#anyways i deleted that blog and now i enjoy general anonymity here

[vilz]

hello obviously there isn't anything i can really do to control this (unfortunately i deleted a bunch of posts BEFORE turning off reblogs on them) but i would prefer that people did not circulate my posts from this blog any more... i appreciate that people are kind to me about my art, but that is just my request i suppose. this blog is unprivated now, and if you'd like to see what is still up you can look at them here. my ask box is also open but i will not be making any art posts here from now on. here is a little preemptive faq:

why did you leave?

i didn't feel comfortable or happy posting on this blog any more!

do you still make art? do you post it somewhere else?

yes. but i've been pulling away from posting very much online, and the things i'm interested in drawing nowadays are generally more private, so i won't be directing anyone there or anything. i don't consider my new blog to be a continuation of this one.

i know your new blog!

that isn't really that surprising since i didn't honestly put great effort into concealing it or anything. we are probably not friends, so i hold no sway over you, but i would still prefer you did not share it or treat me as if i am still "vilz who posts fnaf art". i'm just a whatever blogger who blogs about whatever things. also to be frank i do not think my new blog has anything that interesting for people who followed for the kind of art i used to post here. this is not an invitation to say "it is interesting!".

we are friends!

if we have not been in direct, mutual conversations i highly doubt that. i'm sorry if that hurts anyone's feelings.

why did you delete all your self ship art?

people seem to enjoy my self ship art a lot, which is very flattering, but i don't want people to be looking at them any more. i realize that they are still rebloggable and are still circulating around, which is nobody's fault but my own, but i would prefer they were not shared any more. i can't really do anything about it and i also don't blame anyone for reblogging those posts since it's obviously not something they would know, but yeah.

i saw your art on pinterest!

i did not and do not consent to my works being put on pinterest. the art from "vilz" has not been uploaded by me to any other website besides tumblr. if someone is posting my art from here on a different platform, they are doing so without permission.

i saw you on magma!

i still join magma boards sometimes lol. it's a fun site.

what about your ocs?

they are still my ocs. sometimes i still draw them. currently, i do not have any plans of posting my oc art online ever again. i would prefer that people did not reblog the oc art i have posted to this blog.

what about your fics?

all of my fics are still up on ao3 anonymously. they are: small mercies obscura floriography baying of lambs scrape bitch, bastard, bullshit almost human a dream, recurring countdown i'm very flattered and happy that people have left kind comments on these. thank you very much for reading the words of an amateur and for sharing an experience with me.

are you going to finish your uncompleted fics?

i would really like to say yes, because i care a great deal about aspects of them, but it's looking pretty unlikely. i lost all my files (and my calmlywriter key !!! always save your emails and receipts, everyone!!!) and also it's hard to feel motivated about them now. i guess i will leave this up in the air just to soothe my own feelings but in reality the answer is Probably Not.

are you going to post new fics?

i might, because i've been in a writing mood lately, but please don't expect anything. if i do, they will be anonymous on ao3. i will not post about them here or on any other blog.

i really liked your posts and blog!

thank you. i'm glad that people could feel that way about the things i made and thought about stuff i care about. irregardless, i would prefer that people did not share my old posts from this blog.

i will do it anyway.

i cannot stop you, so there isn't really any point in pleading. i just thought i'd make a little info post for people who are inquiring. after this, there won't be any "posts" from me. if there are relevant questions or messages i might reply to them or just update this post.

thank you for reading and for enjoying my blog. goodbye !!!

[carlyraejcpsen]

alright, i’ve tried to keep quiet because i truly believe in karma and wanted this rp to close through the admin’s own actions and not give them any opportunities to blame it on me instead. it also felt like beating a dead horse, because i was sure they’d close the rp after losing a huge proportion of their active members and the majority of their diversity. however, after seeing multiple people sharing their experiences today, they are still posting promo posts and starting their event. so yeah, here’s my experience with @thevillagerp​​

NOTE: i no longer have screenshots from my conversations with the admins, as i blocked them when i left the rp for the sake of my own mental health, but i did save the text in my drafts, so the messages below are copy pasted. i have not edited them in any way. They also deleted my original anonymous messages off of their blog.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: racism, very vague allusions to homophobia and transphobia

so i was a member of this roleplay for around two months. during my time there, it was startlingly obvious that white fcs were preferred and prioritised, both from the fact that they got more plots and interactions in general and from the fact that admins never promoted diversity on the main. even now, they repeatedly say they “would still love to receive some more male and non-binary apps” while ignoring that they currently have a ratio of 8 fcs of colour to 24 white fcs. their diversity rules at the time were that 1/3 of a mun’s characters had to be played by an fcoc. so people could easily just play one or two white characters.

a while ago, i sent an anonymous message to the main asking if they had considered perhaps changing this rule to be 2/3 characters instead of 1/3, since there were so few muses of colour in the roleplay (as i said before, they’ve since deleted this from their blog so i cannot provide a screenshot). they responded that they had been thinking of upping the character limit to four instead of three, with a rule that 2/4 must be played by an fcoc. i gave them the benefit of the doubt and the time to enact this change, but nothing happened.

so a few weeks later, i sent them this message on anonymous:

I was wondering if you had thought any more about the diversity rules here? I know you said before that you were considering increasing the character limit, but I noticed that hasn’t happened and I wanted to know if that was a change we’re going to see or if you would consider changing the rules in another way? I’m really disheartened by the lack of diversity in the roleplay

at the time there were 18 characters of colour out of a total of over 60. they responded (again, i’m sorry i don’t have the actual wording since they’ve deleted the messages) that they had thought about it and decided against upping the character limit, but instead would be having a weekly “poc acceptance day,” where they would only be accepting apps with fcs of colour. they also said they were doing this “now that the waitlist was mostly cleared,” which meant that the rp was mostly at capacity anyway, so they needed to look more at how to encourage their existing members to promote diversity, since there weren’t spaces open for new people to bring them in.

i responded with another anon expressing my disappointment and pointing out that they had done more to prevent having too many celebrity characters than too few muses of colour, as at the time they had a ban on celebrity muses. i wouldn’t usually suggest a ban on certain fcs, but as it was something they had done for celebrity characters, then i supposed it was a reasonable option.

they didn’t even respond to this message and instead posted on the main asking me to come off anon to discuss it. so i did, and i sent them the following dm:

i didn’t want to come off anon because i honestly feel really ostracised in this group and didn’t want to make it worse, but i don’t want to drop this issue and you aren’t comfortable addressing it publicly so here we are i guess. like i said in my previous message, i really don’t see how a “poc acceptance day” is going to make anywhere near enough of a difference. people will just wait for the opportunity to play their white characters. there are only 18 characters of colour in a roleplay with over 60 characters. that’s less than a third, which is obviously concerning. what’s even more concerning for me is that these characters are more often than not overlooked. i am often ghosted when plotting, or people don’t even reach out at all when i like plotting calls or intro posts. and then i have to watch characters like leo almost exclusively interact with white women (i’m sure that’s not the only example, but it is the first that comes to mind as he is one of the more active characters).

so this issue goes so much deeper than there just not being adequate representation in the rp. i really tried to help, i suggested making it a rule that 2/3 characters need to be poc in my original ask and you mentioned upping the character limit in response. i was worried that my concerns were being brushed aside, but i waited a while to give you the benefit of the doubt and the space to discuss the issue. so you can understand why it was really upsetting today to learn that the one thing you suggested was dropped and instead replaced with something that is barely scratching the surface of the problem. and i don’t know if it was your intention, but by saying that you were waiting for the waitlist to clear, it comes across as not wanting to receive any backlash from people who would want to join with only white characters. and even if people did want to join with faceclaims of colour, they can’t because the waitlist is cleared. like i suggested, you could change the rules so that 2 out of 3 characters must be people of colour. or, as was your proposed idea, up the character limit to four. you could also put a temporary ban on white faceclaims until the ratio evens out. as i mentioned, it’s really distressing that this was something you were willing to do for celebrity characters, but not to aid diversity.

i also just want to make it clear that these have been the only anons i’ve sent, i know you’ve been getting other ones, but those weren’t from me!!

( for context, they were receiving anons from someone else claiming that they felt left out in the rp ).

i had hoped that coming off anon would show them that this was a very real issue which was affecting their members, as well as giving them a space to discuss it privately instead of on the main. they responded with:

Hi Em, thank you for coming forward. We really, really appreciate it and we understand it’s not an easy thing to do. We also appreciate you flying the flag for diversity so strongly. We can always strive to be better, we are on the same page with you here.

Let us just explain our decision making. Firstly, just to address the waitlist, that was certainly not at all our intention when we brought it up. It was a logistical decision with 5+ applicants having already waited a week for acceptance and aware of their position on a waitlist.

When we decided against upping the character limit (and therefore the 2/4 POC character rule), we thought a POC acceptance day could be a good alternative course of action. In our eyes, this was something that would probably bring more POC characters to the group than the 2/4 rule because we knew there weren’t going to be many muns taking up an additional fourth character. This was a rule we’ve seen other groups enjoy success from so we wanted to try it out here. Plus, we think a day that explicitly highlights diversity every week would bring the message to the forefront of everyone’s minds. As we said, we’re going to monitor this over the next couple of weeks to see if it brings any improvement because we’d really like to have it as an ongoing rule.

The non-POC ban is actually a measure we’ve spoken about too and we are considering putting one in place should this fail. Thank you for raising your concerns, know that we’ve taken them very seriously and we hope that you’ll trust our judgement in trying this rule out first to see where it leads.

first of all, i don’t think i even have to mention the wording of “flying the flag for diversity.” but the real crux of the issue here is that they supposedly wanted me to come off anon to discuss the issue, but instead just explained their idea further and didn’t take anything i said on board. they didn’t even say a single word about how i told them i felt ostracised and regularly got ignored. i knew from speaking to other muns in the rp who played muses of colour (and just from looking at the dash) that they felt the same way too, but of course was only speaking from my own experience.

i thought long and hard about how to respond to this, as i was so disheartened by their unwillingness to listen to their members and the fact that they didn’t care that i felt left out. it felt like they had asked me to come off anon just so they knew who was messaging them and therefore put a target on my back, so honestly the thought of being on the dash or talking to the admins made me incredibly anxious. before i had a chance, however, they responded again with:

Hi hun, we’ve continued discussing this issue over the last couple of days and we wanted to let you know that we’ve decided to put in place a non-POC ban instead. Thank you again for holding a mirror up to the group. We do hope that this will recorrect the balance.

so i waited to see how things would play out. they posted about this new ban here and pinned the post to the top of the main:

[ IMAGE ID: a screenshot from thevillagehq of an admin update, which reads: in the interest of keeping the village a diverse space, we are currently only accepting applications for POCs. please note that any apps or reserves submitted to us for faceclaims that are not POCs will be deleted. we will lift this rule once we see fit.

thank you for your understanding and your efforts in making this group a brighter, more inclusive and diverse place for all. /END ID ]

this rule remained in place for around two weeks, during which time they made almost no effort to promote it. the above post was pinned to the main page, but that was the only mention of the ban anywhere on their page, they didn’t update the rules page or even put a note on the application page about it. during this two week period, the admins posted 10 promo posts, none of which suggested fcs or even mentioned the ban or diversity at all. the ban was then lifted suddenly when the pinned post was removed and the admins just went back to accepting apps with white fcs. the ratio had only evened out in those two weeks (from 18 out of 65 to 24/50) because of people going inactive or leaving, and there was nothing put into place to continue to promote diversity after the lift of the ban. in the three days after the ban was lifted, the admins posted over 10 promo posts, the same amount they had posted during the entirety of the ban. it was clear that they had no intention of actually making changes in their rp and had only done so because i refused to drop the issue.

again, i thought a lot about what i wanted to message them. i knew at this point that they didn’t want to make any real changes, but i still felt like i had to make it clear to them how disappointing their actions were. once again, i was messaged before i even had a chance, this time for bubbling.

as you can see in the above correspondence, i had told the admins point blank that i felt left out and ignored in the rp because of the characters i played (aubrey plaza, mj rodriguez and keiynan lonsdale fcs. all of my characters were queer and used either she/they or they/them pronouns). as a general rule, the only people who wanted to write with me and have interesting plots with me were people who played other muses of colour. the rp had a rule that you must reply to 3+ muns on every character, which i had been doing. i had only been back from my hiatus for a few days at this point and had responded to 6 different open starters the day prior. their message to me read:

Hi hun. There’s something we wanted to address to you directly. It’s been expressed to us by multiple members during these last few weeks that they have felt excluded by your character within the group, especially when it comes to the friend bubble that has formed between Mars, Bowie, Luvena, Asher and others. 

While we encourage the development of friendships and trust that this isn’t intentional, we have a zero tolerance for bubble roleplaying at The Village. We are aware that our three mun activity rules have been met by all parties involved, however, bubbling is usually a little more nuanced than that and it seems it has unfortunately begun to create a bit of a divide within the group. 

We have already issued individual warnings to a few people within the bubble, however with multiple members still expressing their concerns to us, we decided it would be better to address the group as a whole. We hope that by pointing this out to you, you will try and branch out to your fellow members a little more from now on - and try and be a little more inclusive when it comes to everyone else in the group. 

We take such matters very seriously as admins, and while we hope it won’t have to come to this, there will be consequential steps taken should we not see any changes in your interactions in the weeks to come.

as you can imagine, i was incredibly upset to receive this message after already telling them i didn’t get plots from many of their members and they had done nothing. even people who i had previously messaged continued to only write with the same few white characters. i don’t deny that we definitely had a friendship group between our characters, but there were multiple people in that roleplay, including the admins, who only cared about ship plots or plots with the same few muns. me and other people who received the same message had all previously told the admins that people aren’t plotting with us and gotten ignored, so receiving this message made it clear that they neither cared about us nor wanted us in their rp. and so i responded as below:

yeah i literally told you i felt left out because there are multiple people only writing with white characters and you never addressed it, so this message is honestly insulting. i have reached out to almost every new member, responded to multiple open starters and have tried to plot with as many people as possible. like i told you, i am often left on read or people don’t even message me at all. if people do message me, i am usually expected to put in all of the effort and if people aren’t interested in actually developing plots with me then i am obviously not going to force my characters on them. all of my characters are queer, non binary people of colour and the harsh truth of this roleplay is that people don’t care about them. i even wrote out a whole list of 20 detailed suggested connections in an attempt to get more plots and nothing came from that either. i’ve even gotten anonymous hate saying that offering to explain my characters’ pronouns was “patronising,” which i didn’t feel like i could approach you about because, when i told you about how i’m feeling excluded, you didn’t care.

so if i only have actual plots with the people who actually care about my characters, i make no apologies. i also don’t even have threads with half of the characters you named, asher being the only one, and have literally only just come off hiatus. so please explain how i am bubbling, because this really just feels targeted at this point.

you’ve made it endlessly clear that this rp isn’t a safe space for people who want to play diverse characters. the main was practically silent while you had a ban on white faceclaims, which you never actively promoted, and then you dropped that suddenly without putting anything else in place. you also deleted my initial anonymous messages asking about diversity as if you were trying to hide that there was ever an issue. you turned anonymous messages off, so that no one can safely criticise you. because i did that off anon and ever since it has felt like there is a massive target on my back. my characters have been “accidentally” on the activity checks multiple times despite me being on hiatus (people get a notification that they were tagged even if you remove their name from the list btw). plus when i asked for an extension on my hiatus, you said that you would allow it “just this once” which now makes me feel like i can’t come to you if i’m busy. right now, for example, i am in the middle of moving house, but i’m also stressed about trying to stay active because you have made yourselves completely unapproachable.

the ratio only evened out slightly because members left. then suddenly after the ban you’re posting multiple promo posts a day??? you couldn’t get more obvious. i came to you about diversity in good faith, hoping that it was something you were unaware of, but you have made it abundantly clear that you actively do not want to promote diversity in your roleplay, we are just here to be witnesses to your ship. there are multiple members who are actually bubbling who have been brought to your attention, but nothing has been done. leo continues to only write with the same three white and white passing characters. charlotte pretty much only appears to write with leo and post a vague “message me for plots” post that wasn’t even tagged. both of you only put effort into your ship threads with each other and the occasional text threads. even with something like group events: while i’ve been here, there’s been a pride event that neither of your characters were even in new york for (an event where i was the only one reaching out and posting multiple starters, by the way); there was no event last month, and this month all you’re talking about is this housewarming party.

i’m really disheartened that it’s come to this, but i can’t be here anymore. please post unfollows for all my characters. you’ve said multiple times that we should trust you as admins, but this message shows again that i simply can’t do that. from the disregard of trigger warnings, to the way you treated being held accountable for the lack of diversity, to how you respond to people asking for hiatuses, this isn’t a safe space. even if i stayed, the target you have placed on me is making it insufferable to just write my characters in peace.

the other muns who received the same bubbling message (copy pasted btw, we all got the same one word for word) all responded with their own concerns and criticisms in responses of a similar length to mine. none of us received a reply, our unfollows were just posted the next day without any further responses from the admins. a few of the other members who had written and plotted with us chose to leave as well, which the admins wrote off as us just dragging them with us as opposed to them being able to make their own decisions and being aware of the situation (which was incredibly obvious. no promotion of a white fc ban, suddenly being active on the main once they try to stealthily drop the ban, then the majority of their muses of colour leaving???)

i haven’t paid the rp much attention since i left, as i mentioned above i blocked the main and the majority of the members just for my own mental health. but from a quick scroll through today i can see that the only change in diversity rules is that now instead of your third character having to be a poc, it is now your second. however, you still only have to have 1 character out of 3 have a fc of colour. so very little has been done, but of course i’m not surprised in the slightist.

these admins don’t want diversity in their roleplay. if you play any character who isn’t a rich, white, cishet neurotypical, please avoid it at all costs. it’s not in any way a safe environment.

[wri0thesley]

a lot more ppl sent me very lovely messages and i don’t want to spam dashes OR ignore them so i’m replying to them in a batch below the read more!:

jellyluchi said: idk what those anons are on but I'm really glad you're writing for a different media I don't see a lot of jjk content so seeing it on my dash is great! plus it's your blog so you should be able to able to write whatever you want! you're not betraying anyone for writing stuff you like

tysm sid!!! i love jojo and i will probably not be abandoning it but people forget i’ve been here for FOUR YEARS (!) and i’m one of very few blogs still around. like. people don’t even remember the blogs that were popular when i was still writing :(. i’m just excited to have a new interest!!! <3 

Anonymous said: Nat: la squadra posts 24/7 Anon: you're basically abandoning the jojo fandom relinquish your card No but seriously, people are allowed to focus on other types of media, especially if the current fandom is waning. Not saying more people are leaving the JoJo fandom than staying, but that it's had to make do with the available content. I'd say more people (inside and outside the fandom) are more familiar with the anime, and Golden Wind ended 1-2 years ago. I'm sure once Stone Ocean comes out, the fandom will go wild again. Either way, I don't mind what you post, I just like seeing you talk so passionately

gosh it’s been so long since VA, huh? i’m still here, still working on stuff - my inspiration for jojo has just waned a little! i still love talking to you all about my husbands and your husbands. a lot of my friends are into jjk now too which means that i have people to bounce ideas off in a way i don’t as much for jojo! i’m sure when SO starts i’ll come crawling back but for now let me have a little fun! <3  also i really do still not shut up about la squadra dfbvnkjdfgn. i’ve been saying to myself i’ll publish one jojo thing and one jjk thing a day and it’s been going really well so far! 

mix-senpai said: I like to assume that the anons who say that stupid shit to you is always the same little gremlin who apparently has nothing better to do. I know you don't want people to openly riot over these anons, but honestly? You're one of the sweetest, and most friendly and accepting person I personally have ever met, so color me baffled to find that clowns like that anon would have the nerve to give you such a nasty attitude and be so rude for no reason. Like, hello? They're not the boss around here- it's not their blog it's yours to post whatever you please, they have zero say on the matter and they just have to deal with it. Keep doing you. Keep being your lovely self. And just keep doing whatever makes you happy, okay?

i block them as much as i can but i dont think it works very well fgnkjbng. as a whole i delete a lot of mean messages but honestly i’ve been expecting this one for a while which is why i bothered replying to it! tysm friend! <3

Anonymous said: 1. you still enjoy and write for jojo, you didn’t “abandon” anyone. and even if you did lose interest in jojo, that isn’t really your fault. people lose interest in things. 2. it’s YOUR blog. youre allowed to post, write, and simp over whoever you please from whatever fandom. i like jojo and jujutsu kaisen, but i also stay because i just generally like reading what you say and post because i like you, not just because i like what you can provide for me. you deserve to have followers that feel the same way, aka not that anon

the use of words like ABANDON and BETRAYAL is so funny to me honestly, this is just a thirstposting blog it’s not that deep fgbnkjgfn. thank you so much friend!! i’m glad so many people at least seem to like both, it makes me feel less bad! <3 

Anonymous said: are you seriously getting shit on just because you have interests other than jjba??? lmao how the fuck does that anon survive on tumblr 😂😂😂 one of the blogs i followed for, like, gravity falls content or something several years ago, who has since shifted their focus to posting content from numerous other fandoms, ended up putting monsterfucker content on my dash the other day because that’s just what they’re interested in right now apparently! and you know what i said about it? abso-fucking-lutely nothing because it is not my business to dictate the content they post on their blog, and if they ever start posting stuff that’s a dealbreaker for me, then i’ll just leave quietly and leave them to their business. a content creator that you followed for a certain type of content deciding to change what fandom they produce content for is not a “betrayal” or whatever, it’s just them being a human fucking person on the other side of the screen! anyway, i just wanna tell you that your writing slaps, i hope people continue to recognize that your writing slaps no matter WHAT fandom you write for, and i hope you have a fantastic time writing your funky lil heart out for jjk 💓

honestly some anons in my inboxes have WILD takes. i follow so many ppl who arent into jojo anymore but i consider them MY FRIENDS AND I LOVE THEM. i just want them to be happy! and if ppl arent happy with my content there is an unfollow button RIGHT THERE!!

Anonymous said: That anon saying they feel betrayed either copy and pasted their message or something because a few other blogs that used to be JJBA only, then branched out to multi fandom stuff, got the same if not similar messages.

yes! like i said earlier, i’ve been expecting this message for a while bc i’ve seen a lot of my mutual writer friends get it. as a whole, i delete a lot of mean messages instead of replying, but i felt like this one might come up again so i wanted to nip in the bud so to speak! <3 

Anonymous said: honestly, nat after over a year of being stuck inside and not being able to see my friends or do very much, it honestly just feels NICE to be excited about something with other people! i will ALWAYS love jojo but thank you so much for turning me on to jjk!! my partner and i were also in kind of an anime rut and hadn't watched a new series together in months but we are both enjoying it immensely 💖

AHH i hope you are the same anon who messaged me about it before because i am so happy that you are enjoying it!!! i convinced haz to watch jjk too and now we’re both having a very good time (she just got up to date with the manga!). it’s so nice sharing things you care about with people!

[cprlover123]

You complain that people prefer seeing pictures of your breasts over your shit storys, but I can say for certain nobody likes your breasts. The only reason they are even remotely good to look at is because the rest of your body is just fat lol.

Please stop being a crybaby and just stop post all together, you will do us all a favors!!

Hello dear Sir or Miss, as a wise man once told me, any criticism is good criticism, but I would like to address a few points regarding to your so "cleverly" put together post.

First of all I’d like to address the point you made about my body. Although you have never seen it, you were very quick to point out I was fat. I wouldn’t disagree with you normally, but as a person who’s always struggled with their self-esteem, I must say that comment did hurt me. I’ve never been happy with my own body, for mostly personal reasons which I’m not willing to share, but just know that telling someone they’re fat, ugly, or any other rude remarks about their body isn’t generally the nicest thing to say. I’d suggest your next approach would be to get to know the person better at first, then see if you can have some “banter” with them. I wouldn’t mind being called fat playfully, but if it comes from a complete stranger it absolutely hurts. 

For the second point you made about my stories, I would like to point to the fact that even if nobody likes them, I still enjoy writing them. I was simply just referring to the fact that a quick picture of my chest would gather more likes than a well crafted story, were some thought went into. In no means am I complaining that people interact with my blog, I love seeing the notifications when I check Tumblr, it makes me feel not lonely. 

Thirdly, maybe you are right, maybe I’m just a huge cry-baby and should just stop posting on my blog. Although I like to post stuff to my blog, and I doubt your opinion of what I post or how I look like will change that. As I stated previously, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and if you don’t like my blog, just block me so you won’t see my post. That’s how it works at least.

Now that I’ve been nice to you, and you probably won’t have read this far, let me roast you. 

Firstly, as a student who did 2 years of English at university level, I should note your English is pretty terrible. Normally I wouldn’t comment on people speaking a different language, as I myself am not a native English speaker, there’s probably some flaws in this text regarding punctuation or use of words, but if you are going to talk bad or down about someone, at least Google the words so you’d know how to spell them correctly. 

Secondly, how are you gonna comment on my body, if you, yourself, haven’t posted anything, nor reblogged anything. Kind of tempted to believe you just created an account to submit this ask, yet you could have easily submitted it as anonymous. 

Anyway, my rant / explanation ends here, I do hope I managed to explain myself in a good way so you potentially change your mind. If not, I truly hope you delete your blog, and or come out of hiding so everyone knows who you are. 

I can’t say for certain they will be nice to you, but since you made some good valid points, you will have a strong case when they hate you.

With love, Lauren.

PS: Sorry mobile users for the wall of text you have to scroll past, it didn't look as big on my computer screen.

[diamondswordpearlshieldhcs]

Hello

Hello! I am an old imagines blog breaking back into the Pokémon community (are y'all still around?). I highly doubt any of you will actually remember me, but if you do... a quick explanation will follow of what happened in the run up to me deleting my old blog, and some more reasons behind it that will hopefully make me seem more like a reasonable person and not like the crazy person I made myself out to be in the lead up to the deletion. I'll put it below the cut, so if you don't want to read, feel free to move on, no hard feelings.

To anyone still here: hi. I was previously on Tumblr under 'swordsshieldsimagines', however that blog quickly disappeared into the abyss six or seven months ago. There are many reasons for it, which I am planning to detail for you below.

Both my family and friends had a few crises. I won't go into detail, but long story short, I've had multiple people getting hospitalised for various reasons, operations planned, all that stuff. I'm a pretty private person and not the type to get myself embroiled in my emotions when shit happens, but this also leads to another major issue: I get burned out, upset, and end up with extremely low energy.

While this was happening, I was also back at university for the first time since 2017. When I started the blog back in 2020, during the first lockdown, I hadn't started uni yet and didn't anticipate starting any time soon. But between university, work and family drama, I was reaching the end of my tether. The fact I felt like I was letting down 800+ people by not posting wasn't helping - I was worrying about it constantly. I struggled with anxiety a lot as a teenager, and while I'm better at coping with it these days, I still wasn't coping coping. I was just doing what I could.

Fast forward to the days leading up to the deletion.

I got a fairly innocuous message, which blindsided but didn't upset me really. That being said, after my answer I then proceeded to get quite a few angry anonymous messages. I deleted these, but this was around the time I went on the indefinite hiatus from my blog. A couple of days later, I decided the blog had to go for the sake of my own mental health. Even seeing a notification for the blog was making me tense up and worry. It needed to go.

I put a time limit on it, but I don't know if anyone was actually able to save the posts. Retrospectively, I wish that I'd archived the blog somewhere. Hours of my life were spent on that blog, and I did actually enjoy reading over some of the posts when I was having writer's block. Either way, it's gone now, no need to look back.

Anyway. I've been playing Platinum again whilst waiting for the Sinnoh remakes, and I watched Evolutions earlier on today and remembered how much I loved writing imagines earlier on in the day. My Leon muse perked up a little bit and... so here I am. I'm back. I'm going to be upfront and say I might not post as much as I used to. I really want to avoid burning myself out as much as possible, because that's one of the huge issues I've had in the past. If any of you are back from the days of my old blog: welcome back! If not? Nice to meet you, and sorry for the Sad Backstory™. Requests are open for now. Anything Tumblr doesn't like will henceforth be tagged 'lemons', because I am from the generation that remembers what that meant. If you have any questions for me that you'd like addressed publicly or privately, send them over.

Welcome back.

[yugiohcardsdaily]

In honor of my 25th birthday, here are 25 facts about me and our beloved franchise, Yu-Gi-Oh!

I’ve been collecting the cards since I was 6.

I watched the original anime when it was first coming out in America. Back when it was on KidsWB, I believe.

The dubs are the only way I’ve ever experienced the shows. I can’t bring myself to watch the subs because of it. Also it was a wonderful thing to look forward to every Saturday morning, back when they still had cartoons on at the time.

When I was little, I’d pull cards out of my collection and duel one of my sisters. We didn’t know all the rules, so we’d end up with huge hands and a lot of nonsense turns. So it was almost like Season 1 of the original anime, except in real life.

I learned how to duel properly in high school. For some reason, Yu-Gi-Oh! became really popular to play when I was a junior/in the 11th grade, so I got to enjoy it with other people. Ran an Agents deck, wasn’t very good, but I had fun.

I’ve written Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfiction since I was in the 5th grade, which was roughly about 2006 or 2007. I also started writing Naruto fanfiction at about the same time, but I haven’t written that nearly as much as I’ve written Yu-Gi-Oh! stuff.

My first three Yu-Gi-Oh! OCs are characters I still use to this day. They’ve evolved a lot over the years, kind of growing up with me. In case anyone’s curious, their names are Carrie West, Jessica West, and Mirage. Carrie’s the main one, Jessica’s her sister, and Mirage was originally just supposed to be like a “Yami” for Carrie. She’s much more than that now, but I won’t bore you with the details.

The first time I saw anything 5Ds-related, I thought it was stupid and avoided watching it. Thank the Crimson Dragon I gave it another try.

This isn’t news, but my favorite characters in the franchise are Yugi Muto and Yusei Fudo. Still bitter about how much Yugi is ignored in favor of Yami/Atem, even in official merch. And also bitter that a lot of images of Yusei on official stuff erases his criminal mark, even though he’s had it since like Episode 6 and always had it in the manga, from what little I’ve read of it.

I met my best friend through fanfiction for this franchise. I posted my work on good ol’ Fanfiction.net, she reviewed, and the rest is history.

That friend got to go to Japan and see Darkside of Dimensions there. She also sent me some Yu-Gi-Oh!-related stuff that she bought while in Japan, including a DSoD booklet thing.

Said friend also got a recording of LittleKuriboh using his Yugi voice to say that I’m “super-special-awesome” as well as his signature in a 3-in-1 manga for the original series. It was at AnimeNorth, I believe, a few years ago now.

I was introduced to Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged in high school by one of the boys I played the game with. The first Abridged thing I experienced was Leather Pants.

I thoroughly enjoyed Marik Plays Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines, which is why I bought and played the game myself. Wish he’d go back to it, but until then I’ll just rewatch the videos every now and then.

Some kid on my school bus stole my Uria, Lord of Searing Flames card (which came from the tin based around it; I mistook it for Slifer at first) and my Black Luster Soldier card (might have been from one of Yugi’s early Starter decks.) I let him look at my card binders and the little shit took them out. >:/

My older sister wrote fanfiction that included a couple of my characters as a big part of the plot. This was because our characters were cousins. Anyway, I looked through it while chatting with my best friend. It. Was. Fucking. Awful. Carrie was completely out of character. Mirage wasn’t being utilized correctly. I anonymously ripped my sis a new one through a review on FF.net, which caused her to take it down and come to me, saying something about how I had great fans who would defend my OCs and she was sorry. She still doesn’t know it was me.

As a result of the above, I stopped including her OC in my writing, and I actually had the character killed off in a OneShot because I didn’t want her lingering in my plots in any way. Said character was also paired with Kaiba in a very out of character fashion, so I set him free from her shackles. Now he’s in a crack ship in my universe with my bestie’s OC, nicknamed KaKa due to their names.

I have a couple of Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds OCs. They’re twin sisters who, because of me deciding how much time passes between the original series and this spin-off, are the great-granddaughters of Yugi Muto and one of my OCs.

I tried to play...Duelist of the Rose?? a game for the PS2 while at a friend’s house. Couldn’t get past the first fight which was with...I want to say Rex or Weevil. But the characters were using names from like King Henry and shit. Yugi/Yami said his name was Henry, but to call him Yugi, like what???

My current card collection count (try saying that five times fast) sits at 2813. I have them split among four binders, three of about the same size and one thin. Two of the four are just Monster cards.

I wish they’d stop making new rarities for cards. Toon Chaos was basically scalped because of that, but also it’s just unnecessary. There are lots of rarities available. They just stopped using some of them for whatever reason. Like, gimme more Ghost Rares and less Collector’s Rares, please!

I have ships I ship, which obviously include some OC x Canon ones, but I won’t name them. Shipping wars are dumb.

My favorite female character in the franchise is...a tie between Mai Valentine and Akiza Izinski. Don’t get me wrong. I like most of the lady cast in general. Also, I prefer Mai before her voice changed and Akiza during the Dark Signers stuff over who she becomes later in the series, which is just Yusei’s love interest.

There’s kind of a running gag in my Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfiction between me and my bestie. For the longest time, even if the story didn’t involve him, Kaiba kept appearing. I made a “meme” image to commemorate the reoccurring event, which is simply a pic of him with the words “Kaiba appears nonetheless” in impact font.

I started this blog on a whim. No idea why I did, but I’m glad that I never deleted it like I did so many other sideblogs. It has been an honor to be a part of this community. You guys have been amazing <33

[bangtansmutcentral]

[Please Read]

We would like to start off by apologising to our members and followers for making you have to witness this. It is in our opinion totally unnecessary, but since we’re getting these asks we need to address them.

We would like to say that whoever is sending these could have acted like an adult and contacted us privately and expressed their concerns. We were never hostile or unapproachable so we don’t understand why hide behind an anonymous ask. Either way, it is done.  

Since I (admin sue) started working on the network alone, before inviting my friends to join, I’ll be speaking for the 3 of us. 

After getting theses asks we didn’t know what to make of them, because we literally didn’t know what they were talking about, but after going to said network to see if something was going on, we saw a post, that didn’t mention any networks, talking about stealing content, not having their own ideas, taking advantage of what they’ve worked so hard to accomplish and we did NOT think it was about us, since we NEVER stole anything. But it is obvious, after getting these asks, that they are talking about us.

For what I understand, ---net, is a writers network that work and share smut content. Our network was made to gather and share ALL KINDS of posts. You can see that if you go on our application form and find the following: 

We never intended to be a writers only net. We have writers of course and it is a big part of what we share but we are definitely not a writers network and as we grow, we hope to make the net even more diverse. 

I’m from the side of tumblr that is more visual, and I saw most pages I followed close due to the policy changes on tumblr and because of that, what is left in smut is mostly writing. That is why we have more writers than other creators, but we are not a writers club or writers network. We will hopefully encourage people to get out of their comfort zone and try new things and express themselves in different ways, other than writing, while of course keeping and giving the deserved space writing has.

I’ve been blogging for 2 years now and my personal blog has over 26k followers. I’m not saying this to brag, that is definitely the last thing I want to do, but I want to show you that I’m not after a following or attention at any cost. Of course we want to see whatever we create succeeding, but we’re not in this to steal anything from anyone, generate hate or compete.

The network was made because I wanted a new project that would bring all smut content to one place. I miss having this diversity of content on my feed and wanted to create something I would enjoy as well as help other people come together since nowadays it’s harder to do that here. Plus, having my friends join me on this made it a very special and fun idea. 

We never owned any networks, or were a part of them in any way. My page for example is more visual contente than written, so I didn’t even know of these writers networks. To see how this is true, I went on my blog and asked smut creators to get in touch with me for a new project, then searched for some smut blogs and messaged them one by one asking if they would be up for a net because I didn’t even know if anyone would be interested, let alone, think that there was already one! Even though we know all the networks for sharing pics and gifs, smut networks were something we never knew existed (and now, seeing that they do exist, I think that there is space for all of us, in our own way). Here is how I went about it:

I even messaged one of the ----net admins, as a creator (without knowing that she had a net), asking if she wanted to join us, and that’s when we found out they existed! She even told us that they already used ‘---’ and I apologised and changed our visual identity completely so there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings. I changed our #, header, icon, everything. I just didn’t change the name because we would have to create a blog from scratch and we already had started promoting the page everywhere. The name was created randomly, if we knew there was a net with a similar name of course we would want something completely different because we don’t need to feed off of other blogs success or image. We are just not that kind of people. We want to start small and slowly learn about our members, our followers and what content is best and how to navigate the net. At the time I didn’t even give it much importance since it was just a name… for me personally it wasn’t something worthy of a fight. But apologised and changed everything else as soon as I could. Is that me being unfriendly and rude? Is that the behaviour of someone that wants to steal something from anyone? ‘

When I started setting up the blog (after changing the items), I din’t know the first thing about a net, or anyone that I could ask about it, so I just went around all networks I could find (---net included) to see how a network works basically. I found out that the rules are basically the same, the application forms as well and the aim of all of them is to share creators content. We didn’t think we were stealing anything by making similar rules to everyone. I personally wouldn’t mind if someone took inspiration from my page or even copy-pasted word by word of my rules pages for ex. For me, it is not stealing content, it’s just rules... I wouldn’t mind at all, but of course that is personal. 

The 3 of us are finishing our masters degree, so we see tumblr as a hobby. We have the utmost respect for everyone and everyone’s work but it is just our hobby. One of us is in her exam period, the other finishing her thesis, I’m having my mom over for summer so we wouldn’t have time to keep the blog running if we didn’t queue posts, and since we’re 3 admins, 3 posts are ideal (one for each) and of course alphabetically through our members because that’s common sense.

This was mostly so in this busy month the blog wouldn’t die. We didn’t think that that would cause such a problem.  If this net is really talking about us, they could have reached us and talked to us in private without causing such a commotion. We were never hostile to anyone, never offended anyone in anyway so we don’t understand why they did things the way they did, but then again we are all different people. If what bothers you anon, (and assuming you’re associated with the net some way) is that our acceptance post has similar rules (because that’s the only thing we’ve put out so far, so you must be talking about that… we’re a few days old… we literally have done nothing yet), you could have reached us and said so and we would have gladly changed it. It would however remain very similar, since we share mostly the same kind of content and every network has pretty much the same acceptance rules. Also a members page, a navi page, a tag system.. how did we copy you on that? That’s how all the networks I saw work! And how did all nets start? Didn’t they start by looking at other nets to see how this ’network thing’ works and basically start the same as them, since the rules are all the same, and then find their own place and change things over time? Someone said that it is disheartening to see others gain from what they’ve worked hard to create. What have we gained? How have we used their creations to gain anything? Because we’re queuing posts? We can change the way we worded that, but we will keep queuing from our members because we don’t have time at the moment to keep the blog going otherwise.

The disclaimers are similar? But of course they are! We hope people have common sense but some things are triggering and must be advised against. I myself for example, have some triggers that I don’t want in my net!

We really don’t believe that this is aimed at us, it really can’t be, because we have an acceptance post out so far and nothing else. The rest is just the normal things every net has as I said before, so if this is all a misunderstanding and since no one from the net reached us, we would like to apologise if their post was directed at someone else.

Lastly I’d like to say a few things:

We wanted a page with a variety of content, a variety of individuals, have thought of ways to encourage visual creativity and fun stuff to do in the future. We wanted to create a feed that we missed having. We just wanted to have fun and meet new people. 

We find this absolutely unnecessary. People have better things to do than to be reading these long arguments. We are a small page that wanted to do something for us and for the people that choose to follow us. Most importantly, we didn’t mean any harm. We can see that ---net has a very beautiful page and I’m sure full of talented people and it was NEVER out intention to copy or disrespect anyone. As I said before we are not a writers club so we won’t be as similar as it might seem. We are as similar as all networks within the same genre are. 

We think that if this was aimed at us, it could have been dealt with privately. We are not animals that can’t be talked to, we were and always will be open to learn and grow with everyone and apologise if we hurt anyone even if not intentionally. But since it started publicly and without us even knowing, and now getting all this hate, it’s only fitting that it ends publicly as well. We will not be addressing this anymore. We are only a few days old but already cherish our members and followers very much. With that being said, if you are a member of ---net and feel like you shouldn’t follow us or be a member, for believing that we did something we didn’t do, you are free to leave us. Though it pains us, we understand that trust is earned and being with a net for so long and then seeing these accusations, you can only think the worst of us, so we won’t make it hard or awkward for you if you want to leave. I actually considered deleting the network because this is causing way too much anxiety that I personally don’t need in my life right now, but my dear friends and admins here talked me out of it because we didn’t do anything wrong. Through all theses years here, I NEVER disrespected anyone, my page was NEVER involved in anything bad and we only spread love, positivity and have fun, so thinking that someone can think such bad things of me is almost unbearable. 

ps. English is only my 3rd language so please excuse any mistakes such a long post might contain.

Admin sue

In name of Bangtan Smut Central Netwok.

[lowkeysebastianstan]

hey there. I totally get your frustration with endgame and the ending. I wasn't happy and I'm not happy how half the fandom tells me/us how we have to look at it. how we have to accept it. how the actors are happy with it and so should we. how the writers/producers - okay, I'm gonna leave them out of this seeing neither of them have any idea what they have done in the first place. after all they disagree on everything in every interview since the release. and isn't that funny? (1/?)

how even they are not on one side with the movie? what I despise most right now when it comes to this movie and this fandom is how we are treated. how we should tag our “hate” - which I think is funny since I didn’t hate the movie entirely. I hated pieces of it, like I did with past movies. I never liked doctor strange and even back then people were allowed to mention how casting cumberbatch for the part wasn’t the smartest idea they had. (2/?)

people want us to be happy with an ending that doesn’t make sense to us and they appreciate and are “allowed” to shove down our throats with their happy posts about a perfect ending. how is taking tony’s life after he finally married pepper and got a daughter is perfect? how is sending steve back to peggy after they did everything in their power to convince us he moved on from his past life…how is that perfect? (3/?)

you can probably tell I’m bitter. I really am. there’s not a day that goes by I’m not frustrated with what we got after ten years and 22 movies. however, I thought to myself what would it give me to cling on to this on my blog. would it change anything? I do know I’m not alone. I see so many people agreeing with this anger and it gives me some sort of peace. at the end of the day, though, it’s also important to see what it gives to you. (4/?)

talking to one of my closest friends about it and voicing my frustration with the end helps me more than keep posting about it. because in the end it won’t change a thing. the longer I surround myself with the frustration and anger and everything that comes with this not being what I had hoped for the more it pushes me from the fandom. of course everyone do as they please and I get people who want to get it out of their system. (5/?)

but maybe sitting down and look at what the constant repeating will give you in the end, realizing where it might end, could help finding some kind of peace for you. I’d hope for you to enjoy the parts of the fandom that still apply to you. I really like your blog and you as a person and I’d hate to see one of my fave people on this site to leave (I lost count, but this is the last)

whew! hi right back, that was quite something. 

i feel ive answered this ask before, was that also you?

i mean, yeah. i know im not alone, i do. i see some of it on my dash, but not a lot, since ive had to block every marvel related tag just to keep from indulging in some light murder (just gentle ones, not to worry), and i really cannot fathom why ppl on the other side of the isle can’t do the same? or if you’re getting tired of the negativity? blacklist. or unfollow, block even. 

as ive said a few times lately, ive been here 6 years. and this is the first time ive aired my frustration in any noticeable way. sure there’s been a few occasions where i got the salt shaker out, but that was in relation to much more limited subjects, and it was a post or two at the most. 

ive been frustrated with previous movies too, but ive kept my trap shut, ive just gone on, kept my queue stocked, giffed the rare set and hid behind pretty solid content, no drama, not personality, no engagement. 

and it’s not too bad, to just be anonymous, to look at the pretty, spread the pretty, do the occasional tag rant, and let that be it. 

but.

when i came back after a long hiatus last autumn i started writing again. i posted a psa where i apologised for the fact that i would reblog my writing on this blog, i informed what tags i was gonna use, and for the first time i actually checked my follower count before and after. i lost 20 followers the first day. for posting writing. my writing. that was tagged to a ridiculous degree. and i saw a fair few more disappear before the exodus, and idk. i made me realise a thing or two.

one, people like my blog and the content i post

two, they’re only here for that content

three, to have a strictly themed blog will limit you horribly

four, my followers in general don’t give a shit about me, only about the content i post, which fair enough

five, i care about that, even if i don’t care about the follower count as such, i do care that the ones i have actually like me

six, which is completely absurd bc none of them knows me at all, i never show myself

but that was then. this is now. and the last weeks has made me realise the most important thing of all, i dont care any more. why the fuck should i? when my showing any kind of negativity about something that i did care a whole lot about but i no longer have?

endgame might have killed all my enthusiasm for the mcu, and it fucking hurts. it’s been a staple in my life for years, ive invested my time, my creativity, my love and my goddamn money, and ive got jack shit to show for it. i have a blog that i used to love, but is becoming alien to me, and that hurts too. ive invested a lot in this blog too, after i deleted a few of my other blogs a couple of years back, this is by far my biggest one. and im torn tbh. 

do i want to leave it? no, i don’t. can i go back? honestly? i doubt it. if my love for the mcu is gone, well so is bucky. and lets be real, a sebastian stan blog with no bucky? i cannot really see it, can you?

but hey. ill make you a deal, all of you. ill ease up on the memes, i won’t stop bc i have a few scheduled, you guys blacklist or unfollow if you dont want to see them, and ill see about sprinkling in some sebastian content if i can find any i deem worth it. 

also i don’t have any close irl friends to air my frustrations with, everyone here loved this crap, and that’s not really the discourse im looking for. but im happy for you, it sounds nice :)

hope you’re having a great day! 

eta: i won’t leave btw. not unless the porn hub thing comes into fruition. just so you know, and if anyone cares. just sayin. 

eta2: also? the fact that i, or we, are complaining and being pissed at the movie, but the opposition are attacking us for doing that? instead of, again, fucking blacklist and leave us the fuck alone? yeah, doesn’t help with the bitter. if y’all are so threatened by our arguments, maybe you should reevaluate your own, seems you’re trying a bit too hard there. i don’t want to take enjoyment from anyone, i envy you too much for that, but ffs, just leave me the fuck alone to deal with it. (that’s not @ you, that’s to them)

eta3: and thank you for saying im someone you like. but see? ive been trolling you all, im terrible. and i expect you don’t like me as much now anyways. but thank you, it was nice to hear nevertheless.

[sserpente]

Christmas Requests open! ☃️🎄

Heyho there my lovelies! It’s time again! The greatest time of the year! I’m in a Christmassy mood already, are you? Now let’s celebrate together. Send me some Christmas and/or winter themed prompts with our beloved characters and I’ll write as many as I can as soon as I get back home (which is mid-December).

If you would like to send in a request (please, don’t be shy!), send me an ask. If it’s too long, simply split it!

Here’s the list of characters I write for:

Kylo Ren (Star Wars)

General Hux (Star Wars)

Captain Boomerang (Suicide Squad)

Harley Quinn (Suicide Squad)

Eric (Divergent)

Loki (Thor/The Avengers)

Newt Scamander (Fantastic Beasts)

Adam (Only Lovers Left Alive)

Captain James Conrad (Kong: Skull Island)

Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)

Ragnar Lothbrok (Vikings) ATTENTION: I’ve only seen two seasons thus far. If you want to request something with Ragnar, please make sure not to include any spoilers!

Jonathan Pine (The Night Manager)

Thomas Sharpe (Crimson Peak)

Just one thing: Please make sure to read my FAQ before sending me a prompt. I only have a couple of rules but I really would appreciate if you considered them before submitting. For those on mobile, you’ll find the most important questions below the cut:

What do you write? I’ve been a passionate fanfiction writer for more than seven years. Thus, I write stories with my own OCs. Other than that, I write Imagines with (female) reader inserts only. I don’t do personalised Imagines, Imagines with “real” people (like Tom Hiddleston) or songfics.

Something you should know is that I don’t particularly enjoy writing about RC having children, being a mother (unless you count animals because I’m a proud cat mummy), or being a child. Suicide and self-harm are a no-go for me, as are gore and romanticised rape. Other than that, I barely write AU’s that take place outside the actual movie/book universe (so, vampire!Loki is fine but barista!Loki without his powers in a world in which the Avengers don’t exist isn’t really my thing).

Do you take requests? I do! If you want to send in a prompt/an idea, however, please check the description of my blog before doing so to make sure requests are open. Requests that I receive while they are closed get deleted, with only very few exceptions.

Please keep in mind: Given that with more than 11k followers, I get up to 100+ prompts at once, I choose those I like the most and/or inspire me to write something–it is, unfortunately, impossible to write them all. I also like to combine requests that work together well to work in more of my reader’s ideas.

So what should I request? Basically, anything you want. Don’t hesitate just because you think your request is not good enough or weird! If you’re still uncomfortable though, you can send it anonymously as well. Please be aware that I only write what I am personally comfortable with. If I feel like I can’t make anything of your request, if I have already read/written something too similar or if it addresses something that is triggering for me, please don’t be upset if I delete it. That, of course, doesn’t mean your request sucks but I want to write stories I actually enjoy writing to please both my readers and myself.

Do NOT (and trust me, I see everything) send the exact same request you’ve sent to me to other writers as well, for I think that is rude and disrespectful. Should you do so, I’ll simply delete your request(s). If you want me to write something for you, that’s great and I’m flattered but if you send me a prompt, you either want me to write it for you or you don’t want it at all. It’s as simple as that.

Where do I request? I collect all requests in my inbox. You can always chat me up but given I receive quite a lot of messages, it’s hard to keep track. So, to make sure I receive it, just drop an ask!

How do you let people know that you’ve written/deleted their requests? If the request was anonymous, all I can do is put a note at the beginning of the story and thus make everybody aware that it was a request. I don’t copy the prompts to insert in the Imagine. If the person came off-anon, I tag them to let them know it was posted.

If I choose not to write your request because of one of the above named reasons, I will not publish your ask but simply delete it. It would be mean to answer something like “there’s no way in hell I will write this” and I certainly don’t want to show anybody up. However, if you’ve been waiting for a request to be written for a long time already, feel free to ask me about it and I will, if you prefer it that way, answer you privately.

Do you tag people in your Imagines? / Do you have a taglist? No sorry, I only tag the person who requested. I don’t make exceptions, for tagging is a lot of work and I prefer to spend that time writing. Just follow me and you’ll see all my new stuff on your Dashboard at all times, or even better, hit that notification button! ;-)

Would you also write about a different character if requested? That depends on the character and the request. You might have noticed that I am mostly into bad guys and villains, so you can’t expect me to write happy unicorn fluff with the world’s nicest super hero.

Anyway, you can always ask but please don’t be disappointed if I decline. Naturally, I don’t write about characters from movies/tv shows/books I don’t know, neither do I write about characters that I personally don’t like.

Do you write smut? Yes, I do. ;-)

Do you do roleplay? No, I don’t, sorry.

[enaasteria]

Answered Asks // 2

Under the cut~~~

Anonymous said to enaasteria: April 15th 2017, 9:14:00 pm · 6 months ago Ok, don't answer to this because I will not see it anyway. I was @jamlesspyo and I say was because when you'll see this my blog will already be deleted, personnal reasons. So I want to tell that you are one of the most amazing writer I had the chance to read a story of. You are also the sweetest person so thank you so much. I hope that one you will have enough confidence in yourself because you deserve it so much. Love you and stay healthy

I will answer this bc you might come back and I’ll def miss you. Thank you for all your warm encouragement and help throughout my struggles and I couldn’t have asked for a better reader/friend. Miss you and wishing you all the best!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: April 20th 2017, 10:59:00 pm · 6 months ago you might not read this for awhile and when you do you don't have to reply, but i just wanted to tell you that all of your writing here is beautiful and amazing! finishing your story is so worth waiting for and i can't wait to read the ending! thank you for sharing your writing!

You might not think this after you read chapter 16. It’s a kind of flargh chapter but needed to be in there so T_____T I’m kinda nervous about it but hopes everyone enjoys and feel it was worth the wait.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: April 23rd 2017, 1:14:00 am · 5 months ago Freaking heck, you are an amazing and professional writer!!! I'm reading through Apartment 5108 now and I can't think of words even close to satisfactory enough to compliment your writing!! All the best for your writing and future endeavours! :)

Ahhhhhh you are too kind to me. Thank you so much for reading and no worries. please don’t stress over what to write or compliments because I enjoy any kind of feedback tbh. Spazz messages are the best!

@sassyunicorns2​ said to enaasteria: May 11th 2017, 8:31:00 am · 5 months ago I won't lose hope! I know you can do it, because you are an amazing writter and you always have great ideas!!! I am here in the other part of the world cheering for you! 🙌 FIGHTING!! 💪👊 P.S.: I'm sorry for the errors.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you so much for your continued support. It means so much to me and I’m so glad you love this story!

@whosexo​ said to enaasteria: May 11th 2017, 3:57:00 pm · 5 months ago SEND 💖 THIS 💖 TO 💖 THE 💖 FIFTEEN 💖 NICEST 💖 PEOPLE 💖 ON 💖 TUMBLR 💖 IF 💖 YOU 💖 GET 💖 5 💖 BACK 💖 YOU 💖 MUST 💖 BE 💖 PERFECT 💖 Miss you hope you're doing amazing!!

No words can amount to how much i love you too! I apologize for my year long disappearance. I’m a terrible person. UGH. But I shall blame it on work and daily stress. T___T Hope you are well too, love!

@dream-exo-fantasy said to enaasteria: May 11th 2017, 3:58:00 pm · 5 months ago SEND 💖 THIS 💖 TO 💖 THE 💖 FIFTEEN 💖 NICEST 💖 PEOPLE 💖 ON 💖 TUMBLR 💖 IF 💖 YOU 💖 GET 💖 5 💖 BACK 💖 YOU 💖 MUST 💖 BE 💖 PERFECT 💖 (A side message: I hope you're not stressing too much about writing. Take your time and stay healthy 💕)

You are the sweetest and thank you so much. 2017 was unfortunately the most stress filled year i’ve ever experienced but hopefully the latter end will treat us all better, yeah? T.T

Anonymous said to enaasteria: May 12th 2017, 1:46:00 am · 5 months ago wah yay! okay take your time! i (and many others) can't wait to see your masterpiece! 💕

Love you!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: May 20th 2017, 12:32:00 am · 5 months ago So I was wondering did ahri told sehun about what happened to her while sehun went after jiyul like she drank the juice and was taken to hospital or did sehun already knew or anyone told him bc I think you didn't mention that?..

Soi definitely told him---actually her wrath probably yelled at him and was infuriated with his poor actions. he probably got scolded by everyone tbh.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: May 29th 2017, 6:07:00 pm · 4 months ago Youre probably busy with apartment 5108 but i really hope you do come back to keepers! Chapter 1 left me on edge and im still eagerly waiting for the next part!! Much love sent your way❤️❤️❤️

I CANT WAIT FOR KEEPERS. I want to write it two ways but I might just do two endings bc I’m a sap and a total angst fest lol

Anonymous said to enaasteria: June 5th 2017, 8:41:00 pm · 4 months ago enaaaaaaa i miss yoooooouuuuuuuuu ):<

I MISS YOU TOOOOOOOOOOOO

@unsungthoughts said to enaasteria: June 5th 2017, 9:19:00 pm · 4 months ago Apartment 5108. I'm beyond in love w this story! I was so into the story to the point where I could literally feel everything, the emotion esp. It is truly an amazing piece of writing. I'm new here (since yesterday and just finished 5min ago) --cont.cont.-- and yet to explore ur other stories, which I will definitely do cz I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH 💕

You make me blush! I’m so happy you enjoyed this story and I’m glad it made you feel things. I hope 16 treats you well and that you’re having a great time on tumblr! welcome, welcome. AND I LOVE YOU TOO

Anonymous said to enaasteria: June 15th 2017, 11:47:00 pm · 4 months ago power through love! you got this! 👏🏽👏🏽

I was jamming to POWER as I wrote this chapter. Lord knows I needed the help. orz

Anonymous said to enaasteria: June 23rd 2017, 2:25:00 pm · 3 months ago this is kinda random but Charlie puth's Attention reminds me of Red 😅

Imma go listen to this and add it to the playlist! TY ANON!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: June 24th 2017, 11:31:00 pm · 3 months ago ena, i just wish you can fathom 1/16 of the greatness you've omitted onto the exo fandom. you're writing is absolute perfection. fandom writers are just not appreciated enough! you're art is just as important than the art exo creates. you are able to create a story and a character. just think about that. a person and their life. real or not, you've created a character all of us can relate to in one way or another. i hope you keep finding joy in what you do and never lose this passion. 🌺

I remember reading this message 3 months ago and it made me want to cry. Thank you so much for your kind words and thank you for appreciating fanfiction as an art form. I think this writing is such a lost art and people don’t appreciate the time and effort going into a story. But reading this made it so worth it and thank you so much for your kindness!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: July 7th 2017, 7:22:00 am · 3 months ago Omg i just followed you now bcs of apartment 5108 and others too. Geez why i havent discovered you then?! Seriously for me its really hard to find fanfic that matches with my reading style gosh its pretty damn well written and you succesfully made me feel like im the character. You mess my feeling hun'. You did it. Seriously youre one of the best writer i ever known in tumblr. Im looking forward to ch 16 and others too. I hope u doing well!!!! Lots of love from your lovely reader💛

Thank you so much for your kind words! It’s such a huge compliment to see you hold my writing to such a high regard and I hope this next chapter doesn’t disappoint. I’m so glad you like it and please let me know what you think of the rest of the chaps!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: July 7th 2017, 12:45:00 pm · 3 months ago I've been following you for about a year now and DAMN HOW I LOVE YOU. Its been a year since you last updated Apartment 5108 but you still log in to check on your fans. Writers block is an ass but all you need is some inspiration and then you'll be firing away with the Seahri feels. or Ahrun feels. However you decide to ship them. Also Chanyeol is my fav and the fic you wrote called Two killsss meee. THANK YOU! Also, I'm Egyptian. Pretty cool knowing you have international readers eh?

I’m so sorry you’ve had to wait so long for a chapter!!! It’s so amazing how there are international people reading this and I can’t thank you enough for your kindness and also for sending me this comment but ALSO SEAHRI. LIKE THIS KILLS ME AND ITS SO CUTE AND ADORABLE.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: July 7th 2017, 1:56:00 pm · 3 months ago Hey Ena! Just wanted to tell you that I literally open your page every single day (its been 3 months LOL) , just to check if there's any update for apt5108, no rush but that just show how much i adore your work, i just freakin' love your story! I never felt so desperate waiting for the next chapter.. but I believe good things take a long time, and I believe your work could be one of the good things, even better the best thing!! Love, Your biggest fan💕

IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT. I don’t know what to say other than this year has been a mess and a true struggle but I dearly wanted to write this chapter and forced myself to do it and post today. I’m so sorry if it wasn’t worth the wait but hopefully it’s a good continuation to their story T____T

@sehun---addict said to enaasteria: July 20th 2017, 10:07:00 pm · 3 months ago Personally i would rather wait until you finish the story and post it in one go bcs waiting game for each chap is pure torture . Much love♡

I wish I could’ve posted it all but 16 nearly killed me to just finish so I hope this is a good chapter to hold you off until 17 T___T

Anonymous said to enaasteria: July 20th 2017, 10:14:00 pm · 3 months ago In reference to your tag in the previous ask- I think posting the chapters as you finish them would be preferable for me. That way I wouldn't have to wait as long for another update? But I'm wondering if writing it all and posting it generally at one point would be easier on you, so that it could kind of be one and done. Either way, I appreciate you taking the time to write this story! You are so incredibly talented and I find it so kind that you take time out of your day to write.

16 is going up soon. I hope you enjoy it and I’m so sorry for the wait. Thank you for your patience and I hope you read with low expectations because I’m a bit nervous about this chapter. It’s excruciatingly long T.T

Anonymous said to enaasteria: July 20th 2017, 11:46:00 pm · 3 months ago please post 16 when it's finished! that way we can have a new chapter at a time to enjoy!

It’s going up!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: July 23rd 2017, 4:47:00 am · 2 months ago I know I'm late but about the end of appartment 5018 I'm really curious about Polaris. Will it be build ? Will it be insignifiant ? I really like it so yeah that's what I'm most curious about :)

This will be addressed in 17! :D

Anonymous said to enaasteria: August 2nd 2017, 9:53:00 pm · 2 months ago same anon who recommended moondust~~ i have another one for you ena ^^ it's the house we never built by gabrielle alpine <3 best of luck on the story!

Imma check this out after I answer these messages and add it to my playlist! Thank you so much!

@yoruu-gen said to enaasteria: August 21st 2017, 1:01:00 pm · a month ago Happy Fanfic Writers Appreciation Day to my most favorite fanfic author in existence ❤ Apt 5108 is by far the best thing I've read on this website and I look forward to continue stalking your Google Docs 👀 I'm so thankful that you pulled me out of the writer's block abyss and I hope I won't disappoint in the future lol. Thanks for always being such a great friend and for always dying with me about our biases 😅 Love u lots~~

YOUUUUUU. I LOVE YOU. I also thank you so much for helping me with this chapter. You are such an inspiration and I know you feel like you’re not that great of a writer but honestly---you are one of the two I really, truly, look up to on this platform. I always enjoy your words, your stories, YOUR STRUGGLES with your biases but also so thankful for your friendship. 

Anonymous said to enaasteria: August 26th 2017, 9:36:00 am · a month ago Red is my favorite fic and it impacted me so much in a way i can only be thankful. Getting away of a one-side love relationship was really a big choice i should have made before but it's really scary to do so. Reading Red helped me aknowledge what i was doing to myself after denying it for too long and i finally decided to take care of myself for once. So i'm thankful because your amazing way of using words helped me realize i should do what's better for me and no one else. Take care of yourself

Red is honestly one of my favorites too. It was so easy to write (compared to apt) hahaha and although Sehun wasn’t a good character in it, I enjoyed the progression of how real the characters were? Like---this happens in real life and not all things end happily with rainbows and butterflies. It is a struggle to see a person go through something like this but it’s also a testament to their character and their willpower to walk away from it and say when they’ve had enough. I hope you’re doing well, anon.

[discoursedumpster]

tw: child sexual abuse, rape, emotional abuse, suicide-baiting, transmisogyny 

I never do call-outs ‘cause they take forever, but this has to stop. 

@sleepdontvisit claims they’re on a campaign to root out “inclusionist pedophiles and pedophile apologists.” 

Instead, they almost exclusively target bi trans sexual abuse survivors, frequently flat-out lying about what those survivors have said. 

(In their whole call-out list, there’s only two people who aren’t trans. And the cis people only get called out for supporting “pedophile apologists,” they aren’t calling the cis people pedophiles.)

They consistently link to receipts that don’t support their statements, knowing that people won’t click through and read all that. 

Many of their call-outs have hundreds of notes, and have goaded exclusionists and even some inclusionists into sending anon hate, suicide-baiting, and death threats to inclusionists who are bi trans sexual abuse survivors. 

It’s not a coincidence that bi and trans people (especially trans women) are the ones that are most frequently stereotyped as sexual predators, in both the gay and straight communities. 

(DID U KNOW: Part of the reason that the acronym wasn’t “LGB” till the early 90s was that radical lesbians said bi men shouldn’t be allowed at Pride because they were rapists.) 

It might be relevant that sleepdontvisit seems to be very biphobic, saying things like, “Why are literally all of the big bisexual bloggers literally the most cringeworthy people I have ever encountered?”

there are two lesbians on their list, out of all the bi people. 

they’re both trans women. 

And now they’ve begun going around harassing trans inclusionist survivors who haven’t heard of their campaign, by implying that they’re “pedophile apologists” too if they haven’t called out these people yet. Or if they say that it’s not okay to call CSA survivors “pedophile apologists.” 

They guilt-trip and threaten anyone who won’t help them in their smear campaign, even discoursers who are calling out individual people already. They are goading exclusionists to harass these people. One of their victims has already deleted, that I know of. 

When one survivor called them out for things like posting content about pedophilia in the ace positivity tag, their response was to go through that person’s blog and list everyone they’d reblogged from who themselves had ever reblogged from one of the people on the list. Which may have been well-intended but comes off as intensely harassing. 

And then they falsely claimed that "ace/aro minors… are being told by adults that it’s ‘normal’ for children to be sexual, so it’s important for them to identify as asexual.”

(That person even said “If you’d like, I can give you a list of exclusionists that none of you are no-platforming (and one of which went hand-in-hand with discourseprincesa and doing just as much harm but is still being defended)” and instead of taking the information, they ignored it, and instead tagged another post to boast that inclusionists ignore callouts but exclusionists call out all their TERFs. I know for sure that one isn’t true, @allosexisterfs​ is mine and it contains a list of about 250 exclusionist TERFs, that sleepdontvisit hasn’t said a word about that I know of. BUT ANYWAY) 

If you care about survivors, please spread the word to no-platform sleepdontvisit, and to stop spreading their lies. 

This is loooooooooong because they have been targeting so many people. 

I will try to make it easy to read. 

I’m going to list each person separately, link to the receipt(s), and show why the person isn’t a “pedophile apologist”. In no particular order: 

memestealingasexual:

They are targeting biromantic, bi/demisexual, agender memestealingasexual/@thegenderlessbisexual​/@justqueerthoughts​/ @thekidsalreadyknow​ for supposedly associating with pedophile apologists. 

(This is one of only a couple people on the list where I don’t know if they’re a survivor. It’s none of anyone’s business obviously, it’s just that everyone else involved blogs very openly about being a survivor. And that’s important because they’re trying to sell the entire thing as being pro-survivor, when it actually involves attacking survivors.)

Their only receipt for this is that memestealingasexual talked to someone on Twitter who had also, in a separate conversation, told sleepdontvisit that some survivors look at loli stuff because they identify with it, instead of looking at it in a sexual way. 

Then they call this “a nice web of every big inclusive blog supporting and promoting pedophiles who consume child porn lmao!” 

robotbisexual (formerly theangrybi):

They are targeting bi trans and intersex CSA survivor @robotbisexual as a pedophile apologist. Their only receipt for it: an old call-out post where robotbisexual/theangrybi said “@leavesurvivorsalone is so fucking violent that without a single fucking example other than the fact that I think they’re violent, they come to me (a CSA survivor) and scream that I’m a pedophilia advocate… Also as a warning: they are apparently mobbing and viciously abusing and wishing harm on anyone who reblogs this post. Especially if you’re a CSA survivor. Please be careful.“ 

If you’re re-reading that, trying to figure out how robotbisexual became a “pedophile apologist” for saying that this person had "started a campaign to call everyone who disagrees with you (including multiple CSA survivors) ‘pedophilia supporters’”?/???????????????… don’t worry, so am I. 

wetwareproblem:

They are targeting bi trans woman CSA survivor @wetwareproblem because she responded to the claim of “pedophile apologist” by musing, “Hey, remember that time you faced off against half a dozen guys larger than you, while they were surrounding you and threatening to beat the shit out of you, because you were protesting in an attempt to have child rapists and pornographers charged and convicted? Good times.” 

They called this a “frankly irrelevant sob story” and said, “We get it, you’re the greatest martyr to ever martyr because you posted an unverifiable story on the internet where you’re completely anonymous.” 

Then they called her a pedophile apologist just for (allegedly) saying that pedophilia, which is in the DSM, was a mental illness. And followed it up with a list of demands, implying that if she doesn’t meet their demands to help them in their campaign, they will continue to target her for harassment too. 

rainfelt: 

She’s cis, but she’s still a bi non-CSA abuse survivor. They explicitly target @rainfelt​ solely because she defended one other person on this list. Their only receipt on her is her saying, “[People who believe sleepdontvisit] are losing a fantastic resource, and they’re losing it because they made the mistake of trusting [sleepdontvisit]. Which, one can’t help feeling, was exactly the plan.” 

socialjusticeichigo:

A multiromantic, ace, genderfluid blogger. The only receipt on them: they reblogged a post rebutting one of sleepdontvisit’s callouts. 

The rebuttal said things like “As a sexual abuse survivor who has worked in the mental health field, I have a really big problem with people pointing at sexual abuse survivors who explicitly state (as in the luchagcaileag link above!) that they have zero attraction to children and feel physically nauseous at the idea of exposing children to anything sexual, and that they have kinks that are obvious responses to their sexual abuse that they are using to try to heal from their sexual abuse, and saying ‘THIS PERSON WANTS TO RAPE KIDS AND ANYONE DEFENDING THEM IS JUST AS BAD.’”

They even pointed out that “everyone you are calling a pedophile apologist, or a pedophile, is a fucking sexual abuse survivor who is fighting pedophilia and child sexual abuse.”

This is not an example of @socialjusticeichigo being a “pedophile apologist.” 

But it does have an example of sleepdontvisit lying about what people are saying, in the rebuttal. (the lie: ”they’re literally saying ‘enjoy[ing] art of adults fucking children is just content people ASSOCIATE with pedophiles, they’re not actually pedophiles!! :)’”)

evilguacamole: 

Same exact thing actually, for @evilguacamole, except this blogger appears to be a cis bi guy. The sole receipt: that he reblogged that same rebuttal. 

This is starting to look like a personal vendetta. 

periegesisvoid/golbatgender:

Bi/trans/aro survivor and one of the people being targeted the most often by exclusionists.

This one is especially messed up. The first receipt is @periegesisvoid​ noting that they’re being harassed by @bipeoplearentyourpawns​, who then reblogs it to make fun of them. (And to implicitly acknowledge the other thing in the post, which is that bipeoplearentyourpawns suicide-baited @luchagcaileag​.)  

But of course that’s not what the receipt is for; I haven’t seen any exclusionists call out bipeoplearentyourpawns for consistent harassment and suicide-baiting. No, it’s somehow trying to claim that the problem here is… that this somehow implies that periegesisvoid is a pedophile apologist?? 

The second receipt is periegesisvoid suggesting to luchagcaileag that she should turn off anon, because of that same suicide-baiting. 

(The suicide-baiting isn’t just bipeoplearentyourpawns. It also comes from sleepdontvisit’s call-out efforts.) 

The third receipt is from periegesisvoid’s discourse sideblog, @golbatgender​. It’s a reblog of a list of variations on radfem rhetoric, such as SWERFs vs TWERFs, and the different positions each group holds. 

It points out that radfems like to say that all sex work is rape, that porn is rape, that prostitutes should be shot, that all kink is rape and abuse and pedophilia, that doms should be shot, and that all “Bad Ships” (ships that portray abuse) are rape and abuse and incest and pedophilia, and that “Bad Shippers” should kill themselves. 

This is still not pedophilia apologism. Saying that people make huge negative generalizations about sex work, porn, and “Bad Ships” is not saying that pedophilia, or even sexual abuse, are okay. 

vergess/intersex-ionality:

Another of their trans bi and intersex sexual abuse survivor targets, @vergess/@intersex-ionality, has already left tumblr after months of continuous targeted emotional abuse, from exclusionists trying to claim they were a “pedophile apologist.” Including suicide-baiting and death threats. 

sleepdontvisit clearly hasn’t noticed they’re gone, and continues to direct harassment their way. The receipts they link to explicitly call vergess a “pedophile apologist” for saying that it’s important to include not just pedophilia (technically just attraction to children), but ephebophilia (attraction to teens) in the definition of a "minor attracted person”. 

And for saying things like “if you can’t stop looking at [fictional and/or consensual sexual content], you are trapped in a cycle of self harm, and need to get outside help from parents, partners or doctors.”

They also specifically target them for statements like “Not all kink is sexual. Claiming that is a form of hypersexualization. Stop doing it.” How that is “pedophile apologism” is beyond me.

The same receipts also try to call them a “pedophile apologist” for saying that it’s possible to be a non-offending pedophile and to deserve to live, and for talking about how their abusers were not pedophiles, but were abusers who were looking for easy prey in the form of children. 

I understand why a lot of people don’t think anyone with pedophilic disorder deserves to live. 

What is unacceptable is that people who don’t believe non-offending pedophiles deserve to live are instead attacking survivors who say they do, and trying to get those survivors to kill themselves. 

If you do this, you can’t claim you are supporting survivors. Telling people to kill themselves, and even just sending anon hate, is emotional abuse. It is not okay to abuse survivors and pretend you’re defending them. 

courteousmingler:

According to their receipts, trans lesbian survivor @courteousmingler is a pedophile apologist for saying “as a victim of CSA myself, it makes me deeply uncomfortable that you see a cartoon depiction of a young girl and choose to immediately interpret it sexually. those images are of young girls singing, dancing, and having fun with one another in large poofy dresses- you projecting sexual themes onto those images is your decision, and it’s a disgusting one.” 

They also try to get her for, in their words, just “interacting” with someone who they happen to know has a shota/loli porn sideblog. The interaction is that person complimenting @courteousmingler on a long post, and her saying thank you. 

I guess if she didn’t want to be called a “pedophile apologist,” when someone complimented her she should have stopped and done some serious digging to see if she should even acknowledge them. Trans survivors, take note! 

(Interestingly, they also attack her for allegedly “target[ing] survivors to discredit them”. Which seems like total projection because that’s exactly what their entire campaign is.)

feminismandmedia:

Almost all of their mods are out sexual abuse survivors and about half of them are trans. sleepdontvisit is targeting all of them as a group, but especially singling out Bethany, (@bigballofwibblywobbly), one of the other two cis bi survivor on this list. Because when they told her she was still reblogging from “a lot of blogs associated with pedophiles,” and gave her receipts, she didn’t stop. As you can see from this post their receipts don’t demonstrate that people are associated with pedophiles???????

justonepurpose:

Their only receipt for this aspec trans blogger is that an anon said @justonepurpose “told Mod Des to just ignore being called a pedo apologist bc ‘im called that for being an inclusionist’”. No link to that, and no evidence for them actually being a pedophile apologist.

rey-is-ace-rey-is-aro: 

A, I think, quoiromantic or biromantic trans ace survivor. The only thing related to pedophilia in their receipt is that they reblogged something where @antiantis-saltmine said that “Drawing or writing anything involving minors and relatives, no matter how sexual, is completely legal as long as the characters are fictional.“ 

That sounds really bad, right? Unless you keep reading and see that they’re specifically talking about people attacking minors/survivors. And that that’s the entire point of @antiantis-saltmine: that CSA survivors get harassed and called pedophiles for reading about their own experiences. 

And, if you look at what else @rey-is-ace-rey-is-aro​ has to say about it, you might see their post about "antis” sending “actual live child-porn of real people to artists/CSA Survivors.” 

That’s what they’re responding to.  

luchagcaileag:

This is the one person that they manage to call out as actually reblogging child porn.

Their call-outs of @luchagcaileag​ are still problematic: they assume that several tags that don’t have child porn in them do, without checking. They list the statistics for sexual assault in the LGBT community and blame trans abuse survivors for those sexual assault rates, and then call them “freaks”.

But the main problem is that even if you don’t understand that a trans lesbian CSA survivor can reblog child porn to vent and have “No interest to speak of in actual children, though, which is something I’m glad for”… even if you think that she’s just a pedophile in denial…

the result of sleepdontvisit’s callouts is NOT that people are reporting or blocking this person, it’s that they’re sending messages like “trans girl who likes lolicon = naw your just a greasy man pretended to be a woman so people will excuse your pedophilia,” “I hope someone rapes you to death,” and “🔪Slit ya wrists ho🔪”.

This is the kind of thing the survivors on this list are getting from people buying into sleepdontvisit’s campaign. En masse.

tirediscourse:

@tirediscourse is a cis bi grey-ace non-csa abuse survivor. The only receipt for her shows that she’s on the “pedophile apologist” list because… she believes it’s possible for non-offending pedophiles to exist, and she doesn’t want to follow someone who doesn’t believe that and who says that it’s not okay for survivors to read fic about their experiences.

antiantis-saltmine:

This entire blog is run by 5 sexual abuse survivors, three of whom are out as both trans and bi/pan I believe. The receipt on them has them supporting a sexual abuse survivor, who doesn’t experience sexual attraction to anyone, who reads stories about rape and child sexual abuse because it resonates with their experiences, and is upset that they get pressured to repeatedly come out as a survivor if they don’t want to be harassed about it. 

It also seems as usual to be targeting them for saying that non-offending pedophiles can exist, and that pedophilia is a mental illness. And for saying that if a character is a pedophile in canon it’s okay to say that character is a pedophile, which is hardly a ringing endorsement. 

Again, do not attack sexual abuse survivors who think pedophilia is a mental illness. Attacking survivors for thinking pedophilia is a mental illness only hurts SURVIVORS. 

tenitchyfingers: 

A possibly-cis aroace trauma survivor. The receipt says they “think pedo jokes are funny.” It links to a single “pedobear joke” post, where in the notes @tenitchyfingers says, “Pedobear was not a joke at the expense of CSA victims, it was at the expense of pedophiles and the concept of pedophilia itself.” 

Then it says they support “shipping minors with adults,” but the only receipt it gives for that is a reblog of a survivor shipping a character who’s minor in canon solely as an adult. 

vaspider:

Another bi trans abuse survivor. This one was mentioned in a separate post, and didn’t make it to the new call-out list. Maybe because their only receipt was that @vaspider​ liked a post where @autismserenity​ said “It’s okay to unfollow me”.

This is purely an attempt to create an atmosphere of fear among inclusionists, and especially among survivors: “watch out whose posts you like, or you’ll end up on my list getting suicide-baited!”

repstar3:

A self-identified pedophile who is not involved in ace discourse and has been consistently attacked by both sides.

autismserenity:

The reason that repstar3 is on the list. This bi trans abuse survivor first made the list of “pedophile apologists” for pointing out the months-long trend of exclusionists calling trans CSA survivor inclusionists “pedophile apologists,” which sleepdontvisit has now intentionally brought to a boiling point.

Next it was for explaining the difference between how an abuse survivor engages with child porn, and how a pedophile does.

Then they really screwed up: repstar3 told them that child porn had been how he’d kept himself from abusing anyone in person before he got into treatment, and they believed him. It emerged that of course, he was sending nudes to minors who asked for them, as young as 14. On the other hand, autismserenity wrote several thorough posts about why this was not okay, deleted repstar3′s posts, and apologized to a survivor who felt they were being spoken over.

Most recently, it was for reblogging a post that debunked a callout post for @roachpatrol (who as far as I know isn’t involved in the discourse). I’m not sure how this is supposed to be pedophilia apologism, since the callout was debunked.

in conclusion: 

sleepdontvisit’s call-out campaign is incredibly harmful to CSA survivors, and is blatantly targeting the bi and trans communities, people who are already smeared as predators. 

It’s blatantly trying to play on people’s underlying belief that these groups are predatory. It’s deliberately encouraging people to harass and abuse survivors, in the hopes of silencing bi and trans discoursers and discrediting inclusionists. And it’s full of lies. 

[stayreal69-blog1]

What is love? Baby I know you're going to hurt me, just make sure its my feelings, not my face, fix them, and don't leave me, no more.

Fuck! Shit Fuck! I realize that may be a strange way to start a blog about love but apparently the universe didn't like that shit ton of stuff I had written before that exact moments I started this because it got deleted while I was changing the song I was listening too so, I guess I'll try this again.

Love. What just popped into your head when you read that word "love?" Do you see yourself and someone else, 30 years down the road, still laughing and fucking like teenagers? That's one of the "scenarios" I picture. My question is, who is that someone to you? When you visualize kissing the "love of your life" who do you see yourself kissing? The person you're in a relationship with currently? Someone you've been with in the past? Can you even tell? Can you put a name to that face?

Personally, my whole life up until, fairley recently, I'd say, I don't think I could ever give a definitive answer to that question, because any time I woud visualize "love" I could never te who the person in the visualization was. I could see there was definitely someone there, had general feminine features, but never a clear face. A few times I thought something was kinda strange about that. I mean, I've been "in love" with, all...4?🤔 That's probably not good that I don't remember exactly how many people I've ever been "in love" is it? When I think back I've been in extended (8 months+ in this case) relationships with 4 different girls. Three of those were continuously running engagements that had one "official" beginning and one "official", and always terrible, ending. The 4th(4th in the order I mentioned them in this post not necessarily 4th in real life) was off and on. A few months of fun, two significantly less fun weeks, two very shitty weeks, one terrible fucking day, a year or more of only seeing each other in passing if at all, and then it would start form the beginning again. I may be the only one that's experienced something similar to that but I sense I'm not alone in this particular stressful fucking scenario. Well other than the one other person I know for sure has been. Anyway, when I was in each of those relationships, I was absolutely positive I was "in love" with the other person, at the time. I know very much so that I've ever only really LOVED, one and I didn't know that until recently when I saw her face when I visualized who I wanted to have old geezer sex with before getting stoned on space cake and going to the park to yell at ducks and feed the kids.🤔🙄👌😀 So I started thinking, why did I "know" I was "in love" with any of them? They all said they were "in love" with me at the time, and I'm almost positive at least three wouldn't say that now, and unfortunately I'm starting to think the fourth one wouldn't either, but that's not the point. I wanted to know why we would tell each other we loved each other but really only stayed together as long as we did because we knew the other one did that "thing" that made out toes curl up when we were naked. Why is that?

Is anyone still with me here? I gunna keep going either way. Why would two people that, at least at one point in time, looked each other in the eye and said the words "I love you," because they believed they really did, put each other, and themselves, through months, sometimes even years of absolute misery? That's insane, right? Like literally fucking insane, by definition.(look it up)

This revaluation lead me to a string of rather, extremely depressing thoughts that eventually lead to a pretty simple conclusion. People just like to fuck. We all LOVE fucking, and we can all pretty much agree that the general preference is to fuck another person, specifically an attractive one. Attractive. 🤔 What does that mean exactly? If you were to ask 100 different people desrice their "ideal mate" without any risk of judgement, anonymously perhaps, you would get 100 different answers. Sure there would be some general similarities but my mind would explode there were two answers exactly the same. I've looked into this. From time to time I like to see what kind of ridiculously random shit the users of a certain anonymous forum site come up with to share with that small piece of the world. If one were to visit one of the boards on this site they would likely come across what's known as the "Ideal Mate Thread." I think you can make the connection. My point is when we look at someone we find "attractive" why does that "feel" different that when we look at anyone else? Anyone? I'm not sure how it works for anyone else but when I look at someone I find attractive, the little voice in my head just says "damn I gotta get me some of that" and I just say "fucking right I do!" and go act increasingly more awkward around them until I just laugh and walk away while the voice in my head calls me a "fucking idiot" like 17 different ways. What made me agree with that little voice? I can't really say why, other than, it's never lied to me before, especially when it comes to predicting how hot someone would look naked. Unfortunately I haven't been able to confirm those predictions on every person they've been made about, but of all the times I've had the opportunity to make the confrontation, I can't think of one time I've been let down. What makes that voice so smart though? Why does it know what I like? Because IT is ME. I can't say why WE (the collective of Me and IT) like what We like, We just do.

Its only natural that when we get the opportunity to have consensual coitus with someone we found attractive, if said coitus happens to be particularly fucking amazing for, whatever reason that may be. For me its usually when the person I'm engaging in around-the-clock strenuous coitus with does something that no one, or no one we know of, else does that that voice and I agree is just grand and makes our spine feel like its covered in that weird static stuff that those big ass tvs in the 90s would have on the screen. Btw what's up with that? That couldn't be healthy right? Anyway we like what we like, preformed by who we like to see do it. Seems reasonable enough. I don't see any holes in the logic, and I'm a really good hole poker. Ok I'll buy it.

Ok well that's only have of it right? What about all the time we're not banging? Or coming up with new ways to bang? We gotta do something, right? Most of the time not fucking really, again in my experience. We might watch TV or something like that but for the most part we don't spend alot of time experiencing the world together. Why? Because we figure out pretty soon, the only thing we have in common is how much we like to each other naked and do naughty things in the same state of undress. I think I'm hilarious, while 4/4 of my "loves" may have thought so as well at first, that could just have been because after their little voice said they needed to get me naked, they would just think about me naked everytime I said something that I thought was funny and they would giggle in embarrassment of the thought no one else knew they had. Its happened to me, why not them? How long does the awkward stage last to hide the fact that they think my jokes are fucking stupid and never make sense?

I for one can say, even when I have someone I find attractive, and does things to me that make the voice and me say "fuuuuuckkkkkkinnnggg sssshhhhhhhiiiiitttttttt" at the same time, when I see other people, sometimes that voice says "damn I definitely gotta get a piece of that," from time to time. Eventually the amount of letters in the explicit words my voice and I say on that one down stroke, becomes less and less and the voice speaks up more and more about other people. I like to feel good. Its the only thing in life everyone enjoys, and know what they need to do, in order to get those good feelings, very often don't. Whether that's because they "don't have time," are "ashamed" of what creates feelings for them, or what creates the feelings is "illegal" or "frowned upon" it almost seems like they avoid them all together. I don't get it but, whatever. Anyway other than sex, weed, and the occasional tab of LSD, oh and cheeseburgers, what makes me feel good is making people laugh, people making me laugh, and talking to people about shit no one else is, either at the time or any time, ever. If the only time I feel good when I'm with someone is when in a few inches deep inside them while we're drenched in sweat, that leaves alot of time sitting around making stupid jokes for someone that doesn't think they're funny. I know if I had to put up with me for hours at a time, I would probably make a soup bowl out of the other me's skull with a wooded baseball bat, a slugger from Louisville, or something like that. The point is its understandable that if two people just wanna be around someone when their fucking each other, they probably spend more time annoying the shit out of each other to a point or no return at which time, one of those two people loose the cutest and best little ride of die puppy of all time, because they got him together when the explicit words were still long and the wet spot was big enough for two people. That sounds pretty fucking shitty, doesn't it? I can't say from experience but I'd imagine the one that lost the puppy would always tear up a little when they think about the little dude, and after, when the memories of the bad times fade, as they tend to do, may wonder from time to time how big one of those wet spots could get now. But I don't really know. That's just a guess.

When it comes down to it the only one of those four relationships that I can say I had fun all the time, right up until there was no time, was the one I'm thinking about right at this exact moment. It just so happens that's also the one that belongs to the face I see when I close my eyes and think about who I wanna drop acid with and "switch things up" in the bedroom with when we're 75 and bored.

So that's what love is to me. Is good sex a requirement for love? I believe so yes.

Is it the only requirement? That's a no from me.

Is love a requirement for sex? Ehhh I'm going to go no here as well.

Is there a difference between psyical attraction and an emotional connection? Absolutely fucking yes, and guess what, I can't figure out how there related whatsoever.

Is it extremely difficult to find someone you find attractive and connect with on a real ass, can drive around for three hours, smoking blunts, listening to music, and talking about how if the zombie apocalypse started at that moment, what the plan would be, and how it wouldn't be such a bad thing because all the stupid people would die first. Then again they would come back right after as flesh eating cannibals, but at least we would be able to shoot them in the face with a 12 gauge shotgun, and not have to stab a prison guard in the throat because you got sentenced to life in prison and you gotta get your rep up out the gate. That kind of connection. Its rare but it happens. In my experience at least.

What's all that mean though? Does it mean in 50 years when I'm 75 I'll be bent over and rammed with a strap-on, while tripping on some really Jesus fucking LSD by an amazing woman and all around good fucking person, because we made a pact that if were talking to each other at the age of 75 she would get to fuck me just once? I really can't say for sure. I really wish I could but I can't. As of right now that particular person isn't my biggest fan, why? I can't for the life of me figure out but we have always seemed to cross paths again after one of use storms off into the woods leaving the other standing there with a blunt, a half eaten bag of shrooms, a bag of the good ass $27 dollar trail mix, giggling like a fucking idiot while trying to say "no come back, you'll get lost again" but the other one is already too far into the woods to make out what the other one said and is to pissed off stop and try to understand it without the sound of their teeth grinding and leaves crunching under their feet because their pissed off. I don't know. I guess I'll just have to keep walking down the trail and hope at some point our paths come together again, and maybe this time I won't eat the shrooms too eat and forget the blanket she told me 6 times to bring and piss her off because I brought the blanket she didn't want to get dirty instead and ruined the whole trip.

I can make it work though. I saw this awesome stump not too far back down the trail that appeared to be bug free and should be call "nature's recliner" big enough for both of us, and if we feel like rolling in the grass, we can just go skinny dipping in the little stream down the way and air dry on the walk back. We like the way the other ones parts bounce when we're walking anyway.

[closedspeciesdrama]

RE: necrobies

Partially a rant about preferences, partially a rant about being professional. I don’t want to break any rules so I’m going to split them up between submission and asks, I hope that’s okay. So let’s start with being professional.

Personally, I don’t believe that the new admins have any preference over regular members of the community and their friends; they allow pretty much anyone break the rules if they’re small enough. I’ve seen people be modded before for (semi-accidentally) posting NSW material in a minor-friendly channel on the discord and both parties (the mods and the member) handled it really well. I’ve seen other situations get handled well though I can’t recall them now. But minors talking about kinks, and on occasion a person or two using slurs, and conversations in specific channels becoming grossly off-topic – all relatively forgivable offenses, at least depending on the situation and who you ask – I’ve seen them get ignored completely. Modding for minor offenses seems to depend on if the admins are actively engaging in them themselves or their current mood. Lowkey disappointed, but I’m not trying to change anything at this point. Just sad and ranting. Proof of off topic chatter below, even a mod (green) engaging after one of the admin says it should move to talk.

https://78.media.tumblr.com/6b739cbf090732f48b92d3c0f646fc23/tumblr_owo9mzzNiU1r8hcioo1_1280.png

Admins also don’t seem to react well to criticism, often becoming defensive very quickly. Sometimes they listen and embrace it, but other times they will argue with the members about whether or not what they did/are doing is “right” and “should” make them uncomfortable, as if a person isn’t allowed to be unhappy about something going on even if they’re being civil about it and wanting to talk. I can find no examples of this at this time because the questions channel was recently removed and remade and all history beyond a few days ago is gone.

I do have proof of them publicly reacting to criticism that wasn’t exactly the most civil criticism in the world though. I will put a disclaimer in case it’s necessary, whether I agree with the entire original post or not, whether it’s true or not, I’m only posting it now as an example of how the admins react to things. I would have linked the original but I can’t find it, and if the mods need to remove it’s link from this post (in case the original was deleted) I would understand. All you really need to know anyway is that the poster was unhappy with how the discord is monitored and the mod selection. First link is the criticism, second link is the reaction. https://78.media.tumblr.com/5a2d99fc2532b41dc4700353d8f09502/tumblr_owo9mzzNiU1r8hcioo3_r1_1280.png

https://78.media.tumblr.com/849e248eb038cc18cbd0a54da71bd045/tumblr_owo9mzzNiU1r8hcioo2_1280.png

I can understand posting it in the main chat (where it was) in an attempt to get the attention of the person that might have posted it, but they allowed it to become a conversation. A lot of members that enjoy the discord became offended. I under 8 minutes the mods go from welcome arms and wanting to talk it out with OP to insulting them, by calling them childish and saying that what they did was going too far, in the public channel. If you’re frustrated and you want to rant anonymously for a moment on a blog designed for ranting anonymously for a moment I guess you’re scum. Btw, this is exactly what you should do if you want to encourage someone to have a civil, professional, productive conversation with you. /sarcasm

Some minor things that I have no proof of because I can’t find it right now. The admins considering only linking adopts in the discord server and needing a member to remind them to put them on dA for the people that don’t have discord or don’t know about it. The admins loudly talking about maybe promoting a new mod in the general talk channel resulting in many people offering to be mods, and also outing one person that had contacted them privately. Not malicious, just super unprofessional. Admins saying one thing and when you contest it they turn around and say something else like the first thing they said never happened. Changing rules in practice but not actually changing them anywhere official, like how as of 3:40 AM on 9-22-2017 their FAQ on dA (pic below) still says that necrobies created under the old owner can retain their old lore, but in the discord server they’ve decided that everyone has to change the lore because it “confuses people” the other way.

https://78.media.tumblr.com/eb9fd23b52eac8e984bc51f5ddbec760/tumblr_owo9mzzNiU1r8hcioo4_r1_1280.png

I don’t want to make it sound like I’m trying to tailor everything to MY wants and needs, because that seems to be a common misconception in this server. I don’t expect to have control over the species, the server, the admins or anybody. I don’t even expect anything to change. I’m just a sad, frustrated person that wants to rant here for a second and get a few things off my chest.

[hanzi83]

The Real Birthday Blog

So it’s another year that has gone by. The last several birthdays that have passed by, which have never been strong since my inception, there has always been horrible birthdays for me, whether it is just people not making a big deal, or arguments breaking out, leading to months of awkwardness and tension consistently building. I have already done a periscope, but I figured since I wrote a blog yesterday, then deleted it, and I don’t know why I do that, because anything I have written or thought about, they are fully aware of it. I can’t be too much of a wildcard for these people, because they can’t afford to have my thoughts wandering, without them keeping a careful eye out on it, and again this could be true, but there are no facts to pass it up, so just assume this is just some delusional theory I have concocted from out of nowhere.

I hate this time of the year, and if the curse of my birthday being shitty every year wasn’t enough, I am currently in a position where it is extremely difficult to out maneuver these loops they keep throwing me and I constantly feel like nothing will be resolved, and the fear of the future and what has transpired behind my back, mixed with the potential of people I know who will try to politic their way in my life and I feel have never forgive me for whatever I have said or done. I would much rather not be here to see all of this take place, and if I am completely off the mark, then what is the point of being here? I am not being malicious? If there are secrets that exist in my world, and I constantly have to act sane and not lose my temper, because they are waiting for that so they can use my mental illness against me.

It has come clear that I am not important to some people anymore. It is mostly my fault, but the distance has driven me further down the depression and now realizing the elite association that people in my life have and I have been reduced to be being a discredited loser in his mothers basement and because part of that is by design and the other part is this self defeated mentality, I have to deal with what is presented and what is presented has made me seem like a delusional piece of shit who is extremely narcissistic and egotistical because he thinks the world owes him something, and don’t buy into the industry type who spew out how the worlds owes no one anything, and then you are told to be a man. It sounds simple of enough, while they withhold the hidden rules that they claim doesn’t exist, and they use it as a way to push down mentally ill people who have to cope with the sad reality that this world is.

I only ask for death for my birthday present. Nothing malicious, just a simple send off. I know I will not get that wish met, but it would be so much easier on people I know. They can live openly and honestly and not worry about my childish tantrums, and if they system was ever to give me power to accumulate at the end of all this, it could go amongst them, because you know that if I have power, I will be forced to do the same things that the older generation have done to keep the power, and I am not sure I could be that person, while also realizing that the more power you have, the more it is likely you will be that person. It scares me. I am scared to try and succeed.

I don’t know what anyone’s agenda is. I can write these thought out blogs, but the stuff these trolls, who claim they are fans of mine, will focus on the extremely negative and lie about what my social platforms entail. It really makes me sad that these people could be known, paid or maybe they just locally know me, and the fact they would partake in this behavior makes me question what is the point. You can just fucking end me. I am sick of having one good night for a year and then being put back in the basement. I know this will never end, because it is too fun for the ones who hold the power over my head and pretend it is just a normal life we live.

I will always be bitter and insecure and will always be haunted by the mental torture that has been bestowed upon me, and what is scary about it, is that it comes in such a subtle form where it makes people look like they are the sole problem, and not that there is a system in place to fuck with these people, then you wonder why so many people out there have problems and are blamed for things they never even did. There is never real justice. I am too scared to go out and do anything. I am not worthy enough to be here. It is becoming clear as each birthday passes. I thought I could enjoy this “fame” things for my 20’s and early 30’s and now I am 34, and even though people think its still fairly young, I still feel like I am 50, and I feel like it will never go back to being at a satisfactory level. I will constantly haunted by these memories, and the envisioning of how this all plays out, and the potential political moves behind the scene. Why even be here to find out how this plays out? Just give the people who want it all, everything and guess what we don’t have to ever talk about it.

They have teased me over the course of the last several years about getting to know the answers, and me having to make changes, and I obliged, but not enough to the point where the next phase in their plan has stepped up and it is like they are testing my irrational behavior and making a mark mentally to make lose my temper. They capitalize on my anger, and due to me being an attention seeker, I give in because it has been difficult, when you were on one of the biggest radio shows ever and now I am ranting on periscope about sex cults and politics within social circles and industries that exist.

Every year I put on a tough exterior and say I don’t care about my birthday, but the truth is I do, but I am smart enough to be aware that nothing will ever be done to make it a good day, because I have been set in my own ways and pushed everyone away, and now I am afraid of knowing what the reality in what is going on, and who is associated with who, and it has made me just sit in my basement regretting everything that has taken place. I waste my creative energy on these blogs, but I need to get these thoughts out. It feels like I will never be able to shake this trauma, and as far as I can tell, they have plans to continue this. I think their goal is to try to get me to snap. I just want to sit back and cry to myself like the pussy I am, because you can’t be emotional, and it is considered being a sad sack all the time, but guess what that is the reality of mental illness.

I know a lot of these trolls would rather troll with their negative behavior to make themselves feel good, than actually deal with their real emotions and how they are even more miserable than me, even with the perks they are awarded, or the benefits they reap, but they will constantly come towards me to make me feel less than, when I am better than most of these people, if they need to constantly harass me or make me feel like shit just to test my mental stability. It is tiresome. I wish I could leave. It will never get better.

Look at how I am spending my birthday, I am writing a fucking blog. This is probably where the summer for me peaks, I know it doesn’t beat private gatherings, perks to go to concerts and sporting events. I get it, I am living a pathetic life, I am getting high off the likes on face book and likes on my social media platforms, and those well wishes. It is sad that is what is considered a highlight in my existence. I know it seems pathetic to put it all out there, but I am willing to be vulnerable and I can do it on the surface, because anyone who tries to make it seem like a horrible thing, and I admit it isn’t a favorable thing at times for my image, but what image is there really? So it is easy for people to judge someone like me for speaking my mind, and being irrational and analyzed the thought patterns, while you sit behind anonymous accounts and chastising people about safe spaces. It angers the fuck out of me. I guess that is the point.

I don’t know what this blog accomplishes, but like the many that came before it, it will probably make matters worse, no one likes when I rationalize myself, even if you don’t believe me or buy into anything I type, you at least know I come from a genuine place. I know I will never have vindication, and I know they will continue with these tactics. It makes it even worse to know that without any remorse they will continue these actions. I have been fucked with this technology and have been addicted to all of it because you have to know what is going on and what the latest trend is, even though I don’t follow trends completely. I have dated clothes, I don’t know what money I should have access to, I don’t know the overall plans of what will happen. I know the common misconception that seemingly everyone doesn’t know what will happen, but I don’t believe that, because I think if you are an enlightened one, you have some idea where to go, and what to do, and when to prepare for your demise. It is just me. and there is no proof to all of this officially.

Anyways, thanks to the ones who wished me happy birthday. It sounds sad and pathetic, but those are probably the highlight of my birthday because I am so alone and can’t trust anyone ever again because I have been screwed over too many times, and it will keep continuing. So as much as  I never wanted this to be my outcome of life, I have to deal with it, and that people in your life will constantly lie, whether its for my protection or for their own agenda. It hurts and it will continue to hurt, but these people at the top thrive on it and they love people suffering in agony, because they can manipulate them and no one will believe a fucking word.

Enjoy the perks, enjoy everything you got. I will try to enjoy my birthday but quite frankly I will just escape to my alternative reality in the form of a dream and its extremely pathetic I concocted a theory that my dreams are where things take place, but we are told a limited story because they are afraid to tell us how powerful our minds are. So that is what I have. It will always sit on my conscience. I am forever haunted. I think I have to accept it. No one really gives a fuck about me, or at least it feels that way.