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[aurimeanswind]

Letter #2: Hey Old Friend

This is something I’ve wanted to do for a while, consider it a thought experiment or hell, maybe even personal therapy. Writing the preface here, before diving in, this could end up being too personal, too dark or too much, I don’t know. I know that there is that risk, meaning maybe this never goes public anywhere, but it’s something I’ve wanted to try and do, so I’m going to do it, and we’ll see what I have to say.

—

Dear Alex,

Hey sweetheart. I know, it feels like it’s been a while since we last talked, and I’m sorry for that. I hope you know I do think about you all the time. You’re so deep in my thoughts sometimes it’s a detriment to how I live, to what I do. But there are little sparkles of you there, every now and again, and sometimes they hurt a lot, but sometimes they make me really happy too.

I know, you’re probably too old for the “it gets better” speech. I get it. I think me sitting here and rambling on about how we’re doing so much better seems kind of shitty, to be honest. I wanted to add some focus, to tell you about things you wouldn’t believe. Sometimes it’s a little thing, and it’s just fucking awesome– you know like when you walk into the bathroom and there is the big mirror on the wall, and you have to stop for a second and think… that’s me? 

Remember that first dream we had together, where you walked into the bathroom and you looked like me, and you were flabbergasted? It wasn’t the change and how silly the rest of the dream was, it was how good it felt. How right it felt. It’s like that in real life sometimes–not all the time, but enough of the time, and it’s only getting to be more and more. I know in that dream you went on to try and explain to your friends that you were a girl now, and they didn’t understand. I remember how you went to work and they told you you didn’t work there, that you weren’t the right person, but that was wrong. I just wanted you to know they were wrong. I know that haunted you a lot, how it felt so good but so hard at the same time, and the difficulty gets easier. You level up, you know how this works by now. 

The double-take in the bathroom still happens all these months later you know, and it really doesn’t get old. I’m sure someday it will, I know it’ll just fall into the background and the bad things, the stagnancy might come back, but I know now you just can’t think like that. It’s about those walking-in-and-seeing-the-mirror moments, those are the little bits of glue that stick the whole world together, that get you through this week to tomorrow, to the next breath, and so on.

Also, you’re gonna feel confident. Maybe not “OnlyFans” confident but hey, I’ll let you know, you’re gonna feel a lot closer to that than you think right now, which is kind of awesome. You’re gonna look great. You’re gonna like how you look, what you wear. You’re going to feel stylish and even beautiful sometimes. I know you never got to feel that before… I’m sorry, we should have talked sooner. Should have opened the door sooner, and sometimes I think about how it’s our fault, but also you only get one journey through life, and this one isn’t all bad. 

It gets hard. The feelings are hard. It’s going to open up those old wounds. Remember all those times with family where you were hurting so much, but you just bottled it up? They’re gonna come back. They hurt a lot more now. You’re going to realize that those things messed you up a lot more than you like to let on. All those times you felt like you were heartless because you felt nothing, or close to nothing, when something bad happened? All those times where it was so hard to cry? That’ll stop, but the floodgates are going to be open. That first time it’ll feel like you’re grieving everything for the first time. That the world is on fire and you’re burning too. It’s going to hurt a lot hun, and I’m sorry. Trial by fire is the whole experience, it’s part of who you are, and you’ll learn to embrace it even if it feels impossible sometimes.

Those times where you’re so torn up, like it’s razor blades inside and nothing else, and you just want to find a way to end it– that will change. It’s the good news part of it. It’s not like it’ll never happen again, but you’re going to find that you actually really want to live. Part of it is for the people who don’t, who pass on and who leave you, leave everyone, but the bigger part is because you’re going to start liking life again. I know it sounds almost impossible to believe, if you had told us that it would get this good even just three years ago, I wouldn’t have believed you either– but it does. It gets good honey, I can’t wait for you to see what it feels like.

Then there are all the things you think are going to change, but don’t, and the things you don’t think are going to change, that do. Remember hoping that you might find rhythm, hell maybe you’re secretly musically talented but the testosterone was what was killing it? Nope. Sorry, the butter-fingers shit doesn’t stop either. That actually gets worse. Keep a packet of bandaids on you all the time, you’ll be going through them constantly. 

It’s really easy to be alone now, and that’s good, and I know you’re having fun with it, and I’m glad. But listen, and I mean this in the nicest way hun, you’re a fucking hermit. Just text someone, anyone sometime! It’s alright, this gets better, that part at least. But it’s gonna be really hard to be alone. I know you liked being single, but it’s because you hate your body, you think no one is going to love it, and hey, they kind of aren’t, not in the time that you’re like you are now. But the loneliness is going to come back. I couldn’t tell you if it’s because of the grief, or the way attention feels now, but being alone is going to fucking suck. You’ll go from intro-to-extro faster than you can even imagine. It’s gonna be pretty sudden too, it’ll be one month, everything like that is normal, and the next you’ll be crying yourself to sleep every night because of how lonely it feels. You’ve got good friends, you still do, some new ones too, that are amazing women that fill your life with light, so don’t be afraid–you’ll manage. 

It’s definitely weird, because you’ll like the sunlight. You’ll like being outside, and that’s a strange feeling for the little girl who was pale as the moon and pretended to hiss when the curtains opened–but now it’s like it’s charging you up. You’ll love lipstick, and make up, and the breeze on your shaved legs. You’ll like the smell of things, the warmth of things. Touch is going to drive you crazy, and when people reach out to your hand it’ll make your head spin. All those little things really add up, I know it’s hard to imagine right now, but they do.

There are good and bad things. Old pains that cut like daggers for the first time in 20 years, and new loves that take your attention away from video games, or Marvel movies, or things you like a lot right now. But it’s exciting to try new things! You know how you always wanted to be a book girlie? Well I’ve got good news! You decided to try it and you really, really love it. Oh, and the sexy books are still your favorite, more than ever.

I’ve rambled on for long enough (yeah, that doesn’t stop, it just gets worse) but I wanted to leave you with one last thing:

I love you. I really do. I know sometimes, we’d look at ourselves, and we didn’t. We hated it. We hated looking into those eyes that seemed so dark, thinking about all the people we hurt, the women we didn’t respect, the mistakes we made… But it’s different now. You’re taking the steps to be authentic, to be you, and I love you. I really, truly do. You’re beautiful, inside and out, and I mean it when I say that. I know it’s dumb, but it gets better. Keep going, and you’ll see what kind of adventures are ahead of you.

Spoilers: it’s pretty fucking great.

Your love, your friend, your confidant,

Auri

[aurimeanswind]

Letter #1: Hello Again, Little Blog

Hello again! If you’re reading this as someone who *only follows me on Tumblr* girl I bet this is gonna be a surprise huh. If not, and you know me from Irrational Passions, or Twitter, or Instagram or something, then welcome back to my little blog. I used to write here every week, a little diddy I called Sunday Chats, where I’d take some questions from Twitter, talk about stuff I was working on, and just flex the writing muscles. It’s been about six years since the last time I did that, which is kind of insane to write out and think about.

Anyway, I’m back, and hey, I’m a girl! That’s cool, right??? This first “letter” is going to be a lot about that, since today is my one year anniversary of starting hormone replacement therapy (HRT), so we’ll get to that. I’m changing up the format, these will be letters from me, written as such, but really they’re just blog posts. I’ll leave up my old chats for a while, but they may get archived at some point, just because I’m not really that person anymore. 

Anyway, preface aside, my name is Auri, and it’s nice to see you again. :)

—

Dear Friends,

Hello! From a new me. A new life. It’s kind of insane what can happen in a year, ya know? How much happier you can become, how much grief you can experience, how much your wardrobe can change!

I’ve missed writing, and writing to you in particular, so I hope you don’t mind a little self-indulgence. I have a lot to catch you up on, so it feels appropriate to write about it, to jot it down and get it in some more semi-permanent format. 

I often think about the question, “what does it mean to you, to be a woman,” as a trans person, and it’s a complicated question, because women are all things and also sometimes very specific things, like sisters, or mothers, or daughters. To me, it’s just who I am. It’s a piece of me that I buried deep down and tried to pretend like it was something I didn’t deserve, that I didn’t belong. It’s something that haunted me, that I thought about being everyday for years. I’d have dreams where I’d do mundane things, like go for walks, do the dishes, but I was a girl. I know this is something I’ve not really talked about online, and I wanted to change that. I wanted to share my experience here, because back in the day, talking about Depression or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome helped people who read here, who would reach out to me and say they appreciated how open I was about these things. Well, now I want to be open about being transgender, because it’s a huge part of who I am, it’s something I am earnestly proud of, and it’s maybe the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life.

So when did it start?

Those dreams, or things I’d dismissively call intrusive thoughts, had been with me since my early 20s. When I found out that cisgendered people don’t actually think about being the opposite gender all the time, I was actually pretty shocked. I thought, “oh well I’m sure there are tons of men that think about being a girl all the time,” and yeah, it turns out that isn’t true! And if you’re sitting here reading this and thinking, “wait… really?” well uh, hey! I’ve been there! And I won’t assume anything on your part just like I didn’t on my own, but I want you to know that it’s actually very good and healthy to explore that feeling, to dig deeper and ask yourself what that means to you. 

I didn’t do that for the longest time. It started with, “hey, I wish I could just be a girl for a day,” and I thought that everyday for years, and then it became a month, then a year, then a dream, then a wish. “God I wish I could be a girl, just because that’s what feels right to me.” I’d look at pictures of my friends, of people or celebrities I had a crush on and analyze their clothes, wishing I could wear things like that. Turns out this is a form of gender-envy, and was giving me gender dysphoria, which was a big contributor to the very same depression I’d write about in this blog years ago. A fog in my mind, a feeling like I am holding my breath everywhere I go. I would hate looking at myself in the mirror, even when I felt confident, or good. I hated being naked, or changing, and I hated myself, to be quite honest. 

So I finally started reflecting. I knew what it was, even if I buried it deep down. The time alone during the throes of 2020 led to a lot of self-reflection, and after dinner one night I asked my rock, my best friend of 20+ years and the best person in my life, Damien, if I could talk to him about something serious. I was so nervous, partly because I didn’t know what Damien would say, and partly because I didn’t know what I’d say! I remember taking him into my room, where I was most comfortable, and curling up in a ball on my couch, feeling the tightness in my chest, and holding so tight to my legs balled up to me, curled in fear of everything, of judgment, of the world. He ended up being more scared than me! Until I finally just said, for the first time ever out loud, “sometimes I think I was born as the wrong gender.”

The journey of self-discovery is a long one, and it all starts with one step. This was mine. After our talk I felt such a lift off my shoulders. It was December 2020, and it’d be years until I really let myself take the next step.

So what is the next step?

I talked to a psychiatrist, I talked to my specialist, and after a year of thinking about it, I finally made an appointment to see an endocrinologist, or a “hormone doctor,” as I have been calling them. I had to make an appointment three months out, which may be because there are a lot of trans folks out there, but also hormones are super important to everyone! Those 90 days were the longest of my life I feel. But I had the support of a small handful of friends behind me. My friend Alyssa was the second person I told, and she was just as warm and welcoming as Damien, allowing me to ask questions, to be myself, to explore what it was to be “she” instead of him. 

March 6th 2023. The day I saw my doctor and started my dose of estradiol (estrogen) and spironolactone (testosterone blocker). Just one year ago! I took a picture that day, and looking back on it, I sure do hate looking at it, along with most old pictures of me to be honest. But I knew when I took it that this would (hopefully) be the one I look back on and then look in the mirror and remind myself I made the right decision. And it is, I was right. 

Now for point of reference, here is a picture of me today:

In all fairness, I was at a particularly low point of my life, it’d be a few months still before I would even feel myself change and become the woman I was always meant to be. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and I still have years and years left of changes and breast growth and voice training and hair styling and… well, you get the idea. I’m no “trans-master” and I don’t want to give that impression. Everyday I still learn something new, and grow in ways I never knew I could. I love that.

So what happens next?

Next was some long months of doubt. Sometimes for trans folks, they know for sure, they’re counting the seconds until they can start the proper hormones their body has been craving. I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure until May of 2023, two months being on Hormones, and I was scared, and I just followed my heart.

This may seem “contrary to the trans experience” but I’ve found that the trans experience is very much a moving target. Everyone is different, and everyone has a different timeline in their head of what they think it should look like. I spent a lot of long months thinking I was “too old” to transition (not true) or that because I didn’t think about wearing dresses through my childhood I wasn’t “trans enough” (also, very untrue). I worried that because my dysphoria wasn’t at a certain level or because I didn’t know with absolute certainty that this was the path that I wasn’t really trans, I was faking it out of some identity crisis, which is dangerously close to a very dangerous narrative posited at trans people to discourage them. 

Sitting here, one full year into my physical transition, happiest I’ve ever been, realest I’ve ever felt, it seems pretty silly thinking about those things, doesn’t it? But I can’t overstate how scary it is to transition, to change your body in permanent ways, to take the leap of faith, with everything happening in our country, with ideas like “Project 2025” looming over our future like a specter. Right now, especially, it’s in your face, but reflecting on how invisible the struggles of trans rights were even before that gives you perspective, sometimes making it feel like it’s never a good time to transition, but really, it’s the best it has been depending on where you live, and that is a privilege, even if it’s also a nightmare just across a state border.

All these thoughts come from months of self-reflection, and the feeling still translates at times to “years of wasted time,” and I hate that, but I carry on regardless. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, my brain feels clear and solid and unified in a way it never has before, I’ve learned what confidence feels like, truly, for the first time. When I look in the mirror, I smile, because I love the girl looking back at me. I can’t, in any words, really communicate to you what that is like, what it’s like to look at yourself and feel uncomfortable, then look at yourself and feel a light, and joy, but I can tell you it’s incredible. 

So it’s been a whole year.

What’s next? Who knows! Some people might think about surgeries or procedures or things of that nature, and maybe, we’ll see. Right now I am focused on fixing my terrible financial situation, which is generally unrelated to my transition. Focus on my life outside of all of this. I told myself when I started, I wanted to just focus on this for a while, and it’s been a whole calendar year. And it feels incredible. I’ve learned that I’m always going to be focusing on this, on me, but I’m ready to juggle a few more plates. 

I have plans to make a safe place for trans people to hangout and chat, specifically in the gaming sphere. I want to put myself out there in a way that I haven’t before, and connect with queer folk in spaces I’ve told myself I don’t belong to for years and years. I want to make new friends and learn of the struggles of other folks, and be more than just an example, but an advocate for kindness and patience in the trans sphere. I want to spread my wings, I guess, and it feels so nice to have found and understand that.

What do I have to say in reflection? I have come back to the phrase, “I didn’t know life could feel this good.” I really didn’t. It’s not about “being a woman,” it’s about living your truth, a phrase I have particularly latched onto in the last couple of years. Being your authentic, true self. I used to carry all this anger in me, and it was a poisoned well that was all I had to drink from. A bitterness and jealousy that haunted me. I wanted to embrace a gentle kindness, and I feel like I pretended to be that person for years. I treated people poorly, I didn’t listen when I should have. Now, I can say confidently that I am living as that person I knew I was. I have embraced her, and told her it’s going to be okay, and we’ll get through this together. I can’t wait to keep being her.

So this is a promise, to return and write again, about these types of things, maybe finish talking about that first year and how it’s been, talk about grief and how I feel like I’ve only truly experienced it for the first time, how I’ve found new closeness and new distance with family, and many more things like that. 

Thanks for reading, if you did, and thanks for listening. I hope this helped you open your heart to a girl from Maryland who is grateful for you, and I hope you’ll come back again. Until then, stay positive, it gets better. <3

Love,

Auri

[aurimeanswind]

Back to Business—Sunday Chats 8-19-18

Okay. So Sunday Chats. How do I do this again? Oh yeah. Writing and whatnot.

Let’s get Started.

The Business Update

So as I’m sure you can tell, if you tuned into Irrational Passions Podcast two nights ago, follow IP on Twitter, or just see the silly shit I do on social media, I’ve been really busy. Sunday Chats has taken that hit, and as I don’t write everyday anymore nor am I writing every Sunday, it’s likely there is no reality I can do these on a weekly basis like I used to. Still, I’d like to work in at least once a month, which is what I have been doing. I know that’s not the pace I was setting back in the heyday of writing everyday, but I’d say I’m generally less stressed and the writing I produce is generally better than it was towards the end of me writing every day. Meaning maybe I made the right choice by decided to put a nice end cap to that journey? Maybe not.

I’ve been far more in a managing role since then, and the thing I do the most now is the thing I love to do the most, host and guest host on podcasts! My podcast output has been up about 300% the last couple months I feel, and that makes me super happy. It’s what I love to do. And with a ton of new shows coming to IP, I’m happy to be a part of them.

So let’s get the update out there. Here are some things we are doing/launching with Irrational Passions that I’m excited about, and I think you should be too!

Irrational Passions Podcast is now on Spotify! So is Input: A Video Games News Show, so if you’re a podcast listener on Spotify, I’ve got great news for you! Get Acquainted should be up there soon too!

Input has officially changed its format to focus on one news story per episode on a more intimate basis. There is still room for more traditionally formatted episodes, but episodes may be coming out faster and more frequently per week, with more focus on single stories and topics. I’m really excited about this change. Give it a listen!

Irrational Passions Presents is a new audio feed coming to podcast services around the globe, that will be home to Article Reads, one off interviews, and maybe other cool little stuff. I’m excited for the possibility it brings, and am stoked to have that out there!

Irrational Passions Video Game Book Club is a new monthly show coming TOMORROW. It launches Monday August 20th with the first part of Batman Arkham Asylum. Each game we will be splitting into three checkpoints, and discussing with varying groups of Irrational Passions members. Scott White has been spearheading and editing this show, and he has done a phenomenal job with it. Shoutout to Scott!

Podcast Ultimate, our Super Smash Bros Ultimate Podcast hosted by Mike Burgess, CONTINUES next week, with episode two all about the recent Smash Direct. We talked for about two and a half hours and it was a blast. Give that a listen on YouTube, which is still currently the only space it is and will be available. Working on possible other options in the near future.

PAX West 2018 is coming up, and much like PAX East 2018, we are coming in FULL FORCE.

I’ll be there, alongside Scott White, Logan Wilkinson and Mike Burgess.

We’ll be rooming with the fine folks from OKBeast.com, and we’ll be doing a crossover podcast with them LIVE on Twitch and YouTube on Friday, August 31st, at 9pm Pacific Daylight Time.

I’ll also be representing Irrational Passions at the Kinda Funny Interwebsite Peer Schneider Cup Tournament or whatever its called in the Hydra Theatre on Saturday September 1st at 7pm PDT. Come see me! Support me! Or just say hi! I am absolutely going to lose, but I’m going to try my best!

So a lot of this is the culmination of things we’ve been working on for a while. The Book Club especially we’ve been working on since February. Everyone is hard at work and CRUSHING it, in addition to the reviews, podcasts, and opinion pieces we will continue to put out. Jurge called this the “IP Direct” on Twitter because this is our Nintendo-direct level of announcements. We’ve been working hard and will continue to do so going forward, and while that may mean we can’t sit and chat EVERY Sunday, I still plan on making time for all of you once a month at least.

A big part of that, as some folks may have seen, is I’ll be soliciting questions for Sunday Chats on Saturdays now. So it’s the same deal outside of that, look for my tweet that has the hashtag #SundayChats in it, just look for it on Saturdays now. It gives me time to get things done and organized a bit easier and faster, and cuts less into my day off now, which will hopefully streamline the process.

That all being said, I’m going to skip game talk this time and go right into...

Questions!

Let’s get to it.

Whoa boy a lot to unpack here. I’ll go one at a time now.

Selfie Saturday has officially become Selfie Sundays. Sorry for the lack of warning all, but selfies aren’t going away anytime soon.

Am I concerned? No. Not after this last direct. You’ll hear me talk about it on this next Podcast Ultimate but for me the new Smash Bros would not be “ultimate” if there wasn’t a story mode in it. And there appears to be one, going off this recent teaser in the direct. I know it’s dumb, but as someone who predominantly plays Smash by himself, it’s honestly super important to me to have that. I think that’ll be new and I think that’ll be really exciting too!

I think as a game they will likely hope to update and support for a while to come, coming out two years into the Switch’s life and I think the Switch will be around for a while to come, that they are just teeing this up to have tons of stuff either in expansions and DLC later, and have as much in the base as it can. Smash fans I think want all the stuff from the previous games, and I think there are plenty of quality of life things that make this new as well. Like, the Wii U game was so good, but missed those QoL improvements that really stopped it from being great. Plus, it was on a platform that no one had. Now everyone has a Switch, and anyone can stop and say “let’s play Smash” and have folk break out the Switch to play Smash at any event or whatever. That’s a big deal. It’s kind of what they wanted the 3DS game to be, but even that version of the game was neutered compared to it’s same-release Wii U counterpart. Now it’s the best of both worlds, it’s a loving culmination of Smash itself and everything that’s made Smash great up until this point, and I’m crazy stoked for it.

So the Filip stuff is tricky. I haven’t really talked about it too much publicly, but the more comes out about it the more upset I get. To be perfectly honest? Yeah. I’m really pissed about it. But me getting angry helps literally no one. I took English and Journalism class super seriously, going through what little college I did. And I’m sure someone like Greg Miller would say the same being someone who went through actual journalistic training, for more than me, plagiarism is super fucked. And Filip built a career on it.

It makes me lose faith in the system of getting hired at a place like IGN. It helps reinforce those things you hear about folk that are hired out that they are just picking from a very specific pool that meet a specific vision for that place. And that hurts me. Because I would like to think and hope the quality of my work and my worth ETHIC above all and anything else, having done all I have done on a weekly basis for almost a decade would be enough. But clearly it isn’t.

But I’d rather not harp on too much about it. I do believe in good karma, and what goes around comes around, and so I will continue to push my positivity out into the world, and hope it does something good for me.

No, I cannot ride a bike. I know it’s crazy, and I know Jacob Bryant has trouble believing it.

The day I decided was the last day I’d try and learn how to ride a bike was the summer when I was maybe six or seven. At the house I grew up in there was this hill near the opening of our drive way. I took the training wheels of my Bike and went to the top of the hill. I said “this is the day. Make or break,” and I got my legs up on the Bike. I was either going to ride down that hill and keep riding, or fail and fall over and give up on riding a Bike for the rest of my life.

I pulled my legs up and....

Well, I immediately fell to the right and scraped up my knee and leg. I didn't even make it down the hill a little bit. I started quietly crying to myself, because I was like, six, took my Bike, put it in the garage, and went inside to play video games.

That was the last time I ever rode a bike.

Listen, so many folks have been coming to me saying how Video Game Book Club took inspiration from their show or whatever JON. One, it wasn’t even my idea. I did have the idea to split each game into three checkpoints.

But my MAIN INSPIRATION for the show was actually Rebel FM’s book club. The only one I heard them do was Dead Space 2, a phenomenal game. I know a lot of video game book clubs exist though, and for example Mike’s big inspiration for his ideas in the club was the GameInformer Book Club. Basically, no one is original.

I have a ton of stuff on Audible that I need to finish listening to. I do not read at all, because I’m awful, so I just listen to books. A couple I really adored and finished earlier this year were the King Killer Chronicles books. The first two in the trilogy are out, and hopefully the third will come out sometime ever in my life. They’re by Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind and A Wise Man’s Fear. Super good. Amazing world building and a huge focus on currency, which I really liked.

I really want to finish Ready Player One, I got about two thirds into it and really liked it. I also grabbed Altered Carbon, the Dark Tower 1, and You’re Never Weird on the Internet, Felicia Day’s autobiography. Those are the ones on my shelf right now.

I’ve been following some of the Tweets. I love it. I’m also going through them again with the Three Best Friends Podcast folks in a Limited Run series they’re doing, featuring: me! All about Kingdom Hearts. The first two episodes should be out now, and they’re crazy fun.

Of those three, I think Birth By Sleep is the clear winner, and it’s really because it is the only “complete game” out of the three. What I mean is there isn’t kind of, revisiting or rehashing in it. 358/2 and Chain of Memories both rely so heavily on the Kingdom Hearts 1 worlds, especially Chain of Memories, while introducing their own stories that are both very good I think, Chain of Memories being the far, far, far better one for me personally, but the repetition in both still hurts it so much.

Birth By Sleep has the issue of revisiting its OWN bullshit like seven times in that game as you play through all three stories, and that sucks, but at least it isn’t something you’ve seen in a Kingdom Hearts game before. While I think the systems in BBS are rough around the edges, later to be better realized in a KH3D or even Kingdom Hearts 3 itself, the character work in that game makes it special. Terra/Ven/Aqua is a story you are AS invested in, if not more so, than the original Sora/Riku/Kairi story. And so it is this very intimate story for fans of the series I think.

That and playing it is just the best. Especially on PS4 where I recently played it. It just feels better with twin stick controls. It’s crazy grind-y if you’re trying to do everything, sure, but all the games are in their own way in that regard.

It’s funny how mechanically KH3D is the best of the handheld attempts at side stories, but it muddles the story the most. It’s a double edged sword, where they kept going until they got it right, and in a way they did irreparable damage to the story along the way because of it.

I really don’t know. I know it’s dumb and little but I’d really love to hit 1000 subscribers on YouTube. Super inspired by the work the OKBeast folks have done with their channel, and basically Mike Burgess has single-handedly turned our YouTube output up a notch. But not just him, he has got Jurge doing video reviews too, and with Scott White’s video talents finally being shown in Book Club, they’re got me inspired to get more work up there again too. It helps especially knowing it’s not just me.

But the big long team goal is outside fo 2018, which is to go to E3 as a team in 2019. That’s the big goal.

Downloading it to my Xbox One now. Hit me up. We’ll play.

That’s the end. That’s it. That’s all she wrote. And by she I mean me, in this case. I’m excited about the future of IP, I’m excited about the stuff we are doing, that I am doing, and while it’s a ton of work and a lot of stress, it’s the stuff I live for. It’s very rewarding hugely in part to the team that is doing it and how we are working together. Stick with us, and I promise we won’t let you down. Please god hopefully, at least.

Do me a favor until then.

keep it real.

[aurimeanswind]

Back Again—Sunday Chats—7/8/18

Welcome Back!

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, and I wanted to open up with a bit of a litany of excuses as to why that is! I know when you’re just on the outside looking in its hard to know exactly why I haven’t been posting these or asking questions, or really anything on Sundays. It’s a combination of things.

First of all, the last two Sundays I have not been home to write up Sunday Chats. Three weeks ago I was in Cuba! Well, technically I was at Key West, the day before I’d go to Cuba, on a cruise ship. Most importantly, the only internet access I had was through the data on my cell phone, and so I couldn’t really post Sunday Chats. In theory, I could solicit questions via my phone, I could write it up offline, and then go on and post it when I’d get home the following Wednesday, but I really didn’t want to because it was honestly a genuine vacation for me. I wanted to kind of check out and try and not be online so much. Of course, I failed a little bit in this regard, I was checking Twitter ravenously any time I had an internet connection, because I have a problem. For the most part, when I was off on my cruise with my mom and my brothers three weeks ago, I was without an internet connection, and it was a little nice, but also a little stressful.

The week before that, it was E3! We were living in the Microsoft/Bethesda press conferences! I was going to write something that day but honestly between the post shows and just consuming E3 I honestly did not have time. I’ve done like, reaction write ups in the past, but I was a bit more down to live in the moment this go around.

Then I was in San Francisco! It was the day after Kinda Funny Prom, which was lovely, we’ll get to that in a bit, but that Sunday I was seeing a movie with Barrett Courtney, my sweet boy, and was just exhausted after KFP and everything then. I had stayed up way too late the night before talking games and eating pizza. I had a great time, but I was still pretty checked out.

The Sunday between those two, I was completely exhausted. Honestly? I’m still exhausted. The best thing, I think, to alleviate my normal “post-con depression” type thing I get after a Kinda Funny Live event and seeing all my friends is taking another, separate vacation just beforehand. I had barely enough time to stay at home and just sit on my couch and play video games before suddenly being whisked off to San Francisco. So getting home, I am just so happy to be home, to be sleeping in my pitch-black room on my comfy foam mattress. To lay on my couch and play whatever video game I want (which mostly has been Tales of Vesperia... again) and just... relax. Ya know what I mean? I just want to relax. I’m a solitary person. I’ve talked many a-time before on here, but I just love to be alone a lot. And I just want to be alone sometimes, especially after several back-to-back socially exhausting experiences.

And that’s a big part about why I’ve been so crappy about doing Sunday Chats consistently. Even before this last month of vacations I’ve been very touch and go about SC. Now that I have fully transitioned into being a full time employee, I work a lot more than my body is used to, even if I am four months into my new role at my job. It’s a lot for me. And I’m barely keeping up with my IP work of being an editor there. And that’s, I think, more important, because I am making decisions and a team is relying on me for that.

I essentially circle around two days off a week, Wednesday and Sunday, and so I work Thursday-Friday-Saturday, plus I have the podcast on Friday nights. Without getting too into the details, Saturdays at my job take quite a toll. Like, a lot on me, so just making it to Sunday, I’ve genuinely forgotten completely about Sunday Chats because I am sleeping in and resting and just trying to get my bearings. I know it’s not much of an excuse, but I’m hoping to turn Sundays into equally as productive days as they are relaxing. It’s just about finding that balance.

As per usual, my trip to San Francisco was motivational in some ways, so I feel inspired to continue to work harder and do more now that I’m home, and hopefully that can last me until PAX West in a couple months.

But that’s generally where the status of Sunday Chats is. As a big update, while not going into effect quite yet (maybe not even for months) but Sunday Chats will soon transition to be a full feature on IrrationalPassions.com. I think it’s a natural transition and it makes sense. It’ll still be available and accessible to all, but I want to play around with some format ideas I have, and I think it makes sense to be there since it is, predominantly, about video games, as it always kind of was. I want to have these heartfelt chats there, because I think as the “editor-in-chief” of the site, it helps build a rapport with the audience of that site which seems to grow every month.

Now that’s all done, let’s get to the editorial!

My Feelings and Emotions in San Francisco

I like this title because it’s just all about the feels. As many frequent Sunday Chats readers would know, depression is just slowly becoming one and the same with me. Like two amorphous blobs just close enough to each other that they become one. Like slime enemies from Dungeons & Dragons that just jell together on spiritual and self-hatred-like level.

So I’ve been through a rough like... 2018 to be honest. And so being in a place where I was just genuinely surrounded by affection and good vibes was really, really moving for me. I put out a twitter thread about the feeling which I think encapsulates most of what I’d want to say, and you can read that here.

But a big thing is how being in SF has proven to be a huge opportunity for me in the past: a time to “schmooze” as some people say, and talk to people, make connections, market yourself, or just meet as many people as you can and spread “the brand” as much as possible. And honestly, I just wasn’t here for that this year. I’ve gotten to a very, maybe even regressive place in my life, where I’d rather not get out there and try and be at the center of things and meet as many folks as possible. There were certainly several folks I had never met before that I wanted to meet, but for the most part I spent that time focusing on more intimate interactions with specific people.

A lot of this manifested in folks I’ve admired for a great long while, and that’s the fellows at OK Beast. I got to have a real heart to heart with Ian Preschel, someone I just haven’t been as close to for whatever dozen reasons that usually amount to time, and understand him better as a person. I got to have an emotional moment with Moises, someone I admire so goddamn much and for some reason keeps saying I’m the reason he started writing. I got to spitball ideas with Alex Van Aken, my fellow Alex-in-Arms, and share the wonders of running a business Slack with Blessing. They’re people I just genuinely look up to and inspire me legitimately every day, and I’m excited and hopeful to collaborate with them in the future. I have nothing but love for all of them, including Brandon, wherever he is out there.

I got to spend a ton of time with Barrett and Alyssa, my hosts, and Jacob Bryant who was also rooming with me at their place. They’re just family to me. Enough said.

I got to spend a huge chunk of time with Nicole Humphrey and Cameron Abbott, two very special friends to me, and for reasons I’d rather not put on blast here, it was very important to me that this time was worked into my trip, and I’m so glad it was.

Those dense, meaningful interactions are what I live for. It’s literally why I started the show Get Acquainted (new episodes coming soon I promise!) and they were the highlights of the weekend. I won’t list them all here, but suffice to say on a personal level this trip was very important to me, rather than on a “business level” which it has been for me in the past.

Thank you all for being open to wasting your time with me, I’ll be forever grateful.

ONTO GAMES.

What’s On Tap

Hollow Knight

I HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT THIS GAME ON SUNDAY CHATS AT ALL YET AND IT’S INCREDIBLE OMG.

I love this game.

Final game time was 42h and 7m, and all of it was excellent. Well... Not all of it, there were a couple very frustrating bosses. But most of it was excellent.

One of the best Metroidvanias ever made. Symphony of the Night, Super Metroid, Ori and the Blind Forest, Hollow Knight, and Metroid Prime are the best of the genre full stop. It sits proudly in that number.

Don’t think. Play it.

Unless you really don’t like hard games, because it’s very difficult, but crazy rewarding!

Ys VIII

I just got this pretty recently and am only about four or so hours in, and so far it’s just a wonderful delight.

Compared to the demo I played a great many months ago on PS4, the Switch version does take quite the graphical hit, especially if you have a hangup about anti-aliasing. There are a LOT of jaggies to be seen here

BUT, I think performance wise it’s still very solid. Some hitches here and there, but during combat it’s generally smooth, and that’s what’s most important.

Very good. Recommended.

Captain Spirit

Honestly, there is too much to say here. Don’t hesitate, go play this. I do not care if you’re like Jurge Cruz (social media editor at IP) and are dead inside and don’t like Captain Spirit. It’s free. Go play it.

Nuff. Said.

More thoughts coming soon.

Questions

Remember you can tweet me your questions by looking for my tweet with #SundayChats in it on Sunday afternoons, and you can be a part of this write up! Much love to everyone who always shows up (I’m looking at you Brandon Gann! <3)!

Goddammit Tyler you keep asking me wrestling shit and you know I hate wrestling...

Uhh...

What if I just showed up and was Noctis?

Originally posted by ffxvcaps

A great many things! Event wise, I’m very excited about PAX West. Assuming I can still make it, which I should be able to, it’ll be a blast.

Plus there are new shows and new things coming from IP soon that I am just hyped for.

But let’s be honest with each other? Okay? Let’s all be real here?

Motherfucking Tales of Vesperia Definitive Edition.

‘Nuff said.

My favorite Romantic Comedy of All Time just so happens to also be my favorite movie of all time, Silver Linings Playbook.

It is, in my humble opinion, a perfect film. It is the only movie I have watched over 10 times.

It’s very important to me, and while it may seem dumb to many of you, it told me that even fucked up bad people like me can find love in both themselves and others. And I really needed to hear that when that movie found its way to me in 2013.

Good LORD am I the WORST to ask about this. Well, first, Jamie. It was a goddamn pleasure meeting you at prom.

I mean, look at us:

I was very drunk and I’m so sorry.

But on a real level, a few things.

First, I did this horrible thing where I wrote everyday for almost three years straight and that was just a self-made torture and I have to keep myself in shape motivationally speaking or else I’ll have to do that again. And that sounds torturous. But as far as building strong habits I think that did help a lot. I mean, Sunday Chats is a direct by product of that, and I think generally people seem to like SC.

Second, I spend a lot of my brain energy trying not to worry about shit I have zero control over. If I misread a text and think someone hates me for whatever reason, which I do pretty much on a daily basis, I’m either going to text them back and ask, or do nothing, and if I’ve decided to do nothing, then I don’t get to be upset about it. If someone is doing some wack shit, I’m either gonna keep talking to them, or nah. Just do it, and everything else, well there is nothing you can do about it. Usually. But my depressed-adled and crazy-ass garbage brain still spends many an hour worrying about things I have no control over. But I’ll say this, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten better at it. Skill comes with time and age.

Third, I think finding someone on relatively equal footing as you but maybe doing something better or more interesting or just simply different than you can really be motivational. It’s easy to get demotivated by someone else’s success, but words I try and hold onto every goddamn day are “someone else’s success does not equate to your failure”.

I hope that helps!

I have not had a lot this year, unfortunately. Avengers was great? I looooved Ant Man and the Wasp! Adored it. Just saw it yesterday (on Sunday, actually!) and it was phenomenal.

But outside of that I don’t have much. It’s crazy to say that in a year where a new JK Rowling Harry Potter movie is coming out, but Johnny Depp is in that movie and he is fucking human trash and for some reason WB is letting him just waltz around like he hasn’t done horrific things. 

But anyway, I’d very much like to see Fireworks, from the same folks what made Your Name, but the dub wasn’t playing anytime I could see it this past weekend. :(

Maybe if it goes up on streaming soon (which I’m hopeful it will) I can see it.

Outside of that, I got nothing.

As someone who actively dislikes breakfast and most breakfast food, this is tricky for me to answer. I know your whole breakfast fetish Quin, so I won’t shit on you here, but I guess it’d just be a simple bagel (everything bagel. or poppy seed, depending on my mood) or maybe pancakes/waffles.

My thing is waffles/pancakes aren’t breakfast food, they’re anytime food. Or 1am food.

I have traveled a lot yes, but it’s been to a lot of the same places over and over again unfortunately. Not that that’s necessarily bad, but it’s been a lot of SF, Boston, etc, etc. 

Having just gone to Cuba, I finally have a passport! So it’s time.

It’s time Japan. I’m coming to you.

And hopefully Ireland too. But those trips will likely have to wait a bit and be very far from one another.

ISLAND BOY!

Well, that is a nightmare scenario for me, because I’d definitely die very quickly. BUT. If I had to choose.

First up would be Bentley from Sly Cooper, because he is a big needy nerd like me and would want to get the hell out of there ASAP just as much as I do, and he could make like, a series of small helicopters out of coconuts or some shit.

SECONDLY.... Hrmm.... harder choice.

There is a really great joke here about choosing Fi from Skyward Sword because maybe she could just DOUSE our way to a better situation, heaven knows...

But I’m mostly above that.

I’d say Cappy from Mairo Odyssey just because I just looked at my Cappy hat and it’d be fun to just capture turtles and crabs and stuff on the island. Not Bentley, he’d consider that an invasion of privacy.

I don’t know if YOU should get Detroit, but I absolutely love it. I’d say read Logan Wilkinson’s excellent review of the game, available here:

http://irrationalpassions.com/detroit-become-human-review/

He liked one relationship in that game a lot more than I did, but generally we’re on the same page with it. I love the game, and if Heavy Rain did anything for you then I think Detroit is better in just about every way.

I’ll say this: it’s not like 2018 has been BANGERs for me, but after 2017, where two of my new favorite games EVER came out (Breath of the Wild and Persona 5) it’s just so impossible to follow that up. That being said, I’m medium to high excited about MANY games this fall: Spyro, Tomb Raider, Valkyria Chronicles, AC Odyssey, Life is Strange S2, Code Vein, Darksiders 3, and Smash Bros. That’s a whole lot in just three short months to eat up like some yummy yummy candy.

So while I think he first half of 2018 has been pretty great, mostly because of Hollow Knight, but also Ni No Kuni 2, Celeste, Yakuza 6, and Moonlighter, its still been good. It’s been a big one for me to reconnect with my indie darlings. And that’s big for me.

I hope that helps!

Checklist

It’s been a while eh?

Well here are some recs!

“The Short But Chilling ‘Captain Spirit’ Weaponizes Empathy Against You” - Patrick Klepek - Waypoint.

I have barely read this but everything about it jives with me. Another one to check out only after you’ve played Captain Spirit, which I assume all of you are going to do, because it’s free, and because I asked you so nicely to do so.

The Music of Persona 4 Golden - Blessing Adeoye - OKBeast.com

I mean, it’s about arguably the best video game soundtrack of all time, from one of the best music-takers in games, that just so happens to be on my favorite video game of all time. What do you want? Go watch.

OK Beast Podcast Episode 100 - OKBeast.com

I’ve found myself far more into OKBP since they merged OKB and PPR into one show. Here is their 100th episode, where they decided to rank the best 100 video games ever. For some reason.

Like, what if on Ep 400 of IPP we ranked the top 400 video games of all time? Fuck that.

Love those boys.

That’s it. That’s all she wrote. Or rather, that’s all I wrote. Sorry this posted Monday, I hadn’t checked my work schedule for a minute and then I saw at like, 8:30pm I had to open today and that means I have to wake up at 6am and I figured I should be responsible and get a full night’s sleep. Still didn’t fall asleep until about 10:30am, but I wrote some of this last night.

I’m rambling.

I love you all.

Do me a favor though?

Keep it real.

[aurimeanswind]

Your E3 Predictions!—Sunday Chats—6/3/18

I’m very excited about this week’s Sunday Chats because it’s all about E3 predictions! This time next week, we’ll BE INSIDE E3! I’ll have seen Microsoft/EA/and Bethesda’s pressers come the next Sunday Chats, and I’ll be writing about them, probably! I may or may not do a Sunday Chats, but we’ll see!

To catch folks up, this week has been a full-force build up to E3 for me. A new Episode of Get Acquainted posted, with my friend Brandon Gann, who is just an incredibly wonderful and amazing loquacious individual, and we spend two plus hours talking E3! We had a ton of predictions and great conversations around all of them! You should give it a listen!

http://irrationalpassions.com/brandon-gann-e3-predictions-get-acquainted/

On this week’s Irrational Passions Podcast we had my other good friend Logan Moore on to make some E3 BETS! Nabeshin was kind enough to put together 25 amazing bets for us and a ton of lightening round bets on top of that, and it was super fun. You can watch the video version of that WITH bonus content right now, and the fully edited version will post on Tuesday.

So it’s all about E3, but before we get to that, a little personal update.

Personal Update for June

So any one close to me will no that the last week of my life has been exceptionally difficult. Some folks close to me, both physically and emotionally have been making decisions that have been pretty toxic, I can’t lie. It’s led to a pretty unhealthy living situation that I’d rather not get into, and whether things blow over, get worse, I’m not sure. I obviously don’t want to spill any personal juice here, but anyone who has seen me out here tweeting like the dramatic boi I am on the inside about how I need some good vibes, that’s a general overview of the situation, if you were concerned.

I’m thankful for all my close friends out there texting me, checking on me, and making sure I am doing okay, even if I’m not. It is upsetting that this just so happens to coincide with the busiest time of the year in video games, so if this bleeds over into our content over on Irrational Passions I apologize. Sometimes its a bit unavoidable.

Anyway, I appreciate you all taking the time to interact and be a part of my silly Selfie Saturdays or Sunday Chats, it means the world. I’ve been working hard with the team @ Irrational Passions to make some really fun stuff, including a new show that acts as a spiritual successor to our roundtables from 2017 Game of the Year talks.

That’s all we need to dwell on in regards to the bummer business, let’s get to games!

What’s on Tap

Moonlighter

So I just started this tonight and I have to say: right away I just love it.

The idea is you live in a small town that neighbors these ancient ruins that lead to these very dangerous dungeons, and once upon a time travelers and adventurers used to come here to explore those dungeons, and merchants would sell supplies and goodies to gear them up for those journeys. Eventually it grew too dangerous, but you are someone who Moonlights as an adventurer and runs a shop on the front end.

You dive into these dungeons and get awesome treasure and loot and goodies to then sell in your shop to expand your shop, get better weapons and armor, and continue deeper into the dungeons. It’s an amazing idea, and it’s executed on so well.

The game sustains such a great and rewarding loop, and it’s also got tons of charm and amazingly well executed on pixel art.

On top of that the UI is also just very good? It’s super slick and smooth. 

I’m only a couple hours in but I just adore it. Mike Burgess, producer at IP, did a video review on it that I saw the first cut of today and it’s actually what sold me on it. See it soon!

Detroit Become Human

I’ve already said so much about this game I’m exhausted. I love this game.

It has so many issues and in spite of all that, I genuinely adored my time with Detroit.

Our roundtable discussion was about this very game, so look for it soon.

Dark Souls Remastered

This game is still so good. I think I may like it even more than Dark Souls 3, a game I picked up just very briefly a few weeks ago.

I’ve now got the power to fast travel and am just warping around and exploring again. I even dipped my toe into the DLC area which I have never seen before. 

It’s excellent, and seeing it run smooth has been super rewarding for me, a longtime fan of the title.

Your E3 Predictions

Let’s get to it! This week, something I haven’t done in a bit, I asked you for your boldest E3 predictions, and while some of you gave me a good joke, a lot of you came back at me with some great predictions!

Let’s get into it!

Remember to look for my tweet on Sunday afternoons/evenings with #SundayChats in it and respond to it with your reply to be a part of Sunday Chats!

Now listen, I know this was clearly written as a joke Sam, but I think that this announcement is coming, just not here. It’s a PSX announcement, if ANY, because that’s the only place it can be really gernally accepted as an “announcement”. It’d get a big riot of an applause.

I’d love this. I think they have such a “robust” (#branding) library of handheld games that it’d make too much sense to carry them over to their now partially handheld big console.

Will it happen? Well, I mean Nintendo has said no virtual console on Switch. But they’ve changed their mind, even if it has been rare, in the past before. While it could happen down the line, this up coming direct is about 2017, so I don’t think we’ll see it there.

Nah John.

You need to stop.

But... Well

I mean maybe?

MAYBE.

Maybe?

Finally. Some announcements we, as “hardcore gamers” care about.

Some cars

Fuckin.

On stage.

The cars have sex.

And birth a motorcycle.

I love this Peter. I mean, for some reason I guess folks think that Emma Stone will be the female actress pulled into Death Stranding, and I think there will likely be a big female reveal at some point, I don’t know why everyone thinks it’ll be Emma Stone? I bet there is a good reason out there, I just don’t know. I’m not complaining, Emma Stone is great.

I am definitely with you on the “deep dive”, though I don't think there will be a long explanation of things, just a nice gameplay demo. My theory I posited on Get Acquainted was like an 8 minute trailer that leads into about four minutes of gameplay at the end, but it’s just enough cinematic that we’re convinced there will be no gameplay, and then BOOM. There is.

I could see them saying 2019 at the end too, though I doubt they’ll hit it.

YOU DONT BRANDON GOODBYE.

Nah of course. 

We talked about this on our show, obvs, everyone please go listen to it, but NO FINAL FANTASY 7. IT WONT HAPPEN. Square Enix needs to figure that shit out, and so they’ll come back to it when it, and more importantly, THEY’RE ready to.

Here’s hoping for some dope Xbox Avatars.

I mean, it’s gotta be the time, right? I need to know what this Resident Evil 2 Remake looks like. I know the director was out there talking about it not terribly too long ago, and it just feels like ages since we heard about it. With Capcom announcing RE7 and then releasing it 6 months later, on top of Monster Hunter World’s recent success, they are on a great path! Time to continue it!

As for DMC 5 I mean everyone seems convinced it’s coming and I just don’t care.

I love the Rocksteady prediction, because they’ve been cooking that bad boy for a good long while. I hope it’s Superman because I have supreme faith they’ll knock it out of the park. Maybe even an origin story? I’d love to see Rocksteady do one of those.

And I do, also, believe that Shadows Die Twice is Tenchu.

Dishonored getting a reboot I just don’t see happening. I think it’s time Arkane moves onto some new IP. Something that is hopefully a bit more eye-catchy so they get get back into a popular circle, then maybe spend a few years making iterations of that. Maybe in a few years past that they can return to Dunwall and take another crack at Dishonored.

Doom 2 can be wherever the hell it wants and I am HERE for it. But judging by the sounds of things that may not be at this E3, and that’s okay. It makes me sad, but it’s okay.

Man. I fucking wish.

Them or Bioware. I’d love to have just an original story told at Hogwarts where you create your character and go through 7 years at the school and it’s great and it has dialogue wheels and it’s great. Feed me Bioware.

It’d never happen tho.

This would be very cool. I feel like this Star Fox Grand Prix rumor is too big to ignore, but it’s still a little far fetched. I wonder how they’d sell it, if it is real.

Honestly, not that far out there. Kingdom Hearts don’t give a fuck about Red Dead.

Here is my thing, I just don’t think an ARMs character will make it into the Smash roster because no one cares about ARMs and I don’t think they’d be crazy interesting. Who would it be? Twintelle? I mean she is super cool, but who knows!

THey’d make great assist trophies, and I know that’s a slight but I’m sorry.

PUT GENO IN.

Anyway, if they put Banjo and Kazooie in I’d literally start crying right then and there, and it may happen, who knows, but I would. I’d cry.

I think there could be a direct apology. It depends. I think within 15 minutes or so we will know if EA has changed their tone or not. Hell, within 2 minutes we’ll know. If they want to actually be well regarded, they need to start making big moves, and right now, they’re not. Period. Come out and own up to what you’ve done wrong, or GTFO. They need to make up ground on the PR front, even if they’re still making money hand over fist. 

I’m sorry times are tough Silver, but know that I’m sending good vibes your way!

I wonder if Microsoft would make such a bold move. Regardless, it’s a great bold prediction. I hope that they are gonna give it some more time, and let this generation cook a little more. I’m digging my Xbox One X, and them implying a replacement is coming next year or so would bum me out.

Finally. The battle Royale Battle Royale we’ve all been waiting for. 

And as the dust settles, there’s sha’boi Griffin. Standing on top. Winner of them all.

And let’s not front: I’d kill to listen to Donald Glover sing Parappa songs.

Thank you all so much for your predictions! I’ve had a ton out there all week, and the Get Acquainted Episode I think has them out there in the best way. Go check them out! Either way, I’m so excited for E3, not necessarily to see if my predictions came true, but just for the hype of it all and my inevitable editorial after its all said and done about my thoughts and feelings coming out of it.

So. Big Sunday Chats update. I may be making a BIG CHANGE to Sunday Chats in the coming weeks. There is some ironing out I need to figure out personally, but I just wanted to give you faithful readers a little heads up. This could be something that becomes a proper part of IrrationalPassions.com, and for that, I’m very excited. The biggest thing is it may mean I start soliciting questions on Saturday! Stay tuned for my twitter for that.

It wouldn’t be a big change for you all, so don’t stress about it too much, but I wanted to seed it out there.

I love you all and your support, especially in these dark dog days of summer I am in. Thank you for the perpetual good vibes. 

I hope you all are here for the E3 hype, but if not, that’s okay. Regardless, thank you for reading, and

keep it real.

(the Naruto kick not only continues, but never ends.)

[aurimeanswind]

Trying to Relax—Sunday Chats—5/20/18

So, I was writing this, and then the webpage crashed, and I lost about half of the entire post, so to be honest I’m a little frustrated. This didn’t used to happen, but I’m sure Tumblr is just trying to give me an anueurism. I will try to recapture what I was trying to say before, but forgive me if it doesn’t live up.

I’ve missed a few Sundays here, and for that I’m sorry. Instead of doing a so-called “editorial” here, I wanted to start with more a stream of consciousness; something to convey my feelings and maybe help me feel a tad better.

I’ve been in this down-well of motivation as of late, and it spreads out to everything. Not just the want to play games, but to reach out to people, to talk to friends, to be an editor. And it’s caused me to be a worse friend, a worse editor, a worse person, and it weighs on me. I hope by writing it out I can convince myself to step up and do something about it. It’s one of those burnout sensaitons, and maybe its that feeling coming off of PAX East, maybe not, but it’s defintiely felt across all the things I do.

If you’ve ever been through something like this, I’d love to chat about it, so feel free to reach out.

But those motivation sensations have led me to trying to really relax. To really take some time to rebuild that motivation. It’s not the first time something like this has happened in my life, and I’m certain it won’t be the last, but I’m trying to be better, starting with writing this Sunday Chats, even if my browser did crash halfway through and really frustrated me.

Now with all the mopey-business out of the way, let’s get to some video games.

What’s on Tap

I’ve been jumping around a lot, and originally I had some things to say about all of these games, but I’ll keep it a bit shorter here. Suffice to say, I’ve been in a bit of a gaming rut, which I’ve been through before, but it’s been quite a while, and so I haven’t really been able to get into any one game.

Overwatch

The Sword of Ditto

Ni No Kuni 2

Persona 5

Persona 5 is really the only thing I’ve been able to sink some time into, and wanted to.

I needed something meaty to really get into, and this worked. Going back and seeing the opening 10 or so hours again, I’m re-appreciating all the groundwork and foreshadowing they set up very early on in that first arc, outlining some of the villains you’ll see later in the game.

I’m also just really appreciating how gorgeous that game is.

Diablo 3 Necromancer DLC

Also in my rut I continued my quest to restart Diablo 3 as many times as I can and never finish it. While I did finish it oriignally on PC, I never did with any of the DLC or on console.

This time around I returned to Diablo 3 because I needed something mindless while I listen to something with any hope of it making me feel happier or better, like a podcast or what have you. Diablo has been a good background thumb-distrator for this, and it’s reminded me just how mindless it really is.

It’s also a bummer because I wish I could focus on just anything since I’m remembering how great Diablo 3 is. I actually really liked the story in this.

Questions

I’ve actually thought about this a lot all day. 

I think it’d be a thing where, and forgive me for establishing my own head cannon, because I pictured the sky glitched out just for a moment, and a bunch of people went on believing that it wasn't a simulation, and I imagine I'd get way into an underground forum where like, the real heroes are out there trying to stop the simulation. Maybe because it’s been all this Persona 5 I’ve been playing, but I think in that world I’d be the kid that was obsessed with what the people who are out there trying to take down the simulation would be doing. Following on their very own Phan-Site.

I think that’d be a cool story in itself too.

As for if I could leave. I mean probably. I’d understand I’d probably regret it, but I wouldn’t know that at the time, ya know? If it’s a thing where I know what it’s like on the outside, if they’ve come back in and told us, I’d almost definitely stay in the simulation.

Yeah there is one specific tattoo I’d get, which is the Hylian symbol on my back. It’s something I’ve thought about for years, and I know I’d for sure get it. My best friends want to get a tattoo together too, and while I’m not really into the idea that we came up with, I’ve resigned to getting it since it’ll make them happy. 

Outside of that I’d want to get a Harry Potter tattoo of some sort, but I just haven’t thought of a good one. I’ve also thought about maybe an Irrational Passions Tattoo, but that’d be way down the line.

Haha, I don’t think it’s really diminished the show. I mean they talked about in on the Giant Bombcast and the Easy Allies Podcast, but this happens every year. Sometimes it’s a bit of a bummer, since I’d definitely be more jazzed for a Rage 2 if I saw it for the first time during Bethesda’s show, because lord knows I don’t care about it now, but it’s really minor stuff. I think still seeing a new Splinter Cell, or really anything Nintendo has, or the big gameplay reveals, those still outlast any leaks.

Besides. We’re getting the Kingdom Hearts 3 release date. It’s going to happen, And nothing will diminish that moment.

I mean Year five even, of these consoles. I think there is still room to announce surprises in the consoles. Microsoft has it down with different systems or services, they can still announce stuff like that that gets you jazzed. And moreover, Microsoft hasn’t shown us the thing that takes advantage of the Xbox One X yet, and I feel like they have it. It’s not Crackdown 3, it’s gotta be something else, and they’re saving it for when it’s ready.

As for Sony and PlayStation, I think they’re honestly at the end of their rope with me. I know they have games I’m excited about, but they’re just drawing it out, and I have to steel myself to not get excited for their junk since I never know if it’ll ever come out.

Nintendo has all the room left to surprise. I think the Switch has done nothing but surprise so far, from sales, to reception, to games even. I bet they still have things that’ll give us child-like glee, whether it be on a service level or a game level, yet to announce.

Thank you all for always checking in and supporting me. Next week I want to do a Sunday Chats for E3 predictions, so I’ll be asking for those next week. 

Thanks for reading, being my unending support, and the good vibes you all send ever-so-often. All my love, keep it real.

(The Naruto gif is for me, since I’ve been so damn into it lately)

[aurimeanswind]

Back to It—Sunday Chats—4/29/18

Let’s get to it, eh?

What’s on Tap

God of War! Finished!

No spoilers, but I have now finished God of War. I’ve almost done everything in it too!

This game is excellent. Well crafted and well made in almost every degree. 

That all being said, I don’t think this game passes over the cusp into a Masterpiece. I don’t think it does any one thing masterfully, even if it does a great many things excellently. There is no self-discovery moment like I’ve had with the games I’ve labeled masterpieces over the last few years, which are few (Breath of the Wild, Journey, Persona 4, and The Last of Us).

I think there is a lot of missed potential between Kratos and his Son, and there are many moments that unfortunately fall flat, struggling to reach the heights of the very early moments.

This all being said, the packaging, the wrapping, and the moment to moment gameplay is very well polished, fun, and highly enjoyable. 

More thoughts coming in my review, but it’s safe to say I really liked God of War.

Questions

Remember you can always respond to my #SundayChats tweets on Sundays to have me answer your questions here. Thank you for them. As always, they’re excellent, like all of you. Far better than I deserve.

That game is excellent, brilliant, funny, well crafted, and a joy to play.

Why is it so good? Well it’s very much an iterative sequel. It takes the exact formula from Paper Mario on the N64 and does it again, bigger, better, and more badass in every way. They had time to work out those kinks before, and while Thousand Year Door doesn’t go far beyond what that first game did, it does it so well that it’s excellent.

Man I wish I was good about E3 predictions. I think it’s one of those things where I listen to so many E3 predictions podcasts, and of course the Easy Allies betting Special. that I just lose any originality in my E3 predictions. Brandon, you and I should sit down and do a one-on-one E3 predictions podcast. That’d be fun! 

But yes I’ve been thinking about the show. Me and the writing team have been trading ideas on what to do and how we’d wanna cover it from our respective homes.

I really want to see Ghosts of Tsushima, I think, that’s the big one. Coming off of God of War, the other close-to-the-chest Sony exclusive revealed at an E3, which, while disappointing based on the hype, didn’t disappoint in regards to that initial reveal and promise. I hope Tsushima does the same, especially since SuckerPunch is one of my favorite developers.

Well, first I’d ask twice to make sure you’re sure you want to give me that much money.

Assuming you still said yes on the third time, I’d take it, since I’m the type to not turn down a gift. From there, there are a couple options. I may use it to pay my rent for a year, help me save money, or pay off my debt/close friends and family’s debt, to whatever degree I can. 

I may split it in half and put 5000 into a savings bond or invest it into sure-fire investments to make a profit. Or maybe I’d donate it all to charity. 

I’d try not to waste it all right away.

But I might build a dope studio/gaming PC, who knows.

We’d probably be from some Final Fantasy BS like Twilight Town and we’d all have tons and tons of Zippers on our clothes. But we’d all be on the good side, maybe even Keyblade wielders. Except for Tony. That motherfucker is definitely some vessel for Xehanort.

This is a very good question. The hardest part is the one word...

I’d go back in time to me, from 7 years ago, and I’d tell me to “forgive”.

None of the above. Ugh. Dean is such a jelly-belly goodie two-shows and Jess is a wannabe-bad-guy. I haven’t met Logan in my viewing of the show (Gilmore Girls, for those confused) but I bet he sucks too. No one will be good enough for Rory.

Haha! It’s never to early to be hyped for a PAX East.

And It would be excellent. And I’d put 1000 more deaths into that version, FOR SURE. It’ll happen too, I’m confident. I think it’s just a matter of timing.

I don’t think there is a “best house”. I think all of them bring out a balance. I don’t think Ravenclaw is the best house, and that’s the one I’d consider myself a part of. I think Hogwarts is the best place, because it should foster feelings of camaraderie and also heathy and friendly competition. 

If it doesn’t, like it didn’t for many folks, then you have assuredly missed the goddamn point.

Damn this is good. 

Captain America - Masterchief! It kind of makes too much sense, and I think it fits his personality too.

Iron Man - Nathan Drake. Maybe Samus.

Thor - Donkey Kong

Hulk - Maybe War from Darksiders? Or Kratos?

Black Widow - Lara Croft

Hawkeye - Aloy

Also very good.

Same rules:

Captain America - Brian Nabeshin Jackson. 10000%

Iron Man - Scott Guthier

Thor - Nato Johnston, for being my incredible hunk of man 100% of the time. Miss that dude.

Hulk - Jarrett Green. Maybe Tony Horvath.

Black Widow - Ally Mushka

Hawkeye - My friend Ethan, who isn’t on the internet, but I think it’d Bev very funny to cast him in this. Maybe Jacob Bryant too, just because he loves Green Arrow so much.

Thank you all. So much. Fo all things always.

Stay strong.

Keep it real. <3

[aurimeanswind]

Let’s Make Up—Sunday Chats—4/22/18

So last week I had a Sunday Chats all written and done, and while writing the last two closing paragraphs, my web browser crashed and Tumblr, being the platform with apparently no fail safes at all, completely lost all of what I wrote. I was initially going to just rewrite it the next day or the following Wednesday (my next day off) but then life happened and to be perfectly honest I had what we call in the biz a godawful week, so it didn’t happen. I apologize, I took your questions and selfishly coveted my answers when you had taken your time to submit them, and I am very sorry for that.

To make up for it, this week I am answering all of last week’s questions IN ADDITION to the few I got for this week, so hopefully it’ll be jam packed. Luckily I didn’t have a big editorial thought-piece ready for last week, so for this week...

The 10 out of 10

So I’ve been playing God of War, as I’m sure many of you readers have been, and I’m delighted by it in so many wonderful ways. But I think the reviews definitely set an expectation that is really impossible to meet. I’m not treading new ground here, I think that’s safe to say (as is usually the case with my writing) but it’s just the thought I’ve had the most playing God of War.

I think you get this idea that it’s a series of incredibly brilliant moments that tie together beautifully, and while I think much of that is true, a lot of what you do in God of War is run around and fight dudes. As great as that is, I’ve only had maybe two big moments in my ten or so hours with it. But the quality of what I’ve seen so far just gets me excited to see what moments I have coming up, especially since at this point, I really have absolutely no idea what the hell is going to happen next.

What i think gets understated in such a masterful score is just the sheer volume of production value poured into every inch of a game. I think that’s something that’s hard to convey across an entire review, let alone just a score, but boy, there is just a ton of polish and excellence throughout the game, from the small animations, to how Kratos always grabs a cliff’s face and doesn’t clip through it.

It’s really excellently made, and I hope everyone out there is enjoying it as much as I am.

What’s on Tap

So I finished Kingdom Hearts 1

I re-beat this game again, finally going and doing all the additional content, like synthesis, extra bosses, grinding to level 100, etc.

I dunno... I think Kingdom Hearts is great but its “post-game” content is really underwhelming. I think none of the bosses are truly “special” in a way that they are in Kingdom Hearts 2. They don’t have these strategies seared into my mind, at least.

That being said, the design philosophy in KH1 versus its sequel is so completely different and fascinating. It’s far more Metroidvania in its intent to have you backtrack and re-explore already searched areas. It feels almost like it’s from a completely different franchise.

Like... There is ZERO platforming at all in Kingdom Hearts 2. Like, none. I can’t think of a section where you have to jump from a thing to a thing, except maybe the extra dungeon they added in the Final Mix version.

It makes me hopeful that maybe they’ll revisit some of these ideas in Kingdom Hearts 3 but eh. I doubt it.

Kingdom Hearts 2 on Critical

I started this and it’s about as frustrating as I anticipated. It’s not terrible or world ending, as its essentially just Proud mode difficulty with half your total health.

But I’m about to fight Xaldin in my playthrough so basically it’s all downhill from here.

God of War

So yes, I’ve been playing God of War. It is indeed, a video game.

I mean it’s really great. I talked about it a lot on last night’s podcast if you want some more detailed thoughts. But here are some standouts:

The combat is labored in a way that makes it so much more intense and significant. Of all the things that remind me of The Last of Us, it’s this aspect. It’s the intensity of each hit, the feeling of desperation in every slam and slash, and the violence that goes with it feels justified in the God of War universe where it absolutely never has before.

I get a ton of Darksiders vibes from this game, specifically Darksiders 2. The way it introduces side areas, side dungeons, side puzzles, and especially chests, reminds me a ton of how Darksiders approached formulaic Zelda ideas. It works very well here.

The Axe is, of course, excellent. But I’d say it isn’t the throw of the axe that works, it’s calling it back.

The ambient dialogue between your characters feels pulled straight out of a Naughty Dog game, and it feels so derivative of that that it makes me like it a bit less that I’d personally want to. It just feels almost exactly the same, just with different characters, and so far, outside of Kratos and how “deals” it dialogue, there isn’t enough separating it.

Overall very good. I will eventually be writing a review for IrrationalPassions.com. Look for it someday.

Questions

Remember to look for my tweet with the hashtag #SundayChats every Sunday afternoon, reply to it with your question, and boom. That’s how the magic happens.

Last week’s questions:

Ya know last week I’d have a different answer but I’ll revisit that later. In short: stuff is happening. I’m trying to live my life. Trying to do good. Failing a lot, but I’ll keep trying.

I’ve been crazy busy too. I feel like this is the year I am trying to teach myself different and new things, whether they be on a technical level, or maybe software, or something else along those lines.

Thank you for the kind words. As for the future, I think there is another question asking a bit of something like this, but it’s trying to stay busy and trying to make bigger and better moves. Like, E3 I think is out of the question, but PAX West isn’t, and aiming for something like that is really exciting and it gives us a lot of new options and opportunities. Plus, we’ve been trying to have actual meetings on the reg about what we’re doing and what ideas we have.

A big one that Scott White has been spearheading you’ll probably know more about by the end of this month, and there are some new shows and new styles of pieces I think we are all trying to do. As for me, I just want to get better with video stuff, with supporting the team, and with GA, as that’s my main new project.

I like milk. I drink milk, by itself, or in chocolate form, pretty regularly. I’ve been at a restaurant with friends and asked for a glass of milk and everyone laughed at me. I’ve since never done that.

Milk is good.

I mean the biggest one was assuredly The Messenger, which is like, my #1 most anticipated. But I was lucky that my team got to go out there and see stuff and present it to me with cool thoughts and perspectives on all of them. Like, Solo sounds super cool and I want to see more of it, and City of Brass wasn’t on my radar at all but seems really cool. Mike convinced me to see Omensight and that’s just a really rad new entry from a team I didn’t think had it in them.

I mean, I don’t even really know who Kid Rock is. I mean I know of him, but eh. I’ve never heard his music before a day in my life. I hear he is like, not good? Like, not a good person, not necessarily a bad musician. But I don’t want to assume. Is this libel? Am I getting black balled out of the industry right now?

Also you look hella cute Roger. So proud of you.

It absolutely was not. A big thing was I was planning on getting a 4K TV, and since I had the Xbox One X I was happy with just that and then the HDR that my original PS4 could reach. But there was a good deal and if I was already investing so much I wanted to get the most out of my TV. So I swear to god if a PS5 comes out next fall I’ll be pissed.

Brian. Nabeshin. Jackson. So I can know what it feels like to be the nicest dude in the world and also a great uncle.

It’s really sad. But also nice since I can be alone again. But also sad.

A bit of a mixed bag.

Pretty much anything in Final Fantasy 15 looks amazing and delicious. But that Beef Bowl in Persona 4... Man, I’ve had dreams about that Beef Bowl.

This week’s questions:

Shoutout to Brandon Gann, who is in ALL WEEK’S questions for Sunday Chats.

Yes, God of War is great. I think I got into it pretty well above, but yes, I really enjoy it. The combat, above all else, just feels so great. It reminds me a TON of DmC Devil May Cry in that it is training me well and I feel really good at it. Plus the way the weapons work kind of reminds me of that kind of combat too.

It absolutely has to be the SNES. I think I’ve lost countless hours to that system, and it’s something that, as a gift for me, I had my parents go and buy of eBay waaay past its time so as I could sit down and revisit all these classic games. Something I’m still incredibly appreciative of to this day.

But A Link to the Past and Super Metroid are just so formulative of my current taste in games and the things I seek out the most in video games (see: adventure and backtracking) and that was the console I sank the most time into without a doubt. I think GameBoy is totally a great choice, I didn’t have my own until I got a GameBoy color, but the GBA was the one I fell in love with the most, and I wouldn’t really get deep into that until much later.

Hey like, real talk everyone? Hey? Everyone bring it down, it’s real talk time?

Like, I’m doing suuuuper not good. Like actively very bad, and it’s just a whole lot going on. Last week is like, top three, top four worst weeks ever for me, and I had to make a whole bunch of adult decisions that, while I was prepared for them, I wasn’t happy about anything, and everything seemed to just make the situation more miserable. On top of that, I just feel like I’ve been really shitty and a shitty friend to basically all the people in my life that matter the most, and on top of that I have a lot of stress from work and money and blah.

Like, in the grand scheme of things, I’m doing okay, I’ll be okay, but I feel bad, it all feels bad, and it’s pretty shitty. Like, I know this probably wasn’t the answer expected, but it’s definitely the truth.

I’ll do better next time.

In my defense, it’s what I was doing up until I started writing this, and, while I do need to go do the dishes before I get back into God of War because lord knows no one else will, I’ll be continuing my adventure in Midgard until I pass out tonight.

I mean I feel really good about it, so long as everyone involved feels good. Like we’ve certainly hit a lot more readers and have broadened our audience in a way we’ve never been capable of before, and we have opportunities now that we’ve never had before, and I feel really good about that. I’m not super into the numbers, but I am into opportunity, ability to cover games pre-release, go to events, things like that.

As for the end of the year, I feel like, or at least I hope, there is a bit more cross pollination as far as skill, like more folks will be able to support Social, and more folks will be able to do video, or host shows, or whatever that may be. But I want that to all happen within comfort: like Social is Jurge’s thing, and if he doesn’t want to share that because of his ownership of it, I get that, I respect that, and I’m all about that. People gotta have their territory of expertise, and since I’ve been jack-of-all-trading it alone this whole time, I’m all about doing that for myself.

Even though I kind of already have and that’s editing.

The Ninja Samurai from Ghosts of Tsushima (upcoming, I know) and Sly Cooper, because I’m all about creating the greatest Ninja clan this side of the land of the rising sun.

That’s all I got for this week. Thank you all for your patience and understanding. I’ll do better next time. I will try and continue to do these more consistently. I love you all, thank you for reading and supporting and listening and being great.

Until next time, keep it real.

[aurimeanswind]

PAXamania—Monday Chats—4/9/18

Jeeze, I can’t believe it’s been almost a month since my last chatting-check-in. I figured my lost time needed to be made up somewhere, so let’s talk about PAX, it’s Monday Chats.

The Team. The Dream.

I don’t know if I’ve been more appreciative for five people in my life, but Quinten Hoffman, Logan Wilkinson, Mike Burgess, Jurge Cruz, and Jarrett Green are all here. And I love them all dearly. And I got to spend an amazing weekend working and covering PAX East 2018 with them. 

We set out as the biggest team to head to a PAX East ever, since 2014 when myself, Greg Blaney, Jacob Bryant, Aneudys Tejada, and Zack Rupp went together. The “Old Writing Team” as they were often known, plus Greg, minus Jarrett at the event, was really a masterclass in itself, but the new blood this year made for something truly special. We made appointments, walked the floor, and played some goddamn video games.

It wasn’t all perfect, as it was Quin and Mike and Jurge’s first PAX, so Jurge may have gotten lost in Boston, Quin may have been hesitant to explore the floor, and Mike did great tbh, I don’t know what else to tell you, but we all grew and learned a lot about the event. Even me. I like being the guy in charge, and helping people through their appointments, their press kits, their coverage. It was a huge growth experience for me, and I learned so much from my team.

Pas that, I think if you look at IrrationalPassions.com right now you’ll see some of the best coverage and content we have ever produced, and I’m so proud of it. From Mike’s video previews, to Quin’s first ever previews, to my very own Messenger Preview, which is one of my favorite pieces of writing I’ve penned in the last year.

I’m so proud of what we did there, and I also had a jolly and great time. I got to walk the floor a lot more, as the pressure to write about stuff was relieved by all the help I had, and I got to just see games folks recommended to me. I played a ton of games, and I can’t even write about all of them here. It was just a great experience, and as exhausting as the four-day show was (the first four day PAX East and my first four day PAX ever), I got to see and do just about everything I wanted to.

Here are the games I played (assuming I didn’t forget anything)

Dark Souls Remastered on Switch

Code Vein

Detroit Become Human

Below

Tunic

The Messenger

Windscape

City of Brass

Ashen

Pixel Ripped 1989

Guacamelee 2

Rend (Hands off)

ANNE

Overland

Shovel Knight King of Cards

And probably more stuff I’m forgetting...

Probably the most games I’ve ever played at a PAX East and I get to write about a lot of them. I just had so much fun, and while I didn’t really get to meet up with a lot of folks and hangout with a ton of people, the ones I did get to see were amazing and sweet and honestly I don’t think I could have spent my time better.

Thank you to everyone who came and saw me. Thank you to everyone who said anything nice at all to me. Thank you to everyone who read any of our content from PAX, which will continue all through this week, or anyone who watched/listened to either of the podcasts we recorded there. Thank you to anyone who has supported IP in any way over the last few years, and helped us get here, to where we can cover this event so thoroughly and well.

Thank you to everyone, for just even giving me the time of day. Lord knows I don’t deserve it, but I aspire to.

I’m working on more previews, the audio version of the podcast will be up tomorrow, and more things are coming to IP soon. Get Acquainted episode 2 is happening in the next couple of weeks. This is only the start. Stay tuned, and as always.

keep it real.

[aurimeanswind]

New Show, New Deal—Sunday Chats—3/11/18

Something-something-Amber is the Color of Our Energy.

It’s been a long week. Let’s chat.

Work/Life/Balance

Now that I have officially started my first full time job (a day job, separate from all the other things I do, don’t worry) it’s been a lesson in living this last week. A hard lesson. I have a lot to learn as far as work/life balance is concerned, but not only that, games, media, friends, and all that lies between.

It’s odd, because I think my momentum is building, right? It always feels like that when we lead up to a big event, for me, PAX East. For those who dont’ know, PAX East is my E3, as someone who has never been to E3. I plan private dinners, meetings, interviews, get to see a ton of people, and it’s the only event I annual get to spend time in as press, and it’s an opportunity I don’t take lightly. I wouldn’t know the people I do or be in the position I am now without PAX East.

So that’s a level of good, notable stress on the shoulders, on top of working a ton, and being exhausted, and my continuous inability to sleep. It’s all a mess, but it’s an exciting time, like I said, momentum building. It’s the most careful I can be about an update in my life. Laying in my bed Friday night I legitimately considered ending the podcast, shutting down IrrationalPassions.com, and calling it a day. Hang up my keyboard and quit on a dream that seems ever-more impossible to achieve.

I didn’t. But that gives you an idea of the stress and fear I live with everyday, haha. I don’t say this to scare you, reader, I give you this to let you know it’s all around. You and I, if you fall in this camp, both have been there. And for now I persevere, and I hope you do too.

I have so much exciting work to do, regardless. 

Tomorrow, at 9am Eastern Daylight Time, Get Acquainted launches into the world with it’s first episode.

I’m terrified, obviously. But excited too! Go subscribe on iTunes (and now Google Play too!) and that way it’ll push to your device automatically when it launches tomorrow morning.

It’s a bit rough, I have a lot to learn and grow, but my first guest was amazing and a great sport. 

Now, onto the business...

What’s On Tap

Final Fantasy XV Royal Edition

I talked about this on the podcast last night but for 15 dollars its a cool expansion wrapped up here.

Basically all of the second half of Chapter 14 has completely changed, creating a new dungeon, tons of new bosses, and adding a bunch of new cutscenes. 

It gives some new closure with some other characters, and is a really enjoyable new part of that game. It’s cool post-post game content, and they added Omega Weapon! Any Weapon-based bosses are my jam, so that got me excited.

Overwatch

Long story short, I got back into Overwatch, and that game is still great.

All the changes to Mercy have made me a worse Mercy player and that bums me out.

Yakuza 6

So much to say about this game. Check back with me on Friday for my full thoughts.

I’m having a very enjoyable time, in short.

Questions

If you want to ask me a question (for whatever reason) and be a part of Sunday Chats, look for my tweet every (or most every) Sunday afternoons with the hashtag #SundayChats in it. Respond with your question, and then we get busy. That’s it!

Well, I mean this question itself goes some places. But It’s hard to think of the best question I’ve ever been asked. I feel like I don’t casually get asked a lot of questions, it’s always in a formal interview setting or Sunday Chats, which is in itself formal in its own right, and those kind of more invasive or off hand or casual questions can tend to be the most memorable or the “best”.

But my friend Jono asked me very good question at the end of his interview with me, he asked me “what would you do if you knew you could not fail”. 

Currently, I think my answer would be the same. Go listen to Episode 44 of Puttin’ in Work for that full answer, and that very good conversation too. 

Honestly, and I know this is silly, but Pirates of the Caribbean. I feel like there was so much potential there. I’d love to see the two Davy Jones movies explored in that space! And that part of that game was lauded for its graphics and what it did. So I’d love to see them go back and really stylize the hell out of it.

But like, let’s be real just give me Frozen.

It seems like they are focusing on new worlds in Kingdom Hearts 3, which they should, and obviously Olympus needs to come back, but they’re actually doing the story of that Disney movie now, finally, so I’m down regardless. Fighting off the Titans attacking Mount Olympus is really cool.

I really don’t know. I’m definitely down for that game and I’m looking forward to playing it, but I’m really worried about how long I am gonna play it, who I’ll have to play it with (outside of you Nato, of course) and what I’ll have to do in that game. 

So I’m looking forward to discovery what there is to do and see in that world. And honestly finally sitting down with a crew of four to play that game with.

Honestly, I don’t have one. I just looked up music albums fro 1993, and really nothing stands out to me. Obviously some artists do, but I barely listen to music before the year 2000.

Because I’m a lame millennial.

Sorry guys.

A very long list, obviously.

Honestly like, the thing I look forward to the most is the work. I love it. It’s a place i get to go and work and live my dream. For real. I get to meet developers, do interviews, write previews, network, party. It’s been even better since I’ve been taking a team there. 

Past that, just seeing friends and meeting people I admire. Like, Greg Miller is a good friend, honestly, but I barely get to see him every year, so that’s always a bit thing. My writing team? Same thing, they’re all really close friends who I talk to all the time, and I barely get to see them in a year. Not that that bothers me too much because I barely leave my house as is, but it’s still something I look forward to.

I really hope they figure out FF15 on Switch, I think that’d be dope. Even if it ends up being Pocket Edition. If it isn't? Probably not.

But Noctis in Smash Bros?

God willing.

Please.

Lord.

Two months, tops.

But Gus would have to enjoy the company of another living cat ever in his life even once for that to happen.

Hrm. 

An existential question and I don’t get many on Sunday Chats. 

I’d say at least 50%. I refuse to believe more than half of the 7 billion people are inherently “bad”. I’m not so ignorant to say that there is no “evil” or “bad” people. I think it manifests itself in subtle ways that just slowly corrupt your character. I’d say 70-80%, which I know is a bit margin. A margin of 700 million people, to be exact. But I think the trouble is the people who in some way aren’t good are more easily going to step on the folks that are. Because inherently the people who are good would rather give them the benefit of the doubt. And then they acrew power, and they play games like politics because it strokes that ego, that desire to rule, and then the folk farming, taking out garbage, and cleaning homes are the truly good people, happily filling in the gaps of our world, and the assholes are running the hotels, owning the companies, and, in our case, running our country. 

Some people would call it a food chain, others bullshit. I’d just say the good people of the world do trust each other, and they work together, and that’s something the shitty ones just don’t do I don’t think. Not really.

I know that all sounds super fantastical, but it’s my childish analogy that holds my worldview together. So, say what you will.

I’ll say this: I’d rather give someone the benefit of the doubt, a second change, and be wrong about them every single time then not give them that chance once and be wrong to do so. 

Doesn’t mean I can’t burn bridges. Doesn’t mean I don’t learn from my mistakes. Lord knows I hope I do, but everyone deserves at least one second chance.

Except our current president.

Fuck that guy.

Dude Jimmy Johns is a notional chain. Just because they aren’t in San Diego doesn’t mean they don’t exist!

It’s fine. It’s a decent sandwich shop, all cold cuts, that’s very fast, and pretty reasonably priced. 

Plus you can get their bread for 25c a loaf for day old, 50c for same day. It’s dope.

You’re Pole Dancing my man. I’m sure there are some good first-time tip videos on YouTube though!

Tomorrow. 9am. Give it a listen.

Oh and please go buy a shirt to Irrational Passions OTHER awesome new podcast called Input!

It’s our first IP Shirt in a long time!

https://teespring.com/official-input-tee#pid=369&cid=6565&sid=front

It supports our other new show and it’s awesome. I don’t try and sell things often, IP is still 100% free and so is Input, and buying this show directly supports the creators of Input. I’d appreciate you a ton of you bought it. 

That’s all I’ve got.

Thank you, as always, for reading. Always.

Do me a favor. Play some games. Keep enjoying what you have in life. And keep it real.

[aurimeanswind]

Get Acquainted—Sunday Chats—3/4/18

So I will be talking about this a lot over the next few days, but I have a brand new podcast that I want you all to check out.

Get Acquainted, with Alex O’Neill

My new show is called Get Acquainted, and it’s a one on one interview show. And I know. I get it. Everyone has one nowadays, but I’ve been working on this for a while, and I’m really excited about the conversations I’m going to have on it.

First and foremost, you can go subscribe to this show right now. It’s on iTunes and everyone, with just a little preview episode available to get you subscribed and ready for my first episode, next week.

You also get to hear the amazing music made just for this show by my friend Micah E. Wood, who you can go listen to more of his music on iTunes and Spotify as well! 

iTunes Link

If you can rate or review this while it’s just launching, that would be immensely helpful. My first guest is Andrea Rene and her episode will be releasing next week. This is going to be a monthly show with different guests on each podcast, and the format will evolve and change over time. 

I’m really excited to finally launch this show, and I hope you all like it!

Honestly that’s the big news I wanted to get out, so let’s go right to questions.

You can send your questions @ me when you see my tweet on Sunday afternoons with the hashtag #SundayChats in it!

I mean the big one is Grand Theft Auto. I’ve played 2, 4, and 5, and I think all of them are like, fine. This infatuation with GTA V is so beyond me. I hate to sound so stuck up, but it’s a series I’ve just never had much patience for. There is supreme quality and technical design there, but none of the entries have stuck with me. That being said, all of the more seminal ones (Vice City, San Andreas, and GTA 3) I haven’t played, so I could be missing a lot of the core of that series. 

I’ve also, and this is me just really thinking about it for a moment, but I’ve never really loved the Battlefield series? By which I mostly mean the “modern” Battlefield games. I loved the original, 1942 was the first FPS I ever played, and it is super special to me. I enjoyed 1943, but most of all I adored Bad Company 2. I like the original, but BC2 is where it’s at. But Battlefield 3/4 and most recently 1, all haven’t really done much for me .I’ve bounced off of all of them, but the idea of another WW2 Battlefield game, which is rumored to be this year’s, actually has me excited. If they can get 1942 vibes again.

I mean Max Scoville once gave me pogs out of his pockets. But I dunno, they’re just bits of cardboard really, right?

So porgs. I liked the porgs. As someone who didn’t love everything about The Last Jedi, I liked porgs a whole lot.

Absolutely. There are multiple pieces that I’ve gone back to and completely rewritten. In fact most of them still aren’t published because I’d probably rewrite most of them again if given the chance. Hell I’ve written something on Persona 4 Golden about six times.

Which I think is similar to the situation you’re in, right? As Night in the Woods is your favorite game Steven, I feel you when I channel that to write about mine, Persona 4. 

But a project that’s special to you should take time. Sometimes the ideas come and go and you feel good about them, but you don’t want to rush something you feel you only have one crack at. Get Acquainted is a show I have had rummaging around for two full years, and I’m finally in a place where I feel I can do it. So take your time.

This is tricky. It’s different for different things. I mean if it was numbers and clicks and views, i’d have quit this gig a long time ago haha. I think projects where I can see my own personal growth in them, like the run of five episodes for the latest Alex Talks. I can see the change from the first to the last as far as editing ability and my hosting capability. So I take that as a success. 

Plus a lot of people had very kind things to say about that series, and that makes me feel really good. 

I think it’s a combination of all of the above. Ultimately if you’re really proud of a thing and think it’s genuinely cool, even if no one sees or hears it, it’s a quality thing you made. Then, when you’re applying for jobs and trying to show the work you’ve made, you can send them a link to whatever that thing is, and you know exactly the right people have seen and appreciated it. If it’s worth sharing it’ll get its use in its own ways, in my experience.

I mean, I think in a perfect world that is what Patreon was for. But then it blew up, and why wouldn’t it, since it’s such a strong idea and works so well for creators. But I feel like also those huge creators make it harder for those smaller ones to thrive on that service. Like the notion that has been going around a lot: is Patreon just a small pool of contributors or is it still brining new people to its service? I don’t know, but it seems like there isn’t enough love to go around.

I want smaller creators to be able to thrive on Patreon, and hopefully they find their audiences grow on that service.

Pretty stoked. New show launching, PAX East is going to be huge for us, and I’m reviewing Yakuza 6.

Get ready.

I’ve been seeing them! Folks can check them out here:

I’d probably take Anna Kendrick, because she seems like she’d be down, and I’m in love with her.

Oh god yes. Feed me your Kingdom Hearts questions.

My favorite world is tricky, but it may be something like The Land of Dragons from KH2. But honestly so many playthroughs later of KH2 I don’t love any of it’s worlds really, save for The World That Never Was. KH1 had really good, big worlds with tons of exploration, but the platforming was so all over the place in that game that getting around them was a bit nightmarish.

Haha I guess I am just jaded on KH worlds after playing through them so much. Space Paranoids.

I don’t love many of the Disney key blades, but I love the Ultima Weapon in KH2, it looks excellent, and I’ve always been a huge fan of Oathkeeper. I love it’s look and what i represents. Of course if you were to ask any of my KH brethren, it’d be Oblivion, hands down, and I like that one quite a bit.

Honestly, Chain of Memories has one of the absolute best stories in that entire franchise. I wish you didn’t have to get through a really poor card game to get to it.

But I love the story of KH2 the most. Especially the ending. Birth by Sleep is a close third of those two though. 

World Specific I love the Peter Pan one from KH1, and I really like Hunchback of Notre Dame in KH3D.

I like order of release over chronological order. Honestly I don’t know why it’s such a big argument. I think feeling those games evolve is just such a treat, all the way from the first to 0.2, it’s such a great feeling of how those games changed.

Plus, some things are supposed to be told out of order? Stories have prequels come out in the middle to freshen things for a later context. I always think of Metal Gear Solid 3. Enriches that story so much, but you should play that game first. 

Anyway. Yes I need yours. See tweets for details.

I’m really excited about this new show, and I know this may seem like a bit of an unceremonious announcement, but I’ve been stressing about this for so long I just need to get it out there.

Go subscribe to Get Acquainted, and tune in next week for the first official episode!

Cheers! Keep it real!

[aurimeanswind]

Monday Chats?—Sunday Chats—2/25/18

So I know this is going up a bit late. I’m sorry about that, I had a ton of stuff to do today, and I am now just starting writing this at 2:20am Eastern Time. So bear with me. It’s been a busy two weeks leading into this Sunday Chats! I got promoted at work, which is great, am starting my first full time job ever, which is terrifying, but I’ll be making more money, and also I’m getting geared up for PAX and a ton of awesome new content. PLUS I just recorded the first episode of my brand new show launching in TWO WEEKS today, and it went very well (I think). 

I don’t really want to spend too much time on the editorial aspects, because that’s really the update you all needed. Things are going well, I’m slowly working off my anti-depressants (my last dose is tomorrow) and while I’d say I still have a big sweep of ups and downs as far as moods, it’s nice to be off medication for the first time in eight months and things are generally looking pretty okay. Does that mean I’m never sad or lonely and feel fulfilled in all things? Hell no, that’s not how that works, but generally I don’t feel right complaining about how bad days are when generally things are going pretty alright.

What’s On Tap

Final Fantasy XV

I finally finished my re-playthrough of FF15 on Xbox One with all the enhanced visuals. I think this may be one of my favorite games of all time?

I say that with the question because it’s still not above FF7, and I have a tendency on any written lists of my favorite games to only include my favorite of that franchise or sub-franchise, so as there aren’t 20 Zelda games and three Persona games, but y’all know what I mean. I adore this game.

Save for tonight, where I lost about two and a half hours of progress, specifically the incredibly arduous platforming dungeon, pretty much indicating I won’t ever play that game again, I had a great time with it.

Seeing all the DLC stories was really good too, and it makes me like those characters even more. if they continue to put more content in this game, I will continue to show up for it. I’m excited for the additions of the Royal Edition coming next month, and I would want to see what they do past that, with apparently four more stories along the way past that.

The ending of that game is incredible.

Majora’s Mask 3D

On a whim I’ve gone back to Zelda Majora’s Mask on 3DS, and it’s great because the Game Grumps are playing the original version on their channel now too, so I get to have that side-by-side comparison of the differences.

It’s also odd because I still know the original version of that game so well, having played through it maybe five or so times, and only seeing the 3D version the one time when it came out, it is once again startling to re-experience the changes for myself.

The game is still excellent, and up until the release of Breath of the Wild, was my favorite 3D Zelda game. 

The easier nature of the 3DS version does take away a lot of the edge of that game that made it really special to me before though, I will say.

Shadow of the Colossus 2018

I’ve only finished the first five colossi of the title, since I am trying to savor it, but this game is excellent. I love it. It’s still one of my favorite games of all time, and it holds up incredibly well, especially in this remake.

I mean godDAMN does this game look good.

Questions

As always look for my tweet on Sunday afternoons with #SundayChats in it and respond to it with your question. It means you get to asynchronously chat with me and be a part of the fun!

Dude I don’t fucking know. I’d sit there and explain the story of Kingdom Hearts to the person until they died or something.

Call it the Lexicon of Virginity. I dunno.

Very excited. Very stressed. I mean I don’t want people reaching out and trying to take some of the load off of me, because I should be stressed for it, it’s a lot to prep for, but it’s not like I’m drowning or something. I can handle it.

We talked about it a bit on our editorial meeting tonight, but with the show starting on Thursday now, there are a lot of unknown factors that I haven’t had to deal with before, and that’s pretty stressful. But I am still excited about the opportunity of having an extra day to deal with things, meet people, be on the show floor, and talk with folks. 

But it’s going to be a great time. We are going to be putting out an excellent amount of content.

I mean this is a stupid question. But like. I’m here for it. We out here.

If I’m a duck, I suck, for all intents and purposes, but I can spread my wings and fly gloriously into the sky. Chill with my other sucky-duck brethren and siterren. If I’m a horse I am one of god’s most beautiful and wondrous creations of all time and space and existence and can gallop majestically through all things, time, and space. But then I may have to deal with people trying to ride me and that sounds pretty fucking terrible.

But like also, people hunt and shoot and eat duck? Like, here, in our home, ya know? But people don’t typically do that to horses in the US. Maybe if I was a Chinese horse it’d be different, because you know some motherfuckers tryna eat my majestic ass then. But everyone everywhere is trying to eat duck. Super tender. You ever have duck fat fries? Fucking delicious.

Anyway, I’d probably be a horse. And I’d kill enough people that either they’d have to shoot me and put me down or they’d stay the fuck away from me and stop trying to ride me like the horrible monsters they are. One of the two. They’d probably kill me. Call me the man-slayer or something.

I mean it’s pretty grim but this is just the world we live in. I’m afraid of heights. Flying sounds cool but then I’d have to hangout with other ducks. That DOESN’T sound cool. At all.

Hrm, I mean where do you WANT to go? I think staying along a vertical or horizontal line makes a good amount of sense for a road trip. Like up through the west or east coast. Hit all the major cities and spots. Or go across like, the grand canyon to Atlanta or something. Maybe go through all major cities around North East US, because that sounds like a lot of room for fun and shenanigans. Maybe go to Mexico or Canada. I know Logan already did the Canada trip, but he said he liked it a lot, so it’d be fun to share that with him.

Then there’s always the Gilmore Girls root: backpacking through Europe. That sounds awesome.

It’s a good question. Me and my two best friends go out to dinner every Monday night. It’s the best, and just sitting down and having a drink and a meal with them over good conversation. I just like talking to people. I like taking out the distractions, the phones, the TV, everything, and just sharing the conversation with someone. That’s maybe my most favorite thing. Or sharing watching or experiencing something for the first time with someone together. That is actually way more intimate for me. 

My friends do this insufferable thing for me, and that’s anytime when we’re at home or something they just put something on the TV in the background and just talk over it and ignore it and it’s the most insufferable thing in the world to me. Like, why is there something on? Either we’re watching it or not? Why are you talking to me?! This is SO DISTRACTING. I want to die every time it happens haha. And none of my at-home friends really play video games, or board games, so don’t usually do that. Sometimes we’ll play Cards Against Humanity or drinking games, but that’s really it.

I’d go to Japan, first stop. Hit me with the Sushi and Ramen. Like, that’s honestly the dream. And most of the places I want to go involve food. I think food is one of the most exciting things about traveling, because food is such a tangible piece of culture. The way it’s made, the spices and flavoring, the way a meal you know and are familiar with is assembled somewhere else being indicative of that place’s culture. Outside of that, a ton of places in the US, like Chicago, for the Pizza. 

More exotic places? I’m not sure. Germany for sure, i know there is a ton I’d love to eat there, but Japan is absolutely 100% the top of that list.

I don’t think I have ever played a Burnout game? I know, I’m a constant disappointment (especially to myself!) but I don’t think I’ve ever really touched the franchise. I’ve never really played most driving sims though. I think the only Need for Speed game I’ve played was about an hour of Hot Pursuit on the 360. So I am pretty inept to it all. I know a lot of people like Burnout Paradise though!

I think it’s a fad of an idea, and will likely pass with nothing actual happening. I think this whole “violent games” thing is just this absurd scapegoat syndrome shit that is absurd. Like, the Walking Dead is on cable TV, accessible to just about everyone, and I see/have seen more violent carnage in that game than half the games I played last year. It’s absurd. The accessibility of games versus other mediums of violence is absolutely incomparable. The idea that games are getting picked on over those other things, when idiotic parents are the ones enabling children access to those instances of violence is completely not to blame on the games themselves. 

In short, it’ll pass. Micro-transactions though? That shit better be on the watch. Folk are coming for that behavior. 

I’d have to play FF10 for it to have any real emotional resonance with me.

Sorry Silver.

Also I miss you. Been following your tweets. Hope things are going well. <3

Oh boy. I’m a lightweight, so hopefully not too many! I’m excited to hangout for sure though!

Boy. I don’t know if I know any “fan-theories” off the top of my head. I know I had seen some on who The Master from the KH Key movie in 2.8 was. I can’t remember them off the top of my head now. 

But I don’t even know where to begin. I have no clue what’s going to happen, but I’m hella excited to see it. 

I did a quick search to see some theories out there, and one I like a lot is Xehanort is Riku’s father. That’d be hella fucked up, but I’d love to see that ultimate confrontation. 

Another on top of that is that the Master of Masters’ heart is what was hidden in that box, and that maybe he has passed his essence on down to Xehanort. I know the Master of Masters has to play into the final game in some way, and I’m curious to see how that is.

Let me tell you about this amazing invention: MAPS.

I used to be so good with maps. I think I am still, to some extent, but when I’d play video games with my mom she’d always put me in charge of the maps. I’d have a really strong sense of direction and where we were, and that translates in life for me too. Sometimes in cities I find myself getting lost more, but I very rarely find myself lost in general because of this. 

So yeah, they’d rely on weirdos with useless knacks like me, or use maps. I think.

Oh this is a good one, because it’s been a lot lately.

Dj-Jo just put out an album of Zelda remixes that is super good. It’s called The Legend of Jo 2017 and I highly recommend it.

I’ve been getting into Kendrick Lamar lately, and with that I’ve been listening to DAMN and the Black Panther soundtrack a ton.

I also recently listened to all of EP by Childish Gambino.

Stop trying to make For Honor happen Nato. 

It’s not gonna happen.

That being said, I still love you.

The Checklist

Opinion: In Defense of Luke Skywalker - Paul Verhoeven - IGN - http://www.ign.com/articles/2018/02/23/opinion-in-defense-of-luke-skywalker

Bloodborne is a Celebration of Fear - Moises Taveras - OKBeast - https://www.okbeast.com/amp/2018/02/08/bloodborne-celebration-fear/?__twitter_impression=true

I am trying to read more because god knows I haven’t been and never have been, but here are two great pieces that stuck out to me over the last week.

Whew, it’s like, almost 4 am and I have work at 9:30am so I am gonna close this chats up. Thank you for reading, and I hope you’re excited for the stuff I’m working on. I’m working really hard to make something worth spending time digging into, and I hope people like it.

If not? I mean, I won’t be surprised, but like, that’s okay. I’ll make something different then!

Keep it real.

[aurimeanswind]

Your New Year Creations—Sunday Chats—2/11/18

So i took last week off of Sunday Chats because I was working on a ton of stuff, but I am pretty much caught up on editing things right now. Kind of. I have a few things I need to get to, but we’ll see how things go.

Before we get into the main attraction of today’s Sunday Chats, I want to say that the new folks (and myself, I’d like to hope) have been working so hard to get cool stuff on IrrationalPassions.com. You all should go check it out!

Anyway.

2018 Creations

So i asked on Twitter this week, and it was about wanting to make stuff in 2018. I didn’t phrase it well, because I think creating is more than just “CONTENT CREATION” but creating a new hobby for yourself, or writing in a journal, or drawing everyday, or creating new friendships. I think there are a ton of things you can aspire to “make for yourself” in the new year, and I wanted to do my pseudo new years resolution the second month into the year to help keep that momentum going. You can start a new years resolution any time IMO. My writing started whimsily on the end of a January, and restarted in a March. So keep that in mind!

Anyway, in short I want to make a ton of cool stuff this year, and I wanted to help spread that want, that encouragement, and keep paying it forward. Since I’ve taken pretty much a month off from writing, it’s been time off from creating too. And Now that i’ve “gotten back in the game” I’ve been doing totally new stuff. I’ve been teaching myself how to make stuff in Adobe After Effects, which is crazy intimidating but super fun too. It’s been a whole new skill I’ve been creating and refining, and I’m pretty proud of the animations and creations I’ve made in there. You can see some of them in that Monster Hunter World Video Review that our new producer Mike put together!

So Let’s see what you all have been making! Or plan to make, along with my totally unsolicited comments and advice! Yay!

Ahh yes. I don’t say that tin a patronizing way, but because like, I’ve kind of been there recently myself. I think I am just really good at distracting myself with little things, like learning After Effects right now.

But I guess the only unsolicited thoughts I could provide would be just lean into whatever you’re digging doing right now. Like, if you’re just getting really into cooking, then do stuff about cooking. I think West Wingin’ It is a really cool thing and really topical in its political nature too. 

Lean into whatever makes you happy. That’s what I think my new show does for me, and I’m really excited about it.

Oh shit! That’s big news! And I love that too, because it changes things so much. I remember when Joe came onto IP is when we really hit our stride I think. The first 12 episodes are more solid than they have any right to be, but the wildcard nature that comes after that is just so fun.

I’m excited for you guys! You seem to really have a solid grasp on tabletop stuff, and I want too see that grow.

Oh a daunting and exciting path. I think that’s pretty fun though. I remember Wordpress was the first web platform I ever learned, and then getting kind of familiar with SquareSpace and now Wix is a big one too. Good luck! Just lean into that stuff that makes that voice interesting and unique, that’s my only totally unsolicited advice.

And I’m still curious to see this night in the woods piece.

These are all super interesting ideas!

I think streaming is always going to be an uphill battle, especially when it’s not PUBG, Dota, or League. It’s just so monopolized on Twitch right now. But it’s cool to see things like Dragon Ball FighterZ and Monster Hunter getting a new audience there too.

This book idea sounds awesome though, I’m totally into it. Let me know if you need an editor. Obviously as much as time allows, but I’d love to have eyes on.

Editing is tricky. IP is, I’d say, often late, but we have a strict schedule and things keep moving even without it. And the archived version of the show makes it at least accessible if necessary.

Now this is a fucking goal I can get behind. I’ve not played all of them, let’s see, I’ve played... nine of them, wow. That’s actually more than I thought it’d be. But I’ve not played the original. Legendia, right? Like, I’m on a computer and could totally look it up. And here we are.

Maybe I should finally play Tales of Hearts R and make it a nice round 10. Berseria is fucking good though. Maybe I’ll just play Tales of Vesperia again this year.

TRIAL OF TALES.

This sounds pretty reminiscent of a show I may or may not be working on.

Either way, It’s gonna be dope. Good luck! 2018 may be the year of new podcasts for me, so I support it all around.

The best way to start writing (in my experience, as a crazy human) is to just do it! So go for it! Yes!

That’s cool. And shoutout to anyone getting the handle for just “A Gaming Blog” that’s pretty good. Very much like “That Video Game Podcast” a great show that all should check out.

Keep writing and even if you mess up here and there don’t let yourself fall off. See where that journey takes you.

Good luck to all involved! I’m way into it and I am excited for all of you!

What’s on Tap:

I’ve been playing a lot of stuff lately, so I’ll just keep it narrowed to the few things that I REALLY wanna talk about, like usual.

Monster Hunter World

I broke. Got this. Too much FOMO maybe.

It’s pretty good. See the latest podcast for details

Shadow of the Colossus 2018

Boy. I just adore this game.

I think this remake has definitely brought out the haters, and I get it. I think just like Journey with myself, I understand how this game maybe doesn’t play or speak to other folk as it does for me.

That’s fine, but just because this game doesn’t hit the notes for you doesn’t mean the folks that it does hit for are wrong, it just means your different.

Again, it feels ridiculous to have to reiterate this, but I just want to put it out there again, as always. Keep your criticisms respectful and whatnot.

Maybe one part of why this game works for me so well is because of how endlessly lonely it is. Like, it’s so isolating and depressingly barren of other human/living contact save for these beasts.

I just love that. It’s so illustrative of where I was when I first played that game and harkens to times of my life that really bring out tons of intimate feelings.

It’s beautiful. Like, both figuratively and literally. This remake looks SO GOOD.

Anyway I love this game.

Bloodborne

My lovely friend Justin Graffius was visiting Maryland to hangout with me this weekend, and we played a TON of Bloodborne!

He’s never played it, but has had it forever. After playing Nioh, he wanted to give it another shot, but didn’t want to go it alone, so we’ve been playing the whole game coop.

Boy that game is excellent.

Still not the best looking game of 2015. That was Ori and the Blind Forest. But APPARENTLY I’m wrong. <_<

Anyway, old wounds aside, that game is excellent and is three years old this month and it’s still totally worth playing if you haven’t.

Questions

Well, I wasn’t taking them this week, but this is important:

And Brandon did not want to PLAY WITH ME and said he doesn’t want to make ANYTHING this year which I doubt. Like, a really good PB&J qualifies.

Anyway.

I FUCKING LOVE KINGDOM HEARTS YALL I GOT SO EMOTIONAL THIS SATURDAY WHEN SHIT DROPPED OMG.

The slow, piano-driven new theme song for KH3 is so my jam I can’t even begin to describe to you all fuck. It’s so me. It’s my theme. EMOTIONS.

Monsters Inc we kind of knew about, since it had leaked. As soon as I saw those leaks, I thought “boy they better do doors” and then BAM. In this trailer: they did doors. It’s like, one of the best parts about the Monsters Inc movie and I feel like it’d be such a cool environment to explore.

It’s also like, getting me so excited for the worlds that’ll be in that game. I’m thinking they’ll be all new worlds save for Olympus because they had yet to do the actual plot of Hercules, what with the titans and all, and now that they have the horsepower, it makes sense to do so. But like, for sure Frozen will be in this game. Like, it has to be right? And Tangled, seeing that for the first time finally was so cool. And it seems like every world has two companions in it for sure. That’s rad. 

Oh and all the story hints.

Riku - uh, Broken Keyblade? What’s going on? He’s leaving it for who? Replicant Riku? Terra? What does that mean?? And boy does he look good in the new digs.

Got me actually excited to probably play as him in that game. 

Also ya boy Vanitas is back, and that’s great. That means his music is gonna be back and you’ll get to fight him as Sora and it’ll be doooooope. And he is hangry for that piece of Ventus with Sora and that’s gonna be an amazing dynamic. Especially just seeing Sora recognize him and not know why in that trailer is so exciting. Vanitas is just what could be what wakes Ventus up. And the reaction Sora is gonna have when he see Vanitas’s face is gonna be sooooo good. 

And Marluxia is back. Got some theories with that. V. exciting.

Anyway I reaaaaally love Kingdom Hearts. 

That’s the show! That’s all he wrote! That’s the game! Go hunt monsters, hangout with friends, make stuff, have a happy valentines day, and 

keep 

it 

real.

[aurimeanswind]

I’m More of a Winter—Sunday Chats—1/28/18

Oddly enough, I find myself more “happy” or more at home and comfortable through the winter. It’s my favorite season, yet this one seems to not provide the same boons to excitement as the previous have. There is far less joy to be found, and that kind of sucks.

But we move on with the show.

Talking About The Week I Had

I’ve come to both hate and somewhat enjoy talking about having terrible weeks and rough times. I always, in my heart, feel I am begging for attention. And there must be some honesty in that, right? But I also feel this sense of responsibility and obligation to my internet presence that I need to keep sending those thoughts and feelings out there, and that maybe I’ll feel better when I do. And I usually do. There is always a warm and loving outcry of support when I do, and it always warms my heart, without fail.

But I dunno. It’s hard. I have really bad days and I put myself in a dark place, and while I love the honesty, I don’t want to share that because it’s both personal and it looks like I am begging for good vibes to be sent. Obviously this is all counteracted by me openly expressing my frustrations here (or so my brain hopes) but it’s a difficult side to every coin. The one that’s aware of the more selfish-seeming repercussions of crying out for help, and that just so wishes to be like, not bad on your own. 

I think with my depression and fits of morbid thoughts and feelings of wanting to hurt myself, that’s always the fall back. I just want to be good without having to ask for help. The idea of, “well why can’t I just be alright on my own? Why does this have to be a thing where I have to have me picked up off the ground by my wonderful companions who’d graciously do so, but I can’t just “be” on my own?” When i say I express frustration in sharing my feelings of being depressed, I think it helps to empathize from that angle:

I’m not frustrated because I don’t want to ask for help, I’m frustrated because I was never given the opportunity to not need it.

Does that make sense?

God I hope so. In short I had a bad spell of self-hatred style depression this week, and this is me just airing it out those feelings. If it doesn’t make sense, ah don’t worry about it, but if you saw me struggling this week, that’s your bit of context.

What’s On Tap

Predominantly I’ve been playing one thing this week, and that’s been going back through The Witcher 3. That’s a great goddamn video game.

The Witcher 3

There is just something about Yennefer that... goddamn. She is just like a magnet for me. I definitely feel to her what Geralt does. It’s an attraction that goes beyond appearance. She isn’t like, the best person? either? But I just adore her. She fits the mold of a partner in so many respects, and peeling back the layers of her character are excellent.

I got to Skellige and boy that is just the best part of that game hands down.

The snow, the wintery peaks, the people of Skellige, it’s just so much better than anything you see in Velen or Novigrad I think. Not to say either of those chapters are bad, they’re excellent, but I think it just shows that Skellige is that much more interesting of an area. I think that, to some extent, derives from the fact that Velen and Novigrad are neighboring areas, and so their culture is very similar. It gets me even more excited to see Touissant, the place added in Blood and Wine, because that is also a totally separate part of that world.

Celeste

I’ve managed to put a few hours into Celeste now, where when we recorded the podcast I had only put about a half hour into it.

I worry that maybe my expectations for this game were set too high, especially with folks continually telling me how impactful it’s emotional aspects are. I’m trying to keep my expectations in check, but I will say so far the game has done some pretty interesting things.

On the gameplay level, it has the tightness of something like Towerfall, applied to very Super Meat Boy reminiscent platforming levels that are short, consumable, and challenging. It kind of reminds me that I’m not really in the mood for something that is just outwardly so challenging right now though. Like, it makes you frustrated and you’re supposed to derive enjoyment from the victory, but the levels are very long and frustrating at times, and I’m not getting the same satisfaction I got from something like Cuphead. 

That, mixed with the really interesting story bits makes me kind of just want to get to the next story beat above everything else. The constant dying and repeating of the same challenges impedes that.

Maybe most of my frustration is that each “chapter” bases itself around a different mechanic, and a lot of those have been more just annoying than anything else. One was these platforms that you can move by pressing against them while holding them, which worked, but another was ground or wall that you can’t retread once you’ve touched it once or you die, and that was just zero fun.

There is a very interesting scene where you have to calm yourself from a panic attack, and it’s very evocative, so maybe there is something too Celeste, but right now I’m more mixed than I’d like to be. Overall it definitely plays well, I’m just unsure of if I am buying everything there.

Questions

Like always, look for my tweets on Sundays with the hashtag #SundayChats in it, respond with your question, and be in the chats! Let’s do this!

I like that Ubisoft essentially did this by putting Mario in XCOM last year.

But like, what if Princess Peach was a leader in Civilization 6?

How good would that be?!

Have Mushroom Kingdom units?! Build Peach’s Castle as a World Wonder?! Having to import mushrooms from other city states to appease our great lord and savior Princess Peach?! PEACH getting NUKED by GHANDI?!

Anyway.

I feel like I can’t think of any mind bending ones, or ones that haven’t been done before, save for the Princess Peach one. Like, I’d love to see an strategy game with the Tales characters, and that already exists. I’d love to see a third person action game with Final Fantasy characters, and that kind of exists, and that’s also kind of happening with the FF7 Remake. I’d love to see Vincent from Catherine as a character in a Persona game with all adults, but that feels like a cop out. 

Link playing Baseball? in MLB the show? 

I’ll think on it and if I come up with anything good I’ll tweet it at you.

I don’t know that series sounds like its for weebs.

Nah I’m kidding, I’m glad everyone seems to be having fun with Monster Hunter World. I definitely have a bit of FOMO, but after that beta I really doubt I’d have fun with it.

Nabeshin would go Insect Glaive. Scott would get the biggest and weightiest sword. Tony you’d get whatever you’d get. You said you were trying the Bow on the latest show, so maybe that? And I’d be the cat and I’d be chilling on an inflatable tube.

Hands for feet. Duh.

I’d get like, those toe-shoes, which would basically be gloves, and then go on my merry, tree-swinging way. Like, I’d finally have my dream of being able to have four hands. Ugh. Feet for hand sounds awful because you’d still have “arms” so its not like you’d be able to four-footed run. 

Garbage.

I have no clue what this is.

*Does a quick google*

So Like, I am only loosely familiar with Big Brother, and I hate reality TV (I know Jazz, I’m sorry) but this seems like, totally boring! No big names at all. The entertainment weekly article I read showing the contestants for this upcoming one were recognized by their recent “Dancing with the Stars” placements, and that’s just fucking depressing.

But yeah, I like the idea of celebrities that don’t know they hate each other slowly learning that they do, in fact, hate each other all for your viewing pleasure, sure, if you’re into that sort of thing. But at least throw like, Liam Neeson in there to choke somebody or something.

Oh man there is so much I’d love to see Rocksteady do. They’ve definitely become a favorite developer of mine, even if i have a tenuous love-hate relationship with Batman Arkham Knight. 

I mean they are almost definitely working on something Batman. I feel like we don’t end this year without knowing exactly what they are making, or without it releasing. I think Justice League/Batman Beyond would be cool, but I just worry that they aren’t going that route.

I want them to break away from Batman. I think they’ve earned enough clout to do their own thing, and that’d be the thing I’m most excited about, but it may ultimately just be another Arkham game.

I’d probably kill myself right away tbh.

I know that’s a little morbid haha, but I’m definitely not making it. I have really bad asthma, so assuming we are getting “infected” “running” zombies I am boned. I’ve also never fired a gun before, nor do I really have any interest in doing so. I’m also a pacifist and hate the idea of hurting other living things, dead or not. I’d also not want to be a hindrance to me loved ones who are stronger than me and can live on. And boy it’d be a fucking bummer to just watch humans kill humans over food and water and guns and stuff. I just don’t want to been that world (which is kind of our world, I know, yes).

And knowing my luck I’d be patient zero, so there’s also that.

First, I want to say:

fuck Captain Jack Sparrow.

That being said.

I want Sly Cooper’s ancestor who was also a Pirate, Henriette Cooper.

Hell, I’d probably just want Sly Cooper too.

And maybe Captain Kidd, but like, cool Lady Captain Kidd from AC Black Flag.

And Nato Johnston, who is real.

Jurge Cruz is into some deep web shit with his crypto-mining operation.

It’s messed up.

And very impressive.

That’s a really good question. I want to say yes, because I think that’d be cool, but I don’t know of any Arc System Works game that’s made it big there. There probably (definitely) is one? But I just don’t know it. Maybe Guilty Gear. 

I’d say no because I think the way the controls work in FighterZ is just too simplified. I don’t know what the skill threshold for that game is, but who knows, maybe it’s possible. God wouldn’t that be rad?

This is a tough question. I saw this and I think, at least partially, thats what my opening thoughts bit was about. I don’t really think there is, and I don’t think that is such a bad thing, right?

Like that doesn’t make you any less of a friend, and this goes for everyone to anyone they know with mental illness. If you’re there, supportive, and send the good vibes and are understanding of their issues, you're doing it right. I think it’s people that just lack empathy or say “why aren’t you just happy?” that are the ones super fucking up.

I’d say just empathize with the fact that sometimes all you can do is send support, and that’s totally enough. So don’t sweat it.

Christ.

Joel’s Ears from The Last of Us because apparently that mother fucker can just hear through walls. 

And maybe.... uhhh... The lady from The Sexy Brutale who can hear codes being typed in on keypads from the room over? That’s lit.

Goddamn my arms would just be horrifying tendrils though. Imagine if this combined with my feet that are hands and I’m just a four-eared two-handed monster crawling around listening with my big stalk-ears?!

God help us for this image will never leave my brain.

Ah so you play the Wraith eh?? Well that’s good to know. Time to get my STRATS ready. Of course you’d play the most broken monster though.

And probably never but I’m keeping the dream going.

Evolve was good you guys.

9.0/10, Irrational Passions.

I REVIEWED IT.

http://irrationalpassions.com/evolve-review/

That’s it! That’s the show and the whole kitten-caboodle. 

It’s been a long week but keep things on the up and up. We’re about to move into February and I’m about to launch a cool new show and IP is working on some cool stuff to look forward to. So get hype!

oh and please keep it on the real.

(this gif of Danny laughing on Table Flip just miraculously popped up on my gif search and it’s a gift to you, me, and the GG gods, so enjoy)

[aurimeanswind]

Let’s Get Down to Business (’To Defeat the Huns’)—Sunday Chats—1/21/18

It’s time to get back to work! Or, er, writing. All writing and no games makes Alex a dull boy.

Uh...

God, sorry, how do i do this again? Oh yeah. Opinions. And stuff.

Okay.

Deep breaths.

Post Game of the Year

I think the GOTY season is both great and not great. It’s easy to get upset with the “hot takes” and there are a lot of folks that use the opportunity to tell you exactly why your favorite game shouldn’t be game of the year, but then, I don’t see a lot of folks just enjoying their 10 or whatever favorite games of 20-whatever. What I set out to do on our Irrational Passions Podcast Game of the Year Deliberations, Five Days, Four Hosts, Three Mistakes, Two Fights, One Winner, Podcast Spectacular™ was highlight the moments I liked and enjoyed and veer more off of what I disliked. I think there is plenty of room for that discourse, and I’m not saying I am a shill who just loves everything, but there is just so much drowning negativity out there. And hey, I know I’m on Twitter too much, and that fuckin’ place runs rampant with it, that’s my own fault, but I’d rather be a well-thought opinion as to why I like something rather than the guy that hates Wolfenstein, or Nier, or whatever. It’s part of why I love being “The Persona Guy” so much, because people know I love it, and they come to me to talk about how much they love it or don’t with me. I love that.

So anyway, long and short, I think GOTY went really well for IP. We actually had an editorial meeting about all of the content and what we liked/didn’t like/could do better next time, and it was really productive. I’m a big fan of the stuff that happened, especially how we handled guests this year, and I’m curious to see that grow in the future.

If you missed it, the front page of IrrationalPassions.com is going to be highlighting our Game of the Year 2017 content for the next week or so, so go check it out!

What I’ve Been Working On

Since I have been in GOTY I haven’t been doing Sunday Chats or much else, but I am settling back into work, and am maybe expanding my day-job-work over there in my personal life. We’ll see how that goes, and how much time that removes from games for me (hopefully not too much!), but that’s all hypothetical right now. 

I am excited to say I am launching a new project next month. It’s a new show and as I’ve been thinking about all my pieces of content, IPP, Alex Talks, Case Study, and now this new show, it’s been a weird concept of what do I want to lean on, what do I want to continue, et cetera. In a perfect world I can do them all together, but I know that’s just not possible. I’m looking at monthly content and what I can do around that, but we’ll see. I want to do everything! I want to make stuff that will get me hired into video games! But I want to make sure I’m doing stuff that I love doing, and at the center of all of that is having deep and meaningful conversations, whether it’s long, thought-out essays conveyed in audio, written, or video form that engage you and I in a conversation, or an actual, recorded conversation. 

So that’s what’s up. Without giving anything away, stuff is in the pipeline, and I’m hopeful that people will take notice, and you all, my loyal readers, will dig it.

What’s on Tap

VIDEO GAMES.

I’ve been playing a lot, so I am going to go back and highlight just some gems I want to talk about from the last three weeks.

The Witcher 3

So I rebought Witcher 3 to see all of its glory on my Xbox One X. Boy, that’s a motherfucking video game.

For point of reference, I just got to Novigrad and have been starting the strings of quests there, which is kind of my least favorite part of that game (chasing Dandelion around, specifically) so hopefully I stay with it.

It’s really cool to appreciate this games innovations on another level after seeing stuff like Assassin’s Creed Origins and Breath of the Wild.

I’ve actually been switching between this and Breath of the Wild, and while I still think BotW is the far more interesting world and game that I like spending time in, I was surprised at how comfortable that switch (aha! Puns!) is. The games are very different and both good in their own ways, and really scratch two different itches. 

I will say, AC Origins is definitely the game that came closest to The Witcher 3 as far as formatting its side quest content, but it still didn’t get close enough.

Okami HD

I’ve now replayed this game basically to completion. I would have finished it again too, as I’m just before the final boss, if a week after release they hadn’t gone and synced the trophies in the PS4 re-release to the PS3 one, in which I already have the platinum. So I’m no longer earning anything on the PS4 version, which is a bummer.

Still an excellent game. It’s really odd playing a game where you’re actually a four-legged creature just running around doing dog-stuff. It’s cool, and it’s something I haven’t seen a lot of 3D games do, or at least do well.

Stardew Valley - Switch Edition

I put about 78 hours into my Stardew Valley town on PS4, and now, 60+ hours into my Switch town, I’m definitely sick with the small-town-fever.

I really love this game, and it scratches my “I wanna live in a small town” dream-itch in just such a righteous way. I love it.

I didn’t expect to take to it so hard on Switch, but there is something about cuddling up with this game in bed and losing myself to it that is just so intoxicating.

Questions

As always, look for my tweet on Sunday afternoons with the hashtag #SundayChats in it, reply with your question, OR ANSWER, depending on what I’m feeling that day, and be a part of the Sunday Chats shenanigans!

Now I’m more curious about this snake research you were doing...?

Hrm, now this is a great alt-universe theory. I’m going to assume that it’d be in place of Cedric, so it’d be Harry and a Slytherin as the champions, which does throw a lot into question. 

I think it would have. In a few ways. One, we have to assume it’d be a 7th year Slytherin, so in short, someone we don’t know. It’d be a great opportunity to characterize someone, who, say, isn’t a dick, like Malfoy, who is kind of our avatar or stand in for Slytherin characters. It’d be great to see that character and Harry develop a not-antagonistic relationship. Like, I think Harry would have still told this person about the Dragons, because that’s still just the kind of person Harry is, and I think we would have seen less shit from the Ravenclaw/Hufflepuffs to Harry because of the assumed distaste for a Slytherin champion. I don’t think it would have effected the fight between Harry and Ron though.

Where it becomes super interesting is, assuming they are a good or normal or upstanding person, do they still tell Harry how to get into the egg? Knowing that Mad-Eye was the one who told Cedric, I say yes, since they themselves didn’t get that information on their own, much like Harry with the Dragons, and I believe strongly in the pay-it-forward mentality. 

The other big question is: would they have died? If they don’t, that wildly changes the rest of the books. Harry’s PTSD in the fifth book would be, still severe, but different. What would happen to them? Would they have escaped with Harry? Would that bond make them unbreakable friends? I’d imagine so. Or after a year of tension and not talking, they’d bury the hatchet, and then the repercussions for that are massive, in that I think Harry would lead a bond between all Slytherins and Gryffindors.

Goddamn. This may be too good a question to answer in a simple Sunday Chats, but yeah, in short, I think the repercussions would have been very different.

YES!

Great video game.

I’ll say this, you get essentially experiences for feeding the animals out and about in the world. DO THIS. It’s not too expensive and and will totally be worth it in the long run.

Also, get as MANY demon fangs as you can. AS MANY. You get them from using your slash ability on enemies who are flying into the air after they hit zero hp. They’ll drop a demon fang, which is a type of currency you can use much later in the game, and having a big stockpile will do you a ton of good.

Outside of that, have fun! Talk to everyone! It’s like a Zelda game, so tons of people have problems or off side quests you can initiate by talking to them. You can get the platinum pretty easily in one play through, so if you’re curious about that, hit me up.

Haha, well, how about Kinda Funny Prom? I can see it hit you with the eh vibes too. Though I’m very bummed you won’t be able to make it. I’ll be sending you good vibes from there, okay?

Oh, and I am sending you selfies. Hella selfies.

But yes, I was very, hrm, I guess, unsettled, for lack of a better word. It’s like getting invited to a costume party, where I just want to hang out with my friends. Now there is all this pressure and requirements and this feeling that you’re going to be shown-up. Plus, I don’t really clean up well, so like, I know I’ll feel super self-conscious the whole time, but that’s just me I suppose. 

Then again, it’s another thing of well, I know when I’m there, and I’m in it, I’ll have a great time, but that’s a pretty big hump to get over, and I hate that I feel like I’m being forced into it, because, well, I am. 

I suppose, if nothing else, I’ll just go for the weekend and then not go to KF Prom itself, but I haven’t decided yet. We’ll see. 

Here is another, relevant example though, hearing about how things were being handled in the Harry Potter movies, starting with the third. No Marauders? Oh okay. Cool. Trash. Adios. Again, very much a me thing, but this is such a good question and I can’t think of a great example. I’m sure it’s out there, if I think of it I’ll let you know.

Listen, I love Tom Hanks as much as the next guy. He was in a Carly Rae Jepsen video, he, by all accounts, its a super cool dude, and I wanna hang out with him. 

But Tom Hardy is a mountain of a man. 

That man looks capable of actual murder. Not to say he would, he also seems like a lovely chap, but in a fist fight?

Nah.

Hardy, all the way.

Lol you’re great Nato, but also SO MUCH BOOTY AND OR TREASURE.

I talked about it a bit earlier, but I think the Guest Roundtables is a huge stand out. Those worked really well, felt good to do, and were a good reflection on a handful of cool games from the last year.

The criticism that Jarrett lodged that I sort of agree with is that there was just too much content. He said how could anyone reasonably consume all of it? Well, that’s never been my intention, I want it all out there so the audience can pick and choose what they want to hear themselves, and then go from there. But I think that’s a fair criticism. Written top 10s, guest and ours, our top 10 podcast, the five day goty show, and 10 podcasts on 10 games. It’s a ton, so why not just cut it down next time around, right?

Next year I think focusing on highlighting guests would be good. Either in just written or just podcast form. But we’ll see, we’ll have to start those conversations earlier this year.

Not at all! We just had our editorial meeting about it and I am V EXCITE.

I’ve been very lax on myself, not forcing myself to write at all. In fact, I’ve barely written a thing over the last month. Which has been, kind of nice, in the grand scheme of things. I think that’s okay. Rest is really important, and I can already feel my creative juices swirling around. 

I think my feelings about writing are very much the same, but I have a better appreciation for it now. I feel like I need to write with more purpose now, and I don’t need to set arbitrary time or character limits on it. Once I get back in the swing fo writing complete things, maybe I’ll have a better grasp on how that feels.

I think it’ll review very well and I think it’ll do very well in the states. I know that may seem surprising, but the betas, the reception to them, and the time of release, are all in Capcom’s corner. Honestly, it’s a very strategic and smart release for them. I’m quite impressed at how shrewd it is. They’ll do great.

It’s just a bummer because I see so many folks talking about how it’s clicking with them or how satisfied they were with it, and after doing the three hunts in the beta with a group of three friends, I had fun but... well, I felt nothing. It just totally did not click with me. No satisfaction, no excitement, and I couldn’t wait to be done playing it, just because how it felt did zero favors for me. I’ve always had a cursory interest in Monster Hunter because of my cohosts who are so into it, and after finally playing it I just... don’t anymore, haha. I know that is a bummer, and trust me, no one is more bummed than me that I don’t get to get in on the Monster Hunter party, but more power to the folks out there playing! it think this game will do very well. It’s finally time for the Hunters to shine in the west!

This is a great question! I’d probably own an italian restaurant, and out of spite, I’d call it “O’Neill’s”, spelled the correct way. Sick of seeing all these goddamn pubs called “O’Neals” with their goddamn sheleighlies or whatever (is that offensive? Oh god I’m sorry Amy Gils) so we are doing it the right way.

And yes, I understand the absurdity of an italian food restaurant with the name O’Neill’s, that’s the whole bit. But I love italian food. It wouldn’t be just limited to that though.

I’d absolutely hire the retired Gen and Greg Miller as my head chefs. Meaning we’d have a ton of awesome stuff on the menu. I’d make my aunt’s secret pasta sauce, my mom’s secret brownie recipe, it’d be super good. 

Oh, and we’d have only the best beer, curated by the best beer goddess in the business, Jazz Foster. Duh.

Also like, Beer Goddess is a thing, don’t ask questions.

No, it’s just not going to happen. I think there are plenty of players out there totally unaware fo the drama and fallout that dug MGSV and will get Survive and have a good time. Hell, I played the beta this weekend and had a good time with Logan Moore. Save for it crashing every time I went into the pause menu.

But that franchise just has too much baggage. People are going to tear it to shreds no matter what, but like, also, vote with your wallet. If that game ultimately doesn’t do well, then Konami is less likely to try and do another one, and I know a ton of hypocrites out there are going to just go and buy the game so they can shit on it on the internet. Be better then them. Go play a game made by a small indie developer, or talk about a game you really dug, that maybe folks aren’t talking about enough, like Hollow Knight, or Butterfly Soup. 

Well duh, I am doing that RIGHT NOW

Happy birthday dude <3.

I’m not sure what you mean in this context. Like if you’re pitching an editor with a different ideology then you? Differing “goals” is I guess what’s throwing me off here. 

I think you need to really sell why your stance is valid for that prompt, and as with everything, know your audience. If you’re doing a pitch, know the editor, know what they’re looking for, either in your, or in that pitch or prompt. They’re your audience, and your pitch is what you need to sell. You’re not necessarily selling the piece, you’re selling why the piece is special and why you need to be the one to write it.

I hope that helps?

I, unfortunately, haven’t been reading a lot of good stuff lately, so I can’t make any solid recommendations at this time, but Jarrett recommended a lot of good stuff in his Top 10 Write up, some “required readings” on all of his favorite games of the year. 

http://irrationalpassions.com/jarrett-greens-top-10-games-of-2017/

That’s all I got. I deleted my Facebook account the other day, so really I am living my best life on the internet now, and I’m ready for this year. I’m not going to be doom and gloom. Things will be hard, but there are great games coming that I can’t wait to discuss and exacerbate myself talking of, and there will hopefully be great things to go along with those games. 

Thank you all so much for reading, as always. I will try and get more into the swing of writing this every week like before, and also writing and producing cool stuff on top of that.

It’s 2018, or 20-great-teen as me and my friend Brandt Ranj have coined it, so let’s make this year great, together.

Keep it reeeeeeal.

[aurimeanswind]

New Daze—Sunday Chats (12-31-17)

We made it. By whatever means, we got through 2017 and we survived. You and I. So uh, congrats!

That’s an achievement, right?

Happy New Year

I know, it’s probably not great to make light of how seriously bad 2017 was for some people especially and how difficult, politically, it’s been here in the US, but at the close, I want to celebrate the best parts of it. We can find maybe a bit of hope in that? 

And I was lucky. Lucky for all the wonderful people I got to share time, however brief, with in 2017. I think, of all the things that happened to me across 2017, personal achievement included, spending time with the folks I love and adore is easily the highlight. A few specific and great memories:

PAX East 2017

PAX East again.

Kinda Funny Live 3

KFL3 again

Visiting my bff in Austin.

ExtraLife 2017

Philadelphia with the Jon from the Bro-C.

Even this last week taking the trip to Philly to hangout with Jon Anderson was a special reminder of how important the people in my life are. I am so sad that Tyler Treese couldn’t end up making it, but I know the three of us Bro-C boys will get together sooner or later.

Much like Star Wars the Last Jedi, 2017 have been full of some spectacular moments in my personal life. And some not great stuff too. 😏 #HotTake

But I am appreciative to anyone who spent any time giving me the time in 2017 and hanging out with some dude like me. You’re the real MVP and you’re the most special one of all. Thank you <3.

In 2018, obviously I want us all to aspire to make the year better, not just for ourselves and for multimedia, but for each other. Try and doing something not for yourself at all. Not for the cookie points, not for your ego, not to feel good, but just to do it to make someone else feel good. Just do someone for someone else and don’t think about it. Hey, maybe if you did that for 1000 days, it’d just become a big habit or something like that. I dunno, that sounds crazy to be honest. ;)

I wanted to take a moment and say I’ve been working on a ton! Most of that is game of the year stuff which starts going out TOMORROW. And you all should excited! We got a ton of fantastic collaborators for it and I am really excited folks gave us the time of day to continue talking about some fantastic and excellent video games.

What’s on Tap:

I’ve actually been playing a ton of stuff, so I wanted to kind of separate it differently:

Switchmas

I got a ton of stuff on Switch, including Splatoon 2, Steamworld Dig 2, Steamworld Heist, Stardew Valley, and Blossom Tales.

A big standout has been Splatoon 2, which I fell for way harder this time than the first. Salmon Run is a fantastic mode that I didn't even really know was in the game.

I’ll also say I’ve been falling back in love with the Switch, and the portability of the console is just amazing.

The Steamworld games are excellent, Stardew is right at home on Switch, and I’ll have  preview of Blossom Tales coming at some point so I’ll talk about that more later.

Okami

This game is still fantastic and it’s super great to have it on PS4, and I may just buy it again on Xbox One at some point to play it in 4K.

Few imitators to the Zelda throne come close or, by any means, dethrone the champion, but Okami does all of that and more, and is a must play in my opinion. An eternal classic.

Questions

Last questions of 2017. No pressure right?

I talked about them above, and I really stand by those moments of coming together. But I definitely had some amazing gaming and music moments beyond that.

Overall though, ExtraLife 2017 was the best weekend of my life. Hands down. I hope I appreciated it enough in the moment, and I think I did.

That time Greg Miller walked into my house, saw you, and pulled out his phone and immediately started playing Africa by Toto.

Also, that moment we were listening to Africa in my car, as covered by Ninja Sex Party, and you told me you liked it and were almost lost in the song.

So there’s that.

Man. The Hulk’s dick haunts my mind just like it’s gonna haunt Thor’s.

not Kingdom Hearts 3not Kingdom Hearts 3not KingdomHearts 3

IbelieveIbelieveIbelieveIbelieve

Uh, anyway, Probably Shenmue 3 am I right?

I also don’t think Spider-Man OR Detroit OR Days Gone will come out in 2018. God of War for sure comes out, and of the three, I’d say Spider-Man is the most likely, but I have some extreme doubts.

I MISS YOU TOO JOEY.

My big thing that seems different for me than most, mostly because I seem to love it where most else hate it, but FUSE PERSONAS ALL THE TIME. I loved hitting a couple level threshold and capturing a bunch of Personas and seeing what I could make from it. That kind of stuff has never been great for me in games, but in Persona, it’s so fun, probably because it’s so easy.

I’d also say capture every Persona you can get, by extension of that. Anytime you see a new one, try and get it, just so it’ll be in your compendium.

I’d say try not to stress too much about doing “everything” you can in your first play through. Straight up: you won't. Much like with life, spend time doing things and hanging with the people you like, and don’t worry about stuff that doesn’t grab your attention.

AND. AND. On top of this, don’t sweat about Best Girl. Find the person you like the most and don’t stress to much about other folks’ opinions. :)

Happy New Year Amy! Well, tonight I ended up with some Maple Whiskey (which was great) and some beer, but my go to on New Years is Champagne Asti. It’s that good bubbly stuff.

I’m so sorry Nabeshin. Hang in there bud. Also like, go to a doctor! Please! <3

It was a good personal 2017 and also a terrible personal 2017. My depression was as draining and terrible as its ever been, if not more, and it pushed me really far this year, but I also started a medication that’s really helped me and felt a bit more confident about that and personal health than ever before.

Obviously other things speak for themselves. It’s why I didn’t emphasize the bad, because the good is so, so good, and so much better.

I think a lot more people know who I am and what IP is now than ever. We’ll see what the future holds.

One.

Kingdom Hearts 3.

Which hasn’t/doesn’t happen ever. 

But also, I want there to be a celebration of kindness. There were some terrible revelations this past year about nastiness, and I hope that over boil completely in the opposite direction. That people make penance for being shitty as a society as a whole, and everyone just is nice to each other. Especially men to women, because boy are there a bunch of fucking bad dudes out there. 

So go out there and do some nice stuff and make a difference. 

Sounds like a plan. ;)

Happy new year everyone. I hope you have a killer year. I love you all, and I’m excited to share what I’ve been working on, what I’ve been doing, and what the future holds with you all. I think we can make it a better year and make a better difference, just by starting with being better. To ourselves, and especially to each other.

I’d like to hope that I’ve surrounded myself with these amazing people because of some hope, some want to do goodness and to have fun with one another and to one another, and as corny as it sounds (you can blame tonight’s drinks) I want to continue sharing and proliferating that. Through podcasts, conversations, awkward direct eye contact, hella hugs, and of course:

video games.

Happy new year. And, btw,

keep it real. 

❤️

[aurimeanswind]

Back on the Saddle—Sunday Chats (12-10-17)

Woohoo! Let’s get back on it!

Hey I Stopped Writing

So, as intended, I stopped writing on Wednesday, and I’ve taken a few days off. I think I’ll continue to take some much needed time off, but it’s been an exceptionally weird few days since then.

If you missed it, I wrote this very person feature, finally taking my more personal writings to IrrationalPassions.com, about what the experience for writing 1000 days has been. Check it out here:

http://irrationalpassions.com/feature-learned-lost-pained-in-1000-days-of-writing/

I have been holding off on writing since then and I’ll say, it’s been exceptionally weird. Not writing on Sunday was actually the weirdest thing I think I have done in a really long time. I had that itch, and that craving, and it hasn’t gone away. Making this thing I’ve been doing habitual was always the goal, but to take the time off actually puts it in perspective and lets me appreciate it. That itch to make, and create, and do is still there all these days later, and it’s become a part of me. I don’t see it ever going away.

But also there is so much less stress about. Fighting my procrastinating has always been a struggle for me in all the seven years I’ve been making stuff on the internet, and now I feel like I am in an era after it. But I thought the same with writing, and it resulted in bad habits like not releasing things, not editing things, and not finishing things, so we’ll see if it really pays off. But I’m hopeful. 

I’m also significantly less stressed than I was. There was this pressure to make and do things and be a part of that creation every day, and even with Sunday Chats now, I don’t have to feel that overwhelming pressure anymore, and it’s kind of great. This was the right decision, and I’m really happy to be in a new era of creation for myself.

Thank you to everyone who took a little bit of time out of their day to congratulate me for hitting 1000 days of writing. You all have no idea how much that means to me. To think people are following along this saga with me and watching me create and do things. It honestly moves me to my core. That piece I wrote was very real, very true, and very honest, and it’s one of my proudest writings that has been out there. Thank you all. For reading.

Always.

What I’ve Been Working On

It’s been a minute for a check in with this! So I wanted to give everyone a little preview of the new year. I’m sure I’ll touch on this stuff again soon, but to give you a preview:

I have finished writing a book. The book is entirely about a specific video game from this year, and it’s a collection of essay/article-style writings. I need to find an artist to help me make a cover for it and get it edited, but I’m hoping it’ll be out in early 2018!

I am working on a brand new podcast that I actually want to start. I’ll likely announce it in January as opposed to actually start it then. I’ve had this idea for a very, very long time, but it’s time to put it into action. Once I am cleared of GOTY content, I will be announcing it, and I intend for the first episode to release in February.

Video has been on my mind a lot lately, and I’m excited to get back into it. What exactly I’ll be doing... Well, more Alex Talks, that’s for sure. But I want to change things up. And I want to make it more consumable. I always want to do real, strict video essays, and that’s going to be a new endeavor going forward. We’ll see how it turns out.

There is a TON of great Game of the Year content coming from Irrational Passions, from the written word, to our content, to guest content, and the team has all been exceptional with helping me put this together. It’ll start rolling out at the end of this month, and I can’t wait for you all to see it!

What’s on Tap

There are honestly too many games to talk about, so I’ll just focus on the one I played today, which is Pyre. 

I talked about my other games on Friday’s podcast, so listen to that for my full thoughts on things like Wolfenstein 2 and Death of the Outsider. 

Pyre seems very good. I have pretty much just played the content I saw when I played it initially at PAX East 2016, and previewed it there. It was limitlessly impressive then, and continues to impress now. Its blend of visual novel-esque gameplay and weird, sporty-action is awesome, and so unlike anything else out there. As far as games that do new things, it is a standout in a year that is full of things like that. 

I like the characters, I love the art, and I love the world, I’m really stoked to play more!

I’m also probably going to play some of that Monster Hunter World Beta tonight so god wish me luck.

Questions

I’ve been playing some goddamn video games!

It’s been surreal and I’ve wanted to stop and write and I’ve honestly had to force myself not to. I know that may seem counterintuitive to some, but It’s been really helpful to get some distance from this boot-camp style creation process.

But I finished a couple of things last week and I’m excited to continue going through games and finishing them in preparation for GOTY.

WE AER CONFIRMED FOR PHILLY!

The BrO-C is having a holiday get together and y’all should be excited.

I think I have and I haven’t. I think I fall into a lucky category that a wide swath of genres hit with me and resonate with me in a big way. I can sit down and really appreciate the five hour Call of Duty campaigns, but I can also play a Cuphead and get lost in it, and dig into Hearthstone for a few weeks, or lose myself to Animal Crossing Pocket Camp for a week or two on top of that. I love a multitude of genres, but this year has specifically hit with me as two sequels to my two favorite franchises in games were released: Persona and Zelda.

I think there is always a difficulty with representations in games to players. Like, I am also a white dude, and there are a ton of games trying to get to me, but I’m happy to say that this year definitely felt different, and many of my favorite games starred not white dudes. And that’s great! So I think your feelings of games not hitting with you is not alone.

But I think in those circumstance I try and challenge myself to new things even more. Things outside of my comfort zone. For me, the biggest one this year was Doki Doki Literature Club, which made me very uncomfortable, but paid off a lot, and also Wolfenstein 2, which going into I thought I wouldn’t like, and ultimately it didn’t work for me, but I’m glad I tried it.

Lean into your niches for the comfort food, and explore out of them for something that will (hopefully) surprise you. But don’t write of games that you haven’t played just because you didn’t like previous entries. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. Time to look and see!

I mean for me it’s still the jump from SD to HD. But also the jump from 2D and 3D. I want to believe some HDR shit will change my life, but the more I hear about it the more it turns me off, honestly? Like I’m not surrounded by 4K HDR TVs and I don’t want the more placid experience to be “ruined” for me or anything.

OOOOH! 

I love Christmas. Winter is my favorite season.

OMG.

Okay, so like definitely go on a cute walk through a lights-of-some-kind-celebration, so we have the Festival of Lights here in Maryland. Get some scarves and hot cocoa and go nuts!

Fireside cuddling, for sure.

And Gingerbread lattes from starbucks because they’ll make you fat and holiday ready and also taste like Christmas.

More enthusiastic, honestly! I think the biggest thing I took away from my 1000th day of writing was that it... well, it just felt like all the other days, ya know? There was nothing special about the act that day, aside from all the congratulations. The day after, where I didn’t write, that was the weird one. The special one.

Since my hunger for writing has been building a while, I’m excited to do this. To make this tentpole remain so. And I love Sunday Chats so much, so it’s definitely a big boon to it.

I’ve talked a lot about this on shows, but the Game Awards was excellent. A great show all around.

PSX was fine. It was not a press conference, and was more of a panel, what they had said it would be, so I think it was definitely more fun for the folks there. 

The big stickers with me are HD MediEvil, which I am SUPER stoked for. Loved the game from before, and I hope they bring up the second one too since I love it even more, and that new Campo Santo game looks great. From Software can make whatever at this point and I am probably on board. It’s probably Tenchu, apparently, but I’m still in.

I’ve touched on it already, but it’s definitely been a bit of a shock to the system. I love all the questions about it! Makes me think folks really care ;)

JAPAN.

MAKE AND ASSASSIN’S CREED IN NINJA JAPAN.

PLEASE.

But for real probably 1800s London. I didn’t even play that one but it sounds awesome.

Well, I mean I don’t know. I have partially convinced myself that I definitely dont inspire others, even if there is evidence to the contrary, because I mean... it’s just too crazy for me to believe otherwise. Humbling? I guess?

And I have not realized that. I think I touched on this in my 1000 days piece. I think if that was your takeaway, you missed the point. Even when it feels like nothing is impossible, factors come in that will change that perspective. And holding onto that humility will keep you strong in your weakest moments. And somedays, the most impossible will feel so until it isn’t, and the possible will be very much so until it’s suddenly impossible.

Remember that. Because it hurts when that rug is pulled from under you.

47.

YES. VERY EXCITED FOR THIS QUESTION.

Spoilers, we’ve talked extensively about this, but I’m excited to share my answers here.

So.

Here we go.

With some wiggle room.

Earth Kingdom - Ravenclaw

There is this know-it-all cockiness that I think fits across both of them, and I think there is also this tried and true brilliance as well. There is an established empire of the Earth Kingdom, and it lines up with what Ravenclaw’s ideals would have been. There is also a rigidness to their way of movement, and I think it lines up with the rigidness of Rowena’s belief in knowledge. 

Fire Nation - Slytherin

I think this could EASILY be Griffindor as well, I want to say that up front. 

The two have this kind of strength from within that they draw from, that breath that the fire comes from. And I think the kind of natural jealous of the Fire Lord to the Avatar is similar to Salazar’s jealousy of Godric that brought about that divide, and brought about the Fire Nation that we see in The Last Airbender. There is also a great cunning and brilliant there too, and that can’t be undersold. But there is this feeling of inclusiveness that I can’t shake.

Water Nation - Gryffindor

In a similar way, there is this ego and overconfidence that the Northern Water Tribe holds that puts them in this camp. I could see this swapped with the Fire Nation, like before, as I think Gryffindor/Slytherin are the most similar of all the houses. But there is this idiocy and bravery beautifully melded together there, and a fluidity of response to the water bender’s movement that lines up with the bold and headstrong Gryffindors. 

Air Nation - Hufflepuff

The crowd pleasers. The people-loves. The pacifists. It lines up with the feelings I think are true to what Helena had in mind, but there is a self-loyalty there too. This idea of trying to deflect conflict down really resonates with Air Benders I think, and a loyalty to their own ideals. They were monks who rigidly followed that, and I see that very deeply.

Jazz I LOVE this question so damn much. Folks should tweet at her your thoughts too!

I know this was a bit briefer a Sunday Chats, but I have a ton of stuff I still need to do and get done tonight, but thank you so much for reading.

I will keep trucking along and keep making cool things, but please, keep reading, and letting me know what you think.

I’ll keep writing, but beyond that, I’ll keep talking, and podcasting, and tweeting, and making video, and making an argument for games, because really, it’s all I know how to do.

All I ask you to do, is

keep it real.

(And please Buy Okami HD)