#anyway i've talked about this before but i'm too lazy to dig up the posts

[kradogsrats]

Can humans connect to all primal sources while elves can connect to only one?

Well, let's look at the combined evidence:

Callum has connected to two primal sources, and they've been kind of arbitrary. Like presumably if he'd started with a Sun primal stone, he would have first connected to the Sun, since him having that primal stone experience is a not really insignificant part of him connecting to the Sky primal. When he connects to the Ocean primal, it's explicit that he has been focusing on it for a while, but I don't remember him expressing why he chose Ocean over others. Basically, I don't think there's anything preventing a human from connecting to any individual primal source.

We have never been told that elves cannot connect to multiple primal sources, only that they are naturally connected to one, and humans are naturally connected to zero. We were told that humans cannot connect to even a single primal source, but that was factually incorrect both past and present.

However, we have seen exactly one character in any canon material who is connected to multiple primal sources, and that's Aaravos. Startouch elves are pretty clearly something... else, so he's not really a representative sample of "elves."

Actually, in canon material, there are also very few magical artifacts that combine magic from multiple primal sources, and no known multi-source spells.

After Callum connects to a second primal, Rayla's reaction is lighthearted joking. Granted, there's a lot going on at the time, and she's the last person who would doubt Callum's ability to do the impossible, but I would expect her to acknowledge if that was something that no elf primal mage has ever done before.

Pyrda, one of the suggested player characters from Tales of Xadia (who are heavily implied to all be "canon" characters), is a Skywing elf mage "eager to experience a wider variety of primal sources" and who "believes her destiny lies in preserving the balance of magic." This could mean that her goal is to connect to other primal sources and learn their magic, or it could just be to study them and see other mages use them (or maybe someday try them herself with a primal stone). On her starting character sheet, she only has access to Sky magic.

The Tales of Xadia rules explicitly state that only human characters can be dark mages and only elves can be primal/rune mages, when discussing the character vocation—which is part of the character's background, describing essentially their career focus (i.e. are they a cook, a guard, a sailor, a mage, etc.). However, it doesn't say anywhere that vocations can't be changed as part of the character growth process, since character growth can include adding new distinctions and vocations are a type of distinction. Additionally, the actual mechanics of magic are based on a combination of a magical specialty and spell assets—for example, Pyrda has a Sky magic specialty and a Sky magic spells asset with two spells specified. Specialties and assets are also things that can be added via character growth, and there's nothing anywhere that says you can't add a Sky magic specialty to your human or other elf character.

And the Tales of Xadia rules have to accommodate Callum, because he literally has his own character sheet in there as an NPC catalyst. His vocation is "aspiring rune mage" and he has a Sky magic specialty and a Sky magic spells asset. The Tales of Xadia rulebook is pinned between s3 and s4, timeline-wise, so that's Callum at the end of s3 (his spells asset includes Manus Pluma Volantus). If a game started at the beginning of s1 with Callum as a player character, I would expect that his character sheet would undergo a few key shifts at moments of magic-related character growth: gaining the Sky primal stone as an asset, losing the primal stone as an asset but gaining the "aspiring rune mage" vocation, gaining the Sky magic specialty and initial Sky magic spells asset (with Aspiro and Fulminis), and finally improving the Sky magic spells asset with the addition of Manus Pluma Volantus.

Personally, I take the ToX rules as more suggestions about canon than necessarily 100% accurate reflections of it, because designing balanced game mechanics is very different from general worldbuilding. Also, ToX is very much written in a "do whatever the hell you want" way, strongly encouraging storytellers and players to expand or ignore things at their discretion.

Anyway, my belief is that elves can connect to multiple primal sources, just as humans can, but it's extremely rare. Elves are born with a connection to a primal source that they innately understand, and it's much easier and more worthwhile to focus on strengthening that connection than trying to establish another. (I also think it's harder for elves to connect to a second primal source than it is for humans to connect to a first one.)

Like, ignoring the whole discussion of talent versus practice, say you're a natural athlete—you're just good at any sport you try. You could pick one and with a reasonable amount of effort be Olympic-level good. At the same time, you're a really bad artist. It's not something you ever focused on, and maybe you're not a very visual person to begin with. There's absolutely nothing stopping you from working incredibly hard on being an artist, and you'd probably be able to get as good or better than someone who naturally has the qualities that make them good at art—but you still may never catch up to someone who has those qualities and has put in the same amount of effort as you have. Same thing in reverse—a naturally gifted artist who's uncoordinated and not very physical can train to become an athlete, and can conceivably become a good athlete (maybe not Olympic-level, but good). It's just... not a lot of people do that, because we generally like doing things we're good at and that are easy more than doing things we're not good at and that are hard.

There also don't really seem to be a lot of scenarios where an elf would be pressured by their community to focus on another primal source (the way that a child here in real life might be pressured by their family to be good at sports or math rather than art, or vice versa depending on their family makeup). We know... basically nothing about elf interbreeding, but it seems safe to assume that at least one parent would have a matching primal source connection with the child. Furthermore, most of the elf communities we've seen so far are very segregated, so you're just very unlikely to be part of one where you'd feel isolated because of your primal connection and pressured to pursue another. If you're a Moonshadow elf surrounded by other Moonshadow elves, and all the Moonshadow elf mages you know are Moon mages, and you're good at Moon magic because you have a Moon primal connection yourself... it just takes a pretty rare person to decide they want to be something completely different and put in the effort to actually make it happen.

I mean, heck, part of the reason Callum pursued his Sky primal connection so much was that he had experienced Sky magic and was good at it in a way that he didn't feel good about other activities. He could have stuck with his sword training and probably eventually gotten good at it (if he genuinely put in the effort rather than half-assing it because he's bad at it and hates it), but he didn't.

So basically I would say that yes, elves can connect to multiple primal sources, but it's a) hard, b) has few role models or societal pressures that encourage doing it, and c) most people just don't put that kind of effort into shit without quitting, whether because they're discouraged or because they have to do other things to survive.

[willalove75]

The Estate | Lady Dimitrescu x Fem!oc Chapter 5

Summary: You have a relaxing weekend with your daughter before your first full week of work begins - and it begins with a surprise visitor and a spontaneous conversation with your new boss.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI

Tags: fluff, angst if you squint, plot development

I'll add more tags as needed!

Notes: Chapter 5! In reference to the gif: if you know. You know. BECSPK gang 4 lyfeee💕 (Although my go-to is egg whites and bacon on a seedless🤤)

I want to SO apologize for not updating this fic in MONTHS! For those of you who haven't seen my Alcina's New Maid update (or my Tumblr post update) the reason for my lack of writing has been because I'm pregnant! I'm officially 20 weeks (halfway! WOO!) and have been trying to get myself back into a regular writing schedule. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the update!

Ik slow burns can be boring and I'm trying my hardest to keep it entertaining while also not rushing too much!! I have a LOT planned for this fic and I'm excited to get into the meat and potatoes of it!

Gif source

Saturday mornings are your favorite. They're usually relatively quiet, not a lot goes on and you get to spend some lazy quality time with Emma. Just as you're clipping her into her booster seat your phone dings with a text message.

Open the door, bitch

Rolling your eyes, you walk to the door and open it to find your sister, Sam, standing in front of you with a brown paper bag in her hands.

"Finally!" She says as she walks into the apartment.

"How long were you standing out there for? Thirty seconds?"

"Thirty seconds too long!" She says over her shoulder as she drops the bag onto the table and leans down to kiss Emma. "Hello my sweet little angel, how are you this morning?"

"Auntie! I'm hungry!"

"You didn't eat yet, did you?" She asks you as she opens the paper bag.

The smell of bacon immediately fills the kitchen and it makes your mouth water. The signature scent of an egg sandwich causes your stomach to growl in response.

"No, I was just about to make Emma something. Fuck that smells so good." You say under your breath. "Where are the kids?"

"Good, I got you a sandwich. And Tyler has them today. It's his weekend." Sam says.

"Ah, gotcha."

Sam hands you a sandwich from the bag and you eagerly take it from her.

"I don't think I've ever loved you more in my life."

"Ha ha" Sam sarcastically laughs. "Yeah I'm sure."

After whipping up Emma eggs of her own you sit at the table with Sam and dig into your sandwich.

"God I haven't had one of these in a minute."

"Consider this a 'congratulations on getting a job' gift." She says and you laugh in response. "How was it?"

"It was good, I keep saying this but it's really great to be back working and doing my thing. I missed it."

"Well I'm glad you're enjoying it so far. How are the people?"

"They're good, my boss is really nice, her kids for the most part are nice too. The CFO is kind of an ass, at least that's how he comes off."

"That sounds about right. Your boss' kids work there?"

"Yeah." You tell her about Bela, Cassandra and Daniela and she chuckles at Cassandra's attitude towards you.

"She sounds like a ray of sunshine." Sam says.

"You have no idea."

"Mommy! I want out!" Emma says.

"Okay baby, let's get you out."

You take Emma out of her booster seat and set her on the ground.

"Can I go play?"

"Yes baby, go ahead."

"YAY!" Emma screams as she runs into her room. You chuckle and shake your head at her.

"Well I'm glad you're liking it so far and that your boss is pretty cool. Have you told her about...?"

"No, not yet. It's too soon."

"She hasn't questioned why you've been out of work for two years?"

"Oh no, she has. But I danced around it. I'm not ready to talk about it in the office yet. It's nice not having people look at me the way they do once they find out, you know?"

"Not really, but I can understand. Is she at least understanding that you're a single mom?"

"Well, she just found that out yesterday, on accident really. Bela asked if Em was a mommy or daddy's girl."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. But I think I played it off well enough. And Bela definitely felt bad for asking because she blurted out that Alcina is a single mother too."

"Oh shit, really?"

"Yeah. Alcina shot her a look. A 'don't tell people about our personal lives' kind of look. Then before I left for the day she thanked me for being so kind to her daughters, especially the youngest one. It was really sweet."

"From what you've said she doesn't seem like the type to get sentimental with her employees like that."

"She isn't. I honestly don't know if she's ever showed anyone else in the office that side of her before. Everything is always strictly business with her, at least from what I've seen so far. But it was nice seeing that softer side of her."

"What does she look like?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm nosey and want to know!"

"I don't know, she's tall, like six feet tall and she wears heels."

"Holy shit she must be a giant."

"She is. She has short curly hair, really pretty blue-grey eyes. I've never seen eyes like hers before, they're beautiful. And she has the best figure I've ever seen, it's almost fake but you know it isn't."

"How so?"

"She has like, massive tits." You say as you imitate the size of her breasts with your hands. "And a small waist, but not like, too small? Nothing about this woman is small honestly. She has a like, perfect hour glass figure. But you can tell it's all natural. And she dresses like she walked out of the 1950s."

"Sounds like you've looked her over on more than one occasion." Sam says as she smirks at you.

"You would too if you saw her! Practically everyone does. She gives off this crazy alpha energy."

"You're single, right?"

"Oh god Sam stop. She's my boss!" You say as your cheeks turn pink.

"That hasn't stopped people before!"

"You're ridiculous. No."

"You're turning red!"

"I've been there three days! I can't have a crush on my boss! Plus, just because she's a single parent doesn't mean she isn't seeing anyone. And I doubt she's into women and she's. My. Boss."

"Whatever you say." Sam says with a smirk as she cleans up the table.

"You are a pain in my ass."

"Yet you love me anyway. So how's sassy pants downstairs?"

"Margie? She's fine, same as usual. She finally gave up driving, thank god."

"Oh fucking finally. Deb's been trying to convince her mother to stop driving for years. What made her finally give in?"

"Well, a few months ago she ran into the garage door."

"Oh Jesus."

"So she bargained. She said she would stop driving if she could start smoking again."

Sam laughs out loud and shakes her head. "She is stubborn as fuck."

"The most stubborn woman I know."

Sam hangs out with you and Emma for a few more hours before heading out. Around one in the afternoon you put Emma down for a nap and you decide to jump in the shower. After your shower you get dressed and clean the house a little. Emma only naps for an hour and a half before you go in and wake her up.

The weather is finally warming up so you decide it's the perfect day to head to the park nearby. Emma squeals with excitement when you pull up and you can barely keep up with her as she runs to the slide. There's a few other kids at the park with their parents watching close by. You keep an eye on Emma as she goes up and down the slide a few times before growing bored of it and moving to play on the jungle gym.

Kids and their parents come and go as you sit on the bench watching your daughter. Dinner time is slowly arriving so you tell Emma she can go on the slide three more times before it's time to go home. After the third time she puts up a little bit of a fight but the moment you suggest going and getting dinner from her favorite place, she's more than eager to leave.

After pulling into the parking lot you and Emma enter the 1950's-style diner. The hostess seats the two of you and when your waitress comes you place your order. Not long after the food comes out and you start on your sandwich as Emma munches on her chicken fingers. Emma squeals with excitement when you tell her that she's allowed to get an ice cream and she happily orders a vanilla sundae, you of course also order one for yourself.

As usual, Emma is wearing her ice cream by the time she's finished with it but truthfully, you couldn't care less. After getting the check and paying at the register you and Emma head home.

Once Emma is bathed and dressed in her pajamas, the two of you pick out a book, as you do every night, and you read her the story as she falls asleep.

The rest of the weekend flies by and before you know it, Monday is back again. After dropping Emma off at your in-laws house you make your way to the estate.

Walking inside you see Cassandra and one of the other bartenders prepping the bar for the day. You wave at them, Cassandra as per usual ignores you but the other bartender, Dave, waves at you with a smile and a pleasant "good morning!"

Rounding the corner towards the offices you spot Chris and Alcina talking in the hallway. Alcina is leaning up against the wall inspecting her fresh manicure, looking like she couldn't be more uninterested in whatever Chris was talking about if she tried.

When the sound of your shoes against the floor reaches her ears her eyes flick up towards you. A bright smile stretches across her lips and she pushes herself off of the wall and steps towards you.

Chris stops speaking mid-sentence and gives Alcina a look. She returns the look and says to him "I already told you you can go ahead with the project, I don't need you to continue to bore me with details that are irrelevant." before turning away.

"Good morning." You say.

"Good morning Kathleen. How was your weekend?"

"It was good, quiet but relaxing. How was yours?"

"Excellent. My weekend was busy, as usual, but pleasant."

Just as you go to speak you're interrupted by the sound of a door being slammed open in the tasting room. A second later a voice rings through the tasting room and down the hall.

"DELIVERY FOR HER HIGHNESS!"

Alcina's head snaps in the direction of the room, her eyes narrow and you hear a low growl rumble in her chest.

"If you'll excuse me." She says through gritted teeth. You notice a vein in her neck begin to pulse and she storms towards the noise.

"Oh this will be good." Chris says with a little excitement in his voice.

"What? What was that?"

"You're gonna want to see this." He says with a smile as he walks in the direction Alcina took off in. You drop your bag at your desk and head towards the direction Chris and Alcina went off to.

Alcina opens the doors to the tasting room and her vision turns red. Waltzing into the room is her brother, Karl, making his way towards the bar.

"Cassie, hook your uncle up will ya?" He says, taking a seat.

"Heisenberg." Alcina hisses.

"Ah, there she is!" He says as he puts his feet up on the bar.

Alcina smacks his feet off and glares down at him.

"Do you not have any manners?" She says as her eyes flash with rage.

"What? I'd think you'd be more appreciative that I worked so hard to finish whatever the hell it was you asked me to make."

You walk into the tasting room behind Chris and watch as Alcina stands next to a slightly disheveled man. He's wearing a stained t-shirt with baggy pants and boots. A hat, sunglasses, and a trench coat.

He goes to grab the drink that was set in front of him, ignoring the fact that Alcina is practically shaking with anger. He takes a long sip of the beer he was given and pulls out a cigar, sticking it between his chapped lips. As he goes to grab a lighter from his pocket, Alcina snatches the cigar from his mouth and breaks it in half, dumping it onto the counter in front of him.

"The fuck was that for?!"

"You cannot smoke in here!"

"You're such a fucking buzzkill." He mutters, rolling his eyes and taking another drink from the bottle. "Cassie I don't know how the fuck you put up with this shit every goddamn day."

Cassandra snickers and Alcina shoots daggers at her. Rolling her eyes at her mother, Cassandra turns around and continues putting away the glasses.

Karl finishes off his beer and lets out an obnoxiously loud burp. Alcina scrunches her face in disgust and wafts the air between them away from her.

"You are a truly vile human being." She says.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry I don't meet your standards, princess." He replies. "Hey Cass, get me another round will ya?" He says, slapping his hand down on the bar.

"Absolutely not." Alcina says. "I will not have you come in here, make a scene, drink all of our imported beers and pay not as much as a dime for them. Up! Go," she says, shooing him away from the bar. "get the table and get the hell out of my establishment!"

"Someone's in a great fuckin' mood this morning. What happened, woke up on the wrong side of your coffin?"

"Karl you are testing the very little patience I have left." She says through her teeth.

"Hah! You? Having patience? I didn't know you were a comedian."

Alcina squeezes her eyes shut and rubs at her temples as Karl gets up and starts to head towards the door. As he turns around he sees you and Chris standing near the door leading to the offices.

"Ho shit! If it ain't the fancy CFO himself!" Karl belts across the tasting room before meeting Chris halfway. "Howya doin' ya son of a bitch?" He says, shaking his hand.

"Karl my man!" Chris says. "I've been good, keepin' busy. How about yourself?"

"Hope slenderwoman hasn't been too rough on ya!" He says before laughing too loud, earning another eye roll from Alcina. "And not bad, not bad. Your boss here commissioned some kind of table from me so I'm just droppin' it off. Nice excuse to ruffle a few feathers too if you know what I mean." He says, nudging Chris in the ribs and laughing. "And who is this little lady here?" He says, looking over at you.

Not a second later you hear Alcina's heels stomping in your direction, looking up you see her eyes narrowed at the back of his head.

"I'm Katie, the new marketing and social media strategist."

"Karl Heisenberg," he says, taking your hand in his. "the pleasure is all mine." He gives you a small bow before kissing the back of your hand and letting it go.

The action took you by surprise a bit and you swore you saw steam come out of Alcina's ears as she walks up behind him. Karl lets your hand go and Alcina grabs him by the back of his jacket and begins to pull him away.

"Will you keep your filthy hands off of my staff? God only knows when the last time you washed them!" She hisses before whipping him around and pushing him towards the door. "Go!"

"What?! Is this how you treat family here?! What kind of establishment is this?!"

"One I will have you removed from if you don't get that table this instant!"

"Alright, alright! Don't get your panties in a twist. I'm going, I'm going!"

Alcina lets out a huff and brings her fingers to pinch the bridge of her nose. After gathering herself she turns back towards you and Chris and makes her way over.

"I do apologize for my little brother, he is quite feral."

"Ah come on Alci, he isn't so bad!" Chris says and Alcina shoots him a glare.

"I told you, do not call me that. And that man is insufferable at best." She turns towards you. "I do apologize for his behavior."

"Don't worry about it, really, it's okay." You say with a smile.

The doors open once more and you can hear Karl barking orders to the guys lugging the table in. Alcina physically cringes as they bang into the doorframe while trying to get it inside.

"Ay! Watch it! That table is worth more than what you get paid in a month!" Karl yells.

"If you will excuse me." Alcina says before making her way over to the men and directs them where to go.

Both you and Chris take that as your cue to leave so the two of you head back to your offices.

"Told ya you'd wanna see that." He says with a satisfied smirk.

"See what? Ms. Dimitrescu and her brother?"

"Yeah! I've never seen anyone else be able to get her riled up so easily. Just his presence is enough to make the woman lose her shit."

"I guess." You say

It aggravated you a little seeing Chris find so much enjoyment from watching Alcina get frustrated and riled up. If anything, you felt bad for the woman. Luckily you and your sister got along great but it would probably piss you off too if you had a sibling that was to blatantly rude and dismissive in your place of work. If anything it's probably as embarrassing as it is annoying.

The rest of the walk back to your office was quiet, much to your surprise Chris seemed to get the hint that you weren't in the mood to revel in Alcina's misery and didn't say anything else. When you sat down at your desk you finally able to get started on today's work.

A few minutes later you hear heels on the tiled floor and see Alcina walk past your office. She looked less than thrilled for the couple of seconds you were able to see her. The door to her office opens and a minute later you hear it close and she walks past you again. Thinking nothing of it, you dive back into answering emails.

Once your inbox was taken care of you go to check your to-do list to see what you needed to prioritize for the day. Digging through your bag you realize you must have left your notebook in the car so you grab your keys and head out the side door towards the parking lot.

As you open the door the smell of fresh air quickly changes into the smell of cigarette smoke. Looking over, you see Alcina leaning up against the brick wall with a cigarette perched between two fingers.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were out here." You say as you close the door behind you.

"No need to apologize. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I just left my notebook in my car." You reply.

Alcina brings the cigarette to her perfectly painted red lips and takes a long drag before pulling it away. She turns her head away from you and exhales the smoke. Usually you found smoking to be unattractive but somehow every single thing this woman does is attractive as hell. You'd put money on the fact that she could shovel a pile of shit and still look good while doing it.

You make your way to your car and find your notebook on the floor of the passenger side. Walking back over to Alcina you notice her eyes are still on you.

"I didn't know you smoked." You say as you walk up to her and immediately wish you kept your mouth shut. Why would you say that? What a stupid thing to say.

Alcina chuckles as she takes another drag before exhaling again.

"Yes, it's truly a disgusting habit I've yet to break. I had been doing well, however, my brother certainly knows how to get under my skin."

"I get that, siblings definitely know how to rile each other up."

"He is a man-child. A petulant fool." She grumbles.

As you chuckle a van drives by and slows down. In the drivers seat you see Karl. He blares on his horn a few times as he drives by, causing both you and Alcina to jump. Your hands fly up to your ears and Alcina visibly winces at the noise.

"Nenorocitul acela." Alcina grumbles under her breath as she sticks her pinky in her ear. (That fucking moron).

She takes another drag from her cigarette and looks over at you.

"You said your daughter is starting daycare this week?"

Her question took you by surprise for a second, you definitely weren't expecting Alcina to remember that from the conversation you had last week.

"Yes! She starts tomorrow." You say with a smile that doesn't reach your eyes. Truthfully, you were excited that Emma was going to spend time with other children her age and be able to socialize more, but the thought of sending her to daycare also gave you a lot of anxiety.

Alcina notices your apprehension even though you hide it well in your voice. It brought her back to when the girls were little and she sent them off to daycare for the first time. Granted, it was more of a private school than daycare, but leaving the girls behind and going to work was still anxiety-inducing for her.

"Nervous?" She asks before taking another drag of her cigarette.

Knowing Alcina was asking about you, you decide to divert your answer.

"Oh Emma is really excited. She wasn't sure at first but as soon as she saw all of the toys they had she was thrilled. She was very upset that she wasn't able to stay the day we did the tour."

"I was asking about you." She said with a smile.

"Oh."

"I remember when I dropped the girls off at daycare for the first time. I think I cried more than they did." She says with a chuckle. You notice a faraway look in her eye as she thinks back on the memory.

Alcina walked down the large, ornate hallway with Cassandra's tiny had in hers. In Cassandra's other hand, Bela clung tightly to her. When they arrived to the classroom the girls' daycare teacher greeted them at the door.

"Good morning! You two must be Cassandra and Bela." She says with a warm smile.

Bela and Cassandra clung to each other tighter, staring between Alcina and their new teacher. Alcina bends down and runs her fingers through Cassandra's dark hair.

"Girls, do you remember your teacher? Ms. Jackson?"

Bela's blue eyes scan the room as she holds onto her sister.

"Eu vreau sa merg acasa." She says quietly as tears begin to fill her eyes. (I want to go home).

"It will only be for a little while, draga. I'll be back before you know it." Alcina says, turning both girls to face her. She wipes the tears from Bela's cheeks and shushes her. "Nu plânge, e în regulă draga mea." (Don't cry, it's alright my darling).

"Vreau să merg acasă, te rog." Bela says as her voice trembles. (I want to go home, please).

"How about you give it a try? I have to go to work, but then we will go back home and we can play with your toys." Alcina says.

"No!" Bela yells, taking Alcina by surprise. "Vreau să merg acasă la mami! O vreau pe mama mea!" She cries. (I want to go home to mommy! I want my mommy!).

Alcina can feel her heart breaking in her chest. Cassandra's eyes begin to fill with tears as she watches her big sister cry. Even though she's only a year younger than Bela, she still understands that so much has changed and that they're no longer with their mother.

"O vreau pe mama mea." Cassandra whimpers before she starts to cry as well. (I want my mommy).

Wrapping her arms around the two little girls, Alcina pulls them into her and they grab onto her shirt and jacket as they cry.

"Shh, shh. Nu plânge fetele mele dragi, nu plânge. Va fi bine, doar respira, totul va fi bine." She says softly as she rubs circles across their backs as she tries to soothe them. (Don't cry my sweet girls, don't cry. It's going to be alright, just breathe, everything is going to be alright).

Their small cries chip away at Alcina's already fragile heart. She squeezes her eyes shut, refusing to shed a tear, refusing to let the girls - or anyone else for that matter - see her cry.

After taking a few deep breaths, Alcina begins to quietly hum the girls' favorite lullaby. She may still be brand new to parenting, but the one thing she figured out that works was singing to the girls in their native language. It was one of the few things that have been able to calm them when they were upset or scared. Alcina's mother would sing it to her and her sister when they were young. One night when she was at her wits end, she began singing it for Bela and Cassandra and they immediately began to calm down. It's been her go-to ever since.

The girls finally stop crying and Alcina pulls away enough to look at the two of them. As heartbreaking as it was, she couldn't help but think of how cute they looked. Bela's blue eyes and Cassandra's hazel eyes always looked brighter after they cried. Even their flushed cheeks and runny noses made them look cute. Alcina cupped each of their faces and wiped away their tears before placing a kiss in the center of each of their foreheads.

The girls looked up at her and it was almost pitiful. So much of her wanted to just take them home but she had to go to work and she had to let them go. Taking both of their small hands into each of hers, she looked both girls in the eye.

"I know it's frightening, I know you girls are scared, but I am coming back. I promise, I will be back and we will all go home together, okay?" The both nodded at her as tears began to fill their eyes once more. "No more tears my darlings, alright? No more tears." She says as she wipes away the stray tears from their cheeks. "I need both of you to be brave? Okay? Bela, I need you to look after your sister, to be protect her, alright?" Bela looks at Cassandra and back at Alcina and nods. "Cassandra, I need you to look after your sister, to be brave for her, can you do that for me?" Cassandra wipes her nose and nods at Alcina.

She strokes their hair before pulling the girls back in for a tight hug.

"Vă iubesc, vă iubesc atât de mult fetelor. Mă întorc, promit dragilor mei. Mă voi întoarce după tine. Nu te voi lăsa." Alcina whispers to them before giving them one last squeeze and letting go. (I love you, I love you girls so much. I'm coming back, I promise my darlings. I'll come back for you. I will never leave you).

Alcina stands up and straightens out her shirt and jacket. She takes the girls hands in each of hers and guides them to their teacher. Ms. Jackson smiles down at the girls and points out all of the toys scattered around the room. Cassandra eyes a baby doll and another little girl picks it up. The girl sees Cassandra and walks over to her.

"Play?" The little girl asks.

Cassandra looks up at Alcina and Alcina smiles down at her.

"Go ahead darling, go play."

Cassandra hesitantly releases Alcina's hand and looks at Bela, reaching out towards her. Bela's grip on Alcina tightens and Alcina strokes her hair.

"It's alright love, go play with them."

Bela looks up at Alcina who nods. After contemplating for a moment, Bela takes Cassandra's hand and the three little girls make their way over to the rug and begin playing with the toys.

Alcina takes the opportunity while they are distracted to thank the teacher and leave before they see her again. With her heart still breaking in her chest, Alcina makes it to her car and starts the engine.

Before she can pull away, the floodgates open. She grips the steering wheel and rests her forehead against her hands as she cries. Different emotions bubble up, but the strongest one is anger.

She's angry that the girls were put through so much at such a young age. She's angry at how unfair the last few months have been for them. Angry at the situation she herself was put in.

Alcina slams her fist against the steering wheel before pulling herself together. She takes her makeup bag from her purse and fixes her makeup before taking one last deep breath and driving away.

You can see memories flash across Alcina's eyes, memories you know nothing about. But you can see the emotions in her eyes, worry, sadness, and anger. Alcina snaps out of it and takes another drag of her cigarette and exhales.

"It's certainly not easy," she says. "the first few times are the most difficult, but eventually they were so excited the girls didn't even say goodbye when they ran through the doors." She says with a laugh.

"I'm sure we'll get there, but like you said, the first few times are gonna be rough."

"I have no doubts that the two of you will do great." She says with a smile.

With one last drag of her cigarette, Alcina puts the butt into the cigarette receptacle.

"Shall we?" She asks, nodding towards the door.

"Oh! Yeah." You say sheepishly.

Alcina opens the door and holds it for you. "After you."

"Thank you." You say with a smile before the two of you head back in.

[solradguy]

Towards the anon talking abt the sin shipteasy stuff,, Yeaghh... Though it might be a translation error? for sin's line against elphelt's instakill. I heard that the original japanese version is something along the lines of "Goodbye childhood"? But I'm not sure, I don't know japanese...

To be honest... Xrd's English translations aren't generally wrong, per se, but the translation team added an "edginess" to a lot of the lines that isn't always there in the original Japanese. Sol's dialog got it really bad, as a quick example. I've complained about his dialog translations before, but the gist is that in Japanese he's usually just annoyed/grumpy, but in English he's often just straight up mean. Compare his official English translations in Strive to Xrd and you'll see what I'm on about. The Strive translations are more faithful.

Anyway, Sin's Magnum Wedding line is another example of this. I found transcriptions of all three possible lines he can say for it so I'll break them all down since I've got them, and I'll translate them more literally than the localization team did. This isn't always the way I translate lines because literal translations can be very clunky in English, I just want to try to get across the feel of the original JP lines.

Off.= Official Translation | SRG=SolRadGuy translation

グッバイ、オレの童心… Off.: "Farewell... virginity..." SRG: "Goodbye, my child-like innocence"

The first part here is just "goodbye" written out in katakana. Changing it to "farewell" was a good idea, it flows better. Then Sin uses the rough/casual masculine first person pronoun, "ore," for himself. This last word, 童心 ("doushin"), is where it gets weird. Doushin is like "naivete through being too young to know better." I wasn't able to find anything on JPDB, Jisho, or Weblio that suggested it is/can be used to mean "virginity" like how "innocence" in English can refer to knowledge of sexual things, but that doesn't necessarily mean no one ever uses it that way. That said, I think translating it as "virginity" bends the original meaning a little too far. The Japanese word for "virginity" is VERY close to doushin though, 童貞 ("doutei"). Note the first kanji being the same.

I think a better translation for this line could have been, "Farewell... naiveté..."

These next two lines are completely different in Japanese vs English and I'm too lazy to try to find a video with them to match them up so I'm making an educated guess.

外はサクサク、中はふんわり… Off.: "I feel like I'm floating on a cloud..." SRG: "Crispy on the outside, soft and fluffy inside..."

I understand why they completely changed this line in English because directly translated it's... Actually, even in Japanese I'm not sure what Sin is getting at haha. My translation above is really very literal; there isn't a whole lot to break down. "ふんわり" ("funwari") means like gently/airily/fluffily. It's one of those onomatopoeic Japanese words that is difficult to cram into English.

センチメンタル、バイオレンス…！ Off.: "I feel so... at peace..." SRG: "Sentimental, violence..!"

Sin's speaking English through Japanese in this line. It straight up just says "sentimental" and "violence" in katakana. Not sure why they changed this one in the official translation when it was already technically in English though. Maybe changing it to an idiom like "All's fair in love and war" or something could've worked? I dunno, I'm sure the team probably had their reasons for changing this one so much. Overworked, understaffed, deadlines looming... I get it.

As an additional note: Getting Japanese into English can be a royal pain in the ass. Sometimes it's straight up impossible to get a faithful translation in English and in that case the translator might as well just come up with something different that fits the "vibe" of the Japanese line instead. I don't want this post to come across as a dig towards the translation team. Despite the odd edgy embellishments here and there, the Xrd translation is pretty good. I'm also not a professional translator and have never gone to school for Japanese, so the translation team knows more than me anyway.

[damn-it-a-hogwarts-legacy-blog]

Omg thank you for answering my ask! 😭🩷

To be honest, as much as I don't want the notion that Ominis died alone in the 1920's (or worse, probably killed), I also have the morbid curiosity to actually know what happened to him; canon-compliant wise. I mean, I could understand why the developers said he died just before Tom Riddle was born. It was out of convenience for the actual HP plot, that Voldemort truly was the last Gaunt out there. I think that's lazy writing but what's worse than that is the fact that Ominis seems like a character that was made to "fill in the blanks" of other people's stories. And that hurt me more than anything.

I suppose this is the reason why I'm personally as invested in the whole Gaunt family line as you are. It's either I'm in denial that what we know about his fate is truly what it is, or there's definitely something more to this. I believe there is a reason why Ominis is blind in the whole HL lore. If Avalanche decides to continue this game into a franchise, it would be extremely wise on their part if they dig super deep into all the characters' background — especially Ominis' and Sebastian's. There's too much plot holes in this that I can't imagine the developers leaving unexplored.

As a lot of people say, having the Gaunt Manor scrapped in the storyline was a bad decision because Ominis' character is such a goldmine for all of us. Just my ramblings I'm so sorry for spamming you 😖

I'm extremely happy to talk to you about all of this—no need to apologize, thank you for the second ask!! 💚

Yeah, the fact that Ominis even exists surprises me, given how much thought they put into adhering to canon. They were so careful with so many details that I also simply can't accept something wild doesn't happen with this boy in one way or another. Unless I missed a social media post, I don't think the devs have ever explicitly said he dies before Tom Riddle and it's purely extrapolation based on book canon? I'm very bad at keeping up with social media tho so if an official source did explicitly say it somewhere please let me know haha.

He definitely feels like a character that was just made to fill in gaps for other characters for sure, but it makes me happy that, as an NPC, he's second only to Sebastian in terms of fandom popularity. But I can understand why it would hurt anyway. I've definitely felt that with other characters in other fandoms and it's not fun.

I'll be real, I have been participating in fandoms for a very long time and I have a strong track record of being head over heels for the characters that audiences aren't supposed to get attached to (villains, unpopular characters, narratively insignificant characters, characters who die... usually all of the above...). Eventually, I learned that canon could make me sad and dampen my enjoyment, which has happened a couple times until I actually left those fandoms because I was too sad, or I could just say "well nuts to that, I don't like this one thing, so I'm doing my own thing." I absolutely understand the need to hold onto that canon compliance tho, I certainly used to be in your position with this kind of thing. And if more focus on canon compliance is what makes you happy, absolutely go for it—we all need to approach the source material in the way that makes us happiest. Fandom should be about having fun, after all :)

For me, I enjoy the mental exercise of remaining as canon-compliant as possible while also filling in the gaps with whatever I want. Like oh, canon very clearly implies Ominis died in/before the 1920s? Well to that I say "everyone else in-universe merely thinks he died and he's actually living a very happy, quiet life in the countryside with his spouse and kids because it makes me happy" lol.

Thank you again for the ask! I love getting to yammer endlessly about stuff like this with others and I adore getting to hear others' perspectives on this stuff. My inbox is always open for convos like this 💚

[deadendtracks]

Did Tommy actually love Lizzie, did he mean it when he said he loves her "in this moment, in this room."? Why the need to tell her in this moment, in this room? Was it to just make her feel nice, a way to reward her for having to deal with all his mess and for taking care of his children? I see a lot of fans seem to think so. What is the deal with his feelings when it comes to Lizzie. I love a complex pair and I do enjoy their relationship but it is soooo complicated to the point I don't know what is going on anymore. Help.

I feel like I have posted about this before but I'm too lazy to search through my tags to find it.

@littlelonelysun posted something really great about that scene today. Please check it out!

What you believe about Tommy's feelings towards Lizzie are definitely subjective.

My interpretation is that he meant what he said. He loves her. I've also said before that I don't think what Tommy feels for Lizzie is romantic love; but romantic love is not the only kind of love there is, and I do not believe it outranks all other kinds of love in some kind of love hierarchy. And I don't think Tommy works that way either; for example, what he felt for Grace *was* romantic love, and he didn't run away with her in s1 and stayed in Birmingham out of love for his family. He put them first.

Why he says "in this moment, in this room" is up for interpretation, certainly. But I think Tommy loves Lizzie for who she is, not to make her feel nice or as a reward of any sort. Not in the slightest. I don't think Tommy works like that.

It's pretty clear in s6 that they have an affectionate and caring relationship, that they have a lot of understanding for one another and usually enjoy each other's company. Tommy trusts Lizzie as much as he trusts anyone; Lizzie interprets him as not trusting her with his secrets and his internal life, but he doesn't trust anyone with that. When she talks about him checking things off a list, etc, that's more to do with his flat affect due to trauma than it does anything personal about her. I've also written about this before, if you want to go looking.

There's a lot going on in Tommy's head, and in his psyche, during that scene, that might contribute to his weird stilted phrasing "in this moment, in this room." For one thing, I'm about 97% certain he was aware that Diana Mitford was going to proposition him the way she did, and that he was going to go through with it for his cause. He asks Lizzie in that scene if she wants to know what his next move is, and she says no. He also thinks he's dying.

Another interpretation might be that Tommy is often not very present in his own body and in his own emotions (he's dissociated a lot, he's preoccupied a lot) and he was trying to say that he was attempting to be fully present with her at that moment.

Anyway, I could ramble on a long time about the possibilities of what he meant there. Sorry to refer you to the task of digging up old meta but I have written a lot about Lizzie and Tommy and specifically their relationship in s6 and you can probably find it if you search my blog.

[eatsbop]

Tulio anger management post

It's like what Annie Wilkes said, he didn't get out of the cock-a-doodie car.

Peetee let me down and if anything, it's because he's lazy.

Maybe I'm not qualified to nitpick like wtf I ain't shit but you know, it just pisses me off like I've been holding this in, bro. I tried my best. I'm here for the hell of it but it's been pissing me off so bad for so long.

Anyway, idk where to even start.. but let's just talk about my major beef.

He didn't get out the cock-a-doodie car. In the last chapter rocketman was stuck in a car and it careened down a cliff.. but then next chapter they show us, rocketman is safe. He got out of the car after all.

Annie was right about that one thing, that ain't playing fair.

It's just fucking lazy writing, bro. Like sure, I'm glad my guy is fine. Han Wanguk gets squashed by the hydraulic press one chapter then NO he ACTUALLY didn't, fooled ya. Baek Seongjoon had given up the last of his ghost, NO actually he didn't. He's actually fueled by the power of love. What the fuck, Romeo.

Okay, sure. Let's say we can forgive the whole Wanguk thing. Things happened before Jenny left the cargo container. But can you explain what SJ's little office tantrum was for then? What about his 5 ep flashback? Okay, let's say the whole beating up and almost crippling a bunch of teenagers is his attempt to maintain his cover cause you know, he's still hoping his little jig to infiltrate Taesan's ranks hadn't completely collapsed just yet. What was he being so dramatic in his office for? Did Jenny install security cameras in SJ's control room to monitor him like a lab rat? Doubt it. Then later he showed us a panel of SJ calling his dad-in-law, "ooh don't get mad at yoo hobin uwuwu". What? What what. Make it make sense.

You know the whole bad-guy-actually-sweet-guy worked for Taehoon's case cause meowmeow had a build up. I don't know why Peetee's so keen on recycling ideas that he sold before. The only thing it does is make the entire meal bland and over chewed.

Seo Seongun goes feral. Cool, show-stopping, fresh, spicy.. but every other character going feral during fights too? Don't these mofos have any integrity. I only need one Sammy. That position is already taken. I'm good. Stop copy-pasting him over everyone, it makes Sammy look regular.

I don't understand why Peetee needs to do this except out of laziness. He could write characters like Olly and Jiho. Why would he cut corners when he could do better? I'm happy how he handled Jiho. He didn't turn op like everyone else. He just kept doing his little Jiho deeds as little evil Jiho within his little Jiho bounds.

Uuurghgg.. I'm so pissed.

Anyway. Must you really spell out the situation for Yoo Hobin. It's so fucking literal, it hurts my pride. Oooh he's the good guy, the protagonist. He does good things. He's the hero. Because SJ is actually a good guy and he's working for the common good because love.. wins. No, it didn't. That's fucking bullshit, my guy. Can't you dig more into Hobin's character? Say, what's wrong with falling victim to the consequences of your actions? Can't a dude struggle because he made bad life decisions? Might it not be homeboy burrowed himself too deep into this fucking mess with no way out and now he's trying to wriggle away and survive and.. and.. cause man.. the economy is just this bad. Making a living is so fucking complicated. Making a living while having a conscience is sheer fucking torture. I wish I can sell everyone out but nah, I'm better than that uwu I'm Yoo "The Man" Hobin.

But no it's just, Yoo Hobin is.. good guy. He is.. good guy and he do.. the good things. Because I'm too lazy to explore his character uwu.

(Can you fucking tell I'm sitting bored in a waiting room? Yes, I'm sitting bored in a waiting room. I don't have the energy for any of this but I am full of spite and I'm so fucking bored.)

As for the stuff regarding him being a bigot.. Okay, let me just say.. I never had any real hope or expectation for any form of media, series, title, whatever else in regards to things like representation and all that. I don't, I'm fed up. And Peetee is too fucking fan-servicey to be trusted. Like he gives us a dick shot and call it a day. I'm sick of all the marketing ploys and all the fucking rainbow filter slapped in every fucking logo every pride month.

Anyway, whatever. Didn't Yeonwoo's dad recognize SJ's lady as uh.. some politician's daughter? Like yea, let's all pretend you build that up, Peetee. Good job, man.

[aquanology]

SHE LI ANALYSIS CAUSE I CAN!!! (THANKS FOR 50+ FOLLOWERS AND NO THERE'S NOTHING MISSING IN HERE ITS 50+)

Yo so I've reached 50 followers a long while ago and I wanted to do something big but I hesitated and didn't know what to do...I thought a lot about it and it's here. The long awaited She li analysis, I was waiting for the new chapter so I can make this. Anyways I hope you enjoy it (or maybe not?)

So from far away people wo see She li as a Bully Mo and when they learn that his family posses good amounts of money, everyone would see him as a rich brat and I wouldn't blame them, Though that's not all there's to it. it's much deeper and yes I have 5000 IQ how did you know?

Now his childhood wasn't that great looking at how he was surrounded by maids and not his parents most of the time, mostly because they were busy working and when they weren't busy doing work they would be busy arguing about things that little She li didn't know much about.

It was pretty lonely even if people would surround him be it the maids, the other adults or even other kids he wasn't getting the attention of his parents. He might've thought that he wasn't important enough for his parents to spare a moment or two to spend time with him or atleast for his parents to look at his way. He hated their noisy fights and so, like any kid who didn't want to listen to his parent's loud arguments!that might've seemed like a broken record for him at the time, he would go outside to distracte himself. I don't know how many times he had to do this to ignore the pain that his parent's loud fighting has been causing to him, and I don't know how long he spent his time doing that (probably as long as the fighting continued) but I'm pretty sure that what we saw from She Li's flashback wasn't his first time doing so. And I'm sure he was trying to inflict physical pain so he can forgot the mental pain. At that point little She Li might've felt a bit...empty because no one really seemed to genuinely care for him or spend time with him and he didn't seem to have a special relationship with anyone either, he might've felt like he wasn't a human because of all of that.... he might've been sad and angry that he can't experience love and affection perhaps he thought that it's his fault for feeling down all the time, when in reality it was his parents fault for not using the spare time they have for providing She Li with affection and quality time instead of arguing most of the time. I'm sure he felt less of person because he didn't get what he really needed as a kid. But little did She Li know that he will feel less of human the next time his parents argue loudly.

That had started with the routine of his parents fighting and She Li looking for something to distract himself with, he ended up digging for worms and I suspect that he did that for a long while that day in which might've explain the bleeding. Later on he got diagnosed with Guillain-Barre' (Ghee-Yan Bah-Yan) syndrome this syndrome is a autoimmune type, in which a persons own immune system damages the nerves causing muscle weakness or paralysis, it can cause symptoms that last from few weeks to several years however most people recover fully while some have permanent nerve damage.

His thoughts were seemingly messy I wouldn't blame him if he still thought that his parents didn't care about him, I mean it was kind of their fault for not asking about what he does when playing outside or with whom, or for the least bit leaving a maid or two to check on him from time to time. But it was that day when he met a certain person in that hospital.

It was Mo Guan Shan that he saw at the hospital. A kid who was capable of feeling pain both physical and mental, not only that but he has a caring mother who seemed to care about her kid. At that moment She Li must've felt envious, a kid whom he didn't know had everything that She li didn't, he had the ability to feel pain and suffer and on top of that he had someone who cared about him who loved him and gave him attention when he needed it the most.

Perhaps She Li thinks that if Mo Guan Shan would become a happier and a healthier person then he would be superior to She Li, because then he would have something that is far away from She Li's reach and capability.

That's why he keeps on hurting Mo over and over again whenever Mo is feeling better or even worse. Maybe She li feels superior or on the same level as Mo when he stops him from feeling truly happy and at peace with his loved ones. As if only then the gap will become bigger than it was before. Because She Li thinks that he won't be able to be the same as Mo is, I mean he might get his syndrome treated and he might be able to feel the pain (both physical and mental) but She Li isn't sure of he can actually be truly loved or if he will be capable of loving and making someone as happy. And that is why he says things like this:

Of course it's not only to make Mo feel bad (cuz like no would want to be told that they are the same as She Li is) but to also make himself feel like they are the same (be it on the same level or the same type of people) when they are not.

I do think that She Li admires Mo for how human he is and he doesn't want him to be anymore of a human he wants Mo to be the same as him, someone who can't have anyone care about him, someone who might numb out and stop being a human for their own desires and someone who can be as hurt and heartless as She Li is regarding that he is hurt inside. I also think that She Li and He tian are similar I mean both of them were not met with love and affection from their family except He Cheng tried to rub the illusion of their fathers love on He tian, though it didn't work quite well. A relationship where you have to sacrifice everything to receive approval isn't and wouldn't be ideal from He tain's perspective, as well as She Li never talk about how he felt (he most likely didn't) the pain that he got from his parents inability to raise him properly like other parents do (by loving him and spending some time with him). However I'm not blaming everything on his parents they had their reasons yet that doesn't mean that it's justified to argue outloud most of the time and pay less attention for your kid than you with your job and arguments. Also I want to make that this post isn't here to justify She Li's bad actions against other people but to just look at him as something other than a snake, to look at him as a human and to hold accountable are both as important as the other is, and I don't want She Li to just have his actions bite him back but to also learn how bad his actions are. I want him to know very well that he hurt others and I want him to feel guilty and I want him to change, remember staying ignorant can not only hurt him but everyone else but learning where he made mistakes and holding himself accountable can help everyone not only the people hurt by him, us too will highly benefit.

⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙

Hey so this is me- the present me since I don't do this all in one day (cuz I'm a lazy person) so I hope ypu enjoyed this analysis and I hope I made it clear enough that this isn't for justifieing She Li's actions but an attempt to try and understand him. Also I'm sorry cuz I made a post a long while ago about She li and I though he had a different illness than the one in the manhua and I linked a website for that illness, however I deleted the post and I apologize for the big mistake...

This is the link for She Li's actual syndrome if you want to know more about it.

Anyways this was my "Why is She Li a bitch" post- wait, shit this the wrong script...welp can't change it now I guess. Again thank you for 50+ followers stay healthy and don't be a bitch like She Li.

[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #15: August 22, 2021

Dollar Tree is honestly pretty fucking awesome 👌👌👌

I set my alarm for like 6:25 this morning, but it took 6 minutes for the "Horsin' Around" theme song instrumental to wake me up. I was pretty tired lol. I just dismissed it and went back to sleep.

I only went back to sleep because I knew I had another alarm set for 7:00. That got me up.

I should mention that this was still in the RV over an hour away from the house.

After I got up, I went to go get a shower, and did so successfully.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten my brush this time and had to do it afterwards after my hair had a bit of time to dry, which did make it a little more difficult lol.

I got dressed and grabbed my stuff, putting it into my car.

I made it a point to see and say "see you later" to my grandparents before I left for the flea market.

My dad insisted that I stayed to say goodbye to my mom, so I left.

I did NOT have cell service up there, as was mentioned in my previous 2 blogs of which I could only post today, so finding my way was a tiny bit difficult until I got some service to ask Google to take me to "...".

It worked and I got there.

On my drive, I listened to 1 by Simple Kid, a CD I had previously purchased at a Dollar Tree location.

I got a call from the guy at the flea market saying that I had some people there waiting for me. He asked how far away I was, to which I said "about 10 minutes." Ironically, that call made me miss my exit, as Google couldn't talk during the call, and added about 3 minutes to my arrival time lmao.

I did sell the Xbox that he said someone was interested in. I got $40 for it. I spent 27¢ on it. Pretty good return if you ask me.

I couldn't sell it with anything other than a power cord because the controller and AV cables I had been using to play it there were for my personal console. I'm just glad I can actually hook my Xbox up and stop having to drag them to the flea market along with a small library of games.

Not too long after I sold the Xbox, someone came in and asked if I wanted to see some electronics he had in his car. I went out with him. It was a pair of 3ft speakers and a Pioneer audio system with dual cassette decks (although neither of them works) and a 25 Disc CD-changer, as well as the standard AM/FM tuner. Additionally, there was a Fisher amplifier and AM/FM tuner as well as a Fisher Direct Drive turntable. He said he wanted $60 for em, but before that he casually, and probably accidentally, dropped that he was just gonna take em to the thrift store.

Big mistake.

I got em for $35 lmao. THERE GOES MOST OF MY PROFIT.

Oh well.

I tested everything. As I mentioned, the cassette decks don't work, but everything else does apart from the turntable needing a new stylus.

I posted some new photos of the shop to Facebook, and someone soon DMed me about a stereo system.

I priced everything, and it turns out I have about $300 worth of equipment from that deal, the Fisher amp and tuner being worth about $150.

The buyer will hopefully show up next weekend, for he wants to buy the Fisher stuff ($185 with the turntable), the 3ft speakers, an 8-track deck, and a Kenwood deck we've had for a week or two.

The speakers are listed for $50 (and are worth around $100-150), the Kenwood Deck for $50 as well, and the 8-track for $35. That makes it about $320 in equipment. Since he's buying so much, I'll knock it down to $270 and essentially give him the speakers or cassette deck for free lol.

Apart from that stuff, not much happened at the flea market. I sold some records, cassettes, CDs and I think 2 DVDs. One person bought a VHS tape? That money was the other guy's though. Oh well xD.

I can't say that I didn't miss my wonderful partner while on the trip. I actually brought along the stuffed animal they gave me (who's name is Greg) and snuggled with him both nights.

I was very happy to hear from them UwU.

They let me rant and I let them rant.

I honestly give them too much responsibility over me xD. I'm like, "Okay, I'm gonna do this. HOLD ME TO IT."

I know I can't hold myself to anything I personally say (this blog being the only exception apparently), but I listen to them pretty well I think 🤔. If they tell me, "No, you don't need that VCR," so long as it's not some weird specialty thing, like a worldwide VCR 🥵, I'll be like "Yeah, you rite bro."

I love you man xD. You control my craziness pretty well. I'm so thankful for you UwU.

#relationshipgoals

So part way through the flea market day, I went over to Dollar Tree to buy some snack, but ended up looking through the CDs to see if there was anything good. I took photos of about 18 CDs and flipped through them online for the remainder of the flea market day.

I deleted the photos of the ones I didn't want and kept those that I liked. Surprisingly, I ended up buying 13 CDs there, but not before dropping them on the floor like the dumbass I am.

Also, sorry for all the nerd shit I spilled on your lap earlier. No one cares about amps and tuners xD.

I'M LISTENING TO ONE OF THE DOLLAR TREE CDS RIGHT NOW THO.

I already transferred over to my online library on iBroadcast and put the disc into my CD changer, which is now holding 164 CDs.

Its max capacity is 300 discs 🥵

WHY AM I NERD

Oh well

I like being a nerd gurl

Also maybe a technosexual 👀

I get really excited over some electronics. Like. REALLY excited.

Some editing VCRs are like "Holy shit that is SEXY. Look at those goddamn VU meters 🥵. And hhhh there are like 7 inputs on this thing and individual controls for left and right audio gain, not to mention Hi-Fi S-VHS recording. Hhhhhhhhhhh please gimme 😭. Why are you so expensive?"

I uh, mean, uh, *cough* look, pretty lights.

Oh yeah, I was gonna say the album I was listening to xD. MAN I GOT SIDETRACKED.

It's 37 Everywhere by Punchline. Def give it a listen; it's pretty heccin good.

Another notable album I picked up was Page One by Steven Page. I very much like the first track, "A New Shore." It's quite catchy and he has a great voice imo.

Also at dollar tree, I bought a regular bag of Fieras and 2 bags of Fieras Sticks, which were marked down to 75¢/bag because they're expiring soon.

I honestly like the generic Dollar Tree version of Takis more than actual Takis. They're a lot more flavorful when it comes to the lime, but also hotter at the same time.

Don't get the hot nacho ones tho. Hot nacho? More like hot pile of shit.

HAH

Goteem.

They're not that good xD.

THE REGULAR ONES ARE FIRE THO

"How do you do fellow kids?"

I got home and started working on putting the CDs onto my computer, and then onto iBroadcast, but not without first adding The Music Man to my digital library, something I had neglected for a month or two. The CD had just been sitting there lol.

I also switched my digital file for "The Black Parade" to that of the uncensored CD, which I had purchased before I event started working over 2 months ago.

MAN I'M LAZY

I eventually get around to shit tho lol. I guess it's just a matter of priority.

What usually takes priority is digging through everything to find something that I forgot about but then remembered, making a mess in the process that I would then have to clean up, at least partially.

I think the album just ended. I've been writing for a while xD. I'ma start "I Made You Something" by The Island of the Misfit Toys.

I'll tell you where that album came from in a minute.

In the meantime, where was I?

I kinda lost my train of thought despite reading up to see where I was. Oh well. On I go.

I ate dinner and kept working on those CDs, eventually putting my clothes from the week into the washer.

I FORGOT TO PUT MY SHAPING UNDERWEAR IN. FUCKING HELL MAN.

I wanted to wash em for this week 😭

No tight pants for Leonna I guess qwq.

Meanwhile, the box of my CD album cases is overflowing. I need another box.

I keep all of the album artworks in a big CD folder. That's almost full.

I wanna fill my entire CD changer. That's one of my big goals in life. Idk why, but I just wanna legitimately fill the entire thing.

My clothes are in the dryer now. I don't think I have the time (or energy) to fold them tonight. I'll leave that for tomorrow morning before work.

And God. Fucking. Damnit. I start school again on Wednesday. NOT looking forward to that, and neither are my 2 coworkers. We already have low enough staff, but only the two of them working is gonna be a pain in the ass.

I'll still work Saturdays.

I need to contact my guidance counselor to get out of the gym class I signed up for. I scheduled this shit before I found out I was trans, and I don't wanna deal with the fucking locker room situation 🙄 I have far more important matters.

Okay so anyway, the album I'm listening to came from a cassette. I bought this cassette a few months ago at the flea market along with a few others. The reason I bought them? They were all newer cassette releases from the 2010's, and they're all actually pretty good music from very indie bands.

Currently getting mad at iBroadcast's compression algorithm. It's unnaturally fucking anything over -10db up. Oh well, there's not really anything I can do about it.

I have like 13GB of music on my phone btw. That's about 3.5k songs on 268 albums.

I'm kind of an audiophile, but I'm too cheap to pay for a lossless service. Oh well.

They do actually have a lossless service on iBroadcast, but once again, too cheap.

Someone just sent me a friend request who legitimately posted that BLM and the democratic party are hate groups.

BLOCK.

Goodbye ho.

I don't get that. They call the democratic party a hate group when they hate people like me, and I, being more of a democrat although not fully because the 2-party system is fucked, think nothing more of them than they're very wrong about certain things, especially, as shown, that black people, as well as asian, Indian, native, and people of all ethnicities and backgrounds, are not equal to white people.

Yeh.

Totally.

You go buddy.

Anyway, yeah, I can, and do, convert music and video from analog formats to digital files in order for me to archive and listen to whenever and wherever I please. I've actually made a bit of a business out of it, but I don't get too much work from it. At least I'm not overloading myself xD.

I honestly have so much more to say, but I should probably go to sleep soon.

A few final shoutouts to the following people and companies:

-Dollar Tree

-Steven Page

-Broken World Media

-The Island of Misfit Toys

-Simple Kid

-Punchline

-My incredible partner QwQ I love you so much. Thanks for being the best all the time. I hope I can give you the best life ever.

Anyway I suppose this is goodnight. Lmk if you want a full list of the CDs I bought today! I'll link that song by Steven Page here.

And here's a good song from Simple Kid

I really like music lol. Enjoy these pieces.

Anyway, goodnight lol.

Lots of love,

-Leonna.

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

One Night Only 2, Part 5

Dedicated to @muse-of-mbaku and I should've been did this a long time ago. I sowwy. Word Count: 5,290

Warnings: Softboi!Erik, Smut

Erik blinks slowly before touching his locs in a reaction that has come to mean he's not completely sold on your idea or thought process and you should think it through. "Aight so.. your plan is to fly Corey out here to the house to force him to talk to Anaya, but you say he ain't tryna see her or be around her for more than, what, ten seconds..," Erik's brow wrinkles.

"It's because he's emotional," you sigh shaking your head flippantly. "He cries easily when it comes to her and Anthony. Then he feels like a babyback bitch so he doesn't want anyone to see that side of him, but that's just how much he loves her. Which is why he needs to talk to her face to face," you gesticulate. "So I just need you to talk to him and convince him to come here because he might listen to advice coming from another quote-unquote alpha male."

He licks his lips, brow furrowing. "Watch yourself," his eyes twinkle. You offer your hand in relent.

"Chill moe. He's stubborn is all I mean, but that's another reason you could talk to him, y'all have that in common," you cheese. His brows go up in playful warning before you get serious again. "No, but you know as well as I do they belong together. They know it too, they just need to be reminded. I can't handle both of them, I can only hold one at a time. If one walks away I need you there to keep the other from leaving."

"Oh, like that?" He leans back on his elbows looking up from the bed at you as you plot your intentions.

"Bro, like that. Hopefully it doesn't come down to it, but knowing Anaya's temper and Corey's level of petty, it might."

Pulling out his phone. He dials a number and puts it on speaker. It rings twice before Corey's lazy voice picks up.

"They done got to you bruh?"

"My girl sad cuz your girl sad and it's cuz'uh you. Bring ya ass and fix it... Tired of this shit."

"Niggas got work."

"Not no more, we all held up off our schedules for this hoe shit. Get on a plane, you know the address. Don't make me have to come get you."

"Oh you tryna hoe me now? That's cool then, buy me another pair of sneakers when you touch down, bitch."

"Nigga fuck you," Erik's face scrunches.

"Since we hoein' an'shit.. yup. Hit my cash app. Have my gift in hand or be prepared to get that ass beat. Give a fuck if you a rapper nigga."

Just as you're about to step in because the conversation is getting way out of hand, you shut your mouth.

"Whatever bitch, you heard what the fuck I said. Get here," Erik mumbles.

"I said I'm coming, damn."

Corey hangs up and Erik balances the phone in his palm looking at the screen before turning his attention back to you. You don't know what the hell kind of communication that was, but if that was how they communicated, it had nothing to do with you.

"He'll be here.. What you gon' tell Anaya?"

"ANAYA ALREADY HEARD," a muffled voice fogs through the wall. Her room is a few doors away but she is nosey as hell in the next room. Erik's hard squint toward the wall only rips the sputtering snicker roughly from your lips. He's not used to people being nosey in his house.

"My bad," you almost snort when he wipes the particles from his face and stares at his hand like how dare you spit on him. "Stop, it's not poisonous. Lick it," you prompt pushing his hand to his face. He turns away like a baby not wanting the food you're pushing but he doesn't do that when he's kissing you. He leans backward on the bed seemingly to avoid you, but you see where this is going. You climb on top of him and like you suspected, he grips your ass with his free hand while you wrestle with his other thick hand trying to force it near his mouth as he snickers. You have every intention of playing along with his game. "LICK IT," you yell pushing his wrist as he tilts his head. You can feel him getting semi-hard beneath you.

"There are children in this house," Anaya yells through the wall.

"They ain't mine," Erik yells back before flipping you so that he's on top. The sloppiest kiss is what follows and then two chaste ones on your tongue since you refuse to put it back in your mouth.

"What you wanna do about the leaked number," he asks pulling back. You'd already gotten it changed, but you didn't know who posted the number onto twitter in the first place. If it wasn't Armont it had to be a business contact. You doubted it was anyone really close because they could've done it at any point and this seemed like too late in the game for bullshit like that to occur. You hadn't even seen the tweet in question though.. and you'd searched your name and your fan created hashtag #y/ngang.

"I just want to know who did it so I can move on without being paranoid. I can't even find the tweet they said was posted. I think it was deleted," you admit.

"You know damn well shit don't just disappear on the internet," he mumbles sitting up completely to dial another saved number and putting the phone on speaker. "Erik," the voice greets in a professionally chipper tone. "Quentin," Erik responds dully. "My girl's number was leaked on social media and that's a problem for me."

"Safety concerns, I get it," Quentin offers. "Shouldn't be too hard to figure things out. Did she change her number? That's the first thing I'd recommend."

"Yeah she got a new number, but I still need to know who's responsible for this leak or she can't give her new number out like she needs to. It's affecting her career and her lifestyle therefore it's a serious issue for me, you feel me?"

"Oh absolutely! Uhh, what is her account handle? I can check things out and call you back."

Erik gives him the necessary information and hangs up. "That's two problems. What was the third one? The babysitter. What she do?"

"Erik, I was disgusted," you sit up before recounting the situation of child neglect and catching the chick in your closet wearing your clothes. When you'd checked your closet it was clear she'd tried on multiple dresses and even sprayed your Dolce perfume a few times. It wasn't that you were hung up on these material items so much as the principle. She shouldn't have been in your stuff. She didn't know you and you didn't know her. "So not only had she not fed or cleaned up Anthony.. been all up and through my shit.. but when I kicked her out she ain't wanna leave immediately. I had to go downstairs and then I heard the door close like I'd scared her or something. What the fuck?"

He shakes his head unsure of what to say. "She lucky it was you who caught her and not me. She ain't mess with my shit wonder why?"

"I don't know but she weirded me out. Courtney, who we have now hasn't tried anything like that so far."

"Well you fired the other bitch and she ain't been back so things should be alright now."

"You right," you sigh letting it go. "Charge it to the game."

"That's right," he says rising and adjusting his dark grey joggers over his black briefs. "Was that it?"

"Yeah, I didn't expect you to stop and handle everything right now but--"

"Why wait," he interrupts, "Procrastination never helped anything."

"Facts.."

"I'll be in the gym," he calls over his shoulder as he shuffles from the room. Well.. that's that then. You'll just wait now to see what happens.

---

"Use your fans to track it down. Somebody gotta screenshot," Anaya says as she's beside you in the home studio spinning in a rolling chair. You've gotten far off the task of messing around with the sound of instruments for the fifth possible track on your album.. that is, if you don't switch it with the seventh track. Anaya was supposed to be telling you which order was better, but she was on her phone and deaf to the world around her. "You know what, I'll do it so your name doesn't have to get tied to it."

"Thank you because I'm not trying to dig myself deeper into anything stupid. I let my servants do the dirty work for me," you tease.

"BIIIITCH," Anaya rears ready to flame before getting distracted again.

"You got ADD," you comment. She's hooked to that phone.

"You got a nappy ass kitchen," she quips without looking up causing you to flinch at the quickness of the comeback. You feel on the hair at the back of your neck ready to come back at her but trying to find something else. "I'm a mom of a one year old boy, it's a requirement that I know how to multitask. I'm posting now trying to get some info. Hashtag Y/N. Hashtag who has those digits. Hashtag Y/Ngang. Hashtag.... wait. I just had a thought," her head shoots up. Her chair stalls.

"What if it's a page that doesn't like you?!"

"Who doesn't like me? It's me." Pft.

"But if someone's hating on you they don't see you," Anaya gestures to your general area, "They just see a generic image. Some bitch who has everything they want in life."

"I don't... hm.. damn, I do have everything..," you pause, "..but I've worked for it. It wasn't easy."

"You have."

"I may not deserve every good thing that comes--"

"Don't start that doubting shit," Anaya interrupts, her index going crazy to emphasize each point. "You deserve it. You worked for it. Anyone in your ass about it can catch these hands."

"I love it when you talk violent," you tease biting your lip.

"You so stupid. Shut the hell up," her eyes roll. "ANYWAY. I say we create a fake account but make it a hate page and talk shit. Then reach out and see what people are talking about you."

It's a good idea. You hang behind Anaya's shoulder as she creates a throw away email and a fake Twitter account handing you her phone. Instantly, you start hammering out tweets.

@ Y/N give it up, singing is not your ministry sis

People say Y/N is attractive. Okay, but consider seeing an optometrist?

If I have to hear her sing off key one more time I'm cutting my ear off like Van Gogh

"Done," you say handing the phone back to Anaya. She sputters and almost drops the phone. "What the hell," she cackles.

"What? That's the type of thing a hater would say. I've seen things like that said about me before. You've seen it too."

"Okay, but you got them beat in originality," she chuckles spinning in her chair. "Okay so let's search up the hating tags and.. here's an interesting account. There are about three, four, five.. nine tweets about you in this tag from one account. I BET they'd know something. I'm messaging them about my hate for you right now."

You stand over her shoulder to watch the screen as she sends the DM.

"They probably won't resp- Damn that was quick," she mumbles. The minutes slip away as you watch Anaya type back and forth, bullshit to this person on the other side of the screen who seems to absolutely hate every fiber of your being. You expected passive aggressive anger where they'd say something and then move on, but no. It's been twenty minutes and they haven't begun to talk their shit it seems.

And Killmonger doesn't even love her. I heard that he's gone all the time and they're not really together, it's just a publicity stunt so she can profit from his image since she lacks talent of her own.

"What the fuck....," you stare at the messages that keep popping up. Lowkey it's kind of bothering you, the passion and the time that they dedicate to hating you. Also, who is clocking Erik's schedule to know when he is and is not home?

Ooh tea? I need sources, Anaya responds with the eyes emoji. She's linked to a tea page with a discussion board consisting of twenty eight pages of back and forth chat, as well as pictures and videos of you.

What the hell....

For a bunch of people who claim to hate you, they spend a lot of time being hyperfixated on you. They look like fans. On page four there's the screenshot in question taken from Twitter and reposted with laughing emojis and various people saying that they called just to call you a bitch and hang up. Of course, you know for a fact that was a lie, you hadn't answered.

The poster of the tweet exposing your number seems to be a different account than the one you and Anaya have been chatting to. Anaya looks up the account and it's still activated, they've just taken down the tweet although they still talk shit. It's like a rabbit hole.

Anaya takes all the screenshots she can and stretches her thumb out before copying the links. You'll have to give them to Erik to pass to that guy he spoke with on the phone or get his number from Erik when he finishes his workout.

---

Over the next few days, you work only on your music in the home studio and in the recording studio where your team gathers. It's a lot of tedious work and a lot of trying different things, but it also feels good to be doing what you love. Erik is Erik.. consistently busy and everywhere and that's fine because you know you'll see him when Corey comes. Anaya has been enjoying the house, lounging and playing with Anthony while Courtney the new sitter has been stepping in mightily to give her breaks.

The day finally comes when your phone lights up with a message from Corey to say he's on the ground in LAX and taking a car. That means he'll get to your place in an hour. You check the time and call Anaya who's out back with Anthony playing in a plastic pool Courtney brought over to let Anthony splash in. You let her know she has an hour to prepare herself for whatever's about to happen. She just says okay. Then you call Erik. Corey gave him the heads up a long time ago it seems.. so he's already on his way home. Turning back to the computer before you, you put your Drop headphones back on and continue to edit your vocals for the track six, deciding it's missing something. Angling the Shure mic on the table, you speak a sentence and fade it into the next recorded verse.

You almost jump out of your skin when Erik drops his hands on your shoulders, laughing at your reaction.

"When you start rapping?"

Your heart thuds as you remove your headphones and check the time. Fourty minutes seems like ten when you're working.

"That's my greeting? Let's do this again. I'll walk out and come back. This time put a little more love in your reception."

You watch amused as he walks back out looking back at you repeatedly. He peaks his head in before sauntering into the room and approaching you. You stand and meet him half way hugging him before smoothing down his beard gently.

"Now that's better. Thank you," he mumbles bumping your nose with his and walking to the screen where you've been working on your project. "Can I hear what you have?"

"Of course." You want him to hear everything you have so far but you have to show him when you both have the time. For now, you just play track six watching his face closely for any change in expression as he shakes his head gently to the rhythm. "What do you think?"

"It's not finished, but it's good.." He's really focusing on the individual sounds you can tell. "I like where it's going, but... Yeah, you'll figure it out," he nods cutting his commentary short. He's not feeling it, but he's not one to harp on negative things regarding you or at all really. He sees that you understand the song kinda sucks right now. You nod in response deciding that the song is nowhere near being complete as he said and suddenly you hear where parts could be smoother and words could be omitted. It also comes to mind to change the entire arrangement. "I think I got it," you smile.

"I know you do," he confirms, "You always figure it out."

Leaning your head onto his chest, you hug him again and he rubs your back. So you decide to go a step further and slip your hand under his white graphic button down. There's a black and white image of a big fearsome cat printed near the neck. You begin unbuttoning the shiny magenta buttons from the bottom. He did make the shirt look damn good. You peel it off of him and toss it over your chair, working on his slim black Louis belt then his black Levi's. Close the door, you remind yourself before scooting off to lock it.

Your cut off hoodie comes off in a lithe motion followed by your shorts and panties in another quick push. When you reach him, you each have the same idea simultaneously yanking each other roughly, clashing bodies. He's got you by the waist and the low bun and your nails sink deeply into the keloids of his biceps as you sink to the floor intertwined, his body under yours. Your head swings to the side and your body envelops his, covering him and like a second skin while you slide back and forth.

"Grab my dick.. Put me inside." He holds your hips in place while you reach under and grab his length, sliding the tip along your lower lips and slipping it into your cave. "Don't tease my shit, ride."

You sit with the dick inside, shallow, and make slow even rotations taking his hands from your hips and pinning them near his head. You tend to do this slowly and watch his patience deteriorate bit by bit. He doesn't speak again, but you watch his eyes fixed unblinking on yours as you continue your slow wind, smug.

You keep winding and then pause, realizing it's not giving you the feeling you want and are used to. He's not reacting the way you expected either. You wanted him to get frustrated and take that passion out on you but..

"That's it? Or did you wanna dry hump me too?"

"You're annoying."

"Nah, I just wondered how long you'd do that knowing it wasn't hitting shit for you or me. Did you have fun?"

Planting your hands on his chest you push from your knees to the balls of your feet and bounce up and down taking him deep the way he likes it. It's mildly painful, but also very pleasurable. This is the position that changes his tune. If he's mad, you can always hit this position in the bedroom and soon he's back to singing your praises. A little clit stimulation and you'd be closer to coming too. Reading your mind, his fingers swipe his tongue and then reach to rub your small nerve bundle in the way you love.

"Bounce it, gimme all that."

You go as long as you can, taking the pounding in stride no matter what.. until your knees give from the fatigue and your body gets weak from the pressure of your building orgasm. You decide to ride, rocking against him from on your knees. You're close.

"Faster," he whispers, a hard quick slap to your ass. Oh shit.. You go faster until your body gives you that jolt like you're about to cum. "Wait what you doing," he panics suddenly.

"Reverse cowgirl." Giving yourself a quick and slick break, you have to pause to turn around, but you manage to keep the dick in and start back riding building your speed. Reaching down, you grab his balls gently to force him closer to orgasm. He moans a little when you play with them and you continue until he grips your legs.

"You tryna make me nut first."

"What was your first clue," you smirk giving his sack a mild tug forcing him to cuss sharply. He likes this.. and so do you. You want him to cum and after two more well timed pulls, the white creamy fluid shoots inside you.

---

"I missed this," he pants, his minty breath on your ear as you claw his back and bite your lip, your knees high on either side of his large body.

"I'm coming," you breathe letting the electric current cause your body to shake and jolt. When you finally calm down some, he pulls out and you pant quietly while he lays beside you. A glass of water at this point would be great. Swallowing, you sigh big. "It's a shame Corey had to come to bring you back home to me," you pout. His kryptonite. He kisses his teeth.

"You know I got a lot I be doing," he whispers but you're not truly upset with him and he knows that. You know better than to fault him for his career and interests. He never did that to you.

"I forgive you. You're here now," you smile seeing the warmth in his almost black eyes.

"I ASKED YOU A SIMPLE QUESTION," Corey's voice yells so loudly that it carries to where you are. You check the time realizing you'd done forgot all about him. Shit, shit shit. Scurrying, you pull on all your clothes piece by piece and Erik stands leisurely putting his clothes back on but leaves the shirt unbuttoned and his sneakers off and on the floor.

Following the shouting, you walk out into the hall and see Corey outside of the guest room facing the doorway. Anaya's calm angry voice is loud now too.

"And I don't have to answer the way you want me to. I answer the question how I answer it and you take what I say as what I mean. I mean exactly what I said," she asserts loudly. You get close enough to lay eyes on them both and you notice baby Anthony on the bed sleep. How he could sleep through all the yelling was beyond you. Must be used to it.

"...I'm a ask you one mo' damn time," Cory points walking into the room straight up to Anaya with two fingers, almost pushed into her face. She doesn't budge knowing he knows better than to put them any closer. He's not that reckless afterall.

"What's the question," you yell cutting in with a hand between the angry couple. Anaya's eyes go straight to you, her hand flying up in exasperation.

"He keeps asking me if I'm FUCKING anyone at WORK.. I don't know how many fucking ways to say no. Do I need to sing it in a song because words don't penetrate."

Gaping, you flatten your hand in the air and lower it signaling her to come down a notch. Few times have you ever seen her this angry. Her lips purse and her eyes shift briefly before her head tilts and her foot swings on its heel. She's trying.

"Corey. Back the hell up," you say slowly pushing your hand forward to gesture he should step back. He takes two quick dramatic steps back, shrugs, and crosses his arms. "Show me the picture," you prompt moving closer to him and watching his phone screen when he takes it out. It looks like a woman who looks like Anaya and it does look like she's on her knees and her head is obstructed by a mans ass and groin area though his pants are up.... it doesn't look good. His fly could be down... He's got one hand in front of him because on camera you can't see it. It looks like he could be palming her head. "Um.. wait. Neither of y'all say a word to each other. I need to examine this."

How can you tell Corey that the photo is a lie when you'd think the same thing as him seeing the photo with no context. Anaya said she was picking stuff up from the floor, but the photo is cropped so there's no proof. But there's also no concrete, hardcore evidence that Anaya is lying.

"She wouldn't do something like this especially in public," you say aloud looking at every detail you can and zooming on the photo.

"No offense, Y/N, you like a sister to me for real, but no one figured you for sex in public with niggas you barely know but look how that turned out. How am I supposed to be sure? I'm just supposed to accept that she just might be cheating on my ass and that's supposed to be okay? I gave everything to this fuckin relationship I can't st- Man, shit." He made it halfway to the door before Erik blocked it.

"For starters, fuck you," you glare. "Second, look at you right now acting like a bitch. You always forcing me to do some shit saying I need to boss up? Yeah, it's your turn to face your relationship head on. Put your big boy pants on. Stop being a BITCH."

"You call me a bitch one more time," he points.

"And you'll do what," you challenge stepping closer.

"Pluck you in that bigass sixhead. Sit ya ass down."

"I wish you would! You lucky Anaya loves you, stupid ass. But you need to trust her! Anyone who gets accused constantly like that and not believed would be mad. You're basically calling her a hoe. How long is she supposed to hear that she's a hoe from you?"

"Maybe don't do hoe-ish shit," Corey snarks narrowing his eyes with sarcasm. You can feel Anaya's rage behind you building. It's a concoction of anger, frustration, pain, and annoyance. This is cutting her deeply to her core.

"Corey... Do you honestly think that lowly of her?" Your own heart is shredding at this point and heavy.

"I don't think lowly of her, I still love her... I still love you and shit," he says to her now, "But goddamn I don't know what to do. I always felt like some nigga would come along and try to take my place.. I tried to do everything so you wouldn't feel a need to go to no other nigga for nothing and then I hear that you suckin dick in the office and y'all messing around. Bitch sends a damn PICTURE. What would you do with that? You'd leave my ass. Lie and say you wouldn't. Lie and say you wouldn't!"

"Get out my face," Anaya sighs.

A loud smash steals the attention of the room and it wakes the baby who looks confused and a little scared before going back to sleep. There is Erik with a stack of plates. You hadn't noticed he'd left. One plate is shattered on the floor from hitting the wall.

"We taking this downstairs." Erik's eyes narrow and he turns leaving the room. You see Anaya look to Anthony who's sleep again and the three of you head downstairs after Erik finding him in the middle of the living room. He hands a plate to Corey. "Smash it," he commands. Corey eyes him, feeling the weight of the plate in his hand and staring at the wall before throwing the plate.

"FUCK," he yells throwing his arms and stretching them.

"Feels good," Erik nods handing Anaya a plate. He doesn't have to tell her. She smashes it and then another one, her body dropping the tension, arms going slack and hanging. It's so sudden when she starts sobbing, you're shocked but you rush in to hold her as she let's loose on your shoulder, shaking.

"Regardless of what the pictures show... This the mother of your child," Erik speaks, his eyes on Corey whose arms are over his head like he's trying to stay standing. "This is the one who takes care of your home, feeds your child. This is the one you decided to marry. Till death do you part. Y'all ain't dead," he shrugs. "Neither are your feelings for each other apparently."

You can't see Corey's face but you can hear him sniffling and see his hand moving constantly to wipe at his face and he groans like he's frustrated at himself for crying.

"Y'all gonna get over this. It won't be easy. But you both need to." He's looking at Anaya now and he touches her shoulder gently not taking her from your embrace. His voice comes out lowly and it's so warm and kind it's comforting you as well and you're not even the target. "Now you know this damp ass nigga be crying himself to sleep to Jodeci. You got the type of nigga to sing Frank Ocean to a picture of you, thinking bout you.. You really finna let that go? ....When you know he luh you that much?"

Her sobs have slowed and her breathing has begun to even. He turns back to Corey.

"Y'all are meant to be together.. People gonna test to see if they can get between y'all.. Don't let em," he nearly whispers. "I stay getting DMs saying my girl been with hella other niggas in the industry."

"Hold up, what DMs," you murmur looking over. Not to ruin the moment. But what DMs??

"--other niggas who ain't got a pot to piss in," he adds.

"Who is sending these DMs," you ask a bit louder.

"I even seen shit photoshopped to look damn realistic... but I trust her. She ain't give me a reason not to. Even if she did, I'm not giving her up that easy. NOOO," he frowns. "That's mine. She stuck with my ass."

"Ok but can we go back to who is working so diligently to craft such ridiculous lies? Can we get that info?"

"Y/N.... Shut up. This ain't about you. See that?" He turns back to Corey. "How long it take y'all to be comfortable and real with each other like that? Love when you reach a certain point.. it ain't always worth starting all the way the fuck over. Some relationships ain't meant to be, true. But it took Y/N to come along and teach me that there will be someone in your life worth fighting and dying for and nigga.. you got two. Don't fuck this up. This small shit. Look at this girl, how in love she is witcha ugly ass.. You see that shit?"

A moment passes and Corey approaches you and Anaya slowly, locking eyes with you and requesting permission to Anaya which you grant. Carefully you pull back and let Corey take your place holding her. She starts to cry again and this time he's rubbing comforting circles on her back and rocking her gently. Erik tilts his head giving you the sign to go with him upstairs leaving them alone and the two of you silently make your exit.

@imaginewhoever @goddessofthundathighs @panthergoddessbast @thadelightfulone @misspooh @marvelmaree @youreadthatright @forbeautyandlife @theunsweetenedtruth @bidibidibombaclaat @myboyfriendgiriboy @dameshaemonique @blackpantherimagine   @vikkidc @hidden-treasures21 @mysidefanting @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @syndrlla97 @winteroflife @thotyana-in-this-hoe   @texasbama @gingerylimonte @princessstevens   @magic-madness-heavensin @wawakanda-btch @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @wakanda-inspired @blackgirloneshots @thegucciwaffle @thiccdaddy-mbaku @drsunshine97 @purplehairgawdess @trevantesbrat @indigoxsummers @cccccx1   @dynastylnoire @iamrheaspeaks @blowmymbackout @fonville-designs @they-call-me-le @theblulife @raysunshine78 @sheisexcellent @blackpinup22

[maladaptivemischief]

Really long and dramatic personal post about my experience with chronic illness ahead - sorry in advance - your regular pun and cat related content will resume tomorrow

---

I cry in doctors offices. It's completely automatic. When I see a medical professional, as soon as either of us start talking, I cry.

And I hate it.

It's embarassing and I feel dramatic and emotional and ashamed. I don't know why it happens but sometimes when it's late I think about it and there's a few things that might be responsible for it. I think this one's most likely.

For context I should say I'm chronically ill. I have ehlers-danlos syndrome. It's incurable and when I was diagnosed with it I was told I have until I'm around 30 years old before I won't be able to walk anymore. And I cried.

I joke with doctors a lot when they hear about my disorder, it's rare so I'm usually the one explaining what it is, and I say I'm so lazy it's a relief that one day I'll have a chair that does all the walking for me.

I think its fairly obvious I'm lieing but when a doctor says, "God, that's depressing.", to your face you kinda have to lighten the mood for their sake if nothing else. I cried then too.

I think it might be because when I was growing up, like literally everyone else I was showered in encouragement. They told me I could do anything I wanted to do, be anything I wanted to be, change the world or just find my place in it. They said my options were limitless.

Then I turned 17 and found out that it's all true, the whole world is out there and you can grab it by the balls and fight for any future you want if you've got enough nerve and determination.

And if you're healthy.

I'm not healthy.

Just like that I watched my future disappear through my fingers, all the things I'd ever wanted to do stolen from me before I could ever even try. My entire past had been a lie and my entire future was too.

But that's depressing and I'm lazy so it's fine. I've got a high pain tolerance so it's fine. Being alone, and useless, and expensive, and taking up space won't kill me so it's fine.

It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

Except for the fact that it's not fine at all because I lost someone that day and I've been drowning in grief ever since.

It's pretentious as fuck but the person I lost is myself. My potential. My future. Taken before its time and I've never stopped to catch my breath and say goodbye. I never processed it or figured out how to move on.

It doesn't help that no one will admit not only that it's gone, but that it was never their to begin with. They'll tell me I've given up, that I should break myself trying anyway, or they just pretend there isn't a problem at all.

They stand on my grave and ask me why I'm not better yet.

But somehow doctors are worse.

When I see doctors, they have me walk them to my own grave, dig out the bones of what I wanted to be with my bare hands, and hold it up for their inspection so they can nod their heads and say, "Yes that's definitely quite dead."

And I cry.

Sorry again - it's late and it felt about time to sit down and analyze why I cry whenever I talk about literally any aspect of my health in a professional setting. It's definitely one of my more inconvenient triggers lmao have a cat

[spinnerlockeplay]

Pokemon FireRed Nuzlocke (Part 3) - Surge or Bust!

Yikes, 11 months already?! Damn, I'm so busy lately, that I forgot posting this a few months ago. Well don't worry, the Nuzlocke continues with the third gym playthrough!

Basic Nuzlocke Rules

Species Clause

Gym Level Limit: 24

Lives: 6

Detailed Rules

Current Gym Rule:

Capture Chance Rule - If defeated before and during the third gym, I can restart my save file unless my life is currently zero. I can also exchange my life to catch an additional Pokemon in one of the routes that I already made encounters. Once the gym is defeated, I will gain an extra life regardless of the result and an additional life if the capture chance isn't used in any way.

Okay, before I can move on with the next planned destination, I wanted to point out something.

In the previous post, I've mentioned that I had to do another encounter on Route 4. In case you don't know, the reason why is that I encountered a Spearow and failed to capture it. But then, I realized that since I'm running on revival rules and the species clause didn't say anything about catching a species that my original died before, I decided to do another encounter there. So instead of starting in Cerulean City, we're starting back on Route 4. So let's see what happens and...

No, I end up knocking out an Ekans there. Great.

(My reaction over losing Ekans again. Plus, I'm too lazy to draw my frustrations...)

After that, I headed off to the Nugget Bridge on Route 24 and knocked out the five trainers there as some kind of a boss rush challenge that rewards you with a Nugget. When I did get it, the man who organized the challenge turned out to be a disguised Rocket Grunt and offered an invitation to join Team Rocket. I gave him a silent no and he tried to drag me into the team by force.

That didn't turn out great for him.

(What part of "no" do you understand?! 😠)

After I healed my Pokemon from the challenge, I sold my Nugget and Star Piece at the Poke Mart and bought some Super Potions and Poke Balls there. Once I'm finished shopping, I headed to Route 25 and caught an Oddish and named him Raddish. While I did box him afterward, his role will be important later down the road for this part.

Then I headed to Pokemaniac and PC Developer, Bill's House while battling the trainers there and caught a Weedle whom I nicknamed her "Queen". At the same time, Birdy evolved into Pidgeotto. Once I reached his house, I found him as a talking Clefairy thanks to a lab accident. I helped him get back to normal and as his way to say thank you, he gave me a ticket to an S.S. Anne cruise located in Vermilion City. Either that or he didn't want to go there anyway.

(Is it okay if you stay that way?)

As I got back to Cerulean, I noticed that Flora was almost at her level limit and if she exceed it, there was no way she could participate in the next Gym battle. Sure, her attacks were not effective against Electric-types, but I want her to stick around if something happens to Wrecker, my only counter to Lt. Surge's Pokemon. I know I need her for the battle, so for now, I replaced her with Radish while training him and Queen at the same time.

Just as I could start training, I noticed a crime scene in a nearby house. It seemed someone broke in and stole the family's beloved TM - Dig and since I noticed that the police were a bit slow, I passed through the broken wall to catch the mystery robber myself. To no surprise, a Team Rocket Grunt was responsible for it. I did have trouble with his Machop at first, but like all of his colleagues before him, I managed to beat him and restore the TM, which the family let me keep in the end.

(Ba-dum-bish!)

Once I dealt with that grunt, I kept training and restocking until Queen evolved into Beedrill. After that, I went to Route 5 and caught a Meowth after several encounters. I named her Helen, which was a real-life cat we owned until she went missing. I miss her...

I then went to the Underground Path to reach Route 6. However, since most of the Pokemon there were the ones I already caught, I decided to not use my encounter there and continue my training there.

After a few minutes of training, I arrived at Vermilion City and stopped by at the Pokemon Fan Club where I got a Bike Voucher from its president and an Old Rod from the Fishing Guru. As much as I want to use it, I rather not waste my Capture Chance to catch another Magikarp. (Foreshadowing...)

Before I head to S.S. Anne, I want to do some encounters in two new areas first. I tried to catch a Diglett in its namesake tunnel, but Birdy accidentally Crit it. However, I got lucky in Route 11 where I caught a Drowsee and nicknamed him Dizzy. And as much as I like how Bait grabbed a few victories and helped me survive up to this point, I decided to replace him with Dizzy into the team.

Now, this was a part where I made some dumb decisions. I tried battling some trainers in the S.S. Anne where I got poisoned. And not knowing there's a room where I can heal in the boat, I chickened out and headed out to battle some trainers in Route 11. But the dumbest decision I've made was back in Diglett's Cave. I tried training Nerde there. But I got a bad run-in with an Arena Trap Diglett and to my dismay and horror, it killed her.

(NO!!! The saltwater has taken him!!!)

This was the first Pokemon I was more devastated than with the Spearow. She was supposed to be my Water-type main once she evolved into Gyarados along the way. But thanks to my dumb decisions, it cost me my Magikarp. But I can't change the past now and I don't want to waste a life to catch another Magikarp. So I swallowed my pride and replaced Nerde with Flora.

Not wanting to take any more chances, I headed back to S.S. Anne and continued fighting more trainers along the way. During my battling streak, Radish evolved into Gloom and Wrecker leveled up to 24. As the rules stated, if I exceed the Current Gym Level, I can't use them for the gym battle. And since I'm not doing a blind playthrough and using Bulbapedia as a guide (again, don't @ me! It's my playthrough!), I have to face some Electric-type Pokemon on the other floors of the ship. So I decided to avoid letting him more battles to cut some EXP gain from him for now.

(Oh, hell NO!)

Once I beat most of the trainers, I encountered Vann again with his usual smugness killing my mood. We battled again and Birdy practically dominated it by a large margin. She did level up to 25, but since I'm facing off against an Electric-type Gym Leader, I doubt she's joining the gym battle soon.

(That's because I'm currently on Nuzlocke, genius!)

After Vann left, I visited the Captain's Quarters where I saw him throwing up in the trash thanks to his seasickness. I'm still confused why a captain of the cruise ship was prone to seasickness. But then again, this is a JRPG. There is always a way to create something ridiculous to impede my progress. After helping him recover, he gave me HM01 - Cut as thanks. With the S.S. Anne departed from the docks, I move on to the preparations for my next gym battle.

(And I got it after I massaged a strange old guy's back. Please don't take it out of context.)

I replaced Birdy with Bait (as a death fodder in case something bad happens) and once I restocked everything, I cut down the tree and head off to the Vermilion City Gym. This was a bit tough not because of the gym's difficulty. As I said, Wreaker was now 24 and I had to save him for the gym battle. Not only that, I'm a bit frustrated when it came to the switch puzzle. Every time I get the wrong trash can after figuring out the first one, everything got reset, which can be more annoying than keeping Wreaker's level at 24.

(My party for the Vermilion Gym)

Eventually, I managed to solve it and face off against Lt. Surge. Flora and Radish took care of his Voltorb and Pikachu. Once he took out his last Pokemon, Raichu, I finally let Wreaker battle at last and unlike before, I had a bit of trouble thanks to Raichu's Double Team, which raised its evasiveness by two stages. But with two Magnitudes, I completed the Vermilion Gym and got myself the Thunder Badge.

Unfortunately, it wasn't a clean run this time since I lost my Magikarp beforehand. I know that in the next gym, I don't need a Water-type, but at this rate, I need to catch a new one sooner or later and I can't do that with a Good Rod. For now, I'll gain 2 lives due to me not using the capture chance in any way.

(3 down, 5 to go)

With that said, the third gym is down. Tune in again as I take on the fourth gym! See ya in the next post!

[hashtagsmitty]

Smitty's Thailand Adventure - Day 7

Goddamn happened again - I spent two hours on this post and my phone deleted it.

In which snakes get tortured, an expatriot hero is honored, a suit is fitted, and axes don't get thrown.

I slept weird again last night - I'm not used to box spring mattresses. I have a Koala foam mattress and April has a futon, so springs poking me in the ass all night is a new experience for me. Plus the air con, it's hot then it's cold, etcetera.

Usual morning routine - the Hitler Youth and White Family Mart for breakfast. I planned my day while I ate - I wanted to visit the snake farm. Technically, the late queen's memorial snake farm. I thought that sounded awesome.

Skytrain to Siam, swapped to the other line. Not much new to say about the skytrain except there's this jingle that one of the ads plays that I will never get out of my head. Also, there's barriers around some but not all of the platforms, and the train stops perfectly such that the doors are between the openings in the barriers. It's pretty special.

Crazy Thai traffic aside, I made it to the snake farm. It looked like something out of the Walking Dead:

It was mostly the rust on the spikes. And the overgrowth. And the barriers in front of the entrance. And the red cross trucks unloading pallets of gear. I did not think I was supposed to be in there, but the sign said this way to snake farm, so in I went.

I found the place fine. Once I got past the zombie movie shit anyway. The farm looked awesome!

It was a big pagoda with open air snake enclosures all over the place. Very tropical, very novel. There was a big old rat in one of the enclosures. I watched him for ages to see if a snake was going to get him, but he was as still as a statue, with only his tiny rat ears twitching.

After the pagoda was an indoor museum - much the same, but with single cages for each snake. With glass. It wasn't quite what I expected from a Thai snake farm - far more like a zoo than a snake farm. Not enough zero-fucks-given Thai dudes with snakes wrapped around them. I looked at the snakes for a while. This guy was my favourite:

He's a Malayan Mangroce Cat-Eye Snake. I think he's gorgeous. I also thing I have a thing for snakes. They're like nature's ropes.

There was maintenance work going on inside - some drilling or digging or something. Lots of noise. I found it unpleasant, and I'm not a creature whose entire experience of the world is through vibrations. I didn't stay long inside, and left straight after.

I'm not 100% certain that I would never get a snake as a pet. I was before the snake farm, but now I'm not sure.

On the way back to Siam, I saw the Jim Thompson store! I had to go inside and pay my respects to a true expatriot hero.

Thompson's business was selling Thai silk, so the entire store was silk scarves and shirts and other stuff. Expensive silk stuff - one shirt was $200. The cheapest thing I saw was a scrunchie for $40. I looked around for a while then left, richer for having experienced the life of a great man. Also richer for not having bought any of that tourist bait.

I went back to Siam and went book shopping. I had almost finished Growth Mindset and needed something else for the plane. I found this awesome bookshop:

It took up the whole floor, it was so big. It had the largest non-fiction section I'd ever seen. I spent an hour walking around looking at stuff. It was great. I love bookshops.

I bought Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius, a stoic philosophy book I've been meaning to read for ages. I also got The King in Yellow, by Robert W. Chambers. Lovecraft listed it as one of his influences, and I love spooky.

The coolest bit was that the clerk wrapped the two books in plastic to keep them safe. I thought that was a really cool idea, and I was impressed by how quickly she wrapped them - like 5 seconds each. I only noticed later that the plastic had the store's logo on it - even better, now I won't forget its name.

I went home via Thai KFC. I wanted to try it before I left. I knew it was a mistake going in. I always know that KFC is a mistake going in, but this was bad. Weak McDonald's style chips, boring chicken "pops". A waste of time, what with bonchon around the corner. I regret it immensely.

I went home and chilled out for a while - it's been a big week. I've walked a good 75km, according to my phone. I finished Growth Mindset and wrote some notes, listened to music, charged my phone, lazy stuff. Josh texted me and I met him at my station. We went back past Siam to a station near the tailor.

We got bonchon chicken for a late lunch/early dinner. It was great - best I've had in Thailand, and way better than the culinary abortion I had for lunch before. I distracted Josh with a game I've been playing :

It's a programming game, which is 100% Josh's thing. He hated it, but couldn't keep his hands off it. It's based on Assembly, a really old programming language. The first one, pretty much. It frustrated him because it wasn't like normal programming, but I thought it was a good challenge in thinking iteratively.

We walked to the tailor from bonchon. I cursed that I was going to be fat for the fitting. Josh could barely move - we got 18 pieces of chicken and he had 12 of them. I was still full from my mistake earlier.

On the way, I told Josh how frustrated I was with Bangkok's footpaths. There are lips and cracks and broken bits of concrete everywhere. Manhole covers that could drop you into a sewer if you're not careful. Just look at this:

That's a tame one. I've lost count of how many of these things I've tripped over. Or on trick edges to the footpath - step down onto the road, expect it to be level, nope there's another step down, don't you look smart. Or, walking down the steps from the skytrain, again, expect it to be level. Nope! It's on a raised platform, enjoy your trip, see you next fall.

Josh told me to not stand on the manholes.

We walked past some massage girls. I finally saw first hand what Josh has been talking about all week - they pretty much screamed at him. "hey handsome man," they'd say, and he'd say "no thank you," and they'd say "come over here sexy," and he'd say "no thanks". It looked uncomfortable for everyone involved.

I don't know if I Iook less approachable, less wealthy, less naive or less desperate, but none of them have reacted to me like that. Maybe it's because he's 6'3".

We got to the tailor. The suit was almost ready :

Looks awesome - the vest turned out exactly how I wanted it to. The tailor is going to courier it to the hotel tomorrow after some last minute changes. I hope.

We walked back to the skytrain, but the foot traffic was terrible. Peak hour in Bangkok is insane compared to Melbourne. We couldn't even get onto the platform last time we tried. So, we sat down at Starbucks and shot the shit for a while. I showed him my notes on Growth Mindset, and we argued about that a while. He talked about how he was going to do some of Bill's contract, then renegotiate. Seemed reasonable.

We headed home around 8 - our earliest night this week, but it's been a big one for both of us. Josh is moving to a new condo tomorrow. The train ride back was bittersweet - it's been a fun holiday. We both said while walking around that there's very few people either of us could hang out with for a full week without going crazy. He's probably coming back to Melbourne next month though, so it's not too bad.

I'm going to miss him when I head back. But I'm not going to miss much else. Bangkok is -

I guess I'll save my thoughts on the city for when I'm safely no longer in it.

I found this set of signs on the street today and it made me laugh: