#art withdrawal is real ok?

[wereshrew-admirer]

hello! long time no see!

i went on a little trip to maine and ended up staying longer than expected because of some surprise health horrors (i'm fine now), and came right back into two obscenely long work days (huge media fill in the lab)... it's been a long while since i've drawn, and i WANT to but my head is EMPTY - i can of course just doodle like a normal person that doesn't have to finish everything they start but like idk. if anybody has chine and/or duvall requests hit me up? or any fatt requests, really, but y'know. comfort food for trying times, etc etc

[silusvesuius]

nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am

[shhh-secret-time]

is me again hiiiii:•)

you don't have to do it right away, but the sp writing fandom is pretty busy with irl stuff from what i can see and i'm literally dying of withdrawals from no lovesick-idiot mccormick like its such a vital need for me to be alive. suave kenny is great, but STUPIDLY red-faced kenny fumbling a corny pickup line? [SLAMMING THE TABLE]

if you have a crumb of anything at all with kenny being a dummy when it comes to his lover, spare please if you want actually i'm not forcing give it now it's ok 🤲

ALSO HOPE UR DOING OK!!! :•D

- 🪼

Well hi you! I'm glad to see you back! I hope you guys don't mind that I combo'd yours together again! I'm so glad more of you are asking for Kenny! I couldn't resist the "Can't take a compliment to save his life" Kenny. Because same.

Warning: NSFW, Strong Language, Bad Flirting, Praise Kink

Pairing: Kenny x GN!Reader

The way his hair lays across your lap makes it look like little strands of golden thread. Such a peaceful look on his face would make any man jealous. That little thought tickled the front of his brain, how lucky of man he was.

Kenny opens his eyes just a bit, heavy lids beckoning him to close them again. It takes all his willpower not to listen to the sleepy siren song. But how could he even consider that when you look so beautiful.

He takes in every little detail he can. Watching your eyes move across your phone, it's hypnotic. You're not paying attention to him and sometimes he likes it that way. Getting to admire you in peace like this, without you trying to hide the things he loves so much about you.

But sure enough, when you feel his loving eyes on you, you stop and raise a brow down at him. He can't stop the lazy smirk that tugs at his lips. It makes you smile in return and Kenny feels his heart pounding in his chest.

"How's the most beautiful person in South Park feeling?" Kenny purrs up at you.

His flirting makes you chuckle and run your fingers through his hair. It only encourages him, you know that. Just a bit of attention from you and he becomes an addict wanting more and more. All you did was smile and laugh, and he's already pushing for more of that sweet sound.

"I don't know, how is he feeling?" You hum softly as you push the shaggy bangs out of his face.

You have to stifle back another laugh when you see his eyes widen. Even more so when a small blush begins creeping up his neck. He'd be lying to himself and any God that was listening if he thought you were going to shoot back like that. His heart wasn't ready, not by the way it slammed against his chest.

"You're a big flirt Angel. C'mon now, don't upstage me at my own art." He says trying to recover from the little counterattack.

"But Kenneth," Oh the way you say his full name. Even in that playful tone, it would make him stand at attention. "You're the real piece of art here."

And oh, the way your fingers trace down his jawline, like you're trying to memorize all his features on touch alone. Kenny's breath hitches in his throat, hoping that you don't feel the way his face heats up under your touch.

"S-Sweetheart. You're laying in on a little thick."

"Am I? I don’t think I tell you enough."

How can you sit there and tell him something like that so easily? The shade of your eyes holding such a deep passion. You look at him as if he's the most precious thing in the world, like the most devoted would their God.

"I don't think you hear it enough. I love you, Kenny. I love you so very much." You pause for only a moment, "From the way you smile at me with that earnest smile. I know you're trying so hard…even when you're tired, you're smiling and it's so beautiful."

Fuck.

"Oh, and the way you take care of those around you. I could go on for hours about how I adore you for that. You always make sure other people are happy before yourself. That heart of yours is gorgeous."

Fucking shit.

"And the way your eyes light up when you get excited. Oh, it's so cute! Pretty lavender eyes, I get envious when they're not on me. How could I not admire you as art?"

But they are! Always! He wants to tell you that, but the way you speak so softly. The way your voice drops to a whisper, tracing his lips as you speak. He can do nothing but open his mouth in awe. The blush on his face deepens and crawls up to the tip of his ears.

Just as he throws his arm over his eyes, burying his flustered face into the crook of his elbow, you let out a laugh. The sound rings out like a bell, a sound he wants to remember for the rest of his life.

"Kenny, don't hide from me baby~. Please." You know his weakness, a whisper against the shell of his ear in that pleading tone.

Kenny groans and slowly moves his arm away. He's barley able to look you in the eye. The way he tugs his bottom lip in between his teeth tells you everything you need. His face is such a deep red you think his skin is going to be permanently stained by that cherry color. In between nibbling on his bottom lip, the soft pink flesh quivers into a wavy line. From the way his fingers tap against his knuckles you know he wants to pull his hood up and pull the strings to hide his face.

So, you take them in yours and bring them up to your lips, pressing a kiss onto his bruised looking knuckles. You trail your kisses from his knuckles to the palm of his hand where you nuzzle into the warmth.

"And how could I forget these hands. These hands that protect people… these hands that hold me when I need it. The way you touch me with them makes me feel so loved." You hide the little smirk in his palm, watching the way he tries to hide into the side of your thighs.

"I-…I do love you. I love you so much." You think you hear him moan but it's hard to tell from the way his muffled voice barely reaches your ears.

If it was there’s no way you were going to let him hide them from you. You let his hands face go and cup the side of his face. Just like before you bend over and guide his face back towards yours. Your lips brush against his not quite kissing them yet, you want to see if his mind is still working.

Luckily, it still is. Once he registers that you've got your beautiful soft lips on his, he presses into them with a shaky breath. It feels like he can't catch his breath the way the kiss pulls the air out of his lungs. The rhythmic pounding of his heart picking up speed made its way up into his ears. Every time you pulled away traces of mint would make his mind hazy, only for your lips to anchor him right back in.

Kenny's kissed you before, plenty of times he'd ambush you and pepper your faces with an assault of his love. He’s snuck up behind you and dipped you in his arms, placing a passionate kiss before you could even register what was going on. A few times it earned him a smack on the shoulder or a punch but every time it was worth it.

Kenny's kissed you with want and need behind every little press of his lips. Everyone who knew him knew he was a physical lover, expressing admiration in touch. What better way to tell you how badly he craves you than with a long-drawn-out kiss?

Kenny kisses you with a toothache, how sweet you taste moving your lips across his.

He reaches up. His fingers through the locks of your hair, intertwining fingers through them so carefully one would think you were made of glass. His faded lifeline brushes against your chin and settles right on your jaw line.

His lifeline.

You.

"I love you." Kenny repeats himself.

"I love you too." So do you. Sneaking in the affection, weaving it between the kisses that just won't stop.

You can't stop, not when you can feel all the love, he's giving you. Normally it's his tongue that sings your praises. Kenny McCormick gave you all he had and more. He was a well of devotion and how you wanted to just keep pulling from him.

But sometimes you needed to remind him to take his fill. He could take from you more than he does, that it was alright to be a greedy man. That he didn't need to give so much without getting a little in return.

"No other man makes me feel like you do. When my time comes, I'll always remember you Kenny and all that you do." You whisper with that beautiful smile coming across that gorgeous face.

God if you only knew what you were saying to him. If you knew how heavy your words sat in his heart. You'd remember him? Through everything you'd remember him.

Your words echoed in his mind, your voice sounds like you are worshiping him. It should be the other way around. It's always been the other way around. He was put on this earth to serve, and when the universe gave him you, he was rewarded. Every time he felt the cold embrace of death, he'd wake up the next morning with his head in your lap.

Warm and safe. Home.

Does a man like him deserve more? Does he deserve to have his heart beating so deeply from your praise. Did he deserve to feel the way your lids lower, staring at him like he was the low lamp light of heaven?

"Can I tell you something Ken?" You start to say, snapping him out of the spell you've put him under. "I think I'd love you no matter what universe we were in."

Did you know just how much he'd do for you? The things he'd do to get back home to you. That there wasn't a god or death in the universe that would keep you from him. What he would do to anything that tried to get in between the two of you?

That was it. This is what was going to take him out, but if it was you maybe he wouldn't care.

Luckily it doesn't, not this time anyway. Kenny pulls away from your touch, sitting up with his back facing you only for only a moment. He knows he hasn't said anything in a while, but his silence doesn't scare you. You know him better than that. You know him better than any person has even bothered to.

He twists his body until he's facing you with either leg resting by your hip. His knees propped up to cage your body with his. Hands find home on your waist, pulling you into their lap. Kenny tilts his head like he's going in for another kiss.

"I know we would. I'd find you and give you my heart every time." Confession never sounded so saintly, not by the way Kenny says it.

The blond doesn't even seem to mind that his face is still a deep crimson, that he's all but shaking while holding you. The man's a lovesick fool.

"And I'd give you mine. My Kenny."

"My Angel."

Lips connect again ending the praise and sweet names. Hands begin exploring bodies, mapping every inch of skin. Calloused fingers push up against your soft skin and Kenny can't help but damn himself for how rough they feel against you.

But you seem to love it. You seem to love everything he does. When the pads of his fingers trace up and down your spine it makes your arch your back, chest pushed into him. The barrier of clothes has never really been a problem for Kenny, but tonight they were the source of his frustration. He needed to feel you against him, to touch you and feel that warmth that makes his skin buzz.

When your shirt is peeled off you expect him to dive straight towards your flesh like he had done so many nights like this. Instead, his hand comes up to the back of your neck and he presses his forehead against yours. He calls you an angel again, reminding you that you’re his, before his eyes trail down your form.

Why couldn't he just put into words how you made him feel? Put it in a way that wasn't a stupid pick-up line or some filthy comment. Kenny wishes he could just tell you, tell you how you're the only thing that makes him feel like this. He wants to tell you all the things you're so quick to tell him. But he can't. He can't form love on his tongue like you. He forms love on his tongue the only way he knows how.

His head dips down right where your shoulder connects with your neck, pressing a kiss into tender pulse of your heartbeat. Hoping it'll carry down your body landing right where it needs to. The pleased sigh it pulls from you tells him that's exactly where it went. Kenny speaks to you through chapped lips on skin trailing down your neck. Where he'd normally leave red splotches, tonight he leaves promises.

I love you. - a kiss on your collarbone, he lays you on your back against the bed.

You mean everything to me. - he bites your flesh and swirls his tongue, tasting you.

Don't forget this, don't forget me. Please. - he begs with a shaky sigh as he comes up for air only to dive right back to the other side of your neck.

Your hands slip into the folds of his orange jacket to push it down his arms. He tears himself away from you just long enough to grant your silent request. Sitting on his knees, he tosses the jacket to the side where it disappears somewhere in your room. Next is his worn-out tank top that leaves him bare to the cool air.

"You're so pretty Ken." Your voice and hand beckon him back down as you trail fingers up his chest.

He groans into the crook of your neck followed by a soft moan. He can feel himself slipping each time you compliment him. The feeling fuels him further, tugging your bottoms off. You feel him fumble for a moment until his thumbs hook into the waistband of your underwear, there he smooths out the flesh under them with the pads of his thumb. Rolling your hips up against him, you can feel just how pretty he thinks you are.

"M'gonna make you feel so good baby." He promises as he finally removes the clothing separating you.

He finishes removing your underwear and starts working on the rest of his clothes. Pants with a silver chain on the side and boxers that only served to keep him away from you. His silver necklace dangles off his neck between the both of you as he crawls back over you. Somewhere along the way he hooks his arm under your leg, pushing it up towards your head. His other hand follows by skimming up your thigh and gathering it up into his palm. They guide your legs apart, opening you up for him.

"I know you will." You laugh. Not at him. But in a way that's so carefree, "You always do, you're so good to me."

Kenny's hips buck forward in response pulling another sweet moan from you. Another one of many he hopes. He bites his lip when you take his member into your hands, gently guiding it into your warmth. It's slow the way he nudges the tip against you, opening you further to him. He wants you- needs you to memorize every inch of him so he takes it slower. Sinking further into you until he bottoms out.

Moans mix in the silence of your room. Until you lull your head to the side with that same pleased smile. "That's it. You feel so good Kenny. Come on love, have me like only you can do."

He almost feels bad when he squeezed your thigh, so sure that you'll complain about the bruise later, but you know what you're doing. You know praising him lead to this point, even if that wasn't your intention. To pull a gasp from him was just a little treat, one you were happy to have again and again.

When he drags his cock out of you, you mewl and squirm under his grasp. Your back arches again trying to encourage him to take more of you. Every long drag brush against your walls, every move feels calculated. He knows your body, knows where to push and grind to pull every sweet sound out of you.

Every time you call out his name, he feels his control lose and any other time it wouldn't be a problem. Right now, he hates it, he wants to take this slow and show you what you mean to him. But he can't, not when you press a kiss onto his throat whispering praise after praise into his pale flesh.

Kenny's hips snap forward, long slow thrusts have turned to sharp quick ones. "Say it again." He pants in-between each slam, "tell me you want me."

"I want you! God, please!" You cry out just as you wrap your arms around his neck.

"Again!"

"I want you, Kenny!"

"Fuck!"

He can feel it, he's at the end of his rope. That fire at the pit of his stomach is raging, consuming too much, but he can't finish yet. Not when you haven't. He inhales trying to focus on making you feel good. Making you feel like the way you should, but it's so hard when you're clenching around him and saying all the things that make him weak.

That's when he hears it, the way your tone pitches up an octave. You're not moaning anymore, they're silent cries of pleasure. Your nails dig into his back, and he hisses, you're close. So close.

"Ken- I'm gonna…I'm gonna cum!"

He doesn't even register when you do, not when you pull his own release from him. Kenny's moan is muffled by the way he turns his head and captures your lips again just as he spills himself into you. His cock twitches and throbs inside you, where he stays locked and connected for a few more beating moments.

A breath.

Shame washes over him, this was supposed to be about you. He was supposed to take his time.

A heartbeat.

Show you just how much he loves you because this was all he was good at. All he was ever going to be good at. Using his body to-

A laugh. Yours.

You're giggling and peppering kisses across his face. Gentle hands cup his face and hold it there. That smile that wakes him from the internal battle he put himself through.

"Kenny! You're crushing me baby!" The way you say it makes him think you don't really mind. The way you kiss his nose makes him think you're just happy he's in your arms. The way you hold him makes him think. Why'd he ever wants to be anywhere else. He smiles and presses his lips into your cheek blowing a kiss, lips make your skin vibrate.

Kenny’s just happy to have a home.

[dragon-fuccer]

Hi!!! If u're reading this u're probably the author of this absolutely amazing fic ✨

And if u're not, go read it;!! It's so good u won't regret it<33

First some fanart jumpscare !!! (I hope u're ok w it bc I haven't asked for permission 😭)

It's just how I imagine Jack to look with a few smaller headcannons based on the fic, and there will be more fic related doodles soon, so prepare for that >;D (ofc as long as u're ok with it!!)

Second, the thing I lured ya here with, aka mine n my bfs ocs, art and description for ya to use in the fic if u want to ^^

TYSM for this offer, both me and my bf feel hella honored and it actually gave us a ton of motivation to actually expand on these two!

Tws : body horror, brief description of violence n death, mentioned suicide and brief description of murder

Smokey belongs to my bf and Something is mine !

Normal text is all written by me and green text was written by him ^^

Art and design by my dearly beloved:

Smokey

Real name : Victor Wilson

Age : around 26 yo

possible victor lore

used to be victor by marble hornets standards known as smokey

a dropout uni student with raging nicotine addiction (smokey did not retain any uni info but vic used to be psych student (projecting much lol))

prolly watched marble hornets with friends for fun and against better judgement decided to give a visit to rosswood park thinking its a film project in the beginning

turns out its not and they spotted the lanky guy

smokey the horror movie enthusiast wants out at that point before shize goes down but its late and they r deep in the forest so comes to conclusion they r all p much dead at this point

peeps want to go hunt for the lanky man cus cool and internet views

my guy is like f that yall r following basic horror lore of everyone dies im not playin like that and straight up says hes not going and hed rather go and sleep in the burned down psych ward

he gets called a wimp but decides if hes gonna die hes not dying an idiot and decides to vidtape everything on his mid tier phone camera

not sure what happens to the rest but they do their meet cute w slendy and prolly with time like half of em ends up in the arko e way or another

smokey manages most of the night fine but like luck would have it still end up meeting the guy

does not go well

wakes up in the burned down hospital not remembering the last unknown time and broken phone beyond repair

decides oho this is bad lets go back to uni and never talk abt it

meets with most friends back at uni but like 2 of em r missing and they just pretend nothing happened, friend group dissolves

after that he starts slowly having memory gaps, waking up in other places

all comes to head when it turns out he missed 5 months of uni after he wakes up back in rosswood really far from home and skinnier than ever and suddenly no more uni student

after that victor surfaces less and less till hes just kinda gone at that point

Smokey first shows up the night victor goes with friends to rosewood

in the beginning surfaces confused unsure who they are and what is their purpose

with time smokey goes through both phone and computer of vics

binges whole marble hornets in one sitting and decides he has a personal vendetta against the operator

since then they work on somehow stoping it (and terribly fails given the lack of information) leading to continuous trips back to rosewood and sleepovers in the rubble of the ex psych ward

figuring out the nicotine addiction takes a bit of time and leads to pretty nasty withdrawal symptoms as well as a very wrecked dorm room (he does find the cigarettes tho and is smart enough to connect the dots (smart cookie, here have a star sticker))

smokey learns asl and isolates themself a lot in the months of operator research

he still maintains two personas to some extends which is one the masked smokey who uses mostly asl and rarely speaks (to some extent also a tactic against being caught by police) and times when he goes without mask on library searches and grocery shoppings

smokey starts a yt channel dedicated to catching the operator and ending it which attracts at best some people commenting on obvious marble hornets ripoff and few cents into his wallet

with passing time they do start finding victims in order to keep themselves alive n appease the the big slinky leading to series of alleged suicides then turned to series of murders

he starts off with two of his ex friends who go back to rosewood and start showing symptoms he learned from mh

When they commit murder they hide in the trunk of the car and basically hotbox the whole thing due to smoking making the victim whoozy and confused, moving on they connect a pipe (like garden hose or whatevs) to the exhaustion pipe and suffocate their victims with the car smoke

the thing that tips off the police is the nicotine in the system of every victim and an account of almost to be one that got stalked by smokey who upon being discovered (also while smoking and which earned him the name) decided to bolt

since then he continues on just about the same, aka researching the operator, finding new victims and surviving untill they meet Something

His hoodie is dark green, the mask is greyish from the grime n dirt, the big cross on it is black so are his pants and hair

Something

Real name : Rae Dyer

Age : 23 before transformation, currently unknown

Something used to be a cryptid fan. They worked at a radio station and had a small night show where they played old rock and often rambled about the latest creature they heard about. While out, looking for a new creature to maybe see, they stumbled upon the Slenderman and became obsessed to document it somehow, quickly spiraling out of control and slowly, bit by bit became a creature themselves.

Something doesn't remember much from it's past life. It used to just wander, guided by the static in it's head towards it's victims, always terrified itself but not knowing why. After Smokey found it, they started wandering together. At first they had serious communication issues - Something only able to speak in tap code and Smokey mainly using ASL - but with time they learned to speak with each other, and now they can understand the other almost without words.

Something doesn't really eat, it survives on fear and between itself and Smokey, it always has more than enough of it. It does steal food for Smokey tho, cigarettes as well, usually leaving them in whatever ruined building he decided to stay in for the night. Something got also addicted to nicotine by just being around Smokey so much, leading to separation anxiety fueled by withdrawal when they're apart.

Something cannot speak, and can only communicate using tap code. When it's particularly worried or scared it does emit a small noise, that sounds like a particularly breathy whine, and more commonly when it tries to speak, quiet spider like ticking can be heard coming from it's mouths.

It usually walks hunched over, used to having to duck under branches, entryways, etc bc of it's height.

Something has pale skin reminiscent of porcelain, and is usually wearing a v neck sweater with a white undershirt and jeans or other pants. It's hair is very thin and scarce, floating around it's head down to it's lower back

Also a tiny doodle bonus of how I imagine these two showing up on Jacks doorstep xjbxbcbcb

We think the most probable case of them showing up would be Smokey getting bonked on a mission (probably by a car or a would be victim) and Something bringing them over to Jacks cabin to get pached up, tho feel free to do something else ya might think fits =w=

Again, thank you so much for the offer, we're both so honored to have the opportunity to show these two off and maybe if you're so inclined getting them a chapter in ur amazing fic<3

If u have any questions you need answered Abt the two don't hesitate to ask them as well! ^^

-Kai n Bean

[wannaeatramyeon]

Hi~ I just wanna ask you, how do you think/feel about Eli & Heather's relationship and their 'history'? Like some people said that Heather took advantage of Eli's innocence, some people said that it was Eli's mistake.

Ok anon. I have my thoughts but I reread the arc just to try and articulate them better. Fucking forgot Darius Hong was in this. And no one needs more Darius Hong in their life. Anyway.

Eli Jang/Heather Relationship rambles

In this essay...

Damn. This is rough. Please note I may be the least well informed person to give my thoughts on this. Happy for anyone to disagree.

Sigh. I think a lot of times we think of things in black and white, whereas almost everything is in shades of grey.

Eli Jang & Heather's background

First off, Eli has experienced a lot of trauma when he was first introduced, and clearly going through a lot mentally. He's also stunted in a lot of ways and 'deprived of an education'. Literally everything that he has known was abuse. Ran away from home at the age of 10. And whatever fucked up shit was going on with Tom Lee too.

I cannot stress how clear all of this is.

With Heather, the only real thing we know about her is she's 15. Both parents lawyers and very overbearing.

Eli Jang's 'recovery' from trauma

But by chapter 237: Eli Jang (6) a month passes and they have both met. Eli, from how he is portrayed, has already improved a lot. Healed a lot. Not fully. I think we need to remember that the passing of time and progression differs massively in Lookism than in real life.

If this was real life, nope. Lookism, ehhhh. Literally please suspend your belief.

This is in part a big reason why I don't blame Heather for her actions that night.

The huge fucking question mark over consent

I can also never fully agree with anyone saying that Heather groomed Eli. To me, she acts very much like a 15 year old girl with a crush. Less nefarious than what grooming implies. Could she have been better informed and set boundaries? Hell yeah.

From what we can see in the panels, Eli reciprocates her feelings. Sure there might be other things going on, but if there were insidious intentions I feel like PTJ would show it more front and center.

To me, looking at the storyline and art, it just feels like 2 people with a crush.

At the same time, if we apply real life morals to this, then yeah it's all pretty messed up. This isn't real life though.

(Sex education is a whole other kettle of fish I don't want to get into. Where I'm from, we have free contraceptives, free medical care, sex education. But oops, teenage pregnancies still happen an awful lot.)

Here's where people might disagree because I'm giving consent to people on their behalf - though we're talking about fictional characters here and all we can do is speculate.

My opinions on this are:

If we ask Heather if she believed Eli consented that night, she would fully believe so.

Similarly at the time, Eli would probably say yes he did.

I have little reason shown by PTJ to doubt that he would withdraw his consent present day as well.

As for Eli's mistake?

Uhh. Assuming they are both able to consent, and let's just say yes for the sake of simplicity, then I don't see how the night together is his mistake?

The whole mess afterwards and the poor communication and martyr thing going on I would say is his mostly his fault. Yes, he has his reasons for it. Two things can still be true.

And fucking Olly Wang.

But Heather was right there. Eli could have cleared the air with her. Said wtf I didn't message you those but he didn't.

Heather lashed out, which I think is a very human response to her situation and the sudden insane amount of pressure placed on her shoulders, however unfair her words are. She didn't have the full story though, whereas Eli did.

So like I said, I place more of the ownership of this situation on Eli even though I can also see where it all stems from.

In Summary

This goes back to what I said before about there are so many shades of grey, and this situation and relationship is absolutely not black and white. To me, anyway.

We can also imply all we want with things happening off-screen during any of the arcs though it's better to stick with what we can see or clearly read between the lines.

Taking in my thoughts above, honestly? I just think it's a tragic story about 2 kids that had unprotected sex one night and then it fucking spiralled. I don't see the blame lying with either one for their actions. Based on my reasons above.

This situation feels too nuanced here for me to say yeah Heather fucked up or Eli fucked up because there are so many details at play here, mostly to do with Eli Jang's background but also to do with the pacing of time and recovery in PTJ-verse.

TL;DR: No-one sucks here. Too many nuances. Sad af situation.

[soft5ku11]

SOFT5KU11 COMMISSIONS

WHAT I WILL NOT DRAW

Massive, immobile sizes

Extreme slob

Excessive sweating for no reason

Piss/shit stuff

Death feedism

Kids (obviously)

Fat Pokemon/animals

Real People (unless its the commissioner)

Mech/detailed machinery

Excessive gore

Vore

Detailed armour

Female weight gain (will draw regular female characters tho!)

You can always ask if i will draw something :)

PROCESS

Evaluations are free. don’t be afraid to ask if I will or won’t do something.

I will only start work after payment. This is to avoid being scammed. Payment will be through PayPal only.

For payment, I will ask you for your email, to which I will send an invoice for the final payment. (I will not accept more payment to add to a pending commission. I will, however, gladly add to a completed one. These additions’ prices will be discussed as and when.

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I will send invoices via PayPal which must be paid in full before I start working. Commissions are non-refundable unless I, for any reason, feel I cannot fulfil the brief given, In which case I will refund the money I received. (It won’t be a full refund since PayPal takes a small cut which they do not return upon refunding an invoice.)

The commissioner does not have the right to withdraw or request reimbursement through PayPal at any stage unless for reasons listed prior in points 6 and 7.

My art is not to be modified into something else (eg: a character base) without my explicit permission. [If you want a base, commission a base.] 9.5. My art is not to be altered by any AI/program at all after the fact. (Eg: the auto colouring & shading scam.)

[saskiavalentineapologist]

SO

saskia and belialah. the empress and her shadow.

...im breaking my own rule of not posting any more original creations here but idgaf---i'll post some sketches and if there's interest i can throw this fic i'm working on up on ao3 for the monsterfuckers in the audience

so, backstory on THESE TWO:

i'm gonna go in real life order of events and talk about some of the inspos that went into some of these moments and where they were in our real life timeline of Experiencing these two

under the cut bc i must remain polite in the face of my hyperfixations

HELLO I MAY BE POLITE BUT IM RABID LETS GOOOOOOOOO

ok so, canonical order of events: saskia (matriarch) and belialah (demon lord) meet, they establish an alliance, belialah does stuff for saskia. at some point, saskia starts amassing her generals (we'll get there) and chooses belialah. somewhere in here as well, saskia splits from the empire and starts doing her Evil Deeds for her Evil Plans. I'm not sure which of the last two came first. in either case, lost later meets belialah, we haven't seen her (physically) since (but that's not a good thing i don't think)

irl order of events:

Saskia throws a Fit, kills her nephew, and withdraws from the empire at large. we make fun of her because though she's the big bad, she's also weirdly wet and pathetic. we hate her. she's so sucks. and also so sexy. its bad

time goes by, things happen, eventually there's a big party with all the matriarchs!!! yaaaaay

lost and gilt go because ofc we do, and there's a big dance where everyone keeps changing partners. at the end of the dance, lost gets belialah

...elven ish woman. obviously weird. too pale skin. black hair. disheveled appearance. ill-fitting dress. holds herself weird. talks with a tremble and a breathiness to her voice that immediately makes us uncomfortable (my mans can do some fuckin VOICES and don't get me started on the sound effects). belialah says she's a huge fan---of lost's father. the being from before creation whose whole thing is "immortal life but not in the good way" instead of "you won't die" it's "you can't die" there is no death to escape from life, no matter the suffering.

so--red flags.

she tells lost that she's one of saskia's generals, and that saskia sent her to give lost a message: saskia is so excited for her to come home, and that lost should bring her brothers (6 beings of various otherworldly heritage like lost--saskia has a type and it is monsters) when she comes home. Lost tells her to tell saskia, from her and gilt, to fuck off.

belialah goes...monstrous. red eyes start popping open all over her skin and she gets quiet and threatening about how lost is disrespectful and how--yeah, she will tell saskia that. and she leaves in a cloud of black vapor

i turn to chase. i say "oh they're fucking"

and he hits me with "...belialah would probably like to!"

and i hit the ground running. sprinting. i was off into the distance without another fucking word. little roselyn-shaped dust cloud left behind.

fic. art. works. stuff. so much. headcanons. throwing everything at the wall. attempts at first time. attempts at canon. saskia bitchiness. belialah wanting to smash despite the great danger to her personal health. weird fetish fic. modern!au. headcanons about modern!au. deep dives. analysis. narrative foils. sex. so much sex.

it's everything. they're everything

i want them to be terrible together. that's all i want. that's all i've ever wanted.

i set about creating for them in a frenzy--it's been love and war time for...since early may of last year?? some coming up on a year, now (again---150k words written in this time, with april's word count unknown but already above 10k. jan ALONE was 32k). love and war time means that it's always love and war--it's just different people inside the campaign. oh it's saskia oh it's freya it's gilt and lost let's bop over to adele what about gilt's parents-

FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR

it's been great.

Chase messaged summer and i a few weeks ago like "hey. i got a belialah meeting saskia inspo video, but i need to show you in person bc i need to get your reaction live."

he showed me this

we had a moment of "...oh my god its from a gacha game?" and then i made him play it three times in a row just Absorbing the vibes

chase: it's saskia and belialah when they first meet, with belialah thinking she has the upper hand and saskia proving that she is very, very wrong. but i don't know what a ball in the abyss looks like...

me: say no more

and i hit upon them meeting at an event where it's basically like---demons from all over gather, have a civil time---when bloodshed eventually happens (which it always does bc they're literal actual demons) it's a free for all and it's expected to be a bloodbath, that's part of the appeal

belialah's there, as you do, and saskia's there to talent scout from the pool of winners for her big evil plans. belialah's like "wtf is a stupid little mortal doing here why are you unaccosted where is your collar" kinda behavior and goes over there, they talk, they dance (also a ploy for power among demons, it's a sizing up thing instead of a fun thing), saskia reveals that she's got 1/8th of the power of a god in her soul and belialah's like "cool im fanatically devoted to you now i've never wanted to smash a mortal before can we make out"

and that's how they start their history

with me writing books about this campaign (again--pipe dream) i've been deciding on when and where i want these two to get highlighted, bc, again---we've never met saskia in person, she's spoken to lost and gilt directly once, and we've seen belialah once outside of saskia's bitchy announcement to the empire at large where she reveals she's got 12 generals and you better not try shit bc we're at WAR now (she's stupid i love her dearly)

and recently i've been working on their...first time? an epilogue for one of the books. the actual thing won't have sex in it if it gets to be part of the book for realsies, but im not stopping there bc IM ME

and i've been tinkering with like...ok how do we show in isolated little epilogues and snippet scenes that saskia and belialah have INSANE sexual tension so that when they do get together, its weird but satisfying bc again---belialah is a demon. she's got a human form. that is not her true form. i've drawn it, it's sexy to saskia, i'll post it soon.

but i need these two to snark at each other with saskia resisting belialah's advances bc "im trying to take over the world stop distracting me" while belialah's like "SASKIA LEMME SMASH. PLEASE" until eventually it happens because they're terrible and i love them and it needs to happen, frankly. im overruling my boyfriend. at the point we are at, they are fucking already. he does not have a choice. im overruling him.

chase, if you're reading this--the goal with this first time fic is to make it plausible enough that you accept it as canon. thank you.

bc like--they're terrible. they're perfect. they've both got bratty younger sibling/cocky hotshot who thinks they're invincible kinda energy and belialah has no doubt in her mind that saskia can achieve her goals and saskia is getting someone who will stroke her ego and is having the thought of "im being recognized for how amazing i am it's about time"

the generals have made deals with saskia---saskia is planning on following through with 0% of these deals. belialah is the only one who didn't--she's here by saskia's side of her own free will.

they're fucking. at this point, they are fucking. decades of sexual tension kept alive by distance and "hello old friend" energy is suddenly coming to head with Belialah Always Being Around and saskia having to plan out her evil deeds with her being nutso devoted 24/7 and listen, man. this woman has an ego the size of the planet. she's gonna smash someone who inflates her ego, it's just how she works

ok lore dump over. sketch time now.

[chameleonspell]

HTDC commentary - 9: sanctuary & 10: outside

[Looking back at HTDC after nearly ten years: comments on lore, character notes, influences, art, whatever. May contain spoilers for later chapters.]

chapter text: 9: sanctuary & 10: outside

So, evidently Iriel had an opportunity to go collect mushrooms for Ajira and be a good little Apprentice, but he's doing drugs with Tsiya, instead. What do we learn about Tsiya?

Tsiya was an asshole

Immediately, Iriel's already prejudicing the reader against her, with his opinion. Admittedly, Tsiya is kind of the worst. She's been an addict far longer than Iriel, and no longer has any illusions about the sort of person it makes you. She's lost everything and everyone she ever cared about, and she certainly has no energy or inclination to be nice to Iriel. Honestly, though, why should she?It's easy to side with Ire because we know what he's been through, and Tsiya is a blank slate with no visible redeeming qualities. But just... take a moment to observe the actual power dynamics, here. 

From Tsiya's perspective, a strange elven man forced his way into her house. He could easily overpower her magically - or even physically! Iriel has more than a foot and a half on her in height, and she's even more weak and emaciated than he is. She can't leave, or she'll be arrested, but he can move freely, and could report her to the guards whenever he chose. She's in skooma withdrawal, and probably starving. Iriel doesn't realise it, because he can't fathom not being the victim in any given situation, but Tsiya is completely in his power, and for her part, she is fully aware of this. No wonder she can't stand to be polite, no wonder the most she can manage is occasional forays into transparently sycophantic wheedling.

a common-or-garden asshole, to borrow Reu’s favourite term.

HTDC is presented in an all-new, modern and colloquial translation from the Tamrielic! Which is to say, that when I include different types of slang, it's because I am attempting to represent different regional dialects and vernacular colloquialisms. Iriel saying "fuck" a lot is actually an Altmeri speech feature, a translation of an uncouth term from his Lillandril docks background. Honest.

OK, OK, so I just vary up the types of voices and swearing habits because it's fun, but I do try to keep it vaguely culturally consistent. So, when I wanted to call Tsiya an asshole, I had Iriel blame Reu, because he's an Imperial street rat, and he talks like that. I was having Ire be more British-influenced, language-wise, but "arsehole" just didn't feel scathing enough.

“Of course the annoying High Elf did not. If he had found it, he would never have returned.” Ire didn’t even try to contradict her. I’m an asshole, too, these days.

Iriel is not kind to Tsiya. Sure, he could have done worse things to her, but let's be real: he only didn't, because he didn't want to. He's only interested in her moon sugar, and he would have stolen that, if he thought it was worth it. For now, she's more use to him as a connection.

“Iriel’s share. Now he goes away.”

With Tsiya's grammar, I had her use third person for everything, because I felt it emphasised her total lack of connection or direct contact with anyone. She no longer has relationships, even grammatical ones.

She grinned, unpleasantly.

Tsiya is not a nice person. She "doesn't deserve" kindness. But if she doesn't, neither does Iriel.

Ire sat on the stone bridge, and watched the stars reflected in the moving water. Sometimes he felt that such beautiful reminders of his own cosmic insignificance were the only thing that calmed him

Ire's little existential rebellion against Altmeri culture, which doesn't much encourage thoughts of personal insignificance. You're a scion of the divine, act like it! That said, Altmer do really like the stars, the stars being doors to Aetherius, left by cosmic beings lucky enough to escape Mundus in time. So maybe Iriel's not being that unorthodox. Certainly, his pa would have taught him respect for the Stars.

“Heeeeeeey n'waaaah” A mocking, drunken sing-song voice rang out, and others joined it.

I'm trying to think of something clever or witty to say about these men who police public places in groups, scanning for victims, looking for those they can mark as acceptable targets for violence. But I just get too choked with homicidal rage. I don't understand them, and I don't want to.

He’d long ago given up trying to figure out what he was doing to make it visible.

And it's always the victim who ends up asking themselves what they did wrong, to make themselves a target. As if there was ever a way out of the trap, save total annihilation of self.

But... how is it that the bullies at school can always pick out the queer kids, even before those kids know themselves that they're queer? What's the blood in the water they sense - someone's buried sense that they don't fit, somehow? Or is it only the ones who fail at their gender roles who get the target on their backs, do some people manage to go under the bullies' radar?

Iriel feels he has no control over the ways he broadcasts his failures of masculinity to others. He is bitter about the fact that certain physical traits seem to provide others with free camouflage for similar failures. Specifically, he has a rant about how his ex Hiranel could spend all day in the forest picking flowers and petting small animals, being a sweet, quiet, utterly passive healer who wouldn't say boo to a goose, and yet never have his sexuality questioned or his masculinity doubted, because he was tall, broad, strong-jawed and generally looked the part.

Back in Summerset, Ire at least understood the rules of the game, the acceptable contours of Altmeri manhood that he was expected to emulate, centred on magery and nobility, rather than physical force. He used to be better at it! Until he got found out. In Cyrodiil, he thought he could have a new start, and maintain a proper academic, masculine scholarly image. But just when he thought he was succeeding, he found Imperials viewed him as feminine purely due to being elven. Not that they seemed to mind. Ire's youth, inexperience and brief time in Cyrodiil meant he didn't fully grasp the ways his elven gender was fetishised there, by some Imperials. Still, he found certain remarks and attitudes... uncomfortable.

And now he's in Morrowind, where even the most macho of Altmer would be seen as woefully effeminate by the local daggerlads, these ash-covered, ebony-veined, Daedra-licking Dark Elves.

He got the Sanctuary spell on the third try.

I wanted to have chapters named for, and dedicated to, different Illusion spells. I got quite a lot of them, eventually, even if I had to adapt a couple of the names. Here, we have Sanctuary, which makes the caster harder to hit. Question: do we assume that this is due to an applied visual distortion effect? Or could it be affecting the subject's actual tangibility? It's probably the former, but how Illusion spells might affect the sense of touch is going to be significant, later. Perceived qualities vs. physical qualities. How do they affect one another? How do we control them?

If he can't control how others perceive him (and has missed the chance to control whether they perceive him), then Ire can at least control whether they can touch him.

I have a lot more to say about visibility, identity and gender, but I want to come back to it in a later chapter. So for now I'll just say that this spell might someday have been the culmination of Iriel's research into illusion magic:

In the meantime, he'll just have to live in terror, like the rest of us.

At this point I don’t care if it’s a gay bar, a skooma den, or a gay skooma den.

I think this is the first time Iriel uses the g-word? And some people had opinions about that. Specifically, some readers can tolerate all kinds of technically-anachronistic terminology in a fantasy story, but as soon as you use a "modern" term for a queer identity, their immersion turns to ash in their mouths.

And they are entitled to their opinion, and I totally agree that it's silly to have characters talk about themselves in 21st century tumblr micro-labels, when they're supposed to be medieval goatherds or something, but ALSO... (and I have a way longer version of this rant in the replies to this comment)

Writing Fantasy is Translation.

We always have to assume that the language of a fantastical world is not actually English (or any Earth language). Because Earth languages have our cultures and histories baked into the words.

In translating a foreign word, you have to choose from a range of words in your language, all of them imperfect, all of them bringing new associations, some of them wrong, some anachronistic, all of them adding something and taking something away from the original text.

I don't think there is anything wrong with choosing a modern, colloquial term for a fantasy character's identity, if it's the closest, simplest word for the task, if it fits their linguistic register, and occupies roughly the same place in their brain.

For some reason (I know the reason) fantasy writers are happy to use all sorts of anachronistic modern language, in low fantasy, except when it comes to queer identities. Suddenly, then, it feels weird, so characters start spouting all these awkward, euphemistic phrases, or not talking about it at all. And I was just... really sick of that!

It was a conscious choice to Let Iriel Say Gay, to let him have a way to describe himself, and not fall into that boring trap of being a queer character who just never refers to their sexuality ever, because the writers are too scared of using Terminology (*cough*everydragonagecharacterever*cough*).

a brunette Nord woman leaning on a barrel

IT'S TILDE!!! OMG HI TILDE!!! I had no idea, at this point, how central she would end up being. I hadn't got her voice, yet, in the first version of this chapter, and I had to come back and fix it later, to make sure she sounded like herself, and said proper Tilde things like "dickmaggots".

Tilde is mine now, my OC, go away, Bethesda. You didn't write her, she's just a generic Nord NPC with no personality, who exists to have a code book you can steal, for a quest. So that's all I had to work with, really: Nord, Thieves Guild, knows secret codes.

“Extra-High Elf doin’ OK?”

It took me far longer than necessary to realise the obvious joke I had walked myself into, with my very serious Altmer character with his very serious drug addiction subplot.

He cast surreptitious glances at the other inhabitants of the bar’s lower room.

I did a bunch of brief characterisation of the other Balmora guildmembers, because I thought I might do more with them, but in the end, it was the Sadrith Mora guild where Iriel ended up getting force-found-family'd. Apart from Sottilde and Habasi, we barely see most of these people again, before I eventually... um, y'know. Murdered them all off-screen for drama.

He had, oddly, enjoyed his evening in the South Wall. He had sat by himself, watching other people’s lives go by.

“Thank you,” he said. “Really. Thank you for taking care of me, but I can’t join. I’m sorry.”

Iriel isn't ready to trust another bunch of thieves just yet, so he's ignoring his instincts, for now. But of course he feels more comfortable with a group who are inherently outsiders to society, of course that feels safer and more accepting of difference. Ire knows he's on the verge of finding his people, but that's still scary, because PEOPLE.

next: 11: books & 12: silence previous: 7: choice & 8: simple

[demonslayedher]

Things that came to mind while watching this episode:

-SWORDS -Urokodaki's intro to the Corp is both necessary and info-dumping but in a way that I have lovingly come to accept as KnY style. However, the first time I watched it, I think I totally forgot about it.

--Also while watching it the first time, I was like, "whoa, more time has passed? More time has passed? MORE time has passed??" and later I was like "and Nezuko was conveniently asleep the whole time" but being as deep as I am now, I'm like, "yes, what a wonderful training montage, I love that Tanjiro kept a diary, Nezuko was working so hard this whole time too, yes of course Tanjiro took that much time to fully ingrain all that manliness into his muscles." --Urokodaki comparing humans to demons and mentioning how human limbs don't grow back? Kind of on the nose. --Mentioning how swords can break easily? Also kind of on the nose.

--I didn't intend for 'on the nose' to be a reference to the Tengu mask, and I even less intended for 'on the nose' to refer to Urokodaki's sense of smell. Seeing the connections now, I choose to stick with this phrasing.

--I know that Urokodaki was realistically trying to prepare his children to face monsters who actively want to murder them, but... did any of them die in training??? Those are real sharp objects! I can imagine Nezuko happily reading Tanjiro's diary later, but then pausing and looking up to stare incredulously at Urokodaki, appalled that he had nearly killed her only remaining brother.

--That being said, the Corp is an organization of some few hundred swordsmen (at any given time), with some huge portion more who died at the Final Selection, and some still more huge portion who failed to gain permission to attend the Final Selection. If we compare to, say, modern day competitive children's sports all going for the same championships, then it's not a large number. However, it does go to show the widespread damage demons cause, and how many children are driven to find putting their lives on the line to take down demons is their only remaining calling in life after having lost everything. Urokodaki has seen it so many times, so every time he accepts a student, he accepts someone who has given up anything else to live for, and he has to accept the consequences of their choices and how it may be out of his hands, all he can do is give them the best chance of survival he can and try to protect his own heart against the inevitable. Withdrawing from Tanjiro to leave him to his own devices may had been part of that.

--Ok, but also wouldn't it be funny if the scar on Sabito's face is from training with the traps on Mt. Sagiri? --Hanae Natsuki had so many good sounds over the course of this training montage. Zenitsu gets the reputation for it, but let us never forget that Tanjiro is the OG "NE~ZU~KO~" screamer.

--Speaking of sounds, the sound of the sword as Sabito draws a real blade on Tanjiro at the end of the episode? CHEF'S KISS. Also, even if Sabito doesn't have a scent, he has manifested so much physicality that he's got remarkable sound effects as he attacks Tanjiro. And those flutes as he appears on the rock? So nice.

--AND THOSE ATTACKS, OH MY GOSH. THE HUMAN-ON-HUMAN SWORDPLAY IS SO GOOD. It's like Tanjiro said, not a singe wasted movement, Sabito's swordplay is so smooth and there is such a stark difference between him and Sabito in that first encounter. Also, SOMETHING I LOVE: Tanjiro blocks the first few strikes from Sabito with the hilt of his sword instead of with the blade. This goes to show Tanjiro's hesitation to use the blade, both for how it may deal damage and how the blade might take damage. It's after a few more blows that Sabito forces him to start defending himself with the blade instead of the handle. That was masterful swordplay storytelling.

--Gotouge, have you practiced martial arts? Breath technique is of fantasy level proportions, but so many core ideas and true training methods are on display so well.

--Random, but the bright coloring on Tanjiro's eyes in this episode? SO PRETTY. And so much focus on his facial expressions, especially in his concern for Nezuko. I was falling for this boy so hard by the time I got to this point in my first watch.

--But THAT SABITO SMILE, OH MY GOOOOSH

--There's a part of me that has always wondered if Tanjiro ever had a crush on Makomo, or at least found her somewhat cute initially before fully accepting her in more of a sempai role. In his experience, he's likely never encountered a girl like her before, and similar elements might had been what made him notice and ponder Kanao later on when he saw her with the butterflies. Not saying I think it would had been a serious crush or even anything he was aware of, I just wonder if he's always had a type (I mean, we know he did, I just wonder if Makomo fits his lily-of-the-valley-faithful-dog type).

--I love that Breath technique isn't necessarily a "summon your qi" kind of spiritual power, and instead focuses on oxygen and the physicality and wraps the psyche into part of one's overall physicality. That's pretty grounded martial arts technique, and likewise, I like how demons' abilities are also grounded in physicality (their bodies and blood having transformed) instead of, say, drawing power from outside sources like magic. But you could also poorly describe this series as "yogis vs Michael Jackson." --You know what makes Makomo & Sabito's presence so believable, despite how Tanjiro found them mysterious and noticed right away that Sabito didn't have a scent? Mt. Sagiri, as a setting. This mountain is so much bigger than Tanjiro is, and Urokodaki is never shown saying more than he needs to for Tanjiro's training purposes, so for all Tanjiro knows, there are other children training concurrently, in their own pockets of the mountain. He's had to work so hard to gain his own mastery of Mt. Sagiri that he wouldn't be surprised to encounter people who know it better than he does, enough to be able to watch him while he wasn't aware (what with having his attention so focused on his own desperate training). As they probably don't have demon sisters to keep an eye on, it would make sense that he might be the only one to dwell with Urokodaki.

--That split boulder has become so iconic and I love it.

[someone-you-do-not-know]

🔥🪞💛

🔥 A Hetalia hot take – ok, so first I had a mental debate with myself on the difference between a hot take and a headcanon, and I'm still not sure what the difference is. I'll go with a headcanon where I'm pretty sure I'm against the entire fandom:

I don't think Denmark likes Prussia. At all. I think he's quite afraid of him actually – the reason is due to the 2. Schleswig War, which was Denmark vs. Prussia and Austria.

Historical context: The outcome of the first Schleswig War was a meager victory to Denmark, but in the Second Schleswig War (1864), Prussia basically gave Denmark a national trauma so big that Danes are still affected by it today in our mentality. It's immediate aftereffects was a withdrawal from the international scene, and it marked the shift for Denmark from a big, important warmongering nation to a small country that had no influence. There's even a saying from this time: "What is outwards lost, must be gained inwardly" (Hvad udad tabes skal indad vindes), which means that the loss of land should spur on the arts, because that's all we had left. It was a really good flourishing of the arts though, since it brought the world H. C. Andersen (and several others who are more famous in Denmark than the rest of the world). During WW2, this loss can be directly ascribed to Denmark's capitulation to German forces after just six hours.

For these reasons, I think Denmark would actually be quite fearful of Prussia, but not really ascribe that same fear to Germany in present day. It goes against The Awesome Trio, which I'm not sure is canon or fanon. 🤔

So yeah. That's a hot take, I think.

🪞Physical appearance headcanon for my favourite character (Romano, it's Romano).

I love when Romano's kind of muscular and chubby – the last part is canon, but I don't think the first one is. Like the body of someone who works a physical job and doesn't have the time nor cares to get bodybuilder fit. Just think of him standing next to his twink of a younger brother while looking like a real working class guy–

💛 A friendship that doesn't exist in canon, but I'd like to see:

I realise I've been so entrenched with fanon and headcanons over the years that I'm not sure which friendships are in canon and which aren't...

I don't think Romano and Canada interacts much in canon, despite being bffs in a lot of fan works, but I personally think they and America make for the best friendship trio (which is why I wrote 80k+ words about it in an au). Romano is just the right person to balance out America's carelessness towards his brother by calling it out, Canada brings a niceness to the others' assholery, and America brings the fun to Romano and Canada who can be a bit selfdeprecating. So while America interacts with Canada and Romano, I think the three work the best together.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

Alright BUT you share yours first and in return I will no longer question Ingo's powers

ok

Light and darkness flash across the arena in equal moments, brought forth and banished, source and sink warring against each other. Most would struggle to track the battle; those who could would find it as much a work of art as it is a deadly duel. And it is that: neither opponent is holding anything back, both pouring every drop of strength their bodies have to give into slaughtering each other. And yet, no blood touches the floor, the walls, the blades and claws: neither one can land a hit on the other.

Fewer still would notice, but the Hashira of Light is getting sloppy. Making amateur mistakes of the type he hasn't made in years, maybe longer. Leaving precious inches exposed for his opponent to seize. Had both of them been in possession of a sword, he would have lost by now. It's because he's distracted by the gnawing, sinking, nauseous feeling,

of recognition.

He, light as a feather on his feet, leaps just as the First Kizuki, ever low to the ground, pounces; he drives the point of his blade like a stake into air that is suddenly empty, halts it a hair's breadth from the floor before it can catch, and whirls, pulling it up, knowing beyond certainty what his opponent's next move is. It can't correct or vanish into a shadow quick enough, but its reaction time is still too quick: the only thing his sword snags is the edge of a black-wolf mask. It goes flying and skids, immediately forgotten, towards the wall. No skin was cut, and yet it still spills a painting of blood. The sword retreats and swipes out again.

Their pitched battle ends, naturally, the way every sparring match between them has ever ended. It ends in a draw. One with a sword inches from the other's neck, the other with claws nocked in the air above his heart.

Both heaving breaths of exertion, they stare silently at each other. The Demon Slayer looks, for the first time in years, upon a face that is by now warped by the curse of demonhood but still as familiar as his own. The eyes are yellow, and one has been branded with the name and rank forced upon him. Blood is pouring down his chin, lips torn to ribbons by his own fangs.

The Kizuki's mouth works, but it takes a moment for the healing factor to replace enough to produce real words.

"Why...? Why did you stop?" His voice is hoarse, breathy, nothing like it once was, but underneath it there's something that could be emotion, something that doesn't sound like an animal. His hands shake, muscles taut in an effort to hold the flexed claws still.

The Demon Slayer laughs, or, his breath hitches. "I cannot hurt you. Should I cut my own head off, too?" The sword slackens a touch, tears well in his eyes and drop like falling stars. "You are my brother. You are Ingo."

The name makes the demon flinch, shiver, as something left to gather dust in the corner of his mind is suddenly yanked front and center. He refuses to break the eye contact, though.

One of his hands withdraws from the snarled claws, reaches up, and gently caresses the flat of the sword. With fingertips he lifts it back to its original place, against his neck.

"No," the Hashira whispers, pleading.

"Please," is Ingo's hoarse response.

"No."

"Emmet," the name has not been spoken yet still it finds its place in his mouth, like it was never lost, "I'm begging you. It hurts. I'm tired." The claws flex and shudder. "How much longer will you force me to fight my body? Must I take your life, instead? Is that the ending you desire?"

Emmet's hands are steady, but his shoulders shake.

"I've hurt so many people," Ingo presses on. "I am barely my own anymore. But still, even when I could not remember why, I searched for you. You are the only one I ever trusted with the task. Please. I have control of nothing save for this."

His other hand, still gentle, guides the sword a little closer. Razor sharp, perfectly aligned, it splits the flesh of his neck as easily as paper.

Send me the Demon Slayer that shines like the sun, the letter had read. I will fight no other.

"I searched for you, too." Emmet forces the words out. "They took you from me. Left me a shell of anger. I thought you died. I wanted vengeance. Closure. Instead I find this."

"I'm sorry-"

"No." He shakes his head. "Just." Closes his eyes for a moment. Swallows. "I want to hear it."

"Emmet. My brother. My other half." The hand slackens and falls, finally letting the sword do what it will. "Kill me. Let me die."

One deep, steadying breath, hands tightening on the sword.

"Anger," Emmet repeats, "and one other thing."

Yellow eyes and grey stare into each other.

"I love you."

The sword makes no sound, but is as blinding as the break of dawn.

[protected-and-loved-by-castiel]

Victoria Windham Ashworth I’m pasting something more on trauma bonding for you, hope it helps xxxx

————-

When we are in this situation it’s a classic Trauma Bond.

Trauma Bond is also known as Addiction….

It’s an addiction like any addiction to a toxic substance it is addiction to the “toxic” person.

It has formed from the love style dopamine hormone hits at the start during the love bombing stage then by clever calculating manipulative withdrawal by them causing a longing for more and with them only giving love style hits occasionally, drip feeding you (or as they call it bread crumbing, like a dopamine love drug dealer) an addiction is formed.

Between this bread crumbing, they become cruel using techniques such as silent treatment, gaslighting constant ridiculing and put downs then abuse which then puts you into stress mode creating the cortisol hormone which heightens all your senses causing a trauma response of fight flight freeze or fawn.

So In that time if any love style hits come from the narcissist it is also heightened, so the body gets a huge hit of dopamine the feel good hormone causing further addiction.

This creates a false sense of happy and keeps us hooked holding on for the next dose and so on. But it’s not love not real as it is used to manipulate and control us.

So like any addictions we have to find a replacement to get that feeling that high that happy adrenaline so something that is not toxic that makes us feel good, we have to start to try and get our own dopamine levels up and reduce the cortisol. Finding good adrenaline and distraction methods “focusing off the narcissist” and “onto ourselves” to start to find strength again.

Hobbies, music, dance, art, games, social groups, walks, comedy, drawing, singing, playing an instrument, writing, movies, going for a drive, getting hair done, getting a massage, (plus many others) feeding ourselves with anything positive at all.

We have been conditioned to take on so much of the weight of others and put ourselves last and it not only attracts narcissists but if it continues it slowly exhausts and destroys us.

The body is only made to use cortisol stress hormone in short doses in danger but long term will deplete the body lower the immune system and cause inflammation leading to disease and so these toxic types actually can kill us.

So it’s time to say enough and start to parent our inner child that’s longing for happiness inside us. It’s ok to want happiness to feel loved and the guilt needs to go.

Guilt is an emotion a narc uses to manipulate us and is not welcome and usually not in proportion or warranted when a narcissist is involved.

Shift that focus back onto yourself and get some supports in place people, services, online, therapy and learn to set healthy boundaries to start to feel again and grow into the person you were meant to be all along ❤️❤️❤️

You matter

You deserve more

Guilt is not welcome anymore.

We can do it ❤️❤️❤️

Let’s parent our inner child now and make these narcissists a distant memory one day.

🥰🥰🥰

Also study study study and learning about empaths and co dependency, childhood trauma and the types of narcissists is crucial in healing ourselves and never letting ourselves go through this again xx We need to only let our own type in now and learn to surround ourselves with empathic caring loving types, and yes we do exist don’t we so let’s fine tune our radar and learn from our mistakes.

(I also highly recommend watching Dr Ramani and any videos on it all) Especially her interviews. (If you haven’t already lol)

You’ve got this ❤️❤️❤️

[whumptober]

Whumptober 2020 - Updated

Welcome to Whumptober 2020! We’re doing things a little differently this year so please make sure to read the Event Info carefully. We are also excited to announce the addition of an AO3 Collection, which can be found here.

We hope you’re as excited as us to watch the Whump Community come together once again for a month of bone-crunching creativity and collaboration!

(All 31 Themes + Prompts, Event Information, and FAQs are posted below the cut!)

No 1. LET'S HANG OUT SOMETIME Waking Up Restrained | Shackled | Hanging

No 2. IN THE HANDS OF THE ENEMY  "Pick Who Dies" | Collars | Kidnapped

No 3. MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY Manhandled | Forced to their Knees | Held at Gunpoint

No 4. RUNNING OUT OF TIME Caged | Buried Alive | Collapsed Building

No 5. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? On the Run | Failed Escape | Rescue

No 6. PLEASE.... "Get it Out" | No More | "Stop, please"

No 7. I'VE GOT YOU Support | Carrying | Enemy to Caretaker

No 8. WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO? "Don't Say Goodbye" | Abandoned | Isolation

No 9. FOR THE GREATER GOOD "Take Me Instead" | "Run!” | Ritual Sacrifice

No 10. THEY LOOK SO PRETTY WHEN THEY BLEED Blood Loss | Internal Bleeding | Trail of Blood

No 11. PSYCH 101 Defiance | Struggling | Crying

No 12. I THINK I'VE BROKEN SOMETHING Broken Down | Broken Bones | Broken Trust

No 13. BREATHE IN BREATHE OUT Delayed Drowning | Chemical Pneumonia | Oxygen Mask

No 14. IS SOMETHING BURNING? Branding | Heat Exhaustion | Fire

No 15. INTO THE UNKNOWN Possession | Magical Healing | Science Gone Wrong

No 16. A TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY Forced to Beg | Hallucinations | Shoot the Hostage

No 17. I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING Blackmail | Dirty Secret | Wrongfully Accused

No 18. PANIC! AT THE DISCO Panic Attacks | Phobias | Paranoia

No 19. BROKEN HEARTS Grief | Mourning Loved One | Survivor's Guilt

No 20. TOTO, I HAVE A FEELING WE'RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE Lost | Field Medicine | Medieval

No 21. I DON'T FEEL SO WELL Chronic Pain | Hypothermia | Infection

No 22. DO THESE TACOS TASTE FUNNY TO YOU? Poisoned | Drugged | Withdrawal

No 23. WHAT’S A WHUMPEE GOTTA DO TO GET SOME SLEEP AROUND HERE? Exhaustion | Narcolepsy | Sleep Deprivation

No 24. YOU’RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE Forced Mutism | Blindfolded | Sensory Deprivation

No 25. I THINK I’LL JUST COLLAPSE RIGHT HERE, THANKS Disorientation | Blurred Vision | Ringing Ears

No 26. IF YOU THOUGHT THE HEAD TRAUMA WAS BAD... Migraine | Concussion | Blindness

No 27. OK, WHO HAD NATURAL DISASTERS ON THEIR 2020 BINGO CARD? Earthquake | Extreme Weather | Power Outage

No 28. SUCH WOW. MANY NORMAL. VERY OOPS. Accidents | Hunting Season | Mugged

No 29. I THINK I NEED A DOCTOR Intubation | Emergency Room | Reluctant Bedrest

No 30. NOW WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Wound Reveal | Ignoring an Injury | Internal Organ Injury

No 31. TODAY’S SPECIAL: TORTURE Experiment | Whipped | Left for Dead

Alternate Prompt List

Alt 1. Punctured

Alt 2. Falling

Alt 3. Comfort

Alt 4. Stitches

Alt 5. Stoic Whumpees

Alt 6. Altered States

Alt 7. Found Family

Alt 8. Adverse Reactions

Alt 9. Memory Loss

Alt 10. Nightmares

Alt 11. Presumed Dead

Alt. 12. Water

Alt. 13 Accidents

Alt. 14 Shot

Alt. 15 Carry/Support

Event Info

WHUMPTOBER is a month-long, prompt-based creation challenge (think: Inktober, but whumpier). There are 31 Official themes this year - one for each day of the month - which can be used, skipped, or combined in any way you’d like. They are meant to serve as inspiration without being taken literally (e.g. you don't have to include the exact wording into your work). Additionally, there are 3 prompts for each theme.  These are optional suggestions and can be used in conjunction with the theme, or as options/alternatives.  We want to give everyone as much creative freedom as possible, as well as increase event accessibility for folks with triggers and squicks.

Creators can PRODUCE work in any media they choose, including but not limited to: writing, visual artwork, and photo/video/audio edits. Creators can PARTICIPATE as much or as little as they want (i.e. you don’t have to do ALL the prompts if you don’t want to) and prompts can be used in any order. They are also free to use even after the event ends.

When uploading Whumptober content to your blog, be sure to tag the with:

#whumptober2020 …..(the event tag)

#no.1, #no.2, #no.3, …..(theme number)

#bruised, #stabbed,  …..(the theme or specific prompt you chose)

#fandom or #OC

#medium …..(gifs, fic, podcast, art, etc.)

#teeth, #etc …..(trigger warnings & any additional tags. Keep in mind not to add “tw” in front but only use the word/trigger itself, because tumblr sucks)

#nsfw, #nsfwhump …..(only for nsfw content)

PLEASE BE DILIGENT WITH YOUR TAGGING. Only properly tagged posts are considered for archiving on the official @whumptober2020​ blog. They must be tagged in the order above.

Unfortunately, due to the sheer number of participants in recent years, we cannot guarantee your work will be archived. A random selection of properly tagged posts from all genres will be reblogged each day.

Whumpers who produce content for 31 total theme days are considered event completionists and will be tagged in a masterpost at the end of the month.

Questions not addressed below can be directed to this blog as well.

Thanks for reading, and happy whumping!

Frequently Asked Questions

Q. What kind of content can I make? Can it be NSFW?

This is a MIXED MEDIA event! You can write fic, post meta, doodle or paint, create a gif set or photo edit, link a song, or get crafty with video - anything goes. As for NSFW, make what you like, we just hope that you’ll tag your work accordingly so that others participating in the event can stay safe :)

Q. Do I have to do all 31 Days? Can I post early/late?

Participate as much or little as you like, and post whenever! Just be sure to tag your posts properly (ex. #no.11, #psych101). Combining prompts into one piece of work is okay, and posting late is as well so as long as it’s in October.

Q. What if I don’t understand a theme?

Send us an ask! We’re happy to help clarify. That said, the themes are entirely up for interpretation :)

Q. Can I combine Whumptober with other creation challenges?

Absolutely! That’s like shooting two whumpees with one bullet :)

Q. Can I upload/repost my whumptober content to other social media platforms?

Of course! We’ve created an AO3 Collection to archive any fics posted there. The archive can be accessed here. The blog is the official archive, so please respect the boundaries of any closeted whumpers in your social circle :)

Q. Can I use prompts to write a new chapter for an existing fic?

Yes

Q. An existing fic I am currently writing contains many of the Whumptober prompts, can I use it?

If you are actively writing this fic at the moment with the whumptober prompts in mind, yes. If it just conveniently checks the boxes, then please don’t. You can, however, add new chapters answering one or more of the prompts.

Q. What kind of characters can I write for?

Fandom characters, OC characters, human, furry, alien, cyborg, whoever you like.

Q. Can I use a prompt multiple times?

Yes,  but it only counts once

Q. If I’m not comfortable with one day's prompts can I use a prompt of a different day as a substitute and still be a completionist?

Yes, but please do not use a specific prompt twice. We have also created an alternate prompts list that you can draw from [here].

Q. Where can I post my work?

Post where and how you want. You don’t even have to (cross)post it to Tumblr. Just keep in mind if it’s not on Tumblr we will not be able to add it to the blog archive.

Q. Can I start posting early?

You can, but this is an October event and wouldn’t it be more fun with everyone doing it at the same time? That being said, you can post early, but we won’t be reblogging any work predating October 1st.

Q. Do I have to finish a fic I started/can I post WIP’s.?

Yes you can post WIPs. And you’re not obligated to finish it in October for it to count towards being a completionist.  

Q. Is co-writing allowed?

Yes, absolutely, and it would count towards being a completionist for both/all of you :)

Q. Do I have to create 31 standalone pieces to be considered a completionist or can I write one continuous story?

One continuous story is fine.  The challenge is to write something for 31 prompts. If that’s spread over 31 fics or just one, you are still considered a completionist. (The same goes for every other media you choose.)

Q. Is there a min/max limit on word count?

There is no limit

Q. Can I combine prompts? Is there a limit on how many?

No limit and combine as many as you’d like.

Q. Is a hc/angst focus ok?

Of course!

Q. What’s considered nsfw?

See this post

Q. What's whump?

See this post

Q. My interpretation of the prompt isn't whumpy at all, does that count?

No, sorry, but keep in mind that whump [see definition] is something very nuanced and different for everyone and emotional whump/angst is just as much part of it, as is physical whump and torture. So before you dismiss your idea, think about this.

Q. Can I start working on the prompts before October?

Absolutely! That’s why we posted the prompts a month in advance. We recognise how difficult it can be creating for 31 days in “real time”.

Q. How do I tag triggers?

tw at the end of the word, ex. emeto tw

Q. Do I have to use your tags?

Yes, if you want your work archived on the blog. If not, feel free to use whatever tags you want.  

Q. Does combining prompts count towards completion?

Yes

Q. Can we @ you?

Yes but we mostly rely on the whumptober2020 tag

Q. Is there anything we are absolutely not allowed to write?

There are no rules, just be sure to properly tag your trigger warnings. And keep in mind Tumblr’s policies if you are posting it here (or the policies of whatever site you use).

Q. Where can I go for brainstorming help?

Here on Discord

Q. My characters are minors, is that ok?

Yes, but as with everything else, tags are your best friend.

Q. Can I cross post on other blogs?

Yes, multiple platforms and blogs are perfectly acceptable. You can also post different works to different accounts under different names, without posting them everywhere at once.

Note: This is a creation challenge, please don’t repost your old work under our tags (unless it’s been changed or edited for the event).

[ninjakitty2988]

Summary: You're a demon slayer, you are rank kinoto sent on a solo mission. You get back to demon slayer HQ to report your mission to master Kagya Ubuyashki. you're injured and walking back could take all day but as you get back you walk into the demon slayer HQ gardens and you see all the hashrias having a meeting outside..

You catch one of the hashria's eyes...

You are my sunshine

Chapter one.. Mentions gore

You know by now the demon's blood art is to make multiple clones of himself and you figured out the real one after fighting for some while you have some minor cuts and bruises. You give yourself some pep talk "keep moving don't stop, set your heart ablaze don't let up you got this" the flames around your body burn strong and brightly.

You scream out the 9th form and take that stance your master had taught you, the strong determination in your eyes burn strongly!

"Esoteric arts 9th form RENGOKU '' you have a firm grip on your nichin sword and then in a blink of a flicker, bright flames slice through the demon's neck! The demons head was cut clean off and fell to the floor he was withing in pain "ahhh it burns it burns I was so close to becoming a upper ranked moon I should of devored more humans while I had the chance this is really the end for me it's all your fault you stupid demon slayer"

You look down at the demon that's disintegrating into nothing. "You will atone for what you have done feasting on some of the innocent people in this village you vile demon!" You withdraw your nichirin sword and walk away. You take a few steps forward and then you notice your thigh is injured there's blood running down your leg.

You wince in pain grabbing your thigh with blood coating your hand. One of the villagers witnessed what happened. He ran towards you, looked mortified and saw you and your thigh shouts for the village doctor that works in the village. The resident asked some questions looking very concerned. "Are you ok miss that monster gone for good?"

You nod "your village is safe now you can sleep well in your beds without no fear with your families"

The doctor comes running with a few assistants with a stretcher and takes you to the village infirmary.

"That's quite a wound on your leg. Let's get this cleaned up! Thanks for saving the villages".

You then nod "thank you very much it's my duties that I must do to keep people safe."

The doctor cleans up your thigh and then stitches your thigh and dresses your wound. "There all cleaned up that should do it."

You smile kindly "Thank You so much doctor your too kind many thanks for your medical care".

The doctor replied saying "oh it's the least I can do you saved our village".

You answer back "not at all it's my pleasure to help makes me feel at peace now that I know all of the village is safe".

You get up and walk "I have to go but take care doctor"

He nods" ok but take it easy on that injury."

You smile and walk slowly towards the door and set off on your journey back to demon slayer HQ to report to the master Ubuyashki about your misson with your kasugai crow perched on your shoulder.

[ofstormsandsaints]

and how is marion as a student, academically? is he succesful, which type he is in the class & school?

Ok, here's the thing.

Ever since he could remember, Marion always had a complicated relation to school and the educational system.

Repeated his troisième (last year of French middle school - 9th grade for equivalent?) but dropped out before finishing this second attempt as he developed emotional and physical distress and anxiety. A late school refusal due to a traumatic event that occurred in his family.

It was preferable for him to completely quit the classic academic system for some time.

For three whole years more exactly.

He never liked school. Not because he was the worst student. Good behaviour, got along with most teachers, had friends and no one was stupid enough to bully him as he was just as friendly as he was strong.

Still, he didn't like school. This system never worked out for him. Marion didn't want to spend his day sitting at his desk, writing page after page full of concepts and ideas that didn't really click with his brain - he always found his writings incoherent and obscure. The words he wrote never really did justice to his thinking. Studying like this was more exhausting than anything.

After withdrawing, he fully immersed himself in his training and dedicated his energy to his duties as an apprentice hunter.

Marion has a heap of academic shortcomings but doesn't let people notice it. His humility and charming smiles do a wonderful job in concealing the real intellectual panic he's in when someone asks him the date of the fall of the Berlin Wall or to explain Thales's theorem-

When he came back, starting high school the year of his 18th anniversary ...Dear lord it was tough. He struggled to have a passing mark...Not that he swotted though. He was doing the bare minimum and avoided homework like pest.

However, he always reads the books suggested in the syllabus for his literature class. His marks are not amazing but that's an improvement.

For language classes, he studies English and Italian. He's actually rather good but only because both of his parents are Italian descent. He knows how to speak but dude, don't ask him to explain to you any grammar or linguistic concept. He. doesn't. freaking. know.

As for English... like many of us, he essentially learnt through films, music, series and by trying to imitate Cody Fern and Andrew Garfield.

But don't ask him about history, geography or sciences. Really, don't expect anything from this man. The only thing he was good at was finding historical figures' lookalike and making puns in coding programmes. That's about it.

He enjoys P.E (always feels a bit frustrated as he's used to have a much more intense training), art class and literature class, those are peaceful moments even if he's clearly not the best in the latter and often slacks on his homework in the former.

However there is one subject no one expected him to be good at.

Latin.

He's not good. He speaks Latin like he was the fucking reincarnation of Petronius.

His parents made him learn it since he was five. Mass was in Latin and Marion was an altar boy.

But he is only good at translating texts - His teachers were flabbergasted by how poetic and faithful to the original text his translations were.

All the civilisation part was swept away. His brain can't proceed in properly remembering dates or names.

He is the kind of people who can reel out sentences from books he read 6 years ago, gives them a colour palette or associates it to certain smells and shapes - but he might forget the title.

Based on all of that, Marion can be considered as a weird popular, street smart, artsy kind of slacker.

[youabandonedthem]

Ok so the way that spades slick finds out about house md is because he walks in on his colleague clubs deuce watching it on their dumb little box tv set.  he thinks most shows are really stupid but it catches his eye and he gets quickly addicted sitting down for 2ish hours to watch it. this is radical binge watching for him because i don't think spades likes watching tv or movies of any kind and thinks the physical act of sitting down and staring at a screen is embarrassing and humiliating. although the rest of the crew have favourite tv/movies spades only has things he doesnt mind watching and doesn't often distinguish. (i think he has this same attitude towards music) but the reason that house md catches his eye in particular is because he secretly likes house and thinks he's kind of just like him re: house's leg/cane thing and slick's whole prosthetic limb and missing eye deal. but this is almost subconscious because on some level he refuses to accept himself as a "disabled" class but of course when he sees house hes going to want to cling to him. but he would not admit this to anyone. outwardly he makes fun of house in front of deuce for his vicodin addiction and points at the tv screen while cry laughing🤣 during the withdrawal episode saying HAHAHA!!! HE'S ADDICTED TO HIS MEDICATION!!! Thats PATHETIC !!!!!! HE CANT FUNCTION WITHOUT THE DRUGS! He's RUINED!!!!! After this he starts going off about painkillers/drugs in general and how anyone who uses them will get put in their little sissy pansy ass place (but in practice he loves painkillers if he actually needs them). Anyway droog and boxcars have also seen house md a little. Droog thinks it's irritating and overly dramatic but he thinks lowly of anything that isn't a b&w film. Boxcars thinks it's stressful and that entertainment should be kept as entertainment (he likes romance sitcoms and hallmark Christmas movies [year round]). Deuce also generally prefers A24 shows and red scare art films. 

After this incident Slick is thinking nonstop about house md and eventually tactfully and subtly brings up "deuce's hospital show" to droog. Droog says he knows that one. It's tasteless. Why do you ask ...did you actually watch it with him? Slick panics and says no no, of course not, it was real bad, easily the crappiest shit i've seen. Why do you think i'd even subject myself to that. then he stomps away into his room and ruminates on this exchange and concludes that droog figured out that he likes it and that his comments were a motivated attack on house's crip status and in turn his own. He can barely process this and sharpens knives thoughtlessly for the rest of the day.

This is only one symptom of how spades slicks inner ableism manifests in that he can acknowledge that hes half blind and missing an arm but this only registers in his mind as personal shortcomings that he can compensate for by remaining fully capable. he cant internalise that hes "disabled" because this is the class of people he casually makes pointed and rude comments about and has a very one sided view of. Karkat goes to libtard middle school so he comes up to him and says "Hey dad they're hosting a disability awareness event at my school and i was wondering if you.." Slick walks away and lokcs himself in his room in the dark for a while and then comes out and asks karkat why the fuck he thinks hed want to be involved in that shit and just because he's missing a few body parts suddenly means hes some kind of God damn crip huh. (then he grounds karkat) It's just not compatible with his world view like how your elderly neighbour will be callig your girlfriend your "roommate" because gay people just shouldnt exist so they dont exist. When anything occurs that implies he's not as capable as he was before he simply ignores it. they are simply hindrances that he can work around. But if he met the other incarnations of himself like at a Jack Noir con they would be kicking him around and making fun of him and going up on his blind side and laughing at him  and calling him "one eye" and "the amputee" making him so aware of it purely because not only is it the biggest thing that stands out about him to himself, but the others have the safety net of not actually being HIM so they have nothing preventing them from externalising what theyre all thinking. It would truly hit for the first time and he would be so ashamed like a dog . But after a few minutes hed pretty much stop caring and start trying to kill the others in a blind rage and a massive fight to the death would break out if any of the others had not already started one (which is how any jack noir meetup would end) so that's that.

essentially he uses his prosthetic arm to point at people in wheel chairs and say poor fuck