#and... i had an indentation from thw spikes for like 5 mins and now have red spots for the past almost 20 minutes
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#its been yeeears since i got my dissociation diagnosis in the clinic but i still have trouble believing it#and im always like am i really dissociating#bc im never like fully gone#but like lately ive been shutting my fingers in a lot of drawers and doors#and bumping into corners and hitting my head bc im not aware of where my body ends#and i cant remember words or colleagues names that ive worked with for years#i cant do math#i cant feel#(i keep being cold tho i think thats also extra bc of my digestive issues with the iron deficiency)#and like today i tested with my spiky ball#and... i had an indentation from thw spikes for like 5 mins and now have red spots for the past almost 20 minutes#and i never felt a thing#my skin reacted to the ball pressing into thw skin but i can barely feel the spikes at all#even tho i logically know i should feel them sharp and slightly painful#but i cant#and thats not good#and i cant get myself to focus out of the disso at all#i almost thoight i was gettingg it but thwn i started getting nauseous af and my abdomen was hurting so that might be a reaosn#but idk#eithwr wya#yeah#im pretty disso#not enough to be dizzy and like unstable when i walk and all#but ugh#i hate it#ignore me#dissociation#mental illness#borderline
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