#arguably the funniest thing he's ever done

[adhd-merlin]

gaius casually dropping "this time I've chosen... a woman" in an emergency conversation with the king without consulting merlin first you will always be famous

[mamamittens]

If Ace wasn't so hung up on his dad, he could have done the funniest thing ever.

Like.

Really fucking funny.

Imagine with me, an Ace that is, at best, annoyed about who his dad is. Like, that's a high bar and the kind that overshadows just about anything you can do.

He could become an incredibly decorated marine and the papers would still go on about his old man's legacy and it's effect on him.

He could be a notorious pirate--and just be portrayed as chasing his old man's shadow.

So, obviously, he still keeps a lid on it.

But he's not afraid to ask about his dad. Particularly if someone knew him. And it's not even a weird question from a pirate cause like, yeah! What was he like?!?

Ace would have more specific questions of course. But in general not that weird to ask. And even less weird if the person he asks clocks him as Roger's son but, obviously, won't make a whole thing out of it cause obvious consequences of that getting out.

A politely kept secret, if you will.

Where am I going with this?

Imagine Ace has a chance to pull some shit on the Marines. Real old guards who know too much to be overwhelmed by force or anything like that. People who rubbed shoulders with his Gramps back in the day.

Imagine, if you will, it's Halloween or Roger's execution anniversary.

A little bit of costuming and well, it's been two decades.

They can be forgiven if they don't realize this 'Ghost Roger' is a bit shorter than they remember.

And Ace just absolutely terrorizes them. Acting exactly like his dad, chasing them around demanding they give him a good fight. Which, they, obviously couldn't do when he was alive either.

Every so often, for a special kind of asshole, Ace plays dress up.

And has the time of his life being a menace. A complete, utter bastard to those poor Marines.

His new folks are utterly floored and try very hard not to die from laughing too hard because it's just... So damn accurate.

Ace didn't grow up with his dad and, arguably, takes after his mom considerably. But in a pinch, he makes one hell of a resurrected Pirate King Gone Mad.

Whitebeard has to remind himself it's just Ace, the urge to jump in and kick ass is so strong. He was good friends with Roger but damn, did that man deserve to get his teeth kicked in a few times. And all those nostalgic feelings come sweeping back.

Ironically, pretending to be his dad is more in line with something Rouge would find sadistically amusing.

He really is a mixed bag of both of his parents personalities.

[626stupidavenue]

next in the adventures of superspy josten:

arguably the funniest thing he’s ever done carrying around a giant stack of books like “exy for dummies” “intro to exy for people who have for sure never played it before” no one will EVER know

i’m so obsessed with him he’s so deeply unsubtle!!!!! that’s my man!!

[iaus]

HELLO. for starbreaker questions and prompts: your thoughts/takes/headcanons on things like Jace's metamagic, Porter's paladin auras, other fun elements of their classes that have that type of measurable effect on their physical presence in the world (if that makes any sense!)

OUGH MY JAM. i love talking about this stuff. i love dnd. i love the game. i will ignore rules as written at the drop of the hat for story telling purposes.

so i know i talked about like stats and such a bit... way back. so i'm gonna reference my little character sheet. (which i keep having to open because i'm so scared of accidentally giving jace spells i don't mean to HELP)

but okay i'm putting this under a read more because i uh. word vomited in the club again.

but on my jace character sheet i have him down with:

heightened spell. i'm not going to lie i picked this one specifically because i feel like he would use things like friends, command, and dominate monster a lot in like. every day life. (i have definitely written more than one scene where he uses command on porter and porter is fucking furious about it. porter will i think almost always fail that save btw. i have his wisdom at a +1 and jace's spell save DC at a 22 soooo. better burn that legendary resistance if you have it babygirl)

subtle spell. which is actually one of my personal favorite metamagics and i think he'd also use this one a lot in his day-to-day life for little things. i know it's nowhere supported in canon (and i'm actually probably going against canon tbh) but i really like jace being a very competent and nasty spellcaster so i've made his character sheet reflect that. like. i can just imagine him in a boring professional development and he uses a subtle spell to detect thoughts everyone in the room to entertain himself. or using a subtle spell friends to get out of a conversation he doesn't want to have.

quickened spell. i like the idea of jace having this frenetic energy all the time even when he's presenting as being chill and laid back. so a quickened spell just enables him to shorten his spells even though an action out of combat is so quick. like he doesn't have time to devote six seconds to this spell and he hand waves the spell so he can get back to his more important tasks.

careful spell. finally this one i selected is like. the one that i think is the most out of place. in my own little universe i really do think jace had plans to be an adventurer. so this was his one little concession for his party. but it's also funny because i revised his spell list a bit (i had him with fireball at first, but went back on that). so i think, now that i think about it, i would probably change this one on his character sheet to extended spell. after switching to a solo adventurer track and leveling up on his own he would be like FUCK THAT i'm never working with anyone ever again.

and this is how porter gets chain lightninged during a teamwork PD

and for porter...

i've done a lot of mulling on his multiclass make up and ended up solidly believing in an 18-2 barb-paladin class which makes him arguably the funniest and most ineffective guy to teach any MCAT paladins because he just has none of the features.

fun fact! i have head canoned him as a path of zealot barb because it feels suiting and the class features.... are fun.... :)

but! i have actually thought about what his oath would be. it's actually really funny because i was so into looking into what i think are less popular oaths that i forgot that there even was an oath of conquest LMAO.

so here is my take on porter's oath (before he becomes an oathbreaker teehee): i think he's an oath of glory. NOW. BEFORE I LOSE YOU. i've put. so much thought into what porter's backstory might be and my argument is that his paladin levels, if he managed to get to an oath, are early like. he might have spent his freshman/sophomore year of aguefort as a paladin.

my headcanon is that his mom and dad are paladins (and his little siblings are a mix of paladins and clerics) but porter was always just born with this rage. so i think porter started aguefort at level 2 (i actually have thoughts about the school system and the leveling and that i think all adventurers at aguefort should at least be level 3 BUT I DIGRESS).

point is i think porter's family wasn't like. evil. i think he came to this plan of taking ankarna's place on his own so he actually started out somewhat fitting with the oath of glory before his rage just became too much and he eventually abandoned his oath. (which leads to the 18-2 barb/pala

BUT. here's the description of oath of glory:

Paladins who take the Oath of Glory believe they and their companions are destined to achieve glory through deeds of heroism. They train diligently and encourage their companions so they're all ready when destiny calls.

kinda... suiting. huh. as long as you ignore the deeds of heroism (ha).

i also really like oath of glory for him because if he DID do something like an 11-9 split he would get some really cool spells like guiding bolt, heroism, enhance ability, magic weapon, haste. it seems to suit him before he got flanderized.

also inspiring smite is SO cool and i see porter as adventurer turned teacher so:

Inspiring Smite. Immediately after you deal damage to a creature with your Divine Smite feature, you can use your Channel Divinity as a bonus action and distribute temporary hit points to creatures of your choice within 30 feet of you, which can include you. The total number of temporary hit points equals 2d8 + your level in this class, divided among the chosen creatures however you like.

and

Aura of Alacrity. You emanate an aura that fills you and your companions with supernatural speed, allowing you to race across a battlefield in formation. Your walking speed increases by 10 feet. In addition, if you aren't incapacitated, the walking speed of any ally who starts their turn within 5 feet of you increases by 10 feet until the end of that turn.

this would be neat. (stuff like this... would also have made him a more interesting final boss.............)

LIKE.

it is interesting to me that porter... did seem like he cared about his students. like. i'm not going to lie porter like personally rankled me for a long time before his evil reveal because he reminded me a lot of teachers that i hated in high school. like i get it. i hate your fucking pedagogy. but. it seems like he had some sort of care. even if it manifested in fucking horrid ways.

but yea i do think oath of glory is a really fun option for porter if he did take an oath at any point. it adds some flavor.

also. i think it is so funny but if porter has only 2 levels in paladin he literally only has 10 lay on hands and smites. you don't get divine health until level 3.

that man can still get diseases.

but i do think he lies and is like i'm a paladin don't worry jace i can c-

never mind.

[questionablequeeries]

The funniest thing the Duffers ever did was make Eddie try to get Steve and Nancy together, thereby making him seem even gayer for Steve. Seriously, the guy’s whole speech is about how Nancy dove into the lake after Steve, how beautiful a display of love it was, how Eddie would have never done that…except he did. Eddie dove, too, and his was arguably more impressive. After all, he barely knew Steve outside of school, he didn’t share the romantic ‘love’ of Nancy or the platonic love of Robin, and he had no idea what he was diving down into, just that there was a gate to another world and that the man he was swimming after had been dragged down by an unseen force. And yeah, you can make the argument that he was scared of the cops or being alone, but arguably he knew he’d be safer with either option than going through that gate after Steve. So yes, our cynical eyes really did see a true declaration of love, but it wasn’t Nancy’s.

[lazaruspiss]

dont have a good picture of it but theres this panel where joker just chucks a pistol at robins head. arguably the funniest thing hes ever done

[somaticallyincorrect]

14, 22 and 28! 😊

14: Something you've wanted to do but been scared to? Number 1 is get my license for sure. Ummm, always kinda wanted to do karaoke? And... maybe skydive or something like that? 😂

22: 3 things about someone you love? Hmmmm. I'm gonna go with my brother Ryan: Arguably the funniest human I've ever met. He's such a kind hearted person and has done sooooo much for me as far as favors and stuff. He's also THE most frustrating person I've ever met 😂

28: The main thing I collect is Halo stuff. Statues, funkos, figurines, books, you name it.

[death2normalcy]

This is Seungmin!

His full name is Kim Seungmin and he was born in South Korea on September 22, 2000. When he was a kid, he spent a couple months in the U.S. and is moderately fluent in English, arguably probably on pretty much the same level as Han.

Video compilation of Seungmin speaking English! (it’s an older video, so his English has improved even more since this was made)

Seungmin is part of Vocalracha, a sub-unit within the group, and is mainly just a vocalist and an extremely skilled one at that, but he’s also pretty good at dancing and isn’t even that bad of a rapper (although it’s not something he’s ever officially done, that I can tell, just as jokes or as a replacement, etc)

Songs I personally love him in: His cover of ‘Love Poem’ that he did with the Mayfly Unit on Kingdom (my personal favorite); Waiting for Us; Gone Away; a song he did for the Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha OST, ‘Here Always’; the entire video he did with Lee Mujin; he’s also done multiple covers on their Youtube channel, most recently a cover of ‘Ghost’ by Justin Bieber, I highly recommend all of them! (My 2nd personal favorite after ‘Love Poem’ is definitely ‘Congratulations’, a Day6 cover that he did with Han!)

*Kind of a disclaimer: Some might notice there’s not a ton of strictly Stray Kids songs recommended up there. That wasn’t intentional. I was mostly just trying to go for songs that really showcase his vocals, that I personally love. He definitely shines in the group, for sure, but, like a lot of the members, he rarely gets more than a few lines in each song. Since he has so many covers/others songs out there, I figured those would be a better choice to show off how great his voice is)

I’m not necessarily going to recommend any rap, because he barely does it (one or two songs, I think, at best. And for fun, outside of official performances) or dance, because while I do think he’s a skilled dancer, it’s not his strongest area. However, I do have some fancams of his on his playlist, if you want to check his dancing out!

Many of the members consider Seungmin to be the funniest member in the group and it’s understandable why that is. He has a lot of underrated funny moments and many fans consider him to be part of ‘savageracha’, which is just the three more savage members of Stray Kids: Lee Know, Seungmin, and I.N. I honestly thought he was like, the quiet, shy one when I first started getting into them, but he’s mostly just chill and seems to not take life too seriously, while also be a very hard worker and very professional at what he does.

Random fun fact: He has this little thing he does where he’ll poke out the eyes on any stuffed animal in his vicinity, or possibly even his members. He’s always ready to fight somebody, and it’s hilarious.

Something I don’t think gets talked about enough is that Seungmin has a really big heart, despite coming pretty chill most of the time. He clearly loves the other members in his own way, and has been very open about how much the fans mean to him (as have the other members, honestly). (Also, if you watch the 2 Kids Room series, multiple members mention how Seungmin was there for them, knowing just how to act to comfort them in someway or help them. Changbin admits that Seungmin helps him get his head on straight, both Chan and Hyunjin mention something along these lines, he’s a source of comfort for many of the members, and I love that.)

Seungmin currently has braces, but he tends to cover up his smile a lot (I read somewhere, and I’m not sure how true this is, that he covers it up more now because people were saying his smile was ugly. I really hope that’s not true, because he has the most beautiful smile!)

Both the other members and fans alike constantly refer to Seungmin as a puppy, because of how excited and playful he can be and how adorable he is. It’s why his SKZOO animal is a puppy named PuppyM!

I think that’s all the main points of Seungmin. I definitely think that him and I.N. tend to be a bit underrated among some fans (not all, a lot of the fans I follow on social media tend to love all the members). But they’re both great in their own ways. I’ll talk about I.N. in my next post!

Seungmin’s playlist!

Bonus pics of Seungmin!

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

i'm so excited about you taking asks again ahhhh okay so. if you'd absolutely had to choose. what would be your top 5 cockles moments, and why? thank you ily <3

here’s the thing: there are so many routes i could go down with this, because cockles moments come in all shapes and sizes and formats. these include moments from their panels, their bloopers, the footage we get when they don’t even know they’re being recorded, stories being passed down from photo ops & autographs(one of my personal favorite ways to get cockles, tbh, because they’re all insane), and social media(tweets to each other, instagram posts & comments, etc.). 

SO! since many a list like this has already been made, and i want to stand out from the crowd, what i’m gonna do is definitively give the number one spot to each of these five categories.(i might even throw in honourable mentions because they’re so despicably in love that they warrant that. i really put my whole pussy into this, guys, i hope you’re happy.) 

disclaimer: these are my own personal opinions. but that also means i’m right. so. enjoy. 

number one: top cockles panel moment

so we’re starting off with a bang, because how do you even BEGIN to rank what atrocities jensen and misha commit at jibcon. every single one they’ve had is damning in it’s own right, for different reasons.

however, considering just how much unabashed fuckery they’ve given us to sift through, it’s a good thing i do have a personal favorite despite it all. it’s heartwarming, the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, AND it’s jarringly cinematic - mainly because it has a whole ass arc to it that was years in the making. it might even be surprising to some people, but my favorite cockles panel moment, and what i consider the one that encompasses their entire gut-wrenching journey from 2008-2013 in the most sweepingly romantic gesture possible, is this one.

i want this burned into my retinas. i am not even joking. when i'm through with my explanation, let me convince you why this is thee most romantic cockles moment of all time.

first, some history: people call this the resume off, but many seem to forget the botched attempt at a resume off a year prior. and yes, you guessed it: it's during their break up. it's a juicy time period for a reason, guys. it came across as exceedingly one-sided and VERY awkward. let me refresh your memory as to just how bad it was, and just how hard jensen was trying and ultimately failing at winning misha over: the funniest part of the whole resume off in 2013??? every joke/bit had literally already been made/done. they were just going through the motions again, but the difference THIS time...is that misha reciprocated jensen's energy. it. is. fascinating. i want to get into it more detail in another post, and i'll link it here when i'm done, but the main takeaway, i think, and the main difference that showcases how much they've grown in a year, is that in jib 3, misha flat out refused to do an accent, and this time around, he indulges jensen for literal minutes. when i tell you they're crazy, they're crazy. i can't wait to actually dive into it later.

ANYWAY, the resume off culminates in this moment here. and, like, a million things happen in this gifset. actually, more like a million and one. the music starts playingneediremindyouthatthesongissingingintherain(h e l p), misha starts dancing, jensen 'perpetually fake grumpy' ackles lets misha think he's not going to join, misha sits down defeated, but no!!! that was jensen's plan all along(look at his stupid fucking smirk) and he offers his arm to his dance partner who immediately grins like a fool, jensen then leads misha into their kick step, they perfectly synchronise and let loose, and are then very clearly having the time of their lives, hanging off of each other with joy and ease. from their expressions alone i can tell that this moment is so. so. so. so! much more than what initially meets the eye. i mean-misha is fighting back the biggest smile i've ever seen. to me, it reads like jensen is offering something to misha, something that misha kind of gave up on expecting, and him offering his arm like that is like, a surprise to him in the best possible way(and it's so not platonic, let me just say that.) as soon as jensen did that, it ushered in a new era of cockles. this panel is jensen and misha's favourite for a reason, and i think this moment is the biggest clue as to why.

whew!!! ok. that took a lot out of me and that was only point one. moving on,

number two: top cockles blooper moment

cockles bloopers hold an extremely special place in my heart, because it shows just how fucking disastrous jensen and misha are. they are so goddamn infatuated with each other that they HOLD UP PRODUCTION ALL THE TIME TO FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER(???). let me repeat. let it sink in. jensen ackles; arguably one of the most professional actors on that show who puts everything he has into each scene, with mountains and mountains of notes to prove it: would rather hold up production to flirt with misha collins. this sounds fake. it's not. he does it. all. the. time. and here's the thing guys!!! i'm gonna let you in on a secret!!! misha loves it. he loveesssss it. on top of that-misha collins: overlooked because he's pranked and people assume he's unprofessional as well, but his only pranks are in retaliation/off-set, and he rarely if EVER causes problems if he can help it....lets himself get carried away when it comes to jensen making kissy faces at him!!! are you actually kidding me!!! i mean. misha. it's just a face. you've seen it a million times. i don't buy that it triggers something in you that strongly....you like it, and you like jensen's reaction. you can't fool me!!! lisa berry's face in that one gifset shows just how fed up the crew is with their gross, coupley boyfriend antics.

i could pull up so many examples. sooooooo many. but my favourite was sealed since the moment i saw it.

i actually already wrote an analysis on it but i can't find it :(((( which SUCKS because i really unpacked the whole thing. i'll try to summarise.

basically, a backstory is part of this too!!! jensen and misha both had a really really hard time with this scene(because it's explicitly romantic there i said it), they sat down for hours and poured over their scripts together, they were super super nervous going into filming, both of them, jensen especially, were super hard on themselves for their performances not being true to their characters but they both complimented the other's work(boyfriend moments fr). so, yeah. they weren't confident going into shooting. and how do they get themselves to feel better???? by cuddling each other, apparently.

a lot. a LOT. happens in this specific blooper. to the point that i saw it years before i knew about cockles and it raised all sorts of flags for me.

1) stop pulling my face towards your crotch(as a thinly veiled request that misha would, in fact, move jensen's face towards his crotch, considering it was jensen moving himself there in the first place. also, why so comfy down there guys???) 2) you're my baby daddy i know(in the most intimate voice i've ever heard please) 3) i know, i know, i love you too i didn't say i love you i know but you wanted to say it etc. misha's right, of course. that's what jensen meant.

it just reeks of comfort, familiarity and intimacy between the two, and it's a moment that is extremely sweet and silly at the same time. they're so <3

number three: top cockles found footage moment

WONDERFUL category. truly the culmination of the cockles experience. many people have said that shipping cockles doesn't work because 'they're just onstage you dummies!! they're playing it up for the audience!!!' here's the thing, love. i could not disagree with you more. once you climb your way up the cockles ladder, you soon learn that they are, in fact, playing their dynamic DOWN, not up. they really are just Like That™, and they could not care less about the paying audience, if we're being honest, considering how much time they take to giggle with each other and refuse to let the audience in on the joke. and i love them for it <3

anyway, my point is that this category is for all you naysayers out there, all you 'jensen and misha's relationship is just for show and is real life queerbaiting'(?????lordhelp???) oh yeah? ok, explain this.

he. he. he calls jensen sweetheart. literally enough said. there's nothing to really add here, except, misha and jared then immediately engage in damage control. jared's method is distraction and misha's is retconning('get out of the car, dude') this was what got me to buy into the cockles dumpster for GOOD good. you don't call your buddy sweetheart accidentally and sound so completely earnest while doing it! especially not when that buddy is jensen ackles!!! you think he would let any of his friends call him that? do you?

one more thing; if it was a slip of the tongue, little mouth thing or whatever, you think jared wouldn't have jumped on it immediately??? i can hear it now. 'did you just call him SWEETHEART???' yeah. that's what i thought. you know why he didn't? because it was too revealing.

number four: top cockles autograph moment

i mean, i think we all know what it's gonna be, and if you don't, well, do i have the piece de cockles resistance that is gonna send you over the edge.

if you haven't heard of this story by now, as a cockles, truther, i'm gonna go ahead and get you to read it, because there is no possible heterosexual explanation for any of it, and you're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

spoiler alert: it's the story where phones weren't allowed in an auto session, jensen nuzzles himself in misha's hair, leans his full body weight onto him, holds his hand, etc. etc. i'm imploding just repeating this back, actually. also, just, the sheer amount of stories from photo ops where they tackle hug each other or slap each other's asses or sing romantic songs to each other or almost kiss is, frankly, a lot. if i could wish for anything, it would be to witness them in person.

and finally,

number five: top cockles social media moment

this one is super difficult, because there's obviously a lot to choose from. but you know what? full send, i'm going with this one:

i just. what to say about this. how often do misha and jensen watch sunsets together for it to qualify as ‘always’ ??? why are sunsets synonymous with their relationship??? that’s like??? a very romantic thing????? ‘this guy’??? the fact that it’s a CANDID??? i don’t know guys.

that could have been better but i am TIRED so. there you go rose ily

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 307: The One With Shindou

Previously on BnHA: Endeavor and Hawks (and Jeanist too, although he didn’t really do anything, but BY GOD, WHAT IS UP WITH HIS NECK) held a press conference and were all, “everything you’ve heard is true, so we would just like to say, from the bottom of our hearts... our bad.” U.A. opened its doors to the public as an evacuation shelter. Deku and All Might told basically EVERYBODY about OFA, which is absolutely wild, and yet somehow we hardly paid any attention to this at all. Mostly because the chapter ended with Deku being all “I WALK A LONELY ROAD, THE ONLY ONE THAT I HAVE EVER KNOWN” and peacing out of U.A. to embark on a solo journey of angst. So this is either gonna be the best or the worst thing that ever happened to this series, so TIME TO FIND OUT WHICH IT IS.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “so who do you guys want to see next? Deku? Bakugou?? Well how about SHINDOU?” Shindou is all “hi :) I’m Shindou :) :) remember me :) :) :)?” Horikoshi is all “I’m so sorry for depriving you guys of Shindou for so fucking long, how about an ENTIRE CHAPTER ALL OF HIM” and then he REALLY FUCKING DOES IT because, I don’t know?? Did we make him mad?? Am I being punished for something I did in a past life?? It really is, honest to god, seventeen whole goddamn pages of Shindou, punctuated by a few pages of Muscular, and topped off with one (1) whole appearance by Deku at THE VERY END. And we don’t even get to see his face. I am beside myself lmao I’m sorry you guys, you can skip this recap if you want. Or just skip straight to the end, because movie 3 promo.

“long time no see” now what could this mean?? can’t think of too many characters this phrase would apply to right now. although I can think of one big one, and I know that fandom has been trying to manifest his deadbeat ass to finally show itself for years now. could it finally be that time? if Hisashi shows up and debunks DFO a big chunk of the fandom is probably going to riot lol

(ETA: why oh why did I get my hopes up like that lmao. I’m pretty sure Hisashi doesn’t actually exist and Deku was either immaculately conceived, or the stork really did bring Inko a lil green baby from the cabbage patch.)

anyway, so the chapter is opening on this random scene of CRIME and DISARRAY

was this all done by that big villain from the previous chapter? utility poles knocked down, random holes in the sides of buildings, and it looks like this one car pulled over in a hurry and the driver just hopped out and ran

who are these people talking

OH NO, OH GOD

I am immediately struck by the urge to push Shindou off of this ledge. is that mean? probably that is mean, but also fuck this guy lmao. every year you cheat someone out of their well-deserved spot in the popularity poll, and every year I want to punch you in your stupid face for it

bah. and how are you doing, Tatami. love that hero name even if you do have arguably the dumbest superpower in the entire series

listen, though. here I am shitting on these Ketsubutsu kids for no good reason, and I’m sorry about that, and truthfully it’s mostly because I just want to see Deku and/or Kacchan and so it’s hard to give a fuck about anything else right now. BUT, I will immediately cease and desist ALL of my complaining if this means we also get to see my best girl Ms. Joke, omg. Horikoshi please

sdlkfjlskalk

FUCK YOU SHINDOU OMG. I’M SORRY GUYS I CAN’T HELP IT, EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS SO EMINENTLY PUNCHABLE AND DETESTIBLE. IT’S LIKE SOMEONE COMBINED WESLEY CRUSHER WITH JEAN RALPHIO

but LSKJFLEK at this random reminder that Bakugou refused to shake his fucking hand. like, that’s his “fun fact” apparently lol. it’s what he deserves

also living for this “cringe” here, too. fuck you Shindou. I am so, so sorry to any Shindou fans out there you guys because I’m just going to be like this the entire time he’s here. the hate is flowing through me

how has it been three whole pages and I still have to look at his stupid face

anyway so it seems like the kids are having to pick up the slack for Old Man Samurai and all those other assholes who retired. I’m guessing the U.A. kids will be seeing a lot more action as well

but in the meantime let’s hope no villains attack here all of a sudden, because all Tatami can do is make herself shorter while Shindou creates an earthquake to bring the entire building down around them dflkjslk

these guys don’t particularly want to go with them and I can’t say I blame them

so now Shindou is saying that yeah, they can probably handle the looters and such by themselves, but it’s a different story when it comes to the Noumu and the escaped Tartarus prisoners. Shindou how dare you make a reasonable point that I can’t immediately argue with

he says that one of the escapees was sighted in the area, so that’s why they’re trying to evacuate everyone

and the guy disagrees and says he doesn’t trust the heroes and thinks they’re pompous

fdskljk. fucking...

ME: Horikoshi can we please stop and get Deku HORIKOSHI: we have Deku at home THE DEKU AT HOME: 

Horikoshi. please. we get it, the civilians don’t trust the heroes anymore. I UNDERSTAND. I COMPREHEND THIS. so unless there is some other point to this scene I respectfully ask that you hurry things along because omg

did Tatami always have this habit of speaking in meme language and such? I thought that was Camie’s thing but hey

listen, I’m here for anyone who’s willing to drag this man down into the depths of the earth. I would just also rather not spend the entire fucking chapter on this oh my god. Horikoshi do you have any more of those chapters where things happen in them?? those are good, I like those

YESSSSSS FINALLY

so whoever’s on the other end of the call (ETA: it’s that rock-looking guy who can harden anything that he touches. why does BnHA have so many hardening powers) is telling them to run because there’s apparently a villain heading right for them, oh my

WHO IS HE

depending on who it is I can’t promise I won’t be rooting for them over you, buddy

ohhhhhh shit

huh. well that’s... hmm... but on the other hand...

okay lol no, I know it’s bad. Muscular fucking LOVES murdering kids. not even Shindou deserves that. I’m sure he has a family that loves him and stuff. and Tatami seems like a sweet girl. they don’t deserve to be murdered

that is the question isn’t it? are we really going to spend the entire chapter with Limbs-Retracting-Girl and her boyfriend, Joseph Gordon-Levitt from (500) Days of Summer??

YES OMG

YES PLEASE CALL YOUR SENSEI. my god do you know what I would give to see Ms. Joke take down an S-class villain??

(ETA: all I’ll say is that we were robbed here, you guys.)

now Tatami is running away while Shindou stays behind omg

Horikoshi I know I said I hate the guy, and I do, but my god. seems I don’t hate him half as much as you do you. been nice knowing you Shindou my man

are you serious Tatami really ran all the way back up here to try and evacuate these guys one more time

SHE’S SUCH A GOOD PERSON omg if you assholes don’t listen to her you deserve to get murdered

BRO

HORIKOSHI DID YOU REALLY FUCKING DO IT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT

LOL OKAY NO, SO FAR HE’S ONLY MESSED UP HIS FACE

WHAT A SHAME WHAT A TRAGEDY. THE WORLD MOURNS

okay but seriously, now he has to be dead

r.i.p. Shindou. he died doing what he loved, talking a lot and being utterly useless

then again, damn Shindou are you really gonna come out here and be a badass?? gonna make me eat my words there kiddo?

I have absolutely no idea if I should expect this to work or not. all I know is that this is page 14, and so it would seem we really are going to spend the entire fucking chapter on fucking Shindou. this beautiful chapter had so much potential, Horikoshi. and now look at it. I hope you’re happy

nope it didn’t fucking work at all lmao

IT’S JUST LIKE I SAID. r.i.p. you pretentious handsome lump

OHHHHHH SNAP

DEKU YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO LOL. anyway but it’s good to see you!! it’s good to see ANYONE other than these guys sob but especially you

FINALLY SOMETHING COOL OMG

somehow Horikoshi actually made the bunny mask look badass?? I don’t think this is sustainable, but I am here for it while it lasts

Shindou should by all rights be nothing but A HANDSOME PASTE at this point lol but WHATEVER. it’s BnHA; getting smashed into walls and cliffs has more or less the same consequences as being set on fire. slap a band-aid on it and you’re good to go

we are REALLY ENDING IT HERE huh

well. and that’s it. I just did not care about any of that lmao. a rare dud of a chapter. well, but we’ve had something like ten in a row that ranged from “pretty good” to “amazing”, so I guess that’s fair

anyway I feel like I owe you guys something other than endless bitching and moaning, so! BONUS:

now this is more like it

first of all, I’m absolutely living for this promo’s “YEET THE CHILDREN OUT OF A HELICOPTER” vibes. FUCK YEAH WE’RE HEROES BITCH

is Deku wearing a jetpack/parachute?? let’s hope he is because I’m assuming he doesn’t have Float yet, so if that’s not a jetpack then it is a LONG WAY DOWN kiddo

these maniacs actually got Deku to wear something other than his red shoes holy fuck. I’m speechless. are we sure that’s not an imposter??

Shouto has the funniest falling position I’ve ever seen. I’m assuming his left arm is not in fact tucked under his leg like it appeared to be at first glance?? like, wtf is the outline of your body right now Shouto

this is what I think it is after careful analysis, but at first I thought this kid had some hidden contortionist abilities

and then there’s this guy

I MISSED YOU YOU BIG GOON. loving the new gauntlets!! and he’s changed up his impractical metal neck thingy into arm thingies! but most importantly, ARE THESE WHAT I THINK THEY ARE

ARE THOSE WEENIES. KACCHAN. KACCHAN HAVE YOU GONE NATIVE OMFG

and meanwhile, look who’s with them! Endeavor makes perfect sense of course, but Hawks is a very welcome surprise. does this mean we can expect to see Tokoyami too? because I would fucking love that

lastly, so this confirms the whole “world heroes” thing! which we all pretty much guessed anyway lol. I wonder if this movie will take place in another country (fingers crossed). the city in the background doesn’t look particularly familiar, but this image probably wasn’t meant to be analyzed in that way lol. anyways, looking forward to this so much, PLEASE GIVE US A TRAILER SOON omg

[tcm]

The Whacky, Unforgettable Comedies of Paramount Pictures By Donald Liebenson

In Road to Utopia (‘45), Bob Hope and Bing Crosby are on the road again. “Case those trees, that snow, that scenery and that sky,” Bing exclaims as he and Bob sled across the Yukon. Noting a familiar-looking mountain, Bob adds, “And get a load of that bread and butter.” “That’s a mountain,” Bing corrects him. “May be a mountain to you, but it’s bread and butter to me,” insists Bob, as a semi-circle of stars materializes to arc the peak and recreate the Paramount Pictures logo.

Paramount was bread and butter to a murderer’s row of actors, entertainers and comedy teams who helped establish the studio as being to comedy what MGM was to musicals, Warner Bros. to gangster pictures and Universal to horror films. On January 26, TCM is offering up a mini-Paramount-palooza with three comedies and stars that defined their eras: I’m No Angel (‘33) starring Mae West; Road to Utopia with Bing Crosby and Bob Hope; and The Nutty Professor (‘63) starring Jerry Lewis in his signature Jekyll and Hyde role portraying the milquetoast, accident-prone Professor Kelp and self-described “world’s greatest everything,” Buddy Love.

Paramount comedies, especially of the 1930s and ‘40s, were the smartest, the silliest and the screwiest (and that’s only the s’s). Comedy was a priority for Paramount in the silent era, and once sound came in, the studio was uniquely positioned to sign the biggest comedy stars of Broadway, vaudeville and radio for shorts and features, according to Dr. Joseph Casper, an Alma and Alfred Hitchcock Professor of American Film at the University of Southern California.

“Paramount owned most of the downtown theaters, including the Balaban and Katz chain, which was the largest circuit of first-run theaters,” he noted. “Those theaters featured movies and vaudeville entertainers. Paramount also had an interest in radio, and with its studio based in Astoria, NY, they could also see who was clicking with audiences on the Broadway stages.”

In addition to West, Hope and Crosby and Lewis, here is only a partial list of the comedy icons in Paramount’s stable: W. C. Fields, the Marx Brothers, George Burns and Gracie Allen, Jack Benny, Eddie Cantor, George Jessel, Jack Oakie and Charlie Ruggles (and his frequent costar Mary Boland).

Mae West came to Paramount with a Broadway pedigree and a 10-day jail sentence as the writer and star of the then-scandalous play, Sex. She was only a supporting character in the George Raft vehicle, Night After Night (‘32), her screen debut, but she made an indelible first impression. As Mae saunters into a night club, the coat-check girl greets her with, “Goodness, what diamonds.” Without breaking her stride, West coos, “Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie.” She stole everything but the cameras, as George Raft said afterward of his costar. Her first starring role in She Done Him Wrong (‘33) established her persona as a “sexual gangster,” as modern-day burlesque queen Dita Von Teese dubbed her in the recent documentary Dirty Blonde (2020). Its box-office success is credited with saving Paramount from bankruptcy. I’m No Angel, the follow-up, was an even bigger box-office hit. 

What makes it Paramount? In pre-Code Hollywood, Paramount did not try to tame or censor the wild, wild West of moviemaking. “When I’m good, I’m very good,” she tells co-star Cary Grant. “When I’m bad, I’m better.” As Tira, a carnival dancer and lion tamer, West is bold and independent. She needs no man to bail her out of trouble. In I’m No Angel, she takes it upon herself to conduct a courtroom cross-examination to unapologetically defend her sullied reputation. No wonder that she, along with the Marx Brothers and W.C. Fields, were rediscovered and embraced by Vietnam War-era college students for whom West, with her subversive attitudes and flouting of authority and convention, was a kindred iconoclastic spirit.

Road to Utopia was the fourth, and arguably funniest, of the seven Road to… films. For the record, I rank them: 

Utopia, Morocco (‘42), Bali (‘52), Rio (‘47), Zanzibar (‘41), Singapore (‘40) and Hong Kong (‘62). Yes, I rank Bali over Rio (I look forward to your comments). Utopia was a franchise-best at the box office.

What makes it Paramount? It’s everything you love in a Road film, plus humorist Robert Benchley wryly kibbitzing from the sidelines. The Oscar-nominated script contains some of the series’ best character-defining gags, such as the indelible moment when Hope, trying to pass himself off as a feared killer, saunters up to a bar, orders a lemonade and then quickly course-corrects, “In a dirty glass.”

Road to Utopia is undistilled silliness with meta jokes (“I thought this was going to be an A picture,” Hope scowls when Crosby enters), fourth-wall breaking (“You mean they missed my song?” Crosby exclaims when informed that some in the audience might have come late to the movie theater) and talking animals (“A fish, they let talk,” a grizzly bear complains. “Me, they won’t give one stinking line.”). The closest Road to Utopia gets to pathos is when Hope and Crosby, about to go their separate ways, seemingly let their guards down and profess their undying friendship to each other… while picking each other’s pockets.

Even Jerry Lewis doubters concede him The Nutty Professor. With his former partner, Dean Martin, Lewis enjoyed a six-year Top 10 run at the box office beginning in 1951 until their acrimonious split in 1956. Paramount signed Lewis to an unprecedented contract in 1959 that earned him a reported $10 million, plus 60 percent of the profits and the film rights, to star in 14 films over a seven-year period. Though not embraced by the critics, Lewis was boffo, especially with kids, and he was in the box office Top 10 between 1957 and 1959 and from 1961 to 1963. And with his clout, he was given the freedom to grow as a director.

What makes it Paramount? More experimental and less flat-out funny than his previous slapstick offerings, The Nutty Professor earned Lewis uncharacteristically good reviews. It is generally considered to be his masterpiece, but that may be because people insist on interpreting Lewis’ portrayal of Buddy Love to be a caricature of his former partner. That may make this film more intriguing from a Freudian standpoint, but Lewis insisted throughout his life that he meant no such thing, and I believe him. Could be Frank Sinatra, though. Or even Lewis himself.

If you ever visit Paramount Pictures, opt for the four-hour studio tour. That gets you into the costume and prop archives, where costumes from The Nutty Professor and Road to Utopia are preserved. They are priceless relics of these first-class comedies whose absurd and anarchic spirit is undimmed, notes Randall Throop, manager of the department. You watch these and other Paramount comedies of the period, such as the surreal Million Dollar Legs (‘32) or the Marx Brothers classics, Throop ponders, “and you have to ask yourself: ‘What were they smoking?’”

[tiredpjofan]

the fact that dionysus did know percy’s actual name because of the rare occasions when he was being serious and he would call him by his real name, means that he made a conscious effort to call him by the wrong name every time. which is arguably one of the funniest things rick riordan has ever done

[365days365movies]

April: Comedy

This is my favorite genre. But, uh...is it a genre?

Here’s the thing about comedy: it seems like a genre in total, but it’s really more of a tone. What I mean by that is, the idea of comedy is so broad that it intersects with basically every genre there is. So, how do you define the comedy genre if it’s quite literally all over the place?

Well, let’s look at the previous genres this year. Action movies tell their plot through action sequences, romance movies focus on interpersonal relationships, and fantasy movies are all about the setting and its rules. The way I see it, comedy is primarily about writing and plot, especially the former.

Now, to explain this, I’ll have to talk about my favorite comedies. And yeah, that’s plural, because it is HAAAAAARD to choose one favorite. There are so many good ones, and they’re all different in scope and concept. So, I’ll go through a few of my top favorites, and do some quick basic dissection. Let’s start with Airplane!, a 1980 parody comedy fueled on extremely well-written and timed jokes. The situation isn’t the funniest part here; it’s the writing, and how the written jokes are executed.

Here’s what I mean: I’m gonna describe the plot with a fairly accurate synopsis.

A veteran pilot from the Vietnam War is trying to repair his faltering love life with a flight attendant. To do so, he must get over his personal trauma and board the plane she is on to win her back. But during the flight, an illness fells the pilot and copilot, along with many passengers, causing the veteran to fly the plane, with the help of the flight attendant, a doctor on board, and a ground crew composed of his former wartime commander. Together, they must save the passengers and land the plane safely.

Right? If you’ve seen the film, you know that that’s an accurate synopsis. And yet, this movie is FUNNY AS SHIT because of HOW the writing enacts that plot, and how the jokes within are told by the actors. It’s all about writing within the setting. OK, let’s try another one, same set-up! Here’s the synopsis:

In a film directed by famous drama director Stanley Kramer, a group of passersby happen upon an escaped elderly criminal, whose run ends in a fatal car crash. With his dying breath, the criminal tells the travelers about stolen money, equaling about $350,000, and buried somewhere in southern California. After his death, the passersby divert their plan and race to claim the tax-free money for themselves. Along the way, their race attracts other people clamoring for the money, as well as an old policeman chasing after the old criminal’s legacy.

Sounds like it could be a cool action thriller, right? Instead, it became one of my all-time favorite comedies, and arguably the greatest ensemble movie ever made, I WILL DIE ON THAT HILL

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World! is one of my favorite films, regardless of genre, and it’s a hell of a lot of fun. An INSANE cast of heavy hitters of the day, this film is basically perfect, and one of my personal gold standards of comedy alongside Airplane!. I’d gush about how good it is all day, but that isn’t the point of this little essay. But you see what I mean about the writing? Again, comedies tell pretty standard stories, but use humor to tell them. It’s about tone moreso than plot.

Character dynamics are pretty fluid as well, shifting from romantic to antagonistic to neutral to completely unrelated. And finally, the setting of these films is pretty damn fluid as well. Let’s see...what’s another of my favorites...GOT IT!

In a modern world, a group of vampires must adjust to modern society, in Wellington, New Zealand.  In the process, they capture a human and convert him to the undead, attempt to find lost love (and new love), battle those that would want them dead, and struggle to find their place in both human and vampiric society, all the while dealing with their own interpersonal relationships.

In other words...

What We Do in the Shadows is a fucking FANTASTIC comedy, absolutely hilarious, and it’s in a fantasy/horror setting! I considered Ghostbusters for this, but that’s too easy. So, OK, setting also doesn’t really matter. It’s basically all in the writing and the acting. Obviously, there’s more than just that, but this is meant to be a simplification.

So, comedies are films in which the stories are told in a humorous manner, rather than a wholly serious one. Like I said, it’s all about tone. So, with that said...

THERE ARE TOO MANY GODDAMN COMEDIES HELP ME

Guys...I don’t know which ones to choose! I’ve seen so many goddamn comedies, and yet...there are so many that I just straight-up have never seen. It’s insane. And now, I’m being forced to choose which ones I need to watch, while limiting it to 30 films. It’s nearly impossible, but...Imma do it.

That’s not even mentioning organization, but...I kinda liked the chronological thing I did last month, so I’m gonna do that again, I think. So, OK, let’s do it! FUCKING SOMEHOW! The question is, of course, where do I start? Well, it’s probably fitting to start with a classic film director and comedy star from the beginning of film history, whose films I’ve somehow never seen. Let’s do this.

April 1, 2021: The Gold Rush (1925)

P.S. Oh, don’t worry, I’m aware that I still owe you guys Fantasy March reviews. They will continue to come alongside the Comedy April reviews, until they’re done. Look for another tonight, in fact. I WILL CATCH UP 

[secret-engima]

It's gonna be interesting to see Lucis's reaction to the existence of the second Prince.

OH IS IT EVER.

-Meltdown just about covers it, but not quite. Like- not only is this a second prince, but he’s OLDER than Noctis by a good seven years. Ignoring the media for just a sec (though OH BOY THE MEDIA) the MOOGLENET (or whatever the FFXV version of the internet is) is gonna have a collective heart attack. Some people are gonna be joining on the media boat of questioning Regis for having a son out of wedlock (and if he still has Nox’s mother in hiding somewhere as a mistress) but others are going to be harping on Nox himself. Like- the theories get WILD. How did Regis’s agents not find him until he was 15+? How strong is his magic? Why does he wear long sleeves in every (rare) photo or video and why are his photos and videos so rare? Where was his mother from? Was she even Lucian?

-Top theories on those are that either his mother/mother’s family HID him from Regis’s agents or he was living in another country until recently (considering the only other “countries” right now are all under Niflheim’s thumb, this immediately spawns the theories that he’s a double agent for the Empire or he was tortured by them and escaped, which would explain the long sleeves). Other theories for the long sleeves is he’s hiding tattoos that would shame the royal family (he already has long hair and strange taste in earrings after all). Maybe Regis is hiding him from the public eye because he’s ashamed of his illegitimate child, or maybe there’s something wrong with him (people who go with the “tortured and escaped the Empire theory assume he has mental issues on top of scars). A really popular theory for his mother was that she was from Niflheim, possibly a Nif agent there to get the royal bloodline in Nif hands, until someone dug up a picture of him hanging out with the glaives and someone else (probably a Galahdian tbh) did a breakdown on how the single braid visible in all of Nox’s photos is a Galahdian braid, which immediately makes the theory that his mom was Galadhian way more popular (there’s also a niche theory that he’s the kid of Queen Sylva and Regis and that Slyva had been hiding him in Tenebrae until recently, but few people subscribe to that one).

-And let’s not forget the DRAMA the mooglenet is waiting breathlessly for the moment his existence is known. I mean- think about it. Much older illegitimate prince with possible scars, mental issues or enemy agent mom suddenly gets found and taken into the Citadel and named the second prince? A lessor inheritor even though he’s older than the Crown Prince by seven-ish years? If this was a drama show, then Regis would end up assassinated by the long-lost son he foolishly took in and Noctis would either die or disappear mysteriously and Nox would suddenly be the only LC left to take up the throne (and possibly turn it over to the Empire if you’re one of the theorists on the “was born and raised in Niflheim and is their double agent” boat). Like- you KNOW that is how the plot would go, and so does all of the mooglenet, who await the descent of their kingdom into Game of Thrones intrigue and murder with baited breath and much frantic typing.

-But those are mostly Insomnian mooglenet users. No, the ones who live out in the wilder areas, the small towns and the outposts where Hunters often come through have a different kind of meltdown that mostly comprises of “hgdgfd that guy who saved me from monsters/daemons/nifs was WHO????” or “That’s my regular non-regular. He and his weirdo Uncle stop by my ramen stand whenever they’re in and bicker over the best toppings. ACTUAL ROYALTY likes my ramen WHAT IN THE WORLD-” or, arguably the funniest one, “HGFGFHGFD THE DRIFTER I REGULARLY HIRE TO DO RANDOM CHORES IS THE PRINCE. OF. LUCIS?? THE KIDDO WHO DRESSES LIKE A HOBO AND TAGS ALONG WITH AN EVEN MORE HOBO UNCLE IS ROYALTY???? I SENT ROYALTY TO COLLECT MY BEAN CROPS??????”

-Basically while all of Insomnia is wary and confused by Nox’s existence, the rest of Lucis is collectively losing their minds because, you know, Nox has helped out his people where he can, which means he has ABSOLUTELY done all those random side-quests where you harvest somebody’s crop or look for a lost shipment or go out and fight HORRIBLE MONSTERS so bring back some of their parts that you need for your dinky little weapon’s shop. Like- everybody thought they were the only ones who got helped out by this random drifter kid, but then THIS happens and the mooglenet explodes with stories from ALL OVER FLIPPING LUCIS of this kid dropping everything to like- help a researching find certain colored frogs or something in exchange for trinkets and petty gil and shop discounts and the occasional potion.

-While Insomnia is busy prepping their Game of Thrones style fanfic and the tabloids are speculating on the mental (in)stability and bloodline of the “brooding illegitimate prince, no doubt embittered over his early life and eyeing the little brother keeping him from the throne”, the rest of Lucis are basically melting into puddles of shock, confusion, and adoration for the royalty that would drop everything to help out random citizens. Care packages start showing up from all corners of Lucis to thank their prince, and after they’re cleared by security, Nox opens them all. And writes thank you cards. Personalized thank you cards that often reference some individual event or factoid of the person/people it comes from (thing’s like, “I hope your ankle is doing better”, or “tell your wife thank you for the knitted socks, they’re very warm and she didn’t have to make them for me, I know wool is expensive in your area”, or “sorry I won’t be around to deliver your next batch of spiracorn tails, my father doesn’t want me going on Hunts right now for whatever reason”) and this proof that he REMEMBERS and STILL CARES just makes them love him more.

-Also there’s this music-based drabble thing I’m working on that happens JUST as the mooglenet/media is starting to calm down and THAT sets everything off again with even more screaming and confusion and Insomnians going “I’M SORRY WHAT????” while the rural Lucians just go “ahh. Ah yes that explains it. That’s our little Drifter.”

-Regis is torn between being Responsible About Security and wanting the Hilarity Factor of letting Nox have a social media account. Like- his son hates public appearances of any kind and he respects that (barring the few mandatory noble balls), but Regis can just imagine the utter chaos Nox would unleash if anyone ever let him have a Twitter account and it’s .... tempting. The nobles haven’t been this off balance in years and for all some (a lot) of the tabloids and media commentators are annoying in their harping and gossip, the collective brain-melt Nox keeps triggering in the collective public/nobles/Council/media is HYSTERICAL.

-Nyx, snickering, announces one day that Nox has fanfiction about him. Like- A LOT of it. He is reigns over a thriving chunk of the Real Person fandom, almost all of which is massively OOC and either filled with political intrigue and assassinations (and sordid badly written romance) or just straight up AUs (vampire/werewolf/supernatural Nox is a stunningly popular AU as is the Usuper Dystopia AU). Nox is morbidly curious but refuses to actually read any of it for fear of losing his mind (she doesn’t tell him about the very fierce Shipping Wars that have broken out, or the fact that most of those Shipping Wars are over various popular celebrities Nox has never met, Noble Daughters he’s met and despised, and Aranea Highwind, who is on the list solely because she’s a famous female Nif officer and the Nif!Nox theory is very popular).

-There would be a segment of that fandom dedicated to works from the common folk who’ve actually met him, but for that part of the population it’s more popular to share various stories about how they met the then-unknown prince for real and how he either helped them or was adorably awkward over something (there is a magazine anthology of those stories, released monthly and very popular out in Lucis proper, Cindy has a subscription that Cid refuses to admit he reads).

-The fandom/theorists even stretch into Altissia and Niflheim. If ANYONE asked, Loqi would refuse to admit, on pain of DEATH, that he is the author of That One Fic everyone knows about/favs/follows/fanarts that features a Nox/Aranea ship, the now ex-Chancellor as Nox’s maternal uncle, and a SCARY in-depth knowledge/breakdown of both Niflheim and Lucian politics (in the context of Nox and Aranea navigating them, surprisingly this is the one Super Popular Nox-Nea fic that DOES NOT feature a Double Agent!Nox).

-The only reason Ardyn does not contribute to the rumors/fanfics/theories is because he doesn’t Understand How the Mooglenet Works™. He has, however, gleefully listened to some of the glaives read Loqi’s That One Super Popular Nif-Written Fic and smirked to himself over how it is so OBVIOUS who the author is, and pleased that Loqi the author is actually tasteful in his courtship subplot and shipping habits.

[1987vampire]

Need A Moment

Fandom: Peaky Blinders Relationship: John Shelby x reader Word Count: 1847 Warnings: cussing, alcohol, splash of sadness Request: none, just ain’t been writing in a bit.  A/N: I’ve missed writing...this is nice. Wanna do a Finn Shelby imagine too and an Isaiah Jesus one if I can think of something. If y’all want, send in a song and a character you’d like to see an imagine based off of. (specifically Peaky Blinders if u can) Extra:

The song this was inspired by

John Shelby was a mystery altogether. Of course, everyone knew of him; it would be dumb to think anything other than that as he was a Peaky Blinder, after all. However, nobody knew him. How could you. Even with the family’s very public lives, on both the legal and illegal sides of life, they were very private.  

Their roles were very simple in the people’s minds. Tommy Shelby, though not the oldest, was the leader of the Shelby brothers. Nobody could argue against Tommy. He got what he wanted, no matter the cost. Arthur Shelby was the oldest and arguably the funniest of the group, though he had a temper like no other. He was a killer, but he was probably one of the sweetest out of the siblings. Finn Shelby was the youngest, but people knew not to mess with him. No matter how much you could see his family making fun of him, if anyone else said anything mildly rude, they would find themselves in boiling water. Quite a few had gone missing only for rumors to come out that they had said something to Finn Shelby. Polly and Ada were the least known about out of the family. As the women, everyone knew they also weren’t to be messed with, but they also knew that it wouldn’t be the boys to attack if something went wrong. Polly and Ada may have been seen as feminine figures, but they fought harder than any boy the town had seen.  

That left John Shelby. People thought they knew John the most out of the family, but they were wrong. John was someone who held himself in a way that made him seem consistently relaxed, happy even. But if someone paid even the slightest bit more attention, they would notice that it was a façade. Hell, at least his family hid it a bit better than him. He just seemed tired.  

The poor boy had been through a lot in his short life, and I pitied him just a bit. His wife had died a short while back while he was still in the war, and he seemed to be coming to the bar more and more. As I worked behind the counter, I watched him. Normally, he would go to a back room with his family, or he would at least sit far off into a corner, but tonight, he was in front of the counter. His head was pressed against the cool countertop as he mumbled quietly to himself. His façade was slipping.  

The pub had begun clearing out about an hour ago, and now all that was left were a few bums that didn’t have a home to go to and the drunkards that couldn’t walk by themselves. John hadn’t seemed to notice, and if he had, he didn’t care.  

I pitied him, really. I couldn’t imagine living the life he did. The war would have been enough to make me go mental if the stories I heard were right, but the life of a gangster. The constant thought of someone coming after you looming over your shoulder constantly. Being ordered around by your family to do whatever they wanted. The pure idea of never having full control of your life. Well, it was enough to drive someone insane.  

Harry placed his hand on my shoulder as he walked by, whispering that I needed to wipe off the counters and he would get the others out. I nodded and took a cleaning rag from under the counter, soaking it in soap and water before running it across the surface, trying to keep a decent distance away from John’s head.  

He still hadn’t come around, even as Harry ended up having to literally throw out one of the homeless men. Instead, John kept mumbling to himself. I could faintly hear something about his children, and for the first time in about an hour, he tapped his glass on the counter, signaling he wanted another drink.  

I looked up at Harry who nodded to me as he began stacking chairs on the table. Even with the confirmation to give John a drink, I didn’t want to. He had drunken more than three-fourths of a bottle of whiskey. He probably couldn’t even lift his head to drink it.  

John tapped his glass again, and I took the glass from his hand, filling it with water instead. I could deal with his anger if he lashed out for it.  

“You doin’ okay there, John,” Harry questioned, stacking another chair.  

I placed the glass in John’s open hand as he responded. “I’m just fine, Harry,” he mumbled, lifting his head and knocking back the shot. I watched as he waited for the burn to hit, but when it never did, he gave me a confused look. “Oi, what was that,” he questioned, not anger but rather confusion filling his voice.  

“Water,” I responded, placing a full glass of it in front of him. “You need to drink some, John.” This was a bold action considering I had never even talked to the boy before with the exception of taking his order.

John stared at the glass for a second before sighing and bringing it to his lips. “Yeah, whatever,” he mumbled. He took a few gulps, downing half the glass in a few seconds before wiping his mouth against the sleeve of his suit. I shook my head and handed him a few napkins before continuing to clean the counter.

Harry came up behind me again, this time moving to the register where I watched him count the bills quickly. He had done it so many times, it was practically second nature to him. He knew how much the pub needed to run and give change. The rest would be going into a bank account. He used to place it in a vault hidden in the floorboards, but everything in it had been stolen a few too many times, so he switched.  

“Can you close up for me tonight, y/n,” Harry questioned loudly before leaning down to whisper in my ear. “I don’t really want to leave you with John, but he seems quiet today, and I got a date at a restaurant a bit away. Remember Mrs. Shelly? It’s her.”

“I got this,” I responded, patting his shoulder. “I’ll make sure everything's locked up, and I won’t be here much longer. Make sure to have fun.”

Harry chuckled a bit. “I’ll be having a bit more than fun.”

I rolled my eyes and shoved him playfully. He left with a little pep in his step and a hum in his voice. Then, my attention was diverted to John. I had to get him out somehow, but I wasn’t even sure he could walk.  

I took the now empty glass from in front of him and watched as his glazed over eyes stared at the wall across from him. What could he possibly be thinking about?  

“John,” I began, fishing the keys from under the counter. “What’s wrong? You don’t really have to tell me, but I don’t like seeing people so down.”  

John blinked a few times before looking at me, and I realized he wasn’t staring absentmindedly, he was crying. I paused, not knowing what to do as he wiped his hand across his face, obviously trying to hide it.  

“Oh, god, did I say something wrong? I’m sorry!”  

John shook his head, laughing a bit. I suppose that was a good sign. “No, I just-” He swallowed harshly before he let out a loud sob. “Gimme a second.”  

I waited, as he had instructed me to do, but his crying didn’t seem to be slowing down. “Is there anything I can do?”

John shook his head. “I need a moment. I didn’t mean to do this, especially in front of a pretty girl like you.”  

I chuckled a bit. “I don’t think this is the best time to flirt, John.”

He laughed too. “This is the perfect time,” he joked, wiping his eyes again. His face was blotchy from his crying, but he still looked so cute. I never thought that I would see someone as beautiful as him, but here he was, crying in the pub I was closing.

“John,” I spoke as he settled down. “You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to. I mean, we’ve only known each other for a bit. But, well, whenever I have a good cry, I find it’s best to talk to someone to let it all out. I mean, normally it’s Harry I vent to because he’s one of the only people I know, but -”

John cut me off with another laugh, and he took off his cap, placing it on the counter. “I get it, I promise. Come sit over here, and maybe, I’ll rant a bit.”  

And he did rant for nearly an hour, and we both got drunk off the cheap kind of whiskey, and I got to know John Shelby more than I ever thought I would. He was stressed, so stressed, and he felt underappreciated. He wanted somebody to listen for once, and he was scared he wouldn’t be a good father. He feared a lot of things. For someone who seemed so happy all the time, he had a lot of built up emotion.

By the end of the night, we were both holding onto each other for dear life as we made our way down the cobbled street. I had successfully locked up everything that needed to be, and John had suggested taking me home. I had responded that he couldn’t walk himself home with how much alcohol he had in his system. He mumbled something about his kids, and we had both agreed to stay at his house for the night. He didn’t want to leave me alone, but he couldn’t make it five feet without me holding him steady.  

The walk seemed to take barely any time at all, but that might have been because we were laughing the whole time. At one point, we had both ended up on the grimy, cobblestone path after he had jokingly pushed me away after I made a dirty joke. I fell over onto the ground, pulling him down with me without thinking about it.  

By the time we made it back to his house, I could see the sun rising, and I was dead tired. His house was nice, a bit dirty with all the kids running around, but it was something I could see myself living in.  

“This is a nice home,” I said, running my hand along the couch. I could see toys stuffed haphazardly under the coffee table.  

John grinned from where he was leaned against the door. “I’m glad you think so.”  

I stumbled a bit as I walked back towards him. “I’ll sleep on the couch, if that’s okay.”  

John shook his head. “You can take my bed. I couldn’t let you sleep there. It’s fuckin’ shit, it is. Slept on it once and my back was fucked for weeks.”  

“Well, then, why would I let you sleep there? I don’t want your back to be hurt!” I giggled and leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “That wouldn’t be very good, would it?” My breath fanned across his neck, and John shivered.  

“Well, I think I have the best idea yet. We can both sleep in the bed.” John leaned back again before leaning forward and kissing me. I reciprocated quickly, but it was a languid kind of kiss that had me melting into him. I’ve never kissed someone let alone gone home with someone this soon into knowing them, but John was different. I felt like I could trust him.  

I pressed my forehead to his shoulder again and sighed. I was tired. Working in the bar took a lot out of me and getting drunk certainly didn’t help.  

John seemed tired too, and we both stumbled around the apartment before falling into his bedroom and directly onto his bed. I barely had the sense of mind to take off my shoes before promptly falling asleep.  

I couldn’t deny that waking up the next day beside a half-naked John Shelby was the best morning I had in a while, even when two of his daughters came running in, yelling about the night they had at Polly’s. The happiness only intensified when John woke up and turned, pressing his lips to my cheek and asking me if I’d like to have lunch with him. Sober.  

[margridarnauds]

ronan & olympe for the ship opinions? (also please let your previous anon know that they're the funniest person in the world and i love them)

So…interesting thing, there. And something I’ve been increasingly thinking about as I think back on my last few years of fandom, my evolving feelings towards M/F shipping, and how fandom, as a whole, treats M/F ships. I’m going to apologize in advance for the length since I KNOW you didn’t sign on for 1.5k words of reminiscence. 

Also: BEAGLE ANON, YOU’RE THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD. 

When I first started out with 1789, in about 2015 or so, I was actually pro-Ronan/Olympe. Like, I wanted NOTHING more than fix-it fics where they retired to the country and had babies. I listened to La Guerre Pour se Plaire for HOURS, getting caught in the gothic atmosphere and the passionate, conflicted lyrics. But, at the time, the overall fandom environment was…well. Not conducive to it. And I was young, and I wasn’t strong in my opinions yet, so I stood back and kept it to myself. I think that might be part of why I ended up backing away from 1789 when I did. Yeah, I liked it, but I didn’t have a strong sense of community, and most of the attention, at that time, was in the Mozart, L’Opera fandom, and I wasn’t a major picture there. I attended streams, yeah, but I wasn’t a CONTENT creator, and it was easy for me to fade into the background, I think. Maybe because I was too afraid to be a content creator, back then, because that would involve possibly expressing my own opinions. I accepted that Ronan/Olympe was No bad, terrible, awful based on that desire to fit in, because it was so much EASIER. Just like I accepted that French 1789 was a disaster, that MOR was much better, and that, really, it wasn’t worth the effort. Just an inferior musical. (The problem, of course, was that I NEVER liked MOR as well as I liked 1789. Maybe it’s better put together, but I don’t ENJOY it as much, and imo it drags quite a bit at a few places, a problem shared by its German counterpart.) 

I came back to 1789 around…2017, with the European Musicals Streaming event, with the Takarazuka one totally stealing my heart, specifically Lazare/Ronan. Suddenly, I was IN, and I was creating content. Yeah, most of the French musicals fandom didn’t give a flying fuck that I was creating content, with most of my support coming from my friends and Takarazuka fans, but I was CREATING CONTENT, for the first time since I joined fandom. I was finally starting to figure out my way in fandom, finally starting to get noticed. In 2018……..for reasons I won’t give out, at least publicly, there was a massive rift in the old French musicals fandom, a lot of bridges got burned, and, naturally, I was far enough from the fire. But this DID give me a shot at carving out my own 1789 experience, for once, without them hanging over my shoulder. I do think that the reason why the 1789 fandom’s as strong as it is now is because of that rift, because it left a sort of power vacuum. Suddenly, there was a space for other French musicals, and we didn’t have to worry about the constant comparison to MOR. BUT. Keep in mind. 2-3 years ago, the overwhelming consensus on Ronan was pure, unadulterated hatred. There were a few Ronan content creators in an already small pool, but the general consensus was that Lazare was better in every way and Ronan was a terrible protagonist.  (I know fully well that some old members of the French musicals fandom, to this day, won’t engage with Ronan content. At all. And I can say this as openly as I do because I KNOW they don’t follow me.) As a Peyronan shipper, I was in an awkward place, especially as time went on and I realized that I actually did like the little shit. One half of my OTP was absolutely beloved, one half was hated, and, while there was definitely some content on the Tumblr side of things (I definitely did NOT single-handedly invent the ship out of thin air, I don’t take credit for it, and I’m grateful to everyone who kind of. Took me in), the fan fiction side of things still tended to lean Ronan/Olympe. If, today, it seems like the fandom consensus is Ronan/Lazare, that’s because I fought tooth and nail to get my own place in the fandom. 

I…suppose you could say that I justified my place in the fandom by tossing Ronan/Olympe under the bus. It was easier, that way. It meant that I could forge alliances with anyone who wanted Solène/Olympe instead, though I was still on dangerous ground since I still wanted precious Lazare with Ronan, and, of course, the show would be better without Ronan. (You’ll note that the VERY FIRST fic I ever published on AO3 was Solène/Olympe. Why? Because I knew it would be a safe option to test the waters. That. And I really did just write it the night before my GRE.) But, at least I wasn’t a Ronan/Olympe shipper, right? I was safely gay. (Biphobia, thy name is fandom.) When I talked about Ronan, I talked about him as gay, I talked shit about Ronan/Olympe whenever I had the chance. All properly tagged, of course, in the proper channels. I’ve never been the sort to actively hurt someone who DID ship it, I just took pains to not associate myself with the Icky Het Ship. When I talked about Ronan, I talked about him as GAY, VERY GAY, not a hint of bisexuality to him. Because if he was bi, that might mean that Ronan/Olympe had a leg to stand on, you see? You’ll note that, to this day, I almost never acknowledge Ronan/Olympe as a thing that HAPPENED in any given fic continuities, because it was so much easier if he simply fell into Lazare’s arms instead. Wiping that little spot clean. And. Well. Here I am. About 5 years after I first got into 1789. And, looking back, I wonder if it was REALLY that bad, or if I just nodded my head because it was easy at the time, since it’s only been in the last year that I really, really began to develop my own spine. (Honestly, props to Marie Antoinette the Musical and, specifically, Morléans as a ship for that one.) For the most part, I’m proud of how far the fandom’s come in the last five years, and I’m proud of the work that I, individually, have done to help get it there, whether it was streams, gifs, or fanfics. But sometimes, I do worry that anyone coming in who ships Ronan/Olympe, like I used to…might feel out of place, and I never want to treat them like I was treated back in the day. 

Do I ship it? Not really. That ship’s sailed for me (I didn’t mean to make that a pun but here we are). I’m fairly firmly Lazare/Ronan and Solène/Olympe (though I’m not as firmly pro-the latter as the former, simply because I REALLY don’t have as much material to go off of there.) Not just because of the old pressure, but just because…looking at it in, say, the French cast…there’s really no chemistry there. At all. The Takarazuka Olympe looks mildly terrified to be in Ronan’s presence at any given moment. I DO actually kind of like it in the Toho production, especially with Teppei Koike and Sayaka Kanda, since the two of them fit together SO naturally and their voices are like two pieces of the same puzzle, but I’m not sure it’s something I’d particularly want to create content for. In fact, when I tried to write Ronan/Lazare/Olympe as an OT3, my HARDEST dynamic to write and justify was Ronan/Olympe. I do think that “La Guerre Pour se Plaire” is a stunning song, musically, it’s probably one of my favorite French musical songs. I do kind of tend to see Ronan as gay, simply because Takarazuka Ronan in particular is………..forceful, to the point that I can see him forcing himself to believe he’s in love with Olympe in order to distract himself from Lazare. I feel like the French cast, while arguably realistic in it showing Ronan/Olympe’s relationship having problems, also shows a couple that, really, beyond the physical attraction, couldn’t have made it work had both of them survived. And I feel like fandom, back in the day, was far too willing to take Olympe’s side over Ronan’s in that dispute, ignoring how Olympe’s own relationship to her side of the conflict is…kind of toxic to her. And while Ronan went about it in an ass-backward way (“I will kill your friends and family! To remind you of my love!”)……..he did make some Points. And Toho Ronan/Olympe, particularly Teppei/Sayaka, are more two kids in love who just want to give it a shot. (Kato Kazuki/Nene Yumesaki were more….forceful, manly hero/prim and proper governess with a spine of steel. Which is OKAY, but not really personally as interesting to me.) I do give the Toho credit for really, really making me see that, okay, it might not be for me, but it CAN work on stage. Mostly. (I still hate that forced kiss.) 

 I will say that there are times where I find myself writing Lazare rather similarly to Olympe in terms of him going through the same feelings of guilt, shame, and duty, and I’m just like “....hm. What have I really changed? Did I just substitute Lazare’s face for Olympe because it was easier? Or copied the existing dynamic and pasted a dude’s face over Olympe’s?” (I do think that there are definitely DIFFERENCES to Olympe VS Lazare, it’s just...eerie in those individual moments.) I do think, at the end of the day, the story of forbidden love during the French Revolution....we’ve HAD it before, in the La Revolution Française musical, and in my opinion it does work best as a queer narrative. And, unfortunately, Ronan/Olympe just...isn’t developed particularly well enough on stage to justify it as an EPIC ROMANCE. 

Overall, I think that I’m fairly settled in my ways at this point, but I also don’t hate it to the extent that I once did. It’ll never be my favorite, I can’t really see them getting married and having kids, and, frankly, the relationship just isn’t as interesting to me as the alternatives since we’ve SEEN it played out on screen, and I can’t really see myself making content for it or really engaging with it in any meaningful way outside of reblogging gifsets/reading fics, but like. I don’t HATE it anymore. I’m neutral to its existence. And, when it comes down to it, I have read fic/engaged in content for it, because, at this point, it’s STILL part of my favorite musical. If I could have done things differently….maybe I would have stayed with it more, for longer. Maybe I’d have written that happy country babyfic (you know. In 18th century France. Where raising babies in the country was so painless). Maybe I’d have gone over to Peyronan earlier and not looked back. Maybe I would have written Ronan more consciously as a bisexual man instead of a gay man. Who knows? Maybe I’m just a tired bitch these days and so am hyper-dissecting everything. But I definitely never want anyone coming into the fandom to think there isn’t a place for them just because they ship Ronan/Olympe.