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fallloverfic · 11 months ago

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@tired-of-life-86 replied to your post "Thinking about how people assuming Seth isn’t into men is also a big reason why. . .":

I feel like Seth doesn't have too much interest in sexual relationships. He wants love more than anything and since lust is a form of love, he doesn't mind that too much either (if it's with the person he loves.) Seth has been hurt, betrayed, defiled, and tortured. He also has not been allowed to mourn. Since he hasn't mourned or focused on healing. His thought process and emotions are just messed up and jumbled. My poor baby, I just wanna see him happy! ❤

I've generally thought he doesn't have much active interest in sex, like I don't think he proactively seeks it out, but he doesn't mind it with partners he enjoys if they want it. He does very much want to just be loved, and he likes making his partners happy. The problem is that we don't have much of him being in a relationship he seeks out on his own. Just one panel of him kissing Nephthys in the past(?) in S1E18, and the time he spent with Horus in Abu Gorab in S2E70 onward. We don't know why or how he fell in love with Nephthys. We only know how he's fallen/falling in love with Horus, and that relationship hasn't been centered on sex, but involves physical intimacy (e.g., the kiss in S2E70). It involves sex, too, but Horus initiated it that time.

I also don't know that I'd agree that "lust is a form of love". Lust is a desire, and physicality can be a way to express love. But it doesn't have to be (e.g., Osiris, Kuentamen, Fenu). It's one reason people differentiate being "in love" and being "in lust" and a commonish-ish phrase is something like, "you're not in love, it's just lust". I again think Seth doesn't mind physicality with people he likes, particularly if it makes his partner happy.

CW: discussion of mental illness, mention of canon cannibalism

I'm not precisely sure what you mean by he's not allowed to mourn? What is he mourning? Do you mean losing Anubis (or at least the Anubis he knew)? Anubis isn't dead and he's working on getting Anubis back.

Or maybe mourning the brother/siblings he thought he knew, or losing his marriage? He hasn't been supported through the difficulties and trauma he's experienced. But I think he had plenty of time to mourn his siblings if he felt the need to during the hundreds of years of his being king (I think it's one major reason he treats Isis the way he does during the trial; her turning her back on him still hurts, but he's had years to deal with and accept it's just part of their relationship, even if he still hates it and feels hurt by it). He definitely still has issues processing his relationship with Nephthys, which he mostly handled through putting distance between them. His attempting to process/attempting to not process everything is likely part of why he was so focused on getting drunk and drugged out of his mind. I think he might have mourned the loss of who he was before he discovered what Osiris was, but what we've learned in recent episodes leads me to think he's used to giving up versions of himself (e.g., changing to a god of war) for what he believes is necessary (e.g., someone had to guard everyone and he wasn't good at anything else).

I also want to see him happy, which is why I'm glad we actually have in many recent episodes. In Abu Gorab when he and Horus were talking, with the kiss, and to a degree I think with Seth fighting the attacking men, and with Seth hanging out a bit with Anubis in Abu Gorab, and with the cat in Hermopolis. I think he's also been more comfortable with Horus in places. It's important to remember no one is happy all the time. It's just not how people work. We find what happiness we can in between the rougher parts of our lives. I don't think Seth will end up fully happy all the time, no matter how the story ends. I think he'll end up happy to a degree, at least, if not much happier than he's been for a lot of his life, particularly since he and Horus seem to be increasingly honest with each other in a way Seth seemingly wasn't with Nephthys, and it's something Seth values (he likes feeling seen).

I think this leads into an important point (that's not really what you're talking about, and apologies for the text spam, please ignore if you don't care, but I felt like going down the rabbit hole): the idea that Seth wasn't happy after the night of usurpation because that (and following events) messed him up, but that he potentially was happy before that, and that doesn't seem true, not just because of what I said about his being happy at points afterward, but also because of what we've seen of who he was and what he did before. We have a lot of evidence Seth wasn't happy even before the night of usurpation. Like yes, he was with Nephthys, they had a kid he loved, he was friends with Isis and got along with Osiris, and he was a very successful war god and had appreciation from the humans, as well as temples. But even when he was with his family, as Sekhmet notes in in S01E36, the four siblings acted "like they were the happiest family on the planet". How much of that was an act, at least on Seth's part, is up for debate. But even outside Sekhmet saying at least some of it was an act, Seth wasn't happy in his life.

The way Seth describes becoming a war god in S2E89, that it was his duty and there was no liking or disliking it, speaks to me of someone who doesn't have a particular interest in what he does for a living (outside being good at it). We're shown later on that he seems to take pride in his martial prowess and winning fights (e.g., in S1E56, in that panel of Seth catching Horus, I honestly think he's having fun), particularly during the trial, but part of that is his arrogance and bluster and trying to convince people he's an egomaniac who needs to be put down, along with his distaste in losing because Osiris told him that he's weak (e.g., how he reacts in S1E56 to Horus at the idea that it was due to Seth's weakness that Horus assaulted him). In S1E5, Seth tells Anubis that being the god of war is not respectable, and that war itself is awful, and he hopes Anubis doesn't become a god like him. This is reflected in how he talks about the horrors of war in S2E88-9 and how he mentions hearing the cries of humans who died in war calling to him in S1E48.

Seth looks so bitter, angry, and pained about this. Perhaps he was able to tolerate it because he had the love of Nephthys, Anubis, and his siblings to sustain him. Perhaps that's part of why he was so desperate they not forget him, because it's what got him through things. As he says in S1E5, "War is sometimes necessary when you need to protect your family, your land." He did all this out of necessity, not love or enjoyment. And he suffered through it. There's a manic gleam in his eye as he looks at Osiris while the dead are screaming for him in S1E48.

And we know at least part of the reason he doesn't like eating (particularly meat) is because his soldiers had to turn to cannibalism (S2E88). He saw a lot of horrible things in war long before Osiris assaulted him, and he just sort of lived with it, seemingly keeping it apart as much as possible from his life in Heliopolis and the people he cared about. Even Osiris seemingly doesn't know Seth can hear the dead calling to him, nor did potentially Isis.

He also doesn't seem to care about his followers at all (even before he starts slaughtering them en masse), and his awareness of them is quite distant, even before the night of usurpation (e.g., he had no idea who Kuentamen was, despite Kuentamen being the/one of Seth's high priests in Heliopolis, and gods having, allegedly, perfect memory/minds). They're convenient when he needs them, and an irritation when not. So while I imagine he appreciated being worshiped (and while he notably still expects humans to respect him), it wasn't that big a deal. As Seth says to FG in S2E85, "What do you mean, how will [humans] worship [gods]? Humans don't doubt us."

And of course we know that he was afraid of being forgotten, and that this is a fear he had that predated the night of usurpation.

As he explains to Osiris in S1E41, "I always just acted angry so that I wouldn't have to hear what [Nephthys] had to say. She was probably afraid of things ending up this way..." He had anxiety about his marriage - and his fatherhood - from numerous angles before he had confirmation that Anubis wasn't biologically his, and that Nephthys had sought out another man. It's not clear if he and Nephthys fought, or if he was verbally abusive, but he used anger to avoid talking to her directly. To avoid her admitting that she was moving past their relationship in some form. Their relationship was messy even before he knew why Nephthys had made it messy on her end.

So his marriage was a mess, he was at times distant from his son (their relationship is shown to be loving, but it had its complications), he didn't care much for his work, and he was distant if not uncaring to his followers, he had anxiety, he had some anger management issues, he had self-esteem issues, he wasn't communicating well with people, and he was prioritizing other folks in ways that were unhealthy for him all before the night of usurpation.

Isis describes the era before the four siblings ruled Egypt, before Seth became a god of war, as "a quiet, peaceful, beautiful era" in S2E80.

But we also know she was completely oblivious to Osiris' lust for Seth and his experiments and Nephthys seemingly being in love with Osiris at some point. Even in the peaceful era image, Osiris looks kind of upset/embarrassed. He might just be reacting to whatever Isis and Nephthys are laughing about, but I think it's notable he's behind her, where she can't see him. Perhaps for Isis it was beautiful. The question is if it was beautiful for Seth.

A lot of Seth's unhappiness seems to come from his being a god of war, and obviously things that came after that with Nephthys, Sekhmet, Osiris, Isis, Anubis, himself, etc. Perhaps he was happier in that time, before he became the god of war. We don't know. But what we do know is that Seth has been unhappy, in various ways, long before Osiris assaults him, and long before the events of the manhwa in present happen.

Why any of this matters: as someone who's dealt with depression and family members and friends with depression, it's very meaningful to me for various reasons that we have a character who might have some form of depression and/or other mental health problems and who also has happy moments, and I like to emphasize moments where he does find happiness. That not only is it possible for him but it also does happen. His being unhappy a lot does not negate the moments he is happy, or at least stable. A lot of folks in fandom look at Horuseth as it exists and are like, "well Seth's clearly not happy; he needs to not be around Horus to be happy." It's the main reason the Seth x Happiness "ship" exists. They expect him to always be happy, as if that's attainable and not kind of exhausting. As if no relationship ever has ups and downs (heck, even the purportedly "happy" relationship he had with Nephthys had downs from Seth's side due to his own insecurities and worries; love doesn't solve everything). But Horus has made him happy. Seth has reached out to him. Seth kissed him while being a bit overwhelmed by his own happiness at Horus seeing him. Seth finds joy in learning. He finds some joy in being good at fighting. He finds joy in protecting people and being useful.

He is happy in the manhwa, at least in moments. And I believe he'll be happier in future, too.

#ennead #fallfthoughts #seth ennead #osiris ennead #isis ennead #nephthys ennead #horus ennead #anubis ennead #this got away from me I'm kind of sorry for the @ honestly #horuseth

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