#anyways i KNOW they’re gonna want to see all the absurd fucking snapchats

[mars-ipan]

it’s so funny keeping my friends who have NEVER ONCE talked abt dream updated on the situation now that he’s face revealed and it was everywhere. i’ve had to tell them i was a “casual dream fan” :|

[seriouslysoulsearching-blog]

Started my job today!

Today was the first day marking the start of my nursing career. There was orientation all about the hospital and it’s values, policies, etc so it was a bit boring sitting in a conference room all day in stiff business clothes and I have three more training days before I’m even on the floor. 

What I’m most proud of myself today was that I wasn’t a nervous wreck! I hate having to travel/navigate somewhere new, meet new people, etc. Normally I feel uncomfortable. But not today! I was cool, calm, collected, and CONFIDENT. 

As I sat at the table, learning about the institution I’m working for and looking out the window at the bridge and skyline, I felt like I am in the right place at the right time in my life. I finally feel like I’m supposed to be a nurse. Like I deserve to be there. Which may sound silly, but honestly, I’ve doubted myself every step of the way during nursing school. I would get positive feedback from my nursing teachers, clinical instructors, and even just nurses on the floor who made me feel like “this is what I’m meant to do” but I never fully believed myself. But honestly, I’m sick and tired of living in doubt and shying away from my true potential.

My therapist and I talked last week about getting ready for my new job. I could feel the self-doubt thoughts creeping in already and asked how I could deal with this before I was consumed by it. And my therapist’s advice was extremely helpful. Each day, I’m going to reflect on the positive of the day--what I learned, what I knew, what I did good with. And each day, each week, each month, I can look back and reflect on my progress! This is such a healthy habit instead of what I normally would do--which is to fixate  on what I didn’t know, what I didn’t do correctly, etc. My therapist also made a good point: they hired me KNOWING I’m BRAND NEW. They’re not gonna be surprised, they’re going to expect to teach me everything. Which is honestly reassuring. It’s not realistic to think I’m going to be a “great nurse” when I literally have zero experience, I am a clean slate. I don’t want to come off as nervous/self-conscious so we also discussed how I can present myself which will be more like “I’m really excited to be here and I’m eager to learn as much as I can because I’m brand new” I think this will help keep my rocky confidence stable and build it up from here with these new habits.

ON A DIFFERENT NOTE... I went on a date(ish) this past Saturday. LOL at myself after swearing off dating and then going out again. This guy, Adam, was someone who I connected with on Bumble before turning my profile off and deleting the app from my phone (for my mental well-being) Adam actually asked me out after the first guy fiasco, and I was upfront about not being ready because I got out of a relationship relatively recently. He said he understood as he too got out of a 3 year relationship in August. A few days went by, I sent him a snapchat video of my cat, and I ended up just texting him. We texted for almost a week straight and discovered how much we have in common. He’s also really funny and my kind of weird. We decided to hang out and watch “It’s Always Sunny” together Saturday night at his apartment (since I haven’t seen it all and it’s leaving Netflix at the end of the year) 

Honestly, we had a good time! I was so nervous I hardly remember what we were talking about but he was showing me shows on Netflix and teaching me how to use chop sticks before the sushi got delivered. We also snuck downstairs to the unit below him since no one is living there yet. It was spooky but fun. He was taller than me (praise jesus) and CUTE. Not necessarily my exact type but still cute and his personality was very attractive. When we met outside his apartment door he hugged me and invited me. He’s just a friendly, goofy guy who made me smell for what the sour food was in his fridge. After we came back upstairs from sneaking around, I went to my purse to get a mint because I didn’t want sushi but struggled to open my gum package open.  I think he might of thought that was a single I wanted to kiss because when I turned around (not successful opening it anyway) he kissed me in the middle of the kitchen. All through out the night I was welcomed to the idea to him kissing me, and while he did, I still welcomed it, HOWEVER, the kissing was a FLOP. We just did not mesh. I couldn’t tell whether he was kissing me on the lips or had his tongue in my mouth so I’d pull away and it felt like we weren’t just kissing on the lips but I didn’t feel his tongue??? Like when I make out, I like serious tongue action. Not like the porn kissing where it looks fucking nasty but more like when your tongues are intertwined passionately. I remember my old high school describing that he wanted to almost play tonsil hockey. Which is hilarious and I appreciate him describing it like that because it turns out I really like it like that. And that is something Adam and I could not agree on. So I pulled away in the kitchen, then we started again in his living room, then moved to his couch where he invited me to sit on him (I like) but the kissing did not improve. Was it because we were both pretty tipsy? We sat on the couch for a couple of minutes talking, and it felt a tad awkward probably because we both didn’t enjoy the kissing. I felt like I was maybe getting the vibe he was “tired”/didn’t want me there, so I said I was gonna get going. He walked me to his front door and hugged me goodbye. 

When I was walking away, I was sure we’d probably never hang out again. Which was sort of a bummer because he has a great personality. So when I got home, I texted him and thanked him again for the dinner, told him I had a really good time, and said I wasn’t sure how he felt about it but if he wanted to hang out again, to let me know. Well....he didn’t text back Sunday afternoon but what he said was actually kind of hopeful. I had to consult Kelly and Kira about his text because I couldn’t get a sense on whether he sounded sincere. He said something along the lines of “i had a lot of fun, you’re really cool. i’ll be on a business trip for 12 days (which is true--we talked about it) but maybe when I get back we can hang out” the maybe is what stumped me.

I got some polar advice on how to text back. Kira recommended saying something like “I’d like that! Let me know when you’re back in town” and just saying that. Kelly, however, said I shouldn’t respond at all. She went on to tell me that I should enter the my career feeling focused and not dragged down my uncertainty and negative shit that comes along with dealing with boys (OH, THE BRAIN THING! I don’t think I mentioned it on here--Brian told me the night before thanksgiving that we was really into me, then then GHOSTS ME--like literally removed me on snapchat, blocked my number. i messaged him on instagram and called him a pussy, no lie. It was funny and absurd to figure out I was getting ghosted like honestly it’s such a pussy move I can’t even deal with that like BYEeeee boy!!!!)

Anyway, back to what Kelly was advising me, she said that what I went through with this break up was really intense and that I’m still fragile even though I’m beginning to feel good. I need to focus on ME. I almost want to screenshot what she said because it’s true. 

But what did I end up doing? I double texted Adam. I said what Kira told me to say and then an hour later wished him a good business trip with a lil joke attached to it. He replied and then wished me good luck on my orientation. I’ve snapchatted him twice today but haven’t texted him.

I KNOW what Kelly said is so fucking true. I don’t need anything else on my mind except for my career. And hanging out with positive people. I remember coming home after hanging out with Adam, convinced we wouldn’t hang out again, and telling myself I should start seeing someone when I feel more self-assure, more self-confident. Someone who has hobbies who just hasn’t sat around for the past few months moping on the fucking couch. BUt also, part of me wants someone to hang out with. I don’t see myself dating soon but just someone of the opposite sex to get a drink with at the bar, watch a movie with, do something in the city with, whatever. I see myself being able to just do that without getting to emotionally involved or am I just blinded my naivety? Is that even a word?

Part of me wants to check the bumble app just to see if he’s actually in FL on his business. He said he was like 80% sure he was gonna get sent out. Part of me thinks that maybe he’d just say we’d be in touch after his trip as an excuse to let things fizzle out. My dilemma here is, should I let it fizzle out? What I DO know is that I need to give this dude space. Especially because I wasn’t totally over the moon by him, but he was certainly someone I wanted to hang out with more. Which btw, he was very respective about the recent break up and we didn’t even call it a date (even though sushi, netflix, and smooches totally is) I redownloaded the app but I’m to fight off my urge to log on to see his location (it’s kind of creepy isn’t it? me and the fact that bumble shows the town/city the person is currently in)--I don’t want to be crushed/disappointed but I also feel like I’d get an answer. 

I GOTTA CALM DOWN. If it fizzles, it fizzles. I don’t want to disappoint Kelly because I really do take what she says to heart because she and I think so much a like but she’s had so many emotional experiences and has been in my position after a horrible break up. She’s providing me guidance. I should follow her advice because I know it comes from a place of concern and caring. 

I don’t know we’ll see how this goes. I’m just gonna NOT contact him. It’s gonna be hard but I gotta slow my role. If he’s interested he’ll show it. I’m an attractive, funny, cool, smart chick. If the kissing was enough to turn him off, so be it! But if he actually does want to hang out, I’m just gonna play it real chill and not get into anything serious too soon. I just want to have fun and he’s someone I see have interesting times with.

We’ll see...

Update: I finished this post, checked my snapchat, and he showed me a video of his hotel room and how it’s much better than last time. WHAT AM I DOING

[viralhottopics]

In defense of Snapchat, a manifesto

Image: Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty Images

YeahI’m a business and tech reporter, who reports on social media networks. And in order to do the job correctly, it’s on me to maintain a degree of objective remove. That said: I’m not a reporting robot without ideas, preferences, or a life beyond my gig. And while part of that job also involves spending time on social networks, like all of you, (A) I still do it for fun, and (B) If you looked at my phone, it’d be pretty obvious what my favorite social networks are, and how I spend my time using them.

SEE ALSO: Here’s why all the sudden the banks love Snapchat but still hate Twitter

Here’s a good snapshot:

Which brings us to Facebook, down there, towards the bottom of my usage. They just unleashed their latest attempt to squash Snapchat on Tuesday with Facebook Storiesthe experience of Snapchat Stories, now available on your Facebook News Feed, something nearly 2 billion people could have access to, if you let them. There’s more about that here.

It’s nothing new. Snapchat’s faced down a full-on assault for your attention from Facebook-owned properties, in the forms of Instagram Stories, Messenger Day and WhatsApp Stories, each trying to replicate the very things that make Snapchat, well, Snapchat, but under a different, Facebook-owned app.

Instagram Stories is, thus far, the big winner, with everyone from the network’s most influential creators to its most typical users embracing the feature. Instagram Stories went from 0 to 150 million monthly active users in six months. My colleague, Mashable deputy tech editor Damon Beres, is one of those culprits, and openly admits it (“My #thirst has driven me to abandon Snapchat for Instagram Stories“).

Damon found that “Instagram’s rate of coolness per capita is higher than Snapchat’s. There’s just a bigger audience of interesting people to communicate with on Instagram.”

‘Kay, fine. Fair. But let’s be totally clear: Damon’s saying that he’s Team Instagram because his account is getting what he feels are more highly-valued views.

Thing is, I’m Team Snapchat for the exact same reason.

“Snapchat,” continued Damon, “will likely remain my favorite app for sending incredibly weird things to a handful of close friendsits selection of stickers, face-transforming filters, geolocation tags and so forth.”

And that’s exactly my point, and why Snapchat’s the more valuable of the two appsbecause the mouthbreathing annony-succubi followers of Instagram (especially Damon’s, lol) might be more proliferate, and might be more influential, but I still don’t really know nor care who the fuck any of ’em are.

Snapchat’s where my friends areyes, my real friends. On Facebook and Instagram, I’ll add you as a friend, and you can feel free to stalk my high school photos. I don’t really care. But when it comes to my life, in real-time, in the momentwhat I do every day before work, or after work? That’s on Snapchat.

But when it comes to my life, in real-time, in the moment, when it comes to what I do every day before work, or after work? That’s on Snapchat.

And I’m not inviting you in, unless you gain my trust. It’s kind of like building sources as a journalist: I’m giving you access to my personal life. And yeah, you could take a screenshot of my Snapchat, and share it to the world. And while I’ll know that you did it, it’d be too late to take it back. So as far as my Snapchat’s concerned, you need to be vetted before I let you in.

That’s not to say I’m doing anything too racy and posting it to my Snapchat Story. In fact, that’s another reason why I love the app. For the people that do enjoy seeing it, who I very much trust with my private life, I can send them personal messages. They disappear. And that’s great. They don’t have it saved on their phone because they honestly don’t need it there.

And neither do I.

Shocker: I sext. I’ve sent my fair share of nudes to boyfriends and to others. I’m not ashamed. And if you’re wondering why I don’t just text them, it’s because Snapchat just makes it way more comfortable for us all. Like I said: I don’t need these on my phone, and neither do they. And if they doit happensthey can screenshot. All the more flattery, to be honest.

To be sure, I was once a Snapchat hater, too. One of my best friends tried to convince me to download it in 2012, while I was a sophomore in college. I told her I was too busy with school. Still, I downloaded the app four months later, and I don’t regret it.

To be sure, I was a Snapchat hater too once upon a time.

And while I report on Snapchatas well as other tech companiesfor a living, it’s not reporting on Snapchat that makes me love Snapchat.

What I love about Snapchat is the joy it provides me. I go to Facebook if I want to stalk my ex or a high school classmate. It not funthere’s no real joy in itbut it’s cursory, I do it anyway. I go to Snapchat when I want to genuinely see what my friends are doing. Sure, it creates FOMO; but it’s also an opportunity for me to easily reach out or reply with a funny face or sticker or Bitmoji. It’s a different language, for me and my friends. Not the randos in my life.

And I love Snapchat for the news and the stories it shares. Beyond watching whatever my Snapchat friends are doing, the app (usually) presents me with daily, well-packaged content from media brands, like, say, Mashable’s (Disclosure: Mashable is a Snapchat Discover partner) are enjoyable reads, or tap-throughs.

On Facebook, most of the time, news articles come with obnoxious commentary from friends. My brother-in-law leaves an angry reaction on everything I post (okay, I know, it’s a joke). But: It’s just not fun. If I want to read news through a filtered bubble, I’ll go to my Twitter.

Snapchat’s breaking news coverage is also an incredible product in and of itself. Props to Peter Hamby, Snap’s head of news, for making sure they curate stories with smart news judgment (*cough* Facebook Trending Topics disaster *cough*). It’s pretty inarguable: Snapchat’s got some of the best news coverage on social media.

And the lenses. I know Facebook copied your lenses, Snapchat. But damn, your puppy filter will always bring me joyno matter if Facebook completely mimics it. I’ll never forget the many times I’ve played around with filters with my exes, my best friends, and my mom.

Lenses are fairly new on Snapchat, as in the last two years, but they embody the Snapchat aestheticone they’ve been developing for the last five years.

I’m a confessed, admitted Snapchat fangirlnot unlike those “Apple fanboys” you might be familiar with. Shamelessness goes both ways, guys.

I remember when Snapchat first began selling merchandise branded with Ghostface Chillah (that ghost logo of theirs, who I love, and who you secretly love, too). I immediately requested for everyone to buy me everything. Now, I’m the proud owner of an Official Snapchat Ice Tray. It makes Ghostface Chillah-shaped ice. Which, of course, eventually melts away. Perfect.

Of course I own Spectacles. I carry them in my bag with me everyday. I don’t wear them oftenmostly because I’ve got pretty bad eyesight, and I haven’t gotten prescription lenses because I just don’t want to be separated from my Spectacles for too long.

But I love them. I love wearing them to partiesI Snapped moments of my friend’s wedding. I wore them around Universal Studios. They’re absurd, sure. But they’re also a uniquely fun way to show the world what you’re living through, the moment you’re living through it.

And I absolutely loved their release. Snapbots: Those minion-looking vending machines, dropped in arbitrary locations around the country? They’re fun, dorky, ridiculous, and unique to Snapchat’s strange aesthetic. Instagram and Facebook have rarely had a tangible, real-world presence. Snapchat wants to make itself real in the world off of our phones.

As of this week, there are Stories in the Facebook News Feed. Which brings us back to the elephant in the room where Snapchat’s concerned: Instagram.

And I hate Instagram.

Go to my Instagram feed, which I think is public? Honestly, don’t know, and not gonna check. I love going to my Instagram feed and viewing the posts and Stories of the accounts I follow. Why? Because they’re mostly fluffy puppies. Go check out Chloe the Mini Frenchie and Teddy the Corgi. They’re the reason that I’m a weekly active user of Instagram.

I hate that Instagram is all about the number of likes and followers. I hate the Kardashians.

Instagram isn’t my go-to social network, and I’m pretty confident it never will be. Because, to be quite honest, I hate filtering my life. I hate the vain, highly-styled, carefully-crafted, unsurprising, deliberate nature of it. I hate that it’s a network all about the number of likes and followers. And I hate the Kardashians.

I know Snapchat isn’t perfect. Their racially-insensitive and scientifically-inaccurate lenses are, uh, not a good look. The fact that they don’t really prioritize Android devices and instead cater to iPhone users is just kind of weird at this stage. And I don’t like that they have a weirdly one-way, non-supportive relationship with its creators. I know from speaking to many of the most popular Viner users that this strategy didn’t work out well for themor Vine, either. And of course: Evan Spiegel said some bad shit in college. Snap’s also never released a workplace diversity report, unlike their peers in the tech industry. So, it goes without saying: They’ve got some work to do.

And yeah, at the end of the day, it’s just an app.

But these platforms are also places we’re spending increasing amounts of time in every daythey’re frames that we’re living our lives through, articulating something, creating something, sending some part of us out into the world. And so much more than its contemporaries, Snapchat, if nothing else, stands for things: Authenticity. Spontaneity. And that’s why I love Snapchat. It’s where you’ll find me at my most authentic. It’s where you’ll actually get to know who I really am.

If I let you, of course.

WATCH: A reusable sponge could be the latest solution to effectively clean up oil spills

Read more: http://on.mash.to/2ooWLHc

from In defense of Snapchat, a manifesto