#and/or because they think the worse taylor got off in the breakup the easier they can explain away her appalling rebound choice

[jakeperalta]

sorry to be a bitch but I just have to say it. the way a lot of swifties are theorising on the whole breakup scenario is giving gaylor energy honestly... "I know this is what happened because taylor signalled it to us by shaking her head in that way during that song she is clearly sending out a message" like please...... you do not know this woman........

[ohmyjinsus]

i wish you would

choi yeonjun x gender neutral! reader

exes to ??? || 2.3k

I’ve started this new thing where I put all of taylor swift’s songs on shuffle and write a fic based off the first one that comes on (let's see how long this lasts lmao) - this is the first one uwu

summary: after impulsively breaking up with yeonjun, you realize that was the stupidest decision you’ve ever made and spend the rest of your week wishing you could have him back (idk just go listen to the song)

“I can’t do this anymore.” Your voice is so quiet, you aren’t even sure Yeonjun can hear it through the phone.

“Is this because of last night?” He asks. “I’m sorry y/n, I know you’re busy with school. I didn’t think you’d want to come.”

“No.” You don’t mind that he went to a party without you. He’s right, you would have said no anyway. “I heard you were getting a little too friendly with some people.”

“Are you jealous?” He sounds shocked. “We’ve been together for 2 years, you know I would never cheat on you.”

“I know,” you reassure him. “I’m just worried.”

“Worried about what?” His voice is softer now.

You wish you were having this conversation in person so you could see his facial expressions, but you’re so upset. You had to talk to him as soon as your friend called you. You’d already been insecure about your relationship these past few weeks. When you heard that your boyfriend was flirting with her, your anxiety got even worse.

“I know you love me,” you say slowly, sitting down on your bed. “But we haven’t seen each other in a week, Yeonjun. Maybe you don’t miss me as much as I miss you.”

“I can’t believe you would even think that. I don’t want anyone but you.”

“I’m sorry,” you tell him. “I just miss you.”

“I know baby,” he sounds just as upset as you. “I’m sorry too.”

“What do we do?” You grab the plushie on your bed. He won it for you at some carnival you went to ages ago. You’ve been sleeping with it ever since.

“What do you want to do?” Yeonjun asks. “In my head, I know you’re right. I can’t see you as often as I used to, but I don’t want to leave you.”

The thought of more nights like these makes you want to cry. Just a few months ago, you were spending all your time at his house. Staying up until 2am talking about everything was your normal. Then all of a sudden work and school and countless other things popped up and now everything’s fallen apart. Yeonjun’s been a constant in your life for the past two years, even longer, but the two of you can’t keep up with it anymore.

Not being a part of his day breaks your heart. Hearing about what he’s up to from other people hurts even more. You don’t know if you can handle that. You’ve already drifted apart. Staying together might just make things worse.

“I think we should break up.”

“y/n no,” he whispers. “Please don’t.”

“I can’t-”

“Can I see you? Right now?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Yeonjun only lives a few streets over. It would take him less than 5 minutes to get to your house.

“Why not?” He asks.

“I’ll cry.” Your voice gets even smaller. You hug your plushie tighter, trying to ignore the fact that it smells like him.

“y/n, I just want to give you a hug.”

“No,” you tell him, surprised at how firm you sound. “No,” you say again, softer. “I can’t handle that right now, I might change my mind.”

“I want you to change your mind.”

“Yeonjun, come on,” you sigh. This would be so much easier if he agreed with you. “I don’t want to drag this on any longer than necessary.” He stays quiet for a few seconds.

“Okay,” he says, finally. “If you want to split up, that’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” You ask. Part of you hopes he’ll fight with you and tell you he’s not leaving. Another part of you is relieved.

“No,” he admits. “Are you?”

“No.” That’s when the tears start to fall. You have no idea if you’re doing the right thing. The two of you have had conversations like this before, but none of them have been this serious. You’ve always been able to quickly resolve your issues, but you don’t think that’s possible this time. “But it’s for the best.”

“Sure, y/n.”

“Thanks.” You don’t know what to say. Yeonjun’s your first boyfriend, and this is your first breakup. You hope he can’t hear you crying through the phone.

“I’ll come pick up my things later,” he sounds like he might cry too. “I’ll text you.”

You nod, then realize he can’t see you.

“Okay.”

“I guess there’s nothing else to say then.”

“No, not from me.”

“Me too.”

“Bye Yeonjun.” You don’t even try to hide your sniffles at this point.

“Bye y/n,” he replies. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

You hang up before he can say anything else.

===

You’re sitting on the floor with Yeonjun’s sweater wrapped around you. It’s been a week since you spoke to him. He hasn’t picked his things up yet, which you’re grateful for. That’s when the breakup will be real. You wish it wasn’t. If you could go back in time, you never would have hung up the phone that night.

You’ve been up at 2am countless times, thinking about Yeonjun, being with Yeonjun, but here you are, missing him instead. Every time you see headlights through your window, you pray it’s him. When your phone lights up, you hope you’ll pick up and hear his voice.

You would call him yourself, but you have a strong feeling he hates you. Ending your relationship was a stupid decision. You shouldn’t have done it in the heat of the moment. The two of you have been through so much together, surely you could make it through this rough patch. That’s what you tell yourself.

You can’t help but wonder if he’s thinking the same thing.

===

Yeonjun hasn’t been himself since you broke up. After that phone call, he locks himself in his room for days, refusing to speak to anyone. He ignores all his friends’ messages, unable to bring himself to talk to anyone. The only person he wants to speak to is you.

There are so many things he wishes he had done differently. He should’ve been more affectionate. He should’ve told you he loved you more often. He should’ve tried harder and been better. And he definitely shouldn’t have flirted with everyone. He knows it upset you but it’s just in his nature. He didn’t mean to push your buttons like that. No wonder it’s what broke you.

He contemplates showing up at your door every day, every hour even. But he’s scared you won’t answer, or that you’ll slam the door in his face. Maybe you’d yell and cuss him out for bothering you. He doesn’t know if it’s smarter to try and win you back or to just move on and forget you.

Yeonjun can’t sleep tonight, too consumed with all the memories of you. Earlier, he found a birthday card you wrote him early on in your relationship. You signed it with “love, y/n.” Although he’d never admit it, it made him cry then. It makes him cry even more now.

All he knows is that he needs fresh air. He runs downstairs, grabs his car keys and leaves. He doesn’t know where he’s going, he just needs to get out.

Now it’s 2am and he’s driving past your house.

He’s spent countless days there, in your room, falling in love with you over and over again. Since you split up, he’s been driving by your house every day. He doesn’t have the courage to walk up to your door. He can’t even find it in himself to call you.

He puts his foot down, speeding up to get past your house quicker. He’s going 70 in a 40 but he doesn’t care. This is the last time he’ll do this, he tells himself.

But as Yeonjun pulls onto his own driveway, he hesitates. Maybe it was the card, he’s not sure. He can’t get your smile out of his head.

Something makes him put the car into reverse.

===

You know it’s late, but you need fresh air. Whenever you felt this way before, Yeonjun would take you for a walk around the block. He said it would help clear your head. He was right.

All the reminders of him are still in your room. You don’t have the energy to put everything away. It scares you to imagine life without him. But sitting alone with those memories feels just as terrible.

Stuffing your phone in your pocket, you sneak down the stairs and outside, hoping no one will hear you.

It’s weird being out here without him. You miss holding his hand and making him laugh. If you’re being honest, you miss everything about him. He’s everywhere you look, constantly in your mind.

While you think, a car comes speeding by, making you jump. Your immediate thought is to call Yeonjun. Whenever you were out by yourself, he would always come pick you up right away. You wish he would do that now. You felt so safe with him. Now, you just feel alone.

Checking your phone, you see it’s 2:15. You pull your sweater tighter around you. Yeonjun will probably come get it soon. It’s one of his favourites.

As you turn around and start walking back to your house, your phone rings. You glance at it, expecting it to be a random number.

When you see Yeonjun’s name, you almost drop your phone. Once you answer, you don’t even know what to say.

“y/n.” You almost start crying. It’s only been a week, but it feels like a lifetime since you’ve heard his voice. “Why are you out so late?”

“What do you mean?” You stop walking, wondering how he knows you’re out.

“I can see you by the stop sign.” Your head whips around, scanning the area, looking for him. “I’m on your left.”

You spot him, a few metres away, standing right by his car. When he notices you looking, he starts walking in your direction. You can’t move. Part of you thinks this might just be a dream.

Once he’s in front of you, it takes all your strength not to throw yourself into his arms. You end the call, putting your phone back in your pocket.

“You didn’t answer my question,” he says.

“Hm?” You can’t form a coherent though, you’re just so shocked to see him again.

“Why are you out right now?”

“Why are you out?” He laughs at how you avoid the question.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

You have to kiss him. Right now. The second your lips are on his, his arms wrap around you, pulling you closer. You missed this. You missed him.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you either,” you whisper when you pull away. Yeonjun’s still holding you tight.

“It’s been a terrible week,” you admit.

“I know, right?” He kisses you again. “I’m sorry, y/n.”

“Why are you sorry? I should be apologizing.” He shakes his head.

“I’m such a terrible boyfriend, I should have-”

“You came back.” You cut him off right away. “I pushed you away, but you came back.”

“I did.”

“Thank you,” you say quietly.

“I missed you too much.” You nod, agreeing with him.

Another car speeds past as the two of you stand there, in each other’s arms. That’s when you remember how late it is.

“What do we do now?”

“Let me take you home.” He unwraps himself from you, taking your hand instead. Once your fingers are interlaced, you give him a squeeze. He smiles.

“y/n, promise me something,” Yeonjun says as you walk over to his car.

“Sure.”

“Never leave me again.” You roll your eyes as he opens the passenger side door for you, but you still give him a kiss.

“Don’t worry,” you tell him. “I won’t.”

He holds your hand the entire way back to your house. Normally you would scold him, telling him how unsafe that is, even if it is a short trip. You don’t mind it today.

When he drops you off on your porch, you beg him to come inside. He laughs and tells you no.

“I’ll see you tomorrow y/n.”

“For sure?” He holds out his pinky so you do the same. Once he pinky swears, you smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that-”

“Don’t make me break up with you again.” His eyes go wide. “What?”

“So we’re back together then?”

“Um,” you hesitate. “Yes?”

“Good.” He kisses your cheek. “That’s what I wanted.” You smile up at him, glad to have him back. You really meant it when you said you wouldn’t leave him again.

“Me too.”

[the-bau-quinjet]

the evolution of breaking up

Peter x Stark!reader

Summary: Snippets of you moving on from a bad breakup, frequently turning to your best friend, Peter.

Warnings: it's sad Taylor Swift hours, some choice words,

Word Count: 3252

a/n: inspired by a playlist called the evolution of breaking up that only has TS songs on it lol. Bold is direct or paraphrased lyrics

Masterlist

Peter is 90% sure he fell in love with you the day he met you.

He's 100% sure he fell in love with you within a week of knowing you.

Hell, he's so sure about it, he would tell you if not for one glaringly obvious problem: Jared.

Your boyfriend.

Your started dating Jared a few weeks before you met Peter. That is to say, a few weeks before Tony recruited Peter to join the Avengers.

Peter didn't have any problems with Jared, and he would never wish for you to get your heart broken, but he was definitely jealous.

It wasn't hard for him to love you. The two of you became fast friends. You always worked in the lab together, improving upon tech Tony already had or developing all new creations.

You also patrolled together. Peter had always enjoyed patrolling, but now that you went with him, time seemed to fly.

It was currently about 10:30 on a Friday about two and a half years after you and Peter met. You and Peter were supposed to patrol, but Tony said to take the night off for once.

You took the impromptu free time as the perfect opportunity to surprise Jared.

You left the tower around 5:30 and Peter hasn't heard from you since. Not that he expected to since you were going on a date. He was bored though.

Tony refused to let him tinker around in the lab, saying he needed a better work/life balance. He would've found the statement funny if it didn't feel so true.

He tried calling Ned, but he was out with Betty. MJ was busy with Brad, the two going to some horror movie marathon.

The only other person he really hung out with was you, and you were also on a date.

He wondered the various floors of the tower, looking for anything to do that would take his mind of you.

Eventually, he just set up camp in the shared living area, putting Star Wars on the massive TV and eating more popcorn than should be legal.

He was nearly asleep during Episode V when the ding of the elevator jolted him awake. Someone ran through the halls, quickly opening and closing the door to their room.

He sat up, intrigued by the behavior. As he walked down the hallway, he listened for any indication of someone else being there. Obviously whoever it was didn't want to talk, but that didn't mean he wasn't concerned.

He stopped outside your door, bringing his hand up to knock when he heard music softly playing through the door.

You told me you loved me, so why did you go away?

He froze with his fist raised, uneasy with the why you would put on such a sad song. His hand fell back to his side when he heard you sing along to the chorus.

"Never thought we'd have a last kiss. Never imagined we'd end like this."

The sound of you crying grew louder than the music, urging Peter to knock. He just wanted to make sure you knew he was there for you.

Hyping himself up, he knocked lightly. A few seconds later the music stopped. He listened as you shuffled toward the door, slowly pulling it open.

His heart broke at the sight of your puffy cheeks, red and tear stained.

"Hey Pete." You managed a small smile, happy to see your friend despite the less than stellar evening you had.

"Hey, I... you probably don't want to talk about it right now, but I'm here for when you do." He matched your small smile, trying not to make you feel any worse.

Apparently, he said the right thing because you pulled him into a bone crushing hug, burying your head in his chest as you cried.

He spent the next half hour rubbing your back as you cried, having moved to sit on the bed rather than stand in the doorway.

When your tears ended, he risked talking to you again.

"Did you want to talk about it tonight?" Peter was clearly unsure of himself in this situation.

You shook your head, wiping your face with the sleeves of your sweatshirt.

"No, I... He just..." Tears pooled again, but you blinked them away. "He said forever and always, but I guess he didn't mean it."

Peter held you as you cried again, eventually falling asleep. He tucked you into your bed, placing a water bottle on your nightstand and shutting off the lights as he left.

-

The next few days, you spent mostly holed up in your room. You had a playlist of sad Taylor Swift songs on repeat, letting yourself wallow.

Peter was worried. Tony was worried. Nat, Steve, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Pepper, and Vision were worried.

"What'd she say when you talked to her?" The group questioned, all wanting nothing more than to cheer you up.

Peter sighed, wishing he had more information. "She just cried for like, 2 hours. Somewhere in the middle I asked if she wanted to talk, she said something about him not really meaning forever, and then she cried again."

They were all contemplating what to do when you walked in the room. Every pair of eyes were on you in an instant.

You sighed heavily, kind of glad you could address everyone at once. They've been like a family to you since you were born, so it only makes sense they would all be worried.

"Jared and I broke up." You felt like it was 2 and a half years wasted. You could feel the tightness in your throat threatening more tears, but you refused to cry over this boy any longer. "I'll be okay, I just... I remember it all too well right now."

You turned to your dad, eyes welling up again. "I'm sorry I ignored when you said to run as fast as I can from all the boys I ever met." You chuckled, trying to relieve the tension.

Tony pulled you into a tight hug. "You'll be okay again, princess." You nodded, leaning into the hug. Everyone ended up piling on, offering you words of comfort through the group hug.

-

A couple weeks later, and you honestly felt better. Not all the way, but enough to want to go out with friends again. You went roller skating with Peter, MJ, and Ned.

It was the next logical step, going out with friends. It made sense. It was working.

Until you saw him. Jared was there with some other girl, skating without a care in the world. Of course, he saw you. He had the audacity to smile and wave, as if he didn't just break your heart.

When he walked up to you, you knew you had enough.

"Don't you smile at me and ask me how I've been. Don't you say you've missed me if you don't want me again." You spit the words at him, trying to hide how much it hurt. You turned away from him, nearly running from the rink before you even put the skates on.

You friends followed you out, profusely denying the need for your abundant apologies.

Ned and MJ hugged you before leaving, figuring less people would be better for you. Peter took you back to the tower, trying to help soothe the lingering ache.

"I just don't understand." You whispered from the passenger side of the car. "Why would he want to break a perfectly good heart?"

Peter struggled to come up with an answer, knowing nothing he said would really fix it.

"You'll find someone else. Someone who won't break your heart." He settled on a vague nod toward the future, knowing anything else could lead to him potentially ruining your friendship.

Unbeknownst to Peter, his words broke your heart just a little more. You always had a soft spot for Peter, and the few weeks you've been broken up from Jared have made you see him in a new light.

Of course, you wouldn't make a move though. Not yet. You didn't want him to think he was just a rebound. He's your best friend. It's too important to mess up with feelings.

-

You woke up the next morning with a slew of messages from Jared.

This is me swallowing my pride... telling you I'm sorry for that night.

I go back to December all the time.

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.

I'm wishing I realized what I had when you were mine.

You deleted them immediately, not wanting to fall back into his trap. Ultimately though, you decided to respond. You wanted to lay it all out that he missed his chance. You were over him, even if it still hurt.

I've lived, and I've learned. Had you, got burned. I'm over it, Jared. Leave me alone.

Then you deleted his contact and blocked the number. He couldn't just say those hurtful things to you and then pretend like it was a mistake. He meant every word he said that night, even if he doesn't believe it now.

-

Another week went by without incident. You were all smiles all the time, really moving on from him and the pain he put you through.

Then you got a letter. It looked like a card, so you figured it was an early Valentine's card.

Opening it up proved it to be just that.

The inside read:

"I don't wanna miss you like this. I don't wanna need you this way. Come back. Be here."

Signed from Jared with hearts.

Of course you chose to open the card as soon as you got it, with everyone watching.

Your expression fell as the words sank in, knowing he was still trying did weird things to your heart. It made you question everything. Did he really care about you? Was he just bored?

You stared at the card for what felt like an eternity before ripping it up and rolling your eyes.

Of course he doesn't care. Nobody who says to your face that they never loved you cares.

"What was that?" Wanda asked, curious about the mixture of emotions present on your face.

"A load of utter horse shit." You huffed a laugh as you threw away the pieces.

"Language!" Tony called, always taking the opportunity to tease Steve.

"Well it was!" You defended, eager to move on from the conversation. They all stared at you expectantly, clearly waiting for an explanation. "It was from Jared." You were glad Peter was sitting next to you. Just the mention of his name had him rubbing your back, trying to make it easier for you.

"You know, now that I'm sitting here thinking it through. I've never been anywhere cold as him."

You felt another group hug coming on, so you quickly excused yourself to shower, reassuring everyone that you were fine.

-

You were laying on the floor, feet up against the wall, just staring at the ceiling when Bucky and Peter walked into the gym to train with you.

"Hey, Y/N." Bucky called, a questioning look in his eyes.

"What's going on in your head?" Peter added, spelling out the question for you.

"I knew he was trouble when I met him." You answered him honestly. "And yet, I still said yes when he asked me out." You shook your head, still staring at the ceiling.

"Hey, hindsight is 20/20. Don't beat yourself up about it." Bucky chimed in, knowing how it feels to blame yourself for things that weren't your fault.

"Are you offering then?" You stood up, accepting Peter's hand to aid you. You brushed any lingering dirt from your clothes, laughing at Bucky's confused expression. "For me to beat you up instead?"

The three of you had a good laugh before you got to work training.

-

Three months post breakup and you're feeling great. At least, you're feeling great most of the time.

"Hey Y/N! What are you doing tonight?" Peter questioned as he walked up beside you in the lab, pulling out the tools he'll need.

"I don't know, nothing specific I guess." You try to remember any plans you had, but nothing comes to mind.

"Perfect. MJ, Ned, and I are going to go roller skating again. I thought maybe you'd wanna come?" He's clearly nervous, unsure if this would help or hinder your progress.

You nod your head, thinking it over. "You know what, I'm in." The determination in your voice catches Peter off guard.

"Cool, um, great. I guess you're doing better then?" He's still nervous, but eager to finally get you to fully open up to someone about everything.

"Yep. Anytime I get sad, I think of something shitty he did to remind me I'm better off." You smile, knowing he was going to ask for examples.

"Really? Like what?" You can't help but laugh lightly, enjoying how well you know Peter.

"Some vague things, like how he would look at me when he was annoyed. Like those eyes add insult to injury, you know?" He nods, but doesn't really understand.

"Or more specific examples, like that birthday party where you all kept asking me about him, and I made excuses, but truth is he just blew me off. That one honestly should've been the moment I knew."

"He did what?" Peter was livid, but trying to contain the rage to that of a concerned friend rather than jealous crush.

"Eh, I'm over it. It's pretty easy to focus on the bad aspects of the relationship when it ended so badly." You shrug, turning back to the circuit board you were working on.

"How, um, how exactly did it end?" He wondered aloud, knowing you hadn't fully told anyone yet. He watched as you tensed slightly before shaking it off.

"That's a story for another time Pete." You managed a tight smile, not wanting to delve into that conversation just yet.

-

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." You mumbled under your breath.

You had been skating with Peter, Ned, and MJ for about an hour when he walked in.

Peter followed your line of sight, trying to understand your mumbling. When his eyes caught sight of Jared, he panicked.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry! I really thought this would help you this time." He rubbed his hands down his face, silently cursing himself for putting you in this position again.

"Don't worry about it Pete. I'm more prepared to handle it this time around." You laughed, watching out of the corner of your eye as Jared approached you.

"Y/N... I, uh, I've been trying to talk to you." He started boldy, not really caring that you weren't even looking at him.

You did your best to ignore him, but he grabbed your arm to stop you from skating away.

"Y/N, come on-"

"No." You spit at him, not letting him get under your skin. "People like you always want back the love they pushed aside, but people like me are gone forever when you say goodbye."

You yanked your arm out of his hand, turning back to your friends. "Let's keep skating. I have no reason to run away."

Peter watched, bewildered as you confidently skated across the rink.

-

The morning of what would be your three year anniversary with Jared felt weird. You weren't upset anymore, but the lingering nostalgia of celebrating an anniversary clung to you.

You deleted the email reminding you of the plans you were supposed to have that evening.

You sighed heavily as you walked into the kitchen, still trying to clear your head.

"You good?" Peter questioned, easily spotting that something was off.

"Yeah, it's just... I don't miss him. At all. I'm over it, but today would've been our anniversary..."

Peter nodded, trying to understand what you were feeling.

"It's strange to think the songs we used to sing, the smiles, the flowers, everything... is gone." You told him the truth, trying not to hide your feelings.

Maybe you should be over it by now, but you spent the majority of your high school career with that guy. It sucks to think it was all a waste.

He pulled you into a hug, rubbing your back to comfort you.

"I mean, not to state the obvious, but I didn't get my perfect fantasy with Jared." You huffed, rolling your eyes.

"You'll find your perfect someone." He smiled, unaware of the fluttering in your stomach telling you that maybe you already had.

"Yeah, someone who won't say to my face that he never really loved me." You muttered, feeling the rage burn inside you again.

"He's an ass." You hugged him tighter, enjoyed the feeling of being in his arms.

-

Peter slowed as he walked past your door, listening as the songs changed. He recognized the intro as a song from folklore, but he wasn't sure exactly which one.

"I'm doing good. I'm on some new shit." You sang loudly unaware of listening ears outside the door.

Peter smiled, walking away so as not to interrupt your healing process again.

Meanwhile, you floated around your room, nearly screaming the along to the breakup songs as you finally rid yourself of any lingering items relating to Jared.

"But it's wonderful to see that it never phased you!" You grinned as you threw it all away, ready to fully move on.

-

When the elevator doors opened, Peter was assaulted with the blaring sounds of none other than Taylor Swift.

Apparently, you moved your dance party from your room to the living room, thinking you had the space to yourself for a little while.

He watched as you danced around the room, singing and smiling to your heart's content.

"So he calls me up, and he's like 'I still love you' and I'm like, "I'm just, this is exhausting you know, like..." You caught Peter's smile out of the corner of your eye, fully turning to look at him as you belted out the next line. "We are never getting back together. Like ever. Noooo."

You grab his hands, forcing him to dance and twirl around with you as the song comes to an end.

"I take it your really feeling better." Peter smiles, overjoyed to see you looking so exuberant.

"I am." You nod, keeping it simple.

"No more thoughts about Jared?" He questioned, smiling when you didn't even flinch at his name.

"Nope. I forgot that he existed." You smiled cheekily, still dancing although you turned the music down.

"That's good, then." Peter smiled, suddenly nervous. If you truly had moved on, maybe now was his chance.

"Hey Pete?" You questioned, smiling shyly.

"Yeah?" He stood in front of you, unsure of where this was going.

"I realized something this morning." You whispered, nervous for his response, but dying to tell him the truth.

"Yeah?" He waited, eager to know what you were hiding.

You pressed a quick kiss to his lips before pulling back, watching as he slowly grinned.

"Why'd you do that?" He asked, stunned but grinning like an idiot.

"'Cause, I like you," you smiled, but quickly added 'but I know that it's delicate."

"I wouldn't worry too much about that." He stated, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"No?" You leaned into his touch, feeling like you were on cloud nine.

"Nope. Cause I like you too."

He pulled you in for a deeper kiss, celebrating the beginning of this new stage of your relationship.

Permanent tag list:

@averyhotchner @jesuswasnotawhiteman

[megalony]

Touchy situation- Part 1

This is a new slow-burn Roger Taylor series that was inspired by an episode of House. I hope you all like it.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @rogahs-drowse

Summary: (Y/n) and Roger still love each other even after their breakup but although they want to be together again they can’t because Roger is with someone else now. Someone who is now pregnant.

Roger Taylor masterlist

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

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The pad of her index finger had long since turned numb from the countless times that it had been swirling around the rim of the rather large wine glass sitting on the stained bar top in front of her. The large, dome-shaped glass was on its third refill of the blood-red wine that (Y/n) used to see adults drinking and think it made them like vampires.

There had been another glass much the same as this one about an hour and a half ago which had been half full of white wine which had been much drier and made her throat sting just a little. But it had taken the edge off of the two shots of murky brown whiskey she had downed before that.

Just over two hours was the time slot which (Y/n) had occupied this bar stool for which was making her bum and legs feel numb as she had only moved once to go to the bathroom.

The wooden bar counter resting in front of (Y/n) had a small circle of water soaked into it from the glass of wine and the condensation from it. There were many spillages on the wood that swept across the whole surface, apart from the area in which (Y/n) was occupying. She was much like Roger in the respect that she hardly ever spilt a drink, especially one of alcohol.

It was fair to say that by now, (Y/n) was past the point of being drunk. She felt drunk enough that now she simply felt sober. The effects of alcohol were no longer affecting her in the way she wanted them to. Her brain wasn't as fuzzy as it had been around the third glass of wine. Her memory was no longer blurry and locked up in a box in the back of her mind, that box was now open and revealing everything that she was desperate to forget. Her body didn't feel like it was made out of jelly, she felt as sober as when she had walked in and rather rudely demanded a drink.

The bartender who (Y/n) knew to be named Adam had conversed with her for the first hour. He had listened when she huffed and spoke in angry whispers about her troubles, he had refilled her drinks when asked to and he had clearly felt bad for her when she cried. But then (Y/n) simply stopped talking, and he knew better than to ask anything more.

All that (Y/n) wanted was to get as drunk as humanly possible and wake up in a different world or a different time.

She wanted to wake up and know that everything was how it should be, and not how it was right now. She wanted to wake up and know that Roger felt as bad as she did right now, she wanted him to feel worse. She wanted Roger to be suffering in the same way she was, but deep down (Y/n) knew that wouldn't be the case.

She was the one who was hurt and wallowing in pain and self-pity.

That wasn't Roger's style.

(Y/n) snapped her eyes closed when she felt the corners of her lips falling down as if someone was pulling at her strings. She hated this feeling, the way she couldn't control her lower lip wobbling or her lips from falling into a frown that kept on falling. She hated having to draw blood from her lip to pin it in place so she wouldn't be at risk of falling to pieces and letting out a drunken sob.

Her body was desperate to cry and release the pain she felt but she wasn't at home and she wasn't alone. She couldn't fall yet, she had to hold her broken pieces together whilst in public.

Knowing that the alcohol might stop her sorrow from making her break down, (Y/n) moved her hand from circling the rim of the glass to grab the thin stem so she could take a large gulp of the blood coloured wine. (Y/n) only just managed to lift the glass from the counter before a hand she instantly recognised was placed over her glass, pushing it back down again.

"I think you've had enough."

The voice that spoke was gentle and quiet. It wasn't rough or slightly grainy or thick like it sounded when singing and in recording sessions. There was a calmness to his voice that set a fire sparking inside (Y/n) because he knew exactly why she was here drowning her sorrows and yet he had to audacity to tell her she had had enough.

Turning her head to the right, (Y/n)'s half-lidded eyes were not impressed by the concerned look on Roger's face. The drummer was leaning his side against the counter which his right elbow was leaning on so his body was facing her.

(Y/n) didn't have to ask him how he knew she was here, there were only two possibilities. Since she had been here for little over two hours, Roger had either been searching for her for a while, or because he knew she frequented this bar a lot, he decided she would be here and came down now. It didn't matter anyway, although (Y/n) couldn't stop thinking about the drummer, she didn't want him here tonight. She didn't want him within her sights or anywhere near her.

"You don't get to decide that." (Y/n) surprised herself when she managed not to slur any of her words before she shrugged him away and brought the glass to her lips.

Roger leaned to take the glass from her which caused (Y/n) to take a larger gulp of the drink before he managed to take it from her. He didn't want her to drink herself into oblivion, especially when he knew that he was the cause of this.

"Come on, I'll take you home." Roger spoke in a gentle tone before he tried to help (Y/n) from the bar stool that had almost become part of her from how long she had been sat there. He winced when (Y/n) tried to fight him off before slipping from the stool causing him to grab hold of her to prevent her from hitting the floor.

When she felt she was stable enough, (Y/n) pushed and hit at Roger's chest until he let her go. His eyes watching as she brushed her hands over her shirt before grabbing her bag and haphazardly slinging it over her shoulder. She was thankful that she wasn't wearing heels tonight as she knew she would have gone head over heels if she did. The alcohol was already working its magic on her balance, causing her to sway as she tried to walk to the door.

Anger consumed (Y/n) when she felt Roger wrapping his arms around her to keep her upright as if they were a couple out on a night on the town and were helping each other home.

She didn't want his help.

"Get off." (Y/n) snapped, swinging her arms around to try and either get Roger to let go of her or to gain someone's attention so he would leave her alone like she wanted. But Roger ignored her words, keeping his arms tightly around her to hold her weight as he pushed her towards the door to the bar. Stumbling out with her before he doubled over when (Y/n) managed to get her elbow into his stomach.

(Y/n) breathed deeply and caught back her lost breath as she stumbled to turn around so she was facing him. She brushed her hair out of her face as she could already feel the blood rushing to the surface of her skin from both anger and the sudden squabble with him to get out.

"I don't want your help Taylor, so fuck off. I don't want you to try and save me now, it's too little too late."

The tiniest bit of guilt flooded through (Y/n) at her words when she noticed Roger's face fall. He wasn't trying to make a big scene or do some big act to try and make up for everything or make it all better, he was simply trying to get her home safe because she was very drunk and he knew she was doing this because of him.

"I get that you're upset but you don't have to act like it's all my fault." Roger snapped back in defence, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets as he advanced to stand in front of (Y/n). Both of them now stood by the side of the pub that would most surely be closing within the hour. Roger tipped his head down for a moment to try and calm himself down but he couldn't help but feel riled up. He understood he hadn't made this situation any easier on (Y/n) but he wasn't completely to blame here and she couldn't act like he was.

"Yes it is-"

"No it isn't. I moved on with someone else, which for the record is what you did as well so don't act like I cheated on you or got with someone when we were just on a break." Roger was with someone else now but it wasn't like (Y/n) hadn't moved on. She had gotten with someone else, even if she wasn't with that person now she had still moved on from their relationship.

Roger never cheated on her or simply got with someone else when they were supposed to be on a break. He hadn't gone behind her back or hurt her in that kind of way.

(Y/n) couldn't help the tears that fell from her eyes. Roger moving on wasn't exactly the part that she was blaming him for and he knew that. She hadn't moved on, she had only tried to by being with someone which hadn't worked out. Roger tried but she thought they were both rebounding, (Y/n) thought they had a chance of getting back together and Roger gave her the impression that it was a possibility. Now he had gone and crushed that hope into nothing which was what she couldn't forgive him for.

"(Y/n)-"

"No, don't give me a bullshit excuse here Roger. You kissed me when you were still with her, you blabbed and made me think that we could try again but then you go and announce in front of everyone that she's pregnant."

Roger had been with Liz for about three months or more and then he had kissed (Y/n) one night and then over the following days the conversations and the way he acted implied to (Y/n) that they might have a chance. She still loved Roger and she thought there was a chance of them being together again, she truly thought he was going to leave Liz to be with her. But then when they were all out with friends, Roger dropped the bombshell that Liz was pregnant. He told everyone and he had the nerve to do that when (Y/n) was there with the band, knowing that everyone knew their past and how she would feel about it.

"Don't forget that you were the one who broke up with me, (Y/n). I wanted to try again and I was willing to make it work and then you told me to fuck off and get out. Then out of the blue two months later you rock up with what's his name and announce you're together. I'm sorry I had to tell you about the baby with everyone else but you can't shit-stir and act like this is all my fault."

Roger had been willing to try again, to make a fresh start of things and try to make their relationship work because he truly loved (Y/n) and he still did. But she had been the one to end their relationship and to move on first. Roger simply followed in her footsteps because he met Liz who he really liked. But he didn't love her like he loved (Y/n) and somehow he knew she understood that but he couldn't change how things had turned out and he couldn't be fully to blame here.

"I lost our baby Rog! I thought breaking up would be easier, I thought it would help but it only made me want to be back with you and you said that's what you wanted. So tell me why you knocked her up?"

(Y/n) knew she had made mistakes too but it was what Roger had done that was tearing her apart.

They had been together for over a year and found out they were going to have a baby and it was what they both wanted. But (Y/n) had a miscarriage and it affected them both differently. Roger wanted to make a fresh start of things but (Y/n) didn't think they could. Everything felt wrong and bland and hurtful and she thought breaking things off would be the best option and they both needed that time apart. It made them feel better and healed and they weren't making each other ill or sad or broken.

But (Y/n) had simply rebounded when she got with Jack and everyone assumed Roger was doing the same when he got together with Liz. Now she was having a baby and (Y/n) didn't know what to do or how to cope. It had been almost a year since they lost their baby and just when things seemed to be looking up, this was now the life she had to live.

(Y/n) had to see the person she loved have a child with someone else after losing one with her. It was as if (Y/n) wasn't good enough and Roger simply found someone who was.

"Why do you have to say it like that? The truth is this baby wasn't planned and I still love you but this baby changes things. I'm not replacing or forgetting our girl but I'm not leaving Liz. This is my kid and I want to at least try and make this work for their sake, tell me you can understand that."

Roger would never try and replace their girl that they lost and he didn't plan for this baby but the truth of the matter was he was going to have a child and that was something he had to think about. Roger didn't want this child to come from a broken home, he didn't want to raise them from birth with parents who were separated. Nor did he want to just abandon Liz when she was pregnant, he wasn't that kind of guy. So he was staying with her and seeing if he could make this work and if he could love her like he knew he should.

If it didn't work out then that was just how it goes but right now they were together and Roger was trying to do the right thing, but he couldn't help it if that caused others to get hurt along the way.

"I..." (Y/n) choked on her words as she felt like she was breaking. She could understand what Roger was doing and she knew it was the right thing, but it didn't help. It made it worse that she knew he loved her and if he wasn't having this baby he would be with her.

She felt even worse knowing that she was wishing this child didn't exist. (Y/n) wished Liz wasn't pregnant and that she herself was, she wanted the tables to turn and for her to be the one who had her baby and for Liz to be the one without a child. (Y/n) knew the pain it caused and how cruel she was to wish for this but she couldn't help it.

"I love you." (Y/n) cried through the words before she bowed her head and pressed her hands over her eyes to try and rid herself of the tears and hide away from Roger's gaze. She felt so stupid to say those words when it could have all been different. If she didn't break up with him they would still be together and it could have worked out. If Liz wasn't pregnant they could be together now. If they didn't lose their baby they would be a family.

(Y/n) felt herself shaking when Roger wrapped his arms around her, one arm tightly around her waist and the other around her shoulders so his hand could gently press to the back of her head. He encased her to his chest and repeatedly kissed the top of her head to try and calm her down but he couldn't stop himself from crying as well.

"I love you, so, so much. But I have to do the right thing here, it makes it worse that I don't think I'm ever going to love her like I do you. I don't want to fight or lose you (Y/n), don't leave me."

Roger knew deep down that Liz knew he still loved (Y/n) and she knew that he didn't love her like he should or like he said. But she said she was willing to try because they were having a baby, she was fine with Roger trying his hardest to be with her and to love her like he should. They were trying to make this work with bits and pieces missing, even if they knew that in the end, it wasn't going to last forever.

But Roger didn't want to lose (Y/n), he didn't want her to feel so broken that she didn't want him in her life. She had refused to see him for over a week now and he had to make sure that she wasn't going to walk away and never look back. He had to have her in his life for him to be able to survive.

[zhenyakatava]

[last goodbye]

hello and welcome to the Most Extra Request Ever™. welcome. pls strap in! this request is for a cohort of people that (mostly) graduated from magnolia high in the class of 2011, and who are all interconnected through recently-deceased sam friar. as it often goes in small towns, kids who spent their whole lives being around each other tend to part ways at graduation and never see each other again. in this group’s case, they have no choice but to come back together for better or worse, and it’s done a great job at pointing out any cracks that still remain from years ago.

if you want to look at the chart above, pink = romantic / green = friendly / red = antagonistic / purple = familial. each character has a p...retty extensive blurb with lots of connections so we can try and ensure connections and interaction, but i think it’s rly important that everyone knows that these were relationships in high school (for the most part) and definitely don’t have to represent current relationships unless specified (like people who dated in high school don’t have to be dating now, people could have gone away even if it doesn’t specify, etc etc). also!! there will obviously be more connections made, i just could only put so much into graphic and writing before it got to be Too Much!

if you’re interested in a spot pls reply to this or message me or send me a lil msg on discord (morg#3278). xoxo bless

G1 - loren friar, 23, kat mcnamara (played by morgan)

G2 - graziella zavala, rafa constentino (played by betty)

G3 - heidi hope, 24, danielle campbell (played by maddie)

G4 - teddy townsend, 24, zoey deutch (played by suki)

B1 - noah foster, 24, quenten a (played by nicole)

B2 - first last, age, charlie rowe (played by liv)

B3 - micah friar, 24, carter jenkins (played by nick)

B4 - first last, age, face (played by emily)

samson friar (deceased): brilliant but lazy

sam grew up as the kid who acted out, who threw fits in class and got into fights on the playground. not many people really knew how hard sam had it, with strict evangelical parents who took all their frustrations out on him. at the end of the day, after using most of his time and energy being the protective big brother for twin boy 3 and little sister girl 1, he didn’t have much left for school. even though he’d always been smart, brimming with potential, he fought forces both external and internal - including only later-diagnosed borderline personality disorder - on his short-lived path to success. as he got older, the bad boy persona he’d acquired by acting out stuck hard and he rolled with it. he had his siblings and best friends since childhood, boy 4 and girl 3, to fall back on. their ragtag bunch got a pretty gnarly name for themselves, skipping class to smoke and throwing parties in abandoned houses. no one ever expected sam to start dating girl 4, universally known to be an uptight prude bitch. something clicked between them, and even though girl 3’s longstanding crush stood in the way of their relationship, it flourished regardless. for a while, she influenced him for the better. he shaped up, got his grades up, even made plans for college. that phase of their relationship was clearly a manic one, since those dreams died quickly. the romance was intensely passionate but also toxic, and despite the animosity she held for him for convincing her to stay local for school to be together and the personal struggles he faced, they refused to break up. in fact, they even decided to get married. about six months before his death, on the heels of the discovery that girl 4 had fallen pregnant, they got engaged. despite the romantic gesture, it couldn’t save their relationship or stop fate from intervening. when girl 4 miscarried, sam went off the rails. a minor drug habit that was once recreational became much more, and not long ago he ended up overdosing, leaving the carnage of family, friends, and lovers behind.

girl 1 (22-24): baby bookworm

sam and boy 3’s little sister, girl 1 was always tagging along with them. she never really fit in with people her age, never really fit in with people her brothers’ ages, so she was often left feeling isolated from everyone. this meant she often retreated into herself, not pursuing academics because of passion but instead because it was all she really had, one constant she could point to that would always be there. she hadn’t realized that perhaps some of the turmoil she felt came from her repressed sexuality until one night, after a party her brothers had begrudgingly let her go to, girl 2 kissed her. she’d never felt a crush like that before and never thought it would be with another girl. when boy 1 moved to magnolia, the two outcasts got along very quickly, becoming best friends and hanging out every single day. understandably, girl 1 was crushed when she found out that girl 2 had taken a liking to him and, apparently, the feelings were reciprocated. caught between her friendship and the protection of an almost-relationship she couldn’t even admit to, she decided to cut off the friendship with boy 1. just before her brother’s death, she finally gave in to boy 4, her brother’s best friend’s long-standing crush, and it’s not that she doesn’t like him, or that she doesn’t like boys, but that she still sees girl 2 at the grocery store and wonders whether it meant as much to girl 2 as it did to her. there’s also the strange fact that, when she looks at boy 4, she gets subtle reminders of her brother that make his loss easier, and isn’t it close enough to love that they’ve gotten each other through this?

girl 2 (24-25): prom queen

never the smartest in the bunch, girl 2 had to rely on street smarts, common sense and good looks to get along. clever in her own way, she was always particularly attuned to people - how to make them tick, how to get what she wanted, how to make connections like no other. maybe that’s why she was always flitting from guy to guy - though girl 1 would certainly say otherwise. she went from one bad relationship to another in high school, trying to find something in a guy that she couldn’t find on her own. after an ugly breakup with her long-term boyfriend, boy 2, that ended in absolute chaos, she was surprised to find herself interested in the unassuming new boy, boy 1. her friends, including part-time friend and part-time enemy girl 4, were surprised that she’d go for a nice guy - but she knew she needed a change of pace. getting girl 1 to leave her alone in the process was just an added perk - i mean, she was never gay or anything, just curious, and was that so wrong?

suggested faces: nicola peltz, cierra ramirez, camila mendes, madelaine petsch, taylor hill, halston sage, sofia carson, natalie alen lind, virginia gardner

girl 3 (24-25): bad genes

girl 3 was hardly given a fighting chance by the Powers That Be. her drug-addicted parents abandoned her early, leaving her with her not-much-better relatives, a revolving door of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and the like. it was no wonder she started hanging out with fellow garbage kids, boy 4 and sam. it was a surprise to her, though, that she found herself head over heels in love with sam. the feeling was never returned, really, outside of a few awkward kisses or fondling when he was off with girl 4. everyone was always asking why she didn’t just date boy 3, but the girl was perpetually oblivious to his advances because she was always focused intently on sam. at least she thought she was - but his death proved otherwise. she had actually thought things were looking up, and had been given renewed hope for her repressed love after they slept together one night. when he overdosed despite everything she’d done and everything she felt, girl 3 blamed herself more than anyone. the only thing keeping her from going off the rails (just like her one-time true love) is boy 3, and she’s starting to see what everyone was always talking about when they insisted she choose him instead.

girl 4 (24-25): academic alpha bitch

how do you not crack under the pressure when the weight of the world is on your shoulders? girl 4 was always so good at that, not without the help of anti-anxiety meds and meticulous journaling, always keeping up appearances to be the good, smart, promising girl everyone expected her to be. sam was her break from that, something that shocked absolutely everyone. she was too good, too smart, and had too much potential to be with someone like that. really, though, he was the only thing that made her feel anything but anxiety or anger. she made enemies everywhere she went, seeing everyone as a competitor, from her so-called best friend girl 2 to sam’s best friend girl 3 to her class president opponent, boy 2. sam was always her ally, no matter what, even if they fought. everyone blamed it on him, but she made mistakes too - namely, sleeping with boy 2 after a particularly bad fight. in truth, she wasn’t even sure whose baby it was, but either way she was relieved in a way when she miscarried. sam… not so much. she watched his downward spiral but didn’t have the tools to stop it as he froze her out and distanced himself further and further away from her - and, as she saw it, toward girl 3. girl 4 was the one to find him, and it’s a memory she could never forget, something that makes her regret the relief she felt not to be inextricably linked to him. grief-stricken as she is, how can she not see this as a fresh start?

suggested faces: willa fitzgerald, haley lu richardson, naomi scott, jessica sula, saoirse ronan, olivia cooke, zoey deutch, alycia debnam carey, camila mendes, halston sage, daisy ridley, logan browning

boy 1 (23-24): foreign exchange student

texas was nothing like where boy 1 came from. when he transferred to magnolia high, he didn’t know up from down or this from that. he was helpless - and girl 1 helped him. he developed a crush on her quickly, warming to her southern drawl and the way she talked when she got excited about something she was telling him about. at the same time, he started getting closer and closer to his mentor, the girl who was assigned to help him get acclimated to his new home and his new school: girl 2. it was strange to him that, when he became friends with girl 2, girl 1 stopped sitting next to him in economics, stopped eating with him at lunch, stopped answering his texts or calls. he didn’t see the correlation until later, when girl 2 made tasteless a joke about girl 1 being a lesbian. he had to adapt, either sink or swim in the high school environment he found himself in, and being with girl 2 meant swimming - and anyway, girl 1 clearly wasn’t interested anyway. 

suggested faces: timothee chalamet, tom holland, john boyega, noah centineo, xavier serrano, avan jogia, keiynan lonsdale, nick robinson, tye sheridan

boy 2 (24-25): big man on campus

boy 2 had everything he needed to succeed in life. his family had money in oil, he was exceedingly smart, he was good at sports and great with the ladies. he had everything going for him - well, almost everything. the only thing standing between him and success was a little temper that found him getting into fights on the football field or getting into screaming matches with his ex-girlfriend girl 2 in the middle of the hallway at school. he just needed something to channel all that energy into, so he signed up to run for class president, a good old fashioned competition that he could put some positive energy into. he never expected it to be such a tough battle, and much less expected to get into it with girl 4. perpetual rivals in school, their rivalry came to a head during the presidential election. she won, but he developed a fascination with her and a hatred for her garbage boyfriend, sam. he went off for college, but she never really left his mind. he came back recently after losing his job (he says he resigned, but that’s twisted the whole truth a little) and met girl 4 in a bar, and he thought their getting together would be a good thing for them - he could give her everything sam couldn’t, everything she needed and deserved. turns out he was just a distraction, and he told himself he’d draw a line. the line has been drawn even further since sam’s death, since boy 2 definitely doesn’t want to get involved with a dead guy’s fiancee. still, he can’t help but wish she’d reach out…

suggested faces: keith powers, dacre montgomery, ansel elgort, jacob elordi, matt noszka, carter jenkins, thomas doherty, gregg sulkin, logan shroyer

boy 3 (24-25): the unassuming one

boy 3 always felt positively boring, not good or bad but somewhere plainly in the middle. his twin brother sam was always getting the attention - mostly negative, but boy 3 quickly became a firm believer in life that all attention is good attention. he was always grateful for the protection he got, for himself and for little sister girl 1, but at the same time was resentful of his brother for his notoriety. they shared everything, like best friend boy 4, and everything else went automatically to sam. sam never respected what he wanted to do or who he wanted to see, including girl 3. sam always knew that he liked her, and yet sam used her crush on him to his advantage at any possible time. as close as they always had been, the resentment was too much for boy 3 to handle and, when he got the chance, he decided to go off and backpack across europe to find himself before going to college across the country. he’s back now for the funeral, and while he know better who he is now, he can’t help but hate himself a little for driving a wedge between himself and his other half. he’s falling into old habits now, trying to reconnect with the person he used to be in any way he can - like how he’s fallen back in with girl 3. now, he can’t tell whether this is growth, or if he’s just regressing back to his lesser self.

suggested faces: logan lerman, joe keery, nat wolff, cole sprouse, carter jenkins

boy 4 (24-25): class clown

no one ever took boy 4 seriously. he was always sort of dumb, this caricature of a class clown that had nothing else to offer. after a while, he sort of saw himself as that, too. he moved in a pack with boy 3 and sam, cracking jokes whenever he could and coasting along until high school would finally end. he spent so much of his young life hanging out with the twins that he became well acquainted with girl 1, their little sister. the boys had their own things, girlfriends and schoolwork and everything, and as they got older and boy 4 found himself devoid of any real passion, he spent a lot of idle time with her, learning from her and maybe, secretly, falling in love with her. he always knew how protective sam was of her, though, and as fiercely loyal as he was, he would never sacrifice their friendship for anyone - not even someone as amazing as her. sam dying was the worst pain he’s ever felt in his life, and if being around girl 1 is mutually beneficial, wouldn’t sam be okay with that? he has to tell himself yes, otherwise the guilt would overtake him and he can’t deal with that on top of everything. 

[lumalaya]

summer films ‘18

hi there! to clarify, this is a log of films i’ve seen this summer, not exactly films set in the summer, so if you’re here for that, i’m sorry?

anyway, here we go!

1. kasal (2018) / dir. ruel s. bayani ♡ 180525 ♡ girl is engaged to the son of cebu’s current mayor who is currently preparing for elections, but her ex comes back and tries to win her back ♡ cliche, i know, but trust me, this movie deals with this plotline in a very interesting way ♡ and come on, it’s bea alonzo and paulo avelino, two icons 2. high school musical (2006) / dir. kenny ortega ♡ 180614 ♡ iconic, i love troy bolton, thanks for reminding me ♡ i know sharpay isn’t that bad but she’s still a bully lol ♡ the choreography for when there was me and you got me dying i love it ♡  fave song: stick to the status quo 3. high school musical 2 (2007) / dir. kenny ortega ♡ 180622 ♡ my least favorite in the trilogy ♡ there was so much unnecessary drama they should’ve cut troy some slack ♡ i hate chad danforth, that’s all ♡ fave song: you are the music in me 4. high school musical 3: senior year (2008) / dir. kenny ortega ♡ 180622 ♡ my favorite in the trilogy! ♡ i still hate chad tho lol but i love taylor so much she’s my favorite character! ♡ i wish they elaborated more on gabriella though, because i like to imagine an alternate ending where she declines stanford and stays in albuquerque for another year which disappoints everyone and puts a strain on her relationship with troy. that would’ve been so interesting! ♡ fave song: i love all of them, but if i had to choose, the boys are back 5. kimmy dora 2: the temple of kiyeme (2009) / dir. joyce bernal ♡ 180626 ♡ the only reason i watched this was because i had a terrible pimple on my forehead and it reminded me of some horror movie then i realized it was this so i had to look for the particular scene ♡ the movie was really bad, as expected ♡ but i absolutely love eugene domingo!! she’s so talented i really admire her as an actress

6. before sunrise (1995) / dir. richard linklater ♡ 180630 ♡ this was the day my internet ultimately stopped working (for four days, if i may add) so i thought hey why not start that movie marathon i’ve been meaning to do ♡ i was excited to watch this because it’s a known pop culture reference, and also because it’s seulgi’s favorite movie ♡ it’s unique! it’s not easy to film a story that revolves around two people who’ve just met walking around in a city neither of them knows ♡ i liked this movie but it wasn’t that spectacular or anything, i think it lacks emotion and excitement ♡ but please, do not get off a train in europe with someone you’ve just met that is dangerous 

7. before sunset (2004) / dir. richard linklater ♡ 180630 ♡  i knew nothing about this so i was actually surprised to see the same actors nine years after before sunrise’s release ♡ i like this better than the first one! céline shows the emotions i was looking for ♡ it’s much simpler and easier to follow because it really is just them walking around and talking to continue the story because of the short amount of time they have together 

8. before midnight (2013) / dir. richard linklater ♡ 180630 ♡ this movie is the reason i watched the series! it was mentioned in it’s okay, that’s love so i thought i needed to watch this, and honestly, it helped me understand the characters from iotl a bit better! ♡ it ended up being my favorite film of the three ♡ it’s more complex than the first two because it introduces more characters and is set in more locations ♡ after years of watching and reading romcoms, this made me believe in love 

9. gone girl (2014) / dir. david fincher ♡ 180701 ♡ i knew nothing about this film except that there was a girl and she was missing and the plot is unexpected? ♡ i won’t say much on this because it’s amazing when you watch it without knowing anything ♡ but it is CRAZY it hecked me up so much wow ♡ will try reading the book when i can!! 10. the grand budapest hotel (2014) / dir. wes anderson ♡ 180701 ♡ my first wes anderson film (finally) ♡ bored me at first because sadly, i can’t relate to rich european men who live in hotels and have sex with elderly women ♡ but it is so much more than that! it’s funny and deals with loyalty, the war, and crap immigrants go through ♡ yes, the cinematography is unique and beautiful, but i couldn’t appreciate it much from years of seeing wes anderson stills on my social media ♡ i went into this without knowing anything about it, but i wish i’d watched the trailer beforehand because that would’ve helped me appreciate it more 11. the fault in our stars (2014) / dir. josh boone ♡ 180702 ♡ i was bored and looking through my sister’s hard drive and i thought hey why not watch sad western teen books-turned-movies i used to glorify years ago ♡ it was alright but knowing every line, song, facial expression that would come next made it worse ♡ john green’s cameo is so awkward it’s almost funny ♡ i hope i never meet an augustus waters in my life 12. if i stay (2014) / dir. r.j. cutler ♡ 180703 ♡ part 2 of sad western teen books-turned-movies i used to glorify ♡ the story is pretty good but the film itself isn’t as good as i remembered ♡ i’m still so in love with jamie blackley after four years he’s so handsome and his voice is beautiful ♡ chloe moretz’s acting is really awkward though it’s almost painful to watch ♡ it made me want to reread the sequel where she went though! 13. she’s dating the gangster (2014) / dir. cathy garcia-molina ♡ 180705 ♡ i started this with an open mind and some expectations because although i hated on it for no reason years ago, i wanted to give it a chance ♡ but i’m sorry it really is bad ♡ kenji delos reyes is manipulative and selfish i hope i never meet a guy like him 14. grave of the fireflies (1988) / dir. isao takahata ♡ 180706 ♡ two siblings in the middle of a war ♡ watched this because a friend wanted to rabbit with me! ♡ i haven’t seen a ghibli film in a while so this was refreshing ♡ really sad though :( 15. 10 things i hate about you (1999) / dir. gil hunger ♡ 180706 ♡ guy is paid to date girl lol ♡ julia stiles is so beautiful :( i love her ♡ pretty funny actually! ♡ also watched this because friends wanted to rabbit with me :> 16. i’m drunk, i love you (2017) / dir. jp habac ♡ 180707 ♡ i finally, finally watched this ♡ not gonna lie it disappointed me? so many people loved it but for me it was eh ♡ paulo avelino’s character was pretty lacking for me, i wish they’d elaborated more on him ♡ but i liked the group dynamic because they’re not the wholesome, fake happy kind of friends, seeing them interact made me feel like they’re people i really know in real life (which made me miss my own friends) ♡ even jasmine’s character felt real because she’s probably someone i’d know HAHA ♡ fun fact: i’ve listened to the song lloydy long before watching this because i mean? a song about john lloyd? sign me up 17. that thing called tadhana (2014) / dir. antoinette jadaone ♡ 180708 ♡ another film i finally watched after multiple pop culture references ♡ i actually kinda liked it! it literally has a spiel about john lloyd of course i do but it gets better when the main characters become comfortable with each other ♡ i find it interesting that the director also directed love you to the stars and back which is another film that revolves around two people, both dealing with stuff, who’d just met and decide to go on a journey together ♡ the characters also feel pretty realistic/relatable once you get to know them 18. the spectacular now (2013) / dir. james ponsoldt ♡ 180709 ♡ part 3 of sad western teen books-turned-movies i used to glorify ♡ the only reason i rewatched this was because it was the shortest of the films i had at the time and i needed something to pass the time while loading episodes of svt club ♡ i mean it’s okay? not bad not good and i don’t even like miles teller ♡ shailene woodley perfectly plays the part of the awkward oblivious girl (and that’s not a compliment) 19. the breakup playlist (2015) / dir. dan villegas ♡ 180716 ♡ this film was so refreshing to watch?? sarah portrayed a youthful musician just starting out so so well i love her so much what a great first sarah g movie for me ♡ piolo made me fall in love with him and later on hate him, as he should ♡ i love opm kaya seeing the gig scene, some actual artists like ebe dancel, and looots of covers of songs like wag na wag mong sasabihin by kitchie nadal and with a smile by eraserheads ♡ i understand now why people love paano bang magmahal HAHAHA 20. barcelona: a love untold (2016) / dir. olivia lamasan ♡ 180717 ♡ alright so remember how i absolutely hated sdtg? ♡ I LOVED THIS FILM SO. MUCH. ♡ kathniel matured a lot in two years and i think they were perfect for this!! they really showed certain struggles of young adults and did not disappoint ♡ it also shows filipino values for family, utang ng loob, ofw struggles, etc ♡ and of course the cinematography is beautiful HUHU i mean it’s barcelona!! 21. my annoying brother (2016) / dir. kwon soo-kyung ♡ 180721 ♡ honestly took me a bit to get into it  ♡ i expected it to be funny and although it did make me laugh a lot why were there tears :((( ♡ kyungsoo is so, so, so talented i admire him so much as an actor now ♡ really hits you in the feels! a really beautiful story about two brothers 22. so i married an anti-fan (2016) / dir. kim jae-young ♡ 180724 ♡ meh ♡ it took some getting used to seeing chanyeol being all snobbish and cool instead of his usual loud happy self ♡ of course it’s overdramatic for the comedy, but the hate-turned-love isn’t even that good lol it’s just unreasonable but whatever ♡ the lead girl reminds me of arci munoz HAHA 23. wonder (2017) / dir. stephen chbosky ♡ 180725 ♡ we watched this during my summer program and i was actually pretty excited because i remember loving the book! ♡ this honestly teaches you a lot not even just from the perspective of children but also as teenagers, parents, friends, etc ♡ i thoroughly enjoyed it!

[megalony]

Touchy situation- Part 2

Here is the second part of my slow-burn Roger Taylor series which I hope everyone is enjoying so far.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @rogahs-drowse

Summary: (Y/n) and Roger still love each other even after their breakup but although they want to be together again, they can’t because Roger is with someone else now. Someone who is now pregnant.

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

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(Y/n) didn't know why she was here.

Sitting here with a half-empty glass in her hand that contained an alcoholic drink that seemed rather tasteless now.

The other month when Roger found her in a rather drunken state showed (Y/n) that alcohol wasn't going to solve the problems she was facing and it wasn't going to cure the broken heart she was suffering with. (Y/n) wasn't abusing the substance but she realised drinking herself into a sorrowful state in the evenings wasn't going to help her in the future.

Yet here she was tonight, a drink in her hand to try and drown out her pain at a party that was giving her no fun or pleasure like they used to.

(Y/n) knew the reason she had turned up here tonight was because she knew there was a very high chance that Roger would be here. More specifically, he would be here without Liz. Things had been awkward between them and (Y/n) had distanced herself from both Roger and the band because she didn't want to make things awkward for the boys. But her heart was yearning for Roger, she wanted his kisses, his hugs and his comfort but he wasn't going to give them to her. Roger was never going to go behind Liz's back despite how much he loved (Y/n) and he was trying his hardest to do the right thing.

He was thinking about the future and he knew it was hard for children to grow up from broken homes. He didn't want to do that and he didn't want to make Liz feel like she was going to have to go through this on her own so Roger was ignoring his feelings and doing what he knew he had to.

But he was doing this despite knowing it was hurting both himself and (Y/n).

(Y/n) didn't know what she was meant to do now or how she was meant to cope on her own. She had lost her baby and she had given Roger up when she shouldn't have. Now he had someone else and another baby and (Y/n) was only in the background of the big picture. She was stood on the sidelines and sometimes she wondered if it would be better if she simply left.

But her heart wasn't allowing her to do that. Her heart wasn't letting her distance herself from Roger completely. She could add some space between them but she couldn't move on from him or move away because that would feel like she was condemning herself to a life of misery that she didn't want to live.

(Y/n) had been at the party for about two hours or so now and it was as bad as she had expected it to be. The party itself seemed like it was going well and it was fun enough, but (Y/n) wasn't enjoying it. The music was too loud and too annoying, it wasn't anything new or tasteful, it was simply party songs that drilled into (Y/n)'s head and made her ears bleed. Freddie's house where the party was being hosted was full of random people (Y/n) doubted even Freddie knew. It was too crowded and loud and overwhelming.

But (Y/n) had come here knowing this would be the case, she had intentionally put herself in this situation because she wanted to. She wanted to cause herself some sort of pain or feel like the old (Y/n). But that version of her was gone, and somehow, (Y/n) knew she was never going to feel like that person again.

She wasn't going to be the (Y/n) that used to come to parties with Roger as his girlfriend. The (Y/n) that used to enjoy the music, who used to drag Roger up to dance and drink and just let loose. And she was never going to be the (Y/n) that had been so excited to be having a baby with Roger.

(Y/n) was the broken, sorrowful version of herself who had lost a child and then threw Roger away too.

Downing what was left in her glass, (Y/n) debated going to get a refill but decided against it. She didn't know if Roger was somewhere in the house or if he had gone home already but (Y/n) knew that if she bumped into him he wouldn't be best pleased that she was still drinking herself into oblivion. He wanted her to be okay and to feel better but he knew as long as he was going to be around her and be with Liz that he was simply going to make (Y/n) worse. But Roger couldn't do anything else.

"All alone?"

(Y/n) managed a small smile when she saw John standing beside her, a kind smile on his lips as he gestured to the seat next to her to politely ask if he could sit.

"I think I'll be leaving in a bit." (Y/n) responded as John sat down on the sofa next to her, a glass of what she presumed was beer in his hand.

"Rog was asking after you, I think he wandered off to find you." John commented before (Y/n) tipped her head down and stared at the empty glass in her hands. She wasn't going to drink anymore tonight, she had woken up with enough hangovers over this past year and adding another to the list wouldn't be the best option. "I haven't seen you for a while."

"Do you think I'm a bad person?"

The question clearly caught John off guard as his eyes widened in alarm as he wondered where that suddenly came from. John had known (Y/n) ever since she started to date Roger and hung out with the band. He knew her to be the kind, funny and sweet person who managed to make everyone laugh and feel welcome but also having a shy side too.

John would never even comprehend the thought of (Y/n) being a bad person because that simply wasn't who she was. She never did anything hurtful or wrong towards anyone else, she didn't purposely hurt people or do wrong things for the sake of it or to see the damage she could cause. (Y/n) always tried to do things by the book and helped people.

"Why would you say that? No, I don't think you're a bad person." John reached over and took (Y/n)'s hand in his own but it didn't help nearly as much as he hoped. (Y/n) simply had tears falling from her eyes.

"Does it make me bad to... to... wish that it was Liz who had the miscarriage, and not me?" (Y/n) spoke the words very quietly but just loud enough that John would be able to hear her over the loud music playing without anyone else hearing her words that she deemed as shameful.

(Y/n) held no right to wish that Liz suffered a miscarriage instead or that Liz wasn't pregnant and that (Y/n) herself still was. (Y/n) had had her chance at being with Roger and having a child and it had gone horribly wrong, there was no reason for her to wish the same upon Liz, simply because she was heartbroken and jealous. But (Y/n) couldn't seem to help it. She cried and sobbed when she thought of her girl that she lost and she felt such fury and anger that Liz got the chance to have a baby with Roger and that it was going well for them.

(Y/n) had lost their baby when she was five months gone but Liz was already six months gone now and she was doing fine.

It wasn't fair.

John let go of (Y/n)'s hand, and for a split second, she thought he was going to leave her. That he was going to find Roger and tell her what she had just said or that he was angry with her for saying that. But he simply wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into his side for a comforting hug.

"(Y/n)... you have every right to grieve. As for Liz, I know it makes you feel bad to think like that but it doesn't make you bad. It makes you human. You can't expect to feel happy and generous and kind about everyone and everything, when life doesn't go your way you're allowed to get upset."

He knew that (Y/n) couldn't be expected to be okay all of the time, but (Y/n) felt like she was meant to be happy or calm and content with life when it started to go wrong. (Y/n) had to know that when things went wrong or when life started to drag her down, she was okay to cry and scream and feel jealous and angry and sad and everything in between. It was okay for her to feel jealous because she was seeing a future she thought she was going to have for herself. She saw that future was now someone else's and it hurt to know that she had lost out on it.

But life went on and (Y/n) would be able to find her way soon enough.

"But I know that Roger wants this baby, yet I still wish this wasn't his future. Why does he get a child and I don't?" (Y/n) leaned her head on John's shoulder when she couldn't stop the tears from falling from her eyes.

She had wanted their daughter, (Y/n) had wanted her so much and Roger had been so keen on being a father. But they lost her, they lost that chance to become parents and to have their child. Why should Roger get that chance with someone else? Why should he be a father and have a child with Liz when it didn't work out with him and (Y/n)?

In her mind, if she couldn't have a child with him then she felt that Liz nor anyone else should or could. (Y/n) didn't want Roger to be moving on and having this future because he was leaving her behind. He was leaving (Y/n) to dwell in the past and see a future that was not hers that she couldn't have.

Knowing that Roger didn't plan to have a child with Liz eased the burden ever so slightly but it still didn't help (Y/n) because this was still happening. Knowing that he still loved her hurt so much worse rather than making it easier because Roger was staying with someone he didn't love and was having a child with her instead of being with (Y/n). Roger didn't plan for this child yet he was still going to be a father again, but all (Y/n) had was the daughter that they had lost.

"I don't know." John whispered quietly as he fought off tears. He had no answer that would relieve the pain she was feeling and nothing to say that would help or be the answer that she wanted to hear.

"I think I'm going to head home now." (Y/n) managed a very weak smile in a silent thank you to John for listening and trying his best to relieve her tortured mind. He didn't protest as he already knew this party was clearly not (Y/n)'s scene and not somewhere she really should be at the moment with how she was thinking and feeling.

(Y/n) felt like she was in a trance as she walked through the house to get out of the front doors. It was as if she had navigated herself outside on autopilot as one moment she was leaving John, and the next she was outside like her mind had simply blanked the two-minute journey to get here.

Turning her head to the left, (Y/n) felt her breathing come to a stop when she noticed Roger sitting on the last step of the porch. His knees hunched up near his chest with a cigarette clasped between his lips and an empty plastic cup resting beside him. He looked peaceful yet conflicted, calm yet withholding a raging storm on the inside. His eyes showed he was miles away from really being outside Freddie's house at one of the parties he was normally a frequent fan of.

"Are you okay?" (Y/n) found the words leaving her lips before her mind could tell her to leave before he noticed it was her who was leaving the house.

If Roger was upset or hurt or conflicted about something, (Y/n) wanted to make sure he was okay before she left or see if he needed to talk about anything. She might not be the best person to talk to but she wasn't high or plastered with booze like almost everyone else inside was.

Roger's head turned to look at her very slowly, his eyes blinking as if he just realised where he was and that he was not wherever he thought he must have been. A rather cynical smile pulled at his lips which showed a few of his teeth like a shark baring their fangs at their prey. There was clearly something very wrong or upsetting the drummer tonight.

"Now she speaks to me." Roger seemed to breathlessly laugh through the words as he rolled his eyes before pushing himself to his feet. (Y/n) thought he would be unsteady on his feet or would fall due to excessive drinking. But when he stood perfectly fine and straight and his eyes locked with her own, (Y/n) realised Roger wasn't even drunk. "You've blanked me for over a month, what's changed now?"

(Y/n) bowed her head as she tried not to shed a tear or feel like he hadn't just stabbed her in the chest with his harsh but true words. She thought it would be better to give them both some space rather than be around one another a lot when they weren't exactly talking and things weren't easy.

"You're moving on with your life, Rog. I thought I'd give us both some space so you can do that." When (Y/n) lifted her gaze to lock with his own again, something seemed to change. Roger now looked perplexed, as if he understood what she was saying but wanted to challenge her at the same time.

"I told you I still love you (Y/n)... you blanking every call and walking away doesn't make it easier or make me stop loving you. I may be trying to move on but I, I just keep circling back to you." Roger's tone was a lot calmer than his previous words but he sounded so broken and unfixable that it made (Y/n)'s breathing stop for a moment or two.

Roger thought when (Y/n) blanked him that he should try and move on, to see if time and distance would make it easier to be with Liz but it didn't. It only made him yearn to be with (Y/n) and he couldn't stop himself from loving her. He seemed to be trapped in a cycle that always circled back to (Y/n) and he didn't know how to stop that or break the cycle. Roger wasn't even sure if he wanted to stop it.

"Then what do you want me to do?"

If (Y/n) couldn't blank Roger and keep her distance because it hurt them both, being closer to him wasn't going to do any good either. She was stuck for ideas because anything she seemed to do was going to be the wrong choice when there wasn't even a right way of doing things.

"I don't know." Roger shrugged his shoulders as he felt his eyes welling up with tears. "I go home to her but I can't get you out of my head. I don't see you around and I want to cry. I go to scans and see my kid but I keep thinking of our girl. I want someone to tell me what I should do because right now I just want to walk away and never come back. Tell me what to do." The tears finally fell from Roger's eyes as he wished he could either die or wake up and find this was all some kind of warped dream.

Roger didn't want to be with Liz and everyone knew that but they were both doing this for their baby. He saw the scan photos and felt the kicks but all he could do was think of his baby girl that he lost and how he felt like he was replacing her or about to forget that she ever existed. He went home to his flat and he simply wanted to walk back out and find (Y/n) so he could be with her. His mind wouldn't stop thinking about her no matter how much he drank or what he did to distract himself.

Roger needed to be told what he should do or he was going to go insane. When (Y/n) didn't say anything, Roger flicked the now dead cigarette into the ashtray on the step beside him before he started walking. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked down the drive. The drummer didn't know where he was going to go, but he knew he wasn't going to stop for a while.

Maybe he wouldn't ever look back.