#anyways - still not online but wanted to share this milestone anyways! it's a big lovely deal <3

[alrightbuckaroo]

I wrote my very first Tarlos fanfic two years ago, today!

It's an angst riddled Carlos centric one-shot written post-break up and in the very early days of season three.

I didn't plan for my most recent story to also be an angst riddled Carlos centric one-shot, but as much things change, they also stay the same.

This fandom is the first one I've been in for a long time and it's been a wild and exciting ride. Can't wait to see where I am a year from now, hopefully I'm still writing angst-riddled Carlos centric one-shots.

[bukojuiice]

ʚ Going to Universal Studios Japan with them (ft. Izuku, Katsuki, Shoto, Denki, Eijirou, Shinsou and Dabi) ɞ *‧.₊˚*੭

—  @bukojuiice’s 720+ followers gift! thank you so so much for supporting my works!  ♡ ily all i never would have thought i would reach this milestone 🥺

—  uni student! izuku, katsuki, shoto, eijirou, denki, shinsou and evil turned good! dabi x reader headcanons ♡

 — To further elaborate, this is a Dabi that turned Good for his bby bro because I know that this is physically impossible in the manga and i found it hard to play around with a cute and fluffy set of hcs within a villain context. so pls let me have a good Dabi just this one time qwq

— if you like to see more from me, i have an ongoing bakugo x fem reader! smau called cuddle buddy! read it here!  for my bnha masterlist check it out here!  ♡

— please reblog, reply and leave like if you enjoyed! it means a lot! c:

—  all universal studios japan photos are taken by me. Most of these headcanons are also based on my experience in Universal Studios Japan!  (๑•͈ᴗ•͈)

—  content warning: slight innuendo/sexual content, strong language and mention of Endeavor

— summary: You spend a wonderful day in one of the most happiest places on earth with your just as wonderful significant other. 

—  You and Izuku stroll through Hogsmeade of the newly opened Hogwarts area of the Park. Your hand in his and your arms interlocked.

—  Izuku would geek out. As in geek out. He very much loved Harry Potter growing up and being able to go to USJ was a dream come true.

—  “It’s LeviOSA not LeviOSAR.” You continue to make Harry Potter jokes and Izuku was loving every minute of it. He could not stop laughing.

— You loved seeing his laugh as it made your heart feel all fluffy inside. God. why must this boy be so cute?

—  Izuku is just as big of a Potterhead as you. The two of you took the Hogwarts House test online and Izuku was sorted into Gryffindor whilst you were sorted into Slytherin. Two complete opposites yet you guys were the most adorkable couple ever. 

— Even the amusement park goers (the couples in particular) couldn’t help but turn their eyes to the two of you. 

—  The two of you are wearing matching Hogwarts robes, earning compliments from the staff giggling about how cute the two of you are! 

— YOU GUYS WERE MOST PROBABLY THE CUTEST COUPLE IN THE AMUSEMENT PARK!?? 

— LIKE YES TWO SOFT CUTIES AND IN HOGWARTS ROBES OF ALL MATCHING OUTFITS THEY COULD HAVE WORN?? COUPLE GOALS

—  You were originally going to hang out with the entire Dekusquad but ofc your friends just decided to play matchmaker and instead collectively backed out and said they were busy bc of uni (obvs a lie)

—  You wonder why they would play matchmaker when the you and Izuku were already together in the first place and they know that very well HSKHSHSKHS 

—  anyways ochaco, tsuyu, shoto and tenya are very supportive wbk

—  Izuku just wanted this day to be very special and to be between the two of you only. 

—  “Izu-kun! Let’s try out the Butterbeer and see if it tastes just as good as the books and movies make them to be!” You point to a food stall that sells the famous beverage seen in the series, with both alcoholic and non-alcoholic kinds.

—  “Of course (Y/N)!-chan Anything for you!” He says sweetly and gingerly hands the money to the food vendor. 

— For fun and because why the hecc not, you decided to order the alcoholic variant of the drink whilst Izuku had purchased the non-alcoholic one.

—  In turn, you ended up becoming a little bit tipsy as the two of you enter the Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey ride.

—  Izuku stares in awe as the waiting line makes you go through the interior of Hogwarts Castle. Both you and Izuku couldn’t help but just stare in amazement. 

—  You smile at the sight of your cute freckled boyfriend admiring the view and the area before him. It was as if he was transported into the actual world of Harry Potter and you couldn’t help but feel the overwhelming emotions he was feeling right now. 

—  The two of you hold hands during the entire attraction as both of you are seated in a 3-seater ride. T’was cute uwu

—  Albeit the fact that you were a little bit tipsy, the entire 4-D ride was magnificent as it literally took you through every adventure Harry Potter and the rest of the cast had experienced. 

— It was probably one of the best rides you’ve been to tbh??

— “The Dementors were so creeeeeeepy.” Izuku shuddered, rubbing his arm. “”They looked so real!” He turns to you, wonder and amazement plastered all over his face.

—  “THE WORST THING ABOUT PRISON WAS THE DEMENTORSSSS.” You howled, your voice practically echoing around the exit area. 

—  “IZUkU!!! I LOAF YOUUUUUUU SOW MUCHHHHHIE.”

—  Midoriya knew that you got a bit tipsy due to the butterbeer, as soon as he had noticed the body language you were showing, he supports your weight by holding you tightky and then slowly take you to the cafe near the entrance that served hot coffee.

—  Thankfully, you were able to sober up so that the two of you could go around the rest of the park before the Night show took place in Hogwarts Castle. 

—  “You know, I’m so lucky to have you (Y/N)-chan. Just like how lucky Ron is to have Hermione.” He plants a kiss on your forehead, he firmly holds you as the evening light show of Hogwarts Castle begins. 

—  “You’re overreacting Izu-kun. I’m not as smart as Hermione.” You shake your head, trying to avoid eye contact as he just made another cheesy Harry Potter Joke. “More like I’m the Ron to your Hermione. I mess up sometimes yet you’re always there for me to help me up when I’m down.” 

—  “Then I guess we don’t have to compare ourselves to Ron and Hermione then. Because I wouldn’t have a life like this with you any other way. I love you (Y/N)-chan.”

—  “I love you too Izu-kun.” 

—  An array of colorful fireworks pop in the sky and the both of you look deep into each other’s eyes, holding each other tightly til the festivities end.

— The two of you arrived at Universal Studios Japan earlier than most people. Bakugo always wanted to be first in line even though the two of you had fast passes to specific rides. He just rolls like that.

—  You forced him to wear matching matching elmo and cookie monster headbands with you. You were wearing the Elmo one and he was wearing the Cookie monster design.

  —  He’d spoil you soooooooo bad like he’d be grumpy at first and refuse to buy you this cute little souvenir item you’d probably never use, but he’d still spoil the heck out of you. Just as long as it was mildly reasonable.

—  He was all for thrill rides. As long as he got to show off how bad-ass and brave he is to you. That was until you discovered one of the Jurassic Park rides in the park and HOO BOY...

  —  You were internally squealing at the sight of him wearing the cookie monster that your brain just?? kinda stopped?? You secretly take a pic of your explosive boyfie and then change his contact name to Cookie Monster.

—  You first enter the Jurassic Park area at the insistence of Kirishima, Kaminari, Mina and Sero whomst you were supposedly going to meet after 2 hours

— As you roam around, there’s awkward silence between the two of you until you begin to obnoxiously sing the theme song of the series to try and annoy Bakugo, “TENENENEN TENENENENEN TENENENEN”

—‘’(Y/N) Geez, could you stop singing that stupid song? It fucking annoys me.’’

—‘’No way we’re riding that shitty fucking water ride. I will not get wet today.”

— “Oh really? What if you get wet in different ways?”

—He smirks at you, taking your hand and rubbing your thumb, “Let’s see when we get home.’’

— “OH WAIT BUT FIRST LET’S SHARE A TURKEY LEG!’’ You point to a nearby food stall, selling turkey legs for 980 yen. 

— Katsuki begrudgingly follows you to the stall and buys a turkey leg for the two of you to share. 

—You were deep in thought. Fantasizing if you could eat the Turkey Leg with Katsuki “Lady and Tramp” style. 

— Much to your dismay, Katsuki had finished the Turkey Leg before you could get another bite. You pout and cross your arms, yet he doesn’t notice you silently shooting daggers at him.

— You then quickly forget about the Turkey Leg as soon as the Flying Dinosaur attraction hovered above you. The amusing screams of the people riding it could be heard as it passed at a speed you could have never imagined.

—  ‘’Suki-kun!! Let’s ride that next!’’

— ‘’We just ATE. Are you fucking serious right now?’’

—  ‘’Or are you too chicken?’’ You tease him playfully. ‘’Hmm… Looks like eating the entire turkey leg turned you into a chicken now didn’t it?’’

—  ‘’Fine. Fuck this.’’ He tilts his head, gesturing you to follow suit. ‘’Let’s get into the fast pass line.’’

— You get on the ride and see up close the details of the dinosaur as it’s positioned upright for you two to get on. You take your seats and are instructed to strap yourselves in the seat. 

— You get a wonderful view of the sea as the ride continues to ascend, going up and down, at high speeds. You begin to scream your heart out, the adrenaline rushing through you. Bakugo tries to put up a face, not wanting to scream and show any weakness. You look at him again as the ride arrives at a downwards slope, creating a momentum before it descends again at high speed.

— The ride begins to move, positioning itself like a pterodactyl would. You take Bakugo’s hand and give it a tight squeeze. You look at him for comfort and he nods at you lovingly. You were at ease albeit the fact that the two of you are about to experience one of the most terrifying amusement park rides ever.

The two of you are then positioned to be dangling in mid-air, the safety strap from a while ago being the only thing holding you in place. 

—  ‘’(Y/N)! I LOVE YOU!’’ He screams his lungs out as the ride passes through the ocean again, giving you a clear view of the sea surrounding the wonderful prefecture of Osaka.

—  You smile cheekily and begin to scream from the top of your lungs too. ‘’I LOVE YOU TOO KATSUKI!’’

—  ‘’Did you really mean that I love you?’’ You ask him. Your adrenaline is still pumping you up.

— ‘’Of course I did you nerd. I had to get it out of my chest.’’ He says, avoiding eye contact, scratching the back of his neck.

—  The ride then ends abruptly and you could never feel more grateful. You could practically kiss the floor as your legs shaked once you got off. Katsuki supports you with his arm around yours and the two of you get off the ride.

—  ‘’I want to hear you say that again.’’ You poke his cheek but he doesn’t move an inch.

—  ‘’Come on. We have to go look for Kirishima in the others.’’

—  ‘’One more time Suki-kun! Please?’’ You look at him with your most dramatic puppy eyes and he couldn’t help but give in.

—  ‘’Fine.’’ He says grumpily. ‘’I love you.’’

—  ‘’I love you too. Let’s never ride that again.’’

— ‘’Agreed.’’

— Shoto made sure that he would make the most of the time with you before the two of you go back to University. Booking the most luxurious hotel available, fine dining every single night you were in Osaka and going on private local tours and taking high-end trips to Nara and Kyoto.  

— He’s spoiling you so so so bad and as much as you didn’t want Shoto to spend too much, he kept on insisting. 

— This is also why he decided your trip near your birthday so that in a sense, this is his birthday surprise for you too!

— He wanted to go all out just for you. 

— You feel like you’re in Cloud 9 every time you’re with Shoto. How much more when you’re going on an extra special trip with him? 

— “This Eren Jeager’s voice sounds familiar. It’s as if we have the same voice.” Todoroki looks at the screen perplexed, putting on the 4-D Glasses and making sure you were already comfortable on your seat.

— ‘’I know right. You’re hotter of course.’’ You whisper, giving him a peck on the cheek.

— Attack on Titan is your all time favorite anime ever.

— Shoto wasn’t too well-versed in anime, so him bringing you to USJ is one of the best things he could ever do for you.

— Especially since the park had a limited time Attack on Titan 4-D Attraction!!

— YOU KNEW you had to go there and it was also a perfect opportunity for you to bond with Shoto

— As long as you were happy and he could support you with your interests, he was happy too.

— Being able to go on the Attack on Titan 4D Ride was a dream come true.

— You brought Shoto to the souvenir shop first and bought matching headbands for the two of you.

— You were wearing a headband that had two little chibi Levis on each side whilst Shoto had little chibi Erens on his uwu

— He’d be spoiling you so so much !!! Any souvenir item you’d set your eyes on, he’d immediately buy it for you!! 

— Before you can even say no, he’s already bought it using his luxurious black credit card. YOUR BOYFIE WAS RICH OFC I MEAN WHAT WOULD YOU EXPECT!?

—  "That was amazing." Todoroki says in awe, still trying to process the thrill he had just experienced. "I wonder what would happen if titans started appearing all of a sudden?"

—  "Let's say a smol titan appears right now. I wonder if you could pierce it with your ice?" You tilt your head, beginning to think about unrealistic scenarios. "Anywhooo, shall we go to the next ride on our list? It's called Hollywood Dream!"

—  "Let's gooooo~" He hums monotonously, earning giggles from you. He wraps an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close as you walk side by side. 

— “Okay... so there are two variants to this ride. There’s one that goes in reverse and the other one goes so high up that we have an overview of the whole park.” You go through a brochure that you picked up at the entrance.

 — “Whichever one you’re more comfortable with (Y/N).” 

—  “Let’s go on the one where we can see our hotel because of how high it is!”

—  “OKAY NVM THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.” You say as the rollercoaster begins to reach it’s momentum, the ride going higher and higher.  Until you can see your hotel and every recognizable landmark from afar. 

—  Shoto then clasps your hand, giving it a tight squeeze. “It’s okay (Y/N). I’m right here. Just hold my hand okay?” 

—  You nod slowly, taking a deep breath. You close your eyes and feel a fell swoop on your stomach as the wind passes through your face.

—  Justin Timberlake’s Can’t Stop the Feeling begins to play as the rollercoaster begins to descend from roaring heights. They purposefully attached speakers to the ride so that the park goers would feel hyped up and excited instead of being terrified of how high up they are. 

—  Shoto’s hands are still intertwined with yours. You weren’t letting go. 

—  The screams of everyone else in the ride grows louder and louder and you can’t help but sing to the song instead.

—  “I GET THIS FEELINGGG INSIDE MY BONES! IT GOES ELECTRIC, WAVEY WHEN I TURN IT ONN.” You began to sing, raising your arms up high as you slowly begin to enjoy the ride. 

—  Shoto who was sitting on the end yet is still able to keep his calm composure, turns to you, and a small smile flashes on his face when he sees you channel your nervousness through singing. 

—  He begin to sing along with you too! AAAHHH WHAT A CUTIE

—  “All through my city, all through my home, We're flying up, no ceiling, when we in our zone.” He continues. You look at him and ease up a little bit once you see his handsome face and comfortable presence beside you.

— And before you knew it, the ride came to a stop. It was finally over. You take a deep breath and Shoto helps you out of your seat.

— “I got that sunshine in my pocket! Got that good song in my feet. I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops!” You and Shoto begin to duet to the pop and colorful song. You begin to fully enjoy the ride, barely even noticing the ride making sharp and fast turns as it continues to go up and down. 

— “I might have hated it at first but that was exhilarating.” 

— “I knew you could do it.” He says proudly, planting a kiss on your forehead. “You are the bravest person I know after all.” 

— “I wouldn’t have overcome my fears if it weren’t for you though.” You scrunch your nose, and hold on to Shoto’s arm. Your heart still beating so fast. “Thank you for being my safe space Shoto. I’m always at peace whenever I’m with you. Thank you for always being my comfort person.”

— “Of course (Y/N). Why wouldn’t I be?” He tilts his head, clueless. “Are you game enough to ride the reversed one this time?”

— “Of course I am!” 

— He chuckles, “That’s my love. If you feel like you can’t do it, Just know that I’m always here to support you.” 

— The first attractions on your list were the water rides. More specifically the Jurassic Park Water Ride and the JAWS ride. 

— You and Kirishima would try every ride in the park if you could. He loved to try and experience new things especially if he’s able to do them with you!

— Kiri is a very very fun person and would always be game with anything tbh!!

— You’re wearing matching dinosaur hats with Kirishima!!

— ‘’RAWR!’’ You make cutesy dinosaur gestures at your boyfriend, jumping around in your place. ‘’Can you believe we’re finally here in USJ!?’’ He blushes profusely, pecking your cheek. 

—  ‘’I can’t believe it too.’’ He chuckles then pauses for a moment before...

— ‘’RAWR!’’ He says back, his hands forming into claws, his cute mouth open wide and his sharp shark teeth very much visible. You giggle at his returned gesture, finding it more cuter than you should.

— ‘’(Y/N) you’re adorable! You know that right?’’ He laughs and continues to hold you tightly.

— ‘’Pshh of course I do! I have an equally adorable boyfriend too!’’ You look up at him, beaming.

— The two of you then jump in your place in unison, both mimicking each other’s cute ‘’RAWR!’’ and hand gestures as Kirishima pulls you into a hug.

— ‘’Don’t forget manly!’’ He winks and grabs your hand, taking you to the Jurassic Park Water ride.

— “I actually find it smart that we go on the water rides first so that we can just change clothes immediately after. Good thinkening Kiri!” You remark, patting him on the head.

— THINKENING??? THINKENING??? Eijirou could not think straight right now because of how cute you are

— ANYWAY HE WASNT GOING TO LOOK OR ANYTHING KIRISHIMA IS A GENTLEMAN HE IS NOT A BAD BOI WHO WILL GIVE IN TO TEMPATION!!

— You looked so excited to go on the rides and he couldn’t be happier seeing you like this 

— IT ALSO DIDNT HELP THAT YOU WERE WEARING A WHITE SHIRT SO IF YOU DID GET WET THEN 👁👄👁

— The ride begins and the all too familiar theme song of the series begins to play as the gates to the Jurassic Park opens as the water ride begins to move

— Although the ride was very predictable, and you knew the surprise at the end was the T-rex trying to jumpscare you as the ride falls down a high incline, splashing all of the people on the ride. 

— Kirishima still looked like he had lots of fun. 

— He turns to you, a huge cheeky smile plastered upon his face as he tries to dry his clothes. “That was fun!” 

— The ride may seem calm at first, but then the T-Rex begins to secretly appear around the forest-ish area surrounding the water ride. 

— “It was!” You smiled back. You look down on your shirt innocently. “I didn’t expect that I’d get this wet so I thought wearing a white shirt would be-”

— “LET’S BUY YOU A JURASSIC PARK SHIRT IN THE SOUVENIR SHOP OKAY!? SO THAT YOU WON’T WASTE YOUR OTHER CLOTHES AND YOU CAN CHANGE IN THEM FOR THE JAWS RIDE INSTEAD.” Eijirou stands up so suddenly from the boat. He takes you by the hand without shooting you another glance as not to show how flustered he was. 

— “Okay then...” You reply, as Kirishima whisks you away, leading you to the souvenir shop just outside of the attraction.

— Kirishima breathes a sigh of relief as he sees you exit the comfort room. 

— He calls you over, “(Y/N)! While you were changing your clothes, I went back to the souvenir shop and realized that they were actually couple shirts!

— We are so Adora-saurable! was written on both of your shirts along wtih a cute dinosaur couple print on them.

— “Funny how you were able to find a Dinosaur pun on the word adorable! What a coincidence!” You giggle, poking Kirishima’s cheek. “I think we had enough of dinosaurs for now. Shall we check out the other rides?”

— “Right beside ya!” Kiri flashes you his signature smile, taking your hand in his again, swinging it back and forth as the two of you continue to your next destination. 

— The way you scolded him was more in a joking way though!!

— You guys arrive a bit late because Kaminari ended up sleeping through his alarm 🙃

— When the two of you met up at the entrance you scolded him so bad because you practically lost two hours and HNGGGGG

— All he could do was hug you tightly from behind and say “gomen!” “gomen!” over and over again

— you were loving every second of it!!!! denki was being super cute and you couldn’t help but just go uwu

— BUT THEN YOU SCOLDING HIM  DIDN’T REALLY MATTER BC YOU GUYS HAD FAST PASSES

— YOU DO BE FLEXING YOUR FAST PASSES THO

— THE TWO OF YOU FELT LIKE RICH KIDS FLEXING YOUR GUCCI FLIPFLOPS WHEN IN FACT YOU WERE FLEXING YOUR FAST PASSES

— OK SO you and Kaminari decided to go to the Despicable Me/Minions area first not just for the memes but also because it was the most popular attraction this season.

— You also wanted to get on the rides there first since it takes 2 hours before you can even get in

— YOU HAVE MATCHING MINION POPCORN BUCKETS WITH HIMM!!

— The design of yours was a cute little minion holding a teddy bear whilst his was a special Christmas reindeer edition.

—  “(Y/N)-chan! Look at the line! Should we line up and take a picture with the Minions!?” He points to a meet and greet line for the yellow mascots

—  You weren’t exactly the biggest fan of these abominations but facebook mom memes aside, Denki looked super super excited and you didn’t want to ruin a great start to a perfect day so you just went with it.

—  The staff attendants thought Kaminari looked super excited like cute little sparky puppy seeing the minions so they gave you cute minion button pins!!

— The Despical Me Area pretty much played Happy by Pharell Williams non-stop as people stroll around so you and Denki couldn’t help but dance along to it.

—  It didn’t matter if people looked at the two of you weirdly either!! Just being with denki and being chaotic with him is one of the best feelings ever and he feels the same way too

— You guys did all kinds of funky dances til the two of you got exhausted and decided to try out the other rides. 

— There were also carnival game stands and Kaminari ended up winning you the exact same unicorn stuff toy seen in the Despical Me movies.

— Cotton Candy, Gumballs, Skittes, anything remotely sweet being sold on the stalls, you tried all of them.

— “IT’S SO FLUFFFFFY!!!” You imitate one of the cute characters from the movie, hugging the stuffed toy to your chest. “Thank you Kami-kun! I will cherish this forever!”

— Kaminari grins widely, “I know you aren’t too fond of the Minions but thank you for still going with me to this area first.” You can see the emotion and the appreciation in his eyes. 

— “OMG DENKI OFC! WHY WOULD I NOT ENJOY THIS!?” You say incredulously. “I had such an amazing time! Minions and their annoying voices aside. I always have the best time when I’m with you!”

— Crocodile tears start to form on Denki’s eyes as he pulls you into a hug. “AAAAAAAHH (Y/N)-CHAN I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU. THANK YOU FOR BEARING WITH ME. I’M DOING THIS FOR THE MEMES.” 

— You giggle, patting Kaminari on the back. “It’s alright alright. I love you too! But this time you have to compensate by going on a horror ride with me okay?”

— “Ahahahahahaha what?”

— Endeavor had sponsored your trip and all expenses to ~try~ and start to mend his broken relationship with his son, although you refused at first, Toya did not. When he went to visit his mother and Enji was there to visit too, He got the money from him, ignored him, and flipped him off (aka gave him the bad finger) before leaving.

His three other siblings were in on this trip too. However, Toya wanted your trip to Universal Studios Japan between the two of you ONLY. His siblings went on a different day.

— He wasn’t the biggest fan of matching outfits or any accessories with you like any couple would and you didn’t want to pry on that. He really wasn’t the type of person to do that to begin with.

— And although on the inside he does feel a bit sorry about not being able to be cutesy with you it just really wasn’t his thing. 

The two of you would most probably make out in a secluded area in the Hogsmeade area that is barely noticed by any other park goers. How daring and how secsy

 ‘’Seriously? Snoopy and Hello Kitty? THIS is the area you want to go in first?’’

—‘’Come on! It’s not everyday you get to loosen up like this. Why not try out the kiddie rides first? Besides, I want to see how long you can last without taking the cuteness anymore.”

— The staff sees you enter the Snoopy and Woodstock ride and couldn’t help but ask a very imprudent question. “The two of you look like such a cute couple! I bet your child is just as precious!”

—“Excuse me… what?” You ask, your eyes widen. “We’re not-”

—“The kid is on it’s way. We’ll have one soon once we return here.” Toya says casually, sending you a flirtatious wink and you feel flushed and slightly embarrassed.

—“Jeeeeeeeeeez. Did you really have to say that?” You try to avoid contact with him so he wouldn’t see the embarrassment or rather the arousal present all over your face.

—“What? It’s true.” He smirks, taking your hand. “Do you not want anything to happen between us?” He teases again.

—“NO NO NO NO ITS NOT THAT.” You yelp in embarrassment, your eyes still cast down on the ground.

—You notice him kneeling down and before you could even react, instead of facing the ground, you were staring down at your boyfriend’s handsome face instead. 

—“Come on… I thought we were going to the Hello Kitty ride next?

— “Oh yeah right! That ahahaha let’s go!” You look up again before he could see your face looking like a tomato.

— You couldn’t help but be flustered by his words time and time again. This time though there was no point in hiding it. He got to you.

— He grabs you by the waist, and whispers into your ear, “Besides, I’m saving matching outfits with you once we bring our child here in the future. We would be the cutest fucking family out there.”

— You’ve already been dating for a year?? and your heart still flutters every time?? anything remotely romantic comes out of his mouth???

— HE WAS SUCH  FLIRT OH LORD AND YOU JUST SWOON AND FALL FOR HIM EVEN MORE 

— The other couples for some reason never thought of going on the cutesy rides, so as soon as they saw you and Toya going on them, the line for most of the rides got even longer.

— Toya might be lowkey an edgelord  but you guys became trendsetters in a span of an hour!! 

— OK BUT SPEAKING OF EDGELORD... DABI AS AN E-BOY HURRRRRRRRR YOU MAY OR MAY NOT BE MANIFESTING YOUR BOYFRIEND TO SUDDENLY BE IN E-BOY CLOTHES ON THE SPOT TOTALLY NOT NOPE NOPE NOPE NEVER 

— He still looked hot just wearing a plain dark hoodie but you still couldn’t get the thought of Toya wearing those fits out of your head.

— “Earth to (Y/N)? You’re spacing out again.” He waves a hand in front of your face and you snap back to reality. “We’ve rode every attraction here. I think we should go check out the other rides? The Jaws one next please. I can’t stand all this cute sparkly cuteness anymore.”

—  “AHAH! YOU FINALLY SNAPPED!” You laugh, acting as if you finally got back at Toya for making you such a blushing and stuttering mess just a few minutes ago. Dabi shrugs it off however. 

— “OKIE! Now that I got out of my system, let’s continue to go around shall we?” You huff and pace off to the next ride that you wanted to go on.

— Toya shakes his head and smirks, following you to wherever you were going to take him next. That didn’t stop him from teasing you every few minutes though.

— The two of you did come back to USJ, but only a few days later to accompany Shoto since Fuyumi and Natsuo had to take the train home due to having to attend important matters.

— The same park attendant who complimented you and Dabi was managing the Snoopy ride again. She recognizes the two of you instantly and waves. “Oooh! I didn’t think the two of you would come back again so early! Is this the cute child you were talking about?”

— You and Toya collectively facepalm whilst Shoto looks at the staff with a very puzzled look.

— Hopefully, the next time you come back, you finally have a happy family with Toya and you can finally show off to that sassy ol’ attendant that you have a cute little kid with you to go on rides with.

—This is officially your 7th date with Shinsou. 

— Although the two of you are already official, you can’t help but feel and notice how cold and distant he is to you still. As if he hasn’t exactly opened up to you.

—  And you didn’t want to end this day without seeing him loosen up and open his shell.

 —  You wanted a relationship with Shinsou in where the two of you could talk to each other about your own problems and help each other out. 

— That was the ideal relationship after all, and you knew for a fact that you could have something special like this with Shinsou. 

—  He did confess to you through a love poem and if that isn’t the most romantic thing ever, then I don’t know what is. 

—  You wanted to be his comfort person after all. Just as he is with you although I think he doesn’t know that yet exactly. 

—  “SOU-KUNNNN you know what else we can do?” 

—  “...What?”

—  “Let’s go on all the boring rides!!” You take his hand and start running to the next attraction. 

—  “T-that’s not actually a bad idea. Let’s go.” He mutters, albeit shy at the touch of your hands at first, he grows comfortable after a few minutes with your hand intertwined with his. 

—  SHINSOU IS SO TOUCH-STARVED AND YOU CAN’T WAIT TIL YOU GIVE HIM ALL THE HUGS AND KITHES IMAGINABLE LATER THAT NIGHT

— It was the middle of the afternoon and the park was less busier than usual, which meant all the time for you and Shinsou to try out every exhilarating ride the park had to offer. 

—  The only ones left were more performance-based attractions where you would be watching a live musical or play. One of those being a Terminator based ride. 

—  The concept of a Terminator live-action retelling was pretty cool but certainly not you or Shinsou’s cup of tea either. However, it was your goal with him to try out every ride in the park. So, eh why not?

—  The two of you sit in the front seat, making Shinsou within range of the stage actors to be affected by his quirk. 

—  “Don’t try to make them do anything bad okay?” You whisper to him. “This live show does look boring and really needs to liven up a little.

—  “I won’t do that of course. Let’s just make this show more entertaining.” 

— He then uses his quirk on the stage actors, making them do fun and entertaining dances. 

— The audience burst out into laughter as Shinsou had unintentionally made a twist to the musical playing before you. 

— “Of course not! You made that Terminator Musical much better! I bet they took notes and try to switch up the acting and the cheesiness for the next show!” 

— “Hopefully they will. Because the show was boring as hell.” He deadpans, putting his hands in his pockets. 

— Everyone in the theatre left in good spirits. 

— He stops in his tracks and looks at you. How lucky he was to have someone like you in his life.

— “Thank you for today too (Y/N). I really enjoy spending time with you like this.” He looks away, yet fails to hide his flustered face. 

— “You’re welcome!” You lean in and tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. 

—  Despite how cold and straightforward he may be sometimes, you never complained. You accepted him for who he was and who he is. 

— The two of you take the train ride home in peace and solace knowing that slowly but surely, Shinsou becomes more and more comfortable with you and you can’t wait for the time he finally opens up and bears his heart to you. 

Thank you for reading ♡

-Fin 

[dino-nugget7]

A Manifesto Against The School System

As of writing this I am a second year Public High School Teacher. I won’t be able to live with myself if I spend another year at it. Literally, I feel like a bit of a monster for deciding to finish out this school year rather than quitting right now. But we do what we must to survive, my students won’t be less oppressed because I left, and if nothing else, it gives me an opportunity to strategize about what I can do to aid in revolutionizing school because authentic alternatives to public school exist but none I have found have been intersectional enough to replace public education without excluding the kids who would most benefit from escaping the main school system here in America.

Some of the reasons I did not understand how oppressive school actually is, are that my interests and hobbies happened to align very neatly with the “core” classes, and that even though I grew up very poor and moved around a lot as a kid, we eventually settled and I went to a well funded high school that had just about any elective and/or after school club that I might be interested in trying and then some. During that time, I came to see school as a place where I could explore my passions and escape my home situation. So I figured I would love to pay it forward and go be a teacher.

I recognized at least, the privileged position I came from and decided I wanted to go learn how to teach in settings as different from my high school as possible. Which is why I went and got special permission for most of my classroom placements throughout the teaching program to be at alternative schools. In Colorado at least, alternative schools are small public schools which primarily serve students identified as “at risk”, which is shorthand for “Statistically more likely to drop out than the general population for one reason or another.”

I did not know when I asked to be placed in one, but learned within days of being there that most people that even know alternative schools exist, think of them as the places where “the bad kids” go. I realized very quickly that they are actually places filled with kids who have experienced a lot of trauma in and out of school and don’t respond to that trauma the way adults want them to respond. I came to adore kids at alternative schools because they remind me of my younger siblings.

Like my oldest brother, many of them find school mind numbingly easy and boring and have much more pressing matters to devote their mental energy to.

Like my middle brother, many of them have spent so much time around teachers who do not understand neurodivergence that have been convinced of the lie that they are weird, dumb and/or lazy and because of that, trying to participate in school is like hitting their head on a brick wall.

Like all of my brothers and my sisters, they have a ton of skills that they are brilliant at, but that are not prioritized by the school system, so they never pursue them, such as construction, music, makeup and programming.

Many, if not most of them come from living situations full of abuse and neglect and/or poverty so they don’t have the mental or emotional space to worry about much beyond survival, and not only haven’t learned how to make and achieve long term goals, but have never had the luxury of a stable enough environment for that kind of planning to be worthwhile.

All that being said, something that you only realize if you actually work in a few public alternative schools, as I have done through college and my current job, is that the name is actually an oxymoron.

What started me down the path of considering and researching all the ways school is an oppressive system, was a conversation I had with a student in my first year teaching. He was learning about chemical reactions and safety and asked me the infamous question, “Why do I have to learn about this?” to which I said “Because everything is chemicals and understanding how they can interact with one another and ways they can harm you can keep you safe when you do things like clean or cook.” To which he replied, “Well no offense but I have no idea how this shit relates to cooking and please don’t tell me because its not like I’m actually going to remember it when I am cooking, and I already know how to clean safely because of work. But you’re still going to make me learn this boring shit anyways so seriously, why do we have to learn about this?”

I paused to consider what he was asking. I had interpreted, as the system trained me to, that the question he was asking was, “what value does this knowledge hold?” But what he actually meant was “Why are you making me waste my time learning about this thing that I never asked to learn about?” So I replied, as a sort of test of my new understanding, “It’s part of the physical science curriculum the Education Department thinks is important for high schoolers to learn.” He was taken aback, “Wait, you don’t decide what stuff we learn about? What’s even the point of teachers then? Why don’t they just give us a list of all their stupid stuff they think we should know so we can get on with our lives?” He had a point and I have spent a lot of time reflecting on and growing from that conversation.

Sure, there are some key differences that make alternative schools slightly more tolerable than your standard 800-4,000 kid high school. Class sizes are smaller so students get more individualized help. We get funding to help students access things such as food, clothes, hygiene products, and healthcare and know students well enough that we actually know which kids are lacking these resources. We have slightly more leeway than traditional schools to create innovative lessons. We don’t give out homework.

But public alternative schools are still oppressive in most of the ways that the big schools are. I’m sure none of this will be a surprise to most readers, but I want you to really consider how restricted kids in public school are, how restricted you probably were in school as you read through this.

School starts early in the morning and students have to constantly shift mental gears throughout the day due to a tight schedule of constantly rotating classes and a very short lunch break. Throughout the day, bells tell students when they can’t or must move around or eat. Students have to ask when they need to go to the bathroom or get water and teachers cannot go at all outside of their plan period because students are not trusted to be in the classroom without an adult even for a few minutes. They have no control over who they share space with and very little control over their ability to leave that space if it conflicts with their needs. There is a strict dress code which disproportionately targets marginalized students. Students are expected to be sociable but not given nearly enough opportunities to actually socialize. The school keeps records of everything the student has ever gotten in trouble for, every class the student has taken, every grade they have received, their “class rank,” and every intervention program the student is part of. And like every public school, alternative schools must follow state curriculum standards and by extension, grading, data collection, and required testing. On the surface it might not seem like it, but that last point is actually the most insidious one and its the one that has followed students into remote learning during the pandemic.

According to the people who decide how schools work, there are four factors of student choice: These factors are Time, Place, Pace, and Path. For example, if I am running a unit on plate tectonics, rather than giving students a worksheet and telling them to work on it as we go through a slideshow and turn it in at the end of class, I could put them in groups, give them an online choice board of three different but roughly equivalent projects relating to plate tectonics to choose from, each with different rubrics for completion and tell them they can turn it in at any time in the next two weeks. And then instead of devoting class time to direct instruction, I would give them a variety of resources to peruse and teach them how to research more and let them choose what aspects of plate tectonics to focus on and how to present their information. Now, this is certainly a few steps in the right direction away from making kids sit in rows and listen to the teacher drone on about plate tectonics while they take notes. But it misses the most important factors of choice in my eyes, the things that I would be fired for if I actually gave them the choice about: How students spend their time and what they are allowed to prioritze.

None of this is to say that expecting kids to learn is inherently fucked up or that teaching inherently makes one an oppressive person. On the contrary, authentic teaching and learning are vital to our ability to solve our problems and grow as people. If all students were given the opportunities to spend their childhoods learning things that they were actually interested in, to explore the full breadth of knowledge that humans have compiled at their leisure without timelines or milestones except the ones they set for themselves, to socialize with people of all ages, to authentically participate in society both as learners and as educators, as leaders and as team members, the world wouldn’t be perfect, but it would be a lot less soul crushing.

Now, I mentioned at the beginning of this piece that authentic alternatives do exist.  To get you started on researching what’s out there, I recommend starting with Sudbury schools and the unschooling movement.

But unless these models somehow miraculously become a large and accepted enough presence to get government funding, or money ceases its hold on us all, the public school system will be the only one that most students, especially impoverished students, transient students, english language learners, and disabled students (especially those with profound disabilities) will have access to. Which is a damn shame and a problem I am committed to trying to figure out how to contribute to solving because those are the students whose lives would be most radically transformed for the better if they got the opportunities that these models provide.

[heartofether]

Bonus Episode #4 - Irene's Inauguration TRANSCRIPT

[You can listen to the show wherever you get your podcasts, or go to our “Listen” page if you’re on desktop.]

AUTOMATED VOICE

Please state your message.

[INTRO MUSIC PLAYS FOR SOME TIME BEFORE FADING OUT.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[INT. THE BREAK ROOM, MIDDAY, AROUND LUNCH.]

[IRENE IS SITTING DOWN AT THE TABLE, WHILE ADEN IS LEANING OVER HER SHOULDER. THERE ARE VARIOUS OFFICE AMBIANCE NOISES HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND.]

IRENE

I don’t think I need your help setting it up, you know. I’m pretty sure I can figure out how to use an app.

ADEN

Sorry, sorry, I’m just—excited, you know? It feels like you’re about to take a big step, and I get to be the one to watch it happen.

IRENE

[SHE SCOFFS.] As if this is a major life milestone.

ADEN

Hey, I think it is! In a way. You know? It’s not common for someone your age to not be active on social media—

IRENE

Hey.

ADEN

Not that that’s a bad thing! You’re like, joining the masses though. It’s like an inauguration.

IRENE

Yeah, sure. Whatever.

ADEN

And, I’d also like to witness the outcome of my months of pestering you.

IRENE

Hey! I kept saying I was going to—

ADEN

So have you come up with a username yet?

IRENE

Um, not really? I’m guessing just irenegray is taken.

ADEN

Mmmm, probably. If it helps at all, I added a word to my username that I thought sounded nice. Kind of like, something cool and aesthetic, you know?

IRENE

See, that’s part of the problem. You actively have an aesthetic you’re trying to maintain. I’m just kind of, you know. [SHE VAGUELY MOTIONS.]

ADEN

Hey, I think that’s great that you're authentically yourself and you don’t adhere to any restrictive subcultures.

IRENE

If you wanna call it that… honestly though I just hadn’t thought about it. I mean, you know I’m mostly doing this for you, right?

ADEN

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just pick a word you like and pair it with your name to see if it sounds nice! Maybe, like, an adjective?

IRENE

Hm. [SHE THINKS FOR A MOMENT, THEN] I kind of like the idea of it being something forest-themed.

ADEN

That would be cute! What if you did, like, the name of a tree? [BEAT] Ooh! You could do something like cedarirene, as in red cedars, you like those, right?

IRENE

[THINKING] I kind of like that, they’re pretty… [beat]

ADEN

[HE LAUGHS AT HIS OWN JOKE] Or you could do, like, irenefir, as in Douglas-fir? Those are pretty common in this part of the states.

IRENE

[SHE CHUCKLES, THEN, HUMS IN THOUGHT.] Yeah, I’m not sure I’m going for the Christmas tree route today.

ADEN

Hey, if you end up deciding you don’t like it, you can always change it later.

IRENE

That’s a good point. [BEAT] But I think cedarirene is good.

ADEN

I like it, too.

[A PAUSE AS SHE TYPES.]

ADEN

Then just add your email and password—don’t worry, I’ll look away for this part… [KEEPS TRAILING ON AS AN AFTERTHOUGHT WHILE IRENE TYPES] Even though I’m fairly certain it’s the same login info you use for everything… which you should really work on by the way, you know that really isn’t the most secure—

[MORE PHONE TYPING.]

IRENE

Got it.

ADEN

Then you’re done!

[A BEAT.]

IRENE

What do I do now?

ADEN

Now, you get to customize your profile. You know, add your name, your bio, a profile picture—oh, actually hold on, give me your phone real quick.

IRENE

Why?

ADEN

I want you to follow me! Here, just let me search for my username.

IRENE

[SHE CHUCKLES.] Sure. Go wild.

[ADEN IS HEARD TYPING IN THE BACKGROUND.]

ADEN

…and done. Oh, actually, while I’m here, I should have you follow Carol and Julia. [HE STARTS TYPING THEIR USERNAMES IN.]

IRENE

[IN SHOCK] Carol has Instagram?

ADEN

Uh, yeah.[beat] You seriously don’t understand just how behind you are, do you?

IRENE

[SHE GAPES IN FAUX-OFFENSE] You act like I’m withering away into a pile of dust just for not using social media.

ADEN

[GIGGLING] I’m kidding, Irene! I know lots of reasons why someone may want to go off the grid. I mean, social media can be kind of, er…

IRENE

A cruel and unjust place full of corporate marketing and unattainable standards?

ADEN

Yeah. Also, it can be kind of addicting for some people. So just, I mean I doubt you’ll have that problem since you don’t really seem to care, but just—be careful.

IRENE

Don’t worry, I doubt I’ll even use it that much.

ADEN

You better at least open the app every now and then. I want to send you stuff.

IRENE

[SHE LAUGHS.] I’ll keep notifications on for you, bud… If nothing else.

ADEN

Right, so, back to your profile. I’ll let you do whatever you want for this part. Oh, you should put your pronouns in your bio, though.

IRENE

Got it. [A PAUSE, THEN] Uh, what else should I put?

ADEN

Anything you want, really. Some people like to put their age, their job, sexuality, a fun fact about themselves.

IRENE

I mean, I don’t really want to share my entire personal life with the internet.

ADEN

Then don’t. Just put some totally random fun fact.

IRENE

Hm. Okay.

[A PAUSE AS IRENE TYPES.]

ADEN

Is that… did you actually drink three cups of coffee in less than one hour before?

IRENE

It was finals season.

ADEN

[CONCERNED] I can only drink one cup, and that still makes me shaky. Were you okay?

IRENE

Gonna be totally honest, I don’t remember a damn thing from those twenty-four hours.

[THERE’S A BRIEF PAUSE BEFORE THEY BOTH LAUGH FOR A FEW SECONDS.]

ADEN

[THROUGH FADING LAUGHTER] Okay, okay. Now you just need to set a profile pic.

IRENE

I mean, I don’t really take selfies ever.

ADEN

It doesn’t have to be a photo of your face. Do you have any pets?

IRENE

Not unless my dead betta fish from three years ago counts.

ADEN

Hm, okay. Some people just make it a color they like, or if you just have a nice photo in your camera roll you want to use, you could do that. Some people use characters they like, art pieces, pictures of buildings, yada, yada, yada. Just pick something.

IRENE

Where do you get all of your info about Instagram accounts, anyways?

ADEN

Oh, it was actually my minor in college. “Aesthetically Pleasing Profiles 101.”

[THEY BOTH LAUGH.]

ADEN

I’m joking, of course. It’s just…I don’t know, the internet was kind of a safe space for me for a while? When I first moved to Daughtler, I didn’t have many friends, and my constant state of anxiety was far from helpful. Online, I could be myself and find people with similar interests way easier than I could around town, without ever having to worry about my weird real-life mannerisms that might drive people away.

IRENE

[SINCERE] That makes a lot of sense. It’s good to have support like that. I, uh, probably could have used something like that in college, honestly. I just got kind of used to isolating myself after a while, I guess. [A BEAT.] Though, if it helps at all, I think you’re pretty cool offline, too.

ADEN

Thanks, Irene. [A BEAT.] So, about your profile pic.

IRENE

Do you think Carol would mind if I made it a picture of Mothman?

ADEN

I— [HE GIGGLES.] You know what? I think she’d think it’s cute. Do it.

[IRENE GIGGLES. SHE SETS THE PROFILE PIC.]

ADEN

Welcome to the digital world, Irene Gray.

IRENE

Please, I’m not a grandpa. I know how the internet works.

ADEN

I know, I know. I’m excited to see what you post, though.

IRENE

[THINKING] I honestly hadn’t given it much thought. I guess we’ll find out… if I remember to.

ADEN

Don’t think about it too hard, alright? Just be your authentic self.

IRENE

I’ll certainly try my best.

[PHONE BEEP.]

AUTOMATED VOICE

Today's quote is: "Love is a leash that goes both ways."

Becca De La Rosa in Mabel, Episode 36, 2019.

[OUTRO MUSIC AND CREDITS PLAY.]

[maximelebled]

2019 & 2020

Hello everyone! So yeah, this yearly blog post is about three... four months late... it covers two years now.

I did have a lot of things written last year, last time, but the more things have changed, the more I’ve realized that a lot of things I talked about on here... were because I lacked enough of a social life to want to open up on here.

In a less awkwardly-phrased way, what I’m saying is, I was coping.

Not an easy thing to admit to in public by any means, but I reckon it’s the truth. Over the past two years, I’ve made more of an effort to build better & healthier friendships, dial back my social media usage a bit (number 1 coping strategy), not tie all my friendships to games I play, especially Dota (number 2 coping strategy), so that I could be more emotionally healthy overall. 

Pictured: me looking a whole lot like @dril on the outside, although not so much on the inside. (Photo by my lovely partner.)

To some degree, I believe it’s important to be able to talk about yourself a bit more openly in a way that is generally not encouraged nor made easy on other social networks (looking at you, Twitter). I know that 2010-me would be scared to approach 2020-me; and it’s my hope that what I am writing here would not help him with that, but also help him become less of an insecure dweeb faster. 😉

Not that recent accomplishments have stopped me from being any less professionally anxious. Sometimes the impostor syndrome just morphs into... something else.

Anyway, what I’m getting at is, the first reason it took me until this year to finish last year’s post is because, with my shift in perspective, and these realizations about myself, I do want to keep a lot more things private... or rather, it’s that I don’t feel the need to share them anymore? And that made figuring out what to write a fair bit harder.

The other reason I didn’t write sooner is because, in 2018, I wrote my "year in review” post right before I became able to talk about my then-latest cool thing (my work on Valve’s 2018 True Sight documentary). So I then knew I’d have to bring it up in the 2019 post. But then, I was asked to work on the 2019 True Sight documentary, and I know it was going to air in late January 2020, so I was like, “okay, well, whatever, it, I’ll just write this yearly recap after that, so I don’t miss the coach this time”. So I just ended up delaying it again until I was like... “okay, whatever, I’ll just do both 2019 and 2020 in a single post.”

I think I can say I’ve had the privilege of a pretty good 2019, all things considered. And also of a decent 2020, given the circumstances. Overall, 2019 was a year of professional fulfillment; here’s a photo taken of me while I was managing the augmented reality system at The International 2019! (The $35 million dollar Dota 2 tournament that was held, this that year, in Shanghai.)

If I’d shown this to myself 10 years ago it would’ve blown my mind, so I guess things aren’t all that bad...!

I’ve brought up two health topics in these posts before: weight & sleep.

As for the first, the situation is still stable. If it is improving, it is doing so at a snail’s pace. But quite frankly, I haven’t put in enough effort into it overall. Even though I know my diet is way better than it was five or six years ago, I’ve only just really caught up with the “how it should have been the entire time” stage. It is a milestone... but not necessarily an impressive one. Learning to cook better things for myself has been very rewarding and fulfilling, though. It’s definitely what I’d recommend if you need to find a place to start.

As for sleep, throughout 2019, I continued living 25-hour days for the most part. There were a few weeks during which I slowed down the process, but it continued on going. Then, in late December of 2019, motivated by the knowledge that sleep is such a foundational pillar of your health, I figured I really needed to take things seriously, and I managed to go on a three month streak of mostly-stable sleep! (See the data above.)

Part of what helped was willingly stopping to use my desktop computer once it got too late in the day, avoiding Dota at the end of the day as much as possible, and anything exciting for that matter... and, as much as that sounds like the worst possible stereotype, trying to “listen to my body” and recognizing when I was letting stress and anxiety build up inside me, and taking a break or trying to relax.

Also, a pill of melatonin before going to bed; but even though it’s allegedly not a problem to take melatonin, I figured I should try to rely on it as little as possible.

Unfortunately, that “good sleep” streak was abruptly stopped by a flu-like illness... it might have been Covid-19. The symptoms somewhat matched up, but I was lucky: they were very mild. I fully recovered in just over a week. I coughed a bit, but not that much. If it really was that disease, then I got very lucky.

(Pictured: another photo by my lovely SO, somewhere in Auvergne.)

My sleep continued to drift back to its 25-hour rhythm, and I only started resuming these efforts towards the fall... mostly because living during the night felt like a better option with the summer heat (no AC here). I thought about doing that the other way (getting up at 3am instead of going to bed at 7am), and while it’d make more sense temperature-wise, that would have kept me awake when there were practically no people online, and I was trying to have a better social life then, even if had to be purely online due to the coronavirus, so... yeah.

I’ve been working from home since 2012! I also lived alone for a number of years since then. For the most part, it hasn’t been a great thing for my mental health. Having had a taste of what being in an office was like thanks to a couple weeks in the Valve offices, I had the goal of beginning to apply at a few places here and there in March/April. Then the pandemic hit, so those plans are dead in the water. I wanted 2020 to be the year in which I’d finally stop being fully remote, but those plans are now dead in the water.

Now, at the end of the year, I don’t really know if I want to apply at any places. There’s a small handful of studios whose work really resonates with me, creatively speaking, and whose working conditions seem to be alright, at least from what I hear... but, and I swear I’m saying this in the least braggy way possible... there’s very little that beats having been able to work on what I want, when I want, and how much I want.

This kind of freelance status can be pretty terrifying sometimes, but I’ve managed (with some luck, of course) to reach a safe balance, a point at which I’ve effectively got this luxury of being able to only really work on what I want, and never truly overwork myself (at least by the standards of most of the gaming industry). It’s a big privilege and I feel like it’d take a lot to give it up.

Besides the things I mentioned before, one thing I did that drastically improved my mental health was being introduced to a new lovely group of friends by my partner! I started playing Dungeons & Dragons with them, every weekend or so! And in the spirit of a rising tide lifting all boats, I managed to also give back to our lovely DM, by being a sort of “AM” (audio manager)... It’s been great having something to look forward to every week.

Something to look forward to... I’ve heard about the concept of “temporal anchors”. I had heard about how the reason our adult years suddenly pass by in a blur is because we now have more “time” that’s already in our brains, but now I’m more convinced that it’s because we’re going from a very school routine such as the one schools impose upon us, to, well... practically nothing.

I thought most of my years since 2011 have been a blur, but none have whooshed by like 2020 has, and I reckon part of that is because I’ve (obviously) gone out far far less, and most importantly there wasn’t The Big Summer Event That The International Is, the biggest yearly “temporal anchor” at my disposal. The anticipation and release of those energies made summer feel a fair bit longer... and this year, summer was very much a blur for me. In and out like the wind.

I guess besides that, I haven’t really had that much trouble with being locked down. I had years of training for that, after all. Doesn’t feel like I can complain. 😛

(Pictured: trip to Chicago in January of 2019... right when the polar vortex hit!)

Work was good in 2019, and sparser in 2020. Working with Valve again after the 2018 True Sight was a very exciting opportunity. At the time, in February of 2019, I was out with my partner on little holiday trips around my region, and, after night fell, on the way back, we decided to stop in a wide open field, on a tiny countryside path, away from the cities, to try and do some star-gazing, without light pollution getting in the way.

And it’s there and then that I received their message, while looking at the stars with my SO! The timing and location turned that into a very vivid memory...

I then got to spend a couple weeks in their offices in late April / early May. I was able to bring my partner along with me to Washington State, and we did some sightseeing on the weekends.

(Pictured: part of a weekend trip in Washington. This was a dried up lakebed.)

After that, I worked on the Void Spirit trailer in the lead to The International. In August, those couple weeks in Shanghai were intense. Having peeked behind the curtain and seen everything that goes into production really does give me a much deeper appreciation for all the work that goes unseen. 

Then after that, in late 2019, there was my work on the yearly True Sight documentary, for the second time. In 2018, I’d been tasked with making just two animated sequences, and I was very nervous since that was my first time working directly with Valve; my work then was fairly “sober”, for lack of a better term.

(Pictured: view from my hotel room in Shanghai.)

For the 2019 edition, I had double the amount of sequences on my plate, and they were very trusting of me, which was very reassuring. I got to be more technically ambitious, I let my style shine through (you know... if it’s got all these gratuitous light beams, etc.), and it was real fun to work on.

At the premiere in Berlin, I was sitting in the middle of the room (in fact, you could spot me in the pre-show broadcast behind SirActionSlacks; unfortunately I had forgotten to bring textures for my shirt). Being in that spot when my shots started playing, and hearing people laughing and cheering at them... that’s an unforgettable memory. The last time I had experienced something like that was having my first Dota short film played at KeyArena in 2015, the laughter of the crowd echoing all around me... I was shaking in my seat. Just remembering it gets my heart pumping, man. It’s a really unique feeling.

So I’m pretty happy with how that work came out. I came out of it having learned quite a few new tricks too, born out of necessity from my technical ambitions. Stuff I intend to put to use again. I’m really glad that the team I worked with at Valve was so kind and great to work with. After the premiere, I received a few more compliments from them... and I did reply, “careful! You might give me enough confidence to apply!”, to which one of them replied, “you totally should, man.” But I still haven’t because I’m a massive idiot, haha. Well, I still haven’t because I don’t think I’m well-rounded enough yet. And also because, like I alluded to before, I think I’m in a pretty good situation as it is.

It’s not the first encouragements I had received from them, too; there had been a couple people from the Dota team who, at the end of my two week stay in the offices, while I was on my way out, told me I should try applying. But again, I didn’t apply because I’m a massive idiot.

(Pictured: view from the Valve offices.)

To be 200% frank, even though there’s been quite a few people who’ve followed my work throughout the years, comments on Reddit and YouTube, etc. who’ve all said things along the lines of “why aren’t you working for them ?”, well... it’s not something I ever really pursued. I know it’s a lot of people’s dream job, but I never saw it that way. I feel like, if it ever happened to me... sure, that could be cool! But I don’t know if it’s something I really want, or even that I should want?

And if you add “being unsure” to what I consider to be a lack of experience in certain things, well... I really don’t think I’d be a good candidate (yet?), and having seen how busy these people are on the inside, the last thing I want to do is waste their time with a bad application. That would be the most basic form of courtesy I can show to them.

Besides, Covid-19 makes applying to just about any job very hard, if not outright impossible right now. And for a while longer, I suspect.

(Pictured: the Tuilière & Sanadoire rocks.)

I’m still unhappy about the amount of “actual animation” I get to do overall since I like to work on just about every step of the process in my videos, but well. It’s getting better. One thing I am happy with though, is “solving problems”. And new challenges. Seeking the answers to them, and making myself be able to see those problems, alongside entire projects, from a more “holistic” way, that is to say, not missing the forest for the trees.

It’s hard to explain, and even just the use of the term “holistic” sounds like some kind of pompous cop-out... but looking back on how I handled projects 5 years ago vs. now, I see the differences in how I think about problems a lot. And to some extent I do have my time on Valve contracts to thank a LOT in helping me progress there.

Anyway, I’m currently working on a project that I’m very interested & creativefuly fulfilled by. But it has nothing to do with animation nor Dota, for a change! There are definitely at least two other Dota short films I want to make, though. We’ll see how that goes.

Happy new year & take care y’all.

[dxmedstudent]

DX update

So you may remember that I’ve been self-isolating for COVID-19 type symptoms. I’ve been looking after confirmed patients (albeit the mildly affected ones who are wardable), so it’s pretty likely this is the real deal, even thuogh it’s too late to test me, now. I’m doing OK - this is not a scary Boris-style update. I just thought since I haven’t spoken much that I should let you all know that I’m doing OK. My symptoms are mostly better - the myalgia and headaches have mostly died down, though they were pretty annoying at their worst. I described it as feeling like an Ent - waking up in the afternoon  was a pain because you just didn’t want to get out of bed if it made you feel sore and creaky. I only got up and about because I didn’t want a DVT.  The abdominal symptoms are bearable but still nigglingly present. I can’t wait for my tummy to stop feeling achey and upset - but since I have IBS I’m used to that enough that it’s no biggie.  I’m not feverish any more. I feel less SOB, though I only felt mildly so at times - like you’re a bit more out of puff than usual. The cough is mostly better, but sometimes it kicks off again pretty annoyingly.  I’ve walked out of this without my sense of smell, but that’s likely to come back, eventually. If this is all I have to sacrifice during this pandemic, then I’m lucky.  I feel generally less shitty -  I was feeling pretty sorry for myself at the beginning of the week but I feel much more myself, now. I’m still probably really tired - I haven’t had a chance to test my stamina since I got ill because all I’m allowed to do is stay in my room. But I have a feeling that when I go back to work I’m going to feel really wiped. What’s it like having likely coronavirus? In my case, like the flu. Shitty, but not life-threateningly so. And yet, the thing they don’t warn you about is how it’ll play on your mind - knowing that you might be one of the unlucky ones to get really sick. And knowing that you have to try your best not to infect anyone. One of my dear friends is also going through it, and the fear is real.  The worst thing is that usually when you’re ill people want to come round and make you feel better, but when you’re likely to have coronavirus that’s usually the worst thing that can happen. Unfortunately, you still have all the same instincts to seek love and reassurance that you usually have when you are sick - so you know that you should stay alone, but you might still crave being taken care of, or at least kept company. Because the people we love make us feel better.

Review: 2/10 stars. I would not recommend getting coronavirus. 2 stars because it scores you a few days off work, but you have to stay at home and you’ll probably feel miserable. I’ve been trapped in a flat I’m not fond of (It’s OK but not exactly home) for a week, even though the weather is nice and I’d love to go outside. Though fortunately I’m very well supplied with food and medicine and entertainment. I’ve been talking daily with family, the Guy and my friends, all of whom have done their best to entertain me and make me take care of myself. I’ve been sleeping a lot. A lot. I haven’t really had the energy to do anything but sleep and play games, TBH. When I’ve dragged myself out of bed to video chat with loved ones or take part in activities like playing games, or a virtual pub quiz with his friends, I’ve recuperated by zonking out the rest of the time. I might look quite functional at a distance, but that’s only because I’ve been sleeping almost all the rest of the time. My family call me every day to make sure I’m alive - they see the stories of nurses in their 30s suddenly dying, and it’s very real to them. I feel bad for them - if it was my kid sick with coronavirus I’d probably be scared, too. But I can’t do anything to take the worries away, when none of us know what the long term sequelae might be. I am glad they didn’t tell my relatives until I was much better - I really don’t want my entire extended social circle to think I’m dying, and there’s really no need for everyone to stress over me. My siblings have been encouraging my Animal Crossing obsession. It’s not th only game I’ve been playing in isolation, but it’s something that’s been easy to play even when I feel pretty rotten.  It happened to come out at just the right time to make me feel better, and that’s pretty lucky. My friends check in every day - they reminded me that I won our sweepstake on ‘who catches coronavirus first’ - sadly there is no prize unless you count myalgia as a win.  We spend the days sharing useful information about coronavirus, but also just trying to keep each other sane. Another of my friends is sick, and she seems to have gone down a bit worse than  I  have, so I hope she gets well soon. Colleagues are going down in their droves, according to our sickness reporting group, but I don’t know how unwell most of them are. I hope they are doing OK.  I haven’t managed to catch up with everyone I care about yet, because messaging gets kind of overwhelming when you don’t feel great. I worry about a lot of people, but I can’t keep up with everyone right now, so I’ve had to take my time and conserve my energy. Still, I’ve been checking in with as many friends as I can, and so far almost everyone is doing OK. I’m hoping to keep connected with as many of them as I can, and already planning things to do with them. The Guy checks up on how I’m feeling daily. He’s much more zen about things, and his approach is always “If I can’t change it, I should try not to stress about it”. Which means he took our separation better than me, at least when I was feeling sick. I think that’s partly because whilst  he hopes this may be over shortly, I know it’s going to be a long haul. Though he does have to tell me to take it easy and look after myself every day so I guess he’s not stress free XD I know this must be stressful for him, too but he can’t change the risks I’m facing. That said, he’s more the quiet, practical sort, anyway. So rather than moping, he suggests playing games or watching things together and invites me to whatever he’s doing with his friends - he did before, whenever I was around, but now that everything’s online it’s easier to be there. Now that his friends have transferred to roll20 under the lockdown, he’s invited me to join their DnD campaign because he knows how much I miss DnD - and him.  It’s funny how little things can make a big difference, when they are all you have to look forward to. I haven’t been looking forward to my days off, at all because I no longer had stuff to do - but he and I try to book activities on weekend days so it still feels special. My friends are a lot busier than his (because medics) so we haven’t done as much though we talk often, but I’m grateful that his friends have basically adopted me.  As a left over from my friendless days I always feel a bit awkward joining a group or making friends but they’ve been very welcoming and that makes me happy because I know it makes him happy. At first I felt like an impostor in all their group chats (guys, have you arrived in a relationship when you’re in nearly all the group chats? I’m pretty sure that’s a milestone or something), but I’m gradually accepting that they genuinely don’t mind me being there. Which is nice. They mean a lot to him, so I respect them and want to be a good friend, and I genuinely like them too.

I’m looking forward to going back to work. I’m not sure I’m 100% over this - I’m fine from a rules point of view, I’m just not 100% better. But I have to try and see how I get on. I need to be occupied and useful, because otherwise I’m just going to stress and sleep all day and feel mildly guilty about being sick. Which I’ve been told I should not be feeling, but there it is.  We’ll see how things go.

[kaycmoney]

I Need Money Now – 25 Safe Ways To Get Cash Fast

Do you need money today? Times like these — when you’ve suddenly been hit with an emergency or an unexpected expense — can be stressful and overwhelming. But there are options.

Just remember: the cure for stress is action. The quicker you commit to taking concrete steps to solve the challenges you’re facing, the better you and your wallet will feel.

The good news is that with a little bit of creativity and hustle, you can get yourself out of the situation you’re in and prevent this kind of financial crunch from ever happening again.

Read through this list of viable, safe ways to get money fast. They’ll work today, but they can also serve as a solid foundation for building a better financial future.

Ideas To Make Extra Money In Less Than A Week

When it comes to needing money urgently, there are three strategies to pursue. You can borrow money, make money, or save money in a way that frees up cash flow today.

These strategies are not mutually exclusive. Depending on your situation, it may make sense to pursue all three today.

Keep in mind, however, that it’s best to avoid borrowing money if at all possible. Often, people in emergency financial situations take out expensive loans with bad terms. These loans may help them meet their immediate needs, but will only cause more problems down the road.

That said, the ideas below are broken down into three different categories:

Ideas to make extra money in less than a week.

How to save big money in a cash crunch.

The best (and worst) ways to borrow short-term money.

Without further ado, let’s find you some cash fast.

Leverage The Gig Economy

For most gig economy jobs, it may take a day or two to get approved and start making money. Once you do get approved though, having the option to earn money on-demand is quite nice.

Here are 10 popular gig economy jobs that allow you to make money on demand. If you have any interest at all, apply now; by taking action, you’ll avoid the “I need money today” desperation in the future. You can also check out our list of the highest-paying gig economy jobs for more options.

#1 — Postmates

Postmates is one of the fastest ways to get started making money in the gig economy. As a Postmates courier, you’ll deliver groceries, food from restaurants, and other miscellaneous items.

With Postmates, you can work literally whenever you want (as little or as much as you want), and you can cash out instantly after earning money. That means you can work for a few hours one afternoon and have that cash in your bank account the same day.

One of the unique things about Postmates is that it’s one of the few freelance delivery services that allows you to deliver by foot. This is really only a viable option in very dense urban areas, such as New York City and San Francisco. But if you live near such a location, it can be a decent way to make some quick money without a vehicle.

Learn more about Postmates.

#2 — Airbnb

You can earn money fast renting out your place on Airbnb. Stay with friends or your folks while your place is booked. (Your mom thinks you don’t visit enough anyway…)

Payments for Airbnb sellers are released 24 hours after your guests check in.

Think your place isn’t nice enough? Think again. You can offer everything from full homes to basement couches. You might not earn top dollar for the latter, but rates for shared rooms still tend to be around $30 per night, even in remote areas.

Learn more about Airbnb.

#3 — Instacart

Instacart is an online grocery shopping and delivery company. There are two types of work available on the platform.

In-store shopper: A part-time job as an employee of Instacart. You’ll work inside grocery stores, hand picking and packing customers’ online grocery orders and handing them off for delivery.

Because this is a part-time position, you’ll earn a consistent wage, but it will be on the lower end of the spectrum. Since you’re working in-store, you don’t need a vehicle.

Full-service shopper: An independent contractor (i.e., a freelancer). As a full-service shopper, Instacart will send customer orders to your smartphone. You’ll then go to the assigned store, pick and pack the items on their shopping list, and deliver the order directly to their door.

You’ll earn per-order commissions based on the time it takes you to complete the delivery (as well as the driving distance from the store), plus customer tips. That means you have the potential to make more money than in-store shoppers. However, since the work is dependent upon demand, it can be less consistent.

In general, full-service shoppers make around $10 to $20 per hour. Unfortunately, unlike with Postmates, you’ll be paid weekly and there’s currently no option for instant withdrawal.

Learn more about Instacart.

#4 — TaskRabbit

TaskRabbit is a gig economy platform that helps connect people looking for help with odd jobs and those looking for short-term, on-demand work.

Taskers — as TaskRabbit freelancers are called — perform every kind of work under the sun. You’ll find typical day labor tasks like running errands, picking up and delivering items, and doing yard work. But you’ll also find less common things, like assembling IKEA furniture and even just standing in line.

Here’s an example: whenever Nike releases new limited-edition sneakers, resellers will pay Taskers to show up at stores hours early and hold a spot in line.

No matter what your experience or skillset is, chances are you can find a way to make money on the site.

Learn more about TaskRabbit.

#5 — DoorDash

Like Postmates, DoorDash is a food delivery service that allows freelancers to work (almost) on-demand, picking up and delivering customers’ orders from local establishments. I say “almost” because DoorDash does have a scheduling system; you have to sign up for shifts (which you can choose), and failing to consistently go online during your shifts can get you kicked off the platform.

However, one perk about DoorDash is that if you live in an area where it has a consistent stream of orders, the payout tends to be a bit better than Postmates. Also, each time you’re offered a delivery (via a notice on your smartphone), you’ll see a minimum guaranteed payout amount, and you can choose to accept or decline the job.

As with Postmates, “Dashers” can get paid daily, although there is a $1.99 instant cash-out fee.

Learn more about DoorDash.

#6 — Rover

Love dogs and need a quick way to make money? Rover might be the perfect option. Think of Rover like Uber for dogs; you’ll visit customers’ homes at designated times and take their dog for a walk.

Average pay is about $15 per hour, although you’ll do slightly better if you live in an urban area, or a place where there’s enough demand that you can take two or three dogs out for a stroll at the same time.

Learn more about Rover.

#7 — Tutoring

Good tutors are always in demand. EF Education First is an online education company that connects qualified freelance tutors with kids all over the world who are striving to learn English.

As an EF tutor, you’ll have clients assigned to you and all the necessary teaching materials will be provided. Base pay starts as high as $20 per hour, and you can earn bonuses by reaching teaching milestones (like 100 classes taught).

To become an EF tutor, you do need a bachelor’s degree (in any field) but no teaching experience is required as EF considers all aspects of your resume and professional background.

Learn more about EF Education First.

#8 — Turo

Turo is like Airbnb for car owners. When you sign up, you can list your car and rent it on a daily basis for cash. This can be surprisingly lucrative, and is one of the few options on the list that often works out better for people who live in rural areas (where there’s a lower supply of available rental cars).

Also, the type of car you own can really boost your earnings. Obviously, people are willing to pay a premium to rent a convertible. But other types of vehicles can also bring in above-average rates. One prime example is minivans, which are highly-sought by families on vacation but are often sold out at commercial car rental locations.

Learn more about Turo.

#9 — Uber

Uber is one of the most popular gig economy jobs. As an Uber driver, you’ll make money by picking up passengers and driving them to their desired destination. The rates vary by location and demand; for example, prices are usually higher when it’s raining. You’ll usually earn better rates in cities, but you can also do well in rural areas where rides tend to be longer.

Uber also has a service called Uber Eats, which allows you to pick up food orders from local restaurants and bring them directly to customers at their home or workplace. If you’re in an area with strong demand, you can often make slightly better per-hour rates with Uber Eats as compared to traditional Uber. And if you don’t have a car, Uber Eats allows you to deliver via bicycle or scooter.

One of the best perks about Uber is that once you’re approved, the company will send you a special debit card issued by GoBank. Having this card allows you to cash out your earnings and get paid instantly — that means you can drive for a few hours and immediately access your funds, with no waiting or clearance periods.

Another perk is that you can work whenever you want, with no restrictions or limitations. There are no schedules on minimum/maximum hours — it can be either a full-time or part-time job on the weekends, depending upon your needs.

Learn more about Uber.

#10 — Fiverr

Fiverr is a marketplace where you can sell services — which are called “gigs” — for as little as $5 (and for as much as you want). Some popular gigs on Fiverr are services such as proofreading, website design, data entry, and miscellaneous virtual assistant jobs.

But it’s a great forum for creatives of all types, as you can monetize almost any skill or talent. Keep in mind, however, that it takes three weeks from the time the client accepts your work for your earnings to clear and become available for transfer to your bank account or PayPal.

Learn more about Fiverr.

Sell Something On Craigslist, Facebook, EBay Or Other Marketplaces

Aside from the options above, your best bet for fast cash is to sell an asset you own.

To do that, you’ll want to:

Sell something that has a lot of demand

List your item on a marketplace with many active buyers

Some of the best marketplaces to list on are:

Craigslist

eBay

Facebook Marketplace

OfferUp

Here are some of the best options for selling specific types of items.

Books:Have extra books lying around? Head to a used book store to cash them in. Make sure to call ahead to ask if they’re buying books right now. For those that live in a state with a Half-Priced Books (120+ locations across the U.S.), they’ll give you cash on the spot.

Clothes:Plato’s Closet gives you cash on the spot for used clothes. The one catch here is that the store is aimed at teens and young adults, and only buys new and lightly-worn threads from in-style name brands.

If you’re a bit older and have designer items that might not be a fit for Plato’s, check out The Real Real. You might hate to part with something like a designer handbag or shoes, but just one such item can fetch a pretty penny if it’s still in great condition.

DVDs and other random stuff: Many people are surprised to hear this, but Amazon allows private sellers to list items like used DVDs, books, games, LEGOs and tech on its site. You can even opt-in to the company’s Fulfillment by Amazon program (FBA), which means you’ll send the items to an Amazon warehouse and they’ll take care of shipping them to the customer.

Electronics:If you have old electronics lying around (especially cell phones), a good marketplace to sell them on is Gazelle. What’s nice is that you’ll know the price ahead of time; as soon as you enter your device’s details, you’ll see a flat-rate offer.

Everything else: Try a pawn shop, which will usually buy almost anything of value. Of course, you’re not going to get maximum value for selling items at a pawn shop, but you will indeed get cash on the spot. Items that sell well are:

Precious metals and jewelry

Popular tech (phones, tablets, cameras, and e-readers)

Collectibles

Do your research beforehand to understand the value of what you’re wanting to sell. This allows you to negotiate better. Also, if you have the time, visit more than one pawn shop for a quote — and don’t fall for the “this offer is only good right now” speech; pawn shops need to buy items to make money… if they made you an offer once, they’ll more than likely make the same offer later.

Don’t forget about yard sales, the OG method for selling things quickly. If you don’t get any good offers from the options listed above, garage sales or yard sales are still an effective way to generate cash quickly. Plan your sale for a Friday and Saturday to maximize revenue. You’ll be surprised how many people still attend these sales.

Related reading: The Best Craigslist Alternatives for Buying and Selling

Do A Bonus Round Of Survey Companies

There are dozens of legit websites that pay you to share your opinion. You can’t make a lot of money this way, but you can definitely earn some extra cash relatively quickly — especially if you use a strategy called “the bonus round.”

With the bonus round, you sign up for sites that offer a new-member bonus and complete just the minimum amount of work necessary to cash out. For example, Swagbucks offers you a $10 sign-up bonus with a minimum withdrawal of $25.

Here are two survey sites with bonus offers that pay cash, along with the minimum amount to withdraw.

Swagbucks

$10 sign-up bonus

$25 minimum withdrawal through PayPal

Sign up for Swagbucks

MyPoints

$5 sign-up bonus (after completing five surveys)

$25 minimum withdrawal through PayPal

Sign up for MyPoints

[falneou17]

May 2015 - May 2020

No, this is not announcing my retirement or whatever. It’s just that after doing anything for a couple years, there will come a time when you start to look back and see how far you have come in those years. All the highs and lows, all the milestones and all the achievements.

And I kind of wanted to do something like this for a while; this is not the first time that I looked back at the time I have been writing fanfiction (and I am sure it won’t be the last), but I still want to, you know... document this. Share it in case there are people out there who are interested to see my perspective on this.

I am actually going to start to the time before I was writing fanfiction, because fanfiction was actually not my first experience with writing fiction; I actually wrote a collab original story with my good childhood friend Blue-san back in late-2012/early-2013. I can’t quite remember the date and Blue-san has since closed down her website she hosted it on, but it was in that era.

Shortly after that, in early-mid 2013 I wrote my own original story. I think I might still have it saved somewhere. As a matter of fact, actually, Falneou17′s name comes from that story. Well, the Falneou part anyway; seventeen’s just one of my fave numbers, both back then and right now.

Late-2013 and the year 2014 were both really busy and really weird for me, so I kind of pulled away from writing. That was until early 2015 (around February if I remember correctly) when I was feeling nostalgic and I looked up Pokemon fanfiction. Okay, to be fair, at the time I was looking for Pokemon fanworks in general, but it quickly gravitated towards fanfiction in particular. More specifically, Pokemon Special fanfiction, which was also the time when I read the stories of the six fanfiction writers who inspired me to write fanfiction. Of these six, only 1358456 is still writing, and while I will freely admit that I haven’t been reading her fics since I left the Pokemon Special fandom, I can wholeheartedly recommend her fics!

And that was pretty much how it began, I opened a fanfiction.net account in May 2015 and published my very first fanfiction (for Pokemon Special), Specialventure Academy which was my attempt at a high school AU for this franchise in the early days of the following month. Did it age well? No way XD but it did give me a lot of experience that helped me not only grow but also start out as a writer.

Like, most notably I think, it showed me the error in trying to incorporate everybody at the time (as BW2 wasn’t finished when I wrote that fanfiction and wouldn’t be for years to come, it would “only” have up to BW cast... which, as it included Lyra, Wally, Cherren, and Bianca, got the total to nineteen... yeah...). I think I realized this and tried to rectify my mistake in the second third of the story? Speaking of mistakes, another mistake I made with this story that really helped me grow was learning that my readers’ wishes and hopes did not mean I had to change my writing. Writing to make them happy was one thing, but I remember actively changing parts of my stories at the time to try and please everybody. Which, of course, is impossible (if you have readers who love Yellow and those who hate Yellow, for instance, how can you compromise to please everybody?).

This so far has only been about Specialventure, I haven’t even talked about the other fics in this era. For me, the three biggest fics in the 2015-2016 Pokemon Special era were, aside from Specialventure, Night of the Black Sun and Crimson Sunlight.

Black Sun was a really ambitious attempt for me at the time, not only because of what the story was trying to do but also because it would be my third multi-chapter fic I would be writing at the same time (alongside the other two fics I just mentioned). ‘Controversial’ is probably the wrong word, but Black Sun was definitely... polarizing. It’s also the only fanfiction of mine at the time (and only one of two to this day as of writing this) that received rude negative reviews. And because it was the first fic that received this... distinction... it hit quite hard, but I also feel like that made me realize not only the things that I did wrong but also that what I did had a big enough impact that it could affect other people that much. I think it is fair for me to say that the mistakes I made with Black Sun would not reappear in any of my other fanfictions after that... at least not to the same extent.

The third and final most memorable Pokemon Special fanfiction in this era, for me, was Crimson Sunlight. For the BanG Dream readers: no, this has nothing to do with either Scarlet Sunlight or Shining Sunlight, we’ll get to those soon enough. Looking back, from a writer’s perspective, Crimson definitely felt like it had a drop in quality, but at the same time it also felt the most... accomplished... of the three fanfiction. And Crimson basically taught me two things, I feel... it emphasized the importance of having a story’s plot planned out and it showcased how fluid the story could be if I were to focus on as few characters as possible (Crimson, being based on and inspired by konbu’s doujinshi titled How Far Are You?, focused on Red and Yellow and only Red and Yellow). And, out of the Pokemon fics in this first year era, Crimson is definitely the story I feel didn’t necessarily age the best but it is definitely the one I look back at the fondest.

The time around the end of 2015 and the start of 2016 I remember there were a few big things happening to me. Let’s talk chronologically: the first big thing that happened (that has no direct effect on my fanfiction, but I never said this post was to only look back on the fanfiction-specific times in the last half decade) was that I got promoted to moderator on the forums of JB2448′s site (the forums has since been taken down in... mid-2017? Mid-2017 sounds about right...), but the actual site is still live for those who want to use it to read Pokemon manga. I think this is worth noting because it would really hammer the point that what I did and said had an impact and that I had to be mindful of what I said online as a result...

The other notable thing that happened was that I got introduced to RWBY by DaPokemonMadster. There may have been more people involved, but Mads was definitely the one whose efforts to drag me into RWBY is the vividest... most vivid? It’s the one I remember the most, let’s keep it at that. This moment was significant for multiple reasons, I feel; not only did it open the doors to a new fandom, but it also sparked the birth of not only my longest oneshot at the time, White Rose Valentine, but also the fanfiction that would turn writing fanfiction for me upside-down: Field of Tomorrow. More than any other multi-chapter fanfiction I have ever published, even more so than Black Sun and Specialventure, Field of Tomorrow has been the biggest turning point for me in terms of writing and in terms of where I can say my writing got a big jump in quality (as arrogant as it is to say that). Despite the fact that, you know... FoT got officially discontinued earlier this year...

The writing, the story, the characterization... FoT introduced me to the ease of writing of both Weiss Schnee and Blake Belladonna (who would later become the base for another very notable character for me) as well as Neo (who would later become the base for yet another very notable character for me), but FoT did something else as well: beta readers. Before this point in time I would either publish the chapter right away (which, if you are a new/aspiring writer: don’t do that) or try to edit it myself. But, as I am sure every single writer can attest to: there is only so much editing that a writer can do on their own. And FoT really showed the difference between a chapter that I would edit by myself and a chapter that had a beta reader look at. It was phenomenal and a really big eye opener and I cannot thank Namitaa776 and LightZephyr enough.

The final fanfic that I can remember really fondly in this first year (I can’t believe I have written this much down already and we haven’t passed the first year yet) would be my one-year anniversary oneshot A Silver Lining. The Pokemon fanfiction that I think aged the best and would be partly the base for a fanfiction I am well known for in the BanG Dream! fandom. Before this point, I did not have any fanfiction deal directly with death before. I had danced around it a couple of times, but this oneshot was the first one to actively explore the possibilities... and to truly open the door to the “Angst” genre of the site... as a matter of fact, if it wasn’t for A Silver Lining, I might never have delved as much in the Angst genre as I have. So... thank you, A Silver Lining, for that opportunity. Even if I really hate the ending, but oh well... I think I was afraid that people would hate it if I were to go all in with it which is why I ended the oneshot like I did. I learned my lesson as the BanG Dream! fandom can attest to...

The rest of 2016 (the calendar year anyway) proceeded relatively uneventfully fanfiction-wise. I continued my multi-chapter fanfics that were ongoing, wrapped up Specialventure in August of 2016 and decided to stay mainly in the RWBY fandom because I felt the RWBY fandom gave me better reader interactions and reviews and such than Pokemon did. Specialventure definitely got the advantage in terms of view count, but the number of views a RWBY chapter would get on the day it got uploaded always baffled me. Then and now... especially since I was never a really big RWBY writer to begin with...

The good reader interaction in RWBY was, of course, until I published the fanfiction that I so very often call the fanfiction that did the worst. My fourth-most favorited (41), my third-most followed (35), my fourth-most viewed fanfiction on the site at the time of writing... Frozen Tears got one review. That was really demoralizing--okay, no, let me rephrase that. It was nice to see the counters of viewership and faves and follows rise up, but FT was definitely the fanfiction that made me realize that an effectively high review counter is what I wanted and that I had to find a new fandom to write for. I am sure a lot of writers can agree with me here: we like it when our fanfics get views, we love it when people fave them, but we absolutely adore it when people leave reviews.

As it so happened, the summer of 2016 was huge for me in terms of finding new franchises to like and watch. Most notably out of these, I got into Railgun, Index, Accel World, and my first of a handful of idol franchises: Love Live. Accel World is the only franchise I just mentioned that I have not written anything for, but fans of the franchise should be able to find plenty of references I made to that show. With both Pokemon and RWBY effectively behind me, I now had options for my third fandom...

Then we arrive in the year 2017, which I think... yeah, in terms of calendar year it was definitely my most memorable year. Let’s start with the fanfiction, because 2017 had a bunch of really notable fics for me.

The first thing of 2017 I want to mention is the Saten Ruiko Day Countdown that I did in 2017: a series of oneshots that would lead up to Saten Ruiko Day (10 March). They weren’t just any oneshots; no, they were all oneshots for a different franchise dedicated to LightZephyr and beta read by Namitaa776 (for those wondering why I didn’t do anything like it for Nami: I did something else for her that I didn’t publish for the whole world to see). Looking back, the oneshots themselves would be... they would be okay... decent... ‘good’ at best, probably. But on top of everything, they would be like a trial run of sorts to test out the different fandoms. Giving me a chance to see how writing for each would go and how the fandoms would react to my writing. The one that did the “best”, so to say, is by far the one for Love Live, but (and this is what is interesting to me) the ones for RWBY and Pokemon were actually the ones I think did the worst (both only receiving a single review). You know... the two fandoms I had already written for... low blow, Pokemon and RWBY, low blow...

But the oneshot I wrote for Love Live isn’t the one that’s most memorable for me. This is because I would receive a certain PM a few months later from BigTAnderson. He wanted to do a fanfiction reading of one my fanfiction for this countdown (A Step Back In The Shadows). And I was really happy with this; not only did somebody else wanted to do something with/for something that I did, but this felt more memorable than an average review of “I LOVE IT!” to me. It was confirmation that I was doing something right. And, unless I am badly mistaken, I think this is the first time somebody would do something with one of my fanfics. I know Reiriniverse would go on to regularly make the cover art for my fanfictions, but I am pretty sure that this fanfiction reading would be the first work based on one of my fanfics that anyone has ever done for me. And that is something one won’t easily forget, so if you miraculously are reading this BigTAnderson: thank you :)

The next notable thing of 2017 is probably my most polarizing act since publishing Night of the Black Sun in 2015: officially moving away from Pokemon and officially joining BanG Dream (not in that order, admittedly). The BanG Dream fandom at the time was only a couple weeks old, but it really was a big contrast to my time in Pokemon Special. In Pokemon Special, as you would already know if you’ve read this far, I had role models. I had people I could follow and learn characterization and figure out story ideas and such by reading their stories. BanG Dream had nothing of the sort. As a matter of fact, I ended up becoming the writer of both the first English published BanG Dream fanfiction on the site (A Step Back, 2 April 2017) and the first published English multi-chapter BanG Dream fanfiction on the site (The Times We Lost, 10 April 2017) during a time period when we still didn’t know much about... I want to say at least a third of the characters at the time? Maybe even half now that I think about it... As a matter of fact, to put it into perspective: the first chapter of TTWL was published (not written, published) before the end of the second in-game event story on the Japanese server (because... we only had the Japanese server back then).

I am not going to be arrogant and say that I hope I can inspire an aspiring BanG Dream fanfiction writer as much as someone like 1358456 has inspired me, but... the realization that I would have to pave my own way in this fandom without having landmarks to aim for was a big deal at the time. Even today, this realization catches me off-guard every once in a while knowing that I am the only BanG Dream writer who published something in 2017 who still publishes on the site for this fandom to this day.

Another big thing that happened in 2017 was that I got admitted to the hospital and would have to spend half a year to recover from it, effectively making me miss out on an entire semester. ...oh yeah, I probably did not mention this before, but the entire period of writing fanfiction for me up to this point was done while I was a full-time university student. This semester off was honestly a blessing in disguise for me as it forced me into a position where I couldn’t do much... so to eat away at the time I needed to rest I would end up writing fanfiction. Which is part of the reason why The Times We Lost and The Times We Lost Collection could be updated and uploaded as fast as they did. And I definitely remember both very fondly, especially since I had to extrapolate a lot of the characters’ characterization as we did not have much to go on. Remember how I mentioned two very notable characters earlier back in FoT? Yeah... my experience with Weiss, Blake, and Neo in my FoT days definitely helped a lot with getting a base going for both Mitake Ran and Aoba Moca in the days before we had their first event story.

As I mentioned earlier, TTWL and, by extension, TTWLC, will always have a big place in my heart. They’re technically an AU where I had to be very careful with how I wrote the characters... at the same time having a ton of freedom to do so as not a lot was confirmed/denied about them. A cute example would be the different hairstyle I had for one of the characters... which ended up becoming confirmed in canon (in a flashback, admittedly) a few months after she appeared with that hairstyle in my fanfiction. TTWL also set the stage, so to say, for my time here in the BanG Dream fandom and it carved my niche as an Afterglow-centric writer who is able to write both fluff and angst for the girls. Not to mention that TTWL was literally the first multi-chapter BanG Dream fanfiction we have on the site.

Collection ended up being written because TTWL had to extrapolate a lot. It had to make this new realm of reality with headcanons and theories and such that went into writing TTWL to try and make the characters feel alive. Some ended up becoming confirmed, some were debunked, but to allow future readers of TTWL to truly understand where I was going and why I wrote the characters the way I did, I knew I had to make a sort-of prequel to TTWL. Which is pretty much what Collection was: a collection of oneshots that were mainly set prior to the events of TTWL to try and explain all the headcanons and theories I ended up using in the TTWL. Most of these, by the way, still live on in other fanfictions of mine to this day.

Next up: 2017 was my first successful attempt at the NaNoWriMo. For people who don’t know, NaNoWriMo involves writing fifty-thousand words in thirty days (equating to an average of 1667 words each day). I wanted to do it for BanG Dream, I really did, but I wasn’t confident I knew enough about the BanG Dream characters at the time to succeed in NaNoWriMo. Instead, I decided to go with something Railgun-based and The Nighttime Terror of Academy City was born. It honestly was so much fun writing that I ended up writing well above the targeted average each day (although I probably will never be able to replicate that effort); writing seventeen hundred, eighteen hundred, at some point even surpassing the twenty-two hundred word count quite regularly, actually. And, while definitely not as bad as Black Sun received a year or two prior, Nighttime Terror also received a bunch of rude reviews. So much, even, that it prompted me to make every guest review have to be moderated first before they get published.

As if all of that wasn’t enough to make 2017 probably the most memorable year for me, the final notable fanfiction for me that got published in 2017... you know it, you were waiting for it to be said... every writer has that one fanfiction that they are more known for than any other fanfiction they have published, and for me... BanG Dream fandom definitely know me as the writer of The Final Glow of Afterglow. A oneshot that aimed to surpass A Silver Lining I published a year and a half ago... and, as the writer of both oneshots, I think it is fair for me to say that it definitely did that. The plot of the two stories are different (they do overlap noticeably), I feel like TFGOA not only left a bigger impact but also has better stats (most notably more reviews) despite being much newer and in a much smaller fandom. I am sure people will associate me most with TFGOA for a long time to come and, honestly... if there is only one of my fanfiction that can survive the tests of time, I sure hope it is TFGOA. TFGOA also stole the title of longest chapter that I published, previously held by RWBY’s White Rose Valentine (jumping from ~7k to ~11k words).

2018 was a lot slower for me mainly because it was my last year in university. I think this was best showcased in the quiet era in the end of 2018 and the fact I had to slow down my third BanG Dream multi-chapter story Scarlet Sunlight. Scarlet, by the way, has a lot of fond memories as well. It was the first time I could really let loose with BanG Dream (aside from TFGOA, of course), while also more or less acting as a FoT 2.0 in a way. It’s also the first multi-chapter fanfiction, since FoT I think, where I had a constant beta reader throughout the entire process. And I feel like that really helped Scarlet shape up into what it is. Am I claiming it is the best BanG Dream fanfiction out there? No, of course not, even Scarlet has its faults. But I think it definitely did well for itself, even compared to my other notable fanfiction I have mentioned already despite being so new. Scarlet managed to break past the coveted 100k word mark (being one of two BanG Dream fanfiction at the time of writing this to achieve this, the other being teawithmugi’s Reign of Silence). It is also my longest fanfiction at the time of writing this, in terms of number of chapters, in terms of word count, and in terms of how long I wrote the story from start to finish. Yeah, Scarlet will always be fondly remembered...

2018 was also the second year in which I did something for Saten Ruiko Day (and so far last year as I missed both 2019 and 2020). Same concept as 2017, effectively, but instead of switching the franchises I tried to do something... interesting (or what I thought was interesting anyway). I knew BanG Dream wasn’t very popular nor had it a lot of fanfiction, and there isn’t much worse than searching for fanworks of your favorite and not running into any. So what I would do was write a oneshot that had two randomly chosen BanG Dream girls, and I would fill up the countdown that way. I literally gave every girl a number and pulled a random number generator to assign each girl with in pairs for the sake of the oneshots. Sure it would still leave out a handful of girls of the franchise but it was the best I could do at the time. It also was a really good experience for me as a writer to try and write so many different characters (especially when, again, we didn’t know too much about them as of yet).

The other notable thing that happened in 2018, I feel, was that it was when I began writing more Shirokane Rinko. I think this is notable for several reasons... first of all, up to that point, I always struggled to write characters who were shy. I always excelled at loner-type characters (Silver of PokeSpe and Blake from RWBY were by far the easiest characters of their respective franchises whom I could write; and before RWBY fans come after me, this is the time before Blake really opened up to the rest of her team. We’re talking V2!Blake here). What I am trying to say is that Rinko was a challenge in and of itself to write, but she’s amongst the characters I am most comfortable writing today.

Secondly, and this is just stroking my own ego to be fair, is that Rinko’s introduction to my fanfics (or, better phrased, the fact that I wrote her more regularly now) came with a very amusing perk. What started as a playful and fun headcanon at the time quickly evolved into a ship that I managed to drag most if not all my regular reviewers into myself. It’s actually kind of amusing looking back on that.

The next year I would describe as “the year I return to the past”... in the sense that I would do things related to things I did in the past, in a way. I published a Pokemon Special oneshot in 2019, something I think a lot of people would have missed as it didn’t do nowhere near as well as l would have expected. I wrote two oneshots specifically to surpass TFGOA (Flying Through The Skies Above and Their First Date in two different “categories”), but neither made as big of an impact as TFGOA did.

Late-ish into 2019, at the end of August, I received a welcome surprise: a five-part ask that basically came down to someone telling me that I did the one thing I always wanted to do: inspire aspiring writers. This was a big moment for me, maybe even bigger than being asked if someone can do a reading of one of my fanfiction, because... it was concrete proof, actual evidence that what I did, that what I produced... it made a positive impact on other people’s lives, it helped make someone’s day brighter just by doing what I do on a daily basis. Flower anon, I have no other way to refer to you or even ask you how you are doing, but if you are reading this: I am honored to be able to inspire you.

The only other thing of note that happened in 2019 was the increase of anon hate I got and that I entered the Akuma no Riddle fandom for a few weeks. A few weeks because my experience with that part of that fandom was... let’s just say it was less than ideal and leave it at that, shall we?

And then, here we are, in 2020. I honestly don’t see myself publishing too many unique stories, but I will try to keep the train going with Shining Sunlight. I am taking a big risk with Shining as it is the first fanfiction since Black Sun where I am writing a multi-chapter story without having a very defined plot... and we all know how Black Sun went, right~? That being said, it’s half a decade later, I have learned so much in these last few years and I am feeling confident in Shining and what it can become.

I know I have focused more on the multi-chapter stories in this post than I have on the oneshots (with some notable exceptions), but the truth is... for me as the writer, there’s just so much that is being put in the multi-chapter stories that the oneshots are simply lacking. Which should speak volumes to oneshots like The Final Glow of Afterglow and A Step Back In The Shadows to remain so memorable and notable for me despite being “only” oneshots.

These last five years have been... amazing, really. The highs and lows, the ability and access to a platform to continue doing this. It’s been a lot of fun, it has really been life changing, and while I know I won’t be doing this forever... I sure as hell will make sure I will enjoy every second of time I am doing this!

[girlwiththegreenhat]

2, 23, and 67 for the viddy game asks please!!

2) A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc.

Arguably most of the games I’ve played had some influence on me creatively. Like, I can’t tell you how much time I’ve spent drawing fanart for video games, and all their styles left some mark on my own. I think some of the biggest credits go to TF2 and BATIM, I really like how TF2 handles it’s characters both visually and… as characters, and I’ve done a lot of art studies based on it’s comic and you can prob see it’s influence on my art if you squint.  And while I didn’t get much visual influence from BATIM directly, the hundreds of hours I spent drawing either direct BATIM fanart or BATIM AU art did me a lot of good the last couple years xD It’s also the game I’ve written the most for, so I probably got the most writing experience from it too.

23) The game that you’ve logged the most hours into?

Speaking purely on what I have real statistics for, Team Fortress 2 recently overtook Borderlands 2 as my most played game. never thought that’d happen

(if you include the Borderlands 2 playtime logged on my brother’s PS4 though, it definitely still wins xD)

If we’re just doing estimates, probably MapleStory - I played that like, every day for years as a kid. I’ve only got 25 hours logged on it in Steam, but if I had a counter for how much I played it in my lifetime, it’d absolutely be in the thousands. I wasted. Soooooooo much time on that game lmfao. And it was time well wasted, mostly. Sometimes I still shudder over the time around 12 or 13 where I spent four straight hours trying to do the Zakum jump quest, and the only reason I stopped was because I had severe eye strain. Couldn’t see anything, it was all violent flashing black and white strips webbed across my vision. My mom had to lead me back to bed because I literally Could Not See. Almost thought I was drugged lmfao. The real kicker was nailing the quest first try the next morning…

67) Do you have a happy gaming-related childhood memory you want to share?

I’m pretty sure I already told the story Several Times about when I found my older brother’s GameBoy with some mario game loaded onto it and it was like one of the best weeks of my childhood, but it’s kinda tricky to think of any other memories. My parents were very strict ‘no video games’ people so aside from a couple free online games and chill stuff like Rollercoaster Tycoon and Zoo Tycoon I didn’t get to play them very often. They bought us a Wii for christmas when I was nine or ten, which was the point when they started to lighten up about them…

One of my fav memories is probably when I was 12, over the summer I decided I wanted to actually level up a character in MapleStory instead of just leveling when my friends wanted to. I made a character, a new class at the time called Aran, and decided I was going to level her up all the way to 200 (the max level at the time). This was before the Big Bang patch of late 2011 that made leveling STUPID easy, so having a high level character was a BIG deal. The first big milestone was having a character that was level 50, because at that level characters unlock Mounts, which were monsters you could ride. Prior to this it had taken me months to get my first character to around level 37, aaand I also fucked up all her stats so as a warrior she had like no strength but a bunch of health, cuz I was like ‘oh dying in fights suck, so if i have a BUNCH of health, i will have enough time to escape!! BRILLIANT LOGIC IN A GAME ABOUT FIGHTING MONSTERS, YES.’ (I distinctly remember finding a fellow warrior and telling them about how much health I had, and tldr their reaction was ‘!? you’re lying that’s illegal’).

BUT ANYWAYS, i set my first goal and ended up hitting it, which was getting my new character to level 50 in a month. There was a party quest I loved doing, I think it had a Real Name but everyone just called it the Ludi PQ. It was based in a town that was basically made of toys and legos, and it had the prettiest background music Ever. It also gave ASSLOADS of EXP for the time, so it was faster than farming monsters for EXP or doing regular quests. I played it more than any other party quest, and cuz it was summer I could literally play nonstop every day, so… I did! And I got my character to level 50 in exactly a month. It felt SO good running around towns on my fancy new mount, which for this class starts as a brown wolf.

(not my character, all my old MS screenshots are on my laptop = u =)

This is more like a long and broad story rather than one memory, oops. Anyway yeah, level 50 in a month, it was a Big Accomplishment back then. From there it was my childhood Mission to get my character to level 200, which I did end up doing three years ago. I hardly had much interest in MS at that point, but I was so close and I had to get to the finish line, if only for the dumb 12 year old who invested her heard and soul into being the STRONKEST ARAN EVAR SO I CAN DEFEAT THE B L A C K  M A G E… … … … … …

i’m sad they made the level cap 250, cuz i didn’t get the cool [GALAXXI HAS REACHED LEVEL 200! CONGRATS!] server-wide announcement when i finally did it, and they don’t do it for level 250 so there’s no point in getting that far 8) (level 200 is still the level cap… IN MY HEART.) i’m also sad you can get to level 50 in like two days now, mere hours if you grind like your life depends on it, but damn it’s fun having the memory of that month when my life was maplestory morning to night, playing the Ludi PQ for hours and bonding with strangers over memes and teamwork, and the EUPHORIC moment when i finally hit level 50 and all that hard work paid off.

... this post got Real Long but I got caught up in The Memories okay? xD thanks for the ask!!

[bryonysimcox]

Cutting, calling, sticking, sitting, subtitling: Week 15, Spain

With future certainty and concrete plans nowhere in sight, this week’s blog post is in praise of the mundane. Seven days of everyday life.

When prepping for this blog entry, I started panicking. What’s the overarching message? The big-picture mood of the week or the lesson I’ve learnt? Well this week, there isn’t one. It’s been seven days of everyday life and I reckon that’s worth celebrating too.

We’ve been pitching for some exciting work this week.

I can’t talk about the specifics, but it’s heartening to be actually planning and quoting for real-life projects that could bring in real-life money and real-life experience. We pretty much work on Broaden as a full-time venture anyway (regardless of if it makes us money), so when prospective clients reach out to Broaden to ask us to do more of what we love, then that’s a bonus.

I guess that’s the beauty of filmmaking, it’s so broad and its potential is so great that it can be valuable for a whole lot of people. I also think in the coming ‘new normal’ as countries, cities and communities come to adapt life around Covid-19, that the role of video and online streaming will shift, and perhaps become a more central element in our lives.

I’ve also been working away at editing the video we started filming last week about Economics for a more just and equitable world. It’s starting to take shape, though there is a lot of refinement needed (I’ve cut 150 minutes down to 30 minutes but still have a fair way to go!). Working on this video is also bringing about a newfound challenge of how we make videos like this visually stimulating, when they predominantly feature digital interviews and we can’t film footage out and about due to lockdown. It’s forcing us to get more creative with motion graphics, which is no bad thing.

In what is the culmination of a longstanding project, we also interviewed Rich Evans about The Foundations in New South Wales this week.

‘The Foundations’ is a truly extraordinary project/place in Portland, a tiny town about two-hours inland from Sydney. I first discovered the project when I worked in Australia, and the company I worked for, RobertsDay, was involved in a masterplanning process. Portland was established around a cementworks which went on to not only be the driving economic force behind the town, but also the backbone of the community. It was a source of civic pride (cement from Portland famously went to Sydney amid the building boom, coining it the phrase ‘The Town That Built Sydney’), and also helped establish social infrastructure like the swimming pool that is still a celebrated destination in the little town today. Sadly, as the cementworks decreased in scale and eventually closed in the nineties, it had a huge impact on the town.

(images) Scenes from January 2019 when we started filming at The Foundations, Portland NSW.

Back at RobertsDay, I had the pleasure of working on the masterplan and placemaking work for the next chapter of the cementworks, and I immediately fell in love with the place. Not only was it this incredible place of industrial heritage, but the owners actually wanted to transform the site into something really special - a tourist destination, an asset to the community, and a revitalised part of the town. From its current state - fenced-off, closed, and perhaps even an eyesore, the owners wanted to introduce artwork, markets, community gardens, museum collections, fishing and camping, weddings, concerts and a whole host of other things.

It was obvious that there was a story about The Foundations that deserved to be told, and so in January 2019 George and I spent a weekend there, filming local residents, business owners, and the wonderful Rich Evans, ‘Chief Reactivation Officer’ from The Foundations. This was before we’d even launched Broaden, but we were passionate to use filmmaking to document the transformation that was taking place there. However, over the course of 2019, other things took centre stage in our lives and we never got around to editing the final film.

And so, in lockdown here in Spain, we decided it was finally time to close off this story. Just this week,we called Rich over Zoom and asked him all about how things have progressed since we last visited Portland. Rich is a larger-than-life character who had so much good stuff to report (an artist in residence, growing market attendee numbers, new custom-designed public furniture, and the renovation of a central historic building which involved the removal of 1000s of bees!).

In a strange way, I’d originally thought of this hiatus as a weakness for our film, but it now has added another facet to the story: giving Rich a chance to reflect on progress at The Foundations and show viewers how much is possible in the space of a year.

Making collages serves as respite for the mind.

I return to my collage practice as a meditative practice, and a restorative one too. It’s something I do when I want to clear my mind, and use a different part of my brain from the video-editing-zoom-calling-analytical-planning side of my brain.

That said, the last few paper collages I’ve made have felt like a bit of struggle, and I’ve felt rather uninspired. The collages are never meant to be a forced thing, but instead something visceral and playful, but in recent times they’d stopped being that.

Until this week! This week, inspired to make a collage for my mum’s birthday, I started getting my boxes of magazines and compiled sheets out, stuck my ‘Making Collage’ playlist on, and somehow just found my groove. Shapes and forms shouted out to me, and I was more preoccupied with the mood of the pieces than perfection and precision. I was drawn to more ambiguous textures and the way that they could be layered, and what started as one collage ended up being a series of three (the other two of which I’ll later publish this week).

(image) The collage I made for my mum’s birthday, ‘Flirtatious Textures’.

Whilst I’ve feel as though I’ve found my swing with collage-making again (and have been also considering embarking on some critical writing about my creative process using academic texts for reference), this week I had a piece rejected. I’d made it to enter into a competition, and when the rejection email landed in my inbox this week, the usual heart-racing pangs of inadequacy entered my mind. Not only had I lost money on the entry fee, but my work was ‘unwanted’. I’ve spent some time facing those demons these last couple of days and reminding myself that I make my work for ME.

So if that’s the cutting and sticking, and the zoom interviews were the calling, what’s the sitting and subtitling this week’s post refers to?

We’ve been doing a lot of sitting. Sitting and staring, sitting and watching the sun set, sitting and reading books, sitting and checking Instagram, sitting and feeling guilt for sitting, sitting and swatting mosquitoes away (it’s rather hot all of a sudden), sitting and eating crisps, sitting and calling friends, sitting and laughing, smiling, frowning, thinking.

(images, left to right) Everyday scenes from the cottage, cutting and sticking, and a lot of sitting (as demonstrated by George!)

It feels totally bonkers that as we face a global health pandemic, all I’m drawn to do (or able to do) is sit. And George and I have certainly discussed the guilt, lack of motivation, boredom and soul-searching that’s grown (and comes along with sitting!) in recent weeks. I’m not sure if there’s some grand benefit to all this sitting, but it has called for the enjoyment of many a good book, and also a good phonecall.

One of the most joyful moments (spent sitting!) this week was surely the video call I had for my Granny’s 80th birthday, between my mum, my brother, my aunt and my Granny herself. There were laughs and cheers, ridiculous filters used and lots of talk of birthday booze and plentiful cake. But after the call, there were also moments of reflection and of gratitude; that we are able to celebrate together (albeit digitally) for the momentous milestone that is my wonderful Granny’s eightieth birthday, as she sits alone in her house in Scotland, is a blessing. Of course, I would have loved to have seen her in person, but I am so bloody grateful that we can connect to her even if just through the airwaves.

Birthdays in May seem to be a common occurrence in my family, and this week saw my Mum’s birthday too. Again, there was a sense of loss that unsurprisingly, I couldn’t be with her due to coronavirus (a fact made worse by the fact I don’t think I’ve been with my Mum on her birthday for about five years), but we were also able to chat and videocall. And I was also able to go back through my photos, reflecting on wonderful times shared across the years.

(images, left to right) Looking back at memories with mum - as a child in a sling, on our trip to Sri Lanka in 2018, and at the exhibition opening of ‘Talking Sense’ where one of her sculptures was displayed at the Portico Library last year.

Access to computers and the internet, free time to sit and chill, and family who are safe and sound is not a privilege everyone shares. And I am so aware of that.

I continue to think of the inequalities this pandemic is highlighting, and the gaps it is widening. Access to the fundamental elements for a just and equitable life are basic human rights, and yet as BBC newsnight’s Emily Maitlis reminded us, 'The disease is not a great leveller'. If while I’m sitting this week, I can at least read, watch, learn and share ideas about how we can tackle these gaping inequalities, my sitting was perhaps not in vain.

As our fifteenth week on the road drew to a close, and looked ever less like life actually ‘on the road’, I decided to take on the task of subtitling The Hundred Miler.

Initially, the only motivation to create comprehensive subtitles for Broaden’s thirty minute documentary was so that we could enter foreign film fests. And even then, we’d have had it professionally subtitled if we weren’t looking for ways to save money!

And so I naively embarked on what was to become a two-day odyssey involving Artificial Intelligence transcript detection, manually correcting the script, learning about timecodes, downloading .srt files and working to integrate them with YouTube.

The long and short of it is that The Hundred Miler (which also hit a whopping 100,000 views this week) now has complete ‘closed caption’ subtitles which you can use and enjoy on YouTube! But more than that, through conversations with others I realised the importance of subtitles from an accessibility perspective, as a critical tool to help deaf and hard-of-hearing people, as well as those for whom English isn’t their mother tongue. It was a refreshing reminder that we exclude people without meaning to, but that we can also actively include them if we take certain measures.

So that’s it, Week 15 in all its mundane glory. To those of you who are still here, reading my reflections on these strange and tumultuous times, thank you. Maybe this week you’ve been cutting, calling, sticking, sitting and subtitling too, and for that, I salute you. 

[sundaynightnovels]

11/11/11

so i’ve been tagged by @kidsarentallwrite​ for this one, and @a-ray-of-moonshine​ , so i’ll be answering both here! thank you so much for thinking of me! <3  What song makes your OC go absolutely, batshit feral? okay i really don’t know the answer to this one, but hmmmm let me think . i think that zhen’s the sort to sing songs loudly and obnoxiously just to be an annoying ass and lu’d join her, and then yu(f) would be really mega pissed because she’s right in the next room trying to do some work when these two tone-deaf idiots are screeching their lungs out in the kitchen so yes, zhen & lu’s singing would make yu(f) go absolutely feral. anything they sing.  i think the OTHER yu(m) would go absolutely feral when jun, being a lil piece of shit who likes to get on his nerves, sings songs about rain. because yknow, yu(m)’s name means rain. right now the song i’m thinking of is jay chou’s 听见下雨的声音 (which means, listen to the sound of rain falling) and jun would sing it whenever yu(m) tries to say something because of, yknow, the title. and then blatantly ignore whatever yu(m)’s trying to say. so yes, the two yu(s) lead very sad lives. please give them more love. (though i’d understand if you don’t, one is an Antisocial Edgelord and one is an Edgy Antisocial Lording Over Others . there’s a difference)  What would your OC go on an hours long rant about given the opportunity? for shou? anything. absolutely anything. off the top of my mind, the sun (i’ve mentioned this so many times, don’t even ask), names (names have meanings to him!! why is zhen called zhen and teng called teng? why is he called shou??? a lot of them don’t share in his sentiments but he has Very Strong Feelings about it) lu is about his sad existence as a little boy who is starving on the streets. he’d say it often in the kitchen, when zhen is preparing some food.  zhen would be about rising costs of living and capitalism and having to work when they’re dead and yu(f) being a loser who only wants to work and teng being a loser who can’t get any girls and about how life is meaningless and the only solace is sleep and jia would rant with her for the fun of it yu(f) would rant about zhen, yu(m) would rant about jun, teng would rant about love and loneliness and ren would run away. (yes that was a pun, if you got it please appreciate)  Do your OCs have tattoos? If not, would they ever get a tattoo? Why or why not? i think i’ve answered this somewhere before??? not very sure . but yea anyway shou thinks it’s blasphemous but he would also consider one, zhen can’t be bothered, lu is a little kid WHAT ARE YOU ASKING FROM HIM teng is deathly afraid of the pain and it’s plainly obvious, jun isn’t scared of the pain but can’t be bothered either but also might already have one, you never know, yu(f) thinks it’s a waste of money, yu(m)... i feel like he might have one, not sure why. jia probably has one, some nice gorgeous insta-worthy one on her collarbone or on her back.  ren probably has one but he keeps it hidden and no one knows about it.  You bump into your OC on the street unexpectedly. How do you react? oh no. which one? if i catch shou in a distracted mood, i probably can get away without him yammering in my ears.  if it’s zhen, i’ll probably get sued for something and she’ll try to extort something from me. probably the bubble tea in my hands, or the money in my wallet. probably.  for lu he’d extort food. even if it’s in my stomach. yu(f) would be the one who bumps into me and continues marching off because she is a busy woman and ain’t got time for this.  ren would probably apologise and yknow, be a normal, nice human being. yu(m) would just stare and maybe walk away, but he looks fierce so it probs looks like he’s glaring and i’ll be scared shitless. or be pissed, depends on my mood. teng would apologise a lot a lot and offer to get my things (even if i hadn’t dropped them) and be a sputtering mess because unfortunately i am Woman and he cannot deal jun would ignore probably. depending on his mood, might make some cryptic comment that’s slightly disturbing. or he’d be really charming . who knows? jia would also probably react like a normal human being. not the nicest, but normal anyway. Which vines best describe your OCs? i am a failure and i don’t really know vines If your WIP is ever adapted into another form of media, what form would you like? Film, television, comic, podcast? Any others? sitcom, probably. also considering the amount of talking they do, maybe podcast. definitely not film. there’s no plot here. maybe theatre, just for fun. What is your favourite part about writing? what are you talking about?? Is you got to have a conversation with your favourite author, what would you talk about? the only author i can think of now is rick riordan and i’d talk about how i appreciate that he’s just doing what he wants and making it fun for him and diversity and lame humour and stupid characters and all that crap Have any writing habits or quirks? don’t write enough to have some. HAHA just kidding i have many many run-on sentences but i need them for RHYTHM and BEAT and FEELING you know???? long sentences are my jam and they help create music structure in writing do NOT TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME also use oxford commas. sue me. What do you prefer: dialogue or action? stupid banter-ish dialogue. evocative atmospheric-ish contemplation and inner musings no one acts. Who is the first Writeblr you followed? Do you remember why you followed them? i really don’t know! sorry! --

1. Is there a trope you never get tired of? characters who share One brain cell. family.  long rambling stories that go nowhere really bad humour yes some of these are not tropes, i am aware.

2. Who is your least favorite character in your WIP? Why? gasps!!!  okay so let’s go down the list, i hate shou because he’s annoying as hell and he talks so much he himself gives 4k worth of dialogue in a single chapter, i hate zhen because she doesn’t do or admit to anything and trying to figure her out is like trying to get a worm to walk on two feet, i hate lu because he only talks about food and be a dirty lil kid, i hate ren because he is too nice and doesn’t think for himself, i hate teng because he gets easily bullied and he also talks too much for no damn reason, i hate jun because he keeps himself too deep and it’s impossible to get him to do anything serious, i hate yu(f) because she only works and literally there’s nothing to describe in her boring one bedroom can she get out of her room already, i hate yu(m) because i still don’t know him well enough after all these months, i hate jia because somehow i keep forgetting her in these tag games even though her presence is Big in the wip  yup there you go. they’re all my least favourite. 

3. Let’s say I’m planning to visit the setting of your WIP for a weekend. What should I take with me? What are the most important things for me to know beforehand? Which of your characters should I ask to be my guide? uh. i’d just say Don’t.  don’t visit. it’s not a good thing, you can’t choose to visit anyway, you can’t take anything with you because yknow, well there’s this little chinese saying i kinda abide by for this wip and i’m lazy to type it out now but it was in my previous chinese mytho au drabble so yea  also. guide????? maybe the safest might be ren, but also not really. hm. if you want an enthusiastic little puppy, choose shou. but he might talk your ears off and annoy you so you know, pick your poison 4.Beginning, middle, or end—which is the hardest for you as a writer?

middle

5. Which is more inspiring for you: music or visual art?

music!

6. Do you have any other creative interests and hobbies besides writing?

lol i have no interests okay really. hm. i used to draw a little bit but i’ve stopped, used to play piano but i’ve stopped, used to play cello but i’ve stopped.  so yea, really, nothing much. 

7. How close is your WIP now to what you were expecting it to be when you just started?

i’ve finished the first draft since the start of the year, which is great and i totally didn’t expect it! .... am barely into the second draft though, so that’s a bummer. you see, this is why sometimes you shouldn’t get achievements. once that one milestone is reached you just lie down there at the rest stop and never get up. 

8. What are your plans for when you finish your WIP? Traditional publishing? Indie publishing? Putting it online for others to read for free?

traditional probs, because i don’t trust myself enough to do it on my own and i have little visual sensibilities so the cover would be hella ugly. also like, not even sure if traditional publishers would want my odd little plotless thing, but yknow, i like it. 

9. Your MC is here. On your doorstep. Planning to spend the day with you. Oh, and they know you’re the author responsible for everything that’s going on in the story right now. Are you expecting it to be a nice conversation, or do you maybe want to run and hide? :D

thank god i consider my MC to be shou instead of zhen. oh yea he’ll have lots of questions and he’ll poke at my brains a lot and he’d be hella noisy and also he’ll be sweating a lot because of his clothes and long hair, but still thank god it’s shou for the rest of them, i’d run and hide in the bottom of the ocean.

10. Name a song that could be your villain’s personal anthem.

eh. there’s no villain. if you consider the author to be the villain though hMMM i have favourite songs but no personal anthems, sorry

11. Is there anything you would never, ever write a story about, even if you were offered a large sum of money to do so?

eh. probs something like a law drama-ish thing. too many long words and complex jargon, not my kinda thing.

>> i’ll be tagging @coffehousecreations @bookenders @aslanwrites @rktho-writes @bahay-kubo @aloonycynic @arte-muse @elliswriting @mvcreates @inkpot-dreamer @dc-writes and here are my questions (which i think are pretty interesting heh feel free to do it and tag me even if i haven’t tagged you for it!) 1) your wip is now set in percy jackson’s world (if you don’t know, it’s just a bunch of monsters from greek mythologies chasing after young kids who have powers. we’re assuming your OCs are all demigods here, so they have powers and are being chased). who would be the one flailing and crying for help? who would be the one standing in front and thinking of a solution? who would be the first one eaten and who would be the one to survive till they reach camp?  2) after barely escaping percy jackson’s world, they’re now thrown into harry potter. the dementors are everywhere. what are the bad memories that these dementors draw from your OCs? how do they react to it? (don’t worry, they’re saved before being given the kiss. somehow.) 3) they’re now plopped into the good place. who is in the good place, and who is in the bad place? (for those who don’t watch the show, well. i think this naming speaks for itself) 4) ah, bummer. some misfiling of paperwork from the higher-ups, sorry. your OCs are once again alive and kicking, but then things happen again and well, they’re in marvel and the Snap has just happened (i.e., people have suddenly disappeared into dust after an event and no one knows what happened to them). assuming individual scenarios for your OCs where each of them are the only one left in the group, how would they react and what are their coping mechanisms? 5) and then the Blip happens and everyone is back, after five years! hurray! once again, assuming individual scenarios for your OCs where each of them are the only one left in the group, and then everyone suddenly returns like nothing’s happened, how would they then react to this change of scenario? how do they adapt? 6) all is well for a while, until The Fire Nation Attacked. who runs away and hides in isolation? who joins the colonising forces? who attempts a rebellion? who concedes defeat and lets the enemies in? 7) alright, now let’s give your OCs a break. they’re back in school and it’s high school musical! which typical high school cliques are each of them in and why? 8) now we’re in deadpool and it’s time to break the 4th wall and change the focus to: the author. what kind of jokes / things do you want to include in your wip but can’t seem to, maybe because of genre restrictions or age restrictions or it just, well, doesn’t fit? (ryan reynolds would say to include it all anyway, but yknow, that’s because he has money) 9) following the ryan reynolds thread, what is the one most indulgent thing you’ve done in your writing / would do in your writing?  10) who is your favourite friends member and why? (this is important okay? to those who haven’t watched friends... i can’t really give you much of an explanation for this one and more importantly -- why??) 11) this is the end! what is the stupidest thing you’ve done in your / with regards to your writing? it can literally be anything -- a stupid spelling mistake, gaping plot hole, printing it out for a friend to read and missing a page, you can really go crazy with your answer here. okay thanks for reading this massive chunk of text and good day everyone!

[winteriron-trash]

About Me/FAQ

Hey, welcome to my blog! This is my -well, usually- Marvel-centric blog that has everything WinterIron, Bucky Barnes, and Tony Stark, as well as some general shitposts of my own wild adventures. I figured it’s best to keep up this trend of updating my ‘About Me’ page every follower milestone. So thank you all so much for over 3,000 followers, I never expected to break that many followers, let alone in less than a year on Tumblr. I appreciate each and everyone one of you, so really, thank you for sticking around with my bullshit.

Per the usual, I don’t do drama, I don’t do discourse. If you have a serious problem with me or anything I’ve written/done on this blog, please take it up with me personally. I will delete anon hate (if I get any, I haven’t gotten any yet…) and I think it’s all just pointless. I can be salty and derpy sometimes, but I will never purposely say something malicious. I’m not here for that negativity.

Now, to the FAQs.

Do you have an Ao3/Pillowfort/other social media?

I do have an Ao3, you can find me at Gothic_Lolita. I don’t cross-post everything, and a lot of my stuff on Ao3 isn’t WinterIron or even Bucky or Tony-centric, so if you’d like to see some other stuff I write, feel free to check over there. I don’t have a Pillowfort, nor do I plan on getting one. It took me forever to get this platform right, I’m not in the place to bother learning how to navigate a new one. I don’t do Snapchat or Instagram or Twitter because I am not nearly basic or cool enough for that stuff. The only social media I use is Tumblr and Pinterest, and trust me, my Pinterest is nothing interesting enough to be worth linking.

Do you have a tagging system?

I’m… trying, honestly. I’m trying to adjust my tags and systems because of the… wildness Tumblr is having with blocking and purging certain tags. I try to be funny in my tags, and I swear a lot, and apparently ‘fuck’ is being filtered out of the tag search, so that’s fun and completely screwed me over. As it stands, the important tags are ‘winteriron-trash writes’ (my writing tag), ‘shitposting with becca’ (any wild shitposts of my own sad creation), ‘not about marvel’ (any posts that are my general bullshittery and not Marvel related), ‘becca gives mediocre writing advice’ (a new tag I’m trying to use that’ll tag any post that I give writing advice on), ‘becca spills the tea’ (a tag for whenever I post my metas or opinions on Marvel characters, plots, etc), and the citrus scale which I explain in a post here

Do you write original fiction?

Yes, but I rarely, if ever, post it. I think I have all of one poem on Tumblr, any absolutely nothing original on Ao3. I write original works all the time, especially poetry and novels, but I’m super shy about being vulnerable and putting my stuff out there. I do wanna post my original writing somehow, but considering a fandom blog and Ao3 aren’t really the place for it, I’ll just keep it all hidden inside of me, and one day I’ll die. You’re more than welcome to ask me about any of my original writings, trust me, I am always willing to ramble about the shit I write, it’s pathetic.

What type of fanfiction do you write?

For this blog, mostly WinterIron fics or gen fics focused on Bucky or Tony. I do write about OT3s on here occasionally, but they usually include WinterIron in some way. Most of the time. I’ve somehow gotten to writing some weird stuff lately, to be honest. I’ll work with MCU, Sony Venom, and Spiderverse characters and canon, with the occasionally comic canon shoved in there. I have occasionally written crossover content with DC characters, but that usually relies on comic versions -or at least my own remixes of them- rather than the DCEU. On my masterlist, you can check out all the things I’ve written!

What are your ships besides WinterIron? NOTPs?

I’ll ship almost anything, and I’m a huge fan of rarepairs/interesting relationships simply to explore the possibilities of it, particularly when they include Bucky or Tony. My top OTPs besides WinterIron are currently Phlint, FalconShield, and BlackPepper. As for NOTPs, I strongly dislike Stucky, Stuckony, Thorki, and Staron for reasons of just not being able to see those characters together romantically. Feel free to send me the wildest rarepair your mind can think of, chances are I’ve probably already thought of it myself so I’d love the chance to ramble about/write for it. I’m a big fan of weird OT3s as well, just see the weird shit on my masterlist.

Are you in any fandoms besides Marvel?

I’m into DC, Star Trek, classic literature, Percy Jackson/HoO/Kane Chronicles, She-Ra, Carmen Sandiego, indie gaming, Supernatural, vulture culture, HYDRA Trash Party, and musicals. Yes, I’m aware I was born to be a geek. Trust me, I’ve grown very used to it.

Do you take prompts?

Honestly, sending me a prompt/headcanon/idea is a shot in the dark. I have prompts sitting in my inbox that has been there for about a year that I’ve been meaning to write. Chances are if you send me a prompt yes I’ve seen it, yes I think it’s lovely, but god I do not have the time. Occasionally a prompt will really grab my eye and I’ll just have to write something for it, but sometimes even that can take months to finish. Don’t be surprised if you send me a prompt and I randomly fill it seven months later. I’m prone to doing so. I love being tagged in existing prompt/headcanon posts and asked to write it (as I have a bad habit of hijacking posts to write stuff for them to begin with…) just know that once again the chances of me writing it are about a 50/50. Also, make sure the OP is okay with you asking me to write it, it’s never my intention to steal someone else’s spotlight, I just want to take cool ideas and throw my two cents in.

Is there anything you won’t write?

Drugs and alcohol are hard nos for me. They’re personal triggers that if you really want to know more about, you can send me an ask or message about. If I’ve listed something as a NOTP, I will not write anything with it. I strongly dislike writing kid fics, mundane AUs, damsel in distress Tony fics, and A/B/O, but I’m willing to work with an idea if it’s good enough. It really depends on the situation.

Do you offer writing advice/reviews?

Yep! I’m down to answer any questions on writing fanfic or just writing in general. I love talking about writing and all that. Seriously, I like talking about writing almost as much as I like talking about Marvel. I’m more than open to reading a few chapters of your fic or book or whatever and telling you my honest thoughts, but I probably won’t have time to read all of it if it’s more than 5k long, because I’m just a busy person. And I will be honest because I want to be helpful. Don’t ask me for my honest opinion if you just want your ego stroked.

Can I ask your opinion on [insert topic here]?

Always. I am always open to sharing my honest opinions, regardless of backlash I’ll receive for it. I’d rather be my honest self online -the one place I can be my honest self- then a fake mask made to please others. Whether it be fandom ships, in-universe meta, or non-fandom related topics, feel free to ask me. I love talking meta, or just general thoughts and opinions on random stuff. Trust me, I’m far too opinionated for my own good. Ask literally anyone who’s met me.

How long have you been writing?

All seventeen years of my sad, sad life. I loved writing stupid little stories when I was a kid, that slowly morphed into shitty “books”, then I went through a poetry phase in junior high, and when I was about 14 I wrote my first fanfiction. I posted my first fanfic when I was 15, and have been posting fanfiction for over a year and a half now. I started Tumblr in late February but didn’t start writing fics here until about March because I am a shy bitch.

Aaaaaaand now for some stupid shit about me you didn’t ask for.

My name is Becca, or Winter, or Dumbass, whatever you prefer, and I’m a dumbfuck 17 yr old lesbian from upstate New York. (The ‘upstate’ part is important. Don’t ask me if I live in NYC. Just don’t.) I’m a junior in high school and planning to study English and Marketing in college, to hopefully become an editor. Hopefully. I’m actually a pretty boring and dumb bitch, which makes it all the more concerning that I am steadily gaining popularity on this hellsite. Someone help me.

I mentioned some of my interests above, but some other stuff I’m into includes knitting, playing piano, tea, collecting (hoarding) notebooks, photography, editing, music, and being a general idiot. I’m a wild child in ripped jeans and a leather jacket, which should not fool you because I’m far too shy and afraid of everything to be cool like that. I sound a lot cooler online because I’ve gotten so used to online interactions from making friends and running my own Discord server, but in real life I am unrecognizable. I’ve been in a grade of 60 people with the same people since kindergarten and some of them still don’t know my name.

I’m mentally ill and all that, but we’re working on getting… better. Writing schedules are a mess from me and sometimes I’m falling apart so, that’s fun. It doesn’t usually affect my blog because I internalize that shit, but occasionally the self-deprecating humor can get to be a little too close to the truth. And just the general spastic nature of my blog reflects the utter chaos of my mind.

So anyway, that’s me, please be my friend. Also, because this seems to come up more and more. Please don’t be afraid of me/intimidated by me. I know I look all cool and popular, but I am literally a hot mess just like the rest of us. If you want to climb your way into my messages and just,,,, scream at me about something you think I’d like, or just scream in general, go ahead. I really won’t mind, I promise. I need… friends, or so my therapist tells me.

Oh, and here’s a face reveal.

Yes, I am that absolute idiot of a person, lying splat in the middle of my elementary playground field for,,,, reasons???? I don’t really remember the story behind that picture tbh, but it’s my entire personality in a single picture, so I dig it.

And here’s my actual face, with a cheap ring in my mouth and a fox filter because I thought I looked cute, okay? Leave me be.

Tadah.

I swear I’m funny and talented sometimes, please like me.

As always, feel free to send me an ask or a message about anything you’d like. 

Check out my Masterlist if you want, and join my Discord Server.

[thezodiaczone]

July Forecast for Capricorn

Relationships are your focal point this month, Capricorn. The Sun is making its annual sojourn through Cancer and your partnership house until July 22, then it dives into Leo and your intimate eighth house, deepening your bonds even more. Correct any imbalances if things don’t feel fair or harmonious. Carve out dedicated and undistracted time for your most important ties, the people who are often put on hold as you fulfill your duty to work and the many others who count on you, Cap. For once, let them have the best of your attention instead of the leftovers.

With two of this summer’s three game-changing eclipses punctuating the month, there could be some big surprises in store. Eclipses sweep in four to six times a year and shake up the status quo, removing anything outmoded and flinging open the doors for a fresh start.

The first, a partial solar (new moon) eclipse, lands in Cancer on July 12, activating your seventh house of committed relationships. Solar eclipses mark bold beginnings and can set us on a whole new (and unexpected) path. An exciting and unplanned move could happen: an engagement, a meeting with a dynamic new person with long-term potential, a business offer that exceeds all expectations. That might not fully unfold just yet because this is the inaugural eclipse in a series that will fall on the Cancer/Capricorn axis between now and July 2020. Over the next two years, these eclipses will overhaul your identity, personal path and approach to partnership. If you’re stuck in the areas of relationships or self-development, prepare for the needle to finally move! The goal of these eclipses? To help you forge dynamic duos without losing yourself.

This is the only eclipse from this group in 2018, a preview of changes that will really take flight in 2019. Still, it will be an intense start! On July 12, the Sun and new moon are exactly opposite intensifying Pluto in Capricorn and your first house of self. As exciting as a new chapter involving partnerships may be, you could still feel an undercurrent of resistance, a fear of being totally consumed by this pairing and losing control or sovereignty. Likely this is rooted in some deep childhood wounds, as Pluto rules the unconscious. Therapy, hypnosis, even past-life regression work could help you overcome this newly identified block.

No matter what shifts come to your relationships, community is calling! On July 10, expansive Jupiter ends a four-month retrograde in your eleventh house of teamwork and technology. A budding collaboration or an online venture could pick up speed. Lucky Jupiter is here from October 10, 2017, until November 8, 2018, bringing new friendships and associations that expand your influence. With the red-spotted planet in reverse since March 8, that energy has diminished a bit. Now you have four powerful months to get a cutting-edge project or group undertaking launched into new heights. With global Jupiter at the helm, like-minded members of Team Capricorn could emerge from far-flung corners. You could connect with a fresh crew through social media or travel. Stay open to new faces and places!

Thrilling though it may be, you’ll need breaks to decompress starting July 22, when the Sun plunges into Leo and your private, intimate eighth house. This intense, monthlong solar cycle turns your energy inward, so seek out depth over breadth in your interactions. Better to meet one or two people with whom you REALLY click than to have a zillion superficial “likes.” Slip off for some one-on-one time—which could get steamy with your erotic eighth house ablaze—or cocoon yourself away for some focused research while your mind is razor-sharp. The eighth house rules long-term finances, from investments to real estates to retirement planning. There’s a lot on your mind, so minimize the distractions!

You really might want to hang the “Do Not Disturb” sign starting July 26, when Mercury—the planet of technology, communication and travel—turns retrograde in Leo and scrambles signals with your closest people. Back up any sensitive data, from racy photos to classified documents. Increase your privacy settings, strengthen passwords and guard against identity theft while tech-titan Mercury’s awry.

This is a fruitful period for addressing any resentments or fissures in your most important relationships. The eighth house governs all the ways we merge our energies, assets and resources with others. If any of that feels off-kilter, Mercury retrograde is a good time to hash out a better distribution of power and energy. You don’t have to split everything 50/50, but the contributions you both make to the collective pot DO have to feel fair all around. Hold off on signing any contracts until the retrograde ends if possible—or at least have everything reviewed by a lawyer and make sure you feel comfortable with the terms.

With five planets retrograde throughout the month, this time is better spent tweaking and revising plans than embarking on new ones. Action planet Mars is retrograde in Aquarius and your money house; structured Saturn and transformational Pluto are retrograde in Capricorn and your first house of self; and foggy Neptune’s reversing through Pisces and your communication corner. Not only might you get mixed messages and unclear directions, you could be deeply evaluating a new path for yourself. Use this time to ask yourself what you really want. Not everyone else, Capricorn—YOU.

With energizer Mars retrograde all month in Aquarius and your second house of work and money, it’s crucial that you don’t rush into any business deals or job offers. You’ll get an eye-opening look at all of your money matters on July 27 anyway, when the Aquarius total lunar (full moon) eclipse blasts into this prosperous zone, bringing a bold push forward on your path. A thrilling career or money-making opportunity might arrive unexpectedly, and you’ll be glad you didn’t settle for just anything. Some Caps may suddenly and swiftly exit a job, as the eclipse says, “enough!” You could have an epiphany about how you’d like to make a living or change your lifestyle to align with your evolving values.

The second house rules self-worth: Get ready for a confidence boost as you OWN your awesomeness. You’ve worked hard to get where you are, so celebrate that. With the full moon in this luxe-loving sector, you might mark a milestone with a memorable reward, perhaps a meaningful piece of jewelry or an amazing celebratory dinner.

This is the final Aquarius eclipse in a series that’s been touching down on the Leo/Aquarius axis since February 2017, recalibrating the way you deal with money, work, investments, shared power, sex and self-esteem. Look back to the prior two Aquarius eclipses on August 7, 2017, and February 15, 2018, for clues of what might fully come together now. There will be one last Leo eclipse on January 21, 2019. Between now and then, prepare for a few more plot twists as you create a life (and a living) that matches the person you’ve become.

Love & Romance

With the planet of passion, Mars, retrograde in Aquarius and your zone of work, money and self-worth all month, stress over the job or finances could seep into couple time. And with Mars fraying your nerves, you might be experiencing a confidence dip. If you’ve got too much on your plate, delegate or let some projects go—for the sake of your sanity AND your relationship (or odds of finding one)!

On the other side of your chart, Venus is trekking through Leo and your sizzling eighth house until July 9. This can intensify the sensuality but also bring up strong feelings—which is great if you’re happy as a clam in your partnership but could seriously rock the boat if you’re not. With so many planets in signal-scrambling retrograde this month, words can get misinterpreted. Better to resolve disagreements the old-fashioned way: with hot makeup sex.

On July 9, Venus jets into Virgo and your ninth house of travel and adventure. If you don’t have a vacation on the books, remedy that stat! Couples should focus on their shared interests and making this trip as romantic as possible (hello, upgrades!). Single Goats could have a steamy holiday hookup, perhaps one that continues after you’ve returned home. With the love planet in your “long-distance” zone, you might be open to dating someone who lives in another state or country.

Throughout the month, Venus will form three flowing trines—first with innovative Uranus in your passionate fifth house on July 11, a day when a powerful attraction or strong feelings could bubble up out of nowhere. Then Venus will connect with structured Saturn (July 14) and transformational Pluto (July 27), which are both in Capricorn and can bring amorous breakthroughs AND the opportunity to expand into new terrain. Regardless of your relationship status, that kind of growth can only be a good thing!

Key Dates

July 11: Venus-Uranus Trine Expect the unexpected today as unpredictable Uranus teams up with the romance planet. This could spark a surprising attraction or perhaps more. Couples should do something out of the ordinary—it almost doesn’t matter what as long as it’s not the same old!

Money & Career

Hang onto your wallet! With reactionary Mars retrograde in Aquarius and your money house all month, there’s a strong temptation to impulse-spend or soothe stress with retail therapy. Old tensions with a colleague, possibly a jealous rival, could flare up now. Should you lay low or confront them? We say take the high road instead of going down to their level. With lucky Jupiter powering out of retrograde in your teamwork sector on July 10, exciting new connections will blossom between now and November 8.

Focus on forging powerful bonds, especially with the Sun traveling through your relationship houses all month and setting the stage for dynamic duos. The July 12 Cancer solar eclipse sweeps through your partnership sector. Align yourself with people who truly complement you, and don’t be surprised if a synergistic connection sparks up out of nowhere today. This eclipse could bring an exciting contract or a collaboration that will unfold over the next six months.

Pace yourself, because we’re in retrograde high season, with five planets in their powered-down cycles throughout July. The most “famous” retrograde, Mercury, strikes from July 26 to August 19 in your eighth house of shared finances. Inspect and protect: Check statements for errors, balance your books and shield your data, especially if you use online banking or payment apps. Since Mercury retrograde is notorious for crashing computers and messing with technology, back important stuff up to the cloud and password-protect those private documents.

A big money moment arrives on July 27, when a total lunar eclipse swings through Aquarius and your second house of work and money. Traveling neck and neck with unstoppable Mars, this fierce full moon could bring a big change to your career, possibly a promotion or a plum new client. If you’re negotiating a raise or new terms, ask for more than you think you can get, provided you have the confidence and experience to back that up. It’s possible that a position could be “eclipsed” away or that you decide to dramatically exit one path to pursue another. Should something unexpected occur, trust that it’s making room for a much better fit. Stay proactive, but don’t settle!

Key Dates

July 8: Sun-Neptune Trine People are receptive to your ideas under this magnetic alignment of the confident Sun and compassionate Neptune. Communication flows with ease. You could attract the perfect person to partner up with today. No need to force an agenda—just be irresistible! When you’re genuinely excited about your ideas, people will respond to your enthusiasm and naturally want to get on board.

Love Days: 8, 12 Money Days: 18, 27 Luck Days: 16, 25 Off Days: 10, 14, 23

[mindingmyownbusiness]

Slow Burn

Pairing - Bucky Barnes x Reader Summary - Could something as simple as a s’more bring you and Bucky closer together? Prompt - Toasted marshmallows Warnings - none, just 100% fluff Word Count - 3,021 Notes - For @promarvelfangirl​ 2k Fall Follower Challenge - congratulations on your milestone! I LOVE FALL so writing this fic was a real treat. (sorry this is like forever late, life man…) Special thanks to @sgtbxckybxrnes​ for her invaluable input on s’mores and to @bucky-plums-barnes​ for her fabulous Insta creation seen below.

My Masterlist

The sun was sinking low in the sky as your small caravan made its way towards a rustic cabin set far back from the main road near a small lake in upstate New York. With the world safe for the moment the resident Avengers had taken this opportunity to schedule some bonding time, away from the compound and the responsibilities that hung over everyone’s head while they were there. It was about time too. You knew that the team needed to have some normalcy, something to remind them that even though they were enhanced and highly skilled they were still human. Well, most of them anyway.

You may not have been the one to come up with the idea but you were the one who had been tasked with organizing the trip. Finding and securing the location was the hardest part, after that you just made sure to pack some fun activities and special snacks to make sure that everyone had a good time. Your leg was bouncing like crazy from where you sat in the passenger seat and you kept craning your neck to get a better look.

“Calm down, (Y/N),” Steve teased from the driver’s seat. “We’re almost there.”

“I can’t help it,” you whined, “I’m excited. And I want everything to be perfect for you guys. After all, you save the world on the regular, you deserve a few days away to relax.”

“So do you, you know,” you rolled your eyes as Steve went on, “I’m serious (Y/N), you might not be out there dodging bullets but you work just as hard as the rest of us. Promise me you’ll try to have some fun while we’re here?”

“Okaaaaay, dad…” Steve chuckled as you slumped in your seat, only to perk right back up when the cabin came into view. You breathed a sigh of relief, noting that it looked even more picturesque than it did online. Steve pulled into the driveway leaving plenty of room for Clint and Bruce to park behind you then put his new old VW Bug into park, smirking as he glanced in the rearview mirror.

“You got a picture of that, right?” Steve said, nodding toward the scene in the backseat.

“Are you kidding? Those two were on Snapchat the instant they started snoring.” You turned to take in the scene behind you, Bucky with his head thrown back, mouth open, while Sam is slumped over, drooling on the Winter Soldier’s shoulder. “It’s almost a shame to wake them up… almost.” You waggled your eyebrows at Steve before the both of you suddenly and simultaneously hopped out of the car and slammed both the driver and passenger doors at the same time.

You almost forgot how to breathe for how hard you were laughing at what happened next. After a fair amount of pushing, shoving, and cursing the two men unfolded themselves from the back of the Bug, red-faced and grumbling under their breath.

“You okay there, Buck?” You wiped away a tear or two as you caught your breath. Bucky, still fuming, was slicking his hair back and scowling in Sam’s direction. “Damn birdbrain, droolin’ all over me…”

“C’mon Buck, don’t be angry. We came here to have some fun, remember?” You laid a hand on his bicep which seemed to instantly defrost his icy demeanor and he returned your hopeful smile with a small one of his own. It always amazed you that you had this sort of effect on the stoic supersoldier. Maybe it was your determination to treat him no differently than the rest of the team, maybe it was the gift you had for bringing people out of their shells, heck maybe it was the copious amount of baked goods you created and had decided Bucky would have to be your official taste-tester for. Whatever it was it worked and had created a unique sort of bond between you and the brooding brunette.

Avenger after Avenger had climbed out of the vehicles and were in the process of grabbing their bags and taking in their surroundings. “This place looks amazing, (Y/N),” Wanda exclaimed from behind you, wrapping one arm around you in an affectionate hug.

“I mean, it’s not my chalet in Aspen but it’ll do-oof!” Tony winced as Pepper elbowed him in the side. “W-what I meant to say was that this looks like the perfect getaway. Just what we all needed. Fantastic!” Tony lowered his voice as he passed you with a sheepish smile, “Seriously, ya did good kid.”

You smile to yourself before getting everyone’s attention. “Alright guys, this is it! There’s a couple hours before it gets dark so you have some time to settle into your rooms before dinner. The weather is perfect so we’ll be having a bonfire down by the lake, just head down there whenever you start to get hungry. Oh, and the rooms aren’t labeled or anything so it’s every man for himself. Have fun!” You giggled watching Peter and Scott practically trip over each other to be the first ones into the cabin.

“Idiots,” Bucky shook his head in their direction and turned to find you struggling to open the trailer where you’d stashed all the supplies for the weekend. “Here doll, lemme help ya with that.” He had the door open in no time and began to help you unload.

“You should go on in, find yourself a good room before you end up stuck with Sam or something,” you said as he helped you carry crates of food down toward the beach.

“Nah, you know me, doesn’t really matter where I sleep. I won’t be getting much of it,” he said matter-of-factly. “What about you, doll? You planned all this, dontcha want a decent room?”

Setting your crate down on a picnic table you grinned and showed Bucky what was in your pocket. “Like you said, I planned all this. So naturally I made sure to tell the caretaker to lock up one of the best rooms just for me and forward me the key. It’s got a huge bed, a spectacular view, and its own bathroom.” Bucky chuckled as you pocketed the key again. “Listen Buckaroo, I may be nice but I’m not naive, I made sure to take care of me this weekend too.”

With Bucky’s help you had everything set up and ready in no time, including a large stack of wood for the bonfire. You parted ways as you entered the cabin, you heading directly to your room for a quick shower and Bucky assuring you that he could figure out the place on his own. Before you knew it it was time for the evening’s festivities to start.

There are certain moments in life that you wish you could cement forever in your memory. This, this was definitely one of them. You took in the scene, everyone gathered around the crackling fire, all you could see were smiling faces. Everyone looked so at ease, not a trace of tension or darkness on anyone’s face. Laughter filled the air as different members of the team told stories, reminiscing and sharing favorite memories.

You found your gaze continually returning to one face in particular. Bucky was always on your radar but tonight you couldn’t seem to take your eyes off of him. Steve had just said something that made Bucky throw his head back and crinkle his eyes and absolutely laugh out loud and you swore it was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. It filled your heart and your soul and you never wanted to forget it. Ever.

“Take a picture, (Y/N), it’ll last longer.” Natasha’s low voice in your ear startled you but you quickly regained your composure, getting up and moving towards the food table. “So,” she said sidling up to you with a smirk, “how long has that been going on?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Nat.” You busied yourself by digging in the crates for the marshmallows, hoping that the shadows were doing a decent job of hiding the blush creeping over your features.

“Deny it all you want but I know what I saw.” She looked over at Bucky and then at you. “For what it’s worth, you’d be good for him. He needs someone who doesn’t see him through the filter of his past. That’s a rare thing, believe me.”

You chanced a look at Bucky again, smiling slightly as you saw him still having a great time with the rest of the team. Shaking your head to break yourself from the moment you returned to your task of gathering the rest of the ingredients to make s’mores. “It doesn’t matter anyway Nat, he’s an Avenger, a hero... and... and I’m just me. I should consider myself lucky just to be in his orbit.”

You could practically feel Nat’s glare boring into your skull. “Lucky? He’s the one who’d be lucky to have you.” She looked over at him again. “You know I could talk to him if you want--”

“No!” you said, your exclamation coming out louder and more panicked than you intended. You lowered your voice, a pleading look in your eyes,  “Look Nat, just drop it, okay?” Grabbing the small crate you turned back towards the fire, a smile plastered on your face. “Who’s ready for s’mores?” you called out, thrilled to hear a chorus of cheers from your friends.

While some of them wasted no time getting started, others held back a bit. “I am unfamiliar with this Midgardian delicacy, (Y/N)” Thor picked up a marshmallow, eyeing it curiously. “What exactly is a suh-more?”

You giggled as Clint stepped up, plucking the marshmallow from Thor’s grasp and spearing it onto one of the roasting sticks you had picked up just for this occasion. “They’re called s’mores big guy, and you don’t know what you’ve been missing. I mean, you get to set something on fire and then eat it, what could be better? I do this all the time with my kids, they love it. C’mon..” Clint grabbed another stick and marshmallow for Thor and proceeded to show him how it’s done.

You scanned the scene, checking to make sure everyone had what they needed. Steve and Sam were already working on their second round, Tony was making faces as Pepper tried to get him to take a bite of hers, and Vision couldn’t seem to get the hang of it. He had completely blackened several marshmallows in a row as Wanda tried not to laugh. Natasha had politely declined claiming they were just too sweet for her. You continued looking around, realizing the one face you were missing was the one you wanted to see the most.

Finally a glint of metal drew your eye to his quiet figure, set back from the fire practically in the shadows. You slipped over, taking a seat beside him on the cool grass. “You seem to be missing something… not a fan of s’mores?”

“Wouldn’t know doll. I, ah, actually haven’t ever had one before.” He cleared his throat, “Not much of a chance for a treat like that when I was younger and well… the last few decades are sort of a blur so…” His voice trailed off, Bucky clearly doing his best to push back the dark thoughts of his past.

You placed your hand over his, pulling him back to the present. “Let’s see what we can do to change that, yeah?” You stood, tugging at Bucky’s hand, encouraging him to come with you. “I haven’t made myself one yet so we can share.”

“Share…?” Bucky looked slightly confused until you picked up one of the roasting sticks that had two prongs on the end.

“See? One for you and one for me.” You speared a couple of marshmallows and lowered the stick above the fire, slowly rotating it. “The trick is to not put it directly in the fire like some people.”

“I heard that (Y/N)!” Sam protested through a mouth of graham cracker. “Burnt and crispy in under five seconds is the way to go!”

Shaking your head you continued, “It takes longer but I like to hold it just above the flames, that way there’s plenty of heat to make it super gooey all the way through without destroying the taste by burning it.”

“So what you’re saying is you like a slow burn.” You jumped, Natasha appearing out of nowhere yet looking like she’d been there all along warming herself by the fire. You glared at her then turned your attention back towards what you were doing.

“Nothing wrong with taking my time Natasha, some things are worth the wait.”

“Like s’mores,” she said with a smirk.

Exasperated you blew a strand of hair out of your face. “Yes, Nat, like s’mores.”

“Mmm’kay (Y/N), can’t really disagree with that.” Nat walked away with a smile leaving you with a scowl on your face.

“Um, did I miss something...?” Bucky asked.

“What? Oh, no it’s just.. It’s nothing, really…” You turned the marshmallows one more time, quickly changing the subject. “Looks like they are about done…” You brought them over to Bucky to put them together. “Okay we need the graham cracker first, then the chocolate, and then…” You laid the marshmallows right on top, both of you using the other half of the crackers to slide the gooey goodness off the stick. “Perfect.” You smiled, walking with him back over to where you were sitting earlier so you could both enjoy your treats in peace.

“Ready?” You couldn’t help but grin giddily at this memorable moment.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, doll.” Glancing at each other you both went to take a bite of your s’mores at the same time.

S’mores had already been your favorite treat for practically your whole life, but to see the look on Bucky’s face and to hear the sigh of satisfaction that came when he got his first taste of one… you’d never be able to look at a s’more innocently ever again.

“Doll… this is amazing!” He quickly took another bite, almost finishing it off.

“And messy..” Laughing you reached out with your thumb to swipe a glob of melted chocolate and marshmallow from the corner of Bucky’s mouth then without thinking licked it clean. You froze, thumb still in your mouth, once you realized what you’d done. You quickly looked away, embarrassed, missing the look of shock and awe on Bucky’s face.

Awkward silences were the worst. You popped the rest of your s’more in your mouth while your brain scrambled for something to say, finally settling on pretending it didn’t happen and just moving forward. Then maybe moving to Switzerland. “Um I should.. yeah I should really start cleaning up or I’m gonna be out here all night.” You started to get up but felt Bucky reach out and take your hand to pull you back down.

“Wait, you’ve.. ah, you’ve got a little something right here..” His eyes flickered down to your lips as his thumb wiped your bottom lip clean, mirroring your previous actions by sucking the stray chocolate off his thumb. You were pretty sure you’d stopped breathing as Bucky looked back into your eyes, the two of you gradually gravitating towards each other. You closed your eyes as his nose brushed gently against yours. Your heart was pounding and everything else faded into the background as you became hyper-aware of what you hoped and wished and prayed for was about to happen.

“Doll..? I’d really like to kiss ya if that’s alright..” Bucky’s lips ghosted over yours as he uttered his quiet plea.

“I think I might die if you didn’t,” you responded breathlessly. You were instantly rewarded with Bucky’s lips pressing ever so gently against yours. A small sigh escaped you as you placed a hand on his chest, one of his hands cupping the back of your neck as he continued to kiss you sweetly for a long moment. You could feel him smiling into the kiss as he pulled back slightly.

“You were right doll, some things are worth the wait.” Grinning you leaned back in, happily initiating the kiss this time, teasing him with your tongue until he opened up to you and oh if he didn’t taste of chocolate and coffee and heaven on earth. You wanted to keep kissing him forever, and you probably would have if it weren’t for something soft hitting the back of your head. Several more soft thuds on your back and shoulders caused you to pull back and look around confused only to realize that the two of you were on the receiving end of a barrage of marshmallows being hurled at you by several of your friends. “What the hell…?” Bucky quickly moved to shield you from the onslaught. “Really guys? So mature.”

“We had to do it, you guys were about to scar Peter for life.” Scott mock scolded the two of you while tossing a few more marshmallows your way.

“Seriously you two,” Tony was using his dad voice, “get a room already.”

Bucky looked at you. You looked at Bucky. Grins broke out on both your faces as he hopped up and pulled you up with him. “I believe that can be arranged. Scott!” you called out in your most commanding voice, “You’re now officially on cleanup duty. See you guys in the morning!”

The two of you got out of there as fast as you could, not stopping until you reached your room. Stepping into the darkness you couldn’t take your eyes off the view through the huge picture window of the moon reflecting off the lake. “Oh Bucky, would you just look at that…”

Bucky stepped up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. “It certainly is a gorgeous view... and the lake doesn’t look half bad either.”

You swatted his arm playfully as you turned to see him smiling down at you in the moonlight. “Now, where were we…?”

“Right about here…”

Just Some Tags: @dianelogan @bucky-plums-barnes @buckyywiththegoodhair @cate-lynne @avengerofyourheart @sebspocketsquare @sgtbxckybxrnes @bionic-buckyb  @plumfondler @ms-potts-to-you @chaneltheavenger @imaginingbucky @sexonastickstan @angryschnauzer @witchymarvelspacecase @palaiasaurus64 @eyecandybarnes @the-observant-fangirl @trinityjadec @ballyhoobarnes @kjs-s

[angeltriestoblog]

18

Welcome to my first blog post as an 18 year-old! And yes, I am well aware that I can legally drink and could be sent to jail, thank you very much. (Not that I have any plans to, though.)

I reached this milestone in my life last July 5th. As I mentioned in an earlier entry, I decided to not go the traditional route and instead, opted for a trip to Korea last April and a week’s worth of festivities with family and friends.

I kicked off the celebration with lunch at a Korean barbecue place with my parents, then had a feast with my extended family (mother’s side) in Italianni’s.

I even got my cousin, Miguel, to go on with me on the ferris wheel nearby where I tried my best to admire the beautiful view of Manila Bay before us while screaming my head off.

For my actual birthday, I treated my closest friends from high school at yet another K-BBQ place for lunch, and then went to my favorite buffet place with my family for dinner. My friends Junelle, Danna and I also finally pushed through with our months-old plan of dropping by the karaoke bar relatively near to us, which served as a great release for pent-up emotions and a showcase of our non-existent vocal abilities.

This year, I also decided to go out on a limb and hold a project of my own. I was originally planning on giving away some of the old books I had piled up in my room to nearby orphanages, but with the time constraints I had, I couldn’t really afford to execute something so grand. So, with the help of my mom, I decided that it would be best to start small. We bought these tumblers from the nearby grocery and filled them to the brim with candies and chocolate bars, then gave them to the kids selling sampaguita at our church. I was really iffy about writing this part, because I know it’s easy to misconstrue my intentions for doing so: some people will probably just dismiss this as some put-on act of charity posted for clout. But, the experience was just so rewarding for me I had to. The children were all so appreciative, beaming at me, expressing their gratitude through belated birthday greetings and musings of how they could use my little gift for school – it kind of made me feel like my heart was on fire, but in the best way possible.

Anyway, now on to the standard realizations I make sure to include in nine out of ten posts.

This birthday in particular was a big deal for me, for obvious reasons. I had always regarded 18 as the age of independence and freedom: I equated it to having the liberty to do whatever I wanted, go anywhere I pleased with anyone at all, make the big decisions and know the answers to all the questions I’ve been asking my elders since I was a kid. I guess I forgot that I’m not the protagonist of the coming-of-age films I grew up indulging in, but a sheltered kid who has had most things done for her and thus has yet to acquire the basic life skills needed to survive The Real World. My parents said that I’m this way because they wanted to give me a life of convenience, and thus did anything that required me going out of my comfort zone, for me. All these years, I never found myself complaining about it or demanding that something be changed but for some reason, this stage of supposed adulthood has pressured me into thinking that there’s something terribly wrong with this because now, I have so much growing up to do.

Obviously, the biggest life change that I’ll have to deal with would be college: having to balance academics, extracurricular activities and different people in an entirely foreign environment sounded so terrifying for me. People would always tell me that grades have and could never be an issue for me: I was born the Smart Kid™ with a lot of potential, remember? I was generally a star student in all the schools I had attended, and everyone knew about it: I didn’t have to exert any effort to prove myself to those around me, because my grades did the talking. But, suddenly I’m about to enter this prestigious university with a rigorous screening process that takes in the Smart Kids™ from institutions all around the country. How am I expected to stand out in a place like that and get the Latin honors I can’t help but aim for?

Extracurriculars also have a huge bearing and apparently are an essential part of the whole college experience, which is weird to me since I’ve never really committed to a specific club all throughout my grade school and high school life. It seemed like more of a requirement to me than anything else, so deciding which one to join was like playing pin the tail on the donkey with my friends.

And, while I’m on that note: what about making new friends? I do appear to be outgoing and loud—especially if you’ve heard my piercing shrieks in my old Grade 12 classroom—but I’m only like that around those I’m truly comfortable with, and even that number has dwindled over the years. It’s hard to find people with the same interests as I do, and I’m growing more and more unsure of the fact that there are Ateneans who like K-Pop boy groups and laugh at the jeje memes I have in my camera roll. (I will cry if I don’t find anyone who can watch Japer Sniper videos with me.) I haven’t had to introduce myself to a new person in two years both IRL and online and I let them lead the conversation for a long while before I can think of warming up to them.

I also have to learn how to drive, which can come off as a surprise to anyone who’s known me for a while. I’ve always been the type to let go of the steering wheel and cover my eyes when the situation got out of control at the bumper cars. But, once I found out that ADMU isn’t actually the most commuter-friendly of schools, I didn’t really have a choice. On my first day of lessons, I was scared to my very core: my mind couldn’t stop bombarding me with stories of vehicular accidents and picture slideshows of cats that got run over. Although I did pass all four days and am now eligible to have my own license, I still have much work to do before I can take our Civic for a spin along Katipunan: please pray I learn how to parallel park without crashing into anything. I guess it would also be a bonus if I learned how to commute to and from places. I love going out, and I wish I always knew how to get to where I wanted to go and what mode of transportation to take instead of always relying on trikes and taxis all the time.

Since I’m of legal age, I’m also qualified to register to vote. I’ve started immersing myself in current events and politics a few years back, and I witnessed several people my age get shot down by adults when they did so much as express their opinions. “Masyado kang bata,” they’d argue. “Di nga kayo botante eh, wag na kayong makialam!” (But, the indifference of the youth would still be met with biting remarks like, “Wala na ba kayong ibang gagawin kundi mag-Internet? Magkaroon naman kayo ng pakialam sa nangyayari sa paligid!”) So now, I feel a certain kind of satisfaction in finally getting a say in who runs my country. But, at the same time, there’s also an intense kind of pressure since I am expected to discern which candidate serves the people’s best interests and hopefully lead us out of the downward spiral we’re currently making our way through.

It was only very recently—towards the start of the final month of my vacation—that I realized how stagnant I still was a person. Must be surprising for some of you. I feel like I somewhat project this image of being constantly put together. Very rarely do I let myself be vulnerable around other people. This is probably why every time I turn to someone to talk about my problems, I’m always met with reassurance: I, of all people, would have it under control, they say. I have absolutely nothing to worry about.

But, that’s the thing: when we’re on social media, we have this tendency to present only our best selves, turning our accounts into heavily filtered highlight reels. This is not only pretentious but toxic behavior, because of its failure to put things into perspective and show that everyone has their own fair share of both good and bad days. My Instagram feed may be its busy and color-coordinated self at the moment, but it doesn’t show the many nights I’ve spent crying because of how overwhelmed I was by this sudden surge in responsibilities and my inability to handle all of them. I mean, things can seem way beyond your control when your brain refuses to shut up and calm down.

I guess my failure to prepare for everything could be traced back to the beginning of this summer. In hindsight, the goals I had set for my four-month break were all very short-term and not exactly centered on self-improvement. I looked through the bullet journal I was keeping at the time, and found items like “clean my room”, “delete Facebook friends and Twitter followers I don’t interact with” and “buy a new study table” – one word for April 2018 Angel: why? I easily could have used the time to learn a new language or pledge to write 10 posts, maybe even pick up an instrument so I could have started a career as a Soundcloud artist and gotten myself a record deal instead of going to college (Mom, Dad, I’m kidding.) But for some reason, I didn’t even think of setting my standards that high. I spent a lot of time lying on my back, scrolling through the same old timelines several times a day as if the constant refreshing would bring anything of substance in my life.

It's much easier to let the regret paralyze me, to beat myself up for all the mistakes I’ve made and wonder why I didn’t do better. But, we all know that won’t help me get anywhere. As of now, I’m trying my best to be more vocal about my problems with other people so they don’t build up inside of me until I spontaneously combust. I admit I’m also quite the emotional person, so I really want to work on having a rational approach to whatever I’m going through.

I found this thread of healthy coping mechanisms and emergency plans to use during times of distress floating around. In case you guys are too lazy to click on the link, it basically says that you should first identify the trigger thought or whatever is sparking the negative emotions, identify the unhelpful thinking style that you are subscribing to and counter them through coping thoughts and actions to bring your mood back to the center. Twitter user thecolor_teal also says that one important thing to note is that you should never believe in your thoughts without critiquing them.

I’ve been doubling down on the worrying and channeling all that energy on pursuing other interests and planning my life out. I’m on my fifth book in the span of two weeks (I have a post coming up on this, so watch out!) and I just hit the 2k word mark on this post, so I can pretty much say I’m on a roll.  I also came up with three main goals that I want to prioritize as I venture into this new chapter of my life. I read somewhere that publicizing whatever you want to work on, jinxes them in a way but since there’s no scientific evidence to back it up, I’m taking the risk. It could serve as a constant reminder of what I have to do, or pressure me into following through because I’ve put it up here to everyone to see: either way, I win, I guess.

1. Be more involved – maintain a firm stance of my own in issues concerning the country, give back to my community, continue to take genuine interest in the lives of those around me and do whatever I can to help them

2. Be more sociable – judge people less; get to know and interact with people from as many different social circles as possible; learn how to make the first move, engage in small talk (!!!) and not end the conversation with an awkward laugh

3. Be more street smart – be confident when on my own in public places, distinguish when I’m being fooled by people, learn how to get out of sticky situations without having to ask for help

I don’t exactly have everything down pat yet but at this point, it’s become somewhat comforting for me to think that I’m not expected to, and that no one my age knows exactly what they’re doing. We’re all clueless kids with no idea what the future holds and if we’re truly capable of handling it – we’re all hanging on to our empty attempts at reassuring ourselves. Anyone who denies this is probably just trying to make themselves feel better and I’d like you lot to know that we see through you! Despite the sheer hopelessness of our situations, I hope you all make amends with your right to not know whatever the heck you’re doing with your life right now and learn to trust the process. You’ve probably been through worse in the past, but here you are: beaten and bruised and still dusting yourself off from the last time life let you down but still alive and valid and fighting and that’s all that matters. We got this, fellow adult-er. And that is not to be mistaken for adulterer, by the way. That’s not something we should strive to be.

[juliannaconda]

Hello again...

...it’s been awhile! Let’s catch up on where I’ve been since my last post. The wearable theme led to wearable panel at SXSW in 2017. Around that same time, I saw an opportunity to work in finance investing in real estate. 

Why finance? Because behind every product decision is a KPI. Behind every KPI is a business’s need to stay in business. Optimizing KPIs generally boils down to some form of financial problem solving. Finance problems are some of the most interesting ones to solve because they breathe life into the business and its mission. There were peaks and valleys, and many lessons learned in the process of going out on my own. But three years later, I have a real estate investment business that produces passive income. 

In 2017, I left my job in tech knowing that I wanted to go to school. I started off by taking some Philosophy courses online. I needed to orient myself. Through that, I decided to follow that which gave my life meaning. I worked on the real estate investment thing for awhile, and had a good time doing it. Then, my husband and I both took some time off of work to “find ourselves”. I took the GRE and applied to a Finance program, while my husband started researching opportunities to start his own business. I got accepted to said Finance program and my husband invited me to join his startup. I chose love! Err, I mean...I chose the start-up!!

Our team built a real estate software product and learned what was needed to become profitable. Shortly after, we shutdown the start-up. I’m not gunna lie - that stung...it really stung. But insert quote here about how repeated failures lead to great success. Then, fast forward to today. The ideas behind the start-up were folded into a third business, also in the real estate industry. 

My job in this new business one of the lowest regarded professions in the United States. Consumers rated their respect for my profession in the lowest 25%, lower than that of sex workers. And who can blame them - sex workers sell sex. I just sell real estate. 

Some of you throw up a little in your mouth when you hear the word “Realtor”. You mind gets jumpy, your hands get shaky, and you start asking yourself, “Where’s the pitch? What’s her angle? I’m not falling for this, you witch!” Don’t worry, the pitch is on my other blog. My only angle here is self-expression and there’s nothing to fall for.

So...what else have I been up to? On the yoga front, I finally completed my RYT-200, which is a yoga teacher certification for those who aren’t familiar. I also leveled up my meditation practice. 

As for video games, I passed through some obsessions with Pocket Morty’s and Destiny2. My love for 3D world building lives on through home improvement projects. Meanwhile, entrepreneurship feeds my desire to learn and explore reward systems.

What happened to being a designer? I got to take watercolor and drawing classes on the side while I was starting the real estate investment business. I lead some branding and graphic design work in my product role at the start-up. Working with a team is something I really miss as a Realtor. But, I got to bring my design skills over to the business’s branding. You can see some of the video stuff I’ve learned how to do on the @scruggsgroup Instagram. I also designed the branding on our website and some of the website layout, like the landing page: https://scrug.gs 

Maybe it’s a stretch to frame what I’ve done for the past four years as being related to yoga, video games, or design. To some, my career in general might seem “all over the place”. Video game design includes designing the whole world, and I learned a lot in my 8-years in that industry. In one of my past articles, I discuss how I saw my progression from games to UX to Product Management. I failed to see why these things weren’t related or why I couldn’t do them all. So, I just did them and I really loved it. What I loved the most though was working with people. 

In a world where most Realtors are regarded as pesky sales people, it’s futile to relate what I do to the respectable profession of video game design, or product management. I’ll give it to you - designing the latest MMORPG fart pack had its glamour back in the day. Now, I protect folks from leaving money on the table in the sale of their single largest investment. This job gives my life meaning.

Still, through the isolation and separation of the pandemic I struggle with the social implications of being a Realtor. I have a need to connect with others and belong within my community. But as a real estate agent, my job labels me as salesy, annoying, pushy, and self-interested. As a new Realtor, you can expect some of your friends to occasionally drop off the face of the earth. Most of them will come back around once they’ve completed some milestone in the sales cycle. Any milestone will do, as long as it frees them from any feelings of obligation to you. I wish I could urge my friends early back with a trusty, “It’s okay, we can still be friends.” Sadly, if you don’t want to validate fears of pushiness, it’s best to say very little to people in hiding.

My job as a Realtor is really isolating in other ways, too. Before I was an agent, I real estate was a major interest of mine and I had friends who shared my interest in real estate. Now that I’m an agent, a lot of those conversations have changed. Some friends won’t talk about real estate with me anymore because they don’t want to “use me” for free advice. Others avoid it because they fear obligating themselves to me. 

Beyond isolating myself from friends, I don’t get to be my genuine self as a Realtor. My mentors and experience have taught me a new variety of dumb ass advice agents give their clients. Now that I know about these shenanigans, I see them all the time. The irony is that if I weren’t an agent anymore, I could tell my friends if I saw their agent getting them into shenanigans. Now, I can’t tell my friends their agent is leading them astray unless they ask. The folks who trust my judgement either hire me or ask my opinion. Barring that, I standby and watch friends make the same mistakes over and over. It hurts my ego but the best way I can help my friend in these situations is by just being there.

So anyways, being a Realtor isn’t all roses and sunshine. It hurts to be seen as disingenuous when I’m being genuine. It sucks to see my friends get hurt and know they don’t trust me. And it sucks that feel like I have to behave in ways that are not genuine lest my actions be stuffed in to the worst possible interpretation.

Thankfully, my days in product management prepared me for a lot of this. A big part of that role was getting people to work for you even though they don’t report to you. I had to be mindful of when my requests might be interpreted as demands. Demands were rarely met with action. Sometimes, a person could be in a place where any request was seen as a demand. So, I needed to make a lot of guesses about how people saw me in relation to themselves. As social critters, we humans are constantly signaling how we feel or don’t feel about ourselves or others. 

I watch for these cues as a Realtor. I know these cues have the power to crystalize into reality. Those who believe everyone wants something from them don’t give space for others to exist beyond those expectations. You can set the bounds of friendship or be open to boundless friendship. I’m learning to walk away from people who demand I be someone I’m not. 

Now that we’ve become reacquainted, I’m excited to start blogging with you here and again. I’m also super excited to have somewhere I can write without running my copy through Grammarly or HemingwayApp. (Though maybe I should, for your sake.) I’m happy to have this safe corner of the internet where I can quietly contemplate aloud.