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#anonymous red 506
dysco-lymonade · 1 month
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This bread is unbearably cute
You’re unbearably cute.
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vmplvr1977 · 6 months
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According to historians, Julius Caesar was very religious in his later years.
Near the end of his reign, he became a holy man 😅
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🤣 you kill me with these @anonymous-red-506
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heda-in-the-clouds · 6 months
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Julius Caesar and Brutus Walk Into a Movie Theater
Brutus looks at Caesar and says "Caesar, we should watch the movie sequel with the scary clown in it!"
Caesar ponders what Brutus is saying for a moment. "It Two, Brute?"
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🤣🤣🤣 this is so clever
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sassymajesty · 8 months
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butmakeitgayblog · 1 year
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Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈
Happy Pride to you too bébé, cheers to the queers
😘🍾🥂🏳️‍🌈
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bottom-lexa · 9 months
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What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music! 🎁
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majblue3907 · 9 months
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Where do reindeers get their coffee?
Star-bucks! 🦌
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They must drink a lot of coffee to stay awake and fly on Christmas Eve
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A frog went for a DNA test...
The results came back 99% amphibian and a tad Polish! 🐸
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bull-dozer.
Are you a critical role fan? I’m so glad it’s Thursday.😁 Although I could seriously use a nap. Hope you’re well this week!
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lexa-griffins · 1 year
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Shower Bliss
Dilf!Clarke AU | 3.3K | Smut | G!P Clarke | Read on AO3
“You’re doing great progress on those weights, honestly! If I didn’t know you just started lifting a couple of months ago, I’d think you’d have been at it for years!” 
Clarke laughs at Lexa’s enthusiasm for her small achievement at weight lifting. It is not in any way as impressive as she makes it look, Clarke is aware of that, but it does feel nice to be gloated about this much. 
“Well, I have a very good and helpful coach.” Clarke compliments back with a smile. It is undeniable that without the younger girl’s help, Clarke would possibly not have even tried to sit on the weight bench. It rather helps that she and Lexa have decided to meet up at lunch time when the gym has but a couple of people inside, too focused on their own work out to even look at Clarke struggling with weights although she must admit she hasn’t felt this active and strong in nearly thirty years and even Madi has started to notice the difference.
Lexa looks at her for a second, biting her lip, before smiling back “I just do it because I like watching you workout.”
Clarke chuckles at the playful confession, despite the fact it makes her heart beat just a little faster. Lexa is a sweet girl, helpful from day one and very, very attractive. Clarke can pretend all she wants that she doesn’t stare at her as she works out next to her or that the leggings she wears don’t look just divine on her ass but the truth is that she does stare. 
And she hates it. Makes her feel like a goddamn creep. 
Even if Lexa stares back, because oh, this girl stares back. No shame about it either, something Clarke finds as flattering as she finds hilarious. As cute as Lexa is, the poor girl truly has no game about her, her flirtatious come back usually more of an admission and most of her staring done without much subtlety . 
“Want me to get the water running in your shower?” Lexa asks after a moment of silence, her little red toiletries bag in hand.
“Oh, yeah, no need. I’m gonna head out and shower at home. Madi has an appointment later today so I took the afternoon off.” Clarke says as she takes off her shirt, that no matter how loose, already clings to her body with sweat. 
She is not looking at Lexa, but she can feel the younger girl’s eyes on her chest, can feel her hooded eyes flowing the drip of sweat that falls from her neck and between her breasts. 
“Oh.” Is all Lexa says as Clarke fights a smirk knowing the girl is watching her. And as she deliberately let’s her sweatpants fall on the floor, knowing damn well just what the gray boxers she wears do to her member and the muffled gasp Lexa let’s out does not go unnoticed, “Alright. I’ll let you get ready then. See you tomorrow, Clarke. Say hi to Madi for me!” 
The girl nearly stumbles over herself as she waves at Clarke, heading to the shower and as she does, Clarke smirks to herself before a little voice inside of her chastises her for it. She’s a grown ass woman for fucks sake. She is a widow and a mother, what would Niylah say if she saw her flirting with a girl twenty years younger than her? 
She’d probably comment on her having a nice ass to be honest.
Although Clarke doesn’t notice the shower turning on, she is quick to notice the muffled sounds of the water hitting the tile covers. The soft whimpering is obvious and it makes Clarke frown at how much it seems like crying. Shirt in hand, she freezes, listening for it again. And again she hears it. 
Lexa.
She is the only other person here, the gym was nearly empty aside from a couple of people, all of which where still out on the floor when Lexa and Clarke called it a day and walked towards the locker room. In her sudden need to help and concerned Lexa might be hurt, Clarke walks in the directions of the showers, quickly finding the only curtain drawn. 
“Lexa? Are you alright?” She asks, quietly but no answer arrives.
There is silence once more before another muffled groan is heard, louder this time, followed by a whisper that sounds almost filled with tears and Clarke finds herself stepping through the shower curtain, images of Lexa hurt unable to speak or something of the sort running through her mind. 
Instead she finds Lexa underneath the shower head, wet hair sticking to her naked body and pretty manicured hands shoved between her thighs. Her eyes are closed shut as her mouth hangs opened, quiet moans leaving her as she works herself up. 
Hypnotized by the sight, Clarke sucks in a breath, feeling her cock awaken. Shit. She tries to retire , despite how glued her feet are to the floor. God, she just needs to turn around and-
“Clarke!” The moan leaves plump lips like a plea, Lexa’s eyes still closed as she says it, opened just a moment later, staring at Clarke with just as much surprise as Clarke’s are. 
Lexa feels her heart skip several beats as she finds Clarke inside of her stall. She’d heard her call her name, but assumed it to be her brain playing tricks on her, her head filled with images of the older woman’s blue eyes staring her down, the smirk on her lips adorned by the small beauty mark, her generous chest spilling out of the modest black sports bra, the gray underwear fighting against the strength of the member below it. The raspiness of her voice as she says her name. Her finger had gained a life of their own as Lexa daydreamed about them belonging to someone else as they pumped inside of herself with fervor. The name of the protagonist of her fantasy had slipped without her consent, she was so close, so nearly there and as she opened her eyes she found her there, dick as hard as it was in her imagination.
She lets out a shaky breath as the other woman stares at her in shock, her fingers frozen but still filling her up, forced in place by the pulsing of her walls, the ruined orgasm nearly making Lexa cry out in frustration. Instead she does not move, allowing Clarke to make the next step, knowing that if Clarke does not advance towards her, there is a good chance whatever friendship they had been building and that had been filling Lexa’s lunch breaks with genuine joy might be ruined. 
She shouldn’t. Clarke should do nothing else other than apologize and leave. Instead, she steps fully inside the stall, closing the curtain behind her without looking back. The hardness between her legs impairing any logically sound thought she continues to advance in Lexa’s direction, taking in the roundness of her small chest as it lifts rapidly with the strength of her breathing, nipples hard underneath the tepidness of the spraying water, simply calling for the undivided attention of Clarke’s mouth.
Lexa cannot take it anymore, and Clarke’s name leaves her like a plea.
“Clarke-” 
The word is barely fully out of her mouth before Clarke’s lips are on her. 
Both now fully under the waterfall, Lexa’s arms circle Clarke’s shoulders, finding the leverage not to let her legs falter with the feeling of emptiness that follows the retrieval of her fingers from inside of her cunt. Clarke kisses her with fervor, wasting no time in demanding entrance with her tongue that is granted almost  immediately, savoring the feeling of Clarke’s tongue against hers, as slow as it is rough. 
Experienced hands find Lexa’s chest with ease, wrapping around the swell of them. Clarke squeezes and massages Lexa’s boobs hard, pulling at her nipples every so often. Lexa moans into the kiss, feeling the wetness between her legs grow with each gesture, knowing the water is far from responsible. 
As Clarke’s name leaves her once more, Clarke abandons her mouth for her neck, her tongue passing at the droplets of water on her skin, inching down with a clear destination  in mind, sparing only a moment longer on Lexa’s chest where teeth graze sensitive nipples and make Lexa let out a whine that dies down as a moan. Clarke bites as she continues her assault on Lexa’s skin, letting her tongue lead the way as she continues lower and lower until she in kneeling in front of Lexa, worshiping the generous curve of Lexa’s hip with her lips. As her mouth finally leaves her skin after marking her hip bone with what Lexa is sure will be a beautiful purple love bite, she looks up at her, face softer as she confirms Lexa’s desire for her to bury her head between her legs.
Lexa nods with fervor, and just a moment later her leg is hoisted over Clarke’s shoulder and she feels Clarke’s tongue licking the entirety of her slit, before mercilessly attaching to her clit.
“Oh fuck, Clarke!” 
There is no doubt of Clarke’s years of experience pleasing. She sucks without mercy, releasing the bundle with nerves with a pop, wasting no time on attacking it once more with her tongue, circling with just enough pressure to make Lexa grab a fistful of her wet blonde hair, afraid she might just fall completely if she does not hold on to something.
Teeth graze ever so slightly over the sensitive clit before Clarke’s lips are on it again and Lexa forces her eyes closed so hard she sees dancing colors behind her pupils as her orgasm swiftly approaches.
“Fuck! Fuck, Clarke, I’m cumming, I-”
She barely manages to find the shower switch to hold on to before she falls apart, the fingers intertwined with blonde hair forcing Clarke’s face closer to her center as she cums the hardest she recalls cumming. Much gentler, Clarke’s tongue continues to circle her clit, helping her through her climax. Lexa comes down from her high slowly, the hand on her thigh rubbing comforting circles and allowing her the time to regain her breath, although the effort is made null the moment she looks down at Clarke and watches her deliver one final long lick alongside the length of her entrance, gathering the remainder of her release with her tongue. There are droplets on her chin, ones Lexa is sure are not only from the water that pours down on them both.
Clarke feels like she is in a trance with Lexa’s taste on her tongue. She has never tasted the nectar of the gods, but she is sure what she just tasted is as close as she’s gonna get. When she finally looks up at Lexa’s face, her dick, now uncomfortably hard inside the soaked underwear, pulses. Hooded eyes have little of the light green present as Lexa looks down at her, a post-orgasm bliss written all over her face, lips parted to let out the smallest puffs of air. She looks angelic like this, the water gathering at the edge of her chest dripping from her nipples, sliding down to the small pouch of her stomach before they trace the curve of her crotch and mix with the wetness that drips from her cunt. 
The sudden urge to take Lexa’s lips in hers overcomes her and Clarke rises quickly but not before allowing her bottom lip to graze Lexa’s body on the way up, leaving a trail of Lexa’s own release in her wake. Lexa moans as Clarke’s lips finally find hers again, allowing her to taste herself in her mouth. They stay there for a while, doing nothing more than kissing, slower now, passion replacing desperation. 
But Lexa is impatient and needs to feel more of Clarke, a need that has now grown to desperation as her hands drop to Clarke’s chest, tugging at the fabric that still hides what Lexa so desperately wants. Feeling, and hearing, Lexa’s impatience, Clarke moves to removed the two pieces of fabric that separate her fully from the naked girl’s body, allowing the kiss to break only momentarily for the fabric of the bra to leave her body completely.
Now without any barriers between herself and Clarke’s skin, Lexa wastes no time at letting her hand reach for its  prize. And just as quickly as it holds it, Lexa lets out a gasp into Clarke’s lips, one that makes Clarke instantly smirk. Try as she might, Clarke’s breast is simply too much for her entire hand to wrap around fully. The notion sends a new throbbing heat to Lexa’s core, made no better by Clarke’s hand covering her, encouraging her to squeeze. As she does a moan leaves Clarke, low and raspy, encouraging Lexa to do it again just so she can hear the older woman moan again. 
Soon her other hands feels empty, but Lexa does not want it filled with Clarke’s boob. Instead it searches lower, quickly finding Clarke’s throbbing boner between them. 
And if Clarke’s chest made Lexa gasp, what leaves her mouth as she can barely wrap her hands around Clarke’s hard cock can only be described as a moan of anticipation.
“God, Clarke…”
Clarke is unable to utter a word at the feeling of Lexa’s warm hand around her shaft, making her breathing heavy and her mind blank, "Lexa..."
"You’re… so fucking beautiful Clarke. Fuck. you- you drive me insane" 
The admission seems to make Clarke regain a little bit of her posture.
“I drive you crazy? Me?" She asks, perplexed, getting closer to Lexa as the girl’s breathing hitches at the feeling, "do you know how crazy you drive me? You are a fucking vixen is what you are. Do you think I don't see the way you shake your hips when you walk? How you touch me when you don’t need to?"
Distracted by the closeness of Clarke’s body, their chests now pressed against one another, she is powerless to stop Clarke from turning them around, hands and chest against the wall as Clarke presses her boner against her ass, speaking directly into her ear, "the way you lift your ass knowing I’ll stare? This- fuck, this fucking masterpiece of an ass." 
Sure to drive her point across, Clarke delivered a slap to her cheek, making Lexa moan and yelp all at once.
 "Shit! Clarke please... please" 
"Please what, baby?" 
"Oh fuck, please fuck me. I need you inside please." 
Clarke is too weak, and too hard, to deny her plea. She positions herself with Lexa’s entrance, applying just a little force on the small of her back so she’ll bend down further, smiling when Lexa immediately does. She pumps a couple of time, groaning at how painfully hard her dick is, gathering any pre-cum and coating her shaft with it. 
She won’t go fully inside, Clarke is aware her length is an acquired size and hurting Lexa is simply not something she is willing to risk.
Lexa feels it immediately. She is wet and loose from the last orgasm, her entrance not offering much resistance to Clarke as she enters her, despite the clear girth of it that fills Lexa to the limit. Whatever Lexa was dreaming of before Clarke pulled the shower curtain back, it could never compare to this. Not in her wildest imagination- fuck!
“Oh God!” Lexa moans as Clarke starts to thrust, long, slow thrusts, allowing Lexa to get used to her length, building her pace with each new thrush before she lets herself fully go, fucking Lexa hard and fast, completely losing herself in the feeling of Lexa’s walls around her.
Fuck, when was the last time Clarke was inside a cunt this tight? She is so glad for the shower that continues to pour down on them, muffling the perverted sound of her front slapping against the roundness of Lexa’s ass and the moans that leave them both. 
Clarke’s hands finds leverage on Lexa’s chest, taking one of her boobs fully in her hand, squeezing and massaging at it hard, each added pressure making Lexa’s walls clench around Clarke’s length so deliciously. It is when Clarke’s hand slip and takes a hold of Lexa’s nipple that the young girl’s head fall backwards on to her shoulder, eyes half closed and glassed over, her entire body shaking with the force of Clarke’s thrusts, puffy red lips parted as moan after moan leaves.
With a loving hand on her chin, Clarke kisses her, mid-moan.
Because what else is she fucking supposed to do? This girl drives her crazy time and time again, no matter just how much younger she is. And fuck if she doesn’t have a way to make Clarke feel good about herself. Lexa looks at her like she wants her. Like Clarke is someone to lust after. And Lexa is so young, so fucking gorgeous and hot, the type of girl who should not be chasing after a woman Clarke’s age and yet she seems to be as turned on by Clarke as Clarke is by her.
“Clarke… you feel so good inside of me.”
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
She’s nearly there, she can feel it. Just a few more thrust and-
Fuck.
“Lexa! Lexa, I have to pull out!” Fuck. A fucking condom, she can’t believe she didn’t even think of it.
Lexa’s eyes snap fully opened now, panic, “No!! Inside Clarke, please. Fill me!”
“Lexa.” Clarke moans at Lexa’s request. Shit.
“Fuck" 
Fuck, fuck. She shouldn’t Holy fuck, she shouldn’t. Fuck, she hopes Lexa’s on the pill, it’s too late to pull out now, Her head falls to Lexa’s shoulder, hands firmly on her hips holding her in place, shooting load after load inside of her.
“Lexa! Fuck!”
The sound of someone entering the locker room echoes through the empty room and causes them to freeze as the water of the shower, long since turned cold, cools their feverish bodies.
Clarke pulls out carefully, both groaning quietly, awaiting the sound of the shower turning on before daring to move. As quickly as she can Clarke gathers her soaking wet clothes, questioning what the fuck she just did.
"Clarke..." she hears Lexa whisper behind her.
She's holding her self against the wall, her entire still body shaking. Yeah, Clarke forgot just how good at fucking she can be. She remembers how Niylah couldn't even move out the bed sometimes afterwards. 
Still, she softens at the sight. Lexa is beautiful and Clarke has never been able to deny that, particularly when she looks like this, this post orgasm glow, chest rising rapidly as she gathers herself… Her cunt still dripping with Clarke’s cum.
Fuck.
This was a mistake. Clarke is so much older and she has a kid and surely  Lexa doesn't want to ruin her life by being with someone who has lived so much more than she has, who is ready to settle into  a quieter life while Lexa has barely lived a loud one.
Clarke is ready to tell her as such.
But when Lexa smiles softly and pulls her in for a more gentle, sweet kiss, Clarke does nothing but kiss back.
“You should go. I’ll call you later.” When Clarke does not move, instead stares at her with a droopy, smiley expression, Lexa cannot help but smile too. “Go. I’ll wait until you leave and get out too.”
Clarke does as she’s  told. Although not before, and against her better judgment kissing Lexa one last time and rushing to her locker. She dresses in a daze and is only when she is nearly at her driveway that she questions what the fuck did she just got herself into.
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hedawanheda · 6 months
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Would Clarke ever try to bake or cook something special for Lexa for her birthday or a special occasion? Does Clarke have one go to dish she’s pretty good at?
Since Lexa loves to bake, she always makes her own cake because she is particular about the flavors and textures and she kind of challenges herself to see how perfect she can make it (something I myself do). But once they get together, Clarke would help with the decorating and try to convince Lexa to lick frosting off of her fingers (and other areas)
Clarke would also attempt (and fail) to surprise Lexa with breakfast in bed the first birthday they are together. She wakes up extra early and everything to get things prepared only for Lexa to wake up to the sound of the smoke alarm going off and a (small) fire in the kitchen. But Lexa would find it cute and incredibly endearing that Clarke put in all this effort, and then the two of them would throw away whatever inedible meal Clarke made and cook breakfast together (well, Lexa cooks and Clarke stands behind her with her hands in Lexa’s hair trying to Ratatouille her)
Clarke would make up for it by letting Lexa eat something else in bed that night.
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dysco-lymonade · 1 month
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🤤
That’s it.
I’m stopping for good bread on my way home.
You did this.
These future carbs are your fault.
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vmplvr1977 · 1 year
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Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈
Aw, Happy Pride 🏳️‍🌈 to you too! And thank you for all your dad jokes that keep us smiling!
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heda-in-the-clouds · 9 months
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How do you invite Santa to a party?
You request his presents! 🎅🎁
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I really hope Santa swings my way
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sassymajesty · 1 year
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What do you call a witch that lives in the desert? 
A sand-witch! 😅
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it took me a bit of hunting down but!!!! i found the sand witch
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butmakeitgayblog · 2 years
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Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive! 😁🐍
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bottom-lexa · 1 year
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Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈
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