#anti sirius black/patrick bateman

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

So, I live for your shipping posts, Sirius Black and Patrick Bateman? Best buds? One ends up dead?

Pffft.

Now I know you guys are just throwing names together and seeing what nonsense I say.

Alright.

For those who don't know, Patrick Bateman is a character from the film/book American Psycho. For some reason, people like to ask about him on this blog.

Sirius Black and Patrick Bateman

I've talked about Patrick in Hogwarts before. We have to do a bit of head tilting to make it work. For Patrick to fulfil the same role in society that he does in American Psycho, and thus have a similar characterization if with a Harry Potter flair, then he's not a Muggle on Wall Street in the 80's getting high on cocaine.

He's going to be in Slytherin, going to be the son of a very wealthy pureblood family, who's getting high on wizarding cocaine in the Slytherin common room with the Malfoys, Blacks, LeStranges, etc.

Because of this, he and Sirius aren't going to be friends.

Sirius pointedly rejects his entire family and all their values. Patrick Bateman is the very core symbol of these values as much as Lucius Malfoy is.

Sirius will hate him on principle, never mind how they might have gotten along in different circumstances.

I imagine Patrick isn't harassed too much by the Marauders, in the sense that Lucius didn't seem to be nor any of Sirius' siblings or cousins. I imagine their primary victim is still Severus Snape for a variety of reasons. But Sirius makes a point of badmouthing Bateman at every opportunity and noting how much he hates their ilk.

Obviously, this means they're not getting together in the shipping sense either.

But What About Different Circumstances?

I'd still say no.

Bateman isn't really the mischievous/prankster sort. He views what he does as a very serious endeavor and one absolutely vital to his existence. He takes his murdering of random female Hufflepuffs very seriously.

He's not going to make Severus' life miserable just to make it miserable (especially as Severus Snape has nothing he wants/isn't someone who has anything he covets).

Now, he might murder Severus in a dark alley to get his kicks and giggles, but the violence would very much be for the violence's sake with no pretense otherwise. Where Sirius in canon tends to stand by his explanation of being young, stupid, and looking for a good time.

Sirius isn't always out to kill Snape...

Bateman would be.

Bateman I think would find Sirius to be very dumb and generally not worth his time. He's throwing everything away so he can pretend to be one of the common folk and wastes his time on juvenile pranks to make nothing Severus Snape feel miserable.

Bateman's busy raping and murdering Hufflepuffs in closets because he knows he can get away with it. He may also kill Lucius Malfoy and steal his manor in a fit of jealousy, only to then realize no one can tell the difference between him, Lucius, the LeStranges, or anyone else so he gets away with it completely (bonus points if Sirius is somehow implicated for it, as he's mistaken for Patrick Bateman) but it's not the same thing.

I imagine both Bateman and Sirius would view each other with contempt. And that Sirius would have generally very little idea of what Patrick Bateman is up to (especially as Bateman does not become a Death Eater, meaning his pillage, rape, and murder seems almost out of character for a man who does not become Death Eater scum).

Does One End Up Dead?

I'm going to say no. I think they'd keep out of each other's way as neither has anything the other really wants or is in a position to be declared a direct enemy.

When Hogwarts ends, they go their separate ways, and all of Bateman's many crimes are blamed on Bellatrix.

It's a great time to be Patrick Bateman.