you shiver. 

‘‘gonna cum...’am gonna cum-!’‘ you warn as tears spill down your cheeks. 

yandare!husband only hums with his face stuffed between your thighs as he sucks and licks your pussy messily with two fingers stuffed into you. his cock twitching and leaking in his boxers from your screams, moans, and whines. everything about you is just so beautiful to him. 

it doesnt take long before your squirting on his face without a second warning. he tries to take every second drop inside his mouth desperately, like his a starving man. he licks you clean as he holds both your thighs apart. 

‘‘so sexy...i didnt know you could squirt like that..’‘ he chuckles as he looks up at your face. such a fucking mess you’ve become. your huffing and panting with sweat drenching your face. 

[hannieehaee]

Hello!!! Long time reader here 🫣🫣 I was wondering if I could request a little svt scenario :>?? Could it be where you're struggling with opening a jar or smt and so you ask them for help but while they're struggling to open it as well, their hand or arm slips and accidentally hits you. I'm curious what their reaction would be. (Recently happened with my guy friend and the poor guy freaked out apologizing 😭)

being unable to open a jar and wacking you in the process

content: gender neutral, reader is implied to be physically weaker than the member, height difference implied in dk's, accidental hitting (its implied to be an accidental light smack on the cheek/chest area; no actual harm is done)

wc: 1720

a/n: this is so silly help 😭 thank u so much for reading my work and for requesting! <3

masterlist

seungcheol -

seungcheol is a proud man. he's very proud of his strength and loves to show it off, which is why he secretly adores whenever you ask him for anything that requires him to show off his ripped physique to you. if you ever need help with a jar, he's got you! or so he thought. if he ever attempted to open a jar for you but failed at it, he'd be a little embarrassed, but that would not compare to his look of absolute mortification at accidentally hurting you in the process, not having realized his arm would slip off the container as he failed at opening it. the next twenty minutes would be spent with him apologizing over and over, not knowing whether to focus on the pain he inflicted or the embarrassment he's feeling.

jeonghan -

he'd wonder why you're asking him of all people. he's not known for being necessarily strong, so he's not sure why you'd seek him. yeah, he's the boyfriend and all but he never signed up for jar-opening duties. bug killing? maybe. driving? he's your guy. but opening jars? he usually seeks seungcheol or mingyu for that. but since he's jeonghan, he'd say yes to whatever you asked him without much complaint. however, you shouldnt have been surprised when the end result was a still-closed jar and a red cheek. yours. your red cheek, as jeonghan's hand had slipped and caught your cheek in the process. he'd find the situation ironic, thinking that maybe you'd kind of asked for this .. but he would not actually voice that thought and instead would baby you until you whined at him to stop, insisting it didnt hurt that much.

joshua -

he's used to opening jars for you, enjoying the way you usually swoon over the swollen muscle he occasionally likes to show off to you. this happens quite often actually. he's half sure you don't even attempt to open them yourself, just immediately handing them over to him as if he had a built-in command dedicated to opening jars. which he kind of did in a sense. the one off time he'd fail at opening a jar and hurt you in the process would cause him to widen his eyes in terror, thinking he mightve really hurt you. until you started laughing (at his reaction mostly), causing him to whine at you and tell you to do it yourself!

jun -

he'd do anything you asked without question. he's opened millions of jars for you at this point. he doesnt even think about it as he does it, its just an automatic reaction by now. and thus far, he's never met a jar that has overpowered him. until now. this very moment in which he found himself struggling. but he would not be defeated by a jar right in front of the love of his life. who would be defeated, however, would be you, the receiver of a smack right across the face, courtesy of jun's elbow. like most other members, he'd immediately drop the jar and tend to you, cursing at the jar in chinese for causing him to lay hand on you.

soonyoung -

he never outwardly shows off his strength to you, but enjoys things such as opening jars because they allow him to reestablish his rightful role as boyfriend. whats a boyfriend for if not for opening jars for their significant other? on the rare occasion he's unable to open a jar for you, he would refuse to give up, roaring at the challenge (yes, roaring, like a tiger) and putting even more strength into it. this would prove fruitless the moment his hand slipped from the jar's cap, leading his elbow to land straight against your chest, making you yelp. depending on his mood that day, he'd either grow sheepish and beg for forgiveness, or simply laugh as he rubbed at the red area in which his elbow landed, kissing it better. silly guy.

wonwoo -

another one of the strong boys™️. he's used to helping you out with any heavy lifting (literally and metaphorically). enjoys the domesticity behind opening jars for you. it makes him feel needed. its nice. except when things like this happen. if he were ever to accidentally hurt you in the process of helping you open a jar he'd be mortified. he wouldn't verbally react, he would just kind of look at you with wide eyes and an open mouth, not saying much. you'd complain at him wondering why he's just frozen in place, which would cause him to snap out of it and caress whichever part of you he had made contact with. he'd chuckle at the ridiculousness of it but still be very apologetic.

jihoon -

he wont admit to it but he loooves feeling needed. even if its for something as little as opening a measly jar. he also loves doing anything that requires strength when you're around. he's noticed the way you eye his arms. and he enjoys it. a lot. what he didnt enjoy, however, was failing at such an easy task. what he enjoyed even less was his hand slipping and landing against your nose, pulling a whimper out of you. neither of you would know how to react for a second. until jihoon started to apologize profusely, swearing to you that it was an accident and that he'd stay away from jars from now on.

seokmin -

cutie pie loves doing these silly little domestic favours for you. getting you a spoon while you're laying on the couch, too lay to get one? he's on his way! handing you a bowl from a cupboard you cant reach? you dont even have to ask! opening a jar for you? he's your guy! well, maybe not always. like today, when he'd angled himself wrong while opening you a jar of pickles, causing his elbow to hit against your chest. the impact alarmed seokmin immediately, causing him to stop what he was doing and coddle you, apologizing with all his might as he rubbed and blew at the area as if he'd caused any real damage.

mingyu -

he's been on jar-opening duty since he was a trainee. this isnt new to him. you dont even need to ask. the moment he sees you in possession of a jar, he's nonchalantly taking it from your hands and opening it without a word. the one time his distracted manner backfired had been today. he'd grabbed it from your arms, attempting to open it without realizing it was humid due to having been recently taken out from the freezer. his hand immediately slipped and landed against your eye, causing you to yelp. mingyu, being mingyu, would dramatically drop everything (literally would drop the damn jar, which was luckily made of plastic and not glass ..) and tend to you, acting as if he'd accidentally sliced your face open. he'd need convincing to calm down.

minghao -

it was a simple task, but he enjoyed the domesticity of it. he liked how you would seek him out specifically. what was he here for, if not to help his loved one out with these types of little things around the house? he'd chuckle a bit at your sheepish way of asking, fearing you were bothering him by interrupting whatever he was doing just to open a measly jar. but he wouldnt mind, proceeding to attempt at opening it. it usually would end here, except this time. as soon as he felt his hand make contact with your cheek, he'd stop dead on his tracks, embarrassed at having hurt you. he'd coo over you and rub your cheek as he apologized, claiming this was a one time thing and he'd be more careful next time.

seungkwan -

living with jeonghan, he's used to opening the jars on his own. believe it or not, seungkwan is actually very strong! so he would always insist in opening jars and such for you around the house. you didnt even have to ask, he'd do it on his own, wanting to show you what a good boyfriend he made. but well, kwan wasnt that strong after all, as he'd struggle with jars himself sometimes. but being the stubborn boy he is, he'd still insist, even after accidentally wacking you across the forehead with his hand after it slipped from the lid. being the dramatic boy he is, he'd curse the jar before coddling you endlessly and cooing at any pain he may have caused.

vernon -

he'd help you out with random household necessities very nonchalantly. he's not much a homemaker, leading you to take care of most things around your home. it was fine, though, because he would help you out whenever you asked. you wouldnt even really have to tell him what you needed, as he'd know from habit. if you neared him with a jar in hand, he'd already know to put his phone down for a moment and open it for you. if he struggled with it, he'd put a bit more attention and effort to it, but that would only lead to his hand slipping from the lid. without realizing, his hand would land on your nose, making you yelp a bit. he wouldnt go crazy with the apologies, but would feel a little flustered and say something along the lines of 'shit. sorry, babe' and offer a hug as an apology.

chan -

you asking him help to open up a jar would make him feel dependable. being the youngest in his group, he tended to feel like he depended on others a lot rather than the other way around. you were a nice change of pace. if the jar was too tight for him to open, he'd grow a little sheepish, his ears maybe turning a little red. whats with this jar?! but no jar could beat the prowess of lee chan. he wasnt about to let a measly jar embarrass him in front of his s/o. but what he would let happen, apparently, was for his hand to slip and land swiftly against your chin. in this situation, he'd immediately drop the jar and baby you as he coo'd at your reddened chin, scolding himself for being so careless.

[rrat-king]

walk with me bird,,, thinking about kristen's lack of self preservation especially in sophmore year- she does crazy shit again and again and it is funny but like. when you actually look at it, its like this elaborate performance. so much going on in kristen's brain, losing her family, (we know she's clearly still thinking about it with the start of sy being her returning to her brothers) losing her religion and then recreating it and still feeling lost.

all her life being full and told that this is the thing- that will protect you as long as you are good so kristen is good and then realizes oh. i was meant for something terrible actually, my church who vowed to protect me is actually trying to make me a hellmouth. like oh. great well i dont feel safe in that anymore, im always arguing with my parents because even they are still polluted with their religion but she lets it go she tries to find something else. and then she ends fy with her new religion and immediately doesnt like it, over the summer it still doesnt click and she changes it again, she puts her faith or even lack of it at the forefront as she does these insane choices, like a leap of faith. like oh someone has got to save me if i do this- surely someone will. (also pushing my agenda of kristen's faith eventually forming into believing in her friends bc they are the ones who always save her not the gods even though i do love cass)

like ally talking about chaos not being cute anymore really makes me think of all this- because it's like kristen being like oh well if it goes wrong than at least it's some sort of relief from this pressure of being something and at least im not plagued with thinking about not being good enough for my own parents. like her being so not aggressive but trying to counter sandralynn too- like not wanting to view her as a parental figure but as a person. kristen like almost tries to parent her in a way which sounds weird but its very like she can't turn it off in her head because she's been raised with expectation so she does feel on the same level as adults when in reality she is not but kristen believes like oh i can solve this here maybe u shouldnt be doing this thing in her relationship. i think part of it is kristen not wanting to see a parent become better and then have to wonder why her's didn't. like was she not enough for them to want to me better. it's so complex i adore kristen's character and it kinda surprises me how often she becomes very 2d in the fandom but alas, many thoughts about her

i am absolutely walking with you. i love what your talking about with her dynamic with sandra lynn (which. i will always be crazy about her and sandra lynn they are just both so intersting in thier relationships) but yeah it makes a lot of sense that she doesn't know how to properly interact with her if you think about the amount of pressure she has been given to be a spiritual leader through church or if you hc her as a parentified older sister to her little brothers (which i do personally) so she's not thinking about her interaction with sandra lynn as like, a regular adult cuz she hasn't really had those interactions before, especially when it comes to an adult not trusting her.

and i think that's why she just feels so insane in sophmore year, jsut like, she's going from something super rigid to something where it feels like she can do anything and that's fucking scary. like she has a place to stay but she doesn't really have any parents to answer to, she has a god but she has so much doubt it doesn't feel reliable, all she really has as stability is her friends and her girlfriend, and i feel like she is just incredibly reckless cuz like, she's doing better but its almost like she has nothing to lose? but she does. and she did, and i think that was what beardsley was saying about the chaos not being cute anymore, like kristen was acting like she was invinvible at times and that not only got her hurt, but also those around her, and im excited to see how she grows from that.

[the-kipsabian]

grief, death, funerals, a hint of selfharm, what have you. your triggers, if you will

in a really weird way, all this feels just performative to me now. ive cried today so much i feel strangely numb to it all, but at the same time i still have so much left bubbling inside of me that its hard to find a proper reaction or words for it

saying goodbye to someone youve known all your life, no matter how much or how little, is. still so hard. i havent done this in over ten years. its weird. but its difficult. trying to converse with people with happy memories when yours are so mudded when you havent seen them in a few years due to both personal reasons and a global pandemic forcing you apart from the compromised. when the last thing you remember them telling you is that you shouldnt complain about breakfast foods and asking why you are going to spend the night enjoying an activity thats not typically seen as a "girls thing" in an almost mocking manner, it paints a very distorted image in your mind about how you feel, and how you should feel. it makes things feel so odd, but you cant say anything about it, because this isnt the time to talk about memories you have but dont want to keep. youre supposed to fondly remember the ones we lost and celebrate what they gave us that we can still keep using in this life we have left

i. havent been grieving very well, if im being honest. not only does losing two people in a very short amount of time mess me up even more, but i feel like ive been so selfish in the memories i hold dear and the images i keep in my mind to remember these people by. i know its how i feel and its valid, but seeing everyone else grief with positivity just.. makes me feel. weird. odd. out of place. like im doing it wrong and i dont know how to fix it

i have felt selfish more than anything. i see people around me grieving terribly for these people and while i cant relate, it eats me up inside thinking that i could be causing people this kind of pain and suffering by wanting to die. i know its not right, i.. i dont want people to feel this way if i want to finally feel better one day and see no other choice. it makes me feel selfish that i think i could feel better by making it worse for everyone else. i know this current grief isnt about me, but it has made me think about it a lot. i dont know what i feel. i dont know how i want to live, if i want to live and for how long. but i feel like i have no other option but to go on. and its selfish of me to think that i have to do it. for other people and their feelings, but not for myself. cause i havent found that thing that actively makes me want to keep going. i know it makes no sense but it feels bad. it hurts. everything hurts

you should be able to tell people you love them while they are still here. not whispering it through tears while you set flowers down on a pile of dirt that now homes them. it shouldnt be like that. i dont know how it makes me feel. i. i dont even in the end know how much i really did love them. i mean i did. i think. but its hard to feel like i did. ive been so numb for so long and not tried to mend anything in the past few years and now i cant

i dont know how to feel about anything. i dont think i can feel anything

i just wish it didnt hurt

[nerves-nebula]

Sorry bout this thing but I kinda wanted to tell my thoughts about your stuff. Im kind of hoping this will get drowned in your inbox honestly, since this is just a really long unsolicited rant of mine.

Sometimes when i scroll through your account and I encounter csa, incest and mentions of suicide in your posts I get uncomfortable but then I remember that one phrase that goes something like "Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comforted" and I just feel kinda bad bout myself.

When I was a kid my nannys bf forced me to kiss him in the lips whenever we met. I was 6. It was uncomfortable. I never did tell my nanny about it. My parents are both police people and my mother had long explained the concept of rape and how unconsensual touch is bad and you shouldnt allow that but something prevented me from telling anyone what was happening. I dont know why. I know they would immiedietly jail that guy if they did but somehow it felt like no one would believe me. I never told them until now, then when I was what, 6-8 years old? I cant even remember. Yeah somewhere around that, he molested me when my nanny was few feet away and asleep and for the next 4 years of my life i felt dirty. Desecrated. Stupid. I couldnt even look down at my naked body when i shower back then, but somehow I managed to trudge on living by trying to forget the fact it happened. Its been 8 years since Ive last seen him. Ive told anyone who I knew who doesnt care enough to be friends with me but cared enough to listen about it but my Parents are none the wiser and i plan on keeping it that way.

Also. Im a year away from being legal now. Ive thought about killing myself or just generally not wanting to exist anymore many times since then, cuz lifes equipped with motolov cocktails of "get fucked dumbass" and i somehow managed to get a coupon for at least a million of them.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

Coming back to the phrase i mentioned earlier, it feels weird whenever i feel something similar to the feeling of being triggered while looking at csa being depicted. By definition, i would be considered a victim, and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont. I see your art and it guts me. It guts me and the fact that it does also guts me, because what does that mean? I am supposed to be the comforted? Despite the fact that I was taken advantage of as a child and spent night after might thinking how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equiped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children? So i do I correspond more with those who are defined as comforted then, was i not disturbed after all? Was i victimizing myself all along? Am I a bad person for thinking i was? No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

And then it repeats.

I still go through your blog because well, i love tmnt, i love your artstyle, i love the way you tell stories, I love how you dont sugar coat csa, incest and other darker topics like body horror, erotism and sadism, i hate how much it haunts me, i love the fact i can relate, i hate how much you hurt them, i love the fact that you dont hold back, i love how you show the ugly sides of healing, i love how you depict how much people can change and struggle. Its comforting to me. Its discomforting to me. I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

And i like it. I like it somehow, like taking a nice smoke break when you have mild asthma, but like, better. Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

But yeah. Tldr. Sorry for the trauma dump and your art makes me feel complicated. Its neat 👍

lot to reply to here! also, unfortunately for you, i check my inbox obsessively and dont get nearly as many asks as you seem to believe i do.

so firstly, no snappy saying is meant to encompass all of human experience, and you certainly shouldn't judge yourself for not fitting into it. easier said than done, i know, but still. i'm gonna try to address some things here, not gonna touch on all of it, but just know that i appreciate you sitting down to write me this.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

it made me smile, but i laughed at this, because it's a very sweet look into you writing this. puts into perspective how, even though this is public, it was written TO me. like a letter in victorian times or something. that's sweet, i like that.

and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont.

you're making a lot of assumptions here that are kind of wild in that "this thought process was clearly designed by your mind to upset you specifically" sort of way. I mean, would you say this to literally anyone else when they feel uncomfortable or triggered about viewing media that relates to their trauma? There's really no telling what a survivor will feel comforted by and you aren't Doing It Wrong by having a different reaction.

there's a reason i tag it as "csa tw" and that's so people can AVOID it as well as search it up.

how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equipped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children?

i know you recognize at the end of the thought process that this is not true, but i feel the need to reiterate: there is no such thing as being less vulnerable than other children through your own actions. you can try to equip kids with knowledge that might protect them, but that doesn't make them any less vulnerable.

my dad told me about rape and molestation all the time, but he never accounted for the kinds of scenarios i was actually the most likely to fall victim to, partly because i don't think he actually knew much about childhood sexual abuse, and partly because he was more obsessed with the idea of me being kidnapped and raped/murdered than he was about forms of sexual abuse he'd consider more "mild"

No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

i can't answer that one, unfortunately. personally, i like to feel gutted, it's cathartic to me. might be something like that to you, based on how you go on to describe it, but you might also be doing some kinda self harm.

I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

saaaaame. i triggered myself into a breakdown in class once cuz i'd been reading fucked fanfiction before class and i got SAD lol.

Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

we are shaking hands over this.

anywho, no need to apologize! i am glad, if nothing else, to provide you with a strange and upsetting experience that is not entirely bad.

I really do adore hearing how my stuff makes people feel. it's like, a solid one third of the reason i do this. i still make stuff that doesn't exist to be shown off but WOW showing shit off and getting a response feels FANTASTIC. like, i'm in your head now!! you have been CHANGED by my ART. it's maybe the best part of being alive.

[royalelusts]

i love the teenage m! reader hcs you wrote for obey me! could you write some hcs with the same prompt but different characters? have a nice day!!

im glad you enjoyed reading them! i had fun writing it! i hope you enjoy this one too.

✰ mammon

⚬ When i tell you he was annoyed

⚬ Not only does he have to watch the exchange student

⚬ The exchange student is a random teenage boy

⚬ Not to mention a human

⚬ What was lucifer thinking??

⚬ But his annoyance didn’t last long

⚬ This brought opportunity!

⚬ He could plan out so many schemes using you

⚬…was his first initial thought process

⚬ How was he supposed to know you were going to get this close to his heart?!

⚬ Oh well now you have big brother mammon in your life

⚬ He definitely still pulls you into his schemes

⚬ Well he tries to

⚬ He’ll come up to you all excited telling you his next plan

⚬ Only for you to look him dead in his face and say “that is the stupidest shit i've heard all day”

⚬ >:/

⚬ Well damn you couldve just said you didnt like it and kept it moving

⚬ But it does pull him out of a lot of dumb things so its technically a win

⚬ Oh do you remember that one devilgram story where mammon left for a while?

⚬ When he came back to see how concerned you were he lowkey felt bad

⚬ Like wow i really left my partner in crime

⚬ He is your number one supporter

⚬ You got a 54 on a test?

⚬ Hell yeah lets go celebrate

⚬ He’s like one of those moms who complain about you telling him about a project at the last minute but then breaks their back to help you finish it

⚬ When you came back to the house of lamentation after chapter 16 he was the first one you talked to

⚬ More like clung to but whatever

⚬ Tbh he was the one that convinced you to come back

⚬ “Even if you’re obnoxious sometimes you’re my responsibility. I got you.”

✰ leviathan

⚬ To be honest when you first met leviathan you were kinda excited

⚬ One of the pins on his shirt (vest? jacket?? cloak???) was from an anime you liked

⚬ It was just a bit of normalcy considering the whole situation

⚬ Then he called you a normie…

⚬ YOU GAVE HIM THE MEANEST SIDE EYE

⚬ “At least im not a shut in”

⚬ …

⚬ that lowkey hurt his feelings :/

⚬ There was so much tension between both of you

⚬ It was unbearable for everyone

⚬ This also made it difficult when you needed to borrow his vinyl

⚬ And when he wouldnt let you in his room?

⚬ You did the most logical thing in the world obviously

⚬ “It doesn’t matter. TSL sucks anyway.”

⚬ WHEN I TELL YOU THE DOOR FLEW OPEN

⚬ Mammon had to drag you away before things got too heated

⚬ After the whole tsl fiasco the tension dialed down

⚬ The hatred turned into competitive energy :D

⚬ By default you are now Henry

⚬ Sorry there isn’t any room for arguments

⚬ Levi now indulges in all of your interest

⚬ You even got him interested in some of them

⚬ he keeps a lookout for exclusive items to get you

⚬ Why shouldnt you have the best items???

⚬ Late night binges and game nights!!!

⚬ Lucifer has scold you many times about staying up for diavolo knows how long

⚬ But why would you listen to an old man like him anyway?

⚬ You had mentioned that you’ve never been to a convention before and levi was appalled

⚬ He now takes you to all of them with full cosplay if you want

⚬ Lets just say everyone wants to be you two

⚬ Moral of the story y’all are besties now

✰ belphegor

⚬ “You’re bullshitting me right? I risked my life to get that stupid vinyl from Levi to get up here only to find some random guy locked away?”

⚬ …huh

⚬ The person that’s going to let him out was a human?

⚬ Not to mention a teenage boy at that

⚬ Well we cant be picky

⚬ Assumed you were gonna be easy to manipulate

⚬ …key word assumed

⚬ WHY WERE YOU SO STUBBORN??

⚬ “Even if you are a human you’re locked up for a reason right?”

⚬ No matter how much he tried he couldn’t convince you to help him

⚬ Wanted to slam his head into the wall with the headache you were giving him

⚬ Somehow you left agreeing to get the rest of the pacts

⚬ (you vaguely remembered seeing a picture of him and beel happy together so you caved)

⚬ Throughout the process though you would manage to slip past lucifer to visit the attic

⚬ You would tell belphie about the crazy adventures you’ve been through since arriving

⚬ As obnoxious as you were he did find the stories of his twin enduring

⚬ Anyway to the attic events

⚬ “See i knew there was reason your ass was locked up”

⚬ When he went in for the “hug” you socked him straight in his jaw and booked it down the stairs

⚬ *cue cat and mouse chase music*

⚬ After that things were….mhm

⚬ You refused to stay at the hall of lamentation for a while

⚬ Even when you were convinced to come back you were obviously tense around them

⚬ The first time you spoke to belphegor again was when he caught you late at night in the kitchen

⚬ He apologized but didnt blame you if you didnt want to be around them

⚬ “Its not everyday i get strangled by a guy i saved”

⚬ You both chuckled

⚬ Building trust was an extremely long process and you made belphegor work for it

⚬ Oh but when things do get better though??

⚬ MENACES I TELL YOU

⚬ Y’all can shit talk everyone for hours

⚬ Its how you two bond <3

⚬ You thought the dissing was limited to the privacy of your rooms?

⚬ You my little friend are sadly mistaken

⚬ There are codenames for people if you’re talking in public

⚬ No one is safe

⚬ Oh and if said person/demon/angel does something around you two?

⚬ Sending a single look across the room will say everything you need to

⚬ You’re now an honorary member of the anti-lucifer league

⚬ You found out that belphegor has the comfiest bed out of everyone

⚬ So now that’s where you take majority of your naps

⚬ Though if you lay down before him he will not hesitate to fall on top of you

⚬ No use complaining young human

⚬ This is your fate now

[sevenrs]

3, 16, 22 👀

violence ask game ; OPEN

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

that one guy who called slugcat shipping a time paradox is literally so fucking funny, but real answers... does it have to be on tumblr? because i can think of two i hated that i saw on discord. everything ive seen on tumblr i've personally disagreed with but i wouldn't call any of it bad ANYWAYS DISCORD a pre-downpour headcanon i saw in the official server was something like. "moon is only nice to you because she suffered :) her whole experience humbled her. if she was still standing, she'd be as ruthless as pebbles" SUFFERING IS NEVER A POSITIVE FOR ANYONE! i get this is like. not a real person but to imply that suffering somehow makes someone a better person (and not a better character) is sickening. i don't see it now that dp came out but. gross gross gross and take number 2. someone went on a rant in a discord server im in about how pebbles literally did nothing wrong because everything that led up to his situation wasn't really his fault-- moon stopped him or suns gave him the pearl. whats next. it's slivers fault for dying too? YES its information that shouldnt have been given but that doesnt mean pebbles DIDNT use it irresponsibly. he did. he was killing moon. and she was rightfully trying to save herself

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

something my friend also dislikes but. really dont like it when people depict artificer as soft. that is a war criminal perpetuating the cycle of violence that hurt her in the first place. i understand maybe sentimental about children because its a nice thought but other then that. that is someone with cold logic to justify her ruthless violence. YES she is sympathetic. but jegus. that cat sees murder for the sake of murder as an ok thing and the soft interp of her feels wrong

also uh. different thing entirely but. sorry i really dont understand sunx x pebbles. suns is very much a mentor to him and thinking about them getting together is uncomfortable to me. its the power imbalance to me. suns x pebbles isnt problematic to me (as long as you dont like. romanticize the potential abuse! my friend has seen some of that and its gross) but its a bit umcomfy

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

anything i say about spirituality in rain world. im not religious and i honestly don't know the % of buddhists and hindus in this fandom but the inspirations are real and do matter and you cant brush karma and reincarnation off as a "game mechanic" because a lot of it does make sense in universe. all of it? i cannot explain all of it, either because it really doesn't make sense or i don't have the knowledge to yet. but literally being able to die and come back is not just a game mechanic! it's part of the lore!

[wc-wild-rewrite]

Forest of Secrets reread! Honestly, i really like this one! Specifics will be at the end in the My Thoughts section but overall, 9/10

Too much weird abelistic pity though

Prolouge

Again, stretching the "bracken-colored" defintion here

Shoutout to Graypool for taking them in and keeping quiet for so long, must've been hard

Rip mosskit though

Chapter 1

3 days after the chapter 30 windclan fight

Its the gathering again, still leafbare

Atleast these two arent bickering again

Ah, exposition of the last book, we meet again

Windclan has lost an elder, wonder which one

Wow two expositions in one scene

Theres that very 2009 ... again

Oh, ive learnt it was actually 2003

Chapter 2

Again, very storyteller explanation from Ravenpaw, though it comes off far more intentional this time

Im glad Ravenpaw's doing alright

Deadfoot!!! My guy!! Love him

Chapter 3

Oh fuck sake not Spottedleaf again

This prophecy better make sense bc i do not remember water having anything to damn well do with this book

Chapter 4

Aww, bracken standing up for his mentor. He shouldnt, considering the training neglect, but its the thought that counts

I dont think im physically disabled enough to dictate the use of 'crippled' but :/

Yellowfang!!

Fireheart i dont think you get the right to feel bad about her injury when shes perfectly fine with her new path, can we have less pity please

"For Cinderpaw, crippled" again. Can we not.

See now Fireheart sees where Grey's coming from

Mistyfoot's aware of them, interesting

"Isnt she great" yeah, she is, i agree with you greystripe

Mistyfoot is shockingly calm about this. I can picture her as butch if she was anthro.

Chapter 5

Oh god, more exposition

Brackenpaw is not ginger, why is he described as ginger and not bracken colored!

Oh no they did the same for thornpaw

But that does mean they must be 6 moons by now

"For thunderclan, anyway" lmao

Polite to bring prey when meeting another clan, or elders specifically?

Chapter 6

Oo, badass grandma

Bluestar getting awfully defensive there

I like the 'thistles and thorns' as a swear

Chapter 7

Haha brokentail's being bullied by kits, serves the bastard right

Even darkstripe finds it funny

Ok damn why is fireheart so mad about this

For once i agree with darkstripe, kits werent doing anything wrong

Oof the kittypet explanation is like explaining hes adopted

"A helpless cat like blind brokentail" thats still a kit-murdering dictator, my guy

"Anxious that cloudkit may have hurt the injured cinderpaw" ok jesus fucking christ shes nearly a grown cat a kitten isnt gonna hurt her can we stop the coddling

Chapter 8

They know the term rubbish

Aww, cloud being a little teacher to ash and fern, thats cute. Cloudtail med cat au sounds interesting

Hm, brackenpaw catching a bird that nearly flew away with a jump. Foreshadowing?

Taking ol' tyranny grandpa out for a walk, eh darkstripe?

Chapter 9

I like dappletail, shes so nice

Is tigerclaw already meeting up with bloodclan? Or the remainders of brokenstar's rogues?

Princess my beloved your so enthusiastic

Chapter 10

Completely unnecessary chapter cut, but ok

Goldenflower is expecting, and already decently along, seemingly

Chapter 11

Uh oh, flooded river

I gotta admit, tigerclaw's a good deputy when hes not being evil

Greystripe has river-based trauma

Chapter 12

Crookedstar is not as soft of a leader as i thought he was

I dont like leopardfur or blackclaw

Loving graypool tho

Yeah its breaking the code but technically the code says about not letting kits die and starvation is a cause of death so theres arguments to be made their still within code

Chapter 13

I like this clan mingling, its nice

Stonefur seems like a cool guy, i like him

Oh greystripe

Chapter 14

Oh cloudkit, your tracking skills are impressive but you gotta keep that mouth shut, buddy

Chapter 15

Longtail swaggered towards him

I really like the arc 1 elders, their so fun

I like that we get to see tigerclaw being nice for a minute, even though hes definitely conspiring

Chapter 16

Almost been another moon

Tigerclaw's either really good at acting or he didnt actually expect it to break, maybe he realised fireheart's death would look too suspicious?

Chapter 17

Longtail saves the day

God i love yellowfang and her adopted kits

Wow, even tigerclaw approves of her being the medicine cat

Chapter 18

Time for the gathering, 3 days have passed

Chapter 19

I dont like Nightstar

Good job, Brackenpaw!

Chapter 20

Deadfoot nooo

Yay, morningflower!

Dont drag fireheart into this

Ok, yeah, bluestar kin reveal, but can we focus on Yellowfang saying "adopted clan?" Thats adorable

Chapter 21

Hell yeah, Brackenfur! I love him so much

Oh, poor greystripe, silverstream's death scene hurts to read

And cinderpaw! Poor girl did her best

I like how tigerclaw is just utterly shocked, he didnt see this coming

Chapter 22

Ah, goldenflower had her kits! Welcome, bramble and tawny

Speckletail shut up, wheres mistlekit?

Good to see Goldenflower's had a change of heart

Aww cinderpaw noo

Interesting that tigerclaw respects medicine cats so much

God i love yellowfang so much

Ah, theres the kin reveal

Chapter 23

God, bluestar's explanation is chilling, i can feel her suffering

Oh, great, sandstorm's back to hating them

Chapter 24

Two days since silverstream's death

Ah, willowpelt's expecting. And theres that ol' whitestorm discourse

In cloud's defense, has anyone actually told him the code?

I think Cloudpaw has been adopted by the elders

Chapter 25

Princess!!! And cloudpaw's growing on me, i think i like him

Chapter 26

Always love more cinderpelt and yellowfang content

Half moon ceremony, yay

Cinderpaw gave a joyful wiggle!!!

I love cinderpaw so much, but someone get this girl in therapy

Fireheart can we stop the pity when shes clearly very happy

Ah, heres tigerclaw's big traitor moment

Chapter 27

Brokenstar you coniving mangy bastard

Yeah, go Thornpaw!

Tigerstar giving his evil monologue there, love that for him

Chapter 28

Pin the bastard!

Oh no, bluestar, you good?

And whats this! Riverclan with a steel chair!

Au where tigerclaw just fuckin bleeds out while being pinned

Darkstripe and Longtail stay, smart move, you two

Ok, good, dustpelt's not a complete asshole, then

Chapter 29

Au where brokentail joins thunderclan

Also yikes his death was dark

Im pretty sure thats not how yewberries kill, though

How do you scratch your tounge?

Spottedleaf really said do not be afraid, ok biblically accurate angel cat

"Oh spottedleaf" wheres that "we're really in it now' meme

Chapter 30

Whitestorm being great as always

I like the crowfood being used as an omen

Aww, goldenflower considering them as her own

Ough, poor fireheart (and greystripe)

My thoughts

9/10, definitely much better than the second one. Too much abelistic pity, though, so a point removed. I don't have any complaints for this book aside from that, really. Spottedleaf was mildly less prevelant this time, which is good. Tigerclaw's evil reveal and exit were cool, and silverstream's death hurt me way more than i thought it would. Overall, good.

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

reading yaoi for the plot

recently i seemingly entirely stopped my life for a week to read the visual novel Slow Damage.

i dont really play vn’s (reading in front of my pc is HARD) nor do i read that much boys love (i am a bit of a gayboy by nature, so im not opposed to it) so what drove me to absolutely devour this one.....i honestly dont know. i would never have bought it for myself but my bestie gave it to me. so here we are.

slow damage is a game that you Could play. maybe should and maybe shouldnt. its sad and since it deals with self harm, suicidal thoughts, violence, sexual violence and rape, child abuse and just about every other bad thing you can imagine.......... man that shit can be depressing as hell. and since its a eroge, they are out there sexualizing shit they really SHOULDNT.

AND I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!! all those “fiction doesnt affect reality” talk some people do is bs in my opinion. yes, you probably wouldnt hurt people irl bc youre reading this rape scene. but YES, bad porn will still condition your brain negatively in the long run.

anyhow. slow damage is pretty damn self-aware. dont get me wrong man, i love the game so much. and yet, and yet.

its so deeply important to me how the game really pictures.... unconditional love between friends and multiple different endgames that finish the story Well for the protag. he can attain salvation and peace. whether it means never touching the wounds of his past or confronting it headfirst. either way he can go through the worst of the worst and end up better. or worse. its all so fickle but thats the good part right. mental health is very sensitive and as a chronically sick person, he is so so vulnerable. (not madarame. fuck everything to do with him. i think theres a storytelling and character study merit to his ends as well but this paragraph wasnt about them)

ive been thinking about talking about it but theres probably people who have. better more informed takes than i do. here are my 2 cents anyway

id love to talk about the ludonarrative dissonance that is a yaoi game with rape scenes taking a stance against rape

im also really intrigued by the setting; a very desensitized city with desensitized people, which we are supposed to see as sad, yet a lot of scenes are there for shock value

CAN WE TALK ABOUT GENDER. WHY IS SLOW DAMAGE SO FILLED WITH GENDER. ITS EVEN GOOD WITH GENDER. I LOVE THE AMOUNT OF GENDER IDENTITY TALK!!!!! WE LOVE TO SEE CIS PEOPLE TALK ABOUT GENDER. WE LOVE NORMALIZED DYSPHORIA TALK. BUT ALSO I LOVE HOW SENSITIVE THE TRANSLATION WAS ABOUT ITS TRANSFEM/GNC CHARACTERS

the fact that the game has an Entire big arc about gaslighting and an abusive relationship, that makes the protag really really internalize selfhate and doubt and makes that mindset smth that he wears like a protective “its just us two against the world” shield. its so sad yet so close to life

the protag, though horribly abused and traumatized, has the advantage of having a very functional very very loving support system in the form of his two best friends, one of which happens to be a doctor. can you imagine how much worse this could be. im constantly aware of it

thinking a lot about how much class plays a role in the last route and towa and fujieda only start to get along once their perceived differences are lifted, in fact them being “the same” is of fundamental importance - but also undermines how unbridgable their differences would have been otherwise

deeply in love with the fact fujieda, as someone who studied law and has been dealing with courts professionally, is this huge vigilante. bc he doesnt trust justice to happen unless he does it himself. and towa is important to him, but ultimately his own goals are just a bit more important than towas comfort. i love when characters have spines <3

on a related note, i also love when characters dont have spines. taku is literally my fav. the fact hes a human sanctuary contrasts so beautifully with him withholding vital info, constantly telling white lies, being conflicted about Everything, but eventually going to jail bc he thinks he Deserves it

how and why is eiji a metal gear solid character stuck in a pokemon characters body

[snickerdoodlles]

nimona fix-it that i'm not writing. may properly clean this up when i have more brain space

(tags originally from this post)

this has been sitting in my drafts for. months. as i tried to gather my thoughts beyond a big hearty Yeah.jpeg #honestly? what would've made the movie work a lot more for me? #is if during nimona's freak out over the kid being scared of her/calling herself a monster #ballister had turned to her and gone ''uh. aren't you?'' #because i think it wouldve helped them better tie several themes in the movie: first that nimona does not actually want to be destructive. #that's very much her lashing out in a ''you call me the monster? well ill BE your monster'' #but it comes from a place of emotional pain so directly facing with the consequences of it understandably sets her on a spiral #second is ballister's own spiral of going ''burn me? fine i burn YOU'' and parallel him hitting a similar spiral nimona had for contrast #third. i dont think ballister's prejudice should have been prompted externally. #the movie like. doesnt actually want to/doesnt trust itself to deal with its characters actually being prejudiced #which is why ballister's turning away from nimona had to be prompted by the director through his ex #to give him an easier rejection of it and reconciliation with nimona (to give ALL of them an easier rejection/reconciliation of their #prejudice with the exception of the director. who just dies.) #if ballister had called nimona a monster in that moment i think it wouldve helped illustrate a few things better: that societal prejudice is #ingrained deeper than most people realize. ballister would have fully accepted nimona as a monster but not recognized that he shouldnt be #thinking of her AS a monster in the first place. theres still something inside him that he needs to finish unpacking and heal. #i think it also would have shown better how people who are victims of prejudice can still perpetuate it. making it so that ballister had to #be externally manipulated to enact that against nimona undermines the message of harm by societal prejudice that the movie tried to send #also i just think switching up that betrayal wouldve made for a smoother sequence of events in movie. ballister calls out nimonas destruction #and reveals he still has ingrained prejudice. nimona runs and ballister can even still run into his ex again afterwards. and if they want #to keep nimona's backstory the ex revealing that to ballister could instead be how ballister realized how wrong he was in the first place #itd give context to realize the extent to which he hurt nimona with his thoughtlessness and work better to prompt him running out to #reconnect with her. and fix that 'change the narrative' line because as is its like???? kinda hanging in the breeze as is oof #ANWYAYS tl;dr--nimona falls apart for me because the movie wants to tackle heavy topics but doesnt want any of its characters to act out in #any truly problematic ways. so ALL the bad as to fall on one specific villain (whose so much of a prop she only gets a title and not a name) #that they can just kill at the end and absolve the entire town of their 'sin' (prejudice). its v much the christian theme of the#sacrificial goat+scapegoat actually. the director stops representing prejudice and is just there to give everything a clean resolution #it has a lot of the pieces but its too…timid to really dig into and address them. this prejudice isnt the only one but my tags are SO LONg #nimona

[nonclassyparty]

and the san part 😭😭😭 it's all what yn could do for san but what can san do for yn? love sometimes just isn't enough

Well I assume what yn can do for san is love him whatever he does, and what he can do is at least get to know her? give it a go? see what they can be? ofc if he can't then he can't, he doesn't owe her love & can't be forced but he should at least grant her the possibility as all he's been doing is saying no with no explanation. he's been judging her for so long

tho his kinda guys quickly get swallowed by their pride and just bc homegirl is rich they'll have this inferiority complex and make everything a problem. what if her parents disown her or she decides to go make a life of her own, which will make her financially san's equal, what then?

& what can mingi do for yn? what can yunho? what can any guy? a relationship goes both ways and being there is already giving. but legit question bc I'm curious, what in your eyes can the other guys give?

I think I should get a diary instead of making your ask page my brain dump place hahaha

the worst thing you can possibly do for san is love him no matter what he does bc he said it himself in the teaser (and we'll learn so much more about him in the next chapter) he is selfish and he will use that love to his advantage bc he knows she'll always take him back/forgive him. and san is san, he'll fuck up and he'll hurt people and he'll hate himself but he still won't stop doing what he knows is wrong because some cycles are simply too much work to break and hating yourself is easier. this does not make him a bad person (please however reads this do NOT come into my askbox dragging him😭 idk why im so weirdly defensive over him, probably bc im the one who created his character but also bc i usually dont think people like that are bad people just really sad people)

he doesn't dislike that yn is rich, he feels like yn is ungrateful.

and what can mingi and yunho (still cant believe im even counting him in this it rly came out of nowhere) can do for yn is show her what it means to be loved. they dont struggle with the concept of it, i'll use yunho for example bc he's barely mentioned in the story so far but yn already managed to figure out that he's not scared of commitment, dating, even knows the type of girl he usually goes for etc etc (altho the way yn explains it in the first chapter sounds rly bad but thats bc its her perspective of him which isnt exactly good at the moment). and all this sounds like im saying u shouldnt date people with baggage or something and thats not what i mean at all bc yn has a ton of baggage as well so i just keep wondering how can two people with so much baggage and who are confused about love as much as they are know how to love each other and for it to be healthy? who is going to show who what is the right way you should love someone or how they deserve to be treated or that theres no reason to be scared if they're both scared??

like i genuinely keep going back and forth these days bc i had one ending for the series but recently i've been thinking about another one and i keep trying to figure out how to give yn a happy, healthy relationship with any of these three guys and for it to still stay true to all of their characters even after 2-3 years of a time skip and some very much needed growth..

also i totally don't mind these thought dumps in my inbox bc it really got me thinking a lot 😭❤️

[giuliano-fan-account]

4 am Giuliano  juliano hxh Post izugiuli

Help I just read chapter 400 and unofficial translation ofc  but Guys its GIULIANO (wham smack pow dies) 

Some Mild spoiler up ahead + pprobably long Post LOL!  help Idk why my stomach hurts im probably hungry 

he looks alive and well and actually well he may have More Time before all hell breaks loose in room 1006. Because as much as I want to believe and kind of hope for there beginning to be a positive outcome I am Doubting it

Izunavi seems to actually be considering some things giuliano said about the book of Tyson or Taithon and yay now were getting more exposition for Tyson as well

Hes Got a good idea for a less... bloody outcome of the war and you can conclude from that hes beginning to hear Tyson out from his tohughts on it but Izu Do you even know the extent of the beast?? No!!! Nobody does PLEASE WAIT 

And also im just thinking shouldnt Giuli and Izu be teaching the other people nen because none of them went to kurapikas class . What will Tyson do with Nen 

Tyson reminds me of Akhenaten and I think she’s the reason why I was so entranced by Our book “Akhenaten: Dweller in Truth” or wtv in english last year.

If you dont know, He was a Pharaoh who had been so odd and shunned by everyone and pushed his beliefs of monotheism but he was Very very peaceful and forgiving and insisted that the power of love would prevail. He would say these exact words (in the second speech bubble):

I cant make this up!!!!!

Idk how historically accurate that book was, but gosh I loved comparing Akhenaten to Tyson so much in that book. 

Also like. unrelated but At least in this unofficial translation whats up with tysons pronounce Like I think what this now implies is that Tysons siblings use He and everybody else uses she bc of 1 time where Tserriednich used He and also this guy

Yea idek Im #siked to get more focus from room 1006 for ovbious reasons

Im glad to see that giuli retains his personality even though his brain chemistry has been altered slightly to be more Tyson oriented. But god I am still kind of convinced he’s doomed bc of whatever the hail that “taboo” is.

I think that the taboo is like actively harming the other princes in any way and the way that the room 1006 plot seems to be heading Giuliano and Izunavi since they are hunter bodyguards and are more knowledgeable about Nen and its huge significance in the war and stuff could maybe plot something against other Princes...

Uh oh! So since Giuliano has read the book over and over again probably he will definitely get the worst of whatever consequences there are in store for him, and also Izu is p much protected since as far as we know he hasn't even read past “Chapter One: Love Will Always Prevail” 

Oh boy wel whatever...... 

Giuliano New chapter now 

They are roleplaying and he accidentally breaks the immersion. 

I cant believe that they just straight up used the term “Roleplay” hes just like me fr but anyways Tyson shoves him into the rp like a little doorstop and he steals somebodys role

He Looks so FREAKING CUTE IM CYRING H uerrer  jjj 

So Yea I just wanted to talk about Giuliano on Giuliano Fan Account :thumbs_up:

Here is my art. That I have recently mae of Giuliano Also He officially now appears in 11 pages so I changed the name ahahaha....

I like these characters ,ther scrunkly and  you are too. or are you mippy. uuhh Well I dont know its almost 5 am now heart emoji I should go ok bye 

[insertsona]

helo. !!

HIHIHIHIHI THATS. FROM THAT ONE ASK GAME OKAY . OKAY.

uh. cw this character can get a Little Bit Dark and i dont mean designwise! please tell me if i. need to tag this with anything and i will! (not sure. what id have to tag which is why im. Not and just putting this here instead)

anyway!! anon you better buckle up because im about to introduce you to silhouette (she/her) aka possibly. one of my oldest and also most developed characters (except im going to try and. condense it a little)

silhouette who is . named very appropriately for her design . is actually. the . second oldest that still gets to see the light of day and shes gone through . mmmmmmmaybe like at least 5 seperate iterations? ive had her since april 2018!! which is four years !! so yeah this bitch has been around. a While

silhouette plays the role of the first (main) antagonist (there are several antagonists after her and theres also a few minor ones before that Link Straight Back To Her) in my oc universe and god is she terrifying in concept! theres a lot about her that. makes her feel a lllittle overpowered but shes not invincible i prommy

silhouette is a being built from negative energy and . doesnt need to eat/drink she. instead feeds off of negativity and shit in a radius around her . the more negative energy, the stronger she is, and the wider the radius she can kind of. feed from .

there is a limit to how much she can feed off of before it. stops affecting her so she cant just become invincible or whatever and shes never even really hit that limit anyway

silhouette has. a couple of abilities! most notably mind control (even at her strongest its possible to break from but it does become Very Hard), telekinesis, telepathy, and what is essentially just. silhouette , an empath: i can sense you feel like shit (she can sense the emotions around her)

speaking of the. sensing emotions around her whats interesting about that is silhouette may be able to sense and register how the people around her are feeling but . she doesnt register how She Herself is feeling . like. shes not emotionless per say but she sure as hell doesnt actually register shit about what shes feeling .

also! silhouette, unlike basically everyone else in the universe, runs by what i can only describe as video game logic ! she wouldnt bleed out if you stabbed her and even if you shot her in the face or something the liklihood is she Wouldnt Die, because silhouette runs off of essentially a HP stat instead of. actual normal logic . she can feel pain but it only really affects her at extremes because otherwise its just something she can shrug off . maybe break her femur or cut her arm off that would get a reaction .

generally speaking silhouette is Very Violent and shes hurt (both emotionally and physically) a Lot of people . shes Killed a lot of people . silhouette goes to any extreme to get what she wants and god she will Get It even if it means hurting everyone around her and she Enjoys doing that . she is violent and cruel and controlling and will not hesitate to kill maim bite violence anybody who gets in her way

since silhouette doesnt actually need a mouth , she . Shouldnt have one however this bitch oftentimes just. forces herself to have one . whenever her 'mouth' is open its . shes not supposed to have that she is Actively Tearing Open Her Face to do that .

oh also another fun fact while on the topic of silhouettes face. shes supposed to have . 5 eyes but the other three are . a tiny bit permanently melted shut ! she is literally falling apart

anyway im stopping before this gets too long but please please ask me more about silhouette i have so much to say abt her and her violent evil acts

[gaoau]

一 ; one ; uno

it's so cold warnings — none. word count — 4.0k

next.

ive long realized plenty of things i never needed—the past is never behind us, the present is fleeting, the future doesnt exist. theres a wrinkle in the sands of time. theres a fault in the fabric of the universe. there are many flaws everywhere i look. sano manjiro lies dead before me. mikey lies dead before me. blond hair and a dragon tattoo because we both miss ken. black hair that makes him look too much like shin. white hair and dark bags covered in tears. how many times have i seen this already? why have i seen this already? everything is broken. its disastrous and confusing and suffocating. i dont understand what im looking at.

i remember, just seconds ago, i was busy beating up some random guys from a rival gang. theres a reason we rule over the kanto area. we dont back down from a fight. so where did i go? where am i? why am i seeing this now? these are memories of a future i dont have. these are memories of a future i shouldnt have. its enough to drive me insane when i think that this is all i get for being next to mikey. i hold my breath and choke whenever hes around. that intoxicating grace of his, the one that sets him apart from the world, has been flooding my senses for longer than i can take. and i let him, because i want him to be happy. this is all i get; blood, gore, pain, death, loneliness.

i dont want to think about mikey any longer. ive done all i could, it seems. id just like to be free for one moment. i still see it all, futures im not a part of, futures that takemichi has made sure to change.

he wears that godforsaken dragon tattoo like a brand on his neck. long hair hes kept dyed through the years because he doesnt want to cut it off, but he doesnt want me to style it for him. i look at him and i see ken. its torture. the years have gone by, im still by his side, he still has me locked in place. he hasnt smiled in what feels like eons. im okay with that. his smile, that empty, silent smile has always made my stomach ache. im not okay with that. hes a carbon copy of ken. we both miss him, i know. it hurts him more than me, even if im the one staring at a burning ghost all day, every day.

we're alone. im alone with mikey. im all alone when im with him. its cold on top of this building, in the corner of the world, secluded from the city weve conquered. i stretch out my legs, leaning against the wall, squinting at the reflection of led lights bending to hit my eye. mikey is still as small as ever. hes so small despite sitting on his throne like this. the gun i hold weighs on my hand. neither of us know how to properly handle guns. weve been drowning in this business for over a decade, but we're very clearly still children.

the safety clicks as i press the barrel under my jaw. "itd be so easy, dont you think?" the sound of my voice calls to him. its the only familiar sound in his life. its why ive been staying with him. i couldnt save him, but at least he still clings onto me like this. hes had me trapped for so long that i seem to have forgotten i was ever my own person.

his darkened eyes shift towards me so slowly. i see his face twist into a panicked frown. "whatre you doing?" he doesnt move from where hes sitting against the wall adjacent to mine. he reaches with his foot to tap my knee. stop, hes trying to say, dont even think about it. hes scared, i can tell. ive learned to read him like the open book he is. his light has grown dimmer through the years. hes angry, i can tell. hes wondering if ill leave him, too.

"nothing," i sigh. i lower the gun and leave it on my lap for a second. "m just thinking…" and i think. yes, i think. i know i cant leave him. he doesnt let me. he keeps me tied down to him. a chuckle falls, sardonic. i point the gun at him. "i cant die before you, mikey." ive promised. ive sworn to stay by his side until the bitter end—until his bitter end.

he doesnt bat an eye. "are you gonna kill me?" its funny how he doesnt care that im the one wholl be killing him. im just making my job easier for myself. i wonder what kind of face kisaki will make when he finds out what ive done.

"do you want me to?" i know he does. tonight ill see we find peace, manjiro. im the only one who he can lean on now.

hes quiet for a second. his eyes are like black holes as they swallow up all the light. he stares straight at me without expression. then, in a whisper, he begs, "…please." he doesnt say my name. no, he hasnt said my name more than once in our lives. he calls me by that stupid nickname he made up when we were hanging out at grandpas dojo.

i cant help the soft simper pulling at my lips. hes still the same mikey i know. he still struggles with asking for help, even if its me. but he still asks; hes still vulnerable in front of me. i pat my lap, legs stretched out just for him. "come here, then," i invite him closer, ready to welcome him with open arms, "rest your head for a bit." rest before you leave.

he doesnt hesitate. he never hesitates. in a swift movement, the back of his head collapses onto me. his eyes, the ones hes kept me trapped in for all my life, they dance around the vast expanse of midnight above us. "the stars are lovely today." stars i once promised to drag down to his feet if he asked. stars i swore wed always watch together.

i hum in agreement. "thats why we're here." everyone knows that stars only come out at night. we both know we're the two brightest burning stars in the world. we sit here, where people can see us burn and consume ourselves until we get crushed. "itll be over soon, i promise." the same way i promised him forever. ill hold him until the moment he dies. 

"thanks." ah, now he chooses to use my actual name. he can be so unfair. he could save a life, but he decided to take mine away instead. under his charm, i let him drag me down. we die hand in hand.

there are no tears; not from me, not from him. it seems weve both been waiting for the other to make the first move. hes so tired and so am i. with a singed throat, the words sting on my tongue as i remind him, "i love you, manjiro." theres no other feeling in the world like loving sano manjiro. i look into his darkened gaze and deny the truth staring back at me. its all a mess, scraping away at my mind. my love and hate look quite alike.

i can hardly tell light from dark or right from wrong anymore. mikey replies, "i love you." again, he dares not say my name. i hate him. he makes me go weak at the knees, even as i slump against the wall. i wonder if its him or the cross im bearing on my back, weighing me down.

mikey closes his eyes. he wants to let go. hes letting me go. its been years and hes finally letting me go. the wind howls and screams our names in my ears as i press the barrel of my gun to his forehead. we're stars; we'll burn, we'll rest, we'll disappear. we go down together. i shoot. his body relaxes against my legs. i feel the warmth of his blood seeping through my clothes. hes free. the gentle quirk of his lips tells me hes happy hes dead. maybe im just making it up. maybe i just want to believe ive done something.

i lift my head to the sky. the gun is warm against my skin. my pulse doesnt tremble when i pull the trigger.

im free.

but we arent free. i walk into his room to find mikey slumped against a corner. hes here again, a ghost of ken. how come his eyes grow darker every time i look? i scratch away an itch on the underside of my jaw, clearing my throat to let him know im here, it's me. he doesnt bother lifting his head for me. i stand right in front of him, bare feet centimeters away from his crossed legs. ive heard what hes done. he didnt check in with me before killing our friends. if takashi dies, then i stay. if pah dies, then i stay. ken and kei died, so i stay. he knows ill follow him to hell.

it hurts me, too. he cant let go of me and hes bruising my wrists. i want him to be happy. i want him to be free. i want to be free. "takashi, pah, peh, chifuyu." the list rings with poison in both of our ears. how did we get here?

"takemicchi got away," he mumbles. i highly doubt takemichi matters much right now. we stopped trusting him long ago. he changed after bloody halloween and mikey couldnt understand why.

i crouch to try and meet his eyes. charming, deadly works of art. viral. it's been years, but he still holds me in his gaze. "never woulda guessed chifuyu was working with tora. after killing kei, i thought for sure he wouldnt forgive him." theres no sugarcoating needed. i dont censor my words. his wounds are fresh and i keep digging my fingers into his flesh to make them deeper. i make all his mistakes real for him because he wants to be scolded. he cant ask for sympathy—he only asks for cruelty.

theres a pause. a silence that hangs. it's heavy, stagnant. it pulls at the seams. "kazutora needs to go, too."

my knees come in contact with the floor as i lean towards mikey. i wrap my arms around his head, cradling him to my chest. hes still warm. he rests his forehead against me. "theres no time, mikey. you cant do this any longer." youre falling apart, manjiro. i pull my gun from its holster, cocking it as i bury it in his hair.

"set me free." he pronounces that stupid nickname, chaos of my real name. i cant discern if hes begging or ordering me.

i hum softly. he put his trust in me. "i love you." he nods. the gunshot echoes in the quiet room. it rings in my ears. i see splatters of mikeys blood on the wall. i feel his body relax in my arms. with the barrel against my temple, i shoot myself free.

a headache splits my skull apart as i watch this unwind. have i seen this before? no, mikeys hair is pitch black. im glad he doesn't let it fall over his forehead. i don't think i could bear to look at shin so much. i was adamant to cut it for him when he asked. the list is the same, though much longer. takashi, pah, peh, chifuyu, tora, the twins, hakkai, even ken. hes talking with takemichi now. it's easy to tell what mikey wants from him. im no good in this future. i don't have what takemichi has.

there is nothing left here for us. i wait among the shadows and debris, listening to mikey confess all his crimes. he veered down the wrong path. ive kept by his side all this time, holding him at his most vulnerable, but im not a savior. takemichi can save him in a way i can't. all ive done so far is push back the inevitable. mikey falls victim to his dark impulses every time. who am i to stop him? he keeps the safety of his gun on; i don't. i can save myself.

"kill me," he says. i feel like ive heard that before. it's not directed at me, though. i won't stop him. all mikey wants is to die and be free. that's what i want, too.

takemichi is, understandably, confused. he doesn't get it. maybe that's why mikey has chosen him. takemichi tries to figure out what mikeys trying to tell him. he asks about the friends hes murdered. it must be frightening for him to hear his former commander speak so nonchalantly about setting hakkai on fire. he asks about me. mikey glances at where im hidden. i catch the look in his eyes. those eyes that had me wrapped around his finger when he so intensely stared into my soul. they quiver.

hes helpless. hes scared. hes tired. hes horrified. he doesn't know what to do. he pounces on takemichi and threatens him. then a gunshot rings. it's not mikeys, it's not takemichis. and it's certainly not mine. mikey is dead. mikey is free. i swore to him that i would see him to his end. we die hand in hand, don't we, manjiro?

tachibana naoto, hinas little brother shot him. i remember her mentioning him to me once. ironic how hes the one to kill mikey, of all people. as takemichi cradles mikeys dead body in his arms, i step out of my waiting spot. it alerts both men instantly. naoto is wary of my presence, but takemichi believes in hope. he exclaims my name with enthusiasm. perhaps he thought mikey had killed me as well when he didn't answer. as if mikey would ever let me go.

"im just here to pick him up," i let them know i mean no harm.

naoto is a cautious man, if anything. "takemichi-kun, get behind me." id never do anything to hurt takemichi. he doesn't need to be worried about me.

i kneel before takemichi, extending my arms out. i remove mikeys burdens from his chest to take him away with me so we can both find peace. his blood smears on my clothes and i know takemichi will have a hard time forgetting this sight. mikey doesn't weigh much. it's painful knowledge.

as i haul mikey away, takemichi calls, "wait!"

there's nothing left to say, though. mikey has confessed all his crimes. mikey has confessed all his pains. "it's over, takemichi." i can't bring myself to curse him with that stupid nickname after all these years. "it's finally over." we're finally free. welcome home, manjiro. i wonder, if i smiled, would it hurt him? it'd be genuine happiness, but it's not like he'd be able to read that, so i don't. mikeys body is cold and stiff against mine. i let him rest against me, eyes closed and dried tears on his cheeks. he hasn't cried in so long. he leans his head on my shoulder. he always does this when he lets his vulnerability show. "i love you, manjiro," i remind him. hes all i have. i press my gun to the roof of my mouth. i don't get to taste it.

it's never over. my tongue feels dry when i chew on it out of anxiety. ive heard three shots. i see haru waiting behind a corner as mikey finishes his business. i didn't even glance at takemichi before i decided i couldn't do this. i wonder how much longer it'll take mikey to come up here and join me. this is the tokyo we conquered; this is not the dream mikey had. if he'd had a better moral compass, if he hadn't let ken go, if he hadn't put his trust in me, maybe this wouldn't have happened.

i hear footsteps behind me. here he is. i hug one of my legs to my chest, the other one dangling off the edge. we're on top of the world. it's a long way back home from up on this rooftop. he stands next to me in complete silence. so he's left takemichi to die. he was hopeless and helpless until the very end. i can't blame him. he's been through so much. he doesn't know how to share. he takes on all of the pain. he can only ask to be punished, because aid isn't a word in his vocabulary.

mikey pipes up, "you've been waiting for me here?" it doesn't surprise him at all. i know him like the back of my hand. this is how he takes responsibility for the last decade of misfortunes. he'll end it all.

"i couldn't bare to watch you keep making these mistakes," i reply truthfully. ive seen this before. i glance up at him and he glances down at the street. don't look down, manjiro. you won't survive this trip to hell.

it sounds like he wants to laugh. he doesn't. instead he brings back a conversation we had when we were fourteen. "that's why you're better than me." hardly. he says that stupid nickname clinging to me like a curse.

"after you." i motion towards his kingdom, to the path covered in blood and snow.

mikey looks at me briefly, quiet. then he cranes his neck up at the sky. "you won't stop me?" i see the tattoo on his nape. he put it there so he wouldn't have to look at it. it burns on his skin as it burns on my shoulder blade.

"i can't." i don't have the rights to stop him. i didn't do it in other timelines, im not going to start now. this is the only way for us to be free. it's tragic how unfortunate we are. maybe we deserve it.

how does one normally respond to a friend committing suicide? how does one respond to a friend letting them commit suicide? it's not what mikey does when he hums. "i'll see you later." he disappears into his own mind. whose face is he seeing? shins? emmas? i would hope. "everyone, let's do this!" there's a grin on his face. ive missed it. he hops off the roof and away from me.

"ill see you later."

i hear haru screaming all the way from the street. he's distressed. he's been with manjiro just as long as i have. mikey trapped him the same way he trapped me, but somehow worse. i know im not free as long as i stay next to mikey. i stay out of love and selfishness. haru stays out of fear and obsession. i know im not free, but im still my own person.

and i don't fool myself.

mikeys falling to his death, peaceful. an arm shoots out from the building and latches onto him. i smile bitterly, a sigh tumbling from my lips. "sucks that death is a bit of a bitch for both of us." i want to jump, too. i stick to my perch and swallow my pride, because im my own person, but im not. i can't die before mikey, i can't leave him alone.

i see the tears pouring out of his eyes. he begs for help, finally, for the first time in his life. it's enough to make me cry, too. he's being weak for the whole world to watch him burn himself to oblivion. takemichi scolds him. he struggles to hold on when the cross he's bearing weighs him down. twelve years of pain make him slip from his saviors grasp. there's nothing i can do.

blond hair and passive, ken's tattoo, black hair and chaos, izana's earrings. reality is broken for me, pieces of different timelines scattered on the floor. i have all these memories that aren't mine. mikey lies dead before me in a billion angles no one else can see. i don't understand why im seeing this now. i know ive seen it before. it's been two years since i last had to suffer through this. time is shattered and it hurts.

i hear that nickname ring in my ears. when i blink, mikey's corpses are gone. there's a weight in my hand and it's not from a gun. im gripping an unconscious boy by the collar. my knuckles sting. the skin of my hands is split open, bleeding. i remember now. we were wiping out a rival gang that challenged us. i turn towards mikey, trying to blink him into focus. "sorry, what'd you say?"

he stares back at me with hollow eyes. there's a tiny furrow in his brow that others wouldn't be able to pinpoint. "let's go," he repeats, nodding his head for me to follow him. i see haru and koko waiting for us behind him. they both look away when i catch their gazes.

"oh, yeah." i clear my throat. the kid im holding slips from my fingers and crumbles on the floor. his head bounces when it hits the ground. next to the blood splattered on the dirt, a tear drops. i realize it's mine instantly. im crying. i wipe at my eyes with my sleeve to pretend nobody saw me. i don't think i can explain what's made me cry like this in the middle of a fight. there's a discomfort in my throat, and remnants of a headache pulse in my temples, and the roof of my mouth itches. im still crying. the tears fall, but i feel nothing. this anguish isn't mine to feel.

i cough into my fist as i walk to stand next to mikey so we can head back. there's an open gash on his leg that he's ignoring. what's a little wound to the invincible mikey, after all? i know nobody is invincible, let alone manjiro, because i know people die, because ive killed him with my own two hands. ill take care of it for him later; mikey is my responsibility. he waits for me to join him. my shoulder brushes against his. he glares at my tears so intensely. "are you okay?" he asks quietly, like he doesn't want the two boys ahead of us to hear.

i turn my head to find his eyes. it's like he's trying to bring all my deceit to light, like im not allowed to hold secrets. i see those black holes that swallow up his own deceit. all i see, rather than the mikey right in front of me, is his corpses in variety, because i killed him, because i let him die, because that's what he wanted and that's the only way he could be free. so i clear my throat again, "yeah, just got dizzy." he knows it's a lie, instantly. my voice doesn't waver when i lie, but it gets small. he knows.

he lets silence hang for a moment. "did you eat today?"

i shake my head. "i was waiting for you." my attention flutters back to the two boys a few paces ahead. they're awfully quiet.

so is mikey. i feel him still staring at me. "okay." and he looks away, too.

[dontpunchdogs]

mind dumping some thoughts ive been wrestling with:

i struggle to genuinely connect with people, to the point i dont really understand what "connection" is. relationships, especially friendships, are often much more painful than rewarding for me. i dont know what im supposed to get out of them. i really dont get anything, except maybe a distraction at times.

but im a very lonely person, i ache for the concept of connection, i ache so much for love. i want to love and be loved. i want someone to listen but i have nothing to say. i want to listen, and i have for so long, i do my best to care for and support people - but honestly, everything bores me. everything's hollow.

what do people get out of friendships?? what is it supposed to feel like? i just find myself empty, or let down, hurt, and ignored. i've decided for the longest time that that's okay, im just sensitive, it's worth the pain, i have to forgive and keep trying and giving it all i have - but why? what am i aching for?? does it even exist???

you cant expect people to be perfect, or to fill the void in you, or anything like that, and i dont!!! but its. its so consistently empty and disappointing. it's everyone ive ever met. it's very rare that i feel loved, even when i know people do love me. i hardly know what it feels like anymore.

ive said for a long time that i ignore "red flags" a lot, because if i didnt, i wouldnt have any friends. maybe i shouldnt have any friends. it'd make my life a lot easier, if a bit more boring. but i still ache. i dont get it.