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thewritingstar · 5 years

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To Learn to Love Again

Pairing: Gruvia

warnings: character death..

Hi! im not dead I swear!! any ways i truly apologize for this one.......like i cried........but i hope you enjoy???? (i need to write cute stuff...its coming!)

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“Someone as vile as you could never learn love, and that's where you lose.”

Those words had haunted her ever since they had been spoken. Her expression didn’t even waver at the tone and she rolled her eyes before plunging a knife deep into their stomach, silencing them for all eternity. The blood leaked out and she was gone before their leg had stopped twitching.

And they were right. She could never love, not again.

She had gone through husband after husband. Finding a rich hallow shell of man who would drop to their knees in a slight second and offer her everything, that was what she had. She collected her debt and when she was done, they would be cast aside in the shadows, divorced and some even left for dead.

That look of numbness, it was cold and brutal and brought a frosty chill down anyone's spine who had happened to catch her gaze, it was always there.

Ring after ring, she tossed them aside or would leave them for an orphanage to pawn off just to feed the hungry children, she had some sort of heart beneath all the smoke and fog inside. They never lasted longer than a month and if so, it could rust off before she could ever say ‘i love you’.

Those words, like fire on the tongue, sick to the stomach and made her toes curl in disgust any time someone uttered them to her. It was all one sided. She didn’t need affection or anyone. She could handle herself but taking ego of a man and all his riches could only fill the hole in her heart for long. She had sold her soul along time ago anyways.

Love. It almost had her laugh. Almost. It was pathetic at this point to even think about it, to even give that hope a speck of light. No, she was far to gone now. There was nothing in this universe that brought her pride or joy. Even the sweet lemon candy she once loved had lost its touch and was just a force of habit now.

-- She clean the knife in the sink and set it aside. Her gaze went out the window as the rain trickled on. Something so beautiful and needed for the world to grow had now become a nuisance, flooding everything in its path and drawing people away than in. But she was fine with that, at least she knew her place.

Even in the pouring rain, she grabbed the umbrella. She once had a bright pink one with hearts that danced along the top but traded it for the dark blue as it seemed to fit her better now. Someday she wished she had it back, but that would be too much. It would bring back more bitterness than good.

She boots squished in the mud and she gave up caring. There was nothing for her now and slowly and slowly she felt herself drifting farther and farther away, wishing she was like the rain. Here for a second, then gone the next.

“Never learn to love.” She clutched the handle, her knuckles turning white.

She could never love any other.

Not any more.

“Thats where you lose.”

And she had lost.

But they were wrong about love. Wrong about her never feeling the highs and lows of what the feeling was. She had been in love before, a beautiful and wonderful love.

Her memory was constantly playing those times, a loop for only her to know. Where she could run through the forest with him hot on her heels and they would lose their breath and slump against the tree. He would lean over her, hiding her from the burning sun under a tree and kiss her cheek, then her neck, then her lips. She could almost taste him. She could almost see the way his eyes glazed over as he took her in and she could feel the blush.

Memories of them fighting bad guys and using their strengths to out number their opponents, she would hug him tight after a victory and they would slip away from the crowds and he would tell her how much her loved her.

The times they spent dancing, humming to their own tunes. She remembers how shy he was when they first started dating but then his confidence soared and he made sure that everyone knew how much he adored her.

Her laughed at her jokes, held her when she was sad and cheered her on no matter what. They were the ones people rooted for.

The feeling of love was always with her and it washed away the years of pain and suffering she endured. He was the one to carry her out of the dark, to love her a full capacity. To make her head be in the clouds even on the bad days.

She knew what love was.

And then it ended just as it began. She had love the tragedy in literature and now she was suffering, the only difference was once the book close, you could open it and start again. This was permanent.

The scream that escaped her lips as she watched his knees buckle to the ground and fall just as he saved her, it echoed through the empty walls of the house they once shared. The blood that coated the fresh fallen snow, stuck to her mind that a broken record player and when she held him in her arm, he gave her a smile.

His head was in her lap and she brushed back his bangs. His chest rising and falling, it stopping faster and faster. Her face was red with tears and anger but all she could see was his dark brown eyes looking up at her. She could tell you the moment when his eyes had lost his soul and turned black.

“You saved me again.” She said and he had enough strength to bring her hand to his lips.

“You were always so beautiful even when you cried.” he whispered just as his eyes fluttered. “I love you.” And she didn’t think he heard her when she said it back.

She had lost the only one she had ever loved. And that next day she still walked down in her wedding dress and cried until the sun rose the next day. That pit of despair and fear crawled back into her slowly, undoing all the darkness he had vanished.

There was nothing stopping her, nothing keeping her going. And when they all came to find her, she was long gone, never to be seen again.

-- Her feet slowed as she stopped at a small clearing in the forest.

The money, the jewels, the riches. None of that mattered.

This life she was living was suppose to be theirs. She was suppose to wake up and see him there. Walk down the path with him at her side and watch as he would make her small sculptures out of ice. He would sit on the counter as she baked and try and distract her. There was so much of the world left to see yet she had lost her universe already.

Her knees hit the group with a thud but she made no noise as she guided her hand to the cold stone that had his name engraved. The only thing that ever made her feel even the smallest speck of emotion was her ring.

The only ring she had even wore was from him, her beloved. And even that had lost its sparkle over time.

“You know Gray-sama…” She thought this was dumb. Talking to a stone, but right now, more than ever, she needed him. “Juvia thought she could do it… she thought she could be okay.” Her lips trembled and for the first time in a while, she cried. “You taught Juvia how to love. How to be a wonderful and selfless person, you did. And its not fair” Another wave of sadness hit her. She shook her head. “The way you smiled and laughed with your friends, you loved everyone.”

“Juvia just hopes you knew how much she loved you.” She sobbed and she could feel the tears burning her cheeks.

There was a silence, like always and she hoped she would wake up from this bad dream and he would be standing there and his arms would be open and she would run to him and never let go. But she didn’t, and she never would. He was her person and she was his.

She sat at his grave, tracing his name slowly and she prayed that she never forgot the sound of his voice or the smell of his clothes. The feeling of his hands and the texture of his lips had faded like a whisper and before she realized what was happening, it was gone.

“Happy anniversary my love.”

The sky above grew darker as she finally managed to walk away, turning around just to feel her heart shatter again. She could never learn to love again, because how could you love someone when your heart had been given up long ago?

And then the minute reset.

Her eyes were blurry with tears as she heard someone call her name.

“Juvia!” She looked down to see Gray in her lap, fear in his eyes as pulled her close.

Her entire memory had become twisted in her mind as she looked around at the battle field then back at Gray. Her tears were full of anger and sorrow.

“Juvia?’ He said worried about that look but before he could finish she had slammed their lips together and pulled him closer to her.

His breath was warm on her face as she pulled away and she looked him in the eyes. they were still the beautiful shade of brown, full of life with pupils blown wide.

“Gray, promise Juvia you’ll never leave her like that again?”

And the look on her face had sent a cold shiver down his spine. He didn’t know that he had just died and their future had played in her mind, but what he did know in that moment was to never leave her because he loved her.

“I promise.”

She had learned to love, but she would be damned if she ever lost. No, not ever again.

That night Gray gave her a promise ring and it shined brightly and her tears and sorrow were soon forgotten.

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Btw i wasn’t going to add the happy ending but then i thought that yall maybe needed it. Im sorry i havent been posting but now that we are in quarantine, hopefully i can get more going, i have alot planned!!

hope you enjoyed!

#gruvia #gruvia oneshot #gruvia fanfiction #gray x juvia #gray fullbuster #juvia loxar #Juvia Lockser #fairy tail #fairytail oneshot #thewritingstar

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atelophobicity · 4 years

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Top 10 Things You Shouldn’t Do If You Want to Finish Your Thesis On Time

It’s my entry for September! I’ve been busy in consuming new music, films, and kvariety episodes in my effort to catch up on everything. So, I decided to post monthly to fulfill my oversharing Tumblr needs and to exercise my skills in writing in English and putting thoughts into coherent words.

TL;DR of this: things I’ve done instead of doing my thesis for the past year and a half. I’m not romanticizing my not doing thesis self for the past 21 months, but I’m also not dissuading you from doing other stuff besides thesis because god knows, you will need something.

1. Got a part-time job. This was the first new thing I’ve done that really took my time and effectively gave me no time to do thesis. And yet, this was the most rewarding thing as I learned how to get my TIN, accomplish my deliverables, answer to my superiors etc. Looking back, I wasn’t the best employee and I deserved no job offers on the same company after. But still, it was a stepping stone in the right direction. Adulting-wise, anyway.

2. Discover the art of creating.

Journal spreads. I bought a 2019 planner and I couldn’t fill it up, so I decided to turn it into a journal-planner. The art materials I used for to design pages are from old supplies bought back when I was in high school or stickers from the fandom-related events I attended. I didn’t spend money and I was given a chance to be creative.

Sew doll clothes. In K-pop, dolls that look like your idol exists. It usually comes with one set of clothes to dress it. As a “doll mother”, I wanted to dress them with new clothes but buying clothes was expensive. So, I just sewed clothes for them. I made clothes from scrap fabrics or clothes no one wears in our household. I’ve been barely successful, but it’s one of the things that keep me happy and make me feel like I’ve succeeded in one measly part of my life.

3. Purged my online files.

From my high school files. Nostalgia has been one of my coping mechanisms. I was able to be provided by lots of it when I discovered that I didn’t lose my high school files and it was on my mom’s laptop all along. Being able to relive memories while organizing my files was the best hours of that day.

To my external hard drives. Since 2016, I have been a hoarder of online files for so long that I have two EHDs to prove it. This time though, I was able to delete content that was either repetitive or uninteresting anymore. I was able to shave off some of my data bytes and am now able to save new interesting content available online (if I ever find one).

4. Realigned my priorities and consumption of K-pop as a stan and as a person by:

Selling 3/4 of my merch. Unlearning the pride that comes with owning K-pop merch was difficult, but overtime, I have been proud of myself for not falling to the traps of capitalism—at least in K-pop. Also! I was able to buy my own concert tickets with the stuff I sold so it is a win!

Joining giveaways instead. No matter how I can avoid the urge to buy K-pop merch, I still can’t help but want to own them. This is where I discovered how joining giveaways was my next best option. It takes a lot of effort and screenshots to win these things. However, if and when you win, it really feels like winning against the odds. You get free merch too!

Actually spent hours to vote and stream. In relation to the last point, since the main requirement in giveaways I’ve joined are voting/streaming proofs, I have been one of those people who collects points on voting apps or has a playlist of music videos that should be streamed. After collecting and/or streaming, I take screenshots, put watermarks there, and tags mutuals if needed. It’s relatively hard work but there’s a feeling of pride when your idol wins the poll or an MV reaches a certain amount of views and you know you participated in making that happen.

5. Rediscover Youtube. Channels like the vlogbrothers and their associates (Crash Course, Pemberley Digital among others), Buzzfeed’s shows (The Try Guys, Ladylike, Buzzfeed Unsolved) were a delight to watch after being out of the Youtube loop for so long. The platform also offered new niches of content and I allowed myself to be sucked in it. From Simply Nailogical to Ask A Mortician to amazing pop culture video essays like Lindsay Ellis and Jenny Nicholson, Youtube has all it for you! Learning something new every day is one of my favorite things and I get to do it with this website.

6. Rediscover my love of writing. (As if I’ve written anything for my thesis but here.)

Made drabbles. There is a weekly activity on my fandom where we write < 500 word drabbles on any pairings. I have been joining when I can, and through the support of the (small) community (back then), I gained confidence to write one. I’ve written at least four now and I’ve not done yet because I’ve been on a slump lately. But I’ll get back to it soon!

Short story. The same account that brought the drabble challenge created a festival where we write a pairing and write a short story with it. I decided to join the event! Not going to lie, my entry was shit, It was the first draft, it needed a lot of revisions and more constructive criticism and yet, I am still proud of it. It was the first creative fiction I wrote since 2019 and I did it in a day. And, I believe it has potential, so I’m going to review and revise the hell out of it someday.

7. Reclaim my college days.

Reconnected with orgmates. Visiting Elbi for registration and consultation purposes are brightened up by the fact that I get to do this. My first four years of college were not kind to me. I’ve forgotten a lot of things because of trauma and deep sadness that I still have until this day, and when I remember good things, they’re few and far in between. The numbered days I was in Elbi during 2019 were also few and far in between, but they were infinitely better than my academic years from 2015 to 2017. I was able to do the things I wasn’t able to do before (mostly attending Happy Ts and eating in newly-opened food places there) and I get to do it with people I love.

Made friends. One of the drawbacks of being a slot-driven student with no care of my coursemates’ schedules: I didn’t get to establish a friend group. So I didn’t get to make friends. During this time, I’ve accepted that I didn’t have any friends outside my organizations. But this time, instead of a feeling of dread of being that cliché orgmate, I feel relief and happiness because now, I realize that I do have friends from college, unlike the 2015-2017 who didn’t have anyone in college to rely on her darkest times.

8. Appreciated my friends more. For the past few years, I was the shitty friend. I agreed to go on hangouts only to message them that I’m backing out the last minute—sometimes I even straight up ghosted them. I really took my friends for granted. I have been slowly making it up to them by always attending when there’s an invite! I sometimes initiate the invite and it’s always a fun and healing time for me (it was a literal healing time for me as I was depressed during that time). I love them and I’m always thankful for them—and more so now than before.

9. Unlearning things like:

Realizing that a priv (a private account meant to be seen by your mutuals you trust; usually contains unpopular opinions and hot takes on stan twitter) only encourages negative emotions and I must not do it again.

No matter how I tried rationalizing my hate for Jennie when the JenKai dating news happened, I was one of those K-pop stans who hated her because she dated my idol. (I have moved on past that and have started liking her and Rose.)

Knowing that attacking people for what they say won’t make them unlearn their wrong opinions. Not talking down at them and educating with patience is the key, always.

There are still so much more I unlearned and learned where those came from. My main takeaway is: it’s complicated. Sometimes our opinion needs a more nuanced perspective and sometimes it needs to scrapped entirely because it was just wrong. But it is essential so we, as people, won’t be stuck with outdated views of the world.

10. Learning something new like:

Practicing how to do Tzuyu’s helicopter hands until I realized it wasn’t meant for me.

Utilizing Omegle to look for potential quaranflings.

Installing Telegram and uninstalling to ghost quaranflings.

How to do laundry in compliance with my mother’s preferences.

Doing two things at once.

Enough patience to take time and read the laws our government makes every day to know what I’m fighting against.

Optimizing my Twitter lists and now I can keep up with current affairs (that takes a toll on my mental health) then scroll through a fic fest-centric list the next (that helps me forget the stress from reading news).

Learning something new every day has become one of my life goals. Knowing that the world always has something new to offer to me, a speck in this universe, warms me up and keeps me going. And you’ll never know where the new tidbits will lead you. Maybe it’ll help you reconnect with something you’ve known before, maybe it’ll change how you see things, or maybe it’s something new that once explored, it will contribute something new to the community. It may seem small and unimportant but with a tweak in perspective, it might be something worth doing and pursuing.

Looking back at my list, I can finally see how if I didn’t do all these things, I would have probably finished my thesis by now and probably working a full-time job, able to provide the financial needs for my family. There will always be regret that I am still not done until now. But stressing over my current predicament in this time when the world is in its most stressful state yet won’t help me. So, we soldier on and hopefully, hopefully get back to the thesis I’ve been meaning to do.

Let’s get it.

#2020 diary

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seriouslyhooked · 6 years

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Dear No One (Part 1/3)

Short CS holiday story, broken into three parts, where Emma is unlucky in love and decides that for her Christmas wish she’d like to find the right person for her. In an attempt to write what she wants into existence, Emma writes a letter to the man she wants to find someday and then shenanigans ensue. Rated T/M (basically I haven’t decided yet how smutty it’s getting) and based off of the song ‘Dear No One’ by Tori Kelly. Available on FF here and AO3 here.

A/N: Hey everybody! So this little fic started off as a super fluffy idea I had at the end of the summer. I actually posted about it on tumblr, and a few of you begged me to write it, but I warned you it might be hard. Even then I knew that this was a story I needed a little more time with, and as such, what was once a mixtape contender is now its own separate story. The chapters will be short, but I want to jump back and forth between Emma and Killian’s POVs so I felt separating it out was best. It’s also now taking place during the holidays, because I have Christmas fever and I don’t care who knows it. Anyway, this chapter begins with Emma realizing that her Christmas wish is that she wants to find love. She tries to take a first step to finding it, and it might not go exactly her way... Hope you guys enjoy the fluffy, adorable premise, and thanks, as always, for reading!

“Okay Ruby. You got us all together because you said you had something to share. Then you spend all night deflecting. What gives?”

It was the question on everyone’s mind since they walked into Ruby and Graham’s apartment earlier tonight, and Emma was glad that Elsa had been brave enough to ask it. Ruby had made it clear to each of them that tonight was special and big and important, but when they arrived she never brought up what was actually happening. Instead she’d plied them with wine and food and Christmas cookies, as they gathered together listening to holiday music in the ambiance of her friend’s festively decorated home. But while that was lovely (and much needed after Emma’s grueling work week), it was odd and more than a little suspicious.

“Well, if you insist on knowing…” Ruby allowed her words to trail off as she lifted the fingerless gloves off of her hands. For anyone else the article of clothing would seem ‘extra’ or ridiculous. It wasn’t that cold outside. Okay it was – because New England in winter was brutal – but inside it was nice and toasty. But that was part of Ruby’s style. She was all leather and red and black and wearing biker gloves to a wine night wasn’t unheard of. But when she revealed what lay underneath – a huge and absolutely beautiful diamond ring – her friends all gasped at once.

“Holy crap, what a rock!” Emma blurted out, forgetting herself for a moment as she took in the piece of jewelry that had to cost more than she’d make in six months.

“What she said,” Mary Margaret, Belle, and Elsa replied at once, and once their shock wore off all four friends were on their feet and celebrating with Ruby. They were so happy for her and for Graham, and it was truly a magical thing. For Ruby, who was a long-time bachelorette with no intention of tying herself down, this was BIG. It was epic, and it spoke to Ruby’s love for her boyfriend – nay, fiancé – that she was planning to get married and have that typical, happily ever after.

“When did it happen?” Elsa asked at the same time that Belle inquired. “How did he do it?”

“Last night at dinner. One second we’re sharing this to die for tiramisu, I mean like wow wow wow so good, and the next he’s proposing.”

“She would manage to slip a dessert review in even at a time like this,” Emma whispered to Elsa and the two of them laughed together.

“And you’re sure it wasn’t the tiramisu talking?” Belle asked, her tone a bit sheepish. “Not that you don’t love Graham, it’s just…”

“I love dessert more than life itself, I know I know,” Ruby said as she shook her head. “But no it wasn’t that. It was him. I love him, you know? I try to picture what life would be like without him and I can’t. He’s it for me. He’s my person.”

“Heck yes he is!” Mary Margaret said happily, no doubt reveling in the fact that she and her husband David had introduced these two lovebirds a little less than a year ago. “God this is wonderful. There’s so much to plan, so much to do! This is going to be amazing! And to have the proposal at Christmas time? It’s like magic. Real live magic!”

The friends all agreed that this was indeed very special, and the night’s conversation shifted from what it had been before to musings on what Graham and Ruby’s wedding and life together would look like. It would obviously be different than everyone else’s, but the through line that all of the friends had was experience with finding the one. Mary Margaret had David, Belle had her long time boyfriend Will, Elsa had her new beau (who Emma was certain would be a fiancé soon enough) Liam, and the only one who was single and without that kind of experience was Emma. She had never been in love – at least not a love that was made to last forever – and as happy as she was for all of her friends, she couldn’t help the feeling that came later that night when she’d returned to her flat and was alone once more.

It wasn’t jealousy, per se, because jealousy implied something ugly and resentful. What Emma felt was a longing. She wanted something like what all of her friends had found. What they had was love, true love. The kind of love that lasted and thrived. It was a love built on partnership and connection, and it was a beautiful, magical thing. All her life Emma had wondered what such a love would be like and she’d never found it. She’d often believed that was her fate. She was a girl who came from no family. She had started out in this world with nothing and no one, and maybe she was meant to always be that way. Perhaps it was too much to have been blessed with friends who felt like family. Maybe romantic love wasn’t in the cards for her…

‘Emma, that’s just crazy talk and you know it!’

She swore she could hear her friends’ voices all saying that to her as she felt herself falling down the rabbit hole of loneliness and she almost laughed at how deeply they were ingrained in her. They had somehow become the voices in her head, the little bits of conscience that brought her back to reality, and the hopeful part of her heart that did want to imagine that love would find her in the end. Shaking her head at her brain’s antics, Emma responded aloud though she was still by herself.

“I know, I know. I have to believe good things can happen. I got it.”

And she did get it. The problem was Emma didn’t know how to help love find her. She was probably doing this all wrong. She wasn’t exactly an approachable kind of a person, and she definitely wasn’t doing anything to attract a man right now. She was closed off and protective of herself and her boundaries, and as much as that had served her in the past, it was standing in the way of her maybe finding happiness. That was a hard pill to swallow, but it was even harder to imagine what might be a good first step towards changing.

A memory came into her mind at that moment, one from when she was still a young girl in the system. As a kid she’d seen counselor after counselor. Some of them were interested in helping her, while others were bogged down with the masses of other children that they helped. But her last one, the one who saw her as a teen and who fought for her the hardest, helping her get through school, get into college, and start on a path towards a real life, had been adamant that good things came when you wrote your dreams down. Making a plan was all well and fine, but sometimes life and the ways of the world were less defined. Mrs. Hubbard had always told Emma to write what she wanted into existence. It was a way to find the truth of what she wished for, and to get it out there, hopefully helping her move forward.

Though part of her thought this was a little ridiculous, Emma decided she had nothing to lose. She grabbed a pad of paper and a pen, curling up on the couch with a cup of cocoa in hand and she sat there, thinking about what she wanted. Should she write a list of what made the perfect man in her opinion? No, that sounded less personal than she felt was needed in this moment. Emma wasn’t looking for a picture perfect Prince Charming who met all sorts of criteria. She wanted someone to share her life with, someone to lean on, someone to feel connected to. In saying that, she didn’t know exactly what factors or traits would make someone the right fit for her. She had some ideas of course, but it was foolish to think she could have those answers in full. Love had eluded her this long for a reason, so she quickly dropped the idea of a list and moved onto something very different.

“Okay then, I’ll write a letter,” Emma said, happy with the idea until her brow furrowed at an obvious hiccup in this plan. “A letter to who? I can’t exactly write ‘Dear No One.’”

But even as she said the words, her fingers had moved on their own, writing out exactly that. Emma shrugged at it, finding she didn’t hate it as much as she thought she would then continued on, writing comlpletey from the heart.

Dear No one,

We’ve never met before, and honestly I have no idea who you are, what you do, or where you’re from. You are entirely a mystery, but even with that said I know you already. You are the man I could fall in love with, the man who could bring me to a new place, a place I’ve never been before.

Truth be told there are days I think I just don’t need you or the love that you might bring. I like being independent and answering to no one. I like making my own path each and every day. It’s what I know and what I’m used to and I fought so hard and for so long to not just survive, but to thrive. I have made my life up until now. I have built the world I live in and I am damn proud of how far I’ve come from where I started.

But sometimes – honestly more and more often these days – I find myself wishing that you were here. I want someone at my side, someone who cares about me and who wants me just as much as I want him. I want the kind of man who takes my hand wherever we may be and it feels so good that I can’t let go. I want the kind of love that greets you each morning and puts you to bed each night. I want to think of you too much. I want distraction and excitement. I want all sorts of firsts, but most importantly lasts. Because I’m not interested in fleeting or temporary. If I’m going to do love, it’s gotta be all in. I want to be yours and only yours, and I want you to feel the same.

So far this letter has been all about me. I want, I wish, I need… but I know that you have wants and wishes too. If you’re the right man for me, then hopefully I already embody those things, and if I don’t hopefully they’re changes for the better. I’m praying you make me more hopeful, more adventurous, and more willing to take the risk, because loving you – choosing you – will be the greatest risk I’ve ever taken. I’ve never let someone in enough to have that, but I could, for you.

I know that love is never perfect, because life is messy and can’t be controlled. Things won’t always be hearts and rainbows, and I promise that I won’t run. The old me probably would have. At the first sign of trouble I high tail it out. It’s the best way to protect yourself. Staying at a distance and building walls keeps you alive, that’s what life has always taught me. But I will stay for you, to fight for this and for us, no matter what comes.

When we find each other, and I hope it will be soon, I want you to know that I will be ready. But for now, I’m done looking. If we’re meant to be, it’ll happen. We’ll find each other, as all great loves do, and we’ll take it from there, one step at a time.

Take care of yourself in the meantime, and I hope you find reasons to smile and to laugh and to feel happy each and every day. It’s what you deserve.

Wishing you were here, but waiting until it happens…

Emma

When the letter was written, Emma read it and read it again, finding that she liked everything that she’d crafted on the page. It was honest and truthful, and yes, sappy as could be, but that wasn’t her fault. Of course it was going to be sappy! Emma was hoping for true love – and that kind of love always seemed to be just a little bit cheesy. She smiled in spite of herself, putting the letter on top of a stack of papers and leaving it for now, knowing if it was going to work she had to, at some point, leave it alone.

As she went through the rest of her night, eventually falling asleep, Emma found her dreams continued to build off that letter. That night she knew she had visions of the man she wanted, but come morning it was all just a little vague. Dark hair, piercing eyes, a smile that made her knees weak. These were the things she remembered, but it wasn’t a definite person. At least not yet. Still, this mysterious man, a man who’s face she still hadn’t seen was with her through her whole day. From getting coffee at Belle’s bakery in the morning, to work at the office, and back home again, the feeling of him was still there. And after everything, Emma found herself wanting to reread her letter. She didn’t want to change anything per se, she just wanted to see if it stacked up as well in the morning light… there was just one problem. She couldn’t find it.

“Oh shit,” she said aloud, her nerves starting to fray as she looked at the table where it had been and realized there were no papers there. She ran back through her morning, half remembering her pre-coffee existence and she had a trickling sense of fear. She’d needed the papers underneath the letter for work. Oh God had she really been so stupid? She rummaged through her bag, eventually dumping the whole thing out frantically searching for the letter, but it was gone. Emma prayed that maybe she’d moved it last night, and she searched every room she’d been in, in every nook and cranny. She dug inside the couch, behind the chair, beneath every sheet and pillow on her bed, but nothing. It was gone.

Resigning herself to this cold, terrifying reality, the one that had her letter – her honest but completely embarrassing letter – out somewhere in the world, Emma sat down on the couch and hid her face in her hands, sending up a last resort prayer.

Please don’t let anyone find it! she silently begged, but luckily the universe didn’t hear that request. Instead, it was already on its way to granting Emma her Christmas wish.

Post-Note: So there we have it. Just a cute, quick fluffy chapter that isn’t super original, but packed enough holiday love story promise for my muse. I hope that you guys have enjoyed and I’m eager to see what you think. I’m hoping to get the next chapter posted in about two weeks, and then the last chapter the week after. Hopefully I can manage that since school is starting to wind down for the semester. Anyway thanks for reading and I hope you have a great rest of your weekend!

#captain swan #captain swan fic #captain swan ff #cs fic #cs ff #cs fluff #cs au #cs cuteness #emma swan #the whole storybrooke gang #killian jones #ouat au #CS christmas #dear no one #dear no one au #cs holiday fic #cs christmas fic

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spacesave-game · 6 years

Text

Future & other boring stuff

<There was supposed to be some art to accompany the imminent wall of text, but the death of my SSD disk unfortunately thwarted these plans... Old thumbnail by Pequod)

Hello!

It’s been (more than) 2 months since SpaceSave reached version 1.3(pssst – you can download it HERE) and first – I want to say thank you to everyone who’ve supported the game – either by playing or spreading the word about it! Also – it just happened that a new year have started recently(well, relatively speaking) and a lot of people use this opportunity to give some news about their games. So, I can’t be worse! Also – when it comes to SpaceSave updates – this year will be rather slow, so I guess I kinda owe you all some explanations about it. I’ll write about some future stuff from me too, because why not? It’s not like anybody will read this, right?

Anyway, here we go:

SpaceSave 1.4 etc.

If you’re only interested in the question – “Will SpaceSave be still supported?” – the answer is : yes.

That’s the short version – let’s get into details.

In the introduction, I’ve mentioned that it will be a slow year for SpaceSave(and its updates) and there are two reasons for it. One of them is in the next part of this text, but the other one is that version 1.3, while managed to add a lot of new stuff to the base game, was very time-consuming to make(I think it took around 8 months). The problem with all this time spent, was that it managed to eat up into the other projects I’ve been making and eventually became my main project again, just so I could deliver it on the first anniversary. And I’ve still didn’t manage to add everything I’ve wanted(for example – there was supposed to be 5 questlines, but I’ve managed to deliver only 4, or more phone functionalites...)!

This leaves me with stuff I still want to add to the game, leftovers that were supposed to be in the now recent version and more testing(I’ve only had 2 weeks for testing the new stuff and while I think the game’s relatively unbroken – I’d like to test it more thoroughly) but I also want to shift focus from SpaceSave to newer, fresher, tastier stuff.

In that situation, I’ve decided that this year SpaceSave will probably receive one more update(version 1.4) and it will mostly consist of bugfixes and minor changes. Probably no new content(although, I may add that 5th questline that didn’t make the cut, but no promises here). When will I release it? Who knows. I hope I’ll manage to do it this year, but it probably won’t be soon – probably in the last part of 2019. For now – I went “full steam ahead” mode for my new project and frankly – I’m a little sick of making SpaceSave at the moment and want some time to come back later with a fresher mind.

Okay, but what will come after it? Well, I guess I’ll resume adding more content with the subsequent updates(version 1.5 will have such a nice number, so it’s a good bet), but it will probably remain pretty slow. That being said – I still have a lot of ideas for a new stuff for the game and, if I don’t lose will, I think I will be able to support it for at least a few more years. So – if, for some baffling reason, you’ve liked my game – you will be still getting new stuff for it from time to time!

New game!

I’ve spent the whole last part of the text explaining why the development of SpaceSave’s updates will slow down from now own, so let’s look into the main suspect!

So, yeah – I’m making a new game! To be honest, I’ve started making it slowly a few weeks after releasing the first version of SpaceSave, but then I was forced to put it into a hiatus, if I’ve wanted to make version 1.3 in a timely manner. Thankfully, v. 1.3 released two months ago, so I’ve eagerly came to work on this one and the progress so far has been great! I’ve managed to make a lot of graphics already and now I’m in progress of making a prototype. To be honest, I haven’t been that hyped to be able to work on a project in a long time! There is a lot of new stuff I want to experiment with, but I’ll see how it’ll all do in the prototype. Especially, because I’m doing this new project in other version of RPG Maker(MV), which isn’t really known to be very stable, so some kind of crashtest, to see what limits I have, is a must.

So, what’s this new game about? And no – it’s not SpaceSave 2... Well , it’s a secret! But will it be similar to SpaceSave? Well – while some elements will probably remain, it will be mostly a new experience. For now I can only tell you it will be a light RPG with a focus on gameplay(does it mean it will have less reading? Oh, no, no, no – it’s my game after all!) and dark atmosphere(lots of blood and violence! Kids just love blood and violence!).

When will I announce it? I’ll be honest with you – I don’t know, but probably not soon. VERY not soon. Somewhere in 2020 is the most optimistic bet... Why I’m so secretive? You see – when I announced SpaceSave, the game was a few months away from being done and while the scenario will probably not be that extreme here– I just want to be sure that I will be able to finish the game after I announce it, so I wouldn’t disappoint anyone who would be, theoretically, waiting for that new game.

That being said – when I’ll manage to announce it – hopefully, you’ll want to check it out!

SpaceSave-related things

Okay, so now – what will be the future of the SpaceSave “franchise”(that’s obviously a joke)? A sequel? A spin-off? A TV series? A stage play? A dakimakura pillow(please god no)?

Well, the good thing is – whatever I’ll come up with – there is a very big chance that it will fit into the SpaceSave’s universe, which is tremendously helpful while coming up with stuff for the updates. That being said – updates are updates, but new games are always more fun! Unfortunately – they take time to make, so any new project in the SpaceSave universe, at this point in time, is probably out of question. Also, while it’s nice and cozy to make one thing into a series and just iterate on it(don’t get me wrong – I’m not against sequels – frankly, SpaceSave probably needs some kind of a sequel to iron out my beginner’s mistakes), I’m a type of a guy who prefers to move on to new things.

That being said – in case whenever I’ll be in a pinch, I have some ideas for new games already(that includes the sequel and an adventure game[that would be fun!]) and who knows – maybe some of them will become reality in a distant future?

I do have one long-term plan(which means, it’s probably destined to fail), that I’d really want to do someday, though. After finishing this new project, I’d like to revisit SpaceSave and rerelease it, while giving it much needed gameplay and writing improvements, facelift and original music. Hopefully, that will do my original idea justice and will make the game more attractive for a potential player... But it’s still something that I-May-Do-In-The-Future-But-You-Know-How-It-Is , so this idea may be dropped, but I hope I’ll be able to do it eventually.

Okay, I guess that’s it! That was freaking long, so let’s end this wall of text! Thanks for taking your time reading this monstrosity of a post and I hope its contents had given you a good idea how SpaceSave’s(and my other project’s) development will go from here. Hopefully, you’ll be looking forward to new stuff from me and it will make me very happy if you will!

<Sidenote: As written in the beginning – my SSD died yesterday, so at the moment I’m forced to use my old HDD disk, which reverted my computer to its state from October last year. That being said, thankfully, I’ve been able to recover the most important files: SpaceSave project file and development folder, everything related to my new project, my porn fold-..., so I was lucky enough not to suffer any setbacks in my work. You can take it as a reminder to backup your game, because as you can see here – it spared me many headaches in this situation. So – BACKUP YOUR GOSHDARN GAME!>

#rpg maker game #RPG Maker #rpg maker games #indie games #indie game #RPG Maker VX Ace #indie #Indiegame #dev update #news #spacesave

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sweetredbeans · 7 years

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Christmas Future

I wasn’t going to post this originally, but I was specifically requested to. And it got a lot longer than I had it to begin with.

But here is at tale of Christmas Yet to Come.

Zel

It was Christmas Eve night at the Andrews' and it had been a crazy day. Zel had only just managed to get Miles to bed—practically having to tie the 6-year-old to his bed frame, and then when she went downstairs Marie was still up, making sure that every last little thing was “Perfectly Perfect.” Zel had to smile at her Princess—before sending her very firmly to bed/

“Santa will love your cookies, I'm sure, but he can't come until you're sound asleep/”

And now that the younger two were in bed—maybe not asleep, but hopefully working on it—she had to go check on the older two.

Addy and Roy's room had been silent, the cousins now old enough to still be excited, but also know to be good. Very quietly, Zel pushed open the door. Roy, her golden boy, was curled up in his bed, nothing but his fluffy golden hair visible, and breathing softly—she smiled; already asleep

Addy, however, was nestled on the window seat, hugging his dinosaur stuffie and staring out at the snowy, star-spangled night.

“Addy?”

The dark-haired boy started, nearly falling off the window seat as he turned, wide-eyed, to her, “Oh...Aunt Zel.”

She steeled herself—even after three years of taking care of Addy, she still had issues with his demon parentage, but she did her darndest not to show it—and walked over to sit next to him, “Why are you still up? Don't you know that Santa will only come if--”

“I know. I'm gonna sleep,” His eyes flickered back to the window though, and Zel gently shook her head in amusement.

“Come on, Addy, into bed.” She started to get up/

“I thought...I thought since it's a special Christmas, since there's a full moon like in Prancer something magic might happen.”

“Magic...?” Zel paused, staring at Addy, who leaned forward to press his little button nose—almost exactly Roy's, except Addy's nose had a little elfin tip to it—against the cold windowpane/

“I thought...maybe I'd see Mom and Dad...”

Zel's heart hurt, and it was enough to override her head and make her sit back down again, wrapping an arm around Addy's small shoulders, “Oh...Addy...”

He sniffled just a bit, but didn't cry. “This is only your second Christmas with them gone, isn't it?”

He nodded, resting his chin on Strawberry's head/.

Zel sighed, hugging him close. After the Sins had gone, it had only been a year before Red had come to her, nervous, and explained that without Britton, “Someday, someone will come looking for me. And if they find Addy—I don't know what will happen to him, Zel, but it won't be good Please...can you take care of him?” And of course she had agreed without hesitation, and a few months later, Red had vanished and Cel had come to take his place as the factory fell into chaos.

But Addy didn't know any of that—to him, his parents had gone somewhere they weren't coming back from ad he was shipped off to live his with Aunt and cousins.

Zel patted his back soothingly, “Know, Addy, that your parents love you so, so much—and they always will, okay?”

He nodded.

“And Roy and Marie and Miles and Grandpa Dan and I love you too—and of course Tavros and Uncle Dream and Violet—everybody does.”

He looked at her and almost smiled, “I know/”

He hugged her, snuggling into her with his dinosaur, and Zel took the opportunity to swing him up and around—landing on his very red bedspread.

“So you remember that, okay? You're awesome and tomorrow is going to be a great Christmas, but right now you need to go to sleep, all right?”

“Mmm...kay,” Addy yawned, and snuggled under his blankets a s Zel tucked him in.

“Sleep well, and Merry Christmas Addy.”

“Mm...I love you Aunt Zel,” the little boy murmured, and Zel felt a flicker of pride as she tiptoed out of the room.

Addy

As soon as she left, Addy's eyes snapped open, and he wriggled out from under the comforter, scurrying back to the window seat. The view wasn't spectacular—there were other houses and a road in front—but in the snow, under the full moon, everything looked serene and magical

And what Aunt Zel didn't know about was a piece of paper, stuffed between Strawberry and his red fuzzy pajamas. And now, he carefully pulled it out again.

It was wrinkled and slightly crumpled from being handled and hugged and read over and over again. It was written on rose-pink paper, and smelled like sugar cookies, and written on it, in perfect, beautiful print, was a message:

Dear Addy,

I can't believe you 9 years old now! That's a fun age—I hope you enjoy it Gumdrop. This Christmas looks like it will be a special one, and we will try our very hardest to come see you—we promise. We love you so, so much Adriel. More than the Earth itself/

Happy Birthday!

Love,

Mom and Dad

The letter had appeared on his bed three weeks ago on his birthday, along with a pile of presents including a red polka-dot bow tie for Strawberry, which the dino was currently wearing.

Addy hugged Strawberry and the letter again, careful not to crumple the paper too much—although Roy was very good at sleeping through minor chaos, living with Miles and Marie—and snuggled into the poof of the window seat.

The stars and the snow both sparkled, glowing with street and Christmas lights. Addy blinked slowly—it was very late and his eyelids were feeling so heavy, but he had to stay awake to see if his parents came...he had....to...

Addy woke up to the smell of pancakes. He wrinkled his nose, inhaling the heavenly scent for a second—he'd though Grandpa Dan would be too busy to cook this morning—before slowly stretching and opening his eyes.

And then he sat bolt upright, staring all around him. He wasn't in his and Roy's room, but in his house—his old house and his own room, with its burgundy red walls and plush red carpet and window looking out into the back garden. For a second, he just stared, eyes saucer-wide. And then there was a soft knock at the door, and an equally soft voice, “Addy? Are you awake, Gumdrop?”

“...Mommy?”

The door opened...and there they were. Exactly as he remembered them.

His Mommy, tall and willowy and soft, with his cotton-candy fluff hair, and candy cane striped eye patch, and his Daddy, just as tall, but a little harder, but that made his glowing smile and brilliant green eyes all the warmer.

“Merry Christmas, Addy!”

In half a second, Addy had exploded out of bed and thrown himself into his parents' arms, hugging as much of them as his little arms possibly could, “You came! You came!”

His Daddy chuckled, warm and rich, “Of course we did, sugarbeet. We wouldn't miss seeing you for all the world.”

“You've grown so much Gumdrop!” his Mommy exclaimed, kissing his cheek, “You're quite the handsome young man now!”

Addy blushed, giggling, but did not let go—he never again wanted to let go, until his Mommy said.

“Do you want some food Gumdrop? We made all of your favorites.”

That was enough to get him to move. He tried to take both his parents' hands while still keeping hold of Strawberry, until his Daddy took the dinosaur and booped Addy's head with it, “I'll keep an eye on Strawberry until we get downstairs, okay?”

“Mhmm,” Addy nodded, and, clinging to his parents hands, led the way downstairs to the large, airy, warm kitchen.

Piled on the kitchen table were pancakes and parfait and strawberries with cream and sausages and bacon for Red, and and the whole thing smelled absolutely amazing. Addy scampered to his chair, dragging his parents with him. Only when he was settled did he finally, reluctantly let go, as his Daddy set Strawberry in the dino's own spot next to Addy, but neither of his parents moved away. Instead, they hovered next to him.

“What do you want to eat Addy?” His Daddy asked.

“Mmm...parfait and pancakes and strawberries!”

His Mommy laughed as he carefully made up Addy's plate, “A bit of everything then Gumdrop?”

“Mhmmhmm!” Addy nodded, practically bouncing in his chair, until he felt his Daddy's warm, gloved hands on his shoulders, and he looked up, blowing a stray strand of hair out of his eyes. Red smiled, finally, and tucked the hair behind Addy's ear/

“We're so happy to see you, sugarbeet. We get to have a proper Christmas—anything you want to do, we'll do.”

He exchanged a glance with Britton, who added, “But it's dark outside, and cold, so we should stay in,” as he set Addy's plate down with a flourish.

“M'kay,” was all Addy managed before he started shoveling in food, feeding his own Gluttony. It was all so good—he'd forgotten how amazing his parents' cooking had been: it was no wonder he was a little chubby from all this. The pancakes were warm and perfectly golden, and his Daddy drizzled strawberry syrup on them. The parfait, his favorite food, was a perfect mixture of sweet and tart, making his tongue tingle, and the strawberries were so juicy and sweet that they barely needed the cream—although Addy ate that anyways too. While he was eating, he parents did too, but they were a bit better at multitasking, so they talked while they did so.

“Let's see—we have some movies, and Christmas lists, and music and games...” Britton ticked off on his fingers, “And I have to take a lot of pictures!”

Addy grinned, and pretended to feed a strawberry to Strawberry. His Mommy giggled, and his Daddy smiled, and Britton snapped a few photos on his phone.

“Are you done, sugarbeet?” His Daddy asked, “I promise, there will be more treats.”

Addy considered. On the one hand, everything was SO TASTY but on the other, even with Gluttony in him, he felt stuffed, “I'm good...for now.”

“All right; what do you want to do now then sugarbeet?”

Addy scrunched his face in thought and then brightened, “Can we play Chutes and Ladders?”

His parents both smiled, “That sounds wonderful Gumdrop,” his Mommy said, “Why don't you and your Daddy go set it up, and I'll put the food away?”

“M'kay!” Addy skipped out of this chair, grabbing his dinosaur and Red's hand, and scurrying off into their living room. It was deliciously warm and cozy, with a fire crackling and Addy's Christmas tree and presents piled around it. Addy practically squealed, running to the tree—much bigger and more organized than Aunt Zel's—staring up at the sparkling ornaments and tinsel and garlands.

The rattle of game pieces distracted him, and he turned to find his Daddy sitting on the floor with the game. Addy plopped won next to him, helping to unfold the board and pick pieces. Typically, his parents were green and blue, or yellow and blue, because Addy always picked red, even though that was his Daddy's name. Red never seemed to mind—Addy had offered him the red pieces a couple of times but was always told, “I'm not going to steal your color, sugarbeet.”

As soon as they finished setting u, Britton came in from the kitchen to settle next to them.

They played three games—Addy won the first tow, but then he felt bad and managed to lose the last one to his Mommy. Red grinned, “I'm just surrounded by talented game players,” and kissed both Britton and Addy's heads, leading them to giggles.

After that, they played a dinosaur game where you try to get specific types of food and not die as a dinosaur; Addy won that too, as a Triceratops, “Cause Strawberry told me triceratops secrets!” Addy giggled.

His Daddy smiled as he cleared away the game, and then his parents exchanged a glance and he asked, “Addy—what do you want most for Christmas? More than anything else?”

Addy furrowed his brow, and squished Strawberry as the thought—somehow he felt that this was a much more important question than it could be. Finally, he looked up at the expectant faces of his parents—wide caring green and blue eyes.

“I...I want a picture. Of us, tonight.”

They nodded, and his Mommy said, “I think we can definitely arrange that. Come here you two.”

All of them squashed together by the Christmas tree, and Britton took at least half a dozen pictures, “I'll find the very best one for you Addy,” he smiled at the happy little boy.

They played more games, including hide and seek; they opened a few little presents, nothing too fancy because, “After all, it's not properly Christmas yet, is it sugarbeet?” And Addy had to agree that no, it wasn't. Then they all piled on the couch and watched Addy's favorite movie, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 even though it wasn't a Christmas movie. Addy curled up on his parents' laps, warm and cozy and perfectly content, Strawberry cuddled up to his chest.

After the movie, his Daddy went and got his guitar, and settled back next to them, “What shall I play for you?”

Addy was so sleepy, but he managed to mumble, “Play some Chris'mas songs...”

So Red did, strumming softly on the strings, and singing along in his rich baritone voice, “We Wish you a Merry Christmas,” followed by “Twelve Days,” and “Jingle Bells,” and “Sleigh Ride.” When he knew the words, Britton would sing along too, in his light airy tenor, and Addy snuggled into his Mommy's lap, as sleep finally overtook him.

The very last thing he heard was, “We love you, Addy. Merry Christmas...”

He woke up to the distant sound of rumbling feet, and the bright reflection of sunrise on the snow outside the window, which he was still leaning on. Addy blinked twice, looking around, and felt his heart sink a bit—it had only been a dream: pleasant, but it hadn't lasted. In half a minute though, he knew that his two younger cousins would burst into the room, shouting about presents, and Roy was already stirring in his bed.

Addy carefully padded over to make his own bed, patting down the pillow, when he felt something hard underneath it. He pulled out a wrapped present, done up in sparkling red paper with little pink snowflakes. Ripping the paper off, he gasped.

There was a picture frame, delicately carved wood, and in the middle, a perfect print of him and his Mommy and Daddy all smiling and giggling in front of their Christmas tree: the picture that Britton had taken. At the bottom, in curling cursive, was written, “Love you! <3”

For a moment, Addy just stared at the photograph, and he had to hold back a sniffle, before gently setting the picture down on his bedside table, arranged just so that he would be able to see it from bed. He suspected that no other present he got today would even come close to how much he loved this.

And he was right.

#christmas story #addy and zel and roy and cutie pies #this is just made of bittersweet let me tell you

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aurimeanswind · 7 years

Text

Autumn—Sunday Chats (10-1-17)

Fall has finally arrived, and boy do video games just not stop.

Podcast Train Stop

I’m curious if anyone else has tun into the issue where their podcast rotation just stops? I’ve basically stopped listening to all my podcasts except for My Brother, My Brother and Me. I am not sure why, but I’ve fallen off of all of the GiantBomb Podcasts, any other video game podcast, except for really The Easy Allies podcast. Of the group, that one that I’ve gotten into the most recently still sticks with me for whatever reason.

Maybe it’s the want to not listen to hours-long podcast recently? Which is odd because I usually binge many podcasts together back to back. I think the most likely answer is that I had fallen behind and then not been able to catch up.

This is unfortunate though because podcasts are typically my main source of news and now I am getting a little aloof with the gaming news. But I still manage to keep up thanks to the show I help host!

Has this ever happened to any of you? What do you do, try and listen to all the episodes you missed or just jump right back in?

What’s on Tap

Danganronpa V3

This is the big one. Consuming most of my time like Danganronpa is ought to do.

It’s very good y’all.

Danganronpa has a great talent of building off of its predecessors in completely unorthodox ways, essentially carrying forward concepts but in logical ways so it doesn’t seem like all of the characters are jumping to conclusions based on nothing. It just seems like this different group of people decided to take a wildly different approach. Chunsoft then ties that to the personalities and style of those same characters, and it’s a brilliant mix-mash of those intelligent designs.

These games always play with my expectations and take me by surprise, but boy... this one really is messing with me.

Not only that, they’re using loss in a way that is even more emotional and moving then it has been before, which for me has been a first in the series. I actually got choked up after the first chapter because of how this was done.

These games are so good, and Danganronpa V3 is not a disappointment by any stretch of the imagination.

Destiny 2

Finished the raid this past week, and hopefully soon will be finishing it with my original team.

We’ve run into plenty of trouble, but I know we have it in us to knock it out.

Metroid Samus Returns

Uh, y’all? It’s still so good.

Got to some of the new and added stuff to the game and it was absolutely phenomenal.

Very tense, very cool, and very, very fun. I love it.

Questions

Remember to look for my tweet with the hashtag #SundayChats in it on Sunday afternoons and reply to it with your question! That’s the way to do it!

Normally I would have asked a question to you all this week, but I’m holding it off until next week.

So, real quick, as I was going through questions, I noticed a ton of SNES-classic related questions, which reminds me I’ve been playing that too! Let me insert that real quick...

SNES Classic

It’s so cute!

This is the one I wanted, I got it, I’m v happy.

So I jumped right into Zelda A Link to the Past and played through the opening, and it’s still wonderful.

It’s fun playing on an OG SNES controller, though I do really like the classic controller form the Wii Era. The original too, not the pro, because you get a little best of both worlds.

The big one I sank the most time into was actually Super Mario RPG. It’s been so long since I played that that it’s basically a whole new game for me. Plus, I was a kid, and had no clue what the hell was happening. It’s been super funny and super fun to really see that game with fresh eyes for the first time ever.

Okay, back to questions.

Yay! I didn’t know this!

I’d say I am at about an 8.5. I really like the Jackbox games, and they’re especially fun to get a new one before ExtraLife, when we have a ton of people watching a stream and also a ton of people in the room. With the streaming improvements from JBPP3, I think this one is gonna be pretty stellar. Curious to see what games are in there. Hopefully a Quiplash 3!

This is a very gross question Tyler, not because of the subject, but because you narrowly refer to a character as a “bubble butt baddie” which, at the end of the day, I don’t even know what that narrows it down to? Like, who qualifies for that?

I dunno, but the one answer that came to mind was Miranda from Mass Effect 2.

Oh man this is a pretty good question. I never really got into Costume Quest, which, I know, is sacrilegious to say, but it’s true. The text speed was too fast? I know, dumb complaint, but I’m a terrible reader, so I couldn’t keep up.

Anyway, I’d like to think I’d either turn into some kind of lame superhero, or just straight up Banjo and Kazooie. I don’t know why, but that’s the first thing that came to my head...

Here’s the deal, there is no correct way to play video games. Full stop. You can take your time and savor something, but you can also rush through something and savor it too. Like, I played Persona 5 at what I considered to be a slow pace, because folks like Nabeshin beat it before me, because I wanted to “savor it”. That being said, I still beat it in 2 and a half weeks, and 103 hours split into two and a half weeks is still a whole lotta hours per week. But neither of us played it “wrong”.

Like, folks that get qualified as “casual” are going to be seen as the ones that play it slower, but it’s likely because they have other things they need to do. Like sleep. And eat. I don’t do these things! At least not regularly!

On the subject of Destiny 2 specifically, I think it does have minimal post-game content, mainly the Raid, the Nightfall, and Trials of the Nine. Which, like, still seems like more than the original, to be fair? There are hidden exotic quests too, and I have a feeling as we roll into Iron Banner this month, there will still be plenty for folks to do after they’ve finished the game. But ultimately the folks that charged through to 280 in the first weekend knew exactly what they were doing and got themselves into that situation. I just started up my third and final character on Destiny 2, so getting that guy up to 280 is going to be a fun trip for me still.

I dunno, there isn’t a right answer to this i think. But power through games or savor them however you like, because I think you’re the best judge of how fast or how slow you should play a game. Plus, you’ll probably put a different amount of time into a given game depending on how you feel about it, so I get it either way.

Weird. Uneasy. Aroused? Horrified.

Also, it has taken me the full twenty minutes since I screen grabbed this to now when I am typing this answer to form the line “ready to smash” in my head, and I hate me, and you, and everything.

Pumpkin Spice is trash.

I said it.

I’ll say it again.

Take your trash and get out of here.

November is right around the corner. And you know what that means?

Motherfucking Gingerbread Latte.

Aww yay! Favorite month! A lot of folks love October too because they’re into that cool spooky fog feeling! Which is rad, I am not, personally, but I do like the silly Halloween aesthetic. I just don’t like actual scary stuff. Except the occasional scary video game.

As for me, December is my favorite month, for similar reasons. It is the beginning of Winter, which is my favorite season (unpopular opinion, I know) and it’s also when Christmas and new years happens, and if we’re lucky, a bit of snowfall. Ideally, it just means I’m getting plenty of my hot cocoa on.

This a great question. and I think it comes down to what kind of game you want to play. Like, Earthbound is quirky, and with Undertale having just hit the PS4, maybe it’s time to get into that. Mario RPG is cool and timing based and funny, and it may be a great trip for folks who haven’t played it, or don’t remember it, like me! Final Fantasy 6 everyone keeps telling me is great but I haven’t been able to get into it. That said, it’s super traditional, so if that’s what you’re in the mood for, it’s calling. Secret of Mana has the edge because it’s an action RPG, so it’s different then all the rest. Knowing you like Tales, I’d start with that, since it may be the most fun! Also, goddamn is the music in that game great. But it is in all of these.

For me it was either Mario RPG so I could finally really truly play it, or Earthbound, which I was a bit too intimidated at the time commitment to jump into first. For you, Brendan? Try out Secret of Mana! And keep what I said about the rest in mind.

Baked Potato is the superior potato, IMHO. I really love just barely slicing open a baked potato, loading it up with cheese and butter, closing it back up, letting the cheese melt all in it, then cutting it open again, mashing it a bit, then eating it nice and chunky style. It’s a pure delight.

Oh, and I don’t eat the outer skin, but I’ll like rip all the potato I can off the skin, and it’s amazing. I love it.

I just fucking love potatoes though. I’d eat mashed potatoes all day if I could, I just prefer baked potatoes.

Here we go, two lists, back to back. Now since you just said top 10 SNES games I will not limit myself to the SNES classic list, but damn that’s a good one to pull from. In NO PARTICULAR ORDER.

Zelda A Link to the Past

Super Mario World

Secret of Mana

Chrono Trigger

Super Metroid

Super Mario RPG

Mario All Stars Collection

Mega Man X

Final Fantasy 2 (Final Fantasy 4)

Kirby Super Star

I know I’ll get a lot of flack for choosing FF4 over 6, but Sunday Chats readers should know my current situation with FF6. Maybe someday...

Now I do want to say this tweet turned into an N64 hatefest, which I am not a fan of, I love the N64 and the PSone, that era holds something special for me. I understand its issues, and probably in the grand scheme of things, It’s the weakest of the console generations, but there are undeniably great games for those systems.

Now, this list will be tricky, but I’ll give it a shot:

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

Super Mario 64

Zelda Ocarina of Time

Zelda Majora’s Mask

Mario Kart 64

Star Fox 64

Pokémon Snap

Yoshi’s Story

Paper Mario

Super Smash Bros

Bomberman 64

This was actually way easier than I thought it’d be. I even left out a few games that I’d have love to see on there and opted to keep the ones I really like there. I kept to the no Rare rule even for Diddy Kong Racing (better than Mario Kart 64) and DK64, even though those would definitely still make and N64 Classic.

There are few more to shoutout too, but I’ll keep my list at my 10. Boy, looking at this I’d actually totally be down for one of these.

That’s all I got. I know I am bad at covering all my segments recently, but my life has been a bit of a mess as of late. So I apologize!

But thank you for the amazing questions, I adore you all, and I am gonna go let Danganronpa eat my whole soul now.

Thank you all. From the bottom of my heart. For your support. I’ve been terrible about making things lately and you all have not waned with your patience for me. It means the world. I won’t wast your time for much longer, and hopefully this patience will breed something.

Keep it real.

#video games #gaming #n64 #classic #snes class #nes classic #snes mini #n64 classic #danganronpa #v3 #danganronpa v3

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tumblunni · 8 years

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I wish I could hug y'all!

In fact I think I will make it A LIFE GOAL I really really wanna someday be able to visit all my friends who live in different countries! Its something good to save up for, even if it'll probably take years. So.. lets randomly ramble in a journal about Plans!! IDEA THE FIRST TRIP THE FIRST FIRST THE FIRST: THE SEQUEL I think it'd probably make sense to go to america first, since i have a lot of close friends living there and I don't need to learn another language. (I am notoriously dumb...) But then afterwards I could set another goal to save up and visit another friend in another country! IT WILL NEVER ENDDDDD, THATS WHY ITS CALLED FRIENNNNDDDDD So far all I have confirmed is that two of my friends would be happy to see me if I was able to visit america, @darkeiya and @summon-daze But its not like I've exactly asked everyone else, so I dunno really how many people I might be able to visit. And it depends on time constraints too, i might only be able to spend a full day or two with the closest friends and maybe then if there's more than three of us we could all meet up together and hang out en masse? Depends on how tricky it'd be for everyone to get to the same place! SO! PLANS AND THINGS I NEED TO PREPARE! workin to figure out a precise money goal im gonna save for * Become Fab * no but srsly i wanna look my best if im meeting friends in person for the first ever time. need to acquire Cool T-Shirts * figure out what exactly you can and cannot take on an aeroplane, and how to deal with anxiety if i cant take electronics. Nothing's as distracting as videogames when you're freakin out! * DO NOT SCHEDULE ANYTHING ON THE 11th-14th OF THE MONTH. i have a bad history of my period landing on these days ONLY when i have to do something important. Or when its my birthday :P I dont need even more reason to feel nauseous on a plane! * figure out how many days the stay will be, and how many clothes etc I need to bring. probably a basic thing, but this is my first time going on a holiday alone so i need to write stuff down to make sure i remember! * figure out how long exactly I want to spend with each friend, and how long I can afford in hotel fees. And does a plane ticket cos more if you're staying for longer? * find out what kind of luggages are easiest to carry and how to carry three luggages when i have two hands. Can you tie them together and make a luggages train??? * Find some sort of secure way to carry large amounts of money. I'm gonna have to do that since I need to get all my currency converted before I go. I was thinking maybe a little matchbox tin chained to the inside of my coat or around my neck? Something where you couldnt get it without roughhousing with me, and it'd still be hard to pull it off the chain. Gives me a precious few extra minutes to yell for help/possibly bludgeon a guy with a suitcase * Figure out hotel(s) in different areas of america, depending on how far I'll have to travel. And figure out affordable ways to travel the difference if its not a situation where the friend can pick me up. And make sure they are cool hotels, not just the absolute minimum! i wanna make a fun tourist experience of the hotels!! I havent been in a hotel since I was a kid! * Possibly schedule it like a 'safehouse' thing? Returning to home base! I need to make sure I schedule around the potential anxiety of doing so much travel in a new place. So maybe schedule it out so I have a period of me-time in between visiting each friend? Itd probably cost too much to rent a hotel room for an entire day in between so maybe just schedule it out so I have half a day at least. I dunno if hotels allow you to sleep in all day tho, are there rules about what time you need to be up and out? * I'm kinda looking forward to using hotel beds and showers cos theyre like luxury compared to my house XD man, I wonder if I could get a place with a hot tub?? or the fabled mini-bar?? (which i would drink nothing of, but it would be fun to take photos!) And it'd be so cool to see what american breakfasts are like! And lol all my friends have just been like 'YOU NEED TO SEE OUR LOCAL RESTAURANTS' and im like... dude, i dont need to get fatter XD lets limit it to ONE! * I dunno if my friends would just wanna hang out in their local mall or something, or if I could visit their house and say hi to their family? that might be going too far. i'll still bring gifts they can give to their family tho, i wanna show my appreciation to everyone!! * are you allowed to bring extra empty suitcases onto the plane with you? I'm anticipating that knowing myself im probably gonna buy enough souveniers to need one. I'm planning to basically have half the money be for travel and then half again is just for buying NOVELTY HATS! * need to make sure to finally get a passport, and also consult heavily with my support worker and friends to make sure i have every form of travel documentation in order. I know stuff is... not good, in america right now. Thats probably why it'd be good that it'd take me years to save up for a visit, hopefully i'd be there after the next election. But I need to prepare anyway, in case border control is even more stringent. * Prepare the 'ol misgendering, because getting strip searched and treated as a suspicious threat is a very big reality for trans people. Having the wrong gender marker on your birth certificate is treated as 'this passport must be a forgery' rather than.. yknow.. transgender people exist. And then you need to be invasively handled by the guards to make sure you aren't packing explosives down your goddamn pants, they have to inspect the parts of you that you're most self concious about. *shudder* I've heard a lot of horror stories. I dunno if america is any better about it. But yeah I'm probably gonna have to just pass as female during boarding and hotels and stuff, and not wear my binder til i get to meet my friends. Saves trouble... Man, I might have to even go buy some more cliche feminine outfits or something, to make sure. Itd be fun burning them afterwards, I guess... * BRING GIFTS FOR FRIENDS N FAMILY! Figure out what is and isnt allowed to be transferred between countries. As far as I know I cant bring any form of food or drink right? I'm only allowed to eat the in-flight meals? Thats a shame cos I wanted to bring welsh cakes, theyre the only one of our local delicacies that's not a super acquired taste. (I tried bara bryth for the first time and DIED) And I dunno if anyone would be interested in silly souveniers of my country but I could get a pile of em if you are! Want an eight foot tall lovespoon? Want a giant inflatable daffodil? Want a bazillion ceramic dragons? * I am determined to bring at least one personalized super awesome gift for each person! It might just be an expensive merchandise of their fave show, it might be some form of handmade handicraft of one of their ocs! whatever I'm able to do! ^_^ * BRING SKETCHBOOKS SO WE CAN DRAW TOGETHER. LEARN THE WAYS OF THE AMERICAN MASTERS. * hey does anyone wanna trade trading cards yo. They'd be like the single easiest thing to bring with me, but I only have a handful of pokemon ones and i only really have one friend that I know likes yugioh. (And she's in england) * WE CAN FOOL AROUND LIKE DOOFS. God willing, if anyone wants to join me I will play water balloon tennis or jalapeno roulette or any sort of insane friend activity you can think of!! Gotta make up for the fact im a boring teetotaler. Tho lol I probably already act more drunk than the real drunks at a party XD * TAKE A LOT OF PHOTOS!! And possibly try and acquire a portable video camera? I'd only photo/video anyone if they gave me permission, and I wouldnt post it online unless I also had permission for that. I just wanna make a lot of memories and record them forever! Whenever I feel down, I can remember this amazing trip!!! * remember to get one of those plug adaptor thingies cos american plugs have one less prong. Gotta trade the pokeymons!! I know I can already do that easily online but BATTLING IN PERSON WOULD BE EPIC * ...bring an Ash cosplay? XD * no but seriously if i could schedule this right to coincide with an american convention or something that'd be awesome! EVEN MORE SOUVENIERS! And I could actually try cosplaying!! I'd have to find a character that suits me tho, I dont wanna get laughed at like everyone always does with fat people cosplaying thin characters. (Like... almost every character is thin, yo. let people do what they want) * possible idea: magma admin tabitha from pokemon? he's like the only fave I have who's chubby but not like... inherantly a comic relief ugly guy or a seventy year old grandpa. I wanted to do quina quen from final fantasy 9 but I dont think I have the charisma to pull it off. I'd get paranoid if people just treated the character how they treat the character, my brain would twist everything into an insult on my costume or myself XD also I kinda already look like tabitha, tho I'd either have to go without hairdye or like... wear a wig in my natural hair colour. Also his costume is super heavy and sweaty in a convention setting, according to what I;ve heard from other team magma cosplayers. (Makes you wonder how on earth they all wore it on a volcano!) * WHAT IS AN AMERICAN BISCUIT. They look like savoury welshcakes??? Learn about all the language differences! Man I wish I could bring food souveniers back with me, I'd never be able to try every single different foodstuff in america in one day without DYING. AND DYING AGAIN. * Collect product wrappers and advertisements! Its always really interesting to me to see the differences between countries! A friend mailed me an american cola once and the bottle was a whole different shape??? (he also mailed me a bunch of spent shotgun shells, which was kinda terrifying cos I was currently in a christian homeless shelter and I didnt exactly wanna cause trouble XD Apparantly it is totally legal to own unuseable bullets tho, as long as you dont have a gun.) * I dunno if any of my friends would be equally interested in similar things? i could take requests for weird british stuff to bring with me! * for summon-daze specifically: since we are both cuddly honest goofballs of childlike joy, maybe bring some of my plushie collection to show her? I'd usually just bring one as an emergency anti-anxiety measure. Tho the embarassment from having a full on meltdown in public and having to be seen hugging a plush toy to keep from crying means its not 100% effective. Only works good when I'm with people who arent judgmental. Secret pocket gengar plush is good for other times! (I've been squeezing that thing during doctors appointments and nobody noticed!) * extra reason why I'd love to visit my friends: visiting my friends's pets. I have been absolutely blessed by images of dazy's pet cat Pam, and apparantly her family has a few other cats and a dog! O_O WHAT AN AMAZING LIFE YOU LIVE. I always tell her to give pam a hug from me, and I know pam probably wouldnt like me very much when we first meet cos she's shy, but still I'd love to at least see her. I wish cats could somehow know that they give joy to people through the internet! * ...are you allowed to bring medications across the border? is there a procedure I need to go through to be allowed to bring my antidepressants? Would painkillers be allowed too? If not, is there anywhere I could buy plane-bring-onnable headache meds in the lobby or something? Just anticipating that I might get a stress migraine on the plane, cos it'd be my first time ever flying. * are you allowed to take photos out the plane window, if you use a non electronic camera? i know you cant really see anything but panning landscapes but it still sounds awesome!

#long post #sorry #FRIENDS COUNTRYMEN LEND ME YOUR EARS #i still have no idea wtf that means #the amazing america plan

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weekendwarriorblog · 4 years

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30 Minute Experiment: Money #30ME

Okay, let’s do this... I just want to make sure that no one thinks I’m just grabbing Pink Floyd titles for topics for this experiment, although I did recently watch Pink Floyd’s “Pulse” movie now on YouTube where the post-Waters Floyd performs “Dark Side of the Moon” in its entirety. Bummed I missed that tour when it hit Yankee Stadium. (No idea what I was doing but I was pretty busy in the ‘90s.) Anyway, this is a topic that is likely going to be a little touchy and maybe get a little personal, so strap yourself in!

Yeah, money is a touchy topic because like many people across the country right now, I don’t have a lot of it. In fact, not for the first time in the past two years, I have practically none of it, as I wait for one of three possible checks to show up.

I’ve never been good with money and even when I was making a fairly decent living with a full-time job which was probably during my ten years at ComingSoon.net, which is the longest I’ve ever been at a single job either before or after. But I was never good with money when I had it which just makes it even harder to make due with very little money when those cases arise, which has been a lot since leaving CS four years ago.

Don’t get me wrong. I have no desire or goals of being rich beyond my dreams, as frequently or infrequently I might throw away a few bucks on a Powerball ticket, but not being able to manage money has been an ongoing problem with me to the point where last year I ended up selling the comic collection that I literally wasted THOUSANDS of dollars both collecting and keeping in storage for way less than the collection was worth more because I could no longer afford the storage spaces than actually needing the money.

I’m gonna throw out that chestnut of a cliché that “money can’t buy happiness.” I’m not sure who came up with it and if I didn’t want to spend a solid 30 minutes of straight writing, I’d go look it up. But it’s also bullshit.

Anyone who has ever gotten to the point where they have to go on welfare, which I’ve now had to do twice in my lifetime -- oddly the first time RIGHT before I was hired full time at CS. Not sure if it was my pathetic phone call to tell my boss that I couldn’t get to the Fantastic Four junket because ... get this... I couldn’t afford the subway fare (absolute truth), and this was in 2005 when subway fare was closer to $2.00, I’d imagine.

But yeah in the last two years where I haven’t had a full-time job, it’s been an ongoing struggle and it didn’t take long before I realized I’d need to turn to the city for food stamps (now called SNAP) for the first time since 2005. This happened because I filed for unemployment (as I just did again) and then had to wait THREE MONTHS to see any money. I was let go at a time when I was already living paycheck to paycheck and basically given a half week’s payment since they weren’t obligated to give me severance. (This is one of the ongoing issues with having full-time employees who work as independent contractors, especially working in another city than the main company.)

Anyway, that left me with barely enough money to survive until I found a job, and I didn’t find another job or even any work for almost eight months! The unemployment money did eventually show up and it helped but not before I had to go to the city for “Cash Assistance” which is exactly what it sounds. It was something I did in 2005, too, and back then, it became a problem cause I was trying to cover movies/junkets for CS and I constantly had to make excuses to get out of the MANDATORY job work program you have to take when you ask the city for financial help.

This time around, I was pretty much swindled because the person I saw at the city’s HRA center didn’t tell me ANYTHING about the mandatory appointments I’d have to keep... like the ones at 9AM up on 125th Street (I live near Canal) that I’d have to attend five days a week for job search training and that I couldn’t miss a day if I wanted to get financial assistance. I was up there every morning on time at 9AM (and they gave me a MetroCard at least) but by the time I was done with the first part of this program, the Unemployment showed up. The amount I got from the city? About $170 towards one month’s rent. Great.

By now, if you’ve gotten this far, you’re probably wondering, “Why is Ed even talking about his money problems? We’re ALL having money problems right now! Get over yourself!” Well, I go back to that idea of “money buying happiness” and I know that while I was never great with money or how I spent it or even paying taxes on time (that’s a story for another day), but I was watching a concert from Sao Paulo, Brazil last night, a massive concert in a stadium filled with what must have been 80,000 people minimum and thought, “Man, I’d love to go to one of those giant concerts someday.” I made this wish knowing that I’ve barely been able to save enough money to do any sort of traveling over the years outside of work-related trips where I was reimbursed or covered by either job or studio, but also knowing that even if I did suddenly get the money or find a job where I can save up enough to make this trip and be in one of most crowded stadiums with absolutely social distancing (man, I’ll be happy to never hear that word again past year), I’m just not sure it’s any sort of reality.

Don’t get me wrong. I have had a lot of wonderful friends who have had helped me out with open-ended loans and even those who just gave me money saying “Don’t worry about paying it back.” And not just my closest personal friends but even just acquaintances who I’ve met over the years during my “journeys” or time spent online. I mean, wonderful people who have reached out to me and helped me out of the kindness in their hearts because they had some available cash that they could use to help me rather than ... well doing anything else that’s far more important for their own happiness. I’ve also gotten help from my brother and mother to the point where they could help. Heck, my brother has saved my ass more times than I care to mention. I probably him a kidney at this point and I couldn’t even give it to him if he needed it because... remember that stem cell transplant I’ve mentioned a few times during these experiments? Makes me ineligible as any kind of blood or donor. Waugh waugh... Sorry, Rob!

So I’ve had help and I’ve had friends who were kind enough to give me jobs outright, although as of now, I haven’t had any job opportunity last longer than a year since leaving CS.

That puts me back in the place now where I’m still living “check to check” with less knowledge about when checks might come and knowing that almost every cent I earn or bring in from now until forever I’ll probably owe to someone, whether it’s the landlord or any number of creditors or monthly bills. (I’m just glad I only have one cheaper storage space now because trying to pay $900 a month for storage on top of rent was insane especially without a regular job! Hence the unfortunate sale of my comic book collection. Still such a bummer...)

So yeah, I hadn’t intended to mope or try to gain sympathy with today’s #30ME but I certainly have found a LOT more empathy with homeless people and those struggling to feed their families, and I’m so thankful that I do have so many good friends and that I do have a roof over my head and I don’t have a family I need to support... just my own sorry-ass. But it does suck that no matter how hard I try my best not to let the current situation get me down, just the thought of not having money to ... I dunno.... order a pizza (or even get a couple slices if my local pizza place was actually open right now)... it just makes it harder to stay in good spirits through this rough period of time.

Oh, going back to those friends who lent or gave me money, I can never forget when a couple of friends, learning that I had been diagnosed with cancer with NO HEALTH INSURANCE (Yeah, I was never good with doctors, hospitals or insurance a bunch of years back, too)... they got together to do a GoFundMe (completely without my knowledge) and raised a shit-ton of money to help with my medical bills. I don’t forget shit like that, and I’m thankful for everyone who donated including many who barely knew me or only knew me from my writing.

So that’s a few (but not even remotely all) of my current thoughts on money and how bad I feel for others who may have to go through what I’ve been dealing with the last two to four years. Not knowing how you’re gonna have money for food in one or two week’s time is not fun. (Don’t worry... I HAVE FOOD. I stocked up on a lot of dry food using my SNAP and I have enough to do another market run Monday to get things like milk.) I totally feel for those who are suddenly thrust into this situation after years of having a stable job and suddenly not realizing how they’re gonna earn a living or feed their family, which is way worse than any situation I might put myself in. As always, I’ll figure these things out and hopefully figure out some way to get some paying work... but yeah, that government check would be really nice right now, even if I’d have to give most of it directly to my very patient landlord.

And with that, I’m out of time for today. No #30ME tomorrow cause it’s Sunday but I may already have a topic for Monday... so Yay?

#30MinuteExperiment #30ME #Money

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itsclydebitches · 8 years

Link

Summary:

“He likes this song.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

In which Cisco is given seven months to fall in love with Barry Allen. It’s admittedly a little weird - what with Barry being unconscious and all - but since when was anything normal nowadays?

Fandom: The Flash (TV show)

Words: Through Chapter Three: 8,213 (will be around 12k total)

Warnings: None

Pairings: Barry/Cisco

Where to Read it: Below the cut or on AO3 (AO3 recommended for formatting)

~~~

Worth the Wait: Chapter Three

Could you know someone you’d never spoken to? Really get them based purely on their presence and a public profile? Cisco was starting to wonder.

It was freaking him out just a bit. Because the longer Barry just lay there the longer Cisco searched for him online, and the more he searched the more he felt like they’d known each other for years. Barry posted update statuses filled with enough science jargon that all his friends sent exasperated emojis and his former teachers liked the posts with pride. There were silly Vine attempts and one memorable home video, basically laying out for the world that Barry Allen would never be an actor. Barry posted more selfies than the stereotypical teenage girl (all of them stunning), wept about his food, glorified his job (which he didn’t need, he was a goddamn hero in Cisco’s eyes), comforted anyone about anything, sent heartfelt messages on everyone’s birthday, and accompanied those tear-jerkers with presents—despite his slightly iffy bank account.

He was like a ray of sunlight personified.

Cisco knew, intellectually, that a digital footprint was just one small part of a person’s whole. That they were never truly what they posted online. That, really, Barry couldn’t be this sunny, smart, gracious, and heroic in real life. Constructs like this just didn’t exist.

Except then he’d look over at the guy’s still form and think, maybe.

What cinched it for him was another real life person suddenly appearing in, what had become, his otherwise digitalized world. Cisco came into the Lab Thursday morning with bedhead and a packet of chocolate donuts, thinking about how he wanted to test the Suit’s resistance to acid and read more about whether coma patients experienced smell as well as sound. Cisco was lost enough in his thoughts that he nearly ran into Caitlin as she rounded the corner out of the Cortex. They exchanged a silent, rapid-fire conversation—Donut? No, already ate. You okay? Yeah. Sure? There’s a Thing. A Thing??—and Cisco was still trying to decipher what kind of a Thing that hand gesture meant when he spotted the woman sitting at Barry’s bedside.

Oh. That kind of a Thing.

Cisco recognized her. He’d seen her name on the Labs’ entrance logs a few times before and he had vague memories of her standing on the periphery of the action the day they’d moved Barry here. Mostly Cisco knew her from Barry’s pictures though. She was in nearly all of them.

“Hi, Iris,” he said and she turned to smile at him, the both of them totally ignoring the fact that they’d never technically met before. That was refreshing.

“Hey, Cisco.”

“Donut?”

“God yes. Chai latte?”

“Not worried about my cooties?”

“Nah. Go for it.”

She passed over her drink and he set the box on Barry’s blankets, kind of liking how some of the sprinkles spilled over. It gave him a less sterile look. Like a dude who’d actually been munching rather than just...lying there.

The chai was spicy on Cisco’s tongue. He could see the smears of Iris’ lipstick around the cup’s edge.

It was kind of amazing how put together she looked in the face of this ongoing tragedy, and Cisco had to give her points for style. He had his own sort of look going on, sure, but he also know that if his bestie/brother got struck by freaking lightning and refused to wake up he’d be sporting nothing but comfort PJs and tear stains. Cisco tried uselessly to untangle his hair.

“He loves these, you know,” Iris said, holding up one of the donuts. She tilted it so Barry could see. “He always eats the icing first though, scooping it off like—” she demonstrated, scattering more crumbs across the bed.

Cisco pulled a face. “Okay. That’s wrong.”

“Right? You need to see him eat a cupcake. He pulls it apart and like, makes a sandwich out of it. Or nachos! Jesus, he’s always complaining about not getting all the toppings in one bite. I told him to just lift, but he claims the weight is too much for a single chip, and... ”

Iris trailed off, shaking her head. Maybe she was thinking about the implications: that hopefully someday Cisco would get to see Barry and his ridiculous eating habits.

“Food is priority #1,” Cisco said. “He’s a guy after my own heart.”

As soon as he said it Cisco ducked his head, realizing the implications of that, but Iris didn’t even bat an eye.

She just took another donut.Cisco let her.

“You know I’ve started talking to him,” he shared after a few moments of silence. Iris’ smile begged him to continue. “Uh huh. I must look like a real nut on all the security footage. But I read that coma patients can, you know, hear and stuff. Sometimes. So I figured why not? Might as well give Barry something to focus on other than this insistent beeping.” It actually wasn’t even that bad--Caitlin had removed most of the equipment on the third day, growling that it wasn’t doing enough for Barry anyway—but the point remained the same.

Iris snatched her drink back. “What do you talk about?”

“Oh, you know... stuff. Gossip mostly. I complain a lot. Just... things.”

Iris was still smiling. “He likes movies,” she said. “Put Star Wars on sometime.”

“...right.” Cisco very much didn’t voice that the Star Wars franchise was his be-all and end-all fave.

Iris stood then, reaching over to smooth the hair out of Barry’s face. “You gotta wake up,” she whispered and Cisco had to turn away, recognizing the private moment. He didn’t comment on how long it took her to speak again, or the thick quality of Iris’ voice when she did.

Cisco did clasp her arm though as she took up her purse. “Work,” she explained. “I’ll come back tonight?”

“I’m sure not stopping you.” Cisco spread his arms in a welcoming gesture.

Iris seemed to consider him then. One of those cataloguing looks that made Cisco wish he’d actually used a comb this morning. Or worn something other than his Homestuck t-shirt. Whatever Iris found though didn’t seem to be too bad.

“He’ll like you,” she said and it felt like a promise.

Cisco nodded, slowly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. He definitely will.”

They both appreciated the future tense.

Iris left him then with too many thoughts and just the right amount of donuts. Cisco sighed, taking the place she’d vacated (no, it wasn’t his spot, no matter what Caitlin was starting to say) and booted up his laptop, enjoying this new routine.

Cisco pulled up Chrome in one window and a stream of A New Hope in the other. He wafted a donut under Barry’s nose as the story’s scroll began.

“Smell that, dude? Glazed glory, right here. Gonna wake up for it?”

Barry breathed even and deep. His eyes moved briefly beneath his lids. That was all.

“Your loss.”

Cisco was nothing if not gracious though. He patted Barry’s knee while taking a massive bite.

“I’ll buy you more when you do get your lazy ass out of bed,” he garbled. “Promise.”

***

Taking care of a coma patient was, sadly, not all movies and one-sided conversations. Cisco was endlessly glad that Barry gave them all something to focus on (Caitlin in particular, gushing daily now about the ever growing changes in Barry’s DNA. “It’s fascinating, Cisco!” “Uh huh. Sure, Spock.”) but there were some things that just shouldn’t have been a part of the job. Or at least, not part of Cisco’s job.

He so didn’t sign up for this when he applied to STAR Labs.

“You want me to what now?”

Dr. Wells gave him a Look. It was the particular one that was a combination of “I expected more of you” and “please leave your immaturity outside of my facility.” The last time Cisco had gotten the Look he’d accidentally set Level 8’s workroom on fire trying to create goggles that replicated heat vision.

Emphasis on ‘accidentally.’

“I have a meeting with Larson—yes, yes, of rheology fame.” Dr. Wells shook his head. “Please wipe that look off your face, Dr. Snow. She’s not nearly as impressive in person as her autobiography suggests.”

“You read her autobiography?” Caitlin teased, but she did school her features. Dr. Wells waved her off like an errant fly.

“Look, I would honestly like nothing better than to skip this lunch and remain here, but Larson is insistent that we discuss the work our two labs were conducting prior to the explosion. I have… admittedly been putting it off.” Dr. Wells took of his glasses to rub at his eyes. Cisco felt a pang. “I fear you’re the only one available for this shift.”

Cisco looked imploringly at Caitlin.

“Grandpa’s birthday,” she said, apologetic. “It’s literally the one family gathering I can’t miss.”

“Joe?” Cisco suggested, remembering the strong, fatherly man who had accompanied Iris on numerous visits.

“Working.”

“Iris?”

“Also working.”

“And look who else is in his place of employment, on the clock no less,” Dr. Wells gave him another pointed look.

Cisco felt something like panic inching its way up his throat. “And this can’t wait?”

“Don’t be cruel. You’ll be fine,” and with that utterly useless bit of confidence they just abandoned him, like two totally awful, abandoning people.

“I will have my revenge,” Cisco whispered, because really, he was not cut out for this.

Clipping toe and fingernails was one thing. Swapping out full catheter bags was ew, gross, but doable. Turning the guy to avoid bed soars was a piece of cake. But sponge baths?

Cisco looked at Barry. Barry (he imagined) was looking back, with his eyes closed. Judging. Cisco thought about how he’d feel if he was stuck in bed for months without access to a shower.

He shivered. Fine.

Getting the supplies took longer than he’d anticipated, though it gave Cisco time to calm down a bit and, as Caitlin might say, stop being such a big baby about it. He got two tubs of water ready—one for washing, one for rinsing—and made sure that the bath water was nice and hot. It wasn’t like the Cortex was freezing, but who the hell wanted a lukewarm bath?

Easy to wash away soap. Baby shampoo that smelled liked lavenders. Lots of washcloths; even more towels. It took Cisco ten goddamn minutes to find the special basin for washing hair because who the hell had put it with the old microscopes?

By the time he was ready the bath water was no longer scalding and Cisco’s heart wasn’t a freaking jackrabbit anymore. Progress.

“I hope you know,” he intoned, “that this completely solidifies our friendship. I expect best man-level status when you wake up, dude. Got it?”

Barry breathed.

“Damn straight. C’mon now...”

He’d moved Barry before, and despite the muscle developing he was still surprisingly light. Cisco got him on his side pretty easily and slid a couple of towels underneath, really not wanting to change the sheets yet if he could help it. Barry had been going shirtless most of the time anyway, so all he really had to do clothes-wise was tug the pajama pants carefully off his legs.

Cisco definitely did not look at the toned thighs as he did.

“Don’t be a perv about this,” he muttered. “Do not be a perv...”

And for the most part he wasn’t, because he was an adult, and a decent person, okay? Cisco had always viewed his nerd status as at least preferable to the Nice Guy douches, and he was perfectly capable of separating romantic situations from professional ones.

This was definitely the latter.

Even if Barry did have the most fantastic abs. Ever.

Cisco clucked, soaping up a washcloth to run over Barry’s arms and chest. “I should really hate you, you know? I should be jealous here, Mr. Lays in Bed All Day and Somehow Gets Buff. But I am the bigger man here. Even if you’re a freaking giraffe. I’m still bigger. Metaphorically. Okay?”

Talking to Barry had gotten easy over the last few weeks. It was sort of worrying Cisco a bit. He didn’t know if the guy was that good a conversationalist even while comatose, or if he was just that lonely (ha). But sometime between not startling every time he caught sight of the new edition and donuts with Iris, Cisco had let his talking get a little more... personal. Less Jitters gossip and more family drama. Then less family drama and more, ‘Hey, could we actually be buds when you finally decide to wake up?’

Part of Cisco was terrified that Barry would remember all this someday. Another part worried that he wouldn’t be nearly as cool in real life as he was on paper.

The realistic part said he would, but would also 100% not give a shit about Cisco.

“And why should you, man?” he said, carefully going over Barry’s stomach, then his back. “I mean, we just sort of got landed with you. Not that I’m complaining. But it means you got landed with us too. You didn’t ask to get struck by lightning, or delve into an extended nap, or become Dr. Wells’ charity case. You’ve got every right to ditch our asses once you’re up and about.” Cisco regarded the soapy washcloth. “Not gonna hang with your nurse, right? How lame is that.”

He was nearly done with Barry’s upper body now. “But... if you did want to hang...well. I’d be cool with that. Just so you know.”

Cisco stopped. Shook his head. He spent another ten minutes changing the water.

He paused again before removing the blankets around Barry’s legs. “Don’t make this weird,” he admonished.

In the list of things Cisco had planned and expected to do with his life, cleaning another man’s genitals wasn’t anywhere on the list. Outside of sexy-shower fantasies at least. He really shouldn’t have worried though. Barry might have been gorgeous, but there wasn’t anything sexy about a non-consenting partner that made you think more about necrophilia than second dates.

It didn’t stop Cisco from taking his time though. He didn’t like what he was doing—it wasn’t what he was starting to want it to be—but he’d sure as hell do it right.

“There,” he announced, patting Barry dry and pulling the blankets back up. “I’ve saved the best for last. Can’t promise not to get soap in your eyes though.”

It was sort of soothing, washing someone else’s hair. Cisco liked the texture of it beneath his fingers and he tried to get all fancy, like the women did in salons with their massages. He wondered if Barry was in there somewhere, appreciating it. He hoped so.

Cisco found himself smiling as he made little tufts of his hair stick up. “Aww. Look at you. Take note: you would make an excellent penguin. Feels good, huh?”

Barry drew in a slightly longer breath—

—and promptly began seizing.

“Holy—!”

Cisco stumbled back, knocking the basin as he went and sending water everywhere. The motion knocked Barry’s head as well, causing it to loll as the rest of his body jerked horrendously. The blanket he’d so carefully tucked in slipped off to the side. Bits of soap began decorating Cisco’s shirt.

He just stood there, useless.

It was Barry’s right arm flying off the bed (limp, pale like a dead fish) that finally sent him into motion. Cisco’s first instinct was to throw himself atop Barry and stop that godawful movement, but a vague, oddly calm voice in the back of his mind reminded him that you didn’t do that. No. That was bad. But what did you do instead?

“Dr. Wells!”

That’s what he did. He got help; got his mentor. Cisco scrambled over to the Lab’s sound system and slammed his hand over the button with enough force to leave an outline on his palm. “Dr. Wells get up here!” He must have shouted it more than he’d thought, because by the time Cisco remembered that Dr. Wells had left his voice was feeling terribly raw.

Dr. Wells was gone. He was out, for the first time in ages. Because of course this happens. Cisco pulled at his hair, trying to get his useless brain to function for two goddamn seconds. He couldn’t call Dr. Wells. He didn’t know his number. The three of them had practically been living together for four months and he didn’t know the man’s goddamn cell number.

“Oh my god, oh fuck—fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—”

Cisco whirled on the monitors, trying to get all his training in engineering to somehow translate into medical knowledge. He was halfway through a muddled translation of the meds Caitlin had been feeding into Barry this week when one piece of equipment finally made sense.

The steady beat of Barry’s heart—a sound that had become a necessary part of Cisco’s world—suddenly stopped. Rapid beeps became a long whine that sounded like a scream.

“No,” Cisco whispered.

In the same moment he thought, Call Caitlin.

Because he did have her number. They’d swapped months ago. He was her emergency contact, now that Ronnie was gone.

Barry’s not Ronnie, Cisco insisted and dove for his cell. He had it ringing while he grabbed for his Macbook too, screaming as Siri to find him tutorials on CPR.

“Why the fuck didn’t I take that summer class?” Cisco shrieked, trying to get the bed to go flat.

“Why didn’t you what?”

And there it was, Caitlin’s voice, a godsend that cut straight through Cisco’s panic. Even so, he couldn’t recall exactly what he said to her then, only that his breathy ramblings seemed to make some sort of sense, because he was able to toss Siri aside (useless) and follow Caitlin’s instructions instead. He had the phone wedged between his ear and shoulder, Barry’s heart directly beneath his hands.

Cisco spotted a drop of water. It might have been from the bath. It was probably because he was crying.

“It’s not—he’s not—” he kept gulping, feeling like he was about to pass out. There were actual spots in Cisco’s vision when he was suddenly wrenched off the bed, hard enough that he fell straight onto his ass.

Caitlin was here, impossibly. She looked calm and doctor-y and Cisco sucked in a massive breath.

“How?” he managed and she said something about her and her mother getting into a fight. She’d come back here and, oh Jesus, Cisco was so glad she had.

The relief was sort lived though. Barry was still coding.

Which made Caitlin’s next action all the more shocking. She just...stopped. She even stepped back, regarding Barry while every machine attached to him screamed that he was dying.

“What are you doing?” Cisco hissed.

Caitlin looked up. Her expression was awe. It was the first and only time Cisco had seen the true definition of the word: reverence mixed with fear.

“He heart hasn’t stopped,” she whispered. “It’s... tachycardia. It’s beating so fast the machine can’t pick it up.”

Barry stopped.

Instantly. Like the conclusion of a puzzle when you’d finally found the answer, he just stopped. From 60 back to 0 they had their sleepy, peaceful looking guy again.

The monitor began a steady rhythm. Beep, beep, beep.

“God,” Cisco said. Still on the floor he crawled the last few inches to the bed, heedless of how soaked his jeans were getting. He reached up and took Barry’s hand in his. Unbidden, Caitlin did the same.

That’s how Dr. Wells found them twenty minutes later—still wet, still holding onto Barry. Caitlin told him in a shell-shocked voice about the impossible heart rate; how the ‘seizing’ Cisco had seen was actually vibration, Barry’s body moving at a frequency she just couldn’t explain. When Dr. Wells reached them Cisco expected a thorough questioning on this phenomenon. He expected the scientist.

Instead Dr. Wells raised a hand of his own. He hesitated only a moment before laying it on Barry’s arm.

“But he’s okay?” he asked. Dr. Wells raised his gaze, taking in the three of them at once. “You’re okay?”

“Mmm hmm,” Caitlin agreed, a little watery. Cisco nodded.

“Good... good. Let’s get this place cleaned up.”

It was while Dr. Wells was bundling Barry’s soaked sheets that Cisco stopped him, daring to lay his on hand on his mentor’s shoulder. When Dr. Wells didn't brush him off—didn’t even flinch—Cisco mustered up a smile.

“Hey. So I really need your number.”

#Flash #The Flash #Barry/Cisco #Barry Allen #Cisco Ramon #flashfic

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