Thinking about Vulcans prizing “calm” over “happiness”.
Like how humans look back on their childhood and remember how happy it was - joyful days spent running around in the sun, getting into a bit of trouble, laughing with peers and family - that’s how they know it was a good one.
Meanwhile Vulcans might look back on their childhood and remember how peaceful it was. Quiet days spent studying, the warm glow of candlelit lessons in caves, getting along smoothly with ones peers - that’s how they know it was a good one.
Humans typically chose their friends and romantic partners based on if this person makes them feel happy above all.
The question of “Do you like being with them?” is interpreted to mean “Does being with them make you feel happy?”
But since Vulcans don’t experience (or strive for) happiness there would have to be some other parameter.
So I was thinking about like, what is a good relationship to a Vulcan?
There’s obviously a big emphasis on ‘togetherness’ in Vulcan unions. The Pon Farr ritual Tuvok does with his [hologram] wife involves them committing to becoming “Two bodies one mind” and it’s stated that they give and receive from each other all that they are. There’s also of course the iconic “Never and always touching and touched”. This is all (as was said during T’Pol & Koss’ wedding) “The Vulcan heart, the Vulcan soul, this is our way.”
Vulcans are also (ENT) expected to live together for at least a year after being married - I imagine so that they can bond with and get to know one another.
In SNW T’Pring wants for Spock to honor the commitments he makes to her so in that case T’Pring values Spock keeping his word to her and placing her above other things.
I see a bit of Tuvok in that, where he prizes his commitment to T’Pel over anything else to the point where he’d nearly rather die than break it:
(Even though he eventually agrees to having sex with a hologram it MUST be of his wife and he lets Tom/The Audience know that he will NOT be making a habit of it. There’s no ironclad logical reason for him to react this way as a hologram is not a person but his commitment to T’Pel seems to take precedence and I believe that’s his reasoning. His bond with T’Pel is logical, sustaining and important to him and he’s loath to break it over some bodily need. some desire that will pass even if it kills him.) <- By this way of thinking, betraying T’Pel would be the emotional choice while remaining loyal to her is remaining loyal to his logical self.
A strong emphasis on loyalty to one’s mate seems to be a common Vulcan trait. In the beginning this seems to be rooted in tradition but later on its probably assumed that the couple will be loyal to one another out of some sort of actual connection between two people as opposed to pure obligation.
In ENT T’Pol says that a certain degree of “affection” is eventually expected to happen within a marriage (though the way she says it makes me think this doesn’t always occur and isn’t necessarily The Goal) and her mother says that she and her husband developed a “deep connection” to one another.
All this makes me think that a connection and a sense of ‘togetherness’ or ‘compatibility’ would also be prized over more emotional things like a passion for one another. It’s a partnership above all and that would be prized over a romantic union.
It makes me think of Vulcans’ roots in violence and war. Maybe this commitment to a steady togetherness, two people who don’t know each other being able to work together so seamlessly they nearly become one, is a way to show they’ve moved beyond that despite the pon farr remaining.
Vulcans are a naturally very emotional species. Someone who incites that would probably not be seen as someone you should spend your time with. Someone who makes your heart pound, sets you ablaze, fills you with passion - that sounds like a bad Vulcan time v_v
Tuvok says as much when he talks about how he was struck with “shon-ha’lock”. Humans wouldn’t see anything wrong with having a crush on someone (and indeed in that episode Tom only comes to the conclusion that it’s a shame Tuvok couldn’t act on these emotions) but it’s obvious that even a teenaged crush when uncontrolled can become a very big problem to a Vulcan.
In one of the Star Trek Novels Tuvok even stops being friends with and talking to a girl because she tearfully admits she has feelings for him and he sees that her feelings for him cause her pain.
Instead of thinking “Oh, she really likes me, good! We’re close friends so maybe we can make this work.” or even “I don’t like her romantically but since we’re close friends we can work through it.”
Tuvok thinks “Oh, she really likes me. That must be causing her to become very emotional and I can see she’s clearly upset. I’ll remove myself from her life so my presence doesn’t incite those emotions anymore.”
And while him flat out just cutting himself out of her life might seem weird and kind of cruel and a frankly hilarious reaction to someone confessing their love to you - I also think it’s something he thought of as a kindness. If his presence harms her (stirs up emotions in her) then he will remove himself to keep from harming her.
Along that vein, calmness or the absence of strong emotions would be a good relationship and one worth staying in. Not that there can’t be any emotions (Tuvok and T’Les obviously care[d] deeply for their respective spouses) but that they must be controllable and able to be cast aside in the face of logic.
I also think that “knowing” the other person would be considered very important (after marriage of course). If you’re to operate as a partnership, a team, and especially if you’re both telepaths you should be able to know your spouse pretty damn well. I see T’Pring attempt to do this in SNW where she is constantly fighting to get to know Spock which Spock self-consciously discourages since he’s been told/shown that his human side is unappealing to Vulcans.
But yeah man idk...just picturing a Vulcan and a human talking for hours...walking along the beach...sleeping side by side...getting to know one another...and at the end of it all one says “You make me feel happy” and the other says “Your presence calms me” and it means, essentially, the same thing.
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wip wednesday
Callebero had never hated anyone until he met the Capallan king. He had not known how much he did hate him until he saw the walls of the city rising from the sand, how that hatred could fill him like a scouring flame until he was sick on how much he wanted him to suffer.
Devolt stood before him now, with grey curling in his hair and new wrinkles by his eyes and mouth, and Callebero felt—tired. Spent.
He had had chances to kill the king before. He had not stayed his hand out of mercy or a sense of honor or nobility. First, when he took Tikana, Callebero had let him live because he would live the rest of his life with the weight of Callebero’s boot against his neck and he would not be made a martyr to rally his people in rebellion. Then, when he had attacked the camp, Callebero had spared him because Jisel, incomprehensibly, did not want her father to die.
Catterik had been furious. He’d fumed, seethed, hissed out all the ways Jisel was implicated in the attack—her arrival the night before, the blood on her hands, the knife shoved in her belt. When Callebero did not sway in his decision, he’d subsided only because Callebero was Alir’s child and Catterik loved Alir.
sometimes Callebero takes after his mom in military focus and legacy and sometimes he takes after his mom by getting a military commander to fall hopelessly in love with him
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One of the things I love with Parallel City is that it didn't shy away from making choices and holding yourself responsible of it. June could've stayed with Min in Earth 2 without violating his principles; he could've lived there with his parallel brother and father in peace. But it does make sense that he returns to Earth 1 with his real brother. June had always believed it's his fault* D turned into a selfish, opportunitistic murderer. I was expecting that when D was cornered by Min and his allies, June would shoot him since he has the responsibility to end the monster he created. But he didn't. He shot the zombies approaching D instead, and that was the most heartbreaking part in the series. It wasn't heartbreaking because June used Min, betrayed and gave him false hope, sure, that scene hurts, but it was heartbreaking to see your own brother get beaten up like a rabid dog, while also acknowledging his sins. And June just.... couldn't hate D enough to let him die. From the very beginning, June had always planned to get his brother home, to where he belongs, with him. Even if D got infected and almost died, he didn't give up on his brother. Even if D lost his arm and leg, June willingly took on the duty to care for him. June did all this not because his brother is his responsibility, but also because of his love for him. He didn't just shy away from his responsibility, June embraced it.
Min understood all this. Not only that but he also appreciates what June did for both of his brothers. Min knew he could never replace June's brother—although they share the same appearance and name—just as how June could never replace his own older brother. But the time they spent together was enough to fill the love they long for to receive from a brother; it was enough to close the gaping wound of grief.
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12 Emotional Wounds in Fiction Storys
Betraying a Loved One. Your character made a choice, and it backfired, badly. They betrayed someone close to them, maybe on purpose, maybe by accident. Now, the guilt’s eating them alive. They might try to fix things, but can they even make up for what they did?
Guilt Over a Past Mistake. They made a mistake, one that cost someone else. Maybe it was reckless, maybe it was a dumb decision, but now it haunts them. They can’t stop thinking about it, and no matter how hard they try to make things right, the past keeps pulling them back.
Survivor’s Guilt. Imagine surviving something awful, an accident, a disaster, but someone else didn’t make it. Now your character is stuck asking, “Why me? Why am I still here?” They push people away, convinced they don’t deserve to be happy or even alive.
Feeling Powerless. Your character is trapped, maybe in an abusive home, a toxic relationship, or just in life itself. They feel stuck, with no control over their own future.
Being Wrongly Accused. They didn’t do it. But no one believes them. Your character has been falsely accused of something serious, maybe even a crime and now they’re fighting to clear their name. It’s not just about proving their innocence, though. They’re also battling the pain of being abandoned by people who were supposed to stand by them.
Public Humiliation. They’ve just been humiliated in front of everyone, maybe it’s a video gone viral, or they were betrayed by someone they trusted. Now, they can’t even look people in the eye.
Living in Someone’s Shadow. No matter what they do, it’s never enough. Someone else, a sibling, a friend, a partner, always shines brighter. They feel stuck in that person’s shadow, invisible and overlooked.
Abandoning a Dream. They had big dreams, but somewhere along the way, life got in the way, and now they’ve given up. Maybe it was because of fear or circumstances beyond their control, but the loss of that dream has left them feeling empty.
Childhood Trauma. Something happened to them when they were young, something painful that still affects them today. Whether it was abuse, neglect, or a significant loss, the trauma follows them into adulthood, shaping how they see themselves and the world.
Being an Outsider. They’ve never felt like they fit in, whether because of their background, their personality, or something else. They long for acceptance but fear they’ll never find it.
Struggling with Addiction. They’re caught in a destructive cycle, whether it’s with substances, behaviors, or even people. The shame and struggle to break free from addiction are real and raw.
Living with Chronic Illness. They’re living with a chronic illness or disability, and it’s not just the physical challenges that weigh them down, it’s the emotional toll, too. Maybe they feel isolated, or like they’re a burden to others.
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