#anyways this slam-dunked itself into my brain

[cherryflavored]

You and him are the last. You’re both special-made units, built to fight alongside each other as much as you fight against each other.

You two roam the wastes, as the last. Finding barest hints of life in soil long dead. Collecting bones is a habit for you, by now. Your adversary scolds you for gathering extra weight. You two shelter in the refuse of your manufacturing plants. The corpses of your comrades are here, bits and pieces of those who share your face, but are not you. It reminds you of the corpses gathered in your bags, shards of beings long forgotten. You endeavor to remember your comrades. You tell your adversary this, and wait for him to laugh. He never does.

***

You two come across your eventuality. It bears down on you in the form of a mechanical monstrosity Unsurprising, as it was what you and your companion were built to kill. It’s a spindly creature, a patchwork beast made to cannibalize other machines. The thing resembles a scorpion, you think, though you’ve never seen one in person. It strikes at your companion first. His black armor is too strong for the monstrosity’s stinger.

You aren’t so lucky. Models like you are designed for speed over staying power. So as you float with your levmag, it’s little work for the beast to smash you to the ground. The impact echoes in your sensors. It’s soon replaced with the piercing scream of the monstrosity.

You feel your companion’s hands lift you up, heave your body on his back. He carries you back to the tiny repair plant you holed up in for the last few days.

***

There’s no way to fix your legs. You’re unsurprised. Your partner is crushed.

He curls around you, mournful and apologetic. He cries the only way you two can: shuddering and rocking. He pets your hair and stares at you, like he’s trying to memorize your face. You can accept your mortality, but you can’t stand the desperation on your partners face.

So instead, you make plans with him. Optimistic blueprints full of potential heredity. Your advanced sensors, his lock-on tracking. Your levmag and cooling systems, his suspension and repair systems. Your slim frame, his bulky armor. Your circuitry, his motherboard. Your face, his eyes. You compromise on the hair, settling for a lavender shade neither you nor him possess.

***

He starts to go first. You’re surprised: it’s a slow decline, rather a sudden drop. He won’t tell you what’s killing him, what might kill you. He busies himself with other work: tidying the space, fixing the repair machines, doting on you. But you can see it in his body, the way he falls apart.

Entwined in the night, he finally brings it up. A systematic failure, where his battery corrodes and spills acid through his skeleton. You both joke about a leaky heart. You both know that once he is gone, you will be too.

Early in the morning, you finally ask him. You ask him if he’d be willing to merge with you. Take your broken body and combine it with his dissolving one. You each have the flesh to fix one another, but not enough for both.

***

It takes weeks to repurpose the repair equipment. It takes a toll on both of you.

***

One more night together before you’re both ready. That morning, you take his hand. He straps you in to the bay, tenderly maneuvering your legs. He straps himself in, as you blow him kisses from your tomb The lids slide shut. You bask in your last moments. It’s warm, you think. It feels like the night, wrapped around each other in your bed.

The last step is this: you both lay down in the repair bays and sacrifice your cortex chips, your personality and cognition. The overseeing computer takes your personality values, pairs them, and combines them. Like water and oil, like shuffling cards. Like meiosis. You hope your ill-fated child gets your optimism. Their other father hopes they gain his “realistic outlook.” You both wish the child retains the other’s compassion and care.

***

You are you, when you wake, but you are also the not-yous. You are you, a boy (?) with lilac hair and no memories. You are also the not-yous, from which your body came piecemeal off their carcasses. You wake up alone, sleep-warm and bleary. You aren’t sure where came from, or where to go. All you know is the bed, and a faint feeling of being hugged from either side.

You stumble upon the unrecognizable corpses of (what you think are) your fathers. You don’t know why, but you start crying, laughing, coughing. It feels like your first breath.

(In the recesses of your mind, you think you can hear cheering. The not-yous explode in celebration.)

[metalandmagi]

Underrated Sports Anime Recommendations!

In honor of the summer Olympics, I wanted to make a rec list for some underappreciated sports anime. Obviously we all know the popular stuff: Blue Lock, Kuroko, Hajime no Ippo, Ace of Diamond, Slam Dunk, Haikyuu, Free, Yuri On Ice, Yowamushi Pedal, Skate the Infinity etc. But there are lots of great sports anime out there that go completely unnoticed. And who knows, you might find a new sport to get into. Just FYI, these are all on the newer side, since most of the older sports anime I’ve seen are the popular ones.

I think a big reason that a lot of these have largely gone ignored is because they focus more on interpersonal drama between characters and what is going on in their home lives, as opposed to a bigger focus on the technicalities of the sport itself. Food for thought. Anyway, let's get started:

Stars Align (Hoshiai no Sora): Stars Align is about a boys high school soft tennis team (not to be confused with regular tennis) who are constantly getting out performed by their girls team. Desperate to get people to take the boys team seriously and get results, team captain Touma tries to get a new transfer student Maki Katsuragi to join. Maki eventually agrees ... .on the condition that Touma pays him and covers any club expenses. From there we discover the messy family drama going on in each boy’s life, and I just love all of them okay? They’re my precious angel babies, and sure I had some problems with the show’s pacing at the end, but I still love them and I want another season!!!! 😭

Oblivion Battery (Boukyaku Battery): There are a myriad of baseball animes out there, but this one made an impression on me. Catcher Kaname Kei and pitcher Kiyomine Haruka are a badass, ace duo who dominated the field and made a fearsome reputation for themselves all throughout middle school. They seemed to be completely unstoppable…until Kaname (the brains behind the operation) lost his memory, became a total goofball, and the two ended up going to a no name high school with no real baseball team. So of course, we end up getting a rag-tag team together full of ex-baseball players with dramatic backstories who all help train Kaname up again. I love Kaname and Haru’s friendship, and the cast was very well rounded, each with their own interesting attributes to add to the team.

Re: Main: If I had a nickel for every sports anime where the main character used to be an unstoppable badass until he lost his memory, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice. Yeah, it’s exactly the same as Oblivion Battery, but with water polo and the main character isn’t as much of a goofball. I liked the characters, but I wished we focused a little more on the water polo side of things, since it’s not exactly a dime a dozen sport for an anime.

Mou Ippon: A girls high school judo anime from 2023 that nobody fucking watched! When former judo enthusiast Michi Sonoda enters high school, she wants to put judo behind her so she can focus on finding a boyfriend and enjoying her school life. However, after Michi suffers a particularly humiliating defeat in a match against her the prodigy Towa Hiura, the two end up going to the same high school together. Naturally, Michi can’t just quit now that her rival is going to the same school! Cue the judo team shenanigans. This show is so down to earth and realistic. It’s 100% not a “cute girls doing cute things” anime where the girls are all blobs of moe that talk in annoying voices. They have different body types, different motivations, and different styles of combat. It didn’t blow me out of the water, but I liked it way more than I thought I would.

And speaking of different body types…

Hinomaru Sumo: That’s right, it’s a high school sumo wrestling anime. AND IT’S HYPE AS FUCK! You know how in Haikyuu, Hinata is short, and it’s a big deal because middle blockers are always tall? Well this is that multiplied by a thousand, because there’s a minimum weight to sumo wrestling, and our main character Hinomaru Ushio is definitely below it. But he’s not going to let that stop him from spreading his passion for sumo and becoming the High School Yokozuna, the strongest wrestler in high school tournaments…because becoming the Yokozuna is his only chance at going pro with his small stature. It’s impossible to watch this anime without feeling fired up!

Run With The Wind (Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru): Kakeru Kurahara, a former track star, is looking for a place to live after losing his apartment deposit at a mahjong parlor. Luckily, he runs into Haiji Kiyose, a boy who goes to his university, who offers him a spot at his apartment. Little does Kakeru know, Haiji’s apartment is full of other university students who are all members of the Kansei University track team! The story follows the quietly devious Haiji as he tries to get the boys to become a nationally recognized team by running the Hakone Ekiden, an extremely long and grueling relay that none of the boys have ever trained for. This is one of my favorite sports anime ever. Don’t get it twisted, I hate running. I don’t like doing it, and I don’t like watching it in real life, but this anime had me in a chokehold. Animation? Amazing. Characters? A+. Music? Perfect. It’s hilarious. It’s relatable. It’s heartwarming. One of the absolute best sports anime out there.

Welcome To The Ballroom: It’s a motherfucking ballroom dancing anime, and if you didn’t think ballroom dancing could be hype as shit, THINK AGAIN! The animation is great, and I never realized how much actually goes into the world of ballroom dancing. There’s not really much more I can say. High school boy discovers the cutthroat world of competitive ballroom dance. Drama ensues. Just ignore everyone’s oddly long necks.

And speaking of dancing…

Dance Dance Danseur: Okay, this one isn’t quite in a sports competition setting, but I still consider it a sports anime. All his life, Junpei Murao has suppressed his interest in ballet, choosing to follow his father’s path for him in the more “manly” martial art of Jeet Kune Do instead. But when he realizes the girl he likes is a highly skilled ballerina, he hardly says no when she recruits him to train at her mom’s ballet studio. The show follows Junpei as he must balance these two worlds and become a ballet master while dealing with the divisive image of “masculinity.” My only real critique is that Junpei is kind of annoying, and I was actually much more invested in the other characters. There is a big message about the horrors of the competitive ballet world that I didn't think it would dive into.

Overtake: Another show from 2023 that was terribly overlooked. In this anime, we follow disgraced photographer Kouya Madoka, who falls in love with the fast paced world of Formula 4 racing after watching high schooler Asahina Haruka. However, Madoka failed to realize that Haruka’s racing crew, Komaki Motors, is drowning in bills and underfunded as hell. So of course when he finds out, Madoka takes it upon himself to support Komaki Motors himself and get Haruka a place on the podium. This was such a great drama! Each character is so fleshed out and completely relatable. Even the antagonists! Hell, especially the antagonists. There is a great balance of drama and humor that make this feel like it could easily be a Hollywood movie. The longer you watch, the more you root for Komaki Motors and want to see everyone succeed. Madoka is best boy!

And last but certainly not least…

Tsurune: In this anime, we follow Minato Narumiya, a former kyudo (Japanese martial art that involves archery) prodigy who wanted to quit the sport after an incident in a middle school tournament. However, after encountering a mysterious archer one day, Minato ends up joining his high school Kyudo team, despite his fear of failing at the sport again. It’s Free with archery, except there are also girls on the team! It has so many good themes about perseverance and found family and getting in your own head. And there is a massive amount of homosexual undertones. Not to mention it’s made by Kyoto Animation, so you know it’s one of the most beautifully animated shows I’ve ever seen.

I just wanted to add a few honorable mentions too…

Cheer Danshi: A university boys cheerleading anime. I had problems with the pacing, but I still had fun with it.

Ryman’s Club: An odd blend of office anime with a badminton anime. I really liked this, but it’s sort of half sports anime, half The Office. But it’s the only thing on this list that features actual working adults and not students.

Megalo Box: I don’t know if it counts as “underappreciated” but this was a fantastic show all around. It’s a gritty, down to earth, sort of sci-fi take on the fictional sport of Megalo Boxing (boxing with enhanced mechanical arms). 

Ping Pong the Animation: Look, I’m going to be honest. I didn’t really like this show very much, but apparently I’m the odd one out because this is an underground favorite of the sports anime community, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t include it. It’s one part ping pong, two parts character drama.

Birdie Wing: Golf Girls’ Story: I couldn’t leave this out of the list. It’s the wildest golf anime you could ever imagine. There are lesbians. There are snake ladies. There are underground golfing yakuza. No amount of explanation can do it justice. Grab an age appropriate beverage and watch it.

[clarenecessities]

As my followers may have picked up from my long, spiraling rants, I’ve undertaken a new research project, courtesy of the death grip She-Ra has on my brain. And guess what? It’s finally at Disseminate Information Stage! So I’m going to lay out all of the gods, demigods, and godbeasts of the Masters of the Universe. With sources!

This table is more of a cheat sheet. We’re gonna tackle this god by god, with a section on Actual Lore & a meta section to help you decide how valid you think they are, because frankly some canons are more canon than others.

Asklepia, Benevolent Snake Goddess

Lore: Asklepia is one of two snake goddesses, the benevolent twin sister of Serpentia. We know very little about her abilities, but the Snake Clan (a clan of human warriors) were said to worship her, and they were famed for their architecture and healing. She had the ability to curse and deform people--to what extent is uncertain, but she’s known to have condemned a fallen priest named Ka, whose disfigured likeness now adorns Snake Mountain.

Behind the Scenes: First appearing in the 1987 comic “Il Nero Cristallo Del Potere“, Asklepia remained nameless for over 30 years, until Masters of the Universe Classics (MOTUC) released a few choice bios. For the unfamiliar, MOTUC seeks to reconcile the often contradictory canons into one overarching narrative, which is great in theory, but in practice is kind of like putting ice cream on a hot dog. And calling it a Chilly Dog ® as if that makes it taste better. But I digress. In 2019 they released a bio for the Staff of Ka which finally put a name to the less-evil Snake Goddess, in an obvious nod to Asclepius and the asklepian (that staff+snake icon people put on medical stuff).

Sharella, the Green Goddess and/or “Avatar” of Asklepia

Lore: Contradictory

Long Version: Okay I’ve put avatar in quotes because it is... contentious. Basically, and you’ll see here why I felt the need to make this post instead of relying blindly on the wikis, Sharella was introduced (in the ‘87 licensing guide) as a tribal leader who had joint custody of Gray, the original name of He-Ro’s alter ego, while he was growing up. This was further developed by Emiliano Santalucia’s concept work, wherein she was the leader of the Green Tiger Tribe (GTT) specifically. While the comic concept was not run through licensing & is thus not “canon”, the idea of her leading the GTT persisted. This teeny tiny image of her from Tytus and Megator’s 1987 Italian box art was all we had until 2008, when one of He-Man’s accessories described her as the “warrior woman ally” of Queen Veena, “who had been changed into the immortal green-skinned avatar of the Goddess Asklepia”. In 2009, MOTUC released a figure for The Goddess, apparently forgetting they’d done that shit the year before because the packaging did say “K’yrulla” was her real name. They had to cover it up with a sticker. 

So who’s The Goddess? Way back in the days before Mattel solidified any of the lore around MOTU, there were mini-comics released with the toys. Initially, the Goddess served a similar function to the Sorceress in the cartoon, and was in fact sometimes called the Sorceress. She facilitated He-Man’s transformations, gave him missions, was generally magical and mysterious, etc. If you know who the Sorceress is, and you can picture Teela, but green? That’s about it.

Back to Sharella, though. The Third Ultimate Battleground rolled around in 2015, and for the first time since some packaging in the 80s, we saw Sharella in action! She was shot through the heart with a poison arrow. Yeah. But don’t worry, she received a blood transfusion from Moss Man (who we’ll get to later), and was transformed into the Green Goddess! She’s immortal now. How Asklepia figures in here is sort of unclear, which is weird since this is still part of the MOTUC line, but whatever. Whatever! Queen Grayskull (the aforementioned Veena) received a bio in 2015 as well, which described Sharella as her apprentice who became “The Goddess”.

Horokoth, Aspect of the Mother Goddess

Lore: DC went a little batshit (pun intended) with the lore for the Eternity War. Here the Goddess is three combined aspects, “Serpos” (Serpentia) for the Snake Men, Zoar for the human “Eternians”, and a third, invented deity called Horokoth, who represents the Horde. Horokoth is “the coming destroyer. The darkness at the end of days.” and is represented by a bat.

Behind the Scenes: That last link has a clearer picture of her, it just didn’t crop well. Also, I confess I couldn’t bring myself to read Eternity War. As thrilling as the prospect of a cohesive narrative is, if I wanted to see Adora slit her brother’s throat there’s the edgier side of deviantArt to peruse. Therefore I know little of Horokoth outside of a few still images of Hordak. The bat was almost certainly selected for the Horde’s vespertilian emblem.

Hordeous, God-Beast of Horokoth

Lore: A “primordial”, bat-like godbeast of Horokoth, created in response to the god Saz’s feline races. Their face was “forever infused“ on the surface of Horde World by Horde Lord (Hordak and Horde Prime’s father in the MOTUC canon) to grant their family power and immortality.

Behind the Scenes: Yes they’ve used some words wrong, but they’ve got the spirit, right? Hordeous was (allegedly, this is secondhand) an invention of the MOTUC crew in answer to Horokoth. Now, the Horde Supreme bio predates Horokoth’s introduction by about 3 years, but obviously the comics were in production already. There’s an undated sketch of Horokoth Hordak from an undated interview (thanks for nothing you useless website) but in that same gallery there’s an orko sketch labeled 2012 so. We’re good right? That makes sense, timeline-wise. Anyway the comics slam dunked Horde Prime out of existence and combined him with Horde Lord so it’s contradictory anyway. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Serpentia, Malevolent Snake Goddess

Lore: The evil counterpart of Asklepia, Serpentia is the goddess of the Snake Men. The priest Ka of the Snake Clan forsook Asklepia in her favor, destroying Asklepia’s sacred orb and stealing the Serpent Ring (an artefact capable of transforming humans into Snake Men) from the Ophidian Spire with King Hsss. In DC’s triune interpretation of the Goddess, Serpentia (here ‘Serpos’) is blood, passion, and desire. A primal and primordial force appearing to the Snake Men in their own image.

Behind the Scenes: Okay yes I’ve reused the Asklepia pic but in my defense they are twins and this is the easiest one to crop. So here’s the thing about Serpentia: we only got a name for her in 2019. We knew there was a snake goddess, and she was pretty evil, or at least hostile towards mammalian life (see: the source of the pic I chose for her). Where Asklepia references the asklepian, ‘Serpentia’ is a much more heavy-handed snake reference, even though Anguis was right there. Those Masters Mondays came through for us, though, with the shield and staff of Ka, Ssssylph, and of course MOTUC’s Dark Despot Skeletor, which is. something. Though only recently named, Serpentia has been a shadow over Eternia since the Snake Men’s introduction in 1985 (or, depending on how much of the presented backstory you accept, even sooner in the form of Skeletor’s lair, Snake Mountain).

Serpos/Sarcedon, God-Beast of Snake Mountain

Lore: Contradictory, but the gist of it is he’s a very large snake with elemental magic and a grudge, that was turned to stone and became Snake Mountain.

Long Version: Snake Mountain was conceived of towards the end of 1982, but wasn’t revealed to the public until September of 1983, with the debut of the Filmation cartoon. For another year, the snake coiled around its summit was simply a carving, its mouth hollowed out for Skeletor to stand in and loom. But in 1984 the Snake Mountain toy was released, completely discarding the Filmation design in favor of the hewn face of the figure we now call Ka. Instead of a snake carving winding its way up the peak, the Mattel toy featured a ‘striking serpent’, alive and attached to the mountain itself. From there, it was an easy leap to make to ‘this carving comes alive’. So easy, in fact, that they did it twice!

First attempted in 1985 in the newspaper storyline “Vengeance of the Viper King”, the snake was here called Sarcedon, the World Destroyer. At the dawn of time, he was said to crush Eternia within his deadly coils. He burrowed deep into the ground, causing fearsome storms that nearly destroyed the planet. Only a fearless hero (implied to be He-Ro) could defeat and imprison Sarcedon. Using a macguffin called a Mirror of History, He-Man forced Sarcedon to behold his own reflection in a reference to the Medusa myth that kind of missed the point of it being reflective. Sarcedon was sent back in time, Snake Mountain was restored, the good guys win, blah blah blah.

That was the last of it until the MYP cartoon in 2004. Serpos as a name was actually first invoked by Mer-Man in a 1982 minicomic, but like it probably wasn’t about the snake. Anyway in the MYP cartoon the Snake Men get this thing called the Medallion of Serpos that lets them un-petrify the snake around Snake Mountain, grow two more heads, and unleash his godly wrath. He breathes fire, trashes Eternos, beats up He-Man, then turns his attention on Castle Grayskull to consume the Orb of Power (containing the strength and wisdom of the Elders, who had first trapped him in stone). He-Man cuts off Serpos’s extra heads with a sword upgrade, the Elders are somehow magically restored to life, and they re-petrify him. Snake Mountain is restored, the good guys win, blah blah blah.

Zoar, the Fighting Falcon

Lore: Contradictory, but it sure is a bird!

Long Version: While Sharella’s backstory is fraught because of the comics couldn’t decide what they wanted her to be, Zoar was similarly tangled up by the toyline. Initially male, he went through several color schemes, some prettier than others. Though there was a vague association with the Sorceress before the cartoon (recall that pre-Filmation, the Sorceress was just the Goddess), Filmation made them literally inseperable by designating Zoar as the Sorceress’s falcon form, to which she was confined when leaving Castle Grayskull.

Some of the comics and Golden books showed Zoar as being flipping enormous & ridden into battle as a steed by Teela and Man-at-Arms. Pre-Filmation, Zoar was always referred to as male, but post-Filmation, always female, as an incarnation of the Sorceress.

The Eternity Wars comics describe Zoar as the third aspect of the Goddess, the ‘Great Preserver’ whose light would shine through the universe for eternity. They pull off a sort of tripartite priestess thing where it’s Serpos/Zoar/Horokoth represented by Teela-Na (the Sorceress)/Teela/Evil-Lyn.

MOTUC, of course, had to reconcile all of these contradictory canons. How’d they do it? “In the folklore of Eternia, the golden falcon symbolized the godhead Zoar, a powerful deity of Preternia. As a god, Zoar could appear in both male and female guises and while the blue-tipped female falcon was associated with the Sorceress of Grayskull, the golden falcon represented Zoar's masculine nature.” So Zoar is genderfluid now, and the Sorceress is merely borrowing their form when transforming into a falcon. This bio also established that Zoar had anointed the first Sorceress, Veena (Queen Grayskull), which explains why she has wings for no apparent reason.

Also it’s not offically MOTUC but the scultors of the line, Four Horsemen, made a single anthro Zoar for Power-Con 2013. In case you need that for some reason.

Glorybird, Emissary of Zoar

Lore: Many millennia ago, there were three siblings, who were very poor and mistreated by their stepmother, but had hearts filled with kindness and love. Zoar, recognizing their resilience and desire to help people, sent an emissary named Glorybird. Glorybird bestowed upon each sibling a divine gift, but as they used their new powers to fight for good, their stepmother revealed herself to be a Celestial Witch & attempted to sacrifice them to Zoar’s “greatest enemy”, Horokoth.  

Backstory: Okay, so the Star Sisters (and Glorybird) were in exactly one episode of She-Ra, primarily to set them up as new toy designs. While prototypes were made for these, the figures weren’t actually produced until MOTUC released figures for them in 2012. Though they were referenced in Princess Prom, and we saw a brief cameo in a background, Glorybird was absent until the introduction of the Star Siblings in Season Five.

That’s right! This bird is a god, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Saz, God of All Felines

Lore: One of the “Gods of the Multiverse” (he is the only member named explicitly), Saz was a blue-furred, feline deity responsible for the creation of all cats, humanoid or otherwise. He transformed himself into an enormous cat-beast to defeat Serpos and Hordeous, whose progenitors created them in envy of his children. Though Serpos was defeated, Hordeous escaped into the cosmos, and Saz himself vanished mysteriously.

Behind the Scenes: “By the whiskers of Saz!” is a fun pseudo-swear made by various cat races throughout MOTU, first in He-Man’s “The Cat and the Spider” and later in She-Ra’s “Magicats”. That was the only real mention of him until... okay, so MOTUC bios aren’t always attached to the product. Starting in 2018, they did this thing called Masters Mondays where they put unposted bios on the org forums. So while we’ve had the sword since 2010, we didn’t get the background on it until March of 2020. And then a couple weeks later, the Cat Mask of Catra bio referred to him as a “mystical being” instead of a god, but the mask was from 2011 so. He may not have been a god yet. It really depends on when the bios were actually written.

Saz wielded a blade probably best described as a falchion, whose quillon & langet formed a vaguely triangular shape around a deep red gem. I want to be clear that while it looks totally rad, this sword would be very impractical and have poor structural integrity were it not made by a literal god. Do not make swords like this. Also it’s almost certainly riffing on the Sword of Omens from Thundercats (affectionate).

Sabe-Or, Son of Saz

Lore: A green-furred, orange-striped paladin, Sabe-Or is one of the only named Ancients. He inherited his father’s blade upon Saz’s mysterious disappearance, and lived for centuries more. Upon his death, he transferred his “heroic essence” into a group of Eternian tigers, forever transforming them into the Green Tiger Tribe, whence both Granger (steed of King Grayskull), and Cringer, steed of Prince Adam.

Behind the Scenes: So “Battle Cat Man” is a concept that’s existed since they decided to make their hero ride a wicked tiger into battle. If you show a kid a superhero, and a supertiger, apparently the natural inclination of most children in the 80s was to combine the two. There are so many custom action figures. So, so many. Sabe-Or is visually a clear reference to this concept, and canonically seems to be the closest we’re going to get outside of the Thundercats crossover, unless you count Cowarros from 4H’s Mythic Legions line (I do, because it means Purrrplor is also canon and I fucking love calling him that).

Moss Man, Ancient Eternian Nature God

Lore: An ally of King Grayskull, Moss Man was something of an Eternian cryptid in the centuries leading up to He-Man Times. He has control over all plant life, the ability to meld with plants, and apparently can imbue sentience to said plants.

Behind the Scenes: Moss Man wasn’t featured in many episodes, because he’s a little... incredibly over-powered. He’s literally Bigfoot from 5000 years ago with magic powers. And like, since I don’t think the writers appreciate how long 5000 years is, you know what happened 5000 years ago? Stonehenge. This bitch is Stonehenge-old. But sure, you can trace a direct line of descent from his contemporary. smh. Anyway according to MOTUC his real name is Kreann’Ot N’Norosh so make of that what you will. Also his toys were pine-scented. I just love that.

Evil Seed, Rebellious Creation of Moss Man

Lore: Created by Moss Man to help fight in the Great Wars, Evil Seed betrayed his master and turned to evil (who could have foreseen this...), finding joy in corrupting all forms of plant life for his own amusement. Moss Man imprisoned him in enchanted chains, keeping him restrained for many millennia.

Behind the Scenes: According to MOTUC, his real name is Sero Malustro, clumsy New Latin for “(to) plant evil-burnt“. Why his name is New Latin and Moss Man’s is... whatever that is, I have no idea. As you can see from the image I included, he originally had an artichoke head, which was upgraded for the Mike Young Productions (MYP) cartoon. Personally I think the artichoke rules.

Volcana, the Fire Goddess

Lore: Canonically, she’s a fire goddess, and the mother of the Volcano Magus. Together, they are a rising force that seeks to conquer Etheria in the wake of Hordak’s defeat.

Backstory: Volcana has taken a long a twisted journey, but was first revealed to fans at Power-Con 2016 in a panel revealing previously unseen concepts and characters. After the first wave of She-Ra toys, a second wave was planned with a snow focus, to bring more attention the Filmation-neglected Frosta. This began with the introduction of a fire villain, an “evil lady that glows with heat” who would attempt to melt Castle Chill. That concept actually refers to a character named Amber (not Ember, as one might assume) who was reworked into a benevolent counterpart, Volcana’s twin sister.

Volcana was later fleshed out to be a Fire Goddess with flame-red hair, x-ray vision, and arms sculpted with flames. Her cape flew up with flame detail that rose up to control the volcano (of Volcanica, a proposed toyset that seems to have been reworked into the Crystal Falls). She was emphasized by Mattel to not start fires, which, honestly, is probably why they scrapped the character. He-Man couldn’t use his sword as a sword; a woman made of fire was basically doomed.

Now, though, we’re several decades in and lines made for collecters that are largely in their 30s and 40s can say whatever they want! So she’s canon, even if Amber isn’t. Yes there’s only one mention of her. Amber technically was mentioned in an unproduced episode titled “Amber Waves of Flame”, but as it was unproduced, it’s noncanonical.

Volcano Magus, Sinister Son of Volcana

Lore: Living within a dormant volcano, the Volcano Magus of the German audio plays was the source of most of Catra’s power and all of her evil intent. He supplied her with magic for spells and schemes with which to assail the Crystal Castle, but neither she nor Clawdeen were aware of the dark influence he held over them.

In the MOTUC canon, he’s specified as the son of Volcana, a demigod from the “Region of Volcanoes” who craved the nature magic of the Whispering Woods. When he learned the Twiggets were inextricably linked to that magic, he used his powers to petrify the former Rebels (this was after the Horde's defeat) and kidnap three Twiggets to drain the magic from their souls. Twiggets, for the uninitiated, are like purple tree-elf things. According to MOTUC, Razz is a Twigget, though the ‘real’ name they assigned her doesn’t fit their naming convention. She is purple, I guess.

Kowl, who avoided petrification, read Razz's spellbooks to find a way to save his friends, and learned of an Entrapment Gem that she hid in a shoe, for some reason. He confronted the Volcano Magus, spoke in the ancient tongue of the First Ones, and sucked him into the Gem.

Backstory: Admittedly this stuff is second hand, as I don’t speak German & they only have transcriptions/translations for the He-Man tapes anyway, but if anybody can find me an audio file I will do my best to verify. The MOTUC stuff at least I can confirm 100% because it’s from 2019 & I do speak English, for better or worse.

Oak, the Jackal God

Lore: Oak was the terrible Jackal God worshiped by the denizens of Zhar, an ancient civilization that once existed in a remote, forested region of Eternia. Long ago, Oak was imprisoned within a statue which could be found within the Temple of the Jackal. When Skeletor removed the statue from the temple, Oak broke free of the enchantment which imprisoned him and wreaked havoc on Eternia. Although the Jackal God was immensely powerful, he could be weakened by the elements of nature and was ultimately foiled by a rainstorm conjured by the combined powers of He-Man's sword and the magic of the temple's guardian priest.

Backstory: I have lifted this from a He-Man guide word for word as I cannot for the life of me find a copy of the Brazilian Editora Abril comic he came from, O Templo Do Chacal (1986). The description is like, suspiciously similar to the plot of the He-Man episode The Cat and the Spider, except the Grimalkin was never described as a god. The rest of it--statue, Skeletor, storm defeat--plays out almost the same. True pity I can’t find the original source, but I do trust this guidebook. You may be interested in Ceres from the UK comics--another dog-slash-statue who frankly might as well be a god himself, but as he’s not called one in canon he’s not going on the list.

The Bitter Rose Goddess

Lore: As Man-at-Arms told the legend, “Every day, a woman climbed Rose Mountain to look for her husband to return from the war. Alas, he never came back. Her tears poured from her cheek and entered the ground. One day she disappeared, but where she stood was a single, solitary rose. It’s the only thing that grows on Rose Mountain.”

The Insect People, who lived at the base of Rose Mountain, believed that the Bitter Rose is all that held the mountain together (and when it was picked, they were proved right). After the flower was restored, it transformed into the Bitter Rose Goddess herself, who explained that she had been a prisoner of her love's sorrow, so bitter that she refused to allow anything else to grow on Rose Mountain. She blessed the surrounding area, blanketing the jagged peaks with roses, and disappeared.

Backstory: She’s kind of... barely a god. She showed up in one episode and no other media & has objectively less power than like, every single demon they ever brought in. I almost didn’t put her on this list.

Mask-Ra, Goddess of Masks

Lore: A goddess who created the magical Masks of Power.

Backstory: Mask-Ra was first mentioned in 2019 and like, look, I’m gonna be real. I don’t respect her. She’s an invention of MOTUC (unless they were drawing on this concept art of Maska-Ra, which I doubt bc he was a Man-E-Faces precursor) and they retconned her into having created Catra’s mask, which is kind of redundant given the entire episode Magicats. This mask did not need two bios. There are no other mentions of her in any canon.

Potential other Masks of Power: The Deemos and Tyrella masks from the He-Man episode “Masks of Power”, lizard and canine masks from the mini-comic “Masks of Power”, Lord Masque’s Demon Mask from the He-Man episode “House of Shokoti, Part 1″, and whatever the hell Red Shadow has going on.

Procrustus, Giant Guardian of Magic

Lore: During the creation of the various dimensions (5 in MOTUC canon but demonstratably higher everywhere else), the gods installed the four-armed, immortal giant Procrustus to guard their secrets at the heart of Eternia. There lay the Starseed, from which the entire dimension was created. It still held immeasurable power, and could be used to conquer entire universes. Hordak, in an attempt to access the Starseed, cracked Eternia in two with the Spell of Separation. Though he was (mostly) thwarted, from then on Procrustus was forced to hold the two halves of Eternia together from within, lest the planet break apart and the Starseed be exposed.

Backstory: First appearing in the mini-comic “The Magic Stealer!”, Procrustus is a lot more tangible than most gods. We know where he is, at all times, and he seems confined to one size. His powers appear to be largely physical, as he had to burrow out of the ground to investigate in the mini-comic instead of teleporting or like, magicking the dirt away. This was his only appearance until MOTUC released a figure for him in 2012. He also showed up in the Subternia map the next year, holding Eternia together.

Standor, Cosmic Creator of Power

Lore: “Before time began, the great Gods of the multiverse convened in the Hall of Power to create all that was and all that will ever be. Head architect of this great task was Standor. A cosmic being of unlimited imagination, Standor helped lead his fellow deities by fueling their energies with raw creative force.”

Backstory: Released for Comikaze 2013 to celebrate the partnership of Mattel and Pow! Entertainment, Standor is literally just Stan Lee But a God. The prototype was called Standar--idk why they changed it, but I think it’s because it’s too easy to confuse with “Standard”. They made a bio for his sunglasses. I don’t want to talk about it.

Bash-Or, Slain Mystic God-Beast

Lore: Very little is known of Bash-Or, the Ram. His last remnant was sealed within the Ram Stone by the ancient sorceror kings of Zalesia, imbuing it with his divine power to overcome any barrier, magical or otherwise.

Backstory: Bash-Or was revealed in the bio for the Ram Stone, September of 2020, but his spirit (previously referred to as ‘the Spirit of the Ram Stone’) was twice utilized by Skeletor in the MYP cartoon, to great effect, before the stone was destroyed.

[bettsfic]

Hi! Do you have any advice about how to reveal things about a character's past - particularly Big things, like trauma or otherwise defining moments - without either a) hitting the audience over the head in a big exposition dump, or b) hiding key info to the point where it's a Mystery to an annoying degree? I love stories where a character's behavior is somewhat of an enigma until you learn something important about them, but I don't know how to actually do that myself, esp for the pov character.

oh man what a great question! i think about this all the time. so much of writing boils down to when to reveal information. revealing information early in the story offers context, character development, and raises the stakes. late in the story, it illuminates all that came before it and casts the story in a new light.

there is so much writing advice out there that’s like “cut the backstory! nobody cares about backstory!”

but let me tell you, i’m always a slut for a good backstory. anti-backstory people are the same ones who hated the movie Solo because “we didn’t need to know more about han, he was already a good character on his own!” i read so many bad takes to that effect, and i kept thinking, excuse you! *i* want to know more about han solo!! i want information that will change and deepen my perspective of a trilogy i’ve seen a thousand times so i might go back and watch it again with new eyes!!

anyway. i’ve also been reading danmei, specifically mxtx, who is truly a galaxy brained writer when it comes to backstory. she completely changed my perspective on what it looks like to weave together a vast and complicated story structure. i remember watching the Untamed, deeply irritated by the 30-episode backstory, thinking about what poor writing it was and how if i could get my hands on the script, i’d pare it down and weave it in more thoroughly. 

but then! by the end of the flashback, i was sobbing!! me! crying! over media! and i thought, i’ve had this reaction to a story maybe only a handful of times in my entire life? maybe instead of judging this for not meeting my (extremely western and strict) standards of a “good story” i should be listening to what it’s teaching me?

i honestly think i’ve learned more about writing from mxtx than my entire first semester of a cw phd. 

now onto the actual advice:

in the first draft, let the backstory unveil itself to you naturally without concerning yourself with where information should go.

if you’re not used to writing multiple drafts, this might be difficult. but if you have a complicated past timeline that affects the present timeline, it’s nearly impossible to do it all in one go. you need at least one draft to get it all down, and another draft to put it in the right order. most of the revision process, i’ve found, is putting things in their right place. the creative brain is not an orderly thing, even for those of us who plan meticulously.

while you’re drafting, you’ll find natural pockets where contextual information should go. follow the paths that open for you. if you get to a point where a character is thinking about a certain moment in their past, go into what happened right then and there. you can always move it later, or expand on it, or cut it. but it’s important to see those cues and respond to them the very second you’re inspired to do so.

note, this is the same for nonfiction! if you’re writing a memoir or personal essay, memories will trigger other memories, and the more you allow yourself to follow those paths, the easier it is to see the patterns that emerge. you have to let your stories tell themselves to you. 

okay so let’s say you’ve done all that. the past events are all there, but it’s awkwardly placed/you just don’t like where it is. how do you find where it goes?

unfortunately i can’t tell you where backstory/contextual information should always go or how it should be placed there. but i can tell you what certain positioning does to a narrative, so you can make a more confident decision.

i can go on at length about the movement of time in a story, but i want to keep this narrowed down to the basic premise that you have a present timeline that is informed by past events, and the present timeline is the main story. (there are many other ways to navigate time, but i’m defaulting to this setup because it’s what anon is asking, and also probably the most common.)

in your present timeline, you have plot points, moments where A Thing Happens. i’ll call these moments “events.” likely, you’ve established the stakes of these events as well as their consequences. if your past timeline (stuff that occurs before your story begins) informs these events, your first choice is whether or not you want to put them before an event or after it.

if you put the backstory prior to the event, you contextualize and add depth as or before the event unfolds. this option is good for romances, adventure stories, any narrative where the tension derives from a gradual increase in stakes, and the conflict is built by an opposing force like an antagonist. 

if you put the backstory after, you illuminate the event and cast it in a new light. this might be a twist or reveal, which is good for mysteries, thrillers, or stories where the tension comes from the unveiling of information in order to answer a question the story poses. 

and you can also have a bit of both! maybe you want to tease out some information and reveal some later, or have the past and present run parallel. maybe you want to begin the backstory, cut it short, the event happens, and then you complete the backstory. this method might be good for stories where the present timeline has lower stakes than the past timeline, like recovery narratives.

once you’ve decided before/after/during, the next major decision is whether you want to thread the past into the present via summary (indirect discourse), or if you want discrete, in-scene flashbacks (direct discourse). obviously you can also do a bit of both!

i think this decision will likely depend on your narrator. sometimes a well-written 3-sentence summary is more evocative than a 3-page detailed flashback, especially if the past timeline is a composite memory. that is to say, it’s not a single event that happens, but a series of them, like if you have a memory of always eating a bologna sandwich after school, your brain compiles that into a single memory even though you know you did it a thousand times. 

but sometimes, if a past moment is really important, the 3-page detailed flashback is necessary. sometimes you’ll begin with summary and move into a scene and back out. when it comes to backstories, don’t be afraid to play around with discourse. how does the style and tone change when you summarize a conversation versus when you write it in actual dialogue? personally i’ve found that less is more when it comes to backstories so I err toward summary, at least in my own writing, but as a reader i appreciate each kind of approach. 

lastly and most importantly, get a beta reader and ask them specifically about their experience reading the backstory. here you want descriptive feedback. you’re not asking “what should i do? how do i fix this?” you’re asking, “how did you feel while reading it?” and that will tell you how to approach revision. sometimes i write a backstory that i think is a slam dunk, because i’m already invested in the characters, but i get reader feedback saying it’s boring/they were inclined to skip over it. sometimes i’m like, “haha good, be miserable and bored, you’ll thank me later.” and sometimes i’m like, “dammit fine” and kill my darlings.

on that note, sometimes you just have to own it, and bore/confuse your reader because you know the eventual payoff is good enough. if the info dump is the best/easiest/clearest method, do it. if teasing a backstory out slowly is what you’re going for, don’t be afraid to make the reader want to throttle you. you don’t write to buy into your reader’s expectations; nor do you write specifically to defy those expectations. you write to honor the story you want to tell, and you place contextual information that is most complementary to the narration you’ve chosen. 

[thornbolts]

Protecting Our Rears

Never should have signed up for negotiating. Lost as soon as we bought in. Legs feel like jelly. Hands feel numb. Mother of all headaches. Forgotten how pain feels. Rem tripped, dunking face-first into murky swamp water with a gasp. It flooded her lungs as she pressed off of her weak palms.

Rem stumbled to the hollowed roots of a giant tree. She pressed her back to the bark. Each breath gurgled. Rem slid the hunting knife from its sheath. One stab. The undead slid the blade between her ribs, puncturing each lung. Each lung drained like a stuck water balloon. Just let it drain.

She closed her eye. The old forsaken didn’t know how long she sat there in a dreamless haze. Everyone deserves rest, even the dead.

Her eye shot open as a scream pierced through the heavy rain.

Don’t sleep. Something always happens when you sleep.

Rem pulled herself up. Her pistol felt like an anvil in her grasp. Doesn’t matter. You hold it anyway. Someone’s in trouble. One. Two. Three. Four. Five bullets. Leave the last chamber open. Accidental discharge is a bitch. Move your damn feet. Feel like I’m dragging bricks behind my heels.

Doesn’t matter how much you stumble. Doesn’t matter how much you bump into the trees or trip over the roots. Doesn’t matter if you had your face stolen and can’t even talk. Fight.

Her eye peered through the rain, spotting a herd of the Aldmarsh undead closing on an upturned wagon. Ambushed. Another scream shrilled through the air. The golden eyes of a group of sin’dorei--Survivors. Save them. Raise your pistol.

The gunslinger pulled the hammer back and marked her targets. Two mindless. One’s legs were gone. A crawler. But they could still bite. Another mindless covered in moss and fungus. Infected by the marsh. And the last: A behemoth of an undead with a massive arm that was big enough to smash an abomination to paste.

Even if her mind was hazy, her body remembered what to do. Rem squeezed the trigger. The bullet homed in on its target, crashing through the skull and brain of the first mindless and splattering gore on the nearby bark. Before one of the sin’dorei could even gasp, the next bullet was already in flight. It slammed into the next mindless’ temple, chewing through the brain and lodging itself in.

Three more bullets. Pull the hammer. Align the sights. Squeeze the trigger like you’re giving a firm handshake. BANG! The bullet roared in unison with the crackling thunder. The crawler was already face-first in the dirt with a hole between its eyes as the forest lit up in a white flash. 

Do it again. Rem fired the last two, each bullet tracked its target like they had minds in their brass casings. The first caught the bright orange mushroom growing on the next mindless’ shoulder. It ballooned up in a bright red glow. BOOM. Guess those mushrooms were explosive. Tell the Hemlocks. The next bullet punctured through the final mindless. The glint of brass falling from the creature’s head glowed as the next lightning strike hit. Need more firepower.

The behemoth came charging in, toppling over trees like they were just sticks. Dodge. Rem threw her weight forward, barely rolling in time as the berserk mindless slammed into the tree that was previously standing behind her. It snapped like a twig, crashing into the grass with earthshaking impact. Legs still weak. Don’t need them to kill this thing.

As the mossy leviathan came stomping toward her, Rem raised a strange-looking steel barrel to the monstrosity’s face. Loira, Dr. Staton, I owe you both one. She squeezed the trigger. Shards of razor-sharp teeth sliced into the creature’s face, driving it back with a vicious roar. Time to finish the job.

Rem rolled to her side, pushing off of the wet ground and sliding one of the dynamite sticks from her bandolier. Can’t make a fire in this rain. Gotta improvise. The forsaken’s eye flared a bright purple. Shadowflame blazed through her arm, surging through the stick and igniting the wick. It hissed as she flung it at the creature with all the strength she could muster. The dynamite landed right in the monstrosity’s rotting mouth. Bullseye.

BOOM. Gore and mossy parts rained down as Rem closed her eye. She felt the Shadow leave her body as footsteps splashed through the wet mud. Voices. Those words are light, but they’re worried. I know it. That's Thalassian.

The forsaken felt herself hauled up. Too tired to move. Need to rest.

--

FOXGLOVE SCOUTING REPORT - FELO’LOTH VILLAGE SCOUT: REMINGTON THORNBOLT

Hopefully this letter makes it to HQ. I’m recovering in Felo’loth Village, or Flame Flower Village for anyone whose Thalassian is rusty. This place wasn’t on any maps. Managed to rescue a small family traveling by wagon. They hauled me back and are nursing me back to health. Thank the Shadow I know enough Thalassian to get by.

From what I can get from the family caring for me, this village isn’t large. Maybe a couple dozen folks at the most. They’ve been able to protect themselves with a barrier not unlike Bandinoriel found in Eversong Woods. They call it “Gerthas Cai,” or literally, “Rune Barrier.” With it, they haven’t been touched for years. Their rangers’ fighting fitness is admittedly rusty because of it.

They sent one of their messengers out. Hopefully the one meeting them can speak Thalassian. They’ve offered to guide people to this village as a way of thanks. I think we can work with them to help reinforce the paths along our camp. They seem relieved to know that help is here. These people don’t have much, but they’ve got good hearts. I strongly advise we take them up on their offer. They’re potential allies.

I’m gonna stay here in Felo’loth for a couple of days to recuperate. Fight took a lot out of me. I’ll rendezvous with everyone before the next mission.

[wolfyred-ks]

Adrinette April 2019

@adrinetteapril

Day 3 - Embarrassing

Marinette awoke in the middle of a very large bed. She didn’t know where she was. The bed was covered in rich satin sheets, a dark blue colour, with a thick down comforter spread over top. She tried to sit up, but her head started to spin wildly. She sank back down into the mattress with a groan.

A soft noise came from somewhere in the room and a shadow soon fell upon her head, giving her some shielding from the brightness of the sun. “Well, looks like you’re finally among the land of the conscious.” A soft male voice spoke.

Marinette groaned again. “If you can’t magic away my headache, leave me alone.”

“No can do Marinette,” the soft voice spoke again. “We should get this into you. You’ll feel better soon.”

A couple of hands helped her to sit up and she felt a warm body close to hers, so she lent against it for support. A couple of headache pills were put into one of her hands and a glass of water was put in the other. Unthinkingly she swallowed the pills with the water and leaned back into the warm body by her side.

The warm body stiffened for a moment and then it took the glass of water out of her hand and leaned over somewhere to put the glass down.

“This is nice,” Marinette whispered. “Can I go back to sleep right here?” She murmured.

“Unfortunately not. We should get you out of bed and get some food into you.” The hands gently pushed Marinette up and the warm body tried to move away.

“Nooo,” Marinette protested. She threw her arms around the warm body and snuggled closer, breathing in the sent of the person she was holding onto. It smelled of leather, alcohol, croissants and faintly of cheese.

As her brain processed the scent, the alcohol triggered a memory in her. Last night her, Alya, Nino and Adrien had gone out to celebrate her turning 18 a few days before. She had had her first ‘mixed drink’. It had given her the courage to ask Adrien to dance.

After dancing for a bit she had another mixed drink, different from the first one she had had. They all talked for a bit and she had started her third drink, larger and more colourful than the others. About half an hour later she was completely sloshed and she found out that she was a light weight drinker. 3 drinks in 3 hours and she was all over Adrien.

Adrien had been a little embarrassed and Alya mentioned she’d take Marinette home. If they could get Marinette to let go of Adrien’s arm. After a few minutes it looked like she wasn’t giving up so Adrien said he’d take her home. They got her into his car and buckled in. As they were driving to the bakery Marinette had mentioned that her parents weren’t home. They had gone out with her Uncle who was visiting from China again. They were taking in the sights in a small town for the day and were staying at a hotel overnight.

Adrien had said that he shouldn’t leave Marinette alone while she was like that, and she had said back to him that she’d love to be alone with him. She had felt Adrien stiffen again and she tried to lean over to him and said she trusted being alone with him, after all, she loved him.

She didn’t remember much after that other than waking up with a very pounding headache. She then realized, again, that she was in a bed. Clinging onto a warm, very male, body. She glanced down at herself and saw she was in a large t-shirt. She couldn’t tell if she had any undergarments on. She slowly looked up and her blue eyes locked with green ones. A blush started across her cheeks.

A blush was also slowly creeping along the cheeks just under those green eyes and the soft voice said, “I’m guessing you’re remembering some of last night?”

She nodded mutely, the blush getting darker.

“I’d like to inform you that nothing untowards happened. After you told me your folks were out of town I brought you here to my place. I didn’t want to leave you alone to stumble around and possibly hurt yourself. Nathalie met us at the door and she helped you into that shirt.” The blush on both sets of cheeks got darker.

“I helped Nathalie get you into the guest bedroom when you began to be uncooperative and you grabbed my waist and wouldn’t let go.” Adrien felt like his whole face was in flames, and Marinette’s didn’t look to much better to him.

“Nathalie saw that you weren’t letting go and she said that as long as I left the door open then it shouldn’t be a problem if I slept here with you. She doubted that you could do anything in that state anyway.”

Adrien felt like the flames of his face were now up to the top of his head and all the way down to his stomach.

Marinette’s eyes couldn’t get any larger and she too felt like her whole body was in flames from sheer embarrassment. “Uh huh,” she blindly muttered. Her mind wasn’t there. It was off screaming, ‘I slept with Adrien! I shared a bed with Adrien! And I can’t remember ANY OF IT!!!!!!’ as it ran around somewhere where all lost minds went.

Adrien finally tore his gaze from Marinette and he continued while scratching the back of his head, “I managed to take of my shoes and top off so we could sleep easier and when I woke up about an hour ago I went and changed my shirt in my room. I came back here and watched some TV so you wouldn’t be alone when you woke up. Nathalie brought you the pills about half an hour ago.”

Marinette at this point realized that she was still holding Adrien as he sat beside her on the bed. Her brain suddenly ran back and slam dunked itself into her head. “Oh My God!” she squeaked. She let go of Adrien, grabbed the sheets, pulled them around herself and tired to stand up on the bed, but that didn’t work out so she fell over. Adrien caught her before she could hit the floor.

Their faces were close. Neither breathed for a moment. Then Adrien seemed to compose himself. He placed Marinette on her feet as he stood up. He pulled the sheet around her tighter and stepped away.

“I’ll let you get changed,” he pointed to her clothes neatly folded on a dresser by the bed. “I’ll wait outside the door and I’ll take you down to get something to eat. You can call your parents and let them know where you are.”

Marinette watched him walk away and out of the room. As he reached the door he turned back and said with an impish grin, “And maybe we can talk about you wanting to be alone with me.”

Marinette silently screamed, she had never been so embarrassed before in all her life.

[disinvited-guest]

12/31/2018 Philadelphia Recap

The wait for this show was absolutely wonderful, as I got to reunite with old concert-going pals (in case you were wondering, @monopuffstan and @integrityproject remain as wonderful as ever) and meet several new ones.  Even if the concert hadn’t been absolutely wonderful, hanging out with all of these awesome folks would almost have been worth the trip itself.  

We had a wonderful, if cold and soggy, wait.  Flans walked right through our line to get to the venue with a polite “excuse me.”  I happened to be one of the people in his way and I shuffled to the side, mortified.

Once we got inside, things became a bit less jovial.  I did not get along with the people to my right, who were more than a little drunk. I’m not going to include their antics in the recap, but they did have a negative effect on how much I could hear and see of what was going on onstage.  Reminder:  there is a bootleg of this show floating around, so you can listen to what I missed.

JoCo came onstage at 9:20 sharp  wearing a tuxedo with a very stylish bow-tie.  After playing Artificial Heart, he commented faux-disapprovingly on what the crowd was wearing “I thought this was a party!”  He told us he had never played a show in a tux before and was worried for two reasons:  that it would restrict his range of motion, and that he would sweat through it in 5 minutes.

He played Shop Vac, then mopped his face with a towel and warned us that it was happening.  Someone shouted at him that he should take off his suit, and he responded that there was “nothing underneath.”

The crowd cheered at this, but JoCo responded that we were cheering now, but “after, you’d be disgusted” and that he’d be all over the internet the next day as a “weird asshole.”  

Introducing Future Soon, he told us that instead of looking back on 2018 we should look forward into the Future.  Afterwards, he took of his bowtie, warning the crowd that this was “As far as I’ll go.”  He introduced the next song as being about getting old and being sad about being old “but that’s okay,” which led into Glasses.

“I have a new album,” he told us after the song ended, “It’s called Solid State and that’s all I’m gonna say about that.” When the crowd cheered in response, he gave a world-weary sigh and continued in a grudging voice. “Of course we need a concept album about sci-fi.”  He sighed again, then added “And how the internet kind of sucks now.”  Another sigh “And how technology will either destroy us or save us.  One last huge sigh and then “And I’m sorry, but there’s a companion graphic novel.”  With the crowd cheering counterpoint to each on of his sighs, it was truly hilarious.

While messing with the laptop he had onstage, JoCo told us that “The album makes a lot of bleep bloop sounds.  This is just a normal acoustic guitar.  It doesn’t make bleep bloop sounds, so I brought out this.  This is a computer.”

The computer made excellent bleep bloop sounds as JoCo played All This Time.  Putting his guitar down after the song was over, JoCo picked up the machine with knobs and buttons all over it (If you haven’t seen him play Fancy Pants on this thing, my description isn’t going to do it justice. I’m begging you to look it up on YouTube.)  He warned us that on this machine “Even when I’m well-rehearsed, I’m barely hanging on.”

He immediately put the lie to his words by showing off a bit of what the machine was programmed for.  He then explained the song, verse by verse, before actually going into the song.  I was unprepared for just how glorious it was.  He added a bit of Auld Lang Syne into it, singing along a bit before declaring that no one knew the words anyway, and a bit of Single Ladies, and topped it all off by having the machine tell us “Gonna be the best in everybody’s pants.”

After returning to his guitar, JoCo brought up his wife, which got a cheer from a few people in the crowd.  “Some fans of my wife here,” he said, bemused, before moving on with his story.  

Apparently, before he met his wife, she wanted a tattoo, but didn’t have a particular one in mind.  “Which I later learned was typical of her, to have a goal in mind without considering the steps in between.”  She looked through the books in the parlor, “like

at a barbershop” JoCo explained to us, and picked out one she liked.  She got the tattoo, but regretted it.  Once he and his wife had started dating- “and I had an opportunity to see it,”  he added in wickedly, getting a cheer from the crowd-  he asked her about it and she grumbled that it was stupid, and she had just wanted the idea of a tattoo.  Recently though, his wife went in again and got quotes put around the tattoo, so now it is actually a tattoo of the idea of a tattoo.  All this talk of tattoos led, of course, into the song Your Tattoo.

JoCo mentioned that They Might Be Giants would be on his cruise, but that it was too late to buy tickets because it was sold out.  He told us it was a missed opportunity and that we should have followed his blog.  He then introduced the next song, I Feel Fantastic as a “song about how you’ve all made me feel tonight, but it’s also about being on drugs.”

Afterwards, he left the stage as we cheered.  After a few seconds, Flans came onstage, a scrap of paper in his hand.  The crowd’s cheering greatly increased.  He came up to the mic and announced “The owner of a blue Dodge Neon double-parked in front of the venue. Move your car or you will be towed.” The paper in his hand did say something about the car, so I have no doubt it was there, but somehow the context made it hilarious.  Having gotten all car-related news out of the way, Flans announced “Jonathan Coulton, everybody!” leaving stage as we cheered JoCo back on.  

JoCo thanked everyone, then had us practice our “part” for Re: Your Brains.  The first time around was too good.  He explained “Zombies get distracted.  They can only think about how much they want brains.  Some weren’t good singers to start with and rotting doesn’t help.”  Our next attempt was much better/worse, so he started into the song.  Afterwards, he thanked everyone once more and left the stage.

Immediately, that same stage was swarmed by the crew.  I got a glimpse of Fresh’s socks, which were full-color prints of a basketball player in the middle of a slam-dunk.  There was no riser for Curt, confirming that he wasn’t there.

The intro music came on quickly, followed by the band.  There was very little banter at this show.  I think they were worried about what point in the show they would take their break for midnight.  They played their first several songs without pause, starting out with The Communists Have The Music, then Twisting and I got a mouthed  “hi!” and a smile from Danny.  During Why Does the Sun Shine, Linnell told us that everything on the sun was a gas “copper, things that aren’t gas, iron, and even gas.”  He told us he was doing a voice so that “the tone of voice makes you think I’m condescending and impatient.”

They played Birdhouse in Your Soul, then went into Particle Man pausing only long enough for Linnell to grab his accordion.  He didn’t add another song into the interlude, simply switching into a minor key for a description of triangle man.  During the Famous Polka, Dan and Linnell executed a wonderfully in-synch kick (though not nearly as high as the Flans kick photo that’s been going around from that evening).  The audience all contributed to the song, chiming in with a fair imitation of the “doop-doop”s the bridge has in the recorded version.  It was one of those crazy-beautiful moments of serendipity you only get at tmbg shows.

After Famous Polka ended, they had the first banter of the evening.  Discussing his day, Flans told us all a story about his stop at a Popeyes next to a museum he had visited.  At the Popeyes, he was waiting next to two women and a man speaking “not-from-this-country” Italian.  He then pointed out to the guy that Popeyes! also spells ‘Pope yes!’ and the group found it hilarious (after the guy translated the joke to his companions).  Flans felt like it was a great start to the the year, and was about to say more but broke off to add to his story.  Apparently one of the women “the only English word she knew was ‘leg’” had done the Pope blessing thing with a chicken leg.  Flans demonstrated the motion to us, then said that in the new year he wanted “less of this-” miming pushing something away, “and more of this-” repeating the chicken-leg blessing.

Linnell decided that there were “little dramas like that going on at every stop on the turnpike.”  He decided that at the Molly Pitcher stop they were chanting “We want a pitcher not a chicken-leg itcher”  This prompted them both to start listing stops on the turnpike, some real and some decidedly not.  Eventually, they decided they were losing the crowd with all of their outdated references.  Flans asked Linnell if he was still jetlagged.  Linnell responded that he was, then explained to us that he was still on Scotland time, where “it is very late at night right now.”

“That’s what this next song is about!” and they started into Memo to Human Resources.  I was so excited that it took me a few lines to calm down enough to actually pay attention to the song.  I’d been chasing it all year and honestly thought I’d never hear it live.

Flans introduced the next song quickly “We have a new album out.  It’s called I Like Fun and this is I Left My Body.”  From there they went straight into Science is Real.  It was the first time I’d seen them play it without Flans using a cheat-sheet for the lyrics, and he did mumble a few of the words he forgot.

I believe it was here Linnell brought up Clara Barton as another potential stop on the turnpike, and both Johns began asking the crowd about the nature of the stops; if there were criteria for naming them, if there was a list of stops, etc.  

Eventually, Flans introduced Dan Miller on the keyboards “anything is possible!”  Dan extended his index finger like he was going to play a note, then pulled it back, shaking his head.  Danny watched the whole process with extreme interest.

“Don’t mess with those dials.” Flans told Dan.

They played Let’s Get This Over With and Doctor Worm, during which Flans was a bit distracted, looking of stage a lot, and even heading off once or twice.  During the Doctor Worm solo, Danny had to cover a bit of his part.  

Flans came back downstage and they played Robot Parade, starting slow and gradually becoming more and more rocking.  Flans attempted a human theremin during this song.  He gave the audience 15 seconds “for people who know what a theremin is to explain to people who don’t know what a theremin is.”  He then counted down the 15 seconds.  I’m not sure how much explaining was done, as a large portion of the crowd counted down the 15 seconds with him. He then gave a brief explanation and began.  It didn’t work super well and he wrapped things up quickly, but it was fun to be a part of.

Next up was a quick introduction to Trouble Awful Devil Evil, and it was also when my asthma started acting up.  I used my inhaler and when I refocused on the stage Danny was watching, presumably to make sure I was okay.    After Linnell put down his little clarinet for Trouble Awful Devil Evil, Flans briefly introduced him on the Contra Alto Clarinet before they played All Time What.  

Flans had Dan play a note on his guitar to show off the synthesizer, which Linnell claimed could “make a guitar sound like any instrument.”  Dan made a face and Flans amended “Well, any instrument purchased at a Radio Shack.”

They played We Want a Rock, then went straight into Bills Bills Bills.  During the start of the song, Dan posed next to Danny, guitar held at a precise angle, foot tapping.  He then nudged Danny and demonstrated the pose for him until Danny copied the pose and played that way together for a few bars.

Afterwards, Flans told us that the count-offs for the evening were “provided by Al Gore.”  He then proceeded to explain to us that they had seen other bands start without count offs and had been really impressed, but then “we switched and no one noticed.”

“Until now,” Linnell told him.

The two debated whether or not it was too technical for the audience to understand, but then Flans decided we were pretty smart “Three-fourths of them knew what a theremin was,” and they played Letterbox.  

They moved from Letterbox into Spy.  The ending was as fascinating as always, with Flans and Linnell each adding their bit, but rather than actually ending the song, they simply transitioned straight into Dan’s intro to Istanbul.  It was great to see the song getting the full Dan Miller treatment once again.  He was truly amazing.  At one point, he was playing one-handed, just plucking at the frets, at another point, he pointed to the crowd for a cheer before continuing on.  He even attempted to trick the rest of the band into thinking he was wrapping things up (they all got ready to start) before continuing on for another several seconds.  The whole thing was glorious.

During the song itself, Danny gave me a goofy look, and I snorted in response, then immediately covered my nose, embarrassed. Danny cracked up laughing and walked away.  During one of the fake endings, in the space where Dan and Curt had ‘battled’ in other 2018 shows, Dan and Danny did the same for a bit, switching off for a few lines, which was amazing.

As the song was wrapping up, Flans went around getting everyone's attention and wiggling his outstretched fingers at them.  This marked their departure from the setlists and led, accurately and amusingly, into Fingertips.

During I’m Having A Heart Attack, Flans did his boy band bit, but instead of facing the audience for it, addressed off stage right, where I had noticed Robin hanging out in the wings earlier.  I don’t know if she was still there, so I’m not sure if it was intentional or not.  

Dan did the first of the two whispered “Fingertips” without incident, but as he was about to repeat himself, a guy in the crowd shouted “Fingertips!” in the near-silent room.  Dan pointed in his direction and steps back from the mic and the band moved on to I Walk Along Darkened Corridors.

They went straight into The Guitar from there.  Trying to get close enough to midnight, they ended it with a big solo for Danny which was absolutely amazing!  Danny never gets enough time to shine in my personal but admittedly biased opinion and this was an amazing chance to see all that he could do.  Dan and Linnell stood next to each other behind the keyboard to watch Danny.  Dan looked over to Marty, keeping time on his set, and motioned to him that he stunk, pinching his nose and grinning.  Marty must have responded with a worried look because Dan immediately waved it off and gave him a thumbs up.  Linnell did the double point to his eyes and then to Marty in an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture.  

Danny’s solo was truly amazing, it was well over a minute in length and just when you thought it couldn’t get more awesome, it did.  The whole thing was made even more interesting by the fact that, since it was somewhat to stall for time until midnight, every so often Danny would glance over at Flans to check how much longer he wanted him to keep going.  Eventually, they wrapped up the song and a sweat soaked Danny accepted a new water bottle from Fresh while toweling off his face.

There was still more than a minute before midnight when The Guitar wrapped up.  Linnell decided we should “take a moment to remember the people in the crowd we lost along the way.”  The Johns went back and forth on this idea for a while, with Flans mourning “the people who were brought by their friends and are never coming again.”

Eventually they brought up a projection that had instructions for counting down, screaming for 2019, the words to Auld Lang Syne, etc.  The countdown was started at 15 seconds to midnight, but the crowd started out too slow, and in trying to catch up began counting too fast.  We overshot our goal and began celebrating the New Year a second or two too early.  They played Auld Lang Syne into an absolute explosion of confetti as things onstage devolved into an absolutely beautiful chaos.  Fresh, who was helping the confetti tech load the cannon, was eventually pushed out of the process by an incredibly enthusiastic Flans, who loaded the cannon at double speed and moved it back and forth so it would hit everybody.  The confetti got absolutely everywhere, covering the stage and the crowd for the rest of the show.  

Onstage was an absolute hugfest.  Danny hugged Dan, then went over behind the drum riser to hug Marty.  Fresh got a hug from Marty then ran offstage pumping his arms like he’d just won a prize.  Dan lifted Marty off of his feet while hugging him.  There was evidently champagne offstage as someone later set the bottle on an amp.  Flans chugged some directly from the bottle.

As the last of the confetti settled, Flans took the fan that was set up onstage and began using it to clear off some of layer of confetti coating absolutely everything, making a joke about needing a clear stage.  Danny scooped up big handfuls and ran around throwing them over people in the crowd.  At one point, Marty saw him at it and asked why he hadn’t thrown any confetti over his head.  Danny eventually obliged, although he waited until the encore when Marty wasn’t expecting it.  Linnell had the opposite problem, seeing Danny carrying a handful of confetti and worrying it was meant for him.  Danny saw his worried expression and indicated it was meant for the crowd and Linnell relaxed.  The crowd itself was also throwing big crumpled handfuls of the stuff, which packed a bit more of a punch than the drifting flakes, and just about everyone, onstage and in the crowd, got hit by one of the clumps.

Eventually, Flans brought the show back into motion.  He thanked the band, the crew, and the crowd then told us they had a few more songs.  They played Dead, a poignant counterpoint to the beautiful insanity preceding it, with Dan Miller watching from the wings.  At one point he waved to someone in my general section of the crowd, but when I turned around to look, I couldn’t see anyone looking in his direction.  He came back on for Man It’s So Loud In Here, which was introduced as the last song of the night.  They left the stage after that, leaving us to cheer for their return.  You could tell that people were tired.  While the crowd kept up it’s cheering before each encore, a lot of the wild enthusiasm usually present was lacking.

The first encore began with Mrs. Bluebeard, which I’m always happy to hear live.  Dan Miller got the bit he had been so frustrated with in the fall without any problems, and was clearly pleased with himself.  Flans thanked everyone once again and they played Damn Good Times, with Dan wow-ing the crowd with another amazing solo.

Flans, Linnell, and Marty were the only ones returning to the stage for the second encore, soon followed by John Carter and Fresh carrying out the glockenspiel.   Fresh and Marty had another mallet spin-off, with Fresh having improved his game since the Buffalo show, but Marty still the clear victor.  

They played Shoehorn With Teeth, with all due decorum going into the playing of the glockenspiel. Flans forgot which verse he was starting at one point, starting partway into the first line.

After the song was over, Flans told us that they didn’t know where the other tassel was.  Linnell decided that the number of tassels showed how skilled the glockenspiel player was, and that you had tassels removed as you moved up the levels.  Marty, he explained, was a one tassel player, but would eventually have the other tassel removed.  Fresh, back onstage to remove the glockenspiel, made a big show of acting like he was removing the remaining tassel and then ‘changing his mind’ and leaving it.

By then, Dan and Danny had returned to the stage.  Flans told us all that this was the last song “for real now.  Last time we were lying.”

“This is the song we like to do last.”

They played the Mesopotamians, then left the stage for the final time.

As soon as they were gone, Fresh was out onstage, assisting the girl next to me who had lost her glasses over the railing towards the end of the show.  Her efforts to retrieve them had made me feel less than charitable about the whole situation, but it was wonderful how prepared Fresh was to help her.  While Flans, Danny, and Marty were passing out stickers and setlists, Flans even brought over his fan to blow away some of the confetti from the spot and make finding the glasses easier, eventually handing the fan to Fresh so he could continue the search.

I didn’t quite cry leaving, but it was a near thing.  I hope for many more concerts to come, but since have to take a break from my touring habit, this show was a wonderful high note to end on.

[neophix]

Elsword PvP Stereotypes: 2nd Edition

Alright. It’s been a year and a half. Let’s do this again, sure.

Unlike last time, where people salting at me during the match contributed to a large portion of the character stereotype, I only have their gameplay to work off of this season. Mostly. Rage whispers have gone down significantly which honestly is a change that's good for everyone. {Nod nod.}

{Additional commentary by @demos-cloud​ will be in braces}, and my responses to her commentary will be italicized, since I’ve ah. Ranted to her about a lot of these before, and asked her to help proofread.

Elsword: Bullheaded, stubborn, and does not think very far ahead.

This is mostly thanks to the amount that they've built up Elsword's defensive options lately. The changes to Autoguard mean that Knight Emperor doesn't really have to worry even if he gets caught (I've had more games turned around thanks to that than I care to admit). Infinity Stoic is still a thing, not in the least helped by the large number of quick, stoic approaches and normals he has. Melee Elsword gameplay basically rewards LEEROY JENKINS. Rune Masters are surprisingly rare.

Aisha: Still Bullies.

This has always been the case. Though lately I've come to the realization that Aisha, and Void Princess' line in particular, usually stays out of PvP unless she has access to something dangerously close to hacking. Meditate+Trans slot cooldown drops are always popular, but Oz Sorcerer lives and dies depending on whether she can pretend-hack or not (looking at you, Angkor Millions and Shadow Body). Metamorphy's population likewise dropped drastically as soon as they nerfed the stoic on her >>X(Z). {Her damage output was also hit hard by the Impact Zone nerf in PvE.}

Rena: Slime.

There's been a lot of complaining about the changes to the NF system, though honestly it's probably better for PvP-health in the long term. Now, instead of basically being guaranteed to eat 3 cancelled Violent Attacks to the face in the middle of every single combo, you probably only have to worry about it happening once or twice per game. They're still really slippery, thanks in large part to physics bending over backwards around her and >>Z being so fast, though their PvP numbers have taken a drastic drop since the nerf.

Raven:

Basically only the oldest Raven mains are left, a corps of elite veterans who know their character and yours inside and- oh and I guess you have the bandwagon RH horde. {Man the bias is practically dripping out of your mouth here Ketsu.} The majority of my Raven matches are against players who I recognize on sight, though. The canon Raven has certainly been getting spoiled, comparatively speaking, though the fact that KoG nerfed M.Maximum Drive almost immediately is a good sign. RH is still probably the most consequence-free Raven at the moment; he doesn't really have to worry about taking combos because it's extremely likely he'll be able to mash a Spread out and revenge-catch you if there's even the tiniest delay or mistake.

{PvE is full of old, rich, Ravens as well. BMs/FBs especially are the oldest and most funded. Yeah they know their class in and out, but they’re also not above shelling out $200 to +11 that glorious Void weapon. VCs are dead.}

Eve: Nasod Bitch. Runs on money. {はい、はい。}

Eve on the whole is very confrontation-adverse, and all three of her classes avoid direct combat. Good thing for her, too; aside from the Exotic line Eve's combo game is so poor she can barely hold anyone in place on her own. All three Eves have very strong utilities kits which are supposed to come with a weak damage-per-hit ratio, but Eve players are already very strongly conditioned to spoil her rotten. Nobody's ever been accused of spending too little on her, after all. Codes 4v1 and Sariel both just dunk on melee-centric characters, and Ultimate has enough unsafe-cancels and core synergy that you'll be spending more time eating lasers than spears. {Like I’ve been saying for the past four years, Eve’s Core Release system was built for CN. Of course she has the best Core synergy out of all Eves.} Illusion Thorns' debuff field really should not trigger core. Raven's lingering skill effects (grenade fires and smoke clouds) have NEVER triggered his core, and those at least deal damage, but I guess even KoG isn't tired of spoiling Eve just yet. {Maybe it’s because Illusion Thorns’ debuff area only lasts a measly two seconds compared to Raven’s lingering AoEs (dead laugh).} Raven’s lingering AoEs also only last for a couple seconds, too, though. {oh.}

Chung: HERE I GO. {HERE I GO!!}

Hoo boy. Okay. After the absolute Chung dominance in the 1v1 tournament, there's been a significant rise in Chung PvP populations. Sure, Base Chung has Heavy Stance to mitigate being slow and getting caught, but these three basically never have to deal with such puny things as "consequences" and Heavy Stance itself has actually been vanishingly rare. {DC really should not have so many Heavy Stance/stoic opportunities, given that his whole backstory is based around being faster and thus, being less defensive. IP’s ridiculously high attack speed is abnormal and needs to die. Even back in S1 it was a pain to deal with…} Back Blast and Reload are core skills not because of utility or reload, but because they're such hard to deal with panic buttons when strung together. Cannonball management is a total farce. Super spoiled, getting amazing tools and mod skills with each update. A few significant differences between them:

Comet: Basically indestructible. Will not die. A rocket powered turtle who can strike you from anywhere in the map and always has an advantageous position. The new goddess of PvP, stripping Yama Raja of the title. You could just tell that a couple of the tournament finalists were screwing around and winning anyway, and that flagrant disregard for consequences has been adopted by the bandwagoners. {I feel like having one of the IP semifinalists intentionally handicap himself of the class’ best skills, fool around, and still manage a strong victory.. Really says a lot about the class’ current standing.}

Phantom: Homing Ruthless attacks for days. Mod Shooting Star caused a lot of passive ruthless to get stripped, but I guess there was enough of a Chung tantrum that they got it back on base Shooting Star AND in M.Burning Punisher. Could probably win a game blindfolded thanks to all the high-damage homing at his disposal. A non-berserk awakening is so rare you honestly think it's a glitch. {Remember when it was only like a 25% activation chance. lmao.}

Centurret: After a long and arduous process of moderately intelligent cockroaches bashing on keyboards tested every possible configuration, tactics have been finely reduced to "if your dog craps on enough lawns, someone is going to step in it." Instant-hit Grav Shots are far more than any character deserves, especially when they have practically no vertical limit, and whoever approved of this as an Siege mode option should be spaghettified.

Ara:

Lately, the number of Aras who fully depend on the X or ^X loop has gone down. Devi is still incredibly oppressive, able to basically slam their face on the skill bar whenever they're in trouble to turn it around with any one of their many, many incredible utility actives (with skill storage). Shakti populations have been on the rise in comparison, though as a Shakti main myself I can't really comment on any other trends without being... more biased than usual. {Dead in PvE, though very willing to shell out money. More-so than other Ara classes, I find (even Devis, yes!)} Apsaras generally rely way too much on Kite or Suppression and barely have two brain cells to rub together, having godawful combo maintenance outside of the aforementioned X loop, despite Ara's strong kit. {They changed how ZZXX works how else am I supposed to do fancy combos nowwwww} It feels like if they did have any more to work with they would've job changed to Devi by now.

Elesis:

Population is in decline, but still powerful. Empire Sword still has some of the most safe combo maintenance in the game, and it's exceedingly rare for her to make anything remotely resembling a mistake. {The fact that she has such a high DPS ratio in PvP really hurts, what gives.} INJECTION finally got the nerf it deserved and is starting to sound like a word again. Fire Wallsis is still horrifically oppressive if it goes off, however, and reduces many games against her to "play perfectly or die."

Add:

Doom Bringers are vanishingly rare. Dominators basically all spontaneously ceased to exist once Charged Impulsar got nerfed and they realized they'd actually have to try in PvP again. Paradox is, once again, the most popular PvP Add, and for some reason still has an infinite. Purple is the color of bullies, it turns out. {Death to purples.}

Lu: Almost as Leeroy Jenkins as Elsword, but not a large sample to work with.

If the dive that magnetically homes in on targets wasn't enough of a giveaway, Lu's ability to zero in on a target is still very high. Diangelion's switch-attacks have the same bizarre hitboxes and gravity as ever. Lu in general seems to be about throwing giant hitboxes around the map and hoping they hit something, and her combo game is so safe that there really isn't need for precision there, either. {If she can’t hit you with a command normal or a skill, she’ll lag you out with her FPS-killing abilities. Surprisingly not very high up on the whale list, and even lower on the whales-for-fashion list.}

Ciel mains still don't exist. {Nobu would be sad to hear this.}

Rose: Rich, but shallow.

You're basically not even a Rose main if you don't have an 11+, the same way you're basically not a Chung main if you can't get 4+ X-drops in a single launch. {I am apparently no longer a Rose/F. Gunner main. Okay.} Their gameplay shows no personality to speak of, and you'll be fighting the same kind of Rose tactics at Rank C that you will at Star. Despite being the only non-Chung in the 1v1 Finals, Minerva has actually seen something of a population decrease lately. I imagine a lot of players disliked the fact that the player got to finals by using a Freeze Grenade infinite. 

{POs seem like one of the most funded Rose classes, despite being lowtier in both PvP and PvE. About 20% of them have an elitist complex, and another 40% only play her because “OMG MECHA WAIFU”. I’ve only encountered like two POs who acknowledge that she feels and plays nothing like her DFO counterpart, and the fact that I had to argue with a super stubborn NA forumer about this is flat-out stupid. Ah, also. TBs are dead now. Unsurprisingly.}  PvP Rose is actually mostly TB thanks to her pseudo-meditate.

Ain: I was horribly, terribly, no-good very bad wrong about the prediction last time.

PvP Ain is as homogenous across all three paths as Rena: {はい、はい。} Base Ain normals are so strong that the only ones his other classes really use are dives. Otherwise, you can treat all Ains the same. Watch out for airdashes, stomps, Xes, and basically a full kit of backwards melee hitboxes (we got rid of that on the Polar Bear suit for a reason, right? Right??) which are all so strong that, even though the bug has been patched out, Schwert Platzen is still a core PvP skill for all Ains. Bluhen is very rare in PvP, due mostly to the fact that he doesn't have a dive combo. Richter basically plays "The floor is lava" the entire game. The stomp noise is as annoying and stuck in my head as Aisha's "HYA" voice clip now and is a standout among Ain's generally obnoxious sound design. {Maybe if KoG gave us more combo options my fellow Richters wouldn’t have to sink this low.}

his german is off but i appreciate the effort.

[showhohyuk]

which mutuals you would date + why? :D

thanks so much u living fuckin legend ur megamind is showing

also between u and me i’m already dating one of my mutuals yeehaw but also i have so many fuckin uwus to give and i lvoe loving my mutuals so ur basically gonna get an itemized list of why i love all my mutuals so like thanks for this opportunity (also it’s rlly in no particular order and i won’t add some mutuals for fear that they’ll block me and i love them i dont wanna LOSE THEM U KNOW) also i’m only gonna do the top 5 that pop into my head but i still have major uwus for all my mutuals mwah

@kihyussy: swampie no.1 ria is so fucking funny and she really truly always hypes me up and tells people i’m mysterious which is my bulletproof kink now so ! love that ! also she embodies cool fashionable queen and the first time she ever saw my face i was going to applebees and yet she still stuck around so that’s also a bonus?? big fuckin uwus for her??????????

@wontologist: kylie is really funny and sweet and her selfies are always top knotch and she’s literally so unabashedly horny on main which i find supremely admirable for some reason and idk she’s so funny i read her tags and i’m like. i vibe with whatever the fuck her brain cells are pumping out i feel that

@aminhyuk: erin is osososoossoo sweet i don’t talk to her often but she’s so nice and her reactions to my tags always make me laugh for some reason like just knowing she’s showing her solidarity for my incoherence means so much (also we have the same mf bIRTHDAY GEMINI SOLIDARITY UGH UR MIND-) 

@honeymintki: swampie no. 2 alli belongs on this list because i want brownie points and i need to make up for all the stupidity i showed when we first started talking bc GOD i was booboo the fool also she sent me feet pics so if u want some good feet pics go to her... but her mind is beyond galaxy talking to her is always either super strange or sad and theres no in between and idk :/ shes gr8 mwah

@jooheonies: god not 2 show my bias or anything but nawar is. my girlfriend my farmer wife but also a baby. a fucking walnut baby she’s so pretty and funny and smart and intelligent and she really makes my kokoro slam dunk itself thru my ribcage and talking to her is always the highlight of my day i remember a couple weeks ago we skyped at like 3AM and my brain literally exploded shes so nice :((( and sweet and i literally tell her all the time how much i fucking. sarang her or whatever ew but like its true :/ i would say more but i bet all of u r like “SHUT THE FUCK UP” and i’m like. ur right. but i cant stop talking abt her goD anyways lov u baby :3c

[ahntravels]

Day два.

Day 2. Woke up and completely forgot I was in St. Petersburg for a moment. My bed at home is  a queen, and the bed at this hotel is for a tiny person (in fact, I think my bed at ND was larger...) Anyway, I rolled over as per usual, and completely rolled off the bed. 

I never would have thought, in my wildest dreams, I would one day wake up in Russia. Here’s to just pulling the trigger and making it happen. 

Today, as mentioned yesterday, is Hermitage day. I didn’t know what exactly to expect, except all blogs mentioned to a) buy your ticket in advance (online) and b) get there early. The museum opens at 10, and I had planned on getting there at 10, except halfway through the 20 minute walk I realized I forgot my wallet and visa so I had to go walk back to the hotel and then walk back again, basically adding another 30 minutes to my trip. I arrived around 10:30.

I will say, walking up to the Winter Palace (Hermitage) was surreal. It’s HUGE. 

Below is the arch you walk through which reveals the mammoth Palace

I’ve seen Buckingham Palace in London and Versailles in Paris. I will say that they are NOTHING compared to the Hermitage Museum in terms of shear size. It’s kind of crazy that those arches completely conceal the Palace until you start to walk through it. Then you see like...part of the Palace, but it’s not until you walk through the arch that there is this instantaneous reveal. Included in the reveal is the shock of just seeing the Palace in full + the huge size of it spanning your vision across the X-axis + all the blue sky and empty space that just silences you for a moment. 

SIDE NOTE: For whatever stupid, immature reason, every time I think of the “reveal”, I think of that scene from Mario 64 when you’re running towards a photo of the Princess and it turns out to be Bowser. No, I’m not drunk, don’t ask me why I think of these things at the most random times. And yes, I did spend 15 minutes searching for this photo collage. 

Anyway. I am sure the Winter Palace is GORGEOUS during winter. The acoustics of the space when it’s covered in snow must be like...next level. I’m sure St. Petersburg during the winter is amazing. 

If you want a history lesson on the Hermitage, the Hermitage website has a great timeline. Again, as with the other blogs, I’m not going to be going into detail about images of the place or the history of the pieces exhibited. So many other blogs have done it so much better and I’m not going to butcher that. I’ll just mention a few things that stuck out to me, and you can Google around and figure it out.

I will say that if you do visit, I can offer a couple of tips you may want to follow.

1) The map. The map is confusing but not. You’ll just find yourself getting annoyed because, when you know where you are going, the gaggle of tourists and tourist groups will spin you around and suddenly you forget which way is which. Because the museum is HUGE (I saw maybe 1/8th of the museum in 4-5 hours?) you have to prioritize what to see. Keep in mind that, as time elapses, the museum becomes more and more inundated with the dreaded tourist groups, basically making your chances of getting a clear photo of anything nill. 

2) Tourists (a.k.a. the “Boos”). See the map below. The Hermitage has 3 floors. Below is a floor plan of probably the most popular floor, thanks to Mr. da Vinci and many of the decorative palace rooms (amongst other exhibits):

The good thing is that the map kind of pulls out the most famous exhibits and shows you what room they are in. This makes your job of figuring out where you need to go to cross out those items from your bucket list easy. The bad part: The enemy (a.k.a. tourists groups a.k.a. “boos”) also know where these pieces are and are racing as well to find them. The good news: the boos are with tourist groups and have to wait until the tour guide guides them to the room with the exhibit. So, you have time to beat them to it and snag the photo if you are quick. 

Just like in Mario, as time progresses and you aren’t being proactive, more and more of these guys are going to flood the Museum and follow you and clog up the exhibits. So, how do you win? I suggest getting to the museum first thing, then IMMEDIATELY source those famous exhibits, get your photos, then start at the beginning. Most of the tourists are going to be spending a large portion of their time taking photos of the great hall, which leaves you time to sneak past. Case in point:

The line to da Vinci. It was actually way worse a bit earlier when I came around again. I managed to get there early enough and snagged a decent photo:

In general, just like Versailles, the rooms are huge and ornate and absolutely beautiful. I was standing by a window, looking out into the courtyard from what was probably a ballroom in the palace, and thought to myself who else, years ago, was gazing forlornly (or with happiness, or deep in thought) out this same window.

I think that is the most magical part about these palace museums: people LIVED here. People also died here, were executed, fell in love, gave birth, went mad. And when you see relics of those like ridiculous looking Russian uniforms or weird trinkets from decades past, you have to remember that, no, these weren’t fashioned after film props, but film props fashioned after the real living thing. And the real living thing from 100+ years ago is right in front of you. 

It’s pretty spectacular. 

Oh, so this was exciting: The were having a temporary exhibit, and it was REMBRANDT!! Mike! I’m sure you have seen most of these because they sourced the pieces from the Leiden collection...maybe you have seen some of these at the Frick?

Anyway, there was NO PHOTOGRAPHY so I couldn’t really snag photos of pieces specifically. 

I did find myself in a Jean-Baptiste while lost in the French wing:

I didn’t and couldn’t wander the halls for the full 4-5 hours straight. I took a couple of breaks, grabbing a coffee at the cafe for 15 minutes before trying again. I do suggest you break up your visit to the Hermitage into two days; it really is the only way to not feel like your brain is going to explode. 

Afterwards, I took a walk outside by the water behind the Palace. 

Gratuitous selfie. That’ll be two hundred rubles. 

At this point, I had about 2.5 hours to kill before I needed to make my way to the Mariinsky Theater for the performance. So, I did what anyone should do, and that is wander around and picked up a snack to munch on (sorry, no photo of munchies).

There were people painting on the lawn, and I meant to come back and scope out the progress, but became distracted so I didn’t. I did manage to view a live performance (there are performers EVERYWHERE) and I’ll have to post in a separate blog entry because I still can’t figure out how to take the video from my phone and stick it here. 

I stopped at a progressive burger joint (in terms of menu options) for my “snack” (I didn’t eat breakfast despite my large leftovers still sitting in the refrigerator) and ate one of these guys sans burger sauce:

It’s essentially a falafal burger with cucumbers and halved grape tomatoes inside. The bun was my least favorite part (larger in circumference than the patty, which drives me INSANE) so I ditched it angrily. The bun and the burger should be the same size, and the patty should be thicker than each half of the bun. If the top bun is thicker than the patty, the bun is trash. BESIDES THAT ISSUE, the patty was actually really flavorful, and the veggies were (surprise!) slightly pickled. I wasn’t a huge fan of the background of dill I tasted, but that’s fine. The lunch hit the spot and I felt alive again. 

I know, call me a hypocrite for yelling about wasting food and here I am ditching a perfectly good bun. Well, arguably it wasn’t perfectly good, but I did take a bite and decided I much preferred the insides. Whatever. To quote Trump, “Who cares, we won!”

ASHLEY SIDE NOTE: It’s actually been great being overseas, because I have been shielded from all the US politics. However, I did catch a headline today and I mistakenly checked out Trump’s interview and wow...glad I am over here.

Eventually, I made my way to the theater via Uber (there is no Lyft here, and taxis are a little...shady. And slow. And expensive). I will have to comment on Russian driving (or, driving in Russia):

1) It’s nuts. Nuttier than cabbies and NYC driving. Nuttier than driving in France. Probably not nuttier than driving in Vietnam or other places where you are competing with scooters and cars, but it’s still pretty nutty.

2) However, I noticed that they do one thing correctly and without anger that we don’t do in America, and that is merging. In Russia, they utilize the “zipper merge” technique quite patiently and diligently, which, after taking 3 Ubers and cursing under my breath at the “assholes” who merged at the last minute, I realized that this was common and drivers didn’t sweat it. 

“Those apparently rude drivers are putting more of the roadway to use and thus helping speed things along, in much the same way water flows faster through a funnel than through a straw.”

3) There is no bus lane or real lanes in general (I mean, there are lines painted in the road but people disregard them) and cars are just weaving in and out, trying to avoid buses, bikers, etc. And everyone drives stick, so it can get a little rough at times.

Anyway, I manged to get to the theater at the nick of time (traffic is TERRIBLE) and had decent balcony seating:

The Mariiinsky Theater isn’t huge, but the acoustics are really good. The ballet itself was really interesting. Interesting in the sense that this performance, in terms of skill, seemed to be this mix of gracefulness and like...cirque du soleil. I haven’t seen many ballets, but the ones I have seen did not showcase these magnificent bouts of exaggerated athleticism as performed by these dancers (i.e. 360 degree turns ad infinitum, Labron Jamesesque slam dunk vertical leaps, etc). Don’t get me wrong; these dancers are incredible and it was fun to watch them exhibit their unrelenting strength. However, I felt, where the narrative fell short, the shock and awe carried it through.

 I have to be honest and say that I’m not the type to sit through a long, dry opera or ballet, so Le Corsaire broke through any of that fear and was much appreciated. Given we are in the world of #metoo, the plot didn’t really adhere to the moral standard (the narrative is much about the selling of women as slaves, that people of the Middle Eastern ethnicity is less than smart, etc). Yeah, not the best message. However, despite the immature and possibly offensive plot, the artistry was really good...the backgrounds and costumes were beautiful, and the music was moving. I really liked the duo in Act II...I believe it’s the Adagio, but I will have to go back through the soundtrack to figure it out. 

Afterwards, I ate a really light and late dinner and came back to the hotel where I am writing this. It’s past midnight, and I am officially 63 years old!*

Tomorrow, I think i will visit the Faberge museum, then the Anna Akhamatova Museum, then a food market called  the Kuznechny Market where I will try to buy some caviar, THEN bday dinner, then I need to hit the hay because I have a 6AM train out of Russia and into Estonia. I am really feeling sad that my stay in Russia is ending, but excited to see two more countries. 

Until tomorrow!

*I told the waiter today was my birthday, and he said, “Congratulations”. What a curious response. I suppose living is a task, and becoming a year older is like a life promotion.  

[uniformbravo]

“quick” life update while i wait for my ipod to charge

(do ppl even still use ipods in this day & age. whats spotify)

i never made any posts abt it but i started the new semester & im taking 2 classes, it’s funny actually bc i waited even more til the last minute than i usually do to figure out my classes & spent the 1st week of school trying to see a counselor to find out if i still needed classes and that’s a whole other story for a whole other day but long story short the answer was no but i decided to take a couple anyway

mainly because every time im not in school The Depression takes over & i just needed something to Do so im taking intermediate painting (even tho painting 1 made me want 2 die every day) and animation (even tho i’ve already decided i don’t want to be an animator????)

so heres the thing, okay, since these are classes i don’t need in order to fill any requirements or anything i had to pick them based on nothing, really, like my main reason for taking classes this semester was to give myself something to do, right. i picked painting because my friend had told me she was taking it so i was like yo i’ll just do that too bc we had fun last time & it’s a good way to stay in contact. originally that was gonna be my only class bc i knew it’d be a lot of work and time but then i talked to my school’s art counselor about transferring to another school after im graduated from here and i’d said i was maybe interested in storyboarding so we looked at schools with animation programs and i decided super last minute to just take the animation class here and Boy what a mistake

last semester i was talking on here about a computer art class i had considered taking but dropped bc it seemed kinda... shitty?? because i hated the way the teacher taught and i felt like i wasn’t gonna gain anything from the class??? well animation is taught by the same guy and hhhhhhhhh he’s so fucking unhelpful it’s such a nothing class

see i was hoping to learn some hand-drawn animation basics like timing, squash & stretch, the fucking bouncing ball assignment, shit like that, right. the teacher was like “today we’re gonna go over the 12 principles of animation” and i was like “sweet i’ve heard of that this’ll be good” & literally he brought up a list, read off most of the names, briefly described a few, and told us to google it if we wanted more info like?? holy shit dude????? thanks for nothing oh my god

i’ve been taking a lot of time practicing animating in flipnote studio on my 3ds and watching youtube videos and i’ve been learning so much more from that than anything explained by my teacher bc godddd. basically what the class boils down to is like. flash animation. so far we’ve been working in adobe illustrator and animate & i cannot stand illustrator. i know it’s a good and useful program and if i wanted to i could learn how to use it & eventually get used to it but just the way he teaches it makes me want 2 slam dunk my computer

the computer art basics class was strongly recommended to be taken before this class but tbh i don’t even think that’s the issue here because i tried to take that class and his method was the same; he does a demo on screen that you’re supposed to follow along and do with him and he explains what hes doing as he goes but he goes so fast that if u miss a step ur fucked 

and it’s not just that he goes fast, it’s also that theres no understanding of the program itself, like ok u know how in math there’s all these formulas where if u just plug numbers into them it gives u the right answer? i always understood formulas better when i knew what each variable stood for & why the values were being added or multiplied together because then it made it easier to extract the information i needed from word problems and also helped me memorize the formulas themselves easier because i could make those associations between numbers and purpose. i had the groundwork of the formula, so i could apply it to all kinds of situations

this class is like, he only gives you the very specific formulas required to accomplish very specific tasks in the programs so i can’t make the connections to figure out how to perform other tasks and i get super lost every time & it’s super frustrating & i could ask for help because he comes around and helps people who need it but i sit in the back corner so he never really even looks my way so i feel like i can’t get his attention w/o speaking up or getting up to go get him & i get lost so often that it’s really just a pain to ask him every single time

i just hate when i have a problem in one of the programs & i just have absolutely no clue how to fix it or even work around it? im used to photoshop and illustrator is just so opposite that my brain doesn’t want to work with it so im. 100% floundering in this class

we have 2 assignments during the whole semester, the first was a group project where we hand draw a 3-second animation (~30 frames) and that was literally the very first thing we did in the class with no prior guidance and honestly i suspect that the only reason he assigns it is to fill the requirement for a group project (which i know is a thing bc a lot of my past teachers have talked about it being a thing) so it was literally just. a nothing project

the second assignment is our final which is a 90-second animation (~1080 frames) and we have basically the rest of the semester to work on it, so about a month and a half-ish? and all we’ve learned how to do so far is motion tweening in animate, basically. i mean we did a ball-and-string thing which was kind of different but it mostly involved a lot of copy+paste bullshit in illustrator & also like automatic shortcuts & stuff, there was really no drawing involved at all

also it’s one of those classes where everyone just kind of messes around and does their own thing like?? i saw one girl reading manga on her computer & these two dudes at my table were comparing yugioh cards & i hear like 50 thousand conversations about anime every day & i mean im not one to talk tbh but it’s just the atmosphere, it feels like u either know what ur doing or u just fuck around w/ ur friends and im in the “neither of those” category and the girl who was reading manga is in the “both” category bc every other time i’ve looked over there she’s got this amazing masterpiece on her screen that she made in illustrator & i die inside every time what the fuckkc 

he showed us examples of final projects from last semester and i noticed that some of them were done traditionally or in programs that were obviously not illustrator so i asked him about it & he said it doesn’t have to be done in illustrator/animate as long as it’s 90 seconds long so Guess What i think i’m just gonna make it somewhere else lmaooo i mean i feel like it’s a missed opportunity bc i have these programs at my disposal & im not even using them but god amn. god fuckign damn

im thinking of animating it in flipnote bc that’s what i’ve been using & im pretty familiar with it by now but im not sure because there are some important things im not sure i’ll be able to accomplish with it like backgrounds (which are another requirement for the assignment) and i don’t want to back myself into a corner, especially with how little time i have to do it, so idk for sure. my other idea was to use clip studio paint but i have the pro version which only lets u use 24 frames per animation which totals out to a whopping 2 seconds so idk if i want to have to deal with that bullshit either. right now im considering making the rough animation in flipnote so i can figure out the timing & shit and then slapping it into clip studio to finalize everything (or technically i could even do that in photoshop, since im more familiar w/ it & can probably work faster there- from photoshop it’d be a matter of copying the finished frames into clip studio to export into 2-second clips & then compile those in movie maker & then bam finished animation)

so!!! it’s a lot of shit im dealing with in this class & im just like. if im doing it this way then why do i even need to show up for class. what am i even in this class for im just basically making an animation on my own time with my own resources using none of the techniques taught in the class. im only doing this animation because it’s an assignment for the class im not gaining anything from. it just seems so pointless & the only thing getting me through it is the thought that i could possibly put this in a portfolio somewhere down the line, and for that i’d want it to look nice and not rushed so im thinking that for the sake of finishing the assignment i might just use my rough animation so that i can spend more time on the “nice” version afterward

aaaanyway it’s um Late for me & i went on about this for too long but i needed to get it off my chest tbh, i’ve been thinking abt making this post for like 2 weeks so there u go. i didn’t even talk about my painting troubles good lord. if you’ve been wondering why i havent been online as much lately This is why. also bc im a huge loser and 100% of my free time has been going into watching anime bye

[cosmosogler]

hi guys, sorry i didn’t post yesterday. my meds ran out on tuesday and i have been feeling like hot garbage. i did pick them up today though so hopefully i’ll start feeling ok again tomorrow. i also seem to be struggling with the beginning of yet another cold.

i wanted to go to bed 20 minutes ago, but i got distracted by some tv show review videos on youtube. i also can’t seem to put my game down again.

i need to... do... something. anything. i did take wiley out for a walk today, for an hour, because we got hit with a cold front last night and it was pretty nice out. other than being kinda humid, which didn’t feel too great on my stuffy nose with the pollen and everything. 

ehhhh. not a lot going on upstairs the last few days. i was going to take eve out for a walk around the block but after i got wiley inside i was exhausted and still feelin awful. dad said her surgery isn’t actually scheduled, since my uncle seems to have forgotten to call dad back to actually set a date. i should take her out more before she can’t go, but it doesn’t feel right to take her without diogi. i need to make a decision there.

i really, really hope that i’ll start feeling better within a day or two now that i’ve got my meds refilled. i do not like being a useless lump. i so badly didn’t want to deal with people today that i went around the back of the neighborhood mostly, behind the houses rather than in front. 

it’s hard to describe how exactly i’m feeling. it’s definitely a physical thing, but also, i feel dumber than usual. i’ve got a headache and a stuffy nose, but also very little motivation to do things. like eat or sleep or communicate. sleeping is the worst. my mind can’t seem to be bothered to come up with anything to look at dream wise. like man, even my overactive imagination don’t got nothing to say. i guess i can’t always be a horrifying fountain of words. 

i asked dad if he wanted to start watching jojo again tonight after work and he said probably not. he didn’t even come over to say hi to me when he got home. maybe he didn’t enjoy the show as much as i thought he did? maybe he feels like neglecting my interests since i didn’t have the energy to play board games with him the last few weeks? maybe i was just telling myself i didn’t have the energy and should have just tried harder.

that specific phrase keeps popping up again and again, doesn’t it? when it comes up i not only feel intensely inadequate, but i also kind of observe it with a cold detachment. yeah, of course that’s something mom’s always said to me. i wish i could put it out of my mind. you can tell yourself that someone else’s opinion doesn’t matter til the cows come home, but at the end of the day it’s still going to be there. especially when they say it like every day for 24 years. internalization is a strange thing.

i wish i could do the cold detachment thing more, but at the same time, i kind of hate that about myself? i mean, it’s a good way to keep people and feelings at arm’s length, and it’s a nice tool to use to make quick decisions. but at the same time, i feel like it lends itself really well to experiencing people as, i guess, also tools, or complicated machines, instead of the unfathomable, unpredictable beings that they are? or maybe getting the feeling that any person could turn on me at any moment for any reason is a confidence issue? but it happens, like, all the time. people slam dunk me into the garbage like moldy bread for all kinds of reasons, most of which i don’t even have any control over. like my sex drive...

the main thing that makes that, sort of, ruthlessness ugly when i used to be kind of proud of it is that craig used it too. i don’t want to manipulate people... i tell myself it’s different, because i want to help people, but it’s still, the same tactic. you know? but it’s the only thing that let me survive growing up around mom, is learning how to push people around. not physically, but by, like, telling them something and making it sound like their idea. even giving people pep talks or trying to give advice feels uncomfortably like i fancy myself some kind of chessmaster. and... i don’t want to. but do i do it anyway? 

it’s nuts. i can see my self doubt unraveling and dripping all over the words but i can’t do anything about it. i don’t know me. i don’t know what i got. how am i supposed to go anywhere when every step feels like the rug could be pulled out from under me at any time by my own brain? let alone by other people that i have no control over? i know the answer isn’t to have more control, but to let go. but even when i want to let go, and i try to, that doesn’t mean it happens, and i don’t know whether i actually have or not, and that uncertainty in myself kind of... sucks. it really sucks. 

what also sucks is that i probably wouldn’t feel like this if mom wasn’t a total dick. and if craig wasn’t cancerous. and if i wasn’t bullied every day for four years in christian school. i’d probably be a lot happier if that stuff hadn’t happened to me. 

and then i have another fun round of “what is my fault and what isn’t? how far can i get if all i do is push my faults and shortcomings off on other people? i should be stronger than this. if i just tried harder...”

yeah, me too, me. if only.

[tammyhybrid21]

Spirit Animals, Culture and Language

Okay, so first of all, because of how this is a touch button topic, I’m going to put most of this under a read more. Secondly, I am posting this more as a train of thought thing than anything else... so... uh... this might be a bit rambly and/or go around in circles a little bit...

Also, it’s likely to get awkward...

(Oh, and before it comes up... no I’m not even going to poke the book series)

Definition:

First of all, I’m going to start with where my understanding of the term sort of came from. And all that is sort of related to that. So really, this is a bit more personal than anything else. But uh yeah, the first time I really had a concept of “spirit animals” was after watching Balto II: Wolf Quest... Also I was around eight? Nine? Maybe... Also I know now that the term that they actually used in the Balto movies was “spirit guides” but little me only so animals, and the whole association of it started with that... Also, okay, in a smaller way Brother Bear might have given me the same association, even if they were more “totems” in that movie... The whole animal spirits and getting turned into a bear sent my childish brain in another direction...

Still.

My understanding was not just I like this animal but a really, really deep understanding/connection with this animal. Like, I know it’s not that simple but it’s less that you have a fondness for it, but more... this animal is important, maybe recurring and just... there is something about it that resonates. You feel it, you breath it... and, there’s a running theme in your life that just connects you to this animal.

Of course this was all before I had the internet, hell I was still a bitty bab in Primary School reading McGrowl books at that stage... But anyway. I just knew that “spirit animals” were important and just... welp.

Now... I’m not entirely clear on what they really are to their original culture... but this is stuff that I on my own as a child felt and understood about animals and spiritual connections with them.

Culture & Language:

So... here’s where I am likely going to trip myself up and just, slam dunk into a prat fall or something. But anyway, the issue here is Culture, Cultural Appropriation and Language issues. Because well, it’s that just how things go.

The biggest thing is that apparently using the term is “cultural appropriation” but which culture exactly, people say Native Americans... but uh... which group of Native Americans? No seriously... which culture? Because that’s something that you need to understand. You can’t just lump them all together when each group has their own unique culture... I mean it’s the same here in Australia, each group of Aborigines have their own unique tales and traditions passed down, and it’s the same with the Native Americans right so...

You kind of need to know which specific group you’re supposedly stealing it from first to understand how it’s inappropriate right?

Also, there is language here. I actually don’t have any direct correlations here but. I kind of imagine it much like how people treat specific celebrations when someone is coming of age, or transitioning into an adult. I mean you wouldn’t call it a Quinceañera, or a Bar Mitzvah... or what had you... Since those have specific cultures attached to them... and yeah. Although yeah, this isn’t really the same but...

I think that you kind of get my point.

But anyway. Spirit Animal is the English version of something right? And when it comes to language and translation, and things like this. Something is always just lost, or changed, or just... I don’t know... it just becomes confusing. And I don’t know what to say about it...

But really the issue here is...

Cultural Appropriation: What EVEN Matters?

No, seriously. What matters, what counts? Where is the point where the lines in the sand are drawn? What is safe to do any play with, and what is really a huge issue?

No but really, the clearest definition for the term that I can find is this:

the act of taking or using things from a culture that is not your own, especially without showing that you understand or respect this culture

Okay..?

But still, that’s kind of vague, I mean. Alright. It’s taking something from a culture not of your own. So is it enjoying food that you have never tried before while in another country? Or when offered some by a friend/associate belonging to another culture. Even if you don’t understand it? Is it wearing an outfit belonging to another culture without fully understanding the significance, but you like that clothing because of its colours and theme? Or what?

I mean, I suppose yeah, one of those things feels really egregious... but still.

There was an older post that I can remember that described the issue as something like this.

So you see a shirt with a band logo, you’re not familiar with the band, or maybe you don’t even really like them, but you really like the shirt, and perhaps even the logo itself. So you buy it because it’s something that you like. Later while out and about and wearing the shirt you might run into someone who listens to and enjoys that band’s music, they may ask you what’s your favourite song/album is from the band. Since you’re not a fan you say “Oh, I’ve never really listened to them...” and the fan gets really upset and demands that you go back to the shop and take the shirt back since you’re not a fan and therefore shouldn’t just wear the band’s paraphernalia...

After all it’s ONLY for the fans!

Quick question, does anyone else get the sensation of childishness from that? Or is it just me?

No but seriously, stuff like that is childish. Really, really childish, and also feels somewhat like the whole division in fandoms about true fans VS false fans... like “Oh you’ve never watched this series so you can’t be a true fan! You could never understand” levels of childish whining. Except that it’s not with fandoms and bands, or whatnot, but with culture. Clothing and words, things that you use and do... and it’s bewildering.

Especially here, when it feels a lot more like it’s about power... Or really the lack of power. But still. I don’t get it.

Vague meanings are vague and it ultimately just feels like a child screaming into the void about how it’s theirs because they thought of it first.

Especially with this, because it’s a vague concept even of itself. Sprit Animal on its own just kind of... well it could mean a lot of things depending on what comes to your mind... although, that said. It’s more common use as, oh hey I like this thing, and feel connected to it is a bit... eh... Since it feels like it should only be for animals you know. But ymmv.

Although really the issue here is more about RACISM if you stop to think about it. Since really it comes up, and is an issue when it’s popularized by those who have society on their side. But is the cultural exchange here the problem? Will stopping people who don’t understand what’s wrong from enjoying the customs that they want to learn... I mean seriously, cultures grow and develop by exchanging with one another. The issue is more about how it’s used to then turn around and mock those who aren’t... well... uh...

White

I mean seriously. White People take a concept, popularize it, and they view it as cool when it’s done by other white people, and then mock the cultures and people they’ve taken it from. THAT’S THE REAL PROBLEM, Whether it’s alright for people who don’t understand to do it is really a moot point. The real issue is the double standards of all these terms and styles and just... eh.

I don’t even know what to say about it.

Also... screaming “CULTURAL APPROPRIATION YOU CAN’T DO THIS BECAUSE IT BELONGS TO US!” feels well... not very good. Who gave you random person the right to speak for your entire culture... and more than that, again, a sense of childishness.

Conclusion:

People can discourse about anything, and I personally don’t see why Spirit Animals are such a hot button topic.

Still I can kind of understand where some of it is coming from so...

I don’t even know... but here are a few of my alternative terms that I use in reference to things... since I can be eh and weird... and just neh:

Soul Animal

Spirit Creature

Theme Animal

Inner Animal

Resonate Animal

But anyway... I will probably still use the term because really. The whole thing with Cultural Appropriation, and the issue is... it’s just... childish. Like children screaming about how they thought of it first, so others can’t copy them and their idea...

Also...

For anyone curious. I have only ever called three different animal species my spirit animals... and I will not share what they were because really, I think that I’ve quite thoroughly gone in enough circles... and made a fool of myself.