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nicistrying · 7 years

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I'm feeling really good mentally lately and i just wanted to make a little post of encouragement hoping it might let some of my followers know you're not alone if you're going through similar things ☺ So 2 years ago in August of 2015, just a week before going back to sixth form to complete my A-levels and only a few weeks after spending a month in Costa Rica with a group from sixth form, trekking and doing charity work and feeling my confidence soar, I woke up in the middle of the night and had a really severe panic attack. I had no idea what was going on, I just felt completely out of control of my body and I was hot and cold at the same time, I tried to get up to go to my nanna's room but I was blacking out so I just ran round the house aimlessly shouting that I was having a heart attack until I ran into a door and knocked myself out. I came round with no idea where I was and we called an ambulance and I waited 4 hours for them to come. It felt like a lifetime and when they did arrive, the paramedics concluded I'd had a panic attack and told me to get some rest and learn to deal with stress better to avoid another one. I spent that day trying to sleep but if I was ever alone in a room I felt like there were heavy chains round my ankles and wrists, my chest tightened and the room spun. That went on for a week or so, I just couldn't bear to be left alone and there was another night we had to call an ambulance. Then I started to get a bit better, I went to sixth form and tried to focus on studying but would have to run to the first aid room a few times a day to be reassured I wasn't dying (luckily the nurse was my friend's mam so she was lovely to me), but I was still terrified to sleep and every night without fail I would wake up at some point thinking I was dying, I'd go to my parents' room so I wasn't alone and sit on the floor shaking until it went away. Then one night I went in and my stepmam just said 'No. Go back to bed, we haven't had any sleep for weeks, go to bed and don't come back I'm sick of this, me and your dad are exhausted.' So I went back to my room feeling horrified that she was going to leave me to lie in bed thinking I was dying alone and called a friend instead. Matthew became my go-to when I woke up in the night dizzy and unable to walk, I was terrified to try to go to the toilet in case my legs gave way, they felt so weak. So that went on for months and I never told my parents anything about my panic attacks or the constant anxiety I felt, the constant fear that I was about to have a heart attack. I wouldn't eat anything fatty, I was terrified of red meat and especially mince because I could see all the fat. I thought the fat would clog my arteries and I'd have a heart attack. So I lost a hell of a lot of weight because of my loss of appetite (I was also supposed to take beta-blockers before my food but they triggered an attack when I took them because I knew they slowed my heart - I was terrified my heart would suddenly just stop). One particularly bad night (the anxiety would start building about 7pm as bedtime got closer and it would get worse and worse as the night went on), I went back downstairs after going to bed bc I was scared. Again my stepmam told me I wasn't trying hard enough and that if I didn't get help I'd turn out like my crazy cousin and they'd send me away to a psychiatric hospital. She and my dad were disgusting in the way they tried to deal with it. I called a therapy service but the waiting list was 10 months. During those months, I forced myself out to house parties every weekend to avoid being in the house alone, but one weekend there wasn't a party anywhere and I thought I'd at least try being home while my parents were out. I got a bit anxious and called my nanna and was on the phone to her when my parents got back, drunk. My dad took the phone and hung up and started screaming at me that I had to stop this, it was pathetic and he wouldn't put up with it any longer. He grabbed my leg and wouldn't let go until he was done shouting, despite the fact I was almost passing out from fear. I was terrified and from then I had the added fear that he'd either kill me or rape me. I know it's awful to think that about your own dad but I was clearly not thinking straight and that one night scared the hell out of me. So he started taking me and my sister out in his van after tea every night to walk the dog and I was terrified the whole time that he might just break my legs and leave me on the moors in the cold. Of course he never did, his heart was in the right place. He was just trying to get me out of the house and show me the world wasn't as scary as I thought. And now I seriously appreciate that effort but he went about it in the most awful way. Fast forward a year or so, I finally got to see a couple of therapists and they helped me to set goals and start challenging my anxiety and the panic attacks weren't happening quite so often. I'd started walking my dog on my own and eventually got back into running to learn I wouldn't die if I exerted myself but there were still times when they'd creep up on me out of nowhere when I was stressed. One day I couldn't start my shift at work because of an attack and Matthew from earlier who I'd been calling in the night, now my boyfriend, took me to his house where his parents let me eat with them and his dad cuddled me on the couch with a stupid cartoon while Matthew worked my shift. During exam season when I was able to revise but not effectively because I got so uncomfortable being home alone, Matthew would let me stay at his house for a few days at a time to get some revision done and I stayed there the night before A level results came out and we opened our university acceptance letters together. And I got all As. I was so proud of myself for surviving sixth form that year when I'd had to leave class due to panic attacks so often, all the teachers were aware of my awful anxiety which was extremely embarrassing and the school even called my dad telling him to get me put on medication or I'd fail my exams (I stopped taking my beta blockers after a few months because they made me ill; I was now eating almost normally and refused to take any medication and got straight As and was accepted into my first choice university so FUCK THOSE TEACHERS WHO HAD NO FAITH IN ME). Anyway so now I've just finished my first year of uni and while it definitely challenged my anxiety (I had a lot of panic attacks during freshers and I missed out on the chance to make friends so the rest of the year was really anxiety-provoking because I was so scared of what everyone else thought of me, the loner girl in their classes) I can happily say I DID IT and believe me, I didn't think I could. My dad's words stayed with me and I saw myself as a hideous, pathetic piece of crap. At times I really thought I'd be dead before I finished first year. BUT with Matthew's help and an ever-growing faith in God, I've done it! And over the last few months I've seen huge improvements in my anxiety; I remember at Easter getting really down thinking I'd never be able to sleep on my own without Matthew on the phone or someone else in the room but the last few weeks I've called him to say goodnight and then hung up and gone to sleep alone!! That's a HUGE achievement for me because every night for the last year and a half I've called him to go sleep and kept him on the line for comfort and so I can just shout if I had an attack and he'd wake up to reassure me. The other week I drove to the shop on the big scary city roads to buy food all by myself which I never thought I'd do! And despite being extremely on-edge because of the recent terror attacks which really shook me up, I've been into town a few times with confidence. And right now I'm just over the moon with everything. So please, if you think you're at your lowest ever point, please believe me it will get better. Even without an amazing support network, even if you have to do it mostly alone like I did when my parents wanted nothing to do with my anxiety, you CAN do it! Sorry for the rant but I really hope it might help someone just to see that it does get better.

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convenientalias · 6 years

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A Summary of My Fics in 2018

I found this post lying around and apparently I forgot to post it two weeks ago at the New Year’s when I first made it, so. Here’s a list of the fics I wrote in 2018, with some musings etc.

** = Personal favorite.

# = I wish it had more comments.

Animorphs

on a night like this one (1952 words)--A Cassie/Rachel fic written for the Smut Exchange in April, so not a whole lot of plot! I was inspired by a prompt asking for Cassie as the gentle dom, which seemed like such an interesting concept.

falcon falcon, burning bright (2264 words)--Written for Bad Things Happen Bingo in June, a fic about Visser Three capturing Jake. The square I wrote it for was “The Collector”.

Whales and Dolphins and Humans and Yeerks (1416 words)--A Cassie/Aftran fic. Written on one of those probably-too-frequent occasions I opened for femslash prompts. I’d kind of always wanted to write some Caftran? But never got around to it bc I have too many damn fandoms. (...fandamns.)

Avatar: The Last Airbender

...wow, I wrote six fics for this fandom this year. Guess it was more of an ATLA year than I thought.

Largely bc of keircatenation, btw, who sent me a couple very nice prompts.

Kyoshi Wood (This Bird Has Flown) (1726 words)--Dysfunctional Tyzula fic, the first ATLA fic I have ever posted on AO3 (...though I have in the past posted a number on ff.net). Written because I listened to the song “Norwegian Wood” and instantly thought, “Welp, that’s a Tyzula vibe.” The first ATLA fic I wrote this year and it was already July...guess my ATLA content has been all in the past five months.

** every feudal lord needs a loyal handmaiden (13883 words)--Moooore Tyzula! This fic was for the Femslash After Dark Exchange in July which should make it more smutty than it is! But I figure the mature rating is justified by the various dark goings-on. Anyways, this is basically me writing the political intrigue Tyzula fic of my dreams, which is how it got so damn long. I’m quite happy with it.

a snow fight (1660 words)--...and I’m not happy with this one! I was prompted “No holds barred beatdown” for Zuko in Bad Things Happen Bingo and I tried my best but I think I just wasn’t in the right headspace. Came out kind of eh.

changing, losing, staying (3906 words)--Written when I opened for femslash prompts and received the prompt "'I can't afford to lose you too' + Suki/Ty Lee". Postcanon, pretty chill, longer than I expected it to be by the time I was done.

** because it would be a waste (1891 words)--Brief Azutara fic for the prompt of "Azula/Katara, set in a Bad Future AU where Azula is Fire Lord and Katara is her Favorite Prisoner." Written in November.

A Diplomatic Mission and Its Results (2483 words)--I was prompted diplomacy and Suki/Sokka/Toph for some poly event and I did my best! Never really thought about this ship before.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)

** Mhaacta Made Them Do It (3631 words)--Amy/Rosa treat for the Femslash After Dark Exchange, featuring ritual sex and an ELDRITCH ABOMINATION. ...technically a case fic.

Caper Court - Caro Fraser

the pupil of dover court (1543 words)-- I found this book series thru the Yuletide Exchange but only had time (...well, access, really) to read the first book. But I quite liked it and wrote a treat for the person requesting it for the exchange.

Catherine (Web Series)

there's something about catherine (1299 words)-- Another fandom I found through the Yuletide Exchange! This requester wanted some Lynchian Normcore femslash so I did my best to provide. Very easy fandom to get into, btw, webseries is less than an hour long.

Disney

** Amor Vincit Omnia (3231 words)--Maleficent/Philip Stockholm Syndrome fic, written as a treat for the Chocolate Box Exchange.

No one will hurt you (1166 words)--Inspired by a short comic by @disneyfemslashcomics, a Mulan/Jasmine fic featuring hurt/comfort and a nonbinary Mulan.

** # Old and stolen texts (2635 words)--A Belleficent fic I wrote bc idk I like Maleficent and I like Belle and the two seemed like a good ship for Stockholm Syndrome and, obviously, beauty and the beast scenarios. Quite proud of this one :)

Dollhouse

I wrote five fics for this fandom this year but I still think I kind of cooled on it. For one thing, two of those fics were assigned for exchanges--for another, last year, with little to no incentive of that kind, I wrote seven. Still had a good time this year tho.

Also, all of them were pretty dark! We’re not surprised.

** i'll take your mind (to kick around as a toy) (3095 words)--Adelle/Echo fic written for the Trope Bingo Challenge, for a square of “in another man’s shoes”. Longer than I had remembered!

Orientation (3881 words)--Possibly my darkest fic of the year, but I’m sure it’s debatable. Blatant rape/non-con between Bennett Halverson and Caroline Farrell, written for the Nonconathon Exchange.

taking turns (2008 words)--Lighter in the sense that it’s melancholy rather than dark as hell. A Claire and Topher fic written for the Remix Revival event, remixing a fic I greatly enjoyed.

# january to december, do you want to be a member? (1338 words)--Adelle/Echo fic where Adelle uses Echo as a doll. Kind of a filler fic, I’d always wanted to play with the idea but couldn’t get super into it. Ehh.

# someone to watch over me (1217 words)--Claire-centered fic with not a whole ton of plot. Again, kind of a filler fic. This is one reason I have to say I was not so into this fandom this year--2/5 fics being filler isn’t a great ratio.

Egil Saga - Faun (Music Video)

No man shall scratch runes. (1273 words)--Written as a treat for the Yuletide Exchange. H/C and some very basic worldbuilding for a weird, surreal music video. Not much else to say. Debatably femslash.

Flesh and Bone (TV)

Danseuse and Partner (1172 words)-- I got paired with someone for the Chocolate Box Exchange who requested soft and fluffy fic for Cassie/Jake, but at that time I had no fluffy Animorph feelings so I binge-watched this miniseries so I could fill their other request, which was domestic, relatively functional incest fic. Idk if I succeeded, it was an interesting prompt but I didn’t ship it. I was more vibing with the series’ femslash potential. But I never got around to writing for that.

Gattaca (1997)

Gattaca fandom, I swear I still love you! I’m just less depressed this year! Which, to be honest, IS A GOOD THING! but not very conducive to the kind of Gattaca fic I used to write lols.

** Peppermint and Vanilla (1492 words)--H/C Eugne & Vincent fic written when @trifoyle prompted me the title. I’m quite happy with it.

Of Physicists and Janitors (35780 words)-- I only wrote like a chapter of this in 2018. God. I really need to finish this. Also AO3 thinks I wrote the whole thing this year which just is not true.

Allergies (2374 words)-- Fic I started like two years ago and only finished now. Mostly Vincent-centric. Again, inspired by conversation with @trifoyle

Gravity Falls

The Pink Streak (1644 words)-- Wendy/Pacifica fic written as a treat for the Chocolate Box Exchange.

Grease (1978)

beauty queen, my best girl (1018 words)-- Frenchy/Sandy fic, written as a treat for the Chocolate Box Exchange.

Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald

** A Mistress's Mistress (2178 words)-- Jordan/Myrtle fic written as a treat for the Chocolate Box Exchange. Because Myrtle deserves better, okay?

** Santa Barbara (2691 words)-- Pre-canon Jordan/Daisy fic written for a prompt of "Jordan manipulating Daisy (and Daisy kind of going along with it)." Probably my favorite Jordaisy fic I’ve written to date.

Careless Wanderers (2380 words)-- Post-canon Jordan/Daisy fic written for Trope Bingo for the “Road Trip” square.

White Lies of a Colored Past (1820 words)-- About two years ago I wrote down the idea of Gatsby incorporating Nick into his shady, multiple-choice backstory. And then this year I finally wrote it. ...probably would have been better two years ago but I don’t not like it.

** for children's consumption (3143 words)-- Someone prompted me Nick Carraway and abuse/neglect for Bad Things Happen Bingo, and I wrote this odd little gen fic drawing parallels between his past and Pammy’s present. I’m quite pleased with it.

the dawn of another summer (443 words)-- Fic found in a deleted text file. Jordaisy.

the kind of choices you make at midnight (436 words)-- Fic found in a deleted text file. Jordaisy.

Greek and Roman Mythology

Messenger of the Atreides (2035 words)-- I wrote this as a pinch hit for the Chocolate Box Exchange. Shipping Odysseus/Achilles from the Iliad. The vaguest smut I ever did write.

Hannibal (TV)

** # A similar confusion (4036 words)--Weird Gideon & Will fic bc having watched Hannibal, I really just wanted someone to be nice to Will who wasn’t Hannibal bc oh geez.

Harlots (TV)

girl in black and white (451 words)-- Short little ficlet I wrote for fuckthegods for the TV Exchange. Fuckthegods left tumblr... I’m really sad.

There is no one higher (2300 words)-- Caroline/Charlotte fic, would be PWP if I went harder on the actual smut.

Heathers

Right Answers (1667 words)-- Chansaw fic for the Femslash Exchange. Probably should have been longer but I overbooked myself this season and for once didn’t have the time.

doing an old friend a favor (2080 words)-- Someone requested Veronica/McNamara with a JESSICA JONES NOIR AU for Yuletide so of course I had to treat that shit.

How to Get Away with Murder

I wrote six whole fics for this fandom and still never wrote shippy stuff for my OTP. I NEED TO GET AROUND TO THAT. Also all my fics were relatively short and I should get on that. But this fandom doesn’t comment a whole lot and none of my friends are in it so it’s hard to motivate...

** your sweetheart psychopathic crush (2148 words)-- My first fic in this fandom, darkish Lilabecca bc of course I had to start with dark femslash.

five ways of looking at a homicide (1950 words)-- Asher POV finding out about all the shit that went down with the original Keating murder.

exam grade (1174 words)-- Annalise being concerned about Wes.

stuck in the corner (1089 words)-- Annalise/Michaela and Annalise/Bonnie in one brief smutty moment. Written for the Annual Femslash Kinkmeme.

# warm water (1353 words)-- Angsty Bonnalise bath sex. Written for the Annual Femslash Kinkmeme.

this is nice but also that is a murder bed (1062 words)-- And a random Connor/Wes fic appears.

Hungry Daughters of Starving Mothers - Alyssa Wong

# the street's a liar (2411 words)--Honestly this fic (written for Dark Femslash Week) is pretty good and I would write more fic for this fandom if it wasn’t two ppl and a shoelace.

I reincarnated into an otome game as a villainess with only destruction flags

Villainesses Must Stick Together (2950 words)-- Written as a treat for the Yuletide Exchange. The rare diary format fic! Multiple realities interacting and some very mild selfcest!

Inception (2010)

** Fortifier (3512 words)-- Saito/Cobb fic written as a treat for the Chocolate Box exchange, with Saito as Cobb’s employer but also veering close to sugar daddy. I’m actually pretty happy with this.

Jessica Jones (TV)

Nothing Neat or Nice (2484 words)-- Hogarth/Jessica, plotless infidelity.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell (TV)

gentleman's homecoming (1543 words)-- Lazy Grant/Jonathan fic mostly written to get my feet wet in the fandom.

** the husband in the tower (3787 words)--Arabella rescues Jonathan! Basically the fic I wanted to be the canon ending! But also written for my assignment for Yuletide! So we know other ppl wanted it too.

** Empty Houses Need to Be Filled (3804 words)-- Written as a Yuletide treat, an Emma/Arabella post-canon recovery fic.

A Strange Pact (1374 words)-- Going to be multichapter AU gen fic about Jonathan and the Gentleman. I’m working on it!

Lady of the Shard (Webcomic)

nix the new age morality (1537 words)--Noncon of the “Old God made them do it with mind control” sort, treat for the Nonconathon Exchange.

Les Misérables

you should probably arrest me (751 words)-- Enjolras/Javert ficlet, prompted.

shivering under the stars (2277 words)-- Enjolras/Javert, prompted for the “shaking and shivering” square for Bad Things Happen Bingo.

Marco Polo (TV)

Eleven fics for this fandom this year! Why, that’s quite a few! This is entirely bc of fuckthegods who a) sent me a lot of prompts for femslash and one for gen and b) just in general is my Marco Polo muse, inspires me to write fics I wouldn’t otherwise write. And now she’s gone off to Dreamwidth and I am honestly so sad but anyways.

Also, I’m not gonna tag any of these as “could use more comments” bc Marco Polo is such a damn small fandom but. That is true for basically all of these.

And I would walk five hundred miles (2514 words)-- Jing Fei/Mei Lin fic where Jing Fei survives and the two are reunited.

** Make me feel missed (2157 words)--Sequel to above, this time THERE’S SMUT.

truth in the cups (489 words)-- Written for fuckthegods in an exchange, Chabit/Mei Lin fic.

i will wait for you (1060 words)-- Jing Fei/Mei Lin episode related.

** do princes bleed blue (1643 words)-- Jingim whump for Bad Things Happen Bingo, “bleeding through bandages”.

stages of reflection (2229 words)-- Mei Lin + mirrors. For Bad Things Happen Bingo “rage against the reflection”.

an empress' softness (1558 words)-- Mei Lin/Chabi, smutty and angsty episode tag to “Measure Against the Linchpin.”

running from a savior (1459 words)-- Mei Lin & Marco, related to “Hug.”

Harmless (1158 words)-- Mei Lin/Chabi smut set in Season One, playing with power dynamics.

dance of mourning (695 words)-- Mei Lin mourning Jing Fei.

a whore's return to cambulac (2075 words)-- My last gift to fuckthegods before she left tumblr, a Mei Lin/Chabi reunion fic postcanon.

Miraculous Ladybug

Bound to Be There For You (2908 words)-- Chlonette fic written for the “tied together” square of Trope Bingo.

Original Work

** In the Private Seating (3384 words)-- Theatre smut. Femslash. Written as a treat for the Smut Exchange.

Perilous Gard - Elizabeth Marie Pope

** # The Training of a Human (5019 words)-- Dark Lady/Kate fic for Yuletide treat.

** Bangles (2485 words)-- Aaaand another dark Lady/Kate fic for Yuletide treat.

Phantom of the Opera

Me: I feel like I’ve been less active in the POTO fandom this year.

Also me: Wrote 28 POTO fics this year.

Got a lot of prompts, especially from generalsleepy, ponderinfrustration, a couple others I can’t think of off the top of my head. Thanks to all you guys for the inspiration.

Perfectionist (1617 words)-- Soft early relationship Carlottastine ficlet. Prompted.

Mind Beating Wild (1544 words)-- Carlottastine remix of the cemetery scene. Also prompted.

** Buttercup Boys and Goldenrod Girls (2990 words)-- Queerplatonic Raoul & Christine fic with aro Christine and demisexual Raoul. Kind of a wandering, collage-y fic.

** Cinnamon and Tobacco (5441 words)-- My first ever Daraoulga fic! A lot of H/C.

Nowhere, Nobody Else (1450 words)-- Cherik/Philippe fic. Prompted.

** in my heart i belong in a house by the sea (1797 words)-- Angsty as heck R/C fic. In Sweden! Prompted.

** free city for the enterprising (1746 words)-- Vaaaampires with R/C and E/R, I think it was prompted?

the more persistent spirit (3279 words)-- More generic Daraoulga fic, me still trying to figure out how Daraoulga would work.

** half-sick of shadows (3320 words)-- I just felt like “The Lady of Shalott” had strong Christine vibes, so I mixed it into a Carlottastine fic.

two divas one bed (1332 words)-- I mean what does it sound like. Modern AU Carlottastine.

** kiss me hard before you go (2489 words)-- Carlottastine but Carlotta is leaving Paris to live in the country so they’re BREAKING UP OH NO. Prompted.

hello, i want to kiss you (1009 words)-- Cherik/Philippe fic. Prompted.

Confusion of a Night (1987 words)-- Carlotta & Raoul fic, written for the “sensory overload” square of Bad Things Happen Bingo.

** two-thirty phone calls are never a good sign (1671 words)-- Daraoulga modern AU fic written for the humiliation square of Bad Things Happen Bingo.

** could you maybe act like you don't hate me (3433 words)-- Carlottastine smut mostly.

eliminate the competition (437 words)-- Carlotta ficlet. Prompted.

gala (654 words)-- A softer follow-up on “two-thirty phone calls are never a good sign.” ...I think it was prompted?

spiteful (796 words)-- Erik/Carlotta spiteful kiss ficlet, prompted.

take notes, sweetheart (466 words)-- Carlottastine antagonistic UST ficlet, prompted.

good morning erik (443 words)-- Fluffy Cherik/Philippe ficlet, prompted.

** she loves a pretty face (3966 words)-- Prompted “Raoul, scar to remember” for Bad Things Happen Bingo. Some R/C and E/R. I like this one.

lonely with you (1583 words)-- Prompted Raoul and touch-starved for Bad Things Happen Bingo. R/C, Sweden fic.

** Dolls and Goblins (5175 words)-- Prompted E/R and forced crossdressing, not somewhere I would usually go! But I think it came out well.

don't you trust me? (921 words)-- Angsty Daraoulga ficlet. Prompted.

nothing more than a minnow (1019 words)-- Quiet ghost!E/R fic written for the Darkest Night Exchange. This prompt definitely deserved better than I gave it! Idk why I wasn’t vibing with it just then.

cause you might not get tomorrow (1619 words)-- Carlotta carpe diem fic! Including Carlottastine.

long-term issues (2679 words)--Not another E/R kidnapping fic, I can’t believe it. I think this was prompted but I fucked with the prompt.

i wanna run away with you (2464 words)--Daroga joins with the R & C gang for the Sweden elopement.

Tell me the truth. (1941 words)-- Angsty Daraoulga, prompted.

...why does it feel like I didn’t write that much POTO fic? Maybe bc proportionally it’s less than in other years. But this year I wrote more fic in general, so of course the proportions have shifted.

Riverdale (TV 2017)

** the long elasticity of forgiveness (4321 words)-- FP is in jail, Jughead is being very patient.

** # My Secret Brother (7614 words)-- Technically Chic would have been Jughead’s brother too, so.

# spill some blossom blood (2049 words)-- Written for Bad Things Happen Bingo prompt, “Cheryl, take me instead”.

Sense8 (TV)

Six fics this year :) That’s about as many as I thought. Fandom deserves more tbh.

You, Painted Pink and Blue (2652 words)-- Sun/Riley kind of smut without plot, written for the Trope Bingo square of “Romance novel AU.”

Secret Garden (999 words)-- Sun/Soo-jin ficlet.

** Such Things Are Possible (12867 words)-- Rajan’s POV of that CRAZY FINALE, possibly my most popular fic this year. I had a lot of feelings.

smart talker (1385 words)-- Capheus and Whispers and creepiness. Prompted.

** Lovely in Starlight (5080 words)-- Fucked up Lila/Kala fic bc sometimes you gotta do all the work for yourself. I like this one.

** first meetings (2294 words)-- Some Jonas what-ifs.

Shades of Magic - V. E. Schwab

Missive From Halfway Through "Seeing It" (1176 words)-- My first fic of the year, a NYR treat, epistolary fic with Kell and Rhy.

Qivuak (2635 words)-- Kell/Holland sex pollen fic for Chocolate Box treat.

** Interlude at the Hot Springs (3457 words)-- Also for Chocolate Box treat, a KELL/HOLLAND HOT SPRINGS FIC. Quite possibly my favorite dumbass premise of the year.

Lily London (2083 words)-- Quiet Kell and Holland fic.

Cat on the Bed (1980 words)-- Kell/Holland smut but they’re cat boys, assigned fic for the Smut Exchange.

Stranger Things (TV 2016)

Think I Know Where You Belong (2004 words)-- Elmax fic, prompted.

** # An Errand in the City (3833 words)-- Kali meets Nancy and visits Hawkins to see El. Kali/Mick fic.

** Long Trek to a New Home (6476 words)-- Kalancy APOCALYPSE FIC, written for the apocalypse square of Trope Bingo.

we live in cities you'll never see onscreen (1321 words)-- Kali/Mick origin story, precanon.

** # hands that stitch (3187 words)-- Kali murders a dude at Nancy’s college, Kalancy.

The Queen's Thief - Megan Whalen Turner

tell me about the mede (655 words)-- I didn’t even write this this year, I just found it in a deleted text document. My QT writing is way down.

The Sting (1973)

a smaller con (1373 words)-- Look I know y’all talk about Hooker/Gondorff but the real ship here is Hooker/Lonnegan k?

イキガミ | Ikigami - All Media Types

it's galling how much i want to be good (3655 words)-- I started this fic like three years ago but only finished and posted this year. Whump.

亜人 - 三浦追儺 & 桜井画門 | Ajin - Miura Tsuina & Sakurai Gamon those who drown together stay together (1352 words)-- Kou and Kei wash up on the shore.

#statistics

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