#aren't computers clever

[themancorialist]

Piccadilly Gardens, Manchester

[gunstreet]

ok Jim’s face after Spock says the thing? and Spock smiling a bit when he turns back after Jim says the thing?? hello??

[sebsbarnes]

enticed || vincent renzi

vincent renzi x reader

summary: vincent can't help but struggle through work with you as the prosecutor

warnings: none

word count: 645

other vincent work ; masterlist

god, he fucking hated the way you sauntered down the hall. the sound of your heels clicking against the tile floor like some piece of music. the distant sound of your voice taunting him in a way you weren't even aware of. the perfume you wear somehow became the air in the hallway, it was floral with a hint of spice, and vincent knew it would be on his clothes.

court was out of session for the day which vincent was grateful for but also a part of him wanted to be back in the courtroom. something about watching you work was intoxicating. the way you would purse your lips, eyebrows pulled together, listening to the defendant speak. vincent would pace back and forth on the floor pausing to stop in front of you to emphasize a point. he was silly to think you give him any other look than that smug face you'd pull, eyes slightly narrowed, the corner of your lip turned toward the ceiling.

"maître renzi," you'd hum, the consonants and vowels have been spoken together many times but the way in which they floated off your tongue was a sound vincent had never heard before. as if his own name and title were foreign.

you would stand before him, only the wooden barrier blocking him from you. you spoke to the room and the judge arguing as the prosecution. the confidence you had was mesmerizing and vincent would watch as you stood mere inches from him and take in the way you stood tall, shoulders back, hand resting on the railing gesturing every so often. he found that his hand ached and his fingers longed to outstretch towards you, and just as his middle finger twitched up you would look down at him with a pleased smile and walk back to your seat saying, "maître? what do you have to say?"

truthfully, vincent had no fucking clue what to say. he was too busy watching you to even compute the words you had just spoken previously. nonetheless, he'd rise from his seat, push open the wooden gate, and approach the person he is supposed to be defending with his life. vincent would find some roundabout way to address whatever you may have talked about but he couldn't help notice the raised brow on your forehead as your eyes followed his pacing figure. he was caught, you weren't naive to the way you affected him. with each new case, you'd always hoped he would be on the opposing side.

"ah maître vincent," your voice rang out as he entered the room where you currently were gathering your belongings.

"please, it is just vincent. we've known each other long enough now, right?" vincent retorted, fixing the sleeves on his button-down.

you shrugged your bag onto your shoulder, "just showing my respect to someone who's been in the field longer than me. great work today, by the way," you paused briefly, "brought up some good points i hadn't considered."

vincent hesitated, his eyes examining your face, "you're teasing me, aren't you? you already knew my points of argument today before you even set me up for them."

he watched as your lips pulled into a wide grin and a soft laugh escaped your nose. you were clever and brilliant, far too good to be a prosecutor in a small idyllic town. these qualities only attracted vincent to you more. for months now he only ever knew you inside the courthouse and he hoped for the day he'd see you outside these walls.

you stepped towards him, placing a hand on his shoulder and bringing your lips dangerously close to his ear, and with a whisper you said, "goodnight, maître."

with a drop of your hand, you were no longer standing beside him, and once again the melody of piano music rang through the hallways.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

what are your thoughts on the ministrife situation? imo literally the worst fate for eridan to be damned to tbh

i think he will eventually (after <5 minutes) just shoot cronus and leave. (CW for mentions of abuse and cronus's romantic grossness and stuff under the cut).

Ignoring the extremely creepy and gross fact that Hussie doesn't seem to have a problem with the age gap (it's There, we've acknowledged that it's creepy and weird, i personally think it highlights how immature the dancestors are despite their physical age, and it actually serves to hint at how trash they are, but it's still really uncomfortable in the moment and never gets properly called out. In any case we've talked about it critically, we can move on and talk about characterization now), he and cronus are actually kind of polar opposites. Given that Cronus, along with many of the dancestors, are riffing on what the fandom interpretation of their Alternian counterparts are, it's kind of a fascinating look at all the things Eridan ISN'T.

The fandom (especially at the time) had flattened Eridan down to "overdramatic Nice Guy hipster who won't stop hitting on people," with varying degrees of sympathy. In other words, they took all of Eridan's outward presentation - the narration calling his genuine anxiety and distress "overblown emotional theatrics," the fact that his being rejected was a running gag - entirely at face value, while also missing what sort of archetype he was actually supposed to represent.

At no point does Eridan ever actually mention a hipster interest, like vintage clothes or indie media. It's all entirely in his design and Karkat calling him a hipster (it's not even in his character introduction), so presumably, it IS a part of his character (Karkat knows him really well), but it's probably a part he keeps to himself, like his love of wizards.

Moreover, he isn't really a Nice Guy. The closest he gets is thinking Nepeta owes him a chance for saving her life, but as far as we can tell, he only ever asked her once, got rejected, accepted that rejection, and has never taken out that rejection on her. When he complains about it, he frames it as a bitter "I guess what I did wasn't enough," not "she's an unreasonable witch withholding romance from me even though I'm so nice to her." All other romance attempts are crimes of... just being way too forward.

He bursts into Kanaya's DMs demanding she auspicetisize with Vriska because... that's what she likes to do, right? The same happens to Terezi in [S] Karkat: Wake Up. He comes on strong in Rose's DMs and after getting a little annoyance back, goes "wow, we kinda have something," and does not realize her blowing up his computer is a rejection because she didn't explicitly tell him no and he's a dumbass. And even though he's nasty at Sollux because emotionally, he's still bitter about Sollux "stealing" Feferi from him, at least CONSCIOUSLY he's recognized the rejection on both fronts and has repeatedly told Feferi that he has no more interest in getting back together with her, in spite of her recognizing that he's emotionally not over her. And speaking of Feferi, his confession to her is entirely genuine and respectful toward her feelings. At no point does he indicate that he feels like she owes him a date.

These aren't Nice Guy actions, they're "I have 0 social skills or self-awareness" actions. And also a little bit "due to my trauma and anxiety and desensitization to murder, I struggle to care about other people" actions. He's not even actually casteist or genocidal - I spent an entire essay arguing that.

But regardless, that's what the fandom ran with, in large part because they didn't bother reading between the lines. Ironically, like Eridan, they just believed what he told them. I don't even necessarily blame the fandom - at least part of this obfuscation was intentional, and a clever trick on the part of the writing. By highlighting Eridan at his worst, and having the narration be complicit in his self-delusion and mockery, the story is able to put the audience in the same mindset as his in-universe bullies - Eridan is dumb weirdo whose emotional problems are worthy of ridicule, not sympathy. Let's all point and laugh!

This sets up his meltdown to be more of a twist - even though his literal introduction is him killing something and talking about genocide, the very real danger he poses is forgotten both by the audience and the other characters because they've gotten so used to dismissing his feelings that they ignore his cries for help and the warning signals he gives off. And it makes his character more relevant and meaningful, because this happens in real life all the time - I'm sure we either all either knew, or were, the friendless weirdo at school who, upon reflection, definitely had either some bad shit going on at home or severe and untreated mental illness (or both).

The reason I'm bringing up this fandom misinterpretation is because, like a couple other dancestors, Cronus is very much a riff on the fanon version of his Alternian counterpart. Unlike Eridan, who's not actually casteist, but desperately trying to act the part, Cronus IS a casteist sea dweller who thinks he's better than lowbloods and land dwellers. Unlike Eridan, who seeks emotional connections with others, and accepts rejections, Cronus is only looking for some action, and keeps trying even well after he knows he's been rejected. Unlike Eridan, who's so consumed by anxiety and trauma that he's pretty much unable to function properly, Cronus DOES exaggerate his problems and explicitly leverage them for attention and sympathy. And unlike Eridan, who feels crushed under the weight of duty and responsibility, and tends to blame himself when things go wrong, Cronus refuses to take responsibility for anything, immediately blaming anybody BUT himself.

They're practically exact opposites, and this is, again, a clever trick on the part of the writing. It's an excellent usage of a foil: though superficially similar, the differences between these two really serves to highlight just how much Eridan is NOT the things that Cronus IS.

And it's especially interesting given that Eridan spent his entire life trying to emulate Dualscar, to the point of modeling his outfit after the guy. To him, it was not only his duty, but his inevitable fate, to wind up as Dualscar's successor. And when he finally meets the guy in person, his opinion is "even I think you're trash."

If that isn't a form of rejecting the values his society has told him repeatedly that he has to uphold, maybe in the service of perhaps setting up some sort of redemption arc or something, I don't know what is.

I've seen people point to this moment as kind of a hee haw funny one-off joke, look at how little Hussie cares about Eridan, but that's not what it is to me. You don't really need to say anything more about their relationship to each other. Eridan thinks Cronus (and by extension, everything Cronus stands for - and everything Eridan has tried to be) is garbage, but is lonely and friendless and desperate enough that he feels pushed into accepting it anyway. It's extremely consistent with his characterization and character arc.

So uh, yeah. Join me next time for more deep dives on how this funny innocuous thing in Homestuck actually Means Something.

[a-sterling-rose]

Danny Phantom Writing Prompt: The Lack of a Hero Complex

Once Danny publicly shames Vlad into returning the status quo of Amity Park, Danny also stops ghost fighting.

The Human Trio and Vlad confront Danny about his lack of action. The Human Trio finally gets a taste of the sleep deprivation Danny experienced when he didn't want to burden them from their schedules while the property damage continued to tarnish Vlad's public reputation. Danny just laughs.

Sam, completely livid at the lack of reaction: Who’s going to protect the town, Danny?

Danny gets up from the couch and looks directly into Vlad's eyes: Yeah, Vlad, how do you plan on protecting your town?

Danny lightly chuckles while he goes down to the lab where the Fenton Parents were working. He was just gonna play on the family computer while his Dad would boast about their latest idea.

The human trio:

Vlad:

When the ghosts who come to directly harass Danny, he decides he just needs to be completely honest with each of them.

Danny: Listen, I'll admit I kinda had fun with the bantering, but I want to focus on better things now. I was never really interested in any of you.

The Ghosts:

The results?

Vlad has to set up legit ghost detectors all over the city and properly hire the Fentons for protection. Vlad hoped that the hiring would gain him favor from Maddie, but he finally got to see how she really was compared to his idealized version. Their constant public damages made Vlad's reputation even more tarnished, and their lack of change despite him personally talking to them about it makes him grow equal resentment towards both of them. It gets to the point where Vlad just sets up the same ecto repellent he uses to keep ghosts from escaping his portal back in Winsconsin. The extra paperwork he has to do now governing is not worth the mess he caused. Political power wasn't as worth it as he thought it would be.

The Human Trio gave Danny the cold shoulder for a while, but that just gave him some well needed alone time to raise his grades. He even finally got to join the astronomy club like he planned before the portal accident. They were a very chill group and welcomed him to sit with them at lunch, so he was never alone. Dash tried to start their usual routine, but that was immediately hauled by the club leader.

Dash wasn't clever enough to figure out how to respond to being called 'Pussy Lips' by a girl, so he just kinda sulked away.

Dash will say the occasional snarky comment, but he never bring himself to get too close to Danny after a club member told Danny to tell Dash and the other football players they could take turns sucking him off after their club meeting. Dash just wasn't clever enough to get things back to normal.

Though the club members weren't A-listers, they weren't at the bottom, so Danny social life became better.

The Human Trio tried to continue on like before, but they were soon caught ghost hunting by the Fentons. There was no punishment, just overactive excitement, seeing they were finally interested in Ghost Hunting. Now, having to join the Fentons whenever there was a ghost detected, the fun of it is zapped away for them, making the tiredness not worth it anymore. The three eventually apologized to Danny, which he accepts, and the group finally accepts the new changes.

There are many things that can upset a ghost, but the universal act that can anger any core is being ignored. Even with the ecto repellent, the stronger ghosts manage to get through and try to get Danny's attention. The boy always just texts Vlad about how he sucks at his job and to take care of the disruption. The ghost eventually pick up that their violent outburst aren't working, so it gets to the point that they try to get his attention another way.

They tried to coax him with things they believed he liked. It is comparable to how Hyper Cat-lovers try to get a shy cat to love them.

Lunch Lady offers him a freshly made meal when he's low on money one day. He thanks her but says he had a big breakfast.

Ember tries to act like their best friends in front of the A-listers, so Danny will become more popular at school. He greets her but continues on his stroll like she was a typical citizen.

Technus offers to give Danny the answer key to all the tests for his classes, but he denies this offer instantly. He'll never cheat on a test ever again.

It got to the point that Skulker said he would drop the promise of getting Danny's pelt if he just let him see his ghostly form. Creeped out, Danny just backed away. He was thankful Valerie was close by.

Box Ghost actually got somewhere when he offered a three-dimensional solar system model. It was in a box he had, so Box Ghost offered it to Danny. He accepted it as the one in the club was showing its age.

This seemed to make these random ghost visits even more frequent. Danny guessed Box Ghost bragged about his 'accomplishment'.

Basically, the ghosts' obsession to defeat Danny changes to them wanting his attention. Vlad’s obsession becomes solely focused on Danny as he just finds Maddie and Jack so annoying now. Like, Vlad just wants to get custody of Danny and get the hell out of Amity Park. He doesn't even want to kill the Fentons now out of fear that they will become ghosts.

After the Ember incident, the A-listers kept trying to buddy up to him. However, Danny learned how they really were, so he just treated them the way he treated ghosts. Now, it seemed they were just as desperate.

Danny will turn into Phantom only when it's necessary, that or he's in the mood to fly. The downside to this change is that whenever he does transform, he always has an entourage of attention-starved ghosts following behind him. He can't even imagine how things would be if he went to the Ghost Zone.

Additions:

For those who want to know the members of the astronomy club-

For those who want to see the club room-

[cyle]

Hi, how have you been?

So, pornbots are so last epoch. Apparently what's all the rage with the bots is ... amazon warehouse job openings??? Have you seen these guys? They're all over my For You page, using usual bot tags (meme lol funny cat) which aren't even tags I follow or that the people I follow use, so, that's interesting.

Anyway, the main question was: for these waves of bots, around how many users send in a report before staff gets to dealing with it? Not in a "staff is lazy/slow/whatever" way, but in a "how much public do these bots actually reach with these strata before being wiped?" Sure, not everyone will report, but this could give some estimate, couldn't it?

there is no threshold, because we're looking at every report we get. the vast majority of spam is "dealt with" before anyone even sees it, actually. what you end up seeing is the stuff that somehow made it through, because spammers are always changing their tactics, faster than we can keep up sometimes. it's a never-ending war. we are always dealing with it, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

sometimes it takes us time to clean it up, because we have to target it in a way that doesn't cause collateral damage, and that can be really difficult. because spammers are clever, and try to look just like normal users. it may seem obvious to you that it's spam, but it's rarely obvious to a computer once it's cut through existing detection methods, which is why it's such a prevalent problem across the internet. AI-generated spam is only making it worse.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Do you have any advice on writing a lovable protag that's not...idk good at anything and doesn't get good? I'm trying to subvert the idea that you need to have some amazing skill or power to be a hero because *I* don't feel like I have some special skill and I've always wanted a character like that, a hero that could be anyone, even someone struggling.

Lovable Protagonist with "No Skills"

Well... even if you don't feel like you have any good skills... you know, like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills... that doesn't mean there aren't things you could bring to the table in a particular situation. For example, you may not be pretty good with a bo staff, but you might be good with numbers, think fast on your feet, or super resourceful. I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn't have anything to offer, even if it wasn't something that would qualify as an amazing skill or power.

That said, it's worth considering what other strengths your character can bring to the table in whatever situation they're in and focus on those. But, you can also find clever ways to highlight the fact that they don't have any of those traditional heroic powers, like super strength, martial art mastery, or skill with a particular weapon. And, if it makes sense for your character and story, you could absolutely show them trying to learn a particular skill and failing miserably, but then you can shift the focus on whatever it is they can do well. Maybe they're good leaders or good at strategy, or maybe they're simply a great support person. All that matters--if they're the hero--is that whatever it is they can (or can't) do allows them to be the primary one making the decisions and actions that move the story forward.

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

LEARN MORE about WQA

SEE MY ask policies

VISIT MY Master List of Top Posts

COFFEE & FEEDBACK COMMISSIONS ko-fi.com/wqa

[electronickingdomfox]

"Spock, Messiah!" review

This novel was written in 1976 by Theodore Cogswell and Charles Spano. The Enterprise crew is experimenting with some new brain implants, that are each attuned to one native of the planet Kyros, to acquire the same knowledge, personality and behaviour of the alien, and thus mingle better with them to study the Kyrosian culture. But everything backfires horribly when Spock gets the personality of a madman with messianic aspirations, and becomes the planet's tyrant.

The best thing of this book is that UK cover above, with fabulous Spock. Do not read this book under any circumstances. No, really, it's pretty bad, and Spock is barely in it. Though the novel has a few saving graces so I'll begin with those:

The Good: The story is entertaining enough, with a clever twist at the end. And even if the concept of having Spock as the villain or under some sort of mind control is nothing new, at least the Klingons aren't behind it for a change.

The culture of the Kyrosians is well developed and vividly described. As well as the intricacies of Federation's technology, if you're into that (I'm not, so I can't tell if the science is sound or not). Descriptions are too detailed for my taste, but your mileage may vary. Anyway, the action and danger keep things interesting.

Also Kirk is a history nerd.

The Bad: The authors don't seem to know or understand the characters. Scotty has red hair (?????). I guess because they wanted him to be as stereotypically Scottish as possible. Kirk refers to Spock as a living computer all the time, which is something that only McCoy would do, and only in jest. And in general, characters aren't... in-character.

The brain implant would have been a good idea to behave as a native and respect the Prime Directive, if the natives had at least been notified and agreed to it. As it is in the book, it's a flagrant violation of privacy. The Enterprise crewmembers are tapping into the aliens' emotions, memories and behaviours with no consent at all. Good job, Starfleet.

There's also some crap about Vulcans. Supposedly, Vulcans are biologically unable to feel emotions (no, they don't, it's just they're good at supressing them) and also have zero sexual urges outside pon farr (yeah, tell that to Amanda).

Which reminds me, the horniness level of this novel is absolutely off the charts. I don't think even the TMP novelization comes close. We have Kirk in the shower, feeling water massaging his "taut, muscular body". Though that's more or less in line for Kirk. But then we also have lurid descriptions of Spock having sex with a woman (non-consensual on Spock's side of course). A female ensign jumping naked to swim in a lake for absolutely no reason, or doing a full striptease before a horde of dangerous, hostile warriors. Chekov, naked from waist down, getting a hipo-spray in his ass right in the Transporter room, in front of everyone (okay, this was funny, but couldn't it wait for sickbay?). As well as the implication that Chekov got a cavity search from some guards. Yeah, I know the original show addressed sexual issues sometimes, but it was never this crass. This stuff is fine for adult fics, but here feels out of place.

All this would be somehow understandable if the writers had never seen Star Trek and were just doing a job. But it's obvious from references to other episodes that they've actually seen it. It's just they didn't understand shit.

The Awful: Almost every time Uhura or Sulu appear, they're referred to as "the black woman" or "the Oriental". Anyone who has seen five minutes of the series knows that Uhura is black and Sulu is asian, but reminding the reader of this fact all the time, kind of defeats the reason why Roddenberry wanted them on the bridge in the first place. Anyway, since Uhura and Sulu barely appear in the story, racism doesn't escalate beyond that. But then there's...

Ensign George. A female crewmember who is used to exemplify rampant sexism and misogyny galore. And since she's a regular character, there's plenty of opportunities for that. Every five pages or so, she loses her clothes, or is scantily clothed, or being harassed by leering men (including McCoy and Chekov). All of this, however, is fine since she's really slutty (actually not, she's being influenced by another person's mind). The writers run out of adjectives for her body: "sensous, voluptous, delicious". At one point, she literally says that it was "her fault" that Chekov got into a fight to protect her from a sexual assault (it would have been more noble for Chekov if he wasn't also harassing her two minutes earlier).

And how did Ensign George end up a regular in the story? She's interested in Spock, but as her real self is quite shy, she links herself to a seductive Kyrosian to get her abilities. Their personalities are too opposite though, so she loses control and ends up having sex with Spock. The incident leaves her ashamed and traumatized. What would the sensible thing to do? Remove her implant immediately and restore her to her normal self, right? Well, no. Let's leave it in her, so she can be used by Kirk and co. as sex object to bargain with the natives, should the need arise. The real Kirk would NEVER, you bastards!

Did I also mention that Kirk uses counterfeit money to reinstate a Kyrosian doctor in his clinic, after such doctor was expelled for drinking and abusing young women? Yeah...

If anyone thinks the original TOS was sexist, just compare notes with this novel. And remember, this book came ten years later. For my part, Cogswell & Spano can stick their writing up there where Chekov got the hypo-spray.

Spirk Meter: 1/10*. Kirk seems annoyed about women finding Spock attractive, and the one thing he can't believe is that Spock slept with one. Messiah Spock may be planning a war and conquest on a planet, that's possible, but this one thing has to be "an hallucination, as impossible as Spock flying". Kirk also sighs his name the first time their eyes meet, after being turned into the Messiah. However, most of the time, Spock is treated just as an enemy to defeat, and Kirk even coldly suggests killing him if necessary.

On the other hand, one has to wonder what's going on between Kirk and McCoy. The doctor is described as Kirk's only friend aboard (everyone hates Spock in this book), and the only one around whom Kirk can be emotional. The two of them spend a lot of time drinking alone in Kirk's quarters. The doctor enters uninvited while Kirk sleeps and wakes him with coffee. And he seemingly stays there while Kirk strips to enter the shower.

There's also a little bit, about McCoy being afraid of showing his "true feelings" for Spock.

*A 10 in this scale is the most obvious spirk moments in TOS. Think of the back massage, "You make me believe in miracles", or "Amok Time" for example.

[twotailednekomata]

AvA/M Headcanon List

This might be added on as I think of more but I want to throw my thoughts out there.

Overdramatic!Victim. Just Overdramatic!Victim. Sure, 90% of time he is serious, calculated and clever but every once and a while he slips into a more... needlessly dramatic persona.

Victim has a collar/necklace that can project a holographic pair of wings as well as a halo. And the wings aren't even perfect as one of them has the appearance that it's broken (to fully lead into the whole 'fallen angle' thing).

On top of that, he has a pair of contacts that glow a bright blue to add to the ✨ atmosphere ✨

For example: The door swings open as you push your way into the Boss' room. The space is covered in shadow, the only light being from the open door and the green-blue emitting from the Boss' computer. A hint of blue before a flash as a single, bright blue line makes itself known. The Boss slightly tilts his head and rest it on interlocked fingers. Broken wings flap out and an arc appears. He only needs to utter a single line: "Is it ready?"

The high ranking employees and mercs are used to this type of bullshit from Victim. Do not mind the Boss, he is just getting his fix in.

(Look, I never had a Fanon!Victim so Overdramtic!Victim is all I have. In a sense, that means my Fanon!Victim and Canon!Victim are the same stick)

On one last note: Victim loves Classic Disney movies for their villains (as well as villain songs). I have not seen Wish (and have zero intentions to) but, based on what I've heard, I think Victim will have miserable time with that movie.

Not necessarily AvM specific, neather wart tastes like very chalky liver with a tiny but noticeable fermented meat taste.

Because Blue is seen slipping neather wart into food, I wouldn't be surprised if one of two things happens: 1., The Colour Gang pick out and push aside any bits of neather wart they find, which causes Blue to ask if and why they aren't eating it (the others will always politely decline) before he does the sibling thing of eating the unwanted leftovers themself. 2., The CG unknowingly eat small bits and pieces of neather wart which causes them to develop a slight resistance to its effects. i.e it will take a more potent dose of a potion for the CG to get the standard 3-minute effect than a stick that never had nether wart.

(Actually, via that logic, that means Blue's potions must be potent as fuck for him to even get a minute worth of effects. Pal's munching neather wart all day and night and, for addictions, you need a higher quantity of the addicting item in order to feel the same high effects you did day 1)

Purple has a casual interest in plants, flowers to be specific. They enjoy decorating with them and admiring them and I can see them and Blue bonding over that.

Blue's pupils are swirls with a reddish tint that makes them appear a deep lavender colour. I'm also toying with the idea that they change colour depending on his emotions.

This is my boy Soot (Nickname: Canary) and if anything happens to him, I will kill everyone in this room and then myself (/joking)

Red is so youngest sibling coded, I can't ฅ(≈≧ܫ≦≈)/

Likewise, Green gives off 'chill, oldest brother' vibes. Although, whether or not he is actually 'chill' is a whole other story.

(He and Red feel like the ones that will 'fight first, talk later' in a heated argument. Like, they are the quickest ones to get into a fight.)

Yeah, Blue's lower half is as burnt as overcooked pizza (to put it lightly)

[fizzycherrycola]

Post whatever Prussia headcanons you've been waiting to talk about but never got the chance. :)

Thank you anon this is just what I need ❤

Before losing his nationhood, Prussia would wake up at 5AM everyday for morning exercises. A five kilometre run, followed by squats, push-ups, deadlifts, bicep curls, and a slew of others. Germany learned this workout routine from watching his older brother and he still follows it to this day. Prussia on the other hand doesn't exercise very much anymore, preferring instead to sleep in and scroll social media from his bed. But if Germany invites him to the gym, he'll go without hesitation.

The idiot (affectionate) thinks he's very good at flirting, but he absolutely is not. This works out fairly well, since he doesn't take very many romantic partners anyway, and when he does, it's usually someone who already has a longstanding friendship with him, like Hungary, England, etc.

Prussia has a history with alcohol. Monkhood and military life required intense discipline, so beer became his way to unwind after a long day of work. His metabolism slowed after 1945 and now he doesn't drink as much as he used to because the hangovers just aren't worth it.

Because he enjoys journaling, and has kept up the habit for centuries, he has fantastic penmanship, probably the best in Europe and it drives the aristocratic Austria a little insane.

He's devilishly clever on the battlefield and studying wartime manoeuvres is his type of fun. Without checking his phone, he can explain to you exactly why Napoleon Bonaparte was both a genius and a terrible threat. As a result, he loves grand strategy games, both tabletop and computer kinds.

Unfortunately, because his inevitable death is a constant concern, he has a touch of depression. He manages it with hobbies, live music, journaling, and crashing with his friends. Staying indoors all day seems to make it worse for him, so he tries to get out as much as possible.

Adding to this, his natural personality is not very punk or rebellious at all. He likes order and organization, but he began slacking off and acting out only after 1990, and it's a symptom of depression that he still occasionally struggles with.

[fantastic-rambles]

Fandom: Durarara!!

Characters: Izaya Orihara, Shizuo Heiwajima, Others (mentioned)

Warnings: Attempted Suicide, Physical Disability, Threats of Violence

Word Count: 1.9k

Summary: [Post-Canon, light Izaya novel spoilers] When it seems like the end of the world is nigh, Izaya finds himself drawn back to Ikebukuro. Even so, the last thing he expects is for Shizuo to actively seek him out and for the both of them to have a relatively civil and honest conversation. [Written for Shizaya Week 2023 | Day 4: end of the world AU @shizayasweek]

- - - - - - - - - -

Heavy steps sounded on the fire escape, but Izaya didn't even glance toward them as he perched on the railing on the roof of the building. He didn't need to: he used to hear them at least once a week, accompanied by the roar of a monster as it chased after him with a single-minded determination. Even when they stopped right behind him and the back of his neck prickled, he didn't turn around, simply continuing to gaze out over the city filled with the humans he loved.

"Thought I told you to stay out of 'bukuro."

The usual rage was conspicuously absent from the rumbling voice, and Izaya heard some rustling followed by the click of a lighter. Then, Shizuo exhaled heavily, and the faint smell of acrid smoke drifted past Izaya before the railing creaked as the other man leaned against it.

"Those things will kill you, you know."

A low chuckle.

"Doesn't matter now, does it?"

It didn't. Nothing did. All of Izaya's plots, his failed attempts at permanence, his determination to stay away from this place… all blown away by the vicissitudes of fate. He hadn't thought that he had any lingering attachment to this place, but once the news had been announced, he'd found himself drawn back.

Idly, he wondered where the others had gone. Sozoro was easy enough to figure out: home to his family, bringing Haruto and Himari with him. The boy didn't know what was going on, other than a new adventure, which was probably for the best, but Himari was a bit more clever than him. Nec… perhaps she would retreat to the world inside her computer, along with Tsukumoya. He'd released all of them from their obligations to him and made his way here alone. And that was how he'd expected things to end.

He hadn't counted on Shizuo showing up. But then again, he had never been able to predict what went on in the protozoan's head.

"Shouldn't you be with someone else? Your owner? Or your lady friend?"

Another slow inhale, and Izaya chanced a glance at the other man, finding his brows furrowed as he lowered his cigarette from his lips. He looked confused, the expression so familiar and amusing that Izaya had to hold back a laugh as he shifted his gaze back toward the humans rushing around beneath them.

"You mean Tom-san? And Vorona?" Shizuo finally asked, still sounding uncertain, and Izaya did laugh then. But it lacked its usual sarcastic bite, sounding not quite natural or genuine.

"Sure. Or even Shinra and Celty. There are plenty of people who care about you, so why would you want to spend your last moments with me? Or have you not heard that there's a meteorite on a direct path to wipe out all life on earth? Or at least, a significant chunk of it?"

"I heard. But I also got a feeling you were back. Figured I'd try to snap your neck one last time, for old time's sake."

A heavy hand landed on Izaya's neck as if to make good on the threat, the fingers that wrapped around his throat nearly encircling it. Izaya remained relaxed, though, his eyes following a bright red car that wove through the traffic.

"And it seems like you'd let me."

Izaya shrugged.

"If I had to choose between you and a meteorite, you don't sound too bad. Of course, I'd rather be killed by a human, but a monster's better than a glorified rock, at least."

"Then why aren't you down there? With your humans?"

Izaya did sigh then, shaking his head in disappointment. Shizuo had always been a bit dumb, but this much? He hadn't thought that it was possible for him to overestimate the man, but yet again, Shizuo was managing to defy his expectations.

"Do you really think that I can go around asking people to kill me, pretty, pretty please? Humans are selfish, Shizu-chan: I thought that you, of all people, would know that. Now that we're facing the end of the world, there's nothing that I could offer anyone to convince them to put some time and effort toward satisfying my ego. Besides, I've already been stabbed once, and if I'm going to die, I'd rather it be quick and painless."

"You probably deserved it."

"I did, but that's beside the point. So now that we've cleared that up, can you just put us both out of our misery and go back to whoever's waiting for you?"

But the hand released him, falling back down to the railing as Shizuo continued to stand beside him, looking out over the temples to human conceit that would soon be erased. The vast reservoirs of human knowledge, the technology that held everything together, the richness of their emotions… it was a waste. Even if halfway intelligent life re-evolved on this planet, it would take at least another couple hundred thousand years, and all of this would be little more than dust.

“Thought you’d be in a shelter or something. Shinra was saying that there was a chance of survival if people did something like that. There’s a bunch of old ones from the war, right?”

“Me? A shelter? Please, Shizu-chan. I love humans, but that doesn’t mean I want to be crammed together with them, surrounded by the heat of all those bodies and the wailing of children and babies. Besides, if they did survive, they’d end up in a deserted world, scratching for a living, suffering, living quick, cruel lives… that’s not for me. I suppose a monster like you wouldn’t understand, though. You probably don’t even need a shelter to survive.”

“Maybe,” Shizuo agreed with a slow nod. “I guess we’ll find out.”

“You mean you’ll find out.”

Izaya slid off the railing, stumbling slightly when his feet hit the concrete, but his grip on the metal kept him from collapsing. His wheelchair sat on the other side of the barrier, and he leaned over the edge of the building, his arms stretched to their full length as he continued to watch the humans scuttle around beneath him. There was something wonderfully ironic about this situation: he’d brought Kamichika to a similar place before, just to see what she would do when she was entirely disillusioned, her sophomoric self laid bare.

Ah, perhaps he should have reached out to Mamiya. She might have been willing to kill him, but then again, wouldn’t it be far more amusing for her to have her revenge denied? Ahhhh, if there was an afterlife, then he’d love to meet her again there and see her reaction. To him, to everything, to the afterlife she only half-believed in, the death she failed to respect.

And then he let go, his fingers falling open before he began to fall forward, a half-smile on his lips. There was a screeching sound behind him before his descent came to an abrupt stop, his right arm feeling as though it had been nearly jerked out of the socket.

“The fuck you doing, flea???”

Bemused, Izaya glanced over his shoulder. The railing was bent where Shizuo must have lunged against it to grab his wrist, his monstrous strength easily holding Izaya up with one hand.

“Dying, right?” he asked as if it wasn’t patently obvious. “I can’t get someone else to kill me, and I can’t get you to kill me. It’s rather anticlimactic, but despite what you may believe, I am a human, unlike you, so I’d still rather do it myself than wait for the strike and the tsunami and the heat wave or whatever to take me out.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Izaya blinked.

“Well, I have a host of issues, but none related to the current situation. But what’s wrong with you? Ever since I met you, it was ‘die, die, die,’ and now that I’m doing just that, you’re stopping me?”

“Like I can just stand by and watch someone die in front of me!”

“Oh? What about all the people down there? They’re all going to die soon, too. Or have you developed some sort of supernatural powers while I’ve been away, enough to pulverize the meteorite or divert it from its course? Can you save all of them? What’s the difference if I die now, or in a couple hours?”

“That’s… that’s not the point!”

Shizuo’s chest heaved as he backed up, pulling Izaya back onto the ledge, though he didn’t let go of him.

“Why are you so determined to die?” he demanded, and Izaya sighed.

“Actually, I would prefer not to,” he explained, speaking slowly as if he were addressing a particularly stupid child. “But at this point, it’s impossible to avoid. So if I’m going to die, I’d rather do it in a way that I like.”

“But why won’t you at least try to live?”

“As I said, it’s impossible. I’m not a monster like you.”

Ahhhhh, this was why he hated Shizuo. Most stupid people were easy to deal with, because they didn’t try to pretend to be human. They were fine with being wrapped up in themselves and only caring about others when it benefited them. But Shizuo was so determined to prove that he was something that he wasn’t, which led him to do even more stupid things that proved he wasn’t human.

And then he was tugged closer, pulled against Shizuo’s chest, and his flickblade was in his hand, slashing at the other man, just like old times. Except Shizuo didn’t let go, only catching Izaya’s wrist and squeezing it until he dropped the weapon as blood trickled down from the cut on his cheek.

“You said it, right? I might be able to survive even out here. So if you’re with me, maybe you can live, too.”

“I don’t want to. What’s the point of living in a ruined world with a monster?” Izaya snapped acidly, struggling in the other man’s grip. But he’d never dreamed of being able to fight against Shizuo head-on, and with his legs as they were now, that was even more unlikely. All he could do was pound a fist weakly against a chest that felt as hard and immovable as concrete. "If you’re looking for someone to go to hell with you, I’m sure that there are plenty of people who would be delighted to oblige.”

“I don’t want to live with you, either. But if I can save one person, then it’ll be worth it, even if it’s you. And maybe that would be what both of us deserve, after everything we’ve done. If we’re the only ones left, we can’t hurt anyone else. Or maybe we’ll both die, and that will just be the end of it. But I’m not going to leave you alone. Who knows what the fuck you’d get up to?”

Izaya’s scowl deepened. Pointless sentiment, the monster looking to assuage its misplaced guilt… fine, but why did he have to be dragged into it? He’d never felt any remorse for the things he’d done, standing above the humans and watching them scramble frantically beneath him. He didn’t need forgiveness or repentance. He'd always lived simply as he wanted to, even knowing that it meant taking on his beloved humans' feelings, both positive and—more often—negative.

"Let me go."

"No."

"Let me go!"

"No. Come on, I-za-yaaa, let's face the end together."

Braced against Shizuo's chest, Izaya didn't have any choice in the matter, and they eventually ended up on the ground, waiting with Izaya half in Shizuo's lap. Then, as they watched, a false sunrise lit up the horizon, setting the sky aflame.

[dzamie]

That "fourth person pronoun" post is going to stick in my mind. Like, don't get me wrong, I understand the thrill of being the first generation to radically change something big - I remember all the hype around being "digital natives" only for people to realize that, wait, millenials generally think of a computer like magic, but just predictable magic.

But damn. "Chat is a fourth person pronoun because it's used to address an audience that's (diagetically) not there?" Fuck you, in that case, "gentle" is a fourth person pronoun because of Robin Goodfellow's monologue, "Gentles, do not reprehend / If you pardon, we will mend." There is no difference between that and "Don't worry, chat, I'll get it next time."

Also, MULTIPLE people in the replies to that one post about it trying to say that "fourth person pronoun is when the narrator uses we/us"? No, you utter, simple fools, those are still first person plural pronouns.

I can only take solace that tumblr is so abysmally bad at math that their attempts to be clever at it aren't as infuriating as this.

[script-a-world]

Submitted via Google Form:

Would it be plausible I had a world where most people were monolingual but any given 1000 population, there would be at least 20 languages spoken. People can interact because of translators they wear in gadgets like headphones and glasses, the rich might get them as brain implants that connect to their eyes/ears. It's supposed to be well established and had been the norm for hundreds of years. So, obviously that's a lot of time to work out the technology and gather enough data for good accuracy. Thing is, language is living and grows. Does this mean this is a society that is slow to adapt language changes because new language use can't get spread very easily any tech can easily get caught up with unexpected new vocabulary until it gets properly added with accuracy. Another thing I'm wondering about. All this tech is in their disposal. How is language learning even going to start for a baby? How does the whole language education work?

Utuabzu: So, one of the first things you should know here is the basic characteristics of natural languages: they are infinite, creative and arbitrary. Infinite means that any concept a human can imagine can be communicated by any natural language. It may require more or less time and verbiage to do so depending on the language in question's structure and available vocabulary, but it can still be done. Creative means that new words and grammatical forms can always be created by the speech community, and the structure and vocabulary can and will change to suit their needs. Arbitrary just means that there's no necessary connection between sound or sign shape and meaning. Eg. There's no logical reason why the sound /kæt/ should mean 'cat', there's nothing about that syllable that has any objective connection to a small domesticated feline. 

All this makes it really hard for computers to understand natural language. The meanings of words and structures are arbitrary and fluid, changing not only over time but also between contexts and regions. Unless someone is speaking very literally, using standard grammatical forms and a standard accent, it's really hard for computers to parse human speech. Those of us who aren't American can attest to that. The bigger problem, however, is that AIs don't understand metaphor and allusion. Which people use all the time. A lot of the common metaphors and references you use every day are not necessarily going to be transferable even between dialects of the same language, let alone entirely different ones, because they are reliant on shared background cultural knowledge. In order to translate this, an AI would actually need to understand not just what has been said, but what was meant. Which requires a theory of mind sophisticated enough that it's at least as clever as a human.

Another issue is that the translations will not be able to be simultaneous, because different languages have different basic syntactic structures. Eg. English has a SVO syntax, meaning that the most basic sentence structure is subject-verb-object, "I eat breakfast", while Japanese is SOV, subject-object-verb  "僕はご飯を食べる", literally "I breakfast eat". If trying to translate that back to English, you have to either mangle English syntax, or wait until the end of the sentence so that you have your verb. 

More complex sentences and other syntactic structures can make this even more complex. German has V2 syntax, which means the verb occupies the second position, but complicates this by saying that if there's an auxiliary verb - one that modifies the main verb - that takes the second position and the main verb gets shoved right to the end. To further complicate matters it considers dependant clauses (the little mini-sentences that we separate from the main one with commas or connecting words like 'and', 'or', 'but', etc.) to fill a position, usually the first. This means any German sentence of any significant complexity is going to shuffle the word order in increasingly complex ways, and often will require the listener to wait until the very end to get the actual main verb. Which means you definitely could not just word-for-word translate German to English without ending up with the kind of word salad old machine translators like the early versions of Google translate used to give you.

I used German as an example not just because of its unusual word order, but also to make a point. German and English are actually very closely related languages. If you listen closely to spoken German, particularly Low German dialects, you'll probably be able to make out a fair number of words, especially if you're a native English speaker and particularly if you're familiar with some of the Northern English dialects. But the syntax is radically different. English and German split maybe 1500-2000 or so years ago, and have remained in relatively close contact. Other languages split much longer ago and have been isolated from one another for far longer.

Matters further complicate when you account for the fact that quite a few languages don't have a set word order. These are called Free Word Order languages, and they generally rely on systems like case marking and verb inflection to clarify what position a given word is filling, with word order often serving to emphasise certain parts of a sentence or no purpose at all.

So, whatever translators you have cannot function completely simultaneously. There will be a delay just because of differences in the basic syntactic structures of even closely related languages. With that done, we'll move on to First Language Acquisition.

First Language Acquisition - usually shortened to FLA - is the process by which human infants and young children acquire their first language(s). Note that parenthesis, because children can acquire more than one first language, and unlike what people used to believe this does not impede their ability to master any of them. In many parts of the world it's not uncommon for a ten year old to be proficient in 5 or more languages.

Linguists say that very young children acquire their first languages because it is a very different process to learning languages later in life. Later on life language needs to be actively taught, with systems like syntax and new vocabulary explained. The best way to do this is the subject of an entire field of scholarship. First Language Acquisition, on the other hand, is a more passive process. Human infants are hardwired for language and pick it up mostly just through observation and trial-and-error. When exposed to new structures and vocabulary they will try to incorporate them into their repertoire, using them first in very generalised ways before learning the more specific rules that govern them. Notably, multilingual children instinctively separate the vocabulary and structures of different languages, not just on an abstract level. The human brain stores different languages in physically different parts of the brain, which is why brain damage can impair the processing and production of one language and not another.

So even if the first generation of people in this community are monolingual and entirely reliant on AI translators, the second and succeeding generations will almost certainly be multilingual. It's unlikely that anyone would be fluent in 20 or more languages even as an adult, but a half dozen as a child would be perfectly reasonable. Convenience and the need to be able to speak precisely and without translation error will also result in the designation of at least one de facto lingua franca, an auxiliary language that most people speak reasonably well, but isn't most people's home language or heritage language. A community can have more than one lingua franca, used for different purposes. You might have one for casual conversation in the markets and public spaces, one for higher education and scholarship, one for government and law, one for arts and high culture, one for a specific industry, etc. 

This is a division of domains, physical and conceptual spaces that tend to dictate language choice. Even if you're monolingual, domain impacts the registers you use. You instinctively speak differently at home to your family than you do in a public place to a total stranger, and differently again to a judge in a courtroom. A society in which separate languages are employed in different domains is said to be polyglossic, and polyglossia is not uncommon around the world, and can be stable over long periods. Nor is it new, the earliest evidence we have for it is in ancient Mesopotamia, where even after Akkadian had become the majority first language, Sumerian retained dominance in the religious domain for a further two thousand years, until the rise of Christianity and the decline - in many cases outright suppression - of traditional Mesopotamian religion caused a linguistic shift. Which is not an uncommon pattern, as the religious domain tends to be one of the most conservative and resistant to change.

Licorice:  I don’t have anything to add to Utuabzu’s scholarly and substantial answer, but I do have a couple of questions.

How old are people when they first receive these translation devices? As babies? When they go to primary school? If in any given area, out of any 1000 random people, 20 languages are spoken, that’s going to be a lot of different languages in a primary classroom. Will they have a designated language of instruction which everyone must learn? Or will the teacher teach in his or her language, while the children use translators to translate the instruction into their own language? 

What happens to babies whose primary caregivers speak different languages? For example, mum speaks language A, dad speaks language B, childcare worker speaks language C.  Normally such a child would become bi- or tri-lingual, but if the child is given a translation device when it’s a baby, which language is going to be their “own” - A, B or C? And whose job will it be to decide?

Have you come across the babelfish in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?

[needleworm]

i don't know josh please tell me about him. if u want

ough i would love to. this is going to end up so much fucking text because i don't know how to be concise so courtesy readmore also the linebreaks might make no sense but it's better than a massive chunk of text which is what it was initially before i realized that is Awful

ok so josh(ua majkavić) is my character for my friends and i's monster of the week campaign The Body and like his entire character concept is being if damien thorn or rosemary's baby or any other human-raised demonspawn grew up to become a guy who sucks. he grew up around the appalachian part of georgia but has been living in the general area of chicago with his ineffectual nerd roommates for most of his adulthood now

he's pretty majorly depressive/somewhat of a doomer, terminally insincere, and is generally predisposed to cruelty, but he's a pretty funny guy mostly intentionally. in all reality he cares quite hard and usually does not actually mean to be awful but it is literally his nature it makes him feel kind of bad sometimes but he also genuinely has to throw up if anyone cries around him. he also did beat a kid on an opposing roller hockey team to death when he was like 15 and made blood and dead fish rain on his town for about 12 hours don't worry about it.

he doesn't really leave his room if he can help it he has a really scary like prison gym setup in there and a carefully controlled climate both so he can keep as covered up as possible all the time and so his intricate crypto rig(/only source of income because he doesn't want to be a line cook again) doesn't catch on fire

has tyler durden-esque god-daddy issues despite having no father involved in his creation and is a COLOSSAL momma's boy to the point of getting about as close to being a misandrist as a cis bi man can get. speaking of which his mom (rosemary<3 aren't i clever) is a slightly hippieish cultist who had him as part of a ritual so he can bring about the radical change her group wants and bring about the end times but she also loves her baby (29 year old son) so so so so so so so much. he knows that most kids didn't have animal sacrifices at their birthday parties but he doesn't feel like having that conversation with anybody!

ok anyway ummmmmm let's see. he is the kind of guy that shaves his head in response to any occasion of major stress. starting as a young teenager one of his favorite hobbies was writing gruesome chainmail stories and he stopped in his early 20s but he thinks about going back to it sometimes. he was hooking up semi-regularly with their now-dead roommate and that is going to be a bigger deal than he ever expected it to be. his favorite movie is martyrs and his favorite game is cs:go which he is VASTLY toxic in. he's 5'10" and gets insecure about it sometimes. while he is quite good with computers he is still the least tech-inclined of his household and he recently clicked on a sketchy link his sister's hacked account sent him once and his roommates have lost all faith in his internet safety knowledge and he is suffering the consequences more in that way than he is in actual damage to his pc. he has a really bad tattoo somewhere but i haven't decided where or what yet a tribal tattoo is tempting but almost feels too obvious for a former linecook

he is very fun i think i do a bad job at describing him in a way that doesn't sound intolerable to play with i promise everyone loves josh. i still have not finished art of him at any point but the best i have to offer is this. jotch at 29 at the time of the campaign, around 15-16, and at his ninthish birthday with his mom:D

[nameless-12345]

Hello again, sweet pet. I apologize for disappearing so long, but I hope you've been well.

I see you've been working hard in my absence, and I have plenty of posts to catch up on now. I'm looking forward to reading everything you've written, and I'm so very proud of you. You're such a wonderful and talented little kitten. Even now, you're looking for writing inspiration. Good kitten.

Feel my hand on your head, kitten. My warm touch as I pat, pat, pat your head. You've been such a good girl, sweet pet. Feel my hand slowly travelling down, fingers gently grazing your cheek on the way. Feel my finger reaching under your chin, prompting you to meet my eyes. You're such a well behaved little kitten and I love it. Feel my fingers lightly scratching, affectionate little scritches for the loveliest little kitten I know. You're such a good girl and I hope you never forget that.

Now, about your dilemma. Sweet pet, how do you feel about fantasy beings? A succubus, for example. Or faeries. Not the cute kind. The kind that lure you deeper into the forest until you've become too disoriented to return. The mischevious kind that use their forest magic to trick you, to show you visions of your world filled with pleasure. To give you a taste of that pleasure before taking it away, withholding these wonderful sensations until you surrender yourself to them, either by a show of submission or verbal confirmation of a deal. Unless you're clever enough to outwit your captor, that might be the only "way out" for you. Or, a succubus that finds you cute, enslaves you and sends you off to a party to have some fun and draw in a few more good girls to play with. Once you have them in a private room, the otherworldly being sneaks in and has plenty of fun with all of you, leaving all of you helplessly addicted, and getting her fill of lustful energy.

Incase you're not into that kind of thing, I would instead recommend.. How about a closer look into the kind of training fantasies this little kitten might have? Perhaps it could an addition to Pet Sitting, where one pet is isolated with her Master and they have a bit of play time? Or a totally new thing.. A hypnosis app? An online streamer or chatter who is covertly hypnotized by chat? An unsuspecting roommate who finds their housemate playing with themselves infront of their computer or phone, and being the curious person they are, they check what's going on and both of them end up submitting together?

I'm not sure what you'd be comfortable writing, so I'm sort of just throwing ideas at the wall right now. If nothing sticks, that's fine. I wish you luck either way, sweet pet. Even if these ideas aren't right for you, there's no need to rush. You have lots of time.

-🗝

Ooooh! I like all of your ideas Key! I’ll probably write out a bunch of them.

Sorry it took me so long to respond, I was kinda busy. 😣

My favorite is definitely someone walking in on a Good Girl getting hypnotized. Do you think it should be pov that the reader walks in or should it be third person? I got really warm when I read that idea.

Now in regards to the praise and pets—

Meeew! Thank you so much Key! You really know how to make me melt. Xoxoxo 🥹

I hope you have been really happy and doing well!

[rametarin]

A theory

People would be more enthusiastic about electric cars if they were more stupid technology.

And what I mean by this is: The approach to electric cars comes from a more Tech Futurist, Brave New World, "The tech singularity will evolve humanity!" mentality, not designed for the homesteading truck driver.

That's not going to attract Farmer Ned who needs a cheap, reliable way to bring lots of heavy, rambunctious loads from A to B and survive like a Toyota Hilux. That's not going to attract the 16-19 year old boys that want to have a sweet ride with a lot of power to show off their youth and potential and power on the road and ability to drive. That's not going to attract the diesel loving woman that likes the power and efficiency of the engine.

If you want to attract people to electric cars and get people more enthusiastic about them, you need to make the cars dumber. You need to make it so you can TOTALLY OWN the cars and not need a million software updates. You need to make it so some fellow named Bob can institute a clever repair of the mechanical parts with clever use of welding and a few ordered parts.

The mentality that people shouldn't be able to OWN their own vehicles as property has to die, if you want people to drive electric cars. The end user needs to be able to just get in, turn the key and drive with as few digital computer bits as an I.C.E. from the 1967.

But that's not the direction Brave New Worlders want people to go. They aren't trying to sell a car, they're trying to shoehorn people down a path they may not necessarily want to go. Where the software makers dictate and gatekeep on if your car runs or not, it can be shut off externally via a signal, or the data accessed without your awareness or permission.

The first people to be able to make Absolutely Dumb electric cars that just run with the torque and energy efficiency of a standard EV but have all the personal privacy and private ownership of a classic automobile, will make a mint.

Electric vehicles do not need a lot of potentially carcinogenic lubricants and oils in the engine because magnetic fields and electricity do most of the driving for them. They don't need expensive chemical fuels, even if electricity expenses may grow as more people use them. They don't need expensive catalytic converters with rare metals, because they don't produce noxious fumes out the exhaust pipe. They can be stripped down powerhouses.

You just need batteries or capacitors big enough to store the charge that'd give you as much work as a tank of gasoline or diesel. And that's it. Outside that, it's all brake pads and non-ICE engine stuff. Maybe some electronics for luxury.

Design an electric car for the stiff who has to buy a cheap A-to-B vehicle and doesn't NEED stuff like self-warming seats, that's just a powerful body so they can pick up and move shit and not spend a fortune repairing and replacing things, or maintenance and repair is so easy that the mechanics can get in, switch out parts, get out, and get people on their way. ICE engines are very complex and complicated, electric motors are nowhere near as complicated or should be that expensive.

But the Brave New World people don't WANT this sort of availability, they want it too expensive for the poor layman to afford, because they don't like the idea people can just get up and move thousands of pounds of vehicle and belongings so easily.