#anyway this note also got imprinted in my brain so every day i was seeing my.bookshelf and I knew it was there

[beatriceportinari]

Another reason immortality would suck is you'd always know this was there so in 10000 years when people find it you'd have to be like ouuuh I wonder what's in there 😑 and you'd be the only one not having fun being surprised

[violetdrkside]

i dive into a sea of memories, and collect the pieces of our love

Rating: Mature

Categories: Gen Fic, M/M

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen 呪術廻戦

Relationships: Getou Suguru/Gojo Satoru Getou Suguru & Gojo Satoru

Tags: Angst, Angst and Feels, Hurt No Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Extra Angst, Heavy Angst, SatoSugu, Mentions of Killing, Mentions of Death, JJK Volume 0/Cursed Child Spoilers, Hidden Inventory (Gojo's Past) Spoilers, Shibuya Arc Spoilers, I've had SatoSugu brain rot for over a year (close to two years) and I make sure I make it everyone else's problem, Crossed post on Ao3

Summary: He cannot help, but only think of him. He thinks of every single moment and feeling he has ever shared with and of him. Life can be cruel, and he is not sure how he got here, but sometimes all you can do is dwell on the past as you try and accept your present. It is hard to lose your one and only and the person you ever had. Like slides from movie your brain will play back all those times you ever had of and with them and all you can do is watch.

A/N:

In celebration of Gojo's 1000th day (I know I'm bit late, but let's ignore that) I present some SatoSugu Angst. Also if you do not know what I mean by 1000th day then I would suggest not reading because it might spoil some things for you. Anyway I have severe SatoSugu brain rot. I love them dearly and am obsessed with their relationship and how they interact with one another and how Akutami writes them. The title of the fic is a translated lyric from King Gnu's song 逆夢 (Sakayume) which was featured in the JJK Volume 0 Movie. I looked up multiple sources for the translation of the lyrics and that seems to be the general translation for the lyric. If you have better translations for the song please let me know! But this song absolutely is about Getou and Gojo and makes me sob deep down. BEFORE READING: Volume 0/Cursed Child Spoilers Hidden Inventory (Gojo's Past) Spoilers Shibuya Arc Spoilers (Don't say I did not warn you) Use of King Gnu's lyrics for title. I don't own them. [See end for more notes]

______________________________________________________________

   "Back then, I thought/That you would always be by my side/As if it was a given."

          The amount of time that has passed is undetermined. The same image keeps playing, flickering like a reel of film projecting onto a screen. The sound of a voice imprinted in his mind on a loop saying one thing. He knows what he saw, what he heard, what his cursed energy told him, but deep down in his soul all the facts are deemed false. Whoever that was, it was not the person who he formed an unbreakable connection with. His whole life flashing like slides as he transcends somewhere out of this world. Unsure when the tears started to flow down his face and unsure if it was from laughing or crying. He combs through every scenario of how this could have happened. What curse made him be banished to this realm? The wiring linking back to right before becoming engulfed by this prison. Every single memory with him, about him, of him is what came rushing back to the blindfolded man before the darkness engulfed him.

           How long has it been now? How many times has he thought of these memories? He is starting to become unsure how long he has been in here. Has it been a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a month, a year? Longer than that? 1000 days? Maybe no time has passed at all. Even so…however long it has been, all he can think about is him . His voice. A ghost of his past that he thought he killed, and yet he remains. Well, only his physical embodiment remained, His soul…unfortunately that was lost long ago, perhaps even before he had to take the life of his one, his only.

          He thinks about the first time they met at Jujutsu Tech. How the boy with jet hair and bangs in his face and eyes that closely match had no idea who he even was. He thinks about how they did not even get along at first, but as the days passed, even with different moralities and ideas, one was not seen without the other. He chuckles as he thinks of their fights at Jujutsu Tech, and how the cursed manipulation user would still wield his technique even though he was prohibited from doing so. And all the times Yaga would yell at them for their conduct. How they would drive Shoko crazy from their antics as well.

          He thinks of how all their bickering would end in laughter and no matter their disputes they each knew they could trust and confide in one another even as the sun is setting. All the late nights spent in each other’s rooms to the point it became difficult to tell which room was whose. With clothes left on chairs, souvenirs from all the missions and trips. Different foods and snacks they would bring back to share with one another. He thinks how sometimes their late nights would bleed into early mornings; with droopy eyes and cracked voices as they would fall asleep in one of their beds, because having to travel back to the other’s bed was still too far.

          He thinks about how for the first time he could be free. To travel and see the country and all its variety. How, for the first time, he never had to feel alone and was not treated differently just because he was born with a destiny already planned out for him. Finally, instead of hearing “you” or thinking there was only “me” there was a “we” and an “us.” Neither one of the two had to do anything by themselves because they made a team.

          He wishes that those days of the beginning could go on forever. How he wishes he could hold onto them a little longer. He curses the moment those days became less and less and he wishes he could go back to the day when it was their last. Before everything started to crack and crumble then shatter altogether. Maybe if he knew their last day of laughter and happiness before “we” went back to “you” and “me” he could keep it like that, even if it was just a little longer.

          Unfortunately, he knows when things changed for the two of them. Maybe regardless of the events that had occurred, he could have been more present, he could have gone to change his mind, change his soul before he left completely. That day still haunts him, still lingers, and as much as he wants to deny it, to ignore it, that day was the day he lost all his youth, his hopes, his dreams, all his plans and what could be.

         He remembers how he died that day and how he came back. He remembers thinking how the only person he has ever had was dead too. How he would burn it all down knowing he could not exist in a world where the other was not. He thinks how he should have burnt it down regardless because honestly there was not much left of it anyway. At least not enough for anyone in the future to prosper from it. He thinks of his own face that day. Even though they both have lived, someone who they promised to protect was not. He remembers the brightness and glimmer in his eyes fading along with his smile. How his face became a ghost of what it was.

          That is when the separation started. That is when he was sent on missions alone constantly–when he was recognized as the strongest and no longer needed someone to rely on. That is when everyone started to rely on him . Maybe he could not have changed his destiny. Over all the missions he went on, he would think of him. He would think of how it would be so much better if he were there as well. Just because he did not need him by his side does not mean he did not want him by his side. But that is a lie too: he did need him. With him by his side he was someone, he meant something to people beyond his power, his cursed energy, his six eyes. He remembers all the feelings he felt as a child while in isolation in the confines of his family’s estate flooding back to him as a teenager when he began to spend mission after mission alone. No one to share crepes or other desserts with when he would buy them on their missions away as his best friend would follow and oblige his sweet tooth. Before he knew it all the days were blending together and he wondered if that is what it was like for him as well.

          He should have been there more for him. Maybe convince Yaga that they should do a mission together instead of separately, and have Shoko join them too so it could be like it was in the beginning . Maybe instead of crashing in his own room from the tiring days, he could have gone to his room, to spend the night there like they used to. Talk about their plans and dreams like they always did. He should have been there more for him . He should have been present, because if he himself was still hurting from that fateful day he could only imagine how the other man felt. All he wanted was to see from his eyes and maybe, just maybe, they could fix it together. They could work through all the problems; all the issues they were going through like they always did. Even if there was fighting, he knew laughter would follow.

           He can feel himself finding it hard to breathe. Was it this place he was in? Was it something else? Maybe this time he is actually…dying. How long has it been now? How long has he been lingering on every day he had with him? Every moment. Maybe…maybe…he could not change a single thing. Maybe no matter what he did it would have gone like this. Maybe if he was never in his life, none of this would have happened. Maybe he would have had a chance for a happy life. Besides, you cannot grieve for something you never had in the first place. Maybe he should have stayed in isolation…never gone to Jujutsu Tech. Learned everything from home. Not involving anyone else in his life. Was this the curse he was born with? He could feel the heaviness in his chest growing. Suddenly a thought occurred… 

            Is this what it feels like to swallow curse after curse? Is this how Suguru felt all this time?

        He starts to think of that excruciating day when they met each other in Omoide Yokochō, how he was instructed to execute him, his other half and could not. Instead, he stood there and let him walk away. He regrets letting him go, blending with the crowd. The words he said to him that day still haunt him and quite honestly, he still does not think he has the answer to the question he asked him all those years ago. The heartbreaking honest answer, he kept hidden deep behind his six eyes was he never wanted to become the strongest. He did not want the whole Jujutsu world to rely on him, to use him. He did not solely want to be the strongest, or at least he did not want to be the strongest on his own. If he was going to be the strongest he wanted to do it with him by his side.

            He wanted to go back to when the two of them felt like they were on top of the world. He wanted to go back to when they would say, “We are the strongest.” The only way he has tried to fill this hole is teaching. Teaching the young jujutsu sorcerers and guiding them so they can create a better world, and prevent being in a world like the one he grew up in. He knew at one point that is what the other man would do, before he changed, before he went his own way. He knew they were supposed to teach the new generation. Guide them together, but instead he does it himself, for both of them, for a lost dream they once shared.   

His mind keeps circulating on the same thoughts. Should he have held onto him harder, or maybe a little less? Maybe he should never have let them become as close as they were. Maybe they should have just stayed classmates, nothing more, nothing less. But…he became greedy, in order to feel human. To have someone’s warm breath against your ear as they whisper a secret. To share meals with. To walk alongside someone as shoulders brush against one another. To smile, to laugh, to cry, to fight with. All to feel alive. If he did not share these moments with him, would there have been anyone else who would come along in his life to share them with, to make him feel the way he did with him. To feel things he did not know a person could feel. If it was not for him, would he have been blessed–would he have been cursed–with all these memories, experiences, feelings if it were not for him.

            He thinks of all the years that passed and how the years apart became longer than the years together. He thinks about the possibility of him leaving too. Leaving Jujutsu Tech and going to chase after him, to be with him. Maybe he would not feel the burning of the hole in his heart grow if he were to be by his side again. The life he lived up until this point was originally because of him, before his soul switched, this is the life that he originally wanted.This is what they were supposed to do. To protect, not to harm. He thinks maybe they did curse each other…

            Sitting in the empty classrooms of his youth as the sun set and the sky would change colors, he would sit reminiscing about the things he would tell him. How he made him listen to him, even when he was acting arrogant. No one had ever done that before, but for him, he listened to his friend as he would look into his dark and shining eyes. Through his words he trusted him, and would give him everything.

            That day he came back to their school where they had created so many memories. He could feel him even before seeing him. Even if it had been what seemed like another lifetime, he still memorized everything about him. Then there he was. With the people he now called his family, preaching about his new beliefs to his students. How his voice, his words pierced him because in a different life they were to be side by side teaching these students together. On that day though, he hears that man speak of a different world, a different life his former self would be against. He now speaks of war, of cursing each other. How he remembers his stomach twisting from his words. When did he believe bloodshed would fix everything? Does he not remember that day they almost died, how someone did die, how multiple people died, and what it felt like to see someone with a life lose it in seconds. How horrendous that felt. Here he is now calling for a war, where more lives can, will, and were lost.

            Finally, that day came. The day he had been avoiding since the day he turned his back, never to return. He is not sure if it was cruel or fitting for it to end that way. He really did not want it to be this way. Maybe it would have been easier for him if Yuuta and Rika were the ones that ended his life, or maybe it would not have. Until the end he trusted him. For the other man he held no hard feelings for those of Jujutsu High. They both knew how this would be their last moment with each other. He remembers how he looked into the injured man’s eyes and though they were the same eyes he had always gazed into all those years ago, he knew they were different now. He remembers how he would do anything to see them glow again even just for a moment before he would have to do what he has been dreading to do for all these years. For a second he hoped they could be like they were before.

            It was not that long ago this happened. All the feelings are still there like an open wound. The way he says his name still makes his heart beat a little faster, because it always sounded different when he would say it. Then, when he would speak his name off his tongue he could not help for his stomach to flip, to clench just slightly because was this really going to be the last time he says his name to him. No matter how much he wanted to shove that evening away from his thoughts, it still plays like it was yesterday, every day. He recalls how he wishes he would curse him even if it was a little in the end, but they both know that they could never do that to each other. Though what they will not admit is they already did curse each other. The truth is already there to prove it had done its toll on the two sorcerers. 

He thinks of his last words he said to him and just before he took his last breath. He had laughed and for the man reliving his memories like a featured film, to see him laugh one more time, for his eyes to soften like they once were when they were younger filled him up to the point of absolutely destroying him. Because after this, his worst nightmare was about to come true. To be in a world where the other man would not exist. It did not matter if they were not physically present in each other’s lives these past years, they still both knew that the other one was still breathing, still living their own life. And now…and now…this is where everything ended.

            He thinks back to how he took his last breath before taking someone else’s. He did everything he could to keep his composure, but he knew that the only person he ever had, knew that he was anything but composed. In a flash it was over, but everything else remained. Before he could do anything else he stood there before the man that he thought would always be in his life and let the tears fall from his eyes. The ones he always held back after all these years because now there would never be a “we.” This was it, this is how it ended.

            He thinks about how he had to leave his body there in the alley, to ensure the safety and lives of the jujutsu sorcerers of the future. He thinks back of having to tell Shoko of the death of their friend. She had always kept herself more composed and indifferent of their friend’s leaving. In that moment though he sees how her face drops and eyes begin to water as she too grieves the loss of her friend. Seeing his nonchalant friend and coworker break that composure caused him to break more than he already was. He had convinced her to not dispose of his body and because she was one to not want to get in the middle of things she did not go against his words.

            For the first time Gojo cannot be greedy, he spends the last remaining time he has left with Geto before letting his “family” give him a proper burial. The tears flowing down his face and how he wishes he could have more time and thinks about all their firsts and all their lasts, just as he is reliving them again in the place where time does not exist. Oh how he wishes he could see how they saw each other in each other’s eyes…

    Ever since that day he goes through each day missing him living the fantasies of what they could have had, knowing they are all false realities. He tries to live a life that he would have wanted him to live before things shattered, because that was the only life he ever really wanted. Even though a lot of the days were difficult, and it felt like he would wake up and fall asleep with tears in his sky filled eyes, there were days that felt like the past did not exist only the present. He held onto those days, those moments, because he knew they were precious.

            The hardest days were the ones where it seemed like a new life was forming and though the past can never be erased a new life for the future can still bloom, but then a certain smell, song, sound, place would appear or he would come across something that threw him back to the past and then that is where his mind would live. He would feel the uncertainty clinging with doubt, if he could even be able to get out of the whirling winds of the past to be able to live in the present again. Those days are the hardest because of how warming it is to live in the happy, beautiful moments of the past, because at one point everything he ever wanted was there.

            Now he thinks back to what was moments ago, or has it been longer than that? How long has it been since he saw him? It was him, his body at least, but everything else was not. In the remnants of his soul, he knew that was not the person he shared the deepest connection within his life. How could he be fooled? Did he really miss him that much? Was that truly the thing he desired most, was to have him back? He knows there is so much more in this world and in this life, but without him in it, it is a bit bleak.

            His name keeps ringing inside his head along with his own from the person who he cared about most in this world. When did everything become so cursed?

WC: 3,412

24 October 2022

00:31

Happy 1000th Day of Gojo's Sealing! You did it baby!

_____________________________________________________________

A/N: Hello Lovelies thank you for reading! Apologies for the hurt, but I cannot help it. Shout out to my friend Mint who helped me edit! I highly appreciate it, since I wrote this while recovering from surgery the last two weeks (don't worry I am okay)

Also shout out to all the incredible people from the discord I am apart of and dealing with my SatoSugu brain rot. Plus for always being supportive and encouraging! <3

Please leave comments and thoughts also any constructive criticism! (I don't mind, constructive being key.)  If I missed a tag let me know. And remember the only heart  you should smash is the like button <3 REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED!

Ao3

Twitter

Patreon (I'm currently working on another series so I can post more soon)

[solarwonux]

89.  “Just let me finish this level and I swear I’ll go down on you all night.”

93.  “Fuck…did we use protection?”

twitch streamer!wonwoo x f!reader

w.c: 3.9k (honestly I think I forgot what drabbles were clearly lol)

warnings: some angst, smut, mutual masturbation, some slight panty stuffing, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex, pregnancy scare, talks about plan b

note: excuse me everyone I literally love gamer and twitch streamer Wonwoo, but not everyone does. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one if you want more twitch!streamer wonwoo let me I will be happy to oblige, I have MANY ideas. Enjoy and please let me know your thoughts. 

p.s send me a prompt for either svt or bts or both. I will also happily oblige to that lol

Masterlist || Drabble game 

Watching Wonwoo play Zelda was not what you had expected when he had texted earlier asking you to come over. “Just let me finish this level and I swear I’ll go down on you all night.” He whispered against your lips in a half kiss when you walked in through his front door.

That had been over an hour and three completed levels ago. It was an empty promise long forgotten as he kept himself immersed in the game, talking enthusiastically about his day and random things his brain would conjure up on the spot. It was like you didn’t exist, and for the most part to his viewers, you didn’t. It wasn’t like you were his girlfriend or anything. Even if you were, you valued your privacy more than anything in the world. You preferred to work on your own things in the background away from his camera whenever you were over. This was something the two of you had mutually agreed to. 

Casual hangs and casual sex.

Lately, your relationship had become the product of most of your stress. You never knew where you stood with Wonwoo. Sometimes he would literally invite you over to keep him company while he streamed only to kick you out the second he finished. “I’m too tired, you should go.” He would say pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, “I’ll see you later.” 

Of course, those moments were overshadowed by the soft touches he left imprinted on your skin. By the sweetness of the words he shared with you and only you whenever he wasn’t working. It made you want more. More of him, more of his attention, and more of whatever was going on between the two of you. But that was something you refused to bring up afraid that the only one harboring feelings for the other was you. 

Heartbreak was not in your plans for life, at least not for a while. 

You sighed, throwing your phone down onto the couch. Your patience was wearing thin. Maybe it had to do with the fact you were already having a bad day, and Wonwoo’s indifference towards you wasn’t helping. When you had gotten his text earlier, you couldn’t help but feel all giddy inside. The two of you hadn’t seen each other in a few days with work schedules being all over the place and not aligning. It was something to look forward to, not necessarily because of the sex--which was always amazing. But you really just wanted to talk to him. Lay down with his arms wrapped around you while you complained about work and how frustrating your coworkers were being.

By the looks of it, you weren’t going to get any of that, not even what he had promised when you had first walked in. You were tired, your clothes were starting to annoy and you wanted to cry. If it wasn’t for the fact that his front door was in line with his camera, you would’ve left already.

Wonwoo could sense something was wrong with you. Every time you sighed it felt like you were punching him in the gut. He really meant what he had said when you walked in earlier. He also meant the quiet I love you he mumbled underneath his breath when you walked past him and into the living room. He wasn’t sure when he had fallen in love with you, just that months ago he had woken up and you were the only thing he could think of. Every time he held you in his arms the three little words bubbled up in the back of his throat, wishing he could bring himself to finally say it, but his fear held him back. Afraid that you didn’t feel the same way.

“Alright, you know what I think that’s enough for tonight.” Wonwoo smiled into the camera, trying to keep up with the chat as they begged him not to go yet. “I have to go, my girlfriend is over and I want to spend time with her. Anyway, same time next week Monday guys.” Wonwoo nodded, stopping the stream. Once he was positive that he had turned everything off he felt his shoulders relax and leaned back in his chair. He closed his eyes for a second before opening them again, the panic surging through his veins was unbearable. He turned around in his chair meeting your equally shocked face.

He royally fucked up. He just confessed to his audience without meaning to confess. He had told his audience that you were his girlfriend and he hadn’t even asked you yet. The surprise and speech he had worked on all week, the reason he took a break from streaming until tonight, was for nothing. He had gotten ahead of himself and he didn’t know what to do now. Or how to fix it.

“G-Girlfriend? Wait you have a fucking girlfriend?” You stood up from his couch, blinded by anger. “What the fuck Wonwoo, when were you going to tell me? Before or after you fucked me?” You shouted, your heart was beating fast as you turned around to gather up your stuff.

Unbelievable. Here you were distracted, thinking about how cute he looked while he blamed his failure on his character. The pout that had formed on his lips as he pushed his glasses up his nose and blew out a raspberry, moving aside the strands of his newly dyed blonde hair. The frustration you had felt earlier, forgotten, replaced with admiration. Only for it to come back after what he had said, this time fiery red and ready to burn everything it touched.

“Stop, no wait, I don’t have a girlfriend. At least not yet.” He spoke fast, his words blending with one another as he quickly made his way to you. He grabbed hold of your laptop and held it against his chest.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better, did you just call me down to ignore me and then fuck me one last time before you called it quits!” You said in disbelief reaching over for your laptop.

Wonwoo turned around facing away from you. “No that’s not...that’s not what...fuck, calm down please and just let me talk.” He pleaded as he sat down on his couch, your laptop still clutched tightly in his arms. It was your prized possession, it held the first three drafts of the novel you were working on. He knew you well enough to know that you hadn’t backed anything up no matter how many times he told you to do so. So, he was positive that as long as he held onto it like his life depended on it (because it did) you wouldn’t leave without it.

You crossed your arms in front of you ”I am calm, but I don’t know if I want to listen to what you have to say.”

Wonwoo cringed, he was more nervous than what he had intended to be. He had an entire speech planned. Wrote it down, even got Jihoon to proofread it. He had performed it in front of his bathroom mirror every morning and night. He thought he had it in the bag, pumped up his chest a few times before opening his front door to you earlier. Yet, the second he saw you, he forgot everything he had planned to say. This is mainly why he had spent such a long time streaming. Hoping that the distraction would somehow help him remember.

It didn’t.

“Wonwoo, I swear if you don’t start talking in the next five seconds I’m leaving and suing you for holding my laptop hostage.”

Wonwoo sighed and slapped his forehead lightly before turning to look at you, “okay, I don’t think that’s allowed bu-”

“It is if I say that you stole it trying to steal my work, I don’t know I’ll find a way.” You shrugged, earning a glare from Wonwoo. You knew he hated whenever someone interrupted him while he was in the middle of saying something. It was something you would do to him out of spite, but in your humble opinion this time he really did deserve it. Though, it didn’t make you feel as good as you had hoped, “fine sorry, you can continue.” You sighed and sat down on his coffee table.

Wonwoo put your laptop down and leaned over his elbows taking your hands in his. “I love you and I want you to be my girlfriend. I know we agreed to just keep this casual but I can’t help the way my heart literally feels like it’s going to fall out of my ass whenever I’m with you. So yeah, I don’t have a girlfriend yet, because I haven’t asked you to be my girlfriend yet. But there’s no one else, only you, and I’m so-”

Wonwoo was cut off when he felt your body land on his, knocking the air out of his lungs. You hugged him, straddling his hips and burying your face into his chest, giggling. It felt like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders and you felt awful for assuming the worst and jumping to conclusions.

“Ask me ask me ask me ask me.” You bounced on his lap like a child. He groaned doubling over in pain.

He placed his hands on your hips to keep you from moving, “No now I know you’re actually trying to kill me.” He smirked and left a sweet kiss against your lips. A low chuckle running past his lips as he took in your pouting face, “fine, my love, my baby will you please be my girlfriend?” He cocked his head, his hands playing with the hem of your t-shirt.

“Yes, but only if you give me my laptop back and keep the promise you made me earlier.” You smiled innocently, playing with the hair on the back of his neck.

Wonwoo smirked, his hands made their way underneath your shirt. “No to the laptop, you work too much and I’m determined to back up everything on a hard drive later.” He rubbed his thumbs over the skin of your hips, slowly inching closer to the button of your jeans, “not sure I remember the promise I made earlier though, can you remind me?”

You kissed him slowly, tugging on his shirt, “you said you would finish a level before going down on me all night, and it’s four and a half levels later and I’m still waiting.” You whispered against his lips, before pulling away and bringing his shirt over his head, taking it off, throwing it behind him, aiming for the laundry basket, missing it completely, making you sigh. 

“Well you didn’t give me enough time to answer, but that can be arranged.” He pecked your lips, pushing your shirt up and over your head, throwing it behind him. “You’d have to step into my office though.” 

“Wonwoo, baby, don’t ever call your room your office.” You rolled your eyes and got up from his lap. 

He chuckled, shaking his head and stood up, “oh no that’s not what I meant, room comes later. Tonight we start in my office.” He says cheekily, pointing his thumb towards his gaming setup. Your eyes grew wide as saucers, only making him laugh harder while he pushed you towards his gaming chair. 

“Wait, you’re like not going to turn the camera on are you?” You said as he pushed you down to sit in which you obeyed. The colorful lights from his gaming setup kept you distracted as Wonwoo got down on his knees in front of you. 

“Nope, I’ve just always wanted to eat you out while you sat on my gaming chair. But maybe one day in the future if you want. You can take over my stream and play animal crossing while I secretly eat you out on camera.” He smirked, the evil glint behind his soft eyes sent shivers down your spine. The little exibitionist in him coming out. You’d be lying if you didn’t find the thought of it exciting. 

“One day.” You breathed, lifting your hips, helping him as he pulled down your pants. 

Wonwoo sent you a wink pushing your thighs apart with his hands, “We can also play overwatch together. That cute little vibrator you keep hidden in your bedside drawer, stuffed inside your pussy.” He placed his index finger over the wet patch that had formed over your panties, pushing in slightly. “And everytime you die I up the speed, see how long you can last before you have me begging to turn off the stream so you can cum.” Wonwoo kept pushing his finger in you, your panties sticking onto you like second skin. 

You threw your head back, digging your nails into the arms of his leather chair. “F-Fuck how long h-have you thought about this?” You lifted your hips as he added another finger. 

“Right now, or maybe a few times when you’re not around.” He leaned down kissing your mound lightly, “but seeing you like this, sprawled out, wet and waiting for my mouth is reinforcing those fantasies.” He worked his fingers diligently, pushing the thin material of your panties inside of you. He couldn’t wait to stuff you full with his cock later. 

You let out a whimper as his mouth traveled down to your clothed entrance. He removed his fingers licking up a stride, before taking one of your lips into his mouth and biting down on it gently. “W-Wonwoo please I want to feel your mouth.” 

“You are, aren’t you?.” He looked, staring at you through the rim of his round glasses before repeating his actions again making you whimper. “Take your bra off, play with yourself for me.” He left a chaste kiss in your inner thigh and sat back on his heels. He palmed himself over his black tracksuit pants as he watched you slowly unclasp your bra, letting the straps slide down your arms. You were teasing him, he knew this but he didn’t care. Seeing you get undressed for him was one of his favorite past times, especially because you always went extra slow for him. 

You threw your bra, not caring where it landed. You rolled your palms over your nipples, soft sighs running past your lips as you kept your eyes trained on Wonwoo. “Want to feel your hot tongue fucking me Woo.” You spread your legs even further pinching your nipples. You moved your hand down your body, your index finger playing with the seam of your panties. “Is this one of your fantasies? Me touching myself, sitting here?” You said, tilting your head to the side, moving your hand into your panties and running your index and middle fingers over your clit slowly.

“Yes.” He hissed, pushing his hand into his boxers grabbing onto his cock. “God, you make me so hard.” 

“Let me see please.” You arched your back, your fingers getting faster. Wonwoo nodded, wasting no time to free himself, his hand wrapped tightly around his length. His index finger connects with the small bead of precum that had formed, showing you how sticky and ready he was for you. 

“Want to taste?” You nodded letting out soft moans as you lifted your hips, into the palm of your hand, sticking your tongue out for him. “Fuck.” He cursed getting up on his knees, bringing his index finger up to your mouth. You closed your lips around it, swirling your tongue over the tip, savoring the salty substance. 

You pulled away with a pop, taking your fingers out of your panties and bringing them up to his lips. He took them in, moaning around them. “Do I taste good?” You said taking out your fingers from his mouth, moving them over his lips, wetting them further. 

“I’m going to have to take a closer look.” He said lowly, pushing your panties down in a haste. He spread your legs, licking up your slit, teasing your hole with his tongue. Being in between your legs was his second most favorite pastime. He savored every moment of it. Sometimes he would prolong your orgasm, keeping you on edge, so that when you came, your sweet substance would coat his lips, spilling down his chin and neck. It was the most beautiful site, one that only he had the privilege in witnessing. 

“Mmm, your tongue feels so good Wonwoo.” You pinched your nipple while tugging on the roots of his blonde hair, pushing his mouth closer. 

He moaned, slurping up your juices like you were his last meal. He wrapped his mouth around your clit, pulling it between his teeth before letting it go. “I want to be here forever but I don’t think I can last any longer without being inside of you.” He pushed two of his fingers inside of you. The feeling of your wet walls wrapped around his thick calloused fingers made his cock twitch. 

“B-But I-I want to cum.” You pouted, arching your back away from his chair, pushing your hips further into his hand. “Please, I’m so close already.” You pant, the knot in the pit of your stomach threatening to break. 

“Oh honey, you will. I’ll have you coming undone more than three times tonight.” He stated with determination and brought his mouth down again, closing his lips around your clit. He sucked harshly moaning sinfully. He fucked you faster with his fingers curling them upwards, reaching the soft mushy skin inside of you. 

“W-Wonwoo f-fuck don’t stop I-I’m so close.” 

Wonwoo let go of your swollen bud, slowing down his fingers as you clenched around them. “Look at me, I want to watch me while you cum.” You agreed with a pleasure filled sigh, watching as he pushed back his glasses. The sight almost had you coming undone. 

He put his mouth on you again, increasing the pace of his fingers. Babbles coming out of your mouth as you pulled on his hair, motivating him to go faster. The squelching sounds coming from your wet, hot pussy sounded like music to his ears. He bit down on your clit lightly, sending you over the edge, your cum coating his fingers, while you moaned his name in a sweet sinful prayer. His eyes burning holes into yours, the sight was award winning, his cock begging to be milked out. 

Wonwoo continued, riding out your orgasm. Until you felt the oversensitivity overcome your body “W-Woo, s-stop please.” You pushed his head carefully with the palm of your hand. 

He kissed the inside of both of your thighs before sitting up on his knees, taking your face into his hands. “You always look so pretty when you cum.” He pecked your lips repeatedly, before wrapping your arms around you hugging you tightly. “I love you so much.” He kissed your temple. 

“Why do you always get so mushy every time you make me cum?” You laughed gently, running your fingers down his back, making him shiver.

“You bring out in me, I can’t help it, stop complaining. I’m giving you time to recover before I bend you over my desk.” 

“Not complaining. I love it.” You kissed his cheek. “And I love you.” You whispered in his ear, taking his earlobe, pulling it between your teeth.. He groaned, swallowing hard, his getting tighter around you.

“My desk, then my couch, then my bed, then the shower, and then my bed again.” 

The sun had started to rise. It was five in the morning and your body was suddenly overcome with sleep, when Wonwoo pulled out of you one last time. He had kept true to his promise, literally fucked you the entire night, christening his apartment, except his kitchen. “If we have sex in the kitchen, the only thing I’ll be thinking about while I’m cooking is your mouth around my dick.” He said as he pushed you into the wide window of his living room, making you laugh. 

“Do you have to work today?” He placed a delicate kiss against your collar bone, laying his head on top of your chest. 

“It’s Saturday, why would I have work on Saturday?” You smiled sleepily, running your fingers through his hair. He sighed happily, pulling his sheets over the two of you and cuddling into you further. 

“You’re always working, I just wanted to ask.” He shrugged, raising his body enough to leave a chaste kiss against your lips. “Take a break today and I promise that by the time you wake up again I’ll have all of your files backed up into the harddrive I bought you.” 

You shook your head, placing both of your palms against his cheeks, squishing them. “Do you know how sexy you sound when you talk about computers.” 

“Nope, but you once told me to divide you in half when I was explaining finances to you. Now that I think about it, that statement can go both ways.” He smiled laying down on his back, bringing you along with him. Your eyes growing wide when you felt it running down your thighs. You sat up in panic, removing the sheets of your body to see if your silent hypothesis was correct.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, confused.

“Wonwoo, fuck...did we use protection?” 

Wonwoo pushed the covers away with his feet, sitting up quickly. He looked between your legs, his eyebrows furrowing in concern, “You’re on the pill still right?” 

“We changed my formula, I had to stop taking it for a few days.” You threw yourself down on his bed covering your eyes with your hands. The tears pooling against your eyes. You felt the bed dip next to you. Wonwoo took your hands in his, revealing your tearful eyes to him making him sigh. 

“Baby, don’t worry.” He kissed your cheeks repeatedly before sitting up again, “I’ll run down to the convenience store, get a plan b while you go take a bath. I’ll join you when I get back.” 

“W-What’s happens if I take the plan b and still miraculously end up pregnant, it’s only ninety five percent effective.” 

“Then I’ll be with you every step of the way. I meant what I said earlier, I love you so much and I plan to marry you and have kids with you one day. Don’t worry.” 

Your heart felt full. The butterflies erupting in the pit of your stomach. Wonwoo and you had shared many intimate dreams and desires before, but this one felt different. This was a dream the two of you shared and it made you feel at ease. “Okay, okay I will, just hurry up please.” 

Wonwoo scoffed, getting up from his bed, slipping on his sweatpants and sweatshirt. “Baby please don’t underestimate me. I’ll be back before you know it.” He leaned down giving you one last kiss before jogging over to his front door. “I love you.” He shouted, opening the door. 

You laughed sitting up on your elbows shaking your head, “I love you, now hurry I can feel your child cooking in me.” 

“Impossible, it takes roughly twenty four hours for my sperm to fertilize one of your eggs, and it’s literally been thirty minutes. Therefore you wou--”

“Wonwoo shut up just hurry.” 

“Okay I love you.” He said while closing his front door. You laughed shaking your head falling back on his bed. Your entire body was aching and though you were a little scared, given obvious circumstances. You had never felt so much warmth and happiness in your life. 

[supercorpkid]

Mind Controlled – The Series.

Part 4 – There’s no forgiveness.

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader.

Word count: 2190.

Warning: Injuries, pain, angst.

Previously on the series - part 1, part 2, part 3

Kara lands in the backyard when the first ray of the sun hits the sky. You’re still glued to her, covered in blood, sweat and tears. Your throat hurts like you’ve been screaming for hours straight. Your mind feels lazy, like for some reason you’ve lost part of your brain function. There’s blood coming out of several parts of your body, and you don’t know how any of those bruises ended up on you.

“Water, please.” You beg, when Kara goes inside the house and she takes you to the kitchen, still carrying your floppy body everywhere. You look at the kitchen wall. Bricks exposed, dust and broken parts on the floor and you gasp at the image imprinted on the wall. “I hurt you.”

“No, baby.” Kara sits you on the stool. She grabs water and pours cereal into a bowl for you. You don’t move. You can’t take your eyes from the wall. “You know I have super strength. You didn’t hurt me.”

“But I tried to.” You drink the water, so your mind gets occupied with something. What have you done? “Where’s mom? Did I hurt her too?”

“Baby.” Kara goes to you, and holds your face, gently. “I know you don’t remember anything, but you have to believe me. You didn’t hurt a single soul, ok?” You want to agree, but it’s hard because you really don’t remember if it’s true. “Eat something. You really need to shower this blood off, and you need some sleep.”

“But-” You try to argue, but Kara doesn’t want to talk anymore. So you look to the floor, finding impossible to stare at the wall and the proof you’ve acted like a monster. “Oh my God.”

“What, baby?” Kara follows your eyes to the floor.

“Mom’s vase. I broke mom’s vase.” You get up from the stool, stumbling your way to the vase. You fall on the floor, collecting one of the pieces. “She loved this.”

“My love, it’s just a vase.” Kara makes her way to where you are, crouching next to you.

“But you brought as a gift from that time you went to Japan, and she… SHE LOVES THIS!” You cry, trying to collect every piece, bleeding on the porcelain. “She will never forgive me.”

“Baby, no, no.” Kara takes the broken pieces from your hands, and picks you up. “That’s enough of self-loathing, come on.” She sits on the stool again. “Eat, please.”

You do as she told you to. It doesn’t take long until you’re clean and wrapped up in blankets and Kara’s arms, and you fall into a turbulent, but still needed sleep.

When you wake up, it’s the middle of the afternoon. You make your way to the kitchen, feeling equally shitty on the outside, but at least you can stand up now. On the inside you feel worse, like you have done things so horrible your brain is refusing to let you remember them. It sits heavy on your stomach and on your heart. You hope to Rao you haven’t done something irredeemable.

You walk in the kitchen and look around. Kara already cleaned the vase, and even though the wall is still broken, she somehow managed to make it look less like her body-shape. There’s so much food waiting for you, it looks like Kara is trying to feed a Kryptonian army.

“Hey, baby. Got some rest?” Kara comes closer, and she grabs your hands, studying them for the marks there. She looks at the marks on your wrists, and even lifts your shirt to look at the raw flesh of your ribcage, to make sure your injuries are better. They are not. “You need sunlight.”

“Momma, I’m not a sunflower.” You huff, while Kara picks you up again, taking you to the backyard, to the table there.

“Yes, you are.” She jokes and you look up to her while pouting.

“You are a sunflower.” You cross your arms, making Kara laugh.

She comes back into the house to pick up the food, and a few seconds later most of the food is in front of you.

“Where’s mom?” You ask, looking around, and since you don’t have your glasses, you can use your x-ray vision. “You said I didn’t hurt her, so why isn’t she home yet?”

“You didn’t hurt anyone, but you broke some stuff.” Kara grabs one slice of pizza, and sits next to you. Your eyes grow bigger.

“Besides her vase?” You still can’t forgive yourself for that. Kara nods. “What else?”

“Your training center.” She sighs, and your eyes are filled with tears right away. “You burnt it, actually.”

“I’m so sorry!” You cover your face with your hands, feeling embarrassed and sad. You loved going there and practicing with aunt Alex and your momma. Why the hell did you do that for?

“It wasn’t you.” Kara pulls you into a hug, and kisses your forehead. “You didn’t want to do or say any of those things. We know, baby.”

“But-” You tried to argue, still not understanding.

“Baby, you were mind controlled.” Kara breathes out her answer. “You did things you didn’t mean to. Someone else was pulling the strings. None of that was inside of you, none of that was what you once thought or wanted to do, ok?”

“Is that why I don’t remember a thing about it?” You ask, confused. Kara agrees with her head, and you look down trying to think. That’s a good thing. To know none of that was inside of you, and to know you didn’t mean to do any of that. But still, somebody used your body and your memories to hurt the ones you loved and the places you love, so that is terrifying. You look up to her again. “Someone, who?”

“Lex.” Kara lets out and you agree with your head, not wanting to hear anything else.

Ok, so you didn’t physically hurt anyone, but you know Lex (or at least his reputation), so you know that he probably found other ways to hurt people. And Lena, poor Lena, was probably his first choice for that, because he genuinely hates her.

You really want to apologize, so you can’t wait until Lena to get home for you to do so. But she doesn’t come. You wait and wait, but Lena never arrives. You probably screwed up with her big time.

Kara keeps reassuring you that you didn’t, that none of it it’s your fault, but it can’t be true. So, one day Lex mind controls you to beat up your momma, destroy important places to you, and you’re supposed to believe this has nothing to do with Lena not coming home to you?

You wake up before Kara does, and you go to the kitchen to make her breakfast, so you can somehow apologize for whatever it is that happened on the day and night before. You make her all of her favorites, and leave a note under a flower on the counter for when she wakes up.

You are the sunflower.

You don’t wait for her to wake up, though. Your heart has been desperate for hours wanting to see your mom and have her forgiveness and feel her comfort. There’s nothing more comforting in the world than Lena’s hands on your hair while you place your head on her lap.

You listen to her heartbeat, and you go to her. You land on Lena’s balcony at L Corp, looking inside to where she is sitting on the couch. You also notice other things: Her overnight bag pushed to the side, untouched food in front of her, her red eyes and puffy cheeks. It breaks your heart all the more.

“Mom.” You go to her, kneeling on the floor in front of her and placing your head on her lap. “Please, forgive me. Please.”

“Come on, baby, stand up.” Lena tries to hold your hand, but you settle on her lap, weeping mercifully.

“I don’t know what I said, or did, but I know I’ve hurt you. Please, please, forgive me.” You ask between the tears and the cracks in your voice. Lena’s hands go to your head. “I’m so sorry for everything.”

“It wasn’t you.” Lena strokes your hair, gently. “It was Lex mind controlling you. Babygirl, I’m not angry. Everything is ok.”

You lift your head so you can look at her. Lena gives you a sad little smile, while cleaning the tears on your face.

“But-but you’re here.” You look around. “You’re not home, because you can’t be around me anymore.”

“What? Baby, no!” Lena holds your arms gently, making you stand and sit next to her. She gives you a comforting hug, that feels too nice to be fake. And cups your face, right after. “This has nothing to do with you. Do you hear me?”

“I don’t understand.” You furrow your brows, looking scared and lost. “You’re sleeping in your office at L Corp right after I was turned into a monster. How can this have nothing to do with me?”

“Babygirl, do you trust me?” Lena asks. Her eyes flicker, anxiously, studying your face, like she’s afraid of your answer.

“More than myself.” It’s your most truthful sentence. She gives you a soft smile.

“Then believe me when I tell you, I’m not mad at you, and I’m not here because I can’t be around you.” She strokes your cheeks with her thumbs. “I love you more than anything, and I’m very, extremely, deeply happy that my baby is back.”

“I am.” You repeat, agreeing with your head. “Then, please come back home.”

“I can’t.” She kisses your forehead, and then lets go of your face. “Not now, anyways.”

“Mom.” You try, but she shakes her head like she’s telling you to stop this conversation.

“Please, have breakfast with me?” She asks turning to the food before you, and even though you already ate, you refuse to say no and let her eat alone.

When you’re finished eating, and you see that Lena actually ate something, you decide to pick the subject back again.

“Mom, I know I was mind controlled, but, um, I need to make sure I didn’t physically hurt you or said anything too painful.” She looks at you, pointing at herself, like she’s saying that she’s not hurt. “Right. And the second part?”

“Baby, I told you. The things you said? All Lex.” She kisses your forehead again. “Stop worrying.” You wish it was that simple. That you could just simply stop worrying, but you look at her face, you see the sadness in her eyes, and you know you would do anything to make her happy again.

Your phone starts ringing and she looks at it, reading the name in it.

“Answer it, so Kara doesn’t worry about you.” She says, and you furrow your brows.

Kara. Heart beating fast. Breath stuck in her lungs.

“Hey, momma.”

“Kid, where are you? You made all this breakfast and left me here to eat alone?”

“Came to check upon mom.”

“Oh, um, right. How-How is Lena?”

Lena. Choking on her words. Dear Rao. This isn’t about you at all.

“Sleeping at her office, so not great.”

Lena raises an eyebrow at you, and you hear Kara sucking on air.

“You guys want to tell me something?” You ask on the phone while looking at Lena.

“We’ll talk when you get home.” You hear Kara’s voice, and then the dial tone. You lower your phone and keep waiting for Lena’s response.

“It has nothing to do with you.” Lena says, holding your hands, and stroking your bruises lightly. “This is between me and your momma only, ok?”

“Mom, please, come home. Whatever it is, you two need to talk.” You ask, and she shakes her head in denial.

“Please baby. Let’s not talk about it.” Even though she added the ‘please’ you know it’s not a request. You know your mom, and you can see it on her face that you better drop the subject right now, or you will make things worse.

So, it seems that none of your moms are mad at you, or sad about the things you’ve said and done. It looks like it has nothing to do with you, and it’s a fight between them.

Alex also doesn’t seem to care, when you see her in the middle of the week, she just smiles and waves at you. She doesn’t even want to listen to your apology, she just cuts you off with a “kiddo, save that apology for a time you do this with your worst intentions. This wasn’t your fault, so I don’t need no apology.”

And you wish that could go into your brain and make you forgive yourself for the things that you know, now, you’ve done. But there’s still exposed bricks on your kitchen wall, there’s still no place for you to practice, and there’s still no Lena in your house. And as the week goes on and on, and you don’t know if she’ll ever come back, there’s no forgiveness you can give to yourself.

[writesowhatnext]

the solution is outsourcing // fred weasley

Summary: the reader is awkward… really awkward, but quite brilliant, really. Maybe that’s why Fred’s so interested

Request: hi lovely, love your writing! can i req a fluffy fred weasley x ravenclaw!reader please? maybe the reader knows something that’ll help him with a prank or something?

A/N: I had such a hard time writing this if not purely because I fell down a hunger games rabbit hole and felt like I was 12 again BUT ALSO halfway through this I was creasing because I kept having to tell myself that I absolutely could not name this ‘the highs and lows of high school quidditch’

Reader: Ravenclaw

Warnings: 1 swear word maybe?

Hogwarts, as you discovered pretty early on, was not at as boring as most schools in the area. First of all, there weren’t any other schools in the area due to it being a castle nestled just within the Scottish Highlands and all. Secondly, being a school for wizards, it had its fair share of perks that came with the territory: from learning about thestrals to broomsticks to sleeping draughts and everything in between, life at Hogwarts had a certain je ne sais quoi that most schools just weren’t cut out for.

After the second time Harry Potter, a boy in the year below, was almost killed, you figured that Hogwarts’ flair came less from its magical subjects and more from the drama of constant near-death experiences. Regardless, though, you wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

Amidst the chaos, it was easy to forget sometimes that Hogwarts was still a school. A school full of teenagers. A school full of incredibly gifted and incredibly impressionable teenagers.

Not only were you extremely blessed to be learning all that you were but you were also fairly bright, and so you were often very dedicated to your studies, making sure to soak up all the knowledge you could from every possible source. But even you weren’t immune to the consequences of a high school social hierarchy; a fact that would probably explain why your mouth was drying up faster than the Sahara Desert watching Fred Weasley across the room.

He always had this look in his eye like he knew something everyone else didn’t, you thought, your attention divided somewhat unequally between him and your History of Magic textbook. He also always managed to look attractive. You hummed as he turned, starting to approach your table. Wait, what? Your table?

Undeniably, Fred was one of the most popular boys in school.

Both handsome and hilarious, he and his twin brother George were infamous for their pranks and notorious for their quidditch playing. Everybody knew who they were and if they didn’t, they would soon enough.

Your friends, usually so engrossed in their own discussions, grew silent and your hands stilled on your textbook, your fingers pinching at the old pages. It’s not like you often watched Fred Weasley across the courtyard… or classrooms… or the Great Hall.

Well.

To your defence, though, you were usually a lot less obvious and he was usually a lot less heading in your direction.

Why was he coming over to your bench? He probably wasn’t, you thought. It was probably just a detour. Or a prank. You swallowed, unable to tear your eyes off of him. The courtyard was loud with chatter, but you’d wager your heartbeat was louder. Why was he still heading your way?

“Hi,” he said leisurely, crossing his arms over one another as he stood next to your bench. His lean muscles strained under his jumper and though your perspective was warped by your goo-goo eyes and the fact you were sat down, it was still fairly obvious that he was tall. He had the aura of someone tall, you decided, and if his crooked grin was anything to go by, he was apparently completely aware of the effect he had on you and everyone else, for that matter.

You looked behind you, your confusion growing when you found only air and realised that he was, in fact, talking to you.

You frowned, your lips puckering as you tried to form a word, any word.

“What?”

Maybe not that word. In fact, maybe any other word would have been better.

“Uh,” he said, leaning backwards and shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Hi?”

You cursed yourself under your breath.

“Hello?” you replied, your tone unsure.

“I’m Fred,” he said, his uneasy expression replaced quickly with the same charming smile.

Before your brain could catch up with your mouth, you scoffed. “I know.”

“Merlin,” you muttered under your breath, blinking and swallowing back the dryness in your throat. “I’m Y/N.”

“I know.”

The amused smirk playing on his lips almost definitely blew a fuse in your brain.

“I’ve been looking for you actually,” he said, placing his hand on your table and leaning over.

If his words weren’t enough to send you over the edge, his proximity plummeted your brain into some alternate reality where it was unavoidable to say awkward things to attractive strangers.

“Well, it’s your lucky day!” you chimed, your cheerful grin dying on your lips as you heard your own words. Why you couldn’t just behave normally was beside you.

Fred didn’t seem to mind nor notice how painfully awkward you felt.

“Isn’t it just?” he said, his surprised expression relaxing into a smirk. He turned to one of your friends opposite you and pointed to the empty space next to him. “D’you mind if I sit here, mate?”

“’Course not,” your friend said, shooting you an entertained smile and sliding up so Fred could sit facing you. His knees touched yours as he clambered over the bench.

“Now,” Fred said, his tone serious as a decidedly playful glint flickered in his eyes. “I need your help.”

You opened your mouth, probably sucking all of the air out of the quad in the process as your eyebrows knitted together. You didn’t think Fred Weasley even knew who you were. Thankfully, he didn’t wait for your brain-cells to cooperate to form a reply.

“My sister says you’re a genius. I’ll assume that’s true; I’ve never seen anyone actually read this,” he gestured towards your textbook with a lopsided smirk. “So, are you actually a mastermind or are you just fooling the rest of us?”

His eyes were so bright as he spoke, so expectant as well. Expectant? Oh, a question.

You let your gaze trail down his face slowly. His eyes were warmer up close, you thought, and he had lots of tiny freckles.

“Hello?” he said, waving his hand in front of you with a half-smile and an amused frown.

“Um,” you stalled, swallowing. “Your sister. Oh, yes, Ginny. Your sister. Ginny Weasley.”

You nodded, letting your mind catch up to the conversation and avoiding any glances towards his smiling features. “I tutored her last year. Can’t see why: she didn’t need my help. She’s rather sharp herself.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Fred rushed, already bored of the topic of his sister as he dismissed you and leant in closer. “She said that you were brilliant, though. Especially at Charms.”

Your face warmed at his words and Fred watched rather curiously as you looked away, placing your hands into your lap and fiddling with your quill under the table.

“I’m pretty good,” you said, mulling it over. “I think Flitwick just likes me.”

“Yeah, right, anyway,” he snorted disbelievingly. He pursed his lips before leaning forward on his elbows. “I need your help with a charm for a prank.”

“A prank?”

“A prank, indeed.”

You looked to your left, watching your friends pretend not to listen to your conversation. Your brain hadn’t fully caught on to idea yet that you were sat even in close proximity to Fred Weasley, let alone that you were talking to him. And now he wanted you to help him? You couldn’t decide whether stranger things had happened.

“Please?” he said, tilting his head to the side and widening his eyes. Before he sat down at your table, you didn’t know Fred Weasley; you only knew of Fred Weasley and so, what you didn’t know was that he was born with a gift. A gift that involved possessing a pair of the world’s greatest puppy dog eyes. He watched smugly as your indecision faltered and you cracked a smile at his silly expression. Something stirred in his chest at the sight of you.

“What’s the prank?” you asked, keeping up the façade of reservation. Fred knew, though: he’d got you hooked.

“Wait, wait, wait,” you said, waving your hands around wildly. Your friends had long since disappeared from the courtyard, off to their classes or to study elsewhere. “How are you going to give him the hair dye?”

“Ah,” Fred sighed animatedly, stretching his back from his hunched-over position. “That’s for me to know, isn’t it?”

You smiled, pursing your lips together as you shared a conspiratorial look.

Being around Fred, it seemed, was much easier than first anticipated. When you got over the initial shock of him a) knowing you exist and b) talking to you, you found yourself falling into a comfortable rhythm, a light banter of ideas. Every so often, though, you were struck by the slope of his nose or the crow’s feet at the corner of his eyes. You were lucky, you realised, that you had such a good excuse to distract you from just staring at him the whole time.

“Alright,” you said tightly, frowning at the parchment you had ripped out to scribble notes on. Fred’s eyes followed your face. “I think I can do it.”

“Really?”

His face lit up and your stomach dropped at how cute he looked, butterflies fluttering in its wake.

“How?”

Your brows drew together and you bit your lip, fingers drumming lightly on the paper.

“Let me-“ you said, standing up abruptly and circling around the otherwise empty bench, slotting yourself beside him without a second thought.

“Right, so I think that if you take a simple transfiguration charm and then layer it-“ You paused as a deep crease imprinted on Fred’s forehead. “Look,” you insisted, leaning closer to him and pushing your notes around, using your finger to point at your words. “All you have to do really is layer the charms to make them harder to undo and then…”

Fred didn’t listen to the rest. He couldn’t, really. Not when he could feel your warmth next to him, your shoulder pressed against his and your breath fanning against his cheek every time you looked up. He couldn’t figure out how he never noticed you before. Gruffly, he swallowed, forcing himself to pay attention.

“You top it all off with a pre-emptive counter charm and the hair dye will last a while,” you nodded, pleased with your work. “His hair will probably grow out sooner than he can fix the colour.”

Turning to Fred, only slightly surprised that he was already looking at you, you grinned as he let out a deep throaty chuckle.

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,” he muttered, shaking his head with his tongue poking out between his lips. “You are bloody brilliant.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, he snatched up the piece of parchment, swung his legs over the bench and raced off, his cheerful demeanour almost making up for the way your heart sank at him leaving. You watched him disappear down the corridor and sighed, letting your head loll backwards. The idea that things would just go back to how they were plagued your mind as you packed away your books, resting your knees on the bench.

He’d always be Fred Weasley, the most popular boy in school, and you’d just be you. Back to normal.

“Oh,” Fred said breathlessly as he appeared behind you. You couldn’t help the smile that lifted your cheeks as you raised your eyebrow.

Your smile dropped, though, when he leant closer and pressed his lips ever so delicately to your cheek. Your eyes fluttered shut at the contact and you could feel the rush of blood to your face.

“I’ll find a way to thank you for your help,” he said, beaming at your surprised expression. “Promise.”

It took a week for them to finalise the prank, it seemed. You wondered whether you’d just missed the outcome until one morning, Draco Malfoy stormed into the Great Hall with a scowl and bright orange hair. His entrance was met with whistles and cheers and as you looked over at the Gryffindor table, your eyes widened as they met Fred’s. Whilst his brother and their friends laughed and jeered, he just grinned at you. With a small burst of courage, you waved. He pursed his lips in amusement before he lifted up a paper aeroplane in his hand, gesturing to throw it.

Your eyebrows creased at the idea, but you watched with your heart beating in your chest as the aeroplane soared over to you, dropping gently onto your empty plate. Looking up at Fred, you frowned, unable to keep the smile off of your face. He urged you to open it, making faces as if to say ‘what are you waiting for?’.

You chuckled; the paper rough on your fingertips as you unfolded it. Written in rather jaunty handwriting, was a simple question signed off with a simple ‘-F’.

You, me, Hogsmeade, this weekend?

You could’ve got whiplash from how quickly your head shot up. Even from so far away, the nervousness and anticipation on Fred’s face were beyond evident and painfully endearing. You nodded, biting your lip to suppress your smile. You’d have thought it was infectious given his own shit-eating grin. He shot you a wink and turned back to his friends and you found yourself working out exactly how long you had until your date with nonother than Fred Weasley.

harry potter tag list: (added later bc braincells - some didnt work)

@creator-appreciator @decadentwastelandtrash @loveisblindness @xinyourdreamsx @brainlesspasta @hariosborn @staringmoony @rexorangecouny @alittletoomanyobsessions @peachesandpinks @yuptha-tsme @obsessedwithrandomthings @dreamer821 @iprobablyshipit91 @in-slytherin-we-trust @haphazardhufflepuff @princesof-theuniverse @whovianayesha @msmimimerton @extra-trash77 @potterverseimagine @my-own-mindpalace @sxrensxngwrites @damonwhitlock @susceptible-but-siriusexual @answer-the-sirens @thisismysketchbook @ickle-ronniekins @harrysweasleys​

[dreamersscape]

In Which I Attempt to Wreak Havoc Upon Panharmonium's Heart. Or Something.

Because I am an awesome friend, clearly, and possibly making people sad/verklempt is definitely an excellent way to (belatedly 😔 but I did start before the 15th!) celebrate Kakashi's birthday, right? ;)

I will admit up front that this is nowhere near as deftly structured and compiled as your Kakashi fanmix, @panharmonium, but that is precisely why I'm not even going to try to organize all these songs into individual playlists. Yet. Plus, I have a tendency to over-explain so this way I can better expound on why certain songs remind me of certain characters. Sorry that I sorta went a little... overboard?

Everything--except a few that aren't available on spotify, I'll link to them directly--can be listened to HERE.

What I'm Looking For - Brendan Benson | Kakashi → I may be a little biased with this one because it fits SO many of my favorite characters so well, somehow, but there's just something about the upbeat/tongue-in-cheek musical cues/delivery of lines such as 'I visit hell on a daily basis, and I see the sadness in all your faces' that just feels so Kakashi to me.

Happy Ending - MIKA | Kakashi → This is presumably a breakup song, but I enjoy it so much more in a non-romantic context (and the song itself isn't really boxed in with overtly romantic framing, so I appreciate that!). Anyway, some very important instructions IMO for listening to this with Kakashi in mind: everything before the bridge is about Kakashi up through his ANBU years, but when you get to the 'little bit of love' refrain, picture Kakashi meeting Tenzo, and then becoming Team 7's sensei, opening back up to Gai, adopting all the other leaf genin, assimilating Sai and Yamato into Team 7, and it keeps building with Kakashi gaining more and more loved ones to fill the hole in his heart, and then cry tears of joy with me! Just my personal suggestion. :D

Light - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team 7 (/all his kids)

with every heartbeat I have left I will defend your every breath

→ I've seen this song used for ship vids and I'm all ????? about that because this is clearly a song about the love you have for your child! But I suppose if one of my favorite pastimes is aggressively re-interpreting love songs in non-romantic ways, I can't begrudge the opposite process... too much, lol.

Heroes - MIKA | Team Minato

your blood on me/and my blood on you/but to make you bleed/the only thing I wouldn't do/.../I wish there was a way/to give you a hand to hold/'cause you don't have to die in your glory/die, to never grow old

Long Lost Friends - Transit | Kakashi & Obito

how long/do you have to say that/this is not the person I used to know/you are not the person I used to know/.../because lately, you've been looking at me like you've seen a ghost/and isn't it obvious who's been missing who the most

→ What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck!

Against the Voices - Switchfoot | Kakashi

'cause everybody knows/the hardest war to fight/is the fight to be yourself/when the voices try to turn you into someone else

Out of the Darkness - Matthew and the Atlas | Obito? Yamato? Kakashi? Itachi & Sasuke? Naruto & Kurama? → I'm a bit undecided about this one, or if I should just not worry about choosing one character and just let myself feel all the "inner darkness is not an innate characteristic, Danzo! They're just grieving/in a lot of pain, and they can find their way out of that dark place!" feels.

Save A Place - 1969 | Kakashi & Sasuke

so I'll keep away and save a place for you/and I'll only make the same mistakes as you/.../when all the blood all over your fingers is dried up/the pain will still linger

→ I'm not uber-confident in picking out really fitting Kakashi & Sasuke songs yet, but I hope this hits a lot of the right notes for you. :)

Thrive - Switchfoot | Kakashi

I'm always close, but I'm never enough/I'm always in line, but I'm never in love/I get so down, but I won't give up/I get so down, but I won't give up

→ See, it says right there that he's never in love! Not the crux of the song, and he's not always 'in line' either, but still! :)

Disarm - The Civil Wars | Kakashi & Obito

the years burn, burn, burn

→ I don't know how I keep collecting fictional relationships that work so well for this song, but literally every single line of this song hits so hard for these two?? Will never recover from this. (Also, I usually disregard when 'my love' pops up in the last line of the chorus, as the mood dictates. :) It's pretty incidental as is IMO.)

Renaissance - Paolo Buonvino & Skin | Sakumo & Obito & Kakashi & Naruto

let me show you one last time/let me show you one last sign/you can find it/I can't say that I can change the world/but if you let me, I can make another world for us/let me suffer all for you/make this vision all brand new/we can fight them/I can't say that I can win it all, [but] come with me and I will make my words stand tall

→ Okay, this is a very odd choice given that it's actually the theme song for a different show about the Italian renaissance (if you happen to see this, Mirjam, don't hate me!), but this could be IT! The "those who break the rules are scum, but those who would abandon their friends are worse than scum" anthem that's all about building a better world based on these principles! I really hope our sharing-a-brain talent translates to listening to this song in this way because I am feeling SOME KIND of way about this!

The Lament of Eustace Scrubb - The Oh Hellos | Kakashi → I really liked the song you chose from this album for your fanmix, so now I've feeling a tiny bit too on-the-nose with my choice, but I guess this is just a Kakashi album all around. 😆

Glass Heart Hymn - Paper Route | Kakashi(+ Obito) & Sasuke(+ Itachi)

memories as heavy as a stone/ I am empty, in my end you are my beginning

This Is Home - Switchfoot | Yamato & Kakashi (+ Team 7)

and now, after all my searching/after all my questions/I'm gonna call it home

→ All finding-where-you-belong songs are actually Yamato songs. True story!

Faust, Midas, & Myself - Switchfoot | Obito

you have one life left to leave/you have one life left to lead

→ Could this be any more perfect for Obito? It even has creepy-old-man!Madara!

Pluto - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

Always Gold - Radical Face | Kakashi & Obito/Sasuke & Itachi/Naruto & Sasuke

all my life, I've never known where you've been/there were holes in you, the kind that I could not mend/and I heard you say, right when you left that day/does everything go away?/yeah, everything goes away/but I'm going to be here till forever/so just call when you're around

→ ...but mostly Kakashi & Obito because 'there were holes in you' 😭😭😭

Lemon Boy - Cavetown | Yamato & Kakashi → You already know the delights of this song of course, but I gots to be comprehensive. :)

Everywhere I Go - Lissie/cover by Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team Minato

danger will follow me now everywhere I go/angels will call on me and take me to my home/well, these tired eyes just want to remain closed

→ I chose the Sleeping At Last cover for maximum angst, 'cause sometimes it be like that.

Uneven Odds - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

maybe your light is a seed, and the darkness the dirt, in spite of the uneven odds, beauty lifts from the earth

→ ...just like an earth style: mud wall :') Okay, okay, bad jokes aside, the seed metaphor of course makes me want to associate it with Tenzo, but this is clearly a Kakashi song!

Twenty-four - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito

life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago/and I'm not who I thought I was twenty-four hours ago/still I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/you're raising the dead in me/I wanna see miracles/to see the world change/wrestled the angel for more than a name/for more than a feeling, for more than a cause/I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/and you're raising the dead in me

I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme) - John Rzeznik | Kakashi

and how can they say I never change?/they're the ones that stay the same/.../they can't tell me who to be/'cause I'm not what they see/.../and their words are just whispers/and lies that I'll never believe

→ Yeah, I might've accidentally imprinted on Treasure Planet as a 14 year old, and then someone made sure this song would forever live in my heart by making a fanvid of it with my favorite character from my robin hood show, but! He's still here!

See You Again - Wiz Khalifa (feat. Charlie Puth) | Kakashi & Obito/Team Minato

how can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?/everything I went through, you were standing there by my side/and now you gon' be with me for the last ride

→ I am being very unoriginal here, and there are in fact already fanvids made for these relationships set to this song (along with many others featuring different Naruto relationships), but I don't think I'll be able to rest until I translate the movie playing in my head whenever I hear this song now into an actually watchable format. After all, they have come a long way from where they began, and I intend to make that both as touching and ironically hilarious as possible!

Goodnight, Travel Well - The Killers | Kakashi → Admittedly, I got this idea from a magnificently crafted fanvid done for my robin hood show, but I genuinely think it would be really interesting to make something similar for Kakashi centered around the time he technically died but got better? I don't know how to explain it, but I think it fits quite well.

30 Lives - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi & all the people he's loved and lost → can be listened to here.

A Pound of Flesh - Radical Face | Kakashi

then today I wake up feeling easy/and find I'm on more familiar roads/I got a darkness wrapped inside me/but now it ain't so hard to let it go/so keep a candle burning in the window/I'm almost home

Hold Back The River - James Bay | Kakashi & life getting in the way of him being with his precious people (you may be sensing a pattern here) → @the road of life: Let! Kakashi! And his People! Hold! Each! Other!!! Also, 'tried to square not being there, but think that I should have been' is absolutely about Sasuke's defection and Kakashi adding it to his long list of undeserving self-recriminations.

The Fall - Imagine Dragons | Yamato & Kakashi → 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

Shadowman - K's Choice | could work equally well for Kakashi or Obito, I think

any time tomorrow a part of me will die/and a new one will be born/any time tomorrow/I'll get sick of asking why/sick of all the darkness I have worn/any time tomorrow/I will try to do what's right/making sense of all I can/any time tomorrow I'll pretend to see the light/I just might/.../and doesn't it make you sad?/to see so much love denied/see nothing but a shadowman inside

Paint - The Paper Kites | Kakashi & Team 7

still there's a wound and I'm moving slow/though it don't show, though it don't show/I've got a hole where nothing grows,/how little you know, how little you know

→ A song for just how much Team 7 doesn't know about their sensei.

Always Find Me Here - Transit | Kakashi → ...most likely at the memorial stone. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (why am I like this)

Taste - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

it’s bittersweet, it’s poetry/a careful pruning of my dead leaves/it’s holy ground, a treasure chest/I'm on my knees and only scratch the surface/like fists unraveling, like glass unshattering/we’re breaking all the rules, we’re breaking bread again/we’re swallowing light ’til we’re fixed from the inside

Help - Hurts | Yamato & Kakashi

take my hand and lead the way/out of the darkness and into the light of the day/.../'cause I know what I've been missing/and I know that I should try/but there's hope in this admission/and there's freedom in your eyes/.../I can feel the darkness coming/and I'm afraid of myself/call my name and I'll come running/'cause I just need some help

→ NO ONE TOUCHE ME.

Your Soul - RHODES | A mish-mash of Kakashi & Tenzo and Rin & Obito & Kakashi and Gai & Kakashi vibes? → So like, 'oh you know when you're alone/I'm holding on and on and on and on/to your soul' reminded me of your 'when you're all alone...the only thing you really think about is dying' 'but when there are two of you...the only thing you can think about is surviving.' and now kakashi - who just saved his life - is asking him 'did you want to die' and yamato is saying 'no' there are two of them and yamato wants to SURVIVE. tags as well as Gai's steadfastness as a friend, and 'I just wanna hold your hand' made me think of Rin's "Well then, I'm just going to have to connect the two of you." while holding their hands, and the sunlight/'soul shine'/'your light' motif is just A Lot in this song!!

7 Years - Lukas Graham | Kakashi → Alright, yeah, there are already approximately a gazillion pre-existing Naruto AMVs for this song and even one or two focusing on Kakashi, but they don't capitalize on all the angst possibilities in many of the lyrics or reach the fluff potential of 'will I think the world is cold or will I have a lot of children who can warm me [when I'm old]' and I cannot abide that!

Putting The Dog To Sleep - The Antlers | Kakashi & Sasuke → Okay, on one hand, this song is One Big Oof. But I do like the (potentially odd) way I've conceptualized it for Kakashi & Sasuke? Like, the first half is Kakashi going through all the tragedies in his life and getting lost in ANBU, but then in the second half it transitions to him wanting to prevent Sasuke from having to be as alone as Kakashi once was and they can face life together? It makes me emotional!

Trust Me - The Fray | Kakashi & Obito

I found a friend, or should I say a foe?/said there's a few things you should know/we don't want you to see/we come, and we go/here today, gone tomorrow

→ There are a few lines that call Tenzo & Kakashi to mind, but mostly it's Obito & Kakashi.

The Lightning Strike (What If This Storm Ends?) - Snow Patrol | Kakashi → I had to, right? My mindscape is a little murky/scattered about what specifically I want to think about when I listen to this, but obviously it has to do with Kakashi in one way or another.

Kettering - The Antlers | Team Minato(???) → Honestly not sure if this will make any sense, but yeah, vague team minato vibes?

Swans - Unkle Bob | Kakashi & Obito/Rin/Minato/Kushina/Sakumo → They should be by his side always!!!

Looking Too Closely - Fink | Kakashi → I honestly feel rather ambivalent about this one too, but I can't deny 'truth is like blood underneath your fingernails/and you don't wanna hurt yourself, hurt yourself/looking too closely' always destroys me because... well, you know. I love suffering. :(

Souvenirs - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito & Rin

wolves - Switchfoot | Kakashi

snowfall for the battlefield/roses for the father's sons/see them red on the ground:/bleeding/when the revolution came/we were more than hungry men/we were hoping for more:/bleeding/end. begin again./all of my world is collision and spin/hope is a world that has yet to begin/awaken, oh sleeper/awaken, oh sleeper/a new day begins

→ I wanted a wolf-related song too. :)

PRODIGAL SOUL - Switchfoot | Obito, Itachi, & Sasuke; just all them wayward Uchiha boys

Coming Down - Dear Euphoria | kid!Kakashi & his relationships

the shell/that I wore/it wasn't for fun/it wasn't to make you/stick around/it was for survival/it was what I've learnt/it was for the sun/.../our love has grown/our love has flown

→ Another one I'm a little unsure of whether it makes sense outside of my head or not, but I like the vibes?

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons | Kakashi & Yamato? → Hmm, can I maybe submit this as a Kakashi-&-Yamato-just-need-to-mske-it-through-this-war-so-they-can-have-a-bright-bright-future song?

All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face | Kakashi → ...he said as he's bleeding out or after he's thrown himself in the line of fire protecting someone he thinks is a better person than himself...

Bleeding Out - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi

when the hour is nigh/and hopelessness is sinking in/and the wolves all cry/to fill the night with hollering/when your eyes are red/and emptiness is all you know/with the darkness fed/I will be your scarecrow/you tell me to hold on/oh, you tell me to hold on/but innocence is gone/and what was right is wrong

→ In a similar vein to the previous song. But goodness gracious! Were they NOT straight up describing Kakashi here?

Amaryllis - Shinedown | Yamato & Kakashi → Just tossing this one out there, not sure if it will make sense or if it's a reach... but I like it?

lost 'cause - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Sasuke

are we a lost cause?/or are we just lost 'cause/we won't be the future we refuse to see?/and if I'm your lost cause/it'll be your lost 'cause/you won't see me as I am, the possibility/that I'm not the enemy

→ 214 feels. (And before and after that, but yeah.)

Through the Ghost - Shinedown | Kakashi & Obito

so many silent sorrows/you never hear from again/and now that you've lost tomorrow/is yesterday still a friend?/.../everything that mattered is just/a city of dust/covering both of us/did you hide yourself away?/I can't see you anymore/.../did you hide yourself away?/are you living through the ghost?/did you finally find a place/above the shadows so the world will never know?/the world will never know you like I do ... like I still do

Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men | Kakashi → Just Kakashi having little chats with his ghosts, totally the most heartwarming way to conclude this section. 😅

Sleepyhead - Passion Pit | Kakashi → Just kidding! Here's a slightly less morbid song for the Most Tired Boy Of Them All.™ (Random aside: this was my customary song to listen to on my walks to 8AM organic chemistry classes; I found it strangely soothing! On a different occasion, after a particularly long day for her, one of my roommates didn't have the energy to make it to her bed but nevertheless requested a lullaby from us. So I obliged by playing this song for her, but she didn't seem to gain the same peace of mind from it as I did. 😄 I know it's not my place to propose anything like this, but it does amuse me to imagine bookends!Kakashi in these situations, even though it's not OChem classes he has to go to.)

General/Miscellaneous:

Rise Above It - Switchfoot | Ensemble

don't care what they're telling me/we can be what we want to be/.../just because it's law doesn't mean that it's fair/.../don't believe the system's on your side/.../the curse is spoken/the system's broken; rise above it

→ I mean, how could I not think about Naruto when this song also has the lines 'hear us sing tonight like the last night on earth/we will rise like the tide/like dead men coming back to life/we are rising, rising'? It's fun to be literal sometimes!

Doorways - Radical Face | Allllll the traumatized children → Someone has to put all those tragic childhood flashbacks to good use, after all.

Ghost Towns - Radical Face | take your pick of Itachi, Sasuke, or Post-Kannabi-Bridge!Obito

there's no comin' home/with a name like mine/I still think of you/but everyone knows/yeah everyone knows/if you care, let it go

Blinding Light - Switchfoot | Hey, Hiruzen? You may have coined the phrase, "children are the king" but I don't think you truly understand it... (insert Princess Bride joke here)

hey boy, don't believe them/we're the nation that eats our youth/.../still looking for the blinding light/still looking for the reason why/still looking for the sun to shine/all my life I've been living in the darkest night/still looking for the blinding light/to take me higher and higher

Brother's Blood - Kevin Devine | EVERYONE → ...but certainly so much you could do with Itachi & Sasuke, Obito & Kakashi, Shisui & Itachi, even Hashirama & Madara! Sakumo's teammates turning their backs on him and saying 'I don't know one thing about my brother's blood'?!?! There are SO MANY ideas I have for this song! It gives me chills and makes my brain scream.

We Need Each Other - Sanctus Real | Ensemble → Already mentioned this one to you, but I have to include it here for thoroughness' sake!

Whispering - Alex Clare | the Hidden Leaf's lost/ostracized children/orphans

who will care for the falling?/who will care for the falling leaves?

So this is probably a strange concept to come up with and apply to this song, but the 'whispering, whispering, whispering' parts brought Konaha's virulent gossiping/passing judgement about others and often kids they don't even know problem to mind, too, and yeah?

The World You Want - Switchfoot | Ensemble → If I were to make a fanvid set to this song, I would definitely keep a broad focus, but I can't deny that the lines 'you start to look like what you believe, you float through time like a stream, if the waters of time are made up by you and I, I could change the world for you, you change it for me' FOR SURE has strong Obito & Kakashi/Kakashi & Tenzo vibes.

Red Eyes - Switchfoot | Ensemble, but definitely many dashes of Uchihas 😄 → I would like to thank Masashi Kishimoto for creating a world where red eyes are a Thing of Importance so I can one day make a fanvid using this song in not just the tired or teary bloodshot-red eyes way, but in a very literal sense too.

TAKE MY FIRE - Switchfoot | The Will of Fire → 'Cause I think I'm sooooo clever. 😄

Above The Clouds Of Pompeii - Bear's Den | various parent & child relationships → This obviously derives from the not-caring-about-your-female-characters problem, but it always gets me that all the single parents in the Naruto universe are almost invariably the fathers! I guess sometimes you can safely guess that the mothers are still alive/exist, but either way we hardly ever get to see them. :/ The one exception I can think of right now is Kurenai, but maybe I'm forgetting another conspicuous single mother. Anyway, I don't know if this helps or hinders more a potential Naruto fanvid for this song, but regardless, it still gives me feelings?

Who We Are - Switchfoot | Ensemble → It just makes me inordinately happy that the chorus for this song starts with 'who we are (in the fever of our youth)', you know? :D

Brother - Kodaline | all the friendships we can stuff in here and then some → Quite a well known song I'm pretty sure, but I love how many dynamics one could showcase in a potential fanvid of this. And, not gonna lie, 'oh brother, we go deeper than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos' deserves to be used in some sort of Tenzo 'n' Kakashi or Team Ro fan creation!

Special Bonus:

Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine | Kakashi & Obito → I'm not sure whether I would have realized how well this works for Kakashi & Obito on my own, funnily enough, but then I found this fanvid of it (containing only scenes you've seen naturally!) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so well done!

[mangozcat]

hi hi!! It’s a request- uhm can you do a Jeno fluff where it’s a best friend to lovers and you both just slowly fall in love with each other..? Thank you🥺🥺🥺 -🦋

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. lee jeno x fem!reader 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄. fluff, best friends to lovers, tiny bit of angst 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. it was under horrible circumstances that you met. everything seemed dimmer, you felt unmotivated and worst of all; lonely. but then there he was, with a big gummy smile on his face, purely there to lift your spirits. it felt like fate, and if you could go back, you’d fail seventh grade all over again just to meet him.

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. hi! I’m so sorry that this took absolutely ages. it took a long time for my brain to come up with a way to write a slow burn, since I’m not really good at that kind of stuff. so, I put a ton heart into this because this is actually based off of my life! I substituted jeno for my childhood friend and everything that happens in this story is very much real (minus the romance), which is why it’s so personal to me. I hope you enjoy this and that it’s not a huge let down!

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐌𝐄𝐓 𝐉𝐄𝐍𝐎 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐋𝐄 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐋. it had been under rather unfortunate circumstances, to be honest. having just been forced to go through with your seventh year of school again, it was depressing, especially since you had already done half of it the year before. but in a sense, you were also grateful for your lack of worth ethic in online school, because it allowed you to return during the second portion of the year and meet him.

he was cute and particularly sweet. the first things that had drawn you to him were his chubby cheeks and beaming smile. he was the epitome of child-like innocence. you noticed quite quickly from the one class you shared with him that he enjoyed mixing work and play. he was sure to ask questions about the lesson at hand, not afraid of it embarrassing him. after all, failing would just embarrass him more. but at the same time, jeno was carefree, funny, and loved to joke around to lighten the tension in the classroom.

at first he hadn’t really noticed you. he knew there was a new girl in his class and that you were supposed to be a grade ahead, but he wasn’t too caught up in your arrival like some other people were. they would bombard you with questions about where you came from, forcing you to re-explain the situation for about the eighth time within three days. after awhile, you stopped counting.

but it was when you slipped during class that he finally noticed you. it wasn’t a mocking kind of attention, nor was he laughing to humiliate you. he did laugh at the incident, but to be fair, you laughed too. and to make up for it, he even helped you get up off the floor. “some shoes need better grip,” you had huffed out, patting down your shirt. 

jeno had smiled, releasing a small laugh, agreeing wholeheartedly as he slid his foot along the slick floors, pointing out how his foot was sliding too. “it’s the floors,” he said, walking over to where the computers were stacked neatly in a pile, making you follow after him to keep up. you used him as a little guide as to what you were supposed to be doing in the class; after all, he had been there for a half a year and you were there for a mere few days. “they hardly clean them, and when they do, it’s left slick with water. so either way, it’s a lose-lose situation.”

you had shrugged during that time, simply accepting that things happen, people slip, but that you always had to get back up.

you weren’t aware, at the time, how easy it would be to fall into routine with jeno. grabbing computers together, holding small conversations during that time. and when he had to go back to his desk, he’d always shoot you friendly smiles during the lesson. the two of you even began eating lunch together and he introduced you to his friends.

they were definitely not as open to the idea of adding someone new to their friend group. you understood that part pretty well. when you were still in your correct grade, with the people you grew up with, it always felt strange when someone new joined the school. it wasn’t that you were a rude person or incapable of allowing others in, it was merely the fact that it felt odd; wrong. the group had been formed for so long that any foreigner being spotted within its’ bounds seemed off.

it took a long time to get used to, for both you and them. seeing this new face daily, beginning to get to know someone new. it was uncharted territory, or at least, it was a land they hadn’t explored since they were little. but you managed to bond, slowly but surely, with the other boys and began getting comfortable around them.

and over time, the pain of not seeing your former friends slowly eased away.

he was helping you more than he realized, especially since people had taken more to just staring at you than approaching. they were interested in you for sure; your origins, why you weren’t in the correct grade, everything about you. but no one actually put in enough effort to say anything aloud or ask questions, or simply be near you at all. they simply watched from afar.

jeno hadn’t exactly done any different, it was all circumstantial. but after your odd meeting, he put in effort to keep the friendship alive, surprising you. he was a friendly guy, not just to you, but to everyone else too. it was reassuring in a sense, to know that you had this nice guy by your side. you got to see him every morning, and he brightened your day more than he’ll ever understand.

jeno was your anchor. he always helped you do homework, helped you find your way to the classrooms that you had never visited before, or that had changed teachers. and often times, he’d walk with you to class. it was the start of a beautiful friendship, and you had nothing but your failure to thank for it.

sometime during your school years, jeno started changing. he was quickly becoming a handsome, well-mannered young man that had the hearts of young teens clenching tightly. they were all desperately whipped for him, and while you had to admit that yes, he was handsome, you had been friends for too long for it to change.

you were satisfied with jeno’s friendship and were appreciative of his comforting presence.

to put the progression of your friendship into words would be far too difficult. emotions? easy; there was a lot of hesitance, but then came happiness and this sudden feeling of peace. everything slowly became natural, and you had found yourself residing within the comfort of his arms.

“you gonna eat your fries?” you asked, looking up to see his face. sat between his legs, head on his shoulder with a book between your hands. one earbud was in your ear, the other in his. he shook his head, running his fingers through your hair soothingly and letting you reach over to steal the fries from his tray.

this was how most of your lunch periods went by. seeing as you and jeno shared one or two classes each year (excluding the one unfortunate year where you shared none), you’d spend all of your lunch period together. using it as time to bond and catch up. most of that time was spent in silence. it was comfortable. bot much was required to say aloud and it was just nice, sweet, peaceful silence.

jeno’s eyes were closed behind you, his head lolling to the gentle music running into both of your ears. he was rocking the two of you back and forth easily as you continued to read, vividly imagining the scenes from the book coming alive. you’d imagine the fierce lions and big cats jumping from the bushes and darting across the courtyard clearing, excited to taste the freedom of what they had been dreaming of; escape.

you never did understand why getting lost in books was so easy. maybe it was just because of the escape the inked words allowed you to have. but it always a fascination, an obsession of yours. words seemed to so easily get up and dance along the lines, shimmying their way into your mind and easily imprinting an image within your brain. stories were your safe zone, your getaway. they helped you collect your thoughts and rearrange them prettily upon your shelves.

you just adored books.

when jeno’s grip on you tightened considerably, pulling you back into him, you let out a small laugh. the boy cuddled his head into the crook of your neck and shook his head, making a ticklish sensation erupt upon your skin. giggling to yourself mindlessly as you squirmed in his arms, he simply smiled to himself. reaching forward, he grabbed the book from your hands.

“now that I have your attention,” he started, making you turn slightly so that you could see his expression. a beaming smile was dancing across his lips, making you mirror it. his eyes dazzled under the light of the sun and you wondered how you’d never realized how pretty his eyes were. they were dark, almost chocolate-colored. they were comforting, you noted.

“I require your assistance, m’lady.” he said cheekily, making you roll your eyes. lightly slapping at his chest, you whined out a sound of annoyance. he had adopted the formality after some play you performed in when you were kids, you being the juliet to some boy’s romeo. he knew you hated it.

“it was one play, jen!”

he grinned. nodding to himself, “yes, it was one, very interesting play that I swore to never forget. I’m simply sticking to my word!” letting out a little laugh at how utterly disgusted you seemed at the reminder of that stupid play, here shook his head; he’d let you off the hook this time. “anyways, I need help on the homework.”

huffing to yourself, you leaned out of his embrace for a minute to grab the paper out of your backpack. handing it to him, you leaned back into his arms. grabbing the earbud from his ear, you plugged it into your own as you let your senses become overwhelmed by the music.

jeno had frowned to himself, but didn’t argue as he copied from your paper.

there comes a point in everyone’s lives where they get into their first relationship. whether it’s some childish kindergarten one or a serious one in college, it happens eventually. it doesn’t have to last forever, nor does it have to be this groundbreaking first experience. it’s a relationship, that’s all.

or at least, that’s what you thought about your first relationship. there wasn’t any magic, no earth shattering love or groundbreaking first times. it was plain, you realized. you didn’t realize that relationships were supposed to be special. they were supposed to make you feel loved and appreciated, and make you feel as though you belonged. you didn’t know that. after all, how could you, when you had never truly experienced the true love of what a relationship was meant to represent?

when you saw people on tv or around campus, you couldn’t help but notice the things in their relationship that wasn’t in yours.

they held hands and exchanged public affections. your boyfriend rarely ever spared you a glance, nor did he put any effort into spending time with you. most people would be eager to spend time with the person they claimed to love. it would invoke excitement even at the mention of being near them. so how come, despite sharing four classes, there was always distance between you? over half of your day was spent together, seats right beside each other, projects intertwined because you were partners. so why did everything feel so wrong?

you liked him, you really did. but every day you regretted ever dating him to begin with. it was such a kick to the gut when you remembered that it was him who asked you out, who put so much love and care into your first date. and that at the same time, it was him who seemed to avoid your existence in general.

“y’know, staying in your bedroom isn’t helping,” you heard jeno sigh from the doorway of your room. your mom surely let him in, you knew, as you huffed at the intrusion. he glanced around at the messy space and raised a brow at it’s appearance; you were always the tidy type.

peace and quiet was never going to come, was it?

“am I not allowed to wallow in my misery?” you said, peeking your head out from under the covers, your eyes filled with unshed tears. jeno knew well enough about the incident. it wasn’t some well kept secret, seeing how public the display of anger was. your boyfriend had yelled at you in the middle of the courtyard, leaving you humiliated and lonely.

jeno only sent you a comforting smile to cover up his own frown. holding up a box of cookies, he shook them eagerly as he came bounding into your room. taking his shoes off in a hurry, he declared, “well, as long as I exist, you aren’t allowed to do anything alone!”

a small smile bloomed on your face as he crawled over your bed, resting himself behind you, atop the covers. you turned around, coming face to face with the beaming boy. sending him a small, sad smile, you finally caved in and rolled yourself into his open arms. he only patted your back, chin atop your head as the two of you shared these simple, though comforting moments together.

you both knew that your heart hurt. but at the same time, you desperately tried to cling onto the few good memories of him that you had. he still loved you, he promised he’d always love you. the reality was simply to hard to accept, and you knew that if you actually faced it, it’d only make you hurt more.

he did love you.

when your boyfriend finally broke it off with you, you were left feeling like a used toy. useless, worthless, so incredibly naive. you ended up hiding away in your room, begging your mom to not let anyone in so that you could be alone. you didn’t want to be alone, but the thought of having anyone with you also felt so miserable and embarrassing.

it had been a few days since you closed yourself off. you struggled to attend school and the rare times you actually showed up, you avoided all traces of humanity. it felt like eyes were always on you, following you around. you felt so unexplainably exposed under their gazes.

when jeno showed up at your doorstep for probably the tenth time since the breakup, you were beginning to get tired. you missed your best friend, but at the same time, you were so overwhelmed by what you were feeling. your mom was probably the smartest person in your life, so when she let him in, you were both confused but also didn’t want to question her reasons.

mom knows best, you had been told.

you could hear the padding against your stairs as he practically ran up the flight, bouncing between steps. he didn’t even bother knocking on your door before opening it, staring at your figure sprawled across your bed. tear-stained cheeks and eyes that seemed to be so far away; the windows to your confused and lost soul.

but you were surprised to see the same thing reflected in his face. he had bags beneath his eyes as if he hadn’t been sleeping. he seemed visibly thinner, almost as if he wasn’t eating properly. and his hair was messy, his clothes still what he woke up in. he was unkempt, to say the least.

the first thing he did was meet you on the bed. arms instinctively wrapping around your figure and drawing you as close as possible, though his grip remained gentle, as if he’d break you. you sniffled instantly, tears swimming in your eyes as you buried your head in his neck. he had pulled you into his lap sideways, supporting you with his arms.

“talk to me,” he whispered out into the crown of your head, showering your hair in gentle, wisp-like kisses.

“I feel,” you started, biting back the lump in your throat and fighting off the tears threatening to escape your eyes. your eyes glossed over as you took in a long, shaky breath of air. “so, so alone. my mom’s here, and I see her every morning. and I go to school and talk to people but-”

suddenly, his hands were on your face, making you look at him. his brows were furrowed, his chocolate eyes hurt. “you aren’t alone,” he said your name sweetly, surprising you in how softly it slipped from his lips. “I’m here, I always have been, and I always will be.”

and then, you realized.

he was right.

jeno had been by your side throughout everything. regardless of how much time you spent together, it never seemed like enough. always desperate for more, always wanting to taste the sweetness of the other’s presence. it was like a sweet drug, and you were no foreigner to the withdrawals. jeno was everything you realized you had been searching for.

no distance was too far, nor was it too short when it came to the two of you. he was always there to make you smile, to bring light to your days, to cheer you up. and by the looks of him, any pain you felt was almost like a dig at him too. he was your number one fan, always supporting you throughout. 

you had been searching for this perfect instance. one where your boyfriend would finally notice how important you were to him. where he would chase after you to fix what he had broken, to restore the peace between the two of. to bring the magic, the love, back to the relationship. yet, that never happened. it was merely a distant dream, one that would never be achieved or become reality.

maybe in some other universe it would be real, and you’d be happy.

but that universe wasn’t this one. this universe was far more meaningful. because despite all the pain, it lead you to him, it lead you to realize; jeno was always there. he would never leave your side. and just how he’d been banging on your door for days straight, he’d continue to do so to your heart.

lee jeno, the perfect boy that would never let you be alone. lee jeno, the childish, the brave, the sweet, the caring. lee jeno, the boy of your dreams. lee jeno was him. lee jeno was who you had been searching for, had been dreaming of, unaware of the fact that he was right by your side the entire time.

and that’s why you kissed him.

because he was the boy you had been after. he wasn’t your first boyfriend, you both knew that. but he was your first love, and that would never change.

[official-weasley]

The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley: Pt. 7, Ch. 7

PART 7: THE YEAR OF HIDING AND PASSION Chapter 7 - This Isn't Goodbye

Nova

I didn't know what was harder to believe the fact that it was Charlie and I's one-year anniversary or that we have less than two months left of our last year at Hogwarts.

I was studying in the Great Hall with Tonks, who was with me most of the time for the past month. Penny seemed to be doing nothing but crying over the fact how much she will miss all of us and she was driving Tonks insane. I tried not to think about it as much as possible as I knew it was going to be hard to say goodbye to living here at school.

McGonagall was getting less strict on me in our last few Advanced Transfiguration sessions. If I didn't know any better I would say she was getting sentimental. It will already be hard to leave this place without the teachers missing us too.

Tulip was getting rather impatient and seemed as she couldn't get out of here fast enough. She and Jae have been fighting more than being all over each other lately and she didn't look like she is going to miss Hogwarts at all.

I have been keeping myself as busy as possible and just tried to enjoy the last two months as much as I could. I found myself strolling around the school on my own a lot. It was like I was saying goodbye to every part of Hogwarts. I even fell into a deep conversation with the Fat Lady, the portrait that is guarding the Gryffindor Common Room, one day when I was waiting for Charlie. She was a bit tipsy but I got a lot of gossip about other portraits from her.

Because Tonks was with me most of the time, Andre had to take on the Penny duty. He seemed exhausted most days as he tried balancing studying and making sure Penny had enough handkerchiefs to wipe her nose in. He never complained or seemed annoyed about it and I am sure Penny appreciated it as much as we did.

Barnaby tried talking to Tonks a few times and she only gave in once. She said that he looked dashing that day and that since everybody's whining about the end of the year might as well have a proper goodbye. Their relationship always was so peculiar to me but I knew Tonks well enough that I knew it suited her so I fully supported it.

Charlie and I, on the other hand, have been great. Nothing really changed except the fact that we tried hiding our excitement, that we are soon going to work together, from our friends. We knew that Penny would be mad that we were so hyped about our job and not all miserable about leaving school.

Lately, it's all we could talk about. Charlie told me about everyone he has met and told me how they are, personality-wise and I couldn't wait to meet everyone. We made speculations about where I would be working and how they were planning to introduce Dragons to other creatures. Like we did for the Creatures Reserve, we also made a list of all creatures we think I will work with. It was all in good fun because I know I will love my job no matter what animals they assign to me.

In my free time, I tried to best prepare myself for the job. I knew I would have a whole month after N.E.W.T.s to get everything ready but I wanted to get there with a strategy. I tried putting myself in different scenarios with various creatures and Dragons, thinking about what they have in common and what they don't, about what the best approach to make them like each other would be. I got goosebumps just thinking about it, that's how excited I was!

—

“Tonks, could you tell me how to properly cut a Mimbulus Mimbletonia again. I can't seem to get this plant straight.” I sighed as I tried to quiz myself on some of the toughest questions and I couldn't seem to get this one right.

“Always do it without a spell and cut straight down, near the main stem.” She answered without even thinking about it. I nodded and closed my eyes, trying to imprint the answer in my brain. It was the simplest thing to remember.

“I think I finally understand this charm!” Tonks exclaimed, rolling her eyes. One good thing about Tonks wanting to spend time with me was that I could keep an eye on her. It was our N.E.W.T.s year and she has been notorious for running away during exams and even though she already had a job secured, she still had to do very well on her examination.

“I told you you'll get it. Just keep practicing.” I encouraged her and repeated her answer in my head for Mimbulus Mimbletonia just to make sure I still got it.

“Hi, Nova.” I turned around and saw Murphy getting closer to our table. It was one of the occasions that I didn't flinch or stiffen when he showed up. Ever since Charlie snapped and we talked about it I have felt more relaxed saying hello to him in the corridors or the Great Hall.

“Hi, Murphy. How are you?” I put my notes down. Tonks looking at us with interest.

“I am great! I know we haven't talked much lately but something happened that I just have to share with you.” He was beaming and shaking in his chair from excitement.

“Do tell!” I turned around completely now, eager to hear his news.

“You are looking at the new commentator for the Holyhead Harpies!” He tried to keep his voice at a normal volume but I couldn't blame him that he failed. He told me that that was his dream job when we were hanging out in our Fifth Year.

“Murphy, that is amazing!” I jumped to my feet and leaned down to hug him. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you! I just got the letter this morning and I just had to share it with you.” He grinned, moving back and forth.

“I'm glad you did.” I smiled. “You deserve it!”

“Will be able to cheer for Bonnie now!” He said proudly. Boonie was the Hufflepuff Keeper Murphy was dating for quite some time now.

“I heard she is going to play for them!” I exclaimed. His cheeks turned pink and I knew he was proud of her.

“Well done for both of you, Murph.” My smile grew bigger. I was genuinely happy that things turned out so great for him. “You and Bonnie look great together.” I didn't know what made me say that but I just felt the need to do so.

“Likewise, Nova, likewise.” He stretched out his hand to me and I shook it. I knew that this was probably one of the last conversations we would ever have and with all that happened between us, I was happy to say goodbye.

A moment later, Charlie sat down next to me and kissed my cheek. Tonks was observing him carefully, knowing full well he saw me talk to Murphy. She wanted to see how he will react but he seemed pretty unphased about it.

“Did you know Bonnie's going to play Quidditch professionally!” He finally looked at me. “She deserves it, really talented.” He added.

“Yeah, she is!” I looked at Tonks not knowing what else to say. “Murphy got the commentator job for the Harpies.” Sometimes I should just keep my mouth shut.

“No way! That's awesome!” He sounded sincere. He leaned to me and whispered. “I'm glad you got to say goodbye.”

“Me too.” I admitted. My heartbeat returned to normal when I saw that he really got over the whole Murphy thing and I was proud of him for that.

“So, what are you two lovebirds going to do today on your anniversary?” Tonks changed the subject.

“How do you know?” I asked, surprised.

“Penny told me this morning. It was the only thing that made her smile before she returned to her sobbing.” Tonks rolled her eyes.

“I would tell you Tonks, but Nova doesn't know what I'm up to.” Charlie winked at me. He has been planning something for a week now and as much as I liked surprises I couldn't wait to see what he came up with.

“She'll tell me tomorrow anyway.” Tonks swung her hand, indicating she was okay with not knowing.

“I'll leave you two to study. Got to go check up on Jae.” He turned to me and kissed me.

“How is he, by the way?” Tonks asked. “Tulip doesn't want to talk about him to us at all.”

“Not going to lie, it doesn't look good.” Charlie shook his head.

“Are you serious?” I asked bewildered. I knew they were fighting a lot lately, but I didn't think it was that bad.

“Yeah, I guess the realization of the long-distance is kicking in.” My stomach turned at Charlie's words when I remembered that we could've been in the same position if I didn't get the job in Romania.

“Anyways, got to go. Don't know how long he'll keep me and I have to get to my team later.” He sighed. “Last game of the season next week.”

“Are you going to miss them, Charlie?” Tonks asked.

“Yeah.” Charlie nodded. “This year's team was brilliant.” Even though they lost their first game against Slytherins, they did amazing against Hufflepuff and were 100 points ahead of Ravenclaw so I was confident they are going to win the Cup one more time before Charlie leaves.

“Have you decided who to appoint Captain for next year?” I put my hand on his shoulder. He was debating between Angelina and Oliver for weeks now.

“Wood. I think he'll do great.” He grinned, confident in his decision.

“See you at 8.” He pressed his lips to mine again. “Don't forget, the Seventh Floor.” He reminded me and started towards the exit of the Hall.

—

I tried my best not to be late for our date but I simply couldn't decide what to wear. If Andre wasn't so preoccupied with Penny I would've gone to him for advice. I decided to go with something casual rather than anything else because I wasn't sure what Charlie had planned and he didn't say anything about having to be in certain attire.

I hurried from the Ravenclaw Tower to the Seventh Floor where Charlie was already waiting for me, not at all bothered that I was late.

“Couldn't decide what to wear?” He laughed a little. I nodded. “I like your choice. You look beautiful.” He leaned to me and kissed me. After a year of dating, I still blushed every time he complimented me.

“Are you ready for the surprise?” He grinned. I nodded again and turned my head to the door. He made me close my eyes and I could hear him opening it.

“Okay, you can open your eyes now.” He whispered in my ear as he stopped pushing me forward. I did so and gasped.

The room was much bigger than on our other dates. Everything was still wooden but somehow looked more modern. There was a big fireplace on the right and there was a sofa in front of it. There was a small kitchen in the far right corner and something already smelled nice and on the left side, there was a dining table, with flowers on them.

“Char, this is...” I couldn't find the words for it. If I ever imagined us living together, it would be in a place like this.

“You like it?” He chuckled and took my jacket off.

“Like it? Can we live here!” I exclaimed and he laughed.

“Soon.” He smiled at me, making me shake my head.

“What do you mean?” I started looking around. It was so cozy and so homey that I never wanted to leave.

“I did my best to recreate the cottage I am staying at in Romania.” I gasped. I couldn't believe it was this beautiful. “Of course, you can see it's missing a bed,” he giggled, “but that's usually on the second floor and I think we managed more without one.” He winked and fluttered the butterflies in my stomach.

“This is similar to your place in Romania?” I was still in awe at how beautiful it was. He nodded. “How do you ever leave?” He laughed at my question.

“I wouldn't, if it wasn't for you, love.” He pulled me into a tight embrace and I couldn't help but pretend we were already there. If I was excited before he showed me this, then I don't know what I was feeling now.

“Want some dinner? I cooked myself.” He pulled me towards the kitchen.

“You cooked?” I raised an eyebrow. We did help Molly every Summer but he has never shown any interest that he would like to attempt anything in the kitchen on his own.

“I asked Penny for some recipes. I hope you like spaghetti.” My eyes sparkled. I wanted to marry him on the spot.

The dish was delicious and I teased him that he was going to do all the cooking in Romania. We reminisced on the Ball and our first date and just talked about how good we are together. We decided to get comfier, so we moved our conversation to the sofa.

I loved how we could be a couple and best friends at the same time. I loved how much we could make each other laugh without even trying and how much fun we were having together. I couldn't believe that we were going to work together and not only do what we love but also have each other.

“So what do you want to do now?” Charlie asked softly as it was getting pretty late. We haven't spent a night with each other since the Burrow when Bill was covering for us and I think it was about time we did so.

“Make love to me, Charlie.” My gentle voice made his eyes widen and I loved how those words always made him blush. He got closer to me and pressed his lips to mine and when I closed my eyes, I saw my whole future with him.

—

“I can't believe we are doing this.” Penny sobbed, holding my hand.

“Get over it, Haywood.” Tonks rolled her eyes, her arm locked with mine on my other side. “Why don't you become a professor here, if you're going to miss this place so much?”

“I am not going to miss the school as much as I am going to miss you!” Penny frowned at her and I heard Tulip sigh next to her.

“We are all going to miss each other.” I tried calming them down.

We only had a few more days at school before we would take the Hogwarts Express one last time. We were walking through the corridors, saying goodbye to every professor we've met along the way and to anyone we knew that passed us.

Gryffindor won the House Cup and I knew Charlie was going to have an easier time leaving now. He made Wood Captain and the kid was so excited that he stumbled over his broom and fell flat on his nose almost making them late for their last match. Fred and George told me that Charlie gave his famous speech for the last time and that they let him do it without interruptions.

We were done with our N.E.W.T.s and even though the results didn't matter to me at all, I was still proud of how good I did, despite thinking I was going to fail at the beginning of the year. Tulip only cared for doing well in Astronomy and we all knew Penny did an amazing job even though she did more crying than studying in May.

Tonks surprised us one last time. She was a nervous wreck but she pulled through. Penny brewed her a couple of Calming Draughts and we kept telling her to imagine herself being an Auror and apparently, that did the trick. The information of what she wanted to become would come in very handy in our first couple of years.

“We did have fun, didn't we?” I said, tightening my grip on both Tonks and Penny. We owed everything to the school and our professors. All our friendships, all our relationships and accomplishments, and definitely the fact that we are all able to follow our dreams.

“Oh, I will miss you so much!” Penny stopped in the Courtyard and pulled us all in a hug. We hugged her back as I couldn't help but get emotional as well.

“Miss Blackwood, my I have a word?” I lifted my head and saw McGonagall standing near the fountain. I asked the girls to wait for me by the Lake and walked to her. She was last on my list to say goodbye to as Charlie and I already went to Kettleburn, spent an evening with Hagrid and I said goodbye to Flitwick yesterday.

“Yes, Professor.” I said as I got closer.

“I usually don't do this but I wanted to say goodbye.” I could swear I heard her voice shake. “It's been a pleasure, Professor.” I pressed my lips together to try and keep my chin from shaking. She did so much for me and she taught me more than anyone else in this school. “Thank you for believing in me and thank you for everything.” I wanted to hug her but I knew that would be crossing the line.

“Miss Blackwood, you have been one of the most talented students I had in years.” She bestowed me with one of her rare smiles. “If you ever need anything, anything at all...I am only one owl away.”

“Thank you, Professor. I appreciate it.” I can't deny that she has been a sort of a mother figure to me here at school.

“Run along now, before we get too emotional.” She sniffed and waved her hand at me. I smiled, trying hard to hold in the tears, and made my way towards the Lake.

Jae, Andre, and Charlie joined me, Tulip, Penny, and Tonks for one last hang out under our favorite tree. So much has happened at this spot. We hung out, we had so many fun moments, Penny and I fought, and Charlie and I fought. It was the place where Charlie and I first kissed and got into our biggest fight over Murphy a few months ago. But that was all behind us now as we started to tease Tonks about how many times she ran away from us over the years because of the exams.

[glitxhwayventeen]

Lonely Hearts Club

Seokmin: Chapter 1 (One More Light)

Characters: Seokmin x female reader

Genre/Warnings: multi-member au (different scenarios), werewolf au, fantasy, angst, potential blood mentions, genocide mentions, runaway mentions, emotional manipulation? (If you can call it that? Idk you decide), mental illness (depression implied), sexual mentions, mentions of death, mentions of violence. Any others will be put as warnings when future chapters are thought up/written.

Author’s Note: This story is gonna be a bit of a heart puller. Sorry. But for this chapter anyways, I recommend listening to One More Light by Linkin Park because it really goes well with this chapter.

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts

🥀

Lonely Hearts Club Master List

Chapter 1: One More Light

The way you moved was devastating. The way you laughed was harmonious. The way you smiled was infectious. The way you smelt was intoxicating. He’s been so giddy ever since you came through their doors. He finally found you.

His brothers had told him to wait and be patient, but who was he kidding, waiting was impossible for someone like him. He always had so much love to give. When he loved, he loved with all his heart. So it’s no surprise that he was already in love with his mate that he’d only known for a few days. He had told you he had imprinted on you the day after you woke up from your injury, three days ago. Your response was less than ideal, you simply let out an “okay” and walked the other way. He couldn’t lie, your reaction stung him a bit, he wanted you to be just as in love with him as he was with you.

You were really cold to him. Colder than you were with anyone else in the house. But he understood that that can happen sometimes and that it could take you some time to come to terms with having a mate. He was just hoping that time would speed up so he could reach his happily ever after sooner.

-

As you walked downstairs for dinner, you saw him sitting there again. Your eyes automatically went to him when he was in a room, you couldn’t stop it. No matter how hard you tried, your body’s natural reaction was to want to see him. He was already looking at you, before you had even made it fully down the stairs, with stars in his eyes. You couldn’t help but scoff under your breath.

Your stupid instincts once again had fucked you over. That’s what that new feeling you felt on the first day was, you had imprinted on a young wolf in Seungcheol’s pack. But You didn’t want a new mate. You didn’t NEED a new mate. You just wanted to be left alone. You just wanted to be left alone to die. But NOOOOO. They HAD to come and play heros and save you and keep you from seeing the end of a silver bullet. You understood that they were just trying to help, so you weren’t really upset with them, just more so sad that you had to continue with your shitty life.

While you were sitting down at the kitchen table eating, you could feel his eyes on you, watching your every move like you were some sort of goddess. The feeling had your skin tingling. You hated it. Because, now that you had a mate, you knew you could go into heat. You’ve never had that problem before, you weren’t mature enough back then to experience it. But you knew it could end up VERY bad if you weren’t careful now that you were able to go through it.

Being in the same room with him was getting harder and harder. It felt like the room was getting hotter and hotter. Like you were suffocating in his delicious aroma. You couldn’t keep this up. By tomorrow, you knew you’d want to hump his brains out. And you DEFINITELY didn’t want that to happen.

You couldn’t deal with it much longer, as you finished your last few bites of your dinner, a reeling hot flash hit you when your eyes met and he looked deep into your icy blue orbs. You were sweating and you felt like your every layer of skin was being peeled back to expose all your nerves. The slight breeze in the room was making things that much worse. Fuck. You HAD to get out of there before this shit got more out of hand.

You quickly got up from your chair and washed your plate in their sink. It startled quite a few of the pack members around you and their mates because no one else had done that just yet. The boys could… smell- that something was different about you. They didn’t know what exactly as they had never even been around or heard of a female wolf before, but they still knew SOMETHING was weird with you. They just couldn’t put their finger on it. Even so, they tried to continue their dinner as nonchalantly as possible as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

“Well SOMEBODY’S in a rush” joked Joshua, who had his mate all but sitting on his lap feeding her portions of her food.

“Yeah (Y/N). You good?” Mingyu asked in a similar manner, but you could see he was actually curious as to why you wanted to make a sudden exit from the table.

“Yeah. I- uh- I’m fine. I just need to head back to my den tonight. I’ve been away too long and I- um- I need to go make sure everything’s alright.” You stuttered while not looking at any of them and with quite a bit of hesitation. You were hoping none of them would question why you were so on edge and why you wanted to leave. But obviously with Seokmin there, your hopes had been smashed to pieces the second he spoke up.

“You’re leaving??? You can’t leave! I mean- I didn’t mean it like that but- I mean, you still aren’t healed properly. You could get hurt again!” The frantic words left his mouth as soon as you had finished your own sentence moments before.

You couldn’t leave him, he just found you. He HAD to make you stay somehow. He couldn’t just let you walk away without knowing whether or not you’d come back to him. His heart was beating out of his chest in panic, what was he gonna do if you left him??

“I’ll be fine. I’ve taken care of myself for a long time now. I appreciate you guys helping me out but-” you tried to brush off their worry, wanting to make a quick get away as soon as possible. But Seokmin stood up from his seat and hurriedly retorted your little speech.

“But nothing! You still have a hard time walking around without holding onto something. There’s no way you’re leaving in this state!” He gestured with his hands as he got closer to you.

God, did he have to smell so fucking good? You had to shake the thought off, you had to control yourself. You had one focus right now and that was to leave before you did irreversible damage.

“Who are you my father? I can leave if I want to!And i WANT to leave! I have other things I have to do and I won’t put them on hold any longer! I can’t!” You punctuated your sentence by throwing your hands in the air.

“Seokmin’s right (Y/N). You still aren’t doing your best. If you’re not careful, you could get yourself killed. It’s probably best you stay here at least for another few days.” Hansol tried as the pack’s resident doctor in an attempt to keep his brother from going crazy at the idea of losing his mate so soon.

They all really liked you, even if you weren’t… the warmest person towards their packmate. They all could see you were just putting on a brave face. They didn’t want you to go run off and get yourself in trouble without them backing you up.

“I can’t! I have important business to attend to this week. I can’t put it on hold just because I’m still not 100% better. I have to go” you say, standing your ground as best you could with Seokmin standing right in front of you with his stupidly warm glowing aura that made you wanna tackle him to the ground with kisses.

You just wanted to grab his beautiful face and let him take you right then and there from the way he was biting his lip while looking at you. The thought made you shiver. But you couldn’t give in to those thoughts. You WOULDN’T give in to those thoughts. You didn’t want a new mate. You didn’t want him, you had to keep reminding yourself. But You NEEDED to get out of there, for both your sakes.

Seokmin was in a panic. He couldn’t lose you. What if you never came back? What if you go hurt? What if you ran away? What if he never saw you again? He couldn’t risk losing you. He couldn’t. He looked to Seungcheol, who was sitting at the table stroking his mate’ thigh, for help.

“Okay how ‘bout this (Y/N), You go finish whatever business it is that you need to finish and a few of us will check up on you in a couple of days to make sure you’re alright? That’s fair right? Besides, you’ll definitely need another healing session or two before you’ll be able to defend yourself fully alone again” Seungcheol suggested.

He knew his brother didn’t want you to leave their house, but he also knew forcing you to stay was definitely not the right thing to do in this situation. He knew trying to leash you down would only make you resent them and more defiant. At least this way, they could still make sure you were alright and you’d get some independence. Everyone would win. Seokmin had a little whine emit from his chest at the thought of not seeing you for a while, causing Cheol to look to his brother’s depressed face. Well… everyone would win except Seokmin that is…

“Fine! If that’s what it’ll take for you guys to let me go, fine. But I NEED to leave and I need to leave like yesterday!” You repeatedly tapped your foot to the ground, almost waiting for some sort of reaction from them.

Hansol got up from his seat, “Okay. How about we make sure you get to your cave safely? That way we can make sure we know you got there okay and we’ll know how to find you later for your check up.”

“Fine. That’s fine, whatever. But I need to go now!” you declared while heading for the door, knowing full well you didn’t bring anything to their home but the clothes on your back.

You never really owned anything anyways. You had to move around and run so much that you never thought it a good idea to own too many material possessions.

“Better get going then.” Seokmin said semi-coldly, not really wanting you to leave, but also realizing that he didn’t get much of a say.

-

On your way to your den, it was decided that Hansol, Jeonghan, Jun, and Seokmin would accompany you on the journey. They wanted to be sure they had enough people that would know where you were staying so they had multiple people who could find you later. They wanted an Alpha to go with you to make sure the boys stayed in line, mostly Seokmin, so they had Jeonghan go. Jun went because you were more comfortable with him as you were both foreigners and kind of hit it off, making fast and perfect friends. Hansol went because he was the pack’s healer and he would more than likely be one of the ones to check on you later. And of course, Seokmin went because he wanted to spend every possible second he could with you.

It wasn’t that far, an hour or two’s walk in human form at best. But You wanted to just dash there in your wolf form so you could get there. It irritated you that you couldn’t already shift to a more familiar form that you were used to and felt more safe in. Though you knew the boys with you just wanted to protect you, so you made the slow walk to your little home next to the boys.

“Hey (Y/N). Can I ask a question?” Jun spoke out of no where next to you.

“I mean you can ask, doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily get an answer though.” You causally let out, stepping over a big rock in order to continue your way to your den. You didn’t mean it in a mean way, the boys all knew that, it was just your personality. You preferred to keep things short, blunt, and sarcastic, kinda the exact opposite of your mate’s style.

Jun bit his lip and played with his large thumbs before his voice echoed out again, “Well I mean, I could hear you talking in your sleep these last few nights, We all could. It sounded like you were having quite a few nightmares. Does-Does that happen a lot?” He questioned, trying his absolute best not to offend you in the process.

“Eh. Yeah I guess, it’s not that big a deal though. You get used to it after a while.” You answered, not really wanting to elaborate but also knowing he wasn’t asking in a malicious way, more so in an ‘are you good bro?’ type of way.

“Oh okay. Well then can I ask who- who Cyrus is…?” Jun quietly stuttered again while trying hard to not upset you.

As the boys kept their walk going, you stopped for a moment. It didn’t go unnoticed by them so they halted as well. Jun, worried he had pushed you, tried to lighten the mood some more.

“I’m sorry (Y/N). I didn’t want to dig too deep into your personal life or anything. I just-” Jun spoke before you cut him off swiftly.

“No! I mean- it’s alright. I’d want to know if I was you guys too. I just… I- I haven’t heard his name said aloud in a long time ‘s all.” You responded while looking down at your feet as they started up their pace again.

They began following behind you as you continued with your answer to the Chinese wolf’s previous question, “Cyrus is- Cyrus WAS my mate” you croaked, trying to keep the tears back. You were NOT about to have some people you barely knew see you cry. No, that was definitely NOT happening.

“You- You had another mate?” Hansol said without even realizing he had added the word ‘another’ in his question.

It was still a bit of a touchy subject for both you and Seokmin as you hadn’t really accepted or denied him yet. This earned Hansol a nudge from Jeonghan. Seokmin, who had been staying quiet for most of the journey, was listening and processing your statement attentively. His heart rate sped up, you had another mate? It hurt him to think about it. He wanted to be your only one.

“Yeah. I- I did” you muttered, putting the word ‘another’ out of your mind and focusing on the question at hand, “A long time ago. He’s- He’s gone now. When he died… that’s when my nightmares started- that’s WHY my nightmares started.” You added, almost having reached your cave.

“… How did he- How did he die?” Seokmin let his voice out for the first time since you guys had left the house, startling you a bit.

You again hesitated to respond. You weren’t against talking about it. You just weren’t sure you wanted them to know just yet. You weren’t sure if you were ready for Seokmin to know just yet. But you knew you’d have to tell them all eventually, especially if they kept bugging you about it. So you decided to just sit the dirty laundry out and let it fall wherever it was meant to.

“Jun, you’re Chinese right?” You quizzed, slightly confusing them at the sudden question. They assumed you were just trying to change the subject.

“Yeah... I’m from Shenzhen.” He added, still very curious as to where your random ass knowledge came from.

“… You- You know what Lingchi is?” You say continuing to walk on.

As everyone else still kept walking the way to your den, Jun stopped entirely. His heart dropping at the word that you had linked to Seokmin’s earlier question. That’s what happened to him? That’s what happened to your MATE? The others didn’t understand, they didn’t know Chinese as they were all Korean and really had no need to learn a language that wasn’t used a whole lot in Korea. They knew a few words here and there do to having lived with Junhui and Minghao for so long and having had another Chinese pack for friends, but they never needed to know THAT word. At least, not until now.

“… That’s- That’s how he died?” Jun spoke up and all of you turned around at his distant voice. You could see the tears brimming on the brink of his water lines. He was sad for you. He was sad for your lost mate. He was sad at your whole situation and your whole backstory.

You cleared your seemingly very dry throat, “Yeah,” You said in a small voice, trying your best to hide any emotions that hit you like a rock through a window.

It upset you that while you were even speaking on such a serious topic, you were about to start heat and you still felt it creeping up on you. You tried to shake the dirtier thoughts away and just decided to do your best to get through it in one piece. You really wished that Seokmin would’ve stayed back at the pack’s house. He was making everything sooo much harder for you. You wanted to be able to be upset, but how could you when your every instinct at the moment was telling you to jump his bones?

“(Y/N), I’m so sorry… I- I didn’t know… I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t have asked if I had known.” Jun shook his head to flick the tears back and brought his hand to your small shoulder in comfort, looking at you with almost pleading eyes.

You gave him a small smile and put you little hand on top of his larger one and gave it a small squeeze, “It’s alright. It was a long time ago.” You whispered out, gently brushing his limb from your body as you started walking again, clearly indicating that you were too emotional to keep talking about the subject anymore. The others just followed your movements wordlessly, not really understanding the gravity of the whole situation like their brother did, but knowing that whatever it was you were talking about couldn’t have been good.

-

It was a few more minutes until you reached the mountain opening you were searching for. You had walked in silence the rest of the way there, the evidence of your and Jun’s serious topic still lingering in the air. The others had other conversations they wanted to have, but knowing that you spoke of your last mates demise without actually having an idea of what happened to him made them reluctant to speak.

“Okay.” Hansol finally broke the ice, “We’ll be back to check in on you in a couple of days okay? If you need us, don’t hesitate to give us a howl! Someone’s home at all times. We’ll find you. So don’t run out on us got it?” He joked as he lightly pushed your shoulder as a symbol of affection.

You had taken a liking to Hansol almost immediately, he was a very calm and positive person, he felt like your natural brother already. He made you feel like you were such an outcast and tried to make you feel included. So you lightly pushed his shoulder back playfully.

“Okay okay. I’ll be here don’t worry! Just give me like five or six days to get some stuff done. Then you’ll be able to check on me” you stated as you gave him a big bear hug, though you kept it short so you wouldn’t get too much contact that would aggravate your heat any further.

You went on and hugged the other boys too in similar ways, discluding Seokmin as you were worried that, if you touched him, you’d completely lose it. So you simply just gave him a head nod and said your goodbyes verbally. It hurt him that you didn’t give him a hug goodbye too since it would be a while since he saw you next, he didn’t even know why you wanted to go back to your cave or why you refused to be near him recently. So he took the lack of contact a bit more to heart than you had meant for him to, but still, he said nothing. He didn’t want to agitate you or risk you potentially not coming back due to his actions or words.

-

As the boys left the cave, one sure question was on all three of the boys minds.

“Hey Jun” Seokmin caught his brother’s attention as they walked home and were finally far enough away from your den to where you couldn’t hear them anymore.

“Yeah?” He responded cooly while cruising back down the path home.

“What’s Lingchi?” Seokmin questioned. All three of the Korean boys turned to him as they waited for an answer. Junhui gulped in response.

He really had to explain one of the worst things he could think of to his brothers, one of them being your current mate who would no doubt be seriously disturbed by the sudden declaration of your old mate’s fate. Perfect.

“Lingchi- it… it usually means… Lingering Death. When talking about- well- said death, it means- it means Slow Slicing.” Jun let out as he looked on while shoving his hands in his pockets as he tried to act off his discomfort of the topic at hand.

“Slow Slicing?” Jeonghan questioned, also wanting some sort of explanation or further elaboration on what Jun was talking about.

“Yeah. It- It’s also known as- I think you’d guys call it… Death By A Thousand Cuts.” Jun slowly let his words simmer out, trying his best to not sound affected by the thought of that happening to someone he had known’s mate.

“Tha- THAT’S how he died???” Seokmin panicked, knowing full well how that must have affected you. His heart felt like it had just gained 100 pounds in a matter of seconds.

“Yeah. They usually used some kind of sword… and they kept cutting shallow slices into a person until they bled to death. It’s- Death By A Thousand Cuts- it’s really a terribly slow and horribly painful way to die.” Jun reiterated while kicking a rock close to his feet.

He wasn’t even sure if he should’ve told them to begin with, it wasn’t his mate that met that fate after all, but he also knew that if he were you he wouldn’t have wanted to be the one who explained it. So he took it upon himself hoping you wouldn’t hate him later.

“Fuck.” Jeonghan breathed loudly as he ran his hand through his hair, having finally have reached the house.

“That’s fucking awful” Hansol added.

It was awful. Your mate died in one of the worst ways possible. And, from how bad your nightmares sounded, he figured you must have seen at least some of it. He felt terrible for you. And he was mad at himself for being slightly jealous earlier at the mention of your old mates name now. No wonder you were so cut off from him. You were numb. You didn’t want to go through that again, and he couldn’t blame you. If he saw that happen to you, he’d jump off a cliff and end it all.

Still, he promised himself that night that he’d do everything he could to get you to see that he would stay with you always and that he’d keep you safe forever. He was determined to show you that you’d never have to go through that again. He just needed to figure out how to do that in like five days. No fucking biggie or anything. Little did he know that five days from now, your past mate couldn’t have been further from your mind…

Another Author’s Note: Hi guys! So I just want to put out there that I’m not Chinese, I’m Mexican. I think I used the word right but if I didn’t, PLEASE let me know. I asked one of my friends for help with it, but she only uses conversational Mandarin with her family and isn’t 100% fluent. Everything I’ve looked up says that it’s the right word to use in Mandarin for it and use of the language was kind of essential for this particular chapter as I needed the suspense of having the characters have to ask someone later what it meant. Again PLEASE let me know if it’s wrong or if there’s a better word for it! Hope you guys liked this chapter because the next one will be super fun😉

(Updated 9/8)

[puckinghell]

Almost | Nathan MacKinnon

Summary: Every time Nate doesn’t tell you he loves you, he almost does. Until the clock suddenly starts ticking, and almost might not be enough. Words: 5.3k Note: I wrote this all at once and I couldn’t be bothered to read it after to make sure it made sense so excuse me if it doesn’t. We’re in the midst of a global crisis, I couldn’t buy potatoes in the supermarket cause it’s empty, and I don’t have my emotional support dumbass hockey boys, so you can imagine the emotional distress I’m under.

---

Nate isn’t very good at flirting.

He knows that, and he’s known that for a long time. Not only because he’s got pretty good self-insight, but also because his teammates have been telling him for years. 

In fact, the first time he went out with Tyson, back when he just came onto the Avs and going out was a big deal to him, Tys shook his head and said: “If you don’t learn how to flirt you’re gonna end up dying alone. With a Cup and enough gold to drown in, but alone.” 

Nate loves Tys to death, but he still thinks about that night sometimes and wants to kick Tys in the shin.

Because as much as he’s bad at flirting, he never really thought it was a problem. Surely one day a girl would come into his life and she’d like him so much she would do the heavy lifting, and he could just kinda cruise along. Or maybe one day, when the right girl would come into his life, it would all be easy, suddenly. 

Except.

He’s pretty sure that you are the right girl. He has been sure about that for the past two years, ever since you became friends. And yet, you’re still friends. Just friends.

Nate thinks he kinda accidentally put himself in the friend zone. At first he thought it was fine if you were just friends, because it would grow into something more naturally. 

But one day Gabe turned to him solemnly and said: “Once she’s put you in the ‘Don’t go there’ part of her brain, you’re not coming out of there, bro.” 

He’d waved Gabe off, but now he’s starting to think Gabe was right. 

Because in the beginning, sometimes, you’d look at him a certain way, or you’d say something, and Nate was certain you meant it in a flirty way. Was sure he saw his own feelings reflected in your eyes. But those times became less and less frequent and now, he can’t remember the last time you looked at him like that. He only knows that you talk to him about dates you go on, like it doesn’t break his heart to think about you with someone else. And you wrap your arms around him so easy and comfortably, like the butterflies in his stomach when you touch him have no right o be there. And you ask to sleep in his bed with him after late movie nights like the thought of it ever being anything more than sleeping has never entered your mind. Nate thinks maybe he’s missed his window, but he also can’t imagine not ending up with you. So he starts his quest of getting you to notice him in a different way.

--

It’s shortly after he made that decision that he’s finding himself in Gabe’s backyard, a bottle of beer in his hand as he stands next to EJ who is grilling steaks on the barbecue. Gabe’s summer barbecue is somewhat of a staple, for the Avs, and if he thought that having a baby would mean Gabe’s parties would come to an end, Nate was wrong. Gabe flutters through the backyard with Linnea on his arm like he’s never done anything else. He switches his own beer bottle with Linnea’s bottle of milk – or whatever she’s drinking – between people he chats to, and before too long he shows up next to Nate and EJ. “Looking good,” Gabe whistles, looking at the grill. “Nate, are you staring at Y/N again?” Nate swirls around to face his captain; he hadn’t even noticed he was staring at you, but perhaps he was, because he knows you’ve been talking to Josty for the past 15 minutes and he’s not entirely happy about the way Josty leaned into you while he laughed at something you said. “It’s too late, bud,” EJ says, his signature toothless grin appearing. “You’ve waited too long and now she’s going to think you mean everything in a friendly way.” “That’s not true!” Nate starts protesting, even though he knows EJ is just trying to rile him up; but he can’t really make his point because you choose that moment to come over to them. “Are you still not done?” you tease EJ, playfully bumping against his shoulder. “I’m hungry, EJ, can you not grill a little faster?” “Grilling is like art,” EJ grumbles, “you can’t rush it.” “That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said,” you answer, your voice filled with fondness. “Ah, there’s Linnea! Can I hold her?” You make grabby hands at the baby and Gabe easily passes her to you, which, honestly, rude. “You never let me hold her!” Nate sputters, and Gabe shrugs. “That’s because Y/N is responsible and you killed the only succulent you had in your house.” “A succulent is not the same as a baby. I could take care of her.” Nate feels extremely offended, even more so when you giggle. “No offense, but if I had to pick someone to take care of Linnea, it would be Y/N, then Colin, then literally anyone else, before it would be you,” says Gabe. “Even Josty?” Nate whines, and at that moment, Mel steps in next to Gabe, putting her hand on his back. “Are we letting Tyson take care of Linnea?” she asks. “Absolutely no way,” Gabe is quick to answer, and you suppose it’s a good thing Josty isn’t here to hear that. “I was just saying I would let Y/N take care of our little girl.” “Oh, would you?” Mel excitedly grasps your shoulder. “Gabe and I haven’t had a date night in like, months! “Sure, I’d love to,” you answer truthfully. You slide your finger into Linnea’s hand, the baby making excited gurgling noises as she clasps down on it. She’s stronger than she looks. “Can I come?” Nate says suddenly. His cheeks are a little tinted, even though it’s not that warm outside anymore. “It could be like, a babysitting date.” “Oh, of course!” you answer. “That’s a perfect idea, Nate! Mel, we should set up a play date for Linnea with my sister’s baby!” You ignore EJ’s cackling laugh and what sounds like a low groan coming from Nate, instead follow Mel to the porch with Linnea in your hands to plan the play date. EJ slings his arm around Nate, grinning a little wickedly as he says: “So close, Nathan. Almost got her.”

Nate elbows him in the stomach loud enough to earn a disapproving tut from Gabe.

--

Nate tells Sid about his plan during their monthly FaceTime session. “Good luck with that, dude,” Sid says, and it doesn’t even sound that condescending, coming from him. “What do you think I should do?” Nate knows asking Sid for advice on flirting is like asking a blind man for advice on how to see, but he’s getting desperate and he really, really doesn’t want to have to ask Tys. He’d never live that one down. “Uh,” Sid answers, and that’s about as much as Nate was expecting from him, anyway. “Maybe ask her out to dinner, or something?” Actually, that’s more than Nate was expecting from Sid, because that’s actually not the worst idea. Sure, you’ve gone out to dinner together many times, but it was always very clearly not a date setting; either the other guys were there, or it was at a MacDonalds – Nate doesn’t like to go to junkfood places, but he supposes if Tys was gonna leave any imprint on him, it would be his love for McFlurry’s – or it was just dinner at his apartment, wearing sweatpants and ordering Chinese while watching some dumb Netflix show. His chance to ask you comes quicker than he thought, because he’s still talking to Sid – about hockey, this time, something Sid does actually have great advice on – when you come barreling into his apartment. Your hair is wet from the rain and you shrug off your rain coat with a wave in his direction. “It’s pouring,” you tell him, “and I walked to work, so.” To anyone else, it would be a bad explanation, but it’s not the first time you’ve showed up at Nate’s apartment like this. You like to walk to work when it’s not too cold but sometimes the weather surprises you and you don’t want to walk back in the rain or the wind. Nate’s apartment is a lot closer to your work than your apartment, so it’s become a habit of yours to go to Nate’s on days like that and just hang out in his apartment until you either fall asleep there or Nate offers to drive you home.    “Is that Y/N?” Sid asks. “Hey, Y/N!” “Hi Sid!” you call back. “Nate, I’m gonna shower.” “Ask her,” Sid says, which is very pushy for Sid, who usually never tells Nate to do anything, instead just says “If I were you, I would consider” and let Nate figure out the underlying message. “Ask me what?” you ask Nate curiously, eyeing him up and down. He’s glaring at Sid as if Sid said something wrong, and when he looks at you, he doesn’t quite catch your eye. “I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner with me?” Nate asks. It’s a bit of a formal question for something you do at least once a week, but you shrug it off; Nate is a bit weird, sometimes, and you’re used to that. “Sure,” you say. “Let’s order Thai. Get my usual while I’m showering? I’m hungry.” Then you yell: “Bye Sid!” before making your way to the bathroom. Nate lets out a frustrated sigh and Sid sounds sympathetic when he says: “Almost there, dude. Just, next time, if I were you, I’d consider…” Nate is already not listening anymore.

--

Today is the day, Nate has decided. He bought roses, which EJ told him is lame and Gabe told him is great idea, and he cooked pasta, for which he used Sammy’s recipe. He’s not a good cook, but Sammy promised it’s impossible to mess up, and he thinks he did alright. He texted you this morning to ask you to come to his place for dinner. You replied with a sure :) and Nate takes that to be a good sign. He has a plan. When you walk in, he’ll take your coat, instantly changing the routine between you, because he normally stays on the couch when you open the door with your key. He won’t be wearing sweatpants, either, not even if he expects you might be; he’s wearing black jeans and a nice button up, and he’s even done his hair. Well, made an attempt to; it didn’t really work out and now it looks kinda the same as always, but hey, he’s really trying, here. Next, he’ll lead you to the table, which he’ll actually have set up, and at that point, surely you understand something different is happening, because a set up table is so different from his normal paper plates and Netflix. Then he’ll give you the roses and confess his feelings. He’s not really thought that part through too much, because every time he thinks about it he almost throws up. So. He’ll have to wing that. The problem, Nate finds out, with planning everything to perfection, is that when one thing goes wrong, the entire plan has to go out the window. Because half an hour after you were supposed to arrive, he gets a text saying sorry I’m late! Be there in 10 and he knows he’s gonna have to reheat the pasta, which Sammy said was not the point of pasta. But he’s not gonna kick off and cause a scene when you arrive, because he reasons it doesn’t really matter, in the grand scale of things. So he sits on the couch and waits. Finally, the door swings open and Nate jumps to his feet, ready to take your coat from you. Except, you’re not wearing a coat; you’re wearing his old hoodie and for some reason his breath hitches in his throat and suddenly he feels like his feet are nailed to the floor, unable to move. “Hey, sorry I’m late,” you call, basically running further into the apartment. “I came from the gym and let me tell you, I have got great news!” “News?” Nate echoes. You stop right in front of him, your eyes shining and a bright smile on your face. Suddenly, you lift an eyebrow, eyes catching on something. “Nathan MacKinnon, did you do something to your hair?” Before Nate can answer, you shrug and continue. “Well, it doesn’t matter anyway. Guess what happened at the gym!” “What?” Nate seems to only be able to repeat what you say, so he decides to stick with that. “I got asked on a date!” Nate thinks if he had one wish, he would wish for the floor to open up beneath his feet and for him to sink through the building, all 7 floors below his apartment, and then down into the ground, until he could bury himself in the dirt. “A date?” You’re so hyped you don’t even notice your best friend is simply repeating your words, barely reacting in any other way. “He’s so hot, this guy, Nate! He comes to the gym every Thursday, just like I do, and we never talk but sometimes I catch him looking, and like, I look back, you know? And today he came over and he asked if I wanted to get a drink, but obviously I had plans with you and I would never blow you off, so I said we could do it tomorrow. I have a date tomorrow, Nate!” In your excitement, you reach forward and wrap your arms around Nate, pressing your face into his chest. His heart is beating fast, and you notice that he kinda just remains frozen into place, so you look up at him with a frown. “Nate? You okay?” That seems to shake Nate from his trance, as he literally shakes himself out of it and slowly puts his arms around you. With a happy sigh, you allow yourself to sink into the embrace. “What are we eating, anyway? I’m hungry.” Nate praises any and every God there could possibly be that he decided to leave the door to the dining room closed. “Whatever you want, we can order,” he answers. “I’m just gonna, uh, get changed.” “I thought you looked fancy,” you grin, letting go of him and dropping onto the couch. “What about Italian?” Hours later, Nate throws away the empty pizza boxes and puts the roses in the bin with them, and then he goes to his bedroom to scream into a pillow. He wants to call you, wants to ask you to not go on a date with that guy. But then he thinks about how excited you looked and he doesn’t call. He doesn’t call, but he almost does, and he thinks that’s a pretty good way to describe how his life is going.

--

Nate has truly hit rock bottom, which is why he’s scrolling through his phone until he finds the familiar name. “Dogggg!” Tys yells into the phone, because he can never answer the phone like a normal person. “I’m baking chocolate chip cookies!” And Nate is suddenly a little overwhelmed with how much he misses his best friend. “Baking?” he teases. “What kinda mental breakdown are you going through this time?” “Hey, fuck you,” Tys says, but he sounds mellow and not bothered at all. “What’s up?” And Nate has been planning to ease into this conversation, have a little small talk, maybe talk about Toronto and how the coaching change has been working out for Tys, but Tys is his best friend – apart from you – and suddenly he can’t keep it to himself anymore. “I’m in love with Y/N,” he blurts out, and he hears a clank on the other side of the line that sounds suspiciously like Tyson dropping a spoon. “Well, yeah,” Tys comes back, a little too calmly for Nate’s liking. “But I meant like, what’s up with you that’s new, Dogg.” “I need to do something about it,” Nate says, and that seems to get Tyson’s attention, cause he suddenly sounds a lot more interested when he says: “Oh?”    “Cause like,” Nate starts, and he knows he’s about to start rambling. “Cause I’m so into her, you know, and I have been for so long, but I don’t think she sees me that way? And maybe if I would’ve done something sooner, she would’ve thought of me as an option, and she wouldn’t be going out with that guy right now..” “Wow hold up,” Tyson interrupts. “Wait, she’s got a boyfriend?” “No!” The force with which that word erupts from Nate’s mouth is maybe a little too telling, cause Tyson immediately goes into ‘calm down Nate’ mode. “Hey, hey, it’s just a date or two, right?” he soothes. “It’s totally not serious yet. And you and her, you’ve got history, dude. She loves you! There’s still time!” “What if she doesn’t love me in that way, though?” Nate asks, and he hates how tiny his voice sounds. “Then she’s got no taste, Nate,” Tyson says, awfully genuine. “You’d be an awesome boyfriend. Hell, you’ve basically been her boyfriend, you two act like a couple all the time.” Nate hadn’t thought of it like that. “Cause like, you’re always hanging out together, right?” Tys continues. “And you bring her to all your events as your plus one. She cooks you dinner at least once a week. You pick her up and drop her off when it’s raining and she doesn’t wanna walk. You always get her a Christmas present. She even bakes your favorite cookies when you’ve had a tough game.” He sounds slightly jealous when he says: “Cookies, bro! That’s true love.” And, well, Nate had always thought that was just a friend thing, but when he thinks about it, he doesn’t really treat any of his other friends that way. Has never picked up his phone at 4 am because Sid was calling, never ran a bath for Tys after a long day. Maybe, in a way, he has been acting like your boyfriend. Except. “We don’t kiss and stuff, though.” Tyson laughs. “And stuff. I bet you want the stuff, huh, bro?” “Shut up,” Nate grumbles, but he’s too thankful for Tyson’s input to put much heat behind it. “Brutes, what do I do?” “You need to complete the package, Dogg,” Tys says, sounding confident. “You’re almost her boyfriend. Now go get that kiss and be it for real.”

--

Nate is not usually a big drinker, but this, he needs to be super, super drunk for. “Careful,” Burky says, as he watches Nate slam back another shot. “That’s a lot of alcohol, Nate.” “You gonna call Gabe on me?” Nate says, defiant, and Burky shrugs. “No, but if you need to be carried home, I’ll get Z to do it.” That’s enough for Nate to not order another shot right away. “He’s upset because Y/N is here with a guy.” It’s Comphy who speaks, in a dull tone like he’s talking about the weather. Josty, who is with them too, sits up a little straighter. “She came with a guy?” “Shut up,” Nate all but growls. “I didn’t know when I invited her the invitation would be extended.” He really hadn’t; he’d asked you to come out with the boys after the game because he found out you were bringing the guy – Nate purposely forgets his name every time – and he figured he was running out of time. At least if he kept you out all night you couldn’t go home with the guy, and he might find the courage to tell you how he feels. Except then you’d shown up with the guy in tow, and now he’s wondering if it’s possible to drown himself in tequila. He must’ve looked properly miserable for the guys to crowd around him like they are; Gabe went home because he’s a dad now, but Comph and Josty and Burky are all sitting with him, refusing to have fun now that their assistant captain looks ready to commit a crime, and Z and EJ both keep shooting worried glances his way. Nate really doesn’t care. What he cares about is that you’re with with a guy that’s not him, and you’ve barely paid attention to him. He’s just about drunk enough that that annoyance is starting to become unbearable, and just drunk enough that it seems like a good idea to do something about it. “Nate, no…” Burky starts, when Nate stands up, and Comphy reaches for him, but even drunk Nate is quicker than them and he starts pushing his way through the crowd, to where you’re standing with the guy and laughing at something he’s saying. You feel two strong arms wrap around your waist, the grip almost too tight as you’re pushed flat against a muscular chest. For a second, you freeze, ready to fight, but then you smell familiar cologne and you recognize the arms that are wrapped around you in iron grip. “Nate?” you say. “Everything okay?” Nate hums in your ear but it’s not really words; just a low hum that makes something tingle in the pit of your stomach. If only Tom knew the effect Nate has on you, he probably wouldn’t be here. As it is, Tom’s eyes are wide as he stares at Nate. You did tell him you knew people on the team and that’s why you could get tickets to the Avs game so last minute, but you’d forgone the mention that your “contact” is Nathan MacKinnon; for some reason, you didn’t really want those worlds to mix just yet. Maybe that’s why you’d been keeping your distance from Nate, tonight. Normally, Nate isn’t the kinda guy to come chasing you down, but you can smell the alcohol on his breathe and his words slur a little when he says: “Where have you been?” Your heart starts beating a little faster. “Here,” you say, trying to ignore the dark tone to Nate’s voice. To say you’re confused in an understatement: Nate sounds almost angry, but he’s clinging to you like he’s not ever letting you go, so surely he can’t be angry at you. You wish Tom wasn’t here. If you’d been alone, you would’ve dragged Nate outside and talked to your best friend, figured out what’s bothering him, because it’s clear there’s something and you don’t like knowing that he’s carrying it alone. Nate has a tendency to carry the entire world on his shoulders, on his own, even when there’s so many people who would share the burden with him. “Dude,” Tom says, “you’re Nathan MacKinnon!” You feel Nate tense behind you. You know he doesn’t like to be recognized in public spaces but honestly, Tom didn’t speak loudly, and he’s not making a scene, so you wiggle out of Nate’s hold and put your hand on his arm.

Usually, that calms him down. “Yeah, Tom, this is my friend Nate. Nate, this is Tom.” Nate’s face is schooled into perfect indifference as he shakes the hand Tom holds out to him; the only thing betraying that he’s annoyed is the fact that his other, free, hand is balled into a fist and his knuckles are white. “Good to meet you, man,” Tom says. “That was such a nice goal there in the 2nd, holy shit dude! I’m like, such a big fan of you!” You cringe a little as Nate narrows his eyes. “Thanks,” he says, and he could not sound more bored if he tried. Even Tom shifts on his feet and nervously looks towards the floor. Then Nate’s hand finds its way to your lower back, his thumb dipping under your shirt. You feel like all the blood is rushing through your cheeks, and when Tom frowns, you feel like you could pass out. “Nice to meet you,” Nate says, in a tone that makes it clear he’d rather undergo a colonoscopy than ever speak to Tom again. “But can I borrow my girl for a second?” My girl? “Nate, what the…” you sputter, but you’re already being pushed through the crowd towards the exit, and before you know it you’re standing in a dark alley with your back to the brick wall of the club. Nate is standing close, so close you can feel his breath against your cheek when he exhales. His eyes are big and a bit wild, and you wonder if he can hear your heartbeat as clearly as you can. “Nate…” You mean to ask him what’s going on, but for some reason his name comes out of your mouth in a quiet rush of air, and it seems to do something to Nate, who inhales sharply and drops his head a little, his forehead nearly touching yours. “I hate it,” he mutters, the words soft enough that you can only make them out because it’s just the two of you in the silent outside air. “Hate what?” “Seeing you with him.” Those words hit you like a freight train, and all you manage to bring out is a soft “uhm”. “I can’t watch you with him,” Nate whispers. His hands are against the wall but his chest is pressed up against yours, and slowly but surely, he’s leaning in. And that’s when you realize, oh. Nate is going to kiss you. To your own surprise, that doesn’t shock you. It’s not some big thing that throws the world of its axis, that shakes the ground beneath your feet. It’s just a realization and then a soft, warm feeling of comfort spreading through your body. You want him to kiss you so badly, but it’s not like something is exploding, knowing that he wants it too. Instead, it’s like something finally falls into place.

“Y/N?” a voice goes, and you almost whine out loud. Nate jumps back like he’s been stung. He stares at you with wide eyes, the color drained from his face, and then he turns around and all but runs away. Tom watches him leave, then faces you, and in that moment you know four things absolutely certain. Nate was jealous. You’re never going to go on another date with Tom. Nate almost kissed you. And almost wasn’t enough.

--

Nate wakes up with a banging headache, the taste of dirt in his mouth and 20 missed text messages. Most of the messages are from Tyson, and there’s one from EJ, who is apparently the one that told Tyson about last night in the first place, because his text simply reads: Had to tell Brutes. You need help. Which is probably fair enough. There’s a text from Josty offering support, one from Burky asking if he got home safe, one from Gabe that Nate doesn’t read because he doesn’t want to see Gabe’s disappointed face every time he closes his eyes for the next few days, and then there’s a text from you. We have to talk. Well, fuck. Nate doesn’t have a lot of experience with relationships, but he knows that’s never a good sign. Nate knows that you know him well enough to have figured out that he was drunk last night, so you probably don’t expect him to be up yet. He takes advantage of that time by taking a shower and brushing his teeth at least four times until he can no longer taste the tequila in the back of his throat, making a cup of coffee and having a freak out at his kitchen counter because surely you’re going to tell him to never talk to you again. Not only did he not have the balls to tell you how he feels about you, he also acted like an asshole to a guy you apparently like – although Nate has no clue why, because he seemed boring as hell – and then he nearly kissed you but instead ran away. Not a great track record. It’s nearly noon when he finally gathers up the courage to call you. After all, you’ve given him two years of friendship, so that’s the least he can do. “Hey,” he says softly into the phone when the connection clicks through. “It’s Nate.” “I know,” you answer, and he’s surprised by how light your tone is. “I have caller ID, Nate. Have had it for years.” It throws him off, how normal you sound. There’s nothing in your voice to betray that you’re mad at him, or that you hate him. He almost forgets what he was going to say. Almost, but not quite. “I’m really sorry about last night,” he blurts out. “Do you mind if I come over so we can talk about it?” “Uhm,” you hesitate, and Nate’s heart sinks into the pit of his stomach.    “Actually, I’m almost at your apartment.” “Oh.” Nate had not expected that. “Uhm, okay. I’ll be here, then.” You laugh. “Yeah, I hoped you would be. See you in a bit, Nate.”    It takes you another 6 minutes to arrive; Nate knows it’s exactly 6 because he stares at the hands of the clock while he waits, while simultaneously thinking of all the possible scenarios in which you could break his heart. When you walk into the kitchen, he feels like he’s about to throw up. “You don’t look great,” is the first thing you say to him. “Have you had breakfast? You know hangovers get worse when you don’t eat.” And that’s... Not quite what Nate was expecting. “Yoohoo, Nate?” You wave your hand in front of his pale face, as Nate stares at you and doesn’t speak. “Are you okay?” “You hate me,” Nate blurts out then, and instantly his eyes fix on the floor in shame. “Or, you should.” You frown. “Why? Because you were a jealous dick last night?” Nate’s face turns from white to a bright shade of pink. You smile, walk to Nate who’s sitting on a barstool at the counter, and carefully push open his knees, so you can slide in between his legs. If Nate’s eyes go any wider, you worry they might fall out.   “Last night,” you repeat, “you were jealous. Of Tom.” It’s not a question, but Nate still nods, avoiding your eyes as he does. “And then you were going to kiss me.” Not a question either, and this time Nate doesn’t respond. “Nate,” you say softly, and the warmth in your tone must be what finally gets Nate to look up at you, his eyes locking with yours. “Do you still want to kiss me?” “I do,” Nate says. His voice is a little shaky but he needs to get this out, because he needs you to know this. “I always want to kiss you.” “Why haven’t you?” you ask. The answer is not really an answer, but it means everything anyway. “I almost did,” Nate says. “So many times, Y/N. So many times I almost did.” “Almost, almost,” you repeat, rolling your eyes, and then you slide your hands behind Nate’s neck and kiss him. He almost stumbles, his hands gripping your waist as if he’s afraid he’ll fall right onto the floor if he doesn’t have something to hold onto. But he’s kissing you back right away, his mouth soft yet forceful at the same time. Like he’s never going to stop kissing you. You don’t think you ever want him to.

--

It’s late at night and the streets of Denver are quiet beneath Nate’s apartment.    He’s laying on his back and you’re draped across his chest, naked bodies tangled together under the sheets. He’s not sure if you’re asleep; your breathing is shallow and even, but every now and then your fingers tighten around where they’re wrapped around his arm, and he wonders if you’re dreaming, or simply checking if he’s still there. As if he would ever leave. Nate can’t help himself; he lightly presses his lips against your hair, the ghost of a kiss against your skin. You hum softly. “Nate?” “Yeah,” he whispers. “It’s me.” A lazy giggle escapes your lips. “Thank God it’s not someone else.” The silence returns, but this time it’s heavy with something Nate knows you’re not saying. “What are you thinking about?” he mumbles, tracing circles on the naked skin of your back. Your answer shakes something inside of him. “That I almost didn’t get to have this.” He thinks of all the times he almost said something to you but didn’t, and curses himself for all the time lost. “Almost didn’t, but we did, and that’s what matters, right?” he speaks into the darkness.

You smile.

You know you’re not dreaming, but you almost can’t believe you aren’t.

Almost. 

[clockworkouroboros]

I’m in a The Amazing Devil Discord server and have been going wild with crazy insane theories about just about everything, drawing connections that probably don’t actually exist, and generally losing my mind over both Love Run and The Horror and the Wild. That being said, I do have a theory about THatW that, if it’s not true, at least merits me a tinfoil hat, I think. Just be warned, this post will be long, and yes, I will include receipts.

So here’s this theory and Joey, if you read this, just know that I’m impressed either at how much thought was put into this, or the sheer number of coincidences that make this work if it wasn’t planned. It’s turned me into a conspiracy theorist for the past four days or so? And it’s severely affected the amount of sleep I’ve been getting.

My basic theory here is that Joey and Madeleine aren’t singing as themselves throughout this album, they’re playing characters, and those characters are old gods. Joey is the Wild, Madeleine is Time. (Alternatively, she’s Horror, fitting with the album title, but as she’s never explicitly referred to as such, I’m not insisting on that point.)

Now, where am I getting this silly idea from? None other than the title track, of course, in which Joey sings, “witness me, old man, I am the Wild, and Madeleine sings, “And I am Time itself.” And yes, they are both capitalized like that in the lyrics.

So they explicitly refer to themselves as such. But Emily, you might be saying (or not, depending on how much you care), that’s one song! This is hardly an album’s worth of proof! Sure, they might be gods in this song, but what about the other eight? To which I say, hoo boy, I’m just getting started.

Before I continue, I’d like to add something about how their characters are depicted throughout the album: Joey is more cheerful, Madeleine is not. (see: Wild Blue Yonder, Marbles, Battle Cries.) Joey is whimsical, Madeleine is practical. (See Battle Cries especially, but you can also see this in Wild Blue Yonder.) Madeleine is referred to multiple times as being stronger than Joey, and appears to assume a more protective role over Joey’s childlike. This fits in with my theory, by the way, in a roundabout sort of way that involves some squinting. Joey is the Wild, which is...well, wild. Think of little kids: cheerful, whimsical, in need of protection. Madeleine is Time. She knows what has been, what is, and what will be. Of course she’s going to be more mature, practical, and pessimistic.

And why is this important? Well, it’s kind of how I’m tying together a lot of the rest of the album. (Not all of it; Farewell Wanderlust is a notable outlier in many ways, and some of my connections are tenuous at best, but we’re going to ignore that and pretend it’s all rock-solid. Rockrose-solid. I’m sorry, I’m very tired.) I’m ignoring The Rockrose and the Thistle a little bit in this post, not because I dislike it (it’s gorgeous), but because it’s stubbornly eluding my attempts to tie it into anything other than Elsa’s Song, which isn’t even part of this album.

The vast majority of what you need to know about these two characters is in The Horror and the Wild (the song), so I’m gonna copy/paste some lyrics, and go through them. (Actually, the copy/pasting is nonexistent, these lyrics are imprinted on my brain at this point. That being said, if there are errors, lmk and I will edit the post and fix them!)

So we’ve got Madeleine starting, singing about Joey, with “You were raised by wolves and voices, every night I hear them howling deep beneath your bed, they said it all comes down to you.” Aside from the fact that I have no clue why “it all” comes down to Joey, or anything with that last bit, maybe a few more late nights with a tinfoil hat will do the trick. That being said, the first line of the song references childhood specifically in relation to Joey. Notice also how wolves are referenced in Wild Blue Yonder (“we don’t know what’s out there/could be wolves”) and That Unwanted Animal (“‘What’s the time, Mr. Wolf,’ but you, you’re blind, you bleat, you bear your claws”). The whole “howling” thing and “deep beneath your bed” both pop up in That Unwanted Animal, too: “and on the wind it howls,” for one. And for the other, there’s “you [presumably Joey] make the bed up silent on the floor so no one hears us,” later followed later in the song by “and the door below us splinters, and the creature creeps inside.”

Following this, Joey sings about Madeleine: “you’re the daughter of silent watching stones, you watch the stars hurl all their fundaments, in wonderment at you and yours, forever asking more.” First of all, I’m gonna say that this is Joey’s point of view; later on, Madeleine will refute the daughter thing (“I’m not a drunkard, a daughter, a preacher”.) Anyway, “silent watching stones” could reference Wild Blue Yonder: “every stone you threw, I stood on to better see the view.” The view being the stars hurling all their fundaments?

(Incidentally, I knew vaguely what “fundament” meant, but I looked it up to make sure I had it right, and learned that, among its other meanings, “fundament” can mean “butt.” But I don’t think that’s what Joey had in mind with this. I just think y’all should appreciate it.)

Anyway, we’ve also got in Battle Cries, “With you I could summon the gods and the stars, make them dance out the plays that we wrote from the heart, and we’d laugh at the ghosts of our fears,” with Madeleine singing, “Come on, love, please don’t start, sing your notes play your part,” and then the part that gets me every time: M: “we were gods,” J: “we were kids.” Which is a whole other can of worms involving their personalities, which I’ve already briefly outlined. My point is the whole “gods and the stars” bit.

I could (and have, on Discord) done a full, in-depth analysis of this track, and I don’t want to go all over it again, but “I promise you, they’ll sing of every Time you passed your fingers through my hair and called me child, witness me, old man, I am the Wild” has both Time and Wild as proper nouns in the lyrics, plus reinforces Time’s view of the Wild as a child. No clue who the old man is, though.

In verse two, Madeleine sings, “you [Joey] are the son of every dressing-up box, and I am Time itself, I slow and let you play, I steal the hours, and turn the night into day.” Again, this reinforces Joey’s childlike aspects (which will later be hinted at in That Unwanted Animal, with the “god-child,” who’s clearly Joey), but also shows, as in the refrain, the fact that Time has a sense of protectiveness over the Wild, at least sometimes.

That being said, although I’ve obviously referenced other songs, I still have mostly focused on the title track. So. I’m going to go through some of the other songs real quick.

The songs on the album (again, excepting Rockrose, because my attempts to tie it in have been frustrating and not gone anywhere, Mr. Batey please explain) can be grouped into categories: songs outright referencing gods (THatW, Farewell Wanderlust, That Unwanted Animal, Battle Cries), songs about their relationship, (arguably all of them, although Welly Boots is a bit confusing), and songs that refuse to allow me to classify them (Rockrose).

I would argue that this entire album is about the relationship of two old gods, but I’m not quite sure what the chronology is of the album, because it seems like it can’t be straightforward. (Farewell Wanderlust, although its placement makes sense in the setup of the album, doesn’t make sense in the chronology of this theory.) Another important note in some way is that every song on the album, with the exception of Farewell Wanderlust, is about being there for someone, or steadfastness in some capacity, while Farewell Wanderlust is about abandonment. It’s an outlier in a lot of ways. (Though not as many ways as frickin Rockrose.)

I have been talking about this at great length (and almost incessantly) on Discord, so unless you want this post to get even longer, I’m going to run by some lyrics real quick to try and show a little bit my thought process.

- “He watches her get dressed as though she’s hurtling through time” (Fair)

- “And she is stronger than he has ever been, he knows” (Fair) versus “Without you, I’m stronger, I’m no longer filled with wonder. How wrong you were” (Wild Blue Yonder, Welly Boots)

- J: “Place your hand in mine” M: “Hold the hand of the god-child, they said, as he falls from the sky” (That Unwanted Animal)

- “I’m the saint of the paint that was left in the pot, I’m your angel ellipsis, your devil of dots” (Farewell Wanderlust)

- “the fluttering of all your wings” (The Horror and the Wild) versus “when you think about him, my wings start to flap” (Farewell Wanderlust)

- “come, devil, come, she sang, call out my name. Let’s take this outside, ‘cos we’re one and the same. Our gods have abandoned us, left us, instead, take up arms, take my hand, let us waltz for the dead” (Farewell Wanderlust)

There are even more lyrics, and I’m going to be completely honest with you, I’ve gone totally insane with all of this, but this post is way too long already, so just let me know if you want any clarification or something.

Tldr: The Amazing Devil’s album The Horror and the Wild is about two old gods, one being Time, and the other being the Wild, or the god-child. The album is primarily about their relationship and steadfastness they show each other, even in tumultuous circumstances.

Now go excuse me while I attempt to take off this tinfoil hat that appears to be stuck on my head.

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

Third chapter of my OC fic ^_^ 

With this chapter, Solara will have met all of the Vermillion siblings. But she will also have to face her own unexplained emotions, which she tries to deny. 😉

This series will have mature content so reader discretion is advised.

Words: 4940

Chapter 3

Solara sat by the desk, slowly familiarizing herself with the documents and lingo used, making notes for herself of the formatting and writing down phrases she still needed to run by someone, in order to be certain of their meaning. She stopped only to rub her temples every now and then, giving her brain time to process all of the information that came her way. Hours ticked away but she barely noticed, until she struggled to grasp even simple sentence structures and she concluded to herself that perhaps she ought to stop for the day.

It was then that the door swung open, Mereo standing in the doorway with her hand on her hip, and a raised eyebrow.

“You still here?” Her tone was a strange combination of disappointment, amusement and disbelief, which in its absurdity made Solara chuckle.

“Well, it’s not like you really showed me around the base anyways, so I figured that someone was bound to show up eventually. Besides, I had a decent amount of time to collect some notes and phrases that I need to-“.

“Give it a rest,” Mereo interrupted while crossing her arms.

Silence fell between them as Solara put down the paper she was holding, frowning to Mereo, who close her eyes and sighed.

“We both need to eat something,” she remarked, her gaze directed blankly ahead of her, into the depths of the burgundy carpet. “And I was thinking that we’d make a small detour and go see my brothers before doing so,” she continued, her tone growing more silent.

Solara’s frown melted as sorrow veiled over her complexion at the sight of her friend. “Of course. I suppose one is long overdue,” she said, smiling to Mereo with softness as she got up from the desk.

Mereo’s gazed focused on her, lips curling up just enough to notice; their agreement being in the silent gaze they shared. But as they turned to leave, Solara wasn’t quite sure if she actually heard Mereo murmur under her breath with gritted teeth: “They should’ve told me sooner,” or if it was just a figment of her imagination as she couldn’t picture her beast of a friend murmuring anything.

She glanced to Mereo from the corner of her eye, searching for any signs of confirmation for what she supposedly had just heard. Mereo’s expression had fallen back to that of a blank stare into distance, a telling sign of her being deep in thought. I think… She probably thought out loud. A careful smile rose back to Solara’s lips as Mereo started leading her forward without a word. She’s not blaming herself, I know that much, but whoever it is that didn’t inform her of the situation faster than this… Well, I feel sorry for the poor soul.

---

As they walked down the corridor, only the sounds of their steps echoed from the walls. During their travels there had been many silences that had fallen between them, but none had borne the weight of this one. Mereo’s gaze was on the floor, and though her expression was stern and unwavering, it spoke of her worry. Solara knew that Mereo was the type to never show even the slightest traces of weakness, but she wasn’t made of stone. She had feelings just like everyone else, and this, this was her sorrow. It was woven into the unsaid words that hung in the air, and hidden behind her eyes that now seemed distant.

They reached a door, but before Mereo could open it, Solara placed her hand on Mereo’s shoulder. A soft smile emerged on Solara’s lips; her eyes instead filled with grief as they looked at each other for a moment that seemed longer than what it must’ve actually been. The frown on Mereo’s expression softened and a careful smile tugged the corners of her lips as well, while her other hand curled into a fist. Mereo turned to face Solara, nudging her onto her shoulder with the said hand, before taking a hold of the handle with the other.

Solara only nodded in reply, letting go of Mereo as she opened the door.

Leo was standing next to the bed with a blank expression, sunlight cascading into the room from the window, under which laid a figure. Solara looked at the young lion as his eyes still lingered on his brother, while Mereo closed the door.

The pair of green eyes finally turned to look at them, giving the two a stern gaze that lacked his former enthusiasm and cheerfulness. All of which was more than understandable, but still filled Solara with melancholy.

Mereo only nodded to her brother as she walked over to the bed, the two siblings standing on opposite sides of the bed like guardians to their brother. Silence hung heavy over them as neither had anything to say, or perhaps too much to say.

Solara saw Leo’s hand curling into a fist, and by instinct she moved closer to him from the foot of the bed. But as she did so, she felt another tug deep in her chest. As if pulled by threads of silken cobweb, her eyes turned to the figure that laid in the bed, and nothing could have prepared her for what followed. Despite all the whispers of the walls, the lingering implores and the unexplained warmth, she couldn’t have anticipated the twisting of strings of fate around her heart. She stopped in place, seeing nothing but him as she placed one of her hands on the footboard of the bed, fingers curling around it.

Her ears registered the fight that erupted between Leo and Mereo, but it was distant as if in a dream. There as something about Mereo being wrong about their brother, and Mereo shutting his opinions down, but Solara couldn’t concentrate on it. Not any of it. All she felt was the entwining of golden threads around her soul, into a tight embrace, one that had previously only existed as passing breaths, but now pulled her closer and closer.

But she knew that she couldn’t. She couldn’t just sit at his bedside and take his hand onto hers, letting herself to be submerged into the endless ocean of the fondest emotions. She couldn’t. No. And yet the threads kept pulling, and wrapped tighter around her heart, sinking into it, clenching it and tearing it, but still… she couldn’t.

And the worst part was that she couldn’t explain why she felt the unexplained deep desire to hold his hand, and assure him that it was all going to be alright. She couldn’t hold him in her arms and stroke his hair, while humming a gentle tune to his ear. And, for the life of her, she couldn’t tell why she had such feelings for a stranger. But he feels familiar. As if I’ve known him all my life. How- why am I-? I just feel like crawling into the bed and laying down next to him would be the most natural thing in the world. I could nuzzle against his neck and press a gentle kiss onto his cheek while placing my hand on his chest and…. And what am I thinking?! There is absolutely no reason for me to feel like this. Yes, he’s handsome I’ll give him that, and I’ve been told that… what have I actually been told? Well, Mereo calls him stupid constantly, but I take it that it’s all just because they’re siblings. I know that Leo looks up to him, so he must be very capable… But none of that explains anything. I’ve seen aesthetically pleasing, or handsome, men before who’ve been courteous and kind, and I’ve never felt such longing for them. Her fingers curled tighter around the footboard as she battled with herself.

Then a memory flashed through her mind. Solara remembered her mother telling her about something like this when she was young, but much like most children, she hadn’t imprinted the conversation into her mind. What was it that she said? Something about… “Your father and I, we gravitated towards each other. It was something that neither of us anticipated, but it was… like a cosmic dance where I was being pulled to him, as much as he was pulled to me. And for this brief passing second, we call life, we’ll keep tumbling towards each other, refusing to let go.” Something like that. I think it was along those lines. So… Is that what this is? Lo- Lov- No. It can’t be. I don’t know him, unlike my parents who knew each other. My fate isn’t tied to him… and even if it was, it doesn’t mean that his would be tied to mine. These whispers of belonging, they must be mistaken. The Tree of Binding Fates might be yet to tell me… She swallowed and was woken from her thought with a slamming door as Mereo left the room. Leaving the three of them in silence.

Leo’s brows were furrowed and he clenched his jaw, his entire body seeming tense.

“It’s going to be alright Leo,” Solara tried as she took a few steps closer to him with an empathetic smile.

“But aneue shouldn’t say that! Aniue has been working so hard for the squad, and when he comes back, he’ll prove her wrong!” His statement was firm and filled with young lion’s pride.

Solara placed her hand onto his shoulder, feeling him relax under her touch.

“I just… I just wish that I could help him recover,” Leo muttered, probably for the first time in his life.

His statement radiated with the purest of wishes, which took Solara aback for a moment, as she felt her already bleeding heart, cry for him, for the both of them.

“He knows that you’re here, standing by him,” Solara comforted while casting another soft smile to his direction.

“How can you know?” Leo asked while turning to her, his eyes pleading as he wanted to believe her statement.

“Well,” she paused for a moment as her thumb brushed the crumbs of uncertainty from his shoulder. “I’ve been told that people in a coma can still hear what happens around them. So, he hears your voice and what you tell him. And even if you didn’t talk to him, or in the unlikely event where he couldn’t hear you for some other reason, I’m certain that he feels your strong mana around, rooting for him to come back.” She paused once more as Leo processed her words. “He knows that you’re there for him. I’m sure of it. You’ve always believed in him, and he’ll always believe in you.”

The young lion blinked and a careful smile emerged onto his lips as he looked at his brother.

“But,” Leo paused, thinking how he should formulate his question. “If I want to make sure that he knows that I’m here, I should just talk to him?” He asked, turning to look at Solara once again.

She only nodded as a reply, while retracting her hand as she saw certainty rising back to his eyes.

“Does it matter what I talk to him about?” He continued, looking at Solara intently.

“Hmmm,” she hummed while her eyes shifted to the ceiling as she thought. “I don’t believe it does. I’ve heard that some even read books to their loved ones because they don’t really know what to say, so they’ve felt that to be an easy starting point.” She smiled as her gaze fell back to Leo, who was still staring at Solara with wide eyes. “Is that something you’d like to try?” Solara continued as her head tilted a bit, the comforting smile ever-present on her complexion.

Leo’s gaze shifted to his brother as he thought. “I don’t really know that many storybooks…” he mumbled as his gaze fell to the floor. The veil of sympathy wrapped tighter around Solara’s expression as the corners of her lips tugged further, for she felt the bond these two brothers shared, and which made the moment all the more melancholic.

“Well, do you know if he had one? Or if there was one that he used to read when he was younger?” She inquired, hoping to lead his train of thought forth into a haven of hope. And as his expression brightened, quite like the light of awaking dawn which repels the shadows of night each morning with the rising sun, making Solara feel warmth spreading across her body.

“Yes! There was a book he said he liked when he was my age! It was… um…” Leo seemed to have regained his energetic self in a blink of an eye. He put a hand on his hip as another scratched his head, while he tried to remember the name of the book. “I can’t remember,” he admitted before continuing. “But he gave me the book! So, I can just read it to him and he knows that I’m here, right?” Enthusiasm seeped from his entire being, his both hands now held in front of him, ready to face the obstacles laid before him.

Solara nodded to him, her action only fuelling him further.

“I’ll go get it right now!” He exclaimed and started running.

Solara followed him to the doorway and called out after him:” Leo! There’s time for that later, but you should…” her voice faded with the sentence as the vermillion haired boy had already disappeared behind a corner. “Get something to eat first…” she finished her sentence, out loud, but speaking to no one. Her posture slouched forth as she sighed, but regained it as soon as she heard steps approaching her.

She turned around to see Randal walking to her direction with a cape in hand.

“Hello,” she greeted as she turned around, giving him a smile.

“Hello,” he replied and paused, thinking if he should make a comment or not. “You’ll have to excuse Leopold, he’s quite energetic and very quick on his feet.” He stated, his tone staying steady and formal.

“Ah, it’s completely understandable,” she smiled, loosely waving her hand in front of her as if to brush off the action.

Randal only nodded as a reply, while taking the last few steps towards her and handed out the cape he was holding. “Here’s the cape Captain Mereoleona requested for you. Welcome to the squad,” he smiled.

As far as Solara could tell, he was being sincere, but given that she had just taken over some of his work, there was something she wished to ask. Since she knew that the action could be seen as interfering with his territory. Thus, she felt a compelling need to clarify something to him as she took the cape from him, holding it in her arms. “Thank you. I’m glad to be here. But can I clarify something with you?” She asked, her smile turning to that of slight hesitance.

Randal’s expression became that of intrigue as he replied: “Of course.” There was no judgement, nor even a hint of malice in his eyes, which alleviated Solara’s worry.

“Well, as the newest addition to the squad I know that I technically shouldn’t be taking care of any of the paperwork, and my intention isn’t to step on your toes. So, if you feel like I’m overstepping my boundaries, and crossing onto your territory as the Vice Captain, I do hope that you tell me.” She gave him an awkward smile, hoping that she had succeeded in relaying her intentions.

Randal seemed surprised for a brief second before the expression faded, and a smile rose to his lips as his gaze fell to the side. “Well, as long as we’re having an honest conversation,” he paused long enough to gaze back at Solara. “I’m glad to finally have someone to do the work with me. You see, before the work was divided between myself and Captain Fuegoleon. And during the time he has been incapable of completing those duties, it has all fallen onto my shoulders. So, I’m- I’m afraid that I’ve fallen behind,” he admitted, a shadow of shame passed over his complexion and he sighed. “I’m just glad to have someone to help me, and I trust that Captain Mereoleona wouldn’t assign you to it if she wasn’t certain that you could take care of it,” he smiled, gratitude radiating from his expression. And with that the last traces of hesitance washed from Solara, making her feel lucky to have been welcomed with such warmth.

“I do hope to live up to the expectations,” she chuckled. “But there are a few questions I’d like to ask regarding the forms and lingo. As this isn’t my native language, I seem to find myself struggling a bit already,” she admitted with a slight frown.

“Of course. I’m happy to help the helper,” he smirked with good will, making Solara giggle. He joined her in her laughter for a brief moment as they shared gratitude for one another.

Once the laughter settled down, she continued: “So, is this a good moment or… um?” She asked, tilting her head slightly.

“Well dinner is served soon, so we can start at the dinner table if you feel comfortable with it. Or then we can talk afterwards.” He thought out loud, his gaze shifting to the ceiling before falling back to her.

“Either is fine for me. After all, in addition to my questions you need to fill me in on the most pressing matters that should be taken care of, post haste,” she shrugged.

“True,” Randal nodded as silence fell between them for a moment. Both thinking where should they start.

“Well, if we start already on our way to the mess hall, we’ll get matters moving quicker,” she stated, earning another nod of agreement form Randal.

Solara closed the door to Fuegoleon’s sickroom, seeing his form from the corner of her eye, which caused the golden strings to clench around her heart once more. A veil of sorrow passed her complexion as the walls whispered to her again, imploring her to stay. I can’t. She only thought, trying to brush it all away from herself, but only succeeding to press it deep down into the back of her head. This’ll pass. I’m sure of it. This is a crush and nothing more, so it’ll pass. All I have to do is wait it out. She tried to convince herself, force herself to believe that to be the case, but the flicker of hope is one the hardest thing to snuff out, only allowing her to deny its existence. So, it remained, small, and quiet, but it remained. She could push it away as much as she wanted, and try to deny it to the best of her ability, but it still flickered.

The door closed, alleviating her aching heart. The feeling grew quieter as they walked away, beginning the discussion on what Solara already knew about the tasks at hand, and moving to comparing the differences in legal procedures between Clover Kingdom and Thea. But only to the extent where they were able to confirm or invalidate similar practises, based on which they’d be able to determine areas that needed to be addressed further. Their conversation carrying through the dinner, Solara being seated near Randal in order to keep the conversation going. Mereo appeared, only making a comment on them finding common ground rather quickly, but not otherwise interfering with the conversation.

Everyone seemed friendly, making introductions and some friendly conversation, but still giving room for Solara and Randal to finish their discussion. The only one to arrive late for dinner, was Leo, a frown painted over his expression once more.

Solara’s brow furrowed at the sight of him, but she didn’t wish to hurt the young lion’s pride and address the issue right there, in front of everyone.

“Hey, Leo?” She asked in a suitable point of the flowing conversation.

“Yeah?” He asked, clearly trying to hide his troubles and putting on a brave face. But his tone spoke far too loud of the worry that must’ve curled into his bones once more.

“There’s something I’d like to talk about with you a bit later on, if that’s okay?” She gave him a reassuring smile, making the corners of his lips turn slightly upwards.

“Yeah, it’s alright.” He stated with a weak smile, a flicker of gratitude passing through his eyes.

“Wonderful,” she only said, not wanting to make a scene of the situation, all others seeming to pay no attention to the brief interaction, or thinking nothing of it. Only Mereo raised an eyebrow, but opted to say nothing.

---

After dinner Solara and Randal spent a considerable amount of time in the Captain’s, and Randal’s offices, revising documents and laying groundwork for the following day, sun already having set as they were able to wrap things up. Solara left Randal’s office, only to find Leo waiting behind a corner.

“Hey,” she greeted, giving him a tired smile.

“Hey,” he replied his gaze falling to the side.

“What’s going on?” She asked, as guilt of making him wait this long tugged at her heartstrings.

“I-,” he paused as he held out a book, his eyes falling to its cover. “I tried to read it to him, but I kept skipping over lines, or reading them twice, and then sometimes I had to stop to pronounce words correctly, and it wasn’t good story telling…” his confession fell from him onto the book and tumbled down onto the floor with a loud clang that echoed around the hallway.

Seeing him so defeated twisted her heart, subsiding her own fatigue as sadness washed over her. “Maybe it’d help if you first read the chapter to yourself quietly, and then read it to him,” she suggested, trying to meet Leo’s gaze.

He only grit his teeth, his fingers curling tighter around the book. “I tried that, but it didn’t help,” he forced the words out of his throat, their sharp corners slicing his tongue on their way out.

A brief silence fell between them as Solara search for words of comfort to give him, but felt powerless to help him. After all, there was so little she could actually do for him, and that little felt so inadequate.

“May I?” she asked while holding her hand out, Leo’s gaze lifting only enough to reach the tips of her fingers.

He said nothing, but handed the book to her. His eyes travelled with the motion as Solara held the book out to herself. She turned the pages to the first chapter, letting her index finger glide across the lines. The spacing between the lines is quite thin actually. It’d be difficult to keep track while reading out loud even if using a finger as a cursor. She thought for a moment, but as she became aware of her note sheet, that was still in her hand from her talks with Randal, an idea dawned on her.

“Hmm,” she hummed as she took the paper and folded it to reveal a blank surface. She placed the folded edge under the first line and began to read, moving the paper and revealing new lines as the story advanced, but stopped after the first paragraph. Her eyes lifted from the book and met with Leo’s, whose were now wide open, his mouth agape. “See, you can use a blank piece of paper to help you keep track of the line you’re on,” she smiled and held the book out, handing it back to Leo.

“You should read to him!” Leo exclaimed, making Solara’s brows shoot up in surprise.

“I-,” she paused as her expression softened back to what it had been, “Wasn’t this supposed to be for him to know that *you* are there for him?” she asked, but feeling a tiny bit flattered.

“What matters is that he knows that somebody is there for him! It doesn’t matter if it’s me reading or someone else, as long as he knows,” Leo stated firmly while taking Solara’s hand and started pulling her towards the sick room.

“Leo, I-,” she began, but didn’t really know what to say. Still Leo heard the hesitance in her voice, so he turned around to look at her, his hand still holding on.

“Would you read to him, please?” His tone was stern and determined, telling her just how much this meant to him. But what made Solara unable to turn down his request, even if she had wanted to, was the implore in his eyes.

She looked straight at him, seeing that he wasn’t going to give up without resistance. And quite frankly, she had no objections in going along with his wish, given that he indeed was fine with her reading in his place.

She blinked slowly, her expression melting to that of a soft smile and sympathetic gaze as she replied: “if that’s what you wish.”

Leo’s eyes lit up once more as a prominent smile rose to his lips in triumph. “I can listen too, can’t I?” He asked, excitement radiating through his question as his grip of her grew more intense with his enthusiasm.

“I can’t see why not,” she said, tilting her head as she hadn’t really imagined herself ever reading to people, but saw no harm in it. I can’t really say that I’m a storyteller, but if it makes him feel better, suppose it’s alright. She thought as Leo started pulling her forward once more.

“Um, Leo? Where are we going?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“To aniue! Let’s start the story already today!” He didn’t as much as turn his head back to Solara, only focused to move forward.

She let out a faint sigh. It’s already late, and we both should be going to bed… But if it’s just for tonight, then suppose it’ll be fine. For the future we need to establish some kind of a schedule though, but… as things are already in motion, suppose staying up a little bit later for today is acceptable. She frowned slightly, but said nothing as she knew this to mean a lot to him, destroying his newfound feeling of security and comfort being the last thing she wished to do.

“Leo, there’s no need for you to pull me. I can walk on my own,” her tone stayed calm and gentle, but was spoken loudly enough for him to make no mistake.

“Oh right. Sorry,” he stated as he glanced to her and let go, rubbing the back of his head briefly.

“It’s alright,” she replied as they continued forward, a more profound silence lingering in the air as the base was starting to quiet down. And as it did, the pull towards the sick room grew more intense. The tugging and twisting made her want to run, but it’d do no good. It’d serve no purpose and she had no right. She grit her teeth, once more wanting to snuff out the lingering feeling, but didn’t get very far.

Eventually they reached the room, Solara forcing herself to keep her gaze away from the man who laid on the bed. Which proved to be difficult as she sat down on a chair next to him, Leo moving a chair onto the opposite side, facing her.

Just concentrate on the book and take deep breaths. This’ll pass. It’s nothing. She held the book out and began reading, Leo listening to her intently as the story unfolded. Minutes ticked away, but none noticed the time passing, as they were immersed with the plot. And as the first chapter ended, Solara put down the book, telling Leo that they should get to sleep. He protested, but gave in as they agreed to continue tomorrow.

Darkness prevailed outside, and the only light source in the room was a single candle that cast its soft glow around, shadows dancing with the flickering flame. Solara encouraged Leo to get some sleep as she summoned her radiating mana skin, extending from her fingertips as if as claws, to cast some more light into the room before snuffing out the candle.

“I’m not that tired,” Leo yawned, making Solara raise an eyebrow at him; a hint which he understood and got up to leave.

Solara stayed behind to move the chairs away from the bed, making a few yawns of her own. But as she passed the man in deep, deep slumber, she couldn’t help but whisper out a question: “Who are you to me?” A pointless question she needed to ask for reasons that she couldn’t fathom, and yet… despite knowing that she wouldn’t get an answer, she felt strange comfort rising from it. As if by acknowledging him, they would have gotten closer; the tugging of the strings of fate easing up for the moment. She scoffed at herself for being ridiculous, and shook her head while making her way to the door.

But as she was about to make her leave, the door being open by only a mere crack anymore, she stopped and whispered: “Good night.” Her voice barely reached her own ears, the action making her feel like a fool once more. But with those words she was able to close the door and retire for the night, wondering if staying here was actually a good idea as she questioned her sanity. But still, leaving seemed more painful than it should. So, for now, she settled for rubbing her temples and trying to work her way around the emotions that she shouldn’t have had. This will pass. A sentence that became a mantra for her. A mantra that lost gravity each time she repeated it.

[retrievablememories]

try again | ten

title: try again pairing: ten x black!reader genre: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff request: “Can I ask a dark Ten and his black wife having a miscarriage and feeling like she failed him in being a good wife and making him a father so she wants a divorce so he can be happy with someone else but he persists on being with her not matter what happens. Thanks for taking it!” word count: 2.9k warnings: mentions of a miscarriage, depression/grief, marital troubles a/n: my computer/photoshop is being raggedy as hell so i don’t have an actual banner pic or paragraph separators for now 😢 god. i ended up watching a 15 min youtube video about newborns b/c of this fic, tho, so that was fun

Seeing those two little lines was one of the happiest days of your life.

After trying for nearly a year and thinking it was never going to happen, you finally got a positive result. You took 5 tests to make sure you weren’t imagining things, but it was as real as it could possibly be. The doctor’s confirmation only sealed the deal.

To know that there was a small life growing inside you that you could call your own, made from both you and Ten’s DNA, was astounding to you. There were many nights where you simply laid in bed tracing shapes over your stomach, wondering what your child would be like and if they already knew how much you adored them. You especially loved it when Ten would lay his head on your chest and caress your stomach, speaking softly to both you and your growing child.

Some hidden part of you had wanted to be hesitant about celebrating this developing chapter of your life, not knowing if things would turn out alright since it had been so difficult to conceive before. Soon, though, you let that worry fade to the back of your mind in the face of your overwhelming joy. You filled your hours with thinking about baby names and baby nurseries and baby clothes, wanting to create the best life you possibly could for your little one.

You willed your fears not to get the best of you for once and instead poured all your energy into creating that reality. A reality that, unbeknownst to you both, wouldn’t come to pass.

You can still remember that blissful feeling now, if you concentrate hard enough and try to push past the pain. You hold onto that glimpse of happiness very tightly, drawing what you can from its memory until you can receive nothing more.

Back when you first lost the baby, Ten had promised you he could never be mad at you about it, even though you asked him over and over again—nearly everyday—if he was upset with you. Even then, he didn’t get angry with you asking all the time, which somehow made you feel worse. Like even more of a burden. You tried to stop asking about it, stop thinking about it, but his words weren’t quite enough to reassure you.

Despite your best efforts—from both you and him—the seed of doubt implanted itself in your mind anyway and slowly began festering there.

Where your bed once was a place where you dreamed about your future child, and even conceived them there, it’s now become something of a prison. A constant reminder of what happened and what won’t happen. The sheets are more like arms that suffocate you in their hold and keep you confined in a cocoon of pain. Despite your desire to be free of this cage that’s sprung up around you, you find it impossible to escape.

Whenever Ten is off at work, you continually ruminate on the past year of failures. Your one tiny hope and the end of its brief light, so quick that it’s difficult to remember how it happened. No, you don’t recall much from the day you were rushed to the hospital or how the miscarriage itself occurred, though you think maybe it’s better that way.

You’re somewhat grateful for how the human brain knows how to protect itself from trauma. Sometimes it’s the only way to survive. You find it incredibly ironic, though, how things we don’t remember still imprint themselves on our minds and souls. You experience the pain as acutely as if you’d been mentally present for it all.

The dark thoughts press in more closely whenever Ten is not next to you, though you never feel completely whole even when he is around to comfort you. Your mood worsens in the day, when he’s gone at work. You don’t even have your own work anymore to take your mind off of things, having taken a month off to recover. The worries that plague you during these hours make it hard to do much of anything but lie in bed and sleep.

You’re more grateful for his presence than he can know, but you also feel increasingly guilty when he’s the one who has to do most of the housework. If you had the energy or motivation to do it, you would; but right now, those feelings are lost to you. You keep hoping to yourself that you’ll find your way out of this dark place soon, even though you are more suffocated by it by the minute.

On a day where you find it especially difficult to keep the thoughts at bay, you contemplate many things.

What would it be like if you were no longer here? If Ten could find another wife who could actually give him what he so desired, without failing this time? He deserves that much, doesn’t he? To have a family of his own, even if it can’t be with you. Maybe you can’t have kids at all, and your short pregnancy was the only chance you had of conceiving. In that case, you reason that he should be able to go off and find someone else instead of you clinging so tightly to him, unable to let go.

It pains you to do it, but you begin writing a note for him to find later, too afraid to tell him out loud what you’ve been thinking and what you plan to do. You don’t know if anything you’re writing makes sense, but you feel like you have to do it either way; there’s no point in staying and making you both more miserable.

That night, Ten holds you as he falls asleep, like every other night. You stay awake for hours after he drifts off, turning your plan over in your head. A few tears drop from your eyes, but you quickly wipe them away, ignoring your own heartache. You’ve already set your mind to it.

When Ten gets home that Thursday, he’s surprised and a little panicked to see your car not in the driveway. It’s been sitting there for weeks, but now that it’s gone, it must mean you’ve went somewhere.

Maybe you’ve gathered enough strength to go out today and go shopping, something you always liked to do. A part of him suspects that isn’t the real answer, though, which only increases his anxiety. Maybe he’s just being paranoid, but he decides to check just in case.

He calls you, but it goes straight to voicemail. When he tries a few more times with the same result, his nervousness turns into full-blown panic. Unsure what to do, he decides to text you despite knowing he probably won’t get an answer.

6:25 P.M. Y/N are you okay? Where are you???

6:26 P.M. If you decided to go out today just text or call me back please, I just need to know you’re okay

6:26 P.M. I’m really worried

Ten finally gets out of the car and goes in the house, rushing up the stairs to your shared bedroom. He’s doubtful he’ll find anything there, but he needs some kind of answer for what’s going on. To his surprise, there’s a note lying on the bed.

Chittaphon,

I’m leaving for a while. Please don’t panic or be upset, I’ll be safe where I’m going. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you anything, but maybe it will be easier this way. I’m not sure if I can continue on like this. I have to think about some things. I want you to know that I’ve loved you since the first moment, but I don’t know if that’s enough anymore.

I did everything I could to help us form a life together, but I failed anyway. I hate myself for it. I don’t blame you if you hate me too, or if you’re only staying with me because you think I can’t make it on my own right now. I just want you to find happiness again, whether I’m there or not.

Y/N

Ten shakily sits on the bed, covering his mouth with his hand and closing his eyes tightly against the tears. The absolute stillness of the house without you in it is overbearing, and he puts his head between his knees as he tries to block the quiet out. He doesn’t move from that spot for a long time, and his head pounds from the blood rushing to his skull, but that discomfort is nothing compared to the turmoil stirring in his chest.

A loud knocking on the door startles you out of your sleep.

It’s only been a few days since you left your home with Ten, and you’ve kept your phone off and buried at the bottom of your suitcase since then. You had no intentions of talking even if he tried to contact you, and you eliminated that line of communication so you wouldn’t have to. It’s been your small hope that your actions have built up enough to make him hate you, to not want to contact you anymore, to agree to a divorce—although that thought brings you more pain all the same.

You stumble out of bed and into the hallway, and there’s an ensuing commotion on the other side of the hall as your parents come rushing out of their room. Your mother comes to your side with concern and panic on her face, grabbing your arm. “Y/N? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you say, though you’re trembling a little from the sudden noise.

“I don’t know who the hell is banging on the door like that at this time of night, but let me tell you…” Your father curses under his breath as he heads to the living room to peek out the window and see who it is. He quickly comes back into the hallway with a puzzled expression. “Y/N, it’s your husband.”

“Chittaphon? I thought you said you both agreed it’d be best for you to come home for a little while? Why is he here at this hour?” Your mom gives you a wide-eyed look, waiting for your explanation, and your head begins to hurt from the hurricane of emotions you’re enduring.

Your fingers fidget as you try to steady your nerves enough to respond. “Please, just let me talk to him alone. I-I know why he’s here, but we have to talk…”

Ten bangs on the door again, and your dad gives a skeptical glance. “Are you sure?”

“It’s fine, I promise,” you say, gently ushering your parents back to their room. “Please, just let me handle this.” They look like they want to say or do something more, but they relent to your request and leave you in the hallway alone. Your mother glances at you from behind the door before closing it, though you notice she doesn’t shut it all the way.

When you open the door, Ten stands there looking at you from behind the screen door with distress written all over his face. The mesh screen obscures his features a bit, but you can still read him from a mile away. You immediately feel guilty, though you don’t make any move to open the door. You’ve already made your decision—but mostly for his sake.

Ten drops his backpack—the only thing he has with him—and presses his hands against the mesh as if he could touch you through it. You back up a little when he does, standing further away from the entrance. He sounds like he’s been running a marathon when he speaks. “Why did you leave?”

“Why are you here?”

“Y/N, I know there is only one place you’d go for sure in a situation like this. And I was right. Why did you leave?”

You shake your head. “I don’t think this is a good idea anymore.”

“What isn’t a good idea? Us being together?”

“We should get a divorce,” you say quietly, somewhat afraid of his reaction, though you still think it needs to be put out in the air.

Ten is lost for words, and he has to think for a few moments before speaking again. “Y/N. Just tell me this one thing. Do you hate me?”

You’re quiet for a moment. You want to tell him yes, to make this separation easier so he can forget about you and move on. But your throat tightens at the idea of letting that word pass your lips. Tears sting the backs of your eyes even though you silently beg them not to.

“No.” Your voice wavers a little when you respond. “I just...want you to be happy. I’m sure you read the note.”

“You’ve forgotten one thing. I can’t be happy without you.”

“But you were happy before you met me. You can do that again.”

Ten presses his forehead against the door, knowing he has to keep his patience even if he’s upset. “But we’re together now, and now that you’re in my life I don’t want you to ever leave.”

“Chittaphon, please. You don’t need me. The only thing I’ve done lately is be a burden to you.”

“Y/N. You know, I considered just letting you go wherever you needed to go to make things less painful for you. That’s the only reason I didn’t come up here immediately. I thought maybe you’d fallen out of love with me, didn’t want to see me again, and that I just needed to let you be for a while...but Y/N, I can’t be without you. I’m not going to leave my wife alone when she needs me the most—whether you’ll allow yourself to believe that or not.”

The first tears drop despite your resistance to them, and you have to struggle to talk through the knot in your throat. “But I-I couldn’t—I’ve been a terrible wife, I couldn’t give you the child you w-wanted, that we b-both wanted…” You lean against a nearby wall for stability as your body grows weaker. “We tried so hard for a year, and…”

Ten clings more tightly to the mesh, his own tears dripping from his chin. “Please open the door.” At this point you are too shattered to deny him, and you seek his comfort even though you feel undeserving of it.

When Ten finally coaxes you onto the porch, he pulls you straight into his arms and holds you close, allowing himself to simply breathe in the scent of your hair and skin. You both end up sinking to the wooden porch floor, with Ten embracing you.

“Y/N, I’m begging you to trust me. There’s no way I could hate or blame you for this,” he says quietly, your tears wetting each other’s skin. “Sometimes things happen that we don’t understand. That just means we have to get through them together.” He pulls back a little to make you look at him, his hands cradling your face. “We can always try again. This doesn’t have to be the end, Y/N.”

You nod slowly, looking into his despairing eyes. “I’m sorry.”

You allow him to bring your head to his chest—the same as he often did with you. His heartbeat thuds under your ear, and the sound makes you feel calmer than you’ve been in weeks. You sit together like that for a while, listening to the sounds of wildlife all around you and letting yourselves mend the broken pieces of each other.

You wake up to the sensation of a small, wiggling weight on your chest, and you’re confused as to what’s going on until you hear the sound of a familiar set of giggles. A smile crosses your face before you even open your eyes, and you reach your hand out to feel a bundle of soft, curly hair.

“Are you awake already? It’s so early.” More happy laughter is your response, and you finally let loose a chuckle of your own. You open your eyes to the sight of your 1-year-old son nose-to-nose with you, his warm breaths puffing across your face. He smiles and squeals loudly when he sees you looking at him, and you scoop him up into your arms to cuddle him close.

“Good morning my little boy,” you sigh, kissing the top of his head. He smells freshly-washed, so you know Ten must’ve given him a bath already. Your son is more interested in treating you like a playground and climbing all over you rather than lying in your arms, but you’re more than happy to let him play to his heart’s content.

The door to your bedroom opens soon after, the smell of breakfast drifting into the room. The bed sinks behind you as Ten climbs on, and your son squeals even louder at the sight of his father. Laughing, Ten picks the small boy up and nuzzles his face into his hair before turning to you.

“Hey sexy, breakfast is ready,” he says, leaning forward to kiss your cheek.

“Don’t flatter me, I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet,” you say this with a grin as Ten keeps kissing your face, with your son trying to get in between you so he can give you kisses too. You wrap your arms around both of them and you all huddle up in a heap on the bed, laughing and falling over each other. In this moment, you have little doubt that you’re the happiest person in the world.

[vegetacide]

Veggie art’ing Part II complete…  This is a continuation of THIS 

Also for something a bit new as I had several notes asking what was going on with the previous pic I wrote a little something to accompany this.  It took a rather unexpected direction on me as I had ordinally intended for this to be a reconciliation picture..   Just were my mind veered for some reason.. I blame these two idiots…

I have spent far too long plunking away at this so bare with me if its absolutely crap. 

Anyway.. if you wish to read it.. look check out below 

Working title: …haven’t come up with one yet.. meh. Sue me

Blanket warning: Hints to adult subject matter that some might find offensive or triggery..mentions of past trama…. etc etc

Rating: Teen.. I guess

Word count: 2726 words 

Characters: Virgil/Kayo

Fandom: TaG’verse A/U

Location: My made up beach house located somewhere on Tracy Island..  

Veggie notes:   Any errors are completely my own and I am sure I will catch them at some point on one of my obsessive read throughs of self doubt.  :D

Enjoy…

o0o 

Damn, how in the world had it come to this? 

Virgil watched as she padded on quiet, bare feet across the beach house deck.  Retreating again and effectively shutting him out.  Her slender shoulders so small under the too big flannel of his shirt, were hunched as she protectively wrapped her arms around herself. Closing off like she always did when things got too close and too real for her to deal with. 

His chest hurt, a dull ache behind his breast bone and he rubbed at it subconsciously.  Like his heart was too big and in its floundering it was trying to break through the meager sack of flesh that housed it.

Cursing, he rubbed at it again and resisted the urge to drive his fist in the plastered wall of the beach house.  The effort wouldn’t serve any meaningful purpose anyways other than splitting his knuckles. There was no detracting from his present circumstances and potential broken bones wouldn’t change that. 

He should have taken more care with his words instead of letting his thoughts run free as he did and he kicked himself for his short sightedness,  not that it fixed anything.  He’d been too caught up in his own little world,  completely forgetting the reality they were living and now here they were. 

On opposing ends of a vast chasm.  Him holding on with all his might to keep his family whole while Kayo fought against it. The horrible twisted image of family that a mad man had imprinted on her at too young an age warping her view on things to the detriment of them both.    An idea she had been fighting her whole life to make different and one she couldn’t escape, it seemed no matter how hard they tried to.  

The old doubts and worries were always just beneath the surface just waiting to spring forth to bugger things up. The present being a prime example.  

The morning had started out completely different and felt almost like a dream to where they were now.   Warm and lazy with a vague like quality one found just upon waking.   

Kayo had been snuggled in his arms. Her legs tangled with his among the rumpled sheets. A sweet ocean breeze blowing through the gossamer curtains and dancing pleasantly over their satiated bodies.  Wicking the dew of sweat from their skin as their pulses slowed and their minds drifted back from the bliss of carnal sensation. 

His fingers had been lazily tracing up and down her back, over the sinewy grace of her shoulders and down the curve of her spine. Paying homage and mapping every glorious inch to his artist brain. 

He’d been lost in a day dream of what could be. The gentle rise of her hip, the varied valleys of her ribs  directing the course of his thoughts.  A picture was forming of a future, one that stretched out before them like a blank canvas, waiting for them to take up the brush and fill it with colour and life. 

A story in images had started to sketch itself  in his mind’s eye.  The two of them, together.  Healing, growing and evolving with a world of opportunity before them and nothing to hold them back. 

Not being able to contain himself as he lazed with her, Virgil had voiced his thoughts. Letting loose all that he’d hoped for.   A tumble of words spewing forth that had Kayo suddenly growing still and stiff to his touch. 

“Virgil,  stop…”  Had been all she’d uttered before she’d turned from his embrace and slipped from the soft comfort of their bed.  Her hair a tumble of love tousled ebony, hiding her face. 

“It would be a nice picture to paint.”  He’d replied, mind still on other things and not on the present.   “Go anywhere, wherever we want.  Take in the sights for a change instead of just jetting by them.  Go to that little cabin by that lake I told you about… it would be a perfect spot to..”

“Enough! …” The abruptness of her raised voice had him snapping his jaw shut.  

With jerking motions, she’d grabbed up his shirt.  The match to his favourite pair of lounge pants.   The one she loved to cozy into and entice him with. A glimpse of flesh here as it rode up her thighs, a flash there as supple mounds peaked out between the row of loosed buttons. Now though it covered her in a different manner entirely.  Like a shield, she clasped it tightly 

He’d pushed up to his elbows, brows dropped low with concern as he’d finally taken note that something wasn’t quite right..  “Kay?"  

She’d cast her gaze back at him then.  The briefest of looks had been enough for him to catch the shadow of disquiet in them.  Their usual vibrancy muddied by brewing clouds of anger that had him sliding from the sheets and reaching for her. 

“Don’t.” Was all she said, shaking her head as he’d risen and moved towards her.  Her hands held aloft to hold him back as she’d strode from the room.  

“What… Tin,  what’s going on?”  

Grabbing up his pants Virgil had stumbled after her, hopping as he yanked them on amid a  litany of colourful words. 

“Shit… Wait..”  

Steps later he was confronted by a fury he hadn’t expected considering where and what they had been doing mere moments before.  

She had been pacing like a caged animal,  across the expanse of the living room and back again.  Rage flowing from her with each hurried step. 

“What…?”  Was all he managed to say before she turned on him.  Fire in her gaze,  colour high on her cheeks.  

“You know what?”  She seethed, poking a finger in his direction as she did another circuit of the room.

He’s own anger bubbled to the surface,  “Actually, I don’t. So would you enlighten me to whatever erroneous infraction it is that you think that I’ve done?”  

“Oh, don’t give me that.  You know exactly what the problem is.”

Virgil’s brows shot up as her words had struck a chord in his grey matter. “Problem? You really think…”

“What in the hell were we thinking?!”  She growled out, shoving a chair out to the way and knocking it over with a crash. “Selfish..Stupid.”

“With the lives we lead….You can’t ask this of me!”   

Her words had been like a physical blow and Virgil had taken an involuntary step back. She’d wanted her words to hurt and she’d succeeded.  She never did pull her punches and her aim was as impeccable as ever.

He’d seen the realization of what she’d said flicker through her gaze but she’d quickly buried it. Instead of saying more, she shook her head, turned  her back on him once more and walked out the open sliding doors putting more than just distance between them. 

And he’d let her go,  his shoulders slumping at the writing between the lines of what had been said. In his mind there was only one option open to them but maybe for her that wasn’t the case. The implications of those options was something he couldn’t dare to fathom…but it was a road he wouldn’t let her travel down alone.  

He had a responsibility to uphold,  as  her husband and as the man he prided himself on being.  A rescuer in dark times, when there was no one else capable of the job and sometimes those that needed rescuing were closer to home.

Squaring his shoulders he went after her.  She was begging for a fight. An obvious distraction from the core reasoning behind her lashing out at him but he wouldn’t take her up on the invitation.   He wouldn’t let her push him away to deal with whatever this was on her own. 

Passing through the doors,  his eyes scanned over the deck and his breath had caught.   

She looked so small, fragile and it had brought him up short. Slumping,  he braced himself between a support post and the beach house wall.  An uncanny exhaustion suffusing him as he saw the uphill battle of the task ahead.  A task he was determined to see through to the end, no matter the outcome. 

He hated seeing her like this and despite her best efforts to push him away, Virgil knew her too well.  Had spent most of his life knowing her.  He could read her nuances, gestures and mood even when she tried to close off from him like she was trying to do now under a mask of anger.  

“Tin,”  He said carefully, dropping his hand and pushing away from the post.  He drew in a breath and let it out slowly, letting the tension slip from his shoulders.   Approaching her with all guns blazing would only crank her defenses up higher and wouldn’t get them anywhere.

He watched her stance with a practiced eye as he stepped closer.  She was like an abused animal.  Even with all of her training, when she was emotionally compromised as she was right now the scared little girl she had been came to the fore.  The one they met when she’d first came to live with them, hiding behind her father’s leg.   

He hadn’t known her history then,  the actions of her uncle and the effect that it would have on the rest of her life.  How it would shape her into the strong, determined woman she was today.  Never letting anyone get close enough to see the frightened child she closeted away inside.  Virgil though had managed to find his way inside,  found the cracks in her apparent impenetrable armour and had broken through to  the core of the woman inside.  The one she tried desperately to hide from the world in a shell of fierce resolve and purpose.  

Under it all was a woman, who had seen too much.  Abused, battered, basically orphaned by her absentee father and desperately afraid.  To top it all off, she hated the weakness and fought tooth and nail to hide it from everyone.  With the exception of him,  she didn’t have a choice there. He’d wormed his way in and he wouldn’t stand by and let her retreat from herself or from him.  

Gently he placed his hands on her tight shoulders,  cupping their slender, wavering strength and he whispered her name again.  “Tanusha…”  

Her head bowed further,  a meager attempt to hide in the fall of her hair but he could feel the quiver in her body now,  hear the soft stuttered intake of her breath.  She was crying and trying oh so hard not to be. 

Pain and love swelled through his chest, and an undeniable protectiveness.  

Virgil pulled her back into his embrace, encircling his arms around her waist and with little resistance she melted.  

“I’m sorry,”  He whispered over the curve of her ear,  brushing his lips across the elven-like arch of it.  “I’m so sorry.”  

He put all his love he could into the words, hoping that by apologizing for something he wasn’t wholly the cause of would help alleviate her suffering in some way. 

“I wasn’t thinking and it was insensitive of me.”  He tightened his hold on her,  reassurance imbued into the gesture and slowly began to rock giving her the time to pull herself back together again. 

The slight tremor slowly dissipated,  her breathing settling into a somewhat normal rhythm and he knew that she was ready to hear. More so when she dragged in a ragged breath and exhaled a long drawn out sigh. He could almost hear her counting to ten in her head.  A method she used to reign back in some of her control and a calm he knew well creeped back in. One that camouflaged a great deal of hurt. 

He did the same,  his warm breath stirring her hair and ghosting across the smooth column of her neck which peeked out from the drooping collar of his shirt.   

“You know we’ve got this, right?”  He questioned though he wasn’t expecting an answer.  “Yes,  he’s out…”  She stilled once more in his hold but Virgil couldn’t stop now,  Kayo needed to hear this even if it was just a band-aid to the problem.   He couldn’t sit by and let her lose herself in fear so he pushed on. There was too much at stake.

“Yes,  he’s upped his game in a big way.  Dad knew he was capable,  your Dad knew….” A flinch at the mention of the absentee man but again he pressed on.  There was no backing down now.  What he had to say, needed to be said.  

“We were unprepared but we know better now and I promise you, Tanusha Kyrano Tracy;  just like I did on the day you said ‘Yes’.. That I will never,  ever let that man hurt you again.”  

He slipped a hand down,  between the soft folds of flannel,  across her silky, soft skin that concealed honed muscle and deadly skills. Brushed the edge of fine lace and stilled, cupped and shielded that which was only known to the two of them.  

With strength of purpose his chest swelled,  a determination unlike any he had ever known bulked up the threat behind his next words.  “I’ll do everything in my power to protect both of you, I swear it or the Hood will regret the day he heard the name Tracy.”

She turned, taking his hand in her own and lightly brushing her lips across his knuckles. “You’re too good for me Virgil Grissom Tracy and I don’t deserve you.”  

The brief storm of anger has fled from her eyes, leaving behind only doubt and fear.  “But I don’t think it’s as easy as that. You’re too good a man to stoop to such levels and I don’t think I could live with myself if you made that sort of sacrifice on my behalf. 

Besides,  what sort of life could we offer with him out there.   He’s already been the cause of so much pain.  You and your brother’s have suffered for years because of it..I don’t think I would have the strength if he was to get you or….” 

Virgil’s frowned.  “Tin,  I married you.  All of you and everything you brought with you. I knew full well what I was marrying into but that man,  that bastard… he can’t come between us and what we want unless you let him.”  

Her gaze dropped and with gentle fingers he lifted her chin and waited for her to meet his pleading eyes.  “Don’t let him win… not in this. Please God, not in this.”  

“We may not have a choice…” Came the whisper of her response, her forehead resting against his own as a lingering tear slipped from her lashes. 

“Tin, please….”

“Virgil, I love you.  God, how I love you but I can’t tell you what you want to hear.  Not right now. If the Hood found out…. 

Just then the island klaxon blared  and Virgil’s comms started to ping with urgency.

Kayo took a step back from him and he stared after her. Brain going a mile a minute with words he wanted to say,  emotions he wanted to express.   

“Go…” She said with resignation, her arms once more crossing over her frame.   “You’re needed..” 

“I’m needed more here.”  

His comms buzzed again followed by the voice of his star loving sibling. “Virgil, you’re needed in Ops. A.S.A.P.  Please confirm.””  

Conflicted, Virgil stood unmoving,  his fist clenched at his side.   Trapped between the woman he loved and the life they’d chosen.  

“Go,  I’ll be here when you get back..”   

His brother’s voice sounded again from his comms, pulling him in two directions at once.  The hint of stress he picks up in it though had him unfreezing and heading for the underground access to the hanger.  

Passing through the automated door and hitting his comms to reply to John, he looked back at Kayo.  His heart sinking and doubt filling him as he watched her turn away from him.  

Uncertainty prickling across his skin as he questioned the validity of her words but there was nothing he could do right now.   Lives were at stack…more so than just those that needed rescuing and his hands were tied… 

“FAB John,  on my way…”

FIN….????

[b-rainlet]

📓📓📓📓

- the-scarecrxw

(Since you sent 4 of those emojis I'm gonna go off but I'll stick to one in this answer and make seperate posts for the others aksnsns)

I can't give you anything Jonathan centric (that isn't Tommy/Jonathan, one of my fave rarepairs) but Jerome features in lots of my AUs.

This one is one of my faves that's entirely self-indulgent and if it ever gets written it's probably gonna be the longest fic I ever published (Again: If it ever gets written):

I gotta apologize in advance, it's just a fun little AU I haven't put too much thoughts into in terms of plotting so this is gonna be A. Long, B. Messy and C. A little chaotic

- First off, you gotta understand that @nsfwitchy2 Me had some fun with a pretty nonsensical and definitely not canon-compliant AU where Jerome and Jeremiah have three Mums (Tabby, Lee and Barbara, who all date) and live with them and Barbara Lee as their little sister.

- Ecco also lives with them, she sees herself as both the twins' gf more than a genuine part of the family tho (for now)

- (Meanwhile at Wayne Manor Alfred and Jim date and are very tired parents of Bruce and his clone 514A, in this AU - and pretty much every AU - nicknamed Brook)

- (Selina kinda goes back and forth between living at Wayne Manor or at Lee's place)

- Also, everyone dates. The twins. The clones. Eccomiah, Jecco, Batcat, Valeyne, Wayleska, they're all fucking

- Which isn't THAT important for this particular AU but I figured I'd give a warning xD

- This is mostly my attempt to give Tabitha some more backstory? Just...how I personally see her character and how I could see her end up if things would've went differently after S2

- The google docs file is called 'How Tabitha started being a Mum while disregarding canon completely' lmao

- Like her current life involves having 4 kids (if you count Selina) and two wives and that's a hell of an AU and I just like to overthink things and play with the way things would have needed to have gone in canon to have her 'end up' like this

- Also I can see her struggling with having a family all if a sudden (that isn't a manipulative brother or a weird cult)

-Especially if that involves Motherhood

- So on one hand it's a 'S2 until now' fic, explaining what happened to her in my canon

- But also - mostly because I find that easier to organize in my brain - it's interwoven with a 5+1-esque fic of all her children calling her 'Mum' (and her getting emotional over that)

- So it switches back and forth between the past and the present but for rambling's sake, I'll start with the past

- She still leaves Theo behind and flees with Silver but she keeps Silver close instead of immediately sending her away

- And her and Silver get taken in by Fish after they leave Theo because they have nowhere to go and Fish loves taking care of strays

- (Fish, who probably didn't end up in Indian Hill but rather lives in hiding until she is ready to strike against Penguin)

- She refers to herself as Liza's Mother in canon, you can't tell me she wouldn't instantly adopt Tabby and call her 'Honey' and give her motherly advice while Tabby tries to be all bite but actually enjoys somebody taking care of her for once

- Selina🤝Tabby

'Trying so very hard all the time to not show how soft and insecure they are'

- Actually, I'd start diverting from Canon even sooner aksnsjd

- Well not full on changing canon, but I'd...pepper in some stuff

- Like some scenes of her back with Theo and the Maniax

- Mostly her talking to Theo about Jerome's planned murder, which, yeah, she knows it's been set in stone from the beginning but that doesn't mean that she isn't talking about alternatives where he doesn't get killed off

- And Theo's like "Don't tell me you're going soft. No one will miss him. He was just a boy. Not worthy enough to be remembered."

- And later on she betrays him and goes 'I remember him'

- Anyway, they stay with Fish for a while but Tabby doesn't wanna keep Silver in Gotham

- So she sends her back to the school she went to before coming to Gotham with Theo (but makes sure their weird cult can't get their hands on her there)

- And Silver wants her to come with but Tabby says she has some unfinished business

- Aka she just doesn't wanna leave Barbara (who is in a coma atm, if Memory serves right)

- And Tabby's reasoning is that it's not safe in Gotham but really, she thinks she can't be responsible for another person

- "She needs a mother. A Family. I can't give her that." - "You are her family."

- So Silver's out of the picture and Tabby hangs with Fish until Barbara wakes up and they get together again (and never ever seperate)

- Also there's no Butch/Tabby because that was unnecessary as fuck

- And I gotta be honest, I haven't thought more about canon because Butch/Tabby alone makes my head hurt already but somehow they start dating Lee

- Who brings Jerome into the relationship because I sure am fond of Lee being Jerome's Mother (like as in, I have several wips with that concept alone not counting this one)

- Jerome probably came back to life after S3 and Lee fought to have him not be treated like a violent criminal but rather a child who was taken advantage of and after his release from Arkham (where she visited him and made sure he got some proper treatment) it seemed natural to have him live with her

- (But also he's still a criminal aksnsjs, you can see how much I thought about this)

- (Sue me for sticking to the heartfelt scenes and avoiding the mess that is plotting)

- Tabby and Barbara already had Selina and through Jerome, Jeremiah and Ecco were added et voila! Their Family is complete

- (Why exactly Barbara Lee exists if Tabby and Barbara have been non-stop dating since S2 I can't tell you, I simply think she is neat and I like the idea of big brother Jerome)

- (This AU? Self-indulgent? Why would you ever think that?)

- In the present however she is dealing with what is mostly referred to as 'feelings'

- Mostly panic at realizing that the bunch of weird children she's been living with are seeing her as some kind of parental figure

- Because suddenly they all call her 'Mum'

- Unsurprisingly the first one to call her Mum is Jerome at breakfast

- She's reading the newspaper and there's an article about a hostage situation the twins planned and he goes 'Mum, are you done with that? Can we see?'

- And they snatch it from her and argue about how they didn't even make the front page while Tabby nearly chokes on her coffee

- And of course she breaks down talks to her wives about it later while they get ready for bed because no one ever called her 'Mum' before

- Barbara's braiding her hair, while Lee's off to the side, getting ready for bed and it's very domestic and I am very gay

- But neither see it as a big deal because both of them have been called Mum before (by Jerome at least. Like. Immediately upon meeting them)

- So she's trying to be nonchalant about it because it's only a big deal if she makes it one

- While also not being able to deny the warm feeling that spreads throughout her body when Jerome keeps calling her 'Mum'

- Miah and Selina on the other hand are both hesitant to call anyone Mum

- Miah cause of Pride, Selina cause of her Mummy Issues

- But they both do at some point

- I think I have more notes on this SOMEWHERE but I kinda wanna have Miah call her Mum while he's ill (because we all know he'd be super fussy and want attention 24/7)

- So she humours him and while he's close to falling asleep - and she's totally not carding her fingers through his hair because she isn't soft or anything - he mumbles: "Thank you Mum" and she melts

- Selina would be more angsty

- Like, maybe it's her birthday and she disappears for a while (as she tends to do) but Tabby (who's closest to her) knows how hard this day is for her (since again her Mum isn't there with here and looks for her and brings her back home but doesn't make a big fuss out of her birthday

- Just...lets her be, gives her space but also lets her curl up close to her and maybe Selina doesn't call her Mum on that exact day

- But it's the day she realizes she wouldn't mind calling Tabitha her Mother, so she hesitantly tries it out a while later (maybe days, maybe weeks, however long it takes for her to feel comfortable with it) and they share a smile

- Then there's Barbara Lee, but she barely counts because she's a toddler and calls everyone 'Mummy'

- Even her father ajsnsnsn

- The last one would be Ecco because I have a very soft spot for Tabby and Ecco being close

- Ecco's rather formal with them for the longest time (she calls Barbara, Lee and Tabby 'Ma'am' for the most part because she may like them, but she doesn't think they see her as family. She's just the token girlfriend).

- So there's a scene where they connect, possibly over Tabby's hand and Ecco's head since I hc that Ecco gets headaches and migraines a lot (considering that she still gets shot in the head by Miah, like I said, this AU isn't necessarily the most bullet proof in terms of linear timelines)

- But so is Gotham so-

- So there's possibly a scene where Ecco's headache is getting super bad and no one's around (especially not Miah to dote on her) and Tabby awkwardly tries to bond by telling her about her hand and how she can't feel much (is a little clumsy with it) and Ecco immediately imprints on her like a duckling

- Maybe it's even the first time anyone reached out to Ecco in a way that feels genuine, especially without the twins or any of her (various) other partners being present so now she's willing to die for Tabby

- Which ends in her also calling her 'Mum' (while she keeps calling Lee and Barbara 'Ma'am' and Lee's so mad ajsnsjdj she was trying so hard to bond with this kid but couldn't quite get it right and you're telling her her socially pretty clumsy - but still wonderful of course - wife managed with just one conversation?? Slander

- And of course because I can't stop myself, there would be even more tidbits here and there of Tabby overcoming her previous way of living (as in, thinking caring or showing emotions is weakness) by having her reminisce a LOT about Theo

- For example by having Jerome climb into bed with her while Barbara's sleeping and Tabby is waiting for Lee to come home

- Lee works as a doc in the narrows which may be a little illegal, but the people didn't just stop needing help after her Queen of the Narrows arc was over, so I vote she keeps at it (and is held in very high regard for it by pretty much everyone)

- Tabby always stays up until everyone is home because she likes knowing where everyone is and that they're safe while Jerome has frequent nightmares and wanders around the house, so this isn't a rare occurrence

- And sometimes, they talk Theo

- "You miss him?" - "Don't know."

- "I wish he was still alive so I could kill him." - "....Me too." - "Which one?" - "...Both."

- (ajajsbssj this is all just copy pasted and cleaned up a lil', leave me and my pretentious way of writing dialogue alone)

- Tabby also has a lot of interludes where she thinks about what growing up with Theo was like/her childhood in general

- How she always protected him from other children bullying him and how they swore to have each other's back but how in hindsight, she was the one doing all the dirty work for him, helping him fulfill his dream and enact his revenge

- Realizing that he probably never cared for her, not like she cared for him

- There's also allusions to them having sex because you cannot tell me they did NOT have sex

- And it ends with Tabby realizing that she is quite happy with how she ended up, even if it's neither how she thought she would ever live nor what her old self would've even wanted, possibly seeing too many attachments as 'weak' judging by the way she canonly used Butch for convenience sake at first

- And yeah, maybe now she can provide the family - the Mother - somebody else desperately needs

- So she brings Silver home

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Request:  Wish You Could Love Me Back (Part 2) Marcus Volturi x Reader

It had been three years since the night you confessed to Caius. Three years since you had gone travelling. You kept the Cullen’s updated in all the different places you were travelling to over the years. 

As of recently, the Cullen’s had been distracted with the oncoming visit from the Volturi that they weren’t as aware of your less descriptive messages as of recently. The introductions with the Volturi were pleasant but as always, occurring on thin ice. One wrong move and the situation would escalated before a human could even blink.  “How is our dear (Y/N) doing?” Aro clasped his hands with a smile, Caius’ gaze was piercing whilst Marcus stared the Cullen’s down but he didn’t look as present.  “They’re still on their travels.” Carlisle smiled. “The last we heard, they were in Germany.” Demetri’s brow crinkled. “When did you hear this?”  “About half an hour ago.” Carlisle responded.  “(Y/N) isn’t in Germany.” Aro turned to Demetri who pointed in a direction. “Germany is that way.” Demetri then moved slightly and gestured again. “(Y/N) is in that direction.” That was how it began. 

Caius insisted that they all got to the bottom of this. It only got worse when none of them could get in contact with you. That was when they took matters into their own hands and hunted you down. 

After a few days, Demetri found you. He eyed you, although you didn’t seem to notice him yet. Instead your eyes were fixated on another man who seemed to be waiting for bus. You seemed to note the number and destination of the bus before briskly walking to catch it, keeping your distance from him. Demetri followed. 

Just before you could make it to the stop, Demetri grabbed your elbow and you turned sharply barely forcing back your inconvenienced glare. Demetri ignored it. “Well look who it is. It’s been a few years.” You wore a polite smile. “Hello Demetri, it’s nice to see you again.” “We were just talking about you, we had wondered where you had gone. Carlisle hasn’t heard from you.” You eyed the now departing bus with the man inside. You hummed, biting back a noise of annoyance. “Yeah, well, I’ve been busy.” “I see.” Demetri raised an eyebrow, Everything about you seeming off. “I’m sorry, I must be going. Excuse me.” You moved past Demetri who’s eyes followed you with a slight frown. Something definitely wasn’t right and nothing about your demeanor was like the person they knew from years ago. 

Of course Demetri followed from a distance and you didn’t seem to notice. You had caught up with the man who had gotten off three stops. He turned into a cobblestone alleyway and you were quick to follow. Demetri caught sight of his coven who also had caught sight of you. The Cullen’s weren’t far behind and Alice suddenly frowned her brow scrunching. Although the Volturi didn’t wait forcing the Cullen’s to move quickly. 

What they didn’t anticipate was to all meet up but you no where in sight and the man face to face with them. He scrutinized the Volturi’s some what dated clothing. They didn’t exactly fit the normal description, then he saw they had red eyes. “What the-” A loud bang was heard and the man fell forward. You were a few feet behind him, gun in your outstretched hand. You looked at the man before a smile made its way across your face. Suddenly the scene was chilling for that smile was one of accomplishment. You looked proud of what you had done. You were certainly smug and turned to walk away before everyone moved to their senses and surrounded you. 

“Give me the gun.” Carlisle held out his hand with an unreadable expression. Your smile vanished and that was when they noticed how oddly chilling your gaze was. It was as though you were lost yet impulsive. As though unable to keep up with yourself. “No, its mine.” You said. “Hand it over!” Caius demanded, he appeared to be very disturbed by the sight which quickly led him to anger. You sighed, handing Carlisle the gun who immediately unloaded it. Aro nodded to Felix and Demetri. “Clean that up.” He gestured to the dead man. The two nodded, immediately moving. Aro’s gaze moved back to you. “Alec…” He said.You mumbled incoherently for a second before going limp. 

It was only when they got to Italy did the situation finally be discussed. “I can’t believe they lied.” Esme began. “I can’t believe they...” She trailed off, unable to say the words as the image of you holding the gun, shooting a man and smiling about it was imprinted on her mind.  “We need to understand how it came to this.” Carlisle said, deep in thought.  “Alec will be retracting the mist any second now.” Aro mused. “No doubt we’ll get answers soon.” 

You leaned back against the desk, humming as you thought of where to really begin.  “No lies, no games. Only the truth.” Edward said flatly which made you sigh.  “I did exactly as I said at first. It was my intent to travel and I did. I even landed a few jobs but...money was tough after sometime.”  “And you never thought to ask us? We’d have given you money.” Rosalie said through a stiff jaw.  “I never got the chance, because I was tricked. There was a man, a sweet guy who saw some good in me. Turns out I was a friend of his niece. Well, supposedly it was his niece. I highly doubt that now. Anyway, he offered me a job, working in a bar. No big deal. Eventually the job description got bigger, more favours, each one a little more risky than the rest. By the time I realised i was way in over my head, it was too late to back out.” You shifted, a blank look in your eye emerging that a few in the room noted including Marcus and Caius. “I was taken to another location, kept there for a while before I was trained.”  “Kept?” Carlisle repeated.  “I didn’t get to go outside. I was confined to a bedroom with a bathroom.” You tilted your head.  “You were kidnapped.” Edward said. To the covens surprises a smile grew on your face, much like the one you had after shooting the man. You nodded at Edward. “They never tell you in the movies that the money has virtually nothing to do with it. It’s the people. They’re very good at manipulation. You don’t even realise it’s happening until it’s too late.” You shrugged. “After the training, you live by one choice. Obey orders or die. You know I had a friend once, well, sort of a friend. She didn’t do the order and the sent me to kill her. That’s the interesting part about this business, your co-workers could literally be your executioner.”  “Training? What is the training?” Carlisle’s brow furrowed.  “Self-defense, how to kill a person, how to clean up evidence, how to stay hidden, all kinds of things. The first always being to break you down so that they can build you back up.”  “You never thought to come to us? To any of us?” Caius snarled.  “That’s not how it works.” You sang. “Besides, I get paid well.” You grinned nodding to your shoes. “Hence the $200 shoes.” You smirked.  “This is ridiculous.” Caius growled. “I don’t even recognise this person.” You didn’t respond, only smiling once again.  “(Y/N), how are you, right now?” Carlisle suddenly spoke up making everyone look at you. Your smile faltered slightly but your composure mostly remained the same. “I’m fine.”  “Are you sure?” Jasper asked and you raised an eyebrow.  “I’ve been watching you as I listen to you talk.” Carlisle began. “You’re not really here in this moment, are you? You see us but you aren’t looking at us, you’re looking through us. You smile at all the wrong times. You’re recounting this as though it didn’t happen to you but to somebody else.”  “So?” You prompted lightly.  “I don’t know what you really feel but i think this is your coping mechanism. I think you’ve distanced yourself from all of this for a very long time now. I think you need help.” This time you grinned at Carlisle.   “Stay with us.” Marcus finally spoke up. “No.” You responded. “You have to.” Caius said suddenly. “No, I don’t.” “We can’t allow you to go back to that life (Y/N).” Carlisle attempted to reason with you. “You’ll never be found, no one can hurt you.” Caius scowled slightly at your protests. Finally you sighed, nodding half-heartedly and rolled your eyes. 

To your surprise, even in a castle, Caius was able to go about his own business and hound you every waking moment. No one had seen Caius as much as you had and it aggravated you to no end. Somehow you found a sanctuary for even a short time with Marcus. You had no idea how you ended up having a heart to heart with him.  "Do you remember what it was like to be dying?" You suddenly asked Marcus his gaze turned to you. "I think the human you all met, the one that said goodbye to Caius three years ago, I think they're dead. It's amazing really, how they do it. They break you down and get inside your head and build you back up into their own image." You leaned forward, your arms propping your face in your hands. Your eyes narrowed into the floor on the other side of the room, eyes distant as though consumed by a memory. "But that human isn't gone. They walk around inside my brain, a reminder of who I used to be. A reminder of who I can never be again. Then you're left with just an empty feeling and when that isn't there...pain." "When you told us your story... you would smile. Do you smile as a front? To force yourself from thinking about what happened?" Marcus asked. You met his gaze. you cracked a small smile out of habit and nodded. The empty gaze returning. "I think you're incredibly brave." Marcus spoke up. "You have a fierce heart. It's admirable." Your eyes stared into Marcus just as he did yours. "You're very bright, so I think it's only a matter of time before you heal. You might not be the same person but no one ever is. Growing to be a different person isn't always a bad thing. It's what you do from there that determines the change. This could break you or it could make you." "Why do you have so much belief in me?" You whispered. "Because you've already taken that first step. You've talked about it. You're a fighter, (Y/N)." Marcus leaned forward slightly. "I'm not the same person I was when Didyme died and I'm not a particularly good man. I've done terrible things." "Good people can do terrible things, just as terrible people can do good things." You cut in. "Yet here I sit with you, someone who considers themselves broken beyond repair, listening to someone who has wanted nothing more than to be heard." Marcus said. "How do you know that?" You asked quietly. "Because I felt that for years. I know it when I see it. So I'm going to give that opportunity. All the time. Only when you're ready to talk about it. Whenever you're ready." 

Even long after your conversation, his words stuck in your head. Something about Marcus was different. Something about him made you feel safe. It drew you in. In your mind, you wanted nothing to do with it. Shun it out and stamp out the fragile flicker of hope but your heart wanted to nurture it and hoped that maybe grow enough to guide you on where to go from here.  

You just about spent all of your time with Marcus. Every hours passing like a second. No length of time seemed to be enough. You had even gotten him to smile or even the rarest quiet chuckle. "You..." Marcus shook his head with a small smile, tearing his gaze from you. "...oh what a human you are." "Uh...thanks, I think." You teased lightly with a smile of your own. "I'd never think of you without a smile. You make me smile." Marcus' gaze reverted back to you. The more time you spent with one another meant the less the two of you could deny your feelings towards each other.  "That's because you love me, your loyal human friend." Marcus chuckled. "Friend..." Marcus hummed. "Not quite." "Hm?" "I can see bonds remember. Our bond is very special." "Yeah? What is it?" You asked. Marcus didn't answer. Those kinds of questions the two of you always left hanging.  

Marcus knew something was bothering you immediately. You seemed rather sensitive one day. You folded your arms across your chest. "What is it?" "They're waiting, Marcus." You frowned. "Caius...everyone. They're waiting for me to change. Is it that everyone wants me to be the way I was before? Were they better than me?" "We worry about you." Marcus stated. "I don't want that!" You snapped, your breathing quickening for a moment. "Can't it be accepted that this is who I am now?" Marcus thought for a moment, noting this seemed to be the tip of the iceberg. You weren't usually affected by others opinions on you but something had shifted within you and you were much more emotional than when you had first arrived. He was certain something was arising within you but what that was he didn't know.  "I accept you." Marcus said quietly. "Just the way you are." You felt a shift in you and Marcus tilted his head. "Are you alright?" You didn't know how to answer. "(Y/N), how are you feeling?" You lowered your head, your lip quivering. "Sad, relieved, hurt." Tears began to cascaded down your face and Marcus immediately pulled you into him. "I-I don't want to feel that. I'm not ready." "I know, but you are ready and it's coming. You'll get through this and I'm going to help you. You and me. We'll do it together." Marcus said gently.

Marcus remembered that feeling. He knew the pain of a broken heart all too well and whilst you had a completely different circumstances, he was ready to help you fight through it. He pulled you into his chest tightly. "I have you. You're safe. It's alright." "What's happening to me?" You whimpered. "The wall you built to protect yourself is no longer needed and you know it deep down. The wall is coming down because you're ready to let go of all the built up pain. It's coming, it'll be a big wave but you're going to get through it and everything will be so much better on the other side." You shook your head. "Let it go. You don't need it anymore." You clenched your mouth shut, trying to hold back a sob. He felt you grow rigid, your heartbeat accelerating. "Here it comes, little one." Marcus whispered to you. "Everything is okay." You were quiet for a moment before a very loud sob of heartbreak and agony escaped you. "There you go, you don't have to hold onto that pain anymore." You clung to him as you sobbed hysterically. 

Marcus stroked the back of your head meeting eyes with Caius in the doorway. Marcus gave him a knowing look. He knew Caius was concerned but the look Marcus sent him not only acknowledged that worry but also assured him. 

Marcus wasn't lying. He had you. He knew what to do. "We'll sit like this," Marcus said in your ear. "Until you're ready. Until you fall asleep, until you're hungry... Or if your legs go numb." You cracked a smile through your cries and Marcus wore his own small smile. An hour passed and neither of you had moved but your crying had stopped. "What is it about you that makes me do this? What is it about this place that...feels like home?" You croaked, your throat raw. Marcus sounded less confident in his response and more like he was telling himself more than you. "It'll pass." You turned away from the sink, feeling eyes on you from behind. 

Your eyes narrowed on Caius' intense stare. "What?" You snapped and Caius only raised an eyebrow. "Why are you so concerned with me? We haven't been in each other's lives for years and now that I'm here, you can't keep your eyes off me. What do you want?"  “To understand how we got here.” Caius responded. "You don't get to do that." You snapped. "You weren't there, you chose her. It's what we decided. It's what you wanted. It's what I wanted. So don't think you get to jump into my life like you never left!" "You left!" Caius growled. "For you!" You yelled, surprising yourself, the first time you had felt real proper anger in real time. You had surprised both him and yourself. "I knew what I was in your life- a temptation. I don't belong in your story!" You took a breath. "You promised your mate forever and I'm making sure you give her it! I am not who you need!" "I love my mate dearly." Caius agreed "but that doesn't change one thing. I told you I’d protect you and that still stands. I’d never let anyone hurt you. They won’t even get to try.” “Why?” “You know why.” You said nothing and eventually Caius said something. “You know I feel strongly for you, (Y/N).” You inhaled sharply, his wife most certainly heard that. “It’s not a secret and it’s my fault. My wife and I are working through this but she’s less hurt knowing that despite my feelings- I chose her. I will always choose her because I love her. However, I know that your heart lies somewhere else now.” Caius paused. “Marcus is a good man. He deserves you. He’s been through enough and I know he could use the light you resonate. With that, I don’t want to hold you back. I don’t want you to hold yourself back.” A tear ran down your cheer, surprisingly, a wave of relief washed over you. You didn’t realise that you wanted Caius’ blessing. Yet now that you had it, you couldn’t believe you hadn’t realised before. “Thank you.” You whispered, finally feeling free. You were silent before mumbling quietly. "I don't know when it all went wrong. It just did." 

 After some time, you were surprised to hear that Athenodora requested to see you. Your stomach dropped. You had heard Athenodora was lovely and kind but when angered could he truly wicked. You had no doubt in your mind that she was no happy with you in the slightest. 

Just as you had feared, she sat alone with a grim expression. Immediately you wanted to run for it, despite her knowing you were there. Her eyes immediately locked onto yours. “Come, sit. I am pleased you have come.” You blinked. It was an optional invitation? She noticed. “I imagine this would be difficult for you. It certainly is for me.” That had to be a test. You had to be careful. “It’s very difficult. I hate drama most times.” Athenodora cracked a smile with a hum in amusement. “Your actions don’t say that so strongly but I’d like to hear it from you. Not my husband.” “I truly didn’t mean for this to happen…I felt I had to tell the truth, he’d have known if I lied and I had no intention of pursuing him. I told him before I left and that was it. I didn’t keep in touch or anything.” You explained. Athenodora slowly nodded, rethinking your words and processing the information. “I see.” “I know you might not believe me, but i promise I never had any intention to pursue him. I totally understand if you hate me for this.” You said. “Hate you? I don’t hate you.” She shook her head. “Hate is such an excessive word. Would you mind if I spoke my mind?” “Go on.” You nodded. “Caius tells me everything. I’m his wife, that is our marriage. We don’t keep secrets. He told me you were young but looking at you now, I can really grasp what he meant. For that reason whilst I am angry at the situation, I cannot be angry with you.” She leaned forward slightly. “You’re young now and were younger when this happened. I know what it is to be young and impulsive and things would be very different if you did actively pursue him. Caius and I discussed that and I wanted to meet you to be certain. This I am satisfied with and willing to ignore. I’d appreciate if we start again and move on from this.” “Really?” You felt relief wash over you and Athenodora nodded. “Indeed. Meeting you today showed me you’re a remarkable person. I finally see what Caius and Marcus see.” She cracked a small smile. Athenodora sat back, crossing one leg over the other. “Tell me about yourself and Marcus.” “We spend a lot of time together. He’s very different from anyone I’ve ever met.” “He is, isn’t he?” Athenodora mused. “Unfortunately he was never the same after our beloved Didyme died but with you, there is a glimmer of hope there. I see it.” Her eyes glanced back to you after a moment of thought, noting your silence. “You don’t agree?” “I’m not sure, if I’m honest.” “Speak your mind.” She prompted you. “Are you sure?” Athenodora hummed, her demeanor slowly changing and melting to a more mothering nature. Although it was apparent she remained reserved. “I’m concerned I might break his heart.” You admitted. “I’d say you’re putting it back together. From what I hear, you’re sweet, no matter the last few years. I don’t think you would break his heart. I don’t think you’re willing to try. In fact, you seem too exhausted.” “I am.” You said quickly. “I am so tired of everything.” “You try to control things in your life. You have for a few years. Perhaps it’s time to let go and stop trying to control life.” After a moment of silence she leaned forward and out a cold hand on your knee. “You’re not hurting anyone because of your feelings for Marcus.” It felt inevitable that you’d have to admit your love for Marcus, although you wanted to hold it in as much as you could. You couldn’t be forced to walk away again. 

You were passing in the hallways when you found Marcus walking in the opposite direction. You both stopped in front of one another and your mouth had gone dry, no words coming to mind. 

Suddenly, Marcus lovingly stroked your face as you looked at him. Completely vulnerable, the pain he felt fully visible, the same pain he still very much felt and the hope that maybe, just maybe, you could be his happy ending. “I need you to do something.” He whispered. “If I may be so bold to ask.” You put your hand over his. “What is it?” You whispered. “If we take this path…” Marcus’ voice barely managed out the next words, barely a whisper. “Please don’t leave.” You knew what he meant immediately. He had barely survived Didyme’s death. For him to lose you too…it would destroy him completely. You knew there was a deeper meaning to the promise. He wasn’t talking of leaving the Volturi, or even Italy. He meant leaving him. He couldn’t face losing you just like he did Didyme. You took a breath. “I’ll be around for as long as you want me to be.” After a moment of silence, you spoke again. “Did you mean it? What you said before about our bond?” You asked, barely remembering that Marcus had your hand enclosed in the two of his, idly tracing patterns on it. “Yes.” He responded. “I see every tiny detail of people’s relationships.” “Meaning…?” “Meaning I know that you no longer have feelings for Caius. I know that we are…” Marcus trailed off. “I can’t bring myself to say it either.” You slowly nodded. “I feel like if I say them then I’m making a decision…a decision that could hurt you in the end. I don’t want to hurt you.” “I don’t want you to hurt me either.” You couldn’t help the small chuckle escaping you, even noticing Marcus had cracked a smile at his own joke. You never met his gaze and took a breath. “I love you. There. I said it.” There was a silence before Marcus responded. “I love you too.”