#april does the camino

[aprillikesthings]

OKay so what I came here to post about is that while ONE trip to another country is just going to that country, now that I've done TWO international trips everyone (including myself) sees me as A Person Who Travels and I keep getting asked where I'm going next

And on the one hand it's a weird question, because both previous trips were just--

Iceland: Icelandair advertised a huge discount on direct flights on my facebook wall and made a thirty-year dream suddenly seem possible

Spain: I saw like an article? somewhere? about the Camino, read one memoir, then suddenly had a new hyperfixation and I proceeded to read fifteen more (barely exaggerated y'all) and watched a bunch of youtube videos and then asked for the time off and started training

So in neither case was it like, "oh where do I want to travel," it was like "the need to go to this specific place is suddenly consuming my life"

But on the other hand, I mean, I'm kinda thinking England a year from now? But those plans are REALLY hazy past like, "lol the British Museum has an Ea Nasir tablet gotta get a selfie with it" and "I hear Durham cathedral is gorgeous" and "Norwich is a short train ride from London and then I can visit sites associated with Julian of Norwich!!--what do you MEAN there's a three-day pilgrimage route to Walsingham??? 👀" (what can I say I'm a sucker for pilgrimages now)

TBH I just want someone else to arrange one of those multi-day bus tours of churches/cathedrals in England but for LGBT+ Anglicans!! Someone get on this!! (Jay Hulme has other things to do or he'd be perfect for it. God knows some of the churches on my list are because of his photos.)

Anyway.

I have to keep reminding myself that Spain is a huge outlier in Europe for being so inexpensive on a daily basis, plus being a pilgrim means my daily costs were literally food/bed in a hostel/a few euro for church donation boxes.

And I get that Iceland is well-known to be on the opposite end of that scale, but it still boggles the mind to compare them (all approximate):

Iceland for eight days

Flight: $500 Guesthouse room: $700 A few bus day tours + Blue Lagoon + bus to and from airport: uhhhh I think like $400 added up? Daily expenses of food/museums/souvenirs for eight days: $50/day on average, so another $400?

Total: $2,000

Spain:

Flight (into Paris, out of Lisbon) + insurance: $800 Daily cost, including hostels, food, souvenirs, sightseeing: averaged about $50 a day for 42 days total, so about $2100 Add another $100 for train/bus tickets (...I think it was more than that)

Total: $3,000

NINE DAYS in Iceland versus FORTY TWO days in (mostly) Spain.

(Okay, this is admittedly ignoring the fact that 1. I had to buy things I didn't already own for my Camino, like a backpacking backpack and a summer weight sleeping bag and TWO pairs of pricey hiking boots; OR 2. that I absolutely spent like $1,000 on physical therapy while training for the trip.)

They are just such wildly different countries. Museums in Iceland were all (US) $15-25. The cathedral's museum in Santiago (where I spent at least as much time as any of the museums in Iceland) was normally €7 but I got a discount for being a pilgrim. I think I paid €4, which is like $4.30.

Anyway none of this is about whether or not England is expensive, but I do assume it's closer to the Iceland end of things.

Especially since it's one thing to stay in hostels the whole time when you're on pilgrimage and everyone else at the hostel is too and everyone is in bed by 10pm because you're all exhausted. (Also because that's when they all lock their doors. No, really.) It's another thing to stay in a hostel in like...London. But the alternatives escalate in cost rather rapidly, especially when you're traveling alone. Oof.

ANYWAY ALSO the fact that I can afford to travel AT ALL is like 90% due to my having cheap-ass rent, no car, no kids, no student loans, and all my healthcare issues being relatively inexpensive. I've worked the same meh-paying job long enough for my hourly wage to double and to have fuck-tons of PTO. I'm 43 and I live in a run-down townhouse with three other adults and most of my furniture is all ten-year-old Ikea and I don't eat at restaurants hardly ever.

Any one part of my life could change and I would never be able to afford to do this kind of shit again.

Which is why I'm doing it now.

[aminocamino]

Day 18 - 27 April Burgos to Hornillos del Camino 21.5km and 127m

We ate in the restaurant round the corner last night and met up with Carol again. The meal was ok but I am getting abit tired of the pilgrim fare. They serve alot of carbs which neither Carrie nor I are used to.

In our apartment we had washed a second lot of clothes and disappointingly the heating did not come on, none of my efforts with the controls worked. (Pete where are you?)! But somehow the clothes dried by the morning.

We had decided to transfer bags just to give our bodies another rest day. Its a short one (when is over 12 miles short - answer - on the Camino!) and we dropped the bags off at the hotel along with our key.

We feel lucky - its our first day of rain! We decided to have breakfast at the hotel. And it was the worst frittata so far. Dry and horrible. Good Carrie forced hers down but I was the naughty child and left most of mine.

This is our kitty purse - abit small but very pretty (thank you Meg!). Carrie does a marvellous job as holder of the purse!

We passed the beautiful Burgos University buildings on the way out of Burgos.

Just love some of the depictions of Pilgrims along the way. This was one of my favourites. We also encounter alot of art work on buildings, most of it stunning.

Love this photo of Carrie in her poncho. It tested her patience though. She couldn’t access her daypack and there was abit of a contortionist thing going on at one point. She has reached the momentous decision that she needs to wear her daypack over it!

Carrie’s favourite (and possibly mine) church so far. It was a very simple building but inside they were playing choral music. As each pilgrim went in the nun gave an individual blessing and a small St Christopher pendant. As she gave her blessing she was such a humble person and so warm - my eyes did well up. Carrie went up for hers having extracted her certificate from her daypack and came back dabbing her eyes. We sat for a little while. On the way out I could see everyone was similar. It was very moving.

The Meseta - we were so looking forward to it. Endless rolling fields of green, so beautiful. After the blessing experience we were very quiet walking through the Meseta. The landscape does have a tranquil spiritual quality about it.

We entered Hornillos del Camino at 1pm. A female pilgrim had turned up to a hostel to find it had closed down and her luggage she had transferred was missing. I advised her to ring the company and find out where it had been delivered. I can only think she did not prebook the accommodation. Carrie deals with our backpack transfer and does it online and always photos the little envelopes before we leave. I hope the lady was ok.

We are in a mixed dormitory but no bunk beds. Its quite cramped with very little room between each bed. There are 5 lockers and 7 beds… so make of that what you will!

After a quick lunch (hot dog with cheese 😄) I had to reschedule our itinerary again as I messed up one of the dates. Grrrrr! All sorted but having problems with accommodation for 2 dates in May, might have to stay out of town. Sometimes a good thing.

Now off for some paella.

Postscript:

The paella was amazing and I would have been pleased to have been served it in any restaurant whereas I was in a tiny little bar in a town in the middle of nowhere. Carrie by the way wanted a flavour of home so had egg and chips and it did look delicious!

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Red Team Blues Chapter One, part two

My next novel, Red Team Blues, comes out on April 25. It’s an “anti-finance finance thriller,” a read-it-in-one-sitting thriller about a 67-year-old forensic accountant who gets embroiled in a deadly and violent cryptocurrency heist:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865847/red-team-blues

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/18/cursed-are-the-sausagemakers/#henched

To whet your appetite for it, I’m serializing chapter one, where we meet Marty Hench, and get introduced to the one last job that he needs to do to finish his 40 year career as Silicon Valley’s best high-tech forensic accountant.

Today, I’m publishing part two. Here’s the previous installment:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/17/have-you-tried-not-spying/#unsalted-hash

Here’s where US readers can pre-order the book:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865847/red-team-blues

Here’s pre-orders for Canadians:

https://services.raincoast.com/scripts/b2b.wsc/featured?hh_isbn=9781250865847&ht_orig_from=raincoast

And for readers in the UK and the rest of the Commonwealth:

https://uk.bookshop.org/p/books/red-team-blues-cory-doctorow/7225998?ean=9781804547755

And now, here’s today’s serial installment:

The Camino Real had excellent security, as well as all the amenities: a pool, a gym, and a set of spring-­loaded seismic dampers set deep into the bedrock that turned the whole place into a bouncy castle whenever the San Andreas Fault got a touch of indigestion.

It was steps to California Avenue and five Michelin-star restaurants — ­one with three stars, two with two — ­and it cost him eight million, plus furnishings, which Sethu oversaw, going all in on Danish woods for a midcentury modern feel that went great with the rooftop garden that came with the penthouse unit. Sethu got him interested in trying all that Michelin star food, a far cry from ramen and slightly irregular breakfast cereals, and from there, it was the chefs’ tables, and then the private cooking classes, and then a major reno to the penthouse to fit it out with a kitchen that would have made Heston Blumenthal gasp and twirl.

They spent the month that the renos took in an exclusive lodge near a slightly active Costa Rican volcano, checking out the bromeliads and howler monkeys. He came back bronzed and fit from all that volcano hiking and became one of the great chefs of the new aristocracy, even pulling out the old alt.gourmand posts from the prehistory of Usenet. I don’t know when they became a couple, but I imagine it was a natural thing. Danny had a big heart, and he’d loved Galit with all of it, and with Galit gone and Danny still around, his heart wasn’t going to sit idly. Sethu is beautiful and brilliant and good at what she does, and those were all the traits that attracted Danny to Galit in the first place. The Camino Real’s security gave me the twice-­over and then emitted me. The elevator doors gave a sophisticated sigh and welcomed me in, and the buttonless panel lit up PH, and my blood pooled a little in my feet as I attained liftoff.

Danny looked at least ten years younger than the last time I’d seen him, craggy but handsome, and the pounds he’d put on had only filled him out so he wasn’t such an ectomorphic scarecrow. He’d definitely been hitting the kettlebells, too, and his tight Japanese tee clung just enough that I could see he’d gotten some definition in his pecs and biceps. That’s hard muscle to acquire once you hit your fifties. Someone had been making Danny put in his reps.

Danny’s an intense guy who believed so fiercely in the significance and beauty and urgency of cryptography that he could easily captivate a roomful of people with an impromptu lecture on the subject, and he would not relinquish that hold until they all had to leave. He wasn’t a bore, but he wasn’t exactly normal, and yet as far as I knew, everyone who’d ever become personally acquainted with him liked him. A lot.

“Well, you don’t look like a man who got through a prix fixe at the Palmier. Even with the flights, you shouldn’t be that bilious, Mart. What’d you do, stop for Oreos on the way back to your double-­wide?”

I let this pour over me as he showed me into the foyer and I shucked my scuffed old loafers, the ones I saved for personal days when I didn’t have to impress a client. “First of all, Lazer, the Unsalted Hash is a forty-­foot, state-­of-­the-­art touring bus with seven feet of internal clearance, an induction range, a deep freeze, and a sound system that can set off car alarms for a block. It is not a double-­wide.

“Secondly, the Palmier was great, and I didn’t get the prix fixe — ­I got a taster at the chef’s table with a friend, and we stayed up later than we should have, and I still managed to drag myself here for a business conference at this unholy hour. I’m running on three hours’ sleep and digesting a good three-­ thousand-­calorie dinner, is all.

“Finally, I don’t stop for Oreos, ever. I have a supply of 1995-­vintage Hydroxes in one of the deep freezes. The original recipe contains all those great trans fats that make for excellent long-­term frozen flavor and texture retention. I would offer you a package, but I won’t, because they are mine, and I treasure them beyond all reason and plan to make my stash last until I can no longer consume solid food, whereupon I plan to consume the balance in smoothie form.”

He took my shoes and tossed them into a closet and slammed the door, making a face, then burst out laughing and grabbed me in a bear hug that reminded me of those new biceps of his. “Man, it’s good to see you, Marty. Come in, come in. We’ll go out onto the roof.”

I got a quick tour of a lot of teak and curves and angles, like a set dresser had been given an unlimited budget to decorate the boss’s office on a midcentury period drama. Then he opened a sliding door out onto the roof-­deck, which had some very nice landscaping and potted shrubs, a meandering stream patrolled by fat koi and fed by a two-­foot waterfall, some comfortable-­ looking and elegant teak loungers, and Sethu.

She had an easel set up and was painting in oils, an impressionistic landscape of Palo Alto’s nimbified one-­family houses and dinky main street. It was a couple of billion dollars’ worth of real estate dressed up as middle-­class houses from the same midcentury dreamland as the furnishings in the living room. She turned and saw us and narrowed her eyes, just a tiny amount, before cleaning her brushes and hanging up her smock on the easel’s corner.

“Hi, hon,” she said. “This must be your friend Mr. Hench.” Danny beamed at her, an expression I remembered from his most successful demos, that prideful look he got when his code performed some miracle. “Marty, I don’t know if you ever met Sethu, back in the old days.”

“I don’t know that we were ever introduced properly,” I said. She’d let me in, once or twice, when I’d come by to see if I could pull Danny out of his tailspin. But she’d been his PA then.

“Well, in that case, Sethuramani Lazer, meet Martin Hench. Marty, meet Sethu.”

I’m pretty sure my facial expression didn’t change when he dropped that last name on me. I’d already noticed the rock on her finger, of course — ­a bachelor of my age and experience takes note of these things automatically, without conscious intervention. I’m pretty sure what Danny said next was that same pride speaking, not a failure of my poker face.

“Married her last year. Or rather, she married me, despite being significantly out of my league.”

“Lucky fella,” I said. “Congrats to both of you.”

He got us settled into loungers, and Sethu mentioned that she was going in for lemonade and offered us some. She brought it out in sweating tall glasses with silicone straws and then went back to her easel, far enough away that it wouldn’t seem odd not to include her in our conversation.

I sipped as Danny scrolled his phone for a moment, double-­checked his notes, and took Sethu in. She was beautiful, of course, but I’d known that since I’d first met her at the door of that teardown that Danny had settled into as his final resting place. Now, though, she had the kind of haircut that some very bright topiarist had charged her at least a thousand bucks for, and with it, the kind of poise I associate with very beautiful, very accomplished women who are also very, very rich. Something in the posture, a kind of deep relaxation that you rarely see. Having a very deep cash buffer can give a woman the same tranquility as any middling specimen of manhood gets for free, the liberation from casual predation that men don’t even notice.

Danny put his phone down at last. “So I hear you did some work recently? Bonwick. Rearden Factoring?”

I nodded. “Yeah, Brian and I did some business, but it’s not the kind of thing I can discuss. You know that. He lost something, I found it, and I made him whole.” He snorted. “Marty, you don’t make people whole. Your commission still twenty-­five percent?”

“It is,” I said. “And I still don’t charge anything to take a job, not even expenses or a retainer. I take the risk, I get the reward. That’s a proposition I think you probably relate to.”

“I’m familiar with the general idea.” He looked around at his penthouse garden, his beautiful young wife, his view of the strivers of Palo Alto and their Leave It to Beaver houses, all a testament to his willingness to take all the risk and his unwillingness to share his rewards. “You ever take payment in crypto?”

“I prefer fiat” — ­this being the cutesy word that crypto weirdos use for real money — ­“I have smart accountants who keep my tax bite down to a manageable slice, and I’ve got no other reason to accept distributed sudoku puzzles in lieu of greenbacks.”

“Very funny,” he said. Cryptocurrency hustlers hate it when you point out that the whole blockchain emits billions of tons of CO2 to help repeatedly compute pointless mathematical puzzles. “You’re familiar with how crypto works, though, right?”

“Danny, I love you like a brother, but I hope I’m not about to get a sales pitch for Trustlesscoin.” The only sour note in the previous night’s dinner had been a couple of bros at the chef’s table who spent the first hour talking about smart contracts. It was a hazard of any public space in SV, and I accepted it with good grace, but I wouldn’t tolerate it in private places. Life is too short.

“No pitch, but I just want to make sure you’re up to speed for what I’m going to tell you next. Forensic accounting is one thing, but when you throw in crypto, it’s a whole different world.”

Later this week (Apr 20/21), I’m speaking in Chicago at the Stigler Center’s Antitrust and Competition Conference.

This weekend (Apr 22/23), I’m at the LA Times Festival of Books.

[Image ID: A squared-off version of Will Staehle's cover for the Macmillan edition of 'Red Team Blues.']

[lovahopie]

Well I'm in Cars brainrot again. Now everyone gets to suffer with my ocs. These are the boys only. I got a lot. And yes they are all children of WGP racers. Sue me.

Valentino Shimada

Age: 18

Birthday: January 16

Zodiac sign: Capricorn

Nationality: Japanese

Ethnicity: Italian

Appearance: Black hair, blue eyes, tan skin

Height: 6'2

Mother: Elisa Shimada

Father: Francesco Bernoulli

Sibling(s): Alessa Shimada (younger twin sister)

Friend(s): Katashi Todoroki, Alessa Alessa Shimada, Sabrina Todoroki, Daria Clutchgoneski, Emmie Schnell, Rolf Schnell, James Gearsley, Nicolas Caroule, Andrés Camino, Sarah Revington, Jessica Gorvette, eventually Landon McQueen

Closest friend: Katashi Todoroki

Crush or Partner: N/A

Personality: Comes off as cold at first, protective, quiet, tends to be a loner, shy

Where they live: Osaka, Japan

Background: From a young age, Valentino was very protective of his mother and sister. He felt like he had to since his father was not in the picture. It took one very long conversation from Shu Todoroki to make Valentino stop being so protective or standoffish. He is still protective, but not as bad. Like Alessa, Valentino grew up being close to the Todoroki family. Shu would take Valentino and Katashi down to the race track and let them watch Shu as he practiced. Because of that, Valentino has a deep love for racing.

Katashi Todoroki

Age: 18

Birthday: March 14

Zodiac sign: Pisces

Nationality: Japanese

Ethnicity: Japanese and Brazilian

Appearance: semi wavy black hair, brown eyes, pale skin

Height: 6'1

Mother: Carla Veloso (married surname Todoroki)

Father: Shu Todoroki

Sibling(s): Sabrina Todoroki (younger twin sister)

Friend(s): Valentino Shimada, Sabrina Todoroki, Alessa Shimada, Daria Clutchgoneski, Emmie Schnell, Rolf Schnell, James Gearsley, Nicolas Caroule, Andrés Camino, Jessica Gorvette, eventually Landon McQueen

Closest friend: Valentino Shimada

Crush or Partner: N/A

Personality: Tends to keep to himself, tries to help out wherever he is needed, tends to stay up late into the night, is loyal to his friends, kind

Where they live: Osaka, Japan

Background: Katashi had a very calm and normal childhood thanks to his parents. He did both karate and football growing up. He and Valentino would watch his father practice down at the race track. Katashi is an introvert to a T like his father is, but he knew how to have fun like his mother.

Andrés Camino

Age: 18

Birthday: April 7th

Zodiac sign: Aries

Nationality: Spanish

Ethnicity: Spanish

Appearance: Wavy brown hair, hazel eyes, tan skin

Height: 6'2

Mother: Regina Camino

Father: Miguel Camino

Sibling(s): None

Friend(s): Valentino Shimada, Katashi Todoroki, Sabrina Todoroki, Nicolas Caroule, James Gearsley, Rolf Schnell, Emmie Schnell, Sarah Revington, Jessica Gorvette, Alessa Shimada, Landon McQueen

Closest friend: Nicolas Caroule

Crush or Partner: Emmie Schnell (crush)

Personality: Calm, easy going, caring, humble, considerate, massive flirt

Where they live: Madrid, Spain

Background: Like his father, Andrés was a heartbreaker from a young age. Being the son of two very famous people, Andrés was used to all the attention. His mother was and still is a famous supermodel. Even though she got pregnant with Andrés that didn't stop her from doing her job. She even started a movement to have more inclusivity in the modeling world. Andrés inspires to be as great as his mother is. But that does not mean he does not have a good relationship with his father. Andrés and his father are very close as well, even though Andrés isn't the biggest fan of racing. Andrés is hellbent to make Emmie happy, or, at the very least, smile.

Nicolas Caroule

Age: 17

Birthday: March 31

Zodiac sign: Aries

Nationality: French

Ethnicity: French and Dutch

Appearance: Black hair, blue eyes, pale skin

Height: 6'0

Mother: Senna Caroule

Father: Raoul Caroule

Sibling(s): None

Friend(s): Andrés Camino, James Gearsley, Rolf Schnell, Valentino Shimada, Katashi Todoroki, Sarah Revington, Jessica Gorvette, Alessa Shimada, Sabrina Todoroki, Daria Clutchgoneski, Emmie Schnell, Landon McQueen

Closest friend: Andrés Camino

Crush or Partner: Daria Clutchgoneski (partner)

Personality: Easy-going, a mild prankster, decent at cracking jokes, has no filter, life of the party

Where they live: Marseille, France

Background: There is a very good reason why Nicolas is an only child. He is the perfect poster child for ADHD. Granted, his father could also take that title as well. Nicolas was a very loved and cherished child, but his parents didn't want to go through that rollercoaster again. Because Nicolas was a hyper child, he was put into a lot of after school sports. Ironically, he is now in a very loving relationship with one of the calmest people; Daria.

James Gearsley

Age: 19

Birthday: December 27

Zodiac sign: Capricorn

Nationality: British

Ethnicity: English and Welsh

Appearance: Blond hair, brown eyes, tan skin

Height: 6'3

Mother: Bryce Gearsley

Father: Nigel Gearsley

Sibling(s): None

Friend(s): Rolf Schnell, Valentino Shimada, Katashi Todoroki, Nicolas Caroule, Andrés Camino, Emmie Schnell, Sarah Revington, Jessica Gorvette, Alessa Shimada, Sabrina Todoroki, Daria Clutchgoneski, eventually Landon McQueen

Closest friend: Rolf Schnell

Crush or Partner: Sarah Revington (crush)

Personality: Cold, calculated, stoic, aloof, distant, calm, quiet, intelligent, old soul

Where they live: London, England

Background: James is a carbon copy of his father. Proper to hell and back. He is as intelligent as his father as well. Which is why it is so jarring when people find out that his mother is a fun loving, fist fighting, drinking out the tavern and not be tipsy Welsh woman. James still doesn't know how his parents got together. But like his mother, James can hold his drink. James grew up with the other WGP kids. And he finds just about all of them, especially Nicolas, annoying.

Rolf Schnell

Age: 19

Birthday: May 1st

Zodiac sign: Taurus

Nationality: German

Ethnicity: German and Danish

Appearance: Red hair, blue eyes (left) gray eyes (right), pale skin

Height: 6'4

Mother: Zoey Schnell

Father: Sebastian "Max" Schnell

Sibling(s): Emmie Schnell (younger sister)

Friends: James Gearsley, Valentino Shimada, Katashi Todoroki, Nicolas Caroule, Andrés Camino, Emmie Schnell, Sarah Revington, Jessica Gorvette, Alessa Shimada, Sabrina Todoroki, Daria Clutchgoneski, eventually Landon McQueen

Closest friend: James Gearsley

Crush or Partner: Rebecca Heinz (partner)

Personality: Pessimistic, cold, calculated, aloof, hates people in general, likes about 4 people, massive grump

Where they live: Berlin, Germany

Background: Many people wonder why Rolf's eyes are the way that they are. When he was 4, he had an accident and fell down the stairs. His parents immediately rushed him to the hospital. Rolf lost most of his sight in his right eye and he lost his hearing in his right ear. Since then, he has to wear an earpiece to hear on his right side. When his father had his crash, Rolf did a better job handling his emotions. Rolf hates how his sister is so distant from their father. So ironically, he is the one annoying his sister just to see a smile on her face. He is in a loving relationship with his girlfriend Rebecca, who isn't in the racing world like everyone else is.

Landon McQueen

Age: 19

Birthday: April 17

Zodiac sign: Aries

Nationality: American

Ethnicity: Mainly of Irish and Germanic descent

Appearance: Ash-blonde hair, blue eyes, light tan skin

Height: 6'1

Mother: Sally McQueen

Father: Montgomery "Lightning" McQueen

Sibling(s): Abby McQueen (younger sister), Blake McQueen (younger brother)

Friend(s): Jessica Gorvette, Nicolas Caroule, Andrés Camino, Sarah Revington, eventually everyone else

Closest friend: Jessica Gorvette

Crush or Partner: Alessa Shimada (crush)

Personality: Cocky, full of himself, can be a bit of a jerk, cares about the people close to him

Where they live: Radiator Springs, Arizona, USA

Background: Landon is his father's worst nightmare. He is exactly like how his father was when he was Landon's age. Landon hasn't broken the law yet. Yet being the key word here. So Landon's father is making Landon work for his pit crew so that the boy learns some responsibility. Landon's mother is all for that idea. And as much as Landon teases Alessa, he is actually forming feelings for her. Although she just wants to punch him in the face.

Blake McQueen

Age: 5

Birthday: November 30

Zodiac sign: Sagittarius

Nationality: American

Ethnicity: Mainly of Irish and Germanic descent

Appearance: Light brown hair, blue eyes, light tan skin

Height: 3'6

Mother: Sally McQueen

Father: Montgomery "Lightning" McQueen

Sibling(s): Landon McQueen (older brother), Abby McQueen (older sister)

Friend(s): Yevgeny Petrov, Alma Rojas, Macy Winterbumper

Closest friend: All his friends

Personality: Curious, sweet, cuddly, creative, outgoing, loves his parents (mainly mom), happy all the time

Where they live: Radiator Springs, Arizona, USA

Background: He's five. There isn't much that he has for a back story. But he was a NICU baby. So he is a little more spoiled than his older siblings. He is his father's biggest fan, which is hard to be with his Uncle Mater in the conversation.

Santiago Rojas

Age: 14

Birthday: June 16

Zodiac sign: Gemini

Nationality: Mexican

Ethnicity: Mexican and Guatemalan

Appearance: Black curly hair, dark brown eyes, dark tan skin

Height: 5'6

Mother: Gabriela Rojas

Father: Memo Rojas Jr

Sibling(s): Alma Rojas (younger sister)

Friend(s): Abby McQueen, Ling Ge, Pedro Hernandez

Closest friend: Pedro Hernandez (from school)

Crush or Partner: Abby McQueen (crush)

Personality: Calm, quiet, friendly, caring, the therapist of his friends, meek, shy, is scary if pushed too far

Where they live: Mexico City, Mexico

Background: Santiago is a much softer soul than his little sister is. Instead of being interested in more rowdy and loud things like his family is, Santiago rather go around and take photos of things he sees. Because of his more calm hobbies, his parents, especially his father, don't know how to connect with him. Santiago also doesn't have the best relationship with his sister Alma. She can be too rough for his liking. Ling, Pedro and Abby are a lot calmer than his family, which is why he is close friends with them.

Yevgeny Petrov

Age: 6

Birthday: April 30

Zodiac sign: Taurus

Nationality: Russian

Ethnicity: Russian and Finnish

Appearance: Light blond curly hair, light blue eyes, pale skin

Height: 3'7

Mother: Esteri Petrov

Father: Vitaly Petrov

Sibling(s): None

Friend(s): Blake McQueen, Macy Winterbumper, Alma Rojas

Closest friend: Blake McQueen

Personality: Shy, reserved, a bit cold, likes a few people, hates loud noises, intelligent

Where they live: Vyborg, Russia

Background: Being an only child, Yevgeny had to learn how to play by himself. His parents were very busy people, but that doesn't mean that Yevgeny didn't receive any love. Yevgeny is fascinated by just about anything. He does find Blame slightly annoying, but he does care about Blake.

[night-at-the-musian]

The Official Heavenverse Rundown

With heaven’s canon complete, I thought I’d make this post for those who are discovering it for the first time.

Part One: Description

i’m afraid i’ll go to heaven is a series I made between 27 November 2022 and 5 April 2023 for the Night at the Museum fandom. In it, Jedediah and Octavius die in Pompeii and undergo a spiritual journey while the living members mourn.

The Heavenverse is the universe that the series takes place in. Here, death is inevitable, and only the beginning of a spiritual dissection of what truly matters to you.

The characters affected by the Tablet’s magic, no matter their faith, are subject to the Ancient Egyptian judgement process.

Themes include religious trauma, body horror, dedication, faith, and choosing humanity over divinity. While the majority of it is non-explicit, one chapter is, and a proper warning is given beforehand.

Part Two: Reading Order

Part One - i don’t want to live forever Part Two - whatever’s waiting on the other side Part Three - i think that me and mine will be alright Part Four - i don’t wanna go to heaven mournful camaraderie [This story takes place between Part Four and the Epilogue.] heaven side stories [These stories take place in the same universe, but their canonicity is up to interpretation.]

Part Three: Spoilers and FAQ's

Hidden under a readmore for those who haven't finished the series, and for those who don't want a clogged dash. This section will occasionally be updated as readers ask questions!

Why the name Psychopomp?

The name isn't gibberish - it's a real thing. A psychopomp is a guide of the recently deceased that shows up in belief systems throughout history. The specifics of the figure differ with culture and time - the Reaper has a scythe and is generally horrifying, while Hermes likely was not as scary of a figure. Sy, as a character, embodies the job of the psychopomp, ferrying the dead from all cultures.

What's with the changing forms?

Though they are the same person underneath the illusion, Sy's perceived form is dependent on the viewer's personal faith. It's why Jedediah, a Protestant, sees the Reaper; and Octavius, an Ancient Roman Polytheist, sees Mercury. In mournful camaraderie, I had to do a bit of research on how they would be perceived by the others. Larry and Nick are Jewish, and like many things in Judaism, there's debate on what the specifics are. In folklore, the angel of death is Samael, so I used that form. Attila, according to the Romans, worshiped "the sword of Mars", which is why that was seen on their patch during the Arcadia segment. The Huns likely worshiped Tengri, a personification of the universe cultivated by the Steppe peoples and the nomadic cultures of Eurasia.

Is [side story] canon?

If you want it to be.

Which ones are canon to you, the author?

An Ode to the Trilobites and fear not, little one, it will be all right.

Why does [character] show up in [fic]?

I have a lot of friends in this fandom, and I let them use my characters, because it's more fun that way. Psychopomp shows up in theegargoyle's Dead Temperatures and riv_styx's promise a future i can come back to (implied); Javier is a central character in bmoshh's Nuestros Caminos Entrelazados (which I help proofread!); and Septimius and Trajan cameo in EwokRae22's Against the World, being silly and stupid as usual. If you want to use my morons, feel free to shoot me a message about it! I will eat your fic up like fresh ramen.

Is there a playlist available?

Yes - two, even! Youtube has the full playlist, at 7.5 hours long. Spotify has a pared down playlist, due to Kirby's music not being available on that platform.

[blackenchanting]

Welcome to ravens borough episode 13

Somewhere in the unheard of town of Raven's Borough…

The contents of this story are nsfw therefore not for children

The rain fell over the road as sparks shot out from under the barreling el camino, the echoes of it scraping against the road as its infante roll came to a stop.

Three weeks earlier April first 2016

Rob awoke to the smell of bacon.

"Well then. The birth month's off to a good start." Rob said getting out of bed and looking towards the kitchen to see Eva wearing red thigh highs with black stripes around the top and black heels and toes, short shorts, a red t-shirt and an apron that said 'here's the deal buddy as long as it's not a monday or there's a blue moon in the sky I cook about as good as I look but pancakes are my specialty'. As he could see the faint outline of a newspaper being read

"That's new." Rob said.

"Well unfortunately we have a visitor so I can't get rid of half of what I'm wearing." Eva said putting a few pancakes with bacon inside the. onto a plate next to two identical stacks of bacon pancakes.

"I've seen worse" Ameila said turning the page on the newspaper

"Yes but as much as I like showing off my moves, a few things are for his eyes only." Eva said, placing a plate in front of Ameila.

"Well at least your better than katie" Ameila said turning the newspaper again

"Fair, whatcha doing here anyway?" Rob asked, sitting at the table as Eva placed a plate of bacon pancakes in front of him.

"Happy early birthday dick head" Ameila said

"You're a whole month early but I appreciate it." Rob said as Eva sat in front of him with the last plate of pancakes already digging in.

"Eh you know i always bail on important days" Ameila said

"Alright why are you paying ten bucks a month for this boring ass paper… don't even have fuckin coupons in em" Ameila said tossing the paper. Revealing her new hairstyle which was tied up in a ponytail.

"We don't have a newspaper subscription, we have Netflix. I actually forgot why they keep getting delivered." Rob said putting syrup on his pancakes before cutting down the entire stack and eating a bite of each pancake.

"I see you stuck with the ponytail." Eva said.

"Ava said it made me look more mature" Ameila said taking her finger through her hair

"It does. Though you can achieve the same effect with a few other hair styles." Rob said.

"My hair is fine as is." Eva said with her signature short bob.

"Change is good every now and then.. " Ameila said

"True, that's why my usual outfit is not exactly the same anymore." Rob said.

"Wouldn't hurt to grow out your hair like Ava's is.. sure we won't be able to tell you apart from a distance but that's just us being bad pa" Ameila said

"And that's precisely why I'm keeping it as is." Eva said.

"Good idea wouldn't want us dipshits getting confused over who's who" Ameila said

"Exactly." Eva said as Rob was halfway done with his pancakes while Eva had eaten two whole pancakes

"Starting to think you two are either lying about being related or were separated at birth because you look almost identical" Ameila said comparing Eva to a photo of ava she carried with her

"It's possible, I never really knew my father so." Eva said.

"I mean i tried to abandon my family Sooo.. I can't exactly talk" Ameila said

"He died when I was young, mom remarried when I was like, seven." Eva said.

"I don't think you two are related. Because Ava looks like her mother who is also a white haired demon" Ameila

"Exactly, my white hair is definitely from my father, my moms a red head." Eva said.

"Yeah, we just have a weird resemblance and similar names." Eva said.

"Yeah it's almost like some outer force was inspired by Ava's design" Ameila said

"Oi, quit trying to break walls." Eva said.

"I ain't breaking no walls see" Ameila said gesturing to the perfectly intact walls

"But my parents have always been together I was conceived at an age younger than you'd expect.. and since then they've always been married actually I think me and lizzy's conception was the reason they got married so young" Ameila said

"Yeah that makes sense." Rob said.

"Married at seventeen imagine that" Ameila said

"Oh wow, that is young goddamn." Eva said, having emptied her plate.

"Yeah those where different times so it probably wasn't as weird back then as our pussy generation makes it today" Ameila said looking down from the window to make sure her chevelle was still there

"Ah.. i should probably go to the car wash after this" Ameila said looking at the car which appeared to have been driven down a dirt road a few times

"Probably." Rob said.

"Alright you too I'ma head off.. you two have fun now" Ameila said, grabbing the pancakes and heading out.

"Alright, see you later!" Rob and Eva said.

The tvs channel switched to black. As a cartoon version of Ameila popped up In Front of it waving to Rob as the words help wanted appeared under her. 'lucy's outlaw steakhouse needs a night time maintenance worker to work the nightshift twelve to seven. To apply call the number below'

"I don't even remember turning that in." Eva said.

"That place needs to burn at this point, hella creepy." Rob said.

"Well, I certainly can think of a way to move past the creepy." Eva said standing up and stretching before removing her apron.

"Oh do tell." Rob said as Eva dropped her shorts and took off her shirt revealing her body, with a medium amount of pubic hair.

"Oh I see. Well then, let's go put the new mattress to use." Rob said walking over to Eva, gripping her hips and lifting her as she wrapped her arms and legs around him.

"Mmm, it was soft to sleep on… let's see how good it feels to be pinned against." Eva said kissing Rob all the way to the bedroom and to the bed kissing him until he falls back onto the bed.

"You're mine now. I am gonna make sure whoever we meet knows it." Eva said quickly kissing Rob's neck, biting it hard enough to leave a mark causing the man to moan.

"As long as I can return the favor later." Rob said as Eva shifted her spot to remove Rob's boxers revealing his hard cock which Eva quickly pressed her wet pussy against, grinding along all six inches until precum came out of his cock then taking it deep.

"Fuck… you're so tight… so soft…" Rob moaned as he squeezed Eva's thighs as she started riding him at a slow pace but almost taking his cock out of her.

"I know… mmm hearing you moan… mmmf." Eva moaned as she slammed her hips down at the highest point of her riding, causing Rob to moan loudly as Eva picked up speed each time she slams down, kissing Rob as she did, moaning into Rob's mouth.

Rob squeezed Eva's hips as he soon climaxed as she took him all the way inside her pussy, filling her womb.

"Fuck… you came hard huh?" Eva asked as Rob moved them into a doggy style position as Eva was on her knees up straight as Rob kissed her neck and bit her hard enough to leave a visible mark while Rob was thrusting into her pussy harder and harder each thrust, Rob started rubbing Eva's clit with his right ring and middle fingers, using his left hand to massage her small chest, pinching her erect nipples.

"Fuck… so close… fuuuck." Eva moaned as she was nearing her climax, her pussy tightened around Rob's cock causing him to slow down a bit until he came a second time filling her womb even more as she reached climax with her true love.

"Fuck… so good…" Rob said in between breaths as he laid down with Eva who was now facing him again with his cock still deep inside her.

"I know… cuddle time…" Eva said as she kissed Rob and wrapped her arms around him lovingly.

"Yeah, mmm I could stay like this forever." Rob said, putting his arms around Eva.

"Yeah but then we couldn't bicker over breakfast foods." Eva said with a giggle as Rob put the blanket over the couple.

******** Some time later **********

The bell jingled as the pink haired girl from before walked in.

"Hello again." Eva said.

"You never gave us names so we really didn't have any progress with your friend." Rob said.

"That's alright I found her" the girl said fixing her hat

"Whatcha need then?" Eva asked.

"No idea I kinda just wondered in" the girl said as her eyes physically glitched

"Fair enough." Rob said.

"katsumi liked the shanty worn down falling apart appearance so we came to check it out"

"I beg your pardon?" Rob asked.

"Hmmm?" She asked her eyes glitching like a computer again

"This office is well maintained." Eva said.

"Yeah.. it's about as maintained as my mom. she's dead by the way" the girl said

"Okay now that's insulting, we're doing the best we can with what we have." Rob said.

"Someone changes sides quickly ain't that right katsumi" she said staring off into space

"You alright? There's nothing there." Eva said. As the girl continued staring off into space

"Yeah what she said" the girl said coming out of it as her eyes glitched

"Uhhh alright." Eva said.

"My name's Veronica.. I think.. and this is my wife katsumi" Veronica said gesturing to thin air

"We're looking for my friend" Veronica added contradicting what she said previously

"Didn't you already find them or?* Rob asked.

"No that's why I am here" Veronica said

"Uhhh alright. What's their name?" Eva asked.

"Ummmhhhhhhmmm… Ameila Madison I think" Veronica said

"It ends with Madison. I know this much.." Veronica added very clearly on drugs of some kind

"Alright then. We can take you to her if you wish." Rob said.

"Take me where?" Veronica asked

"To Ameila." Rob said.

"Whos that?" Veronica asked

"Is there someone we can call to come get you or?" Eva asked.

"Who's you?" Veronica asked

"Do I know this person?" She added

"Alright, come with us, you're not under arrest but we are taking you to the police so they can handle you." Rob said.

"Oh alright sounds lovely" Veronica said

—At the Ravens Borough police department—-

"Nope she's definitely not on drugs" a pink haired cat lady said turning off her d upflashlight as

"Of course not she is definitely not all there though and we brought her to you because you're more equipped to actually find out who she is." Rob said. As she pulled out a paper

"Veronica Lee Madison. age twenty one. Sex female daughter of Chris James Madison and Amy Lee Madison she is an only child who suffers from charles bonnet syndrome and schizophrenia. Her mind is stuck iin something doctors call.. the vancanny files" the cat lady said

"Ah I see. Well then. Not sure what to do with her now." Rob said.

"Doctors say that she can be cured of her vancanny files but the means to do so are.. unknown" she said

"Fair enough. We'll have to look into that, thanks for your help Misuki, think you can take care of her from here?" Eva said.

"You're asking for a lot but I suppose I can put her somewhere" Misuki said

"Thanks I was more asking if you could get her home but fair enough." Eva and.

"Are all of Ameila's relatives mentally fucked up?" Rob asked.

"Don't be an dick valentine not everyone can be perfect like you" Misuki said

"Oh I am far from perfect. I'm just more concerned about the entire family being of unsound mind." Rob said.

"It's a reasonable concern, and yeah he's definitely not perfect. He begs me to cuddle." Eva said.

"Who" Miuski said

"What?" Eva asked.

"Asked" Miuski said cutting her off

"Sure it's reasonable to worry about someone but do you really think it's reasonable to ask if an entire family is fucked up in the head. It's like asking a Cancer patient if all his family members have cancer" Miuski said

"Fair point. Though it was mostly a joke because they all seem to be troubled one way or another." Rob said.

"Do you think mental illness is a joke valentine?" Misuki asked

"Nope. Neither is Autism. Or my ADHD." Rob said.

"Then I think we have an understanding" Miuski said.

"We do." Rob said.

"You constantly joke about the A standing for arson though." Eva said.

"And now you know why I always have a lighter on me even though I have night vision and don't smoke " Rob said as Veronica's eyes glitched.

"Anyway, we gotta go check some stuff." Eva said.

"And I have to make a phone call to the hospital," Miuski said.

"Alright then. We'll see you later." Rob said as he and Eva left.

Her eyes glitched as she looked at Miuski the pink haired cat girl in a police uniform she turned to the tabaxi with dark skin and ginger hair standing next to herself as it waved to her

"Hi honey.." Veronica said waving to katsumi

"How are you today" she asked as the tabaxi glitched sitting next to her

"Oh I'm doing fine" kat said taking her hand over veronicas chin

To be continued…

[jadenlapointe]

ｒｏｓｗｅｌｌ ｃｈｒｉｓｔｍａｓ ２０２１

ᴛᴏ: ᴊᴜɴɪᴘᴇʀ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ ꜰʀᴏᴍ: ᴊᴀᴅᴇɴ ʟᴀᴘᴏɪɴᴛᴇ

msg: juniper. i created this mixtape the first week we started dating, before things were even official. there have been so many times throughout our relationship where i’ve wanted to give it to you but i never had the guts to. these are all the songs that remind me of you, that speak of our ups and downs through the whirlwind of our lives together, when we were friends up until now. i love you. i will always love you. my love for you is eternal, and this is just the beginning of it. 

𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐀: love story (taylor’s version) - taylor swift | synesthesia - andrew mcmahon in the wilderness | the world has its shine (but i would drop it on a dime for you) - cobra starship | yellow (feat. misterwives) - flor | greek tragedy - the wombats | can i kiss you? - dahl | million bucks - smallpools | corner store - left boy | good guys - LANY | anchor tattoo - chase atlantic | hold on - flor | not warriors - waterparks | don’t you love me - chapel | james dean & audrey hepburn - sleeping with sirens | pothole - modern baseball | favorite place (feat. the band camino) - all time low | first train - mayday parade | overboard - the stolen | first dance - never shout never | flowerball - the wombats | feelings - lauv | be kind (with halsey) - marshmello | life in pink - the ready set | somebody’s gonna love you - the wldlfe | she’s killing me - a rocket to the moon | your life over mine - bry | she’s quiet - the home team | toothpick - stand atlantic | i would - lower than atlantis | waterfalls - the wldlfe | wide eyed blind - saint raymond | she’s so high - tal bachman | washed wine - lave | so contagious - acceptance | sleeping in - all time low | 7 - catfish and the bottlemen | cover you - the hunna | turn - the wombats | style - taylor swift | constant headache - joyce manor | i’m not the one - 3OH!3

𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐁: style -  ultraviolet - stiff dylans | would you come home - tyler blackburn | don’t fall - white lies | heather - conan gray | idfc - blackbear | time - NF | lightning in a bottle - the summer set | can’t help it - anarbor | lose it - SWMRS | the permanent rain - the dangerous summer | bros - wolf alice | crazy - makeout | take me as you please - the story so far | reel around the fountain - the smiths | how to save a life - the fray | for the first time - the script | seaside - the kooks | crying over it all - waterparks | friends - midnight endeavor | friday i’m in love - the cure | somewhere in neverland - all time low | never bloom again - waterparks | april 7th - the maine | the curse of curves - cute is what we aim for | carpe diem - you me at six | hell - deaf havana | tightrope - don broco | hold back the river - james bay | feel bad - a story told | coming up short - bloxx | light me up - crooked teeth | bohemian like you - the dandy warhols | estella// - kennyhoopla | mixtape 2003 - the academic | run - snow patrol | masterpiece - cloudy june | toothpaste kisses - the maccabees | i wanna be your girlfriend - girl in red | eighties - landon cube | ya’aburnee - halsey | chinatown - bleachers | buzz cut - lovelytheband | youth - daughter | your guardian angel - the red jumpsuit apparatus | flower - vanna | i love you , i love you . it’s disgusting - broadside | notice me - role model | thenineteenseventyfive - push baby | no one does it better - you me at six | fangs - matt chamption

[bobbiamorse]

20 things about me

I was tagged by @kevdog22​ (thank you!) and I can’t remember the last time I did it, so here goes!

name/nickname: Al

gender: Non-binary/“no, Patrick, mayonnaise is not a gender”

star sign: Aries

height: 5′7″

time: 12:13 p.m.

birthday: April 16th

favorite bands: The Band CAMINO

favorite solo artists: Taylor Swift, Halsey, FLETCHER, King Princess, Carlie Hanson, Maggie Rogers

song currently playing: Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift. It may or may not be my inspiration for [REDACTED]

last movie: The Good Dinosaur with one of my friends from school

last show: Young James Herriot with The Squad™

when did i create this blog: April(?) 2018

what do i post: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (especially Bobbi and Hunter), Marvel (especially Team Cap and Thor)

last thing googled: “how long does it take a chromebook to fully charge” because the child I’m nannying forgot to plug his Chromebook in over the weekend and needed to go to class.

other blogs: I run @aosrecweek​ and @aosshipsitall​ for AOS stuff, @poetic-al​ for quotes/poetry I like, and @kelly--grayson​ for Orville stuff.

do i get asks: I do! and I am very thankful for the people who like me that much.

why i chose my url: because it’s the truth

following: 150

followers: 540

average hours of sleep: 8, because I’m a wuss

lucky number: 4 or 16

instruments: ex-pianist and ukulele player

what am i wearing: jeans, a t-shirt, a sweatshirt, shoes, and socks.

dream job: to be employed long-term. with health insurance.

dream trip: I have plans to go to Poland for reasons of @2minutes2midnight murdering :)

nationality: American

favorite song: Bitter by FLETCHER

last book read: Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: Fuck man, I don’t know. Most fictional universes seem even worse than this one lmao

Tagging anyone who wants to do this because I cannot... marshal my thoughts enough to figure out who I should tag.

[that-thing-that-feeling]

Yeah I think the timeline of the expansion does make it more likely ST will use ABQ Studios. As we know, a “significant portion” of ST4 was to be filmed in NM. The original plan was to film there for 3 months, April through June. Obviously, if Aug is the real wrap date, then they’ll be trying to quicken the pace in NM to finish as soon as possible. But regardless, they’ll be done by late summer, which will then allow ABQ to start its expansion. I know Better Call Saul is filming rn, but most of their filming is done on location, so they won’t be using the studio much longer. So if ST wasn’t using the studio at all, they’d be free to apply for a permit much sooner.

Now, knowing the Duffers, they had probably already decided on Cali as the Byers’ new home before they had even started writing season 4. And the reason they chose NM was because Netflix had just bought a new studio there. Netflix is hoping to make NM one of their hubs, but ST is in no way breaking in the studio. Many projects have been filmed there in the past, including the very popular Netflix shows Breaking Bad and BCS, as well as El Camino (the BB movie). Netflix is being v smart here: they know that once ST4 comes out, it will raise even more awareness about ABQ Studios, and Albuquerque as a filming location in general because of the shows’ extreme popularity. And if they start to expand as soon as possible after ST wraps, it’ll allow for even more big projects to film there in the future.

Ahh okay interesting! Could see that.

[unfantasmaficker]

La chica de la azotea/ the girl on the roof

// Esta es mi primera vez escribiendo un fanfic

// El lector es de genero femenino (si les gusta y recibe apoyo voy a intentar hacer una version en genero neutral para que asi todos puedan leerlo) tambien si no les agrada la descripcion de la lectora tienen total libertad de cambiarlo! sean cretiv@s!! Fantasmita se va!!!!

Disfruten!

Un día cualquiera en la ciudad de New York o al menos así ya lo veía yo, salí de las alcantarillas para tener un momento a solas, ya no soportaba estar ahí, tengo trabajo importante que hacer, con el kraang haciendo experimentos raros yo soy el único que puede dar respuestas al equipo pero simplemente en ese ambiente no se puede pensar con claridad! Rafa y Leo se la pasan peleando, Mikey no deja de molestar y sobre todo Abril esta con Casey haciéndose ojitos! Yo solo necesito un tiempo para calmarme y volveré a casa, si no lo hago seré igual de temperamental que Rafa y eso no está en mi lista de deseos, de todas formas no tardaría será una salida rápida, lo peor que puede pasar si me tardo más de lo usual es que se podrían preocupar y lo último que quiero es un regaño de Leo o peor del maestro Splinter, a veces me siento solo aunque tenga a mis hermanos, a mi padre y a nuestros amigos, tal vez el hecho de que abril no me corresponde sea lo que me tiene mal pero me gustaría hablar con alguien acerca de esto, alguien que no se burle o se queje alguien que en serio entienda.

Camino por los techos, escalo las paredes, hago una que otra maniobra para animarme y aun así solo estoy yo escuchando a mis propios pensamientos, estaba a punto de retirarme creía que ya paso demasiado tiempo, como dije tengo más responsabilidades pendientes que nadie más podría entender o realizar, un peso que debo llevar.

En el techo en el que estaba había una entrada que obviamente daba a la azotea donde yo estaba, no sé si fue mala suerte pero justo cuando me calme y estaba dispuesto a volver, alguien abrió la puerta.

-   Rayos… –

Dije en un casi susurro, pues obviamente tuve que ocultarme para que cualquiera que estuviera ahí no me viera, podría simplemente irme y ya es la única opción lógica pero esta persona bloqueaba el único atajo a las alcantarillas cerca de la guarida, tomar cualquier otro camino me retrasaría y eso podría preocupar a mis hermanos, así que solamente quedaba esperar a que se fueran y seguir con mi camino

 -   Vaya día de porquería! –

Por su voz deduce que era una chica, una adolecente, debía quedarme oculto obviamente pero la curiosidad me mataba que simplemente alce un poco la cabeza y pude verla, era alta, cabello castaño y corto aun así se veía que era ondulado y muy esponjoso, su ropa era muy peculiar un suéter de diseño viejo verde militar súper holgado, lo tenía fajado en unas bermudas de mezclilla azul naval y usaba botas de lluvia lo cual era muy raro ya que no estábamos en temporada de lloviznas , tenía una caja en sus manos y la azoto con fuerza en el suelo, escuche varios vidrios romperse y a la vista de cómo cayo se veía pesado, claro no era problema de la chica que fácilmente lo volvió a alzar y lo estrello fuerte de nuevo

Se veía algo molesta, no que digo algo, se veía furiosa! Pude observar como maldecía y gritaba al aire con todas sus fuerzas

-   Malditos deberes! Malditas responsabilidades! El que sea capaz de hacer más cosas que tú no te da derecho a dejar todo sobre mis hombros! –

Abrió la caja y saco varias botellas de cerveza algunas ya estaban rotas pero otras parecían intactas sorpresivamente, las estrellaba en el suelo, las aventaba o simplemente las pisaba, vaya, sí que fue lista en usar las botas para esta peculiar actividad, después de que se le acabaron las botellas simplemente alzo la cara y grito, hubo algo en su grito que se me hacía diferente, con un hermano como Rafael estaba muy acostumbrado a los gritos pero nunca había escuchado uno como el de ella, se escuchaba triste, desesperada, sola…

Me había quedado viendo todo este tiempo sin que ella me notara, pero yo note en ella como lagrimas se resbalaban en sus mejillas con pecas, me sentía mal por ella, tenía ganas de preguntarle si estaba bien o si necesitaba ayuda, pero eso es imposible aún recuerdo la primera vez que Abril me vio y grito, nadie puede verme a la cara sin asustarse y salir corriendo, todo siempre creerán que soy un fenómeno y creo que ella no es la excepción, la chica se limpió sus lágrimas cuando regreso la mirada al suelo, recogió la caja vacía y simplemente volvió a entrar por la misma puerta de la cual salió.

Esa era mi señal, con cuidado salí de mi escondite y procure tener cuidado al caminar por los miles de vidrios rotos que se encontraban en el suelo, si va a hacer una rabieta al menos debería recoger su desastre!

Llegando al otro extremo de la azotea no pude evitar ver hacia atrás, los vidrios seguían ahí eso quería decir que mi “encuentro” con la chica si paso y aunque esto suene a una locura yo aún no podía creer lo que presencié, me sentí identificado de alguna forma y de nuevo mi curiosidad despertó quería volver a verla, solo para escucharla, solo para ver que se le ocurría hacer la próxima vez, salte de techo en techo, escale escaleras y paredes y al regresar a la alcantarilla que me llevaba a casa solo podía pensar en el mañana cuando pueda ver de nuevo a la chica de la azotea.    

English Version

On any given day in New York City or at least that's how I saw it, I came out of the sewers to have a moment alone, I couldn't bear to be there anymore, I have important work to do, with the kraang doing strange experiments, I am the one the only one who can give answers to the team but simply in that environment you cannot think clearly! Raph and Leo are always fighting, Mikey does not stop bothering and especially April is with Casey flirting! I just need some time to calm down and I'll go home, if I don't I will be just as temperamental as Raph and that's not on my wish list, anyway it won't take long it will be a quick exit, the worst thing that can happen if I'm late more than usual is that they could worry and the last thing I want is a scolding from Leo or worse from Master Splinter, sometimes I feel lonely even though I have my brothers, my father and our friends, maybe the fact that April does not correspond my feelings is what is wrong with me but I would like to talk with someone about this, someone who does not mock or complain, someone who seriously understands.

I walk on the ceilings, I climb the walls, I do the odd maneuver to cheer myself up and even so I'm just listening to my own thoughts, I was about to retire I thought that too much time had passed, as I said I have more pending responsibilities than anyone else could understand or realize, a weight that I must carry.

On the roof I was on there was an entrance that obviously led to the roof where I was, I don't know if it was bad luck but just when I calmed down and was ready to go back, someone opened the door.

- Dang it… -

I said in an almost whisper, because obviously I had to hide so that anyone who was there would not see me, I could just leave and it is already the only logical option but this person blocked the only shortcut to the sewers near the lair, take any other path I would be late and that could worry my brothers, so I just had to wait for them to leave and continue on my way.

- What a crappy day! -

From her voice I deduces that it was a girl, an adolescent, I had to stay hidden obviously but curiosity killed me that I just raised my head a little and I could see her, she was tall, brown hair and short even so it looked like it was wavy and very fluffy, Her clothes were very peculiar a super loose old military green design sweater, she had it tucked in some navy blue denim shorts and she wore rain boots which was very rare since we were not in the drizzle season, she had a box in her hands and she hit it hard on the ground, I heard several glass break and at the sight of how it fell it looked heavy, of course it was not the problem of the girl who easily raised it again and smashed it hard again

She looked somewhat annoyed, not that I said something, she looked furious! I could see how she cursed and screamed into the air with all his might

- Damn homework! Damn responsibilities! The fact that I am capable of doing more things than you does not give you the right to leave everything on my shoulders! -

She opened the box and took out several bottles of beer, some were already broken but others seemed surprisingly intact, she smashed them on the ground, threw them or simply stepped on them, well, she was ready to use her boots for this peculiar activity, after She ran out of bottles, she just raised her face and shouted, there was something in her cry that made me different, with a brother like Rafael I was very used to shouting but I had never heard one like hers, it sounded sad, desperate, alone…

I had been watching all this time without her noticing me, but I noticed in her how tears slied down her freckled cheeks, I felt bad for her, I wanted to ask her if she was okay or if she needed help, but that's impossible I still remember the first time that April saw me and yelled, nobody can see my face without being scared and running away, they will always believe that I am a phenomenon and I think she is no exception, the girl wiped her tears when she looked back to the ground, she picked up the empty box and simply went back in through the same door from which she came.

That was my signal, I carefully came out of my hiding place and tried to be careful when walking through the thousands of broken glass that were on the ground, if you are going to throw a tantrum you should at least pick up your mess!

Reaching the other end of the roof, I couldn't help looking back, the glass was still there, that meant that my "meeting" with the girl did happen and although this sounds crazy I still couldn't believe what I witnessed, I felt identified somehow and again my curiosity awoke I wanted to see her again, just to listen to her, just to see what she could do next time, jump from ceiling to ceiling, climb stairs and walls and when returning to the sewer that led me to home I could only think of tomorrow when I can see the girl on the roof again.

[aprillikesthings]

Another random Camino story!

The day I left Burgos I walked with a younger Italian guy named Dario, and he kept apologizing for his bad English. And he sometimes searched for a word or mixed up his grammar but like, I am nowhere near that good in any non-English language.

Anyway we’d seen each other a bunch of times before that day, which is really common, and he knew I was gay. And he had some great questions about the definition of “queer,” and he said he wasn’t sure what his orientation was, just that he wasn’t entirely straight, and I said then yeah, he can call himself queer if he wants to!

And the day you leave Burgos, you start walking on the Meseta, which are the high plains of northern Spain, and in those first few days you see hundreds of windmills!

Dario said they reminded him of sunflowers. “They’re windflowers!” I said. I later made this joke post to a fb group for Americans on the Camino:

We both realized that the only thing we knew about Don Quixote was that he fought windmills, and kept waving our trekking poles in the general direction of the windmills.

BUT ALSO I am never entirely sure which American media people are familiar with, right?

And at one point we were walking next to a small ridge, and a windmill on the other side wasn’t moving, and the way a singular blade stuck up from behind the ridge made me think of a shark fin, and so I started singing that repeating cello tune from Jaws.

And Dario had no idea what I was singing. I had to explain the plot of Jaws.

[aminocamino]

Day 17 - 26 April REST DAY!

Our bodies do feel in need of a rest. Burgos, certainly the historical part is stunning. It has the most awe inspiring cathedral I have ever seen.

We woke up at 7.40! Luxury. In fairness I think Carrie was already awake. We had decided to go for breakfast and then head to the cathedral. The man serving in the cafe was positively rude to Carrie. Seems in some places if you don’t speak Spanish you do get a different level of service which basically is no service! I ended up overpaying for two eggs and abit of baguette. Definitely not going back there.

The cafe was busy - its right opposite the Cathedral and so gets busy with people waiting for opening time. As peregrinos we had a huge discount on the ticket into the Cathedral.

Burgos cathedral is incredible. It has numerous chapels and if any are dated 1600s then you think they are ‘modern’! I cannot imagine what the pilgrims thought when they first saw it.

The ceilings in each chapel were magnificent.

One of my favourite parts. The Cathedral does a really good written guide of the interior.

And one of the side entrances. And two tourists in front!

Rest of the day was spent getting a few essentials, Carrie did her long distance calls - only really possible on a rest day. I reworked our schedule mainly because it changes as you progress. You find places you want to see, your body tells you to slow down or sometimes you can do more. But we now have a final schedule. We have decided to get our backpacks sent forward tomorrow so Carrie sorted that out and then we headed for food - meeting up with our Camino friend Carol.

Couple of things to note… Carrie found a tick in the crook of her elbow and casually removed it while I shuddered being a typical townie.

And while Carrie made her calls I went off shopping and as I was sat in my favourite patisserie - I spotted Mark our Camino friend with his two female Camino companions. So lovely to see him. I managed to exchange numbers. He did have a horror story of how they were following some backpackers they thought were pilgrims but weren’t and got totally lost in the Pyrenees. As they were descending a very steep incline, his companion slipped and cut herself. She was now having to get a train to Leon because of injuries. His other companion was actually going home (but not as a result of the Pyrenees experience).

[doubledaybooks]

All the books coming this winter/spring...

Ok, folks. It's cold. Time to dive under the covers and hibernate next to a teetering pile of books. Time to kick off that 2020 reading challenge. Time to plant the TBR seeds that will go into the flowers that make up new spring books...or something (I don't know, I'm sleepy). Here we go!

JANUARY 2020

1/14: Zed by Joanna Kavenna: In the not-so-distant future, a global tech corporation has made a perfect world with a perfect algorithm...but what to do about all these messy people?

1/21: The Janes by Louisa Luna: the follow up to Luna's thriller TWO GIRLS DOWN, THE JANES follows private investigators Alice Vega and Max Caplan as they work to identify two Jane Does discovered on the outskirts of San Diego.

FEBRUARY 2020

2/11: The Illness Lesson by Clare Beams: at a newly founded school for girls in 19th century New England, the students are falling mysteriously ill...when a sinister doctor is brought in to treat them, a young teacher must decide how to save her pupils - and herself.

2/25: Soot by Dan Vyleta: the sequel to national bestseller SMOKE, this fantastical story brings readers back into a universe that is "part Dickens, part dystopia, and totally immersive" (Entertainment Weekly).

2/25: The Storm Before the Calm by George Friedman: a master geopolitical forecaster predicts the dramatic upheaval of government, foreign policy, economics and culture in the 2020s.

MARCH 2020

3/3: The Back Roads to March by John Feinstein: a fascinating journey through the unsung, unpublicized, and often unknown heroes of college basketball.

3/3: The Body Double by Emily Beyda: an unnamed young woman is approached and asked to give up her old life and identity to impersonate a reclusive Hollywood star...gritty, glamorous, and seriously deranged.

3/3: The Velvet Rope Economy by Nelson Schwartz: if you've ever been to Disney World, or flown on an airplane, applied to college, or stayed in a hospital...you're familiar with the way an invisible velvet rope divides Americans in every arena of life. This book investigates the toll this velvet rope takes on society.

3/10: Good Citizens Need Not Fear by Maria Reva: A brilliant and bitingly funny collection of stories united around a single crumbling apartment building in Ukraine.

3/17: Child of Light by Madison Smartt Bell: the first and definitive biography of the great postwar American novelist Robert Stone.

3/17: The Dream Universe by David Lindley: A captivating book that asks the question: what happens when science becomes more theoretical and less tangible? Does modern science have more to do with the philosophy of Plato than measurable phenomena?

3/17: The Lady's Handbook for Her Mysterious Illness by Sarah Ramey: The darkly funny memoir of Sarah Ramey’s years-long battle with a mysterious illness that doctors thought was all in her head—but wasn’t. A revelation and an inspiration for millions of women whose legitimate health complaints are ignored.

3/17: The New Life of Hugo Gardner by Louis Begley: Divorced after decades of comfortable marriage, retired journalist Hugo Gardner sets out to explore paths not travelled in this sharp new comedy of manners.

3/17: The Red Lotus by Chris Bohjalian: an American man vanishes on a rural road in Vietnam, and his girlfriend, an emergency room doctor trained to ask questions, follows a path that leads her home to the very hospital where they met.

3/31: Code Name Helene by Ariel Lawhon: a story about the BADASS "socialite spy" who killed a Nazi with her bare hands and went on to become one of the most decorated women in WWII.

APRIL 2020

4/7: Hidden Valley Road by Robert Kolker: The heartrending story of a midcentury American family with twelve children, six of them diagnosed with schizophrenia, that became science’s great hope in the quest to understand the disease.

4/14: Bubblegum by Adam Levin: a crazy, hilarious, profound and epic novel that takes place in an alternate-universe Chicagoland suburb where the Internet has never existed. OH, AND THE COVER ACTUALLY SMELLS LIKE BUBBLEGUM.

4/14: Notes From An Apocalypse by Mark O'Connell: absorbing, deeply felt collection of essays about our anxious present tense–and coming to grips with the future.

4/21: What's Left of Me Is Yours by Stephanie Scott: A gripping debut set in modern-day Tokyo and inspired by a true crime, What’s Left of Me Is Yours charts a young woman’s search for the truth about her mother’s life–and her murder.

4/28: Camino Winds by John Grisham: John Grisham returns to Camino Island where mystery and intrigue once again catch up with novelist Mercer Mann, proving that the suspense never rests—even in paradise.

MAY 2020

5/12: The Anthill by Julianne Pachico: A wildly original blend of satire and social horror that follows Lina, a young woman returning to her home country of Colombia after many years away to volunteer at a daycare center called The Anthill. For fans of movies like Get Out and Parasite.

5/12: Flash Crash by Liam Vaughan: The story of a trading prodigy who amassed $70 million from his childhood bedroom–until the US government accused him of helping trigger an unprecedented market collapse.

[wexlerkimberly]

oh god, yearly round-up.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

side note: this is my TENTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! year of doing this!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have been on this website for OVER 10 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jesus christ.

ok. on a completely personal level, last year was so fucking dreadful that i remember falling asleep at my friends house on new years eve and thinking: “well, at least this year can’t be any worse”. HMMMM. in all seriousness though, despite everything, i have had a mostly decent year. i’m very lucky in lots and lots of ways. i’m lucky none of my closest family or loved ones have been effected too deeply by covid. just mild inconvenience, at most. i am lucky that i live in a house with such a large garden, so i could enjoy fresh air and family-free time if i needed to. i am lucky the weather has been mostly nice this year so i could go for plenty of walks. i’m lucky that i’m naturally a very quiet, anti-social person anyway so i haven’t felt the strain of isolation as severely as others. 

most of all, this year has been boring, if anything. but there’s still been things that have made it nice. january - birthday!!! i don’t usually go hard or anything for my birthday but it stands out to me as a really lovely day. i went for a walk to one of my favourite hills with my dad & dogs during the day. in the evening, i had badminton with my friends as i used to most thursdays (INDOOR SPORTS?!?!?!!? REMEMBER INDOORS SPORTS?!?!!?!?!) and then, as per our tradition, i went back to their flat for take-away chips and halloumi burgers. because they are so unbelievably generous and lovely, my friends bought me a new badminton racket for my birthday. i feel like i’ve barely got a chance to use this year, for obvious reasons, but i can’t wait to use it so much more as soon as possible. the following day, i went to work as normal but then went out to a really nice italian place with my family for a meal and we did birthday cake & candles when we got home. feeling stupidly grateful for so many thoughtful people in my life. february - again, this year has been so dry that a trip to the cinema could be considered a high point. but it was my only cinema trip of the year and just a really nice day. me & my friend saw jojo rabbit (which was great, if you haven’t seen it already) and afterwards we ambled around town looking at things in shops. it sounds so simple but i haven’t done any of that stuff since really, so it feels so exciting and exotic when i think back on it. 

february - stayed at my grandma’s house for the weekend. we do that as often as we can, usually, and it’s always nice. but - obviously - we haven’t been able to see my grandma much at all this year. it was nice to sit in front of the fire with her and watch tv and be given access to all sorts of baked goods and walk up the hills around by her. on the sunday, we managed to pop-in on my nana & grandad too and eat many baked goods there too.

march - meal out for my brother’s birthday. i feel like a lot of my “special days” this year revolved around someone’s birthday this year. but i think this was our last day of ‘normalcy’ before things went a bit crazy here. my family went to a caribbean pub with my brother and his gf and we had lovely tasty food and a nice night out. i think that was the last day i wore anything other than pyjamas or leggings for a long time.

april - no joke, i remember going to the vets during the peak of lockdown when the whole country was essentially shut down and it felt like THE most exciting day of my life. my cat was fine (she’d been bitten and needed painkillers for an infection but she was absolutely fine!) but i remember being near giddy in the car. my sister came with us too even though she didn’t need to because of how exciting it felt. 

may - my brother’s birthday. the other one. the first of our lockdown birthdays. we popped in to drop a card off at a friend’s who shares the same birthday as him. then we drove (DROVE! IN A CAR!) to a stretch of really lovely canal that my brother likes to walk on and had a great walk. in the evening, we ordered in an indian take-away and my sister had made a FAT four-tiered chocolate cake to celebrate.

may - ok this is very dumb but i finished breaking bad this year and i set aside a special date to watch el camino. i made a very sickly millionaire’s cheesecake and my whole family gathered round the tv to eat and re/watch el camino. it’s so dumb and silly but i was so excited, it felt like a special cinematic event. i cried. 

june - my dad’s birthday. my dad, my brother & me (plus dogs) drove out of the county (rogue fugitives!!!!!!) to meet my grandad for a socially distanced chat and picnic. it was a bit weird not being able to hug him and sitting on separate benches but it was still great to see him. we had a takeaway chinese for dinner and a chocolate cake for dessert.

july - my sister’s birthday. we technically celebrated it 4 days earlier because she had to move into her new flat but we had a nice indian take-away and another bloody chocolate birthday cake.

july - my mom’s birthday. i honestly cannot remember what we ate - i think we had homemade pizzas in the garden??? it’s weird when food dictates the differences between days. anyway, i definitely made another birthday cake.

july - went for a socially distanced walk with a friend i haven’t seen in ages. it was lovely and the weather was very kind to us and it was great to go walking across fields and to a reservoir i hadn’t been to in years and years. 

august - my brother got his GCSE results and we ate pizza in the garden to celebrate. after the monumental government fuck-up with results, we were a bit nervous about how badly they’d ruin his chances but he did very well.

september - went to visit my grandma. she had been living by herself for the entirity of the pandemic (she doesn’t mind, she’s loves to garden and she does online latin and pilates classes, she’s a very busy lady) but i think she enjoyed seeing us. we were plied full of food once again. we went for a lovely evening ramble on the hills right by her house. on the sunday, my dad went for a walk with a friend he hasn’t seen in ages while me, my brother and my grandma went for another hill walk elsewhere. i think my grandma really enjoyed that because she hasn’t been able to go walking much because she was so anxious about tripping and being completely alone, or being rescued by someone carrying The Virus. so it was nice to accompany her. after that, we had a nice socially distanced meeting with my grandparents in their garden. it felt very risky to me because i am insanely anxious but my grandma, my grandad and my nana are all very safe and healthy.

october - halloween!!! i never celebrate halloween BUT this year, i was so sick of being the house every single day i decided to organise something different. so in the evening, me, my dad & my brother went for a halloween walk in the countryside through a graveyard, then through a field where there used to be an old abonnonded saxon village, and then finally through hagley wood where bella of wych elm was found. my dad & my brother were completely uneffected but i was absolutely shitting myself at every tiny little thing. my dogs had their little flashing colours on and we all had torches but i was still so pathetically spooked by everything. after the walk, we met my mom in the car (i had to get changed in the car from my walking stuff to vaguely presentable clothes) then we went to a goddamn PUB!!!!!!!!! to eat a meal!!!!!!!!!!! i went a bit overboard making my family santise their hands every 5 minutes but we definitely had a lovely meal.

november - did a bonfire in the garden for bonfire night. ate homemade vegan chilli and then apple crumble. it was freezing cold and we tried to stay out there for as long as we could. i even managed to find some sparklers and me & my brother waltzed around the garden with them, likesay we’re not an adult and a child-grown. the others melted marshmallows on the fire and i just enjoyed watching the fireworks i could see and throwing balls for the dogs.

november - we’re brits lmao but when joe biden’s presidency was finally confirmed, we celebrated with an indonesian take-away because fuck it!!!!!!!! gotta celebrate where we could this year!!!!!!!!!! 

december - christmas!!!!!!!!!!!! we usually have christmas every year at my grandma’s house with my aunt and her boyfriend. it’s a fairly decent sized house out in the countryside and she has a wood-burning fire and it just Feels more christmassy there, especially as i’ve literally only ever spent one single christmas at home before. but we still managed to make it very special this year i think. my sister came on the 13th and we got quickly into a routine of watching christmas films in the evening. on christmas eve, i made vegan gingerbread biscuits and vegan mince pies and my sister made a chocolate yule log cake and then we watched a film. on christmas morning, we all opened our presents in our own living room which felt weird but was still lovely. afterwards, we went for a family walk. my mom pretty much single-handedly (me & my sister helped) cooked a whole christmas dinner for the 6 of us with all the trimmings. usually it’s my grandma, my aunt and my mom but the fact my mom managed to cook such a goddamn feast with our shitty oven where the grill doesn’t work and you have to slam the oven door at least 5 times before it shuts.......... i’m convinced she Might be superwoman?!?!!?!? and it was SO good. in the evening, we had cheese & crackers and my sister’s tasty yule log and we watched many a film. boxing day was much the same but still nice. this whole stretch between christmas and new years day is usually painfully boring but this year has been good, i think. i have consumed an entire army’s worth of cheese and chocolate and i have definitely enjoyed the snow we’ve had here recently.

so. yeah. this is very basic and boring. none of these things would usually end up in my write-up of the year. but i haven’t been to a single concert or theatre trip or even really left the midlands at all. in my round-up last year, i wrote some stupid sentimental bullshit about romanticising “the most basic and boring aspects of life” and never has that been so apt. on the face of it, this year has been SO boring. but i’ve managed to make it enjoyable in the tiniest ways.

for example, i enjoyed every single sunny day. i would jump on the trampoline and listen to podcasts. i would go running and listen to podcasts. i would go walking and listen to podcasts. i owe a lot to podcasts, i think. but i definitively owe a LOTTTTT to walking. i walk for a living (i’m a dog-walker lmao) but i would still go out for walks with my own dogs in the evening or go out for walks with my dad in the morning where i could. if we thought we made good use of the pizza oven last year, this year has been insane. i have made and cooked SO! MANY! pizzas this year and they were all excellent. i feel like food has been really important this year. like i said, it helps distinguish the days, especially “special” or “treat” foods. like everyone i have done a lottt of baking this year. especially when it’s been such a great year for fruit!!! there’s a field near me and there’s just simply shit loads of blackberries and raspberries that grow there. i remember one evening sat in the garden eating some mango sorbet my sister made with some raspberries i picked from the field and thinking that life simply does not get better than that. idk. it’s nice to take pleasure in the smallest things i think.

but, like i said, i have been so lucky this year. i was only off work temporarily and none of my immediate circle have been directly impacted by the effects of covid. as annoying as they are, i’m very lucky to have spent so much time with my family - as opposed to be being by myself - because it’s nice when we make food for each other and watch tv and films together or go for walks together. 

god. this is long and waffley. if you read all this: what the fuck is wrong with you? but also: thank you! i know 2021 is definitely going to start off rocky but i strongly believe - and i’m a massive pessimist - that things are going to get better.  love and strength to everyone. wishing you peace and comfort x 

(again: i cannot believe i have been writing up this silly little incoherent things for a decade!!! sometimes i like to go back and read the earlier ones and remind myself of old fun times and cringe at teenage me. here’s to... 10 more years??? hahahahaha. anyway:here’s the other 9 years of nonsense: 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, and, finally, 2011.)

[vinylfromthevault]

The Black Keys “El Camino” 2011. Nonesuch Records. Today, April 15th, is Keys drummer Patrick Carney’s 40th birthday (b. 1980) so I’m spinning their 7th LP, also one of their most successful (I really like it, but it’s not my favorite; I’m partial to their earlier releases). It hit #2 upon its release in the US and went to #6 in the UK and earned a Grammy for the Best Rock Album. El Camino’s lead single, “Lonely Boy” went to #64 in the US on the Hot 100 chart but went to #1 on the alternative charts and to #1 on the rock chart and won Grammy’s for Best Rock Performance and Best Rock Song; it’s a great rocker filled with infectious hooks, super radio-friendly. Also released as singles were “Gold on the Ceiling” (which I really like) which hit #94 on the Hot 100 and #1 on the alternative chart, “Dead and Gone” (Europe only; it’s a fine song but there are better on the LP) and “Little Black Submarines” (#2 alternative chart) which is my favorite track on El Camino. I love the quiet acoustic melancholy bluesy ballad start that explodes into a massive rocker, reminiscent of a good old Zeppelin track that has jock-rock” guitar jams (Dan Auerbach’s words, not mine) mixed with garage rock/punk blues rhythm. I also really like the groovin’ “Money Maker” with its 60′s style garage rock melodic beat and “Stop Stop” that also has a 60′s vibe, but it’s a more psychedelic mixed with soul 60′s. Produced (and largely co-written) by Danger Mouse, El Camino is way slicker than their early super-lo-fi releases, so of course it sounds better but it does lose that DIY charm. 

[subvertingyourexpectations]

Top Ten Films of 2019

2019 was… I’m gonna be honest, not a very great year for cinema. Aside from a handful of standouts, I have seen very few things that completely blew me away. Especially given the past few years, we haven’t gotten a Roma, or a Phantom Thread, or a Denis Villeneuve movie. Anyway, this is my top ten favorite films of 2019. 

But first…

Films That Would Make It But Didn’t “Technically” Come Out in 2019

Long Day’s Journey into Night

I already talked at length about this film, but I love it to pieces. It has twisted the visual language of cinema into its own beautiful and bizarre version, crafting a puzzle box of a movie that I absolutely adored. But, it technically came out at the end of 2018, so it can’t be on the list. 

Tigers Are Not Afraid

If you like foreign films, this is a must-see. If you like tragic dramas anchored by some terrific child actor performances, this is a must-see. If you like horror movies, well, it’s not really a horror movie but people keep describing it as one, so you should probably see it. It’s a beautiful little imaginative tale about the effects of the drug war on orphaned kids, and if you can catch it on streaming I would definitely check it out. But, even though it came out in limited release in August, it came out in Mexico in 2017, so I can’t include it. 

One Cut of the Dead 

Maybe the most original film I’ve seen in years? The first half is a terrific little zombie flick all in one camera shot, and somehow the second half expands on this and is ten times better. Watching this in a packed house was one of my favorite moviegoing experiences of the year. It’s one of the most funny and, again, original movies I’ve seen in years.  

Shadow

UGH ALL THE GREAT FOREIGN FILMS DIDN’T COME OUT IN 2019. Anyway this movie is incredible and is maybe the best use of grayscale I’ve seen in any film. 

Movies That Might’ve Made the List But I Sadly Have Not Seen Them Yet

Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Pain and Glory 

1917

Bad Education

Little Women

The Souvenir 

Okay, now onto the actual list…

10. Ad Astra

Brad Pitt and James Gray’s remake of Apocalypse Now in space is maybe the weirdest premise for a movie, and yet I really enjoyed Ad Astra. There’s clearly some touches of studio interference that make this movie worse (read: Brad Pitt’s narration), but the underlying themes of anxiety and depression are some of the best I’ve seen on screen. Couple that with Brad Pitt’s best performance of the year (yes), the visual splendor on display, and this movie is an easy inclusion in my top ten of the year. 

9. Uncut Gems

I need to go lie down. After really enjoying the Safdie Brothers’ previous films (Good Time and Heaven Knows What), I was really excited for this movie, and I was not let down. The frenetic, dare-I-say crackhead energy that the Safdies are able to convey in their films is immensely satisfying to watch, and the way Adam Sandler channels it is one of my favorite performances of the year. The last twenty minutes of this movie is just pure panic attack. 

8. The Irishman

Somehow Scorsese’s 209-minute long epic is one of the most watchable films of the year. This is just a terrific example of everyone firing on all cylinders; the performances are great, the script is great, the editing is unbelievable (this movie feels like it is two hours long), and the directing and thematic development towards the third act is some of Scorsese’s best.  

7. The Farewell

A calling card for director Lulu Wang as much as it is for Awkwafina in dramatic roles, The Farewell is an absolute delight. The family dynamics throughout all feel refreshingly authentic, and the film masterfully weaves between its comedic moments and tragic undertones. If it wasn’t for some choices made at the ending, this would probably rank higher on my list. 

6. El Camino

How bad was 2019 for film? A Breaking Bad movie is my sixth favorite film of the year. It doesn’t matter if we “needed” this movie or not, El Camino is just so incredibly well-made and enjoyable. It’s always a pleasure seeing something new in the Breaking Bad universe, but more than that I think this film is a genuinely beautiful swan song for one of the greatest characters in television.

5. Waves

This movie is meandering, aimless, pretentious, and completely style over substance. And yet, the last half hour of this movie hit me harder than almost anything this year. Regardless of how you feel about the characters, I feel like Waves has an overwhelmingly positive message in the end, which is to grow away from your hatred and learn to forgive and love. I’m sure many people will find the way this movie gets to that message to be kind of pointless and wandering, but to me it just turned a pretty good film into one of my favorites of the year. 

4. The Mustang

My local 3-screen art house closed in April of this year. I went there as often as I could, because they were the only theater in town that would play a lot of independent and foreign films. It was the first place I saw Roma, and the first (and, let’s face it, last) time I saw Stalker on the big screen. The last night they were open, I went and saw The Mustang, not based on anything to do with the movie, just because I wanted to be there one last time. It was completely sold out, far busier than I’d ever seen them. In the past I’d always had free roam of where to sit, but that last night I was in the third row from the front.  

If Ad Astra is about depression, then The Mustang is about anger, and learning to overcome your anger and grow as a person. It’s about a prison in Nevada that has a rehabilitation program where violent convicts train wild Mustangs, which are later sold to local ranches and farms. Roman (a terrific performance from Matthias Schoenaerts) is one such convict, and his personal struggle to overcome his anger is beautifully realized against the backdrop of having to fight a wild animal. (Seriously, he goes in swinging and it does not end well for him.) It’s a great story, and it’s a must-watch if you haven’t seen it. The emotional ending coupled with the fact that my favorite theater was closing left me a complete wreck when the credits rolled. (I’m starting to realize my top five films all just boil down to “the ending wrecked me”.) 

3. The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part

This is like The Mustang but for kids.

Okay okay, hear me out, I only saw this movie once when it first came out 11 months ago, and I’m not ever watching it again because I thought it was perfection. I feel like on a repeat visit the songs will become grating, the plot will feel ridiculous, and the themes of toxic masculinity that I appreciated so dearly will seem like faint whispers instead of clear subtext. And yet in the theater, I absolutely adored the songs and the plot and the clear subtext about being a better brother/man. The real-world parallels that were a surprise twist at the end of the first film are used beautifully in The Second Part, because the plot is simply just one big metaphor for a little sister who wants to play with her older brother. It’s touching, it’s funny, and it gets stuck inside your heart. It’s such a shame that the LEGO film franchise is all but dead, because if we had kept getting films like this, children’s movies would definitely be better for it. 

2. Parasite

Everything fantastic about this film has already been said about it by people far smarter than me, so I’ll just say this: it is every bit as amazing as people hyped it up to be. This movie is a biting satire, a laugh-out-loud comedy, and an edge of your seat thriller. It has left an imprint on my brain since I first saw it back in October, to the point where as much as I have tried to analyze and dissect, this film, I don’t know if there’s a single flaw with it, there’s genuinely nothing I would change about this movie. If you see one movie this year, it should be Parasite. 

1. The Last Black Man in San Francisco

In July of 2019, I had to make probably the biggest decision of my (brief) career thus far. I was going to leave my management position at a 24-screen theater I’d loved dearly to go work in an office. I loved everything about the movie theater, I’d worked there for almost four years, but at a certain point it just had diminishing returns. Newer upper management and constant changes coming down from the big-whigs had turned my favorite building into a place I started to resent, a place I didn’t recognize. I tried to fight the change, and re-institute everything I loved about this building that I practically grew up in, but you can’t fight change, and you shouldn’t romanticize the past.  

I’ve never seen these themes more realized in film than in The Last Black Man in San Francisco. It tells the story of Jimmie Fails, a native San Franciscan who has to watch the city he’s loved his whole life descend into a rapidly gentrified hellscape that leaves many homeless and helpless. He often visits his childhood home, a beautiful three-story house with a “witch hat” on top, now owned by an older white couple. This doesn’t stop him from romanticizing the house, romanticizing the past, as he constantly visits and attempts to fix up the house, oftentimes clashing with the current inhabitants. 

This disdain from the couple is an all-too-real parallel message that he’s getting from the city itself: You’re not welcome here anymore. Much as Jimmie has tied his identity to this home, and this city, he is hardly welcome in either. But for one brief instant, he gets to live his dream. The house gets stuck in a familial dispute, causing the older couple to move out. Leaving behind a big empty house that no one is occupying, Jimmie and his best friend Montgomery decide to just move right in, and have their way. They bring in all the old furniture from Jimmie’s childhood, they paint the walls, repair the original woodworking, all in service of Jimmie’s dream to simply exist in this space, and preserve something sacred.

Eventually though, reality comes crashing down, and try as he might, Jimmie can’t stay in the house, and he has to learn a hard truth: you cannot tie yourself emotionally to a physical space. Whether it’s a house, a city, a job, you simply cannot love something that doesn’t love you back. You will get hurt every time. 

But it’s so easy to love. It’s so easy to play the piano in the entranceway of your childhood home. It’s so easy to relax in the sauna upstairs, or smoke on the balcony, or just lay on the floor and admire the witch hat. The Last Black Man in San Francisco makes you fall in love with this house, and with Jimmie and Montgomery, and as much as we see ourselves in them, we too have to learn the same lessons. As much as we want to inhabit a space, and get the fullest potential out of it, you cannot ever stop change, and you cannot stand in the way of it without going insane. 

And maybe it was just because I was going through this personal development the first time I saw this movie, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. It stuck in my brain so much that by the time I saw it a second time, I was a complete mess; I cried four times. I cried for Jimmie, I cried for the house, and I cried for myself. I cried for the things we all lost, the things that would never be the same, and because we would have to learn to accept that. This is what’s so beautiful about The Last Black Man in San Francisco, and on top of the phenomenal acting, emotional script, and gorgeous visuals, it’s what made it my favorite film of the year.