thinking thoughts about avoidant attachment steve (because try and tell me he isn't, with THOSE parents? get out) getting scared when he realizes he's in love with eddie because being in love is scary and hasn't gone well for him in the past. he's always been the one who loves harder, he's always been the one who puts others first, and never had someone do the same for him. now that he and eddie feel like they're on equal footing, he's fucking terrified of having that ripped out from under him. so, subconsciously he starts pulling away because when he's gonna get hurt he might as well be prepared for it, try and at least put up some walls so that when eddie breaks his heart he won't just be standing there obviously crushed like, y'know, the last time.
cut to eddie thinking he's done something terribly wrong because his previously sweet and warm and cuddly bordering on clingy steve is suddenly being so quiet and so distant, not really initiating any of the touches he usually does. he's not pulling away but he's definitely not doing that (annoying, but insufferably adorable) thing where he pointedly removes eddie's guitar from his lap to sit there himself and demand attention anymore. and yeah, eddie would always roll his eyes and sigh loudly at first, but he loves giving steve his undivided attention. he misses those moments already and it's only been like this for a week.
so, he confronts him about it. he tries to do so carefully, because he doesn't know what he did wrong and he thinks maybe it should be obvious or whatever. he's preparing for an, "are you serious, i really have to tell you?" but maybe he's a bit too vague about it because steve just looks like a deer caught in headlights for a second before his face goes cold, blank.
and steve's thinking this is it, this is eddie about to rip off the bandaid, and he's obviously trying to go about it gently and there's a tilt to his eyebrows that says he feels bad about it, so steve might as well just go and do it for him, y'know? says it's fine, he'll leave if eddie wants him to, and he's got his hand on the doorknob before eddie can say anything. completely misses the confused look on his face.
and eddie has to just about chase him out the door before he can reach his car because steve doesn't seem to be hearing when he's calling after him that what the fuck, no he doesn't want steve to leave, he's in– but he stops himself from saying that, because something is clearly upsetting steve and it's got to be his fault and now's not the fucking time. but he does manage to get his hand on the window of steve's car door before he can get in, hold it closed so that steve will finally look at him. so he can ask steve to please talk to him.
and you can imagine eddie's confusion and then shock when steve just starts mumbling (actually mumbling which is so out of place for him because he hates when others mumble to him, because he can't fucking hear) and he keeps cutting himself off mid-sentence and starting over and he won't look at eddie at all and this is all so out of character for steve, until eddie finally manages to piece together some of the abandoned sentence fragments into something that's starting to sound a lot like steve thinking eddie's going to get sick of him sooner or later, or sick of his bullshit (the look steve gets on his face on this word suggests there is more under the surface here, but again now is not the time) so eddie should just get it over with and that it's okay. but steve isn't looking like he actually thinks it's okay, in fact he's looking like he's trying so hard not to cry.
so, speechless for maybe the first time in his life, eddie just pulls steve into the tightest hug he can. hugs him until he stops his rambling, keeps hugging him until he feels steve's arms wrap loosely around his waist. only when he finds the words again does he pull back, doesn't even let go really, just moves one of his hands to steve's chin, makes him look at him.
"i'm not going to get tired of you, steve," he says, "i love you. i'm in love with you."
but steve doesn't look relieved or happy to hear it, not at first. no, he looks like he doesn't believe it, which is confirmed when he says, "don't say it if you don't mean it. i can't- i can't do that again."
and doesn't that just break eddie's heart into a bunch of little pieces, because here's possibly the best, most caring, bravest person he's ever met and yeah, maybe he acts a little bitchy sometimes but he's got a heart full of love for those around him. here he is, seeming utterly convinced that he's not going to receive that love in return. seeming like he's been shown time and time again he's never going to receive in return the level of love he puts out.
eddie's determined to show him otherwise, though, and he starts by repeating himself; in between soft, slow kisses at first (thankfully it's night time, and no nosy neighbors in sight) but the kisses get lighter and start to travel all over steve's face and by the time eddie's kissing the little space between his eyebrows, steve's smiling, he's actually kind of laughing. it's a nervous, i'm-not-convinced-this-is-real laugh, but it's there and eddie wants to hear more of that laugh and less of the sad, defeated mumbling he was doing earlier so he brings steve back inside where it's warm and he takes his time pressing kisses all over steve and telling him every single reason he loves him. he knows off the top of his head because he actually made a list of them all, he was trying to write a song about it, was planning on dropping the big L word with a grandiose gesture of flowers and candles and his acoustic guitar before steve started pulling away from him. oh well, he thinks he has some candles stashed away somewhere anyway.
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some thoughts about Steddie and blowing kisses
It started as all things do with them, as a joke. He doesn't know when it started but it did, as part of his routine when he leaves Robin he blows her a kiss. Just a touch of his fingers to his mouth and a wave of his hand. Nothing elaborate. And Robin's response is equally routine, pretends to grab it and stick it in her shirt pocket.
Everyone is used to it, nothing new, just part of their relationship. Eddie is hanging out at family video with them both when Steve goes to take his break outside, desperate for some fresh air after being stuck in the stuffy store. As he is heading out the door, he sends Robin a kiss, she puts up her hand to catch it and that's when the routine changes. Eddie vaults over a display table of tapes and mimes grabbing the kiss and eating it. He’s like a wild animal, snorting and snuffling crouched on the ground, looking up at Steve when he's finished with a deranged smile
'Thanks for that Stevie, I was starving.'
Both Robin and Steve are trying so desperately not to laugh but they can't help it, Steve stumbles out the front door with a 'what the fuck' coming out between the gasps for air and Robin is applauding Eddie from inside the store. Eddie obviously gives a dramatic and over the top bow.
Eddie is involved in the kiss routine from then on and the response is always a surprise. Steve has witnessed his air kisses being hit by an imaginary bat achieving a home run with Eddie doing a victory lap around the parking lot, being clutched out of the air and stuffed in Eddie's back pocket 'for later', caught in Eddie's hands and let out the window like an unwanted insect, inhaled in like a hoover, cowered against and fought like it was a life threatening dragon 'Sir Steve, Lady Buckley stay close! I will slay the beast!'
They escalate and escalate until one day Eddie is standing next to Steve when he blows the kiss. Steve anticipates his response, he'd be lying if he said he's now only really blowing these kisses to see what Eddie will do, see the smile it brings to the other boy's face and tries to push down the butterflies in his own stomach when Eddie sends a wink to Steve at the end of the performance. This time though? Eddie pretends to grab the kiss out of the air, places it to his cheek, with a blush creeping up from his neck and leans forward. He leans and lets his lips brush Steve's cheek in return. Steve is frozen solid, trying desperately not to let his legs buckle in surprise and feels Eddie smile as he whispers 'figured I better start returning these. think I've got a lot to make up for.'
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i might get some hate for this depending on where this post goes but i think lesboys are so valid and the discourse about them is so ridiculous. like you guys shouldn't have to deal with all that and it frustrates me that people throw hissy fits over an identity that literally does not affect them at all.
"but men cant be lesbians-" wrong. butch lesbians and trans men have a really closely connected history with each other that practically intersects and you should really do some research on that before you make blanket statements, not to mention that gender and sexuality is weird and wobbly and fluid and a very personal experience. it means a different thing to each person. being a man can be something completely different and saying stuff like this ignores people like demiboys, demigirls, genderfluid and genderflux people etc. these people will really preach "demolish the gender binary!! love is love!!" until someone's relationship with gender and sexuality is a little too freaky for them to handle and be challenged by lmaoo
"ohhh but what about the cishet men who say they're lesbians to prey on women-" YEAH WHAT ABOUT THEM????? THIS AIN'T ABOUT THEM BRO!!!!! this argument also REEKS of terfy "trans women are just predatory men!!!111!!1" rhetoric and it grosses me out. yeah some men are gross and do try to pull this but that does not negate someone's entire identity completely just because of a few bad actors, you know that right? actual black and white behaviour.
queer discourse is silly and i don't know why it's a thing. just let people exist. it isn't that hard. we have worse things to worry about than whether someone calls themselves a lesboy or not. i think we need to unplug our ears and yank our heads out of the sand and remember that the queer community is what it is because of our unique and amazing diversity. arguing over labels like school children isn't gonna help that. damn.
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*Relationships: Kongo Unsui/Hiruma Youichi/Anezaki Mamori
*Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Bisexual Awakenings, Emotional Repression, Polyamory, Canon-Typical Quarterback (And Manager) Mindgames, Dysfunctional Family, College is for figuring out you're not straight OR emotionally okay: the fic, …..Unsui deserves to date two people Agon struck out with simultaneously: the fic, It's not exactly hurt/comfort but, Hurt/Validation, isn't a tag
Summary:
“He seems to be threatening me,” says Unsui.
“Oh, yes, definitely,” says Kurita, scratching at his spherical stomach with a soft, doughy-looking arm that could easily lift Unsui’s entire body. “It’s just the way he does things! Because he just likes football so much.”
“Yes,” says Unsui. “I’ve noticed.”
*Full list at link
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