a funny thing ive been thinking abt recently is.. as a crazyperson dealing with delusions, the one thing that best lets me manage them is not "convince myself that its not real" (i cant actually just turn off my psychosis :/) but saying "it IS real, this IS true, but only in my reality".
like, idk whether or not "objective reality" is a real thing and im sooo not interested in finding out, but i do know there is a... communal reality? one which is based on things which are observable to anyone, and which impact and are impacted by multiple people. so if thats our basis, the communal reality, then one might consider the idea of an individual reality; one where a person may observe, be impacted by, and impact things which are inobservable to anyone else, and which no one else can interact with directly. the observability and impact of what is being perceived by the person is undeniable to them, but it is very much deniable by anyone else, because its not true in the communal reality.
the crucial part of this, to me, is that if i use this framework, the only course of action that makes sense is to determine that i should avoid doing anything that would negatively impact people, things, or myself in the communal reality based on anything i observe solely in my individual reality. those things are not in the communal reality, so i have like, a sort of moral and also just rational duty to consider them fully irrelevant to the communal reality and to act accordingly.
like, ok, sometimes i become very aware (more than usual) that theres a woman on my balcony at night, and shes looking through my bedroom window and trying to get in, and some nights im so afraid of her that i lock my bedroom door and close the metal blinds all the way and sleep with the lights on. the woman on the balcony is very real... in my individual reality. but thats kind of the reality im in! so shes very real to me!
but, i know, shes not real to anyone else. so i shouldnt do dumb shit based on her being there. i know she cant impact the communal reality (my roommate isnt in danger, etc), so... its kinda fine that shes here?
she is scary and she does want to hurt me and im scared of her and i hate her and wish she would leave. and some nights i need to do my lil 'lockdown procedures' to get away from her, and it fucking sucks, and thats a very real shitty experience.
but, well, once i am able to recognize that shes not real to other people, then she can just be something i observe. i recognize that her reach is limited; that she cant hurt me or anyone else in any meaningful way; eventually, on most days she becomes background noise. eventually, me and them, in our pocket reality no one else experiences, i start to accept them a bit. if the lady could hurt me she would have by now - and i do think the lady on the balcony is also the 'witch behind the curtains' from my childhood, so.. she's had plenty of time.
she cant really hurt me. shes just trying to spook me. shes like these actors in walk-through haunted houses who are behind cages or fences - grabbing towards the audience, putting on a big show of how scary they are.. ultimately, theyre actors in a cage, still. the woman on the balcony is like that. scaring me is the only thing she actually can do; there is no true threat, because the cage of common reality will always hold her at arms length. and sure, shes really, really good at scaring me. and i really dont like it! but i can go through it and remind myself that its all an act. a haunted house tour i didnt sign up for, sure, but none of the actors are allowed to touch me. they cant affect the common reality.
like thats been p dope? im never gonna manage to believe that its "just not real". but i can manage "its real for me and nobody else". and that makes it bearable.
i talk to the man on the ceiling now, sometimes. when i leave my room in the dark i dont turn on the light - and i have always turned on the lights! - and i talk to him. i know hes there. and for years i checked the ceiling at night, compulsively, to make sure he wasnt there. he doesnt want me to see him, right, so i had to keep checking because that way he had to remain hidden and couldnt get close to me.
now i go sit in a completely dark, closed room and i say "hey man, hows it going up there", and hes there on the ceiling, of course, but i dont check now, to be polite (if hes that committed to hiding then clearly its nicer to not look for him!). i tell him about my day a bit. he doesnt respond, obviously, but also id really hate it if he did, so its all good with me. i picture his weird, blank head hanging down from the ceiling, his featureless face hovering just above me, watching me while im blinded by the darkness.
and those are the thoughts ive tried very, very hard to avoid having for so many years! i got into a habit of ig.. very intensely thinking the lyrics of a song while going through my apartment at night, doing the choreographed circuit of turning the lights off and on to make sure i was never in the dark, because if i let my thoughts slip for just a second id think about the ceiling man right behind me, and thatd freak me out.
just sitting there in the complete darkness, knowing hes so close, listening to me talk to him? not so long ago i wouldve had a panic attack about it. but its ok. because the ceiling man cant hurt me, either. and probably isnt even trying to.
i thought about it more, and i realized that while i know the woman is trying to hurt me - shes purposeful about scaring me - the ceiling man has never really been antagonistic. he follows me around, but moreso in the way an animal would follow some strange smaller animal out of curiosity. hes not really trying to do anything to me. hes just here. thats not his fault. hes stuck with me too! so, im chill with him now i guess.
like, seriously.. just saying "the paranoia entities are real actually, but just for me" has actually really really really helped. i wish i hadnt spent all this time thinking and being told that getting better meant no longer having delusions. like, sure, thatd be great!!!! but i cant just turn them off. and theres no treatment that can just 100% make psychosis go away. so, most likely, im still gonna have delusions, and, most likely, i will for the rest of my life, and possibly itll worsen with age. its not realistic to just think "the only real option here is to convince myself that my experiences are fake". what, like im smarter than my own brain? my brains not gonna let me think this isnt real. its making it up in the first place!! so yeah. whatever! it is real. so now i can focus on "whats the best course of action to take when i have (x) experience, while remembering that it cannot infringe upon other peoples reality?", and as it turns out theres a lot more i can do while working within the delusion. damn.
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✮ 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐲𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲!, zegras' have more fun au
♡ ─ summary | it's y/n's 19th birthday back in 2022!
♡ ─ warnings | unedited, nothing except some cursing, literally nothing i don't think??
♡ ─ taglist | tbd (check link in navigation!)
♡ ─ ev's notes | okay guys!!! i have a few announcements for y'all!
1 - i've decided that after this post, this won't be a reader insert because...
2 - i am planning to make this a series!!!!!! one of my oc's for this au, brie, will be having her own spinoff with luca fantilli (maybe, we will see...) and it will be confusing so that's why i decided to make the zegras!sister an oc!!!!!!! i will be posting some polls (bc here we are a democracy here 🫡) for the name & brie's love interest so keep a lookout for that!
3 - PLEASE SEND IN SOME ASKS FOR THIS AU! i am running out of ideas quickly, so please send in your thoughts!!!! anyways, that's it lol. sorry for the long A/N!
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ynzegras
ann arbor, michigan
Liked by trevorzegras, briesbagels, lhughes_06 and 8,694 more
ynzegras | glow day with my girls <3 (+ parker)
tagged: briesbagels, avazegras, frienduser1, frienduser2, pchandler68
september 1, 2022
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briesbagels | birthday bitch!!!! yesss!!!!!!!!!
briesbagels | SHE FLEW ME OUT TO MICHIE IT WAS SO FUN
↳ ynzegras shoulda went to umich instead of uc berk 🙄
↳ lucafantilli ik, shes so much fun too bad she goes to berk 😑
↳ pchandler68 🤨📸
avazegras | OLD LADY !!!!!!!!!
↳ ynzegras shut up. ur literally 2 yrs younger. ur close behind
pchandler68 | ACTUAL photo creds this time!!!!!!
↳ briesbagels all you this time😌
↳ ynzegras thanks park for doing ur job
↳ pchandler68 so u just invited me to ur photographer??
↳ ynzegras yeah it was going to JUST BE A GIRLS NIGHT but ur welcome
↳ lhughes_06 ya she didn't invite me😑
↳ jackhughes or me 😐
↳ ynzegras where tf did u come from???
↳ jackhughes @/elhughes
↳ ynzegras bruh...
_alexturcotte | happy birthday sistaaaa 🩵
↳ ynzegras thanks turcs 🫶🏼
trevorzegras | HAPPY BIRTHDAY *ACTUAL* SISTER
↳ _alexturcotte 😐
↳ ynzegras ty king, almost as old as you 🥰🥰🥰
↳ trevorzegras is she ... being nice for once??????
↳ ynzegras ur making me seem like im a total bitch, im literally so nice
↳ griffinzegras 🤨
↳ pchandler68 🤨🤨
jackhughes | happy birthday, u get my venmo???? 😁😁
↳ ynzegras yes thank you king, finally paying me back for all those times i paid for your coffee
↳ jackhughes u mean literally 3 times??? bro??
↳ ynzegras yeah with ur fucking girly ass 8 dollar drink
↳ jackhughes ok miss "can i get a matcha frap no whip with oatmilk and vanilla cold foam"
↳ ynzegras awww ur memorized my drink 🤞🏼🤞🏼
↳ trevorzegras stop sending money to my sister jack, she has enough
↳ jackhughes no
lhughes_06 | happy birthday 🫶🏼 hope u had fun with ur "girls"
↳ ynzegras thank u AND YES I DID.
↳ lhughes_06 could've invited me, i could've put on a wig
↳ ynzegras no
↳ briesbagels no
_quinnhughes | HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE Z 💘😁
↳ ynzegras ily big hughes
↳ trevorzegras wow...
↳ ynzegras 🤑🤑
lucafantilli | happy birthday 💩
↳ ynzegras thanks king 😇
↳ lucafantilli now can u be our manager 🤓
↳ ynzegras NO. I HAVE OTHER THINGS TO DO.
adamfantilli | happy birthday little zegras 🥳🥳
↳ _quinnhughes thats kind of a me thing... ummm
↳ ynzegras thanks little fantilli 😗
↳ _quinnhughes im such a trend setter 😝😝
markestapa | HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANAGERRRR 😍😍
↳ ynzegras gtfo
↳ markestapa ily too 🤩
edwards.73 | happy 19 freshie 😌🥳🥳🥳
↳ ynzegras thank you ethan 😛
griffinzegras | happy birthday bio sister
↳ _alexturcotte bro.
↳ ynzegras ily, you shoulda come
↳ griffinzegras u and brie literally kicked me out at the door even though i flew out for u
↳ ynzegras WE HAD DINNER OKAY????
juliezegras | happy birthday beautiful daughter, had a great time in ann arbor and will be coming back 🩷🩷
↳ ynzegras ily momma 🥹
trevorzegras
anaheim, california
Liked by ynzegras, _alexturcotte, jackhughes and 15,096 more
trevorzegras | 19th bday versus 9th birthday 🥹
happy 19 to my little sister,
you never fail to make me proud, you're so special to me and i can't wait to see how you will suceed, me and the whole fam will be there front row to cheer you on forever. you're amazing, never forget that my fav striker 🩷🩷
p.s: you will get your gift when you send me back my north face tshirt u stole
tagged: ynzegras
ugust 31, 2022
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ynzegras | i love you trev 🥹 also ur not getting back that shirt
↳ trevorzegras no gift for you then
↳ ynzegras k.
↳ trevorzegras jk your package will be there in 2-3 days
↳ ynzegras ily you know me so well
ynzegras | ily but you misspelled succeed
↳ trevorzegras wait really??
↳ ynzegras yeah edit it, love u but its embarrassing
↳ trevorzegras how do u do that??
↳ ynzegras 😐😐
fanuser1 | awww, i forgot trevor had siblings but they're so cute
↳ fanuser2 ikr, they look sm alike tho i see it
↳ ynzegras i do not look like a fish 😑
↳ fanuser2 LMAO PLEASE DAMN
griffinzegras | AWWW fetus y/n, back when she wasn't a bitch
↳ ynzegras shut up griffin im serious.
↳ griffinzegras u didn't disagree tho 😶
avazegras | i'm crying. we were so small 😪
↳ ynzegras dw we are still petite af
↳ avazegras LMAO PLEASE BE SERIOUS Y/N
juliezegras | my babies 🥰🥹
↳ trevorzegras momma 💘
briesbagels | baby y/n 🥹 so cute
↳ ynzegras I KNOW
pchandler68 | throwback to when y/n was actually cute, WHAT HAPPENEDDD
↳ ynzegras ik you're not talking mr. 5head, at least i was a cute kid
↳ pchandler68 WDYM I WAS ADORABLE???
↳ ynzegras yeah whatever helps you sleep at night babe
jackhughes | AWWWWWWWWWWW
fanuser3 | isn't she dating one of the hughes brothers??
↳ fanuser4 NO WHAT SHE ISNT, TREVOR WOULD KILL THEMMM
↳ fanuser3 no i swear i saw a pic of them kissing on pinterest
↳ fanuser5 i thought that was luke
↳ fanuser4 DAYUMMM SHES GETTING THE WHOLE CREW WOW
↳ fanuser6 guys please be fr, shes not gonna be dating jack hughes. this isn't a fanfic 😑😑
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intro post 😁😁
go here to read my rant part 1 here for part 2 and here for part 3
dm and askbox open for ppl. anons are welcome.
maybe i wont reply mayeb i will. depends on my energy.
pls be friens with i have like no friends.
tagging my non-existent moots
@discoveredreality BRO OMG OMG IM FINALY MAKING AN INTRO POST. sweetest most caring little shit. where the actually fuck would i be without you. like yes i know you dont do anything and somethimes dont even know that you need to do stuff but OMG WHAT LIKE YOU KEEP PUSHING ME TO DO SHIT TO MAKE MOVES AND LIVE MY LIFE PLS PLS DONT EVER LEAVE ME POOKIE <33333333
@lilcri84b1 AHHHHHHH. what would i be doing without you. i dont even know where to start. like litereally the most gorgeous girl out there. HOW DO I EXPLAIN YOUR BEAUTY TO THE REST OF THE WORLD. 10+ years of friendship so were basically already living under the same roof. I AM SO SO SO GRATEFULL TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE. btw guys this is my partner, who, i...... uhhhh talk, a.... uhhh little to much about.
@pumpkin-gizzards hello. thank you for being my class mate and in the same house as me too. besties ig. lmao
@ollieolioly lol hi just ask ari if u want to know who i am but u do know who i am. u point at me and say gay whenever u see me in the hallways so that should be enough info for u. sorry if i say mean things to u but like if u keep reading u will see why.
@violet92959 this rando on the internet just spawned out of nowhere and now im like besties with them????? anyways. u should have a 'beware, if yapping can't stop' sign. AKJDSWIEDDSN besties.
about me:
im mars. yes my previos nickname was mara, BUT now is a whole new era, whole new personality, whole new name. so please call me mars. they/them. agender. butch lesbian. grey aro and grey ace. idk whatver u can call me whatver but im probs not gonna respond to that lol. anyways. minor. im russian but live in australia. non religious. artsy (????) love to crochet. also the max volume in my headphones isnt enough i need the song up my baby spawner. does things last minute. pinterest is here. AHHHHHH WTF DM IF U WANT I NEED FRIENDS. also i probs wont answer all the time unless im at school so like dont get mad and shit. i also play the drums.
fave drink:
monster energy pipeline punch pink thing. (and also the gold one)
personality shit:
my mbti is isfp. star sign is taurus. favourite animal is snek . AHH GUYS EVERYONE UPDATE. I KISSED HER. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways. if u ever ecounter me being mean to you then 86.39% of the time im only playing with you. idrk my love language but i guess i make fun of you and also PHYSICAL TOUCH. not that if i dont do/show those around u i dont like u i just have no idea how to describe my love language. PLS TAG GAMES I LUV TAG GAMES YAYAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYA
time zone:
Australian Eastern Standard Time (AEST) 'Australian Eastern Standard Time (AEST)
music taste:
MELANIE MARTINEZ ❤❤❤❤❤❤. tv girl. girl in red. 6arelyhuman. odetari. kets4eki. lumi athena. creepp. proz. elita. jazmin bean. marina. the smiths. dandelion hands. mitski. sign crushes motorist. shakira. jack stauber. asteria. dandelion hands. nirvana. acdc. radiohead. guns and roses. the beatles. naik borzov. the cranberries. queen. weezer. the cure.
ok pls dont hate me for this one. I ABSOLUTELY HATE READING BOOKS. I CANT READ. I LITERALLY READ LIKE A SNAIL. so i dont have a book taste. wait nvm ive read valentine by jodi mcalister AND LOVED IT. thats basically it.
i play minecraft and roblox (but mainly evade and dti) (no i dont)
no fandoms bcs i dont read books. But. i watch old disney movies so idk if thats valid. hwlp rip what is this.
KASIUEWOIAJDASKD MY PARTNER ACTUALLY READS THIS WHEN I UPDATE IT THATS SO SWEET WTF <3333333333333333333
congrats u made it to the end. u can now continue with ur day. good bye.
*if i didn't tag u then dm me and i will.*
the pics are from here and here and here and here and here
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also this is sword anon again and honestly your cookie run art is partially why i wanna get back into it after a long time but i remember some drama circulating around that darkmilk has a significant age gap n stuff and in extension so does yammilk (ik your pinned post doesnt include them I just added that since that was part of the discussion) so whats your take on their age thing cuz idk what type of shipper you are lol
HII AGAIN LFMAOO BUT OKFG RLLYYY?? YAYYY
I don’t talk about milkyam cause I just don’t like the ship, or most of its shippers. I don’t like a lot of choco ships tbh..but all I will say, is milk would protect choco from yam BUT THATS IT. THATS ALL.
for me, I hc young prince as 15 and milk around the same age, idk maybe 13? I cant see how people think young prince choco was an adult...?? Yes she went out to find a sword by herself but I think she was only allowed that because she is a good fighter and can survive on her own, it’s obvious cacao had trust that choco will return safely.
She just looks tall or mature for her age ig?? I think it’s because how she was raised, never allowed to be a child and trained to be better but yea no, I fr can’t see her as an adult here
edit: I forgot to add but she still kind of had that “oblivious” mindset I guess? Believing she can save her kingdom and could change her fathers mind even tho he’s so stubborn and that mentality of being “a hero just like his father”, I’m sure thats associated w younger people because “ur just a child you don’t know any better”
after she comes back she sees what her father rlly is and basically calls him a coward. It’s fr someone maturing and seeing someone for what they rlly are, not blinded by the child mentality anymore and only seeing someone as perfect when they’re not at all (not saying cacao is a coward mb minty, but bro wasn’t the best father 🙏😔 I love cacao) but also choco is manipulated easily because of her weak mentality.. my girl.
I know a lot of people are iffy or just hate chocomilk and that’s alr ig but god pls enough w tagging the ship and making threads telling people to hate it.
I know someone whose too afraid to draw it because of what people say and I’m like !! I got you bro I’ll draw it for us!!
Also I don’t think devsis would even allow such a ship to exist if it was wrong?? (it’s funny cause they make art of it n even make captions like that one where choco and lico go to an amusement park together, w “don’t tell milk” )
also I just hate how mischaracterized milk is w choco... my god y’all are weird as fuck w him. Milk wouldn’t harass choco or stalk him pls stop that, it’s uncomfortable..
he respects his space and choco’s life. When he met choco in that cutscene, people took choco being “uncomfortable” around milk, he wasn’t? He was just shocked or just “?? Rlly??” Kind of reaction because this man hasn’t been told anything nice after he became “bad” or whatever, so having someone tell him that he was the reason they became stronger and “want to be just like him” is obviously shocking to her, she wouldn’t believe that she made someone life better because she thought she only hurt people and deserved to be hated and treated in any way.
Anyway yea, they def both met as teens, didn’t see eachother til adults and it’s obvious milk is in love w choco idc (me too bro)
this is long as fuck sorry but GOD I NEEDED TO SAY SHIT!!
Take the cute art tho I love them sm (I think choco just has the mentality that no one could love him after what he’s done so he doesn’t understand why milk faints all flustered n shit but the idea of her being oblivious is cute too 😭 fuck it shes both!!)
also what type of shipper I am?? Wym
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LSKDJSKDKD IM GLAD I WAS BEING OF HELP IN ANY WAY :D
Kinda ask but also not :
What would you do if you were isekaid to genshin (in your different AUs: genz language, language barrier, blunt reader...)
Or if you got isekaid with one of your friend or follower(pspspsps me)
WE WOULD HAVE A FEILD DAY IN ALL OF THOSE LMFAO
So I have other ppls asks that r older than this but this'll be pretty short/its kinda not a request/ask? so ill go ahead and post this one first :) 💙
The ungodly amount of AUs I have now (my askers have?? I feel like yall made these tho):
FIRST OF ALL, IM ON MY FEET IN SECONDS- IF U RMEMBER ONE OF MY OLD ASKS WHERE I SAID "U will not be one of those isekai protagonists who dont know wtf is going on/wont accept what happen, esp when their lives depended on it"
I PARTIALLY SAID THAT BC THAT WILL BE ME
I AM AWARE. I AM COOL. I AM ROLLING WITH THE PUNCHES.
any of these chaotic language AUs i am on my toes for goddamit
Im drawing pictures to communicate, im doin charades, any method i can if words dont work
.
IF ITS THE BLUNT AU I WOULD NEVER SHUT UP
It would just be too funny for me to be able to be quiet, im making ppl laugh im scaring ppl bc they think im an eldritch god
What a dream💖 *wistful sigh
Thats part of the reason i wrote about that AU bc i WOULD LOVE THAT ONE
YALL COMING WITH ME??!! :
We would quite possibly end the world
Im kinda but also kinda not joking
It would just be utter chaos
U my good fellow, seem to be hot on the uptake so i would assume we would make a gameplan pretty quick once we like too a second to
FREAK TF OUT WE IN GENSHIN
like, if it was just me i think Id just be excited for a few minutes
But if we both there??
Screaming, jumping up and down, i have taken ur hands and am spinning you LMAO
Hope no characters come by and see us bc we would be actin like Absolute Buffoons (even if u wouldnt normally be act like that in this situation i WOULD FORCE U TO JOIN AND GET HYPE)
Also 2 idiots r better than 1 idiot /lh
So if we put our heads together...
We might just get a braincell and make a sweet life for ourselves in Teyvat
(plus would help with homesickness + culture shock)
THANK U FOR THE UNHINGED IDEAS LOL
I think in any situation in Isekais, I would seem feral to all the other characters bc i would be doin shit like breaking Nahida out of her prison with fireworks lol
Cheers,
🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘
♡the beloveds (sorry if this doesnt count! i figured it was close enough to sagau i might as well tag yall)
@karmawonders / @0rah-s lol ur own ask im doin it anyway LMAO / @randomnatics
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