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mypoisonedvine · 4 years

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Seeing Red | bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x actress!reader (part 3)

(part 1) (part 2)

series summary: bucky used to brag that he didn’t have a celebrity crush, or really care about famous people at all, which is what made him the perfect person to start working for a celebrity like yourself. except, of course, it’s just his luck that he’d fall for you.

word count: 3k

chapter warnings: mention of past sexual harassment, very mature karaoke (lol), mention of pornography

Day 63 and you still hadn’t talked about it. He’d actually gotten to know you a lot better over the past two months, even almost confessing his feelings for you with that stupid half-asleep storybook thing he’d done way back when, but you still hadn’t talked about the night you saw him looking in the rearview mirror.

Tonight actually reminded him of that night; this time was a premiere, for a movie you hadn’t actually been in but apparently you were supposed to go anyways? He didn’t get it but he figured he didn’t need to. As long as you came back alone this time, he’d be happy.

Of course, when he saw you step out to the car to leave for the venue, he was confident that would be impossible— not that you ever looked bad on a red carpet or anything, but wow… this was different.

“It’s not too slutty, is it?” you asked him nervously, spinning around to show him the back. Don’t look at her ass don’t look at her ass don’t look at her ass—

“Just slutty enough,” he responded with a gloved thumbs up.

“Perfect,” you smiled, and he opened the door for you to get in the back. He took a moment to catch his breath before circling around to the driver’s side.

You actually chatted with him on the way, which was a new thing you two had started doing when he drove you. He looked forward to your talks a lot— especially the ones where you ranted about whatever was on your mind. You would usually apologize for rambling but he liked it; and, you were cute when you got really worked up about something, even if he thought it was kind of trivial.

As he pulled up to the red carpet, with cameras flashing and the indistinguishable yelling of reporters and fans, you shot him a look as if you didn’t want to go.

“Everything alright?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah,” you shook your head incredulously, “I just… I wish you would’ve come and seen it.”

He recalled a few weeks back when you offered him a ticket to the premiere showing, but he’d insisted on just sticking to what he knew and letting your assistant have the spare ticket. “I’ll catch it on Netflix,” he dismissed.

“No, I mean, I wish you were coming with me,” you explained.

Was it hot in here, all of a sudden? Because his cheeks felt warm. “Uh, you don’t want me in there. I always fall asleep in theaters anyways. Just go have fun and I’ll catch you after.”

“Okay,” you nodded with an adorable little smile.

So he waited, wondering if he should’ve taken you up on it all those weeks ago, but decided he probably made the right call. He would just embarrass you in a place like that, more than likely, and you had enough to deal with already. He felt more useful waiting in the wings than being in the spotlight, to use a fittingly-timed theater metaphor.

It was a few hours of him killing time in the car, but he got to relax a little more since the event already had pretty good security on its own. You’d recommended a book called Flowers for Algernon to him, even lending him your copy for the time being, and so he leaned his seat back and picked up where he’d left off from this morning. Of course, if he had known that you’d be gone long enough for him to finish, and that the ending was going to make him cry, he probably wouldn’t have read it. WIth his luck, it was inevitable that he’d be all but sobbing when you texted him to pull the car around.

Wiping his tears and hoping his eyes wouldn’t be too red, he tossed the book into the glovebox and started the engine. You waved cheerily when you saw him from the entrance, and he attempted to navigate through all the other cars pulling up so he could reach you. Thankfully, you didn’t have a new friend with you this time— or an old friend. Jealousy crisis averted, for now.

“How was it?” he asked with a smile as you opened the door and slipped in, unable to hide how happy he was to see you.

“The premiere itself was a lot of fun, I got to see some people I hadn’t seen in ages; the movie, though? Sort of pretentious,” you admitted as you shut the door and he got the car moving again. “And way too long! I could watch movies all day, but that doesn’t mean I want to watch a movie all day!”

“Fair enough,” he laughed.

“What did you do?” you asked innocently.

“I finished your book,” he frowned, trying not to think about it so he wouldn’t get emotional again.

“Ah, I can tell you’re still a little hurt about it,” you smiled mischievously. “Should’ve warned you about the ending.”

“No, no,” he disagreed, “it’s not a bad ending just because it’s a sad one… it was a good book.”

You’d already been smiling, but your smile undeniably changed as he watched it in the rearview mirror. Something softer, something more sensitive. He liked this one better. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

Just in time to interrupt the moment, you saw something on the passing street outside that caught your attention.

“Ooh, karaoke!” you piped up, pressing your face against the inside of the window excitedly. “Pull over!”

He chuckled at how easily distracted you were, but did as you’d asked. He barely found time to slow down to a stop before you were opening the door and running out, flashing your ID to get inside.

He groaned as he realized how completely unsafe it was for you to be in a bar… especially now, when you were at your most recognizable and literally still wearing what you’d had on at the premiere. Thankfully, he managed to pull the car around and park in the closest spot he could find, jogging to join you inside the bar and hoping you hadn’t already made too much of a scene. His hopes were dashed the moment he pushed through the door, however.

“Is she perverted like me? Would she go down on you in a theater?” you sang along with the grungy backing track of Alanis Morrisette’s You Oughta Know; your lips were curled into a faux snarl as you stood on stage with your heels in one hand and the microphone in the other.

Bucky’s head fell into his hands, looking around to see hundreds of bar patrons, nearly all of them with their phones out filming you.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Bucky mumbled to himself, hoping you would somehow hear it and take his advice. Instead, you pantomimed sucking a dick with a cute little wink and everyone cheered. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

“And I’m here, to remind you,” you continued, jumping around wildly; you looked like you were having the time of your life, honestly. If he wasn’t so worried about you, he would’ve let himself smile seeing you so happy.

During the bridge, you stole someone’s water off their table and poured a bit on your head, slicking your hair back and shivering from the cold. There was something about the water dripping down your face, starting to soak your clothes and make your skin glisten...

Bucky glanced around to make sure no one was looking at him before subtly adjusting his jeans.

He watched you sing the entire song, making most of the notes and definitely capturing the anger of the original song— if clearly having a lot more fun with it than most would. The entire bar cheered when you finished, and you took a moment to take some pictures with people and meet a few fans, which he thought was sweet even if his bodyguard instincts forced him to interrupt after a moment.

“Alright, that’s enough,” he guided you away gently.

“Goodnight!” you waved goodbye to someone who was already buried in her phone and posting the photo you’d taken with her.

“Have a good time?” he asked sarcastically as the two of you began to walk out together.

“Would’ve been better if you hadn’t been glaring at me the whole time,” you smirked.

“I wasn’t glaring, I was just… watching. You have a good voice, you know.”

You seemed surprised by the compliment. “Oh. Thanks.”

“And your stage presence is certainly… energetic,” he grinned. “I bet your little charade is already trending.”

“I checked, and it is,” you giggled, showing him your phone for a moment where Twitter was open and you were the #7 topic in the United States and climbing. “And the part where I poured that water on myself is pretty gif-able, don’t you think?”

He raised a brow as he held the back door of the bar open as you slipped back on your heels and walked past him. “Is that why you did it? For the reaction?”

“I did it cause it was fun,” you corrected. “You wouldn’t know anything about that. And the water thing was just practical, I was getting hot in this dress.”

That didn’t seem to be a problem anymore with the way you shivered in the night air as he walked you through the parking lot. “Want my jacket?” he offered.

“No,” you frowned, but you eyed the leather with a hungry stare. He chuckled and took it off, draping it over your shoulders anyways. “How far is the car?”

“Uh, a block? Not much parking this time of night,” he explained.

“Ugh, these heels,” you groaned, “they hurt so bad. I don’t know if I can make it.” You began to slip them off but he stopped you.

“You can’t go barefoot out here, god knows what’s on the ground,” he shuddered; what if there was broken glass or something?

“Well, I can’t wear these,” you frowned, “and I probably shouldn’t be walking on asphalt in red bottoms anyway…”

He probably should’ve warned you before he scooped you up into his arms, but it was sort of instinct and he kinda forgot to say anything first. You squealed a little but then went lax in his grip.

“You’re gonna carry me the whole way?” you asked incredulously.

“It’s only a block,” he shrugged, adjusting you in his arms a bit before starting the walk.

It got quiet after that, the cool night air rustling the trees and blowing through his hair— frankly, he was a little chilly without his jacket, but it looked better on you anyhow. The drive home was quiet, too, or at least quieter than usual, but it didn’t feel awkward, necessarily. It didn’t feel like a lull in the conversation; it felt more like the conversation had just changed from verbal to non-verbal. You both looked around at the city lights surrounding you on the drive, silent because there was nothing that needed to be said. It wasn’t nervous, or tense, or anxiety-inducing like most of his interactions with you (or with anyone) could be.

It felt like time spent with an old friend. He hadn’t known you long enough for that to be accurate, but he was happy to think of you as a new friend. He just hoped you thought the same.

Arriving at the house, he dropped you off at the front and watched you make a mad dash for the stairs and presumably your bedroom, smiling to himself as he parked the car and came in to follow you. He saw his jacket tossed onto the couch and your expensive shoes discarded right by the door. Going upstairs and peeking into your room, he saw your limp form flopped onto the bed, your back exposed from the low cut of the dress.

“You’d better not get comfortable, you’ll kill me if I let you fall asleep with all that makeup on,” he frowned, leaning against the doorway.

"I couldn't fall asleep yet, anyways. I'm wired."

“Any plans to burn off all that energy?” he pressed.

You groaned a little as you sat up, starting to unclasp all the jewelry on your wrists, around your neck, and on your ears. “It’ll take me a while to get out of all of this— but not as long as it took me to get into it,” you laughed. “Then I’m thinking TV and beers.”

“Beers?” he questioned, emphasizing the plural. “You plannin’ to get toasted right before you go to sleep?”

“No, it’s plural because there’s one beer for me and one beer for you,” you explained with the slightest air of condescension, but he couldn’t really think of it as rude since it was an invitation.

“I don’t want to intrude on your chill evening,” he refuted.

“No, really, you’re not intruding!” you insisted, standing up and setting the jewelry on a nightstand before approaching him and turning to face away from him. “Will you unzip me please?”

He stammered a little. “I don’t… see a zipper,” he admitted with a weak voice.

“It’s on the side here, see?” you lifted your arm a bit, and pointed to it.

Reaching out to touch your zipper was reminiscent of that old boardgame Operation: he needed to touch the zipper and only the zipper, cause if he bumped into anything else nearby, he got the feeling he’d get zapped.

His breath caught a bit as he watched more and more of your skin become exposed, the zipper ending up so low that he could just barely see the top of something lacy around your hips— and he had to stop there because anything more could induce cardiac arrest.

“Thanks!” you piped up happily, slipping away to your closet to do the rest in private. “Will you get the beers while I take my makeup off?” you requested through the shut door.

“Sure,’ he replied, turning to leave but realizing he should ask first: “Shiner or Pabst?”

“Don’t patronize me,” you grumbled, and he laughed because it was a stupid question. Trodding downstairs, he grabbed the Shiners from the fridge, stopping to check his phone only to see that it had started to automatically send him headlines pertaining to you.

‘Touch of Blood’ star gives impromptu karaoke performance at Queens dive bar!

He laughed at the picture of you onstage, even though he thought it was kind of reductive to describe you by a movie you’d been in so long ago when you had so much great new stuff coming out. Jumping back up the stairs, beers in hand, he found you makeup-free (aside from some leftover mascara and eyeliner that hadn’t really made it all the way off) and in a robe, laying on the bed as you pointed the remote at your TV. He thought you looked almost more beautiful like this than you did on the red carpet; of course, objectively, everybody looks better when they’ve been painted to the point of perfection, but he liked the domesticity of this. When you were casual and relaxed like this, he could almost, almost pretend you were his girlfriend or something. And not, you know, a global superstar and his employer.

“Beer me,” you requested as he sat down next to you, handing you a bottle and trying to ignore the thorough view of your legs he was getting in that robe.

“Anything good on?” he prompted as he watched you scroll through the channels on the guide.

“Uh, not particularly,” you frowned.

“They’re showing a game,” he pointed out as you passed the sports channels.

“I’d rather watch this pay-per-view porn,” you rolled your eyes.

He cleared his throat but said nothing because he was confident there was no good response to that.

“Hey, I’m in this!” you beamed, changing the channel quickly. He nearly had a heart attack until he realized you weren’t scrolling through the porn channels anymore.

He recognized the film instantly as the one of yours that he’d seen the most, for one very embarrassing and slightly sinister reason; looking down to the corner, he saw the HBO logo and realized it wasn’t going to be edited. His palms got a little clammy but he tried not to worry about it too much.

“Oh, this girl was super nice,” you remembered as you pointed to a character on-screen. “She had a bigger role but most of it got edited out.”

“That must be a bummer,” he imagined.

“Eh, it happens,” you shrugged. “Beats getting fired, or recast in the sequel.”

“Have you ever been fired during filming?” he pressed, morbidly curious.

“Once,” you nodded. “We were only a few days into it so they had no trouble finding somebody new and redoing my scenes. Just think: I could’ve been a Bond girl if I’d slept with that producer.”

“You— what?!” he squawked. “You got fired because you wouldn’t have sex with a film exec?”

“I got fired because of ‘creative differences,’” you explained with exaggerated air quotes, “and, unrelatedly, those creative differences surfaced the morning after I refused to get down and dirty with the EP.”

“Jesus,” he shook his head, “that’s… I hope you told someone.”

“Yeah, anonymously. Somebody will care someday, but not yet. He’s still too profitable, and not enough people have come forward.”

He glanced over at you, admiring your profile as you kept your eyes on the TV and took a sip of your beer. When you turned your head and looked back at him, he realized he’d been staring a bit too long.

“What?” you asked, quirking your brow a bit.

“What?” he repeated.

“You’re staring at me,” you frowned.

“Sorry, I was just… sorry,” he shook his head and looked back ahead. What he found there wasn’t much less embarrassing, though: he knew all too well that this was the scene right before THE scene. The scene he’d watched over and over until his arousal overpowered his shame. The scene that he’d used to try to satisfy his crush on you, but it only made it worse. The scene that had burrowed into his mind and deepened his obsession even as he fought it with everything he had…

You know, that scene. And he was about to watch it with you.

Bucky was completely, entirely, and supremely fucked.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes au

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elentiyawhitethorn · 3 years

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So many lovely Rowaelin fics to read today! I’ve only gotten through a couple so far, but I’ll be binging them all later.

A little reminder, my first Rowaelin fic, An Experiment, will be posted around midnight tonight. Not even excited about it lol, this one is just smut and it reads so cringy to me and I don’t know what to do about it. But I’m exhausted so I’m going to bed, so I’ll be trying the schedule function for the first time. Even the most operable technologies go wrong in my hands so we’ll see how that goes.

Also, I’m getting my wisdom teeth taken out early tomorrow morning, so I probably won’t be conscious enough to read any comments, but anyway wish me luck!

My eyes are barely even open, I’m just ranting at this point like my brain is so dead right now um but goodnight y’all!

#so freaking tired #don’t even know why just need some sleep #not sure what the point of this was but #peace out

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ziaismia · 4 years

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10/08/20

So, I have not had a blog in a while and I miss it. I have so much good stuff to say. This is my cross dressing tranny roommate stacy with jesus. What a dirty slut. Haha Anyways i can call her that because i am too just not with jesus maybe heyzues. Life is full of surprises and adventures. I never thought that I would one day find myself giving blowjobs for Lui Vuitton as a cool musician puts it. Its kind of metaphorical but also kind of not... Covid 19 has been an expensive ass virus to weather. It was so hard going through feeling like the world was ending. It definitely took its toll on my psyche. I have had a few near death experiences from being a transgender woman on the street. I never realized how scared I was of the 4 horseman until i had an extension cord rapped around my neck in the dark. I had just finished smoking a joint with some black guy named twumb on a bed in someones garage. #mylifematters. The joys of an unhinged life playing every which way the wind blows. Thank god I used to be kind of strong and had enough strength to jerk myself free from the noose and run out of the garage screaming for help. I wonder how many other girls he got before me and after. Im not racist but...have never had an attempt on my life kicking it with whites or mexicans even though I know it happens. Anyways let bygones be bygones and so on and so on.

At least i try and keep an open mind. As long as you pay me im cool... Lol right good luck. Anyways, I am really turning into a beautiful, pretty woman. If I just had the self esteem to go with my outsides I could take over the world. Literally, i would be the first female transgender woman emperor like Constantine or Nero. Confidant and strong, embodying the masculine and sexy and feminine embodying the moon. When you put it together you have a day in the life of zia. At least my better days anyways. I wish i was not so damaged but then again i kind of like it. Kind of a weird paradox of existence. That joy you get when your being fucked and chocked at the same time. I blame it on the estrogen. What can i say, girls are crazy and im a girl now and always was. At least now my insides match the outs. So where do we go from here. This blog takes us to about 3 years into my transition. I have had a boob job, a orchiectomy and a major shift in my mind/body. Its kind of sexy being a submissive bottom and having the body to match the mind. Being able to look down when you walk by men not because you are scared but because you are not and its not a big deal.

Wearing the body of a male was so hard on me. It aged me 20 years past my time. After 3 years im finally back to my biological age. I smoke and drink with the best of them, but I mix it up with healthy stuff too. I hate it when you just want to get paid and they wont cum. Can you relate. Lol Maybe some of you can. How random anyways, but then again consider the source. Well that's enough for tonight. It felt good to dump and get some of those things I said of my chest. Catch yall later... Have a goodnight.

Dirty slut stacy ... Not me.

#transgender #journal #blog post #mtf girl #beauty #writing #dark humor

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raiswriting · 6 years

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muse

request: art major!reader w law major!doyoung pls :cc bullet note format if u can!!!

a/n: he’s a year older than you but it doesn’t matter that much

warning: a few swear words oopsie

genre: fluffy college!au

pairing: doyoung x reader

summary: ummm basically just how you and doyoung meet and get to know each other

word count: 5.1k (oops)

lets GOOOOOOOO

okay so basically college has been a JOURNEY

people ALWAYS had some shit to say as soon as they found out you were an art major

it was usually “what are you going to do with that” “do you know how unsteady that career path is”

liKE I GET IT

do they really think they’re telling you something new????

oh I’m sorry your majoring in business Susan™ and you decide to throw away your passions just because some high school counselor told you that you wouldn’t be able to support yourself but IM going to make my passion a career

lol sorry I have a lot of feelings

now onto how you met your mans doyoung

your freshman and sophomore years, you had only seen him in passing

tbh you barely recognized him when you saw him more than once

you knew him as “that one dude that i always see in the dining hall wearing suits”

then junior year you got a job at the convenience store on campus (lets get this BREAD)

pls tell me it isn’t some weird niche thing that only my school has

aNyWHO he started coming in around 2 am right before closing

and ALWAYS picked up 3 coffees all of which had double shots of espresso

this happened about 2 or 3 times a week

(which is very unhealthy guys gals and nonbinary pals pls try to drink cold water instead, it helps wake me up or green tea)

so despite seeing him so often at work, he began to appear less and less everywhere else

were you lowkey kinda sad about it???

mAYhaPS

that was until winter quarter started

you needed an elective class, SO you figured ‘eh why not take philosophy’ you had heard around that the professor is really chill and overall the class wasn’t supposed to be that bad

WELL GUESS AGAIN

because that really nice professor that everyone loved isn’t the one teaching the class this quarter

but hey you figured let’s go into this with an open mind and hope for the best

well on day one of this class (which is a 9 am by the way) guess who struts through the door

mister “that one guy i’d always see wearing a suit” who became mister “that one dude who always buys too much coffee at 3 am”

the man… the myth…… the legend………….MISTER KIM DOYOUNG

yep and ya boi decided to sit 2 seats down from you, it was too far to say hi or anything (esp bc you had never really spoken to him before) but like he was also just close enough for it to be awkward

so class went by normally you found out that the new professor wasn’t THAT bad but there was definitely gonna be a lot of work involved

so yeah life carries on as normal

you still see him all the time at the convenience store

one night it had been a particularly rough shift

your alarm didn’t go off, so you were running late, it had started to rain on your walk to work, and when you finally got there your manager apparently had someone piss in his cheerios because he had S U C H an attitude because you were

TWO

MINUTES

LATE

you were sat behind the counter after what felt like hours of sweeping and mopping the floors

that’s when he walked in

you didn’t even lift your head to greet him as “hi, welcome” crawled itself out of your mouth

you did however notice when he sat his 3 cans of coffee in front of you

“hey your y/n right?”

“that’s what it says on my nametag”

“haha yeah it does. i think i have you in my philosophy class”

when you finally met his eyes, you felt a little bad

you had kinda been giving him the cold shoulder for something that wasn’t his fault

you gave him a little smile

“yeah i am. doyoung right?”

he nodded slightly

the air was a little awkward and silent as you scanned his coffees

as you handed him the receipt he asked “hey do you maybe want to study together sometime. i mean our test is in like two weeks and it’s a quarter of our grade so like if you were free we could hang out and get some work done?”

dUDE you froze

here he was standing right in front of you; messy hair, sweatpants, a sweatshirt repping your school logo and looking very nervous (but very attractive lmao)

i guess your reply took a little too long because he quickly started to back peddle

“i mean if you prefer to study alone that’s cool. i just always see you during lecture and you look like you understand the material and sometimes i get a little lost in terminology but if you don’t want to that’s fine too.”

you quickly snapped out of your haze

“no, no. i would love to study with you. here let me give you my number so we can meet up. most of my classes are in the morning so any time after like noon should be fine.”

you grabbed his receipt back and quickly scribbled your number on it before handing it back

“just text me when you want to get together”

okay honestly you had never been one to give out your phone number just like that and you didn’t really like studying with people

but something about him made it so hard to say no

you just had this urge to get to know him

so when he texted you a few days later asking if you were free to study that night

of course you said yes

and it went pretty smoothly

he has a much better understanding of the material than he let on at first

he even ended up helping you understand a few things

you got together w few times over the next couple of weeks

each time you met you got to know each other more and more

yall quickly became friends

well yall became friends after the first night studying because lets be real it was awKWARD

like neither of you felt particularly comfortable yet because this was the first time you had actually hung out with each other despite knowing of each other’s existence for two years

oh yeah that’s something you found out after getting to know one another

he had always seen you around campus and wanted to get to know you but never did because he thought it’d freak you out having a random stranger coming up to you like

‘hey I know you don’t know me but I see you all the time. let’s be friends.’

which isn’t THAT crazy but to each their own

okay but let’s jump to the time 2 days before your exam

you guys agreed to meet up at the library and the plan was to study for A WHILE just to make sure you were prepared ya know?

so like you get there and he was already sitting in a room waiting

when you open the door he gets up to hug you

which he hasn’t ever done before

and like tbh he was really warm and smelled really nice like it his cologne wasn’t too strong, and it smelt sweet but also very inviting which isn’t really a scent but like do you get me? and he gave a really tight hug like the type that you didn’t want to let go of it felt as though you could stay there forever (this is also where you lowkey start having feelings for him but shhh because you don’t realize it yet)

so back the point

obvi you start studying and besides the hug nothing was really that different

you got through the material, quizzed each other, talked a bit

ya know the usual

time flew by and the next thing you know it’s 12:30 am and the library would be closing at 1 so you decide to wrap it up

“alright doyoung i’ll see you in class. get some rest before the test okay?”

“yeah yeah i will” he rolled his eyes a little bit

“seriously dude. i know you. go straight to sleep when you get back to your place”

he worried you sometimes. He really wanted to do well and the applications for law school were opening up soon, so he’s been kinda stressed no matter how much he tried to hide it and this test coming up isn’t helping

“i will. i promise.”

he walked you out of the library and you two would usually part ways and walk alone to your apartments

before you could turn and say goodbye doyoung was already speaking

“hey it’s a lot darker out here than usual”

you looked up at the pitch-black sky

“yeah I guess it is, oh well at least I have my pep-“

“what? you have your pepper spray right?”

“no i forgot that i let my roommate borrow it. she’s going to a sorority thing and won’t be back until like 3 or 4. it’s fine though my apartment is only like a 10-minute walk. goodnight do”

“wait y/n. i’ll walk you back. it’s way too late and too dark for you to go home”

“no i couldn’t ask you to do that. you’re law and society class is at 8 am tomorrow so you need to get some sleep.”

“well i won’t be able to sleep anyway if I’m staying up worried about you. so lead the way.”

despite the cold fall air, your face felt hot

like you know that it’s normal for friends to be worried about each other but that didn’t make doyoung saying it any less charming

the walk back was nerve wracking

you guys normally don’t hang out outside of the context of studying

so like this was weird, nice but weird

and once you go to your door there was a cast of silence

doyoung was just looking at you

normally it would make you kinda uncomfy/insecure but right now you were calm

there was something about looking into his eyes

the brown was so warm and inviting

after a few seconds of the comfortable silence, he finally looked away

and I awkwardly cleared my throat “thank you for walking me home doyoung”

“of course, i’m just gald to know you got here safely”

“so um, i was gonna wish you luck just in case we don’t see each other before the test but i mean judging from our study session you won’t need it though.”

he giggled and i swear someone could have mopped up your heart because it was in a puddle on the floor

“shut up y/n. thank you though. i always appreciate your kind words. do you want to meet for lunch after the exam? i usually have a lab afterwards but it got cancelled so if you’re free we should meet up.” asjdjjklcbclkNCKDLSNCOS

“yeah i am free. i guess i’ll see you then.”

he took a few steps back “yeah i guess you will. goodnight y/n”

“goodnight doyoung. actually get some sleep tonight, yeah?”

you could see his shoulders shake with laughter as he walked down the steps

to say you were smitten would be an UNDERSTATEMENT

the smile that showed up didn’t leave even after you fell asleep

when you get to class on that friday morning, doyoung is already sitting in his usual seat

the bags that usually take their place beneath his eyes are barely visible today

hopefully he took your advice and actually went to sleep

after the test you both got some burgers for lunch and just talked it had nothing to do with the test which was nice

i guess y’all make a great pair because once the scores came out, both of you got A’s

after that studying together became a routine

every tuesday, thursday and saturday leading up to the next test, you guys would review or sometimes just hang out

it was a mutual decision to help each other study

even if you didn’t share the class, one would be there to quiz and make sure the other focused (most of the time it worked, other times you’d be the reason they got distracted and vice versa)

the two of you would go out for lunch on those days instead

as the quarter drew to a close and the break got nearer and nearer as did finals week

you and doyoung tried to keep up with your study schedule but it was getting harder

you had artwork due

you were particularly stressed over a sculpture that was assigned

your teacher gave you those choice of clay or marbleas a medium and clearly you chose clay

you were going to do marble but then you remembered the other 3 tests you need to prepare for and a portfolio that had to fit the theme of mythology

so basically you had a lot of art to produce and NO INSPIRATION like none, zero, zip, zilch, nada

you sat in the room you had reserved in the arts building

a pile of clay sat atop a slab of rock, a blank page of a sketchbook sat next to that

scrolling through pinterest had stopped working long ago and at this point you were losing hope

ring, ring, ring

doyoung’s name popped up on your screen

it was odd because you two usually texted for everything

“hey, do what’s up?”

“hi y/n i was just wondering if you wanted to grab some fro-yo. i just got out of another test and could use some company”

“ahh, doyoung i’m sorry but i’m stuck doing work. do you remember that mythology sculpture i told you about? well, it’s due next Wednesday and i haven’t even started on it yet”

his voice sounded so concerned “is everything okay? how are you doing?”

“i’m doing okay, just tired. i’ve been trying so hard but can’t find any inspiration” you sighed into the phone, looking out the window of your room

“what room are you in?”

“room 247 in building B. why?”

“just sit tight.”

the call ended before you could ask any more questions

okay when i tell yall it was less than five minutes and he was walking through the door just know that what i really mean is he rAN FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF CAMPUS TO COME COMFORT YOU

so yeah, he got there huffin and puffin, ready to blow your house down (with love)

“doyoung, what are you doing here?”

“well you were upset.” his tone was so matter-of-fact, and his eyes were so wide and innocent

honestly he looked so cute but like you were still very confused

what was he doing there?????

yeah you were upset but you also didn’t want to worry him

he casually walked over to a seat beside a window and pulled something out of his backpack

as he got closer and reached his hand out for you to take it, you noticed it was a sandwich

“it’s ham and cheese. light mayo, no lettuce or tomato”

when your eyes looked up at him he wouldn’t make eye contact

“you said this is the only way you take your sandwiches”

yALL

you only told him this once in passing because he was eating a sandwich with mayo

but pls tell you are putting the pieces together

he stopped to get you food and made it across campus in 5 minutes

the walk alONE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN 10 MINUTES

HE STOPPED AND GOT YOU FOOD TO MAKE SURE YOU WEREN’T SKIPPING ANY MEALS

MARRY THID MANFSJDLFG

alrighty anywho

obviously you took the sandwich and spent 5 minutes thanking him for getting it for you

he sat back down in his seat near the window as you guys chatted for a bit

the conversation slowed slightly and you were able to just look at him

the light was bouncing off his face perfectly

his eyes looked like freshly brewed coffee. they were warm and inviting

his smile somehow managed to outshine the light pouring in

there he was

in all of his glory

your muse

your inspiration

his expression shifted to one of confusion

“y/n, why are you looking at me like that”

he could be your subject for not only the sculpture but also the portfolio as well

“okay this may be an odd favor and you can feel free to say no”

your leg couldn’t stop bouncing up and down and you thought your hands might catch a cramp from all the wringing they were doing

“don’t be silly. what is it?”

“well, i was thinking maybe you could be the model for my sculpture.”

“of course i will but i thought it was supposed to be about mythology and i’m no greek god”

he chuckled a little bit

“shut up do. are you kidding me? your shoulders are like a mile wide. you have a great jawline and that smile? you’d have all the mortal girls falling for you i mean i did. that sounds like god-material to me”

he threw his head back laughing

mostly to hide the huge blush creeping up his cheeks

“okay, okay. i’ll pose for you. what do i have to do?”

“just sit still so that i can take some measurements of your face and then i’ll take some photos for reference afterwards.”

doyoung did as he was told for the most part

he sat there patiently

he kept peeking at your sketchbook as you laid out the rough ideas for a few of your other pieces

tbh you hadn’t even noticed

you were in the ZONE, you hadn’t been this inspired in a while and you wanted to take full advantage of it

you also hadn’t noticed the ,,,, um,,,, lack of space,,,,,, between the two of you

well doyoung had, to say the least

he sat there desperately hoping and praying that you wouldn’t notice how sharply he would breathe in everytime your hands touched his face to move its position

or that you couldn’t notice how much his hands were shaking and how he was constantly wiping them on his pants because they were very sweaty

finally, you had all the information you needed

as you stepped back and over to your chair in front of the clay, doyoung could finally breath

“doyoung, do you have any other classes today? i don’t want to keep you here if you have plans. you can go i can work off of the reference pictures”

he very vigorously shook his head

“no no, i’m free for the day.”

“okay. you should probably go get something to eat while get this started. this will probably be a long process.”

“yeah sure. do you want me to grab you anything while I’m gone?”

“nope i’m good. i already had the sandwich you brought me.”

“okay then i’ll be right back”

after he left it easy to feel the emptiness of the room

even though you were enveloped in your work it was still noticeable

the absence of his presence was palpable

the lack of it was almost suffocating

while you were worked on getting the basic shape and structure you found yourself unsettled

unable to get back into the ‘zone’ you found yourself in before

still, you pushed through the weird shift in the air, but it wasn’t long before doyoung came back with a bag of food

“hey doyoung.”

he glanced over at your pile of clay

“whoa. you made a lot of progress. okay i know you said that you didn’t want anything to eat but i brought burgers and some chips and stuff just in case.

“doyoung, you really didn’t have to. i would have been fine.”

he rolled his eyes but didn’t reply. he simply sat back in his chair and ate some of the fries that came with his burger

the hours seemed to fly by once doyoung returned

it also helped that you played music on the speaker that you brought

before you knew it, it was 5 pm and the sun was setting

you leaned back from your chair to stretch before standing and taking a good look at the sculpture

after about 4 hours of work, you were almost done

of course there were still things that needed to be touched up, like the hair and the eyes

you had decided on a pose of doyoung looking up and off into the distance

you turned and washed your hands in the sink at the back of the room

“here’s your burger if you want it. it might be a little cold, but it doesn’t have any mustard, lettuce, tomato, or pickle. that’s how you like it right?”

YALL HE DID IT AGAIN

HE REALLY JUST OUT HERE BEIN A WHOLE SWEETHEART

“yeah, how’d you know?”

“remember we met up for dinner before a study session a few weeks ago? that’s how you ordered your burger and you told me about how dill pickles were the bane of your existence”

“which they are” you chuckled “but i can’t believe you remembered that”

“of course, i did. i remember everything you tell me”

your heart melted for like the fiFTH TIME TODAY

you smiled and blushed before grabbing the wrapped burger from his hands

you guys sat and ate in comfortable silence

once you had finished you turned to him

“if you’re ready to leave you can. i just have a few things to add but it’ll be okay if you aren’t here. i’m just about out of daylight anyway.”

he playfully cocked his head to the side and crossed his arms

“y/n. i have a feeling you’re trying to get rid of me”

“maybe i am doyoung. whatcha gonna do about it?”

“cry.”

you both busted up laughing

once you had calmed down you looked at him

“seriously do. if you wanna go study or sleep or something go ahead”

he stood up and began to walk closer to you

“oh stop that. y/n it isn’t a burden for me to stay here with you. i’m honored that you would choose me to be the subject of your work and i love spending my time with you”

at this point he was standing right in front of you. looking down into your eyes.

there was no hiding the redness flushing your skin

after a few moments of silence, you looked back down at your hands

he speaks again as if you two hadn’t spent the past minute just staring into each other’s eyes

“so what next? are you gonna keep sculpting me or are you gonna draw and paint a bit?”

“ummm ,,, i kinda want to just finish the sculpture so that i don’t have to worry about it ya know?”

“yeah. where is the light switch?”

“right by the corner near the door”

as he flipped on the switch and light once again flooded the room

you were able to get a good look at the sculpture

despite it not being finished, you were still incredibly happy and proud of it

you sat back down in front of it ready to finish the work

it only took another hour or two to finish once you really got back into it

you spent the bulk of the time adding in all the little details

and you also decided last minute to add a wreath atop his head and the top of a toga

you took a final step back before sighing in relief

you were finished

you almost wanted to cry

while you were staring at the piece doyoung got up to stand behind you and look at it as well

“wow y/n. it’s beautiful.”

“well it’s you so i hope it is.”

LOOK AT YOU. BEING BOLD. OKAAYYYY

before he could say anything else, you walked back to the sink and while washing your hands, asked his help to put it in another room to dry for a few days before it goes into the kiln

“it’ll take a while to dry so i’m going to leave it here and head to bed”

“okay well i can walk you back to your apartment”

“alrighty”

okay so you grabbed all your stuff (with his help because doyoung is too nice to just walk beside you as you try carry 4 different bags filled with art supplies)

the walk back was kind of uneventful

you invited him in to drop all your things off before he headed out, not until you thanked him for spending the day with you and being your subject

okay so 2 weeks pass

you and doyoung meet up a few times because you need him to model a few poses for your portfolio

but FINALLY you finished your portfolio and sculpture and turned it all in

since then you have been relaxing, getting ready for winter break

well “relaxing” is a loose term

tbh you had been kinda stressed over the scores you were going to get on the artwork

and today, the day before the quarter ends, your professor would be handing back your portfolio & sculpture with a score

you decided to text doyoung after getting dismissed from class

y/n: “hey i get the score for my art project back today. do you want to meet up and we can find out together?”

doyoung: “oh my gosh yes. but are you sure you want me to be there?”

y/n: “of course do. you were such a big part of this, i couldn’t leave you out of it. besides you haven’t seen the finished portfolio”

doyoung: “okay. same art room as last time?”

y/n: “yep. i’ll see you in 20”

you were nervous. as you waited in the room, your legs couldn’t stay still so you decided to pace in hopes of calming yourself down

or at least having something to do

when he walked into the room, your eyes met

there was no hiding the frantic look in them either

“hey y/n. do you have it?”

you pulled a card from inside the front of your portfolio and set it down on the table

doyoung’s voice was soft and calming as he walked up to you

“can i look at it?”

he picked up the large folder

in a large gold print:

PROMETHEUS, he dies everyday but wouldn’t wish for any other way to spend eternity

“you chose me to represent Prometheus? what’s his story”

you began to recount the tale as doyoung slowly flipped through pages of your artwork

· “well he was the youngest of the titans, which were the creators of greek gods. it was said that he was also the kindest. when he looked upon the earth and saw how the humans were struggling, Prometheus felt pity and decided to give them a gift. he gave them a divine secret of the gods. he gave them fire. he did this despite knowing that Zeus would punish him if he found out. which he did. the other titans and gods were furious, so they tied him to a rock near the sea. every day an eagle would come and rip out prometheus’ liver and he would die. every night it would grow back bringing him back to life. this torturous routine goes on every day and night and according to the myth it continues until this day, as it will forever.”

as you finished the story doyoung closed the folder

all he said was “wow”

it made you nervous. “so ,,,,, do you like it?”

“y/n. this is beyond words. this is amazing. and you chose me?”

“well yeah i mean. you two just seemed to fit each other. you are the kindest person i know. you’re very generous too. so really it wouldn’t have worked if i had chosen anyone else or any other myth.”

he said nothing. just set down your work and hugged you.

you embraced each other. sharing this moment.

“y/n no matter the score on the other side of that car, just know that your work is beyond incredible. not just because it’s of me”

you both laughed before he continued

“seriously. you are an amazing artist. your art moves people. it makes me feel emotions that i haven’t felt in a while. it takes me on a journey.”

he pulled back and gave you one last smile before grabbing the card off of the table

“on 3”

“….1”

“….2”

“….3!”

a 97 was written in bright red marker

“oh my gosh y/n”

you two jumped back into each other’s arms

the smile on your face was ear to ear. there was no way it was going to fade any time soon

“I knew you could do it.”

“not without you i couldn’t have,” you say leaning back slightly, your arms still around his neck

he rolls his eyes at you

“seriously doyoung. if you hadn’t come by that day i don’t know what i would have done. you were my muse”

his arms were wrapped tightly around your waist

your eyes would have met if his weren’t staring at your lips right now

“y/n.” he whispered

“doyoung?”

“can i kiss you?”

“absolutely”

FUCKING FINALLY

ahem sorry I got a little excited for you

it was great. what can i say

it was everything you expected to be

before you thought that the whole “fireworks” thing was just movies overexaggerating

but NOW you can attest to that

the kiss with doyoung had so much built up tension and caring and passion and just wowza

when you finally pulled apart

both of you were slightly out of breath

doyoung still had this cute, dumb smile plastered on his face

he gave you a few more pecks

which of course made you have a big dumb smile plastered on your face

you actually pulled apart and out of his arms this time and took a look at the score card

beneath your score the professor left a little note

“i hope you don’t mind but i emailed the art gallery about your work. they have a small exhibition open if you’d like to showcase your art. here’s the email: _______. please consider it. you have serious talent.”

“an art gallery doyoung. an exhibition in an art gallery.”

tears fell down your face

this was an amazing opportunity

a dream came true

“i can come over tonight and we can email them.”

you just nodded your head

tbh you were still in shock

this was a huge opportunity

“so y/n. i know there is a lot going on right now but I can’t wait. will you be my girl/boy-friend?

“doyoung of course. can you help me take this stuff back to my apartment then if you want we can go grab something to eat?”

he nodded happily and grabbed the sculpture

THE END

goodness gracious that took a while

I hope you enjoyed reading this 5 thousand-word trainwreck

I know some of the stuff about creating sculptures isn’t accurate, but I need to make it work with the timeline I had in my head

I hope it didn’t bother anyone too much

but yeah

thanks for reading

also I didn’t proofread this so hopefully there aren’t many mistakes

if there are just message me and I’ll fix them

also also here’s a sequel type thing that doesn’t have to be seen as a sequel umm it isn’t as good as this one but here ya go

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shadowofdarkness22 · 6 years

Note

prompt: its Ji An's birthday, DH & the ajusshis take it upon themselves to organize a small birthday party at Jung Hee's bar?

My first prompt and its full of fluff!! Sorry for taking a while Anon, but I really hope you like this. It literally turned into a long monster while writing it and while I was trying to keep it short the story wouldn’t let me. My life. lol

I have two other prompts in my inbox! I will get to them soon I promise, but consider I work a lot and I need to come up with fresh ideas. Anyone want to post a prompt please feel free to send me an anon! I will also be posting this on ao3 because I want others to be able to write fics as well!

Enjoy!

Today was her birthday.

The date on the computer screen stared back at her as Ji An stopped typing out the receipts sitting on her desk. She stared for a moment before continuing her typing as if not noticing that fact. Birthdays were usually very special to normal people, but that was for people who had families to go home to and seaweed soup to eat. Ji An had no one to go home to. She had her grandmother, and perhaps she might take off early to spend a few hours with her, but after that… what did she have? She glanced at Park Dong Hoon’s desk and watched as he worked diligently, typing away on the computer or staring at designs of buildings.

Ji An looked away when he looked towards her and continued typing like nothing happened. She only glanced up when he stood and went to get something from the break room. She heard the fridge open and glanced down at the papers on her desk wondering which receipt she left off on before she heard Dong Hoon clear his throat at her. She turned to look at him and he held out a drink towards her. She accepted it automatically, a bit surprised but thankful. “Wait for me after work, i’ll treat you to a meal.” he said. It was almost too quiet for her to hear, but she heard it. He walked back to his desk and she followed him with her eyes.

She glanced at the drink and felt the warmth of the coffee ease the pain of her hands from scrubbing dishes and floors all last night. She looked at the clock and thought perhaps this year her birthday would be just a little bit different.

–

They walked together along the familiar path side by side. Ji An kept glancing at Dong Hoon, wondering just where exactly he was going to take her to eat. She didn’t think he knew that her birthday was today, but Ji An selfishly wanted him to know anyway. She thought at least her Ajusshi of all people would make her feel special on the day she was born. Yet, as they headed down the path towards her home her excitement began to change to one of confusion. Especially since they stopped in front of Jung Hee’s bar. She passed by this bar many times and never actually walked inside, but listening through Dong Hoon’s phone, she caught a glimpse of what it was like. How lively his friends were. How kind they were despite all their problems. Ji An still wished she could be their age as soon as possible, if just for a moment so she could finally be a part of it.

“Here?” she asked, looking at Dong Hoon as he nodded.

“Jung Hee has good food and everyone wanted you to come by.” he said and let her walk first. Her confusion didn’t ease, but she walked to the door anyway. This time, she would know what it looked like on the inside. However the moment Ji An opened the door she wasn’t greeted by a bar filled with middle aged men drinking and talking about their lives. Instead she was greeted with a pop of confetti and a shout of excitement. Everyone in the bar stood up at the same time and cheered causing her to step back in surprise and back into Dong Hoon who caught her. He chuckled and eased her forward through her surprise and as soon as he let her go Jung Hee came over and dragged her to sit down.

Everything happened at once, people were singing and clapping. They handed her a drink and told her to join them, laughing when she downed the glass in a shot. “Oh! She drinks well!” one says and Ji An tries not to feel embarrassed. Eventually Jung Hee brought out a small cake with a few candles and put it in front of her. Everyone sang to her and told her to make a wish. The loud room became silent and Ji An stared at the cake for a moment, wondering what to wish. Her eyes found Dong Hoon and found he was looking at her, waiting just like everyone else in the room for her to make her wish. She thought for a moment before blowing out the candles.

“What did you wish for?” Dong Hoon asks her a little later as everyone gets a piece of cake (Jung Hee cutting her the biggest piece of course). Ji An merely shrugs.

“It’s a secret.” she says and he chuckles and shakes his head.

“Fair enough.”

The party continued on for a few more hours, Ji An receiving far more presents than she ever expected. Some were new clothes (that was from Jung Hee), a new make up set (from Yoo Ra), and a bit of money of course. But there wasn’t a present from Dong Hoon anywhere in sight. “Hey, Dong Hoon did you forget her present?” Jung Hee asks, looking like she was about to drag Dong Hoon out of the bar. Her Ajusshi stood quickly and shook his head.

“No, No. I didn’t forget.”

“Jung Hee relax! He’s the one that set this whole thing up remember? Called us all last minute yesterday. That’s probably the best present right there!” said the guy who Ji An remembers as the one who apologized to her last time for saying weird things while he was drunk. Ji An looks over at her ajusshi as he sits back down at the table while everyone continues talking. She looked down at her drink and realizes then and there why Park Dong Hoon always comes down to this bar. It wasn’t exactly the bar itself, but the people. There was a close bond with everyone that resembled something like a strange family. They were each holding each other together and despite not knowing her as other than Dong Hoon’s colleague, they had accepted her into their little family.

It was a feeling she never thought she would feel again.

“What’s wrong?” Dong Hoon asks as he’s suddenly right there in front of her. She was confused as to why he would ask, but then she realizes everyone else is staring at her and there’s a wetness on her cheeks. She wipes her eyes hastily. “Nothing.” she says. “I’m not sad.” she quickly counters, trying to reassure everyone. “I’m just… not used to this.” was all she could say. Everyone seemed to understand quickly enough and let her be, but Dong Hoon didn’t leave her side for the rest of the party.

–

The excitement finally died down and everyone finally started to leave. Ji An managed to get all of her presents into one bag to carry home and couldn’t wait to crawl into bed and fall asleep. She hadn’t done this much in a while and she was exhausted, but she had a lot of fun. “Ahh, I haven’t partied like this since I was young!” one of the men said causing the others to laugh and agree. They turned to her and wished her a happy birthday. “Take care and live well!” they said before walking off to go home to their wives. Dong Hoon’s younger brother had already left with his girlfriend to take her home, but not before giving Ji An an unprompted and unexpected hug.

“Good luck!” she beamed before running to Gi Hoon’s side where he scolded her for hugging someone without permission. She proceeded to hug onto his arm. Finally that left the eldest brother Sang Hoon, Jung Hee, and of course her Ajusshi.

“Ready to go home?” Dong Hoon asked her and she nodded feeling like she was going to sleep well tonight. She thought they all were going to walk together again, but Jung Hee complained of a mess and headed inside her bar after wishing her happiness on her birthday. The eldest brother simply waved at them goodnight and told Dong Hoon to keep her safe as he walked home. It left the both of them alone as they made their way to her place.

It was familiar and quiet. Ji An felt relaxed and looked up at the sky. The moon was round and full tonight and Ji An made a note to visit her grandmother first thing tomorrow. “Do you like the moon?” Dong Hoon’s voice pulling her from her thoughts as she looked back ahead.

“My grandma does.” she answered, taking in a deep breath. “She likes the way the moon makes her feel.”

“How does it make her feel?”

They were climbing the steps to the blue door and she stops in front of it. “I’m not sure.” she answered honestly. She never asked why her grandmother liked the moon so much. Ji An turned to her Ajusshi and he was looking at the door behind her as well as the area around them before looking at her. They looked at each other for a moment before Dong Hoon broke the contact first and pulled out a small long box from his bag. “Here.” he said. “Happy Birthday.”

Ji An took the present from him already curious about what’s inside. “Jung Hee thought you forgot.” she said, feeling strange and content as she held the box. Her Ajusshi simply huffed in laughter before pulling the strap of his bag further up his shoulder.

“Head inside and open it later. Get some sleep.” he said before turning away and walking down the steps. She stood there as he headed further down, a bag in one hand and the wrapped present in the other. She clenched tightly onto both just wanting to do something once. Just once. So without thinking she set down both of her presents and ran after him down the steps. He didn’t have a chance to turn around as she collided into him and wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face into his back. He staggered forward and Ji An held on tighter, thinking he was going to take her hands off, but she refused to let go. Just for a moment she thought. Just once. “Thank you.” she said and meaning it. Her heart was pounding against her chest as his breath caught in his throat before he let out a loud sigh. She squeezed her eyes shut, thinking he was going to force her to let go, but instead he patted her hands gently.

“Alright.” he said with the calm voice she couldn’t help but love. “Head inside. It’s late.” he said again and she slowly let go before turning around and running up the steps as fast as she could. She grabbed her things and headed inside, quickly shutting the door before she could see his face. She already knew what to expect.

Later when she was unpacking all the presents everyone gave her and getting ready to go to sleep, she saw Dong Hoon’s present sitting on the table, waiting for her to open it. She was naturally curious and grabbed it, opening up the wrapping paper to reveal a white box. When she opened the lid her expression morphed immediately into one of confusion, wondering if this was actually a gift from Dong Hoon. But after looking at it for a long minute she realized why her Ajusshi gave her this particular gift. She let out a small laugh, before covering her eyes as the laugh built up into a bigger one until she was lying on her back clutching the box to her chest laughing so hard she was crying.

When she calmed down she stared at the ceiling of her room. This gift made her love him even more as silly as it was. Park Dong Hoon gave gifts with meaning after all. She made a note to buy him those new slippers and turned off her light to go sleep. Right beside her inside the box was long white socks for the winter with small dots of ladybugs printed on the top.

#my mister #my ajusshi #tvn my mister #lee ji an #park dong hoon #shadowofdarkness22 #shadowofdarkness22 writes #prompt fill

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canaryatlaw · 6 years

Text

mmm. I have a lot of conflicting emotions about things right now. mostly nothing to actually do with today, just stuff that’s been floating around in my head and being exacerbated by not knowing what’s going to be my future. Like if it’s NY that’s going to be a whole new world I’ll have to adjust to, and even if I stay in Chi I have no idea what I’m going to do job wise. And everything being in flux like that just makes it so difficult to plan practically anything. And on top of that I just have so many messy emotions regarding friends and relationships and I’m trying to make sense of it all but my brain doesn’t work correctly because it’s actually depending on 3 different antidepressants to change the chemistry, so I can do more than literally just sleep all day like last summer. and antidepressants are great and I’m very thankful for them, but sometimes there are gaps, and things just don’t work right, or past experience makes you paranoid about certain behaviors and desperately trying to prevent the past from repeating itself while also trying very hard to not come off as clingy because I know that I can be very clingy and I really hate that. Trying to convince myself I’m not being purposefully excluded which I know in all rational thought I’m not, but my mind is not always rational and has such feelings anyway. Sigh. Anyway, that's enough rambling, I should actually talk about my day now. It was fine, pretty good. I woke at I want to say 10:22, and before I looked at the clock I thought it was much earlier than that, like 6 am but no it was later so I got up and had some breakfast, after which I got in the shower to continue the whole morning shower thing (and omg, my bangs looked so good all day, I’m so obsessed with them). My normal hair routine is to use shampoo every day, then every 3 days use the special color depositing conditioner I have, as recommended by my hair stylist to keep it from being oily, and it’s worked pretty well so far. I only brought the conditioner with me because shampoo is shampoo for the most part, and after I used the stuff they had here my hair had a very weird feeling to it, like hard and would like, make noises and shit if you pressed against it lol, so I took a very tiny amount of conditioner and worked it through my hair which seemed to help a lot. My mom, my uncle, and I ended up going to this giant mall not too far from them (my aunt was totally pooped from partying yesterday and just wanted to sleep). It was pretty cool, a really big place, so we mostly just walked around there for a bit and went in different stores. We got some lunch in the food court from a soup and salad place that I’m pretty sure has places in Chicago, I got the crab and corn chowder which was very good, there was a hint of spice but strangely enough it wasn’t the burn my tongue spice but more like I could just feel it in my mouth afterwards. Idk, it was weird. We took a look in Brookstone trying to find something for my dad being that father’s day is next weekend and his birthday is two days after that (both my mom and my dad have birthdays super close to mother’s day and father’s day respectively, which is very convenient tbh 😂) because he likes their kind of gadgets and such, but they didn’t really have much, just like, stuff for a grill, speakers, and a bunch of different massage centered products, so that was a bust. We ultimately ended up leaving without buying anything (which is honestly rather impressive) but we drove back and stopped at a Tim Horton’s on the way, because Michigan, I got a small white hot chocolate because of course I can’t have coffee, and we chilled out in there for a bit before going to the house. Upon arrival we all just chilled for a while, and eventually got around to the topic of dinner, there wasn’t much in way of options at the house since my aunt was down for the count, so we ended up getting chinese food that I ordered online and my uncle and mom went to go get. I’m finding that the term “lo mein” can have many different interpretations depending on where you are ordering it, because several times in Chicago I’ve had types that didn’t match the one I’m used to, and this was one of those as well. It was still pretty good though, and I ate rice and fortune cookies and all that good stuff. By the time we finished it was about 7:30, and we watched a little tv before switching over to the Tony Awards!!! Which I realize I did not liveblog on here at all lol, I had to make a decision if I wanted to live tweet it on my main internet peeps account or my IRL people’s account, and I ended up going with the latter because that’s where my actual theatre people were. Overall I thought it was pretty good, Josh Groban and Sara Bareilles were great hosts. This review is probably not going to be in chronological order of the show, just warning you now. When they honored the Parkland drama teacher for hiding SIXTY FIVE FUCKING CHILDREN in her office for two hours before the all clear was given, and of course she should be credited as many of the more outspoken student advocates from Parkland were in the drama program and credit it for giving them the means from which it express their opinions. man, I cried so damn much. And then they had them all sing, SING, ONSTAGE, AT THE TONYS, as high schoolers, man, that has got to be such a dream come true. The girl who had the Joanne solo towards the end of the song fucking KILLED IT, I was watching knowing she had the high note at the end and I’m just thinking please don’t crack please don’t crack and she didn’t, she fucking NAILED it in an incredible show of talent, like dude, that’s insane. So I enjoyed that part of it. It was interesting that Mean Girls performed so early on. I was wondering what song they were going to do, and I understand why they chose what they did as it featured most of the cast, but I also think it wasn’t the strongest song(s) in the show, so that wasn’t all that helpful. Taylor Louderman sounded either very nervous or sick, her voice was pretty shaky, but she pulled through. I fucking lost it at Karen, I knew just from listening to the OBCR that she was perfect for the role, and tonight just confirmed that, she was great. I wish my girl Janis got to do more (I had been thinking maybe they'd do Revenge Party) but at least she got in there. Other things, let’s see, I hadn't heard of The Band’s Visit until tonight, so I certainly wasn’t expecting them to largely sweep the awards, I guess the voters (or whoever determines the winners) were really feeling it. Not gonna lie, Hailey Kilgore from Once On This Island was fucking ROBBED for the leading actress Tony, she had a stellar performance and she totally deserved it. Loved their number as much as I did when I saw the show back in January. Frozen was interesting on a few different levels. I had been thinking about how they were going to split the musical into two acts, and how Let It Go might be too early in the story to make it the act one finale, but there’s no way in hell you’re going to get an act one finale that even holds a candle to it. So I looked it up and they ended up just making Let It Go their act one finale, probably a good choice. When I saw they were doing for the first time in forever I was like oh we’re gonna end up switching to Let It Go, they had to, so of course I was right and they did, and man, they nailed it so well. It was clear they had to get that scene exactly right if they wanted to be taken seriously as a show, and they managed to find an actress who can actually hit the notes on a level comparable to Idina Menzel, because if she didn't that’s all anyone would be talking about. But she fucking killed that song, made it her own, and even managed to hit an extra high note that was not in the movie score, I was really impressed and I might go see it honestly, I’m trying to think, I wasn't as engaged with the performances of shows I’m not terribly familiar with, Carousel had a great dance number but I didn’t get much else out of it. The Spongebob number was......something alright, I mean if nothing else he certainly did a great job embodying Squidward, so there’s that. I’m trying to think if I have anymore feedback but it’s 1 am here and my eyes really want to close so I’m gonna try to keep it short. The De Niro thing was fucking hilarious and I love that it happened. I am cautiously curious about the harry potter play, I know a lot of fans thought it was trash, but it did do fairly well awards wise so there might be some good in there. Alright, that’s the end of my day and that’s it for now, my eyes really want to be close so that is what I’m going to do. Goodnight my lovely friends, Good luck on your Monday.

#daily journal #June 2018

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delos-mio · 8 years

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Partners- Part 3- AU College Logan

A/N: um sorry this “chapter” is kinda long idk it just got away from me soooo lol

It started out soft, his lips barely brushing against yours. They were full and soft as your mouths got to know each other. You moaned into his lips when his teeth grazed your bottom lip, tugging on it gently. Both of your breathing became heavy as the kissed gained intensity, hands beginning to roam. It was when you felt his fingers dance near the swell of your breast that you broke away from him.

“I…I have to go…” You stood up quickly, shoving your notebook back in your bag. Logan was still sitting up in bed, a confused look on his face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. We shouldn’t have…”

“Why the fuck not? Why are you leaving?” he questioned, standing up out of bed, making his way over to you.

“Because you don’t know me at all, Logan. And I barely know you,” you huffed. He had an almost pained expression at your admission. “And I don’t think you really want to know me well. And that’s fine. But I won’t let you just—“ you started before he cut in.

“Whoa! A little judgmental, don’t you think?” He crossed his arms.

“I didn’t mean it like that…” you whispered. He stood directly in front of you, nearly a head taller than you. He paused, giving his next question a little thought.

“We have a game on Friday and a party here after. I want you to come,” he said running his thumb over his bottom lip. “You can bring your roommate or friend or whatever if you want,” he added quickly. You stared into his deep brown eyes for a moment, waiting for the punchline. Why was he so keen on having you around?

“I think we can probably come for a bit,” you said coyly, smirking at him hoping to diffuse some of the tension.

“Glad you can make time for me,” Logan teased. You both awkwardly smiled at each other for a minute before he spoke once more. “Can I…” He reached forward and cupped your cheek, placing a single soft kiss on your lips. You blushed as you stepped back from him, picking up your bag once again. You reached in and grabbed a pen and took his hand in yours.

“Let me know what time,” you said as you scribbled your number on his palm. You turned to leave and heard him snort a little behind you.

“You do remember I JUST showered?” He called to you.

“Shut up,” you laughed and closed his bedroom door behind you. Night had fallen and you were thankful the walk back to your apartment was relatively short since it had easily dropped below 40 degrees at this point. You bounded up the staircase and tried to quietly open your door, but Sam was already there to greet you.

“Spill.”

“Can I set my things down first, please?”

“No.” She sat at the kitchen table and beckoned you over. After dropping your bag at your feet, per her request, you sat down across from her. “So, did he try to kiss you?”

“Oh my god Sam…” you blushed.

“HE DID!! He totally kissed you! You little minx,” she teased. “How was it? Was it super hot? God he’s so hot, Y/N…” she said trailing off, no doubt lost in her own explicit thoughts about Logan.

“It was nice,” you said, completely understating the way you felt when he first put his lips on yours. “Anyway, we were invited to a party at his frat after the game Friday.” As soon as the words left your mouth, you saw her eyes widen tenfold.

“I…we…you said yes, right?”

“I did, but I didn’t think you’d be this crazy about a frat party. We haven’t been to one in almost three years,” you chuckled.

“Yeah but Logan and all those lacrosse boys weren’t there three years ago,!” she exclaimed. You laughed and rose slowly from your seat.

“Well, I still have some homework to finish up, so I bid you adieu.” You went back and scooped your bag up off the floor before heading for your room.

“Pizza later?” she yelled. You flashed her a thumbs up before closing your door behind you. You were a few hours deep in reading for biology when you felt your desk vibrate. You lifted your phone to be faced with an unknown number.

L: Hey you. Games at 7, party around 10

Your stomach did a flip before you typed out your response. Part of you thought it was all an elaborate act and he’d never text you.

Y: Great I’ll see you there L: Gotta go hard at practice this week, make sure I impress ya Y: Oh god… L: Are you rolling your eyes at me? ;) Y: Clearly L: Why are you so mean to me? Y: I’m not mean to you. You’re just a cocky little shit L: I’ve never been accused of that Y: It’s true L: So…what are you wearing right now? Y: Goodnight Logan

You scoffed at him at switched your phone to its lock screen. After getting ready for bed, you settled in and lied awake thinking about Logan and your day. Finally, sleep overtook you, only to meet that dark-haired boy again in your dreams.

Friday was finally here and campus was buzzing with excitement. Everything was crimson and gold, and everyone seemed like they were in a slightly better mood. Sam and you had went down to the field about half an hour early to get a good seat and maybe sneak a peek at warm ups. The boys were out on the field stretching when your eyes were pulled to Logan, folded over at the waist. You were lost in admiring how nice his ass looked in those mesh shorts when Sam shook your arm and pointed at the boy next to Logan.

“God, Travis is so hot. Do you think he’ll be there tonight?”

“I would think so. I’m pretty sure they’re frat brothers.”

“I’m gonna fuck him tonight,” she stated simply, never taking her eyes off him. “and you’re gonna fuck Logan.”

“Whoa there, we are definitely not fucking. But you do you. I’ll be there cheering you on,” you grinned at her.

The team was heading towards the bench in pairs. A group of three girls got up from a few rows in front of you and leaned up against the railing and shouted for Logan’s attention. He looked up and them and gave them a crooked smile. They all wished him good luck in unison and blew him a kiss. You would be nauseated if you saw that happen to anyone, but it turned your stomach particularly hard to see it directed towards him. Why did it bother you so much? You couldn’t be jealous of someone you didn’t have feelings for. Logan waived at them and said thank you, from what you could tell as a less than expert lip reader. As they headed back to their seats, Logan looked up into the stands and locked eyes with you. His smile widened and he waived his hand vigorously over the top of his head. You giggled and gave him a small wave back. This caught Sam’s attention immediately.

“If you ever try to tell me he’s not into you, I will physically fight you.” She gave him an enthusiastic wave, which he returned and mouthed ‘roommate’ with a visible question mark at the end, to which you nodded. He motioned behind him, conveying it was time to go and get serious about winning this game. You responded with a wave goodbye and a gesture you thought resembled a cheerleader saying “go team”. He visibly laughed and nodded his head in thanks before turning away.

“Ok, maybe I have a crush. But it’s only a little one,” you whispered to Sam.

The game was a lot closer than the home team would have liked. Our defense was lacking, but Logan was phenomenal. Not that you knew all that much about lacrosse, but he was scoring goals and his team seemed pleased with him. In the end, you took home the win, and the crowd rewarded them with an uproar of applause and cheering.

You and Sam had stopped home for a costume change before heading over to the Delta Chi house. You opted for a long sleeve black romper that you thought made your butt look good. Sam, on the other hand, went with a skin-tight body con dress, clearly not playing around about getting with Travis.

The walk seemed even shorter than before, maybe because your adrenaline was already pumping. You could hear the party before you could see it. There was already one shirtless man passed out on the lawn who would surely be accompanied by more by the end of the night. You opened the heavy door and amazingly enough, bass could in fact get louder than it was outside. You made you way down the hallway, when there he was, solo cup in hand, leaning casually against the wall. A girl in barely-there shorts was laughing and running her hand down his chest. He had a slight smile, but looked otherwise bored with her, which made you feel better in a sick way. He looked over your way and that shit eating grin was on his face once again. He excused himself from his current conversation and made long strides to where you and Sam were standing.

“And here I thought you’d stood me up,” he said, wrapping his strong arms around you. He smelled like beer and that same natural spicy clean scent he had when he was fresh out of the shower. You were tempted to stay there and smell him a bit longer.

“This would have to be a date in order for me to stand you up, Logan.” He immediately shushed you, making it evident he was already a few glasses deep. “This is my roommate, Sam. Sam, Logan,” you mumbled, still being held firmly to his chest.

“Nice to meet you,” he said, releasing you only slightly to shake her hand. Sam’s eyes lit up.

“Nice to meet you too. Uh…do you know where Travis is by chance?” Her eyes scanned the crammed hallway.

“Last saw him by the kitchen,” he motioned off behind him to the right.

“Cool. Take care of my girl,” she said, patting his arm as she walked away.

You parted your lips to yell after her, but nothing came out. Here you were, Logan’s arm still around your back, and something about it made you feel safe. He looked like a model, his black button down unbuttoned just far enough down to be considered teasing. He looked you up and down, lingering just a little too long at your chest before staring deep into your eyes, his gaze was almost too strong.

“I really am glad you’re here,” he whispered as he played with the ends of your hair. You cast him a knowing look. “What! I really am. Been waiting all week to see you again. Can I get you a drink? Sorry, I started without you,” he teased.

“Sure. Beer, please,” you laughed.

“Wait here for me,” he pleaded, finally releasing you as he turned toward the kitchen. He reappeared only a moment later with a matching solo cup. You clinked glasses and drank, never breaking eye contact.

“I think we pulled out a win because you were there,” he said, hiding his face behind his beer.

“Jesus, that’s corny,” you huffed. “You won because you scored like every goal.”

“Wait, was that…did you just praise me?” He mocked, clearly amused.

“Don’t get used to it,” you smirked. He moved his hand to the side of your face, brushing your hair away from your eyes. He trailed his fingers down your jawline; his touch sent goosebumps shooting across every inch of your skin.

“Wanna dance?”

“Logan dances?” You said, raising an eyebrow. You looked to your left where there were bodies upon bodies of grinding coeds.

“Only with pretty girls. But yeah, I do.” He folded his arms, thinking pouting was going to work on you. “Just one dance, please?” You sighed, your resolve weakening, but your attitude never missing a beat. He smiled from ear to ear as he grabbed your hand and led you out to the dance floor.

Logan twirled you around in front of him, his strong hand wrapping around your waist and pulling you in close to his chest. You raised your hands and buried you fingers in his thick, dark hair. His lips parted slightly, perfectly shaped and raspberry stained. Your bodies moved as one, so in sync you had no perception of how time was moving. You got bolder and bolder with your movements, matching the eagerness you felt building in his hips. He moved his lips down so they danced against your ear.

“I need to kiss ya, Y/N. I have to.”

“Then fucking do it,” you whispered back. He looked you straight in the eye, taken back by your choice of words, and smirked. His long fingers darted up to the nape of your neck and tangled into the roots of your hair before fastening his lips to yours. Your stomach dropped, all the tension in your body leaving at once. It was hungrier than the first kiss you shared, his want for you evident in how forcefully he moved his lips against yours. He broke away for a moment, resting his forehead on yours.

“Fuck. If we don’t stop, I’m going to try and fuck you right here,” he breathed.

#logan #westworld #westworld fanfic #westworld au #au logan #ben barnes #logan x reader #partners #masterlist #logan fanfic

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canaryatlaw · 6 years

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alright, let’s get going here. the last 24 hours or so have been fairly odd, at least the first 12, because after I logged off last night and tried to fall asleep I found myself unable to do so. Usually when something like this happens it’s because I forgot to take some of the meds I need to fall asleep, but I knew I had taken them because I had specifically checked to make sure I had them before taking them that night. so I really don’t know what that was about, but I ended up being up to at least 5 am, that was the last time I checked the clock anyway. I did go on my phone at some points at ended up in a pinterest spiral of looking at different candy recipes, so I now have like 6 different types of candies I want to make right now (like, twix, homemade jolly ranchers, and homemade pop rocks to name a few) so that was slightly good at least. eventually I did fall asleep, and woke up to my 1:30 pm alarm. My original plan for today was to get up at 11 and go vote in the Chicago Mayor’s election today before I had the webinar from the Time’s Up Legal Defense Fund at 2. Since it took me forever to go to sleep I decided to switch it up and vote afterwards, so I woke up in time to get set up for the webinar. It was pretty interesting, about the intersection of disabilities and sexual harassment law, definitely a lot to learn there, this was part 1 so part 2 will be next week. I was also looking at recipes while it was going on (because I like to multitask) and made a short grocery list for the candy recipes. So when the webinar was over at 3:30 I got changed into actual clothes and ran out to go vote. Luckily for me my voting location is literally just across the street from me, and at this time of day it was virtually abandoned, like two other voters in there, so it took me very little time to get set up and into voting. There was a total of 14 candidates running for Mayor (none of which are actually aligned with political parties, they’re all just running on their own platform) which is a tad insane, and there’s been smear ads running on tv for months now about it, along with incessant text messages from different campaigns that are annoying AF. but my decision was based on the fact that there was precisely one candidate who had mentioned juvenile justice reform in any of the ads I saw from anyone, so I voted for her (the fact that she was a WOC and not a white man was also a big plus). So I got out of there in less than 10 minutes total, and walked down the street to the grocery store to get eggs and some random ingredients I needed. They didn’t end up having everything I wanted (I mean, to be fair your typical grocery store probably isn't going to carry non-fat dry milk powder, but I tried) but I got gelatin and heavy cream (for the caramel) and some extra fine sugar (which is not the same thing as powdered sugar) and a few other random things. They only had the jumbo pack of gelatin left that came with 32 packets and was a whopping $15, but given that they didn’t have several other things I wanted I just said fuck it and got it anyway. I’m sure I’ll put it to good use. Checked out and headed home, when I walked in the door kitty was trying to examine the door crack (like where the hinges are) that comes open when the door opens, and when I went to close it I heard a very pained screech, at which point I saw that she’d managed to get one of her paws stuck in the crack, so I had to reopen the door to let her get it out, then of course she darted away and was freaking out and I was just like !!! baby!!! Just let me make sure you’re okay!!! so I chased her down after a few minutes and picked her up, thankfully there was no visible injury on her paws so that was comforting at least. Like ya really gotta scare me like that kitty??? smh. Anyway. I put the groceries away and then started to get set up for the podcast episode we were going to record tonight after having to postpone it from last night. so we did that, I won’t spoil anything but it’s about 30 minutes long and we talk about the casting news as well as some of Batwoman’s appearances in the comics, and overall I think it went pretty well, so I’m pleased that should be coming out soon. After we finished with that I turned on the tv and went to amazon prime where I decided to start their new show “Lorena” that all the true crime groups I’m in on fb have been raving about for weeks now. In case you’re not familiar, it follows the story of Lorena Bobbit, who made international headlines after cutting her husband’s penis off (and not gonna lie, I was a bit of a giggling mess throughout the first episode). But it gets a lot more into how much she was abused and raped by him and just how much of a disgusting shitty person he was, so it’s really interesting. Just before 8 I switched over to actual cable to watch The Gifted season finale. I wasn’t sure how they were going to wrap everything up in one episode, but they actually did a fairly good job with it I’d say. Major spoilers ahead, **YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED** Reed :( god that was so heartbreaking, I was dead. But it was such a self-sacrificial thing he did for the safety of his family and the world at large by taking down Reeva. On the other hand, I was very glad to see Clarice return and not be dead, because I very much like her as a character and was saddened at her apparent death. And yeah, it was a really solid episode that I liked a lot, I like cried at the end when they showed Lorna and Marcos with their baby, like all the tears honestly lol. So I liked that a lot. After that was over I kept the news on because they were talking about the election results coming in. So the deal was in order to win, a candidate had to get more than 50% of the vote, and if nobody got that high, the top two would be in a run-off election at the beginning of April. Now, with 14 candidates, the chances anyone was gonna reach 50% were pretty damn slim. I was happy to see though that the candidate I voted for was in second place and ultimately remained there and got a spot in the run-off election with like 15% of the vote, and the candidate in the lead with 17% of the vote was also a WOC who also happens to be an out lesbian, so that’s pretty awesome. I’ll have to do more thorough research on both of them before the run-off election. So basically I kept that on for the rest of the night and followed it until I decided to get ready for bed, then procrastinated, and now I am here. Amazingly (probably only because I took my meds) I am getting sleepy now, so I’m going to at least attempt to fall asleep, hopefully I’ll have (much) more success than last night, wish me luck. Goodnight dears. Hope you’re having a great week.

#daily journal #February 2019 #Rachel's podcasting adventures

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canaryatlaw · 7 years

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Okay, so today was good! I think I got up around 12 or so, mostly because nobody woke me up earlier lol and my phone was out of reach so I couldn't really tell what time it was if I drifted awake. But we chilled at the house for a bit and got pizza for lunch and just did our thing before getting ready to leave for the graduation ceremony at 3, see earlier posted picture of me in a romper that I'm now totally obsessed with because how did I not know that rompers are amazing??? I need all of them, now. So we all got ready and took some pictures outside the house with my cousin in her graduation robe and hat before heading off to the graduation. It was being hosted at the state college campus nearby that my aunt actually graduated from several years back, since I guess they couldn't fit everybody at the school (lol, that was not a problem at my high school graduation and my class of 49). So by the time we got there since it was a bit of a drive it was like 4, and it was being hosted in their big sports arena with all the audience being in the stands surrounding the floor, so we ended up sitting stage left right by where the stage was, which was good because my cousin ended up being seated right near the edge of house right so we could see her very easily. So then we waited as the rest of it filled up with a lot of people, and I spent most of the time on Twitter because the group chat I'm in on there was BLOWING UP with drama about like ten different things and it was all sorts of craziness that I was to varying degrees trying to either calm down, stay out of, or investigate lol. It was intense, to say the least. Just people (or person) acting stupid and stirring up drama for no reason, and then some others just responding unkindly to tweets of a certain celebrity we all like. But anyway. The service started and it was nice, not too long, nobody spoke for more than like 10 minutes or so and it got passed between a few people before they did the passing out diplomas. There were about 280 kids in her class so I'd say reading the names probably took about 20 minutes, which wasn't bad (my stupid college had one giant ceremony for everyone in all of the schools, grad and undergrad, and they were reading names for a solid hour and a half, it was torture and we were outside and it was HOT). But yeah, pretty soon after that it was done! We met my cousin outside and took a few more pictures before heading off to the Italian restaurant where they had a reservation. North Carolina has a lot of New York transplants, which means they also have some decent Italian food haha and this place was by all means quite good. I ended up getting gnocchi and wild boar ragu, which was a bit of an untraditional choice for me but I was trying to expand my picks a bit and it was really good! The gnocchi were like, really big so they got kind of plain, but the sauce was amazing and I almost finished it all lol. My cousin and I split a cannoli for dessert, which was really them bringing us 3 mini cannolis, which we each ate 1 of and then were too full to eat the last one so it got passed off to somebody else lol. At one point during the dinner the table next to us was being particularly loud, just like talking unnecessarily loudly for no specific reason, and my aunt, who was probably a little tipsy at this point, started also talking very loudly and kind of making fun of them and what they were saying and ohmygoodness I lost it and I just couldn't stop laughing haha it was so great. She has a very different personality than my mom, where my mom is very quiet and reserved my aunt tends to be much more blunt and somewhat confrontational, and there have been times where I've definitely wished my mom was more like that and would just tell a certain person off when we were in an uncomfortable situation haha but I love my mom the way she is and I can appreciate her trying to remain polite and kind even when the other person probably deserves to get told off (I'd like to think that I'm a little more willing to do so should the situation call for it). But anyway. After we finished up there we headed back to the house, and although it wasn't that late quite yet everyone was pretty tired so not much was going on. I pulled out my laptop to try to order my dad these personalized cufflinks to go with the personalized tie clip my brother is getting him for Father's Day/his birthday next week (his birthday is literally the day after Father's Day, so that's convenient, and my mom's is the same way with Mother's Day, so I always say it's like they were born to be parents lol) but the website was not working very well (I blame the crappy wifi connection since we're kind of in the middle of nowhere) so it took several attempts to make it work but I got it through. Meanwhile we started a game of uno with a bunch of us, and I happen to be rather good at such games, even when there is a fair amount of luck involved I happen to just somehow win them very often haha and tonight was no different, I was the only person who got to uno and I said it 3 different times before finally going out on a wild card. My uncle insisted he was holding back because he had several wild draw 4's he could've used at different points, but I told him that was a strategic error on his part for not using them when he was picking up tons and tons of cards instead 😂 I very much enjoy teasing my adult relatives, especially when my brothers aren't around to be obnoxious to everyone. After that I chilled out on my computer for a little while longer talking to some friends and reading a single chapter of fanfic update because I love this story and couldn't wait to read it, while everyone else had pretty much already went to bed, so I eventually did so as well, after taking a quick shower, and so here we are. But yeah, good day all around. I am enjoying being with my extended family, as I don't get to see them too much. A lot of my memories from my childhood of family vacations with all my cousins on my mom's side (I don't have any on my dad's side, but with my mom's we have her brother and sister's kids) are unhappy because I fall right in between the two age groups of the rest of my cousins, so there was never anyone my age and I always wanted to be with the older kids but they never included me in anything and it just led to a lot of me winding up running back to whatever room I was staying in and crying. This hasn't been the case for some time of course now that we're all older (this cousin who graduated is the youngest of our generation besides my little sister) but I vividly remember those times so I very much appreciate making happy memories with them instead, even if it's just with the adult-adults at this point (and my two cousins who do live here). Tomorrow is her graduation party, so that should also be fun, and yeah that's about it, it's 1 am so I'm going to attempt to go to sleep now. Goodnight dear ones. Have a lovely weekend.

#daily journal #June 2017

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