#anyways ive had this idea in my head for a week and idk how i feel about how it turned out

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[todayisafridaynight]

stream tomorrow. ~3pm est. this fuckin site. if i dont get hit by a car by then.

[apompkwrites]

primordial attachment || freminet (ft. lyney and lynette)

masterlist characters: freminet, lyney, lynette (all platonic) genre: angst contains: spoilers for chapter iv - act i: "prelude of blancheur and noirceur", short fic compared to rest of mine ;-; , mentions of sickness/vomiting summary: the call of the ocean is much more sickening than you remember. notes: omg the rare pompk genshin writing. anyway, the siblings have captured my heart since they came out and I'm only slightly peeved i got zhongli on like 20 pulls to get freminet BUT-- might make this a series? thought of calling it "siblings of the hearth" but idk. ++finished this before i finished lyney's story quest and uhhh rainbow roses is all i have to say :]

you and freminet were practically inseparable. much like lyney and lynette, you and freminet made up the second duo in your adoptive family. the two of you were alike in many ways, from your introverted self-doubt to the love of fairytales.

the one thing that separated you two was your opinions on diving. as much as you wanted to love the ocean again, you couldn't bring yourself to. you cherished the sea when freminet first brought you there, pointing out to the endless blue water that sparkled under the sun. he took you by the end, a much more gentle touch than your mother had the day she dropped the two of you off, before diving down.

he held your hand the entire time the two of you swam, tightening when an angelic sea hare blew past you in the water or when a particularly strong current threatened to pull you two apart.

that day, you saw your brother's bright smile again. the last time you saw that was the day before your mother dropped you two off at the orphanage. and when freminet smiled, the brightest one you had seen in ages, you smiled back.

the next day, you learned you also had a strange affinity for the sea like your brother. the two of you knew the ocean like the back of your hands. and so, when you started feeling sick after every diving escapade, you got worried.

despite the worry, the bubbling in your stomach, and the nausea that filled your system, you told no one. you went on with your life, slowly pulling back from the water. pulling back from the diving days.

pulling back from freminet.

every time he came back from a dive, you felt sick. it had to be the water clinging onto his suit and thus, you often locked yourself away in the workshop knowing freminet wouldn't go in lest he damage the trinkets he was working on.

the first two weeks of avoidance were relatively easy. but on the dawn of the third week, you couldn't stand it. those teary eyes freminet stared at you with upon refusing another diving escape broke your heart, shattering it as if you and freminet had used your compatible visions to cast freeze on a small puddle of water.

"...okay," was all freminet whispered after your refusal, slinking off to grab his diving gear. the second that door closed behind him, you collapsed to your knees, tears streaming down your face as you silently cried.

"(name)? what's wrong?" and not even a minute passed before you heard lyney behind you. he rushed over and kneeled beside you, joined only a second later by lynette who kneeled on the other side.

lynette placed a hand delicately on your back while lyney took your hands in his, squeezing your cold hands with his warm palms.

"what happened? why are you crying?" lyney asked again, waiting patiently for your tears to cease.

"...nothing," you managed to hiccup, shaking your head. "just... it's nothing, i promise..."

and you knew that lie wouldn't pass. both lyney and lynette, despite being adopted, knew you as if you were their own blood relative. they cared deeply for you and freminet and nothing would escape their sharp eyes.

"...then, how about we have some tea and snacks?" lynette proposes, pulling you up to your feet.

"i think that's a wonderful idea," lyney chimes in, his eyes still lingering on you in worry. you merely nod in response, doing your best to wipe your tears away with your sleeve.

maybe it'd be best if you got to the bottom of your sickness...

in the early morning hours, before the sun even peeked over the horizon, you were up and at your old diving spot. one single smell of the sea made you sick to your stomach. it took every ounce of your strength not to vomit right then and there.

despite the sickness, you reached down towards the water. and the second your fingertips broke the surface--

"ow--!" you yelped in pain, the soft sound of sizzling emitting from your skin. you stared at your shaky hand, the very tips of your fingers turning to water.

drip

drip

drip

three droplets of water fell from your fingertip, landing on the pier with a sound that roared in your ears.

in the end, the people will all be dissolved into the waters, and only the hydro archon will remain...

"the prophecy..." those words escaped your lips without a second thought. you scrambled away from the dock, staring wide-eyed out at the never-ending sea.

and all you could think of was the moment your body would join it.

[crazystargirl]

hiiii! i saw you wanted some request so i got you! can i request a jack champion x reader where the two of them are on the avatar set just goofing off and being totally oblivious to their feelings for each other while everyone just ships them so hard thank youuuu i love your blog!!!!!!!

take one !

pairing ! - jack champion x reader 

word count ! - 0.6k 

a/n ! - BRO ANON ILYSM MY REQUESTS WERE LITERALLY A DRIED UP WELL BEFORE ( except for that rlly good smut request but idk how to write smut 😭 ) i also don't think i did this request justice since ive been writing it this whole week and im sick, stressed, and dealing with a lot of issues about friends and grades [ i'll add photos later ]

you basically grew up on the set of avatar the way of water with all the other younger cast members, who practically were family to you at this point

most people try not to play favorites with their friends but you did and tried your best not to reveal to everyone that your favorite was jack. everyone found out anyway even though you thought you were sneaky

but anyways that's not the point

you and jack were "the duo" on set and loved goofing off with each other even though some scenes took longer to film because of this, no one really minded since they all shipped you two

like c'mon you two were so oblivious to the "flirty" side if your friendship that you guys were basically a lost cause

so one day britain, trinity, and jamie decided something needed to happen like cmon the tension was becoming too unbearable 

today you guys needed to film a scene where your character, spider, and the rest of the Sully kids were running around the forest before you guys find the recoms

this scene wouldn't have taken that long if it weren’t for you and Jack

you two were not taking anything seriously, stopping every five seconds because jack would trip you or you would push him into the set structure

and then when james would tell you guys what you needed to improve on the scene, you and jack would be playing roblox or scrolling through memes instead of listening

james had decided you two needed a break because you guys had filmed a lot already and you and jack were not helping get anymore done

so now you and jack were hunched over your phone where you kept making jack try on all these filters and you kept taking pictures for later 

jamie came up behind you two and tapped you and jack on the shoulders that were closest to each other and since you guys were hunched over, you ended up kissing while trying to see who tapped you two

you both froze and quickly moved away from each other, embarrassed

you guys heard cheering behind you and looked to see the rest of the cast even the adults, clapping and cheering, while jamie stood laughing his head off

"im going to fucking kill you!" you yelled at jamie, getting up to chase him

"y/n! i need a dollar for the swear jar since you cursed!" trinity yelled, also laughing while you and jack were chasing jamie around

eventually jack tackled him since there was no way you would actually be able to tackle jamie because of the unfair height advantage 

after jamie was on the ground, jack kept punching him, enough to slightly hurt but not enough to bruise while you held his legs down so he wouldn't kick jack

then you got the idea to steal jamie's phone and quickly took it from his pocket, tugging on jack's arm to tell him "let's go"

you guys ran into one of the storage closets no one uses and sat down, unlocking jamie's phone easily

"so you wanna talk about what happened there?" jack said, playing with your hair as you leaned your head on his chest, scrolling on jamie's phone

"mmmm no i rather not" you said, looking up and kissing him again

jack pulls you into his arms and you guys end up staying like that for the rest of the day, messing around on yours, jack's, or jamie's phone

and of course everyone knows damn well where yall are put who would want to ruin this sweet moment that they had been working on to push on you two?

taglist ! - @xyzstar, @gwenlore, @dizscreams, @kaesworldxx, @urmomcomsiimiamour, @nonniesworld, @chemtr4ilz, @abodyhasbeenfound, @phsychobanana

lmk if you want to be added/removed !

© crazystargirl || do NOT copy or repost without my permission

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hello everyone, today I'll do something never before seen on the flames and darkness liveblog which is read TWO chapters!! Idk man, i havent been able to read more than one chapter at a time recently because this book suddenly turned into such a slog to get through, although granted that might also just be my mental illness making it more difficult. whatever, i'll be in treatment for that next week

Anyway, today I'll be reading chapter 44 which is the star fall chapter, and chapter 45 which is. a chapter. Knowing this book series nothing of note is gonna happen in that one but that wont stop me from reading it

Chapter 44

Okay, theyre mentioning Feyre not looking so emancipated amymore and it made me remember all the weird weight shit from the start of this book. Like, she was losing weight because she was throwing up all the time and then not eating a lot and everyone was constantly remarking on that and it was unbelievably uncomfortable, but then when Feyre officially joined the night court and everyone immediately stopped talking about it, it almost feels a little manipulative, if that makes sense. Like, this book is ostensibly about Feyres healing journey but the Night Court cannot, under any circumstances, have anything negative associated with it so her trauma basically just disappears so we dont have to see the unpleasant parts of her recovery, she has one (1) nightmare after she starts living there permanently, one (1) moment where she feels too depressed to leave the bed and a few moment where she acts out but then immediately feels bad for it every time

Ughhhhh Feyre is wearing a dress for this which is really frustrating but you guys already know how I feel about that so shant go into that much more detail on this

I swear Im not just saying this to be a hater, Feyres dress sounds so tacky too

yoooooooo is Cassian implying he'd like to wear a tacky ass dress too??

and yet hes just wearing a BLACK TUNIC bro Feyre is literally covered in diamonds from head to toe so she can look like a shooting star or whatever and Cassian doesnt even have the decency to wear a black tunic that glitters or something?? Or hell, maybe even a red tunic to match his siphons, idk, give me SOMETHING im gonna tear my fucking hair out

Feyre is wondering about the IC being her friends and its like, girlie theyre barely even each others friends and youve known each other for maybe half a year to their 500 years

Feyre is describing Azriel hungrily staring at Mor's ass and it reminded me of that one bonus chapter Ive seen discussions about where he's really horny about Elain in a way thats pretty uncomfortable, and a lot of ex-Elriels say that it made them stop liking the idea of the ship because thats when they realized that SJM was just gonna mutilate both of their characters for the sake of smut, but honestly I dont think she would even need to mutilate Az that much

I could not give less of a shit about the Mor/Cassian/Azriel drama but I have to admit its kinda funny reading about Feyre speculating so much about Mor's relationships knowing shes gonna turn out to be interested in women

Mor says that Rhysand was very upset after she had sex with Cassian and beat him up as hard as he could (#incest) but she says he wasnt upset because of her virginity but because of the danger she put herself in by losing it, which is like, first of all that seems like splitting hairs, he was still upset that she lost her virginity even though that was none of his business. And second of all, I think it would actually make sense for him to have the kind of archaic sexist beliefs that would make Mor losing her virginity upsetting to him, considering he was also 17 when that happened just like Mor and Im guessing there wasnt anyone around to teach him feminism. or maybe hes so feminist he came out of the womb believing in womens rights and didnt need to be taught anything

god, the inner circle dynamics are so comically fucked up I have no idea how they can stand being around each other

Again, Im not much of a Feylin girlie but "Your hair looks... clean." >>>>>>>>>>>>>> "You look like a women again." (???? whats thag even supposed to mean)

So Rhysand is not wearing a black tunic, but he is wearing wearing a black jacket which is equally disappointing. atleast he has his tits out i guess

Rhysand was gone for 50 years and yet his best friends are not spending any time with him at their first party together since theyve been seperated, thats what i call friendship goals

Yeah, I guess its kinda sad that Rhys missed out on important holiday that meant a lot to him while undr the mountain but you know who else had to do that? Literally everyone that wasnt from the spring court

So he doesnt wanna tell his friends, who are by all accounts doing alright because theyve spent the past few decades trapped in a beautiful idyllic city, about his trauma but hes perfectly fine traumadumping on a twenty year old woman who just started to recover from her own trauma

Maybe Im just in a bad mood but this bullshit where theyre getting covered in star spirits or whatever feels so joyless to me, like its not whimsical or fun to me

Okay so, Ive heard about Rhysand calling Feyre exquisite and it made me cringe just thinking about it, but it looks like theyve translated that to him calling her 'herrlich' which means the exact same thing but it sounds a lot less weird and bad. once again, thank you, Alexandra

Feyre really just said "You regret sexually assaulting me? But why?" huh

Chapter 45:

Okay, thats the end of the chapter but theres two more things that kinda annoyed me that I didnt feel the need to mention as I was reading. 1) Feyre kept going on and on aboht Rhysand being her friend, it felt so insincere, its like sjm say a post online right before she started writing this chapter that was like "in the best relationships, your partner isnt just your partner but also your best friend" and decided to put that sentiment in her book, and 2) I felt like there were so many moments towards the end of that chapter where Feyre is like "oh, ive never felt this way with anyone" and its very obviously alluding to how she didnt love Tamlin as much as she does Rhysand now, and it was just very strange to read, like Tamlin was haunting the narrative even though hes not even dead yet

Uhm. so i got really tired all of a sudden so I took a nap at this point and read some gay vampire fanfic to rejunivate myself and now Im ready for whatever happens in the next chapter

"I was a traitor. [...] Even though I oficially left Tamlin - it was only two months ago, after all. By Fae standards that was probably barely more than a day." Oh yeah, i havent been keeping track of the time thanks for reminding me that this story about immortals is moving at a breakneck pace for no goddamn reason. But also, as an author trying to write a grand long-lasting romance, why would you write this. I know Feysand are gonna get married at the end of book and now when I get to that point Im not gonna be thinking "wowwww such romance" Im gonna be thinking "damn these bozos did the fae equivalent of getting eloped in vegas after knowing each other for barely a week"

Oh, men of all ages are training at this camp? would you say some of them are. child-aged

Feyre is being all "its so cold here, im freezing in my illyrian leathers I cant imagine a child with no clothes surviving here for a single day, much less eight years" (referring to Cassian) and yet she doesnt spare a single thought to all the children who have to be at this camp as well because this is the camp that the batboys grew up in, its not like this is a different kind of camp where they dont train children

God I hate Feyre thinking about how fuckin powerful the batboys are especially because its like, Rhysand is literally their high lord, he already holds so much power over the guys running this camp we dont need a reminder that he could easily crush their minds or that his goons need more syphons to contain the totality of their power or whatever

I get that these guys are like, shitty misogynists or whatever, but I dont think Rhys throwing them out of the house they live in is some #boyboss move hes just being an asshole

Rhysand would never want to lock Feyre in a house for protection, but he does want to decapitate anyone who lays a hand on her which is soooooo much better

Rhysand keeps calling the.... "females" of this camp "girls" which implies one of two things: 1) hes talking about adult women, hes just calling them girls, which is not very feminist of our feminist king, or 2) hes talking about actual girls aka children which. thank god for our feminist king having equal-opportunity child soldiers

Its actually kind of surreal how theyre at the camp where the batboys spent their CHILDhoods and Feyre keeps talking about what it mustve been like for Cassian while the narrative is actively avoiding talking about children being at the camp at this present moment while also not outright stating "there are no kids here at this present moment"

"'[The clipping of the wings is] to ensure the safety of their women, they said.'" this reminds me of something @/kateprincessofbluewhales said in regards to Rhysand forcing illyrian women to train but not doing anything else to advance their rights, which is that the wing clipping mightve started as a way for men to help women dodge the 'draft' that seems to be mandatory for all healthy illyrians. I dont really have anything else to say about that, it just popped into my head and i thought it was interesting

Rhysand is talking about how at some of the camps, women are declared anti-marriage material if they train and how he cant do anything about that and its like, even if these women are not officially declared unmarriable or whatever, the misogynistic men that make up these camps are probably not gonna wanna marry a women who trains, so what difference does that really make

Also, he says the only thing he could do about 'laws' like that is to murder the warlords and take their children/trainees? under his wing and I guess he thinks he would have to do that for every camp that does that but honestly, I think just doing it once or twice would send a powerful enough message to discourage other warlords from being misogynistic. And he wouldnt have to raise all these children all by himself either, Im sure he could get the help of a few non-sexist men or even, gasp, some women. Like those priestesses living in that library Im sure some of the ones that have already recovered from their trauma somewhat wouldnt mind teaching some boys about the harm that misogyny does

Okay so the blood rite is called a Blutritual [blood ritual] in german which is a little confusing because a ritual is a pretty specific thing and I dont think the blood rite is that specific thing but whatever, it sounds cool enough

Ive said this before, I am not a Tamlin girlie, at best I prefer him to Rhysand, and I dont like or trust Rhysand at all, but imagine hearing that tragic story about how their families killed each other, leaving them as the only survivors and being like "I cant believe Tamlin killed Rhysands family!!" especially when its like, the only person Feyre actually knows Tamlin killed is Rhysands dad who sucked ass, its not exactly a great loss

I feel like i had a lot of thoughts about a lot of things in this chapter that I couldnt write down because theyre these abstract half-thoughts, so I think I'll let those marinate until theyre full thoughts and share them with you at some later date

[askamnesiamoonjumper]

AAU ART DUMP BC IVE BEEN NEGLECTING POSTING STUFF FROM THIS WEEK:

^Wanted to do expression practice with this bit from a rp I’m doing w some mutuals :3👍

(⬇️ heads up/warning for period related jokes just incase it makes anyone uncomfortable)

^Me and my friend got a bit silly with thissorry

^Decided to doodle chapter two related meme stuff bc I’ve found that to be a trend of mine to doodle chapters as im still working on them lol ?

^More serious thing I wasn’t initially gonna post but eh why not basically tldr or context is I reworked a tinyyy bit of how Manor arc starts and wanted to doodle it (basically all I did was rework the roles to better fit character motives is all it dosnt change any of the story it’s just me switching the characters roles around for the opening if that makes sense idk I’m trying not to give too much away is all)

also Aster minion form!!! :D (dw they’re fine !! /gen, Snatcher comes by and snaps em out of it)

made a little cute art as apology for the angst lol they are buddies ok trust me I just didn’t wanna use a generic minion for the scene

^And FINALLY idea I had of mj finally learning how to use their likeeeee creation magic? If that’s a good word for it? Just bc the actual term I use for it in my head would be spoilers soooo yeah just tldr it’s the same magic that does the body horror shit to prince or like how eclipse happens or when mj transitions it’s the like the transformation magic stuff it’s that ok I’m talking about that (also the stars they are making here are not related to the ones in the horizon (atleast not directly idk how to explain it w out spoilers) so I’m not elaborating)

but uhhh yeah I think that’s it! Chapter two is going well, just taking it a bit slower bc the plot wasn’t as clear in my head when starting but it’s a lot better now so I think it’s getting somewhat close!! :D👍 anyway enjoy the doodles

[lostfracturess]

hi nici i'm back

So I stumbled on, each day collapsing into the next.  Until the next semester started and I remembered I had an actual job.

lmaoooo wait he kinda relatable for that ngl

GASSPPP SHE'S IN THE CLASS HE'S TEACHIGN omg this is so crazy. w all their history. n it's just back to square one. teacher n student. also i cant believe it's been four weeks sighhh

"Have you ever thought about how I felt when I found you?" she snapped, her voice rising. "How terrified I was when you wouldn't respond? When you couldn't even recognize me? When I thought you'd die on me?" She took a shaky breath. "Fuck Satoru, I held your face in my hands while you were barely breathing!"

YES!! LIKE SRS I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW TERRIFYING THAT WAS. omg this argument scene i canttt i mean reader kinda spittin facts but also idk it's hard for him too :((

"And that," she leaned closer, almost brushing my lips, "is what makes you the most pathetic person I know."

GODD I'M LOVING THIS FUCKING ANGST RN IT'S SO GOOD. THE ANGER IS SO PALPABLE also i just love how consistently in character reader is

But I also wanted nothing more than to fuck that attitude out of her right then and there.

HELPSDKFJSHDKF i must love toxic bc this had me UHHHHHH HAD ME FEELIN LOTS

:(( omg reader saying she's been waiting for it to get easier n how he said it would (once again proposing the song loml by ts for s&c couple) also KSDJFHSDKL suguru always walking in on them damn. send HIM to therapy too LOL

man i am EXHAUSTED for satoru rn. every single day for him is like a living hell jesus. i mean it CANNOT feel good for him to live this way, obv he's an addict but i guess i always err on the side that it's not really addicts faults?? esp when you know what goes on biochemically when it comes to addictions, they are literally almost impossible to fight, and in a lot of cases, canonically for s&c gojo too, addicts didn't WANT to be come miserable n codependent on substances. a lot of times, it's just bad place/time or someone coercing or influencing them to begin. and then they're fucked for life. the fact he's managed to become a self sufficient professor and maintain surgerical prowess while fighting an addiction is incredible, but he neeeeeds to get clean. like, there's nothing more important rn than for him to just. literally put himself in rehab, in therapy, etc. idk. im word vomiting here but i just really hope he gets genuine professional help. ive always found it interesting how doctors are at times the most careless of their own health

DAMNNN he called her a bitch.

oh my godsshhh the hATE SEX. PLS.

"You're a fucking hypocrite, you know that?" I leaned closer, my mouth close to her ear. "You hate who I am, but you crave this, don't you? Giving up control, being at my mercy. Admit it."

sighhhh. yes.

I leaned down over her, my hand snaking into her hair. I grabbed it tightly, forcing her head up to meet mine. "I love you, first-year," I murmured against her ear. She trembled, but her defiance remained strong. "I hate you." I sighed — always so fierce, makes me wonder what it takes to fuck that stubborn attitude out of her.  "It's alright, I love you enough for both of us."

HEEELPPP IM DECEASED THIS IS SO SEXY AND SO TOXIC AT THE SAME TIME SFKJHSDKFJS

damn. this chapter was just pure angst. im ngl gojo's brain is an insane thing, and the way you WROTE THISSS NICI???? literal poetry. i cannot believe how you can make me feel sm emotions n im like exhauted rn. emotionally worn out. but in a good way lol idk if this makes sense, but in the sense that it hurts so good?? anyways yet another awesome chapter, thanks sm for your hard work :''')

hello in part two !!

GASSPPP SHE'S IN THE CLASS HE'S TEACHIGN omg this is so crazy. w all their history. n it's just back to square one. teacher n student. also i cant believe it's been four weeks sighhh

they really are back to the beginning, but still everything changed, i loved this idea that they have this kind of seeing each other for the first time again in class as like in the beginning of the story 🫠💔

HELPSDKFJSHDKF i must love toxic bc this had me UHHHHHH HAD ME FEELIN LOTS

lol you're not the only one haha

also KSDJFHSDKL suguru always walking in on them damn. send HIM to therapy too LOL

poor suguru – the man needs a break from walking in on this trainwreck of a relationship. and yeah, a good therapist wouldn't hurt him either 😂😂

& yes ur talk about addiction is spot on. it breaks my heart, too, because that ongoing internal struggle is a huge part of what makes gojo such a compelling character.

his addiction isn't just a simple choice, it's incredibly complex, especially when you factor in his history and the immense pressure he faces every day. and his self-hatred and guilt just fuel the cycle.

and yes gojo desperately needs help, but for him, there's that added layer of fear – the fear of vulnerability, the fear of failure, and the overwhelming belief that he doesn't deserve help. really tragic. shame the author for writing this pewww !!

DAMNNN he called her a bitch.

i found it hilarious ngl 😂😂

ahhh, thank you so so much for always reading, commenting, and sharing your thoughts so generously ellie. it truly means the world to me 😭😭❤️

[pacificwaternymph]

so ive been reading your kid xornoth stuff and i really like it! and i saw that you had a s2 au with the witch shelby and i thought, ‘what if s2 shelby is s1 shelbys reincarnation, and xornoth also gets reincarnated?’ idk how they meet but kid xornoth, in my head, might become sort of an apprentice to witch shelby.

anyways heres to hoping this ask makes sense i woke up at 7am and its now 2am lol have a good day!

Aw, thank you!

I really like that idea, especially since Sausage has been pushing the reincarnation plotline, it's pretty plausible.

In this scenario, I imagine it going something like this:

Shelby finds a kid wandering around in the Evermoore. He's lost and confused and scared, his clothes are torn up, and he's covered in mud and dirt and infected cuts and scrapes. They look like they haven't eaten in days.

Shelby takes him back to her witch hut, of which he is suspicious and a bit scared. They say that them and their brother don't have good experiences with witches, but she reassures them that she isn't going to hurt them. He doesn't fully believe her, but he's desperate enough to follow her anyway.

She cleans the kid up and treats his injuries, asking how long he was in there. They respond that they don't know, but it had to have at least been a couple of days. His memory is all messed up, he can't remember a single thing about the time he spent in the fog.

She asks them what their name is, and they tell her it's Xornoth. She asks if he has any family she can contact, to which he replies yes, he has a twin brother. Shelby starts picking up ingredients to do a cauldron call (basically like a facecam call but through a cauldron) and asks what their brother's name is. She nearly drops the bottle she was holding when he says his name is Scott.

She checks to reaffirm that they're thinking of the same Scott, before calling him. He’s kind of confused why she called him, but the second she mentions Xornoth… he goes still. She asks if he’s okay, which he ignores and says he’ll be right there, and hangs up.

Of course, Shelby’s a little concerned and more than a little confused, but she reassures Xornoth that their brother is on his way and should be here soon.

He seems relieved, saying he’s glad Scott made it out, which confuses her even more because Scott hasn’t been to the Evermoore in at least a week, and he’s certainly never mentioned getting lost in it. She’s about to ask them what they mean, when there’s a loud thump from outside, and suddenly the doorbell starts ringing over and over.

Shelby opens it and lets Scott in. He’s severely distressed, and grips Shelby by the forearms, asking desperately where is he? Where’s Xornoth? She leads him upstairs, where Xornoth is sitting on her bed, and when the two see one another, they freeze.

Xornoth asks what happened to Scott.

“What happened to me!? What happened to YOU!?”

Yeah. So turns out, Xornoth and Scott are twins. Or- they were. Xornoth swore they were only in the Evermoore for a few days. But Scott’s twin had been missing for ten years.

[haejjoon]

BARKBARK I LOVE TRANS HCS im not trans myself but when i see how happy they make my trans friends & my partner???? TOSSES THEM AROUND LIKE CANDY u get a trans hc! u get a trans hc! WE ALL GET TRANS HCS

also may i say. adhd/autistic phantoms ? good shit

also ur mention of how trans goro is more common than trans akiren makes me wanna pop off about infantilization in fandoms and how it ties into misogyny, trans-misogyny and nsfw content and its characterizations and just fjbvkfnb. im a social sciences major and i LOVE discussing infantilization in the context of sex and gender and disability i love that shit. anyway idk where i was going with this but tldr i love ur characterization of goro <3

OHHHHH ANON YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST STARTED.....

prefacing this by saying: i have adhd. although i haven't been able to be properly diagnosed (with the things hooked up to my head etc etc) thanks to america's stunning healthcare, i am like.. 99.999999% sure i have it. my therapist, who i used to see regularly, agrees that i probably have it.

NOW. i'm sure we all know that futaba sakura our favorite gremlin girl ever exhibits some clear symptoms of autism. i don't need to get into it because there's a million and one analyses out there about her behavior, but i will say that i both love/hate how atlus depicted her. on one hand i love that the group just.. accepts her for who she is, i love that they don't try to change her, i love that they don't fall into the "ooh you're so smart though so your disability MUST be a superpower!" trap, and that they mold around her to suit her, and not the other way around.

THAT BEING SAID.....

i have SUCH a bone to pick with how they decided to go about her 'healing' arc. the phantom thieves give her a week--a WEEK--to readjust to society. and yeah i guess that while you could argue that she's just had her trauma supernaturally lobotomized out of her, it doesn't change the fact that she's... still gone through it, you know? just because she learned to stop hating herself for things out of her control doesn't mean her social anxiety disappears in a snap. she turns out alright by the end but the extremely pushy nature of the thieves to get her out of her shell ALWAYS rubbed me wrong. taking things slow and one step at a time is wonderful, and i'm glad they decided to go about that approach instead of just throwing her to the beach like they originally wanted, but they still should have taken it... slower. one week is HARDLY enough.

also, i fucking hate how they constantly talk about her while she's in the same room as them, as if she can't hear what they're saying. they said things like, "oh she's pretty normal, huh" and "she can hold a conversation just fine!" and while their behavior isn't one completely out of the ordinary for dumb teenagers to exhibit, it still really, really pisses me off that they do it wiht her in the SAME ROOM. im sure it wasn't meant to come off this way, but i always got the feeling that they attributed her 'quirkiness' to her not understanding how groups worked at all, which is why they were so open about discussing HER MENTAL HEALTH without including her in the conversation.

okay i'm done with futaba--quick hcs im throwing out there: ryuji has adhd, yusuke also has autism, mishima has autism, goro has ocd. boom bam bop, you've been hit by the 'tism beam.

PLEASE DO POP OFF ABOUT THE INFANTILISM it's honestly such a gross sight.... the amount of times ive seen goro depicted as some small, feminine twink is genuinely staggering, and it's always left such a bad taste in my mouth because i KNOW it's because his character, at least for the majority of the plot, is polite and soft spoken.

not to mention how incredibly fetishizing it feels. i won't get too into it, but the amount of shuakeshu ive seen where one is drawn/written as larger than life/confident/suave and the other is meek/skinny/easily embarrassed? ohhh my god. please. akiren isn't some smooth jerk who makes goro blush with a well-placed quip, and goro isn't a crazed yandere who shuts akiren away from the rest of the world. they're both fucking losers who don't know how to process their feelings for the other because of their very, very embarrassing rivalry. stop degrading one to fit your perfect mlm narrative.

sigh i didn't mean for this to become a social commentary or anything, but .. lo and behold... here we are. i'd love to hear your thoughts on my takes, anon, and i'd love to hear the thoughts for anyone who read thru this too! while i do have adhd/am trans i can't speak for those who fall under the autism spectrum or for cis gay men, so if you'd like to correct me in my thinking PLEASE go ahead and do so, i'd love to be educated on topics i don't fully understand. have a good one <3

[kasaneteto]

things that have been on my mind recently:

1) i miss the posting format of twitter. well i guess not the posting so much as the following format. the posting aspect is not that different from tumblr i just miss having a private space to ramble, because tumblr is much more anyone-can-see-it. private instagrams arent the same. passworded blogs arent the same either cuz iirc those posts dont show up on your dash so thats more like screaming into a void. fuck you elon musk for taking away my safe space 🖕 it has been nice to talk more with people i wasn’t seeing on twitter tho. so im glad about that at least. its also VERY nice to not have a character limit

2) i use romantic relationships as a crutch in my life which is why theyve all turned out the way they have. or at least part of it. i need to have a relationship that moves slowly but ive never had that. every relationship ive ever had was like, jumping head first into the deep end. there was no build up or anything it was just “i like you” “i like you too” “okay we are dating now” and then i spend all day every day with that person until i get tired of them and the relationship. its fucked up!!!! i don’t want to be like that!!!! i have no idea when ill be ready for a new relationship but when i am i need to be pickier. i need to go for someone who’s exactly my type. because i also need to learn how to be independent and im still learning that. but once im independent enough to start dating again i need to wait for the perfect person to come into my life & then throw everything at them. (had a whole long thing describing my type here that i cut bc i dont want anyone to think im describing them and get weird in my dms. idk i attract desperate weirdos like flies so im being careful leave me alone) and who knows how long it will take to find someone like that! could take forever! anyways ive gone way off the rails here but the point im trying to make is that im perfectly content waiting for the perfect person to come into my life because i need to be focused on myself right now anyways.

3) i do very poorly with guilt & feeling like ive upset someone important to me. especially if the upset feels justified to me. my brain tends to rationalize my behavior for me by thinking things like “thats a weird thing to be upset by” or something when like. that doesn’t matter. maybe this is a normal thing to do but i wish guilt didnt consume me the way it does. even after ive apologized and the person has forgiven me im still so guilt ridden that it makes me depressed. its so weird. i don’t understand it at all. its something i gotta talk to my therapist abt. thats why im writing all of this down anyways is so ill remember what i wanna talk to her abt this week lol

[rottytops]

i definitely think the adhd medication (successfully) rewired my brain and made me seek out long term goals over short term pleasure like i have been literally my entire life so now my current goals are to unfuck my credit to move away from my shitty roomies, get my new car and actually get into an ltr lmao

SUPRISINGLY ENOUGH 2 of these 3 goals are either in progress or very obtainable ive been saving a tunna cash and i can get a new car next month after i get my license renewed and ive found this cute little studio that i can maybe move into if i get help co-signing it, then ill just camp out there until my loans are paid off in 50000 years

the last one though.,,,,its so weird. the like. burning fervor to date someone long term kinda slugged me in the back of the head! ive always WANTED a nice relationship but it was never a PRIORITY to me bc i had video games or whatever. these new feelings made me realize ive been living my life like. entirely for myself which is FINE but my standards for myself (combined with how ADHD made me content with literally anything as long as it was easy) make me like. gutter trash tier as a partner, i think. essentially as i am now, unless the other person is equal parts deranged and shitty, im utterly unlovable which is like. tough tits i guess. but if im honest about it i can at least try to change it. part of me is conflicted; if i have to change myself to become more datable, is the person really dating me, or am i just creating a false persona to get conditional love. its a scary thought but at the same time im not really changing MYSELF past getting in shape and taking care of my skin, its more im giving up on being a dopamine addicted manchild and getting my own apartment. with my own car and stuff...these are actually just completely normal goals to have and i already wanted them i just kinda have new motivation for it lmao!

you cant just force a relationship and theres no way im attracting the hoes to me in my shitty room, so i think i need to??? go??? outside??? and hang out with ppl??? utterly mortifying but when i get my car next month i think i can actually do that. id like to make more irl friends as well, i had a bunch of friends in college so. i guess ill go to more smash locals or something but outside of that sigh sigh i have no idea.

these major revelations have all hit me in like the past 2 weeks, since i started my medication and the dosage was upped, i have a lot of work to do and not that much time to do it, really!!!! i hope i can become someone like. worth keeping around in a few months time...!!! the pieces are there i just need to like, put them together....



i could write a whole thing on how mad i am that it took me so long to get medicated and how fast i became a Normal Person after being on meds but like idk that line of thinking doesnt help anybody...!! i accomplished so much even with my debilitating ADHD and now i can do so much more with a mindset that can actually handle the shit neurotypical people expect me to be able to do, considering how im literally good at everything, combined with how ive managed to survive this long with almost no real help from irl people (seriously ive gotten more assistance from my online friends than literally anybody in my family both financially and emotionally) means that me WITH medication is gonna go absolutely insane. im going to be like ultra rich this time next year, probably LMAO....or at least have a boyfriend AURHUFG



anyway if u read this for some reason i love u and also give me ideas on going out and meeting people, i think i can hold a conversation just fine but where do people even GO. do you guys think ppl at bars or whatever know about disgaea. hmmm.

[iamthecomet]

There is something truly fucked up about finally having the insane desire to write (no more writers block), AND THEN NOT HAVING THE TIME TO WRITE.

School has been railing me in the ass so I havent had time to sit and write. All of my ideas and damn near fully formed stories are just floating around in my head— taunting me. I cant wait to catch up on kinktober. There’s so much in my head that I just dont have the time to get out onto paper.

Anyways. There’s Vee’s yelling of the week cause no one irl knows I write, so I cant bitch and groan to them.

How have you been?

No writing time for me, but I’ve been making time to consume kinktober works (obviously you included). And Ive gotta say, this is one of the very. very few things getting me through it all. Its all so fucking good. Everything.

Shit has me barking.

Have some nipples as a thank you.

Also. Idk of it’s exactly what you’re into. But did you see the Sick New World lineup? Im so gd upset I cant go. It looks so cool. I like upwards of a dozen bands playing that day.

This happens to me WITHOUT FAIL when I'm driving, or in the shower. I hope that school stops railing you and you find the time to get the words out soon! I'm trying to get caught up with Kinktober, and having a blast with it. I'm glad that you're enjoying reading it. There is SO MUCH GOOD SHIT. I haven't gotten caught up with everyone else's writing/art (or my own) yet and I'm trying, but it's HARD. It's such a good month. I'm so glad October exists. Sick New Word lineup is VERY good. Honestly if I lived near there I'd think about going SOLEY for System of a Down since we all know they're never going to do an actual tour again. I just want once chance to see them live, JUST ONE. But besides them the lineup is STACKED, and it's going to be an insane show. Thank you so much for the NIPPLES. I love this picture of him very much.

[httpiastri]

https://www.tumblr.com/httpiastri/750131786833608704/this-took-way-longer-than-expected-but-im

hi again!! pepe’s stream has actually been deleted bc twitch deletes streams after 7 days unless they’re some special twitch streamer (??) i think? but even then, i think those streams also only stay up for about a month or so unless the streamers themselves save it or something but i’m not too sure tbh 😓😓

i’m just grateful that we have the timestamps listed out and stuff so we don’t forget the very special moments in his stream but it is very unfortunate that we can’t just go back and rewatch the whole thing again (actually really heartbroken and upset about this☹️☹️) i have some screenshots of the moments i mentioned and then like some screen recordings of a few moments like his little dance and him cursing and then one of him making some weird sound in reaction to a moment in quali or during the F1A watch along (i forgot which 😭😭) so i’ll probably just be rewatching those over and over again and holding them close to me while i wait for the day where he decided to bless me and stream again (and i PRAY that that day comes soon because ive just started a new school and i miss the little racing filled bubble ive been living in for so long)

anyway i hope you’ve had a lovely weekend so far jackie!! if you ever stumble across one of my posts on tumblr (unlikely, but always possible, because i do sign off with the same emoji) say hi!! if your weekend hasn’t been that good so far then i do hope it gets better and that the week ahead is far more amazing and beautiful than the ones before!!

- 🪷

i had no idea twitch does that?? that's so rude 😠 that's actually such a bad feature shsjdshdj im heartbroken :(

but yes i feel you, let's be thankful that it happened instead of crying because it's gone 💔I MISSED OUT ON SCREEN RECORDING THE DANCE ??? but i have like 20 clips of cute pepe laughter so 🥰🥰 but yes i hope he understands how much we adored that stream and how much we crave another one… 🥲

(a new school? so exciting!! hope you have a lot of fun and make a lot of new friends 😚 but god yes, like my life is 50% racing (in my head) these days but i cant wait for the summer to arrive just because i miss the crazy racing bubble i was in for like three months…. pepe would definitely help out with fixing that rn 🫶)

also just gonna include your next ask here bcs it's the same theme:

you're making me so curious? omg?? now im gonna be searching through all of tumblr just to find a post with your emoji 🥺 i def will say hi if i find you !!!

also omfg. i just realized something…. i have this board on pinterest with pics of random couples & so on that remind me of my fave drivers, and each driver has their own like board in the board. all of them are named with the driver's initials, his number and two emojis, and !! guess what emoji i have for pepe???? ofc it's the freaking lotus flower 😭 idk i just wanted to share this, thanks 😚

hope you have a lovely day/night/morning/anything whenever you see this !!! and hope you have a lovely week <33

[silasopossum]

just got the notification that my base is officially in transit to the USA, so im gonna discuss my plans for him rq :]

so basically, all my fursonas have historically been feline (once i got over my horse art phase. i was never really connected to my horse sona anyways). i WOULD have gotten a feline headbase, but the problem with that is very few makers specifically sell a BOBCAT base, it's usually a canadian lynx or domestic cat or lion or something. cool, but i love focusing on small details in species differences so it would bug me forever if i put my bobcat fursona on a canadian lynx base. the other issue is that if i DID make a fursuit for my bobcat sona, i would 100% want a realistic base, since her cartoony design changes so often. plenty of makers sell realistic 3d printed or resin bases, however i am NOT confident in my ability to transfer a realistic design onto a base myself (especially since most realism fursuits involve airbrushing. i dont think i could do that well in an ideal environment, much less my 115 square foot bedroom which is my only workspace). i just dont feel i would be able to do her justice... and i wouldnt really want a toony styled head for my actual fursona.

and making a base myself isn't an option because 1. i cant even sculpt clay symmetrically, it'd drive me crazy if i tried it and 2. aforementioned tiny apartment problems. im not dealing with foam going everywhere... OR learning how to 3d model and print or resin pour or whatever else people use to make fursuits.

so i was looking through makers just for funsies and then i found the opossum base by ligris cybernetics / ligrisprints. and idk why but every ounce of my impulsive body decided "YES. OPOSSUM FURSUIT. NOW." ive never even had an opossum fursona before so i have no idea why i was suddenly so sure about it. but i was! so i decided to just make a new character specifically for this project.

i decided on the name silas (at the URL implies) and i designed a quick character on the fly, based entirely off of photos of real opossums instead of already having an idea. this was interesting for me, since i didnt realize how common the white spots on opossum ears are? i always thought they were only black, but most photos i found showed a little bit of pink/white so i added it to the design

(quick sketch, drawn over the sale image on ligris cybernetics' website. i also loosely based this off of the stylization of my one other opossum character's design. the black bits under the eyes are going to be eyelashes, cut out of felt. the grey will PROBABLY be fur markings, but i might change that to black felt too)

opossums are also fairly easy to design, since they are typically recognizable with only two fur colors (white and grey), and their faces are usually mostly white. it'll be easier for me if i only have to buy two fur colors.

another thing i'm planning on is having handpaws- this will be easy since opossums always have naked fingers... so i'm planning on just buying a pair of fingerless gloves and adding fur to the glove part and leaving my fingers out. will be much easier to wear too

one thing im unsure of is how to fur a moving jaw... ill need to look up some tutorials for this. because i think if i dont add at least a little fur around the hinge, the mouth will look way too wide...

another small issue is that this maker tells tpu ears for basically any species EXCEPT opossums. so my plan is to buy some fosshape plastic and make ears out of that? ill also add minky fur OR felt to them to add the color patterns. i havent decided between the two yet, but i think painting the ears would look strange? even if it's technically more accurate for the real animal.

i also got some fur color swatches a few weeks ago. getting swatches from fursuitsupplies, i tried out baby pink monster, silver lux fox, super short white, silver beaver, and silver lux shag. i like the color of the silver lux fox best, but the texture of the lux shag seems better for an opossum character, so i'm unsure. the beaver feels nice but is too short for what i want the longer bits of fur to be. the super short is nice, but i will still probably get the fur all in one length and just shave it. the monster fur feels gross to touch so i'm definitely not using that. i already know what minky fabric is like so i didn't bother getting samples for that (but i probably will order samples when i decide concretely on what fur to get once the base comes in, just to be sure of the color before i spend money on it).

i'm thinking of covering the nose of the base with pink minky OR pink felt, but i'm not sure if that would work with the base, so i'll decide that once i actually get my hands on it. otherwise, i will be painting it. i also think i'm gonna make a tongue with minky fabric

tail will also be a thing. since opossum tails are prehensile, i want to make it posable... i thought about using plastic ball joints / doll spines, but i know from my longfurby adventures that those are kind of heavy, so i think i will use wire instead.

not gonna bother with a bodysuit, those sound hellish to walk around in. i'm just gonna wear long sleeves and long pants

another thing i an excited / nervous about is adding hair... i want silas to have hair. SPECIFICALLY revenge era gerard way hair

and i know a lot of fursuit makers create hair by putting together pulled-out yarn OR brushing out fur both ways... but i don't like how that looks. since if were meant to believe that a plush in the case of a fursuit tail is flesh, and fur is their actual skin/fur... then it's just like... amorphous globosus... or a gigantic skin tag / tumor... TO ME... many fursuits make this look amazing don't get me wrong but i just couldnt get it out of my head if it was on my own suit. so i decided that i'm going to try and weft the hair, like in this tutorial? https://www.tiktok.com/@chaoticreations/video/7334668616350092577 (sorry for tiktok link, i know this creator uploads to youtube but i couldn't find the short) and this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo4FCmT1DP8 i'm thinking that depending on how i'm able to fur the head, i might be able to make a kind of wig thing that magnets on? i don't want to add the hair directly onto the head in case it looks like shit and i get tired of it, so i want it easily removable. might use velcro instead... also want it really long in the back.

i also got the eye mesh pre-installed on the head by the maker. which will be easy for me if i like it... however i DID request slit pupils and i'm second guessing that decision right now. i'm also unsure if i shouldve made them green instead of grey... but i guess i'll see it once it arrives :]

i also was JUST barely in the sizing for a "small" size head according to this maker, but just to be safe i ordered a "medium" size head instead. if it's to big (which it probably will be), i'm going to add foam inside, which will probably make it more comfortable anyways. iirc you can also use foam to hide the hinges in moving jaws? so i can just use the foam for that too. not sure yet.

and i already have sandpaper and stuff for sanding down the 3d print. just gotta wait for it to arrive... probably a month since it's gonna go from poland to the usa... if it gets lost in shipping i WILL cry (since mail people love to just not deliver to my apartment complex. because apartments are haaaaaaaard to deliver to (even though all the doors are easily accessible from the street with no key necessary)...)

[thelastevilregal]

oh my god you want hear about problems? i have SO many problems and my Work Therapist just moved to miami so i have a backlog

so .. back in october i accidentally. slept with my housemate uhh not realizing she had had feelings for me for like a year and a half and we ended up dating for like 2 months. i realized i wanted to break it off around thanksgiving but didnt work up the nerve until the new year partly bc i got hit by a car early december and had to get her to pick me up from the er and then she did a lot to take care of me after and. AHH.

im ok now also but. i broke up w her right after we both got back from visiting our families for xmas and i was like i HAVE to do it tonight bc we had scheduled a 'roommate mtg' w all 4 of us to confront our other bitch roommate over how shitty she was acting and i was like. if i dont do this now then our relationship is going to come up in this talk. and i cant sit and defend us while actively wanting to break up ykkkkk?? ughh i felt so bad for it but the straw that had broke the camels back with bitch roommate was that when i told her that me and ex were dating, the cunt had the nerve to pull a face and say "yikes" before slamming the bathroom door in my face. then 15 seconds later yank it open again and snark "you couldnt have said something before we moved to a new place?" i was like "bitch its been a week wtf are you talking about" and she slammed the door again. as though id been dating my ex in 'secret' for like 6 months since our last apt???? IM not the one whos weird and cagey about my sex life. bitch roommate is the one who lied to me about being a virgin for some reason and then actively hid her sex life from me for the next 4 years in order to maintain that lie, as though i give a single solitary shit who or if she fucks????

but so bitch roommate and i did not speak again until the roommate meeting. at the end of which i was like 'k ig lemme clear the air about dnd' (i had my dm kick her out of my dnd group—they are MY friends to begin with and we were starting a new campaign with a much paired down party specifically bc we didnt want roommate bs at the table. the morning after he did she TEXTED me at 6:22am like 'i know youre afraid of conflict but this is fucking weird if you have a problem say it to me' as though cheap jabs will get me to talk to you. obviously i ignored her). cunt had the nerve to go 'yeah what was that about?' as though she really had no idea what she couldve done. im like bitch wtfym what was that about?? have you not noticed we havent spoken in 2 months?? she gave a half hearted 'i guess im sorry' when i told her she had been so far out of pocket it was ridiculous.

but again. id also broken up w my ex the night before all of that. so she had been planning to micromanage the shit out of this conversation and then ended up being an emotional wreck. i felt so bad but i was like i HAD to yknow???? she said we could go back to being friends......

so that was 2 months ago now. i 'gave her space' for the first few weeks (p much avoiding being at the house like i had when i was actively avoiding bitch roommate) and its been several weeks since ive like. checked in with her emotionally. shes finally started acting more normal around me again, mostly at my queue. she watched alien with me last weekend. opposite end of the couch, where she used to lean her head on my shoulder before we dated. although actually maybe that was a romantic feelings thing?? fuck. i dont know how to know if im being like, callous by just acting like things are the same as before, or if i should be doing something different, and its hard bc we have opposite work schedules so i dont see her most days anyway and idk how to talk to her about it. we havent gone into each others bedrooms beyond talking in the doorways since breaking up, but like it feels like a conversation we need to have in private, no?? ughhhhhhh i hate this. idk how to prompt this, nor what i actually need to ask her to begin with..... just like, are we actually okay, yknow?

my old work therapist thought my problems were hilarious. like an american telanovela. i was like well at least someone is enjoying this situation :/

You know I don't think I can even give you any terrible advice for this situation. Sounds like you got that part handled. Just keep doing what you're doing 💯

[moldgarden]

Day 1

No increase, thank goodness. We were all surprised with the small loss in my weight this week, but I’m so grateful they didn’t increase my plan because I’m STRUGGLING with this one.

Therapy with the new to me therapist went okay overall. But she’s hardcore convinced my body weight is too low. She doesn’t think I’m cognitively “all there” when she also commented how much better I seem this session. Also, I am fully here. Present. Logical. Struggling, some. But capable of making good decisions and being included in conversations. I’m not a child.

I let it slip that Ive needed my eating disorder for so long and so I’m not convinced I still don’t need it. But the goal is to figure out how not to need it. Well, she had me try and “prove” I needed it on the spot and I always get flustered and can’t think when an immediate answer is expected.. And to some degree, no, I don’t need it. Of course I don’t. But it’s more nuanced than that. She’s talked with me for a total of 1 hour and 15 minutes and knows nothing about myself or my life. She’s just getting way ahead of where I’m at.

So my journal currently begs the question of why I feel I need it, and I’m thinking it through. Because I’m sick of it and would be done with it by now if it didn’t serve a purpose.

Overall, I think this team doubts me. And that’s okay, I guess. It’s shitty, but it is what it is. I just don’t know if I want to “prove” them right or wrong. I want to do this for me and my values. Not because four people of the 7 billion on the planet think this and going inpatient is my only way to heal.

…

Anyway, therapy was fine, yoga was great, and then my RD session was okay. She said we’ll probably look at an increase next week which will only make sense in my head if I maintain/lose because otherwise why would we? I’m open to it but closed to the idea that I need to gain XX lbs. They’ve all at some point agreed it was set too high, so idk why that’s now the only number they’ll accept.

…

IOP was okay. I felt really awful trying to decide on a meal and then sitting with people I know and people I don’t know and pretending I’m fine because if you don’t finish your meal you’re instantly kicked out of IOP and I don’t want to go inpatient. Anyway I finished the meal (ya woo go me…😥 or whatever) but I am so incredibly full and I can’t seem to reason with myself.

…

After programming I got groceries. I spent way too much even though I’m positive all things will be used well/fully. But ideally I won’t need to shop more this week because I’ve got what I need? I probably spent the same amount on weeks I haven’t fully budgeted and meal planned for. I think it’s just gonna take some time to get back into the swing of things.

Trying to will myself into a snack. A grain, a fruit and 2 fat sources. Apple, graham crackers and pb. Or something like it. Simple.

But oh so not easy.