#anyways they bring out the worst in each other while simultaneously finding odd bits of solace in each others company have a good day

[shaykai]

“I love any man willing to birth a little more slithering, wet malice into the world.”

[tempestaurora]

FANDOMS: Marvel, Voltron: Legendary Defender, The 100, Harry Potter, The Raven Cycle, Community, Avatar: The Last Airbender, The Umbrella Academy

NOTES:

i tagged every tumblr i could reasonably find. if you have more than one fic on this list, i have tagged you more than once. some people may be tagged like five times. i’m not sorry.

where relevant, fandoms have been split into general (platonic) centric fics, and romantic/slash fics. this is just because it’s easier than splitting it up into specific relationships.

at the end of every fic title/author line is a list of core relationships; fics are split between gen and romance depending on what relationship is considered centric. otherwise, fics are in no particular order. All fics are completed unless otherwise specified.

i added a read more because there’s over 100 fics listed here.

anyway, enjoy, thanks for the 3k followers

M A R V E L

gen centric fics

SHORT (0 - 5K)

K.I.D. by blondsak @blondsak | Tony&Peter

summary: “Hi K.I.D. Glad you’re awake. Do you know your primary objective?”

“To always look for ways to remind Mister Stark - that’s you! - that Kindness Isn’t Dead.”

“That’s right, K.I.D. Good job.” 

forty miles by peter_stank @peter-stank

summary:  the one where Morgan is sick and Tony is in way over his head, so he calls his spiderson for a little bit of help. Tony&Peter

from now on by peterparkr @peterparkrr |  Tony&Peter

summary: Peter’s sure that Tony and Pepper’s wedding will change everything. 

Machine Wash Hot; Tumble Dry Low by alice_in_ink | Tony&Peter

summary: Do you ever fall into sewers and then need your billionaire mentor to wash your super-suit? Peter Parker does too. 

Captain That by maddo | Tony&Peter

summary: Just a bunch of little anecdotes regarding our favourite spider and his Instagram account, feat. a meme-tastic Tony Stark.

Here's to all the new beginnings by Gruoch @groo-ock | Tony&Peter

summary: Peter gets a job. Tony is less than pleased. 

to know, to protecc, and to fuck with by peterstank and floweryfran @peter-stank @floweryfran | Tony&Peter, Natasha&Peter, Sam/May

summary: peter parker convinces the responsible adults in his life to join him on the world’s stupidest stake-out. 

MEDIUM (5 - 20K)

i used to have nothing and then by dirgewithoutmusic @ink-splotch | Clint&Natasha

summary: “Clint,” Natasha said. “You’ve got to let me go.”

“Clint,” she said, and he let her go. 

the hearth by sagemb |  Tony&Peter

summary: What to Do When Your Wife Is Out of the Country: A Guide by Tony Stark

1) Gain partial custody of a child 2) Sleep on the couch 3) Have the child gain partial custody of you.

Love in Ones and Zeroes by forensicleaf @forensicleaf | Tony&Peter

summary: a boy, a bot, and a bond through the years. Tony&DUM-E

call you home SERIES by Madelinedear | May&Tony, Tony&Peter

summary: sometimes family is who you're born with. and sometimes family is a spider boy, a rich not-dad, and a kickass aunt. (or; tony, may, and peter find a place in each other's lives) 

Not-Uncle Tony by Jen27ny @jen27ny | Tony&Peter, Happy&Peter

summary: Happy is Peter's biological father, and Tony is there for the entire ride. 

Between how it is and how it should be by frostysunflowers @frostysunflowers | Peter&Bucky, Tony&Peter, Steve&Bucky

summary: ''Doesn’t Captain Rogers ever…wonder,'' Peter winced as he fumbled for the right word, ''where you are?''

Bucky smirked. ''Steve’s a regular mother hen. Used to be me that worried about him.'' He gave Peter a pointed look. ''Better question is, isn’t Stark wondering where you are?''

The Unfortune Teller by peterparkr @peterparkrr | Tony&Peter

summary: A woman in a carnival booth predicts Peter's death. 

all the things yet to come (are the things that have passed) by peterparkr @peterparkrr | Peter&Morgan, Tony&Peter

summary: The first time Peter sees Morgan is at the funeral. 

tony and peggy’s big day out! by floweryfran @floweryfran | Tony&Peggy

summary: “What’s happened this time?”

“Just a bombing,” says Peggy.

“At three in the afternoon?” says Jarvis. “Frankly, how rude.”

Blips on the Record by ambivalentangst @ambivalentmarvel | Flash&Peter, Tony&Peter

summary: Flash Thompson’s story is not simple, Peter Parker can always use someone else in his corner, and secrets are had and protected by all. 

aiding and abetting: a peter parker saga by floweryfran and peterstank @floweryfran @peter-stank | Peter&Avengers

summary: 5 times peter parker runs into the rogues separately + the 1 time they work together as a team. 

Tennessee Outreach for Spider-Man (and friends) by ciaconnaa @ciaconnaa | Harley&Peter, Harley&Tony

summary: in an attempt to help Harley beef up his college apps, Tony offers Harley a remote Stark Industries internship to help Spider-Man. It easily becomes his worst nightmare. 

Allston Christmas by Gruoch @groo-ock | Tony&Peter, Tony&Peter&Rhodey

summary: “You guys didn’t have to do this,” Peter says from where he sits squeezed into the middle seat of the U-Haul, sweat running down his back. The air-conditioning in the truck they’ve rented is broken, and even with the windows rolled down it’s hellishly hot inside.

“We wanted to,” Tony replies as he blasts the horn at a minivan with a “Harvard Mom” bumper sticker that is attempting to cut into his lane.

so happy together by floweryfran @floweryfran | Tony&Ben

summary: ben parker calling tony stark a twink for 13k words

LONG (20K+)

An Unofficial Introduction to the Avengers SERIES by Isnt_it_pretty_to_think_so @isnt-it-pretty-to-think-so-tr | Tony&Peter

summary: The Avengers meet Spiderman via the online world, and then meet Peter Parker in Stark's living room. It takes them longer than it should to put two-and-two together. 

what is and will be (is you and me) by momentofmemory @momentofmemory | May&Peter

summary: 5 times May was there for Peter, +1 time he was there for her. 

dear mr. fantasy by iron_spider @iron--spider | Tony&Peter

summary: He grits his teeth and turns around, and before he can even begin to trudge over towards Peter’s room, he’s stopped in his tracks. By a door. In the middle. Of the living room.

“Well that’s new,” he says, still rooted to the spot.

timshel SERIES by justanotherblond @blondieewritess | Bucky&Peter, Steve/Bucky

summary: The soldier doesn’t remember his son’s birth or how he came to be. He doesn’t remember bedding a woman and watching her belly swell, but they said the boy was his. He does know that he will protect and teach the boy within the confines of their cell walls. Even when the handlers berate him. Even when the good guys take him away. 

odd couple buddies SERIES by bysine | Peter&Bucky, Sam&Thor, Tony&Peter

summary: "You know you're not supposed to call him the Winter Soldier any more, right?" Peter says, while they handcuff him to a pipe. A pipe. "Also this whole thing is kind of messing up my schedule. My two overdue papers won't exactly write themselves."

i understand (i’m a liability) by floweryfran @floweryfran | Harley&Tony, Harley&Peter

summary: “I… am not being challenged in the right ways here,” Harley says slowly, carefully.

“Then move here,” Tony says, and Harley’s heart drops straight into his feet. 

Roundabout by Gruoch @groo-ock | Tony&Peter

summary: In which Peter attempts to survive long enough to graduate, Tony moonlights as a semi-professional party planner, and absolutely nothing goes according to plan. 

Uncle Steve's Fix-it Freelance Gig (and friends) SERIES by whowhotellsyourstory | Steve&Morgan, Tony&Steve, Bucky&Peter

summary: "You ever need help, and I'm not there-""Why wouldn't you be there?""You call Uncle Steve."

notes: probably my favourite post endgame fix it fic/series in existence

Dumpster Fires Verse SERIES by deniigiq @deniigi | Peter&Wade&Matt

summary: A collection of Team Red stories because they are all hot messes. Except Peter. Two-Thirds of them are hot messes.

Impression, Sunrise by ciaconnaa @ciaconnaa | Peter&Morgan

summary: In Peter Parker's eyes, Morgan Stark is a lot of things: a terrible pancake chef, a top notch negotiator, the world's cutest six-year old. But above all, she is his family. He hopes he's enough. 

The Room Where It Happens by notapartytrick @notaparty-trick | Tony&Peter

summary: At 7:36 pm on the 12th of May 2016, Tony Stark is put in the Room.

A twelve-by-twelve-foot shed, soundproofed, double locked. It becomes his home. It has to be, because there’s nowhere else.

At 4:22 pm on the 15th of June 2017, Peter Parker is put in the Room.

They make a living under duress, fearing at every moment the entry of their captor. Confinement halts their lives in their tracks, changes them both for good: breaks them and brings them together simultaneously.

“If someone has everything they need, but nobody, do they have everything? Or nothing?”

romance centric fics

SHORT (0 - 5K)

written in the star(war)s by ciaconnaa @ciaconnaa | Peter/Michelle

summary: Michelle looks at the nurse one more time, and despite the evidence, asks, “Are you sure it’s twins?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” the nurse points them out again. “One boy, and one girl. Due...May 4th.”

It only takes Michelle 2.3 seconds to realize the horror of that sentence. 

Steve Rogers is (Not) A Good Influence by stevergrsno @stevergrsno |  Steve/Bucky, Steve&Peter

summary: Steve Rogers' American Tour Of Waiting For His Brainwashed Boyfriend To Come Back And Blowing Up Hydra is interrupted when Tony Stark dumps Peter Parker into his lap.

Captain ‘Socialist Rage Muffin’ America by mybrotherharry @baffledkingcomposinghallelujah | Steve/Tony, Steve/Tony/Bucky

summary: It takes three months of dating Steve Rogers for Tony to understand why Aunt Peggy once shot at him in sheer frustration.Alternately titled, Honey, I committed treason again. 

Soft Spot for the Hell Raisin' Boy by ifeelbetter @ifeelbetterer | Steve/Bucky

summary: The Winter Soldier takes an interest in Sam Wilson. Bucky Barnes wants to tell him how to be Steve Rogers's best friend.

Cat’s Cradle by Traincat @traincat | Peter/Felicia

summary: The test was positive.

Felicia tilted it idly this way and that, sitting on the bathroom floor with her back against the cupboard. The floors and the counter tops were marble, and the shower door was glass. Every one of Felicia’s moves seemed to echo in the large room, even though she knew that she was making no sound.

The test was positive. She didn’t bother to check the box to make sure she’d gotten the little symbols right. She’d known before she took it.

“Well,” she breathed out, tilting her head back to inspect the ceiling. “Damn, Spider.”

MEDIUM (5 - 20K)

cross this river to the other side by defcontwo | Steve/Bucky

summary: In 1943, the Howling Commandos wrote goodbye letters to be given to their loved ones in the event of their deaths.In 2014, Sharon Carter finds those letters in a tin can in an abandoned HYDRA base. 

Tony Stark Googled The Thing by mybrotherharry @baffledkingcomposinghallelujah | Tony/Pepper, Tony&Peter

summary: When Morgan is six months old, Pepper goes back to work and Tony takes over as stay-at-home dad. Discovering the mommyblogosphere is the inevitable next step.

Winter Soldier Program by NocturneByChopin | Steve/Bucky

summary: Here’s the thing: he’s got a bit of a secret. It involves a boy that went and became famous when Steve wasn’t looking. 

i was found and now i don't roam these streets by hipsterchrist | Steve/Bucky

summary: Bucky relearns himself and how to be on a team, the rest of the Avengers try to get answers, and everyone watches too much Criminal Minds. 

Between a Rock and a Hard Place by ciaconnaa @ciaconnaa | Michelle/Peter, Michelle&Happy, Tony&Peter

summary: Ever since her mother died a few years back, Michelle's relationship with her father became strained in their grief. One night, after she's forced to show up at Peter's covered in bruises and in need of stitches, she remembers that even the most unsuspecting dormant volcanoes can erupt.

Brooklyn by togina @toli-a | Steve/Bucky

summary: "Captain America, what's your stance on gay marriage?"

Everyone knows that, by now. Everyone but Bucky.

Steve Rogers at 100: Celebrating Captain America on Film by eleveninches, febricant, hellotailor, M_Leigh, neenya, tigrrmilk | Steve/Bucky

summary: Steve and Bucky find out Hollywood has been busy since they went away. A historical survey, including but not limited to: one set of exploded genitals, a brief interlude in France, Mel Gibson and other masterworks of casting, eight Academy awards, several dinosaurs, and something Tony Stark has ominously dubbed “the masterpiece.” Art included.

Project: Get Bucky Barnes a Dog by ruxian | Steve/Bucky

summary: Bucky Barnes does not have a dog. Bucky Barnes does not want a dog. Sam thinks that should change. Bucky does not agree. 

On My Radar by sprinkle_of_cinnamon | Steve/Bucky

summary: The Winter Soldier first noticed it when he was on the helicarrier.

The blonde’s shoulders were broad, incredibly broad.

They stretched the blue uniform in a wide span, drawing down to a narrow waist. It was a distinctly triangular silhouette. It was entirely improbable. And somehow it was strangely familiar.

The Winter Soldier raised his gun and fired. He didn’t have time for distractions, or Steve Rogers’ shoulders. 

LONG (20k+)

despite the threatening sky and shuddering earth (they remained) by praximeter @praximeter | Steve/Bucky

summary: “Those are pins,” Steve realized. He looked over at Hill. “The mask—it’s nailed to his face.” 

notes: may i say a massive fucking HOLY SHIT??????????? incredible. iconic. life-changing.

United States v. Barnes, 617 F. Supp. 2d 143 (D.D.C. 2015) by fallingvoices and radialarch | Steve/Bucky

summary: The Associated Press @AP Winter Soldier set to stand trial for Washington D.C. massacre and treason apne.ws/1og6SWE 

Bucky Barnes: Former Disney Channel Star SERIES by mambo @whtaft | Steve/Bucky

summary: "The question the entertainment world is asking themselves today is... Who is Steve? Hollywood superstar Bucky Barnes was spotted at a wrap-party last night, serenading someone named Steve onstage.” 

Not Easy Conquered SERIES by dropdeaddream and WhatAre Fears | Steve/Bucky

summary: In 1945, Steve Rogers jumps from a nosediving plane and swims through miles of Arctic Ocean to a frozen shore.

In 1947, Steve Rogers marries Peggy Carter.

In 1966, the New York Times finds the lost letters of Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.

notes: if you’ve read stucky, you’ve read this series. i know this. just like i know that its the most GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL series ever written. no topping it. it’s number 1.

Strays by snarklyboojum @snarklyboojum | Steve/Bucky

summary: After finding himself alone for the first time in decades, the Winter Soldier learns how to be a person again. Mostly through caring for an orphaned kitten, countless rounds of YouTube roulette, and stalking Captain America. 

hold me until we crumble by queenklu @queenklu | Steve/Bucky

summary: “Sam told me you were watching Antiques Roadshow,” Natasha says, shaking out her hair. “I assumed it was a national emergency.”

notes: one of my favourite standalone fics i’ve ever read

half awake in a fake empire SERIES by idrilka | Steve/Bucky

summary: In the aftermath of Steve's return to the world of the living and the battle of New York, the academia and the Internet react.

by the river potomac i sat down and wept by peterstank @peter-stank | Steve/Bucky

summary: bucky barnes atones.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell SERIES by AnnaFugazzi | Steve/Bucky

summary: Captain America and Bucky Barnes were like brothers. Everyone knew that. 

Out of the Dead Land by orphaned account | Steve/Bucky

summary: Someone is building machines that look and act like people.

Meanwhile, the Winter Soldier tries to be Bucky Barnes.

V O L T R O N:  L E G E N D A R Y  D E F E N D E R

romance centric fics

MEDIUM (5 - 20K)

called out your name (but it was too late) by arahir @arahir | James/Keith, Shiro/Keith

summary:  An old classmate watches Keith fall in love with someone else. 

so much for the after party by arahir @arahir | Shiro/Keith

summary: Shiro gets his groove back.

i breathe disaster by arahir @arahir | Shiro/Keith

summary: After the wedding, Keith leaves Earth in search of something he can keep. 

notes: what doES THIS M E AN?!!!??!!?!?! i cried over this ending. i cr i e d. actual real tears. it was so upsetting somehow. and i am so confused. and i went and found the author’s imagined ending in the comments to help understand the open one and it just made me SADDER. i think this is one of those fics that tries to teach me to read the tags and back away at the word “angst”. anyway, excellent, everything i’ve read from this author was incredible

LONG (20K+)

Alien Sex Fiend by Glossolalia | Shiro/Keith | WIP

summary: It started at a drive-in in the 1980s. Unfortunately, this is a love story; a love story about the frontman of Quantum Queef, a punk band, and a boy who rides a red motorcycle. Also, they fight aliens. 

notes: i’m OBSESSED with this fic. i have read it many times. shiro as a punk singer of a band called Quantum Queef????????? and the fact that it’s the only fic on this account???? absolute POWER MOVE.

T H E  1 0 0

romance centric fics

SHORT (0 - 5K)

golden gunned girls by littlearrows | Bellamy/Clarke

summary:  They’re not good girls. They have no reason to be. 

notes: i think about this fic approximately twice a week despite reading it five years ago. there’s a song called gold gun girls by metric that makes me absolutely feral and would be the dream theme song for the intro sequence of the girl gang tv show of my dreams

and then my soul saw you by synchronicities | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: Lexa tells Clarke that love within the cluster is the worst kind of narcissism. Bellamy begs to differ. Sense8 AU.

givers prove unkind by emullz | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: a modern au in which bellamy is in a band, he writes an album about clarke, and she is his ophelia. also, marriage.

she sounds like sex on the radio by lecornergirl | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: “Wait, hold on,” Clarke says. “Are you suggesting I—in the booth?” But her tone is a lot sterner than she feels. Against her better judgement, she’s into it. 

notes: idk what to tell you. i have only bookmarked like three smut fics in my life. it deserves it ok.

the kids aren’t alright by opensummer | Multiple Relationships

summary: The Pacific Rim fusion seven ways. 

notes: probably???? my favourite? pacific rim au? i’ve ever read??? does so much with so little

Haven’t You Heard? The World is Coming To An End by Jenye @likcoln-blog | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: So where would you rather die? Here or in Jaeger? Pacific Rim AU. 

MEDIUM (5 - 20K)

three points (where two lines meet) SERIES by PinkCanary | Bellamy/Clarke/Raven

summary: Clarke wears the two names on her skin like a badge of honour. 

Icarus Lives by karusarchive @cluelesskaru | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: No one could ever have predicted the kaiju were coming.  Clarke Griffin was in need of a new Co-Pilot. Bellamy Blake had just graduated. You can guess how that goes.

notes: if anyone knows me at all, they know i’m a MASSIVE pacific rim fan. like, own all the books and graphic novels and have multiple pacrim t-shirts kind of fan. THIS FIC was my first experience with that franchise. my first ever. i watched the movie BECAUSE of this fic.

Pony Regrets SERIES by Chash @ponyregrets | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: Octavia drags Bellamy to a My Little Pony tournament. Bellamy is deeply upset about the whole thing, but then the girl running the tournament is really cute.

The Internet Is Forever SERIES by Chash @ponyregrets | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: Apparently, the internet has been shipping Bellamy Blake (of Team Arkade) and Clarke Griffin (of Craven Cosplay). No one told Bellamy about it. 

Nothing Like Old Times by LayALioness @filmnoirsbian | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: “Clarke killed some guy and stuffed him in the trunk,” Jasper says delightedly. “Your cousin’s dark, dude.”

“Yeah,” Bellamy nods, trying to backtrack. Sometimes he wishes she was actually better at making things up. “She’s a…closeted Goth.” Terminator AU. 

the feel-good hit of the summer by disco_vendetta @errorofyourways | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake are sleeping together. (aka ROCK BAND AU) 

notes: i think about this fic an OBSCENE amount. it’s been five years since i first read it.

LONG (20K+)

Your Mess Is Mine by monroeslittle @argyledpenguin | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: modern AU, Clarke grows up with Octavia, and Octavia's brother. 

notes: the fic that got me into fan fic in the first place. top tier. 42k.

Love Will Come Through by monroeslittle @argyledpenguin | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: AU. Clarke winds up in an arranged marriage with Bellamy. 

Neeeeeeeeeerds by Chash @ponyregrets | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: Clarke joins the Junior Classical League for two reasons: to appease her mother and to annoy Bellamy Blake.

Our Time Now SERIES by TazmainianDevil | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: The Ark may have been short on all resources vital to sustaining life but one thing they never ran out of was guns.On an Ark that has always been defined by violence, Jake Griffin manages to save his daughter's life and Clarke joins a gang to change the world.

Disney Channel You by Chash @ponyregrets | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: Bellamy only goes to the open casting for Clarke Griffin's new Disney Channel show because Octavia begs him. He never thought he'd actually get the stupid part. 

And You Understand Now Why They Lost Their Minds and Fought the Wars by marauders_groupie @marauders-groupie | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: Clarke doesn’t understand why they say that soulmates are one soul in two bodies. Her soul has five other bodies and she would give her life for any of them. Sense8 AU. 

notes: probably my favourite sense8 AU i’ve ever read?? and i have read Many

build this fire higher, higher toward the sky SERIES by adelicatepeach | Bellamy/Clarke

summary: Clarke's jaeger goes down on a Thursday. Pacific Rim AU. 

H A R R Y  P O T T E R

gen centric fic

LONG (20K+)

yer a wizard, dudley by dirgewithoutmusic @ink-splotch | Dudley&A Lot of People

summary: Minerva fished in her pocket without looking, because the only things allowed in her pockets were only ever exactly what she needed. “I've come to deliver this,” she said, “because Hogwarts by-laws require a professor to hand-deliver acceptance letters to Muggleborn families for their explanation and comfort." 

notes: i have only ever cared about two harry potter fics in my life. this is one of them.

the family evans by dirgewithoutmusic @ink-splotch | Petunia&A Lot of People

summary: What if, when Petunia Dursley found a little boy on her front doorstep, she took him in? Not into the cupboard under the stairs, not into a twisted childhood of tarnished worth and neglect—what if she took him in? 

notes: this is the other one

T H E  R A V E N  C Y C L E

gen centric fic

MEDIUM (5 - 20K)

Helter Skelter by Anonymous | Ronan&Blue

summary: In hindsight, a road trip with your step-brother and his best friends in Gansey's dying Pig is not an ideal way to start summer break. Sargent-Lynch siblings AU.

meet hennessy by izzylizardborn @gaybluesargent | Hennessy&Jordan

summary: Hennessy had seen movies. She knew how this went. When it came to clones, there was always a good one and an evil one. She didn’t need to wonder which was which.

life is not a movie, maybe by coyotesuspect | Ronan&Blue

summary: Ronan gets kicked out of Aglionby and enrolls at Mountain View High for his senior year. The only problem is, no one remembers to tell Blue. 

Honeymoon by vexmybones | Ronan&Blue

summary: Blue and Ronan living together, no buffers, no bullshit, this is how they cope. 

the bugs and alphabet by Pi @rhea314 | Ronan&Blue

summary: In which Blue babysits Chainsaw, Ronan & Blue make angry art projects, and some conversations are almost had. 

romance centric fic

SHORT (0 - 5K)

Pretty Good, Right? by suddensingularity | Ronan/Blue

summary: Blue wants to have sex before her true love dies. Ronan helps out. Ronan/Blue

notes: yeah ok this is one of the three smut fics i’ve bookmarked its fun ok

MEDIUM (5 - 20K)

It Had To Be You by shinealightonme @toast-the-unknowing | Ronan/Adam

summary: Ronan hates basically everything about their business, or that's what he tells Blue, but the worst part is that he's constantly meeting cute guys and none of them are single. 

darling, don’t make such a drama by shinealightonme @toast-the-unknowing | Ronan/Adam, Ronan&Henry, Ronan&Declan

summary: "Straight answers are boring," Cheng says, "and yes I do mean that for all values of straight. I do not need Ronan to share his tragic backstory, I would much rather deduce it on my own."

"Who says I have a tragic backstory?"

"With your fearsome glower and troubled good looks? If you did not have a tragic backstory it would be a waste."

 C O M M U N I T Y

romance centric fic

LONG (20k+)

Playing House by itsactuallycorrine @itsactuallycorrine | Jeff&Annie

summary: Six years ago, Jeff let Annie go. She never returned to Greendale, and he moved on. Now, he's a single dad to a one-year-old and he needs her help.

A V A T A R:  T H E  L A S T  A I R B E N D E R

gen centric fic

SHORT (0 - 5K)

call it dreaming by ciaconnaa @ciaconnaa | Toph&Gaang

After the war, Toph has nightmares. The screeching of metal, Sokka and Suki's screams, the snap of Sokka's leg as it broke from their fall. It's usually his confession that they aren't going to make it that makes her wake up in a cold sweat. She's anxious all the time now, unable to find peaceful sleep.

The cure is apparently to try and hold all of her friends hands for all hours of the days and hope that they're cool with it. 

what’s in a name by ciaconnaa @ciaconnaa | Toph&Sokka

summary: At her request, Sokka teaches Toph to write her name.

He learns a thing or two about the weight his own name holds in the process.

MEDIUM (5 - 20K)

the beginning of a new and brighter birth by aloneintherain @captainkirkk | Zuko&Gaang

summary: “I’m so proud of you, my nephew.” Uncle cups Zuko’s face in his lined hand. The gesture is so tender, his palm so warm, that Zuko has to take a fortifying breath against the sudden swell of emotion in his chest.

“I want to be a good leader, Uncle,” Zuko says. “I want to look after my people.”

“You will,” Uncle says. “You are, nephew.”

In a new era of peace, Zuko works to be a very different Fire Lord than his forefathers.

the scope of blindness series by littlelionlady @thelittlelionlady | Toph&Gaang

summary: There are just some things that Toph's feet can't see.

Her hands can though.

Or, Toph learns what her friends look like by tracing their faces. 

notes: geniunely how goddamn beautiful is this. like. i cried. this is so soft and so cute and it made me feel SO MANY things

All The Gentle Creatures by Haircrescendo @sword-and-stars | Iroh&Zuko

It’s said that you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat animals. Zuko may be loud and stubborn and sharp but all the woodland creatures love him. 

LONG (20K+)

The Family You Choose by TunaFishChris | Zuko&Gaang

summary: Some people are born with soulmarks. Zuko has them, but his grandfather burned them off because they "make you weak."

Team Avatar has a few things to say about that. 

such selfish prayers by andromeda3116 @andromeda3116 | Katara&The Fire Nation, Katara/Zuko

Katara's ambition, so long set aside for the good of others, breaks free and sets fire to her soul. Or, Katara has a vision of her canon future, casts it aside, and becomes a world-changing politician instead. 

and love will be your teacher SERIES by Ford_Ye_Fiji @ford-ye-fiji | Iroh&Zuko

summary: "And you will know the pain of losing a firstborn son." Ozai loses Zuko. Iroh gains a son. And the future changes.

notes: excellent excellent excellent excellent makes me very happy indeed

romance centric fic

SHORT (0 - 5K)

on commitment by jdphoenix | Zuko/Katara

summary: “Just explain it to me again.”

“There is no way you can pass as my brother and we are way too conspicuous as two unrelated people, from different nations, traveling together. So we’re pretending to be married.”

we hold our hearts in silence by psychedelic_aya | Zuko/Katara

summary: Seventy years later, Korra tries to figure out Zuko and Katara. 

oracle bones by orphaned account | Zuko/Katara

summary: The foreign, pictorial characters that bracelet Zuko's left wrist have never been covered in any of his lessons. He cannot read them. And then he turns thirteen, and his father burns his wrist along with his face.

MEDIUM (5 - 20K)

late nights/early mornings SERIES by shmulia @shmuliawrites | Zuko/Katara

summary: Whoever set off the fire alarm at 2 in the morning is on Katara’s shit list. Even if he is hot and shirtless. 

the thing about dancing by anodymalion | Sokka/Zuko

summary: The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

LONG (20K+)

Fate Deferred by catie_writes_things @catie-does-things | Zuko/Katara | WIP

summary: Aang remains in the iceberg ten years longer. He awakens to a very different world. 

The Sparrowkeet SERIES by audreyii_fic | Zuko/Katara

summary: Ba Sing Se has fallen and Katara has been captured by the Fire Nation; a more adult take on the potential progression of S3. AU series of interconnected one-shots. 

notes: i would die for this series, particularly the last instalment. i enjoyed every single fic and it was just such a GOOD STORY.

T H E  U M B R E L L A  A C A D E M Y 

gen centric fic

SHORT (0 - 5K)

you from yesterday by questors (sieges) @softpunks | Five&Siblings

summary:  The difference between who his siblings once were versus who they are now. 

Ghost Math by pinstripedJackalope | Five&Klaus

summary: Number Five needs a new hobby now that the apocalypse is off. He decides to help Klaus--and in turn maybe he'll help himself. 

Then There Was Two by AnneKatherine | Five&Vanya

summary: Reginald Hargeeves finally decides to allow Grace to name the Academy. Unfortunately, he's only willing to let her name the Academy, which Seven is unfortunately not a part of.

[or how Five gave away his name]

(he definitely didn't want one anyway) 

i tiresias (have foresuffered all) by ThatWeirdGuyInTheBushes | Five&Siblings, Five/Delores

summary: Five misses sharing his birthday, but Five has missed a lot of things.alternatively; number five, coffee, and the art of taking back. 

MEDIUM (5 - 20K)

The Five Vetting Process by jaz_hop | Five&Siblings

summary: In which Five is incredibly invested in the love lives of his siblings, because they're obviously too stupid to choose anyone worthy enough to be their partner. Otherwise known as Five being stupidly over-protective, and incredibly invasive in the hopes of keeping his siblings safe and happy... even if he is being a stalker and a dick about it. 

LONG (20K+)

You and I Together Forever SERIES by Ace_of_Spades_400 @ace-of-spades-400 | Vanya&Siblings

summary: What if it hadn't only been Five, what if it hadn't been Five at all?

A series of stories about what would have happened if Vanya had chosen a different sibling.

Sometimes the choice isn't hers.

Timeliness 1-2.1 SERIES by dgalerab | Hargreeves Siblings

summary: As the world ends, Five takes his siblings back into their child bodies on the day he originally left. With the knowledge of how the world ends fresh in their minds, the Hargreeves siblings do what they can to leave clues for their past selves on how to grow up a little less fucked up before returning to the present.

A present where they all have different lives they can't remember, there's a fun new apocalypse on the way, and Reginald Hargreeves remembers the day where all his children suddenly and inexplicably lost their minds and all respect for him at once a little too well.

Rare Birds SERIES by Cryptix23 | Hargreeves Siblings

summary: An alternate 2019 brings with it new problems and new dangers.

The two sets of Hargreeves children mix like water on a greasefire. It's hard to tell which group is unhappier about the situation -- the Sparrows, trying to navigate the minefield of their new siblings' many traumas, or the Umbrellas, trying to carve their place back into a world that forgot them.

Plus the whole saving-the-world thing hanging over them all.

Whether they like it or not, they're going to have to learn to work together. 

Partners, Parents, or None of the Above by DarkFairytale | Diego&Klaus

summary:  Kenny's mom assuming that Diego and Klaus were A) a couple and B) Number Five’s parents was both bemusing and amusing at the time. But that was because it was the only time it had ever happened. Now though? Now they just can't understand why these misunderstandings keep happening. 

[dothwrites]

@redridinghood03 requested Destiel baking together with a flour war. <3

---

It’s an odd sort of life for a hunter when the worst catastrophe of the day is finding Cas trying to do things in the kitchen. 

“Thought we agreed that you weren’t going to experiment anymore,” Dean says, cautiously, because it’s 11am, which is still an hour before Cas is considered fully human. Antagonizing Cas at this hour, when a quick glance at the coffee maker tells him that the former angel is only a cup and a half deep, is a ballsy measure, but Dean didn’t get to his advanced age by playing safe. “Or that you would at least bring along an adventure buddy.” 

Cas doesn’t deign to look at him as he studies the flour spread out across the countertop with toddler like intensity. 

“Dean, when the ancestors of humanity’s ancestors were still swimming in the oceans, I was already a garrison commander,” Castiel says, and yeah, Dean made him mad. That’s a definite pissy tone in his voice. 

“All right grouchy, no need to brag.” 

Cas just grunts at him. Throwing caution to the winds, Dean creeps forward, enough that he can see the sad looking lump of...something...in the mixing bowl. 

“So uh...we’re having...” Dean’s nose wrinkles as he looks at the greyish lump congealing in the stainless steel bowl. He feels as though he should look away, just so this monstrosity can pass from the world in some kind of peace. At his elbow, he can feel the slow burn of Cas’ irritation. “Gruel?” he finally guesses. 

“I’ll just clean it up,” Cas says. 

Thing is, Dean loves ruffling Cas’ metaphorical feathers. He loves the look that Cas gets on him, like a cat who’s just been sprayed in the face with a squirt gun and holds a grudge over it. There’s something so delightful about seeing Castiel, badass former angel of the Lord, snapping and snarling because Dean changed the channel or moved his book or inconvenienced him in any way, shape, or form. 

He’d hoped for that pissy little reaction. What he gets is so much worse. Cas’ voice is resigned as he turns to the pathetic huddle of failure in front of him. The disappointment clear in the slump of his spine rubs against some half-healed, raw spot of Dean’s, until he’s rushing forward and catching the cold goop in his hands. It’s simultaneously lumpy and unnaturally smooth and he bites back the automatic gag as the soft, sticky mess oozes through the spaces in his fingers. 

“Maybe we can save this,” he tries. It’s a pipe-dream--This is obviously beyond saving, but anything to make that disappointed look disappear from Cas’ face. “What were you trying to make anyway?” 

Cas’ face gets that squinty, shifty look that it does when he’s trying to figure out the best way to slide around the relevant facts. Out of all of humanity’s little quirks, Dean wishes that Cas hadn’t taken to lying like a duck to water, but the good news is, for the most part, Cas is pretty fucking obvious when he decides to throw a little lie in the mix. 

Case in point: right fucking now. 

“A pastry dish,” Cas finally lands on. 

Dean can’t stop his snort, which is not a good thing, because all that does is serve to piss Cas off even further. Dean asks, around his own little helpless burbles of laughter and Cas’ half-snarl, “A pastry dish? Cas, you know that making pastry is like...well, it’s hard,” he finishes lamely, Cas’ glare finally getting to him. He bumps his hips into Cas’, ignores the little shiver of delight that he gets from the action and takes Cas’ place at the counter. “You don’t do anything by halves,” Dean murmurs.

It all makes sense now: the flour, the butter, the eggs, even the sodden lump of hopeful dough in the bowl. The only thing that Dean can’t understand is why Cas would wake up with the burning need to turn contestant on a baking show. As a human, Cas is vulnerable to whims, but this is stranger than most. 

“All right.” Dean rolls up his sleeves and surveys the countertop, same way he used to look at the weapons stashed in the back of the Impala. “Tell me what we’re dealing with.” 

“I was going to make it myself.” There’s something petulant in Cas’ tone, which Dean would normally roll right over (another bit of humanity that Dean wishes Cas hadn’t caught onto so quickly was the idea of stubbornness) but what makes him stop is the ragged, raw edge of something else. He doesn’t know what it is, but it’s not just a whim, like he originally thought. For whatever reason, Cas has decided that making this stupid pastry thing matters. 

“I know.” Dean dares to lean into Cas’ space, touch his shoulder to Cas’. Something about the contact relaxes them both, lets a little breath of fresh air into the room. “But no offense, you’re going to need some help. I’m here, I’m willing...Let’s just get it done.” 

The look on Cas’ face says that he’s not thrilled with Dean’s logic, but that he also doesn’t see a logical alternative. So Dean listens as Cas rattles off the ingredients that he’ll need (human or not, Castiel has a mind like a steel trap, which comes in damn handy most times) and the basic instructions. 

The flour hits the bowl with a soft whump and sends up a little cloud everywhere. Dean blinks through it, wiping away the bit that’s gotten on his cheeks. He rubs his fingers together before he looks over at Cas. 

“Oh hell,” he says around his laughter, “you’ve got...” 

A fine patina of flour sits on Cas’ hair, nose, and shoulders. It looks like he’s been in through a snowstorm or that he has the worst case of dandruff ever. Dean can’t help but laugh because the overly dignified stare that Cas tries to defend himself with doesn’t help relieve the ridiculousness of the situation. Instead, it just adds to it, like watching a cat trying to recover its lost dignity. 

Dean’s chuckles morph into outright laughter, becoming louder and more uncontrolled the more that Castiel tries to pull his cloak of dignity around him. Finally, Cas’ facade and patience both snap and he does that which Dean was not expecting him to do. 

Dean sputters around the sudden face full of flour, spitting clouds of white away from his mouth as he snorts in small bursts. He blinks to clear his vision and looks at Cas. Cas’ face is a mixture of satisfaction, horror at his own daring, and slowly but surely, delight. As Dean watches, the sheer joy eclipses everything else, until Cas is grinning, huge and wide and gummy, before he starts to laugh. 

He’s heard Cas chuckle before, short little huffs through his nose and, rarer than a blue moon, an occasional short bark of amusement (usually at Dean’s expense, but sometimes they watch funny stuff on TV). But this is the first time that he’s ever heard Cas laugh, a full bodied sound that comes up deep from the diaphragm and explodes through the kitchen, rich and warm and infectious enough that soon, Dean’s laughing along with him.  

“Asshole,” he says, gasping around his laughs as he seizes a handful of flour and tosses it in Cas’ general direction. It falls well short of him, but the intention was clear, and suddenly, like children, they’re chasing each other around the kitchen, dodging over and under tables and countertops, throwing flour. 

Castiel may have been the commander of an angelic garrison for thousands of years, but Dean’s an older brother. There was only ever one way that this was going to end.

It ends with Cas cornered against the fridge, hands empty as Dean advances on him, bag of flour in hand. “Dean,” Cas tries, holding his hands out in what Dean supposes is supposed to be reconciliation. “Dean, there’s no need for...Look at the kitchen, it’s already a mess...”

“Yes it is.” Dean’s cheeks hurt from smiling so hard. “And whose fault is that, Castiel?” 

Cas’ face shifts from a poor attempt at pleading to his smitey expression, eyes narrowed and mouth pressed into a flat line. “You started it,” he says, flatly, uncompromising. 

“Did I?” Dean asks, calm and sedate as he dumps half the bag over Cas’ head. 

After the dust settles (it turned out to be a kamikaze attack, the flour dust got Dean as well as Cas), they slump onto the floor, still huffing with breathless laughter. Dean’s shoulder presses into Cas’ and his fingers are tangled through Cas’. He decides to leave them there. 

“So what were you making?” Dean asks. Whatever it was, it’s long beyond salvaging now. He supposes that after they clean up, they can either try for Take 3 or, they can just do what they probably should have done to begin with, which is to go down to Lebanon’s bakery and buy whatever it is that Cas had a hankering for. 

Cas slants his eyes at him. “Well, it was March 14th, so I was trying to honor that occasion.” 

It takes Dean a minute to link the pieces together. “A pie,” he finally comes up with. “You were...you were trying to bake a pie.” 

“In honor of the day,” Cas says, seriously as if Pi Day were an internationally recognized day of mourning and not a fun coincidence that high school teachers all over the country seized. 

Dean’s still not done putting the pieces together. “You were making a pie because...” The last piece slots into place and Dean’s cheeks heat, at the same time as a grin starts to spread across his face. “Cas, were you making a pie for me?”

Cas is definitely looking shifty now, his fingers twitching underneath Dean’s as he starts to brush at the flour covering his jeans. Dean doesn’t let him pull away and laces his fingers tightly with Cas’. He doesn’t push or prod, because he’s learned through painful experimentation that pushing Cas too fast and too far beyond his comfort zone ends in nothing more than a snapped Fuck off Dean at best and a slapped ear at worst, but he also doesn’t let Cas pull away. Because Dean also knows that, while Cas aspires to be a world-class liar, there’s nothing he craves more than the truth. From everyone, but most often, himself. 

“It’s possible,” Cas begins, belligerence covering up something pale and vulnerable, “that, since it was already associated with the day, and since I knew that it was your favorite dessert, that it could be thought that I was making the pie for you--”

“You were going to make me a pie,” Dean breathes, just before he puts a hand on Cas’ cheek to tilt his head towards him. He checks Cas’ eyes, a silent is this ok and the look he gets from Cas screams full speed ahead, so Dean leans forward. 

Absurd that after all this time, what it takes is a failed pie and a kitchen doused in flour. But, Dean thinks, before Cas’ lips meet his and then he’s not thinking about much at all, much like pie crust, it’s usually not about the individual ingredients, but more the process and the sum of its parts. 

---

Later, curled up in his bed, satisfaction and bliss still humming through his veins, Dean nuzzles at the underside of Cas’ jaw, stubble prickling alongside his nose and cheeks. “Was there something that we forgot to do?” he asks, voice heavy and thick with impending sleep. “Feels like we’re missing something.” 

“Don’t know.” Cas’ arm curves over Dean’s waist and settles possessively on the small of his back. Miles and miles of skin are pressed against his and Dean loves it, would bottle this feeling and take hits off of it like a junkie if he could. “Sleep now. Worry later.” 

“Yeah,” Dean yawns, already halfway gone. Cas is right. Whatever it is that they’re missing, they can figure it out after a nap. 

That’s his last thought, at least until he hears the Sam’s shrill, “What the hell?” coming from the kitchen. 

Oh, Dean thinks, remembering the flour covering almost every inch of the kitchen, as well as the incriminating patterns made in said flour, as well as the obvious articles of clothing left in the kitchen. 

That’s what we forgot to do.

Then he sleeps. 

[dangerouscommiesubversive]

E with Kaito, Zack and Peco? If you’re alright with that

E is for equal and I am more than all right with that, this is a good ship.

Being slightly in love with Kumon Kaito isn’t an entrance requirement for Team Baron as much as it’s an inevitability, as much standard-issue as their red-and-black jackets and gray waistcoats. Some of it’s probably purely physical--he’s handsome enough, he’s got poise and grace, there’s a sort of giddy rush that comes with the matter-of-fact movement of his hands on your arm or leg as he corrects a move or gets you back on time. But just as much of it is the sense of certainty, the clear knowledge that he knows what’s going on even if you don’t. It’s intoxicating.

He knows it happens, too, knows that everyone on the team is nursing at least half a crush. Peko’s actually gotten the impression that he’d rather they didn’t. He’s not exactly someone who welcomes affection. He barely even likes most of them.

Except Zack. He definitely likes Zack. Well, everyone likes Zack. That’s not even a team thing, that’s just a general fact of life, if you’ve met Zack there’s at least a seventy-five percent chance that you like Zack. Still, sometimes when Kaito’s talking to Zack he almost smiles, which is a big deal.

So.

Kaito likes Zack, in his particular impenetrable Kaito way which could be friendly and could be something more. Zack has a very natural and obvious crush on Kaito.

And Peko, proud owner of both the best slingshot aim and the worst luck in Zawame, is desperately in love with both of them, and has been considering eating his nicest hat for several days now in the hopes of making it stop.

At least he can talk to Zack, who nearly chokes on his smoothie when Peko says, as innocently as possible, “So what were you and Kaito talking about the other day? You were busy for a while.”

Zack coughs, swallows the rest of his mouthful of banana-and-mango smoothie, and says, “Oh, you know. Team stuff.”

--

At first Zack kind of hated Kaito. Who did he think he was, barging in and taking over Azami’s team like he had any right to it? Zack had briefly considered leaving for another team, but then again, that would have meant leaving Peko behind, and that was entirely unacceptable. So he’d stayed. And by the time he’d realized that he was having feelings about Peko that Azami would probably kill him for, he’d come around on Kaito, too.

Or, more accurately, he’d fallen slightly in love with Kaito, because Kaito just has that effect on people. Which seems to be more of an irritation to him than anything; it’s not as if he likes most people.

Except Peko. He definitely likes Peko. Granted, you’d be an idiot to not like Peko, everyone does. Peko is inherently likeable. He’s cheerful and good-natured. Zack’s considered petitioning the city to make it illegal for him to wear hats that make his hair flop in his eyes.

What had he been thinking about?

Right. Kaito, inasmuch as he has friendly feelings towards anyone, likes Peko. Peko has a radiantly obvious crush on Kaito, slightly more so than most of the other members of Team Baron.

Zack is left trying to figure out when the hell he fell in love with the two most wildly different people he interacts with on a daily basis and how he can make it stop. Having a crush on Peko is bad enough when he has dinner with the guy and his sister every couple of weeks and thus has to weather Azami’s knowing looks; being simultaneously continuously distracted by the set of his team leader’s mouth is just. Obnoxious.

And then, of course, everything gets very confusing, so when Peko asks him a perfectly reasonable question he nearly chokes on his smoothie in an effort to stop himself from saying, Well, Kaito and I were talking out some new choreography and then I think he nearly kissed me. "Oh, you know," he manages after a moment. "Team stuff. New moves, new music."

Peko nods enthusiastically. Why does he have to be so cute? "That's pretty exciting! I mean, not that I don't like our current choreography, but it'd be good to change things up a little, right? To keep people's interest?"

"Yeah, definitely, I--" --can't stop thinking about Kaito except when I'm thinking about you. "I think it's going to be good. Here, I’ve got samples of some of the potential new music on my phone.”

--

Kaito doesn't like people. They are, for the most part, useless, obnoxious, and weak. Zack, however, is neither weak, nor useless, and his obnoxiousness is variable and mainly connected to how good he looks on any particular day.

Peko's weakness is arguable, but he's...

Kaito doesn't generally like to think of anything or anyone as "cute," and is trying not to make a habit of it.

In any case, Zack and Peko are transparently interested in each other, and perhaps if they start dating then Peko will be on time to practice more often. Kaito has decided that he's not going to examine the odd feeling he gets when he thinks of them together. He's certainly not going to let himself have any more lapses in self-control like the other day's. He's sure that Zack would have allowed the kiss, but he's not interested in being simply tolerated.

Peko is most likely better for Zack, anyway, and Zack is definitely better for Peko. Thus, Kaito resolves firmly not to pursue his own absurd infatuations any further.

After barely two days, though, he finds his resolve being thoroughly tested when Zack manages to corner him after practice and open the conversation with, "Hey, look, Kaito, about the other day."

Kaito looks up at him, quietly resentful of the fact that looking up is even necessary, and says, "Were you interested in revisiting the new musical choices?"

Zack's eyes narrow. "You know that's not what I'm talking about."

"I don't see any need to discuss the other aspects of our conversation."

“Not even the--look, you know.” Zack gestures incoherently, looking frustrated and slightly embarrassed. A momentary glance around to make sure that none of the other members of the team are lurking nearby before, “Did you actually want to kiss me or am I imagining things?”

Kaito glares at him. “Whether or not I did is immaterial, you’re interested in Peko.”

A suspended pause. “I’m--I mean, I am, yeah, but he’s got the worst crush on you, so it’s not like that’d go anywhere. Besides, his sister would kill me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Zack, Azami thinks you’re--repeat that first part.”

“...did you not notice that Peko’s got it bad for you?”

“For how long, exactly?”

At which point, of course, Peko rounds the corner already saying, “Hey, we were looking for you guys, did you want to go to Drup--” and stops dead when they turn simultaneously to stare at him, and Kaito briefly considers leaving dance completely and going into something which causes less emotional turmoil. Politics, perhaps.

Peko is blushing. Zack is also blushing. Kaito feels somewhat warm, which means he’s likely blushing himself, which is not to be borne, so he cuts directly to the point. “Peko, I need you to settle a question.”

A slow nod. “O...k?”

“Zack is under the impression that you’re...interested in me.”

Peko jumps. His hat nearly falls off. “I mean. Uh. Yeah. But you’re sort of obviously into Zack, and he’s definitely into you, sorry, Zack, apparently we’re just talking about this now? So it’s not like I was going to bring it up or anything.”

“I had gotten the distinct idea that you and Zack were--I’m sorry, Zack is what?”

Zack stares fixedly into space for a long moment, long enough that Peko begins to look visibly worried and Kaito allows himself the beginnings of concern. When he finally speaks, it’s very quietly. “So if I’ve got this straight, I’ve been twisting myself in knots for a while now because I was interested in both of you and thought you were more into each other, and you’ve both been doing the same thing.”

Kaito scowls. “That seems to be the case, yes. I don’t believe I signed up to be the protagonist in some sort of romance comic.”

“Oh, no, if this was a romance comic one of you probably would have slapped the wall already.” Both Kaito and Zack turn to look at Peko, who grins awkwardly and scratches the back of his head. “I’m just saying. All I know is it wouldn’t be me, it’s always the tall guy and I’m kind of the opposite of that.” He adjusts his hat, avoiding both of their gazes. “So did you want to come to Drupers?”

Intensely irritated in a way that he can’t quite pinpoint, and which is only made more confusing by the overlaid sense of relief, Kaito says, “Yes,” and grabs Zack’s hand, ignoring the startled noise the gesture produces. He grabs Peko’s hand as well in passing, and Peko lets out a squawk that’s offensively charming and stumbles along after him. “I’m going to get the largest parfait Bandou will make me, and we’re going to discuss this later.”

Peko has to quicken his pace to keep up with Kaito’s quick steps, while Zack shortens his stride a bit in order to stay with them and says, “And you’re not concerned about people staring at us walking down the street holding hands like this?”

“They can stare if they want to.” Kaito is feeling distractingly pleased, and it’s taking more effort than he cares to consider to keep a smile off his face. “It’s not any of their business.”

[daybreak-academy-fanfic]

Daybreak Academy: Chapter 51

Memories

Summary: In which a happy conversation between the headmasters becomes serious. Word Count: 1,566 First | Previous | Next ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆

For the first time in awhile, the five of them were able to sit down and just laugh. The best part was that there were no kids around- which meant absolutely no censoring or holding back information. Unless you counted the turtle; then there technically was a child there, just one that couldn't talk back.

There was absolutely no contest that Ira looked incredibly good for someone that just turned 39. His smile brought out the smallest of crow's feet, but they worked so well on him that it only added to his charm. At least, that was what he hoped, anyway. Having all five of them together was like reliving every memory they had before they truly became adults. No responsibilities, no kids to deal with, no tensions brought about by work, and absolutely no reservations on what they were going to do after tonight.

And honestly? Ira had missed those days.

“We need to eat out together for our birthdays more often.” he smiled at them after some point. “I don't think we've had this much fun in years.”

“Agreed.” the other four simultaneously said. They all looked at each other before going into another round of laughter.

“Okay, okay, okay,” Gula laughed, “So who else remembers that year when we decided to go surfing, and Aced had this massive wipeout?”

“Oh, I do!” Invi snickered. “He refused to come out of the ocean with Ava and I there because his swim trunks fell off.”

“Why do you guys keep bringing that up?” Aced grumbled. “That was the worst day of my life!”

“Because it was hilarious!” Gula chuckled.

“It kinda was.” Ava agreed with a small giggle of her own. “I don't think I've ever seen you look so red, Aced!”

“Oh, I have.” Invi grinned before taking a deliberate sip of wine. Everyone but Aced went into another round of laughter.

“What about that year Ava found a hermit crab and tried her best to bring it home with us?” Ira suggested, casually resting his elbows on the table and placing his chin in his knitted hands.

“MoM almost let me too!” Ava smiled. “Of course, now I have a much cuter shell baby this year. Isn't that right, Shelby?”

The turtle, who was not allowed on the table and instead remained by Ava's feet, looked up at her and happily bobbed its head in agreement. Ava gave the tiny thing a little smile, bending down to pat his head, then took a strawberry from her plate to give to him. Shelby let out an excited clicking noise as Ava set the strawberry down beside him. Ava gave him another little laugh before returning her attention to her fellow headmasters.

“You know,” Gula remarked, “It's a small wonder none of us are married yet. Sure, it makes sense for Ava and I, since we're still spring chickens. But you three? You're practically over the hill. And besides Ephemer (who isn't really your son Ava, he's only ten years younger than you), we don't have any kids either. Isn't that something? What are the odds of that?”

“I don't think they're as high as you think they are, Gula.” Ira surmised with a neat raise of his eyebrow.

Aced almost agreed with Ira before something crossed his mind. For a brief moment, he remembered the conversation he had with April on their date a month ago. April had mentioned that many of the staff assumed that Invi had taken her sabbatical to cover up the fact she was pregnant. Curious, he gave Invi a glance to see her reaction.

Invi looked like she wanted to be anywhere but there. Her face had suddenly gone pale as she tightly held her wine glass with both her hands. When she noticed that Aced was looking at her, she shot him a dark look before it quickly turned into one of worry instead. It was that very look that made Aced realize something. But this wasn't the place to be questioning it.

“Invi?” Ava wondered as she looked at her fellow headmaster. “Are you alright? You look like you're about to be sick...”

Breaking her gaze with Aced, Invi shook her head. “Too much wine.” she mumbled. “But never mind me.” She looked up and gave Aced a wicked smile. “I almost bet Aced could bring us another child in the next year, if he and Ms. Tremaine get any cozier.”

“What?!” the oldest of the five shrieked. “What makes you think…?!”

“So is that what I hear late at night?” Gula smirked. “I wondered which one of us was getting at it again.”

Ira also gave a snide smirk. “It's a very distinct sound, isn't it?” he also teased. “Not quite grunting, but it sure isn't a moan either. I don't think I've ever heard anything quite like it.”

Aced's face was now a deep shade of red. He wanted to hide, while at the same time he wanted to strangle them all. “Now wait a minute…!”

“You're a bear in every sense of the word, Aced.” Invi told him, her grin wickedly catlike. “Big, strong, growling, gay...”

“That's enough!” Aced thundered, slamming his fists into the table. Everyone jumped a little at the impact- even Shelby, who then choose to hiss at Aced's feet. The oldest of them glared them all down as he demanded, “Can we PLEASE change the subject? This is the EXACT reason why I chose to be celibate after we broke up!”

A tense silence filled between the five of them now. No one wanted to look at Aced and his perfectly fuming face. Above all, he glared at Invi. He could see it now- he could see that she had secrets that she wasn't willing to tell. He could see how suddenly aware she was that, perhaps, he did know her secret and could have blurted it out to the rest of them. What was stopping him? In fact, it would even open up some very interesting discussions that they could all take a part of.

“I'm sorry.” Invi said first. “I didn't mean to overstep.”

“I bet you didn't.” Aced grumbled. But he relaxed his body, plopping back down in his seat with a huff. “I bet you didn't mean anything at all, Invi.”

As he mentally tried to ground himself after his outburst, Aced still continued to cast Invi a dark, accusatory glare that she only shrank under. The other three didn't know what to do or say. For the longest time, the only sound in the room came from Shelby, who resumed to happily munch away on his strawberry.

Hoping to change the mood a bit, Ava carefully spoke up to say, “I think you and April are a nice couple. She seems genuinely happy to be with you- even her daughter Annie seems to like you.” A small smile appeared on Ava's face before she said, “She's such a sweetie too. She and Ephemer would absolutely adore each other.”

“Anastasia is quite intelligent.” Invi agreed. “I do find it odd that the two aren't already acquainted- but they are a few years apart, and in different houses.”

“Ephemer knows everyone on campus- even the staff.” Gula informed them in a matter-of-fact voice. “He just chooses who he wants to see on a daily basis. Like Anora, Skuld, and Ventus; he met them out of coincidence, and now he considers them his best of friends. You know why? It's because he purposely sought them out after. Some more than others, of course...”

“I assume you're referring to Anora?” Ira questioned. “She was an odd case, but adapted quickly enough. Still seems odd that she got an acceptance letter during winter break. Did we ever find out who sent that letter out? It wasn't any of us, was it?”

“From my understanding,” Aced grumbled, “It was the superintendent. I would know- I'd recognize his signature on the paperwork in a heartbeat.”

“But why?” Ava wondered. “Sure, she's one of our more exceptional students, but he couldn't have known that beforehand. Could he? No one in Anora's family is Daybreak alumni. I don't even think they're native to Departure County at all.”

They all went silent at this, none of them truly having an answer. Eventually, Invi looked up at them with an unreadable expression on her face.

“Ephemer wasn't the only one who tried to find information on Anora when she arrived.” she told them in a still voice. “It was how I caught him going through the student records. But that was just the thing; her records? Completely useless. At least, on terms about why she was enrolled. Her emergency contacts all rang over to dead numbers. The only family she has is a desk jockey aunt, a reserved cousin, and an uncle stationed out at sea. And her parents...”

Invi hesitated for a moment. The other headmasters leaned a bit closer to her so she could finish, but she didn't continue. Instead, she seemed to have spaced out a little, looking at something far off that didn't quite look right.

“What about her parents, Invi?” Gula questioned, sounding a bit more forceful than he intended. Invi blinked as she brought her attention back to the other four. In an ambiguous voice, she said to them;

“I hope you like mysteries, because this one is fascinating.”

[readyplayerhobi]

Insert Quippy Title Here!!

; Deadpool!Jimin x Reader

; Genre: Smutty smut smut smu- okay there’s some fluff and crack too

; Word Count: Long..like my di- (8.5k)

; Warnings: Everything bab- (WOULD YOU LET ME SPEAK?!) oral sex (hola senor blowjob), masturbation (sweet baby grapes yes), anal play ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  crude language (what are you 12?), unprotected sex (stay safe kids!), spanking

; Synopsis: There is no synopsis. It’s just you...me...and a real good time sweet cheeks.

; A/N: This just came about because I talked about it with @yminie. Probably not as funny as I thought it was...there’s a plot if you squint somewhere. Supposed to be a drabble. Evidently not.

-

The living room is quiet until suddenly a figure jumps up from behind the couch, jolting in surprise as he turns round and catches sight of the reader. A black gloved hand presses against the red leather that covers his chest while the white eye circles of his face mask become overly exaggerated.

“Oh...you scared me there. I was just...cleaning...for dust bunnies. Behind the couch. Definitely not playing with tiny unicorn toys. No way. You’re dead wrong. And if you tell my girlfriend. I will call you a liar. A big...beautiful liar.” He moves around the couch in tiny, awkward movements before his hand flicks quickly as he throws something away.

The toy unicorns hit the ground with tiny plastic thumps but he lets out a high pitched giggle that distracts attention. “So...you may recognise me. I’m kind of a big deal. At least, I think I’m a big deal. You may recognise me from that super awesome comic series, or even the really, hugely successful films that have come out starring the incredibly handsome Ryan Reynolds. What a face, am I right?”

He sits down, grumbling slightly when one of the swords on his back catches the couch pillow before he throws it to the side and leans backwards, spreading both arms while crossing a leg over his knee.

“So...my story. I have many...many different stories. And this is a...a little one. A short one. Just for you guys. My sweet, beautiful, loyal people.” A kiss is blown. “My name is Park Jimin, and I’m one handsome motherfucker if I do say so myself.” His head tilts to the side before shrugging.

“A few things to make clear before we move on with this ‘totally-not-fanfiction’ story. Number one, if you’re questioning where the extra four inches went compared to Ryan Reynolds,” He shifts slightly and strokes his ass. “Prime Park ass, right here. Perfect.” Bringing his fingers together, he blows another kiss.

“Secondly, I cannot be held accountable if you fall in love with me. I’m sorry my darlings, but it just can’t be. Fourthly, I was born in Busan first - wait I’m not supposed to know that yet. Fifthly...is that a word? Wait...did I miss a number? Did I? Whatever. What was I going to say?” Everything starts to go black and he jerks around, complaining loudly.

“Wait, no! STOP IT! You come back here camera! DON’T TAKE ME AWAY FROM THE-wait I have to go so the story starts? Oh...okay, capiche.” He finger guns to the side before saluting. “Enjoy table fuckers. I LOVE YOU SPIDER-MAN!” He screams before everything stops.

-

The first time you’d ever met Park Jimin, he’d been regaling the room with a story about a fuzzy unicorn that had come into his room and given him a blowjob in the middle of the night. He’d been high at the time of course, but you’d come to learn that Jimin’s mind genuinely worked that way sometimes.

The scarred yet incredibly handsome man had an infectious personality that both exasperated and amused you, pulling you in while simultaneously making you want to push him away. He’d been a complete enigma to you, still was sometimes, and you often wondered if he was actually okay.

Yet despite the foul mouth he had on him, he’d proven to be a loyal friend to you once he’d let you inside those high walls. It had taken two years of friendship, with him scurrying off at random points and blurting out the most obscene comments, before you finally asked him on a date.

At the time, he’d been incredulous, pointing to himself frequently and asking if you were aware who you were asking out. He was loud mouthed and occasionally offensive, but he had a heart of gold and a little bit of insecurity to go along with it. How could you not fall in love with him?

Honestly, he probably only dated you for the first few months to see if you’d actually stay around or if he was going to find out that it was some big, elaborate prank. It hadn’t been, as you’d genuinely found him attractive and his personality infectious, despite the concerns from your friends and family.

And yet...once he’d realised that you were staying with him because of him and not some dumb bet you’d made with Yoongi, he’d lowered his guard with you. Maybe too much actually. He had odd habits. Like some weird overgrown cat, he’d started to leave you presents in your home. Teddy bears, gummy sweets...even a hosepipe, which had been bizarre until he had simply shrugged and said they were on sale at Home Depot.

You didn’t even have anywhere to use a hosepipe. You lived in an apartment in the city, which he knew about.

If anything, you often got the impression that Jimin didn’t really have many real interactions with people who weren’t his best friend. In fact, it was a constant surprise to you that Taehyung was friends with Jimin...because he was as normal as apple pie.

And yet the feeling that there was something special about Jimin had gone on unabated, He would vanish at the weirdest times, say the oddest things on the phone sometimes and he also had the most unreal skills when it came to games or anything sports like - even if he did whine like a soccer mom at a PTA meeting.

His distinctly odd behaviour, which says a lot given how unusual he behaves anyway, had meant that the revelation of his alter ego had been anti-climatic. Like getting excited to go for a meal at your friends house and then finding out you have to eat a salad, not exactly nutritious and about as filling as the dick you’d had on prom night.

Honestly, he was a bit of an idiot sometimes. You’d been dating six months when you found out, walking into his apartment with a box of pizza in your arms only to discover your frequently ebullient boyfriend half naked.

That, was not the unusual bit. He liked to walk around in his tight Spider-Man briefs, pointing out the cute cartoon face on them frequently before asking if you’d like to touch his dick. Or his Spider-Man toys. So no, being half naked was not the bit that had made you raise your eyebrows, even if your boyfriend was insanely ripped for a ‘delivery boy’.

No, it had been the red and black leather suit that he’d been tugging on, one arm already inserted before he’d frozen in place. Your jaw had dropped at the sight, eyes going almost comically wide as he stood awkwardly, the famous mask with two black areas under the white eyes staring up at you from the couch.

“Listen, let’s be honest. This is not the weirdest thing you’ve caught me doing.” He’d stated bluntly, his tone very calm for someone whose girlfriend was finding out his super-alter ego. You’d gone to argue with him, placing the box of pepperoni pizza on the side table and stepping closer before stopping when he raised his hand.

“Remember that time I got so high I tried to smoke a cat’s tail? Or the time you caught me eating Play-Doh because Taehyung swore to me that it was edible candy? Which it wasn’t, the fucker. I had the worst shits for a week. Or that time you found me trying to suck my own di-” You’d held your own hand up then, eyes goggling before you’d simply sat on the couch and opened the box.

“No, you know what? You’re right. This is definitely not the strangest thing I’ve ever found you doing. Carry on Mr Superhero. I can’t guarantee there’ll be pizza waiting whenever you’re done.” You’d mumbled around a slice, moaning softly at the delicious taste of rich cheese combining with smokey pepperoni.

Jimin had stood at the door, his mask grasped in a tightly fisted black leather gloved hand while a look of childish petulance had taken over at the sight of you eating the pizza. “Not fair. You know I love the pepperoni from Jimmy’s! This is unjust torture. This is illegal. I’m calling the United Nations!”

He’d stormed out then before running back in and grabbing a slice, shouting out loudly that he loved you like Trump loved money and disappearing. You’d been in bed when he’d come back, neither of you commenting on his earlier antics.

As such, you’d slid into a strangely comfortable relationship that was open and honest. Your only requirement was that he a) not die, which apparently was like impossible for him or something, and b) not kill people in front of you. He’d bitched about it like a weak ass celebrity rapper in a feud looking for attention but accepted it.

He was still possibly the oddest person you’d ever met, but over the last 2 years of dating you’d gotten used to it. Which was why you were only mildly exasperated at his current antics in the middle of the restaurant you’d brought him to for your twice monthly date.

“Jimin, we’re supposed to be like...on a date. With each other. So like...why are you staring at those pictures of Spider-Man?” You ask, frowning as he sits frozen in place with his gaze firmly centered on the magazine. In it, there’s a double spread picture of Spider-Man in all his glory, his firm and toned body stretched out as he swoops through New York City.

Where he’d even pulled that from, you didn’t know, but he’d found it all the same. And Spider-Man was like catnip to Jimin.

“Have you ever...have you ever seen such beauty? It’s like...he’s like...if Chris Hemsworth had a baby with Chadwick Boseman and then that guy had a baby with Chris Evans and then that guy had a baby with Lupita Nyong’o and then THAT girl had a baby with Ji Chang Wook and then-” You cut him off with a raised hand.

“I get it. It’s like a lot of beautiful people improbably had babies with each other to produce the most beautiful person in the world. You do realise, you have no idea who Spider-Man is right? He might be the ugliest person in the world for all you know.” You reason with him, running a finger along the printed image of Spider-Man’s stomach.

He looks at you with wide eyes before pointing at his own scarred face, causing you to scoff and roll your eyes at his self-deprecation. “Look at his thighs though. I wish I was in the Avengers. I mean...my god. Those thighs are like...works of art. It’s like...Michelangelo and Raphael had a baby and-” Reaching forward, you press your hand to his mouth firmly.

“If you fucking say the word baby one more time, I will stab you in the dick with a fork.” Beneath your hand, you can feel his lips pulling into a grin while his brows wiggle. Leaning back, you cross your arms over your chest and wait to hear what he’s thinking.

“Baby...I didn’t know you were into that kind of thing. Let’s swing by the grocery store after this and pick up a cutlery set. What’s your thoughts about egg cups?” Lips twitching, you look away as your head shakes exasperatedly. Honestly, you wonder how on earth he always has a quip for everything.

“Seriously though. Those thighs. I mean...he can jump as high as a building so they’re packing some punch. What I wouldn’t give to get my ribcage smashed in by him. He looks like he could like...crush a mountain between those big and juicy thighs. I want to be that mountain. I want him to crack me like an egg and then do it all over again.” He looks up at you with eyes that are wide, his pupils blown out and you bite your lip to stop laughing.

“Are you hard?” You ask, your voice almost flat with expectation and zero surprise. Jimin looks down at his own lap and rubs a hand over his crotch slowly, brow raised.

“My penis is erect. Yes. I can’t help it. He just...turns me on so much. I can use it on you if you’d like? Forget about fork play. What’s your thoughts on role play? In particular...have you ever considered wearing a Spider-Man cosplay outfit? Because...I think you could work it. And you know that I have a strap-on that you can use. On me. Obviously. Please. It’s my one fantasy.” He begs, crossing his fingers together as he begs you from across the table.

Your brow raises as you watch him in amusement. “I thought your fantasy was to fuck on the wings of an airplane when it’s at full height?” He had very strange fantasies.

He pauses with plump lips wide open and those brown irises becoming more visible as his excitement deflates. “That’s one of them. But it’s kind of hard to fulfill you know. People generally need oxygen at that level and it’s really cold. I’m into some kinky shit but...dead people is a step too far. Even for me baby doll.”

Sighing deeply, you pinch your nose with your fingers as you breath out slowly afterwards. Centering yourself, you look back up at him with a fond smile as you reach across and take his hand, squeezing tightly.

“I’m not Spider-Man, and I’m not into stabbing you with cutlery. Nor can I fuck you on a plane. But I can give you a really good blow job and hopefully mind numbing sex back at mine if you’d like? A little vanilla but...oh well.” His own dark brow raise up and he runs a hand through his dark hair.

“What about a little anal play?” He lifts his fingers and moves them to give an inch gap, his pink tongue poking through his lips. You raise a brow and poke at your cheek with your own tongue.

“Not really in the mood for that tonight babe.” Jimin rolls his eyes at that and mimics you exaggeratedly, causing your eyes to narrow. He catches it and holds his hands up placatingly.

“Not you. Me. Just...give me a little something-something you know? Please.” Sighing, you gesture to the waiter for the bill as you take a final sip of your water, smiling at him as you lean forward.

“Fine.” Jimin dances in his seat excitedly, his bright smile taking over his face and you laugh quietly. Paying the bill, you’d both agreed a while ago to alternate between paying which was why you’d chosen something particularly cheap today, you stand up and take his hand when he gives it.

“Let’s go fuck my ass!” He says out loud, causing the rest of the patrons of the restaurant to stare with wide eyes. Cheeks heating up at his loud comment, you groan and push him to the exit as quickly as possible.

“Do you have no shame?!”

“Does Tony Stark have too much money? Hell no! On that note, don’t you think it’s unfair that we don’t get paid for like...saving the world? I mean...it’s a public service you know. In fact, they even tried to charge me for breaking a store window. Excuse me! But if it wasn’t for me...they’d be dead!” Jimin continues on down the street, causing you to sigh good naturedly.

You spot a shortcut that would cut out at least ten or fifteen minutes of your journey between two buildings while he rants and gently tug him towards it. The closer you got, the more he slowed down until it felt like you were trying to drag a toddler.

Actually you were lucky, there had been occasions when Jimin had just gotten onto the floor and whined. You’d, literally, had to drag a grown man across the floor.

Looking down the grim alley with a grimace, Jimin hesitates slightly before looking back at you. His eyes widen almost comically before he pulls an overly exaggerated grimace, whining and stamping his feet.

“Do we have to go down the dark and scary alley with a completely unarmed and untrained woman on my arm? Or can we just go to the well lit street and get a taxi back home?” He asks deadpan, causing you to raise a brow.

“It’s just an alley Jimin, calm down. Besides, you have like...crazy superpowers. If we’re attacked, just fight them. And you can’t die either.” He scoffs at that as he follows you, kicking at an empty can petulantly as his thumbs hook onto his belt loop.

“Yeah, okay. I’m just going to say that though I can’t die, it fucking hurts. Imagine your neck being snapped and then having to re-snap it back into place! Sweet baby Jesus and all the disciples, it’s like a pain you’ve never known. And you never will, because it will kill you. And we’re not testing that okay?” He mutters, causing to chuckle lightly at him as you wrap your arms around one well built arm.

“Is someone scared of the scary alley?” You pout to him, sticking your lower lip out almost comically. He gasps theatrically and places a hand on his chest daintily, leaning back to give it maximum effect.

“Moi? Scared of a creepy alley that is obviously going to be filled with enemies that I have to defeat because that’s how stories with superheroes go? Don’t be silly. I’m just annoyed at the poor plot choice here. That plot hole is so big, I can almost fit my dick in it. It’s almost like this story is being written by an amateur fanfiction writer.” He glares at some unseen figure in the sky, causing your brows to crease together.

“I’m going to elect to ignore that bizarre comment.” You mumble, tugging him forward when you can see the end of the alley.

Sudden movement from behind a dumpster has you freezing and you watch as a guy stands up, holding a knife out at you both. Jimin lets out quite possibly the world’s loudest groan at the sight, throwing his hands in the air.

“Fucking really? Really? This is...ridiculous. Come on General Fucknugget, just...lay off it tonight. I’m on a date with my girl and I’m going home for banging sex. No, you’re not invited.” He rolls his eyes, shifting his weight onto one leg as he eyes the man grumpily.

The guy sneers in response, waving the knife between you both as he grunts out. “Gimme your valuables. All of it. And your money.” Jimin mutters to himself softly, something about lame plots and superhero origin stories.

“Dude, you’re totally lucky I’m not in my suit right now. Or you’d realise this is a bad idea.” Your boyfriend tries to placate him, admirably holding onto his snark and temper given that he’s in the presence of you. But the guy ignores him and lunges forward, shaking the knife even more violently.

“Give it to me, or I’ll cut you!” At that, Jimin pauses and snorts out loud before eyeing the guy.

“Wow...scary. Did your mom write that? I mean...I doubt it...she was being a lot more creative when my dick was in her last night.” He sneers, baring his teeth at the mugger while his fingers curl up into fists.

At that, the guy gives a snarl of his own and jerks forward once more. “I’m gonna cut those pretty eyes right out of your fucking head while your girlfriend watches, then fuck her too.” You watch with wide eyes, gripping onto Jimin’s shirt to hold back before your boyfriend bursts into laughter suddenly.

“Oh geez. Oh man, so dark. You must be from the DC Universe! Tell me, is Henry Cavill still Superman or has he really left? I mean...after that performance in Mission Impossible, he should have just shaved off his moustache for that weird scene. Christ, it was not worth keeping that facial hair.” Both you and the guy pause, looking at each other almost comically in confusion before Jimin suddenly lashes out with a hard push that has the guy rocking back a few steps.

“Hey! Asshole!” The mugger shouts out, spitting on the ground to add to the waste that’s already littering it. Your nose wrinkles at the sight, until you notice another guy slowly coming forward from further down the alley. He too has a knife in his hand and you feel Jimin sigh.

“Oh look, it’s the weekly Dumbass Anonymous meeting. Fun. If your General Fucknugget, then is this Captain Cheese Dick? If I had my swords then you guys would be fucked!” He threatens, perhaps a little empty given he’s just waving his arms around now. The threat is obviously useless as they just laugh, eyeing the fact that he has no obvious weapons.

“Babe...do something already!” You whisper furiously, fully aware that Jimin could take out these two guys in only a few seconds. Compared to what he normally deals with, this is nothing! He turns around at that, ignoring the two and looks at you incredulously.

“Seriously? With what? Interpretative fucking dance? This isn’t Guardians of the Galaxy, I can’t win with a dance off. They have knives! And I have nothing but my dashing good looks and sharp quips.” He jerks his head at that, running a hand through his hair almost model-esque and you refrain from rolling your eyes. You’d only get eye strain from how many times you have to do it.

“I don’t know! A brick? There’s lot of them!” You say, pointing to the chipped bricks that litter the ground. He eyes them with disdain at first before those orbs light up with a sudden idea. Grinning, he wraps his arms around you tightly and spins you around before dropping you back down.

“Genius babe! It worked in the second film, so it’ll work now. Damn, who knew you were meta too?” You have no idea what he’s talking about but he picks up a brick and throws it in the air, catching it with ease. “Say hello...to my bricky friend.”

At that, he launches the brick at the first guys stomach and you shuffle backwards as you watch the guy bend over, wheezing as he holds his abdomen in pain. Jimin ignores him however and launches himself at the other guy, sprinting forward before suddenly sliding underneath him in a slick, impressive move. He spins around with his leg outstretched and the other guy falls over with a yelp as his own legs are knocked out from under him, the knife clattering to the ground.

With lightning fast moves, Jimin grabs the knife and slams the handle into the guys head, knocking him out cold on the floor before he’s up and moving once more. The first mugger is standing gingerly, with his knife held out in front of him as he tracks Jimin’s movements warily.

The corner of Jimin’s mouth ticks up and you can almost see the pleasure he gets out of this as he teases the guy, jerking his body one way before moving the other in rapid movements. After a few of those, he jumps forward and grabs hold of the guys arm, holding it out straight as he slams his body into outstretched part.

He’s moved in the direction the arm doesn’t bend and there’s a sickening crunch that ricochets in the alley, followed quickly by the guys sharp scream. Letting the guys arm go, Jimin pivots in place and performs the most perfect roundhouse kick to the head, leg straight and muscles straining from the effort, sending the guy crashing to the ground.

Picking up the fallen knife, Jimin drops down to straddle the guy and lifts it high in the air. “This is for threatening my girlfriend you ass. And for doing crime. Crime is bad! Did you never go to school? Or even watch a police chase programme? Or listen to Captain America?”

You rush forward at that, grabbing Jimin’s arm and making him drop the knife. He looks at you exasperated as you shake your head. “No killing when I’m here remember!” You hiss at him. He stares for a moment before groaning and letting his head fall back.

“You’re so lucky Mr Crime Man, that Batman over here doesn’t approve of me killing dudes around her. Each person I kill gets me a one week sex ban. So...in the name of my hard on, you are free to live another day.” He leans forward suddenly until he’s nose to nose with the mugger, whose eyes go wide as he cradles his arm tenderly. “But if you do anything again, I’m gonna make you get real acquainted with my swords. Remember the name, Martha and Stewart. Because they’ll be the last things you ever se-”

You interrupt him suddenly. “Really? You named your swords Martha Stewart? Oh my god. I’m dating a fucking nerd. I thought you called them Scarlett Johansson?” The words are said with just a tiny, read - a lot, of sarcasm and Jimin grits his teeth as he glares at you.

“Babe. I’m trying to be scary here. Can you criticise my sword name choice later? And they were, but I got the feeling you didn’t like them being named after someone so beautiful so I changed it. Anyway, not important!” He hisses before going back to the mugger.

“Right yeah. Blah, blah. Scary threat. Tell all your friends that Deadpool is watching for you. Dick ass.” He stands up at that, bringing up two fingers to his eyes before gesturing them back to the guy menacingly as you both walk down the whole alley.

You pull his hand away as you sigh. “Stop doing that. What are you? Ten?”

Jimin snorts as he wraps his arm around your waist comfortably, pulling you flush to his side as he wiggles his brows. “Inches yes. All the more to please you with baby. Kim Taehyung has got nothing on this Big Dick Energy.”

You don’t even both to answer him as you walk down the street to your apartment, just happy he didn’t kill a man in front of you. He always complained that your apartment was in a crappy area, but you often just pointed out that he lived in an abandoned warehouse in the middle of drug dealing gangs.

Your place at least had a bunch of stores nearby, so there were perks to that. Which he’d conceded to, acknowledging that the Korean store nearby had the best pre-packaged kimchi outside of Korea itself.

Probably a lie, but whatever.

Shoulder barging the door open, you let him into your place before closing the door and locking all four locks carefully. He watches with a raised brow, flicking the plywood door with a sneer. “I could break this with my pinky finger babe. It’d take nothing for someone to get in here, and then it’s welcome to Deadtown, population...you. And I’ll be unhappy if you die, just FYI. I may even go full on Celine Dion like in the film.”

Frowning at him, you move past him before going into the bedroom. He follows behind you, still complaining about your apartment and you turn around midway through stripping off, shirt thrown into the clothes bin.

“Do you want to get laid or would you rather keep sucking your own dick? Sounds like you’re doing a good job of it right now.” You state plainly, turning around as you unbutton your jeans. The sound of fabric moving from behind you tells you that he’s stripping off too, neither of you feeling the need to be too sexy right now.

“Maybe I wouldn’t suck my own dick if I didn’t do it so well.” He mutters and you spin around, crossing your arms over chest. It immediately pushes your breasts up and he pauses halfway through unzipping his jeans to stare.

“You have nice tits. Have I told you that before? Real...real nice. Come here sweet thing, let me suck on them. I know you like that.” He grins, pretty smile taking over. You wish he wasn’t so beautiful, it’d be easier to stay mad at him sometimes.

Rolling your eyes, you move over to him and let him wrap his arms around your shoulders, kissing your hair as his hands slide down your body to cup your hips. Slipping his fingers underneath the waistband of your panties, he pulls them back and lets the elastic snap against your hips.

The slight pain makes you hiss as you glare up at him, digging your own fingers into the firm meat of his hips. Immediately he’s grinning and pressing against your ass, pushing you into his crotch where you feel his hard erection already ready.

“I like that baby doll. How about you tie me up, slap me and call me Mandy?” He whispers into your ear, licking along the edge of your ear lobe before sucking it into his lips seductively. The feeling makes you shudder, eyelids fluttering shut before you register his words and pull back with narrowing eyes.

“Are you serious?” You can never tell sometimes with him.

“No, I’m Mandy. I just said.” Staring at him, you groan and pull out of his arms, shoving your underwear down your legs and stepping out of them before heading over to the bed. Sitting on the edge you point at him as he tugs off his own jeans and underwear, thick cock bouncing in the air once released.

You eye it for a moment with desire, thighs clenching at the sight of him ready and let out a soft sigh of excitement. He’s an oddjob, but Jimin has yet to fail you in the bedroom. Even if he did have the most ridiculous tastes in kinks and fetishes. And he had the most unbelievably hot body, toned and muscular in all the right places.

“I’m not calling you Mandy. Sweet Delilah, can we just fuck?” The words are sighed from you and you watch exasperatedly as his eyes light up at your words. Walking over to you with that seductive swagger, he stands in front of you and places his hands on his hips, cock waving proudly in the air while a drop of pearlescent pre-cum beads at the tip.

“Oh yeah, call me Delilah baby.” Groaning loudly, you shuffle backwards onto the bed and move onto your knees, reaching between your thighs and rubbing at your aching clit with experienced fingers. He watches for a moment, his eyes focused firmly at the centre of your body as you dip your fingers into your entrance, coating them in your slickness before toying with the excited bundle of nerves.

“I’m not calling you any names.” You glare, moving forward to grab the bottle of lube out of the cupboard. Reaching over, you grab his dick and ever so gently coax him forward before coating him in the clear lubricant.

Leaning forward, you lick along the hard ridge of the underside of his cock, the shaft jerking under your touch and he grunts quietly. Sucking the tip of him into your mouth, you take as much of him as you can in one go before slowly pulling back, hollowing out your cheeks to give him a crazy amount of pressure.

His hand grips at your hair tightly and you can tell he’s into it by the way his hips rock in tiny movements, his desire to go harder warring with his need to not hurt you. Moving off him, you gasp lightly for breath as you admire the string of saliva that drips off the end of his penis, smirking slightly before licking the sensitive skin of his frenulum.

“How about you just fuck me tonight? No weirdness.” You whisper, moving away and getting onto your hands and knees. Lifting the hand you’d lubed him up with, you rub at your needy clit in slow circles, coating yourself in more wetness while exciting him in turn.

His eyes are dark, the deep brown of his irises almost swallowed whole by the blackness of his pupils. A wet, pink tongue flicks out to lick at his plush lips and his decision is made, climbing onto the bed and positioning himself behind you.

“God, you have the tightest fucking ass. You know that? It’s like...like a fucking peach. Like I’m just...fucking a fruit. Not that I’ve ever done that. And if Taehyung ever tells you that I fucked a watermelon, he’s lying. It was a cantaloupe. And it kind of hurt.” He goes off on some weird tangent, somehow still hard despite the way his mind is thinking about distinctly unsexy things.

You’re about to complain at him before he slaps your ass hard, the distinct crack of flesh upon flesh heard before you feel the sting of the pain. Hissing, you bite your lip as a moan leaves you at the sensation and he chuckles.

“Good thing you don’t bruise like a peach though. I don’t like you bruised.” He mutters, stroking at the smarting skin gently. You feel his cock stroke up through your slippery folds, the tip of him rubbing against your clit in a pleasing manner before he’s moving himself upwards, letting the length of his cock rest between your ass cheeks as he thrusts slowly.

“I know you said no weird stuff, but what about if you finger my ass?” Jimin asks suddenly, sliding himself into you in one quick and hard thrust. The breath leaves you instantly as he does so and you choke on a moan, fists clenching the sheets beneath you as he begins to move in short and sharp thrusts.

“I can’t...reach your ass...idiot.” You whisper, each breath ending on a whimpering moan. He lets out a sigh that has absolutely nothing to do with the pleasure he’s feeling and you almost want to reach back and pinch him.

“Damn, it’s not fun when I do it. What about if you let me finger your ass?” He runs his finger along your ass crack as he says this, stroking the area where he’s sliding in and out to coat his finger in slickness before moving it back up to play with the puckered rim of muscle above it.

Rolling your eyes, you nod your head as let yourself fall to your elbows. Jimin lets out a whoop of joy, grabbing the bottle of lube from where you’d dropped it and coating two fingers liberally before letting some dribble down onto your ass.

“Oh baby cakes, we’re going to have some fun. Or I am. Hopefully you will too. If it hurts, tell me.” He says sternly and you know that he’ll stop if you ask. Jimin always does.

His thrusts slow as he wiggles a finger into you, coaxing your tight muscles to relax before he slips inside to the first knuckle. He makes sure to lean round, playing with your clit with his other hand as his hips move in shallow movements, ensuring you get as much pleasure as possible as he slowly works his finger inside.

Once you’re moaning and pushing your hips back against him, he lets out a chuckle and slowly begins to insert a second, stretching the muscles and causing the slightest burning pain. Your breath leaves you in a hiss from between your teeth and you close your eyes, keeping yourself as relaxed as you possibly can.

“That’s it baby girl. Oh...you’re taking daddy’s fingers so well aren’t you? Look at that tight ass, reminds me of that time I fucked Tae-” You jerk your hips backwards in a forcible movement, clenching as tightly as you can around his cock until he’s choking out a breath.

There’s a lot you’ll accept with him, but talking about another man or woman in bed while he’s balls deep in you is not one of them. “Message acknowledged. Don’t talk about other folk when fucking you. Sorry.” He doesn’t even bother to be funny, his cock twitching inside you while his breathing quickens.

The entire time, he’s been stroking at the engorged centre of pleasure between your thighs and you can feel yourself quivering from the combined stimulation of his fingers on your clit, in your ass and the constant pounding of his cock against your g-spot.

“Oh fuck, Jimin.” You whisper, the sound strained as your entire body jerks from the pleasure. He grins even though you can’t see him and murmurs soft encouragements until it’s all too much and he’s got you on the brink of falling over the precipice of pleasure into the pit of orgasm.

“If you want to cum...you know what to call me.” He whispers into your ear, biting at your shoulder seductively before licking along the sensitive flesh. Your mind is almost whiting out and you want to complain at him, but if you do he’ll just stop.

It takes half a lucid moment to remember what he’d said earlier and you groan in annoyance, the tight ball of pleasure in your stomach demanding the release that is so close. “Fuck me, please let me cum…Mandy.” You practically choke on the words.

“Oh sweet dimple crumpets, yes!” He yells out and the effect is immediate with his hips almost pistoning into you, everything suddenly amplified from the movement and the extra sensations cause you to orgasm almost immediately. The muscles in your body tighten and your inner walls convulse around him tightly, the combination of you engaging in his weird kink and your orgasm causing him to judder as he empties himself into you.

By the time you both finish, you lay on the bed tiredly and feel him cuddle up behind you. Muttering out a complaint, you push his hand away and point at the bathroom lazily, causing him to chuckle.

He gets up and walks away, turning round suddenly to blow a kiss to you with his non-lubed up hand. “I love you my sweet, beautiful girlfriend. My pumpkin pie. The love of my life.”

You don’t even bother to respond as he carries on, eyes closing as you doze off slowly.

-

It’s a week later when the highlight of Jimin’s entire life happens. You wish that you could say that it would be the day that you get married, but honestly it would probably still be today. Because today is the day that Jimin met his fantasy person.

You’d both been out in the city, going on a very casual date together when a sudden group of super villains had run riot in the main park. Why they’d chosen that park, and why that day, you had no idea.

But Jimin had made you hide out in a store nearby while he’d run off to go change into his suit. You’d pointed out many times that it was impractical to keep on underneath his clothes, to which he’d whined intensely about it being harder to get into a superhero suit that it was for a rich, white person to get sent to prison.

Either way, he’d gone running past five minutes later in his full outfit, the swords on his back and you’d had a moment to wonder where the fuck he’d kept them. His prison wallet?

It was only when the sound of explosions began ten minutes later that you’d run out of the cafe to the park, the unreasonable panic you’d had at the prospect of your boyfriend being hurt spurring you on.

The logical part of your mind had been telling you that it was fine. Your boyfriend literally had regenerative powers, and he’d discovered that it was nigh on impossible for him to die. But love and all that.

What you’d found however, was Jimin spinning and dancing around in a flurry of astonishingly beautiful kicks and leaps. He’d looked almost elegant, and you’d noted with surprise that he wasn’t actually killing anyone. Instead, he was using the butt of his swords to knock out the bad guys.

A particularly beautiful movement was when he’d ran straight up a tree, leaping off halfway up and twisting his body round as he flew over the head of his assailant. He’d slammed his sword down on the guys head firmly before landing on one foot. In a show of almost sensual flexibility, Jimin had leaned his weight so that he spun on his foot as soon as he landed, producing a hard kick that sent the guy flying ten feet before he lay there, unmoving.

It was only at this point that you realised the fight was over and you’d watched with eyes like plates as a few of the famous Avengers had all come to a stop close to Jimin. The metal suit of Iron Man whirred and clanked as he walked towards Jimin, but it was the red and blue blur that had you feeling giddy on behalf of your boyfriend.

Spider-Man dropped down from the trees, spinning fluidly as he webbed the guy who was down on the ground. Turning around, he let out a yelp as Jimin was suddenly in front of him, reaching forward tentatively.

“Oh my god. Oh my Betty White. Oh sweet Sandra Bullock. It’s you! It’s really you! Can I touch you? Not inappropriately, unless you want that. I’m down for that. My girlfriend knows. You’re my one cheat. You know, that one person you’re allowed to cheat with? You’re mine. She’ll be fine with it.” He mumbles out, his words almost gibberish in his excitement.

The superhero stares at him and even through the mask you can tell that he’s confused. A slow nod is all he does and immediately Jimin is on his knees, hugging the red and blue superheros legs as tightly as he can.

“Ji-What are you doing?” You call out to your boyfriend, watching as everyone suddenly looks up at you. Shrinking slightly, you wince at the intense stares of so many powerful people before moving towards Jimin slowly and carefully, stroking along his arm to let him know you were there.

“You know this guy?” Iron Man asks, his visor opening up and revealing the infamous face of the billionaire tech genius Kim Namjoon. He was beautiful, and beautifully loaded. Maybe you’d change your one cheat to be this guy. Jimin would appreciate the extra money for sure.

Stuttering, your hand moves to Jimin’s head and the feel of his mask confuses you for a moment. Biting your lip, you cough quietly before giving a slow smile to them all. Jimin would kill you if you blew this for him.

“I do. He’s my boyfriend.” At that, you note Hawkeye’s brows raise up in surprise, causing you to scowl. “Don’t look like that Robin Hood. He’s a good guy okay? Odd, but good.” You say defensively, causing him to hold his hands up.

“Oh well...thanks. I guess. We had it under control but...we appreciate your...help.” Doctor Strange states, walking up behind everyone while his red robe flutters dramatically in the non-existent breeze. You watch with fascination as he draws a few symbols that glow orange and crackle in the air before the ground beneath the bad guy nearby opens up, his body vanishing through.

Wow...maybe you might change your one cheat to this guy. He was Hot. With a capital H. Perfectly styled black hair that pushed up off a smooth forehead, a pixie-esque nose and a jawline to rival Jimin’s. Jimin always joked about this guy but...he was hot.

“Can I get between your thighs and you squeeze real hard? It’s always been a fantasy of mine.” Jimin says, his voice almost dreamy as he strokes along Spider-Man’s thigh. You’d be worried that the superhero feels uncomfortable, but he surprisingly doesn’t move away or discourage your boyfriend.

Still, you lean forward and give a slight embarrassed smile. “I’m sorry...if he’s being awkward. If you feel uncomfortable, feel free to push him away. He’ll listen, I swear.” You say.

The superhero shakes his head and gestures to him with a laugh. “No, it’s fine. Amusing actually. It’s a great story that I can tell others I guess. How many other people get Deadpool on his knees?” He teases and you laugh back, rolling your eyes.

“You’d be surprised. Or if you actually knew him, you wouldn’t be surprised at all.” The both of you ignore Jimin’s childlike gasp of wonder as he whispers about the fact Spider-Man knows his name.

Iron Man steps forward and gestures for Spider-Man to step back, which he does slowly and almost reluctantly. You’re half wondering if there’s a real chance that you could lose your boyfriend here, but Jimin surprisingly stands up and moves back, taking hold of your hand without any prompting.

“So...does this mean I can join the Avengers?” Jimin asks bluntly. “I mean...I’m kinda awesome and will probably outlive you all. Except Captain America. And Thor. And a few others. But still. I helped out right?”

Iron Man lets out an awkward chuckle, his lips curving up and revealing a beautiful set of deep dimples. Running his fingers through his hair, he sighs deeply. “I’m sorry, but we can’t let you do that. Despite the fact you’ve sent us like...three hundred postcards asking to be let in. You should stop that by the way, it’s just costing you money.”

Jimin stares in shock at the blunt statement and you run a hand along his biceps to try and calm him down. He barely even notices though and you can tell he’s pouting underneath the mask. "Whaddya mean I can't join the Avengers? Why not?! Is it ‘cos I’m not in the MCU too?" Namjoon looks confused before giving a placating smile and you wince slightly, fully aware that it’s probably just annoying Jimin even more. You don’t know why he’s bothering, the both of you know that there’s no way in hell he’d be allowed to join the Avengers. "Okay like...you're good...impressive. Very impressive The while not dying thing even if you’re cut into pieces? I will concede that is kind of cool and useful. But you kill people. Not cool." Jimin stares blankly at the superhero, before a brow raises slowly. "I'ma just point out your flaw here, RoboCop. How many people do you guys kill on the regular?" "None, that's the point." Hawkeye scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. Your eyes note his incredibly built biceps for a moment and you take in his blonde hair, noting that he’s an extraordinarily beautiful man. Like wow. There’s no way Jimin hasn’t noticed that. But Jimin doesn’t react how you’d expect and instead simply glares at him before pointing. "Firstly, if you're gonna claim non-harmful methods than fucking Katniss Everdeen over here needs a new weapon and to chill with the murder sticks he fires. Secondly...how many buildings have you destroyed in your fights? Or cars? Or bridges? Or literally anything else. You literally have a freaking spy assassin, assassin!” He points over at Black Widow who makes an understanding face and shrugs.

Accepting the acknowledgement, Jimin turns back to the others and shifts his weight onto one leg, his hip sticking out while he rests a hand on it. “I fight mano a mano and I ONLY kill bad guys. No civilians. You guys...are murderers. Mur. Der. Ers." He turns to Spider-Man and takes his hand gently, stroking along the suited man’s hand while whispering. "Not you Spider-Man baby, you're an angel and you've never done anything wrong in your life, my sweet cupcake."

Spider-Man stares at him before slowing nodding, not even bothering to move Jimin’s hand. Which you find mildly amusing. Honestly, if Jimin managed to convince the guy for a threesome then you wouldn’t say no.

“Wait...that’s not...no we don’t. We aren’t.” Namjoon says, his plush lips pouting and you note the endearing dimples appearing. Sighing, he lifts a hand to rub at his eyes and you note the way his suit seems to melt away, leaving only tanned skin behind.

“Just...no. Thank you...for your help. Truly. But...no.” Jimin’s about to complain more but suddenly, the suited man’s visor flips down and the boosters on his hands and feet activate, jettisoning him up into the air.

The rest of the Avengers all follow suit in various ways, leaving Jimin clinging onto Spider-Man’s hand. “Spidey...baby...please don’t leave me. I’ll treat you good. I’ll treat you real good!” He screams as the hero awkwardly waves bye and webs away.

Your boyfriend stands for a moment, hands on both hips as he watches before he’s stamping his feet like a child. “Whatever assholes! Half of you die in the movie anyway.” He grumbles, kicking at the floor petulantly.

Sighing, you move over to him and rub at his back soothingly. “It’s okay baby, it’s okay. You can make your own Avengers. Only...with killing allowed I guess. As long as I’m not there.” Tugging his mask off, he gives you an incredulous look.

“Are you fucking kidding? Did you not watch the second movie? Hell no, I’m not making a team. Mommy didn’t raise no idiot. Someone with low sexual morals? Yes. Someone with a dubious sense of right and wrong? Maybe. An idiot? No.” You lean back from him and your own brows raise, causing him to sigh quietly.

“Not all the time. I don’t want another word about that stupid fucking IKEA bookcase. Why do I have to build things myself? I’m a mercenary, not Jesus!” Rolling your eyes, you walk away from him and head out of the park to go to the cafe and wait while he changes back so you can continue on your date.

He follows like expected, carrying on as if you hadn’t just ignored him and walked straight past him. “Get it? Jesus? ‘Cos he was a carpenter? No? I’ll work on it. What about Harrison Ford? He was a carpenter too, you know!”

“Go find your clothes wherever you threw them Jimin.”

“John Carpenter?”

“That’s his name, not his job.”

“Oh really? Damn. Do you think I can change my name to my job too?”

“I don’t think that’s what he did, and what would that be anyway? Mercenary Jimin?”

“Super Awesome Amazing Mercenary With A Handsome Face and Sharp One Liners Jimin.”

“...seriously?”

“You’re right, it’s not everything I do. Damn. I don’t think my passport can hold this much information.”

“That’s not what I...you know what. Nevermind.”

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 302

Ok I am so fucking glad I watched this episode after a bunch of beers. Because I basically just giggled through most of it and I’m fairly certain that wasn’t the reaction they were going for. Like lol, nothing matters. And lol I did. Literalol.

Basically this episode makes me look back on the rage I felt about Claire’s half of the story last week and just intensifies it. Like yep. We literally got an entire episode that was just about her placating Frank’s #manpain. Nothing centered actually on her and her grief of losing her husband and her son (Hey, remember Fergus? Yeah, show!Claire loved him a lot.) and everything she held dear. No moment to be with Bree, just the two of them, before spending two decades having to lie to her and keep her slightly at a distance. You know, it’s not like Bree was the entire reason Claire even went back through the stones, so Claire definitely shouldn’t get a moment to reflect on the crazy jumble of emotions that come along with finally meeting this baby. Nope, literally everything was about trying to be what Frank wanted her to be and Frank being a selfish idiot and making her feel like she wasn’t trying hard enough. (Fuck you, Frank.)

So now we’re on ep. 2! So I guess it’s time to forget about last week’s rage and move on to laughing about sentient dildos and hats named Wilson! Because if I don’t laugh about it, I’m really not sure how to feel about this episode? I liked it more than the premiere because it didn’t make me ragey but it still feels like we’re just checking off plot points so we can eventually get to the juicy stuff once they’re back together and like dive into that?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Scotland

Oh hey! It’s Red Jamie in the title card! Good thing they’re all plugging #dunbonnet on twitter because the best way to hid your super iconic red hair really is under a brown hat! Glad we established that right off the bat.

Remember though, if the show decides to throw the thing they’ve established as what is supposed to be happening out the window, we’re not supposed to call them out or else they’ll make fun of us in interviews. Because LOL NOTHING MATTERS.

Apparently Romann hit puberty at just the right time lol, because otherwise it’d be *rull* awk pretending like six years had past. But look he’s all tall now and sounds like teenager. A babyfaced teenager, but whatever.

Although listening to Fergus be all macho about killing a redcoat and remembering how fucked up he was telling Claire about it right after it happened makes me want to give him a hug. Like it’s ok that you’re still a little messed up about that, hun.

Also like you’d think that Ian would be more careful about not letting the kiddos see where he was hiding the gun? Because like of course the boys will try to find it?

“I’m here for the dunbonnet. He’s an outlaw that wears a brown hat to cover his distinctive red hair.” “Nope, def no one around here matching this description. There is 100% literally no one around here using a brown hat to cover their distinctive red hair. I guarantee it.”

Maybe a tad too heavy-handed with the whole setting up Fergus for the Scottish redcoats showdown, but whatever. Like he got by on his wits and stuff as a pickpocket but now he’s fine just being like lol fuck you, dude, even though you’re arresting the head of the estate and looking for milord. Anyway…

Oh hey! It’s Jamie! Who is definitely not hiding his distinctive red hair. Because lol nothing matters! It’s not like the redcoats are always around looking for him and arresting Ian.

Hai, Claire. You look much better in this century than the 20th. This little vision didn’t feel as impactful as the one on the battlefield for me though? Idk. I guess I like it? I’m indifferent to it because I’m distracted by the ridiculous hair?

Seriously, I’m sure Sam’s performance in this episode was amazing, but the fucking hair was so distracting and over the top that I feel like I missed out on a lot of what was actually important.

“You scared the bowels out of me! They’ve taken Ian again. So maybe you shouldn’t be coming down in the middle of the day when the redcoats so recently left.” “Sun’s out, Dun’s out.” “What? Did you just…” “Just go with it, Jenny.”

“The dunbonnet, that’s what they’ve taken to calling you now. Soon enough you’ll have ballads sung in your honor.” No no, show. You don’t get brownie points for throwing in a fanservicey line like that, referencing how they find him during this period in the book. Nope. You decided that he wasn’t going to hide his hair, even though apparently he’s known for hiding his hair. So lol nothing matters, he’s just a sad guy who lives in a cave and has an odd attachment to a grubby brown hat. It’s name is Wilson, naturally. No brownie points for you, show.

Jamie and Wilson are the best of friends. Jamie even wears Wilson inside the cave! Some may say their bond is a tad codependent, but they’re really each other’s only friends.

Except sorry, Wilson, but Jamie needs to go into disapproving Da mode. You don’t mind taking a step back do you? No offense, Wilson, but it’s a family thing. No of course you’re family too, Wilson! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you!

“I want to learn to shoot, milord. And if you don’t teach me, I’ll probs just learn by osmosis in the next few minutes anyway because #plot.”

Ok so Fergus in this scene kind of just came off as a moody teenager until he called Jamie a coward. But man, that line. To Fergus, Jamie has given up. Claire’s gone, and Jamie’s living in a cave and it’s like he has lost both of his parents. Jamie called him a son but then left him with Jenny. And I’m sure that Fergus loves Jenny and Jenny loves Fergus, but man. I do not begrudge Fergus some anger aimed at Jamie.

“Sir! Didna ken you were expected today. And oh my, you’re hair! Those long, flowing locks! Where’s Wilson?!” “Red hair, don’t care.” “What, sir?” “Just go with it, Mary.”

I should be feeling things in this episode about Jamie basically hitting rock bottom, except I’m not. Because of that ridiculous hair and the show trying too hard to force a book thing while simultaneously not giving a single fuck about actually making that thing happen. They could have just skipped the whole dunbonnet thing and just had Jamie be a wanted man. But no. They decided to both go all in on the dunbonnet thing while also not going in at all on the dunbonnet thing and I cannot take you seriously even a little bit right now, show. Sorry not sorry. You brought this on yourself with your absurd wig choices.

“See Jamie, it’s cool that you didn’t teach Fergus how to shoot. He already knows how from watching Murtagh!” “Shut up, Wilson, you’re not helping.”

Nice shot, Fergus! It’s totally believable that you hit that bird in one shot having probs never actually fired a gun before! Way more believable than having you just shoot the gun and the bird flying away because you missed.

Although I’m glad they had someone other than Jamie shoot the damn thing. Because it always bugged me that Jamie did it in the book because he should have known better. I mean, Fergus should have known better too, but I guess I find it easier to accept a kid fucking up than a man who knows he’ll probs be killed if he gets caught.

Oh hai, Young Ian! I heart you! Slash we’re totally just forgetting the kids between Young Jamie and Young Ian because everything is so rushed, I guess. Because we had Maggie in ep. 113 and Kitty in ep. 208 and it’s totally cool if we skip the twins because honestly whatever, Jenny and Ian’s kids aren’t really all that important in the grand scheme of things. Except Michael’s apparently important enough that his wife manages to get her very own continuity fuck up in the books. *pounds beer because this is all silly and honestly, who cares*

“How long’s it been since you’ve lain with a woman, Jamie?” “It’s been a long while, I gotta say. You know, I love Claire so much. And you know, she’s the only woman I’ve ever been with. And with Wilson around, it’d get kind of awkward to bring someone back to the mancave. Roommates, amiright? The worst.”

Joking aside, I do really like Jamie in this scene. Like he’s been quiet and brooding and stuff all episode, but this is the first time you can really appreciate just how much he is holding on to his pain and loneliness. Because he doesn’t have Claire, all he has is her memory and the pain he feels because he’s lost her. So he won’t give that up. I feel some feelings.

“I won’t marry. Ever again.” I really think he means that. Like I absolutely believe that in this moment, Jamie never means to ever get married again. I’m still very interested to see how they’re going to play it when he does…

“It’s god’s sorrow you never had the chance to bring a child into this world.” Gah, Jenny, way to inadvertently sack-whack your brother in the feels.

I really don’t like Jenny in this episode, guys. Like she’s pulling a Frank and making it all about what she thinks Jamie should be doing rather than what Jamie needs. Don’t be like Frank, Jenny. Frank is the worst. This show doesn’t need two Franks.

Slash I like that Jamie hasn’t told Jenny about Faith or Bree though? Because she def wouldn’t be saying this shit if she knew, I hope… But it shows just how closely he’s keeping those memories? They’re too precious to share with anyone because they’re all he has left of his children?

“I just want you to have some happiness.” Oh Jenny, you mean well, but you’re not helping here. Please just stop talking.

I get that there aren’t really any good hiding spots on that hallway, but that is a really shitty hiding spot.

And I get that they have to get across how dangerous the redcoats are and how fucked up this period in Scotland is, but these guys going out to look for the body of a dead baby is a bit over the top. But at least they didn’t have Young Jamie in the room for this like he was in the book? Because I’m all for not unnecessarily traumatizing a child. Good job, show.

I love Mary MacNab. Like she just goes in there and is like yep, it’s my gun, here it is, here’s my story. And has no clue how it’s going to play out but it’s a risk she’s willing to take and you have balls of steel, Mary MacNab. I’m glad they gave her actual stuff to do in the episode besides just what happens at the end. Guys, I just really love Mary MacNab and I ship her with happiness so fucking hard.

Oh, so Mary’s no threat, but better go look for the dead baby of the woman who has clearly just given birth. Ok, rando English douchebag.

Slash you really couldn’t wait an extra two seconds to move, Jamie? Really? For a dude who has been hiding in a cave for six years, you kind of suck at hiding. But then again, Wilson could have told me that.

“Take a shovel. Dig a grave in the cemetery in case they look. Maybe take Wilson with you, since the redcoats literally just left and are probably still around. You should maybe try tucking your hair up to hide it this time too. You know, to at least *try* to disguise yourself.” “I can’t, Jenny. My hair, it won’t all fit.” “Well, you see there are these things called scissors…” “Enough, Jenny. You’ve said enough.”

Ok Ian coming back and being like “it’s been a lovely visit, gentlemen” kind of kills me. Because like obviously these repeat stints in jail are taking their toll (seriously, that wig, and also the disease that will eventually kill him). But like Rupert, he’s going to keep his dignity. Because it’s literally the only thing he has left.

It’s definitely in character for the Fergus in this episode that he’d get caught because he’s being impulsive and reckless, leading the soldiers around. But I’m still not sure how I feel about this Fergus? I guess I can get why he’s like this? Like after six years of living like this and Jamie’s off camping with Wilson and Claire’s gone and Ian keeps getting taken away? Yeah, I guess I understand this Fergus? Maybe?

Ok but when Fergus points at himself when he says the Scottish redcoats are betraying their own people. Just kill me with feels, Fergus. The Scots *are* your people, lil buddy. I have feelings.

“Dinna be feart. Fergus, laddie. I watched milady do this many times.” OMG JAMIE USING CLAIRE TO BOTH SAVE HIM AND COMFORT HIM. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS RIGHT NOW.

Did we really have to pan over to the hand? No. But it’s this show so of course they panned over to the hand.

And Jamie def had a dead rabbit when he ran down to save Fergus and now I’m annoyed that I’m noticing these damn rabbits and birds and shit. Like I doubt whatever payoff is coming from them is going to be worth being taken out of the moment whenever one is on screen.

But Jamie collapsing here and finally hitting rock bottom is where I actually started taking this episode seriously. Because Fergus could have died. And Jamie was powerless to help him. And the redcoats threatened Jenny. And Jamie was powerless to help her. And Ian keeps getting taken away. And Jamie was powerless to help him. Jamie loves his family and would do anything for them. It’s like one of his defining traits. And he’s lost the family who matter most to him, and his mere existence near the family he has left is now what’s putting them in danger and he literally cannot stand it anymore and it breaks him and why is my face wet.

In an episode that keeps just rushing from one thing to the next, I’m glad that they let this scene with Fergus and Jamie slow down and breathe a little. “You remind me I have something to fight for.” Gah, Da!Jamie hits me where I’m weak. And Fergus keeping on his brave face and making jokes about whisky and wine. This poor kid, I want to hug him.

Ok but when Jamie says “you can trust me to keep that bargain” he’s like basically saying goodbye to Fergus, right? Because he pretty much knows he’s going to give himself up, right? Because that’s the best way he can take care of his family because they’re all that matters to him and after wanting to die so badly and then spending six years not dying, if he dies now and it keeps them safe then it’s still as worth it to Jamie as if he had died at Culloden? This scene makes me feel things, guys.

I love this scene with Ian too. So fucking much. “Feeling a pain in a part of ye that’s lost…and that’s just a hand. Claire was yer heart.” Gah, Ian. Right in the feels. He’s so much better at this than Jenny.

I’m really, really glad they made it so Jenny was the person who turns in Jamie rather than some rando. And Ian with the fun fact about not hanging them anymore. I do think Jamie was ready to die though.

“Jamie, have ye not seen the inside of enough prisons for one lifetime?” “Little difference to the prison I live in now.” And he’s not talking about the cave, Jenny. I love how Ian *gets* it. Jenny? I’m torn with how much she gets it and just doesn’t want to accept it vs. how much she just has a different outlook on things… But all things considered, I really do not like her in this episode and I really don’t like how she just pulls a Frank at every turn. It’s not about you, Jenny. It’s about Jamie. This is the best choice there is so just fucking support him in his decision.

Ok I love that Mary makes him look (and feel) like a person again and I like that he recognizes and respects what she did with the redcoats. Like the bit of respect between them makes a scene I already love even better.

But for real, I know I’ve been silly about the ridic hair, but the hair was ridic and now that it’s gone you can finally see all the emotion on Jamie’s face and it makes me sad that this was pretty much hidden for the rest of the episode by that terrible wig.

The actual scene with Mary is basically exactly like how it was in the book but omg it’s awkward and sweet and perfect and I love it so fucking much.

“You can look at me if you’d like.” “Ye’re a bonnie lass. It’s just something I always do.” No, Mary, he can’t look at you. Because they needed that parallel with Claire. But what they inadvertently also did was have him tell you that he keeps his eyes closed while he jacks off in the cave. Wilson keeps his eyes closed too.

Ok so obvi Jamie and Jenny are acting until she gets to “Ye gave me no choice, brother! And I’ll never forgive you.” I think she really means that in the moment. And seriously, Jenny? I get that you have issues with Jamie’s choice, but there’s a chance you’re never going to see him again and you have to send him off knowing that? I’m so over Jenny in this episode. Especially compared to Ian, she’s just not working for me.

Ending on Scotland the Brave playing over Jamie’s face as he’s being carted away is a tad on the nose, show.

Boston

So glad they’re showing Claire masturbating. She’s a sexual person, and after basically completely losing her agency last week, it’s nice to see her taking care of herself and that that part of her is still there.

Also is it bad that I kind of wish Frank heard her? Like after all of his “but what about meeee” bullshit last week and what Claire needed being completely disregarded, I kind of wish he could hear her not needing him while not thinking about him. Fuck you, Frank.

Also you can def see Sam’s fingers between his legs as he grabs his junk before he squats down and I can’t stop lol’ing over it.

So Bree has a toy bunny? Because Jamie’s thing is a bunny this season? Or whatever? Idk, who cares. I feel like the show wants me to have feelings about this, but I don’t.

Oh look, Claire’s still reading the Globe despite Dean Ubermisogynist’s opinions. Because of course she is. Because why the fuck wouldn’t you keep reading the damn paper. Dean Ubermisogynist means nothing. But you’re trying way too hard to be cute with the story being about Ireland, show.

Ok but her face there with Frank is like, “Hmm, I don’t want *you*, but you have a penis. And one of those could come in handy when my fingers get tired.”

Ok but I literally started lol’ing just at the shot of her staring at Frank. Like hi, “I miss my husband.” No, not you. Jamie. I miss Jamie. You know, my husband who I love and fantasize about while you sleep and will never get over no matter how much of a dick to me you are about him? You’re basically a sentient dildo. Now just lay there while I get off thinking of a glorious ginger. I’m on top. Obviously.

It reminds me of the pilot. “When the war ended, we both thought things would return to the way they once were, but they hadn’t. … Sex was our bridge back to one another. The one place where we always met. Whatever obstacles presented themselves during the day or night, we could seek out and find each other again in bed. As long as we had that, I had faith everything would work out.” So yeah, five years apart during a war and things were not getting back to how they used to be. So clearly after three additional years during which Claire fell in love with someone else and had their kid, it’s totally a good idea to stay together… Right. *eye roll* Anywho… The main point of bringing that line up is that sorry, Frank, but the magic sex bridge was demolished. You see, Wilson needed the parts to help maintain his structural integrity while hiding all that luscious, ginger hair. Oh wait, what? Wilson isn’t hiding anything? Oh right. THE SEX BRIDGE PROBS NEVER WOULD HAVE WORKED EVEN IF CLAIRE DIDN’T GO THROUGH THE STONES BECAUSE SEX DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT FRANK WANTED AN ACCESSORY, NOT AN EQUAL. AND IT SURE AS SHIT ISN’T WORKING NOW BECAUSE CLAIRE DOESN’T LOVE YOU, FRANK, AND SHE WAS STRAIGHT WITH YOU FROM THE JUMP AND YOU JUST COULDN’T FUCKING ACCEPT THAT. SO YOU WANTED PHYSICAL CONTACT? THIS IS THE PHYSICAL CONTACT YOU GET. Good on you, Claire, for taking what you need, how you need it, on your terms.

For real though, after two seasons of Frank being a fucking piece of shit and reducing what Jamie and Claire had to just fucking, it’s nice to see him *actually* getting just fucking. Like you serve no real purpose here, Frank. She just needs your dick to hold still for a few minutes while she does her thing and then you can go.

Oh we’re doing this again? I mean, ok. You do you, Claire.

“Claire, look at me. Claire, open your eyes.” “I’m sorry, what part of sentient dildo did you not understand? Why have you stopped?” “Y-you–you never used to close your eyes when we made love.” “It doesn’t mean anything. Just that I don’t love you and I’m literally just using you for your penis because I like sex a lot, just not with you but you’re what I have so kindly shut up and let me finish. Seriously. ‘Sentient. Dildo.’ I don’t know how much clearer I can make your role here.”

“I’m enjoying this.” “Are you?” “Of course. But less and less by the moment. You really can’t just take the win, can you. You’re getting laid. Yes, it’s because I wanted to fantasize about someone else, but really you were a literal beggar so now you can’t be a chooser.” “Then why can’t you look at me?” “Christ, Frank, why the fuck do you think? If you’re not in the mood, you just had to say and I’ll gladly go upstairs and take care of business myself. Geez, you are useless.”

I am *so here* for her reducing Frank to what he keeps accusing Jamie of being to her. Fuck you, Frank.

“When I’m with you, I’m with you. But you’re with him.” No shit, Frank, and she hasn’t made a secret of the fact that she loves him more than you. I still have a very hard time accepting that she stayed with your sorry ass. But you know that ultimatum from last week? Well it works both ways. If you don’t want to be a human sex toy, fucking leave. But it’s all good. She’ll have purpose in her life again soon and won’t have to bother you. And then you’ll die. And we can be one step closer to the good stuff.

Ok so I love that the line from the book about loving Jamie and being part of something more was included, and it definitely works to be like oh look, Claire’s gonna do something meaningful for her damn self. And I’m actually glad that we just jumped right to med school? Instead of like having a fight with Frank about it? Because fuck Frank? Who gives a flying fuck about Frank or his opinions? This is Claire’s life and her choice and fuck yeah, Claire, go be a surgeon.

HAI JOE, CLAIRE REALLY NEEDS A FRIEND. YOU TWO SHOULD BE FRIENDS AND I CAN’T WAIT TO WATCH YOU BE FRIENDS. YAY FOR FRIENDS WHO RESPECT EACH OTHER AS EQUALS.

Idgaf about Bree’s bunny being wedged behind the bed. Why did I have to read the thing about birds and bunnies…

YAAAS separate beds. Sorry, Frank. Since you were so opposed to your sentient dildo duties, Claire went off and found her true purpose in life and now she doesn’t need you at all. Her little smile right before she rolls away from him is my everything. Bye, Felicia.

And yes, I did try to use the words “sentient dildo” as many times as possible in this dumpster fire of a recap. Sorry not sorry. #SentientDildo

I’m gonna go ahead and take Claire giving the piper money as a bit of a fuck you to Frank and her entire existence back in the 20th century up until this point. Plus a fuck yeah she’s going to go to med school. And fuck yeah she’s going to reach her full potential in the profession she was born for. And fuck yeah she doesn’t need Frank and she’s done playing his bullshit mindgames. And fuck yeah she’ll take a minute and remember Scotland and everything it means to her any damn time she pleases.

This still doesn’t make up for the rage I felt about how she was treated last week. Jamie got two episodes about him processing his grief and loss on his own terms and Claire definitely got shortchanged. Le sigh. Whatever.

[thedodgeballneutralzone-blog]

You Win Some, You Close Some

By Nate Kreiter

(Editors Note: While in the crowd at the 2015 WDBF World Championships in Las Vegas I saw two of the greatest closeouts I’d ever witnessed. As all of us sometimes find ourselves outnumbered in closing situations I asked Nate if he would write a rundown of those games while sharing his in-game thought process, and I really appreciate him for obliging. When that last game finished with a kill followed by a double catch (a 5 point body count swing in 3 seconds for anyone keeping track) that gymnasium was absolutely electrified and I am excited to relive those moments both through written word and the accompanying video. A huge thank you to Dodgeball Ottawa both for filming and for allowing us to share their footage. I hope you enjoy this entry and that you will reach out to submit your own articles/videos to The Neutral Zone as this is a space by dodgeballers for dodgeballers. - DT)

I'm a confident player, that's never been something I've ever tried to shy away from. I believe the mental aspect of the game is as important, if not more so, than the physical aspect of it. No matter the odds we're facing, if I'm ever needed to close a game for my team I feel like I have the edge over any opponent I’m matched up with. If you ask any of the top players in the game, and more specifically the top closers, they'll tell you the same thing and if they don't they probably aren't one of the best.

I'm going to tell you about the best close in my career, well 2 of them, but they were during the same match and just a few minutes apart.

It was the 2015 WDBF World Championships in Las Vegas. USA was a strong team but we were about to go up against the two-time defending World Champions in team Canada. The previous year in Hong Kong they had beaten up the 2014 USA team pretty badly in the championship match. In 2015 we had a retooled roster and by most estimates a stronger USA team but Canada had also strengthened their squad. We faced off in the last round robin match of the first day in what many people believed to be a preview of the championship match.

The first two games were extremely competitive and we split the wins 1 each. The third game started and it seemed like just when I began to settle into the rhythm of the game...I looked around and found myself all alone out there with all 6 members of the Canadian team still in the game and bearing down on me.

Watching the play back weeks later I saw how it went wrong for USA in that game so quickly. A quick hit off the rush, followed by Canada grabbing a ricochet catch off of our counter throw, a nice face shot, a second ricochet catch off of a backline counter, and then a multi throw to take out my last remaining teammate...and all in the matter of seconds.

I had a choice to make right then and there. Do I take a risk and attempt a catch to bring in some help and hopefully make it 2 versus 5 or do I sit back and protect myself with a blocking ball and trust in my arm to make this happen?

The main issue with the 2nd option is that these are timed matches and if I waste 5 to 7 minutes and then lose the game anyway, I'm putting my team at a significant disadvantage as we’d need to win more games within a smaller window of time.

It wasn’t an easy choice to make so I’ll break down my thought process:

(1:09)

I looked around and saw that I had a majority of the balls and one of their guys was up front at the line in a risky position so I figured I'd try to get him out and then reassess the situation from there. I took a shot and missed but he didn't back up at all and ended up on his knees so I took a second shot and managed to brush his back as he attempted a throw from the ground. Ok, now we have a 1v5.

I could see they were very confident in their numbers and talent on the floor, as they should have been, so I made sure to remain calm. You can sometimes dictate an opponents offense by posturing, pump faking, and keeping them on their toes by throwing at them when you have multiple balls, so using those tools I started looking to try to force them into solo throws to make it easier for me to survive or even potentially make a catch.

(2:00)

After a couple of solo shots are traded back and forth I make a throw on their back corner that fortunately was accurate enough to hit his front foot. I took the shot at the foot because it was a low risk high reward throw. He had a ball in his hand so going low avoids a ricochet or a drop catch. Worst case I miss low and fall back. And I was free to take that shot without repercussion from the other corner because he wasn’t in an attack position so I knew he wasn’t coming at me.

Now we have a 1v4 and the game seems a lot more manageable. My back was definitely still against the wall but now I've hit two of their players while they’ve been unable to take me out yet. My confidence was slowly rising while theirs seemed to be wavering ever so slightly. They were doing a great job of holding the line and keeping me back on my heels but I've been there for a while now and so I’ve grown strangely comfortable with it.

(2:23)

They do a great job of trying to make me pay for throwing up at the line by spreading out and charging me from the weak side after I make a throw. I made a choice to dodge low and fortunately for me they threw high. I did my best to force them into a couple more solo throws.

Being patient and trying to dictate the other teams tempo is so important. If you get antsy and make even one little mistake because you rushed, the game ends and all that work you put in is for nothing. You want them to make the mistake and then make them pay for it.

(3:35)

They spaced out across the floor in order to put a multi throw on me but I got off a quick counter and managed to hit the left side player on the foot while avoiding the right side salvo.

It’s 1v3 now and at this point I’m beginning to feel like the game is mine.

(3:49)

A solo thrower attacks from the left side and is slow on the back peddle as I look to counter, very likely attempting to bait a catch from me, but I tried to place the throw a bit outside of his body and he was unable to pull in the catch.

When you are facing an exceptional catcher you know they are looking for the catch, so you want to try to get them to commit to making a difficult play by putting the ball close enough to be tempting but outside enough to make it hard on them. Fortunately he was unable to make the play that time.

Now it’s down to 1v2 and they’re really locked in on working together and are putting together some great multi throws forcing me to block and dodge simultaneously.

(4:35)

I throw a quick counter during a multi throw and the left corner blocks my throw into his foot as I turn and manage block the right corners throw.

Now it was 1v1 and I knew no matter who I was up against right then it was my game. Momentum plays an enormous role in every sport and Dodgeball is no different. The energy of the crowd and the teams had really shifted and I could feel that energy push from them and knew there was no way we were going to lose this game now.

(5:27)

After a few back and forth throws I charged the line and his foot went over the back line on the retreat and the game was ours.

----

Four games later and I’m facing a 1v5 all over again. Team Canada had once again made some great plays to put us in a difficult situation and it felt like deja-vu. It wasn’t at all a surprise that they played so well together. They were the defending champs, they played calm and smart and they had all around talent top to bottom on that team. They were always a rough matchup for anyone and even though I was always felt confidence in our team versus theirs it was never a surprise if they beat us. However now I’d already faced down a 1v6 and the lingering momentum from that match helped me feel extra ready for the challenge at hand.

(9:13 and 9:27).

To save you from another long winded explanation I’ll just say I made a couple accurate throws to hit 2 of their players.

(10:33)

The game ended in a flurry as all 3 players charged the line but I hit the middle player in the leg with a quick counter in the midst of their charge and then caught the two remaining players moments apart. I’d love to say those two catches were on purpose but the truth is that throughout those two games that was the one moment that was unplanned for.

In sports luck is sometimes a factor. But what I’ve learned over the years about lucky plays and fortunate bounces is that the more prepared you are for every situation you could be faced with, the more likely you are to place yourself in the best position for those plays to work out in your favor, and fortunately for me and my team that play went in our favor.

A lot of closing is in your mentality. If you’re still in the game, it's never over. Whenever the odds are against you the other team is more likely to play loose because they think they’ve already won. Use that to you advantage!

No matter the odds you’re facing, who you’re playing against, or what’s on the line, stay calm, asses the situation, BE PATIENT...and close it.

-Nate is a 5 time UDC National Champion (Doom), 5 time Elite National Champion (Doom: 2 in Open, 1 in Coed 8.5, 1 in No Sting, and 1 in Pinch division), WDBF Silver and Gold medalist (USA), and when not playing dodgeball is a fashion designer and the creator of N8. Find his clothes at ShopN8.com