#anyway enjoy! i'm exhausted
Text
August and Peter figuring out the whole ~siblings~ thing. From the October Daye series, specifically the Patreon story, "In Safety Rest".
#seanan mcguire#october daye#august torquill#peter lorden#fanart#sometimes you're like i just want to draw out how this wheelchair would work#and you promise yourself there won't even be a background#and then suddenly it's like why am i drawing all this weird coral#what color is anything#what is perspective??#anyway enjoy! i'm exhausted#seanan was like what if we could be in the undersea all the time and i was there!! with bells on!!#friendship ended w/ kingdom of the mists#duchy of ships and saltmist are my besties now#also didn't consider that drawing a full mermaid situation means i have to go horizontal which...not the best for tumblr!
390 notes
·
View notes
Text
fandom will see the most interesting deep and nuanced character and reduce their entire plot and portrayal to "slutty sexy slut needs to get railed" and it's honestly so tiring
#tiring is too mild of a word... it's SO FUCKING EXHAUSTING#dfgkjdfg#you can write fanfic you can draw fanart you can have conversations about sex and characters but BY GOD there's more to media and to life#i'm so sick of allos#angel talks#personal#yes this is about ofmd but it's also about everything esle because you can't escape them lol#anyways i am having a blast enjoying fandoms by myself lately which is very very good :')
83 notes
·
View notes
Text
Tumblr: check out this cool new thing everyone is into!
Me, still obsessed with the 5-10+ year old thing that I've been obsessed with for the past few years:
#Listen#I don't move on until I'm good and ready Damnit#By the time I get to the new thing it's usually old by then lol#New fandoms are exhausting anyways I remember my very brief stint in the vld fandom it was... Brief for a reason#Older fandoms are nice and chill and have lots of pre-established content#I enjoy new fandoms occasionally but older fandoms are where I'm comfortable#Random#Sometimes I avoid new things if I wanna ride out my previous interest first and I think the new thing has potential to be a new obsession#Like I don't wanna move on while I'm still enjoying the previous thing#With some exceptions for mini obsessions that can coexist with the big obsession#Otherwise usually if I get into something relatively new it's because I don't think I'll get obsessed with it#at least not enough to usurp my current obsession#Idk if any of this makes sense lol#The internal politics of my hyperfixations
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
#naruto#uchiha itachi#chapter 224#at least we have the mangekyou!#<-me as an uchiha after doing smth very regrettable#anyway it is so funny of itachi to constantly be like oof aaugh I'm so exhausted after having to use the mangekyou and whatnot#like maybe you could spare its use by not activating it to scare off your 8 year old brother. i think you could use smth else#i think more people should admit and enjoy his sense of spectacle#he is not a rational guy!
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
ooooooh my god i need some fucking joy i need some fucking joy NOW
#literally nothing is bringing me enjoyment right now NOTHINGGGG#(yes i know its the depression. whatever.)#i havent played bg in like three weeks. not even enjoying that anymore either#and i CANT FUCKING WRITE!!!!!#I'm so exhausted all the time I'm so bored I'm so lonely#and yeah I'm reading more lately which is great but I'm hardly enjoying myself I just#im so fucking bored im sick of killing myself to complete job applications just to hear nothing back im so. so tired#whatever!!!!! life sucks and then you die#pretty sure my birth control is gonna kill me anyway so whooo caresssss#idk what this post is about#tbd
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
[Image ID: A colored comic.
Panel 1: Chikao's hand offering a peach. She says "It's a peach of immortality."
Panel 2: Tongbi is mildly surprised. The background is of a night sky. Chikao says "I thought maybe...if you wanted..."
Panel 3: Tongbi's tail rests on Chikao's arm. He says "Promise me something?"
Panel 4: Chikao gives him a mildly confused expression and a "?"
Panel 5: Cut to both of them standing in front of each other. Tongbi looks nervous and has a hand outstretched. He says "If we do this...we stick together?"
Panel 6: Chikao smiles widely and exhales softly in amusement.
Panel 7: "We'll be together forever." Is at the top of the screen. At the bottom there is a peach seed that splits open and grows up into two branches that split off each other, where Chikao and Tongbi sit beside each other and look out at the night sky. The background under the branches is dark green fading into black.]
Yeah I did this instead of the actually planned drawings lol.
Anyway, I actually like how this turned out for the entire thing being made on zero sleep?? Even if you can kinda see the exhaustion start to kick in in places and I'll probably wake up tomorrow horrified at how much I missed XD.
On the last panel I kinda wanna just slowly add stories/drawings under/around the peach tree (that's what I was attempting, the seed sprouting up - I dunno how well that translated lol) and yeah. Idk think it would be interesting lol.
#the last one makes them feel a little more distant than I'd have liked#but oh we'll I'm too tired to fix it now#maybe later (lies)#anyway have some Chikao and Tongbi#I'll explain a little more on this scene if anyone wants to hear#exhaustion definitely kicked this a little bit#but ah well#anyway#enjoy#hopefully#also as usual I crave questions about my OCs :3#tealstars#obligatory bad at image IDs but trying!
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Did anyone order some uhhhhh domestic bliss?
Bonus, zoomed out:
#mhanders#m!handers#dragon age 2#hawke dragon age#anders dragon age#riverdraws#i could add more tags but Idk I'm tired jdfgd#this is just a lil smth inbetween work on the massive piece#who would have known making myself draw 5 different backgrounds for ONE piece would be exhausting right jdkfhgfg#anyways#enjoy nbfjkgs
99 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ough. Post-session fatigue is hitting harder than usual today.
#i think it's because it's um. a friday after school. and also we picked up after like a 2 month hiatus. and also it's my new player group#as much as i love them (truly they are Amazing players in terms of creativity and roleplay and scheduling and such) it is a little...#it feels like higher stress because i want to match their level of detail and like... creativity (which i did)#but also i want to make sure that they are having fun which like. dms always want to do. but them especially#bc this is their first experience w/ dnd and i don't want to turn them off it. bc your first dm can really make or break it yk?#but like hhhhh after my players left i just. kinda cried. and it's wild bc it was a good session and they said that they enjoyed it#but the crash was still So real. also like explaining the rules (it was our first combat they know the rules In Theorybut yk how it is)#like tbh explaining the rules wasn't even that bad it was just. i think it was also just i was tired bc of school#(tbh this year i've just gone home midday on fridays bc i get so exhausted on them) and also first sess in a while and cetera#anyway i'm feeling a little better now bc i talked w/ one of my players and she was like. enthusing abt it. and i listened to good music#but like. wooo. that was a REALLY bad post sess crash i haven't felt that bad in ages#d&D#dante dicit#might delete#dming#dm'ing#dungeon master#dm#dungeons and dragons
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm begging people to realize GIGS is just 4 guys having fun in a ghost game and not them playing characters. Shipping them is just, weird since they are not in character
Also begging people to realize you can tell your friends you love them. And it can be Platonic and isn't romantic. It happens a lot, all the time. Esp if they aren't playing characters
Getting real close if not stepping over the line of c and cc here and its getting weird
#space.text#I want to stay in the fandom but its getting a bit hard#And having to block a ton of people over this is#exhausting#I really do enjoy a lot of people and their art but#man turn the shipping brain off you will have a lot more fun#Sure I've shipped Scarian but its so obvious C! and not cc!#I want to draw gigs but as friends having a fun ghost hunt#idk man I'm tired#and its getting weird and not in a good way#I tell my friends I love them ALL the time and its completely platonic#Its not just romantic to tell people you love them#You Should be telling the people you love that you love them anyways but yah let people platonically say I love you
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
#actually perhaps I can say something about the drama#before even getting in the room: group A has all their meeting minutes online and group B hasn't posted anything more recent than last June#reading thru group A's minutes it's clear that they attempted to communicate with B. several times in fact#group B was hosting this emergency community meeting and explicitly did not invite A to be there#p sure there was someone from A anyways. in capacity as from a different group bc the community is small and people have many affiliations#(regret not talking to that person bc if they're from A I wanted to compliment their minute taking. minutes that are a pleasure to read?!)#anyways. group B is a lot more social justice focused than A (arguably but I'm not here to quibble)#and part of B's excuses for the admitted time lag in replying to A is that the Palestine issue took up so much time and energy#sure. yeah. that is understandable#HOWEVER#it positions B on the moral high ground. claims superiority of their empathy and energy over A. implies that A doesn't/ can't care as much#idk something about activist spaces makes me Ben Affleck smoking Tired#we know you're all exhausted and juggling school and this and that#but don't assume you're special in that? all of us are exhausted and juggling different things#anyways. will probably delete this later#enjoy the feisty fighting orange boys while it lasts! :)
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted#i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter#the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back#and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context#or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with#''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!''#which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it#BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM????#and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with#i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together#but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person#it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist#but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary#of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be#and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it#but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well#or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations#and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think#or even what other people understand#but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun#and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time#he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i#and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma#is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!''#that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels#i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott#idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back#but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#pillars of eternity spoilers#i reached the endgame of poe a few days ago#and i *think* I've reached the big twist everyone talks about and like#the twist itself is cool bc it fits this world#but as an irl religious person I am so exhausted by the rhetoric surrounding it being present in nearly every game I play recently#why even create your world with [REDACTED] if they're not even gonna be [REDACTED] anyway#it was the same with DAI and I didn't like it then either#and like I'm kinda disappointed with myself I've been really enjoying myself and made it all the way to the endgame#but now I can't bring myself to finish it#not bc it's bad but bc it makes me uncomfy#and that makes me feel like a weenie#but yeah it's not even necessarily poe's fault#bc on it's own I feel like it's fine but the frequency of it with other games is just like. played out. for me.#anyway keeping this vent in a tag post bc I'm probably just being Dramatic#marie speaks
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm like 95% sure i'm finished with the first chapter of that ballet au but i am literally just so tired that i can't keep my eyes open for very long when i'm sitting and doing something 😭😭😭 i miss when i had energy.. i miss when things didn't take it out of me so bad.. ANYWAY i will read over it and post it within the next couple days, it's my first multi-chapter fic in a long time so i feel rusty as far as planning and outlining goes 💀 i'm such a oneshot guy
#i'm enjoying the challenge!!!!! and i'm excited abt it#but good grief my constant state is Exhausted (me @ myself: girl.. that's bc it's chronic 🧡) and it SUCKS#i swear on everything i'm going to make my life easier this year and i'm going to find a new job. Somehow.#ANYWAY. hope y'all are doing good.. i'm hoping to finish some diego art soon too
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Girls I am on the fucking brink for realsies this time.
#I am on Tumblr Desktop for the first time in probably years and first of all. it sucks ass#but also. what the fuckkkkkkkk is happening to me#somebody has cursed me. for real.#(pause to say I do enjoy typing on keys. I have missed that if nothing else)#anyways. so first. didn't find my debit card and had to report it lost and get a replacement that could take up to 2 weeks to get.#so no money for 2 weeks. yippee.#and like 2 hours ago my phone shut off for no reason and now I cannot get it to turn back on. I've been trying for 2 hours.#it's not dead. it didn't get wet or dropped. it didn't overheat. it just shut off and will not come back on.#so for 2 hours I was completely unable to complain on here. which is the real issue tbh#I have NO money and NO phone. I can't even fucking buy another phone right now if I had the money.#what's next??? my car?????? (probably)#but like. I can't fucking do this right now#what do I dooooooooooooooo#I'm gonna fucking kill myself. I'm sorry I know we're not supposed to say that anymore cuz positivity or whatever#but I'm so serious. I can't take another mishap that's gonna set me back several years financially. I'm so fucking exhausted#anyways!! sparkle on !!
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
fucksexlovemeforme
The SUN is RISING.
almond-aura
maxx s.
bizarre-adcnture
JOJO★BLOG
kayascodelaio-blog
Pointless
azrielflex
Ali.