#anyways im hungry and have to do stuff
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the worst part of my day is when I have to do things™️
#it's exhausting#can i just stay on sleep mode#I don't want to do my silly little tasks#anyways im hungry and have to do stuff
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It's always "Shou and Ritsu need to blow stuff up with their minds for mental health reasons" or Ritsu and Teru or even Shou and Teru!
But what about Mob? When does he get to blow stuff up with his mind for funsies? For shits and giggles? He didn't go through all of those meltdowns and character development for nothing, let him go ham on a junkyard car or something smh
I believe in Mob's narrative given right to fuck shit up sometimes
#im hungry i should do homework i should also finish all of my other drafted posts BUT I AM LAZY#ive been starting to write fic tho at least thats productive. fic thats kind of relevant to this actually hm#listen i just want more Mob content where he does smth reckless or stupid with his powers he deserves it#or just in general tbh i need more content of mob being kinda mean or having arguments with ppl like to a healthy degree ok#but i still want him to. yanno. lash out and stuff. experience emotion. have him get angry over petty stuff#the first mp100 fic ive ever started writing/drafting had mob and ritsu having a proper fight post canon#i just need it for my OWN mental health. let them have dumb sibling fights and have mob express his annoyances#itd be funny and cathartic. for me at least. ill finish that shit one day its been assembled and disassembled but ill figure it out#eventually#let mob feel and express all of the ugly emotions he didnt allow himself to acknowledge for years pls#its my favourite thing#anyway.#mp100#mob psycho 100#shigeo kageyama#cine te a intrebat
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I can respect the hater mentality
#kirby#kots#kirby of the stars#hoshi no kirby#kirby meme#it's honestly hilarious that half the cast of star allies are just people that tried to kill us and most of them aren't even sorry#Taranza at the time was the only redeemed villain in the cast#like yeah magolor went through redemption but we didn't know that he just built a theme park and hoped everything was fine#marx is just not hungry and his text just hints at him still being up to no good#susie is still racist and im not even sure she learn something from her experience#apart from trauma#daroach is here to steal stuff#im still not sure what dark meta knight wanted but nothing good I'm sure#i may be giving Taranza too much credit because he's my favorite he did have ulterior motives#but at most he just wanted to pray for Sectonia's revival he wasn't gonna do anything bad#he is going through stuff of course he's vulnerable to be converted by a cult#he's even like 'probably won't work and it working would honestly be a bad thing but im going to try anyway'#do you think Taranza gets lonely up there#Galacta dying the second we receive the first bit of solid lore about them was straight up evil#and then kumazaki confirmed they killed them because it was funny i was enraged /pos#i know people were tired of Galacta Knight at that point#i mean i wasn't bur i kind of understand why some people may have been#even they were tired they kiled themselves before having to fight us again#do you ever think about how none of the Galacta Knight encounters are canon to the kirby cast but are canon to Galacta#and then their death isn't canon so oops here they come in Kirby clash#retire that is old guy#but actually don't i like them and i want them to appear until they drop dead (again)#the post was meant to be about Galacta never forgiving the ancients but honestly they're probably angry just in general
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bad astrology by flower face
#yellowjackets#jackieshauna#ITS DONE OMG ITS FINISHED#what do I do now. with my life (ranking)#also ive decided i am gonna do literary analysis. on all of em#literally i have NO idea if anyone cares. well. i do bc I care and tbh that's enough to me#<- guys look im living so healthy#anyways this was a blast#hope somebody has at least discovered flower face trhu me bc its one of my fav artists#mitos incredible life#mine art tag#also im sorry the like long scenes 3 and 4 arent on beat :/ i love that song but it has so long instrumental stuff and idk what to do there#ALSO!! i had it all planned out like at least half in my docs (like always)#and then in the middle i was like 'omg what if I only show jackie-after-the-argument and shauna-after-jackies-dead'#(excluding the argument and the flashbacks (they used to hear us thru the floor))#which was. restricting. very much#also meaning was changed (originally wanted jackie to have the line 'idc if ure not made for me' but the only scene i could think of was th#ure hungry for and that was the next scene already so.)#anyways this was originally gonna be lottienat before i started with The Shark In Your Water#bc I thiught it fit them SO well. (still do) but now I like have to get away from the jackieshauna thought and then ill do the lottienat#probably#omg also I want everyone (who has read this far. whoever would do that) to know i was running on like 25 screen#recordings and 3 jackieshauna scene packs form yt#that's why. I dknt have that many clips alright im not using like 10 scenes over n over on purpose#gotta go but im gonna make a wrap post thingy once im back slay#no actually I get like average 7 notes (<- that's a lie Idk bc I didnt count) but im proud of myself this is amazing#ive wanted to do smth similiar alr#but it was some album by alec benjamin and a different thing for every song (like a poem‚ a painting or a play)#but I lost motivation this is the first thing that i actually pulled though all the way I think#jackieshauna: The Shark In Your Water
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pretty sure i just got a spider bite while trying to fall asleep 🧍
#i thought it was just a stray hair on my elbow under the blanket and kept trying to shake it off#and then i finally went to brush it off w my hand and felt a bump there#and then it was unbearably itchy so i turned the lamp on to apply some anti-itch stuff bc it was driving me nuts#and i was trying to see where it was on my elbow bc wtf when did i get bit#and then i looked at it and it was very pale like a fresh bite and then there was some skin torn like a spider bite#i cant tell if theres two little holes or not and honestly idk if spiders always leave two fang marks fjdkdl#but it doesnt look like a mosquito bite unless i tore the skin myself from scratching at it#but the way it is looking... very similar to past spider bites#anyways i just removed everything from my bed and methodically searched Everything. looked all around the bed too. cannot find a spider#so. shrug. <- actually very afraid#but the thing that makes me Really think it's a spider is that the bump was super pale and now after a little while it is regular skintone#so that makes me think it was a brand new fresh bite the way it was a different colour and now its normal looking#which is uhhh scary! to have had a spider possibly in my bed!#and I can't find it so i simply do not Know and that is going to make it so hard to sleep tonight fjfkdl#man i barely ate today too so im just... really not doing well at this very moment fjfkdl#i cant eat anything rn though bc i already brushed my teeth and i dont want to do that again tonight fjfkdl#but i am. so hungry. augh. idk what I'd even eat anyways im too anxious to stomach anything#WHERE IS THIS SPIDER. WHY DID IT CHOOSE MY BED TO BE IN 😭#im in bed so often ... it should avoid places where ppl are ....#i feel like such shit rn fjdkdl i just rly wish i didnt have to deal w all these bugs#in the past month I've had a couple spiders and Several(!) weevils and a centipede and a clicker beetle and a couple earwigs#im just so tired of bugs i rly am fjfkdl idk why they choose to come inside and idk HOW they're getting inside#i hate living in a basement!!#i just want to sleep so i dont have to deal w being awake for a while fjdkls but now im all freaked out#i want to curl into a little ball and blink out of existence I'll be so honest rn. im just. idk.#✨ I don't think I have a place in society ✨ i am not a good enough person to exist in the world ✨#i dont want to go to sleep bc what if the spider comes back fjfkdl i wish i would've found it so i could've trapped it#and then let it outside tomorrow! i wouldnt have even killed it. the universe should've given me that one bc im so niceys#unfortunately the universe doesnt play nice w me fjfksl#spider tw
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gonna drop this one and run
#fuck im shaking again#can i have a normal day please#gnna lay down for a bit.. naybe not long idk i wana keep doing stuff but i feel bad#mayeb im just hungry idk i cant tell#anyways wanted to share this for possible reference in future doodles#and yes that is also my twitter i have two accounts :P#💥 and ❓❓❓ ily. i'll change my names one day but i love you emojis#chat
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rediscovering I have empathy? craaaazyyyyy
#beanie babbles#okay so this is gonna be a vent post but all in the yags#tw pet death#tw death#i hope dont think this is ablest language but its not precise language#Here we go#I never really doubted I have a capacity for empathy. It can be kind of hit or miss- amd even when I dont understand I try to be compassion#-ate. all that good stuff blah blah#Whats a lot more accurate to say is I dont really feel bad for dead people#I'll feel bad at the idea of somone dying maybe. I dont want living people to suffer and die just because.#I get upset when my friends are suicidal or when somone goes out and kills other people or even when a fictional charecter dies sometimes#but the mourning isnt about their death. it sucks that i cant hang out with them any more or that they cant experiance shit any more#but im not crying at a casket#But I did cry when I found my housemates pet bird limp on the floor of the cage today- the other one not seeming to even realize#This is the second time. The first one the birds were closer and the loving one wouldnt stop making noise tryong to get our attention#this one didnt mind as much- was just hungry and looking for some more feed. The feeders were empty and water gross#I stay with the birds every day and make sure they get excerize and enrichment because my housemate cant do that part#but i dont check the nessicities#so that was a shock. I refilled the food compartment after taking the dead bird out and putting them in a box#I dont think thats why they died. These birds have their wongs clipped before purchase and cant flay very well at all#But this bird practiced and was able to get a lot of height and distance as feathers grew back. But didnt know how to stop#Constantly crashing into floors and walls. Thats the main culprit I think#Its just weird that I cry easier over birds and fictional charecters and material things than my family. I feel guilty about it#Not that guilty i got all that angst out in 2020#vent post#not really actually this turned into an explination of events more#anyway#the actual post had nothing to do w9th anything bru
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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this is so me rn honestly. sometimes. people have dinner at 12 am and get angry that they're hungry at 9:45 the next morning. Like hello? A year ago i would be fine waiting from dinner time to breakfast time. but noooo now my stomach wants food as soon as I get out of bed. be fucking patient man who the fuck wants to eat at 9:45 am!?
#i dont care what senshi tells me i fucking. HATE eating food in the morning it makes me SO tired#like i need the energy that would be going to digestion to jump start my morning otherwise i just get too eepy#i know foods is supposed to give you energy but whenever i eat something i get SUPER SUPER tired for like 30-60 minutes afterwards#anyways ill tag this as#disordered eating#just because ive been there i know ED behaviors arent always triggered by ED related stuff sometimes its just talking abt food awkwardly#but like its not ED related i promise i just went from living in a house where you ate at meal times and if you missed brekkie you missed it#to. idk buy your own groceries eat what you like when you like#and im pissed off that doing that makes me physically hungry when i have no appetite#i usually eat brekkie at lunch tho and lunch at dinner and dinner at midnight
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having some sort of chronic pain and tiredness issue and joint problems and whatnot but not knowing exactly what the problem is is really good at leading you feeling like you're faking it or making a big deal out of nothing or making it up. especially if there's a good day where it's not as bad and you can walk straight without limping for the first time in a year. but then you can wake up the next day and can barely walk and wonder why you can't just walk normal. it's hard to not guilt trip yourself into dealing with pain by trying to ignore it and force yourself to walk "normal" all the time
#chronic pain#chronic exhaustion#idk what else to tag#another day of why was lee walking normal and barely pain at work yesterday but then today so much pain and exhausted#wish i knew what was exactly the problem. was diagnosed with “generalized hypermobility” but doesnt do much#not a real diagnosis. basically just a thing to tell me “theres nothing wrong. exercise more” but how???? i keep trying but hurt myself#my job is physical labor and therefore exercise. it hurts. is exhausting. no energy to do more. walking is exhausting#have to focus so much energy on not popping hips out of place and twisting knees and ankles and falling. never hurts less#still think about how failed the heds test by 1 point but had several people with heds or who have close friends/family with it who told me#they think i have it and should go het diagnosed or just ask me if i have it because they recognize the symptoms#and every time i tell them the doctor i saw about my joint issues and stuff denied it they get super confused and tell me to try#another doctor. unfortunately i have to go through my designated health system and they dont have multiple doctors of each specialty#and i in general have no clue how to navigate health stuff or how to advocate for myself and have no help or support system at all so 🤷#anyway. it makes me wonder if i *do* have that or if my floppy bendy joints are just similarly bad and exercise will cure me#and im just bad at it because i have no clue what is right and wrong movement unless someone watches me and corrects me the whole time#and no i wont learn or get better. im so disconnected from this body that i will never learn what feels right and wrong.#still cant even tell when im hungry until i almost pass out!!!!!!! of thirsty!! or even have to pee until its emergency level piss!!!!!!#so no way to tell when hypermobiling joints when exercising or when form is slipping and not correct anymore.#been trying things to get better at that but still hasnt improved at all#what was i talking about......right. dont think ill ever get heds diagnosis since cant pass the test for that. so cant get much support/help#am on my own with youtube tutorials and hoping i dont keep hurting myself wishing exercise will cure me and “good days” become permanent#also why are video tutorials SO HARD TO FOLLOW AND LEARN FROM. im sk bad at it yet everyone tells me its the best and only way to learn but#its SO HARD FOR ME 😭😭😭😭😭 MAKES ME SO FRUSTRATED AND UPSET
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Shugo Chara openings my beloved
#AH SHIT I HAVE STUFF TO DO! AND ANSWER DMS! AND FREAK OUT ABOUT THE INTERROGATION-#SHIT OKAY- I NEED- ITS 2PM DID I HAVE BREAKFAST?! FUCK!#well i know why im hungry... hm... alr lets get tjis ready then check if the meat defrosted if it didn't we... will figure it out and then#we answer dms i wanna read that it looked interesting#huh? where did this pretty song come from? huh... anyways alr moving forward#seari talks
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sometimes you need to be filled with righteous rage and anger and take a couple hours to calm down and think rationally and realize you are hangry and overstimulated and it was never that deep
#me once I started thinking rationally: ok why am I so angry and upset#me: ...oh my god I didnt eat lunch#the lesson here kids is to be very careful to not forget meals#it doesnt not happen to me very often im very careful about it#but the time I got off work + having to go do stuff right after made for a wicked combo and I completely forgot to eat#that and being overstimulated. bad bad combo deadly combo#anyways ive eaten and had quiet time and the very mild situation I was furious with is resolved#so#im all good now#time to write fic#I do mean this post sincerely btw#sometimes you need to realize the thing youre mad about isnt what youre really mad about#sometimes youre just hungry and you dont realize it#and thats ok!
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Nothing like friends knowing i have very limited free time insisting on coming over on a weekday and then leaving the house an hour later than they said. And stopping to fill up their tyres for some reason. I need to be in bed in 2 hours and i still haven't eaten bc they were supposed to bring food.
This is really on me though. I know they're always an hour late. That's why i don't coride with them when we go to our friends one town over despite the 40min trip.
Same friends that ditched me two days before our trip to see MCR in Germany btw.
#M#The mcr trip was even their idea tp begin with#Anyway i dont know why i still hang around with them#They can be nice but the guy is so apathetic he might as well be comatose#And the girl is chronically late and have 0 manners.#And i dont mean like 'ooh look at me i dont fart in front of others' she has that type of manners (i dont)#Like the 'no elbows on the table' manners. Things that don't really mean shit#I mean manners that matter. Like not asking your friends friend why she's lost her eye or your new friend why his arm doesn't work#Or arriving somewhat on time. Like within 20 minutes. Or keeping promises. Those kinds of manners#Anyway im just talking shit about them here to vent#I don't want to say this stuff to their faces and i dont wanna talk behind their backs to our common friends#So im just venting here#But honestly it's really annoying that they refuse to grow up and learn to act decently#Especially the girl has the mentality of a 15 year old#But then again she never moved out from her parents place so maybe that is hindering her...#These people are together and live at the girls parents btw no fault with living at home but i do believe it is heavily hindering developme#t for her#Urgh im so hungry where are theyyyy
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i feel like i have rly strict boundaries w ppl eating my food but i feel like i shouldn't but i like . recovered from an ED and i hate having my food messed w / having less food than i thought but i feel like i shouldn't care/just get over it
#like imagine u rly care for smn but their house is kind of far so whenever u go there u stay for a few days#but they have nothing in their pantry to actually make a meal w except like. eggs and bread or smth#and they dont cook for u . but u cook for them all the time when they come over#and you are aware that due to this issue of like . never having food at their house they are often hungry#note : the food thing is less financial strain and more energy/they dont have the willpower to like. buy stuff to cook w ig ? but they also#dont order takeout so they just eat like. bread. and peanut butter. and eggs.#but anyway so ur like ok im gonna bring my own food this time so u do. they know abt ur ed thing. and u tell them youre hungry when#ur at their place so you brought this food for yourself. u are aware eggs and bread cut it for them and they feel full#but u are low on energy a lot bc ur not actually having a nutritionally balanced meal etc etc. anyway so as soon as u get ur food out they#start eating...ur food. and ur like . ok 😃 . like they dont rly ask they just grab a fork and they start eating#and ur like its fine theyre hungry they can have it . but u brought enough food for like a few days and now u have enough for like#1.5 days maybe. so u tell them..i feel like i miscommunicated but the food was...for me...sorry...but u feel HORRIBLE and guilty abt it#and then theyre like ok . and then they keep having ur food#and ur like#ok#:D anyway u made an extra bowl of the food and froze it for urself for when u get back home#bc u suspect u wouldnt have energy to cook . but u end up inviting them and they come along. and on the way#ur like i understand u were hungry but i made the food for myself so next time ig i can make 2 ppls worth of food so i wont have to like#worry abt skipping meals n stuff so much when im over at ur place . and theyre like. ok#and then u get homr. and then#they ask for that last bowl of the same food that u made for uself . and ur like 🫠 okkkk#obviously u give it to them but its like . oh my goddd pls just let me eat my own food i am HUNGRY TOO#and i made it for myself !!!!#but i dont want to be selfish and i rly rly dont want anyone to be hungry bc ik what it feels like and i hate HATE seeing ppl i love be#hungry but it feels like over this week theyve crossed this boundary like 3 times but its like#what if i fuck stuff up by telling them. theyre literally at ur place too w lots of ingredients u could have just made smth for them but#they chose that specific meal u made for urself for after u got back which is the same meal u made like 4 bowls of for when u were at their#place and its like . AUGHHSHDHDH
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*o*
#ok sorry i've done my best to not obsessively talk abt this every single day for the past TWO months but.....#i just wanna eat normally again bro#i wanna eat healthy stuff bc i can always FEEL how much my body appreciated it and it gives me energy#i also wanna eat more unhealthy things just bc they're yummy and thats ok sometimes too#and i want chocolate bro.. im dying from chocolate deficiency#but anyway it is 1) extremely boeing to eat the same things every single day for 8 weeks#but 2) i can feel that i dont get enough nutrition. im super tired and dizzy and short of breath. also i am sooooo fkn cold#3) it is mentally exhausting to get home and be like damn im so tired i just wanna eat cereal but nope i have to make my bland food#i am just sick and tired of this. esp bc it takes SO long to get medical attention. so for rn i am not even certain it is gallstones#and what do i get as a treatment if it is??? like should i just live like this forever now?? will i have to wait months for a surgery?#what if it isnt gallstones??? what if they cant find out whats wrong? so it is not only the waiting it is the uncertainty#but most of all. im so hungry all the time and i dont wanna think abt what im eating anymore. i just wanna eat normally broooo fml
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its bad enough that work was awful its not fair that now im home i need 1000 yrs of solitary confinement (imposed by me) n just sitting here before i can be a functioning(ish) member in society again
#p#lame!!!!!#im hungry also :((( i have a cookie tho so ill live. just gotta sit on my bed n weep pathetically for a bit#usually its not this bad i just sit here like a dead thing but today im :'( yknow#a few times throughout my shift i was blasted by the thought of having to do this again tomorrow#hopefully it wont be this awful but still. would rather not!#how do ppl work full time i think id literally die#my brain/feelings And body would be obliterated#anyway point is i wish i could get ovef stuff easier or be less strssed/overwhelmed by stuff in general#oh well!
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