#anyways authors responding to my comments on their fic and receiving comments on my own fic are equally pleasing just in different ways :)

[alliluyevas]

Fic Author Interview (meme)

I was tagged by the lovely @heckofabecca. Thanks, Becca :)

1- How many works do you have on AO3?

71...I honestly was a bit surprised it was that many. I guess I've had that account a while and it adds up! Almost all of them are oneshots, though.

2- What's your total AO3 word count?

204,091.

3- What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

They're all ATLA, which makes sense when you think about it. ATLA is probably the second-biggest fandom I've written for other than ASOIAF, but ASOIAF is so big it's sometimes hard to get noticed. That being said, when I sort by hits, three of the top five are ASOIAF so I guess more people are reading those and not liking them. It probably helps that my top-kudos ATLA fics are all Zuko-centric and he's one of the most popular ATLA characters in fic whereas I think the ASOIAF topics I focus on are perhaps a bit more niche.

tongued with fire (728 kudos)

i got soul, but i'm not a soldier (714 kudos)

cold fire (655 kudos)

we die with the dying; we are born with the dead (597)

the sword and the pen (577 kudos)

4- Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! I'll respond to all comments on recently published fic (unless it's a hate comment, which I delete) and for older works I try to respond, especially if it's a substantive comment. I like to engage with readers, especially since I tend to write a lot of really niche fandoms and it's nice to connect with other fans.

5- What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

probably either another atla fic that's set right after ursa leaves zuko and azula behind or this big love fic which has an ending that is... not necessarily angsty for the narrator but super bleak in context.

6- What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

I don't typically write fluffy romantic fic (I usually do more bittersweet gen focused on family relationships) but I did when I participated in the Jaime/Brienne ship exchange a few times and this bakery-themed modern AU is probably my fluffiest/happiest ending. Exchanges are kind of fun because this is very much the type of fic I would not have ever written on my own.

7- Do you write crossovers?

I have not!

8- Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes, lol. My Lannister twins genderswap fic was very controversial among a certain subset of fans who vocally disagreed with my characterization (I will sum this up as them basically believing that genderswapped Jaime would just be canon Cersei which...lol). That's the only fic I've ever got hate comments on, though I did get a really bizarre comment back in ninth grade on FF.net before I migrated to ao3 where the person enjoyed the fic but also used the comment to grandstand against abortion, a topic that in no way was mentioned in my fic. Sir This Is A Wendy's.

9- Do you write smut?

I do write sex scenes but I wouldn't describe them as smut because they're non-explicit and mostly like fade to black stuff.

10- Have you ever had a fic stolen?

YES LMFAOOOOOOOO SOMEONE TOOK A MULTICHAPTER FIC I WROTE ABOUT NINA AND OLEG FROM THE AMERICANS AND SELF-PUBLISHED IT ON AMAZON AS AN EBOOK.

11- Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think someone asked if they could translate one of my fics into another language but it was years ago and I don't remember if they did it or not or which fic it was or even which language it was.

12- Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, my first ever fic! Me and my best friend wrote it in sixth grade and it's an unfinished sequel to Ivanhoe. We never published it, though. It's really, really bad lol.

13- What's your all-time favorite ship?

Tony and Carmela Soprano. sorry. Not ship in the fandom sense but...relationship of all time. (I honestly tend to write for canon pairings that I want to build on, anyway). In the traditional sense of "wanting them to get together in canon", probably Jaime/Brienne.

14- What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I honestly don't really have a lot of published WIPs, because I tend to do oneshots and if they're not ready they're just not published. Right now I do have a two-chapter Greek mythology/Iliad retelling I wrote in high school that is absolutely never going to get updated ever, but frankly I don't feel particularly strongly about finishing that. I did have an actual multichapter WIP with the Lannister genderswap fic that I really felt bad about not working on, but I finally finished it!

15- What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good with dialogue and characterization! A lot of my fic focuses on precanon/younger versions of canon characters ("flashback fic") and I think I'm pretty good at developing backstories. Also if I may say so myself, I write decent prose.

16- What are your writing weaknesses?

Plotting, which is why I tend to do shorter character-study stories. I really struggle with doing actual plotlines. (This is also a problem in my original fiction, lol. I'm always like. Okay I have these fascinating people in an interesting setting. Now what the hell are they going to do).

17- What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If it makes sense in context, like a bilingual character, sure. I do think it should probably be written so that it's clear what is going on to readers who only know the primary language of the fic, though.

18- What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Other than the aforementioned Ivanhoe sequel, it was Harry Potter.

19- What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

Can't really think of anything!

20- What's your favorite fic you've written?

I'm very proud of the Lannister genderswap fic because it's probably my most significant achievement in terms of plotting, which as I mentioned is hard for me, and I'm really happy I returned to it after over a year's hiatus and finished it! I'm also really proud of this big love fic because I appreciate the effort I put into fleshing out the characters' world (including historical research) and I think it is a really good work of character study.

Tagging @when-did-this-become-difficult @ofhouseadama and anyone else who wants to do this, I can't think of many mutuals on here whose fanfiction output I'm particularly familiar with.

[ladykettlechips]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

I have been tagged by @suspendingtime to participate in this fun little questionnaire, so let's do the thing I love most, and write some bullshit!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I went to count, but AO3 luckily has the amount of works in a bracket, so, 6!

I thought I had more but, nope. Those are just the WIP's that have no endings or a first chapter written now gathering dust, lol.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

I had to break out my calculator for this, because it's hefty. Anyway, it's 98,934, and now I'm mad it's not 100k exactly. 1,066 words to go!!!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Bridgerton, and that's it. I don't know if I will write for others just yet because no other show or series has that kind of chokehold on me yet.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Sugar Spike (568)

Made to Be (369)

The moments in-between (337)

Playing Dirty (219)

I sin (because of you) (144)

It's weird looking at the kudos as they stand currently, only because I see them in my inbox and just think 'oh, yay! Kudos!' but seeing them in one go is pretty fun? It's weird (in a nice way) to think so many people have read or engaged with a fic.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do my best to, and it's because I genuinely like the engagement with your readers and other authors. It's something I did during my original fanfic era and one I wanted to continue when I started writing for Kanthony.

In part, it's due to my gratitude for a person taking time out of their day to read what I have written, and also because I personally enjoy receiving a message from an author who created something that resonated with me, or simply made me giddy.

Speaking of, I need to reply to some comments for Made to Be... be right back.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Have I had an angsty ending yet? I don't think so.

I'm not in my angst era of writing for Kanthony just yet, but it'll happen. It always happens...

OH, WAIT! Maybe the crack!fic of the table Anthony and Kate do the deed on constantly. Poor table! There is no happy ending in sight for it 😂

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

My fanfics are mainly smut, so they're all happy endings 😂 but for the sake of answering this, let's say Sugar Spike as it's the only complete one with a concrete ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I'm waiting for that to begin with bated breath, mate 😂

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I'm convinced it's all I'm gonna write at this point, and it's usually the banter-fuelled type with lots of Anthony worshipping Kate. Probably a bit vanilla for some, I'm not one for anything too out there, but I enjoy the fact they kinda pine for one another and will be hungry for each other an then tender when needed.

(My brain thought of the word tender, and I promptly thought 'mmmmm, chicken tenders. Brains be weird)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

So, I haven't in a while BUT when I was a looot younger, think pre-teens and early teens, I actually wrote a fair few crossovers. I think the weirdest was Xiaolin Showdown with anything from Teen Titans, to various anime characters and such making appearances. Pretty sure I still own the notebook I wrote that in.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. I laughed when it happened, but this was years ago. If people are gonna steal, they will steal. It sucks, but people prove time and again they're not all that great sometimes.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope to this, too! I'm unsure how I would go about it tbh, I am so easily confused sometimes... but I love when authors partner up and create something beautiful together to share with the world.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Kanthony, duh 😂

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I think it'll probably be one I have had in the works for AGES, and is supposed to be like 4 or so chapters long. It was my first foray into a slightly possessive Anthony, which was fun, but unsure if I managed to capture him correctly.

Do I want to finish it? YES! If I post the first chapter, it might actually force me into gear with it, but for now it sits in my drafts, gathering cobwebs and dust in WIP jail.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I had a hard time coming to terms with it, but dialogue. I actually considered this my weakness at one point, but I've come to realise it's where my strength lies mostly.

I think detail is also a strength. I love writing surroundings and feelings, and detailing everything. Of course, this can also be one of my greatest weaknesses.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I have a hard time fitting other characters in outside of the main couple. I seem to have a lens on one thing at most times, and that can hinder things in regard to progress of the greater story. Of course, Bridgerton has a giant cast of characters which makes things difficult at times.

I am also far too wordy, and I have a bad habit of repetition and over-using the em dash (—). I suck at grammar too, and can info-dump a fair bit. I also have this terrible tendency to edit while I write, which means I don't create a plan or outline or general skeleton, and that hinders me greatly sometimes.

I also swear a lot in fics, which can be seen as good or bad, but I rely on it too much sometimes. Also, I take too much time to write or edit sometimes and hate that aspect of myself when writing. I just wish I could write without a worry and then edit later, but nope! I have to take time, and if I'm in a really bad mental slump, it can take ages to write.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've tried it once and honestly, I think it's great if you know the language or have done some research into it. I didn't know the language well enough when I tried it once before, so I haven't returned to it again.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Teen Titans! The OG cartoon series, not the newer one.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

'The moments in-between' and 'Made to Be'. I can't really choose, but all of them have a special place in my heart for various reasons.

°❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈°

Now I gotta do the difficult thing, which is harassing another poor soul to attempt this fun little questionnaire. SO, let's tag these poor unfortunate souls...

@doodlingawaits @iwishyouwouldstop @misstwentyynine @folklauerate @pineberrysins ... AND ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO DO IT! If you wanna take part, just do it!! Okay, I need to chill now. BYE, THANKS FOR READING :D

[countessrivers]

Author Interview

I was tagged by @myulalie and @polarnacht1. Thanks

1. How many works do you have on ao3:

50.

2. What's my total ao3 wc:

305,629.

3. What are my top 5 fics by kudos:

Likely influenced by time as 3 of these are Gotham fics which have been up for longer, but 2 of them are DW and they're (relatively) newer.

Tells Me "Worship in the Bedroom" - Bruce/Jeremiah, E

An encounter in a church, after Bruce gets left behind. Follows on from the end of 5x03 'Penguin, Our Hero'.

Deadly Fever, Please Don't Ever Break - Ten/Simm!Master, T+

The Master bares his teeth, free hand moving to press against the Doctor’s stomach. 

“Don’t,” the Doctor says, tightening his grip on his arm. 

“Make me.” 

The Doctor feels a burn where the Master’s hand is pressing into him, even through his clothes, but he doesn’t flinch away, squeezes the Master’s arm even harder instead, and brings his other hand up to pin his shoulder. 

“Don’t.” 

The Master isn’t going to run again, the Doctor’s not going to let him. 

The Doctor lands on Earth, and feels a familiar presence he'd thought lost.

Lacrymosa - Bruce/Jeremiah, M

"Lie, pretend, hide, change your name, put on a mask, lock yourself away in the centre of a labyrinth - it doesn’t matter. Nobody can run forever. "

Jeremiah between 4x18 and 4x20.

Sweet Blooded and I'm Stranded - Ten/Simm!Master, E

The Master isn’t doing anything as pathetic as avoiding the Doctor. Because that would be pathetic.

And he’s not.

(Not pathetic. Not avoiding the Doctor.)

*** The Master (who is doing fine, and doesn't need the Doctor anyway) stumbles back across his own timeline and runs into a Tenth Doctor who still believes he's dead.

One Hand on my Cheekbone, One Hand on the Rope - Bruce/Jeremiah, M

Bruce is not dealing well with a great many things.

Jeremiah just happens to be at the top of the list of things he's not dealing with.

Or maybe, he's just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Bruce, in the aftermath of 'Ace Chemicals'.

4. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do. I'm very, very behind (so sorry to everyone who has left a lovely comment on one of my fics) but I intend to catch up. To begin with I just like/thanking and acknowledging people who took the time to leave a comment, and then it sometimes will give me a chance to talk some more about the fic and my thoughts/ideas behind it.

5. What fic has the angstiest ending?

Roots in my Dreamland (Midam) maybe. It's not too bad, but Adam is still technically stuck in the cage and isn't having a great time. There were plans for a series that would follow through to the end of the show (with a happier ending) and maybe I'll come back to it one day.

Similarly, my To Sit in Hell With You (Bruce/Jeremiah) series, which I'll admit I didn't plan well because I would write the parts on a whim/when inspiration struck and not chronologically so while it all makes sense in my head, in hindsight I don't think it's the best experience for readers. Ultimately it had this stockholmed/broken Bruce story - with Arkham Kight vibes - that was fairly angsty, and the last entry in particular which focused on Jim and Bruce, was definitely that.

And One Hand on my Cheekbone... is basically just angst.

6. What fic has the happiest ending?

Devotion (Yassen/Alex, T+) is the only one that really stands out to me as having a proper happy ending.

A lot of my fic is smut, so does a happy ending count?

7. Do you write crossovers?

Not strict crossovers, but AUs based on another setting often enough. I have a Star Wars fic in the works that name drops Anakin and Obi-Wan if that counts?

8. Have you received hate on ao3?

Not strictly hate. I've had some very odd comments that have nitpicked (what I think are irrelevant) details while not even mentioning whether they finished the fic, much less enjoyed it, which I think is just entirely unnecessary. Or have requested that I write an idea they have, again without commenting on the fic they're posting on. But that's the worst of it.

9. Do you write smut?

Regularly.

10. Have you had a fic get stolen?

Not that I know of.

11. Have you had a fic get translated?

The only one I'm aware of is One Hand on my Cheekbone...

12. Have you co-written a fic?

No.

13. What's your fav ship?

It varies. Right now, Alex/Yassen, but if you go through my fics you'll see the range. Doctor/Master is a pretty eternal one.

14. What's a WIP you want to finish but never will?

I have a few in both the Gotham and Supernatural fandoms. There's a chance I could go back to them, the hyperfixation would just need to swing that way again. I've mentioned a few above, but also Talking While the Wolves Close In (Midam, AU post 'Point of No Return) though that is one I particularly *want* to finish.

15. What are my writing strengths?

I like to think my smut is pretty good at this point. In general I think my writing flows quite well too if that makes sense. I've been told something similar about my academic writing, so I think all that practice has meant my writing - content aside - looks/sounds/reads/flows well.

16. What are my writing weaknesses?

I struggle with dialogue. A line here or there is fine, and I like to think I can make it in-character, but full conversations I struggle with, particularly then trying to match it with movement/the characters actually doing things. Or maybe I then overcompensate and include too much of that when a bunch of back and forth dialogue would be fine without the "interruptions". I guess the problem is I can't quiet tell what the right balance is.

Can't do long plotty fics either. Wish I could, but I always lose steam/motivation before I can finish it. And/or it feels like so much work to get to the bits and pieces I actually want to write within it.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages on ao3?

Fine when done right I guess, but I've never done it apart from maybe a word or two here and there (where I'm pretty certain I've got it right). I know a few languages but none fluently enough to be confident basically. I stuck some Russian in the note of my first AR fic that was the translation of a joke alluded to in the fic itself (taken from the Archer episode the fic was basically parodying - he finds the grenade "hanging from the lampshade") but otherwise I tend to cheat and just say they're speaking another language, potentially using italics.

18. What's the first fandom you wrote for?

DCEU as far as anyone checking my AO3 knows, but there was some earlier stuff for Star Trek '09 way back when I think (that will never see the light of day).

19. What fandom/ship have you not written but want to?

At the moment I don't really have a burning need to write for anything other than what I already have.

20. What's your fav fic you've written?

Lacrymosa is one I'm really happy with, but I also still really like Our Old Friends Are Now Our Enemies (Bruce/Jeremiah, post-series), Hold Me Down (Alex/Yassen, Alex/Julia vamp AU), Strange One... (Alex/Julius/Yassen), and My Doctor's Can't Explain (Alex/Yassen)/

And tagging @too-many-rooks and @pigandpepper if you’re interested.

[heich0e]

liv do you prefer people leave comments/reviews in reblogs? i usually just send the author something in their inbox so i'm sure they see it but have i been doing it wrong? is it actually annoying this way? 🥲

ok so firstly: i cannot imagine a world in which sharing your feedback/kind thoughts/love for a piece of writing could ever EVER be considered ANNOYING. secondly: i don't for one second believe myself qualified nor capable of speaking for any author other than myself, so I can rly only attest to my own preferences/thoughts on the subject!!

sharing your feedback in ANY way is so SO incredibly appreciated, whether that be in the tags of a reblog or otherwise. this might sound silly but as a writer i'm always incredibly grateful (/relieved??) whenever anyone feels compelled to let me know they read what i wrote and liked it. just that simple acknowledgement that like, hey, that thing i created has made its way to another human being is tremendously reassuring. someone saw it. someone read it. someone liked it. i knew it and it was mine and now it's ours because they know it too.

that being said! when i get asks with comments/responses to a fic i always ALWAYS struggle with responding. i worry that whatever i manage to reply pales in comparison to how kind the initial ask was, and rarely (if ever) properly conveys how deeply appreciative i am to have received the message. i worry that i'm not doing justice to the sincere gratitude i feel. because of that i often end up just hoarding these asks until i "feel like I can reply right"—which, if i'm being entirely honest, means i probably just end up keeping it in my inbox forever and feel worse because i never replied at all.

to me (perhaps rather selfishly) the benefit to comments left in the tags of a reblog is that the pressure i feel in forming a response is gone, and i can also easily refer back to them in the future by going back to the notes of the original post. some people also don't reblog posts at all (let alone with tags) which is of course another issue entirely, but that's definitely been talked about enough that it doesn't need me bringing it up again. there's something very sweet to me about someone reblogging something i wrote with their thoughts in the tags for the great wide world to see... like a goodreads review or something. idk if this even makes sense lmaooo

but that being said, none of those "benefits" outweigh the worth of receiving feedback (in any form) and i would never want someone to think or feel that an ask with their comments wasn't welcome because it 10000% is. always. ALWAYS. i also recognize that some people are just more comfortable interacting anonymously, and I don't deny anyone that right!! being perceived is scary sometimes!! but the fact of the matter is that interaction (in all forms! asks/tags/reblogs/even likes in some cases) seems to be down, but strangely i seem to be gaining just as many followers as usual, which can rly only logically lead me to the assumption that YES people are reading it, they just aren't acknowledging it. which feels.... idk. devastating feels dramatic, but it also feels right.

anyway, sorry this got long. just my two cents! (if u adjust for inflation it's 200000000000 cents.) love you! drink some water!

[thequietsoliloquy]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you for the tag @reggieblk. I know this blog is not known for my AO3 stuff, but I wanted to respond here anyway since NaNoWriMo is coming and I'll be writing fanfics for it. My fandom blogs are @deadfandomswriter for mostly things MXTX and @adeadlyobsession for mostly things Harry Potter

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

13

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

384 803 but a large chunk of it is from my co-author, I think on my own it's closer to 100K-150k at most.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Mo Dao Zu Shi (Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation) and recently I started getting back into the very first fandom I've ever published for: Harry Potter.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

How My Life Changed At The Honey Bun Cafe (MDZS AU), The Hanged Man's Tale (HP), Floating, Style and Public Affection (MDZS)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why? Why not?

Most of the time. I think it's important to show appreciation for the comments received at the very least because I do appreciate them and I want people taking time to comment to know that.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

One I recently deleted cause I had a hard time writing it in chapters since I felt it would be better written as a long one shot instead, it's called The Choices We Make in the Mo Dao Zu Shi fandom.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them XD I tend to write happy endings more often than not, or if not, my one shots are snapshots of a moment in time, most often fluff.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So far no, although I have received some comments that confused me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, although so far I only have one fic with explicit smut on AO3, the rest is still being written. I like to explore all kind of stuff when writing smut so I'm not picky about the kind.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No, the most I've ever done is osmosis of different versions of the same story (mix up Mo Dao Zu Shi with The Untamed for example).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, but I legit pity fic thieves. You need a whole lot of delusion, abysmal self-esteem and an overactive need for external validation to steal creative work and pass it off as your own. What a sad life to live. Pitiful.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I welcome those!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! The longest one I've ever worked on with my wife and co-author Konnei.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I don't have one really, I like multi-ships and I don't have forever OTP's, but I am very fond of Lingzhen, as proven by the amount of one-shots I wrote about them.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I honestly think I'll finish them all in time! The only WIPs I am at risk of not finishing are those that are still just ideas and not started yet, and I don't really consider those wip since, you know, not yet in progress XD

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've been told I have a good flow in my writing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Poetry is my main writing style, and I often struggle with just saying things as they are because of that. There are often sentences I write that have a clear meaning to me, but when others read them, they have no idea what I'm talking about because the meaning is more abstract. I think in images more than words, and that comes with its own set of struggles a lot of the time too.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'm bilingual French-English so I have no problems doing that most of the time. I also tend to learn basics of languages I want to include in stories too, like Chinese for Mo Dao Zu Shi or Croatian for an OG story I'm working on. I like learning new languages in general, and adding them to my stories helps to motivate me to learn. That being said, when it comes time to read fics with other languages, my appreciation all depends on the writing style of the writer.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Inuyasha, back when I didn't even know what fanfics were, but Harry Potter was the first I ever published for once upon a time on FF.net

20. Favourite fics you’ve written?

Oh god, that's like asking me who's my favourite child... I think everything I end up sharing online is there specifically because I love it so much, even those that are written in a style that I have evolved from now. I'm at a point now where I prefer to publish fanfics only when they are finished, hence deleting two of my WIPs from AO3 recently, so I must feel happy with what I wrote to share it. Everything I upload online is a favourite of some sort.

Tagging: @arijensineink if you have fics to talk about, and if not I'd love to read your answers for your OG wips

[lordoftherazzles]

For the writer asks, all questions with a 2 in them, please. :-)

Alright, okay, holy shit lmao this is gonna be a big one. AND I AM UP FOR THE CHALLENGE!! Thank you Fizzy!!

Throwing this under the cut as there are a LOT of questions.

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

I already answered this one here!

12. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

I think every writer loves feedback. All we want to do is yell about our stories with people - that being said, not everyone has the time to leave a comment and I understand that. However, I feel engagement is super important to keep a fandom alive. I try not to get stuck on that though - I feel like I get a decent amount of feedback, and then there's some fics that receive little to none. It's just how things are. Feedback encourages me to work faster on certain pieces, and a lack of engagement makes me feel like I can be slower on others.

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

Yes. I use various headcanons, phrases and themes throughout my stories. It's how you know they're mine I guess lol - I always include blueberries in some fashion, I always describe Bilbo's hazel eyes meeting Thorin's blues, fireflies and freedom, etc. I love fluff, hurt/comfort, etc. So I like to stick to my wheelhouse and use styles/phrases I know that work.

21. Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

idk @sunnyrosewritesstuff, would I?

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

I won't do reader inserts, or change from 3rd person pov. Those aren't my wheelhouse and I feel uncomfortable trying to do those. As for tropes, pregnancy fics, love triangles, a/b/o, and I'm sure some others, they just aren't really what I'm looking for as a writer.

23. Best writing advice for other writers?

Don't compare yourself to other writers - no one does a fic just like you. You may have a similar concept, but no fic is exactly the same because no author is exactly the same. Also, stats do not determine what is a good or a bad fic. Do not obsess over them, they mean NOTHING.

24. Worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?

See above and reverse it.

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

Probably my TRSB fic from 2022, Between Vices & Virtues. It's a 40k multichapter I worked very hard on over the course of 2-3 months and it just feels like it didn't do as well as I'd hoped. I love it anyway :) which is what matters.

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Where The Shadows Lie, definitely. It's a crackshit fic, as I call it. But Fuck Thy Neighbor is creeping up on that list as my very fun rom-com fic lol

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

The planning and actual writing is my favorite part. My least favorite part is the summary/tags/title lol honestly, my bane!

28. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

Some days are better than others. Some days I write 0 words, others I can pump out nearing 3k. It depends on my mood.

29. What’s your revision or editing process like?

I go through my chapter/fic with spelling/grammar in mind. Then once all that is done, I read it aloud (most of the time) to check for flow and what not to make sure it sounds right to my own ears. It's pretty simple, but time-consuming.

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

I love so many writers???? But the first three that came to mind were @i-did-not-mean-to @sunnyrosewritesstuff and @ahufflepuffhobbit

42. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

So, I am a very slow reader. But the last thing I was working on reading was a WIP by @theladygreiwolf, already, I definitely recommend it, but it's not ready yet 👀

52. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes. I try to respond to as many comments as possible - I do this because I like to engage with other people about xyz story. I also want people to know how much I appreciate that they took the time to leave a comment, it's the least I can do in return!

62. Thoughts on cliffhangers?

I love cliffhangers. I use them now and again in my own works!

72. What order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

Chronological 99% of the time. I think there was (1) whole case where I wrote the end of a chapter and then went back to do the beginning. I was in the mood to write that content, and it had to come out or I'd explode.

[tcookies777]

I’m sorry to see those entitled readers that are b!tching about the ending of act 1 and the lack of smut. I hope you can take a good rest and ignore them. At first I was sad that it’s gonna be a really long time before the 2nd act start but now seeing these people constant b!tching about the pacing, I hope you take a break as long as you want and hopefully those readers turn to dust by then. I know you said you will finish this fic but If I were you, I would have stopped writing (Please don’t abandon this fic though🥺) so these little sh!ts get nothing. I’m sorry you have to constantly deal with these people for such a long time now but thank you for not giving up on TAOL.

On a side note, the animation quality for Sasuke retsuden……it’s over for us💀 . We can only rely on the manga now.

There are many times when I just want to abandon TAOL. I have all the outlines for the chapters done like a movie script, so technically I can read the story just fine for myself. There are also plenty of other fanfic projects I've been eager to work on.

But then I am reminded of a story that I was telling another reader in a chat just earlier:

The whole time the writer had been updating the fic, she had been secretly battling cancer too. Of course, that's not something you'd want to tell your readers and neither is it their business to know. And sadly she received very few comments when updating. Most of the readers wanted to wait until later in the story or at its end to comment at all.

But the moment she stopped updating, everyone came out of the woodwork to flood her comment section demanding when the next update is. They were getting sick and tired of waiting. It was a mystery fic so many questions they had about the story were left unanswered. So the more they got impatient. When the author didn't respond (because she had died of course), they started flooding her comments with hate, harassment, and insults, and such entitlement to make your lip curl in disgust. Out of the whole sea of vile comments, only 1 reader had bothered to stand up for her. To this day, it's still the most toxic comment section I'd ever laid eyes on.

Every time I think of that writer, I think of all the other writers who had abandoned their fics. They already have so much to deal with in real life, and constant harassment or entitlement from even 1 reader is more than enough to wear them out. So they quit the fic. I've heard some writers even fake their own deaths just so that they can abandon their fic and avoid harassment from enraged readers. Some writers, unfortunately, even commit suicide because of all the online abuse.

So while I do take breaks from the fic for my own sanity and health, I don't want to abandon the fic because it feels like I'm letting the haters win. And also I've been receiving so much support and kindness from so many readers like you. I know very well that only like 5% of my audience are trolls and haters - everyone else has just been wonderful. Like I said in that Love Note, it's not fair to punish all of you guys just because of the crimes of the few.

As an aside, I want to apologize that you guys even had to see this whole mess in the first place. I hate that it's ruined the fanfiction experience of so many readers.

Also, I haven't seen the animation for Sasuke Retsuden yet, but now I am terrified after seeing your Ask 😰 I already had low expectations to begin with because I actually don't like the current animation style for Boruto. Especially the faces... they look so weirdly chibi because the jawlines are rounded too much for my taste.

Idk maybe it's Dad weight 😂

But also, I was still hoping that the animation team behind the Shinden season would animate Sasuke Retsuden. I mean Shinden season animated many of the other Retsuden novels anyway. The Shinden arc was like the peak animation.

But you're right, at least we still have the manga :')

[wild-karrde]

I see the anons are out in full force tonight, so let me just contribute my two cents that no one asked for in terms of interaction:

I find it very weird that people are getting upset that people that are friends on here share each other's works frequently. Of course they do. That's what friends do. I am not personally close friends with a ton of writers on here (I would like to be, but that doesn't happen immediately), but the people that I have become friends with took time, and I absolutely share the people's stuff that I'm closer to. That's what friends do. And of course I want to grow that friend circle, but friendships don't happen immediately, especially online, where a certain degree of caution should always be exercised. And yes, I want to share more writers' fics, but there are only so many hours in the day.

Now I'm only going to speak for me personally and let everyone else do their own talking: I get most annoyed about interaction when I get the question "When is your next update?" or "Why don't you update more?" Well, because I spend hours of my free time researching stuff, putting a lot of myself into these fics, and then when I put them out there, the people that ask these questions are nowhere to be found. Putting something you create online is terrifying, especially if it's something that means a lot to you, so hoping for positive reception when you share something like that shouldn't be unexpected. It's like when you are talking about anything you're passionate about with someone; you want them to be passionate about it too, and to have that thing be something you created? Even more so.

For interaction, I do try to respond to as many of the comment reblogs as I can. I try to share new fics I enjoy when they roll across my dash. But here's the thing: I spend hours writing fics, I spend hours editing them, I spend a significant amount of time replying to comments I receive, and then I try to find time to read fics and leave comments I feel are adequate (no half-assing anything because hey that sucks). Writers dedicate a lot of their time to writing (shocking, I know), so being upset that writers aren't creating and sharing and replying to your comments and then reading every new thing sent to them and commenting on those and reblogging things is... a lot. Can you not see that?

This whole ecosystem on this site depends on everyone sharing, and yes, that burden does fall largely on readers that aren't also writers. There's no way around that. I don't get responses to every comment I leave, and that's alright. Writers are busy. I can't get to every fic that's recommended to me, and that's got to be ok too. My to-read list on here is a mile long. I literally have multiple tabs open on fics I am trying to get caught back up on RIGHT NOW. I also have a whole ass job and life outside of writing. This isn't a job for people; it's a hobby that we do for free because we enjoy it.

I'm sure I've missed things I wanted to say and not said things correctly here, but I'm annoyed and this is where I'm ending the rant.

Anyway, quit being shitty in people's inboxes tonight. It's fucking weird, and quite frankly, fan behavior when you continue to target the same subset of authors over and over again. Go touch some grass and stop being shitty on the Internet to people that wouldn't hang out with you in real life either.

[cut-off-the-grain]

got sent this one today. of course you can ignore this, but i'm sending it anyway <33 - Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

@dobranocka It’s been three weeks since you sent this but let’s do it!

1 The Days Were Made For Running (And The Nights Were Made For Love) Lord of the Rings, Gimli/Legolas

This was such a fun one because it really let me flex my writing skills. Of course it was all still my style, but I tried to incorporate Tolkien’s style as well. Someone bookmarked it and tagged it ‘the sex was good, the angst was better’ and I consider that one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received on my writing

2 Don’t Be Shy (You’ve Been Here Before) Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Hux/Kylo

This one makes the cut because of all the great friends I made because of it! I truly thought I would maybe get a comment and a few kudos, so I was overwhelmed by how people responded to this. I’m not even in TFA fandom anymore, but so many of the friendships I made have carried over, and that all started with this fic.

3 The Minor Fall, The Major Lift Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Hux/Kylo

Is it egotistical to say I wish this is what had happened in The Last Jedi?

4 I Will Find My Home In You Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Hux/Kylo

This was supposed to be a flip on the fake dating trope (they really are together but everyone thinks they’re making it up!) that somehow became an exploration of the weight and damage of family expectations and how to find yourself and love and free yourself from the role your family expects you to play. I reread it every Thanksgiving (hey, it’s like the author knew exactly what I like!)

5 let’s go, don’t wait (this night’s almost over) Be My Favorite, Pisaeng/Kawi

Truthfully this probably isn’t the strongest thing I’ve ever written, but it’s the first thing I’ve finished and been happy enough with to post in four (FOUR) years. Be My Favorite was a silly little Thai BL show I wasn’t expecting to enjoy as much as I did, and while I loved the ending, I found I wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to the characters. I wrote this on my phone at work while pretending to pay attention to a Zoom meeting. The words just burst out, and within and hour I was posting it on AO3. And anything that can remind me why I enjoy writing like this fic did deserves to be on this list. (yes the title is from a blink-182 song no i don’t feel as ashamed of that as i should)

I think I’ve rambled enough. All fics mention are posted on my AO3, link below.

And now it’s time to no pressure tag @fandomfix8 @glass-oceans @atlinmerrick @kyluxtrashpit @helliskylux

[dephirium]

So. I am leaving my fic's big ass infodump here because A) having it in the comments is ugly and B) I am too busy and tired to try to make it hmtl pretty on the author notes or whatever. Plus, AO3’s character limit is ass.

Here's the fic: Tha koimithó ótan petháno.

Funnies

Akire: I trust that mister Delamer and mister Maitsu are doing well together :)

Damon: *screaming, traumatized*

Jean: *screaming, also traumatized*

Damon: Why tf are you calling me a kid I am 18

Jean:

Jean: I thought you were like 16

Jean: I am worried about you.

Damon: Hahaha.

Damon: Oh you're not joking?

Damon: HAHAHahaHAhA—

Scrapped content

In chapter 2 I forgot to add that Jean notices signs of Petechiae (Red dots on the skin/cheeks, usually present after crying) on Damon's face, which he points out in the narration and mentally ponders "maybe he is not holding on as well as we thought." I don't fucking KNOW how I did not add it because I remember writing it into the doc but I guess I accidentally deleted it???? What-fucking-ever man I am too tired to rewrite that scene. Also, this chapter would not work as well if Jean was a lot more aware about how badly Damon was holding on. Sooo, yeah. Good forethought past me question mark.

(Jean knows general medical stuff because of his job / he binge read about it after the Edward thing to avoid any other crewmates being ill / hurt. Kind of comes out of left field in this chapter sorry lol I kind of gave up mid-fic so the quality is kind of bad)

In the titanic argument I was planning for Damon to respond “The debate was so bad I regret doing it sober,” or something of the sort. To which Jean asks Holy Shit You Drink ? Ended up scrapped because Damon, even while sleep deprived, is way too secretive about his abuse personal life for his own good. Besides, the scene was getting too long.

Also, yes, he does drink (/hc). Not by own volition most of the time, but he does. Legal drinking age? What is that? The Maitsu family never heard of it. (Wolfgang would have a stroke if he knew nobody tell him)

I actually planned a bit where, when Damon bandages Jean's wound (it was planned to happen on the bed and not the floor btw), Jean explains the items™ to Damon after he points out the first aid kit being the debater's and Damon looks at the ship captain like he grew a third head. Hence, explanation.

It felt too forced and I ended up removing it. You probably can figure it out with the context I left (I HOPE), but here is the explanation just in case:

(This idea was based on a fic by the lovely Insqmniac. I don't remember the name rn, sorry ;; EDIT: Acting and Pretending!!! They deleted the work but it was very good!) Tozu left an item for all the killing game participants with deep emotional and / or medical significance in their room’s nightstands. Be it a family memento, a candy brand you liked as a kid, a perfume that isn't sold anymore, prescription pills or eye contacts: That kind of stuff. It is like an intimidation tactic or something??? Something to scare the participants with bcs of the amount of information they have about their personal lives. Or something. I don't know man, it is 4 pm I have not slept in like 30 hours I have reached a new plane of existence. It just sounds so creepy and it is definitely something Tozu would do. Maybe. I already had the canon divergence tag so might as well utilize it in a angst way while at it /shrug

Jean received Edward’s marine dog tag, Damon received a first aid kit (and he's the only person in the killing game that has first aid equipment, fun). You can probably imagine why Jean reacted like that to seeing Damon’s item and his subsequent realization. Let's just say that Maitsudad was not kind.

I had a very lovely idea very late into this fic of playing on the concept of Dragons and snakes being very similar (in mythology/religion, anyways) but I couldn't figure out a way to include it organically in this fic (considering that the themes/metaphors of the fic were already too wonk as is) so I MIGHT get another Jean & Damon fic just to get that symbolism out of my head???

Not likely. I feel horrible about my poor characterization of the dude in this fic already.

I butchered Jean's characterization so bad I made salami with it,,,

In the Damon panic attack from Jean’s POV, I had to scrap a small line where Jean notes that some of the nonsense Damon is spewing in his panic is actually Spanish. Another hc of mine, personally Damon looks like the kind of guy to throw Hispanic slang and insult all your family lineage in one breath (and yes I am biased because I am Hispanic how could you tell. But no, he is not Hispanic, it is actually kind of complicated to explain). I will probably delve into that hc and my general mental illness about the backstory I made up for the guy (yes I am very normal about Damon shut up) in another fic I have planned.

I had to scrap so many Damon lines y'all. He is just. So easy to write. This dude is like depressed 14 year old me trying to seem edgy and pretentious istg.

Info dumping

I don't think I am doing a fic of Jean alone to actually write this down so, here, have the whole Edward situation and my delusions about it: basically, back when Jean was just becoming a ship captain by himself (he probably started as a cadet/assistant of one of his relatives, who was the ship captain themselves. Jean then took the job from them later down the line, idk) at age 18ish, there was this regular crew he had. One of the people in said crew was Edward, an asshole with self-worth issues who made it everyone else's problem.

On one departure, they get news of a big-ass storm happening, and they are very much stuck in the middle of the sea trying to just survive it(tm). Luckily it was a cargo ship so the only people they had to look for were themselves, but still.

Edward decides to be the main man on everything to prove his worth, that he means something to the crew, that his life has meaning. Everyone was kind of ignoring Edward's self destructive behavior (not their issue, they said). Jean in turn decided to try to do something about it, so new into the position and wanting the best for his crew, so he went to talk to Edward so he hopefully realizes he is being a moron and stops playing the martyr.

Edward, as you can tell by this fic, does not heed Jean’s pleas to take care of himself and decides to spitefully double down on his self-destructiveness so hard he fell ass backwards and killed himself due to sleep deprivation and starvation the fucking idiot.

(His crew, who were in their late 20s to mid 50s and had already seen some shit™, took care of the corpse themselves. They didn't want Jean, as young as he was, to see the body. He saw it anyways, if only on passing. Which is also the reason why he was more inclined to believe Eva when seeing the dummy, but details)

Jean blames himself over pushing Edward “too hard” and causing his death. (While at the same time he feels like he could have done MORE to avoid his death back then, ain't guilt fun?) That's why he fears pushing Damon too much until there's nothing he can do but twist the debater's arm into actually resting after days of watching the younger consistently get worse. And, welp, we know how that ends.

At least he tried tho. 乁( •_• )ㄏ

Another thing. Was the buddy system actually chosen at random or was Damon right about it being rigged?

... Who knows! Lol

Logically speaking I think it would make more sense for it to either be rigged in the random pairings to get the most optimal-ish outcome (List of pairings in chapter 1 AAA), or like Akire actually bullshitted the random bit to try to get Damon to cooperate. But in the other hand it would be too fucking funny if it was actually made at random and Damon is just being unnecessarily hostile and antagonizing for no reason. So, I wrote it to be ambiguous! probably!! Go have your own interpretation idk!!

Other miscellaneous notes

Eva had the exact same "You are doing this to keep tabs on us" train of thought as Damon, but unlike the debater she decided to cooperate on the plan without whining about it. She and Ingrid have an amazing time playing Dos in their dorm.

Desmond is having a shit time because he wants to help Ulysses have a, at least, decent sleep schedule since they are partners. They have a similar ish arc to Damon and Jean funnily enough, except all the trauma and accidental PTSD triggering.

The Titanic bit is actually a thing that happened. A dude legit predicted the Titanic it is bonkers (I learned this thanks to 999 and thought it would be funny to add it because sleep deprived Damon likes to info dump (yes I am neurodivergent how could you tell) and Jean is the fucking Ultimate Ship Captain what better chance can you get?). Also yes ships back then were bonkers it is hilarious.

When Jean returns with food after this fic him and Damon sit down to explain to the latter all the things he missed in the class meetings so Damon is not running with fake facts again (and hopefully avoid other panic attacks about it in the future). They are forced to communicate about being partners and while they are both still very emotionally stunted because of their respective traumas they at least have a semi-honest conversation for once. Mostly because Damon is too tired and worn-down to be antagonistic.

The roommate system prooobably gets ruled out at the week two and a half(?) by a very frustrated Tozu, but by then he will need a very strong/kill or die motive to actually get a crack on the partner system itself (which is too broad a concept for him to actually rule out the game entirely).

(Realistically speaking he probably would deny the system from happening as quickly as it was brought up because he would notice it as a liability to his killing game plan, but then again. This is fic. I like my Tozu very stupid in fic)

Damon slowly starts reintegrating back into the group when he feels less like "Hi I just had 4 panic attacks in a week what is life at this point." Jean personally helps him in it.

Damon doesn't exactly remember what happened when he was triggered (bcs I hc him to forget trauma to cope, only vaguely remembering things when triggered / having intrusive thoughts). He remembers stabbing Jean because of a "overreaction" on his part and that's pretty much it. He feels like garbage about it but doesn't know how to apologize.

Thankfully, the wound was very minimal so nobody really noticed it after the bleeding stopped and Jean removed the bandages. It is their shared secret that nobody shall know about.

After chapter 1 Damon has a 10 minute panic attack, call himself cringe for it, and forces himself to go for the futon. You could hear him cursing out to all the gods throughout the living quarters. Like La Llorona but it is a dude swearing instead.

Jean brings Damon food. From things like granola bars to small portions of meals (to avoid any accidental refeeding syndrome), every time Jean goes out, he brings Damon something to eat. The others question it at first but Jean only gives vague explanations so they give up (they know, somewhat. But it is not their business so they don't push about it).

Damon has never had anyone offer comfort or food without a catch to it so he is very confused to the whole ordeal but too tired to actually complain (he still compulsively checks everything, afraid of poison, despite never being any).

after a bit he actually somewhat warms up to the ship captain !! Yaaay Damon getting comfort !!!! Finally !!!!!

Writing this my entire thought process of Damon's characterization was "abused stray cat that hisses / scratches you but all it wants is love and a stable living environment and once it has it and gets used to it, it is actually very cuddly." That's just him in a nutshell. Just add some asshole pretentious vibes into the mix & you're done

I made Edward up very late (writing session 8 out of 10) into chapter 2 because I needed a reason as to why Jean would physically force Damon to sleep. When I said the man is a plot device I meant it lol

Tozu had a Live Tozu Reaction to Jean's and Damon's fight thinking that fINAlLY SOMEONE IS DYING.. And then nobody did. Oop.

AND THEN Jean gets killed and Damon suffers horribly /jkjk

[literaturelocker]

20 Questions for fic writers

I was tagged by my good friend @ahunter8056. LOL I don't know if these answers are what you're expecting, my good sir, but it's a good way to get me into my own version of NaNoWriMo since I had to miss last month due to work. Anyway, let's crank these out so I can get to finishing up chapter 4 of season 2.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

The technical number is 8. Two of those works are co-authored pieces, one is a special chapter I wrote for a friend's longer piece, and five are mine.

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

This one took some math so I didn't take credit for anyone else's work in the colabs I have going on. Roughly the number sits at

685,899 give or take a few thousand.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

More recently its WWE and Tom Clancy's The Division in my ongoing story with AtkPlatypus, and the WWE and Dr Who universe with @ahunter8056. I've also written for Supergirl and Blindspot, and if you want to do a super deep dive, I have stories for Criminal Minds, Secret Circle, and Chicago Fire that are posted under a different name over on FF.net. And before you ask, no I'm not giving you that info, you have to go find it. Happy hunting!

4. What are you top 5 fics by Kudos?

Fairytales Start With Curses, The Four Horsewomen: Directive 51, Time Bomb, After Rain, Waiting for You to See Me

I went with works I'm either the solo author for, or ones I am posting regularly on. I'm not going to lie; the fact that Directive 51 isn't the top spot threw me for a loop since AttackPlatypus and I have been writing that one for 4 years. And the best part? Fairytales isn't my Supercorp fic! Look at you go, AgentCorp fans!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Are you kidding????? This is my favorite part of posting! I LOVE interacting with the readers! The readers have taken the time to not only read my story, but then comment on it.... the least I can do is interact with them. Not only that, I love reading different reactions people have to chapters I've written. I get a huge sense of pride when a reader correctly guesses a plot twist or picks up on something subtle that I've written in. And just like readers feel certain things while they read, I feel certain things when they guess these things right. It makes me want to keyboard smash right back at them.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm with @ahunter8056 on this one. The ending for me should provide the reader with at least a small sense of hope. I'm not saying you can't write an angsty ending, but it's just not for me. I think everyday life is angsty enough, so it doesn't do it for me in my chosen forms of escape. Plus, I'm kind of notorious for writing hugely angsty chapters in my stories, so I like to wrap them up with a hopeful/happy ending.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Easily it's Fairytales Start with Curses. A lot of nonsense goes down in that one, so the ending feels that much more rewarding in my opinion. HOWEVER, Directive 51 is still in progress, so it's very possible that whenever we get around to ending that one, it'll be the happiest ending. But at the rate we're going with that one, it won't end until 2050, so.... let's just stick with Fairytales

8. Do you get hate on any fics?

I can't say that I have. I've received constructive criticism and people disagreeing with the ending or what not. But I can't say it's ever elevated to the level of hate. Now, I did get a chuckle when someone DM'd me to tell us to hurry the hell up on Directive 51. AttackPlatypus and I take the word slow-burn very, very seriously.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not really. It would be extremely awkward if I did, and I don't think it fits into most of my writing.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Yep! I sure do! I find crossovers open up a whole different world for our favorite characters to play in. And what's the point of fic if you can't do things like that. I think the craziest is the Four Horsewomen of Pokemon series. But I'd also say that Directive 51 is kind of out there, but if you know the four horsewomen of WWE, it's not too big of a leap to put those badass women into the Division universe.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. And honestly, if you think my mediocre writing deserves to be stolen, have at it lol. There are much better writers out there that would get you so much more attention. That being said, stealing is bad so knock it off.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of, but if you want to translate one, go for it.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Sure have! I'm currently writing The Four Horsewomen: Directive 51 with AttackPlatypus. That one is a WWE/Division crossover that we try to update weekly, and it's been going on for four years running. If you like slow-burn shenanigans in post-apocalyptic Chicago, might I recommend taking a look? I've also had the esteemed honor of being asked to co-write the sequel to A Hero Will Save Me Just in Time with the tremendous @ahunter8056. He's brilliant, and I can't believe he asked me to play in the sandbox of that fantastic series. Seriously, go check it out, it is well worth the read!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

This is like asking me to pick a favorite child. And quite honestly, the answer will change depending on the day. So I'll answer it this way: my first ship was JJ/Emily from Criminal Minds. The ship that will always hold a special place in my heart is Clexa from The 100. My angsty ship is Caitlyn/Vi from Arcane. Favorite canon ship? Wayhaught from Wynona Earp. But my all-time favorite? I think I have to go with the four horsewomen on a poly. It's not a popular choice, but those four are so good together, that I just have to give in.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

The Four Horsewomen of Pokemon series. I think that series had some solid potential, and the writers involved were all extremely talented. It just became too difficult to stick with on an individual level, which unfortunately brought the whole series down. But I do love those characters and hope to one day pick it up again.

16. What are your writing strengths?

hooooo boy.... um.... I think I'd say quiet, emotionally charged moments between characters. It's kind of a staple of mine, especially in my earlier writing. In the same vein, I'd say characterizations. I love dissecting characters to discover what makes them tick, so a lot of writing could also be seen as a character study. Oh, and angst as a plot device to get us to the happy ending.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

FLUFF. I cannot, under ANY circumstances, write fluff. It's like I'm deathly allergic to the stuff.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue language in fic?

I honestly don't understand this question. But if I had to guess at what's being asked here, the question is about writing in a different language if it's being spoken between characters. And I think if it's done in moderation, it's fine as long as there's a translation at the end of the chapter. But to do large chunks of dialogue in a language other than the original language the fic is written in can be a detriment to the overall story. I think too much of it will take your readers out of the world you're creating, and they'll lose interest.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Mutant X. It was a horrendously written Mary-Sue that got posted on FF.net and then deleted a few years later when I realized just how cringe it was. And no, it no longer exists, so I can't post it even if I wanted to.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Oh, easily Directive 51. I never expected it to become what it has when AttackPlatypus approached me about it. My stories are usually only one-shots, or small multi-chapters. And here we are four years later and the story has 888.388 words and 196 chapters. And we're not even close to being halfway done. This story has such a special place in my heart, and I don't want to consider what my life will look like once it's done.

A close second would be Fairytales. That story started out as a dare from my roommate at the time. She had gotten tired of listening to me whine about my several-year-long writer's block. So she went out and found a prompt that was followed by a dare that I couldn't write an AgentCorp fic for it. Needless to say, I was able to write a rather solid story if I do say so myself. It got me back into writing, and I will always love that little story for that.

Well, that was an interesting practice for me. I don't usually stop to think about things like this, but I had a blast doing it. Thanks for reading if you took the time! Any questions you may have about my stories, feel free to drop me a message and we can chat about .... well, anything really.

[saltysatellite804]

idk how to comfort ppl kindly so I’ll just be blunt and honest. sorry your mind is in such a horrible place, I really am. you’ve probably heard/been told over and over before, but continuing to fixate over ppl who you think left you/don’t care for you anymore takes up a lot of emotion, energy, or effort that could otherwise be put into getting to know new ppl in a different fandom who: have no idea who you are, aka you come in as a completely blank slate to them. they don’t hate you. I, as someone who barely knows you or situation, objectively don’t care about these ppl who don’t care for you anymore, especially if they’re bringing you feelings of pain at the very thought. somehow, somewhere, find brand new strangers, don’t mention yourself negatively (wrestle that urge tackle it into the ground), and give them the opportunity to get to form judgements of you themselves. how does one even go about doing that? idk, but for me, all the connections I’ve ever made online (and I Only have “online friends”) were mostly me finding a small fandom or rarepair and then pouring honesty into the comments section of the fics and waiting to see if any of these strangers connect back. the more comments that focus on them and the material—the less I think about myself. and also the more comments, the bigger the chance is that 1 out of those… idk, 50 fic authors reach out to you and conversations get started. insert yourself into other ppls lives and take up space. spend time initiating conversations in spaces where replies actually have a chance of happening instead of shouting into a void that is a void due to the nature of the context—honestly, nobody replies to tumblr texts posts unless you’re a big name fan, nobody ever replies to mine, LOL. kind of personal, but I was totally alone and had neurotic thoughts for a spell, but over the last 3(?) years,a little bit of self-initiative and a little bit of coincidence and a lot of time on ao3 put me in spaces with fandom… friends? acquaintances? that I couldn’t have imagined in 2018 or whenever. I see your posts. I don’t know what to say. I’m also a nobody out here. I don’t know what you need exactly, but obviously there’s a lot of things that you don’t have control over. idk if you feel like everything I’m saying is garbage, in which case I’m sorry… you can just toss this out/delete it. also sorry for the huge block of text! I’m on my phone and formatting is a chore for stream of conscious thoughts. I think tumblr isn’t a good medium for talking to ppl and getting convos started. I never seem to be able to hold one on this app. but also I’m the type of person that doesn’t reach out to other ppl. but that’s not because I don’t care about my “friends.” reaching out is awkward and hard I usually skip past the pleasantries and straight into the point anyway. I’m selfish in conversations; I only initiate thoughts that I’m interested in. but I’ll reply to anyone. but as you can see, I’m on anon bc I’m painfully shy and not sure how you’ll receive this and I’m self-conscious enough to not want you, someone who is mostly a stranger, to hate me. after all, you didn’t seem to respond to that other anon very well. someone reached out to you! but your reply once again emphasized your own loneliness and feelings of neurotic self-hatred/self-deprecation. did you feel any joy at all in receiving that anon? I’m not sure who they are, but they also did the painful, awkward, and hard thing of reaching out to a stranger struggling on the internet. did you ignore the fact that behind that anon, there was a person who was at least a little bit concerned for you? I wonder who they were. do you? I’m no good at this, and I don’t know if anything would help you right now. I don’t have all the free time in the world, and I’m typing this on my commute home from classes. when I get home I’m going to have dinner, do homework, go to bed, then wake up and go to classes again tmr morning; I only reply to texts when I have the energy. I hope things get better for you. or that you, yourself, makes things better, somehow?

I didnt mean my reply as an attack on that anon. I don't really know what to say. I spend so much energy just fighting to get away from the thoughts and its exhausting and sometimes I fail. I cannot just poof them away. It's not like I dont try.

It's hard to just stop thinking about the people I cared about. It's like a gaping hole in me.

I'm sorry for how I sounded.

I dont hate anyone on tumblr dot com. And I dont take anons in bad faith unless they're obviously trolling.

I mean this in a non-aggressive non-blamey way, but it is really hard to be told I deserve happiness from anons or people who can otherwise quickly wash their hands of me. Again. Not blaming anyone. Please do not take that wrong. If my brain would let me, I could be far more appreciative, but it is hard for me and that is why.

I've always sucked at communicating.

Also, non-important, but I dont have any desire to find new fandoms. I do not think I have the capacity to be a blank slate. Nor do I feel particularly like the person who could make friends anymore because of how much I've been hurt. This guilt crawls in and the second I show my ass, it's all over. I've done the dance since I started posting online. It's only lately I've completely lost everything.

And that's on top of all the shit in my real life.

Everyone has their own problems and I really do want to stop caring if I'm alone because that's just how life is for the most part. I do not want to be a burden, and ironically I'm making things worse and turning into one against my own will. I do not know why it's so hard. It would just be nice if I had someone to take my hand and say "let's watch a movie together" or you know. The internet equivalent.

Again. No hate. No blame. I just do not know how to communicate.

[danielfuckingricciardo]

That Sense of Passion and Anger

Pairing - Max Verstappen x Reader + slight Daniel Ricciardo x Reader if you squint

Word Count - 4.1k

Content Warning - Swearing, violence, alcohol, rough sex, blood, biting, bruising, Ginger Spice’s husband mention.

Synopsis - The Reader’s anger gets the better of her as she confronts Max rather publicly for the crash he had caused between them. Despite planning a casual evening of wallowing in sadness, the Reader receives a visit from a certain driver who’s reaction to her outburst is different than she’d anticipated.

Author’s Note - This fic came from a rather spicy dream I had last night that I had to bring to life for my lovely readers! I wrote this instead of writing my final assignment, because erotica is definitely more important to me than my degree at this point lol. Also, check me out writing my first fic that isn’t Daniel… okay maybe it is a bit, but it’s just a bit of flirting which is basically friendship really. However, if I do write a second part to this one, expect Daniel content. Anyways, feel free to DM me about anything you liked, or leave me a comment, and consider reblogging or dropping a like if you enjoyed!

“Alright, (Y/N), just one more lap to go. Max is 0.3 behind.” You hear the voice say in your ear. “Yeah, I see him.” You mumble as you slow into the next corner, following the racing line with precision. Your teammate is on full form, with a fresher set of tyres than yours, and manages to quickly close the gap, almost driving side by side as you enter the penultimate corner of the track. He takes the inside line, attempting to squeeze past you into the corner. “What is this fucking crazy bastard doing?” You shout to your team, narrowly avoiding hitting his car by swerving quickly into the centre of the track. Max passes you and you shout into your headset, gritting your teeth in rage.

At the final straight of the track, you are able to close in on Max. With the power of slipstreaming on your side, you pull up beside him, the finish line in sight. You notice his tyre turn towards you for a millisecond and panic, sharply turning the wheel to avoid collision, causing you to veer off into the walls surrounding the track and ricochet back into Max’s own car. Both cars come to a stop in the middle of the track, and neither of you move. “Are you okay, (Y/N)?” You hear through your headset, and you grunt in response, your body so filled with anger you’re left unable to speak. “I’m gonna kill that reckless motherfucker!” You shout to your team, who seem unsure of how to respond. Since taking your seat at Red Bull, you’d had built quite a reputation for yourself as no-nonsense, competitive and often aggressive. Being the only female driver in the paddock, you were often criticised far more than your teammate for doing many of the same things, often branded a ‘crazy woman’ or ‘psycho bitch’ by the news media. You didn’t care, you took your job seriously, and wanted to win, and you weren’t going to let your teammate get away with this one.

You jump out of the car, throwing your wheel rather more aggressively than you had wanted before storming away from the cars and from Max who had just freed himself from his own car. You were seeing red, your head so filled with anger you worried what you might have done had he attempted to talk to you. Storming back to the paddock, you notice no one even daring to talk to you, only the odd camera pointed at you as you complete your walk of shame. You rip your helmet off of your head and release your hair from the tight braids you had styled that morning, causing it to fluff around your face in an unruly manner. Once back in the paddock, you throw your helmet down onto a chair as everyone looks at you, unsure of what to say or do. “Just don’t. Don’t fucking bother, I can’t do this right now.” You say, holding up your hands to keep your team away from you. They back off, allowing you to retreat to the empty room you had claimed as your own for the weekend.

This had been your weekend. The first time you’d ever outqualified your teammate, your first pole position and first time ever leading a Grand Prix. You’d felt confident going into today, and your confidence had been more than warranted, remaining unchallenged for first place throughout the race until it’s final moments. It was no secret that you and Max had struggled to bond, people often said that you were just too similar. Both driven, passionate, hot-headed individuals who were bound to clash both on and off the track. You tried to be good for the cameras, to banter like the other drivers and make good content for the fans, but you just couldn’t get along. Clearly your hatred of each other was mutual, if he was willing to risk his own race to end yours and prevent you getting your first ever win, he wanted to see you fail. You covered your face with your hands and paced back and forth, your anger making your every limb feel restless, desperate for it’s release. No matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to shake your frustration, and end up grabbing a pillow from the couch and screaming into it. However, the pillow had not been as effective a muffler as you had hoped, as you hear a soft knock on the door to your room. “Sorry, I’ll come out now, I just needed a few moments.” You say, your breathing heavy. “Take your time.” The voice says beyond the door, and you throw the pillow back down onto the couch.

You begin to unfasten your suit, the material suddenly feeling stifling and claustrophobic against your skin. You tie the sleeves around your waist before heading out of the room, where you are greeted by a sea of sympathetic faces. You make eye-contact with Christian across the room and can’t help but roll your eyes. Despite the crash not being your fault, you knew you would still be held to blame somehow, and spend the next week getting yelled at and lectured for no reason. In that moment, you notice just who Christian is talking to, and you immediately see red. Before your brain can tell your body to stop, you find yourself marching across the paddock, grabbing Max by the shoulder and pushing him back so he stumbles. “Are you fucking crazy or just stupid, hm?” You shout at him, jabbing him in the shoulder with your index finger. He seems too shocked at your actions to say anything, so you push him again. “Or maybe you’re incapable of thinking about anyone else than yourself? ‘Oh I’m Max Verstappen, and I only care about winning races, and if I can’t win then no one else can. Fuck my team, fuck my teammates, I’m the only thing that matters.’ Is that accurate?” You mock, and he just stares at you, his mouth agape. You grab him by his collar and pull him towards you, your faces just centimetres apart. “You pull any shit like that again, and I will knock you the fuck out, understood?” You hiss, refusing to break eye contact with the slightly scared looking man in your grasp. At this moment, an engineer grabs your shoulders and you release Max, who backs off into the corner of the room. The engineer guides you to the back room, and you throw your shaky body down on the sofa, curling into the foetal position and hugging your legs close to you for comfort. “I’ll give you some space, but I’ll be around if you need anything.” He says, offering you a small smile, and you weakly manage to return the favour. “Thanks, mate, I appreciate it.” You say, nodding your head at him as he leaves and closes the door behind him.

You grab your phone and headphones from the drawer beside the sofa and shuffle your favourite playlist, the music instantly grounding you and bringing you back to normality. You breathe deeply in and out to the mellow pace of the song, but are interrupted by the familiar beep of a text notification from none other than Daniel Ricciardo. ‘Ya good?’ The message reads, and you cant help but let out a small chuckle. ‘On top of the fucking world, mate’ you reply, adding a couple of eye roll emojis for good measure. ‘Can imagine’ he fires back and you sigh. You can’t help but wonder if it was all this toxicity behind the scenes that caused Daniel to vacate the seat that you ended up filling? ‘What the fuck do I do?’ You ask, and the three little dots appear and disappear multiple times as he attempts to come up with a response. Eventually, your phone begins to ring and you answer. “Couldn’t be bothered to type out all this shit, sorry.” Daniel says. “No worries, impart your wisdom on me, oh ancient one.” You say in a dramatic fashion, attempting to lighten your own mood. “First off, never call me ancient again, secondly, here’s the advice you so very severely need.” “Lay it on me” “Do not, under any circumstances, beat him the fuck up.” Daniel says, rather matter-of-factly. “You know about that?” You gasp down the phone, slapping your hand to your mouth. “Baby, there are cameras everywhere. You’re trending on twitter.” Daniel laughs. “Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck no!” You shout, beginning to hyperventilate. “People seem to be on your side, but still, no actual violence. You don’t wanna get arrested. That would be… very bad.” He responds in a soothing tone. You take a few deep breaths and sigh. “I never meant to do any of that, it’s like my body took control and did all those things and my brain couldn’t stop it. If I could go back and change what I did, I’d do it in a heartbeat.” You say, panic audible in your voice. “Hindsight is a wonderful thing, baby, but what matters is, you didn’t hit him, and he isn’t reporting you for assault.” “I suppose that’s true. I could be in deep deep shit if Max was pressing charges.” You say, pressing the phone to your ear and cuddling your legs to your chest again. “Hey, he’s just as bad as you and probably would have done the same in your place. You guys are like two peas in a very angry pod.” Daniel laughs and you frown to yourself. “I wish people would stop saying we’re alike. I would never have done that to him, ever.” You sulk down the phone and Daniel laughs. “Whatever you say, baby. Look, I’ve gotta go, text me if you need anything, okay?” “Thanks Dan, you’re the man.” You say, chuckling at your accidental rhyming couplet. He laughs and hangs up as you hear someone calling him in the distance.

You arrive back at your hotel room completely dishevelled and drained from the day. Having to go out and face the press and talk about and apologise for your angry outburst had left you feeling empty. Mainly because you didn’t feel sorry at all. Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t have manhandled him the way that you did, but you weren’t sorry for calling him out for his reckless actions. He needed to be put in his place. You throw yourself down on the fluffy white sheets of the bed and inhale the smell of the freshly laundered linen, concocting a plan in your mind to order room service, get drunk on the mini bar and watch TV in a foreign language until you fall asleep. You shuffle from your confortable position, closing the curtains to the balcony and grabbing the first miniature whiskey bottle from the bar. The alcohol goes down almost too smoothly, and soon you find yourself three bottles down and trying to understand the plot of a show in a different language without English subtitles.

A knock on the door interrupts the drinking of your fourth bottle, having drunk all the whiskey you had now moved onto vodka which doesn’t go down quite as smoothly as you head to open the door. You take a glimpse through the peephole and roll your eyes, before opening the door to poke your head through. “What the fuck do you want?” You ask rather sharply, the alcohol preventing the little desire you had to be polite. “I needed to come and talk to you.” Max says, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. “So, talk to me then. Let’s get it over with.” You say, sighing dramatically to show him just how unwanted his presence really is. “I’m sorry.” He says, looking awkwardly at the ground. “Come again?” You laugh in disbelief. “Can I come in, please?” He asks, and you find yourself opening the door and inviting him into your room. He wanders past you and stands awkwardly in the middle of your dark room, glancing at the empty bottles of liquor on the bed. “They’re only miniatures, that’s like two doubles.” You say, walking past him and sitting down on the bed. “I’m not judging.” He says, flashing you an awkward smile. “Look, I’m not being mean but I want to get back to my depressing evening of emptying the mini fridge and watching shit on the TV, so can you just, say whatever it is you need to say, and go?” You say, and he bites his lip. “I came to say I’m sorry.” He says, and you sigh. “You already said that.” You respond, grabbing the remote and turning the TV back on. “I fucked up. I made a huge mistake and I ruined your day. And my day too.” he sighs and wipes his face with his hands, “But that doesn’t matter, it’s not about me, just, I’m sorry (Y/N).” You look up at him in disbelief and turn the TV off, leaving the room in an awkward state of silence. You stand from your position on the bed and walk over to Max. “I’m not sorry for what I did. Christian made me say I was, but I’m not. I wish I’d handled it differently, sure, but I’m owning what I did do. You fucked everything up for me, and I’m so fucking mad I could- agh!” You say, the alcohol in your system making it come out slightly more aggressive than you intended. “You shouldn’t have to be sorry. I deserved it. I deserved more. These days people are so frightened of anger. Anger is just as valid an emotion as happiness or sadness and yet we’re expected to just ignore it. You don’t hold back, and I admire that.” He says, and you look up at him, examining his steely gaze. “You admire me because I threatened you?” You ask, tilting your head slightly. “I admire your passion, which is what drove you to threaten me. Anger and passion are similar, I think, perhaps they are the same.” He responds, leaning in towards you slightly as he does so. “I get told by people that we’re similar, and I suppose I’ve never seen it before today, but I think you’re right. I think it’s that sense of passion and anger we both have in common.” You say, biting your lip as you make eye contact for the first time. Somehow, this sets something off in the two of you, as he roughly grips the sides of your face with his hands and collides his lips into your own. You tangle one hand in his hair, the other finding the hem of his shirt and tugging it upwards, caressing every inch of his toned chest. He pushes you aggressively against the wall and you grunt, pulling his hair hard and causing him to break contact with your lips.

“Fuck you.” You spit, and he laughs, lowering one of his hands from it’s grip on your cheek to your neck and pressing on your wind pipe. “If you’re lucky, you might.” He says, and you yank his hair, causing a moan to escape his lips. “I hate you” You spit, biting your lip to suppress a smirk. “I hate you too.” He responds, before taking his hands away from your neck and using them to undress you, taking his time as he removes your shirt and pants as if he is trying to commit every inch of you to memory. You trail your hands down his body and find the hem of his shirt, which you toy with, pulling it further and further up before discarding it on the floor. You caress his chest, moving your hands further and further down until you reach the already strained zipper of his jeans. You smirk as you take it slow, making sure to brush your fingers across his cock through the fabric as you remove the outer layer. “Don’t be a fucking tease.” He says, and you scoff, wrapping your arms around his neck and connecting your mouth with the soft tissue. You gently suck and tease the area with your teeth as his arms snake around your waist, pulling you closer. You bite down, hard enough to draw blood and he flinches, his cock twitching against your leg. “If I didnt know any better, I’d say you enjoyed it when I threatened you. When I grabbed you and pushed you, hm?” You say, pausing intermittently to lap up the droplets of blood from his neck. He responds by grabbing your ass and lifting you up, throwing you down on the bed and straddling you. “Is that a yes?” You ask, raising you eyebrow. “Yes” He whispers in your ear as he grabs your wrists and holds them tightly above your head. You bite your lip to suppress a smirk and rub your thighs together, your aching core now desperate for contact. Max notices this and trails one hand down your body, rubbing your clit over your wet panties causing you to squirm against the bed.

“You want me to fuck you, hm?” He asks, bringing his lips to your ear, his breath hot against your skin. “Make my day.” You say, a sexy smirk on your face which causes him to chuckle. He releases your hands from his grip and you immediately loop your arms around his waist, tugging at the elastic of his boxers impatiently. He brings his hand to your own and pulls the fabric down, revealing his erect cock. You use your hand to gently caress the shaft, working your way up to the sensitive tip eliciting a filthy moan from him. He pulls down your panties and runs his hand across your aching wet folds, stopping at your clit which he circles with the pad of his finger. You buck your hips up into the contact, your back arching and head heavy against the bed. You loop your arms around Max’s neck and pull your body up off of the bed, pressing your breasts against him. “You’re taking too long. Now I’m going to fuck you instead.” You whisper in his ear in a sultry tone, before gripping his ear lobe between your teeth and biting it gently. You adjust your position so that Max is beneath you, his hands squeezing your hips tightly enough to leave bruises, before lowering yourself down onto him with a groan. Your movements begin slowly but pick up the pace as you fall into each other’s rhythm, bouncing up and down on his cock and releasing a pornographic moan every time he hits the right spot. You throw your head back as your pace quickens, and he buries his head in your neck, sucking just the right spot on your windpipe and driving you crazy. The sensation of his cock buried deep within you, his mouth on your flesh and his fingers digging deep into your hips flood your senses, becoming almost overwhelming with the pleasure they provide.

“Fuck, I’m close.” Max says, his breathing heavy as his grip on your hips begins to weaken. “I want you to cum inside me.” You say, and he presses his face to yours, your noses and foreheads becoming one before he steals your lips in a filthy kiss. You bite down on his lower lip and he moans into you, louder and more unrestrained than before as he cums, his hips bucking as he sloppily fucks into you through his own orgasm. The sensation of his hot cum inside you triggers your orgasm, the walls of your cunt tightening against his cock inside of you. “Fuck, Max.” You catch yourself moaning into his ear, and you notice a smug smirk growing on his face. You ride him through your orgasm before eventually collapsing into him, the two of you falling against the bed in a tangle of skin and sweat, your chests heaving in an attempt to catch your breath. “You still admire my passion?” You ask, quirking an eyebrow at him. “It is definitely admirable.” He responds, brushing a stray strand of hair away from your face.

The morning sunshine blares through the gaps in the curtains and wakes you up from your slumber. You roll over in the bed and realise you are alone, despite having company upon falling asleep the previous night. With a cool hand placed gently over your sore head, you grab your phone from the night stand and check for messages - nothing. While last night had been in no way a declaration of love or friendship, you had hoped that he’d stick around to work out what it had been. Surely something, no matter how small, must have changed between the two of you. In need of some useful advice, you open your text threat with Daniel and send him a ‘U up?’ Accompanied by a winky face emoji. You fall out of bed and catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, six perfect bruises shaped like Max’s fingerprints rest around your hips. No matter how hard you try to resist it, you place your fingers atop the bruises where his had been the previous night and caress the damaged flesh. Your phone beeps and you open Daniel’s reply, ‘For you baby, always. Pancakes?’ You scoff at his implication, before firing off a quick ‘ofc’ and heading to the bathroom to get changed.

“You fucked!” Daniel exclaims, and you push a strawberry from your bowl into his mouth. “Not so loud, please, I don’t want the entire world knowing before lunchtime.” You say, eating a forkful of fruit. “Was he good?” He asks as he begins to aggressively attack his pancakes with his cutlery. “He was…” You pause, taking another mouthful of breakfast while deep in thought, “different.” “How different?” Daniel asks and you roll your eyes. “You know how it is, when you usually hook up with someone and there’s a positive feeling behind it? Even if it’s just a one night stand or a quickie in a janitor’s cupboard?” You say, gesturing with an apple slice on the end of your fork. “I am learning a lot about your sex life, but yeah, continue.” “It didn’t feel like that. It was good, but it was just hate fucking. There was no positive emotion there, just passion, and not the happy kind. And the fact that he was gone before I woke up really says a lot, doesn’t it? He doesn’t give a shit about me now in the same way he didn’t give a shit yesterday. The only difference is now, he knows how I shave my pubes.” You say, finishing your bowl of fruit and reaching for the stack of pancakes with blueberries in the centre of the table. “How do you shave your pubes?” Daniel asks, and you reach forward to slap him on the arm. “That’s for me to know, and you to find out.” You laugh, offering him a comically exaggerated wink. “Just gimme the time, date and dress code baby, I’ll be there.” He responds, returning your exaggerated wink and taking a sip of his coffee.

Meanwhile, the hotel housekeeper knocks on the door of your room to receive no response. She enters your room and begins to strip the sheets, and notices a folded sheet of paper addressed to (Y/N), fall out of the duvet and onto the floor. Upon seeing this, the housekeeper can’t fight her curiosity and reads it. ‘Y/N, I have a busy morning and have to leave you, though I wish I could stay to see you wake up. Last night was great. Send me a text, we can meet for lunch maybe?’ A smudged phone number completes the note, and the housekeeper folds it back up. Assuming the note had already been read by it’s recipient upon waking up, the housekeeper screws it into a ball and throws it into the trash can, before leaving the room and locking the door behind her.

[peachycheol]

| lost in translation |

➸ summary: jeonghan asks you to translate some of his fans’ comments, but you hadn’t expected them to be so... dirty.  ➸ genre: pwp  ➸ pairing: idol!jeonghan x english-speaking friend!reader ➸ warning: dirty talk, oral sex (m. and fem. receiving), face fucking, deep throating, cum swallowing <333, **the italicized comments are in english**  ➸ w.c: 2.6k

➸ author’s note: hi i’m alive!! i’m so sorry to have kept you all waiting for so long, but i kinda just lost my mojo for a little bit 😔  but worry not- i have experienced a reawakening and i am now more of a whore than ever so hopefully i can get back to posting more. i have a lot i have planned out, but i wanted to get a quick fic out to y’all as a BIG THANK YOU bc i reached so many milestones while i was gone 🥺 🥰 💕  i love you guys and i’m really glad ppl are reading my fics haha

this fic is based on the infamous jeonghan gym video, y’all know the one (thank you to @haechanblr​ for reminding me of it and helping me with this fic i love u so much!!). i was actually in the middle of writing this when hoshi decided to post his own gym video and PHEW. JEEZ. I’M STILL RECOVERING. anyway, i hope you guys enjoy this one bc i really enjoyed writing it 💖 🍑 

[ foreversvt ] commented: I AM ON MY KNEES  [ yoon1004 ] commented: is it jeonghan’s birthday or is it mine [ happy bday angel! ] commented: YOON JEONGHAN ???? [ twinkluvr69 ] commented: grrr wanna slurp those noodle arms like spaghetti 

You continue scrolling through the comments left underneath the video, trying to keep your face composed as you come across more and more explicit reactions from fans all over the world. Seokmin had uploaded the video to Weverse as an innocent birthday prank for Jeonghan, but he probably had not anticipated just how horny their fans could get over a seemingly harmless video of Jeonghan doing some leg presses. To be fair to the fans though, you yourself had watched the clip several times and you would be lying if you didn’t say you were… affected. 

“Well? What are they saying?” Jeonghan leans over to watch you scroll, and you are acutely aware of the warmth of his arm pressing against yours. The two of you are sitting on the floor of  your living room with your backs resting against your couch, hanging out after a small birthday dinner with some of his other friends. As one of Jeonghan’s english-speaking friends, he had asked you to help him translate some of his birthday wishes before his day ended, though you’re not sure how to tell him that his fans are not exactly sending in wholesome professions of love. 

Instead, you decide to try giving him some tamer versions in the hopes of satisfying him before you get to anything too blunt. “This user says you have noodle arms, but I think they like it so it’s okay.” 

“Hey! I’ve been trying my best to get thicker, but not all of us can be born beefed up like Seungcheol.” 

“You asked me what they said!” you laugh. “Most of these are just birthday messages anyway-- I’m sure you don’t need me to translate ‘Happy birthday, I love you!’ a thousand times.” 

“Yeah, obviously I understand the more common phrases, but there’s so many that I don’t understand today for some reason!” Jeonghan huffs, then points to a comment that you had purposefully hid under your thumb. “Like okay, what’s that one say?” 

[ seungcheolswife ] commented: wow the way this video made my pussy clench,,,, 

“Uh,” you start, already feeling your ears go warm. Should you just lie? It’s not like he would be able to tell, right? You and Jeonghan are close, but not so close that you can just say these things to him. Especially when this comment may be hitting a little too close to home for you. Even now, you remember the bolt of arousal that shot to your pussy the moment you  heard Jeonghan’s first grunt of effort. You bite your lip. No, Jeonghan really didn’t need to know about that. “I-it says something like ‘you made their heart flutter’.”

“Wait.” Jeonghan takes a moment to scan your face before his eyes narrow at you suspiciously. You give him your best innocent smile, but you already know he’s caught you. You had always been a shitty liar. “What does it really say? Is it bad?”

You sigh. Of course he hadn’t bought it. “No, it’s not bad. I just don’t know if you want to hear stuff like this…” 

“Well now I have to know. Tell me exactly what it says.” 

“E-exactly?” You meet Jeonghan’s stern gaze and you know that there’s no convincing him otherwise. What Jeonghan wants, Jeonghan gets. “I-it says that the video made their p-pussy clench.”

After several beats of silence, you look over to Jeonghan to see he is completely unaffected by the comment. Or maybe he is. His eyes glint mischievously in the light when he responds.  “I said exactly, baby. Try again.” 

Your whole body feels hot under his smug, expectant gaze; you should be surprised by the sudden pet name, but it only makes your mind fuzzy with the beginnings of arousal. You swallow thickly, unable to disobey him. “T-this video made m-my pussy clench.” 

“So naughty… Just this short clip has your cute little pussy all needy,” Jeonghan clicks his tongue, but a knowing grin spreads on his lips. His words have you shifting in your seat in an attempt to relieve the dull ache setting in between your legs, though you don’t dare let it on. It’s clear Jeonghan is playing a game with you, and although you know you’re going to lose, you’ll be damned if you let him win so easily. “Let’s read some more, hm? Translate this one for me.”

[ daddy_hannie ] commented: omg i bet jeonghan makes the hottest sounds when he’s fucking 

The comment he scrolls to nearly makes you whimper. It’s embarrassing how clearly you can recall the sound of each of his low groans coming through the screen, how sexy he sounded. Images of Jeonghan on top of you, his eyebrows furrowed as he grits out desperate groans of pleasure, leave you in a daze while your panties quickly dampen with your arousal. 

“Go on.” Jeonghan’s firm tone only makes you squirm more, and this time he takes note of the way your breathing has gone shallow and how your eyes are already hazy. 

“I bet Jeonghan makes the hottest sounds when he’s fucking,” you say softly. 

Jeonghan chuckles, his breath tickling against your neck. “Now you’re just making me blush, sweetheart. I bet you’d make some pretty noises when I’m fucking into you too,” he muses casually. You finally let out a soft whine, tired of holding your breath as he moves to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear. 

“J-jeonghan…” 

“Hm, I think we should read a couple more,” the boy says, ignoring you and scrolling through more of the comments. You pout - your wetness has already soaked through your panties, your cunt just aching for his attention, but of course Jeonghan isn’t done teasing you. 

You’re wondering how long it will take for him to finally push your back to the floor and fuck you senseless when you spot a comment that might help you get you what you want quicker. ”I want to read this one,” you tell him, already rubbing your thighs together in anticipation. 

[ ~hanniehae!~ ] commented: god i KNOW your dick is big like PLEASE I WANNA SUCK UR DICK SO BAD

He raises an amused eyebrow at you, and you wait for him to stop you, biting back a smile when he doesn’t. You make sure to look him in the eyes when you say it, his own dark eyes telling you that he’s impatient for you too, and you nearly let it out in a whine from how much you mean it. “Please Jeonghan… I want to suck your dick so bad.” 

For a sliver of a  moment, Jeonghan goes rigid. Then, his smug smile returns as he brings up a thumb to tug on your bottom lip. “Mmm, such a pretty mouth saying such filthy words,” he sighs, shaking his head. “If you wanted to put it to good use, all you had to do was ask, baby.” 

Jeonghan chuckles at how eagerly you follow him as he moves to sit on the couch behind you, keeping his hold on your chin so that you keep your eyes on his. He has you kneel between his legs and you don’t waste any time in reaching for the button and zipper on his jeans. 

The man helps you tug his pants and boxers down to his ankles, and your mouth waters at the sight of his hard cock springing back against his stomach. Of course it’s pretty just like the rest of him. “You’ve been teasing me all this time, but you’re already this hard?” you whisper tauntingly as you lean forward to ghost your lips over the base of his shaft. 

Jeonghan’s shaky exhale does not go unnoticed by you, but his response comes out smooth as ever. “Could you blame me? You just looked so cute getting all worked up from saying all those dirty things about me. I bet your little panties are soaked through by now-- guh!” He lets out a surprised groan when you suddenly flatten your tongue against him, letting it drag slowly up to his tip. 

“You talk too much.” You look up at him with a smile before you wrap your lips around his leaking tip, savoring the taste of him on your tongue. Teasingly, you swirl your tongue against his slit until you feel his hand thread through your hair, as though he’s begging you for more. You decide to be nice, lowering your mouth further down his cock, letting him feel the slide of your wet tongue on his sensitive skin. 

A soft sigh leaves his lips at the sensation, pleasantly carding his fingers through your hair as you take as much of him as you can. “That’s it. Good girl.”

His praise has you clenching around nothing, and you whine as you steadily begin to bob your head along his hard cock, reveling in how he would let out small whimpers whenever you would lightly suckle on it. 

Just as he gets used to the feeling of your mouth on him, you suddenly take him as deep as you can into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks tightly around his cock. “Oh, f-fuck!” Jeonghan lets out a strangled moan, his hips lifting from the couch to fuck further into your mouth. 

You feel the tip of his cock hit the back of your throat, but it only spurs you on even more as you swallow around him, causing him to throw his head back in ecstasy. At this point, a dull ache starts setting in your jaw and drool begins to messily slip from the corners of your mouth as you return to sucking him at a more steady pace, and you feel your pussy throb from how dirty it all felt. Though you and Jeonghan did flirt occasionally, he had always felt off-limits to you-- he’s an idol and you’re just one of his normal-person friends. But here you are with his cock in your mouth, all thanks to the horny thoughts of his fans no less. 

To their credit, they were right. Jeonghan does make the hottest sounds while fucking. He lets out another throaty groan from above you and, unexpectedly, he pulls you off his cock. His pupils are blown wide with desire, his chest heaving slightly as he looks at the state you’re in with your swollen lips and the drool on your chin. “Can I fuck your mouth?” he asks breathlessly. 

“Yes please,” you reply, voice already a little hoarse from your efforts. You shift back on your knees to make room for Jeonghan when he stands, opening your mouth obediently when he moves to slide his cock back onto your tongue. Jeonghan tightens his grip on your hair, keeping you still as he starts to fuck into your mouth with quick, shallow thrusts. “Mmh!”

“Fuck, your mouth feels so fucking good, baby,” Jeonghan sighs appreciatively. You bring your hands up to grip at the backs of his thighs to keep yourself steady when his thrusts become a little more erratic, causing you to gag around him as his cock continues to hit the back of your throat. Still, all your focus remains on hearing more of Jeonghan’s pleasured groans, on seeing his face scrunch up in absolute bliss, so you keep your mouth open wide despite the tears that prick at your eyes. When Jeonghan looks down at you taking his cock, eyes glazed over and fucked out, he curses loudly. “Shit-- can I come in your mouth?” 

Unable to speak with your mouth stuffed full, you cutely give him a thumbs up. Jeonghan would have laughed if he wasn’t so close to cumming. With several more thrusts, he cries out a strained warning before his hot release fills your mouth. He rides out his orgasm, twitching in your hold as his pleasure bleeds into oversensitivity. Once he’s pulled out, you make sure to stick your tongue out so he can see how his cum coats your tongue right before you swallow it all down; all he can do is smile thinking about how he really should have fucked you sooner. 

“So good for me,” Jeonghan says to you softly, helping you up to your feet so that he can pull you into a heated kiss full of tongue and whimpers. You desperately grip onto Jeoghan’s shirt, pressing your body against him in search for some sort of relief for the arousal that is pumping through you and straight to your neglected pussy. He can’t help but smile against your lips. “Don’t worry, baby, I’ll take care of you now.” 

You let him lead you to sit on the couch-- this time you are the one sitting on the edge of the cushions with Jeonghan’s head between your legs. He slides a hand over your clothed core, humming when he finds that you really have soaked straight through your panties. Just as you begin to squirm underneath his teasing fingers, he strips you of both your leggings and underwear in one swift movement, leaving you bare before him. 

The sight of him pushing your legs apart is enough to leave you in a daze. Your breath catches when you feel cool air brushing against your inner thighs, slick with your wetness, then it all comes out in a whine when you feel Jeonghan’s velvet tongue swipes at the spot for a taste. “O-oh!” a cry slips from your lips once his tongue finally slides through your folds. “Mmh!” 

“Does it feel good?” Jeonghan whispers, not bothering to wait for a proper answer because your broken moans tell him to keep going. He spreads your lips open with his fingers, eating you out slowly and deliberately as though he is savoring his favorite meal.

The room is filled with your soft whimpers and the lewd sounds of Jeonghan’s mouth working against your pussy and it only tightens the pressure in your stomach, causing your toes to curl. “P-please-- please let me cum,” you rasp out, and your eyes roll to the back, your hand clutching tightly at the back of Jeonghan’s head, at the feeling of his tongue flattening against your clit. “Ngh! Y-yes!” 

He skillfully flicks his tongue on your bud, shaking his head back and forth until his chin is absolutely covered in your juices. When your hips begin to move of their own accord, he lets you ride his face as you please, his cock twitching at how desperate you are for him. “S-so good,” you sob, only able to mutter unintelligible nonsense in your delirium. Then, he wraps his mouth around your clit, and you’re left squealing as your legs begin to shake from how obscenely good it feels. “Shit, I-- I’m--!” 

You come undone with a loud cry of Jeonghan’s name, your body going rigid from how hard your orgasm hits you. Jeonghan takes it all, his eyes closed as he works you through your release, only letting up when you slump away from him.

The both of you finally look at each other properly in the aftermath, chests heaving and hair wild. Suddenly you’re both erupting in giggles at the realization of what you two had just done. “What are you looking at?” Jeonghan asks, eyes bright as he smiles handsomely up at you. 

You reach down to swipe your thumb against his chin, which is still shining with your cum, barely able to contain your giggles. “Who’s got the dirty mouth now?”

[weasleylangs]

swipe right / f.w

Summary: Finding your best friend and your biggest crush on Tinder is always awkward.  Pairing: Muggle!Fred Weasley x Muggle!Fem!Reader Warnings: Discussions of sex, language, alcohol, food/drink mention.  Word Count: 6.9k (this is the longest thing i’ve ever written)

AUTHORS NOTE / hiiiii... this is my first fic in SO long but thank you for waiting for me!!! a huge thank you to my lovely rosie @spacexcowgirl for inspiring this fic and also listening to me ramble on about it for hours on end as i was writing it and for also beta reading it guys this fic rly wouldnt exist if it wasnt for rose so.........

/ also, george’s girlfriend in the fic is named ‘em’ and she has no physical description besides also using she/her pronouns. i’m trying this out so even people who aren’t (primarily) fred simps can self insert in this fic!!!

taglist / @amourtentiaa​ @weelittleweasley​ @lumos-barnes​​ @lumosandnoxwriting​​ @loveboyhalo​​ @harrysweasleys​​ @freds-slut​​ @rcwenaclaw​​ @barneswidow​ @fandomhideout​​​

-------------

Y/N stared at her screen, the Tinder profile of Fred Weasley staring right back at her, teasing her ominously. She eventually decides to lock her phone to avoid the familiar and unwelcomed feelings rising in her throat. The last thing she ever expected to see during her mindless swiping at 1am was her best friend’s Tinder profile. 

She knows it’s hypocritical to feel this way but she’s also not stupid. She and Fred both have had their fair share of dates and hookups thanks to dating apps- they’re in the twenties and single after all. But she can’t shake how weird she feels finding Fred. Like she’s stumbled across something private.

Y/N unlocks her phone again, curiosity eventually making her cave after staring at her ceiling blankly for way too long. 

‘Pros: I’m an Aries (I’ve been told that's a good thing). Cons: I’m an Aries (I’ve been told that’s a bad thing).’

It’s a short and simple bio, much like her own but she has to stifle a choked laugh. She and George’s girlfriend have said these to both the twins and she feels a sense of accomplishment that she can’t explain. Almost like Fred thinking of her while he sets up his dating profile means something. 

She hesitates a moment, debating between swiping left and never thinking about Fred and dating profiles ever again and swiping right just to see what happens. Y/N’s definitely making it a bigger issue than it has to be, which is why she doesn’t realise when George’s girlfriend and her roommate suddenly appears in her doorway holding chocolate.

“Em, it’s 1am and you have work tomorrow?” She questions and the girl in the doorway shrugs, making her way into the room and sitting down without an invitation.

“I can vaguely hear you monologuing next door,” she laughs as she breaks a line of chocolate off the bar and hands it to Y/N. She groans, in her moment of panic she completely forgot about the fact it’s late and their bedroom walls are paper-thin. “All I heard was something about Fred and the word fuck. I hope I’m not interrupting anything…” she winks and Y/N cringes, Em’s usual 15-year-old boy humour shining through as she pops the piece of chocolate in her mouth. 

“You’re hilarious,” Y/N says rolling her eyes but she can’t deny the fondness that’s there for her best friend. “No, you’re not interrupting anything, rather the opposite actually, look.” She passes her unlocked phone to Em and Y/N wishes she could have captured the shocked look on Em's face.

“Fred has a fucking active Tinder?” She’s quickly swiping through his profile and she hates to admit he has good pictures, but when she gets to his bio she snorts and rolls her eyes. “That’s something you say, Y/N.” 

Y/N feels her face go red at Em’s comment. She’s acknowledged this already but when someone else says it she feels like she isn’t being as far fetched as she’s convinced herself. While she outright refuses to acknowledge her feelings for Fred to anyone who isn’t herself, she knows Em knows without having to tell her. Call it best friend instinct, ‘dating-his-twin-brother’ instinct, whatever she pleases, which is why when there’s a mischievous glint in Em’s eyes, Y/N immediately is reaching for her phone. “No.”

Em whines, rolling onto her back. “Why not, you’re so boring!” 

“I am not swiping right on Frederick fucking Weasley.” She feels her face becoming warmer as she says it. Em gives her a look as if to say ‘I believe you’ with a glint in her eye that makes Y/N know she doesn’t. “I’m just never going to open the app again!”

Em rolls her eyes but the fond smile on her face is unmistakable. “And do what, love?” 

Y/N falters for a second before shrugging. “Not perceive his profile. It’ll be gone into the abyss of people who live in London and I’ll never think about it again.” She’s smiling, thinking she’s concocted the most perfect plan.

-----

It wasn’t the most perfect plan, for when Y/N is hanging out with Fred two days later she’s faced yet again with the ‘Tinder Predicament’ as dubbed by Em. Fred and Y/N are sitting in their favourite park, the new spring weather of London on their skin as they soak up the friendly sun rays after a harsh winter. Y/N is laying on her stomach, the book open but she’s barely reading as she pretends to listen to Fred ramble on about only God knows what. 

It’s 11am, not too early for the park to be empty but busy enough that other people are turning up, mostly couples. Y/N tunes Fred out, quickly getting lost in her own thoughts. Do other people think we’re a couple? she thinks to herself. She knows if Em could read her mind she’d say yes and Y/N is quick to push the thought out of her mind. 

Everything is interrupted when her phone lights up with a ‘You’ve got a new match!’ notification and before she can hide it from prying eyes, Fred’s wolf-whistling. 

“You’ve got dating apps, do ya, Y/L/N?” he teases and Y/N wants the Earth to swallow her up, she can’t think of a worse situation to be in. 

“Yeah, don’t you?” The second the words leave her mouth she regrets them. Fred’s smirking at her, a signature smirk of his he only does when she knows he’s up to something. Unfortunately for her, she is on the receiving end of that something.

“Something along the lines of ‘looking for a golden retriever boy?’. Ring any bells, darling?” Y/N feels her blood drain from her body and Fred releases a laugh that can only be described as a full-body chortle. “You know I have one, darling. Besides, you popped up last night. I already knew.” 

Y/N groans. This shouldn’t be as embarrassing as it feels but it’s Fred and knowing Fred has seen her dating profile was low on her wishes for this week, or for her entire life for that matter. 

“Did you at least swipe right on me?” 

It’s said with a teasing manner, falling right out of Y/N’s mouth before she can stop it. Her curiosity always gets the best of her and she wants to kick herself for it. But she doesn’t even notice Fred’s slight falter, the red tint kissing his cheeks and emphasising the freckles across his face at the comment. “You’ll have to swipe right on me to find out.” 

She can’t tell if he’s joking. But Fred is always joking. So she laughs and pushes him slightly, “If I come across your Tinder profile, I’m reporting it.” 

“It would be a blessing from the universe for you to come across my dating profile. I’m sure you’d appreciate my bio.” 

“Let me guess. ‘6’3 if it matters’?” Fred scowls looking down at her and she knows she looks way too proud for that comment but she doesn’t care and after a few seconds, Fred doesn’t care either. He starts to feel a small shred of jealousy from knowing Y/N has a Tinder profile, but he swallows it, tabling it for later when he isn’t with her.

“Why do you have the app?” He blurts out, annoyed at himself for letting it slip out. “Just… Curious, y’know?” He adds on when he notices Y/N looking up at him with an eyebrow raised. He doesn’t really want to know, but the words are out there and the cute scrunch of Y/N’s nose as she thinks of an answer almost makes it worth it.

“Male validation, mostly,” she laughs awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck when she hears Fred laugh along with her. “I don’t know, Freddie.” She says, exasperatedly. “I barely use it. What about you?”

“Sex, if I’m honest.” Now it’s his turn to awkwardly laugh because he knows he answered that way too quickly and a little too honest for his own comfort. Y/N’s been his best friend for years, probably knows him best besides George but she didn’t really need to know he uses his Tinder profile to hook up with people. 

When Y/N doesn’t respond immediately, Fred takes it badly. He knows she would never judge him, not about anything and especially not this, but his thoughts get the best of him and sometimes he can’t help it. He has no idea Y/N is in her own head, jealous other girls get to hold Fred at a distance closer than she ever will. 

He clears his throat and checks his phone to see no notifications besides a direct message from Lee Jordan. He knows George isn’t expecting him home- cursing his brother when he remembers George demanded the flat to himself (and in turn, also Em) today for a few hours. “Hey, uh. I’ve gotta go. Emergency with George apparently.” 

He knows he shouldn’t have lied, it’s not even a good lie but it was the first thing he thought of. He notices Y/N’s eyebrows furrow before she shrugs, nodding before closing her book. “That’s okay, I was getting tired anyway. I might pop back to my flat for a nap.” 

“I’ll see you later, yeah?” Fred asks and his chest feels warm when Y/N meets his face with a smile. 

“Of course, Freddie.” 

She watches Fred leave, her thoughts getting the best of her. She knows for a fact there is no ‘George emergency’- she knows George is with Em probably being sick and in love and she’s sure Fred knows this too. The realisation Fred made an excuse to not spend time with her hits her like a truck, her mind frantically searching for what she could’ve possibly done to upset her best friend. 

“Fuck,” she whispers to herself, the second she realises.

-----

To: Em > if you come home tonight dont mind me being drunk x 

Y/N sends the text as she stands in the kitchen, pouring herself her second glass of wine before it has even hit 6pm. On her way home, she stopped by the liquor store, picked up her favourite wine and decided to drink away the anxieties of upsetting Fred.

From: Em > ill be home. ill pick up chinese on the way. save me some wine!!! x

She smiles down at her phone, knowing Em would always be there without even realising it. She sits down on their couch and turns on the television- old reruns of early 2000s sitcoms playing on almost every channel. 

It’s 20 minutes late when Em turns up. She’s nursing the Chinese food as if it’s a child as she tries to unlock the front door without dropping the food or her bottle of wine. She smiles proudly at Y/N the second she gets in, putting the food on the table before she grabs her own wine glass. 

“What happened today?” 

Y/N is caught off guard but she shouldn’t be shocked. She doesn’t usually drink and when she does, it’s very rarely without Em. “Nothing’s wrong!” she says, skulling the rest of her wine when Em gives her a knowing look.

“You were with Fred today and now you’re sad drinking. What happened?” Usually, she loves when Em is her all-knowing best friend, but right now she wishes she’d shut up. 

“Nothing happened!” She’s adamant to not say too much. She knows it’s probably all in her head, that she and Fred will be fine in a few days but when Em gives her one more knowing look, she breaks. “Okay, fine. I think I upset him today.” 

Em’s confused, to say the least. Fred, for as long as she has known him, has never been upset with Y/N- even on accident. She has the tall redhead wrapped around her finger. “How?” she questions, because she truly can’t think of a single thing that Y/N could do to hurt him. 

Em places Y/N’s food in front of her when she starts speaking. “We were talking about Tinder- don’t give me that look he saw a notification and it came up and he asked why I had it. I said I don’t know and when I asked him, he said he uses it for sex,” Y/N says softly, pouring herself another glass of wine before continuing. “I didn’t say anything when he said that, because… Well… You know why.” 

Em does know. She knew the second she became Y/N’s roommate their first year of University that she had feelings for Fred and she knew immediately Fred liked her too but Y/N’s never believed her. “You think he got upset you didn’t say anything about sex?” 

“I think he thinks I was being judgemental.” Em sighs at Y/N’s response. She loves both her best friends- they’re her favourite people besides George but she knows they can be idiots. They sit in silence for a few minutes, the only sound being the forks against their Chinese containers before Em grab’s Y/N’s phone, unlocking it.

“Well if Fred’s using Tinder for sex, so should you!” she says matter-of-factly and when Y/N groans from the kitchen sink, Em speaks again. “It’s true! He likes you but won’t tell you, you like him but won’t tell anyone! Who’s a good meaningless shag going to hurt?” 

That’s how they end up in Em’s bed, cuddling under the duvet with ice cream and Y/N’s Tinder profile open on her phone. “You’re so fucking picky, holy shit,” Em says when Y/N scrunches her nose up at the sixth consecutive guy. “It’s a shag, not a hand in marriage, love.”

“They don’t do it for me!” Y/N is avoiding the elephant in the room- that she’s comparing every guy that pops up to Fred. “I have to be attracted to them for this meaningless shag you’re preaching about… See, he’s cute!” His name’s Cormac, he’s 21 so only a few years younger than Y/N and he’s not bad looking. 

“He looks like a douchebag!” Em exclaims and Y/N groans. 

“You told me to stop being picky!” 

“Stop being picky doesn’t mean saying yes to the first conventionally attractive guy we see!” Em exclaims as she swipes left on poor Cormac. Y/N gets up to pour herself and Em one more glass of wine each and she hears Em starting giggling to herself when the new profile shows up, hiding the phone from Y/N’s eyes when she walks over. Without even questioning Y/N, Em swipes right and immediately she starts howling laughing. 

‘New Match!’ the screen reads and Y/N feels her breath hitch when snatches the phone from Em’s hands and she sees who she matched with.

Fred, 24. 2km away.

“I remembered after dinner, you said he told you to swipe right to see what he did,” Em says proudly, and Y/N regrets even mentioning it to Em offhandedly. Y/N’s eyes are transfixed on the tiny screen. There’s no way he seriously swiped right, she’s sure it’s only a joke- people jokingly match with their friends all the time. “So here you go, Freddie swiped right on my lil Y/N/N.” 

Y/N shakes her head at this. “I’m sure he only did it as a joke. People do that when they find their friends on Tinder all the time!” she says, sitting back down on the bed and cuddling up next to Em. “You were telling me to swipe right on him last night, after all.” 

Em looks at Y/N and sighs, clearly sensing how uncomfortable Y/N is feeling right now from the confrontation of her feelings for Fred. “I was telling you to swipe right because I know you’re in love with him,” she says softly, not missing the way Y/N’s eyes soften at the mention of her feelings for Fred. “I’m sorry if I’d known-”

“Don’t apologise! I’m just going to ignore the fact we matched,” she says softly, unlocking her phone and immediately exiting from Fred’s profile. The tension from a few moments ago quickly dissipates as Y/N receives another match, this time from a boy named Neville who Y/N knows is friends with Fred’s little brother. 

“When did you swipe on Nev?” Em asks and Y/N shrugs. She knows she probably did it to be funny, like what she thinks Fred’s done to her, but the more she thinks about it, Neville isn’t a bad match. He’s nice, friendly and now he’s in his twenties, he isn’t bad looking either.  

“Nev’s sweet. If he asked me out I’d say yes.” She says. She isn’t lying- there’s been times she’s considered going on dates to avoid her feelings for Fred, to get over him once and for all but whenever it gets to that point, she chickens out. “I know you want a meaningless shag, but I think maybe a date would be a good idea. You know?”

Em nods, pulling Y/N closer to cuddle her and suddenly feeling bad about preaching for meaningless sex. “Maybe you’re more of a date before shagging kind of girl, and that’s okay.” 

“Yeah, maybe.” 

-----

Em’s fast asleep and Y/N’s overthinking next to her when she gets a message from a match. Y/N rolls her eyes when she sees the time reads 2am; knowing whoever's messaging at this time is just looking for a booty call but she opens the notification nonetheless.

From: Fred > i can be a golden retriever boy :) 

She smiles at the message, Fred’s presence always does that to her. She never expected him to message her on tinder considering she’s convinced it was just a joke swipe right, but this is probably just a joking message too. She checks his bio is still the same Aries joke before quickly replying.  

To: Fred > good thing im a big aries fan then ;)  > how tall are you though? im sure youre well aware it matters

She hopes Fred laughs at her messages because making Fred laugh is her favourite pastime. The three dots signalling Fred’s typing pops up and her heart starts to race.

From: Fred

> im 7’5 if its that important :/ 

She giggles and when doesn’t know how to reply after that, she exits out of their messages, but it’s not like she has to keep a conversation with Fred going. She’s trying to think of a funny message to send Fred when she gets another message; this time from Neville.

From: Neville > hi Y/N! i hope this isnt a weird time to message you, i just finished grading some work. i was wondering if you’d like to get dinner sometime this week? we were kind of friends at school, after all, and it’ll be nice to catch up :) 

The message from Neville is sweet, and she almost feels guilty reading it. Attached is his number and everything and Y/N feels her throat closing up. She would feel terrible going on a date with Neville despite what she claimed earlier, knowing her heart currently belongs to Fred. 

But Fred’s lack of interest in her is eating at her as much as her own feelings for him do, and she knows she deserves better than to sit around and wait for him any longer. If Em was awake the date would already be confirmed, she knows that much so she decides to say yes to Neville, to at least put herself out there. She can imagine the little Devil version of Em dancing on her shoulder as she begins to type out a reply to Neville.

She doesn’t even think to look at who it’s being sent to before clicking send. But by then it’s too late- she doesn’t even know how she ended up back in Fred’s messages but now she wants to roll up into a ball and die.

To: Fred > hi neville! id love to grab dinner one day, here’s my number and we can organise it tomorrow because im going to bed now! x

She’s staring at the message for so long she doesn’t even notice the ‘???’ she gets back from Fred. She quickly copies and pastes the message to the right recipient this time before plugging in her phone and rolling over to sleep.

Em’s slight snoring lulls her to sleep, thoughts of Fred filling her mind before she passes out for the night. What she doesn’t know is that while she falls asleep, Fred lays awake, staring at his ceiling. Contemplating the knowledge he has knowing Y/N’s potentially organising a date with one of  his little brother’s best friends. 

-----

Fred hates this feeling; this feeling of jealousy in his stomach that’s threatening to spill out of his throat. He hasn't been able to stop thinking about Y/N accidentally messaging him about a date with another person all morning and he knows George is getting annoyed with him. 

“Why are you being such a prat this morning?” George had asked when Fred scowled at his brother for simply standing in the kitchen. Fred had huffed as a reply, grabbing the milk for his tea before sitting down at their table to munch on his toast.

“Not being a prat,” he says, words muffled by the food in his mouth and George gives him a disgusted look before taking a bite of his own toast. “Do you remember Neville Longbottom?” 

George nods, of course, he knows Neville. “Ron’s friend? Super nice bloke. Think him and Hannah Abbott just broke up, why?” 

Fred shrugs, he’s almost positive it’s the same Neville now. “Think Y/N’s going on a date with him, that’s all.” When George raises his eyebrows, Fred speaks again, “Just wanted to make sure she wasn’t going on a date with a prat.”

“Wanted to know who she is going on a date with in general, more like it,” George mutters under his breath. He knows Fred better than he knows anybody, better than he knows his girlfriend and almost better than he knows himself. “You sure you’re not jealous?”

Fred squints at George. “Why would I be jealous?” Fred stands and makes his way to the kitchen to wash up his dishes and he almost drops them in the sink when George speaks again.

“Because you’re in love with Y/N?” He says it so casually Fred almost chokes on air. He’s never thought about himself and Y/N in that way. Sure they like to cuddle when they’re drunk and they spend every waking moment together but he’s not in love with Y/N.

Is he?

“What makes you say that?” Fred asks quietly, hoping to hide the red blush forming on his cheeks. George might be his best friend and twin brother but he knows he would never live it down admitting he has feelings for Y/N. 

“You two are worse than Em and I, and we’re actually dating,” George speaks as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “When Em first met Y/N, she asked how long you and she had been together for, mate.” 

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Fred says a little too quickly. 

“I’m sure it doesn’t, Freddie,” George smirks as he speaks, getting up to wash his dishes now. Fred stands in the kitchen, nursing his cup of tea as he contemplates George’s words. Sure, he always knew he had some kind of feelings for his best friend, but being in love was another whole ordeal. It means wanting long term commitment, probably a house together, maybe marriage, perhaps kids if Y/N wanted them and the longer Fred sits with these in his mind, he quickly realises he does want all that and even more with Y/N. He’s probably wanted it with her for a while and he just hasn’t ever realised.

“Fuck,” he mumbles, low enough for George not to hear but when Fred doesn’t have a rebuttal to George’s words he knows he’s accidentally sent Fred into an existential crisis. 

“Look, Fred. If Y/N going on a date bothers you, you need to tell her.” George knows he’s about to cross some lines that he promised himself he would never cross but it’s getting dire in his eyes. “Y/N likes you and deep down you know you like her too, even if you’re oblivious. She deserves to know and if you’re too much of a chicken to admit it to her, then you don’t get to be bothered about her going on a date with Neville Longbottom.” 

Fred huffs. He knows George is right, but he can’t help but feel like he truly noticed too late. He swiped right on her on Tinder hoping she would swipe right back and they could go from there. But he knows Y/N only swiped right to see if he had done it first, that she only swiped right out of curiosity and right now, Fred is cursing the app under his breath. 

“Well, fine, yes I like Y/N, but I can’t just stop her from going on a date. That’s controlling and mean.” Fred states and George just sighs. “I’ll talk to her after her date, if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”

George stares at him. “Since when are you mister Que sera, sera, Freddie?” Fred shrugs, not understanding the reference George made. “Since when are you just letting it happen?” George translates when he notices the blank stare on Fred’s face.

“Since right now. I don’t want to come off controlling to Y/N.” Fred says. In actuality, even though he knows George would never lie to him, he’s scared. Y/N is his best friend and the last thing he ever wants to do is ruin his closest friendship all because of some jealousy. 

“Okay fine, but if she gets a boyfriend, I’m sorry mate,” George says and he knows putting the threat of losing Y/N romantically on the line is harsh, but it’s what he has to do. He’s watched the pair pine for each other for years and he’s sure this is the last straw. 

“We’re going out with the lads in a few days, by the way! Maybe you can stop moping enough for a shag!” George calls out and Fred flips him the finger as he walks off to his bedroom. 

-----

Y/N and Neville decide on getting dinner together three days later. It’s a Friday so neither of them has to worry about work or coursework the next day, which is perfect. Neville tells Y/N about his favourite Italian restaurant right near Old Street subway station in Shoreditch, so that’s where the pair decide to meet. 

It’s rather busy when Y/N gets to the station. Neville has apologised profusely for still being fifteen minutes away but she reassures him it’s fine and that she’ll meet him outside the station so they can walk to the restaurant together. 

Y/N’s on her phone, texting Em and telling her she’s safe when she feels a presence next to her. She tenses up quickly but she soon relaxes when she looks at the person next to her and realises it’s Fred. 

“Hi,” she says, smiling. She hasn’t seen him since the day in the park, but they’ve texted and called so she’s sure everything is fine. “What are you doing all the way on this side of London?” 

Fred smiles and shoves his hands in his jeans pocket before replying, “Grabbing a drink with the lads tonight, love. What about you?” His tone is casual and Y/N has to stop herself from checking him out. He’s dressed in a nice dress shirt, it’s orange and on anyone else, it would clash with his hair but Fred somehow manages to pull it off. He’s got a black jacket over the top of his shirt, alongside black jeans that show off his long and muscular legs on and his outfit is paired off with a pair of boots on his feet. 

He’s not making it easy to get over him, that’s for sure. 

“I’ve got a date,” she’s shy when she says it, looking away from Fred and then back down at her phone. The time reads 6:47pm and Neville’s train will be getting in any second now. She’s trying to get over Fred and the last thing she needs is Fred lingering when said date turns up. 

“Ah yes, with Neville, if I remember correctly,” Fred’s teasing and Y/N has to force a laugh out. She blocked out the fact she’d accidentally messaged him instead of Neville and was hoping he would forget as well. But this is Fred she was talking about, and Fred never lets up a chance to tease Y/N for something.

“Yeah, Neville Longbottom,” she says and she catches the look of recognition that flashes across Fred’s face. “He was friends with your brother in school.” 

Fred nods in acknowledgement while he can’t decide whether or not he’s happy with the confirmation that he was right. He’s sad and jealous, that much is obvious, but he’s a little happy. Happy that even though Y/N is going on a date with someone who isn’t himself, it’s someone he knows would treat her like she deserves. 

“Neville’s a good guy, I’m happy for you,” he forces out and Y/N smiles up at Fred and he wants to sink into the Earth. The smile on her face is one he wants to be the cause for forever. “I should get going, tell Nev hello for me!”

He pulls Y/N into a quick hug, presses a quick kiss absentmindedly on the top of her head before letting her go and crossing the street and making his way to the bar he’s meeting Lee, George, Harry and Ron at. 

Y/N watches him leave, dumbfounded. The kiss on the top of her head is nothing less than usual; Fred’s always been touchy with her but now it feels weird. All she wants is to call out to Fred and demand the redhead take her on a date instead. 

But before Y/N can do anything drastic, she hears Neville call out her name and she turns around quickly. He’s just as sweet and cute as she remembers and even if she wishes Fred was the boy she was on a date with, Neville is someone she would be friends with above anything. 

“I hope you weren’t waiting too long!” He says when he reaches her, kissing her cheek as Y/N pulls him into a hug. His presence is comforting and he smells like cinnamon and Y/N feels herself instantly relax.

“Not too long!” She replies as she begins walking towards the restaurant with Neville. During Spring, the cold weather still returns at night so their hands are shoved inside their jacket pockets to keep warm but they’re walking closely together. “I ran into Fred just before, so he kept me company.”

“Good, I’m glad,” Neville says as he grabs the door to the restaurant, “can’t have a pretty girl waiting outside a subway station alone.” Y/N feels her cheeks heat up at his comment. 

They’re quickly seated and wine is ordered. They’ve been placed in a booth right near the window, where they’re able to watch the City of London go by. “How’s teaching going?” Y/N asks when she remembers Neville recently graduated and got an immediate job offer at the Agriculture department at a college in Surrey. 

“It’s going well! I specifically teach the floriculture courses so I love it, of course,” Neville’s smile couldn’t get any wider. Y/N specifically remembers his constant fascination with plants and flowers in school and she couldn’t be happier for him to be doing what he so clearly loves, “What about you?” 

“Being hammered by my postgrad coursework,” she says, laughing and taking a sip of her wine. “My job at the bookstore near my flat doesn’t suck but I definitely don’t work as much as I used to, unfortunately.” Neville raises his glass, almost to say I’ll drink to that when the waiter comes over to take their order.

Dinner goes quickly, conversation flows easily between the two and soon enough the bill arrives and Neville grabs the cheque before Y/N can even say anything. “You can grab it next time.” 

Y/N falters at this. She knows she should say something to Neville; that this has been nice but there won’t be a second date. She’s too caught up in her panic and she’s beginning to curse Fred Weasley under her breath when Neville gently places his hand on the small of her back to lead her out of the restaurant. 

“Are you okay?” Neville asks when they get outside. He noticed the tensed look on Y/N’s face the second they got outside and when she nods and sighs he takes it as a sign to stop walking.

“This has been nice, Nev,” she starts and she feels terrible even though she knows it’s better, to be honest. “But I don’t think I’m-”

“Ready for a relationship?” Neville finishes for her, and he’s not condescending when he says it. He could tell even before dinner was finished that she probably felt that way and he doesn’t mind. “I don’t think I am either. But this was fun, was it not?” 

Y/N nods, smiling as the anxieties of hurting Neville wash away. “It was fun!” she says, “I hope we can do it again. Even as friends?” 

He nods back, a warm smile gracing his cheeks. “Of course.”

They walk back to the station together, promises of seeing each other again soon leaves their mouths as they walk to their respective platforms. 

From: Neville  > thanks for tonight. i forgot to mention, please tell me when you’re home safe!

She smiles down at the text, shooting Neville a reply of reassurance that she will before opening her messages with Em to let her know she’s on her way home. She’s jumping through her apps, Snapchat that she only uses for filters, Facebook she only uses to check the ‘Dogspotting’ group until she lands on Instagram. 

She sees a story from George and when she opens it, she immediately regrets it. It’s their friendship group, that much she expected but she sees a girl sitting next to Fred nursing what looks like a Gin and Tonic and Y/N feels sick. 

She immediately closes the app, pretending she didn’t see it. She has no right to be upset over this but it plagues her thoughts for the entire subway trip home.

That’s when she decides she’s going to demand answers from Fred. She doesn’t know how, or when or if she’ll even do it without Em forcing her to, but she knows she deserves better. That she doesn’t deserve to hang on the end of every touch, every word of Fred’s in hopes he’ll hold her closer than arm's length while she desperately wants more. 

-----

The next night, Fred’s laying on his couch in an uncomfortable position searching Netflix at 10pm when he hears a knock at the front door. He knows it isn’t George, or any member of his family for that matter and any normal person would ring before coming over this late at night. So when Fred gets up and looks through his peephole to ensure he’s not about to be murdered, he’s shocked to see an angry-looking Y/N.  

He opens the door and she’s immediately inside, pushing past Fred’s body and when she turns around, she has the most determined look on her face he’s ever seen. 

“I’m annoyed at you.” Fred’s taken aback, he tries to think back at their interaction the evening before, trying to piece together anything that would annoy Y/N but he’s coming up blank.

“What did I do?” He wearily asks and when Y/N purses her lips together and looks like she’s about to cry Fred has to resist the urge to apologise without knowing what he needs to apologise for.

“I’m annoyed at you because,” she pauses and takes a shaky breath, “I’m annoyed because I went on a date last night. I went on a date with the loveliest man I’ve ever met. And I spent the whole fucking time wishing I was on a date with you. And I’ve spent all of today debating coming over here and telling you that so I drank half of Em’s bottle of wine for some liquid courage and here I fucking am!” 

That’s the last thing Fred was expecting to come out of Y/N’s mouth. “Well, that’s not-” 

“I’m not finished.” She stares at Fred and he immediately shuts up. 

“I’ve been in love with you for years and it’s not fair on me anymore, Freddie.” Her voice is shaking like she needs to get everything out as soon as possible. “I need to know if you feel anything for me, even in the slightest, because if I need to move on, I’m begging you to be honest with me.” 

Fred feels his heartbreak at how sweet, how broken, how defeated Y/N looked standing in front of him right now. He can see the need for an honest answer swimming in Y/N’s eyes and he’s never felt braver to admit his feelings than he does right now.

“I’m an idiot,” Y/N scoffs but lets him continue, “because I didn’t realise how fucking in love with you I am until I almost lost you. I thought…” he pauses, looking for the right words and when his eyes meet Y/N’s, there’s a softness there that wasn’t there previously. “I thought what we had was normal; the cuddling, the constant need to be with each other, the constant subtle touches. But George knocked some sense into me.” Y/N lets out a breath as she laughs, of course, it was George’s doing.

“I’m in love with you, and I think I have been since we were 17. So I’m so fucking sorry, for ever letting you think you meant any less to me, my love.” 

Y/N’s eyes are overflowing with tears at his words and Fred panics for a second before he sees the biggest and most loving smile overtake Y/N’s face. “Fucking hell, you big dummy.” 

She crosses the room, quicker than she’s ever moved before and pulls Fred’s 6’3 frame into her arms. She feels Fred pull her away, only slightly, so he can look down into her eyes and cup her cheek with his hand. His thumb is providing comfort as it strokes across her cheek and wiping away any stray tears. 

She cups the outside of his hand with her own and brings her face to the side to kiss his palm. This is the closest the two have ever been and both their hearts feel like they could beat out of their chests at any moment. It’s the adrenaline from this moment that causes Fred to blurt out his next question, without any hesitation.

“Can I please kiss you before I die?” 

Y/N laughs as she looks up at Fred. She doesn’t even give him an answer, she just pulls the tall boy down before locking their lips together. They’ve both kissed plenty of people, had many first kisses whether it be with first dates or partners but they can both agree this is the best kiss either of them has ever experienced. 

Y/N is pouring everything she can into the kiss, knowing she will never get tired of the taste of caramel that she will forever associate with kissing the love of her life. She presses her lips harder against his, her tongue running along Fred’s chapped lips asking for more before he opens his mouth to massage his tongue with hers. 

Fred decides to be a tease, pulling back slightly before capturing her lips again and biting her bottom lip slightly. This action pulls a moan from Y/N’s throat, soft enough that Fred almost misses it but he can’t help but smirk into the kiss. He wants nothing more than to kiss Y/N for the rest of his life, but eventually, he has to pull away to catch his breath and the whine that leaves Y/N’s mouth might be the cutest sound he’s ever heard in his life. 

“I hope to God you know I’m never letting you kiss anyone else ever again, holy shit,” she says, cheeks flushed red and when she looks at Fred she thinks she’s fallen even further in love with him. His hair’s messy, thanks to her running her hands through it and his lips are slightly swollen. She thinks this might be the most beautiful she’s ever seen Fred in her life and if this is how gorgeous he looks after a few minutes of kissing, she’s secretly anticipating how gorgeous he’s going to look laying in her bed, naked. 

Fred smiles dopily down at her, “Don’t worry darling, I never want to be with someone who isn’t you ever again.”

[lululawrence]

Can u please be nicer on ao3? Maybe you should try answering people's comments

when i read the first line i was honestly flabbergasted and wracking my brain trying to figure out when in the world i wasn't nice on ao3 ever. because i honestly truly try to be nice to everyone always, even when i'm angry or frustrated or people are going after those i love and want to protect. if there was a time i WASN'T nice on ao3, i wondered if it was maybe because my comment had been misunderstood or someone saw me razzing an author i'm good friends with and they didn't get that we are close and i said what i did with so much love and appreciation, you know? like what??? did i do???

but then i read your second line. and please forgive me if i come off as rude in my response to this, because honestly i'm in a pretty bad spot mentally and emotionally in general right now, but PARTICULARLY today, and this ask triggered an anxiety response in me. so. i'm trying really hard to word this in a way to educate without being condescending or mean, but i might not succeed.

firstly, thank you for your comments i'm assuming you've left. i'm also assuming they were nice comments, in which case extra thanks. i'm sure i'll send you effusive responses on ao3 when the time comes.

secondly, please understand that sending an ask like this, on anonymous no less, is incredibly entitled. writing is not my profession, i receive no compensation for my works that i post for free online, and as a part of that it is not required of me to respond. i do my very best to reply to every comment i receive, but it is not always in a timely manner, because i have other priorities in my life. all of which leads us to my third point, which is:

writers do not owe you a reply to your comments. end of. there are no other qualifications or quantifying modifiers to be added to the statement. is it nice to be acknowledged and know your comment was seen? sure. but do they OWE you one? hell no.

in fact, i'd like to offer you a suggestion. a way of tweaking your thinking about the comments you leave on fics. instead of looking at comments you leave as being something that deserves a reply from the author, think of your comments as your way of paying the author for the gift of their time and talents that they have shared with you by posting their fic. that's how i think of the comments i leave for authors. i'm giving them my thanks for the words they've shared! i want to help THEM feel as amazing as they have made ME feel when i read their fic. in fact, my hope isn't necessarily a response from them, but instead my hope is THE GIFT OF THEM SHARING MORE FIC WITH ME. i'm a selfish bitch in that way and i always want all the fic to read. i never want that well to go dry. one way i can ensure that doesn't happen is by supporting authors and being kind to them and spreading all the love and excitement i can about their writing in the hopes that my words will inspire them to share more.

because whether they reply or not, i GUARANTEE they are seeing your comments. i PROMISE they are. and for all you know, your comment might be the one that keeps them writing even when their words aren't coming easily or when they are tempted to give up.

but, again, please remember that no matter what, these authors (including me) don't actually owe you anything.

the rest of this is going under a cut, because honestly my reply is already far too long and i have a LOT more to say now that you've gotten me started.

now, all of this in mind, i'll explain to you why i'm not great with keeping up with comments made on my fics the last couple of years. i don't owe you this explanation any more than i owe you a response to your comments, and i'm honestly not sure you deserve this explanation either, but i'll still offer it anyway. it'll help me feel better knowing i at least put this out there, whether you care or not, mainly because if i don't do that it will cause me greater anxiety having you possibly think i am not responding to people because i feel all high and mighty or that i think i'm better than the comments or whatever the fuck kind of motivation you're attributing to me to see my lack of a response as something "not nice" towards the commenters.

i'm not sure if you've noticed, but i put out a lot of fic. like a lot. a lot of words and shit. i love writing, it's often my therapy and a way for me to help keep my anxiety and depression and ptsd at bay.

now, more personal shit for you, i've got three kids ages 9 and under. the oldest has adhd which we have yet to find a med for that helps to the extent she needs without side effects that aren't healthy for her to continue with, she also has anxiety, AND she's extremely gifted and starting a new program at a new school, all in the midst of a pandemic. and all of those situations exacerbate her anxiety! huzzah! she's also dealing with the beginning of her tween growing up shit, which is great fun because it means where she used to be pretty damn understanding of her younger brother, she is finding it much more difficult to. because the second oldest? he's autistic with some pretty significant gross motor, speech, and socialization delays that have only been exacerbated because of the previously mentioned pandemic. PLUS he transitioned from his special needs preschool to a fully integrated elementary school for kindergarten last year and then had to deal with all the ups and downs of the switch from e-learning to hybrid to all in schooling when everything in him screams for a normal schedule he can rely on to keep his own anxieties and fears and struggles at their minimum. and that youngest child? he was born in january of last year. he STILL barely leaves the house and has only met other children in close range a couple of times because, once again, pandemic!

add onto all of this my own mental health issues, the fact that my husband ALSO battles major clinical depression, adhd, and anxiety, AND we live with my parents who have their own health issues, both mental and physical. i run the home for our house of seven. i keep this place functioning, fed, clothed, clean, and everywhere we need to be for all of our five million appointments every. fucking. day. there is a REASON i've been borderline burnt out for the last fucking year and a half.

now, for fun, i have fandom shit. i love it here, even if it is a dumpster fire on the best of days, and getting to be a part of the writing community is so very lovely. i adore it. honestly, it's because of those friendships i've built with other writers that i have been able to keep writing and have found just how helpful it can be for my mental health. but i'm REALLY. INCREDIBLY. BUSY. i hardly have time to get on tumblr for just a quick swipe through my dash most days. i put off asks so long i forget i have them. i don't have the mental and emotional capacity to talk to people on here or interact fully a lot of the time. but i do my best to do so and be kind while i'm at it even when i don't want to be.

then, on top of that? i also run fic fests like @wordplayfics and help friends run their own. because not only am i a writer, i'm a reader. i LOVE fic. fic has saved me soooooo many times over the past seven years that i've been here. i want to do what i can to support other writers the best way i can, which is to provide a space for them to create their works that welcomes and helps promote them, but also by doing my monthly fic lists and pocast highlighting what i've been able to read, reblogging their fic posts, and then commenting and kudosing their fics too.

sometimes i get really fucking down on myself because i'm so behind on replying to comments, but my brain is very much a "if you start this, you have to finish it" kind of a brain, and i feel even WORSE sometimes if i reply to comments on some fics and not all of them. but i do my best and reply when i can. i was actually really fucking proud of myself because i had a couple days to myself in june, and i spent hours replying to comments on 20 of my fics. when you have almost 150 fics (i think? i don't even know how many fics i've posted by now), that is only scratching the surface. but i tried and i was so so happy i did that many fics at once. it's exhausting, though, and takes a lot of spoons for me to reply to them in mass like that plus time consuming. so i tried to be happy with those 20 fics and the comments i responded to there and told myself that when i ha a moment to breathe, i'd go and work on replying to some more.

but see, that again causes anxiety and guilt. because i haven't replied to all of them. and that anxiety and guilt can cause me to put it off further OR to put off important things like feeding my children or getting sleep in order to finish it, so i have to make myself put things into perspective and ensure i'm doing the important things, like taking care of myself and my family, first.

and then, i have a moment where i CAN go ahead and reply to comments... but i also have MANY fics that are on deadline and i actually have a schedule. a SCHEDULE. for when i'm going to focus on which fics. i can spell it out for you if you really want. i made it back in APRIL to make sure i didn't sign up for too many fic fests because there are so many going on right now that i want to participate in, but i know i can't do all of them so i had to pick and choose. and when you are SO overscheduled and busy that back in APRIL you had to figure out what fics you would focus on at what time to ensure you got everything written when you wanted to through THE END OF THE YEAR, more choices have to be made.

for example. my writing time and time for myself came down to only one evening a week for ALL fandom things i'm doing and a part of right now once the kids were out of school for the summer. it quickly became apparent that for my own self care i needed more time, so i worked with my husband to find two other days i could carve out at least 30-60 minutes to myself to write every week. and i did. but if i'm already only getting that much time and have committed to those fics and fests and things that you're running etc, you have to choose am i going to use this time to try to squeeze in some comment replies? or am i going to write? and i choose to write. simple as that.

so yeah. see it as selfish if you want. see it as mean. you can honestly see it as whatever the fuck you want, but for me? i know that as soon as i possibly can and i can breathe freely for once and not feel like i am constantly drowning in my day to day life and am doing pretty well when it comes to my fic deadlines and getting started on those christmas cards i'm once again going to be making by hand for everyone on tumblr who chooses to sign up for one this year out of the KINDNESS of my heart and the love i really do feel for so many of you, then i promise i'll be on ao3 catching up and commenting. my friends laugh and make fun of me for it sometimes, because they will sometimes get 10-12 replies to their comments in a single day. they know that's how i work. i WILL reply to every single comment i get, no matter how old it is. but for the love of all that is holy, do NOT add to the anxiety and guilt i already feel over it. the only place that will get you is the ask/comment getting deleted if it's a good day, a fucking long rant like this one if it's not, and a block if it's a REALLY bad day.

if you're asking me to be nice on ao3, then i ask in return that you also be nice by not demanding things of people that they are not in any way obligated to give.