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ssruis · 5 days

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You. 🫵 Go read this. Peak rks. Peak rui.

Obligatory comment-under-read-more Of Shame (ao3 character limit my beloathed)

YOU WROTE THIS SO QUICKLY??? 18k???? Has it even been a month since you mentioned this… You’re cracked. I’m scared and in awe of your power. As soon as I clicked the link in the notes I knew I was about to read peak… I was cackling. The mental image of Rui doing that is so beautiful… Pristine, even. One might say immaculate. Perchance. I got my hat on backwards and it’s time to forget 10 years of positive character growth!!

“I remember.” Guilt. Shame. Sorrow. It had gone badly. He had walked home alone. “Sorry about…I’m sorry.”

> you have such a way of conveying so much with so few words… dagger to the heart

Was he hit by a high speed vehicle?

> high speed door, actually. Happens to the best of us.

A life of solitude, easy and empty. Years of solo tinkering in his room in silence. Finding more ways to enjoy being alone. Not yearning, never yearning. Maybe one day creating something great.

> main story rui & his “I’m fine like this it’s just how life is going to be” mindset ouuuugh… creating because he’s given up on finding something great…

“Such careless design!” Tsukasa huffs. “In a place like that, they should really have some kind of tape so people know to duck!”

“To be fair, most people are shorter than Rui.”

“So that means they should just get knocked out every time they want to enter a room?!”

> as I’ve said before I love the way you write the nene + tsukasa dynamic (even if it’s not the focus here). They’re such an underrated comedic duo… tsk could say anything & she’ll throw out a counter argument just because.

Even a high budget production wouldn’t have props this well constructed.

> and it would have taller doorframes! probably. I love the way you capture how Rui is always always always viewing and analyzing things through his director mindset… everything can be related to shows if you just try hard enough.

“And this is the bedroom back here,” Tsukasa says, pointing through the doorway. Okay, he’s just going to ignore him then.

> he’s so funny. His husband got factory reset and he’s entered overly enthusiastic and fretful tour guide mode out of panic.

Rui stares at his ring finger again, twisting the band around and feeling the metal rub against his skin. Such a quaint sight.

> “quaint” auugh… main story rui being flung 10 years into the future and seeing that he’s happy and thriving and living in domestic bliss with that obnoxious blond guy & it’s just. Unbelievable and unrealistic in the way that an unearned cheesy “& then they lived happily ever after” storybook ending would be to him.

I only knew you for a couple of weeks, and then we parted ways. And that was a parting that was welcomed by me, if I’m frank.

> nene your spot as tsukasa’s no.1 hater is in jeopardy

Tsukasa makes a face, but it only lasts a moment.

> tsukasa and his refusal to back down or consider failure (unstoppable force) vs rui’s “this guy sucks big time” mindset (immovable object). Tale as old as time.

Rui catches sight of a framed photo up on the wall, apparently a scene from their wedding. Or a show. It’s hard to tell. There may not be a difference.

> there isn’t a difference. Fully believe they’d treat their wedding like a show. They’re incapable of being normal. show freaks (derogatory) (affectionate)

Tsukasa steps out from the doorway he’s been skulking by for the past ten minutes.

> insert sad ant with a bindle image here

“Okay.” For a second the absurdity almost makes him laugh, but he wills away the smile before it’s too visible. “That’s…interesting.”

Tsukasa drops his stance. Why does he seem disappointed? There’s absolutely no way Rui would have ever entertained something like that, future or past. It’s not like there would be that many poses. He would run out eventually. Though, those did seem- specific. Are there more? No, Rui isn't going to waste his time following that thought process.

> HELP ME they’re so weird!! They’re so weird. I giggled. Rui & his initial fascination with tsk (that never really went away, just changed shapes) & tsk and his 100+ poses that he has memorized and ready to pull out at any given moment.

Like he’s going to be led down a path so softly that it’s already too late by the time he realises the direction is wrong.

> yes… the tsukasa tenma Stockholm Syndrome effect. Millions fall victim to it each year. Fondly reminiscing on the days where I straight up did not care about him. & now that I’ve spent close to a year as a wxs fan I’m tragically very fond of him. As you can see this condition is incurable.

“Well, maybe it’s just because I know you both so well. It just feels like you recognise each other’s vision well, and that comes across when watching.” […] “I have no idea what you guys are doing most of the time. I’m pretty sure the way you express love isn’t the same as most people, anyway. You communicate best through theatre talk and dramatics.”

> YOU GET IT… you get it. They’re so fucking weird. but they are weird together. And obnoxiously happy about it too.

It’s someone that’s making his voice a little softer, at least. Even if he’s still loud. Rui closes his eyes and tries to imagine Tsukasa speaking to him like that.

> saki mention :)

“I wasn’t upset,” Rui says, looking away. “I was simply being honest based on my observations.”

> me when I lie (to both myself and others)

It’s familiar, but it’s- not right. Of course he wants to take it, because this life everyone is telling him about seems so warm and inviting, but- he doesn’t know how. He doesn’t know how to be both himself and this at the same time.

> ow. Pre wxs he’d been alone so long that he started defining himself by his loneliness to the point where he was like “I’m better off like this actually” and now he’s got all this love coming at him from a bunch of different directions… how do you even begin to trust that. Esp when it’s love for a you that you don’t know… ur mind. Love this part.

Two conflicting things can’t both be true at once. There must be an error somewhere. Is that why he feels like he’s doing something wrong?

> He’s so funny... he’s facts and logic-ing his way to the wrong conclusion but because he’s being “rational” about it he can’t see that he’s wrong or that he is in fact letting his feelings get in the way of seeing the problem clearly.

Rui wonders just how much Tsukasa will put up with before he decides he isn’t worth it.

> already shifting from “this guy is the worst I want him to leave me alone” to “he’s the worst but surely he will leave me because I am too much.” Nene was right when she said he’d fall in love again but she had too much faith in Rui (in that he lasted less than a week before the tsukasa Stockholm syndrome kicked in).

> I really enjoy how you show that he’s slowly falling back into his relationship with tsukasa even if he’s unaware of it… he starts teasing him instinctually

There can’t be that much difference between his old self and the new. It’s not as if he’s acting irrationally or strange.

> he’s so blatantly and confidently wrong… it’s inspiring…

It had been an incredible display, by far his favourite part of the entire musical other than Nene’s performance. “Not really. I didn’t notice it that much.”

> HELP MEEE… really holding onto that hatred with a white knuckle grip, huh.

> When I first read this fic I was like “hmm idk if Rui would hold onto his grudge like this but I can see where its coming from” and then I reread it again (fic so nice u read it twice. Or more.) and realized I was so wrong… it’s not just about accepting that tsukasa has changed, it’s about accepting that his life has improved so drastically. He’s mentally still very “I will never belong with anyone and I have to follow my dreams on my own.” Right after the first time in forever that Rui lets himself get his hopes up & then promptly has them shattered during the main story fight, he’s suddenly thrown into a life where he’s happy and fulfilled and accepted for who he is. Of course he’d try to cling to his dislike of Tsukasa, because letting go of that means letting go of the “I’m incompatible with other people” mindset. (Rui vc) that’s my comfort unhealthy-outlook-on-relationships-&-life and I will not be letting it go. Your mind…

“No, she’s happy to do it. Any of us would do the same, if it was something really important. Nothing is worth more than a friend in need, right? Even the best job in the universe couldn’t compete against that!”

> points at Rui in curtain call

“Rui Rui Rui Rui is your head okay do you feel sick do you feel dizzy are you okay do you know who I am Rui????”

> The little pink thing is here (the crowd goes wild)

“Is it true that your head went whambamow?” Emu asks, pulling back to look at him with large eyes. “And now you don’t know anyone and you can’t remember anything like vshhvshvshh?”

> as always I’m obsessed with how you write her like… you nail the emu typical incomprehensible onomatopoeias but I can still understand what she’s getting at.

“Mmm…” Emu’s eyes stay on his face, searching hard in a way that makes Rui feel oddly exposed. Why does it feel like she’s seeing something that he can’t? “I think you’re definitely Rui, but I’m not sure you’re completely Rui.”

> she knows him so well… even putting her insane ability to read people aside she can pinpoint what’s up with him from a mile away even when he can’t understand himself. Because she knows what a happy Rui looks like and it’s not this.

> semi related but it makes me so happy that yes this is a rks fic but it also includes all of Rui’s friendships and takes a look at his dynamics with them. because you write them so well but also because his friends are so so so important to him… there’s a weird fandom brain tendency to go “romantic relationship > importance of everyone else in a characters life” which has never sat right with me, but especially not for WXS. They’re all friends… they all love and support each other & the dynamic doesn’t need to be romantic for that.

“That’s so sad, you really don’t remember any of our shows…” Emu says forlornly, blowing bubbles into her drink as her head dips.

> so cute so cute… you always write in little actions that aren’t plot relevant but do make the scene feel so much more real and I enjoy it every time…

This is the place where everything ended, to Rui. He tries to picture that happiness, really tries to place himself into that life, but it just doesn’t seem possible.

> “where everything ended” obsessed with that. it’s so true. Forever thinking about that little scene they added in journey to bloom after the main story fight where it shows him looking super upset in his room…

“Is it scary?” she asks. It’s the same tone someone might take with a young child, but somehow Rui doesn’t find it condescending. “Because you don’t remember, and now suddenly you have lots of love from every single direction? And that’s a really big change, right? Especially compared to when you first started making shows with us! You always had a big big wall like kztkzkzt.”

> this made me smile she’s so good with emotions & getting to the root cause of what’s wrong… I love seeing emu written so well…

Why would Tsukasa bother to do this, even though Rui has no recollection of their relationship? It’s not something he deserves. It’s not something he should have. Yet, here it is anyway.

> ohhh that hurts… Rui Kamishiro you sad sad man

“Is that a script?” he can’t help but ask. It warrants an overjoyed expression from Tsukasa, and Rui isn’t sure if he’s made a mistake or not.

> tsukasa tenma you are never beating the dog allegations.

He finds himself looking away from the page to watch Tsukasa as he delivers his lines, something striking about the way he moves and talks. Everything seems so deliberate, yet fully natural too. Well, of course, this must be something he’s performed countless times, but- still. Rui never imagined his own work would sound like this. It’s usually lost once it leaves the paper, but now it seems- more, not less. Tsukasa is- adding something to it, somehow.

Rui keeps reading his assigned lines, but finds himself getting a little more into the performance. It’s hard to consciously sound disinterested when Tsukasa is filling the air with so much energy. Is this what they normally do…? Rui could believe it. It feels familiar. It feels fun. This isn’t bad at all. Distantly, Rui thinks his future self must not be a very good actor, because it’s hard to stop himself from smiling even as he tries to stay in character.

> You get it… they’re so odd. Why are they like this. So much of their bond is built off of their shared all consuming passion and love for theatre. Height of romance for ruikasa is creating a show together.

An audience full of ordinary people probably wouldn’t enjoy this. Perhaps it’s something his other self forgot to edit out.

> rui :(

Yes, but also no, because Rui is scared that the feeling in his chest is going to keep developing, keep rising with the liveliness of the room.

> “I can’t catch feelings for the man I’m literally married to. I have to leave” I cannot stand this guy. Aren’t you supposed to be smart rui.

It’s been this long, so an argument was inevitable, this is the start of the divorce era-

“Your jacket’s inside out.”

> DIVORCE ERA… i giggled

“It’s a different perspective, you know? Asking someone for fashion advice with a decade long memory gap? Oh, that reminds me, did I tell you you owe me ten thousand yen?”

> they’re so funny. Your second priority should be checking in on your friend’s wellbeing after an amnesia inducing head injury. your first priority should always be profit.

Mizuki watches him for a moment, then sighs hard, crossing their arms. “Listen, Rui, I’m sorry to have to tell you this. I know it’s going to come as a huge shock, but try to stay calm, okay? The truth is…you’re gay.”

> took me OUT… mizuki you are so funny

A friendly smile and a wave. Once no longer needed, he’d be gone.

Every time he had tried to go past that level, every time he’d dared to step closer, things had gone wrong. The shows he had shared as a child had ended no different to their performance at the park. Rui had started alone, realised just how different he was, and then gone back to being alone.

[…]

Those feelings he gets when Tsukasa checks to see if he’s okay, when he smiles at him- they’re temporary. They’re frivolous. Rui isn’t the type of person who can love someone like that. And- even if they’re not- he’s not the type of person who can be loved like that. This life is too unrealistic. It’s too selfish.

> I’m obsessed with this part… even past the main story Rui was still holding onto his belief that he was simply incompatible with people - because if that isn’t true, that means there’s no easy logical reason for why he was so rejected by his peers. It means he’s capable of forming relationships and it means opening himself up to losing something so much more important than surface level friendships with others when the people he loves leave him (because they have to eventually, right?). & even though that belief was unhealthy, it let him believe he was content being alone, but now that he has all these people who love him it actively gets in the way of his relationships. It’s so much easier for him to view his desires as selfish than it is to believe that other people legitimately love him.

Performing with his friends, subjecting others to his ideas and creations, forming a close connection with someone…it’s simply too much.

> “subjecting others” love that phrasing it’s so true… baby rui going “I forced my shows onto other people and that’s why they rejected me” and the way he started to view his love for others as something that’s inherently too much - because it can rival his love of theatre, and all his life he was shown over and over again through rejection that this passion was too extreme. So it’ll probably the same thing if he lets his friends know how much he cares about them, right? (Wrong! He is stupid.)

His voice is eager and inviting like always, and there’s the shine in his eyes that’s always there when he looks at Rui. Not too dissimilar from a dog waiting for praise.

> do we have solid proof tsk isn’t a very human looking dog? There’s no compelling evidence against it. So it must be true.

“But I don’t think that’ll happen!” His vigour returns tenfold as he shoots up, eyebrows pointed down. “And before it got to that point, I’d do absolutely everything in my power to ensure you were happy and safe! I wouldn’t ever want to make you uncomfortable, but- I don’t mind however long it takes! I don’t care if I have to do it all over from the start! I would do it ten thousand times for you, Rui!”

> tsukasa “unstoppable force” tenma… the phrase “I give up” isn’t in his vocabulary.

He can hear the water running, though there’s no singing or loud monologuing today.

> you are so talented at show don’t tell I love all the little moments in this fic that - even through rui’s lens of Hate - show how upset and concerned and wrong footed Tsukasa is. He’s more than capable of covering this up with the “Rui will go back to normal eventually” attitude but he is very clearly (unless you’re Rui with amnesia) Not Having A Fun Time. Tsukasa Tenma and the no good very bad 2 weeks from hell.

“[…] I like sharing stuff with you. Understand?! How can you say we don’t have anything in common?! I like all of that stuff! I like it a lot!”

> this whole speech was so so cute and sweet. I sniled so sneetly. I hate them (said with great affection). When it truly comes down to it Tsukasa is so good at locking in and saying something that’s simultaneously both completely unexpected & exactly what needed to be said. The cost of this skill is, of course, being so super obnoxious all the time and occasionally getting treated like a chew toy/guinea pig/clown by his friends (which is always funny and deserved).

Of course, the decorations and the music and the flowers had been beautiful, but it was that moment that had been the true act of togetherness - being there as he cried. The silent understanding of ‘this is what I thought I would never have’ without Rui ever saying it, and the realisation that despite everything, now they did have it. Understanding without needing to be told. Not just sharing happiness but sharing sadness and doubt and courage too. To be understood. To understand. That’s it. That’s love.

> STOP get out… this is so beautiful and touching… accepting and being accepted and revealing your whole, authentic self and trusting that you’ll be loved and can love in return…

“Oh, really? But it’s okay if you want to kill me off sometimes. I have a lot of good poses for death scenes! And we still have some fake blood left, so that could be pretty useful for that kind of thing.”

> of course he does. Tsukasa Tenma voice “every actor should have at least 5 death poses. I, of course, have 20.”

“Would you like me to include a graphic death for you next time?” Rui asks fondly. “I’ve always wanted to experiment with using alternative means of showing blood, such as through lighting or with props. Potentially using colours other than red, too.”

“Oh, that sounds good! I’ve been working a lot on my core stability, so I think I could hold even a pretty complicated pose for a good amount of time without moving. And I’ve been trying a new stage fall technique if you want to try shooting me through the head…I think something with a bow and arrow could look really good…”

> what is wrong with themmmm going from a super emotional moment to immedietly talking about the most artistic way for tsukasa to die on screen. They’re insane. “‘Would you like me to include a graphic death for you next time?’ Rui asks fondly.” help meee… fondly planning out a scene where your husband dies violently. True romance. They always follow up their normal and/or emotionally vulnerable conversations with deranged theatre talk, thus restoring order to the universe. I think this is one of the best rks interactions in fan works that I’ve read like. They would. They so would. Cheering and clapping so hard.

"Would you love me even if I was made from polyurethane foam?" he asks distantly. Tsukasa’s eyebrows twitch.

“Go to sleep,” he mutters. “If it’s you, yes.”

> they are so funny & annoying I need to hit them with a bat

God this was so good… I love your writing so so much & I was so excited to see this fic pop up. I will save the longer comment for tumblr where I’m freed from the restraints of the character limit but I’m so obsessed with this. Perfectly balanced between sweet and serious and hysterical… an excellent rui character study… exploring his relationships with his closest friends and how they’ve grown and changed… so beautifully written… you have such a fantastic grasp on these characters and what makes them tick. Thank you for sharing… I’m going to be rotating this in my mind for ages…

#mine #rui #good rui fic… go read… read now…

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