#anyway my friends and sisters will be sooo easy i already know what im getting yay!

[pancakehouse]

going to the bookstore tonight to pick out all the little books im gifting my friends and family my absolute favorite part of christmas shopping im soooo excited teehee

[sugar-omi]

PLSSS I BEG OF U COVE HOLDEN X FEM!READER NEWLY MARRIED AND R JUST SO LOVEY DOVEY AND CANT GET ENOUGH OF EACH OTHER let me stop with the caps anyway as i was saying newly married cove and fem!reader on their honey moon to (insert place with nice oceans and views but you can take them anywhere you want) and they’re just sooo IN LOVE ITS DISGUSTING HOW IN LOVE THEY ARE you can add spice and intimacy if u want 🤷🏾❤️‼️

IM SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE THIS ITS BEEN SITTING IN THE DRAFTS FOREVER.... im gonna blame it on my demon cat, its his fault he always wants to play outside i wanted a cat not a dog wtf !!!!! anyway here you go anon i loved writing this sm bc i have been thinking abt honeymoon hcs for awhile mmm<3333 also i jus wanna say cove is very much a "grabs your stomachs n prbly shakes it" man, like yk how your boyfriend is always grabbing your stomach idk at first i thought it was weird like "wtf is he grabbing your stomach n shaking it" but now i know. n cove does it ok i wont explain it but he also rubs anywhere, hes tracing your body n making shapes w his fingers on you, hes just so TOUCHY eta: I JUST REALIZED THIS LIKE 70% SMUT BUT UM.... ANYWAY 😁😁i hope you like it anyway, also added a hc's i forgot at the v bottom <3333

tags : fluff, step 4/wedding dlc, fem/afab reader (could be okay for masc/amab/nb readers as well if you ignore cove calling you 'wife' once), buff tatted cove, headcanons at the very bottom below the nsfw

+ NSFW (at the bottom), fem/afab reader, rough raw sex, creampie, missionary, v horny cove <3

perhaps i should make a part 2 with all the times n places cove fucks you during your honeymoon, mmm thats a good idea write that down write that down

synopsis : you and cove on your honeymoon to the bahamas !!

surprise to literally no one, you two pick the Bahamas for your honeymoon

it wasn't a hard pick. it was just a matter of where had the nicest views, open hotels, and safest locations, and with how cove got more starry-eyed with each solidified detail, the Bahamas was your destination.

if it wasn't for the fact that you just had an eventful wedding full of love from friends and family, plus the plane trip, cove would've dropped everything and ran for the glittering water.

once you're checked in and changed from your flight clothes into something a bit more dressy but comfortable, you and cove make your way for some much anticipated dinner.

when you're seated, the silence between you two is so easy and filled by the bustle of the restaurant.

across from you, cove is watching you with his chin hiked atop his clasped fingers, easily looking like a puppy.

"what? what're you staring at?" you laugh, taking a dip if your drink to uselessly wash away your fluster at your husband's blatant staring.

cove already has a rosy tint to his cheeks and if he was younger cove would've caught fire at being caught staring. instead he just grinned cheerily and happily, with a gaze of a man sick with love. "just admiring my wife."

you can't help but tuck your head a bit, flustered by his direct compliment. God you're in for a long marriage.

thank god, you think distantly.. a lifetime of being flustered by each other no matter how long you're together doesn't sound to bad at all.

while you're eating, you two respond to your family blowing up the "[Last] - Holden family" group chat, that was so courteously made by your snickering sister and cousin leading up to your wedding.

after a lovely dinner (only after you reassured cove that you had a few days to try out everything on the menu before the trip was over) you two took a well deserved nap together with cove tucked into your neck and your fingers in his hair. <3

okay listen... would it be bad to say you planned your wedding around your honeymoon

there's a reason!!!

i imagine you and cove (mostly cove) wanted to rent a house on the beach, or at least close to it, but i imagine its hard to snag one so once you finally got a place the wedding just fell around it

while you're in the bedroom sleeping, recovering and recharging, cove still gets up early to go play around on the beach.

not without a fight though!

when he wakes up the sky is still navy, and he flips over, feeling antsy to start the day and your activities.

but there you are, laying next to him in one of his shirts that you've stolen and your face is still scrunched up a bit from cove's movement which makes him settle down.

cove reaches to stroke your cheek, running his hand over your hair and he admires the way your face relaxes from the touch...

he feels like kicking and screaming right now, now looking at his ring(s) and remembering that you're married and you're his and he's yours and...

he's going to bawl his eyes out again.

so instead of crying and watching you until you wake up, which definitely won't be for another hour or more at least, he slowly untangles himself from you and the sheets.

it kills him a bit to do so, wanting nothing more than to be close to you every second of the day but he also wants to make you feel special today. he also can't stay in bed that long, he's too much of a busybody to do that..

so when you finally wake up, after much struggle and a lot of stretching, you drag yourself from the bed and tame your wild hair before you find your husband.

cove is leaning on the porch overlooking the beach, a random song playing lowly on the radio that you left on last night.

he whips around when you tug open the sliding door and abandons his orange juice to pull you into his arms and cove's rocking you two back n forth, kissing your jaw and cheek and he's holding your hand and compliments you.

"you look so pretty..."

"nice ring, your husband is really lucky." he says it with a smirk and you both laugh.

when he finally snaps out of his daze, totally bewitched by the warmth of the sun, view of the beach accompanied by the sound of waves and the way you lean into him had cove in a trance.

he leads you over to the kitchen where he insists you sit and watch while he makes breakfast.

in the end, you do end up spending most the day at the beach house. so when lee shoots a series of text asking about your day and if you did anything, you respond with a picture of you two buried in the blankets and a christmas hallmark movie on the TV, you laugh at her spam about how you should be enjoying the sand and waves instead of a out of season movie and respond with a meme.

the next day you spend a lot of it outside, and i even imagine you rent a boat to take out for the day or smth like that and it reminds you of when lee took you all out on a boat, but this time it was just the 2 of you

let me just say.. everyone even 5 miles away can tell you're on your honeymoon

cove is always looking at you

whether its to see how you react to a good joke

or you're telling a story and he's watching in admiration at your mannerisms while you speak

or you're at the booth ordering ice cream for the both of you

or even better, he's trying his best to capture you imagine as you walk back to him, squeezing out your slip/coverup that blew away and you laugh at him for capturing this moment instead of helping you.

"stop laughing! haha, it's not funny! *swats at him with the coverup* im taking your shirt to cover up with!"

many many pictures and videos of your honeymoon. they're mostly of you

or your shared favorite:

you're on top of cove and his eyes are closed so he doesn't notice you're recording him.

"you've gotten more tan. y'know that reminds me of when we were kids, you had such bad tan lines!" you laugh, the camera shaking.

he squints at you, squeezing your hips when he realizes you're recording him. "i did not."

"you did, i saw it. you had different tan lines from your shorts!" you tease loudly and giggle, thinking about the varying darkness of teenage-cove's tan lines because of how some of his swim shorts and pants hung lower than the other bottoms he'd wear.

cove jumps up a bit, laughing as he sputtered. "you saw that?!"

"yeah! you were the one with your v-line hanging out all the time, mister "i don't like wearing layers'!"

his look is full of love, and so is cove's hands running up and down your hips and back. but he's still smug when he says it and the wide smirk on his face makes you wanna kiss it off him.

"well you were the one looking, i didn't hear any complaints.."

you hit his shoulder, "you're so smug, you brat!", the camera shaking from your laughter.

cove is very handsy during this time

something about being married now has him seeking you out and keeping some form of contact between you

whether its holding hands, locking arms, or kissing you in public

he's always pulling you into him, wrapping a arm around your waist...

but when you're at the beach house.. well i hope you keep the curtains closed for the most part especially in the bedroom because clothes are pretty optional/limited during your honeymoon

usually cove's sex drive is pretty average, or low (i feel like at this point his drive matches yours but it's always a little lower depending on how high yours is, but thats for a different post okok)

so it surprises you how.. horny he is

he surprises himself too honestly

but he just wants to be close to you so bad!

you look so beautiful, and so happy... and now you're married and its like when he was a teenager all over again

the sun is coming through the windows, warming up your naked back.

you hum, enjoying the warmth and you feel the bed shift and now there's lips on your forehead, and cove's hand is running up and down your spine, rubbing soothingly across your shoulders.

"g'morning, y/n..." cove's gravely voice sends a shiver down your spine. "mmm, hi.." you tilt your head to the side, letting him kiss your cheek and the back of your neck.

you peak at him, still sleepy but enjoying the warmth and attention. you try to stretch your body, stretching out your legs and with how cove is leaned over you, your butt brushes against him and makes him gasp, his fingers squeezing your shoulder reflexively.

"at least let me brush my teeth..." you laugh, sitting up and after a second of looking at your clothes on the floor, you grab the robe on the chair beside you and lazily wrap it around you and shuffle to the bathroom.

cove is looking at you, you can feel his gaze and the second you disappear behind the door you hear him shuffling around before he comes behind you, dressed in nothing. cove didn't walk around naked often, only if he was walking around your bedroom finding his clothes for the day, but man was it a treat.

he wraps his arms around you, his hand rubbing your stomach and the other is wandering.

"c'mere..." you mumble, grabbing cove's toothbrush and sitting on the counter to brush his teeth for him. he lets you, and you laugh throughout the process because its a funny thing to do but you get through it and he spits in the other sink beside you before he picks you up and carries you back to bed.

on your way back to the bed, your lips find his shoulder and you add onto the array of marks already bloomed on his neck.

cove lays you down on the bed, shuffling your bodies closer to the pillows, tugging off your robe as you fumble around and throwing it somewhere. you're definitely making him clean up the room after this, but first..

you bring him in, letting your tongues tangle together and cove stretches his arm, looking for the lube and a rubber.

"ah-" cove sits up, and he looks back at you sheepishly. "there's no more.. um..."

you grin, already looking forward to cove's reaction. "that's okay. just fuck me raw, won't be the last time. right, covey?" you tangle your fingers in the sheets and get comfortable while you watch it sink in.

it isn't the first time, but fuck it always turns cove on and it makes him impossibly horny.

cove curses and he moves down, pushing your legs up and he kisses your inner thighs, sucking on the skin very close to your cunt that his cheek brushes against you and you whine, your hands finding his hair.

cove teases you a bit more, but he's teasing himself too so his mouth happily finds your cunt, grinning at the way you jump when his tongue runs over your sensitive clit.

even though cove ran a pleasurable train over you last night, your cunt sensitive but still pulsing with need.

your leg is shaking in cove's hold, his hand holding up one of your legs to give him easy access to your wet cunt but he happily lets your other leg shake on his shoulder, your foot bumping against his side and toes curling as he thrusts his tongue in and out your twitching insides.

he kept tongue-fucking you, his thumb petting your clit and he mumbled praises against your cunt as you came, your slick pooling on his tongue.

you buried your face in the pillow, always left twitching after cove sucks your soul from your body. you peak at cove spreading the lube on your sexes, lining himself up and sinking into you.

"ah fuck..."

cove looks so attractive like this, sunlight streaming in through the sheer curtains and leaned over you, shaded by the broad expanse of his torso and caged between his arms.

"cove!" your nails dig into his shoulders, your mouth falling open with a sharp moan when cove snaps his hips, burying himself inside you.

cove tucks his head into your shoulder, both of you panting and pulling each other closer even though the air between you two is balmy and hot.

"i'm gonna move..." cove kisses your jaw, tearing himself away from you to show you his flushed face. you whine when cove picks up your lower body, stuffing a pillow under you and the movement makes his tip bump your insides.

cove throws your legs over his shoulders and grips your hips in his hands, kissing your ankle that has your anklet hanging on it.

you throw your head back and moan loudly, cove starting a rough pace from the beginning.

you're so sensitive from last night, and cove abusing your insides again has tears coming to your eyes. "oh fuck! please, cove-"

you reach for him and cove offers his hand and intertwines it with yours. you don't know exactly what you're asking for, for him to be more gentle? a kiss? for cove to fuck you harder?

you just want more of him, to be closer, to be one with him...

"its okay, that's it.. good girl." cove shushes you, putting his free hand by your head to lean over you, your legs almost flush with your chest as cove practically mounts you.

something about the sharpness of cove's eyes and his flushed face makes you want to mess with him, so you bring his hand up to your mouth, wrapping your fingers around his tattooed wrist and sucking on his middle and ring finger.

cove groans, watching the way your tongue slides around his wedding band(s). "you.." cove pushes on your tongue, thrusting his hips up to bump against the spongy spot deep inside your cunt.

your eyes roll into the back of your head when cove picks up the pace again, his hips rolling back and slamming against your butt hard, making your body bounce, pushing his cock deeper against your walls.

while you're moaning and crying out so sweetly, cove squeeze's his hand between your bodies to rub your clit, the proximity of your bodies not leaving much room for anything more than tight circles against the poor sensitive nub.

"cove.." you huff, feeling your cunt gush more slick and adding to the wet, loud squelching. "cove, kiss me, please. oh fuck- oh fu-" cove's lips cut off your mindless babbles, muffling yours and his loud moans as he fucks you with shallow thrusts.

he breaks apart, panting and stealing small kisses in between his sentence. "i'm- *kiss* oh god- i'm gonna *kiss, kiss* cum.."

you whimper and hook your shaking leg around cove's back, the overstimulation makes you want to pull away but you're so close and you want cove to make you cum, and to finish with you. to finish inside you.

"cum inside!" your nails scratch down his back. "please, cum, cum inside-"

cove whines into your neck, the rhythm of his thrusts falling apart as he comes closer to finishing. he rubs faster circles on your clit, and when your fingers drag down his back as you cum, cove's hips push your body deeper into the bed as he fills your cunt with his thick cum.

he leans lifelessly over your body, panting into your neck and pressing kisses into your shoulder as he sits up to give you a kiss.

"i'll..i'll run us a bath, okay?" cove smiles dozily, stroking your hips. you blink, trying to regain your vision from your orgasm.

"and carrying me to the bath!" cove nods at that, accepting the fact he's basically rendered your legs useless for the morning. "and you're making breakfast too." you grin at him. "its punishment."

cove kisses your cheeks. "mm, trying out new methods?" cove teases.

you smack his arm and push him away, breath hitching when he pulls out.

cove watches out his cum starts to leak from your poor, twitching cunt and before he can get any bright ideas you put your foot on his shoulder and nudge him. "stop looking!" you tug the sheets over you and cove gets up with a sheepish laugh. "okay, okay!"

is very very whipped for you

does anything n everything you ask the whole trip

when he goes out and it comes up somehow, he'll tell anyone and everyone he's on his honeymoon w his lovely spouse <3

if you do any underwater activities like snorkeling or smth, you're holding hands underwater <333

yes you hold hands everywhere you go, he's so in love with you he just has to be close to you

if you're not holding hands than he's trailing very close behind you or you're at least wearing his shirt

MATCHING OUTFITS

every young person is ither inspired by your relationship or is sick of seeing you at the beach, go HOME

the old people love you and talk your ear off in the middle of the store, telling you stories of their marriages and tips on how to have a long happy marriage

when you tell them you're childhood friends/lovers though they laugh and tell you you already have it down then since you've known each other so long!

when you finally get on the plane to go home, i hope you rmbr to get some foundation or at least tell cove to wear his hair down and a t-shirt instead of a tank top because his neck and back/shoulders are Marked Up

liz and lee tease you about how glowy and refreshed you look <3

cove is very flustered if any of your friends or family see any marks or scratches

or even worse if someone asks if you had a good wedding night, etec

if you want to have kids n give birth, liz also jokes that shes too young to be a grandma for real (you sputter n tell her you and cove arent her kids n shes exaggerating!!)

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 9

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -3.9k. -this may look like a love triangle but ill do my best not to turn it into one. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- IF YOU WANT TO BE NOTIFIED WHEN THIS IS UPDATED, I THOUGHT I COULD START A TAG LIST SO LET ME KNOW. IF YOU’D RATHER ME NOTICED IN PRIVATE, MESSAGE ME TOO PLEASE!

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 9 : Her chapter

Olivia

We left at the end of the afternoon and we had to go with three different cars because of how many of us were going. I was a bit stressed to spend a few days with many people I barely knew but I was trying to convince myself it was a great way to actually get to know them, even if I knew I was mostly the kind of person who'd stick with the friends she already had and follow them everywhere. I also knew Harry and Niall would most likely chat with everyone and i'd have to settle in as well as I could.

I was stuck in a car with Harry, his sister Gemma, and Maya, making me wonder exactly why she was not in the same car as Niall, who was riding with Liam and Julie. In the last car, Louis was driving his girlfriend Eleonor, his sister Lottie and El's best friend Max, whom I was seeing for the first time. I didn't know the girls well but I had a few conversations with them and, if i wanted to be honest, I sort of really wanted them to accept me. It was fun hanging out with boys but I missed the company of girls sometimes, and I felt like discussing with these girls could be helpful, especially in my situation.

Gemma had proposed i'd sit in the front seat next to Harry and I suspected her to know about the weird relationship between her brother and I. It was getting to the point where it was becoming awkward because everyone knew about it even if nothing had happened yet. It's not that I didn't want to, because I did, but knowing it was threatening my friendship with Niall was stressful to me. Why did I have to choose between them?

"You okay?" Harry whispered, glancing at me with a frown.

He seemed genuinely worried and I liked that side of him that took care of me and always wanted to make sure I was at ease.

"Mmhm, yes."

The truth was, I kept glancing at the backseat where Maya was sitting. I didn't understand why Niall was interested in Heidi, but I could totally understand why he wanted to have sex with Maya. Not only was she gorgeous, but she also seemed kind and smart. It annoyed me more than I wanted to admit and I was extremely jealous of everything she was. I never enjoyed having any kind of attention focused on me except when it came to Niall and just admitting that to myself made me grimace.

I felt Harry's hand on my shoulder and my eyes found his again. Clearly, he had interpreted my grimace while looking at Maya as hatred or at least strong dislike because his fingertips brushed down my arm and grabbed my hand, giving it a quick but tight squeeze before he intertwined them with my fingers. It took me by surprise and I felt my heart jump in my chest. I suddenly realized we were parked and when I looked at the mirror again, I noticed we were alone in the car.

"I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have invited her." he apologized, staring at me.

I felt my lips curl and shook my head slightly. I didn't want him to think I was mad at him or disappointed, and I surely didn't want him to think I had harsh feelings toward Maya. It was no one's fault but mine, and it was also my problem.

"No, she's cool." I said with a shrug as my eyes found her outside, chatting with Gemma. "And... hot."

"Is she?" he smiled, his eyes never leaving me. "I didn't notice."

This time, I burst into laughter and his smile grew. I was pretty sure even blind people could see how hot she was and thinking that a guy like Harry wouldn't have noticed wasn't only laughable, it was also impossible.

"Alright, i'm gonna have to wear a shirt 'i'm with stupid' when you're around."

"I'll gladly be your stupid."

I looked up at him again but my smile turned into a fond one. It was such a Harry thing to say and I liked it. I held my breath when I saw his gaze travel to my lips and without thinking, I licked them.

"You're pretty, you know that, right?" Harry asked in a whisper, his eyes roaming on my face.

No, I didn't. No, I was not. But I decided not to answer at all. I could feel my cheeks burn and I swallowed, tilting my head. I was speechless but I couldn't hide that I enjoyed the way he was looking at me, and how it seemed like I was the most important person in the room, no matter who else was present. It was just something Harry did that made it easy to be around him.

"Come on, people will start talking." I pointed out with a quick head movement.

"Let them." he just replied but still got out of the car a few seconds after I did.

We joined everyone who were either looking inside the lodge by the sliding door, or checking the amazing view of the lake from the patio. I pushed both my hands deep in my pockets and followed Harry as he took out the keys and unlocked the door. Someone rushed to the bathroom while some others walked through the halls, picking up a room. Everyone seemed busy around us but Harry turned to me and this time, sent me a shy smile.

"Look, I understand if you refuse, and please feel at ease to say no, but I thought maybe, we could share a room?"

I felt my heart jump up my throat, threatening to come out, but I pretended it didn't affect me. It's not that I didn't want to share a room with Harry but I was convinced it was a bad idea. I looked around and my eyes found Niall, who was bringing his bags with him. I waited until he was closer and when he noticed me, he sent me a smile and walked up to us.

"Hey, did you pick a room already? I'd like to drop me stuff." he asked, making the stress fade from my whole body all at once. "Any is fine, i'm not picky."

Niall was very picky but I kept that comment to myself and shrugged to Harry gently before turning back to my best friend again.

"Not yet, pick the one you prefer."

He felt the awkwardness as his eyes moved from me to Harry and then back at me. He finally just nodded and disappeared in the hall as I turned back to Harry.

"Sorry, I just sort of told Niall..." it was a lie. "Actually, we never really ask, we just assume that we're in the same room. It's just how it is."

I had to be honest with Harry. He was aware of the kind of relationship Niall and I had, but I also wanted him to know that Niall would always remain my best friend, no matter what. At least, that's what I hoped for.

"Hey, it's okay, I understand." he quickly added. "You share a room with Niall, and it's too soon anyway. Maybe an other time."

My mind instinctively tried to pair people and I felt nauseous. Who exactly would end up sharing a room with Harry? Would it be Maya? And If I had decided to be with Harry, would she share a room with Niall? The worst was that I had no idea which scenario would bother me the most.

"I think I may be alone in a room, actually." he explained, looking around and analyzing everyone, trying to match them in his head. "I thought about my sister but clearly, she's getting along very well with Maya."

I noticed the two girls laughing together, sitting on the couch, and without thinking, I let out a sigh of relief, making Harry chuckle. I turned back to him and felt embarrassed. He knew what I had been thinking and now I just wanted to sink into the floor and never reappear.

"You can always come in my room if you want to hang out or talk or anything."

I was about to answer something when Louis walked past us and put one of his hands on my shoulder.

"You have to see the pool." he let out, making me chuckle low. "We're all going right now."

"Man, my swimming suit is in my bags somewhere."

Louis sent me a cheeky smile and I frowned slightly. I was not going to like his idea, I could feel it.

"You don't need it. Panties and bra is enough." he pointed out. "It's okay if they don't match, love, no one's gonna look."

He paused and his eyes moved to Harry before looking back at me with an even bigger smile.

"Well, almost no one."

I brought my arms closer to me and crossed them over my chest, bringing my shoulders up and close to my cheeks. I didn't know why but his comment made me suddenly self-conscious but he left before I could say anything.

"Hey, you alright?" Harry asked, brushing his fingertips against one of my arms and making me jump a bit while a shiver crossed my back.

"Oh, yea, i'm good."

I stared at my feet a few seconds until I heard Harry tell me to follow him. We walked to the backyard and I noticed most people were already in the swimming pool. It was a very hot summer evening and I looked up at the sun slowly setting. I wanted to get in but I didn't want to undress and when I heard the sound of water splash near me, I saw Harry emerge, pushing his hair away from his face. His eyes found mine and he smiled, raising his eyebrows. I knew he wanted me to join him but I hated this situation. All the girls present had amazing bodies and I was well aware I didn't compare and never would. It was not only my weight that bothered me, but also all the imperfections on my skin that none of them seemed to have.

I breathed in and took my converse off along with my socks and quickly, I did the same with my pants, sitting on the side of the pool and sliding my legs in the water. It was cold and I shivered again. It was a miracle I had taken my pants off but I was definitely going to keep my shirt on. I knew no one was really looking at me or judging me but I was so tensed I almost screamed when once again, I felt Harry's fingers against my knee. I thought he was going to ask me why I didn't take my shirt off but he simply moved between my legs and looked up at me with a smile.

"So, how do you like it here?"

"I didn't visit every room but the view is perfect." I stated with a smile before I realized I was staring at him.

His lips curled into a cheeky grin and he raised his eyebrows.

"Thank you."

I opened my mouth to argue and correct myself but stopped immediately and pressed my lips back together. He did look perfect, I didn't need to take back my statement at all. We stared at each other for a while and I finally smiled at him.

"You're welcome."

He laughed, this time putting his whole hand on my knee and making my whole body throb. The sensation spread all over me as I looked at his palm pressed on my skin, warming me completely. It made me realize how bad I actually wanted Harry to touch me and I felt my cheeks turn red at the thought. I heard his phone and turned my head to look at his pants, laying next to me with the rest of his clothes, except his boxers that he was still wearing to swim. I reached for them and took the phone out, handing it to him. Quickly, he wiped his hands on his shirt and grabbed the phone from my hands, letting a low 'hello' in the receiver. The chat was short and he walked away from me, using the stairs to get out of the pool right before out eyes met. He sent me a sorry face and showed me his forefinger, letting me know it wouldn't be too long before finally disappearing inside.

I exhaled and closed my eyes, thinking about the way his fingers had moved gently on me and about how bad I wanted him to touch me again. It made me realize that I hadn't done anything sexual in so long, not even kissing, and I missed it. I missed feeling close to someone even if, I had to admit, the flirting was quite fun, too.

I breathed in deeply and dared to open my eyes again, the sight making me hold my breath again. Niall was facing me and leaning against the other side of the pool. He looked amazing. His wet hair falling on his forehead was almost long enough to hide one of his eyes and he put his hands behind himself, on the side of the pool, to push his body up. I felt like everything was in slow motion when my eyes traveled from his wet chest down to his boxers. They were sticking to his thighs but the waist band was low, his v-line was apparent, and I had a hard time looking away from the obvious bulge it was showing.

I swallowed my lust but also the guilt I felt as I stared at my best friend. I had thought about Niall this way very often and it was clearly not the first time I was seeing him almost naked, but the feelings I had for him were amplifying no matter how hard I was trying to suppress them. I hated myself and I was so mad  I couldn't control it that I closed my eyes again, but the image of Niall moving out of the pool in slow motion was torturing me behind my eyelids like it was engraved on my retina forever. I groaned after a few seconds and opened my eyes, quickly getting up. My heart stopped in my chest when I almost bumped into him and I sighed of relief.

"Shit, you scared me." I admitted, my eyes fluttering open.

"Where are you going?"

I looked in his eyes but he was frowning and I couldn't help but wonder if he had noticed the way I was looking at him.

"I'm just... I'm a bit tired." I lied. "I think i'm gonna nap until dinner."

"Where's Harry?"

My eyes fell on his wet chest and I grimaced at the feeling it was giving me. When my gaze met his again, I realized he probably thought my grimace was an answer to his question.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "Someone called him and he left."

I knew he had many questions to ask but I didn't want him to talk. I had always thought that having sex with Niall would ruin our friendship but at that exact moment, I wanted it more than I thought I ever would. More than I should.

"I'm sorry, did you plan on sharing a room with him and I ruined it again?"

"Mm?"

I tried to focus on his words but the way my body was throbbing was distracting me and I cleared my throat as he raised his eyebrows.

"No, no." I denied with a shrug and a small smile. "I didn't want to share a room with Harry. We haven't even kissed yet I mean, sharing a bed seems like a big step."

I knew he was about to answer something but I quickly cut him. I didn't want to talk about Harry at this moment, and I didn't know how long I could stay close to Niall without exploding.

"I'm sorry." I quickly added. "I'm really tired. I'll see you at dinner yea? Keep me a spot next to you."

Without waiting for his answer, I walked inside, leaving my pants on the side of the pool and rushing to the hall, cursing mentally when I remembered I had no idea which room Niall had picked for us. I checked a few and finally saw his bag in one, sighing when I noticed there was only one bed. Of course, I was used to sleeping in the same bed as my best friend but for some odd reason, the intimacy was scaring me a bit at this point.

I closed the door behind me and sat on the bed, rubbing both of my hands on my face a few times. I had always been in love with Niall for as long as I could remember and I did lust him but why was it hitting me so hard when I was surrounded by people and when I was so close to have a real boyfriend. It felt like the love I have for my best friend was fighting against the potential relationship I clearly could develop with Harry.

I sighed loud and took place in the middle of the bed, leaning against the pillows. The bed was comfortable and I knew I would have no problem falling asleep in it but the throbbing was now localized between my legs and I was well aware it wouldn't leave before I did something about it. I was also bothered by the thought of Niall in the pool and I just wanted this image to leave my mind.

Reluctantly, I brought my hand up and slipped it in my panties. It felt awkward to do that in a house full of my friends and in a room I didn't know but it was stronger than me. I slipped two fingers on my slit and twitched at the feeling when the tips brushed against my clit. When was the last time someone touched me? When was the last time I touched myself? It was not so easy to do it on tour with a bunch of guys who were not always familiar with the word 'privacy' and since I came back, I had spent all my time with Niall. It was definitely a few weeks ago. As for the last time someone actually touched me, I couldn't remember at all.

"Oh my god." I whispered, already feeling close to an orgasm after only a minute or two.  "Fuck."

I should have seen it coming, but I didn't. I should have locked the door, but I didn't. And when it flung open, I jumped in bed exactly as the same time as my heart jumped on my chest.

"Shit, i'm sorry!"

"Holy fucki-hell!"

I tried to get up but one of my feet got stuck in the sheets of the bed and I fell down, the carpet fortunately softening my falling. I remained laying on the floor, my eyes closed, an other kind of throbbing sensation invading me. This time, I was embarrassed in a way I had never been in my life. I knew Niall was on the other side of the bed, waiting for me to get up, but I didn't want to face him, at least not now.

"Liv? Are you okay?"

He was a few seconds away from getting close to check if I was hurt and the thought scared me.

"I'm fine!" I quickly replied. "Please, leave!"

Silence. A heavy silence that seemed to last an hour.

"I'm so.. look, i'm so sorry, I should have knocked." he tried explaining. "I just didn't want to wake you up and-"

"It's fine!" I cut him again, talking a bit too loud. "Now could you please just leave?"

"Mm, yea, i'll just... grab a few things..."

I heard him grab his bag and unzip it, rummaging through it probably to find clean and dry clothes. I closed my eyes and shook my head, knowing I should have anticipated that and hating myself for not expecting it. What was I thinking, masturbating while so many people could just walk in on me?

"Okay, I'm leaving, I'll let you finish-."

This time, he stopped talking himself and let out a short chuckle at his own words.

"I mean, i'll let you nap." he rectified himself. "I'm really sorry Liv."

When I heard the door close behind him, I groaned and hit my head a few times on the floor, feeling the carpet rub slightly on my forehead. I was an idiot and I had no idea how i'd be able to look at Niall again. I breathed in and tried to reason myself and rationalize what had happened. Niall was my best friend and something so futile, even if extremely humiliating, could never break out friendship. Proof was, I had caught him masturbating too when we were young and it didn't change anything between us. In fact, it had probably brought us even closer, and I could only hope this incident was going to do the same thing.

I sighed again to give me some courage and got up only to let myself fall back in the bed. I pushed on the sheets with my feet and rolled a bit, pulling the covers and bringing them over me. I was about to fall asleep when I heard someone knock at the door. My heart jumped in my chest when I thought it was probably Niall and I kept quiet until the person knocked again.

"Olivia?"

I recognized Harry's low and soft voice and my lips curled while my stress fell.

"Come in." I answered in a whisper.

The light from the hall was now on and it made a halo glow around him. That thought made me smile and he walked closer, handing me my phone and my pants. I grabbed them and thanked him, tilting my head on the side. I knew Niall had not told him what had happened but I couldn't help to feel embarrassed anyway.

"Thanks, Harry."

"No problem." he answered in a breath. "Are you hungry? I made pastas."

The more I looked at him, the lighter I felt. I couldn't stay locked in this room forever anyway, I had to go there and talk with people, that was part of why I actually came here. I nodded and sent him an other smile.

"Thanks, give me five minutes and i'll be there."

He took a step back and nodded, his lips curled in a large smile.

"Take your time, no rush." he just said. "I'll keep you a place next to me."

I opened my lips to answer but he had already turned around and closed the door behind himself. It was the second time in only a few hours that I seemed to be stuck between Harry and Niall and I hated to choose, but I had the feeling it would happen a lot more and If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that I didn't want to pick between them. I wanted them both in my life. I was just scared it would result in losing both.

[fairycosmos]

3/ like im talking to someone haha. Please dont respond if i made u feel idk uncomfortable or if u just dont feel like it! I always come see your blog and honestly you are my favorite person, you just feel safe and kind and like and actual angel kfhwkf ok i'll stop ilu bye 💞

hey love. i can relate to a LOT of what you said. im obviously not a doctor at all, but so much of what you described sounds like you're suffering from clinical depression or another form of mental illness. the impact of this can not be understated. it's easy to write off health issues that aren't physical, but your overall well-being depends on more than that. the symptoms are usually seriously exacerbated by staying inside all day every day, and by not relying on your support system (even if it's small.) and i totally get what that's like. it gets to the point where you have no accurate perception, everything just sort of feels genuinely hopeless even though in reality, that's never the case. but your brain will use your feelings of emptiness/sadness to truly convince you that it is. like, you think you only have 1 friend because of the way you are, right? but in reality, early adulthood is a fucking lonely place to be, since you no longer have school as a way of meeting people. it is sooo common to find yourself in periods of solitude when figuring out who you want to be. im not saying its not allowed to hurt, but it's not something to feel guilty over. anyway hating yourself because you're depressed and being depressed cause you hate yourself is a completely vicious cycle, and it is not your fault. i want to tell you that it is honestly natural to not know what you want from life at 22. you're just getting acquainted with adulthood, you don't have the experience to be self assured, and the world's already acting like you should have it figured out. 🙄 but one thing ive learned from observing my older sister and her friends is that none of them feel like they understand or like they're doing great. a lot of people in our age bracket are simply doing what they can to get through the day. because that is enough .there are no set milestones that you have to reach by X year in order to find future happiness, ok? what matters more, imo, is looking at what you can do right now to help break the cycle you're in. even if you don't want to. it all with taking care of yourself, everything else follows after. for me it was literally just washing my face and brushing my teeth every day. then building a loose outline of a routine. baby steps are very necessary and progress doesn't have to be fast or linear, but trying is always the point. if you have to rework your uni schedule then so be it. your mental health always comes before your education. i know thats easier in theory than in practice buy you need to look after yourself in order to find the motivation to attend your classes properly, and that will always be the bottom line.

more importantly though, i really think you need to talk to a professional about this. please don't ignore the idea, please don't give in to self destruction. if you're worried about the price, maybe you could research some cost effective resources in your area? there's often support groups, or community centers that may be able to refer you, or your uni may have a counseling system to offer....i know it's a lot of effort when all you want to do is hide. and im not saying it'll solve everything immediately. but talking to someone who is equipped to help you deal with the bad days AND who can help you identify the root causes of what's going on - well that can make a massive difference. medication may also be necessary, and very helpful. all of these options can make the future feel less daunting, and more like an enigma that is simply going to unfold as it should. talking and letting it all out can really give you a different perspective. it's ok to process negative emotions and to feel like giving up sometimes, but having the tools to know how to cope is what is going to allow you to find the sustainable 'okayness' that you're looking for. i understand that it's difficult, like beyond words difficult. but you are not doomed in the way you think you are. you're just young, you need support and you haven't lived the answers to your problems yet. so even if you just begin with calling a mental health hotline or talking to a friend/family member, or just considering it at least, then i really think that'll be a step in the right direction. it can seem sort of scary, but it's not as scary as suffering in silence and allowing this to get worse. especially because you don't have to. you're not alone. you may feel isolated, but you don't have to handle this all by yourself, love. anyway i don't want this to get too long but i hope you know that despite how much it hurts, there is always a way for everyone, including you. and you do deserve to create a wonderful life for yourself, even if you don't believe so. please think about what you need and curating your daily routine around reaching small goals that will make you feel better/get you out of your head. im absolutely rooting for you!! let me know if you need a friend. also thank you so much for sticking around on my blog dbdghfz im 😳😳 you're truly a sweetheart and i appreciate it so much. can't believe u like this shitshow but ily ❤️💘

[sabine-leo]

A smile to remember

Author: @sabine-leo

Chapter: 13 /?  

Genre: Fluff, Humor, Romance

Special Guests: Benedict Cumberbatch, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans & Robert Downey Jr.

Note: THANK YOU so much for all your lovely comments!! You really made my day (and night) I hope you like this chapter too!!! 

Chapter 13 

His appearance almost knocked you of your feet. You got hot and cold flashes but you weren’t the only one having trouble to process what was in front of you! Tom was wearing a well-cut black suit with a tie and a white dress shirt. He looked as if he´d fallen out of a best dressed magazine. Only his face was not picture perfect in its state of shock. Ben seemed to think otherwise as he took a picture of him. Laughing tears with Chris joining him.

“Oh this is good, this is sooo good!”

 Tom shook out of his stupor first. Making long strides to cover the distance between you. His voice was hoarse as he said your name. 

“(Y/N)…You are here!” he declared and the shock turned into a blissful smile.  It seemed to be the theme of the evening. You could only nod…again.

Tom took you in his arms and hugged you very close.

“I can´t believe you pulled that stunt on me!” He laughed and leaned back to look into your eyes.

“Oh darling, you look stunning! It´s so good to see you in person again!”

 Toms hands tried to stay clear of your naked back but for a single chaste stroke down your spine with his index finger.  You had quite an audience and Tom blushed a little as some catcalls came his way. “Let me introduce you first, and then I think I need a drink!” he laughed and hugged you one last time. Your body seemed to fall apart on the inside. Your heart beating out of your chest and your legs wobbly and unsure. But all that didn´t matter as you saw the look on Toms face again.

He was really happy to see you.

 Talk about starstruck. You met a lot of his co workers in just under half an hour. After your initial speechlessness you composed yourself, thanks to Tom standing next to you and starting of conversations. Soon you got more relaxed and actually could enjoy the meetings. All of his co stars you met were kind and nice and fairly normal to talk to. The party got off to a great start.

 As Tom had to talk to a producer you went over to Sarah and sat next to her. She grinned and said “Thanks for helping me out, this was so much fun to watch!” You laughed with her and relaxed for a moment at not having the attention of those big shots in Hollywood. The official part was over quickly and the party started to get more relaxed and fun. The dance floor was opened and the bar was busy. Seemed as if everybody was happy to let go of the stress they´d had the last couple of weeks.

 Tom was whisked away quite a bit from all different people, but when he was with you, he smiled and touched you chastely almost every chance he got. Some people joined you and Sarah, watching the shenanigans going on. Chris and Bens wife’s for example. You had a good talk with them and laughed at the story’s they told about their husbands and Tom.

 Somewhere in between Chris whisked his wife away for a dance. And the empty chair next to you was soon occupied by Chris Evans.

“Oh no!” Sarah declared. “That look on his face… he´s up to no good!” she laughed.

But before she could warn you further Chris took your hand and said

“Hi, wanna dance? We got introduced earlier and I seem to be the only one who hasn’t got a partner to dance around here. Tom still got his sister.. so…” He grinned and you had no time to answer before he whirled you of your chair and onto the dancefloor.

 In that moment, Tom sat down next to his sister, watching what was happening.

“Evans, I swear one day I will get revenge!” Sarah laughed and leaned her head on his shoulders.

“It´s good to see you again brother. Even when you are annoyed with your co-stars.”

Tom laughed and kissed his sisters head. “Thank you for being here and bringing (Y/N) with you. I missed you…even though you are playing pranks on me.”

 You couldn´t believe it, but you had fun dancing with Chris. It was a fast dance and he just spun you around before dancing opposite of you. Soon you were joined by the other Chris, his wife and Ben. Robert Downey Jr cheering at the men on a microphone he took over from the DJ. Evans began to play dirty and motioned as if taking of his shirt and giving you a lap dance

 “I think it´s time for me to join them!” Tom declared and stood up. “Excuse me.”

Sarah giggled and nodded.

 As Tom entered the dancefloor you looked into his eyes. Crying for help but laughing. But then again, his gaze was so intent that you didn´t know what would unease you more. Evans giving you an eyeful of a dance or standing in front of Tom who looked as if he wanted to…yeah, what was that look on his face exactly?

 “And here he is. Tom Snake Hips Hiddleston!!” RDJ announced into the microphone.

“Evans, you got company! I´ll help you out my boy! Tom, get ready for a dance off!”

But Tom just laughed at RDJ and took your hand

“Excuse us Evans, but she´s here with me, can´t let you have her all for your own.”

Chris laughed and faced Tom off.

“You were busy, so I took my chance.” Tom grinned and said

“Ok, let her chose the next dance partners.”

“That’s unfair Hiddleston you know she´ll choose you. You´re friends!”

Tom laughed. “Exactly”

 You didn´t know what got into you but you said.

“Actually. I would like you two to dance together and make up. I need a break!” As the music was killed somewhere in between everybody heard that.

“Oh! I like her!” RDJ announced and started to play a slow song. 

“Hug it out boys!”

 Toms eyes grew wide but he laughed out loud, throwing his head back. “I really missed you!”

“You sure about that? she’s mean!” Evans asked him but grinned.

“You are not getting a lap dance Hiddleston!” He declared but started to slow dance with Tom anyhow. For about 10 seconds…then Tom cut himself loose and was in front of you again.

“Help me out for once?!” he grinned and took you in his arms, starting to dance with you.

You went willingly and smiled up on him

“Sorry, that was too easy a tease to waste.”  

Tom just shook his head laughing and the both of you slow danced for 30 seconds.

“Sorry folks, it´s a party, not a snoozefest!” RDJ hollered and faster music came on again.

 Tom let go of you and took your hand in his. “Let´s go outside for a bit.” The smile on his lips was so lovely you just nodded in adoration. Everywhere were people but you found a relatively quiet spot to sit down. The sparks you had seen in his eyes as he had come for you on the dancefloor were gone. He was just content to have you near him and talk to you. As you were too. You sat close to each other and talked about everything that came to mind. Until you were joined by his friends again and the conversation got side-tracked in favour of some fun with the others.

It really was a great Party, you had fun and couldn´t help to smile at all the memories you made that night. In the wee morning hours the party came to an end and you walked back to your room.

Tom by your side and a drunken Evans behind you.

“This is me.” You said and keyed open your door.

Evans grunted “Ha! next door is mine. But I think it’d be willing to share yours as I can´t find my key…” Tom rolled his eyes and ushered you inside your room, following you inside and closing the door...in front of Evans nose

“Hey.. that´s rude Hiddleston, I can´t sleep in the hall!”

Tom sounded playfully exasperated as he said “The key is in your hand Evans!”

“Oh!” was a happy response and you heard shuffling.

Tom looked at you “I´m so sorry, but I had to take action, otherwise he would be snoring on your bed already.” You laughed and touched his arm “It´s fine, really. Better that way as if you just had pushed me in and closed the door in my face without saying good night!”

Tom looked nauseated “I would never do such a thing!”

“I know Tom, hence it´s totally fine that you came in.”

You were standing in front of each other in that little hallway to your room, leaning at a wall each. “So I guess this is good night then…” Tom said and looked in your eyes.

“More like good morning, but I’m tired anyway.”

Tom laughed, leaned in and placed a kiss on your cheek. “Sleep well (Y/N)”

“You too Tom!” You stroked down his arm that had taken a hold on your hip.

 With a little sigh he opened the door. “See you later?”

“Of course.”

 A knock sounded at a locked joining door to the other room.

“Hey there, can I come over?!” it was Evans voice.

Toms eyes darkened a moment before he looked at you.

“That´s it, take what you need with you, you´re sleeping in my room!”

 There was no room for discussion in his eyes and voice.

Note: A gif was asked for for the moment he sees you :) I think something like would fit :) 

Taglist: @theoneanna @shegatsby @wabisabigrl @everything-is-awesomesauce @drakesfiance @spoopyfoxxtropical @yokaimoon @kjjazzy23

If you want to be added just holler :) 

[ruffiorocks]

Kelly Olsen and Kara’s secret

Sooo i’ve been thinking about what the character of Kelly Olsen is going to bring to Supergirl. All we know so far is she’s James’ sister, has a large heart and joined the military in order to pay for medical school. Having recently been discharged, she is now finishing her training to become a psychiatrist. (from IMDb) 

So a lot of people are speculating that she will be Alex’s new love interest. I mean that does make a lot of sense, both soldiers/ex soldiers, both have large hearts, both have medical training and both will no doubt come into contact due to their connection to James. 

I have no issue with that scenario, it would be nice to see Alex with a girlfriend again. Having some actual representation rather that just the character saying she’s gay and that being the end of that. Plus Alex deserves to have some romance in her life again. I will say however, that i would have liked to have seen Alex have a girlfriend outside of any Super friends connection.  

One thing that is nagging at me though, is Alex will eventually get her memories back, and if she is in a relationship with Kelly will that lead to Kelly being the next in a ridiculous long line of random people who know who Kara is? If Kelly is a soldier, James’ sister and in a relationship with Alex she may have some suspicions about Kara and may put two and two together. Or James may take his season one attitude like with Lucy and ask Kara if he can reveal the Super sect to his sister. He was totally fine with wanting Lucy to know because well Lucy was sick of him running off to join Supergirl and was probably jealous. There was no question (that i remember) of it being considered dangerous for her to know. She was a soldier after all and Kara needed her help to save Alex and Jonn. Kelly is a soldier (ex soldier) and will probably have an inquiring mind. 

I swear to RAO if Kelly Olsen finds out that Kara is Supergirl before Lena does i will flip my wig! Kara’s excuse of it being to dangerous just doesn't cut it anymore since EVERYONE knows now! She’s even telling people she’s known for 5 minutes because she felt empathy with them. Before anymore flips out i LOVE Nia! But Kara was far to ready to give up her secret to her. Know who else she has felt empathy for and has known for years and is her ‘so called’ best friend and has proven to be a valuable member of the team, but only when she is needed? LENA! 

One other reason i have a feeling Kelly will find out if she becomes Alex’s girlfriend (post Alex getting her memory back) is because i realized every member of the Super friends and their significant others have at some point found out or been privy to Kara’s secret! All except Adam, but he doesn't really qualify as an ex since he and Kara only went on one date (kind of like Kara and James’ but ill just leave that there) and of course Lena, both as a friend and as James’ girlfriend.

1. Alex - Knows for obvious reasons

2. Maggie - Alex’s ex, found out because she guessed. Which Alex didn't try to deny. 

3. James - Knows because Clark told him and took the decision away from Kara. Then James became her love interest. 

4. Lucy - James asked if he could tell Lucy, due to relationship issues. Kara gave him permission if i remember right? But ended up telling her herself anyway because she needed her help and trust. 

5. Winn - Knows because Kara told him. 

6. Lyra - now im not sure about this one, we never really saw Lyra with Kara and we never saw a secret reveal. But Kara was at the alien bar a lot and she didnt even try to keep a low profile there, drinking alien alcohol with Mon El, no discretion. 

(im leaving Siobhan out because she and Winn werent together, just having casual sex) 

7. Mon El - he knew from the very beginning. Which i find odd tbh, Kara already took an instant dislike to him because he was a Daxamite. But she was fine with immediately telling him her secret human identity? What if he had turned out bad? Plus this was all pre- her getting together with him. She could have looked after and guided him without letting on who she was.

8. Jonn - Well Jonn knows for obvious reasons.

9. M’gann - Jonn’s significant other (sort of?) She just knew. probably because of Kara not being discreet at the bar and the fact that she is psychic. 

10.Clark knows because obviously

11. Lois Lane, Clarks other half knows because obviously. I wonder if he spoke to Kara before revealing that? Or he just introduced her as his alien cousin, like he did in Smallville with Lana. 

12. Imra - Mon El’s wife. Knows because Mon El told her in the future and history etc. 

13. Briany - knows because Mon El told him, the future etc. 

14. Nia, knows because Kara told her impulsively, and she will probably be Briany’s significant other soon. 

15. Barry - Well Barry did take of his mask first, but Kara met him at Supergirl and wasted zero time in letting him know her civilian identity, again like Mon El what if Barry had been dodgy? Kara has zero impulse control. 

16. Cat Grant - Well Cat figured it out it on her own. 

17. Every single hero and side kick in the multiverse! Oliver, Cisco, Sara etc. Really Kara? NO IMPULSE CONTROL! 

18. Did Sam ever learn Supergirl was Kara? I forget. 

19. Every single person at the DEO, Pam from HR. Oh but this randomly became like 6 people when it came time for a mind wipe. 

20. Eliza and Jeremiah because obviously 

So, did i miss anyone out? I could add the people outside of this circle that know/knew who know Kara is. 

1. Maxwell Lord - still sitting on that secret. Figured it out through the relatively easy task of putting a camera in Alex’s purse.

2. Lillian Luthor - figured it out on her own and because of Jeremiah. Is waiting for Lena to stop being so oblivious and realize it for herself so she will hate Kara. Is currently in prison and was left with this knowledge?? Really Kara? Really Jonn? I know you’re not a fan of mind wiping but here that would have been the thing to do. 

3. Rhea - figured it out on her own. Knew she was Kara Danvers friend of Lena Luthor etc. Deceased. 

4. Coville - figured it out on his own. Kept it a secret though. Deceased. 

5. Old Highschool guy that kidnapped Alex.

So in conclusion, Kara Danvers sucks at keeping a secret. The excuse ‘Lena could get hurt and it puts her in danger’ is null and void when literally EVERYONE Kara knows, their significant others and even her enemies know! If Kelly Olsen finds out, Kara may as well just come out to the public all Tony Stark style! 

Final note - maybe given the fact that Kelly is a Psychiatrist Kara may finally get the therapy she so desperately needs! 

[harrysdimples]

sooo...it’s the legend @btapants’ birthday and me and my main partner in crime daria @britneytshirt both came up with this idea and whipped up a lil somethin somethin for celine to read! we just want you to know how loved you are celine and how you influence us all to be better people! we all love you and had a few things to say :)

@bidonnas (aka mik):  i followed celine like ages ago bc i was looking for more harries to follow and she seemed so sweet and, like, a Quality™ blog and we've been mutuals for ages as well and we like sent each other asks for like ask games and tagged each other in tag games but we didn't start talking more until the first gc in like march of this year and i do not regret a single thing of entering that gc bc i got to meet my birlfriend, now my bife. we've just gotten closer over the past 6 months of being in so many different groupchats with each other and i love everything about her. she's funny, she's kind and sweet, and she loves mamma mia. i mean, who could ask for more?? fjdkgksdljkfg celine deserves the whole world and all the love in the world and i love her so so so much!!!!

@guccifloralsuits (aka violet):  Celine, you already know it but literally love you tons, you make my experience as a harrie stan so much brighter :) I'll always remember the #funkirk days and times we've been throught - from the discourse days to the crazy concerts & I can't wait to see what this next year for you & us brings! You're so easy to talk to and fun to share this experience with! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALL MY LOVE TO YOU 💖

@annaonvinyl (aka essie): Celine, Celine... I believe we've been mutuals not for that long and i do remember checking my notifications and seeing that she followed me i kid you not when i say i nearly had a moment because i would constantly see her posts and people talking so nicely about her. i can now understand why people kept saying sweet things about Celine, i mean she's amazing! if you aren't following her please do me a favour, go to her blog and press that follow, just... do it. celine is so sweet and funny, her blog is the perfect mix of aesthetic and relatable and not to mention she's so freaking stunning? i mean... have you seen her? model material, i'm telling you. so in conclusion what i want to say is celine is gorgeous and so nice and i love her! tanti auguri bella! spero che tu abbia un bel anno davanti a te e tutto il meglio vada per te! goditi la giornata e sorridi molto (scusa il mio italiano arrugginito)

@signofthebis (aka petra): Happy birthday, Celine! ❤❤❤ You know why I followed you. Because of the tags you wrote under my bta pants gifset. And I knew in that moment... this is a person that gets it and I need her in my life. And then I was lucky enough to get into the biconic gc you started and I got to get to know you and wow? You're amazing. You're so funny and incredible and just... I stan forever??? You're truly a queen. ❤❤❤❤ One day your selfies are gonna kill me because you're that gorgeous. And honestly? What a way to go. So Celine, I hope you're having a wonderful day and may your life be filled with only the best of luck, may it be full of love and kindness because that's what you're giving to us and you deserve the same it in return. Ily ❤

@flowerfeasts (aka dani): I followed celine like a year ago because i used to see all my faves tagging her on my dash, so i thought she was very important and cool and i remember waiting like a few weeks to follow her cause i somehow thought that would increase the chances of her following me back? lmao anyway, i still think she is very cool and i LOVE her fashion sense and she is a libra! that means she is awesome

@harryandcats (aka lejla): CELINE MY ANGELBOO!!!! I’m sooo bad with words and tbh?? there’s not enough words to describe how much u mean to me anyway smh you’re one of the sweetest, funniest and smartest (let’s just not mention your posts and the things you say something BDJDNDNDB) and loveliest people I know!! you’re also so silly sometimes but in a very cute and endearing way bdndn I could talk to you about literally anything, be it something deep or something random like poptarts bxjdndn speaking of poptarts we truly gotta meet someday and you’ll have to buy me lots of things and in return you’ll get the biggest hug of your life!!!! sounds like a plan if you ask me anYWAY I lov u with my whole heart, you’re my love, my life, my wife, my gf, my bitch, my boo, but most importantly: my dumbass ✌🏻😔 I hope you have the loveliest day!!!! Happy Birthday, Celine!! 💗🌈💕

@harrysnotechanges (aka kristyna):  Celine 💕💕 you are so funny and such a kind and generous person (not to mention gorgeous, ugh it’s not fair). I’m pretty sure I first started following you because of your url (I mean how much more iconic could you get,,, and I couldn’t agree more, the bta pants were the best pants Harry has ever worn tbh) and I stayed because you’re just an amazing human being. Ily 💕💕💕 Happy birthday!

@gettingdizzy (aka sav): I LOVE CELINE she is super kind and funny and like a little sister to me!! talking to her always makes my day better :) im not even sure why i started following her we probably got put in a gc together or something but im so glad i did!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ILY

@nofoookingway (aka jess): Oh boy, lil Celine. The cutest bean I’ve ever seen. I know we don’t speak anymore bc I’m trash and got too overdramatic about a stupid lil thing, but I’m so glad that we still follow each other and I see you on my dash every day. Your posts never go without a typo, even if it’s just the tags, and that’s probably my favorite thing about you. You’re so expressive and so weird in the best of ways. I’m pretty sure you’re starting uni (if you’re not smack me), but I know you’re going to kill it. It’s hard af, and it’s gonna suck. You’re gonna hate it sometimes, but believe me when I say I know you can do it and that you will have a blast once you find your niche. If I can do it, you sure as hell can. I wholeheartedly believe that. Anyways, I hope your birthday is just as fun and amazing as you are. ilysm 💛💛

@leesh (aka leesh lol): HAPPY BIRTHDAY CELINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope u have the absolute best birthday ever bc it’s what she deserves and i hope harry makes an appearance again looking absolutely fabulous bc it’s also what she deserves (maybe wearing the bta pants? yes i’m putting it into existence!!!!). i honestly can’t rmbr how or why i started following you, maybe it was a gc or maybe i just liked ur blog, i have a terrible memory, but i am SO GLAD whatever the reason I DID. i love seeing ur posts on my dash and i love seeing what you’ve got to say and i also love talking to u in gc’s and stuff. ur a cool gal and i’m glad we had a chance to become mutuals and pals. again i hope u have the best way day ever and get spoilt rotten. i love u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💖✨

@kiwiintro (aka kayla):  Happy Birthday Celine Bean! I hope it's amazing I love u and you're so iconic and amazing and ur an actual Meme™️ sometimes anyways again I hope your birthday is amazing and have fun being 1(one) year older ❤

@harryftvans (aka teresa): celine my dearest witch princess and gentle air spirit happiest of birthday wishes to you!!! someone’s getting old lol anyway I wish u all the best and hope you have a great day and that a lot of other great days will follow because u only deserve happiness and love and ~good vibes~ in your life!! stay ur amazing self, you’re always so chill and laid back (which is nice in this hectic world gksndn) and even when you pull a zayn on us at the end of the day you’re always there for us, being supportive and it’s always a delight to talk to you and hear stories from you!!! great britain is blessed to have you for the next couple of months/years (hope u have a nice time at uni I believe in u) so yea enjoy your day hope it’s filled with lots of love and hugs!! i’m glad you’ve been brought into the world and i’m glad we were out in the same group chat I couldn’t imagine my days without u, love you v much💕

@pinkflaredpants (aka iris): No offence but it's been a whole ass year since we first heard medicine and still no fuckin studio version of sott.

@britneytshirt (aka daria): celine, remember the day we became mutuals? it’s definitely been a year(+) now, can you believe it’s been that long? i followed u not really expecting to be followed back and u followed me about .02 seconds later and honestly i was a lil shocked. so i put my insecurities aside and decided to text u and u said u just saw my url and liked it and followed me. like?! *harry voice* craziness right? anyway, i like to think of u as a little present from life. when we started talking i was very lonely and literally cried myself to sleep every other night and having a friend, you, to talk to made me realise nothing is ever that bad and in a way... gave me hope? you mean so much to me. you’re always fun to talk to, u always have the funniest things to say. and most importantly, i know i can always count on u for whatever, you’ll be there to listen to me. so thank u. i’m so grateful i have a celine in my life. i love u

me (aka moi): so....celine, where do I even start? from those very first few months when I joined this fandom in september last year we were close friends. we started our first conversation about old 1d memes and the rest is history. I don’t think there’s been a time in the last year or so where I haven’t spoken to you, and I really couldn’t imagine my life without you in it. I look forward every day to chatting with you in the gc and i’m always just in awe of how accepting, loving, caring and truly inspiring you are as a person. I love hearing you speak italian in the rare voice messages you send, and especially your selfies (I will hold the belief that you should be a model to the grave I think tbh). you inspired me to love myself for who i am and we’ve grown as friends into something I never thought i’d reach. i’m never going to be able to fully articulate the weight you hold in my life or the impact you’ve had on me, and i’m bad at expressing my feelings anyway, but I just wanted you to know how LOVED you are, by me, and from everyone here. I can’t wait to eventually meet you once you’re settled over here and I can’t wait for the memories and shows we’ll make in the future. thank you for being you, and please never stop being your amazing self 💕

[jeeves-francis-de-le-swah]

Where is are Smart Pretty boy! (Matt Holt)

^Soooo REMEMBER THIS GUY RIGHT HERE!! ^

(OK!! Since Ive been told to do this by many friends i am! Lets Start With this boi! Let get start shall we~!)

Mr. Matt Holt since Season 2 is so close (like 2 days away from when i’m writing this! Much hype!!) we haven't seen much of this boy and if you like me you got ideas of what has happen to him or you don’t and that ok but that not how i am!! I GOT 3 Ideas what the Voltron team might do with this pretty little man!

1. He in another Fucking castle!!

So if you guys are like me and grew up with Nintendo, then you know Mario and Peach, so you know the whole "she's in another castle" joy and i think this is a likely thing that could happen to Matt because the Galra is huge. They've been around a bit and we have seen the slaves in episode 3, you know.......

^These guys or girls.... aliensssss yeh know ^

And i get the feeling it will not take long for the Galra to find out that Voltron is looking for Matt and Sam and to be honest, if i was zarkon i'd be a ass and try to move Matt and Sam around as much as i can so its harder for Voltron to find them. So i think if the Voltron Team did do this we wouldn't be to upset about this i mean this can show off more races and more of space and let be honest we want that as much as we want to see matt alive and safe and this could be good if done right! ;3

2. He one of them.... Maybe???

He's ONE OF Them!! You heard me; i think it's highly possible for matt to be brainwashed. I mean have you not seen all the evil matt art, you cant miss it, but honestly i think it could happen!!! We seen hagger do some crazy shit like making giant robeasts out of little cute aliens (now all im thinking is eggman.. you know... right?) so she's someone not to mess with really, so i dont put it pass her to do brainwashing when i think about it. It scares me because Matt is smart so he would be a big fork in voltron plans and of course the ANGST (i know how you all like your angst... i do too) it would be painful to watch Pidge and Shiro go head to head with him and be hurt seeing him like this, but we have to remember that Voltron is aimed at kids so there will be a way to get Matt back and save him from the brainwashing! but it would be like a first time meet. You see, Matt can be saved. It would be bits and part here and there and it would take a lot; and then getting your hands on him to be able to change him back... i feel like it'd be so so hurtful for pidge like really, i dont care what you say about your brothers or sisters you dont want to watch them suffer and not be themsevels and hurtting you as much as they can when they are not themsleves... and for shiro seeing his friend (coughboyfriendcough) not being himself, saying stuff he doesnt mean, it not a fun time because you'd have to break them to bring them back to their senses, so they can take back control! i feel like this would be a great way to go, but also know it'd be pulled back a bit because it's aimed at kids..... ;-; b

3. Scared and a Slave

SOOO we all know that Space dad is not going to die (lol ill fight you on this i dont care he not dieing it be a waste of good bara tiddles and a character!) but fom what ive seen from season 2 trailer and clips he not being kill or taking and that kinda where i got this idea from. what if Shiro (and this can would this one of the other paladins or Allura or Coran) does get taking back in to the garla again and being move and runs in to Matt and he (more angst) is a broken shell of a person he scared be been a slave he been broken and for him there is no way out there is not where that is safe and we have them trying to get matt out building him back up and see how dark the garla can be (again this is aim that the kiddos) it be really cool but would suck for voltron because he would be able to form till they got them back or if it was coran or allura it would be a bit different but not by much because no man left behind right.

4. They not going rid of him!! 

SOOO, we all know that Space dad is not going to die (lol ill fight you on this, i dont care, he's not dying. it'd be a waste of good bara tiddles and a character!) but fom what ive seen from the season 2 trailer and clips he's not being killed or taken and that's kinda where i got this idea from. what if Shiro (and this could be one of the other paladins or Allura or Coran) does get taken back in to the Galra again and being moved around, runs in to Matt and he (more angst) is a broken shell of a person. He's scared, having been a slave, he's been broken and for him there is no way out. There is nowhere that is safe and we could have them trying to get matt out, building him back up and seeing how dark the Galra can be (again this is aimed at the kiddos.) It'd be really cool, but would suck for voltron because they wouldn't be able to form till they got them back, or if it was coran or allura it would be a bit different but not by much because no man gets left behind, right.

His name is Sam Holt!

I didnt talk about Sam Holt (Matt and Pidge’s Dad) a lot because i dont really have much hope for him.... sadly i've seen my share of movies that take an older man and kill him off because he's not useful and im not saying Sam's not useful because he is useful. He's smart, he's part of the garrison, but his age makes me think otherwise because really, think of it like this, if you have two highly smart humans, but one is much, much older than the other, would you take the older guy that will do anything for some space peas, that doesnt look like he could fight or would get hurt easliy or die sooner (etc etc)... Why wouldnt you take his son that's just as smart; maybe he's still learning, but that means he can learn how to fight and yes, could get hurt, but bonuces back from it easier and faster then the older one. In my mind it's easy. You take the younger one and get rid of the older one; there's no need for him besides using him till he's nothing or just tossing him, so i feel like the only route for Sam is the Galra using him for all his mind has in the middle of nowhere, at a lab or just sending him off and we never hear about him unless Matt or someone says something.... ORRRRR to make me sorta happy because i debated this with a friend and she had this point that if they did save Sam he would go back to earth and be a helper for the garrison if they will listen. So they also could be something like that.

Those are my thought and stuff and yes a lot of person are thinking the same thing or maybe post it already but i wanted to put my out because my friends said i should and i felt like it too, anyway that what i feel like could happen to Matt and a little on Sam Holt.

My ask box is alway open so i would mind hearing what you guys thing or your ideas!!! Feel free to say something i dont mind chatting~!

i have other Voltron Theories that i might post up here for shit and giggles if you like them then cool!!! ^w^ b

[syddgardashian]

the beginning

this really is not the beginning of my journey. but i am in a better place than i was in. so now i can tell my story. i am not fixed or perfectly fine. i am still a crumpled up mess just straighten out just a little bit. kinda like when you ball up a piece of paper and then try to stretch it back out. no matter how hard you try, you will never get it to its original form. that is me. i will never be how i used to be, but if i work on myself enough, maybe i can get pretty close. Depression runs in my family. so does bipolar. when i became a teenager i started to have these dark feelings and i never knew why. I was sad or angry all the time and it confused me because no matter how much i tried i couldnt change myself. not long after, my family found out that my sister was VERY depressed and was self harming. i have never seen anything more traumatic. she would hurt herself so that she would feel better for just a little bit. i always thought that was stupid because i could grasp how that would help. UNTIL i tried it. i dont really remember the first time doing it. all i know is i was about 14 years old and i finally understood why people did it. it’s such a sad situation that people put their selves through. we hurt our selves, THAT IS ALREADY HURTING. we put our selves though one pain so we dont have to feel the other one. its sad that we have to feel a physical pain so we dont have to feel a mental pain. ANYWAYS back to my story. years went by, my ass still depressed. nobody knew to be clear. like nobody had a damn clue. one i didnt want people to know, another reason because i didnt want to alex to know. i didnt want to make my problems her problems. i felt like she was struggling worse. so i made her problems my problems. we got really close at that moment in time. then i got into some trouble, that im not even going to talk about because it was fucking stupid and im glad it happened because i wouldnt have met some of people i know now if i didnt move schools. i had to move to cville school and i was mad as hell about at the moment. i hated all four years of high school but some people made it bareable. i met my first love in that highschool. fuck. i was so in love with him. and if things were different i bet we would still be together. i have so many memories with him. memories that top anything else that has happened in my life. i wasnt allowed to date him because he was mixed. i got introuble several times because i got caught talking to him, but nun crazy. ill make another post about him because i could talk about him for days. i also met a forever friend, jordan. she be pissing me off but she will always be my bitch. me and her got some CRAZY memories together. i wasnt allowed to leave my house while i was in highschool. i couldnt go ride around. i had to stay locked inside my house for most of my life. it destoryed me. being alone for such a long time was the worst thing. my depression got so bad. i cried myself to sleep just about every night. but when i was dating david i was NEVER sad. me and him were off and on, but when we were together i was at peace. i didnt ever get in another relationship for most of high school besides david. like i didnt get in anything serious, i just talked to another people but it didnt last long because i couldnt leave david alone. but the summer before my junior year i met this guy. he was PIECE OF FUCK IN MY TOLIET. his name was eian and he was so fucking cute and i loved his personality and how he acted towards me. he was so fun and he wasnt afraid to act crazy around me. we were backj and forth for about 5 months. he was talking to me and about 5 other girls. he didnt talk to us at the same time, he would just pick a girl to talk to for about two weeks and then he would move on to the next girl. fuck that dude. but as soon as he was out of the picture guess what my ass did, yep, went back to my david. we dated again until december, but because of some stuff that had happened in our past i just couldnt make myself be in love with him. and it sucked because he was so perfect. not very long after that i started talking to this boy. his name is brenton. and now, two years later, we are still dating. our relationship is a fucking mess but we are still together. the first and a half me and brenton dated was fucking amazing. but then things started changing and it just hasnt been the same. ill make a post later about him. Well this past november, we broke up. and i went down hill. not because we broke up, but because he was my only friend. he was the only one i hanged out with, talked to. he was the only one that knew i was struggling. well during this month me and him were broken up, i tried to reach out to him because i needed him. i really needed him. and he thought i was just trying to trick him into getting back with me. i have been suicidal for a while now but it was never anything to serious, nothing that i couldnt control. until we broke up. i was so alone. all the time. i had to friends. nobody needed me. nobody reached out to me. nobody noticed that i wasnt myself. maybe because i never told anybody or maybe because i always put on a good face. i was very depressed, my anixety was awful. i was at the lowest i had ever been. i thought about suicide A LOT. the first time i considered it, i wrote my mom, dad, and alex letters. i didnt want to leave them with questions and i didnt want them to blame themselves. my heart was so broken. i chickened out. i talked myself out of it because i didnt want to hurt them. the second time i thought about was on thanksgiving. i tried to get brenton to let me come stay with him because i didnt trust myself to be alone, but he said no. a fight broke out at my sisters so that kept me from doing it because i had to go to alex. she needed me. i couldnt leave her i the moment. the third time i thought about it was when my parents left to columbia. i knew it would be the perfect time because i knew that nobody would find me. I remember it was a friday and i tried to get brenton to come stay with me because i didnt want to stay by myself. one hayti is sketchy and two i didnt trust myself to be alone. but again, i talked myself out of it and went to my sisters work until late at night so that when i got home i would be super tired and i would go to bed. which i did. The next day at work was the worst day of my life. i wanted to be gone in everyway possible. i never felt that kind of pain in my life. it was pure torture. and then i seen on social media that my ex was hanging out with these two girls a lot. it made me sad because he was so happy with them and he was never like that with me. it made me feel like such a waste of space. i kept thinking of all my flaws and how nobody would ever love a piece of shit like me. im not fun. im fucking ugly. i do not matter to anybody. i had a plan all thought out in my head of what i was going to do. i didnt want to do it because of my family but i kept thinking about how all my pain would go away if i did it. or how nobody would have to worry about me getting in the way of anything. i felt like nothing anyways. the thought of suicide gave me such a peace of mind because i knew that soon i would feel relief. i know the bible says that if you kill yourself you will go to hell but personally i feel like i had a good relationship with god and if i would have done it, it would have been all in his plan. i stayed at work about 30 minutes extra because i had to do the money bags for my dad while he was away but i also sat there and tried to talk myself out of it. i knew it wasnt a good. but fuck, the way i was feeling was so unbearable. i finally got home and decided maybe i will feel better if i just take a long HOT shower. so i turn my shower on and walk into my room and grabbed a new box of nyquil out of my dresser. i just remember sitting there and just popping them out of the plastic and taking them like they were skittles or some shit. then i torn my letters out of the back journal. and i read them to myself and cried as hard as my body would allow me. i then got my journal and decided to write one more letter. to brenton. i didnt want him or anyone else to think it was because of him because it wasnt. i wanted him to know that even during my last few minutes of breathing, i still loved him. and how it was such a privilege to love him. i guess he was on my mind my so much that my high ass decides to call him. i remember wanting to hear his voice one more time. how i wanted to say goodbye. i didnt want him to say me or to tell anyone but of course he did. next thing i know payton, my sisters friend is in my bathroom and she trying to get me up and i remember her telling me that this wasnt an option. it was an option to me. then my sister comes up the stairs into my bathroom and she reads my letter that i wrote her. the sound in her voice when she said “oh my god sydney’ her voice cracked, and she busted into tears. she tried picking me up but i weight more than her and shes a little weak.next thing i remember was being a hospital room and my oldest sister tara came in there. and i remember her crying and she said a prayer for me. i dont remember what she said but i know god heard her. i know he wrapped his embrace around me that day, because if he didnt, i wouldnt be here right now. i wanted to die, but that wasnt apart of gods plan. it simply was not apart of my journey. nobody told my parents until they got home that night, my mom came to see me but she was sympathetic at all. screw her for that. alex stayed with me that night. and the nurse that i had was sooo nice. she was really easy to talk to. she made me feel a little less worthless. sometimes i see her around. one day she came into my work to use the bathroom. i also saw her at walmart one time. i wanted to walk up to her and hug the shit out of her. the next morning, i was allowed to go home. so my mom came and picked me up. i went upstairs and got in my shower and i cried and i cried and i cried. i didnt want to be here. i wanted to be dead. i was so mad. i texted brenton and told him he shouldve let me die. such a dick move but whatever. he called me crying and we talked about the situation. blah blah blah. i ended up falling asleep. not long after my dad walked into my room... he tapped me and i looked at him and he hugged me and said what is going on and i didnt say anything, i just hugged him just a little bit tighter. he then said, “ ill let you go back to sleep but if you ever feel like doing that again please come talk to me.” the way he said it broke my heart. because i knew that i had broken his. after that, i regretted doing it all together, i know it hurt hi the most, because he couldnt even come see me at the hospital. a few days later i did something that i did not want to do. i went to see a fucking psychiatrist. and i so glad i did.she was so small and cute. she was wearing glittery sneakers and had a purple shirt on that said peace with little rinestones on it and she had her brushy, curly hair in a messy ponytail. shes such a hippie. i love her. talking to her is so easy. the way she understands the human brain is crazy. she understands you better than you do understand yourself just by telling her your story. you tell her your feelings, your situation, your actions and damn she can figure that shit out. we came to the conclusion that i was depressed and had anxiety. she put me on salexa or however you spell it. i was on it for a bout a month, maybe longer. it helped with my constant feeling of drowning but i was so bitchy all the time and just agitated all the damn time. well then we figure out that my ass is bipolar. so i get on a new medicine. im still on it at this very moment. so far its working pretty good. my body shakes a lot at night and i dont know if it has to do with my medicine or just the fact that i dont eat very much. so far, this is my story. if you made it to the end, thank you.