#anyway. this isn’t even everything i could say but. just some of my cents.

[cowlovely]

okay so the thing about mike is. he is a 15 year old boy raised by middle class republicans in the 80s. they have a debatable level of influence/presence in his life, and whatever influence is there is probably like. not great! he hasn’t really had many good role models growing up. and he is also literally 15. so i’m not surprised that he is not the most emotionally intelligent person and friend—even just with those two factors!

but THEN you add on the fact that from age 12, mike has been dealing with the people closest to him being in extreme mortal peril—sometimes to the point of thinking that they’re dead! for extended periods of time!! i don’t know about you, but i think that maybe would traumatize me a little! if i continued being put in really terrifying situations through my adolescence and saw everyone i cared about being put through the same (and often worse!), i maybe would not be the most well adjusted person. i maybe would even lash out or become a bit distant, or have a hard time processing and articulating my emotions well.

i recognize that all of the kids have gone through shit of varying degrees throughout the seasons, and not all of them have reacted the way mike seems to have, but jesus christ can we cut the kid a little slack?? he’s not even that bad. like he could be doing a LOT worse and i would still be saying all this. i don’t even feel like he’s at a point where i should need to go to bat for him like this.

[typicalopposite]

Soooooo this story has been kicking my BUTT mainly this first chapter and the build up to the actual story 👀 but i finally finished so does manyone wanna read chapter one of angsty break up/helicopter crash fic?

PLZ READ TAGS FOR TRIGGER WARNINGS

𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝙸 𝚃𝚛𝚢 𝚃𝚘 𝙵𝚕𝚢 (𝙸 𝙵𝚊𝚕𝚕)

BuckTommy Fic | M | Chapter 1/? | 6713 words

Link to Prologue | ao3

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙾𝚗𝚎: 𝚠𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚞𝚙… 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚂𝚎𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜

In all of Buck’s thirty three years there has never been another time that he recalls feeling so secure and at peace with his life. So at ease with not just himself, but with the happenings around him. Which is saying a lot given everything going on around him.

Gerard makes work miserable with his constant passive aggressiveness, and his snide comments… Buck knew to expect racism and sexism. He also knew to prepare himself for the blatant homophobia. It still wasn’t enough to prepare him for the first time Gerrard called him princess.

They have all filed complaint after complaint. Bobby is working tirelessly with the fire chief (whose head was gone over in bringing Gerrard back to the 118) to get him reinstated and back home. The team is rallying around each other to lessen the blows made at each of them by the person who is supposed to lead them, but only cares to bully and berate them.

But… at the end of his shift, Buck has Tommy to run home to. Not that they are actually living together— they do spend almost every night they have off together, though. He is the light at the end of a long dark tunnel. The calm after Buck’s 12, 24, or 48 hour storm. He is the breath of fresh air after inhaling far too much smoke. He is… just perfect.

Buck can’t believe how happy he is, how in love he is. The true meaning of happiness? Well Buck thinks it might just be tucked away safe in that soft loving smile Tommy is always giving him. Buck sees their whole lives flash before his eyes when he’s gifted that smile. Years and years, and years of living with this happiness? He definitely could get used to that. He is so lucky.

Or so he thought….

Their shift is (finally) almost over. Buck is laid out on the couch, staring at his phone. He isn’t even aware he’s smiling at his text thread with Tommy until Chimney comes up and knocks his feet off so he can sit down. “There’s only one person I know that could have Buckaroo smiling like that,” he says, his own cheesy grin taking over his face. “You heading over there after work?”

“Reverse,” Buck answers, hoping if he’s nonchalant enough the ridiculous blush he still gets talking about Tommy won’t show up. “He’s at my place—he’s uh… getting dinner started.” And there’s the damn blush anyway, running up his neck.

“I thought you said Tommy was a terrible cook,” Hen says, joining them and sitting on the arm of the couch behind Buck’s head. She tries to sneak a peek at the conversation but Buck drops the phone to his chest.

He sits up and looks at her offended. “Okay, one… eye’s to yourself, thank you very much.” She rolls her own eyes and picks up the throw pillow to hit him with. “Two… I would never say that!”

“And yet you’re not saying he’s not,” Chimney says with a smirk.

“He’s— he’s improving.”

The bell goes off. They all groan. “Better tell the wife you’re gonna be late Buckley,” Gerrard calls from the foot of the stairs.

The ride to the fire is quiet.

No one can ever say anything without Gerrard chiming in with his unwanted two cents. So they sit in silence unwilling to give him anything to use as fuel for another of his hate-filled remarks. Except today, Gerrard decides to initiate the conversation. “So Buckley,” he says; his lips curl up into the beginnings of one of his snarky smirks. “Have you ever lost someone on the job?”

His eyes zero in on his target; the bait to what Buck is certain will be some kind of trap dangling in front of him. “Haven’t we all? Kind of par for the course with this line of work,” Buck answers.

“Yeah, well, you have your typical run of the mill losses on the job; then you have the ones that tend to be a little more—” he pauses to lick his lips, like he’s savoring what he’s about to say. “—personal.” He continues to stare at Buck, whose skin feels like it's crawling under the intensity of it. He waits a beat and then: “Kinard ever tell you about his?”

There it is… the other shoe, heavy as it drops.

Buck doesn’t respond. He has heard a couple of Tommy’s work related horror stories; Buck has shared some of his own. Mostly they just leave work at their respective stations and spend the limited amount of time they get together not dwelling on the bad aspects of being a first responder. “Yeah I’ve heard them,” Buck says, hoping it will be dropped at that; or maybe they will get to the fire… He doesn’t think it’s ever taken this long to arrive on scene before.

“So he’s told you about Jay, then?”

Buck feels his face drop. He feels his brows furrow in confusion and his mouth pulls down before he can stop it. Everyone in the engine looks confused.

Gerrard, on the other hand, looks overly amused. “Ohh, guess he still doesn’t like to talk about him,” he says, and the engine screeches to a stop.

The fire is pretty intense, and everyone is drained afterwards. Thankfully, Gerrard doesn’t mention Tommy—or this Jay person—when they load up for the ride back to the station.

“Get out of your head, Buck…” Hen says quietly. He stops fumbling with the things in his locker, and looks back over his shoulder at her. “You’re letting him get to you. You can’t do that.”

“Yeah, kid, he’s a leech, he feeds on your emotions,” Chimney adds from beside him.

“B- but neither of you know who he’s talking about?”

Hen shakes her head, Chimney shrugs. “Tommy was here before either of us, maybe it was from back then.”

“He’s never mentioned this guy to you?” Eddie asks Buck.

“Never.”

“Then it’s probably no one important,” he continues. “Come on, it’s Tommy! Why would he keep something supposedly big from you?”

Buck’s tongue feels heavy. He wants to say: Maybe because I’m the one who’s not important enough to share it with. He knows that will not go over well with them, so he tucks it away with his other negative thoughts. “You’re probably right…” he does say.

“Of course I’m right,” Eddie smirks.

“I don’t know about you guys,” Ravi calls out to them as he walks backwards out of the station. “But I’m ready to get out of here! I love you all, but I need my two days of not seeing you.”

“I’ll see you boys later,” Hen says to Buck and Eddie. She is going to meet up with Karen and Denny so they can spend the day with Mara at the Buckley-Han household. It’s all she has talked about almost the entire shift.

Once Hen and Chimney are gone Eddie walks over and leans on the locker next to Buck’s. “Hen’s right, you know,” he says. “You gotta get out of your head about this, man. Before you start overthinking it.”

Buck sighs. He hangs his uniform up, and closes the locker. “Yeah,” he finally replies. “Yeah, I know—I will. It’s fine… I’m fine.”

~~~

A shift passes, then another. Soon it’s been a couple weeks. If Gerrard has plans to follow up his questioning about Tommy, and the accident, and Jay… and Buck not knowing about any of it, he hasn’t acted on them yet.

Maybe everyone was right. Maybe it was just something to get under Buck's skin; plant the seeds of doubt that had never once been present before and set in motion the derailment of the most stable relationship Buck knows he’s ever had. He decides to remove it from the bin of thoughts that he randomly goes through and obsesses over, and fully let it go…

Or, that was the plan, anyway.

By mid September—following a lengthy investigation into exactly how Gerrard was put back in charge of the 118; that ended with multiple people losing their jobs, Gerrard included—Bobby was finally reinstated as their captain. It should be a joyous day. Gerrard is cleaning out his—well it’s no longer his—office. The whole team is gathered outside, ready to give him a great big good riddance for the final time.

Gerrard walks out, passing by each firefighter as if they weren’t even there, head still held high. He stops just as he is about to step out of the station, turns and locks his sight on Buck. “You ever ask Kinard about that accident?” He asks, narrowing his eyes menacingly. “Or are you too scared you might learn Prince Charming isn’t quite as Charming as he seems.”

Buck tenses his jaw, holding it firmly in place, fully prepared to not indulge in his taunting. He’s about to be gone for good; he only has to deal with him for a little bit longer.

Gerrard raises his brows, his smirk bordering on becoming manic. “Don’t believe me? Just ask your buddies. Han and Wilson have plenty of stories of their days as probies working with the real Tommy… before he went sweet.” Again Buck can feel his face furrowing in confusion before he can stop it.

“Don’t listen to him, Buck,” Hen says, putting herself between him and Gerrard. Chimney joins her, their backs to Gerrard who has made no more effort to just get lost (like Buck, and everyone else, wishes he would). “I told you he is just trying to get—”

“Oh, come now Henrietta,” Gerrard scoffs. “Don’t act like he didn’t put you down, and treat you like the maid, and less than him… just like everyone else—well, save for Han of course.” Gerrard turns his attention to Chimney, who is still not looking at him. “You haven’t told him about how Tommy treated you when you started… and only let up once you saved his life.”

“Alright that’s enough,” Bobby says, making his way to the front of the group, right up to Gerrard. “I don’t know what your motive is here, but I think it’s time for you to leave.”

There’s a short lived, but still intense, staring battle between the two men, with the entire team watching and holding their breath. Gerrard flicks his eyes from Bobby to Buck and his damned smirk returns. He doesn’t say another word, just turns and walks away. Ravi lets out a ‘whoop whoop’ causing an uproar of cheers and laughter from the entire 118.

It was a summer of hell under Gerrard, but now it’s over. Life can finally get back to normal… except— except now a can of worms has been opened. “What was he talking about,” Buck asks once the crowd disperses, and it’s just their little group standing by the engine.

Hen groans. “Buck, you’re letting him get to you.”

“But you’re not denying it—”

“Because it’s not important,” Chimney interrupts. “By the time I started Tommy had already been under Gerrard for a while; that man had his hooks so deep in him—in all of them. Besides, he has more than apologized for how he acted back then.”

“You do know he’s part of the reason Gerrard had to leave the 118 in the first place,” Hen adds. “He reported his behavior towards me. That’s the story you should care about, Buck. Or how he helped us with that neighborhood fire; saved Eddie and that kid's lives. Or how he risked his job to help us find Cap and ‘Thena… Not the things he has done that he has long been forgiven for.”

Buck knows it’s a losing argument; he doesn’t think he really wants to argue with them about it anyway. They’re right. Why let all this stuff an old bigot tried to resurface from Tommy’s past dictate their happy present. It shouldn’t matter; it doesn’t matter… if Chimney and Hen forgive him, that’s all that matters.

Except…

Except he knows himself well enough to know he isn’t going to be at ease until he at least figures out what the deal with this accident is all about, and who exactly Jay is.

~~~

“Babe, can I ask you kind of a personal question?”

Tommy leans out around the opened hood of his truck to look at him. “Of course,” he says, furrowing his brows slightly. Buck knows he has probably turned a shade of green from how sick to his stomach he feels about actually approaching this. Especially after being told repeatedly that he shouldn’t. Tommy sets his wrench down and grabs a rag to clean off his hands, walking out of the garage to Buck. “Is everything okay?”

“Uh—yeah, well, that’s just it… I don’t—” Buck pauses, takes a deep breath and just spits it out: “Tommy, who’s Jay?”

Tommy blinks. His face shifts from concerned to confused to something somewhere between anger and annoyance. “Where did you— How did you…” he sighs. “Let me guess. Gerrard?”

“Mhmm,” Buck hums with a small nod.

“That’s just—” Tommy starts, huffing out a sarcastic laugh as he roughly wipes the oil and grease from his hands. “That’s just great,” he finishes, angrily tossing the cloth at the floor. Buck waits patiently; he thinks he owes Tommy that much seeing as whatever—whoever—this is, it’s clearly something Tommy isn’t happy about Gerrard sharing. “I–” Tommy looks at Buck, his eyes suddenly turning red and he quickly wipes at them. “I’m sorry, Evan. I can’t…”

“You can’t?”

Tommy shakes his head hard. “I can’t talk about this–about him, not now… not yet. I–” He inhales sharp and it comes back out a broken sob. Buck is so taken aback, because Tommy rarely ever cries; Buck doesn’t think he’s ever seen him shed more than a few tears, and those were over happy moments.

One time was during some sappy—but with the saddest ending—romcom. Once when he found a dead cat in his backyard. And maybe the most emotional was when Buck slipped up during a particularly passionate kiss and told him that he loved him. Tommy’s face went so red, and Buck began to panic and then profusely apologize until Tommy took his face in his hands and said it back a single tear falling from his eye. Buck wiped it away and leaned back in to continue kissing him.

“Hey,” Buck says, feet quickly moving him across the cement toward Tommy. He slips his arms under Tommy’s, wrapping them around his back and pulling him into a hug. “It’s okay… you don’t have to.”

“I’m—I’m sorry… It’s just… it’s too—”

Buck can feel the tears soaking through his shirt where Tommy has pressed his face to Buck’s shoulder. He feels like such a jerk. “No,” he says, rubbing his hands up and down Tommy’s back. “No, I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have asked. I was letting Gerrard get in my head—I was being stupid…”

“You’re not being stupid, Evan,” Tommy says, muffled against the fabric of Buck’s shirt. “You were curious. I understand… It’s just–” Tommy pulls away, taking a step back. He wraps his own arms around himself, and it shocks Buck how small he seems right now. He slowly lifts his eyes to Buck’s, he looks broken (Buck hates himself for it) but mostly he looks worried. “This is—it’s really personal…” he says. “And I’m just not ready to share it yet.”

“That’s okay,” Buck quickly responds. “I understand, and I won’t bring it up again. You can tell me when you’re ready.”

A wave of relief visibly washes over Tommy’s face. The worried frown turns back into that familiar soft smile, and Buck tells himself he is one hundred percent fine with how this whole conversation turned out.

He is fine not knowing.

He is fine.

~~~

Time passes and it feels like the universe is playing the ultimate prank on one Evan Buckley.

On the outside everything has returned to normal. Everyone’s lives seem to have fallen back in line. Bobby is once again leading them, Hen and Karen get Mara back, Eddie convinces Christopher to come home (and they are both regularly going to therapy about the whole Kim/Shannon of it all), Chimney’s latest appointment shows no lingering effects of the encephalitis… but Buck— Buck is… struggling. He is struggling, and he feels so guilty about it, but he can’t get past it.

If it’s not seeing the name Jay in—damn near constant—passing, it’s hearing random stories about the people Tommy has saved (and knowing somewhere out there is a story of someone significant he didn’t). It’s the little signs, and the messages, and the ads he keeps seeing; an online quiz on ‘how well do you know your partner’, a billboard about getting out of an untrustworthy relationship, a commercial about not keeping secrets.

They mean nothing, he knows that. He’s self-sabotaging, he knows that.

It doesn’t stop him from collecting each one like trading cards and adding them to his bin of thoughts until it’s full and he has to do something or it’s going to overflow and drown him.

“You planning on spending your day off here, Buckaroo?”

“Hmm…” Buck blinks, breaking from his thoughts and looking up from his phone—more specifically from the text that just came in. Chimney is standing in front of him, arms crossed, brows pulled together. “Oh, hey Chim—I was just watching—” but the TV is now off. “Huh? I was watching TV.”

Chimney hums, tucking his hands further under his arms. “Is everything okay,” he asks. “You and Tommy… you good?”

“What? Yeah. We’re— Why— why would you think we weren’t? Has he—”

“Whoa now; calm down,” Chimney laughs, putting his hands up in defense. “Tommy hasn’t said anything. You just seem… distracted. Ever since—” He pauses. “I just want to make sure you’re not still dwelling on the crap Gerrard said.”

“Oh, I—” His phone feels extremely heavy in his hand now. He gets the reminder of the unread text. He should probably say something before Chimney gets suspicious. “I’m fine,” he lies, and it makes his stomach sour instantly.

Chimney doesn’t move—doesn’t look away. “You sure about that?” Buck nods, thinking he might be sick if he tries to say another word. “Okay,” Chimney sighs. “You know, Buck… we all have done things we aren’t proud of. I know I have…” Buck is reminded of an angry fist, and a swollen black eye Chimney apologized for everytime they were alone for almost a year.

He is reminded of a lawsuit he still regrets, and a tipsy kiss that unintentionally spiraled him into his second serious relationship. He is reminded of sudden nerves burying him deep into a closet he hadn’t even realized he had been in all along. He is reminded of reaching out for help spying on his boyfriend because he can’t get out of his own head about something that could very much be nothing.

His phone vibrates; another reminder he has an unread text.

He waits until Chimney disappears down the stairs to look back at his phone.

I’ll be home at 8… see you then

~~~

Buck parks his jeep outside the apartment complex, takes the stairs up to the third floor, and stands awkwardly outside apartment 3C contemplating turning around and running back down before he is spotted. He doesn’t, and instead lifts his hand to knock.

A couple days ago his thought’s overfilled the bin … a couple days ago he could no longer ignore his curiosity … a couple days ago Buck came to one of the only people who doesn’t know Tommy enough to be emotionally invested in this … investigation … Buck decided he needed to go on.

A moment later the door is pulled open, and May is in front of him. “Hey,” she says, her smile mirroring Athena’s. “Come in!”

“Uh— Hey,” Buck says back, subconsciously wiping the sweat forming on his hands, off. “So did— did you find anything?” Her smile fades, she shifts on her feet. “You did… Is it — is it that bad…” he asks, wondering if he will even be able to hear her response over the sudden pounding of his heart.

“It’s not necessarily good,” she replies. He wishes he actually hadn’t been able to hear her. He feels himself start to deflate.

May walks to her room, comes back with her laptop, stalls just as she’s about to hand it to him. “Wait,” she says, pulling the laptop back to her chest and holding it there. “Are you sure you want to do this? I mean… why make trouble in paradise when there isn’t any?”

“Is it really paradise if he’s hiding stuff from me?”

May sighs, and opens her laptop. “I guess not,” she says once her password is entered and everything she found is pulled up.

The first thing she shows him is the article released the day of the accident.

Tragedy on the Vincent Thomas Bridge

Unidentified man jumps from bridge into LA Harbor late Tuesday afternoon.

LAFD station 118 responded to calls that a man had climbed over the bridge railing. Witnesses say Thomas Kinard (Pictured above) a firefighter with the 118 was on scene trying to talk the man off the edge before he let go, falling 186 feet into the Harbor below.

Buck looks at the picture of a much younger Tommy, dazed and disheveled, one hand running through his hair. He thinks, I know that look… I’ve had that look. He thinks of Devon falling to the ground from the roller coaster. Suddenly he is regretting everything about this. He clicks to the next article anyway.

LGBTQ+ Community Speak Out On Bridge Suicide

Following the death of Jay Pridgen, a member of the LGBT community, rumors began of prejudices within LAFD Station 118, who were present at the scene of the accident. The rumors are calling the stations Captain, Vincent Gerrard, out for repeatedly exhibiting biased behaviors when dealing with minority groups. When asked, Gerrard had no comment. Also under fire is the first responder who was on the bridge with Pridgen. Kinard is being accused of stalling rather than actually trying to get Pridgen off the edge.

Fire Chief Releases A Statement on Alleged Homophobia Within Station 118

Bridge Tragedy Officially Ruled An Accident

While it’s unclear what Pridgen’s original intentions were when he climbed over the railing of the Vincent Thomas Bridge, Firefighter Thomas Kinard went on record Friday insisting Pridgen did not jump but instead fell to his death. Kinard states he was trying to get to him but was unable to before he slipped from the edge. While there are some who still are hoping for an investigation into LAFD, specifically station 118, Captain Vincent Gerrard says he hopes this new cause of death will allow everyone to move on from this clear and complete accident so his team can get back to their jobs without having to deal with the torches and pitchforks coming for them daily.

“Wow…” Buck says softly. “That’s— That’s a lot.”

“That’s… not all,” May admits, clicking on yet another link. “So even though the accident itself is really terrible, it felt weird that he would hide it from you. I mean Tommy’s part of the community, it’s not like he really let this guy fall because he’s gay… right? So I kept digging and I found… this.” Buck holds his breath, May pulls up a picture. It’s an army Platoon, and upon closer inspection it’s Tommy’s platoon.

“I don’t understand,” Buck says.

“Once I had Jay’s full name I searched it together with Tommy’s… just to see if there were any more articles on the accident, but I found this picture instead.” She scrolls up to reveal the names of the soldier’s; the man in the middle next to Tommy, arm draped over his shoulder holding Tommy tight to his side… is Jay Pridgen.

“Oh my god… they— they knew each other?” And well that definitely adds a whole new layer to how traumatic Jay's death must have been. Buck sighs and closes May’s laptop. He thanks her for going through all the articles and everything for him, even if it feels wrong to thank someone for invading Tommy’s privacy.

He rides home in silence, gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white. He feels crappy, and insensitive… he collapses onto his bed the second he reaches it. Maybe he can sleep on it and his head will be clearer in the morning. Honestly he thinks he would like to just forget about this whole thing; that sounds like a very good idea.

His phone dings.

A notification that Tommy tagged him in a photo. He opens it and is met with himself and Tommy, standing in front of a gorgeous sunset on the beach; bodies pressed against each other, noses touching and their lips just a breath away from a kiss. Yeah, he’s all mine <3 Buck feels the smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he double taps the image watching the red heart bloom out from his thumb.

He is so happy. Why is he trying to ruin that for himself? He clicks on Tommy’s account, looking through all the pictures Tommy has posted of him, and of them together. A visual confirmation of the true meaning of happiness that Buck has finally found. Buck has liked them all already, so he just scrolls through them.

Next thing he knows he has gone back to before they met. Tommy didn't use social media that much, at least not in the recent years before they got together. He only has a handful of images from each year and some years there’s gaps where he didn’t post anything.

Buck doesn’t think he’s ever gone so deep into Tommy’s account before. He decides to go all the way back to the beginning and scroll up. He can’t help but laugh at how tiny Tommy looks in the very first pictures he posted; horrible quality shots of him showing off his baby muscles (compared to the ones he has now anyway), giving his best smolder for the camera. As he starts scrolling through them it’s so reminiscent of his own earlier days on the app, just thirst trap after thirst trap and Buck is kind of loving the experience.

He goes through them, liking each one, before he notices something that has him sitting up in his bed.

It’s a picture taken up in the snow; a picture taken in NorCal. Tommy's mom lives in NorCal so that’s not surprising… what is surprising is the top name on the list of likes. It’s Jay. Buck blinks at the name thinking the letters might shift and he’ll realize he’s just reading the username wrong; it’s JPridge82, he’s definitely not reading it wrong. He scrolls up to the next picture. Tommy with his mom; liked by JPridge82. Tommy in his 118 turnouts; liked by JPridge82. Tommy in bed clearly wrapped around another body, his eyes are half-lidded and tired, the caption reads wake me up before you go go; liked by JPridge82, and a comment… but you're so cute when you sleep, baby! Tommy replies: oh shut up! XD

It easily could be read as banter; he and Eddie play flirt like that all the time. Next picture: a restaurant table Buck recognizes oh too intimately. Think I found my new favorite Italian restaurant; liked by JPridge82 and replies: sameee

A picture of two shadows holding hands. Take my hand, take my whole life too. It’s askew enough you only see part of the bodies and then their hands (enough you can’t see their heights are the same, Buck thinks. That would have raised questions for sure.) Liked by JPridge82; aww baby look at us xoxo. Tommy replies: my god you are ridiculous

The inside of Tommy’s old truck, two coffee cups in the holders. Let’s get out of this town <3. Liked by JPridge82.

The next picture is a new thirst trap, of sorts. Tommy standing in the mirror shirtless. He isn’t flexing, or posing. Just standing there. No caption. No like by JPridge82, but there is a comment from Sal. Not the mopey instagram posts! She wasn’t for you, man! Let it go, you’ll find new ass in no time. Tommy didn’t respond.

The pictures slowly turn from selfies, to work related, to memes. Some of which are extremely questionable; putting down women, or minorities. Some are downright hateful. They are so unlike the Tommy he knows now. They are definitely giving Buck a look at this person Gerrard was referring to when he made the comment about Buck not knowing the “real” Tommy. He thinks of what Chimney and Hen said; that he has profusely apologized for how he was back when they started. Why hasn’t he taken them down then.

He sets his jaw, trying to not let the annoyance building set him off, and goes back to the last picture Jay liked. He clicks on the username. “Dammit,” he mumbles out loud. His account is private.

He gets an idea.

It’s one that on a typical day he would be annoyed with himself for having… but it’s almost three in the morning he is running off pure adrenaline now and he isn’t thinking like he typically would… he logs out of his own Instagram and logs into Tommy’s.

It’s not that he was being sneaky and eavesdropped on Tommy entering his password, Tommy literally typed it out right in front of him. He had taken a picture of them and needed to log in to post it. He is always saying he has nothing to hide from Buck… Seems like he had one thing to hide.

Buck’s heart is pounding into his ears as he opens Tommy’s followers list. Maybe they weren’t even following each other anymore, Buck thinks, his thumb lingering over the search bar. Maybe he should just back out of this while he’s still somewhat in the dark, before he brings to light something he doesn’t want to know.

JPridge82.

Buck feels his heart completely stop beating. He shouldn’t do this. Hell, he shouldn’t be on Tommy’s instagram in the first place. He clicks on the name anyway. Immediately his suspensions are answered. Private accounts come with freedom; freedom to share whatever you want because you control who can see it. And Jay didn’t have that many followers, so they likely all knew the truth.

Jay’s photo bin looks eerily similar to how Tommy’s account looks now, except its picture after picture of Tommy and Jay together.

One in bed, Tommy’s head resting on Jay’s chest. One from what must have been a hike, far from any peeping eyes; a kiss in front of a waterfall. Their hands clasped together over the center console of one of their cars. A movie date; Buck and Tommy have still never made up their missed movie date, never had the time. He doesn’t mean for the jealousy that starts to bloom deep in his chest, but it’s there and he is too drained to even attempt to push it away.

He wonders why Tommy wouldn’t tell him about such a pivotal time of his life.

My Forever <3 Jay captions a picture of Tommy staring out at the ocean, his hair wet and tousled like he just came out of the water.

Buck looks through the pictures, each one feeling like a stab to the chest—this was not meant for him to see. This was something beautiful Tommy had… and lost… and he wanted to keep it to himself. But Buck can never leave well enough alone, and he took that decision from Tommy.

He is about to close his phone when he sees Jay’s last post isn’t a picture but text.

I wish I had been enough of a reason for you to stop lying about who you are. Posted — August 8, 2010. A week before the accident.

Buck closes his phone, but he doesn’t—he can’t—go to sleep.

~~~

There’s a knock on his door.

Buck wishes he could just hide under his covers and pretend he doesn’t hear it; he knows exactly who it is.

He spent his first day off avoiding Tommy. He had hoped Tommy hadn’t caught on; he was working a 24 and from the already scarcity of his calls and texts, it seemed the shift was a busy one. Usually as soon as Tommy is suspicious of Buck’s behavior he will go hide somewhere so he can call—and will repeatedly call—to figure out what’s wrong. He hasn’t pressed once as Buck went through literally every excuse in the book as to why he wasn’t able to talk, and he has seemed just as unfazed by the lack of enthusiasm in all of Buck’s texts.

He should have known it wouldn’t be that simple.

Another knock. He could continue to ignore it, but Tommy has a key.

Buck groans and pushes off his bed, taking the steps one at a time for once; no reason other than to prolong reaching the door. “Hey baby,” Tommy says, cheery and bright, the second Buck opens it. “Were you sleeping?”

I wish, Buck thinks. “I… was,” Buck lies. “What’s all this…”

In Tommy’s hands there’s a huge, beautiful bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine, and a card. He hands Buck the card first. “Uh— let’s call it an… it seems like I’ve done something and haven’t realized what it is yet… surprise.” Buck can’t help the laugh that escapes him. What does he say to that… yeah you have, I just haven’t rationalized whether I truly deserve to be mad at you about it or not. “So… go on, read it.”

Buck sighs, finally looking down at the card in his hands. My forever is written in Tommy’s small ridiculously neat handwriting with a heart at the end. He stares at the card, his mind going right back to a private account and a picture captioned My Forever <3.

“I— I know… cheesy right?”

Buck breaks his eyes away from the words, bringing them up to Tommy’s. “Why— why would you put that…”

“Uhm—” Tommy looks at him confused, if not a little hurt. “I mean… I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to be so on the nose… but that is what I see with you… if you don’t—”

“Is that what you saw with Jay too?” Buck asks before he can stop himself.

Tommy’s eyes widen, he steps back. “What…”

Buck has been here before. Putting himself in an awkward situation and so yet his mouth still starts moving against his better judgment. “I mean… that’s what he saw with you… but maybe it was only one-sided.” Tommy doesn’t speak, continuing to stare at Buck like he has grown a second head. Might as well rip the bandaid off, he thinks; shrugs. “You didn’t want to talk about him… so I just found out myself. It’s not like it’s hard to pull up an old news article.”

“You— but how did you get on his—” Tommy blinks, a new look crossing his face; he knows what Buck did. It should make Buck feel bad; it does make him feel bad… but it also makes him feel defensive. He deserved to know—if only he truly believed that.

“I’ve told you everything, Tommy!” He snaps. “I’ve told you all about my past, all my relationships, Daniel. Every sad, and hard, and embarrassing, and traumatic experience… I told you. But you... You’re this big mystery. You don’t talk about anything. The only thing you’ve told me about your past is that it makes you jealous of mine…” The tension in Tommy’s face has gone slack, and he’s just taking the lecture with calmness; meanwhile Buck’s heart is about to pound out of his chest and his skin has gone hot and numb. “But did you ever think that maybe the reason we’re like a family is because we treat each other like equals. Instead of like some of them are beneath us...”

That gets him a reaction; finally, he thinks. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t act like you and Chimney and Hen always got along… like you didn’t follow Gerrard’s lead when they first started…” Tommy looks at him like a kicked puppy; Buck internally screams at himself that it’s enough. It’s not enough, he adds: “Not to mention all the crap you used to share. That you probably got a good laugh about with all your buddies at the expense of others.”

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Tommy cries.

Buck sees red, throwing the unopened card down on the table and storming up to his phone. He doesn’t even log out of Tommy’s account, just finds the memes and shoves them in his face. “This is what you think is funny?”

“Evan, these are— do you even realize how long ago this was?!”

“What difference does that make!?” Buck screams back.

Tommy sighs, and hands Buck back his phone. “No… you’re— you’re right. It doesn’t make a difference… it doesn’t make it okay.”

Buck thinks he’s said enough. He has revealed what he knows. “So is that what happened with you and Jay…” he says instead… the words sliding their way out of his mouth and he can’t stop them. “He couldn’t live a lie any more… couldn’t live your lie anymore.” It’s rolling off his tongue so easily, it actually disgusts him. But the words pass his lips and he watches the exact moment they slap Tommy across the face and the man gasps like he’d actually just been assaulted. His eyes instantly fill with tears and he has to break his eyes from Buck in an attempt to blink them away.

“You— you have no idea what you're talking about, Evan. You had no right to…”

“To what? Question if I really know the man I was considering spending the rest of my life with? I’ve been through this, Tommy, too many times. You think you know someone… and it turns out you don’t.”

“How can you even say that?!” Tommy all but screams, rubbing the back of his hand—still holding on to the bottle of wine—over his eyes and nose. “Okay yeah, I didn’t tell you about a really hard time in my life… and maybe given everything surrounding it I should have. Maybe I should have even told you about how it was when Howie and Hen first started. And yes, I should have gone through and deleted all those posts a long time ago… But to say you don’t really know me? Those things don’t define me!”

“They sure say a lot though…”

Tommy goes silent. He takes a few calming breaths, fresh tears in his eyes and trails running down both cheeks. “So— so what is this— what are we— what does this mean, then… for us?”

Buck shrugs. “That maybe I'm not your forever,” he says, tightening his jaw so it won’t betray the stone cold persona he is trying to uphold by trembling.

Tommy freezes, the bottle of wine and roses he’s still holding suddenly seem so out of place. “You don’t mean—” he starts; he searches Buck’s eyes like he’s trying to find a different answer. He doesn’t seem to find one. “Really?” Buck doesn’t nod, but he doesn’t take it back either. He just swallows around the lump forming in his throat and manages to hold his composure. “Okay… if that’s—” he shifts on his feet, breaking away from Buck’s eyes; Buck is grateful for it. “O- Okay.”

He sits the roses and wine on the table by the card and turns for the door. “You— you don’t need to leave those…” Buck manages to say; it sounds so petty, it disgusts him.

Tommy opens the door and turns back to the roses. “Think of it as… a goodbye gift,” he says, quietly, giving a halfhearted laugh. He turns his head farther, so he is again looking at Buck, giving him one more chance to take it back. He doesn’t. “Good-bye, Buck,” Tommy says and pulls the door closed behind him.

[lestappenforever]

this is directed to you social-psychological anon (my goat <3)!!

you’re so right. max literally cares soooo much about what charles thinks of him. when anyone has anything bad to say about max, he doesn’t really care, has a short and cold response to it, or just laughs it off (if it’s someone he knows doesn’t mean it, like lando joking “max ruins everything”). point is he doesn’t really care that much. however, a few years ago an interviewer asked charles what was annoying about max and they made max respond to it, which is so weird but we roll anyways lol. charles goes “annoying? i don’t know. i guess he can say weird things to the media. but that’s okay, he has personality. personality is important.” (this isn’t an exact quote but it’s along the lines of what he said!). he barely even says anything bad, and he immediately compliments max right after. however, max got so upset about it. he immediately goes “I DON’T CARE WHAT HE THINKS!! >:(“ he took it much deeper than he usually does about not great comments toward him. whole country booing him? he doesn’t give a fuck. charles says a barely insulting (not even) comment? he takes that shot so personally 😭 it just shows how important charles’ opinion is to him. fascinating….

Social-psychological anon, another admirerer who shares their own wonderful insight to this analysis. ❤️

And I'd like to throw in my own two cents here, because there is absolutely something truly marvellous about how Max could not give less of a fuck about what other people think of him, no matter who it is. But with Charles? There is some deeprooted urge within him, a desperate desire for Charles' approval, that just gives him a whole other response to anything that may even be slightly interpreted as negative if it comes from Charles.

Your example with that video of Charles being asked if Max is annoying, and Max's clearly bothered response is excellent. Had that been anyone else — a reporter, another driver, literally anyone who is not Charles Marc Harvé Perceval Leclerc — he wouldn't even have batted an eye. Hell, he probably would have grinned as if whoever it was had just given him a massive compliment. But because it was Charles, and because Max for some reason decided that Charles was sort of insulting him (even when he absolutely was not — quite the contrary, the way I personally view it), just gives away just how much Charles' opinion of him means to him. And that is a huge deal, given how Max Emilian Verstappen is very well-known for not giving a flying fuck about what other people think of him.

I think a lot of this boils down to the fact that it's Charles. The guy Max has fought against for most of his racing life, the boy who grew up alongside him in karting, the guy his own father believed was predestined to fight him on track forever, even in F1. (Which is high fucking praise from Jos Verstappen.) Max and Charles have been tied together for as long as Max can remember, and for as long as they're both competing in the same league, Max will think of Charles as the rival to beat. He will think of Charles as the one driver on the grid with the biggest chance of giving him a proper fight, even when he so clearly can't.

Take this season, for example. We haven't gotten to see many battles between Max and Charles for obvious reasons (Ferrari being absolutely abysmal for most of the season), but the few times we have gotten to see it? Max will go fucking wheel-to-wheel with Charles as if they're both in the running of winning the WDC and the winner will be decided based on who comes out victorious out of that particular turn. It doesn't matter that Max knows that he's going to get past Charles. It doesn't matter that Max knows that Charles won't actually be able to fight him for a race win unless Max is starting from far back on the grid and Charles isn't. It doesn't matter that Max knows the car Charles is driving and the strategies his own team are throwing at him aren't up to par. None of that matters, because fighting Charles Leclerc and seeing him as his biggest rival is so deeply ingrained into Max's entire racing identity that he will treat every battle he gets against Charles as if it's a battle that will decide the title even if it fucking kills him.

And that right there? That deep-rooted respect and admiration for Charles? The same kind of deep-rooted respect and admiration Charles has for him? That connection that has taken them from "hating" each other in karting, to civil colleagues in F1, to an actual, genuine friendship that they so clearly both treasure incredibly dearly, as proven by the blatant shift in the vibe between them recently? That's the reason as to why Max, despite clearly not giving a flying fuck about what anyone else thinks of him, will always care about what Charles thinks of him. That's why Max goes to such extreme lengths to behave differently around Charles than he does with any of the other drivers, and why he treats Charles so differently from everyone else. Because not only does Max know and respect Charles' boundaries and his preferred way of being treated, but he wants to do it right. He wants to exist within the same space as Charles and do it well. He wants Charles to enjoy and look forward to their interactions as much as Max himself does. And to this day he craves that approval from Charles as much as he probably did when they were kids, but back then he was too hot-headed and stubborn to realize that the "hate" he felt towards Charles was actually nothing more than the excitement and slight fear of seeing such a massive part of yourself reflected in someone else — someone you were supposed to hate.

I've seen it mentioned so many times in different posts on Tumblr, but it's absolutely true what they say: Max is so much softer around Charles than he is around anyone else, and treats Charles with a sense of care I am yet to see with any of the other drivers. Which, to me, is such a testament to just how much he values Charles' opinion of him.

[sparkedblaze]

DAVEY

Look y’all gotta start telling me if y’all want canon or modern 💀

Okay so idk if Davey was based of Dave Simmons but let me tell you about him anyway 🥰🥰

I think Jack’s characterization is far closer to Dave Simmons than Davey’s. The only thing they share is a name.

But I digress

So! This is Dave Simmons!

President of the Union in the first half of the strike

Accused of betraying the strike, though I personally think he may have been a victim of a whisper campaign out out by the papers

The rumor was that he and Kid Blink took a bribe to sell papes before the end of the strike.

Though they both denied the accusation, they both stepped down from their position. Dave (I believe) became treasurer instead.

There’s no actual evidence that he actually scabbed. But they decided to step down rather than hinder the strike with disloyalty.

Newsies Davey

Mom friend. This isn’t even a hc it’s just canon at this point.

This boy is burnt out before he’s even an adult 💀My poor boy is so tired all the time please give him iced coffee and therapy

Book smart. Common sense dumb. Uses big words like auspicious but knows nothing of selling or anything about Snyder (despite living in NYC and being poor enough to need to join the newsies)

Here comes my rant about autistic Davey Jacobs:

Has no filter and even less chill. Davey is very all or nothing and I love him for that.

Doesn’t get social cues. See: Jack v upset about Crutchie being arrested. Davey: “abOvE thE fOld”

Special interest: learning. Especially about art. And hawking. And pretty strike leaders

He and Les have gotten stuck in echolalia circles. They’ll echo each other for hours on end.

Has trouble lying, and approaching people in general.

End of this autistic Davey Jacobs rant bc I could literally talk forever

He values honesty so much it hurts. When Jack scabs in 92sies. One of first things David says is “You’re a liar! You lied about everything!” And the devastation on his face in Livesies. Literal chills 😭😭

Where Jack ignores orders just to prove a point, Davey doesn’t mind following orders as long as they’re reasonable. As long as they make sense. When the strike starts, Davey doesn’t quite understand. He doesn’t get the difference in ten cents for a hundred papes. It doesn’t make any difference to him. When it’s explained to him, he’s wholeheartedly for the strike. When Jack scabs, Davey once again doesn’t understand because they’ve worked so hard. And this is the one thing Jack listens to?

Anti-violence. Even in the face of starvation and freezing in the coming winter (they don’t know how long this strike will last. He has to be prepared) Davey is adamant. Do not soak the scabs.

Is always 100% done with Jack’s shit.

Is Jewish!! I’m like 98% sure this is canon, but I am certain it’s at least fanon the Jacobs are Jewish

Say something about his baby brother and he. Will. End. You.

RYAN KOPEL IS SO RIGHT THAT DAVEY GETS A LITTLE MORE FERAL EVERY DAY.

Modern:

Davey✔️

He and Jack have been friends for as long as he could remember. His family always went around to the orphanages in New York, bringing old clothes that had been collected by the people of their Synagogue.

David and Sarah had always sought out Jack when they’d get to the Refuge. Snyder always put on a front of being a kind, caring guardian when there were visitors, but Jack told Davey and Sarah about some of the horrors that they were put through.

Their parents never believed them, because Jack (having a distrust of adults for some odd reason) always told them that he was fine and he wasn’t in any danger, and so they thought their children were making it up to try and bring their friend home. When Les was born, the Jacobs took time off to get adjusted to having a new child in the house.

In college for business or marketing to make sure he knows how to do what’s best to keep them successful.

Dave in the Life: Multiple videos a week just vlogging the domestic side of his and Jack’s relationship

Been There Done That: Joint channel with Jack. Traveling, doing wild shit, usually featuring many of their friends

This concludes everything coming out of my brain about Davey Jacobs right now

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

[judeiscariot]

hey! feel free to delete the shit out of this ask, i just wanted to tell SOMEONE and maybe get some advice, i respect your opinions sooo idk gimme ur 2 cents if u feel like it. if not just wipe it out cause i’m mostly just trying to sort out my thoughts anyway.

sooooo basically, i’m in a good and healthy relationship that’s been going for over a year. he’s really in love with me and as far as i can tell i’m in love with him too. my issue is that i have a really hard time with long term commitment, and he’s an extremely committed person. i don’t have my life figured out yet. i don’t know most of my identity past the fact that i’m gay.

with that out of the way. i think i’m in love with my best friend.

lots of extraneous circumstances led to us spending a lot more time around each other, and now all i want to do is be around him. i don’t want to do ANYTHING else, straight up. i’d rather spend time with him than sleep. but i’m also extremely ADHD and off meds, and i have a history of getting weirdly obsessed with people bc of that, so i’m not convinced that this isnt just a temporary thing. i also am pretty convinced i might be polyamorous, but i’ve never had the chance to try that out, so i genuinely don’t know.

i can’t end a year and a half long relationship because i might be having feelings. but i’m also terrified of the ramifications of any of my other options right now. i feel like i’m walking a tightrope and i don’t know what to do. i’m not cheating on my boyfriend. that’s about as far as i got figured right now.

i also don’t know if this is genuine attraction to my friend or not. i can’t tell. my emotions feel like such a muddy swamp and im just stuck in the damn current. im not having the greatest time with it. can’t focus on anything at all in my life.

i don’t know what the point of sending this is, and i definitely don’t mean to overstep boundaries or anything. i just can’t tell anyone in my life or even send this off anon because my friend group is so tight knit. it would make everything awful and awkward if any of them found out any of this. i just don’t know what to do.

love you, you’re one of my favorite blogs on this app. sorry for writing you an essay that isn’t even about mcr or the bible. maybe i’ll do that next time.

hi!! it’s sweet of u to ask my opinion although i’m definitely no expert on this stuff but i can for sure give u my thoughts.

before i start i’ll just go ahead and say that obviously i don’t know you or your life so definitely take any advice i give with a grain of salt, i can just tell you how i’d probably go about handling the situation if it was me.

obviously having commitment issues makes long term relationships really difficult, especially if the other person is especially comfortable with commitment. as someone who also struggles with commitment i think those issues can sometimes make us subconsciously look for ways out of committed relationships, whether romantic or otherwise, even if thats not what we actually want. like you could be happy in a healthy and loving relationship and your brain will still try to tell you to push the other person away / seek ways out of the relationship. this may not be your situation but i know that’s something i’ve experienced before and something i see pretty commonly in people with commitment issues. however not having your life together can also make committing in relationships really difficult - for some people being in a loving relationship helps them with figuring out their identity, and for others it inhibits them from exploring in the ways they need to to really get to know themselves. again, this is a purely case by case basis type of thing and since i don’t know you personally i can’t tell you where you fall on that scale. if you feel that being in this relationship is inhibiting your personal growth or that you can’t really get to know yourself while in a relationship with this person then that might be a sign. it could also very well be a right person wrong time kinda thing - you could absolutely still be in love with your boyfriend and just simply not in a place in your life that would allow you to thrive in a relationship with him.

as for the whole being in love with your best friend thing, that is something i do have an inordinate amount of experience with lmfao. i also definitely feel you on the whole getting super obsessed with / attached to certain people thing although for me it’s more a symptom of BPD not ADHD. having feelings or thinking you might have feelings for a close friend is a notoriously difficult situation to solve and for me in the past the best option has honestly and truly been to just wait it out. pay attention to the way you feel around your friend and if you see those feelings shifting or changing at all. it could be a temporary thing, like you said, and upsetting the balance you already have with this person for temporary feelings would obviously be a less than ideal situation. and with thinking you might be poly, i think that kinda circles back to the whole deal of figuring out your identity while in a long term relationship. like i said i don’t know you or your boyfriend, but if you think it would be worth it to see if he would be cool with trying out an open relationship then having a conversation with him about that could be be constructive.

i really think communication is key in pretty much every human relationship ever. it might be worth talking to your boyfriend about how you feel, not necessarily the possibility of having feelings for your friend, but more so your hesitance towards commitment and unsureness about your identity. at the end of the day, it’s up to you to decide if this is a relationship that you’re able to grow in, and if it’s not then it might not be one worth staying in. HOWEVER like i said i don’t know you or your boyfriend personally and ultimately i'm just Some Guy From Tumblr so i’m not gonna just like outright tell you you should break up with him or anything. but if i were you i'd strongly consider having a sit down conversation with him.

and like i’ve said, take all my advice with a grain of salt, i’m more than happy to give it but i’m definitely no type of expert! you’re also welcome to dm me any time if you want someone to talk to and i wish you nothing but the best trying to figure everything out <3 and for future reference essays about mcr and / or the bible are ALWAYS welcome in my inbox lol

[puppetoffthehook]

Really unpopular opinion but i don't think Nancy cheated on Steve.

Honestly I think it might depend on how you look at the events of season 2. (Also not certain why I was sent this but I’ll give my two cents.)

Nancy’s having a crisis over everything because she keeps forcing herself to attend those dinners with Barb’s parents where they think Barb is alive and she knows that she’s dead. Literally causing herself and Steve emotional distress because the whole thing was just really fucking awkward and if that’s how it was that time I can only imagine how it’s been since the first invite.

Steve is right that they can’t talk about anything that happened especially in the very public library that she starts ranting to him in (even if they went to a private room, spying governments won’t care about your discretion on shit they’re trying to cover up.) and he makes it clear that he knows she’s frustrated but he’s unwilling to die for this. I can’t say I blame him for that one because her plans after that were honestly? Fucking stupid. Getting captured by the people responsible for the death of your best friend in hopes they spill the military secret beans was one of the most idiotic things in the world and I’m 10000% sure the only reason they lived is because she brought Jonathan instead of Steve. Cuz if Jonathan went missing Joyce would’ve been on the fucking warpath.

And the only reason I think you might be a little bit right is because of Nancy’s little drunken outburst and Steve’s response to it the next time they see each other. Yes, Nancy, Steve is trying to pretend shit is normal instead of going the espionage route because he’s a teenage boy who doesn’t wanna die or watch the girl he’s in love with die. Does that make him bullshit? Apparently. You know what else is kinda bullshit? Stringing someone along when you know you don’t have real feelings for them. Steve makes it pretty clear that he’s pissed she can’t even say “I love you” BUT neither of them say “I think we should break up.” He simply returns the sentiment saying maybe she’s the one who’s bullshit.

This could be seen as the breakup point but then we get to Steve coming to apologize, clearly trying to fix things even though I really don’t think that shit was his fault. But Nancy is already MIA with Jonathan and they’re on their way to Murray’s. Murray who listens to Nancy’s woes over Steve and goes “we like Steve but we don’t love Steve.” And Nancy tries to dispute that but can’t. Even she makes it known that her relationship with Steve technically isn’t over yet. And then she proceeds to fuck Jonathan later that night while Steve is helping Dustin and lamenting about what went wrong.

And I think the Dufflebags tried writing Steve giving bad flirting advice because they’re showing he hasn’t matured yet and trying to give Nancy a pass but it just kinda comes across as “how did the guy become known as a panty dropper when he’s that bad at flirting already and only gets worse in season 3 but supposedly is back on game in season 4?”

Speaking of season 4, we have Nancy in another spot where she can’t seem to pick a man because we have her seeming to be pining over Steve while being with Jonathan just because Jonathan has been distant. Which is because Jonathan wanted to stay close to his family for college and didn’t know how to break that to her because they had a plan to go to the same college.

And don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate Nancy. I think she’s made some objectively idiotic choices and she’s been a bit flippant over other people’s issues in the past, for example Jonathan not wanting to lose the job at the paper because his family is kinda poor and he needs the job. Yes she was being discriminated against because she was a teenage girl in a male dominated field. What the fuck was her also teenage boyfriend supposed to do about that? Go off the handle and have them both get fired? Well that happened anyway after the stunts she pulled with Jonathan so maybe. But again, I don’t hate her.

All of this to say that whether or not she cheated is disputed. I have no access to any interview by the Dufflebags stating one way or another but personally. Factoring in no actual moment of saying they’re broken up, the fact that Steve was on his way to apologize (when it wasn’t his fault), and Nancy straight up trying to lie to Murray that she was in love with Steve? It sounds like cheating to me to do that and then fuck the other guy.

[merely-a-caricature]

Why Bakugou’s Apology Fails to Meet the Standard of a Proper Apology

I know people have already talked about Bakugou’s “apology” before, but I wanted to add my two cents in after reading about some comments made by someone that rubbed me the wrong way. They basically said BakuDeku was toxic in middle school, but now it’s okay cause Bakugou “apologized” and Izuku already forgave him, which really? So, yeah. Time to explain why his apology is bad and definitely doesn’t make their relationship any better :D

I want to preface by saying this beginning portion is just my own observations, and later points I use are just compiled from an internet search of what makes a good apology. I’ll link the websites at the end. Anyways, into my personal analysis and later dissection of his apology after the cut!

Firstly, Bakugou apologizes in front of all of Class 1-A which I believe raises some flags and gives off the feeling of emotional manipulation. Also, Izuku has not eaten or slept in a few days, so one could also argue that he is in no state of mind to actually be processing his apology.

The next issue with Bakugou’s apology is that the whole scene is barely even an apology. Bakugou only says one sentence that expresses remorse or has the word “sorry” in it.

Everything leading up to it is him explaining why he treated Izuku the way he did.

While it’s not wrong to offer an explanation for why you did the things you did, half of your apology shouldn’t consist of an explanation for your actions. An apology is about accepting responsibility for your wrongdoing, not trying to justify or say, “Yes, I did something wrong, BUT…”

I also thought about how he said he was forced to see Izuku’s strength and his weaknesses which is fine on it’s own, but if you’re supposed to be apologizing for bullying a kid for 10+ years, shouldn’t it be focused on how he was forced to realize his actions for those ten years were wrong? And how Izuku never looked down on him or was above him like he thought?

This is something that gets under my skin. Bakugou’s “developing” relationship with Izuku is never about how he bullied him and he realizes he’s wrong, it’s about how Izuku, his former punching bag, got strong and now Bakugou feels weak. I feel this comment about strength and weakness also highlights how self-centered this apology truly is.

Also the, “But I just gotta speak my truth,” just feels really out of place in an apology. You”re here to speak THE truth and show your remorse, not go on about “your truth”. This type of rhetoric has no place in an apology.

Then Bakugou says some stuff about the path Izuku has been going down which, unfortunately, constitutes about the other half of the apology scene. Again, his apology should actually be focused on what he did wrong, not trying to nitpick Izuku’s actions (though Izuku is obviously in bad shape).

I would also like to point out how this apology came after the fight with Class 1-A where Bakugou taunted Izuku once and still acted rather abrasive

It’s funny how he accuses Izuku of thinking the same way he did for years (being above everyone else) when Izuku isn’t thinking like that at all. And he’s still acting very aggressively.

In all honesty, there is so much wrong with this battle, but one could just chalk it up to “Bakugou being Bakugou”. This doesn’t paint him in a good light though. If he truly was apologetic, remorseful, and regretted his actions and the way he acted, you would think he would try to show that in the way he behaves and treats Izuku, but it’s largely still the same.

These criticisms above are not based on any of the research I did but are simply things I noted that seemed questionable about his apology. Now I will get into some of the crucial things that make a good apology and how Bakugou failed to meet those criteria, not my own personal little analysis, and cross-examine to see how Bakugou fails to meet those standards.

Bakugou did do one thing right, sort of. He did kind of seem honest about what he said. At least, I don’t really see a reason to doubt the sincerity of his words. I will say that it doesn’t necessarily seem like Bakugou has truly learned from his mistakes though since his characterization is not that consistent and any true growth is always just retconned. I just can’t really say anything for sure about how genuine his emotion were. But his possible sincerity doesn’t make up for all the areas he’s lacking in.

Bakugou doesn’t really take responsibility for his actions, he just says he sorry, but he also doesn’t try to shift the blame to someone else, although his explanation of why he bullied and tormented Izuku could be seen as victim-blaming to some extent. But he definitely doesn’t directly and explicitly take responsibility for the pain he caused and still causes Izuku.

Bakugou does not tell Izuku that he’s going to change his ways or reassure him that he will not treat him badly anymore. I’m fact, he goes as far as saying that “he doesn’t expect it to change a thing” between the two of them. Now, that statement could be interpreted in various manners, some worse than others, but in a proper apology (which Izuku should most certainly receive for 10+ years of bullying and abuse) Bakugou should tell him that he’s not going to continue belittling, insulting, and harassing him anymore. A big part of apologizing is actively making an effort not to do the thing you’re apologizing for.

Additionally, when properly apologizing, you should say what you’re apologizing for. I would say especially in Bakugou and Izuku’s case, that rings true. However, Bakugou is very vague about what exactly it is he is sorry about simply stating that he “is sorry for everything”. Dancing around the misdeed is common but the best for a good apology.

Well then, what exactly is he apologizing for? Everything, apparently. But what is everything? Also remember that this is in front of the entire class. His apology would be strengthened exponentially if he actually stated what he was apologizing for instead of leaving 10+ years of abuse in the air. The apology can’t be fully realized unless the extent and severity of the bad deed is recognized.

Bakugou doesn’t show true understanding of why it was bad. When talking about Izuku’s self-sacrificial nature and general poor view of himself just before the battle, he doesn’t acknowledge that his years of bullying are what instilled this in Izuku and instead implies that All Might is to blame for this behavior and mindset.

In the next panels he says he can’t let those two be together just showing that he believes All Might is the cause of Izuku’s unhealthy mindset and the reason why he’s so run down now. He literally threw his idol under the bus instead of realizing the damage he caused to Izuku’s mental state and well-being (though Bakugou isn’t wrong about All Might’s mindset).

As far as I can recall, and I haven’t read the manga or watched the anime in a bit, but Bakugou’s never truly seen or acknowledged how his actions have affected Izuku and the impact they still have on him today. He never truly looks at Izuku and recognizes the consequences of his actions in Izuku’s wellbeing.

Bakugou never acknowledges his actions as wrong in the apology, he just says sorry for them. He never knew said “Everything I did to you is wrong,” or “I know I what I’ve done is wrong,” (which, is still really vague) but simply says sorry with no acknowledgement of wrongdoing on his part and know confirmation of how realizes his behavior is unacceptable. Anyone can apologize for something whether right or wrong, so it’s important that when you do apologize for doing something wrong, you actually take ownership of the wrongdoing.

Bakugou also never shows much regret or remorse. He does says sorry, but as I’ve already said, he never truly takes responsibility or shows or says that he’s regretful or remorseful. He does have a calmer look on his face, but besides hanging his head down, he doesn’t seem very remorseful, although I suppose you could chalk it up to his personality and temperament.

I would like to say that Bakugou’s apology did not have to be perfect. No one is perfect, and he is far from perfect. It’s not like him to even apologize in the first place. And this isn’t the ideal circumstance to apologize. However, people like to act like this apology is WAY better than it is. Some think it makes everything better for their relationship. They believe it really shows how far he’s come. Many in the fandom hold this apology in way too high regard. I was here to explain why his apology was not good and why people should not act like he did this amazing thing when he really only did the bare minimum at best. I don’t personally care for Bakugou, but this was not necessarily intended to be a critique of his character.

Feel free to make any corrections on any things I said that may have been false. I would like to hear your critiques of Bakugou’s apology as well.

Sources: (A)(A)(A)(A)(A)